#dumbass elect said something stupid

[ponycycle]

ggrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。3:37 AM — ITOSHI SAE.

“see? i told you this would be fun,” you hum.

“fun for you, maybe. you get to sit and do nothing. i’m the one driving,” sae gives you a side glare—one that he’s sure you see but elect to ignore in favor of picking the next song on your phone.

if you’d told him half a year ago that he’d be here, giving up sleep to drive you to god knows where in the middle of the night, sae thinks he might have actually laughed—which is something he doesn’t do very often. he’s a bit appalled with himself, truthfully—it’s half past three, way past his usual sleep hours, and he has practice in the morning. yet somehow, he almost thinks he’s having fun.

and then he comes to the daunting realization that he’s really not sure who he even is anymore.

athletes like the itoshi sae need to follow strict regimens. athletes like him need at least eight hours of sleep a day, need balanced diets and a healthy amount of exercise, and need to be level headed and make responsible decisions. athletes like him don’t stay up this late because of one measly pout and a tug to his arm. there’s no reason that sae should be this weak to you, no reason you should hold this much power over him—and yet, in a cruel twist of fate, you do.

you do and you know it, and you’re evil enough that you use it to your full advantage.

“where are we even going?”

“sae, shut up,” you roll your eyes. “why do you always have something to say?”

scoffing, he stops the car at a red light, pressing on the brakes and turning to face you. and he hates to admit it, but the moonlight kissing your skin through the windows makes his heart beat rapidly.

“do you realize i’m sacrificing my sleep for you?” he scoffs at you, looking over at the small patch of skin of your shoulder blade as his shirt droops over your body. he tries not to stare too long—but he fails miserably, and you seem to notice it too.

“quit staring at me,” you smirk, reaching over to pinch his cheek.

he swats your hand away—though gently—and scowls, grumbling under his breath at your supposed claim. you only offer him an amused giggle as he rolls his eyes, and no matter how correct you may be, itoshi sae refuses to admit, even to himself, that he was in fact staring. in his defense, how could he not stare when you look like that in his clothing?

“was not staring at you, stupid.”

“you so were,” you laugh, and he grunts, shaking his head as he rolls his eyes at you unimpressed. it’s a battle that costs him just about all of his self control to not glance down at your lips, but he wins—although miraculously, otherwise, he’d have to hear even more of your teasing, and he doesn’t think his eyes will recover from another round of rolling this time.

“no i wasn’t. that head of yours is too big,” he says, frowning and flicking your forehead at the smug grin you give him. and sae should be asleep, he should be getting enough rest to ensure his optimal performance at practice in the morning so that he can put his teammates efforts to shame—but you said please, and you pouted, and he’s not as strong as he claims to be, although he’ll never admit it.

so now he’s here, and he’s fighting for his dignity as you wiggle your brows playfully at him. but deep down, sae doesn’t think he wants to be anywhere else right about now.

“okay, if you say so,” you snort, “you’ll survive without eight hours of sleep for one day. and by the way, the light’s green now, dumbass. pay attention.”

he hears your giggling as he curses under his breath and presses on the gas pedal, and you slide your hand over his shoulder to play with the hairs at the back of his neck. he pretends to lean back and try to shake your hand off, but you both know it’s his way of leaning further into your touch—so you grant him more of what he craves, rubbing over the back of his neck soothingly as he drives.

“okay, well you’re supposed to be giving me directions, so where do i go now?” he mutters. you shrug, and he groans.

“i don’t know, i’ve been making up directions this whole time. just wanted to drive around. anyway, did you know van gogh’s starry night was painted from his window in an asylum?”

side eyeing you, he purses his lips, rolling his eyes with a heavy sigh. and even if you’ve dragged him out of bed for no reason—on a practice night no less—while he’s supposed to be getting much needed rest, he can’t help but find every annoying little quirk of yours endearing. even this one.

“what does that have to do with anything?” he asks flatly.

and sae is not an easy book to read, he never was—he’s like those difficult words you have to stop and google to understand, or those ridiculous metaphors that only literature teachers care for. but he’s well worth it, you think. he makes you want to skip the pages and jump right to the end, and he’s the kind of story you pray ends happily. and somehow, when he climbs out of bed in his wrinkled shirt and loose sweats, hair tousled and sleep laced in his eyes as he begrudgingly grabs his keys for you—you think maybe you don’t want the story to end at all just yet. or ever.

“just a fun fact, jeez,” you pout. “any soccer fun facts you wanna share?”

“athletes need plenty of sleep to perform their best,” he shoots instantly. you huff, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms at his stubbornness to just admit he enjoys being here as much as you do.

“sae, one of these days you’ll drive me so crazy, i’ll need to be in an asylum myself.”

“one of these days, when i send you to an asylum, maybe i can sleep reasonable hours,” he smirks at you. the soft slap to his shoulder causes him to chuckle in amusement, and you cave and send the softest of grins at his direction.

“you’ll never last a day without me,” you quip, and to your surprise, he smiles a little. it’s gentle—much gentler than you expect from someone like him, and you’re not used to it. but it’s pretty, just like the rest of itoshi sae, and you hope fate permits a few more nights with him by your side, whether it’s in bed as he sleeps or in the car as he drives. maybe, you’ll even dare to hope for an eternity.

“i don’t know,” he hums, and one hand lays gently on your thigh as he drives mindlessly with the other on the wheel, “i think i could manage to squeeze in ten hours of sleep if you were gone,” he adds with smug grin, and even as you scowl at him, you decide right then and there that if itoshi sae isn’t your happy ending, you don’t think you want one. ever.

“you’re rude, y’know that?”

“i’d say driving aimlessly for your stupid whims is rather generous.”

“hmm, maybe,” you murmur, looking at him with a look so sweet, he feels his breath catch in his throat when he peeks at you through the corner of his eyes. and he hopes you don’t notice it, or the way his expression softens too. “love you,” you add quietly, lifting his hand to kiss the back.

“yeah,” he mumbles. “love you too.” you lace your fingers with his, setting his hand back down onto your lap. he squeezes gently, and you squeeze back. “i love it more when you sleep, though.”

i think sae rly likes driving tbh. finds it relaxing and if u play with the hair at the nape of his neck he loves it more. he’s pathetically a loser

[nerdyvocals]

Hi there! @look-at-those-niceass-rocks and I are back on our bullshit with some unhinged movie-night quotes, this time with the first Descendants film. Previously, we've had some shit to say about Rise of the Pink Ladies and Julie and the Phantoms. This is the first actual movie we've watched for these movie-night quotes, so it's a long one. Buckle up, and enjoy the ride!

Bee: "Elected king"? That's not how democracy works.

Bee: How is he inheriting the crown if his dad is still alive???

