#eating a book a day for breakfast now because of this 😍

[sharp-hamburguer]

BUT I WISH TO CONSUME. ABSORB THE BOOK, ABSORB THE KNOWLEDGE 😃

2024 is the year we stop “consuming” and go back to “reading/watching/listening to/playing” things

[erinfern0]

Hiii💖 i love ur hcs about ghost😍 will u do more of them as their relationship goes further like moving in together then proposal and stuff like that please🥹🤍 if not that's ok have a great day/night💕

— gender-neutral nicknames, gender-neutral anatomy, only pronouns used are you, etc.

warnings: mostly fluff and comfort. there's also some smut. brief mention of anxiety, nightmares, and simon's past.

a/n: gosh, that's so nice, lovie!! have a wonderful day/night as well! <3 i think ill make one more post like this with husband!simon separately, so stay tuned if you're interested!

bf!simon who can't believe he's so lucky to have you. he didn't even believe you the first time you agreed to move in with him. you were just probably talking about how empty his flat is whenever he's deployed and he made a comment, something along the lines of "Wanna live there while I'm gone?" so casually you take it as a joke. But the more you two think about it, the more reasonable it sounds.

bf!simon who can't stand the idea of you denying him, so he doesn't ever bring it up again, just slides the keys to his flat with a note, written in his neat handwriting: "Make yourself at home, you practically live there already." You couldn't stop smiling as you grabbed some of the most important things into a bag and left your apartment.

bf!simon who finds you at his your shared place, sleeping on the couch. Before, whenever he thought about anyone being in his private space without his supervision made him crumble inside with anxiety, but now, as he looked at you sleeping so peacefully, he felt like his flat was finally more homely than ever.

bf!simon who adores how warm and cozy it is after he helps you move all of your stuff into his flat. Your little collections, blankets, books, hobbies, and snacks are splattered all over it, reminding him how close you two are every second.

bf!simon who quickly understands your routine and tries to find as much time to share with you. Oh, you have a slight break between your dinner time and reading time? Well, now you spend this time together.

bf!simon who becomes way more talkative and open about his feelings. Yes, it does take him a while, but he's not as emotionally unavailable as people believe him to be.

bf!simon who struggles to sleep sometimes, too caught up with his past and present fears/worries/anxieties. As soon as you move in, he finds sleep to be easier, calming even.

bf!simon who gets so grumpy whenever you try to leave bed early, he can't help but reach out and pull you close to himself, sometimes just lying on top of you to keep you close to him for as long as possible.

bf!simon who willl encourage you to work out with him. He prefers to do it by himself at home rather than going to an actual gym, so he loves it when you join him or just watch him from afar.

bf!simon who finds your presence to be overwhelming at times, but never takes it out on you. He's so used to living by himself that it's hard for him to switch so quickly to having someone around all the time, as soon as his back from deployment.

bf!simon who easily shares chores between the two of you, always putting a little more on his name, because you already do so much when he's away.

bf!simon who makes you a fresh cup of your favorite drink before he leaves the lat to run errands in the morning. Usually makes you breakfast too, adding some tiny notes to make your day a little better before he's back.

bf!simon who eats a lot to keep his form, so he always has something for you. It just feels weird to eat by himself when you're around, so he always has some snacks for you or will just share his meal with you.

bf!simon who likes to help you cook, but never does it purely by himself. that's a fire hazard right there. Yeah, he can chop some veggies or help you with the seasoning, but nothing more.

bf!simon who thinks sex is a great thing, helping people connect but doesn't ever pressure you into it. If you find intimacy to be difficult for you, he'll find other ways to make you feel good.

bf!simon who (with given permission) will keep you in bed for hours, kissing, touching, grabbing, caressing. Sex with him is slow, passionate, and breathtaking in the softest way possible, he's such a gentle lover he makes you feel heavenly.

bf!simon who can't help but fall more in love with you every day you live together, especially when he's back from another mission and can just rest in your arms, with you reminding him how much he means to you.

bf!simon who wants to marry you so bad it practically hurts, because he knows how much weight it can put on your shoulders. He doesn't start the topic before you do, too anxious to admit just how much he's scared of losing you or scaring you away with too much commitment.

bf!simon who caresses your face as you two fall asleep and realizes it's too late, he's already swooned by you. You have him wrapped around your finger and he just craves to have another reason to call you his.

bf!simon who comes back from running errands and sees you cooking. It's probably not the best idea to interrupt you like this, but he just can't hold back, fear cannot stop him all his life.

bf!simon who asks you if you'd like to marry him, but not proposing. He wouldn't surprise you like this, out of nowhere. He actually wants to hear your opinion and how you feel about it.

bf!simon who almost breaks down in tears as he hears how happy and excited you got. All dinner you talked about everything involving your life after marriage and he just smiled the whole time, mesmerized by you.

bf!simon who proposes to you a few months later, after you've talked everything through and both of you are sure you want this.

fiancé!simon who knows you so well, he buys you the most perfect engagement ring you've ever seen and it matches you so well. What surprises you is that he gets another, way simpler one for himself that he wears when he's home and hangs on his neck as he's back on deployment.

fiancé!simon who doesn't dream of a big wedding or anything, all he wants is to see you in the beautiful and cute outfit you chose and to say his vows and to finally say yes. He wants a civil marriage, but if religion is important to you, he doesn't mind your wedding happening at the church.

fiancé!simon who's amused by the way the rings shine on your fingers as you hold hands. Suddenly, he's more clingy than ever, having his hands on you all the time.

fiancé!simon who reminds you how much he loves you every day, but usually it's non-verbal. You don't have to hear it to know it. The way he holds you, takes care of you, helps you, supports you, looks at you - it's way more than enough.

fiancé!simon who can't stop imagining you in more lewd scenarios every day, always bringing his ideas up to see your reaction and is willing to try anything.

fiancé!simon who usually makes love to you, but after he proposes he finds new strength and courage to be rougher if you want. Now, you have days when he'll just fuck you the way you need or want him to, making sure you're comfortable every step of the way.

fiancé!simon who definitely had you on every surface of your shared flat. In the shower, bent over the kitchen aisle, on the couch, against the wall. He'll tease you about it too, especially when you get creative and figure something out yourself.

fiancé!simon who trusts you and is willing to give you some control in the bedroom. He starts to love the way you know exactly how to take care of him, his needs, and his body and he admires it more than anything.

fiancé!simon who might get a little insecure at times, looking at you from across the room, trying to figure out if he's not wasting your time. He wants to hear you say you want all of this, that you want him.

fiancé!simon who plans every little step and wants you to participate in planning. He hates the idea of taking the lead as surprising you with anything. That might not end well and he just wants you to be happy.

fiancé!simon who finally introduces you to his team, proudly looking at the ring on your finger, earning a ton of congratulations and questions from them. It's almost overwhelming how excited they all got, especially Johnny.

fiancé!simon who is secretly very happy to see you befriend his teammates, how much they treat you like a family member already. Because that's what you all are to him - a family he never thought he was going to have after what happened.

fiancé!simon who practices his speech in the mirror, trying to make everything perfect, because that's what you deserve. He rewrote it so many times, now the whole thing is engraved in his mind just waiting for the right moment.

fiancé!simon who doesn't find thinking about the future so terrifying anymore, that you are his future.

masterlist | request info

[shady-lemur]

Abby spolis reader for their birthday

i love this sm. it would physically hurt her to not kiss the ground you walked on on your birthday.

you wake up to abby singing happy birthday in her pajamas with a tray of food in her hands and your cat trailing happily behind her. she always comes through with the breakfast in bed omfg… blueberry pancakes, bacon, lots of fruits, some yogurt, chopped potatoes, orange juice, and coffee. you smile at her and sit up so she can set the tray up on your shared bed. “happy birthday angel. do you feel old now?” she teases and you shoot her a warning glance. “shut up. i’m not that old..”

abby laughs and gives you a kiss on the cheek before getting under the covers to sit next to you. she knows you’d be mad if she just made you food and sat there and watched you eat so of course she brought her own utensils and put extra food on the plate so you can enjoy it together. before you can start to eat she puts a candle in your pancakes. “you gotta blow your candle out first!!”

you shake your head at her and smile, “are you gonna make me do this every meal?” abby shrugs playfully and gets her phone out to film you making your first birthday wish. after you blow out your candle and notice her sneaking a few pictures of you now and then you whine. “absss! i look crazy in those. i’m not ready.”

she frowns and shakes your head, planting kisses all over your face. “you are so beautiful angel.”

you laugh at her ticklish kisses and move to have your lips meet hers. “thank you abby. this smells so fucking good.”

you eat breakfast while laughing with each other and listening to the playlist you made for her one year for your anniversary.

————————————————————————

after breakfast is when the birthday surprises REALLLY start. after you get ready for the day and put on the “birthday girl” sash that abby got for you you walk out of your bedroom to a decorated living space. banners hung on the walls. balloons on the floor, party hats, and a dining room table full of gifts. a massive bouquet, a few designer brand bags, jewelry boxes, your favorite snacks, and a few gift bags and boxes. not to mention the huge new cat tree in your living room because when it’s your birthday it’s basically also his.

