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qveerthe0ry · 10 months ago

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Lions Ain't the Kind - Part Three

Summary: You and Frankie talk about your feelings. And also bang. Word Count: 3,053 (it's short but porn with the tiniest bit of plot) Pairing: Frankie Morales x NB/Gender-fluid! AFAB! Reader Rating: 18+ Explicit Warnings: 18+ mdni, subby!Frankie, soft dom!reader, talks about narcotics anonymous, amab terminology for afab genitalia, kissing, making out, p in v intercourse, frottage, dirty talk, Frankie has a praise kink, no use of y/n, no physical descriptions of reader A/N: As always, thank you to @for-a-longlongtime and @perotovar for beta reading and motivating me ilysm

Maybe it’s a little reckless, you think. It’s a Thursday night, and Frankie’s at your place for the fifth night in a row.

Sunday and Monday he left when you both were yawning into the wee hours. Tuesday, he fell asleep on your shoulder as you watched a movie on cable, and you had to kiss his sweet little sleeping face until he woke to send him on his way.

Wednesday, he came over later than the days prior, after his weekly community event. He opened up to you about what that meant, his weekly NA meeting, and showed you his one and two year chip, preciously tucked away in his wallet. He told you about how he’s nearly halfway to getting his third, and thinks he wants to become a sponsor soon.

He goaded you to ask him questions you may have, answered them patiently, and thanked you for listening. He looked tired, that night. He wore a long day of work, a bit of anxiety, and the challenging conversation all in the dark circles under his eyes and his slumped shoulders.

So you took him to bed for the first time, made him a warm mug of tea as he weakly protested, and settled your favorite weighted blanket on top of him. You let some satisfying YouTube compilation play at low volume, dimmed the lights, and snuggled into him while he sipped the chamomile with sugar.

When he’d finished, you let him rest his heavy head on your chest and close his eyes.

“Can I sleep over tonight?”

His voice was small and weary and you couldn’t possibly say no to him. So you set an alarm for him, turned off the bedside lamp, and slept.

And now it’s Thursday, and even though you woke up with him and showered with him and kissed him goodbye before you both went to work, you still crave the feeling of being near him.

Actually, you’re fully convinced that you’ve never felt so good in your life than you do right now, lazing in bed with bellies full of pizza and your head resting on Frankie’s solid chest.

It’s raining, as it has been pretty much all day. The kind of gloomy that begs you to go home and snuggle up with someone. You want to pretend like that’s the reason you’ve yearned for Frankie all day long, but you’d only be lying to yourself.

The TV is on, but it’s long been abandoned. You breathe together as you both watch the rain through the small slits in your bedroom blinds.

Easy.

Always so easy. You’re content to just enjoy the feeling of being this close to him, listening to the storm and the soft breaths.

But there’s a bit of a heated energy between you. You can feel it in the way his half-hard cock twitches against your thigh, the way his hand slinks lower and lower with each pass he makes across your back.

You can’t mask your reaction either, the way your breathing hitches every time his fingertips graze the bare skin between your hoodie and your briefs. Humidity builds quickly between your thighs, and feeling his strong one pressed against your cock has it throbbing in no time, has you arching into him for more.

“Hard for me, guapo?”

His whisper tickles your forehead, and you crane your neck to look up at him and nod.

“Can I get you off?”

You nod again, drowsiness and arousal clouding your brain a bit too much to conjure up words. He coos at you as he presses his thigh harder against your package. Your nails sink into the bare skin of his chest where you’ve snaked your hand under his t-shirt, and it makes him gasp and curse.

“What can I do? What do you want? I’ll give you anything.”

Jesus.

Your cock pulses at his eagerness to submit to and serve you. You sense he feels it, because he rolls his thigh into you again. You huff and pull your hand out from under his shirt so you can grip his shoulder, then wrap your hand around the back of his neck to pull his lips to yours.

His groan mixes with your own, and his hips buck up to find relief against your thigh, too. You fucking love this. You love it so much your entire chest swells with it. Lazy and turned on, exhilarated but tired, and so so comfortable here. You’re in your pajamas, and Frankie’s in a borrowed pair of yours, and you press and roll against each other like a dance you’ve practiced millions of times.

You shift to straddle him properly, and his hands find your hips, to guide you or to ground himself, you can’t be sure. His dick presses against yours and you gasp, and his teeth sink into your bottom lip.

“Shit, can you take these off?”

You slip two fingers under the elastic of your shorts that sit snug against his hips and he nods quickly.

You work to get yours off yourself as he shimmies his down his legs and before he can even kick them off you’re spitting into your palm to wrap it around his heavy, warm prick.

His eyelids flutter closed at the feeling and he goes lax into the mattress under him. You make quick work of slicking him up before you lower yourself back down. He hisses as you slide your cock against his, grinding into his frenulum, and for a moment you’re worried that he’s too sensitive.

The anxiety falls when his hands press you against him harder, and his hips buck up, and he lets out a sweet groan. You rock your hips, reveling in the wet friction of your cocks sliding together, the tips of them kissing before every retreating roll. You bend down to kiss him, open-mouthed and uncoordinated. The rough bumps of his taste buds against your own make you shiver, make you thrust your hips a little faster.

And his noises. He’s so fucking vocal, it makes you even more wet, that much more turned-on and desperate for him. You match them, unable to hold back the raw desire that’s overwhelmed you in such a short amount of time.

His prick twitches deliciously as it slides back and forth through your folds, and you start to roll your hips even further, to feel the head of it press against your soaking entrance.

You aren’t always so into penetration. You have to be in a certain mood, and you have to really want it.

But right now, as you feel him catch on your rim, and the accompanying gasp when Frankie feels it too… Well, you really fucking want it.

You bite down on his plump bottom lip maybe a bit too hard, and he hisses as you pull away.

“Fuck, Frankie,” you pant, “can I— Can I put it inside?”

You watch him squeeze his eyes shut, and feel his hips jerk at the question, and hear his whimper cut off as he replies.

“Yes, anything. Take anything from me. I want it.”

His babbling eggs you on, and you tilt your hips and lean back enough to let his cock press into you. You watch his chest rise and fall rapidly as you sink down onto him, so easily with how turned on and soaking wet you are.

He fills you perfectly. Your nails bite into his skin with how fucking good it feels to clench around him.

“You— Oh god.”

His eyes are squeezed shut, and his grip on your hips is bruising.

“Okay?”

“Too fucking good, you feel amazing,” he pants.

You lift yourself up and begin to ride him, watching with heavy lids as he writhes under you. You work together beautifully, meeting each other halfway. The angle has him grinding into the perfect fucking spot, and you know you won’t last long. You can tell he won’t either by the way his eyebrows are pinched together in an effort to hang on.

“Touch me,” you breathe, spreading your thighs wider.

You watch as Frankie’s big, brown eyes open and gaze up at you, then down the arched line of your body, to where he’s pressed deep inside of you.

His hand twitches on your hip, and you realize you haven’t really done this with him yet. But it’s okay. You’ll show him, you want to show him. And more than just to get off, but because you want him to know you, every part.

You take one of his hands into your own. His eyes follow them both where you bring them to your mouth. You suck on his thumb first, and watch his eyelashes flutter as he grinds out a ‘fuck me’ through his teeth. You repeat with his index finger, and let the sloppy job you’ve done leave a thin string of spit between him and your mouth.

He squeezes your hip with his free hand as you guide his other down, past your heaving chest and your belly, to rest on the hairs on your mound. You hear his breath hitch, and it makes you smile, and then you coax him to take your cock between his thumb and forefinger.

You whimper as he squeezes experimentally, and then you move his hand to start stroking you.

“Like this?” He asks, eyes so wide as he looks up at you.

“Just like that. Please don’t stop.”

He nods and continues to jerk you off, and you finally start moving again, your knees screaming as they lift you up and back down on his cock. You feel it jerking inside you, so heavy and thick. You cry out when you find the perfect angle, and you grind and bounce on him like that until your ears ring and your vision goes fuzzy and you’re coming around him.

He cries out too, nails nearly breaking skin as he feels you squeeze him and as your dick pulses over and over again between his fingers. You both watch it, the way it throbs in his grip, and the creamy white droplets that leak out of you around his prick.

You pull his hand away when it’s too much, but you keep riding him. He quickly sits up on his elbows, grabs one of your hips with his big hand.

“Gonna— Ah, fuck. Gonna come. Tell me where,” he pants.

“In me, fill me. Want you to,” you say, equally out of breath.

He keens, whining as he buries his face in the sweaty skin of your neck. He’s supporting himself with just one hand now, the other wraps around your waist as he fucks up into you. You hold his head steady against you, fingers tangled in his hair as his cock pounds into the sensitive nerves inside you.

You’re both a heap of a mess, sounds of your pleasure and your bodies colliding and the bed creaking all mixed together. You feel it when he releases, in the way his dick jumps and twitches inside you and the way his grip on your waist tightens and the way his teeth sink into your skin.

“Fuck,” he breathes, “Jesus. Shit.”

You giggle, chuffed with yourself, but also at the way his breath tickles your goosebumped skin. His lips and tongue soothe the nasty bruise he left fairly high up on your neck. You tug on his hair to get him to look up at you.

He always looks so goddamn gorgeous after he comes. So relaxed, hazy, eyes dark and glassy. You press your lips to his and feel him go lax against you as he lets out a big breath.

“Guapo,” he mumbles low against your lips, “so fucking perfect.”

His voice is all slurred and low and it rumbles your own chest where it’s pressed up against his. You hum your agreement and rest your foreheads together.

For a moment you just rest there like that, listening to your breaths even back out again, and the accompanying rain against your window panes. His hands draw soothing patterns on your lower back, and you can’t stop running your fingers through his slightly damp curls.

Whe Frankie goes soft enough to slip out of you, you regretfully have to stumble off to the bathroom. You stare in the mirror a bit too long, eyeing the love bite you will DEFINITELY have to pull out your makeup bag for in the morning. But you also notice your exerted face, the sweat that lingers on your skin, and most of all, the smile that you cannot get to go away.

When you come back to the bedroom with a towel, Frankie seems to be having a similar problem.

All cleaned up, you crawl back under the covers with him, coax him to roll over so you can hold him from behind and rest your hand over his heart.

“Gonna start charging you for rent, Pretty Boy.”

He chuckles, wiggling his ass back into you.

“Surely there’s some other way I could repay you.”

It shocks a huffed laugh out of you, and you move to grab his hip and dig your fingertips into the warm flesh.

“Would you like that, Francisco?”

It still delights you, how tangible his reaction is when you say his full name. This time, you get to see the goosebumps break out on the back of his neck. You press your tongue against them, then your teeth, and chuckle when his response is stilted.

“Yeah– yes. Fuck.”

You get a wicked feeling that curls around your gut, hot and sticky, almost whiplash to be right back here again so shortly after such an intense orgasm.

Your hand moves to his thigh, where you toy with the hem of your shorts.

“You want me to fuck you, Pretty Boy?”

He arches into your touch, encourages you to reach higher. He’s forgone his underwear, you discover, as you stroke the skin just under his asscheek. He shivers as you tease him, cuts off a noise high in the back of his throat to respond.

“I do,” he whispers.

You grab his hip once more, grinding into him, finding the juncture of his neck with your mouth and suckling before you speak against it.

“Shit, Frankie. Gonna be my pillow princess? Let me have my way with your cute little ass?”

He yelps when you bite the thin skin behind his earlobe, but his back just arches even more to press back into you.

“I can’t– I can’t go again right now.”

You huff at that, and smile against the curls at his nape, pinch his asscheek once for good measure.

“That’s okay. We have time, right?”

He turns in your hold and finds your lips with his own in an instant. Bruising, his mouth is insistent against yours, while his hand scrabbles for purchase on your hoodie. You’re both short of breath, once again, when he pulls away.

“I really, really think that you’re good for me.”

It sets your heart racing. It’s not something anyone’s ever said to you. It’s not something you thought was ever really possible, to actually add value to someone’s experience. Not someone worth being with, anyway.

“I know you’re good for me,” you whisper.

“Don’t let me fuck this up. I fuck this kinda thing up, usually. Don’t let me. Yell at me, tie me down, call my mother on me, but don’t… just don’t let me fuck this up for myself.”

You kiss the crown of his head.

“You like being yelled at and tied down, then?”

That gets a real laugh out of him, startled and bubbly, and you squirm under him as he pinches at your sides.

As the laughter dies down, you watch the wrinkles at the edge of his eyes settle, and even reach up to swipe your thumb across them.

“You know I wanna show you off, right?”

You nod, an instinct, nothing more.

“Guapo. I mean it. You’re so… You’re totally out of my league, I wanna brag about it to everyone.”

“What makes you think I’m out of your league, you crazy, crazy man?”

Your hand finds his curls again, playfully scraping your knuckles across his scalp.

“You’re the entire fucking package, you’re sweet and gorgeous, smart, successful, so kind. Everything I’ve always wanted. I want everyone to know I have that. It’s silly, I know, but I feel so… smug about it.”

You laugh, but it’s broken and breathy.

“You think you feel smug.”

“Aw, c’mon. I’m just some guy.”

“You’re my guy.”

“Fuck, say that again.”

His hand finds your hip and squeezes, and you bite your lip to hide the satisfaction in your smile.

“You’re my guy, Frankie.”

His eyes lose their mischievous glint. They soften, and his bottom lip quivers as he sucks in a deep breath.

“You mean that? You– You want me… like that?”

Your hand settles at the back of his head to cradle it, and you press a kiss to his heated cheek, then his nose, then his forehead.

“Sweet boy, of course I do. I want you in every way you’ll let me have you.”

A little breath hiccups out of him and his face splits into a pearly white grin.

“Like… as your boyfriend?”

You roll your eyes at him then, but match his smile tooth for tooth.

“Yes, Pretty Boy. As my boyfriend.”

He lets out a happy sigh, and you feel his fingers fidget with the hem of your hoodie.

“Guapo… What do you want me to call you?”

You hum, and press your lips to his, so soft and supple and malleable against your own.

“Partner…” you mumble against him, “better half.”

“That one’s very true,” he jokes into your kiss.

“Dearest… lover.”

“You’re gonna make me hard again,” he says, low, a warning into your own mouth.

“Is that such a crime?”

“You’re gonna send me to an early grave, so, in the long run it is.”

You laugh, full and deep, lips pressed to his cheek.

“My dearest,” he says, pressing a kiss to your own cheek, “my partner,” a kiss to your forehead, “my lover,” a kiss against your lips, languid and drawn out, until you’re arching against him and tangling yourself in him.

“Yours.”

last part / next part

#x reader #sub! frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #nb reader #gender-fluid reader #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #frankie morales #frankie morales fanfiction #ppcu fanfiction #pedro pascal cinematic universe #frankie morales smut #triple frontier fanfiction

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rocorambles · 4 years ago

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Surprise Interview

Pairing: Kenma x Reader

Genre/Warnings: NSFW, Yandere, Pseudo-Cest, Dub-Con/Non-Con, Verbal Humiliation, Manipulation

Summary: Kenma sees if you have what it takes to be Bouncing Ball’s newest employee.

A/N: This is for @sugawara-sweetheart ‘s Decadence Collab. So excited to be a part of this collab and to be able to indulge in such a delicious prompt and theme. Be sure to check out everyone else’s works! As always, thanks for beta-ing @sawamooora ~

There’s a familiar peace and a new nervousness about coming back home for the holidays. Mostly because home isn’t quite the same home it used to be. You can feel warmth blooming in your chest at the thought of seeing your mom, telling her about everything and everyone (as if your daily phone calls aren’t enough), and just lounging around while she fills you up with her cooking. But you can also feel a certain shyness as you approach the house, a building that still feels brand new and strange to you.

Your mother had gotten remarried during your earlier college years after your father’s passing and you were elated for her. If anyone deserves all the happiness in the world, it’s her. You had met Mr. Kozume quite a few times and you have no qualms with the man. He treats your mother like a queen and even though you playfully gag as they sweet talk and kiss in front of you, you wholeheartedly approve of their relationship.

However, what you aren’t quite as prepared for is having a new step-sibling.

You don’t know much about Kenma Kozume. Well, not much more than the rest of the world does.

Professional gamer. Successful stock trader. Popular YouTuber. Founder of his own corporation.

You know exactly who your new brother is, but other than seeing him a few times in person at family gatherings and exchanging polite greetings, there’s no real connection. Which is why your heart races as you nervously ring his doorbell, anxiety already making your leg twitch as you wait for the door to open.

Your mother and step-father are on a couple’s vacation and won’t be returning for a few days.

(“We just want some romantic time together before we have a full house again for the holidays. Plus this is a great chance to get to know your older brother better!” You hadn’t even been able to get a word of protest in before she had laughed and hung up on you, leaving you speechless and on your own as you hesitantly texted Kenma, letting him know what day to expect you.)

Kenma is quiet as ever as he nods in greeting, silently leading you to your guest room before quietly telling you to make yourself at home and leaving to do his own thing. You let out a huge sigh of relief as the door closes behind him.

There’s nothing wrong with Kenma. He’s smart and successful. Maybe a bit on the quiet side, but that only adds to his down to earth charm. You know your mother and step-father adore him and you can’t blame them. Yet, you can’t help but feel scrutinized, seen so clearly in a way that terrifies you when his feline eyes gaze at you. It takes everything in you not to immediately scurry away whenever you’re in viewing distance of him, desperate to hide all the flaws you imagine he’s noticing and calculating. Your step-father had mentioned how Kenma used to be the strategist of his high school volleyball team, and has always been able to evaluate and accurately break down situations and people. And you believe it.

You’re just grateful the house is large enough to avoid each other and that Kenma tends to reside mostly in his home office and bedroom.

But even the founder of a company needs a break from time to time. Kenma shuffles towards the gaming room, only to blink in surprise when he sees you already inside of it, happily smiling as Animal Crossing visuals and sounds fill the space.

He had known you owned a Nintendo Switch, a piece of information your mom had shared to break the ice a bit. And it’s really no surprise that this is your go-to game. But knowing and seeing are two different things and he can’t help but let his own lips twitch upwards at how calm and relaxed you are tending to your garden, decorating your home, choosing your outfit.

Kenma’s never been good with people, has never been the one to initiate a friendship. He knows he should have made more of an effort to be friendly and welcoming to you as your new older brother. There’s a slight pang of regret in his chest when he sees how at ease you are while you’re unaware of his presence. His eyes are as sharp as ever and he locks in on the way your body slightly stiffens, fingers nervously fidgeting when you finally notice his figure in the doorway, words already stuttering an apology for using his game room without explicitly asking.

You look like a scared mouse about to flee from the claws of a cat. And it pisses him off.

He hasn’t made the best efforts to bridge the gap between you, but for you to fear him? That seems a tad unnecessary, and more than a tad insulting. It’s more than enough to make the sadistic streak in him want to give you something to be scared about.

But he’s never been impulsive and he just quietly sits beside you on the floor, reassuring you it’s fine to play, smirking when you sneak little side glances his way as you continue collecting fruits.

“Kozume, do you want to play-”

“Just call me Kenma.”

Entranced eyes watch as you grow flustered at his words, mouth silently testing the weight of his given name in your mouth. For once, Kenma could care less about playing video games when a shaky timid “Kenma” slips past your soft lips.

“Kenma, do you want to play something together?”

You have no idea how badly he really does want to play together, but it’s a game you’re not ready for. So he calls upon any restraint he has to pluck your device from your hands and change the game to Mario Kart.

It’s amusing how easily you soften besides him, brow furrowing in concentration, eyes intently and eagerly following the screen, any anxiousness quickly forgotten as you get into the game. He greedily watches as you pout when you make a mistake, as your eyes light up every time you pass someone.

If he had known how easy it would be to make you warm up to him, he’d have done this sooner and he genuinely laughs when you whine and fake glare at him as he wins yet another round.

He asks about school. You ask about work. He tells you about his childhood. You share your own stories.

It’s a comfortable rhythmic back and forth and he’s afraid of ruining it, but a certain question nags at his mind, a question he knows may ruin the entire flow of the conversation.

