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prismatoxic · 3 months ago

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(ID in alt!)

hey there! my name is tox and I'm a 29-year-old gay trans man who loves writing, drawing, playing video games, and thinking about fictional men kissing.

writing tag art tag original text posts/post additions tag promises to keep tag (in case that's why you're here)

my current main fandom is dungeon meshi, and my main ship for that is chilaios. I'm caught up on the anime and have read the manga; my spoiler tags are #dunmeshi spoilers (for general major story spoilers and things the anime hasn't gotten to yet) and #dunmeshi anime spoilers (for details specific to new or imminently upcoming anime episodes).

some other fandoms you may see from time to time are the legend of zelda, persona (mostly 4 and 5), fall out boy, gravity falls, cult of the lamb, star trek (mostly tos and lower decks), dragon age, and a random collection of others I'm also into. I typically tag for fandom (especially if it's one likely to show up again on my blog), as well as ship if applicable. I'm also massively into OCs and have many of my own, several of which are shared with my partner, @/captainfkingmagic. you'll see those a lot.

I also reblog a lot of general stuff, from queer discussions to fandom discourse to stuff I just find funny. I have an organizational tag system and I also add commentary tags to a lot of things. (sorry for clogging your notes with those if I reblog from you a lot.)

generally speaking, I don't really do the DNI stuff, but that said: my blog is 18+ and I will block minors who follow me or message me directly. I'm also profic as you can see in the above image and my blog description; this means I believe everyone should have the freedom to depict and enjoy anything they want to in fiction. I do not condone irl harm of any kind (unless it's consensual, I'm pro-kink too!). if you are someone who hates "illegal ships" or has "proship DNI" in your bio, you won't like it here, and I'll block you if I notice you in my notes.

to wrap this up, I am forgetful and shy but I do really love engaging with people, so I'm generally happy to answer messages if you're not being a dick (I will block you if you are). anon asks are on at present and will stay on unless people use them to harass me; feel free to send me stuff! I'm always open to being corrected/given additional info for anything I post or reblog, as well, so don't be afraid to send such messages as long as you're polite.

other places you can find me:

ao3 aethy twitter buzzly my chilaios discord server, which is also where I post updates and behind the scenes stuff for my fic promises to keep! (make sure to fully read the rules!)

#tox.txt #yeah we're doing this again #editing the old one was getting to be a chore

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much-ado-about-whumping · 4 years ago

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Déomas Forges Ahead

Gonna keep titling these installments like American Girl books. Next time, Déomas Saves the Day!

Okay, but actually: Déomas and Rhys try to move forward. They encounter some roadblocks.

Thanks very much to @newbornwhumperfly and @green-eyed-whumpster for talking me through pieces of this when I was stuck. <333

CWs: past non-con, aftermath of non-con, not-very-detailed non-con flashback, poorly-negotiated consensual kink, non-con survivor struggling with consensual sex, a little bit of internalized victim-blaming

Here’s where to find my Déomas Master Post and my other works.

Tagging: @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @boxboysandotherwhump , @newbornwhumperfly , @potatopothole , @whatwasmyprevioususername, @moose-teeth , @green-eyed-whumpster (I think that was it? Please let me know if I've forgotten anyone, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list!

Normally, Déomas can bear to let Rhys touch him. Normally he likes to lie in bed with his beloved, both of them in various stages of undress, and he likes to let his fingers and his mouth explore Rhys' body, likes to let Rhys' fingers and his mouth explore his own. Normally he feels safe with Rhys atop him, inside him - wanted, held, loved.

He liked sex, is the worst part of it. Before the dungeon, before the prince, he liked sex, and he liked it adventurous - pushy and forceful and playfully mean, sometimes, with his wrists pinned in Rhys' grip or his ass red from Rhys' hand, with Rhys pushing into him with enough force to hurt just a little, just enough to get his adrenaline pumping and his senses heightened and that taste of risk on his tongue.

