#eddie finally being told he's not a coward

[wheneverfeasible]

Bullshit (part 3/3)

Third and final part of my angsty Steddie “Bullshit” story where Steve changes himself to try to keep Eddie’s love. I swear the happy ending is finally here everyone! Please put the pitchforks and torches away!

I hope it lives up to expectations and thank you everyone for showing such a keen interest in my story. This final part is LONG and dialogue heavy but hey, at least you finally get the fluff.

Part 1 || Part 2

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It had been two weeks.

Which, sure, wasn’t the longest they’d gone without seeing each other before due to their lives being hectic, but it had been the longest they’d gone without even so much as a quick goodnight phone call since they finally got together. Steve’s hand had hovered over the phone every night, wanting to call Eddie and apologize and promise to do better, but he was too much of a coward.

Because, you see, as long as they weren’t talking, Steve could still pretend that they were together. He knew though that the moment his resolve crumbled and he called Eddie, or Eddie finally had enough and called him, that it would be over. Eddie would officially break up with him and this time Steve didn’t know how he was going to pick up the pieces.

He loved too much, too quickly, too earnestly. But it was never enough. It was always just bullshit and he didn’t know how to stop it from being bullshit. The first time he hadn’t taken Nancy’s own needs into account, had been too caught up in his own trauma to realize that she needed more than just to pretend that nothing had happened and move on from what couldn’t be changed.

Neither had been in the wrong, of course, both dealing with trauma and guilt in their own way, but in the end they had simply been too incompatible. He hadn’t been what she needed and she hadn’t been what he needed. They couldn’t change that, not even back when that spark between them still burned in an ember. But who they were simply couldn’t change to be what the other needed, or deserved.

So then he tried to change, for Eddie. Once Eddie and he got together, it was obvious they were too different. Their friends had commented on it enough, and then when Steve changed to be worthy of Eddie, they commented on that too. But Steve was fine with changing. He loved Eddie enough to become what would make Eddie happy. He’d do anything to make Eddie happy.

Except he failed. He failed and now he had gone two weeks without speaking to his boyfriend who probably hated him now.

Their friends wouldn’t tell him anything either, not that he really wanted them to know of his failure. Only Robin knew because she had been the first person he had called when Eddie had ran away from him when it became obvious Steve wasn’t good enough.

Robin, who had threatened to make Eddie’s balls into earrings, had muttered about how she’d always known he was trouble, but Steve also remembered how happy Robin had been when she discovered she wasn’t alone. She and Eddie had gotten on like a house on fire, bickering like they’d been siblings all along, and it had been so nice to have both his soulmates so close to him and each other.

He couldn’t let Robin hate Eddie because of Steve’s own failings. So he talked to her, told her it was fine, told her not to hate Eddie just because Steve couldn’t be what he wanted, though that only seemed to make Robin worse.

Until a few days ago.

She had suddenly returned with a smile on her face, and though she seemed impatient at times, she had at least stopped threatening bodily harm towards Eddie. She stopped bringing Eddie up entirely, actually, though she looked like she wanted to say something more than once.

Normally, Steve would have pried it out of her. It would have been easy too. A flash of wide eyes, downturned lips, tilted head, a soft whine to her name, and she’d be spilling state secrets to him…though he already knew all the state secrets that she knew. But she couldn’t hide from her soulmate. Ever since that first bathroom confessional, they were never very good at keeping secrets from each other.

Steve was too tired for that now. He just wanted Eddie. But Eddie didn’t want him.

Because he was bullshit.

Steve was curled on his couch, Dio blasting from the music system, the fancy new CD player rotating the shiny disc over and over again on repeat. Eddie had said he preferred vinyls, so Steve tried to only listen to vinyls when he was around, but Steve enjoyed the way he could set the new CD technology on repeat without having to get up. It let him wallow for longer.

Robin had been by earlier, though she seemed jumpier than normal, constantly looking at her watch. She’d finally jumped out of Steve’s bed they were lounging in and said she had to go about an hour ago, stuttering excuses and refusing to meet his eyes.

He wondered if Robin was beginning to realize he was bullshit too.

He couldn’t blame her. They didn’t really have much in common either. It was only trauma bonding that tied them together, or at least that’s what she had called it a few nights after everything to do with Starcourt, when she’d biked all the way to Loch Nora and pounded on the door until a bewildered Steve had answered.

She’d thrown her arms around Steve then, and he’d realized she’d been crying, and she kept whispering over and over “you’re safe you’re safe you’re safe you’re safe” as though she needed to reassure herself. Steve had at first thought she was talking about herself, but then he realized she was talking about him.

That particular realization had been electrifying. No one had ever really checked up on him before. But apparently Robin had been unable to sleep, plagued by nightmares of what the Russians had done to Steve, plagued by the what-if’s of Steve not making it out of the underground bunker. It was the first night they slept in the same bed together, but it wasn’t the last.

She’d told him that they were trauma bonded, them and the rest of the group, that no matter how different they were, they would always have each other’s back. That was also the first night she’d called him her soulmate though, making certain he knew she meant it Platonic with a capital ‘P’ and nothing else. Steve realized that it didn’t make it any less important.

But maybe that had been a lie too.

Maybe Robin was beginning to realize that they were too different. That Steve would never be good enough for anyone. Not good enough for his family, not good enough for Dustin, not good enough for Nancy, not good enough for Eddie, and not good enough for Robin. Always wanting, always worthless. Always bullshit.

It was during this spiral that a very polite, though loud, knocking came from the front door. He supposed they had to be loud to be heard over the sounds of Dio, which he had cranked up to try to drown out the thoughts in his head.

Steve rubbed at his eyes, which felt crusty from dried tears, sitting up from where he had collapsed after showing Robin out the door. He’d think that it was Robin returning for something she forgot, a regular occurrence, but she rarely knocked anymore. She typically just let herself in with the spare key he’d given her. He’d given one to Eddie too.

Pushing thoughts of his maybe-still-his-boyfriend away as he hit pause on the music, Steve shuffled towards the front door. He gave a brief tug of his Iron Maiden shirt, which was actually one of Eddie’s, to attempt to make his rumpled appearance look a little more presentable, and then he was swinging the door open to reveal…

Eddie???

Except…it wasn’t an Eddie he recognized. No, this Eddie was wearing an orchid pink polo and light khakis, and…were those Oxford shoes he was wearing?? With a matching belt??? His hair was smoothed fully back and clasped into a professional looking bun and not a single ring adorned his fingers, made obvious by the way Eddie held up a bouquet of roses. Even the ever present pick necklace from absent from Eddie’s neck.

Steve gaped.

“Hello, Steve,” Eddie said, even his voice seemed softer, less wild, and his smile was the sort Steve had seen his father’s business associates give to each other when a good deal had gone through. Happy, pleased, but restrained. Nothing like the manic grins he was used to from Eddie.

“E-Eddie?” he croaked out, absolutely in disbelief. Behind Eddie, Steve could see a station wagon parked where Eddie’s van should be. “What’s going on?”

Eddie held the flowers out towards Steve, who automatically took them. He couldn’t help but give a bemused smile even as he brought them up to smell. Eddie took a deep breath, indicating the foyer with a small motion of his hand.

“Sorry, but may we talk inside?”

This strangely polite version of Eddie was making Steve feel weirdly uncomfortable, so used to the exuberance that normally surrounded the other man. He took a step back, however, because it was Eddie. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest at seeing Eddie again, even if he looked different.

Steve closed the door behind Eddie after the other man stepped forward, though not before wiping his shoes off on the doormat, which Steve could not recall Eddie ever doing before. He felt like he had somehow fallen into an alternate dimension, and not of the Upside Down variety. Maybe that would have been better; he knew how to handle that kind.

“Um…let me put these in water?” Steve said, though it sounded more like a question, at a loss for what was happening right now.

“Of course, sweetheart. Do you mind if I put on the game?”

Sweetheart.

Steve felt a hopeful flutter in his chest and gut at the use of an endearment. Sure, Eddie was no stranger to using such terms in retaliation to bullies or anyone else he disliked, but that was not the tone Eddie used just now. No, he used the tone he always used with Steve, making Steve hopeful towards the idea that he hadn’t actually ruined everything yet.

He was so caught up with that fact that it took him a moment to process the second part of what Eddie said. “Uh…yeah, sure?” he answered with a question again, brows furrowing, as he wondered if he had somehow forgotten that he was supposed to host Eddie’s campaign night that night.

He hurried quickly to the kitchen to find something to put the flowers in, suddenly worried about how his home looked. He hadn’t been expecting to host Dungeons and Dragons, didn’t have the snacking station set up or anything. Did he have enough beverages? Who all was coming tonight? He felt his hosting anxiety start climbing at these questions, as well as the worry that this was a test.

If he failed tonight, would Eddie finally be done with him?

Steve was just settling the vase full of roses on the counter when he heard…was that…?

“Oh come on, Coach! Take him out!” Eddie’s voice filtered through to him as Steve slowly made his way towards the living room. “That asshole is making Gochnaur look like a capable shortstop!”

Was Eddie…watching baseball?

Did Eddie know about John Gochnaur?

What was happening right now?

Steve stood in the doorway leading into the living room, watching with a completely gobsmacked expression as, yes, Eddie was currently watching baseball and giving correct commentary. Steve hadn’t even known Eddie knew what a shortstop did.

Eddie glanced over at Steve and his annoyed expression smoothed into one of happiness. He pat the couch next to him invitingly and Steve could do nothing but walk forward and take his place at Eddie’s side. His furrowed brows shot up into his hairline when Eddie pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as he started rattling off statistics of the players on screen like he did monsters during his DnD campaigns as he indicated the probability of home runs and errors.

“What the hell is going on right now?” he mumbled mostly to himself. This was…this was weird. He wasn’t sure he liked this. No, he knew he didn’t like this. Whatever this was, it felt wrong. He turned his head to frown at Eddie who still looked caught up in the game. In sports.

“Eddie, what…” Steve shook his head slightly, wetting his lips. “Why are you watching baseball? Why are you wearing those clothes? You just left the other days and now you look like a completely different person. What is going on?”

Eddie glanced over at Steve, his own brows high into his bangs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Steve. I’m wearing perfectly normal clothing. And sure, it’s only baseball, but it’s not like it’s basketball season yet.”

Eddie paused then, his expression settling into a neutral look for only a moment before slowly morphing to one of pained regret. He sight and hung his head for a moment before grabbing the remote and muting the screen. He then released Steve just enough to turn slightly on the couch to better face him.

“I’m sorry for leaving though, baby. There’s no excuse for just running out on you like that. I didn’t want to hurt you, I just…I had a lot on my mind and I needed to figure some things out. But don’t worry, Stevie. I have it all figured out now and now I can be an even better boyfriend to you,” he finished with a wide grin that looked nothing like his typical crazed charming smile. It looked more like the grins he used to make before he felt comfortable around Steve and the others.

Charming, yes, but not right. Not Eddie.

But Eddie was leaning forwards, brushing one of the limp pieces of his hair that he hadn’t even bothered to style these past two weeks—hell, had barely had the energy to even wash—back behind his ear. He then pressed forward to lightly kiss the tip of Steve’s nose with a smile, and Steve could only smile back. Eddie was here, with him, and that was all that mattered.

Except…

Except.

Eddie’s pink polo was still in his line of vision. It was Eddie, but it wasn’t Eddie at the same time. He looked nothing like the metalhead he loved. Not that there was anything wrong with what he wore now, of course, and honestly seeing Eddie in a polo was kind of hot, but…it wasn’t him.

Steve pulled back, his smile turning back into a small frown. His eyes tracked over Eddie’s outfit. Sure, Eddie looked nice in it, but it was incredibly wrong. The khakis even looked pressed. “But seriously, Eddie, what the hell are you wearing?”

Eddie looked down at his own clothing with a look of not understanding before looking back up at Steve. “I honestly don’t know what you mean. I’m wearing clothing. A shirt and pants I’ve even got underwear on underneath. Though I can wear a lot less of it if you prefer, baby,” he added in that sultry voice that never failed to get Steve going. He’d once accidentally slipped into it while DMing when he narrated a succubus type NPC and Steve had popped a boner right then and there at the table.

And Steve’s dick made a valiant effort to respond now actually, but everything was wrong and Steve didn’t like that. He continued frowning at Eddie.

“Why are you wearing a polo?” he asked more directly, because he knew from experience with Dustin and Robin and even Eddie himself that sometimes you just have to ask directly if you wanted a proper answer. And seriously. A polo?? “Where are your regular clothes. And why are you watching baseball?”

“I like baseball,” Eddie replied easily with a shrug. “It’s not as bad as I thought. I like that the players can have their little music intro. And I wear polos now, they’re surprisingly comfortable.” He gave Steve a gentle smile. “If you don’t want to watch baseball, we can do something else. You wanna put on some music? Have you heard Debbie Gibson’s new song? Truly heartbreaking. I bet it’s on the radio right now.”

Steve just gaped. It was like Eddie was speaking an alien language even though he knew that all that was English and he understood each word separately. All together though, coming from Eddie’s mouth? Yeah, nothing made sense.

“Eddie,” he breathed, slowly reaching out for Eddie’s left hand and feeling another swoop of wrongness at the lack of rings there. “When you said you wanted to put on the game, I thought you meant a campaign. And Debbie Gibson? Babe, you’re in a metal band. Debbie Gibson isn’t cool.”

“Hey! You treat Deb with respect. Girl’s got an excellent voice,” Eddie said with indignation. Steve could only roll his eyes because yeah, he knew that, but Eddie saying something like that? Unreal. It was Eddie’s next words that made him freeze solid, however.

“Besides, I quit the band. Dungeons and Dragons too. Figured I’m too old for that nerd shit. I’m thinking about getting a real job now anyways, so I don’t have time for all that anymore. Actually, do you want to go through the classifieds together with me later? Gareth said he’d try to get me an in with his dad’s company, but it’s better to be prepared.”

Eddie quit the band? Quit Dungeons and Dragons? Was talking about a corporate job? What. The. Fuck.

Steve scrambled up from the couch, his fingers moving up to squeeze the bridge of his nose before both hands settled on his hips as he stared at Eddie in disbelief. “You love Corroded Coffin. And Dungeons and Dragons! Why the hell would you stop doing something you love?”

Something flashed across Eddie’s expression then, something pleased like Steve had said exactly what Eddie had hoped he would, but it was gone the very next instant leaving Eddie simply staring up Steve with wide and imploring eyes.

“But Steve,” he said, and his tone was too earnest that it made Steve pause. “I love you more, and you don’t like those things. So I’ll change, for you.”

The words were like a bucket of ice water thrown back in his face. He couldn’t move, couldn’t react. Couldn’t resist when Eddie reached out and grasped his hand to pull him back to the couch he’d just vacated, pulling him against his side once more.

“You changed for me, so now I’ll change for you,” Eddie said like the solution was obvious. Steve mutely shook his head, but Eddie’s smile was toothy and sharp and so much like the smile he was used to that he couldn’t speak. Which was just as well, since Eddie wasn’t done. “You changed who you were because you loved me so much and didn’t want to lose me. Is it so preposterous to imagine that I love you so much that I’m willing to do the same?”

Yes! Steve wanted to exclaim, wanted to shout and shake Eddie, because of course Eddie didn’t love Steve the same way that Steve loved Eddie; no one ever did.

Well, except maybe Robin. They were Platonic soulmates after all. He knew that he had started doubting her earlier, which made him a little nauseous to do actually, but she had been the only one so far who had never abandoned him. Who seemingly cared for him the same way he cared for her.

But to think he could possibly be blessed with someone who loved him, romantically, that same way? To think that he might be lucky enough to have that sort of fabled love twice? Impossible! Because…because he knew. He knew he wasn’t good enough. He wouldn’t ever be good enough. He didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t a good person. He wasn’t—

“Do you know why I love you, Stevie?” Eddie murmured, cutting off Steve’s thoughts and causing him to stiffen beside him. It wasn’t like he was unused to these declarations; Eddie never really shied away from telling Steve he loved him, though Steve had to fight back the inane temptation to make a bitchy little joke about it like he’d had before, teasingly crediting his ass or how pretty he looked on his knees. Eddie had given them as reasons enough for his love when they’d joked around before, just as Steven had teasingly cited his love as being because of how skilled Eddie’s fingers were, or the talent of his mouth.

He could sense, however, that trying to trivialize the moment would not go well this time. No, Eddie was looking at him earnestly once more, was reaching out again for Steve’s hand to hold and clutch between both of his against his chest. He thankfully did not seem like he was expecting an answer from Steve.

“It’s because you thought about my safety first, back then, at Skull Rock, even after I’d shoved a broken bottle at your neck. Even though we ran in two totally different circles, you immediately put me as a priority. It’s because you didn’t hesitate to jump into the water, not in belittlement of Wheeler and Buckley for being girls, or me for being…well, me…but simply because you were aware of your own qualifications and knew you were best for the job.

“It’s because, at the first real opportunity of being relatively alone with me, you immediately thanked me for coming to help you after you’d been pulled under, like there had been any other option. As if it wasn’t a given that you deserved to be made a priority too.”

Eddie paused then, thickly swallowed as his eyes closed momentarily. “Though you totally saved your own ass there, tearing that bitch apart with your bare hands. You’re a total badass, sweetheart,” he rumbled, the heat of hungry appreciation in his voice. “Wrapped up in soft yellow sweaters and ridiculously styled hair.”

Opening his eyes to look at Steve again, Steve could see some of that (still surprising) hunger lingering. Because yeah, he knew now that Eddie had near creamed his pants when he’d pulled an Ozzy with the demobat, and even though he questioned his boyfriend’s tastes at time, he was also always so gleeful to know that Eddie thought him sexy as hell.

But it was more than just that, and Steve felt his heart hammering away beneath his ribcage as Eddie kept going on, singing his praises as if Steve was truly something to be admired.

“It’s because,” Eddie continued saying, bringing Steve’s hand up to lightly nuzzle against his knuckles, “you always put everyone else first, even if you hide it behind your bitchy little snide words. Because you care about everyone else and would throw yourself directly into the path of danger to protect them. Protect us. And more than that, you take care of everyone around you, whether they show their gratitude or not. Dustin wasn’t wrong when he talked about how great you are.

“It’s because…” Eddie drew in another shuddering breath, his eyes wide and deep with emotion. “It’s because, when you look at me, you see me, not just another trailer trash failure who couldn’t even properly graduate high school. You see someone worth loving.”

