#eddie is supposed to be afraid of his sexuality not sickness that was put on him by his mother

[boomcrashthelightningflashed]

Okay sooo these are smaller excerpts from a bigger slide presentation(it's 43 slides I won't subject you to that) I've made for shits and giggles that I think pertain to this subject -

Went and Maggie:

In the book, we meet Maggie and Wentworth Tozier, parents to an overactive, loud, boisterous Richie. Went is a dentist and often indulges Richie in his voices, allowing him to do extra chores when he spends his allowance, and is an attentive and loving father. Maggie, though she often wishes she’d had a girl, loves her son despite not always understanding him. Though only appearing in a few chapters in short scenes with their son, never once is it implied that the Toziers don’t love their son.

In the 2017 and 2019 movies Richie’s parents aren’t mentioned, however, Andy Muschetti has been quoted as saying:

"We don't know much about Richie's personality, because he's the big mouth of the group. But we suppose he's also neglected at home, and he's the clown of the band because he needs attention."

Why does this matter?

Why get rid of, or for runtime’s sake imply, that some of the only loving adults in the story are neglectful?

Whether intentional or not, this is a common trope for gay characters. Taking away one of the only loving sets of parents from the character you’ve chosen to make gay (the wrong character to focus this on IMO), is tone-deaf in the worst way. In a story full of abusive parents, it’s a shame to remove characters that could have shown a positive impact on your character.

Eddie's Identity and his Queerness:

Through every interpretation of IT, Eddie can be interpreted as queer. His relationship with Myra wasn’t because of his attraction to women, it is stated explicitly that he is not attracted to her, but because of his dependency on his mother. His encounter with the leper makes it clear what he is afraid of without stating it outright. This diseased man is offering him sex, he is terrified of disease (because of his mother), but his sexuality as well. It's a man, King could have used a woman if illness was Eddie's only fear but he didn't. Eddie is also insulted by It in the boys' showers at his school, It comes out of the drain to insult him. The shower setting is incredibly vulnerable and has been used many times in other media to point out gay characters. There are countless jokes (albeit homophobic and wrong) about public showers, it seems too specific of a scene to ignore. Many of the names and insults Eddie endures both from It and from Bowers, are similar to those later thrown at Adrian Mellon, one of the only openly gay characters in every adaptation. The similarities between the two characters don't stop at their insults either, they are both small in stature, there are several illusions to the similarities in their appearances and both men are asthmatic. Even if Eddie's is psychosomatic, his aspirator and asthma are an important part of his character, it wouldn't make sense for Adrian to also be asthmatic if it didn't mean anything.

The 2017 and 2019 movies ignore those qualities that were often associated with Eddie. The one allusion to his awareness of homosexuality comes in a transition shot in Chapter 1 where he’s riding his bike with the other Losers explaining what his mother had told him about AIDS. However, this is only an assumption as it is never explicitly stated what he’s discussing. In 1998, it was still considered a gay disease, so having Eddie talk about this is telling but a casual viewer wouldn’t pick up on it.

Instead of exploring the subtext of Eddie’s sexuality and how it effects his encounters with It, the movies change Richie’s story almost completely to make him gay. And even then it’s not explicitly addressed.

Changing the Fears -

Eddie:

In the book, the Leper, a physical manifestation of Eddie’s fear of illness, asks to give Eddie a blow job. He’s frequently ridiculed by Pennywise for being “girly.” These are a little more than subtle clues to Eddie’s sexuality. The book was written during the AIDS crisis during which homophobia ran rampant, and although young Eddie was growing up in the 1950s, a fear of homosexuality was not uncommon.

In the movies, however, neither of these things are mentioned. He’s never chastised for being less masculine and the Leper is nothing but a gross-out scene. They took any queer subtext Eddie had away from him and replaced them with “your mom” jokes.

Richie:

In horror media, it’s typically vampires that are used as metaphors for queerness, however, werewolves can easily be used in the same way. Richie’s original fear was the werewolf from the 1958 film I Was a Teenage Werewolf. A werewolf can also be a metaphor, there was no reason to change Richie’s fear to being solely his sexuality. A werewolf can represent the inner struggles, a battle between good and bad. There were ways to make Richie gay without making it his sole issue. The fear of being gay is another common trope portrayed in media, and in a movie about fear made in 2019 it’s kind of ridiculous.

..wait, theres actually a theory that RICHIE, one of the ONLY ONES WITH DECENT PARENTS, has abusive parents??? i thought that was a headcanon

[buddiebeginz]

I just caught up to the current episode of 911. Jesus that ending 😭 I’m pretty sure I sat there and stared at the tv for a good five minutes afterwards in shock right along with Buck.

Okay get comfy because this is going to get long. I have a lot of thoughts on  why I think it’s more likely than ever that Buddie will become canon. I’ve seen a lot of fandom talking about why they feel the same and honestly it’s not surprising given the way that shooting scene played out. But I have some other thoughts I haven’t seen talked about yet too.

--

I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not I think Buddie will happen. I want them to get together in canon and I think the show should definitely make it happen and not just because us fans want it to happen either.

Since Eddie arrived the show has continually written Buck and Eddie in a way to say to the audience there’s more going on there. So I don’t think it’s some far fetched idea that so many of us ship them or want to see them end up together. I’ve shipped many characters who I knew were never going to get together in canon but Buddie has always felt different. It’s not just wishful thinking there’s a lot of substance there provided by the writers.

Still more recently I’d kind of lost hope that Buddie was ever going to happen. Throughout season 4 I’ve been wondering if the show was working on pulling Buck and Eddie in different directions. I figured maybe they were just tired of listening to the fans yell about Buddie. I figured it’s why we had been seeing a lot more of Taylor and Ana and why we rarely see Buck and Eddie and Chris spending time together the way we used to in season 3. It had actually been bumming me out a lot because I miss that dynamic in the show.

---

Last night’s episode changed my mind on that though and not just because of the shooting. I was worried at first when I saw that Carla was meeting Ana because I wondered where this was going. Like was the show trying to solidify Ana as a more substantial part of Eddie’s life now? Were they trying to show that she was important enough to start meeting more of the people in Eddie’s life? But I realized after watching that the whole reason Ana was even included in the episode was for Eddie and Carla to have the convo they did.

Eddie and Carla talk about Carla’s dad. Carla says that she was thankful she got to spend time with him (before he died) and she was sorry she left them (Eddie and Chris) Eddie says “you were where you were supposed to be”. When Eddie says that Carla gets this look on her face like she’s considering his words and thinking about the meaning and responds with a line of questioning that gets her to asking Eddie about Ana. Mainly I think because Carla is one of the people who knows Buck and Eddie better than anyone and when Eddie said to her “you were where you were supposed to be” she was likely thinking so how come you’re not where you’re supposed to be with Buck?

Eddie and Carla talk about Chris and how Eddie had been worried about him (after what happened to Shannon) and how happy he is to have Ana around.  Carla presses Eddie about how he feels about Ana and Eddie simply says “it’s easy being with her” (aka he doesn’t have to be emotionally invested). Carla responds and says she’s glad Eddie is moving on but most importantly she tells him “just be sure that you’re following your heart and not Christopher’s”. 

The show easily could have framed this whole scene in a different way if they were planning on making Ana and Eddie into a more significant thing. Eddie could have responded and said he was following his heart being with Ana. The show could have shown Eddie watching Ana and Christopher with a sense of ease and love on his face instead he clearly looked like he was thinking about what Carla said and it was obvious he’d been running from the fact he was only with Ana for Christopher.

----

The other thing that made me feel like Buddie is much more of a certainty and the main thing I wanted to write this for since I haven’t seen anyone else really talking about it is what’s going on with the other couples and how that correlates with Buddie.

911 is obviously an ensemble show so some characters and ships will inevitably get more attention than others still there’s usually some that are the consistent main. For example Hen and Karen they’re a great couple but I wouldn’t necessarily call them a main couple of the show. To me the central canon couple of 911 is Athena and Bobby and second to them I think would be Chim and Maddie at least in season 4 where they’ve had a lot of focus given the baby storyline.

I think we’re headed towards both of these couples being on the rocks. Clearly Athena and Bobby are about to go through some stuff. I’m hoping Bobby doesn’t die but no matter what their marriage is in trouble at this moment. As for Maddie and Chim I think it’s likely that they’re headed for a postpartum depression storyline so that will probably spell some trouble for them too.

My point in all of this is if you watch the ending of the recent episode right after the argument between Athena and Bobby we saw the shooting with Buck and Eddie. In the promo for the next episode the majority of what we see is Buck and Eddie juxtaposed with what’s going on with Athena and Bobby and Chim and Maddie.

TV shows particularly drama ones like 911 ebb and flow and there’s usually some kind of balance. If you have one or more of your main couples in the middle of the worst times chances are you’ll see other couples in the best times. So while Athena and Bobby might be unraveling which hopefully is just temporary) in the midst of this shooting Buddie might be coming together or at least closer to getting there. More on that below. 👇

----

I don’t necessarily think that Buddie will just magically get together in the last episode of season 4. Part of me doesn’t even want that to happen. I think it makes much more sense for things with Buddie to happen gradually. Besides which nothing in tv ever wraps up that neat and tidy anyway. Shows like 911 thrive on drama so if Buddie is going to happen there has to be conflict involved before they get to that point.

My guess is that this shooting will push one of them to recognize their feelings for the other and he’ll want to tell the other one but something will stop him. I think it could be Buck. Like maybe while Eddie is recovering Buck talks to Taylor and finally realizes/admits his feelings for Eddie, to which she says something snarky like she knew that already. She pushes him to go tell Eddie the truth but when Buck goes to the hospital he ends up seeing Ana there and decides not to tell him. Maybe in season 5 we have to watch Buck figuring out his sexuality and dealing with his feelings for Eddie while seeing Eddie with someone else.

911 could also surprise us and it could be Eddie who realizes his feelings for Buck. We had that scene with Carla and Eddie and it’s clear that Eddie is only with Ana for Christopher. We had Carla telling Eddie to follow his heart. When you look at the symbolism of what happened during the shooting Eddie’s blood ended up all over Buck which is like a trail to this heart (albeit a morbid one) not to mention Eddie reached out for Buck when he was on the ground. So Eddie could wake up and realize the truth about his feelings for Buck and want to tell him but be afraid to loose his best friend. Or maybe Eddie is afraid to change anything now that Christopher seems happy again finally.

There could also just be a scene with them in the hospital or maybe Buck comes to stay with Eddie and Christopher to help take care of Eddie and and  it’s clear the atmosphere has changed between them. Like we don’t get anything super serious yet but there’s something more there and they both feel it but aren’t acting on it yet. Maybe Buck tells Eddie how he felt when he saw him get shot maybe Eddie tells him he reached for him. Maybe they both realize they couldn’t bare to loose the other.

Everything that’s happened thus far with Buck and Eddie feels like it’s leading towards something. It definitely feels like something is going to change with them heading into season 5. I feel like they’re going to leave us on some kind of cliffhanger and then drag out whatever happens next season. Which makes sense as it incentives more people to watch. But I’m more optimistic than ever that Buddie will happen now.

---

I do agree with what others have said that there’s no place really for the writers to go now than to put Buck and Eddie together even if it doesn’t happen immediately. The shooting scene was completely framed like Buck watched the man he loved get shot and they were even wearing complimenting colors which is something I’ve seen done often in movies and tv for lovers. They were staring at each other and reaching out. I mean how do you explain that if it doesn’t lead anywhere?

Not to mention the whole thing was done in slow motion and the scene didn’t focus on anyone else besides Eddie and Buck for a few minutes. It even had an almost a freeze frame with the two staring at each other across the street and since there was blood and the ambulance the whole scene was lit up bright red. And apart from everything else red is pretty much universally known as the color for love.

One other thing I forgot to add was that the convo with Eddie and Carla happened in an episode called Suspicion where people are keeping things from the people they love. The mother keeping things from her bridezilla daughter, Bobby and Athena keeping things from each other, Maddie keeping her depression from Chimney, Hen’s mom keeping how sick she was from Hen.

Why would 911 choose this episode in particular to feature all this important Buddie stuff? That important convo with Carla and Eddie where Carla basically tells Eddie she knows he’s not following his heart. That crazy intense moment with the shooting where Buck and Eddie are just staring at each other like soulmates having to watch the person they love die.

Maybe because both Buck and Eddie have things they’re hiding? Things they’re hiding from themselves and things they’re keeping from the person they love the most. Each other.

