#eager longpig

[coopers-kitchen]

Here's a tip for any aspiring longpigs: nothing will buy you a one-way ticket to the oven faster than an apple in the mouth.

It's the perfect way of saying exactly what you are, and what you intend to become - a delicious longpork dinner.

This hog is particularly eager. In fact, he's gone so far as to write his meat grade on his side - a little cocky for sure, but I can't help but agree. Would you believe that this pig isn't even 230 lbs? I almost didn't, seeing the size of that gut or those fat rolls.

This pig desperately wants to be roasted in the oven, and based on that first photo I agree. It makes his best assets stand out, accentuates that juicy belly, and makes his hams look fat enough to keep me fed for a few days. Still, I'm not one to turn down a little extra meat.

As soon as he gets to my place I'm going to cage him for a while. In fact, I have one coming free in a few days - a little cramped, but as long as he's comfy in that position who cares? A week or so being forcefed my 100% efficient pigfeed and he'll definitely pack on a few pounds before it's time to slice off his oysters and graduate him to housepig status.

Still, I don't think that status will last for long. Sometimes you see a pig who's perfect for a big event like Halloween, Thanksgiving, or plain-old Thursday. This pig doesn't need much work, so I'd say he'll be around for a few days before he's shaved, stuffed, and roasted.

For this pig I'm going to go with a nice honey, apple, and whisky glaze. For the stuffing I'm going to go for longpork, fresh apples, berries, and honey. After all, you don't always need exotic stuffing ingredients, Longpork is already the most decadent ingredient there is, and the most important thing is always to find the right recipe for the right pig. I can't wait to dig into this succulent Porkboy. It's just a shame I can only cook him once.

[piggyinthemiddle]

Such passionate obesity and the eager readiness to be useless apart from a stockpile of meat mmmmm

I don’t think I’d find longpig so appealing if it wasn’t a fatty greasy feast served on a silver platter

I *neeeed* more asks or chats like this. Ugh. Hitting me in just the right spot at the moment. 🥵🔥🐖

[coopers-kitchen]

This pig first found out about his dad’s taste when he found out that the reason he was never allowed in the basement as a kid is because it’s where his dad and uncle butchered and portioned up all those fat boys that kept disappearing in “bear attacks”.

Well, ever since his dad came down and found his own son had stripped off and locked himself up in a feeding cage, the family’s gotten closer than ever. This hog helps with the hunts, the care, the prep, and he’s been getting nice and fat on a diet of fresh longpork.

Well, it wasn’t too long before curiosity turned to acceptance. He knew his dad wanted to eat him, and he knew he’d be damn delicious, too. He walked around naked, all those choice cuts on display. Now that cannibalism has been legalised, he doesn’t even need to hide it. He’s even brought some pigs from college home to meet the family.

Well, the sad fact is this pig realised that it wasn’t enough to just be butchered - he wanted a live roast, so he could feel every moment of the prep, and feel himself change from pig to pork.

Well, his dad’s been cooking up longpig for decades, but never a whole one. It’s a whole different skillset and, even though they tried with a few pigs, he never got the knack of a live cook. Sure, he’d dreamed of what his son would taste like ever since he saw him locked up between a Swedish backpacker and a college student he’d hooked up with, but it’s one thing to butcher a random hog, it’s another to do it to your son when he wants nothing more than to be cooked alive.

Well, I’m always interested in helping a hog achieve his dreams, and when they contacted me I was more than happy to help out - after all, not only do I have the skills, I have the sort of kitchen most pigs can only dream of. Dad was even kind enough to throw in a pig he’d butcher for me, lining up all his caged stock for a virtual meat inspection. Soon, they were on their way to LA alongside a few coolers filled with sausages, burgers, chops, steaks, ribs, ground meat, and meat for stuffing, all harvested from a delicious volunteer that had spent six months in a feeding cage ready to butcher.

This pig could barely wait for the oven. He’d spent three days on an all beer diet and shaved himself totally smooth. Some basic prep, one last fuck, and he was ready to stuff (longpork, wild rice, apple, and whisky), glaze (a honey apple reduction), truss up, and slide into the oven with a juicy red apple wedged between his teeth for the live roast he’d been dreaming of.

