#edit 2: just noticed the grammar and typos so i fixed them

[n0vazsq]

my dream in life is that when someone thinks of a specific person or like when someone thinks of fics about specific person, they think of ME. like yes i am the no.1 author for that person. yes i am the person who writes the most fics for them

(if you ever acknowledge this pls tell me if you think of me when you think of a specific person and who that person is pls) (idk how to word this properly pls tell me you understand)

[imaginespazzi]

Part 6: Leaps of Faith

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 7

I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling (you put your arms around me and I'm home)

(In which a writer who can see the end approaching starts building towards that ending)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst and Fluff

Words: 8.0K

TW: Swearing, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Good evening my lovelies <3. Happy Sunday and Happy Mothers day! First of all, I wanna thank y'all for being ever so patient with me. I know I've been pretty bad about updating lately and y'all have been so sweet with your asks and I really appreciate it. This fic is very close to its end. I probably could have ended it with this chapter but there's a very specific ending I want to write so this one is more of a self-indulgent filler but I think y'all will like this one. There will be one more chapter and then an epilogue of sorts. Once again, there are most likely logistical inaccuracies. I'm not even gonna lie, the editing on this one is shoddy so there are definitely grammar errors/typos. For now, ignore them and I'll go fix them later. As always, even if we're near the end, feel free let me know what you liked, what you didn't and anything you'd like to see before we get to the end. Have a wonderful week my angels <3

April 2024 

“It’s a little early for ice cream hon,” Azzi jumps at the sound of her mother’s voice, startled eyes following the direction of the noise to find Katie leaning against the kitchen door, with a raised eyebrow. 

“It’s a little early to scare the living bejesus out of me mom,” she says with a hand to her chest. 

If possible, Katie’s eyes roll even further at her daughter’s sarcastic tone as she makes her way over to the kitchen counter. She’s gotten herself a spoon and everything, ready to steal some ice cream for herself, when she notices the flavour. Next to her, Azzi stiffens. 

“You hate mint chocolate chip Az,” Katie says quietly. 

“I couldn’t find the strawberry ice cream,” Azzi defends stubbornly, her face taking on a guarded expression. 

Katie walks over to the freezer, opening it and pointing at the strawberry ice cream, Azzi’s favourite, that’s sitting in plain sight, “it’s right there.”

“Well,” Azzi splutters, “I’m trying something new,”. 

“You hate trying new things.”

“I’ve grown up I guess.”

“Azzi.”

“Mom.”

“Azzi, why are you eating ice cream you hate at 4 in the morning?” Katie finally asks in her best mom voice, sighing when she gets a mumbled response from her daughter, “in words Az, please.”

“Paige likes it,” Azzi admits slowly, and before Katie can say anything, before Azzi can dwell on what she’s said, she launches into a rant, “god knows why. Actually I know why because she’s stupid and weird and likes the dumbest shit. Who the fuck likes mint? Who the fuck likes mint and chocolate together? Gross. This shit is disgusting. It tastes all wrong. Paige is just-,” Azzi throws her hands up in the air, “she just doesn’t understand that some things don’t belong together. They can’t. They’re too different and it just- there’s a fucking balance to things you know? And she just- she doesn’t get that. It’s just- it’s not meant to be.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re eating it right now,” Katie says carefully. 

“Because I miss her,” the truth bursts out of Azzi like an erupting volcano, burning itself into every crevice of her skin, “because for some fucking reason I don’t hate the taste of mint chocolate chip. Because maybe they do go together and maybe I’ve been the stupid one this whole time.”

Since she’d stepped out of the hotel in Cleveland, all Azzi could think about was going back, saying fuck it to all the useless logic she’d come up with and going back to the only thing in her life that had ever made sense her Paige. But as it often did in that clichéd battle between head and heart, her head had won out. And she’s never questioned why her head wins so much, why she’s always chosen to listen to the practical side of her brain, until now. Until now when the urge to turn back time, to make herself stay in that hotel room, is all that’s consumed her for the last week. 

“Azzi,” Katie wraps her arms around the younger girl, “what happened with you and Paige?”

Azzi hesitates for a second and then everything’s spilling out of her lips, the good, the bad, the inbetween, all of it tumbles out like an uncontrollable waterfall. There’s something freeing about being able to say it all out loud, something freeing about the tears Azzi finally lets roll down her cheeks. She grips the edge of the counter to keep herself from keeling over, starting to feel herself crumble under the heaviness of all these stupid feelings. 

“It shouldn’t be this hard,” Azzi whispers, “we used to be so easy.”

“Oh Az,” Katie rubs a thumb against her daughter’s cheek, “you used to be kids. You’re all grown up now. It’s always harder when you’re older.”

“Well, I don’t like it. I just want to be the way we were again.”

“So why don’t you?” Katie asks like it’s the most simple solution in the world and Azzi shoots her mother an exasperated look. 

“What do you mean? How do we even do that? We can’t be just friends again. We tried. Were you not listening at all?”

“Azzi, sweetheart, you’ve never been just friends.”

“That’s not true,” it’s a futile attempt at arguing against what’s become more of a fact than an opinion in Azzi’s life. It’s a truth she’d let herself acknowledge once and then buried deep within her, scared that once unleashed, it would ruin everything. Except, it turns out, even without it, things had still turned to dust.  

“Do you remember when you came home from Minnesota that first summer with Paige? You were either moping around or you were on call with her. There was no in between. It got better eventually, the moping stopped but the calls? I think you fell asleep on facetime with her almost every night. And you were tired every morning after, you barely had time to eat before school but every time I suggested that maybe you cut back, that was never an option,” Katie smiles fondly, “it’s when I knew.”

Azzi does remember, remembers talking about everything and nothing, remembers laughing and crying, remembers when Paige’s breathing was the only lullaby that could relax her into sleeping. And she remembers battling with that voice in her head, the one convinced there’s something more, silencing it with I’d do this with anyone. But that wasn’t true then and it’s not true now because Paige has never been just anyone, never been just a friend. Because even if Azzi’s never been brave enough to say it out loud, Paige is and has always been everything.

Despite knowing the answer and maybe dreading it just a little bit, Azzi asks it to her mom anyway, “what did you know?”

“That she was your person. You were too young, I couldn’t call it love just yet but I knew Paige was different then, she was yours in a way none of your other friends were. You were different around her,” Katie nudges her daughter, “Azzi you’ve always been just a little bit in love with her and she’s always been just a little bit in love with you too. The two of you have just been a matter of time.”

Azzi closes her eyes, and unlike other people, she doesn’t see darkness or little spots of light, she just sees Paige. Her mother’s words wash over her, like acid in her self-inflicted fight the feelings wounds and yet, the idea of she’s loved me too feels like a band-aid being delicately placed on the scars of her heart. 

“And place,” she whispers, eyes still closed, “we never seem to get time and place right.”

“Why do you need to?”

Another exasperated look is sent Katie’s way at that question, “we live on different sides of the country mom, what do you mean why do we need to?”

“I mean the two of you have barely ever been in the same place. But you made it work, when you had even less, when you felt even less. But you’re adults now. You have other resources now. And I know timing is difficult but- it’s you and Paige. What are you so scared of Azzi?”

Azzi sucks in a deep breath, “what if Paige runs away again?”

“What if you run away again?”

“Excuse me?” 

“Who was the last person to walk away, Azzi?,” Katie sighs when Azzi is adamantly silent, “I know she hurt you by leaving. I know she hurt you by pushing you away. But you did the same thing. You chose UCLA,” Katie holds up a hand when a frustrated Azzi tries to interrupt, “and it was the right decision for you Azzi and she should have supported it. But that doesn’t meant you didn’t hurt her and then you chose Zoe-”

“I didn’t choose Zoe-”

“Yes you did Azzi. Sweetheart you’re my daughter and I will always tell you the complete truth even if it’s not what you wanna hear. And the truth Azzi is that Paige might have hurt you in 101 different ways but that doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her back in 99 different ways too.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Azzi whispers, “that’s the problem mom. It hurts when she hurts me but it hurts even more when I hurt her. I don’t want that for us but I just- I just don’t know how to stop it without stopping us.”

“You haven’t even tried, baby. Paige held out a hand and you ran away.”

“She left first. How am I supposed to trust that she won’t just do that again," all that’s missing from Azzi’s stubborn whine is a foot stomp.

“Because she came back. It took her a little bit, I know, but she came back and she’s ready to fight, the question is, are you?”

“Why are you defending her?” Azzi splutters, “who’s side are you even on?”

“There are no sides to this sweetheart. The two of you are on the same side. So maybe instead of fighting against her, take that hand, fight with her.”

***

The WNBA draft is a momentous occasion this year. With a hyped draft class like no other, and the promise of even greater ones in the future, there’s a sense of celebratory hope dangling in the air. When the invite had first come in, Azzi had known the same one would be sent to a certain blonde in Connecticut as well. And a part of her had wanted to hide herself away from that possible collision, but every other part of her wanted nothing more than to get just a glimpse of the blonde.

One moment Azzi is surrounded by flashing cameras and the echo of her name on everyone’s lips, the next everything around her is fading away her eyes meet Paige’s on the other end of the WNBA draft orange carpet. It’s nothing new really. Since she’s met her, the blonde has commandeered all of Azzi’s attention whenever she’s nearby. Sometimes it feels like all of her other five senses fade away to give birth to a secret sixth one, one that’s solely dedicated to Paige, one that’s terrifyingly all-consuming. And yet, despite the heaviness of we’ve said too many goodbyes, for the first time in what feels like eternity, Azzi feels like she can finally breathe. 

And then Paige looks away. 

And Azzi’s back to struggling for air. 

It’s selfish of her, she knows, to expect something, not when she’d been the one to leave them stranded on different islands. But Azzi doesn’t seem to think logically when it comes to Paige and even as she tries to turn her focus back to posing for the camera, every inch of her body is dangerously aware of the blonde’s every move, just a mere few feet away from her. Her conversation with her mother is echoing in her head, giving rise to dangerous desires of what if i grabbed your hand and we ran away together. 

Paige is a natural on the orange carpet, all dazzling smiles and twinkling eyes. She glides through it, inching closer and closer to Azzi, but never giving away any sense of discomfort. And if it was anybody else, maybe they’d never catch onto the nerves hidden beneath Paige’s facade of calm, cool and collected. But once upon a time Paige used to be Azzi’s favourite puzzle and she has every part of the blonde committed to memory. It’s in the way Paige’s teeth gnaw at her lips for the briefest of seconds, in the way her right index finger is begging to tap a beat against where her hands rests on hips, in the way she’s blinking just one too many times. 

And then with one more heavy footed step from Paige, the distance between them is barely a couple inches and they let out identical breaths of air, both of them keeping their focus on the cameras in front of them. It’s loud, too loud, and still all Azzi can focus on is the sound of Paige breathing. The air around them is thick with tension. It feels a bit like they’re silhouetted against a sky made of words they’ve left unsaid and clouds of all the bitter mistakes they’ve made are hanging over their heads. And when their pinkies brush together, and a jolt of electricity sends shivers of I miss you more every day again her skin, Azzi questions if she’s ever made the right decision when it comes to Paige. 

“Wait wait wait,” Ari cuts in, as she squeezes herself in between the two of them, “I wanna get in between the two of you.”

A harsh cry of no sits heavily on the top of Azzi’s tongue as the older woman forces a break in whatever little bit of contact she’d had with Paige. She feels a little pathetic, the way every little inch of her skin is craving for that touch back. It had been nothing, a barely there moment and still Azzi thinks, when she goes to bed tonight, if that was all she’d get of Paige, then it’ll be the only thing that’ll feature in her dreams. 

“Alright one with just Paige and Azzi,” Ari directs the media, stepping out of the way and pushing the two younger girls together. And it’s laughable that a little brush of their pinkies had Azzi feeling any type of way because when they’re suddenly pressed together, every inch of Paige’s side fitting into Azzi’s like it belongs, the way the world suddenly bursts with light and colours makes Azzi wonder if every moment without Paige has simply been monochrome. 

It comes to them naturally how to pose together, arms winding around each other’s waist, heads involuntarily leaning against the other’s. And the smiles might be for the cameras but Azzi knows hers is the most real it’s been all night. It might be temporary, she might lose Paige in the chaos, but for now Paige is here and Azzi has learned how to be content with whatever little she can get. 

As the media moves to capture other people, the logical thing to do would be to separate, to let go of each other. But instead they stand there, still completely wrapped around each other, heart rates in sync as they breathe in each other’s presence. And then Paige’s hand falls from the small of Azzi’s back to tangle their fingers together and they let out identical sighs of relief, something so cathartic in the purposefulness of that touch. Everyone is too busy to notice that the two of them have fallen into a whole other world, one where there’s only two of them and every emotion that they’ve only reserved for the other. There’s no words exchanged as Paige guides the two of them out of the spotlight, somehow keeping their hands clasped together in secret, despite the ever growing crowd. And Azzi doesn’t know this building at all, doesn’t have the faintest clue where she’s being led to, but as long as it’s Paige pulling her along, she doesn’t care where, she thinks she’d go anywhere. 

Paige stops abruptly in a secluded corridor, turning to fully face Azzi. And the sincerity in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes, as they roam every inch of Azzi’s body before coming to fixate on her face, steals the air away from Azzi’s lungs. Paige has gotten better over the years at building walls, but with every new lock she places on her emotions, there’s a key to open them that seems to always find its way to Azzi. In the delicate golden hue, Paige shines brighter than any star ever could and in the dim light Azzi can make out every bit of hurt and love and please can we just have this moment that Paige can’t put into words. 

“Hi,” Azzi whispers softly, hands itching to reach out and caress Paige’s skin. 

“Hi,” Paige says back, even quieter. She stares at Azzi as if she’s memorising every little detail and then her face crumbles. Azzi feels her heart drop at the single tear that trickles down Paige’s cheek as she lets out a broken whimper. And this, this unspoken power they seem to have over each other, the uncanny ability to just hurt each other without any bit of effort, is what scares Azzi the most. It’s too much. They shouldn’t be able to do this. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s fingers twitch but she hesitates, not knowing if it’s the right thing, “fuck- P what’s wrong?”

Paige doesn’t reply, eyes wandering down to where Azzi’s trying to keep her hands still against her sides and when she looks back up, her eyes are bloodshot, “what’s wrong? What’s not wrong Azzi? You won’t even fucking touch me.”

“I didn’t-” Azzi struggles to speak, “I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

“Can you just- fuck- can you just stop overthinking things for once in your life. Of course I want you to touch- you know what nevermind. This was a bad idea. You made yourself clear and I’m just- fuck- I should- I should just go.”

She sounds adamant enough but all it takes, when Paige moves to leave, is the strangled cry that leaves Azzi’s lips. The sound is enough to pull Paige right back in. She takes one look at the tears brimming in Azzi’s eyes. And then she’s pushing Azzi against a wall, hands on either side caging the younger girl between her body and the hard surface behind. She presses their foreheads together and Azzi feels like every part of her might just be a part of Paige too. 

“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. It’s barely been two weeks and I- fuck- Azzi- I’ve missed you every single second and now you’re here and I still miss you. And it really fucking hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Azzi whispers, finally letting her hands cup Paige’s cheeks, and it’s worth it for the way Paige seems to completely melt into her touch, “I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I keep thinking I’m doing the right thing but- I don’t know- I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing when it comes to you. I don’t- I don’t know what to do.”

“Just let me be with you,” Paige’s voice is wrecked with desperation as she presses herself as close to Azzi as possible, “I’ll be your whatever- whatever you give me- whatever you want- I just- I just want you Az- whatever little bit you’re willing to give me- I’ll take it- and if you want me to wait- fuck Azzi- I’d wait forever- you know that right? However long it takes, baby. Just want you- just want us.”

Leaps of faith are scary. Azzi’s never been great at taking them, too cautious, too much of a worrier. She’s more of a step back from the cliff kind of person. If she doesn’t jump, she can’t fall. But here’s the thing, when she was fourteen, Azzi jumped off of her first hypothetical cliff. It had been on a plane, when after avoiding one too many deep questions, Azzi had admitted to a girl she barely knew,that maybe she could like girls. It was the first time she’d ever let herself acknowledge that truth about herself and the girl next to her was a stranger but there was something about her, something that screamed i’ll hold your hand and if you jump it’ll never be alone. And ever since then, that girl, Paige, has always been there. Hands outstretched, ready to jump off any ledge. Because if there’s hard ground underneath, then they’ll learn how to fly together and if there’s water, they’ll figure out how to swim. With Paige there has always been the promise that, whatever it is, they’ll figure it out together. And it’s with that promise in mind, that Azzi takes the leap of faith. 

“Me too,” Azzi whispers, heart beating erratically. 

“What?” Paige searches Azzi’s face, as if waiting for her to take it back. 

“Us. You. You and me. I want that too,” a ghost of a smile begins to creep onto Azzi’s face, and for the first time in god knows how long, she feels feather light, a little bit like she’s floating on a rainbow. 

“You mean it?” Paige asks earnestly, hands moving from the wall to clutch at Azzi’s waist, “don’t play-Azzi- okay- you mean it for real?”

“I do. I want this- I want this so much and I’m still- I’m still really scared and maybe it’ll be a disaster but I- I want to try. With you.”

Azzi used to think she knew all of Paige’s smiles. Her small, not quite fake, but only for cameras and people she didn’t quite know, smiles. Her just for my friends smile that was filled with mirth and childlike joy. Her basketball smile that transformed into a smirk when she got too cocky. Her only for Drew smile, soft and filled with so much adoration and pride. Her Azzi smile, the one only the brown-skinned girl gets to experience, a smile that made Azzi’s her heart swell with love. But the smile that stretches across Paige’s face now, is one Azzi’s never seen before. This one throws Azzi’s entire world of balance, so bright, so big, so full of emotions. If she could, she’d tattoo that smile onto her skin forever. 

“We’re really doing this?” Paige asks, still a little stunned. It wasn’t what Azzi had planned for tonight. She hadn’t really had any plans for what would really happen. But then Paige had walked in and all Azzi could see was forever she was tired of fighting against. 

“We should take it slow okay-” Azzi wraps her arms around the older girl’s neck, keeping their foreheads still against each other’s, “I don’t- I don’t wanna rush into things and fuck it up. I can’t- fuck- I can’t lose y-”

“You won’t,” Paige swears, squeezing at Azzi’s wait, “I won’t let you. We can take it slow. We can take it however you want- I just- we’re doing this?”

“Yeah,” Azzi can’t help the grin that fills up her entire face, “yeah we’re doing this.”

