#dunno how this got lost in my drafts

[tremendouscreationperson]

Logan x Reader pt.17

My dudes I'm sorry, ya girl is having a shit time ATM and not even Logan is helping (I know right) I wrote this and it's been sitting in my drafts cuz I think it's shitty and I might redo bits but it's been like fucking forever so ??? If it's actually awful let me know cuz I can't even tell anymore.. I know I'm slowly loosing the cool ideas I used to have fuck menta illness am I right

But if you can enjoy please do

<<Part 16 Masterlist

Waking up next to Logan perfect, getting up was difficult. You wanted to burrow down and never leave the warm cocoon.

He must've felt the same as he pulled you in tighter the second he felt you rouse.

“Missed this.” He muttered into your hair.

Your eyes were too heavy to open. “Same.”

Logan took a big whiff of your scalp and let out a satisfied sigh. “You smell so good, sweet.”

“So do you.” Nuzzled his chest. It was so warm and inviting and felt like home. You felt at more ease right now with Logan than you had the last two weeks.

That's because he was your home.

It didn't matter where you were, as long as Logan was here you were home.

And fuck it, Dave was right: he didn't deserve to be lied to.

“I've-” you took a deep breath, raising your head to make eye contact. It was truly an effort for him to keep his lids open but he did it for you. “I've been having a hard time.”

Logan woke instantly, his brows furrowed as his easy grip on your waist became more solid. “Tell me.”

You shrugged one shoulder, “the mansion wasn't what I expected it to be. Well, no it was - it was the exact fucking same - but the feeling I got wasn't. I-” Fuck, how was it so easy to talk to Dave but impossible with Logan? You busied your hands by playing with his chest hair, eyes trained away from his face. “They didn't know me. They said hi and introduced themselves and I had to keep myself from screaming I know you! You are my family. Storm I know you secretly love Karaoke, Beast you hate when Kurt moves your stationary, Scott you were my fucking man of Honour!” Logan's hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping tears you hadn't registered. Allowing yourself a quick glance you saw the sympathetic mask he wore and hated it. You didn't want pity, you just wanted to explain yourself, so you continued. “And then I feel guilty because I feel annoyed. And I'm stupid enough to feel jealous that Laura and Gambit fit in. I should love that they have friends in this world, that they have a place to go to where they can be their authentic selves. But it... It hurts.” You sniffed, furiously blinking the tears away.

“It's okay.” He soothed.

“I miss Laura.” You whispered. “She doesn't need me out here.”

“Of course she does.” Logan vowed. “She will always need you. You're her mother.”

“But I'm not tho-”

“You are." His face was serious. He meant it. "You are her mother.”

You let out a humorous puff. “Speaking of, you weren't the only one to have a family reunion.”

Logan's hand stopped yours from twiddling his hair. “You saw your mom?”

You nod once. “She's doing well. My dad, too.”

“Your dad?” He was surprised. “I thought it was just the two of you?”

“Yeah, in every universe where I'm born they're miserable and break up.” You shrugged. “I dunno what the common denominator is.”

“I'd take you over their marriage.” He spoke earnestly.

“I know you would.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. “It's just hard for me to see myself the way you see me.”

“I wish I could show you.” He squeezed your palm. “You're my everything. I haven't loved anything the way I love you.”

There was no way you could hear that - the unashamed truth he poured directly onto you, this almost-immortal who had loved and lost tenfold telling you he hadn't experienced this before - in this state without having to deflect. It was like looking at the sun, you shied away. “Not even beer?”

“Not even beer.”

“Milkshakes?”

“No.”

“Skimpy underwear?”

Logan pretended to ponder that and ultimately shook his head. “That's a tough one because I would do anything to get you into some skimpy underwear.”

You chuckled, hiding your face in his chest again.

“I'm glad you told me.” His fingers scratched at your scalp, you let out a low rumble in your throat due to how good it felt.

Voice muffled by his chest, you answered, “It's weird that Tony could fix my body but it's like he's messed with me. I have new powers and my mind’s all scattered. I feel so strange.”

Logan kissed your head. “You're still adjusting. Give it time.”

~~

Breakfast was standard.

You hadn't really ate breakfast recently but Logan making eggs and bacon made you realise how hungry you were in the mornings.

“So, you couldn't be mutant and proud?” Victor questioned, next to you on the sofa.

“No.” You answered, pulling on a pair of fluffy socks. “We were, obviously, but you couldn't be publicly without backlash.”

“Huh.” He huffed, turning his attention back to the TV which was playing quietly.

It didn't quite feel like the end of the conversation.

“As we said yesterday, even the mutants were divided. And that's not just the factions we mentioned. Hell, everyone was mutant and proud until a telepath walked into the room. People hated Charles… and Emma.”

“Emma?”

You had briefly met Emma Frost and we're wowed by her intelligence. She was so much more than what people assumed but sadly you never really got to the ‘friend’ part. “Just a sort of an acquaintance.”

Victor huffed again, his eyes watching the screen but not actually taking anything in. He had retreated deep into his mind.

“It doesn't make any prejudices you've seen lesser.” Your palm found its way to his forearm. “It's unfortunate that there are any in the first place.”

Victor frowned, snatched his arm away and stood in one fluid movement. “Logan, where's breakfast?” Was his attempt at seeming unaffected.

~~

Laura was dropped off by Gambit and Rogue, who were going on a platonic friend date. She grinned widely as she entered your front door.

“I'm back!”

You had been sitting on the sofa waiting for her arrival. Standing up and helping her with her bags.

“Laura, how many clothes are in here?” You giggled, pulling her in for a hug with your free arm.

“It's not easy to keep clothes pristine in the mansion.” She dropped her bag and squeezed you harder. “But they’ve made copies of my suit and now I have some to wear there.” Your baby had her own X-Man suit. That was good, you should be proud but you were worried. Sure, she had her powers but this was your baby! “Before you say anything I am careful.”

Laura took a step back and studied your face. Her eyebrows moved downwards a fraction - like she was trying to hide her confusion.

“You smell different?” She took a sniff. “Sweeter. It's strange… You've always smelt the same. Anything happened?”

Smell different? What could make you smell different? You were normal - well, you were getting back to normal. Ah, that was it. “Could be my medication.”

“Medication?” Her eyes darkened. “Are yo-”

“Nothing for you to worry about,” you gave her a big smile. “Just old lady stuff.”

She gave you a look that showed how she did not believe you in the slightest - and would worry as much as she wanted thank you very much - but let you take her bags to the machine.

“Go find Logan, tell him you're here. I'll put a load on.”

“He's not here?”

You opened her bag and started separating the lights and darks. “He is in 16. With Victor.”

Her face was curious. “What's his brother like?”

“He's been told to be nice so he should be pleasant.” You laughed with her. “If he isn't I'm sure us three will let him know.”

Laura bit the inside of her cheek. “Claws?”

You shook your head. “No, he has nails but all your other powers.”

“Nails?”

“They do grow and shrink to his will.” You began loading the machine. “Was Sabertooth not in your comics?”

She nodded distractedly. “A kid called Bobby had a comic. He spoke to Logan and came out saying Sabertooth was real but I didn't know it was his brother. I might have one, I'll have to look.”

You gave her a soft smile. “I suppose with the infinite universes there's places where they aren't siblings, maybe in your world they weren't?”

She agreed. “Yeah, that's something to consider.”

“Hell, there may even be a universe where we are related.”

Laura looked taken aback, in fact, she blunk a couple of times as she digested that. “You're right.” She spoke with a confused frown. “There's universes where you and Logan are my birth parents. Where we're enemies. Where we don't even know each other…”

Her sentence trailed off as she took a breath and you stepped in. “Which makes this one special, huh?” Laura waited for you to continue, “the three of us finding each other despite everything. Despite being from different universes, despite the Void and the pain and the everything. We have our friends and our family and we lived.”

The light in her eye had returned and suddenly you were engulfed in a tight hug.

~~

“Laura,” Logan tugged her into a half hug, his hand on the back of her head. “Meet Victor.”

She was observing her ‘uncle’ - fucking hell he was her uncle - silently. Her eyes scanned him from head to toe.

Victor wasn't intimidated, as most were, by her gaze but he shuffled slightly and then thrust a hand out. “Nice to make your acquaintance.”

Laura took a small step from Logan's safe bubble and placed her hand in his, squeezing tighter than necessary - like Logan taught her - with a thin smile. “Hello.”

Victor grinned at her strength and watched as his hand reset to its original state, no broken knuckles. “I think we'll get along, little lady.”

She raised a brow.

~~

It took exactly 4 minutes and 38 seconds for Victor, Logan and Laura to become obsessed with who was the strongest which meant you had to tag along to the gym that Elektra had praised this whole time.

The gym had a section for enhanced and you had discovered that Logan did have a membership. He hadn't used it since you got to this world which would be embarrassing and you would have felt awful but he told you with a wink that he liked exercising with you a lot more than here.

Victor made remarks about their claws.

“Mhmm, imagine what I could do with Adamantium.” He ran a finger across Logan's claws.

“You don't want it.” Logan declared.

“I don't know I think I might.” Victor's eyes caught Laura's. She was watching his movements.

Laura shook her head. She had seen the metal destroy her father, kill him from the inside out and would likely witness it again before her own body began to wither and decay. “You really don't.”

“Keeping all the goodies to yourselves.”

You sat watching them wrestle and spar feeling a little inadequate before you remembered that no, you could take any of them!

“I want a go.” You announced, hands on your hips.

Logan and Victor ceased their snarling and they both stared with twin puzzled expressions.

“I want a go.” You repeated. “I'll take the winner.”

Victor shoved a distracted Logan to the floor. “Can't wait.”

You turned away to deposit your hoodie onto the bench where your phone and water were.

You made sure your hair wouldn't be a problem and by the time you were ready so was your opponent.

“You sure about this?” Logan whispered to your left, he was puffing with the skin on his cheekbone sewing itself back together.

“I think so, might do me some good.” You shrugged. “Barring the random bad guy each week, I've only consistently fought you, I was paired with you for years. Feels wrong to lash out at you now.”

Your love gave you a very not happy okay before he stepped back and let you face Victor.

Victor - wearing black dress pants and a grey shirt - wiggled his finger, beckoning you.

You knew that your outfit wasn't exactly what one would wear for a fight - at least if one could prepare for a fight - but you had picked the outfit for a museum or bowling or even the cinema. It was a nice dress, plain but comfortable, with converse trainers - in case of bowling - that you now regretted not wearing shorts under but fuck it. No one was wearing fighting clothes, in fact you all were looking nice. Logan was wearing a white button up - that now had two small unfortunate stains - and Laura had even made an effort when she noticed you had; she wore dark jeans and a very pretty vest, instead of the band shirt she began her day in.

You came to a stop a few paces from him and eased him forward with a field. Victor took a reluctant step before you quite roughly tossed him to the side.

He landed on all fours and was quick to launch backwards, you stopped him midair and watched his confusion as you held him.

Over your shoulder, you spoke to Logan. “I don't recall our fights being this boring.”

Victor's eyes were black now. Safe to say: he was not a happy bunny.

The man slashed his way out of your field and you gasped, flying to the side. Neither Laura or Logan could do that!

You shuffled backward on your butt but he was yanking your ankle before you could even try to get away. He forced you to face him, his nails growing so they dug into your cheeks.

“I ain't boring.” He warned.

You gave him his moment of glory before forming tiny fields around each nail and snapping them. Victor yowled, dropping you and you rolled to the side quickly displaying your newest power.

Still not wholly convinced they couldn't see you - you literally felt no different and could see yourself - you kept totally silent.

Slowly tiptoeing around him as his eyes darted around. He took a deep inhale through his nose and his eyes were on you.

Fuck.

Victor launched in your general direction as you sidestepped and trapped him in a more fluid field, this one wrapped around each limb and you made sure to keep the field away from his nails. He may try to rip his way free again.

Dripping the invisible field you met his gaze.

“That was fun.”

He smirked. “We ain't finished.”

~~

The majority of today was spent in the gym and you didn't actually hate it.

Mostly because a) you were letting off some steam which Dave would be proud of and b) you were with your favourite people having fun.

Ultimately Victor was the strongest because he could slash your fields but Logan was the strongest because he performed better overall with the weight lifting but Laura was the expect climber and her slight frame meant she could out manoeuvre them tenfold but you were the odd one out who could beat each of them with your fields and smarts.

And so it all ended in a big game of rock, paper, scissors.

You were near the apartment block when Wade's shrill voice called out.

“Yooohoooooo!” He sang, skipping over. “Omg, it's been so long, last time I saw you was a flashback!”

You nodded with him because if you couldn't understand the man you could at least pretend to.

“Wade, Victor.” Logan gestured. “Victor, Wade.”

“Oh, we've met handsome.” Wade made a kissy face at Victor. “I was gorgeous, there was a hobbit and Will.I.Am.”

Victor did not like Wade. It was obvious. You could see his hands ball into fists and the vein in his temple made an appearance but despite what you knew about him being hot tempered he didn't make a move.

“He's just like that.” Laura spoke.

“Fine.” Wade and Victor said at the same time causing Wade to giggle and carry on with, “fuck Thor I wanna get in your pants.”

.

.

@killerwendigo @littlecrowtime @geeksareunique @lovelyvaderx @br3nt-12 @st1nkabutt @maximumchilddreamland @catiwinky @ravenmedows @electricreader @vulgarfuckinvirgo77 @bisasterbisexual @tzurue @narniansmagic @seamlessepiphany @4ria790 @caramelatae @mei-simp @slightlymediocree @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @the-ruler-of-death

[scatterbrainedart]

Made this in 2022 with the intention of doing every series, but I just. Got tired trying to work out double life and gave up. And then it's been rotting in my drafts ever since. So here is as far as it went, because I still think it's kinda fun.

Life Series lives markings concepts!