[beauregard-s]

Sharing (Bill D. x Reader x Eddie K.)

Pairing: Bill Denbrough x Reader x Eddie Kaspbrak (All of them are 18+)

Word Count: 7k (I’m so sorry)

Warnings: Lots of NSFW material. Includes M/F/M threesome, fingering, oral (fem and male receiving), and unprotected sex. Also includes a bit of a Voyeur!Bill Denbrough and a lot of Dom!Bill Denbrough. And, of course, cursing and dirty talking.

A/n: I don’t even know what to say about this one, but I HAD to write it. I’m kind of insecure, but very happy because I finished it after a long time. It’s huge, I know, I’m sorry lmfao

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I d-didn’t even get st-started, y/n...”

Bill kept acute attention on you and the fucked-out expression you had, his wrist down the waistband of your shorts, his hand inside your soaked panties, and his fingers tracing small circles over your aching clit. You held onto the counter behind your back so hard you could feel the numbness spreading through your hands. You felt the urge to clench your thighs together to get more of his touch, but Bill kept a knee between yours, his face so close his lips brushed against your cheeks and lips here and there. 

You felt like you were tip-toeing on your edge, everything he did plus de thrill of having all your friends right in the next room driving you there. You could even hear their voices in the living room while you and Bill were hidden in his kitchen. You loved forbidden things such as the fear of being caught, and Bill knew that pretty well. And shared it with you.

“Do you wanna c-c-cum, love? I can f-feel you already p-pulsing...” he muttered, teasingly dragging his middle finger up and down your slit, never inside you. “Yes, please...” You purred, eyes on those ice blue ones of his, biting down your lip whenever you felt the urge of moaning loud. Bill smiled down at you so sweetly it didn’t even look like he was torturing you like that. “You will, b-but not now”. That and the way he slowed down so his fingers were barely moving made you whimper and grind against him. Bill kissed your cheek like he was sorry for keeping you so denied like that, but you knew he wasn’t. He loved all of that, teasing and leaving you hanging there, hot for him, just to fuck you senseless on his bed later. He loved that, and so did you.

“You’re so not getting away with this, William Denbrough” you hissed, but that only made him laugh. “I very m-m-much d-doubt it, y/n y/l/n.” 

You smiled every time he’d say your name, simply because he never stuttered saying that. He pressed his whole hand against you and you gasped. He took in the chance of your parted lips to kiss you harshly like he always did. And you two could stay like that forever, but you heard a loud noise that made both of you freeze. 

You looked at the kitchen door and Eddie was standing there, widened eyes and a cup you supposed he had in his hands, now shattered on the floor. 

“I-I’m sorry, guys... Really. I’m so sorry. Fuck!”

And just as fast as all happened, he stormed out of there, while you were still smashed against Bill’s chest, his hand still inside your shorts and your lips raw from kissing. You looked back at each other and you saw his face turning red in embarrassment at the same time you felt your cheeks burning too. But then you both burst in laugher, finally parting away. “Damn, Bill, we scared the shit out of him” you tried to pull yourself together, adjusting your clothes, while Bill crossed the room to get a broom. “I b-b-bet ten b-bucks he will scold us about how unsanitary it is t-to touch ourselves in a k-kitchen. You b-better go and keep him from t-telling the others”.

Bill stayed behind to clean the broken glass and you made your way to the living room, ready to be the target of every sexual line of Richie for the rest of the year as soon as Eddie gossiped about what he just saw, but when you approached the rest of the Losers, they’re shit-talking about Bowers around the Monopoly board on the coffee table. 

“Holy shit, y/n! Where is Bill?” Stan, the banker, fizzed. “Does he wanna buy Park Place or...?”

You frowned at them, surprised you didn’t get the mocking you were expecting. You read each of them, from Beverly sipping on her juice to Mike tapping his cards on the board, and they all seemed unaware. “I don’t know. I think he won’t, he’s almost bankrupted...” Your eyes then landed on Eddie automatically, sitting on his spot at the couch because he didn’t like to sit on the floor, looking nervous as heck. 

His eyes didn’t meet yours, he seemed even more embarrassed than you felt that moment and it made you feel bad. You just didn’t know what was going on. You knew Eddie was kinda... Naive. He once hooked up with a girl at the homecoming and the boys kept making fun of that for months, but that was all he had in his history. You started worrying that you made him too uncomfortable, and now he was grossed out or something. 

As soon as you took your seat again, Bill stepped into the room and, perceiving the ignorance in the air, he raised an eyebrow at you. You just shook your head as Stanley scuffled at him about the Park Place slot.

**

“What the hell happened earlier?” you asked, pulling your top down on you.

Bill sighed and shifted between the sheets, only covered by the fabric once he refused to get up with you. His sleepy voice made you smile, the sight of his bare chest flaunting some hickeys made you shiver. “You t-talking about...?”, “Eddie, Bill. I’m talking about Eddie.” you said, softly. “I mean, after he saw us he was just sitting there, deadly silent. Then he claimed bankruptcy ten minutes later and ran back home”. 

Your boyfriend Denbrough rested his arm under his head and looked at you, narrowing his eyes. “I just ate you out until you screamed, and you were t-t-thinking about Eddie? S-seriously, y/n?”. Yes, he was right and you still felt your knees weak, but he laughed it off and shook his head right after. “I d-don’t know, love... He seemed k-kinda stressed. You’re worried ab-b-bout him, aren’t you?”. You shrugged, sitting down on the bed to put on your beaten converses. “Yes... I mean, Eddie is so high-strung... I just didn’t want to annoy him so much with something so silly. I love him.”

You and Eddie had known each other for years. Not as long as he knew Bill, but still, you had a strong bond. He and Bill met when they were just six, you joined the party when you all were ten. He was the one who you first confessed to being in love with Bill, in the first place. And he was the one who advised you on telling Bill himself. 

“And he loves you too, b-babe.” Bill sat up and scooted closer, his lips meeting the crook of your neck from behind. 

You raised a brow at his tone. 

“What?” “No, I m-mean... Don’t tell m-me you never noticed.” You spun around so you were facing him. Bill looked serious, although a tiny smirk danced on his lips. “Oh, you d-didn’t...” “I didn’t what, exactly, William?”. He laughed at your anxiety. “Y/n, m-m-maybe Eds is head over heels f-for you.” You tilted your head while he kept an eye on your reaction. “No,” you said. “You can b-bet your sweet ass.”

**

Of course the next days felt weird. 

There was definitely something wrong with Eddie Kaspbrak. He’d evade away somedays, making up excuses so he wouldn’t hang out with the group, and when he showed up you noticed how distant he was from you. Bill could keep better with all of this, he was brave enough to talk to Eddie like nothing happened, but you weren't. You were that one kind of person that, when things went wrong, would step back afraid of making it worse. 

So it was what you did. You stepped back and let time solve things.

It took two weeks before Eddie made it to the Clubhouse again. You were laying on the couch, Bill’s arm around you as you had your back against his chest. Bev was sitting right in front of you, at the hammock, while you and Richie made fun of their kiss in the third grade. 

“Don’t be such a prude, Billiam.” Richie teased, walking in circles and messing with Stan’s Rubik's Cube. “He’s not a prude. I don’t know why he’s blushing so much,” you said softly as Bill rolled his eyes. “That’s okay, we kissed when we were kids and I passed the baton to y/n.” Bev laughed and you two shared a playful wink. Richie scoffed, “Good friends share, honey. That’s what they say.” You laughed along with the others when Bill looked down at you, as red as a cherry, but grinning. “Y’all should j-j-just shut the fuck up -” but he got cut off when the trapdoor swung open and Stan went down through it, bringing Eddie. 

“What kind of sickness are you guys humming about?” Stan asked casually. “Heard something about sharing from up there... Fuck off, Richie!”

Stan slapped the cube off Richie’s hands, fingers moving fast, trying to fix the mess, while Eddie moved around looking for a seat. His eyes inevitably drifted over you and you felt that weird embarrassment again. Your legs were occupying the free spot at the couch, your dress tucked in between your thighs so you wouldn’t show your underwear around. You immediately sat up, making room for him, and, with no choice, Eddie walked over and fell by your side.  

“We were just stating that good friends sometimes share stuff, like y/n and I shared Bill.” Bev said and you chuckled over Stan’s expression of disbelief. “You didn’t share, Bill. You can’t call a peck during third-grade sharing.” Richie whistled. “Now we are talking? What do you mean by sharing, Staniel? Don’t be shy, elaborate!”

Stan didn’t even hesitate, leaning against a wood column.

“Threesome”.

The word fell like a bomb. At least it hit you like that. 

Beverly was laughing and Richie was delighted with the dirty path that talk went through. You could feel Bill softly chuckling against you while his fingers grazed your arm. You didn’t understand how could he remain so relaxed over a subject like that when you could feel yourself blushing hard to it. You were not a prude, but now you felt like.

“Yeah, that’s some good stuff...” Richie cooed. “Bev and y/n/n on Big Bill...”

“Beep beep, Richie!” You called out. 

“Oh, I can see you getting redder than a tomato, y/n! Tell us all, are you fond of the idea, or Bill doesn’t like sharing you much?”

“Richie, I swear to God...”

“I’d share you.” Bill said, softly. And he didn’t stutter at all. You looked up at him, dry swallowing your soul, but he kept the cool look and didn’t glance back.

Now even Stan had looked up at you and Bill from his cube and you all stayed silent over some good seconds before Richie broke the ice. ”Well, in this case, y/n, dear, your favorite Trashmouth will always be here for you,” and blew you a kiss that made you laugh even though we were shocked. 

“...B-but I’d do it with someone who d-d-deserved her.” Bill completed.

Richie threw his hands in the air in surrender. “But I'm classified! I’m quite experienced in this shit!” Bev made herself comfortable at the hammock while your mind spun with the chaotic level of that talk. “Are you, Tozier? Tell us then” she teased. Richie nodded slowly, talking dreamily, “Amber Miller and Melanie... Melanie Something, in the bathroom at that guy Trevor’s party”. 

“No way!” Eddie finally hissed by your side, and you knew by his high-pitched tone you weren’t the only one uncomfortable there. “You can’t call it a threesome when one just sucked your dick while you kissed the other, because that’s all you did to those two, Richie!”

“Yeah?” Richie’s eyes widened even more behind his thick glasses “Tell us then, Eddie Bear, do you count chickening-out on fucking Greta Bowie as losing your virginity for real? Because if you don’t, I have fucking news for you, my good man!”

And that was it. The igniting point had been established. Eddie got up and disappeared up the trapdoor the fastest you had ever seen. “Richie...” Beverly hissed, but you didn’t stay to hear the lecture that was about to start. You glanced at Bill and he nodded, so you climbed the stairs out of there. 

The sun was already setting and the light through the trees had an orange tone when you spotted Eddie marching down the trail that’d lead him out of the Barrens. So you followed him and shouted for his name once. You knew he heard you, but he didn’t stop. “Edward Kaspbrak!” his full name would do it, and did. His pace became sloppy and he stopped, turning around to look at you. You stopped breathless at least eight feet apart from him, and the upset way he looked at you broke your heart in half.

“What? Yes, y/n, it’s true. I’m a fucking virgin and I didn't fuck Greta at the homecoming! I left her in her car and ran away! Happy?”

You frowned and shook your head. “No... I... To hell with Greta! What the fuck is happening to you?”. Eddie breathed out. "Nothing.” 

“I swear I’m gonna hit you...” You muttered. “You can’t even look me in the eye, Eddie. It’s been like that since...” 

”Since you s-saw me touching her.” You heard Bill’s voice cut you off from behind you. And he was there, looking at Eddie severely as he approached both of you. 

Eddie looked cornered somehow, and Bill didn’t want to turn things worse, so he also stood a few feet away from you. Not touching or anything. Eddie’s big brown eyes ran from you to Bill repeatedly and you saw his cheeks became flushed, although his jaw was clenched. “You’d not... It’s nothing.” 

“It’s something, yes. What was that? Did you... Did we gross you out that bad?” You grew the courage to ask. “No!” He denied it in a millisecond. “You didn’t gross me out, neither of you did...” 

“So what w-was it, Eddie? You c-can tell us anything, and you k-know that” Bill wooshed. 

Eddie sighed and shook his head. “I just... I’m sorry. What I saw in the kitchen, it was... Overwhelming”. 

You raised a brow. “Overwhelming?” 

“Yes,” he continued, talking fast as he always did, but in a low and mushy tone. “I don’t know why, but it was, I mean... I...” 

