#edit I added part numbers lol

[pixlatedvampire]

You gave those wounds to your god, Enki. Did you think they would heal so easily?

(Uh Oh! Someone gave the priest catholic guilt!)

[daphwritesworld]

Chapter 3— Fool.

a/n: welcome back to the Be My Baby series! Sorry y'all, I left with some with friends and it went on waaaaay longer than I thought it would lol. I'm gonna break this chapter up into 2 parts so I can get it posted tonight. So an extra chapter will be added!! Chapter 4 will just be the part 2 of this one, and after that it'll be back on schedule. Oh and don't worry— chapter 4 will be out tomorrow btw!! that's where the big boy angst comes on. so y'all are safe until then. thank you for your support and happy reading < 3

(p.s. sorry I didn't proof read this again, lol. I will later & edit any details that need touching up. Again sorry this is late, but I hope getting part two and the Keira fic tomorrow will make up for it haha.)

content: sick!Reader, caretaker!Leah, straight up no smut (CRAZY I KNOOOOOW), mostly fluff, and some angst.

warnings: talks of not hydrating & eating properly, the flu, A&E/ER, confusion caused by sickness

synopsis: You wake up sick and you call the only person you can think of for help.

word count: 3.0k

Series Masterlist: here.

!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!

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The sound of your alarm doesn’t jolt you awake this morning. You’re already lying wide awake before it rolls around this time. You’d woken up early and your mind drifted to Leah, your whole situation together, barca, and the inevitable moment when they all come crashing together like a high speed train accident. Is it severely toxic and self destructive? Oh for sure…but who’s gonna stop you?

You stretch out your limbs as you set up in bed, turning off your alarm as you settle back into your own skin. There’s a rolling storm of anxiety filling your gut, and as your feet touch the ground it flies up to your throat. You run to the bathroom and barely make it to the toilet in time, emptying out your stomach contents. Which at the moment is just your bile. The sweating must’ve started when you were in bed; because you quickly notice the dampness of your shirt from the temperature drop in the bathroom. The cold tiles seep through Leah’s sweats and chill your body down. You shiver after a few minutes, staying seated on the floor as you take a moment to catch your breath.

You make quick work of going to grab your phone and sending your boss a quick message. As soon as it's sent you make your way to the shower. It's only when you bend down to take your pants off that you realize how sick you truly are. Your vision goes blurry and your head starts floating in and out of dizziness. You slowly lower your body, your hands making contact with the floor as you set yourself down. It's then that the headache starts— like your brain is pounding against your forehead on repeat. It's sharp and never ending, leaving you to crumble down into tears.

You don't have a car, and even if you did— you are in no state to operate a vehicle right now, and you definitely don't feel confident enough to order a taxi like this. So you are left with one option. One you know you're gonna regret when you're not sick and delusional, but it's the one thing your broken mind can think of…You call Leah. You crawl across the tiled floor and get your phone off the counter, dialing her number as you pray she picks up. And of course she does, because by the third ring her voice is greeting you through the speakers. "I knew you couldn't resist me, darling. I've just been wait—"

"Le…" you cut her off with a sob of her nickname. Your head is painfully throbbing now, and your mouth is so dry your throat is scratchy. She can tell just from the small amount of your voice she hears.

"y/n, hey— what's wrong? I'm on my way, alright? I'll be there soon, just stay on the phone with me," Leah's moving before the first word even leaves her mouth. She's leaving her breakfast on the table as she slips mismatching shoes on her feet. Running out of her flat with nothing but her keys and her phone in her hands.

"Something's wrong, Le. I'm sick and I-I..I'm sorry. I didn't know who else to call," your voice breaks at the end. It's like a knife plunging into Leah's heart as she hears it; the absolute brokenness of your words. She knows there's a deeper meaning behind your them, but she won't push it. Leah knows any of the girls would come to help you in a heartbeat, so what's got you believing otherwise? Or maybe the better question is, who has you believing otherwise? She'll investigate that later.

"Hey, hey, calm down. You're alright, love. Take a deep breath for me, okay? I'll be there before you know it, and we'll get you to the doctor," Leah's voice would normally calm you down, but your brain is still running a million miles per minute…and it's only making you feel worse. It's like you can't focus on a singular thought, and the confusion only fuels your distress. Leah presses down on the gas pedal when she doesn't get a response from you. She can only hear your cries filling up the empty space of her car. She gets to your building in record time, and only then does she realize she didn't bring her wallet.

"God dammit," she chastises herself under her breath, trying to not let you hear her frustration as she searches for a on-street parking spot. She just had to forget you live in a fancy ass building with paid parking, today of all days. "I'm parking now, love. I'll be up in a few minutes." Thankfully she gets one across the street, rummaging through her center console for some change coins. She puts way more than needed in the parking meter, but that's not her main priority right now. "I need you tell me if the door's unlocked, okay? I know you don't feel well, but can you unlock it if it is?"

You close your eyes as you take a deep breath, gathering all your mental strength to answer her. "N-No. There's a key under t-the welcome mat though…I don't think I can walk by myself. I-I'm so sorry, Leah," you can't stop the embarrassment from filling your body. You hate having to ask people for help— especially when you need it the most. It makes you feel weak, helpless, and like a burden. It's a deep seated insecurity you can't seem to shake, but it's not like you've really ever tried to correct it. We all know Leah's stubborn, but you? You can be even worse than her. It's not like you mean to be, but you're just…broken. In more ways than even you would like to admit.

Leah sees right through it though— she always has. She is the one person in your life that sees you for who you are. Not the persona you put up for the rest of the world. You two may of only spent a short time together that year ago, but oh what an impact it made. Spending every waking second with a person for weeks on end does something to a person. You either ending up hating each other, falling in love, or whatever the fuck you two got going on.

"You don't need to be sorry, y/n. You definitely need a better hiding spot for your spare though, that's just bloody awful! You're asking for a break in!" Leah feels herself get a little frustrated as she retrieves your key. Her voice picking up into a scolding tone as she jiggles with your doorknob. You whimper out as you move the phone from your ear, the slight rise in her voice making your head hurt more. "Too loud," you say as she walks into your home. She makes sure to shut the door lightly, before smacking herself in the forehead for raising her voice with you. "I'm sorry, love. I just worry about you. Now which room are you in?"

"My bathroom," your voice sounds so small now. Like a child getting in trouble.

"I'm on my way to you now, okay?" Leah says as she climbs the stairs. Her eyes flit over your walls and she notices the lack of pictures. You have bare hallways and they look so, so lonely. She walks into your bedroom and she sees the void of no decor or really any of your things at all. It makes her sad, but mostly it leaves her wanting to ask more questions. Questions she knows she can't ask right now, but will get the answers to someway.

Nothing could have prepared Leah for what she sees behind the wooden door of your bathroom. You're clad in a mist of sweat, all the color drained from your face, and you're shaking like a leaf. It isn't until she's running up to you and falling to her knees that she sees the extent of your state. Your pants are still sitting halfway down your thighs, and Leah quickly moves to redress you. She makes sure not to look at you inappropriately, only doing what's needed to get you comfortable and less exposed. She knows how vulnerable you are right now, and she's doing everything she can to make sure you're okay. She sheds her Arsenal hoodie off, sliding it over your head as she encourages you to push your arms through.

“Hey love, let’s get you stood up– that’s it.” She helps you get to your feet, letting you lean all your body weight onto her. Leah guides you back towards your bed, sitting you on the edge as she goes to grab a pair of your shoes. It doesn't take her long before she's rejoining you and sliding some slip-ons over your feet. she pats your legs when she's down, looking up to see your disheveled appearance. "You ready to go?"

"Mhm," you nod your head along. Talking is only making your headache worse, so you've opted for noises instead.

With that, Leah is helping you back up. But before you can rest your weight back onto her side, she's picking you up bridal style. Your arms instinctively go to wrap around her neck, burying your face in the warmth of her embrace. You don't have the energy to argue with her, and honestly it's a relief to not have to walk right now. She carries you like you weigh nothing, shutting and locking your door like she isn't holding an entire human being. If you didn't feel like death you'd be obsessing over how hot she is, but right now you're just thankful.

You must've fallen asleep, because the next thing you know you're waking up in a A&E bed. You blink a few times to adjust to the lights above you, small groans slipping out as you try to stretch the cramped feeling out of your limbs. Then you hear her softly speaking on the phone across the room, and you go back to lying still. You close your eyes as you focus on trying to hear her conversation. "I know I should've called first, but you didn't see her. She couldn't even stand on her own, and she fell asleep in my arms before we even made it to her building elevator! She's in bad shape, and I'm not just gonna leave her here all alone in a country she doesn't fucking know. I'm the Captain and it's my responsibility to look after everyone— I don't fucking care that she's not a player! She's on our team, our crew, and she deserves our support. Call me back when you get your head out of your ass," and with that she hangs up.

You try and force yourself to just back to sleep and forget everything you've heard, but of course that's not how things work out. Your stomach starts turning again, complicating feelings swirling around with the uneasiness. The tears come falling down your cheeks before your eyes even open, your chest starting to tighten up as the sobs claw at your lungs to get out. It feels like you can't breathe, and honestly maybe you aren't. Not as you see flashbacks of Barca passing through your memory, a wave of dread blanketing over your body.

"What hurts, love? Do I need to get the nurse?" Leah's by your side the second she notices, a hand out grasping your forearm. Her fingers dance little patterns into your skin, and it actually starts to ground you. "Come on, take deep breaths with me again, okay?"

You nod your head, and then she's holding both your hands. You follow her lead as she sucks in a slow breath and holds it, before exhaling just as slow. She repeats the process with you until you're calmed all the way down. It doesn't take too long, but honestly Leah isn't going to leave you anytime soon anyway. "Nothing hurts," you say it so softly she barely hears it. Your eyes stay locked down onto the bed sheets below you, never making any eye contact with her.

"Then why were you crying, y/n?"

"Because I heard you on the phone…and I don't know. I guess I freaked out, and went spiraling into a self hate hole for a second. I'm okay, really."

"oh bloody hell! I'm so sorry you heard that, darling. I should've went into the hall or something—"

"It's okay, Le. I'm just sensitive, and really really delulu from whatever sickness I currently have…plus it was nice to hear you stick up for me, Captain."

"The mystery sickness is indeed just a bad case of the flu…but uhm, the doctor said it was made worse from you being dehydrated and probably not eating enough from the looks of your blood work. I'm not gonna judge you or yell at you. But I am taking you home with me when they discharge you. I'm your official caregiver until you're well enough to take after yourself again," Leah doesn't let go of your hand as she says it. She tries to connect your gazes, but you don't allow it. Actively avoiding her eyes as you feel them burrowing holes into your skull.

You wish you could argue with her and tell her she's wrong…but you can't. You've been skipping out on meals ever since you moved here. It's not been on purpose, you just haven't been able to eat. It's like your body hates the idea of eating, always growing nauseous after every few bites. So you've been drinking some meal replacements…not enough apparently. "Okay."

"…Okay? Really? That was a whole lot easier than I thought it would be," Leah is staring at you with her biggest look of, 'be so for real, bitch' written across her face. But you just shrug as you sink back into the uncomfortable mattress underneath you. You're so mentally and physically wore out right now, there's just no fight left inside you. Right as you're about to re-close your eyes, the doctor finally comes back in. After getting the run down from him, he lets you know that you can be discharged and to pick up your antibiotics before going home. Leah helps you redress again, and this time it has you giggling at the way she makes her eyes go anywhere but at your naked body.

"Hold on…how'd you get the doctor to tell you what was wrong with me before I even woke up? Aren't there some rules against that?"

"…I might have told everyone that you're my fiancé," Leah smiles at you nervously.

"Fuck you, Williamson! Take yourself on that date Thursday!"

"Oh, so you're finally agreeing that it's a date?" Leah smirks at you, only hearing the parts of what she wants to hear.

"Well, I guess we'll never know, now will we?"

She rolls her eyes at you for that, holding her hand out for you to take. And you do, still leaning against her some to walk. She helps you to the car, and once you're both secure she's driving you to your new home for the next few days…or weeks. God you hope only days. It feels weird to be back inside a house with another person, and it's extra fucking weird that it's Leah. You know this stay is when you have to put down some boundaries with her. To stop whatever there is between the two of you. It makes the previous pit in your stomach increase by double, because deep down you know you care about her...you're just lying to yourself about it. You can push every feeling down your throat, but they will all come spilling out at some point. That's what you've learned to be true over the years, but will you accept that as truth? Hell no! At least not anytime soon. Your worst problem is that you always get in your own way.

When she finally gets you inside, Leah starts cooking and letting her mind wonder to think of you. More importantly to the phone call you overheard in the A&E. She'd been talking with her manager, and completely snapped on him. He'd said something about how Leah 'follows you around like a lost puppy' and well…. it hurt her fucking feelings. Of course she isn't doing all of this just because she's one sided sickly in love with you…right? Sure she thinks of you literally every second of the day, and she's been day dreaming of you for the past year, but that's all totally normal...RIGHT?

Leah doesn't get to spiral into her romanic crisis for too long, because before she knows it the timers going off. She drains the gnocchi before putting it in a bowel for you, making her way back to the living room where she left you. She laughs at the sight that greets her— you snuggled up asleep in her Arsenal hoodie she'd given you when she first saw you. Leah just sets the gnocchi aside on the coffee table, opting to cuddle you instead of waking you up. She pulls you onto her body, your face resting on her chest as she tries to adjusts you without waking you up.

She finds herself running her fingers through your hair, and before long they're running softy across the features of your face. Leah lets a deep sigh come out of her chest. She truly feels like a fucking fool. Leah doesn't chase girls— they chase her. So for the first time in this game, she is the one crying. She's clinging onto any crumb of attention you'll give her, and she'll keep doing it for as long as it takes. Leah has you sleeping against her chest once again, and it's nothing like she's day dreamed of. You two aren't confessing your feelings, running around town making memories, or god forbid actually dating…but she'll keep feeling like a fool and waiting on you. She'll keep searching for your love until she finds it, because she knows she's felt flashes of it. She knows that carefree, wild, truly happy girl from Ibiza is still inside of you somewhere. Leah doesn't know what took that extra bright sparkle out of your eyes, but she is determined to see it light up your face back up.

[ramp-it-up]

Knock You Down: III

Summary: James Bucky Barnes is an avowed bachelor and one night stand artist. But when he meets you, he finds out that sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down. Bucky feeds you after the failure of date number 2.

This is a follow up to Part II

Word count: 2.3 K

Pairing: Art Dealer (mob boss) Bucky Barnes x Reader

A/N: Okay I Lied! I added more words as I edited this and it ended up over 5K. So... there will be four parts to this fic which has posessed my soul. It will be posted Tuesday 10/15. Thank all of you for rocking with me on this one. This was in part inspired by Seb Stan's latest pics and this press run 🫠, and partially inspired by an old song by some problematic people, lol. This is the result. As usual, I am Basil Exposition, so this is broken into parts.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. Read at your own risk. Slow burn, cursing, mutual pining, idiots in love, playful banter. Bucky and reader talk about sex, without talking about it. Or doing it. This is fluffy, yet angsty and I feel like you might not like it. Let me know if you do.

I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

-----

Bucky Barnes was sitting at your table eating Thai food with you and you weren’t mad. He had ordered twice the amount you requested and damn you, you thought it was cute.

He was cute, casual in t-shirt, sweats and a ball cap. He looked as alluring as he did in a suit.

You were doomed.

Bucky didn't try to get into a deep discussion or get close to you. He just kept you company as you ate and poured you some of the best rosé that you’d ever tasted. 

Food was your love language, and having good food did a lot for your mood. It also didn’t hurt that the delicious snack known as James Bucky Barnes was sitting across from you.

You respected his game.

But somehow you didn’t think it was a game. He’d been honest and straightforward with you. As much as a man in his position could be. Then you realized that he’d probably told you too much.

“What is it, Frumoasă? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Are you here to give me a last meal and then kill me?”

Bucky laughed loudly. He loved that you had the ability to make him do that. He loved…

“That mind of yours, Y/N.” 

He shook his head at you.

“I’m not going to kill you. I want you safe. Even if you are not going to be mine.”

Your ears perked up at that phrase.

You already knew that Nico was parked outside of your place. You realized that he had been hanging around since Monday night. 

But what you were tripping over is that Bucky said that he wanted you to be his. 

You normally weren’t into possessiveness, but on James Barnes it was sexy as fuck.

After eating, it was only polite that you gave him a tour of your brownstone. He didn’t touch you, but the proximity of his body to yours at the door of your bedroom was heady stuff. You wanted him to… 

But you just took a deep breath and led him back down to your front door.

“Before you kick me out, I have something to say.”

Bucky had never felt the need to explain anything to anyone in a very long time. But you weren’t just anyone.

