#elsabeth rambles

[johnthehobbit]

Posting some thoughts on this on here because instagram isn’t the place I put thoughts.

While for me there wasn’t a subtle transition of thoughts like the above quote implies. I remember the day this year, I think it was the 6th of August, when I was visiting a close friend who has moved far away with some other uni friends who I don’t see often. We were supermarket shopping (which I find really taxing) when I just broke down and started crying because my thoughts were suddenly no longer that the world would be better off without me and I was a huge burden who screwed everything up but that I wanted to live, I wanted to live. I was crying because I wanted to live and it was so hard, I didn’t know how to live.

I don’t know particularly what changed from one day to the next to change my perspective from better off dead. I do know I stopped giving so much energy to people who repeatedly hurt me, recognised how hard my internal voice was being on myself and that I would never treat anyone else that way and started taking note of when that happened. I also really threw myself into being focused at work and not letting my personal life be involved and asking any and every question I could to try and understand things, because if I was going to kill myself it didn’t matter if I screwed up and looked stupid (side note: since doing this works improved and seemingly no one things I’m stupid?)

Also significantly, because I was in such a bad place with food it became really easy to tell which foods made my body feel better (carrots, dried fruit, celery, lettuce) and which made me feel like I had less energy (crisps, certain pizzas, garlic bread, biscuits) so I started often eating the good foods and cutting down on the bad. Also that good sleep made an insane difference to my mental state, but that also included just staying awake if I woke up within two hours of the time I needed to get up because that two hours going back to sleep would involve some exhausting unsettling dreams.

I know that treating my thyroid condition has made a major difference. Even on too low a dose, the first week of taking it I felt like super woman. Suddenly I could do anything and it was amazing. When that wore off I was worried I was never going to have energy again but the right dose (which I started taking just after august) has made a huge difference. I can now skip a meal and not immediately crash out. (My coworkers would keep telling me to sit down because I’d turn grey which actually would have been really useful for Halloween).

It turns out having energy is incredibly important for being able to function as a real human (who knew?) , and on top of medically having no energy because of undiagnosed thyroid (I’m not exactly sure when it happened but I didn’t have another period after January 2022 and august to September 2022 I lost 10 kg so something was up) I was pushing myself to always be social, always do things because otherwise I was letting someone down. Now I’m on the right dose, the only things I allow myself to be super hard on myself about are not eating and sleeping properly (in the last 3 weeks I’ve actually been happy and it turns out when I get happy I throw self care out the window) I’m finding it easier to do a lot of things (supermarkets take me out still, but we’ll get there) I’m still working on making time for myself, steps have been taken but it’s the hardest thing to shift.

But the year is looking better and I want to live, it’s okay for me to live .

[senboago]

new tag dump?

[senboago]

so funny idea; say there’s an au where the quincies are gamers, and they be playing in a whole minecraft server. elsa would definitely be the sneaky little shit stealing from everyone, specifically bazz. but also when bazz runs out of cool shit for her to steal, she’d totally burn his minecraft house to the ground. @bazzardburner​

[senboago]

what does elsabeth and naomi have in common? losing their mom and hating shinigami.

[senboago]

elsabeth hc.

So how did someone like Elsabeth end up in his majesty’s army? A small, easily nervous, but childish and gentle young woman, with no other military background. Someone who doesn’t match the description of a soldier.

A simple answer; her mother, Agatha.

Originally Elsabeth was from a simple working class family, headed by Agatha after the sudden death of her husband during their child’s infancy. They were a close pair, as daughter admired mother and mother spoiled daughter. She was everything Elsabeth thrived to be; kind, intelligent, brave, and surprisingly elegant. The woman even had a good sense of humor, which her child seemed to inherit.

However, in the midst of the quincy genocide, her mother was one of those made victim.

Of course this struck Elsabeth hard. She built a careful wall around herself, isolating her emotions as much as possible. She forgo any idea on marriage or having her own family, fearful of abandoning her own child someday. However, becoming useless wasn’t something she wanted either. So, abandoning her homeland, she turned to Yhwach’s ever growing army.

It’s not a place where she finds peace or where she feels at home. Not that it’s meant to be. She actually hates it; the hierarchy of it, the grueling hours of training, the isolation from her comrades.

More importantly, she hates the very idea of the war.

But it’s really the only place she has to have any potential in the world.

[senboago]

just realized... if elsa and bazz had a ship name, it could just be easter. @bazzardburner​

[senboago]

@equipollency​ said: ✔ (for your quincy muses)

A quick and easy plotting guide Send me ✔ and I will bold my preferences for your muse!

