#emily watches iron fist so you don't have to

[ddejavvu]

(How's this?)

"Sit," Hotch demanded, surprising you with how different he sounded.

"Sit," Hotch demanded, surprising you with how different he sounded. You're used to hearing him talk as Agent Hotchner, not Aaron. You feel his hand on your shoulder and it guides you into the chair in front of his desk. You sink into its plush cushions with a weary sigh, head still spinning.

"Are you alright?" He sits behind his desk, hands folded over the wood. You nod without looking at him, eyes droopy.

"That was quite a fall." He continues, as if you've somehow forgotten your near-faint. You were just lucky Aaron had the reflexes to sling an arm around your stomach and yank you backwards into his chest, or you'd have hit the ground.

All you can do is nod, and you hear him sigh almost inaudibly.

"Are you sick? Low iron? Bad lunch? I need to know what we're working with here."

"Low iron." You confirm, "It just happens sometimes when I stand up.

Your eyes are so heavy that they feel itchy, and you rub at them with an angry fist. The pressure against your eyes hurts, but it's better than the itch.

You feel a warm, soft hand on yours, gently pulling your hand away from your eyes. When you peek them open, your vision is sticky and hazy, but you see Aaron's kind smile from over the desk.

"Do you take supplements?"

"I forgot mine this morning," You mumble, but he doesn't take his hand away from your wrist, so you don't pull it back. He lowers his hand to the desk, and it holds your wrist in a soft, reassuring grip.

"You don't live far, do you? How about you drive back and grab them? We're not busy today, you can leave the office."

"I can't drive," You shake your head, still groggy, "I take the subway. It'll take too long, and I might pass out on the train."

"I'll drive you."

He only breaks away from your skin-to-skin contact to dig through his pockets for his keys, rising from his seat. You blink bewilderedly up at him, mouth falling open slightly, "What?"

"We can stop by your apartment and you can take your pills," He explains, as if you wanted clarification on the process and not his logic, "I finished a report just an hour or two ago, my desk is clear."

"It's okay," You protest weakly, feeling an ache in your chest that bottoms out into your stomach, "You said it yourself, it's not busy today, so I can just wait. I'll take it easy at my desk and hopefully I'll be subway-ready afterwards."

"Y/N," Aaron stops by the door of his office, hand already twisting the knob, "You need your medicine. Let's go."

You feel strange as you scramble to obey his authoritative tone, and when you rise to your feet you grip the back of the chair for balance. In seconds his hand is off of the door and under your arm, lifting it so that you stay upright.

"I'm parked in the garage," He informs you, "Too long of a walk for you. Sit with Prentiss, she's closest, and I'll pull the car around, 'come get you."

"Hotch, really, it's alright, I can walk. You're offering me a free ride," You try ignoring the pounding in your head, "The least I can do is make it to the car."

"Sit with Prentiss." He blinks unamused at you, "That's an order."

The aforementioned agent welcomes you to her desk with a sympathetic smile, her hand replacing Hotch's under your arm. She slips it down to your side as you lower yourself into her chair, and you bid Hotch a goodbye that he doesn't see as his back is turned.

"Feeling better, honey?"

"I will once I get my meds." You assure her, "Thanks, Emily."

"Anytime." She rubs a soft hand over your back, "Hotch is driving you?"

"I told him he didn't have to."

She lets out a snort, but you don't see the accompanying smirk from where you're holding your head in your hands.

"I bet he threw a fit."

"Hm?"

"When you told him not to take you home. Hey, Morgan!" She snaps once to get the man's attention, who looks up from his desk with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you think he's gonna stand in front of her and watch her take the pills?"

"Like I do with my mom," Reid snickers, pink lips twisted into a barely-withheld grin.

"Well she can't take 'em on an empty stomach, maybe he'll buy her dinner and chew her food for her."

There's a round of 'ohhh's, and 'eeewww's from your fellow profilers but you're having trouble keeping up with the conversation. Their voices mellow out into a dull whine in your head, the last word you hear something about kissing. You're too spacey to evaluate it in context.

The next thing you know, there's a hand around your jaw.

"Hey," a voice speaks, low and soothing, "Y/N?"

Your eyes blink open, weary, "Yeah?"

"Time to go," It's Aaron, and the rare smile on his face gives you enough peace of mind to follow him. You don't remember where he's taking you, or where you are now, but you know it's safe, and you let him tug you up out of the chair.

Your head falls against his shoulder and he lets it rest there, keys in his hand as he keeps an arm around your back. He leads you out of the office, but you don't react when your team members bid you goodbye, too groggy to register them.

What you do register is the soft hum of Aaron's voice, moreso when it's in your face than above your head. He helps you into his car and leans in to buckle your seatbelt, leaving his hand on your thigh, close to your knee, as he catches your attention.

"You can have the rest of the day off, alright? You're almost home, you can get in bed and rest for the day."

"I can work," You drawl, voice not all there, "I'll be better later."

"It's okay," He assures you, squeezing your leg, "Just sleep, okay?"

You don't mean to take his order so literally. But he doesn't wake you up, and when your eyes do flutter open you find yourself in your bed, blankets tucked carefully around you.

You spot the pills on your side table as soon as you turn, bright orange and chalky. They sit beside a full glass of water, and a note.

I picked up a bottle of your supplements to keep in the bureau's kitchen, it reads, Sleep well, Y/N.

[walker-extended-universe]

Cordell Fanfiction Masterlist

This is going to be a long one guys. A collection of fics that have Cordell Walker as a main/major character. I've split them up into Series and Stand Alone stories.

Series:

Walker OT3- A collection of stories exploring the beginnings and relationship of Trickidell

Walkercest of the Cordaugust Variety- A collection of stories exploring the Cordell/August ship. Loose relation to canon

Walkernatural- A series exploring the clash of Supernatural and Walker in which Cordell is Sam's long-lost twin brother.

Dog Tags Verse- A collection of stories exploring an alternate universe where Cordell Walker and Trey Barnett met as soldiers on opposing sides of a war

Henry Winchester 'Verse- An AU of Walkernatural in which Cordell and Sam grew up as Winchester twins

A Rose By Any Other Name- An AU in which, rather than dying, Emily is exposed as a serial killer and the Walker family is turned upside down.

Crime Family Walker- An AU in which the Walkers are a crime family that run Austin with an iron fist

The Little Things- A supernatural crossover where the Walkers adopt a hunter's daughter

Sam and Dean Walker- Supernatural/Walker crossover AU in which John leaves Sam and Dean with Cordell and Emily after Mary dies

Stand-Alone Stories:

This is Probably A Bad Idea But....- Texas Ranger Cordell Walker can't seem to crack this case. He gets some unwanted assistance in the form of the eccentric Malcolm Bright

New Boy- Cordell Walker meets a man named Dean Winchester at a bar. Before the night is over, his life has changed forever. But will it be for better, or worse?

Camping 101- You know that infamous 2017 camping trip that August insisted required double-checking all the supplies on the list for because they left the tent at home that year? Yeah. This is that.

It Wasn't Supposed to be You- Death was inevitable. Cordell was only well too aware of it in his line of work. Death was also unpredictable. He always forgot that part.

Don't Cry- One day they would understand. At the very least, they might find it in their hearts to forgive.

Family Matters- He froze at the end of the entryway. It was her. It had been fifteen years since he last saw her, but he'd recognize her anywhere. He never thought he'd see her again. But there she was, standing on his front porch. Smiling at him like she hadn't abandoned him and their kids all those years ago. "...Emily?"

A Killer By Any Other Name- Cordell Walker is accused of twelve counts of first degree murder due to some damning evidence. Problem is, he didn't do it. Liam is determined to prove this so he calls on an old friend, Malcolm Bright, for some help. Meanwhile, Sam Winchester hears of the case and it doesn't take him long to figure out Waker has been pinned for one of their hunts. He can't sit by and watch an innocent man go to jail so he resolves to help in any way he can.

Just To Be Sure.....- Sam and Dean roll into Austin for a case and come across a (scarily) familiar face.

Secrets and Lies- It's amazing what a little lack of self-control can lead too….

"Duke" is a Dog's Name- The reader's family ranch has eneters some tough times and she enters the rodeo in the hopes of earning some extra funds to keep things going. While she's there, she meets an interesting character who calls himself Duke Culpepper. Little does she know that nothing will ever be the same after she meets the tall man with cheap aftershave.

Things They Never Show Onscreen- Just a little thing I wrote because they never show hospital scenes in shows like this and I needed a fix :)

The Long Road Home- Cordell Walker, Texas Ranger, was undercover for 11 months. He went dark for several of them. When he finally came back online, he wasn't the same man he was when he left. What happened and how will he recover? An alternate universe exploration of Walker coming home.

Don't Get (A)Head of Yourself- Cordell and Emily are taking a couples camping trip. Things don't go exactly to plan.

Cry For Help- Cordell knows something is off about how his wife died but he's not quite sure why. He turns to the internet in his time of need and finds an unexpected source of help.

Grass is Greener on the Other Side- An exploration of what might’ve happened if Cordell hadn’t listen to Liam during 2 x 04 (It’s Not What You Think).

It's Probably Nothing- “Listen, I don’t know who you are. I don’t know who Sammy is or why he left you but I’m not him.”///“Don’t worry, Sammy. I don’t know what happened to you but I’ll get you fixed up. You just need to remember me, that’s all. It’ll be okay. Dean's here now.”

Missed You- After a long day, Cordell gets a much-needed phone call from an old friend.

Here For You- It's not until late at night when Cordell has a chance to really process what happened that day. He's handling as well as can be expected. Micki's there to lend an ear.

A Series of Fortunate Events- A collection of alternative endings/events for 2x12

A Difference of Environment- Cordell Walker is undercover, not just as Duke Culpepper, but as an Omega. When his secrets are revealed, he's surprised to find acceptance rather than rejection. And maybe he finds a little something else….

One Last Checkup- Cordell knows what his kids went through today and he decides to check up on them before he goes to bed.

Going Home- Cordell Walker has been held captive for a long time. Now, he plans to escape. Or, a sort of speculative piece on how Cordell might escape the ones that captured him in the season 2 finale

In Another Life- What if Cordell Walker had told Twyla Jean the truth about his undercover mission before the last bank job?

Desperate Measures- What if August had been taken instead of Liam? A little exploration on how he might have handled that.

Groundhog Day is Just a Movie- In which Cordell finds himself stuck in a time loop

Hiding in Plain Sight- 15 years after Cordell ran away from home, he returns to Austin with his wife and new life. He just wants to live his life without worrying about what he left behind. Unfortunately, he moved in right next door to his little brother.

Basic Instinct- In which Cordell storms down to Desert Speed Wars to pick up his kids and his car. Shannon and her buddies have varied responses.

We Just Need to Talk- Liam has a nightmare about his time in captivity and goes looking for comfort. After witnessing Cordell have a nightmare too, he decides enough is enough. They don’t have to talk about what happened, but they are going to engage in some brotherly cuddles and at least acknowledge that there’s a problem.

Worst Kept Secrets- James is worried about Cordell and talks to Micki. Micki tries to talk to Cordell.

The Smell of Fear- Alpha!Cordell has an extreme reaction to seeing his omega brother in cuffs and bruised. He goes feral, kills a few guys with his bare hands, the usual. When rescue finally arrives, he’s still in feral mode and won't let the rescue team near them, so Cassie has to go in and try to cool him off. Eventually, they tranquilize him and keep him under until the feral has worn off.

Paradigm Shift- But there was one more thing Liam needed to get off his chest. He just wasn’t sure he had the guts to do it.

Under Duress- In the cage, Liam was unwillingly turned into an Omega via special pills that were outlawed decades ago. When he goes into heat, Cordell fears for his life and does what he thinks is necessary.

When It All Comes Crashing Down- The Walker family's initial reactions to Abby's collapse

A Special Dinner- Cordell is making a special dinner for his and Emily's anniversary. If only she was coming…..

Behind Closed Doors- AU in which Emily groomed August and no one was the wiser, least of all Cordell. Cordell has to process what his wife did to his son under his nose and August has to accept what happened to him.

How We Get Here- In which Cassie figures out Cordell sent her on a wild goose chase and tracks the GPS on the impound vehicle to find him. She's not exactly happy to see him but they have bigger fish to fry at the moment.

Sweet Child of Mine- When Liam asks to go to the hospital for a checkup, Cordell agrees because he feels Off as well. Little does he know how serious his condition really is.

Parallels- Cordell Walker is finally home after being released by the FBI. His whole family is worried about him but he's a little more worried about August

Under Fire- Cassie and Cordell go down together in the line of duty and get a little too close to death for comfort. Here’s how everyone deals with it

Haunting Melodies- While working late at the Side Step, Cordell meets a lovely young woman named Lucia. They hit it off really well, but Cordell seems to be the only one who sees her.

Confidential Details- Julia is in town for a job. Cordell has some information that would be helpful. If only he could share….

Uninvited Guest- “Oh look who's girlfriend showed up to the crime scene before any other journalist did. Again.”

Wait For Me- Julia's work takes her all over the world at a moments' notice. Cordell just wishes he would have a little more heads' up.

