#emily prentiss comfort

[halfwayhearted]

season 2 Gf!Emily Prentiss blurb where she and reader are having a cuddling together after emily’s first case with the team and reader is just comforting her and its like a cute domestic moment and they have a cat that insists on sitting with them!

Sailor Song — Emily Prentiss.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Fem!Reader

Summary: After one of her first cases with the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Emily wants nothing more than to be by your side. Your cat, Bambi, seems to feel the same.

Word Count: 595+

Disclaimer/s — Just comfort and fluff!

A/N: So! I actually didn’t follow this request through for the first part and only noticed when I reread… hey… I also need this woman so bad, it’s actually becoming concerning.

Late. It was so, so very late.

It was the middle of the night when your phone rang. Groggily, you fumbled around in the dark. Your fingers finally closed around your phone, and you squinted at the screen, ready to decline the call until you saw who it was – your girlfriend.

Quickly, you answer, “Hi, are you okay?”

Sounds of shuffling are heard on the other end before she replies, “Yeah. Hey—I’m sorry, I’m fine. I just wanted to call and let you know that I was on my way home. Did I… did I wake you?”

Yes. “No, no, no,” you told her, “I’ll be waiting.”

With that, you exchange small ‘I love you’s and hang up. Rubbing your eyes, you sit up and move to grab one of her sweaters – her brown one, to be exact. It was comfortable and, well, her. Once it was on, you made your way into the living room.

After about twenty minutes, you heard the door unlocking and swinging open, and in walked the woman you loved and hadn’t seen for the last couple of days. You smile, “Hey, Em.”

She says your name in return, sounding so tired. You knew the lack of sleep she’d be getting from now on would be inevitable, but it still didn’t stop the pang of hurt from going through you.

Sliding off her shoes, she drops her bag onto the side table and moves to lock the door. That’s when you got up and walked toward her, wasting no time in sliding your arms around her neck. “Missed you so much,” you mumbled.

Emily lets out a deep breath, her hands sliding around your torso and pulling you closer. Burying her face into the crook of your neck, her warm breath tickles your skin. That was a reply in itself.

‘I missed you too.’

A couple of long seconds of silence pass when you reluctantly pull away and grab her hand, guiding the both of you to the couch. You plop down and look up at her with expectation. With a huff of laughter, she settles down beside you.

Gently regrasping her hand in yours, you trace the palm of her hand. “So, how was it?”

“It was… stressful, to say the least.” She sighed, “Very, very stressful. How were you? Good?”

You frowned at that, “Stressful, huh? I’ve been okay, worried about you, of course. How was everybody? Did they treat you well?”

“I don’t know, I think it’ll take them a while. But, they were professional. They were fine.”

Humming softly, you watch how she moves to rest her head on your shoulder, brings her knees up to her chest, and closes her eyes.

“You’re strong, you know that, right?” It was something you had always told her. She was so strong, and you just hoped she knew that at the end of the day. You were very proud of her.

She smiles against your shoulder, “I know.”

Just as you’re about to get comfortable, your cat, Bambi, meows from beside you, making you sigh. “It looks like Bambi thinks so too.”

“Of course she does,” the raven-haired woman chuckled, extending her arms and gently lifting your precious cat onto her lap, admiring how she nestled in between the two of you. “Look!”

Your eyes shone with affection, and you knew this moment would stay with you for days. You pressed a kiss to Bambi’s fur, then placed a tender kiss on your girlfriend’s temple, continuing what you had intended before the brief but welcome interruption, your eyes fluttering shut.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated ^_^.

DT(s) — @pedrilcvr ! ౨ৎ (I love you, my beautiful…)

[storiesofsvu]

Something Special

Emily Prentiss x reader Warnings: language, it's mainly comfort, some not really hurt, but Emily feeling insecure for a number of reasons. I won't lie, I had a much better plan for this originally (i think) and it sat in the wip pile for too long so it might be crap LOL.

A long day of work was nothing new to you, you’d been used to it before you were even out of nursing school. If the work day wasn’t busy, you weren’t about to spend it gossiping and catching up with friends, the time was spent reading, researching, educating yourselves about as much as you possibly could. Which is why you had no issues with friends or even more than friends having hectic schedules.

You were coming off a sixteen hour shift that happened to be an overnight shift, incredibly thankful for the on call hours that let you nap so you weren’t utterly exhausted once you were on your way home. You hadn’t heard from Emily, assuming she was still out of town on a case you’d shot her a text at the beginning of your shift, just a little cute, ‘stay safe, love you. Can’t wait to see you again.’ Which is why you tensed every so slightly when you slid the key into the lock of your apartment door and could hear noise inside. You waited a moment, your brow furrowing before you could clearly hear music wafting through the air and you knew it had to be someone you knew. You unlocked the door, stepping over the threshold,

“Hello?” You called, peering into the apartment.

“Oh jeeze!” Emily swore, jumping back from the stove, “you’re early!”

“And you’re here!” You giggled with excitement, the smile remaining on your cheeks as you stepped toward her, cupping her cheeks, pulling her into a soft kiss, “I didn’t think you were back yet?”

“I… guess I kinda hoped I could surprise you.” She replied with a sheepish shrug.

“Well you did!”

Emily felt her heart leap in her chest at the giant smile on your face, the sparkle in your eye as you drank her in. You truly were incredibly happy to have her in your space, to get to come home to her and that made her entire being swell, a sense of relaxation soothing through her even as you squeezed at her arm, a curious expression on your face.

“I feel covered in hospital, is there enough time to shower?”

“Yeah.” She laughed, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “I didn’t think you’d be home for another half hour.”

“Perfect.” You grinned, popping up on your toes to kiss her cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Her body relaxed at the fact that you were home, you were safe, and you were happy. That was all she needed. Right as you turned toward the bedroom she stalled, “oh! Wait!”

“What?” You turned back to her with a curious expression on your face.

“There’s more to the surprise, but I kinda just dumped it on the bed, it’s not ready yet.” She scurried past you, “one sec.”

“Okay.” You laughed, letting her shut the door briefly, listening to her rustle around for a minute before it opened again.

“Don’t peek!” She warned, a finger pointed out at you and you laughed again.

“Scout’s honour.”

You were curious at the lavish looking gift bag sitting in the middle of the bed, but you stayed true to your word, beelining for the ensuite to get in the shower. Wanting nothing more than to get to spend some quality time with your girlfriend you sped through the shower, forgoing washing your hair and quickly drying off afterwards. You wiped the makeup off your face, letting out a happy sigh before tugging on some cozy clothes to make your way back out to the kitchen.

You found Emily plating up dinner on the kitchen island, a soft playlist made up of your favourite songs flowing through the room, the lights were lowered and candles were placed in the middle of the island. You couldn’t help but smile as you approached her, warmth coursing through your veins,

“Kinda feel like I’m underdressed now.” You laughed and she glanced up in your direction, chuckling over the stolen FBI hoodie of hers and pyjama shorts you were wearing.

“Doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re always gorgeous.” Smiling, she placed the pan into the sink, pulling down a couple of wine glasses to fill, sliding one over to you and you glanced down to the island.

“Baby! You made my favourite!”

“I just… wanted to make you something special.”

“Well it looks amazing.” You praised, giggling at the way she blushed, hiding behind her wine glass for a moment. You grabbed her hand in yours, giving it a soft squeeze before bringing it up to your lips for a quick kiss.

You caught up over dinner, Emily telling you what she could about the most recent case while you filled her in on the gossip around the nurses station for the week. She insisted that dishes could wait for later when you were done, placing them in the sink with the promise that she would do them, even if she was the one that cooked. She surprised you with your top three ice cream choices that you took all three to the couch while snuggling up with a movie.

“Can I open my present now,” you asked, shifting your head to look up at her, “or is it a bedroom only kinda present?” Emily snorted at that, shaking her head at you,

“It’s not that kind of present.” She laughed, “well… there is some lingerie in there, but you were the one complaining about wanting cuter pairs.”

“Well then can I open it now?”

“Yes.” She chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to the tip of your nose before you scrambled off the couch to scurry into the bedroom, returning with the bag and a wide smile on your cheeks.

You dropped down onto the couch beside her, warmth spreading though you at the way her hand instinctively wrapped around your thigh, thumb stroking at your skin. You pulled the tissue paper from the bag, reaching in to grab the first gift, revealing a small box in perfect Tiffany blue.

“Em…” Your eyes shot up to her and she chuckled again, her hand coming up to stroke your cheek.

“No protests. You’re worth every penny, and you deserve it.”

Inside the box was a stunning pair of sapphire earrings, a matching gemstone necklace in another box deeper inside the bag. You then pulled out tickets to a touring Broadway show you’d been dying to go see, the aforementioned lingerie that ranged from adorable to scandalous, your favourite expensive chocolates and a candle that smelt almost identical to Emily’s perfume.

“Okay… did I forget about something important? Cause I’m starting to feel like I did…”

“No,” Emily laughed, “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“But why?” Your eyes narrowed as you eyed her suspiciously, knowing there was something deeper behind all of this.

“I wanted to make sure you know just how special you are to me.”

“Baby I already know that.” You laughed, squeezing at her leg, “and dinner alone would’ve proved that what is with all this?”

“It’s nothing, it’s just—” she paused, glancing away while her tongue swept over her lower lip before she tugged her lower one into her mouth.

“Ah!” You pinched at her calf, “that’s your tell. Em, c’mon…” your voice softened, “what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” She glanced up to you and you could see the worry building in her eyes before she let out a weary sigh, running a hand over her face before she spoke.

“Tara and Rebecca broke up this week.”

“So shouldn’t you be buying Tara ice cream and drinking wine with her right now instead?” You offered and she let out a huff of a laugh.

“We already did that at the hotel this week, don’t worry. It just… it got me thinking…”

“Which got you tangled in a web of negative thoughts?” You raised a knowing brow and she scowled at you for a moment before continuing.

“This job… it isn’t easy, and it’s not just on those who do it. I’ve seen so many good, solid relationships, hell, even marriages fall apart at the seams. It felt like it didn’t matter how much anyone was in love, the stress of the job, the workload, it was always too much. Doesn’t help that I kinda suck at this too, I’ve barely managed to hold onto anything longer than a few weeks, fuck, my longest relationship was with a terrorist undercover, I mean, what does that say about me?” She glanced up at you and was relieved when you understood it was a rhetorical question, “I just worry, a lot, that one day you’re gonna look back and think it’s not worth it, that I’m gone all the time, or for too long, or that I value the job over you. So I wanted to make up for… lost time? I guess? For all the date nights missed, times I had to leave early or cut phone calls short. I just wanted to make sure you know just how incredibly special you are to me.”

“Oh Em…” Your hand reached out, curving around her face as your thumb rubbed at her cheek, frowning at the tears threatening to form in her eyes. “You don’t have worry about that at all, even if I do greatly appreciate the presents. Work is work, it’s always gonna take priority and it’s not like I don’t pull twenty plus hour shifts or overnights too.”

“You know I hate having to leave you behind all the time, right?”

“I do.” You nodded, “and you have no idea how grateful I am that you always check in with me while you’re away. Knowing you’re safe really does help me sleep at night.”

“I’ll never not call.” She smiled and you threw a leg over her, effectively climbing into her lap, cupping her face in your hands.

“Good.” You smiled, leaning down to kiss her tenderly, “and I’ll never not answer.” Your lips brushed against hers as you spoke, kissing her again before settling in her lap. “But seriously Em, you don’t have a single thing to worry about. I knew how insane your job was before I even said yes to that first date and if I had any issues with it, I wouldn’t have gone on that date. I love you,” you kissed her forehead, “I adore you” you kissed the tip of her nose, “more than anything in the entire world. I don’t care how long I have to wait for you to come home, I will always welcome you with open arms and an open heart.” You placed the last kiss on her lips, “you’re something incredible special, you mean the world to me, and I already know that I mean just as much to you.”

“More than that.” She smiled up at you and your lips split into a grin.

“You don’t have to worry about the fancy gifts Emily, all I ever needed was you.”

“Okay.” She admitted with a small laugh, leaning up to kiss you gently, “but I’m still gonna give at least some of them.”

“Yeah?” You raised a brow, a playful grin taking over your cheeks, “you could always stick with just the naughty ones.”

“Oh yeah?” The familiar gleam took over her eyes as she wrapped her arms around you, suddenly standing from the couch and your legs instinctively wrapped around her waist as you let out a playful shriek, “you want me to bring home a new toy after each trip?”

“I think I’d like that a lot Agent Prentiss.” You smirked against her lips as she carried you into the bedroom.

If you didn’t already know just how much Emily loved you, and how much you meant to her, you certainly did by the time she was done with you. And like any night she was there, you were quick to fall asleep curled in her arms with a happy smile on your face and Emily let out a breath, knowing that this was exactly where she belonged and where she was going to stay, there was no reason to worry. You were going to be her forever.

__________

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[cissyenthusiast010155]

Emily Prentiss Masterlist

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Approach at your own risk… smut =* extra smutty =**

One Shots

Mommy Kink You Say? Drabble

S3 vs. S16 Prentiss NSFW Drabble*

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I Like Like You

Except Me*

Properly Punished ~Jemily*

BAU Team Drabble ~College!au

Water Kink with Emily Prentiss

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High Society ~Melissa Schemmenti x Emily Prentiss(Lauren Reynolds) xFem Younger!Spy!Reader (High Society AU)

Oh and I take Requests, so hit me up with your ideas 😉 Requests & Prompt-List

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Home (E.P.)

Summary: Emily wants to go home, but she doesn’t know how. In her search, she stumbles upon her ex’s doorstep. Request: Emily shows up at Reader's door, begging for comfort. A/N: I hope you all enjoy my first Emily fic! I cried the whole time. Couple: Emily Prentiss/GN!Reader Category: Comfort Content Warning: Self-hatred, exes, crying, kissing Word Count: 2.4k

MASTERLIST

Why is it always snowing at times like this?

Emily pondered the question quietly. Her lips fought the bitterness to try to smile.

A bit cliche, isn’t it?

But it’s beautiful.

The nighttime snow blanketed the district with a rare kind of serenity. Soft, fluffy flakes hung in the air, lazily traversing between the skyscrapers to find a place to rest.

The woman, however, felt hopelessly lost. The streetlights attempted to keep her company in the cold but flickering bulbs were still shy. The gentle beams were hesitant to touch her.

The snowflakes were not. They lingered on her skin, maintaining their sharp crystalline patterns. How long had she been wandering for a place to find rest? Long enough for pink cheeks to turn cold.

But the sting of the occasional wind was almost welcome. Its cruel kisses reminded her that she was still alive.

Alive… and alone.

It was a familiar feeling. At one time, she might have dared to call it comfortable. On nights like this, though, she was acutely aware of the heaviness of her heart. She wanted to stop, to fall to her knees and feel the peace the others always spoke about.

But her treacherous feet would march on. They would lead her through untouched snow, leaving a violent mark on the otherwise pure.

She was relieved when her feet stopped at your doorstep, albeit terrified by the reason why. She stared up at the apartment building and shivered for the first time since the cold started.