“I apologize for giving you a security detail without your knowledge. And then piling my friends on as well. They wanted to check you out, and I wanted to be sure that you were safe. Those gossip blog posts have heightened the risk for you.”

Your eyes widened.

“What posts?”

“We’ve been papped every time we’ve gone out. You didn’t know? I thought that’s why you asked what you did tonight.”

You groaned. 

“No, my friends must have seen them. What do they say?”

Bucky hesitated. Just a moment, and then responded to the look on your face. He ascertained that he was going to have to be straight with you consistently if he wanted to be in your company.

“Well… Since we’ve been spotted together more than once, one particular site is claiming that we’re already in a relationship. They say you are my girlfriend.”

The softness of his voice when he said ‘girlfriend’ got to you.

Whoo boy.

You groaned, then laughed.

“That’s ridiculous, you’ve never even kissed me.”

Bucky laughed too.

“Ha ha. Yeah. It’s crazyyyyyy.” 

“Isn’t it though…?

You tried to look deep into his eyes, and he let you. You saw something that didn’t really surprise you. So you decided to just ask the question that was on your mind.

“James, what do you want out of this? This…”

You didn’t say what you were thinking, but he knew exactly what you were thinking when you didn’t finish your sentence.

Bucky looked off as if he were seeing something that wasn’t there yet, then back at you.

“I want… you. I don’t want a one night stand. Or a situationship.”

He watched you carefully as he said the next words.

“I want, I need so much more from you.”

He took both of your hands into his as he leaned against the door frame.

“Listen. When you left earlier this evening, it knocked me on my face. You’ve got me thinking about a lot. Things like what our life might be like in the future.”

You were spiraling as he spoke. ‘Our life,’ ‘future.’ But you tried to remain calm.

“This was never supposed to happen to me. Y/N. But ever since you came into my office on Monday, my heart has been racing. I’ve got feelings for you. Strong ones.”

“Wow.”

It was all you could say. But when you thought about it, you felt the same exact way. You smiled at him and his nerves calmed. 

Just a bit.

“I have to admit that every morning when you text me, I get the biggest smile on my face. That wasn’t something I wanted or planned.”

You looked down at your fingers entwined with his. Yes. This could be a thing.

“It’s not exactly convenient to have these kinds of feelings this fast, James. Especially with all has happened.”

You looked up at him, and the hurt on your face destroyed him.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. And I understand if you want to pump the breaks. I-”

“If you want me, then why haven’t you made a move?”

You interrupted him to ask about the next most important topic on your list.

Bucky recognized your insecurity.

“Don’t ever doubt the sexiness of your appeal, Frumoasă. I want to kiss you, and more to be honest. But I haven’t because I am so afraid of you.”

The way he looked at you caused a tingle of fear to unfurl in your belly.

Or was it desire? 

“You are afraid of me. I see. You’re a terrible kisser. That’s why you don’t go on second dates. I get it now.”

Bucky threw back his head and laughed.

“Maybe so.”

He gazed at your smile and the way your entire face was alight. Then he brought one of your hands to his lips.

His mouth on your palm enabled you to feel the salt and pepper whiskers on his face. And when he slid those lips to your wrist you moaned a little and squirmed and his eyelids fluttered closed as he inhaled the scent there.

“The skin here is so soft and fragrant, makes me wonder about…”

He stopped speaking but the silence spoke volumes. This man was having wild thoughts about you. Of that you were sure now. You wanted him everywhere.

Bucky brought your hand down from his face and rubbed your wrist with his thumb. The sensuality of the act made you feel unstable. You must have wobbled because his hand went down to your waist to steady you. But you just felt more dizzy.

He chuckled at your tell and saved you again.

“Can we sit?”

“Yeah.”

The couch was a bit dangerous, but the blood was leaving your head.

“Truth?”

“Always, James.”

“Okay. The truth is I don’t think you could handle it.”

You scoffed at the challenge.

“Come again?”

He smirked at you and you rolled your eyes and then he sobered up.

“If I kiss those lips, Y/N, I’m not going to abandon them in haste. I’m going to take my time. And I’m not being cocky, but I’m pretty sure things will progress rapidly. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stop myself from giving you anything you ask for. Anything.”

The sensual promise was making you wet. You clenched your thighs together, causing Bucky to look down at them and lick his lips. When he looked back up, his eyes were dilated.

You knew that you could have him right now if you wanted. You took a deep breath to clear your head and Bucky’s eyes were on your lips.

This feeling was a drug.

“I’m already falling for you, but I know that I will crash into you. I can get intense about the things and the people that I care about. And you’re not ready for that, Frumoasă. Not at all.”

You pulled your hands away from his even though you wanted to jump his bones. 

“How do you know what I’m ready for, Mr. Barnes?”

Bucky smiled at you.

“You just said that your feelings for me aren’t convenient.”

You sucked your teeth at him and crossed your arms, turning your body away from him. Bucky was charmed by your pout, but a little mad at you closing yourself off from him. If you were his, he’d teach you a lesson about that. He’d open you up. 

But damn, he didn’t need to be so hard right now. You had an important day ahead, and he wasn’t going to rush this experience. He tried to calm down, but his voice betrayed him.

“You also haven’t asked me for a kiss. Although you did tell me that you wanted to fuck my voice...”

You dropped your head, embarrassed.

“Let’s not!”

He laughed, on cloud nine at your shyness with him. He’d teach you to be wanton, and have a grand time doing it.

“Frumoasă mea, you could request a kiss at any time. And I will always give you anything you ask of me. If you ask nicely of course.”

You cocked your head and Bucky bit his lip at how adorable you were.

“You want me to beg you for a kiss?”

Bucky took in the fire in your eyes and his own darkened.

“A kiss is not what I want you begging for.”

You coughed to cover a whimper as your mind went where Bucky wanted it to go. You couldn’t believe that your panties were soaked by someone you’d never even kissed.

“I just want you to know what you’re signing up for if we get physical.”

“From a kiss? It’s like that?”

You tried to be incredulous, but you believed every word that he said. You just wanted to verify.

“So let me get this straight. I kiss you, you rock my world, but I’m not ready for it?”

You’d never been so annoyed yet so turned on.

Bucky shrugged.

“Or you could be right. I’m a horrible kisser. A lousy lay. I’m just trying to stretch out the good times with you before you find that out and dump me.”

You shook your head at him, not wanting to laugh, but doing so anyway.

“...But, in order to find that out, I would have to kiss and lay with you.”

“Of course.”

“You know what…”

Bucky teasing you was the best kind of foreplay. You felt comfortable with him. And now you were intrigued.

“I can’t with you.”

“So we agree.”

“I hate you.”

“You don’t, but you’re cute when you’re angry.”

“Fuck you, James.”

“Is that a request?”

This banter was everything.

You got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen.

“I’m going get you something to drink. Do you drink tea? You seem a little thirsty.”

“As long as you drink with me. You seem a little parched yourself.”

Bucky called after you while watching your curves in your sweats as you flipped him off. He rubbed his hand on the ridge of his semi-hard dick. You were so damn hot. He concentrated on calming down while the kettle heated.

“Honey?”

“Yes, dear?”

You laughing was amazing.

You came back with a tray of herbal tea, milk, and honey and sat down again.

“I do want to talk to you about something else.”

He said it as he prepared his cup.

“Yes?” 

“I want to let you know, as much as I can, the plans for me to go legit. Can I have just a little bit of your time tonight? And then I will let you get some rest.”

Your heart melted and you smiled at him.

“Yeah. You got it.”

—-

You woke up at 3 am, Bucky’s steady heartbeat under your ear and his arms wrapped around you. You had fallen asleep after hours of talking about the future. You looked up at him and those lips were right there. 

You could just steal a kiss.

But you didn’t, just tried to ease out of his arms so you could go pee.

Bucky’s arms tightened around you and you couldn’t move. He was awake.

“What time is it?”

“A little after three.”

He let you go and sat up, looking around, then at you.

“I’m sorry, I talked your ear off and bored you to sleep.”

You shook your head. 

“I wasn’t bored. You made me feel safe.”

Bucky grinned.

“I’m glad that you feel safe with me. You are, you know.”

His morning voice was sensual heaven. You never wanted to kiss someone more in your life.

“And for your safety, I probably need to leave now.”

You wanted him; his body felt good against yours. But he was right. You chuckled and then led him to your door.

“Okay.”

At the door, Bucky turned and looked down at you. He was thoughtful.

“Do you have plans for Sunday?”

“No, why?”

“I wanted to ask you on date number three Saturday night.”

You two stared at each other for a beat before he continued.

“How do you feel about a late dinner at my place after the exhibition? Since you don’t have to get up early the next day.”

You took in his meaning, but you didn’t address it.

“Are you trying to feed me, James?”

His gaze got intense. You got wet again, realizing the double meaning. 

“You have no idea, Frumoasă.”

Holy shit. He caught it too. You gulped.

“Okay. Sounds… intriguing.”

Bucky looked like a little boy on Christmas morning.

“I’ll stop by the center around midday, then go shopping for our meal. Nico will bring you by. About 8?”

“It’s a date.”

You two grinned at each other like idiots. Then he opened your door to leave.

“James.”

“Yes, Frumoasă?”

“Can I have a kiss?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you into his arms and kissed you on the forehead. It was perfect, and a little bit like a promise.

Then he left, straight into the early morning fog, waving at Nico as he got into a sleek black sports car, blew a kiss at you, and then pulled away.

That felt like an escape from the inevitable.

To both him and to you.

——

As always, let me knowww! ❤️

Part IV Here

[3cremepie3]

#1 manger

Synopsis - You the number one manger of the NRC basketball team get into a bit of trouble with the star players. How far would you go to get back your beloved position? Ace, Jamil, Floyd x reader

Warnings - Smut 18+ ,cursing, bribery, anal, (mentions) virginity loss, (mentions of) starvation, arguing, toxicity, betrayal

A/n - This was definitely one of the nastiest fics I wrote. And it’s just gonna get worse if I do a part 2 lol!! This is not fully edited bear with the writing for now!!!

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“Shoot it, Floyd!” You screamed jumping up out of your seat. There were 3 seconds left on the clock but time felt frozen. Your team had the opportunity to win if they made this one shot. But things don’t always work out. Especially when you have a dopey bipolar teammate that wasn’t paying attention and somehow had the ball slam on his head. It’s safe to say you guys lost with flying colors.

Time unfroze and the roar of Royal Sword Academy’s team almost made you fall over. You sat back in your seat chuckling as Floyd’s mouth stayed open. You the team manager should have been checking on him. But the situation was just so funny.

The sound it made and the way he fell back like a rag doll it was just comical. You began to laugh like a hyena practically sobbing as tears fell on your face. You put your hands over your face in shame as people began to stare at you. And for a while, you sat laughing replaying the situation over and over.

Now that you thought about it the whole game itself was pretty funny. Ace almost fought a player who kept fowling him but was held back by Jamil who looked like the interaction aged him 20 years a minute. God you love managing the team it was like a free movie.

“Something funny Shrimpy”. Floyd whispered into your ear causing your head to shoot up. “God you scared me Floyd.” You said wiping tears out of your eyes. “No it’s nothing,” you smirked. “Then why did I hear you laughing at our failures the whole game?” No, it wasn’t like that I swear!” Your smile twisted awkwardly downwards trying to hide itself. “Lies make me wanna squeeze ya’ even harder you know?”

Floyd had that crazy look in his eyes so you know he meant business but still you couldn’t contain yourself. You looked down from his harsh gaze in gave into the silliness which was probably your worst mistake.“Up now,” he demanded. His large hand met your shoulder gripping it so tightly it knocked the air out of your lungs. “Ahh let go of me,” you protested. You kicked Floyd in the shin to free yourself before running away from him into the locker room.

You knew some time had passed but damn it was unusually quiet. Normally you would walk with your eyes closed to avoid seeing gross dicks and hear a bunch of bustle. But you heard nothing except the stream of a few shower heads.

Once you got out of the locker room you faced the grim reality of why everything was so quiet. Vargas sent everyone Home except for a few star players he had to chew into. You stood behind him which was your duty as the manager.

“You could’ve gotten suspended for the whole season,” Vargas seethed. “What were you thinking Ace!” Hey, he hit me first,” Ace added. “Because you talked about his damn mother.” Oh wow,” you laughed. “Is something funny Y/n,” Vargas asked. “This whole time something’s been just cracking you up huh? What type of manager laughs at her team? Huh, answer me step up and answer me.” You stepped up in front of the player's throat now suddenly dry.

“I apologize,” you spoke quietly. “What was that you were too quiet.” Vargas boomed into your ear. “I’m sorry for laughing at you guys,” you raised your voice annoyed. “That’s what I thought,” Floyd interrupted. “You act like your scrawny ass could do any better.”

“I can assure you that if I had your build I could. I wouldn’t be like you Floyd just dazing off into the sunset when we have championships at stake,” you challenged. “Shrimpy you need to watch your mouth before I watch it for you,” Floyd threatened.

“Floyd that’s enough let’s listen to her she’s our manager, Jamil sighed.” What’s that sigh for,” you huffed. “Well, you’re not exactly the best person to be in the position you’re in. You can’t even contain your composure.”

“Jamil’s right it’s embarrassing,” Ace claimed. “Embarrassing you wanna know what’s embarrassing you dumb asses is constantly defending this team. Everyday I go into class and Ace can testify this I’m always having to stick up for this team.”

“Maybe if you guys took shit seriously then I wouldn’t have to laugh, you snapped.” That’s enough out of all of you,” Vargas stomped. The entire gym went quiet down to his immense anger.

Never in your days at night raven had you seen him so angry. “Since you all can’t take shit seriously your off the team until further notice.” Wait but coach I didn’t do anything,” Jamil objected. “Me either it was all that bitches Y/n’s fault,” Floyd insisted.

“Who the fuck are you calling a bitch,” you questioned? “The only bitch made person in here,” he smirked. “God Floyd you’re so lucky I don’t have a gun!” Ladies let’s calm it down Ace,” joked.

You and Floyd looked at him like he had just slapped you. “Ace please don’t make me break up your fights again you have no self control idiot,” Jamil figured. “Who are you calling an idiot.” The four of you were to busy arguing you didn’t notice your coach leaving.

You stormed away after him while the others followed. “Vargas please I really need this job! Do you want me and Grim to starve to death?” By now tears had began to stream out of your eyes.

Vargas didn’t clear about y’all’s pleas as he drove away on his blastcycle. “Fuck now I gotta eat canned bean’s again. I thought I’d get to forget that taste forever.” By now your mascara was smeared all over your face.

“Stop crying you big baby,” Ace remarked. “I can’t. Holy fuck I’m screwed.” You held your head low not wanting to meet the eyes of the silent boys. Not having any more words to say you chose to walk home.

You didn’t even have the energy to strip out of your uniform once you got to bed. Instead you just cuddled up with Grim who slept peacefully. The next day you woke up late. All you had time to do was wash the crust and mascara off your face.

While you walked to class you told Grim avout your new finical state. Which was only enough to buy you cheap junk food for about a week. Grim was upset and offered to beat up Vargas but you told him to hold back.

You lost your position and even if you didn’t agree with your new circumstances you would figure something out. “We’ll be okay Y/n right,” Grim asked. “I hope so,” you pondered.

Two weeks later

Each day, hour , minute was passing by so slow you thought you were in a shitty velocity edit. The pit at your stomach grew larger and larger by day. Food was scarce and you fed Grim before you fed yourself. Thats what a good housewarden does.

You friends tried their best to help you bringing extra meals by whenever they could. Even though you were starving you were grateful for there help. But there was one person you would except nothing from. That person was Ace.

That asshole got you into this situation in the first place. You would take nothing from him. Which is why you rejected his offer to go to the gym.

“This is obviously some sort of harsh prank. I’m not that stupid Ace. I know for a fact they probably don’t want me to show my face there for another hundred years.” Well it’s just me Floyd and Jamil if that makes you feel any better,” Ace stated.

“No that makes me feel worse,” you winced. “Just come with me Y/n so you can get over this weird grudge you have all of a sudden.” You and him bickered the entire way there mostly about how your feelings were completely valid.

But you stopped as you got to the door. You were scared since you weren’t the only one who lost your position. What if they wanted revenge you wondered but it was too late as Ace pulled you in before him.

The gym was empty and for a minute you wanted to ask Ace what his deal was. But Floyd and Jamil both walked out the locker room. You and Ace walked up to them and your arms immediately crossed. “So what can I help you guys with,” you snarked.

The three of them stood around you in an arc. Floyd was the first to speak. “If you didn’t already know we got out positions back,” he declared. “And what’s that got to do with me,” you inquired.

“A lot so shut it Shrimpy.” Thanks to us you may get another chance. Huh what do you say do you wanna be our manger again,” he questioned. “What do you mean thanks to yall,” you asked.