Taking Breaks is Important- Julia is stressing over planning their honeymoon. Cordell uses creative methods to get her to take a break.

About A Boy- In which Cordell decided to be the older brother Kevin lost to the war

Daddy's Girl- Sometimes Cordell wonders if Sadie can suck cock as good as her dad used to

Unexpected- Cordell learns some new things during family movie night

Like a Phoenix, We Rise- Cordell and Hoyt have lived impossibly long lives over and over again. Cordell starts to get bored by the same old pattern and tries to live at least one lifetime with meaning. This ends up with him becoming a part of the Walker family, starting with Abigail in Independence all the way through Abeline and Bonham in modern day Austin. He knew falling in love was risky. He knew having kids was risky. He just wishes he knew how to make it all work after he lost the person that made it all worth it.

It'll Be Okay- Because there's no way that little trailer got pelted with bullets and the only thing that got hit was Cordell's hat

Devil on Your Shoulder- AU in which Hoyt was around during 1x18 and plays the devil on Cordell's shoulder

[agentem]

Emily DOESN’T watch Iron Fist

The final installment (?).

Originally I started the “Emily watches Iron Fist So You Don’t Have To” tag because I wanted to recap the series for those of my friends who had decided to conscientiously object to watching it (because of the racism #AAIronFist controversy), which I totally understood and supported.

I chose to watch the show to support Colleen Wing who is a fave of mine (because Misty Knight owns my heart and Colleen is her bestie).

But you may recall that yesterday I stopped after the creator of Iron Fist said some racist things in an interview. I felt that changed this because before I was happy to criticize the adaptation--as many adaptations of comics are terrible--and hoped to get some enjoyment out of the characters I truly cared about (Colleen, Claire, and--as it turned out--Madame Gao) and have fun mocking the elements that I did not enjoy.

Today I’ve decided not to watch the rest of the series after reading some spoilers about the three episodes that I haven’t gotten to. I’m going to spoil them below the cut for those of you who were following my tag so they would get the gist of Iron Fist without having to watch it (and for Cameron H. who was having fun watching my reactions to this mess).

In fact, I may just summarize the things that could be applicable to The Defenders from much of the series, again so you don’t have to.

COLLEEN WING. Colleen Wing is gorgeous and beautiful and I love her with all my heart. She opens the series as the “sensei” at an NYC dojo where she teaches neighborhood kids how to defend themselves to give them a sense of purpose and a place to go. She is doing good in the community and also a badass. She is a precious flower. 

Then halfway through the series things start to go awry. She sleeps with Danny and starts to act oddly. She also suddenly has her own “sensei” (Bakuto, played by Ramon Rodriguez) who had not previously been mentioned in the first six episodes. I went on a rant about this, that they were taking away her agency and giving her a man to boss her around. You can read said rant in the recaps.

For those of you familiar with the comics, Bakuto is a member of the Hand and a bad guy. So I was immediately suspicious of him. However what I did NOT expect was that it would be revealed that BOTH he AND Colleen were members of the Hand.

That’s right! Our girl, Colleen, who teaches low-income children at her own expense, thinks cage fights lack honor, etc has joined an evil ninja cult that has thus far only been shown to RUN DRUGS and MURDER PEOPLE.

In the show, they attempt to justify this by having Colleen think Gao’s faction of the Hand (again, in Daredevil she was not in the fucking hand, but now she leads her own faction) is an evil splinter group, and that the rest is fine. But it doesn’t explain why Colleen wouldn’t be like, “what what?” when Danny says the Iron Fist’s purpose is to protect K’un L’un from the Hand.

Basically the first six episodes don’t agree with the later six episodes, none of which agree with the continuity of Daredevil .

Since the Daredevil creative team are the ones behind The Defenders (which I was originally kind of meh on because I like Luke Cage and Jessica Jones better, but now I’m like THANK GOD they didn’t involve the Iron Fist team), I hope this is completely fucking ignored and Colleen can go back to being the badass defender of the poor.

Ultimately she decides to side with Danny against the Hand and Bakuto and one of her students, Darryl. Bakuto is killed but still might come back in the way the Hand people do. But I am going to pretend this did not happen.

HEADCANON: Collen was as she was for the first six episodes. Her student, Darryl, joined another dojo and was recruited into the Hand. Now her student (who apparently was also in Luke Cage so might be important) might be evil unless she is able to get through to him.

MADAME GAO. As I have said above, the only thing that I will thank Iron Fist for is truly making me understand my deep love of Madame Gao. You may remember her from Daredevil. In season one, she was the elderly Chinese lady who worked with Kingpin by running a drug operation.

In season 2, she was in just one episode where she had been reduced to hiding out in Chinatown because her drug trade had been affected by “The Blacksmith” who was running his own drug trade and was responsible for the death of the Punisher’s family. Gao helped Daredevil locate a shipment of The Blacksmith’s drugs, leading to the confrontation with him and the Punisher on the docks. She painted the entire time and was amazing.

In Iron Fist, she is still running drugs but now somehow has the assets of the Rand Corporation at her disposal because she’s part of the Hand. None of this rings true to her depiction in Daredevil. She of course interacted with the Hand, particularly Nobu and didn’t seem to be against them. But then each of Kingpin’s allies seemed to have their own purpose. The Hand was the muscle and Madame Gao provided money.

I personally think this is racist. Gao is Chinese. The Hand are Japanese (originally, at least). Maybe the Iron Fist showrunners just confused the Asian people? Or perhaps because Madame Gao’s Daredevil season 1 drugs bore the “Steel Serpent” Iron Fist logo, they felt they had to put her in Iron Fist and just shoehorned her into the role of Hand leader.

What We Learn About Her in Iron Fist: Gao claims to be immortal, and is possibly from K’un L’un. She, at the very least, has spent a lot of time there. She has some kind of telekinetic superpower, which seems odd she never used on Daredevil. She still runs drugs for money. She thinks Danny Rand is a shitty Iron Fist (I agree, see below).

The actress who plays her, Wai Ching Ho, is amazingly great in a role that could be stereotypical or unsympathetic. You are just like, yes of course the Hand do what Madame Gao tells them because she’s got so much authority.

HEADCANON: Madame Gao joined the Hand after Danny Rand became the Iron Fist. She thinks he’s shitty and can’t protect her homeland (see below) and is angered by his presence in her territory of New York. She doesn’t have the same animosity to Daredevil as she has to Iron Fist. She actually kind of respects Daredevil in a way.

THE MEACHUMS. The show spends a lot of time on the Meachums. The two children are Ward and Joy and the father is Harold (”Daddy Faramir” in my recaps). THEY DO NOT MATTER. This is almost all filler and a complete waste of your viewing time. The only thing that MIGHT be relevant is that Harold (Daddy Faramir) was resurrected by the Hand. After he is killed again, he still comes back. Meaning those revived by the Hand (like Nobu and Elektra) will keep coming back.

But each time they come back, they come back worse. Supposedly they kill will ultimately kill all the people they love.

You can only totally forever kill them by cutting their head off. Or incinerating them, I guess. Since Ward says he’s going to cremate his father. It only really matters insofar as it applies to Elektra. She has her head. She will come back.

DANNY RAND IS A TERRIBLE IRON FIST. This is consistent throughout the series.I’m used to Danny being a kind of peaceful presence but also someone with great purpose. This Danny i not that. He’s pretty aimless. When he shows up in New York, he’s got no clue about anything--not what happened to his family or the Meachums and he has NO insight about the Hand. Supposedly he’s the enemy of the Hand but he’s never met one and didn’t know they were in New York. Question mark?

He also left K’un L’un unprotected, and you’d assume it was to go take the fight to the Hand (which is something Madame Gao says) but... no. He just came to say hi or whatever. Steel Serpent, usually a villain, is dispatched to bring him back to K’un L’un. Like, hey, you might want to do your job, bro?

He has no problem killing people, and often people like Claire Temple and Joy Meachum try to keep him from killing people which seems at odds with a lot of the Buddhist philosophy he has appropriatedspouts.

Danny also doesn’t seem to understand the actual Iron Fist weapon, like what it can be used for. He punches through doors a lot, and I make fun of him. Also sometimes when he punches people with the Iron Fist they are really hurt and sometimes completely average joes are JUST FINE. Nor does he know about the healing properties of the Iron Fist (the ability to use his chi to clense people). He actually has to be told about this by Bakuto, an evil Hand member (!!!).

And the big reveal at the end of the series, is that K’un L’un has been destroyed. So, yeah, he’s a terrible Iron Fist because he failed to do his duty when he went on a weird vacation to New York.

So that’s it. That’s the series. It’s about a hero who is terrible at his job and is generally a failure in every way. It’s no wonder that Steel Serpent ends up wanting to kill him. Madame Gao is probably like, “Yeah, I told you from the beginning.”

You really don’t have to look at it very closely to realize she is actually the hero of the piece. If she’s from K’un L’un, then this white guy has come to her homeland and stolen its MOST POWERFUL weapon without realizing what it can do. Like stealing a nuke or something and then going on a walkabout. He takes this dangerous weapon home with him and she’s like fuck I gotta stop this guy. He could hurt people, and people back home will die if the weapon isn’t returned.

The show should be called Iron Fist: Weapon of Mass Destruction.

[stansethandpaul]

Jealousy Jealousy (rewrite)

Angst -> Fluff: Embry Call x GN!reader

Summary: Embry gives y/n a slap in the face about reality after they constantly sulk about Bella.

A/N: I'm much more content with this one and I actually might end up deleting the other one, sorry about that. I actually took a lot more time editing this and didn't write this when I was burnt out compared to the other one! I'm just overall way happier with the other one because I knew that the other one wasn't my true capability.

warnings: angst (that's all I could really think of tell me if you see anything else!)

Masterlist

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Constant notifications vibrated Jacob's phone as we sat on his couch together watching the movie on the screen. I shot him a look of annoyance, signaling him to check his phone which he did swiftly. His eyes shot open in surprise before he shot up from the couch and throwing on a shirt and shoes, hopping out the door as he attempted to put the last shoe on.

"Sorry y/n! Bella just told me she was free, you know what it's been like for her!" He hastily shouted out before sprinting down the gravel driveway.

"Bye!" I shouted back, trying to hide my disappointment.

I grimaced at the situation. On one hand, I knew how the sudden disappearance of the Cullens devastated her, especially Edward's sudden abandonment but this happened way too many times. But on the other, Jacob was like her puppy dog now, it was like I wasn't even his friend anymore, it was like our friendship meant nothing.

Knowing that Jacob wouldn't be back anytime soon, I got my stuff and locked the door behind me before driving over to Emily's place to surround myself in the livelier company.

"Sup y/n! Missed me didn't ya!" Jared boomed as I opened the door to which I replied with a "you wish". I chuckled at his dramatic pain as he pretended to hold his heart, eyes shut and face contorting.

"Know where Embry is?" Questioning the dramatic boy as I peered around the room to see if I could find any trace of the lanky boy, no luck.

"Finding your loverboy huh? With the deepest of regrets, I must inform you that he was put on patrol today." He said, mocking my curiosity over Embry's whereabouts. I stuck my tongue out at him to tease him before flipping him off and leaving to the porch to await Embry.

"Knock it off Paul, it's not what you think"

"yeah sure, and if it wasn't what I HEARD THROUGH THE MINDLINK then I don't know what else it could have been"

Their voices permeated through the thick fog as their silhouettes came into view, Paul's muscly tall physique was seen locking an arm around Embry's tall lanky but lean body.

"Aw buzz off Paul," Embry said as he struggled to get Paul's arm off of his neck. He laughed at his struggle before letting go as he noticed me, shooting Embry a smirk to which a slight blush came onto his face, only noticeable as they got closer. Odd.

"Sup Paul," I smirked at him before turning my attention over to Embry.

"And hello to you too wolf boy," teasing him to which he shot a glare at me before attempting to stifle his laughs.

Paul said a prompt bye before jogging into the house to fill up his appetite whilst Embry sat down next to me, his body warmth radiating. The cold air nipped at my skin, pushing me to get closer to the much warmer boy as I swung my legs into his lap and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Jacob left again?"

A sigh left my mouth at his obvious question.

Closing my eyes promptly, I answered with a short nod. A response that showed my true feelings after all these times of being blown off by Jacob.

We sat in silence, my eyes closed as I felt his shoulders move up and down in a rhythmic motion, lulling me to sleep almost. The deafening quiet seemed to almost suffocate us before I decided to talk.

"I don't know what to do anymore Embry, I'm always there for him when he needs me but, he runs to her at the drop of a hat or more like a single text message," I grumbled, reminiscing about the times Jacob's left me in the dust for Bella, excuses sprouting up.

"Why does everyone in this town seem to be so infatuated with her," expecting no response I kept going.

"Is it because she's Charlie's daughter? Hell if I was his child Jacob would be all over me too right? I'd be the hot topic of town too, people staring at me wherever I go, being suddenly accepted by the Cullen family and Jacob. I'd really have the best of both worlds wouldn't I?" Scowling at my own questions, I turned to Embry for answers.

