#edit: people in comments chill no one is being rude

[sparrowlucero]

A drake has four legs no wings, a wyvern has two legs two wings. Your Bluebeard Drake should be called a Bluebeard Wyvern./nm (I just saw your post and the autism acted up)

"drake" is just a generic term for a dragon in mythology. making dragon/dragon/wyrm/etc separate concepts is a very modern trope that originated from works like dungeons and dragons - you don't have to use their worldbuilding anymore than you have to make your original aliens fit into the star wars world

[coff33andb00ks]

20 Oscar

20: pressing the other’s hand against their cheek

warnings: author doesn't understand the meaning of the word "short" and (badly written) descriptions of a wreck during a race (no injuries)

driver + number = drabble/short fic <3

Piastri just doesn't give a fuck.

Oscar is just too chill.

Does he ever show emotion except when he's laughing at Lando?

You try to stay out of comments. Hell, you try to stay off social media, it's nothing but a cesspool of people with too much time on their hands and not enough brain cells to comprehend more than the surface level of what they're shown. But sometimes you like it, because there are creative people who put out beautifully edited videos of your boyfriend. Sometimes you show them to him, enjoying his giggling while he watches and shakes his head over someone finding him attractive enough to warrant a thirty second video set to a Rihanna song.

But the comments about his emotionless black cat behavior hurt. He's so much more than how he portrays himself. He's vibrant and so full of life, and you will forever appreciate the people who see beyond his social anxiety and notice his amazing sense of humor, his passion for racing and life. They'll never know the real him and will probably never understand why you fell in love with him.

Him. The sweet and shy guy who'd come to your defense when a rude customer had been berating you over a wrong order. His voice had cut over her yelling, calm and measured, and after your manager had kicked out the irrationally angry woman it had been Oscar that had approached you to check on you, frowning when he saw your tears. His gentle tone had calmed you, his respectful stance had won your admiration, and his calling the woman a fucking cunt had made you smile.

You wish you could defend him as he continues to defend you. When a video questioning how a nobody like you had bagged a formula one rookie had gone somewhat viral he'd taken to twitter and unleashed such a beautifully worded rant that people were still quoting it more than a year later.

It's come to my attention that some so-called fans are referring to my girlfriend as a nobody. Allow me to introduce her to you. She's funny, she's brilliant, she's beautiful. She's every word you can think of to describe the perfect person and she's so much more. She shines light in the darkest corners of my soul. Her eyes are a map of my universe. When you look at us together, know that I am constantly trying to be worthy of the love she gives me, and know that if you speak ill of her you will never have my respect but you will have my disgust.

You would never ever doubt his love for you. Not that you ever had but that had cemented it. You could never come to his defense in such a way. If you even tried you'd be sneered at for being a try hard.

And really, you didn't need to. Because the one thing Oscar did not give a fuck about was anyone's opinion. Only a handful of people mattered enough to him for him to care what they thought. You were blessed to be included on that list.

You love him so much that for a while it scared you, having never fallen into the this one person is my moon and stars mindset. But now you understand. He didn't just hang them, he is your moon and stars. Your one and only and if for some reason this doesn't end in forever you'll be ruined for any other man.

It was still a shock, though, when you felt your heart stop beating as you watched his car careen towards the barrier. The front wing clipped Max's rear tire and you can't breathe, watching in slow motion as the brightly colored car tips and lifts into the air. There is nothing but absolute silence around you in the McLaren garage and you're frozen, staring at the monitor while his car flips and rolls, carbon fiber flying in every direction when it lands upside down, his helmet just visible as it slides to a stop at the safety fence.

Silence. Then pandemonium. Your world has just flipped and spun and you can't breathe, ears straining to hear him but you can only hear the crackle of the radio when Zak and Tom try to get him to respond.

Then, finally, his voice. Shaken and scared. "Are they okay? Please tell me they're okay."

Of course he'd ask after the others involved. You can finally breathe but it hurts, not knowing that he's okay. And you can't do anything but wait, heart barely beating until he's finally out, he's moving, he's giving the fans a thumbs up as he's put on the stretcher. You still can't do a thing and you've never felt more useless than you do while you're waiting just inside the medical center with Zak and Lando, who'd come to wait during the red flag.

Then the most beautiful words you've ever heard.

"He's okay."

There's more after that, about him being transported to the local hospital for a complete check, the possibility of a concussion but he's okay. And you're allowed to go see him while the ambulance is readied.

He's sitting up, looking a little pale but he's not hurt, he's in one piece, and when he sees you he gasps. You try to be gentle when you embrace him, but he steals your breath, holding you so tightly it hurts, his face pressed into your neck.

"They won't tell me - are Max and George okay?" His voice is strained and you feel his tears.

"They're fine, my love," you promise.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, I don't know what I did. I was going good and then I was upside down." His voice shakes and cracks and he's trembling, one hand fisting in your shirt. You reach for the other.

"Shh shh... It's okay my love," you whisper, your tears finally spilling when he guides your hand up, holding it to his cheek as he lets out a shaky breath. "Everyone's okay, you're okay."

His eyes meet yours and your world rights itself.

[auras-moonstone]

OMGOMGOMG WHAT IF JACK CHAMPION X READER AND LIKE THEY ARE READING FUNNY THIRST TWEETS AND ITS FUNNY BUT JACK IS A LITTLE JEALOUS BUT YESSS I LOVE YOUR WORK BAE🤍🤍🤍 

hi, thank you sm!!🤍 this was really fun to write, hope you like it!

i’m so chill, but you make me jealous — jack champion

word count: 1,059

pairing: jack champion x fem!reader

summary: y/n and jack are invited to read thirst tweets and jack gets a little jealous of the compliments his girlfriend receives.

“HI! I’M Y/N Y/L/N AND I PLAY JULIET ON SCREAM 6” the girl said to the camera with a big smile.

“And I’m Jack Champion and I play Ethan Landry on Scream 6” he did a little wave while showing his perfect white teeth.

“And today we’re here with Buzzfeed to read…” Y/N said, waiting for his boyfriend to finish the line.

“Thirst tweets! I’m scared, Twitter is one wild app” Jack chuckled.

“I love twitter” Y/N told the cameras, emphasising the word ‘love’.

“She really does, she spends hours on it. And sometimes I can hear her laughter from the bedroom when I’m in the living room” he smiled, looking at her in adoration.

“People are very creative in there!” she defended herself. “Anyways, let’s start this!”.

it’s just rude how jack champion walks around being cute and i’m not there to witness it

Jack smiled “That’s actually really adorable. Thank you so much!”

“It’s honestly ruder when you actually witness it because you can’t just comprehend how someone this cute exists” Y/N said faking annoyance.

“Aw, stop it. You’re making me blush” he let out a nervous laugh, covering his face.

“My favorite hobby: making my boyfriend blush” she’s smiled proudly.

PLEASE I WOULD DIE FOR JACK CHAMPION AND Y/N Y/L/N I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRIP THEY HAVE ON ME I’D GLADLY WALK OVER HOT COALS CARRYING THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD IF IT MEANT THEY’D BE HAPPY

“I just love how supportive people are about our relationship. Like, especially the fans, they’re always sending us adorable messages and commenting how we make them happy. Honestly, thank you so much” Jack said in a grateful way.

“Yes, they are awesome! And you don’t have to do that to makes us happy. Just send us fan edits of us with Taylor Swift songs, and we’ll be the happiest!” she winked at the camera.

y/n y/l/n in scream 6 is so fine, like she could gaslight gatekeep and girlboss me and i would let her

“Thanks! I guess… man I love this! My self-esteem is going to be on the fucking sky once we’re finished!” Y/N laughed.

“I don’t know how I feel about people thirsting over my girlfriend… but at the same time I get it, look at her!” Jack said, turning his face to look at her profile. She truly was an angel—inside and out. And he honestly, even after a year of dating, still can’t believe how lucky he is.

jack champion has the cutest smile ever i cry forever

“I feel you!” Y/N said loudly. “He says he never had braces but I don’t fucking buy it. No one naturally has that million dollar smile”.

“Thank you for the compliment. And I swear, I never had braces”

“I don’t buy it, but okay. I love you so I’ll let you gaslight me”

y/n y/l/n could stab me 781 times and i would still be screaming thank you!

“Woah! You have some serious kinks, but I won’t judge you” Y/N laughed.

“Y/N! Oh my god” his boyfriend laughed. “I honestly don’t know how to take this tweet, let’s just quickly move on”.

if you don’t find jack champion hot, you’re lying!

“I mean, everyone has a different type, so” Jack shrugged.

Y/N rolled her eyes “Bullshit. You’re everyone’s type. If you know someone who doesn’t find him hot, send me their address, I just wanna talk”.

“I love you” Jack laughed, kissing her knuckles.

“I love you too” she smiled.

no one talks about scream 6 without mentioning how hot jack champion is

“I mean, it’s true! I think we all felt some type of way during the train scene… and when he took his mask off???? I forgot how to breath” Y/N said. She will never shut up about how gorgeous his boyfriend was, because his factions were just too good to not be talked about.

“I’m starting to think you sent these tweets, love”

“I didn’t. But you know what? I’m opening a Jack Champion fan account to tweet about your pretty face every day”

“I’m honoured” he laughed. Jack just loved how she was always complimenting him, it made him feel really loved by her.

i would let y/n y/l/n split me in half like a pistacho send tweet

Jack widened his eyes “Can we leave now?”

“No!” Y/N laughed.

“I feel like every tweet gets dirtier and I won’t be able to handle it”

“Are you seriously jealous about some random people on the internet?” Y/N chuckled “You’re so cute. Thanks for the tweet, by the way! But I have a lovely boyfriend who would definitely not appreciate me doing that!”

“That’s better” he smiled proudly.

i want someone to look at me the way y/n and jack look at each other

“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard” Jack said, touching his chest.

“We really are part of those annoying couples who can’t keep doing heart eyes to the other. And honestly, I’m not even embarrassed by it, I love loving my boyfriend”.

y/n is so fucking fine i hope her cheetos are FLAMING HOT like her

“And we’re done!” Jack said, doing one big loud clap. “Thank you for watching!”

“Thank you for the compliment and sorry about my jealous boyfriend. Thanks for watching, don’t forget to like and suscribe!” Y/N gave one last grin to the camera before it stopped recording.

“Everybody wants you” Jack frowned, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Y/N laughed “Sorry for them then, because I only want you. Now, can we go to the dressing room so we can make out?”

Jack nodded, and Y/N swore she had never seen him run so fast.

buzzfeed here you go! your favorite couple reads thirst tweets! ❤️

y/nxjack this should be called “y/n and jack read thirst tweets while thirsting over each other” tbh

y/nslover omg the cheetos tweet is mine!!! y/n.y/l/n you are the love of my life

jackchampion no she’s not she’s mine🤬

y/nslover jackchampion can you fight??

jackchampion y/nslover WHY WOULD I FIGHT SHE’S ALREADY MY GIRLFRIEND I’M GOING TO BLOCK YOU

y/n.y/l/n i love you you’re a sweetheart y/nslover 💕 JACK STOP IT OMG

devyn_nekoda i love how jack’s jaw clenches more and more as the video goes on😭😭😭 by the way, the pistacho tweet… i relate

y/n.y/l/n tell me time and place gorgeous :)

jackchampion we are over y/n.y/l/n

y/n.y/l/n okay jackchampion

jackchampion NO BABE I WAS KIDDING I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE ME y/n.y/l/n

[golbrocklovely]

Just like Sam is trying to convince us he is happy with his not so deep quotes, Colby as well seems to be doing the same with his relationship with Malia.

Now don’t get me wrong on this one, but Colby has always been the more private one with his life out of two of them. All of his previous relationships he kept private, we were only suspecting if he has a thing going on with them , cause unlike with Malia , there was never really a confirmation.

His post confirming Malia being his gf on Coachella was a confident move made most likely by all the hate his girl was receiving from some people who do not seem to known something like living their life. However I cannot seem to have a feeling that the posts following the official confirmation of their relationship felt more like Colby trying to convince his fans that he is happy. Like look at Sam and K , we all know they are couple as well, but we don’t see Sam acting this way towards his gf, even tho out of two of them it was always Sam who was more open about his private life, rather than colby who was very very discreet about it. I don’t wanna sound rude or jump into assumptions too quick as all the things are still fresh and we yet to know those girls, but Colby has been acting out of his character for me. What i mean is that if Colby would just confirm his relationship and then as he always do, keep the rest to himself, then i would be more convinced that he is actually happy. Because if we are truly happy , we don’t need to tell others that we are and convince them that we are. It’s like real friendships for me. If you feel the need to constantly remind others that this one is your good friend, then won’t that sound like you are more convincing yourself that it’s t the truth , rather than friendship being actually real?

But hey, this is just my feeling and i am just worried because most of my feelings unfortunately most of the times turn out true ( like when i had a feeling Sam and Katrina will break up , cause they seemed off before their official break up and it happened unfortunately). I hope I don’t sound weird or mean

i don't personally agree with you.

i think this is just an unprecedented time bc, like you mentioned, we've never seen colby as a boyfriend before. if we're to go off of what he has claimed, the last time he truly dated and had a gf was in 2016, and that relationship he kept completely under wraps. every other girl he's been with since has never been serious enough to be a gf of his. and i think his reasoning for not sharing all of those girls is one, he wants privacy and two, introducing someone to the fandom that might be gone in a week is a just a little odd. so, i don't think we can jump to the conclusion that what he is doing is excessive strictly just bc we don't know what normal would be for him.

i mean, if we think about it for a moment, no one ever told sam he was doing too much when he would post kat (relatively) daily. and colby's not even doing that. he's posting malia every so often or when they hang out, which isn't daily. so, i'm a bit confused on why it feels forced.

not only that, but as someone who has paid attention to his love life and the girls he's hooked up with in the past, him commenting a bunch or liking edits is really not that out of character. he did that in the past with flings, he just chilled out on it in recent years bc he was getting caught more often doing it since there are more eyes on him. and then on top of that, taking into account all of his tweets over the years, he has mentioned being the type of guy to post his girl a bunch, not minding a high maintenance gf, being obsessed and wanting to showing off his gf a lot, and cutting other girls off if he's interested in someone.

none of this is really unusual given the fact that for years he's basically aired it all out lol

and comparing them to sam and katelyn isn't really a good comparison. first and foremost, while some fans don't like malia, a very loud majority don't like katelyn at all. like she is basically the devil incarnate to some of these fans. idk what the fuck she did to piss so many ppl off, besides start dating sam after he broke up with kat, but for some reason she gets under fans' skin in a way that's concerning. so i think he doesn't post her bc he knows how much hate she's gonna get. which is also why she's gone radio silent to some degree (or at least doesn't post as much as she once did).

and secondly, sam basically said in a livestream or pod on xplrclub right after the pics of him and katelyn leaked from nye that he wasn't trying to show this girl off bc it was so new and so close after him and kat broke up. he literally called her a friend lol i don't see him announcing they're together until a year in (so possibly somewhere in august/september). which also brings me to the other point, everyone knows they're together. he doesn't really have to hard launch her. i mean, he most likely will. but we all saw the pics of them on nye. we know. colby and malia weren't caught kissing. i remember seeing ppl say "oh that might have just been some random girl he's friends with. they didn't kiss" so he kinda had to say something about her eventually.

also i think you and i have different ideas of what privacy means. bc privacy to me just means that ppl don't go digging for things that aren't readily available to be seen. or that maybe not every move he makes needs to be overanalyzed as some form of calculated move. or that maybe he should be allowed to post his gf without there being a bombardment of fans wishing death upon her bc of some dumb reason (obviously not saying you do any of that anon. just saying that the general audience might be doing this). privacy doesn't mean he posts nothing and says nothing. it just means don't cross lines that he clearly has drawn. or at least that's kinda how i see it.

but hey, if this is how you feel, that's alright. i just don't personally see it the way you do. i think it's too early to call whether or not what colby is doing is too much or not enough or whether they're gonna stay together for the long haul.

[archivalofsins]

Goes and plays Reverse 1999 due to a friend becomes obsessed with X after being like why the fuck are you here go away. The evolution

Why are you here?! I wasn't pulling for you!

Oooo Rube Goldberg machines go brrr-

Wait is this guy just Shidou and Mikoto fused???

Why is he just Mikoto?!

Spoilers for Reverse 1999, I guess.

X: You hate the wealth gap and how it incentivises giving those who have more and those that don't less. You hate it so much I can kill this guy for price gouging medicine, right? What do you mean I killed someone, Vertin? Lol, nooo that was a tragic accident unless you're claiming your friend was an accomplice to murder?

Damn it's Mikoto again! I can't keep fallen for this character type.

Jackalope was right,

"No unique features about him. So, I don't have much to comment on. He's kinda like mass-produced goods."

Friend sends me storyboard me-

CHEEKY TEENAGER

His years at the orphanage taught X one truth: If you want something, you must take the initiative. Whenever he invents something new, there's always some unfortunate individual who ends up his test subject. He knew his appearance, along with just the right amount of cockiness, was something nobody could resist.

No one's going to want to help or work with someone who can't communicate properly or doesn't look the part.

Q.04 Are you picky when it comes to fashion?

Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want, though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone, too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words, do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

THE PERFECT CRIME

In order to protect what matters most to you, it's hard to avoid doing something questionable. With convoluted and bewildering methods, along with a plethora of clues, under the intricate workings of the Goldberg machine, these chilling cases often go unresolved.

The full statement alludes to all the murders this guy has committed, which is more than the one shown. The focus on "protecting what matters most to you" is a self-explanatory connection between these two. At least, I believe it is.

Friend sent me this as I was messaging them live reaction reading his story,

Pandora Wilson: Let's talk about something else. There was an accident at an orphanage a few years ago, and I heard you were present.

X: Oh? If you want to discuss topics that have nothing to do with the interview, you have to test this Bubble Gum Spraying Alarm Clock in exchange, okay?

Pandora Wilson: The deceased appeared to have been killed by a loose shingle from the roof. The angle, wind speed, and power it had was incredibly precise.

X: Oh, such is life. It's filled with coincidences and accidents.

X: Don't be sad. Now, let's try this Mini Priest Bouncer and pray for him, shall we?

Pandora Wilson: Please excuse me.

ENCHANTING ARCANE GENIUS

Enchanting items with precision is no small task, but it's simple enough for X. The unknown gift of his bloodline gives him the ability to 'see' the points on each item that require arcane treatment. With some minor tweaking, machines can create endless possibilities in his hands.

Does editing and repair work that takes a keen eye. Also despises being asked to do more work or work outside of his comfort zone.

Has cool horror outfit,

That has nothing to do with the other stuff. Well, it can if one considers Mikoto's relation to horror. But I just find all the horror references in reverse neat.

How I sleep and feel after the character committing murder for morally grey reasons is held accountable and isn't treated like the world's specialist boy who just needs a nice warm blankie and love and affection to heal-

"Reach out for a comfortable chair- Rejoice and throw your arms in the air! 'Cause it's a good life, so why y'all trippin'? The good life's slippin' away."

But the murders-

Me (sometimes admittedly): Whelp-

Especially with the guy X kills who is price gouging medicine all while knowing the world is ending in a few hours anyway due to the storm. Something he is seeking shelter from. Fuck that guy specifically. Dude literally was like how can I make sick people's life worse and myself richer before everything ends.

So, yeah fuck him.

Someone not me who displays anger in healthy ways probably. These characters don't need to be good but it's would be nice if they were just a little justified to soothe my own ego. I don't want to like characters in fiction who are completely irredeemable. Everyone has their reasons and struggles fiction is meant to teach us how to empathize with the experiences of others and put ourselves in their shoes.

No one deserves to die but mistakes happen and maybe this is just that.

X's character showcases the immense amount of detail and planning that needs to go into even the simplest action. Using the complicated machinations of Rube Goldberg machine as a visual illustration of that process and all the parts needed for it to occur. Comparing that machine to people (individuals) and the way the world functions as a whole.

Playing on the old question if someone makes a machine that is set to kill someone completely at random and someone else trips it not the person who created it is it still murder. Some variations of this have the person who made it set it off as well but at a completely random time with no awareness of who it will hit. In my opinion this is an attempt of calling into question intent.

So the answer changes based on if the individual knows the outcome of the event or not. If someone knows the machine is going to kill someone and triggers it they had the intent to kill. If someone accidentally triggers it and is unaware of the function of the machine that's an accident not murder.

This is the same question X's Anecdote in Reverse 1999 poses. By having the unwitting participant in X's Goldberg machine be Sonetto. This leads to Vertin not informing the foundation of X's crime because the trigger of it would be Sonetto,

Making her into an accomplice in the scenario despite her lack of knowledge of it. This is logic Milgram fans should be very familiar with. It's the same logic used to pole vault over the concept of any of the prisoners being murderers. It's the logic on full display when one says the prisoners were just involved in someone's death not directly responsible for it.

It's guilt by causality. Guilt from just being a part of the chain reaction. It's like Futa said at the start of the series-

"Everyone else was having fun weren't they? What about them? Why is it just me?!"

Just because they happened to be there or know the victim they are just as responsible for their victimization? Simply due to their involvement in the situation at all. They weren't better partners, their communication was lacking, they choose to deceive or omit-

They are murderers because they did what any normal person does in a week.

They are murderers because like Sonetto they were there. Like Sonetto they existed in,

"My life started in a wrong spot."

Not because they choose to kill anyone. Not because they set up the machine. No because they were the fulcrum. Because them stumbling across it led to it activating. They could have never known what online comment what online comment would be a person's last straw, how much bullying one person can take, or the significance of what they've been robbing people of.

Hell, maybe they don't remember doing it at all.

These are all ways that the prisoners' distance themselves from their actions and the audience distances them from said actions. Because if the machine is long enough everyone's fine with giving a shrug and saying,

"It’s not my fault-"

I didn't make it that way after all. That's just how the world is- It's just how God made it.

"God gave me everything, everything is as I wish." - "I’ve got EVERYTHING, everything is as I wish."

You see,

"It can’t be helped.”

Those are the rules after all.

"After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already." - "Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting."

The ways that the prisoners and the audience attempt to distance their selves from the actions they took- Does it still make sense when compared to Sonetto's situation?

Would she be a murderer by that same logic. Would X not be considered a murderer because everyone dies eventually anyhow?

Is it fair to call someone a killer for doing an every day thing like picking up penny off the ground just because someone else set up a machine to shot a gun off in a crowded area if someone picked that penny up?

A person cannot account for what they don't know. They can learn better for the future most definitely. Yet, this is why to me at least saying the prisoners were just involved in someone's death not directly responsible for it due to the choices they made is not murder. The intent matters. The desired outcome matters.

X is shown to understand this. Not only understand it but know how to make it so his machines won't harm anyone. In the same Anecdote he makes a marble shooter for a few kids that no matter where you aim it the marble goes back to the same spot. Taking into consideration that children if given such a thing would immediately use it to hurt other children.

The amount of effort and forethought that goes into these things for them to become persistent patterns of behavior is inconceivable. Can someone cause someone else's death accidentally? Yes, things like this can happen accidentally in many ways. Do any of the things in Milgram look like accidents?

Absolutely not. Is it fun to think about them being accidents or out of their direct control for angst reasons? Yeah, absolutely. However, most of them allude to repeating the same thing over and over. After a point a choice is a choice.

