#dweeb dunking

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

He's going into the slammer!

[milkteamoon]

I love when people give s1 Jon a stupid little mustache it's like kicking him while he's already down

[victorian-nymph]

My favourite part of Sky High is where Will's looking through his parents yearbook and they show a picture of Steve but unfortunately they just picked a photo of teenage Kurt Russell from the 1960s and it looks like this:

I can't believe they're trying to tell me that boy was the jock class president who also is implied to have bullied most of his classmates, this boy looks like HE was the one being shoved into lockers. Which admittedly would be a very funny twist if it turned out he was lying out of his ass about his high school expierence. And all cause there are no photos of kurt before the age of thirty where he didn't look like a giant dweeb.

[lmaowhateven]

not sure i wasnt following you already bc i couldve sworn i did?? anyway. rlly funny thing on the dash just now:

THAT'S SO SILLAY im obsessed

[todayisafridaynight]

Omg someone just compared Aoki to incel Paul Dano Riddler the twitter users meme on 😭😭😭😭😭

can i say theyre wrong. not confidently.

[the-quotable-alberta-hansard]

December 1, 2022

Mr. Stephan: It is an unfortunate necessity to protect Alberta, our freedom and prosperity, which the morally and fiscally bankrupt, hostile, socialist NDP-Trudeau Axis government seeks to undermine and attack. But, Mr. Speaker, why is the NDP against the act? Is it because Trudeau, Canada’s first NDP Prime Minister, is their bosom buddy? Their BFF? They are confused. They do not understand Alberta. Socialism is an enemy to self-reliance. Socialism does not create prosperity; it undermines it. Do we honestly think that socialism attracts investment? Is that what they’re trying to tell us, that socialism attracts investment? No.

[occamstfs]

Actually, They're Called Tetrominoes

Been holding out on some kinda Video Game trigger, here's a bit of an odd Russian cultural/racial TF, enjoy! -Occam

Michael could stand to be a more pleasant person. Day to day he is a pretty run of the mill head-down kinda guy, amicable but never really goes out his way to chat or make friends. Instead he finds his free time often used to prowl the internet looking for people to torment online in whatever way he finds funny at the moment. Born too late to be a goon on SomethingAwful he typically pages through Reddit threads and communities looking for someone sensitive or cartoonishly argumentative.

This is precisely where he finds himself tonight, being a pedant on some video game thread that he doesn’t truly care about. Some presumably Russian user, u/ZandrIvnov, seems to be quite proud of Tetris which Michael finds incredibly amusing. As an American he too takes pride in many of the cultural exports and ideas that his nation has sent into the world, including many of the deeply entrenched ideas about the Russian and Soviet people taught in world history. It takes especially little for him to decide to start taunting and baiting this man sitting at his keyboard a world away.

Michael launches petty taunts at the Russian, poking fun at his nationality and Eastern Europe at large, stopping short at making fun of the man’s less than perfect English, for now at least. Michael switches between accounts to upvote his responses and even add additional dunks on the Tetris-fan as needed. Try as he might though to get the conversation away from the ancient game and get some more personal and profane digs in there he finds it difficult to find any truly satisfying or clever insults.

Getting tired of hearing this man assert Russian superiority he prepares to pull the ripcord and move on before he sees the Russian misstep talking about the game he’s so invested in, as probably the only fun fact he has on deck comes to mind. After the Russian so eloquently compares Michael’s head to a Tetris piece Michael immediately replies, “okay lol big fan huh they’re actually called tetrominoes” and then moves on to find some other doofus to bully on the internet.

On the other side of the screen Sasha seethes at the man, so juvenile in his mockery “Проклятые американцы. (Fucking Americans.)” He takes to his own keyboard messaging Michael directly as his arrogant messages dry up in the thread proper, Sasha was going to have him put his money where his mouth was. He offers a challenge, “u americans are so proud da? how about we see whos country rly is the best”

Michael felt his pulse rise in excitement at how much he has truly bothered this man. Smug smile on his face as he types his response, “what did u have in mind, Zander?”

“Саша(Sasha) is my name. since u are so smart about tetris, why not see who is actual master of game da?” Sasha offers, knowing already that the troll is sure to accept out of pride alone. Michael wasn’t all that much of a gamer but surely he could show this dweeb what’s what yeah? He starts looking up tips to win Tetris as he replies “sure whatever dude, what are u thinkin”

Sasha smirks as he has Michael right where he wants him, “loser agrees with winner about national superiority? should not be problem if you americans are so good at every thing” Michael was already eager to give it a go and Sasha’s taunt only makes him all the more raring to go. Before he can even pause his meager attempt to study strategy, Sasha sends over a link to the game and Michael clicks over to play, leaving the cheat sheet open on a second monitor. 