Well, cooking a pig like this is an all-day project, so me and his dad had a chat, talking shop. We had a light lunch, and he’s definitely an expert butcher based on how delicious and juicy those longpork chops were. Still, we all knew what the main event was: the whole roast currently squirming as he felt his meat cooking, and we only got hungrier as the smell of roasting pork filled the house, my eager housepigs sorting out all the side dishes and serving us however we wanted and, well, longpig is an aphrodisiac.

By the time evening rolled by, we were ready to eat, and it’s rare to see a dad that eager to dig into his son, or for anyone to match my appetite. Between the two of us we made a decent dent in this hog in a few days, and by the time dad was ready to make the trip back east he’d gained a few pounds, a better understanding of the art of cooking, and the contact details of one of my proteges who’s looking for a supplier for his new restaurant.

[cooperskitchen]

We all know that porn isn’t a lifetime career for most guys.

Take this juicy pig. He joined the industry at 18, and for a long time he was at the top of the game. This was his dream career, and he knew it’d last forever. Sadly, that was never going to happen. By the time he was in his twenties there were too many hot young things to compete with, so I approached his studio and we thought why not let their former top star go out with a bang?

Luckily for me, this piggy was a natural born longpig who dreamed of becoming meat, but never thought he’d go through with it. combining that with his dream career and he signed his life away without a second thought!

It was the classic “Hansel and Gretel” situation, although with an eager Hansel fattening up. We even livestreamed the whole thing - his time in the feeding cages, face down in a trough of slop, shovelling sweets and cakes and meats down his throat, gulping down beer. We measured every weighing, every measurement, every fuck. We even did a few live feedings at gay clubs around Berlin, and as you can see from the Lederhosen he was already a pig ready for the oven. He may have been falling from porn superstardom, but his new identity as Hansel had him shooting up the popularity charts.

Of course, we all know Hansel and Gretel doesn’t have a happy ending, so we came up with our own. This time around, Hansel is eager to be the best piggy possible, even cooking up his own balls as an appetizer for the warlock - and damn, they were some great balls - and begging for more as fistful after fistful of stuffing disappeared up his fat ass, in between the mouthfuls he was stuffing down his throat. We finished this off with funnelling a few pints of beer right down his throat. Pork and beer are a great combination.

Then it was just a wink at the camera, and into the oven he went.

The studio let a few lucky fans tome for dinner. You’d be surprised how many people are curious about the taste as longpig, especially a longpig as eager and delicious as this.

Hansel’s Cannibal Cookout became the studio’s bestselling porn film of all time, enough for them to found a whole new studio, Gingerbread, just for cannibal themed porn shoots. We already have applications rolling in both from longpigs and chefs, so it looks like I won’t be facing a shortage of boypork any time soon.

[coopers-kitchen]

I throw a Halloween party every year, and just like with every party I'm always serving up longpig - and with it being a holiday, I want to make sure I have something really special.

Luckily, I get pigs more or less begging for the chance to be one of my holiday meals. So this year I did something different.

In January, I posted on Meat-up that I was looking for pigs for all the major holidays. I got photos, videos, nutritional information, diets, measurements, everything I needed to make an informed decision. I narrowed the shortlist down to fifty pigs and had them all get a one way trip out to California, with the understanding that they'd never go home, as I made my final selection.

Some of the decisions were easy. I knew I wanted a Chinese pig for Chinese New Year, and of the two pigs that flew out from Shanghai, one needed a little too much time to get ready, while one of them was good enough to eat. A cornfed, All-American type was ideal for a July 4 barbecue, and even though I don't personally celebrate eid, the 300 pound Saudi Arabian boy definitely warranted a feast of his own.

Don't worry, I made sure all the pigs I didn't pick went to good homes - a few went to Isla Cerdos, a few went to some chef friends of mine, two got sent as project pigs at the Isla Cerdos culinary program, three were butchered, and the rest went to pigsitters until I had space for them as house pigs.

This was my selection for Halloween - 300 pounds of prime pork, with plenty of time to maintain his meat and ensure the maximum flavour. I shifted him to an mostly vegetarian diet and monitored him carefully, made sure he only ate pre approved snacks, and lots of them. Two months before Halloween, I cut meat out entirely - this pig was strictly a vegetarian. One month before he was caged and fed only 100% efficient and vegetarian pig slop. Four days before Halloween and he switched to a liquid diet, only brought out when it was time to shave him, clean him, and prep him for the oven the day before the big event.

