#emily is declans mom

[boldlyvoid]

Hotch being the biggest fucking simp baby boy to you ever and everyone who has ever known him before is so confused. Like you being so mom to him like “you haven’t slept in a week your coming home right now paper work be dammed”

And then giving him that good good as a reward for taking care of himself

thank you so much for this request i had a lot of fun writing it!

cw: PDA, almost office sex, lightly described smut

Her visitor's badge was laminated and always on her keychain, that’s how often she was at Quantico to see her boyfriend. The night shift ladies at the front desk gave her a wave, the security guard gives her a nod and a smile and then she was in the elevator, on her way up to see Agent Hotchner. 

When the elevator reaches floor 6, the doors open with a ding and she’s greeted by the group of agents leaving for the night, including Doctor Reid, who is usually the second last one to leave every night. “Hey, Y/N?” 

“Hey, Spence, is he still in his office?” She asks, walking past him and turning around so she could still face him while heading towards the double glass doors. 

He nods, “yup, have fun trying to get him out of there.”

“Oh, I’ll get him out,” she sends him a wink. “Have a good night, Dr. Reid.”

“You too!” He shouts before the elevator door closes with him inside. 

She heads right into the bullpen, past the collection of agents' desks and up the few steps to Aaron’s office. “Oh, lover boy?!” She walks right in to see him with Agent Prentiss and Jareau. “Oh… hi?”

“Lover boy?” Emily repeats, turning to Hotch with a smirk, “really?”

“I thought you guys had gone home already… I mean, Spencer is already gone?” She can’t help but panic, Hotch isn’t one for PDA or pet names at work. 

He gets up from his seat behind his desk and Emily steps out of the way so he can come right up to her and wrap her up in a big hug. “It’s okay, lover, we were just scheduling some play dates.”

“Oh,” she settles into the hug and feels her heart flutter. He kisses her cheek and below her ear, “Aaron…”

“What? I haven’t seen you in days and you smell so good,” he holds her tighter, hand slipping down to grab a handful of her ass which makes her yelp and jump back. 

“What has gotten into you?”

Emily and JJ just laugh, they’ve never seen him like this, but it’s nice to see. “We’ll go,” JJ teases, heading towards the door with Emily in tow. “I’ll call you, Declan and Henry are going to be with Will all week, so whenever Jack wants to come over, he can.”

“Mhm,” he brushes them off, pulling Y/N back in and continuing to kiss her cheek and neck. 

They close the door behind themselves and then it’s just two lovers locked behind closed doors. “Aar-bear? Seriously?” 

“I’ve missed you so much,” he all but growls in her ear, taking a nibble as his hands head back down to cup her ass. 

“That’s why I came to get you,” she says through giggles. “I don’t want you here all night doing stupid fucking paperwork, come home already!” 

“I could do you instead? How’s that sound, huh? I could bend your pretty little ass over the desk and fuck you senseless?” He whispers, antagonizing her. 

“Aaron Hotchner, you have not slept in a week how are you supposed to do that?” She replies, turning on her "mom" voice. 

“Oh, I’ll show you,” he teases, maneuvering her towards the desk and thanking god that the blinds were already closed. 

“You gonna fuck me on the desk?” 

He shakes his head and he spins her around so he can brush her hair off of her neck and kiss her shoulder, up towards her ear, “Is that what you want?” 

She nods, “Show me how much you missed me… you talked a big game on the ph—” 

He pushes her chest down against the desk and grinds his bulge against her ass, “did I?”

She lets out a breathy, “Yeah… you did.” As she straightens up and pushes her ass against him. 

“I distinctly remember you were the one who started it every night… calling me from the bathtub, telling me what I was missing out on,” Aaron breathes into her ear. 

She giggles, “if you didn’t jump me once I walked in the room, I was going to take you home to that.” 

“Really?” He softens, “I’d like that a lot.” 

“I know,” she turns in his grip and cups his face in her hands, “as much as I’d love a quickie in your office, I really want to spend a night with you in our bed.” 

“Lead the way,” he says instead of a standard yes.

And when they get home, she helps him out of his suit and into the shower. She lathers a loofa with soap and runs it over his chest as they talk about their week. He glistens under the water, she runs her hands all over his biceps and his chest, just admiring him until it's his turn to do the same to her. He takes his time, the moisturizer in the body wash she uses makes his hands glide over her skin, almost massage-like.

He spins her around carefully, kissing the back of her neck and shoulder while his soapy hands roam her stomach and breasts. She feels so unbelievably loved in that moment it’s hard to think about anything else. He’s finally home, his hands are finally on her and all she wants is more. So much more. 

When they’re clean, they hop out of the shower and dry off to the best of their ability between stolen kisses and murmurs of “I love you,” they finally make their way to the bed where the lovemaking is slow and drawn out and beautiful… but it’s also passionate and deep and with drawn out moans and the headboard hitting the drywall so hard it might’ve left a few dents. Nevertheless, it’s a perfect welcoming home present. 

But there’s nothing better than falling asleep in Aaron's strong arms, his skin is soft and he smells like sandalwood and sex and he’s happy. It’s all she could ever ask for. 

[criminalmindswhore]

Making up 

Emily comes back from the dead and attempts to fix things.

She's alive? She didn't die? "I'm so sorry. Seriously, you didn't deserve that." She hugged Morgan and he slowly hugged her back, "Y/n. I am so sorry. I truly am." I stood up and walked around JJ and Hotch and booked it to the bathroom. I threw open the door and slid down the wall letting out the sob I was holding back. Someone gently knocked at the door, "Go away Emily." I heard a slight chuckle and the door pushed open. "JJ, I'm not mad at you. Or Emily. Or Hotch. I'm just frustrated. I'm so frustrated that Doyle caused Emily to go into hiding for months and I just wish I could've at least known she was alive and just not where she is." She slid down beside me and grabbed my hand. Tears were flowing consistently from my eyes. "I understand. You have to understand that Emily hated the idea. However she knew none of us would be safe if she didn't and, currently, she's sobbing in Reid's arms because she thinks you hate her." I looked up at her, "For real? I could never hate her. She did what she did for us and for Declan. We have to find Declan." I jumped up and walked back upstairs, "Let's find Declan. Emily you and I can talk later." The team was stunned but they all stood up and got to work, "Prentiss I want you to go talk to Doyle. Get all his female known associates, we think Declan's Mom did this." She nodded, "Y/n, go with her and watch." I nodded and walked with Emily down there. As we opened the doors to the bullpen Emily stopped and grabbed my hands forcing me to face her, "Look at me." I still didn't, "Y/n, look at me." I looked into her eyes, "I did what had to be done. All of you were in danger unless I was dead. I missed you so so much. I know it could not have been easy." She paused and wiped her cheeks. "You have to believe that I never wanted to hurt you in any way, I knew it would. JJ updated me about how you were doing. Y/n you were hurting yourself again." I stopped her by putting my hand softly on her cheek, "Emily, I'm not mad. I understand. It's just a lot." She placed her hand on top of mine and melted into my touch. "I still love you Y/n." I smiled and rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, "Me too, but right now, Declan needs you. So let's go save him." She smiled, "Can I hear you say it?" You sighed and looked deeper into her eyes, "I love you, Emily." She nodded and we started to the interrogation room. We didn't see the happy stares of the team.

"Thank you, Emily. Thank you for keeping me safe all these years." She engulfed Declan in a hug, "Of course D, you deserve to have a better life than your father. Now go home." She pushed him slightly to the car and watched him drive away. I walked up to her and grabbed her hand, "You continue to impress me every day. You would be such a great mother." She looked at me with a huge smile on her face, "Oh yeah?" I nodded with a big smile on my face. I heard Morgan yell 'I knew it!' and I turned to face Emily, "Think they know now?" She stepped closer to me. "Definitely, and I would so kiss you right now if local PD weren't everywhere and I wasn't at work." I chuckled and pulled her to an SUV, I opened her door before jumping in the driver's seat after yelling, "Jay, if you're riding with us let's go!" I started the car as JJ jumped in the back. I started back to the office and JJ sighed, "How long were you guys together before Doyle?" Emily looked at me confused, "We don't really know. It started out as little glances, and then a few sneaky kisses, to a full full-blown relationship. So good question." I explained. Emily jumped in, "So since she joined the team." We all laughed.

Finally pulling back into my apartment, Emily and I jumped out of the car and almost ran to my apartment. When we stepped in the elevator she immediately shoved me against the wall and smashed her lips on mine, I grabbed her waist to pull her closer to me and she rested her hands on my neck. Our lips moved in sync before the elevator rang and we jumped apart. An older woman stepped on and we rode to my floor. All 3 of us stepping off. Emily and I quickly walked to my door and I fumbled with the lock before flinging the door open and we piled in dropping all of our stuff. As soon as possible our lips were together again. We stood in the doorway making out for a while before we pulled away for air, "Do you have a place here?" Emily rested her forehead on mine and shook her head. "Perfect. You can stay with me. Forever. Please never leave my side again. Ever." She grabbed my hands pulling me to my bedroom, pushing me back onto the bed, and straddling me. She kissed down my neck and I moaned, "I don't plan on it." That was the beginning of a lot of making-up.

[leavemurph]

what i’m working on rn is post-doyle, emily ends up keeping declan. and in the middle of trying to figure out how to parent a kid and not lose her job, she gets a wedding invite from her mother—who, surprise, is tying the knot again. now, showing up to this shindig as a single mom ranks slightly worse than faking her own death. so, naturally, she cooks up a plan. hotch, playing the role of doting, fake husband. because why not? if she's gotta survive the aunts, cousins, might as well bring in the big guns.

[scorpsik]

Last batch of fics.

Linked in this thread

FAILURE : ML alt. Sometimes everything just goes to shit.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT : What if Em found Hankel's dogs?

PROTECTOR : The only things that keeps Emily sane is Declan.

VISITING HOURS : Dave visits Em in hospital - post ML

ECHOES : A case is too close to home for Emily - and even if she won't let herself see it, JJ does.

BRICK WALLS : Demonology epilogue.

5 TIMES EMILY THOUGHT SHE WOULD DIE ALONE + 1 TIME SHE DIDN'T : Lotsa angst

NOT ALIKE : The last person Emily wants to see after Colorado is her mom.

FATHER'S DAY : Dave isn't himself and Emily tries to find out why. CW; child loss.

WE SANG HIM A SONG : While helping Clyde on a case, Emily runs into a familiar face.

DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT : When Emily finds out she's pregnant at 15, security chief Hotch tries to help

TRICKS OF THE TRADE : Aftermath of Em's abduction at Scratch's hands. PTSD. Rossi + Alvez.

THE GAME : Emily travels to interview a killer on death row.

I KNOW YOU TOO WELL : Aaron knows more about Emily than she thinks. Post ML.

MAKING A DIFFERENCE : Em begins her tenure as SC

IMAGE : Em's high school photo rears it's ugly head. cw; mention of drugs.

TRIAL BY ORDEAL : CM17 Em and Dave - focus on Em's trauma

POWER : After recovering from being shot, Penelope asks Em for help

MARCH 7TH : When the date rolls around the first time, Em can't cope. (depression, angst, grief) Hotch.

SENSE : When Em finds out Penelope bedded Tyler, she loses it. Em; Derek; Penelope.

37 MINUTES TOO LATE : AU from ep 7 Seconds. TW ref child abuse/child death. Em cannot process her anger when things go wrong.

KNOTS : Dave offers Em comfort after Colorado.

SPECTRE : After Bailey's death, Emily has nightmares

I'M MORTAL : JJ confronts Emily after her heroics in saving Will

HURTS : Derek feels guilty about the events in ML

FANGURL : Humour short: Derek and Em acting like kids.

ANISEED : An old Interpol case comes back to bite Emily. 5 chapters. cw: sexual violence ch3 and canon violence. Whole BAU team. Season 4/5

BREAK AWAY : Feeling unloved at home, 9 yr old Emily runs away

STILL I CLING : An alternative version of S7 'I had a bad day' scene.

GROUNDED : Two moments where Spencer is Emily's world

EYE FOR AN EYE : Doyle arc AU. Ian's revenge involves hurting her friends. . Whole BAU team involved. tw: kidnap

WRINGER : S7E03 Emily is back and trying her best to fit in again - but Derek has a little something to ruin her day.

MELODY : Dave discovers another of Emily's secrets. Cute fic.

SETTLED DUST : s13e07; Em tries to get through to Desi - but some things can't be changed.

PUTTING BACK THE PIECES : Em and Spencer talk following Maeve's death. cw; grief.

MATERIAL GIRL : Doyle arc. Em is alone and bleeding in the basement.

BABIES AND BRUISES : JJ and Em talk after the events in Minimal Loss

POUNDING : Em has the headache from Hell and needs some TLC

A LONG TIME TO HEAL : When Jack calls Emily out of the blue, she never could have dreamed how badly he and Aaron would need her help.