He misses it, being able to let Rhys chase him around the room and bend him over an armchair, or throw him down on the bed, or shove him up against a wall, rutting into him roughly and making him feel so tightly held, so desperately wanted. It took practice at first, but in time Rhys was able to trust him that though he might struggle in his grip, Déomas liked feeling a little overpowered - that if he needed to stop, really, he would say so, using the words reserved for that purpose. And after - after, Rhys who is always so attentive at the best of times would hold him like he was the most precious thing in the world, would gather him close and make him feel safe and cherished and desperately wanted in a different way, and he would come back to himself in the sweetest place, curled in his beloved's arms.

But they robbed him of that in that dungeon, on that workbench, in the prince's bed. Now the suggestion of manacles sends him spiralling into a panic, makes him feel like he can't breathe. It used to focus him, sometimes, to be blindfolded - now it sends him right back to one of the worst nights, and he cannot bear it, he cannot stand to be unable to see. He used to like a little pressure at his throat - not enough to choke him, just enough for the threat - and now it feels impossible that he'll ever enjoy that again.

And so Rhys is gentle with him in bed, now, and slow, and he is grateful for it, but he misses when things were sharper, fiercer, brighter - he misses the tangy-sweet burst of pain and pleasure hitting him at once. And the farther he gets from his time kneeling at the prince's feet, or bent over the prince's escritoire, or bound and spread in the prince's bed, the more he resents the things his time there ruined for him - the more he feels that perhaps all he really needs is to take them back.

It's a lazy afternoon, on Rhys' first real day off in ages, and Déomas is on his back with his beloved atop him. Rhys has opened him up gently, filled him lovingly, and now he's rocking into Déomas with a firm, steady rhythm that almost, almost scratches the itch. And here in Rhys' room, in Rhys' bed, in Rhys' arms, it doesn't feel like anything can hurt him anymore, not really.

So when the impulse seizes him, it seems harmless to obey. He cants his hips up, wraps his legs around Rhys' waist, and tells Rhys what he needs.

"Harder," he pleads, letting his fingers tangle in Rhys' hair.

Rhys slows, pulling away a little to look at Déomas' face. At the question in his eyes, Déomas gives a needy whine.

"Harder, Rhys - please."

"Déma."

Rhys' voice comes soft with concern, attentive and serious.

"Déma, are you sure?"

Déomas resists the urge to bury his face in Rhys' shoulder. He's never been shy about asking for what he wants in bed before, but Rhys is looking at him like he's fragile, and it makes him feel somehow that he must be wrong. He fights through the abashed impulse, trying to translate his embarrassment to coyness, hoping the flush he feels rising in his cheeks will look inviting.

"I'm sure, Rhys. Please, baby - give me what I need."

And it works, and Rhys does, and for a time Déomas is soaring. Rhys is pounding into him and Déomas feels grounded, wanted, claimed. Rhys is talking to him now, old familiar teasing words, playful coming from him - "You're so beautiful like this, so pretty for me, you can take it, you can take it- "

And he can, and he does, and he's nodding desperately up at Rhys, because yes, yes, yes this is what he needs, and then Rhys growls, "Gods, you're so tight," and the bed drops out from under Déomas.

For a moment, he doesn't have a body. He is a network of nerves all screaming in overdrive, and he is very far away from anything at all, and he is somewhere trapped behind his eyes, and he is dizzy and he is frozen and he is strapped down to that fucking workbench, and the guard between his legs is tearing him open, saying, "With all the cocks you took today, it's amazing you're still so tight." And he is screaming, and he is-

"Déma? Déma, come back to me."

He's lying in Rhys' bed. He is lying in Rhys' bed, and Rhys is kneeling beside him, watching him, worry plain across his face. Déomas releases a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He tastes salt. His cheeks are wet.

"Déma, I'm sorry."

Rhys' cheeks are wet, too.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Déma, I would never hurt you, you're safe here, you're safe with me- "

Déomas feels frozen, numb. But he doesn't want Rhys to be hurt - that doesn't seem right - so he moves toward him, tugging Rhys closer so that Déomas can curl into his chest.

There are more tears on his cheeks, now, and his shoulders are starting to shake, and he just wants to make this better, just wants to make Rhys feel good again - it's dangerous to leave a man wanting like that, he's learned his lesson, really - and he reaches for Rhys' cock-

"Déomas, no," Rhys says gently.