And as they surge forward to claim each other’s lips, and as they meld every inch of themselves into each other, and as they smile and cry into the kiss simultaneously, and as they etch promises into each other skin, and as they let themselves finally fall into each other, for each other, it feels a lot like coming home. 

***

July 2024 

The early morning sunlight casts a dark shadow across Paige’s face, causing the still asleep blonde to scrunch up her face in irritation. Azzi, who’s been awake for nearly half an hour now, can’t help the fond smile that creeps onto her own lips. She shifts herself to block the sun and Paige lets out a content sigh, burrowing herself further into her pillows. And the thing is every moment with Paige is special but there’s something about waking up to her in the morning. Azzi’s always awake first and it gives her ample time to just admire the girl in her arms, blond hair tousled all over her pillow, lips parted slightly open, and one arm always, always, splayed across Azzi’s torso, holding her close. Over the course of time, Azzi’s found out that the second she moves, Paige seems to feel her leave, waking up instantly. 

There had been an adjustment period if Azzi's honest. It had taken her a while to shake that fear of Paige not being there in the morning. The first morning, she’d been scared to open her eyes, even if she could feel Paige’s presence right next to her. That had been one of the few mornings that Paige was fully awake first, hovering above Azzi to wake her up. And when she finally did get the courage to open her eyes, the first thing Azzi had seen was Paige, blue eyes sparkling with unfiltered adoration, a smile filled with promises of every morning just like this. And that had been enough. 

Azzi reaches out to brush a hand through Paige’s soft blond hair, mesmerised by how pretty Paige looks in the morning glow. A lot of Paige belongs to the world now and Azzi’s not opposed to sharing really, because someone so fucking perfect, deserves to be celebrated like that. But there are some parts of Paige that belong to Azzi and Azzi only, some parts Azzi cherishes as being only hers. This is one of them and Azzi takes a snapshot of it, knowing she’ll need it to function in a few months, when she won’t get the real thing. 

“Are you watching Paige sleep?” Azzi almost jumps at the sound of Drew’s voice at the doorway, having been too immersed in Paige to have even heard the door open, “that’s kinda creepy Azzi.”

“Jesus Drew, whatever happened to knocking?”

“I forgot?” Drew grins, before he plops on the bed, the force of it making the whole frame shake a little bit. 

“Drew!” Azzi chides, “you’re gonna wake her up.”

Drew cocks his eyebrows, sparing his sister, who seems unphased by the sudden little bit of chaos around her, still fast asleep, an unimpressive look, “please she can sleep through anything. Besides, it’s already 9. I thought we were gonna do things. I been up for aaaages.”

“She’ll be awake soon,” Azzi smiles, ruffling the younger boy's hair. Drew rolls his eyes and it’s remarkable how much he resembles Paige, not just by face, but the mannerisms too. 

He huffs for a second before his eyes sparkle with an idea, “what if we pour water on her!”

“Drew!” Azzi chastises again, trying not to giggle. 

“Boo,” Drew crosses his arms across his chest, “you used to be so cool Azzi.”

Azzi laughs as she’s reminded of a younger version of herself, scheming with Drew on how to wake Paige up. And it’s not that she’s beyond that really, tucking the water idea for a rainy day, but Paige looks too peaceful this morning and she wants to preserve that look of serenity on the older girl’s face for just a little bit longer. 

“Hey Azzi,” Drew says after a while and Azzi hums in response, “when you and Paige get married, I can still be a groomsman right? Even if there’s no grooms?”

“Wha- where did that come from?” the brunette’s eyes widened at the question, sitting up a little straighter. 

Drew peers up at her with all the innocence of a pre-teen, “you are gonna get married right?”

“I don’t-”

“It’s too early for your yapping Drew,” Azzi’s saved from answering by Paige’s tired voice entering the conversation. She looks over to find Paige’s eyes already on her, a soft smile playing on her lips as she looks up at Azzi. If Drew wasn’t sitting right there, Azzi would lean over and kiss her and let Paige deepen it until they were both satisfied. 

“Oh thank god,” Drew cheers dramatically, “I thought you were gonna sleep forever.”

Paige scoffs, the arm that’s still wrapped around Azzi’s torso tightening its hold, “I wish.”

“Well you’re awake now so get up,” Drew whines, moving from his spot on the end of the bed, to flop on top of Paige’s body instead, “get up, get up, GET UP.”

“Get off,” Paige groans but there’s no real force behind it. Azzi watches with a fond smile, as Paige flips Drew over so that she can tickle him, eliciting rounds of laughter from the younger boy. Something in her heart flutters, her mind going back to Drew’s question. She’s never really been one to think too hard about marriage and children and that domestic suburban life, leaving it up to fate, but now- well, maybe. 

“Okay aight aight enough. Go get ready for breakfast and we’ll be down in a second,” Paige says, ushering Drew off of the bed. 

“You can just tell me you want me to leave so you can kiss Azzi you know?” Drew scrunches up his nose, “you two are gross.”

Paige sends him a stern look and gets a dramatic eye roll in return but as he always does, Drew does as he’s told, mock saluting the two of them and skipping out of the room. 

“He’s right by the way,” Paige says softly, turning back to where Azzi’s leaning against the backboard, “I do want to kiss you.”

Azzi smirks lopsidedly, “what’s stopping you?”

She squeals in surprise when Paige pulls her, the force of it causing both of them to tumble onto the front-end of the bed. Azzi ends up on top of Paige, hands resting around her neck, the blonde’s hands holding her waist in place. 

“Good morning,” Paige grins, clearly proud of herself as she chases Azzi’s lips to pull her into a searing kiss.

“Good morning,” Azzi whispers back, thumb caressing Paige’s left cheek.  

“Just so you know,” Paige pulls away, a determined glint in her eyes, “we’re so getting married one day.”

***

October 2024

Azzi’s mood has been rancid for the last couple of weeks. It’s terrible she knows; it makes her irritating to play with and a nightmare to live with. But even if this had been expected, that she would be on one end of the country and her heart would be on the other side, it doesn’t stop her from constantly being in a state of missing Paige. And it’s different from before, now that there’s a certain surety of of course i’ll see you soon but soon never really feels soon enough. 

“Azzi can you please get the door,” Kiki calls from her room when the doorbell rings. 

“I’m busy,” Azzi grunts back, snuggling further into her pillow with a book she isn’t actually reading, “you go get it.”

“Azzi please, I’m literally in the middle of getting dressed,” Kiki yells exasperatedly. 

If it wasn’t for the fact that she’s pretty sure her teammates are about this close to plotting her murder, and deservedly so, Azzi would sink back onto her bed and let the incessant doorbell noise continue. But she does love her teammates, thinks Kiki probably deserves to change in peace, and it forces her out of bed, grumbling away about annoying visitors. Until she actually gets a look at the visitor. Paige stands on the doorstep, confident as ever, a bouquet of roses and peonies and lilies in her hand. 

“You’re here,” Azzi breathes out, staring in awe. 

“And thank fucking god she is,” Kiki quips from behind her, “maybe we can finally get our old happy Azzi back and not this bitch.”

Paige laughs, “watch how you talk about my girl Rice.”

“You’re here. You’re really here,” Azzi whispers again. 

“I heard you missed me baby,” Paige says, her cocky smirk betrayed by the softness in her voice. And then Azzi is flying into her arms, throwing Paige off balance. 

“So fucking much,” Azzi admits into Paige’s neck, eliciting a giggle from the blonde, “Kiki’s right. I have been a bitch.”

“Just a little bit,” Kiki calls out again but there’s a new fondness in her voice. It’s funny how her team, even the haters, have slowly become Paige fans. They’d been hesitant at first, just like the UConn girls, but now well, it seems the basketball world’s Montagues and Capulets have learned to accept their star players’ relationship. 

“Missed you too Az,” Paige’s tone is vulnerable as they break away, “alright, go get changed, I wanna take you somewhere.”

“Or…,” Azzi presses her lips to Paige’s neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, “we could stay here and do something else.”

Paige shivers under her touch, stepping away to keep some semblance of control “n-no I have plans,” but she can’t help but kiss Azzi’s pout away, “it’ll be worth it, I promise. Besides,” she bites at Azzi’s ear, “there’s always later.”

***

“Your big plans are to bring me to the supermarket,” Azzi cocks an eyebrow as they walk down one of the many aisles, “you turned down sex for this? Should I be offended?”

Paige doesn’t say anything, concentratedly looking at signs, trying to figure out a specific section, before an aha! moment dances over her face, and she pulls Azzi with her, the younger girl going willingly, despite the eye roll. She stops triumphantly in front of the sushi section and Azzi looks at her quizzically. 

“I’m getting you supermarket sushi,” Paige says pointedly, “and then you can get me mac and cheese.”

And if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favourite mac and cheese. Oh. The realisation of what Paige is doing trickles around Azzi a little bit like rain after a long summer drought. She thinks back to the bouquet, everything suddenly making sense.

“You’re such a dork Paige Bueckers,” Azzi says softly, tapping the older girl’s nose. 

“Your dork,” Paige grins cheesily, “now hurry up and pick one. I don’t wanna miss the sunset.”

***

Once she catches on it, it doesn’t surprise Azzi to find that Paige has everything planned out perfectly, down to the exact spot in the park- the one by Paige’s recovery airBnB, the one they’d taken countless walks in trying to repair their friendship- where the two of them can be away from everybody else, in their own little bubble. And she has a picnic blanket, that’s a little small but they don’t really want space from each other anyways. They lean against a tree, food set up in front of them, Paige’s laptop, carefully piled on top of a couple of books to be the perfect height, set a little bit further away. 

“So what NBA game are we watching?” Azzi asks with a smile and Paige groans, “what? Was that not part of the plan?”

“Dude come on. It’s the beginning of October. Please tell me you know the NBA season isn’t happening yet,” Paige rubs her temple, only a little endeared by the comment, “are you sure you’re a basketball player?” 

“There are games in October. I swear I’ve seen them before,” Azzi says sceptically. 

“Yeah at the very end of the month, not right now.”

“Well then close enough,” Azzi says indignantly, “I don’t need to know the exact day.”

“Whatever you say baby,” Paige acquiesces with a smirk and it earns her an elbow to the stomach, “what the fuck? That shit’s domestic violence you know?”

“Big words Bueckers, didn’t think you knew them,” Azzi teases, placing a kiss against Paige’s offended expression, before settling herself against the blonde’s side, sighing contentedly when she gets a kiss on her temple in return. They’re cliché enough to put on Love and Basketball, but Azzi doesn’t really end up watching much at all. In between slow kisses, she almost falls asleep a couple of times, the comfort of Paige’s arms like a blanket wrapping her in the warmth of this is my fairytale. 

“THE POLAROID,” Paige’s shout breaks Azzi out of her haze as she feels her body being shaken off, the blonde rummaging through her bag for the camera, “we have to take the polaroid. My wall needs it.”

“Oh yeah a tiny polaroid picture of us inbetween all your Lebron posters, a perfect fit,” Azzi drawls only to be met with a scathing look from Paige. 

“It’s for important things and Lebron is the most important of them all,” Paige explains with complete seriousness, as she finally finds the polaroid camera and shimmies back to Azzi with it in hand. 

The sunset is beautiful. Pink, purple, orange and blue, all blending together to create the perfect picture. But Azzi thinks it’s not nearly as beautiful as the girl in front of her, not nearly as beautiful as the date Paige had planned, not nearly as beautiful as the future she can so clearly see now. Her mind drifts back to the night of the phone call, and she can almost hear Paige’s sobs again, can still hear her own voice breaking. Back then, they had seemed impossible, a butterfly like dream that danced out of their grasp. 

“Hey,” Paige captures her chin with two fingers, “where’d you go?”

Azzi shakes her head, “nowhere. I’m right here. With you. Where I should be.”

“Sappy goof,” Paige snorts but she kisses Azzi like she’ll take those words and hide them in the labyrinth of her mind, protect them there forever. 

Taking the picture is a task, both of them bickering about angles and lights. It’s unnecessary arguing, in true Paige and Azzi fashion really but there’s something so mundanely domestic about it that Azzi finds herself wanting to memorise this moment too. They finally get the frame just right, somewhere in between what they both wanted. Azzi smiles at the camera, her Paige smile, as the blonde in question presses her lips against her cheeks. 

Click. 

And Azzi hopes, that however many years later, when they have a home of their own, amidst all the photos that they’ll take over the next years, this one will be hung somewhere on their wall, a testament to finally realising every dream they’d dared to dream together. 

***

December 2024 

There are pebbles being thrown at her window and Azzi has to stop herself from laughing when she peers down to see Paige, freezing cold in the Virginia December air, staring up at her with a goofy smile. She shakes her head when her phone rings, knowing it’s Paige and answers it with her own foolish grin. 

“What exactly are you doing?” Azzi asks, “come back to bed.”

“You said I was unromantic. I’m trying to be romantic,” Paige’s teeth chatter in the cold, as she balances her phone in one hand, still throwing rocks with the other. 

“I didn’t say that and throwing rocks at my window is supposed to be romantic? You’re going to wake the whole house up.”

“That’s what they do in all the good rom coms. And you said and I quote ‘we’re kind of boring’. You might be boring Azzi Fudd but I most definitely am not.”

It had been a throwaway comment Azzi had made at dinner with some friends from high school. One of her friends had been going on and on about some adventurous trip that she and her boyfriend were going on, and then asked Paige and Azzi if they had any of that planned. To which Azzi had replied that they were a little too busy, considering they were college basketball players still in season, and besides they were “kind of boring” people. She hadn’t meant it in any type of way. Personally, Azzi likes boring. Paige however, seemed to have taken the comment to heart and Azzi had woken up at 2 a.m. to an empty bed and the sound of something being thrown at her window. 

“Okay I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You're really interesting baby and the most romantic person in the world. Now will you please come back to bed,” Azzi concedes, already missing the feeling of being cuddled up in her blankets with Paige’s body heat keeping her nice and toasty. 

“No,” Paige says indignantly, “come down here.”

“Paige, it's freezing. It’s gonna start snowing any minute.”

“Exactly. That’s exciting.”

“Sleep is exciting,” Azzi whines, but she’s already padding around her room looking for a warm sweater, grumbling under her breath about the warm California sun she’s missing. She tiptoes down the staircase, wincing at the one step that creaks just a little too much, before pushing herself out the door. And it’s freezing cold, there’s sleep in her eyes, but it’s all worth it Azzi thinks, it’ll always be worth it, just to experience Paige’s smile. 

“Knew you’d come,” Paige grins cockily, mittened hands pulling Azzi into her.

“Yeah yeah. What are we even doing?”

“Azzi Fudd,” Paige bellows dramatically, “may I have this dance.”

Azzi stares at Paige’s outstretched hand wondering if this is some sort of cry for help, but one look at Paige’s face tells her that the girl in front of her is being absolutely serious. 

“This is your idea of exciting? Dancing in the street while it’s freezing with no music?” Azzi raises an eyebrow, but she takes Paige’s hand. 

“It’s spontaneous,” Paige says the last word with a flourish, as she spins Azzi, “why not dance in the street when it’s freezing with no music?”

And well, that’s a fair point. If anyone were to look out their window that night, they’d probably think the two girls were somewhat crazy. Laughing and giggling and tripping over each other as Paige hums a melody and Azzi occasionally joins in. It’s ridiculous and corny and cliché and perfect. And then the first little bit of snow falls, white drops circling around the two dancing girls, snowflakes catching on their eyelashes. The dim glow of the streetlight is enough to catch identical smiles on the two girl’s faces as they revel in each other. 

“You know some people say if you make a wish during the first snowfall, it’ll come true,” Paige whispers, still waltzing the two of them around, cheek pressed to Azzi’s, “you wanna try?”

And the thing is Azzi doesn’t really believe in all of that, in magic but something about Paige, something about this moment feels magical. It makes a believer out of Azzi. 

“Yeah,” Azzi smiles, “let’s make a wish.”

They stand still, holding hands, eyes closed, both a little breathless, as they make their wishes. And when they open them, if it feels a little bit like maybe their wishes have already been granted, well they’ll share it in a secret smile but never out loud. After all, wishes don’t come true if you speak of them. 

***

April 2025

7 seconds to go in the National Championship and Azzi’s UCLA Bruins are down by two points. It’s her last chance, having already declared for the 2025 WNBA draft, to win a national championship, to bring home their first basketball national championship since the 1978 team that had won the AIAW championship, to win their first NCAA championship ever. It had taken some sheer luck to get to this point if Azzi’s honest. As a two-seed in the Spokane region, they’d benefitted from their one-seed having been eliminated early and then getting to face a Cinderella six-seed in the final four. On the other side of the bracket, UConn, the favourites coming for a repeat, had been stunned by another team, the team that UCLA was now facing. That had caused a bit of a second-hand sting and Azzi’s not really trying to take revenge for Paige, but it'd be a lie to say the get back at them for me babe from earlier this morning isn’t ringing in her head. 

The play is simple, set screens for Azzi, get her open, get her the ball. A two would get them to a tie and three would win it outright. Either will do. It’s a little too reminiscent of last year when Azzi had failed at tying the final 4 game and she can still feel that loss on the tips of her fingers. They break out from their last timeout, breathlessly running to their spots on the floor. The whistle blows, Kiki inbounds the ball and everything is a blur. All Azzi knows is the shot clock is winding down. She runs off of what feels like a million screens. And then she’s open on the wing, for a millisecond. A perfect pass from Kiki makes sure the ball lands straight in Azzi’s hand. And she doesn’t think, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t even notice the defender put up a hand, she shoots the ball. There’s two people on the court that know for sure that ball is going in the minute it leaves Azzi’s fingers, the shooter herself and her biggest fan in the stands, who’s been just a little bit in love with that shooting stroke, since before anything else had even begun. 

With a delicate swish, the ball falls through the net, the buzzer sounds around the arena, the crowd explodes in blue and gold, as the UCLA Bruins win the 2025 national championship. 

Everything stills in Azzi’s brain for a second, her thoughts taking a second to catch up to reality. She’s never really been one to emotion on the court, keeping herself steely guarded through most games, even at the very end. But now, triumph and pride and just utter happiness at finally achieving one of her biggest dreams, comes roaring to the surface, manifesting itself throughout her entire body, as she lets out a scream of joy. Her teammates engulf her and she gets lost in a sea of hugs and tears and bright, decadent smiles. 