Michael types his name into the game and finds himself looking at a familiar screen. He’s never played the game competitively but it’s a pretty simple game right? He just needs to keep his cool once the pieces start flying in. He gets the cheeky idea to check the cheat sheet in between pieces. That’s that good-old red white and blue ingenuity, Michael thinks. Unaware that these are of course also of the Russian flag. There’s a ping from the board as Sasha uses the in game chat to ask “u understand the rules da”

Michael sends back a thumbs up and Sasha sets the game going. It is predictably uneventful at the beginning, neither man making any particularly interesting plays. Michael continues to skim how to best cheat the game while Sasha waits for the perfect moment to fuck him over. Michael finds himself enjoying the game more than he thought he would as he hears the familiar tune, it is awfully catchy isn’t it? He’s gotta hand it to the soviets for that. His gameplay slows down as he tries to speedread the page on his other monitor. Instead of forcing pieces quickly he instead lets them drift slowly while his board is relatively clear. Sasha sees this and decides to go in for the kill.

Suddenly as Michael’s eyes wander away from the game for just a second too long there is an unfamiliar sound. He darts his attention back only to see the floor of his Tetris board rocket up in response to Sasha doing an impossibly well timed combo of lines. Michael’s heartbeat increases at a shocking rate in response as losing becomes a very real possibility. Why is he so upset? His face grows red as he realizes just how outclassed he is. Obviously this is no big deal right? Just a game. But Michael cannot help but feel physically uncomfortable as the tides start to turn so swiftly. 

There is suddenly a crick in his neck that he stretches to avail but only exacerbates as a soreness begins to spread further across his body. Man is he tensing up too much? It’s just, it’s just a game right? Trying to calm down he is hit with the thought as if it were a shot of adrenaline that he absolutely cannot lose this game. His eyebrows furrow as they begin to square and thicken, casting dark shadows over his rage-filled eyes. His limbs take turns cramping as he clenches his neck and jaw to distract from the pane, not noticing as the structure of his face begins to change. 

His chest grows to join the chorus of muscle spasms as Michael struggles to keep up with even Sasha’s slower gameplay. Across the seas Sasha takes his time, knowing victory is in the bag, and savoring what he knows must be happening to his little troll Michael right now. He smirks as he imagines the discomfort in Michael’s changing body as he feels warmth grow in his own chest, and crotch, as he decides just how much he wants to play with his food. 

Back in the states Michael finds the heat, the sweat, the tightness of his clothes increasingly unbearable. As he continues to mash buttons on his remote he is too intent on the game to notice as hair begins to darken around his forearms and begin to snake its way towards his hands. He rubs them each down to placate the tickle on his growing arms. This is absolutely nothing to the creeping itch that is starting to encompass the entirety of his rapidly expansive legs. He shifts his heavier thighs trying to soothe the discomfort, making a loud sound as they pull away from the sweat sticking them to the chair but not allaying the soreness or itch in the slightest.

He grunts and notices not how his voice has grown both deeper and gruffer in his throat. Michael struggles to keep the remote from slipping out of his hands as sweat trickles down from his hairy arms and into his palms. Before it becomes a problem however Michael takes advantage of the lull in Sasha’s gameplay and tries to quickly remove his far too strained shirt. It should be a simple task after all, just put the remote down for a second, slide it off, and then back to the game. He does a brief check in to ensure he has even that and after believing he does Michael starts to try and remove the shirt strained and sticking to his skin.

He has precious little time as the pieces continue to fall at their set pace in game. He gets one hand under the hem of his shirt and tries to wrench it while keeping his other hand on the controller, this lets in a breeze of cold air sending quivers of pleasure across his pulsating muscle, as well as igniting a burning ache in his chest and torso. His upper body grows even further, finally overfilling his shirt as the sound of tears ring out in his bedroom alongside the same repetitive folk song he knows well. The idea that this shirt was loose fitting when he threw it on this morning or that he just identified the Tetris theme as a folk song rather than an 8-bit annoyance don’t have a chance to come to mind as he struggles to remain focused on not losing the game.

He pulls the shirt up to his chest before it gets uncomfortably stuck “Ach, bog uh- god damnit.” He scratches at his chest as the soreness and growing muscle makes way for a fiery prickling as the few chest hairs he has been a tad ashamed of begin to thicken and darken on his chest. Swirling out from his nipples and inching higher on his chest with each breath, he continues to struggle to remove himself mindlessly. Finding his shirt caught on his expansive pecs he rubs his hand underneath it across his sweaty chest, and finding it pleasurably drag through more hair on his pecs than he would’ve sworn he had in his pubes, he resolves to remove the shirt however he can. 

