#dynamic to be... not quite so compelling. where IS your nuance. where IS your understanding of whiteness in the OHL v mexican in the usntdp

[sergeifyodorov]

you truly understand the thing that makes 1634 so good and that is auston’s REAL gay pining i’ll love you forever mitch while mitch is like “yeah haha i’m in love with you😂” <- sincere yet not quite. but causals view their dynamic with those roles switched which makes for a less interesting pairing

I think a lot of people look at Auston's more overt masculinity (which mind you is done with an intentional nod at the camera -- earrings, pornstache, bright colours, sheer shirts -- ken-doll gay-porn butch-boy masc) and confuse that with the more stereotypically hockey casually-homoerotic out-of-touch way of looking at things ... all the while ONE of these two grew up white and Torontonian in the very socially regimented Canadian junior hockey system and it wasn't him!!!

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Thoughts on Kris x Ralsei

This is so long I had to split it up into parts - this is Part 1, which looks into how the roles that Kris and Ralsei are given contributes to the idea of their romance. As more parts are written, they'll be linked below in this handy-dandy TOC!

Part 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After <- (You Are Here!) Part 1.5: I Believe Your Choices DO Matter Part 2: A Pair of Star-Cross'd Lovers Part 2.5: In Another World, We Could Have Been (Just) Friends

Okay, so.

Wanted to elaborate a bit on my viewpoint of this ship, because I don't think it's something I've ever really discussed before and I think it's actually a very interesting dynamic (or at least has the potential to be, depending on where the rest of Deltarune goes).

So, Kralsei is cute, isn't it? It's fun to hug the fluffy boy and watch him melt into incomprehensible stuttering and blushing. All the little signs he's really, really into Kris, all the cute little snippets of dialogue you can initiate with him, all the alone time they spend together, in both chapters... honestly, the game makes it hard not to root for this pairing.

And yeah, it's cute... in a very surface-level, don't-think-about-it-too-hard kind of way. But once you start thinking about it... hoo boy. There is. A LOT to unpack here. So much more is going on just under the surface, and once you see it, it's difficult to un-see it. And in my opinion, it makes the Kralsei dynamic so much more nuanced, more compelling, and potentially quite tragic.

Now, a disclaimer: it's fine to like this ship on a surface level. No real harm is being done, these are fictional characters and it doesn't matter what reason you enjoy it for - if it provides comfort to you and gets you through, then more power to you! This is more me sorting through my thoughts on the subject and is not a judgment on how others approach it. With that said, and in the spirit of full disclosure, this will go into slightly uncomfortable territory - picking apart the idea of destined love, the deconstruction of common romance tropes, how outside manipulation might play a part, and even the potentially incest-adjacent nature of the relationship. If you don't want to deal with any of that, you can stop reading right now, and that's okay. Please continue to enjoy Deltarune in the manner that is best for you, and thank you for your attention thus far :)

If you're still with me, then please click the read more and we'll get started.

Part 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After

The first thing you have to understand is that Deltarune is utterly determined to cram the notion of Kralsei down the player's throat. The game is not subtle about this in any way, shape or form. Everything from the narration, to the dialogue, to major game events, to item interactions, and even the roles that Kris and Ralsei play both in the story and the party, serves to reinforce the notion that these two are very likely to end up romantically involved with each other in some way.

Let's look at the characters first. Kris is portrayed as the noble knight - stoic, unwavering, courageous, a natural leader - clad in medieval-inspired plate armour and wielding a sword and shield. And Ralsei is the archetypal princess - demure, dainty, kindhearted, nurturing - who uses magic to heal his allies and pacify enemies.

I did not mistype there - Ralsei is a prince, but the characteristics associated with him are more commonly found amongst female healers in JRPGs. Think Fina from Skies of Arcadia, or Marle from Chrono Trigger (minus the temperment), and you might have an idea of what I'm on about.

Think of knights and princesses for a moment. Imagine St. George slaying the dragon to save a helpless damsel. Imagine Lancelot and Gwenevere. Robin Hood and Maid Marion. Link and Zelda. Squall and Rinoa. Every single fairy tale involving an imperilled princess and a knightly rescuer. For a more modern take, imagine The Bodyguard. Ness and Paula. I could go on, but then we'd be here all day.

Suffice it to say that there is a pretty entrenched tradition surrounding these archetypes - a male-coded, phsyically-adept, courageous, stoic, action-oriented figure, is paired with a female-coded, magically-adept (depending on the medium of course), less-physically-capable by comparison, emotional, and more passive foil. The (male-coded) knight protects and rescues, the (female-coded) princess nurtures and soothes.

It is a very, VERY emotionally-charged dynamic, by its very nature. Through their acts of service to their protectee, the Knight displays their devotion and care for the Princess, and is in turn emotionally-enriched and cared-for. There is a great deal of physical and emotional vulnerability between them, and it is therefore ideal for romance stories.

Look at Kris and Ralsei again, through this lens. Kris is immediately put into the role of Knight, and Ralsei quickly establishes himself as a classic Princess. Almost instantly, before you've even become aware of it, you've made the connection - they're going to fall in love, because that's what ALWAYS happens in these stories. Ralsei supports and encourages Kris, both in dialogue and in battle, and Kris...

...Kris, uh...

...they...

...hug Ralsei sometimes...?

...they... they give him a ribbon...?

...no, that can't be right.

But it is right, for two reasons. One, Kris doesn't have to do anything. The roles are already established, and Ralsei is playing his part like a pro. And two, Kris doesn't do any of those things in the first place - you do. It's the player who hugs Ralsei, who gives him the ribbon, who picks the dialogue options, who makes the connections. You're the Knight in this scenario, not Kris.

Because Kris doesn't get to make that choice. Kris has to do what you tell them to do. And many of us have already jumped to the conlusion that this romance is happening, becuase that's what always happens. The Knight and the Princess fall in love. They get married. They live happily ever after.

So we ship them, because hey, it's cute, and it's easy. I can't stress enough how easy the game makes this. I'm fairly convinced that Ralsei was designed by comittee, like the Funzo toy in that one episode of the Simpsons. Like he was created with the sole purpose of being the most disgustingly adorable, lovable, awkward little cinnamon bun that ever existed. Like he was created to generate the maximum emotional response in players. It's the cuteness response dialled up to 11, and we are almost hard-wired to want to protect this little bundle of fluff from any and all danger, because lookit how sweet and adorable he is! The glasses make his eyes look all big, his fluffiness is reminscent of that of baby animals, he stutters and fumbles his way through dialogue, and you just want to scoop him up and put him in your pocket or something.

And so, we're more than happy to fulfil the role of the Knight to Ralsei's Princess. Whether Kris actually wants to or not. Because it does become increasingly obvious that outside of our influence, Kris is still their own person, with their own goals and desires, but no real agency with which to pursue them. Would that we could know what they truly want, but we are never presented with an opportunity to find out.

The thing is, Kris is not particularly... knightly. They play pranks on their friends, they swipe sweet treats from their mother, they seem to enjoy getting a rise out of people, and particularly from Asriel, if the story about "dropping the lizard into the pit to jump higher" is any indication. They sleep through class, yet by Berdly's grudging admission they are the "third smartest in the class". The only reason they go to church is so they can drink the "sick fruit juice". They don't seem to have any issue with prank-calling their mom, while she's taking about them with their tutor, while they're standing just out of sight, while they're balancing a trash orb on their head.

Nothing about this behaviour screams "Knight." If anything, it would make more sense for Kris to have become a Rogue-type character upon entering the dark world. So the question remains - why is Kris forced into that role? And to what extent is the seemingly "fated" romance between Kris and Ralsei part of that role?

Folks, we have barely scratched the surface here. If I keep writing here this will become a novel, so I have to stop for everyone's sanity. But I will follow up soon, looking into the ideas of Purpose and Destiny and how they relate to Kralsei in-game. If you've stuck with me up to this point, let me just say thanks, because wow I wrote a lot here, and it's probably a bit rambly and says the same things two or three times, but I just. Had to get this onto the page in some way or another, so... here it is.

Thanks for reading, and see you in the next one :)

[some-pers0n]

hi hey just wanna let u know that i (this anon in particular) would always want to listen to your thoughts about The Thing youre excited about regardless of the reason or my knowledge or the time-space continuum!

YOU! Ohhh anon you poor soul. I'm terribly sorry. I have been holding onto this ask for a while, at least until the next time I felt as Energized about Them again. Shaking. Twitching. I don't quite know how to explain it. I can only take potshots at attempting to rationalize my thoughts behind them. With that said, here's more rambling about Engiemedic, the only thing I seem to care about

I've rambled about Engiemedic a fair amount of times before, either jokingly with goofy remarks about them or writing a giantass fic about them. They scratch a certain part of my brain that is difficult to really describe and pin-down.

Like I've never really "shipped" anybody before them. Did I like ships? Yeah sure of course. I've always liked considering relationships and thinking about how they intersect and are written. It's probably definitely the aroace bit of me talking, but I only really get involved in ships when there's really some substance to them.

It makes Engiemedic this weird fucked up anomaly to me then because what the hell do you mean that this decently popular non-canon pairing that's had all of like 30 seconds of shared screentime and maybe seven panels where they're in the same room at max has become so engrossing and fascinating to me. It's not like the usual ships where this happens to people; the ones with lengthy tragic tales tied to them or spend so much time with one another. It's just two silly guys

It just...perplexes me. It's odd. I can't describe what about it really draws me in, despite the fact I've written so much. I can at least try and figure out what it is though

I think the thing that made me first interested was simply the dynamic and jokes to be made. They are exceptionally silly, wherein I can fully believe them sticking together and doing weird experiments for hours upon hours. It's hard not to imagine them getting excited over whatever project they've been throwing themselves at. It's fun

Because ultimately both Engie and Medic are both unethical murderous science people, Medic obviously while Engie is a tiny bit more subtle. Their dynamic is interesting in that regard 'cause, when paired together, now you've got two weirdo freaky smart people tossing back ideas and before you know it now they're trying to create some sort of nuclear-powered contraption that explodes bones

It calls out to me in a way that other ships don't, especially Heavymedic. No shade to Heavymedic shippers out there, I think it's still a fun ship, but I don't find it as compelling with their dynamic. Heavy is a reasonable and level-headed guy. Yeah he kills people and laughs about their misery and whatever, but he's more stable than most other mercs. If Medic was to say "I want to self-isolate for days on end while I work to create the bubonic plague 2.0" Heavy would have concerns and try to stop him from doing it because What the Hell

Engie, however, would endorse it. I think Engie and Medic are very similar in that regard. They're dedicated to their crafts and understand the nuance and skill that it takes to partake in it. Engie obviously still has qualms and is there in case Medic clearly ain't right, but he's more likely to get caught up in whatever experiment that Medic is trying to do

Which brings me to my next point: the way they influence each other. When together, I think they are at their best and worst (morally at least). It's like that trope with two smart people coming together and being dumbasses, but instead it's with them making weird creations and doing odd experiments that ultimately do not benefit anyone. They simply do it for fun

On a more personal level, I think Medic draws out the parts of Engie where he tries to hide and represses. Headcanons, obviously, but I think Medic taps into Engie's more sinister nature as a maniac with a god complex and a hankering to kill and really draws it out. It's infectious and hard not to try and match his energy. Medic makes Engie want to get more creative with his projects and drives him to be more experimental and, of course, murderous

Likewise and, again, mainly headcanons, I think Engie helps Medic tap into a slightly more "human" side. I think Medic generally struggles with caring about other people, discarding them in favour of working on his own projects and being by himself. Engie is one of the first people he's encountered that not only likes him and enjoys his company, but is just as wacky and weird as he is. Engie is more charismatic and outgoing and, while still not too terribly great with the whole emotions thing, helps Medic out in case he's Not Doing Good

Their personalities intertwine so much they make me ever so slightly ill. They don't seem alike really at first glance. Medic is over the top, eccentric, and generally a giggly mad scientist. Clear to see the archetype he's based on. Yet, when you look past Engie's charming little quips about Texas, he's very much alike Medic. He has a god complex, is highly intelligent, morally bankrupt, etc and etc. He's just as eccentric and wacky as the doc is, but is only slightly better at keeping it under wraps

I just think they're really entertaining when put together honestly. Sure yeah I love me my angsty and fluffy stuff with them, but I think they're simply great when just working on some project and talking to each other. Their personalities bounce off of one another exceptionally well and it's hard for them not to get so caught up in their work that Oh No it's been Four Days and they haven't left the workshop/laboratory

Ultimately, yeah. I think they care about each other a lot that way. Their work is...intimate in a way. They're lab partners. They spend all of this time together, defying God's will with whatever unholy machination they've crafted, they got to have some sort of bond

What makes me happy is that I think a lot of people really like the concept of Engiemedic in any form. Platonic, romantic, whatever. I personally go for QPR stuff (something about their love being undefinable by normal standards blah blah), but I think it's a neat observation that makes me like it more. It's hard to deny that they're really fun together

Speaking of their connections, let's talk about their roles in the actual game. Y'all heard of the Heavymedic duo, with Heavy running around with a Medic pocketing him the entire time, but have you ever considered the Engiemedic duo?? Engie and Medic are the BACKBONES of this game honestly. All it takes is one Engineer or Medic on a team to shift the balance entirely. Everyone wants a good Engie and Medic, but it's a hard role to fill and nobody really wants it. However, they're needed. They're necessary. They're the main support roles of the game than, say, Sniper or Spy ever are. They're the underappreciated, yet incredibly vital parts of the team.