I like the idea that the lives a player have left are visualized as marks on their body, so this is my approach on it! I also decided to handle each season a bit different, and here’s how:

3rd Life

So, for 3rd life specifically I think it’d be pretty cool to have the lives running along their throats (this doesn’t work for last life since the people who ended up with like 6 lives absolutely will not be able to fit them all on their neck, but I’ll get into that later), simply because I drew my life series sona like that and now I’m attached, and I have decided to simply deal with it.

Generally I like the idea that the Murderous Intent™ of the red life is visualised as red vines (or, corrupted veins. A sickness in the blood, making them crave bloodshed. That could be pretty cool) taking control of the player and corrupting them. That would also be the same for latter boogymen, albeit a lot more subtle since it’s all canonically sneaky and invisible and whatnot.

Another general rule of the markings is that once you lose a life, a scar takes its place (preferably somewhat reminiscent of how that life was lost. Got blown up? The scar looks like an explosion. Got shot? Perhaps it looks like it’s shattering or something, I dunno. I haven’t quite thought that far ahead, but it could be fun to play around with).

Last Life

Now, as for last life, the design got a bit more tricky to figure out as, like I said, six lives would not be able to fit on someone's throat! So! I figured putting them along the spine would look really neat, so that's exactly what I did. Behold!

The greens go darker the further up they go, and I also have them shine. Why? Because style, that’s why. Anyways, not all people start out with six lives. So, what does that look like?

Boom! Grayed out hearts. This would be Grian after gaining that one life from Scar. I’d imagine, if the player has some empty slots, that’s where the extra life would end up (what about when they don’t have empty slots then? Like, if someone already has six lives, or if they have used up six ones? I’ll get around to that shortly. First, let’s mention red lifers and boogeymen).

Red life, and the second chance. Just like in the 3rd life version, there’s these red vines or veins corrupting the player, except this time the player can be healed if they’re gifted a life. This is what that would look like. Like I said, the extra life fills up the empty slot and avoids the scar tissue, sort of like a lighting bulb turning on and then breaking once that life is spent. As for boogeymen,

The red life shines far brighter, and is starting to corrupt. The corruption is not yet deep enough to leave scars when healed, and should simply retract once the boogey is cured. If the boogey is cured. Now. About what I said earlier about that seventh extra life.

I’d reckon there’d just pop up a new one under the red life, and if there were even more they’d just continue down. I doubt there’d ever be an issue where someone would have too many lives to fit all their markings, so I don’t worry too much about that tbh. Oh and one last thing before we move on from last life onto everyone’s favourite romantic comedy drama (which will not happen. Curse 2022 me's positive thinking). I think it’d be kinda cool if the neck scars from 3rd life stays. Simply for angst reasons. Tho, they’d be a lot more faded than the scars from the current season ofc, but they’d still be there. Just enough to remind the players of the past lives’ bitter ends. Of the betrayals and the regret, the guilt and the weariness. Because why not.

(Might update with the other seasons. Hmmm)

[fuckin-sick-bih]

Tattoos and Tissues pt 3!

Fandom: Stranger Things Summary: No Upside Down. Tattoo Artist and Florist AU. Eddie goes to Steve's place to take care of his florist boyfriend who has fallen ill. CW: Mess, inducing, stuffy talk, illness, mentions of erections and adult themes/kink, Steve has the kink and Eddie likes indulging Word Count: 4.3k Author Note: I did it! I finished it! I finished a fic! Holy fuck! No one ever let me do this again... I am absolutely going to do this to myself again no questions, I just suck at pacing myself lmao. Honestly, the first draft was WAY more Adult lol But also I don't want this to be the end of this AU. I just don't wanna do another 3-part fic, I wanna do little mini fics or drabbles if ideas happen tbh. Regardless, enjoy. I am aware not all things resolve, but hey that's why it can be something cute and small and on-going, right? Eddie - bold Steve - Italics MINORS DNI

whats your address?

What? Why?

because i come baring gifts, Harrington. address, please, so i can figure out where the hell im going im so lost

413 Building D Maple Glen Apartments just off Terrace Street. I’ll buzz you in, just come up to the fourth floor, and I’ll be poking my head out.

When Eddie showed up at Building D of Maple Glen Apartments and saw he had four flights of stairs to climb, he decided he was going to strangle Steve instead of nurse him back to health. He adjusted the bags of goodies for Steve in his hands and began the climb up to the fourth floor. The top floor, of course. 

As he reached the top and exited the stairwell, he spotted Steve poking his head into the hallway as promised. Sure, Eddie was panting, but Steve looked wrecked. There were dark circles under his eyes, his nose was bright cherry red at the tip and rims, and the rest of his face was pale. 

“Jesus H. Christ, you weren’t kidding… You really are sick, huh?” Eddie said in a soft, somewhat concerned tone as he approached Steve.

The other’s pale cheeks seemed to flush up a dark shade of red at Eddie’s words. “What id the world are you doi’g here, Eddie?” Steve asked in a congested and raspy voice that made Eddie wince in sympathy for his throat. 

Instantly, Eddie went digging in his bags for the bag of cough drops. “Please suck on one of those, Harrington. Talking sounds like it hurts. And they’ve got menthol-y stuff in ‘em. It’ll help your nose, c’mon lemme in.” He shoulders his way into Steve’s apartment before the other can stop him. 

“Eddie!” Steve rasped out before turning away from the other to cough harshly into his arm. “You dod’t wadt to be id here, you’ll get s-siiih… IXXGH’T! Sick.” There had been just enough time for Steve’s hand to shoot up and pinch his nose to stifle what sounded like a powerful and still just barely restrained sneeze. It made Eddie wince to think how it must have hurt his ears. 

There was a scoff from the curly-haired tattoo artist, who was already unpacking his bag of goodies on the nearby countertop. At the same time, Steve shut the door, not protesting anymore. “Bless you and puhhh-lease. I don’t get sick, Steve. Munson Constitution. Allergies? Yes. Sick? No. I can’t even remember the last time I was sick. Wait-” He frowned as he tried to dig up the memory. “I think it was like 8th grade? And I had the flu? I dunno; Uncle Wayne came home to me curled up asleep in the empty tub with a fever. He couldn’t find me for like twenty minutes.” 

There was a mildly concerned but still somewhat fond smile on Steve’s face. “You’re a bess, Budsod.” He sniffled thickly and grabbed a tissue from the box beside the couch where it looked like Steve had taken up residence. A nest of blankets, a pillow from his bed, crumpled tissues surrounding the nest, and a few empty water bottles. “But seriously, you should go. Robid high-tailed it out of here to Dadcy’s the seco’d she heard I was sick.”

“All the more reason for me to stay!” Eddie chirped, stepping back to show Steve the menagerie of sick supplies he’d brought. “Not that you need a babysitter, and if you seriously wanna be left alone to your misery, I get it, but…” He side-stepped a little closer to bump their shoulders together. “I never liked being alone while sick.” He admits softly.

The little bump made Steve’s lips twitch, and Eddie counted it as a win. Then Steve moved forward to have a look at the supplies. “Jesus, you didd’t have to get b’me all this…”

Eddie pats Steve on the back as he moved with him, eyes scanning over the cold/flu meds, a couple cans of chicken noodle soup, some bottles of Gatorade, the cough drops he’d mentioned earlier, and even- “Those fucking dissolvable shower disks are evil, Harrington. That’s your treat if you’re a good boy and take your meds, deal?” He said with a smirk growing on his face now.

A sputtering noise from Steve turned into a coughing fit almost right away, bad enough that Eddie was rubbing his back through the end of it. “W-What the hell does that bead?” He choked out, eyes wide. “If they’re evil thed, why did you bri’g theb?”

A laugh escaped Eddie, who was now taking Steve’s hands to guide him back to the couch, settling the sick man down to wrap him back up in blankets. “Because they work and because you will probably love it.” He said playfully and hesitated momentarily, trying not to overthink it before pressing his lips to Steve’s forehead. “Not warm.” He whispered softly.

Steve let out an almost shuddering-sounding sigh like he was just happy to be touched. To be taken care of for once. They’d only started getting to know each other but had been texting a bit. With all those teens he babysat, Eddie could believe it. Between work, babysitting, and probably taking care of things at the apartment with his roommate… when did Steve get time to care for himself? No wonder he got sick, Eddie thought. 

“What do you say to some daytime cold meds, a cough drop, some Gatorade, and I’ll heat you up a can of soup in a bit?” Eddie asked Steve softly, running his fingers delicately through the other man’s messy bedhead. It was as if Steve was a cat, utterly leaning into the touch despite how sick he must feel with how he looked. 

There was a nod from Steve, so Eddie took that to mean go ahead with his plan. “Kinda glad to see you keep work at work.” He admits to Steve in a casually playful way while grabbing Steve a Gatorade and some pills. “Would’ve sucked if we were both sneezing our heads off- bless you, by the way.”

As Eddie spoke, Steve’s face had been going slowly slacker, and his eyes were unfocused in a classic pre-sneeze hang-up. “Ixx’TSH! IXGh’t! Oh god… I’b dot godda be able to stifle those buch lo’ger…” Steve mutters with a much soupier-sounding sniffle than Eddie expected for some pretty well-stifled sneezes. 

Nevertheless, Eddie pulled his bandana from his back pocket and swatted Steve with it before offering it out to him. “Here. Stop stifling then, jackass. Didn’t see me stifling for you, hm?” He pointed out, handed over the meds and drink, and gestured to the cough drops. “Try one. It’ll feel good on your throat and help your congestion.” 

Steve caught the bandana and gave Eddie an appreciative smile for the soft fabric against his nose. “Ugh, fide if it gets you to shut up.” He teased, punctuated by a weak cough after downing the meds. Then he grabs a menthol lozenge. After popping it into his mouth, Steve’s eyebrows raise. “I was expecti’g that to taste worse… cad defiditely still taste the bedthol…” He admits with a slight sniffle.

“Sorry… what were you sayi’g earlier?” Steve asked with another little sniffle as he settled on the couch, pressing the bandana to his nose some more. There’s the slightest flush that wasn’t there a little bit ago. Eddie would’ve remembered if it had been there or not. It’s too cute, barely spreading over his cheekbones and nose tip. 

Eddie was knocked out of his daydreaming by remembering he had to answer Steve. “Huh? Oh- thanking you for your lack of plants. That’s all.” He jokes and shakes his head. “It’s stupid, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad to get a break from being the sneezy one.” He teased.

A quiet, albeit raspy, chuckle escapes Steve while he sucks on the lozenge. “Ab I givi’g you a rud for you b-buhh…bodey yet? Or do I deed to snff let byself sdeeze bore for that?” With all the stopping to sniffle and how his nose seemed to be tickling, Eddie got the idea the menthol in the lozenge was working on Steve’s sinuses. 

“Well, I think you’re doomed to sneeze more soon either way, big boy.” Eddie teased as he watched the other man’s expression fall again into that pre-sneeze desperation. 

Still, Steve seemed to want to deny himself release. “D-D’noh idea… w-whhaahat you bead, Eds-” His breath was beginning to hitch dangerously now, coming closer and closer to its inevitable crescendo. 

Eddie took Steve’s hands, “Don’t stifle, Steve… just sneeze. It’s okay.” He urged the other, getting the feeling it was far more than just a matter of Steve not wanting to spread germs. Like he was still embarrassed and shy.

“Oh, okaaehh-! AeISHHue! HeiiISHhuh! Ngh- Ugh… Oh fuck. Still tickles.” Steve admits, scrunching and wriggling his nose in all sorts of ways Eddie found altogether too damn endearing. 

Eddie rolled his eyes and dropped down onto the couch with Steve. “Come here, sniffles.” And he can plainly see that has an effect on Steve from where he sits now. Steve’s breath catches, and there’s the slightest tent to the front of his Hawkins High Swim Team gray sweatpants. Whoever designed those pants for the swim team, Eddie could kiss them. “Oh, you like that?” He purred.

A shaky sort of breath left Steve, but Eddie wasn’t quite sure if it was from being teased or still needing to sneeze. Though Steve moved a bit closer, his eyes were watering a little now with the irritation that wouldn’t budge. “O-oh god, cobe o-ohhhih-!” Even with as desperate of a hitch as it sounded, Steve still faltered into sniffles and groaned. 

The curly-haired man looked at Steve with an exceptionally soft pout, one of distinct sympathy. “You want some help with that? Seriously, that looks like torture.” He tilted his head when Steve sniffled, and his eyes widened at Eddie’s offer. 

“I’b sorry, what’d you just ask, b’me?” Steve asked, like he wasn’t sure if he was hearing correctly. He was still rubbing his nose against the cuff of his hoodie; Eddie wasn’t sure if he was encouraging or fighting off the tickle anymore. 

Eddie raised a brow at Steve in confusion, “Do you need help with that stuck sneeze? You’re starting to look more miserable than me peak allergy season, Stevie.” He teased, watching as the other continued staring at him like a deer in headlights until it clicked for Eddie, and he had his lightbulb moment. “Wait! Does that turn you on?” He asked, sounding utterly delighted to have figured out how to get Steve going to the point where he was nearly speechless.

Instantly, Steve was sputtering, and it caused a few coughs to escape him. “Oh by god, you cad’t just say thi’gs like that to b’me, Eds…” He complained, leaning back against the couch to tip his head back while rubbing at his nose some more. “Fuck… ugh, bay- maehh… hehih-!” And once again, Eddie watched him wind up, only for nothing to happen. 

“Sooo…?” Eddie prompted and gave a vague wave of his hand as if gesturing Steve to continue. 

It was truly remarkable how red Steve’s face could flush, Eddie thought as he watched the lighter brunette make the internal debate. “Fide. Jesus, we practically flirt all the tibe adyway.” He reached forward to snatch a tissue, twisting the corner into a point.

Eddie’s brows furrowed as he watched in utter confusion while Steve strangled the tissue. “Okay, I gotta ask… what the fuck are you doing?” 

