#early bc im busy during the week

[catament]

with heaven above you, there's hell over me

[fereldenshero]

feeling shitty. Again

[deathbxnny]

I’ve been busy.. but that doesnt stop me from daydreaming!

Can i request platonic Vi with a best friend that is like Wriothesley? I didnt realized how similar those two are until i saw Wriothesley’s birthday art. It’s just.. mind blowing. ALSO WRIOTHESLEY AND CLORINDE, VI AND CAITLYN. DO YOU SEE IT?! Personally, i dont ship Wrio and Clorinde but i can see why people even ship them in the first place. I see them as platonic besties who support their endeavor with their respective lover (Neuvilette and Navia respectively)

Context:

Reader and Vi met in prison and just clicked bc they just understood each other. When Caitlyn came to ask Vi for help, Vi also made Caitlyn to allow reader out with her as well. Whatever happens next is your choice to make but please also note how reader is from Piltover.

That’s all and have a good day/night!

(School is just.. really busy rn and i have my final exams next week. Im honestly scared, so i might not be active for a while here. But know that i do read your stuff to time to time to destress. Also i really like the post with my navia request, tysm ^_^)

- Flower Anon 🌸

Vi with a best friend Wriothesley-like!Gn!Reader.

Your words about the Wriothesley and Clorinde comparison have enlightened something in my mind lmao. Also, good luck with your exams, Flower Anon! I really, really hope that they go well and dw about not being active much! I appreciate your support either way and hope you'll enjoy this!<3

Content: Reader is from Piltover, past murders, crimes, platonic relationships, Vi and Reader being a menace duo, sfw

Reader has no mentioned pronouns.

((Not proofread))

You and Vi had your backs from day one after meeting in Stillwater. You were both teens then, having been imprisoned under terrible circumstances, and that made you stick together as a team. There was no one else to look out for you in that hell after all.

During your long, seemingly endless time in jail, you both got to know each other perfectly, with no details about your pasts spared. She came to know about your dark past and the murder of your abusive parents rather early on, yet never judged you for it. If anything, she may have been the only one to understand you.

This was surprising, considering your vastly different upbringings. Vi came from poverty down in the slums of Zaun, whilst you once tasted silver spoons and golden dishes on the daily. But it all faded in this hellscape of a prison, where you both endured torture and pain as equals.

You became an unlikely duo out of that, one that upheld a scary and menacing reputation amongst prisoners and wards alike. She was the more angry, violent one, whilst you were a bit of a joker, your words alone enough to send shivers down anyone's spines. It made you both feel more confident and hopeful, even if a way out was unlikely after many years spent in the prison.

Now, far into your adulthood, you decided to give up on that childish dream of freedom, accepting that your life in Stillwater is all you'll ever know. You were used to it by now and built a routine to follow and survive with. But things changed when that Enforcer girl showed up.

You didn't trust her at all, despite roughly remembering who she was. And unfortunately, she remembered you two, although for all the wrong reasons she would simply scoff at. However, since Vi decided to make a deal with Caitlyn, you decided to leave the past behind and simply accept this opportunity to finally escape this place.

And so, after what felt like endless years of fighting for your survival together, you were finally permitted to breathe, mostly, fresh air and live freely again... even with the grim mission at hand that often left you having to comfort Vi whenever things got too out of hand with her emotions. Hunting down Jinx was more traumatic than she'd let on anyways.

But alas, you eventually began enjoying your time out by trying new tea and pastries, running around your okd neighborhoods, and beating up people with Vi that wronged her in the past. It was all in good fun, even if Caitlyn had to hunt you both down every time.

You were the more calmer and gentler out of the three of you, however, as your rationality and ability to lead effortlessly often came in handy. You were somewhat of a balance between the two when things got really bad, despite your own reservations, and eventually ended up being an accidental wingman with how well you spoke of Vi to Cait. You knew firsthand how bad the prejudice against Zaunites could be and would be damned if she ever mistreated Vi because of it.

Ultimately, life turned out a lot more chaotic outside than it was outside of the prison... but with your best friend at your side, you suppose things would only get more interesting from here.

[scekrex]

HIII🫶🫶🫶🫶💍💍💍

I had an idea for a adam xm!reader and its like reader became in a way a sort of friends with the main cast of the demons (Charlie, Vaggie angel ect.) and adam finds out about it when he finds reader with fat nuggets in hel for funzies idk im not so great at English its absolutely not my first language nor the second so if its a complicated idea you can just scrap it dww!!

Furthermore i hope you have a great rest of you’re day 🫶🫶

Sup hun, I simply assumed you mean angel!reader bc it makes the most sense (and it's what I've written) hope ya like it xoxo/p

Forbidden fruits cause damage

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

You knew you weren't allowed to, you knew that if Sera or the other seraphims were to find out, they wouldn't let you come back, that you would only see Adam once a year during extermination day and it really messed with your head to be constantly reminded of how tight heaven's rules were.

And yet you came back over and over again.

At first it had been to visit Charlie's hotel, to make sure she wasn't violating any rules heaven had made - that had been an order from Sera. But when Charlie had greeted you so warmly as if she was one of your closest friends and Niffty had dubbed you 'totally hot not-badboy' you couldn't resist when it came to visiting these shitheads.

At first your visits had been rare, they had been a once every couple month kinda deal, you needed to be careful not to draw any attention to you after all. But soon every couple months turned into once a month, once a month became once every two weeks and every two weeks quickly switched to every week.

And while heaven seemed to either not notice or not care enough - maybe they thought you were doing business with Lucifer, who knew - Adam noticed. Of course your boyfriend would notice that every week you'd suddenly disappear for an entire day. You always made sure to leave early in the morning to be back for dinner. However, whenever you left during the early morning hours Adam woke up due to the lack of warmth that you took with you when you left. He was a cuddly guy, even if he would never admit it so of course he would notice his beloved boyfriend’s absence.

Today was yet another day to visit hell. So you went down to hell early, you had left Adam a note that stated something along the lines of 'visiting Ma & Pa, see ya tonight, big guy'. He however wasn't buying any of it. You had once lied to him by telling him you were hanging out with a friend of yours and when Adam had left the apartment for a walk he had seen said friend alone. The same thing happened a couple weeks later again.

He crumbled the little note in his hand and threw it onto the bed. He trusted you, he really did, but then there were his insecurities. His first and second wife had both decided to cheat on him and leave him. What prevented you from doing so too? He didn't know and the thoughts of you fucking another guy were eating him alive.

What if you disappeared once a week to enjoy time with someone who was more charming and loving than him? With someone who'd constantly tell you how much he loves you instead of jokingly insulting you? He couldn't stand his mind for fucking him up so badly, he wanted to crash his head against a wall until it would split open, but he didn't.

Instead he snapped his fingers to let a small orb appear in front of him. The scene the orb showed him was fogged up at first but the picture got clearer only seconds later. He felt disgusting for spying on you, wanted to scratch the skin off of his bones and claw out his eyes but it was the only thing that quieted down his mind at least a little bit.

The orb showed you a bright smile on your face as you held a little pig, petting the small animal lovingly. Next to you stood Angel Dust.

Angel Dust?

“Fat Nuggets really loves you, y’know, poor baby always gets sad when you have to leave,” the pornstar explained with an arm wrapped around your shoulder. Adam couldn't believe what he was seeing. You were in hell, even worse: you were in hell to hang out with the demon scum like it was the most normal thing to do for an angel as pure as you were. The brunette was so overwhelmed by his feelings that he didn't even recognize it when the orb disappeared again, the only thing that was on his mind was why you didn't tell him.