As thing start to calm down, there’s really only one thing on Azzi’s mind and Paige’s words echo in her ears, because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. And Azzi thinks maybe Paige had discovered one of the biggest truths of their life with that, the truth that at the end of day, in any moment, big or small, happy or sad, the one person Azzi wants next to her, is her Paige. It’s been that way since she was fourteen, and too young to really understand the meaning of wanting someone forever, and she thinks if she has her way, it’ll be like that for the rest of her life, the rest of their life. 

Paige is beaming in the crowd, standing next to Jon and José, a #35 jersey proudly adorning her torso. She waves when she catches Azzi’s eyes, always her biggest cheerleader. And Azzi throws caution to the wind, fuck it, not caring that there’s still a large crowd or that cameras are likely to follow her every move. She pushes her way into the stands, stopping right in front of the blonde. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad would kissing you right now be?” Azzi asks, still a little breathless. 

A myriad of emotions flicker through Paige’s face before settling on a mischievous smirk, “probably pretty bad but you should do it anyways.”

Azzi grins before merging their lips together and everything else fades to the background, until she’s consumed by nothing but Paige. They break apart far quicker than either of them would like and Azzi expects to feel just a little bit of fear at what she’s just done, likely given the media a spectacle they could run a million and one stories about but instead, with her forehead still pressed against Paige’s, she feels nothing but calm. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi whispers and Paige’s eyes widen. They’ve known it for a while now but it’s the first time either of them have said it. 

“Say it again,” Paige demands. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi says again, grinning so hard, she thinks it might become her permanent expression, “like really fucking in love with you.”

“I’m so in love with you,” Paige whispers, pulling Azzi into a bone-crushing hug. 

And this might not be the moment where everything finally comes together. There’s still so much life left to live, so much that they still need to work through, so much they’ve yet to deal with. But for now, Azzi has a national championship and she has the love of her life, the rest will work itself out, or so she hopes.

[writing-with-olive]

A starting place for self-editing your novel

I wrote this in a reblog to one of @boy-who-can-fly​‘s posts, but as I couldn’t add any tags to that that would make it findable to more than just my followers, I figured I’d make the same content in an original post because YAY TAGS!

Without further ado...

1) Take a break.

Some authors have suggested taking a break for six or so weeks, but I find anything longer than three makes me too distanced from my story, and I have to work a lot harder to get back into my protagonist’s head. During this break, don’t so much as look at your story. Instead, focus on something else. Maybe growing your author platform, planning or developing another wip, or researching the publishing industry if publishing is the end goal for your book (this goes for both traditional and self pub). The point of this is that without some distance, it’s going to be a lot harder to see larger developmental flaws.

(this is a very long post, so the rest of the steps are below the break)

2) The first read-through.

After your break has ended, and you’ve got to be a little stern with yourself not to extend it farther than what you set, or else you’ll never return to it, do a readthrough. This means either just reading it off you’re computer or kindle, or going to somewhere like staples and getting it printed and spiral bound (this costs money, but I found it helpful down the line). Two rules: 1) no editing. 2) look at the first rule. This read-through is going to help give you a general sense of what is and isn’t working in your book; the problems you notice here are likely going to be the biggest ones. (if you want, you can combine this step with step three, but I found it more helpful to keep them seperate)

3) Outline.

It doesn’t matter whether you outlined before, or whether you decided to pants it. By the time you get to editing, you need to have an outline that’s reflective of what you actually put on the page. Go through your story, chapter by chapter, and for each new scene write down

what is your character’s goal in this scene

what is standing in their way

what is the outcome of the scene.

This list should not go into depth; one short sentece per point, MAX. That being said, make sure to keep things specific, so “MC wants to convice X to go with them to Y.” is going to be a lot more useful to you later on than “MC tries to convince them to go.” This outline is going to help you objectively look at your story structure, as you can see a lot more of what’s happening at once, without being quite so overwhelmed by the sheer mass of the words you wrote. Yes, this step can be a bit tedious, but it is so, so worth it.

4) Sort out what you need to fix, aka start making a game plan for your edits.

Now that you’ve read through your wip at least once through, and probably twice, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you need to fix. The key here is that right now, you want to be fixing on the global edits - the things that span beyond just a single scene or chapter. The reason why is that you don’t want to be spending hours perfecting a scene that you’re just going to need to cut later because it doesn’t advance the plot.

In a new document or spreadsheet (whatever you think will work better for you, I liked using a google doc), write issues you see with:

Each of your main cast (regarding character development, motivations voice, etc)

Setting/s (consistancy, realism for your world)

General worldbuilding (consistancy, things poorly explained/set up)

Main plot (following a given plot structure, building tension, etc)

Each subplot (how it intertwines with the main plot, plot structure, building tension, etc)

Other major things you noticed during your readthroughs

These things tend to be larger scope, and generally are worth addressing first.

5) Picking your edit.

Look at the list of edits, and see which one is going to cause the most ripples through your story. This is going to be the first thing you look at to fix. If there are more than one edits that will all have major impacts on the story, think about which edit would make the other ones easier.

For example, in my wip, Project Toxin, my plot was, well, a trainwreck and a dumpster fire’s love child. But my characterization for my MC was also a wreck. Still, getting the overall plot more in order would make it easier for me to edit my MC, so I chose plot first.

6) Make a game plan for your edit.

Before diving in and ripping through your first draft, come up with a game plan. Brainstorm possible solutions to the edit you’ve chosen, and look at what ripples it would cause. You want to make sure that what route you take isn’t going to upset something major or crucial to your story. Most likely whatever solution you choose will cause some other upsets, so just make sure to think through what makes most sense for your story.

For example, when working on my story, I was fixing plot first. Figuring out my game plan meant looking at my scene list and moving things around/adding/cutting content until I had a plot that was much more satisfactory, and that was, in my mind, not a wreck.

Possible game plans for different types of edits:

1. Plot:

Look at your scene list. What helps to advance the plot? What is dragging the pacing. Are there any elements that you are adding or cutting in your overall story that need to be accounted for? With this in mind, cross out scenes that you want to cut, move scenes around that need to come in a different order, add scenes that need to be added, and mark scenes that need to be combined into one.

2. Characters:

For each of your characters, look at their character development. It’s going to be hard to make them come to life better on the page unless you’ve got a grasp of who they are, even if you didn’t plan them out originally. If you have not, consider listing in a spreadsheet or google doc what their backstory is, what their goals are, why they want those goals, and what a few of their strengths and weaknesses are. Also think about their voice: what words do they use more often? Sentence structures? What do they sound like when they’re talking? Stuff like that. If your character is inconsistant, pick one version of them that you want to follow (knowing that they will likely change over the course of the story), and look at what parts of them you will need to change to accomodate that.

3. Setting/Worldbuilding:

I’ve put these together here as they’re somewhat similar. For poorly explained aspects of worldbuilding, look at where you might add in little details so you can better set that foundation (this is not usually a global edit). If things are inconsistant, look at what makes the most sense for your story, and like what we talked about with characters, alter the rest to accomodate that.

7) Making edits.

This is where you really get to dig in and really move things around. Using the edit you’ve picked and the game plan you’ve developed, go through scene by scene and make the changes. I strongly recommend having a seperate doc from your rough draft to store your second draft in. Currently, my process is to have both open at the same time, and if a scene is already fine, I’ll just copy/paste it over. At least for me, however, it’s usually not, and I’ll either make tweaks to fix it up, or, more often at this early stage, I’ll rewrite it. As an added bonus, I also find that rewriting it makes my prose a lot stronger, since I’ve grown so much as a writer since I originally wrote the scene.

Since you know your story better, you may find other elements that you want to change are improving as you edit. If not though, don’t worry - they’ll get their own editing pass.

8) Repeat steps 5-7

You made a list of edits you needed to make back in step four. Now, follow steps 5-7 to make all of those edits and changes.

9) Repeat steps 2-8

Two steps telling you to repeat in a row? Yes. The deal now is that you want to make sure you’ve cleaned up any global edits before moving on to anything smaller. If you’ve been thourough thus far, this will be a very fast step. If not, think of this step as a safety net. There may have been ripples that you didn’t notice earlier on, and it’s a good thing you’re catching them now.

10) Chapter edits

At this point, we’ve cleaned up all the big edits. Now we’re going to look at each chapter. Within each chapter, there needs to be a mini-arc. A beginning, middle, and end. This is the time to really focus on that. Also focus on things like tightening up prose, combining or compressing paragraphs, making sure you’ve adequately set the scene, etc. If you’re over the word count limit regarding your genre, also focus on cutting a certain number of words from each chapter to put your story back within those limits.

11) The little things

This is about combing through your wip to find all of the little errors that have made their way through edits. Typos, weird or incorrect grammar, useless adverbs, things like that. At this point, everything is on a more superficial level.

Beta Readers

Given that this has gotten quite long, I’m not going to go in depth about beta readers here, but around step 10/11, you’re going to start recruiting beta readers (you’re going to want to try and have multiple rounds of somewhere around 10 betas each, which is why having a good author platform is useful: recruiting is easier). Between each round, you’re going to look at their feedback and make the necessary edits. After several rounds of beta readers, you’re going to look it over a few more times, and then if you’re going the traditional publishing route, you’re going to query agents. If you’re going the self-pub route you’re going to look to hire a professional editor. If you’re not looking to publish, this may be the end of the line.

Good luck editing!

[sparklingpax]

A Different Side (1/2)

Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts...but there’s more to that story. 

///

A/N: 

-This is a rather silly fic, so do not worry I promise there is nothing inappropriate or heavy in this one at all! It’s,,,a dumb idea I had in History the other day,,,I wrote most of it between/during class periods, and edited the rest when I was supposed to be doing homework at home! :’) 

-Please excuse any typos, grammar mistakes, ooc-ness, weird phrasings, punctuation errors, or really just anything that looks weird or isn’t right; I’m an amateur and I do this stuff for fun! So I’m naturally not the best at it....keep that in mind pls...

-WHAT IS THIS TITLE IM SO SORRY--

-Ok but this story is honestly kinda dumb goumen I’ll write better things soon

-Set in the TFP universe! 

-This only has two parts, so this be the first and the next update is the end of it.... 😹😹 ^^’’

Enjoy! :D 

///

“Eat my dust, Jack!”

“Not if I pass you first!!”

“No, you won’t!!!”

“Says who?!”

               Two cars raced around the base, one just barely passing the other.

               Miko and Jack had gone head-to-head, racing one last tournament before they had to go home—after the tie last round, they just had to know who, really, was the victor of the day. The two of them shouted competitively as they jammed the controls in one direction or another. Excited, Raf looked on. He, too, was curious of the outcome.

               At present, only Ratchet had remained at base.

               The others had gone out to investigate an abandoned energon mine somewhere in Maine. Optimus had visited the location once before but was not able to reach the source of the readings he’d gotten.

               Therefore, since there had been no Decepticon activity in the past week or so, he took his team to search the caverns.

               They were due to return in about 10 minutes, according to Ratchet. When they did, each guardian was then going to take their human companion home.

               It was a normal day at the Autobot base.

              “NO WAY—”

              “TAKE THAT!!!!”

              Jack threw his fist in the air triumphantly while Miko crumpled to the floor in defeat. Raf burst into laughter as she actually went and laid flat on her back.

             “The horror! I’ve let Jack win!!” She overdramatically wailed. Then, after a moment, sat up and giggled along with Raf and Jack. As the two went to retrieve their cars, Raf scampered up to Ratchet.

             “Hey, Ratchet. What are you doing?”

             The medic sighed, continuing to tinker with what looked like some kind of tool. “Fixing one of Bulkhead’s….accidents,” He muttered. With a sigh, he remembered the large mech smashing it while trying to reenact a fight he had, showing off to Miko. Naturally, the girl had been amazed, but it was short-lived as Ratchet, too, had witnessed that retelling.

              Raf fixed his glasses. “I’m sure it was just an accident, Ratchet.”

              With an eyeroll, Ratchet responded, “It was, but that doesn’t make it any less of an inconvenience, Rafael. It was quite immature of him, too.” He held it up to the light to observe a small detail of the frame.

              “Oh…I see.”

              “Thank the Allspark it’s not one of my more important tools,” he murmured, mostly to himself. Ratchet put it down for a moment to check on the progress of the rest of the team’s expedition.

              He pushed the comm button. “Optimus, come in. Have you found anything? Is everyone okay?”

             “Negative, Ratchet. There is nothing left in these caves,” he reported, a faint note of disappointment in his tone. “Though, everyone is fine. We require a bridge.”

              “Understood.”

              Ratchet tapped a few more buttons to lock onto their coordinates and pulled the lever, activating the groundbridge.  Miko and Jack broke off their conversation and joined Raf to stand by Ratchet, waiting for their guardians’ returns.

               Sure enough, after a moment, the team came through the portal with a swishing noise, Optimus the last one through. While the three kids gravitated to their partners, Optimus merely stood at the bridge. He remained for a moment, passing his gaze over his team.

              Then, without a word, he turned and headed down the halls—to his room.

              “Did you really think….” Arcee trailed off her snide remark at Jack as she heard Optimus’s heavy footsteps go past everyone and down the hall. She and Jack exchanged looks as everyone else, also, noticed this.

               After a short spell of silence, Miko finally spoke up.

               “Is he mad or something? Cuz I mean, geez—he didn’t even say hello.” She folded her arms.

               “No, Miko,” Ratchet responded, sounding a little exasperated. “What could he be angry over, if he were?” More silence followed his words. It was not often Optimus actually showed what he was feeling like this.

               Everyone was therefore concerned.

               “Do you think…he might be, like, really disappointed about not finding anything in the caves, then?” Jack asked, drifting from Arcee to the groundbridge area. “I mean, from what he’s been saying, you guys really needed that energon…”

               “He could just be tired, too,” Raf chimed in. The bots thought for a moment.

               Bumblebee shifted from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable. ‘I just hope he’s okay…’

               Ratchet set his tools aside and headed for the hall. “I’ll go talk to him,” he said. The humans and bots exchanged glances, then nodded.

///

               “So!” Ratchet huffed frustratedly, emerging from the halls. “He won’t open the door, and will not talk to me, either!” He threw his hands in the air with a noise of exasperation, trudging back to his station.

               Rafael nudged Miko, who had her headphones in. Jack stood up and began down the stairs.

               “I guess something is wrong,” Arcee murmured, folding her arms. She caught sight of Jack, regarding her companion with an inquisitive gaze.

               “Jack?”

               “I’ll talk to him.” He heard his own determined voice, then touched the back of his head with an awkward laugh. “I’ll—I’ll try, I mean…”

               “Good luck,” Ratchet muttered bitterly, not taking his eyes off his current repair project. “If he even has the courtesy to acknowledge you at all.”  Jack flashed a thumbs up.

He uneasily began to wonder what could have put Optimus so out of sorts that he wouldn’t even speak to Ratchet. It was also rare for Optimus to do this kind of thing, apparently.

Something told Jack it wasn’t just about the energon…but he still wanted to find out for himself.

               “Later, Jack!” Raf called, scampering down the steps. Miko followed, slinging her backpack onto her shoulders. She waved.

               “Yeah, we’re gonna go home now, but you better text us later, kay?” Bulkhead and Bumblebee then transformed, and the two kids hopped in. Ratchet, remembering he had to bridge them out, audibly sighed, slumping over.

               “For the love of Primus, am I able to get any work done around here without constantly being interrupted?!”

               That’s my cue to leave, Jack thought. He quickly hurried down the halls, not wanting to be the next victim of Ratchet’s frustration. He knew the medic only meant well, and that his work was important to him.

               Still, he internally wished Ratchet had more patience. Even if he didn’t scare Jack, it was still unpleasant to be around the old bot when he was not in a good mood.

               Speaking of which….

               Jack came upon Optimus’s berth room, which was closed. He sucked in a breath, raising his arm to knock. Hesitation pulled his arm back after a second.

               What if he is just resting? I’d be pretty ticked if someone interrupted my long nap…

               A memory of Miko pushing him off the couch as a prank resurfaced. He remembered feeling frustrated more than anything else. Of course, she’d apologized, but that wasn’t really going to give him back those precious minutes of sleep.

               He rolled his eyes. “What can you expect when you’re friends with Miko Nakadai, right?” He murmured, raising his arm again. But for the sake of satisfying my own curiosities, at least—

               “Hey, Optimus?” Jack called, knocking lightly. When he received no response for a few minutes, he sighed and knocked again—this time, a bit louder. “Optimus!! Are you okay in there?”

               There was a rustling noise from behind the door, but still no response. Jack decided to stop knocking. He put his back against the metal and slid to the floor. Maybe simply talking it out would help.

               “You know, everyone’s kinda worried about you…” He sighed again, laughing a little. “Oh, and Ratchet’s kinda mad you didn’t even acknowledge him. So…you’re probably gonna have to apologize for that later…”

               The boy bowed his head a little. It was possible Optimus wanted to be left alone right now. Coming to bother him might have been a mistake. Jack began to think up other ways he and the others could figure out—

               “Jack.”

               Optimus spoke at last, his voice sounding calm—completely level, actually. Instantly, the teen sprang to his feet and answered.

               “Optimus! Ok, good. You’re alive, then,” he joked. When the Prime didn’t respond to his jest—naturally—Jack shook his head and chuckled quietly. “It’s ok, I was joking. Anyway—do you….wanna talk? Is everything ok? You seemed kind of sad when you came through the bridge…and you didn’t even tell us how it went…”

               Didn’t tell us anything, actually, but I’ll leave that part out. I’m sure Optimus doesn’t want to be guilted for stuff at the moment.

               There was another noise—it sounded a little more desperate before it abruptly came to a stop. Then, the Autobot leader’s hefty footsteps began to approach the door. Jack backed away, glad that his efforts seemed to have paid off. The large metal sheet slid upwards, revealing Optimus’ huge figure.

               His face was completely expressionless, but he mustered a somewhat warm look when he gazed at Jack.

               Well, at least Optimus said something and…opened his door, Jack consoled himself mentally. Even though I still don’t know what’s bothering him. Guess we’ll just have to wait for him to tell us…

               “I will go apologize to Ratchet. It was not my intention to offend him…” He started out the door and down the hall. Then, he paused to face Jack for a moment as he added, “And my apologies also to you, I did not mean to worry anyone. Thank you for coming to get me.”

               “Oh—no, don’t worry about that, Optimus. It’s fine.”

               The Prime nodded briefly, saying nothing more. Jack watched him go. Now, he was even more confused than before.

               So why were you acting weird when you got back to base?

               By coincidence, his gaze happened to wander to Optimus’ open berth room. Jack had the sudden realization that he’d never seen Optimus’s berthroom before. Actually, he hadn’t seen any of the bots’ rooms since he’d known about their base.

