#ellie williams pop figure

[kvhasproblems]

I GOT THEM ALLL🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

also peep my agents of shield collection and Ellie

(i have way more at my house, these are just the ones in my dorm room, one day i gotta show off my whole collection)

[cheyisagirlkisser]

CAMGIRL ELLIE

Camgirl Ellie AU: Ellie Williams x Fem! reader

Description: Ellie is a broke college student whose options are either selling weed on campus or doing filthy things on live for her mainly female audience. When another famous camgirl joins one of her lives, she is about to have the collab of a lifetime.

Content / Warnings: Femme camgirl reader, headcannon-style fic, explicit content, Jesse and Dina make cameos woah, Ellie is all cute and nervous for the first half, masturbation on camera, fingering & oral sex, use of strap-ons, reader is on receiving end, feminine reader, use of petnames (baby and mamas), breeding kinks, mult. orgasms. Enjoy the ride.

Word Count: 3.3k

★ Camgirl Ellie who is a sophomore in college, so broke and extremely desperate come with the territory. Like, Taco Bell is a luxury broke, and desperate as in she has applied to every job around campus. She even thought about dealing for a while, but as much as she loves a good smoke sesh, she'd rather not risk getting kicked out of school for something as dumb as selling blunts.

★ Camgirl Ellie who laughed when her friend Jesse suggested her being a camgirl.

"Why the fuck would I give old creepy dudes jerk-off material?"

Jesse laughed, grabbing a handful of cheetos from the bag in her hand. "Dude, you wouldn't be doing it for men. I mean, look at you." Jesse took a good, hard look at his friend; the several silver rings across her five fingers, a short-sleeve blue button up layered over a white wife-pleaser, and for god's sake, a pair of jorts that only Ellie could pull off. "You're clearly not for the male gaze."

After much (15 minutes) contemplation, she decided that maybe it'd be fun to get attention from girls and money at the same time.

★ Camgirl Ellie who is actually rather awkward and quiet around girls in the real world, cursing "fuck" under her breath when she sees a pretty girl but just doesn't know how to impress women in a way that doesn't come off as too forward or weird. That being said, she actually likes having a persona online where she can say anything she wants, and she definitely abuses the fact that she is allowed to say anything she truly feels like saying, and women will go crazy for it.

Sitting on her couch, propping up her iphone 11 on the coffee table with a pop socket she got like, 6 years ago so that the fans have a wonderful view of her stroking a strap-on with cheap lube she picked up from her local Walmart. Her bush is slightly peeking out from the harness, and the fans are getting filthy. Not as filthy as camgirl Ellie, though.

"Fuck, feels so good on my clit.." she groans, throwing her head back dramatically.

dykeluvr69 commented: oh my god y'all her happy trail i'm throbbing

wet4williams commented: i wish i could ride that strap

andersonsabs33 commented: mid💀

Ellie squints, anticipating all the thirsty comments, and scoffs at one, her hand jerking away from the silicone shaft for a moment to tell off some random.

"Suck my dick, andersonabs33."

fairydustonmyclit_2 commented: me next please!!

★ Camgirl Ellie who doesn't always have to be explicit to even get views. She finds that focusing the camera on her fingers while strumming her guitar can work wonders online. If she has had an exhausting day or is feeling anxious about getting naked in front of an overwhelmingly growing audience, she can always just show off her hands or say sweet things to her fans.

★ Camgirl Ellie who is not a virgin. She's had a few past girlfriends, no casual sex, but is pretty experienced from her long-term relationships. That being said, she never once has considered doing actual sex on camera for money. That changes when another famous (and nearby) camgirl joins her livestream.

Ellie's once again on her couch, two fingers doing figure eights on her clit as the view count rises. She's basically man-spreading to give her girls the best view possible, and not holding back from letting out breathy little groans and loud curses. Her fans go crazy when she has her tits out, so her sports bra is hitched up, her perky tits free and her nipples stiff.

"F-Feels so good, holy shit, wanna cum for my girls so bad," she groans, closing her eyes. Ellie doesn't view real masturbation as anything like her online work; if she were actually to be playing with her pussy all alone with no audience, she'd cum by now. But that doesn't make a profit, no. Longer time is important, and the more she ups the antics, teases her fans, the more comments can come in. The more donations arise and all that good shit.

Ellie teases her entrance with her middle finger, and her eyes flutter open as she eases the digit past her puffy folds.

She reads through the chat to hold out from cumming too quickly.

elliessluttygirl commented: i wish that was my hand playing w ur pussy ellie:(

Ellie smiles, curling her finger and moaning. She smiles lazily. "Yeah, slutty girl..wish it was yours, too."

As she adds a second finger upon the majority request in her comment section, she pauses at the feed.

urfavfemme has joined the livestream. Say hi!

Holy fuck. Ellie hasn't seen your videos, but the pink checkmark on your name means you're verified. Suddenly, Ellie is nervous as hell now. How is she supposed to act now, with some famous, probably fine woman watching her? She swallows and continues bucking up into her palm, but her fingers are slightly shaky now.

urfavfemme commented: ur pussy is so pretty.

Ellie laughs nervously at that. What the fuck is happening? But maybe she can use the situation to her advantage.

" 'urfavfemme', huh? Cute username," she coos, a little breathlessly because now she's getting closer to cumming, her nerves dying down as her fingers massage her sensitive walls. Ellie is so fucked up, she thinks to herself. She doesn't even know what you look like yet, why is she getting so crazed by you complimenting her?

urfavfemme commented: i wanna see that pretty pussy squirt please..

Ellie moans and squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, trying to wrap her head around it all. She gets dozens of comments just like these, thirsty ass girls drooling to her playing with herself or showing off a strap-on. Why is it that the idea of you, a self-proclaimed 'femme' making these comments is the thing that makes her belly all hot with the familiar ache of true need?

pixiestickpussy commented: holy shit this is so hot

wet4williams commented: is it just me or is smth going on with ellie and this camgirl chick

imonherefortheporn69 commented: i checked out the girl's content she's super hot dude

Ellie's head is spinning at the whole situation. It's overwhelming and she wants to just turn off the camera, but she's so close and getting desperate to cum. It is just so fucking hard when all of her girls are in an uproar over you.

urfavfemme commented: stretch me out on those fingers.

"Oh- Oh, my fucking god!! 'm cumming-" Ellie can barely keep herself from crying out as the waves shoot through her body throughout, a finger covering her clit to extend the orgasm that hits her so deeply. Her fingers are soaked more than usual, juices trickling down her knuckles. Her other palm is massaging over her tits, and for a moment, she forgets she is on camera. Forgets the thousands of people watching her, probably fingering themselves just like her. The though that is usually so overwhelming is forgotten.

Her body is warm, and if she could describe how this nut feels right about now, she'd say it's hot pink. It's light lightning, and for some reason, all she can repeat in her head is "thank you thank you thank you urfavfemme" because seriously, this has been one of the most insane experiences of her life. When she finally comes down, she has to take a few moments to catch her breath.

The aftermath of it all hits her. She did not just cum like she does in private. The usually dramatic orgasms the viewers got are nothing like that, and for what? Some girl she hasn't even seen yet?

The comments are going off, praising her and thirsting like she's never seen before, but she is still panting and flushed on her couch.

urfavfemme has donated $1000.

urfavfemme has left the livestream. Bye!

Ellie is quickly turning off the stream with a half-assed goodbye, and collapsing back onto her couch. She cannot believe that she just lost control like that. Her mind is processing the huge donation, too. A whole thousand is more than she's ever gotten in donations on a single live. How famous are you?

Ellie can't dwell much, because as her body cools down, she realizes how soaked the towel she is sitting on is. Oh, my god. She actually squirted on live.

★ Camgirl Ellie who searches up your username on google a few days following the squirting contest incident, and is soon brought to a url that hits her like a flashbang as soon as it loads on her ancient ass laptop. Her screen is covered in pink, and a pretty white font with your username is front and center. She then sees your face and nearly nuts. You're fucking gorgeous, definitely out of her league.. How are you the same girl that talked her through an intense orgasm over a livestream the other night?

★ Camgirl Ellie who spends the next few hours watching your videos. She has found a new obsession, that's for sure.

She has hearts in her eyes watching you bounce on a fairly-sized dildo suctioned to your floor, helplessly groaning with a hand down her basketball shorts as your pussy swallows the length of the toy. Your moans are what really gets her. You sound like anything but the pornstars she's heard, instead moaning like you're really getting it. And suddenly, Ellie wants to be the one to give it to you.

★ Camgirl Ellie who types out various messages to send to your gmail so conveniently linked on your website until she finally settles on something not too awkward

To: urfavfemme@gmail.com

From: elliewilliams19@gmail.com

Subject: Collab? Dear urfavfemme,

You were in my livestream the other day. I'm Ellie from the camgirl website, and I wanna know if you'd like to collab? (If you're around my area, of course).

Reading it back after she sent it, she sighs. That looks way too fucking professional for a request to do porn together.

★ Camgirl Ellie who anxiously waits for about an hour, not even Borderlands 3 able to distract her before she finally gets an email back.

To: elliewilliams19@gmail.com

From: urfavfemme@gmail.com

Subject: Collab?

Hi!! I'm in Fairview, WY if you're near? I'd love to collab:)

★ Ellie, who is freaking the fuck out now. She hadn't had sex in two years since Dina traumatized her with the worst break-up possible, and you're one of the hottest girls she's ever seen. Plus, she is only an hour away from you.

Jesse laughs when she rants to him about the whole thing.

"So you've got a fine ass girl offering to have sex with you? What's the problem?"

Ellie scoffs and gives him a glare, but there isn't any true malice. "That's the problem, idiot! She is way hotter than me. Plus, I haven't even had any practice in so long. What if I can't make her cum? What if I embarrass myself on live in front of both of our fan-"

"C'mon man, you gotta get out of your head about this. Does she seem nice?"

Ellie nods.

Jesse sighs, and slightly softens his tough-love look. "Look, she is probably just as nervous as you are. Give yourself a break, and go have fun with the pretty femme girl."

★ Camgirl Ellie who shows up at your apartment a little earlier than she meant to. She didn't mean to speed, but she was nervous on the road, anxiously tapping the steering wheel.

★ Camgirl Ellie who is greeted by you in a robe and what she assumes is going to be either nothing or lingerie underneath. That makes her heart beat even faster. She feels like she's gonna puke from how nervous she is, you're even more gorgeous up close.

★ Camgirl Ellie who takes in your bedroom compared to her own small apartment's bedroom. You've got posters covering your walls of various artists like PinkPantheress and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts; your bedsheets match your whole feminine vibe, and you have a whole camera set up with a stand. There's a box with a harness and different sizes of dildos inside of it. All of this is making Ellie even more nervous, like, shit her pants nervous.

You seem to take notice of her nerves, because you have clear concern on your face as you guide her to sit on your bed.

"You okay, Ellie?" voice so sweet and soothing, it could make her heart stop.

"Yeah..I'm okay.." she sighs, and anxiously chews on her lip, "I'm just like, me.. and you're super hot and all-"

Ellie's self-doubt is choked off when you cup her face, leaning in. "Do you know why I donated?"

"Why?" Ellie sounds shaky, a little confused on where this is going.

You give her a sweet smile, your glossy lips catching the ceiling light. You lean in even closer so that you can speak quietly, intimately. "I thought that you were easily one of the hottest camgirls I've ever seen on the website."

Ellie's eyebrows shoot up at that. "No fuckin' way you think that.."

Your smile doesn't falter, and you lean in even closer. "I do. I want you to fuck me, Ellie."

★ Camgirl Ellie who didn't know how passionately one could eat a pussy until she got a taste of yours. With the camera all set up and the live on, viewers roll in quickly at the promise of a collab between their two favorite lesbian camgirls. Ellie never forgot about the camera when it came to her solo steams, but you just have an effect on her that makes her head dizzy and her pussy throb, and all of a sudden she has her tongue deep in your wet pussy, alternating between tonguing your hole and tasting your clit. You're sprawled out on your bed, completely naked with Ellie between your thighs, and your moans are even louder than usual. They're angelic sounds that make the comments roll in like crazy.

dykeluvr69 commented: ellie eats pussy like a madman and i am so jealous rn

andersonabs33 commented: she's too sloppy with it, slow tf down girl.

This time, Ellie is far too blissed out devouring you to even pull away and tell the troll to fuck off.

"Mmmph, pussy tastes so fuckin' good.." You can't make out her muffled declaration, but the vibrations on your clit have you creaming for her.

Your pussy just sings for her. Three orgasms in, and she hasn't even used the strap she's wearing yet. She wants to savor every soft whimper you make when she nibbles on your neck before making out with you, tongue shoving into your mouth so that you can take your own perfect pussy on her tongue.

★ Camgirl Ellie whose fingers curl inside of you relentlessly, pumping into you, coaxing out orgasms like it's nothing. To her though, it is truly everything. You cry like you're pleading for her to never stop. It feels like hours that she's been tending to the perfect cunt you've got between your legs, and she doesn't know where she even learned half of the shit she's done. It isn't too hard to please you when she craves your sounds, though. She craves the feeling of your thighs squeezing the apples of her cheeks, making her lightheaded.

★ Camgirl Ellie who saves best for last, finally rubbing girthy silicone against your clit, making you whine in the process. That sound goes straight to her clit.

She grins with a newfound confidence, one she think that she has been given from a witchy ritual or something, not lesbian camgirl sex.

"You want me to fuck you good, baby? Fuck you 'till you squirt on my dick like you made me squirt?"

"Please, fuck, Ellie..." You're babbling nonsense at this point, legs spread wide and knees almost to your ears at you nearly sob for her dick.

"C'mon mamas, I wanna hear you beg for me." She taps the tip against your clit repeatedly, holding you down by the back your thighs to keep you from trying to squirm for more.

"Please, Ellie!! Fuck me, make me cum. I want your dick."

Ellie groans as she finally parts your soaked folds with the tip, sinking into your heat slowly as to not hurt you, but she soon finds that your walls are just swallowing her completely. All that foreplay must've really paid off.

★ Camgirl Ellie who practically goes from a nervous wreck to a pornstar in a matter of minutes, because she insists that she can feel how tight you are around her huge dick.

"Fuck, baby. Gonna fuck this pussy so good, gonna make you scream my name." She manhandles your legs around her waist so that she can hold your hips while she pounds into you, creating a whole bonfire of heat in your pussy.

"Feel you so deep in me, Ellie!" You almost break when she starts leaving sloppy, open-mouthed kisses on your neck.

"Yeah? Gonna make you feel me in your tummy, mamas. Gonna put a baby in you." Where in the hell did that come from? You both roll with it, if not getting even more riled up by the idea of Ellie cumming in you and knocking you up.

"Please, Ellie. 'm g-gonna cum for you-" before you can finally have your orgasm, it's ripped away as she pulls out of you. You can't even protest or make a loud whine before Ellie is flipping you onto your stomach, frantic to tuck one of your pink pillows underneath your tummy. She lines back up with your sloppy hole, slamming back into it to earn herself an actual sob from you.

You cry into the pillow, not from pain at all. No, this is probably one of the best fucks you've ever had in your life. Ellie doesn't start slow again but rather pistons her hips into yours, bony hips slamming into the fat of your ass upon each thrust until you finally get the intense orgasm you need.

"Pleaseknockmeup-" you cum with a broken cry, a couple euphoric tears streaming down your face. Your poor bedsheets, all soaked from you and Ellie's pussies and your tears. At this angle with the pillow raising you, you believe you can truly feel Ellie all up in your stomach. The waves are more like knots of a rope being snapped in half deep inside of you, and Ellie only keeps you riding the pleasure with her little sloppy grunts audible behind you.

Ellie groans as the friction to her own clit is vastly more intense with each grind to meet your body, and now she is humping your ass to get herself off. After she cums with a "gonna fucking cum in this pussy", she goes limp on top of you, her sweaty body covering yours, her tits pressed against your back in a way that is more comforting than arousing now.

★ Camgirl Ellie and you who entirely forget about the live and fall asleep in your bed together, snuggled up with you the big spoon, and the cum-coated strap on thrown somewhere across the room. Your bodies are flush against each other and your hands are wrapped around Ellie’s stomach, holding her closely.

fairydustonmyclit_2 commented: aw this is actually kind of cute

pixiestickpussy commented: i wanna be sandwiched between them wtf

limpbizkitsbitch commented: ts gonna be awkward when they wake up

andersonabs33: quit being a miserable bitch

limpbizkitsbitch: ironic coming from you🌝

andersonabs33 has left the live. Bye!

[zombaebitez]

You Get Me So High

ellie williams x reader

synopsis: ellie goes on the balcony to light up, but you have another idea.

zom’s note: okay maybe this kinda sucks, but i randomly thought of this at like 2am.

word count: abt 1.8k

warnings: only nsfw content (don’t like, then don’t read!), top!reader, bottom!ellie, eating out (e!receiving), fingering (e!receiving), intoxicated (ellie is high, reader is not).

“Babe, I’ll be on the balcony,” you hear Ellie yell from the shared bedroom. You were currently getting a snack from the kitchen, having the late night munchies. Turning around, you see Ellie walking through the living area to the sliding door to the balcony of the apartment. “Mmm okay,” you mumbled, returning to the hunt for a snack. The only reason she’d be stepping outside this late was to smoke, you knew that.

After rummaging around through the pantry, you grabbed a bag of chips, and opened them, before turning to look at Ellie’s darkened figure outside being lightened by a soft warm glow, tell tale sign of her joint being lit with a lighter. You stuffed a handful of chips in your mouth as you eyed her figure for a while, munching in thought.

You were contemplating joining her on the balcony, you weren’t as much of a smoker as she was, but you did occasionally; you never cared if Ellie smoked around you or not, but she remained adamant about not smoking inside the apartment. Didn’t wanna make it a habit. But as you watched her, an idea popped into your head. You set your half eaten bag of chips onto the counter, dusting your hands off, deciding you wanted to join your girlfriend. It was a little chilly out, and you were only wearing some sleep shorts and a tee, so you quickly went to grab one of Ellie’s zipups, her’s just felt... better!

You were now sliding the door open, seeing the obvious smoke dancing around where Ellie was leaning on the rail. The only sign of her acknowledgment of you stepping next to her was a quick glance, and a wave of her hand (trying to fan some of the smoke away). “Ellie, baby it’s fine,” you say quietly, “Just wanted to get some air with you.” A half truth.