“You’ll be graduating soon. Have you decided what you want to do after college?”

“Kenma not you too!!!”

His shoulders relax at how well you react to the question, smiling at the way you flop onto your back and groan about how mom and dad are already on your case about future plans.

“I’ve been applying to places, but who knows. Maybe I’ll just work for you at Bouncing Ball.”

There’s a playful lilt in your voice when you say it, a giggle and teasing smile accompanying the words. But there’s nothing funny about it to Kenma and your smile falters a bit when you see how tightly Kenma’s gripping his controller, the way his eyes pin you down.

“Kenma? It’s just a joke. I would never take advantage of-”

You try to get up from your reclined position, only to whimper in confusion when Kenma’s hand on your shoulder forces you back down. And suddenly you’re pinned down by more than just his stare as he moves to straddle you, knees on either side of your body, hands next to your head, his whole body caging yours.

It’s a lighthearted joke in the family that if all else fails, you could always work at Bouncing Ball. A joke your step-father and mother always dish out when the arguments get too tense as the three of you talk about your future. But it’s become less in jest for Kenma, especially after Kuroo sent him a scandalous picture of his newest secretary kneeling between his long legs, lips wrapped around his cock.

It wasn’t the first picture, nor was it the last incriminating photo the older businessman had sent him. Kenma merely rolled his eyes before deleting the image from his phone, wondering when Kuroo would grow bored and find a new toy to play with. But he freezes when he sees the following text message from his long-time friend.

“You’re the CEO of a company, Kenma. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone convenient around? A pretty warm body? I bet that cute new step sister of yours would look really good under your desk. Doesn’t she graduate from college soon? If you don’t make a move, maybe I’ll snatch her up right from under your nose. I’m due for a change of secretary soon.”

There’s absolutely no reason for the hot anger that lances through him at Kuroo’s taunting words and he grimaces at playing right into his ex-captain’s hands, already hearing Kuroo’s braying laughter in his head if the older man saw just how much his words affected him.

But initial irritation aside, he lets himself really think, really imagine what a life with you at his beck and call would be like. And he likes what he sees. He doesn’t delete Kuroo’s photos as quickly as he used to, replacing the female faces with yours in his imagination as his hands slip under the hem of his boxers.

He knows it’s a longshot, knows there’s a high chance you’ll continue your lives as is, never destined to exchange more than a few polite greetings at family outings. But now...now hearing you voice the idea out loud yourself, hearing the way his first name sounds from your lips…

Maybe it’s not the silly pipe dream he had believed it to be.

“I’m in need of an assistant if you really do want to work at Bouncing Ball, but you’d need to prove why it would be worth hiring you.”

He almost laughs at how you perk up despite the precarious position you’re in, almost ready to launch into an elevator pitch of your qualifications flat on your back underneath him. You’re quite the multitasker already and he groans at the thought of having you cockwarm him while he tests out a new video game, making you answer all his calls stuffed full of him and desperately trying to hide the lustful tremble in your voice.

But he’s not here to listen to your carefully crafted speech. (Guess you really were practicing for job interviews like you said you were. What a good girl.) And he firmly presses his lips against yours to silence you, taking his time to immerse himself in the way your mouths mold against each other.

Your taste, your smell, your warmth. It’s all intoxicating and he slips his tongue inside your parted lips, subtly rutting his groin against your body. He can feel your body jostle as you lift your arms and he waits for the weight of your arms to lovingly wrap around his neck, only to be shocked when you weakly press against his shoulders until he finally relents and pulls back just enough to look down at you in irritated confusion.

“We- we shouldn’t be doing this.”

It’s not the words that have him clenching his fists, not even the way your palms still timidly press against him in a laughably weak show of defense.

It’s the fear in your eyes, the way you look at him like he’s some monster. It's the way he can almost palpably feel and hear your desire to be anywhere other than here, with anyone other than him, wishing to put as much space between the two of you as possible.

It’s your rejection.

It hurts to know that he isn’t enough just as he is, that he needs to resort to less...savory and straightforward ways to entrap you. But he’s not Hinata or Kuroo. He doesn’t have an electrifying personality or roguishly handsome features and charm to woo you. He only has his cunning and sharp tongue.

And he fully intends on maximizing his gifts.

“Of course, you don’t have to. You can just keep on applying and getting rejected by every company you speak to, if they even bother meeting with you after seeing your pathetic resume. Average college. Average grades. Average major. Tell me, how many interviews have you actually been reached out to for?”

He’s going out on a bit of a limb, but his suspicions are right and he cruelly smirks at the way tears bubble in your eyes at his words, no comeback or denial rolling off the tip of your tongue. He had a feeling you were struggling from the bits and pieces he’s picked up as your parents quietly talk and fret over you actually being able to find a job after graduation.

“Our parents are too nice to say anything about it, but you know they’re disappointed in you, right? Have you noticed how they always avoid talking about how school is going or asking you about how job hunting is going? How they only ask me how work is going? It’s because they know you’re just a loser whose life is going to amount to nothing.”

“That’s not true! They love me-”

“I’m not saying they don’t love you, but doesn’t that make it even worse? Making your loving and caring parents worry and stress over you when they should be preparing for retirement, an easy life? Instead of letting them finally enjoy a carefree life, you’ll be their freeloader daughter who uses up all their remaining funds. Is that what you want?”

You really are too easy and his lips curl in satisfaction at the way you frantically shake your head side to side, fat wet drops streaming down your face, adorable sniffles filling the air.

“If you become my assistant, I’ll compensate you well. You can live here with me, have your own room, a roof over your head, all the food and clothing you need and want. Think about how relieved and happy our parents will be seeing you provided for, seeing us getting along. Isn’t that what you want? For them to be happy?”

He knows how close you are to your mom, how important this idea of a perfect family is to you. He knows how insecurity and doubt about your own capabilities torment you. And he knows you’re hooked on his claws when your hands that are still pressed against his shoulders drop limply besides you, not even a hint of resistance left in you when he leans down once more to rest his forehead on yours, one hand cupping the side of your face.

“This is all you’re good for anyway. Working underneath me.”

If you notice his pun, you don’t acknowledge it, too busy wincing and squirming as he harshly nips and bites a trail from your lips to your neck as he pushes up the hem of your shirt until your chest is on full display for him. There’s something experimental, cold, meticulous about the way he gropes and fondles your breasts.Your face heats in humiliation at how he treats you like one of the many game consoles he’s reviewed for his audience.

But you don’t do anything about it, telling yourself that this is just his version of an interview as he pinches and prods at you, meanly twisting your nipples and chuckling at your yelp of pain. You obediently let him spread your legs apart, only letting out an agonized cry as he tests your flexibility, staring at him with a trembling lower lip as he sharply tells you to shut up while scrutinizing your panty-covered sex.

“You really are made for this, aren’t you?”

You whimper as he nudges the small wet spot on the thin fabric, clenching your eyes shut in denial at how hot and wound up your body feels from his touch, unable to hide your gasp as he pulls the layer aside and rubs your aroused clit.

There’s something so different about the way his fingers slowly sink into your wet pussy, almost lazily curling against your soft walls, his thumb never stopping its careful massage on the bundle of nerves at the apex of your thighs. So different from your own fingers desperately thrusting in and out of you. So different from the drunk partners you’ve hooked up with at college and their sloppy, rapid, frantic movements.

You can feel something large, something intimidating slowly rising from deep inside of you, a volcano about to erupt compared to the bright and fast to fade shooting stars you’re used to. You’re scared. Scared of the intoxicating feeling, of how easy it is to grow accustomed to Kenma’s presence, of how his cat-like eyes are all you can see and think of.

How can something feel so wrong and so right at the same time?

That’s the last coherent thought you have before your world goes blank, pleasure rocking through you as you soak the carpet and your step-brother’s hand with your juices. You’re moaning as Kenma continues to rock his fingers in and out of you, fingertips insistently massaging your clit and g-spot as you ride out your orgasm, body trembling and convulsing.

But even when the tremors slow, when pleasure becomes something sharper, more overwhelming, he doesn’t stop. You wail, begging him to stop, to let you rest, slumping in relief when he finally drags his hands away from you, carelessly wiping the mess you’ve made of his hand on your skin, covering you in your own essence.

Your heavy eyelids threaten to flutter shut as you let exhaustion wash over you, already dreading having to get up and wash yourself. But you’re shocked back to reality as something hard begins to nudge at your still fluttering entrance.

“Kenma! No! Too much-”

You break off into a sob as surprisingly strong hands dig into your hips, holding you still as he pushes and pushes until he’s fully settled inside of you, balls resting against your ass.

You’re still so tight, your quivering walls clamping around the intrusion, and he groans at the thought of being able to sink into this hole every day, multiple times, whenever he wants. His cock is already aching from holding off for so long, from watching your body and face contorted in pleasure. Kenma can feel his end quickly approaching as you scream and wail underneath him, eyes rolling back in your head, drool trickling from the corner of your mouth. You look absolutely obscene and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of this side of you.

But despite the way his balls are tightening, despite the stutter in his hips, he’s determined to watch you fall apart once more, to see you shatter to pieces yet again. He grits his teeth, fingers reaching down to furiously rub at your already oversensitized clit, reveling in how your back arches, thighs shaking in overstimulation, and then you snap.

He wonders what his parents would think of their dear dumb daughter now, looking nothing like their silly angel, looking like a wanton used whore, incoherent garbled noises slipping past your lips as you twitch uncontrollably, your pussy milking him dry as he cums inside of you.

There’s only silence mixed with your pitiful whimpers as he slides out of you, grimacing at the sticky mess you’ve made of yourself and him. But that’s what your other hole is for and he orders you to suck him clean, admiring what a quick learner you are, eager to please as you noisily slurp and lick him clean, moaning at the taste of your combined fluids...

Maybe too eager and he shoves you off of him when you become too enthusiastic, his cock beginning to twitch in interest once more.

You look so lost, still sprawled out on the ground, staring up at him with wide imploring eyes as he pulls up his pants. So vulnerable and in need of guidance.

Good thing you have such a great boss to manage you.

“Not bad. Consider these next few days your internship and if all goes well, I’ll be more than happy to hire you as Bouncing Ball’s newest employee this summer. Now clean up this room and show me that my future assistant can do more than just be a slut.”

#yandere haikyuu #yandere kenma #yandere kenma x reader #haikyuu smut #kenma x reader #kenma smut #haikyuu x reader #sweetheart decadence #tw: yandere #tw: dubcon #tw: noncon

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wyrmy-fics · 4 years ago

Note

if the rfa had youtube channels, what would they be posting?

This is going to be so much fun oml. I know exactly what to do. So buckle up 👁👁

Reblogs are highly appreciated. :)

RFA on YouTube

Includes: Zen, Yoosung, Jaehee, Jumin, Seven, V, Rika.

Warnings -> (N/A)

Type: Headcanons.

Zen:

✧ Zenny’s Tips & Tricks ✧

His channel is mainly about himself, as anyone would guess.

But at the same time, they’re actually helpful and fun to watch. He’s been crowned the ��big bro” of YouTube.

Beauty tips: How to wash your face properly and the right products to use, the perfect shampoo and conditioners, how to keep yourself from aging...

Zen will also do tons of reviews and sponsorships.

Whenever he’s not talking about beauty, here comes the tricks.

Acting tricks: How to pick your monologues, the right volume to use within the theatre, how to use your expressions, the red flags in theatre...

Even if you aren’t interested in those, he always makes the videos enjoyable to learn from.

The occasional fancams here and there...

“It’s not weird to show your own fancams, right?”

Yoosung:

⭑ Yoosung Games ⭑

Of course he’d be a gamer channel.

Streams on Twitch and then edits the videos for YouTube the next day.

He has the whole set up too - the gaming chair, headphones, glowing keyboard, etc.

One of the best LOLOL streamers out there, but he also tries new games.

The occasional conspiracy theory videos.

Yoosung often streams with other players too and has his own little circle.

Really kicked off when he tried out Minecraft survival mode.

Would probably be one of those yelling/screaming type streamers...

“The enderman looked scary, okay!!”

Pure of heart, dumb of ass.

Out of request, would probably do some challenges like Try Not to Laugh or Simulator challenges.

CrankGameplays vibes...

Overall a very loved YouTuber and slowly growing in subscribers.

Jaehee:

❊ Jaehee Kang ❊

A very casual YouTuber.

Doesn’t really open up an account until she has her café.

Vlogging about her day is her main source of content.

There are a few videos with tips about creating a business and marketing, as well as what all she did to get there.

Shows off her coffee skills with her morning scenes.

If it’s a slow day for Jaehee, she’ll film herself working with soft music playing in the background that viewers can listen to with her.

Occasionally streams for Q&A sessions and to just talk with her subscribers.

Relationship videos with MC.

Hair updates because she’s excited about it growing out!!

A very loved and relaxing account. Who could hate her.

“Mom of YouTube.”

Jumin:

- (=•́ܫ•̀=) Jumin Han (=•́ܫ•̀=)

A business related channel.

Everyone asks about the cat faces in his name.

He doesn’t answer. (Was put in by Luciel)

Focuses his content on how to run a business and what it’s like for a CEO.

Doesn’t post too often - predominately takes requests when someone has a question about his work.

Will use the account to upload something professionally and send over in meetings.

If given the chance, will talk for a good 30 minutes about one simple thing. No editing either.

One time, Jumin made a video about the Dark Arts and magic he learned from his book. Everyone asked what that was about.

He didn’t answer.

Almost always has Elizabeth the Third with him in his videos too.

“Everyone must see her beauty at all times, don’t you think?”

Seven:

♛ Defender of Justice ♛

People usually call him Seven or Luciel in his videos, though.

Because he can’t show his identity to the world, he’s a masked YouTuber. (Also the reason why Saeran doesn’t create a channel.)

Think channels like Corpse, SwaggerSouls, or Dream.

Plays along with Yoosung in his games and is part of that little circle.

Will occasionally stream but relies more on videos he can edit.

Lots of cool effects in his videos - the intro is never skipped by anyone.

He tried being a VTuber once. Nearly cancelled for catfishing.

When he’s not gaming with Yoosung, Seven is mainly doing reviews on materialistic things.

Probably cars, inventions, recent technology, and giving info about them.

He’s a super mysterious YouTuber because no one knows anything about him. No one can find anything if they tried.

Everyone loves his humor though and how accepting he is to his fans.

✎ Jihyun Arts ✎

Creates his channel after his route.

Will post tutorials, speedpaints, reviews, and look at his subscribers art to compliment them.

Very slow with updating his videos but makes up for it with the length. (Average 15-20 minutes.)

Everyone loves to put his videos on in the background since his voice is really soothing. Especially when he’s painting very quietly.

There are a few videos where he teaches certain techniques with both photography and painting, like lighting and settings.

As a photographer, it was hard to clearly see feedback on his works or talk with fans. Thankfully, YouTube changed that.

It took him a while to ease into it, but he loves engaging with subscribers and asks questions on social media all the time.

Reshares any and all artwork made for him to give his honest opinions, which are all lovely.

Somehow shipped with Jumin by fans.

Rika:

☼ Kim Rika ☼

Posts twice a week with a mixture of content.

Occasionally promotes the RFA and charity work as a leader.

But on other times when there are no parties coming up, she does story times.

With parties and planning around famous (and infamous) guests, she’s bound to have a few interesting stories she can say publicly.

Like how nice Rui is in donating his photographs, or the time she slipped up and said the wrong thing to Chef Lamsey.

They’re all in good fun and typically a drama free channel.

Sometimes will vlog herself when preparing for parties and making trips to gather the things needed.

Lots of cute effects and stays within a very warm theme in all her thumbnails.

Just like Jihyun, she’s one of those channels where people play her videos in the background to simply listen to her voice.

Most likely has a line of merch, all sun and daffodil related.

PHEW that’s a lot of characters. Hope this is what you had in mind! ^^

- 💙

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marshmallowprotection · 2 years ago

Note

okok here's my lil matchup request 🥺💕

i'm a 19 year old bi transmasc dude, looking for either a romantic or platonic matchup, either works, whatever is easier! i'm a cancer and an INFP-T and both me and my friends say those are really accurate. crybaby things ✌️ no but literally i watched finding nemo again recently and bawled my eyes out. i'm serious 😭

in past romantic relationships i've been a bit obsessive, wanting to spend every minute around my partner even if it's just hanging out in the same room not saying a word. i would get paranoid easily from me overthinking everything, so i'd end up getting jealous and insecure.

but to be honest if someone were to let me be that possessive and like it and just reassure me it'd be amazing HOWEVER i know people don't usually work like that. such is life. so i've been working on handling things in a healthier way

i had a lot of really bad shit happen in my past and i spent too much time hating the world as a teenager to keep living my whole life in a bad mood. it was exhausting. so i started joking about everything and i'm a lot happier now for it, even though it took a lot of faking it to make it

i lead with jokes with people and keep everyone at arm's length — too many people have gotten close only to rip my heart out. so i like to crack jokes and make everyone laugh, i wouldn't be surprised if people usually classify me as the funny one. i'm content with that. i love making people happy

i like to draw, write, voice act, anything that can let me be creative. character design is one of my favorite things, making a whole character just with a couple concepts is so fun to me. i make my friends a lot of gift art, either of us together or their characters if they're an artist as well.

i also really love video games! i'm not very good at most of them myself, so i usually turn to twitch or youtube to watch other people play instead. i like watching my friends stream their games through discord too, i think it all started when me and my big brother were kids and he would let me watch him play zelda and halo and all that.

but ya i hope this is everything you need!! sorry if it's really long i talk a lot ;;;;

I match you with...

Yoosung!

Basically, you're the kind of person that gets overwhelmed with the idea that your emotions might be too much for people to handle. You think too long and hard about what could go wrong instead of letting yourself enjoy the moment and that can be what messes up everything that you've been trying to work on. So, what you genuinely need is somebody who can be there to level out your emotions and help you to live in the moment instead of thinking about what could happen or what happened before.

For that reason, that’s why your match is Yoosung. You need a relationship that is genuine and sincere. You need somebody that's going to love you for who you are without any pretense. It's easy to have a relationship with him because he doesn't have any pretenses. He doesn't think about things that you're afraid of, he thinks about the things that you've done with him and for him and how much they mean. You give so much of yourself to him that he only feels it's logical to devote himself back.

It's not even your shared interest in video games that really brings you together. It's the way that you experience emotions. It's how genuinely obsessed you can become with another person in a healthy way. It's running to be close to somebody and knowing that you can be without being afraid of it being misconstrued.

#ask #anon #mod kait #matchup

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jeongjaebae · 4 years ago

Text

Love Station

⇢ Jaehyun x reader | AO3

⇢ 7k of fluff, heart fluttering moments, and meme references

⇢ You never expected anything good to come out of a train delay, much less for it to play cupid on this Valentine’s Day.

Turning 23 wasn't something you were overly excited about.

Nothing good could come out of being this age anyway—you were starting to feel old and life was starting to feel stagnant. Besides, everyone's seen the meme about checking up on your friends born in a certain year because no one likes you when you're 23. But heck, you'd already felt that way for long enough so it doesn't really matter that it's your birthday today because no one liked you at 22 either. Or at any age.

Maybe that's why you're still single on this Valentine's Day, which coincidentally happens to be the date you enter your 23rd year since birth. Whatever deity that's up there probably planned this to give you a headache every year, making you watch couples all around you broadcast their PDA everywhere while you only became one year closer to growing old and wrinkly. And dying single.

"Are you on the train yet?" Yoojin's loud voice comes through the phone. "Also what are you wearing, because I'm having an outfit dilemma again."

"Almost at the station," you reply, checking the time for the sake of it. You knew your best friend would be late regardless of the occasion, so you never had to rush. "I didn't expect it to be so cold out here. Wearing the pink blouse with the bow, that black skirt, and some thin tights. Long coat of course."

Yoojin was your best friend of seven years and happened to be the complete opposite of you. While you were generally shy, she had no qualms about talking to strangers. She'd always been bold and unabashed with her opinions, attracting quite a large group of friends and enemies alike, whereas you have always stayed within your comfort zone of invisibility. And whereas you were completely dense and unlucky when it came to boys, she had a list of them long enough for the both of you.

