#duncan's already got that drama covered

[total-drama-brainrot]

Island Assistant Noah AU, Noah stays Chris' Assistant all throughout Island + Action + World Tour... How would this version of Assistant Noah react to Alejandro's flirting?... Would Alejandro be amused, when he later learns that Noah got himself eliminated ON PURPOSE in Season 1, and Noah became 'Chris Mclean's Assistant' as a punishment? 😎

Well, honestly I imagine most versions of Noah would react to flirting with the same level of scepticism and mistrust- he's not exactly a catch, and he's aware of the fact. Having someone as conventionally attractive and evidently conniving as Alejandro display interest in someone as not those things as Noah is would be a major warning flag for anyone with any semblance of sense.

Of course, Alejandro's interest was initially a ploy to try and weasel out information from Chris' personal assistant- someone who's high enough in the pecking order of internship to at least have some rudimentary knowledge on the oncoming challenges, but unimportant enough to fly under the radar when it comes to helping the competitors- but after Noah's initial refusal, Alejandro finds himself genuinely interested in him, at least in the same curious way a scientist regards an outlying factor in their studies. Mostly because Alejandro's very much so not used to being spurned, so Noah's blatant dislike of him is enough to fuel his curiosity (similarly to how Heather's hostility to him piqued Alejandro's interest in canon).

So he goes out of his way to bother Noah at any given opportunity. Not that it's hard; due to Noah's job he's practically always somewhere on the jet, since it'd be pretty hard to, you know, personally assist someone without being in their vicinity. Noah's disgruntlement with the constant flirting isn't quite enough to warrant him putting in the effort to avoid Alejandro, however, so the two of them consequently end up spending a lot of time together. Most of which is Alejandro trying and failing to fluster Noah, or otherwise pry competition-valuable information from him. Or, as their conversations become more frequent, he tries to get Noah to disclose something about himself that isn't already apparent- to very little success. Alejandro does find out that Noah's oddly touchy about his position as Chris' PA, though, and stores away that little tid bit of information to exploit later.

Alejandro inevitably finds himself almost enamoured by Noah's caginess and his dry wit. He's surprised to find that he actually enjoys Noah's company, even when it doesn't offer him any of the advantages he initially sought out the assistant for, which is such a novel concept for him. So of course he resolves to spend more time around Noah, to try and figure out what this feeling is, and if it'll affect his stance in the competition- not at all because he wants to spend more time around the cynic, obviously.

And he inevitably becomes more and more comfortable around Noah's stoic bluntness, so much so that he starts showing hints of his true colours around Noah. To the point where the bookworm's initial distaste for Alejandro begins to thaw under the warmth of his actual personality, instead of the coldness of his "perfect Burromuerto" mask. (This is the part where mutual feelings begin to blossom, if you couldn't tell.)

Alejandro ends up spending more time with the off-screen assistant than he does with the entirety of his actual team, which grates on the producer's nerves since they don't have a lot of non-challenge footage of their main antagonist (outside of his frequent use of the confessional, that is). So, he's asked to spend less time around Know-it-all Noah and more time around his actual team, so they have some footage to work with, as Noah's PA contract prevents them from using "unnecessary footage" of him on the show; since he doesn't interact with anyone during challenges or plot-relevant moments, the editors are practically forbidden from using any of the footage Noah is in. Alejandro reluctantly complies.

And it's during this enforced bonding time with his team that the topic of Noah comes up. Owen's the one who initially comments about Alejandro spending a lot of him with his "little buddy", which absolutely doesn't (does) spark an ember of possessive jealousy within Alejandro, prompting him to ask how Owen's so familiar with Noah if he's not even supposed to interact with the contestants. Owen reveals that Noah was a contestant, at least for a little bit, before he was eliminated early in Island.

Alejandro's interest in Noah and the mysteries around him skyrockets. As a former contestant and, apparently, someone who's familiar with pretty much all of his competitors, Noah has even more potential to supply him with valuable information that would assist him in winning the million. He later chases down the cynic and confronts him about his extremely limited time on the Island, to which Noah is initially evasive about, before he- in a ticked off outburst, since Alejandro just won't drop the subject- admits that he got himself eliminated on purpose and working as Chris' PA is pretty much just his punishment for doing so.

And Alejandro's curiosity turns into confusion. Why would Noah intentionally have himself eliminated from the competition when a million dollars is on the line? Noah quickly corrects him that, in the first season, the prize money was a measly 100k, and then proceeds to explain exactly why and how he got himself booted from Camp Wawanakwa- Alejandro watches the annoyance on Noah's face gradually soften out into a smug sort of pride as he recalls his past endeavours. Then that pride is quickly wiped away by a bitter sourness as Noah recounts how his stunt essentially trapped him under the employment of Total Drama, namely Chris McLean.

But Alejandro's still caught up in the glimpse he got of Noah's scheming potential. The glee he saw in the other's eyes as he explained how easy it was to rile up his former teammates enough to vote him from the island, how just a few carefully worded comments were all it took to grant Noah an extended vacation at a five star resort.

Dots are connected; Alejandro suddenly understands why Noah's so resistant to his manipulative efforts, why Noah always seemed to clock exactly what he was attempting to do and shut it down with cold indifference or a snarky comment. The pessimist before him was his equal, at least in terms of strategy. Though how he applied his trickster mindset was a little unconventional. The archvillain is more than intrigued by now, he's utterly smitten... with the idea of having Noah as his "right hand man". Nothing more.

Alejandro's left to wonder just how much more he could accomplish within the confines of the jet if he had Noah's brilliant mind assisting him in his schemes.

[dozing-marshmallow]

Would it be alright of I request some headcannons for Chris x co-host reader? Where the reader enjoys the show/challenges the show puts the contestants through just as much as he does? Thx!! 💕

P.S. I really enjoy your writing!

Hi there! Absolutely! And thank you so much, I’m so happy to hear that you enjoy my writing! 😊 Enjoy!

CHRIS MCLEAN X CO-HOST READER HEADCANONS

Regardless of how high your reputation was, this was still Chris’ show; you were lucky to be on it. 

If he thought you were hogging the spotlight for too long, he wouldn’t hesitate to interrupt you mid sentence.

Alike the man in question, you had your humble introduction, and screen time explaining the concept of Total Drama to the audience alongside him.

You quickly became famous for interjecting Chris towards the end of his explanation of orders to the campers, with filthy suggestions that poured more weight on their behalf.

Wouldn’t help when you covered your lips in pretend apology.

Unlike Chris and Chef, who chose to eat in the separate tent away from the contestants, you went out of your way to eat in the mess hall, same time as them to rub it in their faces the better quality of food you got in comparison to theirs.

Some of the nicer contestants like Owen and Beth begged endearingly for a share, whilst some of the daring contestants such as Duncan and Leshawna spat curses on you.

Needless to mention, you never let them have that slice of heaven.

There was an episode where Chris let you have complete control over the challenge and whether or not it was a reward one.

“In spirit of the summer camp, I’ve decided on a gardening challenge.” You explain to him,“Each contestant will pick a seed to plant, and they will be given no instruction to what their seed will need in order to grow, so if they’re really stumped, they may be allowed to get a look at their respective seed guides or swap out their seed...in exchange of answering ten questions correctly. These questions can be about anything ranging from humanities to math. For that process, we’ll have them locked in a glass chamber with an easily accessible separate compartment above them filled with all attainable enemies of gardening. Fruit flies, mosquitos, lacewings etc.” 

You pause to look at Chris, seeing how he’s catching on where it’s going by his restless face expression,“For every question they answer wrong, the hatch will open automatically, slowly. First team that’s able to have all members grow something will win.”

“Wow! Okay, that’s a really good challenge idea. I’m surprised I didn’t come up with that!” Chris commended you, before he broke out into laughter,“It’ll boost the ratings for sure!” He notices your ready tray of seeds and begins reading out the labels,“Talipot palm... Raspberries... Potatoes... Tomatoes... Hey (Y/N)...” he finds you already beaming at him,“This is a guess...but don’t a lot of these seeds need at least a month to grow?”

“Exactly.”

Also known as the episode of which they do not speak of.

You never understood how in spite of that, you were still the more favourable host to the contestants.

Maybe because you weren’t as self centred as Chris?

Either way, you used every figment of hope to remind them that you aren’t there to make anything easier.

And you remained that way, up to where the show was supposed to be over, had it not been for Owen deciding to gamble his luck and kicking off a new game.

“Owen’s definitely lost his win now.” You comment wearily.

“Tell me about it.” Chris yawns,“I’m so bored. Wanna get back to the lodge?”

“Say no more.”

Long story short, you basically called it- not only did Owen lose his money, but thirteen other contestants got tied with him.

Given the situation, Chris declares a new immediate season, where you would be cued to open an empty briefcase for the producers to have someone edit wads of cash in.

However, you accidentally open up the wrong briefcase, this briefcase storing a pack of water snakes that slithered out onto the planks and into the lake, causing the contestants of the future season(apart from Izzy) to scream and frantically swim their way onto land.

It was a ridiculous scene, but what can be done? You and Chris laugh as the final episode of the season comes to a close.

You’re already looking forward to what happens next! And you have a good sensation the contestants feel the same.

[fraudulent-cheese]

Ok i've figured out an elimination order for my TDWT rewrite au thingy! (if ur curious about the general gist + later elimination plots here's the og post here ya go)

putting this entirely under the cut because it's gonna get LONGGG

This covers episodes 1 to 13!

Sorry Ezekiel stans, he's still the first voted out. the first episode actually turns out in a similar-ish way, outside of the different teams and team amazons having trouble with their camel. Team Victory is still last, and Zeke still gets voted out.

However by episode 3, there's the first major elimination order change: Team Amazons looses the challenge, and Cody gets the boot. This is for two reasons: Leshawna's more of a leader on her team and is able to reel Harold back a little, and the Amazon's commercial ends up loosing because of Cody's addition. The votes end up being a tie between Heather and Cody (Gwen and Sierra voted Heather because of course, Heather and Courtney voted for Cody because he lost the challenge for them.) Sierra is absolutely heartbroken from Cody's elimination, but he's pretty happy to go so early.

Bridgette still gets played by Alejandro in this AU, but he has to be a little subtler about it due to Leshawna's higher suspicion of him. He still manages to get Bridgette stuck to a poll and stoke a bit of fire between Heather and Leshawna. That and Sierra's still depressed in the background so she's not performing as well in challenges.

episode 5's still a reward challenge, not much changes, i'd say same with the first Aftermath?

episode 7, Leshawna still gets eliminated after starting a fight with Heather (which is the point where Heather REALLY starts to hate Alejandro since he's messing with her friendships now). I think Alejandro's way of doing it is provoking one or the other, sorta-flirting with both of them which seriously annoys Heather and frustrates Leshawna (she's trying to figure out if he's actually interested or just playing her. I guess she got her answer.) This also makes Alejandro Harold's enemy, and does raise both Noah and Eva's suspicions of him (Noah's the one that noticed it and he talked about it a bit with Eva, who's more eager to get on the guy's case than Noah is)

episode 8's still a reward challenge, however notably Alejandro's attempted manipulation of Owen doesn't work because Team Escope's a unit and he's 100% fully convinced his friends wouldn't do that on purpose (or maliciously in the case of Izzy). I think this would be a sort of turning point with Alejandro's dynamic with the rest of his team - he fully realises he can't break these idiots appart, from any angle (especially since Ozzy's already split here and Eva + Izzy are pining for eachother). So what does he do? He'll play along. (and accidentally befriend multiple of them but shushhhh)

episode 9 is also further divergence and is where the Team Victory trio gets to shine more - they actually win the whole challenge! much to Alejandro's frustration, since Team Victory was supposed to be the easy team to take out, wasn't it? He's fully friends with Noah at this point, and on his way to befriending Izzy and lowering Eva's suspicions, even just slightly. Meanwhile, Heather's in a bit of a pickle: her team is last and both Gwen and Courtney are getting closer, and really don't like her. Sierra is being no help, as she knows Heather's a real snake and is fully willing to vote her off. However, there's one factor none of the girls have considered yet; sabotage. So Heather makes an alliance/deal with Harold. He'll change the votes, and she'll make sure his team gets some kind of advantage next challenge.

episode 10, this is a more lowkey episode focused mostly on the character's interpersonal drama and Alejandro's current relationship with his team - he's starting to actually consider their individual strengths instead of just trying to do it his way, courtesy of actually talking with Noah about it. Courtney and Gwen still look for the Duncan shaped rock, but Gwen's only doing it to be with Courtney (gay) meanwhile, Heather rams her boat into team Escope's boat and later on tries to get team Victory's boat ahead. Im choosing to explain Heather actually sticking to her deal with Harold as both friendship foreshadowing + her trying to keep a solid ally with her in the game.

episode 11. OK THIS ONE'S IMPORTANT FOR MULTIPLE REASONS: this is Team Escope's first member loss, being Owen getting disqualified due to injury. Alejandro's secretly glad he's gone, but he's trying to keep a sadned mask around the team who's pretty bummed, especially Noah and Izzy. He manages to motivate Izzy for the challenge, but Noah's not on his side; he sees through the mask and knew Alejandro disliked Owen for a reason he hasn't fully figured out yet and calls him out on it in private. That, and the DJ thing. i haven't explained it fully, but DJ still has the animal curse thing - support from Harold, Lindsay and occasionally Heather (she's doing it to win Harold's favor + DJ's the only contestant she's consistently nice with) has been reducing it over time, but Alejandro exacerbates it for him this episode. Noah begins to suspect quite seriously that Alejandro's only pretending to be friends with him, Izzy and to a lesser extent Eva (something that Alejandro would probably agree to be doing with Eva and Izzy, but not Noah. He's 100% actually friends with Izzy and hasn't realised it tho.) Officially, he's still acting friendly with him, but he's really not sure if it'll stick.

episode 13, and of course the turning point! on each team, the members captured are:

-Alejandro from the start -Heather after the stretching thing -Harold after he got distracted and started infodumping -Izzy just. dissapears mid challenge -DJ on the bus.

Eva and Noah still catch the Ripper, and Noah drops his "slippery eel" warning to Eva and Izzy (Izzy's on the stretcher.). Eva considers it and in an impressive act of restraint only promises to do something about it if it's confirmed, while Izzy half agrees half denies it. (she's denying it because she knows Noah thinks he's not friends with him. Izzy can tell it's genuine. Izzy is Izzy and would just be able to tell, she can see through people's masks pretty well, considering she calls out Mal in AS and i regularly HC her to be simply acting crazy for shits and giggles.) Either way, Alejandro does NOT take it well at all. That, and Duncan's back! Team Victory and Escope have the choice to get him but well. Harold's still here. So to team Escope the punk guy goes! And he immediatly tries to kiss Gwen in the confessional! He does end up kissing her, but she recoils quickly. Sadly not quickly enough for Izzy to not end up seeing them.

could you tell i started having fun writing this outline out the farther we got? Hope this was comprehensible!

[tkfanz428]

I love seeing more total drama tk artists!! There are like so little of us 😭😭😭 🫶🏾🫶🏾 Can I request some lee! Tyler with ler! Lindsay? It’s ok if not I just wanted to swing by and show my support!! ✨

A slight midnight mishap.

Lee: Tyler

Ler: Lindsey

BTW this is total drama island.

Lindsey and Tyler knew very well about their forbidden relationship, and Tyler hates how Duncan gets to have his girl in his room often. It didn’t take long for Tyler to get an idea, and suggested to Lindsey that she sneak over during the night then leave before anyone wakes up. At first things were going well, I mean… that was until last night…

Tyler lays at his bed, staring into the window like a dog watches the door. A shadowy head peaked out, she waved her hand signaling Tyler.

Tyler slid through the floor, the faint creaks of the floor slowed him down,

“I didn’t think it’d honestly last this long…” Tyler whispers. He slowly lifts the window for Lindsey to come in through.

“I missed you…” Lindsey cuddled his sides. She shivered as the cold breeze made it’s way into the room.

“Oh, you’re cold? Um… oh there’s my jacket if you need it.” Tyler slides over to his bed, her in his arms, the two softly landed on the bed. She covered up her body with the jacket. She yawned before she laid her head on his chest.

He petted her head, running his fingers through her hair, the soft strands fall like feathers down. Tyler leans against the backboard, ready for the night.

“Ah……. Ngh?!” Tyler suddenly felt something gently touching his side. His eyes shot open, he saw Lindsey’s hair dangling by his exposed armpit. His side shook tremendously, he wanted to move it away, but he’ll wake the rest up, he wants to tell her, but he doesn’t want to wake her.

His fist tensed up, she snuggled into his chest, causing more hair to fall and dangle, his shirt lifted ever so slightly. Allowing her golden strands to paint a masterpiece on his bare stomach.

Tyler squinted tightly, holding his breath, trying to make the slightest sounds possible. He could keep his face getting red, he felt a tear forming on his face. Beads of sweat dripped down his sides.

“Mnph….nmghs….Ne….” Tyler couldn’t even whisper, the slight giggles triggered Duncan to cover his ears. Tyler began to panic, either he wakes everyone up, or Lindsey does.

She suddenly lifted her arm to place on his chest, as it slid down, Tyler’s breathing went like a heartbeat.

“Ahah-!” Tyler covered his mouth.

He looked over to see Duncan sitting up, staring down at the two…

“Is that a gopher?” Duncan whispered.

Tyler looked at him, even though it was dark, Tyler could see a grin on Duncan’s face, Duncan knows what he’s doing.

Lindsey hand pecked at his hips, he suddenly jerked.

“Huh?!” Lindsey jumped up. The sound of the other boys getting up got Tyler to groan.

They were caught. Even though the rest knew already.

[tooti-fruiti]

THE GENTLE GIANT [PROLOGUE]

You were so excited!