“I’b- ihhih… ugh, I’b baki’g sobethi’g for you to i’duce b’me.” He explained before handing the tissue, now twisted to a neatly pointed tip, over to Eddie. “Probably wod’t get bore thad ode use out of it because I’b all coldish, but iihh-! it should do the trick.”

After accepting the new tool, Eddie turned to face Steve more as he started to get the idea. “Ohh, I think I get it. Okay. Never actually thought to use a tissue like this, honestly.” He admits before smirking a little. This was Steve’s kink, and well… he wanted to perform for him a little. Make it fun for him. 

He trails the very tip of the twisted-up tissue end over the tip of Steve’s red nose and watches as his nostrils flare in response to even just that. “Jesus, someone’s sensitive.” It was just a stray comment. Sometimes, Eddie couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but judging by how Steve’s hips suddenly squirmed, he really enjoyed it. 

A grin split across Eddie’s face, and he suddenly moved to straddle Steve’s lap, “Think I need a better position for this, don’t you, sweetheart?” he asked teasingly and winked at his boyfriend, who was now bright red as he looked up at him. Eddie eased down to sit more in Steve’s lap, which caused the other man to groan softly. 

“Sure, E-Eddie…” Steve stuttered out, but this time, it clearly had nothing to do with his sensitive nostrils that Eddie was already getting back to teasing. “You cad go i-ihhh idside…” 

That made the darker-haired man raise his brows in mild surprise, but he nodded, gently slipping the tip of the tissue into Steve’s nose. He gently twirled the tissue curiously, which had Steve instantly gasping beneath him, and Eddie’s dick twitched at just how powerful he felt for a brief moment.

The twirl seemed to do the trick because Steve’s nostrils flared out, and his eyes fluttered closed with another desperate, hitching breath. Eddie’s hand shot back with the tissue still clutched between his fingers, the twisted tip now all damp and limp despite its short adventure. 

“Ihh… IXXTISHHUE!! HEIIISHUE! Uh… Hupt’IISHHuh… ugh oh by god…” Steve groaned out after the sneezes. The first two burst forth with a sudden intensity Eddie hadn’t been expecting at all. The lighter-haired brunette hastily grabbed a tissue to press to his face, cleaning himself up while a blush spread across his neck and cheeks. “Fuck that’s so e’barassi’g.” He whispered, but Eddie could feel Steve’s erection pressing firmly against him. 

The ease with which Eddie could get Steve so hard he was pressing up against him like that even while he was under the weather was borderline intoxicating. It didn’t matter that Steve had snapped right forward to sneeze, the spray misting briefly against Eddie’s forearm and stomach.

“Bless you, hey… it’s alright. You’re sick; gotta get that gunk outta you. Maybe a shower with one of those disks would be a good idea, actually… clear out some of that congestion, huh?” He offered and grabbed Steve another tissue to replace the one he’d just about soaked through by now.

Little, congested snuffles were coming from Steve constantly as Eddie sat back in his lap to let him tend to his leaking nose. “Baybe…” Steve relented a little, still seeming shy, and wiped away the tears at the edges of his eyes from sneezing. His sinuses were so utterly full it was hard not to tear up with every sneeze. “What uh… what exactly do they eved do? Dever really tried theb before.”

At that, Eddie perked up and grinned at Steve before moving out of his lap. “Oh, you’re gonna love this- c’mon, sniffles. Let’s get you in the nice warm shower with one of those disks then.” He slid backward off of Steve’s lap carefully. He offered his hands to pull him up, ensuring Steve was steady on his feet before grabbing one of said shower disks and being led to the bathroom. 

The bathroom was admittedly a little small for two people. Eddie wasn’t sure how Steve and his roommate managed it, but he went about getting the disk out of the packaging. Of course, the moment the menthol scent hit him, his eyes watered, and his nose prickled, making him pause to rub roughly at it with his hand.

A sudden hand on his arm made him pause, blinking over at Steve, who was looking at him with a concerned expression. “I cad oped it?” He offers softly, but Eddie takes a moment to look at him. Steve looks exhausted and sick, sure, but his pupils are wide and lust-blown. That hard-on from the couch is still half-present and painfully evident in those gray sweatpants, too.

“I got it, sweethhheart.” Eddie assures, wiggling the disk as his own breath tries to hitch, and he lets it for once. In fact, Eddie sniffs slightly, which only irritates his sensitive nose more, so his nostrils twitch and flare. “Told you… you’ll l-love.. thhhh… hEXZT’Shiew! Whew! Okay. You’ll love these.” And without another moment to waste, Eddie sets the little disk in the shower for Steve with a wink. “I’ll leave you to it then.”

Finally, Eddie sees Steve’s unfiltered reaction to one of his sneezes, similar to in the library. It was as if the poor man had completely bluescreened briefly before rebooting. Pupils wide and lust blown as he stared at Eddie, who still rubbed his nose. “Uh… yeah, so just… shower like dorbal?” he asked with another soupy sniffle and began to pull off his shirt, already starting to shiver.

Suddenly, Eddie’s throat felt dry as Steve began undressing with him in the bathroom, and he nodded. “Yep. That’s the idea. It’ll dissolve, and the scent will help clear out your sinuses. Want me to go sit on the couch and wait?” 

With his pants still on, Steve was reaching forward to crank the water as hot as it would go, still sniffling. “Uhm… ki’da… ki’da dizzy actually? Could you baybe like… keep close? Id case I deed you?” There was a quiet plea in Steve’s voice, the request coming out awkward and stunted like he wasn’t used to asking for help. 

Something in it tugged on Eddie’s shriveled heart, and he looked up at Steve with a soft expression. “Yeah, Stevie. I can stay. I’ll turn around so you can strip and get in, deal? Deal.” He agreed, tucking himself into the corner by the sink to stare at the wall. There was a good deal of shuffling behind him before he heard the shower curtain and the spray of water finally being interrupted. 

The menthol scent from the shower disk was already making Eddie’s nose twitch and tingle, so he closed the toilet seat lid, going to sit down on it. “Remember what I said earlier? We’re trying to get that gunk out of you, man. Trust me when I say I’m not gonna judge you or anything. Seriously, I’m sure you’ll get to see me peak allergy s-seeh-season, and you’ll get it.”

His idle chatter as Steve showered made the man give a quiet grunt. “You sure?” Steve’s voice was tired, nervous, and still congested, but it already sounded a little better than before. 

“P-Positiihh-“ But just as Eddie had been about to respond, his breath hitched dangerously, and his hand flung up to cover his mouth and nose. “IXT’SHiew! Ugh, positive! Sorry, sensitive nose.” Eddie admitted with a little sniffle and scrunched his nose up to try and dispel that tingling sort of itch. It wasn’t like his usual allergic itch, just maddening enough to make his sinuses wonder what was in the air to react to. “Hit’SHZiew! Snf! Motherfucker. It’s supposed to make you sneeze, not me!” 

A laugh escaped Steve, turning into some productive-sounding coughs that had Eddie grimacing in sympathy. “Give m’be a m’bidute, dod’t worry.” He assured, sniffling a little as the shower disk worked its magic while he went through his usual shower routine. 

It was barely a minute later when the bathroom had gone oddly quiet. “Heh… Gonna- HEIKTshuh! HI’TShue! Eh… ET’SHHue! HN’kt!” The last one sounded strange, and Eddie blinked a few times, wondering what in the hell Steve had done to make it sound like that. 

“You good, man?” Eddie checked in softly, almost tempted to peek over the shower curtain just to make sure he wasn’t going to pass out or anything.

A shaky breath left Steve, and Eddie saw one of his hands come up to grab the shower curtain rod for support. “Uh-huh… snff! Yeah, just-” Another little groan came from the lighter brunette, and Eddie felt worry fluttering in his ribcage like a frightened bird. “Dizzy… m’okay. Rad out of breath od that last sdeeze…” 

Something like a little cough slipped out of Steve, and Eddie stood to put a hand on top of Steve’s that had a white knuckle grip on the shower curtain rod. “Maybe it’s time to rinse off and get out, yeah? I’ll get your towel and look away so you can hop out.” He encouraged, already moving, to grab the fluffy maroon towel and hold it open. 

Only a few moments later, Steve sounded like he’d rinsed off, but then there was a soft catch of breath just above the spray before- “HeXT’SHHuh! EXT’SHHUE! Hihh… IXT’SHHuh IT’SHH! Oh by god…” If anything, Steve’s tone sounded exasperated, but the sneezes had sounded productive. “You were right. About the shower disk.” He groaned, and Eddie could hear the shower spray being disrupted again, making him smile a little before the water shut off.

“You’re kind of adorable when you’re sick, y’know that?” Eddie said as he shut his eyes, turning his face as he held out the towel for Steve. “I mean- you’re adorable in general, don’t get me wrong! But like… I dunno, man. I know you can take care of yourself, but I just wanna make sure you’re looked after.” 

There was another brief pause, and the continued silence as he felt Steve press into the towel had Eddie’s anxiety spiking. He wrapped the towel around the other’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze there. As the silence dragged on, Eddie felt a need to fill it, “Sorry, is that weird? I don’t wanna like- infantilize you or anything. I just… I wanna drag you to bed, wrap you in blankets, get you whatever you need until you feel better, y’know?”

“Would you lay with me?” Steve asked suddenly, voice right in front of him, and it shocked Eddie so much that his eyes snapped open. 

In front of him stood Steve. Hair dripping wet still, the towel now around his waist, and droplets of water running down his sinfully pretty chest. A more perverse part of Eddie had the intrusive thought of licking the water off him. Steve still had dark circles under his eyes, but those eyes were bright and pleading. “Of course I will, Stevie. We can get comfy and lay together as long as you want.”

Visibly, Steve’s shoulders relaxed, and he nodded with an almost pleading expression, pulling at his brows and lips. “Yes, please? That sounds- snf! fantastic.” He lifted a towel corner to dab at his sensitive, red nostrils with a bit of a wince. “Ugh, ow.”

With a little purse of his lips, Eddie made a sympathetic noise. “Nose all raw?” he asked, reaching out to open the bathroom door so Steve could lead the way to his bedroom. “I didn’t think to get any Vaseline; sorry, sweetheart.”

“S’okay. This always happens when I get si-ihh…. Ihih-!” Halfway down the short hallway, Steve paused with one hand on the wall as his breath began to hitch and his eyes fluttered. “Oh no come o-ohhhhh-!” Eddie watched as Steve’s hand hovered in front of his face, expression utterly helpless and slack before suddenly exploding. “IX’TSH! HiISHHue! Snf! Ugh- sorry.”

A little chuckle came from Eddie, who just shook his head, “I am the last one you have to go apologizing to for sneezing.” He assured Steve and put a hand on his lower back as he followed him. 

It didn’t take long for Steve to be dressed in some boxers and a sweatshirt since he was cold after his shower. Without even thinking about it, Eddie began pulling off his shirt and sat down on the bed to take off his shoes. The sudden sensation of fingers against his back made Eddie jump a little, and his head whipped around to find Steve tracing the dice tattoos along his spine. 

“Like what you see, Harrington?” Eddie asked in amusement as he finally kicked off his shoes to lie down beside Steve. He wiggled out of his dark pants, which got tossed to the floor as well, leaving him in boxers. Most of his upper half was covered in tattoos at this point. 

Some kind of sleepy slight hum came out of Steve, slightly congested again but not enough to hamper his speech yet. “They’re pretty. Your tattoos. Did you do them yourself?” He asked curiously, and his hand now strayed curiously over the large moth just below Eddie’s sternum. 

Eddie adjusted himself to get the blankets wrapped around them both, making sure Steve was tucked in properly before tossing the blankets over his legs. “Some smaller ones, yeah. Because I’m an idiot. Don’t tattoo yourself, Stevie. I mean it.” There’s amusement and a warning, but he leans to press his lips to Steve’s forehead again. Both checking his temperature and enjoying the simple intimacy. “Chrissy did a lot of them. Gareth, one or two, actually.”

This time, the hum from Steve was more distant, and when Eddie looked, he saw the other man was nearly asleep, tucked against him. “Get some rest, sleeping beauty. You need it. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Taking a deep, slow breath, Steve let out a long and decidedly sleepy sigh through his mouth. His nose was still a little too congested for such things. “Promise? You won’t leave?”

Something physically hurt inside Eddie to think once upon a time; Steve might’ve been in a similar spot, vulnerable and left completely alone when he didn’t want to be. “I’ll be here. I promise.” Eddie moved his hand to find one of Steve’s, interlocking their pinkies so he could squeeze the other man’s tight before bringing it up to kiss his knuckles. “I’m here, Steve.”

The reassurance was all he needed. Steve was out like a light, soft little congested snores sounding against Eddie’s shoulder as they cuddled beneath the blankets in the cozy queen-sized bed. And really… Eddie couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be. 

[antxnous]

i need to hear your sallowgraham headcanons you are aware of this, correct?

well,, if u insist… ☝️😋

I have a feeing htis will be long winded and annoying so it’s all under here…

Pre-Legion stuff:

- Josh is a recent orphan and in Ed’s head his mom is practically dead (I hc she is lowkey a lil nuts) and they bond over this initially😙

-they’re both fucking losers. ppl in New Canaan think Joshua is weird and while Ed can make friends he’s like that one bully-friend we all had at some point where u eventually are like wait this guy sucks and u part ways. Joshua doesn’t bend to his bullying and that interests him, and Edward’s interest is exciting to Joshua.

-In my hc, Joshua’s dad was a trader and it’s why Joshua is so proficient in dialects and languages. His dad gave him a copy of Caesar’s Commentarii to practice Latin. When he’s trying to make friends with Edward at first, he offers to let him read it and this is how Ed gets the book hehe

-Bc they’re young men and young men are Like That, I think they fought a lot, verbally and physically. It was Bill’s hand that extended the offer to have Joshua translate and Joshua saw it as a sign from God to be useful and accepted without thinking about how fucking annoying Edward can be.