“oh my god abby. i thought you said you weren’t gonna do anything crazy. this is so much.” you cover your face and groan (half playfully) when she wraps her arms around you and hugs you from behind, pressing gentle kisses behind your ear. “hmm? giving my angel some presents on her birthday is not crazy.”

you turn to face her and give her a “really?” look. she smiles at you and gives you a peck on the lips.

“i’m serious! all i did for your birthday was get you a few books and a watch.” you whine. abby shakes her head and furrows her eyebrows.

“noo. you made me an incredible homemade pasta, got me those very thoughtful gifts, made me a beautiful cake, and gave me the best present of all before bed.” she gives you a wink and you sigh, how does she still make you so hot in the face after 6 years together..?

“are you gonna open your gifts? we’ve got a busy day planned!!”

you look at her and smile, eventually giving in to her excitement to show you what she got you. her gifts definitely were not under 10k… the surgeon salary 😍😍😍

————————————————————————

of course, after opening your gifts she takes you to the mall for a shopping spree. using your birthday as an excuse for you to finally except her offers of paying.

“abby i can’t. you already spent all that money one me.” she looks at you, genuinely confused, because she doesn’t understand how you don’t understand that this is very much a win-win for you. you get a bunch of cool stuff, she gets to get you a bunch of cool stuff!! you put the purse back on the shelf but she slips in back in the basket while walking behind you like a baby duck.

“what about that dress angel? that style is perfect for you.” you look at her and smile before getting a dress to try on. it’s easier to give in than fight it.

after she pays at that store (chanel. you couldn’t even watch while she paid because it physically hurt) she smiles at you and gives you another kiss. “where do you wanna do next baby?”

so you led her to victoria secret, mostly as a reward for her because she won’t stop buying you shit!!!! her face definitely goes beat red at some of the things you point to or hold up to show her. “abs! wouldn’t that look so cute on me? i could wear it around the house, in the morning i-“

before you can finish she already had the right size in the bag. you giggle and continue to lead her through the store, basically just seeing how much you can tease her. “oh my god, abby!! can we get those, we could match!” in the bag.

“those look like they’d be so comfortable.” in the bag.

“oh my god i love that color!” in the bag.

*staring at something* in the bag.

and you don’t get to leave until at least another 8k was spent. jesus christ this woman.

————————————————————————

and of course you go to the fanciest restaurant abby could find. she takes you home after you shop so you can change into one of your new dresses and she puts on one of her favorite dresses too (sorry i know y’all wanted me to say a suit….. i’m just too obsessed with fem abby :(!!).

she feeds your cat and gives him a couple treats for being so good while you’ve been gone and then escorts you to her car before she goes feral because of how amazing you look!!

“you look so good baby. i can’t believe you’re my girl.” she reaches over the console (?? is that what it’s called…?) to give you a kiss, forcing herself to pull away before she gets too handsy.

you smile at her and move a hair out of her face. “abs. you’re so perfect. thank you so much for all of this.”

abby grins and looks at you like a fucking puppy. she puts her hand on your thigh and finally gets on the road!! she takes you to a very high end restaurant (ofc..) and has the staff give you a menu that has no prices… jesus christ. abby orders some wine and laughs as you try to pronounce the names of the fancy foods.

she tells everyone around that it’s your birthday just because she’s so excited to get to spoil you!! at the end of dinner they bring out a small cake with chocolate covered fruits around it. the cake has your name on it and abby makes sure to get pictures of your joyous face when it first comes out.

———————————————-—————————

you’re so tired by the time you get home. immediately stripping out of your dress and heels when the front door closes and making your way up to your shared bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. abby trails behind you happily. neither of you forget to pet the cat of course!!

after you finish in the bathroom you plop yourself on to the bed. you laugh when abby plops down next to you, causing the whole bed to shake. “thank you soo much for today abby. i couldn’t have had a better birthday.” you wrapped your arms around her sweetly and she copies your movements, resting her head against your shoulder. “this is no one near what i owe you for being you.”

you snort and look down at her. she starts to laugh too, “what are you laughing about? i’m serious!!”

“you’re so cheesy ab!! oh my god!”

you end the night with some cuddles and you’re favorite movie.

[novemberwasgrey]

Hi!! Since you’re also into the pjo fandom, let me introduce you to this concept: Wednesday as the daughter of Hades and Xavier would totally be an *edgy* Apollo kid!!

I thought about this before and I just love this idea 😍 Some headcanons for my PJO/Wednesday mutuals:

‌First and foremost: Wednesday is older than Nico and is protective with him like she is with Pugsley and Eugene. They're so similar it's scary. In camp, they're considered to be the two creepy children of Hades who dress in black and eat souls for breakfast. They love this reputation.

‌She is one of the only kids whose name Mr D actually remembers.

‌Someone said somewhere about a possible Wednesday/HP crossover that Wednesday and Hermione wouldn't stand each other which I completely agree with and I feel the same about Annabeth. They're too different, they would contradict themselves and talk over the other all the time.

‌As much as I love Clarisse, I don't think her and Wednesday would get along very well at first either because it's canon that Wednesday doesn't like bullies. More than once, she got back at Ares kids for putting the newbies' heads in the toilet.

‌Later on, when Clarisse matures a little bit and stops the bullying, they learn to respect the other and find themselves several common interests. Like I can't stop thinking of them bonding about their knives collections.

She tolerates Leo and he's her go-to person when she wants a new dangerous weapon for unknown purposes.

‌Bianca would totally be a daughter of Nike (Cabin 17) and her and Wednesday are constantly in competition. Capturing the flag is always intense when they're on opposite sides.

‌...she also didn't like that Bianca happened to date this cute tortured Apollo kid Wednesday stares a bit too much at 👀

‌I think her and Xavier would be sort of friends at first, like they arrived in camp at the same time when they were ten and grew up together. Then one day, they came across a monster on a minor quest, Wednesday saved him (like in the show) and since then, he's always been secretly in awe of her.

‌The day Bianca and Xavier broke up after eight months, everyone in Camp Half-Blood was gossiping like crazy. Nico basically barged in Cabin 13 while she was reading in peace and went like:

Nico: Guess who's single? Now you can ask him out.

Wednesday: I will not do such a thing.

Nico: Yes, you will. Unless you want Drew and the other Aphrodite kids to get to him first.

Wednesday:

Nico:

Wednesday *snaps her book shut*: Fine. I'll do something about this Apollo kid. On the condition that you do something about your Apollo kid.

Nico: What?

Wednesday: You've been drooling over Will Solace for years. Grow yourself a pair.

‌With lots of help from her best friend Enid from the Iris Cabin (of course Enid would be the daughter of the goddess of rainbow) and the fact that Nico had landed a date with Will before her (there was no way she was letting her little brother win), she finally confessed her feelings to Xavier.

‌Of course, turns out this idiot was in love with her for years but thought she wasn't interested and got dumped by Bianca because she found way too many drawings he had made of Wednesday.

‌In a nutshell, I like my favorite Apollo-Hades pairs and they deserve to be happy 😘

[sshireens]

9 people you want to get to know better tag 🫶

tysm for the tag @selfproclaimedunicorn!! some mutuals i’d love to talk to more: @benjicotblckwood @dipperscavern @emilykaldwen @murmel-malt @godswood-girl (not exactly nine but oh whale 🐋 !)

three ships: visdaemon, sansaery, anything involving aegon 2 i cannot deny… i love toxicity! but sansaery i wholly believe in like i will die on that hill they’re for each other. will it ever happen? no. is it real to me? Yes!

first ship: i don’t even know… omg it might be stucky… those two had me in a chokehold for YEARSS i think it may have rerouted my brian actually. i can go anywhere and do anything and relate it back to them. which is funny because im not a marvel fan

last song: michelle pfieffer, ethel cain! would love it to be something niche and mysterious but ive honestly just had the inbred album on repeat these last few days

last movie: emma (2020)! i always heard people talk about it as some fun girlish whimsical fun-time experience (i have the book too, but haven’t read it) and oh my god..? it was heartbreaking..? who lied

currently reading: lolita, vladimir nabokov! this is actually my second time reading it :)

currently watching: dunmesh & the crown. my coworker is trying to get me to watch the umbrella academy so that might be next on the agenda… as well as the bear and interview with the vampire! now that i have to wait another 2 years to see rhaenicent again (would have been in the 3 ships category but i think you’re able to tell by looking at my blog) i have to explore new territory

currently eating: ice cream 😋 nutritious breakfast! i would love to be at waffle house right now tho… mmm waffle house 😍

currently craving: cookies omg…. and pad thai. and waffle house, apparently. i really do love food i’m like constantly hungry. maybe i should go eat

[anfroginous]

Hatchetfield OC Week Day 7: Finale

Sam sat at the table, eating breakfast. His parents were there too, consuming their food silently. His dad was on the couch, his mom was at the table, and both of them were scrolling through Instagram. All of a sudden, almost synchronized, they put their phones down and face Sam.