You were selected as a contestant on the Total Drama show!

You were driven to the island on a boat and you arrived you saw that four people were already there.

A nerdy girl, a goth girl, a tall party dude, another tall dude, and a blonde girl.

You stepped off the boat and the host, Chris McClain, introduced you.

"And this is (Y/n)!"

"Hey Chris! Are you sure we're on the right island?"

"I asked the same thing." One of the guys said.

You sighed and picked up your luggage.

"I'm DJ." The dude said.

You smiled and stood between him and the other dude. "I'm (Y/n)."

"Hey girl, I'm Geoff!" The party dude said.

You smiled and waved at him.

The goth girl just rolled her eyes as the blonde girl waved.

Then another girl appeared.

She had long black hair, black eyes, and a mean glare.

She walked past Chris without saying a word to him.

"Heather..." He said.

The nerd girl ran up to her and got in her face.

"Hi! Looks like we're your new friends for the next eight weeks!" She said, spitting into Heather's face and making her lean back.

Then you all heard Rock Music in the distance and you saw another boat approaching.

A dude with green hair and piercings was driven up and he threw his bag onto the dock and glared at Chris.

"Duncan! Dude!" Chris said, excitedly.

"I don't like...surprises." He said, holding up his fist.

He walked towards Chris and he gave him finger guns.

"Yeah, your parole officer warned me about that man. He also told me to give him a holler anytime and have you returned to juvie."

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Okay then."

He picked up his stuff and walked past Heather.

"Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous."

"Drop dead you pervert." She said.

Then he moved beside you, winking at you.

You turned away.

"I'm calling my parents!" Heather said. "You can NOT make me stay here."

Chris smiled at he held up a stack of papers.

Another boat approached and there was a guy wearing all red, water skiing behind it.

However, he lost his footing and flung himself over the dock and into the water, splashing Heather.

"UGH! MY SHOES!" She said as he climbed out of the water.

"Wicked Wipeout man!" Chris yelled.

Tyler smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

DJ and Geoff gave him a thumbs up back.

Chris started laughing at how miserable Heather looked, but he didn't realize there was already someone else behind him.

"Welcome to camp Harold." Chris said.

He started looking around confused.

"What's he looking at?" The nerdy girl asked.

"So you mean this show is at a gross summer camp and not on some big stage or something?" He asked, sounding like Napoleon Dynamite.

"You got it." Chris said.

"Yes! That is so much more favorable to my skills!" Harold said, as he picked up his stuff and walked away.

Chris winced as he approached everyone.

You and DJ gave each other a look as he started picking his nose.

"The next contestant is Trent!" Chris said.

"Hey, good to meet you man. I saw you on that figure skating show, nice work." He said.

Chris gave him a hand shake and smiled. "Thanks man, I knew I rocked that show!"

"I saw that!" The nerdy girl said. "One of the guys dropped his partner on her head, so they got immunity that week."

"Lucky!" Harold said. "I hope I get dropped on my head."

"Me too!" Lindsay said.

"So, this is it?" Trent asked.

Heather started drying her hair and Harold started picking his nose.

Making a few people move away from him.

"...alrighty then." He said as he moved to stand beside the goth girl.

And the two started making goo-goo eyes at each other.

Another girl walked onto the dock carrying a giant surfboard.

"Hey, what's up?" She said.

"Alright! Our surfer chick, Bridgette, is here!"

Duncan scoffed. "Nice board, this ain't Malibu, honey."

"I thought we were going to be on a beach?"

"We are!" Chris said, gesturing to the trash covered beach.

Bridgette sighed. "Great."

"Alright! That's our first 12-" Christ stopped when Bridgette accidentally smacked him with her board when she reached down to grab her suitcase.

"Ow! Damn it! That hurt!"

"Hey guys." She said as she stood beside Geoff.

"Heyyy, I'm Geoff!" He said.

"What's up?"

"Hi! I'm Beth!" The nerdy girl said.

"Hey!"

"Okay, we've all met surfer girl, can we got on with show please?" Heather complained.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed" Duncan smirked.

"Get bent." She said.

"Our next camper..." Chris said, rubbing his head. "...is Noah."

"You got my memo about my life threatening allergies?"

"I'm sure someone did!" Chris smiled.

"Good. Is this where we're staying?

"No, it's your mom's house." Duncan said sarcastically.

"Whatever. Cute piercings." Noah said.

"You want one?" Duncan asked, grabbing a needle from his pocket.

"No, no thanks."

After Noah, another girl arrived to the island.

"Wassup y'all! Leshawna's in the house!"

Harold gasped when she stepped onto the dock.

"Yo baby! Ay how you doin'? How's it going?" She said giving Chris a high five.

"Feel free to quit now and save yourselves the trouble cause, I came to win!"

She walked up to you and DJ.

"Yo girl, you got some style going on!"

You smiled. "So do you."

Then she smiled at DJ and gave him a high five. "Oh what's up my brother? Gimme some sugar baby!"

"I've never seen a girl like you in real life before." Harold said from behind her.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"You're real big. And loud."

"What the FUCK did you just say to me?!" She yelled. "Oh no you didn't! I'll show you big stringbean!"

She was about to jump and attack Harold, but DJ rushed to stop her.

"Alright campers settle down!" Chris said.

Leshawna adjusted her shirt and glared at Harold, who gave her a little smile.

Two girls appeared together, matching each other in almost every way.

"Ladies! Katie, Sadie, welcome to your new home for the next eight weeks!"

Katie gasped. "Oh my gosh, Sadie look! It's a summer camp!"

"Okay, I always wanted to go to summer camp!"

They both squealed and ran to the other end of the dock.

After they did, another guy came onto the dock.

"Ezekiel! What's up man?"

Ezekiel looked up and pointed at the sky.

"I think I see a bird." He said, making some people giggle.

Chris put his hand on his shoulder and gave him a little pep talk, then shoved him onto the dock.

"That's just...wow." The goth girl said.

Another boy came on after she said that.

"Cody!" Chris said. "The code-ster! The code-meister!"

He gave Cody a high five and he walked towards everyone confidently.

"Dude, psyched to be here man. I see the ladies have already arrived! Alright!"

He was about to say something to Leshawna but she stopped him due to what happened with Harold.

Next, a muscular girl came onto the dock and she completely blew off Chris.

"Eva. Nice. Glad you could make it!"

She dropped her bag on Cody's foot and he held it in pain.

"Ow! What's in there?! Dumbells?!"

"Yes." Eva replied dryly.

"She's all yours man." Duncan said to DJ.

A loud cheer came from the other end of the docks and you all saw a big dude cheering.

"Chris! What's happening?!" He yelled as he laughed. "This is awesome! Woooohooo!"

"Owen! Welcome!" Chris said as Owen picked him up into a bone crushing bear hug.

"Awesome to be here man! Yeah! Man, this is just so..."

"Awesome?" The goth girl asked.

"Yes! Awesome! Wooooooooo! Are you gonna be on my team?" He asked her.

"Oh I sure hope so." She said sarcastically.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"Are you about finished?" Chris asked, annoyed.

Owen put him down and smiled. "Sorry dude, I'm just so psyched!"

"Cool." Chris said. "And here comes Courtney."

A girl with short brown hair amwas driven up to the dock and Chris helped her down as she thanked him.

"Hi! You must be the other contestants, it's really nice to meet you all!" She said.

Owen started shaking her hand quickly. "Hi! I'm Owen!"

"Nice to meet you O...wow...." She said, looking at something in the distance.

In the distance was a muscular guy with long black hair and a chiseled face.

Most of the girls swooned when they saw him.

"This, is Justin." Chris said as he walked onto the dock.

"Welcome to Total Drama Island." He said as he gave Justin a fistbump.

"Thanks Chris, this is great."

"Just so you know, we picked up based entirely on your looks!"

"I can live with that." He shrugged and walked to the other end of the dock.

"I like your pants!" Owen said.

"Thanks man."

"Cause they look like they're all worn out! Did you buy them like that?"

"No just, had them for a while."

"Oh! Cool!" Owen said before he hit his forehead.

"Hey everyone! It's Izzy!" Chris said.

"Hi Chris! Hi! Hi! H-WOAH!" She said as he accidentally ran off the ship and hit her chin on the deck.

"Oooh that was bad." Tyler said as he giggled.

"Guys! She could be seriously hurt!" Courtney said, as she helped Izzy out of the water.

Izzy started shaking like a dog which confused the shit out of Courtney.

"That felt...so...GOOD! Except for hitting my chin. This is summer camp? That is so cool! Do you have paper mache here? Are we having lunch soon?!"

"That! Is a good call!" Owen said.

"Hold your horses Izzy." Chris said. "We still have one more camper to introduce!"

One last camper got onto the deck and your heart dropped when you saw them.

It was your ex.

"This is-" Chris started.

"(Y/n)?" They asked and you averted your eyes.

"Oh, do you two know each other?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, we dated for a few years."

"Oooh! How awesome is this?! We have an ex couple on the island! The drama is starting off great!" Chris said.

"So tell me, why did you break up?"

"They cheated." You said and most of the other campers glared at them.

"Oh come on babe, I was drunk! I wasn't-"

"Anyway!" Chris said cutting them off. "This is (Ex/n). Time for pictures! Move to the other end of the dock!"

As Chris got up somewhere high to take the picture, you made sure (Ex/n) stayed away from you.

"Okay!" Chris said. "One, Two, Thr- Oops, I'm holding it backwards!"

"Okay, hold that pose! One, two- Oh wait, forgot the lens cap!"

"Come on man, my face is starting to freeze." Leshawna complained.

"Got it! Okay! Everyone say: 'Wawanakwa!'"

You all said what he told you too, but before the picture could be taken, the dock broke under the weight and you all ended up in the water.

"Okay campers, dry off and meet me at the campfire pit in ten!"

(Hope you enjoyed. Stay tuned for more and have a good day)

->Chapter One

[denimbex1986]

'Max Webster’s superbly atmospheric production of Macbeth is ground-breaking in its use of binaural sound technology, but this is just one aspect of a gripping show that boasts stand-out performances from David Tennant and Cush Jumbo in the lead roles. This psychological drama is thrillingly brought to life with close attention to detail to reveal the Macbeths’ darkest, innermost thoughts and feelings, shedding fresh light on a familiar story of ambition, betrayal, mental breakdown, and civil strife.

Macbeth, with its multiple references to unearthly sounds, is particularly well suited to the creation of an immersive soundscape, which is what sound designer Gareth Fry does here (as he did with Complicité’s The Encounter in 2016). The audience wears light, comfortable headphones throughout in order to enter this world – it is possible to watch the show without headphones, though the actors speak more quietly than normal (especially in soliloquies and whispered conspiratorial exchanges) so it is difficult to hear all speech, while the rich background aural texture will be lost. This is no gimmick. We almost forget we are wearing headphones as we get caught up in the power of the haunting drama unfolding all around us...

Webster has made some judicious cuts in what is already one of Shakespeare’s shortest plays, so the straight-through running time of 100 minutes passes in breathless excitement...

Tennant makes a compelling Macbeth from start to finish, powerfully portraying him as the saviour of his country who believes he deserves to be the next king of Scotland. We first see him alone covered in blood washing himself as a victorious war hero – and we last see him lying in a spreading pool of blood as a tyrant slain by Macduff: a precipitous fall indeed. With a broodingly intense presence, Tennant suggests a battle-hardened soldier whose moral compass has gone haywire, so once he has taken the first calamitous step of murdering his king as guest in his own home, he is prepared to do anything to keep himself on the throne. Effortlessly delivering Shakespeare’s lines, Tennant vividly shows Macbeth destroying his own humanity as he dwindles from honour to nihilism.

He is well-matched by Jumbo as Lady Macbeth, who seems to have diverted her unresolved bereavement at losing a child into backing her husband’s aspirations to the hilt. An indissoluble couple who confide everything to each other at the start, they later fragment as Macbeth leaves her out of his plans – we see Jumbo’s Lady Macbeth realizing with panic at the disrupted coronation feast that she is losing him and that the killing has only just begun. Driven to distraction by grief and guilt, her sleepwalking scene is truly poignant as we see Jumbo taking her imaginary child by the hand before blowing out her candle and drifting into the darkness.

There are also strong supporting performances from Benny Young as a dignified but naïve Duncan, Cal MacAninch as a wary Banquo doting on his son Fleance, Noof Ousellam as Macduff who turns his intense pain at his family’s slaughter into implacable anger, while Rona Morison as Lady Macduff desperately defends her children. And Jatinder Singh Randhawa brilliantly provides ad-libbing comic relief as the Porter, asking us, “Did you really pay to watch a radio drama?” – well, no, we got so much more full-blooded drama than that.'

[mikiruma]

ok i dooooo just wanna complain about td under the cut for a min

listen. when ezekiel was misogynist he immediately got the shit kicked out of him & voted off. but manitoba being similar was fine? somehow? ig you can't punch the system??

scott already got his retribution for being himself in s4, he did NOT need to continue being the s5 punching bag after no longer being the villain (& seemingly forgetting about mike's plurality)

if cameron is sooooo smart and knows so much about DID. why did it take LITERALLY half a season to consider maybe the reason "mike" was acting "out of character" because he's ANOTHER ALTER *PRETENDING* TO BE MIKE like come on.

still think it's stupid, but less upsetting, that all you need to do to be considered the "real one" is front for more than 10 minutes. personally we're passing around our legitimacy per headmate near on the daily like a hot potato

starting a conspiracy the only reason they forced scott and courtney together was because courtney and gwen's s5 arc would have forced the writers to have a canon lesbian couple. gwen and courtney have better/more interesting history and chemistry than courtney and scott ever had/will have. god scott/courtney is so forced it HURTS and i haven't watched world tour so idk the gwen/duncan status but oh my god the gwen/duncan/courtney triangle went on for waaaay longer than it should have. like i know this is 'total drama' and blah blah blah but come on at least introduce something else interesting to spice things up

oh yeah in s4 we learn scott grew up poor on a farm and didn't have the closest relationship with his parents and this is all like. actually kind of interesting and sheds another light on his character. in s5 they forget about anything interesting they can do with that and just go with What Do Poor People Do? Eat Dirt For Fun I Suppose. also im just still so upset about him and courtney's forced relationship. he literally never went into the competition with dating in mind, the most you could justify that with us s4 when he uses a "makeout session" as a cover for getting attacked by wildlife during his hunt for the invincibility statue. ALMOST FORGOT but literally every time some girl was nice to him or vaguely showed interest in s4 he rolled his eyes or was otherwise disinterested???

also less of a complaint but more "dude." when mikes whining about not being able to control his switching but KNOWING shit gets weird after putting on a hat. he still puts on every hat he sees. i guess this guy just likes wearing hats???

oh yeah mal implying you can't just "get rid" of alters by burying them really deep. in contrast with the s5 finale. kind of hurts honestly. you CAN argue he meant it specifically in the case for him but it felt just phrased generally enough to where im like oh ok were the writers making shit up as they went along.

[nileqt87]

Ramblings about Lucifer referencing Bones, “Close your eyes.” and shows influencing each other

That was never just a Bones reference being made and the season finale admitted it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jv_1dJk5yEM

David Boreanaz played the ironically-named Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel: the Series. His character has *so many* parallels with Lucifer (far more than Booth outside of the law enforcement/crime procedural connection).

Angel's spinoff also has noir crime drama aspects mixed with the supernatural starring an immortal protagonist with a dark past and infamously villainous reputation fighting evil as a supernatural private detective in the City of Angels (a city known for its dark underbelly juxtaposed with fame and glamor, broken dreams and chasing eternal youth) and navigating human law (including the LAPD and evil lawyers) while not legally existing.

Angel also fell in love with a blonde human heroine (Buffy Summers) after lifetimes of self-destructive, not-so-heroic behaviors (getting his soul back did *not* make Angel a hero and human Liam was a lecherous drunk with unfulfilled ambitions and father issues) who inspired him to become a better man and make human connections.

AtS made heavy use of sprawling nighttime Downtown L.A. cityscape shots, which Lucifer also shared an abundance of.

During both of their first cases, they failed to save the troubled blonde girl they were trying to help (Tina and Delilah, respectively). They also have a connection inside the LAPD through a blonde cop who also takes their identity secrets pretty badly (Kate Lockley in Angel's case).

Note that Buffy not only screamed (twice, given it repeated during her memory loss in Halloween), but also came after Angel with a crossbow when she thought he'd attacked her mother (it was Darla), so Chloe taking the Devil face reveal (Monster Reveals are iconic old horror imagery) poorly to the point of considering poisoning is par for the course. However, it only took Buffy seven episodes instead of three seasons to get the identity reveal via seeing the horrific second face (arguably also an accident on Angel's part).

They are metaphorically or literally Hell's angels. They also had long stays in Hell or a hell dimension.

Lucifer and Angel are also both Prodigal Sons with long-held grudges against their long-absent fathers (patricide in Liam/Angel(us)'s case) and they're later faced with a situation where they have unexpected, thought-impossible offspring who show up as adults (neither got to raise their miracle child) wanting revenge. Yup, major Connor/Rory parallel there.

Angel is also in a constant struggle with the Powers that Be manipulating his fate and free will (like Lucifer, he's a champion of free will no matter the cost) and making him prophecy's bitch.

Bones famously got jokes about how Booth is Angel getting his Shanshu (made human), since the character is given constant Angel-isms like references to a dark past having killed people (Booth is also named after a historical murderer, in addition to having been a sniper), both being Catholics full of Catholic guilt (note that the Buffyverse is most accurately polytheistic, though Angel does face off against a take on the antichrist--Angel has constant biblical imagery/themes and not just because of vampire iconography), kicking down doors (just not off their entire frames--LOL), turning on a dime and threatening people up against walls, constant wink-wink references to the Buffyverse (familiar casting, references to the Hyperion Hotel, etc...), etc...