(Note: For those not aware, hi, I'm a costume designer and technician, I usually have Things To Say about costumes, including the following Several Minute Rant)

Me, two minutes into the movie: PAUSE, okay I have opinions here Bee: Okay? Me: Okay so this is a fitting, right? I appreciate the big stitch lengths, that's accurate, but this should be a mock-up, with muslin! Why is it made of the fashion fabric??? Bee: This is riveting

Me: Why are his sleeves finished off? Where are the pins? Is that a hand back stitch??? Bee: *cackling*

Bee: YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN THE DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS AND DEMOCRACY

Me: Why did they give Ben a bust dart? Does he have tiddies??? Bee: TRANS BEN???

Bee: I'm gonna take a drink every time you go on a costume rant. Me: LISTEN

Bee (@Evie and Mal): So they're lesbians, right? Me: OH HO HO, YOU'D THINK SO WOULDN'T YA

Bee: You said Kenny Ortega did this, right? Me: Yep! Bee: That. SO very tracks.

Evie: *flirting* Bee: Ahhh, performative heterosexuality!

Me: Her love interest is so [HUSBAND]-coded; you're gonna lose your mind

Bee: Ah yep, Kenny Ortega choreography

Bee: IS THAT FUCKING KRISTEN CHENOWETH??? Me: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT???

Both of us, anytime Carlos is on screen: He Baby

Bee: I bet AO3 had a field day with this franchise

Bee: Ohhhh, look at that shitty marching band, let me at 'em- NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE PLAYING THOSE INSTRUMENTS Me: *wheeze*

Bee @ Audrey: Oh THATS a lesbian Me: I COULD GO ON A RANT and I won't until we have more context!

Me: Look, Evie's love interest is a dude but I choose to believe that he's a he/him lesbian so it works

Mal: And I totally don't blame your grandparents for inviting everyone in the whole world but my mother to their stupid christening! Me: Look, christenings were public events! They had to go out of their way to tell Maleficent not to come! Bee: Right! Like it was more work to have someone find her to tell her not to come! She would've stayed away if you just kept your mouths shut! Me: Not to victim blame, but don't fuck with the fae if you don't want the fae to fuck with you Bee: No I'm victim blaming in this one instance, that was fucking stupid

Doug: Hi-ho... Bee: Oh god he is [HUSBAND]-coded

Carlos: Die, suckers! Me: Let Carlos say fuck! Bee: He would say it constantly

Jay: *ninja kick through the door* Bee: Dumbass

Carlos: *trying to help Jay up* Me: *sobbing* He baby!!! Bee: He wants to help his brother!!!

Bee, already tipsy: I think every time we say "he baby" I need to drink water

Me: Hnng I remember being obsessed with Mal's outfits as a 14yo but looking at it now as a costume designer, I can't tell if I still love it or if I kinda hate it. Bee: Lemme take a drink and you elaborate. Me: There's something kinda off-putting about it and I can't tell if it's because it reeks of 2015 Disney Channel-which is not a bad thing!-or if I just don't think the design works. Bee: It looks like they were going for scene but didn't really know what scene was

Me: I think we should also take a drink whenever we say "that's gay"

Both: STOP BEING MEAN TO JANE SHE'S SO CUTE

Ben: *trying to convince Carlos Dude won't hurt him* Me: For the trans!Ben headcanon, I know that's just a weird fuckin' seam on his shirt, but it looks like a binder

Honorable mention: Us constantly screaming at evie that she's allowed to be smart

Bee: Hey, [HUSBAND], Wanna come see a character that's you coded???

Evie: *making clothes* Me: THAT SEWING MACHINE IS SEXY

Me @ Lonnie: I wouldn't call that cool hair Bee: Oh now she's cool, she ripped her skirt

Mal: I think it's time Benny Boo got himself a new girlfriend Bee: Girl he is right behind that door

Mal: *wipes Lonnie's tear* Bee: LOOK AT HER FACE, see that? That was a gay awakening

Me during Did I Mention: Guess what Bee: Huh? Me: That's not him singing Bee: *gasp* They Troy Bolton'ed that man

Bee: There are. Not enough trumpets in this band Me: Nerd

Talking about the Maleficent movie and how I've never seen it Bee: Oh god, you would've been like. 12 Me: Or 13 depending on the time of year! Bee: It came out in May Me: ...Okay yeah I would've been 12 Bee: I can do math! [HUSBAND], distantly: Citation needed! Bee: HEY!!!

Ben: Is this your first time? Bee: HUH???

Me: What was he trying to accomplish here? Like he didn't tell her they were going somewhere they might need swimsuits, was he trying to get her in her underwear??? Bee: If it wasn't a Disney movie I'd say yes Me: Horny teenage boy

Ben: *shirtless on the cliff* Me: Good for him, he's had top surgery since the last scene

Maleficent: Still doing tricks with eggplants? Bee: Idk, ask her husband

After the cover of Be Our Guest Bee: What. Was that. Me: I know Bee: That was so bad! Me: I promise the other covers are better

Me: I hate Mal's costume in this scene Bee: Drink! Me: The purple on her blazer matches too perfectly with her hair, there's no break in the silhouette Bee: Oh yeah, I see what you mean Me: I get what they're trying to do with the lighter palette, but I'd swap the blue and purple, personally

Queen Leah: My daughter was raised by fairies Me: That was your own fault Bee: Nowhere in that curse did it say you couldn't raise her

Insert the TEN MINUTE interlude of me dying over the obscene fit of Ben's suit:

(Please note: A) his jacket sleeve is caught on his elbow, which is what's causing that FOUR INCH exposed sleeve, B) who wears a pocket square and no tie? C) the buttons are STRAINING because the suit hasn't been tailored properly, it's way too small, you're the future king and I expect better from you okay you CANONICALLY have people tailoring your clothes, and while we're on buttons, D) NEVER button both buttons on a suit jacket! If the jacket has two buttons, the top is buttoned and the bottom isn't. If it's three, top is button sometimes, middle is always buttoned, and the bottom is never. Also: Unbutton when sitting or doing physical activity, such as croquet. This has been Levi's useless button PSA)

Honorable mention: I showed my mentor this picture the next day and he gasped like he'd been shot

Jane: He's never gonna make a villain a queen Me: WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU! Bee: WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!

Me: she's not ugly, she just has a fuck ass bob

Bee @ Beast: Oh why'd they give him glasses, now he's hot

Mal: How do you know that?? Ben: because I'm listening to my heart! Bee: Gay Mal: I'm listening to mine too Bee: DOUBLE gay

Bee: I love how you can soo very see all these frozen people moving

Maleficent: *Dragon Time (tm)* Bee: FOUND THE BUDGET

Jane: Guess I did get pretty lucky in the mother department Me: Speaking of mothers can someone please catch the lizard Bee: PLEASE

Side note, my internet was wigging out and the stream kept freezing, particularly during Set It Off Me, struggling with the connection: And what if I cry Bee: Limping toward the finish line Me: What if I cry and commit arson

Mal: You didn't think that was the end of the story, did you? Bee: Well that was fucking ominous We watched Descendants 2 as well!