Honestly the Engiemedic duo is far more prevalent and makes far more sense than the Heavymedic duo, because tbh you can say that Medic is closely connected to any class. Soldiermedic duo where Solly just spams rockets and wipes out the entire team. Demomedic duo where Demo just spams pipes and annihilates every building. What makes the Heavymedic duo any special? God I'm sorry for being a little Heavymedic hater, I promise I think the ship is alright, but idk. I like Engiemedic a lot

Anywho, I think Engiemedic is extremely fun to write about as well as just generally experience. There's so much you can apply to them. It's hard to think of anything they can't do, really. They're great with humor, what with shoving them into a room with some cadaver and letting them have at it. They're great with angst because, with headcanons, they can be really heavily fucked up people trying to make things work. They're great with fluff because they're so silly and it's easy to think of them doing cute things with one another. The list goes on!

They're...special to me. They're certainly something. I could go into all sorts of other things too (more esoteric and metaphoric I'm talking), but eh who cares. I don't like delving too much into headcanons and my own weird readings with these more generalized rambles. I just think they're silly :]

[checkoutmybookshelf]

History, Characters, and Just a Little Bit of Magic

I discovered Juliet Marillier when I was in high school and was looking for literally *ANY* alternative to Twilight, because while I have nothing against vampires, I was not a Twilight girl. No shade to anyone who loved those books, they just weren't my cup of tea. I first found Wildwood Dancing with it's night people, frog prince, and dancing princesses (and we'll talk about that book someday), but today I want to talk about one of Marillier's adult trilogies. This trilogy follows Blackthorn and Grim as they work through life-changing trauma and find their way back to humanity--their own and others'.

First thing's first: This is an adult trilogy, and a few tirgger warnings appy. First and foremost, there is discussion of and recovery from sexual assault across all three books. I'm not going to get into it here, but take care of yourselves when choosing books to read and maybe steer clear from this trilogy if that topic is not a healthy thing for you to engage in just now. There is also some sacking-of-monastery-level graphic violence, and some absolutely screwey medieval dictatorial power dynamics that lead to gendered violence.

I loved these books, but I include trigger warnings because I would like y'all to be safe and healthy in choosing what to add to your TBR lists. The world is *a lot* right now, so anything that we can do to add some softness and gentleness and joy is important, and trigger warnings facilitate that.

With that bit of business out of the way, let me tell you about Blackthorn and Grimm.

Blackthorn reads a lot older than she actually is; by the time we catch up with her at the beginning of Dreamer's Pool, she's roughly early thirties, but we don't get that temporal marker until quite a ways in, and I'm not going to lie, I was FULLY a decade off in where I initially estimated her age. Blackthorne had her start as a healer who's abilities are greased with, perhaps, just a bit of magic. However, when we meet Blackthorn, she is in the deepest bowels of a men's prison and is, entirely reasonably, extremely cranky about it. Blackthorn has sharp, wounded edges, and watching those edges heal and lose some of their sharpness--although not all, never all, part of what you grow to love about her is the grouchiness that covers a startlingly soft heart--is one of the most compelling parts of the trilogy. Blackthorn is a protagonist who is allowed to be cranky, allowed to be nontraditional in so many ways, and has a certain je ne sais quoi that brought her and her story close to my heart.

If I were to describe Grim in one word...I wouldn't. I just quite simply wouldn't, because reductive, nuance-less pop descriptions do not and will never be appropriate for this trilogy. Grim is a man who is terrified of himself, and deeply ashamed of his past for reasons that do not become clear until the second book. Grim's emotional journey and his dealing with his own PTSD was incredibly compelling to watch, and even in the first book when we don't have the information to understand Grim's self-assessment, all you want to do is hug this man. In a world that is hard, unforgiving, and often unspeakably cruel, Grim is soft and kind in the best ways. Watching these characters interact and influence each other is a masterclass in recovery and rediscovering humanity.

For fully 95% of this trilogy, Blackthorn insists that there is no word for what she and Grim are to each other, and not going to lie, I fully spent 90% of the trilogy (and if you read the books you'll understand why that number should have been 65% absolutely maximum) thinking "Oh this is going to be an emotionally intimate but completely platonic relationship and I love this so much!" Reader, I was wrong. In hindsight, I would call this the slowest of slow-burn romances, but that feels like a woefully inadequate description of the relationship journey these characters go on. Literally, the first book starts with a fae-assisted jailbreak and the final book ends with a corruption trial. The trail from point A to point B is wild, wonderful, and a joy to read.

I picked up this trilogy during my recovery after grad school (the PhD killed my love of reading guys, and rekindling that was a JOURNEY) and publication, and I am so, so glad I did. It was a better fit than I could have ever imagined, and going and finding the rest of Marillier's back catalog really helped jumpstart my love of fun reading again.

[shihalyfie]

With Digimon Ghost Game starting, I thought about how different it is from previous Digimon series, though it's still undoubtedly Digimon... and then I realized all Digimon series are like that. So I wonder, what do you think sets each Digimon series apart from the rest?

I think both Ghost Game but also the reboot have been a wake-up call for people in terms of realizing that likes, dislikes, and tastes are subjective, and I think it's especially important in terms of this fanbase that is so obsessed with this idea you can objectively rank things by quality -- especially when each series is often deliberately trying to have its own identity, so it's arguably apples and oranges -- and forcing this idea of what's Good and Not Good on everyone else (especially when there's a nasty double standard phenomenon where Adventure and often Tamers get to be so impervious to criticism that people conveniently forget they're perfectly capable of being scrutinized for a lot of things they're weaker in). Very frustrating to see everyone who likes less popular series treated as if they have to accept that they like a "badly written series" for some things and everything else is a guilty pleasure, which I find to be incredibly dumb.

The most important take-home here is that the fact each series has its own identity is always going to be the main factor in what makes it "good" or not to you, not some arbitrary bar of comparison that's based on some narrow-minded view of "good writing" (which is usually unreasonably based on Adventure). For instance, the reason why 02 is so important to me is because (see below), to me, it has the highest amount of meaningful, important life lessons and themes that it wanted its audience to remember, to the point that I frankly do not care about where the plot goes in comparison. That may not be the case for everyone else, and that's fine, but should my tastes be called unreasonable for that? I think we're also coming to realize that because of Adventure (and kind of 02)'s precedent, so many people have been judging series purely by how intimate their individual character development style is, but this is unfair because Adventure and 02's ridiculous level of character depth to psychological detail is extremely unusual and unrealistic to expect of others; Adventure and 02 only achieved this by practically considering the plot utterly subservient to its character arcs, and it's arguably why they have some of the weakest "plots" in this franchise. It's so bizarre that I can see character development in other Digimon series that outstrips even most kids' anime on the market, but it's not as much as Adventure's so apparently it's bad. And, moreover, as it turns out, some people have priorities other than characterization; just because Adventure had that as its strength doesn't mean that's the only thing anyone should care about. Is the plot fun? Is there a meaningful message besides characters (also important to me)? Do you vibe with the tone being dark, or being silly? How much do you care about resourceful usage of Digimon lore? That kind of thing. Everyone is different, so that's why everyone has their own priorities. If you’re someone who prefers darker content, you may not realize that writing good and well-timed comedy is actually a very, very difficult task, especially when said comedy simultaneously has meaning (in comparison, it’s surprisingly easy to write “dark” but shallow content).

I think it's fair to like every Digimon series for its own thing, depending on your personal tastes. I can't speak for everyone, but my impressions are that it has to do with the following:

Adventure: Significantly easier to understand than 02 due to its more straightforward plot, and focus on individual character development ("individualism" being a strong point here). In terms of characters, it goes a lot into some very real social problems (the divorce around the Ishida and Takaishi families and the pressures surrounding Jou, for instance) in a very realistic manner. Also, it has that sense of mystique and absurdism to the Digital World that's both whimsical but also mysterious, and while 02 has it too, Adventure's the isekai story that has it the most.

02: The first is its focus on the importance of human relationships and the compelling group dynamic unparalleled in this franchise, and the second is its important themes and life lessons that I think are some of the strongest in said franchise. I have a whole tag for the ridiculous amount of nuance packed into every detail and dialogue line for this series, and I think every time I've rewatched an episode I've learned something new about it because there are so many things that clearly wanted to be said in each line. The entire series is basically an unpacking of the feelings of insidious self-hatred and the crushing feeling of being subject to society's expectations, and ones that are so deep-seated that you often don’t even have a single answer to how to unpack it (for instance, Miyako hardly has a tragic single event in her backstory, but she says and does a lot of things that'll be painfully familiar to those who have experienced chronic anxiety). Almost every plot point can be said to connect to each character arc in some way, and the mantras for appreciating and treasuring your own life and living life the way you will make this, in my opinion, the strongest series in terms of speaking to those who struggle with this kind of existential crisis for reasons of depression or otherwise. (Oops, I think I went too passionate about this; my biases are obvious...)

Tamers: I think it forms an interesting study and unpacking of the kinds of things you take for granted in Digimon or the monster-collecting genre in general, and an examination of how they'd work in a real-world context (although 02 had a focus on daily life, it didn't quite merge the Digimon and the real world factors until very late in the series). Also, probably the second highest on "hard sci-fi" (the only one that outstrips it is probably Appmon, but Appmon has a very different, more simplified take on it).

Frontier: A series that lies somewhere between Adventure's scale of individualism and 02's scale of group dynamic, and one more discussing the feeling of having your heart hardened from being an outcast, and what it takes to accept the idea of opening yourself up to others again. Recommended for those who like transforming hero and magical girl stories, too. From the Digimon perspective, also the one with the most detailed and consistent Digital World mythos.

Savers: I think this is the series that most drives home "life is complicated" (i.e. there isn't a single mastermind behind everything) in the most tasteful manner, because while it drives home the point that you can't just simplify everything into a good side and a bad side, some bad things really are evil (hi, Kurata), and it doesn't change the fact that everyone's responsible for cleaning up the fallout. The portrayal of the evils of government bureaucracy is probably the most realistic out of any of these series.

Xros Wars: For those who like fun, most of all! For those who like seeing Digimon finally get more of the spotlight and individuality since so much of it had been geared and biased towards the humans prior to this. For those who really like worldbuilding, and, after all, this is called Xros Wars, so it's interesting to see shakeups on the usual formulas in the form of the different factions and their priorities. Hunters is very different in tone, but I do think they have some of these aspects in common; that said, it being closer to having single partnerships brings it a bit closer in line to conventional Digimon partnerships, and it also has more of a picture of daily life. Also, as much as Tagiru is probably your-mileage-may-vary since he's not exactly a very nice kid (I get it if you don't vibe with that), which may also rub those hoping for not nice kids to become nice the wrong way, I do have to say I find him to be one of the funniest characters in this entire franchise, and you'd be surprised how hard good comedy is to write.

Appmon: Probably one of the strongest theme narratives besides 02, since it has a very clear and obvious theme about the importance of kindness in a world where technology is dominating and we're almost encouraged to strip the feelings out of everything. (Bonus for more straightforward plot than Adventure or 02 while still retaining a lot of its elements in terms of how to characterize them.) Also the first series to be speculative about the near future instead of taking place around the time it airs, and it's very obvious it wants to provide important and necessary commentary about what we need to do in the incoming era, especially as a lot of what it has to say becomes increasingly relevant.

Reboot: For those who like Digimon mythos and null canon -- this is probably the only series to show it off in this level of detail -- and the kind of cool action fights that would usually be saved for the climax in prior series (and animated in much more intimate detail with battle choreography than prior series would have). There are a lot of people into this franchise who felt like it genuinely was not making enough use of its Digimon roster and its potential because it kept going back to the old standbys (especially Adventure-based ones), so it was a huge relief for that crowd to see attention finally being paid.

[kkyujikoo]

These are my... 2...? Maybe 50, cents about the whole "freejk" thing. I'm gonna be extremely petty and at some points a whole lot sarcastic and it's gonna be long but I had to say it. As soon as I get my computer I'm gonna make it under read more, but the app does whatever it wants, as we know.