"Am I not right?"

Silence.

"Helloooooooo, Earth to Embry?" I said, poking his cheeks with my finger. His brows seemed to be furrowed together, eyes lost in thought, his attention elsewhere.

There seemed to be no response from him to which I huffed and turned back to stare at the fog rolling in.

Closing my eyes to embrace the serenity once more, his lulling voice startled me.

“I don’t think it’s true.”

I turned my head towards him, curiosity piqued by his response.

“Let’s be real Embry, I’d have the best time of my life if I was Bella fucking Swan. Every guy would love me, all the attention would be on me and I wouldn’t be a second option again. Hell, I’d even be able to actually confess to my crush without fearing rejection.” Bitterness laced the last sentence as I satirically spoke my mind. Looking at Embry’s hands and wishing they were embracing mine, the sudden gesture of his fist clenching as his knuckles turned white shocked me, he was mad.

“God y/n, why the hell do you always need to compare yourself to Bella? She hasn’t even done anything to you. It’s always Bella this Bella that if I was her blah blah blah. Get over yourself, you’re not her and you won’t ever be. Learn how to appreciate yourself and live YOUR life and stop moping around. So what Jacob runs to Bella each time, you have Jared, Emily, Paul, and everyone else.”

A long silence suspended in the air.

“You have me and you come running, you never see the other people around you cause you’re too busy complaining. You can’t even see how much I love you cause you’re so stuck up about being Bella and being Jacob’s priority aren’t you?” Finishing his sentence, he proceeded to get up before walking away. Stopping before reaching the woods, his back faced to me, he spoke simply.

“Find me when you can learn to be y/n and not Bella.”

His form morphed before running into the woods on all fours, leaving me stunned. After a brief moment, tears flooded my eyes. I never got to tell him that I do like him, I never got to tell him that I just want his attention, I just wanted him.

Thoughts spiraled in my head, I was jealous of Bella for sure but I was jealous because of the attention she was given. I just wanted Embry to treat me like she was treated, I wanted to be special to him.

I ran home, I ran because I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't be able to look at him properly.

Weeks passed as we ceased to talk, and I ceased to exist in the small town of Forks. Or so I thought.

I groaned as heavy knocks assaulted my front door, I picked up the phone looking at the time. Who the hell shows up at someone's house at 4am?

Throwing on a sweater and sweats, I dragged myself to the front door, the cold hardwood floor seemingly repelling me from ever making any progress. I swung the door open, grumbling as my eyes were half open wondering who it was.

Jacob Black.

Mentally sighing, I invited him inside from the pouring rain, he seemed devastated.

He sat down after he changed as I made him some hot chocolate to comfort him.

"She chose him y/n, he came back and she chose him over me. She drove to Italy for that stupid bloodsucker." His cracking voice was more than enough for me to grasp his frustration and devastation.

"I dropped everything for her, I did everything for her y/n. And she still chose the guy that skipped town huh?" Laughing bitterly at the situation, I stared at his cup before handing it to him.

"Maybe if I was better than Edward I would've won this stupid fucking battle," his words escaping his clenched teeth. He was like me, we were jealous of someone, someone that seemed to win everything, someone that we were not. The words spoken to me by Embry were words I carried with me even as I was moping over the whole situation.

"Stop comparing yourself to him, Jacob. You're not Edward and you won't ever be him. You're so insistent on being better than Edward or being Edward that you can't even see what's in front of you. I was always here for you Jake, I was always here but you treated me like I was a second option. You left me in a heartbeat for her but you never had time to spend with me, not even five minutes, when you were with her," I too chuckled bitterly at the ironic situation, me and Jacob were similar in many ways.

"Learn to live your life, don't live it for her or because of her, learn how to live it like you want." Those words seemed to resonate deep within both of us. After finally speaking those words, I realized that I was ready to live my life as y/n, a citizen of the small city of Forks, and not vying to be Bella, the new girl to forks.

I stood up, putting on shoes hastily before grabbing the handle. I could sense Jacob's attempt to stop me and apologize for his treatment but I knew better.

"It's ok, I know you're gonna apologize. I'm not going to accept, I want the Jake that will care and treat everyone with the same importance that you had for Bella. Come to me when you're ready, but until then I hope you grow and learn how to live your life."

I paused again, one foot out of the door.

"I have someone important to apologize to, someone that didn't leave me in the blink of an eye."

I hurriedly shut the door behind me before running to the woods, my lungs burning and legs aching as I forced myself to my limit. I ran and ran, visions of the houses slowly turned to trees, the crunching leaves under my feet reminded me of the days we would all run through the woods.

My breathing became labored as I was reaching my breaking point but it was close, our place was close. Then, in my distant vision, I could see it. That one pine tree, seemingly normal to many, but to me, it held our memories. The initials only reassured my assumption as I knew that he would be here waiting. As I got closer to the tree, my legs gave out under me, sending me tumbling to the ground whilst tree branches scratched my arms and ripped a hole in my pants.

"EMBRY! EMBRY I'M HERE PLEASE!" I shouted into the dark forest, eyes tearing up once more as I pleaded.

"I LOVE YOU EMBRY CALL AND I'M SORRY I WAS TOO BLIND TO REALIZE IT!" I shouted once more before crumpling closer to the ground, my tears now fully flowing and hitting the dead leaves below.

Maybe I took too long, maybe he moved on, maybe I was too jealous of someone to even realize his love.

As sobs continued throughout my body, the hope of him ever coming was diminishing.

I was too late.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of strong but warm arms wrap around my waist and pulling me up.

"Shhh, it's ok I'm here now."

That voice, I looked up to see Embry's face which held a dorky grin. I threw my arms around him as sobs still left my body, the emotional rollercoaster was far too much for me to handle.

"I-i'm s-s-so sorry Embry, I was too focused on trying to be Bella that I-"

"I know, I know, I heard it all," shushing me as he rubbed circles on my back consoling me. After what felt like hours in his embrace, I finally calmed down and only tear stains remained.

I finally lifted my head to meet his eyes properly this time, he stared back with tender eyes.

"You finally learned how to live for you huh?" He asked, not expecting an answer to which I was oblivious.

Before I could respond, he pressed his lips to mine. I didn't try and fight it and melted into it instead.

I was blind to be jealous of Bella when I already had something that she fought to keep.

Smiling mentally, I wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

Taglist: @krispypotato @therandomficwriter @crackheadenergy101 @cole22ann @uraveragegorewhore @xxx-wounded-angel-xxx @theonlyabby02 @lendeluxe @sassybadqueen @myflicker @junitorials13 @leahishotclearwater @pillowjj @mangobubblet3a @fuzzy-panda @beautiful-1nsanity @asprinkleoffaithandtrust @remembered-license @gutflorizt @sassybadqueen @britty443 @tsukkiswifeey @uraveragegorewhore @blackqueens01 @asprinkleoffaithandtrust @remembered-license @alwayshave-faith @nichia88-blog

[kyunisixx]

champagne problems (part i)

a/n: back with another fic inspired by champagne problems by Taylor Swift. went circles with this one but it may possibly have a part 2.

themes: angst, heartbreak, and absolute heartbreak.

pairing: jimmy page x fem!reader

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You're not sure which is worse

She wasn't sure what drove her to act like she did tonight. Of course she was very much in love and head over heels. She can never fathom the idea of being with someone for the rest of her life other than him. The champagne she was sipping on earlier this evening left a lingering, bitter taste in her mouth, a pungent regret, and a sour truth.

Her ears are ringing and her chest felt like it was being compressed by a large boulder. Every breath she struggles to inhale seems to burn her throat, her eyes are clouded with tears. An experience she never thought she'd go through again, and this time, no comfort of Jimmy's embrace would calm her down. She then slumped back into a brick wall and slid down into the cold ground. 

As her breathing slowed down into a calmer pattern, she realized what she was feeling wasn't even a quarter close to what he must have been feeling at this moment. 

Jimmy, her darling Jimmy. That little boy who she met under a sycamore tree beside an old building during lunch hours. He stood up from the other side and dusted his perfectly ironed uniform and came over with his lunchbox in hand. He stopped in front of her and stretched his arm down to show the box into her view. 

"Take it. I don't like peanut butter. I'm not allergic, it's just disgusting" 

He had said in a clipped voice, but it didn't stop her mouth from morphing into a wide smile which exposed her missing tooth. "Hello, I'm new here. It's nice to meet you and I'm Y/N. How about you, what's your name?"

The stoic little boy ended up sitting beside her and she listened as he endlessly expressed his undying hate for peanut butter and how he pretends he does. His love for music and his dreams to study biological research.

He took her to a lake just a few minutes walk away from his home for the first time that weekend. "It's my safe place. I'd go here whenever I feel like I need an escape", he had said.

In his shoulder, was a bag carrying a large guitar. She watched him meander his bony but elegant fingers across the strings creating a beautiful sound which could almost lull her to sleep but his out-of-tune voice kept her laughter bubbling out. They had stayed seated on a blanket until dusk came around.

Her fingers wipe the lone tear which fell on a picture in her wallet. It was a faded photograph of them during their high school prom. Both older and he, a lot taller. What once was a little girl with a missing front tooth, now a young woman smiling at the lense of the camera. And what once was a shy and mysterious little boy, now shares the same smile and possesses the same glint of adoration in his eyes for the woman in front of him. Flowy and white was the dress she wore and a large suit with a funny-looking tie for his lanky form. She could vividly remember her hands shaking as he took her hand in his after she had asked him to leave early and avoid prom pageant schemes. He whisked her away under the same old sycamore tree and rested their expensively-clothed backs on the moist grass in silence. A few minutes, he sat up straight and with a stuttering voice, he confessed his love right there, reciting a long message in which she interrupted with a longing kiss.

He was there to watch her audition and rejected a few times for the football team until she was finally able to get in. She was amongst the crowd of people to watch him at his gigs and push him to work towards his passion and to create music.

His family loved her and her family adored him. As Emily Bronte said; whatever their souls are made of, his and hers are the same. 

So when he had her over to his parent's house for Christmas eve, she knew something was up. Everyone had a giddy smile as they seemed to knowingly stare at either her or Jimmy. And he, especially, appeared to be distracted and uneasy. Never in her years of knowing him had she seen him act like he does as he always was well-put together.

After dinner was served, glasses of champagne were being distributed as family members turned to each other to form in small groups of their own as they all waited for countdown.

"What do you want to get for Christmas?", Jimmy's sister cheekily asked, Y/N being unaware of its doubled meaning. She smiled fondly.

"I'm happy right where I am"

"I'd be damned if you weren't", his sister laughed heartily. 

They had chatted and shared half-drunken giggles for a few minutes until his sister broke free from the conversation when someone called her over. It was when the room got unmistakably quiet. She turned around to see Jimmy, standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room. Some eyes were focused on him and others were seeking her reaction. 

"You were the first one to listen to my hateful rant about peanut butter sandwiches, the first one to believe in what I can do and urged me to do what I desire. I cannot possibly express in any word the fondness I have felt the moment I have laid my eyes on you and your smile many years ago. An outcast like me, you were. But so unaware of the shine you possess and how you have everyone in every room in the palms of your tiny hands…"

It took her a few seconds to discern what was happening. As words spilled from his shaking lips, her ears weren't so responding anymore. So many thoughts were running all over her brain. He was about to propose marriage. She looked around to see looks of expectancy and hope in every family members and friends' eyes, the nervousness in Jimmy's voice and the distinct elephant in the room.

Jimmy and her were only young adults, her being 18 and him only a year older. Her heart pounded at the thought of being a burden and possibly hold Jimmy back from pursuing his dreams. Add the fact that she had goals of her own and even though the idea of growing old with Jimmy was all she wanted, she knew it was too soon. But her idea to explain her reason was impossible when there were so many people around, all expecting her to give one answer; Yes. The pressure was building up from her very core which pushed moist in her eyes and her knuckles to turn white from balling them into fists. Never in her lifetime did she think hurting Jimmy was the only resort to protect him. 

"...I am irrevocably in love with every fibre of your being and I want to spend my last, withering days with you, Y/N. Will you marry me?"

There was an impenetrable silence fogging the room. Her heart was pummeling against her ribcage as her breaths came in short puffs. Her mouth opened and closed again as she searched Jimmy's eyes for signs of hoax. His were desperately seeking hers for answers as his fingers gripped the emerald ring from where he was kneeling down on one knee.

"Jimmy… I", her voice croaked out dryly and swallowed. She locked her eyes on his green irises, ones she adored so much. Her lower lip trembled as she searched his face one more time. She was so desperate to say yes, but she knew she would regret it and would only end up hurting him more. Her hands reached down to cup his cheek, smiled sadly and in a small voice, she uttered, "I'm sorry, I can't".

Then she ran outside, leaving Jimmy, her Jimmy, to watch her leave and wallow in tears.