[celestialmaison]

gentle reminder because it’s almost election time in the united states: voting blue is not the end all be all solution to all american issues at home or abroad. a lot of people (including me) voted for a blue president (biden) the last time there was a presidential election and generally vote blue whenever there are “minor” elections because girl have you watched the news lately??? obviously vote blue … but hey let’s not forget that biden has

- pretty much done nothing to resolve student loan debt (or general american debt) issues

- not done anything significant regarding climate change (it’s oct. 2023 when im typing this if im wrong, correct me please)

- not made any effort to, idk, return abortion laws to all americans (“he can only do so much there’s rules” i don’t fucking care, thanks)

- pledged his support to the ongoing ethnic cleansing and genocide of palestine. continues to pledge his support to israel as of october 26 2023. is on twitter showing his ass the same way trump does. directly giving a thumbs up to the murder of thousands of thousands of people. doesn’t care that he is using american tax dollars to fund child murder and has in fact doubled down on his pov since this started. doesn’t care in generally apparently i can’t believe i voted for him or believed for a second that things would get better and he would be the one to make it happen.

can we maybe get up and recognize that voting blue is not (and probably has not been for a while if ever) what we and others have prophesied it to be?????? even on this shithole (affectionate) where i generally see some of the best internet etiquette about some of the most difficult topics of our lifetimes, people are saying vote blue no elaboration. just a few weeks ago i reblogged something about voting blue. “it’s better than voting red” “it’s the lesser of two evils” “it’s the best option” are you sure about that. why are two colors as far as we can get with conversations about laws and rights and freedoms that concern the lives of millions of fucking people that we’ve never even met. do we not recall that this country was built on black and indigenous slave labor, white supremacy, and indigenous genocide forced migration and ethnic cleansing, all for some “manifest destiny” bullshit because some dumbass was looking for another land, people, and culture to colonize (asia) and found north america by accident??????????? and that this legacy continues to perpetuate american politics regardless of what a candidates political colors are????????

i don’t know how much more of this shit we need to live through before we realize dividing the country by colors (red and blue) and “perceived values” (conservative and liberal) and leaving the conversation at the classic us vs. them is. fucking. stupid. if we can’t understand now after everything biden has done and will probably continue to do that voting blue is not going to save us, i don’t know what will make us understand. i’m twenty-two, black, queer, etc. and im tired of this fucking bullshit. i don’t know how our parents lived through this. i don’t know how anyone lives through this. but us vs. them is what got us into this, and i doubt it can get us out of it.

so when you go vote, please do your research first. i think i’d rather eat rocks or get thanos snapped than vote red, but like i just said, defaulting is part of the fucking issue, so read a thing or two before you pick your person, please. and take care of yourself and your mind or else (there are no consequences i just know we can’t fight the good fight if we all go insane so pls take care out there)(get a little treat do something silly skip responsibility cuddle something take a nap etc.)

and read about how you can support palestine (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sLUKG5HwKtFZZXaPOT3venMDq9PnJ_NM5dFzAhTRt_Q/edit#heading=h.hg4tp0gpsmmu) and please do something to express your support as well. inform, act, and pass it on.

[papirouge]

My ⚪️ aunt wants me (non American, 🟤) to go with her to a women’s march in january. She voted for trump because she thought gas was too expensive and doesn’t understand how tariffs work. now that she regrets her vote and learned that she can’t change her vote after, she wants me to join her marching on january to protest trumps plans. Told her I’m busy and that really, she’s stupid. Am I in trouble for making my aunt upset? Yeah but idc

Something feels so off about this whole thing, I think Elon made fake accounts and I’m amazed at how brain dead stupid americans are because when I checked, black and brown women march… to the polls while white women march in the streets but fall behind their white men at the polls

Don't go. And from Black woman to another I would advise you to divest from whatever struggle battle white women are doing. Not to say they're not legitimate, but that we need to learn to stop fighting and let others do the dirty work at this point. That's what Black women did for decades : battling for everyone else while hardy having the same energy reciprocated.

The fact that she even had the audacity to ask you, a Black woman to do that march should ring a bell, anon. White women really use black women as the token ones that will assist them at convenience, and will throw us under the bus 2 step ahead (i.e the election results)

Weren't Whitefem singing that tune lately that black women were male identified and will always side with Black men over some racial loyalty and therefore, were non trustworthy for the male decentered feminist movement? WELL. Didn't White women in majority voted for Trump? That's right, White women as a collective voted for the party whitefem identified at the leading powerhouse of misogyny in the USA. Before coming for black women for not deconstructing their male centeredness, they should take a cold hard look in the mirror and leave us alone.

White women will NEVER cancel JK Rowling for cozying up with known racists/rightoids (as long as it came to shit on trans people) or coming off more & more as a bully against other women disagreeing with her and I can bet they do not think one second before reblogging her whether their black or brown feminists may be not comfortable with that

...but the same women will cancel you for liking a Johnny Depp insta post or being pro life. They're dumbasses and you really shouldn't have any scrupulosity to pay their feelings dust. I said what I said.

It's crazy to see so many trumpies already regret their vote though. I lurk on r/leopardsatemyface & I thought the sub was purposely cherry picking cases but it's actually a widespread thing?? BRUH. Trumpies never beating the "dumbass" allegations....

And I also have very weird feelings about Elon too. He's giving not human. Him allegedly having ADHD is a cover. He's probably reptilian and play pretend inside a flesh body suit. His mom is giving High -Red- Priestress. I believe the story of that woman who said he spoke to demons as a child. I think all the test-tubes babies he's having are engineered to have demonic genes/programmed/optimized to carry his demonic brain chips. I always found fascinating how his fanclub is obsessed portraying him as a good father when he's just impregnating women he doesn't live with abd barely educated his children. He's not much better than the average deadbeat Black ghetto dusty those white men swear up & down are sooo superior to. And let's not forget the threesome he proposed to Azealia Banks or him role playing his own son on a Twitter account were he made pornographic tweets

[spiderlegsmusic]

Every time that dumbass Trump talks about fascists on the left, it just reminds the world one more time how stupid he is. Fascism is a hard right form of tyranny. The comparable form of tyranny on the left would be communist dictators.

There’s no such thing as a hard left fascist. It’s just something Trump says because it’s been made aware that he is a fascist and it’s his version of “I know you are, but what am I?”

This election really is stupid vs smart. If trump wins, he’s the fucking fascist. There aren’t any other fascists in America who aren’t part of his team. He is a petulant child.

He knows he’s going to lose, he is already starting his process of stealing the election again. But the dumbass doesn’t understand that the military does not back him. Eight years of calling the military losers and showing them no respect so when he and his fellow dumbasses try their civil war, they will be crushed in a day with trump’s stupid insurrectionist ass in prison by the end of that day. And anyone who follows Trump in his stupid civil war will be arrested as traitors, like many of them were after Jan. 6, 2021

Convicted felon and rapist Donald Trump will never be crowned king of America. The women of this country will see to that. And us men who love and respect those women will help too

Fuck trump. Fuck magats. Long live the free United States of America and the Constitution that keeps us free.