Listen, this ain't my first fan rodeo, and not even the first fan rodeo where I've been directly or indirectly accused of being some sort of pervert or delulu. I've been in fandom spaces since I was a teen, I was shipping mlm couples when queerbaiting in TV shows was still something that was seen as the norm rather than some cheap disgusting trick. I was there when fanfic spaces saw "slash" fics as something "different" and to be tagged with a more mature rating even when they just looked at each other.

I was in BBC's Sherlock's fandom and I shipped Johnlock during the hiatus between S3 and S4, at this point I'm not even feeling it when people call me delulu or a weirdo.

So, yeah, take this with a grain of salt: as a person who has seen thousands of times fandom drama unfolding and has lived too much of it... This whole situation is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. Like, yeah, it's maddening how people will blame anyone and everyone because they don't even see their own bias and homophobia, granted, but like... It also makes me laugh for the sheer dumbassery of the reasoning behind it all?

Like... Y'all are getting mad and for what? Because it sure as hell isn't the invasion of privacy, since y'all are watching the same content we're all watching and you're paying to see it the same way everyone else is. If you don't want to "invade their privacy", you should just... Stop watching content that isn't their music videos, RUN episodes or interviews. Memories and any kind of dvd/video that shows what they're doing behind the scenes shouldn't be part of their job as musicians, and therefore we're intruding in their privacy... Or aren't we?

Or maybe it's more nuanced than that: maybe the content they release on dvd/on their official channels is part of their job as entertainers, and it's been approved, and it's a small window THEY are granting us.

You know what's the REAL invasion of privacy and what REALLY invalidates someone autonomy? When you, who maybe aren't even paying to see that content (which is something I understand, like, dude, I'm not covered in money either), DEMAND what kind of behind the scenes content you want when I swear ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has asked you. Once again: you don't like it? You think it's some huge invasion of privacy? Don't buy it. Don't interact with it. Convince your friends to do the same. For all I care, just go and petition to boycott this kind of content. I know you won't do it, because... That's the thing, isn't it? It's not the invasion of privacy that bothers these people.

Y'all aren't mad because we get into their business or else you would have gotten real mad when we were privy to REAL private moments like people crying their hearts out.

No, no. Y'all are mad because it's "shipping content" and "fanservice" which apparently bothers you because it lacks authenticity.

Pick a side, lovelies: either you DON'T want to invade their privacy, and thus all the content they release should be focused on what fans want to see, or you WANT to know how they interact TRULY in private.

And here's the catch: "shipping content" can be anything. Shipping existed WAAAAAYYY before the word for it was invented, same way with fanfictions. Shipping means, literally, "seeing two (or more) people interact and thinking they would make a good romantic pair". That's it. That's quite literally it. Everything else is just some nuance of the concept of shipping, but at its core, it's nearly impossible to ban all shipping content when it's a group of seven people, because they should for real go in social distancing mode to do so. Most people who have parasocial relationships tend to have "ships" whether they know it or not, because we've all, at least once, looked at a dynamic from the outside and thought "oh man they look cute together". So, even if, o dear ones, your wishes were granted... What the hell do you mean by "shipping" content? Should they just film solo clips, avoiding talking about the other members? But wouldn't that be fanservice, since it's focused on pleasing the fans? (Which, ultimately, is what fanservice MEANS, and I hate to break it to y'all but the whole concept behind entertainment and thus all the content BTS releases it's... For the fans. Like, they're not going out of their way to just meet our expectations but they're certainly doing fanservice by the mere act of releasing bonus content.)

But it's not even quite that, is it? Because no one bats an eye if it's Tae kissing Nj's cheek. I've seen no hashtag against everyone - and I mean literally every one of them - wolf whistling at Nj. It's okay to show intimacy... Because they're bandmates and it's okay to be close to someone who you see basically 24/7, I hear you. And it's also okay when people see that and gush over that closeness, because it's such a nice thing to see.

Soooooo... We've got to free JK from whom exactly? From what?

Are y'all mad cause people pointed out there's very little way a bruise that stayed for a whole ass night could be a quick bite? Because that doesn't harm jk, at most makes fun of him and jimin and their poor excuses (seriously, guys, next time consider using mosquitoes or "I was doing stuff". It'll be equally embarrassing but at least the meme will be funny), and it's literally... A fair observation. Like. It's a hickey, people are gonna make jokes about seeing a hickey and poor excuses of covering it up in the exact same way they're gonna make jokes over jimin falling out of chairs. And yeah, a hickey is AT LEAST something that happens in a sensual context. Like, I could understand "people who are extremely familiar with each other will have different body language/touch in areas where usually you wouldn't see friends touching each other", but that's not. Not a hand on the thigh. It's a hickey on the neck. I don't even know a more stereotypical placing for a hickey. But once again, are y'all mad because someone is pointing it out? Because that's not being delulu or even being a shipper, really, it's just commenting on something that was approved to be shown and discussed in something that was released BY THEM.

Are y'all mad at hybe for showing something that literally fell onto their hands? Cause like, unless someone (I'm counting on Jimin, since as we know Jungkook was busy spinning him round and round and had both his hands busy) called at hybe headquarters to say "yo bang pd substitute, is it okay if I give my friend jk here a hickey? Cause he's being really annoying rn and he has to pay", I highly doubt anyone expected Jungkook to come to rehearsal all neatly marked up. Or idk, maybe someone at hybe asked them "we need Jungkook to come in with a hickey but refuse to say it's a hickey, so that fans will feel reeeeally served." That sounds perfectly plausible too. Or a good marketing strategy.

Now, if you're a big company and your objective is to have some footage of the rehearsals for a concert, and the fandom is too good at noticing stuff for their own good, and one of your artists comes in with a very visible mark, and he and his bff bropal4lyfe come n with a story about how they were playing and a bite happened, you've got three choices: 1. Cut the artist out of aaaaalll the footage. Someone would have noticed the "bite mark" anyway, you best believe that. If you don't want anyone to notice it, you gotta cut him in most of the footage where it's visible. 2. Keep the hickey, discard the explanations. You could do that, but also it would feel a lot more unfaithful to everyone involved. Also they clearly worked their ass off to invent an explanation, come on! They truly tried to do their best inventing something that was not "it's a mosquito bite", they should get some credit! 3. Keep the bite, keep the explanation.

Notice how none of these solutions include the biting never happening because... They couldn't prevent it? The only thing they have any control over is how they're framing each "accident". And that's not an easy job.

I applaud you, people on the editing team.

So... On whom should we cast the blame now? Ah, yes, I think it's finally time for the ultimate scapegoat of this fandom: Jimin. Which is funny, cause... You know... If this were really about privacy, or being "victims" of shipping... This should be about freeing him too, you know? But obviously Jimin does it for attention, while Jungkook, poor angel that he is, doesn't even know what shipping is.

Furthermore, don't we all know how much Jimin imposes himself in Jungkook's life? To the point where he, multimillionaire man feels compelled to share a car with Jimin even if they're both late in the process. And can't you see how uncomfortable he is, draping himself over Jimin, making Jimin drap himself over him?

Oh lordy, truly such an awful eight years Jungkook spent, choosing to have vacations with someone who made him uncomfortable, spending free time with him, even having to suck his ear in public to the point you can see his saliva just because Jimin was sad :( truly an all-around bad time for Jungkook, as evidenced by alllll those times when he said Jimin was pretty, cute, and all-around knowing every little thing about Jimin. I absolutely concur, the dude would be so much more happy if jimin was not in his life.

Did that sound weird and absolutely ridiculous and a really absurd joke? Because that's what y'all sound like to me. Like. Jungkook is out there living his best life, getting hickeys and showered in affection and y'all paint him as a fucking martyr??? I'm sure he's really truly desperate that Jimin holds him in such high regards 😭😭😭 I can see him suffering whenever he starts doing his own serendipity rendition 😭😭 and when he claimed you are me, I am you as his and Jimin's only 😭😭😭 I cannot believe this poor baby 😭😭😭

I've reached a point where every time I hear this stuff I laugh because the levels of twisting reality when it comes to jikook are extraordinary, Jungkook will have a literally blissed out face and people will cry in outrage.

But coming back to my point: let's pretend you're not mad at Jimin and the possibility that jikook are dating: are y'all mad... At the hickey? Because at this point it seems like the only feasible solution. And if you are, do not worry: I'm sure Jungkook's skin was throughly healed by his boo. A kiss soothes even the worst pain, doesn't it?

[heartandfangs]

Omg follow up on my other ask: I’d really love to know more about the whole creative process, like how you maintain the believability & essence of your characters in your stories, also how do you come up with the little nuances?? 😭 I feel like writing characters (especially maybe introverted ones) in a complex way can be so hard

You’re the first to ask me for writing advice so I’ve been looking forward to answering this 😆 Even though I just write for fun I love talking about creative processes. Sorry if this is long, but I could still discuss it even more lol. For you and anyone else, feel free to ask me more questions if you're curious! Always happy to talk about this.

Programs that I use are Google Docs (for that autosave feature baby, fuck writing on Tumblr), Grammarly (but I still find typos after posting rip), Theasaurus.com (I repeat words too much), any music app (IOU has its own playlist that I'll even listen to when I'm not writing), & Pinterest (for vibes + moodboards). I'm constantly switching between these tabs. When it comes to writing scenes I make sure it's something that engages me while writing and if it's boring to me, I'll scrap it or rework it after sitting on it for a bit. ✍️

Usually, if an un-written scene is haunting me over the course of several weeks, I have to write it; IOU Part 5 started with the scene where Heeseung can't hold himself back from kissing MC’s neck while dancing and then I just asked myself how did we get here, and what comes after? (Always easier said than done)

I have so much fun with stereotypes + tropes but I also love characters that are a little more grounded in reality; so I try to achieve that by imbuing them with characteristics/mannerisms that I’ve seen in people from irl experiences or myself. For these nuances, you can even get inspired by specific media/characters that you love to read/watch about.

I’d recommend making a list of your favorite characters + stories and jotting down a few bullet points of what you love about them, for whatever reasons. From there, you can create character dynamics that you enjoy, and if you enjoy writing about it, there are bound to be people who will enjoy reading it!

When I write, I draw a lot on experience, then I put a twist on it; it just comes easier that way to me. IOU is definitely pwp, but I like building up the tension a bit before giving out the goods hehe, that’s where characters come in with their weirdly unique selves to make the twist on reality happen.

It’s all about that balance to craft a character that works for your story and then the tension in their relationships with others. I'd say the tension between characters and their personal flaws is what makes something compelling to read.

I’m an introvert through and through, so my MC’s lean that way a lot lol. I’ll point out some examples of how I convey MC’s + Heeseung’s introversion below! (Gotta preface that not all introverts are relegated to this sort of behavior, this is just based on behaviors in myself and introverts I’ve come across) I've taken a class on personality psychology and used to dive deep into MBTI, which also helps.

Compare Heeseung’s interactions with MC vs Jay; he’s awfully stand-offish with Jay and reserved, but it's heightened due to jealousy. He’s an observant guy and tends to think/calculate before proposing anything— and of course, he’s extremely in tune with MC even when she’s not quite so with herself. Heeseung in IOU is learning how to be a bit more transparent/action-oriented with his feelings, but only where he believes it counts.

MC is shy and polite/friendly with Jay, but with Heeseung she teases him a bit more and lets down her guard without worrying about social niceties; but even then, she’s still a bit conservative with her true feelings. While she gets stuck in her thoughts often, Heeseung understands and knows how to draw her out of it.

She prefers her alone time to recharge over hanging out with a rambunctious Jake but makes an exception for Hee who has already won her over as a friend. MC's incredibly honest with Jake about her feelings though, but he values it even if it hurts. Still, he has to retaliate in his own little ways, and he excels at bringing out MC's trait of impulsivity which is... interesting.

[demoiselledefortune]

Post canon sangcheng fic recs for @runespoor7

(wooohoo that’s only 25 fics haha)

Silence by inberin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441771

a conversation in the snow.

Wonderfully nuanced characterisation. It hints at whole relationship and dynamic with a lot of delicacy.

Windrose by offlight

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18997546

Nie Huaisang is forced into a coma to stop his qi deviation. Jiang Cheng is tasked with waking him up.

There’s a lot of intriguing dreamscapes in this one, and I love Jiang Cheng (and in the background Wei Wuxian)’s desperation and obstinacy.

All the innocence we give by shamiran

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18864910

Learning to renavigate the ground between them is easier than Nie HuaiSang expects. It's also harder than he could have imagined.

Just a sweet story.