As soon as he finishes a line Michael tosses the remote down and goes to raise his shirt above his head, his thicker arms struggling as they adjust to their new range of motion. He wrests the tight shirt above his head, his chest bursting large once more, freed from the garment as the breeze tickles the sweat covered chest hair and forces his enlarged nipples to harden. Having overcome his suddenly massive pecs the neckline is now caught on his chin, his arms raised high above his head expose his pits to the cold open air. He feels the air con blow against his recently shaved pits as the hair begins to grow back. It starts to catch as the hair begins to grow thicker and longer than it had ever done before, curling together as new hairs begin to push out and form a bush thick enough to never see the skin beneath again.

This also brings his attention to new development in his body, with his face shoved into his shirt it would be impossible not to notice the unbecoming amount of sweat soaking it. Arms raised though he finally notices that he has an altogether far more powerful scent, on par with a macro-obsessed body builder or hygiene-phobic wild man. Michael feels a beard start to push out into the shirt still hugging his face. Shaving once a month was more than enough to keep him clean shaven but now he knew deep in his mind that he would never have a day again where his face would be smooth. It’s that Ru- That American blood in him, right?

He begins to feel himself lost in the scent as his mind begins to grow distracted, attention fading from the game despite the looping tune filling his mind. He turns his head to smell his pits through his shirt which is when he hears the dreaded sound of Sasha making a combo once more, “Gah! Nyo, I can’t lose” he shouts, not noticing as his rough tone begins to develop a slight accent. Ending the long-standing struggle against his shirt he simply rips it off and jumps for the controller, ashamed at how foolish and lustful he has suddenly found himself in the middle of this all-important competition.

He needs to make his people proud! He cannot let Amerika down, ya? His focus and vision return to the game as he stumbles through one more line before all the pieces fall from view and the game declares Sasha the winner. Mikael reflexively pounds his table shouting, “Ny- no! I, this!” struggling to find any words to make his loss okay. Unable to notice just how bizarre this game has affected him, though sure that something grave has occurred. He scrambles to the chat box where he sees Sasha has yet again beaten him to the punch, “gg Брат(brother) yes?”

Mikael’s eyes don’t even notice the language switch in the message as he quickly races to demand a rematch. Punching keys slower than the career-cyberbully is accustomed to, almost as if he would be more comfortable with a different keyboard format, slowly he punches his response “one more best dva out of tri ya?” Sasha laughs out loud seeing Mikael suddenly typing out anglicized Russian. He smirks and squeezes his crotch in excitement at just how far this American brat has fallen into his hands. Sasha responds in full Russian knowing that Mikael may as well already be his countryman. “конечно, почему бы и нет, брат (sure why not, brother)”

Mikael smiles as he prepares for yet another go against Sasha, he’s eager to learn from his, uh? Suddenly he can’t quite remember how he knows Sasha exactly as his memories of his persistent pathetic history of being a troll begins to fade from his mind. As the Tetris theme starts once more with the game Mikael finds himself singing along as the words to the folk song it is based on, blushing at the vulgarity therein.

The race is on once more and though he was sure this was a competition against his friend, no, his брат(brother), Sasha, He can’t help but feel a giddiness as the game progresses. He feels a warmth in his chest just from playing a game of his childhood, of his country? No he’s a born and bred statesman da? He’s from, uh Moscow is a city in one of the states too da? Though he finds himself distracted his body continues to expertly control the game subconsciously.

He blushes as he struggles to remember where he grew up, it was a smaller town for sure. Somewhere very far North for sure, after all why else would he grow so hairy! He launches into a hearty laugh as body hair continues to push out from every pore in his body, sure to be peaking out from every shirt collar on both sides. He scratches at his pubes as it becomes clear that even besides his massive package there will evermore be a bulge in his pants from this unkept jungle as well. 

His eyes continue to follow the pieces up and down as they slowly begin to lighten and bleach themselves an icy blue. The itchiness that has made itself at home through the whole of its body is replaced with a burning pleasure as he thinks oh his home. Full days where there is only sun, long treks into the city to visit St. Basil’s, helping his mother fry pirozhki. The hair atop his head bleaches itself a sandy blonde while still thickening and pulling itself short as a lightbulb goes off in his head his voice rumbles in his chest as he reflexively speaks in what must be his mother tongue, “Конечно! я спрошу у Саши (Of course! I’ll just ask Sasha).” 

He goes to pause the game as he now knows he can do and types to Sasha in chat, “hey брат, wher am i от again?” Sasha smirks at just how easy this was stopping short from fully masturbating as he thinks of his new massive countryman living a world away as he replies, “недалеко от Москвы, Миша (just outside of Moscow, Misha).”