She shivered not from the wind, but from the memory of warmth.

It had been months since you last spoke. It had been her decision to leave.

Yet it had also been her decision to press the series of buttons to ensure your answer. She had decided to stand there, steadily growing heavier from the weight of weary snowflakes until something changed.

The buzzer was loud and harsh, but the latch was quiet when it clicked open.

After a moment of shock at the sound, Emily made another series of decisions.

She pried open heavy metal doors and stepped into the light. She trudged through the building with the company of soot-polluted snow on her shoulders. She didn’t even bother to brush it off when she got to your door.

That was how you would find her.

As beautiful as the day she’d left.

You said nothing. You stared at her, instead. You bit down on your tongue so that it wouldn’t give away any clues of what you might want to have said.

You waited, the same as the snow. You waited for her to explain away her unexpected visit. You tried your hardest to hide the fondness behind a veil of false rage.

You are so happy to see her, but you are devastated by the state in which she came.

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go,” she whispers.

The sound is small but sharp. Like the expert marksman she’d always been, her words struck you with the force of three bullets to the heart.

You shook off the pain. It was a familiar feeling.

“Why did you come here?” you asked.

You knew that she wouldn’t answer it unless you asked.

“Because….”

She didn’t answer it, anyway. The words rose in her throat just to be swallowed. She bit down on her lip the same way you cursed your tongue.

Because are the closest I’ve ever been to home, is the simple truth she wouldn’t give.

“God, why is this so terrifying?” she choked.

You watched her. Your eyes traced trembling lips the way you wished your fingers could.

Eventually, you move back to her eyes. From that angle, on that doorstep, you find no warmth in the brown. But there is a longing; a faint memory of a time when her eyes shone like bittersweet molasses in the sun.

“I swear I’m not trying to avoid answering the question it’s just… I look at you, and I realize I don’t know the answer,” she whispered.

Your eyes begged her to continue. Your heart begged her to stop hurting you like this. To stop being so pitiful when she had been the one who left.

But then she spoke, with her voice crackling like a dry fire, and your heart set aflame alongside it.

“I don’t know what to tell you except that… I’m really scared.”

Your mouth opened at the sight of tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. Your hands shook as they turned to fists to try and stop yourself from doing what you knew to be inevitable.

“I’m terrified that who I am, who I’ve always been, is something broken. Something that can’t be fixed,” she spat.

Each word laced with the self-hatred that had always stood between you.

“But then you look at me and…”

For the briefest moment, just when red-rimmed eyes met yours, the hatred stepped aside. Behind it, you saw the shivering, terrified teenage girl inside her who’d never stopped begging someone to show her mercy for not having all the answers.

She allowed herself to keep crying because at least then she could remember what it felt like to be embraced.

The tears streaming down her face were the warmest thing to have touched her all night until you.

You reached out a hesitant hand.

She winced.

You paused.

It took her a moment to remember that you had been the only person to hold her without hurting her. Not like the others, anyway.

Your hurt came from the tenderness with which you held her. It was the sweetest torture to feel a warm palm against frozen cheeks. Her nerves fired wildly; her mind rioted against reality.

You were not going to hurt her like the others.

Your fingers were gentle as they swept tears away. That kindness only made them fall faster.

“I think I just really wanted you to look at me,” she said, finally finishing the forgotten thought.

“Oh, Emily,” you sighed through a lopsided smile. “Come in. You’re freezing.”

She accepted the offer. Although she moved slowly and was careful not to brush against you or the doorframe, she moved with purpose. She stepped into your home and allowed herself to bathe in the warmth.

Her eyes were closed when you passed her by. She listened to the soft shuffling of your feet as you walked towards the kitchen.

She stayed there, just past the entrance, the whole time that you prepared warm beverages. From there, she could still smell the familiar scent of domesticity.

Old memories resurfaced. The hissing of the faucet and the crinkling of packages called to her the same way it had when she slept in too late.

She joined you in the kitchen just in time for you to leave. Still, you appreciated a second set of hands. As you handed her the warm mug, you wondered whether it would burn frozen fingers. You knew she wouldn’t move it even if it did.

Emily required guidance back to the couch, no matter how many nights she spent there. You provided it happily. Your hand rested against the damp back of her jacket and, eventually, helped remove it.

Without the weight of soaked wool fabric, she collapsed.

Words started flowing faster than you could capture. She told you about her life since she left. She never spoke about the heartbreak of you—only the ones that followed.

Thankfully, she spared you the graphic details of violence when she spoke about work. The same couldn’t be said about her personal life. But those ghosts were familiar to you.

Yet… the rage you felt had never changed. The fury at the world that hurt her never waned. It burned as strongly as it always had.

Emily had always loved your fearlessness in the face of evil. She had always assumed it was why you weren’t afraid of her.

When she had properly broken herself, the night’s silence returned. You looked at hair now dripping with melted crystals and wondered, as you always did, why she never wore it like it was.

‘It looks like a mess,’ she would say.

‘But it’s beautiful,’ you would answer.

“Can I be blunt with you?” you asked.

Emily’s attention turned up at the question.

“Of course.”

“Even if they’re nice words?”

That time, she needed time before she could answer. Hesitantly, though, she nodded. Tears that had dried up welled anew at the thought of what you might have to say.

You knew that cruelty would be kinder to her. You were still unwilling to wield it.

“The world isn’t out to get you, Emily,” you sighed.

She laughed. The sad noise sputtered from her lips while she tried to stymy insistent tears.

“These are the nice words?” she croaked sarcastically.

“Just wait,” you laughed.

That time, she sat up straighter in anticipation. Like the proud scapegoat she had always served as, she steeled her features and appeared stoic in the face of criticism.

But the tears still came. One at a time, sprinting like falling stars over the night sky of her.

“The world isn’t out to get you… You are.”

Her features fell at the thought. Her shoulders faltered and her hands gripped tighter to the mug in her hands.

“You’re so resigned to the feeling that you’ll never be enough that you just refuse to believe anyone who says otherwise.”

You knew because she’d never believed you.

“You’ve always seen the beauty in everyone. Even people with very little to love.”

Your mind ran through every one of her memories that you’d had the honor to hear about. You thought about—and cursed—every iteration of evil that had helped itself to a part of her.

Her heart, her empathy, the core of who she was, must have felt so dwarfed by their lies. The untruths they had to cling to in order to justify the horrors they inflicted on a young woman, a lover, a girl.

A girl who just wanted to be good.

A girl who had always been good.

“I just… I wish you could give yourself the same grace,” you said quietly in the hope she would listen harder than she ever had before.

Her mug hit the table without any sign of grace. She steadied it with both hands, holding tighter for a few seconds to steal just a little more of its warmth before she turned back to you.

Her arms wrapped around herself first. She bit down on her lip and looked at you just to look away again.

She couldn’t face you as she tried to ask for something she’d convinced herself she didn’t deserve.

“Can I…” she tried.

You set down your mug. Your trembling hands were also unsteady. Yet that didn’t stop you from pressing them against her face. They were weak and gentle, but sure when they made her face you once more.

She fought the heaviness and tried to smile. She almost made it, but the effort was thwarted when she spoke through a resistant throat.

“Can I hold you?” she whispered, “Just… just for a minute.”

Implicit in the words was the hope that you weren’t going to count.

Of course, you wouldn’t. Of course, you wrapped your arms around her and held her tightly against your chest.

Again, she collapsed. She scrambled to get closer, to fall into your arms and steal the warmth from you the same way she had the mug.

You gave it to her freely. You held her the same way a mother might hold a crying child. Not out of pity or obligation, but because she was scared, and she was human.

And she was beautiful. Beautiful in the way that others might never see if they are willing to stop looking where it is convenient.

Her vulnerability, rarely offered and almost never earned, would stoke the fire to ensure that neither of you succumbed to the cold.

Her tears were still warm. Inside her, there was still a heart beating, begging her to accept shelter. It sought out every reminder that she was not dead.

She was alive. She didn’t have to be alone.

That was why she had come to you.

“I miss you so much,” she sobbed.

“I miss you, too, Emily.”

Her arm curled between you, clutching her chest while she fought herself for air.

“I don’t understand why love has to hurt like this,” she whispered under struggling breath.

As you pulled away at the thought, she let you go. She practically pushed herself off you with a palpable regret.

You looked at her, both horrified and enraged at the thought.

“Emily, love isn’t supposed to hurt.”

You stopped yourself. Biting down hard on your lip, you looked away so that the anger in your eyes wouldn’t scald her in its search for the ghosts in her head.

“It can be confusing or exhausting o-or frustrating, but…”

You wiped your own tears. She watched with morbid curiosity as your own mask cracked and fell away.

You let her see it. You ran a hand over your face and took a deep breath. Then, when you were composed in your broken pieces, your hand held her face again. You imparted the healing warmth of compassion into now rosy cheeks.

She didn’t wince that time when you touched her.

“Love is never supposed to hurt, sweetheart,” you whispered back.

Her eyes closed and released a few more tears. She took a deep breath, basking in the warmth of your grace before she found that her quiet complacence wasn’t enough.

Her fingers were barely cold when they pressed against your face. They were only shaking and shy as they pulled you forward.

When your trembling lips met, they tasted the same as they always had. The bittersweet softness, the cruelest kindness one could give.

You kissed her back. The harder she pushed, the more that you gave. Her insistence, innocent and stumbling, bred laughter in tired lungs.

She was so soft, so warm, so endlessly human.

The two of you nearly toppled off the couch before she was willing to part. When she did, she laughed along with you. You fixed her hair, brushing it aside wherever it had fallen to hide the beautiful, messy state of her.

She leaned into your palm. Her cheeks felt warm.

“Thank you,” she said.

For always showing me what it means to be loved.

For letting me believe, even just for a moment, that I could do it, too.

“You don’t have to thank me,” you assured her, “I’m so happy you came home.”

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[v3nusxsky]

Thought I’d share this ai practice with my Emily prentiss lovers

[pathologicalreid]

buried alive | S.R.

in which the BAU races against the clock to rescue you from a killer team

who? spencer reid x fem!BAU!reader

category: angsty

content warnings: kidnapping, case stuff (murder yk), suffocation, being buried alive, hospitals, blood, nausea, CPR, funerals, use of pet names, guns, and drugs. i think that's all.

word count: 2.9k

a/n: okay, so i've been reading so much spencer fanfic and i started writing it and yesterday i realized i have 20 fics written and they're doing no one any good just sitting on my computer. i decided to finally try posting one. i wrote fanfic in high school (so like seven years ago) but this is my first time writing for a TV show. i've also never really posted on tumblr so please bear with me while i try to figure out formatting. tysm for checking out my post.

part two part three

You walked into the conference room and dropped the file on the table, allowing it to land on the wood with a satisfying splat. “The unsub’s burying them alive,” you said, letting the rest of the team know the conclusion you had come to with the medical examiner. “The M.E. found metal shavings and satin threads under the nails of our last victim. The most common materials to make up a casket.”

“There’s no way someone could bury someone alive in a casket alone, we’ve got to be dealing with a team, at least three people,” Emily concluded, standing in front of the evidence board.

It was the team’s third day on a case in Nebraska, four women had been discovered dead. Asphyxiation by hypoxia. Carbon dioxide poisoning.

“Approximately 420 people in the United States die from accidental carbon dioxide poisoning every year,” Spencer said, grabbing the file off of the table and flipping through it, taking a few seconds to read through it.

Rossi looked over Reid’s shoulder to look at the file, “but there’s nothing accidental about these deaths. Who would have access to these caskets?”

You shook your head, placing a hand on the back of Spencer’s chair, “A funeral director seems most likely.” You looked around at the Omaha field office, different agents running about in an attempt to solve these very murders. “They’d have the most access, write it off as displays. It could be hard to match the materials since they’re so common.”

Hotch leaned over the table and pressed the conference phone, “What can I do you for?” Garcia’s bright voice rang through the speaker.

“Garcia, I need you to look into funeral homes within the comfort zone. Look for a director who’s ordered more caskets than they’ve had funerals. Find anything, nothing is too small.” He told her.

“Absolutely, I’ll hit you back when I’ve got something,” she said, hanging up the phone.

There ended up being four funeral homes in the unsub’s comfort zone, so the team split up. You went with two locals to a family-owned business, Garcia had sent you all of the files you’d need on the location. “It looks like the Varn family has been in the funeral business since the seventeenth century,” you read aloud to the two agents you were in the car with.

“Does it mean they’re more or less likely to be the killers if they’ve been in business for so long?” One of the agents asked you, a younger man named Harrison.

You pursed your lips as you continued to look over the files, “I’m not seeing any glaringly obvious stressors before the murders started, but over the years I’ve learned that’s no reason to write someone off. Psychopaths can be tipped off by the slightest thing. Things none of us would bat an eye at.”

Harrison nodded in the passenger seat, looking over to his partner Jimmy, “You and your guy sure do make an interesting pair.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment, so thank you.” You and Spencer never explicitly stated to the field office that you were dating, but you walked into the precinct this morning holding hands. The agents must have drawn their own conclusions.

The younger officer cleared his throat, “It is a compliment, ma’am. The two of you are very impressive, your whole team is.”

You smiled, “Thank you, Harrison.”

The funeral home was run by a mother and her two sons, you held up your credentials for the mother when you knocked on the door. “Are you Sheila Varn?” You asked her, raising your eyebrows.

“Yes, what’s this about?” She inquired. She didn’t really look the part of a serial killer, a middle-aged woman who was running her family business.

Pocketing your credentials, you spoke, “We’re investigating the recent murders in the area and we were wondering if you had samples of the materials your caskets are made out of. Might we be able to come in?” You asked, adding a charming smile for effect.

Something flashed across her face before she returned your smile, opening the door and welcoming the three of you inside. “Hold on, let me get my boys up here. They’re so much more versed in the goings on of the town than I am,” she said, opening the door and calling for her sons. Felix and Joss came up the stairs from the basement, now they definitely had the physique to load dead women into caskets and bury them alive.

“Why don’t you two men come with me? I’ll get you those samples,” Sheila said, motioning for the agents you were with to follow her. To your horror, they followed her around the corner. “Felix, Joss, show this young lady what you know,” she instructed.

You took a deep breath before you looked up at the two men.

They were tall, maybe Spencer’s height, but they were built like wrestlers. There was no way you could physically subdue them on your own.

You passed out before you even had the chance to pull your gun.

Hotch was in full Unit Chief mode, Spencer watched from the corner of the room as he separated people into groups and gave them specific instructions. JJ and Morgan walked into the precinct, “What’s going on?” JJ asked looking around the room.

“The Varn Family is the team; two agents were found drugged on the side of the road and when we went to the funeral home Y/N was missing. Her badge, gun, and phone were all there, covered in blood,” Spencer said morosely, watching as Hotch finished giving orders and called the rest of the team over.

Your picture was up on the evidence board with the word “missing” written in bold letters beneath it. All of your belongings had been put into evidence for the time being. “Reid?” Hotch said his name, causing his head to snap up. “Are you okay to keep working?”

Spencer nodded affirmatively, “Yes.”

“Good, I need you to estimate how much time we have, I want a clock on these screens,” he ordered.

