#durante is also there if you squint

[fatedroses]

Tender meetings and harsh disciplining.

[validtrollnames]

There’s a couple pokémon who can fit ancestor names! Like Granbull and Cacturne. Also, Arceus and Bidoof would be valid troll names

A couple, yes. In fact, here's all of them 😎

Valid ancestor names: Venusaur, Squirtle, Caterpie, Beedrill, Raticate, Nidoran♀ + Nidoran♂ (if you squint), Nidorina, Nidorino, Nidoking, Clefairy, Clefable, Parasect, Venomoth, Primeape, Arcanine, Alakazam, Graveler, Rapidash, Slowpoke, Magneton, Shellder, Cloyster, Magikarp, Gyarados, Vaporeon, Kabutops, Articuno, Meganium, Totodile, Croconaw, Hoothoot, Spinarak, Chinchou, Ampharos, Politoed, Skiploom, Jumpluff, Sunflora, Quagsire, Slowking, Snubbull, Granbull, Qwilfish, Ursaring, Magcargo, Remoraid, Delibird, Skarmory, Houndour, Porygon2 (if you squint), Stantler, Smeargle, Smoochum, Larvitar, Sceptile, Blaziken, Swampert, Ludicolo, Pelipper, Vigoroth, Shedinja, Makuhita, Hariyama, Nosepass, Delcatty, Meditite, Medicham, Illumise, Carvanha, Sharpedo, Camerupt, Trapinch, Cacturne, Zangoose, Lunatone, Barboach, Whiscash, Corphish, Castform, Dusclops, Chimecho, Clamperl, Gorebyss, Regirock, Rayquaza, Torterra, Chimchar, Monferno, Prinplup, Empoleon, Staravia, Roserade, Cranidos, Shieldon, Wormadam, Floatzel, Drifloon, Drifblim, Skuntank, Bronzong, Garchomp, Munchlax, Croagunk, Lumineon, Togekiss, Porygon-Z, Dusknoir, Froslass, Giratina, Oshawott, Samurott, Lillipup, Purrloin, Simisage, Simisear, Simipour, Musharna, Unfezant, Gigalith, Sewaddle, Swadloon, Leavanny, Venipede, Cottonee, Basculin, Krokorok, Darumaka, Maractus, Sigilyph, Tirtouga, Archeops, Trubbish, Garbodor, Minccino, Cinccino, Ducklett, Deerling, Sawsbuck, Frillish, Beheeyem, Accelgor, Stunfisk, Mienshao, Pawniard, Braviary, Zweilous, Larvesta, Cobalion, Virizion, Tornadus, Landorus, Reshiram, Meloetta, Genesect, Fennekin, Greninja, Bunnelby, Vivillon, Meowstic, Doublade, Spritzee, Slurpuff, Dragalge, Hawlucha, Phantump, Bergmite, Torracat, Trumbeak, Gumshoos, Vikavolt, Oricorio, Cutiefly, Ribombee, Rockruff, Lycanroc, Mareanie, Mudsdale, Dewpider, Fomantis, Lurantis, Morelull, Salandit, Salazzle, Tsareena, Oranguru, Type: Null, Silvally, Dhelmise, Tapu Koko, Tapu Lele, Tapu Bulu, Tapu Fini, Solgaleo, Nihilego, Buzzwole, Guzzlord, Necrozma, Magearna, Melmetal, Thwackey, Drizzile, Inteleon, Greedent, Rookidee, Orbeetle, Eldegoss, Rolycoly, Appletun, Arrokuda, Sinistea, Impidimp, Alcremie, Frosmoth, Indeedee, Drakloak, Ursaluna, Sneasler, Overqwil, Enamorus, Crocalor, Quaxwell, Maushold, Dachsbun, Arboliva, Maschiff, Shroodle, Grafaiai, Bramblin, Capsakid, Espathra, Tinkaton, Cyclizar, Orthworm, Glimmora, Greavard, Cetoddle, Clodsire, Frigibax, Arctibax, Chien-Pao, Koraidon, Miraidon