How many times can someone do the same thing before one considers it may be by design instead of error? But have I considered their troubles and experiences? Yes, but that's not my main concern when it comes to Milgram. Sometimes I am just too busy experiencing the catharsis of bad people getting what they deserve as good people fall prey to the question,

"What matters most doing the right thing or maintaining your moral purity?"

All because a lot of times in life those two things won't align. Just to find out neither it's all what the individual puts stake in themselves.

In order to protect what matters most to you, it's hard to avoid doing something questionable.

Sometimes I can recognize the victim and the perpetrator are the same person that neither title negates the other. Because it's nice to keep it simple but it isn't realistic.

What's a persons morals in the face of the chaos that is reality. What is order in the disordered? Can a society that functions off the exploitation of it's weakest individuals be considered orderly?

Is that sort of machine worth replicating or should it be dismantled from the inside out?

Is it fine to,

"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!! DESTROY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!!"

Or

"Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?"

At the end of the day this big machine and the constructs built around it won't stop the inevitable. Be it today or several hundred years from now the machine is going to go off.

Outside of all that sometimes... I just like to go-

"Ooooo Rube Goldberg machine goes brr-"

Because it isn't about the outcome. It's not about being right or efficient to me. It's about the process and what I can learn through it. Everything that may impede me doing that regardless of how reasonable can just go in the fireplace,

Well I'm going to go cook and try to catch up on Tsumigram now.

[hammerhead-jpg]

Born to "Hiiiiii :3" forced to "What's up" (about me post)

About me page I'm so nervooouussd

I very much wanted to post things for fun and figured I would do it on Tumblr since it seems like a chill place where likes and follows don't matter and also my friends and family (which I'm not out to yet) follow me on every single social media and I do not want them stalking me when I post about who knows what

That being said, I do not come from the golden age of Tumblr or any age really but I do watch Strange Æons religiously so I'm not completely clueless ig, but if I break some sort of unspoken rule it wasn't me

All that unnecessary text aside, hi, my name is Kristian (although that name is not set in stone because I'm indecisive just trans things am I right) and I go by Kris, but you can also call me Hammerhead or Moonshine/Moon

I am a digital artist and have been drawing for like forever and my dream is to one day turn the story I'm currently working on into a visual novel/webcomic

(edit:) I'm sorry if I don't reblog a ton of posts, I know some people view not reposting posts as rude but it's just that I'm not used to being on social media that has a repost feature so I don't have the reflex to repost things

I'm queer and also transmasc <3

(also edit:) sorry if I don't respond to your comments complementing my art, it's just that I get nervous/don't know what to respond with, I assure you the complements are very appreciated and people who like/comment on/reblog my art have a special place in my heart

(also also edit) you can tag me in "tag x people" and tag chains and stuff but I probably won't continue the chain as I probably don't have enough people I would comfortably tag and even in that "would comfortably tag" group I am probably still too shy to tag them, and one or more of those people in that group are usually the ones that tagged me in the first place so it's not really like I could tag the person that tagged me in the tag chain??? Is anything I'm saying making sense???

My current fixations/ the fandoms I'm in are:

Redacted Audio (proud Cutie, Vega n Christian apologist RAAAAHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅/j)(also proud Lasko stan and 7eleven trio shipper)

Bungou stray dogs (biggest Sigma stan)

MHA (although I'm kind of out of it, I'm mostly just silently keeping up with the manga but I am still kinda obsessed with mha ocs) (if you hate mha ocs or really any fan ocs DNI because I have like 40 of them) (no I am not a 30 yr. old woman shipping her self insert with Bakugo leave me alone)

Don't hug me I'm scared (not rlly in the fandom)

Chainsaw man (not rlly in the fandom)

Fear and Hunger aka Funger and Gunger (I can't say I'm really in the fandom and can't say I'm that involved into the game it's too big brain for me so I just observe it from afar and laugh at the memes)

DNI lists are kinda useless but racism, sexism, abelism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia ect is not tolerated here but also like if you're one of those people who are really ticked off when they see a minor talking about NSFW stuff and act all wise sage I suggest you DNI because I assure you your rambling and skull emojis are not going to prevent me from developing hypersexuality, you are like 11 years late to that my friend (or if you're just uncomfortable hearing a minor talk about nsfw that's cool too)

And also fuck off if you think sexualizing minors (fictional or not) is okay

This is a xenopronouns/neopronouns, xenogender, furry, therian safe space, I really don't judge

I think this goes without saying but cringe culture is dead, if you get pissy about things being cringy please don't come to the person who's internet alias is literally a Penelope Scott song, other alias is a reference to a gay ship from my hero academia and the person who named themselves "Kristian" because they thought that naming themselves (the atheist) a name that means "God's follower" was hilarious, but again this is tumblr so I expect most people here are cringelords

Anyways, fuck you Adam you can go suck my long horse weewee, Moon x supremacy always

Also if I tell anyone to kts I was just joking PLEASE

[yuni-or-zerou]

The Final Pact Introduction

Author Number 1: Yuni or Zerou 

Hi, meh name ish Yuni or Zerou. Here ish a little bit about meh I am 17, Gay nd more Fem than masc. but I do work out cuz u got to stay fit. I love Editing ( I am really good at it) Writing, doing make-up, reading, gaming nd some other stuff. I Stan a lot of K-pop groups but my alt groups are Txt, Skz nd Ateez. Meh, alt bias is Taehyun from txt. My favorite colors are Light Blue, Green, Red, Orange, Black nd Pink. I am always here to help others I love to spread kindness nd love, making friends. Feel free to dm/pm meh personal account if you ever want to. It is one of the people that we are following you will know ish meh meh user lolz. There's more about meh in meh bio there nd I am kinda an indecisive person. There ish a lot more but I don't want to rattle too long nd keep ya from the story nd other stuff love ya Hun <3

Author Number 2: Ari 

(Will add later she is really busy lately)

 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇'𝓈 :

☁️ . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Han Jisung —— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Name: Han Jisung

Pronouns: he, himself, they, them, it, and itself

Nicknames: Gay Bitch, Pumpkin, and Angel Boy

Age/Birthday: 17 (almost 18) and September 14th, 2005 (It's not his real year.)

Sexuality: gay but not out of the closet yet

Likes: Bright Green, Queen, KDA, Twice, Rapping, Reading, BLS, and Animals

dislikes: loud noses, small spaces, weird things, and negativity

More info: He is a junior and has bipolar depression, anxiety, and insomnia. He is a very misunderstood boy at school. He calls his parents Mr. and Mrs. Jisung unless he is speaking to them directly. When he says Mom and Dad, he is most likely speaking of Arabella-Izzy's parents, for they treat him as if he were their son and equally as their daughter.

Personality: He is super smart, kind, understanding, cares for others, and tries to help others because he knows how it feels to struggle, considering how bad it was with his real parents. He is loyal, sometimes sassy, very blunt, and confident, unless his bipolar gets in the way. Of course, he is a very loveable, cute, shy, and submissive little boy.

☁️ . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Lee Minho —— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Name: Lee Minho

Nicknames: Sparkle Boy, and Luna

Pronouns: He, Him, them, theirs, and themselves

Age/Birthday: 18 and October 25th, 2004 (It's not his real year.)

Sexuality: bisexual but prefers men; he has been out of the closet since he was 13.

Likes: red and black, video games, partying, art, fashion, and trading card games.

Dislikes: rudeness and small spaces

More info: He is really smart but doesn't try hard. Everyone calls him Luna because of how much he admires the moon. A very good video gamer, especially at league, his favorite trading card game is Yu-Gi-Oh. His favorite movie is Beetlejuice, and his favorite show is The Next Prince. Everyone knows this, but he is rich, and we know he is not a snotty one; he is a really kind and charming type of rich boy. Of course he is popular and everyone loves him, but he is not a bad boy at all. There is no breaking him. His motto is "Don't stand stall, but don't break, because breaking gets you nowhere in life."

Personality: He is somewhat smart, loving, caring, very protective, charming, and loveable. He doesn't care what others say behind his back. Everyone's opinion is irrelevant to him unless it is good, understandable, or has an impact on him. The type of guy to spoil you with gifts, tease you, and make you his little pet. He is most definitely super dominant.

☁️ . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Mizuki Minho—— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Name: Mizuki Minho

Pronouns: she, her, hers, herself

Age/Birthday: 22 and August 36th, 2000

Sexuality: pansexual and poly

Likes: pink, heels, fashion, hair, reading, dancing, and shopping

Dislikes: being controlled, hateful comments, and being touched.

More info: She is pretty chill and has really bad experience with relationships. People used to bully and abuse each other in middle school and all throughout high school. She has her own makeup company and owns a hair salon. Another thing is that she only accepts the arranged marriage with Han because the Jisung's have everyone convinced they want to help their son become successful.

Personality: She is pretty, calm, energetic, hardworking, trustworthy, dedicated, and carefree. The type of girl to style and design things for you. That one friend who has to check up on everyone and make sure she doesn't need to kill anyone yet

☁️ . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Arabella -Izzy Hwang —— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Name: Arabella-Izzy Hwang

Pronouns: she, they, them, it, it's,, their, and itself

Age/Birthday: 17 and June 13th, 2005

Sexuality: Lesbian; she is a stud

Likes: purple and blue, weed, monsters, cherry blossoms

Dislikes: weird things and negativity

More info: It has bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. It's also very protective of her family. Han has been like a big brother to them since they were five and six. Definitely, a pothead loves to smoke weed because it helps calm her body down so she can focus more on things. A very strong compassion for becoming a teacher because they love kids.

Personality: It is kind and caring and loves taking care of kids. It is also really good with kids. The kind of person who works hard to achieve her goals and never gives up on them, no matter what challenges she may face on her journey,

𝙎𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧'𝙨

☁️ . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Mrs. Jisung —— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Name: Mrs. Jisung

Pronouns: she, her, hers, herself

☁️ . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Mr. Jisung —— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Name: Mr. Jisung

Pronouns: he, him, his, himself

Mrs. Hwang (Mom)—— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Name: Mom and Mamma

Pronouns: she, her, hers, herself

Mr. Hwang (Dad)—— —͙ – -˚ ·* ˚ ✦

Names: Dad and Father

Pronouns: he, him, his, himself

[hydr0phius]

Thanks for the tag @hovercraft79 !

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 29 works as of 17/04/2024. Could possibly have another one ready soon 👀

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

I've written 199,256 words (posted) in the last 7 ish years.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars (mostly the Thrawn trilogies), The Worst Witch (1998, 2017) Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018), Marvel, and Doctor Who.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Loki: The Rewrite, Grievance (Fanart), 101 Ways to Make a Salad, Stay, and Wrath of the Manda'lor

Most of those were posted in 2020, and in Loki's case, 2021.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do respond to comments! It's basic fandom interaction and I love screeching about fics with other people lol. As long as you don't just comment "update now" or something along those lines in a rude way on a fic that's been on the backburner for a wee bit, you won't get a smartass answer :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhhh, I don't know. It's probably all the Whumptober fics I've done though tbh. I meant to do one for 2023 but I'm still working on that because it's an AU and I wanted to do more than just torture my little guys.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Knight In Shining Pink was pretty happy at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not really.

9. Do you write smut?

Haven't posted any, 👀 but it is in my drafts...

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Do I write crossovers? That feels like all I write, so I'll list my favourites:

The Admiral's Witch (Most recent: Worst Witch/Star Wars)

It Looked Alright In the Pictures (Last fic of 2023: Worst Witch/Star Wars)

Shadows On The Night (Worst Witch/Star Wars crossover)

Puppets of Fate (MCU/Star Wars: currently undergoing a rewrite)

As you can see, I like putting TWW17 & 98 characters in certain situations with certain SW characters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah. Feel free to though. Just make sure you give me credit and link to the original fic.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yea, a few. Loki: The Rewrite is the first that comes to mind.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Don't do this to meeee. I'm going to say Obitine (Obi-Wan/Satine) for now bc they popped into my head first.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Puppets of Fate is going to take me another four years just to get four chapters rewritten at this rate, and I Think My Neighbour's A Witch will probably be the same tbh. I'd rather be happy with what I've written and take yonks than do a rush job without much thought and never be able to sleep at night. Normal things and reactions to that situation... (probably not normal tbh).

16. What are your writing strengths?

Action, I'd say. And whump.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing my wips...also having really long winded sentences. They make sense to me and I do try to chop em down during editing but I also miss a few lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've sprinkled Cheunh into my fics where appropriate, so I'd say go for it. Having translations in the notes or making it obvious what's being said in the scene helps a lot though. It sucks reading big passages of something you don't know and then not knowing what any of it means unless you whip the translator out or there's notes.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Tinkerbell. None of those have ever made it to AO3 though and they're shoved to the bottom of my wardrobe in the spiral bound books that 12 yr old me wrote them in.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Eldritch Horror Cackles Academy AU where the castle is alive and hungry. It's unposted and only has three chapters written so far, but love it. It's truly something lmao. I think I had a sketch on this hellsite somewhere that was kind of a teaser for it.

Tagging (no pressure): @wayward-thrawn @empress-violetlight @heathtrash @lorrainestea & anyone else who wants to play :3

Questions to respond to below the cut!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Writer Asks

I love doing these! They hardly ever come around anymore and I miss these. Thank you @bitchbrisket for sending this my way.

How many works do you have on AO3?

36

What’s your total AO3 word count?

664,309

What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly The Worst Witch 2017, but there’s also a couple of Bletchley Circle fics on there, as well as an unpublished Xena and a Rosemary and Thyme wip.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Divine

Into the Great Wide Open

One Thing Leads to Another

Ghost

Winter Song

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to always comment. Comments are a gift and I want to recognize the time someone took tell me they liked my work. Plus, I love talking about writing and stories and all that.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Life has enough angst already, I don’t need to add to it with my fics. I much prefer a happy ending. That said, since I’ve left everyone hanging on Stella Caeli for 6 months (I’m so sorry!) and it’s at a disaster cliffhanger, it would be that. I am almost done with the next installment, though, so hopefully soon it won’t be angsty either.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe Divine? That’s the last part of Hecate’s Summer Playlist. Either that or An Uncertain Spring

Do you get hate on fic?

I haven’t yet.

Do you write smut?

It probably comes as a surprise to most of my readers, but yes. Just not in any of the stuff I’ve written for TWW or posted on AO3

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really, though I do enjoy letting Rosemary and Thyme make a cameo every now and then. I’m not against them, just haven’t done it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I’m aware.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but Sparky probably deserves a co-writing credit for all of the work she’s put in to my fics.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

This is a toughie. Certainly, Hecate Hardbroom and Pippa Pentangle – or Hecate and Ada Cackle – or Hecate and Julie Hubble. Honorable mentions include Jean McBride and Millie Harcourt, Xena and Gabrielle, Jenny Flint and Madame Vastra, Rosemary and Thyme, Lady Hardcastle and Flo, SuperCorp, Laventon and Cyllene… The list really could go on.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Probably my first fic – a massive crossover with characters from everywhere, a healthy dose of Mary Sue-manship, a bizarre premise that turned out to be not so bizarre when six months or a year after I started it, Galaxy Quest sort of had the main plot point.

What are your writing strengths?

I feel like dialogue is what I do best, followed by plotting.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action sequences. They feel very stilted to me.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Sure, write it. I've had bilingual characters.

First fandom you wrote for?

Not counting that first atrocity, Xena and Gabrielle – though technically it’s a Mel & Janice one.

Favourite fic you’ve written?

That is like picking a favorite child, isn’t it? Well, I shan’t be in denial about it. Hecate’s Summer Playlist holds a special place in my heart, closely followed by An Uncertain Spring and All Roads Lead to Home.

If you'd like to play, I'll tag @emiline-northeto @curlywitch14 @hydr0phius @cassiopeiasara and anyone else who'd like to join in.

Questions to respond to:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[poopyballz28]

Some Baki characters as streamers/YouTubers

I was down right obsessed with YouTubers and YouTube shenanigans when I was younger. This one came to me while reminiscing.

Baki

• Just your average gaming streamer. He really favors combat and fighting games. Probably has emulated and played Street Fighter a lot. It's one of his favorites.

• He can get a little awkward at times, but he quickly opens up as he gets more comfortable, and starts to have some fun joking around while playing.

• Collabs with Kozue quite often. They weren't immediately open with their romantic relationship, but after a while they came clean. Everyone was freaking out about it on twitter. Everyone saw it coming but thought they were adorable together anyways. Kozue and Baki's streams are always so fun and cute, with an endearing atmosphere that keeps dragging viewers in.

• The two get playfully competitive in Baki's combat games and they have a lot of fun together. Baki also joins in with Kozue on Animal Crossing and they lay in the same bed in Kozue's Sanrio themed house while both blushing like little idiots 💗

• His fans love him to death. They would protect him through any costs. He has so many TikTok edits of him just being cute during streams. He's seen some of them (after Kozue sent them to him) and he thinks they're pretty funny.

• I'd like to think he collabs with Katsumi a lot too. They are definitely best friends. They probably play Mario Kart together and get stupidly competitive. Kozue would probably join in too and win the race, having the other two completely shocked.

Jack

• Mostly streams combat games or shooting games. He's abnormally good at them too. People think hes using mods or something but no he is just that good.

• He has quite a huge fanbase even though he's quite a silent person. He does talk from time to time of course but a lot of the time he's just soullessly staring at the screen absolutely destroyed and enemy with the coolest tactics you've ever seen.

• Definitely had some rage moments where he couldn't control his rage. Probably broke a couple controllers.

• Some of his fans are douches while some others are obsessed fangirls. The fangirls make thirsty TikTok edits of him while the douches make fun of the fangirls and are just rude asf dudes who just think he's badass and make shitty phonk edits of him. He's pretty popular with a male and female fanbase evenly.

• He probably has a separate Instagram account where he posts work out stuff and shows off his body. After his fangirls found his page there have been edits galore of this man.

• He replies to donations by just saying "Thanks." in a deep tone then continuing where he left off. The fangirls cream every time hearing his voice. Can't believe I just wrote cream. Gonna commit soup of side.

Kozue

• She usually plays really cute and peaceful games like Stardew Valley or Animal Crossing.

• Her Animal Crossing island is DECKED OUT. She has pretty scenery and decorations. I bet she has like 800 hours on that game alone. She sometimes makes little tutorials on how to make proper decor and stuff. She probably does chill streams where she just sits and talks to her fans.

• Her hangout and chill streams are so adorable because sometimes she'll ramble about her favorite anime and her viewers think it's very cute.

• Her fans protect her at ALL COSTS. She's so precious and they would defend her with their lives. She's probably got really emotional on stream because of how much she appreciates her fans support. She communicates with fans very frequently and replies to comments all of the time.

• She is, in all sense of the word, unproblematic. Everyone is convinced she's never done anything wrong in her life. She's just a silly little girl recording silly little games on her silly little desktop.

• She usually only plays cute and peaceful little games but sometimes she'll branch out into different stuff. She's either playing the cutest game ever made or the scariest most graphic game ever made. She really enjoys DOOM.

Katou

• Very toxic gamer. Always seems to be frustrated at something and curses so much its a bit scary. His constant anger evens out because thankfully he's really funny.

• He's usually streaming combat games or shooting games. He's pretty good at video games but if he dies even once, his viewers are going to bully him and a rage clip will probably be released soon after. He's always trolling and being a dick on online games to fuck with people too.

• His fans are something else. They do his bidding whenever he asks and they're all evil like him. He often raids online games and hundreds of people show up.

• Collabs with Suedou and Katsumi frequently. Their trio is pretty popular.

• He's often in controversy for being a dick and kind of offensive sometimes. You either love him or you hate him and wish he would delete his account. No in between.

• Makes Suedou and Katsumi play multiplayer horror games with him to freak them out since he's not scared of horror games at all. He loves to hear their screams of terror because he is evil. You already knew that though.

Katsumi

• Streams a variety of games he finds interesting and will have little work out streams where he wears very minimal clothing. Chat is just spamming "hot damn 😮‍💨😮‍💨" "may i please bite a chunk outta dat ass" "lawd have mercy 🥵" "PLZ LEMME HIT"

• Unlike Katou and his fans, Katsumi's fans are pretty chill but they all heavily simp for him. He has tons of TikTok edits of him laughing at something on stream or working out with short shorts on. WAIT. There's probably an edit of him where he's just looking cute and the audio is "pussy tight pussy clean pussy fresh" THAT'S THE SHIT HIS FANS DO. He's gotten a lot of popularity for being pretty, funny, AND strong. The whole package.

• His rage certainly isn't as unbridled and scary as Katou's is, but there might've been a time he got unreasonably angry at a rage bait game and broke something in a fit of rage. Fans call it "The Incident."

• His collabs with Katou are GOLDEN. There are whole accounts dedicated to funny clips of them doing bits or just talking about dumb shit. They're really funny together.

Retsu

• He's not particularly the type to indulge in new age technology stuff but I have a silly idea that he records how to cook or bake Chinese cuisine.

• Whenever he gets a nice comment on a stream, he bows and thanks the person. He's very formal and respectful. His fans think it's real cute.

• His cooking tutorials are very easy to follow and his gentle but assertive way of speaking in them make them even better.

• Sometimes to fill in the silence, he'll tell little stories from the Shinshinkai or from his childhood of constant training etc etc. These all have given him a dedicated fanbase of people who absolutely adore him and his stories.

• Honestly, most people watch his videos for a stress reliever or just for fun.

• He's incredibly good at cooking. The finished plate always looks heavenly.

• Occasionally someone from the Shinshinkai would join him and spice up the video. I imagine the whole stupid Karate trio showed up before and ruined everything. Almost burnt the whole place down. It's a pretty beloved episode though because of how many funny moments there were.

Hector

• He kind of reminds me of Noriaki Kakyoin so in this AU lets say hes a heavy gamer.

• I like to think instead of the customary combat game, he likes horror games and stuff like that. He's probably streamed Dead by Daylight, Silent Hill and Outlast on his channel. And again, he's really good at these games, especially at Dead by Daylight. He loves to be the killer and he wins like 80% of the time.

• I see him watching an important characters death scene with a complete straight face. When the cut scene ends he just continues doing what he was doing. This has been clipped and went viral.

• His fans are all really chill to match his energy. But they do like to tease him and joke around in chat to get an emotion out of him. I just know they make fun of him for being British I just know it.

• Similar to Jack, he doesn't talk a crazy amount. He's usually focusing on the game, but he will talk about various things that have to do with the gameplay or monsters/players.

• He definitely has used mods or some kind of cheat in a game a couple times. He doesn't particularly need them most of the time, he just likes playing dirty.

• He's definitely collabed with Katsumi a good amount of times. Katsumi gets Hector joking around and talking more, their fans think their dynamic is super cute, they have a lot of funny moments with each other.

• Yes, there are people who ship the two, what of it.

• I bet him and Katsumi have a whole separate fandom of 13 year olds who draw shitty ship art of the two of them.

• I also feel like he's collabed with Katou too. I think they would have a really silly friendship. They are almost complete opposites of each other, but they both love to be smug and play dirty. They're real funny together.

Imagine Katou, Katsumi, and Suedou playing Phasmophobia wouldn't that be hilarious. Katou would always shut doors on the two of them and hope the ghost locks them in behind him and kills them. Suedou literally just gets shit done (strangely efficient) but whenever the ghost appears he immediately confronts it and tells it to fuck off. He's died a lot to this. Katsumi is TERRIFIED of ghosts, real or not. Whenever he sees the entity he immediately runs in the other direction. He pretends to be brave the whole way through but Suedou and Katou know the truth. The two of them definitely left Katsumi behind by accident then went back to the door of the building and heard Katsumi's muffled screams from the other side. They have never laughed so hard in their lives.