"I can- I can do it, please, let me try, I can finish you, please- "

He's crying, he realizes, and it isn't the pretty kind, artful little tears that make the man taking him feel strong - it's big, ugly sobs, artless and inelegant and raw, and that's dangerous, too, because Rhys isn't the type to want to see him break-

"I'm sorry," he sobs, "I can be good for you, please, I can be good, I can be good- "

Rhys isn't touching him at all now. He's doing something else, making some movement with his hips, with his cock, and Déomas can be good, he cants his thighs open invitingly, and Rhys- Rhys is shifting to the side. Rhys is draping a sheet over Déomas' legs, a little privacy, a little space. Rhys is tucking his cock away.

"Please please please please please- "

He's barely conscious of what he's saying - he cannot breathe, he cannot think, he can't, he can't, he can't-

"Déomas, please. Please, love, listen to me. Listen to me."

Rhys' voice comes gentle and firm, and then he lays one hand on Déomas' cheek, gentle and tender and grounding, somehow.

"Déomas. You don't have to do that with me, baby. I'm not them. I don't want to fuck you when you're scared, or when it hurts, okay?"

Déomas shakes his head urgently. He needs more touch, he needs to be taken back, he needs to not be sent away-

"It's nothing, Rhys, it's fine, I'm fine- "

Rhys pauses for a moment, takes a deep breath. His voice is shaky when it comes.

"Déomas, is it okay if I hold you?"

Déomas nods, and then Rhys' arms are around him, Rhys' hands are cradling his head against Rhys' shoulder, Rhys' scent is filling him up, Rhys' voice is shushing gently in his ear.

"You don't owe me anything, Déma," Rhys says softly. "You don't. You don't. I'm not angry. It's okay."

He needs this. He needs this with such urgency it scares him, and he seizes Rhys like he's drowning and Rhys is driftwood, like he's been buried alive and Rhys is a gasp of fresh air.

"Don't leave me," he whimpers before he realizes what he's saying.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me, please, I need you, I need you, I need you here, please, don't stop touching me I need you Rhys I need- I need you to remind me where I am- "

"No, Déma," Rhys says softly, ugently, "no, beloved, I'm here, I'm not leaving. I won't leave you. I'm right here."

Rhys finds a way to gather him even closer, somehow, makes space to take him nearer to his chest. So Déomas nestles in and lets Rhys stroke his hair, and rub his back, and rock him gently back and forth, whispering soothing nothings all the while.

Déomas can hear his heartbeat now, dun-da-dun-da-dun against his ear. He hears his lover's breathing hitch sometimes, so he knows that he is not alone in this, in grieving how the ease was robbed from them. He feels the arms around him, warm and strong, and he feels the bed beneath him, soft and real. His breath has slowed to match the rhythmic strokes of Rhys' hand between his shoulderblades. He's safe. He's safe. He's safe. He's safe. He's safe.

"Thank you," he says quietly, his voice muffled where his face it tucked against Rhys' chest. For a moment he thinks Rhys might be asleep.

But then his answer comes, his voice rough from crying, but still impossibly gentle.

"It's okay, Déma. We'll get through this together, you and me."

Déomas nods, nuzzling against Rhys' shoulder, and then he lets himself close his eyes.

#past non-con cw #non-con flashback cw #flashback cw #under-negotiated kink cw #non-con survivor struggling with consensual sex #internalized victim blaming (a little)#déomas #déomas & rhys #déomas overbridge #rhys darrow #bel's writing #bel's OCs #there are parts of this i LOVE and parts that make me cringe but I hope you like it <3 #edited from desktop to add a cut

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xt1erminator-blog · 8 years ago

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“Celebrity” DMs That Slay

I love Dungeons & Dragons. I love playing it, DMing it, reading about it, watching YouTube videos on subject matter relating to it (Nerdarchy, Matt Colville and Drunkens & Dragons: Play D&D Like A Badass are all great YouTube channels with quality content). Some games are even great to watch live streams of, especially observing talented “celebrity” Dungeon Masters working their magic, some of them admitting a lot of their “performance” and the content they come up with for their players is improvised and off the cuff. It takes a lot to pull that off. Most games out there however, are very difficult to watch and enjoy. There are too many distractions among groups when streaming stuff and it can be boring.