NEVER ENOUGH : 12yo Em tries to get er mother's love.

Forget-Me-Not : Teen Em's parents have forgotten her birthday. Hotch hasn't. Angst and fluffiness.

Layers Of A Lie ; 3 chapters. Em's death, rebuilding and recreation. Angsty, injuries. JJ, Doyle.

[em-prentiss]

do u have a emily & declan x aaron & jack?? obvi they’re not dating yet but bc they spend so much time together they might as well have been living together and have been married for 7 years.

I don’t unfortunately. I’ve actually never thought of this idea before! I think it’d work as a long multi chapter fic instead of just a oneshot, there’s so many details to explore with Emily being Declan’s ‘mom’, if she’s officially adopted him, they’re living together, etc. If we’re trying to make it full on just fluff it could be an AU where Doyle doesn’t exist…but then where would Declan come from lmfao😭😭 I’m literally just thinking out loud here don’t mind me, but now you’ve got me thinking of single parent Emily x Aaron omg that would be exquisite… HOLD ON IM CUTTING MYSELF OFF AGAIN BUT DOYLE COULDVE JUST BEEN A ONE NIGHT STAND??? AND EMILY GOT PREGNANT AND DIDNT BOTHER TO CONTACT HIM??? Omg that could definitely work as an AU.

But we’re back to canon here lmfao😭 The idea of Jack and Declan play dates would be so cute🥹 but there’s a lot to figure out concerning Declan. It’s a cute idea, I might do it one day if I’ve figured out the details :)

[sleuthy-scientist]

Like Mother, Like Daughter.

When Emily returned from the dead, her mother's house had been the first place she went to after she knew everyone was safe. Once the corner collected Ian Doyle's body and Declan was in Tom Kohler's capable hands, that had been her first stop. She had gone with the intent to clear the air and mend fences with her mother.

Emily came to learn three things from that visit. First, her mother had been told the truth of her faked death from her boss. The second thing being that even before learning she was alive, her mother hadn't felt it was necessary to attend her funeral. And thirdly, she couldn't fix a relationship that never was.

Even if it was a need to know matter and Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss didn't have the exact level of security clearance needed, she found out Aaron told her mom a week after the funeral. He knew she could be trusted to keep a secret, and he felt as a parent himself, thought it would be cruel to let her suffer and grieve, when her daughter was still alive.

Aaron had known when they got Emily back, it would be hard enough for her, trying to pick up the pieces and reclaim her life. Even if he couldn't admit it then, the real reason he had told Elizabeth the truth was for Emily's sake. He knew they didn't have the most stellar or close relationship, but he didn't want this to be the thing that broke the camel's back.

It hurt Emily finding out her mother missed the funeral of her only child, truly showing how little she cared. Emily could've understood if her anger was coming from a place of hurt or betrayal. Especially because her faked death had been a matter of national security, and her mother hadn't been made aware of the truth right away.

But it hadn't mattered what Emily said, Elizabeth hadn't been willing to listen, or consider her side of things. Emily knew it went deeper than that, but even then, she hadn't wanted to accept the truth of their relationship that never was.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Elizabeth had shouted those exact words, venom laced with vitriol and spite, the last time they spoke. Emily hadn't seen her mother in almost a decade since.

Yet, she could still clearly recall the conviction her mother's voice held, revealing the harsh but truthful implication in her words. It was just as Emily had always suspected, to her mother, she had always been a disappointment, something Elizabeth Prentiss saw as some sort of punishment. Like she couldn't understand what she possibly had done to deserve a daughter like Emily.

When she was younger, she had actually tried to make an effort to be the perfect little political puppet for her mother. For so long she thought she had been just that, but it was never enough. It didn't matter how good her grades were, how she dressed, or how well she behaved, Elizabeth always found fault in her.

Emily was done waiting, holding out hope for a day that would never come. Her mother was never going to be the mom she would always yearn for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The mantra repeated itself for months after their feud, haunting her for far longer than she ever cared to admit. Elizabeth's words may have been meant negatively, but she never knew how much Emily actually craved to be a mother herself. But, she wanted more than that, for her child(ren) to grow up with two parents, doubling the love and affection they deserved.

If she was ever blessed with the opportunities to have a family, Emily vowed to never take it for granted. If she was lucky enough to find that for herself, she would make them her priority and find the balance between parenthood and work that her mother hadn't even attempted to strive for.

But, Emily knew as it stood, it was still too soon after Doyle. She was too damaged and lost, to consider the possibility, not knowing if she even had a place to call home anymore. With her insecurities and need to mend friendships, she wasn't sure when she would be ready.

She couldn't help contemplating if the life she wanted would ever happen for herself. Or, if she had missed the boat, that ship has sailed long ago without her on board. Leaving her now to pay her penance, destined to be alone, never knowing the full joy of parenthood.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

In some ways she got her wish two years later when she officially became Jack's stepmother, eleven short months after her and Aaron finally took the plunge. He wasn't a daughter obviously, but it renewed her hope that one day she might have a daughter too. To give Jack a best friend for life, she just had to beat the tick of her biological clock first.

~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

It was the sentence she heard in her head three and a half years after those words were first uttered to her. When the timer finally dinged indicating her test results were ready. It gave her cause to pause and wonder if she was ready, regardless if the test was positive or not.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The words once again brought forth her insecurities when the doctor revealed their baby's gender at her twentieth week's scan. It was the outcome she had wanted to hear, but she couldn't stop the way it created a pit in her stomach. She was worried she would never be able to connect to her daughter, and her mother would be right about her.

It gnawed at her for days, growing uncontrollably, until Aaron convinced her to talk about whatever was bothering her. She knew he would have laughed, at her ridiculousness, had he not been able to see how troubled she truly felt by it. With each reason he listed, it was his unwavering faith, made in her defence about abilities to be a mother, that won her over in the end.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

If her stubbornness to come out was anything to show, Emily had no doubt her little girl took after her. While Aaron was stubborn too, Emily had always beaten him when it came to battles of the will. Twelve days after her due date when her doctor decided to induce her, her daughter had already proven she was a worthy opponent.

~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Emily knew appearance wise Grace took after them both, but to be fair they all had similar colouring. But, it was more than that, it was the way her daughter stubbornly fought off sleep as long as it was possible. Until her exhaustion overpowered her, just like both her parents were notorious for, especially during cases.

The moment that proved she was her mother's daughter however, came with Grace's first word. It wasn't mama, dada, Jack, or even nono (her title for Dave). No, her first word was Tesoro, the affectionate nickname Dave exclusively used to address Emily whenever he greeted her.

Although Grace pronounced it ''Tethro'', until she eventually caught on how to correctly say her 's' sounds. Either way, it was obvious very early on to her family they would have another polyglot on their hands.

If her ability to babble in English, French, and Italian, by the time she was in her terrible twos wasn't indication enough of her parentage, her attitude, facial expressions, and her natural compassion for others, made her a dead ringer for her mother.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

For awhile she stopped hearing the words meant as a curse. It no longer haunted her as it once did, because the love she had for Grace was limitless.

If anything, it made her smile anytime someone compared her daughter to her, proud of every aspect of her little girl. From her sassy and stubborn demeanor to her larger than life personality, and insatiable thirst for knowledge.

It wasn't until she heard news of her mother's passing shortly after her baby girl turned six, that the last words her mother spoke to her plagued her dreams once more.

~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The morning of her mother's funeral, those words played on a loop, a foggy haze in her mind, as she showered and dressed on autopilot, preparing herself to look presentable.

Knowing her mother though, if she had still been alive, she would have found some fault in appearance. Anything really, Emily had never passed her scrutiny unscathed. If Elizabeth was in heaven watching, she knew the woman was certainly judging her once more.

Emily had been dreading this morning for the days leading up to it, knowing she had to put the infamous compartmentalization facade she learned from her mother to good use. That is, if she wanted to have any hopes of getting through the day in tact.

She was glad Jessica had adamantly insisted on watching Grace for them, not wanting Emily to have to worry about her. The two women had grown extremely close, their bond had long ago transcended past their unspoken agreement to fulfill Haley's dying wish for Jack and Aaron.

They were genuinely very good friends, and Jessica knew Emily deserved to mourn the loss of her mother on her own terms. The wake and funeral however, would be easier to navigate things without having to split her focus worrying about her young daughter.

Jessica like Aaron, understood Emily didn't see it fair to subject Grace to attending a funeral for a woman she never met. It wasn't explaining the subject of death she was worried about. Emily just felt Grace was too young to understand the dynamics of the relationship her mother had had with her grandmother. Emily was trying to shield Grace by doing what was best for her.

She agreed to letting Aaron join her, knowing there was no way he would have even willingly considered ever leaving her to deal with something of this magnitude alone.

When their thirteen year old Jack insisted he attend as well, he reassured both Emily and Aaron regardless of how boring and long it might be, he wanted to be there for his Emmy. Emily didn't bother to even try to hide the few tears that slipped out at his gesture, she just pulled her sweet boy into a thankful embrace.

In the end most, of the actual day went by in a blur. Yet, Emily had never felt so out of place then during her mother's service. All the people who came up to her to pay their respects and reminisce about how amazing Elizabeth was. Emily could see their side of things, why they all saw her mother as an impressive and influential force of nature.

It was the most painful, psychological torture listening to all those in attendance spout on about her loss. She hated hearing everyone say she was lucky to have had such a wonderful mother and role model. To have them go on about how proud Elizabeth was of her, how she often spoke of her brave and selfless daughter, busy off saving the world. That she should never doubt how much her mother loved her in life.

Each well intentioned word they spoke, felt like sharp lies made of barbed wire. Only they couldn't see the damage they were doing, not when they truly believed what they were saying. And that hurt more, knowing her mother could fool everyone into believing she was Supermom, collecting that title on top of all her other accolades.

In the end, Emily wasn't even sure how she had managed to get up infront of the masses and lie through her teeth. She could only vaguely recall a few faces of the hundreds of people she interacted with. She knew at some point the team had stopped by to pay their respects as well.

Emily couldn't help but wondering, that it must have been through dumb luck and the sheer force of God's Grace that she got through her eulogy with both dignity and grace.

Now she stood at her mother's final resting place, ready to say goodbye.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Emily knew Elizabeth had known of Grace's existence, that she kept tabs on her life through mutual acquaintances, yet she never attempted to get in touch. But she knew in Elizabeth's eyes, she had gotten her spiteful wish meant to be a vindictive curse.

Her mother was right about one thing, Gracie was her through and through, not that Emily needed anyone to remind her of that. But, watching Grace and Jack grow up, happy and healthy knowing they were given the love and attention they needed gave her peace. They had all the things Emily never got, it was like watching a movie of how her own life could have played out.

Yet, Elizabeth would never know, to her, being Grace's mom was a healing balm from her own childhood. The greatest blessing of her life, one Emily cherished, but never felt truly worthy and deserving enough to have. The moment she held Grace in her arms, when her little girl opened her eyes, allowing them both to see each other for the first time, her whole world changed for the better.

She finally understood her dreams from years before. The recurring nightmare with the hill, and the little six year old girl dancing at the top with a carefree feeling and the warmth of the sun radiating down on her.

In her dreams the hill always got steeper and steeper as she tried to reach the top. Yet she kept climbing, knowing she needed to save the girl, because she was all alone. Only for the inevitable panic that set in at the top when she realised the little girl was gone. Emily knew the reality of all the horrors and possibilities that caused her to vanish. what that could mean. She had seen, heard, and experienced the horrors first hand.

The adult version of herself only knew a little girl was waiting all alone. She had wanted to protect the innocent girl from the horrors of the world. So she could never be robbed of sense of wonder, innocence, and her ability to see the beauty that surrounded her in the world.

For years she had theorized the purpose of her dream and the psychological meaning behind it. But now, Emily realised she was never meant to actually reach the girl at the top. It was an impossible task, her subconscious's way of trying to make sense and push her to deal with the trauma she internalized.

Because Emily knew the girl was her, and she never stopped waiting for her mom to save her. Some part of Emily was still wishing and waiting, dreaming of what she wanted most as a child, her mother's love, affection, and approval. Yet it had never come true, and living with the reality of that, even now, was a tough pill to swallow.

And now as a mother herself, it was even harder to wrap her mind around what she could have possibly done to make her mother feel that way. Why she had never been enough, not even for a second.

Not when Grace and Jack were her whole world. Emily knew she would do anything for them, even if she had to sacrifice herself or resort to murder to protect them.

It was still a bittersweet moment, but Emily wasn't devastated as she should have been, had their relationship had been different. She wished she could say she had been sad that her mother had never gotten to meet Grace and get know Jack. But she wasn't, she was glad she never gave Elizabeth the opportunity to hurt the most important and precious part of her life, her family.