You were apparently regularly hanging out in hell and instead of telling him you always made up some sad excuses why you were gone for the day. Did you not feel comfortable sharing such a big secret? Adam's mind went crazy, the wildest trains of thoughts were running through his head and there was not a single thing the first man was able to do about it, the only thing that was possible in a situation such as his was to take it.

-

When you got home that evening Adam was walking up and down in the living room. “You okay, babes?” you casually asked, your voice didn't indicate that you had been lying to him for months, it didn't indicate that you had just gotten back to heaven after spending the entire day with some demon fuck-ups. “You wanna explain me where the fuck you were?” Adam asked instead of answering your question and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes gave away that he was pissed about something yet they were glued onto your body leaning against the door frame. “I wrote you a note, I was-” you were about to explain but the first man to ever be created didn't let you finish, “Fuck you and fuck your lies. You weren't visiting your parents bitch, you were in hell visiting the demon fuck-ups who think redemption is possible.”

You frowned at his words - yes that was true but how the fuck did Adam know about that? “What? So you were spying on me?” you questioned his behavior and stepped towards Adam. The brunette seemed to be close to crying yet his body was ready for a fist fight. “After I figured out you lied to me twice about hanging out with friends? Duh,” he made a hand movement that was supposed to symbolize something along the lines ‘obviously I did’.

You let out a deep sigh. He was right. And that was way too fucking hard to actually admit. But you swallowed your pride and gave in. You walked past him, your hand reached out for him but he flinched away from your touch which resulted in you sitting on the couch alone. He didn't move an inch from the spot he was standing on, the only thing he did was to turn around in order to look at you. “I’m sorry.” A look of surprise washed over the brunette's face and his body language visibly softened. He had expected many things but an apology without a fight hadn't been one of them. “What?” he dumbly asked as he blinked at you in confusion. His wings, which had been fluffed up to make him seem bigger than he already was, dropped until they were pressed against his sides again. His beautiful golden eyes which had been full of anger only moments ago had softened too, they reflected empathy.

You couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eyes as you continued to speak so you stared at the floor instead, “I’m sorry that I lied to you, that I visited hell without telling you, I know I should have but -” you shook your head as you paused for a moment. “No. No excuses. I was afraid of your reaction to it, I know you hate them, I know you hate their project but they're actually so sweet and caring and- and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about all of it. I should have shared this with you.”

Now it was Adam who sighed as he flopped down onto the couch next to you, he kept his distance though, “I don't fucking like that you're visiting them, what if one day you'll get locked out of heaven? The fuck am I supposed to do without you?” You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes. “I honestly don't fucking care who you're friends with and what they are. That's your fucking life, I won't control that shit, that's yours to decide. Just promise me to be fucking careful ‘n’ stop fucking lying to me about it.” You nodded silently, it was the only response that felt right in that moment.

“N remember, if I have to go to fucking hell just to fuck your juicy little ass, I fucking will. You're not safe from me, not even down there,” the grin in Adam's voice was audible and you peeked up a little only to see the taller man grinning down at you. That made you smile a little.

-

It was the next day that you called Charlie to inform her that you wouldn't be able to visit as regularly anymore. You weren't willing to risk everything, especially Adam. She being the supportive girl she was obviously understood. “Who are we talking to?” Adam asked sleepily as he entered the kitchen, the poor man had just woken up and followed your voice immediately. “Charlie,” you cheered at him, “You wanna say hi?” You held your phone in front of his face, his mimic was a mix between annoyance and sleepiness as he spoke, “Sup, bitch.” Then he went to make himself a coffee. “You want one too, babes?” he offered to you and you nodded before giving him a quick ‘thank you’ kiss. “Was that Adam?” Charlie asked in surprise over the phone. “Yeah, y’know how I told ya that we're dating?” Your words made pride bloom in Adam's chest, you had been talking to your new friends about him and you weren't hiding that he was your boyfriend even though Charlie and Adam weren't exactly on good terms. “Well yeah you mentioned that but I didn't think- nevermind. I hope you two have a wonderful morning, I assume we'll see each other in two months?” Lucifer's daughter seemed eager to get off the phone now that she knew that Adam was with you. You chuckled at that, “Yeah, sure, see ya then.”

Once the call ended Adam turned around with a sharp grin on his lips, “So, how's hell reacting to a pure babes like you dating me?”

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 10/29/2024

new boot goofin. also a great book for the cowboyblogger crew and TWO cat photos

listening

afterimage by JUSTICE and Rimon was on a spotify autogenerated dance playlist and it is So soothing to my brain. sometimes described as heavy metal disco, it itches the same brain scratch as daft punk's interstella 5555. comforting and familiar road trip music where the road trips are in spaceships with a sort of clunky engine thrumming away in the background. you know that extremely early ass o clock in the morning road trip feel where it's very pale and a little misty out and you're only sort of awake? i feel like this is a very different kind of road trip music animal than than late-night road trip music. it's pulling you out the door. it's for beginnings, not for very tired almost-ends.

-

reading

thank you mackie. very reading heavy week. im tryign to redirect myself into library books instead of election doomscrolling and im trying to read more physical books bc i have a tremendous pile of shit i genuinely do want to read and almost none of it is on my phone. first we'll talk about Navigational Entanglements by Aliette de Bodard, from randomly perusing the library stacks. really really really fucking loved this one.

Award-winning author of The Red Scholar’s Wake Aliette de Bodard comes for your heart with a compelling tale of love, duty, and found-family in an exciting new space opera that brings xianxia-style martial arts to the stars. Jockeying navigator clans guide spaceships through the Hollows: an area of space populated by the mysterious but deadly creatures known as Tanglers. When a Tangler escapes the Hollows for the first time in living memory, each clan must send a representative to help capture it—but the mission may be doomed and the hearts of two clan juniors may be in danger too.

first off: this isn't fucking found family. this is a group of coworkers. tor dot com loves to slap found family on anything gay.

politics is about control and inter-group dynamic politics are also about control. and grappling for control in your life when you grow up in a Young Leadership program. i really liked this, one of the least annoying examples of someone getting overstimulated and needing to lie down in a dark quiet room and how hanging out with some people does not impair rest and hanging out with some people is extremely extremely draining. the love interest is what if lee van cleef was a young vietnamese woman in the far future who can navigate faster than light travel.

very snappy little 160-pg novella that does not overstay its welcome. packs a genuinely surprising amount of worldbuilding and character work into its pages: i have a lot of trouble with ensemble casts post-Covid and keeping everyone straight (especially in hard copy form where I can’t easily search a book) but everyone is a fully formed person here and i had no trouble keeping everyone straight in my head. i will be asking my siblings to acquire a physical copy for me for christmas. i love a fucked up political mystery with spacewalks and space monsters.

the lead, nhi, reminded me a lot of friends at the table's brnine, a self-sacrificing perfectionist fish. hope that's useful information to all three of you i have bullied into listening to fatt

The Shabti by Megaera C. Lorenz. this finally came off my holds, hat tip to i think someone else's tuesdaypost? cannot immediately locate it. holler if it was you.