"Tell me you at least have some tall boots on," she replies with some rustling sounds in the background as she probably flips her entire closet upside-down. "You should've gone with a warmer outfit; there won't be any boys around for you to impress! It's only your date with boring old me."

You roll your eyes and play along. "I'm dressing to impress the cute waiter, obviously," you say, "the one with the super sweet smile who looks like NCT's Doyoung." It's all made up, of course. In reality the two of you didn't have a reservation or even a restaurant in mind yet, and of course, there's obviously nobody who could ever be as cute as Doyoung.

Your best friend was all about being spontaneous and winging it, and even letting fate decide things.

"Oh you better hope that he's not out with his girlfriend tonight then," she singsongs. "Anyway, I'll go pick out an outfit now and bring a pair of leggings for you or something. Oh and before I forget, happy birthday!"

"Thanks," you say with a smile as you approach the train station. "I'll see you soon!"

It's slightly more crowded at the station than the emptiness that usually greets you at this hour, but that's not surprising since it's Valentine's Day after all, and people would have plans in the city. And just as you would expect, there are people holding big bouquets wrapped in a special paper with hearts all over it, packs of chocolates in pink and red boxes, and delicate single roses encompassed in beautiful ribbons.

It wasn't something that you felt like you were missing out on. You've never spent Valentine's Day with someone special anyway; it was always some sort of birthday celebration with friends. Until your friends started getting into relationships and then the birthday thing got pushed to different days. Either way you didn't mind because people don't need particular days to show their love for others, so Valentine's Day was all just a big marketing scam.

Or so you tell yourself.

The February air is cold and makes it hard to pry your transit card out from your wallet with your frozen fingers. When the machine nearby is finally free, that's when you go to tap your card.

"Don't."

A hand slides right in between your card and the machine, blocking it from being detected.

"Excuse me?" you automatically respond.

The first thing you notice about this annoying stranger is that he's tall, as it takes a while for you to look up to see the face of said annoying stranger. The second thing is that he's incredibly good looking. Nice skin, large eyes, and some evidence of dimples slightly visible on each cheek. A strong jaw line and sharp gaze.

But none of that matters because he better have a good explanation for you.

"Don't waste your money tapping your card. The train's been delayed and won't come until maybe an hour later."

"What? An hour? Is this some kind of joke?"

He shakes his head. "There was an announcement a few minutes ago but they'll probably repeat it soon."

"But it's not even April Fools Day," you mutter under your breath, but proceed to put your card away anyway. "Are you serious?"

That earns you a funny look from the annoying stranger, a mixture of a smile and a grimace of sorts. "Yeah, I'm really just going to go up to strangers and prank them by telling them about a train delay."

"Well, maybe if you're one of those YouTubers who go around pranking people for reactions?"

He rolls his eyes. "No, but your reaction was terrible, by the way. A two out of ten at most."

"Hey, you're the one who had to break the news to me like that!"

The corner of his mouth twitches but before he says anything back, the blare of the announcement comes on.

"Attention all passengers! Attention all passengers. The line 1 eastbound train is experiencing delays due to a technical issue on the tracks. It may be over an hour before the track can get cleared. Once again, the eastbound train is currently experiencing delays of an hour or more. We are sorry for the inconvenience."

"And there it is. Do you believe me now?" the annoying stranger asks, raising an eyebrow at you. It's not so much of an 'I told you so', but rather a sad 'welcome to the club'.

"Yeah... sorry for not taking you seriously."

"Nah, no worries," he shrugs and gives you a quick smile. The first you'd seen from him. "We're all just stuck here now."

When he turns to look at the announcement board, that's when you take the chance to really study him. He's dressed like he's walked out of a Korean drama: turtleneck and a nice formal jacket. He looks to be about your age, maybe a university student or fresh grad. Hair gelled up and parted at the side. Perfectly dressed to go on the perfect Valentine's Day date with his perfectly stunning girlfriend.

As perfect as it can be with this whole train delay issue anyway.

You follow his gaze to the announcement board and see that it now has red words everywhere, indicating all the delays of the trains. It definitely wasn't looking good. Even if Valentine's Day was nowhere close to being one of your favourite holidays, you were looking forward to at least seeing a friend on your birthday.

"Yeah, I guess so. On the one day I had plans in the city." You sigh at the thought that seeing your best friend might not be possible anymore.

"I know the feeling," he frowns, somehow still looking just as good as before which is entirely a mystery to you, "I'm also supposed to be in the city tonight."

You nod, then pull out your phone to shoot Yoojin a quick text about the delay. The cold wind sears your hands and you yet again regret wearing so little when you knew this train station didn't have an indoor waiting area.

"So, what are our options for getting out of here now? Do you think the buses are still running because we could probably take one?" he suggests.

The 'we' takes you by surprise, but then you realize that he's probably talking about everyone here. All of the ten or so people that are just stuck at this station in the cold for the next hour.

You grimace at the thought of dissipating his ounce of hope. "Well, the nearest bus station is all the way across town, so by the time we get there maybe the trains will have already started working."

The handsome stranger sighs. "Maybe an Uber then?"

"It'll be rush hour soon so that only works if you want to be going during the most expensive time of day using the most expensive form of transportation."

"Ah, that's true." He looks disappointed. "Hmm, if the trains don't come by the next hour, maybe I'll just head to the bus stop."

Oh how nice it would be to have a car to get there yourself.

Buzz. The phone vibrates in your pocket and you could already imagine how Yoojin would be reacting to your news. Hopefully she hadn't already started on her crazy makeup routine yet, because who knows if your meet-up could actually happen at this rate.

"It's chill, don't worry about it! I'll head to you instead. Text you when I'm near."

Sometimes Yoojin's spontaneity was just what you needed. You message her a quick thanks and then shove the phone into your pocket before your fingers freeze off.

It's quiet for a bit and you almost forget about the handsome stranger entirely until there's a crinkling sound and you find yourself staring at the rose in the pocket of his coat, the clear foil around it blowing gently in the wind. It was on the side facing away from you earlier, which is probably how you didn't notice upon first glance.

Of course, he has a girlfriend. With a face like that, who wouldn't have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend. Maybe even multiple.

"Special occasions, right?" The corners of his lips are curled as if holding back a grin, and like this his dimples are visible.

But why was he still talking to you? You figured he was probably just trying to be friendly seeing as the two of you would be stuck here for an indefinite amount of time. Maybe you'll even become all buddy-buddy by the time this ordeal finishes. While you weren't a fan of small talk or talking to strangers, it was nice to be able to have someone by your side who was experiencing the same struggles.

And besides, he clearly has a girlfriend so there was no point in writing that "strangers to lovers" fan fiction in your head.

You clear your throat. "So... Valentine's date with your girlfriend?"

"Valentine's—" he pauses for a second and you can almost see the gears turning in his head. "Right, it's Valentine's Day today. Nah, I'm celebrating my birthday instead." Then he holds up the rose up and glances at it as if he'd also forgotten about it. "And no girlfriend. This is for my cousin. Her boyfriend's overseas so it's hard for them to meet up, so I thought I would get something nice for her and keep her company."

That actually takes you off guard and causes you to replay the words in your mind to make sure you heard correctly.

"Wait, it's your birthday today? Really?"

He gives you a strange look. "Yeah, there are actually people born on Valentine's Day, believe it or not."

"That's not what I meant—"

"I'm just kidding." His eyes twinkle in amusement. "It's also your birthday today, isn't it?"

"What—how did you know?"

He chuckles. "Your reaction said everything."

"Wow, someone is a smartie."

"What about you? Valentine's or birthday date with your boyfriend?"

"Best friend," you correct him. "And yeah, it's a birthday dinner."

"That's nice. I've actually never met anyone else with a Valentine's Day birthday."

"Honestly, same."

His eyes curve up into crescents as he smiles with his entire body, and it's dazzling and is so bright that it makes you want to stare for just a moment longer. The two of you laugh for a while at that coincidence, still amazed.

"So, how old are you turning?"

You groan, "The age where no one likes you."

"Ah, I just passed that." He wrinkles his nose as if remembering how terrible a year it was. "But hey, can't have no one liking you at that age if no one liked you anyway."

His words immediately put an image of that roll safe meme into your head and you find yourself laughing.

"Wow, those are my thoughts exactly."

The handsome stranger only gives you an innocent shrug. His meme game was on point, and that almost makes your heart flutter for a second. Almost.

Another cold breeze whips your hair into your face and blows straight through your thin tights, making you shiver.

"Hey, um, I hope this isn't too forward... but since we're stuck here anyways for the next while, do you want to possibly go hang out in town?" He bites his lips a little, making his dimples stand out even more. "It just kind of sucks to see our birthdays go to waste like this. Only if you're comfortable with it though, but of course we'll be in public areas the entire time."

You couldn't believe your ears for the second time today.

On one hand, the logical voice in your head was screaming stranger danger because you just met him! You hadn't even exchanged more than a few sentences! On the other hand, you could already picture Yoojin telling you to never waste an opportunity, to go with the flow and live life a little recklessly. To stop waiting for a train that might never come, to stop waiting for perfectly planned moments in life that might never occur.

"So, what do you think?"

Besides, if he's not some crazy serial killer or anything along those lines, the only other danger you could possibly see was getting heartbroken. But of course there's no way you'd fall for a stranger in one day; you didn't believe in love at first sight or fate or whatever other mushy romantic cliches that movies love to portray. This would merely be a fun time between two people who happened to be stuck together because of a train delay, on a day that happened to be both of their birthdays. A simple coincidence, really.

"You know what," you smile. "Screw it. Let's go."

***

The smell of the arcade brings back memories from when you were a child—friends' birthday parties, hangouts in middle school, the occasional school trip. It had been fun as a child even though you hadn't been very good at any of the games and probably never won anything worth keeping. Looking back, you hadn't set foot in this place in years.

"We'll get the one with the most tokens," the handsome stranger—Jaehyun—says to the guy behind the counter, flashing you a smile when you raise an eyebrow at him.

Jaehyun. It had sounded so pretty when he introduced himself.

You'd been afraid that conversation would come out awkward and forced between two strangers brought together by no more than a train delay, not knowing where or when or how to start. But there was actually never a dull moment between the flow of words and laughter that made you feel as if he was someone you've known for a long time. The short walk to the arcade had been spent on reminiscing and comparing past memories of growing up in this town, brainstorming fun places and cool restaurants that you'd been to or have yet to go to, pointing at familiar buildings and telling funny stories about interesting moments spent in there.

"Come on, let's go." He leads the way into the main area where all the action is.

The arcade still looks the same as the last time you were here, though everything seems smaller than you'd remembered it. Bright lights flashing from every machine, loud noises at every corner. So many games that you'd once thought it was impossible to play through all of them.

"Let's start with this one?" You point to the zombie shooting game. It was something that you had always wanted to try as a kid out of pure curiosity, but you'd been too scared to at the time.

"That one? Really?" He raises a brow at your suggestion. "Alright, but I bet I can beat you."

"I would also bet on you winning," you respond dully.

After choosing characters and weapons on screen, the two of you settle in your seats and finally start. It's like watching a horror movie where you expect huge jump scares at every corner except there's no music build-up or anything to warn you that a zombie might just show up. Horror was definitely not your forte but maybe he was better at handling these things than you were.

You get your answer when the first wave of zombies finally show up. Jaehyun screams. You scream.

Somehow you manage to shoot some of them by pure instinct guiding you, however your aim isn't exactly good with your eyes closed half of the time. By the time the screaming dies down and you notice that both your characters had died in the zombie battle, you finally turn to see how he's doing. The way his face is twisted in a mixture of utter shock and horror would've been something to laugh at if you hadn't been just as scared.

"If I recall, someone said they were going to beat me at this," you tease after seeing the final score. Neither of you did particularly well, though your score somehow turned out to be much higher than his.

"You should've given me a warning that it would be this scary."

You burst out laughing at his expression. "I didn't know either!"

That's when you notice how you're clinging to each other. Your hand clutching his arm, his hand right on top of yours.

"Oops, sorry," you mutter and quickly detangle yourself from him.

"It's fine," he says with a laugh. "But yeah, those zombies were next level."

Needless to say, you guys don't go back to that game.

The arcade is quite empty on this afternoon and you're glad that most of the games are unoccupied and can be played right away. Even with everything going well so far, you still have the fear of having awkward silences and uncomfortable conversation.

It's a while later when you try again at a different shooting game, though luckily this time it isn't zombies that you're dealing with, so it isn't scary at all. It's a teamwork game this time, and what surprises you the most is just how good your teamwork turns out to be.

"To your left, in the corner."

"Phew, got him. Thanks," you reply, promptly shooting the character before he could shoot you. "Watch out—right above you."

"Got it."

It lasts a few rounds but you manage to make it to the end and finally clear the game.

Jaehyun's whole face is lit up when he turns to you. "Wow, that was awesome. Great teamwork."

He holds up both his hands for you to high-five, and just as your hands meet his, you can't help but notice the way they linger together a little longer.

Time flies as the two of you go from game to game and you're trying your best to beat him at any game possible. While he does let you win some of the time, more often than not, he ends up winning. Though it's not like you could be upset about it at all when he looked so happy after each win, excitedly showing you his score or prize. It was definitely nice to be as carefree as kids again.

Yet there was something deeper with the adrenaline coursing through your veins and heart racing that it becomes hard to tell whether it may be from the excitement of the games, the warmth of his body right beside you as he patiently teaches you his strategies for winning, the bright smiles that seem to light up his whole face, or those damn dimples.

Why did this Valentine's boy have to be not only heartbreakingly handsome but also incredibly kind and considerate?

"Hey, you want to try one of those?" The sound of Jaehyun's voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you silently pray that you hadn't been staring at him subconsciously. And if you had been staring, hopefully he didn't notice as he's pointing to the line of game stands at the side where the games are always rigged and you can never win big prizes.

"I've never won anything from there before, so I sure hope you're good at those."

He ends up picking a dart game out of all the options, but maybe this one would be easier than the rest.

The man at the dart stand greets you and explains the rules. "Are you trying to win something for your girlfriend?"

"Oh, we're not—" you start but stop as soon as you hear what Jaehyun says instead.

"It's Valentine's Day after all," he says easily then follows with a wink at you.

He didn't deny...?

It's three shots dead center to win one of the biggest prizes or five within the smallest ring. It makes your heart pound a little faster seeing Jaehyun so focused with his nice stance, sleeves rolled up slightly, and intense eyes on the target. However, he misses on the first shot with his dart going off the board.

"Well that's no fun," the man says, frowning at where the dart landed. "I suppose I could give you another chance, since it's Valentine's Day and all. Wouldn't want to end up empty handed, right?" He laughs to himself but puts the dart back in Jaehyun's hand.

"Thank you," he says, flustered judging by the hint of a blush that sweeps his cheeks. "I'm not usually this bad."

"It's okay! You're doing great, sweetie," you joke.

He rolls his eyes at you despite the way his lips curl up at the corners, then gets ready to throw the dart again. And this time? You're sure your jaw is to the floor when he manages to get all three darts to hit the board dead center. The man congratulates him for winning and then they disappear into the back room to pick a prize. Jaehyun later comes out holding the biggest dog plushie you've ever seen.

Once you're back outside after the arcade adventure, that's when he stops and turns to you.

"I wasn't sure what you'd like but I hope this is okay," he says quietly, gingerly handing you the giant plushie.

"It's great, Jaehyun." You meet his gaze as you take the plushie and he quickly looks away. "Thank you."

"You know, I'm really glad we ended up doing this. It's even better than what I had planned originally." Then he adds more quietly, "One of the best birthdays I've had in a while."

"Yeah," you smile. "Me too."

It's only then when you realize that Yoojin and the rest of your plans had totally slipped your mind.

***

It's chilly outside as the two of you walk around town. Valentine's Day decorations were everywhere, with the chalkboard menus of local restaurants featuring couple meal sets with tons of hearts drawn around them, various pink and red plushies lined up on the windowsills of nearby shops, and even lamp posts on the streets covered with mini heart shaped lights. The sight of those things usually would've made you roll your eyes and pretend to puke, but somehow it doesn't seem to bother you quite so much today. It's as if you're seeing everything through a new perspective—one that might find the rosy decorations pretty and one that might understand the hype of such a holiday.

"Y/N," Jaehyun suddenly says, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you to his side. Before you could even react, he's quickly switching positions with you so that you're sheltered between him and the wall of the nearby building.

Then he's turning to you. Hand on the wall behind your head, body leaning towards you.

So close that you could see the individual eyelashes framing his eyes.

But in the next instant he's looking behind him where a car drives by and splashes up a large amount of water from the melting snow on the side of the street. Which lands right where you were standing just a moment ago.

Jaehyun turns back to you, eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you breathe. "Um, are you?"

"That's good." He glances behind him and then reassures you with a quick smile. "And yeah, all good."

"It was a close call. Thanks for saving me."

"Wouldn't want your clothes to be ruined by that." He laughs. "How are you doing though? It's pretty cold out here."

"I'm okay," you automatically reply.

That earns you a skeptical look. "Your cheeks are all red. Come on, let's go warm up somewhere."

When you resume walking, he's taking the outer edge of the sidewalk.

A couple of blocks later is when you find out that the place he had in mind turns out to be the local coffee shop. You'd never been there before but had always thought of it as a cute place when you pass by it, so when you enter, the interior definitely matches up to your expectations. It has a rustic theme with warm glow from fairy lights hanging from the ceiling and there's soft music playing in the background, a nice place to study if it's as empty as today.

Jaehyun buys you your drink. Kind of.

"I bought one, but they gave me one for free," he says, beaming when he comes back to the table with the drinks—a coffee for him and a latte with a cute little heart floating in it for you. "Maybe the barista was charmed by my smile."

"Hmm." You look behind him to see a sign at the front of the store saying, 'Buy one get one free—Valentine's Day special'. "Are you sure it wasn't because of my charming smile?"

"You're right, that could be it. You are quite cute."

"Exactly."

Wait, what did he just say?

You do a double take but he's merely staring back at you with dimples just barely visible and eyes sparkling through thick eyelashes that you could only wish yours looked like.

Suddenly it feels like the heater's on extra high in this cafe or maybe it was the way the latte burns your tongue as you take a big gulp. Whatever it was, it definitely succeeds in warming you up a little too well, especially your face.

"You okay? Don't burn yourself," he says, the amusement in his eyes betraying the concern in his voice.

You nearly spit your drink out at him. "Nah, no burn. I'm good, thanks," you say dryly.

Time seems to slow down as you relax in your seat, body finally warming up in the coziness of the cafe. The small corner you're in almost feels like a liminal space; such a transient place you'd only ever noticed while passing by, yet a whole different world on the inside where one can hide forever. Perhaps you wanted to hide here, to enjoy the fleeting moments of a strange but amazing birthday.

Conversation ebbs and flows though you're a little surprised when Jaehyun opens up about his life. His passion for music, especially, is what picks up traction as he happens to know your favourite group, NCT. From there it becomes a debate of whether Doyoung or Taeyong was the best looking member (you insist that Doyoung's Instagram was all the proof one needed, whereas he points out that Taeyong's sharp jawline could totally cut that VVS diamonds they keep singing about). You definitely don't tell Jaehyun the fact that maybe—just maybe—he's even more attractive than your NCT biases and that he could totally be an actor from a Korean drama.

Everything you hear about him makes you appreciate his vulnerability, yet you can't help but wonder if he's so open with just anybody. You were a complete stranger, after all.

Yet every time you see the twinkle in his eyes when your gaze accidentally meets his, part of you wonders if 'strangers' no longer fits the definition of where this strange relationship was going. It leaves you with wanting to avoid looking at him which is quite difficult with him seated directly across from you. Maybe you should've sat where your plushie was, taking up its own chair between the two of you, but it's too late and now you're left to deal with the audible thud of your heart every time you make eye contact with him.

And yet when you think about it, you realize that it wasn't Jaehyun's cute dimples or his deep voice or his lame jokes that had your nerves acting up.