She hummed softly, bumping her hip with yours. The joint between her fingers emits a constant dance of smoke, following her movements as she takes another drag, holding, then exhaling. It was a comfortable silence, it always is with her. You turn your attention to the side of her face, her hair was a slight mess, slightly falling in front of her eyes. Gently you reach over, tucking some of the hair behind her ear, smoothing out her bangs. She hid a smile, turning her face away from you for a mere moment, then looked at you for the second time since you joined her.

Her green eyes always pulled you in, ��so pretty’ you thought. She blinked before smiling again, a slight blush creeping up. “God you’re such a sap, babe.” You furrowed your eyebrows, before realizing, “Shit, I said that outloud?” This time she giggled, “Yeah, always thinking about me, huh?” She takes another inhale of her joint, her question being rhetorical, but you softly said, “Always baby.”

Ellie mumbled out a ‘god’, obviously trying not to seem too flustered by your calm, sickly sweet demeanor. Maybe the high was starting to get to her… no it definitely was. Ellie always seemed a bit more relaxed, easier for you to get away with certain things. Maybe it was a little fucked to admit, but you love when Ellie gets high, she’s so pliable when she is.

Shifting closer to her, you laid a hand on the small of her back, slowly moving it over to squeeze her waist. She swayed a little, not knowing whether to support her weight onto the rail some more, or lean into your touch. You glanced at the joint she held, before making a sort of impromptu decision to pluck the joint from between her fingers. She followed your movements, with slight confusion.

“What’re you doin’?” She asked, but didn’t make a move to get the joint back, she didn’t have the will to. You ignored her question, taking a deep inhale of the joint. She watched you, or it seemed like she was. The high clearly making its way through the girl, she seemed slightly like molasses as time went by. A little too calm, a little too heavy. You took one more hit, before stubbing the joint out, and throwing it on the ground, it was practically out anyway.

Ellie just watched you, clearly enamored by your presence, but not fully here with you at this moment. You didn’t trust her with walking on her own, and honestly you didn’t want her to; so, you gently pulled her closer by the hand on her waist, and slowly moved her back inside, sliding the door closed with your foot, and to the living room couch. She whined as you sat her down, immediately sinking into the plushness of it, closing her eyes.

Fuck, she was so cute, like ‘so cute you wanna fuck her up cute’, in the best way possible. You knew she’d either wanna knock out, or cuddle and not leave your side… then knock out within 30 minutes, but you had other plans. Getting on your knees in front of her, you gently pushed her knees apart so you could have room between them. She hummed, peeking at you with half lidded eyes, mumbling something.

“What’s that, Els?” You rub her knee gently, leaning your head on it. “Wan’ you up here w’ me,” her words were a little drawn out, voice quiet. You shushed her, pressing a small kiss to the side of her knee, ‘wanna take care of you, Els.” She merely hummed, no motivation to move as she closed her eyes again, allowing you to have your way. That was all the confirmation you needed.

You took this moment to let your eyes wander, she was wearing a loose long sleeve top, with some sweats that hung low on her thin frame because they weren't tied. You could see the band of her boxers peeking over her sweats, and fuck the more you stared at her, the more you wanted her. She was just so effortlessly hot, maybe you had a problem (or both).

Grabbing the hem of her sweats, you tugged. It took a little effort to get those and her boxers off as she didn’t really help much, other than spreading her legs back once you tossed them on the ground next to you. You decided to leave her shirt alone, it’ll take too much work, and you knew Ellie could care less about the shirt.

Her syrupy head is now filled with just letting you do what you want with her, and needing you closer. She weakly grabbed at your arm, as you settled again. “What is it, baby?” She merely whined out a ‘please’. You sat up to lean over her slouched body, running your hands up her thighs, and under her shirt as you did so. You knew she was slowly losing her patience with you, the high making her feel too heavy as time went by, she felt buzzy, that buzz soon settling deep elsewhere as she watched you.

Having a little sympathy, you moved forward to place a few kisses on her jaw and neck, leaving a mark with some, she wrapped her legs around you, desperately trying to grind her already messy cunt onto your stomach. She was really worked up, and just needed some form of friction already. You let her do that for a little bit, moving your kisses up to her pretty lips, already bitten swollen from her trying to control her noises. You roughly pushed her hips down into the couch, gently pushing your tongue to circle around Ellie’s when her whines started to turn into quick pants, ending with a deep kiss to shut her up.

Her exhale was shaky, feeling a little dizzy from the lack of air she didn’t realize she was missing. “Babe, need you so bad,” she started begging, a little incoherent, but she was. Poor thing, so desperate, so needy, just how you wanted her. You needed her just as bad, the urge to have your face buried between her legs triumphing wanting to fuck with her some more. You unwrap her legs from around your waist, spreading them wide, before sinking down on your knees again. She sighed softly, leaning her head into the side of the plush back of the couch, ready to get what she needed.

She was wet. Like soaked, you didn’t realize the extent earlier. “Fuck… Els, didn’t realize you needed it this bad.” She mumbled a ‘yeah’ in what you assume to be an agreement. You couldn’t wait anymore, you dipped down to place your tongue flat on her clit, circling it, and wrapped your arms around the back of her thighs so she could rest her legs on your shoulders in one movement. Ellie immediately cried out, a sound between a whine and a moan, as you continued the action.

The poor girl was shaking, tangling a hand into your hair as she pressed you closer. A slew of, ‘fuck’, ‘harder please’, and ‘right there’ kept coming, like she couldn’t shut up. As your mouth focused on your girlfriend’s clit, you teased a finger around her entrance, causing a sharp inhale from her. She grinded slightly trying to get you to press a finger in, and enjoyed the pathetic attempts for a bit, before thrusting two inside without warning.

That made her tense, her softer whines steadily turning into louder moans and pleas as you fucked her like a person starved. She couldn’t stop that fuzzy feeling from clouding her mind, and the one sinking deep into her gut. Everything was too good, a little overwhelming. But to you, everything was just right, you wanted her so bad, craved her even.

The room was filled with Ellie’s moans, and the sloppy sounds of your fingers pounding into her. It was fucking heaven at this point, you could get lost between her legs whenever. You curled and pressed your fingers up, as you focused more on her clit, making her body tremble, she was close, really close. You could feel it in the way her thighs tightened around your head, and the obvious spasm around your fingers. She started babbling about god knows what, her whining falling on deaf ears. And then there it was, pressing her legs further up, and a few moments later she came.

You kept at it between her legs for a little longer, her moans turning into quiet pants as you lazily fucked her through the come down. Letting that fuzzy feeling dully work its way through her body, and a deep satisfaction bloom. You slowed your actions to a stop, gently kissed at her inner thighs, feeling them tremble as you did. Then gently, you removed them from around you, as to not make the ache that's soon to set in worse.

You leaned back up to place a few kisses onto her lips, smiling when she did. That made you happy, seeing her all content and fucked out. Brushing her hair back behind her ear once more, you couldn’t help but murmur an ‘I love you’, to which she responded ‘love you more, babe’ with a yawn. Stretching your arms above your head, you groaned, ready to get off the hard floor, and clean up your girlfriend. You knew she’d wanna return the favor come morning, so your main focus was her. And she was about to pass out either way, that high about to knock her out. You loved it.

[s-4pphics]

cw; fratadjacent!ellie, mentions of prescription drugs and dealing, literally just for ‘23 tlou tumblr nostalgia 

attempt 747388282 of getting outta my block. barely edited bc i havent slept

How the hell do you introduce yourself to a dealer?

Initiating convos with a stranger with a hey, do you sell addies, seems a little rude for regular common folk, but do dealers actually care about introduction etiquette? Highly doubtful, but you despise assuming shit about people, much due to the fact that your brain has a deadly latching tendency, remembering everything it shouldn’t and forgetting everything you should remember. 

Dealers are driven by the dollar, aren’t they? Just like everyone else. Show the money, get the candy… or something? You doubt Mel would put you in harm's way. 

You came to your roommate in the middle of a breakdown: self-soothed through a panic attack with snot dripping down your nose and thoughts scattered like they always are. Always. Your brain never listens to reason and it’s torture. She held you while you cried and cursed the medical industry, all while your brain shattered to pieces, attempting to find solace in Mel’s softened whisper. 

I have this friend…

And of course, your brain never forgets. Your prescription is forever to blame for your shortcomings. Every unfinished essay, failed test, failed class — mindless scrolling — it’s all due to your lack of… candy. Brain candy. It’s fucked up how terribly you need it to get through school. If you don’t pop one at six in the morning everyday, every plan you make goes down the drain and into the sewers. 

Pharmacies are supposed to always have their shit together. Customers come in, grab their beans, and they dip for a month before doing it all over again. Visits are dandy until they aren’t, apparently. Out of all people, why did they have to fuck up yours? A year of going to the same location with the same pharmacist and they suddenly misplace the only jewels that keep your head on your neck. 

Sure, you could sue or commit arson to that entire building, but you decided spending the last bit of your free time bribing the go-to drug lord of campus would be much more beneficial. And less… endangering. 

Mel is close with drug dealers — a surprising fact to discover about your soft-toned friend. Ellie Williams is one of them, and she’s expecting your arrival, according to Mel. The texts between you and this faceless stranger were brief, aloof — quite business-like despite the topic of conversation. You only hear about her from the sidelines or your roommate, and everyone seems to have a consensus opinion. 

Evidently, she fucking sucks. And fucks. Literally and figuratively. Good for her? You don’t give a shit. She agreed to give you a month's supply of Dextro for fifteen bucks. Fuck the gossip and the pharmacy. 

That gets you knocking. It takes fourteen seconds for the door to open, and you're instantly hit with the wall of Mary. Jane, in particular, and she’s covered in red lights. 

The testy drug head doesn’t fit everybody’s description; her face is almost too sweet for her body. She’s literally wearing Spiderman PJs. What kinda dealer has freckles and rosy cheeks? Her eyes remind you of a deer’s despite the pink tint. Can deers even get high? 

One of the first things Ellie does is take in your Patrick Star slippers. Her grin is slight as she eyes them. 

“Huh.”

“… Hey.” 

“Hello.” 

You hate silence more than anything in the world. It’s so fucking awkward in this hallway. 

“Name?” 

… Maybe intros are necessary? “Oh. Uh. I’m Mel’s friend. I’m guessing y’all know each other? I’m—“

The a-ha she makes is very innocuous. This is the beast everyone always talks about? “My dex pickup, right?” 

You jokingly shrug, “in the flesh.” 

“Nice to meet you.” 

“You… you, too.” 

It’s silent again. Being shot in the face would be less painful than standing here. 

Soon, but not nearly enough, Ellie digs into her pocket to retrieve a very familiar looking orange bottle. It almost looks like yours minus the white sticker with your name and dosage. Just plain orange. And filled a hefty amount. A little over halfway. 

“Uh,” you stumble around in your jean pocket like an idiot. When you come up empty handed, you dig around in your back pocket. Then your other front, then your other back. 

Where the fuck is your twenty? 

“Uh… um…”

You check your bra and your shoulder bag and your sock, all while Ellie stares at you like you’re a walrus on stilts. 

“I’m… I dunno where my…” 

“Short?”

Flames burst beneath your cheeks. Too fucking short. If you were in a mafia film, you’d be strung up in front of Ellie’s door as a warning for loose pocketers. 

But Ellie’s not in the fucking mafia. She looks like she’s about to laugh. Before you can drown her in apologies, she hands you the clattering jar. 

“… Wh—“

“No offense, but… I think you needa fill.” 

This has to be a test. Ellie’s going to slice your hand clean off your wrist when you reach for your vice… Your prescription, you mean. Not vice—

“You want ‘em or not?” 

Impatient as fuck — very on brand. Just as your palm eagerly closes around the bottle, a shock of electricity pops from Ellie’s hand to yours. She flinches but you don’t. The horrifying screams from the little fuckers in your hand are too distracting. 

“Do I owe you?” 

She ponders for a second. Eyes you with curiosity. Snickers down at your slippers. 

“It’s cool. Just tell me if they work.” 

“Why wouldn’t they?”

“Do I really have to explain the hierarchy to you?” 

“What do you think?” 

Ellie pins you with a playful glare, “I bought from someone new.” 

That doesn’t mean shit to you, so why are you attempting to make conversation? “Is that why you stocked me up?” 

“Sure.” 

“Are they laced?” 

She shrugs, “maybe.” 

That should induce fear… It never comes. You anticipate focusing too much to care. If you die, you die. 

This convo fucking sucks. And now it’s quiet because how the fuck are you supposed to respond to you potentially OD-ing? Your brain’s cranking but, just like every other time, you come up empty handed. 

“You can go now.” 

You try not to be bothered by her dismissing you. You shouldn’t be bothered by anything — she did you a favor. Ellie must really like your fucking slippers. She’s spoken to Patrick more than you this entire time. 

“… Thanks.” 

“No sweat. Get home safe.” 

Her door closes. Your chest opens. You convince yourself it’s with gratitude, and not at all due to the weird attraction you felt for that drugged-out freakazoid. 

[cocoakrispis-blog]

✭ 2. REDISCOVERING YOUR GENDER IDENTITY ✭

pairing ~ ellie williams x fem! reader

summary ~ (y/n) is actually quite confident in her gender identity but what happens when she and ellie are forced to partner up and figure some interesting concepts out.

warnings ~ homophobia, tones of a little bit of religious trauma,

wc ~ 2.4k words

SERIES MASTERLIST

the next day of camp was the beginning of your journey to “rediscovering our gender identity”.

this concept was one that you didn’t quite understand.

although this camp had made you loose a lot of the confidence you had in yourself this area was not one of them.

i mean you knew what you were.

a girl.

a girly girl at that.

girly girl that liked to do her own makeup, try out trendy new hairstyles, and wear the softest most pastel colors.

overall you presented very feminine and you were quite confident in your ability to do so.

so this step felt quite useless to you.

as of right now you guys were exploring the housewife part of being a women.

cleaning being the main subject.

you and dina were practicing vacuuming the floor alongside riley who was having a little bit more assistance from maria.

when you glanced up from your vacuum you noticed cat and ellie in the corner giggling about something.

you couldn’t believe that they weren’t even pretending to be semi interested in the lesson.

you felt your jaw clench in irritation and you quickly put your head back down to continue vacuuming and letting your mind wander.

being clean was something that you did out of habit.

you never found yourself doing it in your free time or when you were bored.

a sudden thought popped into your head making you shiver.

‘maybe that’s the problem maybe the normal girls love cleaning even if they didn’t have to’ you thought to yourself subconsciously.

maria eventually noticed cat and ellie not paying attention and decided to call everyone to the floor o that everyone would be forced to pay attention.

“since some of you can not seem to work on your femininity independently we will do this in a group setting.” maria gave cat and ellie a stern look.

“okay girls the number one most important rule to mastering a perfect vacuum job must be to be extremely precise and thorough.” the loud sound of the vacuum being turned on filled up the room.

“you must go in and out and in and out.” maria repeated the phrase over and over as she assisted riley in demonstrating the motion continuously.

something about the scene felt very intimate to you can you couldn’t help but feel your ears burn in response in embarrassment.

you discreetly looked to the other girls to see if maybe you were overreacting but everyone else except for ellie seemed to be having a bit more of an extreme reaction.

you watched as dina bit her lip seductively and cat licked her lips in an almost hungry way.

ellie seemed to be the only one not affected and just stared at the action with a clearly amused look.

the next activity you were doing was trying on wedding dresses.

this was by far your favorite thing you done so far.

you waited patiently from your turn to try on one of the gorgeous wedding gowns and nearly jumped for joy when it was your turn.

as a child you always dreamed of marrying your knight in shining armor in a beautiful gown and you thought it would be another couple years before you could experience it.

however here you were today in a long white gown being fawned over by the rest of the girls.

“wow (y/n) this dress was made for you.” dina complimented you for the 5th time since you had entered the room.

“thank you dina but i still feel like you looked prettier in your dress.” you felt your cheeks warm at her compliment.

“no you definently take the cake today (y/n) you just look like you were born to be in a wedding dress.” riley continued while cat surprisingly nodded along.

“you guys are so sweet.” you clutched the bouquet of flowers to your chest tight.

you had never felt more beautiful in your life and you didn’t want this moment to end.

the moment was ruined though when you realized the only one that wasn’t over there was ellie who was cutting up some paper in the corner.

after you had noticed that maria walked into the room to check on you guys.

once in her line of sight ellie proudly showed off the paper she had been cutting which revealed a paper chain of a bunch off girl is holding hands.

maria huffed before stomping off.

you didn’t understand ellie at all.

you didn’t understand why she had completely removed herself from the activity.

you didn’t understand why she wasn’t over there with the rest of you guys.

and you didn’t understand why she wasn’t showering you with compliments like everyone else.

did she have no desire to graduate this program and become normal again.

she was so confusing and you were completely clueless as to why it bothered you so much.

the last activity you did before taking a break was just to practice makeup.

this one easily slid its way into second place of your favorite activities.

makeup was such a fun way to express yourself and to be rewarded from doing it just made you feel ecstatic.

you finished your makeup much earlier than the other girls due to the fact that you had a lot more experience with it than the other girls.

when you looked up from your designated vanity you saw ellie and cat tucked away together in one of the chairs in the room while ellie playfully drew on cat’s arm.

the feeling that rose in your chest whenever you saw this was unfamiliar but you knew you didn’t like it.

what was so interesting about cat that made ellie want to spend all of her time with her?

you quickly shook your head to rid your brain of those thoughts and turned back to your vanity to see if there was any ways you could improve your already flawless makeup.

after a while of just staring at yourself in the mirror maria entered the room to tell you guys to change back into your uniform and meet her outside so you could have a small chat before lunch.

eventually you all made it over there and were now seated in a circle waiting for maria to begin this outside group therapy session.

“alright girls who is next to report on their root?” mary asked the group softly.

everyone simultaneously turned their head to face you.

you sighed when you felt all of their eyes on you and reluctantly gave a response.

“well i’ve been thinking really hard about what may be the root of my l-lesbianism but i can’t seem to come up with someone.” you twiddle with your finger awkwardly.

“i think pom poms over there is just to afraid to share hers with the group.” ellie rolled her eyes at your response.