Can you flimflam a ghost? It’s 1934. Former medium Dashiel Quicke travels the country debunking spiritualism and false mediums while struggling to stay ahead of his ex-business partner and lover who wants him back at any cost. During a demonstration at a college campus, Dashiel meets Hermann Goschalk, an Egyptologist who’s convinced that he has a genuine haunted artifact on his hands. Certain there is a rational explanation for whatever is going on with Hermann’s relics, Dashiel would rather skip town, but soon finds himself falling for Hermann. He agrees to take a look after all and learns that something is haunting Hermann’s office indeed. Faced with a real ghost Dashiel is terrified, but when the haunting takes a dangerous turn, he must use the tools of the shady trade he left behind to communicate with this otherworldly spirit before his past closes in.

this keeps getting reviewed as cozy horror, which i do not agree with bc i hate the term and believe it oxymoronic. it is a fairly straightforward romance with paranormal shit happening in the foreground. a period piece not particularly for the folx end of the fag/folx gay book spectrum-- they happen to be gay but there's a lot of other shit happening. not a spicy romance as the tiktok girlies say. it is a period book that sort of elides over the worst parts of the 30s? eg there is no on-page or overt racism or antisemitism that the characters have to Confront. one of the lead's neighbors is a black nurse trying to start a NAACP chapter, but she's so fully fleshed out and such an enjoyable character it doesn't feel like the book is looking for moral points from modern readers. i also liked the general slow-build of the book and their relationship — i have no complaints about the intensity or pace of their relationship.

the one ding i have is that it is perhaps a touch too enthusiastic about period slang. it's fine when the two leads are talking to each other, especially bc their word choice is a large way they show their personality, but when there are more than two people in a scene it can grate a little for me. i do think the dialogue is generally the strong suit here, and the author particularly excels at two-person back and forths, so it’s not a frequent complaint.

i liked the contrast of the scam medium with the academic egyptologist, since many egyptologists were also scams. the scenes with the spirit are genuinely eerie, which is a very good contrast with the fairly straightforward, often sparse narration.

grudging respect for keeping a joke simmering on the back burner for four hundred pages before deploying it. this was a well-paced read i have no major complaints about.

i have to spin this book around in my brain and get a physical copy and flip back and forth and lot and make notes to myself in a separate notebook before i talk about this one here i think. same brain itch as a canticle for leibowitz.

i also read a bunch of comics but this section is already long enough goodbye

-

watching

the first episode of the currently airing penguin tv show! at my bestie's house bc she has an hbo max subscription from something, unfortunately it is an emotionally fraught very tense show and we're kind of full up on those so i will have to finish this on my own. at no point did i say to myself "whoa that's colin farrell". both the prosthetic and accent work are off the charts.

i do Not like a piece of media about the mob. i will stomach it for batman. it's really wild how the accents they've chosen for gotham and her suburbs make me so so so weirdly homesick. one of the locations is an early McMansion and my bestie and i said almost simultaneously "are we in fucking Cherry Hill???" a jersey noveau riche town infested with notable McMansions.

i am constantly chasing the high of s1 black sails where everyone is frantically scheming and falling all over them fucking selves. this gets pretty close! it's big budget prestige tv with the storytelling chops to match so far. one of my favorite comic runs is The Long Halloween, partially about the fortunes of the Maroni and Falcone crime families of Gotham. this is loosely following that, but deviates enough to surprise me, which i enjoy. there have been enough faithful adaptations of that comic run imo.

optimistic about the rest of the season! i have such low expectations for batman media that it's refreshing to get like a genuinely good pilot episode out of the franchise.

-

playing

i have Got to find a new game to play that i already own. genshin is such a good podcast game but i need Something New. surely the 576047357649857689 games across five libraries will save me.

-

making

so many things happened this week. cat neuter and constipation episode. helped take apart and put back together a children's' room. lot of running around.

crunchy! i almost left these docs at goodwill bc i don't have a super high opinion of the company or the quality of the boots. i have heard my ENTIRE life about how long-lasting they are and how people have had the same boots for years but i completely shredded a pair during eight months in 2019. like the soles were worn almost completely smooth to the point they were a slipping hazard, half the eyelets were broken, and the leather was genuinely disintegrating. that was one of the busiest and most active periods of my life (classes at other campuses both semesters, a summer in new hampshire, the beginning of the makerspace) but i did expect them to hold up a little better or a little longer. they only got to experience about a month and a half of salt at the beginning and were regularly cleaned. yes i did buy them straight from the company.

anyway. these extremely ugly docs industrials had almost all their tread and magically fit me. like the rest of me, my feet are large and wide and difficult to fit. they are by Far the ugliest shoes i have ever owned. however. they will be the boots i will wear for when i need to be okay about potentially destroying my footwear.

hit em with some saddle soap and polished the toes, i seem to be flat out of leather conditioner so i was only able to hit the heels and one tongue. the laces are in the warsh.

they're real leather and were twelve dollars and miraculously fit me. you know that quote about americans being temporarily embarrassed millionaires? i still, in many ways, think of myself as a temporarily embarrassed abled person. i am slowly giving up on the idea of another remote job, bc they seem to all be fake, and going harder on city and county jobs. while i would rather wear my beloved CAT steel toes with the nice padded cuffs any day of the week, maybe these will be good for tromping around somewhere inspecting something. would Love a weights and measures inspection job if their office would return my polite messages.

also ruby goes home tonight! goodbye ruby!

[1eos]

so you also saw that tradwife who wanted a trip to greece but her husband got her an egg apron instead 🙃 or was it just a general post

i also saw that 🥴 what got me was i first saw ppl talk for almost a week abt just the fact that she wanted a trip and got an apron instead. im thinking the guy is just regular smegular stingy and when i finally got all the details all i could do was put my head in my hands. rich traditional man bypassing all the women in the world who grew up in the country and had farm experience and havent had career goals beyond being a sahm to charm a girl who believed the lie that she could be traditional, while maintaining her own dreams and broke her down to be nothing but a impregnable maid :/

and, as always, im not knocking people who want kids or anything. bc theres a big difference between being a celebrated individual that happens to be a wife and mother and the specific kind of dehumanization traditional families reduce wives/mothers to. and ofc u have the ppl being like 'she's happy! get out of her business! you're reaching why do you think something is wrong with this life?' in the article that sparked all this she admits that her husband was behind her not getting any pain relief during birth 🙁and he won't LET HER hire help 🙁 despite 8 kids 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁 and just lets her work herself to an early grave 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁

but what made me mad is that despite the rise in trad wife propaganda we're also getting A LOT of testimony from the women living in the reality of the fantasy and its so clear that no matter how much money these men have these women are living lives that compare more to fucking indentured servants in the 18th century and yet!!!! some women will look at the reality and be like 'damn 😔see the lesson is to get with a rich and generous man' ARE YOU DAFT??????

[sophaeros]

Just need more fab/nick fics like for some reason I ship them so hard like that one interview where it describes them as a comedy duo or something

BRO FOR REAL. fabnick is a happier place than casamond honestly theyre so besties forever. in rock & folk 2011 iirc nick says he and fab hung out almost every day in the years between fioe and angles 💔💔💔💔💔 not to mention nick taking so many photos of fab during early tours that people called him nick's muse IM SICK im sure theres a compilation of pics nick has taken of fab somewhere in my fabnick tag. if not i might make one sometime this week

my friends and i actually do have some fabnick aus..current favourite is the good ol college au with fine arts major fab (i just realised he went straight for a sculpture specialty irl but i think it might suit his character arc more to not specialise in anything yet? tbc) and photography major nick modelling for each other's projects 😋 fab didnt even have a project due he just panicked and lied so he could hang out with nick more

in this au they only meet in college. nikolai decided to go to this one specific college known for its arts programs for english literature, julian followed him to stay close to him and went for political science (stroke of genius on my part if u ask me it's so funny. hes the only non-arts student in their group and extremely annoying in seminars), and nick followed julian. fab and nikolai are roommates and nikolai introduces him to the other two whereupon fab gets a crush Immediately. meanwhile in the background of fab and nick's meet cute albert and julian are roommates again and having their domestic drama love story. oh and nick's roommate is ryan BSJFJSN i think hes a business major lmfao

this became less about fabnick than i intended oops. hope my mutuals dont mind me sharing this au we were talking about i really wanna draw or write something for it bc it's sooo cuteeee. learning how to value yourself for who you are and that youre deserving of unconditional love via seeing yourself lovingly rendered by someone who loves you. the slope of your nose in clay or the unconscious turn of your body in a candid photograph. that one james baldwin misquote the role of the lover is exactly the same as the artist. if i love you i must make you aware of the parts you do not see.