Morgan turned to Reid, “What do you think she has, kid?”

“The tidal volume for the average adult is point five at rest. That ends up being about six liters per minute. The average casket is approximately 886 liters in total volume and the average volume of the human body is 66 liters, leaving 820 liters to be filled with air for her to breathe. If she’s been gone for half an hour already, I’d estimate she has less than five hours of breathable air left.” Spencer explained, doing all of the math in his head while Emily put a timer on the screen next to the evidence board.

After a moment, Hotch continued, “Rossi, JJ, go back to the funeral home. Tear it apart, there has to be something there we haven’t found yet. The rest of us will split the list of cemeteries in the comfort zone and search them.”

“That’s a lot of ground to cover, we don’t have anything else to go on?” Morgan asked, looking at the list of burial sites he had been handed.

Hotch looked at Spencer, but Spencer stayed silent. “That’s all we have right now,” Hotch responded, “hopefully we’ll come across leads as we go.”

It smelled like a garden around you. The memory reminded you of spring with your mother, tending to the vegetable garden.

The only difference was that instead of the sun beaming down on you, it was pitch black. The space surrounding you was so dark that you weren’t totally sure your eyes were open.

Your head was throbbing just above your right temple, and you observed your surroundings. Slowly, you lifted your arm until it hit a ceiling.

Not a ceiling. A lid. You were in a casket. You pressed one hand to your chest and tried to slow your breathing. Chances were that the casket was already buried beneath the surface of the earth, trying to open it could be catastrophic. You patted the pockets of your jeans, only to find your phone missing, so the team wouldn’t be able to trace the location.

Even if you had it, there likely wouldn’t be service six feet under.

Your team would find you. They had to find you.

They found Spencer, they found Emily, and they would find you.

Spencer shifted in the passenger seat of the SUV, “You know, carbon dioxide poisoning is a rather peaceful way to die.”

“Reid,” Morgan said, turning the vehicle onto the main road, they had just finished scouring over another cemetery with still no sign of you.

He sighed and stared at his hands, “No, it’s good. We see so many people killed in so many different ways that it’s good that she won’t be in pain when she runs out of air.” He tried to convince himself.

Morgan cleared his throat, “We aren’t out of time yet, kid. We can still find her. Y/N’s smart, I’m sure she found a way to make more air or something.”

But they were running out of time, less than an hour remained on the timer set on all of their phones.

They pulled into the next cemetery, “There’s some fresh dirt over there, what are the names on the graves of people who were actually recently buried?”

Spencer starts to recite the names, and the two of them start to comb through the cemetery.

You had done enough research on this case to understand what was going on. The light-headed feeling had started not long ago, but now you felt like you were spinning, despite the knowledge that you were stuck in place.

It was a high. Not unlike the good kids high. Except instead of trying to chase a feeling, you were dying.

The timer went off when they were still scouring graves, shovels in hand. Derek stopped in his tracks, but Spencer kept going.

“Wait,” Spencer called out, reading the name on the card next to the fresh grave he was standing at, he moved to start digging. “Essie Dunbar was a thirty-year-old woman who was mistakenly buried alive in 1915,” he said, digging. “This has to be it.”

Derek called Hotch, putting the call on speakerphone so he could help Spencer dig. “Hotch, we got her, but she’s buried.”

“We’re on our way, Omaha police have one of the brothers in custody,” Hotch told Emily to have an ambulance dispatched.

What Reid knew that Derek didn’t was that it could take four hours to dig a grave by hand. The soil had been overturned, so maybe call it three. Your odds were still negligible. He didn’t stop, he didn’t stop when a caretaker came running at them, and he didn’t stop when Derek told him to get his digging equipment out here now.

Derek flashed his FBI badge to get what they needed. He had to physically pull Spencer back from the grave so the backhoe could dig, only going until there was less than a foot between them and the casket.

Spencer crudely attached a chain to the casket and the caretaker's vehicle. Carefully, the caretaker dragged the white container out of the earth and up a slant they had dug. It was locked shut, “Reid, move,” Derek ordered.

He leaned back and Derek fired at the lock, taking it off and opening the casket. Spencer gasped, there was blood on the side of your head, dried and raked through your hair. He was vaguely aware of Hotch and Emily arriving as they pulled you out of your satin prison. You had no pulse, but you were still warm. Immediately, Spencer started CPR.

“Reid let me do it,” Derek insisted.

What he was trying to say is that he shouldn’t have to be the one to try to save your life.

Morgan repeated himself and Spencer pulled away, allowing the other agent to immediately take over. There was a siren in the background, an ambulance. More people showed up, Spencer heard their voices, but he just kept watching you. CPR was effective if it was done shortly after your heart stopped, and even then, permanent brain damage was likely.

It had been eight minutes since they pulled you out of the ground. Clinically, you were dead for eight minutes before you gasped.

Spencer smoothed your hair back, away from your face, while you desperately tried to catch your breath. You weren’t moving, and Spencer started running through symptoms of hypoxia. His biggest fear was brain damage, that they had done more harm to you in bringing you back than they would have had you died.

The EMTs came running over to where everyone had gathered, dispersing the crowd, and placing an oxygen mask over your face. As they were loading you on the stretcher, you started trying to talk, reaching your arm out to your side. “Wait, what’s she saying?” JJ asked.

“Sometimes it’s hard to talk after CPR,” the male EMT said as they moved you closer to the ambulance. He listened to what you were saying, “It’s not coherent.”

Spencer didn’t move, all of the adrenaline that had been coursing through his body all day was leaving.

Aphasia. They were saying the lack of oxygen to your brain was causing aphasia. “No,” Emily said, realization dawning on her features as she strained to listen to you. You were whispering, rasping the same word over and over again. “She’s saying ‘Spence.’”

He stood quickly and looked at you, sure enough, you were reaching out your hand and whispering, “Spence, Spence.” Your voice no more than a whisper.

Grabbing your hand, Spencer squeezed it, “I’m here,” he answered. “It’s okay, it’s over,” he told you, moving your hair out of your face. Spencer secured your oxygen mask over your face as you tried to take it off, “You have to keep this on, angel.”

To his relief, you squeezed his hand back.

You had been instructed to get some rest, but you couldn’t close your eyes. You asked Spencer to go back to the hotel and change his clothes because he smelled like dirt, and it made you nauseous. Your head had been bandaged, you’d been run through an MRI, and you did an EEG, so far, the only brain damage that had been incurred seemed temporary.

According to the doctors, the nausea and fatigue should wear off, but they hadn’t been able to fully assess if any permanent damage was done. At this point, the worst of your injuries had been caused by being given CPR, resulting in cracked ribs.

Despite your headache, you kept most of the lights on in your hospital room, not quite ready to be left in the darkness again. “Hey,” a voice called from your doorway, Spencer stood, waiting to be invited in. He was wearing different clothes, a button-up with a green cardigan thrown over it, and clean pants. “How are you feeling?”

A nasal cannula slightly restricted your movement, but you were sat up in the hospital bed, “Better than I was, but not perfect.”

He shook his head, walking in and taking a seat next to you, “No one expects you to be perfect right now.” Gently, he reached out and took your hand, skimming the pad of his thumb over your knuckles. “They found the mother and the other son, and all three of them are going to go away for a long time,” he told you, speaking in the kind of hushed, reverent tones that are reserved for hospitals.

You sighed and tilted your head back, “Good,” you maundered. “That’s uh, good,” your voice was barely audible.

“So why do you look so worried?” He asked, leaning in closer to you.

In an attempt to dismiss his concern, you joked, “I think I owe Morgan some sort of life debt now.”

Spencer offered you a soft smile, “The two of you tend to trade those off, I’m sure you’ll find some way to make it up to him.” He inclined his head towards you as if to silently say, So what is it really?

You swallowed thickly, “I’m scared to close my eyes, Spence.”

His shoulders dropped, “oh, Angel,” he breathed. “Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked, looping a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. “Wait, what are you doing?” He asked, watching you as you lifted yourself, so you were on one side of the bed.

Shyly, you patted the new empty half of the bed, inviting him to sit next to you.

He had no choice but to comply, he had the hardest time saying no to you. Leaning the bed back slightly, Spencer kicked off his shoes before he laid down next to you, wrapping an arm around you as you set your cheek on his shoulder.

Your body relaxed into his and you sighed, “Spence?” You murmured.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, “Yes, angel?” He whispered back to you.

“Thanks for coming to save me,” you mumbled, slowly relaxing enough to fall asleep.

Spencer exhaled, “I’m always going to come to save you.”

part two

[wistfulwatcher]

[isagrimorie]

Parallels - Emily and Rossi conspiring

Criminal Minds 12x21 - Green Light | Criminal Minds Evolution 17x05 - Conspiracy vs Theory

[dalamjisung]

A muted shade of green ✧ Chapter 1: Cat Adams

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 4986

pairing: reader x spencer reid

description: you finally understand what is going on. and that leaves you more lost than ever.

a muted shade of green masterlist

previous chapter // next chapter

The first thing you notice is the colour of the walls– beige and cold and not green. You don’t say anything to Spencer, though; you couldn’t even if you tried. Not with all those eyes on you. Your visitor’s pass clicks and clanks against the buttons of your shirt and your hands still shake, even with how tightly they are holding onto your bag. Morgan and Spencer have been very careful to not make too many sudden moves near you, but they are not the problem, it’s the situation. It’s the fact that Spencer doesn’t tell you who is Cat Adams. Is the fact that they made you put your phone in a metal box before entering the building, and then proceed to talk about as if you are not right there. 

“She’s going to need a security detail,” Morgan sighs, sunglass finally off and it knocks your breath away how worried he looks. He can’t really hide it, you think, not with how expressive his eyes are. Spencer, on the other hand, is unreadable. His face is set and frozen in a blank expression that has all the hair on your arms standing up. He doesn’t speak, though, and that is probably the first time you’ve ever seen Spencer Reid that quiet. “Kid, are you listening to me?” 

“Security detail won’t do,” Is all he says before guiding you out of the elevator and into an open space filled with office desk, trapped inside those god awful beige walls. Fuck, you think you are starting to hate beige; that specific shade of it. You hate how it numbs out everything inside, how trapped it makes you feel. No one really talks to you, but from the way they stare, it’s quite obvious that they know what Spencer won’t tell you. 

At this point, there are various things happening inside of you and you can’t quite keep up with them all. Your stomach is roaring, sending sharp jolts of pain up and down your torso and you wince a little with each step you take. In turn, each step you take has you wobbling on unstable legs, and you take deep breaths to try and keep it together. Though every time you inhale, your lungs burn from the panic that lingers in the back of your brain. And finally, you brain, tired and overused, still seems to have an issue with processing the situation, and it takes you to a time that no longer exists– a time in which Spencer laughed at your literary themed jokes, or when he would come with coffee and nothing more than a smile. You understand now, why he kept you in the dark about his job; you understand the weight that this job has on him. 

It makes you wonder if it’s a weight you’re strong enough to carry on your shoulders.

By the time you blink yourself awake from your world of past memories, there are people around you and you don’t recognise any of them. Somehow, you are seated at what looks like a very typical office desk; the chair swivels as you look around. The copy of The Argonauts on the desk is a dead giveaway of whose desk you are on, but then why isn’t he here? Why did he bring you to this cold, cold place and left you by yourself? Why– “Y/N? It’s Y/N, right?”

There are two women next to you, one to your right and one to your left. You don’t like how they make you feel like a cornered animal, but their faces show nothing but understanding and compassion, and you don’t feel like being a bitch will help your situation. Your anger, building higher and stronger with each passing second, is not because of them, and you are many things, but you like to think you are not unfair. “Yeah,” You croak out, gulping the ball of emotions that seemed to be stuck halfway down your throat, making it hard to talk or breathe without your lower lips wobbling pathetically. 

“Y/N, my name is Jennifer, but you can call me JJ. This is Emily, we both work with Reid.” 

It takes you a second to know who they are talking about. For you, it’s never Reid. It’s Spencer when you are laughing at one of his rants about something so niche and specific that you couldn’t find it anything other than amusing. It’s Spence when you’re heart is full and the butterflies are awake. And it’s Favourite Customer when you want to tease him. It’s never just… Reid. “Spencer,” You nod, embarrassed by your own need to say his full name. You don’t want to need him, right now, but you can’t help but look around the open bullpen. His wild, shaggy hair is nowhere to be seen and you don’t understand how the sweet man that stole your heart can do something like this. You are scared and confused and he just left you with strangers. “I uh, I’m sorry, but wha-what’s going on? No one will tell me anything, and I think I have the right to now why Spence had a gun and why I was dragged away from my shop and–“

If you had anything in your stomach, you’d vomit again but all you manage is to double forward a little, the pain of your hunger and your nausea together starting to get a little too much when the added stress of being alone with strangers got added into the mix. “Here,” JJ pushes a packet of saltines towards you. “Got into them when I was pregnant with my boys and now I always keep one here. It’ll be good to eat something, Morgan mentioned you got sick.”

“Thank you, I– Penelope?” Seeing her there, with her pinks and oranges and yellows, makes as little sense as seeing Spencer with a gun. Her warmth and happiness don’t fit in a place like this, that, so far, has only brought you anxiety. 

“Y/N! Oh my god, sweet, pretty Y/N!” For the first time in what feels like a lifetime, you chuckle. And it breaks you down inside, how fragile you must seem for Penelope to wobble towards you in such high heels and yet, hug you with the utmost care in the world. It’s in her arms that you start crying again. “Oh no, no no no, don’t cry, it’s okay… You’re safe here.” 

“Safe from what?” You wail, and if Spencer had bothered enough to be there, that would’ve been the first time he would have seen you raising your voice. 

Ever since you were little, you never raised your voice. As an adult, it has happened once or twice, but never at someone specifically. Your nature is that of a more reserved person, someone who enjoys the spectator role a bit too much and prefers to observe from afar. There is power in knowledge, and it shouldn’t be surprising to anyone that you value the little bit of it that you have– so much so, that you built a business in which you could gather all the knowledge you deemed special and worthy and important, and then you could share with other people. Sure, you don’t always feel like your job is significantly important for the betterment of the world, but every time a client leaves with a smile, you know you’re doing your part. 

“Cat Adams.” 

The name alone is enough to make you fall onto the chair again, body limp and drained. Spencer is back, but he’s off. His lips are pursed in that way he does when he is unsure of what to say and he’s hidden his hands inside his pockets. It’s his own way of keeping secrets, hiding his hands from you… and you don’t like it. For as long as you have known him, his excitement shone through his hands; it’s the fast movements and the wiggle of his fingers that always make you smile. It’s how he best communicates and now it’s how he pushes you away. “Miss Y/L/N,” There is a man in a suit standing next to him, and you shrink in your chair under his stare. It’s heavy and cold, and you think that if he looks at you for a second longer you might start crying all over again. “My name is Aaron Hotchner, I’m the unit chief for the BAU. Please, come with me and I’ll explain everything. JJ and Spencer, you too. Penelope, prepare to brief the team in 20.”