“Eddie,” Steve broke in then with a cracked voice, his guilt unable to keep him quiet. “You were right about me, though. I was a douchebag. Even about you I was an asshole until everything went down. I called you a freak, and I didn’t try hard enough to stop Tommy from attacking you or the others, and I only cared about myself back then. I’m not the person you think I am.”

“Sweetheart,” Eddie said with a shake of his head. “I won’t deny past dickishness, but I’m not so innocent either,” he pointed out. “I held my own prejudices, my own selfishness. I ostracized Lucas for daring to like sports, I nearly abandoned my bandmates the first time I thought I could make it solo, and I continually ran away when things got tough or hard, try as hard as I did to pretend otherwise.”

Eddie released Steve’s hand from one of his own so that he could snake it behind Steve’s neck to pull him in for a gentle kiss. Steve melted into it, terrified Eddie would eventually leave him still, while also taking great comfort in the kiss. It wasn’t a goodbye kiss, that much he was certain.

“You love with your whole heart, Stevie,” Eddie whispered when he finally pulled away. “I will never be able to apologize enough for taking advantage of that, for not realizing what was going on.” He dropped his gaze to the Iron Maiden shirt Steve was wearing, sliding his hand from Steve’s neck to his chest. “The fact that I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough exactly as you are will always haunt me.”

Steve didn’t want Eddie sad. He didn’t want Eddie to blame himself for Steve not being enough. He couldn’t get the words out though, not when Eddie looked so utterly heartbroken.

“I’m so sorry, baby. And I’m so sorry for leaving. I just…I realized what I did to you and I couldn’t…I couldn’t…”

Steve was horrified by the tears that began flooding Eddie’s eyes, causing him to reach out with his own freed hand pull Eddie in by his polo for another kiss. He didn’t understand what was going on, but…but…

Was Eddie truly not upset with him?

“Christ, baby,” Eddie murmured against his lips. “I love you in your polos. I love you listening to your own music in the car, the way your hair flops about as you jam out to Queen and Wham! and even Cydni fucking Lauper. I love how passionate you get about sports, the way you fuss over Henderson and the others, the way you call out other people’s shit. I love all of you, not in spite of you.”

Eddie pulled back to look properly at Steve, and this time it was Steve with tears brimming in his eyes. Everything Eddie said was like a revelation because the tone of Eddie’s voice, the look in Eddie’s eyes…he meant them.

“But…we’re so different,” he protested, because how was he supposed to accept that when they were nothing alike? Certainly Eddie had to have some regrets, or wish for some changes.

“Steve,” Eddie said on a near whine. “Of course we’re different. We’re different people.” He shook his head suddenly, taking a deep breath. He then reached out and caught Steve’s chin to force him to look at him, catching his eyes with his own. “Do you love me any less for being different than you?”

“No!” Steve yelled aghast. How could Eddie ever think that?

“Then why do you think I would ever love you less for the same?”

Steve opened his mouth, ready to protest again, except…except he didn’t really have an answer to that. Not beyond the fact that he would always be less than. Less than Eddie, less than the kids, less than everyone else he ever cared about.

Except…

Except.

The way Eddie was staring at him now, the way Eddie’s own pain reflected in his dark brown eyes, didn’t make Steve feel like he was lesser. Eddie had never made him feel lesser, actually. Eddie had instead made him feel like…like he mattered. Like he was something worth cherishing. Like…like he was loved.

“I…I don’t know,” Steve admitted, voice cracking, and the tears he’d been keeping at bay slowly spilled over and slid down his cheeks.

Eddie cupped his jaw with both hands then, and though his tears didn’t fall, he sniffled in a way that revealed that it was a very near thing. “I love you so much, baby. I was so ecstatic that you loved me too, that you seemed to be willing to take interest in the things I loved, that I didn’t realize I never did the same. I thought you were trying to figure out who you were, I never noticed that you stopped being you.

“I don’t want you to be just another metalhead who likes everything I like. I want you to be your own person, to like the things you like even if I don’t like them. I want to meet you in the middle of who we are, not a compromise, but as a sign of our love. I’ll take you to metal concerts and you can take me to sports games, even the ones with laundry baskets,” he gently teased. “Any of them, I don’t care. As long as I’m with you doing things you love, I’ll be happy. Because you make me happy, sweetheart.”

Steve’s eyes darted away, eyes catching on the screen where one of the players just stole a base and made themselves that much closer to winning the game, before looking back at Eddie. He didn’t see anything false in his expression, only genuine, hopeful sincerity. Like he truly meant his words.

“I’m fine doing whatever you want,” he mumbled. “You don’t need to sacrifice anything.”

“Baby,” Eddie implored. “It’s not a sacrifice to be with you. You’re so perfect for me, just like you are. Like you truly are. I fell in love with you not because of what you can give me, but because of who you are. I never thought you were actually trying to change to be who you thought I wanted you to be. Because I just want you, baby. If you still want me.”

“Of course I want you,” Steve murmured immediately, his hands moving to claps at Eddie’s forearms. “I’ll always want you.”

Eddie grinned at him, though it was still emotional. He at least managed to keep his tears at bay, blinking rapidly until there wasn’t fear of them falling anymore. He leaned in then to press a soft kiss to Steve’s forehead, his thumbs lightly stroking over Steve’s cheeks. “And I’ll always want you. Hell, baby, I’d marry you right now if it were legal.”

That got Steve’s attention.

He pulled back again, pulling Eddie’s hands from his face to stare at his boyfriend with wide eyes. Again there was only sincerity in Eddie’s gaze, and patience, as he let Steve process and work through his words. To understand just how much Eddie meant it.

Eddie loved him. He knew this of course, but…hell, they hadn’t been dating all that long, all things considered, and he’d once heard Eddie denounce marriage as just another conformist expectation used to take your individuality away, but here was Eddie saying he would marry him if given the chance. He knew Eddie wouldn’t say something like that unless he truly meant it too. Eddie loved him.

“But…we’re so different, Eddie,” he repeated in barely more than a whisper. “A-and I don’t want you to quit your band or Dungeons and Dragons or anything like that for me. I don’t want you conforming for me.”

Eddie just grinned again, his expression so full of love for Steve that it made Steve almost physically ache. “And I don’t want you changing for me,” he simply said, and…and maybe Steve was starting to get that, but…

“But you were so happy when I started listening to metal, and not all of it is bad,” Steve admitted. “I actually liked some of it. More than I thought I would.”

“I was happy,” Eddie admitted right back, letting out a soft sigh. “I was happy to share something with you, happy to help you develop your interest since I thought it was something you wanted. I didn’t mean to push it on you. I was just…I thought that if we had a shared interest like that, you wouldn’t decide I was too much. When you started dressing like this…”

Eddie moved to lightly tug at the hem of Steve’s shirt. “I had been so terrified that you would realize you could do better than someone like me,” he whispered. “Having you not be put off by the way I dressed, by the music I liked, by anything I liked made me happy because it calmed my fears that I’d scare you off or something, that you’d move on to greener and better pastures.”

And that was just not right. Better than Eddie? Someone like that simply didn’t exist. And all because Eddie liked a certain kind of music, or dressed a certain way? Absolutely not.

“Eddie,” Steve breathed, and this time it was him reaching out to cup Eddie’s cheek to make him look at him properly again. “You’re so amazing, Eddie. How in the world could someone better than you exist? You’re a fucking hero, man. And don’t say you’re not,” he said firmly when Eddie opened his mouth to say just that, like he always did when it got brought up. “You are. You’re brave and selfless and literally out your life in the line to protect others. You’re badass, baby. Just like me,” he grinned in tease.

Eddie softly snorted, placing his hand over Steve’s on his cheek so he could hold it as he turned his head slightly to kiss the palm. “You are a badass,” Eddie agreed. “And you’re sweet too, even though you deny that too. I love you so much, and I should have paid more attention to why you were suddenly into all the same things I was instead of just being happy to share them with you.”

Eddie squeezed Steve’s hand, placing another soft kiss to his palm before trailing his lips into gentle kisses against his fingertips. “And I should have done more to meet you halfway. I should have been doing this from the start,” he admitted, indicating the muted TV. “You were always willing to join my hobbies but I never even offered to join yours. I’m truly very sorry, baby.”

“Please stop apologizing,” Steve complained. “I forgive you, okay? It’s just…you’re…” Steve swallowed, making himself actually stop and consider Eddie’s words, their meaning, their truth. “I’d love you even if you always hated sports,” he said softly, a small light of understanding settling over him. Because if he could love Eddie without needing Eddie to like everything he liked…

“Then can’t I love you even if you hate the things I like?” Eddie murmured, as if finishing his thought for him. “I don’t need you to be a carbon copy of my interests, baby. I love you for you, Steve. I’ve missed your polos and your preppy look,” he grinned. “It’s hot.”

Steve flushed slightly at that, Eddie’s eyes telling him again just how truthful those words were. He hadn’t ever once considered that Eddie actually liked that part of him, not when Eddie always wore dark clothing and looked the way he did. They were so different…

His eyes moved once more over Eddie, taking in that ridiculously pink polo and khaki pants, so unlike the things Eddie would wear but so similar to something Steve would. And…yeah, okay, that was hot, but he didn’t want Eddie to wear it all the time because it just wasn’t him. If Eddie wanted to then of course he’d never say anything about it, but he would miss the way his metalhead usually looked. Like…the way Steve looked now, while Eddie…Eddie looked like how he would have normally dressed.

Because Eddie said he would change for Steve, would give up the things he loved, just to keep Steve happy. But Steve didn’t need that to be happy. He was happy just to have Eddie, exactly the way he was, without Eddie pretending to be something he wasn’t. He didn’t want Eddie to change for him, even though…yeah he would like to be able to share his own interests with Eddie sometimes. And maybe…

Maybe, if Eddie had started dressing like that gradually, started expressing interest in Steve’s hobbies slowly, he wouldn’t notice how much Eddie had been changing to try to fit in with him. Maybe he would have just assumed Eddie was genuinely branching out his own interests because he felt safe enough to do so without being ridiculed, like…like Steve had slowly done.

But Eddie had appeared so drastically changed that Steve couldn’t help but rebel against it, couldn’t help but clock it as wrong, could only see it for what it was:

Bullshit.

Steve grinned suddenly at that revelation. A bright happiness began filling him until he felt like he was full of fizzy soda and Pop Rocks. He realized that it was bullshit, but he wasn’t. What was bullshit wasn’t his love, or his inability to be exactly like Eddie, but the fact that he tried to be someone he wasn’t. Him trying to change who he was was bullshit. Because Eddie?

Eddie loved him anyways. Eddie loved him even if he was an ex-jock prep who cared about his appearance maybe a little too much, who cared about keeping his home and car clean, who listened to popular catchy music on the radio simply because it was fun. Eddie had fallen in love with Steve because of who he was, not who he could change himself into becoming.

Eddie loved him. And love like that could never be bullshit.

When Steve finally looked Eddie in the eyes again, truly looked and saw and heard everything Eddie had been trying to tell him, he felt tears escape down his cheeks again but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Because he got it now. He understood. Eddie hadn’t wanted him to change, he had just been supporting Steve in what he thought Steve wanted.

“I’m such an idiot,” Steve wetly laughed, throwing his arms around Eddie to bury his face in Eddie’s neck.

“Hey now, don’t insult my husband like that,” Eddie admonished, but his words sounded wet too as his own arms moved to wrap around Steve’s back and hold him close.

“We’re not married yet, asshole. You didn’t even ask me,” he pointed out with a giddy roll of his eyes.

“Right, right, silly me,” Eddie said, and Steve could hear the grin in his voice. “Guess I better go buy a ring first. And ask Buckley for her blessing.” Eddie drew in a shaky breath before huffing it out in a laugh. “Maybe she’ll let me keep my balls now.”

Steve pulled back with a confused furrow to his brows. He hadn’t told Eddie that his balls were in any danger.

When Eddie caught his expression, Eddie rolled his eyes next. “After I left, I spent probably a week trying to process everything, trying to figure out where I went wrong and horrified with myself for unknowingly encouraging you into changing for me, going over every little thing I fucked up. Then Buckley showed up and read me the fucking riot act.” He shuddered. “She’s terrifying.”

“I told her not to do that,” Steve frowned, though his lips twitched at his boyfriend’s dramatics. Christ, he loved him so much. And Eddie, somehow, apparently loved him just as much.

“Well I’m glad she did,” Eddie said with a small chuckle and shake of his head. “We came up with all this together,” he added with an indication of his clothing and the TV. “She heard my side of things and realized that if there’s an idiot in our relationship, it’s me. And then we came up with this plan to show you why I’d never want you to be someone you weren’t. Figured if I showed up completely changed too, you’d realize why it wasn’t what I wanted.”

Anxiety hit Steve suddenly and he stared at Eddie with wide eyes. “Wait, you didn’t actually quit the band, did you? Eddie!”

“No, no, not really.” Eddie paused. “Mostly.” He gave a little wincing smile at Steve’s fierce glare. “I told them what I was going to do, as well as saying that I may end up actually quitting if that’s what you needed of me. Because I meant it, Stevie,” he added with his own fierceness. “I love you more than I love being in the band or anything else. You’re it for me, hot stuff.”

“You are an idiot,” Steve groaned, and he didn’t know if he should be upset with Eddie, relieved, or insanely happy. He somehow felt all three at once, giving Eddie’s arm a small slap. “But I am absolutely determined to have a hot and talented famous rockstar boyfriend, Munson, so you better not quit. Or I’m dumping your ass for Jeff,” he said with a wicked little grin.

“Betrayal!” Eddie gasped, his hand moving to clutch at his shirt over his heart, falling back against the couch cushions dramatically.

Steve merely rolled his eyes again, though he couldn’t keep the deliriously happy smile off his face because this was his boyfriend. This dramatic, goofy, absolute loser of a man. He was so fucking lucky.

“And that station wagon out front?” he asked, eyebrow arching.

“Borrowed,” Eddie grinned, propping himself up with an elbow to look at Steve. “Jeff’s mom’s. Really had to make it authentic, ya know?”

“And the baseball knowledge?”

Eddie laughed at that. “Wayne gave me some pointers. I think he was ecstatic to finally be able to talk to me about sports knowing I would listen. He also says we’re all watching the season finale together.”

Steve just rolled his eyes. “It’s called the World Series, asshole.”

“Kind of pretentious to call it that, don’tcha think, seeing as how it’s only America playing?”

Letting out a huff, Steve crawled over Eddie to look down at him, straddling a thigh as both his brows raised high over his forehead. “You’re ridiculous, I hope you know that. But…” Steve’s expression softened into a small, almost shy smile. “Thank you. For loving me.”

Eddie smiled back up at Steve, settling back against the couch cushions and bringing his arms up to lightly hook over his shoulders and crossing them behind Steve’s neck. “Thank you for letting me,” he replied simply. “Now, will you please go back to my preppy sexy boyfriend who listens to ABBA and complains about bad hair days? I miss him dreadfully.”

Steve felt his happiness bubbling up inside him again, grinning down at Eddie before leaning in to take his lips in a giddy kiss. “Maybe you should take your Iron Maiden shirt back then, right now,” he murmured meaningfully against Eddie’s lips.

Eddie grinned beneath him. “Fuck yeah,” he breathed. “And get this pink monstrosity off too.”

Steve pulled back at that, planting his hand flat on Eddie’s chest to stop him from moving to do just that, causing Eddie to still beneath him. Steve slid his gaze over said pink monstrosity, wetting his lips with darkening eyes.

“No,” he murmured, voice roughened as he slid his gaze back up to Eddie’s widening eyes, a soft pink flush entering pale cheeks. “Keep it on.”

And he did.

At least until it was too ruined to be saved. But they could always buy Eddie another polo later.

Steve’s insecurities weren’t magically gone from one conversation, of course, but it proved to be a great start. There were still moments when Steve felt like he wasn’t good enough, but it helped to know that Eddie felt the same way at times too, that they were both so in love and would do anything for the other person.

After that day, the two worked together to find a new middle ground. Steve still supported Corroded Coffin at all their shows, wearing their shirts and other merch frequently, and even kept his studded leather bracelet that matched Eddie’s own. He went back to wearing his polos in his day-to-day life, however, and styling his hair with near ridiculous amounts of hairspray.

They talked about their hobbies, with Eddie making a mix tape of the metal songs that Steve actually ended up liking, and Eddie even found enjoyment in playing the occasional game of ball with Steve and even Lucas and the others sometimes joined in. (Sure, he mostly liked the way Steve looked all sweaty and flushed with exertion, but he had some genuine fun shooting balls into “laundry baskets” all the same too.)

They made compromises in the movies they watched, the foods they ate, and Steve took on a more passive role during DnD nights. His character decided to strike out on his own, in story, though he would occasionally rejoin the adventurers when their paths crossed, allowing Steve to play when he felt in the mood and sit out when he wasn’t. Steve had even cajoled Nancy into rejoining the game with him sometimes, much to the Party’s (especially Dustin’s) delight.

Eddie never really took to polos for regular wear, though he did wear the occasional Henley and Steve had convinced Eddie to take better care of his hair, helping his boyfriend set up a couple different routines based on the time frame he had to work with before events or daily life, earning numerous compliments on the healthy curls he now regularly sported. Steve loved the mornings where they got to primp together, and even Eddie flushed with happiness when they caught each other’s eyes in the mirror or helped each other fluff their hair.

Eddie also summoned the Party and acted like a drill sergeant as he commanded each of them to give Steve’s car a deep cleaning and detailing, shampooing and vacuuming and waxing the inside and outside until the BMW gleamed like practically new. He also helped enforce the rules about leaving no mess behind, either by forbidding open food containers or by picking up after themselves. Steve was so impressed by it that he couldn’t help dirtying the car a little again by taking Eddie into the backseat after everything.

They took down the posters and flyers and random crap that covered Steve’s walls, though Steve kept up the Black Sabbath and Dio posters, even if he made Eddie straighten them up. He also kept up the Corroded Coffin flag Eddie had made him, though he began adding his own decorations as well through encouragement from Eddie. Eddie even got him a banner for his favorite sports team, hanging it up right next to the Corroded Coffin flag. (Later, when Steve eventually moved out of his parents’ abandoned house, Eddie would cut a swatch of the wallpaper from the wall, framing the bit of plaid for Steve to carrying with them to their eventual shared home.)

Robin was a menace, of course, and continually made passing comments about needing earrings. The threat was not lost on Eddie and he always made certain he showered Steve in praise and confirmed his love for him whenever Robin gave him the stink eye. Steve may or may not sometimes signal when he wanted the threat made, especially around important dates like holidays and anniversaries.

