#either that or third time’s a charm and the DM will actually kill him for real

[parasite-core]

A vargouille is one of the first monsters I ever fought in pathfinder nearly a decade ago. My ranger Vespa shot it through the mouth and it died before it could do any real damage.

The next time I fought a vargouille, it got smashed into a door like an egg.

Tonight my PC got paralyzed straight out of the door against a vargouille and almost died to its transformative kiss.

Oh how the turn tables.

[pomefioredove]

"stop saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you!" with Idia please!

idia the kind of guy to talk tough over dms and then stare at you like 0_0 when you meet up

summary: "stop saying things that make me want to kiss the hell out of you" type of post: short fic characters: idia additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is not specified to be yuu, kissing!??!?!

"stop saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you!!!"

That's how it started.

Just one message on a night where you were both feeling a little too bold for your own good.

"yeah?? I'd like to see you try"

You'd been playing some stupid online game that Idia had been recommended, for much longer than you should've. It was well past two in the morning by now, on a school night no less.

Someone would nag you about it in the morning, but that's a problem for future you.

Current you is hidden under a sea of blankets, trying to hide the light of your phone screen from the room.

"maybe i will, huh???"

You smile at his reply. As if.

The game had been long abandoned, leaving you to your usual banter before you found something else to do together.

But it's almost three, and you're actually starting to get tired.

"im holding u to that. you better not get cold feet tomorrow"

No response. He's probably trying to come up with some witty comeback that'll leave you speechless, as always. But, nothing.

Weird.

You don't see much of him the next day, either. He hasn't been responding to any of your messages, and his status is offline, which is very unlike him. He's almost never not online in some capacity.

You're walking back to your dorm when your phone goes off.

"sending you my location. meet me asap"

Weird, again, weird. Idia being anywhere but his room is strange in and of itself.

Curiosity gets the best of you, and you end up somewhere behind the school, in a shaded grove.

And there's a head of glowing blue hair sitting against one of the trees.

"Idia?" you ask, a little dumbfounded. "What's up?"

He has his hands in his pockets, and a terrified look on his face.

Still, he speaks. "Ready?"

"Ready?" you repeat. "For...?"

You sit down next to him, and he flinches, clearly wanting to scoot away from you but not letting himself.

"Seriously," he sighs, sulking. "And you told me not to get cold feet..."

Then it clicks. Your face lights up, a little amused, a little flustered, but overall, very surprised.

He's going to...

You try to hold back a grin. "Yeah, I'm ready,"

Idia sighs (dramatically), mumbles, "Well, you asked for it," and kisses you on the mouth.

It's... not very good.

Tense would be an understatement, he seems to hold the static kiss for much longer than necessary, as if he's just as afraid of finishing it as he was starting.

After what amounts to a minute of nothing, you pull back.

"Before you say anything-" you say, quickly, noticing the devastated look on his face. "Maybe I should lead. Okay?"

Idia opens his mouth, as if to argue, but the only thing that comes out is a faint, squeaky, "okay".

You move a little closer, cupping his face in your palms, trying to figure out how to lead.

His whole face (and hair) is pink, and he's staring at you like you're about to take a bite out of him instead.

You smile, push his hair out of his face, and kiss him.

It's... a little better. He actually kisses back, and you pull away as soon as you feel him getting nervous again.

"I suck at this," he sighs. "This is so cringe. You should just get it over with and kill me now."

"Have you had enough, then?"

A long silence follows. He stares at you. You stare back.

Idia takes a deep breath, then kinda smiles. "...Third time's a charm, right?"

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #158

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making the best blue dog in Chaldea since Cu Chulainn (And also the guy riding him) Avenger of Shinjuku! (If we really want to avoid spoilers, should we be calling them the Rider of Shinjuku?) As always with these servants, it’s hard to go into detail about who they are without spoiling stuff, so keep that in mind before going further.

Check out their build breakdown below the cut, or their character sheet over here!

Next up: Funny amogus reference!

Hessian Lobo are mostly a Shadow Sorcerer to summon a big scary dog and other magical nonsense we need stuffed into this spirit origin, but they also get a couple levels of Fighter, because the endgame levels of Sorcerer are bad, and you do hit things with a sharp stick from time to time.

Race and Background: You’re a Human, but you’re also a ghost that haunts a stretch of road, killing all you come across, so that makes you a Revenant as well. (I will tell you now, a lot of headaches would be solved if you just went with Halfling Revenant instead, but human’s still the most in-character.) This gives you +1 Strength, +1 Charisma, and +1 Constitution, as well as a Relentless Nature. This means you gain 1 HP each round if you’re bloodied, you can’t die permanently, and you always know the direction of your DM assigned goal. Once that goal is complete, you die instantly. Bit of a downside, but tbh D&D games take forever, you’ll barely notice.

In life you were a Soldier, and while that doesn’t fit the background of both members of your party, the Athletics and Intimidation training will come in handy.

Ability Scores: Make sure your Charisma is as high as possible, you are terrifying, and you know it. Strength is a close second, because heads are notoriously difficult to separate. After that is Constitution, not only are ghosts hard to kill, but you’re also invisible half the time, which makes things even harder Your Wisdom isn’t bad- you can tell where people are when it’s time to take heads, but you still don’t really have eyes. You don’t really get off your horse that much, so your Dexterity is pretty low, but we’re dumping Intelligence. One of you is literally brainless, and the other is an animal. You won’t be solving Sudokus any time soon.

Class Levels:

1. Fighter 1: Starting as a fighter nets you plenty of goodies, including extra HP and weapon proficiencies so you can use a real scythe. You also get proficiency with Strength and Constitution saves, as well as Animal Handling to keep the king of Currumpaw under control and Perception. You can see without eyes, that’s pretty skillful.

You also get a Fighting Style, and if you really want to play D&D without a head the Blind Fighting style is a must, giving you blindsense in a 10′ radius around you.

You also get a Second Wind once per short rest as a bonus action which’ll heal you a bit. I guess that’s your oblivion correction.

2. Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge, letting you take an extra action in a turn once per short rest. I hope you like it, because this is the only way you’ll be able to attack twice per turn for ages.

3. Sorcerer 1: While I wouldn’t call you a wizard, you do some wacky tricks that you can only really do in D&D with magic. Since these come from your being dead/unethical spirit origin mad science, I’d say a Shadow sorcerer is the closest thing in the rules books.

First level shadow sorcerers get Eyes of the Dark, giving you 120 feet of darkvision, which is really impressive for someone without eyes. You also get the Strength of the Grave, letting you make a Charisma save when you drop to 0 HP once per long rest. If you succeed, you drop to 1 HP instead. This doesn’t work on radiant damage or critical hits, but all that makes you more ghostly, so that’s probably fine.

You also get Spells that you can cast using your Charisma. Friends will help you work with your slobbery partner more easily, while True Strike and Sword Burst add a bit of flair to your weapon attacks. You also get the cantrip Mind Sliver to track down your prey.

For first level spells, Mage Armor will help out with riding around in a suit, and Expeditious Retreat makes you a bit harder to escape from. Both these spells can also be pretty useful for Lobo once he shows up.

4. Sorcerer 2: Second level sorcerers are a Font of Magic, which lets you turn spell slots into Sorcery Points and vice versa. You can only have a number of sorcery points equal to your sorcerer level at most, and they refill on long rests.

You also learn the Jump spell to help the King of Currumpaw get around the crowded streets of Shinjuku.

5. Sorcerer 3: At third level you get two Metamagic options to alter your spells. Subtle Spell lets you cast magic without somatic or verbal components- very useful when you don’t have a mouth. Twinned Spell will let you cast spells on two targets instead of one, which is great for making both you and your ride invisible.