I celebrated the season with a sweet stuffing- maple syrup, longpork from a pig who'd hoped to be my Halloween meal but sold to a butcher bud of mine (seems only fair he got to participate in some way), donuts, pumpkin, cinammon, pecans, and nutmeg. It tasted so good he was only too eager to shovel it down his throat while I worked fistful after fistful up his eager ass, packing him tight - after all, he had a lot of mouths to feed. A maple pecan glaze rubbed into every inch of pork, and I even switched out the traditional apple for a candy one. Then, it was just a matter of trussing him up and sliding him into the oven. I take Halloween seriously, hence the longer than usual cooking time - an extra long time on a low heat meant plenty of time for all the fat to melt into the pork for extra flavour and tenderness, and it meant this Pork Chop got to experience cooking for a nice long time, especially when I broght him out to baste or rest the meat and, well, if you can't play with your food on Halloween, when can't you? Just call it a trick. He was ready when it was time for my guests to arrive, and as an extra treat for such a special pig, I served him rare - still alive, unable to feel pain, but aware that he was being eaten. I even paid some of the wait staff from one of my restaurants overtime if they worked the event, carving the meat while me and my buds and pigs enjoyed the party.

Well, it's safe to say that the party was a huge success - the pig was tender, delicious, and lasted for hours as we went back and forth to get more and more, and I bet this pig was satisfied to finally become the meal he'd always dreamed of.

[ao3feed-voltronlegendarydefender]

Don't Look Away

read it on the AO3 at http://archiveofourown.org/works/14128470

by Longpig

Decaphoebs ago, a much younger and more innocent Thace befriended the heir to the Galra Empire. Ostracized because of his mixed blood, the Prince latched on to Thace as his only friend and companion. The two were inseparable, until the day that Thace’s family was reassigned. It seemed like the end of the world, but that was a lifetime ago.

Now, as a double agent for the Blade of Marmora, life is more complicated than he could ever have foreseen. He does not often think of those days. Sometimes he hears gossip about the wayward prince. He wonders what happened, or what might have been if he had never left; but nostalgia is a luxury he can't afford.

All that changes when he is summoned for a mission on the Emperor's behalf. His son continues to trouble him, even in exile; attempts to monitor or temper his behaviour have been violently repudiated. A new tactic is required — Zarkon and Haggar believe they can use Thace’s previous friendship, and send him to spy on the Prince.

When the Blade learns of the assignment, they are eager to turn it to their advantage as well. Thace will be forced to balance his cover as a devoted servant of the Empire, his duty to the Blade, and his feelings for his old friend.

Words: 1666, Chapters: 1/7, Language: English

Series: Part 9 of Growing Pains

Fandoms: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Thace (Voltron), Prorok (Voltron), Haggar (Voltron), Acxa (Voltron), Ezor (Voltron), Narti (Voltron), Zethrid (Voltron), Lotor (Voltron), Kova (Voltron)

Relationships: Lotor/Thace (Voltron)

Additional Tags: Childhood Friends, Reunions, Angst, Divided Loyalties, Espionage, blade of marmora, Alternate Universe, Mind Meld, Porn with Feelings, Angst and Porn, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Spies, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Flashbacks

read it on the AO3 at http://archiveofourown.org/works/14128470

[coopers-kitchen]

Ever since cannibalism became legal, a lot of classic American things have been making big business with special cannibalism-themed events, including rodeo.

This guy was born into a family of cannibals, so he quickly became one of the best longpig wranglers in the business. They’d grab some unwilling pig - either from the street or from the crowd - strip them naked, cover them in butter, then set them loose. They make it to the exit, they’re free, but if someone grabs them, they’re getting a nice, juicy longpig.

Sure, a few guys did make it to the exit, but when there’s a crowd of hungry cannibals you know they didn’t make it very far.

You can tell this guy’s good at what he does, but let’s face it - where’s the thrill? Not many guys got the upbringing he did, so he ended up taking four out of five hogs home, and coming back the next week a little wider. Hell, when you have access to so much free food, it’s natural to pig out.