Valid troll names: Weedle, Kakuna, Pidgey, Fearow, Raichu, Vulpix, Golbat, Oddish, Meowth, Mankey, Machop, Ponyta, Dodrio, Grimer, Gastly, Gengar, Krabby, Cubone, Rhydon, Horsea, Seadra, Staryu, MrMime, Magmar, Pinsir, Tauros, Lapras, Kabuto, Zapdos, Mewtwo, Furret, Ledyba, Ledian, Crobat, Cleffa, Togepi, Mareep, Marill, Hoppip, Wooper, Espeon, Pineco, Gligar, Scizor, Slugma, Swinub, Phanpy, Elekid, Raikou, Celebi, Mudkip, Dustox, Lombre, Seedot, Kirlia, Skitty, Mawile, Lairon, Aggron, Plusle, Gulpin, Swalot, Spoink, Spinda, Flygon, Cacnea, Swablu, Baltoy, Lileep, Feebas, Wynaut, Glalie, Spheal, Sealeo, Beldum, Metang, Regice, Latias, Latios, Kyogre, Deoxys, Grotle, Piplup, Starly, Bidoof, Luxray, Mothim, Combee, Buizel, Stunky, Bonsly, MimeJr, Chatot, Gabite, Snover, Dialga, Palkia, Phione, Arceus, Emboar, Dewott, Patrat, Pidove, Woobat, Audino, Yamask, Archen, Swanna, Emolga, Joltik, Tynamo, Elgyem, Golett, Golurk, Durant, Zekrom, Kyurem, Keldeo, Spewpa, Litleo, Pyroar, Skiddo, Gogoat, Espurr, Skrelp, Tyrunt, Amaura, Goodra, Klefki, Noibat, Rowlet, Litten, Bewear, Comfey, Wimpod, Minior, Komala, Drampa, Kommo-o, Cosmog, Lunala, Meltan, Raboot, Sobble, Nickit, Wooloo, Yamper, Carkol, Applin, MrRime, Eiscue, Cufant, Dreepy, Zacian, Zarude, Quaxly, Nymble, Pawmot, Smoliv, Dolliv, Squawk Abilly, Brambl Eghast, Rellor, Rabsca, Varoom, Veluza, Ting-Lu, Poltch Ageist (XD)

Valid kid names: Abra, Seel, Onix, Jynx, Natu, Xatu, Ho-Oh, Aron, Uxie, Sawk, Axew, Snom, Iron (Treads, Bundle, Hands, Jugulis, Moth, Thorns, Valiant, Leaves, Boulder, Crown), [Great Tusk, Scream Tail, Flutter Mane, Slither Wing, Roaring Moon, Walking Wake, Raging Bolt - if you swap the order]

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Entire correction list for the LAOFT post: May is Roman's grandma, not his mum (she did raise him though). Virgil is Spider Prince, not Spider King. Patton's dad saved White, not his mum. Logan isn't a selkie, he's a Seelie. And you'll be glad to hear: I don't think there was enough left of Durant's body to bury. Other than that I think you were right on all counts.

*Squinting* Y’know, I remember the term ‘unseelie’ and yet I go and write selkie. I mean... what did I expect from myself

Also that’s it? I only got like four? five? things wrong????

I’m proud of me. That or the fae that I must have angered into forcing me to write it correctly because oooooh boy I expected a lot more mistakes

But I’ll take it! Thanks for the clarifications!!

also SUCK IT SERPENT MONSTER ENJOY NOT HAVING ENOUGH BODY TO TRULY BURY

[junker-town]

The Celtics are not quite championship contenders. Yet.

The Boston Celtics are building, but no one is sure to what yet.

The Celtics’ window is cracked open again, that alone should be reason to celebrate their season. 

The Celtics have lost four of six including Wednesday night’s abomination against Detroit, during which the exceptionally mediocre Pistons shot 60 percent on Boston’s home floor. The C’s were porous at the point of attack defensively and out of sorts on the offensive end.

Adding injury to insult, Jayson Tatum missed the game with knee soreness and Jaylen Brown sprained the thumb on his shooting hand. All of that comes just in time for a showdown game with the Eastern Conference leading Bucks on Thursday night.

Perhaps this a bad time to take a holistic view of where the Celtics stand vis-a-vis the rest of their competition, but it’s important to remember that they entered the season with little fanfare and muted expectations. Despite replacing Kyrie Irving’s production with his statistical doppelganger and polar opposite in Kemba Walker, they were hamstrung in finding a suitable replacement for Al Horford who left in free agency.

Gone were the days when the Celtics could dream about putting together an ad-hoc superteam. Competence and competitiveness would have to replace championship considerations. The C’s would still be good, sure, but more like, maybe-win-a-playoff-round good, rather than championship timber.

Fittingly, there were more esoteric goals in place. This was a low-pressure opportunity for Brown and Tatum to get their development back on track. And for Gordon Hayward, this season would be a chance to get his own career back on solid footing.