“E-Eddie?” Bill encouraged. 

“I have feelings for you!”

Eddie said that with his doe eyes looking directly into yours, and you felt your heart skip a beat. “I always had, y/n... I don’t know why. I’m sorry, Bill.” he whined.

The three of you remained silent for a while. You ruminated all of that, thinking about what Bill told you in his room days before. “I-I already k-knew it, Eds.” Bill’s voice sounded calm, but you didn’t look at him. You looked back directly at Eddie. “It’s not like I’m jealous of you guys, really. I was and am happy you are together because you love each other. And I love both of you. Please, Bill, don’t be mad.”

You looked for Bill’s reaction and caught him shrugging slightly. “It’s okay, E-Eddie. It really is...”

Bill was never too jealous of you. Of course, his dominant traces would make him act up when guys hit too hard on you, but he never seemed to care about Richie’s jokes, or about how close you were to the other Losers. He was very protective, but not jealous. Maybe that was why he was so cool about it while you were panicking? 

He was just standing there, hands on his pockets. You were absolutely weak for the way he most of the time looked so put together although the world was falling apart, but sometimes his bravery turned into some dangerous lack of rational fear. Like now. 

“I wasn’t grossed, nor jealous, I promise. I’m sorry, y/n.”

Your eyes ran back to Eddie and his fists had relaxed, his lips parted. You could clearly see his freckles over his blush and that, somehow, gave you butterflies inside. He didn’t have his fanny packs anymore, but seconds before you swore he could draw his inhaler out of his front pocket any time soon. Now he just seemed pacified. 

“That’s okay” You assured. “It was not your fault, Eddie” The soft smile he gave you warmed you from the inside and you couldn’t help but smile back. 

“You b-b-broke down, didn’t you? When you s-saw her that way?” You almost punched Bill for saying that when you were trying to fix things up, but there was no need. Almost immediately, Eddie whispered a soft “Yes.”

"And t-that’s okay. You’re attracted t-to her. I’m cool with it. Y/n?”

Bill called out your name, but you were frozen while your thoughts ran wildly. You out of nowhere recalled things such as your first fall off a bike, and how Eddie took care of the scratches and cuts on your knees and hands. Or how he used to tease your while y’all played chicken fight at the quarry. He didn’t change much from those times. He was about your height now, still all about polo shirts and the warmest eyes you ever saw. 

“Me too. Totally.” You mumbled.

Eddie seemed relieved judging by the sweet smile he had on. “Nice...” he said, motioning towards the trail “But I’m gonna head home anyway. It’s getting dark and I swear I’m gonna punch Richie in the face if I see him.”

You all muttered ‘see ya’s, and Eddie turned around and resumed his way through the trail. You cursed under your breath and when you heard Bill laughing by your side, you couldn’t help but shove his arm. “Hey! W-what was t-that?” “You’re laughing!” “C-c-course I am! You should see how p-perturbed you look n-now. It’s k-kinda funny!”

You gave Bill a deadly look, but that didn’t completely stop him from laughing. “C-come on, y/n. I k-know you reciprocate him...”Bill said quietly. You wouldn’t deny it. You couldn’t because your heart was raced after hearing Eddie saying all of that, what meant that denying it you’d be lying to your boyfriend, and you’d never do that. "I love you, Bill” it scaped pass your lips, making him scoot closer. “I k-know you d-do. I love you t-too, y/n. And there’s n-nothing wrong with you b-being attracted to Eddie too.” And you knew he was being honest simply by the way his blue eyes met yours.

**

What happened in the woods soothed Eddie down and he was finally opened with you and Bill again. Even more, you would say. 

You didn’t know why, but now it felt like the three of you shared some kind of bond. You were happy that Eddie was stuck to you again, but you felt kinda troubled, though not in a bad way. 

Since that day at the Barrens your mind would throw you images about things you knew you shouldn’t think about. You caught yourself daydreaming sometimes, stuff you considered dirty and beyond limits. You constantly remembered Eddie’s sweet smile or Bill’s hungry looks over you. And, for your disgrace, you started thinking a lot about them together. 

You tried to bury it inside you the deepest you could, but even your dreams at night started to create scenarios that’d torment you.

And Bill somehow knew what was going on.

He was the one who always knew how to read you the best and after you were together, he just got deeper under your skin. He saw it all coming since the day in the kitchen, only by the way you worried so much about Eddie rejecting you and him, or by the way you started getting all flustered whenever the three of you would share the backseat side by side in Stan's car and you were too close to both of them at the same time.

That was why he started pushing your buttons here and there to see what you were made of. Casually leaning more against you so you were squeezed between him and Eddie, and playfully joking about the whole situation when you were alone, until the day you were both at your empty house, locked in your bedroom. You were laying down, moaning his name softly while he had two fingers moving inside you and his lips sucking your clit. Bill held you down and still, firmly, with his arm around your hips when he pulled away to look at your spacy pleasured face, fingers still pumping slowly. 

“So wet for m-me, love... Bet Eddie would love t-the sweet taste of yours just as m-much I do...”

You looked down at him in astonishment, but your body betrayed you, what made Bill smirk ear-to-ear. “I c-can even feel you tightening around m-my fingers...” “Bill...” you whined. “You’re imagining it n-now, aren’t you? Laying against m-my chest while I hold your soft t-thighs apart for Eddie to lick your p-pretty pussy until you c-cum on his lips...”. 

That was too much to take. You could perfectly picture Eddie’s eyes on you, feel how gently his tongue would feel while Bill’s strong hands held you on your place for him. The thought made you go over your edge instantly, and you felt your legs tremble as you came on Bill’s fingers, crying out in pleasure. You felt him chuckling when he started kissing your lower stomach as your climax faded. “What the hell, Bill?!” you panted, hitting his shoulder lightly. “Y-you came so fast to t-the thought, holy f-fuck, y/n...”. You knew he wasn’t angry. He sounded delighted, to be fair, and when he rested his chin on your ribs, looking at you, his cocky smile confirmed that but didn’t keep you from feeling ashamed. 

“You’re awful” you mumbled, covering your face with your hands, but he just pulled them way, properly getting on top of you and pinning your wrists down to each side of your head. 

“We c-could... Share, you know?” he suggested, raising his eyebrow at you underneath him. “Like Stan s-said.”

You bit down your lip for a moment. “It’d be some huge plumper if I told you I didn’t think about it nor even once.” You said, and Bill’s eyes grew dark. “I f-fucking knew it. You’ve b-been fantasizing about us t-together.” “Yeah.” You went straight to the point because something about him pining you down like that had you completely vulnerable. 

“D-do you want it?”  

“Yes... Do you?

Bill only grinned and leaned in to kiss you.

**

As the spring slowly turned into summer, the days were warmer and brighter. On that one, specifically, you were sitting on Bill’s desk in a dark green sundress, shuffling a deck of cards in your hands. Eddie was sitting at the edge of the bed, right in front of you, leaning into an old comic book in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. 

You could tell he wasn’t actually reading, not when every now and then his head would buck up a bit. You knew he was looking at you from under his lashes. Once your dress ran up your thighs when you sat down, a lot of skin was exposed for him to look at. It was not on purpose, but you didn’t mind fixing it anyway. 

It’s not like things between you got much heated after Bill gave you the green light, but you just couldn’t repress your will that much anymore, and neither could Eddie. Nor Bill. The truth is you were already fantasizing about Eddie after the Barrens thing, and now it just exploded inside you, and sometimes you cursed to yourself because all you could think was about being taken by him and Bill on the same bed, at the same time. And you knew Bill shared the idea, he had already shown you that he wanted it as much as you did, teasing you and making up dirty scenarios to torture your imagination.

The problem lied on Eddie. 

He was so tense when it came to... Stuff like that. You knew that he probably wouldn’t accept well the idea of the... Sharing. So you kept it to yourself and Bill, although you couldn’t help the mutual staring contest between you and the Kaspbrak boy anymore.

“Okay, Richie’s not c-c-coming.” Bill stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, interrupting the mute sexual tension. 

“Holy shit, Eddie, can’t you two just stop with all the bickering already?” you chuckled, placing the cards down by your side, once it seemed like you wouldn’t be able to play with only three heads there. Instead, you grabbed the Coke you were casually sipping on.

“Huh, no!” He sat up straight. “Richie was an asshole saying what he said that day, and I don’t take back the promise of beating him up next time he appears in front of me”. 

Bill walked over the chair next to you and sat down kinda sideways, his hand casually resting on your thigh while he still could face Eddie. 

“E-Eddie, really. We all d-don’t give a f-fuck about the Greta thing...” Eddie tossed the comic aside, starting to blush. “Yeah? Because it didn’t happen to any of you! Y’all are just outta there, fucking like rabbits”. 

You choked on your soda while Bill tilted his head back, bursting in laughter. 

“Eddie, dear, really... You didn’t feel like having sex with her, jeez! And you were right in the end. She’s... Greta Bowie.” you puckered your nose. 

“I chickened out, y/n!” 

“Y-you didn’t desire her. T-that’s okay, Eddie. C-calm down!”

You felt Bill’s hand going further on your flesh, squeezing lightly, and you noticed Eddie’s eyes following his moves for a while, almost hypnotized. 

“Eddie?” you called. “It’ll do anytime... Just relax”. He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know...” 

Bill relaxed back on the chair. “W-why is that?” 

“It’s not like I feel hot for a lot of girls around here, Bill.”

Eddie’s eyes met yours right away, and none of you stepped back this time until he looked at Bill with the same intensity. Bill’s hand drifted dangerously closer to your heat now, lifting your dress all the way up to your hips. 

“B-but you do feel turned on b-by y/n” Bill didn’t ask, he stated.

“Yes...” Eddie confirmed.

Bill smirked at you and his hand was out of the game. 

“Of c-course, look at her,” he said, softly. “Isn’t she b-beautiful, Eddie?”

You tried to act cool like wetness wasn’t already pooling inside your panties due to the hungry way Bill looked at you. So, you just wrapped your lips around the straw, sipping on your Coke once more. Eddie almost choked when you did.

“Stunning...” he muttered.

“Should see when I f-fuck her senseless on t-t-this desk.” Bill whispered.

Eddie’s eyes trailed down your body now, like you caught him doing so many times before. You knew he desired you, and the growing bulge you could see inside his pants just confirmed the facts.

At your right side, Bill was casually sitting on his chair, smirking and looking from Eddie to you, from you to Eddie. 

Right at your front, Eddie seemed to be breathing heavily. 

You had a wolf and a lamb. And you fucking wanted both.

So you took your turn. You put the half-empty bottle aside, on the desk, and hopped off it, walking over to the bed, where Eddie was sitting very stiffened. You put each of your knees by his sides, straddling him. You could feel him immediately under you when you settled down on his lap, probably hard and aching judging by the way he whined quietly under his breath feeling your hips against his. 

“Eddie?”

“Mm?”

“Let me be your first” you whispered looking at him, faces inches away. “Let us be your first” you corrected, looking now at Bill. 

Bill had darkened eyes in arousal watching to that, while Eddie had his hooded ones on you, hands going for your hips. You could spot the difference, Bill’s touch was firm, took you over completely, but Eddie’s was so damn soft like he was deeply afraid of hurting you somehow. 

“Do you want that?” He whispered back and you smiled. As an answer, all you did was to let your lips brush against his, a soft peck that was enough to make your heart speed up.

When you pulled away Eddie seemed stunned. Both of you immediately turned for Bill, and he had a blank turned on expression you loved. You could already see the outline of his hard cock inside his pants as he palmed it through the fabric.

“Holy f-fuck.” he mumbled, in pure bliss.

You bit down your lips, or else you’d moan right there to that view of him. And you could tell Eddie felt the same by the way he shifted under you. 

Bill got up and walked closer, he pulled back a few hair strands that fell on your face, fingers brushing against the skin of your shoulder like a permission for something. You glanced back at Eddie and he was not able to hold it back anymore.

You melted into Eddie because kissing him felt better than what you thought it’d be. His lips were soft and he kissed you slowly, one hand now running through your hair. You could hear Bill’s groans next to you as he sat down by Eddie’s side and next thing you know is that they were switching places and Bill’s lips were on yours. Eddie was now focused on kissing down your neck, making you shiver as Bill had a hand on your waist and his tongue dominating yours. Soon enough you were down onto the mattress.

You were soaked, and the way they kept exchanging places all over you only made it worse. You had Eddie’s loving kisses, then Bill’s intense ones, then Eddie’s again. That was wrecking your sanity. 