The Lucifer finale used the words "Close your eyes." right before Lucifer is sent to Hell. This is literally the BtVS season 2 finale where Buffy kisses Angel and sends him to hell for a century with a stab to the gut (see the season 5 finale, not to mention Lucifer giving up his life for Chloe's à la I Will Remember You).

Note that D.B. Woodside was on BtVS (playing Robin Wood, whose Slayer mother Nikki Wood was killed by Spike). Aimee Garcia was in both episodes of AtS (Birthday--she's older than she looks!) and Bones. See her also playing a cross-wearing religious girl on Supernatural who was slaughtered in a police precinct by Lilith. Kevin Alejandro was also in an episode of Bones.

Tricia Helfer was in an episode of Supernatural playing a ghost who reenacts the night of her death every year. BtVS also had an episode along those lines, but with Buffy and Angelus possessed (not to mention Phantom Dennis!). Lucifer having Dan as a ghost is yet another thing they all have in common (ditto referencing Ghost, Patrick Swayze and/or Unchained Melody--Vincent Schiavelli a.k.a. Ghost's subway ghost was Jenny's uncle Enyos, whom Angelus killed).

Lucifer name-checked Castiel and Supernatural referenced Lucifer using their Lucifer (crime-fighting angel in L.A. made it a double-reference whammy). Supernatural returned the favor again by having Castiel forced to sing in Enochian. Lucifer's reference to his singing voice was already a zing about Misha Collins having to put on that monotone gravel voice and Enochian being far from melodious.

Russell T Davies was quite heavily inspired by the Buffyverse when he revived Doctor Who and spun off Torchwood, so there are absolute tons of Buffy, Angel and Spike respectively in Rose Tyler, the 9th/10th Doctors, Captain Jack Harkness and Captain John Hart (right down to the actor). School Reunion is the episode where the Buffyverse inspiration is most on the nose, complete with Anthony Stewart Head saying "shooty dog thing" in a school setting and a Mayor/Angel-esque speech about the curse of immortality. The Time War gave the Doctor a huge genocide-level guilt complex. Note that the creator of DC comics' version of Lucifer, Neil Gaiman, has also written for Doctor Who and is also the co-creator of Good Omens (the show is brimming with Doctor Who Easter eggs thanks to David Tennant). A barely-recognizable Tom Ellis played Martha Jones' ex-fiancé Tom Milligan during the Year that Never Was, as well.

A lot of shows take inspiration from the Buffyverse and you've probably seen some of them. It isn't just the copycat vampire romance stories either.

Angel's forerunners in turn were a mix of guilt-stricken, rat-eating Louis de Pointe du Lac (his Jekyll/Hyde-esque alter-ego Angelus is closer to the pre-retcon, fully-evil Lestat de Lioncourt, who got woobified into an antihero rocker not unlike Spike--the entire Fanged Four mirror Anne Rice's character lineup), sword-wielding, immortality trope-influencers Connor/Duncan MacLeod of Highlander fighting for the Prize of humanity (akin to Pinocchio becoming a "real boy"--see also Barnabas Collins of Dark Shadows, though he was before vampires became antihero superheroes, not just sympathetic antivillains) and Nick Knight of Forever Knight (vampire detective).

Additionally, Tom Welling was famously the longest-serving Clark Kent of them all (Smallville) on the old WB (there's that DC comics connection, too), so it's not just a Fox shows thing (though Fox, not just Warner Brothers, did indeed own the Buffyverse). One of the least-known things about Clark is that he also has an immortality problem where he wouldn't age parallel to Lois (they wouldn't be able to have kids either) without a workaround. The Kryptonite line directed at Cain/Pierce by Lucifer was quite on the nose! Lucifer and Smallville sort of crossed over even further in Crisis on Infinite Earths, so Tom is canonically the face of both Clark and Cain in parallel universes of the DC multiverse.

Supernatural had quite recently had their own takes on Cain (played by Timothy Omundson, who also played God Johnson) and the Mark of Cain when Lucifer did it. Dan's killer Le Mec was, of course, Rob Benedict, who was God a.k.a. Chuck Shurley, the ultimate villain of Supernatural. Richard Speight, Jr., who was archangel Gabriel/Loki the Trickster, directed a lot of Lucifer's later episodes in addition to being a prolific Supernatural director.

Supernatural and Lucifer use the exact same font for their titles (Supernatural Knight).

The X-Files (which Supernatural referenced constantly) and Supernatural also had stories about nephilim (see the apocryphal Book of Enoch). Lucifer ultimately had two nephilim (forbidden interspecies offspring of angels and humans), even if not saying so as a known concept. Connor can also be compared to the vampire equivalent of being something like a dhampir, though he's not quite that (mostly-but-not-quite-human offspring of two vampires instead of a human/vampire hybrid--see Blade for an actual dhampir). Supernatural has also covered the even rarer cambion species (human/demon hybrid).

[mamawolfblood]

Total drama Surprise

14 Brunch of Disgustingness

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Island… A note from a secret admirer got Gwen and Bridgette up in each other’s business. DJ accidentally knocked his boy Trent off the airplane, sending him deep into the Earth’s crust. Leshawna showed everybody how to hang on for dear life on the moose ride. Harold showed himself to be an ace flag-catcher, until he caught sight of Heather’s… unmentionables, causing him to crash his way right off the island, but not without a little canoodling time with the fair Leshawna. And now, let’s see what’s in store for our campers on this week’s episode of Total. Drama. Island!

Iris found it odd that Chef did want her help today for breakfast. Walking and sat on the dock looking at the moon. It was calm a peaceful just the gentle sound of water. "You couldn't sleep either?" Duncan said making the teen jump. He chuckled sitting behind me. His arms wrapped me into a warm embrace. His chin ontop of her head. No words needed to be spoken they just watch the sun rise.

It was something she didn't want to end but nothing lasts forever. The campers made their way to the mess hall. Before Iris could enter Duncan grabbed her arm. "Duncan what is it?" She asked looking up at him. But the carage he gathered soon turned to cold feet making him let go. "Nothing let's see what your dad has up his sleeve today." Damb so close but no big deal. The girl thought stepping inside sitting with her team.

Iris pov

My dad  Was acting weird whenever someone tried to ask about food.  Chef would snicker and laugh along with him. " OK seriously enough, what is wrong with the two of you?" I asked making them look at me. Its no secret I get cranky when I don't get food.

Chris: Congratulations to the remaining ten campers for reaching the halfway mark in the competition! You’ll all be on the jury for the final episode.

Geoff: We got the power! Yeah!

Chris: The two teams will become one next week. But first, all the girls will be moved to the Gopher cabin and all the guys will stay in the Bass cabin. This week’s challenge is as old as history itself. A battle of the sexes [Lindsay blows a raspberry at the guys] After everyone is settled in, I’ll announce the challenge. And then, you’ll have an uh… bite to eat.[He and Chef snicker] Ready for a little good news? This week, no one will be kicked off. [everyone cheers] It’s all for reward and it’s a good one. Okay, time to relocate. Let’s move! [He and Chef snicker]

Heather started kissing up to Bridgette. It was sickening to watch so I got up and left.

(Confessional: Bridgette)

Bridgette: I was a bit worried about being the only new girl on the team. Then I figured it can’t be that bad. I don’t buy that hype about how well guys get along and how catty girls can be.

(Confessional Off)

I was sitting outside when Bridgette walked over. "Hi Bridgette have fun in the lions den." I said before laughing.

Leshawna: Nobody’s leaving until I find out who ate my pudding pockets!

Heather: I ate them. So what?

Leshawna: Whoa! Pump the brakes a minute! You’re “so what”ing me? That’s my food. No one touches my food!

Heather: Whatever, deal with it. It serves you right for leaving your junk everywhere, especially that. That is bugging me.

Leshawna: Yeah, it’d bug me too if I didn’t have anything in the front or in the back to shake.

Heather: Yeah? Well, you’ve got so much junk in your trunk, your jeans should come with a trash compactor!

Leshawna: Ooh! You want a piece of this?

Bridgette: Uh-oh.

Heather: Bridgette! It’s so good to see you! Come in, come in! Welcome to our cabin. We’re like a big family in here.

Gwen: Big and dysfunctional.

Heather: Anything you need, just yell.

Bridgette: Thanks for the awesome welcome, Heather.

Lindsay: Welcome to the club! It’ll be so much fun! As long as you do everything Heather says. Ow!

Heather [after she laughs] : Yeah, we love joking around here at girls cabin. I made sure your bunk was next to mine–

Lindsay: Hey! That’s my bed. Ow!

Heather: So we can talk and share and really get to know each other.

Bridgette: Okay, yeah! Hey, thanks everybody, I can’t wait to get to know all of–

Heather: Okay! Plenty of time to chat later! Let’s unpack.

Lindsay: This is great! I bet we’re getting along way better than the guys.

I honestly hope things are going well. This den of vipers is about to explode. If on cue I heard this.

Bridgette: Let’s build bridges, not walls!

Heather: Take your pick.

dramatic music plays as Bridgette picks Gwen and Leshwana's side

Heather: You just dug your own grave.

Bridgette: Let’s try to get along, okay? Otherwise, the guys are going to cream us, don’t you get it? Tough room.

[Chef and Chris snicker]

Heather: Stop doing that!

Chris: Let’s just tell them… Today’s challenge is… The Brunch of Disgustingness! You’ll be getting a nine-course meal. Each member of each team must finish each dish. You will not know if the next dish is grosser than the last, not as gross, or just as gross. Just that it’ll likely be… gross.

Chef: Tell them what they’ll get if they win, Chris!

Chris: The winning team spends two days at a local five-star resort where they’ll be pampered, eat gourmet nosh, and be given antibiotics against anything they may have caught while participating in this challenge! The losing team will go hungry tonight and spend the next two days here. On Total Drama Island. With Chef.

The first round was bull testicles and the point went to the girls. Oh those boys could handle a little meatball.

Chris: The score now stands at one for the girls and zero for the guys! And now, the next course in… The Brunch of Disgustingness! You guys like pizza?

Owen: I could eat pizza any time with anything on it!

Chris: Anything? How about live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce and live anchovies?

Owen: I could eat pizza any time with anything on it!

Chris: How about live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce and live anchovies?

Ok even I thought it was gross please do let me get sick.

Leshawna couldn't eat it giving the guys a point making us tied. The girls freaked on her but honestly not a big deal. "Guys its not a big deal. We will win the next round so stop complaining.

(Confessional: Chef)

Chef: I was excited about the next dish. I made it from scratch.

(Confessional Off)

Chris: All right, who’s ready for the third course? Spaghetti! Well, actually, Earthworms covered in snail slime sauce and hairballs.

I barfed when it was placed infront of me.

(Confessional )

Iris- WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! THIS SHIT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING!

*static *

(End of Confessionals)

The guys got another point and now I am getting aggravated.

Chris: All right everybody. Time for course number four. No nine-course meal would be complete without soup. Today’s special is French Bunyon soup with hangnail crackers.

(Confessional: Geoff)

Geoff: I think they just use stuff from Chef’s bathroom floor.

(Confessional Off)

Bridgette gasps

DJ strains to eat

Trent gags

Lindsay: I didn’t even taste it.

Chris: The girls win again![Gwen, Heather, Leshawna, and Lindsay cheer] The score’s now tied up at two.

(Confessional: Bridgette)

Bridgette: I think the girls really made a breakthrough as a team.

(Confessional Off)

The rounds continue and the barfing too. But we made it to the final round.

"Oh god I think I'm going to be sick." I said trying to hold it down but I dont think I can.

C

hris: Wow, it’s still tied up. We’re down to the last course in the challenge. It’s delicious dolphin wieners. Hot dogs made of dolphin.

Bridgette [after she gasps] : But dolphins are our friends!

Heather: What are you waiting for? It’s already dead. If you don’t eat it, we don’t win.

Bridgette: Ooh, I can’t! I’m a surfer! I swim with dolphins!

Heather: Eat it!

Bridgette: No! I’m not doing it. You can’t pressure me.

The hell we can't grabbing a hot dog off the plate, and then proceeded to shove it down her throat.

"I'M NOT LOSING THIS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GROW A PAIR! THE DAMB THING IS DEAD SO SUCK IT UP AND STUFF YOU FUCKING FACE!" They all looked at me Bridgette had tears in her eyes. She coughed it all up.

DJ: I’m with you sister. I’m not eating no dolphin.

(Confessional : Chef)

Chef: I slave over a hot stove cooking dolphin. No appreciation!

(Confessional Off)

Chris: Okay, enough. We’ll solve this by having an eat-off. The one who can drink the most shot glasses of fresh, delicious blended cockroach will be the winner. This unlikely satisfying blend of eight different cockroaches is vitamin rich for your balanced lifestyle. On your mark, get set, go!

Owen and Leshwana drink the cockroaches.

Leshawna groans two times

Chris: Owen wins!

DJ, Duncan, Geoff, and Trent cheer

Leshawna groans

Heather: Leshawna, you are completely useless!

Leshawna: Oh, uh-oh, something’s coming up. [puking]

DJ pukes

Trent:pukes

Chef: Grr… [retches]

Chris retches

Duncan and Geoff Puke

The “elimination” music plays.

Chris: The guys are the big winners today. And the girls go their separate ways. Two definitive cliques have been cemented. [Heather grunts and the door rattles] For now. What shocking surprises are in store for our campers next week as they head for the big merge? Tune in on Total. Drama. Island!

[amazonswin]

Heather

Pairing: Duncan/Courtney (Total Drama)

Word Count: 2k

A/n: I really wanted to do a ‘Heather’ song fic so here it is! I guess you could says it’s total dramarama verse? But they’re all just in high school together. This is a lot sadder/angstier than I thought it would be, but I hope you like it!

—————

Me in your sweater

You said it looked better  

On me, than it did you 

Courtney didn’t usually like being outside in the middle of the night. There were too many bugs and too many things she couldn’t control. But somehow Duncan had convinced her to sneak out at 1am and drive to the most remote part of town. Out of all of his stupid spurr of the moment ideas, this was the only one she couldn’t seem to regret. Courtney wasn’t a calm person most of the time, there was too much she had to do. However, just the presence of Duncan melted that away, leaving her feeling absolutely perfect. 

For someone who built their reputation on being a bad boy, Duncan surprisingly knew a lot about the stars. Mainly, the best spots to sit and watch them. That was how Courtney found herself sitting upon the hood of his car on the edge of Arid cliff. There they sat pointing out various constellations, completely impervious to the outside world. 

Goosebumps prickled her skin as the night grew colder. As if on cue, Duncan took off his sweater and handed it to the brunette. It smelled exactly like he always had. Courtney quickly slipped it on, leaving the collar just above her chin. 

She smiled softly as she tucked her head on his shoulder. If anyone saw them, they’d be certain they were a couple. It was easy to get lost in each other, neither would have it any other way. Covered by a blanket of stars with the smell of the person she held closest to her, Courtney couldn’t help but to feel herself begin to drift off.

Only if you knew  

How much I liked you

One thing was clear, Courtney was hopelessly in love with Duncan. However, she absolutely did not want to be. They were so different, he was too reckless. There was no way she could tell him. Why risk ruining everything? 

The first time she laid eyes on him, he had kicked over her block tower. The tower she had planned out so meticulously, the one she had spent an hour carefully placing every block upon. He apologised, but she didn't buy it. Even at 4, she knew falsehood when she heard it. Then came that damn nickname. Every time she spoke her mind she was greeted with a smug smile and the word, “princess”. And yet, somewhere along the way they became inseparable.

When they were 12, Duncan snuck Courtney through his bedroom window because her parents had extended their business trip another week and she couldn’t sleep alone again. When they were 14, they stayed out all night after Duncan had yet another blow out with his father and needed to forget for a while. They were always together. He was her everything, her safety, her home.

I watch your eyes

As she  Walks by

Courtney knew she had to tell Duncan how she felt. Whether he liked her back or not, she couldn’t go on hiding it anymore. Her plan was perfect, she’d approach him before class and invite him over to her house later. This wouldn’t raise too many flags, as he’s usually there anyways. Once they were alone, she’d lay it all out, every response had already circled her head and she had a reaction planned for each. To seal the deal, Courtney decided to wear her favorite light pink sweater that fit just right. The one that was cut a little too low, that highlighted all the right curves, that Duncan had never been able to keep his eyes off of. 

His car was already in the lot as she pulled in. At the beginning of the year, Duncan had conned some Senior out of his spot so he could have the one right next to Courtney’s. It was their routine to bring each other coffee every morning, and today was Duncan’s turn. Courtney waited in her car for a few minutes, ensuring her makeup was to perfection. He didn’t show. As first period approached, she knew she couldn’t wait anymore. 

The lesson passed by like background noise, her mind constantly shifting to Duncan. As unreliable as he could be, he had never stood her up before. Even if he decided to play hookie, he had always texted her. He’d beg her to come with him and Courtney would always refuse, jokingly calling him a ‘ delinquent ’. But today there was nothing. 

She was at her locker when she saw him, but he didn’t seem to notice her. His eyes glued to another. Gwen joined Duncan at his locker, Courtney couldn’t hear them and couldn’t seem to look away. Gwen laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair, a telltale sign of his flirtatious attempt.

She's got you  

Mesmerized  

While I die

It had been a few weeks since Gwen and Duncan made it official. He had stopped hanging around as much as he used to. First it was slowly, their nightly get togethers consisted mainly of outgoing phone calls followed by complete silence. Courtney had never felt more alone.

Bridgette hated seeing her like this. Though it didn’t show, Courtney had always been one of the happiest people she knew. Bridgette couldn’t sit around and see her friend destroy herself. So, that was how Courtney ended up agreeing to an after school hang out.

