#ellie has a severe case of survivors guilt

[hallwyeoo]

🚨SPOILERS FOR END OF TLOU1 & TLOU2🚨

“Joels decision at the end of tlou1 was justified. His death was completely uncalled for” WROOOOOOOOOOOOONG. Incorrect! Joel’s decision is UNDERSTANDABLE, not justified. There’s a significant difference between the two. Joel also knew when he saved Ellie that he was signing his death warrant. He was fine with it because it meant he got more time with her, and because she’d be alive. Joel is a very flawed person, and while no one deserves to die (especially not in the way he did) it wasn’t uncalled for. It was a necessary narrative decision! I cannot see a way tlou2 could’ve existed with Joel alive.

[dolche-tejada]

Since the show put this eternal debate about the validity of Joel's decision back on track, I wanted to talk about it and explain why Joel was right. Note that I'm not talking about Joel's reasons so don't tell me "yes, but Joel wasn't thinking about that so...", that's not the issue. The issue is his decision in itself.

Btw, I specify here that I talk about the show but considering its fidelity to the games, my arguments also work concerning them.

So... let's take a look at Ellie. Firstly, she was unconscious at the time. There's just no way to justify that. Marlene or the fans who defend the Fireflies can speculate all they want about what Ellie would have wanted, the truth is that we fucking don't know. We know for sure that she wanted to help produce a cure, but at the time, no one knew that this would require opening her head and killing her.

If Marlene was so sure of what she's claiming here, she would have woken up Ellie to give her the choice. But she didn't because she knows it's bullshit she's saying to convince both Joel and herself.

I'm sure I'll be objected that in TLOU 2, Ellie blamed Joel for preventing her from dying on the operating table and that given the fidelity of the series to the games, this will surely be the case in the next season. Yeah but that's irrelevant too, it's not the same Ellie. In a few years, especially during adolescence, we change a lot.

Then, since we're talking about Ellie's consent, I would like to remind you that regardless of whether she was conscious or not, she's a 14 year old girl. I have the impression that too many people tend to forget that, no one at that age can make the decision to sacrifice their life with full knowledge of what they're giving up and with the maturity to think about it properly. Especially when the 14 year old girl in question is victim of survivor's guilt after having seen several of her close ones die.

For those who have trouble visualizing what I'm saying, I'll make an analogy : If an adult slept with a 14 year old and the latter justified herself to you by saying that she was consenting and that it was her choice, would you find this relevant ? Of course not, because almost everyone knows that there are decisions that children/teenagers can't consent to !

Now that was just about Ellie, but what about the cure ? Because in spite of all the utilitarian debates about whether or not Ellie needs to be killed for the greater good, we're forgetting one essential point : What proves that the Fireflies could have made a cure ? Because whether it's in the games or in the show, there's no real evidence of that. Even the Fireflies don't know anything about it, Marlene and the others directly assume that they will be able to create a vaccine from Ellie's Cordyceps even though they barely had time to do some tests on her while she was unconscious.

Hey you know what ? Even Marlene implicitly admits that they don't know about it : "Our doctor… he thinks that the Cordyceps in Ellie has grown with her since birth (…) He thinks it could be a cure, Joel."

They literally had no plan or certainties, they didn't even take the time to conduct any in-depth study of Ellie, of her blood for example to find a way to produce a vaccine without killing her. They just chose the easiest solution out of impulsivity without worrying for a single minute about the opinion and safety of the concerned one.

Whether it was for the greater good or not, all of Marlene's justifications are based on biased assumptions and intellectual dishonesty. Joel hurt many people and was wrong about a lot of things but certainly not about stopping reckless morons from butchering his 14 year old daughter.