“i am not ellie i really just haven’t come up with one what’s yours anyways?” you give the freckle faced girl what you considered a sassy comeback.

“pfft i don’t have to tell you my root i’m brave enough to own up to mine we’re the ones waiting on you to do the same.” ellie gives you a smirk.

you huff and prepare to respond until mary cuts into the tense conversation.

“well actually ellie i think it might be beneficial for (y/n) to be reminded of all of your roots to maybe make her realize what hers is.” maria gives ellie a tight smile. “why don’t you go first.”

“my mom got married in pants.” ellie gives what sounds like a sarcastic response.

everyone claps after she had shared hers and maria called on the next person to go.

“dina.”

“went to an all girls boarding school.” dina replied smoothly.

the group erupted in applause and then maria called on cat to go next.

“i was born in france.” cat sighed.

immidatkley after applause followed and finally it was riley’s turn.

“i like balls.” riley responded plainly.

you all clapped until it eventually died down.

“well thank you from that riley.” maria sent her a smile.

“you see how easy it is (y/n) all you have to do is dig deep down inside your mind right into those memories that cause you pain or sadness and find your root.” maria concluded the conversation.

“and now dina will you come up here.” dina followed her directions and stood up to stand next to her.

once dina was still next to her maia started up again.

“the next thing on the agenda today will be to experience one of the best things about the heterosexual experience.” she paused briefly to build suspense. “friendship!”

“so next i will need you guys to find a partner to be paired up with for the rest of the program.”

since there wasn’t that many of you getting a partner wasn’t too difficult.

however since there was an odd number of people dina was forced to partner with maria while riley and cat ended up together and you were stuck with ellie.

you weren’t sure hwy exactly cat and ellie didn’t decide to partner up together but you decided to not ask any questions because this now gave you a chance to study and maybe further understand the confusing brain of ellie.

“now that we all have your partners sometime later tonight i would like you to practice with these.” maria help up a deck of cards that looked different from anyone you had ever seen or played with before.

after dinner ellie called you over to practice the cards so that she could make quick work of it and go to sleep.

after that you found were maria had placed the cards, grabbed a deck, and took a seat across from eachother in the designated area where you were supposed to be practicing the cards.

you weren’t very sure on what you were supposed to be doing but held up a card to maybe kickstart the game.

the first card you held up was one with a red background and a woman throwing away trash with a bright smile on her face.

“it’s a lady.” ellie shot out the first thing that came to her mind.

“well uh yeah but what else.” you attempted to urge her to deepen her description.

“i don’t know.”

you rolled her eyes at her uninterested response and tried to help her out.

“she’s also a mother, a wife, and a daughter.”

ellie nodded along with an almost blank look on her face.

“once you learn about the important roles women have you can stop objectifying them.” you sigh softly.

“well have you done that?” ellie snatched the deck out of your hand to investigate them herself.

“i w-well i’m still trying to look for my root.” you stutter out a pathetic response.

“oh yeah must be so hard to think about other stuff when your princess brain doesn’t allow you to dwell on anything that isn’t dresses and makeup.” ellie hums rudely.

you gasp at the meanness of her words and defiantly cross your arms in front of your chest.

“i’ll have you know i’m actually very smart i make straight a’s in school.” you defend yourself to ellie even though she’s obviously not listening.

“it’s your turn.” ellie finally stops fiddling up the cards and shows you one she had obviously messed with.

the card displayed a very well developed women obviously rest out of the shower.

you squeak in shock once you process the picture and almost curse when you feel ellie pinch your arm hard.

“you’re gonna have to be more prepared for temptation in the real world (y/n).” elllie gives you a shit eating grin, obviously very pleased with her own little prank.

in that instance you wanted to do nothing more than slap ellie right across the face but decided to be more ladylike and opt for giving her a glare and stomping off to the sleeping quarters.

the next day you were continuing to work on the whole housewife lifestyle but it was more focused on childcare.

unfortunately it wasn’t similar to yesterday and there was a lot more lecturing involved and only one hands on activity.

after you had made it through the third and final lecture it was time to simulate changing a baby’s diaper using realistic baby dolls.

much to your dismay this activity required to use teamwork to work with your partner.

you were still quite upset at ellie for the way that she had treated you last night but did your best to try and start fresh today.

“make sure you work together with your partner to successfully put this diaper on because if you don’t manage the consequence may be quite inconveniencing i used food dye as the urine to raise the stakes a bit……” maria’s speech turned into background noise as you begun to argue with ellie.

“dude that’s the wrong tab.” ellie tried to snatch the diaper out of your hand.

“no it is not you’re the one doing it wrong can you just hold it still for me so i can handle this.” you snatch the diaper back from her.

you continued to go back and forth with the baby not even realizing maria had walked up to you two to reprimand you for all of the arguing.

while you wrestled the baby in between you two the pee ended up releasing and purple food dye splashed all over maria’s face.

once you saw the absolutely livid look on maria’s purple covered face you and ellie immediately looked at eachother and bit your tongues to hide the laughter.

“why don’t i go get you guys another doll.” maria sighs while attempting to wipe the color off of her face before turning around to retrieve another doll for your pair.

as soon as she left you and ellie looked at each other again and burst into a fit of giggles.

this was the first time you had heard ellie genuinely laugh and you were shocked at how soft and melodic it was.

you wanted to make her laugh again.

maybe getting partnered up with ellie wouldn’t be so bad.

a/n: i am actually so incredibly shocked that i ended up being able to finish this chapter i was so exhausted before starting this but i stil somehow managed to end up in through. we are finally getting somewhere with ellie and i am so excited to right more interactions between both of them. anyways thank you guys so much for the support on the series so far i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!

taglist: @st4r-b3rries @dollyvuu @lvlymicha @jellyfishrnice @machetegirl109 @smiths-fan--13 @elliewilliamssrealgf @ravyaryn @yuhgetintoonit @nelzooo @luvmily @dearestdolly444 @venuzasmuse @madislament

[totheblood]

the hard way. [masterlist]

PAIRING: rockstar!ellie williams x ex-gf!reader

SUMMARY: you and ellie broke things off years ago, everyone knew this. what they didn't know was why. when a mysterious anonymous account pops up, seeming to know what happened, you and ellie are forced into talking again to find out who it is. problem is she's a rockstar and on tour, you may just have to figure it out over text.

WARNINGS: cursing, mentions of drinking/drugs, mentions of s*x, there will/may be se*ts so thats a warning.. dark themes in later chapters (will be trigger warned)

↳ prolouge

part i. (r)

part ii. (e)

part iii. (r)

part iv. (e)

part v. (r)

part vi. (e)

part vii. (r)

part viii. (e)

part ix. (r)

part x. (e)

[hunnylagoon]

When I Was Your Girl

Stage Fright

Rockstar! Ellie Williams x pop star! Reader

‘Fame is a poison most would drink happily despite the warning of a slow and painful death’

Premise: You and fell in love as nobodies and fell out of love in the limelight. Now you are forced to deal with ghosts who haunt you like a melody.

Warnings: small mentions of drinking and drugs / wee bit of violence / Ellie is a dick

Fake albums mentioned: Solstice / Smokey Eyes

I've never been anything more than a joke.

I'm so childish they took it for maturity, and I'm so serious they took it for silly.

Even since I began my career, I was spotted at eighteen by a skeezy producer when I sold myself at a strip club to make ends meet, because dreaming never paid the bills. I wish that I had been found somewhere else, maybe one of the restaurants I sang at on karaoke nights or the park where I poured my soul into art through my uncle’s old acoustic guitar. 

"How are you feeling right now?" A tanned woman with slick back hair shoves a microphone into my face while an emotionless man holds the camera. "I mean, seven years in the industry and you've just received your first Grammy nominations."

"I'm feeling kind of freaked out, to be honest," I face the woman with a sheepish smile on my face, trying the best I can not to look at the large camera lurking beside me.

"Rightfully," Her teeth are so white that they almost blind me and I get distracted by myself as I try to figure out whether they are veneers or not. "Do you think you'll be bringing any hardware home tonight?"

She moves the microphone back to my face and I flinch out of instinct, we both laugh for the camera but I can tell she's annoyed "Honestly, I'm just happy to be here, as corny as it sounds it is such an honour to be around so many incredible artists."

"So humble," She smiles then turns to the camera to address the viewers "I think we all know she's gonna be sleeping tonight with a golden gramophone under her pillow," She forces a laugh, trying to capture the raw essence of this overly manufactured moment. The interviewer turns back to me "Now, I know this isn't your first rodeo, is there anyone here you aren't looking forward to seeing, you don't have to name any names."

Fuck I hate these bloodsuckers. She is so obviously trying to milk my broken engagement which was still very much fresh. I uphold my false smile though and shake my head "Nope, if anything I think I'm looking forward to some mingling,"

She looks irritated, covering it up only by a close-lipped smile. "Well, then I'll let you get on with that."

I give her a curt wave and continue my way down the red carpet, maneuvering through other celebrities, we all have common ground, we are blinded by the flashing lights. I try my best to avoid any more journalists but I see Abby Anderson speaking to one and sneak up behind her, tapping her on the shoulder.

She turns around and greets me with a huge smile "I was wondering when I was gonna see you," Abby smiles and slings an arm around my shoulders looking to the journalist while I glance at the camera "I'm telling you, this girl needs to clear some space out on her trophy shelf."

I grin at her, genuinely. Abby had always been kind to me, we first met when I was nineteen and the both of us signed up for Atlantic Records. "She's just being nice," I say.

"And she's just being humble!" Abby squeezes me, it's a simple gesture but it means the world to me, it's her way of saying 'I got you'.

I shake my head "Abby is gonna be the real winner tonight."

The man holding a microphone in front of us smiles "We'll see who's right, my bet is both of you," He turns his attention to me directly "So I understand that you took a bit of a break after releasing your album, Solstice, is this considered your comeback?"

"Nope," I smile despite wanting to snatch the microphone from his hand and beat the camera with it until it shatters "There isn't anything to come back from."

He tilts his head giving the over-animated 'Are you serious?' look for whoever is watching. Every journalist was like a vampire trying to bleed me dry. The journalist, impeccably dressed in a tailored suit that exudes both sophistication and confidence searches his mind for another question "Well your album honestly was such a work of art and there has been talk that you are working on another one, is there anyone here that inspired any of those songs?"

"Nope."

"I think we should ask Ellie the same question," He laughs at his joke like it was funny. 

"And I think we should be heading off now," Abby answers for me and guides me away from the barricade of reporters and journalists, away from the cameras prying into my soul.

As I walk along the red carpet, I don't bother to stop and pose for any more pictures, I pick up the long skirts of my dress and usher myself to weave between the other celebrities. I nearly turn my ankle and take a tumble, wow, sure glad that 30 photographers caught that moment.

I was drenched in a deep, enchanting shade of midnight blue, the gown captivated with its sleek silhouette. The magic shows in the intricate details that adorn the fabric, reminiscent of the cosmos itself. Delicate embroidery of constellations graces the entire dress, forming a celestial tapestry that seems to come alive under the harsh shine of lights. The celestial patterns are meticulously sewn into the fabric, resembling a night sky filled with stars and constellations, creating an ethereal and otherworldly charm. Paired with the constellation dress, I wear a diamond choker and matching teardrop earrings.

I had lost Abby at some point in my little runaway leaving me to get into the auditorium where the award ceremony is to take place. 

Nearly the very second I walk in I hear a man yell my name, he is seated in the second row and it takes an awkwardly long amount of time for him to jog over to me. "Hey, kid!" He grins, hugging me, I don't hug him in return, I just freeze. It was Graham Wilson, I could smell the liquor on his breath.

Graham Wilson was a man who used to write very successful rock songs in his twenties with his band (the majority now deceased), he was nearing his sixties and was the definition of a has-been. I remember when I was a kid and I would listen to him on my iPod; though in recent days he's become known for ridiculous stunts, DUIs and homophobic tweets, even better known for how he found out I was gay and announced that he was no longer homophobic because, in his words 'Those gays can sure write good music' and then thanked me in his tweet, even tagging my account.

His frame carries the weight of a bygone era, specifically his beer belly. His once-lustrous, shoulder-length hair has succumbed to streaks of gray, hanging limply around his face like faded echoes of a rebellious past. Despite the passage of time, a few remnants of the rockstar allure linger - a faint scar above his right eyebrow, a reminder of a wild night in an underground club, and the subtle tattoos peeking out from under the sleeves of his wrinkled suit jacket.

"Hey, Graham," I give him a tight-lipped smile out of courtesy, in no means do I wish to talk to him. 

"You better win best album tonight," He gives me a hard slap on the back. Every time I see him he acts like we're friends just because he was a judge on a singing reality show that I was on seven years prior.

"I'll try my best," I try to excuse myself but he speaks again.

"I said seven years ago when I saw you on that stage that you were gonna be a star so don't let me down," He points a finger at me and gives me a weird smirk. When he smirks I almost think he's having a stroke until he starts to laugh and reveals his rows of teeth that are beginning to rot from his not-so-subtle drug abuse.

"Okay," I give him a nod and a quick wave goodbye to sneak away and pretend that I didn't converse with him. It seems like I'm early to take my seat, people are still piling in and being ushered to their spots, and seat fillers are standing around sheepishly while they try to take discreet photos of celebrities.

My seat is on the end of row two, right on the aisle, I feel myself split into a grin. If you weren't aware, Who sits where is a major status symbol. And though awards show organizers may deny it, it's awfully convenient to be sitting in the front row or on the aisle if you're about to accept a ton of trophies.

I was shaking with nerves, I got nominated three times and maybe there was hope that I would win at least one category.

When I saw Ellie I almost wanted to hide my face, she walked in with a new girl she slung her arm around, Jesse, Dina, and Cat in tow. I'm thankful to see that they're sitting front row of the opposite section of me and have yet to notice me.

I'm not sure if you have ever fallen in love, dated, gone on tour, moved in together, adopted a dog, written a couple of songs, got engaged, then broken up with someone and had the entire thing be documented publically but it's not the best feeling when you have to be in the same room as them again.

Everything with Ellie used to be so perfect.

The first thing I ever noticed about her were her eyes, her sad eyes. She looked like a puppy that had been kicked around for far too long; neglected and mistreated by whoever was cruel enough to show her such torment. Her eyebrows furrowed like each thought running through her head was a worry.

It's hard to look at her now, I know this girl inside out but we are strangers. 

I liked to pretend that the beautiful girl she was with was just there for show but I knew it was untrue when I saw her snake her hand around her waist just like she did to me. She runs through girls like they're cigarettes, she uses them until they burn out or she grows sick of them.

Two years ago at this very same award show, Ellie accepted Song of the Year for the song she wrote about me, 'Everlong'. She had even invited me on stage during her speech and announced to the world how in love she was with me.

If only I knew I could come to hate someone I used to love to death.

My hate was only solidified when Ellie and the Ashmen dropped their most recent album titled 'Smokey Eyes' just three months after our broken engagement. The entire album was about me and dear god it almost ruined my career.

Ellie had managed to paint me in a horrible light that made me seem like the scum of the earth. She wrote about me having substance issues and overall just sang happily about how much she despised me. Her song 'Me vs Your Friends' wrecked me. After speculation began over that song online, her fans decided that they loathed me just the same as Ellie did; this meant that I was doxxed, sent death threats, had my home broken into, and forced to move.

She wasn't the slightest bit sorry.

I spent the award ceremony dazed out, to be truthful, these types of events were boring. They dragged on for ages and you had to sit through the same generic speeches over and over again of people thanking their parents and producers, I hated both of those.

I watched as Amelia Swan walked on stage, she was a nepotism baby, the daughter of some big-shot director and beautiful all the same. In the glittering spotlight of the grand award show stage, a vision of elegance takes center stage as the next announcer for the evening. A beautiful woman, her porcelain skin seemingly kissed by moonlight, graces the audience with a timeless allure. Her dark, cascading hair frames her face in a sleek, sophisticated manner, accentuating the delicate features that radiate a captivating charm.

Draped in a resplendent pink gown, the fabric sits tight against her slim body. The gown is a masterpiece of design. Its silhouette accentuates her figure with tasteful precision, while the soft hue of pink complements her fair complexion.

"Hello!" She smiles and the crowd begins to cheer "I'm going to cut to the chase because I know all of you are as excited to find out the winner as I am."

Amelia begins to go through the nominees, my breath hitches in my throat when she says my name, though I play it cool the best I can and smile softly when the camera zooms in on me in the crowd.

Her eyes, framed by carefully styled lashes and a hint of rosy eyeshadow, exude warmth and confidence. Lips adorned with a subtle shade of pink curve into a welcoming smile, inviting the audience to share in the excitement of the announcement. 

"The winner of Album of the Year is..." I could've sworn I nearly passed out when Amelia said my name.

Nothing felt real, it was like I was living the dreams that I made up when I was a little girl staying up late in my uncles back yard, talking to the indigo sky and speaking to it with delusions of security and stardom.

I shake when I stand up from my chair. The person next to me hugs me and I don't even know who she is but I hug her in return.

Amelia gestures for me to join her on stage with a huge smile on her face. I make my way down the aisle and up the steps leading to the stage. Amelia handed the statue of the golden gramophone to me along with the microphone to give my speech.

At this moment, the stage is my kingdom "I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win but I'd like to thank my little sister, Marceline, and my late uncle, Richie, god rest his soul. Everything I've done leading me to this moment has been for them, every lyric, every night I'm up till dawn writing. Even though Richie can't be here in person, I carry a little piece of him with me everywhere I go, he's all around me, I see him in the songs I write, in the melody of an acoustic guitar, and in the faces of those gentle enough to show me kindness."

The audience applauds for me, even Ellie who stares me down bitterly. I had sung in front of thousands of people but it would never compare to this moment.

I wipe a tear away from my eye "I would also like to thank all of my fans, you guys are just the fucking best," I giggle through my crying "I feel like you've been sent down by Richie and Marceline I know you're watching me right now, please give my dog some love for me. Please know that I don't come from anything, I was born from dirt and dreams for something more than a ratty town in Canada."

I lived for the applause.

"I mean, I've always been good and never great so this means a lot to me-

Ameilia places a hand on my shoulder to stop me "There was a bit of a mix-up," She announces "I'm sorry, love, you didn't win," She says just to me, dark eyes full of remorse.

"What?" I almost think it's a sick joke.