You were pressed in between them, feeling Bill grinding against you from behind, and grinding on Eddie’s thigh once he had a leg between yours, his lips now going for your jawline.

“Holyshit, y/n, holyshit...” he kept whispering, what made Bill chuckle against your shoulder when he nibbled there.

You felt your boyfriend’s tentative fingers going for the little tie on your waist that kept your dress around your body, and you quickly made the first move, pulling Eddie’s shirt over his head. Bill somehow managed to untie your dress and it unfolded off you. You shivered under the thin air, and under Eddie’s heart eyes to your now almost naked figure kind of underneath him.

“As I-I said, Eddie,” Bill’s hand now caressed your hips, playing with your panties' waistline, “b-beautiful...”

Eddie breathed heavily and you felt your cheeks burning pleasantly, his eyes running down your body as he pulled some inches away to look better at you. 

“Can I touch you, y/n/n?”

You couldn't help but chuckle at how amazed he sounded. “Of course you can, Edward,” you rolled your eyes playfully before taking his hand and guiding it closer. “I want you to.”

You placed his hand in between your breasts and his breath hitched again. Bill moaned quietly, spooning you while watching as his best friend run his touch down your stomach and up again to gently grope one of your breasts. 

You reached behind and slid a hand down Bill’s unbuckled jeans, finding him fully hard and, when you wrapped your fingers around him, he groaned again and sought for your touch. You felt him exhaling against your neck when you traced your thumb around his precome wet tip.

Eddie had his attention split between your body and Bill’s probably very pleased expression, and suddenly he leaned in and took a nipple of yours between his lips, sucking it gently. “Fuck, Eddie...” Bill sounded amazed, and all you could do was let out a not-so-quiet moan.

Eddie sucked and licked each of your breasts and you clenched around nothing, that sweet tension building in your lower abdomen. You ran your fingers through his hair and felt the strawberries scent of his shampoo while leaning back to reach Bill’s peppermint tasting lips. Bill pulled your thighs slightly apart, only enough for his hand to fit in between, his fingertips tracing your clothed slit’s contour, making you roll your hips and moan against him.

You had your nails scratching lightly down Eddie’s chest, feeling his lips going further and further, all the way down your chest and all over your belly. The unexpected contact of his teeth on a spot of your waistline made you whimper loud into Bill’s kiss.

“Holy fuck...” you moaned, and Bill grinned, pulling his hand out of the way. 

“E-Eddie?” Eddie hummed in response, looking up. “D-Do you want t-to t-taste her?”

“Yes, please... I mean, do you want me to, y/n/n?”

You nodded, unable to form words to his doe eyes looking up into yours, fingers lingering over your underwear as he was dying inside to take them off. He smiled and Bill left his spot, pulling himself to sit up against the headboard. He quickly got rid of his shirt and patted down the place between his legs. You crawled into his arms, falling back against his chest, and he immediately wrapped his arms around you. Eddie scooted closer and gently pulled your panties off, then Bill splattered his hands on your inner thighs, keeping them apart so Eddie could lay in between them.

The view alone was enough to make you falter and it just got worse when Eddie immediately leaned down on you, dragging his tongue all the way up from your slit to your clit. You moaned, letting your head fall back on Bill’s shoulder as he kissed the sweet spot on your neck that was enough to weaken your knees. You could hear him hissing lowly, probably eagerly watching Eddie eating you out. You’d eye down at him occasionally, but most of the time you could only close your eyes, feeling that agonizing pressure growing inside of you as Eddie’s tongue and lips worked their way. Bill whispered here and there, telling him to go slower or lighter and you knew the bastard was trying to delay you, instructing Eddie to lick you only enough to make you hover your edge.

“Eddie, please...” you whimpered, looking down at him sucking lightly on your clit. Bill echoed by your ear. “G-go ahead, Eds. M-make her cum.”

He sucked harder, tongue then swirling faster and rougher through your folds. He immediately made you come undone on his mouth, your hands pulling the sheets while Bill shushed you.

“Shit, I want to fuck you so bad...” 

You smiled at Eddie’s low muttering, sure you looked pretty fucked out now, still panting and clenching alone.

“Do you want me to ride you, Eds? Just like I ride Bill?” you teased.

He nodded frenetically coming up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself through his lips. You perked up and turned slightly to kiss Bill now. 

“Let me suck you too, please?” You begged against his lips. Bill’s blue eyes smirked at you in the dirtiest way that made you bit down your lip. “Always, b-babe.”

You were nervous about that, but the three of you seemed to coordinate just perfectly. Bill stood up by the side of the bed and kept a hand through your hair while you pulled his jeans and underwear down. He kicked them aside as you wrapped a hand around his cock, pumping it a few times before turning for Eddie. 

He laid down next to where you were sitting and got rid of his pants. He looked fidgety when it came to him being so exposed to you and Bill, but when you straddled his hips it seemed to vanish away from his thoughts. 

You also expected to feel flustered in the middle of all of that, but it was the complete opposite. You had Eddie under you, his little grunts filling your ears as your pussy brushed against his hard cock, and Bill standing up next you, his thumb contouring your lips right before you suck on it.

You felt amazing. 

Bill always made you feel like the most beautiful and desired woman on Earth, but that was different. That was a whole new level.

You slowly lowered yourself on Eddie, guiding him into you and feeling him stretching you out since he was more on the thicker side, while Bill had more length. He howled while every inch of him slid into your warmness, his fingers digging into your hips. 

“Fuck, y/n, feeling so good...” 

 You stayed still for a moment, feeling dizzy and adjusting to him as Bill ran his fingers through your hair. You went for his cock, fingers around its base when you caught his wet tip between your lips, making him groan and throw his head slightly back. 

You took Bill deeper into your mouth at the same time you started to softly bounce up and down on Eddie. You didn’t know how, but you managed to set up coordinate paces to please both of them, hearing their groaning and cursing filling the room. The smooth sound of your hips against Eddie’s, alongside the slippery one of you lightly choking around Bill was the most sinful thing you ever heard.

You found out you loved it way too much.

“Such a g-good g-girl, y/n/n. So g-good for us, b-babe” Bill praised, looking down at you fucking one of his best friends. You were clenching so tightly around Eddie, making him moan out loud, grabbing handfuls of your ass as he watched you sucking Bill so skillfully. 

Your legs started to weaken, so Eddie thrust up into, and you suddenly reached your high again. You moaned around Bill’s cock and the way he kept his hips from thrusting into your mouth was enough for you to know he was holding himself back. Eddie, on the other hand, kept fucking into you through your peak and a few moves later, when you pulled away from Bill for a sec, he released inside you. Eddie’s eyes shut closed as he came, his lips parting while you still moved your hips slightly around.

"Holy fuck, holy fuck...” he kept humming. 

You looked up at Bill and no words were needed. You slid down to Eddie’s side just for Bill to come for you, pulling your legs up and apart, pressing your thighs against his chest while the slid into you giving no time for adjustment. You still felt Eddie’s cum inside when Bill started to pound against, hard and deep, making you whimper due to how sensitive you felt now.

Didn’t take long until you earned yourself another orgasm, this time around Bill, just a few thrusts before he groaned loudly and pulled off, coming all over your thighs. All of that while Eddie still breathed heavily by your side and grinned at both of you. Your whole body trembled when Bill left you and fell onto the bed. The three of you just stayed like that, laying side by side, panting and occasionally cursing under your breaths. 

“Y/n/n, are you okay?” You heard Eddie whispering by your left.

You couldn’t help smiling to the ceiling hearing the sweet worried tone of his.

“Totally okay, Eddie Spaghetti.” You answered, and Bill laughted by your right side. “What about you? Are you okay?”

You tilted your head just in time to see him rolling his eyes at the nickname he hated so much, but still, he smiled back at you. 

“More than okay. Bill?”

You turned at him now, and he had his eyes closed and a satisfied smirk on his lips.

“Am-m-mazing.” he said, peacefully.

You chuckled at his expression and sat up, looking around for your forgotten dress and underwear. “W-what are you d-doing?” Bill mumbled and you recognized the sleepy post-sex tone of his. “Gotta clean up, I'll be right back.” 

You grabbed your clothes and walked over to the door. You peeked outside for a moment, but the quiet hallway indicated the house was still empty, so you made your way to the bathroom. You didn’t mind closing the door while you leaned back against the sink and cleaned Bill’s cum off your inner thighs with a smirk on your face, trying your best to pull yourself together even if you still felt Eddie’s inside you and your legs trembled way too much.

You slid your panties on again and put on the dress again, tying it tightly around your waist. When you turned to face the mirror, you had messed up sex hair, kiss-bruised lips, red cheeks, and some slightly red marks all over your neck and chest that you couldn’t tell who they belonged to. 

“D-did we mess you up t-t-too much?”

Bill appeared at the doorway when you were running your fingers over a fresh hickey right under your collarbone, pulling his shirt down his head, pants on again. You smiled softly, approaching him. 

“Just the perfect amount.”

Bill smiled down at you, pushing back some hair strands of yours before kissing you softly, just the way he’d kiss you after you two had pretty rough sex. When you parted away, Eddie was leaving Bill’s bedroom, buckling his pants up, his whole face still red.

He looked up at you and Bill, and you all stared at each other for a while, before bursting in laughter. You went for him and said nothing before scooting closer and kissing him too, a sloppy kiss while he smiled against your lips, hands on your waist. 

When you pulled away, he scratched the back of his head, looking even more flustered than before, but blissful.

"Y'all swear the others won't hear about what happened here." He said.

"Never!" You and Bill answered in unison and he went ahead. "It'll b-be our secret, E-Eds."

That made your grin mischievously at both of them, already very fond of the soreness you were feeling between your thighs cause you knew you'd feel it more from that day on. You walked past Bill, to the stairs, your stomach roaring lowly. 

You could hear Eddie muttering to Bill as they followed you downstairs. "Although I'd pay to see Richie's face if he heard about our Sharing." 

[amelia-pinches]

TW// SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE

I found some things that I find to be extremely disturbing and wrong today, and I wanted to address them. These posts have content containing rape and sexual assault. I included the posts because I think it’s important to talk about, however, if they are too upsetting or triggering for anyone, let me know. I blocked out the usernames in those posts because I do not want any hate going towards those accounts. Most of those accounts are deactivated or inactive anyways, but there is a chance that the people who contributed to those made new accounts. If that is true, I want to say that I like to believe people change and grow for the better. I do not hate the people who posted this, despite the fact that I am utterly disgusted. I do not know these people. I do not know how old they were, nor do I know what they were going through when they made this. I do not know who they are today. I like to think that they look back on that, and they are disgusted at it. I like to think that they have changed and are a different person now with different beliefs. If you are one of the people, please know this isn’t meant to be a “cancel” post or a hateful post. However, I cannot see that, and pretend that I am not utterly bothered. I cannot pretend how it hurts me, as a sexual assault survivor. I cannot pretend that it doesn’t paint a damaging image of sexual assault and rape. Therefore, I think it is necessary to talk about it and address it to the fandom. The HOA fandom has done wonders for me since I recently joined. I genuinely consider some of mutuals as friends. The people I have met in the HOA fandom have been some of the best people I have ever met in my entire life. I do not think that these posts accurately reflect anything for the HOA fandom, in the past or present. Please note that this post contains very heavy topics and may be extremely triggering for some to read. It is triggering me for me to write about it. The pictures included may not be graphic, but they are upsetting and disgusting. 

I was trying to find screencaps of K.T. for a twitter mutual when I came across this account. The account seemed harmless enough; some of the posts I found to be quite amusing, actually. Then, I came across this photo of Rufus holding Patricia by her arms with his hand over her mouth. In the corner of this photo was a “Brazzers” logo. When I first saw this, I froze. I couldn’t believe my eyes. To implicate that would be consensual in any way is awful. Furthermore, it brings up the question on how this person feels about rape and sexual assult. Often times, in porn and in media, there is this perspective of rape that makes it seem like it is just another form of sex. I will not hate on anyone if they have a headcanon that Rufus raped Patricia. If I am being honest, that headcanon helped me cope in a way. Seeing my favorite character being able to heal, and for my own personal headcanon/hoa world, to see her become a strong woman who has healed from her trauma has helped me cope and heal with my own trauma. If you are someone who does not like this canon, I respect that and think that is 100% valid. What I will NOT stand for is the glorification of this headcanon.

I decided to look at the reblogs on the post to see what people were saying. What I found made me sick to my stomach.