(Bill headcanon interjection moment, but he was 100% the only thing keeping them from both feeding off each other’s violence and ideas. When he’s gone is when the legion rly explodes, but also they get along MUCH better. Mask drop time??)

-Toward the end of the expedition, before getting to the Blackfoot, Joshua totally begged Edward to at least walk back with him to New Canaan before he went back to California and Edward was like “ok (ew)”

-… so when they created the legion and Josh saw that they’d continue doing this to other tribes as they pushed into Utah, he begged Edward to leave New Canaan alone and Edward was like “ew, but ok”

-Joshua’s clothes r fucked up, sewn together and patched like nothing else. Edward gives him his clothes to wear so he doesn’t look like such a rag doll.

Legion stuff:

-The crosses and crucifixions were Edward’s idea, the razing and heads-on-spikes-warnings were Josh’s ideas.

-Cringe aside joshua totally sees their relationship as a union, Ed’s been his only partner and they share a tent wayyy late into the Legion, even when they don’t have to. I dunno if Ed sees it the same way, but I think he’s just comfortable with what he has, and is probably aware Joshua sees it that way and feels it gives him an angle over him.

-In the earlier days, they would scavenge books for each other and spend nights reading them together 💔 their dates would include bookclub, hunting, hiking, and watching arena fights💔

-While Joshy-poo is a survivalist in my head, Edward is v educated and has (had?) a good background in anatomy from his studies and a few medical stuff Bill taught him when they left California. Joshua can make tea and healing powder, but Ed’s gonna throw pills at his head either way.

-I love an albino vulpes hc. Joshua wanted that thing DESTROYED, but Edward was like 💔 it’s a thing. and nearly tried to convince Joshua he could be their diversity hire son. But that was too gay.

-Every region they went thru, Joshua reimagined a homestead there instead of camps. He’ll always want his tradwife ranch.

-THEY BOTH WORE VESTS 💔 until Ed got too big for his

Post-Legion/Hoover Dam

-Ed shaved his head before Joshua was supposed to head for the Dam. Joshua usually cut his hair so he thought it was odd.

-A week before, Ed pestered Joshua about making sure he was going to take the Dam and Joshua was ofc very sure he was, he’s never lost before. He made up his mind already that if Josh lost he’d have to kill him, and even suggested he wait and strategise further, but Joshua insisted it was fine. Ed was already drafting letters to Lanius in case.

-After the Dam loss, Ed didn’t kill Josh immediately. He acted like nothing was wrong because he was struggling to go thru with it. Ed was just going to throw him down the Grand Canyon, but wanted him GONE, and ordered the pitch last minute. and they totally slept together beforehand

-Josh tried to climb back up the canyon at first hehe half confused, half angry.

-Ed’s decision to decimate New Canaan was 100% because of the promise he made Joshua before.

-Joshua leaves taunting messages on the bodies of the Frumentarii sent to kill him <3 love letters

-Edward couldn’t stand to be around cooked meat and open flame for a few weeks after Josh’s burn. #vegetarian

-Joshua and Edward both have recurring nightmares about that night for separate reasons.

nsfw hc?? I fear I’m too shy to share those. josh was a total submissive the first few years and then eventually they both got used to the power and control of their roles and sex became a dominating hate thing between them that they enjoyed but eventually it devolved into giving each other the laziest hj and bj youve ever seen

Hiiiii byeeeee love u

[velvette3]

(3/29/24)

Why do I feel sad for no reason sometimes? It’s like a sick fuckin joke I swear. Today was such a great and productive day too! My boyfriend is as loving as ever, and he even bought me something! My OC got drawn by someone else so wonderfully and I couldn’t even do her justice w/ her of design! That art is just amazing and beautiful, and it makes me happy!

But yet I feel so sad, like I’m missing something. Maybe it’s just the lingering of my great grandma passing a few months back, but I don’t think so.

My birthday is coming up, I’m excited. I really am, I know for sure at least one thing that is on its way! First time in a few years that I’m excited for my birthday, honestly.

But I just feel sad. Idk, kinda worthless? I love helping people but damnit just seeing those around me struggling, and me not knowing how to help. It’s killing me I think. I’m just glad these are staying in drafts (unless I decide in a half asleep haze to actually post this fuck shit)

I just wanna help people so bad but I’m not able to yet. It’s killing me. I want to help people, I do and helping people makes me so, so happy! It’s what kept me going for a long time. But for that majority of this year, I haven’t been able to help people, and time has gone by too quick. Way too quick. It’s killing me, knowing how fast time is going and how little time I have left in a relaxing life. How little time I may have with people I love. My grandmother on my father’s side isn’t even 20 years younger than the great grandma I lost this year. I’m so scared to lose my Grandma J. I don’t know what I’ll do, and it’s going to be hard once she’s gone, especially when I visit my father.

It’s even worse when there is so much I can’t say to her, and how often I hear her say horrifying things.

I can’t tell her I’m Ace Pan-romantic because she’s Christian, and she talks about death and heaven so casually. I don’t know what’s gonna happen and I’m so, so scared.

So much is just there, and I’m losing so much time. I can’t help people like I want to because I don’t have the time, I can’t spend time with those I love because of how much shit I have to do with my schooling and freaking out about my future (even though it’s already here almost).

Another year I’ve wasted almost, and it’s just moving too quick.

The few things I’m grateful for in this though, are a few people, and my own stubbornness. My boyfriend, god I love him so much. I haven’t said it to him yet, no with the language we speak (English) and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m scared. But I do love him so much. My older brother, E. He’s been there since day one and is so supportive of me. May he be happy in his relationship as it is for him! I love those two shithead so much, and I can’t wait to see my brother again soon, and my boyfriend Just tomorrow maybe!

And my own stubbornness. It’s been almost (at midnight it will be) 191 days since I intentionally self harmed

^ that was the math for months. I am halfway to my head long goal of no self harm, and that has kept me going as well. My stubborn self, whenever I think of self harming, practically on the verge of just doing it, I say I can’t. I’ll be crying and weeping, wishing for pain, but I still can’t bring myself to do it because I promised myself I’d go a year AT LEAST. It’s kept me from giving in, thank god.

But I don’t know, with all of this, even with those few people, if I can do it. I came so close, so so close to giving into the thoughts and shit recently. I’m starting to scare myself. I don’t know what I’m doing, and it’s killing me. Ever since my third grade years, I was horrible when it came to control. That’s when my self harm started, in third fucking grade because I thought I could’ve preventing certain things from happening, had I tried harder. Ever since then I’ve been so hard on myself but FUCK I need to, I deserve it because I’ve let people down so many times, I’ve disappointed so many people so much.

But I dunno. I dunno why I’m so sad when today was so good for me (3/29/24)

I dunno anymore, I just want to help people so bad, I want time to slow down. I want to feel whole. Helping people helps me, and my mentality, so much. But I don’t have the time to help others anymore and it’s so hard to find people to help when everyone has such outta wack time zones.

(3/30/24)

Time is passing too quick and it’s terrifying. On top of that, I’m so scared that if I mess up in my schooling (online schooling anyways) that my parents will call me outta the blue and yell and shit. I remember very vividly back in middle school how I got like, 2-4 states mixed up on my US states quiz that I cried. I cried so hard, fearing that my mother would be angry over a topic I should know well since this is the very country we live in. Thankfully, she wasn’t.

As of now, the grades I’m getting are decent. All A’s, all year round. But I’m struggling in my Spanish. Sure, they may have been more positive about my grades here recently because of the fact that I’m towards the top of my class, but that’s not the point.

Then being happy about it sometimes makes it worse. I fear if I slip even the slightest, their expectations, if I fail them, they’ll be angry again.

I’m so scared to impress them, that I’m making it harder for me because I do so well. I know I do decently, but because of the fact that I rarely mess up, the times that I do, are impactful.

It’s awful, really. I should be happy about my success but it’s just giving me hella anxiety.

I guess this is just a journal now? Meh, it might as well be. Drafts stay drafts, after all.

(Yeah I think this is draft #16?)

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱.9)

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After an argument causes you and Dean to split up, Dean finds himself in trouble with Sam. Sam inevitably get’s Dean back to the bunker where he will begin the process of transforming back into a human.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: Needles, injections, Demon Dean being a jerk, I think that’s it?

Then..

“I think it wouldn’t be smart to try and double cross Crowley and screw up the deal. After all he is a businessman.”

“He’s just another demon. As long as he gets a soul, what’s the big deal?”

“You know, I really don’t appreciate the sudden appearances.” You rolled your eyes. Then you noticed the heavily displeased look on Crowley’s face, causing you to groan.

“What did he do?”

“Are you kidding me!? What didn’t that bastard do!? He killed my client so now I won’t be able to get the soul! He had the audacity to push me around like nothing in front of my servants! And he had the Gaul to tell me he would do whatever he wanted to do!”

“If he was really a demon, he would have done what he was told. He would have killed the designated victim without a second thought. He wouldn’t have had a preference if he were a full demon. I mean, even if Catrina was more of a bitch for her end of the whole ordeal, she was still a client who’s soul I lost because Dean can’t listen to an order! I even threatened the idea that he may have felt sorry for Bethany. If he had felt bad, then maybe he’s more human after all except he’s got those pretty black eyes of his and he’s working alongside you and me.”

“It was nice talking to you too, Y/N. But seriously. If you want to save your skin, either call Sam and tell him where Dean is, or walk away.” After that, Crowley walked out of your hotel room door.

“What are we going to do now, Dean?” You asked yourself but something deep within your conscience knew what you should do.

Now…

You had already typed out a message to Sam to let him know where Dean was. You hadn’t sent it yet since it was still in your draft box.

You didn’t want to betray Dean’s trust. Now that you’ve been exposed to different human emotions, you were beginning to figure out why it made you feel uneasy to think about betraying the person you’d been traveling with.

That vision was sticking with you though. What if Dean’s vessel was really fighting? What if there really was hope for Dean to be cured? Sam would be able to finally have his brother back and things could go back to the way that they were before.

On the other side of the coin, if he was human again, how much damage would his soul have taken after fighting the demon threatening to take over? And what if the mark starts to effect him again and he dies if he can’t kill.

If Dean were to die because he couldn’t kill, then the demon would just come back and you knew it would be yet another endless Winchester cycle. It would be torture for both of them if they went back and forth constantly like that.

Crowley was sure to sell Dean out if you weren’t going to send this message to Sam. So you knew Dean would be in trouble either way no matter what you did. You went ahead and saved the draft instead of sending the message to Sam and you put the phone in your pocket just as you heard the door open again.

You watched Dean come in holding a six pack of beer and you lifted a brow.

“Weren’t you just at the bar?”

“I take it Crowley came in and ranted to you.”

“I don’t know why I’m suddenly the marriage counselor for you two, but yeah. And he said things were over.”

“Well they are. So hopefully he won’t be expecting you to be some kind of shrink anymore.” You laughed slightly.

“I dunno, seemed kind of fun hearing about the things you do just to get under his skin.” You admitted as he sat down next to you. He offered you a beer and you took it.

“Although, I heard you did end up killing that client. I told you there would be problems after that.” You reminded as you opened the bottle and held it up to your lips as you drank from it.

“I didn’t ask for the ‘I told you so’ speech.” He said with a little grunt and you gave him a light nudge with your arm.

“I’m not saying that to be a bitch, I’m saying that now that you’ve done what you did, you need to keep an eye out for Sam. You know Crowley’s likely going to tell him where you are.”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“Saying what?”

“‘You.’ As if you and I haven’t been doing this together? You’re in this muck just as much as I am. So why do you keep saying that?”

The question took you by surprise. Maybe that was just a moment of humanity on Dean’s part but you knew at this rate it would come to an end once he becomes a full demon.

“I say ‘you’ because your brother isn’t concerned about getting me back into the bunker, and I’m fairly certain he doesn’t want to turn me human. You know he’ll likely use human blood to cure you like you almost cured Crowley.”

Dean rolled his eyes at the thought of what his brother might try to do.

“Crowley said that you’re having trouble picking a side… You seem lost these days, Dean, and it’s a little-“

“I swear if you say it’s concerning or worrisome I’d rather you stop right there. I’m just fine and I don’t need you to act like you care about what Sam soes or what the condition of my soul is. It gets tiring.”

“Okay fine, I won’t say that. But I will say that it would be wise of you to at least think about what Crowley says about picking a side. At least killing humans for Crowley gave you a fix and it would have kept you out of trouble!”

“I don’t need you to tell me what to think about. I sure as hell don’t need you to tell me what to do! Especially from someone who doesn’t know what they want themselves.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh nothing. Just that you don’t know what you want just as much as I don’t. You’re nothing but a hypocrite.”

You clenched your jaw for a moment, “You know, snarky ass comments like that make me understand Crowley’s impatience with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You put your bottle of beer down and you looked down at Dean, “I mean that you think you can say whatever you want, push whoever you want around without any regards as to what the people around you think or feel. I told you back when you and your brother first got me that you needed to think about who you would lose. You’ve lost a friend in Crowley, you’re dead set on losing your brother for some crazy ass reason, and if you aren’t careful you might lose me too.”

“Oh sweetheart, you aren’t really thinking of going anywhere are you? What are you gonna do, run off to Sam and rat me out before Crowley does?” He asked with a cocky smirk you were tempted to smack off his face. But you watched him stand up too, looking down on you with such a condescending look.

Perhaps this was his turning point? Was he going to kill you here in the hotel room like he did in your vision? If he did, you knew you may have deserved it for so many people you’ve killed. But you’d be damned if it was by Dean’s hands like this.

“If I left then you wouldn’t have anyone looking out for you. Wouldn’t have anyone advising you so you could mistake them for nagging you. You won’t have anyone to make sure you stay out of trouble but hey - maybe you like it that way. Maybe it’s some sort of leftover self sacrificial Winchester bullshit your human self left behind.”

“Oh yeah and where would you go? You closed down your shop in Ohio. Sam’s not gonna take you. Crowley’s not gonna give a damn what you do. You won’t have anywhere to go.”