Essentially, the 2019-20 Celtics had one job: to restore confidence in the direction of the franchise. Or, as coach Brad Stevens put it: have a team Boston would root for again. They nailed all of that before Thanksgiving, playing an appealing brand of ball rooted in a swarming defensive style.

Despite their recent funk, the C’s are on pace to win 55 or so games and finish with a top two or three seed in the East. The Bucks are the prohibitive favorites and the Sixers are a matchup nightmare*, but Boston’s unexpected regular season success has changed the postseason calculus ever so slightly.

*Quick aside: Even if Horford doesn’t find his rhythm with the Sixers, his defection to Philly has turned that matchup on its head. That alone is worth the price of his deal.

The question we have before us, then, is this: are the Celtics championship contenders? The easy answer is, Yes, of course. They have the second-best record in the East, a trio of players who could be considered All-Stars, and a leading contender for Defensive Player of the Year, to go along with a top-5ish offense and defense.

Give them a little seeding luck -- placing them somewhere far, far away from Philly -- along with a clean bill of health this spring and there’s certainly a chance they could get to a conference final. That’s a contender, right?

In the NBA, the longer answer is, No, not really. What the Celtics lack is a top-5 player, a superstar who can carry a team through the gut-wrenching pressure of the postseason. There is no Kawhi Leonard, LeBron James, or Kevin Durant here. Throughout NBA history, teams with those kind of players are the ones who win championships.

In the last four decades, there has been only one exception that proves the rule. That team was the 2004 Pistons, who made up for a lack of top-end talent with a bevy of All-Stars and a coaching legend at the top of his game. That’s how that story gets told, but in retrospect those individual Pistons didn’t get the credit they deserve.

Ben Wallace was a second-team All-NBA center and had a strong case for Defensive Player of the Year (he finished second). While limited offensively, Wallace’s contribution to winning basketball games was superstar caliber.

Underrated as he was, Wallace was Detroit’s lone All-Star participant despite strong campaigns from Chauncey Billups and Rip Hamilton. Additionally, the Pistons went 17-3 with Rasheed Wallace down the stretch after acquiring him at the trade deadline. That team wasn’t limited. It was loaded.

The Pistons also caught a handful of breaks including a weak Eastern Conference and a Laker team hellbent on imploding. If that’s the formula for a non-superstar team to win a championship, then it’s an awfully high standard. If you squint hard enough, however, you could see it taking place in Boston. Real hard.

What the Celtics lack in transcendent starpower, they make up for in quantity and quality. Like Billups in his day, Walker is all NBA-caliber guard having another typically excellent campaign. Tatum and Brown are also coming into their own as cornerstone players and making solid arguments for All-Star inclusion.

Additionally, Marcus Smart is the Ben Wallace of this equation. Smart is an All-Defense game-changer who will make an interesting case for DPOY consideration. Finally, Stevens is an exceptional coach working with exactly the right kind of team for his style, a la Larry Brown with the Pistons.

It could happen. It’s just not that likely.

The wild card is Hayward. After flashing huge promise in the first few weeks of the season, Hayward missed 13 games with a broken hand. That time away allowed Brown and Tatum to emerge as lead scorers. The C’s were just fine without Hayward, going 9-4 during that stretch. Still, the premise of this Celtics team was having multiple shot creators on the wing and Hayward’s playmaking is an integral part of the formula.

More concerning was the time Hayward missed recently with a sore foot. Since returning to the lineup, Hayward’s been solid most nights, yet inconsistent on others. If this is the best version of Hayward the Celtics get, it’s still an upgrade over last season’s frustrating campaign when he was coming off his catastrophic leg injury.

Still, if this is the best Hayward they’ll see, and if the long-term health of the franchise depends on maximizing Brown and Tatum’s abilities, then it makes sense to at least entertain the possibility of a trade that swings the pendulum toward title contention. This would be tricky for a number of reasons.

Hayward has another year left at his option on the max contract he signed in free agency during the summer of 2017. Given his injury history, the assumption has long been that he would exercise that $34 million option. That seems less certain considering he has once again established himself as a quality player, putting him in line for one more lengthy contract.

There’s also not a clear target in view. While Andre Drummond appears interesting on paper, the Celtics have done just fine of filling the center spot on the cheap with Daniel Theis and Enes Kanter. It’s also not clear that Drummond would be the defensive upgrade his counting stats suggest.