I met up with the owner of the rodeo at Cannicon and he offered me $100k to put this pig in his place. He gets to make the show more exciting, I get a meal, this pig gets what he deserves - sounds like a good deal to me.

I visited the rodeo and made sure to introduce myself after the show. Even offered him a real gourmet - after all, he’d already caught the centerpiece.

We had a real gourmet meal, then the sleeping pills in his beer started to take effect. By the time he woke up he was caged up in the back of my truck on the way back to California.

Of course he protested - cannibals usually are when they end up a link down on the food chain - but hell, with a hog like this, you can afford to take your time.

I took his balls first, and let him watch while I ate them, commenting on the delicious taste. I swear his mouth was watering - oysters are a delicacy, he should know - then I kept him caged up for a while as I took him, piece by piece. Nothing helps a cannibal realize he deserves to be eaten more than tasting his own meat. By the time he was down his calves he was an eager housepig, pretty much begging me to take more, tempting me with his juicy thighs and big fat belly.

Well, good things can’t last forever. After a few months he was nothing but a torso, and he knew there was nothing more to taste. If I hadn’t already had a nice big cock dog, his dick’d be rock hard in anticipation when I transferred him to a beer only diet.

For this hog I picked an pineapple, longpork, macadamia nut, cherry, and barbeque spice stuffing - half up his ass, half down his throat. I saved some of his meat for the stuffing but there’s no way a pig this good is going to have enough meat left over to fill a gut that big. It’s rare to see a pig that eager to eat his own meat, knowing what comes next. After that it was just making him down a bottle of bourbon, slathering him in a bourbon-BBQ glaze, and impaling him on a spit. He squealed like a pig the whole time, but he still obeyed my instructions. stayed still, helped me guide the spit through his chest and up his throat, and opened up nice and wide as the metal pole emerged from his throat.

The amount of meat on this pig kept him alive and squirming for hours as he cooked, even as the smell of his roasting meat filled the garden. When it was finally time to dig in, the meat was juicy, delicious, and melt in the mouth tender. All those longpigs he’d eaten even before I took control of the diet just made him all the tastier.

Besides, the rodeo owner’s making more money than ever now that there’s more competition at the Longpig wrangling. Still, I made sure he knows who to call if he ever wants to spice things up again.

Want to help fatten this hog up for the lucky chef who gets him in his kitchen? His Pateron is https://www.patreon.com

[coopers-kitchen]

Every Halloween, I throw a big party, and obviously, like any event I’m hosting, I’m serving up boypork. Unlike the rest of the year, I make sure to get some free range pork for the occasion, even if I have three housepigs ready to cook and a basement full of caged pigs. Some would call it pointless, I prefer to think of it as giving some lucky pig an authentic Halloween experience.

This is the centrepiece of tonight’s Hogloween, a delicious Brazilian chubster. He hit me up on Grindr thinking I was just a chubby chaser, eager to experience everything LA has to offer, including Halloween. 56 inch waist, 251 pounds of delicious, melt-in-the-mouth pork means that I didn’t bother with my usual process, I’d already found my meal.

So I made a game of it. I wanted to see how long I could go before this entree realized he was the main course. Luckily for me, he was as dumb as he was delicious. He fasted for three days because I told him it’d mean he’d get to gorge on candy didn’t cum for weeks before the big event, and “It’s halloween” was enough to convince him this is just how Halloween goes.

Luckily, he took all the comments on how delicious he looked as a compliment, happily let me and my buds use him all we wanted, and even when we were stuffing him full of a special toffee apple and pork stuffing he just accepted the attention. He didn’t even care that I insisted he drink everything I put in front of him, or complain about hunger despite promising to make him into a delicious pork dinner.

He thought it was a fun party game to let us cover him in a toffee apple and bourbon glaze, all the while talking about how delicious he’d be, even choosing our cuts. He just thought we were kinky when we trussed him up, and that we were posing for a cool photo when he opened wide for the apple. We took a photo, of course, everyone needs a before shot ;)

Sure, the booze kept him dumb and compliant, but after a few minutes in the oven he must have realized we weren’t going to let him out for at least a few hours. After all, what sort of Halloween party starts at eleven AM?