“Vargas and us had a chat and he asked rather or not he should let you back on the team,” Jamil coaxed. “It’s entirely up to us to decide your fate, Ace affirmed. “Yeah we know how bad you want this job,” Jamil snickered.

“We just felt so bad when you were crying Shrimpy my heart almost broke,” Floyd frowned. “I don’t like the look the three of you have. What do you want from me?” Ace put his hand on your shoulder giving it a squeeze.

You backed away from his grasp. “Hey don’t get all scared we just want you to confirm that you want to be back on our team,” Ace sighed. “Of course I will,” you exclaimed. “I would love that actually you guys are the best.” You grabbed them all into a group hug and they hugged back.

“Okay we’ll go tell Vargas the good news after you fuck us,” Ace mumbled. “What was that?” You were still in the middle of the group hug the boys towering over you. You swore you just heard something crazy come out of his mouth but maybe his mispoke.

“He said you’ll get your position back after you fuck us.” Floyd deadpanned into your air sending shivers up your spine. You pushed them off of you only to be grabbed back in. “Don’t leave us so soon,” Jamil whined. “Yeah we really want you back in the team Shrimpy!”

“Duece told me how bad your situation really is. Don’t you need this job? Come on you don’t want Grim to starve,” he shouted. They were right and you hated to admit it. This job really was your make or break it since all other slots in campus were filled up.

“I-i can’t.” Sure you can come one we’ll make you feel good,” Jamil assured you. “Yeah you’ll be nice and full Shrimpy.” Don’t you want to feel good? Ace’s hand rolled down your back and onto your ass. The others hands went to grope you practically everywhere.

“What other choice do you have? It’s either us or halfway starve to death,” Ace reminded you. “Fuck you,” you spat. “Sweetie you were Sutton spit in his mouth,” Jamil commented. “Shrimpy come on you know better then that especially with a body like this. There’s no way you’re a virgin,” Floyd bubbled.

“She hasn’t even had her first kiss yet,” Ace told them. “What no way,” Jamil cackled. “Yup she told me and Duece during truth or dare.” We can help you with that Shrimpy.” How about losing everything to us you can even get your position back? Come on say something already!”

You were to embarrassed to speak. To humiliated to even move but still you nodded your head. “That’s a good girl,” Ace praised. You were quickly hoisted over Floyd’s shoulder and brought to a recovery room.

As you were sat on the bed you thought of the many times you helped them after injuries. This was a betrayal like no other. “Hey pretty are you here with us.” Jamil’s grabbed your jaw making you face him. Floyd was at the opposite edge of the bed watching you interaction while Ace climbed up over you.

The fact that you had no idea where this was going frightened you. “We thought it would be only fair if we all took your first kiss.” How the fuck,” you wondered. “Just open up that pretty mouth you’ll see.” Before you could get a word out you were smothered by all there tongues flowing inside your mouth.

Every ounce of air was stolen from your body as they licked everywhere their tounges could reach. It didn’t help that Jamil and Floyd’s were long and oddly practically gagging you.

You pulled away from all three of them a mixture of spit soaking your chin. You took some time to catch you breath while the others watched you. “That reaction was so damn cute were we to much for you,” Ace pointed out.

“I hope you enjoyed your first kiss Y/n,” Jamil said. You couldn’t even find the words to tell them off as of right now your mind was replaying all the possible scenarios of what could happen next.

As you dozed out hands explored your clothes unbuttoning the fabric that they recently caressed. Soon you were left in your bra and panties. You squeezed you legs shut trying to find some sort of privacy.

“I call her tits I always wanted a titjob ever I saw one in a hentai, Ace grinned.” Well I’ll take her mouth then since someone needs to shut her up,” Floyd sang. “Lucky me I get first dibs on her pussy then!”

Them talking about you like you were some piece of meat should’ve pissed you off. But instead you felt a wet patch form on your panties. “Lay back so we can do our thing Y/n,” Floyd instructed.

The rest of your clothes were pulled up from you in a frenzy. Jamil forcefully pried your legs apart revealing your twitching heat. “Fuck you’re horny already you slut,” he cooed. The three of them shifted until they were in their desired position Jamil was inbetween your legs kissing everywhere but were you needed him.

As you moaned Floyd slipped himself into your mouth. He stretched you mouth open as he thrusted in. With his size your jaw was sure to go slack. Ace lined his thick cock inbetween your tots before spitting a fat globe down as line inbetween them.

“Jamil don’t forget you have to lube up her asshole as well.” I didn’t forget you anal freak we have to be patient with her wait a minute. ” It’s her first time after all.” He gave your clit an open wet kiss that had you clenching against nothing.

His breath so close to you caused you to scoot closer to him. “Hey Shrimpy don’t forget about me. I forget you don’t know how to suck dick. Come one just do what the pornstars do!”

You tried your best to mock what you saw in porn while licking on Floyd’s thick mushroom tip. His whole cock was so sticky and you used your free hand that wasn’t holding Jamil’s head into place to grab him.

It was hard to focus on sucking him as Ace’s movements shook the entire bed. “This feels better then I thought damn your tits are so warm,” he moaned. “Been thinking of doing this to you ever since I saw you at orientation fuck.”

His cock leaked precum all over you chest further adding to the sinful sounds he made. But he wasn’t the only loud one Jamil lapped at your cunt so harshly you thought you would die. God there was so much stimulation at the same time.

You couldn’t stand it much longer and you soon came. Your body shook as you orgasmed and Ace held you down continuing his thrust. “God Shrimpy you’re so bad at this.” Floyd repositioned himself so that his knees were on either side of your head.

“All you have to do is keep your mouth open I’ll do all the work.” Floyd pushed your mouth open his fat cock now forcing itself down your airways. You gagged around him as he hit the bottom of your throat repeatedly. This along with Jamil entering his slender fingers into your cunt had your eyes rolling to the back of you head.

Floyd finally stopped thrusting in you right as Ace groaned loudly painting your chest with his thick cum. “Fuck that felt good.” He slapped his dick on your boobs drizzling out his last bit of cum onto you.

Your eyes noted that he was still semi hard as he smiled down at his creation. Jamil continued to finger your overstimulated cunt. The room was filled with the nosies. “Hey I can save us some time if I get underneath her,” Ace suggested.

“You better not try anything Ace I spent all

This time stretching her for me to break her not you,” Jamil explained. “Yeah I get that dude I was just gonna eat her other hole.” Ace lifted you up and slid his head underneath you.

Your body tensed up immediately realizing where he was about to lick. “No don’t lick there,” you shrieked. “Why anal is the best you’ll like it once you try it I promise you,” Ace claimed. “But it’s dirty,” you uttered.

“Nothing on you is dirty to me now sit on my face. Don’t be afraid to crush me either.” His hands gripped you thighs until you were sat fully on his face. Your legs remained opened and soon Jamil lined his cock up with your slit.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Floyd with a devious smile on his face. “Better open up nice and wide so you can take us all Shrimpy. Don’t you want your position back? Come on stop shivering your our #1 manger!

[hyukalyptus]

a coincidence — rockstar!yeonjun x fem!reader

cw. rockstar!yeonjun x audiencemember!reader, chubby!reader implied, fem!reader, mentions of alcohol, oral (m. receiving), sex (condoms mentioned <3), roleplaying(?), orgasm denial, lmk if there's more. notes. this is part of @napofamoon's growing pain rock band!au collaboration :D thank you @nightlyawnzz for being a beta reader :3 and thank you angie for that one line of dialogue (didn't know if you wanted to like not be tagged lol), not super well edited, smut under cut <3 wc. 2.8K

Who is that? Yeonjun’s seen hundreds—thousands—of pretty girls at his concerts. But no one’s ever truly made an impression. Every once in a while, there’d be one that barely stuck out from the crowd, but nothing ever stuck. After a while, the crowds started getting blurry. Has performing become a bit boring for him? Maybe. There wasn’t a spark anymore. No reason to perform. 

But you…you immediately caught his eye. A bright star in a sea of dull strangers—smiling, drinking, dancing to the music, having a blast. You looked fun, exciting, flirty. And he wanted—needed—to get to know you. But first, he needed to get your attention. 

He’s cool, casual with his bass; he’s a natural. The way he moves with the music, pouty lips singing under his breath along with the frontman, the stage lights sparkling in his eyes—it didn’t take much focus for him to nail every song. 

So he decided to have a bit of fun tonight. Moving a bit more, putting on a bit more of a show than usual, getting closer to the edge of the stage without being too obvious. All to get your attention. So why won’t you look at him? Just a bit closer and maybe…

Bingo. 

You’ve locked eyes and there’s that something he’s been looking for. Something he’s been looking for for a while. That spark. That reason to put on a bit of a show. 

And you could tell. You were just as into it as he was. 

Watching his every move—flirting without crossing a line, giving him seductive looks, dancing in his direction. It was fun. It was thrilling. That unspoken desire between two strangers—and one of them admires the other before they’ve even met? How scandalous, hm? The tension grew and grew until—

“Thank you everyone; good night!”

But…what do you do now? How could he find you later? Oh, why didn’t he slip the security guard his number to give to you? Where are you? No, no, no, don’t leave. 

There was nothing he could do; the lights were dim, the curtain was drawn, the crowd was spilling out the front door. You never left his mind, though. Not when he put his bass in its case, not when he zipped his hoodie up to leave, not when he plopped down on his hotel bed, never. 

Desperately trying to get you off his mind, he heads down to the hotel bar. Oh, how pathetic is this? A world-famous rock star sitting alone at a hotel’s bar sipping a whiskey feeling sorry for himself? Over what? Some girl? 

Please don’t sit there…he begs silently watching a strange figure take the seat in the bar stool next to him. Despite the need for alone time, he couldn’t help but glance over at the sound of your—

“Just a vodka soda, please.” 

Oh, shit. It’s you. What does he do? Why are his hands so sweaty? When did he turn into such a loser? Getting this worked up over a girl. He needs to get your attention again, but he doesn't want to come off too pushy. You’re here alone too and maybe you wanna keep it that way. 

Fuck it. 

He clears his throat, cooly-maybe-not-so-cooly saying, “I saw you in the audience.” Just as you planned. Well, sort of. You didn’t mean to run into him. Glancing across the room at the hotel you were staying in to see that hot bassist sitting alone at the bar was pure luck. 

But you need to keep it cool. Don’t be too…weird. Just a simple glance and gentle nod is enough. 

“Did you enjoy the show?” He asks, knowing your answer. He could see your desire just as much as you could see his, but you weren’t gonna give in just yet. You nod again, adding a quiet hum. “Are you from around here or…?” Should he move a bit closer? Sure. Should he brush your knee with his fingertips? Why not? Oh, they give you goosebumps. You don’t pull away or even flinch. You’re welcoming this. 

“No, I’m here on business. That’s why I’m, you know, at a hotel right now.”

“Right.” He pauses, like he has to think of the next thing to say, “I’m Yeonjun, by the way. But you already knew that.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“No reason,” he snarks. “Just that you bought a ticket to my show.”

“As if,” you roll your eyes. “I was bored and the show was right down the street.” Lie. All of this was lies. Of course you were a fan. Both of you knew that. 

“So you got front-row seats from a scalper then?”

Now it’s time for some fun. Turning toward him, you introduce yourself, face inching closer and closer, his hand sneaking up higher on your thigh, your heartbeat getting faster with each millimeter. You maintain your confidence best you know how, but you must admit, he’s intimidating. Is it that way he unapologetically stares at your body? The way he’s flirting with a fan after a show? The way his lips look like they’d perfectly wrap around your—

“Do you always find fans to flirt with after the show?” 

“No. Never,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “But you’re so…” he tucks some fallen hair behind your ear, eyes roaming your face, “gorgeous. I haven’t stopped thinking about you in the audience. Then boom, here you are at my hotel’s bar. Must be fate.”

“Or a coincidence.” 

Both resorting to a shrug, there’s tension in the air like you’ve never felt. It’s excruciating. He’s leaning closer to you, oh, what was he about to say?

“I saw you watching me,” he whispers right against your ear—close enough to feel his breath. Fuck, he’s good. This is gonna be fun. And you’re gonna be a brat. At least for a little. 

“I was watching all five of you,” you say, adding an annoying eye roll for good measure. 

“Nope,” he says, sitting back and smiling like he knows a secret of yours. Which he may. “Only me.” 

“So what if I was?” You narrow your eyes at him. You weren’t gonna break eye contact now. You can’t. But he doesn’t expect you to keep it. He expects you to cower and blush like everyone always does. But you don’t. And he likes that. “I’m waiting.”

“Makes me wonder what else you wanna watch me do is all.”

“Like what?” 

“I dunno,” he chuckles. “You tell me. You were the one that couldn’t stop staring at me.”

That jerk. That stupid fucking jerk. Looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes, you glance down at his lips—side note: jesus fucking christ they look delicious but that’s beside the point right now—and lean in as close as you can without touching him. Parting his own lips, he tilts his head just barely and closes his eyes. 

“Aw, you’re so cute.” You giggle. “You thought I was gonna kiss you?”

While you’re watching him retreat, defeated at his own game, he runs his fingers through his messy black hair. 

“So you think I’m cute?” 

Let’s give in now. “No.” You stand, taking a deep breath and walk behind him, sliding your hands down his chest, bending to meet his ear to whisper, “I think you’re fucking sexy.” 

Goosebumps—but this time, they’re on him. Has anyone ever done this to him before? Let’s take it one step further. You bite his ear lobe gently and he sighs, your name falling out of his lips breathlessly. 

“Hm?”

“Come upstairs with me,” he whispers. 

Another step further. Sliding your hand up the back of his neck, you grip some of his hair, tugging it harshly, his eyes widening as he hisses. 

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Will you come upstairs with me? Please.”

Turning him around in his barstool, you stand between his legs, his eyes roaming up and down your body. “I thought you’d never ask.” 

It was all a blur as he took you upstairs—heading straight for the elevator, pushing you against the wall to finally crash his lips into yours, hands roaming your body trying to decide what part of it to grab onto. The ding of the elevator snaps you out of it before stumbling down the hallway to his room. 

When he finally gets the door open and the door slams behind you, he’s gentler, like he wants to take his time with you. But you don’t. You drag him toward the bed and push him to the mattress to straddle his hips. Wrapping his hands around your waist, his hands slip under the skirt of your dress to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze. 

Lifting off him, you lift your dress over your head as he eyes your pretty white lace lingerie while he smirks to himself. Fuck, he looks hot when he bites his lip like that. And, god, you need his shirt off. Tugging at it, you rock your hips back and forth to shimmy it off while he stays laying down. Hands on bodies, breath heavy, lips on each other’s…god, this was fun. 

He flips you to your back, pressing his lips to your chest, trailing kisses over your collarbone. Pushing your face to the side to access your neck, he covers it in sloppy, wet kisses. 

Since when was your bra so uncomfortable? And since when was it such a cock blocker? With that out of the way, his lips find your nipples, sucking harshly, but licking them to soothe the stings. Tugging at the waistband of his joggers, you can’t stop begging him to fuck you. 

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he says, mimicking your tone from earlier.

“Please, Yeonjun—” you gasp at the feeling of his finger gliding over your clit slowly—slower than anyone’s ever touched you before. But it’s amazing. “Will you please fuck me?” 

“Not yet,” he whispers. Standing to pull his pants and boxers down in one motion, he looks over your body. Oh, what was he gonna do with you and everything your body has to offer? Put you on your knees so he can cum all over your full tits? Fuck you from behind so he can see your ass jiggle? Fuck you in missionary so he can see your tits and tummy jiggle while he squeezes your thighs? There’s too many options to pick from.

But before he can make the decision, you crawl over to the foot of the bed, making a big show of it before reaching for his hips. Wrapping your hands around his hips to squeeze his ass, you pull him closer, kissing the tip of his cock. You were going to be the death of him. But you haven’t even tasted him yet. Glancing up at him through your eyelashes, you finally sink down on him completely. 

And fuck do you feel good. 

Fingers fumbling through your hair as he tries to steady himself, his head falls back to let out the most beautiful moan you’ve ever heard from a man. He whispers your name. 

“What?” You look at him, your lips forming a pout while you wait for an answer. He responds with a simple eyebrow raise. “You said my name,” you say matter-of-factly. “What is it?”

“Don’t tease me.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” 

Hooking his hands behind your knees, he pulls to flip you on your back while you let out a yelp. He boxes you in with his elbows, dragging his teeth over one of your nipples while you grip his hair, back arching to meet his mouth. He covers you in kisses. You don’t think anyone’s ever kissed you this much. Nothing will ever be enough after this. 

As he makes his way down, your legs fall over his shoulders, showering your thick thighs with kisses. Using his mouth to put the smallest amount of pressure on your clit over your thong, he makes you whine and involuntarily grind against his chin, trying to relieve any tension. But he’s not giving in either. Backing away, he chuckles at you. That jerk. Why does he have to be such a jerk?