And to our Hispanic friends who support Trump: he’s a racist. He hates all of you, not just illegals. You will be deported if this racist fuck wins. Think about it. If you vote for him and he wins, your whole family will be deported. He’s said it OUT LOUD!

[the-firebird69]

Now you've done these numbers on me a few times you have me pushing the wrong way regardless of what you say you are doing it it's happening to you but I didn't come up with these court cases and your kids didn't either not completely but they're running for president and they're competing with you and this is the stupid part I understand what it is and so do you cuz you're sat there doing it to me cuz you're a freak it's very mean stuff and I hold you in contempt for it but use max have planned to do it too me as well using your dumbass you're just stupid enough to volunteer to do it repetitively and it's turning out to be very gross to communicate it so others will hear it you are putting me into situations and it end up making it worse and losing stuff and it was upsetting and you have a slimeball plan that goes along with you losing things I found that out too quite easily. The problem is that the clans of the Mac proper are doing it to you and you have almost no reaction that's logical you just keep on messing around with me getting my damn way give me a stupid looks messing around with them I'm trying to do just for basic day to day survival and I'm sick of you you're trying to distort using me it has probably done nothing but going the wrong freaking way because this huge group of Max is causing it to happen and we have to make sure it happens and they know about that you can't be seen making a profit off doing it it's pretty fast to do is work against you it's pretty hefty and tonight they're going to explain something about it you probably will miss it like you missed the court case I mean from Christ's sake call your lawyer no

Zues Hera

Sure it might look stupid I don't want to lend stuff to it and things no that sounds stupid if it's true and he says who knows with your cockamami people in office what laws are changed or rules but I don't think so. And I had someone look it up recently and it's kind of what you said. You're tainting the evidence and it's a procedural thing it's kind of illegal and they had me fight it and it could have caused a mistrial you know kick all that evidence out some kind of pissed off that my lawyers didn't pick up on it so I talk to them I said what the hell are you doing you want to take my place and you're going to ruin the character and he said I don't know what else to do you're a huge monkey running things and he said that too listen what's that mean you don't want the Trump character in office instead I can't really step in there while people are shooting at him and what you're saying is yes a few people so I want them out and have another character and they have a new election that's got to be the biggest hunk of b******* it's kind of risky he says letting them put it out there

Trump

It is kind of risky and it implicates him in a few ways but then you're putting the information out there and it takes the case and it gets dismissed but everybody would see what they do and how they do it and our son says so what that's nothing new and it's absolutely true so they might go ahead and try and get it out of Biden to see if he was doing it

Thor Freya

I can't believe it what a galloping pole this is

Zues hehe Hera

So runaway election that's for sure no this stuff is sounding stupid now. She put it out there it says a bunch of stuff it's illegal to do people go to jail people are making it happen get in trouble we have to do something seems like a ride and it kind of is but now it's going to go to court and someone's going to have to do something in court and they can't. It also is going to point out that other case which was dismissed because someone was supposedly not capable of bringing a case and people are telling me anybody can bring a case and it doesn't make any sense it's so lame so I'm going to a couple of court cases that went away. This point is this I'm such a scofflaw I'm so opposed to them doing this I am so arrogant and blown up and spoiled and it is from the Mac proper supporting me and it's happening because they are supporting me and I'm a literally my people in exchange for them it happened to Ken because he raised one of them and he knows what's going on it says you're doing the same thing and you're going to be out that's what they're doing it for. So I'm running around doing what they want people are mad about it but it's horrible and Dave was living the whole life like that and they used him and it's not really his whole life he had the clans it's true towards the end of Houston pretty bad and they're doing the same thing but what I'm doing is causing harm to us and it's my decisions that are doing it and there's no way that I could ever run a computer like Dave had no matter what I do it is just never going to happen and computer programming is not a strong point I just play stuff together this is so you only have to know one line of someone else's program everyone has and it's horrible and that be the case okay so I don't know what to do I'm deteriorating my own forces for them and these cases are all messed up that was an easy out but the information would be out and I could have fought what they put out there and that makes sense but I don't really get this why the hell did they do that it would ruin the whole trial and someone was trying to do it

Trump

He wanted to put it out there as evidence at least other evidence but now they're saying it it makes it indivisible and people that have to scrape around and look for evidence he says you can't even do that because of his sometimes they say a trail of evidence is tainted and I actually understand something he knows the law and everyone says he does all he knows what he's doing and he says he doesn't he knows his own money he knows he should be living better he knows that people are messing with him for stuff we keep educating him and bringing it up and threatening him with it and doesn't work we're making a lot of mistakes but yeah that would have gone badly probably for both sides no I can't believe it that he's stuck up for us

Jack

I don't understand this it would have ruined it we could have limited the stuff and I didn't do it so now I have to talk to the lawyers and I talked to him and his cheeseman and you should know that's what he did and he's an idiot and yeah it's stupid sitting here as a woman and then saying rude stuff and it's a weakling and is yelling at things he said her okay and really sick of this s*** old ugly disgusting sick witches in warlocks bothering me all the time saying that get stuff and trying to prove it by being mean to me and putting me down and holding me down to them to s*** at all you're losing everything and it's a psychological thing by the Mac proper who think oh these are the oppressors because they're poor people have to suck off everyone that's part of it and you raised him as part of your key in your hierarchy and you're a sacrificing them and so on and so on and they don't listen either you get a whole bunch of us that don't listen to s***. So goes round and round and people are messing with everyone for stuff and there's a huge group at us several of them now and I can see it the writings on the wall so I guess we have to try something and probably won't work

Trump

I'm going to have a problem too there's a huge Force at my rear they're not nearby but they know about what I'm doing I'm going to try and go after society and that's who it is we keep telling them like we are right now the biggest thing on Earth but they need them and someone said 1/8 of the empire I don't think so in the same it is a chunk but it's not that much it's not as much as you think I'm 30% or something or 33%. What we say is your kidding this is let's try getting pretty big when they were preventing the Mac proper from taking it then they start a war on Trump. And one of them said that and it makes a lot of sense. This is awful all around it's always been like this but now there's a lot of action and people are trying to encourage me because they know we're having problems with a lot of groups and it's true they're at us it doesn't look good for us at all I'm going to go after each other and probably disintegrate into nothing we know it's coming cuz we know what's happening we're admitting it because we're saying it's not our fault but he says in a way it is because he stopped going down and you decide to try and threaten the world take over the world by blowing them up and you told them and these foreigners are already doing the job and we shouldn't have told them over and over and she told us to and miscellaneous is kind of detached to a degree and you're telling them and he says that and I say this so what we told them so what you think you're running a big machine you're stealing a bunch of construction equipment practically and I do see that no this is well that's the whole point you don't have until on your rear you don't have any intel on the competitions weaponry or systems it's all down below and I'm wondering what the hell you guys are looking at you're aggressive and you're doing it right two things that don't actually happen with you you must have seen something I'm sorry to laugh cuz we might have known something about it down there they're very huge you have to have something so yeah that might be it but he doesn't have confidence we're going to do that great there's a few reasons start fighting everybody send all these movies we can't seem to stop it we keep making mistakes but really this is it starts here and it goes out everywhere releasing obnoxious messages to people so we're starting to think of that there he is he's getting ill and all time of cancer and he says some kind of immune to it I forgot to tell you no yeah he was saying it's awful this is a huge one this is really I know it's not your real fast and you're not making an analogy but what's huge about it so I'm kind of laughing it's because they're big and they don't talk about it this is going to suck but he says someone help me set it up it's probably a master but how you going to prove it well they're following me around in the past having me worry about radiation now they're sitting here saying it's a threat on me to my people and it's a Minor threat but it is one and they don't sit there a million times doing it like you guys but they're starting to do that and it's starting to fight each other that's your excuse and your father's excuse and try and do stuff so trying to use you as a lead in and you're anticipating it and you think you can get a grip and that's the whole story and we we just said it again and you're having me say it and really it does not help you it's like you're Trump in court hanging yourself thinking you're all powerful and you don't have it yet