"Honey, you've been getting older," his mom says, "and I think it's time... you join the Church." She hands him a pamphlet, and ze reads through it.

"The initiation meeting is two weeks from now. We want you to be ready," his father says.

Sam ignores them, like he always does. After breakfast, ze throws the pamphlet in the trash and covers it up with napkins. Ze's not gonna join his parent's stupid church.

~~~~~

Sam gazed out the window of the limousine. There ze was, dressed up in a blazer, hair done nicely; about to join the Church of the Starry Children, the odd cult he was born into. Honestly, after reading what he read of the Black Book? It didn't sound too bad. I mean sure, there were many rituals most people would find disgusting, but Sam never was most people.

The initiation ceremony is easy enough, actually, when ze gets there. Just a reading of an ancient text, and boom, he's in.

It's what he has to do after that's weird.

Sam has never seen so much blood, and ze still doesn't know where that human limb came from.

~~~~~

"So, you really do love me? This isn't a prank?"

Ruth is sitting on the grass, next to Sam, wearing a tank top and shorts. Sam is wearing his dark grey tee and some grey pants. The two are looking over a lake; Sam wanted to show it to Ruth because of how beautiful it was at this time of day. The sun is setting, and its rays stretch out into the sky and the lake, making it all a picturesque pink and orange and yellow color.

"~No, this is no prank/I see you're beauty, and my mind goes blank/I guess I never really knew/The right way to tell you~" Sam sings. Despite his best efforts, ze could never convince Pokey to drop the singing thing. True to his word, however, Ruth doesn't find it weird. In fact, she giggles, and sighs dreamily.

"I never thought anyone would love me like that, you know, but you..." she starts, and kisses him on the lips.

Their mouths mesh together awkwardly, but to them, it's paradise.

After they finish kissing, they stare at each other for a good, long while, then back at the lake. Ruth leans her head on Sam's shoulder, and ze brings his arm around her waist. They stay like that until the sun sets and the sky finally turns inky black, dotted with a million stars.

~~~~~

Sam walks up to Roman Murray, the leader of the Church. Ze focuses on his greying moustache, and tries not to fidget with zer hands.

"~Okay, try not to tremble...~" zesings to zemself, and then sings "~Is the church accepting new members?~" to Mr. Murray.

He looks up from his book. "Why, of course! Who are you planning on recruiting?"

"~My girlfriend...~" Sam blurts out. He's very excited to call Ruth his girlfriend, but ze's still very worried Mr. Murray will get mad at zem and reprimand zem for asking him.

"Ah, young love," Mr. Murray says wistfully. "I'll tell you what: I'll schedule an introduction meeting on Saturday. I hope to see you and your girlfriend there."

"~Thank you~" Sam says, and walks back to the limousine.

~~~~~

Sam pulls out his phone, and goes to the contact "Ruth 😘🥰😍🥵🔥"

sammy boi: hey!!!

Ruth 😘🥰😍🥵🔥: heyyyyyy 😏

sammy boi: do u wanna come to my church on saturday

Ruth 😘🥰😍🥵🔥: sure

Sam put away his phone, ignoring the "typing..." right below Ruth's contact name. Ze looks over the lake near his house, alone this time, and breathes it all in.

Ze has what he wants, and that's what matters; no matter what ze had to do to get it.

okay so i did it! i wrote the thing! hooray! This is a LOT later than usual but writers block is a bitch lol

I'm probrably gonna write more about Ruth and Sam lol. Also I have SO many ideas for Zoinked you wouldn't believe

@hatchetfieldocweek

[willowfolksong]

Omg can i be added to the taglist of Miya Conundrum ? 😍 I think its real good!

Also, can i request a fic/scenario/whatever works for you where the reader's love language is physical touch but they love Sakusa. He also loves them (they are dating) but like, as you know, he is not much into PDA and being that touchy so reader feels hurt/ not loved, so Omi notices that and tries to improve? Hurt/comfort, please, thank youu ♡♡

untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

- Sakusa Kiyoomi x Reader

- SFW

a/n: hi @sexyandcringe !!!! I'm so sorry it took me so long but here it is! well ... at least the first part 😅 I have a penchant for splitting kiyoomi's requests in two and I'm so sorry hope you don't get mad!!! next part will be up in a couple of hours, so stay tuned! I really hope you like it. I love wiring kiyoomi so much. and I love angst too ngl. and yes of course I'll add you to the taglist of the Miya conundrum!!! ♥️

Love,

Willow ☀️

(Requests are currently closed, but I'll let you know as soon as they open ☀️)

Part I - Part II

Kageyama lightly touching Hinata's hand would be a very insignificant gesture if it wasn't because suddenly, it strikes you as such a foreign thing, Kageyama and Hinata's subtle, almost involuntary PDA. They touch and kiss and look at each other like they can't help it - maybe drawn by the other's warm, or craving that intimacy that now you know you really want, but it seems to be always out of reach, even after two years of dating your boyfriend, Kiyoomi Sakusa.

"That's my napkin" he says, snapping you out of your thoughts, and softly taking the white piece of clothe from under your fingers "Did you use it?"

You clear your throat, tearing your eyes away from the couple in front of you, and back to your boyfriend. He's looking at you all serious, and you can see the beginning of that frown you know it formes when something upsets him.

"I'll ask the waiter for another one. I'm sorry" you sigh, and move slightly away from him.

The rest of your double date leaves you feeling empty.

"Is something wrong?" Kiyoomi asks you from the bathroom. You've been quiet since you got home, only opening your mouth to say that you're too tired for a shower, and that you're going to put your pijamas and just go straight to bed.

Looking up from the book you're not reading, you immediately sense what your boyfriend is about. "You want me to shower?"

"That would be nice, yes. We were out on the street just recently"

"It's winter tho" you add, looking out of the window. Kiyoomi doesn't bulges, looking at you from the door with a mix of curiosity and severity in his eyes. You gulp, and uncover your bare legs for him. The shorts you're wearing are not sexy in the slightest, but you're not really looking to get any kind of action either way. You're tired, very much so, and what your heart and body desire, is a hug "Come here" you call, inviting him to join you.

"I'll be right there" he says, unsure for a moment, before turning off the lights on the bathroom and marching slowly towards the bed. Instead of the spot between your legs, he choses his own side of the mattress to sit, and although you knew it would happen, it's still hurts.

Right in that spot where you feel like something is missing, deep inside you.

"I'll go take a shower" you say, standing up as quickly as you can so he can't see your tears.

"I suppose you don't really have to, if you don't want to" he starts, but you close the door before you can hear the rest "I don't mind... because it's you"

You're still distant the next day, struggling to eat breakfast and sipping your coffee in silence. You don't demand a morning kiss, and Kiyoomi doesn't asks for one, opting to stare at you from his place on the counter. It's a chilly winter morning made for cuddling on the sofa and drinking hot chocolate, and you wonder if that's what Kageyama and Hinata are doing. If Kageyama kisses Hinata's unruly red hair, and pretends like he doesn't realize what he's doing, when he tries to get the cold out of his boyfriend's arms with light caresses and comforting touches.

"Hinata sent me a text a couple of minutes ago" Kiyoomi says, almost as if he can read your thoughts "You were in the bathroom"

"Oh?" you hum, still staring blankly at your coffee.

"He wants to know if we want to go window shoping with them"

"No, please" you say, and almost immediately realize the urgency in your voice, because Kiyoomi perks up and frowns, leaving his fork on the table "I don't feel like it, it's all"

"You've been acting strange since we came home yesterday" he tells you, both hands resting on his lap, and you come to the conclusion that the feeling of longing that bubbles up from your chest and grips your throat, has always been there.

You've always wanted him to reach across the table and take your hand.

You've been waiting for spontaneous hugs and kisses since day one.

Since that rainy, faithful day in wich Hinata decided to introduce you to one of his teammates, thinking you two would hit off.

Since the first night, when he didn't kiss your head before turning around and going to sleep.

Since that wedding you two went together, and he didn't pulled you closer to him, heart against heart.

You've been waiting and waiting and waiting, and all it took for you to open your Penelope's eyes was to, once again, be an involuntary witness of the simple and without restraints love that your friends share.

"I think we've never had a honeymoon phase" you say, staring ahead, past Kiyoomi and into the living room, drenched in the morning light.

"What?"

"You know" you try to explain, a hollow chuckle escaping you "That initial part of the relationship, when you just can't stop with the PDA"

"I don't understand how any of this has to do with you acting weird" Kiyoomi asks, but the crease between his eyebrows has grown in size, and he's slowly standing up, as if trying not to scare you "If you would like to explain..."

"You never hug me" you state, finally looking at him properly. "You never kiss me, or touch me, or thread your fingers on my hair..."