She didn’t know it would be a group thing, or that it would include the two people she least wanted to see. When she reluctantly accepted Bridgette’s pizza invitation, she really hoped it’d just be the two of them. Yet here she sat in a booth, right across from her biggest regret. Courtney tried to focus on the slice in front of her, but her eyes felt desperately drawn to Duncan. Gwen sat snuggled up to him, nearly but not quite on his lap, his arm wrapped around her. Their constant laughter and little whispers scattered about. Duncan was completely mesmerized by Gwen, his gaze only set on her. 

It didn’t matter how much time they had spent together or what secrets they knew. Duncan had moved on, he wasn’t hers. Courtney wanted to vomit, to just stand and run. Her thoughts shouted at her to flee, but her legs didn’t budge. So there she sat, quietly dying.

Why would you ever kiss me?  

I'm not even half, as pretty

Courtney found herself entranced by the bathroom mirror, the fluorescent lights highlighting each and every blemish. She had spent the weekend alone again, with the sole intent of studying. People knew not to bother her when she got like this. Even if they had, she wouldn’t have noticed. 

To combat feelings of helplessness, she would push herself. Being in control meant never feeling so small, so worthless. Courtney had forced herself to focus on her studies completely. Law was her favorite, it was set in stone and nothing about it surprised her. So she pushed herself further, trying to learn, trying to forget.  

Tears began to stream down her face, her suppressed sobs making themselves known. Every past insecurity seemed to emerge all at once. She felt empty and forgotten. Her knuckles paled as she gripped the sink tighter. Duncan had never been hers. He had always been there, but he didn’t belong to her. For so long he had been her best friend, her constant, her everything. But now it was if she was nothing to him. How stupid could she be? Gwen had always been the obvious choice. She was exactly his type, they had everything in common. 

How could Courtney have been so oblivious to something so obvious? Why would Duncan ever have chosen her?

 But how could I hate her?  

She's such an angel  

Courtney wanted to hate Gwen. She had every reason to. After all, Gwen was the reason she wasn’t with Duncan. Hating her was easy, Gwen had never been her friend anyway. Before Duncan, she wasn’t even in the same friend group. There simply wasn’t any reason she would ever have to talk to her.

That was until Mr. Parker insisted the two pair up for the most recent history report. Courtney offered to do it herself, after all she knew the material like the back of her hand. But Gwen had refused, which was how they found themselves directly across from each other at Courtney’s dining room table. 

Courtney had decided this would be strictly business oriented, something Gwen had been completely oblivious to. 

“Do you think if we copied it straight from the textbook he’d even notice?” Gwen asked.

“Considering you're on a chapter about the Canadian confederation and the report is on World War II, probably” Gwen snickered, but Courtney barely looked away from the book. She had to keep her dignity, she had to hate Gwen.

“Yeah but Mr. Parker doesn’t have the best eyesight. We smudge a few words and maybe he’ll give it a B.”

“I’m not interested in getting B’s.” She turned the page, pressing the pen harder as she compiled the notes. 

“Okay, a C then” 

Courtney couldn’t help but laugh. As much as she hated it, Gwen was funny. Maybe this whole thing wouldn’t be too agonizing.

With the ice a little thinner, the project flew by. She already had it planned out, of course, but Gwen did make some nice additions. As the hours flew by, laughter was much more present than work. Neither of them seemed to mind.

“Your house is so quiet.” Gwen pointed out, noting the stillness of the surrounding rooms. 

“I guess so.” Courtney quickly ducked her head downward, she had really hoped Gwen wouldn’t notice that.

“I mean it’s almost nine. Shouldn’t your parents be home or something?” It was meant to sound like a joke, yet she couldn’t deny the hint of worry.

“Oh, no. They don’t come home.” The words slipped out of her mouth, “I mean, they’re away on business so it’s okay.” Courtney wished she could escape this moment. She felt her protective shield slowly slipping away.

“Wow, I’m so sorry. Are they away a lot?”

“I’m used to it, It’s nothing I can’t handle.” There was no denying the tears forming in her eyes. 

She barely had time to wipe them away as Gwen reached over, pulling her into a tight hug. Courtney felt her face turn red. She had to hate this, she had to hate her.  Not knowing her made that so easy, but now? How could someone who cared so much about someone she barely knew be anything but angelic? There was no way she could keep blaming Gwen, that was clear. Yet, a small part of her still yearned to go back to before. Before Gwen existed, when Duncan was hers and hers alone. 

 You gave her your sweater  

It's just polyester, but you like her better

Courtney still tried to avoid the couple, though in less ways than before. As summer quickly approached, the group decided to go to the drive-ins to catch a movie they all wanted to see. As usual, they all brought camping chairs and blankets to huddle outside of the cars. They’d always discuss what was happening in the movie, just quiet enough to not disturb others. Gwen sat on Duncan’s lap. His hands fiddling with her hair, her occasionally feeding him popcorn. 

Courtney tried to ignore them, instead trying to focus on the movie. No luck. She wasn’t sure if it was love or obsession, but it consumed her. He was all she could think about. Risking another glance, the glass was shattered. Duncan took off his sweater and handed it to the goth. The same stupid sweater he lent her on their last perfect night. The sweater that smelt so much like him.

 It was just a sweater, just pieces of thread. But it was so much more than that, it was a symbol he was Gwen's. A symbol that Courtney wasn’t his whole world anymore, that someone new had taken the throne. She had to release him and let him be happy. Didn’t they both deserve that? 

Wish I were Heather

———

Tags: @savalc69

(Want to be added to my tag list for future fics? Let me know!)

[total-ass]

Response to the anon that said the kids on Dramarama get abused, the episodes are outrageous and nothing makes sense:

1.the kids don't get abused. Like for reals?! just compare how they are treated to how their Teenaged counterparts get treated on Total Drama. The Dramarama kids have it way easier. The only one that you could argue that is abused is Cody but I have a theory that he goes to two schools : one on his home planet and other on earth and, on the days he's on his planet, the other aliens go to earth and disguise themselves as him to cover up for him. And they are the ones that die wich brings me to my next point.

2. The reason why nothing seems to make sense is because some of the episodes really happened while others (like Jelly aches, Glove Glove me do, piñata regata and total eclipse of the fart) came out of the imagination of the kids. There are also some that really happened but where exaggerated by the producers and toddlers (Like Tiger's fail (i believe Gwen and Cody kept playing for 78 days not 78 years and he lost because he was hurt somehow, not because he died) and the tooth about zombies (there's no way Cody turned himself into a zombie. He probably just bit himself and started crying because he was hurt). There is also one episode (me, my elf and I) wich was either a play or a film they did for a contest or something like that. My theory is that, much like Total drama and Liv & Maddie, Dramarama is a show within a show... Or In this case a Cartoon within a Cartoon. Someone (most likely that army soldier from "a fish called Leshawna" that said the daycare called a lot) sold their stories to a Cartoon producer before the first episode aired and the confessional scenes are just the kids and chef telling the roterist about what they felt on that particular day.

If you want a list of wich episodes actually happened, here it goes:

Venthalla (happened but the level of bouciness of the ball was exaggerated by the kids)

Duck Duck Juice (happened)

Cluckwork orange (happened. Hey Total Drama has dolphins that can drive trucks, why Dramarama can't have werewolfs?)

Free chilli (happened but the final scene was imagined by the kids)

The date (happened)

Aquarium for a dream (happened)

Cutting corners (happened)

Sharing is caring (happened)

Ant we all just get along (happened)

Germ factory (happened)

Cone in 60 seconds (happened)

The bad guy busters (happened)

That's a wrap (happened. Total drama has raccoons that can unite and assemble itselfs to turn into a giant robot. Why Dramarama can't have mummies?)

Tiger fail (i already talked about this one)

A ninjustice for Harold (happened)

Having the timeout of our life's (happened)

Hic Hic horray (happened)

🍌🍌 & 🧀 (happened)

Inglorious toddlers (happened)

Not without my fudgy lumps (happened)

Paint that shame (happened)

Snot's landing (happened but everything that occurred inside Beth's 👃🏻 was part of her imagination)

A licking time bomb ( unfortunately it hapenned 🤢🤮)

From badge to worse (happened)

Snow Way Out (happened but the scenes with the hamster and the level of inflation of the suit was part of the kids imagination)

All up your drill (happened)

Toys will be toys (happened)

Stay goth poodle girl, stay goth (happened)

Gum and gummer (happened)

Invasion of the booger snatchers (entirely imagined by Harold though the kids did have a picture day)

Wristy business (happened)

Melter skelter (happened though Harold just imagined the dangers in the basement )

The never Gwending Story (happened)

There are no Hoppy Endings (happened)

Too much of a goo'd thing (happened but the slime coming to life and eating the kids was part of their imagination . They just got trapped on it)

The price of advice (happened)

Mother of all cards (happened)

Duncan disorderly (happened)

Soother or later (happened but Duncan imagined the scene were the stormy cloud calls him)

Camping in tents (happened)

Mutt Ado About Owen (happened but Cody imagined the thing that was with him on the hole)

Simon's are forever (the beginning and middle parts happened but the end was imagined by Izzy who got annoyed with Duncan and Leshawna for acting the way they did)

Stop! Hamster Time ( entirely imagined by Owen and Bridgette. She just got tired of taking care of the hamster)

Driving miss crazy (happened)

Weiner Takes All (happened)

Apoca-lice now (happened but the lices couldn't talk. That was imagined by the kids)

Gnome more mister Nice guy (happened. One of the aliens from Cody's planet was eaten by Owen)

Look who's clocking (entirely imagined by the kids)

Harold and the goblet of Flies (happened)

Stink, stank stunk (happened)

Glove glove me do (entirely imagined by Owen but he did find the gloves in the lost and found. The one that actually did everything Owen himself couldn't get right on the beginning was Noah but since Nowen didn't talk much on that particular day, Owen imagined that it was himself that did it with the help of the gloves)

Robo teacher (happened)

The tooth about zombies (already talked about this one)

Lie ranossaurus wrecked ( the beginning happened but the part with the second dinosaur onwards was imagined by Ozzy, Beth, Harold and Jude.)

An Egg-stremely bad idea (happened)

Exercising the demons (happened but no one got ripped in just a day. That was imagined by the kids)

.....

Ok I'm not gonna do all of them but you get the drill.

The end of Cartoon realism was imagined by Gwen and Beth.

Everything that happened on Beth and the Beanstalk was imagined by Beth.

Chef buying a copy machine was the only thing not imagined by Duncan on For a few Duncans and more.

The magical clawn noose was imagined by Harold and Owen.

The entire plot of upside of Hunger was imagined by Owen though that particular paralel universe does exist.

The entire plot of Jelly aches was imagined by the kids.

Owen imagined the entire plot of Total eclipse of the fart.

3.the episodes are not Outrageous!!😠😡👿 They are cool! 😠😡👿

[heathers-wig]

last kiss oneshot aka a sad heathers-wig making a duncney oneshot at 1AM and getting emotional over the duncney parallels because i’m THAT bitch

listen,,,,, i know. i have no shame. making duncney content in 2020? to old taylor swift songs? my pride has evaporated, so please td tumblr, have mercy. 

also @ my few non-td mutuals and non-writer mutuals: do not judge me more than you already have please i’m begging.

available on ao3 here

I still remember the look on your face

Lit through the darkness at 1:58

The words that you whispered

For just us to know

You told me you loved me

So why did you go away?

A somber reflection of her own face stared back at Courtney as the brown eyed girl stared, saddened, outside one of the jet’s windows. The Jumbo-Jet had been flying for hours, to wherever the show’s next location was, and the rest of her team was fast asleep; even Cody, who was terrified of Sierra rubbing his feet at the dead of the night. Sierra herself had been worn out after hours of cutting out perfectly shaped pieces of paper of a Gwen silhouette and then destroying it — she had taken so much joy out of it, and had done it so flawlessly, that Courtney was sure it had become a routine over the few years Total Drama had been airing on TV. After today, Courtney would gladly join Sierra, if she wasn’t so busy making a list on how much of a back-stabbing, helio-phobic goth-loving liar that Gwen was. 

God, Gwen; just the name made Courtney want to let out one of the most pathetic sobs that had ever been seen on television. She knew it was stupid, she honestly did, that she trusted Gwen — it wasn’t anything she said, or really anything that she did, that deemed Gwen as untrustworthy, it was more like the feeling of being unsettled that came after every time Duncan’s name would worm its way into the conversation, and the way Gwen had tensed and how the goth’s cheeks would become slightly pinker, yet her skin somehow paler; in hindsight, it was so dreadfully and painfully obvious that this would happen, and how inevitable it was that this sad, beautifully breathtaking destruction would crumble down on the fragments of happiness in Courtney’s life, but maybe that’s why Courtney and Gwen were drawn together in the first place. To prove the paparazzi wrong, or maybe because Courtney really believed that Gwen wouldn’t stoop as low and confirm the public’s suspicions. However, time had slowly gone by and Courtney learned the hard, cruel way that they were absolutely right.

Chef, who had never taken any sort of liking or pity on Courtney — except when she had sued Chris, he had begrudgingly admitted that he was impressed — had been nice (or cruel, Courtney couldn’t decide which one was more accurate,) enough to show the brunette the clip herself. Herself hugging Duncan (who she now nicknamed Dumbcan in her own mind — ugh, the jerk!) so lovingly after being separated for what felt like ages, and feeling her heart soar when he said he thought of her while he was gone —

— But that was all a lie. A lie that made Courtney feel secure in her deteriorating relationship, a lie that allowed Duncan an easy way out, a lie that filled Gwen’s stomach to the brim with fluttering butterflies. Courtney had to watch, with something that felt all too familiar to horror, as Duncan and Gwen embraced and slowly leaned towards each other, all while knowing and ignoring the brunette outside who was just so happy that she had her boyfriend back and someone she could call the closest to a best friend was still in the game with her. It was almost ironic how that ended. Almost.

Now, staring out the window, Courtney couldn’t help but wander how this could have possibly happened. Of course, she knew the actual answer; Gwen falling for Duncan after her public and awful breakup with Trent, and Duncan losing interest in her as Courtney thought more and more of their relationship as long-term versus until one of them had gotten a sudden sweep of common sense and dumped the other. Whenever Courtney had tried to construct the words in her head of what she would say to Duncan when she eventually had to actually face him, the thoughts that were so carefully balanced on the tip of her tongue would come tumbling back down to the pit of her stomach. Throwing a pity party and tantrum when breaking up with Duncan would be inevitable — she knew it, as much as she didn’t want to acknowledge it — but the feeling of dread she felt when looking back on their initial relationship was too much to bear. 

It was ironic, wasn’t it, how she was the first to lean in, while Duncan had took the final lean out? And how he didn’t even have enough guts to breakup with her to begin with? Sure, it would definitely hurt, but she was almost positive that it would be nowhere near the amount of heartache she felt while watching that clip.

What killed her the most was that she could still remember the electric blue eyes of his that seemed to illuminate the darkness of night that day she rebelled, the very day she would now do anything to erase from history. The look of initial shock on his face when Courtney grabbed his face and smashed their lips together in one electrifying kiss... it was painful to remember such a time. If Courtney tried hard enough, she was sure she could hear the slight chatter of their friends behind them and the crickets around them and maybe even the humming of porch lights next to them. Possibly even pick up on the slight smell of cigarettes that followed Duncan everywhere (like his criminal record, as Courtney would snidely berate him, though those days were left to wither in the past), or unfortunately the resting puddle of vomit next to the porch. 

“Enjoy a peanut butter-less life,” he had remarked, the words still ringing in Courtney’s head almost two years later.

“Thanks,” Courtney herself had quipped, leaning up against him. “Enjoy prison,”

“I will,” the juvenile smirked. It all felt like such a long time ago. Had it all meant nothing? Maybe it had been broadcasted around the world, but it was such a private and intimate moment between them that felt like it was for them and them alone — and yet he cheated? He turned around and kissed up her best friend with little to no remorse? Did it mean anything to him? She wasn’t sure she wanted the answer. 

If it did, wouldn’t he had stayed? Wouldn’t he had wanted to talk things out, instead of hurting her in the worst way possible? Wouldn’t he have meant every ‘I love you,’ he said while they were still dating with no second thought? Did he even mean every ‘I love you’? Or were they just lies that tasted as sweet as honey on his tongue, that he spoon-fed to Courtney every now and then to keep her from leaving him.

She wasn’t sure what haunted her more; knowing that Duncan felt no regret for what he did or having a last kiss with no knowledge of its significance. 

I do recall now

The smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement

I ran off the plane

That July ninth

The beat of your heart

It jumps through your skin

I can still feel your arms

As odd as it felt, a few weeks have gone by since her nasty breakup with Duncan. She finally got to shove Gwen (who was swelling up from her allergic reaction at a concerning rate, but Courtney had no pity left for Gwen in her heart that the goth and Duncan were responsible for breaking) off of Chris’s jet, but to her disappointment it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as she hoped it would be. Sure, seeing Gwen’s falling figure struggle to open the parachute brought a smile to her face and earned a chuckle from Heather (and a maniacal laugh from Sierra), but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to personally shove Duncan off the plane herself, but she wouldn’t be as kind to him as she was with Gwen; she’d be taking the parachute right before she shoved the fatal push.

The feeling that came after Gwen’s elimination was hard to describe — of course, sheer joy immediately after, but after the cameras stopped rolling and Chris instructed them all to head to bed, panic took its place. Courtney knew she was a target from her fellow teammates — Heather probably wanted to chop all her hair off for flirting with her dear Alejandro; Courtney almost wished the two would get together and save Courtney the heartbreak she’d have to face that there was no one left for her. Duncan would of course crave Courtney’s elimination, and Alejandro and Sierra would probably agree to anything so as long as it wasn’t them, or Cody, in Sierra’s case. Just about everything seemed to be going her way, wasn’t it? 