“Is there something you need to tell Eddie, Patricia?” To suggest that would be something other than rape and that is something to tease someone about, like it is a dirty secret, like it is an embarrassing hookup story or a crazy night. The response was by an account acting as Patricia, to which it said, “I think I’ll leave that to ‘your uncle’”. This frankly boggles my mind. I do not know how to describe it, if I am being honest. There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t know where to start. I do not know what the perfect sentence would be to explain why this isn’t okay, or how damaging it is. I do not how to concisely describe my thoughts and feelings on this. This sad part is, this wasn’t even the worse thing I read. When someone is raped or sexually assaulted, it makes them feel worthless, dirty, cheap. It changes your life. It affects how you view others and how you go about situations. It affects how you see yourself. It affects your entire life, and some people never truly recover. 

For “Patricia” to blow it off like it is nothing, worries me. I am worried because I am afraid people don’t understand how ruinous rape and sexual assault is on a human being. It worries me because I know first hand how it can destroy you, and others see it as nothing or as if it just a variation of sex. 

It is common in media to have this portrayal of rape. It is glorified and romanticized. It can be subtle or direct; sometimes it is just a slide remark made by a character or person, or sometimes a rape victim will be shamed or ridiculed for being raped. We take in this perspective as we grow up, and consequently, it shapes the way we view people. It causes us to dehumanize the victim rather than the rapist. 

Its why I want to reiterate that I do not hate the people who made this, nor do I see them as bad people. They probably were young and didn’t understand the gravity of this. They, like many of us, were ignorant because of what we are told and what we see. I think many people forget that the support towards victims as been very recent. The Me Too Movement may have started in 2006, but it didn’t become viral until 2016. Before then, survivors coming forward with their stories were very rare and people almost never believed them. A vast majority of people blamed them and/or shamed them for coming forward. It wasn’t really until 2017 with the Me Too Movement that we, as a society and culture, really saw a shift where people were coming out with their own stories, and where they were seen as valid. It is important to note that while today there are many people who are supportive of rape and sexual assault survivors, there is a still a good portion of people who belittle them and try to invalidate them. 

With that being said, I will talk about the next post I saw. This post made nauseous. My heart when I saw this because it is clear whoever made this did not truly understand rape. They did not truly understand how serious rape is. They did not understand that rape is not a joke. I think the best way to describe it is ignorance. 

In case y’all do not remember, Nick did a season 2 interactive web where they made connections to everyone in relation to their involvement with the mystery and sibuna/secret society. This person changed the relationship of Rufus to Patricia from “Kidnaps” to “Rapes”. The caption was “fixed the connections.” 

I know it may be hard to understand because I blocked out the usernames, but I’ll explain what each reply is. “WHAT EVEN?” is a blog acting as Eddie. “...” is a blog acting as Jerome. “..uhhh...” was a blog acting as Patricia. The one asking what the picture is about is a random blog as far as I can tell, probably genuinely asking what is about, but since so much time as passed since this post, it is possible the url changed. The last one is another blog posing as Eddie. 

There was another set of replies which was this:

The first comment is supposed to be “Eddie”. The second one was supposed to be victor, or it could have been another url at the time. The last one was supposed be Eddie again.

I don’t know what the first one is. At first, I took it as they all saw it as a joke, and were responding as they would imagine the characters would respond. (NOTE: No character accurately written would respond to this in manner). However, looking at it again, it could have been their way of maybe being uncomfortable or disagreeing with it. Except for the last one posing as Eddie, that one I know they took it as a joke and were making fun of the situation. 

As for the second one, I am once again lost for words. The casual use of “rape” scares me for the same reason it worries me. I think it is obvious who made this and commented on this saw rape as a joke and/or saw it as sex. Sex and rape are not the same. The second comment talking how its a small world because “Jerome’s uncle” raped Patrica and how it somehow all leads back to Eddie really angers me. The thing is, if you took the use of rape and replace with “Had sex with” or any variation of that, it would have the same meaning and tone as the original. That is very dangerous. Then the final comment where Eddie is upset at Patricia for not telling him about being raped is just tacky beyond words. It is cheap and ugly.

The overall tone of rape being a joke and the use of the word acting a synonym for sex is poisonous. It disparages what rape really is. It shrinks it down and changes its meaning. I do not blame the people who made this and commented this. Instead, I blame the way rape culture as taken over media and our lives for decades, centuries, generations. I blame the rapists who have power that put that attitude out there. It would be negligent for me to say these people had no responsibility or liability for posting this. However, I feel it would more negligent for me to say this is just them; that these people are the only ones who have made this jokes and who have believed these misconceptions about rape. 

There were other posts made by the account that I considered posting, however, I don’t want this to be a callout or an attempt to barbarize. The accounts that made that and commented were people. People with flaws, and people with assets. People who were susceptible and vulnerable to harmful media.

I don’t know who made these posts. I do not know if they ever faced backlash or consequences. I do not know if these people are still even in the HOA community. I didn’t scourge 2011 HOA posts to see if anyone else made posts similar to this, or if anyone called them out on it. I didn’t ask anyone who is was in the fandom at that time if anything happened. I don’t know if they still hold these beliefs. I don’t know if they even remember making these posts. It is why I blacked out their names. 

The people contributed to this are both culprit and victims of a much larger issue. On one hand, they were manipulated by media and rape culture. On the other, they help perpetuate it. It is why it needs to be addressed.

I am fairly new to the HOA community. I know that some day my blog will become a lost blog deleted by bots. I know some day people won’t remember a lick of what I posted or who I was. I know this. I know also that behind the screens, we are all just people, with our stories and lives. I know that we all have made mistakes and have said things that weren’t okay because maybe we didn’t know it wasn’t okay or at the time, we were too stupid to care. I know in 5 years none of us will be the same person we are today. I know none of us are the same person we were 5 years ago. We grow and change, sometimes for the worse, but I like to think we eventually change for the better. 

These comments and posts made are just small flecks of similar posts made during that time, before that time, and still today. Rape jokes, pedophilia jokes, sexual jokes about a person’s body are all jokes that are made today. And they will be unfortunately made tomorrow. The way we make change is by informing people of what the true nature of these crimes are. We share stories, and support survivors of sexual assault. 

I mentioned that I was sexually assaulted. It is very hard for me to talk about, and I try to avoid it. However, today, I was reminded multiple times of how I am still traumatized by what happened to me. Yesterday, I planned on never really speaking out about it except for once in a blue moon. Today, my plans have changed. The truth of the matter is, I have been sexually assaulted many times. Many of those times I didn’t really realize what happened until much later. Even recently, I am now remembering something that happened to me as a child that I blocked for 14 years. Recently, I am now realizing how all of these have affected me and made me who I am today. I don’t think that if the Me Too Movement took off in 2017 that I would have ever realized. I don’t think that if I didn’t see other people sharing their own sexual assault stories that I would ever have the courage to post this. 

This is my own personal story and journey. I debated posting this because I still hold the fear that I would be judged or hated for speaking out. However, the things that have happened to me today have caused me to want to overcome that fear. My goal of sharing my own story is that it either helps anyone who is debating sharing theirs or to anyone who may need to hear someone’s story to be educated on rape culture. In the end, I talk about the events that happen to me today leading up to me discovering the posts, and why I felt it was necessary to talk about it. I know for some people it could be triggering or harmful to read this, so I put in italics, if anyone so chooses to skip over it. If you have made it this far and you don’t want to read my story, that is fine. I urge you to however to skip it and read the ending. 

When I was 14, I was desperate for friends and well, attention. I never had many friends growing up, and I never was considered attractive. I know it seems so trivial and ridiculous to care about something like beauty. Growing up, I had a lot of body image issues and self esteem issues - its something I still struggle with today. I didn’t have many friends, either. I was either too abrasive and weird, or in some cases, I didn’t have much in common with kids, thus boring or uninteresting. I was the weird kid in elementary school, then the emo kid in middle. My last year of middle school, I really started to want to be seen as a “girl”; I wanted to be seen as “sexy” or “attractive”. I wanted to be seen as someone who was someone you wanted to be around. I felt that before, nobody had seen me as such. I don’t know if that is necessarily true or false. However, that is how I felt.

 When I entered high school, for what seemed like the first time in my life, people were paying attention to me. People were complimenting me, and I was making friends. They weren’t all good friends, but, in my mind, they were friends. People who I thought liked me. I was getting hit on, which didn’t happen much before. I became addicted to the feeling of being liked and desired. For the longest time, I blamed and hated myself for that. I beat myself up for years because that strong desire to be desired led me to awful situations. For a while, I saw myself as what others, mainly men, saw me as: an object. I saw myself as a tool for entertainment, and I genuinely thought that I was here for the pleasure of others, not my own. 

I didn’t realize at the time that those boys weren’t into me because they liked me. They were into me because I was an easy target. I was an incoming freshman who was extremely insecure. Within the first semester, I was manipulated and tricked into many situations, most of them being sexual. I gained the reputation of being a “slut” or a “whore” by some of the people in my school. I was miserable. However, towards the end of the semester, things were starting to get better, or so I thought. 

A boy(I will call him R from now on) who had been a mutual friend of my friends asked me to hang out, I said yes. I honestly wasn’t looking for a relationship or a hookup, but rather, I was looking for a friendship. I had just started dating a guy, and we had been two or so weeks in. That night, he sexually assaulted me. After that, it happened two more times in the days following. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell people the details of what happened or the full story. Partially because I have blocked so much of it out that I don’t remember that much anymore; I remember bits and pieces, but not everything. The other reason being because of what happened when I eventually spoke out.

A week later, I had told my boyfriend at the time. He had accused me of lying, and he told me that I was just saying he that so I wouldn’t have to admit I had cheated on him. After that, everything is a big blur. I remember R would text and call me constantly, demanding that I tell everyone I was lying. He harassed me constantly. I remember that many people who were my friends had turned against me. Almost everyone I had met had told me I was lying. When I went to a guidance counselor, she told me that I should be more careful hanging out with boys alone. There had also been people who had criticized me for not wanting to take it to court. They had told me that if R was guilty, he would be charged. When I told him that a court wouldn’t charge him (something the guidance counselor told me), they used it as proof to me “lying”. There were also people telling me that I was asking for it, and I deserved it. 

Eventually, they left me alone, for the most part. There was a group of people who had “supported” me. I started to pretend like it never happened. I quickly got a boyfriend, and acted like everything was fine. I thought that if I pretended like it never happened, everyone else would just forget about it. However, internally, I was seriously struggling. I was extremely suicidal and depressed. I found out months later the group I thought were my friends were actually the ones telling everyone and spreading rumors. Every action I made was used as proof of my supposed guilt. There was only one person who believe me at the end of the year.

Over the summer, I begged my parents to let me be home-schooled, which they didn’t let me. I didn’t go on any social media because when I did, I would see posts about me, talking about how “I lied about being raped”. I felt worthless. When I returned for my sophomore year, I remember I walked into my Algebra 2 class, and one of the main girls who had bullied me was in it. I remember she looked at me and grinned then walked over to a friend of hers and loudly whispered in his ear, “That’s the girl who lied about being raped.”

That year, I did everything I could to try and mend it. I attempted to become friends again with that group, including the girl. I did my best to forget it; however, nobody let me forget. I remember I was on a class trip with the best friend of the main bully and R, and we talked about it, briefly. I remember I was saying answers very vaguely, hoping she would eventually give up,I remember her saying, “Well, I heard it was because you lied about being raped by R.” I don’t remember what I told her after that. I honestly can’t remember what happened after that at all. 

I was constantly making friends then losing friends that year. I became defensive; I was constantly attacking anyone who I thought threatened me. I really began to have trust issues, and I ended up assuming the worst of some of the only good people in my life. Everyday, I came to school so anxious and scared. Towards the end of the year, I found a friend group, to which I was friends with for practically the rest of the my high school experience. I was known to be a hothead (which to be fair, I am) because the moment someone would insult me, I would go off on them. I figured that if I couldn’t defend myself then, I would do it now. I also never spoke about my assault again, until recently. I told two people from my high school friend group;  over the summer I told one person, and a few months ago, I had told the person to which I had been closest to since sophomore year. I have never told the rest of the group. I was always afraid that they secretly knew and they thought I was lying. I also was afraid that if I told them, and they already didn’t think I was lying, they would.