And Eddie did make good on his comment about asking Robin’s permission for a certain question, though in his nervousness and excitement he fumbled actually asking Steve for forever and instead accidentally threw the ring at Steve one night after a dinner he’d tried to make but inevitably burned. They ordered take out and laughed about it, then Steve made certain Eddie never had to doubt his ‘yes’ right there in the kitchen. And living room. And bedroom. And then for good measure in the shower.

Steve always remained a prep, and Eddie always remained a metalhead, but over the years they slowly adopted and adapted bits and pieces of each other’s style, though Eddie couldn’t ever wear a polo to tease Steve without Steve immediately dragging him into bed. Or to the nearest flat surface.

There were days that the insecurities would crop up still, of course, for both of them. These days grew less over the years, the commitment Steve and Eddie felt for each other reflected in the matching rings they wore, exchanged during a small ceremony that, though not legal in the eyes of the law, was no less absolute in their hearts.

Because Steve knew now what those insecurities were, what the voice was that whispered that he would never be good enough for anyone, and he knew what to say when they tried to tear him down. And he would smile when he said it, safe, content, and secure in his and Eddie’s love.

“Bullshit.”

-

As I said before, I am tagging everyone who asked to be tagged, so if I’ve accidentally missed you or tagged the wrong person, I apologize. It’s a lot of people. Heh.

Tagged: @derythcorvinus @katyawriteswhump @gobbledy-gluk-gluk @petalsandpixels @coolgirldad @xxbottlecapx @yesdangerpls @lawrencebshoggoth @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @miss-wright

@brainsteddielyrotted @nerdyglassescheeseychick @ohimamarigold @sofadofax @moss-g0blin @secretly-kait @blossomingblueberries @my-love-of-books @blounette @p0lybl4nkk

@sapphicsforsteve @wearespacedust @mae-liz @stripey82 @tinyplanet95 @0mochiia0 @sunnycycle @jaytriesstrangerthings @hotluncheddie @dragonmama76

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@thedragonsaunt @bookworm0690 @brazenliar @samsoble @wrenisflying @queenie-ofthe-void @breealtair @highqueenhalalie @steddieassheg0es @theintrovertedintrovert

(rest of tags will be in a reblog, did not realize how many I had agreed to lol my bad)

[keeryhours]

wildflower chapter four

Eddie Munson x Henderson! female reader, Steve Harrington x reader

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Eddie Munson Masterlist

Summary:

Eddie shows up drunk.

Warnings:

Drinking, Eddie being a perv, angst, secret baby

Word Count: 3k

A/N:

Shout out to @punkrockmlchael for the help with this one!

—

It was a week later, and Eddie hadn’t seen or heard from you again. Not that he had tried. He knew what Wayne thought, what he thought, too, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone, or drive to your apartment and demand to talk. He was a coward.

Now, he was drinking again, just like he’d done every day since he’d found out.

“Eddie’s here!”

The band cheered as Eddie walked into The Hideout, clearly after already pre gaming at home. He was already swaying as he approached the bar where Gareth, Jeff, and Doug sat, and they noticed immediately.

“Rough night?” Gareth asked with an eyebrow raised as Eddie sat down next to him, ordering a round of shots.

“You have no fuckin’ idea,” Eddie mumbled, downing a shot the second they were placed in front of him. Gareth reached for one but Eddie waved him off. “These are for me, fucker.”

Gareth backed off, hands up defensively. “Okay, okay. What’s up with you?”

Eddie downed three more shots in succession. Jeff and Doug were staring at him, too - sure, Eddie liked to drink, but not like this. Something was obviously very wrong.

“Talk to us, man,” Jeff added.

Eddie ordered some more shots. He would need them. “I got some…news.”

If the boys weren’t concerned before, they certainly were now. “What, are you dying or something?” Gareth asked, genuinely worried for his friend despite his wording.

Eddie laughed, but there wasn’t much humor behind it. “No.”

“Well what’s up then, man?” Doug asked. “You’re worrying us.”

Eddie downed another two shots. He was on his way to a blackout. “I have a son.”

It went silent. Then, the guys all broke out into nervous laughter. “Good one, man,” Gareth said, his voice uncertain. Eddie didn’t look like he was joking, but he had to be. There was no way he had a kid.

“I’m serious,” Eddie said, his eyes locked on the shots in front of him. “I have a son. He’s almost 2. His name is Asher.” He downed another. “And I’ve never met him. Don’t know shit about him, b’sides what he looks like. I dunno what he likes, or if he’s anything like me. I don’t know shit.”

Gareth, Jeff, and Doug were silent. They exchanged a confused look. Finally, Gareth spoke up again. “Ed, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I told you.” Eddie slammed down another shot glass, causing the guys to jump. “I have a kid. A son.”

“Are you being serious?” Jeff asked, nursing his own beer. The guys would all need a drink after this conversation.

“Yes,” Eddie said. “I just found out.”

It was silent for a minute. “With who?” Gareth asked. “A groupie? Or…” It dawned on the group at once. “Oh shit.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed, voice slurring even more heavily, “Oh shit.”

“How…what the fuck?” Gareth said, trying to wrap his mind around the situation. “She didn’t tell you?”

Another shot. “Nope.”

“So she just…talked to you while we were gone, and never mentioned anything?” Doug asked.

Eddie laughed humorlessly again, looking down at the empty shot glass in his hand. “I never called her,” he admitted. “Like a fucking idiot.”

“What the hell, man?” Gareth asked, looking at Eddie incredulously. “You never called her? I thought you loved her.”

Eddie waved a hand. “I don’t need the lecture all over again, Gare.”

Eddie drank himself stupid that night. The guys tried to get him to slow down, but he wasn’t having any of it. By the time the other bandmates were nearing drunk, Eddie was beyond wasted, barely able to sit up on the barstool.

“I gotta go,” he slurred, taking multiple tries to stand up.

“Where you going?” Gareth asked.

Eddie didn’t answer. He stumbled his way out of the bar, into the car waiting for him. He gave the driver the address that hadn’t left his head for a single second.

—

Your mind had been racing with thoughts of Eddie since the argument. You thought about calling him, but you felt that it was his responsibility to step up if that’s what he wanted to do. You weren’t going to chase him, that was for sure.

Asher was spending the night at your mom’s again, giving you the night to yourself. Your mom and Dustin loved their grandma and Uncle Dusty time, and you were grateful for the break, because you felt like you’d been going crazy since Eddie came back into your life.

You were just getting comfortable in bed when there was a knock at the door.

You checked the clock on the bedside table. 12am. Who the fuck would be knocking on your door in the middle of the night?

You grabbed the baseball bat Steve insisted you keep for protection and cautiously neared the front door. You peered through the peephole, seeing nothing but blackness. That was weird.

You kept the top chain bolt hooked in as you unlocked the door and opened it the few inches it allowed you. The figure on the other side, who had apparently been leaning against the door, stumbled forward. “Oh, shit,” he uttered, catching his balance with a giggle.

You narrowed your eyes. “Eddie?”

“Hey, baby,” he slurred, some attempt at a flirtatious smirk on his face. “Can I come in?”

“Jesus Christ, you’re wasted,” you remarked, observing how incredibly drunk he looked. He was sweating, his cheeks flushed red, and he smelled like alcohol. “Fuck. Come in, I guess.”

You unlocked the chain bolt and opened the door wide, letting him stumble inside. He knocked over the picture frames by the front door as he came in, and you cursed under your breath as you sat the bat down and picked them up.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You asked him, watching as he collapsed onto your couch with a little “Oof.”

“‘s he here?” Eddie slurred, looking around the apartment.

“Who? Asher?” You asked.

“Yeah.”

“No. He’s at my mom’s.” And good thing, you thought, because this was the last way he needed to meet his father.

“Claudia?”

“…Yeah. Claudia’s still my mom.”

Eddie heaved a heavy sigh. “She always liked me.”

“Yeah, well,” you said, adjusting the frames he had knocked over back the way you had them, “a lot has changed since you disappeared on us.”

“‘m really sorry,” Eddie said, catching you by surprise. “I was so stupid. So fuckin’ stupid.” He looked like he might be starting to cry as he wiped at his face. “I missed you every day.”

You felt yourself start to soften, despite your anger at what he had done. “I missed you, too. That’s why it hurt so bad.”

Eddie shook his head, wild curls bouncing. “So fuckin’ stupid. Big fuckin’ idiot. Dumbest person on the planet.”

You sighed, sitting on the couch next to him. He really reeked like alcohol. “It’s okay, Eds. You’re drunk. We don’t need to talk about it right now.”

He turned to you abruptly, grabbing onto your hands and catching you by surprise. “I love you. Y’know that? I’ve always loved you. I still love you. I’ll always love you.”

Your expression softened to one of pity and hurt. You’d wanted to hear those words for so long, but not while he was wasted on your couch after not hearing a word from him for two years. “Come on, Eddie. You reek. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

You helped him off the couch and to the bathroom. You ran a hot shower, helping peel off his gross clothes. You had seen Eddie naked a million times, so you weren’t bothered. But he kept trying to grab at you, and he was half hard as you got him undressed.

“Not tonight, big boy,” you told him as you pushed him into the shower. Eddie grumbled under his breath.

“Come in with me,” he begged, and you weren’t planning to, but you were getting soaked trying to keep him upright and help him wash. You pulled off your pajamas, stepping into the shower as Eddie gave you a wolfish grin.

“No touching,” you reminded him sternly.

He held his hands up. “Yes ma’am. Looking only.”

You rolled your eyes as you put some shampoo in the palm of your hand and began washing his wild hair. Eddie closed his eyes and hummed as you massaged his scalp, relaxing beneath your touch. He stumbled as he nearly fell asleep from the feeling.

“Woah, I’m gonna need you to stay awake for me,” you told him, pushing him under the stream of water to rinse the shampoo out. “I can’t drag you out of here if you pass out on me.”

“‘m not gonna pass out,” he assured you, but you weren’t sure if you fully believed him.

You lathered conditioner into his hair then put some body wash on your loofah. You scrubbed his whole body, washing away the sweat and alcohol. He wiggled his eyebrows at you as you washed him, but you ignored him.

As you washed his body, you noticed a new tattoo you’d never seen before - your name in a swirling script, right on his hip. He certainly hadn’t had that when he left. Your heart clenched in your chest, but you pushed the feelings away.

You pushed him under the water a final time, rinsing him off, before you switched spots with him and washed yourself, too. Might as well.

You turned the shower head off and climbed out, grabbing three towels. You wrapped one around your body and one around your hair and handed the third to Eddie. He shook his head like a dog, sprinkling water all around the bathroom as you glared at him.

Eddie dried himself off, leaning against the shower wall for support. When he was done, you helped him out and back into the living room.

“I think I have some of Steve’s sweatpants around here somewhere…” you mumbled to yourself as you left Eddie on the couch and walked into your bedroom, digging through your dresser drawers. You felt triumphant as you found the grey sweatpants, returning to the living room with them.

You handed them to Eddie, but quickly found he was too drunk to dress himself. You pulled him up, and he held onto your shoulders as you helped him step into the pants one leg at a time, like you would with Asher.

He fell back onto the couch again. You helped him lay down and covered him with the blanket on the back of the couch. “Get some sleep,” you told him. “You’re gonna feel like shit in the morning.”

You turned to walk away, but you were stopped by Eddie grabbing onto your hand. You turned, seeing his sleepy eyes looking up at you.

“Please don’t leave me,” he said, sounding pathetically sad. Despite yourself, you felt bad for him.

“I can’t fit on the couch with you, Eds,” you told him.

“Can I sleep in your bed with you?”

Your mouth opened to tell him no, but the words didn’t come out. You thought for a moment. “Yeah, I guess.”

Eddie smiled, and you helped him up and into your bedroom. He fell onto your bed, snuggling into the blankets and pillows. “So comfy,” he muttered, voice muffled into the pillow.

You climbed into bed next to him, even more exhausted now. It was seconds later when you heard soft snores from next to you, and you couldn’t help smiling softly to yourself. It felt so domestic, so familiar, you could almost imagine it was years ago and this was your normal.

But things were different now.

—

Eddie woke the next morning with the worst pounding headache. The sunlight through the window burned his eyes, and he pulled the blankets over his head with a groan.

The first thing he noticed was that the smell of the detergent was unfamiliar. He opened his eyes again, seeing the clean bedroom, the light purple comforter, the framed photos decorating the space. He looked to the side and saw a bottle of water and some Tylenol waiting for him.

He recognized the room immediately. He was at your apartment again. God, what the fuck did I do?

He popped the medicine bottle open and took 3 of them, washing them down with the water. He was shirtless, dressed in some grey sweatpants he didn’t recognize.

He cautiously crawled out of bed, taking the time to make it before he left the room. He found you in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. It smelled delicious, and he saw eggs and pancakes waiting on the counter as you fried the bacon. You turned as you heard his footsteps.

“Good morning,” you greeted, and he couldn’t tell if you were upset with him or not.

“Morning,” he said, tentatively approaching you. “Uh, did we…?”

“No,” you answered simply. You removed the pan from the heat and plated the bacon. “You should eat. I’m sure you feel like shit.”

He definitely did. You made plates for both of you, and he sat at the kitchen table across from you. “What…what happened last night?” He asked, before quickly digging into the breakfast feast you’d prepared.

“Well, you showed up at my door completely wasted,” you said, picking at your own plate. “I gave you a shower because you smelled like a bottle of whiskey. Then you asked to sleep in my bed with me.” You didn’t mention the way he’d tried for more.

Eddie’s cheeks blushed red with embarrassment. “Jesus. I’m so sorry.”

You shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“Is…”

“No, Asher isn’t here.”

Eddie breathed a sigh of relief. He would feel even more like the worst dad in the world if he’d met his son for the first time in that state. “Look, I was thinking…”

You looked up at him. “What?”

Eddie took a bite of his eggs, stalling. He realized you’d made them just the way he preferred them, even though you liked your eggs softer. “I’d like to meet him.”

You thought for a moment, pushing your food around your plate. “Yeah. We could do that.”

Eddie was surprised at the amount of relief he felt. He wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d said no. “Can I ask about him?”

You raised your eyebrows. “Yeah, of course.”

“What’s his favorite color?”

You smiled to yourself. “Blue. Like Thomas.”

Eddie smiled, too. “He likes trains?”

“Loves them.”

“What does he like to watch?”

“Mostly Sesame Street,” you said, “but he’s starting to get into the Ninja Turtles now.”

Eddie laughed. He could picture the little boy dancing to the theme song. “Is he anything like me?”

“God,” you said, huffing a small laugh. “Just like you.”

Eddie felt pride at that answer, for some reason. “Yeah?”

“Hell yes,” you said, shaking your head as you took a bite of bacon. “He’s wild. Loves to climb. He loves music, especially metal. He watches the music videos on MTV and tries to headbang along with them. He’s got the hair for it.”

Eddie laughed hard. “Oh my god. I’ve got to see that.”

It went quiet again as the two of you ate, and Eddie lost himself in his thoughts. He thought about how much he’d missed, how his son didn’t even know who he was. When he spoke up again, his tone was serious. “Does he know he has a dad?”

You paused, thinking of how to answer. “I…don’t think he really understands yet,” you said finally. “I guess he kind of sees Steve as a father figure, since he’s around all the time.”

That made Eddie feel sick to his stomach. The idea of Steve being a dad to his kid made him angry - even though he knew he didn’t really have the right to be. He was the one who left and never called, after all.

“But you know,” you said, sensing the hurt Eddie was feeling, “it’s not too late.”

Eddie nodded. He knew that was true. He had a lot to make up for, but Asher was young enough that he could make up for lost time. And he was determined to.

“When do you think I could meet him?” Eddie asked.

You thought for a moment. “You could come over tomorrow?”

Eddie smiled softly. “I’d like that.” He ate another bite of eggs. “Wayne wants to meet him, too.”

You smiled at the mention of his uncle. “I’ve missed Wayne.”

Eddie snorted. “He’s missed you too, believe me.”

The two of you finished the rest of your breakfast in silence. Eddie washed up after - it was the least he could do, he said, after you had essentially taken care of him last night. When he was done, you met him in the living room with his clothes from last night, freshly washed and dried. He felt guilty and grateful as he took them from you.

He changed back into his own clothes in your bedroom. When he was done, he examined the photos decorating the room that he hadn’t noticed when he’d been here before. There were plenty of Asher - he featured in most of them, in fact. Photos of you with Claudia and Dustin, with Steve and Robin. He even found the photo from when you and Eddie had gone to prom together among them. He smiled at the memory, looking at your high school selves. You looked happy. Happier than he’d seen you since he’d gotten back.

He wondered if he was the one who’d taken that sparkle out of your eyes.

When he left the bedroom, you were curled on the couch, watching an episode of Freddy’s Nightmares. Eddie approached, watching over your shoulder for a minute.

“I should probably get going,” he said, startling you. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t hear you,” you laughed lightly. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow? He wakes up from his nap around 2:30.”

“Yeah. Sounds good.” Eddie headed to the door, and you followed. “I’ll see you then.”

“Bye, Eds.”

“Bye.”

You closed the door behind him, locking it. You’d be going to pick up Asher soon, but for now you’d sit in the peace and quiet. You leaned your back against the door, thinking that maybe things could be okay.

tag list

@awkward00noodle @american-idiot-jpg @georgeweasleyslostearhq @fandom-princess-forevermore @emxxblog @hopesicle @hellv1ra @whimsiwitchy @avalon-wolf @kellsck @toomuchbucky @sashaphantomhive @losingmygrasponreality @the-disaster-in-waiting @eddiesgirl1944 @ashcal99 @richardsamboramylove55 @ilovetaquitosmmmm @allhailtheslothoverlord @micheledawn1975 @browneyes528 @costellation-hunter @taccobelle

[unclewaynemunson]

Eddie can hear from Steve's breathing that he's sleeping deeply and he's wondering how the hell he can possibly be asleep right now. His own mind is spinning and he kinda feels like he might throw up soon. Steve went to sleep with his back to Eddie and now Eddie can do nothing but stare at his silhouette in the dark.

He doesn't really understand what happened: they had this big fight and the word slipped out of his mouth before he even realized it did. The one word he had promised Steve to never say to him. And then Steve stormed out and Eddie just fucking stood there, unable to move and nauseous as hell, tears prickling behind his eyes. By the time his brain started working again and he realized he should probably go look for Steve, he could already have gone anywhere.