               He left the door open, it wouldn’t hurt to go take a look…I think?

               Quietly, he padded inside. Taking a moment to look around, Jack noted that it was quite a huge space—way bigger than he’d expected from the size of the door.

It was also very….bare.

               No posters, furnishings, or anything other than the walls, his berth, and a small shelf. On that shelf, there was nothing except for some mystery object shoved in the corner, covered by an old blue cloth.

               “Exactly what you’d expect from a guy like Optimus,” Jack remarked to himself. He sighed and began to walk away, when suddenly a noise snapped his attention back around.

               Back to the shelf.

               Back to the blue cloth.

               A noise that had come from….

               “What is that thing?” Jack murmured to himself as he drew close to it again.

               He jumped back as it vibrated and briefly glowed a bright blue. It seemed to come back to life as a steady humming filled the air of the room. The teen came to a halt right in front of the shelf, placing his hands on his hips as he stared at it, curious and confused.

               Was he trying to hide this? Jack wanted even more to know what it did—what it was.

               And while he stared at it, the object beneath the cloth made another noise.

               “Roadwork ahead?? Uh, YEAH, I sure hope it does!”

               For a moment, Jack stood immobile. Then, he burst into laughter.  

               Optimus was watching vines….he was watching vines….Optimus Prime was watching vines.

               He suddenly remembered what had happened to his mom when she watched vine for the first time. For at least two long, painful weeks, the only things she said were vine quotes—in a failed attempt to be funny. 

               Optimus was watching….vines….oh no.

               Jack turned on his heel and sprinted down the halls.

....

I’ll edit and fix stuff later; I’m in class rn lolol :’D

Thx for reading!! Feedback is always appreciated~

<3

[soliverse]

SAY YOU LOVE ME - PART 2

rockstar!taeyongxjournalist!reader

genre: angst, suggestive, romance

warnings:  alcohol, a bit of cursing

1 ⭒ 2 ⭒ 3 ⭒ 4 ⭒ 5 ⭒ finale pt 1

Length: 1.6k

ps: I didn’t proofread this so forgive the typos and grammars errors. Will edit this in the future.

A series of clicks can be heard from your cubicle. You only have a few more minutes before the deadline of the article that you’re currently working on and so you’re furiously typing like your life depended on it. Your head was buzzing and your vision was getting a bit hazy, but you pushed through and managed to hit the send button before the website closes. You didn’t even notice that you were holding your breathe until you relaxed your body and you were gasping for air.

Massaging your head, you take a few more deep breaths to calm your nerves down. You didn’t even notice that you were holding your breath just as you were typing. Once you’ve managed to rest and clear your mind for a bit, you stood up and fixed yourself up before saying goodbye to your coworkers.

While on the commute going home, you decided to check your messages. It’s mostly just business contacts or some friends asking how you’ve been doing. You missed your old pals and decided to contact them for a night out. A little gathering just to unwind. Unfortunately, most of them seems to be doing something for that evening. You just sighed and  got off on the convenience store near your apartment and just decided to chill on your own. You grabbed the first row of chips that you can find, a few bottles of soju, and frozen pizza to stuff your face with while you’re watching some really sucky horror movies.

You were already daydreaming on the walk home of how you will spend the evening when you turned the doorknob and you noticed that it wasn’t locked. When you got in, you were met with a very occupied Taeyong, who was clearly very invested in whatever it is that he was playing.

“Oh, hey.”

He paused the game as soon as he acknowledged your presence. He was wearing his favorite gray hoodie and sweatpants ensemble that he usually wears when he’s at home. His long brown hair was messy because he never bothers with what he looks like at home. It was effortless, and yet he still looks ten times better than you and the “corporate zombie” style that you’re currently rocking.

“So… No show tonight, huh?”

You asked him as you made your way inside the house. He smiles boyishly and grabbed took the grocery bad from you.

“Yep. Bossman said that we need a few days rest before we leave for next week. It’s a pretty big scene so they’re taking preparations seriously.” He explained as he made his way to the kitchen. You followed suit.

Taeyong’s band is a regular attraction at the bar a few streets over. He usually leaves just shy a few minutes after you came home to tune some equipment or change into whatever they need to wear that night. The house would be clean, Felice is full and you enjoy the peace and quiet to yourself in your room. Then, he wraps things up around midnight and he comes home to you sleeping soundly. There are even times when they would be scheduled for some place out of town and you’ll be home by yourself for at least a few days. Your schedules made it hard for the both of you to meet. You’re glad that things are going well for him and his band. However, times like this made you miss hanging out with him just like the old times.

He gently placed the heavy paper bags over the counter and took the contents out. Just beside the kitchen cabinets, you saw an unenthusiastic feline resting beside her food bowl.

“Hello baby~ How was your day?” You squealed in this excited, high-pitched voice that you always use when babying your little one. You scooped her in your arms and snuggled with her fluffy body.

“I’m fine… Thanks for asking.”

He mumbles from the other side of the room, a bit jealous of the affection that you are giving to the cat instead of him, an actual human being.

You sat Felice down on the counter and sat at one of the stools.

“Nice. Haven’t had one of these for ages.”

He said as he was taking out the soju bottles from earlier.

“Guess that means you’re joining me then?” You rested your chin on one of your hands while the other is tapping your fingernails to the counter.

“You betcha.”

////

You’re no lightweight when it comes to drinking, but a few months without practice made it easier for the alcohol to get to you. You’re still sober, but it made it hard for you to focus and understand the film that you’re currently watching. You even forgot about the title, just remembered that it’s about some type of man-eating monster and stuff.

“Hey Y/N, are you even watching?”

Taeyong asked from below the couch, currently munching on some chips.

“I am! In fact, I know who’s been baiting all these men.”

He chuckled at the sound of your words slurring from intoxication.

“Well, of course you would! Her name is literally in the title.”

He takes another shot of the alcohol before speaking once again.

“The movie sucks by the way. Should’ve let me pick a movie.”

This time, it was your turn to chortle.

“Eww no. You would’ve chosen some cliché romcom movie starring Julia Roberts. We’ve watched all of those already!”

“Nope. We haven’t watched Pretty Woman yet. You’ve been missing out on a masterpiece.”

“Fine. But can you at least share my chips with me?”

You tossed over the remote to him. In other occasions, you would’ve been stubborn and stuck with the movie that you’re currently watching. However, your boredom and drunkenness aided your complacency. In turn, he tossed over a few bags of chips in your direction. One of them landed on your face, which earned him a glare. However, he just grinned and turned to the tv to switch the movies.

He had always had this fascination for Julia Roberts. He told you at one of your drinking sessions that his mother absolutely adored her to the point that his sister was almost named Julia. However, they opted to a more Korean name instead. It was one of those moments when you wondered if he and the performer Lee Taeyong was the same person. His fans would be surprised to know about the softy that he is.

“Alright!”

He exclaims excitedly as he finished setting up the movie. This time, he sat besides you so he can stretch his legs from sitting on the floor too much. You didn’t mind and scooted over to the other side to give him more space.

As it turns out, Pretty Woman isn’t the ugly duckling fairytale story that you expected it to be. It’s PG13 nature rendered you speechless all throughout the movie. Even Taeyong was quiet the whole time.

“So that’s why you like this movie…”

You said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood up. However, he just looked at your way and pressed his finger on his lips. He shushed slowly before going back to watch the film. Your eyes widened at the sight. The way he did it just looked so, hot.

You muttered some curses on your head and talked yourself to snap out of it. You just grabbed one of the remaining pizza slices and stuffed your mouth nervously while trying to divert your attention back on the film.

Well… that didn’t help at all.

The girl, Vivian, woke up by herself and started looking for the main guy. She saw him at one of the halls, playing the piano.

Taeyong gulped, knowing how this scene will go.

Meanwhile, your eyes stayed glued at the screen and watched as the scene unfolds. Unconsciously, you started imagining that the main guy was Taeyong… and… Oh god.

You were about to grab the last remaining bottle of soju to cool yourself but your hands touched Taeyong’s, as he was also thinking of the same thing.

Your eyes met. He had this look that you’re familiar with. It’s how he looked at you that night at the club. Suddenly, you see yourself being pulled by some unknown force towards him. So was his. The next thing you know, your lips met halfway. You can feel his breaths hitching which probably turned you on even more. He slithered his hands on your waist and pulled you in your closer to him, your hands now wrapped his neck. You can feel yourself heat up as he lays you down, his body now hovering over you. You find yourself getting drawn in deeper and you closed your eyes just so you can feel it more.

And then memories of him started flooded in.

Yuta.

This jolted you back into reality. You blacked out for a bit, not realizing that you pushed Taeyong off of you. His eyes were first met with confusion, and then he realizes what just happened.

“Shit. I’m sorry Y/N!”

You didn’t even speak a word to him probably because of a mix between shock and embarrassment. You just ran off to your room and slammed the door, leaving Taeyong alone in the couch, cursing himself out.

[kaleidoscopeheartandsoul]

Lie to Me Theory: Music Video

Start Here: Lie to Me Theory: Timeline 

There is no way to beat around this part of theory. It must be approached directly and bravely. All of what has happened in the timeline to here has left people distracted. So no one would be looking for the ultimate truth in a video about lying. Luke is singing. He addresses four different people. Everyone is represented by cars: three different parties. Two different agendas for being in relationships. All stemming from one reason. 

First we need to talk about the two truly significant elements of the Lie to Me Music Video: the lyrics and the center car. 

What do we mean by lyrics? The ones available on AZlyrics or Genius? The ones they’re singing? Not this time.

From the video description.

Artist frequently put their lyrics in the description of their videos. 5SOS does this on a number of their videos. This is the only one of their videos where the lyrics in the description 1. from a different version of the song and 2. have a typo in them

Here is one of the screenshots of the LTM Official MV that I took.

These were the official lyrics that Ashton, Calum and Luke wrote with Ali Tamposi. And then a very talented and good female singer, Julia Michaels, was brought in so they could make the official lyrics publicly available

It is strange that they would do this. Why not just leave both versions of the lyrics under the proper versions of each video? Unless the lyrics of the official audio version aren’t actually the right lyrics.

It is careless and weird that the grammar on most of their videos (all of their other music videos) is good and then suddenly on LTM the first typo on a music video appears. They would have caught it and fixed it by now, surely. 

These boys don’t know how to spell “Change” huh? ‘Chang’

Don’t know how to edit the description of a YouTube video? Forgot to? Don’t care to?  Remember when Michael told Luke on twitter to go back to school.

Change is the only word mispelled in the description of any of their music videos...because the lyrics were “Changed.” 

Yes, it is entirely possible something this cryptic occurred. 

Think Think Think

The cleverness within this band should not be underestimated. Time and time again, artists under Modest! have used covert means to convey the truth of their situations without the majority of their audiences noticing. 

These in the description are the original lyrics of LTM. The lyrics of the official release were changed to fit the image that management wanted to promote. This seems to be the implication, so interpretation of the music video rests on these lyrics and not the ones they are singing.

Symbolic Cars

This part was easy for people to pick up on. 

Represented on the passenger side of the center car by 96 like Hemmo1996.

Then there’s the other side of the car.

Represented on the driver’s side of the center car by these two lower-cased letters: ae.  So who’s ae?

There are a number of options for people special enough in Luke’s life that he might want in the car with him, in fact, a person he cares enough about that that person might be the driver. A person with ae in their name. So there’s a lot of those. What narrows down the options is that ae is a person who is close to  Luke but in the same situation as Luke. They are both circled by cars that represent threats to their wellbeing. So you can decide who ae is. It couldn’t be a coincidence that this video was released the week of Michael Clifford’s engagement. That would be ludicrous.

Now we can talk about the video story

L can see the mess before he agrees to be a part of it. The two cars are already circling like sharks before he gets into the car. He still gets into the car, sitting in the backseat. He’s surrendered for the next half of the video. Pain and heartbreak etched into his face. 

The circling cars represent “toxic people” like Ashton clued. So the circling cars are toxic relations.

He addresses the first chorus primarily to the circling car with toxic person #1.  This is a person who left him not only emotionally fraught but publicly humiliated him and scarred his reputation, then dropped all responsibility for fun and left him to do the clean up.

And now I wish we never met 

because you are too hard to forget

While I’m cleaning up your mess

I know he’s taking off your dress

And I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me

I hope you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me

The easy interpretation: 

1.     The person involved is sleeping with someone else but L isn’t angry that he’s been betrayed. Maybe because he loves her so much he could even forgive that...or maybe because he actually never loved her.

2.    Her marks on his life still causes a lot of grief because she publicly humiliated him and took no responsibility, so this is why all his regret stems from being stuck in the dump she threw him into 

3.     But he’s in communication with her---so he can ask her questions. Like if she still loves him. But that doesn’t make sense if he didn’t even like her that much.

“LTM represents when someone is in a relationship for something other than what you are there for.” Like fame or publicity, but Luke is using her for something else entirely.

Luke was being used because he was in a vulnerable situation. He still is in a vulnerable situation. It made it easy for others to hurt him but he didn’t rely on them. 

He starts by regretting the toxic relationship, but in these last two lines, he is turning to a different person, his person. 

Luke’s voice lifts at the end of each chorus as he turns to his last hope. “And I know that you don’t” because he sees how disgusted the person must be by the situation “but if I ask you if you love me, I hope you lie...” I hope you’ll love me. Despite how much you couldn’t--don’t like me.  

It’s 3 am and the moonlight’s testing me

I know you’ve been holding onto someone else

And now I can’t sleep (Ah)

I ain’t happy, oh

I ain’t too happy, oh

This verse starts immediately after the first time we get to see the driver’s side of the car where it says ae. This is extremely coincidental. It’s shifting focus onto another person. 

So he’s addresses ae basically, ‘I feel tested. I’ve turned to you and begged you to take me, but you’ve been acting like me, holding on to the same stories I’ve been through with a toxic person. It worries me. I am not happy. But I am also not mad at you.’

 Luke holds back from accusing ae even though he would like to. He is wounded again by ae’s actions but he does not want to outright blame ae for the situation that they are both stuck in the center of. 

 Flashing back to New York City 

Chang your flight so you stay with me

Remember thinking that I got this right

‘Flashing back’ is when we recall memories. Nostalgia sets in for a better time. The first pre-chorus, Luke has a balance he is reminiscing about when he at the time thought he could balance both of his relationships perfectly. There was turmoil of course--the need to re-negotiate flights because of a mess up with leaving to New York--but it was alright after that and that’s why he was led into a false sense of security that he got this “right.” Did anyone ever have to change flights when they were trying to leave New York city because of a mistake. 

It’s funny that I thought this typo was on purpose because the official lyric again is ‘Change your flight so you stay with me’ but if it was really meant to be ‘changed’ then it would fit a dual purpose, warning us about the lyric flop and talking about that one time someone had their flight changed when they were trying to stay with Luke too. I’m dropping hints like bombs but I’m not saying what I’m talking about yet and it’s hilarious and terrible. Later post I promise. 

Flashing back to New York City

I was done but you undid me

Classic me to run when it feels right

The second time, Luke runs away from New York City, symbol of stability and security within his relationship with ae. He was done--he didn’t have any interest in connection with any of the toxic ones--but you undid me--again the theme of being humiliated and having a slaughtered reputation, the pain that goes with that. And now after the 3am verse  Luke is with ae, and done with TP #1, but ae’s ‘someone else,’ the second circling car, the other toxic person, is there to ruin Luke’s life again but by being attached to ae. This time Luke wants out. He’s so done already but this person is causing him double the agony that the last one did because he’s involving someone he cares for deeply. And he leaves the car before either of the circling cars smash into it. There is no Luke to hurt. Luke got out when “it feels right.” He knew this time that things were going well with ae but he gave up on ae because he was tired.

While Luke was humiliated, and went through a great deal of grief because of his toxic relationship, at no time during the car collisions do we see 96. Instead, the footage of the driver’s side of the car with the prominent ae is flipped so it looks as though the wheel of the car is on the right side passenger side of the car. It’s as though everything that once applied to Luke’s situation now applies to ae’s cause holy shit.

As it turns out, ae takes the hardest hit. The tempo is the most upbeat it was the entire video during the last chorus.  Luke is still surrendered to the situation but he’s protesting against the way they have been treated. Now all the boys are united, not just watching Luke. They’re all supporting each other. Luke is talking to Toxic Relationship person 2 in this chorus. He is stronger now. He’s done this before and the boys are supporting him. He’s standing up for ae. 

Last chorus: 

Now I wish we never met 

'Cause you're too hard to forget 

While he's taking off my dress 

I know she's laying on your chest

The relationship between himself and ae is the strongest it’s ever been, but even when ae’s taking off Luke’s clothes, Luke can tell that ae’s toxic relationship weighs on his heart. It is as though she is laying on his chest like depression weighs on the heart. Also this is gay if it’s real. 

Final verses:

I know that you don't, but if I ask you if you love me 

I hope you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me 

Singing, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie 

Li-li-lie, lie, lie, lie, lie 

Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie 

Li-li-lie, lie, lie, lie, lie (Yeah yeah) 

I know that you don't, but if I ask you if you love me 

I hope you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me

The last part “I know that you don’t....” is repeated twice with many desperate pleas for lies. It is repeated twice for both types of relationships: toxic and ae. 

For toxic, he hopes that they pretend that they love him. He’ll even sing their lies. For ae, he hopes whenever they are in public playing their games of animosity, if he ever slips up and does something loving or a giveaway, he hopes ae will lie about loving Luke too and follow through playing their pretend game of hate because it’s the only way to avoid making the situation worse, and that’s the one thing the management and the boys want. 

Then the car explodes

Because he knows, they know, it’s not going to work. All the lies are going to blow them up. So the car explodes. Showing ae. The lies literally made ae explode. 

An hour after the Lie to Me Music Video premieres, Michael’s fiancee announces publicly that they are engaged.  

Take care everyone :) tpwk including you

[loftec]

It’s been four years today since I put up the first chapter of NTW. Let’s celebrate with a new chapter, and a couple of sneaky extras.

I have been editing old NTW chapters (which has been slow, painful, discouraging work) and it felt impossible to write new chapters before I had finished the edit. I am not finished, but I reached the roguish chapter 20 last week and managed to talk myself into a bit of a compromise. So,

here is chapter 43, effing finally

and a lengthy account of this editing malarky under the cut:

This is a strange one, and I’m not sure what you’re going to think about it. Will this upset you? Have I ruined something you liked? I don’t know. I just know that it’s been four years (FOUR YEARS) and I really just needed to do this. So I’m going to go through the whole process with you here, to catch you up on why and what, and where.