Truth be told, I don’t know if everyone I knew thought  I was lying. I was told everyone did, but that could have just been a way to make me feel powerless. I assume everyone does though .Even people who would have no idea that it happened, I assume they think I am lying about my assault despite the fact there is no way for them to have known. I’m still paranoid.If  I see people who were in the same group of friends or who knew the people who hurt me, I become 14 all over again.  The trust issues I got from that experience I still struggle with today. Because of my experience, I have self image issues. For the longest time, I assumed that if something happened, I would get blamed. I assumed that everyone was against me. I am working on that, and I have gotten a lot better, but it is still something I struggle with. Speaking out is very hard for me, and I don’t know if I could ever speak out publicly.

The reason why I included about my life beforehand, how insecure I was and how I wanted attention because for the longest time, I blamed myself because of those reasons. I felt like if I hadn’t been like that, none of this would have happened. I blamed myself that because I had sex prior to my assault, it somehow was my fault or that I somehow deserved it. I was a 14 year old girl who was scared, insecure, and lonely. I was manipulated and demonized. The people who hurt me were hurting themselves. I know this, yet I still question my experience and blame myself.

The reason why I wanted to call attention to these posts is because earlier in the day, I had been scrolling through my Facebook. I was trying to find something from my past, and I ended up going through my old feed. Reading posts I made during the time I was assaulted brought back old feelings. I found myself feeling so scared and powerless again. 

For some reason, I was compelled to look at the profile of the main girl who told everyone I lied about my assault and saw she came forward with her own assault, and how many people thought she was lying about her assault. I debated reaching out to her; I knew how she felt, but that was also because she made me feel that way. 

Two hours later, I came across those posts. I was already shaken up by relieving my trauma, and when I was those posts, I felt numb for a second. I was shocked, hurt, disgusted, and angry. Since HOA came out, I have always gone to it during times of need, even during the time of my assault. Some nights, I would reread fanfiction and look at any tumblr posts I could find. Doing this helped me cope with my life at that point.

When I saw those post, I felt like I had to say something, as a HOA fan and as a sexual assault survivor. The tone and content in those posts makes rape to appear to be the opposite of what it is. They glorified rape. The act as if rape means the same thing as sex. 

Awareness of sexual assault and rape victims along with their validation is improving. However, rape culture is still very ingrained in our culture. Many people do not know accurate facts about sexual assault and rape. Many people try to debate what is sexual assault. In order for change to happen, we need to recognize how rape culture has influenced our society and start making the victims and facts a stronger influence.

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Married at first sight reddie au part 2

Summary: Richie and Eddie’s honeymoon

A/N: this is a part two, I hope you enjoy it. Again this was based on mafs Australia, so I don’t know if this is how it goes in all the variants of the show. Please let me know what you think! 

warning: there’s a curse word in here somewhere, there’s also a very brief mention of (not) having sex 

tagged: @juhavs

Eddie didn’t think he would, but he absolutely loves Hawaii. Richie and him had arrived only two days before, but he could safely say he had never laughed as hard before in his life.

Richie was the funniest guy Eddie had ever been on a date with. Although technically he was already married to the man.

He wasn’t always funny, as he made an awful lot of mom-jokes, but overall, Eddie would say he really did deserve the fame he got from being a comedian. Richie was a great guy, he never even asked what the whole mom debacle at the wedding had been about. instead he had told the camera’s that it was all part of a game he had thought off, trying to spare Eddie the embarrassment. When Eddie had profoundly apologized on the plane, the only time they weren’t being filmed, Richie had just shrugged and said that it was ‘cool’. And that he understood that some parents just weren’t all that accepting.

There was so much more to it that Richie didn’t know, but Eddie didn’t want to tell him all about his childhood, especially considering they had only known each other for five days.

Eddie had thought it would be awkward, that he wouldn’t be know what to say, but with Richie conversation just seemed to flow naturally. It helped of course that Richie wouldn’t ever shut up, even as it was already midnight. Eddie would never tell him so, but he cherished those moments. The camera wasn’t there, and Eddie didn’t feel like he had to keep information from Richie. He found himself wanting to kiss Richie at random times, but his fear of Richie’s germs stopped him. That was just an excuse Eddie knew, because when Richie initiated the kiss, Eddie didn’t hesitate to reciprocate.

When Eddie was growing up, he had always suspected that everyone disliked him because he was so sick. He had convinced himself that nobody, or at least most people, wanted to be his friend because they were afraid that they would contain what he had. When he found out that he wasn’t really sick, thanks to one of a routine control test he had to take at work, he figured it had nothing to do with that, it just had to do with his personality. His childhood was very vague, he barely remembered anything about it. He was pretty sure there was a group of kids that would sometimes talked to him, but with all the time he spend inside, he knew that there was no way that they were close.

Eddie didn’t necessarily hate himself, but he did dislike a lot of things about himself. He hated how he couldn’t sit down in a chair without wiping it off at least 10 times, how he sometimes got so irrationally angry or worked up it even scared himself, and he despised how he let his mother just walk over him. He knew he should stand up for himself, but it was hard when all his life he had been thought to agree to everything she said. He hated how when he felt a little sick he would immediately panic, thinking the worst. Eddie had assumed Richie would hate those things about him too.

It seemed that Richie was the complete opposite of what Eddie had suspected. When they arrived at their hotel the first day, Eddie had refused to take a shower without cleaning it himself, and Richie had watched him do it in amusement. He had offered to help Eddie, but Eddie had thought Richie was making fun of him. That almost turned into a fight. Eddie had watched Eddie with a frown, his eyes lightly sad because Richie had seemed like a nice enough guy to not laugh at him in his face.  Richie had looked confused, his mouth falling open slightly, before shaking his head frantically. It looked almost comical. ‘I didn’t mean it like that Eds’

Eddie had believed him. Still, he hadn’t wanted Richie’s help, he wanted to do it in his own. Instead of reentering the bedroom, Richie kept Eddie company the entire time it took for him to clean the shower. He never made him feel like an idiot for wanting to clean the shower. After seeing Eddie’s pinched look when he ate on the bed, he stopped eating there as well. He seemed to be able to read whatever Eddie needed or wanted to do, which was weird sometimes, like when Richie just ordered him a strawberry milkshake, even if he had no way of knowing which one Eddie would prefer.

They slept together too, although Eddie had insisted on a wall of pillows between them. There was only one bed, and Eddie had said he’d sleep on the couch, but Richie had convinced him that there was no need to do that. For some reason, they’d always end up destroying the pillow wall, waking up with Richie slightly on top of Eddie, with their legs tangled together. When they woke up, they didn’t talk about it. Eddie was glad that the camera’s didn’t film them in that position.

They had slept together, but they hadn’t slept together yet, in the more sexual meaning of the word. He didn’t know if Richie was just respecting him, or if he didn’t feel any attraction towards him. Sometimes he wished he could hear what Richie was saying about him in interviews.

It wasn’t all great, Richie could be annoying at times, and they bickered constantly about anything. The second day that had bickered about which restaurant they were going to eat in, and the third day Richie had wanted to go in the sea while Eddie tried to persuade him into staying in the pool, because that was way more hygienic than the sea. Still, it was endearing and it made for some pretty interesting topics to be discussed.

When Eddie watched Richie clean his hand thoroughly on the second day of their honeymoon, he finally dared to reach for Richie’s hand. All his life Eddie had shied away from people’s touches, only ever being touch when it was to scold. But he was determined to break that mindset with Richie. He tried to do it subtly, in the middle of a conversation, but his face turned tomato red, and he knew Richie could see how much he was stressing out.

Richie himself, stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth finally stopping for a few seconds, before gripping back tightly and continuing on as if nothing happened. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Richie’s face mirrored his. Ever since they were holding hands all the time.

His mother was probably going to have a fit when she saw it on the show, but Eddie couldn’t care less. He was still nervous around the camera’s but Richie seemed to be aswell, so it was alright.

Eddie locked eyes with himself in the mirror, fixing his hair on last time before nodding and walking out of the bathroom without looking back. It was the final night of their honeymoon, and Richie had planned a nice romantic dinner on the beach. He had left earlier saying he had to prepare the table, which Eddie found funny, because really, the restaurant would normally take care of that, Richie was just being extra.

As he was walking towards the spot where he and Richie had agreed to meet, he let his eye wonder the resort for the final time. The hotel had been top notch, complete with a build in spa, an arcade, a full sports facility. Their hotel room looked out upon the ocean and the beach, and Eddie would secretly check Richie out when he took his morning swim.

He was going to miss this place. It was nice to get away from the busy schedule of a normal week, so Eddie was glad for the vacation. He hoped he and Richie were still going to get along when they went to their assigned apartment. In last year’s season, Eddie had seen how many couples broke apart because they found the other applicants more attractive. He sincerely hoped that wouldn’t be the case here.

He saw Richie sitting at as table at the beach, and he was wearing an Hawaiian shirt, his favorite Eddie was sure. When Richie opened his suitcase, Eddie saw that he only had the same ugly Hawaiian shirt in his suitcase, only in different colors. Eddie had teased Richie with it, and he hated to admit it but it did look really good on Richie.

Richie chose that exact moment to look up, seeing Eddie stand a few feet away, and excitedly jumped up. He was smiling, adjusting his glasses as he gestured with his hands.

‘Welcome to casa del Tozier, Eds.’ He said with a smirk, and he seemed really proud of himself.

‘It’s a restaurant you dumbass,’ Eddie teased, following it up with a quick, ‘and don’t call me that.’

Richie just smirked, trudging back towards the table with Eddie following closely. Richie had really tried his best. There were rose petals on the table, a flowers bunch with sea shells. There were Blue napkins, who honestly looked as wrinkled as Eddie’s grandma, but he did appreciate the gesture.

‘You went to a lot of trouble. Thank you.’ Eddie told him sincerely. Richie rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, suddenly losing his nerve.

‘It was nothing’, he replied instead. ‘I hope you enjoy the flowers, I was supposed to get them for your mom but you know since I’m here with you’, Eddie rolled his eyes playfully. ‘Gee thanks Rich, how did I ever get so lucky to be paired with you.’

They laughed, and Eddie nervously glanced at the camera’s currently pointed at him. Richie must have sensed his discomfort, for he bumped his knee against Eddie’s sending him a little smile.

A waitress for the hotel interrupted them then, putting a plate of oysters in front of them. Richie looked at it in disgust, until he noticed that Eddie was looking at him.

‘I ordered for us already if that’s okay, it was my day to choose remember?’

Eddie did remember, he and Richie had agreed that they each had every other day to choose an activity for the day. It was almost creepy has well they seemed to know each other. On his first day of choosing, Eddie had decided to visit the arcade in the hotel with Richie, watching as he was completely enwrapped with a game called street fighter. When Richie got his chance to decided what they would die, he came up with the idea to play baseball, which Eddie refused at first. It turns out that Eddie was really fast, and he really did enjoy playing baseball. He saw Richie looking nervous, and it warmed his heart that he had tried to make this meal as good as possible. Even though Eddie hated oysters.

Eddie smiles slyly, picking up on of the oysters. He swallowed it quickly, trying his best to keep his face neutral. ‘Actually I’m allergic to oysters.’

He watched Richie spit out his food, his face turning a pale white. ‘W-w-what?’ He asked, his voice shaking. Eddie hooted of laughter, tears nearly streaming over his cheeks. Once Richie realized that Eddie was just playing him, he laughed too. When the main dish came, fucking spaghetti, it was Richie’s turn to crack-up.

The dinner was great, despite the fact that choices were a little off. Eddie enjoyed every single meal, though he did recoiled when he saw a piece of spaghetti dangling out of Richie’s mouth. For dessert Richie did pick an Hawaiian dish. It was called Guava chiffon cake. Eddie was nervous for trying it, because he wasn’t used to consuming a load of sugar at the same time, but Richie managed to persuade him to try it, and Eddie absolutely loved it. It was light and creamy and sweet, and Eddie had never thought he could like a dessert that much.

After the meal, when the evening was coming to a close, one of the producers arrived with what they called ‘the honesty box’. A box full of questions which both Eddie and Richie had to answer honestly. Eddie went first, his hand shaking as he reached for one of the questions. It took a few seconds for his vision to focus. ‘Are you here for the right reason’, he read of the card, locking eyes with Richie straight after.

He wasn’t worried about this question, because he knew that Richie was a genuine guy. Richie smirked at him, ‘well to be honest Eddie Spaghetti, I joined for your mom’, Richie answered, but he was interrupted by Eddie. ‘No, no, beep beep Richie, answer straight right now.’

Richie’s smile fell off his face. ‘What did you just say?’

Eddie balked, panicking straight away. He wondered what he said wrong. ‘I... I’m sorry.’