Enlarge/Reduce might not seem that useful, but trust me you’ll love it in a bit.

6. Sorcerer 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump your Strength up a bit for stronger melee attacks.

The cantrip Message will help you get around that whole “no mouth” thing to talk to your party members, and your first bit of Invisibility will make sneaking up on your target a breeze.

7. Sorcerer 5: Fifth level sorcerers get Magical Guidance, using your sorcery points to re-roll failed ability checks. I’m not saying the Hessian is magically glued to his saddle or anything, but you never see him fall off, do you?

You also get third level spells, like Hold Person, which makes taking peoples’ heads off so much easier.

8. Sorcerer 6: As a sixth level sorcerer, you finally get your Hound of Ill Omen. Using three sorcery points, you can summon a hound as a bonus action, targeting a creature within 120 feet of you. It’s mostly a Dire Wolf, with a few changes:

It’s medium, not large, and a monstrosity, not a beast.

It gets temporary HP equal to half your sorcerer level.

It can move through solid objects as if it was difficult terrain, taking 5 force damage if it ends a turn in something.

The hound automatically knows the location of the target at the start of each turn.

On top of all that, it can only move towards the target, and can only use its action to attack the target. Also, the target gets disadvantage on saves against your spell while within melee range of the hound. The hound disappears after it or the target hits 0 HP, or after 5 minutes.

The big problem here is the size; you’ll either have to use Enlarge/Reduce to ride it, or just Be a Halfling.

Either way, you can also use Haste to double a creature’s movement speed, give them an extra action each turn, and boost their AC and dexterity saves. The creature also has to take a turn to rest after the spell ends, but that’s probably fine.

9. Sorcerer 7: Seventh level sorcerers get fourth level spells, like Dominate Beast. I know I just said Lobo technically isn’t a beast, but it’s the thought that counts.

10. Sorcerer 8: Now that you have a mount, we can get Mounted Combatant, giving you advantage on attacks against creatures smaller than your mount, and they get evasion. You can also force attacks that hit them to you instead. Don’t do that though, you’re a sorcerer, and Lobo can be rebuilt on a bonus action.

You can also Charm Monster this level, which comes with the added benefit of actually working on your wolf.

11. Sorcerer 9: Ninth level sorcerers get fourth level spells, like Greater Invisibility, which lets one target become invisible for the duration regardless of how many heads they take off.

12. Sorcerer 10: Tenth level sorcerers get another Metamagic option, like Extended Spell. A lot of your spells are buffs, and it would be awkward for that invisibility to drop when you’re halfway through a hunt.

You also learn Minor Illusion, because I couldn’t really come up with a sixth cantrip to give you but now you can make your cape look cooler, and Hold Monster. Just ask Sanson, a disappointingly small number of the things you fight are actually human.

13. Sorcerer 11: For your fifth level spell, Tasha’s Otherworldly Guise both makes you scarier and makes you a stronger fighter, making you immune to Fire and Poison damage as well as the poisoned condition. You also get +2 to your AC, gain a flying speed, and you can attack with your weapon twice per action, using your charisma instead of strength, and it counts as magical damage.

14. Sorcerer 12: Speaking of, let’s bump your Charisma up a bit for stronger Strength of the Grave saves and better magic.

15. Sorcerer 13: Lobo is now so fast you can Teleport as an action, moving you and up to eight willing creatures to a destination on your plane of existence. There’s a slight chance for failure that goes up the less familiar you are with the destination, but that’s probably fine.

16. Sorcerer 14: At fourteenth level, shadow sorcerers can Shadow Walk, letting you teleport between areas of dim light or darkness within 120 feet of each other as a bonus action.

17. Sorcerer 15: Your seventh level spell, Dominate Monster, finally lets you put Lobo fully under your control. He might not like it, but he’s only alive for five minutes at a time anyway.

18. Sorcerer 16: Use your last ASI to max out your Charisma for the toughest saves, strongest spells, and strongest attacks while using your Otherworldly Guise.

19. Sorcerer 17: Speaking of strong spells, you can now use your Blade of Disaster to cause disaster for anyone banking on an intact neck. You can create a magical blade that deals two attacks per bonus action, dealing 4d12 force damage on an attack. On a critical hit, the damage is tripled instead of doubled, and it crits on 18s or higher. Also, it can pass through anything, including a Wall of Force.

To make that even scarier, you can cast it as an Empowered Spell, letting you reroll up to five damage dice each attack.

20. Sorcerer 18: Your capstone level gives you an Umbral Form, letting you use a bonus action to become a shadow that can move through physical objects and has resistance on all damage besides force and radiant for a minute. You take 5 force damage if you end a turn inside an object.

This is especially useful given the fact that you have a ride that can only go forward, and already moves through objects itself.

Pros:

Once you lock onto a target, it’s really hard to shake you. With a hasted dire wolf, you can go 100 feet per round, you’ll always take the shortest route possible, and they literally can’t hide from you.

Two levels of fighter on any sort of caster is very useful, thanks to your action surge giving you an even better version of Quickened Casting.

Mounted Combatant is a nice enough feat, but it doesn’t do too much to help out here since a lot of your spells aren’t really attacks. That is until you realize Blade of Disaster makes melee attacks, and Mounted Combatant doesn’t specify it only works on weapon attacks. This means you can make all those attacks with advantage, further increasing your odds of getting enormous crits with each swing.

Cons:

The reason that great combo above doesn’t quite work is simple, though: You need your concentration focused on keeping your mount around at all, since without Enlarge/Reduce you’re stuck with a medium sized wolf. That also means you can’t haste the wolf and ride it. Or turn it invisible. Or even charm it.

The biggest problem here is Flavor. You can either do all the cool things Hessian Lobo does, or you can ride the wolf. These are mutually exclusive, unless you A) are a halfling, B) have a cool DM, or C) just invest in a horse.

Despite being a frontline fighter, all those levels of sorcerer make you incredibly Squishy. With a low AC and low HP, you’ll have a hard time sticking around without your invisibility. Normally this would be made up for thanks to your mount keeping you out of trouble, but your wolf only knows how to run even further into danger.

[popculturebuffet]

Amphibia Weekly Reviews: New Wartwood and Friend or Frobo?

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to another week’s worth of Amphibia reviews! And we got two standout episodes today as Marcy tries to home improvement her way into people’s hearts, and Polly makes friends with a destructive but endearing robot. Find out what I thought about in full under the cut!

New Wartwood: Marcy episode! Wu-hoo! And true to the show’s current status quo, and I do love how it evolves, it’s her first day in Wartwood and she’s pumped. And true to the awkward, probably autistic like yours truly, nerd we’re dealing with.. she does not make a great impression or intergrate herself to the naturally suspcious of outsiders tow. So when questioned by Anne how her day went she gets into how the town’s carefully built on a swamp.. and how the townsfolk hate her, complete with Angry Mob. Anne disperses it but it’s still the funniest moment of the episode to me, both in how a small one sprouted up so quick.. and how polly’s there despite LIKING Marcy (”I go where the mob goes anne!”). ALso i’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Anne just.. casually blushing while talking to Marcy. There’s no catalyist or any reason she would for any other reason than being sweet on her. 

So Marcy, after fixing a statue she knocked over, decides she can earn their love faster as she dosen’t want to wait.  This does get to one of Marcy’s core issues.. while she has many, like any of us, it ties back to the fact she has trouble getting this isn’t a video game. I mean she does get the diffrence between real life and a game on an objective level, but she can’t get real life dosen’t WORK like fiction, something i’ve also struggled with and can massively relate to. So she assumes helping them, via fixing up the town a bit, will make them like her. It makes them warm up a little but they still don’t. 

So naturally, who should come in by blimp to give her a tempting offer that will end badly but Mayor Toadstool! He also has a blimp now but it keeps escaping... I think I know where it went. 