Misha’s eyes glaze over as he reads this, the room around him changes, American flags familiar patterns shift into the Russian tricolor. Any writing within the room shifts from English to the cyrillic alphabet and Misha sits there with a smile as he recalls his home. Long winters working alongside his best friend Sasha. His neck thickens and his waist expands as he thinks of long nights drinking alongside his friends to abate the cold. The game of Tetris continues on and he again feels a warmth in his chest at the chance to play with his dearest Друг(friend) Sasha.

For the life of him he can’t quite remember why he has moved to Америки though he is sure that Sasha will know. Sasha always knows the right thing to do. One thing is for sure though, he is going to do his Motherland proud.

[fisheito]

i lied. i'm still here

WHAT GIVE SYOU THE RIGHT

first of all, straight up 14 minutes spent staring athis stupid eyes. what are eyes? squishy orbs with holes in them? dunked in saltwater? connected to a bunch of vermicelli? ludicrous. they don't even know how to stand up straight. duymass orbs standing upside down all day relying on the brain to make sense of its wonky projections. i'm staring at salty upsidedown spheres for too many minutes. ims o anrgy

THE EARRING IS UNMOVED. UNCHANGING. STARING AT ME WITH ITS BEADY SALTORBS. mocking me. this is its everyday. this is normal. you twine that obsidian with the mundanity of the 9-5 grind and i just fume at you. STOP MOCKING ME

WHEN THE HFIOK WAS HE ALLOWED TO EXPOSE SKIN? WHO PULLED DOWN HIS SHIRTT? evil puppyfan whispering in my virtual ear: are those scratches on his back?!?! me: NO THEY AREN'T, THEY ARE JUST DECORATIVE BRUSH STROKES LIKE THE ONES USED FOR BLUSHES

IF THOSE WERE SCRATCHES THEY WOULD BE A HELLUCA LOT DEEPER AND ANGRIER BECAUSE THIS SNAKEY BITCGHJ AINT GETTING OFF WITH JUST A WARNING

wait hold up a minut

who pulled this thing down. doesn't he have a rather tight collar around his neck? there's no way someone could so easily just drag his entire torso's worth of clothing down past his shoulders-- *checks my notes*

DID THEY ONLY GIVE HIM HIS SECOND LAYER ? WHERE'S HIS SHIRT? i don't see any of that telltale white-

ok, well, there it is,? so, he's wearing it after all, but HOW DID THEY PULL DOWN THE UNDERSHIRT SO EASILY IS IT BAGGIER THAN EXPECTED? bruh i don't THINK so the waay that silk vacuum-seals to yakumo's skinnyarss chest in his regular sprite DID THEY TEAR IT APART?!?!?! just ripped at the neck. he can sew. he can fix it later on his own time. we got shoulders to expose here

WAIT. WHY IS HE WET? WHO THREW A BUCKET OF WATER ON HIM? other evil fan whispering in my alternate earhole: oh, they're ALL wet in their bday pics. don't worry, fish. it's like misting the vegetables in the grocery store-- me: I AM NOT MOLLIFIED BY THIS NEWS. WHY IS HEWET!!!!

way too godadam wet..... downright sopping😡

actually, that's a mighty fine bow. i wonder who tied that. it's a picturesque bow. i can never get my bows to look so perfect irl. very even. no lumpy sides. honestly, i wouldn't put it past eiden or olivine with their crafty hands to be able to pull that off-- EXCUSE ME WHAT THE TFOKF

WHO UNDID HIS PANTS W H A T

HE ALREADY HAS BARE SHOULDERS THAT'S AS SLUTTY AS IT GETS FOR THIS EXCESSIVELYBUBBLEWRAPPED SPAGHETT NOW YOU'RE PULLING HIS PANTS DOWN? HIS HIPS ARE GONNA GET COLD

stupid fkin hipbone on the bonyffikin snaek i'm gonna rip[ his greeater trochanter clean off his pelvis

WHATEVER. i'm fine. i'm totally fine. .......... bony snass out.....

you slap that thing and it's gonna shatter......couldn't even afford basic padding......economy-fare-level-buttmeat gotdamt taunting me with its fragile slappaibility

WHEN will this hoe learn. he beteter put those ankles away befroe he LOSES them i am THIsc lose to BITING THEM OFF his SNAPPABLE fibula PUT SOME SOCKS ON YOU WHORE

stupid anime legs. makes no sense. too frghign long couldn't even be contained by the border of the image. got cut off by the edge because his frivolous stilts had to stretch beyond reasonable restraints. surrender your left kneecap to customs. punishment for your femur hubris.