[sugar-omi]

angst time :,) n a little comfort at the end bc I'm a sucker

i started thinking abt mc leaving rockstar cove after they get hurt bc of that crazy 'fan' (to the anon who brought it up, YOUBE BROKEN ME<////3)

even though you want nothing to do w him anymore, he'd pay for everything. even if you move out he'll pay for whatever you want and need until you're ready to go back to work

doesnt matter how much money you have, he'd feel so bad and this is the least he can do to relieve his guilt and your troubles.

I think him leaving music is very spontaneous yk that

he took a bit of a break before he tried doing shows again but it just wasn't the same. not like before he met you and definitely didn't feel the same as when you were dating.

so before the last song, he mumbles, only audible because of the mic, that this is rhe last show he's ever doing.

the crowd gasps and murmurs collectively, his crew and manager are freaking out backstage n baxter is prbly cussing him out thru the earpiece bc wtf is he doing? we never talked abt this???

and the last song cove plays is some sad song he wrote :,,)

he's crying in the middle of it, slow tears running down his face and by the end he covers his face, hands shaking and he exhales shakily.

he's in such ruins after everything that happened, and he thought he could move on, but he can't. it's too different. everything is too real now to ignore or play off. it's not simple anymore. it's real and it got dangerous and it's scary and hes.. he's tired.

he'll thank all his wonderful fans for supporting him, for all the love, especially after that stalker.

but through tears he gives a big fuck you to everyone who harassed him and especially you.

the internet totally breaks. the news is bumping for weeks especially with every new piece that comes out

"rockstar suddenly quits"

"hardass rockstar, cove holden, crying on stage during last show"

I'm torn between cove deactivating his socials and him just leaving everything as it is.

doesn't touch it unless you ask him to change his bio n pfp and everything.... that crushes him. he cries and cries n it takes so long to delete every post/photo of you/both of you. (he downloads every one, even if he knows he has the photo still.)

the internet breaks again, n if his fans know your socials n you took cove outta your bio/deleted your photos, etc. it just confirms the rumors that you're broken up.

which leads to a few a lot articles n posts n threads abt why you broke up, or fans in ruins bc they liked you together n hoped it wasn't true.

if it gets bad or annoying or whatever, and especially if you ask before he can act altho it wouldn't take long before he makes a statement or post on whatever remaining social he has to "Stay outta our business. leave y/n alone."

and maybe the pap, creepy as always, see you and cove moving things out the house into your car or uhaul depending on how much you run away with (you can take all his left shoes n he wouldn't complain)

n now the photos n articles are circulating like wild fire and cove tries to be civil telling everyone to stfu n get out your business, but somehow he ends up making a dark, pixelated video of him in what looks like the kitchen? cussing out the pap n telling everyone to just stop n fuck off, that you're blowing it up too much n to just stop

it blows over eventually, resurfacing here and there over the years

ik rockstar cove is dramatic n wild n blah blah blah, he's crazy ik stfu I think he's great n hes like the next beyonce in my head i think but yes he is a drama queen and he's still a big crybaby

definitely ends up back w his dad, helping w his shop early on (definitely got caught behind the register once bc some fan made a tiktok captioned "cove fucking holden just rang up my surfboard and stuff im going to FAINT" and now the shop is more busy than usual)

when you run into each other again and catch up, he definitely cries and can't stop feeling bad for not protecting you better. for not doing more even though he did the most whole youbwere together to keep you safe from crazy and delusional fans

please tell him it's not his fault, bc he really did do everything before and after the attack and you'll never regret being w him. he'd blame himself so much and would cry with relief to know you don't hate him

[millenniumdueled]

hey I know there's already so many posts going around d asking for help so I feel really disgusting doing this again, I feel like I don't deserve it when other people are suffering too but im

drowning

I had to call in to work Wednesday and call our emoloyee help line because I was feeling so suicidal over financial stress and now I'm once again unable to stop crying. I just got the paycheck that I was leeching off of during my time off and

I can't afford to pay my rent. I'm $200 short even after taking my savings down to the minimum of $300 I have to maintain to not get charged a fee. I have less than $2 in my emergency checking.

I don't really expect anyone to help. it's my own fault for using time off work as an excuse to go to the bar one night and to eat out twice and I knew damn well I had no business doing either of them I just got caught up wanting to go out since my mental health has been really, really bad and I've been really, painfully unhappy every single day. I hadn't gone out since emo night in February and I don't know how to make irl friends without going places that cost money. I'm so lonely and depressed I just really wanted a chance to make a friend and get to spend time with someone in person again. and I did, I had a great night and played pool and made a friend and we're planning to meet up again but

it feels so much like it wasn't worth it and I knew I didn't deserve to go out and have that fun and I did it anyway

I'm rambling but owning my own mistakes and actions is important to me. I want to be honest that I didn't get fucked over with bills, I did something stupid and selfish and ungrateful and spent almost $100 during a week off work just for funsies. it's why I hate hate hate HATE myself for having to ask for help. I should have to suffer the consequences of my actions so I don't do it again

I have a hair appointment this month I'm already going to have to cancel because I can't afford it. and that's fine, even though it means risking being blacklisted by the only hair salon I've ever not been disappointed or traumatized by

but with student loan repayment starting up again very soon, I can't. empty my savings. I can't lose my entire next paycheck transferring it early to pay my rent.

I can't take any commissions. I have one big one I've been putting off since January bc I'm scared of starting it and it never being good enough. I've been working on another "simple" commission for a month. I don't want to make promises that I can't keep. maybe in the future I can take some more, but I'm not even entertaining the option until I finish what I started.

my pay pal is @MRheuble and venmo is @jupitertrash, or I have tips set up on my personal blog

[toastthewolfie]

tw: suicide ideation and attempt (not drawn and is given up on but it’s there.), take care of urselves and dont read if it’ll trigger you <3

It’s under the cut but it’s about Selena after the Alone mission MW2 bc im still on my shit (like usual)

It takes about 3 months for her to break fully. For the first week or so, it was just pure shock that kept her running and non-processing. Nightmares weren’t all that common because she was so stressed out and mentally worn down that her brain just went: no. We aren’t doing this.

its when she starts think she’s getting better it starts. The voice, initially small now all consuming, that hisses every single one of the thoughts her brain had suppressed for the past week or so. The voice was easy enough to brush off, it was easy enough to brush off the offered therapy and throw away the business cards of therapists. It was easy because it wasn’t bad. It was just something she always dealt with just amplified.

Then it got worse and worse and became harder to hide. It became impossible to just brush off that persistent little voice. It was damn near impossible to not at least slightly agree with what it was saying (at the end of the day, she WAS coward that ran away the second she saw her colleagues dead, and while logically, she knows that the choice she made in the moment was what kept her alive, maybe it would have been easier had she just died there. She should have gone back to try and help and not just run the second her brain realized what was going on).

Suddenly, it went from small zone outs when nothing was going on, to zoning out during missions when she’s supposed to be keeping overwatch (it hasn’t gotten anyone hurt or killed yet, thankfully).

it went from exhausted hours of dreamless sleep to nightmarish images that startled her awake every few hours in a cold swear until she gave up and just started her day early, regardless of how tired she is.