Zues Hera

The top part is me Tommy Allen

It's true you're in a war and you're not necessarily winning and we're going to break out heavy stuff you're going to lose and he's right you guys just will not shut up and won't stop threats and you have to be Force to stop and you don't think you're losing me because you're nuts

Mac Daddy

That's how to get something we're expressing we're not losing cuz you can't tell people you're losing here love you all over you and we have seen people go down because of it but really I should have shut up a while ago it's just exciting people in a lot of it

Trump

So here it goes they say this for like an hour and then they start being arrogant and swine and jerks and they took a bunch of stuff it's a lot it's probably half the world's supply of weaponry but it is not half of what the Mac proper have it's probably quarter of what they have so yeah the world traffic weaponry is half of what the proper have and they're making a lot of it now and they're catching up in today's figures foreigners are up to 60% but they're using it but it's lost stuff and I'm actually losing people so kind of works out those people are doing here does not work out this is terrible and we're going to straighten that out over the next month or two I'm going to inform you of what you've won tonight by this fiasco and put you a bunch of jerks and you got hurt bad you're missing a lot of people the evacuated to the north and they got creamed and the pseudo empire has your plan

Thor Freya

Olympus

[anthonybialy]

The Won’t of the People

Democracy has turned masochistic.  Choosing to be hedonistic somehow didn’t create endless happiness.  You can’t argue against regrettable arithmetic.  Voters wanted it, which apparently settles debates.  Citing polls is of supreme importance to nuanced political philosophers who think anything government imposes is as correct as it is moral.  Politicians have decreed poverty is illegal, so there’s nothing to do but be rich.

Voting doesn’t make whatever won necessarily correct.  Reverent Democrats shriek that the mere suggestion that righteousness isn’t linked with what’s binding is blasphemous.  The gap between the will and the way shocks federal cultists who think a law confers morality, government proclamations settle disputes about existence’s actuality, and the Supreme Court confirms absolute truth as long as they agree with verdicts.  Five justices better not notice liberty is admirable.

Obeying the consensus of the people disregards how said people will make poor decisions somewhere between occasionally and often.  After all, notice who they elect.

Enough rabid participants choosing something unconstitutional doesn’t make an initiative okay.  By current twisted interpretations of how Democrats view winning elections, a bloc could seize rights if half plus one demand such  Dissonant statist improvisors hate when you point out their precedents, as they require thinking ahead.  Initiatives that are merely dumb compete with visions that are truly malicious.

Three individuals voting to rob the other two means the will of the people has been confirmed.  Violating isn’t as democratic as it sounds.  As for legal thieving, preposterous subsidies may be backed by popular will until creating unpopular downturns.  Shrug and announce it’s what one more person than half showed up to fill in ovals.  Selectors who treat stuffing a ballot box like a career demand compensation.

Businesses shuttering should be forced to stay open by law.  Alleged entrepreneurs have some nerve not continuing to offer products at affordable rates just because it’s impossible.  Baffled liberals wonder why their favorite restaurants keep raising the price of fries following forcing overpaying professional fryers by law.  It’s not like they’ll tip more, as that requires their own money.

Maybe more inflation will make entrees affordable.  The same preeners lament food deserts after emptying the reservoir.  Culprits naturally think government needs to address problems it already caused.  Throw more paint on the portrait to increase definition.

Poverty spreads by the result of voting to end it by edict.  It would be funnier to believe handouts would cure destitution if countless humans didn’t suffer as a result.  You’ll be scolded for laughing at liberal daftness instead of the source, which is the actual humorless part.  Slapping Band-Aids on gaping wounds is intended as a permanent cure.  Packing tape might keep on what are intended to be temporary bandages, but it’s neither sanitary nor salubrious.

Crime is the only business flourishing.  Astute observers of humans may have noticed it subtracts from other businesses.  Smirking at liberals getting what they wanted is the only fun presently available.  But teaching about consequences results in a trail of wreckage.  Following it logically leads to progress following passing the burning debris.

The difference between what’s popular and worthwhile is like distinguishing between what is and should be.  Sensible visionaries should defy what most of the electorate if that thing is stupid and awful.  The easy test involves asking whether a plan gives more power to elected idiots.

Progressives sure don’t usher in that much progress, in part because they quite mistakenly believe everyone else is a dolt as they maintain Joe Biden could really make a positive impact if only he had more authority.  Inflation specialists will be shocked to learn who the dumbasses actually are.  As a clue, look for empathic visionaries who think ceding autonomy won’t affect them personally.

Populists believe in what the populace wants unless it’s not what they want.  Well, that’s different.  Imposing their curious vision of the future requires convincing the people.  If that doesn’t work, shoehorn a mandate through a corrupt legislature.  Woke lunacy is redundant, which is privileged to notice.  Recasting society to temporary placate professional grievance-mongers may be unpopular, but at least the consequences are hideous.

Yanking out copper wire for progress stands in contrast to their popular programs involving giving everyone all the money they want.  Heed the will of children voting to have Cold Stone for dinner.  Treating government as Santa turns less trendy when it’s clear all that money doesn’t buy much, especially at retailers that suddenly can’t stock items or hire enough workers.  Those turn out to be fairly important aspects of staying in business.  Blame corporate greed.

A lot of people encouraged to yoink resources from a few shows the majority rules.  Ganging up to plunder doesn’t work for too long even aside from the iffy morality of that whole stealing bit.  It turns out wealthy people demonized for succeeding don’t continue creating enterprises and hiring people if piracy is enforced as policy.  And the very money grifters vote to receive without toil drops in value because they hand it out like it’s complimentary.  Making idiocy legally binding doesn’t make mathematics comply.  Maybe a supermajority will convince reality.

Blame the process.  Voting in proxies who express goofy notions means enough dupes got what they wanted.  Congratulations on making everyone lose with an election win.  The problem with representative government is who gets represented.