[farharbour]

it's not as detailed as i would have liked it to be but hi, here's jesse's first real reference in *checks notes* 5 years. deepest apologies for my small handwriting, it's incurable. everything is legible at full-size though so please click thru for optimal viewing :)

i've put a deep-dive into some of his personality & lore below, it's an abridged cut but it's still pretty long unforch. i just love him and can't shut up about anything ever in general. anyway:

name: jesse diresta nickname(s): jess, blue age: 30 at game start (b. 12/22/2046) star signs: cap sun (cusp) + pisces moon + virgo rising gender: trans guy (he/him) sexuality: bi / polyam race/ethnicity: white (italian) hair colour: dark brown eye colour: hazel affiliation: railroad (until post-game) occupation: doctor, researcher love interest: nick valentine other close friends: deacon, bec, curie, ellie, piper

SPECIAL: 4 6 3 4 8 2 1 (game start) / 5 8 5 6 10 4 2 (post-game) best skills: medicine, science, sneak worst skills: melee, repair, lockpick interesting perks: night owl, aqua boy, rad resistant combat style: stealth sniper (in-game i never use VATS, i think luck- and crit-based sniper builds are boring) favourite weapon: sniper rifle that chambers custom tranq darts other weapons: .308 sniper rifle, radium rifle, 10mm pistol, combat knife (just in case, he avoids close-combat at all costs)

hobbies: cooking, reading, engaging in intellectually stimulating conversation, running experiments in his "garage" at home plate, transcribing found holotapes (he's an information hoarder) favourite nuka cola flavor: nuka cherry favourite expletive: fuck most feared wasteland creature: feral ghouls most missed aspects of the pre-war world: hosting small dinner parties with teressa, swimming without having to worry about rads most cherished possession: his pre-war lab coat theme song: anthem (father john misty)

personality summary: an idealist, someone who thinks in terms of potential and seeks to help as many people as he can. has great ideas and the practical, patient nature to turn them into something real. has strong sense of integrity while still being open-minded enough to change his positions if need be. he comes off as warm, composed, and a little awkward. not great at expressing his feelings but he’s deeply emotional and sensitive at heart and someone people feel they can confide in. easy to be around and generally well-liked. a great teacher, he sees the potential for good in everyone and enjoys collaborating with and learning from others. deeply loyal to those he cares about and seeks to provide stability for those around him. quick to trust and quick to forgive, to a fault. a collected tactician but does not do well in time-sensitive situations due to his proclivity for procrastination and his tendency to freeze when under stress. severely preoccupied by death; this fear dictates a large part of his moral compass and seeps into everything he does. struggles with survivor's guilt and can be a bit overprotective of those he's close to.

morals: staunch pacifist. does not like killing unless it’s absolutely necessary and he sometimes goes to extremes because of it; he’d rather take the long way or wait until nightfall to go somewhere rather than risk getting into an altercation. even in saying that, he can live with a little blood on his hands if it means he won’t be drowning in a river of it later (he’s okay killing a few people to save the lives of hundreds). holds loyalty and honesty in high regard both in himself and in others. dedicated to his profession, even if he's more a lab researcher than front-facing doctor. strives to help others and prioritizes treatment over all else; he can't give his services for free all the time but he does meet people where they're at and will treat those who can't afford it at a reduced (or no) cost (a "pay what you can" thing).

jesse was born and raised in marquette, MI. his father was a hardass ex-marine drill instructor and growing up he spent a lot of time learning survival training from him. he was especially close with his older brother noah, his mother, and his maternal grandmother. jesse and his parents moved to the east coast when noah left home to join the army at 18 (jess was 10 at the time). his father re-enlisted and their relationship became heavily strained for multiple reasons. he graduated high school at the top of his class and was offered a large scholarship to CIT, which he took. his brother died during the initial invasion of anchorage in 2066, and his father died a few months later during another resurgence of the new plague. both of their deaths affected him deeply.

jesse was accepted into CIT's graduate program in the fall of 2070. he studied nuclear medicine (radiology) w/ a focus on epidemiology. he was dead-set on finding a cure for the new plague. he met teressa while still in grad school (she was in law school) and the pair quickly became inseparable. they married and moved to sanctuary hills in 2073. neither of them wanted kids initially but later changed their minds, and when shaun was born in 2076 jesse finally gave in to his paranoia and registered his family with the local vault. we all know what happens next, end of the world, dead wife man pain, all that.