At one point, Kevin Love would have made a lot of sense, but not with three years left on his deal. Additionally, Tatum has excelled as a small-ball four man. Perhaps Cavs teammate Tristan Thompson would be a better fit, but while the Celtics are flush with draft picks, they don’t have mid-level contracts that would help balance the respective cap sheets without breaking up their core.

If they could somehow pry Steven Adams from Oklahoma City, that might be a different story. The physical Adams would be the ideal counterweight to Joel Embiid in a playoff series. The cost would be prohibitive, if he’s even attainable at all.

The likelier route is an upgrade on the margins, such as adding another wing to bolster a bench unit that lacks scoring punch. The C’s have half a roster of young players on rookie-scale contracts and are likely to have three first round picks, including the legendary Memphis Pick that now figures to be in the middle of the first round. That’s a strong hand to play at the trade deadline.

All of this depends on whether the front office sees this season as a legitimate chance to win now. The other path, the one more likely, is to stay the course and let things play out. They have a bright future in place with Brown and Tatum and they have already accomplished their prime goals for the regular season. Why mess with a good thing?

After all, we went into this season assuming it would take another offseason to finish rebuilding the foundation. The Celtics’ window is cracked open again, that alone should be reason to celebrate their season.

[jodyedgarus]

Are The Warriors Now The NBA’s Greatest Dynasty?

With three NBA championships over the past four seasons, the Golden State Warriors are a bona fide dynasty. Regardless of how you feel about its 2016 acquisition of Kevin Durant, which lifted an already historic team to an entirely new level of dominance, Golden State has done something special: Only seven NBA teams1 have ever pulled off the three-rings-in-four-years trick. Even for the most talented roster ever, that’s not an easy thing to accomplish.

The league’s history is, in many ways, defined by its dynasties in a manner that other sports aren’t, and the Warriors are nothing if not the defining team of our current era. But where do they rank in comparison with those other dynastic teams from years past? Although there’s no definitively correct answer, it’s still fun to argue. So we thought we’d fact-check Golden State’s case using our Elo ratings, which are designed to measure a team’s inherent strength at any given moment.

Let’s start with the best runs of four consecutive seasons according to the method we favor for judging historical Elo seasons: a blend2 of a team’s final, peak and full-season-average ratings.3 To ensure that a team rated highly every year, I took the harmonic mean of its blended rating from each of the four seasons. Here are the all-time rankings, excluding any duplicates from the same franchise over the same span of years:

Elo’s best four-year runs

Highest average* blended Elo across four consecutive seasons for NBA franchises, 1948-18

Team Seasons Titles 4-Year Blended Elo Golden State Warriors 2015-18 3 1789 Chicago Bulls 1995-98 3 1745 San Antonio Spurs 2013-16 1 1736 San Antonio Spurs 2003-06 2 1719 Chicago Bulls 1991-94 3 1717 Boston Celtics 1984-87 2 1716 Los Angeles Lakers 1985-88 3 1715 Los Angeles Lakers 2008-11 2 1706 Los Angeles Lakers 2000-03 3 1703 Miami Heat 2011-14 2 1702 Utah Jazz 1995-98 0 1702 Milwaukee Bucks 1971-74 1 1701 Philadelphia 76ers 1980-83 1 1698 Detroit Pistons 1987-90 2 1695 Oklahoma City Thunder 2011-14 0 1692

* Using the harmonic mean.

Source: Basketball-Reference.com

According to Elo, the Warriors of the past few years have snapped off what is easily the best stretch of four consecutive seasons any NBA team has ever had. By that standard, then, they absolutely belong in the conversation of the league’s greatest dynasties. But of course, they’ve also only had four dynasty-level seasons to speak of. As hard as it is to remember what things were like before the Warriors started dominating, Golden State’s reign has been brief in dynasty terms.

So how should we measure the Warriors’ four-year stretch against, say, the Chicago Bulls’ pair of three-peats in the 1990s or the Boston Celtics’ ridiculous championship monopoly of the 1960s?

To help put various dynastic runs on equal footing, I began with a thought experiment: How easily would a generic championship-caliber team be able to match a given multiyear run from NBA history? The most difficult-to-replicate stretches are, by definition, the most impressive ones — and in my conception, make for the best dynasties — because a normal contending team is so unlikely to pull them off.