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready, so I watch you go

Sometimes you just don't know the answer

'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

fogs on windshield glass (part ii)

⭐writings list⭐

taglist: @jonesyjonesyjonesy , @princesspagey (if you want to added in, let a sis know)

[eyes-of-heimdall]

this is a little spoiler-y so i totally understand if you don't answer but-- how do you think louis and yakumo would react if their s/o was the one who took on all the relics instead of Io in the Dweller in the Dark ending?? (you can also do other character's reaction if you want💕)

[Oh no worries! I’ve finished the game and i’m awaiting the dlc for lord of thunder right now! Had to help someone with classes yesterday so I sadly couldn’t get this out immediately. Hopefully you enjoy reading these as much as I did trying to make them!]

 Louis when you successfully absorb the relics

So Louis would be watching in absolute horror. seeing these relics swirl around you before absorbing them all and becoming the tree? he wouldn’t know what to say or even do for it

He would definitely cry because he watched you sacrifice yourself to restore the blood beads, something he never fully prepared himself for. Add in the reminder that you would pretty much be eternally left to produce beads until your body gave out and frenzied? This poor man would react worse than when he found out that Karen took up the mantle before you did.

Returning to home base alone would hurt for him. Louis could be talking about something everyone knew he was passionate about but in his eyes, he would just seem dead inside. Cheering him up would be near impossible and even if you succeeded, it would only last for an hour at best.

Would have an even bigger guilt complex that forms because of the loss. You think he held on to failing Cruz with an iron fist? His emotions on you would be far worse, since it would already compound into his regrets of not doing what she asked.

He’d HATE himself for not being able to fix the problem like he promised you that didn’t involve sacrifice. He told you so often that you didn’t have to carry the burden alone and now look: you were once again; holding up the entirety of the world by mere strings. And he knew that no matter how badly he wanted to switch places, no matter how many days he would leave flowers or read to you or try to find another way to produce blood beads that there was just no known way for him to bring you back. And that? That was what killed him inside.

Yakumo when you successfully absorb the relics

Oh. Oh no. Yakumo would be so lost. Just watching you become the tree would cause terror to creep onto his face. It was as if everything was in slow motion for him. One minute you were there, fighting the Virgin born with an unmatched ferocity and the next? You’re a tree, blooming blood beads while you were encased inside, never to be free.

Once the gravity of the situation hit? He’d scream and cry and beat his fists against the ground from the shock. He had hoped it was going to be different. That it could’ve been anyone else but you. Or that there was a better way.

But he knew that there wasn’t a better way. That something had to give. A sacrifice had to be made to make sure everyone could finally be safe. That frenzy would never have to be a common occurrence if the beads were restored.

When everyone first returned, Yakumo’s usual happy go lucky attitude would be all but nonexistent. He’d either want to be alone or would be uncomfortably serious while he comes to terms with what happened. He lost his significant other and with the temptation to drink himself into a stupor, he wouldn’t know what to do. Then he would think of you and how you’d feel if he let himself spiral out of control. And that was the kick he needed to start finding the will to live.

He would always protect your tree, showing up with cards, a drink and some blood beads as well as his weapons; making sure no one found out about you in the Gaol. This would become a habit and after some time, others may join him. Some days it was Louis who joined him, other it was Emily and every now and a again, even Rin or Coco joined him. But no matter what, he swore to protect your new form for as long as he could.

Bonus: Mia when you successfully absorb the relics

You could hear a pin drop when she watched your form become the tree. Everything that ever happened played through her mind. From the first encounter to when you two became best friends and more once pleasant memories. Then she let out a heart breaking wail, something so bad they could feel the Gaol begin to shake.

Everyone had to pull her out, with her fighting all the way through because she was shown the most kindness by you, she bonded with you and cared about you and even told Nicola about you and you were taken from her. You were her glimmer of hope in a dark world for saving her baby brother and now she couldn’t even free you from your own prison.

She would be harsh to everyone but Nicola because she wishes it was anyone else who did it. She despised how weak she felt. It was as if Nicola was dying of frenzy all over again. Her stomach churned and twisted from the painful thought that this time, there was no nice and neat ending. That despite you saving everyone, when you needed it the most, no one could return the favor.

Ultimately she came to accept what happened and began to visit your tree; mostly leaving gifts that you once liked in life. She would even vent to you about her days sometimes, hoping that you could somehow hear her. After some time, she would bring Nicola to see your new form and explain what you did for everyone

Though there was some hope when she saw that at the base of your tree, a flower began to bloom, right where she would sit everyday. it wasn’t much, but maybe it was a sign from you that you were still around, in spirit at least

[sssssssim]

ew. com/tv/2019/03/06/arrow-season-8-final/ So season 8 of Arrow will be shortened and its last. I guess we might've all seen this coming. I'm curious as to how long it's been developing, esp considering the cross over this past year and Oliver's fate in it. I really hope they don't kill him off, not after everything he's been through. It's be nice to see Thea again. Also makes you wonder how many more seasons Arrow, Supergirl, Legends could go on for. Your thoughts on it all?

So. I’ve had a few days to sit on it and really think about this. Get ready for some babble.

I’ll start by saying that I’m glad. 

On one hand, I’m glad that it’s going to end. It’s been going on for long enough, and the past few seasons have not been as good as their firsts. Honestly, they should have ended it a while ago, but I’m still glad they’re ending it when they are. … I’m glad they’re not dragging it on to fifteen seasons (yeah, I’m looking at you, Supernatural).

On the other hand, I’m glad we’re still getting season 8. Yeah, it’s going to be shorter, just 10 episodes, that’s fine by me. But it’s important that we’re getting it, because it gives the writers a chance to tie up all the loose ends. I would have been very, very pissed, if it would have ended at s7, in a massive cliffhanger.

As for the story… Yes, I’m alarmed for Crisis on Infinite Earths. I think there’s a big chance they’re going to kill off Oliver, especially after what mysterius deal he made with the Monitor in Elseworlds. … I don’t know if I’m okay with that. I don’t know if I’m okay with anyone dying then, although I know they’re all supposed to.

It could happen, though. There’s gonna be 10 episodes in s8, and they could time it so that the crossover episode is the last Arrow one. And Oliver dies then. It could happen, but I don’t want it. I might change my mind till next year, but… ouch.

At the end of the day, I hope they do it justice. I didn’t enjoy the latest seasons as much as I did the first three, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy Arrow. I did, actually. Quite a lot.

Arrow holds a dear place in my heart.

All the olicity fanfic I’ve written, it’s taken me places. I made friends because of it, at one point in time it gave me a lil bit of fame in this fandom :)), it helped me practice my English and it gave me a lot of confidence, as a fic writer.

It’s the reason I started getting into DC. I didn’t grew up with Superman and Batman, I was never really interested in non-Marvel superheroes, but Arrow made me fall a lil in love with DC superheroes, and the Arrowverse is the only reason I know anything about them, and Arrow is the one that started it all.

Arrow is ridiculously important, because it was the first superhero show. It was the first one, in a while, that was good, that was popular enough, that started the process of making superhero tv shows A Thing. 

And look where we are now, seven years later. The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, Supergirl, Black Lightning, Constantine, Gotham, Titans, Doom Patrol, Krypton, Batwoman. Agents of Shield, Agent Carter, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, The Defenders, Runaways, The Gifted, Legion, Cloak & Dagger, Deadly Class. And The Tick, which I don’t watch, oops. What else did I miss?

Arrow started it all.

Yeah, I haven’t written any proper fic for it in years. Yeah, I haven’t loved the past seasons.

But that doesn’t erase the fact that I do still love Arrow, as a whole.

I’ll be sad to see it go. But I hope, I’m praying, that they’re going to give it the farewell it deserves.

I am so very excited for the actors, though. I always am, when a show ends. Like… Yeah, man, I see Stephen Amell and I instantly think “Oh, that’s Oliver.”, but I’m so excited to stop doing that. Everyone involved in the show, from Stephen, Emily and David, to the kiddos, Kat and Ben, they have proven their worth, as actors. I am so excited to see where they go next. 

As for the rest of the Arrowverse shows… I don’t think their success is connected to Arrow’s demise. I hope they’re smart enough to treat all of them as separate entities and to keep them around, as long as the views justify it. As of right now, I’m loving Flash above anything else, and both Legends and Supergirl are hella fun to watch. I hope they don’t cancel them anytime soon.

At the end of the day, I realize that this news has got me very excited.

I’m excited to see how the two timelines we’re seeing now, in s7, are gonna wrap up, and I’m excited to see which of them we’ll be seeing in s8.

I’m excited for s8. I’m excited for the emotional mess I’m gonna be in as the last episode airs, I’m excited to see how it’s going to end.

I’m excited for Crisis on Infinite Earths. Knowing that it’s going to be the last big Arrowverse crossover, I know it’s going to be bigger, better than all of the rest combined. It’s going to be fucking huge.

I’m excited to see Stephen and Emily be … someone else, something else :).

I’m excited to be a part of the end of Arrow. I’ve always been excited to be a part of it. 

Because this, this show, these moments we’re going through, they’re 

superhero tv history, and we’re all a part of it. 

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode 9

Is Claire in this one? Yes.

Is Colleen in this one? Yes.

Is Madame Gao in this one? Yes. I think she’s the titular “Mistress of All Agonies” which is what I want everyone to address me as now.

We open at a beautiful lake, where Daddy Faramir opens his eyes and is like “WTF?” See!  Okay, this is what I mean about me not understanding the Hand rebirth process. Like I had initially been surprised that Ward could kill him. But it turns out I was right and the show was just faking me out for an episode. Great. I love it when shows jerk me around.

Cancel Billy Boyd’s song, guys!

Danny has Gao tied up at Colleen’s dojo. Claire and Colleen are like, “this is dumb.” He wants to know if his father was involved with the Hand and the girls are like, “This is really dumb.” Claire suggests dosing Gao with “truth serum” to make her talk. Colleen thinks it’s “better than torture” which is true but it’s also the plan a six-year-old would come up with. You think you can just tie up Madame Gao?

I’m also wondering where all the Hand’s ninjas are? In Daredevil season 2, Hell’s Kitchen was rotten with ninjas. And I joked about what shitty ninjas they were because you could always see them. (I go to Comic Con in Hell’s Kitchen every year, and I never see the ninjas.)

They can’t send a few of those guys to be Madame Gao’s bodyguards? Or maybe she doesn’t need bodyguards because she’s an immortal with superpowers? I think I figured it out.

I also have a new theory about why Gao wasn’t working with the Hand in Daredevil and now is in Iron Fist. (She was hiding out in Chinatown last we saw her, not working with the Hand to secure the Black Sky.) It’s because she found out this loser is the Iron Fist now. And we know she knew previous Iron Fists! She’s probably offended by his presence.

Madame Gao smirks at them, unimpressed.

Harold seems to have come back wrong. He’s wandering around the city, speaking in only short sentences. New Yorkers keep asking him what he thinks he’s doing, like they have never seen crazy homeless people before.

Joy finds Danny and tells him all the shit that went down while Danny was away. Danny is useless.

Madame Gao tries to mindfuck Claire, suggesting that she hangs around heroes because she wants to be one. Then she asks how Claire knows her mother is safe, which finally sets Claire off. Colleen has to intervene.

Danny breaks in somewhere (his super powers are breaking down doors!) to steal the truth serum bullshit. The doctor he consulted earlier sees him. She helps him because... I don’t know why.

Colleen and Gao. Gao offers to save her, if Colleen lets Gao go. Then Colleen starts to look sick and she calls for Claire.

Harold starts to remember who he is when he sees a Rand building. He uses Ward’s birthday as a security code gets inside. (They haven’t changed security codes in years?!) But he finds someone named “Frank Robbins” in Ward’s office. He calls his assistant, who mentions that they lost the company.

The assistant says he’d eat ice cream for breakfast if he could live forever. I kind of heart the assistant, whose name I forget.

A guy, who we will call Steel Serpent because I looked it up, randomly attacks a food truck guy. He had also run into Daddy Faramir earlier, but I thought he was just an extra because that’s how good the show is at establishing characters. Serpent has a magazine article about Danny and starts turning aluminum foil into throwing stars (???).

Ward goes to the art deco building looking for the assistant (whose name is Kyle, btw) and his father is there. When Ward tells him he thinks his father is a monster, Daddy Faramir starts to cry and hugs him.

Danny returns to the dojo and finds that Colleen is sick. Claire injects Gao with the “truth serum.” Gao says he knew Danny’s mother and that she was easy to manipulate. But Wendell wasn’t as easy. Gao then shrugs it off, she had been messing with them. Because she’s the best.

Colleen has been infected with the poison from China. She asks Danny to call someone she calls “sensei.”

Ward doesn’t want to hang out with Daddy Faramir anymore. He wants to have his own life. So Daddy Faramir is like, “Okay go, but I hope Joy is better.” He’s going to tell Joy if he doesn’t have Ward. But Ward worries the Hand will kill Joy.

The Hand attacks the dojo. Claire has some claws that she got in China, which she has not been trained to use. Guys enter the building wearing SWAT-like tactical gear. They do not look at all like Hand ninjas. Claire is the first to notice. This makes no sense. 

Gao says if Danny lets her go, she will let Colleen live. I’d totally take that deal because obviously interrogating Gao is a fool’s errand.