Taste the wine off your lips by ExNihiIo

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129245

A light pat lands against his back, and a cup of water is pushed in front of his face. “Not even Zi Shi, and you’re already tipsy?,” asks a teasing voice, while a thin hand puts down the cup. Jiang Cheng coughs a little more, shaking his head, and sends a dirty look at his host. “I am not tipsy.” “Hm, and yet your cheeks are all red. What would your disciples think, if they saw you in this state?” “They’d think about running away while they can. I can break legs more easily than I can drink alcohol.” A smile curves the edges of Nie Huaisang’s mouth, and he closes his fan with a curt jerk, sitting across the table. He’s wearing lighter clothes, Jiang Cheng notices, compared to the ones he had during the Discussion Conference. Where those had been tight and rigid against his body, these now fall softly on him, the large sleeves sweeping delicately as Nie Huaisang moves to pour himself a cup.

I like the melancholy tone of this one.

The light of autumn: you will not be spared by crooows

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19901467/chapters/47138221

Nie Huaisang arrives a week early for the conference which will be held in Yunmeng to discuss the position of chief cultivator.

[Title is from a poem called "October" by Louise Glück!]

A bit funny, a bit melancholy

You can run but you can’t hide by ThirtySixSaveFiles

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21119297

Nie Huaisang has noticed something about the way Jiang Cheng takes compliments; Nie Huaisang has a theory, and he intends to test it out.

Just Huaisang figuring out Jiang Cheng has a praise kink. Established pairing.

Evening Bloom by dragonofeternal

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20958518

Jiang Cheng is spry and lithe well into his twilight years, living well off Wei Wuxian's stolen youth; Nie Huaisang's golden core, on the other hand, has always been poor- he blacks his hair with ink and dyes, hides the pudge of indolence and the wrinkles of age behind the latest fashions and the finest fans. Perhaps for their peers, finding the space to be vulnerable came easy, but for them it's taken this long to maybe think of letting someone in.

I have a big weakness for stories about old people falling in love and this is one delivers very sweetly.

Four Days in Lanling by Halotolerant

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21722695/chapters/51817036

Nie Huaisang looks at him. ‘You are confusing me, Clan Leader Jiang, perhaps I misunderstand, but…’

‘You didn’t misunderstand. You don’t misunderstand. You understand all of it.’ For six months Jiang Cheng has been mulling this over, and now with Nie Huaisang in front of him he can’t figure out if he most wants to knock him down or kneel at his feet. What he does is try and breathe. Clench his hands at his sides. ‘And now I am going to ask you to do something for me. You have to do something for me. You have to help Jin Ling.’

Ok so perhaps it’s misrepresentating to call this a post canon fic  since most of the action is mid-13-years-of-WWX-death but the fairly important framing part is post canon. Also it’s one of the best sangcheng fic out there and a must read.

Shadow eternal by rynleaf

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162944/chapters/55439032

“You want me to distract the Chief Cultivator from the Annual Cultivation Conference, so you and other sect leaders can… what. Sign contracts without adult supervision?”

“If Jiang-zongzhu is amenable,” Sect Leader Ouyang repeats with a nod.

Jiang Cheng pinches the bridge of his nose. The pressure he felt building behind his eyes all morning is swiftly coalescing into a bitch of a headache. “Just what do you all think I’m capable of?”

Sect Leader Ouyang bows with a cheerful smile. “We have utmost faith in Sandu Shengshou’s abilities.”

-

In which a night hunt ends in disaster, Jiang Cheng catches a glimpse of Nie Huaisang's heart, and feelings are discussed after a certain fashion.

One that’s between sweet and angsty.

The way is shut, and we cannot go back by saltedpin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23592523

One month since Guanyin Temple, and some people are coping better than others (or not).

This one is a mostly sad and bitter take on Jiang Cheng reacting to Nie Huaisang’s plot (and being very drunk).

Living memory by ghosthouses

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24827980

Once Jin Guangyao has left, he gives himself two indulgences. The first, a day to scream in his rooms made soundproof with a talisman. The second, a physical list written in code, to keep his older self, who will have let the pain dull with time, accountable for what must be done.

It has only two commandments:

He will die.  

and 

He will know.

Nie Huaisang puts it in his sleeve with the intention of keeping it with him at all times, to be added to but never reduced, a living memory of his task.

This and its prequel which you should also read is quite short but probably one of my favorite depictions of their dynamic (and probably one I find most plausible).

What’s Left of us by cangse-sanren

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24979081

“Well,” Huaisang tries hesitantly, “both of us seem to have a rather fraught relationship with things like older brothers and the concept of betrayal. And regret,” he adds as an afterthought. "Perhaps you just understand me more than most."

Yet another that dwells into Jiang Cheng reacting to Nie Huaisang’s plan. I really like that take although it’s barely shippy (and quite short).

Descending by lightningwaltz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25296595

“I want to… to not be embarrassed.”

“To not be embarrassed during what?”

“During sex.” There. Jiang Cheng can say it. “In general. Also with you right now.”

“Very good.”

“When did you become so authoritative?” Jiang Cheng wants to sound irked, but can’t quite manage anything beyond nervous curiosity.

Very interesting fic and in many ways unusual. I’d say it’s hypnosis kink, but it’s much more character driven than that. With a context of established FWB arrangement between Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang.

Tell him that I miss our little talks by xiaolongbaobei

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232023

the post-canon fic where Jiang Cheng becomes the Chief Cultivator, realizes that it's not too late to fall in love and learns to ask for what he wants

Longish fic exploring Jiang Cheng as Chief cultivator working with Nie Huaisang and slowly falling in love with him. I adore this one, and not only because I love fics that explore the idea of Jiang Cheng as chief cultivator.

Blind for Love by manamune

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760272

Jiang Cheng is poisoned with an aphrodisiac and needs to orgasm repeatedly in order to flush it from his system.

The first person he thinks of going to for help is Nie Huaisang, who does what any good friend would do: he shoves his three decades worth of feelings for Jiang Cheng deep into the recesses of his mind, locks them up so he can pretend they don’t exist, and then fucks him so hard that he passes out.

Mostly a long smutty piece, but with a lot of fun character bits along the way.

A Tight-Knit Family by aldalin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25500481/chapters/61862899

“Jing Ling, we need to talk.”

Jin Ling has too many uncles, and he’s about to get another.

Sect Leader Jiang announces his marriage to Sect Leader Nie.

A fairly different take, more focused on Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian reacting to Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang’s relationship.

A trip to Qinghe by Scorpiwriting

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974741

An unexpected hunt forces Jiang Cheng to leave the Lotus Pier a bit earlier than he had anticipated, so he decides to send Jin Ling to Qinghe, for the sake of not sending him back to Lanling so soon: it turns into a learning experience for the young sect leader, who gets to peek into the life of the Headshaker.

or.

Jin Ling learns that not everything people say is true and that perhaps there is some merit to art. He also learns that loneliness is a dark beast and that his uncle should definitely do something about it.

Another one more focused on Jin Ling’s reaction to it. Honestly more of a gen piece about Jin Ling and Nie Huaisang, but an interesting one.

Silver bracelets on their wrists by mercurious

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25797715

“Can’t I find excuses to visit an old friend?”

Ok so this one is a bit fucked up in interesting ways. It combines Chief Cultivator Jiang Cheng and explicit longing about Wei Wuxian, and BDSM as catharsis. It’s a fascinating piece.

Welcome to love by amphigoric

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412866/chapters/53549794

Desire, Jiang Cheng learned, flourished even in love’s absence. It surged hot and fast through his veins at the sight of Nie Huaisang’s spread thighs, marks still lingering from the last rendezvous they had. He felt it burning through his chest as Huaisang raked lines down his back, breaths coming in short, desperate gasps: “Jiang Wanyin, Jiang Wanyin, please, please.”

It’s a little bit clumsy at times, but also very passionate and intense in a way I still find compelling. Featuring a lot of self sabotaging Jiang Cheng.

When your stitch comes loose by heyninja

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27868454/chapters/68234434

Sometimes people see you for who you really are. Sometimes because you let them. Sometimes whether you like it or not.

A triptych of collisions between Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng.

Only the last part is post canon but it’s the most important part, isn’t it?

Peel your heart like a pomegranate by Izumi_silverleaf

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29458974

"It's an extraordinary feeling when parts of your body are touched for the first time. I'm thinking of the sensations from sex and surgery."

Sometimes you just need to read a very hot guro fic. It’s a weird fic but it’s a cool one.

If you give a Nie a cushion by LesbianLazerOwl

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29470236

Prompt: Long enough After Canon that everyone's mostly okay these days, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang get drunk and wind up comparing masturbation habits; each is aghast at how the other spends their personal time.

Funny and hot

To Distraction by isozyme

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27763816

It’s the third night of Yunmeng’s kite festival celebrations. Nie Huaisang has come visiting, eager to partake in the food, the arts, and Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng wants to forget. Nie Huaisang has some new lube and wants to see if he can put his whole fist in somebody’s ass.

Established pairing in which Nie Huaisang fists Jiang Cheng. It’s hot.

Safe in Your arms by Dragon_scribe

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070503/chapters/74058315

In the aftermath of a night hunt gone (very) wrong, Jiang Cheng wakes up to find himself in the Unclean Realm. As he recovers from his injuries, he and Nie Huaisang grow closer and as time passes, their friendship begins to shift to something more.

Very sweet/sappy and hurt/comfort orientated, with a small bit of reconciliation dimension too.

[princesscrownprince]

ESTELLE, I LEGIT DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START. THERE’S SO MUCH I WANNA SAY.

First, as soon as you sent me that ask I was immediately hooked onto Lukas, and eventually all of your OC’s too. But my love and appreciation for your writing style definitely started with Lukas. It’s rare for me to find someone who has such a simple, yet compelling way of narrating things. You’re also not afraid to break the fourth wall a little bit, which allows room for a ton of humor in your writing. Honestly, this style has inspired me so much that I began to do it a little too. Okay, maybe a lot. And the amount of feeling you put into it? Omg. That really hits different. You’ve made me want to explore Ruki’s feelings more in my own writing. Gosh, you’ve just inspired me to do so much. Even switch to literate RP, HAHAHHAHA. I’m so happy you sent me that ask. 😭

There is so much to learn from your style as another writer whose first language is English in this community. Not saying there is anything wrong with English as a second language, but now it feels like there is someone who I can look up to and improve my own writing with the more I roleplay with you, so thank you for that. It’s made me really want to step up my roleplay game, since you’d be the first writer I’ve interacted with so much who knows the nuances of the language.

Second, you have so many great ideas and I am excited to see more from you. Honestly, no one has ever got me interested in their OC’s as quickly as you. Maybe it’s something to do with how dense their character info is, or the nuances to how you write them, or perhaps a mix of both. Unfortunately, I can’t even put my finger on it. All I know is that you know how to get someone hooked on your characters which is no easy feat. It makes me want to make Ruki take care of them in his own weird sadistic way. Especially Lukas for hopefully obvious reasons.

Third—and I’m sorry to make it about Rukas—I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SHIP WE’VE MADE, AHAHAHA. RUKAS SUPREMACY, OR SIMPREMACY, WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT. It excites me everyday to see where they will go next. Sorry my boy is taking a long time to warm up to, btw. I just find it more rewarding to crack the tough nut that is Ruki LMAO. They’re so cute together, I just adore them with all my heart. Something about their dynamic just really makes me root for these two with all my heart. You don’t understand how hard it is for me to make Ruki act like such a cold bitch HAHAHAHHA. It’s always so tempting to make him drop the act altogether. But no, I must remain in character—plus, it’s more rewarding this way. It makes the sweeter moments that come after more sweet, I hope. Lukas is such a sweetheart, honestly. At first honestly I was scared for my boy, but now I’m just screaming at my devices like “KISS ALREADY.” Eve who??? I only know Rukas. Also, I am super curious to see how they tackle each other’s problems together. Whenever that day comes, it will be heartwarming to write/read about, I’m sure of it. Thank you for allowing me to show different sides of Ruki through his interactions with the Alischer twins. It’s been such a blast so far, and the amount of excitement I feel to reply to you is insane. It’s really rekindled my love for roleplaying/writing, as someone who hasn’t really written anything for fun until 6 months ago.

Lastly, this isn’t really about your writing or muses anymore, but thanks for being such a kind, dear friend. T_T You’ve really brightened my life!! Again, thank you so much!

🎀 ADMIN SPEAKS 🎀

Well fuck me sideways, I'm speechless as fuck! HAHAHA! Damn, man... I never really expected to receive that much praise nor excitement towards my OCs. I'm really glad that you have come to love Lukas a lot and his relationship with Ruki. I, myself, truly enjoy roleplaying their progress and interactions. They're quite the GOLDEN PAIR, don't you think? Wink wonk.

And thank you for liking my writing style. In all honesty, I just write whatever comes to mind and whatever sounds good together, so whenever you point out my writing style, I became rather speechless as I don't even realize that aspect of my own writing. So thank you again for that.

I'm glad to have sent you my ask, and I thank you for getting me into DL RP.

I wish I could say more, but I'm seriously just so speechless out of shock and gratefulness. I suppose the rest of my words could be found in your ask box. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me as well. I hope our friendship continues on for a long time.