Part of you wants to tell him no just to see what would happen. It’s clear, from more than just his title, he’s in charge. Your one and only connection to these people and this place is Spencer, so he is your tell-tale. He is your magic ball. It’s a skill, rather than a gift, being able to sense people like this– it’s something that years in retail and sales have taught you– and right now, you see how Spencer shifts his weight from one leg to the other while looking at his boss, waiting for instructions as if he couldn’t come up with them himself, and that, more than anything else that has happened today, is what scares you the most. 

Because if a man like Spencer can’t come up with an answer for this specific issue, you are not sure anyone else can. 

—————————————

“Can someone please tell me what is going on?” You are not above begging, hands balled into fists on your lap as you look up at Aaron Hotchner with pitiful eyes. You probably look messy, at this point, but you can’t bring yourself to care. All you care about is you. And your store. And the fact that an hour has passed since you first got to that godforsaken office and no one seems to care; no one seems to care about your time or your personal affairs. 

They only care about that stupid package. 

“Miss Y/L/N, I apologise for the confusion we’ve caused, but I guarantee that everything that has been done so far was to keep you safe,” His words, as strong as they sound, don’t feel any more assuring than then tentative glance Spencer throws your way. 

“Oh god,” You breathe out, eyes wide while your mind ran circles around you. It is a dangerous thing, to let a literary lover imagine– your brain, filled with epic tales and unforgettable real stories, starts rushing towards the worst case scenario and you find yourself reaching out to hold at something, anything, that might make you feel grounded in reality again. It’s how soft Spencers suit feels in your fingertips that makes you realise you reached out for him. “Oh god, was that like, a bomb? Did I sign for a bomb? Oh god, Spencer, do people send you bombs? I didn’t know, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, Spence, I–“ 

“It wasn’t a bomb,” Spencer is quick to interject, hands finally out of his pockets when he reaches out to hold your shoulders. His thumb gently caresses your arm and you try to breathe somewhat regularly, imitating the rise and fall of his chest like he is the beacon light bringing you back home in treacherous waves– like he is the only one you can trust in that place. “Y/N, it’s okay, it wasn’t a bomb. The contents of the package are not important and they were harmless. But we need you to focus. I know I scared you and that this is all very overwhelming, but you need to listen to Hotch. Please.” 

In your mind, you keep repeating those words to yourself– Listen to Hotch. Listen to Hotch. Listen to Hotch.

“Cat Adams is a prolific serial killer,” Listen to Hotch. Listen to Hotch. Listen to Hotch. “We’ve arrested her a few years ago and we believe she has resurfaced.” 

Listen to Hotch. Listen to Hotch. Listen to Hotch.

“And that she has been targeting Reid.”

With one panicked look his way, you say what the words stuck in your throat can’t convey– I can’t listen to Hotch anymore. “She… She is a serial killer,” You whisper, eyes focused on Spencer in search of a nod or a shake of his head. This is the FBI, but you only trust him. “And she is after Spencer. Okay, I uh– I need– I don’t know what I need.” 

If you asked Spencer, he would tell you that you have a certain something about you whenever you are tired. Your shoulders slump forward and your head fall on your hands in a desperate way to keep your neck upright. The lack of energy is almost visible in you, and sometimes he has to fight the urge to hold your head up for you. 

But you don’t ask Spencer. Actually, you don’t say anything at all; you let people talk about you and around you, but your brain shuts down with each and every word, unable to retain any more information. “Can I go home?” There is a minute of silence before Hotch sighs, shaking his head. “But you said you arrested her, correct? Therefore I shouldn’t be in any immediate danger. I mean, it’s not like she has access to USPS delivery data from prison, right?” The more you speak, the faster you try to get up. You’re not thinking straight, and with all due reason– there is no power left in you to do this. There is no energy, no will, no strength to keep on going because it feels like you’re running in circle. 

Spencer notices it, too, and in what can only be interpreted as a daring attempt to calm you down, he let his hand rest on your shoulder for a second. It’s a subtle way to tell his team to go easy on you, almost like he’s having a full conversation with Hotch without opening his mouth. You, however, don’t catch it, and you continue to try and push yourself upright and away from them. You need to get away from them.

“So she has no clue who I am and I have nothing to do with this because I’m just a bookseller! And I just happened to sell Spencer some books and we’re just friends!”

A wave of shame downs on you when the words leave your mouth, like you are admitting to failure when  you haven’t even had the chance to try it to begin with. It’s like you deny Spencer’s presence in your life as a whole, like he has no significant place or role next to you, and you can’t seem to meet his eyes even when he starts speaking. “Y/N, I am so sorry,” The choked out sound that escapes him is the only thing that makes you look, makes you raise your eyes to meet his and you gasp when you notice he is holding back tears. “I’m so sorry, I thought she was gone, that she was not a threat anymore, I–“ 

“Reid,” JJ sighs, and you see something in her that makes you shift in your chair, a bit uncomfortable with the way his name sounds coming from her lips. “Reid, she’s going to be alright. We will get some officers to keep watch by her place, and we can file a request for protective detail during the day.” 

“You know as much as I do that none of that will help!” Spencer’s voice gets higher and louder with each word and his hands are back at it again, flying around the room in frustration. You have never seen him like that before, and it scares you more to see him scared than to hear that you might now be placed under protective custody. 

“Spence,” This time, when your voice wobbles in fear, it’s not because of him. “Spence, is it really bad?” 

When you were little, you used to refuse to admit your were scared. You’d use any other word– frustrated, spooked, uncomfortable– but you would never admit fear. Your dad always thought it was the cutest thing, though, because despite you puffing your chest out and crossing your little arms over your chest, the one thing that always gave you away was the way your lips wobbled. Right now, you feel like that little kid again, refusing to admit to how you really feel but giving it all out anyways. 

Spencer’s eyes read you like a book. You can feel the weight of them, moving across your face, taking in the lines and expressions you make without even realising. It’s like every part of you is a new chapter, telling him more and more of a story he is yet to finish, and with a sigh, sad and defeated, he nods. “It’s really bad, Y/N, I’m so sorry… this is all my fault. I should’ve been honest with you, I should’ve told you what I did and who I worked for and all that it brings with it.”

“No, Spencer, this is not your fault,” You breathe out, reaching for him in a moment of weakness. Your anger is still there, still simmering at the way that, in a sense, this is very much his fault, but you manage to rise through it when his nervous hands try to reach for you but fall nimble by his sides instead. “I mean, it kind of is, but it isn’t. And it’s okay. I’ll be okay. Right? I’ll be–“

“You’ll be just fine,” Hotch interrupts. His brows are slightly raised and from the way he looks at Spencer you think he knows something you don’t, but you’ve been feeling like that ever since you’ve stepped into that office. Everyone around you knows something you don’t– they know things about each other, about Spencer, that you simply don’t, and that you think you never will. Because after this– this betrayal, this hurt, this fear– you just don’t think you and Spencer can coexist anymore. You don’t think you can forget, as hard as you might try, the sight of him holding that gun to your head. So for now, you try to calm down. For now, all you can do is try to calm down. “Miss Y/L/N, we need to asses the situation, understand if you are in any kind of immediate danger. While our team works on this, we will ask that you relocate. Do you have relatives you can call? Friends?”

Technically, you do. Your parents live in New York and so do most of your friends– all it takes is one call. But that is one call you really don’t want to make. “I don’t want to leave my store,” Looking down at your hands, you wonder how easy it is for them to see right through you. “I just moved here. I know it might sound stupid, specially considering the… you know, this whole situation. But my life is here now and I would rather stay, if, if that’s okay, of course, I mean, you know… best.” God, you look so uncomfortable trying to stand up to his boss that the pity in Spencer’s face is almost palpable. “Please.”

“Hotch, she can stay with me.”

“Do we think that is a good idea?” JJ frowns, and you can’t help but nod, looking at Spencer as if he’s insane.

“I– That’s a very kind offer, but isn’t she after you?” You manage to ask, looking around for any clue their team might give you. These guys are professionals, though, and they know how to keep up their masks of indifference. 

“Yes and no,” He explains, sighing before crouching next to where you sit. “Y/N, this woman– Cat– she is psychology disturbed. She is what we call a black widow, do you know what that is?”

You nod, blushing a little with how close he is to you. “I uh, I read a book that the main character was a black widow. Butter, by Asako Yuzuki.” 

His smile makes you melt a little, and you hate how weak you are to the little windows of personality he allows you to see from time to time. “Yeah, I like that book too. But… this is real life. Cat Adams goes after cheaters, liars.” 

“Then why is she after you?” 

“Because I lied to her,” He admits, your eyes stuck on his expression and if you were anyone else, you wouldn’t have noticed the way his jaw ticks in response to what you can only assume to be anger. But you are not, anyone else, you are very much so yourself, an observer, a quiet listener, and it just so happens that your favourite person to observe and listen to is Spencer Reid himself. “I was our decoy to capture her and now she sees me a as a game. Almost like, like a game of wits, to see who’s smarter, to see who will win. Is this making sense, Y/N? Do you need a break?”

“I just, I don’t understand where I fit. I was just housesitting for you, I could’ve been a complete stranger.”

“Miss Y/L/N,” Hotch interrupted, leaning forward in such a somber way the hair on your arms stand up. “You have managed to get something she never did. Cat Adams is acting out in jealousy.”

“What did I get? I’m sorry, I don’t–“

“Me,” Spencer said, eyes piercing into yours. “You got me.” 

—————————————

By the time you make it back home, the moon is high and the roads are clear. It has been a while since you last got out of the house at the early hours of the morning. Fresh from the move and focused on your new store, making friends wasn’t at the top of your priority list when you landed, a year and something ago. Without someone to drag you out to bars or bribe you to go to clubs, you don’t really leave the house much at night, preferring the comfort of your own couch and the company of a book in the weekends. 

“You know,” For a second, you almost forget that he is right there behind you, and you jump a little when his voice echoes in your empty apartment. “You’ve been to my place so many times, but I never really even seen your apartment.” 

How do you tell him that there is not much to see, anyways? How do you tell Spencer that, in the time you’ve been here, the 365-plus-something days, you just never really thought about your apartment the same as your home? Your walls are empty, and it’s a little embarrassing, the way his brows shoot up when your turn on the lights. Besides your couch and a centre table, the place is almost empty. The TV stands on an old piece of furniture, a unit too dark and too classic to match with the rest of the things you have, and it’s a little too obvious that it came with the place and you were just too lazy to get rid of it. There is a singular throw pillow on the couch and a blanket, with a pile of books standing by the foot of it. But what really strikes him as odd, what really makes Spencer look around and make sure that yes, this is your apartment, is the fact that there are no shelves. There are no books, besides the four or five pilling up on the rug. 

“You know, for a book lover, you have… no books,” He mumbled, hands on his pocket as he offered you that smile you used to adore so much, but that now makes you a bit uneasy– tight lipped, never really reaching his eyes. “Why do you have no books?” 

“They are all downstairs,” You say, marching straight to your room to grab a backpack. “How many days do you think I’ll be staying with you?” 

“Honestly? Until we solve this.”

“…And how many days is that?”

From where he stands, he can’t see your sagged shoulders, trembling hands holding onto the blue backpack you had laying around the back of your wardrobe. “Pack for as long as you can,” He shouts from somewhere deep inside your place. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Too late for that,” You mumble to yourself, grabbing the closest items your found– a couple of shirts, sweaters, and jeans. After today, it’s not like you have much energy left to try and plan outfits ahead, so anything will do. 

It’s borderline funny, when you think about it… Just yesterday you were worried about what to wear, nervous hands sifting through your endless collection of sweaters to try and find just the right one for the day. Spencer visits you everyday, so everyday is a new day to impress him. You even start wearing makeup; a bit of mascara to make your eyes shine behind the glasses you refuse to wear, some blush to make the natural flush you get whenever he’s around seem more normal. It’s vain and futile, you know, but it makes you feel a tad more confident. A tad more… colourful. Like Penelope. “I think I’m ready,” You say once you’ve gathered all items you might need from the bathroom. “I’ll still be good to work, right?”

He nods, a smile on his face as if this is good news to him too. “Yes, we will have men stationed outside your store all day, so you don’t have to worry about anything while I’m away at the BAU. I’ll personally drop you off and pick you up myself.” His words don’t make you feel any more confident, hands fidgeting with the straps of your backpack. “Y/N, I promise, we will get to the bottom of this as fast as possible. This is temporary, and uh… I’d like to think that, you know, staying with me is not all that bad. You’ll get the bed and you are comfortable in my apartment, anyways, right? And, and! And we can have movie marathons and talk about books, cause I have a lot of books! You know that, of course you know that, you sold me half of them.” Clearing his throat when you just stare at him, you can see how Spencer is ranting. But you don’t mind the rant, actually; oddly enough, his nervous words are the one thing giving you a sense of normalcy right now. “Cat won’t come to you personally, if that helps. She is in federal prison, we’ve confirmed it yesterday, and anyone that comes in and out of your shop will be checked. Y/N, we– I’m not going to let anything happen to you, you need to trust me.”

“I do,” And you don’t mean to sound so sad, but you can’t help it. Right now, he’s the only person you can trust, and for you, that is one of the saddest things you’ve ever experience, because even though you know you need to pull away from him, that you need to put some distance between yourself and the man standing right in front of you, you just don’t trust yourself to be able to do it. “Anyways, can we go? I’m really tired, it’s been one hell of a day.” 

The walk over there drains the last bit of life you still have in you, foot dragging and tripping on the road, and you hate that this is how Spencer holds you for the first time– stopping you from falling on your face. “Sorry,” You mumble, following him once you’re on your feet again. The way his hands hover around you while you slowly make your way up the stairs of his apartment is adorable, and each and every time your heart skips a beat for him, it also breaks for yourself. You are digging your grave, and the worst part is that you don’t seem to care. You’re weak, you think to yourself, exhaling heavily when you finally walk inside the familiar apartment. 

You are so tired that you don’t really think about things too much, dragging yourself to the armchair you adore so much and sitting down. The way you kick your shoes off isn’t very polite, but you’ll worry about that tomorrow; for now, all you want is to shut your eyes and drift off to sleep, lulled by the muted green walls and the stories they told. While you slip into the hypnotic pull of a dreamless slumber, you can hear shuffling in the background, and later on, much later into the night, you don’t feel it, but Spencer covers you with your favourite blanket– the wool one his mother gifted him ages ago, the one you always leave tossed aside on his armchair. And you don’t see the way he smiles at you either, like he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders and doesn’t mind; not as long as you get to sleep as soundly as you are then. 

Actually, when it comes to Spencer, you are blind. To logic, yes, but to him, too. For someone as observant as yourself, it’s a little ridiculous how oblivious you are to the looks he send your way when you’re not paying attention. They linger, and he smiles in a way you’re yet to witness, but they are all for you. It’s the one bit of him that Spencer can give you, and you’re not even aware of it enough to take it and keep it safe. 

But maybe it’s better this way. Maybe it’s better to not have hopes. 

Sometimes, Spencer thinks, fixing your blanket so that it tucked under your chin just right when your curl into a small, defenceless ball of exhaustion, it’s better to never have loved, then to have loved and lost.