It was probably the caffeine.

But maybe it was the small things that you hadn't even realized you'd noticed. Earlier at the arcade when he patiently taught you the games that you were unfamiliar with, letting you win games but also winning at them himself just so he could give you the prize. Saving you from a car first then from the cold with the warmth of the cafe. Opening the door for you, sitting closer to the door to block the cold wind from reaching you.

And how despite the number of reschedules and plan cancellations you both had to make due to the train delay, he hasn't pulled his phone out a single time. You admired how in the midst of all the chaos today, he was still nothing but calm and polite the entire time and seemed to have everything under control. He was a comforting presence that made you forget about the madness of the outside world for a little while.

Nah, it had to be the caffeine.

Still, you find yourself glad to be stuck here with him, even as far as dreading when you both had to leave. You're definitely appreciating Yoojin's ability to be late right about now.

A lull in the conversation has you sneaking a glance at your phone to check up on your best friend. There's no text from her as she's either still doing her extravagant makeup or still on her way here, but for some reason you let out the breath you held in relief.

"I wonder if the trains are running now." A glance out the window shows you the remnants of sunset and the quickly darkening skies. Then you cautiously throw out the question that you'd been holding onto for a while. Something that you'd been reluctant to bring up, carefully stepping around it the whole day, and something that he hasn't talked about either. "Oh right, didn't you say you would end up taking a bus? If the delay is still going on."

Maybe it's a test to see his reaction, maybe it's to end this vague relationship before you become even more attached than you already are. Because any rational person wouldn't just throw away all their birthday plans for someone they'd just met.

"Oh. Right." Jaehyun looks down and swirls the stir stick in his drink. Clockwise, counter-clockwise, back and forth. "I, uh, actually forgot that I didn't drive here today." He shoots you a sheepish grin then runs his fingers through his hair that has deflated quite a bit since you first saw him. "So can't exactly drive over to the bus stop."

You smile back weakly. "Ah, that's okay. There's probably a ton of traffic out there now anyways."

An ambiguous answer for an equally ambiguous relationship. It could definitely be a real excuse, yet somehow the thought of that makes you almost disappointed. Maybe there are no answers to the questions and uncertainties muddled in your mind.

"But did you want to get rid of me so fast?" He actually pouts at you, as if his regular face weren't already enough to break hearts.

"What? No, of course not? I—what?" you manage to get out.

"Okay, good!" The pout immediately goes back into his regular smile. "Phew. It's sad enough being single on Valentine's Day; no need to get rejected on top of that."

Then his phone buzzes and it finally pulls it out.

"As if anyone would reject you," you mutter under your breath while he's distracted.

It's true. You might've expected Jaehyun's appearance to be making up for other areas, or maybe even hoping he'd be too rude or too blunt or have a bad character. Because the cognitive dissonance in your head wants a reason or excuse to remain distant and emotionally detached from him. But the kindness and authenticity that you saw today just leaves you without a reason, which makes it that much harder to stop yourself from liking him.

"Sorry about that; what did you say?"

"Nothing!" You plaster on a cheerful smile.

"Okay, my cousin is going to be here soon."

"Oh."

Then there's the sinking of your heart, the inevitable dread that this unexpectedly enjoyable afternoon is coming to an end. Somehow it manages to crush the anticipation you had for your birthday celebration with Yoojin.

"You know, I kind of feel bad that you paid for everything today," you say. "Let me pay you back?"

"It's fine, Y/N. We had fun and that's all that matters."

"True, but you should've at least let me buy the drinks!"

That manages to make him smile but it quickly dies as he bites his lip, suddenly hesitant. "If you really want to..."

"Yes!"

"...you could just pay next time."

What.

"Next time?" you repeat, afraid to believe what you were hearing.

"I mean, if you—maybe—want to hang out again sometime?"

You open your mouth to say something, or maybe it was already open in your state of shock. Nothing comes out as if you lost your voice.

Jaehyun briefly meets your eyes before continuing. "Well, um—I just wanted to say that I had a really good time with you today. I know the train thing was probably an inconvenience to everyone else but to be honest, I'm kind of glad that happened." He laughs a little. Stops. Bites his lip. "And yeah, if you're down, we could hang out again sometime. Because I'd love to get to know you better."

Thud.

You could only stare back at him as the roaring of your pulse becomes all you can hear. The whole day you were telling yourself that it shouldn't be possible to develop feelings for someone within a day, almost trying to hold yourself back from enjoying your time with him to the fullest in the fear that you might be wrong. And it's not like you developed crushes very easily, but here in front of you was a boy so friendly and good-natured even to a stranger he'd just met, someone who really seemed to care about you.

"Jaehyun..."

He continues, "I know it's weird meeting like this, and I don't really believe in this whole fate thing where we just happened to be stuck here and we happen to have the same birthday. All I can say is that I really enjoyed talking to you and hearing your thoughts and um, youknowyou'rereallybeautiful."

The logical inner voice had been screaming stranger danger the entire time because you didn't know him at all! You'd just met him today! Yet the small fic writer voice in your head, which definitely sounded a lot like your best friend's voice, was trying to convince you that maybe fate does exist. That if it doesn't, how likely was it that you met someone with the same birthday which happened to be Valentine's Day? That you met at exactly the right time and that the train the two of you were going to take was delayed? That you managed to have one of the best birthdays that you could recall?

Maybe sometimes you need to let go of any fears and just live life to its fullest. Let yourself feel a wide range of emotions without being afraid of getting heartbroken. Stop holding back and just be true to yourself.

It suddenly feels too hot in the cafe once again.

"Yeah," your voice comes out quiet, unsteady, but his words give you the courage to reach over to hesitantly take his hand. "Today has been amazing and I'm so thankful that you're the one I was stuck with."

His eyes flicker to yours then away. "But...?"

"There is no 'but'. Jaehyun, I'd love to see you again."

"Yeah?" He lets out a long exhale before his face visibly brightens again. "That's a relief. I didn't think you would agree, but I didn't want to have you walk out of my life just like that."

Then there isn't a need for any more words as shy smiles are exchanged and fleeting gazes meet and there's a warmth bubbling in your chest. It's as if you spent the whole day worrying over nothing. That somehow, everything worked out. That maybe it was fate, and maybe it wasn't, but the connection you thought you felt wasn't just one-sided. It was something real, something tangible.

"Jeong Jaehyun!"

The booming voice jolts the two of you out of the moment and makes you immediately spring apart.

"Did you seriously make me take the train all the way here just for you? Who is this girl because she better be real nice for you to ditch me—" The loud voice from the woman walking into the cafe stops right when her eyes land on you. She smiles sheepishly, dipping her head lightly as if apologizing for her outburst. "Never mind; forget I said anything. I approve."

"Nice to see you too, Minah," Jaehyun greets as you both stand. You can see how his face is still flushed from earlier, but now he's put on a neutral expression again and what you'd seen just a moment ago has been erased. "Don't worry, I won't make you take the train back. I'll drive you home after."

"Oh, you have the car. Bless." Minah brushes her hair back, tidying it from the effects of the wind. Then she stops suddenly and narrows her eyes at him. "Wait, why didn't you just drive over if the trains stopped working?"

"You—have the car? I thought you said you got a ride," you muse out loud.

"Oh, uh. Actually I forgot I had it since I usually get a ride here and it would've taken too long to drive there in rush hour anyway... so... yeah..." He trails off and shifts his weight from one foot to another, and it's even more evident how flushed his face is, from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

You hear a snort and see Minah practically shaking with quiet laughter.

"Y/N!" The bell at the door rings again as Yoojin steps into the cafe, bringing a rush of cold air in with her. "There you are! And oh—" she stops mid-sentence when she spots you with Jaehyun, his cousin, and the massive plushie sitting in its own chair. "Minah?"

"Yoojin?"

"You guys know each other?" you ask tentatively.

"We were friends in high school!" Yoojin replies. Then gives you a questioning look. "Minah, it's been so long. We should totally catch up."

Minah nods enthusiastically, jumping up to give Yoojin a warm hug. "Totally!" Then she briefly glances at Jaehyun. "Well, I was supposed to have dinner with my little cousin over here but if you and your friend are free, then we could all go somewhere together?"

"How about we head over to that cute little diner that was our hangout spot for the longest time?" Yoojin suggests with a glance over at you and Jaehyun.

Minah squeals. "Let's do it; it'd be just like old times!"

"Actually, if you don't mind, I wanted to borrow Y/N for a bit," Jaehyun says. "We'll let you guys catch up in peace without a third and four wheel."

"Yoojin, we can always hang out another time if you want to go with Minah."

Your best friend looks at you suspiciously with her eyes narrowed. "Hmm, yeah that works. I'll call you later and you better give me all the details though."

"Okay, deal."

And with that, they both head for the door. Yoojin turns to give you one last wink before they're gone.

"I guess it's just us." Jaehyun's eyes are sparkling when they meet yours and he gives a gentle smile before shyly holding you hand. "We're probably too late for my reservation, but there are some good food places not too far from here."

"So..."

"Have dinner with me?"

"Hmm, I thought you didn't have your car here."

He looks pained. "Y/N!"

"I'm just kidding! I'm actually starving so let's go."

***

It's hours of delicious food, good conversation, and shy glances later that he finally drops you off at home. When your phone buzzes this time, it's not from Yoojin—it's a text from an unknown number followed by an image attachment.

"I have a feeling this is very false for you :)" it reads. And your heart skips a beat when you see the image.

It's the "no one likes you when you're 23" meme.

On the day of your 23rd birthday, you definitely weren't expecting anyone to like you, just as you haven't for the past 22 years. But with the words in Jaehyun's text that you read and reread, the light fragrance of the rose now in your vase and the giant plushie on your bed, and your mind replaying his bright smile and dimples and the sparkle in his eyes, it seemed like today was different.

Maybe today, someone just might like you when you're 23.

#jaehyun fic #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x you #jeong jaehyun #nct fic #nct x reader #nct x you #valentines day fic #jaehyun fluff #loosely based on real life events #not that i met jaehyun but he did come to my city #ANYWAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY JAE BAEEEE #happyjaehyunday #Extra RushedTM #how many times did i rewrite this in the past day hmm #nearly pulled two allnighters wow #ok yolo if no one reads this it's 7k of me figuring out #how to write dialogue tags hAHAHA #my fic

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writing-fool · 4 years ago

Text

mlqc | let’s hit rewind

What kind of videos would the MLQC guys make if they were YouTubers? I think this is a youtube!au, but to be fair, Kiro probably has a YouTube channel in canon. See it as you will? I won’t really talk about their life outside of YT/internet so you can decide for yourself whether this is an AU or not, and whether they’re a full-time YouTuber or not.

As always, enjoy, and requests are open!

Love,

Warning(s): none

Victor

Victor probably has a cooking channel

scratch that. he absolutely starts as one of those Aesthetic™ cooking channels like Cooking tree, HANSE, Sweet The MI or Nino’s Home.

his channel is called Souvenir because he’s not THAT original you can’t expect everything from a man, people.

he starts off doing these voiceless cooking videos, but after a voice and face reveal at 2 million followers where he cooks something for his followers as a thanks...well, who wouldn’t want more of that sultry voice and glorious face

currently has about 4 million subscribers

Victor’s channel is kind of comparable to Junskitchen, a rather relaxed, casual atmosphere combined with exquisite, refined cuisine

if he feels like it, he does a voice-over, otherwise he just puts calm jazz, blues or r&b over his cooking

HAS done an ASMR special. low-key dislikes the video because he has to whisper voice-overs but people LOVE it

likes making all kinds of foods, but his channel features quite a lot of sweet foods and desserts because a certain dummy has a sweet tooth

a pretty popular feature during quarantine is Cooking w/ Sou, essentially a live stream where Sou (aka Victor) cooks a whole three-course meal while talking to and instructing his followers

his subscribers notice that he doesn’t really need editing to look clean during cooking because his technique is IMMACULATE

by the end, he’s made a themed dinner for two...which always raises a question mark

is Sou single? does he have a roommate? a girlfriend? a kid? WHAT?

after getting your explicit permission, Victor addresses the situation in one of his recent Q&As

“Why do I always make dinner for two? I have a fiancée, she edits my videos in her spare time. She works as a producer. *you wave your hand over the lens* Dummy.” he breezes over it like it’s no big deal even though he’s a tad nervous about exposing something personal like this

his fans blow up the internet, baffled but not entirely surprised that someone like Sou isn’t a bachelor

of course, some leave hate under the video honestly, people who do this to celebs who start dating are HORRIBLE

most subscribers are super supportive of your relationship and thank you for the editing that makes Souvenir such a well put-together channel...also did he seriously call his fiancée a dummy? such a tsundere!

sometimes, you’ll (well, your hands...we’re keeping a bit of privacy here) even be in the end shot of videos, munching away at the carefully plated food

one day, Sou will be making a video titled Wedding Cake.

Lucien

Lucien’s channel LucidLight is a tad bit all over the place

he’s a man of many talents, and his channel reflects just that

i’m not saying it’s a disorganized channel, because the theme is very much there - the uniform theme in Luci’s content is a cozy background, a cup of tea and a soothing thumbnail

i mean that content-wise, his subscribers don’t really know what they’re going to get next...he has a slightly similar style to the YouTuber simon plant

his content varies from interesting science theories to poetry reading sessions to ASMR to painting/sketching to cooking and much, much more

he has an heavenly soothing, smooth voice. it’s his trademark since Lucien doesn’t show his face on camera. ever.

doesn’t have a TON of subs, because his channel is a bit of a niche thing, but I’d say he has 1,2 million subscribers and 400k followers on his added ‘business’ Instagram

he holds a lot of live streams on Instagram/YouTube (i know Moments exists in the game, but that’s more like a Facebook or Twitter kind of app...) and is always shown with just his torso and neck in frame. the lives usually include some poetry reading and generally just having a nice, relaxing chat with his followers. they can last up to 5 hours at once, and YOU know it’s because he doesn’t need sleep like a normal human being, but his fans are still asking questions about his timezone

his subscribers are strangely fascinated by his mysterious, gentle nature and also incredibly obsessed with his large, elegant hands

his ASMR videos are often roleplays of Librarian Lucien or Professor Lucien explaining to people why their rest is important

other times, they include soft affirmations, positive whispers, finger fluttering, hair touching and maybe kissing sounds...

Lucien paints a lot too, although he works primarily with ink and pencil sketches. you’ll find a watercolour or oil painting somewhere, but they’re not his most prominent media

his art videos are usually silent, although he might say something once in a while. there’s always some type of solo instrumental music playing in the background.

he does educational videos about biology and universe theories, but will also have reading sessions about scientific books

not intentionally secretive about your relationship, but he’s not one to mention it either

the first time you appeared on screen was when he was doing another live stream. he’s in his office talking about a play, when you come padding in to bid him goodnight.

“Yes, indeed. Laura’s glass menagerie, as the play suggests, is a symbol of fragility. Laura herself is very frail, but her favourite—”

“Good night, darling.” your soft voice rings through the room. viewers see Lucien’s torso turning a little bit, a hand on his shoulder and a curtain hair appearing from the top of the screen. his hand moves, presumably to cup the person’s cheek, before a soft kiss is heard through the mic. “Sleep tight, my love,” he murmurs.

“Ah. Laura’s favourite glass figurine is the unicorn, which...”

people are in uproar, but Lucien is a strong-willed man who refuses to explicitly announce the nature of his relationship.

his subscribers stop asking after a while, because it really isn’t any of their business, and they now know Lucien’s a taken man

you kind of appear on live streams accidentally a couple more times, but nothing’s really changed about Lucien’s content

the only thing he WILL say, and this is purely to give you credit, is “Ah. The background instrumentals in my art videos are played live. Yes, my lover’s very talented.”

you guys are the mysterious, talented, soft-voiced power couple of YouTube

Gavin

Gavin’s channel probably starts as a joint channel with you, something like Rachel and Jun

it’s relatively obvious from the start that Gavin from Birds&Cops is in a relationship, since you guys have a vlogging-style channel

your channel is filled with gym vlogs, travel vlogs to other countries and a lot of self-defence and sport at home videos.

you guys also post a lot of funny vlogs talking about your day, going on fun dates, of course food vlogs in restaurants, all that stuff...

you often sit down and talk about your life, and maybe you’ll even do a mukbang during it for someone so fit, Gavin does eat a lot of food.

Gavin’s channel didn’t blow up right away, because vlogging channels aren’t exactly unique, and he looks like the typical ‘straight boy with a girlfriend’

but he started gaining followers after people noticed how cute and blushy he acts, and how incredibly respectful and caring he is towards you

one of the most popular videos is Boyfriend Does My Makeup and it’s adorable. Gavin’s handling your face with so much care, and comments like “I know what this is, I’ve watched you do it many times.” or “Babe, does it hurt? Should I be more gentle? I’m sorry...my hands are rough.” make everyone SWOON

toxic masculinity left the chat. Gavin loves taking care of you in any way, whether it’s getting pads, chocolate and hot packs during your period or braiding your hair

in those yoga/celebrity fitness routine challenges, subs get to see Gavin in a tight singlet and sweatpants/shorts, and it’s HOLY

you’re very much aware of the attention Gavin receives from female fans, and how lucky you are to have found such a sweet partner

Gavin will usually see this type of comment while scrolling and will turn to you and go “Babe, you know I’m the lucky one here, right?”

anyways, a feature that you do to show fans the extent of Gavin’s sweet personality is Pranking My Boyfriend, where you set up the camera for a harmless prank like pretending to have a nightmare (similar to channels like Farina Jo)

that particular video was so fun to shoot, because it ended up with Gavin softly singing a lullaby to calm you down in his arms

“Baby, wake up. I’m here, you’re safe.” Gavin knows how to deal with panicking people, but he hates this prank afterwards because ‘he didn’t like seeing you in pain’

fans squealed. Birds&Cops gained like 50k subs through that video. the channel’s currently at 999k subscribers

overall, it’s just a really lovely, family-friendly channel

Kiro

Kiro knows his way around the web, alright?

not even just as Key, but he’s had a YouTube channel since the age of 15

his channel, CtrlAltChips is a hit with many people of many, many ages

he streams gaming sessions on Twitch and posts them on his YouTube channel afterwards

other content includes (primarily) covers & original songs, simple talking videos, thrifting & fashion videos, mukbangs and candid dance videos in a studio

think of chloe moriondo, doddleoddle, Victor the Drum Destroyer and Cat Strat

alternatively, for the ARMYs here, think of Jeon Jungkook as a YouTuber

Kiro has about 18 million subscribers, which is A LOT, but he’s been on YouTube for 7 years and he’s made a name for himself as a super likeable and bubbly guy with an angelic voice and killer moves

you’d think he’s just a cute boy when he sings acoustic covers, but his dance moves suggest that he’s not THAT cute

also how does he stay so fit with all those snack mukbangs?

he has a segment named In Our Kloset where he talks about social issues (because our boy uses his platform for good) around the world while customizing (not just pins. we’re talking patches, sewing, painting, embroidery) thrifted clothing to his liking. at the end he holds a little fashion show with his new outfits

after a while, you’ll see many of his outfits in giveaways or on sale for charity. Kiro tries to give back to his fans as much as he can, and how better than by sharing a piece of his unique clothing with them?

a great singer and performer. has held actual concerts before and has an actual music career (author-nim leaves it up to you readers to decide whether this is his idol career or some other musical project)

keeps his private life PRIVATE. he knows how the internet works, and he knows there’s no way he can keep your relationship a secret forever, but he’s not about to expose it to the world because of that reason

keeps tabs on information or rumours regarding you and makes them vanish

he’s simultaneously the most open and the most secretive out of the four boys. his fans know his favourite colour, what type of underwear he wears (trunks. Kiro wears trunks.), his birthday,...

but they know nothing about his past, his location, his close social circle or his family (teeechnically he’s an orphan but ig we’re talking about his mentor here. the blood of the covenant blah blah blah...y’know?). Kiro protects his loved ones fiercely

for someone who’s kept so secret, you’re actually really involved in Kiro’s virtual persona. you’re usually behind the camera during his In Our Kloset videos and are in charge of extra research regarding topics so he doesn’t spread any misinformation

you also give pointers during filming (of course, these bits are edited out) because Kiro tends to trail off and get distracted when sewing

another way you’re involved is setting up the food during mukbangs. you have a great sense of aesthetics, so all of his videos in general will go through you.

while you like being low-key in Kiro’s life, you don’t want him to feel like he has to protect you from all the hate.

he doesn’t particularly love keeping you a secret either, and it makes him feel guilty because he doesn’t want you to think he’s ashamed of you. he could never be.

you guys give it a good chat over how you’re going to announce it, and he just ends up making a video titled Miss Chips where the two of you sit down and talk to the camera

“Hello my little chips! Uhm, as you can see, there’s someone sitting next to me today. Maybe you already guessed from the title, but this is...my girlfriend, Miss Chips,” cue the cute jazz hands in your direction, “We’ve been dating for a long, loooong time, right, Miss Chips?”