So he wasn’t going to stop you, just comment on how he didn’t think you knew how to go into hiding. You scoffed as you brushed past him and started grabbing your things.

“Sweetie, I’ve only had that shop for a few years of my lifetime. No one knew where I was before that and I can guarantee no one will know where I go next. I’ll fade from your memory and you’ll never have to see me again.” You said as you slung your back over your shoulder.

When you looked back at him, you saw something flash in his eyes. You didn’t know what it was but for a split second you could tell that was the human side of Dean and you wondered if deep down, he wanted you to stay. But it was too late.

“By the way, since you’re a demon now… I’ll take that back.” You said and you held out your hand. Then the First Blade slipped from behind Dean’s back and right into your hands.

“Y/N.. You know that we can find you if you take that thing with you. So fine! Go ahead and go!”

“You see the thing is, I seldom return to the same place I was before. Not that you’ll decide to look but if you did, I’ll keep you on your toes and you’ll never know where I’ll be.” You said before you walked out of the door.

Dean was sitting at a bar in front of a piano. That conversation with Crowley was beginning to bug him.

He didn’t pitty that girl he was assigned to kill. He just didn’t like the hypocracy so that’s why he killed the client. So what? Now Crowley was at least out of his hair so he could continue killing and doing whatever he wanted.

What more did he need?

This was his life and he was living it the way that he wanted to. He was happy, he was free. He didn’t have to answer to anyone if he didn’t want to. He could drink as much beer, sleep with whatever girl he wanted to, and he didn’t need to worry about the consequences. Why couldn’t everyone just accept that?

He pressed down on a couple of keys on the piano while his mind was swimming in all of these thoughts. Then he looked up at his hand. He tilted his head as he pulled out a different knife since he always had some kind of weapon on him. Dean pressed the blade into the palm of his hand and watched as a red line appeared and blood began to seep out.

Those words came into his mind from Crowley again… Was he a human? Was he a demon?

“Pick a bloody side!”

Dean’s jaw clenched as that last phrase rang through his head perhaps louder than the rest of the conversation he had with Crowley. His eyes changed to black and slowly, the wound in Dean’s hand began to close up as if nothing had ever happened.

Watching you leave was getting to him too. Deep down he had to admit he was having fun with you around. He’s killed with you, shared beers with you, laughed with you after he got you back from Cincinnati. He knew that if he did have the slightest bit of humanity left within him, he’d maybe even start to have feelings for you.

“I’ll fade from your memory…” Your voice echoed and his hand turned into a fist. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he wouldn’t just forget about you.

None of that mattered, though, now that you left. Maybe that was just the kick in the ass that he needed to embrace being a full demon. He needed that blade back that you took. He knew there were ways to find it so that was only a temporary issue of his. Then he could kill you with it and not have to worry about anybody taking it ever again.

The next thing Dean knew, he could hear footsteps. Judging by the weight of each step and how heavy they sounded, Dean could tell without even looking that it was his little brother again.

“Sammy. I see that guy that was supposed to put a bullet in your brain must’ve missed.”

He slowly looked up at Sam who had those same pathetically empathetic puppy dog look in his eyes. He looked like he had gotten into a fight with someone, but Dean wondered how desperate he was for another fight if he came around here.

“So. Who winged ya?” Dean asked as he took his glass of whisky and started to drink from it.

“Does it matter?” He heard his brother ask, making Dean shrug.

“Not really.” He replied, setting the drink down along with the knife he had.

“Where’s the First Blade?” Sam asked and Dean’s gaze darkened or a second.

“Nowhere you can find it and try to take it, that’s for damn sure.” He said. “I told you to let me go.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Sam said, but surely he had to see that Dean didn’t care why he couldn’t just let him go. “By the way, Crowley was the one that sold you out. I got a message from Y/N shortly after.”

Dean tried not to wince at the idea that you ratted him out to his brother. Crowley, he knew, would do something like that. With you he shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Really now. Sounds like something they’d do.”

“Crowley? Yeah. Did you have a falling out with Y/N or something?” Sam asked and Dean chuckled.

“Right now is when you want to talk about chick problems? Please, there’s nothing to talk about there. Next topic.” Dean said as he stood up and held the knife.

It wasn’t the first blade, much to his dismay, but he knew Sam would die with a knife just the same. And Dean knew he would have just as much fun killing his brother no matter what weapon he used.

“Woah, now hold on a second. We don’t have to do this. We know how to cure demons remember? And Y/N even confirmed it can be done with this mark.”

“Sam, didn’t it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t want to be cured? Didn’t you ever stop and think that if I wanted to be cured I wouldn’t have bailed?”

“That had to be Crowley.”

“No, It really wasn’t. And it wasn’t Y/N either in case you were wondering.”

“Okay well that doesn’t matter. Either way, you and I will be able to fix this. It’s always been us against the world and why would this situation be any different?” Sam asked as he cautiously walked towards Dean.

Dean smirked a little, amused that Sam was so adamant about this. “Will we fix this though? Because right now, I’m doing all I can not to take this knife and gut you like some kind of fish.”

The look on Sam’s face was so worth it, the terror and shock of it all that he would kill his own brother after all they’ve been through. “Sam, I’m giving you a chance. Walk out that door, and for the sake of your own hyde, don’t come back.”

“Sorry, I’m gonna have to pass.”

Dean hummed a little as he poured himself another glass of whisky, “So what’s your plan? Because I’m not walking out that door with you. It’s just not happening, so are you gonna kill me instead?”

Sam watched as Dean took the sip of the alcohol and shook his head a little, “No,” he finally replied.

“Why? You don’t know what I’ve done. Hell, I might even have it coming.”

“I’m not gonna kill you, Dean, because you’re my brother.”

“Oh this whole speech again? Please, you can’t expect the brother speech to work every time. Where were you the time I was in Purgatory, huh? Where were you when I was being tortured in Hell? You didn’t worry about saving me then, and whenever I try to bring it up - you’ve even said that the fact that we’re brothers is not a cure-all.” Dean seethed.

“Well either way, you are my brother and whether you like it or not, I’m here to take you home.” Dean bursted into a fit of laughter at this line.

“W-What? Are you kidding? ‘I’m your brother and I’m here to take you home.’ Oh I didn’t realize I was in some kind of Hallmark movie.” Dean laughed.

Sam’s jaw tightened but then he reached into his pocket, pulling out the demon cuffs before Dean spoke again, “You really think that’s gonna work on me?”

“No, but this might.” Dean heard a different voice say.

When he turned to you, he saw you only to get burned with Holy water and he groaned with the pain of it all. He got up and he started to pull his knife on you and saw that you were holding the First Blade in your hand.

“You bitch!”

“Oh, Honey, I’ve been called worse by people more threatening than you.” You seethed and when Dean tried to lunge at you, Sam managed to cuff Dean with the demon cuffs.

Naturally Dean tried to fight Sam off when he was cuffed and he felt useless. The most humiliating feeling in existence as he was shoved into the back seat of his own, messy car.

When the door slammed shut, Dean looked out of the window and saw you, Crowley and Sam all there. A little trio of traitors.

You three were talking about something that he couldn’t quite make out but when he looked at you and the both of you made eye contact, Dean wondered if even once you may have felt something for him before you stabbed him in the back like this.

The eye contact with Dean was giving you an ache in your stomach. He looked at you with nothing but hatred in his eyes. After that fling you had, you wondered if you may have stood an actual chance since you were both demons at the time.

But you were honestly growing tired of all of this. You were glad that this could be over.

“Now now, Y/N. You know you don’t actually have a use for it if you really want to be in the underground. Dean could easily find you if you have the blade.” Crowley said

You bit your lip and you looked down at the weapon. It was true that you loved killing with it again, but it was also true that you never really needed it. Not in the way that Dean did.

You cautiously handed Crowley the blade and you heard Sam speak, “So where are you going to hide it?”

“I dunno. Crater on the moon, some volcano, I’ll get creative, don’t worry. With the type of grudge Dean can hold since we all betrayed him, I don’t want to get boned you know.” Crowley said then he looked at you.

“Good girl for making the right choice and saving your skin.” The demon said and you scowled.

“Get bent. He still wouldn’t have been in this mess if you never went after Cain you know.” You replied.

“Ahh well. Learn from your mistakes I suppose.” He shrugged.

“Ciao.”

When Crowley disappeared, you could hear Sam turning around to go to the car but you reached out and put a hand on his arm, “Wait a second.”

Sam turned to you and lifted a brow, “I thought we were done here.”

“Well, yeah with the whole maintaining Dean’s mark thing, yeah that was pretty much shot the moment he died. And.. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t much help with that.” You began and you could see from the look on his face that Sam was surprised and wasn’t exactly expecting this kind of conversation.

“Uh… okay?”

“I want to ask you a favor though.”

“Um.. yeah, okay, I guess… shoot.”

“Let me be there in case you need help during the process. Crowley is right, you know how Dean can hold a grudge. And who knows what Castiel’s condition is.”

“I don’t see how that’s really a favor to you, but I guess I can work with that. I’ll need whatever help I can get. But I’m gonna need a few days that way I can get Dean to the bunker and get him secured so he doesn’t escape while I get sanctified blood.” You nodded a little and you and Sam shook hands as a parting.

Sam gave you a grin, “Dean was right. You aren’t like any other demon we’ve come across before.”

You wondered when he said that to Sam during the midst of the whole Metatron ordeal, but you didn’t comment on it.

“Keep in touch and let me know when you need me at the bunker.” You said and Sam nodded.

You looked over at Dean one last time. His gaze was still on you but this time when you looked, he scowled and looked out of the window. Then you snapped your fingers and left.

Several days went by and Sam was able to get Dean bound to a chair in a devils trap in their dungeon. He gave you a call to let you know that he had the sanctified blood and you could stop by to check in or whatever but obviously he was more focused on saving his brother.

He opened the door and saw his big brother raise his head only to glare with that arrogant smirk he seemed to like to wear now more than ever.

“So you’re really gonna do this? Please, I know you wanna try and fix your big brother. But news flash, Sammy. Maybe I don’t wanna be fixed.”

Sam looked at his brother, knowing that the trash talk was bound to happen sooner or later. But it was still annoying when demons talked like that.

“Just let me go and live my life and I won’t bother you.”

“Yeah, no can do, Dean.” Sam said as he opened up the container of human blood and started breaking out the needles.

“Oh what do you care?”

Then there was a moment or two of silence while Sam started splashing holy water onto the concrete floor. He began muttering some Latin while his brother ranted about how he wasn’t going to be all ‘weepy’ or whatever like Crowley was.

“You don’t even know if this is going to work, do you?”

“I know this will work.”

“I’ve got a hell of a lot more in me than just this demon juice.”

“Yeah, the Mark of Cain, blah blah blah… I know. We’ll deal with that later.” Sam said, unphased by whatever threats his brother was trying to pull. Instead, Sam grabbed a needle of human blood that happened to be the same type as Dean’s.

“Awe, Sammy.. You know how much I hate needles.”

“Yeah well… you know how much I hate demons.” Dean changed his eyes and tried to intimidate Sam, just for Sam to splash the demon with the Holy water and he stabbed the needle into Dean’s arm, injecting him with the first dose.

Sam stepped back to observe how Dean would take it. After a few seconds, Dean began to cry out and groan. His muscles tensed, the veins in his neck popped up and he was pulling against his restraints. Sam could hear the way Dean’s voice changed to something deeper and assumed that was the demon part of him beginning to fight for his life.

“We have more where that came from.” Sam said.

Then he stabbed Dean with another needle with human blood into his arm, causing Dean to wince again.

“For all you know… you could be killing me right now.” Dean managed to speak between heavy breaths.

“Yeah, or you could just be messing with me to get me to stop this.” Sam replied, placing the needle down so he could grab another. “Either way, the lore doesn’t mention any exceptions. This should work whether a demon has the mark or not.”

“Oh this is just a load of crap! Lore, hunters, monsters. All of it.”

“Oh what do you know? This isn’t even the real Dean I’m talking to.”

“Oh yes it is, Sammy. This is the real me. The new real me. The me that sees things for what they really are. And I know the things you’ve done while you were out looking for me. The stunts you’ve pulled with those poor unfortunate souls. Unfortunately for you, one of those humans got themselves killed by yours truly.”

Sam’s eyes widened when he heard this. He didn’t know anyone had gotten hurt. Yeah he had told one or two humans about making deals with demons. Sure he may have tortured those demons to try and get any kind of information. But none of the humans were supposed to get killed!

“There’s no difference between you and me. You’re just as bad if not worse than I am. Hell, Cain himself may have thought you could be a candidate for this mark if he saw the shit you’ve done over the past few months.” Dean said.

“We Winchesters… gosh, I just thought it was you and me that defied the natural order. Defied death one too many times. Turned out guys like me, are the natural order. This is how things are supposed to be Sam. So just leave it be.”

“Yeah well… guys like me… we still have to do what we can. Whether guys like you like it or not. No matter how blurred the grey line between black and white has become.” Sam said.

“Yeah, you’re tellin’ me. You just tortured whatever demon you could come across just because Crowley was a no show and no one knew where we were. We did pretty good stayin off the radar before Crowley sold me out.” Dean smirked.

Sam clenched his jaw yet again before he jabbed Dean in the back of the neck, injecting him with even more blood. After that, Sam walked back to the table and set the needle down. He couldn’t believe that human lost both her life and her soul because Dean killed her. He killed Catrina.

“You know what Crowley also told me, Dean? He told me you were too wish washy.” Sam said, beginning to taunt Dean back and he looked at his brother. He needed some kind of payback and sometimes it was fun to taunt demons.

“He said it was like you were torn in the middle of being human and being a demon. So you may think you’re a big bad demon now even with that mark, but you aren’t as intimidating as you think you are. I know my brother is in there somewhere, and I know that maybe the human part feels like shit after letting Y/N walk right out your front door.” Sam said and he watched as Dean slowly lifted his head to glare broodingly again.