"That's not true" Kiyoomi argues, and he suddenly looks mad "And I don't understand where is this all coming from"

"I don't understand it either" you admit, and your boyfriend looks slightly perplexed, pausing, and letting go of the chair where he was sitting "I guess it's always been here" you whisper, pointing to your chest "But I never really knew"

"You're saying I'm not a good partner, is that?" Kiyoomi asks, sighing angrily "Are you suddenly realizing that I don't do enough? All because of a date?"

"Yes" you say, as confidently as you can, but trying to avoid his gaze, and the way his eyes open in surprise, not expecting that answer in the slightest "Yes, I suppose I am saying that, Omi"

He doesn't says anything as you stand up and push your plate away. He doesn't talks while watching you put on your coat and slipping your boots on. It's the sound of the lock and the door opening that makes him bolt and grab your sleeve.

"Where do you think you're going?" he demands, voice frantic and trembling around the edges.

"Outside" you say, and tug your arm away "I need to think"

"This is all pointless" he exclaims, but doesn't seem too sure. There's panic in his eyes, and the severity of the situation seems to be finally catching up to him "I don't understand how you get like this... when we were eating breakfast so calmly and now..."

"It was calm for you, but not for me"

"Going out in the cold won't solve whatever issue you think we have" he tries to reason, but his words only make you angrier "Take your coat off and we can talk on the sofa"

"No" you say, and step into the hallway "I'll see you later Kiyoomi. Please let me have some time"

The sound of the door closing muffles whatever he wanted to say, and you run down the stairs surrounded by a hazy cloud of thoughts and regrets.

[shameless-army]

This fic is so quait. And this chapter is so elegant and gorgeous like..... I was sighing the whole time. With the joy and pleasure reading each paragraph brings me. I waited for part 11 to come out. And I succeeded cause I removed it from my mind completely. And it was so rewarding. I am so glad I waited cause now just gotta jump to the next one.

Before that though... What can I say. Its hauntingly beautiful. Specially the forest scene. You describe woods like the wildwood tarot describe them. If you don't know. They are described as magnetic, majestic, magical beings with infinte wisdom and knowlege. Who care for every being but can seriously maim you if they want. It is one of the ancestral decks.

Reading your descriptions of the woods or anything about nature is a spiritual experience. I feel so light. Free of any emotion, Cause what are my problems even worth In front of these majestic beings?? At the same time I feel so much. Cause you make me see all the beauty.

Your descriptions make me feel electric and ethereal. Like when you walk into the woods, undisturbed by humans at the dawn, there is fog and silence. You feel exhilarated for all the possibilities but you also bask in the silent beauty that surrounds you.

At this point I can just read the different way you describe the nature with metaphors and personifications and I will be happy. Its all I need really.

Sorry for going on a huge tangent here but I love love love the way you write about the earth, or the inanimate objects. Your personification give me chills.

The character development was so good specially towards the end. It seemed so real too. You don't just make up your mind and do it, you back pedal a lot, even when you know you shouldn't. Which is shown wonderfully In sh. Wonderfully cause it doesn't feel repetitive. The fear is the same but it is shown in so many forms. Which is amazing to read.

This played like a high definition movie in mind. I felt so good. The picture you painted was awe inducing and gave me goosebumps so many times. The stream from the mountain paragraph was a beauty.

I want to quote every line in this. Which is why the one I choose finally are a lot too. I am sorry to clog your comment section like this.

The warmth of his body. The way you had fit into all of his nooks and cracks. His lips, blooming like spring’s first cherry blossoms upon your skin.

What can I say never read anything like this. Its beautiful. 😍😍😍😍😍

He kisses you lightly, like he’s not in any rush to get anywhere, like he’s got nothing planned for the rest of the day except to kiss you. One of his hands winds its way to your cheek, cupping it gently. The kiss is a soft, wandering thing.

UFF the tingling i had all over my body reading this part 🙈🙈🙈

Yoongi, you find half clothed and finally ghosting the hallways, long after breakfast has been finished. Somehow in his sleepy state, his soft aura and hard edge blend intoxicatingly well together. He sends you a wink when he finds you staring a little too long.

Isn't this yoongi described perfectly. A lazy looking ghost who can't see to be bothered but is too sexy for his own good.

Jin, all over the house, eating very drippy fruit. It seems to be a brand. A really fucking well-suited brand.

Nothing truer than this was said before this. On brand. Absolutely.

Yes, you want to say. You can keep doing that absolute fucking sexy page turn thing.

I am screaming!!!!!!! So true lol. He looks crazy hot with a book. And these are my thoughts exactly.

Like light in flight, flickering down from the trees onto you. It makes you feel like you’re bathing in something golden and rare.

I am swooning😍😍😍😍😍. Whoever end up being your SO is one lucky person. To be described like this. I am sure you will write letters for them and I am jealous because of it. ☹️😢

He reaches down and lifts your hand before flipping it over, palm facing up. Your breath shudders as he tenderly lifts your hand to his mouth and presses a full-lipped kiss to the middle of your palm. And then he lifts your hand a little higher, and kisses your wrist, right where the pulse is screaming through your veins.

There wasn't anything sexual, like hardcore sexual thing here. But why was I sweating so bad. This paragraph alone has the same effect as a full smut one shot.

When you look up at him, he’s got a bit of a smug smile on his face and you can’t help but stop the eager smile that slips across your lips. It’s good to see him like this.

True smug joon is so rare to see and a pleasure to witness.

“Hobi,” you say softly, “I couldn’t feel uncomfortable because—”

I wanted to kill someone😀😀

Taehyung, well, he is old love, shaped new.

I love this line read it like 15 times and stopped to sigh everytime. Love it. I am crying. 😭😭😭😭

They look so comfortable, like they belong there together. Like no matter how the cards fell as each of you were given your lot in life, these seven men were meant to be in the same room with one another at some point, that a spark would fly, in any universe, timeline, or life. As you stand in the hallway, the distance between you and them widens.

Bts is described so well. This is exactly how it would be. Also the fear is so real. Poor OC. I wanted to hug her.

You want to fall asleep on their chests, in their clothes. You want to wake up in the morning with them curled around you. You want to fall into them at any given moment, wrapping around their backs in the kitchen, tackling them on a hike—all the things that you know and love about your friendship with them. But if you could, you want to ask for it to linger. You want the lingering, the hands tangling, the holding on even when you should have let go long ago..

Ah the intimacy of this all I am loving it here. Funny how this started because of the ot7 thirst and ended up being so intimate and called me out in every chapter. I loved seeing a reflection of my fears 😀😀 (I am kidding I do love it all though)

The word is run.

Poor OC but I understand her all too well.

At once, you feel it all. This deep, deep consuming fear. You want to push it away, but something urges you: look a little closer and suddenly you know. This whole time, you’ve been afraid of being found. Of being looked at. Of being seen.

But beneath that lies something else: a fear that the people you hold most dearly to you do not want to find you.

I will cry !!!!!! I am crying!!!!!! I didn't sign up for this!!!!!! Why would you do this to me 😭😭😭😭

The path you were walking has long since crumbled beneath your feet. For months now, you’ve been bushwhacking through the forest. And now, finally, you see it, standing golden before you. The choice was never between the known and the unknown. It was never a choice at all. The only way forwards was always into the unknown, into the empty sky, nothing but grey clouds swimming beside you.

The truth is, there is no escape. The open door of the house marks what you already know: You’ve already been seen. But the fear is that if you turn around, no one will be there waiting for you.

I don't know what to say willow. How to describe my feelings. I love you for writing this though.

“What if I don’t know how?” It’s barely a whisper.

I cried lol. She is so adorable nad precious. But this is so true it rings very true for me irl.

The mailbox is all the way up the steps, but the way the postcard is laying in the grass is almost like the house spit it out.

This personification had me SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow wow wow. Willow you wordsmith. I am so glad you decided to start writing. This is what you are meant to do. These ideas and words are too pretty to be just in my mind. They deserve to come out and be read and admired. You were made to do this. To write. To inspire and to make us feel. So much. It's such a blessing I found you and get to read your works. Thank you for always blessing me with such an intricate work of art. I love you.

P. S. I actually cried everytime I said I am crying here. But I loved every second of it.

P. P. S. Iamsorryforsuchalongnote I have no self control 😭😭

sh. | ot7 | chapter ten

PAIRING ot7 x reader

RATING Explicit. 18+.

GENRE smut. fluff. angst. nonidol au. wildnerness au. roommates au. friends to lovers.

SUMMARY Six months of quarantine have kept you apart. Somehow the distance sparks something new in each of you: questions, unfinished conversations, threads once chased now left cold. So when your roommate invites you to come with him to a mysterious house in the mountains with your friends, how could you even think of saying no?

WC 6k

WARNINGS AND TAGS  no reference to reader with pronouns. navigation of consent. yn wears a dress. mentions of bts being larger than the reader.

← || series m.list || →

AN: Hey, do you know @madseok and @calixwrites and @thatlongspringnight? because you should. because they're the literal best. writing this chapter was a bit of a several-weeks nightmare and yet these folks stepped in and helped my sanity and my creativity and this chapter. i am so so grateful for them. so much is happening with nanowrimo in this story and they're keepin me on track. pls give them a hug if you see them.