Richie shook his head, plastering a smile so fake even Eddie could tell it was a hoax. ‘It’s okay’, Richie said, reaching across the table to rub his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles.

‘I joined because my manager wanted me to join, and because I was really tired of just being by myself.’ Richie confessed.

Eddie wasn’t surprised by that, Richie had admitted it too him in the car ride to their wedding venue, just as Eddie had admitted that his mother was the reason he was here. The next question was a bit harder for Richie to answer. ‘Do you think you could fall in love with me?’ This time Eddie was really interested in what Richie’s answer would be.

He glanced straight into the camera accidentally. He found it difficult to look straight into Richie’s eyes, and he saw that Richie was avoiding his aswell. ‘Yeah, I think so. Almost as much as I love your ass.’ He grinned. Eddie grinned too, though he did his best to hide his smile behind his hand, instead letting a groan.

Then it was Richie’s turn. He picked up a card, pretending to drop for comedian purposes. ‘What was the worst experience in your life?’ He read, tossing the card onto the table before reaching for his drink, as if he was giving Eddie some time to think about the question.

Eddie didn’t know how to respond. The answer was pretty clear to him, his childhood with all the doctor visits, but he didn’t want to tell Richie that yet. Sharing that piece of information that was closest to him, that fear that was deep enrooted in his heart, was terrifying. The weight of the inhaler he was carrying, which he didn’t even need was getting heavier by the second. He didn’t know if Richie would be turned off by his scars, by his baggage that he took with him, so he lied.

I didn’t have any friends in high school. I mean I’m pretty sure I didn’t have friends as a kid, I can’t really remember, but I’m high school it was really rough.’

It wasn’t exactly a lie. High school was hard on Eddie, just not the hardest part of his life. Richie leaned forward on the table, and when Eddie realized what he was trying to do, he leaned forward too. Their lips met in the middle, and they shared their shortest kiss yet. Richie’s lips were chapped, but for some reason that made him all the more endearing.

Eddie loved kissing Richie, it was like he could feel every emotion poured in the kiss. When Richie swiped his tongue over Eddie’s bottom lip, he opened up, allowing Richie to deepen the kiss. It was like they knew exactly what the other liked. ‘I’m sorry that happened to you Eds, I can’t imagine not wanting to be friends with you, you’re way too hot to be left alone.’ Eddie halfheartedly shoved at Richie’s shoulder. ‘Don’t call me that asshole.’ The rest of the night went by without a bump in the road.

When the night came, Richie started building the pillow wall between them again. While Eddie watched him from the bathroom, waiting until they were alone before getting rid of all the pillows. Richie looked at him in surprise, having no idea what was happening. Eddie places his hand on Richie’s cheek.

‘I think we don’t need that anymore.’ Richie agreed eagerly. Scooting over to make more room, Eddie slid beneath the soft blankets, instantly shuffling closer to Richie. He placed his head on Richie’s chest, while Richie threw his arm around his shoulders. They shared a goodnight kiss, before they finally settled in.

Richie presses a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. Eddie let out a sigh, twisting his fingers in the sheets beneath him. ‘It was my mom’, he said, long after he thought Richie had fallen asleep. ‘I know. You don’t have to explain right now.’ He couldn’t put in words how much he appreciated him in that moment.

‘I’m afraid that the others are going to find me boring,’ Eddie told Richie honestly. ‘What if one of the others are more interesting?’

Richie grabbed his hand. ‘Don’t worry Eds, no one could ever compare to my Spaghetti.’

‘You’re a dick,’ Eddie laughed, but he was reassured at least a little bit.

And when two days later, he met five other amazing people whom he would eventually become an amazing group with, than that would only be a plus to the whole experience.

[beepbeeprichiellc]

Pink Lemonade

Summary: Richie Tozier finds himself in a sticky situation and is forced to hide in a closet for safety. He wasn't expecting to find the space already occupied, and he defiantly wasn't expecting to enjoy the company so much.

A/N: *Warnings: Homophobic Comments, Sexual Situations/Themes.* The boys are in their senior year of high school, so 18+. I love Richie's mouth in this one, he is so sassy!! Might consider part two if people like it, if not no biggie.

Word Count: 2009

Masterlist

Part: 1 (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

The boy’s loud, lustful moan echoed against the concrete walls. Richie felt his hair being pulled as his pace quickened, knowing his already busy mouth would soon be overwhelmed. He snuck a glance at his partner, his half lidded eyes casted upwards in complete bliss and it took everything in Richie’s power not to smirk or crack a joke. The climax came quickly, forcing a sour taste down the trashmouths throat. He cringed, pulling away.

“Fuck that was good.” The large football player moaned, doing up his jeans and pushing himself away from the bathroom wall.

Richie nodded, giving a thumbs up as he walked to the sink and spit. Running the water he washed out his mouth, feeling the salty flavor cling to the inside of his cheeks. “Glad I could be of service.” He muttered, smirking over to the bulky boy. “Next time we should switch.” He joked, chuckling to himself lightly, knowing that the likelihood of him getting off was just as about as good as this losers chances of an academic scholarship.

“I’m no faggot.” The football player hissed, glaring at the lanky boy before him.

Richie turned off the faucet, raising his eyebrow, “You kind of are, I mean I literally just got you off.”

“You sucked my dick, you’re the faggot not me.” He retorted harshly, his rationality adding up poorly.

“Hmm.” Richie looked over to the jock and smiled, amused by his homophobia despite what he had practically begged him to do yet again. “The way I see it,” He mused, confidence brimming in his eyes. “If you orgasm from the stimulation of another man then you my good sir, are gay.”

“You better watch what you say Tozier.”

The warning merely slipped right passed Richie as he continued, “I mean does your cheerleader girlfriend know what you’re doing afterschool in these here bathrooms?”

“You better shut the fuck up, or I’ll-“

“I’ll have to ask her if having your dicked sucked by another male makes you homosexual or not. I’m curious about her opinion on the subject.” Richie saw the jock move and instantly threw himself to the side, allowing the oversized senior to crash into the sink. The buffoon let out a loud protest before rebounding and bolting towards the other boy.

“I’m going to fucking kill you trashmouth.” The football player bellowed, following Richie as he bolted through the bathroom door and out into the hallway.

Their footsteps screeched against the tile floor, becoming the only sound in the empty school. Richie knew he was faster than the tank behind him, who had at least seventy pounds on his lanky ass, but he also know there weren’t too many places to run to in such a small high school which meant he needed to hide.

He cut down the hall leading into the lunchroom and heard the jocks steps fall behind. Taking the opportunity he rushed into the nearest janitor’s closet, closing the door behind him tightly. His heart ponded against his chest and he let out a slow, desperate sigh of relief.

“This room is taken.”

Richie nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of the small voice, he quickly turned around and met the chocolate eyes of a petite boy, his face swollen and bruised. The boy tried to continue but Richie quickly covered his mouth to silence him. Moving his finger to his lips he motioned for the kid to stay silent, the sound of the jocks footsteps becoming louder and louder.

There was a slew of curse words following the noise of the jocks heavy breathing. Richie smirked as he passed the closet, continuing down the hallway before turning the next corner. He chuckled lightly, feeling a weight lift itself off of his chest. “Damn, I thought he was going to kill me.” He muttered, still holding on to the small boy.

The other kid pulled his face away from Richie’s hand, narrowing his eyes at him. “Your hands smell disgusting.” He hissed, “Don’t you ever wash them?”

Richie turned to him then, taking him in fully. “Hey I know you.” He commented, smirking slightly at the memory. “You’re that neat freak who hangs with the bird boy and the stuttering kid.”

“I have a name.”

“Right, right.” The trashmouth mused, twirling his hands in the air, motioning for the name to come back. “Edmund or something.”

“Eddie.” He corrected, nearly growling in annoyance. “My name is Eddie Kaspbrak.”

“Yeah Eddie, that’s it.” The lanky boy smirked, snapping his fingers. “Hey, it’s nice to meet you Eds my dear. Names Richard Tozier, but my friends call me Richie.”

“I know who you are.” Eddie replied harshly, causing Richie to smile.

Richie faked gasped, clutching his chest. “Have we met?”

“You’re the joker of Derry High, kind of hard to miss.” He answered, sneering in his direction. “And I was here first so you need to-“

“Who’s got you on the run?” Richie asked, ignoring Eddie’s obvious annoyance. “Same kid that gave you that shiner?”

Eddie cringed, grazing his hand along his already bruised skin. He frowned, before sneering. “Henry Bowers caught me right after last period.” He explained, his eyes becoming heavy with an emotion that Richie could not pinpoint.

“Yeah, I hear that kid is an asshole.” Richie replied, trying to push down the bubbling emotion in this throat. “Real big too, got held back a few grades.”

“And you? What are you doing here?” Eddie asked, his eyes clearing of the storm within him. “I thought you could talk yourself out of anything.”

“Normally I can but I got the captain of the football team pretty heated up.” He replied, amused by truth his own statement. “He’s such a homophobe.”

“Yeah I’m aware.” Eddie added, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s got me a few times in the locker room.”

Richie felt his face flush, looking at the boy he raised an eyebrow, “You’re a queer Eddie boy?” The small boy flinched, although Richie wasn’t sure if it was from the harsh terminology or the nick name. Eddie’s gaze dropped and he merely shrugged not answering the question fully. Richie chuckled, “Well let me tell you, the caption of Derry High’s football team is defiantly gay himself so don’t take his abuse to heart.”

“How would you even know that?” Eddie hissed, leaning against the furthest wall, putting what little space he could between the two. “What are you physic or something?”

“No but I just sucked his dick and that’s about as gay as it comes.”

“What the fuck?” Eddie stammered, “Are you serious?”

“As serious as that shirt you’re wearing.” He replied, motioning to Eddie’s bright blue polo. “Been doing it for the past month and he comes quicker than the fucking road runner.”

“That’s-“Eddie muttered, shuttering. “That’s disgusting.”

Richie shrugged, tasting the lingering saltiness in the back of his throat. “What, you’ve never been with anyone? That’s just how it goes Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Will you stop it with the fucking nick-names?” Eddie hissed, shifting his weight under him awkwardly.

��So I take that as a no.” Richie snickered, amused by the boys uncomfortableness. “How do you even know you’re gay if you’ve never been with anyone?”

Eddie recoiled, looking at his feet. He played with his hands before responding softly to his shoes, “You’re supposed to love the person you have sex with and I’ve never been in love.”

Richie couldn’t help the laugh that erupted in his chest. He used his hands to quiet himself but it failed as his voice filled the air. “What you think that I loved that lug-nut?” He mused, clutching his sides. “Sex has nothing to do with love Eds, it’s all about getting your rocks off not filling your head with all that emotional shit.”

“Wow, you’re just the pride and joy of Derry aren’t you?” Eddie bit, standing from the wall. “You’re sick.”

“I’m truthful.” Richie corrected, his laughter dying down into a chuckle. “Just wait till your first time, it’s defiantly not like it’s made out to be in the movies.”

Eddie’s face was red with embarrassment. He brushed past the taller boy, opening the door and exiting. Richie rolled his eyes, following him for the simple fact he was sure the jock had given up his chase by now. “Don’t need to get mad Eds, I was just telling it like it was.” He spoke, taking long stride to catch up with him.

“Don’t call me Eds.” He hissed, walking through the hallway quickly. “And leave me alone, go blow some guy in the bathroom.”

Richie staggered for a moment, stunned by the harsh statement. He recovered quickly, hurrying through the high school doors with the other boy. “Hey, I think you owe me an apology.” He joked, taking the steps two at a time and abruptly stopping in front of Eddie, forcing him to a halt. “That hurt.” He mocked, pouting his lip and tilting his head.

Eddie scoffed and moved past his obstacle, grumbling something under his breath. Richie smiled, skipping up next tom him as they walked through the parking lot, which now only consisted of two cars, Richie’s beat up truck and what he could only assume was Eddie’s blue something or rather.

Richie found he was actually enjoying himself, completely comfortable with the small boys company. The only person who had ever made him feel so at ease was Beverly, and that had actually taken some time. No one had ever calmed him so quickly and Richie was afraid to let it end. “Is that your car?” he mused as they neared the blue painted vehicle. “It’s kind of gay you know. I mean couldn’t pick another c-“

He was instantly cut off by the boy who zombie rose from the driver’s seat. A surprised squeak dropped from Richie’s lips and he jumped back instantly. Eddie laughed, and Richie drank in the sweet sound. “Awe, what did Bill scare you?” He sneered, opening the car door.