“I just wanted to share this with you guys, since it felt wrong to keep such an important person in my life private. I hope you’re all kind to her, because I love her dearly, even to the point of giving up my snacks...so it’s serious.”

it really is that serious, hm?

Hope you enjoyed reading!

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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 3 years ago

Text

Cristina Scabbia x Diablo: Inside metal and gaming’s most devilish crossover yet

Outstanding hack-and-slash remaster Diablo II: Resurrected isn’t just about polishing up the beloved original’s relentless fire and brimstone. In a striking collaboration with Lacuna Coil songstress Cristina Scabbia and bizarro YouTube star Mark The Hammer, it’s inspired the latest crossover between video games and heavy music, too…

When Cristina Scabbia first picked up the joypad, she had no idea she was steering herself onto a path that would still be throwing up juicy side-missions three decades down the line. A young teenager in northern Italy during the mid-’80s first generation video game boom, the future Lacuna Coil frontwoman didn’t have the spare cash for the cutting-edge equipment of the time, whose 128-colour palettes and blocky two-dimensional sprites felt utterly futuristic. When a local friend powered up David Crane’s 1982 masterpiece Pitfall! on their Atari 2600, however, it opened the doors to another world.

“I’ve been a gamer for quite a while,” her eyes light up at the memory. “I love video games. I love what you can learn from them. I love the stories they tell…”

Few games are as darkly compelling as Blizzard Entertainment’s legendary Diablo series. Bringing to life the dark fantasy realm of Sanctuary – a midpoint between the High Heavens and Burning Hells – its trio of classic titles chronicle the eternal conflict between mankind and the demonic legions led by Diablo, fearsome Destroyer Of Souls. When David Brevik’s original landed in 1996, it was a literal game-changer for the industry, raising the bar in terms of depth and detail, storytelling and character-building. 2000’s Diablo II raised it again, still revered by hardcore gamers as the greatest action-RPG of all, while 2012’s Diablo III brought the franchise into the modern era.

Fittingly, it’s against that shadowy backdrop that Cristina joins us today, to discuss Start Again, her musical collaboration with the minds behind thrilling 3D, HD remaster Diablo II: Resurrected.

Speaking from her high-backed gaming chair in front of an impressive PC set-up this morning, she looks ready for battle. A laid-back, dressed-down counterpart to her imposing onstage alter-ego, she is surrounded by stacks of proudly-displayed paraphernalia, from a plushie of Gremlins’ Gizmo and photos of her band, to figurines of her favourite virtual characters, spare controllers, and the ubiquitous energy drink refrigerator.

Anyone familiar with Cristina’s Twitch streams wondering if this might be a carefully-arranged studio space should think again. “It’s actually part of my living room,” she laughs. “There’s this big table that was supposed to be for dinners with friends, but as we would go out to eat instead, I decided to use it for something that I like, and filled it with computers, monitors and consoles.

“It’s where I play. It’s where I stream from. It’s the safe space.”

Diablo’s heroes work best when joining forces, and 30 minutes further north, in the town of Saronno, we meet Marco Arata – AKA YouTube sensation Mark The Hammer – Cristina’s collaborator on Start Again, and a playful like mind. “I was three years old when I first played on a Game Boy,” he smiles into the light of a bank of monitors, “and I never stopped.”

For readers not in the know, Mark is the uber-talented multi-instrumentalist who’s gained a reputation for uploading incisive, tongue-in-cheek videos to YouTube like Irritating Guitar Lessons and How To Create A Black Metal Song… Without Any Talent. Learning piano aged eight, he quickly graduated to electric guitar, bass and drums. He’s since been picked up as the live guitarist/keyboardist for Italian pop-hip-hop icon J‑Ax. The main Mark The Hammer YouTube channel has more than half a million subscribers, while its English-language alternative boasts close to 100,000.

Both accomplished, analytical, artistic minds, it feels key to Start Again’s success that the duo see gaming as a chance to switch off – less interested in graphics and game engines than narrative drive and world-building.

“Whenever you listen to a song as a musician, you have your brain working, thinking about what exactly is going on,” explains Mark. “I’m a big fan of acting and drama, too, and the same thing applies when you watch a movie. But when you pick up that game pad, you’re able to relax and [switch that part of your brain off]. It’s the only thing in my life that I can really say is completely relaxing.”

“I know that some people prefer creating groups or being part of a competition,” agrees Cristina, noting that Diablo, in particular, fits her play style “but I’m more of a selfish, solitary player. I don’t want to feel that competition while I play. I want to be able to relax and do things at my own pace, to have my own rhythm. I don’t necessarily think of games as an escape. For me, it’s a different world that I want to be part of, [parallel to] the real world. It’s not that I want to [run away and] live in the video game world. But when I’m playing, I want to stay there, I want to focus on what’s happening – I want to absorb all the vibes. It’s not just something that you’re watching: you’re part of it. You can choose your character. You can increase your power. You can pick your path and select your sides.

“There are things about this world that non-gamers could never really understand…”

Like all the best quests, it began with a message from out of the blue. Mark recalls the sense of absurdity, watching an email drop into his inbox that he couldn’t quite believe was real. “I remember opening the message and seeing that it was an opportunity to write [a song inspired by Diablo II] for the release of Diablo II: Resurrected. Oh, yeah, and you’ll have Cristina Scabbia from Lacuna Coil doing vocals. I was just like ‘What?!’”

Having dropped video game soundtrack cover albums Hammer Games Vols 1 and 0 in 2015 and 2016 respectively, Mark had pedigree in the field, but he struggled to comprehend the opportunity for such a high-profile collaboration.

“This is the game that I bought as a 14-year-old when it first came out back in the year 2000,” he fishes out his original CD-ROM jewel case for an unsubtle flex, “and you’re asking me to write an official song to go with it? That in itself is mind-blowing. But to be able to do that with the greatest singer in Italian metal?! I thought it was some sort of strange spam at first. When I realised that it wasn’t, it became amazing on so many levels.”

Not a huge fan of YouTube (nor, presumably, of the hack-and-slash sub-genre), Cristina’s manager didn’t quite know what to make of the invitation. Fortunately, having followed one of Lacuna Coil’s old guitarists through a laptop screen and into Sanctuary all those years ago, and already a fan of Mark’s videos, she didn’t take much convincing.

“I was just like, ‘Mark The Hammer? I follow him!’” she grins. “Then, when they told me the project was to write a song for Diablo II: Resurrected, I immediately said yes. If you look back at interviews that I did years ago, whenever they asked me what dream I had or what is missing from my body of work, I’ve always said that I’d like to write something for a video game. When this came along, it was like, ‘Hello…’”

Cristina admits that she struggled with writer’s block over lockdown. Having watched her native Italy become one of the first countries crippled by the spread of COVID-19, she was unwilling to create music with the power to transport her back to those most troubled of times. Compared to the glacial pace of the music industry over the last 18 months, however, dropping in at crunch time in a massive game’s release schedule came as an invigorating change of pace. The first message exchanged between Cristina and Mark was on August 23, with the song due online to coincide with Diablo II: Resurrected’s launch exactly a month later.

“When you have a deadline, it can either throw you down or really speed everything up and add an excitement,” Cristina muses. “For us, it was definitely the latter. We were perhaps a little bit tense about not knowing each other. Any time you’re working with someone new, you ask yourself these questions: ‘Is he going to be nice? Is he going to be an asshole? Is he going to have the same ideas that I have? The same creativity? The same speed?’

“As soon as we started to text, though, I realised that Mark was really relaxed, really funny. He’s like me. We would send and receive messages in the middle of the night, and get immediate replies. It was like we’d opened the floodgates on an ocean of ideas.”

A high level of fandom was pivotal. Diablo’s angels and monsters – Greater and Lesser Evils – seem like characters lifted from metal album covers to begin with, and the chaotic action that spills from the streets of Tristram and the slopes of Mount Arreat that go down into the depths of Hell could hardly be better suited to metalheads who’re never happier than when throwing down in the pit. Cristina and Mark’s preferred player classes – Sorceress and Barbarian, respectively – even mirror their onstage personas. To simply phone in the sort of crowd-pleasing banger either of these musicians could write in their sleep would be to do the project a deep disservice.

Cristina reckons that if Diablo were a band, it would be either Judas Priest – all OTT outfits, pointy edges and demonic imagery – or Rammstein, spewing sheer pyrotechnic bombast. Mark contends that the larger-than-life, battle-obsessed aesthetic of Iron Maiden might be a better match, pointing out that many of the most monstrous iterations of Ed The Head wouldn’t look out of place in its deepest dungeons. We’d argue that the ominous, folky atmospherics of peak Opeth even more closely evoke the playing experience, echoing Matt Uleman’s iconic original score.

In the same way that Diablo II: Resurrected marks an upgrade for players in 2021 while maintaining the original’s dark heart – dynamic lighting, three-dimensional rendering and high-definition presentation bringing the action sharply up to date – this song needed to pay respect while still packing enough heft to make an impact on metal fans in 2021.

“Diablo is such an iconic game,” nods Mark. “I knew the original score. I knew the original atmosphere. I knew where it had to go, more or less. But it was a challenge to make something new while paying respect to the original. There were parts where I wasn’t sure where I was going, but as soon as Cristina got really into the project and added her vocals, it felt like everything [clicked].”

“Mark’s involvement was crucial,” Cristina presses. “Looking at that original soundtrack, I was thinking, ‘This is such a classic – it’s so iconic – but it’s not singable.’ It felt like putting a voice over the top would ruin it. But as soon as I heard the music that Mark had written, it changed everything. He made it singable. He created so many different parts, that offered so many different scenes, so many different moods. There are atmospheric parts, but there are also heavier parts. It’s like a journey, from beginning to end…”

Part sweeping re-score, part fan’s perspective love letter, part limb-swinging metal banger, the finished track feels like a striking bridge between worlds. Is the aim for fans who’ve yet to discover the pleasures of metal or gaming to be able to walk across it?

“The worlds of metal and gaming have always been strongly connected,” reckons Cristina, highlighting the fact that they’re both tightly-knit outsider communities fascinated by the dark and fantastical, which can appear intimidating to outsiders looking in. Although she and Mark will happily welcome new fans, the main priority was to write a great song, hopefully tightening the bond between communities that already exists. “It’s a lifestyle,” she gestures. “If you see a metalhead, there’s a strong chance you’ll be able to talk about games – or vice-versa.”

Indeed, the lines have increasingly blurred over the last couple of decades. Countless rockers found their way into the world via the legendary Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater soundtracks. The Guitar Hero franchise brought songs as unusual DragonForce’s Through The Fire And The Flames, Lamb Of God’s Laid To Rest and Slayer’s Raining Blood – not to forget Lacuna Coil’s Closer – into the non-metalhead sphere. Celebrities as high profile as Tenacious D’s Jack Black have spearheaded their own digital-metal crossovers, while Avenged Sevenfold’s M. Shadows cropped up as a playable character in Call Of Duty: Black Ops 4. Gamers have even increasingly taken to wearing branded T‑shirts a la those of their favourite bands, enabling them to recognise each other on the street.

On the other side of the coin, bleeding-edge artists like The Armed, Refused and Run The Jewels have recently been inspired to write specifically for games. Svalbard’s Serena Cherry just started a one-woman black metal side-project called Noctule, dedicated to her favourite epic RPG. Hell, Cristina even tells us that pounding compositions by djent-influenced video game soundtrack maestro Mick Gordon are amongst the most listened on her personal playlist.

It’s down to a change in perspective, Cristina reckons, where intelligent eye for detail is now considered every bit as cool as a debauched hell-raiser attitude. Games’ intricate storytelling and epic design are recognised as on par with the finest parts of cinema, and e‑sports competitions regularly boast larger prize pots than those of their athletic counterparts.

“I was always part of the nerd world,” she says, with more than a hint of vindication. “A few years ago, it felt like it was almost something to be ashamed of to admit that you’re a nerd, as if you had this weird, ridiculous aura. But now, everybody – all these people who were never interested – seem to want to be involved in this world. I [sometimes think], ‘Nah, you need to prove you’re really into it…’”

She’s not kidding. As if that massive cache of gaming equipment – from the original PlayStation to countless Game Boys and computer components – wasn’t proof enough, Cristina has even appeared as playable character The Shadow Sorceress in Iron Maiden’s ever-evolving Legacy Of The Beast mobile game. “It was such an honour, such a pleasure to create my own character and give all the directions for the outfit, which was basically the outfit I was wearing on the last Lacuna Coil tour before lockdown,” she grins.

Going even geekier, Lacuna Coil also just launched their own Horns Up tabletop card game, where players must fight their way to the front of the stage. “It’s something we’re all really interested in, but particularly our bassist Maki [Coti Zelati],” Cristina continues. “Every card is related to metal clichés. We even gave our fans the opportunity to see themselves on one of the cards…”

Although Lacuna Coil maintained their high-drama presence with September 2020’s Black Anima: Live From The Apocalypse stream and June 2021’s live album of the same name, Cristina was keen to use the time off to introduce fans to her character away from the band, emboldened to set up her own channel on Twitch.

“I just wanted to learn new things which could enrich my baggage of knowledge,” she enthuses. “I’m already singing, already writing, but I don’t want to fixate on those. Life is made up of so many different things that can enrich my music and my creativity. I was already a Twitch user, watching other people play games, but I didn’t know what my purpose was. I almost felt scared at first. I am a singer. I am somehow an entertainer. I like to talk, which is clear. But it’s different when you’re talking to a lot of people for a couple of hours – or more!

“Eventually, I decided to keep it as informal as I could so that people could see how Cristina is at home. Cristina isn’t just the singer of Lacuna Coil: I have a house, I have a life, I have passions, I have my own personality. I just wanted people to discover that. Luckily they also like this quirky side of me, which feels like the opposite that dark goth lady that so many people know. As much as I didn’t have purpose in the beginning, there’s now such a strong community every time I go online – such a clean place to exchange good vibes!”

Even the persistent undertones of sexism and misogyny that have plagued gaming, she pushes, are a speed bump to be put in the rearview, comparable to what she experienced when first making her name in heavy music.

“In metal, I encountered the same problem,” she explains, bluntly. “[Women becoming a major presence in the community] was something new, and when something is new, people have suspicions and doubts. They don’t know how to deal with it. But there are a lot of female gamers now, and a lot of females in metal. It’s been normalised, which it should be, because games and metal are for everyone.”

As the world comes back up to speed, hectic schedules mean that attention is turning away from screens, and back towards studio and stage. Mark is churning out more and more top-class YouTube content. Cristina has a packed diary, with a tribute concert for late collaborator Franco Battiato at the spectacular Arena di Verona this week, and another secretive collaboration in the works, not to mention writing for Lacuna Coil’s 10th LP, which has just begun – her creative fires reignited by bringing Start Again to life.

Having dipped toes in the video game world, though, they’re both keen to return.

“I really hope we do,” Cristina says. “As a fan of video games, it’s such a great chance to bring together these different passions in your life. There are so many different things I’d like to do, and places I’d like to explore in this world, but time is limited!”

“I loved the challenge here, and the process of collaboration,” nods Mark. “If we could work together again when it comes time to make Diablo IV, that would be amazing. I’d love the opportunity to have my own playable character in an Iron Maiden video game, too, but I’m not sure that’s achievable!”

“I thought the same thing,” grins Cristina, ever adventurous, as we wave farewell. “Never say never!”

Diablo II: Resurrected is out now on Nintendo Switch, PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox X/S and PC.

#Cristina Scabbia #DoD collaborations #2021 interviews #diablo ii resurrected

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sineala · 4 years ago

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Hey! I know you've received asks about long distance relationships before but I hope you don't mind if I ask, too :) The thing is a bit complicated and I need some advice, and your story is just so beautiful I'm like, "please adopt me!!" There's this person on tumblr whom I have a crush on, sort of: we've never actually interacted because I don't have a tumblr account but she posts a lot of things I love and info on herself too, so I feel like I know her. 1/2

2/2 I'm ace and never dated, which is a problem because I don't really know what to do, and I'm also very shy, but... the question is... what can I do? i can't just send her a message and say, "I have a crush on you, but you don't know anything of me. Can we try to date?" But on the other hand I really don't know how to start talking to her... :( sorry, I'm just an awkward human being... and thank you for listening to my problems! But of course feel free to ignore me. Take care ❤️

Okay. Wow. This is a lot, anon. I had to think for a while about how to say this as nicely as I possibly can, but: I don't think you should do what you're asking me how to do. At all. I don't think your feelings are bad or wrong or invalid, and I get why you feel the way you do, but there's really not a good, kind, or fair way to get the outcome that you want. You can try to make friends with her if you legitimately want to be friends with her, but you can't be friends with her for the purpose of dating her.

I have more to say under the Read More.

You might find it helpful to read something about the concept of parasocial relationships. The tl;dr version is that parasocial relationships are relationships that an audience experiences with people like celebrities or performers. You, the audience member, don't actually interact personally with the person you have this parasocial relationship with -- everything you know about them is because you actually know the persona they are adopting for public consumption, rather than the person themselves -- but you feel like you know them anyway.

I'm not saying that parasocial relationships are bad. They can be good! They can be positive! I'm pretty sure we all have them. Heck, media fandom is basically us having massive numbers of parasocial relationships with fictional characters! Parasocial relationships can be great and inspiring! Having a favorite character or a favorite celebrity can make you really happy! Do I have parasocial relationships too? Yeah, sure, you bet. The Goodreads review I have that has garnered the most likes is the one that is approximately 50% me explaining that I have a giant crush on Rachel Maddow. I have never met Rachel Maddow. I obviously do not know the real Rachel Maddow, and I would not want to actually for-real date her even if both of us were single. I can just be happy reading her books and watching her TV show. There's a video game I like to play, Slay The Spire, and I have a favorite Slay The Spire streamer on Twitch, and at this point I have probably watched hundreds of hours of this dude playing video games, and because of that, I know a lot of random facts about this guy's life. Does he seem like he'd be cool to hang out with? Yeah, sure. Have I ever interacted with him in any way other than subscribing to his YouTube channel? Nope! I don't even have a Twitch account! Do I know him as a person? Absolutely not.

I'm saying all this because social media is a place you can have parasocial relationships, and the relationship you have with this Tumblr user is parasocial. (Incidentally, the relationship you have with me is also parasocial; I mention this because I feel like you should know that asking me to adopt you is coming on a little too strong, as an opening interaction. I don't mean to make you feel bad about this, and I'm sorry if I have, but since you're asking about how to interact with people you've never spoken to before, you should probably know that.)

It basically comes down to this: you don't actually know this person, but you feel like you do because you've read her Tumblr. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. That's not a criticism. That's not a value judgment. I mean, technically, you don't know me either. That's just not the kind of relationship that I have with you, or that you have with her. It's parasocial, not reciprocal. And you really need to keep that in mind.