“What does that wench have to do with any of this, huh? She’s nothing.” Dean growled.

“Oh you say that, but deep down you know you were wrong. She was the one that wanted to make sure I never found you, remember? She was the one that told me that you didn’t want that kind of accountability anymore. Admit it, you needed her more than you think you did.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“In fact, with as much time as you’ve spent with her, and the fact that Crowley told me you two even had a fling, not to mention that while you were alive she seemed to affect you pretty well… whatever is left of my brother may have even fell in love with her without knowing it.”

“I said SHUT UP”

The demonic voice boomed from Dean and Sam injected the demon with yet another needle of blood. The demon shut his eyes tight and barred his teeth, hands turning into fists as Sam walked away from him.

“You know… if this doesn’t work, you may have to kill me, Sam. Do you really have the stomach for that?” Dean asked, and Sam stopped for a moment. But then he walked out of the room to give Dean a little break. He had a phone call to make to Castiel since he had been giving the angel updates.

You made it to the bunker and you were surprised that Sam never made new spells. You had been in this bunker before and they made a way for you to have immunity to the wardings. Not that you were overly concerned about that.

You started walking downstairs and you figured since this place was so big, Sam wouldn’t be able to hear you. You figured he’d be at the dungeon with Dean. Sure enough, as you walked down the stairs to the dungeon you saw Sam hanging up the phone with someone.

“Y/N, there you are.”

“Hey… catching up with your little angel friend?” You asked as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Yeah… just gave some less than hopeful news is all.” You heard him admit and you knew whatever Castiel said, it couldn’t have been good.

“Castiel says I have to be ready to kill Dean if this goes sideways….”

You frowned a little, knowing Sam didn’t want to think about watching Dean die yet again after having him back in the bunker for the first time in months.

“Hold on to that hope, Sam. Yeah, be prepared. But we may not even have to think about that just yet.”

“He’s not doing well, Y/N… this wasn’t like when we tried to cure Crowley. This is different and he’s in pain. A lot of it.”

Sam walked away from you and what started out as his average step turned into a rush as you heard Sam call Dean’s name. You walked behind him and saw that Dean had his head hung low and Sam was trying to wake him up.

“Dean? Dean, come on, man you’ve gotta wake up. We aren’t done with this.” Sam said and Dean slowly opened his eyes again.

“I’m up.” He grumbled incoherently.

You could hear Sam let out a breath of relief as he stood up but you hid behind a corner, not wanting Dean to see you.

“Dean.. you’re okay…”

“Yeah… if you say that drowning in sweat while your blood boils is okay….” You could hear just from the sound of Dean’s voice that he wasn’t doing so good.

“Well, we have to keep going. We can’t stop.”

“Sure you can. All you have to do is just stop.” Dean said and looked up at his brother. But that was when Dean sensed it. He sensed you.

You were there. He knew you where there. That made the pain of this whole thing fell so much worse now that you were there able to see it. But he had to maintain that facade.

He wouldn’t give you the satisfaction of being affected by you, not after what you did.

“There’s no point in trying to bring your brother back, Sammy and I keep trying to tell you that.” He said as he watched Sam walk back to that table with those damned needles he was hating more and more by the second.

“Your guilt ridden, weight of the world wearing brother has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. But I’m loving this new me whether you like it or not.” He said.

“You wanna know why I wanted to get away from you? As far away as possible? It was to get away from your whining and complaining over this mark. Your nagging. I even chose the king of Hell over you. But damn, I got stuck with a bitch that was a worry wart just like you are! How crazy is that.” He laughed, knowing you were there to hear it.

“But you know what the kicker is? Maybe I’m just tired of luggin’ your ass around and constantly trying to save you just because you were all I had left. The truth is, my mom would be alive if it wasn’t for you. Hell, so would my dad. Your very existence ruined all of what i could have had, did you ever think about that?” Dean continued.

At this point, rambling and taunting was enough to distract himself from the physical pain these treatments were causing him.

“This isn’t my brother talking.” Sam said and Dean scoffed.

“You never had a brother! I was just some excuse for you to never man up. I was the one watching out for you and you could just sit back, relax, and you didn’t ever have a need to see half the shit I saw growing up. I was a bodyguard, not your brother.”

“Besides… Do you ever get tired of telling yourself that, kid? Because deep down, you know it’s true.” Dean smirked.

“No because I know you aren’t my real brother right now and I can’t quit on this. This family doesn’t get to quit.”

“Yeah well we’ve got nothin, don’t we?” Dean tilted his head.

“Is that something you had the balls to tell Dad?”

Then so many memories of John Winchester came up and he laughed as best as he could, ignoring the pain the laughter caused him.

“Dad… now there’s a prize. A man who brainwashed his kids, trained them to be soldiers to win his losing battle. He didn’t even get to kill the demon he wanted to, by the way. He couldn’t just accept the death and move on and try to make a normal life for his two sons. What a good role model.”

Dean watched Sam go to the table and pick up another needle, “What, is this a sorry attempt for you to grow a pair?”

“No… This is an attempt for me to pull your sorry ass out of the fire.” Sam said and yet again, pierced Dean’s skin with the needle.

Dean tensed up again and he could feel himself losing his strength. His vision was beginning to go blurry but as he lifted his head, he caught a glimpse of you before the door was shut.

This wasn’t over. And Dean would make sure of that.

Hey guys! Thank you for reading! This series unfortunately is almost over but I want to thank all of you for the support you’ve shown through your feedback, reblogging, and liking. I wish you all the best!

Tag List:

@roseblue373 @deans-spinster-witch @chriszgirl92 @johannelis2302nely @justtrying2getby-blog @alternativeprincess94 @doctorlexilouwhosblog @deangirl96

[emerxshiu]

i knew i said i would be more active but i was kinda busy with school, but now i've gotten my winter break so i think now i should be able to post more often.

this was a prject for art class where we had to draw what we wanted for christmas, got the highest grade on it!

i was planning to post this earlier but i kinda fell asleep, my sleep schedule is absolute bs at this point but im tryna work on it, kinda.

oh yeah the drawing, gonna talk abt it now, its based on that one kirby twitter image they posted for christmas, i think it was the 2018 one, not sure rn. dedede just put on a belt, thats it, he already looks like santa, bandee is all in spirit with an elf costume and meta had to be begged by bandee to at least put something holiday related on.

sorry its blurry, i couldnt get a better pic no matter how i tried

we also did something similar for halloween

btw marx and mags kissed after this, trust me im the moon.

i dont really have my gijinkas defined aside from kirby, marx and bandee, tho im starting to try to redesing them, but yeah, meta, dedede, and mags could change (i mean, mags already changed here, i used to draw him with short brown hair, but i like this hair better) dunno if it easy to understand, i suck at explaining stuff

i also finished magolor epilogue today at like, 4 am in like 4 or 5 hours and maaannn i loved it, i want to replay it from scratch but i dont wanna delete my save data nor have to replay all of story mode in another save file. i have all stages platinum except hydriath, who is on gold (i swear i'll get you one day!) no matter how i try i can never keep my combo long enough for platinum. when i finished it, i felt kinda empty ngl i wanted more, but didnt feel like trying extra mode or doing the challenges, or really anything i had left to do in krtdldlx

so i checked my ao3 cuz it had been a week since i had and remembered that i had a draft i wanted to post that i only had there

i lost the draft

so i just check my favourite tags and oh look there is another addition to my favourite series there, but i think this is for another time, better when i post a fanart of it

[frudence]

Hazbin Hotel’s Husk backstory and name theorizing

So Husk was born in the 1895-1904 range, since he died at 75 in the 1970s, right?

At the outbreak of The Great War/WWI, that makes him 10-19, average 14-15. Statistically unlikely to be drafted.

By the end, he’s 14-23, average 18-19. So there’s a decent chance he completely avoided the draft for that war, but just as decent a chance he didn’t or got drafted and never got deployed kinda thing.

Possible New Headcanon: An older brother though? He’d have a much higher likelihood of getting drafted AND deployed. Maybe even killed. Imagine Husk being a younger brother / middle-child who *becomes* The Eldest Son right as he’s Coming of Age / Becoming A Man.

Since I don’t see anyone giving up the human name “Henry” for Husk anytime soon, I’d like to propose a name for this possible brother: Isaac.

Named after the “be willing to do anything for the right reason” story. The Would-Be Sacrifice.

Cited Sources: Isaac is #133 on the most popular male names of the 1900s and among the Earliest African-American Male names too.

Related Headcanon Suggestion: Surname Free(d)man. For extra Alastor angst.

What do you think — am I on to something or completely off base? As for WWII…

Personally I don’t think there’s any getting around drafting him for that one, even if the wiki does say he may not have been a soldier at all.

I mean… “Not exactly a convincing interrogation scene”? That quote from the start of Masquerade sounds like someone who DOES know what an interrogation scene looks like. Possibly conducted them himself? You get drafted knowing half as many languages as Husk and you’re ending up in some kind of Military Intelligence division, that’s all I’m saying, either as a spy or a frontline interrogator.

Leading me to my last Hail Mary Headcanon for you: imagine “Husk”/“Husker” being his codename as in… the guy who peels back the layers of enemy POWs for information and leaves them a husk. Think Corn-Husker in the agricultural sense for this metaphor.

Spywork could also lead a person living a chameleon lifestyle to feel disjointed from living all those personas. And not having an opportunity to settle down and love someone or even enjoy time with your own parents/siblings. And after all that ~exciting~ travel, taking risks and beating the odds… aging out of it. Back into obscurity.

It would also explain how easy it was for Husk to pinpoint Angel wasn’t just being “an actor” but fully lost himself in the worst kind of Persona For Survival stuff that I’m not getting into here.

Anyway, I *fully admit* that the Military Interrogator / Spy stuff’s incredibly unlikely. I’m just scratching my brain trying to figure out why our Casino Overlord, at the top of his game, would introduce himself to Alastor as “Husk” at that point. After Alastor gets him, introducing himself to others? Sure. But before Alastor…? I dunno, I smell another layer of meaning, that’s all.

It would also explain him walking around the Pride Ring without getting recognized — if he went by his human name as an Overlord, like Carmilla and Rosie. That or one of Husk’s punishments from Alastor was Hell literally forgetting about him… but hoo boy, that’s a whole other theory isn’t it?

/end ramble

[hedgionary]

GO ON ABOUT SHAMBALLA!!!! I have the same dilemma where I can’t just ignore it… it is so good and yet. So very. Ah…

Alright, so here we go! I may not be as sleep deprived and obsessive and I was when I wrote the first (now eternally lost, RIP) draft, but I'll do my best!

This post contains spoilers. So in case this showed up randomly on your dash and you intend to read it, please keep that in mind. I'll be going over literally everything that comes to my mind.

1. The length and what was cut

SO MUCH WAS LEFT UNEXPLORED! SO. DAMN. MUCH. START, MIDDLE AND ENDING.

Start

If they were going to cut so much anyway, why did they leave the whole castle sequence? I'm not saying it's not entertaining at all, ("Let's go. This whole place is about to blow up." "Brother, why?" "Because I don't like it >:]") it just seemed really detached from the rest of the movie. And considering how long it is, there could've been quite a bit of story packed into the space it took. That's not to say Edward with a fishbowl on his head wasn't funny.

Dunno how they found a lake that big in a landlocked country either.

Middle

Let's start with where the movie picks the main narrative. What exactly was Edward doing when he met Alfons? What was their relationship like? How bonkers did Alfons think Ed was exactly?

Mustang. Depressed Mustang. Riza having to deal with it. How bad has he gotten when even Hawkeye isn't by his side now? Team Mustang were also such a BIG part of the story. Their presence in CoS was definitely lacking. The scene in the North deserved to be longer though.

Envy my little blorbo, I want to put you in the Salad spinner. Both versions. Into the spinner, you. Is there another one of you on this side of the gate??? Would he, or they, have shown up in the life of the Elrics, possibly making it more difficult for the two of them than it already is? And as much as I hate to say it, Nazi Envy is still less annoying an idea than Hughes. The whole military cast all sad little war criminals anyway :[

Wrath. My baby was supposed to have more screentime :( Sure, his death would've been even more painful if he'd had it, but stilll, more Wrath content!!! That's always good!

Izumi's death. I've got more of a love-hate relationship with that woman than I have with the whole movie, and that's something. While I adore BH Izumi with every fibre of my being, '03 just... Rubs me the wrong way. It could've been such a painful scene. But still I get why they chose to do it off-screen.

Ed's fake arm and leg deserve more screentime. You can fight me on this one. While we did get the "This is a carnival! Go have some fun!" Scene for Ed's arm it was... That. And literally nothing else save for a quick shot of how he attached them. How did Hohenheim's replacement affect him? How many times did he assume it was metal and broken it? How delicate is it in comparison? Does his leg also require a pull-start, or is it constantly running? (Haha. Leg. Running. I'm so funny, I know.)

Eckhart get out. 🚪👈🏼 Seriously? After Dante? Now Dante was a Villain with a capital V. Eckhart? Maybe if she'd had enough time to stew on-screen. As it is, she's been stewing in our minds off-screen and getting progressively more pathetic as time goes by. Movie could've worked out without her being the way she is.

Ending

I. Hate. Open. Ambiguous. Endings. WDYM WE GET TO DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS? I DON'T WANT TO. I WANT TO SEE THE ELRICS BEING MESSY. FIGURING IT OUT. FINDING THAT BOMB THING. ALPHONSE WITH A GUN.

Because let's face it; we got Edward with a gun. He doesn't have alchemy anymore. I stand my case. Alphonse with a gun.

Also, hello? Scar and Lust? What could we get from that? Ed and Al both going "Noah, of all the people in the world, you had to find... Them." And just having to roll with it. (Don't let Ed drive. Please don't let Ed drive. What we didn't need was a third car crash and the repercussions of that.)