By the time the party really got rolling there was a whole roasted longpig on a platter in the garden, apple shoved deep in his mouth, ready to carve. I got first choice, of course - cock and balls, ass, belly, chest, and a whole leg - but there was plenty left over for everyone else, and at the end of the night I still had a groaning stomach and half a pig to tide me over until halloween.

Hell, one thing everyone knows about Halloween is Trick or Treat. We played a trick, alright, but fuck, did we get a treat ;)

--

Find this delicious, eager porkboy at https://www.tumblr.com/luk-hog-br

[coopers-kitchen]

(This is my 100th porkboy, and I look forward to adding more to the menu. Hope you all enjoy this hog.)

I have a lot of longpigs who freely offer their meat, but not many go as far as this porker. Between sending me photos of himself covered in olive oil or butter or outright telling me I knew I wanted to roast him, we both knew it was only a matter of time before I invited him over for dinner.

He was especially proud of his belly pork and big, meaty tits, but don’t worry, I enjoyed every delicious pound of this pig, and at over 260 pounds of boypork, there was a lot of pig to enjoy.

Much as I love fattening my own pigs, making sure their meat is up to my standards, this pig was already blue ribbon when we met. He was so eager he even fasted for three days before meeting me and shaved, so he was ready to cook from the moment we met.

For this pig I chose a spiced cranberry, pecan, and longpig sausagemeat stuffing, until that jiggly belly was tight as a drum. After that, I covered every inch of that pork with a maple glaze, and believe me, I had to use a lot of glaze to cover this hog. After that, I just needed to truss him up, shove an apple in his mouth, and slide him into the oven on a low heat, perfect to let my him feel his fat melting, his skin cracking to expose the meat beneath, every moment of his transition from me to meal as the delicious smell of roasting longpork filled the kitchen.

He was totally right about his belly and tits. That meat was so tender it melted into my mouth, delicious and beautifully marbled, the fat making the meat extra juicy. His rump was also beautiful - but let’s face it, with a feast like this every bite is beautiful.

I have a big appetite, but I ate until my belly was straining, and I still feel like I barely made a dent in this hog. Usually I’d invite some friends around to join me for such a big meal, but when you have a porkboy like this offer you his meat, why would you waste it by doing something as stupid as sharing? I was feasting on this meat for weeks, even making some sandwiches and rice dishes to enjoy in public. It always turns me on to eat longpork in public while scouting for my next meal, but let’s be honest, a hog like this is going to be hard to top.

[coopers-kitchen]

(Source: Nielsg on Deviantart)

This pig was on vacation in Cancun, when he fell asleep an inner tube. By the time his friends noticed that he’d floated away he was already too far out to sea. At that point, he’s basically dead. If he doesn’t die of starvation or thirst then he’ll drown or get eaten by Great Whites.

Well, luckily for a few lucky cannibals, he washed up right on the shores of Isla Cerdos, before even waking up. We checked he was okay, of course, but you know, it’s not like we were going to let him go.  What motive would we have? We have plenty of unwilling pigs caged up for butchering, and even some cute ones there that’ll get cooked up whole, if necessary. We have no qualms about eating a longpig who doesn’t want it.

Besides, the only access to the island is through the private air field, and who would let a pig go?

Still, I’m not a total monster. When I found out about the situation I gave him options: we could shove him in a feeding cage to fatten up, or we could assign him a personal chef and he’ll get to enjoy a free vacation for the rest of his life. Sure, it’d end with him being cooked alive, but when you’re going to be eaten either way, why not take the more painful option if it means you get to swim with dolphins and whale sharks, have sex, and spend your time swimming, eating, and getting drunk?

He picked that option, of course. He was assigned to one of our more experienced chefs who immediately denutted him - both to help him fatten up and keep him calm and complacent. This new addition to the sty has already proven popular, with his schedule booked up for the next three weeks by cannibals eager to play with their food. I’m sure that within a few weeks of being surrounded by guys who want to eat him, and pigs eager to be cooked up and devoured, he’ll start to enjoy himself more. He may even look forward to becoming an entree.

[coopers-kitchen]

A lot of longpigs realize what they are relatively young. A lot of the time it's Hansel and Gretel, other times they'll stumble upon the subculture and realize they were born to be eaten. Their whole purpose is to be delicious, and have their meat enjoyed by a cannibal like me.