As a way of quantifying this, I assigned our generic team a preseason Elo rating of 1600, aka the average preseason Elo for NBA champs since 1948. I then ran a series of regressions to determine what we’d expect its average blended Elo over the next given stretch of seasons to be and compared every possible stretch of seasons in each franchise’s history to those expected ratings. I isolated things down to NBA teams that won at least three championships in a span of 10 or fewer years and tossed out overlapping runs from the same franchise that didn’t prove to be more impressive than other, higher-ranking ones. The dynastic runs we’re left with are the most successful — i.e., the most difficult to replicate — out of all possible multiyear periods in NBA history.

As you can see in the table below, the most impressive period for one team might last only three years, while another’s could span an entire decade. For example, the current Warriors’ best period came over the 2015 to 2018 period, because their four-year mark of 1789 was 188 points higher than what we’d expect our generic contender’s average blended Elo over the next four seasons to be. Another example: The San Antonio Spurs’ best run came over 10 seasons, from 1998-99 to 2007-08,4 during which time they had a blended Elo rating of 1702 — 145 points better than we’d expect that generic championship-caliber team to do over a 10-season period. Some franchises, like the Bulls, are listed twice in rapid succession, because they had multiple short runs that were highly impressive and didn’t overlap.

Here’s Elo’s ranking of all-time NBA dynasties:

The Warriors are Elo’s most impressive NBA dynasty

Highest multiyear blended Elo rating relative to expectation for a championship-caliber team for NBA franchises that won at least three titles in a span of 10 or fewer years, 1948-2018

Team Seasons Championships Blended Elo vs. Exp. Golden State Warriors 2015-18 3 of 4 1789 +188 Chicago Bulls 1996-98 3 of 3 1793 +181 San Antonio Spurs 1999-08 4 of 10 1702 +145 Chicago Bulls 1991-93 3 of 3 1746 +134 Boston Celtics 1980-87 3 of 8 1696 +130 Los Angeles Lakers 1982-91 4 of 10 1685 +128 Boston Celtics 1959-67 8 of 9 1676 +115 Los Angeles Lakers 1998-04 3 of 7 1684 +112 Minneapolis Lakers 1949-54 5 of 6 1651 +72 Miami Heat 2005-14 3 of 10 1596 +39

A “championship-caliber” team starts out with an Elo of 1600, and dynasties are measured against what we’d project that team’s multiyear blended Elo to be after a given number of years.

For franchises that made the list multiple times in a given time period, only their highest-rated stretch during the span was included.

Source: Basketball-Reference.com

Even compared with other dynasties, the current Warriors and Michael Jordan’s second Bulls three-peat stand out. Our method says that it is slightly more difficult for a typical championship contender to replicate Golden State’s four-year run than Chicago’s three-year stretch, but that’s just splitting hairs. Either dynasty could be considered the GOAT, which is truly a testament to the impressiveness of what the Warriors are currently doing.

A few notes on the rest of the list: The Spurs dynasty is difficult to pin down — we once coined the term “Grover Cleveland” (instead of the often overused D-word) for teams like San Antonio that won multiple championships but never consecutively5 — but this approach considers their most difficult-to-duplicate period to be that aforementioned decade from 1999 to 2008. It also considers the Shaq-and-Kobe Lakers’ best run to be the seven seasons from 1997-98 to 2003-04, which includes (but is not limited to) the 1999-2000 through 2001-02 three-peat that most fans consider to be their dynastic peak.

The Russell-era Celtics strike me as surprisingly low on the list, perhaps as a consequence of only examining 10-year windows of time at a maximum (the Celtics won 11 rings in 13 seasons, from 1957 to 1969). But Elo also has never been all that high on those Boston teams, with only one — the 1965 version — even cracking the top 50 for single seasons. In some ways, those Celtics were a very early prototype for today’s superteams who pace themselves through the regular season and then peak during the playoffs: Boston won 60-plus games in only two of their 11 championship seasons during that span and won a pair of titles with fewer than 50 regular-season wins.6 However conducive that was to winning championships, it didn’t help earn the Celtics many Elo brownie points.

Finally, Dwyane Wade’s Miami Heat also qualify for this list, although they’re not necessarily a “dynasty” that many people think of when perusing the annals of NBA history. Between Wade’s Finals MVP turn in 2006 and the two rings they tacked on after LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined the team in 2010 — plus a number of solid seasons in between7 — the Heat could be considered a dynasty if you squint hard enough. If so, however, it also makes sense for them to be stashed away at the very bottom of the rankings here.