It makes her easier to beat during training, when she’s practically dead on her feet and trying to hide it. Saying that she thinks that night is hitting her a little bit so she’s tired and will be back to normal in a few weeks. It gets her a nod of sympathy and then she snaps back into how she was before. (Those weeks show her how to hide whats going on.)

Her lackluster performance just perpetuates the voice’s influence. While comments about her being weak used to be easily ignored, when she can’t help but genuinely lose to a newbie, it’s true. It throws her further and further into this silent spiral of anguish. It’s not hard to see, just focusing on her a bit more than usual would give any indication that something is wrong, but one could suppose it was a delayed reaction of that night.

The further it goes, the more anguish morphs into being passively suicidal, such as moving away last second from a grenade, or barely even blinking when her right hand gets stabbed yet again.

And then passive suicidalness turns into being actively suicidal. It goes from quietly hanging in the corner to laughing and joking. It would be easy enough to assume that she was coming out of whatever had been affecting her for the past few months, had it not been for her just randomly giving away things. It was small, easily passed off. Just small trinkets she claimed ‘belonged with someone who had more time to appreciate them’ or pins she collected that she thought someone would like. The only really odd thing was Selena transferring legal ownership of Skye to her brother. (Selena fucking loves that dog, so with her transferring ownership? Pretty fucking iffy. But she reasoned that Jack had just retired from the corps and she was still active duty, it made more sense for Jack to hold onto her just in case she died in the line of duty.)

And then of course, it all came to a head when 3 months later. She was on a leave for… unspecified reasons. Here she was, alone in her apartment with nothing but her and the pistol she kept for self defense. There was no laughter outside the door that kept her holding on. There was no Skye anxiously brushing against her human’s legs. There was nothing but silence.

Really, it would be so easy to just pull the trigger and blow her brains out and around the apartment. It’s easy to consider, especially with it pressed against her temple she she stares blankly at the table in front of her.

but, they would have to find someone else to fill her role (as, she did have objective use. An overwatch sniper.). And she didn’t have all her affairs in order. And skye wouldn’t know what happened, plus she did NOT need to traumatize any of the other shadows or her family anymore. I mean, wouldn’t it be sad? The youngest daughter of the family, dying on the day her father died? Wouldn’t that just be pathetic and bring more pain to the day?

It was those thoughts that left the gun in the safe and the bullets in the other one, and a very tired Selena stumbling off to bed.

[wttcsms]

sorry if you're not comfortable answering this, but I saw you say that you've been diagnosed with depression. how did you know when to seek help?

tl;dr: from a young age, i never lived a healthy lifestyle with an easy pace. i (and maybe even my family) put too much pressure on me, and i never really coped with it in a healthy manner. my attempt at handling things "with ease" and "not stressing" was actually just me bottling up my emotions, and it's not until things started getting really bad that i finally sought help.

nothing uncomfy abt it at all! discussion of mental health is pretty important! tbh, i never thought i would have depression or be diagnosed with it; i started showing symptoms for around a year before i started really thinking to myself, hey, i think there might be something up with me mentally and this isn't just some silly, quirky thing i'm going through. ever since i was around 18, i went through great lengths to ensure i would achieve maximum academic success but while being a full-time college student and consistently working 60+ hours a week (70+ during the summer bc my junior year internship was so intense; i also went to college 2 years early, so i think that's when the internal pressure to "do well in life" began) was taking a massive toll on me mentally and physically. i would survive off of 4-5 hours of sleep, consume concerning amounts of caffeine, i was losing hair, i was losing drastic amounts of weight, i was breaking out and breaking down, and even when i got better, i still wasn't fully ever healed from that experience purely bc my schedule just never slowed down.

i am still a full-time student, i am still working 7 days a week, leading to 60+ hours (40 hours internship, 20 hours at my weekend part-time job). on top of that, i am in the second to last semester of my grad school, i help out around the house bc after my older sister moved out, i took over the eldest daughter duties, i am still holding myself to a very high standard academically (already planning to apply to phd programs, studying for the cpa exam, already have another summer internship lined up). i knew things were getting bad because 1) i am finally older (im abt to turn 21! yay!) and i realized that the lifestyle i'm living isn't healthy and 2) a lot of my behaviors didn't feel "normal" to me anymore. it finally hit me around two months ago, when i realized that i sort of lost my love for fanfiction. i've been in a weird mood where i didn't want to read any fanfic whatsoever, but i chalked it up to being "too busy" and focused on other things. when i couldn't even find the energy to read my own mutual's fanfic, i knew something was up bc i always try to power through and remain enthusiastic on my friends' behalf. more behaviors that were a cause for concern:

my disinterest in everything that brought me joy previously. sweet treats at the end of the day, coffee before work, buying makeup from sephora, cleaning my room (sounds silly, but i love having a clean living space and cleaning my room used to be a source of peace and joy for me), writing fanfiction, reading books, watching youtube videos, catching up on shows that would release weekly and that i used to count down the days to watch — none of it held my interest. i wasn't excited, i didn't care.

it wasn't just a lack of joy from things i loved, either. rejections from programs i looked forward to/rejections from opportunities, abysmal grades in class, looming deadlines that i most likely wouldn't make, growing assignments on my work to-do list; none of this elicited a reaction from me. there was no stress (that i was feeling; subconsciously, i think the stress was still there and i just refused to acknowledge it), but there also wasn't disappointment or sadness. i had no emotional response to anything, and that was very concerning to me, and the main reason i contacted my sister and then her boyfriend (who is a licensed psychiatrist)

i could sleep for 12+ hours a day. there are many days in the week where all i want to do is rot in bed. not even in a "go on my phone and dick around in bed" type of way, either. i would have certain days where i couldn't leave the bed. sometimes, i wouldn't even feel tired, but i would just sleep. my internship is wfh and if it was a slow day with no assignments, i would clock in and spend that whole day in my bed, sleeping. it got to the point where i wish work was busy so i would have something to force me out of bed. yes, i would be aware of my tiredness sometimes, but this felt different altogether. i just wanted to basically hibernate lol.

i had constant headaches. i thought it was because of the nature of my job, where i look at computer screens all day, or maybe it was bc i wasn't drinking enough water. i would also get unexplainable cramps sometimes.

tmi, but little to no pleasure and an extreme decline in interest in sex

i had extreme issues with focusing on work and studying; a lot of my work (and school materials) centers around thinking through problems and applying tax law or guidance to certain situations.

my diet fluctuated; some days, i wouldn't want to eat, yesterday, i gorged myself on food, eating to the point where even i had to pause and go wtf.

not very often was i randomly sad, nor did i ever want to kill myself or self-harm; when i was a teenager (17/18) and probably showing signs of depression, i was very irritable, angry, sad, and had suicidal thoughts, thought i was worthless, an idiot, etc. however, i mostly just feel empty and apathetic during my episodes now.

what helped me seek help was knowing that my behaviors and how i was feeling didn't feel healthy, but also, my best friend recently shared her diagnosis with me and i would have never thought she would be depressed. my sister's bf was also a major help in getting me comfortable to consider the possibility of having a mental illness and also in finding someone to talk to. hope this helps!

edit: forgot to mention it, but i exhibited many/all of those symptoms for around the past 3 months before ever seeking help. those behaviors started manifesting tremendously and seriously disrupting my daily life, and i knew i needed to do something to get my life back on track.