This pig understands his place on the food chain, so he was more than eager to show off some "before" pictures. How could I resist such an eager pig? Look at him showing off that juicy pork belly, those meaty tits - and his hams, oysters, and rump are just as delectable, believe me.

I kept this pig around for a while as a House Pig, but you can tell from the posing he's eager to meat his fate, and when you have a pig this eager for the oven, showing off constantly, there's a good chance he's going to end up as an entree sooner rather than later. He was only around for three months before I had enough. I've rarely seen a hog so turned on joining me for dinner. Willing, unwilling, whatever, it turned him on so much knowing we were dining on boypork, and with it being such a powerful aphrodisiac you know I had a lot of fun playing with my food. I get it; even if he didn't get a taste, the power dynamic between predator and prey is massive, and the helplessness is a massive turn on for longpigs and cannibals alike. Even some of the most unwilling pigs will still get turned on at the concept from time to time.

Well, good things don't last forever, and this teasing porkboy got what he deserved - to be stuffed, impaled on a spit, roasted, and devoured, just like he dreamed. He asked me to send these pics out in the hopes that another guy will see them and realize what's missing in their lives - the realization that what they want, more than anything, is to submit, and offer their pork to a guy who has no qualms about putting them in their rightful place on the food chain.

[coopers-kitchen]

Alien technology is decades ahead of our own. As have their appetites towards meat.

Let’s face it, we’re all meat. The key difference is that some of us - chefs and longpigs alike - understand that fact. These aliens discovered a long time ago that human meat is fucking delicious, so it’s always in high demand, especially when some aliens are flying by and decide to grab a bite to eat.

This longpig was specifically chosen as the centrepiece for a gay wedding meal on a planet orbiting Alpha Centauri - although there are other pigs, this hog will be eaten solely by the hungry newlyweds. He, and all the other pigs, are being fed by the food replicator, whenever they want, and whatever they want.

Of course, it’s an insiduous device. The food is highly addictive, but it also makes the pigs complacent. By the time they land in two months, this pig will be twenty pounds heavier and more than eager to be roasted up and cooked. He’ll eagerly comply with every single instruction, and he’ll be moaning in delight with every fistful of stuffing. He’ll even prepare his own oysters as an appetizer for the happy couple.

Damn, if only our tech was at that level, but where’s the fun in that? ;)

[coopers-kitchen]

(Pictures submitted by stgostenchub. https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/stgostenchub)

This pig got in touch, specifically asking to be steamed.

Now, steaming kind of has a bad reputation compared to stewing, roasting, grilling, or spitroasting a pig, but done right you get longpork that’s delicious, juicy, and so tender you could lick it off the bone. It’s also one of the healthiest ways to prepare boypork, so it’s ideal if you’re on a health kick and find yourself craving the other white meat.

Still, this 155 longpig would be even more delicious with another 45 pounds of pork. I had him prep his oysters for harvest before we met, then sliced them off. Not only were they delicious - they are my favorite appetizers, after all - but the change in hormones meant it was easy for this pig to reach his body goals. For months he was fattening up, whether it was lounging around my house eating everything I put in front of him - and believe me, I put a lot in front of him - or locking him up in a cage to be forcefed. And of course, I spent a lot of time playing with my food - fucking a longpig gagged with an apple or locked up in a cage as a feeding tube pumps slop down his throat is something every chef should experience at least once.

Well, nothing lasts forever. This pig was eager to be eaten up, and I was eager for my meal. After three days fasting and spending all his time in a marinade bag, this eager pork chop was only too happy when I was stuffing him, and even happier when I gagged him with an apple, tied his feet to his ankles with cooking twine, and locked him up in the pressure cooker to be cooked alive by the boiling steam. I still remember the joyous look in his eyes as I was shutting the lid - this pig was going to be delicious, and he knew it.

A few hours later I opened the cooker, letting out jets of fragrant steam and revealing my meal, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a longpig look so serene after he’s been steamed. He was so appetizing I ate everything in one sitting, starting with that beautiful, tender bellypork. It was so good, you’d never guess it was a healthy alternative.

[coopers-kitchen]

Lean meat can be delicious, especially if you’re on a diet and don’t want to deprive yourself of delicious longpork, but it does have its own challenges.