(If you’re not interested in these changes, or in reading my rambling explanation, please have this PDF of NTW chapters 1-42, unedited.)

So. 

Why!

I have been writing this story for a long time, and I was in a very different place when I started it. I’m hopefully better at writing, now, and I have a slightly different approach to how I write. Every time someone commented that they just started reading NTW, I would feel really awkward about it, because I knew there were specific weak points in the first half that I wish I had managed better when I wrote them. So I decided to go back and edit a little, no big deal, right? Well.

I ended up doing a little bit more than just correcting typos, and I realise that this might feel like a bad thing to some of you who care about this story, and have been reading it almost as long as I have been writing it.

What??

Not everything has changed, I promise. The story is still the same, and I have tried my best to keep the bottom line the same for each and every scene that have in some way been adjusted. The edits can be divided into three levels, in order of severity.

Level one: tone consistency

Little things you hopefully won’t notice. Trying to get the first half to stylistically better match the second half. I can’t promise it’s better, but it’s different and oh dang… I hope it’s better.

Level two: alternative routes

More noticeable changes which still remain faithful to what they used to be. 

Example! In chapter 7, Ian and Mickey talk about coffee. Ian makes a pointless reference to Clueless, because 2015 me thought it would be funny. 2019 me would still make that pointless reference to Clueless, cling to it for a minute, and then admit to myself that it isn’t particularly funny and definitely isn’t in character, and then rewrite the scene. So I rewrote the scene. They still talk about coffee, all the main points are still there, but this time it makes some god damned sense.

Level three: DEMOLITION SCHEDULED TO MAKE WAY FOR AN INTERGALACTIC EXPRESSWAY

Substantial changes and additions. 

Example! In chapter 16, I originally wasted some 1000 words ranting about Halloween before getting to the point. Why? Because 2015 me had thoughts about Halloween and figured what the heck, Mickey can have those thoughts too, that makes sense. Guess what, 2015 me? It didn’t! But the point of that section was never supposed to be “Mickey hates Halloween, here’s why”, but “Mickey is grumpy because his son chose to spend Halloween with his mom for the first time in ten years and it sucks”... which did not come across super clearly, all muddled up in me projecting my own thoughts on the poor guy. This has been rewritten to better reflect what I wanted to say with that section, and also include more Yev and better introduce Mickey’s friendship with Sonya. It’s more in character, it’s more fun to read (I hope) and it makes some god damned sense.

We also have a couple of pure additions, such as the second half of the infamously incomplete chapter 20, and little bits here and there.

WHERE?

Here’s a list for reference.

Chapter 1: edited (level 1)

Chapter 2: edited (level 1)

Chapter 3: edited (level 3), slight addition/change

Chapter 4: edited (level 3), slight addition/change

Chapter 5: edited (level 1)

Chapter 6: edited (level 2), slight alteration in dialogue

Chapter 7: edited (level 2), slight alteration in dialogue

Chapter 8: edited (level 3), pretty hefty edit, but no real addition

Chapter 9: edited (level 3), added dialogue in the beginning, minor changes throughout

Chapter 10: edited (level 2), slight alteration in dialogue

Chapter 11: edited (level 1)

Chapter 12: edited (level 2), slight alteration in dialogue

Chapter 13: edited (level 1)

Chapter 14: edited (level 1)

Chapter 15: edited (level 2), mostly just a level 1 edit, but I think I added a paragraph at the end that wasn’t there before

Chapter 16: edited (level 3), the start has been rewritten, large bit has been added, the rest has been heavily edited/rewritten

Chapter 17: edited (level 3), a few smaller additions throughout, pretty heavily edited

Chapter 18: edited (level 2), some heavier edits, mostly bits and bobs

Chapter 19: edited (level 2), pretty heavily edited, but no major changes. Except one, concerning Monica’s death (mentioned). Let me know if you want me to elaborate on why I made this change (or any change, of course).

Chapter 20: edited (level 3) FINALLY ADDED THE SECOND HALF. It’s nothing special, but IT’S THERE NOW OMG I’VE BEEN SO ANNOYED BY THIS FOR SO LONG. Also edited.

(Chapters 21-40 to come.)

And here’s the thing. I think the story is a lot better now, but I 100% understand if you don’t feel the same way. I needed to rewrite the version of it which is published online under my pen name, so I changed it. But! That doesn’t mean you have to read it. Here’s the link to that PDF again. Let me know if the link ever stops working, and I’ll fix it.

Lastly. I want to thank you (YOU) for letting me grow and get better, in my own time. Editing the first twenty chapters was a painful experience for me, they were incredibly uneven and occasionally mortifying. But I thought they were fantastic when I wrote them, and first put them up on AO3, and not one person told me a single discouraging thing about my poor grammar, sloppy spelling, or contrived references. And that means something.

I deal with a lot of “constructive feedback” in my actual work, and I know the value of it. But there is also something so uniquely wonderful about allowing someone to grow at their own pace, purely by encouraging them to keep going and do what they love, exactly the way they want to do it.

I would hope I am a more refined writer now than I was four years ago, but I wouldn’t be writing at all if I hadn’t dared to start somewhere and received the encouragement I needed to continue. So download the pdf and enjoy my humble beginnings, or come with me and enjoy a whole host of new typos in the freshly edited NTW universe. But whatever you do, please know that I remember and appreciate every click, kudos, and kind word you’ve ever said to me on the way. Thank you.

(If you have any questions about any of this, general or specific, please ask me!)

[polzkadotz]

Asas reread their fics - ftayc - part 4

And we’re back to rereading this fic!!!! last chapter i reread was the 7k monster of chapter 3, and this one... oh. Oh, this is also 7k?

wowie

if you want a spoiler to interest you, here we go lmao

we begin with this author’s note bc I don’t think I ever really talked about it here on my tumblr???

It was sort of my first time being recommended, really. I had noticed that my hit count had gone up substantially and I couldn’t understand it, but it was nice??? and then i found the post on the library and I was like Oh. I See.

Whoever it was that recommended me, thank you. Seriously.

But enough mushy-wushy, let’s tackle this giant.

We begin with this exchange, which...

I was trying to be funny and this still makes me smile so at least I amuse myself lmao

Neil needs to free himself of the plot device I pulled out of nowhere and he taps into his reserves of power that he has hid away for, basically, forever. One thing that I wish I had made more clear, which was basically the vitriol going through my mind as I wrote this fic, was that Neil had been cutting himself of his powers and how powerful he was for a fucking long time because

1) he bought into his mom’s reasoning that his father was simply Not Someone They Could Face and Win

2) he had made himself fit into a mold that would “make him survive” but, by doing so, he basically chained himself to a fraction of the three-dimensional person he used to be, which made meeting Jean and finding out that he had become a pet god for a human even worse because Neil could see all the ways they were similar but Neil had been doing that shit to himself voluntarily.

Originally, when I thought about making Neil a god in this fic, I did think about modeling him out of an existing god but also, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to make him be someone who was struggling with letting himself be what he was with his full-potential. Someone who had been cutting himself back for so long he had basically lost whatever sense of personhood he used to have. Someone who had started to get tired of cutting parts of himself and forgetting what he used to be so he would survive for--

What? Survive for what? Neil eventually realized he hadn’t been a person for too long and as long as his father was alive, he would never feel safe to be.

Now that I think about it, Neil was very much me working through my own shit about trying to live as myself at the same time that I had different versions of past me struggling with the person I was becoming. The person I wanted to be.

Anyway, back to the story.

There’s a throwaway paragraph where I sort of tease that Andrew’s dragon is becoming "hungry” and it was basically me trying very hard to foreshadow that the priest thing was going to happen lmao

After battling for two paragraphs against the thought of creating a new priest, Neil gets them back on track to go as far away as its possible for both dragons flying.

Nicky tries to get Neil to talk about the god thing, and I like how I made it clear that even being reminded that he had been a god was something conflicting to Neil.

And then we get to the part where Neil suddenly remembers that he has a lot more money than what he had previously said in the first few chapters, but who cares about plot consistency, am I right? Does it show that this fic was edited hastily? Because I can guarantee that it was :3

They stop in Mumbai, I think (the place is not important for past Asas and honestly... can’t say that’s changed lol). Nicky tries to get Neil to talk more about being immortal and stuff. Neil gives a bit of backstory, as a treat, and Kevin reveals what he knows, as a threat I guess lmao

I kind of imply that Neil only had one priest, which... I remember is not what I put in the sequel.............. so I do recommend you reread your fics before writing a new piece, wink-wink

OH MY GOD I MADE NICKY ASK WHY NEIL’S ENGLISH “WASN’T WEIRD” AND THEN I REPLIED WITH A SENTENCE THAT WAS BASICALLY STRUCTURED WITH PORTUGUESE GRAMMAR AND SOUNDS VERY WRONG IN ENGLISH

Asas... my god, Asas.

Anyway, after a lot of questioning, they eventually go to sleep and, when Neil wakes up from a nightmare, he has his daily fairy tale dose from Andrew, who’s also awake. I gotta be honest, I don’t even remember that fairy tale but it explains the Aaron, Andrew and Tilda.

After everybody wakes up from their naps, they go to their last destination: Tokyo.

Wait lemme check:

when did they leave Mumbai in my story?

when did they reach Tokyo?

yeah, that math totally checks out.

Whatever. As they arrive in Tokyo, Neil splurges even more money on a hotel for the whole crew, even though they had been pretty not nice to him as a whole lmao. But! The boy believed he was going to die, so what was he going to do with all that money?

Nothing, so he programmed an email to be sent to Andrew with the info for some of his bank accounts and fucked off to try and find what his mother had stolen.

Neil gets on a ferry that will take six hours to reach the island where is the volcano that his mother had made him hide his father’s immortality. Neil got nekkid because he wanted to have clothes when he got out of the volcano, you know?

(Also, yes, I’m gonna ignore the other time inconsistency from his travel inside Japan, I was very much pressured by the whole “got recommended on the library” okay, you can judge me through those lenses)

Unfortunately, for him, he wasn’t alone when he finally climbed out of the volcano.

Fortunately for him, this Ichirou Moriyama doesn’t want his father, who is very much interested in becoming immortal, to actually become immortal. Neil explains the whole immortality thingy (I found some typos and honestly? I shan’t fix them. It adds character) and Ichirou subtly kicks Neil’s clothes closer to him, which... I get it, my guy. It’s kind of difficult to have an intimidating conversation when someone’s bits are out and about.

As they are trying to hash out their problem -- as in, Neil’s father told them that Neil’s immortality would be viable to cure Kengo --, Andrew appears blowing his ball of flames onto both of them, and Neil uses his powers to create a pocket that repels the fire, so it doesn’t touch him or Ichirou.

(Why didn’t he use those powers on his clothes, as well? Dunno, don’t poke at my plot too much or it will definitely crumble right into your face, you’re gonna inhale too much dust and die from fandom toxicity, AND THAT’S NO WAY TO REACH A GOOD DEATH)

btw:

Neil, my dude. The dragon thought you were in danger? Chill out???

Neil rages for a few seconds but quickly turns that into a situation to ask Moriyama for his protection against his father, since Neil just technically saved his life.

Oh, and if you think “Uhhh, why would Neil even believe that Ichirou would keep his word?”

Don’t worry, I gotchu:

Ichirou agrees with the deal, for plot reasons. Since he got a deal out of it kind of easily, Neil thinks, “Wait a minute. If I give my father’s immortality to this Moriyama, literally passing the hot potato around, then the Moriyamas won’t be after me for an immortality, my father probably won’t be immortal and come after me as the death machine he used to be and I might be able to use it to free a certain god????”

So Neil uses his father’s immortality to bargain for Jean’s freedom, and he doesn’t wait for Moriyama’s response for that one. He simply hops onto dragon!Andrew’s back and they fly away into the... sunset? Sunrise? Don’t ask me, I clearly can’t keep track of the time passage in my fics.

And this is the end of the chapter!

Let me say something that I hope will be quick: this chapter felt much better written to me then the other three. It’s shaky in places, definitely, and it could’ve gone through a more severe round of editing, but I can certainly feel the positive outcomes of the pressure I felt after my work got a shout-out. This fic had been pretty much geared towards myself, so writing about the world-building wasn’t my focus at all in the other three chapters. In this one, I try to at least explain some concepts I came up with which???? Go me??????

I still wish I had taken the time to work on this entire fic to make it as close to what I had in my head, but in a comprehensive form for the attention that it got, you know? I mean, from the ashes you crawl is still my most everything -- most kudos, hits, comments, bookmarks...  It deserved so much better but also... I like that it feels rough? I like that it can clearly help to contrast the growth of my style or whatever?

It was written after a long, long writer’s block, and it only got edited and posted because I decided to participate in an event for a different fandom and it got me excited about writing again.

Anyway, I’ve talked too much. Here’s to hoping I can contain myself in the next posts lmao

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6

[weekendwritingmarathon]

Editing Your Own Work

Writing Behind the Scenes is a weekly Q&A feature about writing. Submit your writing questions as an ask to get your own question answered.

QUESTION: How do you edit your own work? What methods work best?

@unforth-ninawaters I’ll start with the second question first. There is no editing method that works best, just like there’s no writing method that works best. Finding what works best for YOU as an individual creator can only be done by trial and error.

That said, I approach editing my own work differently depending on whether it’s original fiction or fanfiction. Flat out, I write fanfiction for fun, this is my hobby, and I don’t put nearly the same degree of effort into editing fanfiction because I have zero incentive to do so. But honestly...I’m not sure my method of editing fanfiction would work for me if I hadn’t learned how to edit my own work better by doing my original fiction method, so I’ll talk about that. I finish a first draft. I then reformat it to have small text to minimize how many pages it takes up and print it out in “view comment” format so I have a wide margin to take notes in. Once I’ve got it printed, I stuff it in a binder, grab a colored pen, and read through the manuscript carefully WITHOUT making changes. This is when I flag “big stuff” I need to fix - plot issues, inconsistencies, etc. Once I’ve done that, I go back to the beginning, grab a red pen, and butcher the story. I consider myself a failure as an editor if I don’t find SOMETHING to change in every single sentence. Everyone can be better. While I’m doing this I often rewrite whole sections, and I make sure I address as many of the plot issues, etc., as I can, and mark anything I didn’t fix that’s still an issue.

Then I do it again. And then usually again. And then I send it to beta readers, and then I edit it AGAIN.

Even so I know of about a half-dozen errors in my self-published novel. It’s really hard to get things perfect.

For fanfiction, I don’t bother printing or anything. I just read through from the beginning, catch what I can, and post. If there are minor errors, extra words, or plot inconsistencies...well, it’s fanfic, and while I want to do a good job, folks get what they pay for… <3

@tellthenight Editing is the process after you know your fic has all the pieces you need, those pieces are in the right order and go the right direction. It is NOT rewriting/revising. Editing is another area where people do all sorts of different things, so my editing process may not be your editing process.

On the first pass, I highlight and put comments in my draft without making very many actual changes. I’ll fix a typo, correct grammar, or make simple changes for clarity, but most everything gets a comment. I comment on every single thing I notice, even if I might not end up changing it. I look for clarity issues, making sure the vocabulary of each character fits, blocking issues (how did they suddenly get outside???), etc. We all make silly errors in first draft--that’s what drafts are for and why everything you post should get at least a cursory look before it goes public.

Next, I go through those comments and solve those problems. Sometimes I skip the ones that require more thought and get through the easier stuff first. After I’ve resolved my comments, I go through again looking really closely at my word choices, focusing on verbs, clarity, and vocabulary. I search for my “bad habit” words (so, just, etc.) and get rid of most of those.

When I think I’m done, I usually give one more look for wayward punctuation, spelling, and common word swaps (they’re/there/their, etc.) to make sure there aren’t any glaring errors.

@ltleflrt I have two methods of editing my own stuff.  The first is to put time between the first writing and the editing.  The longer I go between writing it and then reading over it, the less my brain tends to fill in the blanks and I’m more likely to notice an error.  I only use this for fics that I’m not posting a chapter at a time, so like for Big Bangs and other challenges, and I catch quite a bit before I finally send it to be beta read.  My other trick is to start from the bottom and work up.  Because I’m reading things out of the order that I wrote them, I have to concentrate harder on each sentence and I catch more errors that way.  This is my most common method since I usually post things pretty quickly and don’t have patience to wait very long to re-read it.

@treefrogie84 You know that kid back in high school when you were peer editing each other’s papers who would sit there and add in every single comma you were missing and instead of just writing “awkward” or “flat out wrong,” would fix it for you? Yeah. That was me (that’s still me).

Short version: I edit my fic the same way I beta anyone else’s. Except moreso, because most fics I beta only get 2-3 passes and I’m working on pass 10 for my current longfic. I even use the suggestions feature of Gdocs the same way.

The first pass is the big stuff: that passage doesn’t work, that entire scene is unnecessary, what the hell does that sentence even mean. Actually, punctuation fixes are a constant thing. If I know how to fix it, I’ll go ahead and insert the correction into the doc. If I don’t, I highlight it and comment with what’s wrong (I’ve made comments before with ‘just… no’ as the reason or just question marks). Anything to tell me what needs to be fixed when I’m coming back to it in a few days (weeks, months). Once I’m done with the pass, I go through and accept the changes on the easy stuff. To save myself some tears, any deletions over about a paragraph in length get moved to a separate document so the hours of work put into it aren’t just gone.

The comments and suggestions that aren’t accepted because they’re harder and/or require more brain power stay put until I can come back to them. When I do come back to them, I move back to suggestions and just… poke them until they’re better.

Rinse, repeat. And again. At some point, when I have a clean draft, I send it over to my beta. Then he pokes things with a stick, doing much the same process, and sends it back. It’s pretty rare he doesn’t look over things at least twice, sometimes more.

I don’t know if this method will work for anyone else. This is the process that I’ve worked out over years and years (and making my English teachers hate me). I actually prefer using paper for the first pass, but that gets awfully expensive, so I’m adapting to not doing that anymore.