“No.”

“W-who is this?” The boy at the wheel asked, looking over the trashmouth before scrunching up his face.

“Hey, it’s the stuttering dude!” Richie mused, pointing to Bill enthusiastically. “I’m Richie, Eddie Spaghetti and I hid out in a closet this afternoon. We had a very heartfelt conversation about the difference between love and sex.”

“W-what the f-fuck? “ Bill muttered, looking at Eddie with wide eyes.

“Ignore him.” Eddie mumbled, sliding into the passenger seat. “He’s just the schools trashmouth.”

Richie gasped dramatically, again gripping his chest. “I thought we were becoming friends! We had such a fun time in the closet.” He joked, holding Eddie’s door open with one hand smiling down at his annoyed face. “I mean we could have a bright future together Eds.”

“D-did I miss s-something?” Bill asked, turning the ignition and awaking the car. “W-what-“

“He’s just fucking with me.” Eddie bit, smacking at Richie’s hand until he dropped his grip. “He’s apparently an asshole like that.”

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then Eddie Spaghetti?” Richie jeered, clicking his tongue and shooting his fingers at the very aggravated boy. “We’ll do lunch.”

“No-“

“Okay then! Bye-bye new friends!” He cheered, closing the car door and cutting off Eddie’s protest. He watched the boy pout in the driver’s seat, glaring daggers at the school fool. The car moved, pulling from the parking space and driving out of the lot. Richie waved at them until they were out of sight, consumed by the now fading sun.

The lanky boy whistled a light tune as he strolled towards his truck, smiling uncontrollably. He thought of the small boy with the wrong assumptions of love, admiring the purity of the entire thing. Although he would never admit it, Richie found himself liking the boy. He but his mind at ease, even if he hated all of his stupid jokes or his ideas of sex.

Whatever the case, for the first time ever, Richie Motherfucking Tozier was looking forward to the next day of school.

[dmitri-smerdyakov]

Thoughts on "IT" (2017)

Let me start off by saying that I haven’t seen the miniseries from 1990, and I have not yet read the book (I’m debating buying it) – I went to watch it as a lover of horror films, and because I get free tickets at the cinema where I work. My opinion isn’t professional in any sense of the word, I’m speaking merely as a cinema-goer with an opinion.

So…where to start is the question? There’s a lot to discuss with this film, more so than I thought, so I hope I can remember to get everything in.

Let’s get this out of the way now: I enjoyed the film. I enjoy horror films, I enjoy being scared, and I enjoy horror films with actual plot and not just “random serial killer hacks teens to death on a cabin retreat”. The plot of this is of a child-eating-clown/monster/alien that terrorises the small down of Derry, Maine – that’s the basic sum of it. Then there’s the Losers Club who are all bullied misfits and outcasts in some way, and they decide that they want to take down “IT” to stop it from claiming more innocent victims (to add, the “leader” of the group, Bill, is the older brother of Georgie, who is killed at the start of the film). The film wasn’t faultless by any means, of course, but I’ll get there in a second.

The film opens with Bill making his little brother, Georgie, a paper boat to play outside in the rain with (Bill is stuck in bed because he’s sick); let me just say that Georgie is adorable. I wanted to cuddle him and squeeze him; I also liked the relationship between Bill and Georgie, but that also comes up later. So Georgie goes outside to play with his paper boat in the rain, chasing after it as it travels along the water of puddles etc. until he hits his head and the boat heads towards a gutter drain… I’m a horrible person for saying this, but I still laughed when Georgie ran into that public works sign/barrier thing and fell down. It was just really amusing to me that he ran straight into it. After this, the boat goes down the drain and Georgie gets on his hands-and-knees to try and retrieve it – and that’s when the clown pops up.

Following on from the above point, I know Georgie is only little and he does mention that he’s not allowed to talk to strangers…but I can’t help but laugh at how he had a conversation with a random clown in the drain. Bless him, I certainly wouldn’t have done that even if I had lost the paper boat my brother made me, but there you go.

I’m going into way too much detail so I’ll try to be more concise or I’ll be here all night; I’m sure we all know of that infamous gutter drain scene between George and Pennywise – it’s used in marketing and I’m sure many have seen it on YouTube from the 1990s miniseries. This scene was tense to watch, even though I’d seen a preview on YouTube of it; I knew what was going to happen because it’s impossible to escape spoilers, but it was still pretty intense – knowing made it worse, I feel. There’s something I found endearing about this Pennywise that I can’t put my finger on, but even so I don’t think I would have stuck my hand in that gutter drain to take that boat from his hands.

I saw the clip from the original 1990 miniseries of when Georgie is “killed” – it’s not shown on-screen at all, merely implied. In this adaptation, there’s no problem showing gore; I suspected we’d see more in this film, but still. Let me tell you, when that clown opened its jaws and ripped that kid’s arm off, I yelped (quietly because it was a cinema, but still); there’s no way I can describe this clown’s teeth properly…it’s like the Deacon from Prometheus, it has like jaws that pop out??? The worst part wasn’t the violence or gore, though, it was Georgie crying and attempting to escape before being pulled into the sewer; there’s something really very upsetting about a little child crying in pain, and it gives me chills to think about.

Okay, now to the main bulk of the film – hopefully I won’t go into full detail on every scene, but I felt that the first opening scene was important since it’s perhaps the most well-known one.

The Losers Club, in full, is made up of six boys and one girl - and I can only just name them. I know one of them was from “Stranger Things”, but I couldn’t tell you which one since I don’t watch it (I know, I know). There’s obviously Bill, Georgie’s older brother; there’s also Ben, an overweight boy, Richie (the boy with glasses, I think), Stan (the Jewish one), Mike (an African American), and Eddie (asthmatic/hypochondriac), and the girl in the group is Beverley. They’re all a part of the Losers Club for various reasons, and they’re frequently bullied by a group of older boys led by Henry Bowers (who is a bit of a psychopath, it turns out).

To stop me from ranting and going in-depth on EVERY scene, I’m going to sum up my feelings in bullet points:

Beverley being bullied in the bathroom at the start of the film – this ties into the theme of bullying in the film, which is quite central. Her character is quite a bad-ass, actually, and probably one of my favourites.

Oh God, Ben was sweet; I really want all the best for him, because he’s just so lovely. He’s overweight and the new kid, and he has such a crush on Bev, and it’s just…bless him. I wanted to pat him on the shoulder.

Admittedly, Richie grated on me a little bit with his jokes – you know, the overtly sexual “your mom” jokes that a lot of fuckboys make? Yeah, that kinda annoyed me quite a bit. I read somewhere that he’s supposed to be a “trashmouth” but, I don’t know, it just grated on my nerves. Then again, these are teen boys – it’s only to be excepted really.

The part with that guy in the pharmacy, though…he really creeped me out that guy behind the counter. He was weird as fuck and creepy.

We see “IT” terrorising the kids one-by-one quite early on; Bill is tormented by visions of Georgie (“YOU’LL FLOAT TOO!”); Stan is attacked by a creepy woman from a creepy painting that plays a flute (she really is fucking terrifying); Ben is chased by a headless person in the library before being chased by Pennywise; Mike sees the hands of his parents attempting to escape from behind a door (his parents died in a fire); Richie is terrorised by several clowns at one point (including Pennywise), and Eddie sees a Leper which chases him, diseased and carrying god knows how many germs/bacteria. Beverley is a little odder; she hears voices from down the sink, and a blood bubble bursts that covers her entire bathroom.

I feel compelled to mention the part where Patrick, one of the bullies in the gang, is in the sewer and is killed by Pennywise after being chased by zombies. That really was quite frightening, actually, at least for me.

Beverley’s relationship with her father is heavily implied to be incestuous; I think it’s quite apparent that her father sexually abuses her from the start, coaxing her to say that she’s still his “little girl”. Again, a deeply unsettling theme that I’ll talk about in a sec.

Adding onto the above, Bev cutting all of her hair off was really compelling and sad but I was also silently cheering her on? I just felt like this was something she had control over; her father would stroke her long hair and call her his little girl, and now with her hair cut short he can’t do that. I just felt that this was really very freeing.

There’s a scene where the kids are watching a slideshow/projector thing to figure out where “IT” lives; it soon starts to flicker and show images of Bill’s family with Georgie, with Pennywise in the pictures in place of their mother. They knock the slide-thing over, and for a moment it’s like it’s all over – and then this MASSIVE Pennywise appears out of fucking nowhere and I nearly shat myself. I was shaking afterwards.

I just…every time Pennywise appeared, I ended up sitting with both middle fingers raised and my eyes half-shut. I really do not like clowns.

I’m slightly concerned about how Henry Bowers murdered his father, attacked the kids and then fell down the hole and just…never turned up again? Did no one have questions about his father being murdered? Or perhaps about the missing 15-year-old? Or are these answered in the second film where the kids are adults?

Also slightly concerned over Beverley murdering her father and getting off scott-free. I mean, I know he was sexually abusing her and stuff, but she wasn’t punished at all for it – she’s merely being sent away to live with an aunt. Maybe I’m just dwelling too much :’)

Eddie standing up to his mother was great, though; there’s something satisfying in him leaving her to go with his friends after she’s been way too overbearing – like, I get caring and stuff but then there’s making him afraid of everything “to protect him”.

Right, okay, I have to put this out there: that scene where Beverley is in the sewer after “IT” drags her done there, and he suddenly appears doing a dance…I was crying and laughing and cringing because I was just so…? I had no words to describe this. It’s so funny that it’s actually scary.

I’m assuming that those lights that made Bev comatose were “deadlights”, right? I’ve heard about those too. Also, Pennywise/IT opening his mouth again…I was so close to physically vomiting.

Man, those kids really beat the crap out of Pennywise though. I was at first surprised but then I reasoned “seven kids against one clown – could work”. And I think that that’s what the film is about, really – about them sticking together to survive.

I think it’s nice that they did blood oaths, and they set up the next movie pretty well with the whole “if IT comes back then we’ll reunite again” thing – because there’s a second part, of course. At the same time, it ended in a way that meant that it stands on its own without the second part.

I just want to add that I’m extremely glad that they didn’t add the orgy scene from the book into the film – yes, I know about that scene since someone told me about it. I’m relieved that there was no orgy between the kids, because that would have been way too traumatising for everyone involved.

The pop music from the 80s...I was mixed on. I like an 80s tune as much as the next person, but at times I wondered if it was strictly necessary to blast it over certain scenes.

And, most importantly:

Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise is brilliant, in my opinion – he wasn’t just scary, he was playfully scary…he incorporated the playfulness with the fear, and that frightened me more than just “evil clown”. But at the same time, I was weirdly attracted to him?? (okay, that’s just me knowing what Bill Skarsgard looks like in real life, I admit) He seemed to go full out in the film, too, drooling and spitting and screaming and just…I think he really pushed himself into it.

-

Now, moving on, while looking at reviews after I saw the film, I noticed a headline that sums up my feelings of the film perfectly: “a superb movie less about clowns than real-world evil”. For me, a lot of the horror and unease came from the real life “evils”; bullies, Beverley’s father, Eddie’s over-bearing mother. Don’t get me wrong, Pennywise is still fucking terrifying, but there’s a lot of other evils to consider too. We have implied incest/sexual abuse, adults who don’t listen, overbearing parents, and parents who don’t seem to care much at all. Like, where were Bill’s parents when all of this was going on? We saw his dad in one scene having a go at him, but that was it. Stan’s parents…well, we saw his dad briefly chastise him for not knowing his reading from the Torah (if I’m incorrect, please let me know), but that was literally it. I don’t think we saw Ben or Richie’s parents at all in the film. I think that this is all pretty scary in its own way, actually, the fact that the parents have unhealthy relationships with their children.

The film isn’t perfect, I’m not saying it is; on some of the jump scares, I wasn’t scared (but that could easily been me getting used to horror films or me moving around in my seat too much to take it all in), and I’ve mentioned bits that seemed off to me. But I did enjoy the film, and I’d happily watch it again, if only to try and get more into the story of it. I keep saying this, but I think that Bill Skarsgard did a great job in making his own Pennywise and not just copying Tim Curry’s version (or what I’ve seen of it on YouTube…I’ve seen a lot on YouTube).

I want to add that the soundtrack was pretty good - I'm listening to it now as I write this and I keep jumping, so kudos to Benjamin Wallfisch.

I’m curious to know what anyone else thought? And also, to those who have read the book, if you believe it’s worth reading the book before viewing the film again?