[sukirichi]

fall from grace

“If you were in love,” he began, voice barely above a whisper, “What would be the most beautiful thing those lips of yours would utter?”

“Your name.”

REQUEST/WARNINGS. (royal au, mutual pining, praise kink ) fake dating au, mirror sex, slight manhandling, fingering, body marking, prejudice, mentions of abuse, injustice, and inequality + unedited (I’m so lazy to edit tbh, I’m so sorry, just bear with me if there are typos or grammatical errors)

NOTES. I LOVE AND HATE THIS STORY

WC. 7k+

SONG INSPO. Ashes (Celine Dion)

The prince himself lifted his chin up higher; long, slender fingers deftly grazing against the pad of your knuckles that were pressed on his chest. 

The tips of your ears burned at the sight of people pausing from their conversations all to witness the scene – one that was so rare to have come from the infamous Crown Prince known to have bedded more women than he could count.

“Your Highness,” you pinched your brows together, leaning closer into him to bring you the least bit of comfort. The dress you had to wear today had nothing but itchy lace; albeit elegant, you preferred the loose materials of your dance clothes, painted red lips fighting back a grimace. “Must we really do this in public?”

The Crown Prince laughs, his white hair fluttering against the soft kisses of the wind. Beautiful, you think, beautiful, you are reminded, prompting you to dig your free hand deeper into the flesh of your thighs.

“What would be the point of our ruse if we are not a little flashy, My Lady?”

You frowned at his words, head ducked down as you avoided everyone’s prying eyes. You supposed you should be used to this – you are a performer, after all – but the attention was terribly unwelcomed yet expected from your previous agreements.

The said agreement, however, did not affect your standing as a person, something you had to remind the happy-go-lucky Prince. “I am not of that title.”

“People regard you of it,” he commented at an off-beat, his crystalline eyes sweeping over the crowd with a chilling command, a slight bite of a challenge that asked his people to dare him. When they shifted away, scurrying behind fluffed up skirts and pressed down suits, the Crown Prince snickered, smiling down at you with a flash of his pearly whites. “You are, after all, hanging prettily off my arm.”

“Because you asked me to, Your Highness.”

“Ah, are you forgetting already?” he paused, his long and elegant stature towering over yours. “I’m doing this for the both of us. The agreement was clear – you steered me away from my arranged marriage, redeem my nettling reputation, and in turn, I shall pick you up from where you’ve fallen,” your lips parted in protest, finger raised to correct that no, you had not fallen, that was not the situation at all, but he silenced you when he leaned down close enough that his eyes twinkled before you, lips turned at the side arrogantly. “In fact, I am more than capable of providing you more than that.”

“I am well aware of that, Your Highness. I truly am indebted to you.”

Should you be humiliated? Forming an agreement with the Crown Prince would be the last thing that would ever arrive even in your craziest dreams, yet there you were, in the middle of the town square, leisurely strolling with the Kingdom’s heir as if it was but a daily occurrence.

Thoughts running back to your latest predicament – which he just had to bear witness to – you winced, swallowing the resigned sigh that threatened to spill.

You did not have enough shame in you to be humiliated, not when he was right. It was a mutually beneficial agreement.

“You do not have to be,” Prince Satoru blinked at you, gray lashes fluttered against the pads of his cheeks. “I take extreme pleasure in saving a damsel in distress,” Your lips puckered out, tireless with the need to tell him it wasn’t like that, and the Prince easily read through you, tugging you back into his arm as he laughed. “Even when I know you are not. Still, it does feel nice to take a walk in this fine day, don’t you think?”

You snorted at the heavy sarcasm under his sweet tone, “It feels a little embarrassing.”

“You feel embarrassed that you’re with me?”

“Yes,” you gritted at your teeth, the lace of your gloves digging into your flesh. You wanted nothing more than to rip it off, the material a silent reminder of the requirement that must be met to fool the crowd. “You’re a prince and I am—”

“I thought we already established titles mean nothing when we both mutually benefit from one another,” he cut you off, hands coming up to caress at your cheeks. You immediately froze at his touch, the iciness behind those eyes doing nothing to soothe you until he spoke, the Prince’s words oddly gentle and warm like the sun that shone down on you that fine day. “Worry not about that. I do not care what people think of you. All I care is that you do well and I shall do my part gracefully in return,” he declared for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.

Back then, you never believed that people had power just because they were born with it. Power had to be manifested, trained, earned – yet Prince Satoru wielded it with his lips so effortlessly that in that moment, you believed magic really wasn’t a myth.

“Kiss me.”

“Wh-what?”

“Everyone is looking,” his eyes darted over the on looking crowd, his bare hand still caressing your warm cheeks, hot enough that it put the sun to shame. “Lest you want this plan to fail, I suggest you kiss me, darling. Passionately.”

The Crown Prince was right. Everyone was looking.

Your body’s response was instantaneous. A hiss of a breath, muscles tensed and fingers curled into a fist at your side; you could feel bile rising from your throat out of panic.

Then Prince Satoru leaned forwards, eyes snapped shut and his lips colliding with yours. The single touch had all the tension flooding away as you kissed the Prince, his lips tasting of cinnamon and sugar, vanilla and spice wafting off of him delicately that you had to fist at the collar of his shirt to prevent yourself from gobbling him up whole.

He would find that rather displeasing, claiming that you had little to no table manners, so you forced yourself to relax as he breathed air into your mouth, large hands cradled around your neck.

“I’ve got you,” he mumbled between kisses, the mere scent of royalty and forbidden elegance dripping off of him making you fearful to open your eyes. It felt illegal to touch the most wanted bachelor in your Kingdom this way, felt wrong to have his hands roaming down the slopes of your body while everyone looked at your shameless public display of faux romance. But if it was wrong, then why did he hold you so tenderly, not moving to push you away even as you nipped at his lips once more?

“You’re alright – I’ve got you.”

It was not easy being a no-name ballerina. You’ve crafted your skill for what seemed like your whole life, yet getting even a step closer to your dreams proved to be a daunting task. Even as your toes bruised and your muscles ached, pants heaved from your chest while you bended your body at will, you couldn’t stop thinking about how no one told you it was never easy to reach your dreams.

The fairytales had lied to you. They made it seem to easy to grab a star, never really explaining on how to be a star.

It felt so far away – the galaxy and universe you’d longer your entire life to be a part of – yet the Crown Prince stood at the corner of your studio, eyes dark as he watched you sway to the music.

A few weeks prior to your spontaneous arrangement, you were foolish enough to believe you could become that star easily. You were the lowest of ranks when it came to other girls; orphaned, no-named, broke, and loveless. 

Unlike your peers that were bred of the finest titles and fed with silver spoons, nannies and courts running after them in their growing years, you had to survive on scraps, taking three jobs at the young age of thirteen just to get into dance school and afford the fees.

You believed title or ranking shouldn’t have had to do anything with talent and worth, but then again, you were foolish beyond your years.

The moment you heard you were chosen to be the Black Swan of this season, allowing you to debut, you squealed behind your skirt, training day and night to the point you’ve skipped your meals just to perfect your routine.

That was until your classmates’ parents had come inside the school, twirling their moustaches behind soft fingers that had never known a day’s worth of work, belly round with cupcakes and all the delicacies only they were privileged enough to eat, the nervous laughter of your ballet master enough to let you know what it all meant.

Your classmate – the prettiest and the richest one – came rushing past you as she giggled over the announcement that she would be the Black Swan.

She was far many years younger than you, spoiled and with an attitude that tasted as bad as your leftovers, and definitely not skilled enough to debut – but of course, nothing was ever impossible enough with money, right? Before you could even defend yourself, your ballet master had cleaned out your quarters, your skirts and shoes thrown onto the muddy dirt while you cried under the rain, begging for another chance.

Second chances? You wanted to laugh.

Only people who did wrong should ask for it, and yet you sat there on your knees, hands clasped in a prayer that should only be reserved for wish bearers, desperate pleads of please don’t do this to me echoing into the empty night.

Was it fate then that the Crown Prince was half drunk inside his vehicle, shades slipping off his nose as he turned your way, your cries rudely interrupting the music blaring inside his car?

Perhaps it was – a cruel or a wonderful fate; no one could tell – the only thing that mattered now was that the Crown Prince had yet again found interest in a woman.

Only this time he didn’t lust after their body, wished nothing to do with their hands on his, completely sober around your presence as he watched you train endlessly in your studio, your sweat making your clothes stick like a second skin.

Prince Satoru leaned back against the walls then.

He should’ve brought a drink with him. Had he known that watching you dance sensually with such a blissed out expression he was mostly familiar with when he had his legs wrapped around another warm body would set his body alight, sober, then he would’ve left long ago.

Still, the Prince is rendered frozen at the edge, eyes trailing over your graceful form as you bended, legs flying out into the air while you arms dipped and curved into the most graceful of arcs and bows that put his combat figures into shame.

You weren’t even trying to seduce him and yet he was wholly captivated.

He wants to say that the woman he saw that rainy night and the woman stood before him now, figure bathed in the small slivers of sunlight that peeked through the blinds and stockings hugging each and every curve and dip of your body were entirely two different people, but the longer he looked, there was no mistaking it was still the same person. The passion burned through your eyes, the soft melodious tunes of the music guiding you – or rather you guiding the beat before you fluttered to another.

Prince Satoru smiled.

It first came off as a joke that he wanted to know more about you – his pretend lover – because everyone knew the Crown Prince was too frivolous to ever settle down and find interest in a woman beyond her looks. The confused pout you gave him as he followed you inside your studio burned at the back of his brain, a silent warning that you were different; that you were not someone he could touch lest he wished to burn and break you, though that would be a lie, it seemed.

For every strong ripple of your muscles and flowy movement of your body as you completely delved into the space of your own home and comfort, the Prince knew – you were not someone he could crush into the palm of his hands.

He came here out of boredom.

He left the studio with a confused heart, cheeks resting on his palm as he asked his chauffer, when is the next show?

The birds chirped above you, your fingers stretched out as you peeked from under it, lips pressed into a flat line. You were in the royal garden after persistent invitation from the Crown Prince himself. Speaking of, said Crown Prince had his limbs sprawled out beneath you, the edges of his hands slightly playing with the frills of your dress as he took his afternoon nap, a youthful smile on his face.

“Your Highness,” you huffed out, “What are we doing here? No one is looking. There is no need for us to continue our act.”

“I know,” he cheered a little too brightly for someone that looked to be deep in dreamland, “I just wanted to hang out with you without worrying about others. Not that I ever did, but it’s nice to be alone with you every once in a while. The prying eyes can get a bit too much.”

You hummed at the thought; he did have a point. This arrangement turned out to be a lot smoother than expected. The Crown Prince wasn’t lying about his intentions and not once had he laid a hand on you – without your permission, anyway – and he turned out to be…a lot more docile and easy going than what you originally thought of him. Not that you had much thoughts to begin with anyway, the Prince was a celebrity and therefore not someone that concerned you.

In your mind, he was merely your leader, more often than a not a name spoken between hushed whispers and dreamy moans.

This side of him was different, and all the time you’d spent him with was filled with nothing but ridiculed stares and taunts. The Crown Prince was a hilarious man who never feared trying out new things, always happy and eager to try exotic foods with you in the night markets or joining you in your spontaneous dancing during midnight ‘dates.’

He was the closest you could consider as a friend, and you relaxed against him, laying down on the flowery fields right next to him as you sighed in content. “I will miss this, Your Highness.”

“Miss what?”

“You and I – hanging out,” you mumbled a little dreamily, “I have a strong feeling things will finally get better for me. When I get scouted by a better company, I won’t be able to hang out with you anymore,” Silence befell the both upon you, the rustling of the wind against the flowers sounding like a far off memory. Soon, it would be. “I will miss this.”

“You could always call me. Or who knows, maybe I’d even drop by to watch your performances sometime.”

You snapped your eyes open, chuckling when the Prince had now sat up halfway, his regal face cradled in his hands while his elbow laid flat under him. He blinked innocently at you, and that’s when you realized – he was serious. That had you bursting into laughter, hands clutched at your stomach. “Please, you? You do not even enjoy ballerina!”

“I enjoy watching you,” he confessed in a heartbeat, his gaze falling from your crinkled eyes and all the way down to the silhouette of your body. “There’s something about the way you move that’s just so graceful and...phenomenal.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his heated gaze, the mere trails of his sight enough to warm your entire skin despite the cool wind. This was the Prince concerned though, and you had to guard your heart, eyes narrowed playfully at him while you desperately ignored the need to rub your thighs together.

“Are you flirting with me, Your Highness?”

The Prince snorted, “Flirt with you? My pretend girlfriend?” he clutched a hand at his chest as if the assumption offended him, “What makes you come to that conclusion?”

You chucked your handkerchief at him, still a little in disbelief that you were greeted by his laughter when it hit him right in the face.

You would miss this indeed.

Your gaze softened as you sat up, thighs pressed to your chest as you directed your gaze up in the sky. Prince Satoru may not always be around when the time came, but at least you still had the sky to remind you of this brazen and unexpected friendship that helped you grow.

“Thank you, though,” you squished your cheeks onto your knees, a lilted smile plastered on your face. “Dancing has always been a passion of mine. I can’t ever imagine a time of my life where I wasn’t moving with music. It almost feels as if I was destined with it; it speaks to me and deeper than the recesses of my bones, guides me until I’m one and entangled with it,” you ended with a dreamy sigh, turning your head to the side to look His Highness in the eye, stilling for a moment when you’re met with his solemn gaze.

Your throat parched dry. “Have you ever fallen in love with something like that before?”

“I don’t think so,” one of his shoulders lifted up in a lame shrug, voice turning deep and husky as he asked, “How do you know when you lack something or not?”

“If it comes to love...” you tapped your chin with a finger, “I think a life lived without one would feel quite empty. Hollow, I would say, and the skies would just be a plain blue instead of a calming yet mesmerizing one,” the courage that soared within you was an unexpected one, but it was enough to let you look him in the eye, form vulnerable and words slipping past your lips before you could control them. “If I were incapable of love, I’d say your eyes are nothing but gleams of sapphire.”

“And if you were capable of it? What would my eyes be?”

“Like cerulean galaxies crashing against one another,” you whispered, “Stardust sprinkled and heavens birthed out of passion and the desire to be something more. You’d be azure and brazen instead of crestfallen; the magnificence of the universe’s creation attesting to itself that it is wholly capable of designing divine beings.”

“Hmm,” he tipped his head to the side as he mulled over your words. His jacket was discarded somewhere along the grass, top three buttons of his shirt left opened and hair rustling with the wind. Beautiful, the image etched into your skin. “Are you sure you are a dancer and not a poet?”

“People say all sorts of beautiful things when they’re in love.”

The Prince straightened up, lips pursed. For a moment, you grew fearful, your heart frantically thumping in your chest as you thought, this is it – this is when he pushes you away. He does nothing of this as he scoots closer to you, using his rough thumb to tilt your chin until you were looking up at him, wide eyes sparkling – the sight of you vulnerable like this making the Crown Prince lick his lips.

“If you were in love,” he began, voice barely above a whisper, “What would be the most beautiful thing those lips of yours would utter?” You shivered as his thumb moved up to graze at your bottom lip, almost prompting it to jut out, to which you happily complied with a shaky breath. “What would you say then?”

“Your name.”

The Prince smiled to himself at your hearty answer. To hide both of your nervous chuckles, the Prince took it upon himself to ease both your worries as he kissed you, nothing but the warmth and fluttering of butterflies rampaging in your stomach mixing at his sweet taste.

Beautiful, you hummed into his mouth. You could fall for as long as you wanted, but would the Prince ever fall from grace as he moaned into your mouth, tugging you until you were situated in his lap, arms wrapped tight enough around you in refusal to let you go? Maybe, your mind sighed, hands tugging at his hair when the Prince kissed you fervently, murmuring one word that made you melt right then and there.

Beautiful, he finds you.

Both your loud laughter echoed in his training grounds, the horses’ hooves padding against the firm earth. “Not fast enough, my Lady,” he taunts, his smile bright and wide as he sat perched atop his white stallion. “How would you catch my heart if you cannot ride faster?”

“I will catch up to you, just wait and see! Not everyone grew up riding horses, you know?”

“I bet a fine coin you do ride well, though, my Lady,” he remarked with a wink, his statement enough to tap the sides of your feet harder against your horse to catch after him.

“Your Highness!”

As you two chased around each other the wide field, carefree laughter and clothes swaying against the wind, skin warm from the flush of the sun, the Crown Prince’s servants stood at the side.

A particular woman – the servant that had been loyal long before the Prince was born – remained under a parasol, her wrinkled face tight with a frown.

“How nauseating,” she scrunched her nose, arms crossed on her chest. “To think I dedicated my life into raising the little prince to be a fine king someday, and his future would be tainted by a lowly performer who cannot even make a name for herself,” turning to one of the young boy servants, she narrowed her eyes at you. “Where does she work again? Is she of name?”

“She is an orphan, Madam, taken in at a young age in a dance school before she had to pay the fees herself, if the rumors are correct. I heard that she and His Highness met when she was kicked out by her own ballet master due to her stealing the original Black Swan spot for this season’s show.”

His old nanny’s face grew more gruesome. “Wasn’t the Black Swan supposed to be one of the Earl’s daughters?”

“Yes. Rumours had it that His Highness’ new plaything seized the spot to prove herself. Look at how that plan backfired.”

“How repulsive,” she spat out, venom laced in her tongue.

The roles had reversed, the Crown Prince insistent in catching you this time around, and you rode after him with panicked laughter, hands clutched tight on the reins. Although you’d only swished past the small group of servants that always seemed to be around, you’d heard enough.

“We must protect His Highness at all costs before this wretched woman rips his future away from him. The fate of the kingdom lies on his shoulders; we cannot afford him making mistakes.”

“Indeed, Madam.”

You stopped in your tracks until the horse slowed down with confused huffs, your Prince following behind you not long afterwards. Looking back at him again, you were no longer able to smile at him genuinely, not when discomfort, and most of all shame, had to be forced down deep into your system. Beautiful, you resigned, he was too beautiful.

His servants were right. Maybe you really were ruining everything for him. His reputation was frowned upon to begin with for his less than infamous sexual endeavors, that he was more often sighted in casinos and bars instead of his study room.

The barrack guards had grown tired and weary of trying to stop the Crown Prince from leaving the royal grounds. No matter what they did, he always found a way to escape.

The only difference this time around was that their Prince no longer frequented such sinful places and met with women of all titles and backgrounds. No, this time, the Prince leapt from the tall walls that had never been much of a challenge considering his tall frame, not bothering to get a car or even a horse as he dashed straight to your studio.

Sweat dripped down from your face as you slammed a fist on the floor, tears about to erupt. You couldn’t complete this routine that you were so close into perfecting.

Your mind was simply just in a mess.

There was a conflicting war inside you – one with your heart that yearned to stay longer in His Highness’ presence out of mere selfishness, and one with your mind that told you it was dishnoroubale to taint his name like this. The last thing you wanted was to destroy and push both of you even further into falling from grace; both reputations and name already tarnished.

You’d truly be heartless if you kept going on.

But that didn’t change the fact that you were feeling comfortable with him, having found home in the Crown Prince’s warm arms and spontaneous kisses of all places.

Was it absurd? Undoubtedly so.

Could it be helped? You certainly could try.

And you’d been doing a great job so far; quite a daunting task you patted yourself in the back for. Avoiding the Prince when he’d made it clear he also enjoyed your company proved a lot harder than reaching your dreams, but you pushed through, locking yourself in the unused studio and training day and night.

It wasn’t working well – not on your part, anyway. You’d been here for hours, your clothes uncomfortably sticking to your skin and your water bottles were all emptied.

You’d never felt this tired.

You fell on your knees, palms flat on the floor and sweat salty as it trailed down to your lips. With a groan, you untied your shoes off and stared at the bruised and blued toes, a witness to the countless years of hard work. Your lip quivered as you massaged the sore muscles, tears about to spill as you remembered the Prince.

Beautiful, he was, flawless and porcelain in each movement and breath.

But you? You were battered, scarred, broken and bruised – why would he want you of all people? It was clear he’s had multiple lovers before you. No, scratch that, you were never a lover to begin with. It was all a sham, an agreement formed out of lame survival. There was no beauty in a lie.

The music playing from your stereo kept repeating on loop, this time the tune no longer unrecognizable as your soft cries echoed around the studio. You weren’t beautiful – not enough for him, at least – everyone made that very clear to you.

Just as you wiped your tears away at the back of your hand, standing up to continue another set as you refused to come back home without completing one perfect routine, the doors slammed open. Heavy breathing entered afterwards and you scowled – you worked tooth and bone to claim this place as yours, who dared enter? “This studio is private—” your words fell dry on your skin when a tuft of white hair trudged over to you, his usual placid face replaced with a firm sneer. “Y-Your Highness?”

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

His voice was nothing but demanding, the authority behind them only natural and befitting for someone like him. Each step he took forwards equated to a step backward until your back hit the mirrors, eyes wide as you gazed up at him.

Your voice came out weak. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t act like I’m stupid,” he pointed a finger at you, then scoffed, hands running through the soft locks of his air while he shook his head. You stood there grasping at your tights; having never seen the Prince lose his composure before. “I know you’ve been avoiding me. Every time I try to contact you, you never respond. When I ask your friends where you’ve been, they all tell me you’re busy practicing.”

Somehow, you managed to find your voice again, tone heavy and biting. “I am busy practicing, do you not see that?”

“It’s not the only thing you’re occupied with. Clearly, you are quite determined to stay away from me too,” he bellowed, his loud voice bouncing back from the emptiness of the room. The booming sound must’ve snapped him back to consciousness because Prince Satoru sighed, stepping closer until his warm hand cupped your cheek, starry blue eyes filled with worry and anguish. Had you caused this?

Beautiful, you frowned, that even in his demise he managed to look like fine art. “Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?” he softened, breath warm on your lips. “If yes, then tell me and I’ll do everything it takes to make up for it.”

You fisted his shirt; cheek faced his way because you couldn’t look him in the eye right now. There was no way you’d let him see you cry.

“I don’t understand you, Your Highness,” you murmured, “You’re about to be King – why do you bother yourself with someone like me? I’m nothing compared to you, and I detest being compared to you for I am more than worthy despite not being born of a high ranking like yours.”

Prince Satoru froze. “Is this what this is about? My title bothers you?”

“We should stop whatever we’re doing,” was all you said, pushing him away as gently as you could, ignoring the gnawing pain that grew inside of you when your palms landed on his chest. “It is lowly of me to take advantage of the Crown Prince’s kindness anyway. My success should be paved out of my own hard work and not because of my lame connections to the Crown Prince.”

“Lame connections? Is that all I am to you?”

“You are my Crown Prince, Your Highness,” you reminded him of the stark difference firmly, “You mean a lot to your people, but I do not mean anything to you. I am just another nameless performer lost in the crowd of a thousand other girls who wish to reach their dreams, even if such a star is far beyond our reach,” Tears had now fallen until they formed into crystals on your cheeks, and he blinked back, unsure of what to do. “Could you ever understand what that feels like? To yearn for something you know you could never have but hope for anyway?”