[i-belive-in-books]

So I'm gonna add to this with my own personal experience with this publisher:

My first contact with them was through Mortal Instruments, there was no box at the time, but all the main books were already published, including the Clockwork series, so I bought all 9 books together, all from the same edition. None of them matches in ANY way (not the covers - really, half have this weird glittering thing all over the front and back, while the initial ones have none of that -, not the book's spines, not even their sizes!), but nevertheless, I started reading and I guess I really could liked the story, but there was so many mistakes (not even counting the appearances), but just... there was names wrote differently each time, soooooooo many grammar errrors, and then there was the wrinkled pages, stains from the ink and it got to one point that it appeared that the story didn't even make sense anymore. So what eventually happened was that I keep pushing till book 3 (city of glass) and started reading book 4 (city of fallen angels) but at that time it became too much to handle. Each page it was a different struggle and at the end, it wasn't worth it, that for, I stopped reading any and all work of that publisher and the author (who at that point, I couldn't not associate with Galera Record). It wasn't till much much later, talking to a friend, I noticed that she had a completely different reaction to that series of books, cause she got to read the original ones in English... I finally stared dissociate the author with the publisher, but unfortunately couldn't bring myself back to those books

That's was around 2013/2014ish and it wasn't until earlier this year that I bought another book from Galera Record

I really really hoped that it would be different, fuck I was hoping that it would be a lot better, but here I was again, brought into this madness. I started reading Sarah J Maas and became completely obsessed with her books - fair enough, I started reading ACOTAR and at the time, didn't noticed anything wrong, but just a few months later, all 3 books were already yellowing and the books were all dismantled (I just need you to know, I'm a complete bookworm since I was 11 and I do everything to keep them at the best conditions possible). BUT by then I already had bought the box for TOG, and while mine was not one of the many who arrived screwed up, it still lacked the quality that was expected/promised - covers too thin, with no flap, pages with no finishing and so on - costing at least R$250,00. Yeah it was a real bummer. And again, there we were all over, with the same errors, with typos, grammar mistakes and even the translation wasn't exactly good, having this weird format.

So, we finally got to the last book that I bought from them (Crescent City: House of Earth and Blood) and I'm not exactly sure of how many of you knew of the hell that broke loose: first, all started that they (the publisher) waited till September 28 to release the translated copy (the original one was out in March), so we already had to deal with the delay; second, as you can see in the post above, they messed it up with the translation, BAD - whitewashing and basically erasing all traces of LGBT+ that were there. And you ask me "how do they fix it?", well, they didn't. All they did was promise give the e-book version (2 edition, at principle that all errors would be corrected) for all that bought the first edition. Needless to say, I never received it, but anyway... and that was that.

It is sad to know that all this amazing books and authors are stuck with Galera Record and its poor excuse of editors who are making rape jokes at this point in time. Yes, the books are expensive, yes they have poor quality and yes, they have way too much problems with their translations and professionalism, all of that aligned with the fact that here in Brazil it's still difficult finding new libraries and new sources of reading material (my town has over 100k people and even so, there is just one single library that brings this sort of books and YA literature, so, unfortunately, we have to rely on big sites, such as Amazon, Submarino).

So after all that (I know I wrote a lot, and I don't even think someone is going to be reading this) I just wanted to say that is heartbreaking to know that not even the publisher itself shows respect through its books and readers, and putting prices that absurd and giving back such poor quality it's what gives the fame of our books been elitist. But you know what, we find ways, because we love books and we love to read and it might take a while, but I have to believe that will get there!

Ps.: several authors already responded to the original threat in Twitter, so thank you for taking a position on this and I hope that this means that change is coming ❤

HELP BRAZILIAN READERS

so, in brazil, we have this gigant publisher called ‘galera record’ and and they publish most of the big titles and authors (here’s a list of some authors and books, but there are many more)

the problem begins with the absurd price they put on the books. it’s so expansive, most people can’t afford it. when they released koa (one year after the book was launched) it was cheaper to buy the original, hardcover, signed copy then the portuguese one. but then you say “okay, it’s expansive, but you’re paying for a high quality product, so it’s worth it” right? no.

here are some of the problems we have with this publisher:

1. the translations

i’m going to use a recent exemple, but you can find stuff like this in basically all their books.

they released the brazilian version of house of earth and blood, by sarah j maas this semester, and it was one of the most expected books of the year. they whitewashed ALL the non white characters. Hunt, Fury, Juniper, Isaiah... you name it, they whitewashed. it was absurd. all the fans ware so angry, we made it to the trends and they said that in the next edition they were going to fix it. but if you had already bought it, it’s your problem. you keep the racist copy or pay for the new one.

like i said, you can find things like this in most of their books. here we have Raphael from tmi (Cassie Clare) saying “i’m not gay. i’m not straight. i’m not interested.”, and they turned to “i’m not gay. I’m straight. i’m not interested.”

they literally changed his sexuality

and this is an old book, they never fixed. besides changing characters races, skin color and sexuality (among other absurd things), their books are poorly translated. wrong words, characters names spelled wrong, changes in the original texts that are not necessary or make sense

2. bad quality of the books

besides the poor translation, the books have a low quality. like, really low.

the paper they use it’s terrible and gets yellow with months (in the pictures, 1° one is books that i have for six years from other publishers and 2° have 3/4 years)

we’ve been complaining about this for YEARS, they aways say they will change the papers, but never do.

besides this we have other problems: books with missing chapters, books with the pages glued together, with whole pages missing, the bumps of the books not aligned, literally anything you can think about. and yet they put an absurd price no one can afford

3. lack of professionalism

this one is the most recent one. yesterday, the main editor of the publisher was “talking” against pirate books. i understand. it’s her job. but then she compared piracy with RAPE, RACISM AND MURDER and then made this joke, referring to a case that is running here in brazil, where a girl’s rapist was sentenced with “guilt rape”, witch is basically saying he didn’t meant to rape her. that’s not even legal and it’s so so so disgusting and wrong. we are still fighting to have justice brought to this case and this girl, and the main editor of one of the biggest publisher in the country had the nerve and lack of character to make a joke saying that reading in illegal epubs is “guilt piracy.”, when most people who read in illegal forms don’t have the money to buy books. we don’t have many libraries. it’s either read in epubs or don’t read at all. so besides having no compassion with all these peoples, she used an serious and disgusting issue as a joke.

that’s not the first time she’s involved in cases like this, and yet she was never fired or reprimanded. they just ignore it, because she’s the heir of the publisher, so i guess it’s okay she does this kind of thing

we are basically hostage of this publisher because it buys all the big titles and it’s either give them money or don’t read the books we love so much.

most of us cant read in english or cant afford to buy international copies, so if we want our favorites, we need to buy it from them. the reason for this thread is to ask you to help us bring attention to this. we are tired of the disrespect this is and we want authors to know who their selling their work to, and to know what is happening here. so please, tag the authors, publishers, managers ANYONE you can think of that will read this and be able to do something to help. please. we are so tired of having to deal with this, we just don’t know what to do.

thanks for reading, i’m so sorry for any mistakes, and please share this and tag people

UPDATES: AUTHORS WHO SAW THIS AND MADE A STATEMENT

angie thomas

kalynn bayron

brittainy c cherry

rory power

kami garcia

holly black

v.e schwab

sarah j maas

shelby mahurin

colleen hoover

sabaa tahir

anthony horowitz

aiden thomas

cassie clare

we reached to every author i mentioned and more. thank you so much to everyone who helped us, it means the world to us!

[growinstablog]

Instagram Marketing Fails You Will Not Want to Duplicate! Don’t Make These Mistakes

With over a billion Instagram users to capture, brands and creators are always eager to use the platform for promotions. They can, however, sometimes be so eager that it does not turn out right. Here are six of the common Instagram marketing fails that can happen if you are not careful.

Instagram marketing fail 1: Posting offensive photos

Brands sometimes become fixated with finding the best “Instagrammable” photo that will interest visitors. Because of this, they can end up posting images that audiences instead find inappropriate.

In most cases, they find themselves the laughing stock of users for posting such images. There are also instances where such a mistake ends up triggering a controversy, like what H&M found themselves in with their “Monkey Hoodie” ad in 2018.

While the image itself looked like a normal promotional ad, the caption on the shirt coupled with the choice of model led to an undesirable implication for the public. People called out the brand for being racially insensitive.

View this post on Instagram

@hm u got us all wrong! And we ain’t going for it! Straight up! Enough about y’all and more of what I see when I look at this photo. I see a Young King!! The ruler of the world, an untouchable Force that can never be denied! We as African Americans will always have to break barriers, prove people wrong and work even harder to prove we belong but guess what, that’s what we love because the benefits at the end of the road are so beautiful!! #LiveLaughLove❤️ #LoveMyPeople🤴🏾👸🏾👨🏾‍⚖️👩🏾‍⚖️

A post shared by LeBron James (@kingjames) on Jan 8, 2018 at 3:58pm PST

Dealing with the situation

The best way to deal with this is to take down the offending image immediately, which H&M did. The brand also issued an apology on its social media accounts, including Instagram.

View this post on Instagram

We have got this wrong and we are deeply sorry. Link in bio.

A post shared by H&M (@hm) on Jan 9, 2018 at 4:36pm PST

This was a good move, as while the offensive image was mainly found on their website, it got shared around on social media. People also used the various platforms to express their dismay.

Avoid repeating the problem by reviewing your image before posting. Ask yourself whether it would feel right to your intended audience. Showing it to a test audience first also helps you catch any misinterpretations coming from different people.

Instagram marketing fail 2: Not proofreading captions

Your Instagram captions are also a source of potential marketing fails. In most instances, they are due to typographical errors that were overlooked during editing. Or you might end up including unwanted parts in the captions, which could happen if you are pasting them from a pre-written set. Such mistakes will make you look unprofessional and drive people away as they might perceive you as unreliable too.

Unchecked captions can also lead to controversies if there are inappropriate words and phrases accidentally inserted, like what Tarte Cosmetics found themselves in with this post. The controversy stemmed from the accidental inclusion of a racial slur in the caption.

People could view such an error as intentional and negatively see your page because of it.

Dealing with the situation

When proofreading, don’t just focus on typos and grammar issue. Look for unwanted words and phrases that might result in people misinterpreting your captions. If you are catering to an international audience, be aware of their sensibilities. A seemingly innocuous word in one country might have negative connotations in another.

Do a second pass of your captions after you publish them. You can easily correct typographical errors here by editing them afterward. Read through the comments to see if your audience notices something that you might have missed. Once you spot one, fix it immediately and post an apology for the error.

Instagram marketing fail 3: Posting the same images too often

Reusing Instagram images is a good way to keep them relevant to your audience and gain more engagements, but they can quickly become a marketing fail if you post the same image too frequently, like this one.

People will see it as you being too lazy at creating new content and will lose interest.

Posting duplicate images also makes your Instagram page less discoverable. Your page’s search engine rankings can decrease significantly if you repost an image too often. This leads to even less engagement.

Using the same posting style for the images worsens the problem. Since there is no variety in the content they see, people will find your whole page unappealing. This is especially problematic if you are using your page mostly for product promotions.

Dealing with the situation

Adding variety to your content repertoire is the best way to avoid this. Make sure that you have different image subjects for every post. If you are planning to reuse the same subject for multiple posts, create images taken from different angles and in different backdrops. This gives you plenty of content to use for different posts.

Mixing different content types, even for the same subject, also helps make your page more engaging. Three of the types that you should explore for your Instagram page are:

Videos: You get to put in more information about your subject than with pictures.

Instagram Stories: Owing to their 24-hour time limit, Stories are useful for creating quick engagements on the platform.

Carousels: Carousels are useful for including multiple images in a single post.

Create a schedule for these posts to effectively reuse previous images without them looking like duplicate content.

Instagram marketing fail 4: Using the wrong hashtags

To keep themselves visible to their audiences, many brands ride multiple hashtag trends. The strategy becomes problematic when they start using unfamiliar hashtags. In most cases, your content ends up being ignored by people because it is not relevant to the tag’s subject. People might even feel like you are spamming, leading them to mute all the posts from your page.

You might also find yourself in an unwanted controversy if the hashtag you joined in turns out to have an entirely different meaning than what you thought it has, like what Warburtons found out after posting this promo:

View this post on Instagram

COMPETITION TIME! To celebrate Crumpet Eve by @TomFletcher, we’re giving away VIP tickets to The Christmasaurus Live Shows, plus signed books and even special packs of Giant Crumpets checked over by Tom himself. To enter: – Follow us on Instagram – Upload your best Christmassy Crumpets or Giant Crumpets – Use the hashtag #WarburtonsChristmasCrumpets – Tag @warburtonsuk Competition closes: 5pm Sunday 17th December Ts&Cs in our bio! #win

A post shared by Warburtons (@warburtonsuk) on Dec 8, 2017 at 9:10am PST

It originally used the hashtag #CrumpetsCreation, which turned out to be about people dressing up as animals.

View this post on Instagram

I turned into a mountain goat! #Crumpetcreations #fursuiter #furries #furry

A post shared by crumpet (@crumpetcreations) on Dec 26, 2017 at 8:43pm PST

Due to the backlash, the company had to change the hashtag they used.

Dealing with the situation

Studying the hashtag trend you want to join in first will help you better understand what it is all about. Instagram now lets you follow particular hashtags, which makes it easier to read the conversations and familiarize yourself with the tag’s meaning.

Don’t ride too many hashtag trends at the same time. Aside from looking like a spammer, the audience will see you as a confused brand. Use only 5-6 relevant hashtags to keep your post focused on the right audiences.

Instagram marketing fail 5: Bad comment responses

Your Instagram posts’ comments section can quickly become a place for heated discussions, especially when you receive negative comments about your content. Responding to these comments in a confrontational manner, like what cosmetics brand Z Palette did here, can end up turning off your followers.

Hey @ZPalette y’all okay? pic.twitter.com/3dN1IA1ax3

— kimberly (@oakstrt) February 18, 2017

These disgruntled followers can easily post about their experience with you on social media, causing the incident to become a controversy that will negatively impact your image.

Not responding to negative comments is also a bad move. People will see you as being a snob and not valuing customers, leading them to unfollow. Aside from losing engagement, you end up cutting an important source of feedback. Respond to the comment with apologies, and try to get them to talk to you via email or phone immediately.

Dealing with the situation

Being cordial when responding to negative comments is the best way to avoid a confrontation. Keep your cool and answer each of the concerns thoroughly. Creating guidelines on how you will respond also helps, such as:

Answer @mentions first: Since these comments are directly addressed to you, commenters will expect that you post a quick reply to them.

Remove spam comments immediately: Blocking spammers will ensure that your comments section remains conducive to discussions amongst your followers.

Respond privately: Respond to questions or concerns either through direct messages, email, or phone. People will feel that you do value them if they receive a direct answer.

Post updates about concerns: Tag specific users on your updates to let them know what you are doing about the concerns they raised.

Make these guidelines known to your audiences to facilitate efficient commenting.

Instagram marketing fail 6: Being too salesy with your posts

Brands are on Instagram mainly to promote their products or services, but being too focused on that is a bad idea. If people only see sales-related posts on your page, they lose interest in exploring it more. You end up losing both current followers and visitors who might want to see your page first before following.

This also means that your promotional posts become less effective in creating actual buyer interest. In fact, people might think negatively of your offers, seeing you as being too eager to promote them.

Dealing with the situation

To use Instagram more effectively for promotions, focus on building a more engaging interaction with followers first. Help them get a better understanding of what the page is all about by providing useful niche-related information. You can also answer common questions and concerns.

Once you establish their interest, find ways to make your promotional posts engaging as well. You can, for instance, feature your products or services being used for different projects. Doing contests is another effective way to promote your products without being too salesy.  These tactics encourage people to check out the products more.

Avoid these Instagram marketing fails and be on the right track

Knowing how to work around and avoid Instagram marketing fails is important if you want to keep your efforts on the right track. Some of the fails to watch out for are:

Posting offensive photos: Review your photos thoroughly to find possible points of contention amongst your audience before posting them.

Badly-written captions: Look not only for typos but also stray words and phrases that might be read negatively by people.

Repetitive images: Make sure to create a variety of content, even for the same image subject, to make your page more interesting to look at.

Riding the wrong hashtags: Review the tags you want to join first to better understand what they are about and write appropriate posts.

Responding to comments incorrectly: Be level-headed when responding to negative comments to keep your followers positively engaged with the page.

Being too salesy: Look for ways to get Instagram users interested in your products without pushing them too hard to buy.

Follow these reminders and other Instagram marketing strategies and you can turn your page into a popular one.

https://growinsta.xyz/instagram-marketing-fails-you-will-not-want-to-duplicate-dont-make-these-mistakes/

[hlsummerexchange2017]

Working with a Beta

We got an ask from someone interested in betaing for the first time. Since fic exchanges are popular with both new and experienced writers, and since a lot of people get their first beta experience by volunteering to help with a fic exchange, we decided to put together a post about the process of betaing.

All beta/writer partners work out their own methods of working together, and we are not saying that there is one right way to work together. But we hope this will give people some idea of what betaing means to different writers.

The three of us have experience as both writers and betas, so we tend to switch between those two voices/roles in this post. As such, this post is not aimed at writers or betareaders, but at both.

This post is rather long, so under the cut you’ll find a chat about Levels of Betaing (from developmental work down to proofreading), Navigating Expectations, Suggestions for Where and How to Work Together, and How to Provide/Take Feedback.

Levels of Betaing

Mod 2: In traditional publishing, there are different levels of editing/proofreading. I think problems can arise when the beta/writer pairs want to work at different levels. I’m borrowing ideas/definitions from another site. You don’t have to work in these stages (and some publishing houses don’t), and there is definite overlap between them, but I think it’s worthwhile to label them.

Stage 1: Developmental Work This usually happens pretty early in the work/draft. It’s a really big picture edit, looking at the structure of the work, themes, etc. In fanfic, I tend to think of this as being the stage where you’re bouncing ideas of off someone, brainstorming, maybe giving them an outline, or asking them for general feedback, like which tense should you use, does your characterization make sense for the fic. For me, this often doesn’t even involve actual writing, it’s more talking about ideas. Other times this is when I hand a chapter or scene over to my primary beta and say, “I just need to know if I’m on the right track.”

Mod 1 jumping in here: I generally cling to my pages and wait until it’s in pretty good shape before I hand it over to a beta. But there are definitely times when I’ve written something and I’m not feeling it or I know something is not quite right that I’ll pass it off in the beginning as a sanity check. Am I on the right course? Is this okay so far? Correcting the course early on if I’m not sure about something saves so much time and effort in the end. Sometimes at this stage, I really just need a cheerleader too!

Mod 2 again: Yes! I think cheerleading is big here, and problem solving. If my author is asking for this level of betaing, I think in big ideas. I also purposefully give a lot of positive feedback. If my writer is stuck with something, I ask a lot of questions. Where are the characters coming from? Where are they going? What do they know about each other so far? What are they afraid of… For my style, asking a lot of questions works. But you may also need to make suggestions. If a writer and beta are working together at this stage, you need to feel comfortable giving/getting suggestions, and accepting or rejecting them tactfully.