Amelia holds the microphone to her face to be heard by the audience "I'm not joking," She shows the contents of a card to the crowd "The real winners for album of the year are Ellie and the Ashmen for their album Smokey Eyes." Gasps sound from the audience and I can only imagine what those watching from home are doing

The camera pans to where Ellie, Dina, Jesse, and Cat sit, Ellie is laughing; not laughing, cackling, it only grows and now she's laughing so hard she can barely breathe. Suddenly I didn't feel like I was king of the world, it felt like the desolation of a hangover had hit me in the span of 90 seconds.

Dina gives Ellie a harsh elbow to her bicep, telling her to be respectful. The four of them rise from their chairs and make their way up to the stage, where I stand, paralyzed.

"Congratulations," I give Ellie a tight-lipped smile and hand the award off to her.

She smiled smugly at me and took it "Thanks, smokey eyes," Ellie held the statue up to display it. Smokey eyes was a nickname she had given me when we first met since I always had dark circles she said they looked like smoke from a forest fire. I told you that album was about me. What made me more mad is that it was such a stupid fucking nickname.

My mouth goes dry, it tastes like salt and failure.

I take many steps back, trying to hide myself at the back of the stage while I watch the Ashmen bathe in the glory I thought was mine.

"I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win," Ellie begins to mock me "But I'd like to thank my best friends, Dina, Jesse, and Cat, I couldn't have done it without you," She motions at her band members beside her "But I also couldn't have done it without my dad, thank you, Joel, you're out there in the cheap seats but I fucking love you," She waves out into the crowds somewhere before handing the microphone off to Dina.

"I am so beyond grateful-

"No!" Someone yells from the ground and all attention turns to him "This is not fair!" Graham shouts, walking up the stairs. Everyone in the room looks at one another trying to figure out what is going on. Graham snatches the microphone from Dina "I'm proud of you four but listen."

Everyone is silent completely, no one is sure what to do so we let Graham continue.

"I met everyone on this stage seven years ago," He throws one arm out for dramatics "Except for Amelia, I don't know you," Graham is more dishevelled than he was when I saw him earlier that night "Let me tell all of you that Ellie was in love with this girl since the day they met!" Graham points at me, now things are getting weird, well weirder. “I know because I was there and you all saw it on TV!”

It was no secret that Ellie and I were together since we met on Road to Stardom, a singing reality show where people compete for-well, stardom. Every step of our relationship had been very public, not by choice but by unfortunate circumstances. It is for this reason I was afraid of what Graham would spout next.

"Without her, Smokey Eyes wouldn't have ever been written, Ellie would've had no inspiration for it," He babbles "But more so my point is, Solstice deserved to win, Smokey Eyes is mediocre at best!"

People in the audience look genuinely concerned, I spot Abby in the third row. She has one hand covering her mouth from pure shock, her eyebrows are furrowed and she almost looks like she's going to throw up.

 "Solstice is the best album to listen to when you're high off salvia on your bathroom floor!" Graham points back at me.

I see Cat mutter something to Jesse along the lines of "He's not wrong."

"Smokey Eyes has three good songs and Solstice has thirteen!" Graham suddenly stops to turn and look at me, he grabs my wrist "Come up here and finish your speech," I shake my head no but he pulls me up anyway.

I freeze, petrified. My eyes are wide and my lips are pressed together in a thin line. I didn't know what to do. Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

Graham's head suddenly snaps from me to Ellie where he takes an intoxicated step closer to her "Give me that damn award, you don't deserve it, especially not after mocking the woman who inspired it!" He lunges for the statue, at first Ellie is stubborn and holds onto it tight.

After 30 seconds of Graham trying to pry the stature away, Ellie gives up and releases it, figuring it best not to fight with a drunk man; in doing so Graham's elbow flies back from sudden loss of resistance and hits me dead in my nose. I yelp out in pain bending over into a crouch and clutching my nose. Graham stumbles back and trips over me, though he is still holding on tight to the statue.

Jesse approaches him slowly. "Hey, man, It's me, I think we should all just settle down and talk this through," He tries to act cool but his eyes are full of worry "I agree, I think Solstice is a great album and it really deserved to win."

Graham clumsily rolled onto his stomach and then stumbled back onto his feet. He was staring Jesse down like this was the Wild West.

Dina rushed over to me to make sure I was okay "Let me see," She gingerly moved my hands away from my nose, it had been knocked crooked and blood was pouring down to my chest where it pooled at the neckline of my dark dress.

Graham chucked the golden gramophone at Cat who jumped back when he did so and took a swing at Jesse who didn't move an inch or even shudder from his drunken punch. It also didn't help Graham that he was a solid four inches shorter than Jesse. Just as Graham was hyping himself up to send another hit, two bulky men grabbed either of Graham's arms and dragged him off the stage and out of sight.

I went home that night with nothing more than a broken nose, and no award but I could rest knowing that night went down infamously in history. My blood dripped onto the stage of the Grammys.

That was the night I truly became famous.

Grade eight- Age thirteen 

Middle school is hard.

Even harder when you have two friends, one of them is a guy who is obsessed with Star Wars and is hardly at school because he's always having an allergic reaction, and the other friend is my English teacher. I ate lunch in her class while he graded schoolwork on days that Milo was too sick to show up for school.

I never understood why kids are so fucking mean. Like sometimes I'm having a good day and then I remember when I sang at the middle school talent show.

Some kid who was destined to have a blunt in his hand finished doing tricks on his skateboard rolled off stage and it was my turn.

In the dimly lit auditorium, adorned with colourful decorations for the annual school talent show, I took center stage with my guitar, a blend of excitement and nervousness etched across my face. The hushed whispers of the audience faded as I strummed the first chords, the notes carrying the beginning to the first of many performances in my life

"If you gave me only one wish,

I wouldn't want to feel this way.

They told me I'd have your memory

But all I want is you to stay

And I can't stop my mind from haunting me,

It's like a scar on a butterfly's wing,

I wanted you to know."

I had worked tirelessly to perfect the lyrics to my first ever song, begging my uncle who was far more practiced for his input. This was way back when I still lived in fuck ass nowhere Alberta, I had that country twang in my high voice though it carried a specific tenderness.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do.

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain

This beautiful pain for you."

However, as I sang my little heart out, a different melody began to play in the background - the snickers and hushed comments of some classmates who couldn't appreciate the vulnerability I laid bare on the stage. Their laughter, like discordant notes in a once-harmonious piece, reverberated through the auditorium.

"If I sailed the world on stormy seas

Chasing sunlight that I can't see.

I was a dreamer here before,

Before I woke up and fell to the floor

And I'd climb to heaven if I could find you,

Even with a scar this butterfly flew.

I wanted you to know."

I spotted one group in particular, they hated me already and this would give them all the more reason to bully me.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day, these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain, this beautiful pain."

Maybe the lyrics were the slightest bit corny but I was thirteen and these girls were being little cunts. I bit back the tears I so clearly wanted to release when I saw a teacher had to walk over to the group of girls to stop their laughing. It wasn't just that one group though, kids scattered all over were fighting back giggles and that made it hurt all the worse.

"And all I'll ever need

And all I'll ever be,

Within every part of me is this,

This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything 'cause it was all I ever knew.

This beautiful pain,

This beautiful pain,

This beautiful pain,

For you."

As the last note hung in the air, the room was divided. Some applauded, recognizing the authenticity of my performance, while others continued their derisive comments. So the majority who liked my singing were teachers, but that didn't matter, at least my music got through to someone.

The rest of the day was even more difficult than my three-minute performance, at least that was over quickly but the comments from Kennedy and her friends left me leaving school in tears.

I didn't go home that day, I walked the extra ten minutes to get to my uncle's house. Lugging my guitar and newfound hate for music with me. The façade, adorned with a mismatched collection of potted plants and a welcoming, hand-painted sign that read ‘Home Sweet Home’ hinted at my uncle's efforts to infuse joy into his surroundings. The paint on the wooden shutters might have faded, but they held stories of many seasons gone by. The roof, patched with a variety of materials, showed the resourcefulness of my uncle in their attempt to shield the interior from the whims of weather. 

He tried to make the house look nice for me and my little sister. He was by no means rich in money but rich in what mattered, the love he had for me was overflowing.

It wasn't a particularly nice neighbourhood either, his house was small, with two bedrooms and a basement I wasn't allowed in. But every time I think of the chipped blue walls, I feel a warm sense of nostalgia run down my spine.

"Who's there?" I hear Uncle Richie call from the kitchen where he is cooking something.

"Just me," I yell back, dropping my guitar case on the ground and belly-flopping onto his old brown leather couch that had more tears in it than I could count; he had tried to stich some of them up with embroidery floss but ultimately gave up, deciding to let it be since he couldn't afford to replace it.

"Why aren't you at your mom's, Chickadee?"

"I don't wanna see Mom right now, she's gonna put me in an even worse mood," I call back grabbing the TV remote off of the water-damaged coffee table.

"What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Minutes later Richie walks into the living room to join me, he carries a bowl of Kraft Mac and cheese with two forks shoved in it, he taps the bottom of my socked feet, signalling for me to move them so he can fit on the couch with me. Uncle Richie has a buzz cut and beard stubble that I have never seen him without, he has never been seen without a flannel on, not as long as I've been alive. What I remember the clearest about him though was the scar beneath his right eye, when I was younger he would tell me that he got it from a pirate though I stopped believing that. "So are you going to tell me why you're sulking?"

I ignore him and he reaches for the remote to turn the TV off "Hey, I watching that," I mutter.

"Well I'm waiting for you to answer me, Chickadee," He tilts his head "Or you won't get any kraft dinner."

"I sang at the talent show today."

"And?"

"Everyone made fun of me."

He furrows his eyebrows "Why would they do that?"

"Why do you think?" I snark "Because I'm not good enough and I'm a bad singer and I have a shit guitar." I immediately regret my words. Uncle Richie was the one who gave me that guitar, it was all he could manage with his income, it was his back when he had dreams of his own but he fixed it up so I could pick up where he left off. The guitar itself had a cracking between the face and the side that was being held together with duct tape, not to mention the whole thing was basically reinforced with superglue and there were Sharpie drabbles on it of poems and potential songs Richie started that I will be sure to finish.

"This is the best guitar in the world," He reaches behind the couch where I left it slugs the case onto his lap and opens it to showcase the guitar "Because it's full of something money can’t buy, there is love built into this guitar and every time you play it you feel that love."

"I don't feel love when I play," I say, eyes brimming with tears.

"Then you're not playing right," He smiles, discarding the case on the floor "Did you play the song I helped you write?"

I nod "Kennedy said it was worse than shoving nails into her ears and that my guitar was decrepit and even more fugly than I am."

"Well Kennedy is a little cunt," He answers "Don't tell anyone I said that." His words make me giggle. I watch him intently as he begins to strum some chords on the guitar, the beginning of Beautiful Pain, he stops when I don't sing the lyrics, glancing at me until the words finally fall from my lips.

After the first two Stanzas, he hands the guitar off to me, nodding his head along to my gentle strums.

When I finish the song and strike the last chord, Richie claps a huge smile on his face "Do you feel the love yet?"

"I dunno."

"Then play again," He says "Don't think about those bitchy little girls," His tone is dead serious "You just gave all of those people a free performance, in ten years they are going to be paying hundreds just to get a bad seat at one of your shows and they will buried so far in the back of your mind that you won't even remember their names or all of those awful words they say to you, the only words that will matter are the ones you sing."

"So what do I do?"

"Play music because you love it, it doesn't matter if it takes you anywhere or if it makes you any money. That's why you should play, play for love not greed."

Wordlessly I begin the song over again, blocking out the rest of the world while I softly sing the lyrics. I strum each cord perfectly, my singing to match. I will forever think back to this moment, this is where I can pinpoint the exact second I fell in love with music.

I wrap up the song and Richie speaks up "Do you still want to watch TV?"

I shake my head "Can you help me write another song?" 

-

Sinjinisoverboard: I love love love the new single but does anyone else miss her debut era?????? I feel like she's sold out

     woodmonkey92: Reply to Sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ this is so true, I remember when she would sing in parks and she was actually happy just being herself

     theend_is_n3ar: Reply to woodmonkey92╰┈➤ bruh you don't remember that, she was a nobody when she sang in parks plus she literally got heckled and ridiculed by her classmates so bad that she gave up on singing in public and almost gave up on music as a whole

     user37768638493: Reply to sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ as much as I love her it really seems like she's fallen off the rails

conner_stoll_it: She's not even the same person anymore. I fell in love her original music and who she was when she wrote it, then she signed with a record label now she's an in-genuine copy of every pop star.

     Alina_b12: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ you fell in love with her old music?? 💀💀💀 she wasn't even past 100 subscribers when she released her debut album and after she released she literally gained 11 listeners on Spotify to get a total of 24 so don't lie and say that you heard it before hearing her mainstream music

     Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ Her old music was so relatable, she got famous and it’s kind of hard to relate to someone who's net worth is more money then I can even fathom

     hazeinmorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤I think that's why it was so easy for everybody to side with Ellie during the breakup, Ellie kept true to who she is, her girlfriend however did not.

     Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to hazeinthemorningcraze╰┈➤*fiancé

     hazeinthemorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤ ew don't remind me

     maiya_onthec0ast: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ We should remember that no one listened to her when she released her debut music. She said in an interview that before she signed with Atlantic Records she had 24 listeners and 76 subscribers. We only know who she is because of her mainstream music, you aren't better than anyone for needlessly hating on her.

stargirlthesequel: God who else misses the southern twang she used to have in her voice?

      Vampire_empire2: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤LMAO acting like you know her is crazy

      Aline_b12: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤parasocial relationships are really becoming apparent rn

thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo: It's soooooo annoying when people hate on Solstice for being mainstream like all Ashmen discography isn't top on charters since they dropped their first album

     dancedancerev0lution: Reply to thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo╰┈➤I've been saying this! Ellie has been in the industry way longer, she's always had a big fan base, even when she was still a solo artist!

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to thismightbeskylaarwwhiteyo╰┈➤ Ellie Williams on 🔝

    call_urm0ther: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤ kys she treated her fiancé horribly

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤ how would you know that????? Were you there??????

    follow_kendra88: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was the one who was treated horribly in that relationship, have you even listened to Smokey Eyes?

    ellies_no2girl: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was so in love and just got used for fame 🥺💔

     call_urm0ther: Reply to ellies_no2girl╰┈➤fuck off with your cringe ass emojis

sorryyileft___:You guys are so weird for saying Ellie was used by her ex for fame, they literally were on the same show at the same age at the same time and got thrown into the limelight at the same time, Ellie and the Ashmen just got more popular.

   mybodyisacage: Reply to sorryyileft___╰┈➤Ellie had a bit of a YouTube presence before she was on Stardom, it wasn't a crazy number but it was a cult following and that's why she won Stardom, bc she had fans to begin with then gained even more after being on national television

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to mybodyisacage╰┈➤She didn't win bc of following she won bc she's a good artist

    mybodyisacage: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤I never said she wasn't

bodhi_van34: I thought the whole thing at the Grammy's was an act until I saw all those news articles about Graham Wilson getting arrested

  carlyswarly: Reply to bodhi_van34╰┈➤They did a drug test when he got arrested and found coke in his system

    may0mayyyo: Reply to carlyswarly╰┈➤A busboy who worked the event said that Graham was doing cocaine in the bathroom

   body_van34: Reply to may0mayyyo╰┈➤ LMAO WTF 

charlotte_5freakingdidit: EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT ELLIE WILLIAMS BEING MEAN TO HER EX BUT GRAHAM WILSON LITERALLY ASSAULTED A POPSTAR ON STAGE AND TRIED TO THROW HANDS WITH JESSE LMAO IM DIFFUSING

juliaa__stirling: The way Ellie was laughing when Amelia said she messed up the cards was so rude and immature. Her fans are insane for defending her. All of that just because her ex fiancé gave a speech about working hard, imagine how she felt after being so honest with everyone just for her to not actually win and think about how she feels now reading all of these posts.

botoxangel: Celebrities have feelings too, Amelia made a mistake she's probably embarrassed but not as embarrassed as that poor woman is for putting her soul into a speech just for her ex and all of her fan girls to ridicule her for a mistake that wasn't even hers.

    karaleaah778: Reply to botoxangel╰┈➤exactly! And why are people blaming Amelia??? She was given the envelope by someone else, she genuinely thought her friend won.

carlosislost: Why is Graham even invited to these events?????????

katie_katelynsm1th: Reply to carlosislost╰┈➤Bc it's funny when he causes a scene

howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad: I know you guys think this Grammy situation is so funny but it's really not. Graham is clearly mentally ill, this is a cry for help.

   elleryc3llery: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad╰┈➤Dude it's hilarious

  3emmettttt: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeing sad╰┈➤The way you're worried about the has been and not the girl whose nose he broke

allysaaaa663638: LMAO THE WAY SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WON THE AWARD AND SHE DESERVED IT SHDBDBEGHWWBSV

jessicadacoolest: Ellie is so real for laughing bc I would've done the same tbh

hennyrumwine: Dumb bitch deserved to be hit lollllllll

4444carmencarmen4444: I love the Ashmen's music but I hate Ellie sm, I just feel like she's a fuck girl and she gives me very rude vibes. Like laughing at her ex and then mocking her heartfelt speech is INSANE anyways stream Solstice

sittingwaiting_wishing: I honestly have hated Ellie since the breakup, she's changed so much since then. She used to be funny now she's just mean.

carissaandher_h0ttakes: I still think it's kind of crazy that Dina and Jesse followed through with Ellie on Smokey Eyes because they were really close to her when she was engaged to Ellie, can't imagine how many ties that album severed

    elliessmokeyeye: Reply to carissaandher_h0ttakes╰┈➤I think about this all the time! She was literally the god mother for Dina and Jesses kid

     carissaandher_h0ttakes: Reply to elliessmokeyeye╰┈➤it make me think that she might've done something to them to make them hate her the way Ellie does, Ellie did say that she didn't write all of the songs for Smokey Eyes 🤔🤔🤔

"Do you see how this backlash doesn't look good for anyone?" My agent, Caroline asks after showing me several Twitter posts that are under the trending tag.

"Well, it's not really my fault."

"Nonetheless, I think It's time for a rebrand." She sets her phone face down and looks at me from across her desk "Do you remember when you went on tour with the Ashmen when you were around twenty-one?"