[nixie-writes]

Hi I’m feeling some angel dust x wife reader

Where the reader is like very overprotective like vaggie?

Watches over him A LOT ask where he’s been? And just a tough bean but it private they’re all lovey and dovey while in public she’s overall aggressive? Thanks take your time and do this whenever you want.😁!

This took me a hot minute, I had to work out how I wanted this to go and I got distracted a couple of times. I diverted a tiny bit from the original idea but I do hope you like this! Under the cut because it's 3 pages long according to Docs.

(Finally an underused gif)

“Promise to be safe?” [Y/N] prompted as she passed Angel his jacket. He responded with a bright smile, his gold tooth shining in the dim light of the hotel. “Yeah babe, I didn’t buy the ring for nothing.” [Y/N] puffed as she waved him off. “Have fun, be home by 12, I’ll watch over Fat Nuggets. If you’re late again I’m kicking your ass.” She threatened half-jokingly as he exited the door, laughing at her statement as he left. He was likely going to be late again and she hated that. When she was positive he was out of ear shot she let the facade drop. Only Charlie and Vaggie were in the common room of the hotel with her, she trusted the two not to say anything. She dared to allow a sniffle before a tear finally bubbled over her eye and dripped down her face. 

With a sympathetic smile Charlie placed a hand on [Y/N]’s shoulder, grabbing her attention. “It’ll be fine, you know he can handle himself.” Charlie tried to reassure her but it didn’t mean much. “He’s going to get fucked up or hurt in another stupid stunt with Cherri.” Admittedly [Y/N] was jealous of the red-headed woman Angel spent so much time with. If he was willing to be with her, what kept him from doing something with his “best gal pal”? Maybe Charlie understood her concern for his safety but she didn’t understand her concern of his ability to be faithful.

Vaggie, still on the couch, just snorted. “You worry too much about that dumbass; really, just sit down and wait on him. Us ladies can do something, just us. Sundays are for the girls.” Vaggie instated; [Y/N] knew Vaggie was trying to help in her own way, as aggressive as she was. With a sigh of defeat she agreed, sitting with the two other women as Charlie opened a bag full of makeup. Angel owned the same shade of pink Charlie had in that huge puddle of makeup. For Angel’s sake he’d best come back smelling the way he did when he left. 

---

Leaning into the bar table [Y/N] drummed her fingers against the wood in aggravation. Angel still hadn’t arrived, he was two hours late. Fat Nuggets was still awake and whining like the chubby little baby pig he was, he visibly missed Angel. Lifting Nuggs into her arms she gave him a soft pet; she certainly wasn’t Angel but Nuggs wasn’t much different from a human baby, right? So maybe if she just smelled like him it would calm him down…

“For the love of God make the bacon shut up.” Husk growled, lifting himself from behind the bar table. He was freshly awake and visibly hungover. Sucked to be him. She returned his statement with an angry glare. “Don’t call my son bacon and don’t say something you’re not willing to lose your tongue over.” She hissed back at him, holding her proclaimed son to her chest. Nuggs nuzzled himself into her arms, squeaking softly. Husk twitched an eye but didn’t continue, electing to instead find something soft to put his head on. He needed a nap. An idea popped in [Y/N]’s head. If Angel was going to stress her to the brink of insanity with his lack of punctuality she’d make him jealous. Setting Fat Nuggets on a stool with one of Angel’s gloves seemed to be enough to comfort him. Turning to an agitated Husk she sat down beside him and patted her chest. Upon cocking an eyebrow in confusion she told him, “set your head here and take a nap you pissy asshole.” Her voice was friendly but she meant what she said. With a grumbled mess of words he complied, dropping his face square between her tits and was almost immediately snoring. Certainly she wasn’t the most happy about this but it would definitely get the job done. With a shrug she pulled her phone from her pocket and opened some stupid game to pass the time. 

---

[Y/N] was struggling to keep awake herself, occasionally she’d catch herself dozing off with her phone in hand. Fat Nuggets had finally settled down and was gently snoring, cuddled up with the spare glove. Husk was still passed out on her chest, as though his head was moving closer to her stomach. Very feline-like of him. He reeked of cheap alcohol and she was going to be coated in that smell for at least the next day or so. 

Charlie and Vaggie had retired to their room not long ago, Charlie was half asleep and Vaggie was fresh out of shit to do and chose to call it a night. [Y/N] felt lonely and a part of her considered waking Husk up to tell him she was upset over Angel but it’s not like cared much, if at all. Glancing down at the ring on her left finger [Y/N] just sighed. It was nothing fancy, just a silver band with a small sapphire jewel in the center. It was lovely. She found herself tearing up as she stared at the ring, thinking of all the things Angel may be doing behind her back at that moment. 

And as she was staring off at the ring the door opened, a noise she didn’t register. A pair of boots clacked on the wooden floor, a sharp ahem breaking into her head. Glancing up [Y/N] was met with Angel; his makeup was a little smudged but overall looked (and smelled) the way he did when he left. He was grimacing, pointing to Husk, still dead asleep on her stomach. Choosing to play this part she just shrugged. “He needed to sleep off the alcohol, I offered him a warm pillow. Big deal. You do worse shit.” She ended her sentence with a harsh voice, returning his glare for a moment before glancing back down to her phone as casually as she could. She was damn tired of always worrying about him, scared for his safety, knowing he was living it up while she sat in the hotel stressed as hell. 

Angel sighed, dropping his angry facade and sat next to her, pissy expression gone and replaced with one of mild concern. “I know I’m late…” He confessed, not meeting the angry glare she gave him. Setting her phone on the floor she stared at him as he tried to explain himself. “I, uh, got caught up in something.” He gulped, his lips pursing. Sighing heavily he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small toy koala, [Y/N]’s favorite living animal. “I walked halfway across Hell to find this and it rained, please don’t be too angry.” This is what he was gone for so long for? A small toy koala?

With a choked giggle [Y/N] gently took the toy koala from him, holding it in her hands. It was adorable, with huge eyes and a bobble head. “I think I’ll name him…Kevin. Kevin the Koala!” She pronounced as she patted her new toy’s bobble head. Angel chuckled in response, “Kevin is a dumb name but if you like it that much we’ll go with it.” He conceded in a teasing manner. [Y/N] snorted at his dramatic tone of voice. “Come on, let’s get your face clean and I’ll try to let you sleep in a couple extra hours.” Gently placing Husk’s sleeping head on a puddle of clothes she stood up with Angel, bumping her sapphire ring against his opal ring. Their unique little way of showing affection. 

It took a good 30 minutes to clean Angel’s face of all that damn makeup, get him in some comfy clothes and get him in bed with Fat Nuggets. Glancing at the clock [Y/N] noticed it was about 5 in the morning; she’d cover Angel for a few hours but it was too late to sleep now. Waiting until Angel fell asleep she left to start a little early on her daily chores, beginning with some paperwork. 