Ward talks to the elderly Chinese man who helped Danny fight the Hand before. I’m surprised he’s not dead if Madame Gao wanted him dead. He tells Ward of a legend that the people the Hand resurrect keep coming back worse, until they kill the ones they love.

Meanwhile, Harold has gotten a lot of fancy ice cream for ice-cream-for-breakfast Kyle. Kyle says just wants vanilla. So Harold kills him, like you do to anyone who turns down ice cream.

The police found drugs in Ward’s car and arrest him. He’s sent to the same mental hospital that Danny was in. The doctor says he has dual diagnosis. Hey that’s the wing I was in! Are Ward and I gonna be roomies?

Joy goes to the art deco building to see what’s up. Daddy Faramir watches her on the screen and leads her on a trail up to see him. She wants to know how he’s still alive. They hug.

Bakuto, who we barely remember from that one scene with Colleen several episodes ago, arrives. Colleen calls him “sensei.” It was already established in this episode that her grandfather taught her to be a warrior. I’m sort of annoyed that she has a sensei all of a sudden. For the first six episodes, Colleen was “sensei.” Now she’s got a man to tell her what to do?

Bakuto says he took care of the mercenaries outside. Gao acts like she wants him to leave so, of course, Danny opens the door. Bakuto tells Danny to heal her. He’s the Iron Fist and doesn’t know the Iron Fist has healing abilities? I know that just from playing Avengers Alliance on Facebook. (I mean, can anyone doubt my theory that Gao turned to the Hand because he is such a shitty Iron Fist now?)

He’s an Iron Fist who doesn’t know how to Iron Fist, people! He his mystical chi power to open doors.

In her chair, Gao calls him a sucker.

He heals her. Claire says “Sweet Christmas” again.

Danny passes out from the exertion. Then men show up and take Danny away. Colleen and Bakuto go with them, but they leave Claire behind.

Meanwhile, Steel Serpent watches.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode 7

Is Claire in this one? No. Life is full of pain.

Is Colleen in this one? ... Uh. She’s kind of out of character, but yeah she’s here.

Anyone else I care about? References to Karen Page.

So this is the first episode I’ve gotten to that wasn’t available for critics to screen. Does it get better? Does it get worse? Let’s find out!

It gets worse.

Daddy Faramir is in his weird glass box. The camera spins around making me nauseous. He sees a handprint on the glass and is pulled out by some goons. They say Gao met Danny and he’s the Iron Fist. Harold swears he doesn’t know what an Iron Fist is (”sounds like a sex toy!”). The goons threaten to cut off his hand.

Then Danny shows up all, “Hey what’s up, Harold?” So Harold stabs one guy and Danny fights the other. Until Harold slits his throat too.

That’s going to be difficult to explain to Madam Gao.

Anyway, Harold says Gao is the one who “saved” him. Danny wants to know about his father but Harold says Wendell never said he knew Gao and that Danny shouldn’t “play her game.”

Then Harold cuts off a finger? Does he think the goons are going to bring it to her? Even though they are dead? Like she won’t notice the guys are different?

Credits.

Joy yells at Ward for being a junkie. Their dad calls under his fake name. Joy thinks it’s his dealer when Ward won’t say who it is.

Colleen stitches up Danny. Shouldn’t Claire do that? I am wondering where she is when Danny gets a text from “Claire” saying the daughter is safe. Odd. Considering her father is missing. Or do we not care about that anymore?

I guess we don’t care about that anymore because Danny and Colleen start drinking and talking about K’un L’un. Talk of glowing fists must be Colleen’s kink because she tells Danny she wants him to stay and starts to kiss him.

They have the sex. I am disturbed more than I should be. I mean, I knew they were setting her up to be a romantic interest but wasn’t it just last episode that she was freaked out by the idea? And wanted Claire to stay on their “date?

Anyway I’m relieved (relieved!) when the show cuts to Ward. He walks in on Daddy disfiguring bodies. Hee!

Ward nearly loses his lunch. He must’ve watched the sex scene too! Daddy wants him to dump the bodies, something Ward is not psyched about. But he does it, looking wretched and talking to the dead bodies like they are speaking to him.

Ward. Just. Got. Interesting.

When Colleen wakes up with Danny. Awkward.

At Rand, Danny wants all his dad’s files to look up Gao. Joy wants him to apologize about the cancer patient thing. They are fighting about it when Gao shows up!

Gao! I love her. She basically tells him his office looks like shit. Then she tells him he’s a shitty Iron Fist. She’s like, “You left to be Danny Rand again and guess what, I run Rand? So buy a yacht or whatever.” He asks about his father and Gao is like LOL, no. Then leaves, showing Danny that she has a Rand key card.

Then Danny jumps down the elevator shaft after her? Not sure why he doesn’t just take another elevator? I guess Rand has a secret 13th floor? Would’ve been cool if this were foreshadowed or something?

Ward is planning his escape, looking up Central American locales. When Joy basically guilts him into staying, saying he’s her only family. She suggests rehab instead.

The drug rep ladies from an earlier episode are on the 13th floor and Gao orders them around regarding production.

Then Danny comes and beats up the drug rep lady? And makes her give him her password? Like a big hero?

Some guy I don’t recognize arrives at Colleen’s dojo. He acts like he knows her but I’m pretty sure we haven’t seen him before. She immediately tells him Danny is the Iron Fist? Which seems like something she’d understand to keep on the DL?

I am forced to rewind to see what this jerk’s name is. It’s Bakuto. Then I have to look it up. Apparently he’s a bad guy from the comics. He tells her “keep doing as you are and I’ll be in touch” like he’s her boss?

Megan, the poor lady who has the unfortunate job of being Danny, Ward and Joy’s secretary, has brought up Randall’s files. There is just a keycard with Wendell’s face on it.

Danny shows up at the board meeting. He refuses to say what Joy wrote and wants to shut down the cancer plant. He’s already gone to “Karen Page” at the Register with the news. Fuck you show for teasing us Karen and not having her appear.

Cut to Danny at Harold’s place. Which I still refuse to believe he gets to keep. Like Madam Gao wouldn’t figure out who killed her goons! Ugh! Harold says he didn’t know about the 13th floor.

You guys, if you knew about 12 and 14 you should’ve figured there would be a 13. Why was no one in charge of this company wondering, hey, what goes on on a whole floor of our building? This is not hard. Harold finds out which facility they are making the “synthetic heroin” at. Danny wants to go there because he’s remembered the Chemist exists and wants to save him. Harold thinks that’s a dumb idea.

Speaking of dumb ideas, it has been pointed out to me that a “synthetic heroin” is simply an opioid. And that lots of these already exist. This made me laugh and laugh. (Thanks HDTGM forums!)

Suddenly we are at some kind of ceremony where Darryl--one of Colleen’s students from earlier in the show--is leaving the dojo. He got that scholarship that I barely remember him talking about back in the cage fighting episodes. Colleen says some stuff about him being part of something bigger now and he’s not just a single arrow or whatever.

Danny overhears. Colleen and he are going to get the Chemist. But first they need more arrows. The writers think they are being clever here but it’s just annoying.

Ward is on his way to a detox or something when he gets a call that his card was declined.

Turns out what Danny meant by arrows is that they go to the Chinese restaurant and the old Chinese man who was in charge of the hatchet-wielding Triad who tried to attack Joy (again, this seems like years ago). Danny wants them to work together. The show wants us to think the old Chinese man agrees to this because Danny talks a lot about how the Hand fears him. But I think it’s mostly because Danny lets it slip that Madam Gao plans to kill them all by the end of the week.

One of the jerky guys from the board shows up in Joy’s office and tells her she, Ward and Danny have been ousted.

The Chinese gang attacks the Hand. Danny and Colleen find the Chemist who is glad to hear his daughter is okay. Then he promptly and conveniently dies after telling them that Gao has gone to the place Danny was going when his plane crashed.

Ward shows up at Daddy’s apartment all pissed. Daddy Harold knew about his private account all along. He thinks Ward is a bad thief. And Ward tells him he hasn’t been happy since his dad was “dead.”

... so Ward stabs his father. Like you do. Then he dumps his body the same place he dumped the earlier bodies.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode 6

Is Colleen in this one? Yes. About ten minutes in.

Is Claire in this one? Yes. About ten minutes in.

This is the final screener episode that was given for reviewers. I am hoping the show picks up after this. Also this episode was directed by RZA. That is kind of cool. Glad Marvel is supporting some black filmmakers.

While Danny meditates, a voiceover talks. There is a montage of people receiving a message that says “the time has come” in different languages. Two are cooks slaughtering some kind of animal. One is a female researcher doing work with spiders. One sings karaoke amid a pile of dead bodies. He’s my favorite.

Joy hired a crisis management team to deal with the cancer patient lawsuit. Ward seems off. Joy says she knows he’s on drugs. Blah blah blah. I don’t know how we can care about this “corporate crisis” stuff when there was a guy singing karaoke to people he murdered. Anyway, Ward is going with Danny on a field trip to check out warehouses and be back in time for a meeting.

Claire and Colleen! Claire wants to send the Chemist to the hospital. Colleen wants to wait for Danny.

Danny and Ward hit their fourth warehouse. They find the broken truck that Danny escaped from and the severed head of the guy Gao killed. Ward wants to call the police. Danny finds one of those invitations and this one is in English, giving an address on Cherry street.

It’s a tournament! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!

Danny gives the big reveal that he’s the Iron Fist. Claire doesn’t know what the hell that means. I love her.

Ward finds blood on his suit and has an “out damn spot!” moment. Then Joy and he meet with the crisis management guy.

Colleen doesn’t want Danny to go to the fight. He repeats the voice over from earlier “doubt leads to death.” After Danny leaves, the Chemist takes a turn for the worse.

Danny arrives at the place. Gao comes down looking fabulous. She agrees to Danny’s terms which are the return of the Chemist’s daughter and that the Hand leaves Rand.

Gao leads him to a warehouse-like space in the back. He finds the two chefs, who are not impressed by him. They want to know why he’s not at K’un L’un if he’s the Iron Fist which is still a question I would liked answered. They form a circle in blood and start fighting.

This is the best action we’ve had so far, I think. Danny beats the chefs, naturally. They yield, he doesn’t kill them. So Gao leads him into another room.

Meanwhile Claire and Colleen bring the Chemist to the hospital. Claire meets with some of her former coworkers.

The spider lady appears in the new room. She’s dressed in corset? For like no reason? She tries to seduce him, and puts a drugged needle in his neck. She says it’s spider venom.

Spider lady suggests that Danny was kicked out of K’un L’un, which would make sense sort of. It doesn’t seem like he has a reason for being there. But why would they expel the Iron Fist if he’s their protector? She suggests it’s because he can’t control his emotions, which we already know from the way he’s behaved with Joy and Ward when they didn’t believe him, is totally true. He can’t control himself. If this is true though, why wouldn’t we have this information from the beginning? If he were kicked out it would make more sense why he was desperate for Joy and Ward to be his family. He had worked so hard to “fit in” at K’un L’un but was still rejected.

I’m having all these thoughts while the spider lady crawls on the ground like she’s in a goddamn music video from the 80s. Anyway beside the poison and the mindfuck, this lady doesn’t seem to have any fighting skill and eventually Danny kicks her.

Ward starts to go through withdrawal from the drugs he’s been taking. He intentionally injures himself to get pain meds. Joy shows up just before the receptionist throws him out.

At the hospital, Claire realizes her patient never made it to the OR. He’s being taken. Claire says she’ll let Colleen handle this part, which she does. AWESOMELY. Claire runs to the ambulance saying, “Sweet Christmas” before bashing a guy with a fire extinguisher.

But it turns out the Hand was using this as a decoy. The Chemist is gone.

Danny climbs the stairs to the last battle. He sees his master in a vision. He’s been the voiceover guy all along.

Of course the karaoke guy is the final battle. They fight. Danny talks to himself. He punches the karaoke guy with the Iron Fist, and this time the man goes flying. Which is more like what I’d expect?

Gao intervenes. She holds a knife to a girl’s throat. We can assume this is the Chemist’s daughter. In order to save the girl’s life, Danny withdraws from the tournament.

Gao says she never thought she’d see another Iron Fist in her life time. We learn a bit about Gao, which is SUPER EXCITING TO ME. She’s been to K’un L’un. She knew Danny’s dad. She also has some kind of power, because she uses telekinesis to throw Danny across the room.

In Danny’s vision, his master turns his back on him. ... so I guess he was kicked out?

IDK. This show confounds me.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode 4

Is Colleen in this one? Yes! Appears 10 minutes in.

Is Claire in this one?

Is Jeri Hogarth in this one? Yes! 13 minutes in.

So this series is very slow so far. I hope it picks up because each review feels like a chore (and no one seems to be reading them. yay!) .

This episode opens with the fakest of fake shots of Danny catching himself on a security camera instead of falling to his death. It’s green-screened within an inch of its life and looks pretty low budget. I wonder if Iron Fist got less money? Maybe that would explain why it doesn’t seem as thought out?

Anyway...

He then falls a short way to a rooftop and knocks himself out. So far the immortal warrior is not impressive.