“It would be a lie if I said I did,” he admitted quietly, “But I think I’m beginning to understand. It would make sense to me now – if you keep pushing me away, that is.”

You shook your head begrudgingly. “Your Highness...we shouldn’t.”

“And why not? Who said we couldn’t?”

You don’t stop him this time when he stepped closer once more, trapping you between his arms until you clutched desperately at his shirt, his erratic heartbeat pulsing under your touch. “It’s just you and I – neither a prince nor a performer – simply man and woman who crave each other’s touch. What could be so wrong into giving into one’s desires?” you gasped when his lips fell at the juncture of your neck, your head immediately tilting to the side as you allowed him to ravage you. “You still haven’t given me the chance to let you know what I feel,” he cradled your jaw, caressing your skin as he breathed you’re your ear, voice low and sultry, begging even, “Would you really deny me the pleasure of showing you how beautiful you are to me right now?”

“Satoru,” you keened at his teeth tugging at your skin, fists clenched on shirt. “Touch me.”

“That’s all I ever wanted to do, darling.”

Satoru swept down to capture your lips in his, his grip firm on the swell of your ass he kept you close to him, pressed hip to hip and his hardened front grazing your core through the tights. He pulled a moan from you as he flipped your body over, lips finding home in your neck while his large hand cupped your breast, the other trailing down to finger at your clothed, damp pussy.

In this angle, you could see the despondent way you easily spread your legs for him, your pants like music to ears.

“Do you still not believe me when I say you are worth more than a pound of gold? Look at you – your dripping cunt shines harder than the diamonds I keep in my room,” the both of you groaned when he pushed a finger through your hole, your tights stretching and sucked in by your walls enough to outline the arousal that seeped through. “Maybe I should keep you instead, hmm, don’t you think? You’d be a far grander treasure than all those riches.”

“I am a woman,” you tugged at his hair, panting heavily as he kept fingering into you, his thumb grazing at the sensitive bundle of nerves that swelled under your tight clothes. “I am not to be reduced to a possession you acquire.”

“No, of course not. Nothing could ever replace you in this world,” he growled, harsh in his movements as he tore your clothes with minimal effort.

You yelped when your precious tights had been ripped to the sides, a hole revealing your core and your breasts barely covered with the flimsy fabric. Satoru shuffled his pants down before placing you right on his cock, swallowing your moans with each inch of his length that slid inside you.

Hands dug painfully into his hair, Satoru hissed at the pain, grinning to himself at how wet you were through just light touches and a sloppy kiss. You’ve been good for him, though, you were always good for him that he had to reward you, show you how beautiful you were, and he spread his legs apart, relishing in the sight of you being fucked onto his cock.

“Nothing feels better than your tight pussy, huh? Take a good look at yourself, you’re so fucking precious, taking me so well,” you could only moan in response, unable to take your eyes off the way his length disappeared inside you, a shiver chilling your spine when he grasped at your breasts, nipples tweaked between his fingers. “Nothing, nothing, nothing could compare to this. You feel like heaven, taste like bliss and forgiveness,” he licked at the salty sweat that drowned your body, one of his hands now rolling your clit between his fingers. You screamed, bouncing yourself harder on him with your nails dug deep into his thighs. “You will be the redemption of my darkened soul, are you not?”

“Maybe I will be,” you cried out, head lolled onto his shoulder.

Satoru hummed, his eyes dark and coated with lust when your breasts bounced in front of the mirror. Thanks to years of dancing, you barely felt a stretch when Satoru suddenly lifted your legs up until your thighs were embarrassingly squished against your chest. You knew why he did this; it wasn’t that hard to understand why when he narrowed his focus on the way your juices slipped down his cock, the sounds of your pussy squelching drowning out the operatic music.

Satoru kissed your cheeks to wipe your previous tears away, his hands nothing but grabby and possessive as he gripped the flesh of your thigh. “You already are, sweet thing.”

Pleasure had completely taken over you at this point, that familiar heat building up in your stomach until it snapped into two. Pupils blown wide open, you gasped as you came all over him, your cum creaming down onto his cock until it lined with a thick ring of cum.

It was filthy to say the least, and your body burned at the thought that you were disrespecting him, defiling him with the mess you’ve made. But the Prince only fucked into you harder, his teeth grazing at your already abused skin with relentless and merciless thrusts. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d show you how beautiful he found you, going hell and beyond because you felt nothing but worshipped when he kissed you feverishly, his moans romantic as he came. “S-Satoru!”

“That’s right,” he slipped a finger, the stretch adding a slight tinge of pain that had your hips rutting out in sensitivity, your hole clenching around his everything. “Cum for me. Come on, I know you can do it for me. You’re so good, sweetheart, come for me.”

You were mindlessly babbling his name as both of you came down from your highs. Satoru doesn’t stop once from running hands everywhere, gripping your hips, flicking your nipples, rubbing your clit, and running a finger down your slit to wipe your juices everywhere. It had become too much that you had to push his hand away, legs locking around his arms that refused to stop cupping your pussy.

“Do you see how beautiful you are?” he cooed, shameless and teasing when he brought his hands up to your face, fingers stretched to show the webbing of your arousal between them. “We made such a mess,” he chuckled, his kisses a lot softer now on your neck.

Beautiful, you whimpered internally as you fluttered around nothing.

Satoru must’ve grown an addiction to kissing your lips for he dived in one last time, murmuring the word you always tied him with until they felt printed, tattooed, on your skin. You closed your eyes and allowed yourself to bask in this, your kisses slow and sensual as you both enjoyed this serene moment.

He came to this studio to prove you something.

He left the studio with a swelling heart, cheeks resting on your breast as he wrapped his arms around you in the comfort of your worn-out mattress as he asked, can I stay here longer with you?

The cheers and applause directed your way were deafening, the spotlight blinding as you bowed. You gasped for air, every muscle in your body screaming both with delight and exhaustion.

You could barely fathom the crowd hidden in darkness before you, the sight like a black sea, but instead of feeling like you were drowning, you don’t think you’d ever been able to breathe this well before. The smile on your face was bright – brighter than the star you’ve become and bigger than the galaxy and universe you’ve made for yourself – and you waved your arm gracefully, toes pointed outwards while the roses and flowers thrown your way came flooding like a waterfall.

You’d made it.

And through the crowd, at the back where someone the likes of him wasn’t supposed to be, His Majesty’s white hair stuck out like a sore thumb. His draperies were replaced with finer ornaments of gold embroidery, those large hands that had grown accustomed to holding yours and marking handprints on your delicate skin covered with gloves as he applauded, following the crowd from where they all stood.

Your smile directed him was nothing less of a beam, the stars he’d hung for you reflecting back in your eyes. Tears blurred the vision of him for a moment until you saw him again – crystal clear – his expression both proud and longing.

The memory of you and him had been a beautiful one, but it was distant and with each passing day, it blurred until it became nothing like swirls of I love you’s and good luck’s whispered onto one another’s skin. Your heart still soared and broke each time at the sight of him, the majestic Queen hanging off the arm that was locked with yours just years ago a painful reminder that there would always be an invisible divide between you and the Prince you’d fallen in love with.

There was no regret, however, in where things had led. You knew he loved his kind wife as much as he loved you, and he knew you loved him as much as you loved your career, and things were simply just…meant to be this way, you concluded.

It was never supposed to be a great love story that told of breaking traditions. Not all stories were meant to go against the odds; some were told to show that people could be capable of change without having to change anything. You were thankful, still so extremely grateful you met your beloved Prince even as he left the theatre before people crowded around him, leaving you to your devices until you retired back into the changing room, a set of rare flowers only a certain person could afford.

Beautiful, you cried as you picked up the card, his once messy scrawls improved into a neater cursive befitting for the new King.

And so it was that you parted ways, with him leading his country into further prosperity while you moved away and stole people’s hearts with each phenomenal show, one after the other.

Your summer rendezvous with the Prince was not meant to be a love story that went against all odds; you were there to save each other from reaching damnation, loving one another as passionately as your souls were able to until you picked each other back up.

Once the other stood firm, tall, and ready to take on the world with their bare hands, you pushed one another in your respective directions.

Beautiful, you smiled as you clutched at his present close to your heart where he’d built a garden out of itself, that we’d saved each other from falling from grace.

[zhongwans]

I read zzh deleted weibo because arguments over 718 pics? Do you know what happened?

I was dreading this question. Yeah, I know. The pictures on that post were taken on the night of the Hengdian fanmeet and were uploaded by his studio weibo afterwards. Some photos had just him and some had him with GJ. That pic of them sitting on a bench, holding each other's names was from this post.

ZZH's solo fans were very pissed about this and demanded the studio to take it down. They bombarded it with comments and reported it en masse to attract the censors. The way weibo works is that if a post gets reported enough, it will be taken down automatically and then be investigated at a later time. Don't worry though, the censors would not actually find anything wrong with this post (because there's literally nothing wrong with it, ugh) the goal of those fans was simply to have it taken down, not to cause any real harm to ZZH. Although I've no doubt all the shitty things they said must've have really hurt him, anyway. And they really had the nerve to call themselves fans. 🙃🙃🙃

So many harsh comments were posted on his own weibo, not just the studio's, but the most well-known ones were his toxic "fans" telling him (and also GJ) to go see a psychologist. You probably already get what they were implying. ZZH got into a fight on weibo with his fans by arguing back. Mostly it was him telling them not to tell him what to do, etc etc. Just know that it was bad. And ZZH was obviously very irritated about being told what he could or could not post. But before all that drama with the studio post, his fans were already unsettled because of something he posted on his weibo and oasis account. It was pics of him from after the fanmeet with a very (???) caption: "I don't have even a single drop left" (我一滴也没有了)

It could mean anything, okay! 😂 Maybe he was exhausted or he was talking about that drink in the photo!!! But if it sounded dirty in your head, then that's exactly what a lot of fans thought too, because it sounds just as suggestive in Chinese. And so around an hour after that, his studio posted those photos with GJ so...yeah. It didn't end well with the fans who already had their own conclusions drawn up in their heads. Weeks prior to this, their fans were already complaining that they seemed too close, so you could say that the fanmeet post was just the explosion of a problem that was already there.

The incident where ZZH deleted his weibo was at a different time, not that one. It was when WOH was wrapping up filming at the end of August and his fans told him to start another production ASAP, and to cut his long hair so he can quickly "forget Zhou Zishu" and get out of character. The implication there is that they want him to "forget Wen Kexing" as well, cause some of his fans back then believed that he was too in character and that he really "fell in love with Wen Kexing". Anyway, yes, fans really can be that insane and annoying. If you're angry now, imagine how pissed I was watching all that stupidity go down. They also instructed him (very rudely, at that) to cut off all ties with GJ after the end of WOH.

ZZH, understandably, lost his temper and then argued with them. He then told them that he's going to remember all the names of the fans who told him to start another drama quickly in order to forget Zhou Zishu. ZZH's profile now has been set to only show the past six months so those posts and comments can no longer be accessed, but there are plenty of screenshots on douban. You can go look for them yourself if you wish cause I'm lazy sorry but I remember his exact words to this day because he seemed really hurt and it still pisses me off when I remember it. He said: 说无缝进组的我一个个都记住了 "Those who said to film other dramas immediately, I'll remember your names,"

Then he went to Instagram and said he was going to delete his weibo app. You can still see that post. I posted the screenshot up there but you can go on his IG profile right now and still see it there.

[siempre-bucky]

I.I.G.Y.M.H.W.Y.T.I.A.M.M.T.H.M.I.T.W?

COWBOY!BUCKY X READER

♡if I gave you my hand would you take it and make me the happiest man in the world?

Summary: Nat and Wanda take the reader post break up to The Stark Ranch, a beautiful little place in the lush green countryside. God she hated it, she didn't want to be here only wanted him back. With one dip of a black cowboy hat and a deep-voiced greeting, the readers brooding would have to wait.

Part 1 of 3

Warnings: light mentions of past abuse,

WC: 3.8k

A/N: there was a tiktok and it was just cowboy Sebastian Stan and this fucking song!! Here's a thing I can't stop thinking about! I edited this the best I could.

In the long, rich history of bad ideas, this had to be the worst idea anyone has ever had. Here she was, squished in between her best friends in the back of an Uber. An old country song from the 60s played on the radio as the two redheads gushed about the small town they were driving through. The most popular restaurant back in Brooklyn probably had more people inside it than this little country town.

"Are you done brooding?" Wanda complains, her Sokovian accent purely intensified the distaste in her tone.

"All I want is John, back," Y/N mutters bitterly, her jaw clenched, sinking lower into the seat. Both women roll their eyes at her comment.

"You haven't stopped mentioning Walker since we got off the plane. It's been 2 months Y/N," Natasha reminds her, checking her watch that was peaking from her black leather jacket. "Don't forget this is why we're here! A getaway is just what you need."

Has it already been 2 months? It only felt like 2 weeks since he left. His last words still sent a chill down her spine "Did you really expect me not to cheat, Y/N? It's New York, get used to it, babe." Y/N shakes her head, trying to get that man's callous words out of her head. She felt like she was already at the acceptance of the grieving process. She clearly wasn't there.

Natasha suddenly gasps, the Stark Ranch coming into view with its black iron gates, its name the biggest thing on it. Y/N looks in Nat's direction, the 4 story red and yellow inn sat in the middle of a long dirt road and was nuzzled in with the saturated green grass and big trees. Y/N thought it was pretty but she would never admit that to her friends.

"Ladies you have a good time out here! I reckon you'll find our little town quite charmin'!" The older man tells them happily as his car comes to a stop in front of the inn. The girls give him their thanks and get out to take a look at the place.

Nat's hand shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked up the place, a confident smile on her face since she picked out this place in the middle of nowhere. Wanda stood in the middle with her hands in her pockets and a relaxed smile. As for Y/N? she might as well have a dark cloud hanging over her. It smelled like grass and horses, her black ankle boots were covered in dust, and worst of all...Natasha blocked John's number. "Relaxation awaits girls!" Nat cheers as she leads her small pack into the front doors of the inn.

The inside was just a cute as the outside, country-style couches placed in the center with a mahogany coffee table littered in doilies. Guests laughed and chatted behind the french doors in the restaurant beside them. "Welcome to Stark Inn!" The front desk lady greets them, her strawberry blonde hair tied in a bun and a glossy smile on her features.

"You go check-in, I'm staying here," Y/N sighs, plopping down onto one of the floral couches, taking out her phone from her back pocket. Nat and Wanda rolled their eyes, pushing their luggage next to their friend before walking over to check-in.

She checked her phone 5 times, 5 different bell-sounding notifications from 5 different apps. Nothing from her former love, of course, not because he's blocked. The next bell sound didn't come from her phone but the front doors of the inn. The ding was followed by two men laughing loudly, one clapping the other on the back. The Y/H/C girl looks up at the source of the ruckus.

One was blonde, wearing a thin blue flannel shirt and dark jeans. He was cute, had a nice ass, and blue eyes a lady could swim in. The other man was a different story, however. A blush crept up her cheeks as she looked at him. His shoulder-length hair was tied up in a low bun, face nearly hidden by his black velvet cowboy hat. Fuck that man looked good in red flannel.

The said man looked down at her. Oh shit, she'd been caught staring at the two cowboys. Before she could look away the one in red smirked at her and dipped his hat "ma'am," he speaks in greeting, his voice was low and raspy, sending butterflies to her stomach and other regions.

"H-hi," Y/n says shyly, like a schoolgirl whose crush finally talked to her. The man turned away and walked away to walk towards the front desk, mud left behind from their boots which they were quickly scolded for.

"Well while you boys are makin' a mess 'round my inn you can take help these girls up to their room," Pepper, the co-owner huffs "307... the nice one." Pepper waves them off, turning to grab the keys to the room.

Natasha eyed the blonde man up and down, resting her back on the front desk, propping her elbows up behind her. "Hi there cowboy," she speaks to him flirtatiously, her pink lips form a smirk. The man ducks his head and laughs.

"Hi there. I'm Steve."

"Natasha."

Y/N rolled her eyes at the flirting, rising from the couch she went to grab the handle of her bag but was met with cold metal. Her eyes flew up to see the man in the back cowboy hat already grabbed a hold of it "I'm assumin' this is yours?" he chuckled with that honey-like voice. Y/N nods and crossed her arms over her chest, her hand still feeling the chill of his hand.

She followed behind them, taking the red-carpeted stairs. She was behind them enough to stare at the broadness of his shoulders, a small smile appeared on her lips thinking about what it would be like to run her hands down his back. No, she quickly erased the image out of her mind. That thought returned as they climbed the second set of stairs, her Y/E/C traveled down his back and landed on his backside as he climbed. A red rag hung out of his back pocket.

The man turned around as they reached the top, catching her stare at him "I'm Bucky," he tells her, breaking her out of her trance. Bucky was 2 for 2 catching her stare at him. The red in her cheeks matched the vibrant red of the rag her eyes were once fixated on.

"Y/N," she responds simply, her voice quiet.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, miss." His words made her skin tingle, small bumps rising to the surface of her clothed skin. Her green jacket covering all the evidence.

"It's nice to meet you too, Bucky," she ponders over his name for a minute "did your parents name you that?"

Bucky laughed, oh God his laugh was precious "No, uh- my name is actually James. Bucky is just a nickname, I like it better," he explains. Y/N moved from the back to his side as they walked up the final set of stairs.

"Both names are nice," Y/n chuckles, "they suit you." They both looked at each other and instantly smiled, she even unfolded her arms and let them linger at her side. She forgot what it was like to be comfortable after all this time. Walking on eggshells for a man who could set off at any moment was what she grew accustomed to. This was nice, even she had to admit that.

The two girls in front couldn't help but give each other a knowing look, Steve even joined in. "He hasn't dated in years," he whispers to Natasha as they approached the room.

"A shell of a man cheated and dumped her," Wanda tells them in a hushed voice.

They reached the white door with a golden plate '307' written in script numbers. "This is the best room at the inn!" Steve starts to gush, placing the bags on the ground.

"Clear view of the stables, horses walking around all the time," Bucky chimes in, his elbow nudging Y/N the arm. he looked up at him with raised eyebrows but he wasn't looking at her this time. Did he do that on purpose? No. Probably not.

"Well... we'll let you ladies get settled in. Don't hesitate to reach out of you need anything." Steve dipped his hat and started to walk away, clapping his friend on the shoulder, turning him to walk in the same direction.

"See you around, Y/N," Bucky told her before walking away. Her eyes lingered on the tall man as he walked away and even he turned around to catch another glance at her. 3 for 3.

"Did someone catch feelings already?" Natasha laughed as he unlocked the room. Y/N eyebrows furrowed in anger, walking in after her friends, roughly brushing past the sassy redhead.

"All I want is John back. I don't know what the hell that was out there," she defended herself, snarling as she sat in the chair by the large windows, her legs hanging off the ledge.

The women hung their heads and began to unpack "You can have the other bedroom," was all Wanda said before the conversation ended. Y/N felt the guilt rise in her heart. She didn't mean to be so blunt and rude to them, in the back of her mind she knew they knew they were trying. She was trying too.

Time had passed and clothes were hung and folded away in their drawers. Nat sat on her laptop looking for places to eat in town while Wanda checked in with her husband and kids back home. Y/N hadn't left the chair since they arrived. Checking her phone for someone who couldn't talk to her.

"Look at this cute little place in town! It's home cooking they call it. We should go," Nat tells the girl happily.

"I'll call the Uber after I talk to Tommy," Wanda joins in.

"I-I don't want to go," Y/N says, her voice softer than before. She turns his attention to the sables below her, a black horse being led by the man in the black hat. "Bucky," she whispers to herself. She watches him, his lips were moving, obviously talking to the beautiful animal. A smile dared to appear on her face while she watched him, she saw her reflection and she sucked in her lips. Her attention went back to her friends.

"We're not going to let you coop yourself up in this room all night, Y/N." Natasha squints her eyes in judgment, closing her computer with a loud thud.

"And I don't want to make this trip miserable for you guys. I just need to be by myself for a while."

"That's what we're afraid of. It took 2 weeks to get you out of your apartment."

"I'm doing better now!" she shouts, realizing what she did she gulped and sat straight up in the chair, placing her feet on the floor "I'm sorry, Nat. Please just go, have fun and I promise we'll do that spa ay like you wanted tomorrow."

"Fine, but give me your phone," Wanda interjected, holding out her hand while her other one placed her phone in her back pocket. Y/N scrunched her nose and shook her head. Wanda's eyebrows lowered, her hand still stretched out as she walked towards her. She cocked her head, striking fear into the Y/H/C. She hated when Wanda did that.

"How are you going to reach me if something bad happens?"

With the phone now in Wanda's hand, Nat said "We'll call the front desk."

The girls had left, telling Y/N to make her time alone useful. She wanted to sit and wallow in her never-ending sadness. She remembered a time like this at a New York lawyers convention when John left her in the room for hours while he partied downstairs. No, no, she didn't want it to be like this even if it was her choice now.

The stables. She walked over to the window and saw the red building empty from what it looked like. Maybe she could get a glimpse of the horse she saw. Bucky didn't even cross her mind then or was that the reason she wanted to go so badly. No, it had to have been the horse she saw. Keep telling yourself that.

Y/N stayed back a bit longer, giving Nat and Wanda enough time to leave the property. They would never let this go after the stable comment Bucky made. She stepped outside, the sun starting to set and a small chilled breeze brushes past her. Lurking around to make sure no one was there she slowly walked into the stable, the horses not paying her any attention.

There she was, the beautiful black mare standing her her stall, her face poking out of the window. Y/N walked over and let the horse sniff the palm of her hand "You're so pretty, my darling," Y/N beams, rubbing her nose. The horse nickered, making the woman laugh "You like compliments don't you."

"She craves attention!" A voice called out from the other side of the barn. Y/N whipped her head to the side, her heart thumping against her chest. Bucky started making his way over, two silver buckets in his strong arms. The sweat on his face didn't go unnoticed by her, she swallowed hard and took a step back from the horse.

"I-I didn't see a stay-out sign, I'm sorry if I'm not all-" her rambling was cut off by his soft chuckle and the clang of the buckets now on the ground.

" I don't mind, doll. Clementine loves the company." I was hoping you'd show up, he kept that to himself of course. "While you're here, do you want to help me brush her? She gets sad if I don't do it before I leave."

Y/N smiles softly and nods at him, her hands folded in her lap. Bucky eagerly opened the stall and allowed her to enter first. He ran around to empty the feed buckets and placing the buckets on the shelf. He pants as he hands her a brush, his awkward smile earning a thank you.

Bucky stood on one side while she stood on the other, brushing the shiny coat of Celmentines's body. The silence was a comfort and the soft brushing noises were music to their ears. She enjoyed the silence and stolen glances at each other. His steel-blue eyes fixated on his favorite horse, she'd never seen someone look that loving towards someone else.

He breaks the silence "So what brings you guys all the way out to our neck of the woods?"

Was she supposed to be honest? Because 'I'm desperately trying to get over a man who ripped my heart out' doesn't scream approachable. She bit her lip and looked at him from the other side of the horse, their searching eyes meeting.

"Fella did me wrong so my friends decided a getaway was the best medicine," she explained, a watered-down version of what the real devastating truth was.