HOW FAR DOWN HAVE THOSE PANTS BEEN PULLED IVE NEVER WANTED TO SUCK A------

you're barely even tied up you dweeb there's nothing tethering you here if you stood up i bet the whole thing would unravel and you'd be completely unencumbered by that lightweight ribbon. i bet if we turned you around we would only see the ribbon loosely draping across your chest like a celebratory sash . congratulations on your self-contained imprisonment you wibbly reptilian beansprout

GOD HE DOES NOT STOP WIBBLING EVEN HIS ACCURSED LIPS ARE 〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜

UGH HE IS ALL NECK I'M GOING TO ROAST HIS SPINAL COLUMN AND TURN HIM INTO GRAVY

I HATE IT HERE

[ruinationz]

pomni's asking caine if he would love her if she was a worm. lol. i was gonna write "is that a thing humans ask their lovers" but my handwriting is (foghorn sfx)

pomni is such a dork hehe. lol

also she's fine!! she is just. very in love. flustered

Trashy unshared showtime doodles including a shitty comic that was probably funnier in my head

[oh-stars]

Ice Bath

wc: 509 | cw: N/A | gen rating | for @steddiemicrofic | Prompt: "edge"

---

Steve feels ancient. He may be active and still the strongest of their team, but he can feel his body fighting against him more and more every day. It’s like it wants to crumble under the weight, his knees cracking and the discs in his spine wobbling. 

That doesn’t mean he isn’t fighting to keep what little remains intact. 

He spends hours every day training his body to be at its prime, to show off a finesse of strength and agility that most people have lost with comfort. Runs, weights, extreme obstacles; you name it and Steve has it in his workout routine. 

Steve shivers as he steps into the ice bath, trying to soothe his inflamed muscles and numb the pain… everywhere. Another grueling part of his routine. 

“I don’t know why you do this to yourself,” Eddie says from his spot on the closed toilet seat. “You’re miserable every time—“

“It helps,” Steve says, “even if it sucks in the moment.”

Robin hums a note from the ‘um, actually’ scale and kicks her feet so her heels bang against the cabinets beneath her seat on the counter. “Is it really worth it?” 

Another necessary evil to his routine: the peanut gallery. 

Steve squeezes his eyes shut. “Yes,” his teeth clatter with the syllable. He tries to even his breathing, taking in intentional breaths to distract from the biting chill. 

“Really?” Eddie asks, incredulously. Without looking, Steve knows his eyebrow is raised and his arms are crossed as a teasing smile halfway between fond and something Steve can never pinpoint dances on his face. 

“Is this about your youth again?” Robin asks, using a blend of her 'Steve' voice and a British accent — the voice she and Eddie use to tease him about his vanity or the silly ideals his parents shoved down his throat. 

Eddie gasps, adopting the same voice, “Oh can’t you see our dearest Steven is wilting before our eyes, Robilina?” 

Robin also gasps and Steve just knows they’re swooning into one another. “Oh Edwarnold,” she yelps, “whatever will we do?” 

Steve sighs and runs a hand over his face, dropping ice-cold water all over himself. He’s submerged to his chest, but at this rate, he wants to dunk himself and both of his loving dweebs under the layer of ice in his small bath. “Sue me for trying to keep my body in peak fitness,” he says, glaring at their giggling faces, “some of us actually have to fight.” 

Eddie gasps for real this time, leaning forward as his eyes narrow. “This isn’t about you getting old,” he crows, “this is about Wheeler beating you in the relay!” 

He throws up his hands, water splashing and revealing more of his pebbled skin. “I’ve lost my edge! It wasn’t even a close race!”

Robin laughs so hard she’s crying as Eddie leans forward to kiss Steve’s hair, a condensing gesture he won’t ever turn down. 

Steve continues, “I’ll take losing to Nancy, fine, but Mike? How the hell did I lose to Mike Wheeler?”

—

Thanks @lady-lostmind for betaing 💜

[shinelikethunder]

as some kind of belated cultural experience I'm trying to watch The West Wing for the first time, and man, i'm sorry, i can see where the appeal lies, i'm sure there's all kinds of commentary to be had on how weirdly it's aged, etc... but i can't hear ANY of that over my primal urge to dunk Aaron Sorkin's smug face in a middle-school locker-room toilet and go "debate THIS, dweeb" as i give him a swirlie

[lovelyo]

You Can’t Spell Polin Without Colin

Let me be clear. This ain’t a Colin appreciation post. Colin is an entitled, selfish dweeb but even I can see from his POV.

And somehow the Polin fans who swear up and down they love him can’t.

“Colin is a bitch boy”

“Colin stayed mad at Penelope for too long”

“Where’s supportive husband Colin? Where’s Colin ‘My Wife’ Bridgerton?”