he sided with the minutemen during the initial events of the game but decided around the time he met virgil that the railroad were probably his best option to help him wrt the institute. he stayed on board with them and worked as a "heavy" despite taking after deacon and preferring the stealth approach. he worked undercover in the institute until things started escalating (ticonderoga was wiped by the institute & the brotherhood infiltrated railroad hq). dez pretty much forced him from there to take part in the destruction of the prydwen; he reacted pretty badly to the whole thing and would have up and left them then and there, but he still needed their help.

to be honest i'm still not sure of the specifics from here but jesse is adamant that he can broker peace between the railroad and the institute once he becomes the director but dez doesn't believe that it will work (rightfully so honestly, it's wishful thinking but jess is ever the idealist and is almost certain he can do it (he really couldn't have tho which is the tragic bit)). she also doesn't really trust he has the same ideals as she does anymore after how he acted during the brotherhood incident. ultimately she goes behind his back and infiltrates the institute without him (via the underground pipes) and her and her agents, alongside the synths jess had been rallying while undercover, take out the institute themselves. i feel like he's probably in the institute when that happens but idrk yet. either way he's extremely distraught and in the aftermath drops contact with them entirely, save deacon, who stayed behind.

post-game he takes up shop in diamond city as their new resident doctor with curie as his assistant (not sure if she gets her synth body or not, leaning towards no). he makes a real home out of home plate and that's where he and nick get to live out some sappy domestic married life together and it's cute ok. it's cute.

that's it thanks for coming to my oc ted talk if you read all of this thank you feel free to ask any questions about him or don't whatever you feel like ok love you mwah 🫂💞

[brightbeautifulthings]

None Shall Sleep by Ellie Marney

"There are no limits, he sees now. There are no monsters. Only people."

Year Read: 2022

Rating: 3/5

About: It's 1982, and Emma Lewis and Travis Bell have just been recruited by the FBI to interview incarcerated serial killers who began their crimes as teenagers. Being eighteen themselves gives them a unique insight into the age group, but those aren't their only qualifications. Travis's father was killed by the famous serial murderer, Simon Gutmunsson, and Emma is the only survivor of serial killer Daniel Huxton. When the team is asked for insight on an active case--a serial killer who only hunts teenagers--Emma dubiously seeks advice from Simon himself. But Simon gives nothing away for free, and having his interest could be deadly. Trigger warnings: character death (on-page), parent death, torture, stabbing, disembowelment, blood/gore, abduction, threats, PTSD, anxiety, trauma, grief, guilt/survivor's guilt, manipulation.

Thoughts: Can you tell I've been feeling thrillers lately? I'm torn on writing my review because I really wanted to like this book more. It's basically the YA version of The Silence of the Lambs, and while I've read several versions of that story, this one probably comes closest in spirit. It has the bones of everything I look for in a YA thriller, including sympathetic characters, clever psychology, and a chilling serial killer. It just never fully grew into its potential for me. I think the biggest issue is the pacing, since there's no reason a thriller needs to be over 300 pages. There's just no sustaining any kind of tension for that long, and I frequently found myself getting bored in the middle.

I like Emma and Travis, and their voices come over authentically, albeit mature, teenager, enough that we trust them to have insights into this case but not necessarily to have all their shit together. Their bond is likened to brothers in combat, and I like that for them. It's quick to form, but the loyalty and trust there are unshakeable (and there's not a hint of romance anywhere, in case that’s not your thing). I really enjoyed Emma's interactions with Simon Gutmunsson. He's properly compelling, both intelligent and unsettling, and the book suffers from not giving him more page-time. Unfortunately, I was way less interested in the serial killer of the active case, and the more we saw of him, the less impressed I was. He's not very frightening, and his motivations are a bit of an eye roller.

To some extent, I get it though. This book is about the survivors, not the killers, and Emma working through some of her trauma is the real focus of the character development. On that level, the novel is quite good, and we get to see her grappling with why she feels compelled to take this case at all and eventually coming to terms with the person she is on this side of her attack. The novel also feels plausible and well-researched, safely contained within the limits of things that could possibly happen. It just never crossed over from something I could appreciate into something I loved.