Danny wakes up in Daddy Faramir’s apartment with Ward. They fight and then Daddy Faramir shows up and Danny is shocked. He hugs Daddy Faramir, clearly remembering how he carried the One Ring without being tempted by it. So he must be a good guy. Right? RIGHT?

I suppose I should call him Harold. Harold explains how he had cancer and was sick. He says someone (Madam Gao!) approached him with a “cure” and it put them in his debt. He died and then was resurrected (like the Hand in Daredevil). Danny is shocked to hear the Hand is there in New York.

... which. Like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN NEW YORK THEN? Are you just taking a semester off from protecting K’un L’un? I thought you came because of the threat to New York?

Danny says he’d never SEEN the Hand in K’un L’un. Okay now we’re getting somewhere. You were an immortal warrior with nothing to fight. He’s a figure head Iron Fist!

Harold really wants Danny to destroy the Hand so he can finally leave the apartment. It’s confirmed that Joy doesn’t know he’s alive. So he wants Ward and Joy to drop all litigation against Danny, so Danny can focus on fighting the Hand. Ward is annoyed.

Harold says the Hand was the one who wanted that pier deal (the one Joy got the dead boy’s liver for) so badly.

I only really care about this if it relates to Elektra.

Cut to my other bi-racial love, Colleen Wing. Her students have found out about the cage match and have it on video. Cool! Let’s watch it again! Colleen is ashamed. She’s stepped outside the code.

Rand has a press conference welcoming Danny Rand back from the dead. Jeri makes faces from the audience. They ask him about his stay in the mental hospital and... instead of acting ashamed that he was there or railing at Joy and Ward for putting him there. He thanks Joy and Ward for getting him the help he needed to adjust. I liked that moment, even though Danny wasn’t really crazy. He makes in seem like it would be normal to have trouble adjusting and that there is no shame in seeking mental help.

Jeri shows him “his” office, which is really his dad’s old office set up like it used to be. He crawls under the desk to see stickers he sticked there and Jeri makes faces that are amazing. Since I still have goodwill toward Danny, I find this scene charming.

Danny joins a meeting late. He moves his chair to sit by Joy. He demands they sell a drug at cost instead of marked up. As majority shareholder apparently he can do this? Seems very convenient. Everyone else on the board(?) isn’t happy.

Colleen practices fighting for the cage fights. She breaks her wooden punching thing. (Emily knows a lot about martial arts!)

Harold calls Ward. They talk about the reporter who asked about Danny’s psych hospital visit. Cut to Danny and Joy talking. Danny says Harold would be proud of her.

Back to Colleen! She’s got a cool white hoodie now and is ready for another cage match. Thank god for Colleen or else this “martial arts” show would be a show about drug pricing by large corporations. This time she fights two beefy dudes at once. It’s cool. Watch it. Or watch some gifs of it.

Cut to boring Danny and Joy talking business stuff. He makes becoming the Iron Fist sound like he got a big corporate job. He talks about his training. He says it all made him who he is today. Joy asks who that is which is a GOOD QUESTION.

Joy goes to get the door and screams. A whole punch of Asian dudes have grabbed her. In the hallway, Danny fights them. Somewhere Matt Murdock is yelling, “Hallway fights are my thing, new guy!” They have hatchets and all Danny has is his fists.

The men are trying to kidnap joy. They get her into the elevator. Danny does the first cool use of the Iron Fist, when he makes his hand glow and when a dude hits it with the hatchet, it ricochets off.

Danny beats all the guys and lets them run away. He tells Joy he knows where the are going.

Ward gives an interview to the newspaper lady where he complains about Danny making them give the drug away at cost. At least some good press about it might help Rand?

Colleen recovers from the match. Her finger looks broken. She hears someone outside. It’s Danny. He asks Colleen to watch Joy. She identifies the hatchet-wielding criminals as “Triads.” But seems to think it’s dumb to go fight them.

So white boy Danny Rand goes to a Chinese restaurant and asks the hostess about the Triads. An older man comes out and introduces himself. He asks why the company stole the pier. Danny is confused. He says another group made them buy the pier. When Danny mentions the Hand. The old Chinese guy is like, “Oh shit, sorry for your troubles, white boy. We out!”

Danny tries to ask them more about the Hand and why they are in New York, but elderly Asian dude didn’t get to be elderly by being a dumb ass.

While Harold is boxing, the Hand shows up and makes him put on a mask.

It is Madam Gao! She says they’re going for a ride. I’m excited. I didn’t think she was with the Hand? I thought Nobu was the rep from the Hand and she had her own organization. But I kind of don’t care if this doesn’t follow continuity because I love this actress. She was the only person who could menace Kingpin, yet she had a kind look about her. Her showing up in one episode of Daredevil last season to help him out was a highlight for me.

Colleen teaches Joy how to punch stuff. Danny shows up and RUINS the girl talk time. He offers to pop Colleen’s busted finger back into place. He says she doesn’t have to fight. He will give her rent money. Collen’s like nope.

Harold is being held by Madam Gao. As a “reward” for buying the pier, they allow him to see Joy in her house at night, like a creeper. He asks for a favor.

At the Chinese restaurant, the Triad guys eat when the Hand shows up. They ask who hit Joy Meachum. One bravely says it was him. They kill him quick. When the killer takes off his ninja mask, it’s revealed to be Harold.

The next morning, someone knocks on Danny’s door. When he opens it, no one is there is a box with a message from Madam Gao.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode Three

Is Claire in this one? No.

Is Colleen in this  one? Yes! From the beginning.

Is anyone else I care about in this one? Yes. Carrie-Ann Moss reprises her role as Jeri Hogarth from Jessica Jones.

But I’ll say about this one, maybe start here? I mean, especially if you only care about the other shows, this is the first one with crossover appeal. And also, the previous episode just served to establish that Danny Rand is, in fact, Danny Rand and, yes, he’s also the Iron Fist which you would’ve guessed from the title.

This one opens with Colleen, which is how it should be in my opinion...

Ward Meachum has sent goons to get her at her dojo. She beats the crap out of them and it’s my favorite fight scene thus far because it’s not in slow motion and it features a pretty girl in her pajamas beating up heavily armed men. I can be shallow, okay?

They are looking for Danny who escaped his mental institution. It turns out he’s hiding in the dojo because he’s a jerk. Colleen worries about cops showing up and putting her dojo on the line. She tells him “don’t be here in the morning.”

Weird scene with Ward and Daddy Faramir. He’s in like a glass case(??) and Ward wakes him up. Daddy is annoyed Ward tried to have Danny killed instead of following his instructions and hits him. He assures Ward he’s doing this because he loves him and stuff.

Back to Colleen! She’s trying to meditate when loud rap music plays. It’s Danny doing his tai chi. He is not gone, like she told him to be. What a jerk.

They start martial arts fighting and he’s telling her she’s using too much energy and basically schools her in front of one of her students, which is so rude. For some reason he’s surprised when she continues to tell him to GTFO. He’s like “I’m rich and will pay your rent!” and Collen rightfully points out he can’t afford a haircut, nevermind that I don’t think Colleen wants him to pay her rent.

Stuff like this is the heart of the trouble with the show. Is Danny acting like this because he doesn’t KNOW he’s being an ass? Or does he know and doesn’t care? If we give him the benefit of the doubt and say he doesn’t understand people, why wouldn’t he just take her request to leave at face value? And respect her wishes?

Colleen agrees to let him stay until Friday, which kind of upsets me because Colleen doesn’t seem like a doormat kind of girl. None of it makes sense.

Joy and Ward talk about Danny being back. (At Daddy’s request) He asks her to work on a pier deal for him.

Danny shows up creepily at Joy’s house, doing meditation and bullshit. At least he has now showered and shaved at Colleen’s insistence. Joy asks why he’s back which is a GOOD FUCKING QUESTION. But Danny vagues it up and says he can’t say. Joy talks about when her dad (didn’t) die.

We are meant to assume only Ward knows Harold/Daddy Faramir is alive. Danny tells her about seeing him in a “dream” when he was at the hospital. He says he thought Harold was a hungry ghost. Joy doesn’t like that. Unclear if she doesn’t like the idea that her family has neglected her dead father or because he’s a white guy giving simplistic explanations about Chinese traditions. I like to think both.

Joy gives him her and Ward’s offer which is a bunch of shares in the company if he agrees to change his name from Rand. Danny gets mad. Joy is like “but this is millions of dollars!” He walks off in a huff. I think we’re meant to assume it’s the name change that is upsetting to him, but it’s not really clear. I would think Danny wouldn’t want any money at all? (Shouldn’t he be getting back to K’un K’un?)

Maybe Danny’s motivations will make more sense later on but now he seems capricious. I don’t understand why he wants to be part of the corporation, why he would care about the money if he’s a Buddhist monk (even just to say he’d give it to Colleen was odd because it shows he believes he will get money or feels entitled to it). It makes me confused and slightly off-put by the main character. Not a great look.

Thankfully we cut back to Colleen, who I do care about. She talks to one of her students about a cut he has on his face. He’s been doing underground fighting to pay his bills. Colleen says he dishonors himself.

Danny goes to his family’s graves. They all have brand new flowers on them. This makes me wonder who is delivering flowers. Danny must wonder to because he asks the gardener who tells him to check with the office.

Then cut to JERI! It’s Jeri you guys. When Danny approaches him, she nearly maces him in the face which is kind of what I want at this point. She asks him some questions to verify his identity and then explains she has handled the estate since the crash. She tells him he is worth “billions” not millions of dollars. She agrees to work for free--a reference to the end of Jessica Jones--provided that if they win her firm will be on retainer with Rand.

Jeri gives him money for clothes because she says “this homeless, hipster thing isn’t working for” him. It’s my fave line of the series so far.

Joy and Ward do some fancy business stuff. I tune out.

Daddy Faramir boxes with a sparring partner, the third person who knows he’s alive. The lights turn off and an unknown lady says she is disappointed with him for leaving. She makes him kneel. It sounds like Madam Gao from Daredevil and I am excited.

Danny goes to the dojo to find the student Colleen was talking to earlier leading a class. Danny gets mad that he’s allowing some clowning in the class. The kids are rightly like, “who the fuck is this guy?” And make farting noises while Danny shows them how to do a move. This is my second favorite line.

Danny slaps the kid with a stick and Colleen intervenes like “you can’t hit the kids!” Her kids, she says, get beaten on a regular basis and the dojo is supposed to be a safe place. I am so mad at Danny right now. She tells him to leave for good and he bows to her in what I feel is a very condescending manner, but the show seems to think he’s contrite. 

Joy takes the fancy client to Metro-General to show the guy a dying boy, who will donate his liver to the client’s nephew. Joy is creepy in this scene and I bet she is secretly evil even though dumb Danny thinks she’s the nice one.

Danny is now at a fancy apartment Jeri arranged for him. But he is restless and can’t sleep. He lays on the floor like a dumbass.

Flashback to K’un L’un. The monks beat young Danny with sticks. There is blood in the snow. The producers love this shot, they think it is really deep.

Ward tells Joy he wants to walk away from Rand. Joy wouldn’t leave.

Jeri gets coffee for Danny, which doesn’t seem like something she’d do. She is having trouble proving Danny is Danny and needs some records. Danny just walks into a record room at the hospital? He’s looking for an X-Ray from a hospital visit when he was a kid. The guy in the office punches him? He’s the security guard from Rand, I think.

Danny does the Iron Fist and punches the guy. It’s not super impressive? Because the guy gets up and attacks him again. You’d think if you Iron Fist a civilian they would stay down for more than a second? At least the fight scene looks faster. Dude sets the place on fire. Danny rescues someone who works there, which is the only heroic thing I think he’s done?

Danny goes to yell at Ward and Joy while they are having lunch. The boys fight. Probably evil Joy takes over the Danny situation from Ward.

Cage fight! Colleen is there. We’re supposed to think she’s looking for her student, but we know from the teasers that she is going to fight so I’m psyched. Colleen gets in the ring as “The Daughter of the Dragon.” A big beefy guy is her opponent. She starts beating him, and then he gets some shots in, but of course Colleen won’t lose. He bites her leg, which the announcer had said was not cool. She gets on top of him and starts punching like a mad woman.

It’s all pretty sweet, I’m not gonna lie. I wish there were more fighting in this show. I know the cage fighting thing is over-done in superhero adaptations (Spider-Man, X-Men, etc) but it’s still fun.

I said it before and I’ll say it again, it would’ve been cool to see Danny become the Iron Fist.

Jeri and Danny meet with Joy, Ward and their team. Joy has lowered her offer and put out a restraining order. I’m still not sure why we should care about any of this.

Blah blah blah. Danny follows Ward to Daddy Faramir’s art deco building. Somehow he’s able to go unnoticed in a COMPLETELY empty building and finds a way into an elevator shaft and shimmy up the side of the building.

Until he is pushed off the building. Yawn.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode One

Is Colleen in this one?: Yes, appears 21 minutes in.