So THAT’S how he can afford those things. Naturally seeing how nice Marcy made things he has a plan to exploit the hell out of her gifts with masonry to pretty up the town as a tourist attraction to make him more money. Anne talks her out of it.. but she ends up caving in the middle of the night. I also love the touch of her staying in the Fwagon, not forgetting the plantars bought it and finding a practical use for it in and out of story now i’ts no longer needed. I also love the little signs she has on it. 

The next morning the town awakes to marble pillars in front of all of the shops to make them look fancy and Marcy and the Mayor promoting the town’s new effort,s including a golden founderss tatue and a horrifying golden clock of toadstool, with Anne warry of her girlfriend’s antics. Mostly becaue you can’t force people to like you or bribe them to. Otherwise you cause the entire town to sink into the water bellow... like now. But while Marcy is now convinced the town will never accept her she still dosen’t want them all to die, and summons Joe Sparrow.. who continues to be the best thing ever added to this cast I swear to god as he helps her save the day, removing the various new things to reduce weight, saving some villiagers from a pillar (as Croaker points out their frogs ending up in the water isn’t that deadly), and getting rid of the gold monstrosities. 

So the end result is that the town is rightfully liviid, though she does genuinely appologize.. and suprisingly.. TOADSTOOL actually tries to take all the blame. The town rightfully dosen’t let him, but it’s clear he’s somehow growing as a person. Even if anne’s assement of him as “What would happen if the Monopoly Man had a Baby with a PIece of Fried Chicken” is still 100% accurate. They do agree they’ll like her with time, just like Anne, and if supscious, will gladly give her another shot. So Marcy’s learned her lesson.. always listen to your girlfriend. And while she literally fixes her damage.. the mascot toadstool hired explodes as it’s full of bugs. 

Final Thoughts on New Wartwood: This was a fun episode. A fairly simple and predictable one, but sometimes that works perfectly and this one was just damn funny, charming and full of good character stuff. Top notch. 

Friend or Frobo?:

I have a confession to make: I fricking love robots. It’s something that really HASN’T come up before, but I love a good robot. There’s just tons of good stories to be had with artifical beings, their struggles to be recongized for who they are, their cool powers, their awkward but endearing attempts to fit in with us less than deserving humans. And ficton’s had TONS and TONS of awesome ones: The Vision (in both 616 and MCU flavors), who is one of my faviorite heroes period, Red Tornado, Jenny Wakeman, Shard the Metal Sonic, BOYD, Aya, Data, Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy, Growler, Robo, Grimlock. the list really DOES go on into infinity for me. 

WEirdly though I didn’t pay much mind to Frobo before this episode.. but with no real personality other than endearlingly running into the same obstacle for hours, and no real background yet, I didn’t really have anything to attach to other than “Cool anne’s either going to nearly get killed by a robot or get one”. But this episode changed that using the oldest trick in the book: having a child befriend it. We’ve seen it before with Sentinels, Badniks, Autobots and Iron Giants. Now we get it again with largeish frog robot. And it is pretty damn good. 

This is a Polly episode. It’s Hop Pop’s faviorite day: Seed Store Day! Naturally Marcy has come along and naturlaly she’s just as geeked out about seeds as he is because she’s precious and I must protect her from the horrible trauma her trusted father figure is about to inflict on her. Polly naturally wants to get into some shenanigans but suprisingly.. Anne and Sprig don’t wanna anymore. THey’ve learned their lesson and decide to just play video games. So polly does the resonable thing.. and blames them for some shenanigans on her part and goes out to get into more shneanigans only to find it’s lonely without a friend. 

Enter Frobo, named that because he looks like a frog and she heard the term robo from anne’s game. And despite very limited programming... Frobo is VERY loveable. As Polly notes he’s essentially a baby: he starts by mimicing her, including his horrifying but endearing laugh, and even doing her spin dash she gained a few episodes back I didn’t mention because I forgot. That one’s on me. Sprig also did the Yooka Laylee thing on top of her spin dash then so there’s that. 

Point is it’s all fun, games and heartwarming bonding till Frobo accidently floods the city and gets mobbed and one of the mobbs makes the terrible mistake of accidently kicking polly. 

He goes into Red Eye Iron Giant HOmage mode and starts fighting everybody.. including Anne and Sprig who show up to contain things, but eventually Polly wins everyone over with a heartwarming speech as she stops him, pointing out it was her fault and while he is weird, he’s just an innocent> The town.. decides why not. As the mayor points out “We already have two freaks what’s a third”. And given Marcy nearly killed them all yesterday and they begrudginly acepted her and anne did it WAY more than once and they see her as one of them, yeah they give up. 

Naturally once they get back Marcy is an easy sell. Now she can do chrono trigger cosplay! Hop Pop is a bit till it’s shown that frobo can farm super fast, and he’s part of the family now. Sprig and Anne shrug off him having come from the factory, and this surely won’t backfire on them surely. 

Final Thoughts on Friend or Frobo:

This one was excellent. The idea of Polly having to learn repsonsiblity was a nice idea, and Frobo is as I said endearing: he’s simply an innocent being who knows nothing and is slowly learning and his friendship with polly is really fucking cute. And giving him an emotional attachment to the plantars means whatevers going on with him gets higher stakes.. and given how robots are treated in fiction i’m just counting the minutes till he tragically gets blowed up real good. But until then this episode was a standout for the season. While as I made clear the “Kid befriends death machine” trope is not NEW, the baby concept made it feel fresh. It also as usual had some good jokes. 

So all in all a top notch week, really great stuff and i’ts only going to get better next time!

Nexttime: Mayor Toadstool is tempted to leave. Kay. But more importantly MADDIE EPISODE AGAIN BITCHES. AND IT HAS MARCY IT. I’M READY. 

Next On This Blog: Final Space Yo! Quinn and Gary visit earth and Tribore leaves.. again. Be here or be... elsewhere I guess

If you liked this review, follow for more, join my patreon, and comission your own review if you want via my askbox, discord and dms. See you at the next rainbow. 

[onslaughtsixdotcom]

Scaling Up Dragon Heist

Around April or May of 2019, I started to run Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, one of the official WotC 5e hardcovers. I’m still not done with it, although that is largely the fault of COVID and my own extensions to the campaign. 

I think Dragon Heist is one of the better 5e modules by WotC. I think it’s got a strong playground for the characters, and Waterdeep has 30+ years of publication history to draw on. The release of the module also heralded in a HUGE amount of third party extension content, including the famous Alexandrian Remix. I hadn’t heard of this before I started running my campaign and having ideas about how to do it, so it didn’t influence me--although I’m sure we came to a lot of similar conclusions and ideas, based on common perceptions of what the actual flaws are of the module.

Still, despite those flaws, I think they help the module rather than hinder it. It gives the DM a shitload of room to improvise and draw in the margins, rather than some other 5e adventures which feel like they can’t be fucked with in the least.

Here’s the kicker: I started my adventure at level 4. We had a pre-existing party that I had run through the classic N1: Against the Cult of the Reptile God. (Fun fact: A map that I drew is the 3rd Google Images result for that. Woah.)

The party spent a few real-world weeks traveling across about 7 days of overland travel where I ran some drop in one shots; including Mike Krahulik’s Dusk (a Twilight parody) and a really fun 2 hour diversion where the players saw an ancient blue dragon take off the roof of a church during a wedding. Then they arrived in my city: Dawnharbour.