But, Emily hoped if her spirit was somehow watching her, that she knowingly died with regrets. Not because she was vindictive or glad her mother died alone, but because she would finally know what it was like to wait, hope, and be let down. To know she pushed away the only person who had ever truly loved her unconditionally in life.

And now Emily stood ready to give the real eulogy her mother deserved. The eloquent one she had read back in church, had been her final performance as the perfect politician's puppet.

Listing off her mother's contributions to the world along with some sappy anecdotes of a childhood she never had. There hadn't been a dry eye in sight, when she was finished telling the tale of the woman, Elizabeth had always woven for them all to see her as.

But now without an audience present, she could speak the truth in her heart.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

"You got your wish mom, and I'm sure you thought you had the last laugh. Grace is exactly like me, everyone makes comments to that effect".

"She has my laugh, but hers always carries to the next room, without the fear of being scolded for being heard".

"She has my unruly hair, but with a little care, patience, and attention, her locks are easy to tame".

"She has my affinity for languages and her imagination is as wild as mine once was. Yet, I refuse to dampen her spirit or discourage her insatiable curiosity as you did to me".

"She's got my humour and attitude, she's fiery, filled to the brim with thoughts and emotions, her passion always ready to spew out. But, she will never have to fear being seen as weak for showing her feelings, or feel the need to wear a mask as armour to protect her".

"She's all the things, you always criticized about me. So maybe your wish came true Mom, because she's exactly like me. But, you were wrong about one thing, loving her is the easiest thing, it's like breathing air".

"And, unlike my relationship with you, she will never not need me in her life, because I will never give her a reason to believe I don't want to be a part of her life. I will never not be grateful to have a daughter just like me. Being a mom to her and Jack is the best, most rewarding and successful thing, I've ever done in my life".

"And even if you were still here today, your words can't hurt me anymore. Nothing you could have said would ever be able to change my mind about the life and family I made for myself".

"I will never not be glad I had a daughter just like me, and I promise you I will never take her for granted. I'm just sorry you never felt that way for me".

From where she stood at the top of the hill she could see everything in the distance. Emily looked back to where her husband and stepson were waiting, and she knew she was ready to go home.

Emily peered down at her mother's grave once more feeling the comfort of the sun's warmth dance down on her back. She didn't feel sad, if anything she felt at peace. Emily had already spent her life mourning for what Elizabeth Prentiss had never been to her. It was time to let her go for good.

"Goodbye mother".

[jenny-from-the-bau]

That one twisted bread snack anon lmao.

Okay but forreal. I have a very long commute to work. Long fics are a godsend. If you could drop some long Jemily fics this year I will throw kisses your way. After asking your wife’s permission HAH.

I lived a v v v v straight life till my 20s. Having a gay ship would’ve been something my hetero baby brain couldn’t comprehend l o l. I was definitely on FFN in jr. high. Would venture onto wlw or mlm fics sometimes but my otps were always straight 😭 When I rewatch older shows I liked though I view everything in a new lens now. Hilarious and a bit sad (for my once repressed self I guess lol).

UGH. I W I S H mom Emily was a thing. If the writers ever remember what they wrote in the past that is. Bringing back Declan as a teen??? Emily having to take care of him????? Gimme gimme.

Yes. I agree. Seeing everyone older is so nice? Shows always only want to feature hot young people but what about hot o l d people! I want attractive well-groomed grey haired folks who have their lives put together lol.

Hahaha okay, I'll accept the written version of the emoji lmao

I'll try! I'm working on finishing some long fic and posting more! I'll try to provide material for the commute lmao

Ah, yeah, I knew I was gay since I was six, so I'm very lucky with that. I'm glad you figured it out and get to live through all the gay ships now haha it's always so satisfying to realize things are gay later on! I love those moments!

Omg they reveal that she's been taking care of Declan!!!!! I would DIE lol I love that! Jemily bonding over secretly raising their kids together lmao

Hot! Older! People! Hot! Older! People! Hot! Older! People!

[maschotch]

Few different thoughts on 701 and 702.

The unsub in 702 is so creepy and f'd up. It was pretty good writing.

I don't really understand the fued between JJ and Reid because at the end of 701 everyone is in the meeting room and looks fine. If they had written that Reid wasn't there then it would've made more sense in 702.

Also I didn't like the writing when Reid yells at JJ, it just didn't flow well.

I don't understand the whole "what if I had started taking Dilaudid again would you have let me part?"

Specifically the "would you have let me" part.

It should have ended at "What if I started taking Dilaudid again?"

And going to JJ's house crying. That's not really Reid's character...he doesn't really ask for help, people usually ask him if he's okay and eventually he may say something...like with the drug problem or the headaches...

What do you think?

701 was one of their worst episodes honestly. the whole doyle arc was done so well, which makes it so much worse when the finale falls flat. i think bringing declan’s mom as a foil for lauren was cool (and low empathy emily interacting w no empathy doyle is fucking hilarious), but other than that, it was just so… disappointing. all that build up for nothing. even the reunion felt insincere (other than shemar who acted his fuckijg ass off w that kicked puppy look). no one really reacted. idk they just made that whole ep so… uninteresting. like it wasnt entertaining at all and made absolutely no sense for anyone. truly a waste. the doyle arc couldve been so good if they just managed to stick the landing

702 was definitely the most blatant ableism in a while.. that being said, it’s a fun episode bc they make him so vile. and tbh i kinda like the little reid jj drama.. it does admittedly feel like it comes outta nowhere, and it’s not even bc the last episode didnt build up to it—we just haven’t seen jj/reid interact in an emotionally vulnerable way? like of all people, jj feels like the last person reid would go to if he needed to cry. she’s shown him nothing but disdain or indifference when he’s ever emotional around her. but i do think it’s fun that they played w the betrayal. jj’s annoyance that reid hadn’t forgiven her yet was so in character and it was interesting to see that confrontation

i dont mind their fight honestly. yeah it’s a little choppy and all over the place w reid jumping from one point to another, but i think it works bc 1) when anger reaches a certain point it becomes difficult to think linearly and 2) reid in particular isn’t exactly known for being in touch with his feelings, so he’s dealing with it while arguing. all his emotions are bubbling up at once, all the different reasons he has to be (rightfully btw) upset. reid is already a little scatterbrained and has a hard time focusing—he has so much going on in his mind at any given time that it’s hard for him to control when he’s this frustrated. all things considered i think he got his points across pretty well

i think it’s interesting that he brings up his addiction now when it’s gone unmentioned for like three seasons. i think it shows that (yeah the writers probably just forgot/didnt care) he’s pretty private about it. it’s something that was embarrassing for him, and we know he doesnt have the healthiest standards for deserving self respect. it’s partly bc he wants to be private about it and partly bc his attempts to reach out went ignored in the early stages of his addiction. so he’s been quietly struggling in the background all this time—recovery isn’t linear either. it’s definitely realistic for him to want to turn to a familiar sense of release. i think that’s what he was trying to convey: how deeply this hurt him. he was in genuine pain, and he resents jj for letting him suffer when she knew emily was still alive. to be fair i dont think he’s processed that she didnt really have a choice, or thought at all about the repercussions of jj telling the truth. bringing up dilaudid was his way of saying “what if it got that bad? how miserable do i have to be to earn mercy, to earn the truth? do i have to risk ruining my life for you to be honest?”

idk. jj was doing what she could (what she had been ordered to do) to protect emily, so i dont blame her for keeping quiet. but reid is also entitled to his anger—it’s very fair of him to be upset at the perceived betrayal from a (supposedly) close friend. the problem is that jj is rejecting reid’s emotions for a second time, this time without reason. she expects him to be perfectly understanding and everything to go back to normal as if nothing has changed. but that’s her own fucked up little coping mechanism lol. im actually a big fan of this moment (even if they didnt provide any fucking context)

[lucreziaq2001]

•TV show: "Criminal minds".

•Content warnings: A teenage girl's death, a mother losing her only child, a son losing his mom at a very young age, both of them still missing the girl, mentions of electroshock and the marks it left on people, the possibility of the girl having died because of it and the hospital staff having gotten rid of her body, the girl wanting her mom to take her home and the mother being unable to because of something her daughter's boyfriend had decided, the girl trying to run away from the hospital but being unable to, the girl being considered mentally ill because she is gay, her having cheated on her boyfriend and her mother at first thinking they were doing the right thing for her child, but now feeling guilty about leaving her.

•Some of the lines are almost the same that are in a scene of the "Cold case" episode this story is inspired by. I did modify them a bit, though. I didn't just copy and paste them.

•I'm sorry if Emily and her mother are out of character. I just thought it made sense for the story to make them the way they are in this chapter.

•Tags: @lex13cm, @golden1u5t, @avis-writeshq, @rynwritesreid, @chrrysgirl, @amerrymango, @marie-sworld, @iluvreid, @babygirl-garcia, @hugyourlungs, @strangermoonlove.

The bridge to Heaven

Chapter 15: A mother's guilt

Two days later, as soon as the retirement home the woman lived in was opened to visitors for the day, around 10 am, David and his wife went to visit Elizabeth Prentiss.

Part of them didn't want to bother Emily's mother again by bringing memories related to the death of her only child to light, but they knew they had to do it if they wanted Elizabeth to know the truth and Emily to get justice.

When they arrived in Elizabeth's bedroom, they found the woman sitting on the sofa next to her bed, with her grandson Declan next to her.

Although he was over 40 years old and also a father by that time, the man was crying desperately, while his grandmother held him in her arms.

"I know she cheated on him, but it was just a kiss, nothing more. Why did Dad have to send Mom to that place? I want my mom" Dave and Erin heard him say through his tears, and their hearts broke for that man who inside, was partly still a small child hoping his mother would come home.

"It wasn't about the kiss, Declan. There was a lot more to that situation. Your mum wasn't sick, but at the time she was believed to be. I'm very sorry" Elizabeth tried to explain, great sadness evident in her voice.

Then, when she looked up and saw Erin and David, she let her grandson cry some more for a few minutes, then she asked him to leave the room while she talked to the writer and his wife.

"We know what happened to Emily" David told her as soon as Declan had left the room "Not the whole story, but most of it. Why did you agree to send your daughter to Brockview?".

"I thought I was doing the best thing for Emily, but when I went to visit her a week after her hospitalization, I realized that wasn't the case" Elizabeth explained "As soon as she saw me, my daughter started screaming and crying, begging me to take her back home. She wanted to come back to me, but Dr. Kearns wouldn't let me take her away. Apparently, Ian had asked him to give only him the chance to get Emily out of there".

"And how long did she stay there?" David asked her.

"Seventeen days, then she died" Elizabeth replied through the tears that were now running down her cheeks "She had tried to escape a couple of times, it seems. Once they caught her and brought her back, the other time she gave up herself. She was probably afraid that I would agree with Ian and send her back to that place. That's why she didn't come to me".

Instinctively, without even thinking about what she was doing, Erin took the woman's hand and squeezed it.

She was a mother too and although she didn't believe she could have been capable of sending one of her children to such a place, she empathized with Elizabeth Prentiss a little and had compassion for her.

She couldn't even imagine what it was like to live with that guilt for all those years.

"Thank you for your help, Mrs Prentiss" Dave then told her, before saying goodbye to Elizabeth and leaving the room with his wife.

"They gave her that dress at the hospital" was the first thing Erin said to her husband when they got to their car "The electroshock explains the marks on her temples".

"During that therapy something went wrong and Emily died, and then the nurses got rid of her body" David responded, thinking he had finally found the solution to that case.

Unfortunately, however, even if only slightly, he and his wife were still off track.

[readingforsanity]

She's Not Sorry | Mary Kubica | Published 2024

An ICU nurse accidentally uncovers a patient's frightening past in this chilling thriller.

Meghan Michaels is trying to find balance between being a single mom to a teenage daughter and working as a fulltime nurse. While on duty at the hospital one day, a patient named Caitlin arrives in a coma with a TBI, having jumped from a bridge and plunging over twenty feet to the train tracks below.

But when a witness comes forward with shocking details about the fall, it calls everything they know into question. Was Caitlin pushed and if so, by whom and why?

Meghan has always tried to stay emotionally detached from her patients, but this time, she mistakenly lets herself get too close until she's deeply entangled in Caitlin's and her family's lives. Only when it's too late, does she realize that she and her daughter could be the next victims.

Meghan Michaels is a divorced ICU nurse who is trying to make her way back into the world after almost 2 decades of marriage. She is also mother to 16-year-old Sienna. The two of them are close, but she does split her time between both Meghan and her dad, Ben.

Meghan reconnects with an old high school friend, Nat Cohen, after meeting by chance at a divorce meeting held in the basement of a church. Meghan, divorced for a year, is thrilled to reconnect with Nat, and the two of them meet up occasionally. Nat explains that she was married to a man named Declan Roche, a lawyer at Tanner & Levine in the loop of Chicago but shortly after their marriage began, he suddenly became violent.