He would know. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

aaaahhhh this is really happening! it's now official: a muted shade of green is an active series :D sorry if it felt like it took so long for an update, I just don't have much time to write recently, but I'm working on it! hope you like it <3

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Protection Spell [Spencer x Reader]

Photo credits: Center Left (@thinkpink212) Center (@reidcoffeemoon) Rigth (@flowersforfrancis)

Prompt: The reader reflects on when she and Spencer found out they were pregnant with their first baby, a little girl, and the reader asks Spencer what he whispers to their child every morning when he gets up. 

Pairing: [established relationship] Spencer x BAU!reader, pregnant!reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns. 

Category: fluff/comfort 

Word Count: 2.7K 

Content Warnings: Pregnancy [reader], morning sickness, prayer {no deity named], lots of fluff. Let me know if I missed any. 

A/N: Hi loves! This is my first submission for @imagining-in-the-margins wonderful March and April Prompts. The Prompt I used was “The couple enjoys trying for a baby.” These are tropes/plots that I have never written for before so I hope you like it. I did some research on pregnancy but not a ton, so forgive me if some things are off. I love being challenged as a writer to try new things. I hope you like this little fluffy fic and that you are having a great start to your week!. This was really fun to write. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you’re having a great start to your week and thanks for reading. Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

_y/f/f_ = your favorite food 

At first, it was the best thing to happen in the world. And it was still the best thing in the world. The little baby girl growing in y/n’s belly over the months had not only brought her and Spencer unbridled joy but also brought the team together in a stronger way. The way everyone had come together to help y/n and Spencer ensured her that their baby would be the most looked after and safest baby in the whole world. How couldn’t she be if with the BAU and half the Quantico office knowing about her already? As y/n lay in bed next to Spencer who was still asleep, belly round in the largest size paternity pajamas that the store had, she reflected on when they’d first found out they were going to be parents. 

y/n and Spencer had been trying for some time now. They had been to the doctor multiple times about it, both getting checks on their sexual health. Both y/n and Spencer got an all-clear from the doctor, however, y/n’s OBGYN had told y/n that her stress level and anxiety might be factors that might be affecting their chances. But despite these issues, Spencer and y/n had continued trying. They always made love at the peak window for y/n in her cycle, as well as much much more than that. y/n loved Spencer so much as he did this. It never felt like a chore to either of them. It was a joy to even be trying. They’d had a difficult conversation and both agreed that they wanted a child and wanted to give it the best life possible. So that fateful morning when y/n walked out of the bathroom feeling sick and just trying a pregnancy test that they now seemed to stockpile, and she saw the two pink lines, y/n screamed with joy. Of course, Spencer hadn’t taken it that way. He rarely heard y/n scream, so he rushed into the bathroom expecting something bad, but instead, y/n was standing in the center of the bathroom holding something in her hand like it was the most precious thing she’d ever seen. He was confused. The tall agent walked over to y/n and asked, “y/n, what’s happening?” With a kind of happy dazed look, y/n opened her palm so Spencer could look over her shoulder and see the positive pregnancy test. As soon as Reid’s brain registered what was happening, he froze. Suddenly his brain which could work ten thousand miles an hour came to a standstill. In a half whisper, Spencer asked, “For real?” y/n felt the tears building in her eyes as she nodded her head yes. 

As soon as the non-verbal gesture was done, Spencer rushed forward and covered y/n in an embrace. He hugged her tightly and picked her up off of her feet as he placed his head in the crook of y/n’s neck. He just took in the wonderful woman in his arms, not even having the right words to tell her apart from that he loved her over and over again. The couple waited a few weeks to tell the team. They didn’t want to give anyone false hope. Not even themselves, though immediately they started talking about names and baby rooms and the crib They couldn’t help themselves. They started making a list of names but decided to wait till their baby was born to name them. When Reid and y/n were more sure, with the advice of the doctor that things looked good, they broke the news to the team. The members of the BAU responded with jubilation. Everyone had asked y/n how she was feeling and if she needed anything like she might break if she as much stepped down the stairs. y/n reassured them all that she was fine to work, just a bit more nauseous than normal. After everyone had calmed down and y/n and Spencer had reassured them all that they would keep them updated, things went as back to normal as possible when a member of the team announced they were pregnant. 

Later that day, Aaron pulled y/n aside in his office for a little talk. For whatever reason y/n was a little nervous, but she did not need to be. Hotch asked her to sit, and she did. Aaron moved behind her to his desk and sat down as well. He had a small smile on his face and he started by saying, “Congratulations, y/n. I’m so happy for you and Spencer.” y/n blushed and replied, “Thanks Hotch. It means a lot to us.” Aaron nodded and then continued, “I want you to know that I’m not going to baby you. I’m going to let you do your job here, but I need you to tell me if you need a break. For anything. If you’re sick or just need a minute, I fully understand. You just need to let me or Rossi or anyone on the team know.” y/n nodded appreciatively that he wasn’t treating her like glass, but that he also understood that she was going to need time and space sometimes too. y/n had rarely seen Aaron like this, to take this tone. She assumed it was from his experience with Haley and Jack. He’d pretty much seen it all with that pregnancy. Of course, y/n was aware that all pregnancies were different, but it was nice to know someone who had seen this before with a job like theirs. Of course, Aaron didn’t give birth to Jack, but he was as attached to Haley as he could be when she was pregnant with Hotch’s son. Aaron broke the peaceful silence and concluded, “Obviously, when things progress I want you to be as safe as possible. We all will, so when that time comes, you, Spencer, and I can have a conversation, okay?” y/n nodded and Aaron couldn’t help himself from asking, “So, how are you feeling? Everything okay?” At the honest question, y/n’s face broke out into a huge smile and she said, “I’m happy Hotch. We’ve wanted this for so long, and it’s finally happening. Sometimes I don’t even know what to think.” Hotch nodded and said, “Well take your time, there will be plenty of that before it’s all over.” 

Aaron had been right. There was a shocking amount of time, and yet it seemed to fly by at the same time. All the things had happened mostly normal. Spencer and y/n had found out the sex of their baby girl at twenty weeks, then there were the more constant checkups and ultrasounds. y/n had raised blood pressure and bad morning sickness. Later The BAU ladies and some of y/n’s friends had held her a baby shower early just in case a case popped up. Then there were the more obvious signs of pregnancy like her belly swelling and the first kicks of the baby that nearly had y/n in tears. As great as being a new mother seemed, and as excited as y/n was, it was still hard. As her baby and body accommodated to the changes happening, y/n found it harder to move and her emotions started to play up more than normal. Like the first few days before a period but all the damn time. 

Hotch had slowly been phasing y/n off the active team and keeping y/n more and more in the precincts and sites that didn’t have any imminent danger on cases. By the third trimester, Spencer had encouraged her to take a full-time roll back in Quantico until their baby girl came. Aaron had agreed with Reid and said he’d approve the paperwork for the temporary shift in roles. After a few conversations with Spencer, y/n agreed. The stress on the field, even if she wasn’t on on a case, could still be bad for her or the baby, and she didn’t want to risk it. This was fine for a bit until y/n got bored silly with the work and wanted back on the field. The only thing that saved her was Garcia sharing her lunch breaks and telling her all kinds of amazing stories that y/n was certain were made up. 

By the middle of the third trimester y/n was ready to step back as things were hurting her more, and she had the instinctual desire to nest and to make their home ready for the delivery of her and Spencer’s baby. y/n asked for the last month off and Aaron granted the time. It was on the first day of y/n’s rest and preparation period that the crib came in. It had been a conversation y/n and Spencer had had time and time again about what model looked most comfortable and safe. Which was the best for the money they had. So when a delivery man came to the front door with a large, heavy package, both y/n and Reid were baffled. Spencer signed for the delivery and the man moved the package inside the living room. y/n and Reid moved toward the package and Spencer grabbed a pair of scissors and carefully opened the top of the package. Nestled inside with a lot of newspaper and other protective material was a dark crib that clearly been handmade. It shone with a dark stain and at the top was a letter in a cream colored envelope. Reid pulled out the letter and opened it up. He already had an idea about who it was from, but the carefully crafted note that brought small tears to his eyes told y/n what she needed to know. After Spencer had taken a few minutes to read and reread the letter, he handed it over to y/n. She took it with trembling hands and read the contents: 

Spencer, y/n, 

I might have heard through the grapevine, or a very communicative and persistent technical analyst, that you were expecting someone special soon. I’m sorry I can’t be there to support you more practically right now, but the road calls, and I must follow. I hope you find this gift useful. I miss you both and I wish you all the luck in the world. I know you will both be the best parents. Please let me know when my Godparent duties begin. All my love, 

Gideon. 

y/n had the same emotional response as Spencer, and they embraced and spent a good part of the day deciding where it would go in the baby's room. 

At this stage in the pregnancy timeline, y/n was very dependent on Spencer but also felt the need to make everything ready. Their baby was due in a little under two weeks, and y/n could be found sometimes scrubbing the floors and counters, as well as going through her hospital bag again and again and again, even though Spencer had helped her pack it with her most comfortable clothes and supplies she would need for the day of the delivery. y/n had spent hours over this period talking about what she would want to eat after she gave birth and how her favorite _y/f/f_ would taste so, so good. Their normal routine now, when Spencer was home, was that he’d wake up and make her breakfast, then help her with things in the bathroom. Often y/n woke and Spencer would have his hands on her belly feeling for kicks from their baby girl, and more often now, he would be hunched over and talking to their baby quietly, like they were sharing some secret conversation just between the two of them. Spencer had read every book he could get his hands on about parenting and pregnancy. After a while, y/n had called for a ban on buying new books and reminded Reid that he had his public library card and access to databases from all of his prior universities. Spencer had known about talking to babies in the womb, and he’d questioned the science behind it, but as y/n had needed to spend more time in bed in the mornings, she’d find him talking to her belly, and she found it very cute. Even though she did wonder what he was saying. 

This morning, y/n woke before Spence who was sleeping soundly beside her as the baby gave a few sharp kicks to y/n’s side. y/n placed her hands on her side and said softly, “I know baby. I’m just as excited to meet you too. It going to be a big day when you come, sweetheart.” y/n lay back and considered turning on her side but didn’t. y/n did move her hand up to Spencer’s curly hair and threaded her fingers through his locks. Spencer naturally turned on his side toward her. After a few more minutes of slumber, Spence lazily opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw y/n and he sat up with a stretch. “How was your sleep, sweetheart?” y/n smiled over at him and replied, “I’m good. I had to get up a few times to use the bathroom, but I slept well. I had a dream I was on the field again, but I was this far along. It’s safe to say I wasn’t very useful.” Reid chuckled and said, “Well I’m glad you slept well.” Spencer leaned over and kissed her softly on the mouth and said, “Let me just say good morning to our baby girl and I’ll get you your breakfast in bed today, love.” y/n smiled and nodded as Spencer leaned over and kissed her tummy, running his hands over it before he leaned over and softly, almost inaudibly spoke to their baby. This procedure happened every morning. y/n assumed it happened even when she was still asleep and Spencer went in early. y/n’s hands found their way back into Reid’s soft locks which she massaged gently. Spencer’s eyes flickered up to hers and then back to his task. When he finished, Spencer looked up and y/n had to ask, “What do you say to her every morning?” 

Spencer's smile brightened and said, “Promise me you won’t think it’s silly?” y.n cocked her head and said, “Of course not Spence.” His response made y/n wonder what he was going to say even more. Reid let out a little chuckle and said, “Well, I start by telling her good morning. And then I tell her how excited we are to meet her. Most times I count down the days till she’ll come so she learns her numbers.” y/n nodded along and then Spencer said, “And I also pray to every goddess of pregnancy and fertility I know for a safe delivery and good day that she’s born. Just asking for some help when I get very stressed out on the day of.” At this admission, y/n quicked an eyebrow. She didn’t laugh, she thought it was cute, but not much in Spence’s character. y/n ran her hand over Reid’s sharp jaw and asked, “You never came across as much of a religious person Spencer? Is this something new?” Spencer sheepishly looked at y/n and said, “Well, I don’t know if I believe my prayers are reaching anyone I’m asking for help. But, I’ve learned as much as I can about what’s coming, but that doesn’t mean I know what’s coming. I suppose I can’t predict everything, and having some extra help, even if it’s a placebo can’t hurt. Think of it like a little protection spell. You and our baby girl are the most important thing in the world for me. And I’ll do anything, anything to keep you safe. Even participating in a bit of superstition to make sure it happens.” y/n smiled warmly and pulled Reid into a hug, burying her face into his chest. y/n knew that Spencer was going to be the best father ever. They had a team behind them ready to support them. But as y/n took in just how special Spencer was to her and their baby, she sent up a little prayer of her own for anyone who would listen, thanking the universe for bringing them together. 

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[illdowhatiwantthanks]

The Corn Cob (The Surprise, Part 14)

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: explicit language, discussion of AFAB body parts, pregnancy times, blood, medical/miscarriage scare, invasive medical exams (hello, again, Pap smear), vague references to past abuse, happy ending Word count: 2.4k

Summary: When you find blood in your underwear, you panic. Emily races to you, both working against time to make sure the baby is okay.

Week 24: The Corn Cob

You’d thought it was going to be a normal day, a good day even. It was Friday. Emily wasn’t in the field. She’d even promised to be home on time. You’d just returned from the grocery store with ingredients to cook dinner, when you had to run to the bathroom. You were always running to the bathroom these days. Little corn cob didn’t leave a whole lot of room for your bladder.

But when you pulled down your pants, a flash of red made your stomach drop. You sat down heavily on the toilet, head reeling. You felt like you might be sick. You’d had cramps today, but that wasn’t unusual. It wasn’t supposed to be unusual. But the blood? This was way too much blood to be spotting. You looked down at your stomach, placing your hands on either side, and hoping, praying, with everything you had in you, that the little one was okay. But you hadn’t felt her kick all day. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

Your breath was caught in your throat, and you couldn’t seem to pull it in. You pressed your hands to your face and noticed that you were crying, that your hands were shaking. You didn’t think you’d ever been so scared, so helpless.

You pulled out your phone, letting out a sob as your home screen came to life–one of the sonogram photos of the baby’s blurry little face. It was dialing, and suddenly you were even more scared to tell Emily. What if you had lost the baby? You didn’t think you’d ever forgive yourself if you lost her. How would Emily?

“Hi, honey!” Her voice was so bright, so happy. You felt paralyzed with fear.

You sucked in a shaky breath, and Emily’s tone changed immediately.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“Emily, I’m bleeding!” you gasped, tears streaming down your face as you wrapped your arms around your baby bump.

“What!?”

You could hear her voice shift, could hear movement, and you knew she was coming. You felt the wave of panic subside just a little. Not much, but a little. Emily was coming. She was on her way. You needed her, and she was coming.

“What do you mean bleeding?!” she asked, frantic. “Bleeding where!?”

“Out my vagina!” you cried, sucking in big gulps of air that didn’t seem to ever get to your lungs. You felt lightheaded.

“Okay,” she said, and you could tell she was trying her best to stay calm, even as her voice shook, even as you knew she had to be panicking herself. “Okay. Honey? I need you to hang up and call Dr. Delgado.”