But back to the Warriors. Elo already considers them to be on par with the greatest dynasties the game has ever seen, and as my colleague Chris Herring wrote over the weekend, they also seem poised to keep their core together longer than most. Although the end does come sooner for these types of teams than we tend to think while we’re in the middle of their dominance, Golden State now has a chance to build on what it’s already accomplished and solidify itself as the clear No. 1 choice among the NBA’s all-time dynasties. Let’s see if they can take advantage of the opportunity.

from News About Sports https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/are-the-warriors-now-the-nbas-greatest-dynasty/

[junker-town]

Grant Brisbee presents Grant Brisbee’s 10 favorite Grant Brisbee articles from 2017

A collection of the stories that I’d like you to remember at least once more.

I opened last year’s year-end review with a string of mewling complaints about how bad 2016 was. Buddy, I’m here from the future, and it can get worse. The catch phrase at the end of 2016 was “It can only go up from here!” The catch phrase at the end of 2017 is “as I fall deeper into the abyss, inching closer to a lonely death, know that I hated each and every one of you,” and boy if it doesn’t roll off the tongue. This isn’t going to get better. Stop pretending like the end of the calendar year is going to fix anything. We’re trapped. All of us. We’re going to start using each other for food soon, and I’m okay with t

Whoops, ha ha, got a little dark, anyway, 2017 was also a year in which I wrote a bunch of dumb baseball articles. Some of them I liked! The end of the year always seems like a fine time to share them with you, and it will help you forget about ... you know ... the other stuff. The everywhere things. Baseball is important because it makes you forget about what’s important, and I love it so.

Here are Grant Brisbee’s favorite Grant Brisbee articles of the year, presented by me, Grant Brisbee:

10. Mariners-Angels comeback

This is one of my favorite genres, where I methodically scrutinize a baseball game using grainy screenshots and the occasional GIF. That reads like sarcasm, but I’m absolutely serious. There’s something about diving into the minutiae of a single game and remembering that every foul ball is a hitter not doing his job as well as he wants, and that those are usually in front of every important hit. It will never fail to blow my mind.

This comeback was extra special because it happened against the Mariners, who had an absurd comeback of their own the previous year. They had earned this kind of pain.

I’m not sure about the rest of the pain the Mariners have accumulated, though. That probably exists because of something you did.

9. Defenestrating the Eric Thames hypocrisy

In which Jake Arrieta’s pitching coach hints that an out-of-nowhere success story must be dirty because he came out of nowhere. The pitching coach of Jake Arrieta, who arrived from Baltimore on a bus with a suitcase that had a hole in it and then became one of the best pitchers in baseball.

The pointless PED speculation was stupid then, and it’s stupid now. Sometimes it’s fun to get righteous. This was one of those times.

8. Bryce Harper vs. Hunter Strickland

By most accounts, Strickland is actually a sweet feller. Respected by his teammates, nice to the fans, et cetera. But he sure is a dingus on the mound sometimes. There was no reason for him to throw at Bryce Harper, but boys will be boys. And boys are complete jackasses. We just had a bunch of boys over for a holiday party, and we had paver stones flipped over, a pogo stick thrown into a tomato plant, and a chair that ended up on the roof. As the father of two sweet, perfect girls, these kinds of surprises completely foreign to me, and I must reiterate that boys are complete jackasses. Especially these two baseball boys.

Anyway, the fight was funny because Bryce Harper looked extraordinarily silly throwing his helmet into right field, and I can watch it all day.

7. We’ll miss you, intentional walks

I love dumb baseball stuff. Intentional walks gave us the potential for dumb baseball stuff. Now there’s less dumb baseball stuff. You should be offended, too.

This was written before having that feeling of “Wait, what just h ... oh, right, the walk thing” 50 times during the season. It was always annoying, and I’ll never get used to it. But at least we shaved six seconds off every other game.

6. The Oral History of Tom Brady on the Expos

I write a lot of dumb things, but there’s a special spot in my heart for the dumbest. This piece of historical fiction was certainly the dumbest, featuring a one-note joke that Tom Brady would have made the Expos a successful franchise and a baseball institution.

Except I had all sorts of fun writing it and sucking different characters into my story, like a shirtless Pat Burrell and Montreal’s most popular basketball hero, Kevin Durant. It’s dumb, but it’s already written, so you might as well get dumb along with me.

5. Game 2 of the World Series

I was so convinced that this was going to be the wildest baseball game I would see for a decade. People tried to tell me that Game 7 of the 2016 World Series was wilder, but that’s only because of the stakes inherent in a double-elimination game. Otherwise, that was a sloppy mess of a game with a couple of lead changes. A classic, to be sure. But it wasn’t like Game 2.