Stage 2: Content/Structural Work This would happen after the first draft is written. Look at rearranging things, adding or taking things away, saying some characters need to be fleshed out more, look for plot holes, etc. In fanfic, I think of this of also the stage where you make sure the fic is canon/factual if it’s a canon fic. Also, this is where I do fact checking. Does the sun actually set at that time of the day for the season/location this is set in? Is that how a photo is printed?

Some people do this only after the entire fic is written. Others prefer to do this chapter by chapter if it’s a chaptered work. The decision is up to you, and there are pros and cons of doing it both ways.

Stage 3: Copyediting Work This happens after the other editing. This is checking for grammar, spelling, and punctuation. It’s also about being consistent in style (grey/gray, OK/ok/Ok, are you using single or double quotation marks?). By this point, the content itself should be solid!

If I need a Britpicker (someone who gets rid of my American errors), I give my Britpicker the fic after this stage. Still, she always finds missed typos, thankfully. The reason I wait to have a Britpicker until this stage is because there shouldn’t be big changes to make that might introduce new content/Britpicking-related errors. And she acts as another set of eyes for me for the copyedit. Not all Britpickers will also copyedit—so don’t expect a Britpicker to do this without asking.

Reading your fic out loud at this point is incredibly helpful. You’ll find awkward sentences, weird constructions, repetitive phrases, and sections that look good on the screen but feel sloppy in a read. At this point you (the writer) are so close to your own work, and reading it out loud can give some distance and allow you to “see” with new eyes—your ears.

Mod 3: Reading the work out loud is an excellent idea, and it has helped me greatly. I’ll add another step where I actually print the thing out on paper and read it out loud from there. Something about reading it aloud from a different medium makes it easier to find and fix those parts that don’t flow just right.

Stage 4: Proofreading Mod 2: This is the absolute last stage, and it shouldn’t actually be much editing at this stage. Instead it’s checking for typos, text alignment, etc. This is when I save my fic as a draft on AO3, then read the draft on my phone to see if there are quirks in the publishing. (I know you just want to publish your fic, but please at least glance at the formatting on your fic. It’s really distracting when there are double spacing between paragraphs, and for some people it actually makes it extremely difficult to read your fic.) By the way, looking at your fic in a different font or on a different screen can help with the proofreading!

Another way to think about these stages is in the terms of a red-line edit and a blue-line edit. It’s an old term. Red-line editing is all about the content (stages 1 and 2). Blue-line editing basically ignores the content (stages 3 and 4).

A few notes. Most people are not good at doing all of these things! So expecting a beta (whether you are the beta or you are the writer working with a beta) to be great at all of these things is unrealistic. This means if you are a writer who knows your strengths, you probably want to look for someone who is strong in your weaknesses.

Even if you find someone who is good at many or all of these stages, working in multiple stages at once is hard. Noticing big content ideas is a different skill than noticing grammar/spelling errors. This isn’t to say that you might not notice a typo and correct it on the spot, but it’s normal to want to focus on one thing at a time. So give your beta time!

Mod 1: Also! If you have one beta you’ve been working very closely with from the very start, getting another beta to read it in the Stage 2/3 timeframe can be really helpful. Sometimes even your beta is too close to the work to see what might need to be tweaked a bit.

Navigating Expectations

Mod 1: First and foremost, I think having clear expectations is really important. I would hate to jump into someone’s fic and do a deep dive into structure/etc and try to give suggestions for reworking when the only they wanted was a final copy edit. Or, conversely, only give grammar suggestions and not make bigger changes if they were open to it and I thought it could be improved.

Mod 3: Yes, that is a great place to start, to make sure you both understand the need and expectation. Be clear about what you feel comfortable doing as a beta; if your strength is plot and characters, and you don't feel as comfortable digging into grammar, say so. Authors, be honest about what you need, because you don’t want to waste your own or your beta’s time and effort.

Related to this, it might be worthwhile to find out from the author what other people might be working with them, so everyone is on the same page about who is going to be doing what and what their expectation is.

Mod 1: I also think it’s worth discussing up front if you have any history with having your writing critiqued and basically how thin/thick skinned you are. I have had years of weekly critiques of my writing, so almost nothing phases me. If I was betaing for a first time writer, or someone who is not used to having others read their work, then I’d try to be a bit more gentle with my beta comments than I would with someone who might not take it as personally. Not that I’d try to be mean to anyone, but maybe just a bit more delicate with some writers.

Mod 2: I also think that the writer and beta need to be honest about how much time they have. If I’m working under a deadline, I’m going to beta in a different way. I’m going to be far less picky, because I don’t have time to be picky, and my author probably doesn’t have time to make the more time-consuming content changes I’d suggest. (On that note, if you are giving someone very little time to beta something, please make sure that you’re giving them something really polished!)

Mod 3: Sometimes the vibe of the beta and writer just don’t mesh. Personalities and styles can be like oil and water, which doesn’t make for a great creative atmosphere. It will depend on your relationship how the communication about problems will go, but one thing is for sure—it’s never a good idea to ditch your writer in the middle of a project without explaining the reason. As a writer it feels terrible to be left high and dry and have to find another beta willing to pick up mid-project. Communication is key. This is a partnership and it should be treated with some courtesy and respect, and with that in mind, it is respectful to give your beta credit for the work they’ve done, even if they didn’t finish the project with you.

Suggestions for Where and How to Work Together

Mod 2: I like working in Google Docs, and I ask that everyone working on the doc use the “suggesting” button. That way I have to review every correction or suggestion. This helps me learn my own errors/quirks/ways to improve.

When my beta makes a general content suggestion (like “I’m confused about what’s going on, can you rewrite this” or “I feel like I need a little more emotion here”), I don’t just fix it and close out their comment. I rewrite it and reply to the comment with something like “does this work?” Similarly, when I change large parts of my fic, I tend to highlight the section and write a comment like “how does this look?” That way my beta can see where big parts changed, and she can put a little more attention there to see if my rewrite introduced new errors, if it’s still weird, or if it’s better.

Although everyone I’ve worked with prefers Google Docs, as a writer, I’d defer to my beta. If they want to work in Word with track changes, I’d have them do that. Whatever makes the beta’s life easier.

Mod 3: Agree about “suggesting” in Docs rather than straight editing. As a writer it’s nerve-wracking to turn your work over to someone else in the first place, then to fear that the work will be altered and you won’t know why or where on top of that is not a good place to be. Betas doing edits as suggestions means that the author has to accept or reject them, and these suggestion threads don’t go away completely even after they are closed, so it serves as a great record of what changes were made, when, and why. That may not be important on a short fic or oneshot, but in a long chaptered fic it comes in handy.

Mod 2: On that note, since I work with multiple people (like a beta and a Britpicker), I find it easiest to make copies of documents. I have the document I work in. I make a copy of that and rename it TITLE DATE (Larry Fic 022517, for example) and share that version with my beta. When my first beta and I are done, I’ll make a copy of that betaed document as TITLE NEW DATE and share it with the Britpicker. That way I have completely clean documents that are being shared, and I always know which version is the newest. I don’t tend to have two people (the beta and Britpicker) working in the document at the exact same time because it can get really confusing.

Mod 3: So does your document that you work in, that you made a copy of to give to the beta, become obsolete after you give that to the beta? You don't go back and make the beta's changes to it? In other words, that beta document becomes the "real" and "current" version of the work?

Mod 2: Right. Each newest version is current version. Until it’s finally the actual, real, final version that I plunk into AO3.

Mod 1: One thing I like to do as a beta, and I appreciate when my betas do this, is ask questions, and make it more of a dialogue instead of just suggest and then accept/reject. Sometimes because I want to make sure I’m suggesting the right thing and sometimes because what I am suggesting is not the ‘proper’ way to do something but I think it would be more effective for whatever reason, so I might say something like, “What do you think about doing this because of X reason, even if most people would be doing Y thing?” I like when my betas do that because sometimes it gives me a different way of looking at it or it is something I hadn’t considered. And if I’m doing it, then my writer won’t think I’m totally off my rocker for suggesting something that is maybe not so straightforward.

Mod 2: Please thank your beta, especially if they make content suggestions. I don’t care if an author just accepts typo fixes, but a “good idea!” or “thank you” or “perfect” when I’ve made a more involved suggestion is really nice. Betaing takes time, so you can take time to type “thanks.”

Also, if a writer rejects an idea/suggestion, it helps if they tell me why, because it helps me learn their style. I think instead of a flat rejection, this is also where you (as the author) can open up a dialogue. “I’m not sure about your suggestion. I feel like it doesn’t fit ____. But I know you think ____ is unclear. What if I write ____?” Obviously you don’t have to do this every time, but it can help sort out where things are confusing, and I think it shows a level of respect of the beta’s ideas, even if you ultimately disagree.

How to Provide/Take Feedback

Mod 1: The whole point of being a beta is giving *constructive* criticism. This means offering up suggestions and not just saying that something doesn’t work. That’s not to say that betas have all the answers though. It definitely happens sometimes when I’ll say something like “this doesn’t quite work and I’m not sure why, let me think about it” but the intent there is improve the fic, not just tear it apart.

Mod 2: Absolutely agree that this is constructive criticism. I think it’s important to remember that betareaders and writers are on the same side—we want the best possible fic to be published. This isn’t a university class where someone is trying to one-up the other. We’re both trying to make the fic better. That doesn’t mean that we’ll always agree, but it does mean that the goal of the beta should be to give friendly support and suggestions.

I think a big part of that is pointing out things you like, too. “Oh, this phrasing is really nice.” “This is really funny.” And I agree that sometimes the comment needs to be something like, “Something feels off here, please leave this comment open and let me sleep on it.”

Mod 1: YES! Positive feedback is so important.

Mod 3: I remember there was a tumblr post awhile back about this concept, and it really stuck with me: a great way to make sure we are being constructive is to couch the criticism between a few positives. Do point out when you are struck by a particularly well-written section. Tell the writer about areas where they have made you feel something. Even just one word here or there such as “wow” or “nice” go a long way toward making the parts that aren't so complimentary easier to hear.

Mod 2: Related to the above, I think the positive feedback is more important in the earlier stages of betaing, personally (stages 1 and 2, the red-line stages). Because the suggestions at that stage involve changing more writing, and take more time, the positive feedback helps keep me going. As a writer, by the time I’m on the blue-line copyediting stage, I just want to fix errors and publish the dang fic!

Having said that, if I’m basically doing a blue-line edit and not offering as much content editing, I still try to stick in positive comments so it’s not just a sea of typos to fix.

Mod 1: Another thing I think to keep in mind when offering suggestions is that everyone’s writing style is different, and you should try to keep the author’s integrity of their writing style intact as much as possible. As a beta I know I struggle with this and it’s one thing I always have to keep in the back of my head, because when I start to beta, sometimes I accidently try to force my own voice into the sentences, but once I get into it a bit, I get more used to the author’s voice. When I realize I’m doing it, I stop betaing for a bit and just read, and once I’m into the groove of the story then I go back and start to actually offer suggestions.

Mod 3: This is really a good point. My first attempt at fanfic a decade ago was ripped pretty much to shreds by a beta, to the point where most of the character of my writing had been edited out. I was crushed, shelved the project, and didn't write again for years. In other words, I think it's important to point out issues while making sure the tone and personality of the writing stays intact. Each writer has a unique voice, and that's the beauty of reading and writing.

Mod 2: Writer’s voice is so important! You are not trying to polish their voice, not change it. Yes, yes—let the writer’s voice shine through!

If you have any other suggestions, tips, or tricks to help make the betaing process a smooth and enjoyable one, we’d love to hear them. Please feel free to reply or send us an ask with your own ideas. Thanks!

[nanowrimo]

7 Tips to Help You Self-Edit Your Novel

You wrote a novel! Now what? NaNoWriMo’s “Now What?” Months are here—this January and February, we’ll be helping you guide your novel through the revision and publishing process. Today, author Derek Murphy shares a few of his favorite editing tips to help you strengthen your writing:

Before you put your NaNoWriMo novel out into the world, you’re going to need to clean it up. Probably, a lot. Typos, poor grammar, and spelling mistakes are inexcusable for writers, and yet very common. Everybody makes mistakes.

A great editor will always make things better, but they won’t change or rewrite the story for you. They may identify crucial plot holes or character development problems, but they won’t fix them. 

Even if you can’t afford a professional editor, it almost never hurts to have another pair of eyes look over your manuscript. But before you hand your writing to anyone else to read, you should clean it up as best you can, and know that readers will forgive a lot if you can hold their interest with a great story. The following seven tips relate to trends I’ve noticed among new writers. Use them like a checklist and you’ll be able to strengthen your writing.

1. Build conflict and sympathy first.

Your book needs conflict, and your main character has to be sympathetic from the beginning. We need to root for, pity, and bond with the main character, and hate and loathe the opposition. There must be a villain, or a source of conflict, or a foil – somebody who for some reason makes the protagonist feel bad. The protagonist should doubt him/herself, so that through the story they can gain self-confidence and existential security. No matter how cool the action scenes are, if we don’t know who to root for, if we don’t feel an emotional connection to the outcome, we just don’t care. Before I know which characters are good or evil, when they’re all strangers to me, I wouldn’t care if any of them got hit by a bus--which means I’m not invested in your story. Before you can blow things up and have epic shoot-outs, readers need to know, love, and care about your protagonist.  

2. Start with the action.

Almost all scenes/chapters need to start in the middle of the action. Cut out all the lead up stuff. Cut out the explanation, back story, exposition and description of the scene. Start in the middle of a tense dialogue. Start with an attention-hooking line. Start with close-up, focused, zoom-in of drops of blood, sweat, and tears. Hook attention first--then back up, fill in the details, slow down, and set up the next major conflict.  

3. Believable characters don’t flip-flop between extreme emotions.

Usually, people laugh when they’re happy. They're short-tempered and snarky when they are angry. But they rarely “sob hysterically”, “shriek uncontrollably”, or “shake visibly.” People don’t typically let their emotions run wild--especially around a big group of other people. And they don’t often flip-flop between intensely elated and deathly depressed at every minor catastrophe. In fact, people usually don’t react at all when bad things happen--they are in shock. The emotions sink in when they have time to process their grief. So check how often your main character (or any characters) cry, sob, scream, shriek, etc. Experiment with how to portray intense emotional reactions in a subtler way. 

4. Know your grammar.

It’s the easy stuff we tend to miss: It’s/Its, There/Their/They’re, etc. Even if we can spell big words correctly backwards, you’re going to mess the simple stuff up. Use the search/find feature to search for these kinds of simple homophones one by one and check them all. If you notice something else you screwed up, search for it--you probably did it more than once. Also, we tend to have ‘bad batches’--so if you find any errors, super-edit that section, because there are likely to be more errors nearby.  

5. Watch out for adverbs.

Adverbs are bad. They are lazy writing. Anytime you express what someone did and how they did it by adding an -ly (”said excitedly”, “left resolvedly”, “prayed devoutly”, etc.) you’re missing the chance to write well and picking something easy. A lot of these phrases will be meaningless (like “laughed happily”). Or they will be confusing. So use your search/find button for “ly” and track them all down. Does it need to be there? Is there another way you can show how they did something without using an adverb? 

“Said excitedly” = “said, a grin spreading at the corners of his mouth and his body quivering with expectation.” 

“Left resolvedly” = “stamped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.” 

Seriously: search every one and try to get rid of them all. 

Edit: Ok, not all. Some adverbs are acceptable. But get rid of the really bad ones that don’t mean anything. Be aware of the tendency to use them poorly, so that when you do decide to use them, you use them well and they improve your writing.  

6. Be sparing with exclamations.

Now use the find/replace feature to search for “!” and “?!”. This ties into the extreme emotion flip-flopping: most people in everyday life don’t shout or exclaim at every unexpected thing. That means you hardly ever need to use exclamation points. I’ve seen a lot of indie authors have characters saying things like “How dare you!!!” or “Are you crazy?!?!” Lots of punctuation is no substitute for good writing. Not only is it unnecessary, it’s often used to mask over weak dialogue--so searching for your “!” can indicate poor dialogue that you need to strengthen.  

7. Make the narrator’s language fit the scene.

Unless you’re writing a first-person narrative, the narrator should be invisible. So when you use big, strange, fancy, or unusual words, it interrupts the action and draws attention to the narrator. This especially happens with repetition: a novel I read recently used “purchase” in the sense of “to gain traction.” The first time I thought it was a bit odd. By the third time, it had really distracted me from the narrative of the story. You are likely to have favorite words that you like to use, but when you pick a fancy word instead of a common word, it will stand out. Characters themselves can use them in dialogue, but you don’t need to use them. 

A cool online tool you can use to check the frequency of all the words you used in your book is Textalyzer.net. Just paste all your text there and look at the most common words, to see if you have any bad habits you should break.  

Read the full article and 26 more self-editing tips on www.creativindie.com.

Derek Murphy has a PhD in Literature, and was a book editor before specializing in making books beautiful. He’s been self-publishing since 2004, and helps indie authors sell more books through a variety of tools, resources and platforms.

Top photo by Flickr user Caleb Roenigk.

[amazonauthorinsights-live]

Seven tips to help you self-edit your novel

By Derek Murphy

Before you put your novel out into the world, you’re going to need to clean it up. Probably, a lot. Typos, poor grammar, and spelling mistakes are inexcusable for writers, and yet very common. Everybody makes mistakes.

A great editor will always make things better, but they won’t change or rewrite the story for you. They may identify crucial plot holes or character development problems, but they won’t fix them. 

Even if you can’t afford a professional editor, it almost never hurts to have another pair of eyes look over your manuscript. But before you hand your writing to anyone else to read, you should clean it up as best you can, and know that readers will forgive a lot if you can hold their interest with a great story. The following seven tips relate to trends I’ve noticed among new writers. Use them like a checklist and you’ll be able to strengthen your writing.

1. Build conflict and sympathy first.

Your book needs conflict, and your main character has to be sympathetic from the beginning. We need to root for, pity, and bond with the main character, and hate and loathe the opposition. There must be a villain, or a source of conflict, or a foil – somebody who for some reason makes the protagonist feel bad. The protagonist should doubt him/herself, so that through the story they can gain self-confidence and existential security. No matter how cool the action scenes are, if we don’t know who to root for, if we don’t feel an emotional connection to the outcome, we just don’t care. Before I know which characters are good or evil, when they’re all strangers to me, I wouldn’t care if any of them got hit by a bus–which means I’m not invested in your story. Before you can blow things up and have epic shoot-outs, readers need to know, love, and care about your protagonist.  