Courtney wasn’t even sure if she cared at this point. Should she? Of course, winning would be a great payment for everything she’s had to put up with on Total Drama, this season in particular, but at the same time, with Gwen officially out of the running, following her and going back home would feel even better. 

Home. Courtney hadn’t been there in ages, and at this point she wasn’t sure what she considered home to be. There was the pristine mansion she was raised in by her lawyer parents, and while that place might have looked like the front of a magazine cover, it felt like an empty ghost of a home. Not a single thing was out of place — not a throw pillow or piece of silverware. Her parents were either always at work, travelling for a case, or holed up in their respective offices; there was rarely “family time”. Courtney was fine with this, though; that’s just how things were for the Castillo family. 

There was Camp Wawanakwa, as evil and ironic as it was. For a few weeks, she lived with teenagers, not the reality stars they were now. When her friends from debate club sometimes dragged her to a rewatch of the first season, it was odd to see how different they were all back then, but at the same time, they really hadn’t changed at all. Though Courtney was unsure if she would ever step foot on that island ever again, it would always hold a place in her heart — good or bad? She hadn’t decided yet — for the beginning of whatever her life was now. 

Her apartment was an option, as well. It wasn’t as much home as just the place she so happened to live in. No emotional attachment whatsoever; some boxes were still stacked in a spare coat closet, all neatly labeled in a thick Sharpie. It wasn’t that Courtney was disorganized or lazy, more like there was no use in unpacking all of her belongings in a temporary home. She moved out of her parents’ mansion as college crept closer and closer, and she hadn’t lived with her parents since last summer. 

That summer felt alien at this point, looking at old photographs that were neatly organized on her cellphone. She remembered her family went on a month-long vacation in Europe, and Duncan had come to pick her up from the airport, much to her parents’ displeasure. The Castillos and Duncan did not get along, but tried to be civil for Courtney’s sake — they knew how much it could upset her when they were constantly at odds. Being civil was nowhere easy for either parties, but seeing Courtney’s happiness and hope that there was just maybe a hope that she and Duncan would be able to have a future together made it worth it.

However, seeing his arm around her waist with easy smiles on both of their lips made Courtney’s stomach lurch, just knowing what he would do a little more than a year later. It brought back too many memories that were painful to recall, and came all at once with no warning, much like a band-aid being harshly torn off the surface of a child’s knee.

That day it had been raining all afternoon, and there was still a slight drizzle and mist in the air when Courtney’s family had landed. Duncan was there, at the pickup area, with brunch for herself and her entire family from some local cafe — as much as he would deny it, deep down she just knew he was a sweetheart — and as soon as he could, he wrapped his arms around Courtney, which Courtney had gladly returned. 

The smell of rose and cigarettes, a smell that had become the twisted combination of the aromas surrounding Courtney and Duncan, filled Courtney’s nose, and she couldn’t help but bask in how glorious it felt, to simply be embraced by Duncan. No bickering, no making out, just a simple sign of affection was all it took for Courtney to feel at peace. They were so close, she could’ve swore she could feel the faint beat of his heart underneath his t-shirt.

It was such a quick, and rather insignificant moment, of their relationship, that Courtney couldn’t figure out, for the life of her, why it stuck with her. Maybe because it was insignificant in the long run it was so cherishable to her — a quick, stolen moment of sweet nothings that was caught in the middle of the timeline of her rather messy and confusing relationship with Duncan. 

Did Duncan still remember that July ninth? Probably not. Realistically, not. In fact, he was probably busy daydreaming making out with his new girlfriend in another all new spot on Gwen’s neck that made them feel something new that they never felt with Trent or Courtney. Not at all reminiscing on Courtney unwillingly falling in love with Duncan that July ninth in front of her parents, not at all remembering the imprint he left on her heart (though it did give her a sense of satisfaction that all Duncan could do was wish, as Courtney could gladly say she heard Gwen’s shrieks of terror as she plummeted towards the Earth at a rapid pace with a broken parachute).

Feeling a sudden chill in the air, Courtney runs her hands up and down her upper arms. As much as she hated him for it, she could still feel Duncan’s arms wrapping themselves around her, and she felt less colder. 

She doubted Duncan remembered the smell of lingering rain on the pavement that July ninth, or the hand squeeze and smile she gave him, or her parents finally warming up to him when he remembered their favorite brunch meal. 

She doubted he would even want to remember any of it.

But now I’ll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is

I don’t know how to be something you missed

Never thought we’d have a last kiss

Never imagined we’d end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Courtney wasn’t sure what to feel; upset? Angered? Humiliated? Robbed of winning, yet again? Maybe even a little relieved? They were all emotions she had felt before on the previous times she had been eliminated from Total Drama, but considering the circumstances... Courtney decided a combination of all would be the most appropriate. 

She was upset she allowed herself to cheat for Alejandro, who she was only really using to spite Duncan (not like Duncan had even batted an eye, which admittedly really stung), and she was fully aware Alejandro didn’t return her feelings, but God, she hadn’t felt any joy in what felt like ages, maybe she felt Alejandro would, what, reward her? All she got was a kiss after she freshened up, and it wasn’t even that good to begin with — too much tongue for her liking. 

Duncan knew how to kiss me just right. Crossed her mind, but as soon as it surfaces, she shoves it far, far down.

And she was angry, so angry that she had allowed herself to be used and manipulated, on International TV no less! She looked like exactly what she was, and she did not like it in any way, whatsoever — weak. And with that, humiliation; being cheated on, blanked, used and then sent packing with that trashy, gossip-craving Blaineley of all people was such a huge hit to her pride, Courtney was unsure if her pride would ever be able to recover, even five years from now. God, that was pathetic, the thought of still being sensitive to her Total Drama World Tour experience as a full-on adult. Definition of embarrassing. Her ego was massively bruised, and had taken such a fall that Courtney was sure she would never allow herself to get close to anyone ever again. Was it selfish? Maybe. But a businesswoman has to do what she has to do to be successful and strong, and if that meant ghosting everyone and plunging herself into her work — so be it. 

However... a small, incredibly fragile fraction of herself was so relieved. Of course, she wanted to win, to show to her ex-friend and boyfriend she was more than capable of destroying them, but she had already endured so much humiliation during that season that she felt her shoulders relax a little rather than tense up before she jumped off the plane. Though the cameras didn’t show it, Courtney found herself smiling like a lunatic — like Izzy, as she had now come to realize, not that she enjoyed acknowledging it one bit — as she dived off the jet, finally free from Chris, the cameras and most of all, Duncan. 

But now that she was back at her bleak apartment, she realized that cruelly ironically enough that he was more present in her own dorm even when he was across the world, with no thought or emotion to spare in her direction. The couch reeked of him, where he had spent New Years’ Eve and where they ended up falling asleep at 4 in the morning; the coffee table underneath her bare fingers felt like him, where an engraving of D+C was proudly displayed on the corner; the fridge seemed to still have him traced all over it, where she and Duncan had a huge argument in front of before he had slipped out the words “I love you” for the first time, and even the coat racket was imprinted with Duncan, where one of his jackets still hung, firm from months of not being used. Though a part of her wanted to reach out for it and wrap it around herself for some source of comfort, Courtney knew she shouldn’t — she couldn’t. But... 

It was ridiculous. A stupid, humiliating and reckless idea that would take the mere shreds left of her ego, dignity and pride and bury them six feet under. But right now, nobody would know... there was no paparazzi or roommate around to expose her, and she did feel awfully cold....

Grabbing the collar of the jacket, Courtney wrapped it around her shoulders and (shamefully, she couldn’t believe she was allowing her pride to stoop even lower than it already had) dashed in her pristine bedroom and immediately opened one of her drawers; Duncan’s drawer, which was filled with even more memories, both good and bad. To be fair, they were once all good, but now they left a sour sting on Courtney’s tongue. She tore through the drawer, before fixating on one item and pulling it out — one of Duncan’s many copies of his infamous skull t-shirt.

Without even meaning to, Courtney found herself crumbling like a piece of wet gingerbread. How pathetic are you? She mentally scolded herself, but at that moment she found herself realizing she simply didn’t care. After a lifetime of being as cold and emotionless as she could be, a boy of all things is what broke her down. After being rid of Total Drama — for now, Courtney had to remind herself — and the travel, the cameras and the clothes, and now just in her pajamas and dreadfully Duncan’s jacket, Courtney couldn’t help but unleash the full power of the sobs that had been building up in Courtney since the breakup. 

How was she going to get past this? Would she always be remembered as the bitch that a criminal cheated on on TV? What about her future? Would this all affect her chances in office? How could her ego possibly come back from this? Most of all, how would she cope knowing that Duncan, the nuisance criminal she’s despised for around two or three years, was gone for good and was never, ever coming back, no matter how much Courtney craved for it? 

Would Duncan even miss her? Would he ever, someday in the future, when things with Gwen were rocky? Would he remember Courtney, and think of her as something he missed? Was that even a title Courtney had the chance of claiming?

Courtney craved Duncan. She wanted his presence in her apartment, she wanted his arms around her, his lips pressed on her own; she hadn’t, didn’t and probably would never have wanted a last kiss, and knowing that they were as good as done with no chance of having another stolen kiss — it was too much. How could she have let them end like this?

���D... Duncan,” The name forces itself out of Courtney’s throat and through her lips, crumpling his shirt in her hands and bringing her knees to the ground, where she continues to sob. Tossing one more item from the drawer — the wooden skull, with D+C engraved on it, looking as new as it did years ago — she hurls it at the mirror in the corner of her room, its impact cracking the glass. 

Maybe in the morning Courtney would care, but at that moment, all she wanted was to be comforted by the one person who couldn’t, wouldn’t and would never comfort her ever again. All she knew was that she would never stop craving Duncan, no matter who was by her side or made her smile and laugh and shower her with kisses — the whole time she would be wishing it was Duncan instead, sharing a kiss that would be far from their last. 

I do remember

The swing in your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

Because I love your handshake

Meetin’ my father

I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets

How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something

There’s not a day that I don’t miss those rude interruptions

Courtney despised the nights that followed post-World Tour elimination; they were filled with nightmares of happier times that mocked Courtney, nightmares that were dressed like perfect, safe and welcoming dreams. Nightmares that felt like incredible dreams at first, until Courtney woke up and remembered how alone she truly was. 

That night it was a random, and rather insignificant, memory of a wild party that Duncan had dragged her to. It was hosted by the cousin of a friend of Geoff’s friend, and of course Geoff and Duncan insisted that Bridgette, Courtney and DJ to come with, as much as Courtney was opposed to the idea. Duncan always made impacts, for lack of better word, on the guests, that would usually result in him adding a hundred followers to his Instagram, starting a riot and Courtney having to bail him out of jail or being kicked out by the host; it was a gamble each time. 

That night, Duncan had chosen to boast in front of a group of guests on all the laws he had broken and tattoos he had gotten — just Duncan’s usual load of shit. 

Courtney had rolled her eyes and sneered in disgust — just Courtney’s typical reaction to said load of shit. “God, Duncan, those tattoos are disgusting, I don’t see how you put up with them,” She had scowled. Duncan shrugged and wrapped his arm around her, leaning into Courtney, intently watching her incredibly dark and hypnotizing (at least, they were to him) eyes widen in surprise. 

“You’re just no fun,” Duncan lamely insulted, poking his tongue out at her and showcasing his tongue piercing that made Courtney’s nose scrunch up.

“I am plenty of fun!” Courtney snapped.

“Really? Prove it,” Duncan challenged, jerking his head toward the dance floor. Courtney gave him a withering glare that would have turned anyone else to a mere pile of dust, before gripping his wrist and dragging her with him, determined to prove him wrong. Unbeknownst to her, he was grinning like an enamored puppy behind her. 

As a slow song came on, Courtney wrapped her arms around Duncan’s neck while her wrapped his around her waist as they slowly swayed around to the beat of the song. Just as Duncan dipped her down, and Courtney felt a glamorous sensation as they both leaned toward each other and —

— suddenly, Duncan impaled a hook through Courtney (that looked all too familiar to the one he had spooked her with a long time ago) that Courtney hadn’t even noticed he had, before dropping her on the dance floor, her white dress staining with red blood like wine, as everyone else continued dancing to the romantic melody, paying no glance to Courtney.

She felt light headed while her eyelids felt like three tons, and as she fell on her knees, hunched over from the wound, she couldn’t help but notice as her eyes began to flutter shut no one spared a glance at her way; not even Duncan, who was back with his friends, showcasing the book like it was a trophy. As Courtney knew she was breathing her last breath, Duncan glanced her way and gave a crooked smirk, his eyes flashing hot with satisfaction at her pain. The ocean blue in his eyes had become a ferocious storm.

Courtney had jarred awake, hot, sweaty, emotional and desperate with the time of 2:34 staring back at her from her alarm clock. Courtney sighed with relief upon the realization it was just another nightmare about her ex-boyfriend, one that was rather cheesy anyway — what she would give to not be haunted by him as she still was. Unfortunately, as much as she hated the fact, she knew he still roamed her consciousness, subconsciousness and unconsciousness because of the fact she still loved him, even after everything, and a fraction of that love would probably live on for years to come until Courtney was on her deathbed.

With that comforting thought, Courtney groaned and turned away from her clock and towards the wall, studying the plaster like her life depended on it; anything to get her away from the angry electric blue that followed her even when her eyes were sealed shut.

It was plain annoying how she knew that she still loved Duncan, no matter how many times she was forced to re-live the brutal truth that he no longer loved her whenever she came face-to-face with a tabloid at the checkout line when she would occasionally get groceries, or search his name on the Internet to see how he was coping; maybe Courtney couldn’t face the truth, couldn’t face that maybe she was no longer in love with Duncan but instead with the memories of him that were scattered about her life.

It felt odd going to her parents’ and not having to deal with her father staring Duncan down, and for Duncan to stare right back, passive-aggressively. Not to watch both men clench each other’s hands firmly while looking at the other dead in the eye when Courtney introduced them. Now whenever she went to her parents’, all she felt was the sore reminder that in the end, the Castillos were right — Duncan was nothing but trouble and pain in the end.

It was painful going to the mall without Duncan to lean on, or his hand to clutch as they would lazily walk around the shops. Or how Courtney no longer had to unfold each of Duncan’s clothes from being inside-out in the laundry or hand a mountain of objects found in Duncan’s pockets to him before stuffing his pants in the washer. Duncan used to (or maybe he still did, Courtney would have no idea,) stuff anything and everything he possibly could into his pockets — keys, empty wrappers of gum, cigarettes or small things he’d pick pocketed, even spare change (though Courtney used to mock him for still carrying pennies around — who does that? She’d tease).

“That’s what you get for always walking with your hands in your pockets,” Courtney used to barate. “Someday, you’re going to end up washing your wallet if it isn’t for me,”

“Yeah, well, you’ll always be here, so that’s not a concern,” Duncan had winked back.

All Courtney could do now was scowl at how that had aged.

Hell, Courtney found herself missing their arguments — mostly over the small and rather unimportant things, they were ironically some of her fondest memories. Half the time their arguments would end up with the two making out after Duncan had silenced her with a kiss, and Courtney was now well-aware no one would ever interrupt her in such a way ever again.

Duncan was the only person who Courtney would allow to interrupt her, though now he wouldn’t want to even listen to her, let alone care enough to plant a kiss on her lips when she was in the middle of talking. Courtney had never wanted someone to interrupt her more than she wanted Duncan to.

And I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep

And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are

Hope it's nice where you are

( TIME JUMP: 4 Months after TDAS )

Two months after coming home, Courtney found herself slowly healing from the damage that Duncan had caused on her heart. Two more months after that, Courtney found herself genuinely able to smile after that without the desire for Duncan and Gwen to be by her side; a year after that, Total Drama All Stars has been done for four months and Courtney lived day-to-day life without thinking of either Duncan or Gwen.

Courtney had been laying low for that time; obnoxious, gossip-hungry tabloids had asked for a “statement” from her whenever Gwen or Duncan or one of her ex-contestants found themselves on a headline, but Courtney shot them down every time — her ego might have taken a huge hit from World Tour and that episode from All Stars, but she wasn’t desperate enough to willingly make an appearance and be interviewed by Celebrity Manhunt.

The questions for “statements” seemed to blur over time; do you have any words of advice for Heather, who suspects Alejandro of cheating? Have you heard Trent’s new single? Rumor has it it’s about Gwen and Duncan! Speaking of Gwen and Duncan, if they were reading this, what would you say to them?

It was an endless and rather tiring cycle of the paparazzi trying to lure a reaction out of her, which Courtney refused to give into.

However, one day as Courtney was loading her groceries on a conveyor belt at the local grocery store, a headline from a tabloid caught her eye. All Courtney read were the words Totally Dramatic, and Courtney knew she should look away — they were the same magazine that publicly called Courtney a bitch a few months ago, which she would never forget. Though she had self-control in public, she found that at 11PM on a Friday night she had little to no self-control and found herself pulling open her laptop and typing Totally Dramatic in the search bar on Safari.

Almost immediately, the faces of her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend take over her screen, with the text underneath that’s all too hard to miss — Gwuncan Engagement Rumors Confirmed!?

Courtney could feel her the pit of her stomach drop and her heart shatter as it crashed to the ground below her.

It wasn’t that she missed Duncan — she didn’t! It was just that she so good at her job of avoiding Gwen and Duncan’s names like the plague she was blissfully unaware that they had gotten back together.