[imagineagreatadventure]

the older i get and more in the corporate world i get (girl boss jk kill me) the more im convinced that most things should just shut down between mid december and early january. like nothing gets done. even when things do get done, are they getting done well? unlikely because half of the office is gone with scheduled pto. just shut down your offices and let people snooze and rest for next year.

and people who are not in corporate world - people working retail/restaurants and healthcare and etc. should get 1) actual paid time off, i worked retail before, y'all are champions and deserve a break and consistent scheduling 2) more paid time off bc not only are you guys literally unable to ever work remote due to the nature of the jobs but you have to work during the times everyone else relaxes and you have to work just as intensely if not more so than normal.

also if not this can we at least make a 32 hour and/or 4 day work week the norm (with no reduction in salary/pay) across businesses thankssssss

[yooniesim]

SO lilsims*e went on a rant about defending early access creators during one of her last lives (4/24 - around 2 hours and 24 minutes) and let me tell you, it was quite something to watch someone completely misrepresent an argument like that.

I didn’t expect much of her, since she's friends with "charging 3 dollars for nipple overlays" littled*ca, but it was so low of her to claim that the people who are against editing a mesh for five minutes and putting it behind a paywall for WEEKS can't make CC of their own, specially since a lot of the people against EA are creators of amazing content here on simblr.

ps: it's also funny to watch perma paywallers get blamed for being the worst (they are), but it's not exclusively perma paywallers that doxx people 🫣🫣🫣

I've never watched her in my life and im not gonna start now lol. idc, she can have her opinion or w/e, she's entitled to that. but I know she upset several ppl with how she spoke to them during this stream (you're not the first person to tell me this) so hopefully she doesn't talk to any of her other followers like that in the future.

anyways, unconnected to her bc idk her, just going off some of the other things you said- it also confuses me when ppl say those critical of early access don't know how to make cc. We do know how to make cc, that's the problem. If we didn't, we wouldn't know about LODs or poly or hat chops or the amount of effort it takes to make an item. The ppl that don't know how to make cc are generally ok with it and I've had a few ppl tell me they became disillusioned with early access once they learned how to make cc. Or people that couldn't afford dlc and then when they finally got it one way or another, realizing that the cc they had was just slightly changed from items they get from ea's packs. I've heard both sentiments a lot.

also, yes, perma-paywallers have now become the boogeymen/scapegoat that creators can point to to make themselves look better whilst at the same time not doing anything to actually help. many early access creators only mentioned the doxxing ring to assure people that they would never do that and they are safe. that was the theme of most of their posts and there hasn't been a peep about it since. And I've never seen any big early access creators talk about their fellows (early access) that have also doxxed people or held any scummy business practices for that matter. Such as manipulating patreon's billing system for their own benefit to charge people twice. They never speak about any of the problems of the system and just go "permas are the real problem" without ever suggesting anything to be done about the permas or even just making their followers more aware of what the problem is or how to stay safe.

I don't really expect this to change. Right now, the sims 4 community is dominated by and built on a system of monetization. This includes not only paywallers of cc but simstubers that are fueled by ad revenue, sponsorships, and stream donations. They are all connected, to each other and to EA. And at the end of the day, it all comes back to money. So it will not change or be dismantled until the Sims 4 dies and they move on to the next thing that makes more money. I haven't found any solution for this other than just not paying them a cent, blocking them preferably, and keeping your own circle of people/followers aware of who isn't safe while just hoping for the best.

[amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix]

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Warnings: Uhhh. Non-graphical smut and slight angst, but that's pretty much it for now since I'm still crafting the next part, and some curse words lmao.

I won't control you, but MDNI. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader

Plot: Seven dates that has a significant mark in your life, one of which massively tilted and fucked up your world for good.

Seven men you didn't want to have more significance in your life than they already have for each of those dates you desperately want to forget.

Genre: mutual pining (ik, ik, i'm sorry), light angst, denial of feelings, eventual poly ot7

placeholder: avoust xxix - óutobre xxxi - nouvèmbre xv - desèmbre xxvi - febrié xxiii - mai xiii - juliet xxii

this is not my first dabble at the bts fandom but this was my first bangtan fic i posted in ao3 2 years ago bc i was a baby army (and my first bangtan creation [not the mixtape series] one is still unfinished and unposted wkwkwkw) so pls be kind to me uwu n i don't really have army moots so if you wanna, come say hi to me on twitter @shimaeara (i don't use it for now because i have no moots there yet) this fic is fucking self-serve and was written without sleep and came to me after reading a fucking drarry slowburn and binge listening to Moonchild and continued after weeks(months) of procrastination and am not good at smut so i might not be able to write it graphically for now idk sorry (edit, 2023: I can write smut now lmao but im still not good at it so i'll try!!!!) artists mentioned are not mine and own themselves. only my original character is self-made, and portrayal and descriptions are in no way real and did not happen in life. everything is entirely fictional not beta'd so i take full responsibility for each and every mistake, my existence included.

i'm reposting this right now because of the date in my country (and a happy birthday to my irl bestfriend, allain. hope you're happy wherever you are, fucker

aight imma head out

💜 You're not aware of the date today.

You wake up unusually early. It's ironic—everything today seems to be, and it's only six in the morning. That in itself should've clued you in because never in a million years would you wake up at five fucking thirty ahead of your alarm, and a weekend at that.

No one dare wake you up voluntarily before seven safest, not after that incident with an overly-hyper Joji that resulted in him sporting a black eye and split lip for a week. No hard feelings were had; you've been bestfriends with him during the past few years since he became your client at the villa. It was resolved with a quick fuck before you even got out of bed. Everybody pretended that the scratches on his back were—ahem—inflicted during the fight.

Pft. Sure.

He has since left residence, but he still flounces around whenever his schedule allows, the motherfucker. You should remind him to bring his own food next time because he cleansweeps the fridge every time.

Your mood has been off since you opened your eyes. You lie there for a few minutes before you realize that it's still kind of dark outside, and a quick check of your phone informs you of the time.

5:36 am

Huh. That's fucking early.

You rub at your chest softly, wondering where the hollow sinking feeling is coming from and what roused you from your sleep. Granted that yes, you're not the most mentally healthy person, but the feeling is different from usual. Almost worse.

You try to go back to sleep but right as you were about to drift off, your bladder decides to kick in. Groaning, you roll out of bed and pad sleepily to your bathroom to do your business with closed eyes, trying not to let go of your sleepiness. Of course, that proves futile. You aren't able to fall right back to sleep after that. Normally, you'd have no problem jumping right back to snoozing, but again, irony.

When trying prove to be useless, you decide to get up. On the way down, you forget to take your phone with you, and you ain't going back to sixth ass floor when you're already on the second. You continue onward and bump into Shads. "Morning, Matt."

He looks at you in trepidation, and you laugh lightly at his expression. Nobody dare forget that you're not a morning person. "Hey, Y/N."

"Relax, I'm not gonna punch you." He laughs at that and visibly relaxes.

"You're up early," he comments.

"Yeah. I don't even know why, and I can't go back to sleep now anyways so..."

He nods. "Well, I'm just turning in. Need to catch some sleep before we fly later."

"Fun night?" You ask.

He snorts at that with a laugh as he turns away to walk to his room. "Wish. Had to be at the studio to fix some things."

"Aw, you poor baby."

"Fuck off."

You both laugh and walk away; him towards his room, and you towards the kitchen. "Sleep well. I'll make sure the car will be here later for you guys."

"Thanks, babe."

You feel it again while you are making myself a cup of hot chocolate at the communal kitchen. You have a love-hate relationship with coffee, so you don't drink it that much. You thump your chest lightly with a slight grimace, the feeling almost crushing now. Your heart is racing and you don't know why, hands shaking as you grip the counter and try to breathe through your mouth.

"Y/N?"

You look up to see Jin in his pajamas, blinking at you owlishly. "Hey, Jin." Your grimace morphs into an awkward smile and you put your arms to your side in fear that he might've seen it—he did.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you say, ignoring the heavy pounding feeling in your chest. He doesn't look convinced. "You're up early."