My eyes go wide, I'm already shaking my head "Please-

"This is an awful event that you can turn into an amazing opportunity and capitalize on it," The backdrop behind Caroline is almost blinding, it's an annoyingly hot LA day and I want nothing more than to be back in Canada and swimming in lakes with my little sister.

"Caroline, mentally I can't handle a tour with Ellie."

"Mentally, you're gonna have to," She says, getting stern "Your fans either hate each other or they love both of you and feel like their parents have divorced."

I know that I will argue with Caroline for the next hour and threaten to fire her but eventually, she will win, so until then I am preoccupied with thoughts of everything but Ellie, soaking in the last moments I will have until she envelopes my brain and suffocates me from the inside out.

I am sure that with Ellie, I will die before winter comes and I am doubtful that I will ever bloom again.

[evera-era]

heal me. (pt 3)

ellie williams x f!reader pt 1, pt 2

warnings: nervous/cutesy ellie, fluff, yearning, eventual kissing !!

a/n: no mentions of medic stuff this time bc i wanted reader to enjoy life outside of that. also i’m sorry for putting this off, i just wasn’t sure how i felt ab it </3 but here’s the final part !!

“Wow… you really do have the whole collection.” You murmur, lightly grazing your fingertips over the spines of Ellie’s comics.

It was the first time you had been to her house. Well… garage. She wasn’t exactly proud of it either, but it was homely.

“Pretty cool, huh?” She says, watching you. “I’ve probably read it about a dozen times already.”

You smiled, turning and looking at her over your shoulder. She shifts on her bed.

“Didn’t know you were a geek.”

“A- A geek?” She stutters, raising her eyebrows. “Wow, okay. Ouch.”

You both laughed, and you bit down on your lip. “It’s not a bad thing. Geeks are cute.”

You turned to look back at her bookshelf as Ellie’s face flushes. She knew you were flirting with her — it was obvious you were flirting with her — but she didn’t know what to do next.

“Mind if I read the second one while I’m here?” You ask, pulling the sandwiched comic out of its spot.

“Go for it,” She says, pulling her converse off her feet. “You can come sit over here. I mean — if, if you want.”

You grinned, spinning on your heel before plopping yourself on her bed. It was soft, and surprisingly comfy.

“Hey, this isn’t fair.”

“What?” She says, eyes widening.

“Your bed. It’s so nice,” You comment, looking up at her. “How do you just casually have the best bed, like, ever?”

The redhead laughs. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration.”

“I’m not even kidding,” You sigh. “God. I could sleep here forever.”

As you turn the page and begin reading, Ellie can’t help but look over at you. You were inches away from her, on her bed, in her bedroom. And you said you wanted to sleep next to her. It felt surreal.

She swears she could probably die happy right about now.

About ten minutes pass, and Ellie clears her throat. “So, uh, how are you liking it so far?”

“It’s really good,” You say, still holding the book up. “I think I could get into this series… if you’ll let me, of course.”

“Y-Yeah,” She says quickly. “Yeah, of course. Uh, whenever you want.”

You smiled gently before looking over at her.

“Hey, Ellie?”

“Uh-huh?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?” You ask. “Or… boyfriend? Sorry. Should’ve asked.”

Her eyes nearly pop out of her head. “G-Girlfriend. And uh, no, not currently.”

“So you’re seeing someone?” You question.

“No— No, sorry. I meant… that I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Oh.” You say simply, before returning to the comic. Her head swarms as she tries to figure out your intentions.

Was that was your way of telling her you liked her? Shit, or were you just being friendly? She couldn’t tell. She didn’t wanna read into it wrong.

A few more minutes pass as she looks down at you. “Um… and you?”

“Huh?” You say, looking up from the book. “Me?”

“Y-Yeah. Do… you have someone?”

“No,” You say. “I’d be surprised if anyone even liked me. I mean… I’m not all that. But you? You get to go on patrol and look all badass and stuff.”

Ellie blushes, looking down at the ground. “You— you look good, too. Better. I meant… better.”

She wants to kick herself. Why does she sound so stupid when she wants to flirt back?

Nonetheless, you took the compliment with a smile. “Thanks, Ellie.”

Ellie gives a thin-lipped smile, desperately hoping she was better at putting her thoughts into words. And that she wasn’t a total dork.

The two of you had spent the next few hours in her room. The sun slowly began to lower in the sky, painting her window blinds a pale shade of gray. You had gone through two comics at most, as you had spent half of your time speaking to her instead of actually reading.

“Alright,” You nudged her knee. “It’s your turn to tell me a story.”

“Alright, alright.” She pauses. “I have a good one. It’s about my friend Jesse.”

“Okay. Shoot,” You reply, looking up at her.

You realized that you enjoyed watching her. More than anyone you had ever met.

There was a sparkle she got in her eyes when she was excited about something, and her nose would scrunch whenever she described something she didn’t like. It was cute and adorable and god, you wanted more of her.

“…And so while me and Dina were sledding, he slips and absolutely busts his ass.” At this point, Ellie’s smiling, making grand hand gestures as she explains.

“I’m talkin’ full on, face first into the fucking snow! It was hilarious, and—“

She notices your staring, and immediately clears her throat. “Uh... are— are you okay?”

“Yeah,” You say, pushing yourself up from the position you were laying in. You scoot closer, so you’re hovering over her face.

“Can I kiss you?” You ask, looking into her eyes. When you’re met with silence, you close your eyes, mentally scolding yourself.

“Sorry… was that awkward?” You cover your face with your hands. “That was awkward, wasn’t it? N-Nevermind. I swear I was listening—“

For a moment, you were worried that maybe you had come on too strong. That just as you began to make a new friend, you had pushed her away, in a rather embarrassing manner. But your fears dissipate when you feel the warmth of her hands on yours.

She peels your hands away from your face, holding them gently. Her fingers were nimble, and rather coarse, but her touch is near electrifying.

“Please,” She whispers, barely audible. And before you have the chance to lean in, her lips have already hit yours.

Ellie’s kiss is desperate; it was something she had been wanting to do since she had first met you. And inside, she’s ecstatic, because she never thought you’d ask her to.

Her lips are warm, and encompassing, and her breath is shallow against your face. She goes slowly as to burn this memory into her brain.

When the two of you pull away, it’s quiet. You were worried if maybe you had changed the dynamic too quickly, but then she speaks.

“I… I really wanted that.” She says softly. You smile, nodding.

“Yeah. Me too.”

You turn your head away in an attempt to ease the fluttering in your chest. Ellie’s eyes are still on you, and she reaches out to brush a stray piece of hair away from your neck.

Your eyes land on the comic cover, and you laugh halfheartedly.

“I, um, barely finished it.” You utter. “The book.”

“Oh,” She says, raising her brows. “You… you can take some more with you, if you want. So you can read them.”

You shrug, looking back over at her.

“Or maybe I can just come back over here.” You add. “So I can read them with you?”

Ellie’s heart skips a beat, and she quickly nods. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s— great.”

You got up from her bed, putting the comics back. When you turn around, you press your lips together, looking off to the side.

“One condition, though.”

“Hm?” She says, looking back over at you.

“I come over as your girlfriend… not your friend.” You say shyly. “It’s my only rule.”

Ellie grins, standing up from the bed as well. She approaches you slowly.

“Well… you’re leaving as my girlfriend… aren’t you?”

“Am I?” You smile coyly, putting your arms around her neck. “This your way of asking me out?”

Ellie nods, face flushed. She thought it was cute, and a little funny, that you had casually assumed she went around kissing people she wasn’t into. She considered herself way too much of a loser to accomplish something like that.

You giggle a bit.

“Okay, then. Yeah, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Her girlfriend. Her girl. Ellie can’t help but feel fuzzy at the thought of it.

It sounded good — it sounded right, rolling off of your tongue. She truly couldn’t wait to have you around her arm, walking with you around town.

Ellie doesn’t say anything else, merely smiles bashfully as you lean in to kiss her again.

And even though she couldn’t be sure of the future, she’s sure that in this moment, she wouldn’t wanna be with anyone else besides you.

[whore-era]

affinity - part 2

ellie williams x fem!reader

themes: angst, pining, best friends, unrequited love, love triangle

summary: after drunkenly confessing your love to your best friend of five years, you try to move on from her, but your best friend has other plans in mind.

a/n: i think this one is horrible, not my best writing, but the words were just flowin outtttt. this is also very dialogue heavy so my apologies if yall arent into that

word count: 4,204

2/3 | affinity - pt 1

taglist: @sawaagyapong @katiemars @friiida-xx @elorawrites @eringaitskill @helaenaswife @3lliesrifle @elliesconverses @koolguysyndrome @muthafuckingstargirl @whteflwcrs @j-money777 @jolieetoile @elliewilliamsmunch @frasersgf @rumirim @siesie2 @starhrtz @mcu-junkie @yookayyo @viswifetotallyreal @franreadss @catostrophiclesbian @parkersmyth @tweecunt @ilovebasketball3333 @bigmoodyjoody @silhxvette

was i in heaven?

the question pops into your brain, as you truly thought you’d be dead in a ditch after the number of drinks you had last night. you made a mental note to thank dina later today for putting an end to your drunken endeavors from the night before. 

blinking your eyes open, your eyesight adjusting to your surroundings, you realize you are not in your own home at all. you’re at ellie’s, familiarizing yourself with her bedspread and decor. you sit up, wincing and holding your head, the pain throbbing in your skull at the sudden movement. 

sitting up properly, you scan your surroundings and your eyes stop at the sleeping figure on the couch. ellie was fast asleep on the cushions with a thin blanket covering her body, chest rising and falling at every gentle breath. 

in the past, you and ellie would have no issue sharing a bed and sleeping together, as you’ve both done it a thousand times before. you’d usually wake up first, and spend the morning staring at ellie sleeping, which you were thankful she never caught you doing or else she’d never let it go. you were always enticed by the way she looked while sleeping, she was out of her element and relaxed — different from her usual reckless personality.

now, ellie slept separately from you and you could only assume it was because of her new relationship with cat. closing your eyes and recounting the events from the day before, you shook off the tears forming in your eyes. god, so much for trying to forget about her. 

standing up quietly, careful not to wake her up, you pull on your shoes and make your way towards the door, opening it slowly and exiting from her shed before gently closing it again. you let out a sigh of relief, beginning the walk back to your own house. shading your eyes away from the rising sun to decrease the intensity of your pounding headache, you lay out your plans for the day.

okay, so i definitely have to shower ‘cause i reek of booze, and then i have to get ready for patrol in an hour, and then- you stop in your tracks, remembering you had patrol today, patrol with ellie. smacking a hand over your forehead, you make a note to stop by the tipsy bison to talk to maria about switching partners.

making it to your house within minutes, you rush to the bathroom and peel your clothes off to shower. the feeling of the warm water hitting your skin and relaxing your muscles was incomparable. it was a small slice of self-care you look forward to every day, as privileges like showers during an apocalypse was something hard to come by. 

cleansing the grime off your body, you step out of the shower and pull on some clothes for patrol — a long sleeve, jeans, a thick jacket, and a beanie. pulling on your boots and slinging on your backpack, you head out your door, remembering your keys this time, and make a beeline toward the bar. 

jackson early in the morning was something you’ve grown to love when heading out for patrol. the way the rising sun peeked over the edge of the trees, waking up the rest of the town, it always set a positive tone for your day. it was certainly one of the second-best things about this town, number one being a girl named ellie williams.

entering the bar, the bell tinkling as you opened the door, maria turns and smiles once she sees it’s you.

“just the girl i was looking forward to seeing,” maria greets, holding her broom in one hand and holding out one arm. you smile and give maria a side hug, “g’morning,” you mumble.

“so, how was last night?” the older woman queries, and you let out a groan of embarrassment. 

“don’t even remind me,” you beg, “i don’t wanna think about that at all, i’m still dealing with the consequences.” you rub your head, the throbbing still present. 

“well, it certainly was a sight for sore eyes,” maria chuckles, “anyways, don’t you have patrol in—” she pauses to check her wristwatch, “thirty minutes?” 

you nod, “that’s actually what i wanted to talk to you about.”

“uh, oh. this can’t be good.” 

“i just want to switch partners. please. put me with anyone. anyone but, ellie.”

maria sighed, “why? i mean, i’ll do it for you, but why?” 

“i just don’t think i can be around her anymore. ellie’s my best friend, well was, and i don’t wanna get in the way of anything,” you say, choking back tears, attempting to distract yourself by fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of your shirt. 

the older woman peered her eyes at you, thinking for a moment before speaking again. “okay, fine. you can be partnered up with jesse and ellie with dina.” 

you let out a breath of relief, “thank you, maria. i owe yo-“

“on one condition.”

you narrow your eyes at her, suspicious of what her condition entailed, “….okay.”

“try talking to ethan. i think you both would be good together.” 

“ethan? the stableboy?” 

maria nods, “yup. talked to him yesterday and he may or may not have a small crush on you. poor kid was blabbering on about how badass and brave you are for going on patrol and all that shit, and that you’re real pretty doing it all.”

you let out a laugh, cheeks flushing red, “okay, sure. i’ll— uh— give him a chance.” 

bidding maria goodbye and heading towards the front gates for patrol, you couldn’t help but think of what she said. ethan? the shy stableboy? crushing on you? you were flattered to say the least.

shaking your thoughts off, you make it to the stables and walk over to sunshine. ethan was already there, securing her saddles and brushing her brown coat. 

“good morning,” you greet, approaching him. he lifts his head up in surprise, a smile settling on his face once he realizes it's you. 

“oh hey, good morning,” he says in a sweet voice, “she’ll be ready in a few, just getting her all ready for you.” 

“no, no— uh— take your time,” you sputter out, “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to rush you or anything. just wanted to say hi.” 

what the hell was this? the 5th grade? why did you suddenly feel nervous talking to this guy? ethan smiles at you, a dimple poking out from his cheek. was that always there? 

“no worries,” he says coolly, “i’m glad you came over here. was hoping to see off the prettiest girl in jackson.”

your cheeks are warm and your face is red. is it getting hot in here? 

from the corner of your eye, you see jesse, giving you the perfect excuse to escape from ethan to calm down a bit. 

“i’ll be right back, i-i just need to talk to jesse.” you walk off quickly before he had the chance to see the tomato that was your face. 

approaching jesse, you poke him on the back and he quickly turns around, preparing to sucker-punch the person who dares sneak up on him from behind. 

“well, if it isn’t the little monster.” he gives you a cheeky smile, letting his fists fall down at his sides. 

you roll your eyes, “please, i don’t even wanna know how you came up with that nickname,” you breathe out, “anyways, we’re patrol partners now.”

“says who?”

“says me.”

jesse rolls his eyes as you let out a laugh, and joel and tommy gather the rest of the group to make some announcements and set the agenda for the day. from your peripheral, you see ellie appear a few feet away from you, adjusting her jacket and backpack. she probably overslept, evident from her disheveled clothes and her hurried state. 

the two brothers dismiss everyone to leave for patrol, and you see ethan walking towards you with sunshine. he hands you her leads, brushing his hands against yours. 

“see you after patrol?” he asks smiling at you, his dimple popping out again as he tilts his head to the side a bit. how cute.

“yeah, definitely,” you smile and he nods, putting his hands in his pockets and walking back toward the stables. when he disappears from your view, you see dina speaking to ellie, causing her to turn and look your way.

you quickly turn away, praying she didn’t catch you staring. as you and jesse leave for patrol, you couldn’t help the forming pit in your stomach, hoping that you made the right decision. 

that’s how the next three days went. you avoided talking to ellie, you talked to ethan at the stables, and you spent your time patrolling with jesse, which was mayhem in itself, but you tried to focus on the upside of it all.

however, ellie was growing annoyed by the second, fed up with you doing everything in your power to avoid her. 

“it’s like we weren’t best friends for years!” ellie vented out, the sound of the snow crunching beneath her boots as she strolled alongside dina, giving the horses a break.

“granted, she was in love with you for almost the entire duration of your friendship,” dina commented. 

ellie glared at her, “yea, but still— she could’ve talked to me or some shit. instead, she ignores me.” 

deep down inside, ellie felt guilty. blaming everything on herself for how things turned out. even though you never did admit your feelings directly, while sober, she should’ve seen the signs. ellie could only imagine how you felt— constantly having the person you loved for years telling you about their own romantic pursuits. it made sense why you took off the day she told you she was planning to ask cat to be her girlfriend, you were hurt. 

“it’s fine, ellie,” dina attempts to reassure, “besides, i’m sure she’ll be over it by the end of the week.”

“wait— what do you mean?” ellie stopped walking, hanging onto every word that dina was saying. 

“well- you know- um,” the darker-haired brunette stutters, “how would you feel seeing her with someone else?”

fire ignited in ellie’s veins, anger flowing through every vessel in her body. what the fuck? was this your solution? using some other person to get over your feelings for her? were you actually fucking serious?

“what are you saying, dina?” her fists begin to ball up, restraining the urge to punch a nearby tree trunk. 

dina’s eyes widened, realizing there was no hiding the secret now as ellie would’ve definitely found out sooner or later. ellie was perceptive and persistent, and would’ve bugged everybody in town if it meant finding out the truth about someone making plans to date you. 

“so, this is a funny story,” dina laughs nervously, “a little birdie told me that they set one of the stable boys up with her.” 

if you squinted your eyes and looked close enough, you could see the smoke coming out from ellie’s ears. she was infuriated. 

“who?”

“ethan.” 

“christ! fuckin’ ethan?” ellie yelled out in frustration, dina in the background grimacing from the sudden increase of volume in her tone.

“keep it down, will you? you’re gonna attract every clicker within a five-mile radius,” dina snapped, gaining another glare from those green eyes. 

“ugh,” ellie groaned, “this is a mess.”

“why does it even matter? you’re with cat, doesn’t this make everything easier actually?” dina asks, “the possibility of her being with someone else?”

ellie’s chest tightened. the very idea of you being with someone stirred something inside her guts. maybe it was the thought of them seeing your smile every day that made her sick to her stomach, or seeing you laugh til’ your belly hurt when you watched your favorite 90’s sitcom shows on VHS. it could also be the notion of someone holding you close when you watch the first edition of ‘nightmare on elm street’ because you get terrified every time you watch it that made her want to puke or — was it thinking about someone seeing the intimate parts of your body that did it instead?