---

It was 11 in the morning when [Y/N] had to wake up Angel; he was whiny as always but complied, throwing on some presentable clothes and fixing all his fluff. [Y/N] played along with Vaggie in scolding him for staying out late and sleeping in, and when Vaggie wasn’t looking she tossed him an apologetic smile and returned to her work. He knew she had to go along with this and he understood. Hell he married the woman. He was just glad he could make her smile despite his blatant ignorance of her request to get back at a decent time. He was just glad she smiled. That ring he bought wasn’t for nothing. 

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

Hi! So now I'm thinking about this bakugou silent treatment after his rude comment what you mentioned in the last post. Maybe you could write more about it? Thanks, have a great day~

pls bc now that u’ve said it i’m absolutely gonna have thoughts

-so like, let’s be real, if ur bakugou’s s/o then ur his primary form of entertainment. he has friends but he doesn’t like them as much as he likes u, and it’ll be a hassle to get a hold of them, so he’ll always find u first when he wants a bit of social interaction. and pls he’s such a nerd who does nothing but eat, sleep, study, and train, so when he gets bored he is bored,, and he expects u to fix that

-this leads to, like i’ve said before, a lot of,, ummm choice comments coming out of his mouth. just rude shit that he’ll say just to get a reaction,, especially if you’re busy doing something else and don’t have time to pay him as much attention as he’d like

-some of his greatest worst rude comments include:

1.) “Why the fuck are you even looking at that textbook, we both know your dumbass can’t read.”

2.) “You breathe like a laboring dog.”

3.) “Stop doing that. You look like a fuckin’ idiot- more than normal.”

or,, that day’s absolute gem of a comment which was ✨“You’re so fuckin’ clingy, all the time, and I still put up with it; but now that I want something you’re just gonna ignore me? Frigid bitch.”✨

.... i- wow. you hate to see it

-so, ofc, you know he doesn’t mean it, especially with the challenging look and playful tone that goes along with it, but, still, after saying something as egregious as that, you elect to ignore him. completely. entirely. for as long as it takes for Bakugou to realize his words and apologize.

-spoiler alert: he doesn’t.

-an hour passes and he doesn’t even seem to care. which, is rlly a front he’s putting up, pretending to be aloof and unaffected, but he’s not.

-he’s upset. pretty grumpy about how u won’t look at him or speak to him. how you brush him off when he tries to touch your hand,,, just overall not a very happy boy altho when is he ever

-another ten minutes pass n bakugou sorta feels bad about what he said, but not bad enough to apologize. not even slightly. lord knows he has way too much pride for that

-so then he sets off with a new plan,, probably called like *operation revert things back to normal without apologizing bc that’s “wimp shit”*..........🙄🙄🙄

-detailed below is the plan in it’s entirety. and as expected it is not only very poorly designed, but also absolutely out-of-touch and mostly childish

Step 1: Strike A Pose

*so ,, the basis of this first step, is preying on your attraction to him,,, look, bakugou is not an idiot, nor is he afraid to admit how handsome he is. he practically makes it his job to figure out what gets you going

*n even if it makes him feel a little ridiculous/flustered he will absolutely rip his shirt off in front of you if that’s what it takes (just dont look at his face tho bc he’s blushing)

*he’s also prone to grabbing your wrist in his hand, and wrapping his fingers around it entirely. bc the asshole has nice, big, well-manicured hands n he knows u like them

*probably drops himself onto the couch next to you,, just to throw his head back and expose the column of his throat. pls n if he sees u looking over, he’ll blush 10/10 times, but he’ll still side-eye you and swallow intentionally while ur watching him

-alright, so now, if that was me, obvi it’d work. almost immeadiately. but let’s say ur a real hard-ass and somehow completely unmoved by how fine he is (wow, cant imagine what that’s like) . so he moves on to the next phase of the plan which is

Step 2: Make As Much Noise As Possible

*alright so this is where he just devolves into more insulting comments. bc adding fuel to the fire obviously makes it go out. clearly.

*will poke at ur cheeks/hands/legs n say sum “jesus, dumbass, learn to take a joke. didn’t fuckin’ mean it. c’mon, you knew that, you’re being stupid.”

*probably swipes whatever you’re paying attention to instead,, will hold it just out of ur reach and “if you want it then fuckin’ ask. ‘m not giving it to you until you speak to me again.”

* “why are you even upset? you rlly that fuckin’ sensitive?”

-okay so if that still doesn’t work, and it doesn’t, ofc it doesn’t, bakugou is just irritable now. he’s grumpy and crabby and probably misses u (even tho he’d never admit it) and he can’t accept ur silence bc then he’d be “losing” to you,, so onto the next phase which is

Step 3: Smooth Things Over

*finally, finally, he’ll come around to the idea of apologizing. which, for bakugou is rlly just tricking u into thinking he’s apologizing without actually having to say the words so he can feel like he’s “winning”.... 🙄

*this leads to him being uncharacteristically nice. like, making u food without complaining, or maybe making u tea

*n then he’ll just sorta,, press those little gifts into ur hands and look at u expectantly. just stand there in silence and wait for u to smile at him again

-but don’t fold sweetie. don’t fold even if he’s being sort of nice for once. with bakugou you’ve literally got to beat him into submission or he’ll never learn,, and if u still don’t speak to him then he’ll finally, finally, bend to you

Step 4: Suck It the Fuck Up

*firstly, his apologies are never rlly impressive. not really. they’re always mumbled and kinda stuttery, but they’re sincere. he’d only say the words if he actually meant them

*will sound very much like “Fine. Whatever. I’m sorry. Jesus, don’t make me fuckin’ say it again.” tho

*then when u finally look at him, a tiny little smile on your face, he’ll sort of just crowd you bc he missed u. v much a man who huffs in “annoyance” while also refusing to remove his face from ur collarbone or let you out of his arms

-and then all is finally, finally well in bakugou’s world. until he opens his big mouth again. he’ll learn eventually,,, maybe. probably not lmao

—/—

hope u enjoy @doggonudez !! :))))

[cblgblog]

Hey, I’ve been wondering since FAWS, is there an official/unofficial story about operation paperclip and why Shield went with it? Or anything Marcus/McFeely or the Russos have said? I’ve been looking for anything related to it because I’m getting tired of constantly being reminded on tumblr that Peggy ruined the world every time Shield is brought up in the MCU.

Not that I know of, and I can’t really tell you anything new besides what I’ve been saying for literal years now—God I hate this fandom—which is that the people who constantly bring that up simply refuse to acknowledge the basics of how the US government works. Probably like, all the governments, actually, but the shitty US one is the only one I can speak to with any semblance of authority.

Peggy Carter had bosses. I don’t know if it was the World Security Council at that point—dunno if that existed when she was in—but we know she had bosses. Not just because of basic common-sense logic, but because Fury did. Remember when the Council made their stupid ass decision and he elected to ignore it? It’s kind of a big meme, you might have seen it?