She would be lying if Courtney said she hadn’t thought of reaching out to Gwen — and shamefully, it would be a lie if Courtney swore she never considered sending a drunk text to Duncan (thankfully, she never had; it was a nightmare just thinking of the embarrassment that would cause) — but always decided against it because of three reasonings; there was no way either would want to hear from her, they hated her guts and Courtney would never allow her dignity to stoop as low as it had during the third season ever again.

But now — now Courtney was sure she would never reach out. Not even a quick Congratulations! text, not a gift basket, not even show up to Gwen’s bachelorette party if she felt bold enough. Courtney was positive that she was reduced to the stalking ex, browsing through both of their Instagrams, watching them mature and fall back in love through their own photographs. It was... strange, to say the least.

What was this feeling that was erupting inside her? It wasn’t jealousy, she had gotten over Duncan months ago, but it wasn’t sadness, resentment or anger, either. It was like the feeling of realizing that, as ironically and unbelievable as it was, the two had grown up without Courtney, and all she could do was watch from a distance. Watch them slowly move on from their memories of Courtney — both bad and good — until the mention of her left both indifferent; Courtney was almost positive that being hated by the two would be less painful than knowing that at one point, they were the closest and best people in her life and now they couldn’t care less on how Courtney was.

Courtney used to watch Gwen paint and draw with such concentration that she was sure she would be held accountable for messing her art up if she just so much as breathed too loudly. The furrow between her brows would deepen and the stormy gray of her eyes would be clouded over with concentration and care, and Courtney found herself wishing that she was as passionate about something as Gwen was of her art. Sure, she had her studies in law, but Gwen’s skills — they were truly beautiful. She used to watch Gwen’s head very thrown back a little when she laughed a little too hard, and how tears would leak from the corner of her eyes from laughter so easily. Or how whenever Gwen dyed her hair again, she would unintentionally run her fingers through it all of the time, leaving Courtney wandering just how soft her hair could possibly be with her double-conditioning. But now she would witness all of Gwen’s happiness through her phone’s screen when she would look up her name on Instagram.

Courtney also used to watch Duncan do so many miscellaneous things that it would be impossible to list them all; like how his eyes would glint with joy whenever he would successfully break a law, a small shot of success and pride to keep him going. Or how, as much as he stated he hated them, always showing great amounts of concern when his friends or family were stressed and immediately began brainstorming how to make them feel better. Or how no matter how tough he pretended to be, when he slept, he just looked so peaceful that it was impossible to find yourself able to avoid falling for him. But now all she’d be seeing of him was his face plastered on a tabloid, probably with his arms around Gwen’s waist.

Maybe she was being overdramatic, but it really was ironic how at one point, she had held them both so close she could feel them breathe but now all she felt was herself slowly becoming more and more insignificant to the two of them, until she was nothing more than just a blurry memory and a face that was hard to recall among others.

Someday in the future, she could already picture herself casually asking Bridgette how Duncan was, since he was still friends with Geoff and DJ, afterall — what would she be expecting? For him to be struggling to make a living and pay rent? For Duncan to be unhappy with his life and relationship? For Gwen and Duncan to experience as much pain as they inflicted on her?

Deep down, she knew the real answer; no matter how many times they’d backstab the other, Courtney just wanted Gwen and Duncan to have the best, even if it killed her to admit it.

A small part of her couldn’t help but wonder if they felt the same about her, too.

And I hope the sun shines

And it's a beautiful day

And something reminds you

You wish you had stayed

You can plan for a change in weather and time

But I never planned on you changing your mind

Maybe one day Duncan would look back on their relationship like Courtney had been doing for months — or maybe, a small part of her hoped, he had been.

All Courtney could hope for was that someday in the future, when Courtney had found peace and Gwen and Duncan were happily moving on to whatever chapter of their lives lied ahead of them, something small would catch Duncan’s eye — a picture of her on the news, a box that reeked of memories of her, even the mere mention of her name — would send him back in time to when they were sixteen and still in love and clueless to the cruel world around them, and maybe a small part of him that he thought died when he was a teenager would blossom again with the wish that he had stayed; they would always be their own biggest what-ifs.

Courtney had planned anything and everything in her life ahead of time; one thing she hadn’t ever expected? Duncan to give up on her and leave her with a last kiss while she still craved for more. And while he had moved on, Courtney was stuck in the past, but that was okay — if he could move on, so could she, and her while that may take time, she was fully prepared to wait it out; she may have been painted as the villain of the story, but she also deserved her happily ever after.

So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don’t know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss

Forever the name on my lips

Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/04/2021 (Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO”, Mimi Webb, Russ Millions & Tion Wayne)

So, we have a #1 debut, and that’s pretty much the only story here in the UK Top 75 as we get a filler week before Demi Lovato, Olivia Rodrigo and Lil Tjay run in and cause havoc. As for now, “Wellerman” is replaced at the top by Lil Nas X’s controversial “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)”, spending its first week at #1 after making pretty sudden gains assisted by the video and alternate versions – the mid-week projection had this at #15. Elsewhere, we just see the fall-out from Bieber. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

It’s a quiet week – only seven new entries, and none from Rod Wave, 24kGoldn or AJR as I had predicted. That doesn’t mean there isn’t some stuff to talk about within the chart, or particularly off of the chart, as we have a fair few drop-outs switching their places with returning entries. In particular, we have Justin Bieber’s “As I Am” featuring Khalid being swapped out for “Anyone” at #25, as well as drop-outs for “Arcade” by Duncan Laurence – slightly premature, I’d think – and all of Lana Del Rey’s songs from last week. We also “Anxious” by AJ Tracey, “Heat” by Paul Woodford and Amber Mark and “Toxic” by Digga D exit the chart, but the only real notable loss was “34+35” by Ariana Grande ending its 21-week run on the chart. Returning to the Top 75 in its place – which I cover – we have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers of course at #73, as well as “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #72, “You’ve Done Enough” by Gorgon City and DRAMA at #70 (really hope this one becomes a hit) and “Don’t You Worry About Me” by Bad Boy Chiller Crew at #66. In terms of climbers and fallers, we do have some notable gains and losses. For songs travelling down the chart, we have “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G tanking a sharp drop in its third week to #18, “Streets” by Doja Cat shaking off the video gains at #22, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo continuing to collapse at #27, another sharp drop for HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” down to #34 probably due to ACR, which was probably the fate for “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #46. The same probably can’t be said for Drake’s losses, as “What’s Next” is at #40, “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” featuring Rick Ross is at #41 and “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby stalls at #55. We also see falls for “Money Talks” by Fredo and Dave at #50, “Bringing it Back” by Digga D and AJ Tracey at #51, “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix on its way out at #57, “Headshot” by Lil Tjay featuring Polo G and Fivio Foreign down to #61 off the debut (although it’ll rebound thanks to the album as soon as the next week rolls around), “Ready” by Fredo featuring Summer Walker at #62, “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu featuring Drake at #63 and “Day in the Life” by Central Cee at #69. Where it gets interesting are our gains, such as outside the top 40 with “What Other People Say” by Demi Lovato and Sam Fischer which could very well get even higher next week thanks to the album. We also have “Track Star” by Mooski at #53 off of the debut and a couple of tracks entering the top 40 for the first time, those being “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #39 and Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” by Boney M. at #38. Elsewhere in the top 40, we have “Let’s Go Home Together” by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan at #13 and two songs marking their first week in the top 10, those being “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #10, a song continuing to sour on me, and “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S, an EDM song at #8 that I initially mocked for its soulless repackaging but has honestly got me pretty hooked since. I’m excited to see how this one does. For now, however, let’s get on with our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#64 – “Cloud 9” – Beach Bunny

Produced by Joe Reinhart

Beach Bunny is a power pop band who last year released their album Honeymoon on Mom+Pop and it’s basically a modern r/indieheads staple in that it’s an accessible, airy pop-rock record fronted by a woman. It’s not anything unique, really, or different if you look further into it but that’s fine because there’s a lot of vaguely “indie” or music snob releases pushed out every year that miss the charts entirely. It’s a different story, however, when a year later, it gets viral on TikTok and streams its way onto the chart. In that case, we have “Cloud 9” by Beach Bunny, a pretty simple but sweet love song about a guy who just makes her feel a lot better about herself in times where she can’t pick herself up from the rut she’s in. Again, it’s a simple track but enhanced by the wonderful and unique vocal performance from front-woman Lili Trifilo and some pretty great production making sure no guitar lick is missed in this mix, especially in that chorus which is such an ethereal blend of the electric guitar dubs. I would argue that this actually should end at that second chorus even if it ends feeling abrupt as the transition to the final chorus feels a lot less cathartic than it does awkward, especially if the bridge is going to be a simplistic, quirky instrumental meander that doesn’t go far enough to be a guitar solo and hence feels kind of like a worthless addition. As is, this is a pretty great song still, just not the most fully realised once it loses that initial tight surf groove, though I’ll let it pass if we’re going to get rock this good on the charts again. I know this won’t really get more traction for Beach Bunny – or power pop for that matter – but more of this, please.

#52 – “You All Over Me” (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) (Remix) (feat. DaBaby) (Part 2) (Radio Edit) – Taylor Swift featuring Maren Morris

Produced by Taylor Swift and Aaron Dessner

Sadly, this does not feature DaBaby and is not the remix, radio edit or sequel to any previously released song. Jokes aside, I guess brackets are the next big comeback for pop music, which goes hand-in-hands with remixes and re-releases, hence why Taylor Swift is dusting off this leaked Fearless-era cut for a new recording with country singer Maren Morris, who you probably know from her contributions to Zedd’s “The Middle”. Now whilst Swift is a great songwriter, I do often find myself frustrated by how she treads common ground all too frequently without establishing much different with how a song is structured or how it emotionally connects. This is true not just lyrically but especially sonically as of recent, as despite being written in 2008, it has too much in common with the less interesting cuts off of folklore for me to really care that much. That’s especially if Taylor’s going to undercut the clean acoustic guitars with flourishes of harmonica and crow sound effects, showing some genuine intrigue here before refusing to let any of that develop past a couple stray melodies or notes further back in the mix. I’m trying really hard to be compelled by these re-recordings and re-releases of her back catalogue as I do consider myself a fan, but it’s tough to pay attention when any new compositions we get sound like folklore leftovers with Maren Morris only put to use as decoration, much like HAIM on “no body, no crime” – and we already got an album full of folklore leftovers. I’m not a fan of this, sorry – I can see the appeal, and I do think this has enough of a country tinge to it to make it at least somewhat interesting – but this goes in one ear and immediately out of the other.

#48 – “Tonight” – Ghost Killer Track featuring OBOY and D-Block Europe

Produced by Ghost Killer Track and Kenzy

Screw the formalities and screw the analysis because D-Block Europe are back to add another D-Block to their EU collection – and since they’re Londoners, their only – and that’s Paris, and contrary to the British nature, we’ve let French rap chart in the top 50 out of the fact that they collaborated with two of the most comical rappers in British history. They’ve also linked up with producer Ghost Killer Track, also from France, as this is ostensibly his song even if he intends not to prove himself with this dull piano-based beat and oddly-mastered bass and percussion, which are really just DBE staples. Unfortunately, past the initial comedy of that first line in the chorus, neither Young Adz or Dirtbike LB deliver any stupid lyrics or funny inflections, instead just resorting to being as boring as they can in their constant flexing as possible. I guess the French guy here, OBOY, commands a higher energy in his verse if only through his comical “no, no, no” ad-libs, but he’s the only French speaker in an otherwise basic British trap song that I just cannot see the appeal in when we’ve had song after song from these guys for three years now. This won’t be the last we see of cookie-cutter UK rap this week though so brace yourselves for that.

#47 – “Last Time” – Becky Hill

Produced by LOSTBOY

It’s almost as if the charts are trying to send me off to sleep as here we have Becky Hill, a singer hedging the line between a non-presence and mildly annoying, which is arguably more frustrating than downright infuriating as her slightly smokier voice does not sound bad, just lacking in texture in every way, especially if the multi-tracking is going to be this minimal on a royalty-free deep-house beat produced by Getty Images with a pretty worthless drop, a generic and simple melody of piano stabs for major chords, and a whole bunch of reverb on the vocal take... but it still ends up feeling dry as there’s nothing here to quench that thirst for a tighter, bass-heavy house banger or even a more ethereal, dreamy trance track, deciding to stick to a healthy medium of boring and utter garbage. Yes, that was a singular sentence. I’m not awake enough to form a cohesive sentence less than 40 words long, and this new Becky Hill track is just worsening that if anything. Speaking of...

#21 – “Body” – Russ Millions and Tion Wayne

Produced by Gotcha Bxtch

Who’s Russ Millions? He’s Russ. No, not that Russ. British Russ – or Russ Splash, stylised as Russ splash on Spotify and nowhere else. This confusingly-named fellow appeared on the charts a couple times and possibly most famously with “Keisha & Becky”, a song also featuring Tion Wayne that is referenced on this very track. Sigh, I usually like Tion Wayne but even he can’t be bothered to delivery his usual brand of suave charm or sinister menace, instead opting for a more growling but ultimately completely monotone cadence that doesn’t flatter him or Russ, who one of my friends described as sounding like one of the aliens from Toy Story. This is a pretty by-the-numbers drill beat too, and it’s pretty safe to say that neither Russ or Tion Wayne here are going to bother with wordplay, even when they start pretty smoothly trading bars and Tion Wayne goes for a more unique chopper flow in the second verse. This is just not of any note. Once again, speaking of...

#17 – “Good Without” – Mimi Webb                        

Produced by Freedo

I assumed Mimi Webb debuted this high because of a talent show she won or something because I’d never heard her name but instead, she just happened to have a major label deal before her unreleased song just happened to go viral on TikTok and just happened to be supported by one of the women who just happened to be the biggest creator on the platform. Yeah, and this song just happened to be garbage, suffering from every possible millennial pop trope and then some, from the mix dressed rather too overtly in reverb, the ugly guitar pluck, a generic indie-girl voice that you swear you’ve heard before in one of those dreadful piano covers of popular songs they use in adverts, as well as this ballad being undercut by badly-programmed trap percussion. I can tell this label is trying to create somewhat of an Olivia Rodrigo phenomenon from this and I for one am terrified of the Poundland knock-offs to come. Screw this.

#1 – “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Roy Lenzo, Omar Fedi and Take a Daytrip

At least Lil Nas X will bring some passion into this chart week? Well, not really, as when I hear this I recall that Pitchfork review of his EP, a much-maligned critique that featured the ever-so pretentious questioning if Lil Nas X really enjoyed making and listening to music. It reminds me because I think I now fully get it – at least when Lil Nas X was making slap-dash pop rock with Travis Barker or meme-worthy country rap with Billy Ray Cyrus for less than two minutes apiece, there was something invigorating in the execution or at least in concept. That 7 EP is still not a bad debut at all, but this new single “MONTERO”, a long-anticipated record that went from constantly-teased demo to Super Bowl commercial to Satanic-panicked videos of Lil Nas giving Satan a lap-dance to own the conservatives, has the same remote dreariness to it as “HOLIDAY” did late last year. The acoustic, Latin-flavoured guitar loop reminds me of his much better track “Rodeo” from that aforementioned EP that used its energy for similarly lighthearted subject matter but with some genuine energy, a Cardi B feature and a lot less subtle moombahton creeping in. With that said, I can’t say Lil Nas X didn’t try, as his vocal performance, whilst largely insufferable and strained, gives some energy to an otherwise aggravatingly stunted beat, and makes it a lot more infectious than it has any right to be. Content-wise, the song is essentially about a full circle where Lil Nas X becomes increasingly desperate for a man who starts off lonely and in a bad place, and the irony is that Lil Nas gets more explicitly sexual and crazed due to a combination of the LA life-style surrounding him and the fact that he’s simply, for lack of a better term, “down bad”, despite the fact that this guy doesn’t seem particularly desirable. Lil Nas knows this, though, and acknowledges it in the pre-chorus where he outright says that this guy is living the cocaine-addled celebrity life, but not living it right without Mr. Bullriding and Boobies in his life. I’m happy about the video and the outrage it seems to cause not just within conservative spaces but also amongst the hip-hop community, particularly Joyner Lucas, and I’m pretty happy with how out and proud Lil Nas X is about his sexuality, even if it leads to lines like “Shoot a child in your mouth while I’m ridin’”. I’m just really not a fan of this song past its content, which could really be interesting but falls flat with this plucking production that wastes time in barely two minutes with humming interludes. It’s not bad at all, just not for me.

Conclusion

And that concludes our week, and wow, what a bad week this was for new arrivals. Admittedly, it’s a filler week so only “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” will probably last – or at least we can hope as even if I don’t like the song, I still have to give out an Honourable Mention to someone, and it may as well be Lil Nas X trying to put the effort in. Best of the Week easily goes to Beach Bunny for “Cloud 9”, far and away the only good song here, with Worst of the Week also going out pretty easily to Mimi Webb’s “Good Without”, which is the type of soulless, unmemorable garbage that makes pop music look uninspired, and as a person who writes about the charts constantly, it’s a misconception I don’t want proven or revisited. Dishonourable Mention is a toss-up but I guess I’ll give it to Russ Millions and Tion Wayne for that sprinkle of drill disappointment that is “Body”, and that’ll be it for this week. I predict some impact from Demi Lovato, Lil Tjay and especially Olivia Rodrigo next week, but for now, here’s our top 10:

Thank you for reading – sorry for the grouchiness on this one – and I’ll see you next week!