Bucky nods as he listens to her, slowly making his way to her side, brushing Clementine's hip as a cover. He didn't push it any further, now wasn't the time and he remembered her somber appearance when he first met her in the lobby "Where ya from?" He asks instead

"Brooklyn." His ears perk up, he hadn't thought about that city in so long.

"Brooklyn?" he hums, "how's the city these days?"

"Busy," she responds, looking over at him trying not to act surprised that he moved closer. "You've been?"

"Once or twice." 7 years. He frowned and bit the inside of his cheek. Y/N hums and starts to brush the side of her neck. Clementine whinnies, making the woman jump back. "I-It's ok," Bucky tells her kindly, holding out his hand, "she likes that, let me show you." He takes off his hat and tosses it on top of the hay pile behind them.

His flesh arm placed at on her midback, bringing her closer to the horse. His metal arm covers her hand to guide the brush down Clementine's neck. The sound of her own heart was deafening, he was so close she could pick up everything. The smell of hay and horses mixed in wish musk and was the cedar? It was manly...just like him. The stands of loose hair stuck to his forehead, small grey hairs mixed into his stubble.

Her eyes shifted away from his face onto the sight in front of her, his hand over hers, the gold and black metal shining in the overhead light. She wondered if he could feel her. "Your arm?" she questions barely audibly.

"It was a military accident...I fell," he responded, she couldn't tell if there was sorrow in his voice or he was just accustomed to explaining it all the time.

"It's nice! I hope I didn't offend you," she tried to pull away from the situation she created but his flesh arm held her still. He looks down at her and smiles.

"You didn't. It was a long time ago."

His reassurance got her to relax. They eased into small talk about their lives, she learned that he was born here and always helped the Starks on the ranch when they opened it, leading into a job when he got out of school. He was kind and funny, made her heart constantly skip beats when he said something nice. It made her forget John Walker for a while.

The sun went down, the auto light of the stables turned on. Bucky knew he should've clocked out by now, but this was far better. She was sad, he knew that, but when she relaxed she was surprisingly funny with her quick wit, soft smiles, and her newfound love for his favorite girl Clementine.

"Have you ridden before?" he asks as they finish, taking her brush back.

"No," Y/N laughs as she recalls her childhood, "I saw a boy fall off one at summer camp and I swore I'd never do it. I admire from afar."

Bucky joins in on the laugh while he grabs his hat and dusts off the loose straws of hay on his hat. Y/N bits her lip and pats Clemintine one last time before the pair walked towards the door "Watch your step," he warns, holding his metal hand out for her to take. She looks at him for a moment, feeling like her feet were cement. Her eyes flash from his hand to the softness in his eyes.

"Fucking hell Y/N let's go!" John's hand outreached for her, it was shaking, matching his anger. "I'll fucking leave you here. You know, fuck it. Walk home." That hand turned into a fist... she didn't like that fist.

Hesitantly she takes it, her nervous fingers wrapping around his palm as he guided her over the edge of the stall and onto the main ground of the stable. "Thanks for letting me brush her, it was nice," she smiled, still holding his hand. She wasn't the only one who didn't let go.

"Any time, doll. How long are ya here for?"

"5 days," she responds. Not enough time, he frowned and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Well you can come down any time you'd like, Clem would like the company." I would too.

Y/N finally realized she was holding his hand, her eyes went wide and pulled away suddenly, her nervous chuckle ringing in his ears "I-I should go... thank you again Bucky."

She scurries off towards the inn, their hands still tingling. He'd never been this happy to still have nerves in his arm "God bless Wakanda tech," he praised under his breath, clenching and unclenching the hand.

"Y/N! Wait a minute," he shouts stopping her mid way. She turns and see's him standing there in the overhead light of the stable, like he was waiting for her to get there safely.

"Yeah?" she questions, matching the volume of his voice.

"While you're here you should try Happy's Diner! Best coffee in town!"

"I thought this place did?"

"Don't let Pepper convince you!"

Y/N giggles and nods "I will. Goodnight Buck."

"Goodnight, Y/N!" He watches her leave, making sure she was safely inside, she turned to catch one last glance at him making the brunette smile at her and waving her off.

It would be another hour before Natasha and Wanda returned to the room, finding their friend in the same position in the chair by the window. This time her shoes were dustier than before, black hairs visible on her cream-colored shirt. She stared at the cowboy painting on the wall in front of her like her life depended on it "What did you do all day, Y/N?" Wanda asks, tossing Y/N's phone on the bed.

She expected her to run and grab it, feverishly checking the messages John couldn't send. That reaction never came, she didn't flinch when the phone landed on the bed with a soft thud. Her mind was still a blur, Bucky was kind, he held his hand out for her and got her to the other side of the stall...he waited for her.

"This," Y/N remarks, coming out of her thoughts pointing to the chair she was occupying. The spy in the leather jacket didn't buy it, looking at the differences in her clothing and demeanor.

"Sounds like a bore," Nat sighs, deciding to let it go for a moment.

"How was the restaurant?" Y/N yawns, getting up and walking past them. The two redheads sniffed the air as she passed, it smelled like Y/N had been sleeping in a barn. Well, that was almost true.

"What the hell is that smell?" Wanda grimaced, her nose scrunching at the foul smell. Y/N stopped in her tracks and closed her eyes, she wasn't about to tell them about her time in the stable with Bucky. She brought her shirt up to her nose, fuck, it was her.

"Must be the atmosphere," she laughed it off, "I'm going to bed!" She rushes off before the accusations came and she knew they would come.

The door to the adjoining room slams shut and the girls give each other a knowing look "Twenty bucks says she smuggled Walker in here," Wanda bets.

"Nah, it was the guy with Steve. She blushed way too much to have done nothing about it."

"Fair."

[mewberii]

Streamer!Scaramouche AU

i feel like he’d be one of the biggest streamers on his platform- probably one of those that everyone has heard of even if they’re not into watching livestreams and all

but between those who do know who he is, they either love him or hate him. no in-between

it’s kind of understandable because his attitude is not suited/can be handled by anyone

he’s brutally honest even when his opinion may be seen as rude (to him he’s just saying the truth so he doesn’t mind if people get offended)

of course he doesn’t try to be rude on purpose but i mean it as in he’ll say what he thinks

imagine he’s playing a game and he doesn’t like a certain mechanic, or he isn’t enjoying the story;

he won’t say the game is bad but he’ll openly say he doesn’t like it/it’s not for him. it makes him seem strict but tbh he’s not that hard to please and even when he complains about one or two things he still enjoys the game

he usually gives every game a chance even when from what he’s seen it doesn’t sound like a game he’ll like. if he turns out to be right he just won’t play it again and if he’s wrong he’s a little too prideful to admit he spoke a little too fast but in the end he will admit the game is good or he’s having fun

probably the kind that just knows so much about all games and all the creators and all the game-making engines and is up to date with every single news of everything video-game + streaming-related,,, how does he do it, i don’t know,,,,

and also since he’s so popular he probably gets packages from game developers with limited edition stuff or merch from different games soooo often

and he placed the ones from his favorite games in his setup room and it looks INCREDIBLE he has so much stuff

he did a room tour stream once talking about all he has, where he got everything, from his monitor to every complement of his computer and like,,,,, the cost of his setup,,,,,,, some people already know they’ll never be able to afford that in their entire life

and he already had a great setup before he even became big as a streamer so people can already guess he’s fairly rich 

also i feel like he would have started his career as a streamer without using a facecam and even like that, he already managed to get very popular because of his professional commentary of game dynamics/playability + you can tell that he’s passionate about this and also he’s very funny without even trying??

he says some stuff so casually that he doesn’t realise how funny it is

probs showed his face after he hit a very important milestone

he never considered showing his face that important but he understood why people would want to see his reactions when playing games (even tho he warned them he’s not the most expressive/dramatique person in the world and they know by now) and would want to put a face to the person who entertains them so much with his streams

and when he does show his face people go absolutely cRAZY BECAUSE he is crazy good looking (if you don’t think he’s good looking i’m sorry for your eyesight. jk i’m sorry in general i just really love him)

some people who didn’t watch his streams will even check them out because of that but literally if you come for the visuals only you won’t stay for long because as i said not anyone can handle his personality

if he sees people being superficial about him too much instead of paying attention to what’s happening in the stream, he will immediately turn the subs mode on in the chat (if he didn’t have it on already)

being rude, being disrespectful/saying discriminating stuff or anything of that sort won’t be tolerated and anyone who does it will be banned instantly

without even interrupting what he was saying before he saw the comment, he’ll just type the ban to whoever said that and go on

and his mods do the exact same. they are just as strict as him

if it ever got too much of course he wouldn’t be afraid to speak up about it and tell his chat to stop that behaviour or else, as they should already know, he won’t be afraid of banning them even if they’ve been subscribed for months or years

ANYWAYS

why do i feel like he has a super organised chat— as in instead of spamming 5 emotes per comment they all send just one and it looks so tidy and perfect

literally other streamers would be jealous of how not-messy his chat is even when he has thousands and thousands and thousands of viewers all the time

also i have this idea that maybe any of his fans would have designed him as a genshin character (which would be the design of the scaramouche we know (?))

and the little pop-ups (i don’t know the name in english rIP) thingies that show up to notify when someone subscribed or donated would be lil chibi art of that design

it’d be really cool

and since i also doodled what a stream of his could look like (i’ll show it in the future when i’m done!!) i thought that way it’d be more recognisable that the streamer is scaramouche

99% of the people who have seen him irl found him too intimidating to go ask him for a picture or tell him anything

he’s not a huge fan of taking pictures anyway + is more on the introverted/reserved side but he wouldn’t mind if someone went up to him (if he’s not busy with something) to tell him something or say they enjoy his streams

i feel like in a couple occasions he would have played a game with some subscribers and he’d like to tease them speaking with his usual tone and face (in case they’re watching the stream as they talk) so they think he’s serious

“did you watch my 12 hour stream the other day?”  -scaramouche

“ah,,,, i-” -the sub

“think well of what you’re going to answer.” -scaramouche

“i-i couldn’t watch the whole thing,,,” -the sub

“ah, is that so…?” -scaramouche 

he’ll pretend to sound disappointed but at one point he just can’t help but smirk and hold in a chuckle before telling them he’s not serious

(he literally doesn’t know how the hell he survived that stream himself because he isn’t one to stream for that long)

i feel like deep inside people who know him would know he wouldn’t say such things seriously/wouldn’t be disappointed in anyone for not watching every single minute of his streams or not even all his streams

but he says all that so seriously that it’s,,, intimidating and they’re lowkey like “god but what if he’s not joking-”

he’d play games with the other streamers sometimes but i feel like most of the type he’d play more single-player games

it’d be so funny if he plays among us with others and for example one of those others it’s childe

both of them would always be suspecting of the other first/bickering, especially scaramouche

and if one game turns out they’re both the impostors… people would know right away

like, if any of them tried to defend the other, everyone else would be like “!?! what is this? scaramouche and childe defending each other? scary”

they’d vote one of them (maybe scaramouche) out because they started guessing + saying proof of how both of them could be the impostors (but the biggest proof is them not coming for each other’s throats sNKJFNGKJS)

scaramouche would have to resist the urge to S C R E A M

needless to say he doesn’t like when he has to be impostor with childe

and unfortunately for him, fate makes it happen considerably often

i feel like at least one time scaramouche would kill next to childe and then report it and literally blame childe

and childe would be like ?!?!?!?!?? WHAT- NO- (struggles bc his brain instinct is to say ‘it was you!’ but they’re both the impostors??? how-)

and then they’d eject childe,,, and then people wouldn’t suspect of scaramouche for most of the game because ? why would he- blame his partner---

well he did it with no regrets and at the end when they all found out they found it very funny (except for childe, but even he ended up laughing in the end because what a mean strategy sjkfhdsgkj)

i have this feeling that even though they bicker so much and for any strangers it’d seem like they hate each other, when scaramouche does play online games, many times it’d be with childe?

ik they aren’t supposed to get along but for the sake of it being a modern au i don’t want bad vibes between any of the characters pls-

and everyone enjoys their dynamic and those streams always get a ton of viewers sjfhdsgkj and i’m sure both their chats would be good friends (most likely one’s fans would also be a fan of the other too)

very very very rarely (because he prefers just playing and talking while playing) he’d do streams where he doesn’t play anything but just talks with the chat, watches videos that they send him, looks at the fanart they make, just talks about games,,,,

it’d be super chill and the perfect streams for people to be doing homework/work/play games/draw or do basically anything while they listen to his stream in the background

he’d also be answering some of people’s questions about him or about his favorite games, or if he’s playing this new game that came out earlier this week,,,

“will you play ‘it takes two’ with childe?” -someone in the chat

“absolutely not. i won’t play a co-op game with him”

not even 5 days later, tweet from childe saying “streaming in 30 minutes! Scaramouche and I will be playing It Takes Two on my ch---”

anyways this will be all!! (for now?) i obviously knew genshin before this but, yesterday i could finally start playing it myself! so i feel like if not now, soon i will also write headcanons of him playing genshin! i don’t take requests but if you guys have any ideas or anything you want to say about this AU, send me an ask!! i’d love to talk about this and about genshin in general!

also, i was very inspired to write this by @baeshijima​ ! so thank you very much to her for her wonderful streamer AUs and if anyone reading this hasn’t read hers already, go check them out!! they’re amazing!!

[kuroshitsuji-scenarios]

Little things the Kuroshitsuji boys would do?

Undertaker:

Be the one who always listens to you talking, even if other people are losing focus on your words. He would pay a lot of attention to the details, even if he wouldn’t look like it.

Would bring you adorable gifts from wherever he would be—small rocks which reminds him of a funny face, double shells, weird cones or other apparently useless things. He tends to be unique, even with the gifts he’s giving.

Sebastian Michaelis:

Would mindlessly enjoy a slight physical contact between you two, trailing his fingers along your arm and elbow when you would be sitting next to each other, playing with your hair when you would be falling asleep on his shoulder, leaving quick kisses behind your ear in the break between doing the chores.

Would wake you up whenever feeling the change in aura of your soul during a nightmare; offer you a warm drink, an embrace and an ear to listen.

Ciel Phantomhive:

Be the one who waits for you when you have to tie your shoe when the rest of the group is heading forward. He might even leave some snarky comment later about them being rude.

Would leave the last piece of his favourite cake for you to eat and pretend that he did not want it at the moment.

Claude Faustus:

Would carry you piggy-back if you felt tired during a stroll. The distance wouldn’t bother him in the slightest, he could actually carry you all the way there and back.

Would secretly take care of your plants and pets to make sure that they are feeling as good as possible to reduce your eventual stress. Especially about the plants dying—with him by your side, they will all wonderfully bloom.

Alois Trancy:

Would often leave some surprise gifts for you, including your favourite candies, the pair of shoes which caught your attention one day, the perfume which smell you enjoyed, this overly expensive and completely unnecessary mug you spotted in the shop, the supplies needed for your passion.

Would run a bath for you, the one with a lot of candles, oils, foam or the most ridiculous bath bombs he could find. It is important that you would feel like a princess all the time and spoiling you is one of his favourite activities.

William T. Spears:

Would always bring a bottle of water, a candy bar and either a scarf or a sunscreen wherever you go together. Just in case you got thirsty or hungry or cold or if there was too much sun. Humans are so fragile, after all, and who else is going to take proper care of you if not him?

Would always scold the person who interrupted your speaking and point out the lack of good manners. When you’re talking, the others should listen, he always does.

Ronald Knox:

Would always know just the right place to have some fun and forget about the everyday troubles. You will be surprised about the knowledge he has, no bar could possibly hide from him. Still, if you would want to come back home, he wouldn’t insist on staying and would always respect your decision.

Would take you to the escape room for your birthday and then be the one who panics the most about not being able to find the way out. If you would find more clues than him, he would pout a little but compliment you and your wit nevertheless.

Snake:

Wherever he would go, Snake would always leave you some sweet letters on the fridge. Sometimes they would lead to the breakfast he prepared for you when you were sleeping, sometimes they would only state the simple: ‘I love you.’

Would be the one to go the basement for that one jar of the strawberry jam you so adored, no matter how the chills on his back would tell him to go back.

Finny:

Would carry all the groceries for you. He might leave one single bag so you wouldn’t feel left behind but that would be it, the rest is his. Moreover, he would carry them all in one hand, the other reserved to hold yours while you go to the home together.

Would never miss an opportunity to kiss you in the rain, even if it means waking you up at dawn. The idea comes from all the romantic movies he wanted to watch with you, all of them bringing him to tears and the overwhelming happiness of having you by his side.

Baldroy:

Contrary to his usual driving style, he would be way too careful while driving with you, suddenly minding all rules and even using signals! He would shout at the other drivers and call them reckless if they outrun him. Your safety is top priority and he doesn’t want to look like a roadhog in your eyes.

Would send you a lot of random photos of things he finds nice, hoping to share his excitement with you. Sometimes it could be a cute dog, sometimes a limited edition package of cigarettes.

Edward Midford:

Would always offer his help in whatever thing you were currently doing, be it a laundry or some school/college/job project. Having a surprising amount of knowledge for many various subjects, he can actually be very helpful but if not, he would simply prepare your favourite beverage and keep an eye on you so you wouldn’t ruin your sleeping schedule.

Would always be a perfect gentleman around you, kissing your knuckles, holding the door for you and adressing you properly and speaking of you respectfully—even if you wouldn’t be around him at the moment. His attutude is not a game, after all, he simply is that way.

Prince Soma:

Would try and fail to prepare a breakfast to bed for you. It would look really nasty, toasts burnt, eggs almost raw and what is even that thing on the plate? Still, it’s the intentions that count, right?

Would often encourage you to dance in the middle of the room with him whenever your song would play. It doesn’t matter if you’re a good dancer or not, it would be all about fun and giggles and you’ll eventually forget about the eventual lack of skills or rhythm while being in his arms.

Agni:

Would always ask how did your day go, if it was pleasant or not, and then he would listen to the whole story you gave him, no matter how long. He loves hearing from you and it’s important to know how do you feel. Naturally, he would comfort you if it was bad and would cook your favourite meal.

Would agree to watch the film of your choice, whether he enjoyed it or not and would never complain about it, even if he almost fell asleep during.

Charles Grey:

Would take you to McDonald’s at 2 a.m.

Would literally fight anyone who’d dare to catcall you on the street, you won’t be able to stop him, he’s throwing fists already. And winning!

Charles Phipps:

Would pay a surprising amount of attention to the way your bedroom or apartment is decorated. It’s all because of his intention to make it as comfortable as possible and so, he would often buy you some useful gadgets or pretty decor stuff. He has some really good taste.

Would make phone calls and schedule any doctor’s appointments for you, it doesn’t affect him in the slightest and if you’re having troubles with such, he’s happy to help.

[calm-and-wine]

see you in a new light

hello loves, i know i’m a little late, but better late than never, right? anyhow, here is my story for @1dffchallenges​ summer challenge. it’s not my best work, i was a little rusty and it could probably use a better edit, but hopefully you’ll enjoy it anyway! biggest thank you to my queen of banners Eriza @booksncoffee​ for yet another beautiful one. if you don’t think it’s total crap, please come talk to me (or if you do, still come say so!) 💛

Sometimes, I really wonder how I end up in these situations. I either must have been a terrible person in a past life or the universe simply hates me. I was supposed to have a lovely holiday in Mykonos with friends. A chilled out 10 days, lounging in bikinis by the pool or on the beach, a ladies holiday in paradise. Just me, my best friend from uni, Melanie, and Nora and Libby, cousins who we also know from uni. They weren’t my close friends per se, but we got along and they still hung out with Mel quite a bit, since they lived in the same city. 

But, of course, nothing can be as good as I hoped for, that’s just how my life tends to be. So, typically, something had to go wrong. When we were waiting for our flight, my friends decided it’d be fun to chat up a group of guys who sat nearby. They looked to be around our age, and there were four of them, the same number as us, so in Mel’s mind, it worked out perfectly. It also turned out they were waiting for the same flight, going on the exact same vacation as us. 

And that would have been fine, I could deal with those new companions, if it weren’t for the fifth guy who joined them, at what I was pretty sure was the very last minute before the gate closed. It’s been a few years and he definitely matured, his back was broader, his arms were bigger and his hair was no longer dyed blonde, but I had no problem recognising the boy I used to go to school with.

“Shannon Lever?” he asked, turning to us girls right after saying hello to his friends and looking straight at me. 

“What a small world, huh?” I asked, returning his look for only a second, before lowering my gaze slightly. 

“You two know each other?” Mel asked, her voice way more excited than the situation required. 

“Yup. That’s Niall, we went to school together,” I said, lighting up my phone to check the time and seem preoccupied, so I wouldn’t be asked any more questions.

“Niall Horan, lovely to meet you,” he said, shaking the hand of each of the girls with a smile that looked as fake as I knew him to be.

“A reunion of old friends, that’s brilliant!” Libby said, looking between us with interest.

“We weren’t exactly friends,” I corrected straight away, even though it wasn’t completely true. We used to be friends once upon a time, at least I thought so. When we were kids and just started school, we used to walk home together since we lived close by. We talked at school quite a bit, sat next to each other in class for one or two years. I even thought he might have had a crush on me when we were young. 

But then, something happened. To this day, I don't know what it was. But our little friendship just… stopped. At first it was just the chats and laughs being cut, but then rude comments that he threw to his friends started, confusing me even further. I thought I’ve been nothing but kind, always letting him copy my homework or whatever. 

I never was particularly popular, but it became more and more evident the older I got. Maybe I grew weirder, but I just found it harder to click with people. I never really got invited to parties, not that I really cared, I had studying to do and had different things to do in my free time. I’d rather watch a good show or movie or devour a book than watch underage people get drunk and throw up, god forbid be one of them. I liked less popular music than everyone else and had different priorities. I wasn’t boy crazy, rarely wore make-up and didn’t care that much about fashion trends. Sure, I still liked cool clothes and jewelry, but somehow people looked down on me. And the fact that I started putting on weight a year before high school did not help my case.

My words made Niall look at me with his lip between his teeth, his expression almost guilty, before turning his gaze away and asking if anyone wants a coffee.

A part of me hoped that would be it, maybe we’d all talk a bit more on our way from the airport to the hotel, but after we’d just say hi when passing each other in the halls or whatever and that’d be all.

But of course it wasn’t. The first night was fine, we all had drinks by the pool, which was cool, there were seven different people I could talk to and all the boys were actually really nice. The next day we bumped into each other leaving breakfast and chatted a bit, then lounged around each other for most of the day. Again, I had a good book and the company was big enough that I could almost pretend Niall wasn’t there. Sure, I could still hear his irritatingly loud booming laugh and even I had to admit he looked pretty good in swimming trunks, climbing up from the pool dripping wet, no matter how much it pained me. But I didn’t talk to him, taking the route of pretending he wasn’t there, that I didn’t see all the little looks he threw my way. Honestly, I don’t even know what they were for, I really doubt he wanted to chat with me or even be around me. Maybe they were looks of hatred and irritation as well. 

It was all a bit weird because it seemed like no one cared about the tension between us two, which I thought was extremely palpable. I know Melanie didn’t care, she sure was too preoccupied by flirting with Jake. Lib and Nora actually mostly talked between themselves, so they probably didn’t care that much either. So did Toby and Jordan, they were both in relationships and while they were nice, it was pretty obvious they didn’t want to come across as too friendly, which was fine, understandable. Sam also was a bit quiet and tended to stick to those two. I actually overheard some bits here and there and fit the pieces together, deducting that he just got out of a relationship and wasn’t in the best place at the moment.