I don’t run the Forgotten Realms. I find it not to my taste. Most of the names suck. The lore is invariably boring or weird, and not the fun kind of weird. I was going to run Dragon Heist, and I was going to put it in my own city. I gave the players some justification previously for why they would want to go there: The cleric’s sister had been kidnapped by the Cult of the Reptile God and turned into a Yuanti; a snake person. The bard had stolen a golden statue of the Reptile God and wanted to melt it down and plate his violin with it. I told the cleric that they would need a high level magic user and someone in Dawnharbour could probably help them; ditto the bard needing a highly skilled magical blacksmith. The third player didn’t really care where they went since he was on the run from his home country. So, off to Dawnharbour. They reached level 4 when they got to the city.

I won’t bore you with the rest of the details of my city or everything I changed for the campaign. Instead, I’ll talk up some hard and fast ways to make the adventure work for a higher level party. Most of them revolve around the encounters. I’m assuming the party will start around level 4 or 5.

Chapter 1

The book opens with the players in the Yawning Portal, a famous tavern with a big ass well to a megadungeon underneath. (More on this later.) They’re hanging out doing whatever when a troll and some stirges pop out of the well. The book says that the players get attacked by the stirges while the owner of the bar, a typical Forgotten Realms 15th level Fighter running a fucking bar for a living deals with the troll.

A troll is CR 5. They can handle a troll. If they can’t, you have a bigger problem.

Next up the book leads them to a Zhentarim warehouse. When they get there it’s abandoned and there are (ugh) 3 Kenku. Kenku are like tengu if they sucked. They’re bird people who can only speak in mimickry, like parrots. They can only repeat words they’ve heard before. This is stupid as fuck (especially when a player wants to be one) but more importantly, they are incredibly weak. I think the kenku are just hanging out or they got captured by the Zhentarim who left them there after they bail or something like that. Whatever.

I put the Zhentarim there instead. I put like 20 Zhentarim. I used the Spy statblock; they don’t have a lot of CR and at level 4 or 5, the players are real slice and dicey about killing them. They can basically carve through two of these dudes in a turn. It was *really* fun to just have the players mow down these mooks. They used the 2nd floor to their advantage, casting Grease on the stairs and creating a bottleneck and then picking them off with ranged attacks and spells. I think I might have given the Zhents 1hp and treated them as minions (see 4e). 

I think I had the police show up after they were all dead; someone heard the commotion and called the cops. I think I also put an NPC there; I shuffled around a bunch of the NPCs the module uses. (They got their quest to save Volo from Bigby in the Yawning Portal; instead of finding Volo here, I think they found my equivalent of Renaer Neverremember.) There was a day’s break between this and them going into the sewers in the next part.

The sewer introduces the Xanathar’s minions. I believe a Duergar is actually there and I took this as a sign--I made most of Xanathar’s mooks Duergar, and then decided--this dude is a Beholder and he has a Mindflayer for a lieutenant. The Xanathar’s forces should ALL be classic D&D dungeon monsters, like rust monsters and umber hulks and ropers. This gives you a wide variety of weird shit you can throw at your players at different CR levels, and the idea of a gangster Beholder who thinks hiring a bunch of umber hulks to go shake down a local deli is fucking hilarious. But, it doesn’t make them any less dangerous. Throw some umber hulks or something in this lair. Go nuts--the weirder, the better. Xanathar’s crew should have no qualm about hanging out with a gibbering mouther or a carrion crawler.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is the least developed chapter in the book. It also revolved around a bunch of Forgotten Realms faction nonsense that I wanted nothing to do with. I used this time instead to formally introduce the Xanathar, the Cassalanters and Jarlaxle. After they foiled his plans to rig a goldfish competition (think a dog show but for fish), the Xanathar became convinced the players worked for the Zhentarim and invited them to have a sit down about their intentions; if they worked for the Zhents he wanted to formally declare war. The players hated the Zhents--they killed an NPC they liked back during N1, partially to set this all up. Xanny was cool with that.

The Cassalanters were a way to introduce a new player. They call up the Blackstaff to say, hey we have a magic item, can you send a guy here to deliver it? (Magic item possession is illegal on the streets in my setting, but if someone important hires you to transport it, then you can do it. This makes being a courier a very lucrative job; lots of people are just carrying around other people’s stuff for a living.) They almost immediately knock out the new player sent to pick up the item, and replace him with their dofflegagher. The idea was that the dofflegagher player would then infiltrate the Blackstaff’s organization.

Blackstaff is no dumbass and hired a random dude off the street--my new player. Then, Blackstaff hired the rest of the party to go rescue him--mostly as a ruse to snuff out the Cassalanters and get evidence that they were shitty.

When they encountered the Cassalanters, I used a Cambion; one of their servants turned into him. This guy slowly became a recurring lieutenant; he was basically the Goldar for the Cassalanter’s Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa. At the time, I hadn’t read any lore for Cambions; I’m not particularly concerned with monster lore the way the guys who make the game write it. I literally thumbed through my deck of monsters, saw this winged devil horn dude, and said, “Right on, he looks like he’ll work.” A Cambion is CR5, more than suitable for the encounters the party will have with him over the next few levels. The Fiendish Charm ability is fun and can really fuck with the players; I ruled, of course, that anyone under its affect would obviously be free if the Cambion was killed. Even after it was killed, he just kept on coming back, because he’s from Hell and killing him on this plane doesn’t really do anything.

As the players continue to face the Cassalanters, a go-to seems to be spined devils. This is fine but not very powerful for a level 4, 5, 6 party. Therefore I suggest supplanting it with barbed devils. They’re CR5. Adding one or two of those to an encounter with spined devils can make this a real fun encounter that isn’t too horribly overwhelming, especially if at least one of your martial characters has a magic weapon (which they fucking should; they’re level 5!)

IMO you can also introduce Jarlaxle in this chapter; a fun way is through his Zardoz Zord persona. It could simply be that Jarlaxle knows Volo (or any other NPC the players know) and wants to invite them to a free meal to get to know them. In my game, Jarlaxle operates openly as himself (I found it would just complicate things if he was someone else) and invited the players to his yacht shortly after they met the Xanathar, to formally tell them all about the Vault of Dragons, the Stone, and how everyone they have met in the city is after it.

Chapter 3

I am not the biggest fan of this part of the module. I think nimblewrights and similar creatures are really dumb and don’t fit my D&D world. A lot of the stuff in this chapter is investigation stuff, and you can play that out however you like. It doesn’t drastically need scaling up, though you may have to account for something like Zone of Truth that they might not normally have access to. It also helps if you do the opposite of the book, and make the police a bunch of shitheads who don’t care about the city--this way the players are actually motivated to help. I’ve seen a LOT of posts that open with “the fireball happened and my players shrugged and said they would let the police handle it.” Horrible! The police should either be incompetent, apathetic, or (best case) both. They don’t care who did this and if they did, they wouldn’t be able to catch them. Now it’s completely on the players.

IMO it also helps if you do the leg work to make the NPC someone they actually care about. In the book it’s an NPC they’ve never met but they have a mutual acquaintance through--it would be nice if they get invited to a dinner with this NPC or something similar prior to this. Or, change it to be any NPC they like who you don’t mind killing. Hell, they’re level 5 or 6 at this point--if they got a cleric, they can even cast Revivify and wake the dude up. They could even cast Speak With Dead and immediately find out who blew him up or what he was doing here!

Moving on, there’s the Gralland Villa. I retooled the name to actually sound like a good name; sue me. 

The book has a bunch of Zhents hanging out here. A simple way to make this dramatic and hard is to pull the trigger and make the players fight their way in. The stone is right here at the villa and they need to steal it. Sounds simple enough.

Things got complicated for my party when a recurring NPC appeared. She was an ex girlfriend of the bard in our party; they were both Tieflings. She now worked for the Zhentarim and was basically their second in command. And she was here to steal the stone, come Hell or high water. The bard, still in love with her, was perfectly content to let her steal it and even cover her getaway. The rest of the players, not so much, but when the chaos was ensuing and she was literally running past them with the stone in hand, made the decision that it was smarter to try and help her escape and then figure out how to get the stone from her later, than try and get it from her now.