Meghan is hellbent on helping Nat get out of her abusive relationship, but after inviting her into her home for a few days while Sienna stays with Ben, Nat goes missing and her Facebook page goes dark and is deleted. Unsure of what to do, she tries all the ways she knows to get into contact with her but ultimately, they lose complete contact.

It isn't until she attempts to contact another high school friend named Emily, who had been Nat's best friend. When they connect via phone, Emily explains that Nat and her family had died, 19 years prior, in a car accident due to a drunk driver. Meghan is sickened to learn that someone has been impersonating her friend, that everything she knows about this woman is a complete lie. More so, Meghan revealed her deepest, darkest secret to this stranger: that she had a one-night stand with a random man she met in a bar during a brief fight with Ben that resulted in them calling off the wedding. The morning after, they reconciled but soon after, she found out she was pregnant. Unsure if the baby would be Ben's or this nameless man's, she performed a DNA test on Sienna when she was a baby, only to learn the horrifying truth, something she would conceal from Ben for the next 16 years.

After finding this strange woman on the street, Meghan confronts her. She is cruel to Meghan, knowing her darkest secret, and in a fit of rage, Meghan pushes her off the pedestrian bridge where this nameless woman falls to her supposed death.

But, that woman isn't dead: instead, she is now a patient of Meghan's at the hospital in the ICU. She is in a coma, having suffered traumatic injuries due to the fall. Meghan hasn't revealed this fact to anyone, and she unwittingly gets close to her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Beckett. And she finds out her name is Caitlin. She also learns how she was able to lie so easily - Caitlin had attempted to be an actress in California before returning to Chicago, attempting to run from a man whose life she had changed when she planted child pornography on his computer.

Caitlin remains in a coma for several weeks, but she begins to get better, slowly opening her eyes, her numbers on the Coma scale ever-rising. Meghan is terrified that Caitlin is going to reveal the truth about her to someone and she will go to jail, and she knows she needs to do something in order to keep this from happening. Stealing another patients insulin pen and injecting it into Caitlin, causing an overdose and ultimately, her death.

Terrified that someone is going to now discover this secret, she begins to worry, on top of also worrying about the uptake in crime against women around the city. She also learns that Caitlin and Ben were also dating, but it had ended due to her jealousy surrounding Meghan. Meghan realizes that Caitlin used her relationship with Ben to concoct this story, effectively stealing $10,000 from Meghan after spoofing Sienna's number, causing Meghan to think that Sienna was in terrible trouble.

Even more disturbing is that Sienna has learned the truth about Ben not being her father, and is taking it out on Meghan. When Luke, a co-worker at the hospital, invites Meghan out for a drink to talk after having a fight with his pregnant wife, Meghan goes, leaving Sienna alone to stew in her misery. But, after receiving a call from a number she doesn't recognize, Luke leaves in a hurry, claiming to be heading home. But, the same number calls again, and when Meghan answers, discovers that it is Penelope, Luke's wife.

Penelope informs Meghan that the police had been there looking for Luke, with a warrant for his arrest. During the last attack, the victim had fought back and got DNA under her fingernails, and that DNA revealed that Luke has been the perpetrator of all the recent attacks on the women around the city. Understanding now that Luke is heading to her apartment after learning that Sienna is home alone.

When Meghan returns to her apartment, Sienna is missing, her phone having been left behind. Luke contacts her with an address to where he is holding Sienna, nd Meghan attempts to get through to him. Within moments, the entire event is over as the police shoot and kill Luke. Sienna is mostly uninjured except for a potential sprained ankle. The two girls agree to keep their secret between the two of them, knowing that it would hurt Ben if he were to find out the truth.

In the end, Meghan is allowed to return to work after the investigation into Caitlin's death goes without a hitch. However, when Ben returns the engagement ring she had kept inside of a jewelry box in her bedroom, that Caitlin unwittingly stole, Meghan begins to wonder if Ben knows more than he is letting on, and if she is truly getting away with her death like she originally thought.

[special-agent-prentiss]

The Art of Starting Over - Chapter 2: During

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31474595/chapters/78703687#main

One week after Ian Doyle´s arrest, Emily visits his estate in Tuscany.

[imstillyourzelda]

I got a few Zelda-themed bits and bobs for my birthday and I thought I’d share them here!!~

My beautiful friend @kyootiepies made me the CUTEST birthday card ever featuring some of my favorite Zeldies 😱 The cake SS Zelda is holding is a sticker of a birthday cake that says ‘For You’ and it’s absolutely adorable. I’m going to treasure this card forever, along with the massive care package she sent me 😖 She’s a lovely artist and likes to draw Zelda often, so you can find her art twitter here and her tumblr here. Please check her out! She also found a Purah pin for me which I adore. Purah is one of my favorite side characters and I’m so happy to have her as a pin now! ❤️

I also received a Song of Storms music box and a triforce necklace from my dear friend @dekuso along with other miscellaneous gifts! I’m very happy to add another zelda-themed music box to my growing collection 🤗

My friends have greatly contributed to 23 being a wonderful birthday and I couldn’t be more thankful ❤️

[rachaelswrites]

Bait

Emily Prentiss x Daughter!reader

Word Count: 1,315

Requested By: Anonymous

Could you write one where Doyle takes Emily's daughter as bait?

A/N: I loved writing this so much! Reader is about 4

Warnings: Kidnapping, mentions of violence (let me know if I missed any)

It was only fair. She took his son from him so he took her daughter from her. Emily knew that could happen so she protected you. Doyle was just too smart and too sneaky. He got to you before the team even realized it.

They didn’t even know you were missing until Emily left. After Hotch found her phone, gun, and badge at her desk, they went back to the apartment. After searching Emily’s room, Derek went into yours to see if it offered any clues. Your bed was made but an important thing was there also. Something he wouldn’t have expected. He picked it up and looked it over.

He knew from the several nights of babysitting that you never went to sleep without your stuffed owl. It was a ridiculous looking thing but Penelope had made it for you and you loved it. He went over to the closet and noticed multiple empty hangers and there was an area on the floor that caught his attention. It wasn’t big but the carpet was lighter, like something had been sitting there. It looked like the size of a small backpack, enough for a few days worth of clothes.

Derek closed the closet door and left your room, leaving the door ajar like he had found it. He joined the rest of the team in the living room, “I don’t think Emily took Y/n anywhere,” he said.

“Why is that?” Hotch asked.

Derek held up the stuffed owl, “Y/n doesn’t sleep without this. Ever. And Emily knew that. She wouldn’t leave it behind if she took Y/n.”

“Where do you think she is then?”

“I think Doyle may have taken her.”

~~~~~

The man who took you had tied you to a chair. He had made it clear if you cried, screamed, or called for help, he would hurt you and your mom. He had a funny accent when he spoke so it was hard to understand him at times.

“I would have thought she would be here by now,” he said, pacing in front of you, “Do you think she knows you’re here with me?”

You shrunk back in your seat, scared to say anything and upset him.

“Now now,” he said, stopping his pacing, “You don’t have to be afraid of me Y/n,” he said, “I’m a friend of your mommy’s,” he walked over to you and crouched down so he was level with you, “I won’t hurt you.”

“Step away from her Doyle,” your mom’s voice said, coming around the corner.

“Momma!” you cried, trying to pull on the ropes around your wrist to get to her.

The man, who your mom called Doyle, stood up and undid your ropes from the chair and then tied them again quickly. He was able to then pull you from the chair and held you close, not letting you move, “I told her if she cried, I would hurt you both.”

“Let her go,” Emily hissed, “She has nothing to do with this.”

Doyle laughed, “Oh I know that. But Declan didn’t have anything to do with my work and you took him. I think it’s time I return the favor. Don’t you?”

Emily shook her head, “You used my child to lure me here. Your son was in danger.”

“So he deserved to die?” Doyel asked, his voice raised. Emily’s eyes moved to you as she saw you flinch at the sudden change in volume.

“You’re scaring her,” your mom said, not moving her eyes off of you. You were crying silently, staring at her. She could tell you were trying to be strong but it was getting hard, “You want me not her. Let her say goodbye at least.”

Doyle let you go and pushed you forward. You fell to the ground but you quickly scrambled up and ran into your mother’s arms.

“I wanna go home momma,” you cried, hiding your face in her neck.

“Shh it’s okay. You’ll get to go home soon,” she said softly, running her hands through your hair gently, “I promise.”

“Now?” you asked, looking up at her, hoping she would say yes.

She shook her head, leaning down and kissing your forehead, “Soon love. You’ll be home soon.”

“And you?” you asked.

Emily had to hold in her own tears. Doyle wasn’t going to let her out of here alive. She was already lucky that he hadn’t killed you before she got here, “I’ll be there too but you’ll beat me there. Your uncle Morgan and aunt Penelope will watch you until then,” she leaned down again and kissed the top of your head, “You be a good girl for them okay Y/n?”

“I will momma,” you said. You reached your hand up and cupped her face as best as you could, “Why are you crying?” you asked.

“I just love you so, so, so much,” Emily said, “And I want you to know that. Even when I’m not with you. I love you.”

Emily was grateful that you wouldn’t pick up on the real meaning of her words but that you knew she loved you. That was the most important thing.

“That’s enough,” Doyle said, walking over to you and pulling you from Emily.

“No!” you screamed, trying to get out of the man’s grasp.

“It’s okay Y/n,” Emily said, “Just remember, I love you.”

Your mom’s reassurance made you calm down, “I love you too.”

Doyle grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the room. There were many hallways and floors in the building. He knew the best way to keep you in the building but without you getting in the way. He took you down to the lower levels and made you sit on the floor.

“Your aunt and uncle will be here soon. You can’t get up from this spot or they won’t know where you are,” Doyle explained, “Stay here until they come.”

Doyle knew the team would find his hiding place here. He just wouldn’t be here but you and Emily would be.

~~~~~

Hours had passed and you hadn’t moved from your spot. You were waiting for Derek and Penelope to get here and come get you like Doyle and your mom said. You waited on the ground, drawing shapes in the dirt and dust around you and making shadow puppets in the lights from outside.

You don’t remember falling asleep but the sound of a door swinging open, woke you up. You looked around and you saw Derek and Hotch coming towards you.

“Uncle Morgan,” you said, getting up from the floor.

As Derek saw you, his body visibly relaxed. Not only was he worried about Emily, but you also. He didn’t want to lose both of you so it was a relief he found you.

“Oh my God Y/n,” he said, rushing over to you and picking you up. You weren’t hurt but you were dirty and scared, “Do you know where your momma is?”

You nodded and pointed upstairs, “That’s where he went.”

“Where who went Y/n?” Hotch asked, standing next to Morgan.

“Momma called him Doyle,” you said.

Hotch and Morgan looked at each other. Hotch was the first to speak, “I got her,” he said quietly.

Mogan handed you off to Hotch, who kept you on his hip.

“I’ll be right back Y/n,” Morgan said, noticing how you were getting scared when he gave you to the other man, “I’m going to go get your momma.”

You nodded as he ruffled your hair and walked away.

Hotch carried you back outside where there was an ambulance waiting. He sat down on the gurney and kept you with him as the medic checked you over.

Minutes later, Derek came out and by the look on his voice, Hotch could tell it wouldn’t be fun to tell you.

Taglist

@ssebstann @peachyprincessss @emmy-writes-sometimes @dudele @prentisswrites @laura-naruto-fan1998 @multifamdomfan12 @aquariuslavenderhoney @jjmybeloved @vxidsti1es @waxingmoonwrites @benbarnesbussy @hallecarey1 @freds-slut @ssa-uglywhore27 @czlypso (for some reason I can’t tag you) @sweetpeterparker @im-in-love-with-pizza-bites @llpovi @bunnyweasley23 @mrchiipchrome @simpingbutch @graciegoeskrazy @glxwingrxse

Criminal Minds

@jswessie187 @wannabemobwife @doctorspenceryeet

[permanent-rose]

This is your daily reminder the Emily Prentiss canonically likes and is really good with children!

Stop having her not being able to care for kids in fics!! She was prepared to sacrifice herself multiple times for kids and is fully capable of parenting! She had a full monologue about how much she loves Jack and she wanted to be Declan's mom so badly and would have been fabulous at it.

Just because someone doesn't have children doesn't mean they can't care for kids!

[scorpsik]

Fics masterlist.

All links for AO3 X Most are angst/Emily Prentiss centric, so there'll be injuries, bravado, self doubt, scars, smoking, drinking, swearing+ talk of abortions. A lot of these are friendship style fics. I hope you enjoy xx

More

Even more. I'm so sorry

Last ones, I promise

ART ON REDBUBBLE!