Half an agonizing hour later he returned; Eddie didn't give a shit about their stupid fight anymore and tried to apologize, but Steve... wouldn't let him. I know you didn't mean it like that, was all he said. It's okay, but I'm really exhausted, so let's go to bed first and talk about it in the morning.

The worst part is that he doesn't know what he should prepare himself for. Steve has never done anything like this before, but Eddie sure as hell recognizes the signs: waving him off, attempting to make him feel safe, so he'll let his guard down and then it'll all come crashing down on him. He can hear his mother's voice again, so clearly that she might as well be standing right at his bedside:

No, of course I'm not mad at you, Eddie. You couldn't help it, it's not your fault.

Have you already forgotten about what you've done, Eddie? Looks like I have to punish you after all.

The worst one had been after his dad got locked up, five whole years of jailtime ahead of him. He had never been behind bars for more than a couple months on end before. And Eddie had been with him when it happened. No, worse: he had run away.

You couldn't help it, Eddie, you were scared, and you couldn't have gotten him out of it anyway.

He had been grateful for his mom's understanding words, had finally lowered his guard when she even made him a hot cocoa before bed. It only took one restless night of sleep until he'd find out what she really thought about him: a coward, a sissy, someone who didn't know what loyalty was. Didn't he love his father? Would he like to see his own dad rot in jail? She was often cruel with her words, but the times she was cruel with her hands were a rarity.

Eddie had never viewed Steve as being anything like his mother, but with yesterday's events in his mind and Steve unreachable on the other side of the bed, he supposes it's more than justified. However shit will go down tomorrow morning, he will most certainly deserve it.

------

He must've somehow drifted off in the early hours before morning, because he wakes up to light pouring through the windows and - an empty space on Steve's side of the bed.

He quietly slips out from under the blankets and tiptoes to the door, but when he peers around the corner, he finds the living room empty. Upon further inspection, the kitchen and the bathroom both turn out to be abandoned as well. Steve's nowhere to be seen. A new wave of nausea washes over Eddie when he realizes that things must be even worse than he was expecting.

He remembers those times, too: the times when his mother would disappear, sometimes for a couple hours, sometimes for days on end. When he was little, he'd get hungry. As he grew older and learned to take care of himself, he'd only get scared. When she'd finally get back, she'd tell him that he shouldn't be so dramatic, that surely she'd told him where she was off to and for how long she'd be gone. Sometimes, she'd even tell him that no, she hadn't been away for three days, she had only gone to the store, what the hell was he talking about?

When the realization hits him that Steve might never come back - the same realization that used to cause the paralyzing fear whenever his mom disappeared - it becomes difficult to breathe. He staggers and stumbles into the bedroom, where he starts randomly pulling the doors of their closets and dresser drawers open in a desperate attempt to see if all of Steve's clothes are still there. His polos are hanging in a neat row in the closet, and his underwear dresser is filled just fine. His toothbrush is still in the bathroom, just like his shaving cream and his medication: that should be enough confirmation that at least he'll come back but maybe that's exactly what he wants Eddie to think and he can't breathe anymore and -

-------

A good night's sleep and a morning run are the perfect cure for just about everything, if you ask Steve. He comes home all sweaty and short of breath, but feeling better than he has in days. His head is clear and yesterday's fight suddenly seems almost insignificant. He opens the door, ready to make some coffee and finally properly talk with Eddie, who was still fast asleep when he left the house two hours ago.

But when he calls out a "Hi, babe!" the apartment stays eerily quiet. There's no trace of Eddie in the kitchen, nor in the living room, and Steve wonders if maybe he has gone out to get some snacks. He shrugs and walks into the bedroom to take off his sweaty sports clothes - and chuckles quietly to himself when he sees the mop of dark curls above the blanket.

'Eddie, it's almost noon, man,' he says while walking up to the bed. It's only then that he notices that all their drawers and closets are opened, as if Eddie had been frantically searching for something.

'Have you been sleepwalking again?'

He goes to sit down on the bed, right next to the lump of the blanket that is Eddie's sleeping body. When Eddie still doesn't move, Steve gently combs a hand over the curls and then pulls back the blanket.

'Hey there.'

He traces a thumb over Eddie's cheek, which finally causes him to jolt up. Steve immediately clocks that there's a look on his face that can only be described as concerning: something frantic and fearful is radiating from those big brown eyes he knows so well.

'You came back,' Eddie sighs out when he sees it's Steve who woke him.

Steve frowns. 'Of course I came back. Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?'

'How long were you -'

There are tears in Eddie's eyes now, and he looks more scared than Steve has seen him look in years.

'Oh, baby, it's okay, I'm here,' he says, opening his arms to catch Eddie in an embrace. 'I was only gone on a run. Yesterday was pretty intense, remember? So I wanted to clear my head while you were sleeping in. I've only been away for two hours or so.'

Eddie slumps heavily against Steve's chest; his whole body is trembling like a leaf.

'What happened, baby?'

'What day is it?'

'Jesus, Eddie, you're scaring me. It's Saturday.'

Eddie lifts up his head; his cheeks are red and puffy and wet.

'Saturday?' Eddie repeats, voice sharp and frantic again. 'Is that true? Are you telling the truth?'

'Yes, what's going on, Eddie? Why would I - oh.' He doesn't need to finish that question to understand exactly what's happening, and he quietly curses himself for being so blind to it. 'Oh, fuck, Eddie, I didn't mean to - I'm so sorry.'

Not giving a shit about his sweaty sports clothes, he pushes Eddie a little bit to make space and crawls under the blanket beside him. He pulls him in his arms, cradling his head with his hand, and keeps repeating sweet-nothings like I'm here and I'm not going anywhere and I love you and I'm sorry for scaring you until Eddie has finally stopped trembling and his breathing is back to normal again.

'You're here,' Eddie finally says. His voice is creaky in a way that's breaking Steve's heart.

Steve leans forward to press a kiss against his temple.

'I'm here,' he repeats. 'And I promise you I would never do anything like the shit your mother used to pull, alright?'

'Watch out with that,' Eddie says. 'I also promised to never call you bullshit.'

Steve utters a sound that's somewhere between a sniff and a huff. 'Was that - a joke? Did you seriously just go from full breakdown to cracking jokes?'

Eddie hums something unintelligible and lets his eyes fall close while he nestles himself into a more comfortable position in Steve's arms.

'Why did you think I would ever do something like your mom?' Steve's question is almost a whisper.

Eddie sighs deeply. 'Because yesterday,' he says, burying his head against Steve's chest. 'It was too easy. You should've been mad, but you forgave me right away. And then you went to sleep with your back towards me and I - I had the whole night to spiral further about it. And then I woke up and you weren't there and - I dunno, my head was running wild, man.'

Too easy. That's exactly what it feels like, sometimes, with Eddie. To hear him say bullshit and know he doesn't do it to intentionally hurt him. To have a fight and know that they still love each other through it all. To come home in the apartment they share and have coffee together every day. It's too easy, too good to be true. Not something either of them ever thought they could have with someone. But they do. Even if they both take their damaged hearts with them. Even if they've both been raised on cruelty instead of love. Maybe it's not too easy after all; maybe they simply need to learn the difference between easy and too easy. Maybe easy is exactly what they deserve to share with each other.

Steve brushes some stray hairs out of Eddie's face. His cheeks are still swollen and his eyes are red. And it's never been easier to love him.

[midsummer-semantics]

if the world was ending

Okay, I told myself I wasn't going to write anything for @steddieangstyaugust but apparently I lied (I'm sorry)

Here's for day 1: Second Chance

CW: Slight agoraphobia

[not posted to AO3 but you can find other things there.]

When the earthquake hits, he’d like to say he thinks about his parents first. That he wonders where they are and if they're safe or if they’d hear about it from wherever they are in the world. If they’d call to check on him, even though they never did before.

He'd like to say he thinks about Robin, who's two states away studying for a graduate degree in International relations and communication, and likely doesn't feel the ground moving beneath her feet like he does.

Hell, he'd like to say he thinks about the kids, but most of them are scattered themselves, starting college programs (Will, Mike, Dustin) or sports training camps (Lucas) or exploring the West Coast (Max and El).

No, Steve is alone in his big, empty house when it hits, and the only thing on his mind is that they were wrong. Indiana doesn't get earthquakes, so something else has to be afoot. Six years since they defeated Vecna, since everyone tried to move on with their lives while Steve stayed because that's what he does, he stays.

A touchstone Dustin had called him once. Something to do with foundation and a connecting center. Steve still thinks it might have just been him and the rest of the group trying to make him feel better about still being stuck in the same house, in the same town, doing nothing and going nowhere.

He's alone and he thinks 'This is it. What I've been waiting for.'

He has a 6-year-old emergency pack stored that should have more dust on it if it wasn't for the way he chronically checks it. His trusty bat and a duplicate he made just in case, plus the ax he used the last time, are all near enough to the door. He's not sure what the protocol is for earthquakes, having grown up in the Midwest, but he's pretty sure he's not supposed to be indoors, right?

It doesn't last very long, but it doesn't matter. A few seconds of the ground shaking and rolling beneath his feet are enough to jumpstart him into action.

He's gathering supplies, cursing himself for taking too long, when the phone in the kitchen rings.

He should ignore it, knows that whatever or whoever it is can wait until he's secured the area and alerted the cavalry that something is happening. It'll take days for people to get here and Steve thinks he might he able to hold off whatever's coming out of whatever rift has sprung up until then, but he doesn't have time to think about it too hard.

The phone rings off the hook as Steve takes too damn long to double-check that nothing is in the house before he even attempts to go outside, and Steve knows he can't just leave it. Not in case it's someone who's still in town who knows he's here: Mrs. Wheeler, Claudia, Jim or Joyce.

He nearly rips the cord out of the wall when he answers.

"Stevie?!" comes the frantic voice of the person he least expects to be on the other side.

"Eddie?"

"Steve, oh my god." He can hear Eddie panting. "Are you okay?"

It's the first time Steve's heard Eddie's voice in five years. Since Eddie made good on his promise to run like hell out of here, something he'd repeated to anyone who would listen until he finally did. Five years since Steve had realized he was halfway in love with him after saving the world and never got to say anything because he was a coward and Eddie was leaving anyway so what was the point?

He'd gotten one phone call when Eddie arrived in Denver and it's been radio silence since then. Truthfully, he couldn't blame the guy, but Steve had had... thoughts... feelings... probably brought on by end-of-the-world shit but nonetheless. And then Eddie just—

Vanished.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?" he asks.

"We're good," Eddie replies, and only then does he hear the rough grumble of Eddie's uncle in the background, asking why Eddie's on the phone at nearly 3 in the morning.

"Earthquake, old man," Eddie shouts, still too close to the receiver for Steve's already damaged hearing.

Oh.

So, Eddie's in town. Cool. Steve had no idea. Doesn't know when Eddie got in or if he ever intended to tell Steve he was here at all. That's fine.

"Sorry, Stevie. Woke Wayne up. Shit— did I wake you up too?"

Steve swallows harshly, shaking his head even though Eddie can't see it. "No, I was already awake."

"Me too," Eddie replies. "Jet lag. Just got in a few hours ago. What a welcome home, huh?"

"Sure," Steve says, wondering what the point of this call is. "Look, I'm glad to hear from you, but I really need to—"

"Wait!" Steve shuts his mouth, his teeth clacking harshly. "It's fine. Everything is fine."

"Dude, there was an earthquake just now—"

"And it wasn't You-Know-What related," Eddie states, a bit of his franticness back in his voice. "They're leveling part of the plant for safety issues. Wanted to do it at night so no one would freak out." Steve cringes. Hawkins wasn't exactly magnanimous about the rebuilding efforts last time, but he doesn't go to city council meetings to hear about what the efforts might have been since then. "That's part of why I'm home. Wayne's got an extended leave until they sort out what else to do."

Steve sighs, dropping the emergency pack on the floor and leaning the ax he'd managed to grab against the wall. "Oh. Great. Wish they'd have told everyone else just in case."

"I know, sweetheart. But everything is okay."

Sweetheart.

Steve's actual heart skips a beat hearing that again.

"I'll be back, sweetheart. I promise."

"So... you're here then? In Hawkins?"

There's a beat of silence, some shuffling on the other end. "Well, yeah. I told you I'd come back."

"For your uncle."

"He's part of it."

Steve hesitates, hating himself for even considering getting his hopes up.

"And the other part?"

"My guy is here."

When the earthquake hit, he’d like to say he thought about his parents first.

No, he'd thought it was the end of the world. And above that, all he could think about was Eddie.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | June 3rd-23th 2024 ~ Fics

Sorry for skipping a two weeks! I had a work thing the weekend before before last and work is a bit busy at the moment so I couldn't get to it during the week. Hope you enjoy!

Complete

Take the Lead by Inell/ @inell (Getting Together, Post-S7 | 1,3K | Teen): Buck and Eddie finally have a conversation that they’ve needed to have for months, if not years.

take me out and take me home by bellabrady (Getting Together | 1,7K | Not Rated): Maddie has been texting him, asking him if he’s asked Buck yet and reassuring him that he’ll say yes, although after a few days, it seems her patience started to run out and the reassurance kind of turned into bullying. So he’s going to do it. He’s going to ask Buck out on a date, today. Partially because he wants to finally be with Buck and this will hopefully be the start of that and partially because he’s getting tired of Maddie texting him that he’s a coward — Or: Buck and Eddie finally go on a date.

thanks, babe! by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (Getting Together | 1,8K | Teen): Eddie accidentally calls Buck babe and refuses to have a meltdown over it. It was just his subconscious betraying him because they were surrounded by couples, right? Right?!

hit the jackpot by coupe_de_foudre/ @panevanbuckley (Canon Divergent, 1x09: Trapped | 2K | General): “I’m your husband.” “You’re my husband? Holy shit!”

baby don't you know? (you're my golden hour) by ipretendtobesane/ @useramor (Post-S6 | Getting Together | 2K | General): Eddie will give him this: Chimney does wait months after Buck’s out of his coma and back by his side to bring it up. “How come you and Buck haven’t told anyone you’re together?”

I wish I could help by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (Post-7x05: You Don't Know Me, PWP | 2K | Explicit): Eddie is so pent up he can barely focus on his job – and Buck is all too happy to help. That’s just what friends do.

the 'i' in ikea stands for 'i love you' by ipretendtobesane/ / @useramor (Getting Together, Didn't Know They Were Dating | 2,8K | Teen): buck has some life changing realizations in the curtain section of ikea. mainly, he's really, really in love with his best friend.

Chance Encounter by Inell / @inell (Canon Divergent, Shannon Lives, Divorced Eddie/Shannon, S4 | 3K | Teen): When Eddie and Buck go to the Hollywood Farmer’s Market, Eddie doesn’t expect to run into his ex-wife for the first time since moving to LA two years ago.

(for every question why) you were my because by thatbuddie (talktothesky) (Post-S7, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): “Being boyfriends and being friends is really different,” Buck says. “But if you’re so okay being friends with him,” Eddie explains, “It means there wasn’t anything he did wrong while being your boyfriend. So I don’t understand why you broke up with him.” “I didn’t break up with him because he did anything wrong.” Eddie opens his arms wide and then lets them drop down to hit the side of his thighs. “But then what happened? I just don’t understand. What happened?” “You! That’s what happened: You!” (or, Buck breaks up with Tommy but won’t talk about it, and Eddie just needs to know why.)

of bake sales and overdue realizations by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Getting Together | 4,8K | Teen): Eddie doesn’t notice it until it becomes a thing that happens even when it’s just him and Buck, without Chris anywhere near them - but even then, he doesn’t find it strange, or give it much thought. Buck is the one who starts ending their phone calls with a quick ‘love you’ but it doesn't take long before Eddie does the same, often beating him to it.

one single static frame by signetsealed/ @gayeddieagenda (Post-S7, Pre-Buddie | 5K | General): Chris is gone and Buck and Eddie are called on for babysitting duty. Eddie has feelings about it.

some version of you that I might not have (but I did not lose) by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Coma Dream, Pre-Buddie | 5K | Teen): Either Eddie is dreaming and can't wake up, or he's losing his mind. He's not sure which one is more likely.

Baby Got Buck by bgonemydear, Chash/ @ponyregrets (Pre-canon to S7 | 5K | Mature): Five times Buck checked out a guy's ass before he figured out he was bi, and one time someone checked out his after.

sounding like the rest of my life by coupe_de_foudre/ @panevanbuckley (Canon Divergent, Getting Together | 6K | General): or, Eddie does a Ravi and swaps shifts for a bit, only everyone on B Shift is convinced that he and Buck are married. they might not be as wrong as Eddie initially thought.

buried deep, our love comes home by lookforanewangle (Post-3x15: Eddie Begins | 7K | Teen): “You care for him.” “Of course I do,” Buck says, gaze back on Eddie against his will. He squeezes Eddie’s hand again. “He’s my best friend.” “That’s not what I meant.” “I—I don’t—Bobby, it-it’s not like that—” or: After a traumatic few days, Buck and Eddie get their shit together.

i told my future by reading your lips by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (2x06: Dosed, Time Travel | 7K | Teen): In 2018, on their way to a call at a child beauty pageant, and feeling a little strange, Buck and Eddie are suddenly thrown into a fast-paced look at some key moments from their future. And, what they see? Well it can only lead to one logical conclusion.

oh, come when you're called by lesbianrobin/ @lesbianrobin (Post-S7 | 8K | Teen): Chris wants his dad. He wants his bed. But he can't have those yet, and he and Dad never really text because if Dad’s not working they’re usually together or one of them is too busy to text, so texting Dad feels weird, but Buck… He can text Buck.

🔥 Saints into the Sea by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Post-7x05: You Don't Know Me, Coming Out, Jealous Eddie | 8K | Teen): There's an itch between his shoulder blades when Buck talks about Tommy, when Buck asks Eddie if he wants to join the two of them for a drink after work, when Buck smiles at a text message and Eddie knows it's from Tommy. His stomach had been twisted in knots for half of Maddie and Chim's wedding, watching the two of them. There's only one awful, inevitable conclusion: Eddie isn't actually as comfortable with Buck's coming out as he thought he was. Which is, frankly, unacceptable.

If You Want It, You Can Have It by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Post-S7, Halloween, Identity Porn | 9K | Mature): Buck just wants to enjoy a Halloween night out with the 118, drinking and dancing and making fun of Ravi's costume, all the while trying to handle his newfound feelings for Eddie. He thinks he's being smart, trying to get over his best friend, or at the very least, keep his secret under wraps. He ends up doing the exact opposite. It ends up yielding great results.