So, for anyone new to the D&D hobby that might be reading this blog, I just wanted to write up some stuff on three of the best publicly known Dungeon Masters out there thanks to the Internet - most of us into D&D will know who they are, and they are all are on a lot of people’s Top 3 Dungeon Masters Ever lists I’m sure. These guys put in some crazy hard work to help the online community better ourselves as Dungeon Masters. Thank you.

(And you know, I should have mentioned this in one of my first posts on this site, but I’m not a professional blogger or even a good writer. This is just my space to shoot the shit (probably mostly talking to myself no doubt) about one of my favourite past times, D&D). Warning: some of this post may seem out of logical order, sorry in advance :) I had to go back and edit it a few times. Apologies for any inaccuracies as well but I’m pretty confident it’s solid.

Chris Perkins, “Celebrity DM to the Stars”

Being a semi-regular reader of Dungeon magazine for quite some time, I didn’t really pay attention to names of the authors of the short adventure modules published within the magazine’s pages. When I reconnected with the hobby a couple of years ago after hearing a lot of good praise about 5th Edition D&D, I did more and more research about the people behind it, and naturally stumbled across reading about Chris and the Acquisitions Incorporated live games run at some of the PAX (Penny Arcade Expo) Conventions with the Penny Arcade guys (Jerry Holkins, Mike Krahulik and Scott Kurtz, as well as occasional appearances by celebrities/TV personalities like Wil Wheaton and Morgan Webb, author Patrick Rothfuss, etc.). Then I went back through old Dungeon magazines after reading that’s how Chris got his start to getting his foot in the door, and have since become a fan of his. He’s even replied to Tweets of mine once or twice. Woo.

I am very entertained by how Chris runs his live games. It’s quite easy to see why he is held in such high regard. I started to lose a little interest in his work however when his regular weekly Dice, Camera, Action web series started. They were starting to run a series based on The Curse of Strahd just before the book released. The PAX games are still great, as are the in-studio AI series episodes, however with Dice, Camera, Action things seemed to really be a struggle and it was hard to follow and really get in to. Between technical difficulties in the first few episodes, to things taking a long time to pick up due to excessive chatter which was in my opinion a waste of time (get on with the game ffs! This happened quite frequently), it was hard to keep myself entertained and motivated enough to finish watching each episode. By the 6th episode or so, I stopped watching D, CA entirely. I decided to revisit it recently and while the presentation is a bit better and they seem to have worked out the kinks in the system, I have come to the conclusion why it wasn’t a success for me: the cast picked for this series is not very good. It’s not Chris - how can it be. The guy is probably the most dedicated and passionate Dungeons & Dragons fan, Dungeon Master, works for the company who makes the game (Wizards of the Coast), and spends a shitload of time on Twitter answering questions from fans with his unique sense of humour, I love the guy (not that way). The cast though. Very weak. Generally speaking they are either too silly to take seriously or not entertaining enough in role playing their characters (hey, I’m not very good when I play and probably an even worse DM so I’m not tooting my own horn by any means), etc. but they are on camera for this and I really cannot believe so many people like this show like they say they do. The whole “Waffle Crew” thing I just don’t get I guess. The cast isn’t exceptional and I think Chris should be spending his time with a different group doing bigger and better things. Again, I am a heavily opinionated bastard as stated in the header of this blog :) “ProJared” is probably the weakest link in the D, CA group. He just doesn’t bring anything to the table and quite honestly, his attitude sucks. It is a puzzle to me how he was chosen to partake in this show with the legendary Christopher Perkins, DM. Just watch his videos on his YouTube channel, ProJared Plays I believe it’s called. I suggest watching his video entitled “Worst Player Ever”. Wait for the part where he describes how he “loses his shit” with “Steve”. But enough about him... Chris rocks.

Matt Mercer, He’s Pretty OK

One of the players in a campaign I run is a very, very big fan of Critical Role. If you don’t know what CR is, Google it. It’s one of the reasons she became interested in Dungeons & Dragons and wanted to try it out, which opened a huge floodgate for me that had been closed for several years, and caused my re-connection with the hobby a couple of years ago. The addiction resurfaced and hundreds (OK, probably thousands) of dollars later I am the proud owner of a collection of nerdy D&D stuff that has been amassed. Damn you, Liesl.