So, very unfortunately, that actually left Jake, Melanie, Niall and me. On the third day we went out to the pub which was literally two streets from our hotel and when Jake proposed a round of beer pong, since the table had just been vacated by previous players, it was us four that stepped up for the game. 

And that would have been okay, I’d love to sink some balls into Niall’s cup and make him not only drink but also lose (although this was probably a very farfetched dream since I’ve played beer pong twice in my life). But then Melanie decided to speak. “I think we should mix the teams, because we’re both actually pretty bad at it, so you know, to even out the game.”

“I’m good with that,” said Jake with a smile, lining up on the same side of the table as her.

“Yeah, that’s great,” I murmured under my breath, because I’d truly hate to be perceived as rude or problematic. 

“Fine,” sighed Niall, coming to stand next to me (but not too close, thankfully). 

I could do it. It was just a stupid game that actually didn’t really require interactions between us. He handed me the ball first and said nothing when it went completely off the table, not even close to any of the cups. I did however see his smirk, when a minute later Mel sunk a ball into the cup meaning I had to down it. She was definitely better than me at that, I barely went out, well, it changed a bit at uni, but still I usually just hung onto the people I knew and kept on the sidelines. Mel wasn’t exactly a party animal either, but she definitely had more experience in that department.

Niall sank pretty much every ball that he threw. Of course he did, I shouldn’t even be surprised, he was the cool popular boy, probably had years of practise. I wouldn’t doubt if he was one of those guys who just always occupied that table and played until he couldn’t drink anymore or until there was no one else who wanted to play with him, more like. 

“Wow, you really are shit, aren’t you?” he asked with a laugh after yet another miss on my part.

If looks could kill, he would drop dead right there and then. “Yeah, cheers, mate,” I said with as much sarcasm and annoyance as I could muster. “I had better things to do in my life than party all the time and practise my beer pong, thank you very much.”

“You’re always just so much better than anyone else, ain’t?” His voice was practically dripping with venom, same as mine.

“And you’re always just so cool and fun, aren’t you?”

“Sure.”

We stared at each other with hatred for a second. Niall threw a ball and after a little dance on the brim of the cup, the ball fell in. That lucky fucker. When it was my turn, he went to touch my arm, which made me instantly flinch away. It was actually just my body’s automatic response, but if he thought it’s because of him, who am I to correct that. His ego could definitely take a hit. 

“Relax, I just want to help you,” he said, his voice way too close for my liking. 

“What makes you think I need your help?” I asked, taking a step away from him, even though it meant I wasn’t in the best position to play.

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that you made one shot out of nine.” He shrugged with a smirk. Yes, he had the audacity to actually smirk at me. “Just… it’s all about the flick on the table, you have to focus on that, think of how it might go.”

I looked at him, before flicking the ball at the table so hard, it went so high up it flew above Mel’s head. “Like this?” I asked sarcastically, crossing my arms over my chest. Yes, it was childish and petty, but I was slightly drunk (okay, maybe a little more, all the drinks I’ve had since starting this stupid game were starting to catch up with me) and very irritated. 

He didn’t grace me with a verbal response, just rolled his eyes. Thankfully, to all of our relieves, right after that Mel threw the ball into our last cup. I grabbed it right away. 

“Thanks for the lovely game,” I said before downing the drink and walking away. 

A bit later, when I was at the bar with Melanie and Nora, she asked, “Shan, why are you actually so hard on Niall?”

Melanie looked at me with an arched brow. “Yeah. You said you weren’t exactly friends, but did something happen between you two?”

“Umm... “ I licked my lips, wishing the bartender would hurry up and bring our drinks. It was the first time someone actually acknowledged the tension between us and now I regret wanting them to before. “Not really, just stupid stuff when we were younger. But I don’t know, he just rubs me the wrong way, I guess.” 

Nora seemed to think it over for a second, before shrugging. “I think he’s a cool guy, but to each their own.”

“I think you might be a bit unfair on him,” Mel admitted, looking at me expectantly, like she was waiting for me to disagree.

I shrugged. “He’s just irritating. And it’s almost like he’s trying to get under my skin.”

They both looked at me, like they were trying to make sense of my words. Honestly, I don’t know how they could not notice that, it was so obvious to me. And their reaction just made me even more irritated. I know they didn’t mean anything bad by that conversation, but it seemed a bit unnecessary. It’s not like we were complaining about having to hang out together. Well, at least I wasn’t. So even if we weren’t the nicest to each other, no one should really mind.

Nora looked at me carefully, before smirking a bit, her eyes shining with something resembling mischief. “I think he might think the same about you. Or maybe he does want to get under your skin, but in a good way.”

“In a good way?” I asked, confused. 

“Yeah, you know, like… make you think of him and stuff.”

I laughed, because that was just utterly ridiculous. “Yeah, sure.”

She just grinned. “You’ll see, mark my words.”

~~

The next day, day four of our holidays, gave us rain. It started right as we were finishing breakfast, so after chilling in our room, because it was bigger than Nora and Lib’s, for an hour or two, we decided to go down to the hotel bar, get drinks and play cards. We were just finishing the second game, when the guys walked in. They spotted us right away, especially since Mel decided to wave hello. I love the girl, but I could honestly slap her round the head at that moment. 

We could see the guys talking between themselves for a second before Niall, Jordan and Toby headed to the bar, while Jake and Sam came up to our table. We said hello and, of course, the girls asked them to join us. We were too large of a group to play cards, so we settled on never have I ever. 

“Never have I ever… had someone walk in on me having sex,” I said when it was my turn again, throwing a self-satisfied smirk Mel’s way. 

She grunted unhappily, throwing her head back. “I thought we agreed to never mention it!”

I just laughed, when she, Nora, Jake, Niall, Sam and Toby all drank. Honestly, what is wrong with people? Can’t they just lock the doors when doing it? 

“Okay, I really want to know that story,” said Jake, looking at Melanie intrigued, wiggling his brows suggestively. 

“There’s not much to tell,” she assured.

“We were roommates in uni and let’s just say she sometimes forgot to send a heads up text,” I said, laughing a little. To be completely honest, walking in on Mel and her lab partner going at it on our couch left me with a bit of a trauma for a while, but we can joke about it now.

“Well, what about you?” Melanie asked, looking at the rest of the people who drank, but mostly at Jake.

“Oh, it was my little brother when I came home for the holidays in uni. We had a good system with my roommates, so that never happened,” he explained, shrugging like it was nothing. 

“It was my stepmom when we were renting a house for vacation. I was with my girlfriend and my stepmom and dad were supposed to go to the city, but they forgot their wallets or something. Pretty embarrassing,” shared his story Sam. 

“Yeah, it was my parents, classic,” said Niall, shrugging, not really looking at anyone. Huh, I thought he would definitely be the one to brag.

“Okay, my turn,” said Libby. “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”

All the boys reached for their drinks and so did Nora. 

“We could change that,” said Niall looking at us three, but mostly at me. As if! I would definitely not be going skinny dipping anywhere near him. 

“Yeah, thanks, I think I’ll pass,” I said, not too loudly though, but he definitely heard me, throwing me what could only be described as an annoyed look, so I threw one right back his way.

As I don’t have a lot of crazy experiences, I didn’t get to drink a lot. I might actually be the most sober person out of all of them. Which was a bit of a shame, because maybe then Niall’s company and offhand comments would be more bearable. 

But the rest of them got drunker with each round, so the longer we played, the crazier the game got. 

“Never have I ever… been someone’s side-piece.” As soon as those words left Melanie’s mouth, I took in a wheezing breath, nearly gasping. She must have been pretty drunk, because I know her well enough to be sure she wouldn’t do that to me if she was sober. 

I swallowed nervously before reaching for my glass and taking a really big gulp. 

Niall whistled. “Really? Not an angel after all, huh?”

Man, I really wanted to punch that perfect face of his at this very moment. He just always had something to say, never one to bite his tongue, especially not when it came to me. 

“We can’t all be perfect, can we?” I said with as much confidence as I could muster, clearing my throat and looking at Sam, as it was his turn now. 

When he said the next statement, about ghosting someone, yet another thing I’ve never done, I felt Mel reach for my knee under the table to grasp my attention. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” she apologised in a hushed voice. 

I shook my head. “It’s okay. Not a big deal,” I said with a weak smile. Sure, I was the only one that drank at that, but I didn’t owe anyone an explanation. It was my life, the people who mattered knew what that was about and what happened, no one else really needed to. If they wanted to judge me, fine, let them. We’re judged our whole lives, at some point we have to let it go and just stop caring. 

We did a few more statements before noticing it finally stopped raining. Because most of us were drunk, they decided to just lounge by the pool and sober a bit before dinner. I, however, went for a walk at the beach, which was closeby. I needed a breather, some time away from the guys. Well, one guy in particular. This vacation was nothing like I thought it would be and I was even sceptical about it in the first place. I wasn’t extroverted, I usually found it hard to interact with people, especially ones I didn’t know too well. I was fine with Nora and Libby, but we weren’t super close. The guys were nice enough, but I didn’t feel completely at ease or comfortable around them.

When I came back, Mel was sharing a lounger with Jake, laying in between his legs, him hugging her to his chest. I guess they’re taking the flirting to the next level. The sight actually made me smile, she’s always wanted a summer romance. I sent her a smirk and a wink, before heading to my room to change for dinner. After a few minutes Melanie joined me in our room, a shy smile on her lips and a rose tint to her cheeks.

“Shan, I kinda have a favour to ask,” she said shyly, biting her lip. 

“Okaaaaay,” I said, looking at her suspiciously.

“Could you maybe switch rooms with Jake for a night?” she asked, the second part of the sentence coming out way faster than the first one, as she was a bit nervous to ask.

I let out a small laugh. “Yeah, okay. Just make sure they’ll change the sheets tomorrow.”

She grinned. “Thank you, love.” Mel came up to me and locked me in a hug. “I would’ve gone to him, but they have two single beds, so that’s not exactly ideal.”

“That’s fine,” I shrugged. “Taking things to the next level though, huh?” I threw a suggestive smirk her way.

“Well…” She licked her lips, her cheeks growing red. “We’ll see. If he’s good tonight he might get it.”

“You really like him, don’t you?”

She shrugged, but her face was overtaken by a smile. “Maybe. He’s fun to be around. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s fit.”

“Yeah, well. I guess I should’ve seen it coming since you were frolicking in the pool the other day.”

For me, it was less than ideal to sleep in the room with a guy I barely knew, but I couldn’t say no to her and her happiness. There were two separate beds, I’ll survive one night, surely. 

Of course we ended up having dinner with the guys, then drinking a bit more, before deciding to go to bed. 

I took a few essentials (including my pillow and duvet) and went to my destined room for the night. In the hallway I even bumped into Jake and gave him a stern warning to be on his best behaviour. 

I knocked on the door, because I wasn’t given the key and to be respectful to his roommate. But when the door opened, I desperately wish I asked who Jake’s roommate was.

“Oh fucking hell, of course he’s sharing with you,” I said as soon as Niall stepped to the side to let me in.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know Mel’s sharing with you either,” he huffed, closing the door behind us.

“Mel?” I asked with a sour face. “She’s not really your friend, dude.”

“Wow, are you always this bitter?” he asked, straightening up after retreating something from his suitcase, his bare chest on full display. 

“No, I’m saving all my venom on you specifically, Horan,” I said with a big, sarcastic smile, dumping my duvet on the free bed.

He huffed, shaking his head and headed into the bathroom. I followed his retreating form with my eyes until he closed the door. Even after seeing him in swimming shorts for the past few days, I still couldn’t look away, especially when he was this close. He was so fucking good looking. His chest toned, but not too muscular, with hair on it, but not so much it’d be gross. His arms were quite big and I hate to admit that I’d love to touch them, feel how firm the muscles are. His face was beautiful too. Even his mouth, shame such bullshit keeps coming out of it. And his soft, fluffy hair. Ugh, why couldn’t he be ugly and repulsive? If I have to spend time with him, that would have made it so much easier. 

But I just had to remember that even though he might be good looking, his character wasn’t pretty. And it actually wasn’t that hard, he kept reminding me with his stupid little comments. 

While he was gone, I let my hair loose and got comfortable in the bed. I was scrolling through instagram, when he emerged from the bathroom and it took all of my willpower to keep my gaze on the screen of my phone. 

“Are you having a nice holiday?” he asked, getting comfortable in his bed. Oh so now he wanted to be friendly. 

“I would, if some asshole I used to go to school with didn’t hijack it,” I said, without looking at him. I locked my phone and put it on the night table, turning so I was facing the wall. 

“Ouch,” he huffed. I could hear him moving around in his bed, and his voice was a bit louder, like he turned towards me, even though he was facing my back. “Well, it’s not exactly the lads’ holiday I expected either.” 

I just took a deep breath, not in the mood for another snappy exchange. “Let’s not interrupt each other's sleep at least, shall we?” I said, a thought popping into my head. “Please tell me you don’t snore.”

“Of course I don’t snore,” he said right away, his voice offended.

“Somehow I don’t believe you,” I mumbled under my breath.

The room was quiet for a bit and I was starting to slowly drift off to sleep, although I was aware that he was still facing my bed, which made me a little bit tense. But maybe he just fell asleep before turning. Or maybe he simply always sleeps on that side. 

“You really hate me, huh?” Even though his voice was barely above a whisper, his words pierced through the silence. 

I didn’t respond, trying my hardest to not give him any sign that my breath hitched in my throat and instead make it seem like I was already asleep. But the question actually shook me. Did I hate him? I’d like to pretend I don’t have any feelings towards him whatsoever, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Hate was a strong word and it wasn’t like he ruined my life or anything. In school, he was rude and mean, sure, but he was also a young, stupid boy, who probably just didn’t know any better. And maybe that’s not exactly an excuse, but I’m actually sure that the Niall I knew then isn’t the guy lying two meters away from me now. No, that guy isn’t that bad. Sure, he can joke, even at my expense, but he isn’t necessarily mean. Even if I find some of his comments unnecessary and annoying, I think the rudeness in them was found mostly because of my interpretation. Because I expected it based on our past.

And now, when he asked me that question, there was this weird vulnerability in his voice, something that I’d never associate with the Niall I once knew. I wasn’t the same girl I was in school, so why couldn’t I believe that he wasn’t either? Looking back at it, I was the one who started being unpleasant right at the airport. Sure, he hadn’t really made any effort with me, but maybe I also didn’t give him a chance. Was I actually in the wrong here? Did he deserve all my judgement and irritation? He was nothing but nice to my friends. But did he really just soften me up with one simple question? I’m not sure, but he definitely confused me.

~~

The next morning, when I opened my eyes, his bed was empty and the light was on in the bathroom. I checked my phone and drank some water, when Niall came back, towelling his hair. 

“Hey, slept alright?” he said, noticing that I was sitting awake.

“Yeah, not too bad,” I said, my voice a little husky from sleep.

“You can go shower if you want,” he pointed to the bathroom, so I gave him a small appreciative smile, climbing off the bed and heading there. 

I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and put on the clothes I brought with me. When I came out, hair wet, no make-up on, in shorts and a t-shirt, I felt his eyes on me. He was in a similar outfit, putting on his shoes. I’m pretty sure his gaze followed me across the room, where I folded my bed sheets and put my phone in my pocket.

When I turned to look at him, he lowered his eyes and cleared his throat. So I was right, he was watching me. 

“You wanna head down to breakfast?” he asked, his cheeks growing slightly pink at being caught.

“Sure, let’s go.”

Libby, Nora and Sam were already sitting at the table, so we said hello and went to get our food. When we came back Toby and Jordan were already there as well. 

“Rough night?” Lib asked with a laugh, when Melanie and Jake came in a few minutes later.

She smiled. “A very good night.”

“I’d actually want to know how you two’s night’s been,” said Jake, looking between me and Niall with a wicked smile. 

“We managed not to kill each other, so I’d say it was successful,” I said, drinking my coffee. 

I glanced at Niall, who was sitting beside me and he looked like he wanted to throw in some comment, but stopped himself. Well, that’s some progress I didn’t expect to see. 

~~

The next day we were on a boat. We went on a cruise and I was really regretting that decision. It’s been about an hour and I’ve spent the last fifteen minutes locked in the toilet, throwing up. I never knew I got seasick, but I guess we learn something new every day. 

When I opened the door, I almost stumbled, surprised by Niall leaning on the rail right by the toilet.

“You okay?” he asked, looking at me carefully. 

“Yup, totally-” I was supposed to say ‘fine’, but a new wave of nausea hit me suddenly, prompting me to turn right back. I didn’t even manage to close the door, barely aware of Niall coming in right behind me and taking my hair into his hand in a makeshift ponytail, while I emptied my stomach once again. 

“Fuck, what’s wrong?” he said, rubbing my back in a calm manner. When I flushed and made a move to stand up, he let go of my hair and moved one hand to my waist and another to my elbow to help me and take some of my weight. 

“I don’t know,” I said, washing out my mouth and throwing some cold water on my face. “I think I’m seasick.”

“Are you good for now?” he asked, studying my face.

“Yeah, I think so.”

He nodded and opened the door for me. His hand was still at my waist while he led me to sit in the kind of closed area, where the toilets and bar was, but there was an open deck behind that bench, so I could feel a nice breeze on my back. 

“I’m gonna get you something to drink,” he said and before I could say he didn’t need to, he was already on his way to the bar.

I closed my eyes and just hoped I won’t have to make another trip to the toilet. 

“Here,” I heard Niall’s voice and when my eyes opened, he was giving me a bottle of water, a steaming cup in his other hand. “The tea’s a bit too hot.”

I smiled at him in gratitude and took a sip, not wanting to drink too much before seeing my body’s reaction to it. When he sat right next to me, I was a bit taken aback.

“You don’t need to stay with me here, I’ll be alright, go enjoy.”

He shook his head. “It’s a good spot,” he said, throwing his head back and closing his eyes, then letting out a content sigh. I knew it was fake, because it was not a good spot, which was pretty apparent by the lack of people around us. You could feel the breeze, but you couldn’t really see anything, because we were sitting in the middle part of the boat. 

I don’t know why he was doing that, maybe he felt like he had to, because he was the one who saw I was sick, although I’m not really sure what he was doing standing right outside that toilet, so he didn’t feel like he could leave me alone now. Maybe he was actually trying to be polite. I didn’t say anything more about it, taking another sip of water and closing my eyes once again, which helped a little. 

I was in my own world, just trying to keep my stomach calm, when I heard Mel’s voice. 

“Here you are! Why are you two hiding?” 

She came around where we were sitting, along with Libby, Jake and Sam.

“Not hiding. Shan’s got a bit seasick and I just got her tea,” Niall explained.

“Oh no!” Libby exclaimed worriedly.

“Yeah, but I’m gonna be okay, just probably gonna have to chill here the whole time,” I said, not wanting to make anyone feel bad for me, because I never liked it, people worrying or taking pity on me.

“We can take turns to keep you company,” Mel suggested. 

“No, I’m alright, really,” I assured, even giving them a smile to make a better point. 

“You should all enjoy the cruise, I’ve been pretty much on the same one a few years back, when I was in a city nearby, so I’ve seen it already, I’ll stay with her.” I heard Niall’s voice from beside me, but I had a hard time processing his words. 

He wanted to stay with me? Babysit me on this cruise? (not that I needed it) Instead of drinking beer with his mates and hitting on girls in bikinis? Well, that was new. Or maybe not so new, because now that I think of it, he didn’t really talk to any of the girls at the hotel either, and there were more than a few young, potentially single ones, who I noticed throwing him glances more than once. Did my mind and our past really distorted his behaviour so much for me?

Melanie looked at him a bit suspiciously, then at me, but I gave her the smallest nod, so she didn’t even comment on it. When we were alone yet again in the next minute, I wanted to tell him that I’m okay on my own. But he brushed it off twice before and I was too tired from feeling poorly to convince him. And maybe, just maybe, a small part of me actually wanted his company. 

So I stayed quiet and before I knew it, I apparently fell asleep. On Niall’s shoulder. But he didn’t mind, just gave me a small smile, when I came back to consciousness and said sorry. He asked if I’m feeling better and then went to buy me another tea and something to eat. He was… actually sweet to me. 

He stayed with me the whole time. We didn’t talk much, mostly about our friends or neutral subjects, but I was actually glad for his company. 

When we came back to the hotel, I went practically straight to bed, still not feeling great. But the next day, I was as good as new. And after another day in the sun, I was asked to give up my space in bed for Jake one more time. Mel was lucky I love her to bits.

“Well well well, you must have missed me,” Niall said with a grin, when he let me into his room.

Normally I would roll my eyes and say something snarky, but I was trying to see him from a different perspective and I actually found his comment lighthearted, teasing. 

“Do you think Mel and Jake actually like each other and will continue this when we get back?” I asked, placing my things on the bed and taking a seat. 

“Mmm I think so. Jake’s pretty gone for her, actually. Haven’t seen him like that for a while.”

I hummed in agreement. We were quiet for a bit after that, he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, while I made myself comfortable in bed. 

“Goodnight, Non.”

Maybe it was the nickname used pretty much only by my family members, or maybe it was because he was so nice and helpful yesterday, or maybe it was both and a few other things as well, I don’t know, but before I could think too much about it, I spoke. 

“I don’t hate you, you know.” 

The fact that he thought so has been stuck in my head since he asked the question. I’ve been turning it over and over in my head for three days now and it wasn’t fair on him to let him think so, when I knew the truth was different. 

He was silent for a second, before clearing his throat slightly and finally speaking. “It’s fine, it’s not like you don’t have a reason to.”

“Yeah, but I really don’t,” I said right away, turning on my side to look at him. The room was pretty dark, a lamppost outside throwing a small shadow, but I could see his form. He actually turned on his side as well, so we were facing each other. 

“I was an asshole,” he admitted and I searched for a hint of a joking tone in his voice, but it wasn't there. He was actually serious. “And... Yeah, I’m really sorry. For everything.” He exhaled, like a burden was off his shoulders. It was weird, but somehow my heart felt lighter too. Like I was waiting for it for years, for that apology, without even realising. “I guess you could say I was young and stupid, but it’s not really an excuse, is it?” he said and this time let out a small nervous laugh.

I shrugged, even though he probably couldn’t see it. “Thanks. For the apology.”

“Well, it’s a few years late,” he sighed.

“Still counts,” I assured, a small smile on my lips.

“Good,” he said. My eyes got more used to the darkness and I could see him smiling now.

“You’re not as bad as I remembered, Horan.”

He laughed. “Yeah, thanks, believe it or not but I changed quite a bit the past six years.”

“I’ve noticed,” I said, because I really had. The past couple of days, when I actually let myself look at him without any leftover biases from our younger years. He was a good guy. “And thank you for taking care of me yesterday.”

“Oh it was nothing.”

I shook my head. “It was nice. You might actually be a good guy and I’m sorry I was pretty rude before.”

“So that was on purpose? I thought we were just bantering,” he said, leaning on his elbow to look at me incredulously. 

I laughed. “Did you really?”

He shrugged. “No. Well… At first I kind of did, but I saw you actually got mad and irritated and took it to heart.”

“And yet you didn’t stop,” I said accusingly, but my tone was lighthearted. I’m gonna show him I’ve got banter.