“i-i don’t know, okay?” ellie says, “and, i’m not with cat.” she clarifies, hoisting herself back onto shimmer’s saddle. 

“huh? but didn’t you tell-” 

“i know what i said, but i’m not with cat.” ellie cuts dina off before she had a chance to interject again, “it’s time to head back. c’mon.” 

the journey back to jackson was painful for ellie, for she wanted nothing more than to see you and talk to you. every minute she was apart from you, she imagined ethan trying to win you over, swooning you with his corny jokes and suave pick-up lines. god, she was gonna be nauseous if she thought about that horse-boy one more time. 

making it back in due time, ellie and dina entered through the tall, wooden gates. ellie was quick on her feet and rushed off to find you, seeing that you were already back from patrol and that you were walking into the garden — your favorite path to cut through. 

ellie calls you out by your name, making you turn around but once you recognized who was calling for you, you cursed under your breath and walked faster. 

“hey!” ellie yells out, “i need to talk to you!” 

your feet pick up the pace, angering her even more. just as you were about to pass the bushels of purple hydrangeas, you felt a hand yank onto yours.

“stop runnin’ away from me! will you?” ellie breathes out, winded from having to chase after you. 

“sorry— i, uh—” you weren’t sure what to say, “i just had a long day.” 

ellie stares at you for a moment, “bullshit. why the hell do you keep fucking avoiding me?” 

you took your bottom lip between your teeth, a telltale sign of your anxiety forming, and if you didn’t look so damn gorgeous doing that surrounded by all the flowers, ellie swore she would’ve fallen to her knees and begged for your forgiveness right then and there. 

“i just— i made a decision that was necessary for our friendship.” 

you couldn’t look her in the eyes, knowing all the feelings you’ve managed to push to the back of your brain would come flooding back and the butterflies would flutter about in your belly again and your heart would pick up like you just finished laps around a football field.

“so, that’s it?” ellie’s voice is laced with bitterness, “we just forget about those five years?”

you stay silent, eyes focusing on the layer of snow covering the ground beneath your feet.

“you know, you can’t just fucking tell someone you’re in love with them and— and never speak to them again!” 

your ears perked up, “what are you talking about?” 

“that night,” ellie walks closer to you, “that night you were drunk, you told me you were in love with me.” 

fear settles into your body and you didn’t know what to say at that point. 

“that’s why i never went through with it. asking cat to be my girlfriend.”

you drag your eyes up, looking at her, and your brows draw together in confusion, “why not?” 

now it was ellie’s turn to be tongue-tied, “i-i don’t kno—wait, this isn’t about me!”

“what is this even about, els?” the way the nickname you had for her rolled off your tongue was enough to turn ellie williams into a puddle. it was unorthodox how ellie’s body reacted to every single thing you did, did this always happen or did she just now notice this?

“so, it’s true then? you’re in love with me?”

you hesitated before responding, unsure how she would react to your answer, “it doesn’t matter.”

“why not?”

“because my feelings don’t— they don’t matter,” you reply, irritation growing apparent in your tone, “what matters to me is that you’re alive and healthy and happy, even if it means you being with someone else.” 

ellie’s chest felt like it weighed 500 tons. she didn’t know what to do. she wanted to cry, she wanted to envelop you in her arms, she wanted to brush the hair from your face and hold your cheeks in her hands, she wanted to yell at you and tell you that your feelings were just as important and that your wellbeing mattered too.

but she stayed put, allowing her emotions to get the best of her. 

“and what about you? are you happy with ethan, huh? does he make you happy?” a devious smirk creeping on her face with a subtle mocking inflection in her words. 

“that’s not fair, ellie—” 

how she fucking hated it when you said her full name. to you, she was els. your els. 

“how?!” 

“becaus—” you were about to rip one into her, releasing your true, unearthed feelings that were bottled up over five years, but you felt your hand knock into someone’s nose as you had this horrid habit of talking with your hands when you were extremely emotional. 

“auggghh!” ethan groaned out in pain, holding his nose in agony. 

“oh my god! ethan!” you rush over to him, putting your hands on his face to get a look at the damage. streams of crimson flowed down his nostrils, dripping down to his shirt. 

“i’m so sorry!” you apologized, and the boy attempted to smile but cringed instead. 

ellie rolled her eyes, “no, she’s not.” she muttered, only loud enough for you to hear, inciting a glare from you.

“don’t worry about it. it’s fine,” ethan said, his voice sounding congested, “i should’ve made myself known before approaching you, but i came here because i wanted to ask you to dinner tonight— with me, at the diner.” 

ellie watched the smile grow on your face and the faded pink fan across your cheeks, and suddenly the world went silent, your lips mouthing the words ‘yes’. watching you wrap your arms around ethan and guiding him towards the infirmary, ellie couldn’t help the lump forming in the back of her throat — wishing it was her taking you out to dinner instead. but she had to stand back and watch you with someone else, a habit you knew all too well. 

- 

ellie williams never considered herself a heavy drinker. she was more of a social drinker at most, only drinking one or two beers maximum when there were the usual parties and get-togethers in town. but when you force yourself to watch the girl you love laugh at some smelly horse-boy’s jokes, you needed all the alcohol you can get.

hearing your laugh resonate through the air, ellie took another swig of bourbon, the spicy liquor burning her throat. 

“what the fuck could he be saying that’s so funny? huh?” ellie spat, the glass banging on the table, provoking a flinch from jesse and dina. 

“well, he’s actually kind of—” dina’s cut off by the incandescent scowl from her penetrating green eyes, “yea, no, he’s terrible.”

ellie’s head couldn’t grasp what you saw in ethan. were you attracted to his looks? he’s a 6.5 at best, is 5’6, and he’s slim. he’s also nice and friendly. but surely, ellie was better. 

she knew she was more attractive, at 5’7 with a fit physique from all those hours training in combat and getting in her workout during patrol. she also was kind, funny, and intelligent. however, ellie knew she would be better for you than ethan. she knew you like the back of her hand, she could protect you far better than he could if a situation were to arise, and she could make you feel good, in more ways than one. 

which is why when she spotted you and ethan preparing to leave, she knew this was her opportunity to get you alone, and also to cock-block him so he doesn’t end up trying to make a move and kiss you — an idea that immediately made her see red.

“where you goin’ this time?” jesse asks, noticing ellie stand up, taking one last gulp of that liquid courage.

“to get my girl back.” 

jesse and dina looked at each other, mouthing a quiet ‘finally’ as ellie marched out the door, hoping she could catch up to you and horse-boy. 

spotting you and ethan strolling down the trail, she catches sight of ethan’s hand trailing up to the small of your back. 

do not fucking touch her.

ellie calls out your name, causing you and ethan to turn around and stop in their tracks. slowly jogging towards you, “hey, can i talk to you?” she breathes out, winded from her slow run, “alone.”

“um, sure.”

ellie glares at ethan, and as ethan prepares to but in, insisting he can stay nearby, your hand gently touches his arm, “i’ll see you tomorrow bright and early before i leave for patrol. okay?” 

ethan reluctantly nods, “okay,” and he leans in to peck your cheek, “goodnight.” he gives ellie one last look, throwing a smirk her way before he leaves the two of you alone.

god, ellie never wanted to beat someone’s ass so badly.

her anger quickly falters once she glances at you again, looking beautiful as ever in your beanie and scarf with your cheeks all red and rosy from the chilly air. 

you clear your throat, snapping her out of her thoughts. “here, i’ll— uh— walk you home.” 

as you both begin your slow stroll, the tension is awkward and silent. you both didn’t know what to say. after a couple minutes of walking in this god-awful silence, ellie speaks up first, “so. how’s it going with ethan?”

“ellie, please. if you’re trying to be sarcastic—”

“no, no, i’m not,” ellie scratches the back of her neck, “i’m seriously asking. not trying to be a smartass or start an argument or anything.” 

you let out a heavy sigh, “he’s nice…and he’s friendly.” you weren’t sure what else to say about him. you didn’t know him that well yet and you didn’t want to admit to her that you didn’t think he was all that cute anyways, despite the dimple.

“yeah? you like him?” 

silence filled the air. you wanted to be careful with what you were going to say next, but ellie had a way to make you feel comfortable enough to open up about things you didn’t want to talk about. it was easy to talk to her because you knew she was actually listening. 

“it’s not that easy to get over you, you know?” you murmur quietly, but you could tell ellie picked up on what you said. “i feel guilty for— i guess using him as a rebound, to get over what i felt for you.”

“what did you feel for me?” 

you scoff, “seriously, els? you’re gonna make me say it?” ellie couldn’t help but smile at the way her nickname sounded leaving your lips. “i had a lot of feelings for you. i mean— we were best friends and you were on my mind all the time. you made my head hurt when i thought about you too much and when i was around you i got those cheesy butterflies in my stomach that people in the movies talk about.” you couldn’t help the small smile that mindlessly crept on your lips when you talked about this, and ellie couldn’t help but feel dumb for not realizing how she felt sooner. 

“why didn’t you ever say anything?” 

you shrugged, “i didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship and lose you. our friendship meant the world to me,” you looked down, fiddling with your shirt again as anxiety built up inside you, “and besides, it seemed like you never saw me anything more than a friend. i was never gonna be that girl. it was always someone else.” 

ellie’s thoughts were running rampant, wanting to say all these things to you and tell you that you were wrong and that you are the girl for her. she wanted to beg on her knees and say she was sorry that she didn’t realize how she felt sooner, and that she was only using other girls to compensate for the fact that she couldn’t have you. but nothing came out. 

approaching the front door, you take your key out from your jean pocket. “well, goodnight, els. i’ll see you tomorrow?”

once more, everything in the world went quiet and all ellie saw was you. you were standing in front of her, so clearly. the small details of your face illuminated by the soft glow of the porch light made you look like an angel sent from above. ellie knew she didn’t deserve you, after everything you’ve been through, after all the hurt she caused for you; but she was dumb if she thought she going to let you go so easily. ellie had to fight for you and she didn’t give a fuck who was in her way.

in one, swift move, ellie wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you in to press her lips against yours.

affinity - part 3 here

[chappellroansdreamgirl]

good luck, babe! [e.w x fem!reader.]

chapter one.

author's note!<3 - this is inspired by chappell roan's unreleased song good luck, babe! i lllloooovveee chappell roan! this was originally going to be just a LONG ASS one-shot but i don't think i can write any more tonight 😭😭 . BUT I REALLY WANNA PUBLISH IT SO HOPEFULLY YOU GUYS LIKE IT!!!! also forgive me if there's any grammar/spelling errors... i'm posting this at 12:59 am🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶 . reblogs and comments are SO appreciated!!! i busted my ass for y'all 🤗 .

content warnings - SLIGHT angst, reader has internalized homophobia and is outright homophobic to ellie, reader is in the closet, ellie is a lovergirl and she's going through the five stages of grief, modern!au, reader gets sexually assaulted/harrassed, LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING ELSE!!!!

special thanks to!!!!: @sharkfemme and @dykedearest FOR HELPING ME OUT!!!!!! and also LYNN AND MAXIM!!! ALL FOUR OF YOU ARE AMAZING BETA READERS I'M KISSING YOU ALL THROUGH THE PHONE RN!!!

------------------------------------------------------------

it's fine, it's cool.

ellie's grip on her glass got impossibly tighter as her eyes never left your figure, your body swaying to whatever shitty mainstream pop music that was playing.

ellie williams hated secrets. she hated surprises, and she hated being in love with you.

she hated the way you would ghost her after spending a week at her apartment. she hated the way you would stop responding to her texts after you would leave. she hated the way she would let you back in when you needed her, she hated how much she loved to comfort you. she hated how gentle you were when it was just the two of you, compared to how cruel you got in public.

you can say that we ain't nothin' when you know the truth.

ellie took her hand off the glass and gripped the bar table instead, afraid that if she broke another glass she'd be banned from the bar.

you were like forbidden fruit to her, or maybe that was what she was to you.

she knew you weren't ready to come out of the closet. she understood that. so, why keep on playing this fucking game with her?

why did she even still feed into it?

i guess i'm, the fool.

the closet was made out of glass, really. you would stare at every woman's body that passed you, your eyes would scan up their short dress, she could see the curiosity and desire in your face.

but every single time after you two would hook up, there was always a new excuse.

"i'm not a fucking lesbian, ellie. i just... don't like men sometimes." sometimes?

"they're just stupid thoughts... it's not like i could ever be with a woman." but you had been. you had been with her.

"ok but... do you even count as a woman? you wear boxers, you don't even know the meaning of the term ladylike and... i don't know- look at your fuckin' hair! the closest you'd get is a transwoman." that one had hurt her. she didn't talk to you for a month after you made that comment. and then you appeared in her apartment complex hallway, sobbing hysterically.

and of course, she took you back.

like she always does.

with her arms out like an angel, through the car sun-roof.

she hated playing this fucking game with you. it was killing her.

every single time she'd see you at this bar, she imagined you dragging her onto the dancefloor. she imagined being able to walk out with your hand in her's, waking up to your groggy groans when the sun invaded the sacred space of your shared bedroom, you'd hide your face in her neck, mumbling something about, "shouldn't have drank that much last night."

every single time you pulled this shit on her, it felt like her already shattered heart broke off into impossibly tinier pieces.

"i wish you were a boy." crack.

"it's not easy for me like it is for you, els. i don't know the first thing about being proud of myself." crack.

"this hurts me more than you, baby." shattered. her heart was shattered.

it hurts you more than her?

the fucking audacity.

the nights she spent crying next to your sleeping figure.

the hours she'd spent texting you and checking her phone second after second after goddamn second.

the way she would ignore every single obligation she had to pick you up from whatever shit-hole situation you had found yourself in, immediately and happily dropping anything to make sure you were ok.

and it hurt you more than it hurt her?

you didn't know shit about hurt. about misery. about love.

i don't wanna cut it off!

her friends had told her to cut you off. her therapist said in his own professional shrink way that you would never be good for her. at least not while you weren't even good for yourself.

but she couldn't let you go. it seemed like every reason that she had to leave you, fuelled her determination to stay.

but you don't wanna call it love!

every single time you somehow broke her heart in a new way, she fell harder in love with you.

you just wanna love someone that calls you baby!-

ellie was pulled out of her internal anger when your eyes met hers. although it was only a few seconds ago, it felt like she was staring into your eyes for an eternity.

don't fuckin' wave, ellie. look away- LOOK AWAY. , she thought to herself as she was unable to look away from your beautiful irises.

you had this slight smile on your face, the dancefloor's led lights adding a shimmer to your already twinkling eyes.

it felt like her melancholy thoughts had lifted and increased all at the same time by the sight of you acknowledging her presence.

ellie went against her better judgement, her slender hand flying up to wave at you. her lips quirked upwards gently as she scanned your delighted face.

your light expression quickly turned into one of frustration, suppressing your grin with a tightening of your lips before pulling the nearest man close to you in for an unexpected kiss, opening your eyes once you knew the mystery man's were closed, locking your eyes onto ellie's before closing them once more.

the light had died in ellie's stomach after that. her happy hand that was raised in the air faltered painfully back to her side as she watched the man's hands roam down from your sides... to your waist... to your ass.

you can kiss a hundred boys in bars,

those butterflies that she had just felt in her tummy had died slowly, turning into knots of anguish.

she watched your hands cradle the man's face. those same hands that had counted each and every freckle on her face on a snowy morning that had you both stranded in her apartment.

those same hands that had a death-grip on her back as you sobbed into her shoulder every other weeknight as she tried to muffle her own cries.

those same hands that had shoved her violently as she finally tried to stand her ground one afternoon you showed up knocking on her door. "you know what... fuck you, ellie! i don't know why i keep on doing this shit with you anyways." you said, before storming off. you called her later that night. she answered. "i'm sorry, els. i'm sorry, i'll do better, i'm so sorry-" , "it's ok, baby. it's ok. i know you didn't mean it. you're ok baby, i forgive you."

shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling!

she would've stayed in that seat, stewed in her anger for a bit more before the tears inevitably came falling down if it wasn't for the way the dude's hands creeped under your skin-tight jeans and how you flinched away from his grasp, breaking the kiss immediately with a nervous giggle creeping up.

the guy obviously took it as an invitation to do more, placing his hand back on your waist and agressively pulling you closer.

you can say it's just the way you are,

ellie's head tilted as she watched this go down.

what she wanted to do was launch that creep into the nearest wall and make sure he never tainted your body again. but she didn't want to get up too soon, she wanted to be certain that you needed help, whether you wanted it or not.

your hand stopped him from coming any closer, placing it right before his chest. you said something along the lines of, "don't want to do anything." .

make a new excuse, another stupid reason-

instead of him being a decent human being and leaving you alone, his face quickly turned into one of anger. his jaw jutted out as he tried to pull you in again, leaving you thrashing against his body.

how was no one else seeing this? why was no one else doing anything?!

she didn't even have time to process what she was about to do. her feet were on the ground, marching their way towards you before she could even think about her course of action in a smart way.

"let me go, fuckin' creep!" she heard you shriek as she grew closer to you, attempting to elbow him in the chest.

ellie felt like no matter how fast she was walking, she would never make it to you in time.

he laughed tauntingly as he grinded against. "i'm the creep, bitch?! you kissed me f-"

his last word was stolen from him as ellie forcefully pushed him off you with and landed a blow against his nose.

he groaned in pain, falling to the ground as he cradled his now-broken-nose.

you gasped in shock and horror. "what the fuck, ellie?!" you scolded her. as if you would've been fine on your own.

she ignored your words though, pulling the guy's hand away as she forced another punch to his face.

now people were finally looking.

she didn't stop until she felt your hands on her stomach, pulling her away from the scene.

"she fuckin'... said... no!..." ellie's voice thundered, erratic breaths in between her words before bringing one last painful kick to his face before letting you lead her out of the bar and into the night air.

you didn't stop even after you two were at the entrance door of the establishment, you made sure the two of you were far enough away that ellie wouldn't be caught if the police were called.

she couldn't help but feel those stupid fucking butterflies again as your hand gripped hers and felt a little disappointed when you dropped it, suddenly all too aware that you were still in public.

her green eyes met your own, yours filled with anger and chaos... hers filled with love.