©wwilloww Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without my permission.

CHAPTER TEN: PLUMS IN OCTOBER

There’s nothing quite like waking up the night after a good cry. It has a kind of crystal clarity to it. Your lungs ache a little, your eyes are swollen, but you feel cleared out. Like your chest has been mopped and dusted and whatever’s left, well, it feels ready for the day.

The window is still open, spilling too-cool air into the room and you pull the down blankets up to your chin, rolling over, swollen eyes still sleepily closed, hand reaching out, hoping to find a body, hoping—

The window is still open. Your eyes shoot wide as the events of last night come flooding back.

The warmth of his body. The way you had fit into all of his nooks and cracks. His lips, blooming like spring’s first cherry blossoms upon your skin.

That thin line between dream and reality still wavers before you, grey and unclear. What from last night had been nothing more than the workings of your mind? And more frightfully, what had been his own doing? In the dark, it was harder to tell. Your name, sung from his lips? His hands wrapped around you like he couldn’t bear to let you go? Your lips, pressed to his neck—well, horribly unfortunately, you were very sure that that did happen. In the daylight, your face warms in embarrassment at the memory.

Snatching your hand away from the other side of the bed, you’re relieved to find it empty  and surprised by  the pang of longing that strikes you at the realization. Would you rather be alone, or embarrassed? You’re not sure.

Heart all a-ache, you clamber out of bed and get dressed, pulling on a comfortable flannel over a pair of leggings. The scent of breakfast is already wafting underneath the closed door, and, stomach grumbling, you make your way out of the room only to bump into a very firm body.

“Oh!”

Jimin turns around, already dressed and ready for the day.

“Jimin. Were you waiting for me?”

“Yeah,” he grins.

“Is this kind of meeting going to become regular?”

“I don’t know, do you want it to?”

You smile, reach for him, hands winding around his waist. So close, it’s hard to deny the warmth radiating out from between your bodies. He pulls you tight against his chest, threading his fingers between yours, and the two of you just stand there, smiling a little sleepily at one another before he speaks:

“I’m going to kiss you. You know, as a good morning.”

His lips are dangerously close. “Uh-huh, sure. A good morning.”

He kisses you lightly, like he’s not in any rush to get anywhere, like he’s got nothing planned for the rest of the day except to kiss you. One of his hands winds its way to your cheek, cupping it gently. The kiss is a soft, wandering thing.

“Good morning,” he says against your lips.

“Good morning,” you reply breathily.

Softness though, quickly becomes heat as he slips his tongue between your lips and maneuvers you against the closed bedroom door. His hips press into yours, grinding against you. It’s heated, needy. You respond with your fingers drawing down his back. Searching for skin, you untuck his button down from his pants and skate your fingers along the warmth of his hips. You think he might even fuck you, right outside your bedroom, if you let him, fast and desperate. It’s like second nature to imagine him breathing hard against your neck as he fucks into you, imagine him coming and it dripping down your—

Your name sounds from the end of the hallway. And then: “Jimin? Is that you?”

“Shit, shit, shit,” you curse, your hand fumbling for the doorknob behind you as you press down and tumble with Jimin into the bedroom. You slam the door behind you as footsteps ring down the hallways, ever nearing. In a frenzy, you attempt to straighten yourselves out. Jimin chuckles as he watches you frantically try to compose yourself, tugging your clothes back into place.

“It’s Hoseok,” Jimin says, just as the door opens and the man himself walks in. His gaze flickers between the two of you, your bedhead, Jimin’s half untucked button-down shirt.

“Morning, Jimin.”

“Morning Hobi,” Jimin says, already reaching for the door ready to slip out. “See you at breakfast.” You throw him a meaningful glare as he disappears into the hallway.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok asks, stepping closer. “Your lip—” Before you know what’s happening, he reaches out for you, and traces his thumb over your swollen lower lip. “What happened?” In his voice, there’s an edge of curiosity, of trepidation.

Instead of answering, you find yourself staring up at him. A thick lock of dark hair falls into his eyes, and he blinks, but, too focused on gliding his rather large thumb against the soft flesh of your mouth, doesn’t brush it away. But you do, reaching for him and tucking the piece of hair tenderly behind his ear again. And there’s that thing again.

Clear and crystal cold, like the wind sweeping in through the open window. Striking right through your chest, while your fingers trace the shell of his ear and his thumb presses into the corner of your lip.

Your breath shudders to life, and as it sweeps over his hand, he seems to blink back to reality, and with a nervous chuckle, slips his hand away from your mouth.

“Sorry,” he says quickly. “Forgot myself there for a moment.”

“’s okay, nothing to apologize for,” you breathe. And you mean it. You don’t want him to apologize for any of it.

You two are still standing so close.

“Breakfast?”

“Breakfast, yeah,” you chuckle, and the tension breaks. He smiles that familiar smile and leads you out of the bedroom.

As your nose fills with the smell of kartoffelpuffer and roasted chestnuts, the phrase echoes in your mind: forgot myself. Funny enough, you feel more yourself than you have in months, despite the soft, confusing glow that’s now taken up residence in your chest. Hoseok sits close to you at breakfast, and at some point, his arm is swung across the back of your chair. As Jimin chatters about a dream he had—something about camping in the forest to awaken to an empty lake—you let yourself lean against Hobi’s arm. He smiles down at you when you do, grinning like you’ve just made his day, and you warm beneath his gaze. When you turn your attention back to Jimin and his dream, you almost think Hoseok’s fingers brush against the back of your neck.

But it can’t be.

It feels too normal. It feels too right. To have him there, touching you like that. When you glance up at him, he’s looking down at you, a smile quirking in the corner of his mouth.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

It doesn’t feel like nothing.

When his gaze shifts across the table, you follow it.

Jin is leaning back in his chair, a slow, late morning smile spreading across his face. One of his hands is on Tae’s thigh, who is chatting eagerly and enthusiastically with Jimin, but your attention is anywhere but there. Instead, it’s on Jin’s mouth.

Jin bites into a ripe plum—is it even plum season anymore?—and the juice spills out from his mouth, dribbling down one corner while a particularly large drop glides over the crest of his lip before slipping down to his chin. His tongue darts out to collect the purpling juice, but he’s too late, the plum bead is already trailing down his neck, a kind of dark stain on his skin.

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, you curse, What the fuck is up with these men today?

It’s then that he catches your gaze.

“Still hungry?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“V-very full, um but—Where’d you get that?” you stammer. It’s long past season for ripe plums.

“The tree. In the backyard.”

Curious, you stand from the table, your curiosity winning out over your desire to stay glued to Hobi’s side, and drift to the broad window that looks over the backyard. Sure enough, among the golden and bare trees stands a fully fruiting plum tree.

“How strange,” you murmur. “A plum, in October.”

Breakfast breaks, and you’re nearly ecstatic to hear that it’s not your turn to do dishes. The rest of the day stretches out before you, empty and impending.

Tonight is the night you all decide where your relationship is going.

Over breakfast, Jimin had suggested that you all dress up for dinner tonight, something that everyone hastily agreed to, as it had been a while since you all had done something of the sort. Back before you had all been separated, every once in a while you, as a group, would dress to the nines and hit the town, always deciding on a fraudulent event to celebrate: a 50th wedding anniversary, a nobel prize, a belated middle school graduation. Dazzling and decadently dressed, any stranger who came across your party would be convinced within minutes by a chirpy Jungkook and serious Jin of the notoriety of the night. The frequency of these events lead to you all being prepared to dress to the stars at the drop of a hat. However, those nights feel like eons ago.

Now, though, a significant part of you feels as though all of you are speeding towards imminent doom. At least you’ll be doing so in style, you think wryly.

You decide to take the day to yourself, avoiding the boys’ invitations to go kayaking and rockclimbing and the like, instead insisting on getting some much-needed quiet time.

That doesn’t last long though, because it seems like every corner you turn in the house, another beautiful man is waiting, taking up space, making you think wildly improper things:

Taehyung, emerging from the heated pool in the backyard. The water drips off of his body, and you swear time has slowed to slow motion. Droplets roll down the tight muscle of his torso and he shakes out his long, wet hair in a kind of doggish motion. There’s something wildly youthful about him these days, you think as you watch from the window. A kind of youth that has little to do with age and more to do with an unhinged kind of freedom.

Yoongi, you find half clothed and finally ghosting the hallways, long after breakfast has been finished. Somehow in his sleepy state, his soft aura and hard edge blend intoxicatingly well together. He sends you a wink when he finds you staring a little too long.

Jin, all over the house, eating very drippy fruit. It seems to be a brand. A really fucking well-suited brand.

The day passes quickly. Too quickly. You want to cling to time, ask it to hold back, and you do your best to do so, scrolling through your phone and flipping through random books in the library.