Anyhow. I was curious and tried watching some episodes of CR. At the time, I wasn’t into it. Not at all. I wouldn’t say I am now either, but I have probably watched around half of the 80+ episodes and find quite a bit of entertainment in the performance everyone in that group delivers.

So, at the time we started getting into 5e via the infamous Starter Set, featuring the introductory Lost Mine of Phandelver adventure module. Naturally, I ran it improvising mostly everything and only referencing major area and plot details when absolutely required. I admittedly do not care much for running any of the current 5e premade adventures and therefore probably won’t ever run any of them in their entirety (I will pick apart things, and throw in content from an old Dungeon magazine, even 4e source book, etc. or borrow a part from some other WotC hard cover adventure campaign book, that, like I said, will never run in its entirety). There’s good stuff in there, but it doesn’t play like modules back in the good old days. Anyhow I think it went well. The more we played, the more references were made to Critical Role and how Matt did things. So I got more and more curious and gave Matt and CR another chance. Glad I did.

It turns out what I really went back for though after thinking I didn’t like CR, was Matt Mercer (after awhile the cast of that show grew on me, but I was paying particular attention to Matt most of the time). It’s absolutely unlikely I would ever be able to pull off 1% of what he can do with voices, and describing and gesturing things when he spins his tale - but I try to absorb everything I can, and hope my poor little brain remembers just a smidgen of it and it enters my game at some point and does just a little bit to help my improvisational skills. I don’t think I’ll ever attempt performing NPC or monster voices, but who knows... like they say, you’ll never get anywhere with it if you don’t just start doing it, no matter how much of a fool you think you are making of yourself. There is a reason why Matthew Mercer is regarded as one of the best Dungeon Masters in the world, because he truly is just that damn good.

Also - FORCE GREY IS AMAZING. It’s a short run series Matt DM’d for several other celebrity players including the immortal Brian Posehn.

Matt Colville, the YouTube DM Activist

Finally, I think my personal absolute favourite "popular” Dungeon Master these days would have to be none other than Matt Colville. He claims to be a normal person just like anyone else, but he’s totally a celebrity now, to me anyhow. Ha ha. Dude, you’re on a now-quite-popular YouTube channel. You’re awesome. Thank you.

Matt is a writer by profession. He’s got a couple of fantasy novels he’s written that you can find on Amazon.com (Priest, and Thief I believe are the titles - check them out). He’s also lead writer at Turtle Rock game studio in California. Makers of games like the Mercenaries series on consoles, and more recently the party vs. big bad enemy shooter Evolve (he says he’s most proud of this title), all of which Matt did major writing on. From the game sessions I have watched that he has posted on his channel, it is evident that he is very creative and an extremely bright person more than capable of running a really great game that is well thought out and has all the bells and whistles and logistics of everything worked out just right (in my opinion). I wish I could run my games with his brain :)

The last few videos I’ve linked on my blog here are a few of my favourites of his, and they have really kickstarted my brain. So now I am thinking of better ways to run my games, and attempting to infuse a similar kind of quality material that Matt seems to ooze out of his noggin. Watch his videos, all of them. When I first discovered his channel, I was amused. However, after watching maybe a half dozen more videos, I had to stop. I think it was the rapid rate at which he discusses the topics presented, it was maybe overwhelming me. I took a break for a couple of months and avoided his channel. Then a colleague and I were discussing him, and in hindsight I realized I really totally dug his stuff. So when I went back to checking out his videos and gave some thought about what it is that he is doing with his channel, and what he is doing to help Dungeon Masters (new or old) better the quality of their games. I watched every single video (and rewatch several frequently for inspiration) and it’s now my top rated Dungeons & Dragons influenced channel.

I respect his genuine passion for the game and how he conveys his message to us, and appreciate the time he takes to create such brilliant content for the DM crowd. I highly suggest subscribing to his channel. If you can get past the fast paced talking, it’s worth the time to check his stuff out. If there ever was such thing as a “Church of D&D”, Matt Colville should be the high priest of it.

In the words of Mr. Colville:

“Peace. Out.”

And now, enjoy some whiny ProJared! (”he’s such a dumbass!”)

-runDMsteve

youtube

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