🔥 We're at an Impasse Here; Maybe We Should Compromise by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Post-S7 | 9K | Teen): "You cannot murder anyone," says Maddie. "Also, if you were going to murder your captain, it would be very stupid to write murder down as your top idea for how to deal with him." "It's on a dry erase board!" Chim protests. So far, all he's written on the board is Ways to Deal with Capt Gerrasshole, and then 1. Murder? below it. "And I put a question mark. So even if I didn't erase it, the jury would never convict. A question mark introduces reasonable doubt."

friends don't mean nothing to me (it's us) by Kwills91/ @kwills91 (Pre-S2, Canon Divergent | 15K | Teen): Buck and Eddie meet before he joins the 118, and it just might be the balm he needs to get over Abby. But when Eddie starts working at the station, Buck doesn't understand why Hen and Chim keep looking at them that way, or why Bobby seems to think they're dating.

🔥 when the longer days of sun appear, they'll be rising like an answered prayer by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Post-S7, Fake Relationship | 18K | Explicit): Eddie is generally worried when Tommy and Buck break up because Tommy's ex moved back to town, and even more worried when that leaves Buck without a date to a wedding. So, of course, Eddie's going to help him out with all of that.

🔥 like a bird stealing bread out from under your nose by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S7, Fix-It | 21K | Mature): If you’d asked Eddie back in May what rock bottom looked like, it was his son leaving him. That felt like it; everything ruined so entirely that there was no way to ruin it further. There’s always more to lose.

🔥 some things fall when they're meant to fall by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (Post S7E5 | 25K | Teen): Eddie’s gaze drop to Buck’s lips—pink, like his birthmark. Eddie wants to taste those lips, and he wants it with a fierceness so sudden it shocks him. “I’m, uh,” Buck stammers. “Last night. When you saw me and Tommy…we—we were on a date.” Everything inside Eddie goes still. If his heart is a kite, then this is the moment it plummets back to earth. or, Buck tells Eddie some news. Eddie has a realization and breaks up with his girlfriend. Not necessarily in that order.

🔥 that magic feeling by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (S7 Fix-It | 42K | Explicit): An alternate ending to season 7, in which Eddie doesn't completely blow his life up, and he and Buck realise they're in love.

🔥 ripples all the way down by iriswests/ @fcntasmas (Getting Together, S4 | 52K | Mature): With some coercion, Buck allows Maddie to set him up on a date. Surprisingly, the date goes well — and it keeps his mind off the unnamable feelings he’s been studiously ignoring for his best friend. Until Christopher’s science report on gentoo penguins — no, seriously — sets off a series of events that has him somehow spending more time at the Diazes’ side, and he feels like he’s going just a little bit insane trying to juggle a burgeoning relationship, his jealousy over Eddie’s own new relationship with Ana, and his inability to move on from the place that’s been his for three years in the Diazes’ lives. Oh, and Eddie keeps looking at him like he has something to say — except he never says it. This is the tumultuous road to finding out what Buck truly wants, paved by pebbles. -- or; christopher partakes in some parent trapping

🔥 stuck now so long, we just got the start wrong by Daffi_990_ao3/ @daffi-990 (Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting | 85K | Not Rated): Probational Firefighters Evan “Buck” Buckley and Eddie Diaz meet on a call which ends with them at odds with each other. As the months roll by, they keep running into each other on the job, much to Eddie’s dismay and Buck’s delight. Can they put aside their first opinions and misunderstandings and allow the seeds of friendship, and possibly something more, to take root?

WIP

🔥 Steal My Sunshine by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Altered Memories | 7/9 | 24K | Mature): Memories hazy and unreliable, Eddie Diaz wakes up every morning in a house at the end of a cul de sac, goes to his office job at a petroleum engineering company, and comes home to his wife and son. But something is missing, and the more Eddie begins to put the pieces together, the stranger the predicament he finds himself in. 

🔥 If You Can Make the Music by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, | 1/5 | 2K | Mature): Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 5 (Seaside): A year after a whirlwind two week love affair with bartender Buck in Galveston, Texas, Eddie Diaz finds himself coincidentally relocating to the area. But when he attempts to reconnect with Buck, he's in for an unfortunate surprise. (Part 3 of Coma-Verse)

The Smutty Ones by Tizniz/ @tizniz (PWP | 55/? | 22K | Explicit): A collection of smutty Buddie drabbles.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 129/? | 405K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 33/? | 21K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

Chapter 33. 19. "If we get caught kissing we're dead but let's risk it." 

🔥 Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Not A Firefighter Eddie, Sugar Baby Buck | 4/22 | 18K | Explicit): When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 13/19 | 67K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

Re-Read

the secrets we keep (the ones that spill out) by sparegarbage/ @babybucks (Getting Together | 4K | General): Or: Buck and Eddie comfort each other with cuddles, hugs, and kisses (platonically—or so they think).

Tear me to pieces and make me feel whole by justhockey (Getting Together | 2K | Not Rated): And that’s when it clicks. In the pasta aisle of the grocery store, at 10am on a Saturday morning. Buck is frowning as he tries to decide what to get - and Eddie is in love with him.

[hello-sweetheart]

Fame and Fortune

Do you dream of glory? Crowds of thousands all adoring beneath you. The roaring cheers echoing in the arena. Countless of small white lights held up like beacons creating a sea of waving stars all for you. Breathless exhilaration has your chest heaving, skin glistening and damn. To feel like a god: never ending, eternal.

What would you be willing to do to get it?

What are you willing to sacrifice for fame?

Who are you prepared to lose?

Could the love of millions be worth the love of one?

——

[Backstage: Corroded Coffin Global Tour-Los Angeles, Ca]

Eddie is pacing, more than just pre-show nerves numb his hands. His cigarette burns quickly, ash falling on the carpeted floor, but no amount of nicotine filled lungs will fix this. Gareth, his drummer and long time friend, is watching him pace, eyes pleading.

“Is it worth it, Eddie?

We all got what we wanted; why are we miserable? You can’t lie to me, we all feel it. I see it in everyone, even you! You haven’t been the same since—“ He receives a withering glare from the frontman and sighs, speaking softer.

“I miss mom and my little sister. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them… I’m no longer drawn in her crayon family portraits, did you know that? Does Anne even remember me, anymore?

How can you keep going like this and expect us to do the same? I’m grateful—I really am—for you. You got us where we are now, a fantasy that we never even dreamed would become reality. It was amazing, I’m glad I got to experience it all with you, but I’m tired. I’m so tired guys.

I just want to go home.”

The long drag he takes burns his throat,

“Look, we’re all tired, I get it. Really, I do, this tour has been… particularly grueling I’ll admit, but come on. This is our last show, the big finale! We’ll give them all we got and then we’ll be able to take a break to freshen up before doing what we do best: creating kick ass music.

Like always. You’ll feel better after this, we always do after the last show—“

Gareth cuts him off, his patience clearly stretched thin.

“No, Eddie, listen to me! It’s different this time. I’m happy with the money we’ve made, we all have enough to live comfortably and I’ve been thinking that, you know, it’s time to settle down. I can’t do that if I’m always working. This, the band, it doesn’t… it doesn’t make me happy anymore.”

Jeff stands and his imposing figure makes Eddie pause from wearing a path into the floor.

“He’s not the only one, man. Im sorry, but its killing me. We don’t expect you to give it up either, you can keep the band name, find new members, keep signing… But for us? We can’t keep going, man. This is the end of the line.”

‘Not him too. Fuck. Fuck!’

“No! What am I—I’ve given up too much for this, you can’t just, fucking, bail on me!” This band, playing with his friends, it’s become his entire world. He’s lost too much to get here.

“Woah, woah, hey! No one fucking told you to and you know it. We’ve always had your back no matter what, but anything you chose to do is on you. Not us. The least you could do is extend us the same fucking curtesy and respect the fact that we’re fucking done with this bullshit.”

His gaze is venom as he looks at band, Grant and ‘Freak’ silent but agreeing with the rest. They refuse to meet his gaze.

“Fine. Do whatever you want.” He turns and leaves. They’ll be starting in 15 minutes.

Fucking cowards. Ungrateful bastards.

A memory plays in his head. Brief and intrusive. The voice of someone long gone from his life rings in his mind.

“I’ve missed you, Ed. Are you done at the studio, yet? When are you coming home?”

“Steve, this is important. You know this. I’ll be pulling a few more all nighters here—this album has to be perfect, baby.”

A crackling sigh is barely audible through the phone.

“I know, I know. I’m just being selfish. I’m sorry. Miss waking up to you next to me.”

“Miss you too, baby. You’re my world you know. Love you more than anything.”

“More than music?” It’s a timid question.

“Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he’s the only one to laugh into the receiver.

“Right… night, Eddie.”

“Wait, Stev—“ fuck. It was only joke. Whatever, he’ll apologize tomorrow.

Right now, he has music history in the making.

[l-in-the-light]

The Otherworlds merging... or is it something else? (spoilers for Silent Hill 2!)

Remember when James said this line to Eddie? Kinda ironic, considering the scene below...

Remember what he did just before he killed Mary? He tucked her in bed, kissed her goodnight (on the forehead), and then stared into her eyes for a good moment... turned his eyes away, then back again to hers, and he snapped immediately after.

"You can't just kill someone cause of the way they looked at you..."

"You see it too? For me, it's always like this"

Why is James able to feel the heat of Angela's Otherworld and the coldness of Eddie's? Why is he fighting Angela's monster? Why does Angela mistake him for her mother?

I don't think their Otherworlds are merging just because they have spend a lot of time with each other (they really didn't, it was like three meetings each in the original). They definitely couldn't have bonded to the point that James can understand Angela's pain and see her trauma personified.

Nobody can understand another person's pain and suffering, we're all different people with different experiences. Understanding that is the first step towards showing true empathy for someone.

If Abstract Daddy/Ideal Father looks the way he looks because we see him through James's eyes and through his life experiences/trauma, then why is it also Angela's monster and why are we fighting it? Does it suggest that James and Angela share similar (but not the same, it can never be the same) experiences in this particular case? Does James have traumatic memories related to his own father, Frank Sunderland?

Of course James also just wants to help Angela, to save her. James seems to have a saviour complex, which might be the result of Mary's illness (he wanted to save her but couldn't, because the disease was untreatable and fatal, there was no way to cure Mary and he could only watch her dying. He failed her).

But there's another side to this, if we consider that Silent Hill is a reflection of character's own personal traumas and creatures might represent personal triggers...

"Even my mama said it. I deserved what happened"

"You fat, disgusting piece of shit! You make me sick!"

"Well, what are you looking at? Get the hell out of here!" / "I was so angry, I struck out at everyone I loved. Especially you"

Angela, Eddie and James. They all share one theme in common in those lines above: being on the receiving end of emotional/verbal abuse.

When we look at the design of James's monsters, they share something in common: emphasis on the mouth area. Lying Figures early design had a very distinguishable mouth, the final design instead sprays "vomit" on you, which is said to represent Mary lashing out verbally at James. Bubble Head Nurse has a red square covering her mouth, like to seal it shut. Flesh Lips is the boss that is a lump of flesh with detailed pair of lips. Abstract Daddy actually follows this design trope as well.

It's James's monster, it represents him suffocating Mary, the memory he repressed. The monster wouldn't look this way if it was Angela's. Abstract Daddy doesn't represent what you think it does! It would look completely different if we saw it through Angela's eyes and it would look most likely like her father, not two people having intercourse on a bed. In other words, it was never depicting intercourse. It's supposed to be surreal representation, not *literal*, and if you think it's intercourse then you're going for the most literal interpretation ever, not symbolic. The "James suffocating Mary" might not even be the final interpretation of it either.

Why did they all met in Silent Hill in the first place?

Angela wanted someone to save her but also wanted to find her mom, Eddie had enough of the abuse but was a coward, they don't seem to have much in common, besides this: they both experienced lifelong abuse, lasting ever since their childhood, and at least big part of it was emotional/verbal abuse. If the story in Silent Hill 2 is told through parallels, then it suggests Mary wasn't the first time James experienced abuse either.

It makes sense. That's the reason why he couldn't bring himself to visit Mary in the hospital. She lashed out at him, it triggered him, but he didn't understand why he's reacting like that, why he has such a hard time going back to visit her, why he starts to hate her. Finally, he succumbed to alcohol to deal with the anxiety of resurfacing past trauma. Eddie btw did a similar thing, but he was overeating instead to deal with his triggers. Food calmed him down, even though it also made him gain weight and caused the bullying to intensify (most likely).

James forgot what he did to Mary. He shows signs of dissociating in many moments of the game (especially in the remake, like when he first cries after Maria died and then leaves her behind emotionlessly). His behaviour fits behaviour of someone used to being verbally abused as well: his quiet withdrawn behaviour, him shutting up immediately after someone lashes out at him (for example when Eddie screamed at him), never defending himself (Angela calling him names and he was just standing there quietly). James seems to remind Angela of her mother. In a family with history of abuse it rarely affects only one person. Her father was probably abusive towards the mother as well and if he lashed out at her often, she was probably a very withdrawn person, never defending herself, speaking in low quiet voice etc. This might be exactly the part which reminded Angela of her mother when she saw James, because that's how he always behaves as well.

He thought Mary died three years ago, because that's when Mary's disease started, and with it the verbal abuse as well. Maybe it wasn't even his first blackout experience either. When Laura locks him in the room, he has a really strong reaction, even begs her to let him out (despite not wanting to beg at first), and after Flesh Lips fight we have this weird sequence of staring at the ceilling, hallucinating Mary's voice, and James wakes up in a completely different place, doesn't know how he got out of that locked room. My guess is that was yet another of his dissociative blackouts.

You didn't want her around anymore. Admit it!

No...

You probably found someone else!

NO!

(this is literally the only moment in the game in which James assertively stands up for himself. Through the rest of the story he simply lets Maria, Laura and Eddie trashtalk him)

I wanted you out of the way. The truth is, I hated you *shakes head*. I wanted my life back.

If that's true...

Despite saying it so clearly before that he wouldn't want Mary out of his life and searching so desperately for her (I just want Mary back, I can't go on without you anymore), at the end he admits Angela was right... or was she? She didn't actually know him much. Mary, on the other hand, knew him probably the best in the world, and she claimed that what he said is not true. But if it's not true then why did James say that?

That's because he doesn't understand why he did what he did. He killed her most likely while experiencing a blackout or he snapped after reaching his breaking point, while triggered, and only later experienced a blackout. The only thing he remembers is the feelings he felt for Mary after she lashed out at him (hatred, helplessness, self-loathing), which weren't his feelings for Mary, but his reaction to the verbal abuse he experienced. But he couldn't seperate the past traumatic event from the trigger he was experiencing in the present. Vivid flashbacks and feeling like re-living a past trauma in the present moment are all signs of PTSD. As the result, a person might avoid meeting other people or situations that can even remotely remind them of their traumatic experience. Sounds like James avoiding to visit Mary in the hospital, to me. He of course didn't understand why he is behaving like that or why he feels so overwhelmed, so he ended up blaming himself and thought he is a bad partner as the result, as many people suffering from PTSD would, even though what they're going through isn't their fault.

I'm not saying that what James did was good (it definitely wasn't, and that's not the point I was trying to make at all). I'm just trying to point out that James shows signs of PTSD, just like Angela and Eddie do as well (is it a good depiction of PTSD? Definitely not perfect, but not too bad either. Could be better without the murder plotline). Silent Hill 2's story at the heart of it is actually a tragedy, not a murder story.

I wish we could know more about James and his past...

[sidekick-hero]

(steddie | explicit | 1.1k | tags: established relationship, sub!eddie, top!eddie, dom!steve, bottom!steve, porn with feelings, Good Boy Eddie | @steddielovemonth Love is liking the version of yourself you are with them the best by @tinytalkingtina | AO3)

Eddie has been called many things in his life. Some good, more bad.

He's been called a good friend, a herder of lost sheep, a dungeon master, a rock star, even a hero.

But he's also been called a pariah, a coward, a waste of space, a fuckup, trailer trash, a freak, a murderer, a monster.

But no one had ever called him a good boy. Not until Steve.

Ever since he was a little kid, Eddie had learned to fit in, to become whatever someone needed him to be.

When his ma got sick, he learned to be her sweet little boy, quiet and uncomplicated instead of loud and wild. To take up as little space as possible, one less thing for his mama to worry about.

After she died, Eddie learned to be self-reliant. An adult in a child's body, able to take care of himself because who else would. Whenever his father was around, he adopted the Munson charm, the easy smile and empty flattery. He learned how to hot-wire cars, pick locks, steal, lie.

In the process, he learned to hate himself and even more the path his father was trying to set him on.

It wasn't until he started living with his Uncle Wayne that he didn't know who to be, because his uncle never asked him to do anything but be himself. Which should have been a relief, but by then Eddie had almost forgotten who that was.

So he began to reinvent himself in ways that made sense to him.

A storyteller, like Tolkien, spinning tales through his campaigns and having his party hanging on his every word.

A rock star, like Osbourne, van Halen, or Hammett, who played his heart out and made himself heard through his music.

A rebel, like Bowie, who stood up for those who, like him, were on the fringes of society, being their shield and offering them a safe place and a community where they could be their wonderfully weird selves.

Those versions of him were all Eddie, but at the same time they weren't. Not all of him.

Not the soft parts, the sweet and sincere and quiet parts he thought he lost when his mom died. Being all that for her hadn't been enough, it hadn't saved her, so Eddie buried that part of himself with her and became someone else. Someone the world couldn't break so easily.

Until Steve.

Brave and reckless, kind and bitchy and oblivious, self-sacrificing and self-centered, vain and dorky Steve. An enigma if Eddie ever met one. One he couldn't get enough of, each layer a new but pleasant surprise.

With Steve, Eddie doesn't have to reinvent himself, doesn't have to be any of the stories or boxes or labels.

With Steve, Eddie can let go.

With Steve, Eddie can stop looking over his shoulder.

With Steve, Eddie can let down his guard and show his soft belly.

With Steve, Eddie can be a good boy, sweet and obedient and sincere.

"You're doing so good, baby, so good for me. Fucking me so well, so sweet, feeding me that thick cock of yours. Can feel it in my throat. All for me, my good boy treating me so well," Steve coos with his mouth right next to Eddie's ear. They've been at it for what seems like hours and Eddie is so far gone, trembling in Steve's arms as he keeps rocking his hips, the only thing on his mind is Steve. Being good for Steve.

He's already made Steve come down his throat, lapping up every single drop like the good boy he is, before opening Steve up with his fingers and tongue. He pulled another orgasm out of him as he kept stroking across his prostate while licking messily inside him where he had spread him open on his fingers.