This led literally directly to chapter 4.

Chapter 4

By now it’s obvious: I used all 4 bad guys.

I ran through the chapter and picked the coolest maps and best encounter ideas, including the rooftop chase, the theater, the sewer and the courthouse. I weaved them together carefully, and all the changes I had made to the groups paid off when they entered the theater, chased by barbed devils and our Cambion friend, only to have an Umber Hulk with the Xanathar’s logo painted on his face crash through the stage, flanked by two Duergar. Add in some Drow gunslingers and it was a fucking party.

(the large hexagon is where somebody cast Darkness; the big scuffed circle is a grody spot on my grid tiles. I still need new ones...)

The courthouse had a great scene where the Cassalanter dofflegagher impersonated the chief of police, interrogating the players for the code word to activate the stone (I added one; who cares?) until the real chief of police showed up! The players had to do an entire encounter with this guy while handcuffed; thank god for verbal only spells, right? 

From here the stone ended up with the players, and then it ended up with Jarlaxle who they are working for. Jarlaxle attuned to it and told them the Vault of Dragons is inside Undermountain; 3, 5 levels deep? Who knows? And it requires 3 keys: The Crown of Asmodeus, the Ring of Winter, and the Robe of the Archmagi.

I gave these 3 magic items to the Cassalanters, the Xanathar and Manshoon. This is a pretty common hack and it means the lairs in the book actually get used. I made up one of the magic items (Crown of Asmodeus) and stole another from a module I don’t intend to run as written (the Ring of Winter is, I believe, in either Tomb of Annihilation or Storm King’s Thunder). They’re fun!

So the rest of the campaign has been the players bouncing between going deep into Undermountain, the megadungeon underneath the Yawning Portal, and going to the 3 different villain factions to steal their shit. 

The villain lairs are NOT statted for level 5 players AT ALL. The players have no hope of actually killing ANY of the villains at level 5; to fight the Xanathar is a pure TPK at level 5. But at level 8, like where my players are now? One of them died and then got Revivified; the others all survived or made their saves when they were hit by death or disintegration. (In the spirit of the Xanathar, I rolled every eye beam randomly, rerolling if I had used that ray in the last round.) That’s about the best you can hope for with a Beholder IMO! 

The rest of the lairs you can mostly run as-is. Any very low CR mooks, basically anything lower than 1 or 2 CR, I would probably replace with a higher CR variant. We’ve already discussed what you can replace them with above, and if you’ve made it this far into the module, you should have a pretty good sense of what your players can handle.

[probablyottrpgideas]

Tabletop Asks

In reference to the previous post: 1.) Game Master, Player or both? Why? 

I am currently lucky enough to be player in one game and DM in another (both 5e D&D), however ordinarily I am overwhelmingly the DM/GM. 

2.) When did you start role playing? How old were you? 

My first start with published tabletop adventures was actually quite late, in my second year of university when I was about 19, so 11 years ago now, with D&D 4e. However, I think my first freeform roleplaying experiences were with a mate of mine all the way back in primary school, where we had this quite extensive worldbuilding and characters. It was my first introduction to the idea that I wanted to be a writer.

3.) What was the first role playing book you ever owned? 

The 4e PHB, DMG and MM all at the same time. I had a job then, missed playing, decided “fuck it, I’ll start my own” and dived in.

4.) Describe the first game you ever ran or played in. 

A 4e Starters Box run on Keep on the Borderlands. I played a Dwarf Fighter out of the box, which I named Xzienne (which some of you know is my regular online handle). He was fun; in my oh-so-extra way, I kept my game notes as In-Character journal entries.

5.) Which system did you grow up with? 

D&D, all the way. Fourth edition and then Fifth, with a look at Third in between. But I’ve played about a dozen or two different systems all up.

6.) Which system do you play now? 

Predominantly 5e

7.) Longest campaign you’ve run or played in? 

My D&D “Empires Intelligence Services” campaign ran from 2016-2020.

8.) Where did you meet your current gaming group? 

I tend to throw my groups together from among various people I know from all over. My favourite group ever was the one formed entirely of cast members from our local theatre company production of Wicked.

9.) Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines? 

Does it need to be either/or? I feel like good drama gets you invested in the character’s outcomes, good combat (or puzzles or traps or whatever) gets you invested in the character’s actions. You want people to achieve their goals with emotional satisfaction but without just narrating to them; they need to feel involved in the process of making those goals come about. Challenges are not just there for the Power Gamers and the Slayers, they make the plotlines feel satisfying for everyone.

10.) Favorite RPG genre?

I love Science Fiction and I love Fantasy, and my own work so often smashes the two together. I write a lot of Contemporary/Urban Fantasy, and my D&D world is a magepunk magitech setting with spacefaring aircraft and so forth.

PLAYER CHARACTERS - Describe:

11.) Your first character. 

Xzienne the Dwarven Fighter, mentioned above. My first character I made though, on the other hand, not including NPCs, was much later. I think it was probably Tetsuo, my Shin-jin from a Dragonball RPG

12.) Your favorite character. 

Definitely Ortlinde. An Aasimar Witch who was the granddaughter of a Valkyrie, and was mad that the gods would be so callous as to bar her mother from Valhalla just because she wasn’t a warrior, and so tried to stage a coup against Asgard. Fuck she was cool.

13.) Your most ridiculous character. 

If not Ortlinde, then possibly Parian, my 13th Age Bard whose “One Unique Thing” (a 13th Age mechanic that I love) was that he could modify his spells on the fly by casting the verbal components as full poems, which I would write and perform in-session. I once got to add a Fear effect to a Thunderwave because I made it sound like the trumpets of judgement day, and I managed to cast Charm Person but with an allied player as the focus of the target’s charm by making the poem about their character.

14.) The best in-character line you’ve ever had. 

Not a lot of what other players have said have stuck with me, really. Possibly my favourite was Alice’s ranger in Castles and Crusades who said a whole lot of buckwild shit until my halfling begged her not to talk. 

Whereupon she shortly thereafter discovered a secret Dryad home inside a tree, and didn’t mention it to the party. When asked why?

“You told me not to talk.”

15.) Your most epic death. 

I haven’t died that often, to be honest. Probably the most memorable death was Parian, who got crushed in a moving wall trap and had to be scooped up in a bag and carried around as “bard soup” until a True Resurrection could be cast.

16.) Your most disappointing death. 

See above.

17.) Something that shouldn’t have worked, but did. 

Meliorn Metcalfe, Tiefling Spellbinder, orchestrating an ambush in a town square against the people who had been sending thugs to attack the party in their beds and stealing shit from the townsfolk. I set up traps (clay pots filled with caltrops and poison), used sunrods to blind the attackers while we had our backs to the light, and we greased the buildings around the area so that they couldn’t climb to safety. It went perfectly, even after they rocked up with a gargoyle.

18.) Something that went hilariously awry. 

Just recently I was playing in a Wildemount game which saw the party running Benny Hill style around an ancient lab from a Wight. In the process I got nearly killed by both flying knives and a very angry carpet.

19.) Your most memorable in-character moment. 

Ortlinde’s speech to Frigg, lambasting the Gods for their mistreatment of mortals. 

20.) The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

The Masque of Clavicus Vile, from the Elder Scrolls games, pulled from Niddhogr’s treasure hoard and buffing my Spell Save DC to 27 (including other stuff like class features for the Witch and another item which synergised with those). 

GAME MASTERS - Describe:

21.) Your favorite NPC and how the party reacted to him/her 

By far Celia Sapienza, Eladrin Kensai, who became the party Mum even though she was younger than a few of them. She’s now the head of the Empires Intelligence Services Northern Branch.