“I’m scared, Em…” Your voice was high and desperate, and tears dripped from your face.

Her voice changed again, and you heard the ambient noise of traffic. She would be here soon. She was coming. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. Alright? I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But I need you to call Dr. Delgado. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.” You nodded, even though she couldn’t see you.

“Okay. That’s good, honey. You’re doing great. Now you hang up and you call her. And then you can call me back right after, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you,” Emily added. And it was only then that you could really hear the fear in her voice, the absolute terror.

“I love you, too,” you told her, trying to stop a fresh wave of tears.

All the panic Emily’s voice had kept at bay came flooding back in after she hung up, and your fingers were shaky as you scrolled through your contacts to find Dr. Delgado.

The conversation was quick, no-nonsense. Just questions and answers. But as soon as Dr. Delgado determined that the bleeding wasn’t light, she got serious.

“Y/N, you need to go to the emergency room as soon as possible,” she told you.

“Is this…” You gulped. “Am I miscarrying?” You were afraid to ask, afraid to hear the answer.

“It’s rare in the second trimester, but I can’t say for sure. It’s imperative for you to get to the hospital as soon as you can.”

“Okay. I will.” You were suddenly even more scared than you’d been before.

“Give me a call once you’ve been seen,” she told you.

“Thanks, Dr. Delgado.”

Trying to pull yourself together, you got up, running to your closet for a new pair of underwear, adhering so many pads to it that you might as well have been wearing a diaper. You rang Emily on speakerphone, and she picked up immediately.

“What’d she say?!”

“I need to go to the hospital,” you told her, stumbling as you pulled on a pair of maternity leggings.

Emily exhaled shakily. “Alright,” she said. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Meet me in the parking lot. Are you okay? Can you make it down there?”

“Mmhm.” You sniffed. “How’d you get here so fast?!”

“I took a Bureau SUV. Morgan’s driving. We’ve got the lights and sirens going.”

“Please hurry,” you said, quiet and scared, locking the door behind you and sprinting to the elevator.

“I’m coming, baby. Just a little bit longer. It’s gonna be okay.”

Emily quite literally leapt out of the passenger side of the SUV as it screeched into the parking lot. Her eyes were wide and alarmed as she ran to you, nearly tackling you in a hug. You were so relieved to see her you thought your knees might buckle under you. Seeing her triggered a fresh wave of tears, and she cupped your face, wiping them away.

“It’s alright, honey. I’m here.” She led you to the back of the SUV, never letting go of your arm, never removing her hand from your back where she held you steady. Then, slamming the door, she sprinted to the other side, jumping in the backseat with you.

“Drive,” she told Morgan.

“Jesus Christ, Derek!” you exclaimed, as you peeled out of the parking lot and onto the road, swerving and moving at speeds that would be illegal in any other situation.

“Sorry, mama,” he called back. “Gotta get you to the hospital.”

“Just close your eyes, honey,” Emily said, kissing the side of your head, and pulling you protectively into her.

Emily scanned you up and down, one of her hands resting on your baby bump. You were trying very hard to keep from crying.

“Are you in pain?” she asked quietly.

You shook your head, blinking back tears. “Cramps, but I didn’t think anything of it. I should’ve known something was wrong. I just– I thought she was sleepy today. I haven’t felt her move. God, I’m so stupid! What if she’s–” You sucked in a shaky breath.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Emily said, placing her hands on either side of your face. “You’re spiraling. We don’t know that anything’s wrong. Let’s not worry until we have to.”

But she was worried, too. You could tell. Your eyes were swimming. “I’m so scared, Em,” you squeaked.

“Me too,” she sighed, pressing her forehead to yours.

At the ER, you thought Emily might actually assault a health professional to get you seen faster. Your anxiety came out in tears. Emily’s anxiety came out in her being absolutely, terrifyingly authoritative. You kept tugging on her sleeve, hissing, “Em, don’t be mean! They’re just doing their jobs!”

But you had to hand it to her. She got shit done. You were in an OBGYN exam room with a doctor–”A doctor, not a nurse!” Emily insisted–within fifteen minutes of your arrival. Which, in your experience, was nearly unheard of.

The doctor sat and rolled over to the exam table. You sat, holding Emily’s hand tightly, already in the hospital gown one of the nurses had given. “Thank you so much,” you’d said, trying to make up for Emily’s brashness. He held a clipboard, reading the scribbled intake notes the nurse had taken.

“Alright, Ms… Y/L/N?”

You nodded.

“I’m Dr. Booker. I see you’ve had some vaginal bleeding today. Would you classify it as a lot or a little?”

“A lot,” you replied, voice shaky.

“Okay,” he nodded. “Any pain, nausea, fever?”

“Umm, just some cramps. Nothing really bad.”

He scribbled a bit more.

“Okay.” He set the clipboard down and slapped his hands on his thighs, rolling even closer to you. “Mind if I take a look?”

You gulped and nodded, tears threatening at your eyes again, as you watched him roll to the nearby cabinets and pull out a speculum. Emily squeezed your hand, watching you sympathetically. She knew that you did, in fact, mind if he took a look. This was your worst nightmare as far as doctor visits went. Not only did someone have to touch you, look at you, shove something inside of you, but it was a man. And you hadn’t had any time at all to emotionally prepare.

You trembled. Emily pressed her lips to your ear as the doctor pulled on gloves. “Do you want me to ask for a woman?” She was so quiet you could barely hear her.

You shook your head, staring hard at the ceiling. “I just want to know what’s wrong,” you whispered. “As fast as possible.”

She kissed your forehead, smoothing your hair as you lay back. You breathed deeply, trying to prepare yourself for the cold metal, the pressure, the feeling of being violated that somehow never went away, no matter how many times you had to do this stupid examination. But this time, it was for your baby. And you would do anything, anything at all, to protect your child.

So you braced yourself against the speculum, sucking in a shaky breath as the doctor forced it inside of you, seemingly oblivious to the ordeal he was facilitating. Emily held your hand tight in one of hers, the other gently rubbing the side of your face, catching any tears that fell.

She hated this. She hated this for you. But she loved you so deeply, so desperately for being so brave. She’d always known that you were the one for her, had known from the very beginning, but she knew even more now, in this moment, that she couldn’t have found a better person to have a child with. You were mothering, she realized. Right now, on this exam table, choking back tears, trying hard not to write away from the doctor’s hands inside of you. You were being the baby’s mom. And she loved you so much for it.

“Ah!” the doctor exclaimed, rolling away for a moment and leaving the speculum inside you. You felt your heart drop. You couldn’t breathe as you waited for him to roll back, to finish his thought. Emily’s leg bounced so fast and so hard that the sound seemed to take over the whole room.

The doctor rolled back with a petri dish, and you flinched as he reached back inside you. You felt a pinch and gasped, then grimaced as the doctor placed a small stalk of tissue into the petri dish and shut the lid.

“Cervical polyp,” he said. “Nothing to worry about. The little buggers just bleed a lot.”

“Oh, thank god.” Emily let out a shaky sigh, bending forward and pressing her hand over her mouth.

“So the baby’s okay?” you asked, terrified to hear the answer.

“Healthy as a horse,” he nodded. “I can do an ultrasound if it’ll make you feel better.”

You both nodded vigorously.

“What about Y/N?” Emily pressed. “Is she okay? What is a… cervical polyp?”

He waved her off. “She’s completely fine. Cervical polyps are just irregular growths. Very common. Almost always benign.”

“Almost!?” Emily exclaimed, sitting up rail straight, eyebrows furrowed.

“We’ll send it off for testing just to be sure, but 99% of them are benign.”

Your body shook with relief, but you couldn’t quite let the anxiety go. Not until you’d seen the baby.

Emily bit her nails as the doctor squirted the gel on your belly, rubbing the wand over your baby bump.

You let out a relieved sob as the baby’s head came into view, and Emily planted kiss after kiss on your cheek. The sound of the heartbeat filled the room, and you and Emily pressed your heads together, both weepy, both more relieved than perhaps you’d ever been.

“All’s well, ladies,” he said, removing his gloves and handing you a paper towel to wipe off the gel. “It’s been a pleasure. A nurse will bring your discharge papers by. You might experience some cramping, and the bleeding won’t stop right away. But it should slow and stop within the next 24 hours.”

“Thank you so much,” Emily said, rising to shake his hand. She was all charm now that you and the baby were okay.

But, even still, she did not let her hands leave you even once as you walked into the waiting room, Derek wrapping his wide arms around both of you.

“I’m not gonna lie, mama, you had me worried,” he said, squeezing your hand. He left to get the car, and you and Emily made your way outside to wait for him.

“Jesus Christ,” Emily mumbled shakily, her arm around your waist to steady you. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.”

You frowned at her. “You’ve literally been held hostage. You had to fake your own death.”

“Uh-huh,” she said, pulling you into her chest and resting her chin on your head. “And the thought of losing you or the little guy is way worse than either of those things.”

Emily held your face between her hands and pressed a kiss to your forehead before melding her lips with yours. You sighed into her, the anxiety and panic of the day rolling off of you.

You jumped at the sound of a car horn. Derek smirked, rolling down the window. “I swear, you two can’t go two minutes without being all over each other.”

You blushed, and Emily flipped him off, but you were both loose and happy with relief. You let Emily wrap you in her arms in the backseat, knowing that she’d need that for a while–to hold you close, protectively, to reassure herself that you were safe.

You knew you’d get home and lay down and she’d get you your heating pad, and then she’d pull your head into her chest, lace her legs with yours. And you’d feel like nothing bad in the world could touch you, not in Emily’s arms.

[propertyofemilyprentiss]

“Home”

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x female!reader

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Summary: While working on a case, the memories of your past came flooding in, and Emily was there to comfort you in the aftermath.

TWs: violence, guns, mentions of abuse, childhood trauma

Word count: 3.1K

It has been a horrible couple of days, to say the least, and you hated when this happened - when a case hit a little way too close to home. Sure, you’ve learned to compartmentalize pretty well in those 2 years you had been working for the BAU, but this time it was different.

You couldn't shake the image out of your mind, the look on that boy’s face who managed to murder -execution style- three happy families before you caught him on his 4th one. The fear, the pain, the desperation - the eyes always tell the unspoken stories. It was almost like he was pleading you to get to him before he could destroy another family.

—

“Let me talk to him”, you told Hotch on the phone while you were riding with Emily to the house, “I know I can get him to surrender before he hurts them”.

Of course, Hotch knew your background and he checked up on you multiple times during the case - which you were grateful for, even though you didn’t actually like the extra attention that was obviously visible to the rest of the team. In addition, you also hated that they knew, on some level, that your background couldn’t have been a lot more different than the unsub’s.

Emily, who was glancing at you from time to time, fought really hard with herself to say nothing at your request. It was not her place to make that decision, even though her mind was screaming at her to say no, or to say something at all.

Also, you were too stubborn (or determined, as you liked to call it) to be talked out of this. She knew, but that didn't make her heart race any less.

”And I need to do it alone-“, you added but were immediately interrupted this time.

“Absolutely not!”, she almost yelled at your crazy request.

It felt like suicide, walking alone into a house where the murderer would not hesitate to shoot her - he proved that many times with the other families.

”Emily-“

”y/n”, you heard your name coming from the phone this time, “I know you see him different than we do-“

”I don't see him any different, I just know that if we all go into the house he’ll feel too threatened to even have a chance to cooperate. His instincts will kick in and then he will for sure not hesitate to use his gun. If I go alone, he won’t perceive me as a threat, and I'll have the chance to talk to him, whilst you can have my back from the outside”, you were determined to do this and you knew you had a good point of view.

There was pure silence for a few seconds.

”If at any point you feel like he won't cooperate, we’ll be coming in”, Hotch told you.

”Thank you”, you said, but you couldn't bear to look at Emily, you knew exactly the look that she was giving you right now.

You noticed her tensed greep on the steering wheel, how her knuckles were almost white and you knew deep down that she just wants you to be safe. But this was not her battle to fight, unfortunately. It was yours.

—

As you stepped into the house, you heard a terrifying scream coming from the living room, followed by the sound of a gun. You knew you only had a few minutes before the room would go completely silent forever.

With your gun in your hand, you rushed there as fast as you could.

”Danny Brant, my name is y/n y/l/n and I’m from the FBI”, you quickly scanned the room then, noticing how the husband was laying on the floor, being the one who was shot - you figured- but not deadly, and the wife was standing frozen next to him while the unsub had their little boy, who was just 6 years old from what Garcia told you.

“Stop! Don’t come any closer or I'm gonna shoot him!”, he yelled, but you noticed his hand trembling on the gun that was pointed to the kid's head.

”Oh my god!”, you heard the mom sobbing, “please don't do this!”.

However, he didn't even look at her, his whole attention was on you and the weapon that was pointing at him.

”You’re not, Danny , we both know that you don't want to hurt him. You’re just trying to get rid of all the pain that lies within yourself right now, but this is not the solution”, you looked at him, almost as desperately as he was looking at you, hoping that he would understand, “you can still fix this, just let me help you”.

”You want to help me?”, he scoffed, “don’t pretend like you’re any different from the others, you don't care about me, you don’t understand-“

”But I do”, you took a deep breath, lowering your gun and putting it on the floor. There was no going backwards now. “I understand, the world didn't treat you with the kindness that it treats other people and it hurts. Your parents didn't give you the unconditional love that every child deserves and it hurts even more. You suffered alone through the abuse, through years of not hearing “I love you” not even once, and you wondered what was wrong with you all this time. You tried anything in your power to make them proud, to make them smile when they were looking at you, despite the fact that you were their punching bag every single day, and nothing worked. So the pain turned into anger until you couldn't control it anymore - it controlled you. I understand”, your voice almost cracked, but you knew you were getting through him.

Hope filled your chest as you continued.

”You turned your anger towards happy homes, towards the things that life did not give you, but it gave to others, because it's not fair, is it?”

”Why not me?”, tears pricked his eyes, but for once in his life, he finally felt understood - although he was not ready to let go yet.

”I asked myself the same question many times, Danny, and I still don't know the answer. But what I can tell you is that inflicting your pain on others will not make yours go away. What you already did cannot be undone, but you can still make the right decision here. Please, let the little boy go”, you pleaded, knowing that this was his only chance before the team would have to intervene.

Immediately, he just started crying, loosening his grip on the kid and putting the gun on the floor. No words were spoken, he just watched as you approached him with the cuffs in your hands, then glanced to the mother who was hugging her son like her life depended on it and ultimately to all the other agents that were entering the house

“I'm so sorry”, was all he said before you handed him to another police officer.

You hurried to get out of the house, not being able to stay there even for a few more seconds. Everyone worriedly looked at you as you passed through them - you knew they heard everything, but you were too exhausted to feel anything. You just wanted to rot in your hotel room for the rest of the night, for once being grateful that you weren’t leaving until the next day.

Only when you were finally outside, you felt like you could breathe again.

You went back to the hotel before anyone else.

—

You’ve lost count of how many times the scene played in your head, and each time, your chest felt a little bit heavier than before. You couldn't arrange the thoughts in your head, you couldn't do anything more than just breathe.