Is Claire in this one?: No

It opens with his fucking bare feet on the sidewalk as he returns home. I thought I told this guy I didn’t want to see his fucking gross bare feet anymore. (This makes me wonder what Jason Mantzoukas feels about this series. He’s mentioned IRON FIST on HDTGM. I wonder if they would do a HDTGM of a TV show? Asking for a friend.)

I’ve already tuned out. Sorry. So Danny walks around midtown while Outkast’s “So Fresh, So Clean” plays. I miss how the music in Luke Cage meant something already. And how the show had a tone and shit.

Danny goes to Rand Corp and asks for Harold. I feel like I’ve seen this clip online.

He finds a screen and watches a video about the Rand Corporation, which Danny says is “new.” It shows us Wendall and Harold smiling and shit. Then security throws Danny out.

No shirt, no shoes, no service, dude.

So Danny beats up the security guys who are just doing their job, really. I wish they had said something or been rude in some way. I just feel bad for them. The show makes the odd choice to put the fight--our first look at the Iron Fist in action!--in slow motion. Unless your action is incredibly fast, which this isn’t, I don’t think slowing stuff down makes it cooler. The choreography is fine but I think they are actually doing it a disservice, making it look quite rehearsed.

He steals a woman’s keycard and blows past a secretary to go into Harold’s office. But ward is in there. Joy just happens to walk in. Danny is like, “it’s me!” But they don’t recognize him.

Ward gets angry because he thinks this homeless weirdo is pretending to be his dead friend and asking to see his dead father. Joy is freaked out. She says he sort of looked like Danny. Ward assures her it was not Danny.

Security comes again, and Danny holds his head like he has a headache. What he’s having is flashbacks to the plane crash and the death of his family.

All of this seems too much too fast. Ward and Joy play the above scene like it is super serious, while Finn Jones clearly thinks it’s a comedy. But there isn’t any comedy beats to it. I actually think that was probably a good choice and it would’ve played better if Ward and Joy were like, “Whoa, weirdo.” Maybe if that had happened before? They got fake Danny Rands all the time?

But Marvel probably didn’t want to establish a joke-y tone since they think the Netflix shows should be super gritty, or whatever. But you have to admit it is hard to take Danny seriously here, in his dumb dirty hippie clothes and no shoes.

The flashback then swings us again into the super dramatic! (The tones are fighting each other and it’s not even the first ten minutes.) But then switches to the elevator and the guards telling Danny they don’t give a shit about him. Danny replies that guard reminds him of “Billy” whom he guesses retired.

Awkward opening scene is awkward. Clearly the filmmakers are finding their way as they go, which OF COURSE contributed to the early negative reviews of the opening episodes. . Very different from Luke Cage and Jessica Jones whose creators had a clear point of view from the jump.

Danny then heads to a brownstone near Gramercy Park. “Danny, Mom and Dad” was drawn into the concrete in front of the building. You know whoever bought that after the Rands would’ve had it removed. Weirdly, he finds the key in its usual hiding place but the key no longer works. Did nobody notice the key in this completely obvious hiding spot when it was sold?

Danny leaps up onto a balcony with an improbably open window and just lets himself in. Poignant music plays. He looks at books along the wall and has AN EXPRESSION. But in this moment I am not sure if the room is as it was when he left (which seems improbable) or has been redecorated. I’m confused. We finally see a photograph of Joy and Ward... which means... they moved into their dead friends’ place after he died?

WEIRD.

A dog barks and Danny approaches it warily. He does something kind of meditative and the dog becomes friendly. It would’ve been cooler if the dog were old and recognized him. But at least Danny and Luke are on the same page regarding “we don’t hurt dogs.”

Danny goes back into the library-type room and finds more pictures of their families when they were younger, Joy’s degree from Columbia, Then he goes upstairs to the roof garden where he is flashbacks to them playing as kids.

Again, I say it is WEIRD that the Meachums kept the Rand’s house after they died.

Young Danny, Ward and Joy play Monopoly on the roof. We get some heavy-handed clues that Ward is kind of a douche who follows in his father’s footsteps. The Rands arrive home and little Danny calls, “We’re up here!” Ward gets mad and stomps on Danny’s foot saying some stuff about how his mommy and daddy give him hugs and kisses. He knocks the pieces off the game board dramatically.

Danny goes downstairs and sees Joy coming home from work. So she lives here? In her dead friend’s old family home? WEIRD. It’s still weird. You can’t convince me otherwise. And if later on we get some monologue from her about how she always wanted to be part of the Rand family and not her own, then I think it’s even fucking weirder.

Like a creeper, Danny watchers her for awhile then leaves. He could’ve at least “borrowed” some shoes while he was there.

Suddenly it is nighttime, and Danny is just chillin’ in Gramercy Park. He takes some stuff out of his backpack, an old walkman-type device, a leather-bound book, something else I can’t make out. He pops in the earbuds and listens to music and reads.

Another missed comedy opportunity. If he were listening to some random pop song from the 2000s, like Britney Spears. Oh I would’ve loved that.

Anyway, another homeless(?) man approaches Danny and introduces himself as Big Al. Big Al has an iPhone and says “you can find anyone you want on the internet!” Danny asks him to look up Danny Rand. The poor actor who plays Big Al has to explain that this kid died in a plane crash. Then he asks him to look up Harold Meachum. Also dead, we’re told.

Big Al says you can get shoes at a specific shelter. THANK YOU, BIG AL, YOU ARE THE HERO OF THIS SHOW.

Danny kind of laughs at him and is like, “I guess people think we’re pretty much alike.” Fuck you, dude. Don’t laugh at Big Al. He’s the hero of the show!

Probably offended, Big Al gets up and leaves.

The next morning, Danny creepily accosts Joy outside her building. He tries to tell her dumb random facts to make her believe him and she’s like “you could’ve looked that up on the internet.�� Annoyed, Danny says she lives in his house which clearly even he thinks is WEIRD. She says it is her house now. Danny dumbly says, “Yeah your dog is kinda scary,” giving away that he went through her stuff last night. She starts to get annoyed.

Danny wanders into the street, like a dummy, and is nearly hit by a taxi which he jumps over in weird special effects. Joy is like, “whut.” Danny walks away.

He does tai chi or something in Gramercy Park, communing with an eagle (bird of prey of some type?) flying over the city. When someone puts money in his cup.

IT’S COLLEEN WING. OMG. I’m so excited. It’s her! And she’s nice to crazy homeless guys! She’s putting up fliers for her self defense classes.

Danny tries to give the money back to her, but she won’t take it.

He says her name, “Colleen Wing.” Then starts speaking to her in Mandarin. She replies in Mandarin, and he starts speaking again. Then she cuts him off and says she speaks Japanese or English. That she hasn’t spoken Mandarin since she was a kid.

I’ve seen this scene criticized online, that he would just start speaking Mandarin to her. And I agree that is weird to assume she knows the language. “Wing” is also a Chinese name, so perhaps him stating “Colleen Wing” indicates he recognizes her ancestry. It doesn’t excuse the idea that she MUST know Mandarin. But it’s pointing out an inconsistency in the Marvel universe, that Colleen is trained as a Japanese samurai and ninja, yet she has a Chinese name. (Jessica Henwick, the actress who plays her is half Singaporean-Chinese and half white.) Am I giving them too much credit here to think that was the purpose of the scene? Probably.

Danny asks her for a job.

Colleen is like, “Um, you’re a homeless man I met in a park who just kind of insulted me?” She says, “I already got someone to clean up.” ZING!

I love her. Have I mentioned I love her?

She leaves and I feel sad and bereft. The show cuts to Joy at the Rand building. She’s telling Ward about her encounter with Danny that morning. Ward decides he’s an insane, homeless acrobat. Joy wonders if maybe they should talk to him and see if it’s really Danny. Ward is like “Nope.” This is a crazy person who is playing on your emotions, making you want to believe your friend is back. That is dangerous. While we’re clearly meant to see Ward as the bad guy, especially considering his youthful Monopoly tantrum, I think he’s right here. It could be a con man, who is trying to get money out of them.

Ward lays out a theory that this is corporate sabotage. They are just about to announce their expansion into China, and someone shows up claiming to own half the company. I don’t know if I believe that. But there could definitely be a con artist trying to cash in on a missing dead, rich kid. Just look at how many fake Anatasias there were, and that was before the internet.

Danny then accosts Ward in the parking lot, getting in his car. Ward tells him to stop but jumps in the passenger seat. Danny’s like, ”Sorry! I haven’t driven since my dad put me on his lap and let me drive around.” Again, this is Jones playing Danny as a kind of wide-eyed goof ball. He seems to think driving is so cool.

Ward pulls a gun out of the glove compartment and tells Danny to pull over. I’m wondering where he thinks Danny can pull over in a parking garage.

Then a kind of rage comes over Danny. He’s like “I have been met with nothing but anger and hostility since I got home!” Then he grabs the gun and points it at Ward, kind of gleefully saying, “How’s it feel? Not so good, right?” Danny is very creepy and not-likeable in this moment. And it’s strange that he was so calm only seconds before. I don’t remember Iron Fist having Wolverine-like berserker rages.

Ward, pretty heroically defiant here, says, “You will never get a penny from us.” Even though Danny is clearly crazy. Danny says he doesn’t want money he wants answers about his family.

The actor who plays Ward (I should look this up), then tells the backstory of the Rand family, how they died in a plane crash over the Himalayas. How the bodies were never found. Danny wants more but Ward says that’s it.

Danny accuses Ward of being a dick as a kid, putting him in freezers and putting a dead frog in his food, stuff like that. This clearly resonates with Ward who, nonetheless says, “None of that is true.” And demands DNA or fingerprints to prove this is Danny. Danny says he doesn’t have any of that, which is really his own fault. Couldn’t he get dental records or something? Think, man!

Danny, fully unhinged, starts driving super fast up the parking lot to the roof, saying this is what it was like to watch his mother die and know he and his father were next. (How is this situation similar at all?) He nearly drives them off the roof, while having flashbacks, only to swerve at the last minute.

Cut to Danny alone in the park listening to his Britney Spears. Big Al brings him a sandwich saying he thought Danny might be hungry. Seriously, hero! They have a chat about society and hunters and gatherers and the Buddha. Danny states definitely that his purpose in life is to protect K’un L’un which begs the question ... why are you HERE?

Happily we then cut to Colleen’s dojo. Yay HEART COLLEEN. Danny shows up at the end of a class to talk to her. She asks if he’s here for a lesson and he offers up the money she gave him. She says that will only get him a cup of coffee down the street and Danny says he never had coffee before.

In Luke Cage world, I think that means he’s a virgin. Right. RIGHT?!?

Colleen suggests he could also get a pair of flip flops because CLEARLY HE NEEDS SHOES. Yes, good thinking, Colleen. Danny is like, “Nah I’m good.”

Bro, you are not good. Your feet are gross. At least wash ‘em.

Danny says he wants to challenges Colleen’s master. Which, dude, lemme stop you there. Colleen is her own master. I am more offended by this than the Mandarin, tbh. She’s like, I’m the master and I don’t accept your challenge, GTFO.

He asks if she teaches kung fu and she’s like, nope. He again offers to teach for her. And she’s annoyed. Rightly, he’s annoying.

Before he leaves, because she is way nicer than I am and a HERO she gives him shoes (kind of martial arts shoes, with a toe?). Finally! Yes, Colleen. Thank you. I don’t want to see those dirty ass feet anymore.

As he’s putting the shoes on outside, some guy attacks him randomly. It’s the security guard from Rand that reminded him of Bill. There’s two other guys with him. Danny fights them and Colleen watches out of her window.

Because she’s a fucking hero, she descends the fire escape of her building with her sword to help him out. Danny knocks out one and throws away his gun while Colleen watches, like a badass.

Then there is a random street fair. I call bullshit on this. It looks kind of like Chinese New Year, they have the dragon on sticks. But Lunar New Year is in the Winter and earlier when Danny was in the Park, there were flowers on the trees. It’s also not nearly big enough to be NYC’s Lunar New Year celebration. Nor of there any Year of Animal? People just have glow sticks? So it’s like a vaguely Chinese rave in the streets?

Danny buys a mask (with Colleen’s money) off a street vendor. I don’t know why he would think this would make him less conspicuous? All I can tell is it would make the fight scenes easier because the stunt double doesn’t have to hide his face.

There are bubbles and birds in cages. WTF celebration is this supposed to be? I’m a white girl who has only been to two Chinese New Year parades. It wouldn’t honestly make me feel better if someone could tell me this was a real thing.

Masked!Danny, disarms another bad guy. Then another. This time he demands to know who sent him. The security guard says it was Ward, which I thought was pretty obvious. Danny is not that bright.

Colleen watches. When Danny turns to where she was standing second ago, she is not there. Colleen is mysterious and cool.

Ward is eating when he gets a call. He calls someone else and sets up a meeting about the “situation.” He then goes to a cool art deco building (where is this?) in a Hyundai (whhaaaat?). They draw this out big time. But he’s meeting with... his dead dad! (Played by David Wenham, of being Faramir in Lord of the Rings fame.)