But soon the sky is darkening and the house becomes quiet as everyone begins to get ready for dinner and the looming conversation. As you’re making your way back to your room to try to scramble something from your pile of sweatpants and sweaters that might look a little bit nice, you stumble across a small reading nook,  inhabited by your roommate. You poke your head in.

Namjoon is sprawled elegantly across the window seat that overlooks the back of the house. Framed against the dramatic mountains, he looks the picture of the intellectual mountain man, a book propped up in his hands, the valleys behind him caked in sunset.

When he goes to turn the page, he brings the pad of his thumb to his lips. Pink tongue darts out to wet the tip, before he presses it to the corner of the page with such precision and care that you too, find yourself wetting your lips.

He notices your gaze.

“Hm?” he hums your name. “Can I help you?”

Yes, you want to say. You can keep doing that absolute fucking sexy page turn thing.

“Nope, nah, all good,” you say a little too quickly.

“Oh?” he cocks an eyebrow and closes the book with a loud snap! “It seems like you’re thinking about something?” You shake your head, but he stands and moves towards you. “Perhaps, are you thinking about yesterday?” He knows you too well. You give in.

You nod.

His eyes darken as the two of you stare into one another. It’s the same look as yesterday: the steadiness of him, knowing in his desire. Like light in flight, flickering down from the trees onto you. It makes you feel like you’re bathing in something golden and rare.

His steps sound dully on the wooden floor as he approaches. You’ve been hovering against the doorway, watching him, so when he arrives before you, he slots himself in in the narrow frame, looking every inch the broad and dashing man that he is. His large hand grips the archway as he towers over you. Your back is pressed to the inside of the old wooden door now, and the two of you swing in a balance between the two rooms.

Everything says he’s going to kiss you. His lips are a little flushed. His lids, heavy. His breath, so, so close to weaving itself into yours. He says otherwise.

“I won’t kiss you. Not before all the dust settles. Doesn’t seem fair to the others. But I will do this.”

He reaches down and lifts your hand before flipping it over, palm facing up. Your breath shudders as he tenderly lifts your hand to his mouth and presses a full-lipped kiss to the middle of your palm. And then he lifts your hand a little higher, and kisses your wrist, right where the pulse is screaming through your veins.

Somehow him not kissing you where you want him to is even more thrilling, as your whole body buzzes with excitement. It’s like standing on the edge of a great height and looking down.

“Oh, please, Namjoon. Are you really going to deny me?” you tease, sure that his valiance will lose out against his desire.

He looks genuinely torn for a moment there, but he nods, sets his face into that of a perfect gentleman and says “Yes.”

Your heart is racing. “And I can’t do anything to convince you otherwise?”

With the softest of touches, he reaches for you, takes your chin in his hand, and runs his thumb across your cheekbone before tracing it over the shell of your ear. He takes you in for what feels like a long moment, and you know he is considering your offer. Considering what you might offer. Your heart ricochets in your chest.

“No,” he says finally, though it looks like it pains him.

Your heart thuds to a disappointed stop.

“Well,” you say, perking up, still trying to brush the electricity of his touch from the soft skin off your face. “If you’re going to deny me that, you might at least escort me to my chambers?”

“That I can do,” he smiles and takes your arm like he did yesterday. “Shall we tour the grounds?”

“Indeed, m’lord.”

He chuckles.

The two of you wander off down the hallway, leaving your books behind.

“Tell me,” you say. “Why isn’t it fair to the others that you kiss me?”

Namjoon laughs at your pout. “Well, I suppose. It feels like everything’s hanging in the balance of this question and maybe… well, maybe I lost a bit of my sense yesterday. Pushed things too far.”

“I didn’t think you pushed things too far, not at all,” you grin. And then more quietly. “Maybe I wouldn’t have minded if you pushed it a little bit further even.”

Namjoon coughs at the insinuation.

“Oh?”

“Mm,” you affirm.

When you look up at him, he’s got a bit of a smug smile on his face and you can’t help but stop the eager smile that slips across your lips. It’s good to see him like this.

“Can I expect you’ll be showing up in all your finest tonight?” Namjoon asks.

“Ah, well, if my finest is my best cable knit sweater and my favorite pair of leggings, then yes.”

“You mean you’re not dressing up?” He seems shocked.

“I forgot to pack my MET gala look,” you shrug.

“Unacceptable!” he cries, letting go of your arm. “It’s not tradition if you’re not in your finest—we’ll have to find you something.”

“What? You brought a full-on suit to the mountains?”

“Yes of course I brought a suit to the mountains,” Namjoon says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Most of the others did too.”

“Oh.” You suddenly feel strange showing up in a pair of sweatpants when all of your friends will be in tuxedos.

Namjoon notices. “But don’t you worry one bit. I’ll find you something to wear before tonight.” “My aunt has to have left some clothes somewhere. She was known for her parties, I bet I can find a boa and something sparkly somewhere.”

“You’ll pick something out for me?”

“I’ll pick something out for you,” he grins.

You warm at the thought of Namjoon picking something out just for you: him staring at colors and cuts and guessing what kind of thing you would look best in.

The two of you chatter as you wander around the many hallways of the house, before making your way back to your bedroom, your arm cradled in his elbow. It feels like the beginning of a new habit. One you like.

As you near the glass bridge, it strikes you that this may be the last moment together before everything changes. The last moment as a friend group that is merely a friend group.

You dare to look down at the edge of the bridge, and you find something that surprises you. Before, it was simply a rocky ravine. But a crystal clear stream trickles down through the rocks and trees. Had that been there before? Where it emerges from the rock, it looks like the mountain has cracked open and is spilling its innards to the world.

“Has that always been there?” you ask.

“Oh, uh, I—I don’t think so?” Namjoon murmurs, just as struck as you. “How strange.”

The dress Namjoon picked is stunning. Somehow, it fits you perfectly, and you say a small thank you to his aunt for the opportunity to wear something that looks, well, like a piece of art.

The dress blooms in red. Soft fabric falls like the new stream of water down your body, where it gathers at your hip before spilling down in a new cascade to the floor. Sleeves that at first felt too large to wear now perch at your shoulders, a semi-transparent poof that makes you feel like someone who’s just recently discovered they are royal.

You feel divine.

It’s been so long since you dressed up, and tonight, it feels like some kind of offering to a temperamental god.

Dressed, (well, mostly, the shoes Namjoon brought you were microscopically small) you wander out into the house, but no one is to be seen. You still have a little bit of time before dinner, and so when the urge pulls you, you follow.

The mountains, dressed in dusk, call.

You step outside, the cold biting through the warm fabric of the dress, the hiking boots you’ve donned, a stark contrast to the elegance of the outfit. You wander towards the edge of the kept yard to where one side of the slope drops off into the valley.

“Hi,” a dark voice murmurs from behind you.

“Hoseok,” you smile.

“It’s so formal when you speak to me like that,” he frowns.

“Hobi—” you correct.

“You’re beautiful—”

“Ah—”

“I mean, you look beautiful tonight.”

“And I don’t the other nights?” You raise a teasing eyebrow.

“No, of course, but—you look a different kind of beautiful tonight. By the way… last night. I’m sorry about last night,” Hoseok says quickly.

“Sorry?” you say. “No, no need to be sor—”

“I was dreaming,” he interrupts. “And forgot my place.”

Forgot my place.

You don’t know how to fit these words into your body.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, if you woke up and felt unsafe or worried or—”

“No, no, I wasn’t uncomfortable.”

Hoseok freezes and looks at you, scanning your face like he’s searching for something in particular.

“You—you weren’t?”

It’s like he’s puzzling language together. If you weren’t made uncomfortable by his entanglement in you, then you must—

You reach for his hand, taking it in yours and pulling him close to you.

“Hobi,” you say softly, “I couldn’t feel uncomfortable because—”

Jin’s voice breaks through the cold.

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s waiting!” He struts through the open door, waddling awkwardly in socked feet and a well fitted tuxedo. Of course he brought a tuxedo to the mountains. “Fuck,” he hisses, as the cold seeps through the thin fabric of his socks. His walk is only paused by the punching bag that hangs in the outdoor gym, throwing a half-hearted jab, before continuing his waddle towards you. He grabs both of your hands and tugs you towards the warmth already spilling out of the open door. “Inside, inside. We’re starving and impatient.”

Hoseok huffs.

“In more ways than one,” Jin winks.

Hoseok pulls his arm out from yours and your phone tumbles from your hand, rolling a little farther back. When he goes to turn around, you stop him, tell him, “I got it, I’ll be right behind you.”

Still, he bends down, picks it up for you, and slips it into your hand with a little pat.

“I’ll see you soon,” he smiles knowingly, and the pair disappears inside.

You take a long, last moment gazing at a distant summit, painted peach and purple as the sun sinks below the horizon of the mountains. Each day that passes, they feel more and more familiar. Like learning a new friend.

You’re not entirely sure why you need the extra space, but it calls for you, in the way that your chest is a little too tight, in the way that your breathing comes a little too quickly.

What are you feeling?