Most importantly. We all know of Ed's coping habit on this side of the gate. Did he manage to get out of that? Is Al gonna grow slowly aware of how different and broken his brother is? Depression doesn't go away just like that and Edward was already in a difficult place before the brothers were separated.

Something that irks me but probably shouldn't is the fact Shamballah didn't end on a train. Every other piece of Fullmetal media, be it the manga, Brotherhood, or the episodes of '03 ended with Ed on a train, looking out of the window. And then we have Shamballah where they're looking at... Scar, Lust and everyone else in that car. The only reason we know Ed and Al lived is that little OVA from 2005 that said Ed would be 100. And I don't remember if that even mentions what happened with Al.

2. Muuuussiiic

Just to think there could've been more of these treasures. "Alchemic World~Two Years Thereafter" being a variation of the first verse of Brothers. The silly little soundtracks like "Castle of Science Goes Kablooey" or "Automated Mechanical Arm"

Maybe an actual instrumental to "Kelas (Let's-Dance) not just an instrumental version that's a nightmare to attempt singing to. Seriously. It's easier a capella. If you have someone to sing it with, that is. (I don't)

"Requiem" during the funeralll. That track is just... Chef's kiss.

The last track to play is "Lost Heaven" and oh boy doesn't that pack a punch. While Amestris was not heaven, at least it wasn't torturing Ed psychologically 24/7 (Nazi Hughes will haunt me until the end of my days...)

I actually enjoy writing to the CoS soundtrack on random! Gives a weird mood to the story, but when writing scenes as wacky as I am currently... Definitely helpful!

3. Winry and Automail

More if her time with Edward. They didn't even get to say goodbye??? Also, how did she guess his size perfectly??? He is, after all, still short, even at eighteen years old. Poor boy.

Anyway. This doesn't even give me angst potential. They aren't even together long enough to talk, chat, let any feeling resurface. The whole Amestris sequence feels like a fever dream or a badly paced fanfic. I don't drop fics just because they're badly paced, even if I have to fill events in on my own. But a movie? Uhhhh. Yeah. Difficult.

They're just kind of accepting the fact the other exists as if they were benches in a park. "Oh cool. A new bench next to the monument. I'll come back tomorrow. Oh no, no more bench? Weird, but okay."

Edward came back? Cool. Let me give him new automail and skim over the fact he hasn't had any attached in years, so at least some of the nerves shouldn't be working quite right. Definitely not combat ready. Besides, I'm fairly sure Edward is out of practice. Who was he to spar with? Hohenheim's prosthetics were also definitely inferior to automail, meaning his fighting wasn't as good as it had been back home. The weight difference too. So that just felt weird. Even if I personally can't fight. Probably. Haven't tried. Aren't very fit though.

4. The knowledge that we will never know. It's been what, almost 20 years since this movie aired? We're never getting a canon sequel and I can't find a good fic that I can just confidently go "Yeah. That's what happened." to. That's not to say there aren't any that I've enjoyed, just none that feel close enough to canon to work.

Also the fact this has so much crossover potential that's, essentially, ignored. You have both Ed and Al here now. There's so many stories that happen or at least start in our world, having important events around the 1920s. And even if not, it's FANFICTION! You can give the most random excuses such as "Their ashes and dust cannot be laid to rest here, for this is not the earth that birthed them" and you'll have yourself immortal Elrics! Just phrase it poetic enough. Or go with the fact energy cannot be created or destroyed. By all means, there's too much energy here and too little there because of the boys crossing over. Idk. I should've failed physics years ago.

Anyway I wish we could get a redo. Either the three movies idea or the 13 episodes. I just wanna know.

5. Positives

I've been mainly going on about what I dislike in this movie, so let's go on what I did like!

Al. The little thing. Copying your older brother like that? Peak sibling energy. I wonder if you ever did it later just to mess with Ed. You're so much like your brother. Especially the BH au of him. You two would get along like a house on fire. Worse than Ed and Mustang. Al, you're adorable. Just a little critter. Also, memory problem buddy! Yay! I am glad you got them back though. You deserve it. Even if I do wonder how it changed your perspective on the past few years, remembering both your solo travels and the ones with Ed. Your voice was also really silly.

Noah. I liked Noah. I just did. Most of the time. Gave me Rose vibes. I also liked the music her appearance brought in.

Gracia. I liked the fact Gracia was there. I hope she and Maes made it work, maybe even had their own Elysia. Maybe even siblings for her :]

Edward's mental health. Although a heavy topic, I liked the fact the repercussions of being so far from home were shown.

The jokes. Although I haven't actually watched the whole thing in English, I quote this movie at my friends, much to the annoyance of the ones who aren't interested in Fullmetal. Even if I do translate them for conversation purposes.

THE WAY THE COLOURS ARE DIFFERENT IN OUR WORLD AND AMESTRIS. Our world having dark, faded colours. And then Al's bright cloak flashbangs you! Yay! Even when he moves worlds, the colours are a bit dulled.

I liked how Ed looked out of place in Amestris. That his hair wasn't as golden as it had been in the series, at least to my memory.

And yeah, I could go on, but I risk repeating and becoming illegible. I've also been writing this over the course of an entire day after I lost the first draft :')

I did my best to make it coherent, but I definitely forgot some stuff.

[kafus]

file too big for tumblr so you get a youtube video but HIII I DID IT!! I BEAT THORTON!!! I GOT THE GOLD PRINT BABEY I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS TO HAPPEN TONIGHT!! months of on and off grinding and then 3 days straight of doing this nearly all my waking hours and losing so many streaks and I DID IT!!! this is one of the hardest things you can do in gen 4 ever i think i'm losing my mind. pthgss battle factory does NOT fuck around

some commentary below the cut if you're interested in my thoughts/strategy while doing this

when i saw whiscash i swapped into scizor because i thought it was safe and i wanted to preserve weavile's strength, speed, and fake out for later... and i did my calcs wrong. i've been hunched over calculators and spreadsheets for hours to have the best odds of winning this streak and somehow i was calculating doubles damage instead of singles so EQ was stronger than i expected. embarrassingly i didn't notice this until someone pointed it out to me after the fact LOL. i don't even know how i didn't catch it, of course EQ does more damage, it's STAB!! so that was actually a pretty damn dangerous switch! but he missed stone edge i am BLESSED stone edge more like stone MISS AHAHAHAFSDKFSDAL

anyway after whiscash was down i let entei take out my scizor because scizor is slow and was already on low HP, if i tried to preserve it it would probably just get outsped and die to a legendary or something later. and entei had two dangerous sets in particular it could possibly be so i really needed to scout its fire move. tbh when i saw entei my heart sank, i knew my team was really weak to fire and that it could be a problem but i just never found any good pokemon to swap while climbing round 7. i just hoped that garchomp resisting and having earthquake would suffice... but the entei had a shuca berry (halves a super effective ground hit) so outrage actually did more damage. if entei crit me at any point it would have been over but otherwise it would have been impossible to take out garchomp in two hits thankfully. and i had a persim berry if outrage ended in two turns and confused me. but didn't end up mattering!

my heart SANK when the focus band proc'd on latios (a 10% chance) but then i was like YES!! THIS IS WHAT WEAVILE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR!! THERE'S NO WAY IT PROCS TWO MORE TIMES IN A ROW RIGHT?! because weavile using fake out would give me a chance, and then if focus band proc'd again, the flinch from fake out would let me get a second turn and weavile outspeeds that latios SO it was pretty safe unless i got insanely unlucky. AND IT WORKED OUT!!!!

i dunno if i deserved this win because my round 6 (the round before this one) was INCREDIBLY lucky, like, i got the round 7 staraptor in my draft and it had choice band brave bird and just decimated EVERYTHING except a couple bronzongs which i had a strong vaporeon for, so... it was basically a freebie and then round 7 had some close calls but also i got garchomp from trading with the literal first trainer (who i almost lost to but shhh) and then all the stuff with scizor/whiscash... BUT. it's been long enough i'm TAKING IT

anyways POGGERS

i'm probs gonna upload this battle video to the dns exploit server later but i gotta wait for my parents to go to bed so i'm not interrupting them using wifi by turning on the gen 4 compatible guest wifi lol

(btw if you want to do factory yourself please look up smogon's resources on it and use calcs and stuff i promise without it it will be a living nightmare 10x more than it already is)

[thealmightyemprex]

April Foolishness :Buffy the Vampire Slayer

So TV shows based on movies are pretty common but I have to say the most sucesful show based on a film for my money has to be Buffy,because the show is so iconic .....People forget its based on a movie.Now the film has a cult following but nowhere near as big as the shows .Will do some show comparisons but will keep tio a minimum as tonally they are worlds apart ,as this film is firmly a comedy when the show is a bit of a genre buster .Think of this as sort of the rough draft

In this 1992 film Buffy(Kristy Swanson ) is a cheerleader informed by the Watcher ,Merrik (Donald Sutherland) that she is the Slayer,the chosen one reincarnated through the centuries to fight the evils of vampires ,specifically Lothos (Rutger Hauer )

So the movie is a fun slice of early 90's cheese ,and I so see the cult following and the early marks of the TV show .I think the cast is solid with some of my favorite bits just spotting the likes of young Ben Aflek and Hilary Swank .Luke Perry is great as the love interest,I think he added something to a character who couldve been bland ,David Arquette is a scene stealer as a vamparized teen .Stephen Root probabbly gets some of the best jokes in the movie,hes a small character but him talking about his experience with acid got a big laugh .Donald Sutherland I think brings a sense of gravitas to the mentor figure ,and theres a nice dramatic moments where he and buffy just chat and he brings up that he wouldve liked to have been a Boot maker that I found sweet .Paul Reubins doesnt have a lot to do as the villains henchman but his looks and a feew funny lines (AS well as his improvised final scene) make him stand out .My favorite character has to be Rutger Hauer as the villain Lothos ,he just such a fun campy villain ,very classical vampire .Kristy Swanson I feel gets sadly overlooked,and unfairly compared to Sarah Michele Geller .Keep in mind Geller had 7 seasons of character development ,Swanson had one movie ,and Swanson really sells the transformation of cheerleader to Slayer

In terms of negatives.....I honestly feel the script is a bit weak or that a lot has been cut ,because is Lothos in love with Buffy ?Why does Buffy freeze with Lothos ? I dunno I felt very lost at some places .Also while Buffy thinks Merrik is initially a crazy guy or pervert ,she treats this weird old guy WAY to casually.Also if your into the show and decide to watch the movie,be warned the vampires are so diffrent ,being more classical types and a bit goofy ,very jarring to how monstrus the vampires in the show are

I dunno its not great but its fun ,I had a good time

@ariel-seagull-wings @the-blue-fairie @themousefromfantasyland@amalthea9 @barbossas-wench @countesspetofi @princesssarisa@piterelizabethdevries @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @filmcityworld1

[multitude-of-eels]

Okay, got my AO3 ac in order. I'll post chapter one of my banette fic whenever I learn how to use the website

My friend recommended I write in comic sans because it increases readability and, y'know, since no one's going to look at my draft doc except me and people I want to critique it, sure. Comic sans it is.

Anyways, here's an excerpt before I post it.

Mary was one of the few ghosts here beside Charybdis to have a real name. B just meant banette, which was what B was. It was born a ghost, lived as one, and will eventually be exorcized as one. It didn’t need a name, because the only other people it talks to are dead.

Charybdis rather charitably names all the born ghosts that are drawn to the manor, but all the names he gives out are just a single letter. Hell of a charity.

“Uh huh,” Mary said. “What’re your thoughts on the new guy?”

B shrugged. “He’s just a guy, I dunno.”

“Oh c’mon. Like, how well do you think we’re doing against him?”

In lieu of responding, B cast Phantom Force again. A portal wreathed in lightless blue flame opened up, leering in the nuzleaf’s direction from the shadows. This is how most of the ghosts spied on the victims. This was done for all of their sakes, after all.

He was in the treasure wing of the mansion, which meant he’d already made his choice.

“Arceus damn it Mary, you made me miss the best part.”

“The best part?” Mary raised “I knew you were boring, but seriously?”

“Listen, I’ve seen this happen too many times to count. The only interesting part is when they get to throw a wrench in things.”

“Throw a wrench in what? He’s trapped in the mansion no matter which way he went.”

“I dunno. It feels like it goes off script when the victims get their chance to do something. Even if I know they’ll still be trapped, sometimes they do some pretty wild shit.”

The nuzleaf turned towards the portal, almost looking right at it. His eyes were fixed on something above or behind it, but that didn’t stop Mary from flinching. 

“You’re sure he can’t hear us?”

“They haven’t heard me in 80 years, Mary. I doubt he’ll be the first.”

B liked calling people by their names. It hated its own, and it was sure many of the ghosts here shared a similar opinion of Charybdis’ naming scheme, but it helped ground it. It was so easy to get lost in the malice of it all. To be consumed by the need to resent and antagonize humanity. But sometimes B just wanted to be reminded that it was more than something that hated and killed, and it wanted to extend that courtesy to everyone else as well. Especially Mary, who had once been alive.