There was a fire outside of Dodger Stadium and the whole place smelled like ash. I can’t stress that enough, and it certainly added to the scene, especially when some dude jumped into the Astros bullpen. In retrospect, they probably should have let him throw a few pitches, just to gauge the arm speed.

It was a blast to watch and a blast to write, especially considering that it was going to be the wildest baseball game I would watch for at least 72 hours.

4. Game 5 of the World Series

HOME RUNS. They found shrapnel from this game in operating rooms eight miles away. It was a dumb abomination of a baseball game that we’ll be talking about for years. My favorite part might be remembering that it was once a calm, mellow game with Clayton Kershaw in complete control. Or it might be this:

When you hit the HR ball so hard it explodes on impact http://pic.twitter.com/DDDtJANBaw

— That Dude (@cjzer0) October 30, 2017

I think the national audience had to see a replay to pick up on the fact that the ball landed near the pyrotechnic display, but at the ballpark it was an immediate realization, and it was perfect. That game was baseball exploding. Here’s video proof.

3. Here comes the pizza’s 10th anniversary

I wasn’t a huge Here Comes the Pizza guy. I’d seen the video once or twice, but that was about it. Marc Normandin kept bugging me, though. “Hey, you gonna write about the anniversary?” “The anniversary of Here Comes the Pizza is coming up, you have plans?” So I dug into the video a little more.

And I came out of it a convert. Man, what a stupid and delightful moment in time that was captured perfectly by the perfect announcers to have describing it. A lot of stars had to line up for this moment.

There had to be a dude willing to throw his pizza at another human being, for example.

2. The Marlins are so weird, they ruined the thesis of this feature

The history of Miami baseball — before they had Major League Baseball, even — is strange and painful. I used the horribamazing home run sculpture as a metaphor for it, and I was proud of how it turned out.

The thesis was this: Miami baseball is about to stop being strange and painful because new owners are coming, and they’ll realize how stupid it is to put this city through another painful, PR disaster of a rebuild.

Welp.

Still, a lot of the other points hold. Kind of. I mean, if you squint.

1. The Astros were the perfect team for Houston

This feature came after the first two games of the ALDS, when we weren’t sure if the Astros were going to last more than a few days in the postseason. If I had it to do over again, it would have been something that was published after Game 7, but there was no way to know.

In retrospect, there probably should have been a way to know. This team was special, and I loved following them. The Yuli Gurriel dumbassery took a litle sheen off the perfect story, but there’s still a lot to love about the composition and timing of this team. I loved the moment George Springer, the Connecticut-born son of Panamanian and Puerto Rican immigrants, took the field with a gigantic Texas flag before Game 1 of the ALDS, exhorting the crowd and helping them forget about the pain that was all around them. It was incredibly Houston, a mish-mash of circumstances and realities that didn’t have to make sense, but ultimately did.

Houston is a strange, ugly, beautiful town that probably shouldn’t exist. This team was perfect for them.

Bonus: My favorite headlines from 2017

7. 3 questions about the Cubs coach who is dressed as a Juggalo lawyer

6. Pantless ruffian interrupts Giants-Brewers game, gets beans mashed into infield dirt

5. No, that Cubs player wasn’t flipping off the President of the United States

4. Aaron Judge was doubled off first and called out, but then he was safe after video review, but then he was about to be called out on appeal, so he was thrown trying to steal second, look, just take our word for it

3. Michael Jordan was more denim than man in 1993, and these pictures prove it

2. The Oakland A’s Twitter account told Wendy’s that its hamburgers cause diarrhea

1. Jeffrey Loria reportedly has agreement to sell Miami Marlins

Happy New Year, everybody! It probably won’t get better, but at least baseball will be as silly as ever, and we can use it to ignore everything. It’s as good a plan as any.

[junker-town]

NBA scores 2017: The Thunder still have problems & 4 more things from Friday night

No, the Thunder beating the Warriors didn’t mean they were about to turn everything around.

The more you squint at it, the more Oklahoma City Thunder’s performance in a blowout of the Golden State Warriors looks like an anomaly. In that home atmosphere, with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook even getting into a screaming match, it felt like an emotional turning point in the moment. But a more scientific look at the Thunder proved it wasn’t.