Just Dirt In The Ground : Em struggles with the anniversary of her death. Angst. JJ friendship.

Moving On : 3 chapters of a 10 yr old Em and the effects of moving around as a child. 1 chapter at 15 when she has lost herself. Angst; lewd behaviour; Matt Benton; John Cooley

Coming Clean : IF Em told the team about Ian, she might have done it like this. Angst. Rossi, Hotch.

Lungs Of The Earth : Some humour. Team chase an unsub through the woods. Multiple POV.

New Beginnings : Emily becomes chief. Rossi, Hotch.

When Nightmares Return : Askari kidnaps JJ's son. Can Em save them? Angst, torture, SA. JJ, Hotch, Will. 4 chapters.

Sin : Matt Benton helps Em through the very worst time in her life. Can she be there for his? Angst, drugs, sex, abortion, OD, bad parents.

Shellshock : Slight diversion from 'Run'. Em has concussion as she tries to save Will. Angst, bombs. Team dynamic.

Cold Pizza : Hotch brigs Em home for some TLC post Doyle arc. Friendship. Angst, memories.

Life Is Very Long When You're Lonely : Em feels very alone after Paris and seeks out Rossi. Angst, bleak, friendship.

Quicksand : Em is gravely injured in the field. Injury, blood. Luke, Rossi.

Eggs : Teen Em gets very drunk. Did she do something bad? Hotch knows. Friendship.

Don't Leave Me Alone : Those first, awful days in Paris. Angst, scars. JJ friendship.

Mom : Emily tries to explain why she isn't actually dead. Angst. Elizabeth P.

Weight : Demonology. Em worries that she let Matt down. Angst, abortion, Rossi friendship.

What's Inside : 9 year old Em finds magic. Fluff. Yes, fluff. No angst.

Hero : Em reflects on her past as she awaits rescue. Kidnapping, reminiscing, threat. Ian Doyle.

Reunion : Now Scratch is dead, an old friend can return. Hotch, Rossi. Friendship, humour.

Remember Me? : 4 chapters. Derek and Em are kidnapped. Torture, blood, talk of SA, violence.

Parallels : Tiny piece written from an image I saw of CME. Rossi, friendship, bereavement.

Surrogate Sisters : 4 mini JJ/Em friendship fics moving through the series. Some angst, scars, humour.

Poison Ivy Ya Come Creepin' : Humour. Em gets stung. Swearing. Rossi.

Clueless Babysitter's Club : Penelope and Em are the WORST babysitters. Humour.

Trust : Em is back from Paris - but not all Agents trust her. Heavy angst. Slut shaming, self doubt. Hotch friendship. Nasty agents. Boo.

A Better Life : Em and Andrew adopt. 5 chapters. Angst and fluff.

Whole Again : Rossi makes Em feel good in her first day as chief. Friendship.

Butterflies : Filler fic on how Em spent those first days grounded at the BAU.

Opening Up : Andrew asks Em about her scars. Fluff, injury, scars.

Option A : What if the team DIDN'T fake Em's death? Angst. Ian Doyle.

A Dish Best Served Cold : I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. Ep 300 SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PRENTISS EP!! So now it friggin' well is. Angst. Reid.

Medals : Em gets an award, but it doesn't make her happy. Rossi. Angst. Stephen Walker death.

Loving/Loved : 2 chapters. Em visits Declan. Angst, fluff. Doyle.

Compartments : Returning from Paris, Em must face Ian again. Angst, fear, injury. Hotch, Declan, Doyle.

Coming To ; Em comes out of her coma alone. Bleak. Post Doyle. Injury, angst. Hotch, JJ.

Damage Limitations : Em tries to help Hotch deal with the spectre of Foyet. 'Haunted' ep. Friendship. Angst.

For Him ; short fic as Em fakes Declan's death.

Drinking Buddies; 3 chapters on Derek/Emily's friendship through the show. Drinking, humour, scars.

A Crack In The Past ; A case brings back memories for Em. Reflections of desire related. Torture, injury, war. Rossi friendship.

Dandy-Lion : Post Minimal Loss, Em turns to Spencer for comfort. PTSS, injury, fear, nightmares, comfort, friendship.

Growing Up : Teen Em makes a few decisions about her future. Hotch friendship.

Paternally Yours : 6 short fics on Rossi/Em's friendship through the years. Angst, humour, injury.

Desperately Seeking Emily : Heavy angst. Post Doyle. Emily is lost and Rossi tries to help. Angstangstangst, injury, shame, comfort.

The Promises I Make : JJ asks Em for a special favour. Fluff.

Boys Don't Cry ; Em interrogates a lad who reminds her of herself.

Scratches That Won't Heal : The after effects of Mr Scratch plague Em. Angst, PTSS, panic attacks. JJ friendship, ccomfort.

Becoming ; Emily is becoming Lauren. She IS Lauren. Angst. Doyle.

Pig Farming 101 : Humour. Derek, Penelope, Em.

Good Dog : 'Keeper' related. Em connects with Todd. Reid.

Facing It Together : JJ helps Em through a nightmare. Angst, injury, Doyle.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda ; 7 chapters, one for each team member, relating to how they cope with Em's death. Angst angst and a little more angst.

Motel : Em has a one night stand, but her scars are an issue. sex, scars, shame. Nothing too explicit.

The Day After ; Rossi talks with Em the day after Demonology. Angst, friendship.

Maths Is A Very Serious Topic ; Post Paris. Em and Derek tease Spencer. Humour.

Could I..? : Em has feels for Andrew. Injury, fluff.

Last To Leave : 9 year old Em wait in vain for her parents to collect her from school. Awful parents.

Check : Gideon weighs up the newest member of the team: Prentiss.

I Am... I Was.. ; Lauren Reynolds is dead, but not cold. Angst. Tsia.

Pennyroyal Tea : 3 chapters. Em has therapy. Doyle, injury, self doubt, bad memories, comfort.

Sallow Skinned, Starry Eyed, Blessed In Our Sin : BLEAK!! Just hopelessly bleak. Em is back from Paris and feels like she has nothing. Ouch.

You Were There For Me. I Am There For You. : 6 chapters, one for each character. 2 stories per chapter of friendship: Em with; Derek, Hotch, Spencer, Dave, Penelope and JJ.

Coffee And Hot Sauce ; Teen Em is suspended from college. Hotch friendship.

Memories ; Being at JJ and Will's house brings back memories for Em. Angst, abortion, bad parenting. Rossi friendship.

Against The Clock ; Diffusing a bomb?? pfft. Easy. Angst. 'Run' related. Will, JJ, Hotch.

A Phone Call Away : After Maeve's death, Em calls Spencer. Angst, grief, comfort.

Anniversary ; Oh, angst. Anniversary of the abortion. Anniversary of the stabbing. Joyful, as you can imagine. Not :) xx

The Worst Of Times : Hayley is dead and Em tries to comfort Aaron. Grief, love, friendship.

Coming Home : Em returns to the US to catch the Tribute killer... but the experience is overwhelming. Angst, self doubt, grief. Comfort. Rossi friendship.

Imaginary Friends ; Alone in Paris, Em imagines how each of her friends could help her. One chapter per friend. Angst, injury, loneliness.

Adrenaline : Em loses her cool going after Dale Shrader (Retaliation). Angst, anger, injury.

Parents ; God Em's parents are SO AWFUL. Angst, shame, Rossi friendship. 2 chapters.

Cavalry : The team save Em from her awful parents. 2 chapters.

Baptism ; After her return from Paris, is Em immortal or does she have a death wish? 'Epilogue' related.

Four Times Emily Prentiss Was Alone For A Nightmare And One Time She Wasn't : I am an evil, evil bitch. Sorry. Clearly this isn't a fun fic.

Forgiveness Is Divine : References to abortion and child death. Rossi heals some of Em's wounds. Angst and comfort.

Something To Remember Me By : Dave takes Em out for dinner before she heads to London. Friendship.

Poisonous : 'Amplification' related. JJ and Em discuss their fears on the case.

If That Mockingbird... : Em is 5. Her parents say she is bad. Agh...awful parents again.

Desert Garden ; Who has been sleeping in Dave's office? Angst. Doyle arc. Despair and sadness.

Making It Better : Em has a nightmare on the jet, and Derek isn't s sympathetic as JJ at first. Nightmares, injury, Doyle arc, hurt/comfort.

Paths That Cross : Paris, 84. Rossi meets a young teenaged girl who is lost in the world. My heart hurt writing this. Angst, and ugh... sad little Em.

It Is What It Is : '25 to life' related. Em's ability to compartmentalise had all but crumbled by now. Angst, death, blood. Derek friendship.

Pieces : A collection of fragments from Demonology. JJ, Hotch, Rossi, angst.

Unhappy Birthday ; Rossi has visited Yates again on his birthday. But he has a visitor who helps him heal. Friendship, angst. Em.

On Your Side : Jordon Todd has a friend in Emily.

Till The End Of The Day : Em needs to apologise to Dave. S15.

Esta Bien Querida : 'Rite of passage'. This case assaulted all of Em's senses. Angst, blood, death, talk of SA, petulance. Hotch, Derek, Dave.

Too Late : The team struggle individually to cope with Em's death. Angst, angst, guilt, angst.

Rendezvous : Em and Mick Rawson get together. Mild sex.

Shots : Derek, Dave and Em are injured on a mission. Copious blood, injury, hospitals, friendship.

After ; Dave talks to Em after Minimal Loss. Friendship, injury.

Quid Pro Quo : Strauss has Em over a barrel.

Just Cal My Name : Penelope helps Em relax after the Scratch ordeal. PTSS, massage, friendship, humour.

Confession ; Em has something to tell Dave. Guilt, angst, PTSS, scars, smoking, fear, friendship.

What She Needs ; Dave will be whatever Em needs him to be. Implied sex, scars, love.

Getting To Know You : New partners Morgan and Prentiss get to know one another.

[specialagentsergio]

wish i were

summary: Emily’s back where she belongs, but she’s learning that you can’t come back from the dead the same as you were before. Spencer’s reeling from betrayal and broken trust. Then there’s you—their safe port in the storm. But you’re not okay either, and you have a choice to make.

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader (unrequited), emily prentiss x f!reader

category: angst

content warnings: lots of swearing, mentions of/implied sex, mentions of vomiting (nothing descriptive), fighting, negative feelings towards other team members, bittersweet ending

a/n: it’s finally here. thank you all for your patience. i wasn’t planning on posting angst and unrequited love on valentine’s day, but i don’t want to wait another day to post this; i’m kinda sick of looking at it tbh. anyways, i hope you enjoy it and it lives up to your expectations. sorry it’s so long. apparently i have a lot to say.

word count: 8.7k

series masterlist || masterlist

Ten weeks ago.

“Absolutely not,” Emily croaks out. Her voice is rough and broken from the breathing tube, and it hurts her throat to speak, but she ignores it. “No. I won’t do it.”

She can hardly believe what she’s hearing. She’s only been awake for a few hours and she’s already fed up with the bullshit the world is throwing at her. Right now, it’s in the form of her boss asking her to fake her own death. “You can’t seriously think this is an acceptable solution.”

Hotch is unreadable, his unit chief face firmly in place. “It’s for your own safety.”

Emily scoffs, then immediately winces at the pain that shoots through her midsection. But she continues. “So put me in a safe house or something. I’m not making my friends bury me.”

“It’s for their safety as well,” he replies. “Doyle’s still out there. He’s targeted them before. You know he’ll do it again to get to you if he finds out you’re alive.”

“Then let them in on this,” she argues. “They can keep a secret.”

His expression slips—just a little bit, but she sees it. It’s hesitance.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” she asks, a feeling of dread settling over her. “I want to see her. I’m not making a decision like this without her.”

Hotch folds his arms over his chest. “It’s not your decision to make, Emily,” he says quietly. “It’s already done.”

Her breath catches in her throat. She looks him up and down, searching desperately for any sign that he’s lying, that this is all just some cruel joke, that any second now you’ll be walking through the door, a smile on your face—

There are none.

Her lungs burn and she’s forced to take in a breath. “You son of a bitch,” she whispers. “You... son of a bitch. How dare you? How dare you.”

He doesn’t so much as flinch as her voice increases in volume, which only serves to make her angrier.

“How fucking dare you! You let me see (Y/N) right now, you bastard!”

The door opens—her heart leaps—

It’s JJ, who, if Hotch is to be believed, is the only other one to know about this. JJ hurries to her side and reaches out, but Emily yanks her arm away.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she snarls. “You—” Her eyes land on the water pitcher on the table in front of her and she lunges forward, the searing pain it causes barely registering. She seizes it and throws it with all the force she can muster.

Hotch doesn’t move out of the way, letting it hit his chest and soak the front of his clothing. Its accompanying cup follows, then the TV remote. It’s not until she grabs the vase of flowers that he ducks out of the way. The glass shatters on the floor. All the while, she’s screaming obscenities at him.