Eddie thought they were done, but Steve had other plans as he gathered up his own cum to spread over Eddie's cock, intention clear. Eddie had hesitated, afraid to hurt Steve because it was too much. It was only when he told Eddie to fuck him with a smoldering look from under his lashes that he finally, carefully, pushed inside him.

He's been hard and aching ever since Steve pushed him to his knees and made him nuzzle the bulge in Steve's tight Levis.

He's been ready to come since Steve's cock hit the back of his throat, moaning so prettily as it fluttered around him.

He's been holding himself back from coming by the skin of his teeth since Steve started clinging to him, overstimulated and loving and everything Eddie could ever want, cooing the sweetest and filthiest praise as Eddie slid in and out of the hot, tight grip of his body.

"What do you want baby, tell me, I'll give you everything my sweet little thing, just tell me what you need." Steve's soothing voice washes over him and he realizes he's whimpering into the sweaty skin of Steve's neck.

"You," Eddie replies without hesitation. "Just you, wanna make you feel good, 's all I need, just you." He's babbling, too far gone to be anything close to coherent. Reduced to his soft, needy core. "Love you so much, wanna stay like this forever, never wanna leave you." Things he never thought he'd say out loud spill out of his mouth and he can feel Steve tighten around him, impossibly so and he's so close but he can't, not without -

"Eddie, baby, don't stop, 'm so close, I love you too," Steve pants before whimpering, "Oh God, you're making me come again, kiss me, please, baby, kiss me."

He can't really feel his body anymore, his mouth clumsily seeking Steve's, but he could never deny him anything. Especially not when he's begging him so sweetly.

They both come within seconds of each other, no more words needed. Steve, whose legs and arms are wrapped around Eddie so tightly that it's impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins, is the first to spill between their bellies. The fluttering of his hole, the bucking of his hips and the rhythmic way he clenches around him makes Eddie follow suit.

It almost hurts in its intensity after holding back for so long and he can't help the pitiful whimpering or the overwhelming tears.

Cradling Eddie's head in his giant hands, Steve wipes away the tears and kisses the whines from Eddie's trembling mouth. More tears follow, his love and devotion and gratitude for being loved in this way running down his cheeks as salty droplets, and Steve kisses them away as well.

"You were perfect," he whispers between his kisses, "I love you so much."

When his face is clean, the tears finally stopped, Eddie sinks back down onto the man beneath him. The man who gave him back this side of himself, a side he missed and mourned without even knowing it. A version of himself he has learned to love, to like best, thanks to Steve Harrington and his unwavering love for Eddie.

[cherubcameron]

When you know, you know…

Everyone but you knew that Steve had a major crush on you. To you, you felt like it was an exaggeration. You didn’t see anything odd with the way Steve acted. Because in your eyes, he was just being friendly. You didnt want to assume how he felt. If all he felt towards you was friendship.

So you bottled up your own feelings. Hence, why you were under the circumstances that you were in. Robin said, it was going to be a fun party. One with lots of beer and dancing. But it ended up with you watching as Steve flirted with every girl. Your eyes scan the room for Robin. But you find her cuddled up with Vicky on the couch. And you don’t have it in you to interrupt. You sigh and decide to head outside for fresh air.

Better than watching as Steve whispered sweet nothings into a girls ear. The cool spring air hits you instantly. You take a big deep breath of it. Letting it consume you. Letting it fill you until you let it go. You grab onto the railing in front of you, your heart aching in a way; you wish it wasn’t. You sighed once more.

“What brings you out here? Shouldn’t you be in there with, Harrington?” Eddie says, his curly hair moving in front of his face.

You turn to him, your eyes downcast. You wish you were anywhere else but here. You let out a dry laugh.

“Please, he’s in there entertaining anyone who’ll give him attention.” It comes out harsh, harsher than you expected. But you were upset. You sit down across from Eddie on the couch. His eyes scan your face and he sighs.

“Because of you.”

Your eyes snap up to Eddies, taken aback by his words. Because of you.

“What?”

Eddie sighs once more. He shakes his head and smiles.

“He likes you, silly. He thinks you don’t like him so he’s throwing himself at girls. He doesn’t want any of them. He wants you.”

You sit, unsure how to speak. Everyone kept saying it. Now it utters out of eddies mouth to. He gives you his best goofy grin and you know. You know Eddie can’t lie.

His eyes wander behind you, and he immediately gets up. You turn your head to see Steve standing by the door. Unsure how to move in this situation. You can bet he thinks something has gone on between you and Eddie. Because his jaw clinch. 

“I’ll leave the two of you to talk alone.” Steve’s unclenches his jaw. His stare is intense as he looks at you. You almost want to gulp.

Eddie enters the house and Steve finally approaches you. Sitting down next to you on the couch. Your eyes scan the ground, unsure how this would proceed further.

“I’m an idiot.” You’re surprised with the fact that’s what he starts with. You finally look at him and are taken aback when he see he’s already staring at you.

“Don’t say that. I was being an idiot. I could have told you how I felt. Everyone kept pushing-.”

Steve shakes his head, “No, no. I am. I swear, I could have been ya know. Did the whole Harrington charm on you. Instead I ended up being a coward. I didn’t realize how much I liked you, until I couldn’t say the words.”

You don’t know what possessed you. But there was no need for anymore words. Not ones that could shape how you felt. You cup his cheek and press your lips to his. A soft gentle kiss becomes hungry. His hands on your waist, mouths opening to swipe tongues. Love isn’t clean, it’s filthy.

You pull away first, your forehead on his. A small smile creeps upon your face. You know it, he knows it. But words don’t come. The tender way in which you both stare at each other, says everything.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

From Hell to Home to Back Again

Summary: At the talent show, Chrissy Cunningham is so hungry that she nearly collapses. When she's found by Hopper, her parents ended up losing custody of her. She ends up being placed in the care of the Hendersons, and she finally finds the family she so desperately needed. She also ends up falling in love. What other changes are made in this alternate universe?

A/N: The catwalk scene is from FOI, I wrote from Chrissy's perspective. Tw: Child abuse.

Prologue

January 1980

Chrissy really hadn't wanted to do the Talent Show. No, that was all for her mother, who was always looking for a reason to humiliate her. Nothing Chrissy ever did was good enough for her, including the routine she has just done that was created entirely by Laura. The only reason she had messed up was because she had been so hungry, and she nearly fainted. Chrissy had managed to escape up to the catwalk to avoid being criticized by her own mother only to find that she hadn't been the only one to think of it. A boy only a couple of years older than her was sitting up there, looking down at the audience. He was wearing a flannel shirt, and he had holes in pants. His head was buzzed, and she could tell that his big brown eyes were searching for someone. He was kind of cute. Knowing her mother would disapprove, Chrissy sat down next to the boy. Chrissy fought back the smile when he jumped.

"Are you looking for someone?" She asked.

Chrissy could see the doubt in his eyes. Why would a girl like her talk to a guy like him? She gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile, and he snapped out of it.

"My dad," the boy replied.

"Where is he?" She asked and started looking for him as if she knew what he looked like, but the boy just shrugged. "He didn't come?"

Chrissy felt envious for a moment, wishing her mother hadn't come at all. She knew that not everyone's parents were like hers.

"He's just running late," he replied.

She didn't know why she did it, but she wound up lying to the boy. How could she possibly tell him that she was hiding from her own mom like a coward?

"I came up here to look for my mom," she replied.

"She's running late, too?" He asked.

"I wish. She's right there," Chrissy said wrinkling her nose and pointing her out in the ground.

"I'm sorry," he said and Chrissy smiled.

"Me too," she whispered.

"My band's up next," he said. "Uh."

"Break a leg," Chrissy told him. "And - "

"Eddie."

"Eddie, if your dad gets held up, I'll cheer for you," Chrissy said as she shook her arms about.

"Right back atcha," Eddie said, wincing, and Chrissy giggled.

Chrissy, unfortunately, had to face the music like Eddie was going to. She went down to the audience to watch Eddie, and she couldn't help but be amazed at the sight of him. He was so passionate. . .so free. . .she wished she could be like him in that moment. When he found her eyes in the crowd, she stood on her chair and cheered for him when he finished. Laura hadn't liked that and dragged her to the lobby to lay into her about her behavior.

"I only messed up because I was so hungry," Chrissy cried.

"Nonsense, you had lunch," Laura said.

"Not enough, mom," Chrissy replied.

"You have an eating problem, Chrissy," Laura said. "I'm only trying to help you. You don't want to be a little piggy forever, do you?"

Laura pinched her cheek, and Chrissy scowled before biting down on her hand.

"You're my problem!" Chrissy shrieked, and then she ran off, hiding in the coat closet.

She thought for sure that no one was going to find her until she heard the sound of footsteps and voices.

"I spoke too soon when I told the mayor that I didn't need to be here," the familiar voice of Chief Hopper sighed. "Now, we've got a missing kid."

The door opened, and she saw the Chief reaching for his coat. He grabbed it, revealing her face.

"Don't tell my parents I'm here," Chrissy sniffled. "Please."

"Why don't you want me to call your parents?" Hopper asked, kneeling down.

"My mom won't let me eat! The only reason I messed up my routine was because I was so hungry and I got sleepy, so I tripped!" Chrissy sobbed. "And when I told mom that I was hungry, she pinched my cheek and called me a piggy."

"Is that where she pinched you?" Hopper asked, pointing to her cheek, and she nodded.

"She always does it too hard," Chrissy sniffled as her stomach growled loudly. "I got tired of it, so I bit her. Are you going to arrest me?"

"If I'm going to arrest anyone, it's probably going to be your mom," Hopper said. "Let's get you something to eat."

Hopper held out his hand, and she looked at him for a moment before slipping her hand into his. She grabbed her coat and let him help her into it.

"CHRISTINE CUNNINGHAM!" Laura's voice shrieked as she moved through the lobby.

Laura went to grab Chrissy, but Hopper pulled her gently behind him. Her mother looked affronted at his audacity, and Chrissy couldn't help but smirk.

"I think you and your husband need to go down to the station to answer a few questions," Hopper said. "I'm going to get some food for your daughter."

"I don't know what she's been telling you, but she's lying. Kids say the darndest things for attention," Laura said.

"So, you haven't been starving or hurting her?" Hopper asked.

"She had a big lunch. She doesn't need to eat," Laura said.

Just then, Chrissy's stomach growled loudly, proving Laura wrong. Chrissy wanted to look at anywhere else, but at her mother, who glanced down at her in anger. She peaked out from behind Hopper to find Eddie staring at her.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed.

Another officer ended up dragging Chrissy's screaming mother off to another car with her dad following behind her. Philip didn't even bother looking at Chrissy. She stared at them for a moment before climbing into Hopper's car. The entire car ride was silent as he drove her to Benny's diner. They ordered and sat down in a booth.

"What's going to happen?" Chrissy asked.

"That depends on what we find out. We're going to have to set you up with a doctor so we have evidence of what your mother's been doing. I mean, we're definitely going to have to contact social services. Depending on how bad they determine your home life is, they might take you out of the home," Hopper said, and Chrissy tried to stop the smile from forming. "It's okay to be happy about that, kid."

"What if I end up somewhere worse?" Chrissy asked.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that it doesn't happen," Hopper said with a sigh. "But I also can't make you any promises."

"Thank you for being honest," Chrissy said and paused after Benny delivered their food. "She wasn't always like this, you know."

"No?" Hopper asked as bit into his own burger.

"My brother died, and I think her sadness consumed her. She didn't know how to control it, so it controlled her, and then she controlled me. What she did wasn't okay, but I get it and hope one day soon, I'll be able to forgive her. She's still my mom and I love her," Chrissy said.

"You have a big heart, kid. Don't ever lose that," Hopper said, wrapping his knuckles on the table.

Chrissy smiled and bit into her burger. She was starting to feel full for the first time in a while. Hopper, even though he seemed scary, was the kindest man she ever met along with his friend Benny. He was funny, and he even gave her a free milkshake. She knew it was a pity shake, but she accepted it nonetheless. After that, social services were quick to get her out of the home when they discovered that there were locks on the fridge, and the doctor told them Chrissy definitely needed to eat more. Now, the Chief was standing with her in front of the house, her things in his car.

"Claudia's the nicest woman you'll ever meet, trust me," Hopper said.

"I do," Chrissy said.

The minute she stepped into the Hendersons' she felt the difference between her house and this one. Her house had been cold and frightening but this house was nothing but warmth. Claudia greeted her with a sweet smile and kindness in her eyes that Chrissy's own mother never had. Beside her was an eight year old boy with curly brown hair.

"Hi, I'm Claudia, and this is my son Dustin," she said. "Do you prefer Christine or Chrissy?"

"Chrissy," she smiled shyly.

"That works out perfectly. I always call Dustin 'Dusty'," Claudia smiled.

"I like your hair. It's red and blond at the same time," Dustin said.

"It's called strawberry blonde," Chrissy said in amusement.

"Oh, cool. I love strawberries," Dustin said.

"Well, unfortunately, my hair doesn't taste like them," Chrissy said and Dustin snorted. "Ooh, kitty cat!"

An orange cat brushed up against her leg, and she knelt down to pet the cat.

"Oh, that's Mews," Dustin said. "She's mom's cat, really. Mom loves cats."

"I love cats, too! Mom never let me have one, though," Chrissy said as she pet the cat.

"You're going to fit in just fine here," Claudia beamed and put her arm around her. "Do you want something to eat or drink?"

As Claudia kept a comforting arm around Chrissy, she realized that she never wanted to leave.

Chapter One

[marie-swriting]

The Slut Of Hawkins | And The Freak - Eddie Munson [2/2]

Stranger Things Masterlist

Part one

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : After months of loneliness because of your reputation being destroyed, Eddie Munson is there for you.

Warning : slutshaming, mention of bullying (reader and Eddie getting bullied) (talk to someone if you're being bullied!), mention of bad relationship with parents, quick mention of drug, trust issues, angst, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.9k

Song inspiration : Bad Reputation by Shawn Mendes

Your detention is over, finally allowing you to run away from a prison to go to another. You bid goodbye to the teacher and leave the school building. The parking lot is empty save some cars.

You’re walking toward the exit when you hear a voice holding you back. Before you have the time to turn around the person is already in front of you, panting. Steve is in front of you, panting. You try to walk past him yet he holds you back.

“What do you want?” you ask, drily.

“I… I just wanted to know… How are you?”

“Because you care now? Leave me alone.” you retort, trying to leave again.

“Y/N, wait!”

“What?”

“I’m sorry for everything that happened.” Steve starts with guilty eyes. “I didn’t mean for things to go that bad.”

“And yet, you did nothing to stop it. And don’t you even dare say I’m wrong.”

“I went to the principal as soon as everything went down with Jessica. I tried to explain the situation, to defend you but he didn’t want to-”

“I stopped waiting for you to take my defence more than a month ago, Steve.” you cut him off, annoyed. “At first, I stupidly thought you’d be on my side, that you’d defend me and you know what you did the first time I was humiliated in front of everyone, including you? You turned around and left me alone. I stopped counting on you a long time ago, Steve.”

“I know I acted like a coward but I want to make amends. It’s been going on for too long.”

“You want some kind of medal for your sudden realisation? It’s too late, Steve! There’s nothing left to do.”

“Y/N, please. You meant a lot to me.”

“It doesn’t feel like it!” you scream, clenching your fists. “You know, one day you told me I’d always be your favourite love, well, I’m telling you, you will always be the one I regret. The beautiful three months we spent together aren’t worth all the pain and the bullying I’ve been receiving.” you say, angry tears in your eyes. “You made me feel more alone than I’ve ever been. You said you wanted to be someone better, you have a lot of work left to do. I sincerely hope you’ll be able to do better. Either way, I don’t want to see it. Now, leave me alone.”

“Please, give me a chance.” Steve begs, grabbing your arm.

You’re about to reply to Steve when a van stops next to you. You both don’t pay attention to it until Eddie Munson’s voice cuts off your conversation.

“Hey, everything alright here?”

“We’re just talking.” Steve informs Eddie.

“Very well. Y/N, I’m still bringing you home tonight, right?”

At Eddie’s question, your eyebrows furrowed. You never talked with Eddie about him bringing you home; actually you never talked with Eddie before. Looking at him more carefully, you understand he’s just offered you a way out from your conversation with Steve. You’re about to accept when Steve beats you to it.

“I can bring her home.”

“Y/N?” Eddie insists.

“I’m going home with Eddie. Stop talking to me, Steve.”

Before Steve can add something else, you get in Eddie’s van without looking back. Eddie starts driving as soon as you close the door. You stay silent for a few seconds while a tear runs down your cheek, Eddie leans toward the glove compartment and takes a tissue before giving it to you. You softly thank him and wipe your cheeks. Once Eddie considers he’s at a good distance from school, he stops and turns to you.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really, no. I’m gonna leave here, there’s a bus soon.” you say, taking your school bag at your feet. “I don’t want to cause you any problems, especially if you’re in a relationship.”

“Good thing I don’t have a girlfriend, then.” he smiles. “And even if I did, I don’t care what they say about you so I don’t mind bringing you home.”

“Thanks.” you say before giving him your address. “Can we wait for a bit before going home? I don’t want to go now.”

“Sure.”

Eddie gives you as much time as you need to get a grip on yourself when you tell him you feel better, he starts driving the car again. You both stay silent almost the whole way home, Eddie supposes you need it; however he wants to put on some music, he clears his throat to catch your attention.

“Do you mind if I put some music on, as a background sound?”

“Not at all, go ahead. It’s your car, you don’t have to ask me.”

“It’s just, you seem lost in your thoughts, I don’t want to interrupt you.” Eddie explains whilst putting on a tape and turning down the volume a little.

“Sorry, I’m not very good company tonight.”

“That’s not what I meant. I guess you had a long day.”

“Let’s not talk about it, let’s talk about you.” you cut him off, turning to him. “Why did you finish school this late? I’m not judging, it’s just I know you’re not a fan of school.”

“That’s the least you can say.” Eddie laughs. “We had a meeting with the Hellfire club, we finished late.”

“What is your club about?”

“According to people outside of Hellfire, we worship Satan. Officially, we play Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Is it some kind of board game?” you question, curious. Edide lightly laughs at your guess.

“It’s a roleplay game.”

“Oh okay. Tell me more.”

Eddie doesn’t need you to ask him twice to start rambling. Instantly, he becomes happy while explaining the universe, the different characters and some of his campaigns. Eddie is the one who does all the talking, your answers are shorts, yet you listen to him carefully.