[lilyhoshikawa]

🎥🎶💕🏳‍🌈💎 for hunters perhaps? >:3c

Oh golly! Ok fndkfnfn let me do this then. This may be difficult-

🎥: Do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

This is hard bc I have a lot of scenes I like and good scenes keep happening dhdjfn.

There are a lot of stand-outs so far. Among them is definitely like, the confrontation in the car between Blake and Sakio, and the recent social link scene with Blake and Lena on the boat.

Scenes that DON’T involve my own character that I adore include. The scene with Sakio and Camellia at the graveyard. The scene with with Lena and Twitch outside the store. The Sammy’s scene where they read Tango’s letter. Also the scene with Sammy and Masumi bc it was just extremely funny.

🎶: If your hyperfixation has songs / an OST, what is your favorite song from it?

Hm. Well time once again to advertise my Blake playlist, which I’m constantly putting a lot of work and thought into tbh dhjddb, I’ve deleted a fair number of songs from it when I feel they don’t fit, and I’m constantly messing with the order of the songs in relation to Blake’s prospective characters arc, and adding more as I find them fndkfnf I’m always on the lookout.

Also, vane is constantly updating the official playlist with some real bangers, and I appreciate that. Amil’s and Twitch’s themes are real good.

💕: Tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

Everybody has really really good characters, heck. One thing that strikes me is that even with taking the backseat and having to be on autopilot for several sessions, Camellia still has such a strong and distinct personality, to the point where everyone is on the same page abt them, and I think that’s just really amazing dhdjfjf, that’s how strong an impression they make every time they’re around.

Lena is also so good, she’s like… I think abt her frequently. Sometimes I just start giggling when I think abt Lena, bc she is a national treasure, and I hope she knows I care abt her. She’s great in this way that she’s both very funny/cute and also has a lot of depth and nuance to her arc, and I’m so excited for more.

In the same vein, Sammy. No one character has made me go from giggling to sobbing as fast as this green goat. One moment Sammy is making their cat do a little greeting and I’m rolling on the floor from the cuteness, and then the next second they’re crying and saying they don’t want to be left behind, and then I am also crying. How do they do it. The absolute range.

I also really appreciate Ilse like, particularly in contrast to Blake sometimes, in that Ilse is very smart in a way that’s quiet, self-conscious and careful, while Blake is at times recklessly arrogant, and those two bounce off each other well. Ilse feels mature at times but every time they quietly like, try to be the bigger person, or to not make a problem of themselves, I wanna give them a hug and be like “u deserve to be recognized and acknowledged and u deserve better” dhdjdndjdn. When u have big personalities like Sakio and Lena and Blake in the party there’s something compelling abt Ilse being with them and not asserting themselves as they try to do their best, if that makes sense, and I want them to know I see and appreciate them.

Sakio is also so good and I’ve talked abt this to vane plenty before but holy shit. There’s so much obvious care and love and effort and skill that went into writing a character who is both wrong in many ways, and who many player characters antagonize for good reason, and yet still so incredibly sympathetic, so likable and so compelling. The fact that both Blake and Lena have this relationship with Sakio where they don’t like or trust her, necessarily, but also can’t deal with her not being there, is so fucking good, it creates such powerful conflict in the smallest of ways. Sakio is great bc I love her and I understand her and I appreciate her, but I also wanna yell at her and think she is absolutely horribly wrong about incredibly crucial things and u can FEEL that turmoil in her as well, with her knowing on some level that her actions are going to cause harm, and she’s just waiting and hoping to take the fall, thinking, maybe foolishly, that she can, and that doing so will save everyone else.

I also fucking love so many minor characters we haven’t seen much of so far. I absolutely love Bee and I’ve told vane abt this but she’s just a total icon. Theo is also great, he is the only valid he/him in the entire campaign djdkfj. I love Twitch as well and I’m very excited for some of the interesting stuff in Twitch’s arc that has been hinted at coming to fruition later on, that’s very exciting. I’m also very excited to learn more abt Amil’s whole deal, I appreciate them a lot and I feel bad every time I have to make Blake come pester them fndkfnf. Oh also Prim, how did I forget Prim… what’s going on with her, I have no idea, but she’s a mean lady and my love for mean ladies is well-documented. Also her look is iconic. Also also Puck, the fact that he’s a child and I didn’t know it for several months shocked me to my core but it has made his brand of Shakespearean mischief that much more endearing, and now I seek only to give him snacks and let him sit in his funny garbage throne. I forgot abt Puck earlier so I’ll say he is the second valid he/him in the campaign but frankly I think Puck should take some neopronouns for a spin, he deserves it.

🏳️‍🌈: Do you have any headcanons (LGBT, race, neuro, etc.) that are important to you?

(*throws neurological disorders at Blake*) jdkdnfkf no but jokes aside. I love that this party is like, 5 player characters, 4 of whom use they/them. Just. The raw power of a persona series written by LGBT+ ppl…

I can’t speak on other ppl’s characters too much but as for Blake, they’re a closeted transfem and also too much of a disaster for a coherent sexuality but probably bi. Autistic, and an abuse survivor who experiences paranoid delusions and self-destructive tendencies. Probably more, but specifics are messy, they’re a fucking mess, what’s going on with them, they don’t even know.

Masumi is a binary trans lesbian, also an abuse survivor and manages quite a bit of paranoia of her own, dealing with mood swings and occasional delusions of grandeur, most of it she keeps internally managed which isn’t great for her mental health.

💎: Are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

Blake’s original characterization was thought up prior to the campaign and was very different from their finished characterization. They lived on a farm with their parents and were pretty quiet and passive before being arrested for a murder they didn’t commit (this part is the same) and their personality was way more quiet, reserved and passive, with the whole celebrity aspect completely absent. They were still going to be the sort of clever leader type character but leaned far more into the background. Their design was also different, with their hair in a low ponytail rather than high and scars on their face from scrapes and accidents working on the farm.

I realized that, even though this character was more of an original idea than Masumi (who I was playing in another campaign at the time and who was characterized somewhat differently as well) I didn’t find myself excited to write them, couldn’t get invested in them in the same way, and as I kept workshopping them I decided to be more self-indulgent and lean more into shamelessly making them an Akechi expy in more ways.

And what resulted from that, ironically, is what I feel is a better character in the end. Blake feels more dynamic, lively and interesting now than the old iteration I first thought up, back when I was intent on making them My Own Creation with their own arc. At this point I’m comfortable saying that Blake, for all their similarities to Akechi, has evolved over the course of the campaign into a more interesting character, into someone I recognize as distinctly different and who stands out. They feel unique to me, and feel like my own character. And I think that only could’ve happened through playing them in a TTRPG like this, in developing them along with others, and having to adapt, and I think that’s the beautiful thing about developing characters with other people. The Blake I’ve ended up with is one I’m really happy with, who I feel is more interesting and dynamic to me than if I had just tried to force something unique just to not feel cringe about making an expy. And maybe I need to learn that lesson before I go through the same thing with Zee fjdkfnf.

[ronbegleyformayor]

So this is going to be a long post—your question gets to the larger topic that is episode 100. Also to anyone reading this I would appreciate if you took a minute or two to read the whole thing—I purposefully waited a while to respond to this so my response would come across as measured as possible.

So anyone plugged into queer theory and media has probably heard of the term “bury your gays”. It’s a trope that goes at least as far back as lesbian pulp fiction novels from the early 20th century, and for a number of reasons that I’m not remotely qualified to comment on the trope has persisted into modern media. As the name implies, bury your gays is the implicit belief that for a story about gay people to end correctly, usually one or both members of a gay couple are killed before the it ends. Whether intentional or not, the trope is rooted in the idea that gay couples are not supposed to be together, that queer love is a temporary fantasy that must be righted by the end of the story. A weird kind of offshoot of this is the causing of gay characters to suffer through loneliness or separation from a partner, and it comes from the underlying idea that gay=alone. Frequently this manifests in queer characters feeling that they have to choose between family and friends and the “"gay lifestyle”“ when in reality those two things frequently are not mutually exclusive. A subset of this trope is featuring a gay character (or frequently the partner of a more-established gay character) as possessed by some form of “evil” to emphasize which side of the temptation is “correct” and which isn’t.

I’m guessing you can see what I’m teeing up here, so I’ll just add as a caveat that most writers (especially straight writers) do not necessarily agree with the homophobia behind these tropes, nor is it (usually) their intent to perpetuate negative stereotypes about gay people. That being said the legacy of this trope is alive in a lot of media, and intentional or not: gay people suffering is entrenched in how we think about writing them.

Now to be extra clear, I’m not (necessarily) saying this is what King Falls is doing. So far the writing of queer themes and homophobia has been nuanced and has avoided a lot of the pitfalls that have come to be expected, but I would also be lying if I didn’t say episode 100 didn’t rub me the wrong way, and for a couple of specific reasons, too.

For me what that boils down to is characterization and timing.

Let’s talk about characterization first.

Just think about this for a second: what do you know about Jack Wright? No really, can you name anything beyond the bare minimum of characteristics? He’s a journalist and radio host, has a belief in the paranormal, and loves Sammy. He has a sister and a fiancé, has black hair and brown eyes, and plays rugby. I can’t think of a single other concrete fact we’ve learned about him specifically, and being generous like less than half of the things on that list don’t directly have to do with Sammy. Now we could extrapolate bits of his personality based on the two very short clips we’ve ever heard of him and from what’s implied by Sammy and Lily, but that’s also kind of the point: everything we know about Jack Wright is almost exclusively based off his sister and his fiancé, both of whom are anything but unbiased. Did you notice how Lily trashed Sammy and Jack’s radio show in the first King Falls Chronicles but then went on to call Jack smart and prolific in his field like five minutes later? It’s a(n understandable) level of cognitive dissonance for someone who was going through the difficult process of grieving. Both Sammy and Lily are biased sources of information because both care very deeply for Jack. On it’s own that really isn’t a problem—in fact I would say it’s an opportunity for an interesting bit of narrative contrast between the perception of Jack and the reality of when we actually get to meet him.

That at least was my opinion.

Instead we have this ”“dark”“ version of Jack, a lover just out of reach who’s trying to tempt Sammy into leaving his family and friends for the “freedom” of the void. This is a situation that, if I’m being honest, has some homophobic tinges, and hearing the dialogue played out the way it was kind of made my stomach turn (and not in the fun, scared-to-death at 3AM way I’m used to).

Now please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t think this is what the writers were intending, nor do I think that there is anything necessarily wrong with having a normally good character occupy a “bad guy” role. When done correctly it can be interesting and compelling, and help tease out different aspects of a character or relationship dynamic. The issue isn’t that we’re seeing a “bad” version of Jack, the issue is that a. the specific wording of his interaction made my homophobia alarm bells go off, and more critically b. this “bad” version of of Jack is the only true version of him we know. Having him in a “bad” role outside his norm would be interesting if we actually had a real-time, in-person Jack with which to compare him. We might have a constructed idea of who he is from descriptions of biased sources close to him or tapes that are probably a decade old, but we only need to hear from this ”“shadow”“ Jack two more times and it’ll be more times than we’ve heard even recordings of the real Jack.

Emily, for example, had a baseline character established before her abduction. We got to know her as a character before she went missing, so when we eventually saw her as a different version of herself, we had a baseline understanding of how she typically acts in a situation, which is something we just don’t have with Jack.

Also, do you notice how Jack never directly spoke to Lily? He talked about her, but never to her, and can we take a moment to appreciate the gravity of that moment? Jack (or whatever was controlling him) had the opportunity to lure one of the four members of the "named” in the prophecy in the book, and instead of choosing his sister, the person he has known for his entire life and the only flesh and blood family with whom he’s in contact, and he chose to lure Sammy instead, to make Sammy choose between a gay relationship and the support system he’s built up.

Can you understand why this kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth? It feels a little like the “love the sinner” (Jack), hate the sin (being “bad”, trying to make Sammy have to decide between romance and a family), and that’s an adage that queer people tend to get tired of really quickly.

Again, because I really don’t want to be misunderstood, I don’t think this is what the writers intended; in fact I’m guessing the thought probably never even crossed their minds. But at the end of the day that’s kind of the point: if you’re going to make a show that subverts homophobic tropes (which I will readily say that they have done up until this point), you have to make sure not to accidentally fall into any of them yourself.

This leads me into my other issue with the episode: the timing.

My opinion toward the show right now would be considerably less harsh if this was not the last episode before a hiatus. I’m not saying the show can’t take breaks, but ending after this episode specifically? We are left with a very specific image of who Jack is, and exactly what kind of influence he has on Sammy. We’re left with the impression that Sammy has to choose between his found family and a gay relationship, and just to put icing on the cake we’re being told there is going to be another hiatus, prolonging the suffering of a character who has been through quite a lot already.