You wander slowly up to the house, taking your sweet time as you circle around the question. You slip inside, toeing off your boots and dropping your jacket on a nearby chair. From down the hallway, the boys’ voices echo, a soft ruckus of chatter and chuckles.

From down the hallway, you peer inside the dining room where all seven of them are sitting, Hobi is still getting settled in his big winter jacket. You smile as your eyes gaze over each of their faces, considering each one of them and the prospect that Yoongi has set before all of you.

Everyone should fuck.

And then Jimin’s words: There is enough mutual desire in this house to power an entire country. Had he really meant it? As the group confidant, you were sure he would be the one to hear about anything first, but, well, looking at them, you wonder if they too, feel a semblance of what you feel when you look over each of them:

Namjoon, and his sharp, all-seeing eyes: you want them all over you. That you might glimpse something new about the world, maybe even about yourself, in that warm brown. You want Yoongi, exquisite composer of moments, you want him, want to relish in his space of creation once more. Taehyung, well, he is old love, shaped new. And Jin, and his deep reserve of joy and unexpected wisdom. Jungkook, delightful Jungkook, sparkles with a springtime of youth and adventure. Jimin, designer of control, his emotional depth and precision of action inspires you. And, of course Hobi. What is it about Hobi? You don’t know how to put him to words. You only know that when your eyes lock with his, your heart clicks into some place deep and unknowable within—but your chest tightens at the thought.

Hobi is the unknowable. What you do know is this: You want them. You want them in more ways than one. But thinking about that starts you down a path that definitely screams run. Even if that voice that turns its back at the first sign of complication is becoming quieter these days, it still hums in your head. And tonight the hum is building to a fever pitch.

They look so comfortable, like they belong there together. Like no matter how the cards fell as each of you were given your lot in life, these seven men were meant to be in the same room with one another at some point, that a spark would fly, in any universe, timeline, or life. As you stand in the hallway, the distance between you and them widens.

Jungkook sits with his feet propped up in Taehyung’s lap, Hobi chuckles with Yoongi about something. Namjoon, Jin, and Jimin look at something on a phone. As you look at them joking around, your chest warms. Warms like there’s a wood fire, stoked too quickly to flame.

All at once, something shatters in your chest. As you reach for your own desire, it feels like everything you have worked for falls apart.

You want this, yes. You undeniably and irrevocably want this.

But you want them closer than sex too.

You want to fall asleep on their chests, in their clothes. You want to wake up in the morning with them curled around you. You want to fall into them at any given moment, wrapping around their backs in the kitchen, tackling them on a hike—all the things that you know and love about your friendship with them. But if you could, you want to ask for it to linger. You want the lingering, the hands tangling, the holding on even when you should have let go long ago.

You tell yourself that all it is, all you want is intimacy. Intimacy, after all these months of solitude. But something in your chest sings, more, it’s more.

It’s not just the sex, but you’re tripping over the unspoken words, it’s something about wanting them all closer, closer, closer. Closer than sex. What is the word?

The word is run.

Run, run, run.

Your breath quickens in your chest, gasps rising from the simmering fear in your gut. All at once, the formerly towering ceilings seem even farther away, and the spacious walls are creeping closer to you.

A thousand words sing emptily on your tongue as you look at them.

Your body makes the decision for you.

Out of the hallway, the boys’ voices drowned out by the pounding in your head, the hallways blurring past. Someone calls your name, but all you know is the door. Get to the door. You hurry to the front of the house, where your keys are still hanging from the wrought iron key rack where you left them that first day, and you snatch them up, the metal biting into the soft flesh of your palms with how tight you hold them.

But when you push open the heavy wooden entryway, the door flinging open behind you, your car is nowhere to be seen.

You had parked it there, right beneath the steps, in the gravel driveway. You were sure of it.

But there’s no car. There’s not even a driveway. Instead of gravel, at the bottom of the steps lies a thick carpet of small plants, wild grass, and fallen leaves. And rising before you like an ancient being, a dense wall of trees. Evergreens and oaks and aspens tangled so closely together.

In your red dress, you are but a small creature against the dark beast of the forest. Earlier, you had felt like an offering to a distant god. And now you know you are.

It’s as if the whole world has been swallowed up. There’s nothing there. No road. No cars. No little village waiting at the bottom of the valley. It’s just wilderness. The whole world, returned to what it must have once been: Dense, impenetrable wilderness.

Something between a sob and a gasp racks through your body and the keys you were holding so tightly drop to the steps beneath your feet.

At once, you feel it all. This deep, deep consuming fear. You want to push it away, but something urges you: look a little closer and suddenly you know. This whole time, you’ve been afraid of being found. Of being looked at. Of being seen.

But beneath that lies something else: a fear that the people you hold most dearly to you do not want to find you.

As if in answer to the churning of your insides, before you stretches the great unknown.

Darkness is threaded between the trees, and as if it were a pool of water, you see yourself reflected back in it. Small, impossibly small, lost in the mountains, and standing with your back to an open door.

So far away from what you know, if you were even to try to get back home, away from this, away from this burning, horrible, lovely beast in your chest—what would be waiting for you? A vacant apartment? An empty city? A silent world? The practice of life, the normalcy, the companionship? To go back is to go further from it. See: all of it is gone. Decimated in the rubble of the past. What you know, what you knew, that disappeared months ago, when the world around you dissolved.

The path you were walking has long since crumbled beneath your feet. For months now, you’ve been bushwhacking through the forest. And now, finally, you see it, standing golden before you. The choice was never between the known and the unknown. It was never a choice at all. The only way forwards was always into the unknown, into the empty sky, nothing but grey clouds swimming beside you.

And them. And them, beside you, a voice within reminds you.

It’s time to let the beast within you lead the way.

Where? You’re not sure. In this instance you know with your whole body: what you’re looking for is not back. It’s forward, somewhere in your future.

Your knees give out beneath you and you sink to the cold steps, fingers tangled in your sweater, arms wrapping tightly around your torso.

The truth is, there is no escape. The open door of the house marks what you already know: You’ve already been seen. But the fear is that if you turn around, no one will be there waiting for you.

Someone calls your name softly from behind you.

“Everyone is waiting. Are—are you okay?” It’s Yoongi and you shudder and wrap your arms tighter around your body. Your friend steps down before you and gingerly, reaches down to lift your face to his. “Oh.” When he sees you he plops right down beside you, pulling your arms apart and wrapping himself around you too. “You’re doing that thing again, aren’t you?”

You nod.

“I thought you were going to get in your car and leave.”

“I tried.”

“Huh?”

“It’s gone,” you motion to the forest spreading before you.

Yoongi looks between you and the spot where you swear you parked your car. “Metaphorically? ‘S right there?”

You both stare at each other in confusion, and it’s then that you realize. Yoongi doesn’t see the forest. Not like what you see.

But he sees the confusion on your face, and pulls you into his arms, his body wrapped around yours, protecting you from the cold, from the confusion, from it all.

And there, he says the thing he should have said months ago, while you were still wrapped in his arms and in his bed as the snow drifted down outside the frosted window: “You have to stop running.” His face is hard, but earnest, and when you feel the truth rising to your lips you let it past, into the space between you:

“What if I don’t know how?” It’s barely a whisper.

He grabs your hands, his long fingers lacing securely around your sweaty palms, and he squeezes them tightly, and it’s like a ship anchoring into a long-forgotten harbor. It’s not romantic, not sexy, not one bit—but it’s what you need.

“That’s okay. This, this doesn’t have to be something you need to know how to do. It’s more something you stumble into, and you give whatever you want to give it, and you hold onto your kindness, and then hope for the best.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Does that sound so difficult?”

“No.”

“And is it something you want?”

You look up at him, the unfallen tears still warm against your lashes when you blink. And you nod.

“Then there’s only one thing you have to do.”

“What’s that?”

“Speak your desire.” He nods, encouraging you.

You elbow him and he grunts. “That’s fucking cheesy.”

“I don’t know, man, what else do you want me to say? Fuck your friends? You don’t need my permission.”

“Okay fine.”

“You understand the sentiment.”

“I do.”

“So I mean it, speak it.”

He looks at you so hard, you think he might be able to read the words off your tongue without speaking them.

“I… want you. I want them.”

Yoongi slowly extricates himself from you, stands, and brushes his hands off his against his jeans.  “Good. Then I’ll give you a moment and when you’re ready, come inside.”

You nod and watch him close the front door softly behind him with a gentle click.

Cupping the back of your head, you press your fingers into the skin at the nape of your neck, a nervous tic. The cold near-winter air slices through your lungs and you’re suddenly aware of just how pericing the chill is. That and—

At the edge of the forest, the sprawling forest that is still very much there, something white flutters in the grass, like a birdwing searching for flight.

A piece of paper.

You creep towards the looming woods, careful not to step beneath the shadow of the great being, and tug the paper from the grass. A postcard.

The mailbox is all the way up the steps, but the way the postcard is laying in the grass is almost like the house spit it out.