"hey, swan." the auburnette sighed out simply, that stupid love-grin back on her face as she was finally close to you.

your eyebrows furrowed in disbelief as your hands went to massage your temples. you let out a humorless giggle. "you're so... fucking stupid, ellie!" you exclaimed, shoving her chest as if she was in the wrong.

her grin turned into a confused frown as she surrendered her hands in the air, her eyebrows mirroring your own now. "wh-wh....what-"

good luck, babe!

"god, you have this severe goddamn saviour complex or some shit!... i was fine! i was fucking fine on my own before you marched in and assaulted that guy."

well good luck, babe!

you gaslighted beautifully, defending the man you knew nothing about over the woman who was fatally in love with you, she almost believed you.

ellie's frown turned into an angry smile as she brought a hand to gently wipe over the bridge of her nose, a mannerism of her's she had developed whenever she got frustrated with you.

"assau-... ok, sure-... you wanna talk about assault, baby? that fuckin' guy would've assaulted you if i didn't step in. he was assaul-"

you shut your eyes tightly the way you do when you wanted to block something out that ellie was obviously right about. you shook your head stubbornly. "gggoddd ellie- it was my fault! i wanted it and then i didn't. i shouldn't have- i shouldn't have kissed him in the first place. i gave him mixed signals, i-"

you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling!-

your eyebrows grew dangerously closer to your face as you cradled your head in your hands.

ellie was quick to walk right back to you, caressing your arms.

"what? baby, no. no, it's not your fault... that- that fuckin' guy... hey... look at me, sweetheart." she cooed lovingly.

good luck, babe!

you slowly brought your hands away from your face, meeting her breathtaking green eyes.

you wanted to fall into her arms, you wanted to thank her for coming to your rescue and kiss her and confess to her how scared you truly were.

but you didn't. you never did.

your slightly calm expression that came over you once you met your secret lover's gaze turned into one of annoyance. ellie was, like always, taken by surprise as you thrashed against her grip, just like the way you did with that monster in the bar.

good luck, babe!

ellie's eyes blurred with tears as she watched your face turn into a grimace.

"fuck you, ellie." you said quietly as you broke free from her hands, storming off into the night. leaving her. like always.

you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.

[olive-fics]

can we reverse uno your loser abby and see some loser reader. i always think about what modern abby and i would be like in the stories here and honestly lmfao, i'd be hiding in my college dorm playing botw ft'ing ellie and she would be the concerned RA that wonders why i never leave my room and sit in the dark all day. on a good day i think we'd parallel percy and annabeth

Oh my gosh YES. I'm not much of a BOTW player so I cannot make any references. (sorry.) not proof read and not very thought out..

LoserReader!: who gets taken to the mall by Abby knowing you would try to stop at every video game store, pop culture, or figurine store to find something related to your favorite show or videogame just to end up not buying it. Abby spoils you anyway.

Abby:"I'll just buy it for you. . It's only like..$50."

Y/N:"$50..??"

Abby: "I'll spend $50 on you, it's your favorite game so.. why not? Plus, you're my girlfriend."

Gf!Abby: who notices you replaying your favorite game over and over again even though she just bought you a new video game you BEGGED for last week.

Abby: "Breath of the Wild..? Again.? What about that one game I jus- Nevermind."

Gf!Abby: Who isn't much of a gamer but still wants to support you, comes back from stores and stops by after work to get you something related to your interest.

Abby:"It's just a little figure, I saw it on the display and thought you'd like it."

Y/N:"LEMME SEE!"

Gf!Abby: Who leaves for work at 9am, coming back from work at 5pm seeing you in the same place she saw you in before she left. Either in your bed or on the couch playing your video games on call with Ellie Williams.

Ellie:"Dude Holy shitt! You didn't tell me this part would be so difficult..! Y/n!"

Gf!Abby:Who takes you to anime/Gaming conventions to be a nerd and watch you fangirl over your interests.

Y/N:"Abby! Abs! Look! This is the limited edition collector's Figure from 2006 that has the-" You get the point.

Gf!Abby:Who cosplays your favorite character's and plays video games with you to make it more fun.

I feel like Abby would be the type to make you do the same with her interests in a way? Like we all know she likes to work out, I feel like she'd drag you to the gym or into the studio to lift some weights and do yoga or something.

Sorry if these sucked, I took a long break now I'm brain dead lol

[no-nameno-face]

Voicemail (AUDIO)

Ellie Williams x Listener SFW Audio

Warnings: SFW AUDIO BUT NSFW ACCOUNT MINORS DNI. drinking is pretty much the only warning i can think of.. <3

Author's Notes: a quick little sfw audio now that im back home. <3 i threw this together super quick so its not anything exceptional (esp. the scripting lmfao) but its kinda cute. Just tipsy ellie thinking about you while shes out with jesse trying to be his wingman. I just updated my editing app and now my audios are doing this weird popping thing, trying to figure it out. Hopefully its not too painfully obvious. Lmfao. swf audios are hardddd. Idk how to write non-smut i stg. Its a problem. Hope you guys like this little blurb of an audio. <3 love you all bunches!!! (alsooo i dont think this music sucks for the record but i just KNOW ellie would. rip)

(thank you to @thatgiraffefromtlou for the request that inspired thisss ilysm <3)

[cheyisagirlkisser]

Fading with the Leaves 2/2

₊ ‎ ‎Ellie Williams x Fem! Reader‎ ‎ ₊ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

݁ ˖ ◜WARNING: Sensitive content. Mentions of grief, PTSD, violence, etc. Sexual content included (not actual smut but is definitely close), and mentions of eating disorders.

݁ ˖ ◜Word count: 3.3k (includes bonus content, not just the final part).

݁ ˖ ◜Description: Ellie returns to Jackson, but things aren’t the same as they were so easily were back at the farmhouse. Nightmares still plague her vision, and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to keep her promise to you.

PART ONE

"Ellie!!" You're giggling, and she's holding you close to her from behind.

"C'mon, babyyy..just one kiss? Just gimme one kiss?"

You let out one last laugh and turn to face her. Her hands immediately find your waist and she squeezes tight. You're leaning in, and she feels like it's the Fourth of July the way fireworks are being lit, just about to pop off into the sky and create the pure thrill of being yours after so long. Before your lips meet though, you're pulling away. Your grave is shallow, and your lips aren't warm or colored.

Then she woke up.

With a groan, she stared up at her ceiling. Her alarm clock next to her read 7:00 am.

It had been a few weeks since she returned to Jackson. Those weeks were hellish for a stubborn girl like Ellie.

She wanted to talk to you, to make things right. At first, she visited the farmhouse. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but it still hurt to walk into the place she had so much love for, only to see all of the decor replaced with bare walls and a naked floor. This time, she wouldn’t just turn around and run as far as possible. It was indeed time to return to Jackson.

Ellie figured you’d probably be there. Jackson was all you really knew for a while, it was the main thing for both of you. However, in her time there, she still couldn’t gather the courage to make things right. Truth is, she figured that you moved on. You at least were trying to, and who was she to interrupt that? You seemed happier now than you were back at the farmhouse, months of distance she put between the two of you. You were so understanding, that was the hardest part of it all.

Neither leaving nor returning were easy. 

Healing isn't some chronological spectrum. You knew that, and Ellie did, too. She didn't easily heal when she left, and there was no moment where she just magically moved on from Joel's death. Everyday she was out there in Santa Barbara, thoughts caved in and practically devoured her sanity. Still, she accepted it. She was finally able to accept it for what it was,to find some closure in all of the mess that was grief. 

She still had nightmares, though. She had dreams you were still hers, kissing her cheek or letting her pepper your sweet, sensitive skin in all of her love. In her dreams, your eyes were as lively as she remembered. Your features were a little blurry, as if she couldn’t remember them. That hurt even more than the actual terror part of her nightmares in which you’d slip away from her grasp; your stiff, cold hands decomposing into bones.

She’d awake from the nightmares all sweaty, shaken up from the pictures her own mind conjured up. She couldn’t recall the last time dreams had made feel so disturbed. Not since Joel. She would stare up at her garage ceiling, the garage Joel left for her, until the sun began to rise in the sky.

Death was a cycle in the world, and all of the people could at least agree on that. What blinds people to the cycle like an undercurrent is many times, death itself. Kill one person, you avenge yourself. That person has connections that you can't fathom. They have brothers, sisters, parents, friends and lovers who aren't afraid to avenge them. You have brothers, sisters, parents, friends and lovers who will avenge you. Where does it end?

That’s what Ellie knew now, and what she wished she knew before, back when she was promised a second chance with you. Now, she was uncertain about her future.

She was scared. The dreams wouldn't just suddenly cease if the two of you got back together. Everything that happened would still be the past. She didn't want to lose you, but you were already out of reach. She could make good on her promise and still lose you. That was terrifying.

She was going through her old comics, fingertips brushing against the dusted-over titles she used to read obsessively and so carelessly. She winced. 

-

“Jeez, you really are a nerd.”

Ellie scoffed, playfully smacking your shoulder. “And you still like me.”

You smiled, your eyes still lively, face still as gorgeous as she remembered it to be. “No.”

Ellie’s face was more-so confused. “What do you mean ‘no’? Do you not like me?”

You leaned forward, and Ellie’s heartbeat was jumping out of her chest. 

“I love you.”

-

After a week, Ellie finally broke.

Her chest would hurt when she saw pastries at the bakery. She was reminded of the times you still baked for her even when she turned away from you. Her eyes would widen when she saw someone with your color eyes or even remotely similar, thinking of the times she laughed right into your ear, telling you all of the things she thought your eyes were like. She was always hit with the look on your eyes when you finally gave up. The guilt ate her alive until she couldn't bear it anymore, and from her front door she rushed out.

...

Seasons come and they leave, just like people. From soft summer petals to the frigid, cracked remains that bleed into the ground during the harsh Jackson winters, everything has to come and go. Ellie was never your soulmate if she was fated to leave, but she was back now. What can you do? You knew deeply in your sensible mind that you should’ve moved on. Your story wasn’t finished, though. She promised you she’d come back. Why hasn’t she talked to you yet?

In all honesty, the “moving on” you did in Jackson would’ve cracked so easily if she talked to you. The resolve you held was embarrassingly low. Why didn’t she just talk to you, is the question that kept plaguing your mind. She was back in Jackson, and she made you a promise. You tried not to think about it as days passed you and the weather in the sky went through its unpredictable phases. 

In a way, you saw those phases as how you perceived Ellie. Seasons are much too predictable. Weather is the opposite, in a way. You know that if it’s going to rain, it may rain the next day. You can tell that when it’s spring, storms and April showers are expected. You can never predict when, though. You can’t seem to predict when Ellie will happen, or if she will happen again, not for a long time. The only difference is that with Ellie, you can only hope she’ll swing back into your life. You know that it’ll rain again, though. Even if it’s a really long time.

The clouds were lacking in the sky tonight. There were no extreme storms, just cool wind.. You sat at your dinner table alone, a plate of meat and potatoes half-eaten. Every dinner felt empty without a freckled face to kiss, a warm hand to massage your stress out of your shoulders. You kept telling yourself you were over it all, that you wouldn't count on her keeping the promise; then why were you foolishly hoping she’d knock on your door and grovel at your feet?

Knock, knock, knock. 

You were shocked to say the least when your door swung open to reveal Ellie, darkness underneath her eyes and frazzled hair. You swallowed, trying to keep it together.

“I’m so sorry..” She breathed heavily in pants, as if she had run here. 

“Ellie.”

“I should’ve talked to you sooner, I know.” She was speaking fast, getting it all out while she still had the courage to. “I can’t move on from it. I got the closure, I got over the whole stupid fucking phase, and I’m still up at night after hours of nightmares.”

Why was she telling you all of this?

“I have dreams of you. I have dreams in which I think they’re the best dreams I’ve ever had, and you’re back in my arms. I’ll be holding you, and you’re just like yourself. So sweet and your eyes are just how I remember. And then you’re dead, and I can’t touch you..” She trailed off, tears streaming down her face. 

You tried to reach out and wipe the salty droplets away, but she looked genuinely scared. Not disgusted or indifferent, but terrified. It made you pull away.

“I haven’t talked to you..because I..I just can’t touch you again.” She sniffled, and it was obvious that this was all hard for her to admit. “I’m scared that I’ll have you again, and it’ll all be perfect. It was actually perfect once, a while ago before all of this shit happened. Now, I don’t know if I can handle touching you and dealing with myself if it is all just a dream. Another nightmare.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. You knew that Ellie struggled with nightmares before, when the two of you lived at the farmhouse. During that era of your life that made you wince in remembrance. You never realized why you were so involved. She was scared to lose you, too.

“Ellie..I’m real. I’m here. This isn’t some perfect little romantic dream or an agonizing nightmare. This is just the world.” You gently reached out once more, and this time, she didn’t flinch. She let you embrace her as she sobbed. 

You don’t think you had ever witnessed Ellie crying before. Even when everything happened, she wasn’t the type of person to bawl, especially not in your arms like this. Even when she lost Joel, she didn’t cry. Not in front of you, at least. When she accidentally stabbed her hand with a hunting knife on patrol, she laughed about it more than she cried. However, something inside of you felt a sense of relief that she was opening up to you like this. Ellie was touching you once again, and she wasn’t refusing because of her dreams.

Ellie asked to sleep in your bed that night. You knew that everything that happened wasn’t going to magically heal over because she finally talked to you, but it was a start. Plus, you knew what she needed was a priority over the long talk and the slow restart of your relationship. So, you let her hold you tightly in her arms and you thought about how good it felt to just feel her warmth again. Her fingertips rubbed delicately over your stomach, tracing patterns into your skin that lulled the both of you to sleep.

Ellie, for the first time in a while, slept the entire night. Feeling you all over every inch of her skin, even where your body didn’t reach but instead died down in peace, wasn’t like a perfect moment straight out of a dream. If anything, it made it better, though. There wasn’t a need to kiss right in the moment or spend all night awake in desperation with you, like just holding you closely was enough in this moment. Being in your presence was enough at this moment. When this was all sorted out, maybe then she could pull you in for a desperate kiss, feel every inch of your body over hers without any barriers. Live with you again, experience every holiday and season with you until you’re both old and Jackson’s infamous married couple. For now, she just needed to know that you were safe and alive. That was enough for her. 

BONUS CONTENT: So, I know the ending didn’t provide a lot of romantic content that I like to provide. Fading with the Leaves was always meant to be more of a ptsd story or just overall an opportunity for me to write Ellie’s grieving with a character other than Dina. That said, below, I’m including some ideas that I thought were cute.. If you would like to request extra content for them, go ahead<3

-

“What did you think of me when we met?” You asked your wife. She leaned in closer, careful to not be too awkward with her movements and collapse the entire blanket fort in itself. 

“I thought that you were the prettiest girl in this world.” She smiled bashfully, and you turned the flashlight on, blinding her and making her groan dramatically. “What the fuck, babe?!”

“You haven’t seen every girl in the world, you liar! How can I be the prettiest?” 

Ellie snatched the flashlight out of your hands. It was storming outside, rain hitting the roof, and thunder was threatening. Still, the two of you felt safe against each other in the make-shift fortress. This was a tradition, making shitty blanket forts with the bed’s comforter and a bunch of couch pillows when the storms were even just mild. 

“You’re the prettiest because I’m telepathic and just know it.” She gave you a toothy grin, stupidly proud of herself, and it successfully made you laugh.

“You’re an idiot. Do you even know what telepathic means?” 

“Magical.”

“It means you can read people’s minds!” 

Ellie rolled her eyes at that, but moved to plant a kiss on your cheek. “I’m telepathic, still…I know what you’re thinking right now.”

You decided to bite, but still raised a skeptical brow. “Yeah?”

Ellie didn’t give you a verbal answer, instead cupping your face to kiss you. You melted into her lips, letting her part them with her tongue and softly graze the inside of your bottom lip with her teeth. It made you jolt, and she moved to hover on top of you. Until her head hit the top of the comforter, sending the fort you spend an eternity on (15 minutes) to collapse. You would’ve protested, but Ellie was too distracting, and you didn’t care to leave the broken structure for a while.

-

Ellie had you held to her chest tightly, and you could feel her heart beating against your back. It was bedtime for the two of you since Ellie had patrol in the morning and you had babysitting duties, but it was hard to fall asleep when the both of you couldn’t seem to stop talking. Late night conversations were always the best.

“Why are you excited about babysitting?” Her warm breath hit your ear as she spoke.

“The kids are usually sweet. I mean, usually.” 

Ellie laughed at that, squeezing you tighter. “That’s very unlike any experience I’ve ever had with children.”

“Maybe that’s because you rile them up.” It was true, Ellie had a tendency to be as hyper as the children she was around and then, it was harder to handle them. It was kind of endearing, though. She was actually really good with kids.

A moment of silence, and then Ellie was flipping you over onto your back, half-way hovering over you, propping herself up with her elbow beside you. 

“Do you think we’ll ever have a kid?”

That made your heart skip a beat, and in some weird way, a way you only felt when talking about your future with Ellie. It was never the way that you would feel when nervous around her, like when she first asked you out. It was a warm feeling, something that made you giddy inside. 

“You really want a kid together, El?”

“I think you’d make a good mother..and there’s plenty of kids in Jackson who are orphaned.” 

You smiled and leaned up, meeting her half-way in a kiss. She tasted addictive, comforting. Her kisses were always sweet and warm, and you felt yourself practically overheart with the situation, the feelings and excitement. You tried to wrap your head around it all. Having a kid with Ellie. Ellie, who you used to just have a crush on. Ellie, who became your favorite person. Every single memory leading up to this moment, the ups and downs, they all just reminded you that she was yours and that you were indeed going to spend the rest of your life with her.

-

Flipping over a piece of sausage, you hummed softly to yourself. It was early morning. You and Ellie had a free day, which was rare. Ellie was still upstairs deep in sleep, but you woke up earlier than her, so you decided to make her breakfast. 

For a while in Ellie’s life, she wasn’t much of an enthusiastic eater, especially when she lost Joel. You noticed that when the two of you started dating, she never cared much to go into the Tipsy Bison and grab sandwiches for lunch, and the weird behavior towards food increased in the grief. 

These days weren’t perfect, but she was learning to eat more healthily and not skip meals on patrol. She hadn’t admitted it to you, but was very grateful for the fact that you cooked for her because that was partially the reason she was feeling better about her diet. You were a good cook, sure; but when you and her were in a bad place, she’d remember how you would bake pastries for her in that old farmhouse. She promised to not take advantage of that again. 