“Don’t do that to me,” you say. Eyes dark, he takes the waistband of your thong between his teeth, pulling them down slowly, letting them drag over your skin. Kneeling between your thighs, he keeps that spine-tingling eye contact as he rubs his tip over your center. That sends a jolt through your body, letting your brain finally catch up with your body. 

“Will you wear a condom?”

Nodding, he quickly rustles through his suitcase messily splayed across the floor. Ripping the condom open with his teeth, he starts to roll it down himself, which is a glorious sight. And he can tell the effect it has on you. You smirk, glancing up at his eyes—eyes that are sparkling back at you. 

“Eyes on my cock, baby.”

Fine by you. Sliding it down so slowly, you’re entranced. He knows exactly what he’s doing. 

One hand pressing on your hip, the other lining himself up with your pussy, he pushes himself inside you, your eyes rolling back and he groans in your ear. Short shallow breaths grace your skin as he thrusts fast and hard, just like you wanted. 

Bodies rocking together, he stares at your tits bouncing with his movements. Your nails start dragging down his back, but he quickly pulls out to turn you over, lifting you by your hips to bring you on all fours, your ass on full display. He spanks you, hard enough that your cheek will be pink tomorrow morning. 

Pressing on your lower back to deepen the arch, he thrusts into you again. With your face squished against the mattress, his hands dig into the fat of your hips to hold you in place. The fire in your stomach roars, legs trembling, muscles weak. He yanks you up by your hair—you were hoping he’d do that—to press your back to his chest, letting you feel how heavy he's breathing. 

“Don’t cum yet,” he says.

“Who said I was close?”

That evil laugh makes your eyes roll. “I can feel it.” Well, you can’t really argue with that. He was right. “Don’t.”

“You really like telling me what to do, huh?”

He snakes his hand in front of you to circle your clit, turning your whines to whimpers, desperately fighting the urge to let yourself go. What would happen if you did let yourself cum, though? It might be exciting to find out, hm? But being told what to do and when is just as exciting.

Grabbing his arm, your nails dig into his skin. He releases your hair, pushing you to the mattress roughly, face pressed against the mattress. Fists full of bed sheets, his hands spread across your ass, skin spilling through his fingers. 

It’s getting increasingly difficult to hold it together—the only thing letting you is knowing how good you must be making him feel if he’s making noises like that. 

“Yeonjun,” you gasp, his speed increasing. “Please.” The way he grunts tells you he’s close too, but he doesn’t plan on holding back. Pull my hair again, pull my hair again, pull my hair again, you keep thinking to yourself. And, oh, did you say that out loud? Because he pulls your hair again, finding an even deeper spot inside if you, the feeling spreading to your toes. 

“Please, Yeonjun—” you yelp. “Please let me cum.”

He groans again, your name falling out of his lips before adding, “Cum for me.”

Your loud whimpers are muffled by the pillow you’ve shoved your face into, the fire in your stomach roaring louder and louder until—

Fuck…

God, this is good. Your orgasm explodes inside you, fireworks going off in all directions, filling every nook and cranny of your body. Praising you through your orgasm, he encourages you to cum hard around him, reminding you of how good your pussy feels around his cock. 

Your body relaxes, but his doesn’t. He thrusts deeper inside of you, desperate to reach his own climax.

“Fuck—” he grunts, spanking you again. He loves seeing you jiggle like that. Reaching in front of you, he massages your tits, squeezing to get a firm grip. 

His breath hitches, his thrusts getting sloppy as he twitches inside you, groaning through his climax.

Collapsing on top of you, he catches his breath, chest rushing and falling against your back. Rolling off you to plop onto the mattress, he turns to look at your face while there’s a stillness in the air. 

“...so you’re a fan now?” 

“Haven’t I always been?”

Chuckling, his face turns to the ceiling, running his fingers through his hair, resting his arms above his head. As you make eye contact, both of you burst out laughing—

“I didn’t think you’d like the roleplaying thing as much as you did,” you giggle.

“Well, what can I say? It was hot,” he says. “Great idea, baby.” Tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear, he smiles at you, kissing your forehead. “I love bringing you on tour with us.”

“I love it too.”

[canarysage]

…make a psd look interesting?

aka, how to fuck up a psd no glue no borax. have you ever looked at your psd and gone, damn, this shit doesn’t fuck? happens to the best of us. here are easy ways to spice up your psds so you don’t end up with the editor equivalent of communion bread

for example purposes, i made a simplistic psd to test these methods on. they should work with most psds, but, as always, fuck around and find out on your own for best results <3

i. threshold + gradient map

this one is an easy way to add specific colors to your psds. step one: add a threshold layer, and adjust it your liking. typically, i set mine to somewhere between 60-40. if you’re making a psd to work on dark skintones, you may want to set it even lower, but if you’re working with, say, pjsk characters, you can go pretty high

wow flashbang. you can see on my example behind that it doesn’t work super well on irl pictures, and my pjsk images don’t have threshold at all lol. next thing you want to do is set the blending mode of your threshold layer to either multiply or darken—they’re basically the same thing

(psst, if you want to know more about blending modes, check out this post!)

waow crunchy! but still boring right? still boring. not to worry, here’s the fun part: add a gradient map layer, tap it, and go to the slidey icon on the side, which’ll bring up a page like this:

click the gradient in the middle there to edit it. once in, edit the black color to be at about 80-90%, and then change the white color to whatever you like. edit out, and tap the little square next to the text that says “reverse” which should make your gradient look more or less like this:

then change the blending mode on your gradient map to ‘screen’ which’ll axe all the black and just leave your color. now your image looks like this:

boy howdy, isn’t that fucked up! it is more interesting, but if you don’t want to be looking at that abomination, change your color in your gradient map to be darker, which’ll give you something more along the lines of:

…which is much more reasonable. this is a fun way to add color to your shadows slash lineart, and can be a quick and easy way to make a psd look less flat.

ii. noise gradient map

some of you may be thinking, but, canarysage, what the fuck is a noise gradient map? to which i reply: you’re boring. let me show you.

kinda fucked up, right? well, that’s the goal. unfortunately, there isn’t a way to directly edit a gradient map, but you can just click that little button that says ‘randomize’ a couple times until you get something you like! you can also mess with the percentages but i don’t do that because it looks weird

boy howdy, that’s weird looking. not to worry, though. once again, our best friend blending mode is going to come in handy

i typically go to soft light and set the opacity to about 20-30%, but, as with anything, feel free to mess around and do whatever you want. luminosity is also a fun setting for noise gradient maps, just make sure to crank the opacity way down for the sake of my eyes

wow, much better! you can see that the gradient map added a bit of purple coloring and a funky little texture. super cool! thank you, gradient map!

iii. channel mixer

i already have a post on channel mixer and i’m not rewriting all that so if you don’t know how channel mixer works check that shit out but the tl;dr is: ideally, all your channels should add up to 100 (including negative numbers) but that rule can be broken if it looks cool enough. capiche?

iv. color lookup

photopea has a few default color lookups that are pretty easy to use, but i have a couple of presets that i like to add if i’m feeling stuck. to make your own color lookup, open up a psd, and go to file > export color lookup

then save it and open it from your files. when you open a color lookup layer, you’ll see an arrow next to the text saying LUTs—click that and your new color lookup should be there

once you tap that, you’ll get a compressed version of your psd added to your folder. it’ll look something like this:

holy orange and blue, batman. luckily, you can apply blending modes to color lookups just like any other layer—mess around with them until it looks how you want!

waow much more reasonable! i set this one on color and about 55% opacity, but that is really dependent on what your color lookup looks like and how you want your psd to look. remember, there’s no right way to do things!

an additional note: if you want to, you can save the psd you’re working on as a color lookup instead. if it looks too simple or just isn’t turning out how you want, that’s a good way to incorporate it later :3 just follow the same steps as above!

v. no shame in starting over

if you’ve added and taken away, duplicated and removed, fucked around and found out, and your psd still isn’t how you want: it’s alright to just axe it. the edit police aren’t gonna kill you for it, i promise. if you’re worried about wanting it later, just save it as a psd and come back when your brain is refreshed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

psd-making isn’t an exact art, so, obviously, there’s no real simple solution to making it look how you want. you just have to mess with it and see what you’ve got. these are just my methods of making my psds less blagh, but, obviously, my editing is moderately more deranged than your average editor.

…so that’s how you do it.

[zainlouis]

Hi! I don't know if you already have a tutorial but would you mind sharing your gif making process? Thank you!

hiiii anon!

thank you for sending this in :) it's my first time getting a tutorial request hehe i tried to explain each step i do as best as i can.

i'll put the gif making process and tutorial under the cut bc it's image + text heavy

before starting, i'd just like to share what i use in creating gifs:

i'm on mac (i used to do them on windows... the ps steps are the same if you're using one)

i'm currently using photoshop 2022

i use 9xbuddy or video downloadhelper extension on firefox mainly for downloading videos

best quality to download for hq gifs is ideally 1080p and above. (although you can get away with 720p for smaller gif sizes)

i use mplayer-osx extended to get the screencaps/frames for my gifs (if i'm not doing the import option in photoshop)

for this tutorial, i'm using the latam highlights video from louis' ig reels to make today's gif. on to the tutorial / process!

please click the screenshots i've included below and zoom in on the texts on them to see them clearly (apologies for the quality!)

IMPORT YOUR FRAMES. once you've downloaded your video, open photoshop and click FILE > IMPORT > VIDEO FRAMES TO LAYERS

SELECT THE PART YOU WANT TO GIF. the shorter, the better because you want to keep it crisp and keep the file under 10mb when you save it after all the layers. here are the settings i use:

toggle the smaller arrows under the bar to select the parts you want to gif. once you have your frames loaded, it should show you a timeline table at the bottom and their corresponding layers on the right side. (if you can't see the timeline, go to WINDOW > click TIMELINE)

3. DELETE EXTRA LAYERS, CROP PARTS YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON, AND RESIZE.

after cropping the parts of the gifs, resize them according to the tumblr sizing to prevent your gifs from looking blurry once you upload them. you can use this size guide for your reference :) the gif's height can be any size as far as i know. go to IMAGE > IMAGE SIZE > INPUT THE SIZE. for this gif, we'll do 540 x 540

4. CHANGE GIF SPEED and CONVERT TO SMART OBJECT

once you've selected all frames

set the delay to 0.07. this is usually the natural, normal speed for gifs on here. it depends on the number of frames you have but i usually do .07 or .05 (sometimes .08 haha)

with all your timeline frames still selected, then select all the layers on the right side. go to SELECT > ALL LAYERS

then convert them to smart object so we can edit all the layers all at once. go to LAYER > SMART OBJECTS > CONVERT TO SMART OBJECT

5. SHARPEN (one of my fave parts!)

this is the basic one that most users use:

STEP 1: go to FILTER > SHARPEN > SMART SHARPEN

radius usually goes from 0.3-0.4

STEP 2: Repeat STEP 1, but this time change the settings to:

you can stop here but i like my gifs crispier and to have more texture! i use the sharpening settings from this tutorial or these sharpening action packs from user brainwasheds. i highly recommend these! i mix and match the settings when i'm not happy with how they look on my gifs. but for this gif we'll use the sharpening settings from this tutorial.

in addition to the settings from that tutorial, i also added FILTER > OTHER > HIGH PASS at 3.4 radius, then set the opacity to 60-80

then lastly add FILTER > ADD NOISE > NOISE at gaussian setting with 1.5 amount, then set opacity to 20-30

6. BRIGHTENING, COLORING, BALANCING, ADDING TEXTURE

now for the fun part!

STEP 1: BRIGHTEN UP THE GIF this is my go-to way to increase the brightness. go to LAYER > NEW ADJUSTMENT LAYER > BRIGHTNESS / CONTRAST then change its blending mode from NORMAL to SCREEN

you now have a very bright, highly saturated gif but we'll fix that lol

STEP 2: ADD CONTRAST BY FIXING THE BLACKS AND WHITES add a new adjustment layer > LEVELS

i usually play around with these. middle and black arrows add shadows and contrast while the white arrows add highlights/brightness to the gifs.

these are my settings! these are not definite bc it varies depending on what you're working on, so adjust them accordingly. next, add another adjustment layer > CURVES

i usually zoom in to locate the darkest / black area using the black dropper. then once that's done, do the same and locate the brightest/white area. this adds further contrast to your gif that wasn't done in the previous step.

STEP 3: COLORING (my fave part!!!) add a new adjustment layer > SELECTIVE COLOR this is the part where i like to neutralize the skin color when it gets too yellow or red, make the colors pop, and sometimes change them too. louis' skin was looking too red heavy, so i wanted to reduce that! i start with balancing out the skin color with REDS & YELLOWS.

these are my settings for this gif! adjust them and observe the changes it makes on the person's skin. if you know color theory, it's helpful to see how it affects the colors on your gifs. putting the arrows more on the left side, adds more 'cool' tones, whilst putting the arrows to the right side, adds more 'warm' tones.

i like to deepen the blacks on my gifs further so, go to selective color's BLACKS and on the black scale, add more to the right! for this one, i added +10

add a new SELECTIVE COLOR adjustment layer. for this one, we'll make the surrounding colors pop more!

for these settings, i made the leaves more vivid while the teal(?) wall, i adjusted them made it more blue.

next, add a new adjustment layer > COLOR BALANCE this is where you can make further adjustments on the overall colors of your gif. you can also change the color tone of your gifs here if you want to make it more 'cool' tone or 'warm' tone looking.

earlier's color theory applies here as well!

6.5. OPTIONAL STEP: ADD TEXTURE/OVERLAYS after the last step, you can save your gif as is but again, i like adding textures to my gifs so we'll add one. i use the textures/overlays that i got from here :)

i like to use film, grainy textures! add the texture you want on top of all the layers.

then change the blending mode to LIGHTEN or SCREEN. adjust the opacity to 20-40%. for this gif i used screen with 40%.

7. EXPORT AND SAVE YOUR GIF time to save your gif! click FILE > EXPORT > SAVE FOR WEB

this is my default setting for my gifs. i also tick the interlaced option sometimes.

here's the finished gif:

there you go anon! :) if you have any more questions, just lmk or you can directly dm me off-anon if you want.

i also get inspo, guides, and other tutorials over at @usergif

[transmutationisms]

can u talk a bit more about working as a bibliographer? like what does that actually entail?

so the bibliography i worked at was affiliated with the major academic professional society of my subfield, and the society sponsors the bibliography as a kind of sister publication to their journal. this means 1) we were almost exclusively grant-funded, and 2) the staff positions at the bibliography go to grad students. there are jobs in bibliography and related information sciences that are not exclusive to academics/grad students, but i can't really tell you anything about them personally; i had this job as a graduate research assistant (ie this was what i did to get my paycheck for two years instead of TAing).

anyway the purpose of a bibliography like this that's affiliated with a journal or subfield is usually to aggregate data on what's published in that journal or subfield. ours was aimed at capturing the whole subfield. so, the bulk of the staff job is to comb through recent academic publications (journal articles & books) and pull anything that's topically relevant. we add the abstract and metadata to the bibliography (meaning basically a searchable database) and then we do subject tagging. this is the most fun part because you have to think about how knowledge is categorised and what's most useful to a user and whatnot.

so like let's say i'm entering an article from the journal of the history of psychiatry. i already pulled the metadata from the online journal listing and put it through zotero, which then talks to the bibliography's back end. i do the authority control (link it with the author's other publications in our bibliography, and with some external identity profile like viaf or orcid). i link it to the journal in our database and make sure it has the right date, page numbers, etc. this article is about philippe pinel, so its main category tag is probably 'psychiatry - 19th century'. then i aim for 5–10 additional subject tags, maybe 'france, metropolitan', 'psychiatric hospitals and institutions', 'therapy and therapeutic methods', 'philosophy of medicine', 'nosology and diagnosis', 'pitié-salpetrière hospice', etc.

once this is all entered, the article is searchable by any of its metadata, by going to the author's profile in our database, or by those subject and category tags. institutions (universities, libraries, hospitals, etc) all have their own authority controls too. you can browse the database by data, by subject tag, by searching keywords, etc; it also has a few visualisation tools that show strongly associated subject tags, histograms of a person's or publisher's history of publication, etc. this all means that things are more easily discoverable than they might be, and once you've found them you can also browse related things easily, or look at some provisional info on the state of publications in the field.

because this bibliography was affiliated with a journal, we also used to publish a yearly print edition with the entries published in the last year (this was satisfying to hold but honestly way less functional than the online database version lol) and we also published a special edition of bibliographic / historiographic essays on pandemics that i worked as managing editor for. idk how common this would be at other kinds of bibliographic job positions; we used the same publisher as the sister journal, so mostly all i had to do was correspond with people and deal with typesetting. anyway once that was published we also added those articles to the bibliography itself too.

anyway super fun job tbh, like a lot of it is data entry but haggling over subject tags was honestly enjoyable if you like that kind of thing. i lost the battle to add "total institutions" as a subject tag but won when i said we needed to revamp our system for entries dealing with weight management; as a result those subject tags are now clearer and more useful, and capture scientific discourses about both 'underweight' and 'overweight'. our best tag imo was "controversies and disputes", which was like a catch-all for any time there was some kind of haterism in the literature. it kind of changed how i view knowledge categorisation (like, the process; philosophy-of) and because we spent so much time reading abstracts to tag them, we would basically have walking encyclopedic knowledge of recent publishing in the field.

some of this functionality can ofc be replicated in library catalogues or google scholar or whatever, but the real value-add is the subject tagging and the relationships between those terms; this is where the bibliography is useful both for finding things and for showing an additional layer of information about the field and publishing in it. lots of academic fields have some equivalent of this, although i will say that our database was generally better (in the sense of more data and useful detail) than others i've used; it was a well-funded project run by a very dedicated prof who's been doing this for over 20 years now, and that continuity and institutional memory is really paying off for it.

but yeah if this is generally something that interests you, like i said, this is really just one specific form of bibliographic work. definitely look into what else is out there (i dunno how much of this would require a degree like an mlis even) and see what you think :)

[prettyoddfever]

Helio's Fairfax videos of the NRWC tour

The Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour was sponsored by Helio, who had giant screens in the arenas. Helio also gave some fans a free ticket if they volunteered to hand out ads at shows. Helio's logo was on signs & posters:

Here are the Panic guys holding Helio phones:

Anyways, Helio professionally recorded the Fairfax show (and did an iffy job, but I'll come back to that tangent). The best quality video that we got was Lying Is The Most Fun, which was released on this cd/dvd at Target around the start of February 2007. Here's a recent rip (which is way better than what we used to be able to upload):

The other footage was basically used as promotional stuff for Helio. Panic's myspace bulletin in early February 2007 said that Helio "shot some live concert footage of five favorite Panic! songs with their exclusive all-access backstage pass. Check out the five music video shorts available only on myspace.com/helio." You could watch like one minute of the shorts on myspace. They were for Lying, IWSNT, Build God, The Only Difference, and BIBIYD.