JJ tries in vain to calm her down, holding up her hands placatingly. “Emily, please—”

“Don’t talk to me!” she yells. “You have the audacity to come in here and speak to me when you know I’m alive and my girlfriend doesn’t!”

“Emily!” Her voice is stern. “I understand you’re upset—”

“Don’t use your fucking mom voice on me, Jennifer, I’m not a fucking child—”

“What’s going on in here?” A pair of nurses enter the room, no doubt drawn by the commotion.

“She’s bleeding,” JJ answers immediately. “I think she might have aggravated something when she sat up.”

“She’s not supposed to be sitting up at all. What did you two do?” one of the nurses scolds.

“She just got some bad news—”

“Well, isn’t that a nice way to put it!” The nurses are trying to coax her into laying back down, but Emily resists it. “A really great way to describe the two of you trying to force me into letting my family and girlfriend think I’m dead!”

“I think some of the stitches tore,” the second nurse says.

“Go get the doctor,” the first one instructs an orderly standing in the doorway.

Movement catches Emily’s eye and she looks towards it to see Hotch taking a step backwards.

“Don’t you dare leave!” she screams. “I’m not done with you, you motherf—”

“Agent, please, you need to lie back.”

“And you two need to leave,” the older of the nurses says.

Then there’s a third person at her side. Judging by the white coat, it’s the doctor. “What’s the problem?” he asks them.

“She’s agitated and we think some stitches might have burst.”

“Damn right I’m agitated!” Emily cries. “They’re trying to—I—” She looks past the doctor to find that JJ and Hotch are gone.

“Emily, we’re going to give you something to help you relax,” he tells her.

Her vision goes blurry and she can’t figure out why until she feels the tears sliding down her cheeks. She lets the nurses push her back now and her head thumps against the pillow. “Please—” she chokes on a sob. “Please, I want to see my girlfriend.”

“What’s her name?” the doctor asks kindly.

“(Y/N). We’ve been together for almost a year. I need…” Her limbs are starting to feel heavy. “I need to call her, or—or something. She thinks… she thinks….”

“Shh, you’re okay,” one of the nurses soothes. “You’re going to be okay.”

Emily blinks slowly and shakes her head. “But she won’t be. She…”

The world fades to black.

---

There are tear stains on your pillowcase.

That’s the first thing Emily notices when she walks into your bedroom. She recognizes them so quickly because similar ones were on her pillows in Paris.

“Sorry, I’ve been meaning to run the sheets through the wash,” you say when you notice her looking.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” She sets her bag on the bedside table, careful to jostle Sergio as little as possible. He’s in her arms, pressed against her chest and purring loudly. He definitely remembers her—she’d been a little worried that he wouldn’t.

Emily is absolutely exhausted. It has been a very long day. Doyle is dead, Declan is safe, and now all she wants to do is take a nice, hot shower and curl up in bed with you. But you haven’t been able to keep eye contact with her for more than a few moments at a time.

She expected something like this to happen. She knew once the relief of seeing her alive wore off, there was going to be a heap of more, uglier emotions surfacing.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

You glance up at her just briefly, busying yourself with stripping off the pillowcases and replacing them with a clean set. “I don’t know what to say, Emily,” you sigh. “I just… I don’t.”

She strokes Sergio’s back a couple of times to calm herself before replying. “You can say anything. You’ve been through so much, and I… I’m not going to hold what you’re feeling against you.”

You shake your head. “I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.”

It confirms her suspicions. “(Y/N), you’re allowed to be mad at me,” she says. “Hell, you could even yell at me if you wanted to and I’d be okay with it.”

You snort. “I don’t want to yell at you. But, um, could I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“Okay. Well…” You shuffle from one foot to the other. “I’m… not really sure how to ask this, but, how… how did this happen?”

Your voice is hesitant. You’re holding back, but Emily can read between the lines. “You mean, how could I let you think I was dead?” she corrects softly.

You breathe in sharply and wrap your arms around yourself. Your eyes are wet when you look up at her and nod.

Emily tries not to let her next words come out too fast, lest it seem like she’s dismissing your feelings or making excuses. “I didn’t get a choice.” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat. “When I came to after surgery, the funeral had already been held.”

Your mouth drops open. You stare at her for a few seconds, then blink several times. Your eyes move around, focused on nothing in particular as you try to process what she’s just told you. Eventually, they settle on the bedroom door behind her. “I’m gonna punch his face,” you whisper.

Emily can’t stop the genuine laugh that bubbles out of her. “Yeah, Hotch heard similar things from me.”

“Oh my god, Em,” you breathe out, and her heart skips a beat at the nickname. “That must have been awful.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t fun,” she admits. “But at least I knew you were alive and that I’d see you again someday. It can’t come close to what you went through.”

You shake your head. “This isn’t the suffering Olympics. It was harder for you in some ways than it was for me, I’m sure. Like, if I was waking up after being stabbed, I’d want my girlfriend there holding my hand.”

Emily’s eyes prick with tears as she listens to you, remembering how it felt to be at the hospital without you there to hold her hand through all the scary bits. But you? You had buried her, and now you’re here considering how Emily had felt throughout all this. She’s not sure if you’re actively trying to make her fall even more in love with you, but if you are, you’re succeeding.

“I can’t promise to never be mad at you about this,” you continue, “but I’ll take being mad at you for actually being alive rather than being mad at you for dying.”

“That’s… really mature of you,” she observes.

“I started seeing a therapist a few days after the funeral,” you say with a shrug. “Can you put Sergio down and help me change the bed sheets?”

She nods and places him gently on the floor. She’s about to ask why you’re wanting to change them right now, when you’re clearly just as exhausted as she is, when she finds a tie wedged between the top and fitted sheets at the foot of the bed. She frowns as she lifts it up—it’s not one she recognizes as yours or hers, but she does think she’s seen it before.

“Oh, so that’s where that went,” you say.

“I don’t remember you having a tie like this. Is it new?”

“It’s Spencer’s,” you clarify.

“Oh. What… what’s it doing in your bed?” she asks hesitantly.

“He would stay over sometimes when I couldn’t sleep and he’s too long—“ you spread your hands apart “—for either of the couches.”

“I see.” Emily smooths out the wrinkles in the fabric and crosses the room to put it on top of the dresser, trying to tamp down the sting of jealousy. The other side of your bed is supposed to be hers.

“Nothing happened,” you say and she realizes she’s frowning.

“I know,” she replies, and she does—she just wishes it had been her in the bed with you. But you’ve at least given her a good lead-in for her surprise. “Anyways, you wouldn’t have even had the time with the amount of online Scrabble you were playing.”

Now it’s your turn to frown. “How do you know about that?”

The corner of her mouth turns up. “I was there for every game, sergio2010.”

It takes you a moment to put it together. “You’re cheetobreath?” you ask. “I thought that was JJ.”

“It was her idea,” Emily says. “And that’s what you were supposed to think.”

Your reaction delights her—you start laughing. “That’s ridiculous!”

“I had to stick it to Hotch somehow,” she defends, barely holding back her own laughter.

You shake your head fondly as you finish tucking in the fresh sheets. Emily helps you spread the comforter back over the bed and return the pillows to their spots. She isn’t sure what to do after that, though, and nervously clasps her hands in front of her. You’re silent for a few seconds, watching her from across the bed.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” you say eventually.

“Um, okay,” she replies. “But you know, I could go stay at a hotel instead if you’d prefer.”

You shake your head. “You’re gonna join me.”

“Ah.” Emily swallows, part nervous, part thrilled. “That’s… I mean, yeah. Okay.”

You hold out your hand in invitation; she circles the bed and takes it.

After, when you’re both clean and settled into bed, she pulls you as close to her as she can. “This is so nice,” you sigh into her skin. “You’re so soft, Em.”

Her eyebrows furrow. “Um, thank you?”

“Spencer’s bony,” you explain.

Emily snorts. “Yeah, I know. I fell asleep on his shoulder on the jet a few years ago and it was painful.”

You giggle. “Did you know he talks in his sleep?”

“Morgan’s mentioned it. You learn anything else when you were snuggled up with him?” she teases, running her fingers through your damp hair.

“It wasn’t like that,” you protest. “We didn’t snuggle. I’d just kind of… press my forehead on his arm and one leg against his.” Your voice lowers as you continue, “I just really missed being close to someone.”

“I did, too,” she whispers back. “I wish it had been me, but I’m glad you had him.”

You nod against her in agreement. “I love you, Emily,” you say, briefly tightening your grip on her.

“I love you, too,” she replies, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “So much.”

You drift off to sleep quickly, and she’s not far behind.

It’s the best sleep she’s had in months.

---

Spencer’s barely heard from you since the hearing last week.

He’d gotten plenty of texts from Jennifer (all of which he ignored), but only a few from you. That’s probably normal for most adult friends, but not for you two, especially so when the fact that you were the only two people not to apply for reinstatement to the BAU is taken into consideration. He thought that he’d be able to seriously talk about it with you, to share his feelings and maybe work it out together. But all he had gotten was a brief message:

Emily was reinstated, so I’m going back, too.

It left him frustrated, but when it came down to it, he understood—he was the same. Since you were going back, so was he.

On Monday morning, everyone’s first day back together, he gets off the elevator and is immediately confronted with the last person he wants to see.

“Hey, where have you been? I wanted to do brunch this weekend,” Jennifer says.

Spencer barely resists rolling his eyes, instead keeping them fixed on the file he’s holding. “I had to deal with some stuff with my mom.” It’s not a lie—he did have to check in with his mom. It just didn’t take as long as he’s implying. “Have you seen Garcia?”

“Uh, she’s with Rossi,” Jennifer answers, and she sounds startled by his behavior, but he doesn’t care. You’re at your desk, and as he passes by, he takes your arm.

“Wha—Spencer?” You’re taken aback, but you let him pull you along and into a file room.

“What?” you repeat when he turns to you after closing the door.

He tucks the file into his bag, the folds his arms over his chest. “I barely heard from you last week.”

Your eyebrows scrunch together. “Well, yeah, I’ve been busy,” you say. “Emily’s moving in with me so we’ve been taking her things out of storage and to my apartment to unpack.”

Spencer glances away, trying to ignore the stab of jealousy in his chest. Just two weeks ago, he was in your bed and he’s quickly been replaced. And sure, he knows you don’t feel that way about him, but it was easy to pretend you did when you were asleep right next to him. “Not busy enough to make a decision about work,” he points out.

“So?”

“You’re the only other one who didn’t apply for reinstatement to the unit,” he replies. “You’d think that would be something for us to talk about.”

“You never said you wanted to,” you say, giving him a little shrug.

He doesn’t resist the eye roll this time. Does Spencer know he’s being a bit unfair? Yes. Does he care? Not particularly. No one bothered to seriously check in with him last week. He wasn’t expecting everyone to, but he was expecting it from you. He’s only been at work for five minutes, but his emotions are already running high, and he doesn’t care to reign them in. “I didn’t think I’d have to.”

“You should’ve. I can’t read your mind.” Now you’re getting defensive. “And what does it matter, anyways? You’re not my boyfriend; I don’t have to run my decisions past you.”

“I know that,” he snaps. He really could have done without hearing you say that. “I’m just there to warm up your bed when you’re lonely is all, huh?”

You’re shocked for only a moment before pivoting to anger. “I didn’t make you do anything. You could’ve said no. And I certainly don’t owe you anything from it.”

“Clearly,” he mutters.

You heave an angry sigh. “Look, I know you’re mad about the whole thing, but don’t take it out on me. I don’t know why you’re so surprised that I wanted to spend the past week catching up with my girlfriend after thinking she was dead for ten weeks. If you wanted to talk, you should’ve said so. Stop being such an ass.”

Spencer doesn’t answer. You’re right, and he knows it, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to admit it. He just looks down at the floor, avoiding your glare.

When it becomes clear to you that he has no intention of responding, you mutter, “whatever” under your breath and duck behind him, walking out of the door and leaving him alone again.

---

The case has been miserable.

In rural Oklahoma, their unsub is burning his victims with acid. Not the worst they’ve seen, but not pleasant, either—this job never is.

You’re still mad at him, which is bad enough, but he’s also had to watch you be far more… touchy with Emily than you ever were before. It’s not super apparent—you still keep it professional at the local P.D. and when you’re out on work assignments, but you’re going out of your way to find any excuse to touch her that you can outside of that.

Then there’s the motel they’re staying at and its thin walls. He heard a few things last night from your room next door. It was quickly followed by shushes, but he heard enough to infer what was going on. So he’d dug his noise-canceling headphones out of his bag. It had been a good solution at the time, but then he’d fallen asleep with them on. As a result, he’d slept with his neck at an odd angle. It’s midday now and it’s still aching.