“He just needs to forgive her already, get over it!”

This is gonna be a long one.

“Colin is a bitch boy”

That’s a perfect way to invalidate a man’s feelings. Let’s rage about misogyny but talk shit about guys who has feelings 😒. How is he a bitch boy for being upset at someone he loves for lying to him for years, even before they came intimate and when they were just friends.

He was open and transparent with Penelope every step of the way, bared his heart to her, was vulnerable with her and was happy to see that what he wanted was right there in front of him… only for him to find out she’s LW, the person who has been dunking on him and his family, LW whom he loathed. He cried ffs when he found out. The reason that hurt the most wasn’t that she was LW, it’s that she lied to him. She didn't spare a thought that he needed to know about such secrecy i.e, not giving a shit about his feelings. It mirrored exactly what Marina did. (On top of that, he realized that it was her that sent Marina to her doom) She didn’t reciprocate that same vulnerability he did for her and by the end of the season, still chose LW over him and he just had to sit there and take it.

You wanna talk about men not giving a shit about women’s feelings but it’s alright for women to do the same for men in the name of “girlbossing” 🤢

Colin in 2 weeks simmered down about the hurt Penelope has caused him while it took Penelope several months to get over one comment he said about her, which isn’t even detrimental because COLIN DOESN’T OWE PENELOPE A GODDAMN THING! You can’t get mad at someone who doesn’t want to date you. Who do you think you are to even believe you have a claim to someone like they’re a possession. She ghosted him for months over this while he had and did get over lies, shame, and betrayal in, again, a small amount of time. Who’s the bigger whiny bitch?

“Colin stayed mad at Penelope for too long”

Staying mad for too long? He didn’t stay mad long enough! Please contextualize. This man has been in scheming scandals with the Featherington family since season 1 lol. People are forgetting the trauma that he got from the pregnancy scandal, mainly the embarrassment from it being exposed by LW and having the whole ton know his business, which is humiliating as fuck and made him look like a fool(this is why I keep telling you ding dongs to stop saying LW saved the Bridgertons, she did not!) He had to null the engagement with the diamond of the season.

The start of his hatred for LW started from season 1. Colin told Penelope that she should’ve told him to his face about the pregnancy.

“Aschually 🤓☝️, she did try.”

Actually, she did not.

She tried to hint that Marina was still in love with a soldier, not “hey, the misses you trying to spit game at is preggo.” So his friend, knowing this info, instead of telling him the proper information privately to his face as a fricking friend should, printed out his business.

And let’s play devil’s advocate. Ok, Pen told Colin about the pregnancy and Colin didn’t listen. In the same season, we saw Violet do damage control and spinning the rumor windmill to help her daughter get the fuck away from Berbrooke. Penelope knows how supportive and protective the Bridgertons are with each other and also knows how much they like her since she’s friends with Eloise and Colin. Violet would’ve definitely listened, told Colin, and stirred something up to aid the situation.

But nah.

So that happened plus before that scandal came out, LW mocked Daphne for her lack of suitors and said Marina was incomparable, not Daphne. And then the Eloise scandal, all because of LW. Three Bridgertons struck. Even Season 3, LW talked shit about Colin being fake, so Penelope embarrassed him in front of the ton twice. And of course, she had an excuse, “I just wanted the old Colin back!” So you embarrassing him in front of the ton was gonna make him sweet and kind again? 😬

The woman he loves belittled him twice and clearly stands by it 'cause she’s not giving up LW, just not writing it under anonymity. 'So imma acknowledge that I hurt you, the person I love, but I’m not gonna do anything to fix it, but I want you to still support and love me, regardless of what I do,' is essentially what she's saying.

What utter shit, and then we got Pen stans/Polin fans: “Stfu Colin, your angst is ruining my fantasy ship, go kiss, finger, and fuck Penelope already.”

Oh Christ. It’s like whoever doesn’t cater to Penelope deserves the noose.

“Where’s supportive husband Colin? Where’s Colin ‘My Wife’ Bridgerton?”

Where’s supportive wife Penelope? Where’s Penelope ‘I Love You’ Bridgerton? She has declared her love but hasn't really shown it throughout season 3. Show > Tell. Action > Words. With the lies told to him from past to current, this guy undoubtedly has trust issues. How can he believe her? We the viewers saw Pen Hilton pining after Colin through season 1 & 2, but Colin himself doesn't know that she liked him before then. He even said that he thought she wouldn't feel the same about him as he did about her. So when the feeling is finally mutual, Penelope just doesn't do much. It's like she tells him, "I love you" just so he can shut his fucking piehole.