Here's an example I just edited together of some shorts:

Ok let me get go off on a short rant/tangent. In my teenage opinion, Helio phones were tacky and no amount of P!ATD association was going to change that. I didn't know anyone who had one. Helio's whole gimmick was that those phones *HAD MYSPACE* as like part of them. This ad is actually an excellent summary of how stupid their phones were:

So Panic's post said that if you had a Helio phone, you could "type in PANIC (72642), hit the center flame key to select JUMP, and then download the exclusive full-length music videos to your Helio. You can’t get these anywhere else!" Please understand that this quality was not that great lol. But this is my best guess why the professionally recorded Fairfax show wasn't released on dvd... it was just meant to be an exclusive for a small number of people to keep on their ugly phones.

Here's an example of a longer video... the fan who posted this got it from Lex Halaby's site (he did other video work for FBR too):

Honestly, though, I don't love the Fairfax footage. I actually kind of hate it and agree with the criticisms I heard from many other fans back then. The audio is absolutely terrible, whatever they did to the lighting is weird, and the whole NRWC vibe gets killed. So even though I would love to see a professional NRWC recording, the Fairfax footage is not it.

[moosegbt]

Steven Universe: The Movie VHS

Here's a render of my box art draft! It's coming along pretty well, and I put some pretty neat Easter eggs in this one.

Unlike my Over the Garden Wall tape, I'm deciding to go for a partial wrap around design. The front, top, and side are all part of the same image, with the back being reserved for a scenic shot of Beach City.

I got in trouble (permanently banned, actually) for using the FBI warning logo in my art when trying to print OtGW at a print shop, so this time I'm replacing it with the age rating.

If you look closely, the number on the side is the last 4 digits of the mysterious girl's phone number from season 4 episode 6 Last One Out of Beach City.

Additionally, the bar code is the bar code for a GameCube! I thought this was fitting since Steven owns a GC and he plays it constantly. It is also just a super nostalgic console for me, and I can't be the only one who related to Steven a little extra because of his console choice.

The most difficult part of creating this physically is definitely going to be finding a pink VHS tape. I haven't been able to find the specific shade of pink that I want, but I've come pretty close with some VHS releases of Sky Dancers “The Sky’s The Limit” “On Wings Of Song.”

Unfortunately this leans more hot-pink purpleish, and looking for the exact shade is a little hard because I've got Finn the Human syndrome (just a little colour blind). Worst case scenario, I find an off-coloured (lol) tape and I treat it a little bit with bleach or something.

And now to the pan and scan part of the project:

Editing this movie is hard. Really hard. This movie has a very stylized intro credits, most of which are formatted specifically for a 16:9 screen. I'm honestly considering reverse engineering the entire opening credits and just building it from the ground up for a 4:3 aspect ratio.

As for opening ads/title cards, I'm absolutely going to put an Over the Garden Wall trailer. I might just make an MCU type deal where all my tapes reference each other. That would be funny I think.

Anyway follow for more updates or to see silly little guys I make in blender every tuesday!

[major-comet]

RvB Survey Results Video - Favorite Character Intros

Hello everyone! I know @asphodeldreams will probably be making a post of his own about it since his blog is primarily where we're hosting all of the survey stuff, but I did want to make a particular post about this here since this has been pretty much all I have done for the past couple weeks.

This video is a compilation of all of the answers we received to the question of "Most memorable character introduction?", which we received roughly 259 answers for out of the 308 people who took the survey (full disclosure for transparency, asphodel and I also took the survey and added in our own answers. those numbers are included in the 259/308. answers where someone wrote in multiple intros were split apart and counted for each character submitted. if my math in the video doesn't add up please let me know, i did my best but math and I don't get along very well.)

If you have any questions about why I made a choice I made, or have any other questions / comments / concerns, then feel free to shoot me an ask or comment on this post! I plan on trying to make a few more videos like this for some of the other questions, but with grad school starting up next month my free time is gonna be a bit more spread around, so that will probably be a slow process. This is really more of a bonus, anyways - just something to help people visualize some of the results a bit better, doesn't actually impact when we upload new batches of results. It's also a great way for me to practice my video editing skills so I can feel justified in keeping that on my resume, lol. more detailed information about how i did the tallying / editing is under the read more (what the video refers to as “the description), but I hope y'all enjoy :)

Some characters are shown with just one clip, while others may have multiple. Reasons why some have multiple include, but are not limited to; - Being initially introduced in a mini-series, and providing a main series clip in addition - Re-introductions of the character at a later point - I couldn't find one good clip to use for the video - I really just wanted to use a second clip for that character, lol

So some characters have multiple clips, and some have longer clips because I could not find a good way to cohesively edit certain scenes.

If multiple people suggested the same scene for multiple characters, then for the most part those characters are generally all just lumped in with whoever had the most votes.

When I was initially trying to get it onto YouTube, I made a few editing changes - like putting music under some Season One clips. After giving up on YouTube, I removed all the visual effects I added, but left some of the music because otherwise the scene just sounded really quiet mixed in with everything else, and I had grown rather fond of some of the music spots. Also, I did my best to kind of equalize the audio mixing, but I definitely didn't get it perfect. Shouldn't be anything too surprisingly loud, though.

This took me Way longer to make than I would care to admit, and I had a nightmare of a time trying (and failing) to get it past YouTube Content ID, but it's finally up now and ready for all to see :)

[wings-of-ink]

Hi Lunan, I was wondering about the player stats if you have time. I keep getting reckless as a go to response for things despite trying to play a more shy and timid MC and it made me curious. How do you determine what choices actions constitute which stat? I understand that the game is still in development and it may not be set in stone or other aspects of the game might be more of a priority, but I was mostly interested in picking your brain, in a general sense, if that's OK. I'm sure you're very busy so there's no rush to answer this ask, or answer it at all.

Hello, Anon!

Let's see, player stats are definitely something that will get fine-tuned as we go. And, funny that you ask, I have literally been dwelling specifically on the reckless stat this weekend.

I'll just explain how I have worked this out below. I apologize that I went a little long...I genuinely enjoy chatting about this stuff, and I gotta bit...lost in the sauce here, lol. ^_^

For the MC's personality and actions/reactions and some of their speech patterns, I have 4 main stats. These are on a scale with their opposing characteristics, so 8 total. There's a 5th stat that tracks how your MC flirts.

Reserved vs Outgoing

Gentle vs Assertive

Serious vs Playful

Reckless vs Cautious

Bold Flirting vs Shy Flirting

The MC starts with scores directly in the middle for all of these (50 on a scale of 100); however, I decided not to code for much in the way of "middle ground" behavior. This saves me tons of coding and tons of agonizing about what a middle-of-the-road response would be. So, if your MC's score is above "49" they default to the characteristic listed first, but lower than that, they default to the one listed second.

The only score that is treated differently is the one for flirting. To default to bold, the score needs to be below 40, so the character must show a fairly direct preference for boldness in this area. I did this since shyness is a fairly "safe" bet for this type of characteristic.

Number 4 does not come into play very often - yet. As things heat up, some actions that the player does not get to choose will be determined by their score in this stat. Currently, there are only a few options to choose what influences this score. It is possible to barely have any score for this stat one way or another. I'm going to be increasing the influence of this and probably adding some new ways to get points for this as I do some editing.

As for how I determine if something raises or lowers a stat in general, I try to use my best judgment to determine motivation when I design the choices that influence stats. To me, being reckless or cautious could be either intentional or not. I think the first time this stat comes into play is in Chapter 1 when MC decides if they are going to try to steal the honeycakes at the beginning. Trying to snatch one gives an increase to recklessness since it could be a naughty or impulsive decision.

I also wanted 1, 4, and 5 to be independent of one another since someone could be more outgoing but very timid when they flirt and cautious when they act. Outgoing/Reserved is another that needs some adjusting as well and will be tweaked in the future.

The others are more straightforward. If an action or speech choice is more kind/soft/mild/considerate, I label it "gentle." If it is more direct or even a bit aggressive, I label it "assertive." I kinda just have to use my own interpretation as best I can, and I know that to other people some of my options will feel flipped (occupational hazard, lol).

I have liked this system for the most part. It took a lot of working out when I got started. I was just learning so it was easily a solid week of me just hammering out what I understood and what worked. I have learned so much since then. I knew I wanted to keep things paired down to ease my own burden. Lots of stats can be so much fun in a game, but I just do not want to get too lost in it, so I keep my focus narrow.

Hope that helps, Nony! If you have follow-up questions, please feel free to let me know! ^_^

A side note, while we are on the subject...

For my next IF, I may play with a different way to set the MC personality. I may just have players pick at the beginning from either specific stats or like 4 or 5 MC archetypes. The wheels are still turning on this though, nothing is set!

[somewhereincairparavel]

congrats on 400 follower event!!

as someone whos a jason grace stan i completely approve of the theme

my request would be warrior- about jason grace experiencing tiktok for the first time :)

Pjo social media au - Jason Grace edition!

PS I made it instagram instead because I don't use tiktok! I might even make a part two of this omg this was fun. I wanted to add videos like I did in the second one (with Percy and jason dancing ) but it wasn't supported by Tumblr so i added the Pinterest links to the first and last video of the face claims of jason dancing, just pretend like he posted it and check the video links out, they're super cute and so jason coded.

blondepeterpan has posted. [following ✓]

♡ 🗨️ ➢

blondepeterpan.Trying an internet dance for the first time!!

➥Liked by pan.pipes and 3,500 others..

16 hours ago

➥badboysupreme. He's a little confused but he's got the spirit (bro don't stare into my soul like that wtf) ♥ liked by blondepeterpan

➥pan.pipes. that lil dance 🥹 ♥ liked by blondepeterpan

➥persea.seaweedbrain. I thought my phone was glitching in the beginning lmao bro I finally get why people think you are built like a roman statue ♥ liked by blondepeterpan

➥thalia.hunter. Aw look at my baby bro guys, LOOK AT HIM HES SO SOFT CUTE AND INNOCENT.

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blondepeterpan. Thalia pls. not on a public platform 😭

blondepeterpan and persea.seaweedbrain has posted

♡ 🗨️ ➢

blondepeterpan. Dancing with one of my bros! Percy, you just couldn't bear to not make me laugh huh? And @badboysupreme, before you get dramatic, yes you are still my number 1 and ily, pls join me next time.

➥Liked by wise.girl.chase, hazel.sparkles, still.handsome.as.an.elephant.zhang, and 2,400 others

➥badboysupreme. aww thanks for the mention in the caption bbg, you are so thoughtful ily ♥ liked by blondepeterpan

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➥blondepeterpan. anytime, don't ever feel replaced, bc you are always wanted, esp by me :)

➥badboysupreme. wait a sec.. did u just publically admit that you want me?? 👀

➥persea.seaweed.brain. don't get your hopes up dude, I already stole yo man lol isn't that right @blondepeterpan??

➥italian.ghost.boy. dam will and I are straighter than this wtf lmao

➥badboysupreme. cap asf bruh

➥panpipes. leo, jason has been real quiet since you asked him if you wanted him 👀

➥Italian.ghost.boy from one gay boy to another leo, I can confirm that jason is currently giggling and kicking his feet and is rethinking if he's actually straight or not after looking at your comment while simultaneously trying to convince himself that you are just a friend because he thinks you are too good for him :)

➥blonde.peter.pan. nico what the fuck.

➥persea.seweed.brain. caught in 4k LMAO

blondepeterpan. posted a story

blondepeterpan has posted. [following ✓]

♡ 🗨️ ➢

blondpeterpan. guys being a nerd isn't so bad 😔

➥Liked by slayperfectqueenreyna(spqr), and 3,999 others

slayperfectqueenreyna(spqr). Omg that wolf teeth in the end 🥺 you are always Rome's canine boy <3 ♥ liked by blondepeterpan

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➥blondepeterpan. reyna I miss u sm. I hope my sister isn't giving u a hard time in the hunters :)

➥wise.girl.chase. you're right jason, I'm a nerd and I love it. Atleast we are smart enough to keep our goofy boyfriends in check ;) ♥ liked by blondepeterpan

Replies (4)

➥blondepeterpan. real

➥blondepeterpan. wait. what boyfriend, I don't have a boyfriend.

➥blondepeterpan. Annabeth. What were you implying.

➥blondepeterpan. ANNABETH ANSWER ME PLS

[starling-song]

(photo: lyrics as printed in the first cd edition of Hurry Up Mode, 1990)

PLASTIC SYNDROME TYPE II

Lyrics: Imai Hisashi | Music: Sakurai Atsushi

Nothing to be done Burned into my memory Those tearful eyes So petty It became hard to see That reflection In dreams I can forget All of it

oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME

You’ll never Be honest, eh? Before you know it Utterly changed Now lonely Feelings hidden In lies you can forget All of it

※oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME

＊Since real feelings were forgotten Since painful thoughts were exhausting Since real feelings were forgotten Since painful thoughts were exhausting ………PLASTIC …PLASTIC …PLASTIC PLASTIC!!

※ Repeat

＊Repeat

Since real feelings were forgotten Since painful thoughts were exhausting (1986 vers. only: Since real feelings were forgotten Since painful thoughts were exhausting) Real feelings Painful thoughts

——————————————————

Dou shiyou mo naku Yakitsuite Namida gumu no wa Keihaku de Minikukunatta Sugata utsushi Yume de subete wo Wasureru sa

oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME

Sunao ni nante Narene– ze Itsu no ma ni ka ni Kawari hate Sabishikunatta Kimochi kakushi Uso de subete wo Wasureru sa

※oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME oh-PLASTIC SYNDROME

＊Honto no kimochi Wasureta kara Setsunai omoi wa Tsukareta kara Honto no kimochi Wasureta kara Setsunai omoi wa Tsukareta kara ………PLASTIC …PLASTIC …PLASTIC PLASTIC!!

※ Repeat

＊Repeat

Honto no kimochi Wasureta kara Setsunai omoi wa Tsukareta kara (1986 vers only: Honto no kimochi Wasureta kara Setsunai omoi wa Tsukareta kara) Honto no kimochi Setsunai omoi wa

--------------

T/N: Repetitions and end chorus added to the romaji and translation of this song wrt the published lyrics as seen in the photo.

Next to "utterly changed" it should really also say "(derogatory)" as the implication is the bad kind of 'changed'. I tried to convey this by putting utterly in there as it is a more negative qualifier. Personally I think it's kind of hard to tell if the speaker is talking about himself the whole time, or half himself and half, say, a nasty ex girlfriend or something. There is definitely a feeling in the second part of talking 'to' someone, but you can just as easily talk to yourself as you could someone else! Imai wrote this one so I think it could go either way. Stay tuned to the version number at the bottom of this post for me to possibly change my mind later lol.