[andcurioser]

So. Let’s talk about Veronica Mars. *deeeeeeeep sigh*

Ok, friends. It’s been a goddamn whirlwind for me. I actually went to the Veronica Mars panel at Comic Con, which I thought was a highlight at the time. They screened the first episode before the panel, and I was all ready to report back to you all that it was real good and to get excited for the new season, but then Hulu had to go and drop the whole damn series during the CC panel, which was a STUPID thing to do (or, at the very least, an extremely stupid thing to announce to the panel at Comic Con - the exact people who would not be able to watch it until after Comic Con, putting them at risk for some really big fucking spoilers. It’s genuinely surprising to me how little the people who are in charge think about these things. If you want to do a surprise drop (which, why, but whatever), sure, go and do it, but definitely don’t announce it to a room full of people who can’t enjoy it and expect them to be excited??). But regardless. That was just a wtf moment. I was still filled with enthusiasm and excitement and happiness that this show was back and seemed to be in good form. 

Oy. 

Cut to Tuesday morning. I got back from Comic Con on Sunday night, and life goes on, so of course I hadn’t watched 8 hours of TV by Tuesday at 7AM. Which is precisely when my dear friend, whom I adore, but who is apparently an idiot, texted me about how terrible that VM ending was and how upset she was. Now, because I’m a good friend and I know what she likes and we’ve discussed VM at length, it took me all of four seconds to know the gist of what happens in the end. I didn’t know the how or why, but I certainly knew the what. Cue fun spikes of anxiety and random bursts of rage, because what the fuck. Truly, what the fuck. But I placed my certainty at 99% and hopelessly clung to the 1% chance that I was wrong, knowing full well that I wasn’t. This obviously completely stymied any excitement I had for the show, and I dragged my heels for a full month before finally finishing the goddamn show just to get it over with. And now we’re here. 

I’ve had a month to ready myself for what I knew was coming. It was both a blessing and a curse, since while it pretty thoroughly ruined my good time, it also meant that I wasn’t totally blindsided by that ending. And man, I would have been blindsided, because there was Z E R O reason for that. None. And now I’ve read all the articles in which Rob Thomas tries to explain his reasons, and they’re all nonsense. Absolute idiocy. All I see is a guy who always, always resented the fans for loving a character he didn’t want us to, who tried and tried to redirect us to one of his preferred creations without success, and just when I thought he’d finally accepted defeat, he pulls the most nonsensical of fuckery just to finally win the battle. Fuck you, RT, forever and always. I can’t fucking believe that I allowed myself to think you’d finally seen the light. What a ridiculous fool I was for giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

Since I knew what was coming, I could look for the signs all throughout the season. So I searched for foreshadowing, or at least a narrative through-line. And let me tell you: there isn’t one. The season finally, rightfully seems to address Veronica’s deep-set trauma and trust issues but treats them like a problem and not a secret superpower, and it seemed like the show might expect Veronica to grow up along with the viewers who’ve aged 15 years since the first season? I was excited to finally have Veronica be the problem in a relationship, frankly. It was hinted at with Piz, but glossed over because there was only so much time in the movie, but it was realistic for her to have some trouble adjusting to a long-term, committed relationship, and I was excited to see that journey! I thought it was such an interesting path to go down, watching Veronica grapple with what she wants (or maybe just thinks she wants) vs. what she’s always known, or thought she knows. Lots of stuff there! Good stuff! And you get all the way to the end, when she’s finally decided to try. It isn’t fixed, it isn’t perfectly, she’s definitely got a long way to go, but she’s taken a few tentative steps into an uncertain future. And all of a sudden, quite literally, boom. It’s all gone. 

Listen. I was never going to be a fan of getting rid of Logan. However they chose to do it, it would always feel wrong. I have never trusted Rob Thomas to handle Logan well, because he’s always had this undercurrent of anger in every interview I’ve read, this frustration that people love and respond to Logan when he wanted them to love Duncan! Then Piz! Then anyone else! His creations took on a life of their own, and RT hated it. RT was one of the ultimate examples of writers/show runners who were simply watching a completely different show than the rest of us. I could never understand how he wrote such interesting stuff for Logan but didn’t want us to root for him. It never made any sense. But I didn’t think he would sabotage his own show this thoroughly. 

Because here’s the thing: I was never going to like him getting rid of Logan, but I could have understood it. I could have gone along with it if it had been done right. Frankly, the way it was building, it wouldn’t have been a surprise, nor would it even have been a bad choice, to have Logan break up with Veronica at the end of the season. And if RT couldn’t handle Veronica not being the aggressor, fine, make Veronica do it. She decides she isn’t willing to put in the work to change that Logan needs from her, and she ends it. Fine. Could work, at least for a few seasons. Let her deal with the loss, knowing it was something she chose, and see how it affects her priorities as she continues on. Certainly could be interesting! 

You know what isn’t interesting? This. This is the only - the ONLY - plotline that’s a watered down repeat of a previous story. Veronica Mars, traumatized and hardened by the shocking loss of someone close to her? Quite literally, been there, done that. I know RT has been trying to recapture the magic of season one for every season and iteration since, but just repeating the storyline? Really, really missing the mark. There isn’t anything new that can be added to this. We’ve done this. This will only ever be a pale imitation, a tacked-on sequel hitting the same beats with less force. Lilly was a fantastic inciting incident that yielded a tight, well-thought-out season arc. But why would we want to start over 15 years later? What’s to be gained from this? Literally ANY other ending would have yielded multiple storytelling options, branching out with so many possibilities on where the characters could go. This is the only one that simply slams doors shut. 

The few supporters of this ending I’ve seen around the interwebs keep saying things like “this show wouldn’t work if Veronica was happy!” Hell, Rob Thomas is saying the same thing. And to that idiocy, I can only say 1. of course it would, if you write it well, dumbass, and 2. if you think Veronica getting married immediately = happiness, well, what the hell show were you watching? The marriage, much as it could represent a step forward, was still VERY CLEARLY a huge, impulsive jump that was more a reaction than a measured decision. And that was something I was looking forward to seeing. Fresh off of a near-death experience and a renewed assurance of her love for Logan, Veronica marries him thinking that’s the end of their troubles, only to realize that it’s just another complication. Now Veronica has to deal with the new experience of having no quick exit strategy. All the problems they had throughout the season still exist, thinly covered by the veil of newlywed bliss, and she has to reconcile her happiness with her frustration and uncertainty. Logan still disappears at the drop of a hat because of his job. She still puts herself in danger for the case and uses loved ones and acquaintances alike to her full advantage. They hide things from each other. They love fiercely, they trust the other with their own lives but can’t trust each other to take care of themselves. Doesn’t this sound like a complicated, tumultuous relationship full of narrative possibilities? 

Well, forget it, because why break new ground when you could retread old storylines? Yeah, that’s what we all want. Great job, RT. So smart. 

Something that keeps bothering me is that if RT didn’t want Logan around as the happy husband at home but didn’t want to write more relationship drama between them? He already had the perfect excuse to ship Logan off for entire seasons at a time. Look, Logan’s deployed, oh no, he can’t even skype, he’s undercover! Cool, problem solved. No more Logan, but in a way that still maintains possibilities for the future should we want them. Ideal. Again, options. All you want are places for your narrative to go. Multiple roads it could take so it doesn’t become predictable. 

This is predictable. This is boring. This is trite. Our heroes, struck down in their highest moment of happiness. Holy fuck, it’s dull. It doesn’t feel edgy. It feels derivative, a tired rehash of a narrative structure that should have gone out of vogue ten years ago. The whole thing just exhausts me at this point. 

And I’ve read Rob Thomas’s justification for why he did it. They’re all flimsy, but if he wants to go do a Sherlock-style, Ms. Marple mystery series, flitting in and out as he pleases, fine. It won’t be the worst show in the world. Veronica’s still a fun and interesting character, and I’ll always enjoy watching her. But removing her from Neptune, and more importantly, removing her from all of her meaningful relationships, takes away what made this show special. The new version RT is pitching could be fun enough. But it’ll still be just one in a long, long line of mystery shows that don’t have much claim to my emotional investment. I might watch, but I’ll forget about it the second it’s over. It certainly won’t be the kind of show with a fanbase that will still be interested in watching more 15 years from now. Rob Thomas won’t be getting one of those again. 

So yeah, that’s that. I have much more to say, but really I just wanted to get this rant out so I can put it all behind me. I learned long ago that I can’t trust shows and showrunners, and it’s a lesson I learned partly, if significantly, from Rob Thomas. I suppose it’s on me for letting my guard down, but I guess my hope got grandfathered in from an age when I didn’t immediately mistrust the things that were supposed to make me happy. I’ll know better next time. 

[jovialyouthmusic]

Past Times

A Period Drama featuring an ancestor of Bastien Lykel 

Elizabeth receives another offer for her hand in marriage after she breaks off her engagement with Duncan

Word Count 3458

A/N you might imagine that there is no hanky panky here in Recency Scotland - so no warnings, but eventually it will be NS*W

2 A New Suitor

The following morning Elizabeth rose, and Jane came to help her dress again. She had chosen her second best dress – not the one she wore for the dinner parties, one that was suitable to be seen out in polite society without being showy. Jane laced her into her bodice, and she thanked fortune that she lived in an age where clothes were a little less restricting. Only a couple of decades ago, well bred ladies wore skirts so wide that it was difficult to move freely through doorways, with huge ornate powdered wigs. Gowns were now made in thinner more delicate material and showed off the natural shape of the body, which meant that it was important to wear undergarments that preserved a lady’s modesty, with laced bodices, petticoats and long bloomers that largely hid the shape of the wearer’s legs. The bodice did, however, tend to show off the breasts, pushing them up to present a pillowy cleavage. However, Elizabeth’s décolletage was not overly revealing, as befitted a young unmarried woman. Her hair was swept up with ringlets cascading around her face, tendrils of hair escaping to give a more natural look than the wigs that had until recently been in vogue.

That morning, she and her sister had the French master visit. It was an extravagance to teach a foreign language to girls and war with the French loomed on the horizon, but her father thought it showed their gentility. Elizabeth wore a pinafore over her clothes to preserve them should she be untidy with pen and ink, or drop food or drink on her clothes at luncheon.

Truth be told, she had little appetite, and picked at her food at the dinner table.

‘Oh Lizzy.’ said her mother, exasperated ‘Do eat something, you do not want to be eating like a stable hand when we serve afternoon tea to the Captain.’ It was considered proper for young well bred ladies to eat sparingly, and Elizabeth sighed.

‘I am not hungry, mother.’ she protested. ‘I confess I feel a little apprehensive for this afternoon.’

‘Tish girl, the Captain would not have asked to visit you if he did not like you.’ she scoffed. ‘You already know what topics of conversation are appropriate, for you have already been courted. I’m sure all will be well.’

Time dragged, and Elizabeth sat in the front parlour and her mother again bid her see to her embroidery, to show off her skills. Her sister was banished to the nursery upstairs, but Elizabeth knew she would most likely be pressed to the railings of the stairwell when her visitor arrived.

Lady Charlotte stood at the window, and exclaimed when a carriage stopped outside the house. She put down her embroidery, artfully putting it on display as if she had casually put it down.

‘He is here – sit, Lizzy, do not appear too eager.’ Elizabeth’s heart fluttered in her ribcage as she waited agonising minutes until she heard a knock at the door, followed by muffled conversation as Walker received the Captain.  He came to the door at last and knocked faintly.

‘What is it, Walker?’ her mother cried out clearly, motioning her daughter to stand as Walker opened it and stood in the doorway. Elizabeth smoothed down her dress and composed herself, mouth dry and stilling her trembling hands. Lady Charlotte’s maid, Betsy, sat quietly in the corner by the window, ready to act as chaperone when her mistress left the room.

‘Begging your pardon, Lady Charlotte, Captain Lykel has come to visit.’

‘Thankyou – send him in please.’ It was only seconds before the Captain stepped in, dressed smartly in black knee height leather boots polished to a shine, breeches tucked in, a blue waistcoat buttoned over his white loose sleeved shirt, a dark blue ruffled cravat at his neck covering a high collar, a short light grey jacket with tails completing his ensemble. He had already taken off his greatcoat and hat and given them to Walker for safekeeping. All were immaculate, clean and crisp, showing off his broad shoulders and lean waist. He bore an elaborate carved white cane to assist him with his injured leg.

His gaze flickered to Elizabeth for a moment before he stepped forward to take her mother’s hand and kiss it.

‘Lady Charlotte, I trust you are well.’ She inclined her head graciously.

‘I am indeed, Captain Lykel, and hope you enjoy good health too.’

‘Thankyou - that I do, Lady Charlotte.’ he replied, let go of her and turned to her daughter.

‘Miss Elizabeth, how pleasant to see you. I fear it has been some while since last I visited.’ She dropped into a deep curtsey, and he took her hand to help her up again. He did not kiss it however, as that would not be proper. As it was, an electric tingle travelled up her arm that she had not felt from Duncan, and she had to catch her breath. The Captain’s dark eyes captured hers and she felt her heart flutter as she saw a warm smile on his face.

‘Good afternoon Captain Lykel.’ Thankfully her voice was steady as she replied. ‘I seem to recall the last occasion was one of my father’s dinner parties. How lovely to see you today.’

‘Please, won’t you be seated.’ her mother said politely, indicating a chair by the fire, lit against the chill of the early spring afternoon.

‘Thankyou, but before I do.’ he said, reaching inside his waistcoat and producing a brown paper package ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I brought something for Miss Elizabeth.’ Her eyes widened and her mother frowned slightly. ‘It’s a book.’ he explained ‘Last time we met, Miss Elizabeth professed a love of poetry, and I found this in my father’s study.’ Her mother nodded, indicating that she approved, and Elizabeth couldn’t help smiling as he handed it over to her. Their fingers brushed and she felt that same tingle again. She looked up at him, noticing how the corners of his eyes crinkled with the faint smile he gave her.

She took the seat opposite the one offered to her guest, the warmth of the fire challenging the heat in her cheeks as the blood rushed there. The Captain sat on the edge of the well upholstered chair, leaning on his cane.  Elizabeth untied the string that held the package together and unwrapped the brown paper to reveal a slim volume, bound in fine leather, the title embossed in gilt. ‘Poems by Andrew Marvell.’ were the words she read. He leaned forward a little more.

‘I think you will enjoy them.’ he said ‘Perhaps we could read one together another time.’

‘This is a rare work.’ she breathed. ‘I have heard his poems read but have no copy of my own. I will treasure it.’ She opened the book to read the inscription.

To Miss Elizabeth MacVeigh.

Read these words and think of me.

Captain John Lykel.

Her heart made a little flip. Books such as these were precious, and he had marked it for her, so anyone who might read it in years to come would wonder who she was and why she had merited such a gift. She leafed to the table of contents and read the titles of the poems. One leapt out at her ‘To His Coy Mistress’ and felt the blood rush in her ears and her cheeks burn. She looked up at him with a shy smile and saw the corners of his mouth twitch upward.

‘I believe I am needed in the kitchen to attend to afternoon tea.’ Lady Charlotte said ‘Please excuse me.’ Sitting in the corner, Betsy made her presence known by coughing discreetly to make plain her role as chaperone.

‘Miss Elizabeth, I don’t have to tell you that I was not distressed to hear that your engagement to Duncan was cut short.’ the Captain said in a low voice when her mother had left the room.

‘We had a difference of opinion as you may well know.’ she replied ‘I have not seen him since that night you came to dinner, and for that I am grateful.’

‘And I am grateful that you agreed to see me.’ he replied ‘I seem to remember we had some interests in common on that occasion.’

‘Indeed.’ she smiled back ‘I am fascinated by far off lands, and you have had the opportunity to visit them.’

‘I fear many times we reached a foreign port I only saw it from the sea and rarely got ashore – but each time I did manage to get foot on land it was a delight to discover new things.’

‘I have travelled very little myself. Of course I grew up on my father’s country estate and we have only recently moved to the city, but otherwise I have visited family in Scotland and have only gone across the border to England to see the delights of the Lakes in Cumberland.’

‘Did you indeed? I confess I have never visited the area, is it pleasant?.’

‘It is very picturesque, and the few times I have ever ventured on a boat was onto the lake at Windermere. The countryside is very pretty there, with hills stretching into the distance. It does not rival our own dear highlands but it is something to behold.’ The two of them spoke of places they had visited for a little while before there was a soft knock at the door and Jane bought in refreshments. The best china was put out for tea, and there were plates of small cakes and buttered scones.

‘This looks delightful.’ the Captain observed. Elizabeth’s hand shook a little as she poured from the elegant long spouted teapot and added a dash of milk for him. He eschewed sugar, and she had just a little to calm herself. Her mother had spent some time instructing her in the proper way to genteelly serve the beverage, and she was relieved to have managed it without spilling any, or damaging the fine china.

They sipped politely together, then sampled the little cakes, spiced with nutmeg and cinnamon. Before she realised it, one of the little plates was empty, and she looked at it with horror, unable to remember who had the last one – it was only polite to leave the last for one’s visitor. The Captain seemed to understand her dilemma and spoke softly.

‘You have a good appetite, Miss Elizabeth.’ he said ‘That is a good thing, for I declare the custom for young women to eat only tiny morsels of food cannot be healthy, and it shows how restrained by the customs of society they are. I like to see folk enjoy their food.’

‘Thankyou.’ she replied, relieved. ‘I have to confess my mother warned me against eating like a farm hand and bolting my food.’ He smiled in amusement and sympathy.

‘You show a good balance between politeness and gluttony, have no fear.’ he assured her. ‘You showed your true nature, and that is also good, for I would know your character.’  Elizabeth felt herself blush under his scrutiny, but it was not a bad thing for she also wished to know him better. After that, they made short work of the other refreshments and the conversation flowed easily, her nerves diminishing as time went on. All too soon their allotted time was almost over.

‘I see the hour is late.’ the Captain remarked. ‘May I say how much I have enjoyed our time together, Miss Elizabeth. I hope you will allow me to visit again.’ She was about to speak when he raised his hand to quiet her. ‘I will not press you to give me an answer straight away. Please take a little time to decide whether you might agree.’