If this wasn’t the episode before a hiatus, I wouldn’t be as unhappy because we would have more immediate reactions to what had happened. We would have the four of them discussing it in detail. Maybe we even would have gotten a chance to hear Sammy himself say that this wasn’t Jack, and even get to hear more detail from him about who Jack is, if not what we heard. Maybe we would have actually gotten to see them get a step closer to getting Jack back instead of now knowing that the void has been opened, and we have to wait for another few months to see if the gay characters will ever get something even resembling a happy ending.

But we didn’t get any of that. Instead we got a cold, empty laugh that I haven’t been able to get out of my head since.

This isn’t to say that the show is headed in a bad direction. I think because this was not the intent that there is still plenty potential for things to stay on the rails. But what it looks like from here is that we are just continuing to prolong the suffering of the gay couple that sits at the emotional heart of the show’s main plotline. I’m just getting to a point where I’m starting to lose faith that we will see anything but it.

also huge thanks to @calebmichaels and @deputytroy. a lot of these points were the distillation of conversations between us, and if you think that I made a particularly interesting point at all in this post, it was probably their idea, not mine.

[dropintomanga]

Being Both Chinese and Otaku

I’m sure many of you may know this, but I’m a 1st generation Chinese-American. My first exposure to anime was back in the early 1990s’ through Cantonese-dubbed episodes of Dragon Ball Z. It’s been quite a ride since then. However, because I’m 1st-generation Chinese-American, my parents are both 1950s’-born immigrants from Guangzhou, China. They knew people and relatives that went through a period of time in China (the 2nd Sino-Japanese War) when the Japanese invaded the country. Even decades later, tensions between China and Japan still exist and Chinese otaku are caught in the middle of this.

I caught this 2019 Foreign Policy article “Super Patriotic Anime Youth Wars!” on one of my feed readers recently. It talked about how the Chinese government is worried about the influence of Japanese pop culture on many Chinese youth. They believe that foreign media in general will cause dissension. China has gone on to start their anime/manga stuff in order to gain some kind of control over Chinese otaku youth. Bilibili, a Chinese anime streaming service that has gotten a lot of attention over the past few years, was formed to help promote the Chinese government’s views.

I began to think about my own otaku journey and how someone else similar to me living in America feels.

Years ago, I wrote an article for an anime site about being a Chinese otaku. I forgot what I entirely wrote (link is now dead), but I remember I talked about a story that my mother once told me. It was about one of my aunts who literally ran away from Japanese soldiers during the 2nd Sino-Japanese War. My mom said that when my aunt was a young child in the early 1940s’, she carried one of her friends and searching for a hiding place with their caretaker while Japanese soldiers were looking to capture them. The soldiers yelled all kinds of profanities similar to how some anime characters say them. My aunt is still around, but has never talked about those experiences to me and I have never once talked to her about my love of Japanese pop culture.

Back in the mid-2000s’ when the anime boom was happening, my dad once said to me that he thinks anime may corrupt Chinese youth and that we wouldn’t understand the horrible things they did to China. After reading that Foreign Policy article on China/Japan tensions affecting otaku, I see that a good amount of Chinese folks, who grew up in China pre-1990, have utter dislike over otaku culture. The 2D world is full of imaginative ideas that aren’t easily controlled. What’s funny is that my parents didn’t mind me getting involved with all things Japanese. They knew it was what kept my mind occupied from depression. They knew I would probably hate them for taking Japanese pop culture away from me.

It’s hard enough being an otaku. But it’s harder when you’re an otaku and also have to deal with cultural tensions between two countries (one of which represents your nationality) that don’t like each other very much. I know China is a lot more receptive towards anime and manga compared to the United States, but the government will try to censor/ban anything with messages that sound overly rebellious against authority figures (i.e. Attack on Titan is the biggest example). It’s also very hard to businesses to ignore China because of its super-large population and the money potential.

I see a lot of Chinese youth in my area watching anime and reading manga on the train. I see them hanging around in places like Kinokuniya. That’s not going to change. I do feel that we all have our mental blind spots. I want the older Chinese generations to understand that some aspects of modern Japanese culture aren’t guilty of association for past war crimes and I want my generation and future Chinese generations to realize that Japan isn’t always some kind of great 2D holy land. It’s so easy to get caught up in the passions of whatever it is you love or hate. Follow your heart and gut is not always good advice when it comes to nuanced situations that involve complicated relationships. That thinking becomes a bit too biased for its own good.

As someone who’s been told “It’s all in the past. Get over it.”, I kind of relate to the pain that the older Chinese adults feel when they get ignored. They can’t keep up with how fast the present and future can go. My parents went through a lot to get to America. We can’t ignore the past. There’s too many untold stories that need to be told for a better future. Plus there has to be better acceptance of how random the future is. We may have a future where Japanese pop culture isn’t popular in China anymore due to politics. We may not as well. Trying to place so much control on things you can’t control leaves someone prone to endless frustration. I would love an emphasis on focusing on what someone can do now in the present moment.

I think sometimes we’re not taught to have these kinds of conversations because they make us feel emotionally vulnerable. And that’s terrifying to a lot of people. We want to look strong because that’s how we’re supposed to get through life and its obstacles according to the powers in place.

However, I do worry about China (and quite frankly, Japan as well) that focus on manipulating otaku fandom. I know that Japan’s history is awful and their tendency to not apologize for past war crimes is unnerving. I feel that otaku are being portrayed as a “dumb” kind of geekdom that only cares about getting what they want. That makes us prone to outside manipulation by people (i.e. governments) who say they care, but they don’t. That makes us no different from someone who loves to shop for brand-name clothes/shoes/etc. It’s natural to be recognized by a greater majority of people though as we have been picked on for so long. Maybe we’re getting external validation from the wrong types of people out of some desperation.

As a Chinese-American today, I don’t like China very much even though I do enjoy and respect some aspects of their culture. I’ve been there a couple of times, but I don’t feel compelled to go back compared to Hong Kong. I also can’t imagine myself living in Japan despite my fascination with the culture. I’m not sure if the country’s the right place for me as someone living with mental illness. I do see that there’s a good number of Chinese fans that have managed to find their own truths on how to handle cultural tension.

In any case, don’t let significant and mainstream in-group interference on all sides cloud all of your decision-making. Sometimes, the best kind of advice to get is from someone who doesn’t know you personally or is a part of your inner circle, but can relate to your situation and feelings. We will always have doubts and they deserve some validation. 

I think the beautiful thing about otaku fandom being more widespread due to the internet is that it allows us to connect with diverse strangers of all kinds that are genuinely good to be around. For so long, we’re taught to avoid strangers growing up because they are either suspicious or not worth talking to. However, it’s those same strangers that can lead us to new paths and friendships outside of bubbles that can stagnate us. Those paths can help us make sense of our own past and current situations as well or at least come to terms with them.

I can tell you that a lot of Japanese series I followed have helped me go back  to analyze and confront troubling aspects about my life in a way that matters. Maybe that’s why I manage to deal with many tensions including the Chinese/otaku dynamic instead of being just a passive consumer like most fans. I partake in a kind of “personal nostalgia” that’s more about your own growth and willingness to take on the bad stuff compared to collective nostalgia, which leads to hardcore nationalism/tribalism. I want you all to do the same when possible.

Life is strange to begin with. Maybe just embracing that notion will allow us to appreciate the diversity of all that surrounds it.

Shout-outs to anyone who is a Chinese otaku and managing cultural tensions in their own way. It’s hard work and as long as you’re not intentionally hurting people, you’re doing alright.

[autodiscothings]

What inspired you to write Ori and Kolyat specifically? What drew you to them? Sorry if you’ve already answered this!

I couldn’t answer this last night, as to me this is a question that requires more thought than two large gin and tonics would allow, and I wanted to do it justice. 

Before the art, which I think most people follow me for, there was (and still is) the writing. I wanted to write a Mass Effect crime story back in 2017, and thought a drell lead who could remember things perfectly would make a fantastic detective. 

Eidetic memory could be a useful plot device, too; if I wrote it in first person, it would not only make the mystery element more compelling (you are there with Kolyat as he works things out) but would make those flashbacks less jarring.

Kolyat was also a character that intrigued me. I could’ve gone with a drell OC, but I wanted to know more about him. I thought his father’s story was done, tied up in a neat bow; Kolyat’s story was not, and I was left wondering- was he okay? Did he survive the Citadel explosion? What does he do with himself, does he become a priest, a detective, an advocate for his people? Does he stay under Bailey’s wing? Does he return to Kahje? Does he actually carve a life for himself out of his parent’s shadow? 

It occurred to me that rather than badger other fanfic writers to answer the questions above (you can still see my “but what about-” comments to some of them, sorry guys) I could write my own.

Disconnect is my first Detective Krios mystery, and I did begin to answer some of my own questions. It’s a WIP I’ll return to one day, but Kolyat has remained unchanged as my writing has progressed. A good thing, since it’s his voice that steers the stories. He is still:

Grumpy, to the point of misanthropic behaviour.  

Has dry, somewhat sarcastic observations 

A secret softie, good with kids and animals

Obsessed with his work

A runner- likes to run to clear his head

Just a detective. Not a Shepard, not his father, not a Vakarian. 

A stranger in a strange land- a minority in whatever space he’s in.

Complicated in his thoughts regarding his people, culture and religion; has an immigrant’s guilt, but pragmatic with it.

Has/had a conflicted relationship with his father. Kol knows as an adult that his dad was dysfunctional because of the Compact/his own shitty childhood -even has empathy for it- but he still can’t quite forgive Thane his choices in life.

You’ll notice it’s all Kolyat I’m talking about so far, and not Ori. Partly because the reader doesn’t know her inner thoughts- she might be in every story, but the reader only knows her through the eyes of Kolyat.

I go into great detail in this post here why she’s important to me, and how I write her. In all honesty, when I first started writing her in Disconnect, I liked the idea of her more than the character. She was a woman in his flashback memories to haunt him, a familiar Noir trope. 

It’s also one she took great offence at, as weird as that is to say about a character I write. Ori’s personality has had the most change and nuance in my writing because of this, but from the start I knew:

She was no one’s doormat

Works in colony development, understands politics and red tape

She has a very rich life outside of Kolyat’s sphere/observation

She has a sense of humour- sass is the name of the game

Smart, capable- more so than Kolyat in some aspects

Old Hollywood femme-y glamour passed through a Mass Effect filter

Ori’s had so much more added to her since then. Disconnect is the story where she’s the least featured; Sirens & Selkies and Acts of Repetition she is very much there and holds her own, and is not just a flashback.

I know a lot of people in the fandom are either nonplussed about the pairing/story (it’s not Shepard, etc)  or have problems with the Kol/Ori ship itself, but that’s rarepair hell for you.

 I’ve also seen the “but why?” comments in the tags- pair the spares, ugh is one, but that’s part of the reason I like them; in the postwar context as I write the characters, it just makes sense.

Kol and Ori have a lot in common; the biggest is of course the Normandy connection, a frankly secret part of their life they can’t talk about with most people- not really. Ori even calls herself a Lee, not a Lawson. Why would she take Henry Lawson’s name, anyway? She had a family before him and Miranda.

 Obviously “but my sister worked with your dad” is not enough for a relationship, but it’s definitely enough for an introduction. “We met at a party” is also a start, which is how they first met Postwar. I’ve found the ones who hate ‘Koliana’ the most have their own passionate/thought out version of Kolyat and Ori anyway; fair enough, so do I.

My OTP is (personally) delightful to me, because:

Their sass! Back and forth banter is a delight to write.

An interspecies relationship where the physical is not actually the difficult part- the cultural and emotional side is.

Not soulmates, but people who have to make an instant connection last a lifetime, and always work at it.

Seem polar opposites, a moon/sun dynamic

It just makes sense to me. These two are in the long haul, and I know what they do up until their mid 50s; I will finish Disconnect and Sirens after Repetitions is written, maybe I can explore that time of their life (and their kids!) after they’re done.

Writing takes me a long time though, oh boy. I’ll get there! I have no desire to quit; obviously this world I’ve made still means a lot to me.

[hastalikhunts]

the first time hastalik ever showed clara a certain amount of kindness beyond words. likely towards the end of his first year aware of her presence in the coven’s compound.

feat: @clara-delaval

Hastalik had been away for two weeks on a mission, his mind exhausted from all that had happened. It was the first one he'd been on that involved being away for more than a few days and he was not coping very well, even eating breakfast with everyone else felt draining, so mid morning he abandoned the rest of the coven and snuck away. His rings knocked on the stone walls as he descended into the room that held the young vampire woman, the closest thing to an escape that he got. Without realising he was warning her of his arrival, subconsciously giving her a chance to prepare for him to walk in, wearing the exact same ensemble he wore daily.