Faramir and Ward have a weird discussion about loyalty before getting to the matter at hand. Ward insists the Danny is a lunatic. Faramir wonders if it is Danny does that mean his parents are also still alive. Good question! Faramir has other questions too and says that’s why you can’t just send someone to beat him up. Faramir says he’s going to take care of this one and tell him exactly what to do.

Then we cut to the park, where Danny finds Big Al with a needle in his arm (!!) dead. I’m annoyed about this. We had no reason to believe Big Al was an addict. You gotta foreshadow that shit. Just because he’s homeless doesn’t mean he MUST be on drugs.

Danny prays over Big Al’s corpse and notices a bird tattoo on his arm. Ominous music plays.

Cut to Rand building in daytime, Danny just waltzes into Joy’s office. The security guards who recognized him must all be out sick that day? He tells Joy her brother tried to have him killed.

They have a boring conversation. Danny tells the story of the plane crash, getting his headache face again. Oh no, it’s not headache face. That’s Finn Jones’ acting face, I guess. Joy has put something in his tea. He passes out on the floor, flashing back to K’un L’un before waking up in a mental hospital.

Danny remembers the plane crash and waking up in the snow with Outkast’s “So Fresh, So Clean” playing. Oh see I didn’t even realize that song was from 2001. If it were Britney Spears I would’ve gotten it!

End episode. This post was long. I need to do shorter ones in the future or this will take weeks.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist...

I kinda don’t want to recap this anymore. It’s not really fun bad.And now I’m angry at the character in general thanks to creator nonsense.

Maybe I’ll try again this weekend.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode Two

Is Colleen in this one?: Yes, appears 11 minutes and 30 seconds in. Is Claire in this one?: No

The crazy episode. It was so much fun when Buffy did it in season six, Iron Fist decided to do it in its SECOND episode.

By that I mean, it made me really mad when Buffy did it so I’m primed to be annoyed.

So you guys know how I love the portrayal of mental hospitals in Legion? Guess what I love about this episode of Iron Fist? LOVE.

Danny wakes up on a bed with a “doctor” talking about how crazy everyone there is and how he should kill himself. I am mentally preparing a rant about how a doctor could NEVER give that information away when it’s revealed this guy isn’t a doctor at all but a patient who has somehow gotten inside Danny’s locked room and tried to kill him with a fork.

The doctors and nurses act like this is totally normal and not a massive security breach. And one forces some pills down Danny’s throat.

Ward and Joy talk about boring stuff. Joy thinks it might be Danny. Ward assures her this is the right thing to do.

Danny sees himself on a mountain, watching a bird fly. And on the plane, with his parents dying.

He wakes up with a presumably real doctor by his bedside, who agrees to unstrap him a little, in exchange for Danny telling his story. He talks about how he woke up cold and had to go look through the wreckage and found his father’s dead body. How he tried to survive and then the monks showed up.

Finn Jones gives a pretty good performance here.

The doctor shows him a passport with his photo that says he’s “John Anderson” of Toronto Canada. Danny insists he’s never seen that before. The doctor asks him to start being honest.

Cut to Colleen, love of my life. Someone is following her. Then two guys jump her at once. And two more pop out. She doesn’t murder them. They are obviously her students. She’s not happy with their performance.

Two guys come to Danny’s door. They say the crazy guy who tried to stab him earlier is his “tour guide” around the hospital. This is completely implausible, that this patient wouldn’t be kept away from him now. Fork guy tells him the dirt on the other guys on the unit. There is some shoulder bumping from the other guys. I have a hard time believing that is allowed either.

Danny is getting a new room. He swears he will be out in 72 hours, which is what the earlier doctor said they were holding him for. I mean, unless you’re committed as a danger to yourself and others, yeah. They can only keep you for observation for so long.

Fork guy is like “Lol you’re not getting out. They just make up diagnoses and never let us out.” I keep looking at their clothing thinking, “Is that guy wearing a belt? You can’t have a belt on the psych ward.” I’m relieved to see they have removed the strings from Finn Jones’s hoodie which was the first thing they searched when I was admitted.

Another patient starts a fight and orderlies immediately corral Danny. Why are all the patients white and the orderlies are black? I mean, in my psych hospital most of the patients were white because it was people with insurance. But if these are people who were committed and became wards of the state in New York City shouldn’t there be some people of color?

They shove more pills down his throat. Don’t give him water.

Fork guy seems oddly concerned for someone who tried to stab Danny with a fork a few minutes ago. He starts untying Danny’s restraints to help him get to a phone. Again, I don’t think another patient could make that decision.

Meanwhile, Colleen is opening the dojo. She gets a call from Danny. He asks er for help. She’s skeptical as you would be since they’re not friends. But she did see him get attached, which he mentions, and she wants to know why anyone would attack him. He says ask the Meachums. She’s all, “those crazy rich people?”

Cut to not dead Daddy Faramir Meachum’s place. He is boxing when Ward shows up. He has a feed into the psychiatric physicality. He looked up the  monks Danny mentioned and said there aren’t monks near where the plane was thought to have crashed at that order he mentioned doesn’t seem to exist.

Though he admits that Danny said enough that makes him think it really is Danny Rand. He is going to watch some more before they decide what to do. He tells Ward to go talk to Colleen because she is the only one Danny called.

Danny meditates. I can’t help being distracted by his beard. I think it looks weird and fake. He keeps seeing the bird in the sky and then his parents in the plane. The doctor knocks on his door and Danny admits that he has seen that passport before. He bought it in Morocco. It was how he got back into the United States.

Are we to believe he got to New York on a plane? With NO SHOES? What’d he do at TSA when they asked him to take his shoes off? Where’d he get money? How’d he get to midtown? Did no one say, “Hey, dude. You’ve got no fucking shoes?” I have questions.

Colleen is ending a class when Ward shows up. He introduces himself as Ward Meachum, which is odd because Danny just mentioned them to her. Ward tries to bribe her with a community improvement grant for her dojo.

Some blah blah about a Rand commercial from when Danny was little. He stupidly attacks the doctor. Harold Meachum is annoyed that the doctor is asking all the wrong questions. He’s rude to his assistant, Kyle. And threatens him with the belt. Harold decides it’s time to leave the penthouse.

The doctor calls Joy about some of the details Danny mentioned. She confirms they are true but he refuses to say why he asked.

Danny gets meds and sees Harold. Harold asks him questions. One specifically about where the monastery is. Danny talks about K’un L’un, being the Iron Fist and destroying the Hand.

When he returns to the apartment, someone has written “Where did you go?” and signed it with a hand print. Ominous music.

Joy looks at old photos. Randomly decides to have M&Ms sent to someone.

Ward tries to bribe Colleen again.

Danny does more tai chi, imagines himself on the mountain. Plane. Falls. He then gets a package from Joy, containing the M&Ms. Danny organizes them all, taking out the brown ones.

Colleen shoes up at Danny’s hospital. She’s got a jacket with a tiger on it. I kind of want it. She asks him why Ward is trying to bribe her. He asks her to deliver something to Joy. It’s all the M&Ms except the brown ones.

Joy starts to cry, realizing it is Danny.

Ward sees Colleen and wonders what is going on. Joy is happy. Only Danny would know they didn’t eat the brown M&Ms! Ward is not convinced. She wants to go get Danny out but Ward says no. She tells him he should be more like their dad which goes over poorly.

The doctor quizzes Danny on Danny Rand stuff. He believes Danny is Danny. Then Danny tells him K’un L’un exists in another dimension and about summoning the Iron Fist. Now the doctor thinks he is Danny Rand but he’s still crazy.

He asks Danny to show him the Iron Fist and Danny can’t. He says it’s because of the drugs.

Daddy and Ward talk about Danny. Daddy wants to keep Danny because he’s the “sworn enemy of the Hand” and Daddy says that could be useful. So someone has seen all those ninjas roaming around Hell’s Kitchen!

But Ward wants him killed. He calls someone. They put Danny in a straight-jacket and some guys beat on him. Danny can’t focus his chi. Then one of the guys mentions Ward and his hand starts to glow, releasing him from the straight-jacket. He beats up the dudes and sees the bird flying over the moon. The bird must be fucking huge from the shadow it makes.

Then Danny runs towards the door, with his fist glowing. Again the filmmakers decide to do this in slow-motion. Danny punches the door and it flies off its hinges.

Again, I don’t think that slow mo is great for action. Though for this it could’ve worked I just wish he had been doing something more spectacular than punch a door. Both Jessica Jones and Luke Cage could’ve done that.

Daddy Meachum watches this and is all, “oooooh” as Danny runs off into the night. 

Verdict: This one was less slow than the previous. I still don’t know what drives Danny. Why is he in NYC? Why do we care? Etc. Colleen still feels like the hero.

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist , Season 2, Episode 1

Did you guys know the second season of IRON FIST was out already? Like I follow Marvel on Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram and I had no idea. Obviously, I hated the first season and wasn’t really counting down the days or anything. I thought it was coming later this year. I was going to say Fall but I guess it is Fall.

Anyway, the only reason I care is because Misty Knight is in this season. She was listed as main cast on the Wikipedia page. But I am watching episode 1 now and she was NOT in the opening credits.

That makes me kind of want to skip this one, honestly. So I will be brief in my recap. SPOILERS.

— Danny in a hoodie (stealing Luke’s look) fights some gang members in a truck. I feel like this opening sequence was designed to be like, “look how much cooler the fighting is! He uses the IF powers to stop a truck.” But it’s dark and I kind of can’t see much and I also kind of don’t care so I play some levels on Candy Crush.

— Apartment. Danny brings home food to Colleen. She should have been in the fight. She sees the footage on the news and he admits he killed three security guards. WTF KIND OF HERO KILLS PEOPLE?? Colleen admits this is why she doesn’t go with him anymore. She also blames herself for Misty losing an arm which I don’t even understand. It seems like the show just wants to make her less cool.

— They get romantic and it grossed me out.

— Davos does something at a dock. He attack some henchmen and threatens some guy.

— Danny and an Asian friend I don’t remember move his stuff into Colleen’s apartment. He talks about the difficulties of sharing space with another person. Which I would think would be the least of his concern? Did they allow him a lot of privacy at the dragon punching place where they beat him with sticks? He joked about what happened when he put Colleen’s dress in the dryer. Why does he even know how to use a dryer? How long has he been back in New York?

— Colleen helps immigrants fill out their forms and pay application fees. Because she is great and he is trash? That is pretty much canon now. In the donation bin, Colleen finds an old  laquered box with a symbol I don’t recognize on it. It seems to have a hairbrush inside. Colleen is spooked.

-- Danny comes outside the apartment to find Star Trek’s ALICE EVE talking to Asian Friend. I know she’s Typhoid Mary and I wonder how quickly they will kill off this minority friend. We learn his name is Albert.

-- Colleen goes looking for a furniture shop owner. The shop is closed, but a street person tells her his cousin has a restaurant around the corner. She goes there and finds the man being assaulted. He insists he doesn’t have a cousin.

-- Danny meets with Ward. Ward is disgusted to learn Danny is working at a moving company. Oh i didn’t get that at all. I thought he was moving into Colleen’s place. If he and Albert are NYC movers, they are the slowest ones I have ever seen! I mean, there’s only two of them so one of them has to stay with the truck. And that is just inefficient. You need more guys. And you need a lot of packing tape.

-- We learn Joy called the meeting. She has shorter hair now, and looks kind of evil? She wants them to buy her out of Rand Enterprises. My eyes glaze over whenever the business stuff is brought up. Ward is all mad. And Danny is like... Danny. He just signs without reading anything. He shouldn’t be in charge of a business. Not even a moving business.

-- Typhoid Mary comes home with groceries. She sees a post it that says “DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.” Then another one that says “STOP MOVING THINGS AROUND.” She begins to have an episode. For some reason she has to turn a lot of faucets on. Then she starts to laugh.

-- Danny returns home and Colleen explains the symbol is a kamon. A Family heirloom. And it has her family’s crest on it. Her mother used to brush her hair.

-- Ward goes to an AA meeting and leaves before it gets started. I kind of don’t care about his problems? Or the fact that he’s having sex with the AA lady.

-- Joy meets with Davos. They talk and I tune out again.

-- Danny and Colleen get dinner at the restaurant she saw the guy attacked at earlier. They talk about eating bugs. Somehow when she does it, it is cute. Danny explains that now that the Hand are gone the smaller gangs are making moves. Just then, gang members walk in. Then a group of gang members shows up. And Colleen deals with the group in the back, and Danny fights the ones in the front. Colleen has to stop him from using the Iron Fist on one dude, which would kill him, right?

I wish Jessica and Luke would have a cute date night like that.

-- The restaurant owner explains his cousin is hiding from “the Tigers” (I can’t keep the gangs straight). That everyone on the street pays them for protection.

-- Then Davos shows up. He doesn’t like Colleen so I decide he can suck a dick. Danny says he’s protecting the city and Davos is like “but you didn’t protect K’un L’un.” They fight. He calls Colleen a whore. I am scandalized.

-- More Joy and Davos plotting about how they will make Danny pay.

-- Danny goes into the most poorly lit subway station I’ve ever seen, and practices using the Iron Fist in some hidden room.

Cool?