‘On the contrary, I would like it very much.’ she said, hoping she was not being too forward. In truth, she felt far more at ease with him than she ever had with Duncan. She always had the feeling that he was being polite and indulgent, and he had rarely asked her opinion. The Captain had treated her far more like an equal, and the little thrills she had experienced when they touched had been exhilarating. The Captain broke into a broad smile.

‘I am delighted to hear that, but I will leave you time to make up your mind – should you change it, please let me know. Otherwise, if that is your true opinion, perhaps next time we might step out together if the weather is fine. I fear my own town residence is but small and hardly suitable for polite company, though I am currently looking for a larger place to rent.’

‘That is interesting, perhaps you should ask father if he knows of anywhere suitable.’

‘I may well do that if I chance to meet him, or enquire should he be within if I am permitted to visit you again.’ There was a soft knock on the door, and Lady Charlotte entered, to see the two young people standing saying their goodbyes.

‘Your carriage has returned, Captain Lykel’ she said ‘I hope you found the refreshments to your taste.’

‘Indeed I did, Lady Charlotte.’ he bowed before turning back to Elizabeth, taking her hand and squeezing it gently, bowing so that his lips almost, but not quite, touched it. She felt his breath warm on her skin, and it elicited that intriguing tingle again. ‘I do hope you will have me again.’ he said softly. He gave her mother a bow and went out into the vestibule, where Walker waited with his hat and greatcoat. Elizabeth stood at the window to watch him get into his carriage. Before he did, he turned and looked back at the window with a smile and a small gesture of farewell. She felt her heart skip a beat and stepped back, fearful that it might be seen as too forward to return the gesture.

‘Well child, tell me how it went.’ her mother interrupted as she watched the carriage drive away.

‘It was very pleasant.’ she smiled ‘I like him more than my previous admirer. He is considerate and the conversation was agreeable.’

‘So you wish to see him again? What did you say regarding a return visit?’

‘I said I might like it, but he said he would not take my decision and would give me time to decide.’ She wanted to say more, but didn’t want to appear too eager.

‘That is most proper.’ her mother replied.

‘He suggested that we might walk out if he is permitted to come again.’ Her mother frowned slightly.

‘That would mean being seen by others and might be construed as an interest in an engagement, which is a little soon after your previous attachment.’ Elizabeth’s heart sank slightly, and her mother saw it on her face. ‘I think you should wait a little longer before stepping out, but I think if you wish to tell him he may visit again, you may. I will check with your father to make certain he approves.’ Elizabeth sighed. She had waited a long time to see her admirer, and it seemed she would have to wait again. Her mother saw her dismay.

‘There there Lizzy, these things should not be rushed. Have patience, once you are wed it will all be done and over and you might wish to see these carefree days again.’

‘I only wish to know how long I may have to wait.’ she said forlornly ‘Life seems dull without something to look forward to.’

‘Well, we may perhaps go to the assembly rooms. You need not dance, but you may watch, or perhaps one of our acquaintances will have a music recital. I do recollect there is a concert coming up soon but I cannot recall the details. I will look into it for you, my dear.’ Elizabeth brightened up.

‘Perhaps the Captain might also attend such a concert.’ she said eagerly. ‘Although we did not discuss our musical tastes.’ Her mother laughed

‘I hope you are not expecting all your amusements to include your admirer.’ she said. ‘It is well to enjoy oneself simply with friends or family.’

‘Of course Mother, you are right.’ she sighed. ‘I will be patient.’

‘Good girl. I hope you did not eat too many of the cakes, cook will be serving supper at the usual time.’

‘I made sure to leave some for Amelia, though I think perhaps cook may also have done so.’ Elizabeth had remembered her younger sister, who must still be in the nursery waiting to be summoned.

‘How kind of you my dear, you can take a plate up to her in the nursery, I daresay she will want to hear how your visit went.’

A few moments later, Elizabeth climbed the stairs to the second floor. The nursery was so called, but in reality it was more of a school room as the two sisters were only three years apart in age.

‘Lizzy!’ squealed Amelia .‘How was the Captain?’ I couldn’t see him from up here, and when I looked out of the window as he left I could only see the top of his head. Did you swoon when he greeted you?’

‘Silly goose, of course I didn’t. Here, we left some cakes for you.’ She put the tray she carried down on one of the writing desks.

‘Oh, delicious!’ Amelia cried, and fell on them with glee ‘Did you serve tea or did Betsy?’

‘I did.’ Elizabeth replied. ‘Mother put out the best china. I was so scared I would drop and break something, but it all went well.’

‘Oh you are so lucky, I’ve never even touched the best china.’ Amelia had always loved playing at tea parties, and as a little girl she had begged to be allowed to use the china to serve her dolls. More often than not, however, she had to improvise with whatever came to hand – when they lived in the country she would use leaves or acorn cups as improvised plates and cups. She was ecstatic once when she was allowed a chipped cup to play with. Elizabeth was less feminine and preferred climbing trees and exploring the fields. She had mastered more socially acceptable skills as she grew older – music, embroidery, singing and dancing were expected of her and she did well at all she attempted, but she longed to travel.

‘You’re eating those far too fast.’ frowned the older girl. ‘you mustn’t appear coarse.’

‘I know, I know, but it’s just you and me, Lizzy.’ she said through a mouthful of cake. Her face fell. ‘Whatever will I do when you are married? I’ll be all alone with only Mama and Jane to talk to.’

‘Hush Amelia, that will be a while yet, and by that time you may have your eye on a young man yourself, and be practising with the second best china. You’ll be able to visit me if I’m close, I’m sure – and if we are further apart you may stay a while. You have friends here you can visit – young Anabelle Beaumont is your bosom friend.’

‘But she lives two whole streets away.’ Amelia pouted ‘And you’ll get fat and have babies, and the babies will be noisy and cry all the time and you won’t have time for me.’

‘Amelia!’ Elizabeth scolded. ‘It’s not polite to speak of such things.’

‘But it’s true.’ she wailed. ‘You’ll be somewhere else, and looking after your children, and having d-dinner parties w-without meee…’ she was weeping now, the cake forgotten, and Elizabeth sighed and embraced her as she sobbed.

‘Not all have babies straight away.’ she said. ‘I hope we will be able to travel before we start a family. I’d like that very much. And I’ll always remember my baby sister, have no fear. You’re pretty and accomplished - it is you who will be paying so much attention as to which young man you like that it will be you who forgets me.’

‘Do you mean that?’ her sister sniffled. ‘You promise you won’t forget me?’

‘I told you all this when Duncan was visiting.’ she explained gently. ‘And yes, I promise, cross my heart.’

‘I know, but it’s different now. You go all sparkly eyed when you talk about the Captain – you never did with Duncan.’

‘Do I?’

‘Mhhm hmm.’ she replied.

‘Well, that’s as maybe. Now dry your eyes and we can practice that song Monsieur le Blanc taught us the other day – I’ll play the piano and you sing.’ Elizabeth smiled at her sister and the two girls went downstairs to the parlour to pass the time until supper.

[marshunter06]

Sad Bitch- Łaszewo (Trentney)

A/N: Sorry I’ve been absent, but my brain has been a bitch lately... I never imagined I would be writing a fic like this, but I had to get it out. The reason why I do have such a soft spot for Trentney is because I have a Trent in my life to keep me grounded and I’m so grateful for him

To be a good artist means one must be burdened with great suffering especially at the hands of oneself. This may not apply to all the arts and typically not with singers, but Courtney understood this more than anyone in the industry. It was never her intention to be this way, dissociating while her manager tried to plan her next move, but the weight of her own thoughts were just too much to carry. Back when Total Drama was still a thing, she hid her depression well, she often exploded into anger to keep people out. No one would dare befriend a fiery volcano just waiting to erupt, no one besides him at least. With a touch of his hand, she was brought back to reality to listen to the meeting with their label. His smile and bright green eyes soothed her dark thoughts away briefly, enough to put on her persona as a successful pop princess. His hand stayed put, right next to hers barely touching. It brings a warm feeling into her heart and soon she’s lost in a daydream with him as the focus. Still the sadness starts to ease into her thoughts making doubts plague her mind. Was she foolish with possibly falling for her best friend? Was it smart to trust Trent with her heart so soon after her final breakup with Duncan? Would it even be the final breakup? Duncan, the name still leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. She still remembers everything about their failed relationship, every callous word thrown at each other without regard for the other’s feelings. A primes example of two toxic people made for each other. Their love always sizzled out leading to another prison both were too familiar to let go of. What happened to the young her who welcomed every change with a light in her eyes? Courtney doesn’t know when her old self died only to be reborn into a shell of who she was before, but when she finally realized what happened, it was too late.

“Court, you’re home.”

She blinks once then twice wondering when she got into his car. Her scenery magically changed from a corporate office to her newly purchased home.

“Here, I’ll walk you inside. I think I forgot my guitar pick anyways.”

“The silver one?”

“Yeah, did you find it?”

“No, I’ve been busy, sorry. It should be in the studio though.”

He simply smiles as he walks around to open her door; he doesn’t call her out on her obvious lie. She wasn’t busy, he’s been there with her as her demons pull her away from the real world, she just stares into nothingness. He tries to pull her out of it when possible, usually a nudge will do it, but sometimes the demons are too powerful to keep at bay for long. Lately it’s been worse. They’ve had to reschedule the label meeting several times already. He knows she’s heading down a dark path, it’s why he’s been making excuses to stay over despite him living an hour plus away due to LA traffic.

“Found it, you were right, it was on top of the piano.”

“Oh? Glad it’s not missing anymore, thanks for bringing me back by the way.”

“‘Course, can’t leave my fav girl stranded.”

“I would’ve been fine, really. You can go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Is that a promise?”

“I never break my promises.”

He only hesitated slightly then nodded bidding her goodnight. It was already late, the moon high above the sky with stars twinkling around the crescent shaped light. He was almost out the door when he turned back to tell her to look outside.

“The moon is beautiful tonight.”

“You tell me this every night.”

“And I mean it everytime.”

“We couldn’t even see it a few nights ago.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not still beautiful.”

“Trent, I think you’ve been awake for too long. Get some sleep tonight.”

“You too. I’ll call when I get home, so you don’t worry.”

“You can just text me, I’ll still be up.”

“It’s better to hear your voice.”

“You hear it all the time, you should be sick of it.”

“You’re kidding right? I get the honor of listening to the greatest singer of our generation, how could I ever pass that opportunity up?”

“Are you talking about yourself again?”

This gets both of them to smile, he knows he’s succeeded in pushing away her sorrow for a moment. It won’t last long though, they both knew this. She can only hope she doesn’t call him crying again tonight. He’s been losing sleep because of her, still he never complains.

After he leaves, she tries her best to get ready for bed. She gets distracted a few times, just managing to slip under her covers by the time Trent calls her letting her know he made it home safely. She keeps the conversation short telling him she’s tired, he wishes her sweet dreams as she tells him good night. She lays in bed tossing and turning until she’s on her side facing her window with the just a glow of the moonlight seeping into her dark room. She closes her eyes willing sleep to take over, but her brain runs wild bringing her further into its abyss.

You’re going to be sad and alone forever.

Trent doesn’t love you, no one does, you couldn’t even keep Duncan.

Your parents are ashamed of you, you’re the reason they divorced.

Cate’s won’t talk to you because you’re too much to handle, your own sister hates you.

You’re only famous because no one’s caught on that you’re talentless yet, the whole world will shun you soon.

The only reason you have hits is because Trent’s the one writing the songs, when he leaves you’ll be nothing.

What’s it like being a hurtful bitch getting karma like you deserve?

Honestly Courtney, you’re pathetic, why do you even try? No one likes a sad bitch.

Everyone’s tired of how whiny you are, just stop with your lame excuses, who cares if you didn’t get sleep?

The self hatred goes on and on until she’s drowning in negative energy. She’s suffocating and breathing isn’t helping, she can’t take in air fast enough, the room feels too confined. She needs to get up and get out, but she can’t, she’s trapped. Tears stream out of her eyes as her body continues to be paralyzed, her heart is erratic and she can barely breathe. It’s too much, the walls are caving in and she can’t do anything to stop it. She closes her eyes again trying to fight back with happy thoughts, but she fails again and again as her mind continues to tell her how useless she is. She’s losing the battle, she just wants it to be quiet, but her thoughts ring loud and clear with every word cutting into her soul. Pain, so much pain leaving invisible scars all over her. If she waits long enough she’ll blackout from the pressure, she just has to focus on her breathing. In then out, in then out, she can do this, she promised she could…

Her eyes snap open and she’s able to move once more. Her first thought is to call him, she should’ve just asked him to stay. She’s always felt better in his arms, his regular heartbeat bringing her back to earth. Why didn’t he fight harder to stay this time? Was he really sick of her too? He’s just like the others, he can’t handle her. The kindest person she’s ever met and even he’s exhausted being near her. The misery takes over and all she wants is to drown herself in alcohol and cigarettes. All bad habits she learned from her ex, though to be fair, she didn’t take much persuading. She’s always known she has an addicting personality, it’s why she tried to stay sober, but she needed an escape. A bottle or two of wine wouldn’t be too bad. It was with this thought in mind that she decided to go into the living room for her secret stash of sherry’s. She rounds the corner heading to her hidden cabinet when she spots it: a silver guitar pick on the coffee table. She stops dead in her tracks.

“Trent.”

She sits on the ground as she cradles the pick rubbing over the letter “T” confirming it was his. She feels restless as she continues to stare at the precious item left behind for her sake. He knew. He must have. Why else would he leave the pick again? She closes her palm and holds it close to her chest, she has an overwhelming urge to do something. She wants to go to him, so she does, she doesn’t bother with a jacket, she simply follows her heart running out in the dead of night. She’s out the door in a flash clearly not thinking as she leaves her car behind and doesn’t lock her door. All she knows to do is keep moving forward as she jogs into a sprint. The cold air hits her bare arms and legs, but she isn’t bothered.

She makes it a block before her brain catches up telling her this is a bad idea; she starts to spiral down in her thoughts again. Do you even know where you’re going Courtney? You’re such an idiot, you just moved. How do you know the way to his house already? He obviously doesn’t want you to disturb him, he’s never invited you over since you moved. Stop with your delusions, Trent doesn’t like you, he only puts up with you because you work together. What are you going to do now? You’re lost. You’re going to lose him just like how you lost everyone else in your life. Face it Courtney, you’re just a loser. All you do is waste time.

She collapses on the hard concrete scraping her knee in the process. She nearly drops the pick in her hands as she hides her face with tears streaming down her cheeks. She doesn’t know what to do and now she’s blinded by a bright light. She drops her hands, it wasn’t the moonlight nor the streetlight, so it must be a headlight. It’s the middle of the night, no one should be out driving in this neighborhood. She should get up and go back home, but she’s lost the strength. She’s not even slightly afraid as the car approaches closer. It slows to a stop right next to her as she continues to stare forward. She doesn’t hear him when he calls out to her. She’s tired and cold, all she wants to do is close her eyes. She opens her eyes when she feels a warm jacket draped over her engulfing her in a familiar scent.

“Sorry I’m late, didn’t realize you wanted to go jogging.”

“Trent?”

“Hey Court.”

He says her name with a smile, he doesn’t question her on why she was out in her pajamas at nearly three in the morning sitting on the ground. He helps her up and into the passenger seat as he drives them back to her place. He doesn’t yell at her, his voice is calm and gentle when he tells her she’s home. She removes her seatbelt and that’s when she notices the duffel bag in the back seat. He catches her gaze explaining immediately even though he would never ask her to tell him what went wrong.

“It’s just some spare clothes. I was going to leave it in the car. I figure I might be here a while since we’re going to start on the new album tomorrow… or today rather.”

“You can bring it inside. I don’t mind.”

“You sure?”

She nods. He smiles at her again as he grabs the duffle in one hand with the other holding hers as they walk back inside her place. He doesn’t scold her on leaving her door ajar and unlocked. Once inside is when he notices the scrape on her knee. He immediately heads to the bathroom to grab the medical kit to help clean her wound. When she’s all patched up, he places a kiss on her bandaid as if it was the most natural thing to do. He notices her surprise.

“Sorry, Mom always did that for me whenever I got hurt. It took the pain away.”

She doesn’t say anything, she just opens her left hand where the pick had been the entire time. He takes it from her understanding that she was okay for now. When he looks at her again she’s overcome with another intense feeling, one that she never thought she would feel again so quickly. Panic starts to rise within as her brain feeds her false information. He pulls her out of the darkness as he wraps his arms around her keeping her safe and secure. The intruding fear leaves as she calms down. She pushes him away when his embrace becomes too much, he scoots over to give her more space.

“Are you ready to go to sleep Court?”

“Almost. I know it’s late, but I want to write for a bit. You can go to sleep first.”

“Inspiration strikes at any time. I’ll stay up with you.”

She pulls out her notebook armed with purple ink as it spills out on the page. He doesn’t interrupt, as she continues to put words on paper. It’s not often that she gets to write herself. She writes down all her haunting thoughts and with each line she feels a bit more healed. It’s therapeutic in a way, she wonders why she never did this in the first place, it would’ve saved her a lot more heartache. She passes him the notebook when she’s finished, he scans through the words until he reaches the end. He looks back up at her with a smile and a promise.

We've all been hurt before

If all's fair in love and war

What are we fighting for?

Baby, had the good intentions

Couldn't face another change of direction

Tell me what's the method to your madness

I'm just a fucking sad bitch, show me you can handle it

Save me from my own reflection

I can't take this tight rope tension

Tell me what's the method to your madness

I'm just a fucking sad bitch, show me you can handle it

A/N: This is only a glimpse of how I feel, I didn’t want to make the fic more dark, but it did to write it out. If anyone else is in the same boat know you’re not alone and that you can beat this. I’m still here and you here too.