To top it all off, there’s Jennifer. He’s been trying to keep his distance from her, and had thought the snide remarks he hadn’t been able to hold back might encourage her to stay away. But she keeps pressing the issue, and when she tells him she thinks he’s mad about micro-expressions, he can’t hold it back anymore.

“You think it’s about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

She protests, so he brings up Dilaudid. He knows it’s a low blow, and that she still feels guilty about them splitting up all those years ago, leading to his abduction and subsequent problem, but he doesn’t care. He just wants her to hurt like he is.

The team is staring and Emily says his name, but he just tells Jennifer that it’s too late to be sorry and leaves without another word.

Outside, he sits on the curb in front of one of the SUVs and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He’s not alone for long, though. Just a few minutes later, he hears footsteps coming from behind him. The sound that involuntarily comes out of his throat can only be described as a growl.

“God, Jennifer, what do I have to do to get you to understand that I want you to leave me the fuck alone!” he nearly yells.

But it’s not Jennifer that answers. “It’s me,” you say softly.

Spencer sighs. He drops his hands from his face but doesn’t open his eyes. “What?”

“Can I sit?”

He’s not sure he wants to be around anyone, but it’s hard for him to say no to you. “Sure,” he says dully.

You join him on the curb, but keep a few feet of space between you. You don’t say anything, though, just sit quietly, letting him make the first move.

“How are you okay?” he asks eventually.

“What?” You sound incredulous. “I’m not sure where you got that idea. I’m so mad at Hotch that I can barely breathe when I’m in the same room as him.”

Spencer considers this for a moment, recalling when everyone’s been in the same room during this case. He realizes that since he’s been preoccupied with you touching Emily and trying to avoid Jennifer, he’s missed how you tense up whenever you see Hotch, and that you keep him out of your eyesight whenever possible.

“But you’re fine with Emily,” he observes. That does honestly confuse him, because he’s mad at Emily as well. And if it had been you in her place? He’s not sure he’d ever be able to forgive you, even without you knowing the way he feels about you.

“For the most part,” you say. “I still feel a little mad at her sometimes, but it helps me to remember that it wasn’t her fault.”

He finally looks at you, raising an eyebrow. “Being alive in Paris and not telling you isn’t her fault?”

“She didn’t really get a choice. When she woke up after surgery, the funeral had already happened,” you explain. “Hotch made the decision without her.”

“Hmm.” He files that information away to think over later. “And Jennifer?”

You shrug. “I can’t be too mad at her, since she did so much for me during those weeks.”

He snorts. “Yeah, out of guilt.”

“Probably, yes,” you concede. “But not having to pack up Emily’s things and take them to storage myself, feeding Sergio and bringing him to stay with me, bringing me hot meals when I was surviving off of cereal alone because I could barely get out of bed, let alone cook for myself… it went a long way.”

On the one hand, it’s a bit comforting for him to hear how Jennifer helped the woman he loves. On the other, she could have ended your pain with three words—Emily is alive—but she didn’t. She let the woman he loves suffer the pain of the loss of a partner.

And she sure didn’t bring him hot meals.

This shouldn’t surprise you, Spencer. You’ve always been the afterthought. The burden. You should be used to this by now.

He clenches the fabric of his pants in his hands. “That doesn’t make me any less angry,” he mutters.

“That’s fine.”

“You can’t expect me to just—wait, what?”

“That’s fine,” you repeat. “I’m not trying to tell you to just get over it or whatever because she was nice to me. Like Em told me, you’re allowed to be mad.”

Spencer bites his lip, resisting the urge to ask you to stop calling her Em. You’re the only one that calls her that—or rather, is allowed to call her that, and it’s obvious why. It’s also similar enough to you calling him Spence that he’ll always start comparing himself to Emily when he hears it, and he’s been trying to stop doing that for months.

“Maybe you just, I don’t know,” you continue, drawing him out of his thoughts. “You could just try to be a little less passive aggressive with JJ?”

He opens his mouth, about to flat-out refuse, but before he can, you tack on, “For me? Just a little bit?”

God damn it.

“Only if she stops bothering me,” he says bluntly.

“Yeah, she, um… she was crying when I left, so I think she’s got the message now,” you say quietly.

He feels a bit guilty upon hearing that, but not enough to apologize, or even really regret it. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, he rationalizes to himself. She’s the one who decided to push it anyways.

After a few moments of silence, you reach out and pat his knee. “I love you, you know.”

He knows what you mean, knows that you don’t mean it like that, but his heart still skips a beat. He responds to you with a nod.

You push yourself to your feet, tell him to take all the time he needs, and you’ll see him when he’s ready to come back in, then walk away.

When he’s certain you’re out of earshot, he whispers back, “I love you, too.”

---

Emily sits down across from him on the plane, and Spencer is immediately reminded of the morning after he caught you and her together. That time, Emily had folded her hands in front of her on the table. This time, she slides something across it to him. He looks up from his book and sees his missing tie, wrinkles ironed out and folded neatly.

“It was in her bed,” she explains when his brow furrows.

Spencer wonders if that made Emily jealous.

He’s not a good enough person to not hope it did.

“Thanks,” he mutters, putting it away in his bag.

Emily’s quiet, but she doesn’t leave. She must have something else to say. He sighs. “What is it?”  

“Are you going to Rossi’s house tomorrow night?” she asks.

He looks back down to his book. “I don’t know. I’m not so sure I can make it.”

“Okay. Well, Reid, you can be mad at me for as long as you need to. I’m okay with that.”

Spencer frowns. He kind of wishes she wasn’t being so nice and understanding. It makes it harder to be upset with her, and he wants to be upset with her.

“I’d like to say something to you, though, if that’s okay,” she says.

He reluctantly looks back up. “What?”

Emily holds his gaze. “Thank you,” she says earnestly.

He blinks. “Uh, for what?”

Her voice wavers slightly with emotion as she speaks. “For looking out for her when I couldn’t.”

His eyes drift away from Emily and to the couch where you’re sleeping. “My pleasure,” he replies quietly. When he looks back at Emily, she has a curious look on her face.

For the first time, instead of panicking over keeping his secret, instead of shying away, Spencer looks right back at her. A few seconds later, he thinks he sees a flash of realization in her eyes, but it’s so quick he can’t be sure.

“Well, thank you,” she repeats, and takes her leave. He watches as she leans down and tucks the blanket closer around you. He closes his eyes, leans back in his seat, and imagines a world where he was the one adjusting it instead.

---

“You’re gonna go weeks, months even, feeling fine. And then you’re gonna have a bad day.”

Emily can barely get the hotel room door open, her hands are shaking so much. A bad day. What Hotch called it, she thinks, was a bit of an understatement.

She’s just come back from taking a witness statement to help wrap up the piano man case—or rather, she was trying to take one.

“I was told that you would only give your statement to me.”

“Why didn’t you let me pull the trigger?” Regina asks.

“Because you would be in prison.” Emily understands why Regina is mad at her, and she’s fine with taking the brunt of it. Lying to her to stop her from shooting the unsub was the right thing to do. “I know it’s hard--”

“No, you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like…” Regina pauses briefly, anger radiating off of her. “When the monster from your nightmares comes back for you.”

Emily breaks eye contact and looks down. She knows exactly what that’s like.

Regina recognizes it. “Wait--”

Redirect, redirect, redirect. “Look, I’m here as a courtesy--”

“Something happened to you.”

“So do you want to give me your statement or not?”

But Regina is relentless. “What did you do to him, huh? Did you arrest him like a good FBI agent? Or did you kill him?”

Emily sits down heavily on the spare bed, drawing your attention away from packing up your things for the flight home. “Em?”

She just shakes her head, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and closing her eyes. “It was the right thing,” she whispers to herself. “It was the right thing. I did the right thing.”

You sit down next to her and place your hand on her back. “What happened?”

Emily swallows hard, feeling sick to her stomach. Her hair is sticking to the back of her neck; she tilts her head to try and dislodge it. You catch on and pull it to the side for her.

“Talk to me, baby,” you urge gently. “Just something, anything I can do to help.”

She takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down enough to speak. “I—I think,” she stutters. “I th—think I just ruined a woman’s pe—peace of m—mind for good.”

You start rubbing circles on her back and ask, “How?”

“You know, when they talk about victims getting revictimized by the system, they mean you.”

Emily shudders involuntarily. “I… you know how we found the unsub with a—a victim?”

Slowly, in sentences fractured by gasping breaths, swallows to hold back the nausea, and even a few sobs, she recounts what Regina said to her.

You murmur something under your breath that she doesn’t catch, then, ever so gently, you pull her into your arms.

Emily Prentiss isn’t one to break down, not in her own home and especially not in front of others. She controls any “negative” emotions as best as she can, her feelings only displayed through a trembling voice, misty eyes, or run-down nails. Screaming, tears, and nervous gestures were not befitting of an ambassador’s daughter, after all, and those habits formed in childhood have stayed with her until this day.

But there’s one person who’s the exception. There’s one person with whom those walls just don’t seem to exist. That person, of course, is you.

You pull her into your arms, and Emily Prentiss breaks down, because she can. She can because she knows you’ll be there to help put her back together again.

“You never had a chance to mourn your own death, did you?”

She hadn’t understood what her therapist meant when she said it yesterday morning, but Emily thinks she does now. This time last year, what Regina said would have unsettled her, and she would have felt sorry for her, but she probably wouldn’t have dwelt on it much. It’s not last year, though. It’s this year, and she’s coming undone in your embrace over Regina’s words, words she knows will never leave her.

“I didn’t pull the trigger.”

“Still… your monster’s dead. I have to live with mine. That’s my statement.”

Emily has a promise to keep, so she boards the jet early. A few minutes later, Hotch slides into the seat across from her and waits. It still takes her a few moments to collect herself enough to say the words.

“I’m having a bad day.”

---

Spencer’s not sure if you’re going to be able to keep doing this job. He became very familiar with your nervous tics and outward signs of stress during those weeks, and now he can notice them almost immediately.

You seemed okay for the first few months. A few habits cropped up now and then—biting your lip, tapping each fingertip to your thumb in turn—but that was fairly normal. It’s a stressful job.

But then your bottom lip starts getting chapped again, and during conversions with anyone other than Emily, you’re quiet; you often have to be prompted to share your thoughts.

He tries to find out what’s wrong, but when he asks, you shut it down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” he says quietly. “But, um, you probably should talk to… somebody, you know?”

You barely look up from your paperwork as you respond. “I appreciate the concern, but I’ve been seeing a therapist since this whole shitshow started. I’ve got Emily, too. If anything, I should be telling you to go talk to a professional.”

Spencer just says “okay” again, then a few minutes later he excuses himself to go hide in the bathroom and nurse his hurt feelings. He knows you weren’t trying to be mean. Flipping around the suggestion to him most certainly came from a place of love. But he’s not interested in receiving any kind of psychiatric care—he’s actively opposed to it. So being told anything of that sort upsets him and often makes him angry.

Today it’s just salt in the wound, though. The wound itself is Emily. And god, does he ever feel guilty about the resentment that crops up every time her name is in your mouth. She was dead, and every day she was gone, he wished she weren’t. He cried countless tears over her and would’ve given anything to at least be able to say goodbye.

Then the impossible happened—she came back. He didn’t have to say goodbye at all. And sure, there was the initial relief and happiness, and the warmest hug ever, but now he finds himself resenting her. He’d never wish for her to be gone again, but he can’t stop the jealousy, no matter how hard he tries.

Recently, when Emily was shot during a case in California, he held back your hair as you leaned out of the door of the SUV and threw up upon receiving the news. Spencer Reid would never deny that he’s a germaphobe, but he wants that. He wants to be the one taking care of you, the one whose shoulder you fall asleep on, the one going home with you at the end of the day.

He doesn’t want Emily gone, never, ever again, but he wants you back. Those ten weeks, as awful as they were, weren’t the worst he’s had, because during that time, you were always seeking him out. He knows you didn’t want him that way, but if Emily had really been gone, he thinks one day, that might have changed. The thought always brings tears to his eyes.

Still, he would settle for having you the way he did during the years before he fell for you. Things just haven’t been the same since Emily came back. You don’t stay up late talking anymore. You haven’t a movie night in months. You don’t ask about the books he’s reading or what he did over the weekend. This is it: this is exactly what he was afraid of happening when he found you with Emily.

Spencer doesn’t think it’s personal. He thinks it’s because you’re barely hanging on these days, and just don’t have the energy anymore to do things like you used to.

It still hurts, though. He wonders if it’ll ever stop hurting.

---

Respite can come at the strangest of times and in the oddest of ways. Today, it comes to Emily in the middle of a hostage situation at a bank, in the form of a job offer.