He shakes his head. "This is my usual waking time. You're early."

Well, you don't have a rebut for that.

"Are you sure you're okay, Y/N?" he asks again when you stay silent.

"Yeah." You will yourself to calm down, even though it's obviously unsuccessful. "I think I'm just having a heartburn."

He raises an eyebrow at that, clearly not buying your lie. He decides to spare you instead. "You shouldn't be having hot chocolate then; that will just trigger it more. Sit. I'll make us some tea."

"No, no, it's okay! I'm fine." You try to argue, but you quickly shut up when he narrows his eyes at you. You wait in awkward silence as he prepares the tea and starts making breakfast, possibly for his friends. Once it was done, you thank him and turn to go back to your room.

"Where are you going?" he asks, spatula raised from where he is cooking.

"Back to my room?"

He shakes his head. "No, you sit. I'm making breakfast anyway."

"But I—"

"Are you really this stubborn?" When you remain silent, he hums and goes back to cooking "That's what I thought. Now sit down."

And what choice do you have?

"Do you take any medicines?" he asks after a few minutes of silence.

"...no?"

"Not even for anxiety? Or anything?"

Wow. What happened to sparing you? You shake your head no. He just raises his brows at that and (mercifully) changes the topic. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothing. It's my first break in months, so I think I might just sleep all day and stay in bed. I don't know." You shrug. "How 'bout you guys? Do you have promotions today?"

He shakes his head. "Nah. We're all preparing for Jungkook's birthday. It's in three days."

Wait. Jungkook's birthday is September 1.

You stop at that, the cup of tea paused from where you were just about to take a drink. "T-three days?" You ask shakily as he puts some food on a plate and places it down in front of you, unaware of your inner turmoil. The food smells amazing, but you don't think you can handle eating right now.

"Yeah. It's 29 today, isn't it?" Jin takes his phone that was on the counter and checks, then puts the phone back down. "It is. We're gonna prepare a surprise for him."

Fuck.

"That's good," you say, trying not to show how your heart feels like it's about to burst out of your chest. He smiles at you and turns back to where he's cooking.

So that's why you've been feeling off since you woke up. 29th. It's the 29th of August today.

You finish your food with difficulty but you don't show it to him to not be ungrateful. His cooking is great, but your mind is really just elsewhere today. "Thanks for the breakfast. And uh, the tea." You clear your throat as you finish washing your plate.

"No biggie." He smiles brightly and you almost forget—almost.

"Have fun today with your plans. I'll be"—you swallow as you leave the room almost hurriedly, and Jin finally notices your distress—"I'll be in my room if you guys need something from me."

You hear him ask if you were really okay but you ignore it, almost tripping on your way out. You don't know you've been holding your breath until you let it out as you reach your room and flop uselessly on your bed. You can't even cry at this rate. You've spent so long crying that it left you tearless and empty. When you try to look deeper, the pain is crippling that you can't even move to shed a tear. It feels like being suspended mid-air in a dark void with that feeling that you might fall anytime, only you don't know when and if the fall will finally kill you.

You spend the whole day in bed with minimal to no human interaction. Matt swung by midday and thanked you with a hug before the band left. It will be hours later when someone knocks on your door again.

It's Namjoon.

"Y/N?"

You're tempted to not answer him. While yes, your closeness with him and his group came a long way from just them being your clients, you still don't feel comfortable with giving them the burden of trying to deal with your tragedies and discomfort. He calls your name again with a light knock before you amble to the door weakly, opening it just an inch. "Hey."

You smile at him, but it's clear as day that you aren't really feeling it. "Hey, Namjoon."

"Are you okay?" He pauses, then shakes his head. "No, you're obviously not. Can I come in?"

And of course, he can.

One thing you like about him is his maturity and perceptiveness. With the chaos that comes with his group, Namjoon keeps them tethered. You love their group, you really do. But when the energy becomes too much, you're thankful because he always senses your need to slow down and calms them. Maybe it's the same reason you're drawn to him the most out of all of them. All you know is it isn't just a plain crush on such a charming person anymore. When you spend a lot of time with someone so kind and wonderful, their looks become just a fucking bonus. Every time you look at him your heart won't stop racing, and it's the exhilarating type that makes you sweat and puts the coil in your stomach.

You both sit on the bed, pulling up the covers as he sits a respectable distance from you.

"Hyung told me what happened," he says at last. Your stomach drops at that. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Do you want to?

With your silence, he continues. "I understand if you don't want to. Just know that we're here for you." Then softly, "I'm here for you."

Your heart stutters, but you keep your face neutral by giving him a soft smile. "Thank you, Namjoon."

After a few minutes, he asks, "Is it because of Jungkook?"

"What?"

"Jin-hyung said you ran away when he mentioned our surprise for Jungkook." There is an emotion you can't name that briefly flits through his face before it smooths out to curiosity. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No!" At his surprised face, you backtrack. "No," you say in a much softer voice. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I—"

"Noona!"

Wow. Speak of the devil and all that jazz.

Jungkook bursts through the door, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere in the room. Or if he does, he doesn't comment on it. "My favorite Noona~!" He climbs on the bed and sits beside you.

Your eyes flit to Namjoon, and you nearly miss the sharp look he gives him when Jungkook lies with his head on your lap. You snort at Jungkook's antics, a slow smile spreading to your lips.

"I bet you say that to all your noonas," you tease, to which Jungkook splutters.

"No, I don't!" He turns to Namjoon. "Tell her, hyung."

"I—what?"

"That she is my favorite noona!"

"You do say that to all your noonas, Kook." Namjoon deadpans.

"Hyung!"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Namjoon laughs. "Everyone knows you love Y/N the most."

"Yeah! Don't be jealous though, hyung." Jungkook chides, a crimson blush slowly spreading over Namjoon's cheeks. "We all know you love her the most."

"Hey—!"

"By the way," Jungkook back turns to you and ignores Namjoon's protesting, "we're all going out later. Want to come with?"

"Uh," you awkwardly scratch the back of your head. "I don't know, Jungkook. I—"

"Please?" He pulls his infamous doe eyes that makes it hard to refuse. While you normally don't have an issue with going out, you're not feeling up for it today. Especially not today of all days.

Your mind drifts to your old friends.

It's been seven years since they'd all been gone, but the memory is still fresh. For the past few years, you'd celebrated this day—all their birthdays—cradling a bottle of whatever liquor you get your hands on. You'd plow through bottle after bottle, glass after glass, trying to forget that you would have been celebrating with them had that day not happened. Then, you'd come home and sob yourself to sleep and pass out from being drunk because them being gone meant your alcohol tolerance was suddenly gone too.

"Y/N?" You snap out of your trance and see both men looking at you in confusion. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah." The hollow feeling intensifies and you feel a little nauseous, but you shake it off. "Sorry, what was that again?"

"Do you want to come with us later?" Jungkook's mood subdues at your lost expression, concern marring his pretty face. "But you can say no if you don't want to!"

You know they really wouldn't force you to come with them if you say no. They never once made you feel like you have no choice with the shenanigans they drag you into.

Then you think about what Alex would probably say if he's still here, what all of them would say. They'd kick your ass for stopping yourself from celebrating and getting wasted. They'd tell you that you need to try to forget even just for a day, and that drinking a whole ass bar is one way to do it. They would probably say some shit about honoring them by getting shitfaced.

"Okay," you say weakly.

The two men looks at you apprehensively.

"Are you sure, Y/N? We really wouldn't mind."

You nod. "It's fine. I'm sure it'll be fun."

"It will be!" Jungkook says excitedly. "I'll make sure it is."

And make sure, he does.