Your heart catches in your throat as you read the message scrawled hastily on the front.

I’ve made my decision. An opportunity like this doesn’t present itself often and I’m not going to let it pass, I’m not going to give up the chance to have you again. I can’t get you out of my head and I need you to know what I know.

All of a sudden it feels like your heart is going to eat straight through your chest, it gallops through you at a forbidden pace. Which of your boys wrote this? Which one—

You flip the card over. There, scribbled:

For my sunshine, from your Sora.

The trees feel like they’re looking at you. Like they lean closer. The house behind you, encouraging.

What you do next can only be described as marching. Hands clenched together, the postcard crumpled in your fist.

In the hallway, there’s a wastebin. You look at it for a long moment before deciding.

You toss the postcard away.

Something deep within you cracks open as the paper hits the bottom of the empty bin with the softest tap. You know you’re not supposed to be doing this. You know this is wrong. And yet you can’t bear any other reality.

Though reality seems rather shifty these days.

At the doorway, you take a deep breath. Something deep within you releases.

“Hi,” you say softly. It’s so quiet. And yet, seven pairs of dark eyes turn to look at you.

You squeeze your hand so tight that the nails pinch into your skin. Come on. But when your name slips from the lips of one of the men in the room with such softness, such care, that’s enough encouragement for you.

“I’m in.”

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[ninis-healthy-weightloss]

Happy Days | (food) diary 2018/05/24-27

Sweethearts, i‘m back from my holiday trip! I really planned to post some updates in between but i just didn‘t find the time.

~ This little town is so pretty, we had no idea! While booking the house, we only looked to find a suitable house with 4 bedrooms etc 😂~

It was so nice to see my old friends again tho! 😍 Here‘s a short recap for you. Regarding my eating i really kept an eye on my calory intake and logged my food which helped to not go crazy with all the yummy food we cooked!

On Thursday i was busy all day getting the rest of the work in the office done, packing my things for the weekend and cleaning the whole house - free work out guys! 😬

(I ate 1700 calories.)

~ healthy breakfast on the road ~

On Friday i started early to get onto the highway to the south but the journey was a desaster - if was stuck in several traffic jams for around 3 hours..for one hour the police even closed the road right in front of me, because there was a car crash and an emergency helicopter needed to land 😳 I was in a bit of a shock because there were injured people on the side of the road with ambulancemen, firemen around etc. Those poor people, i really do hope they are well now! 🙏🏻

~ Our home for 3 days..we somehow met in the middle because sadly we live far away from each other nowadays. One car arrived from Northern Germany, one car from Western Germany and one car from Austria in the South ~

When i arrived at the house we rented for the weekend and met with my friends everything was so vivid and bustling (2 toddlers came with my friends, too! 😄)

We unpacked, cooked some dinner together and spent the rest of the evening outside in the garden, just chatting and enjoying to be with each other 😍

(I ate 1650 calories that day)

Saturday was boiling hot so we set up a kiddie pool, had breakfast together and in the afternoon Christoph and i explored the small town while the mothers stayed home to rest a bit with the kids. The town was incredibly pretty!

~ I love this pic! Ain‘t we cute? 😋 We‘re friends since we were 3 years old..that is decades ago!!😂~

~ The writing says: Pottery at the tower~

~The village is located up a hill~

~I really loved the prayer flags here~

~ This is the amazing view when you walk through the castle gate. The castle was built to protect and guard a river crossing in the ancient times ~

And very old (some houses are from the year 1400!) The whole village is build around a castle and on one corner of the town wall they even have a tower.

~ In the evening we had a lovely barbecue. ~

(I ate 1440 calories.)

Sunday it was all about packing our things, cleaning up and driving home again. Luckily there was no traffic jam today and i arrived home earlier than i thought. So i decided to head to the lake to join bae who stayed there for the weekend.

(This is the only day that didn‘t go so well when it comes to food - for lunch i had a veggie burger at Burger King which had over 500 calories and didn‘t stop me feeling hungry 🙄 ..so i ended up eating 2160 calories today.)

[iraniq]

Personal

/Guys, as much as I want this to be true, it is completely a fiction, I guess here, the joke's on me, but feel free to enjoy!/

*

I know I don't quite post personal stuff, but I decided to brag a little bit, about my boyfriend. As I have mentioned, I am seeing someone for a while... But as before, in my previous relationships I always tell everything to everyone and then it all dies in a dramatic spectacular show, and this time I decided to wait!

It has been almost a year, since we are dating.

So I had 2 days off from work and decided to spend them at his place. /I actually do this frequently, his bed is huge and so cozy, the one at the place I live now, it is so uncomfortable I wake up with back pain most of the days/.

So... As I know you are a beauty lovers I wanna show you how I woke up this morning:

/although with this sight I doubt I am awake at all...or I am dead and this is heaven.../

He wakes up around 7 in the morning, do his routine, tea, yoga... Breakfast maybe... Don't actually know since I am sleeping. /just to mention, my ex was always walking me up, regardless if I needed the sleep or not, because... *brace yourselfs*... He was bored alone.../.

So he wakes me up, and told me the breakefast is ready and he was almost ready to leave... /i always feel sad when he leaves, I almost regret I am not whiny butch, so I can make him stay a little longer/

Oh forgot to tell you, I woke up this morning at 4, couldn't fall asleep, accidentally woke him, by moving in bed and he stayed awake with me till 6 and something, although he is at work, because... *take a tissue here* ... "You know I love every moment I can spend with you", obviously my answer "you are at work today, and it is gonna be crazy and you will be exhausted" was very funny and not reason enough for him to fall asleep again...

OK, back to me bragging! He put his favorite shirt on, but as I checked the time, as I always dress to light or too much lately, with the crazy winter time, it turned out it is snowing... Can you imagine? It's the freaking Spring... 22 of March! It was almost 20 degrees Celsius like... Yesterday, OK the other day, but still... Nevermind... Beauty had to change... I manage to take a pic for the two lovers of that kind beauty... /you know who you are :) /

He put the shirt upside down, so had to fix it. I manage to take the pic, although I heard him protest "Don't take pictures... Otherwise i will as well when you are changing!" ... "That's not gentleman like!" /here you agree with me Hahahahaha.../

That's from when he was leaving... 😂😂😂 I know he is dressed odd, but he is an artist... Painter, also a teacher in the town academy, of arts. One of the best to be honest. I mean, it is obvious. I bet you saw artists in your towns as well.. They are aways dressed crazy... So, that's something like poncho maybe... Dunno... More interesting it is how he managed to fit this much clothes on him, with the jacket... I can't stand 2 tight lairs on myself... He is indeed having nerves of steal, as he manages not to kill all of his students.

OK, at this point I am actually alone, at his place, I too have a key, since day one I was invited to stay. I will probably eat and watch TV...

OMG you guys... He is having the most huuuuge library... Like in a fucking caste... 😍😍😍😍

That's only one of the walls... I definitely now know what Belle stayed in the enchanted castle....

#booklover + #books = #intellectualporn 😂😂😂

Btw... My parents doesn't know about him, mostly because our age difference is two-digit number. And there will be shit like "he is too old" - "he only uses you for sex" - and my personal favorite: "he is some old pervert". Before you said something he isn't some kind of pervert! I am the pervert actually... Well my ex was only 3 years older, and the only thing he was interest was the sex, food and someone to take care after him, like he was a funking baby... Also he needed someone to blame, as he was Mr. Perfect! /ugh/. I don't have this problem now, as I was always interested in the stuff from 90s and 80s we are perfect match. We always have what do discuss, a common subject, or if we have non, we talk about stuff we love... Like he always listen to what I say, and remember what I am saying... I am a person to him... Not just a vagina and housekeeping...

He is perfect, everything is so fine... I am sometimes scared... Like it is a dream or something...

Well if you look for something that's not perfect, I will give you two:

- he is older, like a lot

- he is divorced. /his ex wife had a baby from her assistant, and lied it was his, because they were together since university, and he did anything she wants, like the bitch used him, because he is perfect...that's why we women have bad name/

So... For everyone who wonder if there are Good and Nice men out there, they are! They are either married to Good women, or are antisocial, because the society is shit today, and it is going down, quite fast!

OK I need you here... I was actually wondering... Should I tell my parents... His mother and his brother know me, know how way younger I am and are OK with it. Hell they treat me better than my own family... His mom is sweetheart /we always exchange sweet pet names with each other/, his brother is a year older than him, and I am already the "little sis" in the family /i cried when he first called me like this/. My problem is that he won't agree to lie about his age, because he is honest as fuck, he was educated to be honest, no matter what. And actually have some morals!... and I already suffer the "I told you so" and other shit like this from my mom, who loves to makes me feel bad... Although I feel amazing with him, and it won't actually matter, because it was the old me who cared about shit like this... But I don't wanna bother with whining... And he will feel sad about all this. Thinking it is his fault, the fight that will either occure when he is there, or will follow later... And I love him, so super much, and dunno... HALP!

So... What you say? Should I?