This wasn't like you, it wasn't supposed to get to you this much, especially after experiencing cases that were much more disturbing than this one. But it still did, and you hated it.

Hated how weak you felt.

The wound you tried so meticulously to heal over time reopened in a matter of days, but this wasn't even your main concern. You just wanted to show your team that you were just as capable to do your job as everyone else, but was the cost worth it?

Your thoughts were interrupted by a sudden knock on the door and you already knew who it was. You don't even know how much time has passed from the moment you left the scene until now, to you it felt like hours. And for the first time in those days, getting out of bed didn't feel like a chore anymore.

“Emily-”

”y/n”, you both spoke at the same time.

You saw the concerned look on her face and you wished you could make it go away. Wished that you didn’t have to carry so much pain within yourself, that you couldn’t even talk about it with the person you love the most.

She immediately hugged you and you melted in her embrace. With her arms around you, it was the only time your mind was quiet.

“Look at me”, she gently said, lifting your chin to look into your glossy eyes, ”Oh, my sweet angel. I know you’re not okay, and if you want to talk about it, I’m here. Always. I love you. You don't have to be alone in this”.

But it's all you’ve known in your entire life. You have always been careful about what you let out about yourself to others, too scared of confessing your struggles to the few people who actually cared and loved you, thinking that they would leave.

Because who would want to love the mess of a person you were?

“y/n?”

Shit, you’ve been silent for too long.

“Can we j-just, uhm, lay in bed for a while?”, your voice came out more of a whisper, fearing that you would break down right then and there if you actually spoke out loud.

”Of course, come here”, Emily took your hand in hers and guided you right back to where you were a few minutes ago.

Instinctively, you laid your head on her chest as she was holding you, taking in the scent of her perfume. You smiled - it was your favorite.

It was silent for a while, which you were grateful for. Emily never pushed you into doing anything you weren't ready to do. But it suddenly became too much - the comfort of her hand caressing through your hair, the dozens of kisses that she was leaving wherever she could - the top of your head, your forehead, your hand that she was holding into hers - the sweet, encouraging words that she was whispering to you with the most loving tone you’ve ever heard in your life, the tears that threatened to form from the beginning of the day managed to betray you and escape this time.

From that moment, it was too late to stop them. So you cried. You let the tears carry away the pain, the emotions that you’ve bottled up these past few days, the feeling of failure and the struggles that you’ve carried on your shoulders all your life.

And Emily was there, just as she promised, holding you, soothing you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as your tears fell on her chest until you had no more left.

“I’m sorry”, was all that you were able to say.

“Sweetheart, you have nothing to apologize for”, she said, lifting you for a bit so that your eyes would meet.

There was nothing but sincerity in them.

”But I have, Em. I've ruined your shirt, I worried you all day, we've barely spoken since we got here about anything that didn't include the case and I’m so, so sorry”, your body fell back into her embrace, a part of you clinging to her in the desperation of not wanting her to leave.

”Angel, I don't care about the shirt, it will dry eventually. I care about you. So about the rest - yes, I’ve been worried, because I love you and I want to help you. You’re not alone, even if your mind is telling you that”, she sighed, rubbing circles on your back, “I wish I could take your pain away and only see that beautiful smile of yours, but life isn't that easy. So you never have to apologize for something that was never in your control, okay?”

You exhaled sharply, not even acknowledging that you were not breathing in the first place. She was right, of course she was, but apologizing was all you’ve ever known. And you wanted nothing more than to let her through your walls, but that was not something you’ve ever done with anyone.

You have always been alone.

“I love you too, Em”, you said, looking down at your intertwined hands, “I just don't know how to do this…where do I even start?”

”How about you tell me what’s on your mind right now?”

You sighed again, a chuckle coming from your mouth. At least you don’t have to tell everything, thanks to your conversation with the unsub.

“I guess I’ve never been good at letting things go. I mean, it was a long time ago. It technically doesn't matter anymore. And yet, I cannot let it go, a part of me always knew that, but I had buried it deep enough to not affect me until, well, now”.

You took a deep breath again before continuing, holding slightly tighter onto Emily.

”You know why I wanted to go in that house alone today?”, you asked, wanting to make her understand, “He's 18, the same age I was when I was finally able to move out of my parent's house. I applied to universities that were far away from where I lived and managed to get a good scholarship in the process. I've never talked to them since”, a single tear runs down your cheek as you speak, the sorrowful feeling of recalling those unwanted memories hovering over you, “I wanted to give him the opportunity to have his own life, away from his family, even if that meant in jail”.

”But that anger, I understood it. The anger of having to spend my life recovering from things that I should have been protected from. The anger of losing the carefree, happy child that I once was and being forced to grow up, to take care of myself on my own”, you spoke with the suffering that you endured, and Emily's heart broke.

She knew you weren't done, but she already hated your parents for everything they’ve done to you. But she didn’t say a word, instead she took your hand to her lips, while she used the other to hold you tight.

”And there was also the confusion, you know? Why wasn’t I ever enough, why couldn't I gain their love no matter how much I’ve tried. Sometimes I would lay awake late at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if I was doomed from the moment I was born or if I was at least loved when I was too little to remember it”, your voice cracked at the end, the too familiar ache in your chest consuming you once again, “Am I so hard to be loved?”

”No. y/n, look at me”, Emily said in an instant, cupping your chin for you to look into her eyes, “I absolutely despise them for putting you through this, for making you question your worth, because, my angel, loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, you hear me? I love everything about you, from your perfect eyes that I get lost into every time I look at you, to your beautiful, contagious smile that lights up the room and which makes my day go from 0 to 100 in a split second”, she immediately noticed the faint smile on your face, and her chest blossomed with love.

“But it doesn't stop here. I love how whenever we spend time at each other’s places, you always wake up a little bit earlier than me in order to make coffee, even though you hate waking up early. I love how your eyes spark with happiness whenever one of your favorite songs comes on the radio and how you immediately start singing it to me. I love watching the stars with you from my bedroom. I love the fact that I get to know the soft side of you which you never show around the others. I love every movie we watch from the start simply because you’re next to me. I love slow dancing in the living room with you even if you always say you're a terrible dancer”, she laughs at the memories of those amazing days that she wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

”Em, I am a terrible dancer”, you giggled with her, a new set of tears appearing.

But these ones weren't carrying the agony of your horrible past, but the comfort and gratitude towards the woman that turned your life around and showed you the definition of love.

”You're not!”, she exclaimed, wiping your tears away, “But this was not the point here. The point is, you’re not hard to love, not at all, not to me. And I’m so sorry that your parents couldn't see what an amazing daughter they had, but ultimately it’s their loss. I know it hurts you nonetheless, but you’re so strong angel, and I’ve always admired that about you. You’ll carry those memories of everything that happened for the rest of your life, but it's still going to be okay. And whenever it doesn’t feel like it, I’ll be there to remind you”, she placed a kiss on your forehead, hoping you understood that you’re not alone - not anymore.

You didn't know what to say, the shock of someone understanding your pain, your past, and still loving you put you at a loss of words. You slowly got up from her embrace and kissed her, softly and gently, with the weight of a thousand unspoken words.

Pulling back, you looked at her hopeful smile, her glistening eyes, and you wondered how you got so lucky to be able to call her your girlfriend.

“Thank you, Em”, you genuinely smiled, “Thank you for finding me worthy of love, despite the mess that I am”.

“y/n, we’re all a mess in our own ways. But thank you for letting me see yours, because it only made me love you more”.

You placed a tended kiss on her lips once more before melting into her embrace once again, exhaustion filling your body.

And right there, in her arms, with your head on her chest, listening to her beating heart, you’ve never felt safer.

You knew then - you have found your home.

[hotchscoffeecup]

savoring the moment

summary: it’s hotch’s first case back after recovering from being attacked. he returns home to find you caught in the throes of a panic attack. he guides you through it and takes care of you afterwards.

rating: t to be safe

tags: panic attack, hyperventilating, crying, minor blood, implied sex (at the very end), scars

word count: 2.3k

pairing: hotch x reader

the idea to have reader having a panic attack and being comforted by hotch was submitted to me anonymously. thank you for the request! and as a reminder, my fic requests are open!

Pulling your knees against your chest, you wrap your arms around them and rest your forehead against your knees.

“He’s okay,” you tell yourself, repeating it like a mantra. “He’s okay. He’s okay.”

Rain patters against the windowpane and you try to focus on the sound, trying to let it ground you back to reality and failing to do so as the pounding of your own heart threatens to drown out the sound of everything else around you.

These are the early onset symptoms of a panic attack and you know it’s only a matter of time until it hits you with the full force of a storm like the one that’s raging outside. They’d been far and few between lately, but this was his first case back in the field since he’d been attacked and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen. You know the risks, and you know he’s capable of keeping himself safe. The team always has each other’s backs and they’ll do anything to keep one another safe. Why hasn’t he called?

You take in a shuddering breath and exhale it just as shakily. Your hands tremble as you swipe them through your hair.

Water. Maybe a glass of water will help. You slide out of bed and stand. The blood rushes to your head, which causes you to waver on the spot.

“He’s okay,” you whisper to yourself. You clench the hem of your sweater, rubbing the fibers between your fingers. “Five things I can see,” you whisper to yourself as you move towards the bathroom. As you reach for the empty glass on the bathroom counter, you take a shaky breath and speak on the exhale. “Counter, cup, mirror,” your eyes flick up and meet yours, the purple rings under them more like bruises. “Myself, sink.”

You take another breath and try to keep moving through the exercise that your therapist taught you. Twisting the knob on the faucet, you place the glass underneath and watch it fill. “Four…four things I can hear.” You struggle to turn the water off for the shaking in your hands. “Rain, the air conditioner…” you pause and try to strain your ears, failing to pick up on any other distinct noises. That’s when you become aware of your racing heartbeat again. It’s so fast; slamming up against your ribcage. You envision the organ bursting free of your chest and your hands start to shake so violently that you drop the glass. It shatters against the bathroom tile and you gasp, cursing as you kneel down to pick up the pieces.

You try to be careful, but your hand slips and a shard of glass slices into your palm. Immediately, you clutch your hand with the other and roll onto your hip. As you watch the blood drip between your fingers, a vision of his blood staining the hardwood flashes in your mind’s eye and suddenly you’re back in the hospital waiting room waiting for him to come out of surgery. The dam bursts then and you can’t fight the monster inside of you that is the anxiety. It bites and claws at your insides until it bursts free from you in an explosion of tears and guttural sobs. You struggle to take in a full breath as you begin to hyperventilate. You’re not sure how long you sit there feeling wave after wave of panic crashing over you, holding you under and dragging you further and further away from yourself, lost in the throes of an aggressive undertow. Your vision starts to blacken around the corners and you don’t even register the hands on your shoulders or the man kneeling in front of you.

Your pupils rapidly dart back and forth, desperately trying to make sense of your surroundings but all you can make out is your name. It's faint and faraway, like a ghost whispering on a midnight wind.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you try to focus on the sound of your name until it becomes clearer. It’s Aaron.

Aaron. Aaron. Your partner. Your fiance. Aaron, yes, Aaron. You swallow hard and open your eyes, vision blurring momentarily before clearing. He’s on his knees in front of you, brown eyes warm albeit concerned. He’s holding a rag against your bloody hand. He applies pressure to the wound to stem the bleeding and the pain oddly brings you closer to baseline. It’s something real and tangible you can hold onto as the panic tries to pull you back under.

“Honey, breathe,” Hotch prompts. “Listen to my voice. You’re safe. I’m here.”

You reach for him, cupping his cheek in your uninjured hand. Stroking your thumb against the cut of his jaw, you find solace in the depths of his eyes. It’s him. It’s really him. Your lip quivers and you fall into him. His name rattles out of your mouth as you collapse into him. You throw your arms around him and sob into the crook of his neck, the familiar scent of his cologne washing over you.

“Shh,” he soothes, rubbing his hand in circles against your back. “Deep breaths,” he says and you feel him inhale beneath you. He exhales and inhales again, modeling the pattern you need to follow to reach baseline.

Your voice cracks when you speak. “You didn’t call. I was—” You breathe in and release a shaky breath. “I was so afraid that—”

Hotch cradles you against him, one arm looped around your waist while his opposite hand tangles into your hair to hold you close. “My phone died. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” He guides you through several more long deep breaths and your temples pound from the dehydration that comes with crying from a place so deep inside yourself.

As your heart rate finally drops back down to normal, the weight of exhaustion slams into you and you feel it dragging at all of your bones leaving all of your limbs feeling leaden.

“Why don’t you take a shower with me, hmm?” Hotch asks gently.

You nod against his chest, feeling the sticky sheen of tears wetting your cheeks. He helps you up and helps you sit on top of the closed toilet seat. He cranks on the shower and disappears out of the room for only a second before returning with a small broom and dustpan. Steam is billowing out from behind the shower curtain by the time he finishes cleaning up the broken glass. He helps you shrug out of your sweater and while he undoes his tie and dress shirt, you shimmy out of your sweatpants. When you step under the steady stream of hot water, you hiss as it stings the open cut in your palm. Blood washes down your hand, swirling down the drain in diluted pink rivulets.

Hotch joins you in the shower, stepping behind you to let you enjoy as much of the warm water as possible. “Let me help,” he says, taking your hand in his. After lathering the soap bar in his hand, he gently cleans the inflamed area. You wince and he apologizes, “I know it hurts.” He rinses your hand and leans out of the shower to grab another washcloth off of the rack. He presses it into your hand and softly instructs you to hold pressure to it.

You laugh weakly, “Aaron, I’m going to ruin all the washcloths.”

He bends down and kisses your forehead. “I’ll buy more. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He turns you around and presses himself against your back, threading his arms through yours and holding you close to him. You just stand like that, under the steady flow of warm water.. You close your eyes and lean back against his chest. Aaron hums and rocks you gently.

“I love you,” you murmur after a while.

You feel him smile against your hairline. “I love you, too.”

You turn then, holding your injured hand over his shoulder out of the stream of water while your other splays against his chest. You feel the raised scar tissue under your hand, bumpy and rough. Your eyes trail down the length of his torso, identifying each scar. Hotch places his fingertips beneath your chin, tilting your face up so that you can look at him. His features are relaxed, his gaze steady. “Honey,” he says, almost sternly. “I’m okay.”

You nod, “I know that.”

“Then let me help you be okay, hmm? Does that sound alright?”

Again, you nod.

He spends the next fifteen minutes taking careful care to wash and condition your hair, massaging your scalp and combing through your hair before rinsing it out. He lathers soap against your skin after, using the palms of his hands to smooth it over every curve and fold of your body; littering kisses across your skin as he does so. For himself, he takes very little time; just a quick scrub and wash of his hair before he cranks the water off.

He wraps you in a fluffy towel before wrapping one around his waist. He dips into your shared bedroom and returns moments later with your robe and the first aid kit you keep in the hall closet. You finish towel drying your hair before letting him help you into your robe, which he loosely ties around your waist. You sit on the edge of your bed and let Hotch work on your hand.