I've seen some lyrics for this song posted online with added english lyrics at the end. That isn't present in the Hurry Up Mode cd that was published in 1990. A goal of mine is to get ahold of the To-Search EP someday, but at the very least a review of the Hurry Up Mode 1990 cd (the first time this album was published in cd format- before then it was only vinyl) in a contemporary Japanese music magazine said that it was the same as the vinyl, just basically mixed a bit better for stereo/headphones. Something I really want to do with this page is post every print of the lyrics for a song exactly in case of a situation like this. Even so, even when listening to this track from Hurry Up Mode those supposed english end lyrics are not in the song. As B-T has not posted the original To-Search EP to spotify (they may not be legally able to), it's hard to tell if the version there and the version on Hurry Up Mode are different. I'll see if I can't find it somehow.

edit: Found it! Here's a spin of the OG original version of this song from 1986's 'To-Search' EP. It is a different, older recording of this song than from Hurry Up Mode (ie the version on spotify etc) and has two extra lines of chorus- but still no english ending! The mystery continues...

--------------

Disclaimers: Please do not use my translations or photos without express permission. All photos of lyrics are mine- these are from my own collection, even if potato quality.💗

v. 1.3 (12.28.24)

[accio-victuuri]

Bunny laoshi’s 1005 birthday CPNs Part II 🎂🎉

part one is here. this covers xz studio’s birthday video and all the clownery that came with it. this day is truly for celebration and i hope all of us are gonna have a good day~

a conversation that’s kinda loud is where the first part of the video was shot, and more importantly, when. because compared to the other sections of the edit, it appears to be his personal time that was added in. and the rest, with them taking photos, those are deliberately for the birthday material.

I thought this was somewhere in IM too, but it’s actually in Beijing. It’s confirmed by the photo he shared on his weibo. The place is at Lianquan Xianggu Natural Scenic Area Tiangong Cave📍Huairou District, Beijing. There are “reviews” from people who visited and said : “Highly recommended as a great place to get close to nature. There are very few people and there are many routes to choose from. No matter what your physical level, you can play!”

So i guess it makes sense for ZZ to visit. But when was this? I’m seeing 2 speculations on when this could have been. However the common denominator is that WYB was with him in this trip. It’s a place where they will not be recognized that much and no crowds.

OPTION NUMBER 1 : September

The theory is simply lining up the date when they were both in Beijing. GG allegedly went back to Beijing on 9/23 to 9/27 for work. Since he has other commitments other than shooting the movie. If you remember, he had a couple of livestreams and shoots. His schedule lined up with WYB who had no public itinerary on 9/26-9/27. So this could be the time window when they went hiking & exploring. Maybe WYB had his camera with him too and they both took pictures.

OPTION NUMBER 2 : August

This one has more clues to it and the guess is 8/14-8-15 which is free time for both of them. 8/13 was also when the mysterious driver was spotted so there’s that. The one who restored the cake mentioned to count the number of the sheep and it should be 32. Also it’s called something like a Beijing Camping cake and the plan for it ( with photos ) was shared 8/15 since this person didn’t know it’s for XZ. However the“original” one who made the concept is from Hangzhou which I already talked about. There are also posts from other people way before this material came out that they did see XZ around that time in the area. Remember there are some parts of LOCH done in Beijing. Tho they said that the filming site was very strict and closed off.

So anyway, I really believe that this was some sort of a joint celebration for them even it’s not 1005. I mean, why would his cast mates celebrate it with him that early??? Unless they both know that the two of them will be busy in the next couple of weeks so why not celebrate it now. While we’re out here camping 🏕️

This photo too, when i first saw it i expected for the XZS bday edit to have the scene where they sang for him. BUT NO. They shared a different “birthday moment”. I’m looking at this and thinking — maybe they didn’t want to share this private moment. They are aware of how eagle eyed CPFs can put things together and notice stuff with photos, all the more in a video. I’m leaning more towards the fact that it’s private and they wanna keep this between.

We could all be wrong about this. As with all CPNs, more clues come out as the days & months go by.

Moving on….

Is this the new favorite mini fan? LOL. I mean the CQL couple fan they have will always have a special place but it’s nice to see him have some “upgrade”.

We are seeing that again! P1 and P3 are a nod to how the sunrise is seen from the space station. P2 which is from XZS video looks like it’s a nod to that too but in a different way.

The whole feel of the vlog too, some of the cuts have that “Like The Sunshine” vibe to it. It’s a common reaction from some turtles, especially if you put the lyrics side by side with some of the stills. You can easily cut the scenic shots and use LTS as the background music and it will fit.

Watching the starry sky with the wild beasts. What is your name, in the shadows. Waking up in the night, silent like me. We lit the bonfire while we chatted. Time sneaks by, falling like flower petals

I have traveled a long way, you have dreamed a long time. If we can exchange our sincere hearts, then we can get through winter. Many lonely nights drift like fallen leaves: But it always finds a way and is always new on the branches. We will meet again, like the world will go on as usual

I have a firefly for you in the palm of my hand. It's some happiness picked up along the way. What is your name, how gentle is your name. Please tell me when the night breaks. We lit the bonfire while we chatted. Time sneaks by, falling like flower petals

Tell me this doesn’t match. 🙃🙃🙃 Their works really complement each other.

I can mention some other elements in the video like the windmills again & that cut with the violin/symphonic sound that wyb just mentioned in his vogue interview. I mean, if you clown hard enough I bet you can connect everything to a candy. But the topics I’ve mentioned here are what’s mostly talked about.

-END.

P.S: I can relate to this so much. The state of turtles right now 😂😂😂

[starrzhao]

what are the odds? | k.tr

synopsis you've tried numerous attempts in confessing to taerae but somehow it always ends up turning into unfortunate accidents…misleading taerae into thinking you hate him at some poor attempts

pairing taerae x gn!reader

genre romance, fluff, humor, angst if you squint

word count 9.6k

content/tags sfw, miscommunication/misunderstanding trope, university!au setting, part-time barista!taerae

warnings I am not funny but I tried, swearing, a lotta things are unrealistic (anyways it’s fiction lol) , the y/n here is kind of a dumbass sorry (to clarify, you are not dumb at all! I’m just referring to the mc here 😭😞), low-key gave up halfway so things may be messy, will try to edit and proofread later when I have the time

featuring former boys planet trainees, kum junhyeon , park hanbin , cha woongki and seowon

taglist @leagreenly @kpoprhia @dimplewonie @shanb1n @wtfhyuck @mikaymee (kindly send an ask/dm if you’d like to be added or removed)

HOW IT ALL STARTED

One of your friends, sung hanbin had decided to host an open-mic event at his cafe for the first time. At first, you didn’t want to go because of the number of assignments you had all piled up as your horridly long to-do list was desperate for your attention. but your friend was also desperate too, begging you to come as he was afraid only a few people would bother to show up.

So being the good friend you are (and terrible procrastinator looking for an excuse to not do work), you decided to go. Your other friends, zhanghao, ricky and junhyeon also tagged along to support as well.

To your surprise, the cafe was actually really full, more and more people rolled in every hour and although you loved to socialize, your battery was draining from seeing the number of people at a high.

There were a lot of talented people who took the stage. With some pouring out their emotions with their personal spoken-word poetry, some inducing laughter with stand-up comedy and some taking the stage to sing their heart out with a touching ballad or a fun pop song.

It was a particularly entertaining night but with the number of people increasing in the cafe, it was draining and dreadful to be with a swarm of people. It wasn’t that you didn’t like to socialize, it was just suffocating to be in a large crowded cafe.

It was 1 am but the open-mic was still lively and has yet to reach its end with a quite big number of people still waiting in line to take the stage.

“I want to go home.” You yawn before comfortably resting your head on the table as you hear another poetry number.

“I gotta go I have a 7 am class tomorrow, the professor will rip my head off if I’m late again. I already told hanbin so he won’t kill me. Bye guys.” Ricky was the first one to leave from your group, bidding you guys a farewell.

Hanbin begged you guys to stay throughout the whole open mic to ensure there was going to be an audience for every performer. As the hours passed, less and less people were at the cafe.

“Thank you to everyone who came today especially to the ones who decided to stay until the end of our event. Now we know there’s still some of you who wish to perform their piece tonight but I’m afraid we have to end it after one last performance. Do not fret, there will be another open-mic event in the future! I hope to see you all stop by again. “ Hanbin relays his closing remarks for the event.

“And now, to finally wrap our event, let’s give the stage to the last but definitely not the least, kim taerae! Let’s all give it up for him.” Claps and cheers echoed through the room for the last performer. A young man walked into the stage with a guitar in his hand, he was dressed in a white denim jacket with a pair of blue jeans and his hair was styled in a little messy perm. He enters the stage and greets the crowd with a sweet smile.

“Hello everyone! I am kim taerae and to end today’s open-mic on a good note, I will be singing man in love by infinite. Hope you enjoy.” You were a little surprised at his low voice. You get up from your position and sit uptight, eager to watch the performance of the new man you found attractive. From his looks and to his speaking voice, he already seemed promising .

The moment he started singing, you melted over his vocals. His voice was quite deep yet also so sweet and soft. His voice was so captivating and everyone in the audience was in awe.

The performance was so satisfying and heartwarming to watch. He was also looking into the eyes of the members of the audience as if he was in a concert. At one point, your eyes meet and you felt your heart skip a beat as he flashed a charming bright smile as his eyes met yours for a moment.

At that moment, you felt your world stop for a moment like you have just met eye-to-eye with the love of your life. All throughout the performance, you felt as if you two were the only one there. As if taerae was pouring all those words out to you.

Soon, the song had finally come to an end and the crowd loudly claps and cheers, everyone was swooned by his heartfelt performance.

“Thank you everyone, hope you all enjoyed the night and get home safe. Take care!” He bids his farewell and everyone immediately stands up from their seats, ready to leave the event.

The next day arrived and here you were on your first day in a new class. You were sleep deprived and was trying your hardest not to fall asleep as soon as you sat down.

Everyone else chatted about whatever went on in their lives. A lot of the others already knew each other too. You were sitting in the back with no one next to you, feeling slightly out of place.

“Hey may I sit here?” A familiar low voice spoke. You get up and look at your left. Loe and behold, It was that sweet singer from yesterday.

“Yes of course.” You reply and flash a small smile.

“You’re kim taerae?”

“Oh yeah! How do you know me?

“I recognize you, you were at the open-mic last night at the cafe last night, right?”

“Ah yes that’s me!” He lightly chuckles in response.

“You were incredible last night, you were the perfect person to end the show. Your singing was amazing! It was so sweet and satisfying to hear. And then when y-I’m so sorry I think I’m rambling now.” His ears turned red from your compliment, keeping a shy smile on over the compliments you gave. You worried that you were doing too much.

“No no it’s fine! And thank you so much, I appreciate it, really.”

“ sorry I forgot to introduce myself but I’m y/n by the way. nice to meet you taerae.” You let your hand out to which he gladly shakes.

“And I’m well, as you already know haha, taerae but it’s very nice to meet you y/n. looking forward to getting to know you.” That sweet smile painted on his face as he seats himself next to you.

_________________________________

you have liked, actually no scratch that, you have been in love with taerae since the first day you met him..

After becoming seatmates on the first day and getting along, you were bound to see each other every week, and after talking to him during every class, sharing about anything and everything in your lives instead of actually paying attention to your lectures, your feelings had gotten stronger as you had gotten to know him more over the course of a few months

He was a very smart, humble and sweet person. A million words weren’t even enough to describe his personality. To top it all off, he was incredibly handsome too. He had that sweet signature smile that always brightened your day. It was hard not to fall for someone like him.

He also became a part-time employee at hanbin’s cafe, although you only every visited once a week to see hanbin, you started going everyday to see taerae.

_________________________________

“hey y/n we know that you’re down bad for mr. cutie pie over there but please pay attention to your friends.” junhyeon snaps at you from your trance after catching you once, again getting lost in your own world staring at taerae for the millionth time today.

currently, you and your friends were hanging at the cafe owned by hanbin located near your uni.

“Yeah, huh yes.” junhyeon and gunwook laugh at your reaction.

Speaking of the devil(or angel, you would think), taerae suddenly approaches your table.

“hey guys I’m clocking out now, just tell hanbin if you need anything. and y/n see you on monday!” he sends you his signature smile as he waves at your friends a farewell as he leaves the cafe.

“see you!” you were smiling so big at him, unaware of how you were smiling so big like a fool. junhyeon and gunwook giggle and whisper amongst themselves, teasing your absolutely lovesick state.

“yeah and they say they have a little crush, and they’ve been trying to hide it.” Junhyeon teases.

“Oh shut up.” You smack his arm and turn away, trying to hide your so painfully obvious blushing state.

“we are so sick of you shooting heart eyes at him for the longest time, oh god when do you plan on finally asking him out?” gunwook says.

“now that you mention it I think I’m planning on confessing to taerae soon.”

your friends dramatically gasp altogether. they certainly didn’t expect you to make a move a year after meeting him.

“You really are?”

“Yeah I was actually thinking of telling him after the open-mic tomorrow.”

“Ooooh how?” Sung hanbin chips in as he takes a seat at your table and casually sneaks a bite from zhanghao’s cheesecake sitting on the table.

“hey what the hell that’s mine, don’t think you’re so slick.” zhanghao snatches the fork from hanbin’s hand and hanbin chuckles at zhanghao’s annoyed state.

“hanbin what are you doing here aren’t you supposed to be working?” you turn to look at him and he comfortably sinks his back into the couch.

“you guys are the only ones here anyways and I’m closing the cafe in a bit. i also heard the words taerae and confess so of course I had to join in.”

“anyways moving back to the topic, how are you going to tell him” hanbin mentions once again.

“I was just planning on just simply saying it. All straight forward like hey.. I like you.”

Your friends squeal in excitement, you bury your face in your hands, embarrassed.

“I have a hunch he likes you too.” your ears turn red over what hanbin said, thinking the possibility of taerae reciprocating his feelings made you feel a little happy inside.

“Wishing you luck ” Hanbin pats your shoulder..

“Yeah like what are the odds that things could go wrong?”

RIGHT, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

_________________________________

ATTEMPT 1 : THE OPEN MIC

“thank you for attending our open mic event this month ! I truly appreciate all your support and I’m always amazed by the talented performers that take on the stage. Hope you all get home safe and sound, thank you once again and I hope to see you again in our monthly open mic event once again next month.”

“Good luck.” Hanbin whispers in your year, sending you a fighting gesture as you proceed to look for taerae.

You look around and you spot him behind the cashier, currently counting a bunch of coins in his hand.

“Hey!” You catch the boy’s attention as he looks up and immediately flashes a smile as you near him.

“Hey what’s up? Did you enjoy tonight’s open-mic?”

“Yeah I did! And like always, you did absolutely amazing.” Taerae’s face flushing red after your compliment, you always found it so adorable when he’d get so shy.

“Uh taerae, I just wanted to tell you something.”

“Go ahead. I’m listening.” He places his arm on the counter, resting his chin on his palm, ready to listen to you.

“I don’t know where to begin..so the thing is.”

You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the moment.

“I’ve been keeping on eye on a certain someone for awhile now. Well whatever I shouldn’t be beating around the bush. I like-“

“Taerae! Let’s go!” A blue haired boy comes and wraps his arm around taerae’s neck, ruffling through his hair. You presumed it was the blue-haired roommate taerae always referred to in his stories about his dorm life.

“Later hanbin! Y/n’s trying to tell me something, go on..”

“Oh I’m so sorry I was interrupting something..”

“I like hearing the stories about your roommate, I wanted to meet him.” It just slipped. Forcing yourself to lie was defenitely not something you wanted to do but you felt too awkward to continue confessing.

“That’s me! Hello I am park hanbin, taerae’s amazing roommate that you hear about in his stories.” Hanbin winks at you, and puts his hand out. You shake his hand, pretending like you eagerly wanted to get to know him.

“Oh hey! That’s cool so I always heard really interesting stories about you so I’ve been dying to meet you.” You lied.

“I hear about you too, you seem cool. Hey wanna exchange numbers?”

“Yeah that’d be cool.” You and hanbin pull out your phones and quickly exchange numbers as taerae stands awkwardly behind the counter, witnessing your interaction.

“So uh i guess we can take our leave now? Thanks for coming today y/n and see you tomorrow during class!” Taerae pats hanbin’s shoulders, lowkey pushing him to go.

“Oh of course. See you taerae!” You smile and wave as they slowly take their leave.

“Nice to meet you y/n see you around too!” Hanbin cheekily throws a heart shooting gesture at you.

That was not definitely what you wanted to do.