I think he could spot it right away, because he shrugged, his lips twitching like he was trying not to grin. “I guess I can still be stupid sometimes.”

I hummed. “Okay, that’s enough heart to heart. Goodnight, Horan.”

He groaned. “Why do you always call me that?”

“What?” I asked, actually surprised. “Everyone used to call you that.”

“Yeah, but… It feels different when you do it. You always did it and I just wanted you to call me Niall, I don’t even know why.” His hand went up to mess with his hair, like he always did when he was nervous. There’s that vulnerability in his voice again, just like that first night.

“Well, I’m sorry. You never told me that.” I wanted to tell him that when we were younger I wanted to call him by his first name, but no one really did, so it felt too… intimate. Too special. So to hear that he actually wanted me to… it messed with my head a bit, even if I read a bit too much into it. So, as to not make a fool of myself and dig deeper into that dangerous territory, I said, “goodnight, Niall.”

“Goodnight, Nonnie.”

My heart skipped a bit. It was a nickname I didn’t hear often. My mum sometimes calls me that, even though she knows I don’t like it. My brothers use it to annoy me. But that name coming from Niall’s lips… it sounds different. Way better. And after hearing it, I wish he wouldn’t ever call me by any other name but that one.

~~

After that night, it truly felt like we cleared the air. I no longer avoided speaking to him, no longer looked at him with annoyance and distaste. We didn’t become best friends, but it wasn’t awkward anymore. I could play games and be around him without having my guard up or thinking how I can get out of the situation. And it was a nice change. It also made me realise that he’s a really nice guy. I even saw glimmers of the old Niall I used to be friends with. Only problem was, that was confusing, because, well, I liked that Niall. 

On the penultimate night I’ve decided to do something I’ve always wanted to and spend a whole night on the beach. The girls were not sold on the idea, Melanie was way more enthusiastic about having an empty bed than possibly staying out with me. Libby stayed for a bit, but soon enough she scattered. I didn’t mind being alone, was actually quite used to it. Well, maybe not all night outside on the beach though. 

I was starting to regret my decision, when I heard a familiar voice.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Niall was standing beside me, a beach towel and a blanket tucked under his arm, a backpack on his shoulder.

I shrugged, “it’s a public place,” I said smiling. 

“You’re a bit mad, you know that? Spending the night out here all by yourself, it’s not exactly safe.”

“Well, no one actually wanted to join me, so…”

He gasped exaggeratedly, clearly offended. “So you asked everyone but me?”

I laughed. “No, I just asked the girls.”

He hummed, finally throwing down his towel and settling down. “That makes me feel slightly better, but my ego is still bruised.”

“How did you actually know I was here?” I wondered.

“Well, I was expecting another sleepover, when Jake was very excitedly leaving the room, but you didn’t show up, so I went down and Sam was having drinks with Libby, who told me about your little plan.”

“And you thought it’s such a brilliant idea, you couldn’t not be a part of it,” I said with a grin, taking a piss out of him.

“Nah, I thought it’s so stupid you might just get yourself killed or kidnapped or something and I don’t want to have that on my conscience.”

“Ohhh so you wanted to be my hero.”

He looked a little sheepish, his cheeks burning, before letting out a chuckle. “Yeah, sure.”

I reached to my side and offered him some grapes I brought with me. 

“Do you want a drink or some wine? I can go get us something,” he asked after taking some fruit.

“No thanks, I think I need a detox after that holiday.”

He hummed in agreement. He played with the sand, looking like he was thinking something over, then spoke up, but didn’t look at me. “Tell me about the time I missed. How was uni?”

“Um…” I licked my lips, surprised by his question. “Yeah, well, uni was pretty good. I really liked my courses and it just felt a lot more chilled. Like people didn’t really pay attention to you unless you really wanted them to, which of course I didn’t.”

“Mmmm I think some people definitely paid attention to you anyway,” he said, finally lifting his head to look at me, a small smile on his lips. His eyes were bright, the glow of the moon reflected in them.

I frowned, not entirely sure what he meant by that. “Well, yes, like some colleagues, people I had courses with and talked to or whatever, but everyone was minding their own business mostly. Not like it was home, you know?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, lowering his head again. “So you said you liked your courses, but what exactly did you study?”

“Chemistry.”

“Oh wow. And you were at York, right?” I nodded, wondering how he knew. Maybe he talked to Mel, but I’m not sure why he would be interested in her uni experience. Or maybe he saw it on facebook, but I doubt he’d remember that. “It’s a really good school. Always knew you’re gonna do big things.”

I felt my cheeks heating up at his words, not used to compliments, especially not from him. “Nah, I have a pretty normal job, not changing the world or anything.”

“What do you do?” he asked right away.

“I’m a cosmetic scientist, so basically I work in a cosmetics lab. We make all the formulas for new products and experiment on the ones they’re already producing, seeing if they can be improved.”

“That’s really cool. Do you like it?”

I nodded, a smile on my lips. “Yeah, it’s fun and satisfactory. I couldn’t work with medicine or like… proper chemicals or something like that, I think I would feel a lot of pressure and like… responsibility.”

“And that’s how you know the girls, yeah? From uni?”

“Yes. But enough about me, what about you?” I said, acknowledging that I actually do want to know more about him, know how he spent that time we weren’t in touch, but also where he was now, because to be honest we barely talked about it before.

“Well, I was roommates with Jake in the first year of uni. Then he lived with Sam, so that’s how I know him. Toby is his childhood friend, so I met him through Jake as well. And we met Jordan through a weekend football team and just became friends.”

“That’s more complicated than my friend group,” I chuckled. “Did you have enough of Jake after that first year that you just moved out?” 

“Umm…” he cleared his throat, looking almost embarrassed. “No, I actually quit uni after the first year.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “You did? Why?”

He shrugged. “Just wasn't for me. I mean, I didn’t fail, I actually passed all my exams, just… I worked at the restaurant right after high school and all through that first year and… I liked it, much more than studying. And, well, I heard I was good, got potential, so decided to actually do something about it.”

I looked at him and saw a different man. I saw a guy who was determined, who knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to take a chance on himself. I saw someone brave. “That’s ballsy,” I admitted. “So you’re a chef now?” 

“Yeah,” he smiled. “Well, not like chef chef, I mean I cook, but I’m not a head chef.”

“Still pretty successful, I’d say. Are you happy with that decision now?”

He looked at me a little surprised, like he expected a different reaction out of me, maybe even some judgement. “Yeah. I might take some classes in the future, maybe in management or something. I'd love to open my own place someday, but we’ll see.”

“That’s a really good plan.”

“More like a dream,” he chuckled, “but yeah, thanks.” He went back to playing with the sand, before asking a new question. “What was the best moment in those past six years for you?” 

He surprises me, the questions he’s asking, how open he is with me… It’s a nice change from how we started this vacation. Now it’s like we both actually want to sit here and talk, not minding each other’s company at all, I’d even go as far as saying we’re enjoying it. Well, I know I am.

I hummed for a second, thinking about my answer. “I don’t know, there wasn’t really anything huge or amazing,” I shrugged. “I guess graduating was a great moment, you know, just all the hard work finally finished and kinda paid off, proud parents and whatnot. It felt like an actual accomplishment. Because getting into a good uni is just a first step, but graduating felt like I made it, like I’ve actually done something.”

“Can’t relate, but that makes sense,” he laughed. Even though I knew it was lighthearted, I was a bit embarrassed, because I didn’t consider his uni experience and how my answer might sound. 

“Sorry, I didn’t think,” I said sheepishly.

“No, it’s okay, I was joking. It was my decision to drop out and I’m not ashamed of it. Don’t worry.”

I smiled. “Well, what was your best moment?”

“Oh,” he said, almost like he wasn’t expecting me to turn that question on him. “I don’t know, kinda same as you, there wasn’t anything huge or particularly special. But about a year after I quit uni, the chef I was working for got me a replacement contract at his friend’s place in London, so I spent eight months working there and honestly it was amazing. Hard, but I learned a lot.”

“That sounds really good,” I admitted, seeing that even though he chose a bit of a different path of starting an adult life, he knew what he was doing and made it work. “Didn’t you want to stay there? In the big city?”

“Nah, it was too big for me, actually. And too far from everyone. Also really hard to start something successful there, a lot of competition, you know?”

“Yeah, true. I couldn’t live there either, it’s a beautiful city and I actually really like visiting, but too big and too far for me.”

He hummed in agreement. “Okay, well, what was the worst moment?”

“Um.. Well, do you remember that wonderful game of ‘never have I ever’?” I said a little sarcastically.

“Yeah.”

“Then you might remember that I... was the other woman,” I reminded him, taking a deep breath to prepare myself for this story.

He looked at me, his eyes nothing but gentle. “You don’t have to talk about it, sorry, just forget the question.” His voice was apologetic, I couldn’t even find curiosity in his voice or his look and maybe that was exactly what prompted me to shake my head.

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s just… I didn’t know,” I admitted and lowered my gaze. This time I was the one that started playing with the sand. “It was this guy I met while doing an internship for uni. He was a few years older, worked in the same lab. He didn’t have any connection to my uni or anything, but we often saw each other. So we started talking and dating and stuff. He met my friends, I met some of his. We’ve been together for like eight months, when I got a message on instagram from another girl. They were together for almost five years, engaged for over a year.”

“I… wow, sorry, I don’t even know what to say,” Niall looked utterly shocked and I couldn’t blame him. I used to think those kinds of things only happen in movies or books. Until it happened to me.

“Yeah. He was that type who didn’t have any social media and maybe I should have figured it out, but I didn’t, because it’s not like it’s obligatory. But sure enough, there were pictures of them together on her page. I had a picture with him on mine too, that’s how she found out, I think she saw it on her discover page or whatever. So yeah, I confronted him right away and.. he didn’t even have much to say.”

“What… I’m sorry, but what a fucking prick,” Niall swore, his voice angry. “Honestly, I could never understand people like that. And it wasn’t like a one night thing, not that it would make it better, but you know, it was a full one relationship.”

“Yeah… That was the lowest point of my entire life. I just.. I felt so awful, like a complete fool, but also like a horrible person.” 

It took me a long time to get over it, I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand the situation or his motivation. I’m not sad about it, not even now telling the story, but I could feel my own anger and embarrassment surging through my body.

“No, no, come on, none of that was your fault,” Niall looked at me incredulously, almost like he couldn’t believe me.

“But maybe I could have seen the signs. You know, how sometimes he couldn’t meet up the whole weekend or couldn’t answer the call, but texted me instead…”

“You shouldn’t have to see the signs, because there shouldn’t be any signs. It was a situation that never should have happened.”

He kept his eyes on me, like he was waiting for me to meet them, let him know I heard what he was saying. So I did and gave him a weak smile. I did appreciate his words, I’ve heard them from Mel before, but it was nice to hear that reassurance.

“I know. Well, I try to remember that, but it’s hard when something like that happens and you’re feeling like shit. I… He was my first boyfriend, you know? He was my first… pretty much everything. Well, first and only boyfriend,” I admitted.

“Really? It’s been a few years now, hasn’t it?”

“Are you judging me?” I asked with a little laugh to lighten the mood.

“No, no, of course not,” Niall said defensively before seeing a smile on my face.

I shrugged. “I’ve been on a few dates, had a few adventures, but… nothing serious. I actually don’t know if I can trust someone after that.”

He hummed, thinking over my words for a second. “I think you can, it’ll just take the right person. I hope you can, you’re too amazing to not let anyone new love you.”

His words made my breath hitch in my throat. He just said it with so much… conviction. Like there wasn’t any doubt about it in his mind. Like I was some kind of treasure to be adored. But in the best way, like I deserved everything good in the world. 

“And now I wish I had a drink before,” I said jokingly, even though it couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact that we could talk like that, so open and honest, without alcohol loosening our tongues, it surprised me, but it also gave me this weird warm flutter in my stomach. Talking like that with Niall was not what I was expecting tonight, but at the same time it just felt so… natural. It felt good.

“Do you want me to go get you one?” He offered.

I shook my head. “I’m gonna stick to my detox. Have to have some self control.” He burst out laughing at that. “Thank you,” I said after a second. 

In the smile he gave me I could see that I didn’t need to precise what for, he knew. He understood. And I was grateful, because truth be told, I just wanted to thank him for everything. For listening, for being kind, for still wanting to talk to me and sit with me, even though I misjudged him and held an old grudge, not even letting him show his true colors now.

Niall cleared his throat, ending our little quiet, intimate moment. “Were you planning on sleeping here or waiting for the sunrise?” he asked, laying down.

“I thought I might take a nap, but now it’s not too long until then. Do you want to go to sleep?” 

I also laid down, but propped my head on my arm to still look at him. Our towels were laid down in a way that our heads were next to each other, while our bodies spread the other ways. He was lying on his back, giving me a perfect view of his face. And what a good view it was. He’s utterly beautiful. Maybe that doesn’t sound manly or whatever, he is handsome, but to me… he’s just stunning. It seemed like the light always reflected off his face in a perfect way, whether it  was sunlight in the middle of the day, barely there light in the dark of his hotel room or the moonlight and shining stars on the beach. 

“No,” he said quietly, looking straight into my eyes. The blue of his irises was so compelling, I couldn’t look away. I’ve seen his gaze brush over my face, then focus on my lips. My heart started beating faster. It was like everything just slowed down, like we were trapped in this small short moment that seemed so important. For a second, I thought he might kiss me. And I knew I would have let him. I would have liked that, actually. I wanted him to do it, but in the next second, he looked back into my eyes and I don’t know what he saw, but that moment was broken. He cleared his throat. “Would you rather… have all traffic lights you approach be green or never have to stand in line again?

I burst out laughing, because the question comes out of nowhere, but also sounds exactly like him. He’s just so ridiculous. “What? Where did that come from?”

He grinned. “Well, I think we’ve done enough serious subjects tonight, so let’s do something fun.”

I nodded in agreement. “Definitely never have to stand in line again.”

“Really?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah, I don’t drive. I don’t have a licence, so the red lights don’t really bother me.”

It was silly, but we actually went back and forth asking each other stupid questions, laughing till we almost cried, until the sun came up. Once it was bright, we decided it was time to go. I had a key to Libby and Nora’s room, as they said it’d be okay if I wanted to come take a shower or even go to sleep. We all had rooms on the same floor and we barely excited the elevator, when we saw someone exiting a room at the end of a hall.

“Is that Libby?” I asked, squinting to see better. She was far away and didn’t notice us. I felt Niall tugging on my arm to pull behind the door leading from the elevators into the hallway, so we were hidden from view, but could still kind of see. 

“Wait, I think that’s,” he started, but then the same door opened again and a guy walked out, grabbing Lib by the arm and pulling her in for a kiss. They giggled, shared another one and then split once more. “Yup, that’s definitely Sam’s room.”

I looked at him. “I think our friends really like each other.”

He let out a booming laugh, it was good both Libby and Sam were back in their rooms, or he would have blown our cover. 

“That’s crazy,” he said, still laughing, leading me to his room. 

We were both actually really tired, not sleeping for hours, so I had a quick shower and without much more interaction, we were both asleep.

I woke up before him and decided to make my escape while he was still asleep. I texted Nora, who was also awake, so I went to their room, got dressed, since I had a change of clothes prepared in my backpack, and we headed down for breakfast, all three of us. We barely sat down when Melanie joined us, so we sat drinking coffee and gossiping. 

“Did Niall stay with you last night, Shan?” Libby asked.

“What?” Mel nearly choked at that.

“Well, he was looking for her, when I was still at the bar,” she explained.

“Yeah, he joined me,” I admitted, avoiding their curious looks.

Melanie’s jaw was nearly at the floor.

Nora laughed. “We need more! Did you try… sex at the beach?” She grinned, super proud of herself.

I shook my head, but couldn't help a chuckle leaving my lips. “Definitely not. We played silly games and talked a bit. He was actually cute, got a blanket and snacks, but it wasn’t anything like that.” 

Well, maybe not anything, as I found myself thinking back to our almost kiss. Okay, it wasn’t an almost kiss, it was a wishful-thinking kiss. And the sooner I forget about it, the better.

“It’s nice seeing you not snarling whenever his name is brought up,” Libby said. 

“How was your night?” I asked her in return, sipping my coffee.

“What do you mean?” she frowned. 

I shrugged. “Anything interesting? You were at the bar with Sam pretty late, right?”

“Oh, yeah, well, he’s fun and we just got drunk.”

“Wait, I heard someone coming in super late, it was already bright, but I thought it was Shan,” Nora said, looking between us two with confusion. 

I shook my head. “No, I napped at Niall’s, he had an empty bed.”

“And the bar is only open until half three, isn’t it?” dug Nora, looking at her cousin.

“Umm… Yeah, we went back to his room and just kept drinking. As friends.” Lib awkwardly added the last part, like an afterthought.

“Oh yeah, I thought I saw you leaving his room, when we were just getting back,” I said. Libby groaned, throwing her head back, like she knew what was coming next. But she had a small smile on her face, so I knew it was okay for me to say, she wouldn’t mind. “That kiss didn’t look very friendly, Lib,” I said with a laugh. 

Both Nora and Mel were even more shocked than when they found out Niall joined me on the beach, which was justified. 

“WHAT? You kissed?” Nora looked at her cousin bewildered. 

Libby chuckled. “Yeah, okay, we actually slept together.” Mel whistled, we just laughed. “We got pretty drunk and it just happened.” She shrugged. “What can I say? He’s super fit.”

“So was it just last night or has it happened before?” Nora asked with a curious rise of brows. 

“No, no, just a one night stand,” she assured.

“What about you and Jake?” I asked Melanie. “Have you talked about meeting up at home?”

She smiled. “Yeah, we might.” Nora cheered at that, which made us all laugh. “At first I thought definitely not, it’ll just be a summer romance, but… I do like him, we live in the same city, so why not see what’ll happen?”

“You actually seem good together, like you properly get each other,” Libby said with a smile. 

“Honestly, I think you and Sam could be something too.” 

Lib shook her head. “Definitely not right now. He’s very much still dealing with his last break up and I do not want to get into that situation. But he’s cool, we might hang out.”

They kept chatting, but my attention was elsewhere, because Niall walked in, accompanied by all the guys. They sent some smiles and waves our way, an unspoken hello, but he seemed a bit different, like not everything was alright. I caught his gaze and he gave me a weak smile, which unsettled my stomach. It wasn’t one of those grins that crinkle his eyes and make him look almost boyish and cute. I had this small thought that maybe it was because I just left this morning, being extra quiet and careful not to wake him up, but it couldn’t be that, could it? Why would he care? And yet it seemed like there was almost disappointment in his eyes, when he looked at me.

It was our last day, so we made the most of it, walking around the small city, playing in the sea and then lounging by the pool when the night started to fall. We chatted to the boys and I had a few small talks with Niall, but nothing else. Maybe he was just having a bad day. Or maybe after last night I just had some unreal expectations that now came crashing down. 

~~

The next day, after we landed in Manchester, I said my goodbye to the boys, then hugged all the girls, promising to see them soon.

“Wait, you don’t live in Manny?” Jake asked. I saw Melanie throwing him a knowing look, which made me wonder what they were planning. 

“No, I live in Leeds, well, just outside of Leeds actually.”

“No way, Niall lives in Leeds!” Jake said, clapping his friend on the back. Oh boy, now I see where this is going. “You have your car here then?”

“Umm, no, I’m just gonna take the train.”

“I can give you a ride,” Niall said, he was stone-faced though, so I wasn’t sure if he really wanted to.

“It’s fine, I’m used to the train,” I assured.

“Come on, I’m going there anyway, I can take you,” he said, this time giving me a small smile.

“Okay, thank you,” I agreed, because I didn’t want to have a stupid fight at the airport over this. And it’s not a long ride anyway, just about an hour and a half. We can do this, we definitely can be civil with each other. Well, after the beach I thought we might even be friends, but now I wasn’t so sure. 

“I didn’t know you’re in Leeds, thought you stayed in Manchester,” I said to break the awkward silence once we were in the car. I mentally cringed, because I just let him know that I not only knew, but remembered where he went to uni.

“No, I moved about a year ago, got a good job offer. How come all your friends ended up in Manny except you?” He briefly glanced at me, but mostly kept his focus on the road. It was criminal how good he looked while driving though.

“Well, Nora and Lib are from the area and Mel found a nice job there. I got a good one in Leeds, so that’s where I am. We didn’t stray far from uni, ‘cause I guess we didn’t want to leave our families too far. Well, except Mel, she’s from Southampton, but she couldn’t wait to get out of there.”

“So you visit home a lot?”

“Pretty often, once a month usually. Sometimes more when there’s a birthday or something, depends. But I’ve never really seen you around.” The last part was more a question than a statement, because I don’t really socialise in my hometown, so even if we both were there at the same time, it was quite possible we wouldn't see each other.

“Yeah, um… I still visit, obviously, but since I quit uni my parents aren’t too happy with me and I don’t like hearing I’m a failure too often.”

I nearly gasped, my eyes looking at him with bewilderment. It was hard to believe someone would see him as a failure, let alone his own parents. “Seriously?” He nods. “I’m so sorry.”

He chuckled. “Well, it’s not your fault.”

“It’s not exactly yours either. It’s more them and their expectations and depiction of success. And from what I’ve heard you’re doing good. Honestly, I’m in a bit of awe of your bravery, it takes guts to take a less obvious road like that.”

“Thank you.” He smiled, the true one, the one I missed so much. “It doesn’t help that my parents haven’t been doing great, they’re thinking about separation. I think my dad’s looking for apartments.”

“Oh. That’s shit. Are you alright?”

He looked at me with furrowed brows, like he didn’t expect that question. “Yeah, they haven’t been seeing eye to eye for years and now that we’re all grown up and they’re left alone, it just didn’t make sense to keep fighting.”

“Well, they’re separating, not divorcing straight away, so maybe they do have some fight left in them.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “How are your brothers? They’re not near here, are they?”

“No, Jamie’s in London and Chris is in Oxford.”

He nodded. “So you stayed near to look after your folks a bit, didn’t you?”

He can either read me so well or he just knows me and understands me more than I ever thought. “Yeah, kind of. I mean London’s too big and I do quite like this area. But yeah, I didn’t even look to move somewhere further because I didn’t want to leave them completely alone.”

He smiled, clearly proud of himself for being right. “How are your brothers though? All good?”

I grinned just thinking about them. “Chris has a little kid and Jamie’s getting married.”

He whistled. “Wow, that’s big!”

“Yeah,” I sighed, a small wave of sadness that I always feel when talking about them hitting me. “What about your brother? You said your parents were left alone, so he went away to uni?”

“Yeah, he actually went back to Ireland and now he has a girlfriend there, so I don’t think he’s ever coming back here.”

“Oh wow, I can’t even believe he’s in uni already, he was always a baby.” 

“Yeah, I know, but he just finished his second year, it’s crazy.” 

We sat in silence for a moment, until I broke it again, one more question on my mind. “Do you keep in touch with anyone from home?”

“Not really. Once I went away to uni I kinda realised they weren’t the people I wanted to be friends with. You know, even just like what happened with us, I felt like I needed to impress them and be rude and mean to be considered cool. And that’s just… Not who I want to be. I really did change, Non.”

I smiled. “I know. I can see that. You’re more like that boy who was my friend, just grown up.”

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. I didn’t know what it was, but it must have been something I said, while I meant it as a compliment, maybe it didn’t quite translate to him. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t really know what even prompted this reaction, and before I could, he cleared his throat and changed the subject.