[aristre]

omg those gojo cheating headcanons were so good 🤩walking in on gojo riding his bff is my dream 🤩🤩🤩🤩can i request toji x reader fluff <3 new challenge!!!!!!

babygirl im going to kill myself. my laptop restarted and it didn't save my beautiful wonderful draft. it was the most wonderful thing i have ever read and now its gone and i barely remember what happened. i am goign to actually kill myself. so hard. this is a terrible day for readers everywhere who have lost aria's toji x reader fluff headcanons. this is devastating. i will never come back from it

as much of the toji x reader fluff as i can remember

handsome men are as easy to find as loose change in the cracks of the sidewalk these days. this is how you find toji zenin in the streets and later lug him back to your apartment to keep. his name, though, you only learn two months later.

you complain about how he doesn't do the chores, how he leaves his clothes lying around, and how he hasn't paid a cent of the upcoming rent. he disappears for three days afterwards and you're fraught with worry thinking he's gone off and died somewhere on his own, but he returns with a face covered in blood and a wad of cash he calls rent. you quickly forgive him and learn not to ask him for rent again.

your cohabitation comes surprisingly naturally. you ask him where the milk is with your head in the fridge (i drank it all), where the remote is (under the cushion), and what he'd prefer for dinner (dunno, up to you). you call him a freeloader once in a while, more out of fondness than anything, but then he comes back with more money from dubious origins and you cut that out of your repertoire. you're just using me to launder your money, you accuse him, and he never thinks to correct you.

and one day you have a little too much to drink and your conversations become moreso did you buy condoms coming back, or okay, okay stop kissing me, i need to go work since you're not paying a cent, and then babe, please stop bringing me your weird money, i have no idea how you got this and i don't need to know.

he says he's a zenin one day. okay, you say. so are you a celebrity's kid or something? he says, no, i'm a zenin, we're a jujutsu clan. you say, so you're a famous martial arts family? and the stare he gives you afterwards is so scathing and incredulous you have no choice but to listen to his story.

he's a zenin and he's probably done all sorts of things to pay your rent, but you're five months into living together and three months into your relationship, so you decide you'll have to start laundering his money from now on.

and then you're six months into living together, four months into your relationship, two months late for your period, and your life changes. you don't have a ceremony, but he takes on your surname in the documents and you're happy enough as it is with him.

he says, what are we going to name the kid? and you think, and think, and think. names are not easy. neither is raising a kid. but you're happy with this freeloader of yours and can't imagine yourself any happier, so you put a hand on your stomach and say, well, i think megumi would be nice.

[bunny-hoodlum]

Revising Idle Hands... again

Final time, I swear!!!

I wasn't going to make a post about this until I actually got it all done. I was also going to write a full rewrite on the side to see which one I liked better because the structure was going to change to where the genre felt more in line with typical erotica or whatever.

But a bunch of stuff happened and I've lost the vision of how I was going to do that. XD Even though I have notes for it, they ain't really doing anything for me.

Maybe it'll come to me after I do the revisions, but either way, yes I finally have the story completely figured out now. 😅 (or the backstory, rather, which is still important. The plot is pretty simple otherwise, it's just the motivations and such weren't fleshed out and was making writing harder and harder. Basically, it just felt like I couldn't make them do what the script says they're going to do).

Currently, Naruto and Hinata don't have significant history together and I didn't realize that's what was making the story's progression fall apart in my head. Anyways, now they do and I have to go through what I already have on Ao3 to accommodate that detail. I probably don't have to do much, but I might also write in new scenes if they fit.

The other thing is Sasuke. I actually felt like he was too chatty towards the end of Ch 5 and that bothers me, on top of that chattiness being purely convenient exposition, like, it just feels lazy of me, so that's getting axed to some degree. There's also some flaws in the paint thinner scene as well. But more importantly... I am changing Sasuke to a new kid in town. I'm thinking he moved in while Naruto was out of town, so when Naruto came back, 'the sticks' suddenly became very interesting and that's why they're 'friends'. This will also open him up to be fascinated with the beef between Naruto and Hinata since he wasn't there for any of that.

Other revisions will be worldbuilding related for my own satisfaction. They'll affect Naruto's characterization to a degree. I also think that this probation shouldn't affect his ability to do what he wants as much as it's currently portrayed, so I'm going to see what I can do about that.

I started "IWGP: Ikebukuro West Gate Park" on Netflix a few days ago and it gave me ideas. I should actually try to binge it though so that way I don't have regret when the other episodes inspire me and I'm all like 'Oh no, I could have put that there'. 😅😅😅 But I'm so impatient, I want to write already!!!!!!1!111! 😤😤😤

Anyways, in the future I am going to try to write my stuff all in one sitting so this doesn't keep happening to me again. 😓 Like my Shibari AU when I get around to it, and Dissolve Me. I gotta rough draft the hell out of those for sure, and probably multiple times. 😤 I honestly kind of want to combine the current chapters of Dissolve Me into the first chapter as well, but I dunno, that kind of feels like a vanity thing eheh.

Anyhoo, I'm pretty excited about this project again, yay! 🥰🤪🥳

[elsiebrayisgay]

For the ask game: 3, 16 and 17 😊

um yeah! 3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic so this has changed a lot since i started writing prose, tbh, but there are some hallmarks of my process that have stayed the same. the absolute first thing that has always remained true whether it's been more academic, poetry (which is what i did for my degree,) TTRPG stuff, or now prose fanfic, is that no matter what no matter where no matter when if i have an idea i do my best to write it down. i have lost too many good ideas to not being sure what i had thought up and being certain i'd remember it. so often when i am laying in bed drifting off to sleep and thinking about my work, i will grumble and sit up and unlock my laptop to type out some notes.

another thing that was true for a while and still holds up somewhat today (with caveats) is that when i get inspired by something, i *write*. the first chapter of sourceless bruises was written in one evening after i got home from being out at dinner. i'd had vague concepts and ideas floating around for months before then but when it finally hit me i just sat down and wrote. this doesn't really happen as much anymore because even though i have the inspiration and the hyperfixation, i just don't have the energy to be up and in such high gear for so long, so i need to break it up more. this was true of my poetry and essays for school as well, though; i would just sit down start turning work out when i wanted or needed to.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

alright so i've been kind of trying to figure out what i want to write after sourceless bruises. i took kind of a long break between my first fic and my second fic (more of these queer feelings... it's probably nothing on ao3) because i was just sort of waiting to have an idea i felt really solid about working on and that's how long it took. partially because sourceless bruises is a bigger project and is taking longer, these days i have a lot more ideas for what to work on next kicking around. none of them are really formed into anything super cogent, because i pretty strictly keep myself to one involved/long-term creative project at a time. however, things i have been interested in developing once i have wrapped up sourceless bruises in no particular order:

i have a draft started for a sequel to more of these queer feelings. it's mostly outlined, but i hadn't really gotten far into the drafting process.

korrasami modern au. this kind of setting adaptation is my bread and butter, if you couldn't tell. i posted a joke about this sort of idea on tumblr a while back but it actually got a lot more traction than i was expecting and so honestly i'm thinking about putting some more work in on it.

cait/vi (vilyn?) has been really interesting to me recently. i dunno, something about those girls. so i've been thinking about early stages of what i might want to do with them, whether to give them my normal au treatment or try something else.

i have also been working a bit on a premise for some original fiction. i will only say at this point that it will be horror/mystery and probably be a fair bit bleaker than what i tend to write for ao3 (though honestly i have no idea how i would go about publishing original fiction.)

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

okay so at this point it's time to circle back to the first answer in this post because honestly the truth of how i go about writing chapters these days falls a lot more under this question than that more general one. the first thing i'm going to say is that in my opinion, writing is labor. there's an old interview with john darnielle and john k. samson (among others) where JD talks about how there's no such thing as convenience store clerk block, or coal miner's block, so writers shouldn't get blocked—they should just keep sitting down to write, and to some extent i believe in that idea, but i want to add nuance. i think there probably is such a thing as convenience store clerk block, and coal miner's block, it's just that society doesn't allow or expect them to take breaks, or go on sabbatical or whatever. so they end up working through, and maybe burning out. i think that labor is something that any person, in any field, needs to take at their own personal sustainable pace. it's really easy, as a writer, to compare yourself to others. word counts on ao3, stories published, etc. but i think it's very important to listen to your mind and body about what you need as a creative person and also just as a person. if you've got nothing right now, i think it is important to try allowing your mind to simply lie fallow. there's that post about mental crop rotation, and about letting your mind have time where it isn't expected to turn out anything that needs to get put on a page. i think respecting that need is pretty important. this philosophy is how i've been going about writing since i got out of school.

this ties into the actual difficulty i've mostly been having with sourceless bruises. around late 2022/early 2023 i had some life circumstances cause my chronic illness to get a lot more severe, from which i have never fully recovered. this has meant that my pain is a lot worse, and my energy levels are a lot lower. what i used to be able to do with turning out thousands of words a day when i was really inspired happens only very rarely now, when those moments line up with my good days. there's another post on here (somewhere in my reblogs) talking about what to do as a fic writer when your capabilities change, and a lot of the advice on that post has stuck with me. accepting my limits and working within them has definitely meant that my process is a lot slower, especially during flares (and once the weather warms up in the spring i am mostly stuck in one big flare until fall) but it also means that i get to maintain the quality of what i produce and my own quality of life. in these periods, i mostly just try to carve out a bit of time every day when i am able to sit up, usually only fifteen or twenty minutes or so, to peck away at my draft. i sit down, get a paragraph or two dealt with, maybe look at a bit of research, maybe not, and at the end of it i have maybe two hundred more words than i did before. some days, i don't even feel up to this. sometimes i go a week without doing it. but i try to just carve out some time when i can to peck away and eventually i end up with a finished chapter. that's really what my creative process looks like these days.

[brw]

If you could write a Wonder Man ongoing volume 4, who's your supporting cast, your villains, and your overall plot? And how much gay sex will Marvel allow you to hint at before they tell you to stop?

Gosh I wish I could put asks in my drafts and edit them still. Okay my ideal Wonder Man V4 does have a similar basic principle to V2, because I really think being active as an actor and as a superhero at the same time is one of the things that really sets Simon apart from other characters. And this would come across in some of the reoccurring cast members; I'm imagining a high-brow director whom Simon is supposed to have lunch with constantly to discuss potentially playing a part in a new project, but something keeps popping up before he can get there. Probably a parody of Wes Anderson or something. Two actors, one from his d-list projects and one who's actually pretty famous and just happens to like Simon as a person and keeps forgetting he is also an actor because they see him as a superhero. A film editor who absolutely fucking hates him but keeps running into him, the hatred comes from hours lost having to edit out Simon's red eyes when he forgets to turn them off. A few more people involved with filmmaking, and I want to get obscure with these jobs, I'm talking the Best Boys and some caterer he accidentally became friends with. Simon meets and talks to a lot of people on sets and modelling and interviews, and that comes across in his social circle which covers a wide array of all the different people who are part of the filmmaking experience.

But I also need superheroes as my supporting cast, so obviously Vision and their kids are there. I'm thinking just Vin and I'm not going to explain how he came back, he's just there and now spending time with his uncle. Bobby Drake is in California now, or was before all that shit happened in his mini? I think it'll be funny if Simon and Bobby get to know each other but don't really know how close the other is to Hank and manage to become pretty close without mentioning him once until like, Hank happens to stumble into the room and immediately tries to escape because he's terrified over the concept of these two getting all chummy. Hank Pym is going to be Simon's scientist of choice whenever he needs a smart guy, and you better believe I'm going to try and fix the weird "Hank Pym likes Simon more as a grandchild than Vision because Simon looks more human" deal they've got going on. Hank Pym's job is to smoke his pipe and give scientific advice while Simon has to stop XYZ from destroying California. Hank McCoy is going to be an elephant in the room who Simon pointedly does not mention but he does get visibly morose and somber every time the X-Men are brought up. Then after, I dunno, issue 12 or whatever, they eventually meet and after that point of reconciliation Hank is back in Simon's life actively.

Okay, villains! Eric, obviously, because you can't have a good Simon story for long without bringing in Eric. There's a lot I would want to do to fix Eric and fix his dynamic with Simon, genuinely would probably be a first arc of the series because it's that important to me I remind people these two have an interesting and nuanced dynamic and Eric does love his brother no matter how much he tries to pretend he doesn't. Some members of the Revengers, sans Tom Foster, who are bitter over Simon dropping them very shortly after getting captured. I think this is where Simon's pacifism will be more ironed out as a political mindset as much as a personal one. Maybe he and Tom strike an alliance to take them on together? Not sure. Alkhema I think will also be there to give us that Ultron vibe without Ultron actually being there. And because I'm insane, some villains from the original run of Guardians of the Galaxy when Hollywood was a thing are going to travel back in time to try and kill Hollywood when he was young and less powerful, and Simon learns he outlives essentially most of the human race and grapples with his immortality (again) (but fun this time because Vision is there to help with the realisation you will outlive everyone) (and they love each other and have a sappy moment over it together because I can do what I want). I'll also have some original villains I think but those are more single issue types.

OVERALL PLOT—Wonder Man is back in Hollywood and is looking worse for wear. Following Deadpool using up most of his money, Simon is desperate, taking up roles he normally wouldn't consider for the cash. But his return to the Hollywood studio set doesn't go unnoticed, either by his audience or by the many enemies he made last time he was in Tinseltown. One of these roles is a superhero reality show, which Simon would never normally consider but does give more and more thought as his financial situation dips. Being a pacifist, he can't go back to Avenging, a point he has to seriously consider and think about as things progress. Is it worth compromising his beliefs for money? Is it worth compromising himself as an artist, compromising his dignity in exchange for success? Is it possible to do what you love and what you're passionate about in this business and still make money? And how much can directors and producers use his body and powers for a scene before it slides from helping out, to exploitation? All questions will be thought about, considered, and maybe even answered by the end :) that's right, my ideal Wonder Man series is all about the exploitation of the arts under capitalism and the fact that many have to compromise artistic passion for money.

Which brings us to the last point–honestly Simon doesn't really have sex very often which is a saving grace where that's concerned. I think I would manage a few lingering or knowing stares with say, Freddy or so, and even an overtly homoerotic moment with Hank because people love those but the moment I start going down the inevitable "Simon is clearly not into women romantically or sexually, is very repressed about this but it still comes across he's into men" route I think is when I have problems. I also want Simon and Vision to have a talk kind of like that Malcolm in the Middle scene where the brothers both think the other is gay and go about it by saying shit like "and it would be ridiculous, really, if I hated you because you didnt like the same sandwich as me. I like cheese, but you might not, and that's okay" because I like fun and whimsy. I think I would make it further than you might think but when we hit homoerotic Wonderbeast scene #3, that's when the emails will start coming in I imagine.