22.) A game you wish you could run or want to run someday. 

I’ve been eyeing off Dread, Skullduggery and Leverage for years, but I also recently got the Dishonoured game which looks sick as, and Blades in the Dark, and...

23.) Something you made up on the spot. 

So so much, but most recently I had a Marid sailor NPC who I had to improvise and entire story of his previous voyages. I did it in a Brian Blessed voice and the players, no shit, fucking applauded. 

24.) Your most successful game. 

The Wild Huntresses, finally figuring out who had killed the town alchemist and facing off against her and her pet Water Elemental in the caves beneath the hills. Such an epic game. God I miss that group.

25.) Your least successful game. 

Paranoia, but that’s just built into the premise.

26.) The craziest thing your players have ever done, and how it affected your plans. 

I had a player walk straight out the front doors of a castle under siege. I hit him with 2 dozen crossbow bolts. That guy was an asshole.

27.) Your favorite setting or game location. 

I massively love the idea of Eberron, and I love the MTG crossover settings like Ravnica and Theros. 

28.) Your creative process when you plan a game. 

Typically write about a page of notes for every 2-10 hours of gameplay, depending on the amount of combat expected. Things like important NPCs and what they want, where the party are expected to go in general terms and some ideas for things to throw at them when they inevitably wander off the path, that sort of thing. If it’s really plot important, though, I’ve been known to write pages and pages of lore and character info to hopefully seed into conversations. I also once wrote a full script that we did as a table read for a big conversation between a bunch of NPCs that the party were there to listen to but not be involved in. 

29.) The best / worst character concept you’ve ever heard. 

No character concept that fits within the rules is ever really bad, although sometimes the execution isn’t great. Some are very, very dumb, like say every character ever built or played by the asshole player I mentioned a few entries back.

30.) What makes GMing fun for you.

Players getting invested in the world and in each other’s stories. Nothing makes me feel better as a GM than being able to sit back while the players have a full in-character conversation with each other.

[soldierswar]

Cascade - Chapter 1

Bucky X Natasha 

Warnings: None really at the moment.

Plot: Natalia Romanova is one of the best in the Red Room. Her along with her best friend Yelena Belova. 

One day, the director of the Red Room sends her on a very important assignment with a very important master assassin. One that most people, even in the most underground organizations don't even know about. 

After she meets him, her life, and how she fits into her current world will change forever.

Note: None of the characters here are actually canon except for Natasha, Bucky, and Yelena in this series. 

(DM me if you want to be tagged in future chapters).

Masterlist

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Again.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” thought Natasha, exchanging a look of fury with her despite the fact that she was one of the highest regarded guest evaluators in all of Russia. Natasha looked back at the guy of whom she had just annihilated in a sparring match once again. If Anya should be picking on anybody, it should have been that loser who was gathering his bearings again. And he was supposed to be one of the best guys at her level. Pathetic. She stared into his eyes as though she were ready to kill him, and he stared back at her in the same manner. The only difference was that he had more bruises on his face. The fact that he had the nerve to look at her that way made her blood boil, even though she knew that he had nothing on her. Not anymore. “Okay, we're done now,” Anya announced abruptly after listening to something in her earpiece. It was strange the sudden change of heart, (on either her end or somebody else’s), but Natasha didn’t question it. She sighed, and swiftly walked her way out of the room not giving either of them a second glance. When she swung the door open, she found Yelena leaning against the wall across from her. 

“They kept you in for a little while, huh sister?”

A little while was an understatement. There were five evaluators in the beginning, and multiple girls and boys training in that room. Eventually, all of the other evaluators were gone except for Anya, and all the rest of the agents were able to leave within the first couple of hours. All except for Natasha and that other boy who’s name she didn’t bother to learn. “I don’t know why, or who she thinks she is to keep me for so long,” Natasha growled. “They had us in for another two hours than the rest for no reason. She knows I’m good. Everybody here knows that I’m good. I should have been the first to be able to leave.” Yelena did her best to try to comfort Natasha, despite the fact that Natasha knew that she was reveling in the fact that indeed she was the first to leave. “Well maybe she wanted to see how you beat him over and over again compared to the others,” Yelena replied. “Maybe your fighting skills changed, and they simply wanted to observe. Natasha rolled her eyes. That was never how things worked in the Red Room. They always let the stronger ones leave first, and pushed the weaker ones for as long as they could for hours upon hours until their bodies could handle the stress no longer. She remembered when she was younger, and weaker when she and three other girls were stuck in there for 9 hours one time. Natasha made sure to make her way to the top just to avoid the humiliation of having to stay that long in those evaluation sessions again. She trained and trained against some of the toughest girls. And as time went on, evaluation sessions grew shorter and shorter as she made her way to the top. At this point, her best friend Yelena was her only match. That face alone made Natasha was confused as to why they didn’t pair the two together on the first round, and let them go as soon as possible. What frustrated her more as that they let Yelena out by the third round instead of her. “Come on, sister,” said Yelena throwing her arm around Natasha to take her over to the mess hall. 

… “So,” Yelena started. “Did you hear the news?” Natasha narrowed her eyes. “Will I have to pull it out of you? Or can I finish my pasta as you tell me?” Yelena raised an eyebrow and shrugged. “Apparently, we have a special guest coming in.” Natasha stared blankly at her. “Wasn’t Anya supposed to be our special guest of the week?” Natasha replied.   Yelena shook her head. Natasha also realized that she had never seen Yelena look as excited as she did right then. She looked like a teenage school girl that had just heard a rumor that her crush was going to ask her on a date any minute.   “Apparently, he’s a super-secret master assassin. He might be training some of us. And even better, they could be preparing to send a couple of us on an assignment or two with him.” Natasha froze and stared at Yelena’s excited expression. She still wasn’t sure whether she should actually care or not. “Do you know who it is?” Natasha inquired, deciding that she was not convinced. “No,” she scowled. “Then how do you know if it’s true?”   She looked side to side to see if anyone could be listening. “Vanya told me that last night after sneaking back in during the late hours, he came across crew bringing someone in. Full security.” “Yelena,” Natasha sighed. She nodded. “If he’s a master assassin, why would he need security?” She shrugged. “Well, that’s all that Vanya told me. Maybe he’s just that important.” Natasha was even less convinced. And she could also tell that Yelena held on to that leaked information because she was hoping to be that special agent. Even if it were true, Natasha couldn’t deny that Yelena would have deserved it. She worked hard, completed her missions without the need for emergency backup most of the time, and all of their instructors and commanding officers did love and fall for her charm. That fact alone was very important to her. She would often lecture Natasha to make herself more pleasant. “Just because you’re one of the best around here, doesn’t mean you can’t act a little nicer,” she would often say. She wasn’t wrong. But as of yet, Natasha had no reason to believe that she would face any sort of consequence for her attitude as long as she maintained, and continued to excel in her level of skill. “I can tell that you don’t believe me,” she huffed, narrowing her eyes. Natasha gave in. “Okay, okay, maybe you’re right,” Natasha groaned sarcastically, but lightheartedly. “Maybe Vanya wasn’t totally full of shit, and you’re going to do whatever project you’ll be asked to do with this evangelical master assassin. Are you happy?” Both Natasha and Yelena giggled. “Well, well, well,” said a voice approaching from behind Natasha. She turned and found one of her least favorite assistant to the director. “Ari,” she greeted dryly. “What a pleasure.” He maintained a neutral facial expression so as to not outwardly acknowledge his annoyance. “Natalia, the head would like to see you in twenty minutes.” She frowned. Both out of curiosity, and the continuation of her mild annoyance. Nobody called her Natalia anymore unless it was for something serious. She hadn’t gone by that name since last year after going on a three-month-long undercover assignment in London where she was instructed to go by the name ‘Natasha’. She insisted on sticking with the name ever since.   She turned to Yelena who seemed equally intrigued. And maybe even a little bit…Disappointed? “Well how about right now?” she suggested.   “Well, you could finish—” “I said,” Natasha interrupted rudely.   “Let’s go now,” Natasha could feel his anger begin to boil with her attitude. It wasn’t necessarily her suggestion at all that frustrated him. It was more her tone that taunted him; and she knew how to get to him every time they spoke. She did it because she knew that he had no real merit to mess with her. The last time he did, his higher ups had a very stern talking to for berating one of their best agents the way he did over something so small. They only felt that way because they knew that she would act out if he kept that up. Therefore, Natasha knew that she had the upper hand over him attitude-wise. So she took whatever opportunity she could to push him right to the edge, but not quite over it. It was her favorite part of their interactions.   “Okay, let’s go.” … “Ah, Natalia, there you are,” said Nikolai, the director of the Red Room. She sat down on the chair placed on the other side of his desk. “Nikolai,” she replied, stern-faced. “To what do I owe this pleasant interaction?”   He straightened his back, and matched her expression, reminding her of her place. She took note, and held back. “You fought hard today,” he stated. She held back a scoff. Actually, she held back more than that. She wanted to know what the hell happened during evaluations. “Was that what Anya told you?” “I was observing from up top,” he replied. “I haven’t actually spoken with Anya yet.” She often forgot that above the training room there were one-sided glass windows to observe all agents. It was easy to forget because nobody could see from inside the room. “So what happened?” she questioned. “Was I not to your liking today or what?” “Oh, the opposite,” he answered. Natasha tilted her head. “We have a special assignment. And we need nothing but the best.” Natasha started to feel a mischievous smile curl at the corner of her lips. “The best?” “Well don’t act like you’re surprised, Natalia. You would tear everybody apart around here just to prove yourself if we thought differently. But we just had to be sure; which was why we kept you for so long.” She shrugged. She really would do anything to stay one of the best. “Even more so than me, he needed to be sure.” “He?” she thought. Who was this figurative he? “Natalia, over the next few days, you are going to learn a lot. Very important things that not everybody here knows about. You will learn about people that many don’t know even exist, or will ever know to exist. Do you understand?” Once again…Yelena was right. Natasha stared deep and wide-eyed into Vanya’s eyes like a starving child. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything. And she wanted to know now.