_________________________________

PERHAPS A LETTER WILL DO?

“I don’t know if I can directly say it to him again.” You contemplated as you drew along your sketchbook. You were currently in ricky and zhanghao’s dorm, making a sketch of taerae as the two seriously focus on finishing their plates for their art classes due the next day, them being typical art students, while ranting about your confession process for the second time.

“Then perhaps you can try saying it to him by writing it in a letter instead?” Ricky suggests as he calmly moves the brush strokes against his canvas, multitasking listening to you while painting for his final’s project in his drawing and painting class.

“Writing him a letter-okay wait ricky I think that’s a great idea, I think i can do that.” you gasp as you turn to him, enlightened by the idea that doesn’t deal with direct confrontation.

“Eh but how are you doing it? Are you going to mail it? You know it’s a hassle and the courier rates are hell here or do you plan on just handing it to him then running away like an idiot. ” Zhanghao asks and you realize you didn’t fully grasp the idea yet. Writing down your feelings through a letter was definitely easier but how were you going to execute it?

“Hyung don’t be too pessimistic, it’s not so bad of an idea.” Ricky defends.

“Okay well..aha! I’ll just give it to him in the cafe after his shift, or I’ll just ask hanbin to slip it in his bag since I’m pretty sure it’d be impossible to slip it in during class.”

“Hmm..actually yeah that’s possible..not bad of an idea.”

“I’m a genius! oh hey guys look at my drawing, what do you think?” You flaunt your poorly drawn portrait of your crush and ricky lets out a huge laugh while zhanghao sends you a mortified look.

“is that taerae?” zhanghao points to your drawing, which was quite literally obvious as you wrote his name in red at the side.

“Yeah..i tried to draw him from memory.” You scratch the back of your head, embarrassed.

“Well as a fine arts student, I can definitely say it’s a drawing. Very abstract!” You send ricky a glare and smack his arm as he lets out a laugh.

“you should be thankful I didn’t pursue arts, picasso’s definitely shitting his pants right now.” You jokingly remarked.

“But I truly can’t draw at all what the hell.”

“It’s good that you know.” Ricky jokingly insults and you shoot him a glare.

You rip that paper from the sketchbook, folding it neatly and putting it to the side.

You open a new page, taking a deep breath before writing away your feelings on the paper. But everytime you wrote, your inner perfectionist fought you, making you restart the letter multiple times.

There were multiple pieces of papers scattered around ricky’s table and you had been stressing over it for over an hour and a half before finally finding the perfect words to say.

eventually you got all worn out from using all your brain power for the past hour as you fell asleep on ricky’s desk.

“psst, y/n you need to go, it’s getting late. “ at around 8pm, zhanghao wakes you up. You were a little groggy but you made sure to stand up and grab the letter as you leave. There were way too many paper in the desk and you had only remembered seeing the paper right next to you, but there were two, you bring the one on the right, assuming it was the letter.

_________________________________

you poured your heart out into the letter and made sure each and every word you said was heartfelt and true. you were about to pack the paper and you immediately hand it to hanbin upon arriving at the cafe in the morning. nervous yet also excited about sending taerae the letter.

and so, you wait for the next day to arrive.

_________________________________

“Hey taerae check your belongings before you leave! Need to make sure you don’t leave anything in the cafe, closing up in a bit.“ hanbin yells from the stock room as he secretly grins to himself. taerae rummages through his backpack, thoroughly checking through his things.

He finds a piece of paper in the front pocket and curiously, of course he opens it. Taerae immediately held his hand to his mouth, shocked over what he saw.

…

You anxiously waited for taerae to come to class as you fiddled with your fingers, afraid of what taerae’s reaction to the letter would be.

You spot taerae coming in and he waves at you from afar. You felt a sense of relief as you see taerae still openly greeting you and going your direction to take the seat next to yours like always.

“Hey. ” Taerae sits down and all of a sudden his face was painted with a hint of worry. You mentally start panicking over what he was going to say. Is he going to reject me? Tell me to get lost? Why does he lowkey looks scared? you thought

Taerae goes to grab something from his bag and you gulp nervously. He takes out a piece of paper and passes it to you.

“Oh taerae…”

“Open it.” He says and your hands shake a little as you open up the folded piece of paper, your heart was beating fast and taerae looked down on his desk, his hands clasped together, he just looked really anxious.

You open it and your eyes widen in shock.

“Oh shit.”

“Right? Isn’t it terrifying?” He points at the paper, hesitant to look at it. It was the poorly drawn portrait of him that you made when you were at hao and ricky’s dorm.

How the hell would you mess this up? And then it hit you, you grabbed the first paper you sw at the desk, assuming what you grabbed would be the letter.

“it’s scary to me because just look at the drawing, are they trying to say something about my appearance? And my name’s in red on the bottom. I thought it was a litte gift but when you think about it, would someone really gift you something like this.” You felt an arrow shoot through your heart. Not only did he just diss your drawing skills but he quickly assumed that this drawing was sent from a secret hater?

“what if they’re just shitty at drawing, you know but they were trying to do a nice little gesture?”

“But the red name, the poor handwriting, it just really feels like a hate message.” You felt your spirit leave your body.

“I don’t know I feel like I have to be on the lookout now, I’m scared someone’s coming after me.”

“YOU SENT HIM THE DRAWING?” ricky bursts out laughing at your failed mail delivery attempt.

“No oh my god my stomach hurts so much I can’t handle it..and the fact he thinks it’s a hate message is so fucking funny.” Ricky held onto stomach from laughing so hard and you glare at him. It was certainly not helping the embarrassment your were experiencing at the moment.

“Okay stop laughing dumbass it’s not funny.”

“Oh it is, it really is..” You smack his arm to make him get a grip and ricky lets out a loud ‘Ow’.

“Now what the fuck am I gonna do! I’m doomed!”

“You can always try again, you know? Maybe next time double check what you’re going to send to make sure you don’t send the love of your life your cursed looking drawings.”

“who send what what now?” Junhyeon quickly plops a seat next to ricky.

“y/n just sent taerae a drawing of him and he..thought it was….a threat..” ricky tries to hold his laugh in between his words.

“makes sense your skills are the worse of the worse i feel like i lose ten years of my life when I see you do any sort of artwork.”

“Oh shut up! Why are you all just constantly after my ass.”

“Anyways did you actually try to confess to him by using a drawing? “ junhyeon asked, visibly confused.

“No no no! I was supposed to leave him a letter. The thing is in the morning, I went to the cafe in the morning with hao to hand hanbin the letter so he could sneak it in his bag. I think i handed him the wrong one..because I was holding on to both of the folded papers and I forgot which was which..”

“Typical y/n moment..” ricky says and you raise your fork at him.

“Yeah okay okay.” ricky raises his hands in the air to defend himself from you potentially striking at him with your fork.

“Guys what do I do..”

“Why don’t you just tell him directly?” Junhyeon asks..

“Last time, I slipped up and lied that I wanted to mee his roommate, knowing damn well I don’t care about his roommate at all.””

“So what were you actually trying to send?“

“Okay I got another idea this time!” Ricky raises his hand you furrow one of your eyebrows at him.

_________________________________

ATTEMPT 2 : LEAVING THE LETTER AT THE LECTURE ROOM

“What time did hanbin say he was gonna come?”

“Hmm in like 30 minutes. He ends his shift at around 4.” Hao tells you. This time you were meant to leave the letter on his desk. Hanbin said he left his things in the lecture room and was going back after his shift to retrieve them.

you of course also made sure to double check to prevent the same mistake from happening again, it would be too much. You were positive that this time, nothing would go wrong and taerae would finally be able to read the words you’ve been meaning to relay.

“Shit shit shit! Guys I hear footsteps, I think it’s him!” Junhyeon yelled and panic immediately seeps into you.

“What? I thought his shift ends at 4, uh whatever guys hide!”

You and hao sneak under one of the tables at the back while junhyeon stood for awhile looking left and right, trying to figure out where to hide while he hears the footsteps getting louder and louder so he just hides behind the door, facing the corner, putting his black hoodie on.

Taerae walks into the room and hums a soft tune as he casually walks on his way onto his designated seat. He finds the paper on top and tilts his head to the side, surprised upon seeing a folded paper again. He scans the whole room with his sight before proceeding to slowly flip the fold.

The door abruptly closes as it emits an eerily creaking sound that echoed across the room. Taerae looks at its direction and notices a tall figure in a black hoodie at the corner of the room. His heart began to beat at an alarmingly fast rate.

“W-who are you?” He stutters out of fear as he slowly approaches the figure. The figure freezes into place, not moving an inch from its position.

“Were you here for me?” He slowly walks over and tries to gently approach the figure, he reaches out and tugs on the person’s arm and they suddenly turn around, instantly head butting taerae before he could take a look into their face, sending taerae into a fainting spell as he collapses onto the floor.

“Junhyeon what the fuck!” You and hao quickly rush over to the now, passed out, taerae laying on the floor.

“You shithead why did you headbutt him!”

“I didn’t want him to know it was me, okay! It was also a reflex i don’t know!”

“Yeah? Are you crazy!? He’s literally unconscious right now!!”

“But he’s not dead right?” Junhyeon slowly approaches his figure placing two fingers over his neck to check if he still had his pulse, he jumps but soon breathes a sigh of relief as he feels his pulse.

“Ah! Oh thank God.”

“Ugh whatever just bring to him the clinic.” Hao quickly goes to carry his left arm and you do the same on his other one.

_________________________________

You sit beside taerae’s peaceful sleeping state, patiently waiting for him to wake up, around 30 minutes has passed and he has yet to wake up.

Hao left early since he still had other senior duties to attend to while junhyeon left out of guilt, refusing to face taerae after giving him a concussion from a headbutt he didn’t mean to cause. He loved taerae too much to face him after what happened today.

You waited by taerae’s side even taking a nap as you waited for him to wake up.

You sat by the bed, with the letter in your hand. You opened it and reread each and every word once again as you look at taerae at the same time. You let out a huge sigh. You felt hesitant once again in confessing to taerae. Perhaps being by his side was enough, right?

But the feelings would always be there and you wouldn’t want to fight it. You sit and stare at his features for awhile, finding yourself enamored by his looks.

“I don’t think you’ll ever forgive me taerae..”

“for what?” you jolted from your seat the moment you hear that deep voice. taerae slowly tries to sit himself up and he squints at you as he rubs his eyes.

“oh my god you’re finally awake.”

“What happened I was at the classroom and I just blacked out, how did you find me..” You panic a little, trying to scramble through your brain to think of a random excuse, surely you weren’t going to tell him you were there to drop a letter where you basically profess your feelings.

“Uh i just stopped by the classroom, I thought I left something in the room.”

“oh okay..did you see anyone else there? like a person with a black hoodie? I think someone hit me in the head.”

Taerae tries to recall the situation, his memory still a little foggy over what happened. He couldn’t quite remember how the person looked as everything just happened so quickly.

“Wait..what if it was the same person who sent me that drawing from before? How would they even know that I was coming back? Because the moment I entered the room, I felt this eerie atmosphere, like someone was waiting for me?” You mentally curse at yourself for pushing through this plan, how the hell were you going to tell him the truth?

“I feel like I have this sort of secret anti? I don’t know I’m kinda scared to be alone now.”

“If you don’t mind, can you walk with me home today? It’s embarrassing but i feel kinda scared to walk hom alone.” You eyes widened in shock but you quickly agree anyways. You just got an offer to spend some extra time with your crush. However a huge part of you felt guilty about what happened.

“I’m sorry I can’t I have to go somewhere. Uh I think i actually need to go right now.” You stood up and taerae looks at you softly, almost like his eyes were pleading for you to not go away.

“Okay I’ll just call your roommate to get you since I really can’t, it’s park hanbin right?”

“yeah, do you have his number? I think I left my belongings at the room I don’t have my phone right now.”

“Ah yes i do! Let me dial him.” You scroll through your contacts searching for his name, quickly dialing him.

“Hey y/n, what’s up!” Hanbin responds almost immediately, greeting you in a cheery tone.

“Hey, so taerae’s at the clinic right now, he got a concussion and sprained his ankle and he kinda can’t get to his dorm alone right now so can you come pick him up right now?”

“Alright I see..”

“Sorry it’s kinda hard to explain right now but taerae’s gonna fill you in on the details later.”

“It’s okay i know what happened, junhyeon told me..”

“Ah r-really, okay anyways just come and get him right now.” You quickly end the call hoping he doesn’t go on and run his mouth on what happened.

“just stay here and wait for hanbin I think I’ll have to go now.”

“Take care! see you in the cafe and next week!” Taerae flashes you his warm smile as he waves at you.

“You too taerae.” You smile back and take your leave..

_________________________________

ATTEMPT HONESTLY CAN’T EVEN KEEP UP ANYMORE : FIGURING IT OUT AGAIN PART SOMETHING OR MAYBE NOT

You and your friends, ricky, junhyeon, zhanghao and sung hanbin and gunwook gathered in the same cafe once again.

_________________________________

“So what’s your new plan?”

“Guys I really don’t know anymore.” You let your head hit the table, feeling so defeated at the moment after thinking about your two failed confession attempts.

“Guys what’s a foolproof way of me confessing where I don’t need to do it on the spot, or one that doesn’t have a chance of leaving him terrified him in any way.”

“Yeah he’s been taerae-fied too many times.” Junhyeon jokes. You roll your eyes at his poor attempt of making a taerae pun.

“The plans have been so terrible.” You sigh.

“Taeraeble you could say..” Ricky softly says while looking down as junhyeon giggled, trying to surpress his laugh.

“Ok I swear if you guys say another one.” You glare at the two.

“Hmm perhaps maybe.” Gunwook leads. After junhyeon blabbered to him about what happened he was also then informed of the fact that you had feelings for taerae too.

“actually never mind I don’t know I thought i was thinking for a moment but it blew away sorry.”

“Junhyeon why did you invite gunwook over too, he’s no help either.” Gunwook turns to you and fakes a loud gasp and you roll your eyes over his dramatic act.

“By the way um sorry to say this late but, taerae just quit his job here yesterday. He also said he’s transferring outside of the school.” Sung hanbin mentions.

“Yeah and he also said he’s transferring next semester, he’s actually moving out next friday.” Sung hanbin adds. Everyone else is shocked over the sudden news. Taerae leaving so suddenly was never in anyone’s bingo cards.

“No! I love taerae too much! Why am I only knowing now that my man is leaving.” Junhyeon dramatically fake cries.

“Oh shit. i just realized.”

“What?”Hao turns to you.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to see taerae much anymore, it’s our last class next week and we don’t talk much outside.”You recalled that the last day of your class with taerae was already next week because after that it would be finals then everything’s done. You weren’t sure if you were going to still be able to talk to taerae knowing how you usually only talked during class.

Maybe a part of you wished for those accidents to happen because deep inside, you were afraid about letting taerae find out about your feelings, afraid that he wouldn’t like you back and you’d lose the friendship you’ve built for a year.

_________________________________

The last monday. the last class you were going to share with taerae ever.

“Hey y/n i want to tell you something.” You look in his direction. You were already had an idea on what he was going to say.

“I’m moving out next week and I quit my part time job at hanbin's cafe. Though maybe you’ve noticed and Hanbin might’ve already told you but yeah I just wanted to tell you.”

“Oh I guess we won’t be seeing each other much anymore..” You say and his eyes widened. He waves his hands and sends you a reassuring look.

“oh we won’t be seeing each other much anymore but I promise I’ll try to keep up with you! um my roommates wanted to throw a farewell party, honestly a little dramatic haha but I wanted to invite you and you friends over. It’s going to be a small one don’t worry.”

“Sure! I’d love to come, I’ll tell my friends too.”

“The last hurrah, you know. Also just so you know,, I genuinely enjoyed getting to know you this year, you were the best person I’ve met this year. I was so happy to have known you this year and I would have totally flunked this class because I might’ve have just ended up sleeping through every lecture haha.”

“Anyways I’ll see you at the party, yeah?” He points at you with that signature smile plastered on his face once again.

“Absolutely.” You smile back.

_________________________________

“I can’t do this anymore! I’ve tried everything like EVERYTHING yet somehow everytime I can’t seem to tell him how I feel.” You cried as you took another shot of soju. Initially, you were alone at the convenience store wanting to buy alone a beer or two to let loose but here you were with almost two empty soju bottles.

“why didn’t a single thing go right..” you bury your face in your hands.

a thought pops into your head and liquid courage pushed you to now film a voicemail on your phone to taerae. now, you were quite wasted and couldn’t see shit but you still pushed yourself.

you drunkenly record yourself professing your love to him, addressing him as you. you laugh to yourself as you finished recording and finally hit the send button.

“maybe this can work ahehe.”