When you’re finally at your home, he forces himself to stop talking. Eddie parks a bit before your house - to be sure he won’t get you in trouble with your parents as he says with a humorous tone. Your heart tightens at his comment, Eddie, just like you, is a victim of the spitefulness of teenagers your age. You glance at your house before grabbing your bag and turning to Eddie.

“Thank you.” you say before pausing. “For bringing me home and for defending me last time.”

“Well, it wasn’t very useful considering they didn’t listen to me.”

“Sure but you were the only one on my side so just know, I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” Eddie genuinely replies.

“I’m not gonna bother you any longer.”

You leave Eddie’s van though before you can walk away, Eddie leans toward the car window from the passenger side and opens it.

“Y/N, wait! I noticed you never eat at the cafeteria for lunch. If you want, you’re welcome at the Hellfire table.” he invites you, warming your heart.

“It’s very nice but I don’t like eating at the cafeteria with others.”

“Well, just so you know, in the woods behind school, there’s a picnic table almost no one knows about. I eat there sometimes. We can eat there tomorrow.”

“I… I’ll think about it.” you promise with a small smile. “Good evening, Eddie.”

Eddie smiles back at you while you slowly walk to your front door. When Eddie is sure you’re home safe, he leaves your street, going back to the trailer park.

From that night on, Eddie pays more attention to you. Of course, he’s heard all their rumours and all the variants. Yet, Eddie is known for not blindly following what he’s told about someone else. It’s been a long time since he’s wanted to talk to you; he knows all too well how isolating having this kind of reputation can be. Nevertheless, he didn’t know how to start a conversation with you, after all, you had never really talked before until he came to your rescue the last time you talked with Steve.

After a week of analysis, Eddie’s noticed some of your defence mechanisms. The first one he noticed before he even talked with you is that you never eat with someone else - he has some ideas on where you might go hiding to eat. He also knows you always take the long way home to avoid everyone; no matter if it’s to go to class or to go home. He knows this whole situation doesn’t stop at school, it also happens in your own home. Eddie wants to give you some support like he would have liked to have the first time he got bullied.

It’s actually the reason why he decides to wait after your detention again. He wants to talk with you without having someone interrupting you or making you run away. As soon as you leave school, Eddie gets out of his van and makes you a sign. You frown before walking toward him, slightly embarrassed.

“Were… were you waiting for me?”

“I wanted to see if you need a drive home.” Eddie proposes.

“I take the bus. Last time was an exception, not that I didn’t appreciate by the way.”

“I know but I thought that maybe I could bring you home every day.” he explains, pointing at his van. “As your detention always finishes late. And I can even make some detours so you don’t have to go home right away.”

“Why?” you ask, on the lookout.

“I noticed-”

“No, why are you proposing?” you specify, interrupting him. “You seem nice but we don’t know each other, I don’t know why you’d want to bring me home when you could leave school earlier.”

“I just want to.” he replies with a genuine tone. “Plus, last time, you said you’d eat with me and I waited the whole afternoon for you which isn’t very nice so you kinda owe me.” he jokes, making you smile.

“I said I’d think about it, I never confirmed anything.”

“True and maybe you didn’t come because you had some homework to do or just because we don’t know each other that’s why I thought that by being your driver, we could become friends and maybe you’d be less hesitant at the idea of eating with someone.” Eddie admits, yet, you stay sceptical. “Y/N, I swear I’m being honest here, I’m not trying to trap you.” he adds, taking a step towards you. “If you don’t want to, I leave you alone. If you agree but then you change your mind, I leave you alone, too. I’m just offering my service, nothing more.”

You stare at Eddie, trying to decipher him. You know Eddie’s reputation and no matter what people say about him, the fact is, he’s one of the rare people from school who never put you down and the only one who defended you in front of everyone. You feel like he means his words. You have no reason to doubt, but you can’t help it. Your mind shows you every worst case scenario, trying to prove you this situation could get worse. However, your guts tells you to trust him for some reasons. 

“Fine, I accept.” 

At your answer, a big smile takes place on Eddie’s face then he runs to dramatically open the door of the passenger side. You laugh at his antics before getting in his van.

This time, on the way home you’re more talkative. You ask him some questions about Dungeons And Dragons before the conversation goes to more basic topics. You enjoy Eddie’s eccentric personality. He makes you laugh out loud, something you hadn’t done the past two months. You’re even disappointed when you see Eddie stopping in your street,  you wish you could talk with him more. You thank him before leaving his van and going home with a genuine smile on your face.

During the following weeks, your friendship with Eddie is only composed of the conversations you two have when he brings you home. You know Eddie a bit better now and you have to admit, thanks to him, life at school is more enjoyable. You haven’t dared eating with him at the picnic table so far - that doesn’t mean you don’t want to, though.

Everytime he asks you, you want to accept, except you can’t help but think about what people could say about you if they saw you going to the woods with Eddie. A new rumour could start in a second. Things are finally calming down, you can’t risk going back to square one. Nevertheless, the more the time passes, the more you want to spend it with Eddie, therefore, on the day of your last detention, you finally decide to abandon the janitor's closet and walk to the woods. Eddie is already at the table, he’s started to eat his sandwich. The second he hears someone coming to him, he raises his head. Once he sees you, he gives up his sandwich and claps his hands.

“Ladies and gentlemen, she has come !” he says solemnly. “My God, I was afraid to eat all by myself once more.”

“Feels pathetic, right?” you laugh whilst Eddie invites you to sit down in front of him. “I thought that I refused your invitation too many times, I was afraid you’d refuse to bring me home in return.”

“Never.” Eddie affirms while you take out your lunch. “I like you too much to let you go.”

“So that’s your refuge when you don’t eat at the cafeteria?”

“Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

“More than the janitor’s closet.” you confirm.

“Is that where you usually eat?”

“At least, I run into no one.” you inform, starting to eat. “Eddie, can I ask you a question?” you ask after a pause.

“Tell me.”

“How do you do it? I mean, people have been saying awful things about you for years and I don’t feel like it’s hurting you. Maybe I’m wrong and you just hide it very well. Either way, I’d like to know.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, at first, it was hard.” he confesses, avoiding your gaze. “I couldn’t stop thinking I must be the problem, if I weren’t like this maybe people wouldn’t say that. If I didn’t dress a certain way maybe they’d like me more.” Eddie adds, playing with his sandwich. “I spent the whole elementary school trying to find a reason, trying to find a way to be accepted until I realised they weren’t worth it.” he affirms, looking up at you. “I understood their opinions didn’t matter because they weren’t important to me. I understood I’d rather live like I wanted to rather than change myself and lose myself. At first, I felt alone until I met other outcasts like me. When people invent stories about you, it isolates you from the others and it creates damage; however the important thing to do is to be surrounded by the right people.”

“Beside you, I have no one.” you admit, sadly.

“Hellfire would be happy to have you.”

“Your friends don’t know me.”

“And I’m sure they’d like you if they did.”

“Maybe later.”

“Claiming back the insults they give you can help, too, you know.” Eddie specifies. “You can’t let their words hurt you. You have to create strength out of it. Now I can say I’m a freak and I’m proud of it.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know, it’s an everyday work but you can do it.” Eddie encourages you, standing up to be next to you. “You have to take the strength away from these words. They hurt you because you think they’re negatives but if you make them something positive, they won’t have any more insults to tell you.”

“You’re not seriously suggesting that I say I’m slut and I’m proud of it?” you question, panicked. 

“I don’t want you to say, I want you to yell it.” he corrects.

“You’re stupid.”

“Come on, do it.” Eddie orders, forcing you to stand up.

“I’m not gonna do it.” you retort, crossing your arms on your chest. “I’ve spent months trying to get rid of this label, I’m not gonna put it on myself.”

“You should do it, it’ll free you.”

“I’m still not convinced.”

“Do you trust me or not?” Eddie asks, determined.

“Yeah but-”

“Then do it.” Eddie interrupts, uncrossing your arms.

“I’m a slut and I’m proud.” you say without much conviction.

“Louder!”

“I’m a slut and I’m proud.” you repeat a bit louder.

“Again!”

“I’m a slut and I’m proud!” you finally scream.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Eddie yells while you smile because of his silliness. “Your smile is pretty by the way, you should show it more.”

Eddie means his words. He adores seeing you smile just like he loves hearing you laugh. By observing you these past few weeks, he quickly realised you usually keep a neutral expression - except the day you can’t hide your pain. He makes it his personal mission to give you back your smile. He wishes someone would have done the same for him when the bullying started. Eddie likes to think he makes your days a bit more bearable as well as your evenings when he brings you home.

The minute you leave your last detention, you hand back your essay on bullying to Mr. Kaminski with a big smile on your face. After a whole month, you’re finally free. You bid your teacher goodbye before running away from the place. As you walk through the corridor, your smile gets bigger when you think of what you’re going to say to Eddie about your last detention. Your turn in a new hallway where your locker is when you notice someone around it. Your smile fades and you trot towards the person, thinking you’ll find the one who is tagging your locker. At your surprise, you don’t find anyone from the basketball team nor Jessica but Eddie as he tries to scrub with a towel the insult which was written the day before.

“What are you doing?” you question, startling Eddie.

“My God, you scared me! I’m cleaning your locker. What do you think I’m doing?” he answers as if it was obvious whilst showing the towel in his hand.

“It’s very nice, I just didn’t ask you to do it.”

“I know.”

“You can stop, the janitor will take care of it tomorrow, as he always does.”

“You’ll wait a long time.” Eddie laughs as he keeps washing off.

“What do you mean?”

“The janitor is not the one who cleans these horrors off your locker. I do. And sometimes, I can also get rid of some notes that stick out.” Eddie informs, surprising you.

“Wh- why?”

“You don’t deserve to have your locker tagged.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was doing this out of interest.”

Eddie looks into your eyes as he says his last sentence while your heart misses a beat. You didn’t know Eddie cared since the beginning. He’s always been kind to you and thanks to him, you’ve been feeling better. He’s one of the rare good things that’s happened to you; his friendship is precious to you. You don’t know what you would have become without him. You keep gazing at each other lovingly until Eddie clears his throat.

“I’m almost done. And no, you can’t help me.” he quickly adds as you were about to reply. “Wait for me in the van, I only need a few more minutes.”

Eddie’s keys in hands, you get closer to him and kiss his cheek before muttering ‘thank you’. Eddie’s heart jumps at this contact. He stupidly smiles while you leave the building.

After that day, you let your guard down, allowing yourself to fully trust Eddie. Besides your friendship going to the next level, you feel like this whole thing with Steve is behind you. You believe you can have some kind of normal life. At least, it’s the case at school, your parents aren’t over it, they keep talking about it and since they’ve discovered your friendship with Eddie - once again because of Miss. Johnson, your neighbour - it’s worse. Thankfully, Eddie’s support makes things easier.

As a consequence, you accept to do the one thing you’ve been avoiding the past three months: eating at the cafeteria. You feel ready to face the potential stare from the others - with Eddie’s support, obviously. Before walking through the cafeteria’s door, Eddie makes sure you’re okay before putting a hand on your back and inviting you to take the first step. At first, no one notices you which makes you sigh in relief. However, as soon as you arrive at the Hellfire table, some people start whispering whilst pointing at you. You ignore it while Eddie introduces you to his friend.

Lunch goes smoothly until Jessica and her friends walk by you.

“Wow, the slut and the freak, they’re a good fit for each other! She’s probably with him out of interest, if you know what I mean.” she says whilst bringing an imaginary joint to her lips.

You don’t pay attention to it, knowing all too well it’d be a waste of your time to face them. Furthermore, you don’t want to go back to detention once more. You focus back on what Eddie is saying about his last campaign, listening in silence. During the whole time, you stay silent, not understanding half of their references. The few ones you get are thanks to Eddie who’s introduced you to Star Wars and some other universes he likes.

“Are you gonna be there for the next Hellfire session?” Josh asks you.

“Oh, huh, I don’t think so. I’ve never played DnD.”

“You should come.” another person from the club replies.

“See, I told you they would like you to come.” Eddie says with a satisfied smile.

“I’ll think about it then.”

“Let’s talk about you.” Nick starts. “Is it true what people say? I gotta admit I don’t know how you could have dated Harrington. This guy is superficial and according to what Eddie told us, you’re totally different from him so I don’t see why you’d want to steal him from Nancy. Besides, even about Nancy, I…”

You don’t let Nick finish his sentence before trotting out of the cafeteria. You’re tearing up as you go through different corridors, not knowing where you want to go. Eddie goes after you, not without glaring at his friend. Eddie screams your name while he runs behind you but you don’t listen to him. You get closer to the school exit when Eddit catches you. He puts his hands on your shoulder before standing in front of you.

“Let me go, Eddie.” you order, getting out of his grip.

Eddie raises his hands to show he doesn’t want to hurt you. He keeps a good distance from you before talking.

“Don’t listen to what he said. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“It’s not about what he said.” you specify. “He said nothing wrong technically. It just shows that even if the rumours aren’t spreading as much, everyone still thinks about it. Your friends talk about it, people point at me, even my parents still talk about it ! And now that we hang together, I’m afraid they’ll talk about you, too.”

“You know I don’t care what they say.” Eddie reassures you.

“I do! You had to face this for too long and I don’t want to be the reason you receive new insults. Besides, until everyone forgets all about it, they’ll always find a reason to call me a slut again. New rumours are probably already spreading thanks to Jessica.”

“Don’t listen to her. You remember what we talked about, you’re a slut and you’re proud of it so we don’t care about her.”

“I care.” you retort, firmly. “She almost ruined my school year and my relationship with my parents is at its lowest since our fight. And now, they know we’re friends and they start criticising me again. I felt like everything was going fine but now, it still seems so fragile, as if everything could go back to what it used to be in an instant.”

“It won’t be the case.” Eddie promises you, getting closer to you. “Plus, you’re not alone. You got me.”

“Why do you insist so much? We didn’t even know each other before all of this.”

“It’s true and at first, I wanted to talk to you to be sure you weren’t going through all of this alone but now, I care about you. I like you a lot and-”

“That’s what you say now until the day you’ll be fed up with all of this.” you interrupt him, having a flashback from your relationship with Steve.

“Y/N, I mean it when I say I don’t care what they say about you. I know they gave you a bad reputation because of your relationship. They don’t know what you’ve been through and Steve didn’t know how to be here for you but I’m not like him. You probably have some issue trusting me but have some faith in me when I say I’m not like them and that I like you a lot.” he affirms, putting his hand on your cheek. “You know I only follow my own rules and I’ll need more than a few rumours to make me run away.”

“I-”

“I know you’re scared to be hurt again and it’s okay.” he cuts you off, “but I promise you, I will always be by your side and trust me when I tell you I could be the one to treat you right, unlike the others, I know you’re an amazing girl and I don’t want to lose my chance. You mean a lot to me and I’m not gonna let you slip through my fingers because of some brainless teenagers.” Eddie says and you take a step back. “Don’t push me away because you’re scared. Don’t let go because of this reason. You can’t let them dictate your life anymore.”

“I thought I was ready but I’m not.” you inform, going backward. “Sorry, Eddie.”

And on those words, you leave school. You don’t care if you have some classes left, you need to get away. You need to take a step back from this whole situation. Eddie lets you go with a heavy heart, understanding your reasons.

The following day, you avoid Eddie like the plague, you know you got scared and the way you pushed Eddie away isn’t fair, considering everything he’s done for you but you can’t help it. Everything went downhill without a warning last time and you never want to go through this again so you preferred to run away before it could get worse. 

Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean you’re not hurting. You miss Eddie. You knew you cared about him though before avoiding him, you didn’t know just how much. You have to stop yourself from running to him; you just want to be in his protective arms like the time you brokedown the first time you came to his place. You need him more than you imagined. And this feeling of missing him doesn’t get better when you discover a note in your locker. At first, you think about throwing it away, fearing another insult except you recognise Eddie’s handwriting. Your heart tightening, you open it and read it:

“Y/N, 

I know why you pushed me away but please, think about it before isolating yourself once more. You know it’s not good. I’m here for you and I always will be, even if you only talk to me in thirty years. You mean a lot to me so I will always be by your side during the good and the hard times, especially during the hard ones.

I miss my friend. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I need my friend. All I need is you.

Please, don’t cut me out of your life because you’re scared of getting hurt or what people might say about me. I just want you, I don’t care about them. 

Eddie”

After ignoring him for more than a week, you can’t stay away from Eddie any longer, you miss your friend too much. Eddie’s little note worked on you, though you try to deny it at first.

While you’re leaving school, you see Eddie close to his van talking to a Hellfire member. You watch him from afar, searching for what you want to tell him. The second you think you know what to say, you start walking toward him as you keep your eyes on his figure. You’re only a few metres away when his friends leave, allowing Eddie to notice you; he smiles as soon as he sees you. Eddie is about to talk to you when you put your hands on his cheeks and press your lips on his. Eddie is stunned at first then he kisses you back, enjoying your touch. You can hear some people talking around you but you don’t pay attention, only deepening the kiss. Eddie feels his heart exploding as he realises that for the first time in a while, you do something you want without caring what people might say about you. Eddie hands go from your hips to your cheeks, bringing you closer to him. Once you’re out of breath, you regretfully break the kiss, you have an idiotic smile on your face as you take in the moment.

“I don’t care what they say either. I just want you and that’s all that matters.” you affirm. “They can talk all they want, as long as I have you, I don’t care.”

Part one

Stranger Things Masterlist

[psychotic-nonsense]

Steddie Week Day 4: Trade / Body swap

------- it starts off super rough, warning for suicidal thoughts/intent and brief descriptions of gore -------

Steve is going to die.

He went to his room for privacy. His thoughts have gotten so loud lately, headaches so deep he can hardly see, and he just needed a moment to breathe.

But then he went to sit on his bed, and fell straight through it into the Upside Down.

Panicked, Steve had scrambled to get up. A hand had reached down to help, and without thinking, he grabed it.

Then he recoiled with how cold and rotten it felt. He looked up to face its owner, and was met with Barbara Holland. Half eaten, swollen faced, glossy eyed, dead Barbara.

When he tried to crawl away from her, two hands reached down to forcefully haul him up from the ground. Hands that were soaking wet, filling the thick air with an equally suffocating metallic stench. As soon as Steve regained his footing, he whirled around and backed away from the moving corpses.

It's Billy Hargrove. Bloody, beaten, black veined Hargrove, skinny from the chunks taken out of his torso and swaying with the imbalance of it.