[solitaria-fantasma]

((Session #9 highlights a day late bc I had technology troubles.))

My everything decided to crash two minutes in and I had to reboot my entire laptop.

We all got distracted with cat pictures and didn't start for another hour and a half.

When we finally DID get started, we leapt right into combat with the final Big Bad of this arc, and I rolled my highest initiative yet. Oh boy.

"I'm beginning to regret my lack of long-range weaponry."

I picked 'Suggestion' as my level up spell last time, and I tried to lure the human enemies closer to the edge of the cliffs they were on so that my party members with actual long-range weapons could shoot them (or so they could trip and fall 50ft).

It worked! But it wasn't as effective as I wanted...all the guy did was step a bit closer to the cliff before shooting at me.

"[Matthias] didn't read the player handbook and doesn't know how to be a rogue!"

The bandit I charmed at the top of the round eventually did slip off the cliff and die. His friend was sad, and now I feel bad.

The cliffs are 50ft high, and my max flying speed is only 40, if I use my whole turn. BUT if I move 40ft in one turn, then I can clear the cliff and still attack on the next turn, right?

"Don't 'oof'! You're the one who charmed him!"

The bandit captain crit-failed while trying to attack Colette, and shattered his scimitar on the rocks instead.

The friend of the bandit who fell off the cliff and died ALSO fell off the cliff, but he did not die. He just sort of lay there, "regretting all of his life choices".

I tried to cast "Cure Wounds" on myself because I was very much in pain, and I nat 1'ed.

My DM may not believe in harsh punishments for nat 1's, but my technology sure does: Discord promptly crashed, and Roll20 kicked me. I had to restart both.

My DM still let me keep the 10 points healed tho, bc a TPK is not her end-goal (for now).

The third bandit on the cliff is now shooting at our rogue to try to avenge his two fallen brethren, both of whom were either tripped/shot by said rogue.

Astrid (one of the DM's party NPCs) shot "Lord Hassan" (I know our DM gave him an actual name but I didn't write it down and now don't know it), CRIT-SUCCEEDED, and the Big Bad crUMPLED OVER THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF, FELL 50FT, AND DIED FROM FALL DAMAGE. WHOOPS.

"Yellow is going to approach Udaji and roll for 'Stab'. That's-....hm. You know what? Udaji chooses not to take damage."

Colette (also one of the DM's party NPCs) blasted the bandit captain off of the same bridge she was thrown off of. We're all assuming he's dead, now.

Matthias crit-failed trying to shoot the same bandit that I'm engaged with, and sHOT MY UDAJI INSTEAD HOW  D A R E-

It will take me three turns to fly across the gorge to the other cliff with the remaining two bandits. I am regretting my choice to build a melee bard.

Astrid crit-failed another shot and hit Matthias, but IC-wise, she's not too upset about it.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? No! Because a summer's day isn't a bITCH!" I killed a man with two points of psychic damage from 60ft up in the air.

"I'm gonna flip-flap my way back down to the ground now. Boop."

Among all the swords and daggers and crossbows, we found a signet ring on "Lord Hassan"’s body.

Mountain and Matthias have no idea what a signet ring is.

We suspect that the ring is a forgery of the actual Lord Hassan's signet ring, but we can't tell for sure.

Also, according to the map, we haven't reached the actual lair yet, so onward we go!

We follow the map through a crack in the rock, and find a MASSIVE treasure pile at the bottom of a hidden pond inside the mountain.

I tried to roll Perception to see if that magical lockbox made for the Rose family is in the pile, but Udaji's Perception is notoriously poor, and the DM had me roll with disadvantage. Neither roll worked.  

"Honestly, both of those rolls are WAY better than what I expected from Udaji."

Colette - being the only one among us who can breathe underwater - jumps in with vigor when we tell her that we get to keep the gold.

All in all, we each received 242 gold pieces, and one magical item (TBD by the DM at a later date, when it's not midnight and we're not all exhausted).

We also found the Rose family lockbox from way back in Session ??!!!

....but we only ever found one of the magical keys to open it.

Bummer.

We suspect that the other key may be kept close to home...another bandit leader, perhaps? Or maybe that creepy advisor guy that we left for dead in the woods a few days ago has it under his mattress... 

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #47 Heracles

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re finishing off the Fate Stay/Night servants and starting on the berserkers with Heracles! This mountain of a man is could have easily been a pure Barbarian, but I went with one level of sorcerer for some extra defenses and mobility.

Check out the build’s summary here, or read the complete breakdown below the cut!

Race and Background

Heracles is half god, so being an Aasimar is pretty obvious. However, your stepmom really doesn’t like you, and that Madness Enhancement took a toll on your noggin, so you’re more of a Fallen Aasimar. You get +1 Strength and +2 Charisma, 60′ of Darkvision, Celestial Resistance to necrotic and radiant damage, Healing Hands to heal a creature by your level (use this on yourself for a healing factor), and the Light Bearer feature, allowing you to cast the Light cantrip with your Charisma. 

Heracles lived a very storied life, but we already know Jason’s going to show up eventuall, so let’s focus on his Argonaut days. Heracles is a Marine, giving him proficiency in Athletics and Survival. The Steady feat lets Heracles move twice as long at a normal pace before making a forced march, and he can always find a safe route to bring a boat to shore, if such a route exists. I’m not sure if they ever mention the argonaut’s exact roles on the boat, but picturing the berserker as the Argo’s navigator is hilarious.