Eight pm rolls around and you're ready to head out with them. You don't want to risk them being seen with someone who'll just drag their image down so as much as it pains you, you actually do put effort in dressing up and looking presentable. Normally, you would just wear the most comfortable outfit. You can't risk that tonight, however. You're going out with people who has all eyes on them. Being associated with someone who looks remotely like a trash can would do nothing good for their image, although you know they could care less about that.

"Noona, you read...y?" You turn around in time to see Jungkook's Adam's apple bob in his throat. His eyes rakes your figure and you can't help the slight flush in your cheeks when you meet his intense gaze.

"Am I overdressed?" You try to joke, but it feels weak. He shakes his head, cheeks a lovely shade of pink.

"You look wonderful, noona ." He mutters under his breath, "too wonderful."

"What?"

He ignores that, giving you a blinding smile. "Shall we go?"

You feel baffled by his actions, but nod at him nonetheless. "Lemme just put on my shoes." You turn around and miss his eyes go wide when you bend over to slip on your pumps. He subtly adjusts himself through his pants and tears his eyes away from your ass before you can catch him staring. "Let's go?"

"Y-yeah." He clears his throat. "Hyungs are all waiting downstairs."

"Are you sure you're okay?" You ask. You walk over to him and put your hand on his forehead, unaware of his inner turmoil at the skin contact.

He catches your hand, and you gasp at his intense stare. A few seconds pass and he squeezes your hand before letting go.

"I'm okay." He then smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Let's go?"

--

You've already lost track of how many drinks you've consumed tonight. The corner of the bar was the perfect place and you made a beeline for it straight away once you spot it, unaware of Namjoon's eyes that were trained on you the whole time. You know you probably should've stuck with the others but you know your presence wouldn't be missed that much, so you stay put. You just left when you had enough turning down unwanted attention. Seriously, can't they all get a fucking hint?

"There you are!"

You startle as you feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn around and Jungkook stands there with a dopey smile. You assume he's on the way to being drunk now, but you really can't tell. "Y/N! I've been looking for you everywhere."

Obviously not everywhere. "Sorry, Kookie. I was just at the bar."

His smile gets wider at the pet name. "Kookie?"

"Oh, I mean—"

"I like it." He takes your hand with a slight tug. "Come on, let's go find the others."

You let him lead you and weave through the throng of partygoers. You feel the warmth of his hand on yours and fixate on it. Too much, that you don't know where he's leading you until the sounds of music gets muffled and muted. There's a firm click and thud, and you're being pushed against the door. His lips are on yours before you can even comprehend what's happening.

It takes you a few seconds to realize that you're kissing back. Weakly at first, you try to push him off you until he takes the hint.

His lips detach from yours and he pulls away, breathing heavily. His profile is illuminated by the purple light of the room, and you can feel the rise and fall of his chest from catching his breath.

"What are we doing?" You ask him, eyes wide.

"Nothing you won't consent to."

You look at each other wordlessly. He steps back a little from you and removes his hands on your hips. You realize that he's giving you an out if you want to, but that you really don't want him to give you an out.

The last part scares you.

"I won't force you to anything you don't want to," he says gravelly. "You can always say no."

"What if I don't want to?" You mumble. "Say no, that is."

He looks confused for a moment. When it dawns on him, however, his lips pull into a slow devilish smirk. Goosebumps follow his fingers on your skin.

"Then we do whatever you want."

It's all a blur after that.

His lips find yours again, hands seeking the curve of your hips. He trails kisses on your cheeks down to your neck and chest, and sucks bruises that make you gasp out loud as your hands tangle in his silky hair. They don't slack grip as you guide him down right where you want his mouth and hands.

He takes you twice; first is when he pounds you from behind. Your hair is fisted in his hands as he pulls on it, and your eyes roll back in pleasure.

He thrusts deeper when you moan loud. "Stay quiet, noona," the honorific sounding sinful from his lips. You keen when he grinds his hips and hit that wonderful spot.

The second is with your legs wrapped around his waist, arms on his shoulder. You can feel the pulse of his cock inside you with every savage thrust, and it makes you forget what it is you're running from. Half-crescent scratches are etched on his shoulders as you grip him tightly when you come, his hips stuttering in rhythm as his own orgasm crashes through him when you tighten around him.

Once you both finally catch your breath, he puts you down gently and fixes the creases on your dress.

"I'm taking this home," he says and pockets your panties. You don't have it in you to protest. Instead, you settle on rolling your eyes at him with a placid smile.

"I think you fucked the sad out of me," you say as your breathing calms to normal. You run your fingers through his hair and he kisses your wrist. "Thank you, Kookie. Happy birthday."

He pulls you into a tender hug, pressing a kiss on your hair. "Love you, Y/N."

You don't respond, don't need to. You know he feels it with how you fix his appearance and ruffle his hair as you lead him out of the room, totally unaware of a set of eyes that follow you both on your way out.

[romana-after-dark]

Romana Life Update!

Hi guys! as many of you know I finished up finals for this semester last month and theres been a few changes so!

I lived ina different state this summer! Im in the US so I moved further west. I've lived here before and this happens to be where my 3 best friends from high school moved to and a very good friend from when i got my associates degree out here is about to have a baby so is good timing (she's actually a week and 2 days late on the baby.... so XD)

As many of you know, my full time job is at a day care and I love it1 I've worked with children in several different capacities in volunteer work, childcare, Head Start (a preschool for low income families) and in social services so im in my element here. however, as many saw yesterday we had a bomb threat and had to evacuate and it was really scary. Last week we went into lockdown for a nearby shooting. its my second week. If these crisises keep happening idk if i can do this, but i love working with kids.

as of today, i started back at olive garden on weekends bc i need more money this summer lol. Mnay of you know i've been working in olive garden during the school year, so i just transfered. I actually used to work at this olive garden when i was getting my associates here so i know some people already, including a buddy who is a manager. I liked it so far, i was just shadowing today so they let me go home early since i did NOT sleep last night due to the bomb situation.

so that's where im at right now! I hope to finish my degree by the end of next summer but i may have an extra semester. After that i'd like to teach elementary school, but i may come back to this job next summer and teach again or go to head start, both jobs will pay for me to get an early childcare education certificate. I just love working with kids and i feel this is my calling.

anyway, all that being said ill try to keep getting these fics out bc i love writing! but im busy busy busy! i love you all and thank you for your support in my writing!

[wndaswife]

I'm not even lying when I say that I think milf is interested in you. From how they act and her saying that she likes to your time together during dates like?!!?? I don't know maybe I'm reading info it.

Anyways now that you have your own place maybe movie nights at your place?? Also when did you guys reschedule for?

there are a lot of things that make me think she is interested in me, most things i do not even share on here because i think sometimes i want to be patient and sure with things before i even get excited about them!! tho convos that make me especially giggly i can’t really contain so i have to giggle on the dashboard

either way i just store them in memory and have them marinate while i get closer with her

it’s hard, i don’t know if she’s gay or if im too young for her (tho she told me the guy who she said asked for her number looked like he was in his early 20s and her only concern was that she wasn’t sure if he knew how old she actually is), and even if we r both interested in each other there are just things to feel more confident about mutually before progressing with anything romantic

in a way im not in an enormous rush, we both like seeing each other a lot n still made plans for months in the future :^)

yeah!!! yea yea yea that would be so fun to watch movies with her at my place and stuff :3 there is this really nice place to watch the sunset she said she wants to go to with me and i have such a vivid image of asking to braid her hair bc it’s sooo pretty and i think she really likes physical contact

lots of plans, just excited to have her over

no certain date as of rn because the whole week we’re both busy, likely we might talk about it this weekend when i tell her i’ve moved in!!