The team is trying to find the I.D. of the Queen of Hearts, one of the robbers, when she gets a surprise call from Clyde Easter, her old Interpol Unit Chief, who gives her the information he knows about the unsub. He doesn’t know her name, but he reminds her that she’s seen the unsub before, at a robbery in Paris while she was living there. Then when the team learns that their unsubs want to fly out to Chad, she calls him back.

“Well, unfortunately Interpol doesn’t have many assets in that particular region in Africa. Maybe that’s something you could help me with when this is over.”

Emily scoffs. “Work for Interpol again? That’ll be the day.”

“Not work, darling. Run,” he corrects. “You see, I’ve been promoted. So, the team’s yours whenever you want it.”

“It’s a hell of a time to bring that up,” she says, ignoring the questioning glances she’s getting from you, Reid, and JJ.

Clyde asks her to think about it, but there’s no time to do that now. She pushes it to the back of her mind and goes back to work.

By the time the day is over, she’s tired. Just tired. You both narrowly survive the explosion in the bank thanks to the alcove you were in, trying to help two elderly patrons. Then a mere hour later, you scare the shit out of her by finding Will strapped to an active bomb and deactivating it yourself. So Clyde’s offer doesn’t come up again until the next morning, when light is spilling through the curtains, illuminating the bedroom with a soft, warm glow.

You face each other in bed, legs twined together under the covers. “What was that about working for Interpol again?” you ask softly, tucking your arm under your head.

“Clyde was promoted,” she replies just as quietly, as to not disturb the peaceful morning feeling. “He offered me his old job. He wants me to run the London office.”

Your eyes widen. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“How are you feeling about that?”

Emily blows out a breath. “I’d like to at least… consider it.”

You reach out, finding her hand in the sheets and lacing your fingers between hers. “What’s stopping you?”

“I’m sure you can guess,” she replies, squeezing your hand back.

“Well, then I think you’re more than just considering it,” you say. “You wouldn’t bring it to me if you didn’t want to take the job.”

Emily thinks for a moment, then admits, “I… I do want to take it. But I have to know what you think, honestly.” She was already robbed out of making one life-changing decision without you in this past year. She has no interest in that happening again.

“Honestly?” you repeat, shifting a little. At her nod, you continue, “I think it’s a good option for us.”

“Us?” she asks, eyebrows raising.

“Yeah, us,” you affirm. “What, you think I’m just going to stay here if you move away?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe. This is the first time we’ve talked about something like this.”

“Fair point,” you say, then sigh. “We’re… both struggling here in D.C., Em. I know it and you know it. This place, this team. It used to be my home, but now, I just… it’s not like it was before.”

“You don’t trust Hotch anymore,” Emily says quietly.

You let out a small, broken chuckle. “I’ve tried. I’ve been trying so hard. I know he did what he thought he had to, but I just… I can’t.”

“It’s okay to feel that way,” she points out. She lets go of your hand to reach up and wipe away a tear that breaks your lash line. “In fact, I’d say it’s reasonable, with what you went through.”

You close your eyes and nod, putting your hand on top of hers to keep it on your cheek. “I know it’s been hard for you, too.”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “I wanted to come back, and at first, I felt like I was home. But I just can’t go back to my old life and pretend that nothing happened. The only time I feel at home now is… well, it’s when I’m alone with you, just like this.”

“Emily Prentiss, I had no idea you were such a romantic,” you say, cracking a smile.

“Oh, stop,” she says, but she’s blushing. When your giggles subside, she speaks again. “I would love for you to come to London with me. But I don’t want you to forget what you’d be leaving. There’s still a lot of good here.”

You nod. “There is. I’m just not sure it’s enough anymore,” you say softly.

“I understand. You can think about it. I don’t need an answer now.”

So you don’t give her one, not right away. But you do a few hours later. So Emily picks up her phone and dials Clyde’s number.

---

JJ’s a beautiful bride, but Spencer’s eyes keep drifting over to you. The dress you’re wearing tonight is wonderful; from the cut to the color, it suits you perfectly. But that’s not what’s really got his attention. It’s the way you’re carrying yourself. You’re smiling, and you seem truly happy, without any reservations. But there’s also a bit of sadness clinging to you, and he can’t tell what’s causing it.

The party has been going on for a while by the time he finds himself dancing with you. You’d asked him, and now you’ve steered him a little ways away from everyone else. “There’s something I have to tell you,” you say just as he’s about to ask what’s going on.

To his dismay, he doesn’t have a clue what it’s going to be. He doesn’t like not having at least an idea. He swallows, then says, “Okay.”

You can’t meet his eyes; you look down to the floor instead and watch your feet move in time together. So whatever it is, I’m not going to like it, he thinks, and his anxiety spikes. “What is it?” he asks, tightening his grip on you without really meaning to.

You take a deep breath, then look up. “Emily and I are leaving.”

His heart drops and he stops in his tracks, causing you to stumble a little over his feet. “Oh, shi—sorry,” he says. “I just—you’re leaving the BAU? But you’re still going to be in D.C., right?”

You sigh, then guide him off the dance floor and to a quiet spot not too far away. “You remember what Emily said about working for Interpol again yesterday?”

“Interpol?” he repeats, his voice pitching upwards. “You mean, like, overseas?”

“London, to be specific.”

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He doesn’t know what to say. Things were a little rocky between you and him when Emily came back, and for a little while afterwards, sure, but recently he’d started to feel like he had his best friend back.

Apparently he couldn’t be more wrong.

Spencer’s used to people leaving. First it was his dad, then Ethan. Elle was next, quickly followed by Gideon. JJ was forced out, and although she ended up coming back, it didn’t erase the pain he felt in her absence. And then there was everything that happened with Emily.

So, Spencer’s used to people leaving. In a way, he almost expects it.

He just wishes it would stop hurting so damn much.

What is it about me? he wonders. What is it that makes people run away? There’s clearly something wrong with--

“Hey!”

He jumps, startled out of his introspection. When his eyes refocus on you, you put your hands on your hips.

“I don’t appreciate people being mean to my best friend, you know,” you tell him seriously.

“Uh…” He blinks a few times. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“That includes him being mean to himself,” you continue. “I know what you were thinking.”

“What? No, you don’t,” he protests.

“Don’t I?” You put the tip of your finger on your chin. “Was it or was it not something along the lines of, people always leave me, why do they do that, there must be something wrong with me?”

He hates that you’re right, so he doesn’t answer, just scowls and looks away.

“It’s not true, you know.”

“Sure,” he mutters. Sure it isn’t. You’ve only just added your name to the list.

“I mean it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Look at me.”

Spencer doesn’t, and your resulting sigh sounds so frustrated, and then he thinks, Oh, great work, Reid. (Y/N) tells you she’s leaving and what do you do? You piss her off. Honestly, it’s no wonder--

And then your hands are on his face, cradling his cheeks, and he’s too surprised to resist your gaze anymore.

“It’s not your fault, Spencer,” you say, your voice equal parts firm and gentle. “You didn’t drive me away. Not even close. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He sniffs, trying to hold back the sudden onslaught of emotions you’ve just caused. “Well, I could have gone without picking a fight with you on our first day back at work,” he says, sniffling again.

“What’re you tal—Spencer, that was almost a year ago.”

“Nine months.”

“Whatever. The point still stands. You’re not why I’m leaving, okay? You’re…” you trail off and he’s alarmed to see your eyes grow wet. “You’re the opposite, actually. You were the only thing keeping me here when Emily was gone. And now, you’re why it’s so hard to leave.”

“I am?” he whispers before he can think better of it.

“You are,” you affirm. “I think Emily’s actually a little worried you’re gonna talk me out of it.”

It gets a laugh out of him, but right after a little sob escapes him and he squeezes his eyes shut. When you hug him, he immediately reciprocates, wrapping his arms around your middle tightly.

“Hey, this isn’t the end, okay?” you say, and he can tell from the way your voice is trembling that you’re crying, too. “I know you like to ignore it, but we do live in the digital age, and I’ll be hounding you to talk to me at least once a week. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“I’d certainly hope not,” he murmurs, resting his head on your shoulder.

The two of you stay like that for a while, just holding each other, trying not to cry too much. Eventually, you pull away. “Besides, it’s not like I’m leaving first thing in the morning. Our flight isn’t for another ten days. I’m gonna be around.”

Spencer nods. “Okay.”

“Okay,” you repeat, then swipe at your face, clearing away the tears. “Um, we should head back. You still owe me a dance.”

And dance with you he does, swaying gently from side to side with his hand resting on your waist. A look over your shoulder shows Emily and Derek dancing in a similar manner; judging by the way he’s holding her, she told him the news as well.

He has an eidetic memory, but Spencer makes the effort to commit this moment to his brain all the same. He wants to remember the way you’re holding him, resting your head on his chest and running your thumb over the back of his hand every so often. He wants to remember how your skin feels against his, the texture of your hair. The lighting in the backyard and the way it makes you glow. The words that you said, telling him that it’s not his fault, that nothing’s wrong with him. He’s not quite sure he believes it, but you’ve never lied to him before, so he’ll try to accept it.

The song ends, and tears threaten to fall again when you pick up your head and take a step back.

“Hey, no more crying tonight,” you say. “Because if you start crying, I’ll start crying, and I don’t want to cry any more tonight. Save it for my grand exit at the airport terminal.”

That makes him break into a smile and he’s able to blink back the tears. “Okay.”

“Do you mind if I take this dance?” It’s Emily, and she’s looking at him, head tilted in your direction.

“Oh, um.” He clears his throat. “No, um, go—go ahead.”

He passes your hand to her, and what he feels is silly. You’re not some prize to be won; you don’t belong to anyone other than yourself. But he feels like he’s passing you off to Emily, almost… entrusting you to her. The look Emily gives him makes him think she understands this.

“Wait,” you say before she can properly take you into her arms. You lean towards him and press a kiss to his cheek.

Spencer doesn’t stay around to watch you two dance. He retreats back into the house, fingertips on the spot you kissed. He lets them sit there for a moment, then forces himself to drop his hand. It’s far past time for him to try and move on. He doesn’t want you to leave, but it might be what he needs.

Maybe, just maybe, with some distance, he can begin to heal.

---

On the first day at work without you, Spencer finds a small frame on his desk. He immediately recognizes the picture inside of it—it’s the one you’d kept as your lockscreen for months, much to his dismay.

It’s a picture from the relatively early days of your friendship, well before he felt anything that wasn’t platonic towards you. You’d dragged him out on a weekend off to a nearby amusement park, because, “you can’t die without having ridden a roller coaster at least once, Spence.” He had no desire to do so, but he didn’t have any other plans, so he went along with it.

The roller coaster ended up making him vomit, and the picture is from shortly after that. You’re holding up the camera with one hand and making a peace sign with the other, smiling from ear to ear. He still looks a little queasy, only managing a small smile, but he still looks somewhat happy. And he was, that day. Other than the nausea, he’d had a lot of fun with you.

He picks up the frame and feels something on the back of it. He flips it over and finds one of his lilac colored post-it notes, displaying your handwriting.

“When it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”

Tears blur his vision. Doctor Who. Of course you picked Doctor Who. And you’ve written something else, too, in smaller letters:

If you don’t answer my calls at least twice a month, I’ll tell JJ you’ve been stealing from her Cheetos stash for eight years. Love ya.

He laughs out loud, a little wet giggle that he has to follow up with a sniffle. He slips the note under the frame’s felt backing to keep it safe, then rearranges his things until he settles on the perfect spot for it to sit on his desk. He retrieves a fresh sticky note and scribbles down a reminder to himself to call you when he gets home, sticking it the cover of one of his books. After all, he can’t have JJ knowing about his thievery. The team’s good at what they do, but he doesn’t think anyone would be able to find his body once JJ’s done with him.

His eyes drift back to the photograph, coming to a stop on your face. He misses you already. He even misses the ugly bits, when you’d snapped at each other, when you were crying on his shoulder. When he saw you with Emily that first time. It’s an odd mix of emotions. Longing, nostalgia, grief, happiness, safety. Belonging.

Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.

Spencer couldn’t agree more.

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

oh my god, i can hardly believe it’s over. there’s still going to be a small epilogue, but it’s optional. thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who read and supported this series and your enthusiasm for it. you’ve made me so very happy. and if you relate to spencer in this, i want you to know you’re gonna find your someone someday. if that’s what you want, i believe you’ll find it eventually. much love to all of you. 💖

series taglist: @sobereinstein , @zizzlekwum , @goldensatine , @closetedreidstan , @afuckingshituniverse , @uswntxx , @johnmulaneyslut , @90spumkin , @mcntsee , @zhuzhubii , @shadyladyperfection , @mggbler , @eva-cadeau , @esmesisle , @anothergayinthelife , @wecouldbreakthedistance , @zozoleesi , @calm-and-doctor , i think that’s everyone?? so sorry if i missed you.