“Do you think Sam and Lib will become something?” 

“I don’t know. She’s adamant it was a one night stand. But I think she likes him a bit, just thinks he’s not ready to date. Did he say anything?”

“Not much, I think he’s confused, because he does like her, but he’s also not really over his ex. I guess only time will tell.” He shrugged.

And that’s how we spent the rest of the drive, talking about our friends and small things, keeping to the safe discussion topics. When we got to my building, he got my bag out of the trunk and offered to help me get it inside, but I declined, there’s an elevator, so I’ll manage. We hugged goodbye and it was the first time I was ever in his arms, but I hope it won’t be the last. He smells like sun and sweat and travel and this woody men-scent that is probably his cologne. I store that smell in my brain, wanting to remember it, remember that moment, this weird situation that brought us back together and in a way, even healed us. 

As I thank him for the drive, I wonder if that’s it. Whether we’ll keep in touch or maybe see each other through our now kind of mutual friends once in a while. And I find myself wishing to keep the momentum of our friendship, or whatever it is, building. Because he is a good guy and I do like talking to him. I don’t want to just lose him again. It happened once and I did nothing about it, just let him slip away. Now, I don't want to let it happen again. 

~~

In a way, it doesn’t. We started following each other on insta, making it a habit of responding to stories and sending memes, always taking that opportunity to chat for a bit. 

Just after two weeks since our vacation, he asked me if I was going to a festival that was happening just outside Leeds. I said no, because I did ask a few of my colleagues but no one was interested. And I could go alone, definitely wouldn’t be the first time, but as much as I knew it’d be fun, I didn’t care that much for it. But then he texted I’m going on Saturday, wanna tag along? Normally I would politely decline, simply because I’d be worried about who else is going with him and whether they really want me there, but he started this topic and the offer seemed genuine, plus I promised myself to give him the benefit of the doubt, which I hadn’t granted him during our vacation. So I wrote back if you’re sure it’s okay, I’d love to.

And that’s how I ended up meeting Niall in line before entrance. He was with his two colleagues from the restaurant and the boyfriend of one of them. He welcomed me with a hug, then introduced me to everyone. 

“So, who are we seeing first?” he asked me, throwing an arm around my shoulders as soon as we got through the gate.

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

He looked at me incredulously. “Are you trying to tell me you didn’t check out the whole line up and pick out the ones worth seeing, knowing who when and where? Come on, Nonnie, that doesn’t sound like you.”

I blushed, because that was exactly what I did. It was a small festival, mostly lined up with newcomers and alternative musicians, so of course I did my research. 

“Well, I might have done that, but I’m not here alone, so I don’t want to be bossy,” I said, which made him grin. 

“You can be as bossy as you like, God knows I don’t mind. Honestly, they’re just here for the beers and fun,” he pointed to his friends, who, sure enough, were already in line for drinks, “and I don’t care if we leave them behind.”

I sighed, giving up. “There should be a pretty cool band on main in like 15 minutes.”

Niall grinned. “Awesome, let’s get some drinks and then go there!” 

We sneaked into the beer line by asking our companions to order for us and then started our fun. The band was actually good and Niall really didn’t care about leaving his friends behind. To be fair one of them left us first, because she saw her other friends. And then we went off to check out some other artists. I had to admit, Niall was a good festival partner. He didn’t complain if I wanted to move closer to the stage or go see a different band, he waited for me right by the toilets, when I needed to go and kept me safe from people who could trample me. He also danced with me, tried to sing even though none of us really knew the words, and kept giving me those huge smiles, his cheeks red from the alcohol and moving around and being in the crowd. And I couldn’t help but smile back at him, because he just looked beautiful and was so nice and cute.

“Come on, I’ll lift you up, you can’t see anything,” he said when we came back to the main stage at some point. There was a proper crowd now and a lot of girls were up on someone’s shoulders, but there was no way I’m gonna be one of them. 

I laughed, he could not be serious. “What? No way!”

“Come on, I won’t drop you,” he looked at me seriously. Oh God, he wasn’t joking.

For a second we just looked at each other, as if assessing the situation and each other’s stubbornness. “I’m too big, you’ll hurt yourself.”

His eyes went wide. “Okay, now you’re just being silly. In what world are you too big?”

I felt my cheeks heating up, it was not a conversation I wanted to have with him, especially not here and now. I was not a small girl, definitely more on the curvy side. “Niall…”

He didn’t let me finish and maybe for the better, because I wasn’t sure what I even wanted to say. “Look, if you don’t want to, that's fine, but don’t give me that kind of bullshit, I won’t stand for it. And trust me, I can take you.”

I licked my lips, contemplating my options. He looked a little riled up and the last thing I wanted to do was upset him after he was so sweet to me the whole day. Truth be told, he is strong. “Okay, how do we do it?” I said, to which he smiled and helped me get up on his shoulders.

To be fair, he was right. He had no problem keeping me up and even refused to get me down before the set ended. When he set me down, he gave me a self-satisfied look that very much said ‘I told you so’. 

We got something to eat, sat on the grass resting for a bit, before going to catch another band. I was actually having way more fun than anticipated. I didn’t expect to spend most of the time just with Niall, but I definitely wasn’t complaining. Our conversation flew so naturally, we kept laughing and fooling around and just… having a good time. 

We were in a crowd, it was already dark, we were sweaty and buzzing from the few drinks we had, but definitely enjoying ourselves. And when the band we were watching started playing a slow song, Niall circled his arms around me, so I laid my head back on his chest and we just swayed to the music, lost in the moment. But then he looked down on me and the next thing I knew, he was caressing my cheek, then putting his fingers on my chin to gently lift my head. And then we were kissing. I would love to say he was kissing me, but it was actually very mutual. It started slow and gentle, but when he pulled away slightly and looked into my eyes, I think he saw no hesitation there. But just in case he did, I turned in his arms, grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him into me for another kiss. This one was much hungrier, like it was a long time coming. And in a sense, maybe it was. But damn, was it worth the wait. 

The roar of the crowd when the song ended pulled us back to reality and with a smile on my face, I turned back around to face the stage. His arms found their way back to my waist, slightly more loose this time, so I took half a step back and snuggled into his body. 

The rest of the festival was kind of a blur of good music, more drinks and more kisses, holding hands and dancing. It was like a barrier between us had been broken by that kiss and there was no coming back from it. Not tonight at least. I was buzzed from the alcohol and the music and the joy of it all, so I didn't even begin to think about what it might actually mean for us. Tonight, I just enjoyed it. When all the good concerts were over, we decided to call it a night, it was after 3am anyway. We shared an uber, as my place is not too out of the way from his place and he didn’t want me to ride alone. I decided it was rather sweet of him. When we arrived in front of my building, he got out with me, gave me a proper kiss goodnight and watched me until I disappeared inside. When I collapsed on my bed, my stomach was fluttering with butterflies and I fell asleep before the doubts and the reality came crashing down. 

~~

The next day it wasn’t as easy to keep the overthinking at bay. I wondered whether I should reach out, text him, whether we’ll talk about it or pretend that nothing happened. But before I started losing my mind, Niall actually put me out of my misery by texting can we meet tomorrow? Dinner after your work? It wasn’t a clear indication of how we were gonna proceed with the situation, but it was something, at least he wasn’t avoiding me. 

Sure, where do you want to meet?, I wrote back and didn't have to wait long for the response. I can pick you up and we’ll go from there, just text me the address of your work? Even though there was a question mark in the end, the text sounded confident. Maybe he thought it through before contacting me. I would appreciate him picking me up, that way I wouldn’t have to get a bus or anything and also we would meet sooner, which was only a plus. So I told him so (not that it was convenient for me, but that I’d be thankful) and gave him the address. He asked me about the hour and then we were all set. All that was left to do was wait and not let my mind wander too much. Wandering mind is dangerous. It can create expectations and give false hope. But it is also very hard to resist. 

~~

I’ve always prided myself at being able to focus on my work, no matter what. Work was work and when I was in a lab, the outside world could very much not exist. But today… I wasn’t at my best. I kept looking at the clock, then checking my phone to see if Niall hadn’t texted to cancel or something. Midway through the day, I locked myself in the bathroom for a few minutes and finally managed to pull myself together and get on with work. I actually focused on it so much, I hadn’t noticed until it was almost fifteen minutes after our agreed meeting time. 

“Shit,” I cursed under my breath, wrapping up what I was working on, grabbing my things and getting out of the lab as soon as I was done. I checked my phone on the way down, but there was no contact from Niall, which made me frown. Maybe he wasn’t here yet? 

But as soon as I stepped out of the elevator, I noticed him. He was sitting on one of the sofas in the lobby, scrolling through his phone and looking absolutely gorgeous. He was wearing dark pants, a t-shirt and converse, his hair a bit more dishevelled than usual. He looked casual, but so damn good. It was almost like he could feel my presence, or maybe just my stare, but he looked up, noticing me right away and stood up, pocketing his phone and smiling at me. 

“Hey, so sorry I’m late, I lost track of time, you should’ve just called or texted,” I said when I was near enough so he could hear me. 

He chuckled and enveloped me in a hug. “Nah, didn’t mind waiting.” He kissed my cheek and I felt goosebumps rising all over my body. “It’s nice to see you, you look beautiful.”

I smiled. I wasn’t wearing anything special, just making the most of summer in a flower-patterned midi dress and white converse for comfort. “You look good too,” I said truthfully. I didn’t know how, but somehow all my nerves just disappeared when he smiled and hugged me. Like, no matter what we decide and how we’ll get on with our relationship, we’ll be fine. 

“Where do you want to go?” he asked and this time I’m the one that looked at him with disbelief.

“Are you telling me you didn’t pick a place for dinner? You, the one who works at a restaurant?”

He laughed. “Yeah, okay, you got me. There’s a good one two streets down, is that okay?”

“Sure, lead the way.”

He gave me his arm to loop my hand around and I was trying not to think about the gesture too much. While we were walking, he asked about my day and we made small talk. I wondered what we looked like to the people passing us on the street. Did we look like a couple heading off on a date after work? Arms intertwined and smiling at each other. I didn’t know, but I found myself wondering if we could ever be a real couple like that.

The place he picked was a nice Italian restaurant, where we sometimes order take away at work. Right after we ordered and the waiter disappeared, Niall cleared his throat.

“So… I wanted to meet up, because I thought it’d be easier to talk face to face. And I didn’t want things to be… unclear between us,” he said, to which I nodded, truly appreciating that. He was a bit nervous, playing with the napkin on the table and running a hand through his hair. “Well… we kissed -” 

I chuckled. “Yeah, we did, I was there.” He looked at me with narrowed eyes, like he was mad I interrupted his momentum. I held up my hands in surrender and he sighed, but I knew he wasn’t mad, just nervous.

“As I was saying, we kissed and… well, I don’t know about you but I liked it.”

I tried to stop the smile from taking over my face, but it was impossible. He’s just too cute when he’s nervous and trying to be serious. “Yeah, I liked it too.”

He nodded. “Good, that’s a good start.”

I covered his hand lying on the table and he looked me truly in the eyes for the first time today. “Why are you so nervous? It’s just me.”

I swear his breath hitched in his throat. “Yeah, exactly, it’s you. I… Well, I care about you. And I really don’t want to screw this up.”

I squeezed his hand, which prompted him to turn it over and interlock our fingers. My heart started beating faster, both at the gesture and at his words. “You’re off to a good start,” I assured. “And for the record, I like you. In case it wasn’t obvious.” A smile finally broke on his face, like he didn’t expect me to say that.

“You do?” he asked, grinning like a kid in a candy shop.

I laughed. “Yeah.”

He exhaled visibly. “Okay, well, I had a whole speech prepared and you just made me forget it all,” he chuckled, his free hand messing with his hair again.

“I don’t need a speech.”

“Well, I just wanted to say that I know relationships are hard for you and that’s why I wanted to be clear about it. And I might have spent all of yesterday thinking about you and what you were thinking about it all. I had to throw out three dishes, because I messed up.”

I laughed again and this time he joined me. It was good to know I wasn’t the only one who kept overthinking the situation. “I really appreciate that. I was very glad you reached out pretty early on, because I wasn’t sure if it’s okay to text and where we were standing in general.”

He nodded and there was a beat of silence between us. We took each other in, took the situation in, which made my stomach all fluttery, because wow, we really are here, admitting to liking each other and… on our way to becoming something, I guess. It’s a bit scary, but damn it’s also very exciting. 

He cleared his throat and started playing with the rings on my fingers of the hand he was holding. “You know, we can go at whatever pace you want, I’m fine with slow. I just.. I really want us to have a chance.”

My heart burst with what can only be described as happiness and appreciation. He’s so… considerate. And sweet. Damn, I really want to kiss him now. But I’m not brave enough to lean across the table, so it’ll have to wait. “Okay. I’m good with that. So don’t expect to meet my friends anytime soon.”

I grinned saying those last few words and he burst out laughing. A loud belly laugh, my favourite. 

“Yeah, okay, you won’t be meeting mine for a while either.”

Our moment was a bit disturbed by the waiter bringing our food. We ate in silence for a few minutes, just stealing glances and smiles. 

“So, is this our first date?” I asked, taking a sip of my wine.

He leaned back in his chair, now full of confidence, a smug smile on his lips. “Oh no, when we have our first date, you’ll have no doubt about it being a date, trust me.”

I raised my brow and chuckled. “Okay. Well, do you want to hang out after this though? We could watch a movie at mine or something,” I said, hoping not to sound too forward or desperate, but I simply wanted to spend more time with him. It’s funny how back on vacation I kept hoping he wouldn’t be around us too much, while now it looks like I can’t get enough of him. 

His face fell a bit and my stomach dropped. “I’d love to,” he’s quick to say, “but I have to be up at like 4 tomorrow.”

“4 am?” I asked incredulously, because that is a very ungodly hour.

“Yeah, I’m on supply duty this week,” he explained to which I nodded in understanding. “But I’d love to see you again this week. I need to check my schedule and stuff, but hopefully I can get that first date?”

His eyes were so hopeful and I realised I would agree even if it meant changing my whole schedule around. “I’d like that.”

We finished our meal in silence once again. When our bellies were full and the bill was paid (I insisted on splitting it, especially since it wasn’t a date), we were finishing our drinks and I noticed something that somehow escaped me before. 

“You need to do something about that sunburn,” I said. Of course he was tanned, I knew it back in Mykonos, but I just noticed how burnt he actually was, his skin more red than brown.

He groaned, hiding his face in his arm. “I’m Irish, I don’t do well with the sun.”

I laughed, grabbing his arm to uncover his face. “No, you look good,” I assured, “but you need to take care of your skin now. Are you putting something on it?”

“No,” he said, like it’s the most obvious thing. 

“Okay, come on, there’s a drugstore nearby, we’ll get you something.” I stood up, grabbed my bag and was ready to go, while he was still in his chair, looking at me like I wasn’t quite real. “What?” I asked, feeling a bit insecure now. Did I say something wrong? Cross some line?

He shook his head and stood up, grabbing my hand and leading me out. “Just… No one cared about me like that.”

I blushed, but smiled. He stopped, just like that, three steps out the door to the restaurant, in the middle of the pavement, leaned down and kissed me. It was sweet and quick, but it was exactly what I’ve been waiting for. 

At the drugstore, he laughs when I’m reading all the labels, trying to pick the best thing for him, joking about my expertise and professionalism, but I know he’s grateful. And he’s also surprisingly affectionate, straight away. Keeping a hand on my waist or back when I’m inspecting the shelf, peppering kisses on my neck and cheeks while I’m reading the labels. People are looking at us like we’re disgusting lovesick puppies. But I can’t say I mind, not when it feels so good, not when it makes me so happy, giddy with excitement.

Even though he refused to go back to my place, we still hung out. We ended up walking around for a bit, then getting ice cream and sitting in the park. I got a feeling he didn’t want to say goodbye just yet, either. But at the end, obviously we had to. He drove me back home, which was an unfortunately short drive. He got out of the car, opened my door and then we spent five minutes actually saying goodbye, which involved quite a bit of kissing and hugging. We’re like two teenagers in love and I can’t say I mind. We eventually part with promises of meeting soon and calling and texting. 

My mind should be screaming at me to be careful, to not get too involved too quickly, but somehow, it isn’t. I feel calm, but excited. Happy. Looking forward to the next time I talk to him, see him. Of course I still do want to take it kind of slow, but I also have this weird confidence that he’s not gonna hurt me. That it’s the real thing. It’s funny how feelings can change for the better. All we really need to do is let them and let ourselves see the good. Because if we don’t, the world is gonna be a sad place. And who wants to live in a world like that, when you could have butterflies in your stomach and a great guy trying to prove his good heart to you? 

[zaina-xoxo]

My k-pop opinions

* I feel like a large/fair amount of BTS stans (army's) are not actually into BTS. Majority of army's are just there for the hype and popularity around BTS. Not all are like that. I understand, many army's are there since the beginning and continue to do so till the end!

* Don't ignore the problematic stuff your idols say or do! I see a lot of k-pop stans ignore all the mistakes. And even if an idol does the same mistake/or a mistake in general, don't bring up their previous apologies everywhere! They need to be educated about it and stuff, and covering them up won't help it.

* 'Mistreated', it gets brought up in every subject. If an idol doesn't have a fancy outfit for once, or doesn't get as much attention , you name it. Mistreated gets brought up. Most of times your idols are mismanaged, not mistreated.

* Liskook: Where do I even start?- If your unaware, Liskook is a ship between Lisa (Blackpink) and Jungkook (BTS), people like to believe they are real, and go to extreme lengths. Like making edits of them together, and the fanarts :/, if the lengths people go to, to prove they are real. If you believe in Liskook, your a delusional.

* Those who can't differentiate between k-pop idols, I am sorry if I sound rude, but you must be bad at recognising people.

* Jennie is the best in Blackpink. She is a total package! Like she can dance (after her ankle injury it seems like she doesn't try anymore, and I get that, getting your ankle injured for 9–10 times isn't fun), she can sing, I love her vocals! She can rap! She is my bias for a reason! The other girls are good too! Most of the times she's overrated, there's no ignoring that.

* Honestly I love Red Velvet's comebacks, you never know what kind of concept they are gonna back with, and their songs are really unique!

* More & More stage outfits were ugly.

* I loved Rosé's Gone!

* At this point, I find girl groups hotter than boy groups.

* I hate it when you call a grown ass man/woman a baby- like they are actual adults. Call them cute/adorable anything, but baby? I hate it when fans do that.

* Your idols are not your property. You can't buy their life! Give them some personal space, they deserve happiness too. Don't act childish and selfish.

* There's a big difference on supporting a group, supporting one person and hating others. Like I don't have a problem with solo stans, but when they hate the rest of the group it annoys me.

* Let idols date, they have a life too. They don't belong to you.

* Sexually attracted to a idol is normal, like it's a human thing. Attracted to an idol is different than sexualizing an idol.

* You need to stop sexualizing idols, like I hate it when people do that. Like, when an idol isn't even an adult (a teenager) the inappropriate comments are everywhere. Like, no. Stop!

* You don't need to like every member. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying hate the other members. You don't need to like any of them. Like, you can just listen and vibe to the songs, and not like any members. Biases exist, for a reason. You don't need to keep up with the group/members at all. It's music, after all. Unless, you're being hateful, it's a whole different story.

* Most of the opinions are just there to hate on a group (blindly) whom people know nothing about (there might be a few opinions of mine like these, but they are not hateful!)

* Shipping is supposed to be fun, not toxic. Like, shipping is so toxic in k-pop. Like the weird edits, fanarts and stuff (most of the fanarts are fantastic, but why the ship?) I don't have nothing against people who ship idols as long as you're not crossing the line, and don't take it to the extreme (which most of y'all do). Like, enjoy it, but don't cross the line. Most of y'all are harmless, and I agree. Shipping is cool, unless it's taken seriously.

* If you wanna write fanfiction about real life people, make sure it's harmless! Just don't dump all your fantasies into it. They are real people!

* There's no best company in k-pop. Every company is worst or best in their own way. And you're never too sure what happens behind the curtains.

* BTS did not pave the way. They helped in the popularity, but no they didn't pave the way.

* Fanwwars are the worst. I don't see the point in it. They are literally so lame, like most of them make me laugh. Like y'all immature af, just get a life. Like why?

* 2nd generation k-pop was the best. Go on prove me wrong :). Ha, you cant.

* Solo >> On The Ground >> Gone >> Lalisa >> Money

* Lisa's solo wasn't that bad. Like, it grew on me. I like it now. Say whatever you want, but i don't hate it anymore. Like, I found it cool after listening to it a few times.

* Sexual harrasment, Sexualization etc. needs to stop.

* I find Aespa's concept confusing, but it's unique.

* You don't have to like every song artist's release. Like, why are y'all attacking for not liking a song? Chill, people have different interests and don't like the same things as you. You shouldn't force them too.

* I've finding myself drift away from k-pop. I am 👌🏻 close to leaving the k-pop fandom either permanently or temporarily. Like, I don't have intrest in the groups I stanned before. Honestly, I might just consider myself a decent listener at this point.

* Why can't yall handle when k-pop idols date? Jealous that you can't date your precious oppa and noona? That's ridiculous. I dare you to never date in your life, will you do it? It's the same for idols, let them live their life. Like y'all are so toxic, and need to get out of your fantasies. Seriously people like these annoy me so much, I wanna throw hands.

* I hate survival shows.

* Most k-pop idols can't model. Don't get me wrong herereason Like, most of the time they are just pulling it off cause they are pretty.

* The main reason idols aren't allowed to date are the fans. Company's protray idols as the dream boyfriend/girlfriend, and the fans go with it, get lost in their fantasies. Dream that they will go to South Korea, become a k-pop idol and fall in love. It ain't easy as it sounds, trust me :/

* BTS and Blackpink aren't the only talented groups out there. Like, there are groups that deserve the exact fame as success as them.

* I can't stan Twice or Ateez. I need to get connected to the members to stan a group. I love their music and stuff. But I don't connect with their personalities.

* Most of the idols are dating. Get over it. Like, y'all are hating on idols who date, but your favourite oppa and noona might be dating. Like, most of y'all are caught up in the idols, like when they say 'I only love my fans' like they don't even know you honey. This really is ridiculous. Y'all don't believe that k-pop idols are/can date cause of the illusion. Y'all go like 'ah, I wish they would date' yada yada yada, and when they actually do. You make comments on the relationship, don't support it etc. Like, you were the one who wished they could date! Where's the support now? Like most of them unstan that particular idol or the whole group because of this. Like y'all stop—

* I feel like majority of the people are hating on Lisa's solo without an actual reason. I get it, it didn't pass your expectations but why overhype it? Why overrate her talents? Like she did what she had to do. It ain't her fault, I think she wasn't even involved in the writing of her songs. After a few listens, I liked that song. Money, it wasn't as good. But, it could be better. I understand, most of us don't have the same intrests, and you don't have to like a song. But don't hate on Lisa for that. Y'all are blaming Lisa for that, when you were the ones who hyped it up. But the word Lalisa is stuck in my head, that I feel like I've entered some cult-

* Normalise solo stans, the ones that aren't toxic and respect the group as a whole, you have my respect. But the ones that hate the rest of the group- we need to discuss some serious shit.

* You don't have to like every song that is self produced.

Feel free to agree or disagree! I will add more later on :)