We've seen, despite Colin being upset, him still loving her, wanting her and working through the pain so he can look at Penelope and not immediately think of LW.

"B-B-But, uh, the entrapment comment was too harsh!"

First off, you people act like you have never said mean things to someone out of anger during a fight.

Second, like how you guys say LW is harsh but tells the truth(which is a complete lie, but nothing surprises me anymore with this fandom) that comment was harsh, but he told the truth. She did trap him. While he did ruin her previous proposal, he did chase down her carriage, but right after he proposed, she blabbed to the whole ton the next morning about the engagement(this showed how much the Bridgertons are morons, but I digress). If anything happened, it’d be hard for him to back out without everyone knowing and questioning his honor. It’d be his second time cutting off an engagement and it’d be his 3rd time being humiliated.

He asked if she wanted to be intimate, she immediately said yes. Eloise told her to tell him even before they had sex, but she didn't. Penelope knew Colin hated LW but still agreed to sex before she told him. She didn't even tell him, he had to found out tailing her carriage! So screw you freaks, that comment was well needed for her ass. As said before, Colin has been duped by the Featherington family so him lashing out and saying that is him telling her, 'Prove to me you're not like Marina." (She isn't. She's worse).

"Book!Colin was more supportive!"

Of course he was; LW didn't hurt him, his family, or anyone else. LW wasn't vicious like she is in the show. When Book!Colin found out about LW, him and Penelope were still friends, they weren't engaged, they didn't have sex; Book!Colin didn't hate LW. He was just jelly that Penelope made a legacy own her and he was there still purposeless at age 33(something the show tried to emulate but fell flat in a pile of horse shit). The situation in the show is way worse than what it was in the book. Book!Colin would hate Show!Penelope.

Where was Penelope's support when she saw that he was emotionally damaged by the LW reveal? Where were her attempts to mend the drift when she saw that he wouldn't sleep with her in their marital bed? Where was the comfort when she saw him lying on the couch, mentally worn out? She just passed by him and even suggested leaving in separate carriages. She did not support him when he was at his lowest, his own wife. Now if the show showed Penelope trying to talk to Colin and comfort him and he responded, "Give me more time.”, then fine.

But that didn't happen. He had to be the one to fix the relationship when she was the reason he was depressed. He never considered giving up on her, clearly with him still marrying her and sleeping on the couch they screwed on right outside their room door where he could’ve slept in another room in that huge ass house. He wanted her to try and reconcile but Penelope gave him nothing.

But he’s being too sulky and not supportive enough though Penelope ain’t returning the favor.

We get drowned with LW drama with the Polin fans admonishing Colin for not being a proper pet to Penelope.

Isn't this show named Bridgerton? What in the fresh hell?

He chose her over his own pride, pain and emotions. Penelope didn't do the same but people want to act like Colin isn't supportive or barely supported her, when in a relationship, it goes both ways. His purpose shouldn't be to prop up Penelope but that's what the show limits him to, F his feelings, f his mental health, girlboss Penelope deserves her man and her HEA as if he's a reward or a consolation prize, not a person deeply hurt by someone he thought he knew.

“He just needs to forgive her already, get over it!”

Y'all are trash for this. After all what Penelope has done to him, you want him to get over it so quick so you can have more cringe romantic scenes and soulless sex scenes. It took Eloise a year to forgive Penelope(and it happened in the dumbest fashion, but that's another can of worms). Just because they're together doesn't mean a speedy recovery. Actually it's worse 'cause they are together. He even told Eloise that she’s lucky she’s never been in love; it hurt that much.

The fact he chose to stay is already a big step of him getting over it, but that’s not enough it seems. You want him to get over the hurt she did to him, the lies, the loss of his own agency ‘cause like it or not, Colin still wanted to marry Marina even after knowing the truth but Penelope took away his decision to ensure his availability for her. She embarrassed his family a good number of times. But hey, get over it Colin.

He’s second when it comes to Penelope. He asked this beotch to give up the gossip column, a thing that caused him and others pain throughout the years, to be with him, forget the past and start their new life together. Nope, she chose her career. LW is power and she still wants that manipulative power so take the L from your wife Colin. Her ego won the day, not their love; Penelope is Colin’s first. LW is Penelope’s first, get over it Colin. It’s harsh af knowing you’ll never be first in the heart of the woman that you love.

If anyone needs to get over anything, it’s Penelope. She should’ve been got over Colin’s comment, now stew in her own shit for months; she’s not entitled to his feelings. She should’ve gotten over the damn gossip column that does more harm than good ‘cause if she’s such a great writer, then explore other avenues of writing. You’re already established, it’ll be nothing of you for your works to become popular since the ton already knows you’re a great writer.