They began speaking, bemoaning in their haunting voices how he let them die and left them to rot, Steve the Hero running like the true coward he was. The forest came alive with the chittering of Demobats, underneath it all an unrelenting mantra. I told you to make him pay, why did I have to pay in his stead, you didn't even kill him, you lost you lost you lost and I died for nothing-

And Steve didn't hear anymore. Because he ran.

He's being Cursed, no one knows it, and he's going to die.

No matter how far he runs, the forest gets no smaller, the calls of animal and ghost alike getting no quieter. He strains, runs though he can't breathe, crying out for help. But all that does is worsen the voices. Calling him a failure, selfish, why does he get to live, why did they have to die-

Steve loses his footing. Skids forward over the rough ground further than he should, unable to stop. Then his feet fall over a sudden ledge and he isn't slowing down and his clawing hands are barely able to catch a stray hanging branch before he's dangling over a cliffside.

His breaths are heaving, and his hands tense hard to keep hold of the branch. He knows he shouldn't but the creature sounds have only gotten louder, so he looks down.

Hundreds of feet down it's a rolling mess of black vines, dark smoke, and demo-creatures. They're all lunging for him, their snarls and screeches mixing with the ghostly moans, urging him to just give in submit fall.

A sudden crack breaks through the mess of sound. Steve turns back around, sees the rock holding up his branch begin to splinter, and he's going to die.

In between his desperate panting, words fall out. Words he means that no one who matters will ever hear. "I'm-I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Dustin, Nancy... R-Robin, Barb, Hargrove... I should- should've been more... I'm sorry, I can't-" He's cracking, the last of his desperation crumbling with the further breaks in the rocks. "I can't do it, I'm not... I'm not Max- Max, I'm sorry..." And as the cracks grow and his fingers slip, the tears finally fall. "I'm s-sorry, Ed... Eddie, I'm so sorry... It should've been me..."

And at the same time the crack finishes its journey, Steve lets go.

Everything quiets. Everything goes slow. It's almost freeing, knowing it's all going to be over, even though the terrified faces of his family flash through his head with every tear that falls. He doesn't want it to be over, he wants to live... but what right does he have-

Someone's calling out his name. A voice that gets his eyes to open, shocked at the blatant fear and desperation in it. Someone's falling right behind him, before him, reaching out for him.

Eddie. Eddie Munson. With all the same terror and need and pleading eyes that Steve remembers.

Steve automatically reaches back, shock urging him to beg just once more, somehow catching Eddie's hand. Immediately, he's crushed to Eddie's chest. Arms hold him tight, hands clenching hard at Steve's clothes.

Eddie feels real. Breathes and sobs like he's real. Warmth pulses through his clothes like he's real. Each brush of skin feels solid and soft and desperate and real.

So Steve holds him back. Tight, desperate to not lose him in their fall, no matter how real this may be. Shoves his face into Eddie's shoulder and closes his eyes and feels.

At least he won't go alone... At least in the end, he's not alone...

And then, like an electric shock, the world wakes up with noise. A familiar voice invades his senses, lamenting about a Mr. Crowley, as the world lights up in pure bright white behind his eyes-

Then another shock and he's gasping for air, falling from his suspension onto his bed and rolling off onto the floor.

Steve heaves, trying to regain his senses. The voices of his family surround him, echoing in his delirium, worried and scared. He breathes deep, attempting to respond... but his own voice beats him to it.

He finally opens his eyes, looking up from the ground he was kneeling over. There's no one around him, he's alone in his room.

His room that looks vaguely... fuzzy. And, come to think of it, uncomfortably wrong. There's a large mirror that rests opposite his bed that's now on the wrong wall, and the reflection is clearer than his own surroundings.

Except it's less of a reflection, and more of a portal. Through it, he sees his own body, sitting where Steve is kneeling, and staring at his hands. Shock and confusion is evident in every tremble of his fingers, and this reflection doesn't respond when someone says Steve's name.

There's something about it that feels familiar, a presence that Steve has longed to feel again for months. Steve unconsciously copies the reflection's position, and reaches out unsteadily. He wants to grab what he sees, catch the eye of it at the very least, just to know this is real like it was before.

Then another shock travels through his body, but this time, it lands hard in his fingertips and temples. He recoils sharply, face tensing up with a groan of pain.

But to this, his family reacts. Steve's eyes go wide, and he's suddenly met with reality. No fuzzy surroundings, with everyone right beside him. He shakes his shocked hand, rubs it, watches it flex and move just to convince himself. The presence from before is still there, but stronger now, like the person is right beside him.

He remembers the mirror, looks over at it, and freezes.

The others take notice, look at it too. Then they're freaking out, asking if anyone else can see it too, because it can't be real. Yet to Steve, it feels so so real.

The mirror reflects the room, but wrong. Fuzzy, without the others who are present. Where Steve's reflection should be isn't Steve. It's Eddie.

Dressed the same as he was in his final moments. Eyes as wide as the night they first found him. And that presence - the one Steve only felt during an Upside Down walk, at the front of a winnebago, in front of a trailer covered in vines - no longer feels like its beside Steve. Rather, like it's nestled right inside his heart, his brain.

Like Eddie's sharing the space there with Steve.

[unclewaynemunson]

( 🥐 anon )

i'm rewatching season one and tommy is yelling at steve for "running away". it just made me think of eddie and how he criticized himself for running when chrissy got vecna'd.

what if eddie survived the upside down and steve is like "why didn't you run?" and eddie explains that he didn't know why, he just felt like he should fight. it reminds steve of that time he stopped running (when jonathan and nancy were attacked in the house).

i don't know where i am going with this, but i figured you might have something to add if you wanted. :D

Hello again :D

Oh my beloved parallel <333 I thought about this all day and ended up writing a lil something about it :)

---

'I've been meaning to ask you something for a while,' Steve says. He's sitting right next to Eddie's hospital bed, like he has been often these past days, keeping him company and making him laugh and helping him with every little thing. It sounds oddly serious and Eddie just frowns at him in response.

'Why didn't you run?'

The question hangs in the air between them for a couple of seconds. Then, Eddie scoffs. 'Says the guy who insisted on being the one at the front lines,' he retorts.

Instead of bickering back, Steve stares at him, seemingly taking his time to carefully consider what Eddie had meant to be a throwaway remark.

'You know, the first time all this shit went down... I kinda did the same,' he finally admits. 'It was Tommy, of all people, who got in my head. Told me that I was always running away. And that's exactly what I did when I saw what was going on at the Byers' house.'

Steve had told Eddie all about it, earlier: about how he showed up to apologize to Jonathan and instead got robed into that whole Upside Down shitshow.

'Nance told me to leave. She pointed a fucking gun at my face and told me to get the hell out. And then the lights started doing their freaky flashy stuff and I - I ran.' He sighs. 'And then I came back,' he adds quietly. 'So that's why you didn't run, too?'

'I kept thinking about Chrissy,' Eddie says, his voice barely more than a whisper. 'How I left her there to die. I couldn't - I just couldn't run away again. Simple as that.'

Steve keeps looking into his eyes intently, holding his gaze, as if he's searching for something. Eddie almost forgets to breathe, feeling exposed and vulnerable with those soft brown eyes on him and the silence around the two of them.

'I guess this is where I should say "please don't do that again next time",' Steve says, his voice sounding strangely choked as he cuts through the silence. 'But apparently we both know it's not that simple, huh?'

Eddie nods, still stunned under the intensity of Steve's gaze. He thinks back to how it felt when he thought he was dying. It had been terrifying and awful and goddamn painful more than anything else, obviously. But there had also been something that almost felt like relief. He knew, in that moment, that he could never go back to being a coward again. That he had faced it all and didn't regret trying to be better, trying to protect his people.

Maybe he should also be brave in a different way, he thinks. So he stretches out his hand, rests it on Steve's, and gently squeezes.

[skiplo-wave]

Okay got done watching latest episode for walten files and man.

Martin has such a unique style. It reminds me of Amanda anaconda art style just more grostque, in good uncanny valley way. The improvement of his style is very nice. Voice acting and sound design too. The analog vhs style with buzzing and random skips, he’s pretty much mastered it.

On to actual plot. So this episode is flashback from when kids died to aftermath of it. Eddie and Molly souls are now in the doll they share together. Seemed they followed Felix whereever now he dumped them at the restaurant ( the coward).

Speaking of Felix three whole days since the accident. Bro dung three shallow graves. Tossed the kids belongs into river make it seem like they drowned. ( the bloody shoe got to me had pause the video ngl) Pussied out committing suicide which again why did you dig three holes Felix. Finally told Jack and Rosemary which, oof. To be a fly on wall from that. Did Jack beat Felix ass? Who knows. But at least what Felix done eats him up everyday until he became numb to it all. Did Sophie know? Maybe she did but with pills erasing all that trauma :(

On to trauma, Susan getting killed by Bon and her mangled body appearing in “ wonderland” good fucking god. And sound of her breathing! Deadass though Bon was sawing her body but no she’s just slowly suffocating in there!!! Rip to my theory of Bon being Jack lol Bon, the white guy ( literal) is new character? I’ll assume he was teased from website which I didn’t follow sorry. Anyway the hell is his motive? How he get here and why Bon burger of all places. Edd and Molly keep their distant from him which is good but sheesh!

Now I really need know what happened to Jack and if Bon had anything do with it. Or maybe they know which bodies since every soul needs a vessel. Theres two more episodes of season 1

Overall, well worth wait. Martin mention rest of episodes are finished but if he wants make changes or whatever go for it. I’ll be waiting

9/10

[peppermint-toads]

𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜

campcounselor!eddie x fem reader, piv sex, sappy fluffy goodness, upside down happened reader just doesn’t know

read part 1 here

Your duffle was slung heavily on your shoulder, the weight of the summer pulling you towards the muddy earth. The air smelled murky, and the lake had begun flooding into the grass overnight.

The campers were using their last moments to splash through the muddy puddles, staining their clean white socks light brown.

You saw Eddie stumbling out of his cabin with his deflated duffle. He, without fail, ran out of underwear every year before the first laundry day. When you asked him why he always packed so lightly, his response was soft but matter of fact and he said it with a shrug.

“Not much left for me at home.”

That was the year you’d noticed a shift in him. He’d finally graduated, and you thought he’d be elated, but something was wrong. This year, the color had finally started returning to his cheeks.

You had to bite back a smile every time you looked at him because he was him again.

He bounded down the rotting stairs of his cabin and towards you as soon as he saw you. His overzealous approach had him nearly knocking into you and bringing you both to the ground.

“So,” he smiled, catching his breath. “Last day, huh?”

You just hummed at him with a quizzical look as he grew still. Something was bothering him. You could always tell when something was bothering him.

“I know you usually take the bus,” he commented, looking down at his hands. “But, I was thinking, maybe you wanna ride in my van?”

He was checking if you were actually on board with him moving to Indy to be with you, or if it was just a fleeting moment that had you eager at the idea.

Your face fell. He was giving you an out.

“Do you—do you not want to? Just, last night I thought—”

Last night, while everybody was gathered for closing ceremonies and kissing their camp crushes goodbye underneath the dwindling summer stars, you and Eddie stole away in his cabin once again.

You found yourselves sticky and breathless, panting as the cicadas buzzed outside of the mesh covered windows.

You could hear the faint laughter and shouting from the campers and you smiled underneath Eddie’s gaze.

He had just come back to reality after what was probably the most intense orgasm of his life. He had been so enraptured by your pussy, your voice, the promise of a life with you. You had promised that, right?

He sighed loudly, and you watched his chest rise and fall heavily. The hazy-blue sky cast over his torso and you couldn’t believe how lucky you felt. You should’ve told him that.

You placed one sloppy kiss on his peck and he barked out a dimpled laugh. You rolled over, letting your body meld into the thin mattress for what felt like the thousandth time.

The flimsy door to the cabin rattled in its frame as the breeze picked up, the rusting latch doing little to keep it secure.

The sound of it oddly helped you sleep, and so did cumming around Eddie’s cock twice in one night. Safe to say you were knocked out within minutes.

But before you fell asleep, you felt Eddie reach over to tuck your hair behind your ear. Then he said something that made your heart skip.

“I love you.”

Little did you know, he’d been quietly confessing his love to you after you’d fallen asleep for weeks now.

There was no question about it. He loved you. He probably had been since he was sixteen. Now he knew, though, and he’d been having a really hard time keeping it to himself. He settled for telling you when you couldn’t respond. So you couldn’t confirm his worst fears.

Eddie’s face dropped. “Last night what?”

“You said, well, you said you love me.” You could barely repeat it, too scared you made it up, that it was all in your head.

Fuck it. Eddie Munson was done being a coward.

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah I did. And-and I do. So if that’s not what you want then that’s okay, I’m okay with that just—”

Your duffle dropped to the ground with a dull thud and your hands were on Eddie’s face, holding it as you planted a kiss on his lips.

He stood shocked and dumbfounded, waiting for his racing heart to catch up to his brain.

“I love you, too. Race you to the van, Eddie bug!”

“Told you to stop calling me that,” he mumbled, knowing you couldn’t hear him.

You left your bag, knowing he would carry it for you like he always did.

“And I am totally picking the music!” You called, twisting your neck to look back at him as you continued jogging to the van.

Eddie finally had something to call home again.

[harringtonshoe]

steve harrington x f!reader. 1k words. was in a very much angsty mood this evening so i decided to write a breakup fic loosely inspired by taylor swifts “you’re losing me”

“You’re really leaving,” Steve said, and despite his leveled stare he had faced you with, and the way his jaw was clenched, his voice had a tremor to it, as if the realization was just beginning to sink in. It was the only sign of caring he’d given you since the previous night.

You had packed one bag—just one—full of only necessities, toiletries, clothes, and anything else you deemed important. You were determined to leave everything behind, to forget everything that had happened. Everything but the one thing you truly wanted to stick by your side.

“You’re not coming with me,” you stated, the realization hitting you just has hard when you noticed the lack of things Steve had in his grasp. He was dressed in his usual jeans, and a collared shirt that you probably would’ve teased him about if it weren’t for the ache in your heart, but there was nothing on him, no bag, absolutely nothing. And you knew, you knew he wasn’t coming.

If the circumstances were different, you would’ve taken a step closer to him, you would’ve had to have stepped over the large gap in the ground—a gap that spread all over the town of Hawkins, a gap that, oddly enough, had kind of been the start to all of this.

It had started when you were sixteen, lounging in Steve’s backyard at one of his little get togethers, one that his new girl Nancy Wheeler had been invited to. You hadn’t a clue about what the friendship you formed with the girl would lead you to. The monster hunting in the Byers’ house, flickering lights, the powers that a little girl possessed.

You’d thought it would stop there, but it only got deeper, darker, as you grew older. Steve had been by your side the entirety of the way, helping you up when you’d fallen in the tunnels, being the first to cup and kiss your cheek when you, he, and Robin had been tortured in an underground chamber. But then Hopper died, then Eddie, a series of students from your high school, and Max was put into a coma. And you no longer felt safe in the town you grew up in.

And you weren’t the only one—understandably so. Though most folks didn’t know the real reason as to why the town was split into quarters, why it was snowing in Indiana of all places in the middle of spring, it was enough to make them leave. You wanted out, too.

You were old enough to move out on your own—old enough to have a stable job to afford living on your own, but that didn’t mean you wanted to do it.

But seeing Steve and all of your other friends in so many near death experiences had been too much. You’d begged Steve the night prior, begged him to come with you, pleaded that this time there was a much higher possibility that one of you wouldn’t make it back. And you were terrified, you’d already lost so many. You couldn’t lose him, too.

But Steve didn't see it that way. He’d argued back with you with just as much heat and desperation, and pleaded for you to stay, to fight—because that was who you were—not a runner, a coward.

You were fine with being a coward if it kept you and Steve safe. But you were the only one who thought like that.

The argument had ended with you slamming Steve’s front door, wet patches stained down your face because for once, neither of you were coming to any sort of conclusion. There was no middle to be met, no happy-medium to be found. Steve was persistent on staying, but you were just as stubborn on leaving. You’d told him to pack a bag, clutched at his hands, his shirt, asked him to leave with you the following morning, but Steve had told you firm and serious. A hard ‘no’ that you knew was his final answer.

But you had to try one more time. If not to convince him, then to say goodbye. Kiss him one last time—hold his face in your hands as you struggled to ever let him go.

It was why you stood so far away from him now, lingering in Steve’s driveway, your car still on, engine tutting from behind you. Steve shook his head, and you blinked rapidly. This was it, you realized. A brick hit your stomach. He wasn’t coming.

You’d known. You knew how Steve rarely changed his mind, it was one of the things you loved most about him. When he knew, he knew, and he wouldn’t stray from it. No matter how hard you pleaded. But you’d received a real confirmation now, and it was gutting you. Because your fear of losing Steve was coming true, it just hadn’t been in the way you thought it’d happen.

“Why would I leave?” He asked. “This place is our home. You’re just going to throw that away? Let Vecna chase you out of the only place you’ve ever known?”

“There’s nothing left for me here, Steve,” you said, just as firm, watching his expression change. “I’ve seen you almost die too many times, and I can’t take it anymore. Who cares if this is all we’ve ever known? We can make more memories somewhere else. Somewhere safer, Steve. Please.”

“It’s not gonna happen,” he crossed his arms, and you felt yourself deflate.

Of course you wanted to stay. You wanted to be with your friends, your boyfriend, watch Dustin grow up, witness Lucas become a world famous basketball star. But it was all too much, and it wasn’t enough to convince you. And Steve didn’t seem to be trying to anymore, either.

And if he’d asked just one last time, you might’ve said yes. If he asked one more time, you might’ve jumped over the gap in the concrete that was separating you, and kissed him. You would’ve dropped your bag, turned off your car, and let him lead you back inside. If he just asked one more time.

Do something, you begged internally. Say something, Steve. Anything. Tell me you love me. Don’t just stand here. Risk something, piss me off, argue with me again, do anything. I’ve got nothing. You’re losing me, and you’re not doing anything to stop it. Tell me you don’t want me to go.

When none of that came, you nodded once, then adjusted the bag on your shoulder.

It was settled, then. You didn’t look back when you climbed into your car—you didn’t see Steve’s glossy eyes, an expression that matched yours—you didn’t see how his hand shook as he reached to fix his hair in defeat—you didn’t see how he stood in his driveway until he couldn’t watch your retreating car turn down the next road, somewhere his eyes couldn’t follow.

You didn't see any of it, because you knew that if you glanced into your rearview mirror and caught any sort of sign of regret, that you would’ve turned around.

But you didn’t look back.