2. Start with the action.

Almost all scenes/chapters need to start in the middle of the action. Cut out all the lead up stuff. Cut out the explanation, back story, exposition and description of the scene. Start in the middle of a tense dialogue. Start with an attention-hooking line. Start with close-up, focused, zoom-in of drops of blood, sweat, and tears. Hook attention first–then back up, fill in the details, slow down, and set up the next major conflict.  

3. Believable characters don’t flip-flop between extreme emotions.

Usually, people laugh when they’re happy. They’re short-tempered and snarky when they are angry. But they rarely “sob hysterically”, “shriek uncontrollably”, or “shake visibly.” People don’t typically let their emotions run wild–especially around a big group of other people. And they don’t often flip-flop between intensely elated and deathly depressed at every minor catastrophe. In fact, people usually don’t react at all when bad things happen–they are in shock. The emotions sink in when they have time to process their grief. So check how often your main character (or any characters) cry, sob, scream, shriek, etc. Experiment with how to portray intense emotional reactions in a subtler way. 

4. Know your grammar.

It’s the easy stuff we tend to miss: It’s/Its, There/Their/They’re, etc. Even if we can spell big words correctly backwards, you’re going to mess the simple stuff up. Use the search/find feature to search for these kinds of simple homophones one by one and check them all. If you notice something else you screwed up, search for it–you probably did it more than once. Also, we tend to have ‘bad batches’–so if you find any errors, super-edit that section, because there are likely to be more errors nearby.  

5. Watch out for adverbs.

Adverbs are bad. They are lazy writing. Anytime you express what someone did and how they did it by adding an -ly (”said excitedly”, “left resolvedly”, “prayed devoutly”, etc.) you’re missing the chance to write well and picking something easy. A lot of these phrases will be meaningless (like “laughed happily”). Or they will be confusing. So use your search/find button for “ly” and track them all down. Does it need to be there? Is there another way you can show how they did something without using an adverb? 

“Said excitedly” = “said, a grin spreading at the corners of his mouth and his body quivering with expectation.” 

“Left resolvedly” = “stamped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.” 

Seriously: search every one and try to get rid of them all. 

Edit: Ok, not all. Some adverbs are acceptable. But get rid of the really bad ones that don’t mean anything. Be aware of the tendency to use them poorly, so that when you do decide to use them, you use them well and they improve your writing.  

6. Be sparing with exclamations.

Now use the find/replace feature to search for “!” and “?!”. This ties into the extreme emotion flip-flopping: most people in everyday life don’t shout or exclaim at every unexpected thing. That means you hardly ever need to use exclamation points. I’ve seen a lot of indie authors have characters saying things like “How dare you!!!” or “Are you crazy?!?!” Lots of punctuation is no substitute for good writing. Not only is it unnecessary, it’s often used to mask over weak dialogue–so searching for your “!” can indicate poor dialogue that you need to strengthen.  

7. Make the narrator’s language fit the scene.

Unless you’re writing a first-person narrative, the narrator should be invisible. So when you use big, strange, fancy, or unusual words, it interrupts the action and draws attention to the narrator. This especially happens with repetition: a novel I read recently used “purchase” in the sense of “to gain traction.” The first time I thought it was a bit odd. By the third time, it had really distracted me from the narrative of the story. You are likely to have favorite words that you like to use, but when you pick a fancy word instead of a common word, it will stand out. Characters themselves can use them in dialogue, but you don’t need to use them. 

A cool online tool you can use to check the frequency of all the words you used in your book is Textalyzer.net. Just paste all your text there and look at the most common words, to see if you have any bad habits you should break.

A version of this article appeared at

NaNoWriMo

Derek Murphy

Derek Murphy has a PhD in Literature, and was a book editor before specializing in making books beautiful. He’s been self-publishing since 2004, and helps indie authors sell more books through a variety of tools, resources and platforms.

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I start by turning on Tracking and running Word's imperfect spellchecking and grammar checking tool. I know when to agree and when to disagree. This "pre-edit" also allows me to use Search & Replace and maybe Copy & Paste to improve your document's internal consistency before I start reading it.

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Editing, Proofreading, and Other Resources

7 Proven Strategies for Editing and Proofreading Your Own Writing

How To Write A Scientific Paper Worth Reading - A PDF based on the lectures I gave at Chiang Mai University.

Interview with Sharon Hill of WCHL radio in Chapel Hill

The Life of Mr. Chabuduo by Hu Shih - You do not want Mr. Chabuduo to edit your writing.

The Michael Edits Star Wars feed

Proofs and Three Parables by George Steiner - A novella in which one of the characters is a proofreader.

Where Are the Offices of Michael Edits? I created the company in Hong Kong in December 1999, but have since moved to mainland China, then Thailand, then Vietnam, then North Carolina.

Some of my Editing and Proofreading clients

Carl Dickson, PropLIBRARY and Capture Planning: "Michael LaRocca has been our editor [since 2006], reviewing dozens of documents, as well as our weekly newsletter. He has kept us from looking stupid countless times. Working with Michael is easy and friction-free. He has been extremely flexible and helped us meet even our most unreasonable deadlines. He has spoiled us."

Nicolás Antonio Jiménez, Senior Editor at Cigar Snob Magazine, Founding Editor at DADE: "Michael has been editing the copy we publish in Cigar Snob Magazine [since 2008]. We keep stupid hours when we're up against a tight deadline; that, combined with a fully stocked bar just a few steps from our desks (research supplies) means we're making little mistakes often, but seldom catching them all. We've been able to count on Michael, who's a pleasure to work with, to keep our magazine's copy coherent when we are anything but."

Brenda Robinson, First African American female Navy pilot; President of Aviation Camps of the Carolinas Inc.: "Michael continues to save me and my reputation, by making sure what I meant to say is what people actually read. I am so very impressed with his work and his turnaround time is amazing. I don't send out important documents, emails, or a whole book without going through him first. I am 100% assured that all grammar, punctuation, and spelling is perfect before I send it on as complete. He's got my business for life."

Michelle Hill, Legacy Builder for Sports Professionals: "I have read books about ghostwriting by professional ghostwriters that were so riddled with typos, it was painful to get through. Once you think your manuscript is perfect, let a proofreader do their magic to it. You'd be surprised what they catch, and you'll find yourself saying, "How the heck did I miss that?" Professional proofreaders are worth their weight in gold! Mine is Michael LaRocca and he is a gold medalist when it comes to finding the errors that everyone else missed."

Natalia Marshalkina, Lead CRA at Worldwide Clinical Trials, Inc.: "I've had the pleasure of working with Michael on several of my academic projects [since 2011] and I've always been impressed with the efficiency and the highest quality of his work. My task was (and is) to follow the flow, to express ideas, whereas Michael goes through my sometimes over-complicated "final draft" and makes it just perfect - not only by correcting those inevitable spelling and grammar errors, but also by bringing the meaning to the surface. "Yes, this is exactly what I was trying to say!" - but the language magically became more straightforward and easily understandable for the reader. For anybody trying to create a masterpiece in writing - regardless of the topic or level of complexity - Michael's editing is a great asset."

Derek Lewis, Business Book Ghostwriter: "Impressively quick, impressively accurate, and impressively savvy. Michael is my secret weapon. He has saved me from countless embarrassments and faux pas. Nothing I write is fit to show until Michael says so."

Joelle Klein, Health & Lifestyle Writer / Blogger / Storyteller: "Michael is the perfect pair of second eyes for my articles. I find it impossible to edit my own work. When I need something to be perfect, I make sure Michael reads it before I send it out. He's reliable, fast and accurate."

Daniel Schuller, Software Developer, Unity Technologies: "Michael helped me with the technical editing for my book How To Make An RPG. He made the whole experience painless and was a great help. The text quality improved massively. He was very responsive throughout the entire process and it took far less time than I'd expected."

Jens Graff, Associate Professor, Censor Secretariat, Ministry of Education, Denmark: "To find Michael LaRocca as a professional editor was a scoop for me when I needed my English cleaned in a more than 300 page English language scientific dissertation in 2008. He did his work within a few days and related to me for best result. Michael was able to perceive the whole manuscript as it was intended and choose a language that was professional, simple, and fresh. I was extremely satisfied with his work and will use him in the future, when I have serious text to publish." [We've worked together several times since then, most recently in 2017.]

Trish Saemann, Digital Marketing Professional, GoBeyond SEO: "Michael is a very detail-oriented professional who produces exemplary work consistently. We have been using Michael's services since July of 2013 and we plan to continue as long as he'll have us! The nature of our industry requires well-written content for blogs, ebooks and website copy. Nothing can tarnish a document with strong content like spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. Michael is the filter we use before publishing content. He is a vital part of our workflow. It is with great pleasure that I recommend Michael LaRocca."

Erik Calvino, Owner, Cigar Snob Magazine: "Michael has been an asset to our publication since his first assignment with us [in 2008]. His response times, accuracy, and adaptability to our industry vernacular have been his strengths. I highly recommend him."

Andrew Freiburghouse, Founder/CEO, Pronto Tax School: "One of the best in the business! Efficient. Great value. Pride of craftsmanship. Highly recommended."

Iris Benrubi, Simply Success Coaching: "Working with Michael was great! He took great care when editing my work and always had it ready for me on time! I would highly recommend him!"

Kellie Hedrick, P.E., Environmental Process Solutions PLLC: "Michael has been instrumental in reviewing proposals and reports that we issue to our clients ensuring that the information we are communicating makes sense. It is always good to have another set of eyes reviewing information. We appreciate the great work that Michael has done for us."

William Saemann, Managing Partner, GoBeyond SEO: "Michael is a detail-oriented editor and exactly what we need at GoBeyond. We send him everything from blog posts to page copy for editing and his services are invaluable."

Darrell Bain, Fictionwise Author of the Year: "Michael LaRocca has edited my books. His command of the English language is better than mine and I have a B.S. degree."

Building Maintenance Optimization Consultants: Facilities management (FM) consulting firm supporting FM organizations that manage portfolios of buildings for their full life cycles.

Flynn IP Law: Located In North Carolina’s Research Triangle, but obtaining US patents for the planet. Legal services, patent searching, trade secrets, due diligence, licensing.

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TreeceCo Senior Financial Services: Fixed annuities, life insurance, estate planning, Medicare supplement insurance. I've edited their weekly newsletter and all their other correspondence since 2013.

Health Tips From The Professor: I edited both of his books, "Slaying The Food Myths" and "Slaying The Supplement Myths." Then, as a fringe benefit, I followed his advice and got myself healthy.

Matthew Pollard: Business coach (the "Rapid Growth Guy"). Find thesis help and create a sales system to get more customers and close more sales.

About Michael Edits and Michael LaRocca

I gave the long bio its own page. Here's the timeline.

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20 Reminders That May Comfort You When You Feel Anxious

Your heart races. Your body temperature rises. Your hands may shake. Your stomach may churn.

Your thoughts start spiraling to the worst could that happen, and suddenly you feel so unequipped—like everything’s going to fall apart, and you won’t be able to handle it.

It can feel so powerless when anxiety takes over, almost like your brain and body are being hijacked, and there’s little you can do to feel safe or in control.

Except that’s not actually true. Though anxiety can have both physical and mental symptoms, and we can’t just will it away, there are things we can do to calm ourselves.

I know because, like most of us, I’ve been there many times before, and I’ve coped both poorly and well.

I’ve panicked about panicking, believed every anxious thought, judged myself as weak, and tried to numb my feelings with alcohol—these are things I’ve done more often than I care to admit.

I’ve also breathed deeply, observed my thoughts, treated myself with compassion, and chosen to embrace my feelings—more and more often as I’ve gotten older.

Since I know we have a lot more power than we think when it comes to managing anxiety, I recently asked this question on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page:

What’s one thing you try to remember when you feel anxious?

More than 1,000 people responded, which I appreciated both because their thoughts were comforting and also because this reminded me just how common anxiety is. It’s natural. It’s human. But we don’t have to let it control us.

Next time you’re feeling anxious, remember what these Tiny Buddha community members shared:

1. This will pass, and more quickly if you don’t resist it.

It's a wave I must let hit me and ride until it passes. Fighting it prolongs it and turns it into a riptide. ~Lori Craven

If you just let the current carry you to where it will for a little while, the river will eventually spit you out. Just go with it and it's going to be okay. ~Renee Breuer

2. You can and will get through this—and this can make you stronger.

I verbally acknowledge and remind my inner child that it's okay, and “Adult Doug” will take care of it. That's where the anxiety arises from. I know as an adult that my success rate of surviving any crises I've faced is 100%. My little inner “Doug” gets scared and feels anxious, afraid, and insecure, so I just tell him that I have it in control. ~Doug Marcum

I can handle whatever happens. I always have, one way or another. If things don't work out the way I expect then that's okay too. The anxiety will pass and I will be stronger afterward. ~Suzy Wedley

3. You are safe.

I breathe and repeat to myself: “I'm safe. I'm okay. I can take care of myself. I am powerful. I am significant.” Repeating it helps me refocus. ~Ida Zakin

The situation isn't life or death. I'll live to see another day despite the outcome. ~Claire Denney

My mantra: “It's just adrenaline. It can't hurt you. It will pass.” ~Chuck Striler

4. Your body is trying to protect you.

I’m not a dying zebra! I watched something that said stress is a natural part of our fight or flight response, which is helpful if you’re on the savanna running from a hungry lion. ~Jenn Miles

Anxiety is my body's way of trying to protect me. My body has good intentions. It's just a little misguided. I'm grateful for my body's protection. ~Jenny Britt

5. The past and future cannot hurt you in the present.

I try to think about what is causing me anxiety, and it is typically a thought or thoughts about the past or future. I remind myself that I am okay in this moment, and all we ever have is this moment. It helps me. ~Angela Regan-Storvick

6. Thoughts can only hurt you if you give them power.

Since mine stems from thoughts that then spiral, I remind myself that thoughts are just that. They do not have to have meaning attached to them if I do not let them. Let them come in and out and give them no power, no meaning. Do not fuel them but let them come and go. They do not have to be reality, and most times they are not a reflection of reality or my true self, just plain old thoughts, and I do not have to react to every single one. ~April Rutledge

7. Worrying will not change the outcome.

I remind myself that my worrying will not change the outcome—never has and never will. Then I focus on what I'm grateful for, things that are beautiful and wonderful in my life right now. And lastly I repeat this: “I let go and I trust that I am being taken care of.” ~Joie Kreze

8. What’s worrying you is temporary.

I try to remind myself that whatever is causing my anxiety is temporary and if I'm patient, it will be resolved. ~Jess Swanson

I try very hard to remember that for most situations, they will pass whether I get all stressed out or not. ~Karen Jane Lehman

9. You have everything you need.

I try to remind myself that I have what I need: air, water, food, clothing, shelter. Then I remind myself to keep things in perspective and that I can choose how I am. ~Lorna Lewis

10. You’re stronger than you think.

I get anxiety over little things and I have to remind myself of how much I have overcome. If I can get through two brain surgeries, four different types of radiation treatment, Thyroidectomy for Thyroid Cancer, and a left neck dissection, I can get through the little stuff. Sometimes you just have to push through the discomfort of the situation and see it will be fine. ~Sara Ruggiero

11. There's a lot going right.

I concentrate on what positive is going on right now this minute. I am safe, I am not hungry, I have a good job, a husband that loves me, my family is safe and healthy. I keep going until I feel the tension fading. Then slowly but surely I can clear my head enough to take on what lies ahead of me. ~Birgit Gerwig

Things could be worse. I have my health. I try to count my blessings. ~Colleen Tayler

12. You are loved and supported.

I think of all the people who love me. I picture their faces and I imagine myself surrounded by a bubble of love, and as I'm breathing deeply I'm breathing that love in and out. ~Conni Wrightsman

13. Things often aren’t as bad as they seem.

Four by four, how will I feel about this? Will it still seem huge and overwhelming looking back in four days, four weeks, four months, four years? It helps me to put things in perspective . ~Jacqui Learmonth

I ask myself, “Am I, or is someone I love in danger right now, in this moment?” 99.9% of the time, the answer is no, so I do some breathing and relaxation exercises to calm my mind and deal with the situation from a healthier perspective. ~Celeste Rothstein

I ask myself: What are the most important things in my life, and then focus on that. What I am stressing about usually isn't one of the important things. ~Nicole Neubauer

14. You can calm yourself by focusing on your breath.

Give your brain a simple task. Sit and breathe. Stare at a wall. Put yourself in time out and inhale slowly. You are not wasting your time. Thoughts will float into your mind. Let them keep floating. Re-align your spine as you sit. And breathe. Take ten minutes if you can. If you can't, even a minute is better than nothing. ~Dabe Charon

Inhale for four counts, hold for seven counts, exhale for eight counts. ~Lisa Martinez 

Breathe. If that doesn't work I run. It forces me to regulate my breathing. This will calm my body down forcing my mind to calm down as well. ~Carolyn Stennard

15. Trust can sometimes be the antidote to anxiety.

Trust and anxiety are mutually exclusive so focus on trust, whatever you can trust at the moment, and anxiety moves out. ~Alexia Bogdis

16. It helps to focus on what you can control.

“One step at a time.” I tend to become anxious because I worry and overthink things that I can't control and may or may not happen in the future. So I started to think this in my head whenever I notice the feeling creeping up. To take action one step at a time on something that I can control and let the rest run its course. ~Adelia Benalius

17. You don't need to have everything figured out right now.

Sometimes it's not enough to take it day by day. Sometimes, it's hour by hour, or even minute by minute. And if I breathe and stay calm, I can make better decisions to effect positive change with the situation with which I'm dealing. ~Susan Stephenitch

18. Getting it out can help you let it go.

Write it down, get it off your chest, relax, make a plan of attack. Do something instead of worrying. Don't let it take away today's peace. Nothing stays the same! ~Lisa Marie Wilson

19. You deserve your own love and compassion.

Anxiety can often come from a place of judgment of the self. Stop, breathe, and surrender to self-compassion. ~‪Christine Strauss‪

20. You are not alone.

Know you're not alone. Others are struggling with something as well. We're all in this together! ~‪Melanie Rn‪

—

What helps you when you feel anxious?

**Most responses were edited for spelling and grammar, and some are part of larger comments not included in full.

See a typo, an inaccuracy, or something offensive? Please contact us so we can fix it!

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