“Y/n?” You hear a young man call out your name. You look up and your vision was too blurry to make out the owner of the voice. it was very familiar and clear to you but you just couldn’t seem to lay a finger on who it could be.

“You!” You stood up from your seat, pointing at the unknown man with your eyes closed. He takes a step back at your sudden move, confused on what to do.

You try to open you eyes, trying to take a look but soon your vision darkens and you pass out. the night going on as a blur.

_________________________________

your eyes flitter open and you feel your head ringing, a painful reminder of what happened last night. you wake up, confused as you look around, the surroundings being all too new.

since when did i have white sheets and a clean ass bedroom?

you slap yourself, trying to figure if it was a dream or not. but it wasn’t.

soon you hear a knock on the door on the far left and taerae enters, carrying a glass of tea and painkillers on a tray.

“oh you’re awake, anyways here take these for your hangover. finish the cup of tea and if your headache feels really unbearable, take a tylenol. anyways how are you feeling?” he hands the tray to you and he sits down by you.

“Honestly woke up with a terrible headache. Is this your place?I’m so sorry..” You ask.

“Yes but don’t worry about it, I saw you pass out last night and I didn’t want to leave you there.” he says and sends a reassuring smile your way. you felt your heart skip a beat for a second.

“anyways stay as long as you need! take care of yourself and rest. if you need water or anything, just call me! okay?” he says as he proceeds to leave the room.

you feel your phone vibrate next to you and you are shocked upon what you see when you receive a notification from park hanbin.

phanbin: let’s talk about this at the dorm party ;)

well, shit.

. Taerae invited the whole friend group (since he was friends with all of you too anyways) and the other dorm mates to come over. He requested it to not be so grand since he wanted it to be a simple farewell.

It was probably the last day you were ever going to see him and it kinda killed you inside knowing not a single attempt of your confessions worked and the words you’ve been trying to relay are going to be left unspoken. Other than that, you had also discovered that you had sent a voicemail to park hanbin, perhaps leading him on. You also couldn’t bear to see taerae after your past encounter. This day, you were definitely more than nervous to come.

You, ricky, sung hanbin and zhanghao decided to go the dorm together. When you arrive, you finally meet the other dormmates taerae had always talked about in his stories.

“Hi! I’m woongki, Nice to meet you. Come in.” The brown haired boy cheerfully greeted the four of you as soon as you guys came in as he lead you guys to sit on the couch. Another taller, black-haired boy goes next to him and introduces himself.

“Hey I’m seowon! Another roommate and woongki’s roommate.”

“I see, it makes so much sense that you’re roommates, you both are very smiley haha.” you say, seeing how cheery and friendly the two are in welcoming the both of you.

In the mean time, you got to chat with woongki and seowon. Park hanbin and taerae were still getting food and drinks.

From talking to them, you were also able to catch some stories and new facts about taerae. To your surprise, they reveal how he actually goes around the dorm wearing horrendous clothing pieces, wearing the same pair of red pants almost every day like it was the only pair of pants he owned. You also then learn about how taerae used to sing a lot in church growing up. His guitar was his pride and often, he would play and sing for them if ever anyone wanted him to. He could just sing on the spot if you asked him to.

The more you heard about him, the more endearing he was to you. It certainly didn’t help with making your feelings go away or having to deal with not seeing him anymore.

“Sorry we took long but we’re here!” Park hanbin and taerae finally arrived, with all their hands full with bags filled with snacks, chicken and beer.

For the night, you guys plan to play a few games then wrap up the night with a movie marathon afterwards.

The first game you guys decided to play was uno. It was fun, a lot of oohs and a lot of cheating with some players hiding specific cards. (yeah it was on junhyeon and ricky). Taerae on the other hand, often when he lost he’d go look over your cards and coach you, and despite taerae being the first one to lose almost all the time, he managed to make you win every time.

It was followed by a game of charades. It was even more chaotic than playing uno.

Then lastly, truth or dare.

The dares were pretty mild like for example, taking their shirt off for the whole game, having to eating a tablespoon of sugar or just doing a specific dance.

And for some reason, nobody chose truth because they were just pretty lame questions like did you ever fail a test? Or did you ever have your first kiss blablabla. the dares were more entertaining.

“Oooh y/n’s the chosen one!” Everyone cheered.

“So, what’s your choice, is it a truth or a dare?”

“I’ll choose truth.”

“Alright, let me think do you like anyone in the room?” Hanbin smirks, he was definitely planning on something.

“Of course I like everyone in the room, what are you implying.” You laugh with a hint of nervousness, trying to play off the question.

“No I mean, do you like like anyone, romantically?” He states, now you were sure park hanbin might have caught on and he defended knows.

“Be honest..”

You stop and take a small gulp as everyone’s eyes were all glued onto you in anticipation.

“Yeah..” you softly say and oohs were throwed. Your friends laugh and try to act all shocked as if they didn’t know you did and who it was.

“Woah really.” Park hanbin brings one of his hands to a mouth as he nods his head, seemingly not so shocked either.

“Who?”

“Come on it’s over it’s supposed to be one question.”

“We need to know!”

“Hanbin stop..they’re obviously not comfortable sharing especially in this setting so just stop.” Taerae sternly says making the whole room go silent.

“Well moving on then! Why don’t we start the movie marathon, yeah?” Everyone stands up from the ground and proceeds to lay on the couch. And chairs laying around.

You look in taerae’s direction and he gives you a small smile.

Buzz. Your phone rang.

You look over and recieve a text from park hanbin, asking you to meet up at his bedroom to discuss something. He looks at you and directs to go up with his eyes.

You roll your eyes but you get up anyways as you go upstairs, hanbin following along.

Taerae notices the two of you sneaking upstairs. He was curious about what you two were up to.

“Aw man there’s no more popcorn.” Junhyeon complains, his voice snapping taerae from his thoughts.

“Okay what now?”

“i know about it.”

“About how you feel.”

“About what?” You furrow one of your eyebrows as hanbin takes a pause, his lips pursed as he looks at the ground.

“I know you like me.” You pause there for a moment, your brain trying to function as for this time you had misled the wrong boy into thinking that you like him.

“Oh uh about it..”

“It’s fine you don’t have to deny it but y/n I’m sorry I don’t like you in that way though but you know maybe I could give you a chance and get to know you more first?” He shyly takes a step closer to you, moving his face closer to yours.

“Uh Hanbin.” You freeze on the spot, not knowing what to do or what to say.

“It’s not- like I don-“

“It’s okay you don’t have to deny it, look I acknowledge your feelin-“ He moves his face closer to yours to look into your eyes.

All of a sudden the door next to the two of you creaks open, revealing taerae standing there with his mouth wide open.

“Sorry to interrupt you guys but uh I just wanted to say I’m going to sleep now since I’m leaving early tomorrow.” Taerae awkwardly smiles and takes his leaves. You panic, assuming he probably overheard most of the conversation which might have misled him to thinking you actually had a crush on park hanbin.

You mentally curse at yourself as you watch taerae turn his back and turn away.

“Now going back..”

You quickly shut the door, take a deep breath and take a hold of hanbin’s shoulders. Well you hd to clear it up, it’s now or never.

“I don’t like you. I don’t have any feelings for you. I am not interested at you.” You look up at him and gave him a straight face. He tilts his head, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.

“Huh?Then why did you send me that voicemail?”

“Man this is so embarrassing.”You look at the ground in shame, not wanting to open the conversation over the embarrassing voicemail.

“I accidentally sent it to you..it was meant for someone else.” You facepalm.

“I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking clearly! It was really stupid of me. I just sent it to you thinking it was..someone else plus I was drunk! I my vision was all blurry too i’m sorry.” You continued, Hanbin lets out an oh as he scratches his head, embarrassed and confused.

“Wait then who was it for?”

“About that..”

“Tell me who? Who is it?” He whines as he playfully pokes your arm, curious as to who the lucky boy may be. You certainly didn’t want to tell the boy knowing he was taerae’s best friend and he might blabber about it to him.

“Secret.”

“Awwww come on….wait..Ha! Nevermind don’t tell me I know.” Hanbin lets out a light laugh, taking a step closer to you.

“Your crush on taerae is so painfully obvious.”he whispered. You freeze on the spot. He takes a step back and continues giggling to himself.

“I mean I could feel it before but I pushed it off because I thought you liked me..but it all makes more sense now. you, see taerae at the cafe everyday, you light up when he talks to you, you always stare at him, can you also not make that obvious? And lastly I can easily sense that the way you act around him is very different from everyone else.”

“Like you are in love with him.” He crosses his arms and he knew he was right.

“Pfft no.”

“Oh yeah you are.”

“But he’s moving away anyways so it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Aw sorry about that..”

“And from what happened earlier..he probably thinks I like you.”

“I’m so sorry about that, you know what, I’ll clear it up to him-“

“No you don’t have to, he’s leaving and I don’t want to cause anything. and it’s my fault really! I was the one who carelessly sent that voicemail, I’m sorry for leading you on too. So anyways, I think I might just go leave now.” You flash hanbin a smile to reassure him before leaving. Hanbin grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“I’m also sorry about earlier too by the way, y/n. Honestly-“

“Hanbin I’m sorry for cutting you off again but honestly I think I need to go now. I just don’t want taerae to know, and I’m not sure if we’ll keep up when he leaves so I iust hope we stay as friends, so we don’t leave at an awkward note. Anyways thank you and sorry hanbin but I gotta go now.” He loosens his grip on your wrist and pats your shoulder.

“Take care.”

Here you are, in the comfort of hanbin’s care sipping on a glass of iced coffee, staring out the window. Last night, you left the party early and you weren’t able to bid taerae a proper goodbye in person.

you open your phone, and stare at you text messages with taerae, contemplating on whether you wanted to write him a long goodbye message or to simply tell him good luck and take care.

“for how long are you going to stare at your phone.” hanbin gets you from your out-of-zone state.

“hanbin, I don’t know how to say goodbye. honestly I feel miserable. I hate that he’s leaving and I wasn’t even able to tell him how I feel.” you bury your face into yoir hands. hanbin takes the seat next to you and rubs your back. the boy you loved was leaving and he never even got the chance to know how you truly felt.

as if the heavens heard your cries, you felt your phone vibrate and you received a notification of a text message from park hanbin.

phanbin: y/n go run to taerae right now. he’s leaving soon but hey, you deserve to be able to tell him how you feel properly and now may be the perfect time. I also cleared up everything that happened last night lol so dw. anyways do this text me back and go run to him NOWWW!!!!!! he’s still in front of our dorm <3

You look at hanbun and he gives you a reassuring nod as an approval.

“Go now!!!” he yells good luck to you as you proceed to rush out of the cafe, running towards the direction of his dorm. You ran and ran, your feet moving at a full speed like you were at a marathon. a rush of adrenaline filled you and this time, you were motivated than ever to tell him how you truly feel.

you were just one block away from the dorm and soon, you spot a car parked in front of the dorm with a handful of boxes outside. you proceed to go there but you couldn’t see taerae around. you’re not too late, his boxes are here so he’s somewhere.

you take a deep breath first, resting your hands on your knees first from all the running. you forgot that you weren’t an athlete and your lack of exercise was getting right back at you.

you receive another text mess from park hanbin.

park hanbin:I I’m sorry i know you’re probably sprinting right now but he’s at the convenience store so you might have to do a little more running. his dumbass forgot to buy a few things. anyways good luck y/n! you got this.” he sends you a thumbs up emoji.

you run and run again and you curse under your breath, realizing how far the convenience store is. your legs were slowly getting wobbly and you onew your lack of physical activity was bound to get you someday but you hoped it wouldn’t be right now.

you just stop running and start walking instead. as you near the store, you spot the brown-haired young man outside, sitting on a table outside with his back facing you.

you take a deep breath before tapping his shoulder. he turns around and you thank the heavens that there was no plot twist of this being a non-taerae or else you were going to absolutely throw a fit.

“hey taerae! I needed to tell you something before you go and I wanted to give you a proper goodbye in person since I wasn’t able to last night.” you say and the boy stands up, flashing you a grin as he had gimbap in his mouth. he raises his hand and you were a little confused as to what he meant by that.

“should I say what I need to say or wait for you to finish?” he swallows his food down before speaking up.

“ok sorry you can go on now.” he lightly chuckles and you laugh a little.

you take a huge gulp, taking a look at the ground before looking straight at him right in the eye. he eagerly listens, giving you a reassuring look. it’s finally happening.

“taerae I have been dying to tell you this for a long time now honestly and although I don’t think now is the perfect time, I just wanted to get this off my chest before you go cause I know I would regret it if I didn’t tell you sooner.” you take a pause and he gives you another nod, a way of telling you he was still listening.

so here it goes.

“I li-“

you were soon cut off by the sound of the door opening as a man calls out to taerae“taerae hyung! Did you kn- y/n?” you look behind you and you spot junhyeon, holding a full meal of burgers and fries and a cup of come on a tray in his hands.

“junhyeon what the hell are you doing here?”

“I was helping taerae moving out then he went here to buy things then we just decided to eat here.” he says, standing there, a little confused. he quickly scans the situation between you and then it finally hit him.

“ah I believe I interrupted something here, sorry I will just eat inside.”

the boy quickly rushes back inside.

you turn to taerae again. “anyways, sorry for the little commotion there. anyways as I was saying, taerae-junhyeon what the actual fuck sit somewhere else.” junhyeon sat in front of the window directly facing the both of you. you motion to the boy to move the other way and he rolls his eyes before taking a seat somewhere else.

“oh god I hope it’s the last of him. I swear if anything goes wrong again-“

all of the sudden, the rain decides to twist the odds and rain on your parade. you grab taerae’s hand, about to take him inside but he firmly holds onto your hand, telling you to stay.

“taerae it’s raining, you’ll get sick, we have to get in i’ll just tell you inside.”

“no tell me right here, right now. you have been wanting to tell me for a long time and I know you want to say it already.” you felt a hint of seriousness in his tone.

“are you serious?well fine It’s so weird to say it right now but okay..taerae, i..” He nods, the words starting to get hesitant to leave your mouth. you take a deep breath and you finally mustered up the courage.

“taerae I like you. no, actually I’m in love with you. It’s embarrassing but It’s true and I can’t fight it anymore. I loved getting to know you and from the moment i first laid my eyes on you and heard your sweet voice back in that open mic, I fell in love. I was so lucky to be able to get to know you more too. you are the sweetest, kindest and most wonderful person I’ve ever met. It’s okay if you don’t like me back. I just want to say that I love and appreciate every moment I got to spend with you in the past year..it was so lovely to have known you taerae.” unexpectedly he lets out a light laugh, his big signature smile painted on his face. he gently takes both of your hands in his.

“I love you too, y/n. in fact, I’ve always known.” you felt like your ears betrayed you at the last part. what does he mean he always knew?

“back at the clinic, I saw the letter next to you while you slept. it had the words ‘to taerae’ written on it so I just opened it. I read each and every word you wrote and took it to heart. I was so happy to know you felt the same..but when you woke up, you hid the letter and I iust felt that you were still not ready to tell me so I didn’t open a convo about it. hanbin told me about everything and cleared everything up, actually both hanbins did, sung and park haha.” you both laugh.

“well..what now? you’re leaving now so what will be then? we’ll barely see each other now that we’re not in the same uni.”

“actually about that, I’m still in the same uni, I’m only moving dorms..”

“what?” the whole dramatic mood you had turned upside down. you playfully smack taerae’s arm, bursting into tears. he didn’t expect to see you cry but he just laughs and brings you into a hug.

“I forgot to specify to you guys that I was not transferring schools and only dorms and that just made me realize why everyone was dramatic with everything. please don’t cry..”

“that’s really mean taerae, I was actually so upset that you were leaving so I was miserable for nothing.” your bury your face into his chest, pulling him tighter and taerae began to laugh.

he slowly lets go and cups your face, breaking into a smile and you feel the whole world brighten as you look into his eyes again. he stares at your lips and your faces inch closer together.

“may I?” he asks and you nod your head before he gently brings your face closer to his with his finger and his arms snake around your waist. you felt the whole world stop as you melt into his touch. your lips seemingly shaped for one another.

slowly, he pulls away and breaks into a huge smile.

“finally! I’ve been waiting for this one.” you hear junhyeon’s screams from inside the store and you simply roll your eyes back at him, you and taerae laughing over his reaction.

you turn to look back at taerae.

“I really love you and I’m glad you’re finally mine.” you giggle as you wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his face close enough for you noses to touch.

and finally, the odds were in your favor.

a/n and you reached the end! hope you enjoyed reading it. this has been sitting in my drafts for a month, but missing taerae and the new kcon behind drove me to finish this story! I also have a love-hate relationship with this which is why it took pretty long to write HAIAHSHSB sorry for some mistakes in the capatalization of names and grammar that I may have overlooked. But anyways feel free to leave feedback! I would love to hear your honest thoughts on this :>>>