The damage for Colin is deep but he must get over it to be the cushion for Penelope, for him to be in the shadows so Penelope can take all the shine ‘cause “feminism woo hoo!” She’s a career woman and Colin’s purpose is just to love Penelope and nothing more.

Penelope, Penelope, Penelope, it’s all about Penelope.

Their relationship shouldn't be imbalanced like it is. The ship is called POLIN. Colin is just as important as Penelope, but the show and even the fans don’t treat it as such. He’s turned to some irrelevant sidekick who’s an accessory for Penelope and his purpose: well of course it is Penelope.

The show made him publish his journals at the end to be like “see look, he does have a purpose of his own!”, though we rarely saw a lead up to that. It’s addressed once, the LW drama comes in, that part of him is buried until the final episode where it’s framed that his anger was jealousy all along, not him having a vendetta against LW for harming him and his loved ones.

Bullshit on top of bullshit.

Yeah, maybe he should’ve went up there and stood with her when she was giving her god awful speech, but his ‘If my only purpose in life is to love a woman as great as you’ toxic feminism speech would’ve just dulled it. Plus, I don’t think people know how abusive that speech is.

They should’ve stood together, Queen deus ex machina gives her pardon, and then he gives her a speech about how the wound is still there but he knows it’ll heal, to be honest with each other going forward, to put the past to rest and continue on into the future, hand in hand as Mr and Mrs. Bridgerton. Cringe, but at least love is the focus. Him being the man behind the woman instead of the man beside the woman undermined their love story and undermined the ridiculous feminism narrative too, sacrificing the equality aspect of both of it.

I’m just ranting at this point but anyway, this ain’t the Penelope show. Give Colin some fucking grace like you do your Mary Sue.

[red-elric]

thinking about final form vriskas perspective on johnvris

-flirt w a boy for a whole day while u guide him through sburb

-originally think hes kind of a dweeb but hes fun and genuine and easy to talk to and he seems to actually like you

-end up telling him things youve never told anyone else, really bare your soul to this guy and he takes you at face value and accepts you for who you are without judgement

-think youre about to die (unrelated) and a three years older version of him punches you in the face and says its to save your life for the sake of the timeline

-spend three years on a meteor with no contact with him bc hes not even in your frame of reality

-go through some dream bubbles during this time; someone probably tells you the other dead version of you and he had a falling out and he now thinks youre kind of a bad person

-get a sweet diamonds girlfriend on the way btw

-reunite w him finally after three years, playing it cool bc if he doesnt want you you dont want him either

-hes flirting with your diamonds girlfriend the whole time and also not paying attention to you and your diamonds girlfriend is flirting back

-whatever

-time to go dunk on the dead version of you that fucked things up with him!!!

-you hate her for unrelated reasons tho dont worry. its got nothing to do with unresolved feelings for your three year old crush

-none at all

-absolutely not

[goaliekisses]

THE DWEEB ENERGY. the face of a man who got dunked and is pink and squirming from it

[pearlypairings]

updated fic: "there is a light that never goes out"

photocheer || ch7/? || total wc: 24k || slow burn, pining, fluff

chap summary: Chrissy wants to help with the photo development, and Jonathan wants to spend as much time as he can with her before their deal is over. His feelings only grow stronger the more they talk and finds out about who she really is behind her status.

read here on ao3 :)

sneak preview below the break:

“Will was probably glad to answer the phone and get away from Mr. Craig’s diorama. He loves drawing, but can’t stand miniatures apparently.”

“God I hated that project.” Chrissy huffed. “I’d rather write out my thoughts.”

“You had Craig?”

“Ouch, I’ll pretend that didn’t sting,” she whined, nursing a fake wound over her heart with a pout.

He shot her a questioning look, feeling more self-conscious than before.

Her gloved hands dunked into the chemical wash to grab the next photo, lifting it in the air to gently wiggle the extra off. She smiled faintly at the photo in front of her. “We were in the same class freshman year. I was all the way in the back, though, easy to miss.”

Jonathan froze in the middle of reaching for the next photograph. “No, that can’t be right.”

Oh that's right, Jonathan!! You forgot about the love of your life being in your class, because you hated your teacher too much, you pretentious dweeb :P

thank you for being patient while I had many difficult things going on in my life. this chapter was slowly pieced together with the help of @1lostsoul0fishbowl as I navigated some personal challenges<3

hope you all enjoy this sweet, vulnerable chapter for both chrissy and jonathan<3

[isetmyfriendsonfire]

liberal dweebs think they're so cool for dunking on elon musk now that it's become popular and acceptable to do so (🙄) but i was doing that shit when he was still the epic rick and morty reddit guy and what do i get for it? fucking nothing. being a full time hater is thankless work