Oklahoma City’s 99-98 loss to Detroit on Friday was further proof of that. The team ran into its same strengths, but more importantly its same weaknesses. I wrote about them following that Golden State game, and we can run through the problems again:

The Thunder’s Big Three still mostly play isolation. Westbrook had 11 assists, but they mostly go to Andre Roberson and Steven Adams. (In this game, Anthony and George got five of the 11.) The starting five, while on the court in lineups together, shot 41 percent and hit only two of their 14 three-point attempts.

The crunch-time offense is especially bad. This is an ongoing problem. Westbrook, after two missed threes with under two minutes, attempted another three as a potential game winner. It missed.

Not sure why Westbrook shot a three http://pic.twitter.com/s01QXuISrI

— Off the Glass (@otgbasketball) November 25, 2017

Their defense, third-best in the league, is keeping them in games. Like I wrote, I ultimately see this as a positive. Their offense can improve — it has the talent, and we know that. It wasn’t clear whether their defense could reach this level, though, and it looks like it can.

Oklahoma City visits Dallas on Saturday, a back-to-back but a manageable one against a bad team. That’s a chance to get back within one game of .500, at least.

We got MVP Steph for an evening

I’ve said this before, but I hated that Kevin Durant went to the Warriors only because it meant that we wouldn’t get this Stephen Curry as often, the guy who did patently absurd things on the basketball court that worked anyway. Like this play, for example.

Stop it, Steph. http://pic.twitter.com/xEKTJk3e52

— Warriors on NBCS (@NBCSWarriors) November 25, 2017

With Durant out, as well as Draymond Green, Curry had 26 points in the second quarter alone. The poor Chicago Bulls thought they might have the smallest of chances given the absences, and Curry ripped their heart out and consumed it on live television. That’s a not nice thing to do, Mr. Curry. Think of the children!

Also, Steve Kerr is still clowning around

Steve Kerr is "shuffling" the lineup tonight. http://pic.twitter.com/7po5KDh603

— Warriors on NBCS (@NBCSWarriors) November 25, 2017

This is an ongoing bit of his. We have suggestions for the next gag!

Our Magical early season darling is no longer having fun

The Orlando Magic started 6-2, and then 8-4, and now they’ve lost seven in a row. Ah man. I really liked Orlando!

It’s more complicated than just this alone, but look at the three-point shooting. The Magic started their first eight games shooting 44.2 percent, and now they’re hitting only 33.2 percent. Their opponents only knocked down 28.3 percent against them in that 6-2 open, and now they’re burying 41.0 percent of attempts from deep. That’s regression to the mean more than anything that the Magic are doing wrong. It was bound to happen.

Daryl Morey roasted the Raptors! (Kind of)

Speaking of regression to the mean, here’s a real, actual Daryl Morey tweet.

https://t.co/Cwr7b8hvmz

— Daryl Morey (@dmorey) November 25, 2017

Yes, that’s Morey tweeted out a link to the Wikipedia article for “regression to the mean” to a New York Times reporter. Oh man, this feels like the sickest burn ever.

Well, sort of. Morey was really just pointing out how everything normalizes eventually, as stats-minded people like Morey are aught to do.

A common explanation for the perceived effect is that athletes are generally featured after an exceptionally good performance. Their future performance is likely to display regression toward the mean.

— Daryl Morey (@dmorey) November 25, 2017

He’s right. But let me just say that I prefer the version where Morey is saying that the Raptors were only losing games because they’re actually bad and won games due to luck, or whatever.

Celtics have started another one

A new streak begins. http://pic.twitter.com/5ndIgHYvSo

— SB Nation (@SBNation) November 25, 2017

Friday’s final scores

Trail Blazers 127, Nets 125 (Blazer’s Edge recap | Nets Daily recap)

Hawks 116, Knicks 104 (Peachtree Hoops recap | Posting & Toasting recap)

Celtics 118, Magic 103 (Celtics Blog recap | Orlando Pinstriped Post recap)

Cavaliers 100, Hornets 99 (Fear the Sword recap | At the Hive recap)

Pacers 107, Raptors 104 (Indy Cornrows recap | Raptors HQ recap)

Heat 109, Timberwolves 97 (Hot Hot Hoops recap | Canis Hoopus recap)

Pistons 99, Thunder 98 (Detroit Bad Boys recap | Welcome to Loud City recap)

Nuggets 104, Grizzlies 92 (Denver Stiffs recap | Grizzly Bear Blues recap)

Pelicans 115, Suns 91 (The Bird Writes recap | Bright Side of the Sun recap)

Warriors 143, Bulls 94 (Golden State of Mind recap | Blog a Bull recap)