Can you form reciprocal relationships with people you have parasocial relationships with? I mean, yeah, maybe, depending on the person. And the answer to how you do that is basically the answer to the question "how do you make friends with people?" -- and it seems like you might like advice about that, since you said you were shy, You talk to someone about mutual interests that you both enjoy. You hang out. Maybe in RL in Better Times you meet up and go get lunch together. These days on the internet I make most of my internet friends by (1) squeeing back and forth at them about whatever fic they wrote and clogging up their AO3 comments until we take it to email, (2) yelling about fandom on Discord until we mutually discover we are like-minded enough to start yelling at each other in DMs directly, and (3) murdering them in games of Among Us and then lying about it. (Games are a bonding experience.)

You listen well, you share some things about yourself because that's what friends do and if the other person wants to be your friend they will share things back -- or maybe they will share things first, if they decide they want to be friends first. This is how we humans like to bond with each other. I feel like I am not very good at this friend-making thing, so I am not sure I am the best person to ask for tips. But that is basically how it works.

Can you be friends with this person? Maybe. I don't know. You can try. But what I do know is that you absolutely should not try to be friends with her with the intention of dating her. People don't like when they think someone is friends with them because they want something from them, and, generally, people really really don't like when someone is friends with them when the thing they want from them is a romantic relationship. You know how you hear people (usually straight guys) talk about being "friendzoned?" They're upset because they're friends with a woman they want to date and the woman sees them as only a friend. That is the realm your proposed interaction is adjacent to, and that is not a good place to be. Don't be like one of those guys.

I think you should ask yourself if you would be happy being friends with this person if there were zero possibility of romance with her. If you would be happy being just friends. And be honest with yourself. If, after some soul-searching, you decide that, yeah, you would feel 100% satisfied just being her friend if nothing else ever happened (and you have to honestly believe this), then and only then should you try talking to her.

What should you talk about? I don't know; you must have something in common. I have made friends with people because we both enjoyed Avengers volume 3 and classic Star Trek. I made friends with a bunch of people in college because we all liked to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Smallville. I have made friends with people because I told them I liked the book they were reading or the pins on their backpack. I have made friends with people because we both were in the same science-fiction online roleplaying group as teenagers and it turned out twenty years later we were sharing a fandom, we now lived in the same state, and we also liked the same folk music! I made friends with my wife because I wanted to complain to her about a Due South fanfic I was reading and she didn't like it either and then I was translating a text for class that was in Ancient Egyptian and the footnotes were in German and I didn't know German (and still don't) but I knew she did. At that point I had absolutely no clue there would be any romance involved there; I just thought she was really cool and she seemed to think I was cool and then we just kept talking.

So, y'know, maybe, if you just want to be her friend, you can try to do that. You can find out if you actually like her as an actual, real person. But you have to want to just be friends.

But if you think you'd be unhappy if you were just friends with her, you absolutely should not try to be friends with her, because that would be misrepresenting what you want and it would also be very unfair to her.

(Edited to add: I guess the other option is that you could, in fact, just be like, “Hey, I have a crush on you,” which would be both honest and forthright -- but I feel like that has a very, very low chance of working. Hence all the other advice.)

I hope that helps.

#Anonymous #replies

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mirkwoodshewolf · 5 years ago

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Love of my life; Ahkmenrah x reader

*Author’s note*

I promised you guys didn’t I? Well here is Part 2 to History comes to life In this chapter there is nothing but FLUFFY PINING, some hints of flirting(?), but above all LOVING. And a bit of makeout (but it’s all PG). I also couldn’t help myself with this fic by adding a certain band in this and joking around with the fact that Rami played both these characters/people so I hope you all enjoy the little fun poke I do in this fic. Enjoy my lovelies :)

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@ixchel-9275

@dancingcoolcat

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queendeakyy

@simonedk

@geek-and-proud

@kairosfreddie

________________________________________________________

It was five months after the whole Save the museum fiasco. And even though my internship ended, thanks to Larry I was still able to come anytime whether to do additional research or just to spend time with my new friends. Teddy was an excellent historian and it was amazing to hear some of the stories that only the real Teddy Roosevelt would know.

Sacagawea was great female company to have around when the men got to be a bit too much. She told me about her story and she even taught me how to shoot a real Native American bow and arrow. Even though I couldn’t quite understand him, Attila was fun to be around, he and the rest of his Huns always wanted me to tell them stories and see if I could perform any tricks for them (thankfully I still remember some of the close up magic card tricks I used to do for Nicky when he was younger).

Then there was Jed and Octavius. Those two—they are something I’ll give you that. They especially like to watch funny cat videos on Youtube.

Of course they still have their moments where they butt heads but either I or Larry are there to set them straight before they’re once again besties.

And of course I can’t forget, the pharaoh himself, Ahkmenrah. Every night he and I would spend the most time together. From learning each other’s life story, to dancing along to some of my favorite songs or showing him my favorite artists/bands.

Throughout all the time that Ahkmen and I have spent together, my feelings for him slowly began to grow. I tried to hide it but every time I tried to ignore it, my feelings for the millennia’s old pharaoh just kept growing and growing. The way his light blue eyes would stare into mine just felt like he was piercing my soul.

They made you feel not only insecure because they held such regalness to them, but they made you feel safe because even with him being probably the highest authority in history he’d never make you feel like you were inferior to him.

His smile was like—literally looking into the sun because it made you feel so warm inside. And when he touches your hand—it could damn well just make you melt.

The two of us were currently in the Hall of African mammals sitting up along the lion’s perch. Ahkmenrah was currently stroking the top of the male lion whom he’s named Maahes, while I had the female leopard I named Seshat with her head on my lap, her deep purring sounding off as I stroked her head.

“So is it really true you knew the Guardian of Brooklyn before he took his post?”

“Yeah, the Daley’s and I go way back to when I was in high school. Nicky was probably the best kid I ever babysat. He never spoke back to me and he wasn’t spoiled. He’s—really become like my little brother.”

“Consider yourself lucky to not have any other sibling.” He said trailing off. I noticed the somber look on his face and I knew Maahes saw it too. The king of the beasts actually nuzzled against Ahkmenrah letting out a gentle roar. “Thank you my friend.” Ahkmenrah thanked him as the king of the beasts suddenly turned into a kitten right before my eyes as he lay right across Akhmen’s lap.

“Now I know that you saw cats as link to the gods, did you ever go so far as to actually owning big cats such as these Maahes and Seshat?”

“My father did once own a lion of his very own. Unfortunately he got a little too rough with Kahmunrah and father was forced to get rid of him. My only real exotic pet would’ve been Horus, my falcon. He was such a reliable companion.”

“You must’ve trained him well.”

“He was a clever bird. Sharp as a whip and as clever as any man.” He reminisced. Just before I could respond, I felt Seshat leave my lap and her ears twitched about. Maahes reacted the same way as he hopped off the perch and joined alongside Seshat.

The two big cats soon crouched down into a hunting position as they both slowly stalked out of the hall right towards the door.

Ahkmen and I looked at each other confused before the two big cats took off like a shot before roaring out and we both heard two very familiar screams.

“Octavius!”

“Jed!” the two of us cried out as we raced out of the room and down the hall. As we reached the end of the hallway we saw the two big cats crouched over with their front paws outward.

“Oh Ahkmenrah, lady (y/n). we are sorry to intrude on your time together…..” Octavius said from between Maahes’ paws.

“It’s alright, Octavius. Maahes, release him!” Ahkmenrah first started off calmly before going into his kingly tone. That low and demanding tone that just made me want to bow before him and do whatever he wished.

Maahes grumbled before obeying and released Octavius. But that’s when I remembered that there was also a second voice that screamed.

“Where’s Jed?”

‘Bout time someone remembered me!’ oh dear god not again!

“Seshat! Drop him!” She looked up at me with those kitten eyes of hers but I scolded the young leopardess. “Right now!” she then spat out Jedidiah and he soon came tumbling out covered in cat spit. Ahkmen and I both made a face of disgust as Jed brushed himself off.

“Stupid cat!” he called up at Seshat. She hissed down at Jed.

“Steady my friend, she’s a young kitten after all. She still doesn’t know any better.” Octavius said. I took out a tissue and ripped a portion of it and handed it to Jed.

“Not that we’re not happy to see you both but why have you come all the way over here without the racecar? You know it’s dangerous for you both to be here, especially with Maahes and Seshat.” I said to him.

“That dangum monkey stirred up some trouble once again. He opened up the hallway window near our exhibit and before we knew it, we were attacked by giant birds.” Jed proclaimed as he cleaned himself off.

“Oh great, the onetime Larry gets sick leaving me to take care of the museum and already Dexter is making things difficult for me.” I whined.

“I’m sure it isn’t that bad.” Ahkmen tried to comfort me.

“Uhh yeah right. No offense your highness but this is probably the worst thing to ever strike our exhibits since we were at war with each other.” Jed laughed.

“It’s probably best we show you both what we are dealing with.” I knelt down and extended my hand and allowed the two miniature leaders to climb aboard before we all headed to the Hall of miniatures.

When we got there, we were definitely not expecting what Jed and Octavius had told us. The entire room was surrounded by dozens hell maybe even almost 100 pigeons.

“Oh my god.”

“You see what I mean! Birds everywhere!”

“How could there be so many?” Ahkmen asked.

“Apparently Dexter also had some food in hand when he allowed these pigeons in the museum.” We walked inside stepping over the birds. Of course when they suddenly took off, I couldn’t help but shriek and grab onto Akhmen’s arm.

I set the boys down in Jed’s territory which seemed to be the worst case.

“Jed, Octavius. We’ve tried every single weapon we got but all it’s done is caused these birds to leave more of their crap behind.” Said one of Jed’s loyal cowboy friends.

“Oh god that’s gross.”

“Okay so dynamite won’t work, neither will the arrows.” Octavius pondered. It was then I saw him look behind both Ahkmen and I, right towards Maahes and Seshat. “Wait, I’ve got an idea!”

“Lay it on my Octi.” Said Jed.

“What if the cats help?”

“That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. What else you got?”

“No, no, no Jedidiah listen my friend. Lions have one of the most powerful voices in all the big cats. If we can get Maahes to roar, then the birds should scatter.”

“Uhh Octavius lions aren’t the only ones with a powerful roar you know.” I told him.

“Ohhh I wouldn’t say that.” Ahkmen said wearily. I turned to him aghast.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean no harm when I say this but Seshat is a young leopard. Maahes is a fully grown lion and his roar is mature enough to scare these pigeons away.” He gently tried to assure me. I crossed my arms over my chest and said.

“Bullshit!”

“Oh-ho-ho-ho. Looks like we got ourselves a competition ladies and gents.” Jed laughed.

“You hear this baby girl? Ahkmenrah thinks your roar’s not powerful enough.” She lowered her head angrily and let out a snarl as her ears bent back. “Show them what you got baby girl!” she then reared her head back as she opened her mouth and let out a fearsome leopard roar, which sent most of the pigeons out of the miniature wing.

“YEE-HAW!! Come on do it again! Do it again!” Ahkmenrah looked at my cockily before turning to Maahes and said.

“Show these ladies why you’re known as the God of war Maahes.” Maahes then reared his head and let out a loud lion’s roar which sent the rest of the flock right on out.

“WOO-WHO!!! Adios birdbrains!” Jed proclaimed as Maahes and Seshat then proceeded to pounce after the pigeons all over the room. The birds soon took off flying out of the room trying to find a way out of the building.

“Why not make a little wager?” Ahkmenrah said.

“On what grounds?”

“If Maahes can manage to get the pigeons out, you must sing a song for me.” I tried to hide my blush and I countered.

“Fine, but if Seshat wins, then you have to watch both the Mummy and the Mummy returns, no questions or complaints.”

“Deal.” We shook on it and followed behind the two big cats.

Throughout the museum, Seshat and Maahes continued to chase after the pigeons roaring and swatting at them. Jed and Octavius were now driving in their racecar catching up to the big cats wanting to get in on the action, cheering loudly at our two big cats.

Meanwhile Ahkmen and I raced behind cheering for both our cats in trying to get as many pigeons as they could.

“You know it’s never too late to back out!” Ahkmen laughed.

“Oh you wish we’re about to show you what girl power is all about!” I sassed at him. We raced on ahead down the second hall, passing the other exhibits who dodged our path.

The six of us just having a joy of chasing these pigeons all around the museum. Nothing could ruin this fun now.

But it was when we turned at one point of the museum that some of the pigeons were on top of the herd of rhinos and African water buffalo.

We all skidded to a stop right before the herd and I couldn’t help but say.

“Ohhhh shit.” One of the water buffalo’s snorted aggressively while a rhino let out a bellow.

At this point all of us including Seshat and Maahes took off running back the other way with the stampede following behind us. Seshat soon bumped into me and the next thing I knew I was riding on top of her back as she ran faster down the hall. I turned to see the Ahkmen was riding on top of Maahes’ back.

Both big cats did a sharp turn to the left towards the invertebrate wing while Jed and Octavius were just shortly behind us in the car. I then noticed a small closet just ahead and I cried out to them.

“Guys in there!” Seshat soon noticed the door and I quickly got off her back and opened the door and soon everyone piled inside. I quickly shut the door and the next thing we heard was the thundering stampede passing by us.

When the thundering of hooves and giant feet stopped, for some reason Ahkmen, Jed, Octavius and I soon just started laughing. I don’t know whether it was the adrenaline of nearly cheating (well in a sense) death, or just for the hell of it but we were all bursting out laughing in the tight closet space.

“That was even more thrilling than the chariot chases I used to do when I was a child.” Ahkmen said.

“Boy you said it Ahk. That there was truly a wild rodeo!” Jed cheered.

“Okay guys, since they’re gone I’d say it’s safe for us to go out.” I told them as I opened the door back up. And of course due to the tight space with me, an old pharaoh, two big cats and a ford mustang racecar, it was a tight squeeze to try and get out.

As Maahes and Seshat tried to get out, Ahkmen and I were jostled around for a bit, up until the point where our noses touched each other and our lips just barely grazed one another’s. The two of us chuckled nervously as we couldn’t look away from each other.

We were so caught up in the moment that we didn’t realize that we were now the only ones left in the closet.

“You both just gonna stand there all googly eyed or are you finally gonna wring up your saddle and kiss each other already?” we heard Jed proclaim. We both looked away and apologized over each other as we both tried to get out at the same time, only to bump shoulder to shoulder again.

Finally Ahkmen allowed me to exit the closet first before he was the last to leave.

“I swear you two are as about as crazy in love as two turtledoves in winter.” Jed said again.

“Shut it Jed, less you wanna go back into Seshat’s mouth and maybe even this time see the inside of her stomach.” I threatened.

“No thank you! Thanks for the help you guys see yah!” the car soon quickly drove off leaving Ahkmen and I alone with our big cats. I looked down at my watch and said.

“It’s an hour till sunrise. You should—”

“Yes. Care to walk me back?”

“Sure.” We first big goodbye to Seshat and Maahes and the two of them walked back towards the hall of African mammals which allowed me to escort Ahkmenrah back to his exhibit.

After helping Ahkmen back into his sarcophagus he then told me.

“Don’t forget, you have to sing for me tonight.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our bet. I’ve been keeping score and Maahes managed to get the most pigeons out of the museum.” I shook my head and rather than argue with him due to time I accepted it.

“Okay. But just know I’m not the best singer.”

“Not according to young Nicky. He said you’d always sing him to sleep, and he’d always talk about how beautiful you sounded.” I tried to hide my blushing face and I said to him.

“Have a good morning sleep Ahkmen. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah. See you tonight.” He said solemnly as his eyes went somber and he lowered himself back into his sarcophagus and I closed it up. I internally groaned and thought to myself.

‘Damnit why did I have to hurt him like that?’ with that I left Ahkmenrah’s tomb and went off to handle any remaining birds that were still in the museum and clean up the mess before either Dr. McPhee or Rebecca came in.

Later that night I arrived at Ahkmenrah’s tomb with my laptop ready to give into his deal that we had made last night. After getting him out of his sarcophagus we sat there along the floor while I opened up my playlist.

“So any hints as to what song you shall be singing for me?”

“Uhh no. You may have gotten me to sing for you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be telling you exactly what that song will be.” I sassed playfully. He grinned at me while I went back to scrolling through my playlist.

“Have you found it yet?”

“Keep your tunic on your highness.” I then clicked on the playlist to highlight the song and I said. “Okay; now this song was written by one of my favorite bands in the start of their early career. This was also the song I used to sing to Nicky whenever he had a bad dream whenever I babysat him.” I double clicked on the song and soon through the speakers, “White Queen (As it begins)” played through the speakers.

I took a gentle inhale in before exhaling and waited for Freddie’s soft voice to come through the speakers before finally singing along to the track.

I sang along softly not quite trusting my voice (also cause I didn’t want to crack in front of my crush) but slowly my voice got a bit more confident when Freddie’s voice crescendo.

*Ahkmenrah’s POV*

Oh almighty Horus and Ra above, she—she had the voice of only a true goddess. It was so soft yet passionate that it just…..she really was like the Queen in this song. I have imagined stars in (y/n)’s hair and she was an ethereal of beauty in not just her looks but her kind heart and gentle but fiercely protective nature.

I couldn’t help but fall under the spell of her siren-like voice and just admire her. Her eyes shining through the faint light that came into my exhibit, the way her medium length hair waved down like the Nile river. She was everything and more. By the end of her song, she clicked a key on her laptop and turned to me.

“How was that?”

“Beautiful.” I said in awe. “You—Nicky didn’t even come close to describing the true ethereal of your singing.” She looked away from me shyly and nervously laughed.

Even her laugh, shy or not, was always adorable. The way her eyes would scrunch up at the corners, when her smile would go ear to ear. A smile like that really showed me that she was truly happy. And the way her eyes would sparkle…..it was like seeing the stars in the sky.

“Was it that bad?” she asked me.

“Quite the opposite actually. You sung beautifully.” I told her as I gently took her hand in mine.

*My POV*

As soon as Ahkmen took my hand, my heart went boom.

“Thank you.”

“Tell me what was that song?”

“It’s called White Queen. It’s by my all-time favorite band called Queen.”

“They sounded beautifully.”

“Yeah they do. I love almost all of their songs.”

“Could you show me more?” I nodded and he sat closer to me so that I could scroll through more of my Queen Playlist. I shared with him some facts that I knew about Queen and showed him some pictures of the band in the past.

“You know Ahkmen, if you grew a mustache or just grew out your hair down to your shoulders and had four additional incisors, you could pass off as Freddie Mercury.”

“You really think so?” he asked me.

“Yeah I could see it.”

“Was he of Egyptian blood?”

“No. His family is Indian Parsi. Freddie was born in Zanzibar.”

“Well regardless. This Freddie Mercury would’ve been revered as a god amongst us. He truly does command his audience like a king.”

“He just knew how to make everyone apart of the show. Even the people in the balconies or in the very far backrow became involved. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any rockstar make everyone feel so comfortable during a concert. God I wish I could’ve seen them live with all four of them in person.”

“He will be remembered as a God and is watching over all of his people. Including the ones who come in later in life.” He comforted me as he placed a hand to my shoulder.

“Yeah.” I sighed softly. Things got quiet before Ahkmenrah took my laptop and clicked on a random song and soon enough “Good old fashioned lover boy” started playing through my speakers.

“Would you care to dance?” he said as he stood up and held his hand out to me. I looked up at him and I said.

“I told you I’m not a very good dancer, especially in slow dancing.”

“Well, lucky for you I was forced into taking all those slow dance lessons in my time as Prince. Do you trust me?” I looked up into those soft light blue eyes and along with Freddie’s serenading voice of the opening song, I was literally melting but couldn’t help as I took his hand and answered softly.

“Yes.” He helped me up and right as the chorus began, Ahkmen had us be in position one as his right hand holding my left and his other hand gently wrapping around my waist.

I shivered slightly and looked down at our feet before I felt his finger lift my chin back up.

“Eyes on me. Now just follow me lead.” He then began to lead me into a slow waltz. Of course it was clumsy at first with me stepping on his foot the first several times. I softly apologized profusely every time I stepped on his feet but he assured me it was all fine.