“The bleeding stopped, that’s good” He observes after peeling away the wash cloth. He applies a small bit of antibiotic gel across the length of the cut and places a fresh gauze pad against it, which he then secures by wrapping a roller bandage around your palm and wrist.

“Have you ever thought about quitting the BAU and becoming a paramedic?”

Aaron breathes out a laugh as he tucks the tail end of the bandage in. “Definitely not.”

You pout, sticking out your lower lip. “But you’d look so sexy in that uniform.”

He laughs and shakes his head before placing a quick peck against your cheek. “There’s that sense of humor I love so much.”

He stands and discards the soiled rag and paper wrappings in the bathroom trash can. He washes his hands and uses the towel around his waist to dry them. He puts on a pair of sweats, the words FBI ACADEMY faded and worn running down the one leg.

“How does tea and ice cream sound?”

You smile, and for the first time that evening it feels genuine. “That sounds perfect.”

While he busies himself out in the kitchen, you tie your hair up in a loose knot on top of your head and finish your skincare routine.

As you’re crawling under the covers, Aaron enters the room. He’s cradling two bowls against his chest with one arm while he holds two steaming mugs by their handles in the opposite hand. He crouches awkwardly by the bed, safely placing the bowls of ice cream on the nightstand. He rises to his full height and passes the mug to you.

“Sleepy time tea?” you ask, recognizing the smell.

“I felt like you could use the extra help tonight.”

He tosses the covers back and climbs into bed beside you, placing his own mug down on the nightstand. He lets you take a sip before he takes your cup and sets it beside his.

Taking your hands in his, he strokes his thumb along the back of your uninjured hand. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I am now that you’re home.”

His eyebrows turn, “Honey, I can take some vacation time. I know you’ve been doing better since my attack, but it makes sense that my return to work would serve as a trigger and—”

“Aaron,” you chide. “You’re profiling me.”

He presses his lips together and smiles apologetically. “All I’m saying is if my going back right now is too much for you, I can try to limit my presence in the field.”

You eye him knowingly, “Yeah, because that worked so well when your ear was damaged in that explosion.” Your brow pinches as you regard your fiance. “Well, that’s not something every couple can say, huh?”

Aaron chuckles and stretches an arm around your shoulders, drawing you in close to his side. “Definitely not, but nothing about our relationship has ever been normal, has it?”

You lean into him and press a kiss against his jaw. “I’ll be okay, Aaron, really. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a panic attack like that. I think it was just because it was your first case back since…” You hesitate. “…the incident.” You reach over him and grab the two bowls of ice cream off of his nightstand, handing one to him before settling back against the pillows.

You dig your spoon into the vanilla ice cream, stirring it some before taking a bite. You close your eyes and savor its sweetness.

“Are you sure?” Aaron asks.

You open your eyes and look up at him from beneath your lashes. “I’m sure. I’m working with my therapist. I’m coping. I’m taking it day by day, just like I know you are.”

“One day at a time.” He leans down and kisses you softly. “Mmm, you taste like vanilla.”

You smile against his lips. “My therapist did advise us to prioritize living in the present moment.

He sets his bowl of ice cream aside and loops his arms around your waist, heaving you onto his lap. “Did they now?”

You laugh and feel it deep in your belly, the panic you’d felt earlier seeming so far away now. “And how do you suppose we do that?”

He pulls at the tie on your robe. “Oh, I bet I can think of something.”

You dip your spoon back into your bowl of ice cream, an idea of your own coming to mind. “You said you like the taste of vanilla?” You slip the spoon between your lips, amusement glinting in your eyes.

Aaron nods, taking the bowl from your hands and capturing your lips with his. As his hands fold around your body, you feel him smile against your lips. “I love the taste of vanilla.”

And you’ve never felt safer than in his arms right then, savoring the moment.

[pathologicalreid]

could you do a third part to buried alive where the reader finally gets a bit better and goes out into the field for the first time and then the team goes and gets drinks after bc they are so proud of her :) -🌱

back again | S.R.

part one | part two

in which you go back into the field (and kick ass)

who? spencer reid x fem!BAU!reader

category? angst and then fluff

content warnings: established relationship. PTSD undertones. guns and physical fighting. reader is paired with morgan and kicks ass. usual cm case stuff. going to a bar and alcohol consumption. use of 'ass'. reader is referred to as a girl.

word count: 1.8k

a/n: hey anon i love you!!! i never expected people to like this story so much, but im so grateful i hope you enjoy!! thanks for reading <3 don't forget to like and reblog <3333333333

It felt good. Standing outside of a suspect's house with Morgan felt normal to you, having your firearm holstered, felt right.

He was trying to get ahold of the team, but the two of you were far from the town and, apparently, cell service. “The call keeps dropping, but they know where we are. They should be on their way,” he told you, getting out of the car. “If you’re uncomfortable going in, you don’t have to.”

You rolled your eyes and got out of the SUV. “I’ve got your back,” you responded self-assuredly. It was your first case back in the field, and besides, you weren’t about to let Derek walk into the lion's den alone.

Despite your attempt at confidence, you hadn’t planned on going to a suspect's house. The two of you had been on your way back from talking to a victim’s family, meaning you didn’t have vests. “I know you do,” Morgan confirmed, removing his sunglasses and snapping the temples down. “Go around back, I’ll take the front,” he said.

Nodding, you unholstered your weapon and kept it pointed toward the ground, you took a deep breath before wrapping around the white farmhouse.

Paranoid thoughts pelted your brain. Did you remember to shut off your phone’s ringer? What if the suspect had a gun? What if the information you were given was wrong and you didn’t have probable cause?

You shook your head, peeking in through the open blinds, you saw the kitchen. The town you were in was on the smaller side, and the only thing that surrounded you was farmland. You saw movement out of the corner of your eye and wished you had been given more time to prepare, having comms right now would be remarkably helpful.

Approaching the back door, you leaned against the siding before reaching over and turning the doorknob. It was already unlocked, which could either be a good thing or a bad thing. You swung the door open and stepped inside the house, pointing your Glock around the kitchen, you saw Morgan entering the living room in your peripheral vision. “Clear!” You called out, and shortly after, Morgan called the same.

Once you had cleared the main floor, Morgan moved upstairs and you moved downstairs, pulling your flashlight from your belt, you pointed it down the steps.

“Jackson Fike this is the FBI,” you called, making yourself known. You reached the bottom of the stairs, just to see another door, wide open. “Damn it,” you cursed, “Morgan, he’s running!” You shouted, hoping your voice would be able to carry up two flights of stairs.

You pocketed your flashlight and took off running out the door. Distantly, you saw a man fitting the suspect's description sprinting towards the woods. Without a second thought, you followed, expecting Derek to be not far behind you.

Thankfully, it was still light outside, the scent of the damp earth filled your senses, but it didn’t overwhelm you. You wouldn’t let it.

You skidded to a halt in the forest, keeping your back to a tree so you could be attacked from behind, “Jackson Fike, you can’t keep running like this. You know as well as I do that the road ends here.” You spoke loudly, hoping he heard you from wherever he had disappeared into the woods.

His choices here boiled down to giving himself up or being on the run for the rest of his life. Based on the profile the team had put together, he would never be able to leave this town. Not by choice, at least.

The snap of a twig gave his location away, you twisted your body in the direction of the noise. Your ears perked up like a bloodhound. “Jackson, if you come with me and tell me where the girls are, maybe I could see about keeping you close to home. Close to your house, that’s what’s important, right?” You tried to negotiate with him. You didn’t know if he was armed, but you did know that suicide by cop wasn’t in his profile. It was also less paperwork if you cuffed him without a fight.

“You can’t make me that promise, agent,” he responded. His voice was gravelly despite only being in his late thirties. “Why would I negotiate with a fed when I could just kill one instead?” He asked.

His question sent a chill down your spine all the way down to where your handcuffs rested on your back. “You’re right,” you ceded, “You’d be worshipped in prison for killing a fed, but why take that chance?”

In a flash, the UnSub smacked your wrist, causing a misfire into the trees, and making your weapon hit the ground.

That was fine, your marksmanship was good enough to pass your qualifications, but hand-to-hand was where you really excelled. He charged at you, but you jumped out of the way.

Closer to the farmhouse you heard voices, but you didn’t let yourself get distracted. Instead, you used your one boxing lesson with JJ and kicked. The inside of your foot provided enough surface to daze your opponent, he stumbled around, and you made sure to keep both of your feet firmly planted to the ground.

He swung back, but you ducked just in time to feel the breeze of his swing against your face. In response, you swung back, hitting him across the face.

Jackson retaliated, using both hands to push you into a tree, crushing your shoulder but not doing anything to stop you from throwing another hit, striking him on the head, and causing him to fall to the ground. He groaned as you crouched down and pulled your cuffs out, fastening them around his wrists.

As you read him his rights, the local police and the rest of your team approached you. Emily looked at you warily, Spencer was searching for injuries, but Morgan was grinning. He was like a giddy little kid who had heard the ice cream truck turn on his street.

Handing off the UnSub to a local, you eyed Morgan suspiciously, “What are you smiling at?” You asked, rotating your shoulder in a failed attempt to make it feel better.

“You took that guy down,” Derek said, gesturing to where the police officer was now taking the UnSub.

Confused, you shrugged, “Yeah, and?”

He laughed again, “Oh, you are so back, pretty girl.”

A flight later, you were hunched over takedown paperwork, something you certainly hadn’t missed during your time away from the field. At the desk adjacent to yours, Spencer was flipping through a book, waiting for you so you could go home.

After initialing each page and signing the last one, you placed the papers into the confidential file. Going up the stairs to Hotch’s office, you knocked on the door, “Come in.”

You stepped into the office and reached over to hand him the file, “My takedown paperwork for Jackson Fike.”

He nodded, the stern look on his face fading as he looked at you, “You did impressive work today, Y/L/N. By taking the initiative to arrest Fike, you saved the three girls he had captive.”

Shrugging, you fiddled with his nameplate, “I just did what felt right.”

“Other agents would’ve shot him, and it would’ve been justified, but you didn’t,” Hotch said, raising his eyebrows. “It’s good to see you out in the field again,” he told you in that fatherly, parental tone of his.

You looked out the window of his office, “It’s good to be back out, sir.” Watching as the rest of the team gathered back into the bullpen, “I thought everyone had already left?”

Hotch set your file down and stood from his desk, “I believe they were all waiting for you in Garcia’s office.”

Confused, you walked outside of the office and down the steps, “Hey?” You said cautiously, looking around at everyone, “What’s going on?” You looked at Spencer, but he just shrugged like he didn’t know any more than you did.

“We,” Derek said, “are going to O’Keefe’s,” he said, grinning as you reached over your desk to grab your bag and your coat.

Shoving your arms through the sleeves of your coat, you looked at the team curiously, “I’m getting the sense that I don’t have much of a choice in this outing.”

Grinning, Penelope excitedly walked towards you, looping her arm through yours and leading you out of the bullpen, “you don’t!”

You laughed, looking back at Spencer, who was just smiling at you. It wasn’t in your nature to turn down what Emily called ‘team bonding’, so the lot of you went to the familiar bar, a place you hadn’t been in nearly four months.

At the same table as always, standing room only with the eight of you, Rossi paid for all of your preferred drinks. Something you had learned to not protest over the years, as long as he was there, he’d never let you pay for your drinks.

Casually, Spencer had his arm around your waist, the two of you were more affectionate outside of the office. “How’s your shoulder?” He asked, gently skimming the pad of his thumb over the sensitive skin. Naturally, Spencer didn’t say anything in front of the team when you mentioned being shoved into a tree, but behind closed doors, he had asked to take a look at it.

You hummed in response, leaning into his touch, “Better, just bruised a bit.”

He dropped his hand back down to your waist, “good,” he whispered, ducking his head, and pressing a kiss to your cheek, causing you to smile.

Grabbing your attention, Derek cleared his throat and raised his glass in your general direction. “Tonight is about you, pretty girl,” he said, causing everyone else to turn to you. Your cheeks burned, “not only did you kick some UnSub ass, but you threw yourself back into the field after months on the sidelines.”

At your side, Spencer squeezed your hip, you were grinning like a fool.

“It has been an honor to be able to watch you reclaim yourself. I, for one, am proud of that accomplishment,” Morgan continued. “I hope you’re proud of yourself, too.”

You nodded enthusiastically, “Thank you. All of you, really.” You reached forward where everyone was clinking their glasses before taking a sip. Setting your glass down, you turned and looked at Spencer, “I love you,” you whispered to him.

He dropped a kiss to your lips, earning a whoop from Garcia. When he pulled away, he smiled at you softly, “I love you too.”

[wistfulwatcher]

bau members + near death experiences

[snixkers]

Lost & Found

Pairing: Spencer Reid × GN!Reader

Angst

For: Anonymous Request

Summary: After receiving notes from an unknown sender, you realize that your stalker is closer than you thought.

Content Warning: Abduction, stalking, restraints, canon compliant violence

Author's Note: Did my best! Anon wanted a PLL storyline, so I tried to incorporate that as best as I could.

Feedback is always welcome!

Requests are OPEN

It had been a week since the flowers had shown up on your doorstep with a note from ‘A’. You were certainly confused. You’d never dated anyone with a name that had an A, and none of your friends were confessing to it, so you were sure it was probably a fluke on the part of the delivery man.

Until it happened again. You were sitting at your desk when you got a call from an unknown number. You picked up, assuming it was a spam or a butt dial, when the voice spoke up.

How was work today?

The words sent a chill down your spine. Once could be written off as a mistake, but two times was enough to confirm what you were worried about. You had a stalker. Before you could reply, the caller hung up, leaving you dumbfounded at your desk.

You told the team, and they all did their best, but there wasn’t much even Garcia could do. The call had been traced to a payphone, and the flowers were paid for in cash. On the security cameras, the man was wearing enough to obscure any details that would have been important for identification. He was good.

The next couple weeks, you resigned yourself to just putting up with it. You carried pepper spray, tasers, anything you could. Your commute was now carpooling, and you used the buddy system to the best of your ability. But one day, the batteries in your smoke detector went out, meaning you were officially going insane from the noise.

You slipped into some sneakers to head to the convenience store down the street, grabbing your keys and phone.The streets were dark, with the occasional car passing by. You made your way inside and searched for the batteries before finally coming across a pack of AAs. The man standing at the register watched you come up, scan your items, and swipe your card. As you picked the package up, you noticed his nametag: Alex.

Oh, shit.

Something hit the back of your head and you passed out cold.

-----

The team had been searching for you relentlessly, calling in every favor possible. They tracked your credit card to the corner store, where they watched the cashier come up behind you and take you out. They found out he didn’t even work there, but they were able to track his car to a man named Alex Pinof.

The team pulled up outside his house, guns raised and ready to go. Derek kicked the door down and they swarmed the building, clearing the rooms. They found you in the basement, bound and gagged but otherwise unharmed. Hotch went to arrest Alex while Emily untied you, leading you out of the basement and up to the main floor.

Spencer pulled you into a tight hug and you returned the favor, gripping him as tight as possible.

“I was scared you weren’t going to find me.”

He shook his head, burying his face in the top of your head and giving it a small kiss.

“I’ll always find you.”