The sound of someone approaching was an unfamiliar curtesy. Clara, by this point, was so used to the door swinging open with an alarming suddenness before she was wrenched out of her bed with an uncaring force no matter how hard she protested. This was why she was waiting in the furthest corner of the room to see what awaited her, nervous eyes poised on the door waiting for whoever might enter. Though he expression didn't give her away, there was a huge sense of relief when only one man materialized in the door frame. She couldn't explain why, but there was a undercurrent of relief when she recognized Hastalik's face. She would hardly call him an ally, but he had been somehow kinder than any other man in the coven.

Hastalik closed the door behind him, looking up and finding Clara at the corner of the room, her red hair falling around her face. For a moment he wondered if vampires needed to wash their hair, Clara always seemed clean and he knew there was no bathroom down here and she couldn't leave the room. "They shouldn't be here anytime soon," Hastalik told her simply. It seemed they drained her less when they'd had a vampire killed that they could obviously use the blood of, she probably had a day or two before they returned to her.

There was a wave of confusion that washed over the vampire when Hastalik didn't immediately make a move for her or speak. The small inkling of security she had felt when she realized it was him vanished when he closed the door, fully restoring the power dynamic to normal. "You're not--... They..." Clara seemed unable to figure out why he had come if he didn't have any use for her blood. "What are you doing here?"

Hastalik had never come down for her blood, he was still not technically privy to that information. He’d found Clara by accident and had only ever come down there to see if she was still alive. He kept waiting for them to kill her but they never did. Hastalik still didn’t understand it. If she was evil they needed to kill her. “You know why I’m here,” he scolded, frowning as he shoved his ringed fingers into his pockets. Though he wasn’t entirely there for that, at least not today. He couldn’t stop thinking of the vampires he’d killed, why had he had to kill them and yet Clara was down here?

She looked appropriately chastised when he scolded her, though she didn't look any less confused. Clara never really knew why he came down. When he did, he just spoke to her, and across all of their interactions she had not yet managed to put together some sort of a motive. With his hands in his pocket, she felt comfortable enough to slowly walk to the edge of the bed and sit there. "Is there something you need to say?" she asked, more or less trying to ask the man if there was something on his mind that had compelled him to come to her at that particular time.

Clara moved and he stepped back, though in the direction of the other side of the room than where he'd come from. So far she'd never hurt him, and had been very insistent that she wouldn't, but Hastalik wasn't afraid she'd hurt him, he was afraid she'd keep convincing him that she wouldn't. "Figured I was gone so long they may have finally killed you," Hastalik responded aggressively, wondering if she had noticed he'd been gone for a solid few weeks. "Wanted to see if they had a new blood bag down here for me to be amused by." His words were half hearted though, not quite as visceral as they had been when he first found her.

Clara noticed when he stepped back in reaction to her movement. She lifted her hands to show him her palms and moved more slowly, but there was a sadness behind her eyes that she couldn't quite shield. "I just want to sit is all," she said in a small voice, lowing her hands when she was seated. Part of her could understand why he was careful, but another part of her felt hurt over it. She still felt more human than vampire, but regardless she felt in most instances here she was treated like a monster. "Would you have been happy if there was?" she asked, looking up at him. Then, with a fake sense of sadness almost meant to tease him, "Are you getting bored of me?" She usually didn't joke with the man, but she noticed that much of the bite had left his voice and it made it feel safer to try and be more casual with him.

Talking with her was hard, vampires tended to spit in his face as he did their's, they'd call him witch names and he'd call them vampire insults back. Clara didn't, even when he called her names she never said any back, which only made things harder for Hastalik. The witch had never enjoyed being mean, or violent, but it was meant to be who he was. He definitely would not have been happy if another person was down there though, not only because for far Clara didn't indicate she deserved to die but because he didn't think he could stand knowing they went through vampires like Kleenex. "You're pretty boring," he said simply, though not exactly her fault when she had basically nothing to do. "I wouldn't have been happy."

Clara's expression flattened to look somewhat annoyed with him when he said she was boring, but then again how much excitement could one stir up in a plain room containing almost nothing.  The expression was mostly for show, though. "I wasn't always so boring," she insisted vaguely. She chewed on her bottom lip and looked down at her lap when he said he would not have been happy to see she was gone, but she thought the both of them must know how realistic a possibility it was that some day the coven might become too careless to go too far. "Do you think someday I will be?" she asked quietly, not looking at him. "That I might... die here, and they just... replace me like it is nothing?"

"Probably not," he agreed of her insistence. Hastalik saw what the outside world had when he was on his trips and even he was boring in comparison to them. He didn't have a television, and his internet exposure was non-existent. The closest he got was video games and they were only ones his father allowed for him to play. Books were the same, curated by the coven. When he was on missions he would sometimes sneak them from stores, sometimes watch TV in truck stops, but it wasn't the same. "Maybe," Hastalik said, she was a female and she was certainly the only female he'd ever seen more than once. No doubt she couldn't make it. "If you've been down here as long as you say then maybe one day they'll just bleed you dry on accident, or on purpose because they need it. I've bled vampires before, takes some times but you can do it. Once your bled the only thing that'll bring you back is blood, we're not too keen on giving it." From what he could tell they fed Clara in small glasses of blood sporadically, she always looked beautiful but she never looked strong, least not physically. "You're nothing to us." Us. He didn't like saying he was a part of it but he was, he had to be, this was his family.

"I was never like the others, you know?" she said, a heavy sort of sadness in her voice. "I don't know how long it was after I was changed and someone--one of your brothers I guess--found me." Clara’s jaw became rigid again as her gaze drifted off and she tried not to let her sadness overcome her. "He said he knew what I was, and that I was alone. I just wanted to get back home and see my mother. He said he would help me." Hastalik almost certainly had to know the rest of the story. He said he would help her--and now she was here, had been for years. "If they asked you to collect my blood, could you do that?" she asked, looking at him. She didn't know he had bled some other, unfortunate vampire before. His next statement had her feeling stupid for asking it.

"I don't have any brothers," he answered, supposing she meant in the way he called the coven his family but Hastalik was quite insistent. Maybe they were his family but none of them were his brothers, none of them had come from his mother, goddess that Hastalik perceived her to be. Still her story burnt in his ears, he didn't want to hear what they'd done to get her here, the tricks they'd taught all of the coven members to be used on them. Vampires were emotional, just as they could be vicious they could be easily manipulated. "I would do anything my father asked me to do," Hastalik insisted, eyes looking into hers but falling away. His father frequently bled her and while Hastalik carried a lot of his features his father was never quite as soft. Even when Hastalik had insulted her he had never held the same deadness to his eyes that his father did. "Eventually."

"Oh," Clara said quietly, replaying her own words in her head trying to determine if it was the language she'd gotten wrong as a non-native speaker or if it was more a nuance of how the coven related to each other. "What should you call them then?.” “You haven't always," she responded, her brows knitting together. Perhaps all of the men always wore the same outfits, but ass a vampire there was more than one way to tell if a human was injured or bruised. "He has beaten you before, in anger over disobedience. Your scent, it changes when your body is recovering. It becomes... It, um." She struggled to find a way to describe it. "Your body is working harder so it smells more apparent? More pure?"

"Family but not brothers, they're not my mother's children or my father's, they're other coven members children," he informed her. He didn't like to talk about his mother, an image of her always on his person. He only knew what his father had said of her and it was very little. What would be most obvious to Clara however was that no women ever approached her, or were ever around. Whoever Hastalik's mother was she wasn't here. No doubt it didn't help bruises were pooled areas of blood beneath the skin, he'd never considered she might notice, or might assume it was his father and not the fact he went out and regularly took vampire's in. "My father knows what is best for the coven and for me. I just don't always see it right away," his eyes remained on her. One day he would see why Clara was down here and he would regret his betrayal in these moments, or he hoped as much. "But eventually I do. If he wanted me to bleed you he'd have a reason."

She nodded when he answered the question, but didn't comment further on the way members of the coven referred to one another. When he spoke of his father, Clara's eyes held a shred of empathy, maybe even pity. "Perhaps you see it differently, but not wrong,"she said softly. "He may not always be right either? It is in our nature to make mistakes." She was trying to plant a seed of doubt, though she worried it might just anger Hastalik. "Either way, you do not deserve to be treated cruelly for a wrong action." It worried her that he felt that there would always come a day when his morals aligned with those of his father, especially because he was the only one to ever show her a modicum of empathy. "I'd better not give him a reason then..."

"His words come from experience," but he was faltering in his resolve because Hastalik had never understood why his father wanted him to harm those in the coven. His father had always said that it was practice but if that was true why could he not practice on vampires? Why had he needed to practice his abilities over and over again on younger members within the coven. "Pain helps remember situations, so you won't make mistakes again," Hastalik said but he brushed his nose with his knuckles because he was getting emotional, a trait his father insisted came from his mother, and likely had. "Why wouldn't you want to? I mean, what's worse? Being down here for the rest of your existence or dying? You're a monster anyway, better to die." He wasn't trying to be cruel but genuinely believed what he was saying, because if she was good and vampires were bad, then maybe all she needed was an escape from the life she had.

"Can I tell you something that I want you to think about? A saying that is very important to us back in France?" she asked, nodding toward the other end of the bed and inviting him to sit if he so chose. She didn't recite the saying to him until he gave her permission, worried that she would just prove herself to be pushy or manipulative or whatever horrible thing he wanted to believe she was. "Pain is not the only way," she said quietly. For some, death might seem like the easier way out. But when she had been kidnapped by the coven it was when she was travelling home to visit her sick mother. Clara didn't know if her mother was still alive, but the hope of seeing her one more time was enough to make the suffering worthwhile and keep the hope of escape alive. "I barely lived before I was taken here," she said, shrugged her shoulders slightly. "The years in here would be worth the change of just one more day out in the real world."

Hastalik did not sit, keeping his tall looming figure where it was, though the gesture did stick in his mind, especially looking at the expression on her face as she made it, not commanding but soft. "It's not the only way, but it's our way," he said back quite instantly after before he held his breath a moment. "I'll think on it, but only if you say it in French." Her hope almost snapped Hastalik's resolve, but only almost. It was hard for him, to see such a beautiful face, and to hear her speak with such honesty and innocence all at once. He'd worshipped his mother from the moment he understood he lacked one, and as a byproduct he worshipped women, more so than others in the coven. Each had their own Greecian God they worshipped, Hastalik the only one among them that did his blessings and rituals to women. His father did not approve but his visions were enough to keep his father's displeasure at bay. Mostly he just didn't know what to say to her answer so moved to head for the door. "Perhaps you'll still be here when I return."

Clara wasn't surprised or hurt that Hastalik didn't sit. She chose not to argue with the our way statement he made. If she did, it might be perceived that she was trying to lead him to an alternate conclusion and being manipulative. Instead she nodded, when he requested the phrase in French. "L’habit ne fait pas le moine." she recited. "It means The clothing doesn't make the monk." She simply nodded at his statement, watching him make his exit.

[arbeaone]

For “Great British Baking Show” Contestants, The Real Loss is the Endless Trolling

by Rae Robey Published on December 2, 2019 at 11:51am

Against the vast backdrop of high-octane and anxiety-inducing cooking competition television programs, The Great British Baking Show is an aberration. Internationally beloved for its affable contestants and endless supply of baking-themed anglicisms—“soggy bottoms” and “saucy puds” abound—the show follows a dozen or so home bakers as they compete to be named Britain’s best amateur baker. When the 2019 season premiered with a record-breaking 9.6 million viewers, each contestant was thrust into the public eye; most have racked up tens of thousands of Instagram followers since the season began in August. For American audiences in particular, The Great British Baking Show’s intrinsic wholesomeness makes it a cultural phenomenon: We could never be so well-mannered in a televised competition, but we do enjoy pretending.

The Great British Baking Show is, at most, an estranged cousin to American cutthroat cooking competitions like Chopped, Iron Chef, or even Cupcake Wars. In the Baking Show tent, contestants help each other finish their bakes, are graceful (even grateful!) in defeat, and despair when their purported rivals are dismissed from the competition. Each episode is predicated on kindness, love, support, and the freely-given home-baked comforts of the feminine domestic realm. Even the grand prize—a cake stand and some flowers, no cash—highlights the show’s near-pathological humility. Produced by a team called Love Productions, decency is, we can only assume, woven into the show’s DNA. But when Baking Show airs on TV, long after the last bun is iced and the final bap prodded, the trolling begins.