The song continued to play and while staring into Akhmen’s eyes I couldn’t help but think just what kind of lover boy he would’ve been. Would he be like what the song stated? Or was it something else? God why did fate have to be so cruel? The one guy I take an extreme interest in and he has to be a 4000 year old mummy.

It was then I heard the song end and a new song (just to rub salt into an open wound) began playing, and that song was “Love of my Life”.

“(Y/n)?” I looked up at him slightly startled.

“Yeah?” He soon became shy as he spoke.

“These—these past couple of months have been…..well they’ve been the most fun I’ve ever had in 4000 years.”

“I’m glad.”

“You’ve been the one true friend I’ve had ever since I was freed from my prison.” Oh god please tell me I’m not gonna get friend-zoned. “Unfortunately, I—I cannot deny what I must tell you.”

“What-what exactly are you saying Ahkmen?”

“I—I……” he trailed off trying to look down and hide his shyness. He genuinely looked conflicted with what he was about to say.

“Ahkmenrah,” I cupped the side of his face. “Whatever you have to say, I won’t get mad.” He didn’t say a word, in fact he leaned closer to my face until his lips captured mine.

It was a shy kiss at first. He was testing the boundaries of this to see if I would push him away or kiss him back. I was shocked at first but as soon as my heart hammered in my ears and I fell under the spell of the kiss, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pressed my lips to his.

Seeing how I accepted the kiss, he wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me closer which deepened the kiss. The anxiety and worries we both had melted away as I heard him let out a soft hum which made me softly moan.

We separated for air but kept in close proximity of each other. Our noses gently touching each other’s. I let out a soft choked laugh as I couldn’t make my heart calm down.

“I—” I softly spoke. I licked my lips softly. “I love you too, Ahkmenrah. I mean call me crazy but excluding the fact that I’ve known so much about you since the start of my college career. But spending these past couple months with you has been a dream come true. I’ve always wished and dreamed that I could meet you and just talk to you and—” he pressed his finger to my lips stopping my rambling.

“You talk too much my love.”

“You’re right sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re cute when you do that. It shows you’re passionate.” He tucked a strand of my hair out of my face and continued in a teasing tone, “So you’ve dreamed about me?” I giggled.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. I’m honored. I’m honored that I have gained the affections of the only goddess on Earth.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. But I really like you too Ahkmen.” He smiled at me and asked.

“Can I—kiss you again?”

“What do you think?” I said as I leaned in towards him and kissed him now, but this time with more passion just as the song was ending.

#rami malek #rami malek imagine #rami malek imagines #rami malek x reader #rami malek fanfic #ahkmenrah #night at the museum #night at the museum fanfic #night at the museum imagine #night at the museum imagines #night at the museum fanfiction #ahkemrah x reader #ahkmenrah x reader #ahkmenrah imagine #ahkmenrah imagines #rami malek fanfiction

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madnessismylover · 3 years ago

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Applied for a job at Spirit cause it's getting close to spooky season...

My hopes are a) I get the job b) me having worked for them before will help with a and will help my anxiety. c) I get along with the people I work with which will also help my anxiety d) my therapist won't tell me I should've applied for a more permanent job e) getting another few months of experience will help me get a more permanent job after. f) all this helps my depression lessen.

My desire to get a job is non existent.

Do I want money? Yeah

Do I wanna work for that money? Sure (that's how it works and I know that.)

Do I wanna get a job? Nope.

It's not laziness. It's a mixture of anxiety, depression, and being enabled to just do nothing with my life for 6 years and the fact that when I was 12-14 I was 100% convinced I would never make it to 18. I never actually considered a career path, told my guidance counselor I was gonna take a "gap year" when I had absolutely no desire for college. Didn't try to get my license until I was 20.

When I was 18 I was 100% convinced I wouldn't make it to 24.

I was 1000% convinced I would have killed myself by then.

Even now I don't see myself ever getting to 30. 30 is gonna get here and I'm gonna be fucked because I don't take care of myself like I should or do the adult things I should. I spend money on games and stupid things to bring me even the tiniest shred of happiness even if only for a few hours.

I don't expect to be around long enough for my action's consequences to catch up to me.

Do I want to enjoy life and get a partner and get my own place and have a child (or adopt depending on the partner) and watch them grow up and have kids of their own? To be happy with where I am in life? YES. 1000% YES.

But I can't see it happening so I don't TRY. It's not within my reach at this very moment and that convinces me it'll never ever happen. It doesn't matter how much someone says 'well it'll happen if you try' or 'you need to work for it to get it' that's not how my brain works. Yes, I do understand that's how the world works. You don't think I've tried changing the way I think???

I give up on things way too fucking easily. And if I don't give up I just get more and more frustrated until I do. My brain can come up with excuses not to keep trying so fucking easily.

Tried to learn guitar, played for a few days, couldn't get my fingers to fit right and they hurt. I've had a guitar in my room collecting dust for at least 5 years now.

Tried learning to draw. Too many mistakes. What's in my head refused to get on the paper.

I tried to learn Japanese. Couldn't memorize the characters. Sentence structure confused tf outta me. Gave up.

Tried to learn German. Gave up.

Took a course in photography. Did nothing with it because no one wanted the photos I took and my anxiety prevents me from interacting with actual people to ever make it a 'legit job'.

Tried to be a YouTuber. Got burnout with requests. Audience wants the content I no longer want to make. (So the algorithm is messed up and my stuff is shown to 12 years and under who - shouldn't fucking be on normal YouTube in the first place (that's a whole other issue) - have an unhealthy obsession with Joker and Harley's unhealthy relationship and not to people who actually watch gaming YouTubers)

Trying to be a Twitch streamer. I get 2-3 viewers, usually 0. The only reason I don't quit that is because it's easy. I know I can do it. Play a video game and try to be funny. I legit do that when I play by myself anyway (I talk outloud when playing a video games).

I don't like to try new things because if I'm not immediately good at them I see no hope or reason to keep trying.

And yes yes I know 'practice makes perfect' again I know how it works but the motivation to try IS. NOT. THERE.

And of course there the usual "you're gonna die anyways" so I take that as either why bother trying or just enjoy yourself now.

The world is literally so bad right now. The humans and the natural events are going to end us.

I don't see a future for myself because I'd just rather it all be over if it's not going to be good.

#tw negative #tw suicide mention #tw negative rant #tw negative thoughts

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thermie · 4 years ago

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h h hewwo owoo 22 / 23 / 29 / 31 / 34 / 50 / 58 / 61 / 88 in any order, and u can also just. pick only those that u want :3

hhhh-ewwwo? I did say I wanted to chat and I desperately do not want to do work or studies so buckle in for a long post (derogatory). 22. role model? Oh man, I don’t think I have any, like, specific ones for entire things, though I do fall in my hero-worship phaes and then fall out of them like everyone else. I think that taking an entire person and being like I wanna be like them is... not for me though. But I do look up to some people for specific things - I look up to, weirdly enough, Abigail Phylosohpytube who I didn’t watch before her coming out for her graceful coming out video though she admits that the experience wasn’t obviously as smooth. I look up to lots and lots of people for their ability to create and their art (not gonna tag my fav artists bc am tiny and do not want people to look at me, but i do be reblogging). I look up to people like ConcernedApe Stardewvalley and Supergiantgames Hades for their ability to put so much soul in their work, smth I aspire to do. I look up to @not-poignant for, among other things, their idk how to say it best, wisdom in understanding and communicating with others and with myself? I’ve learned a lot by just sort of being in their periphery and seeing how they articulate their thoughts and choose to be kind and witness other’s pain. Hell, I look up to twitch streamers and youtubers sometimes (the recent nice trait I’d like to have if I ever went into bigger content production is how ibxtoycat deals with parasocial relationship realities). 23. strange habits? Hm. I don’t think drinking tea whenever I need a pick-me-up is strange, that’s just probably forcefully assigning a British nationality to me. I think my insistence on misspelling words in a way I think is lowkey funny might be one, I say thamks bc it feels softer, or thank bc it’s funny, I say sleeb, I say finkers or tryink or otherwise replace g with k for lulz. I also don’t know if it counts as a habit but I have a small leather band around my wrist that’s been there for a year soon. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I probs have like, stranger habits but I can’t recall rn. 29. best way to bond with you? Hmm. Well, if you show initiative and are explicit about wanting to spend time with me, that’s already a big chance of me spending time with you. And then if our interests match and I don’t think that you’re like, young in a way that automatically puts me in a position where I don’t feel comfortable really being myself around you bc in my head I have to look out for you (it has happened with two of my friends, sigh), and we regularly spend time together, voila, friend acquired. It simultaneously doesn’t take much and takes a bit to be my friend and bond with me - it’s easy af to become a casual friend cuz I’m always open to new people, but there has to be a level of trust to become like, a close friend. Respecting my boundaries, talking shit with me, being explicitly committal about wanting to bond with me are big steps that way. 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Uh, I don’t do neither, but a current fave that is reasonably badass is my black tshirt with like, a ritual circle and a deer skull. V edgy, 10/10. I also used to have like a real edgy tshirt with a jester and some dice that said the game of life, but I threw it out bc dysphoria. or maybe I put it at the back of my closet along with one other shirt In Case I Get Top Surgery so I can wear them then. 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Many, such is the nature of advertising, alas. I have managed to avoid most of it tbh though, so the only place I am forced to sit through ads so they stick is my scrabble capitalist nightmare app where I play and always beat haha my coursemate. And they have adds for those shitty apps where you have to solve a puzzle that ends up failing in the add and like, drenching a man in green goo. I find those kinda fascinating tbh. Who plays these games? Who plays these shitty shitty games whose ad has to be “prove your IQ“ to make you want to prove yourself to play them? Oh and also, the insidious nature of ads in media I consume - the mcelroys have gotten me informed about many many things bc they do it in a funny way. Have you heard about squarespace? What about meundies? I also literally installed honey yesterday that I knew abt bc of the relentless adds and I wanted to save, uh, 2.50 from my minecraft server purchase (and then spent some time googling how they make money before giving up. just say u sell my data, that’s easier than not knowing what part of this makes you money). I was tired and in a weird mood, ok. 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? It’s always the stupidest jokes, what matters more is laughing together with someone and getting caught in a laughing loop. I still remember laughing with my siblings until our stomachs really really hurt bc I think one of us said a rug was vomit-colored and it was funny in the moment. How many times have I laughed like that with you too, vit. I know that Laura’s one is nostrilatu, right? :D :D It’s just something that catches you off guard, I think.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Oh shid. Hm. 1) My ability to analyze data and understand the basic building blocks of something. Makes me cool at studying and sexy at explaining things to my course-mates. 2) Not a talent more like a skill that I’ve worked hard on through therapy - but my inner positive voice/healthy parent is very strong and automatic (something I was sure would never happen). A good example is me going out for a walk, my phone dying so I can’t listen to music, when I went in my head “well I can always make music in my head. do-do-do *drum sound*“ and I could feel the wave of self-reprimand cresting but before I could actually hear any negative comments the positive voice said with a light of a thousand suns NO THAT IS ACTUALLY CUTE AND SEXY and just haaaaaaah. 3) I sing good. Need to sing more. 4) I think I’m good at making conversation. Even with people I don’t necessarily like or want to talk to. More of a skill again but whatever. 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Do not come to me and ask for favorites, witch. Uh, I have some quotes in my notes app, like 7 from Pia’s writing :D. But imma go with “It’s a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world“ by Mary Oliver. It counts, ok. Or, wait, something I will for real one day either crosstitch of commission shitpostcalligrapher: “t’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn��t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. “What are we holding onto Sam?” “There’s good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.“” 88. your greatest wish? Hrm. Right now? To have like a couple days with no responsibilities and without the outside world bearing on me as heavily, to be tiny tiny tiny so I’m invisible and can drink tiny tea on a tiny leaf. Uh, in general? My recently formulated wish or a goal is stability/peace. Then everything else becomes ok because you can bounce back to stable ground between feeling shit or everything happening so much. And I’ve sort of reached that. Also like, half a million euros would be nice too so I can get a house and a car and go on a few trips abroad. :D // there’s two ask memes in my blog recently, go wild

#long post #derogatory #personal #i think the wish to be tiny was there more last week #now i just wanna have nice things and fun and a bit of rest but am otherwise less overwhelmed #also hey. talks #chats

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bigsnzstanacct · 5 years ago

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Kn/ives Out - R/ansom Fic

Inspired by these posts, although I went a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle overboard with it, as is my wont. This may or may not be the first of a five-or-six part series, a sort of “Five Times Ransom Pissed Off Everybody By Sneezing, and One Time He Didn’t.” Or it might just be the one little story. You know the drill, over-the-top sneezing ahoy lmao.

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“Do we have to talk politics?” Joni asked, her fingers tensed, her eyes rolling as she walked rather briskly to the drink cart. “It’s not that I’m not willing it’s just it’s so contentious and I’m a little concerned about that kind of energy—”

“No, no, no Joni,”—Richard cutting in now, his words stretching longer in the way all of him seemed to extend and elongate when he was drunk, as though he forgot Linda and Harlan were watching and expecting—”No, Joni, you don’t get to throw stones and then hide your hand, if you say something about our President, I’m gonna say something back.”

“Now, now, Richard,”—The aforementioned Harlan—”I think we can all agree the President—”

“Our President, Harlan, our President, I’m not saying I like him but I’m saying he’s our—”

“N-now… now come on Richard”—Walt, briefly, before being steamrolled by—

“Richard, I think I’d like a change of subject now—” Linda, ordinarily authoritative enough to end the line of inquiry altogether, but apparently not tonight.

“Well I wouldn’t, Linda. I wouldn’t like a change of subject, and for that matter...” (Richard, elongated as though he forgot Linda and Harlan…)

“How boring,” Ransom said in an aside. Marta happened to be walking by, picking up Richard’s emptied drink, and Joni’s recently downed one. It wasn’t actually her job to provide maid service for these people but they seemed to expect it and Harlan encouraged it and they really were so generous.

So it was to Marta that Ransom delivered his aside, though it wasn’t really to her—it might as well have been to the drink cart, or the grandfather clock, or the nonexistent camera over his shoulder. Ransom was the sort of man who walked around as though there could always be a camera over his shoulder. In fairness, Ransom was also the sort of man cameras commonly followed around. He’d very nearly committed to at least two reality tv shows, mostly to annoy his family. He’d gotten his current sports car upon backing out of a reality tv show. It was too bad he was too old to start a YouTube channel. He was still waiting to see what he could get out of revealing Jacob’s channel to the family, whether it would be better to threaten Jacob with its reveal to his parents, his parents with its reveal to to the family, or perhaps the family as a whole with a leak to… whatever random book-related website might find that gossip interesting. Maybe just Reddit.

Marta was just about to respond, to perhaps engage Ransom in conversation. She had it on good authority--Harlan’s--that she could be good company to a Thrombey or a Drysdale. Everyone seemed rather wary of Ransom, but aside from his aversion to the dogs, Marta had no reason to think ill of him, and so tried to assume the best of him. And---she could admit somewhat blushingly---he certainly wasn’t unattractive. She could see how, in her younger, sillier days how she might nurse a bit of crush on him, the wealthy prince charming and the maid---although she was not a maid, no matter how they treated her, she was a well-trained professional, dammit---

But before she could speak, Ransom’s face suddenly underwent some sort squishing, snorting motion. His long nose scrunched up short as he took in a sharp sniff, nearly a snort. His eyes closed for a moment, and a smile played on his lips. “This’ll be fuhh-hun,” he said in half a whisper, airy breathing infusing and interrupting his murmur.

Marta tilted her head to the side, curious what Ransom could be referring to, until she saw his nose, which was twitching: once, then twice. A heavy sniff, then another, then two in a row, then a long one, for all the world like fanning a flame (a flame, as she would come to realize, to light a fuse, to burn down to an explosion...)

It was around this moment that Ransom abruptly stood, and she could not help but notice how broad his shoulders were, as his eyes fluttered, and his chest began to swell. His nose was starting to pinken around the nostrils, the flaring and scrunching continuing, his arms falling slack. The creak of his chair as he stood brought everyone’s attention towards him, and as they noticed the bizarre ritual Ransom was performing or enduring.

“Oh, god, Ransom, not this again…” (Linda, eyes rolling)

“Ransom, Ransom buddy, Ransom please...” (Richard, hands waving)

“Is he going to do that screaming thing again, I’m leaving the room---” (Joni, hands raising towards her ears)

“Leaving the room won’t do her much good.” (Harlan, with a bit of a snicker in his voice)

Ransom was starting to vocalize now, little “hehhhH… hEHHHhh…” sounds that sounded as though they were either being dragged out of him or as though he was dragging them out himself, perhaps both. His head was tilting back, that chest looking larger than ever as it stretched and air flowed in and his long nose scrunched and his mouth hung open in a tall O and his back arched and hands went over ears and then one last voiceless gasp in… “huuuUUHH!”

“HHHHEEYYY-SSHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Ransom sprang forward, giving vent to what was plainly a titanic sneeze to begin with, let alone his leaning into it, relishing it, and then on top of that, as the sneeze went on it seemed to turn into a pure, guttural yell, his voice roughening in an obviously voluntary way. It sounded as though the sort of scream one might hear on a hardcore metal record was riding the rails of an involuntary, massive rush of air, and Marta couldn’t help but frown as a visible spray was ejected from Ransom’s face along with the helter skelter noise, but she could hardly notice the spray since, standing closest to the blast, her ears were assaulted worst with Ransom’s screaming sneeze or sneeze-flavored scream, whatever it was, and she dearly wished she’d followed the family’s example and plugged her ears.

The sneeze tapered off at last, and Ransom--who’d doubled over with the blast--bounced back up, face reddened from exertion, practically beaming. Or at least he would have been beaming, were his nose not already scrunching…

“Whew! Big wuhh-hunn…” He was presumably celebrating his sneeze, congratulating himself on a “big one” although the urge had not yet left him entirely, and it seemed another sneeze was one its way. Joni was just walking back into the room as he went into his sniffing routine again.

“Jesus! Ransom you’re gonna give your grandfather a heart attack…” she huffed, before seeing him building towards another sneeze, spinning on her heel and promptly marching out of the room again.

(Harlan, for his part, was chuckling.)

“S-suhh… sorry guys, think I gotta sn-sneeze again…” he warned, breath catching as he actively tilted his head back, presumably seeking some sort of light to look into. His eyes were tearing slightly as he fanned one hand in the general direction of his nose, perhaps… attempting to spark another sneeze by fanning dust at himself? He smiled as he could the whole way, clearly enjoying this performance.

“What the hell, kiddo, didn’t we tell you about your whole yelling routine…” Richard grumbled, making a move to walk towards Ransom but clearly thinking better of it as Ransom’s breath caught yet again.

“Ransom!” His mother interjected.

“You’re not a kid, you get allergy shots, I don’t know why you put on this whole production…” (Richard again)

“Ransom stop that this instant, you know the neighbors called the police last time they thought someone was in here being murdered.” (Linda)

“Shh, shh, shh, you’ll make it go away… ooh, I can feel it…” (Ransom, giggling)

The rest of them were rolling their eyes, plugging their ears, shuffling away from the scene---Marta heard a door slam, clearly Joni wasn’t risking being within the house for Ransom’s next explosion.

Meanwhile Ransom seemed to have clinched the sneeze, no longer trying to coax it out but surrendering to it, preparing for it, getting ready to ride the wave and rattle the rafters… he held up his hand, and put his fingers down one by one, his giggling nearly putting him off his sneeze again as he counted down to the sneeze: five fingers, four, three, two... and just as he had one finger left up, he gave another of those great airy voiceless pulls with his flared nostrils and slack mouth and…

“EEEYYYYYYYYAAAA-SSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

This one was less a heavy metal growl and more a pure scream, perhaps inspired by his mother’s mention of murder, as it bent higher pitched towards the end, and Marta couldn’t help but think she wouldn’t have imagined such a large man could reach such a high pitch.