A layer of fat doesn’t just make for exceptionally tender meat, but it keeps the meat juicy. While any half decent chef can make a great meal out of a fatty porkboy, a leaner one requires a lot of skill. You need the right temperature to prevent the meat from drying out, and five minutes can, in extreme cases, be the difference between “sumptuous feast” and “inedible mess”.

I’m a firm believer that every pig has a weight where they taste best, and that means that leaner pigs deserve to be eaten as is. We all know someone who can’t gain weight no matter how hard they try, and it’s a sad fact that many willing longpigs never get the chance to meet their fates simply because of outdated prejudices.

I’m going to be starting a new series of videos on Meat-up where I go over the in’s and out’s of cooking with lean meat, and I hope that I can change a lot of minds, and give a lot of eager pigs the gourmet treatment they deserve.

This pig will be starring in my first video, where I’ll be discussing proper spitting technique, how to properly select the best stuffing and glaze, and how to ensure your meal is delicious. As an added bonus when cooking lean meat, “cooked rare” can often by synonymous with “still squirming” which, while possible with fatter porkboys, is noticably rarer. Every chef should experience carving cooked pork from a living boy at least once in their lives. It’s something many pigs dream of but don’t believe is possible, and I’m confident this pig will get to experience it.

As a bonus, I’ll also be showing different ways to prepare the oysters. This pig’s had his cock caged for a few days and they’ve been injected with saline every day - by the time they’re ready to deep fry they’ll be as big as plums, and just as delectable.

[coopers-kitchen]

(Image submitted by Shadowking4268 on Deviantart. Visit his page at https://www.deviantart.com/shadowking4268)

 One thing a lot of would-be cannibals use as an excuse is kitchen facilities. Every chef dreams of roasting their longpigs alive, but as you can see from this photo, it’s perfectly possible to get a decently-sized longpig in an ordinary oven. As long as you have somewhere else to prep the side dishes, no chef has an excuse not to enjoy a nice, delicious boypig.

This volunteer was more than happy to demonstrate, eager for other longpigs to have the opportunity to roast alive for the pleasure of whichever chef is lucky enough to get them in their clutches.

Of course, this pig isn’t ready quite yet. He has a few days fasting and prepping his balls before it’s time to harvest my appetizers and cook him alive. Hell, I haven’t even settled on which stuffing to use.

Chefs, don’t use your lack of “facilities” as an excuse. Most willing longpigs dream of a live cooking, and if you keep saying you can’t provide one they’ll just keep going to the men who can offer it. Sure, this won’t work on a fat longpig, but don’t discount the lean meat - you’re missing out on some delicious longpork.

As for this pig, he’s going to be delicious. Nice lean mean, perfect, fat oysters, and you know that hot boys taste best. I might just roast him in this oven to prove a point. Maybe if my fellow cannibals get their acts together, more longpigs like this one will get their happy endings - being cooked alive and devoured like they deserve.

[cooperskitchen]

Oktoberfest is a big thing in Germany. A celebration of German culture, alcohol, and food, we get visitors from all over the world.

And what German food is more iconic than bratwurst? This year, for the first time ever, lucky Hansels like this porker have signed up for the chance to be turned into sausages which will then be devoured by festival goers. This pig has signed up to be devoured exclusively by hot men, and as you can tell from his gut he’s dreamt of this day for a long while. He ate nothing but acorns for a month before the festivities began, and he’s abstaining from food now, although he’s guzzling down more than enough beer to make it nice and tender.

This was his last photo before he went to meat his fate. Just behind the slide is the slaughterhouse experience where festivalgoers get to see exactly how a pig gets processed. He’ll be shaved, cleaned thoroughly inside and out, then fed into a meat grinder, feet first. The screams and squeals of eager pigs is bound to become a beloved part of the festivities for years to come. The meat will then be processed in different ways to show the many different ways longpork sausages can be made, whether mixed with cognac to make the meat heady and indulgent, with apples and berries for a sweeter taste, or with hot chillis and peppers for the truly brave.

We’re expecting to get a couple of hundred sausages from this porker. Never thought I’d see a pig so turned on at the thought of being unrecognizable, just another sausage. Oh well, with longpig sausage being so delicious, it’s got to happen to someone, might as well be a pig who wants it.