Stats

Your highest stat is Strength: you are the strongest in the world after all. After that is Constitution, you’re very good at not dying, and your health will help with that. You have mad hops, so Dexterity is going to be third. (I know strength is the jumping stat in D&D, but it feels dexterity-ish.) You aren’t that charming, but you are absolutely terrifying, so next is Charisma. After that is Wisdom and Intelligence. You’ll see this is a running theme in berserkers.

Class Levels

1. Barbarian 1: Shocking no one, you’re a barbarian. At first level, you have proficiency in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as Intimidation and Animal Handling. A giant, screaming slab of meat is scary for most people, and a good portion of your labors involved dealing with animals in one way or another. 

Barbarians can Rage, giving them all sorts of strength-based advantages and resistance to basic physical attacks as long as you avoid heavy armor. Speaking of armor, you also get Unarmored Defense at this level, granting you a boosted AC based on your dexterity and constitution.

2. Sorcerer 1: Switching classes for the first and only time, first level sorcerers gain their Sorcerous Origin. You are a Divine Soul sorcerer, meaning that despite the family drama, you’re Favored by the Gods. This gives you an extra spell, (Cure Wounds for a stronger healing factor) the ability to pick spells from both the sorcerer and cleric lists, and once per short rest you can add 2d4 to a failed save or attack throw. This is super important for you because your wisdom is low, and it’s not getting any higher. The only thing worse than a barely controllable mountain of rage helping you is a barely controllable mountain of rage that isn’t helping you.

For spells, grab Resistance for further save enhancement, Thaumaturgy to save your vocal chords while screaming, Booming Blade and Lightning Lure as gifts from dear old dad, Jump for some extra mobility, and Protection from Evil and Good to maybe get your stepmom off your back.

3. Barbarian 2: Second level barbarians get Reckless Attack, giving yourself advantage for a turn in exchange for giving anyone hitting you advantage until your next turn. When your skin’s that tough, you don’t really care about leaving an opening. Your Danger Sense gives you advantage on dex saves against effects you can see. It’s more like you’re tough enough to shrug off whatever’s hitting you than you actually dodging.

Third level Aasimar also get a Necrotic Shroud, an action that transforms you into a monstrous form for a minute. Creatures near you need to make a charisma save or become frightened, and once per turn you can add necrotic damage equal to your level to an attack.

4. Barbarian 3: Third level barbarians set down their Primal Path. The path of the zealot gives you Divine Fury, letting you add 1d6 plus half your barbarian level in radiant damage to your first hit each turn. Even like this, there’s still a bit of divinity in you. You also become a Warrior of the Gods; resurrections spells don’t require material components to work on you. We haven’t reached the point where your immortality kicks in yet, but this will keep you alive until we get there.

5. Barbarian 4: Your first ASI is going to boost your Constitution, for more health, AC, and concentration.

6. Barbarian 5: Fifth level barbarians gain an Extra Attack, letting you make one more attack with each attack action. Your NP adds a couple more in, but we’ll take what we can get. Your Fast Movement also gives you 10′ of extra movement when not wearing heavy armor. You can only jump as far as your normal movement limit, so this will help you make some truly impressive leaps. Or just chase down the poor bastard who’s threatening Ilya.

7. Barbarian 6: The zealot’s Fanatical Focus lets you reroll a failed save while raging, once per rage. The only saves you’re really good at are strength and constitution, so we’ll take whatever we can get.

8. Barbarian 7: Your Feral Instinct gives you advantage on initiative rolls, and you can rage at the start of combat to ignore being surprised. You’re not the one who gets attacked, you’re the one who does the attacking.

9. Barbarian 8: Use your next ASI for more Strength. To be the strongest in the world, you have to be the strongest you can be.

10. Barbarian 9: Your Brutal Critical adds an extra die when you deal critical damage to a creature. You’ve got a big sword, let’s make it even bigger.

11. Barbarian 10: Your Zealous Presence lets you inspire other party members as well. Once per long rest you can use your bonus action to give 10 other creatures advantage on  attacks and saves until your next turn. You’re so good at not dying, you can even help other people avoid doing so.

12. Barbarian 11: Your guts finally kicks in at this level. Relentless Rage prevents you from dropping to 0 HP if you make a DC 10 Constitution save. on  a success, you don’t die, and the save’s DC increases by 5 until you take a break. Appropriately enough, with your current Constitution you can pull this off three times per rest, meaning you’ve gone from no bond CE to one bond CE in a single level.

13. Barbarian 12: At twelfth level, max out your Strength. If you want to get even stronger, I’d suggest convincing your DM to let you start worshiping Iroas. Or Ares, if you want to keep it in the family.

14. Barbarian 13: Thirteenth level barbarians gain a second bonus die for their Brutal Critical. You might think about switching to a greataxe at this point to take the most advantage of your extra dice. Consistency is good, being able to crush your enemies in a single blow is better.

15. Barbarian 14: Congratulations! You aren’t killed when you die now! Your Rage Beyond Death lets you put off unconsciousness and death until the end of your rage. Now your ability to survive only depends on how much hitting you can fit into one minute.

16. Barbarian 15: Remember what I just said about hitting? Now it’s not a problem. Your Persistent Rage means your rage doesn’t stop until you choose to. You can now survive a full minute after you die, no strings attached.

17. Barbarian 16: We’re switching things up for this penultimate ASI. Grab the Tough feat for 34 extra HP now, and another two extra HP each time you level up. You have a lot of not dying options, but discretion is the better part of valor.

18. Barbarian 17: Your Brutal Critical increases to an extra third die when you crit. This shouldn’t surprise you by now, but you hitting people really, really hurts. If the stars align (or you’re working with Merlin), you might be able to put some weaker servants in the ground with a single turn’s worth of crits by this point.

19. Barbarian 18: You are the strongest in the world, and it’s time to start acting like it. Your Indomitable Might means that every strength check you make always turns out to be at least your Strength Score, i.e. 20. Unlike reliable talent, this affects the total, not just the roll. A 20 every time is still really good though. Maybe now you’ll be able to open that jar of pickles Ilya’s been complaining about.

20. Barbarian 19: Your capstone level leaves you with one last ASI. Grab some more Constitution for more health and a higher chance at passing your Relentless Rage saves.

Pros: I’m not sure if you noticed that thing I said at level 18, but you deal a lot of damage when you swing that big chunk of metal around. You’re also really hard to kill: You have a ton of HP to chew through, and even when you die, you don’t die, and when you do die, it still takes about a minute to properly kick in. You’d think that toughness and damage would put you in Mighty Glacier territory, but on top of all that you’re not slow either. You’re just a bit faster than most people, and you have Jump to boost you into places you wouldn’t think you could reach. Anything that has to get within sword’s reach of you to fight you is pretty screwed.

Cons: Anything that can stay out of your reach can completely screw you over though. Your longest range attack is Lightning Lure, and that only has a range of 15′. Also, your mental saves are terrible, and there’s only so much your features can protect you from in one go. 

Finally, that one sorcerer level we took for extra save power also means you’re technically not the strongest you could be. The final level of barbarian would have given you an additional 4 points to strength and constitution. You don’t do too many attacks in one go, so the strength isn’t the end of the world, and the extra health would give you even more longevity.

However, I stand by the sorcerer multiclass. The extra points on your saves can be applied to your weak points, rather than just focused on things you’re already good at, and you can enjoy the benefit at level 2, rather than 20. You does your best work between 0 and 1 HP anyway.

Overall, this build and what you want to do with it are simple: just hit the red until they’re dead, and everything will work out fine. Also: don’t let Jason talk you into doing anything.

Next up: It’s a lovely morning in Camelot, and you are a horrible knight.