Each season, the bakers spend months immersed in icing sugar, bavarois, and ganache, frantically preparing for the 30 challenges of the competition. In addition to the generalized stress of executing difficult pastry skills while trying to impress professional judges on an international stage, the bakers are told by producers that they’ll likely deal with some backlash from a handful of disproportionately peeved viewers. After all, it’s a competition. But the backlash goes beyond competition, and, despite the warning, most bakers are blindsided by the frequency and ferocity of their trolling. And though adoring fans are certainly in the majority, online trolls yell the loudest. Stacey Hart, a Season 8 semifinalist, dealt with severe online harassment as soon as the season began airing. “I’m smug, I’m a bitch, I’m a worthless piece of shit, I’m a useless baker,” Hart told Bitch, describing the comments that strangers sent her. “[The show] was the best experience and the best thing—at the time—that I ever did. It became the worst thing I ever did.” Trolls loathed her pink, glittery bakes and how often she brought up motherhood; their caustic DMs and comments drove her into a months-long depression. “I’m quite a self-conscious person anyway, and it made me question myself,” says Hart. “Am I good enough?”

Before Hart, there was Ruby Tandoh, a Season 4 runner-up who was deemed a “filthy slag” who traded sexual favors and weaponized “female tears” for preferential judging. Tandoh wrote a piece for The Guardian in October 2013 describing the waves of “lazy misogyny” that followed each episode’s release, but shining light on the problem change much for future contestants. Claire Goodwin, the first to leave the tent in Season 5, was inundated with fat-shaming comments. Season 6 winner Nadiya Hussain, a first-generation British Bangladeshi, was told to “go home” on Twitter. Candice Browne, winner of Season 7, regularly endured comments from strangers who “fucking hate Candice, reckon she’s a right bitch.”

In a 2018 joint study with Element AI, Amnesty International named online trolling of women a human rights violation—one that social media platforms like Twitter continuously refuse to be held accountable for. The trolling of Baking Show contestants generally reflects the Amnesty International findings: White women are trolled hard, but women of color are trolled harder. Commenting on the viciousness of a particularly nasty troll, Hussain offered a succinct explanation: “I’m Muslim, brown, working-class and a woman! I may as well have ‘punching bag’ written on my torso.” In general, men are less likely to be trolled and, instead, are more likely to be trolls themselves, due to years of learned misogyny and—according a Brunel University and Goldsmiths, University of London report—a higher rate of narcissism. But on Baking Show, trolling often extends to the men with nearly as much vitriol and regularity as it does to the women.

Dan Beasley-Harling, a 2018 contestant and self-identified “gay-at-home dad” received the overwhelming bulk of Season 8’s cumulative harassment. “It was about five weeks of people just saying horrible things about me constantly. I had some really overtly homophobic comments,” says Beasley-Harling, referring to unoriginal jabs about queer sex and the suitability of a queer parent. Trolls can generally find a problem with any woman, but two types of bakers stand out as exceptionally deserving of harassment: women who don’t land neatly in the realm of palatable, perfect femininity, and men who aren’t stereotypically masculine. Beasley-Harling’s experience suggests that Baking Show trolls might take a more nuanced approach to their vocation.

Perhaps it’s not just about harassing women online—it’s about re-establishing gendered power dynamics and punishing those who flirt with the domestic on public-facing platforms. Domestic work has historically been an unpaid at-home venture delegated to women, so Baking Show contestants are either women overstepping their household boundaries or men crossing gendered labor lines. For a troll, either is a damnable offense. But with each record-smashing episode, Baking Show subverts the assumptions of where femininity belongs, who it belongs to, and how much it’s worth—roughly £24.2 million in predicted revenue. Still, exploitation is often and easily disguised as empowerment. Lest we forget, Baking Show contestants aren’t paid, and the grand “prize” has little to no real-world value.

To an extent, we all participate in the uninformed and unkind public judging that trolls have championed. We experience celebrities and public figures—especially women—as dehumanized subjects ripe for public dissection, each one existing in a vacuum sealed behind a screen. After all, the Baking Show contestants are filmed, edited, and packaged by professionals into easily digestible archetypes for the sake of a comprehensible and compelling storyline. For example, the latest season featured Michael Chakraverty as the optimistic goofball, Steph Blackwell as the irrationally insecure savant, and Helena Garcia as the spooky, whimsical free spirit. While these personas are fully inspired by who the bakers actually are, they’re ultimately deployed to create drama and tension where it doesn’t exist—that’s just the mandate of reality-TV editing.

But trolls live in the extreme, and for them the editing spurs online abuse. Beasley-Harling, for example, saw the trolling as a direct extension of Love Production’s editing. “I felt like the editing choices were very much treating me like collateral damage,” Beasley-Harling says. “I phoned Love Productions and said, ‘I don’t think you’re representing me fairly, I understand why people don’t like me.’ And they said, ‘No, you’re crazy, everyone’s getting a fair, balanced view on the show. It’s all in your head.’” Gaslighting, the Old Faithful of emotional abuse is regularly deployed against women, people of color, the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups, is remarkably efficient at restabilizing power dynamics—exactly what trolls seek to do. A representative for Love Productions stated via email that: “Love Productions has always taken contributor care seriously and has robust protocols in place to protect and support those taking part in our shows throughout production and after transmission. These protocols evolve to acknowledge and address the changing media landscape and scrutiny.”

Depending on who you ask, however, the robustness of their protocols fluctuates. According to Beasley-Harling, past contestants have speculated that the Love Productions team tailors their level of attention and support based on the profitability of the contestant in question. After leaving the tent halfway through the competition, Beasley-Harling felt like Love Productions was less interested in protecting its contestants from trolling when money was to be made elsewhere, a behavior not dissimilar to reality television at large. “I barely left my house for three months. I was a shitty parent for three months,” Beasley-Harling says, describing the impact of his trolling. “To me, that felt like, ‘We’ve used you for the entertainment value and now we’re disposing of you.’” But Hart, the semifinalist who received the brunt of Season 8’s trolling and suffered a depressive period similar to Beasley-Harling’s, found Love Productions reassuring throughout airing.

“Every time I called them, they were wonderful. Didn’t matter what time of day,” says Hart. But she does concede that the emotional scarring from her online abuse outlasted Love’s self-proclaimed robust protocols. “They’ve got no idea how it’s affected me to this day,” says Hart. “I don’t think that’s their problem anymore, is it?” It remains to be seen how this year’s cohort of bakers will fare. Airing in the United Kingdom continued through October, and this year’s crop of bakers appear as chipper as ever, even online. So far, trolling appears to be minimal—maybe the bakers can avoid it if they subscribe more closely to normative gender expectations. “When I went on the Bake Off I wasn’t worried about my hair or my makeup or what I was wearing,” says Hart. “Maybe if I had made more of an effort, people would have been nicer to me.”

[runrundoyourstuff]

Modeling Changing Relationships to Parents and Growing Up in Steven Universe

Okay, so I’ve talked a decent amount about how SU is both primarily a children’s show, and among other things, a show about growing up. One that directly aims to give kids tools to healthily express their emotions and to build healthy relationships, and to in general give kids tools they need as they grow up. Growing up is exciting, but there’s also things that are deeply challenging and terrifying about it--and part of what SU does well, I think, is to dramatize, in a subtle and palatable way, part of what makes it terrifying. (To validate what kids feel and to give them tools to deal with it.)

One of these terrifying things, as I’ve discussed a few places, primarily here with @demonsanddogweeds, is the changing relationship we have with our parents (and even more, with the idea of our parents) as we grow up. I think Familiar adds another really interesting layer and step to this, and I want to explore the whole arc of it in a bit more depth, and in total (so far!) in light of Familiar.

Before, I’d mentioned one of the most powerful moves that the show makes in this regard is to dramatize the process that happens as we grow up of gradually realizing that our parents aren’t perfect. 

To recap, in Season 1, we get a highly romanticized picture of who Rose Quartz was.

The other Gems, especially, present her this way to Steven, and therefore to us. And, though there might be a few cracks in this façade--Pearl’s neurotic insistence that their memories of Rose not be “tainted” in An Indirect Kiss, our discovery that Rose kept a lot of secrets in Rose’s Scabbard, a hint at the power dynamic in her relationship with Pearl in Sworn to the Sword, even maybe the dismissive way she talks to Greg in the We Need to Talk Flashback etc.--this is the picture we get of her for the first two and a half seasons. And, as such, Steven’s predominate posture toward Rose--other than missing her--is a desperate need to live up to this romanticized picture he has of her. 

Albeit in an exaggerated way, I think this models the relationship that most children have with the idea of their parents. They’re not people, they’re superhuman entities, they’re perfect, they’re our parents and we want to live up to them! (This is obviously especially true for kids like Steven who have never met their parent, but I think this is also true of most kids--a near-universal part of childhood. Even if this phase lasts different lengths of time depending on different circumstances.

It’s not until the episode Bismuth, late in season 3, that this picture of Rose is thrown into question in a really serious way, when we realize that she poofed Bismuth, hid her away, and lied to everyone about. This is compounded only three episodes later in Back to the Moon, when Steven learns that Rose “shattered” Pink Diamond. 

And over the next season, we see in several episodes how much this weighs on him--I’m thinking in particular of how we see it cause some of Stevonnie’s anxiety in Mindful Education:

 and I’m thinking of especially Storm in the Room: 

In Storm in the Room, Steven says:

“This is how I want you to be. But I don't know if this is who you really are.  I've learned things about you. Things you wanted to keep secret. You locked Bismuth away inside of Lion, because she wanted to shatter Gems, and you never told Garnet or Pearl. But then you shattered Pink Diamond! Now all of Homeworld has it out for Earth, and the Crystal Gems and me! You put us all in danger, and you just disappeared! I finally know the truth. I know what you are! You're a liar! I thought you'd never want to hurt anyone! You hurt everyone! How could you just leave Garnet, and Amethyst and Pearl, and-and Dad?! They don't know what to do without you! Maybe they didn't matter to you as much as hiding the mess you made!”

This, to me, is such a powerful dramatization of the terror of realizing that our parents aren’t perfect beings. We feel like the ground beneath our feet is falling away, like Mindful Education dramatizes. And sometimes it’s more than that; it’s terrifying, like the darkened color-palate in Storm in the Room indicates.

And, here, notice that Steven’s primary posture toward Rose is to think of her in more black-and-white terms. She was wrong in almost everything she did, even if Steven doesn’t call her bad. He feels resentment toward her. And eventually a need to do repentance for what he sees as her bad behavior. Modeling, I think, a very common pattern--when we realize our parents aren’t perfect, the first step out of that is, I think, the other extreme. A non-nuanced condemnation and resentment.

Though his picture is slightly complicated by the trial, this is the mode Steven stands in until A Single Pale Rose, when he realizes that actually, his mom didn’t quite do all the terrible things he thought she did, though she did do some of them--and maybe some other good things, and some other bad things too! (This is compounded in the following episode, when we--and he--get a flashback in Now We’re Only Falling Apart, showing us a more fleshed out side of Rose Quartz than we’ve seen before.) And when he finally gets to process this an episode later, in What’s Your Problem, he says:

( “I can see how she was good and bad, and bad and good...”)

His picture, now, is a much more nuanced one. There are shades of grey in the person his mom was. She wasn’t all good, nor was she all bad. Which I think is the next step of how many young adults start to see their parents, after the black-and-white resentment phase.  Granted, more information has now come to light for Steven about the person his mom was, but isn’t that often how it happens in real life too?

This sets us (and him!) up for the crucial next step which Familiar has given us. 

In the titular song, Steven sings:

Familiar. Why is this so familiar? Familiar like something I used to do. Familiar. Did she used to throw a tantrum. Insisting, "But hey, I'm a Diamond, too?"

I bet she drove them crazy all the time. They love her, but they're leaving her behind. With more important places they should be. Than hanging out with someone just like me!

Familiar! That's why it's so familiar. Familiar like someone I used to be.

Now understanding that his mother was a nuanced, complicated being, Steven is now in a position to say that she was a complicated being just like him. He’s in a position to empathize with her. He even puts her on clothes to literalize this.

From an in-universe perspective, there is something endlessly compelling here. I’ve discussed several times (often in the comments section of @mimik-u‘s fics lol) that Pink/Rose had a hard time with empathy, and became/had Steven in an attempt to grow into a person who could empathize with others. To me, that desire is where Steven’s powers of empathy--the natural and the supernatural ones both--come from, at least in part. And there’s an irony, then, in the fact that the hardest person for Steven to empathize with was Rose herself, and it’s satisfying to see him finally able to do it.

But this is even more satisfying for me from an out-of-universe perspective. Our parents really are often the last people we’re able to empathize with, to see as like us. And to me this is one of the final steps in how people relate to their parents as they become adults. They start to realize that their parents are flawed people, often trying their best, just like their children. To empathize with them. To relate to them as people. 

For as much as I love SU’s storytelling, and world-building, and characters, it’s aspects like this, the show’s pedagogy, how it takes itself seriously not only as a show, but also as a children’s show, and even an educational program, is determined and carful to portray things that are really frightening for kids in digestible ways to validate those fears and give them tools to deal with them, that really make it extraordinary in my eyes.

What a good show.