My muse(s): Candice Catnipp, Elsabeth Morgenstern, & Leith Lister

Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me about your muse

Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other

Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship

Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other

I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other

Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests!

Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other

I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other

Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests!

Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other

I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other

Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests!

[senboago]

Look. I don’t care what quincy person you have. But I will happily enjoy every interaction between them and Elsabeth. Even if it spells trouble for her!

[senboago]

equipollency

How did she manage to pass the test tho? Bazz had to pass a test to get in, and they seemed to have high standards, plus strict military discpline once you’re in. so you probably need to be mentally as well as physically tough with a degree of commitment to your people and war to pass the test?

So I’ll admit I almost forgot about this, since you replied just before I went to bed. But I don’t wanna leave it unanswered, since I did take some time to think it over!

Anyways; the simplest answer I can give is... determination, patience, and years of dedication. There’s in no way she made it the first time, probably the first couple times she tried to join. She was still inexperienced while also wrought with grief. It was kind of a journey for her, where she had learned such discipline before she could be accepted. And that discipline did take a toll on her emotions, as she locked them away.

Now, I won’t say she completely abandoned them, and they do threaten to spill out. But she, along with other soldiers, is still human. She’s bound to break down eventually, or to even feel fear at some point, as is any soldier (such as the poor soul who ran but was killed by Quilge).

and might i say that’s fast approaching thanks to a certain punk who’s unintentionally burning his way through her big ice walls.

[senboago]

“I’m not done riding you, Soldat.”

ok but bazz could have had a better way to word this.

[senboago]

me knowing I need to give Elsabeth more backstory but also failing to think of anything in depth.

[senboago]

I will never get over these icons. I don’t even remember why I made them!? Aside from some crack shenanigans obv.

[senboago]

So I’m not sure if the age groups of my muses is obvious...? I know quite a few it is, but others it’s kind of... a guess. Thus here is a list of my muses and their estimated age groups (going by human age). Bleach muses, both oc and canon, only here.

Amaterasu Mochizuki: She actually died when she was in her late teens. However, her age now would be estimated to her early to late 20′s.

Candice Catnipp: Unfortunately a character who’s age was never revealed. If I had to guess, she’s another woman who appears in her 20′s, at the very least late 20′s. As for her actual age... I’ll have to get back on that in a later headcannon.

Chinatsu Yamamoto: Between 40′s and 50′s. She has some youthfulness still about her, but there are still a few wrinkles to reveal her age. And honestly, we can live with that.

Elsabeth Morgenstern: So Elsa here is a bit tricky. I imagine her in her mid to late 20′s. However, like the mun, she appears much younger. Like ten years younger. It’s a blessing and curse...

Haineko: Late 20′s to early 30′s. At least that’s how old I imagine Rangiku is, and her zanpakuto would reflect that too.

Kaede Shiba: Antoher late 20′s to early 30′s. She’s about the third eldest of my muses, but still surprisingly younger in comparison to Chinatsu or Unohana.

Leith Lister: Mid to late 30′s. Let’s be fair, he’s based off of Worick Arcengelo who’s also in his 30′s, so it only feels fitting.

Minako Kita: I know I had said early 20′s somewhere early in her development, but I feel that needs changed. I’m gonna claim her to be about mid to late teens. 

Mizuiro Kojima: Okay so! This one. This one is such an area I gotta be cautious of. While I do play the og high school Mizuiro, I do welcome roleplays of him in the time skip. So if it’s pre-time skip, in his teens (15-17) obviously, but post-time skip he’s coming to his late 20′s (27 specifically).

Naomi Mori: Late 20′s (29).

Retsu Unohana: My eldest muse currently. Let’s place her at about 60′s to 70′s.

Yachiru Kusajishi: Definitely 10, maybe younger. She is baby and an actual child.

[senboago]

so my muses if they were an era;

Amaterasu & Minako : probably the Meiji period. Minako’s a bit earlier than that.

Chinatsu, Kyoka, & Unohana : definitely feudal Japan, anywhere between the 12th to 17th century.

Elsabeth : uncertain, but possibly 16th century western Europe.

Kaede, Dina, Haineko, & Naomi : either 90s or 2010s/modern, or anywhere in between. 80s possibly for Dina.

Leith : obviously the 1920s, as that is the era he grew up so...

Candice : the 1930s- 1940s, WWII era. the US specifically.

[senboago]

I have a lot of muse for my snow queen. So anyone up to plotting, give this post a little like?

[senboago]

Seeing the drabbles meme... and wants to send in a couple for my smol soldier. But she’s not had much interaction so I’m just oh well.