Once again Ransom pitched forward, staying bent over, hands over his face this time as he pushed out the sneeze, dragging it out beyond all necessity, but clearly enjoying it. He popped up again, “whew! Think I got the itch out that time!” He said, beaming like a child pleased to have gotten away with something naughty, before he screwed his face up again, “W-well, I think I got it…”

“Ransom, stop it, I know you’re just putting it on this time, I can tell.” Linda said, although this time she was chuckling a bit. Harlan was outright laughing, although he rolled his eyes as he said “you’ve outdone yourself.”

Marta had prepared adequately for this one, fingers plugging her ears, but she was still rather distracted by the whole affair. She’d never seen anyone sneeze quite so dramatically. Still, he seemed to have some measure of control over the whole affair; standing behind him, she couldn’t help but notice the sheen of his hands, practically glistening with the moisture from the sneeze, before he wiped them roughly on his pants. Clearly this sneeze had been much… juicier, she thought with an alarmed frown. Ransom must have anticipated that, ergo the hands tented around his nose as he’d howled out that last sneeze.

“You done yelling at us, buddy?” Richard asked, clearly irritated. His son had managed to take up even more space than he did, after all. Practically took up all the space in the house; certainly there wasn’t a room in the house (or on the grounds altogether, practically) that Ransom’s sneezes couldn’t be heard.

“Yeah Dad, sorry.” Ransom said, his childish grin replaced with a more adolescent smirk, his eyes cutting over towards the couch where his father sat. “Just had a tickle in my nose.” His voice grew brighter, though no less mocking, as he looked over at Marta, who once again could have been a drink cart, a grandfather clock, a camera for all it mattered. He tilted his head at her, and adopted what might have been a boyish pout (if his face weren’t so smug) to say:

“Allergies, you know. I can’t help it.”

#snz fic #snz fanfic #loud sneeze #dramatic sneeze #little shit over the top sneezes #snz story

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Shredded cheese.

Do you like clowns? Just Pennywise.

Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far? Uh, we were just two questions in and they were simple questions, no need to lie about what I got out of my fridge and whether I like clowns lol.

What's the third text in your inbox? Doesn’t work that way.

Are you listening to anything at the moment? An ASMR video.

Do you twitch when your falling asleep? >> Yeah, sometimes. Or I have that sudden falling feeling and jerk awake. <<< Ugh, same. I hate that.

Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? Clean.

Are you at home or with friends more often? I’m always at home, even before the quarantine/lockdown stuff began. For the past few years, actually.

When is the last time you were on a bicycle? Never.

What have you eaten today? So far just ramen.

Would you date someone 15 years older than you? I don’t think so.

Do you own a strapless bra? Yeah.

Does the person you like know it? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Did anything brighten up your day today? It’s only 5 in the morning, not a whole lot as happening. I don’t see much happening later on either, though.

How are you feeling at this exact moment? Tired.

Are you someone who worries too often? Yepppp.

If you could date somebody who would it be? No one right now.

Do you ever wonder how other people see you? Sometimes, but it scares me. I’d really rather not know.

What is one good thing you're known for? I don’t know.

How about one bad thing? I don’t know.

Are you taller than most? >> Most children, yeah. LOL <<< Ha, same.

When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? It’s been a few days since I’ve listened to music.

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home? I like to be at home, which like I said is where I spend all my time.

What time do you normally go to bed? Between 7 and 8AM. :X

What is one thing that is currently bothering you? The usual things.

What did you do today? So far just ate ramen, watched some YouTube videos, went on Tumblr, did surveys, played some Animal Crossing, and listened to ASMR videos.

Do you consider yourself to be attractive? Nope.

What was the last thing that you drank? Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

Is anything annoying you now? Yes.

Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it? I’m sure. Some people throw those words around too easily.

Do you regret going out with the last person you did? No.

Do you realize it when you curse? Yeah. I don’t curse often, so when I do it really stands out.

When was the last time you showered? Yesterday.

Who did you last talk to in person? My brother.

Do you ever have days where you just don't do anything? I don’t do much day to day, but yes there’s days where I’m really having a hard time or don’t feel and I don’t feel up to doing anything besides lie down, sleep, and stare at the TV.

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yes. I do that often for some reason.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I’ve seen some episodes of that here and there, but I can’t think of any particular episode at the moment. I know there’s news episodes coming out about people’s experience in quarantine.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? No.

What's the longest amount of time you've been stuck in traffic? A couple hours. I don’t even like spending a few minutes being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.

Best field trip experience? I loved all the field trips as a kid.

Have you ever been to New York City? No, but I’ve always wanted to go.

If so, is it all its cracked up to be?

What is the most amount of money you've spent on a meal before? Hmm. Probably like $50. It was a nice, pricey restaurant.

What museums have you visited, if any? Several.

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Yes. I hated group projects, they added way more stress.

What's your worst traveling experience? The drive to and from Idaho to California back in 2010. We went to Idaho to see my grandpa who was very sick and his wife told us he didn’t have much time left, so my parents, brother, and I made the 12+ drive there. We left at night and it was during the wintertime, so we drove through snowy, dangerous conditions, something we’re not used to because it doesn’t snow where we live. The trip back home was worse because we were all very emotional and tired and our patience was real thin. It was a rough trip back home. At one point during the night we had to find a hotel because the roads were too slippery and dangerous to drive on from the snow and because a lot of people had to do the same, it was hard finding somewhere. We fortunately got a one bed room and made it work, with some of us sleeping on the floor. Something that I don’t want to get into happened that night that made me extremely angry and upset to the point I was literally shaking and that is not normal for me.

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? Sims 3 out of those options, but Sims 4 over all of ‘em.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? Yeah, we’ve had a few noisy neighbors over the years. The current neighbors we have we had an issue with their dogs barking excessively. They left them outside all day and they just barked all the time. We eventually had to say something and thankfully we got things sorted out.

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? I had 2 horrible math teachers in community college, but otherwise I never had any issues with my teachers.

Best muffin you've ever had? I love banana muffins (no nut), lemon poppyseed, and blueberry muffins. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? For an elective in middle school.

If so, was it required? No, it was an elective. <<<

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? I go on there for a few minutes at at a time a few times a day.

What area of math are you best at? Worst? I was always horrible at math.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It’s cool to bond over shared interests. @gic-ga and I just recently obsessed over Linkin Park together haha.

What is the strangest thing you've ever seen outside of your house? A freakin’ bat flying around one night. That’s most definitely not a common sighting here. I had never seen or heard of any such sighting prior to that. It was crazy.

Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? No.

How often do you "half-ass" things (put little effort in)? These past few years I haven’t put much ass at all into things. :/

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yes.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? Those 2 awful math professors I mentioned before made me feel even worse about not understanding the material.

How reliable is your internet connection? Very. There’s very rarely an issue.

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? No.

What's something that makes you incredibly nervous? Uh, a lot of things. That’s how I am.

What's the latest you've ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? Many late nights or early mornings in college.

If you don't have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them?

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn't need them anymore? I honestly like my glasses. I’ve had to wear them since I was 9, they’re apart of me. I look and feel weird without ‘em.

How many vegetarians do you know? I’m not sure.

Have you ever considered going to art school? No. I have no artistic talents or abilities. I never had the interest in trying just a class either, like with a drawing class or something, so definitely not an art school, a school devoted to the arts.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? Myself.

How quickly can you write an essay? For me I struggled with getting started, but once I did I’d get in my groove.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No.

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. I always get the nosebleeds seats cause that’s where the handicap seating tends to be. They’re cheaper up there; though, so hey.

If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager?

Favorite episode of Spongebob? I don’t have a favorite. I’ve seen episodes cause my younger brother and cousins watched it all the time, but I was never really into it myself.

Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? To inanimate objects cause of memories attached to them. Like, I have a hard time getting rid of anything.

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes.

How often do you take the train to go places? Never.

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? Ha, yeah.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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beatrice-otter · 5 years ago

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Fic: Here We Are Together (My Fair Lady, Eliza/Henry)

I wrote three stories this year for Yuletide! I was assigned to write for alestar, and what I ended up writing (My Fair Lady) wasn't what I wanted to write. They had some excellent prompts in other fandoms, and I'm not a Henry/Eliza fan in general. Their prompt for Dr. Facilier in The Princess and the Frog was really interesting, but I couldn't get good enough reference material on Voodoo practices to feel comfortable writing it. (Everything in the library system was written by outsiders.) They also had interesting prompts for the movie Hancock, which I remember fondly but only ever saw once years ago, and I couldn't find a copy to watch, and I wasn't about to write a fic based on a decade-old memory and clips on youtube. So My Fair Lady it was, and I'm pleased with what I ended up with. Title: Here We Are Together Author: beatrice_otter Fandom: My Fair Lady Rating: G Warnings: none Written For: alestar in yuletide 2019 Betaed by: kalypsobean Summary: Eliza and Freddy are working together. Henry isn't happy, and makes sure everyone knows it. At AO3. Dreamwidth. Pillowfort.

"If we could but get the funding, Mrs. Doolittle, so much more might be accomplished," Freddy said earnestly. "Your contributions, both financial and practical, do so much good, and of course your greatest contribution is the time you and your husband give to veterans who cannot pay for your services, but unfortunately the scale of the situation—"

"Yes, yes, the number of men who returned with severe wounds is alarming, and their needs are many and great," Eliza said. "You would think that the thanks of a grateful nation would extend to paying for treatment for the injuries taken in the service of that nation."

"I sometimes think they would prefer if we had died, so that they could take out our pictures once a year on Armistice Day, and not have to deal with the inconvenient reality of our survival." It was a touch of the old, romantic, dramatic Freddy she had first met over a decade ago, although of course far bitterer than anything that young fop could have imagined.

"Perhaps I should mention the subject to my father," Eliza mused. "Much as he hates it, he needs respectable causes to mix in with his disreputable ones, if he wants to get anyone else in Parliament to actually work with him. And one can hardly get more respectable than poor veterans in need of medical care and other aid."

"It cannot hurt," Freddy said, "although far too many politicians are willing to give flowery speeches in public, and then tighten the purse strings in private. I begin to understand your preference for actions over words."

"Mm," Eliza said, making a note to write to her father. "Now, about—"

"ELIZA!"

Freddy twitched at the sound of her husband's stentorian bellow, and he turned pale so quickly she was afraid he might faint. Repeated calls did not help, but roaring back at her husband to be quiet would hardly be any better. Freddy, like so many veterans of the Great War, did not handle startlement well.

"Eliza, where are you, that great clod Bloxham was unbearable, he's the son of a grocer, he's no call to treat me like the help!" Henry strode through the door of the drawing room like a motorbus through Picadilly, coming to a crashing halt when he saw she was not alone. "Freddy," he said, wrinkling his nose. "I didn't know you were visiting."

"You are setting a poor example for the children," Eliza said firmly.

"I most certainly am not," Henry scoffed, flopping into one of the armchairs by the fireplace. He swung his legs up over the arm of the chair, twisting his body in a position that might have been leonine in a more graceful man, and he pouted. He would not call it that, but in that moment he might have been any one of their four offspring.

Eliza stared at him for a few seconds. Long experience had taught her that while immediately answering such a flat denial would only bring a round of squabbling to rival the worst the children were capable of, pinning his attention and then speaking firmly had a high rate of success. "You were shouting down the house. This is not a fishmarket, and you are not a fishmonger, though you may bellow like one. And then you were rude to a guest."

"Freddy?" Henry said incredulously. "I'm to be polite to Freddy Eynsford-Hill in my own home?" He shifted his shoulders slightly and sagged further down in the chair, a sure sign that he knew he was in the wrong but determined to be so. It was a legacy of his mother constantly demanding that he sit up straight. In Henry's mind, Eliza knew, sullen defiance and slouching were inextricable.

"Yes," Eliza said. "To his face and behind his back, both. Certainly whenever the children are present."

"Are the children present?" Henry frowned; he'd probably lost track of time and hadn't realized they were home from school. He peered around the room and found Aurelia in the windowseat with a book, Emily playing with her stuffed dog on the floor by Eliza's feet, and Edward and Andrew playing chess in the corner. All had stopped what they were doing to watch their father's dramatic entrance. "Shouldn't you be in school?" he asked.

"It's over for the day, father," Andrew pointed out.

"I should be going," Freddy said, as if he hadn't noticed the awkwardness. "We've covered the main points, and in any case Anne will fuss if I'm not home for dinner."

Normally, Eliza would say that he shouldn't let Henry drive him off, but they were mostly finished, and she could see how his hands were trembling on the head of his cane. "I shall definitely contact my father about funding, and if there's anything else I can do for your organization, please let me know."

"Your expertise is more than enough," Freddy said. "Good day, Mrs. Higgins. Professor." With gracious nods to both of them he left, leaning on his walking stick more than he usually did.

"Freddy," Henry said with distaste as soon as the front door had closed on him. "What does he want now, more charity cases to fob off on us?"

"You like working with veterans who have developed speech impediments or vocal wounds," Eliza pointed out. "It's a much more interesting challenge than teaching parvenus like Bloxham how to pretend they've always been upper-class."

"Yes, but it doesn't pay well," Henry pointed out.

"And the parvenus pay more than enough to cover the time we spend on charity cases," Eliza said. "What is it really? You've been like a bear with a sore head about Freddy for months, and frankly I'm sick of it."

"I'm volunteering my valuable time, and I don't like how he keeps asking for more."

"Not from you," Eliza pointed out. "And mostly he's asking for organizational help. I'd send him to your mother, if her health were better."

"Mother would have had him settled weeks ago," Henry grumbled.

"Possibly, but she has many more decades of experience organizing charities than I do, and a great many more contacts."

"Then Freddy should go find someone else to bother for help, someone like Mother who's spent the last fifty years organizing everyone else's lives," Henry shot back.

Eliza sat bolt upright as enlightenment dawned. "You're jealous!" she said in astonishment.

"No I'm not!" Henry said, voice climbing querulously.

"You," Eliza said, enunciating very clearly, "are jealous of Freddy Eynsford-Hill."

"Why would Papa be jealous of Mr. Eynsford-Hill?" Emily asked.

"Because Mr. Eynsford-Hill is more handsome than he is," Edward answered her.

"He is not!" Henry declaimed. "His profile is insipid."

Aurelia snickered at Henry's words.

"Aurelia, you shouldn't snicker, it's not polite," Eliza said. "And Henry, you shouldn't lie to your children. Or to yourself. Freddy is far more handsome than you are, but if that were important to me, I'd have married him instead of you."

"Was that an option, mother?" Emily asked, closing her book with a finger to hold her place.

"It certainly was," Eliza said. "He asked me before your father did. And I certainly considered it; besides his looks, he would have been far easier to live with than your father is."

"Then why did you marry me, if I am such a trial?" Henry said, with a mixture of curiosity and sarcasm.

"Because I don't have to hold back with you," Eliza said simply.

"Hah!" Henry said, sitting up straighter. "And yet you complain about my manners!"

"One can be assertive without being rude; your mother is the most forceful person I know, and her manners are impeccable," Eliza said. She turned to Emily, who at fourteen was beginning to notice men, and explained further. "You see, it is very unpleasant to live with someone who steamrolls over you, who dominates you, who controls you, even if they are not trying to hurt you. And when two people are not equals in that way—when one is always the leader and the other is always the follower, or when one is stronger and more forceful than the other—it is not healthy for either. At the time, Freddy was pleasant, but … easily led, shall we say. If he had any great depth of thought or character, he never showed them to me. I could have always had my way with very little effort, which would have been pleasant for me, but perhaps not good for me. And certainly not good for him."

"Whereas with me," Henry said, "you knew I would never let you have your way without a fight."

"With you the question was, could I get you to stop being a bully and a tyrant," Eliza said, turning back to him. "Fortunately, your bark is worse than your bite, and once you knew that I would simply leave if your conduct became intolerable, you amended your ways. I can keep you from running me over like a motor-bus, and I certainly don't have to worry about dominating you. If you'd kept treating me as you did when we first met, I'd have married Freddy and learned to be gentler."

"Mr. Eynsford-Hill doesn't seem shallow to me," Andrew said.

That was probably the source of Henry's jealousy, Eliza realized. Henry had been amused at Freddy's puppy love when they were first married. "He's changed quite considerably since he asked me to marry him," Eliza said. "He is much quieter and more thoughtful since he came home from the war."

"The Army was the making of him," Henry proclaimed, an opinion he had picked up from Colonel Pickering.

Eliza considered the way Freddy's hands sometimes shook, and how he flinched at loud noises that came unexpectedly, and the haunted look she sometimes caught in his eyes if he thought no one was looking at him. "No," she said soberly, "I think it was the breaking of him."

After dinner that evening, Eliza worked on her plans for the next day's clients, while Henry helped the children with their schoolwork, their education being far more like his had been than Eliza's.

"I still think we should send the boys to school, at least, even if we keep the girls here," Henry said as he got ready for bed that evening.

"What can they learn there that they can't learn from the perfectly good school they go to now?" Eliza asked, laying her gown neatly on the dressing room chair for Susan the maid to take care of in the morning. "Or from you?"

Henry grumbled, because he knew better than she did that the school the boys attended was as strong academically as any of the more prestigious schools they could have sent the boys to, and it was almost as distinguished. The difference was, in their current school the boys could live at home instead of boarding. "They could make good connections," he said at last, grasping at straws.

"Hah!" Eliza said as she climbed into bed. "That's rich, that is. How many connections did you make at school that were of any lasting value?"

Henry grumbled some more and climbed into bed beside her.

"Besides," Eliza said, "you'd miss them as much as I would, and you'd hate being outnumbered by women."

"True," Henry said at last. "Bloxham's going to send his boys to Eton and his girls to Cheltenham. He was bragging all about it. The blasted fool had never even heard of Tonbridge." Henry sniffed at this slight to his old school.

"You're one to talk about foolishness, wanting to send our boys away to school just because a fatuous idiot who made a fortune during the war is a snob," Eliza said. "Not to mention being jealous of Freddy, of all people."

"Oh, Eliza, must we go into that again?" Henry said, running a hand down his face. "I know I'm an old fool, you needn't rub it in."

Eliza paused and looked at him, really looked. He was so familiar to her, she knew his face better than anything in the world, and yet it suddenly struck her how old he was. When they'd married, he'd seemed ageless, powerful, in the prime of his life. And that was how she'd always thought of him; his force of personality had certainly not diminished. But he was in his seventies, now, and his face was deeply creased with age. Though his hair was receding, it was almost as dark as ever.

"I knew you were almost thirty years older than I am when I married you," she said at last. "If I'd wanted a younger man, I could have had one then. Freddy, or some other chap your mother could have found for me. I chose you, and you know how stubborn I am. You're mine, now, and I'm not about to give you up."

Henry sighed. After a few seconds he turned off the lamp on his side of the bed and slid down under the covers. Eliza followed suit, and waited to see if he'd say anything. In bed, in the dark, he was sometimes willing to be more honest than during the daylight hours.

"I feel old, Eliza," he said at last, staring up at the ceiling. "Old, and useless. I look at the men we treat, the veterans, and I'm glad Edward and Andrew are the age they are. If they'd been born a decade earlier ... All those young men chewed up at the front and spat out with their lives destroyed, and for what? So idiots like Bloxham could make their fortune in the munitions factories? So all of Europe could be laid waste? And then I read the papers and look at the fashions and the books and plays and art that are being made these days, and I don't understand it. It's all so different. All the rules of how things work that I've known all my life, they just don't seem to apply any longer." He fell silent.

Eliza waited to see if he would say any more. When it was clear he wasn't going to, she spoke. "You never liked the rules anyway."

"But I knew what they were, and how to break them," Henry said. "Now … you understand things much better than I do. You fit better than I do. You could bob your hair and go find a man who fits better than this old Victorian relic lying next to you."

"I'm not that much younger than you are, dear," Eliza pointed out dryly. "I doubt there are very many forty-year-old mothers of four with bobbed hair and short skirts in the dance halls even these days. And while I could throw you over and find a younger man, why would I want to? I've got you trained just the way I want, and I'd have to start all over again. You're mine, and you may not fit the world very well but then you never did—and you fit me quite nicely."

Henry reached over and took her hand. Eliza snuggled closer to him, and they fell asleep like that.

#fanfic #fanfiction #yuletide #My Fair Lady #musicals

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