You felt hands wrap around your waist, and completely surround you. She was awake now, apparently. Did you even hear her walk in here? 

“Mornin’, babe.” She rasped, voice heavy with sleep. It was a delicious sound that made you almost forget to flip the fried eggs, and you nearly burnt the entire breakfast when she pulled your hair aside to place open-mouthed kisses all over the side of your neck.

“Ellie!!” You scolded playfully.

“What?” Playing innocent. Five more soft kisses, and then a trace of tongue that made you dizzy. “You can tell me to stop…” Met with silence. She leaned up to whisper in your ear, “want me to stop?”

You shook your head, but continued trying to focus on the cooking. You were nervous. That sounds silly, because you and Ellie are practically married, but it was hard not to be, hard not to feel that same old flutter in your stomach when she got greedy in the mornings. 

She didn’t take her hands off of you for the entirety of dinner. She pulled you over to sit on the couch with the plates instead of the kitchen table, and you allowed it. As much as you scolded her very often for ruining your routine, you liked the way she balanced out with you, not so predictable. 

She leaned against you as she ate, eating rather quickly. As soon as your own plate was empty, she pried it out of your hands and pounced on you.

“Ellie, what the–” She snickered against your mouth, kissing you deeply. Oh, so it was one of those mornings. 

Hands trailed over your body, and she let out a soft moan of appreciation when you parted your legs so that her body could fit between them. Her mouth was growing sloppy on yours, tongue sliding against your own while her sneaky hands palmed your breasts through your shirt. 

Her hips were shifting against yours. It was pointless for friction, since there was no way to feel anything like this. Still, she was horny, possessed by whatever demon got to her in her sleep and made her so needy for you at 8 in the morning. It still felt good even without the actual stimulation, making you moan into her mouth. She broke the kiss with a small string of saliva still connecting the two of you until it was quickly cut off by her swollen, wet lips trailing kisses down your neck and over your chest, fabric being an inconvenience. She made her way down your body, and with the pop of your jean button coming undone, you were already as much of a mess as she was. She had an even bigger appetite than you anticipated, but you weren't complaining.

Taglist: @mcqueeferson @livvieloveswomen @autisticintr0vert @xaaaavleg @sevyscoven

[kurishiri]

03 . . . alfons main story (with letter)

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— cw: fluff?? in alfons route??? guys pigs might fly in the sky next- /lh

Ever since I had become Alfons’ ‘mission-only exclusive fairytale keeper,’ I put my energy into keeping as much distance as I could possibly get away from him.

(No Alfons to the right... and no Alfons to the left either. Which means I can get through the day without being found by him.)

Or, that would be nice, but he was also much like an apparition, appearing in the most unexpected times and places, so who knew where he’d pop up next...

Alfons: A very good day to you.

Kate: Eek!?

He didn’t make so much as a footstep as he popped up behind me, blowing into my ear and making me jump.

Kate: My heart was about to fly out of my chest, Alfons!

As always, I glared at him whilst hiding both my hands behind my neck, and he — as always — donned a smile laced with amusement.

Alfons: Hehe, but I do find it quite endearing, seeing you stand on your hair as you are doing now.

A: But worry not, my intentions are nothing short of pure now, so come here, won’t you?

Well, my trust in him was nothing short of nonexistent.

Kate: No thank you... and stop following me.

Alfons: Oh dear, your words ring so cold.

——Like that, while continuing to be bothered by Alfons,

I got to know the other members of Crown little by little in order to fulfill my duties as a ‘fairytale keeper.’

For example, let’s take Liam.

Although he was such a brilliant stage actor, very sensitive and a wonderful person to boot,

his Curse made it so he couldn’t suppress his curiosity, and he would occasionally go out with Alfons, whom he considered a friend, to do dangerous games.

(And when I say ‘dangerous games’... I’m not sure I want to know what that entails.)

As for Harrison,

I had come to realize that beneath his somewhat curt disposition was someone who would often lend a helping hand to those who needed it.

He was also quick-witted enough to slip past even Alfons’ eyes at times, too.

(I heard he had the Lying Fox’s Curse... which sounds about right.)

(But, his lies come from a kind place... at least, that’s what I think.)

And then there was Jude and Ellis, who were often absent from the castle due to their work at Jude’s company.

Jude was rather unapproachable with his sharp tongue, and he bore the Curse of the Thirteenth Fairy.

Meanwhile, Ellis, who was always gentle and kind, bore the Curse of the Thorns.

William and Victor were both shrouded in mystery, and I could never seem to figure out what those two were thinking.

But when I had heard that these two were the cofounders of Crown, I was surprised, to be sure, but I also felt it was a strangely fitting narrative at the same time.

(Both of them give off the impression that they are the last two people in the world you would want as an enemy...)

And then, there was Alfons. If I had to say anything about him...

(Whenever I ask the others questions about him, they all say more or less the same thing...)

And that is, ‘He is someone who relishes in others’ reactions, and loves to do things that feel good.’

—— Time skip ——

(Hah... I’m so tired.)

Today as well, the sun had set as I was gathering information on Crown as the fairytale keeper.

(Nothing like a cup of tea for a break.)

As I was brewing a cup, all of a sudden a hand reached out from behind without any warning.

Alfons: I see you have worked diligently today as well. Good job.

Kate: Wh—Alfons!?

Alfons: For the hardworking little robin, how about I personally brew the tea for you?

(Okay, but when did he come into the kitchen...!?)

Kate: Thank you, but no thank you. I can do it myself...

Alfons: I daresay there are a great many other things those words are better suited for.

With that, Alfons took the teapot from my hands before he started to brew the tea with elegant mannerisms.

(Ah...)

His gestures were so refined that without thinking, I continued to stare at him.

Such refinement felt almost tangible enough to make me think that this was not a superficial act, but rather the real thing.

Alfons: Here, it’s done.

He placed the teacup and the saucer on the table, and in an attempt to hide the fact that I was bewitched by his elegance for a moment, I accepted it in haste.

Kate: T-thank you very much...

When I looked into the cup, though, my eyes widened.

Kate: Wait, what is this tea? It’s all blue...

Alfons: That blue color would come from a herb called blue mallow. If you let it sit, it will eventually and gradually turn purple.

As if to prove his words then and there, the deep blue color started to change color.

It was as though the deep blue of the dawn sky was being lightly blotted by vermillion.

Kate: You’re right... I’ve never seen anything like this before...

Alfons: Go on now, have a sip.

I took in the beautiful colors with my eyes before I brought the cup to my lips, taking a sip.

Just like that, the fragrance wafted up my nose and drifted apart.

Kate: ...It’s really good.

(How long has it been since I relaxed like this...)

Gradually, the feeling of caution I initially had seemed to loosen before I knew it.

Alfons: I am glad to hear. But there is one more possible but interesting change this tea can produce. Would you care to see it, by any chance?

Kate: An interesting change...?

With a few drops of whatever was in the small bottle he used, this time the blue mallow tea changed into a light pink color.

Kate: Oh my gosh... it’s so pretty...! It’s just like actual magic...!

The change was so vivid and beautiful, I felt in high spirits, as though I were a child again.

Alfons: Hehe.

Hearing stifled laughter, I looked at him to find him looking at me with a smile playing on his lips.

Alfons: I take it you feel a little more merry now, no?

Kate: Merry...?

K: ...Did you do all of this because I kept avoiding you?

Alfons: Why indeed, for you see, I was hoping to have more opportunities to talk to you.

Kate: ...!

He booped my nose, and my heart skipped a beat in response.

Kate: And you doing these types of things is exactly why I avoided you, so please stop.

Alfons: Now whatever could ‘these types of things’ be referring to is beyond me.

Kate: ...Actually, you know what, forget it.

The memories of the sweet sensations we exchanged as lovers was engraved in my body...

(So every time he touches me, my heart twinges...)

The suggestive traces of that troublesome illusion just would not disappear.

(But then he goes and touches me anyway, even though he probably knows... and it really is wretched.)

Alfons sat on the table as he drank his own cup of tea, and I gave him a fleeting look.

Kate: ...You do know it’s bad manners to sit on the table while drinking tea, don’t you?

Alfons: Oh? Did you perhaps expect better of me?

A: Am I to assume that you feel someone who deceived a girl the day after they met, namely myself, is the model of sincerity and manners?

I wanted to hide the turmoil broiling in me, so I tried to change the topic altogether, but Alfons just used my words to make fun of me instead.

[1] Don’t remind me of that night. (+4 / +4)

[2] Sincerity is anywhere but in you.

[3] That’s not very nice.

Kate: Please don’t remind me of that night...

Alfons: Oh please, I implore you to remember it every night.

A: After all, is it not better for your mind to be filled to the brim with pleasure and fun?

A: And I take it you have been conversing with the others, no? In which case, they must have mentioned that I very much fancy pleasurable things.

As though saying he had seen through what I’ve been doing, he flashed me a bright smile.

But——

(Hm? Wait a minute...)

When I looked at that smile as a whole once again, I suddenly remembered a feeling of unease.

(Up until now, I had been so dumbfounded by his words and actions that I hadn’t realized this, but...)

Kate: ...What you said just now... was that all true?

Alfons: Come again?

(Ah... just what am I asking?)

Even I thought it strange.

But, for some reason, I felt I couldn’t ignore this unease that suddenly bubbled from within my heart.

Kate: I don’t know, I mean, just now... you...

K: I felt you weren’t genuinely smiling.

Alfons: ......... [surprised]

Seeming taken aback, Alfons blinked for a moment.

(Ah... but this expression... feels more genuine.)

I leaned forward and stared into his eyes, as though I could reach somewhere further.

But before I could reach that point, it seemed to mysteriously crumble before me...

Alfons: ...Is that the me who you wish to see?

...and painted on his lips was that shady smile I was all too familiar with.

Kate: ...What?

Alfons: Would it be safe to assume you prefer the me who appears to be having fun, when in actuality I am but an empty shell of myself, who is not having fun at all?

A: Hmm... so I see.

Kate: Since when were we talking about my preferences?

K: Can you not dodge my ques...

My words were cut off by his lips falling on mine.

Kate: ...!!

Alfons: ...Hehe.

A: Like this, I do implore you to keep your mind filled to the brim with thoughts of me.

When his lips parted from mine with a small sound, I could only stare dazedly back.

With a charming smile, he left the kitchen just like that.

(Ugh, he’s the absolute worst! Bloody wicked! Lowest of the low!)

I wiped my lips from having just been kissed before downing the rest of the now-lukewarm blue mallow tea in one go.

(The whole ‘I very much fancy pleasurable things’... and that smile...)

(I do really feel like he did dodge the question about whether those were genuine or not.)

Kate: Forget it, I couldn’t care less anymore...

All I wanted at this point was to not be toyed around by Alfons anymore.

——But perhaps because I wished for this...

(...He’s not here today either...)

Alfons, who had — much to my chagrin — kept me company, suddenly disappeared off the face of the castle, and then several days had passed.

(It’s not as though I’m particularly worried about him or anything...)

Kate: ...Have any of you seen Alfons at any point these last few days?

Roger: Ahh, well this isn’t anything new.

Elbert: I believe he is somewhere in London... probably.

Hearing those uncertain words made me suck in a breath, and I remembered something Alfons had said before.

(I believe he said that he considered himself “something like Lord Elbert’s attendant”...)

...not that I knew what he was implying when he said ‘attendant.’

But if that meant something like a butler, then I could get past him being proficient at brewing tea.

Kate: I was under the impression that he was your attendant, Lord Elbert, so is it really alright to let him do as he wants like this?

His blue eyes slightly wavered, much like a sea being blown by the wind.

Elbert: I would not say ‘attendant,’ per se...

E: Al is more like a childhood friend with whom I spent time with since we were young... perhaps.

Kate: Oh, is that so?

Lord Elbert was an earl.

(And although I am not an expert when it comes to titles of nobility...)

(...he might have used the term ‘attendant’ because of Lord Elbert’s high social standing.)

Or maybe he has been with him like family or something along those lines?

Lord Elbert bore the Curse of the ‘Greedy Queen,’ and I came to know during my time getting to know the members that he was searching for beautiful things.

That, and Alfons was allegedly helping with that.

Lord Elbert always seemed to don a melancholy air about him, while Alfons seemed to have a perpetual smile plastered on his lips.

(These two are so opposite of one another that them being able to get along is a wonder.)

Elbert: So that is why... I hold no control over Al’s actions.

E: ...My apologies.

Kate: Oh, don’t worry about it! It’s fine, really. If he is not taking me along then I assume he’s not out on a mission right now.

K: But... about this ‘not being anything new’... does that mean you have some inkling as to where he is?

Roger: If I had to guess, probably either a pub, a social club, or some street corner.

Kate: Huh...?

Roger: His playmates could be women or men. Or something else entirely. ...What, you’re interested in that, lil lady?

Kate: N-not at all!

(It’s not as though I’m particularly worried or anything.)

But, I do find myself thinking.

(I wonder if Alfons shows a genuine smile in places like those...)

(Because if that’s the case, I wonder what it looks like——)

(...N-not that I’m really interested to know...)

Trying to calm my feelings, which wavered back and forth like a pendulum, I slapped my own cheeks a couple times.

Elbert: ...Are you alright, Kate?

Roger: You’re probably feeling a lot of things right about now, aren’t you? I’ll cut you a break.

Just like that, several days later, after being absent with not so much as a single word——

Alfons: It has been a long minute since we last saw each other, Miss Kate. How have you been faring these past days?

Having been notified by William that there was a mission, Alfons popped up in front of me, as though he hadn’t disappeared completely for some days right before.

to be continued…

It has been a while

What do you think of my strategy of pulling back if pressing you doesn’t work?

If the man who had been meddling you to the brink of annoyance suddenly disappeared just like that, I imagine you would think to yourself, ‘What happened to him?’ and your mind would become even more filled with thoughts of me, no?

Ahh, but by no means am I writing this letter as a means to shame you. Just that you seem to feel the tactics between men and women are a foreign concept, and you seem almost laughably inept at forgetting the partners with whom you spend a single night with, so worrying is but the natural thing you would do. I wanted to say these words to you, and that is ultimately what drove me to pen this letter.

By the way, word is that I have extremely bad handwriting... were you able to read through it?

Just imagining your face realizing that you struggled to read through this letter only to find out the contents are as nonsensical as my handwriting, brings me much amusement.

Well then, until next time.

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masterlist🪞 ╱ ko-fi ☕️

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ tags🏷️ ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ @drachonia @.comment or dm to be added or removed!

[maesfics]

𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 '𝑒𝑚 . . . ᥫ᭡

OUTER BANKS.

↬ jj maybank. from the nextflix series "Outer Banks," is a charismatic and impulsive troublemaker with a heart of gold.

↬ rafe cameron. from netflix series "Outer Banks," is a troubled and unpredictable rich kid grappling with deep-seated issues and a desire for approval.

SEVENTEEN.

↬ boo seungkwan. better known as Seungkwan from the K-pop group SEVENTEEN, is celebrated for his powerful vocals and dynamic stage presence. His quick wit and humor make him a standout personality both on and off stage.

↬ lee seokmin. better known as DK from the K-pop group SEVENTEEN, is a talented singer with a bright personality and a heartwarming smile.

↬ hong jisoo. better known as Joshua from the K-pop group SEVENTEEN, is a gentle and soft-spoken singer with a serene presence and a knack for songwriting.

↬ kim mingyu. from the K-pop group SEVENTEEN is a charismatic and visually striking member, known for his model-like appearance and easygoing, friendly demeanor.

↬ choi seungcheol. better known as s.scoups, the leader of K-pop group SEVENTEEN, is known for his strong leadership, deep voice, and caring nature, often acting as a supportive pillar for the group.

↬ yoon jeonghan. from the K-pop group SEVENTEEN is known for his angelic visuals, playful personality, and soothing vocals that add a unique charm to the group's dynamic.

↬ xu minghao. known as the8 in the K-pop group SEVENTEEN, brings a unique blend of martial arts-inspired dance moves and a soft, ethereal vocal style. His artistic sensibilities and fashion-forward image add a distinct flavor to the group's performances

THE LAST OF US (VIDEO GAME).

↬ abby anderson. from the video game "The Last of Us Part II," is a fiercely determined and physically strong character, driven by a deep sense of loyalty and a quest for revenge.

↬ dina woodward. from the video game "The Last of Us Part II," is a brave and compassionate survivor, known for her witty sense of humor and supportive nature.

↬ ellie williams. from the video game "The Last of Us I & II," is a resilient and complex character, marked by her toughness and emotional depth in a post-apocalyptic world.

ALL OF US ARE DEAD.

↬ lee su-hyeok. from "All of Us Are Dead," is a resourceful and athletic high school student, known for his bravery and quick thinking during the zombie crisis.

↬ choi nam-ra. a character from "All of Us Are Dead," is depicted as a mysterious and intelligent student, who harbors a secret strength amidst the chaos of a zombie outbreak.

↬ lee cheong-san. from the series "All of Us Are Dead," is portrayed as a brave and selfless high school student, who emerges as a protective figure during a zombie apocalypse.

XO KITTY.

↬ minho. from the series "XO, Kitty," is a charming and thoughtful character, known for his kind heart and the sweet, supportive role he plays in the story.

TRUE BEAUTY.

↬ lee suho. from the series "True Beauty," is a handsome and aloof high school student who harbors deep emotional scars beneath his perfect exterior.

↬ han seojun. from "True Beauty," is a charismatic and tough-looking character with a warm heart and a hidden passion for music.

masterlist will be updated frequently.

[totheblood]

the hard way. [part viii.]

PAIRING: rockstar!ellie williams x ex-gf!reader

SUMMARY: you and ellie broke things off years ago, everyone knew this. what they didn't know was why. when a mysterious anonymous account pops up, seeming to know what happened, you and ellie are forced into talking again to find out who it is. problem is she's a rockstar and on tour, you may just have to figure it out over text.

WARNINGS:  cursing, mentions of drinking/drugs, mentions of s*x

A/N: from ellie's perspective... some big reveals... hopefully this can help people out with their theories.. sorry im stressing you out i love u all so bad. reblogs, likes, asks, replies are greatly appreciated and encouraged!

masterlist

[part vii.] ⟿ [part ix.]