The point is that she runs one (1) government agency. She does not run the CIA, the FBI, or any of those related intelligence acronyms. And—see the meme—she has bosses who can and will override her. The same way Fury got overridden on things all the fucking time, because that is how government bureaucracy works. If you want a job where you get unquestioned decision making power, you’re gonna have to go become a tyrannical dictator of a non-US country.

But wait, you say, Fury ignored the decision! Peggy shoulda just done that, you moron!

Fury ignored a decision that unquestionably, inevitably, would’ve killed millions of people. He had only minutes to act. That was a very extreme case. Read on.

These people who act like Peggy personally welcomed a hoard of Hitlers at the airport and then made them a 5 course welcome to the states meal like any good ‘50’s lady should? You’re not going to convince them otherwise, because they are idiots who hate the character. No, they are not idiots because they hate the character, they are idiots because they use this dumbass logic to pick at anyone who doesn’t agree with them. They’re the same people who routinely call her a cunt, just a piece of ass Steve went back for, etc, etc, all because their pairing didn’t go through. You’re not going to get intelligent discussion with these people because it’s all Peggy’s a Nazi cunt this, Peggy’s a Nazi whore that, Peggy takes it from Nazis…and you can tell just from the way these people talk that they aren’t worth listening to.

That said, I’ve heard the somewhat more reasonable complaint that well, if I was there, I would just quit, I’d never work with Nazis, I have principles! Which is a kinda sorta more valid response, so let’s at least touch on that.

A lot of these people want Peggy to quit rather than dare do something so traitorous. Which sounds great, but also…no? Not to throw out Godfather references on main, but “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” is a thing. If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer is also a thing, as per Natasha. Agents of SHIELD basically says outright that they had to wait for Peggy Carter to leave before they could really get their Hydra shit moving.

There’s also Steve’s thing to Fury in Cap 2, we did things that made us not sleep so good all the time, but we did it so people could be free. Yes, paraphrasing, I know. Peggy could walk out over Paperclip because moral high ground, but she’d never work in intelligence again because every single organization has deals going with shitty people. Every. Single One. She leaves, not only is she locked out of having any idea what the wolves in the henhouse are doing, she also can’t do any of the good things she did while at SHIELD.

@followingyourbliss made a really good post about this that talked about the impact of these former Nazis on the space program, among other things, that I believe also talked about how naïve and ultimately stupid it is to blame an actual, real live government operation solely on one fictional woman, and I wish I could find it right now but maybe someone else will, because it’s the best post I’ve ever seen on this topic.

Anyway, because people won’t ever stop beating this horse…just realize that they won’t. Most of the people still making these arguments are just hateful idiots, pure and simple, and you can tell just from how they phrase things. And they’re not going to shut up about it because they have nothing better to do, and they can’t stand the fact that Peggy’s still here, still kicking ass, and not going anywhere any time soon.

But no, to my knowledge, none of TPTB have discussed this issue in detail. And even if they did, and even if they had a perfectly reasonable argument (besides, you know, actual history) the morons would still be being morons about it.

[astringofmadhousefloozies]

Nickèd Names

Yuu finally learns who her funny Horned Boy is. This one takes place just after the ghost wedding. Content warning for coarse language and frank talk of bodily functions.

As always, check my Twisted Wonderland Fanfiction tag for more, and don’t be afeared to send me a message if you enjoyed something!

~*~*~*~

"You're finally back in class?"

You nodded at Deuce. "Stopped pissing blood every time I sneezed, so I'm back."

There's much to be said for kissing pretty ghost girls, but the main drawback is that when you do, you immediately, catastrophically hemorrhage from every pore as all your organs fail, and even with magical healing, you're still bedridden for a week. You wouldn't be doing that again. Maybe. Eliza was very cute.

"You're back. Excellent." Trein dropped a stack of papers in front of you. "Here's the work you missed."

You blinked up at him in horror. "Professor, I nearly died."

He stared back, face impassive. "You nearly did. And I'm fond of your work ethic. That's why you get this instead of a fail."

"... I'll take that."

~*~*~*~

It's after dark, so he should be along any time now. You set your phone down and wait.

True to form, your funny horned boy is soon sitting on the railing of your balcony, smiling at you. "You're all better now?"

"Better-ish." You might never get to stop taking those pills and supplements. "Why didn't you come by the room?"

"You don't know that I didn't. You slept a fair deal."

"Rude. Let's walk."

~*~*~*~

You're too tired to try the woods, so you're both slowly picking your way around the dorm grounds, your pretty horned boy keeping an eye that you don't trip. You could count the times he's touched you on one hand; when you asked, he said he didn't want to be rude. Perhaps he wasn't as fond of you as he seemed.

A buzz from your phone, Ortho wanted a symptoms check-in. You tapped back that you're fine, and your boy peered over your shoulder, leaning this way and that. Curiosity took the better of you.

"... You do know what a phone is, right?"

He chuckled. "Of course I do, my child of man. Not all technology is unknown in my homeland."

"Do you have one? I can give you my number."

He shook his head. "After I broke my last one, we decided it really wasn't necessary."

"You can replace them, you know."

"It was my... fifth?" He started counting on his hands. "No, sixth. They're delicate. After going through that many in as many weeks, we simply canceled the contract."

Your eyebrows went up through no effort of your own. "Jesus, you have the dropsies that bad?"

"The what?"

"Dropsies.” You mimed opening your hand, dropping something. “You dropped them."

"The first one went that way. Most simply shattered when I pressed the screen too hard, and one Lilia threw against a wall."

You decided to ask Lilia how he know your boy later. "Why'd he do that?"

"I tried to download a game and got, in his words, 'so many viruses.' " He seemed rather proud of himself. "They clearly weren't bad ones, I did not cough once."

"No, honey, that's not how that-" Even in the gloom, you saw he'd turned an alarming shade of red, and you backtracked. "Uh, you want to see anything on mine? I have pictures."

"Only if you don't hand me it."

~*~*~*~

"So there is a camera on this?"

"Yeah, most phones have them. Watch." You opened the camera, and hit the button so that the front camera was on, reflecting your spotty face and a wide-eyed faerie boy behind you. "This one's for selfies."

He made a face of pure confusion, and you hit the button to capture it, and showed him.

"Could you... not do that again? It's not proper." 

"You know it doesn't steal your soul, right?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but again, sheer confusion stopped him until he gathered himself. "You always surprise me. But no, it's that... portraits are a formal thing. You shouldn't share that."

You blinked up at him with your best, sweetest face. "Is this just because you don't want me to ask around for your proper name with it?"

he stopped, blinked, inclined his head. "That didn't occur to me until now, but yes."

"I'll keep it to myself, I promise," you lied, and he believed you, and therefore did not hex your phone when he returned you to your room.

~*~*~*~

It was only partially a lie; you didn't actually show it to anyone. You simply set the picture of you both as your lockscreen, so you could enjoy it anytime. And this was what got Ace staring at your phone like it started sprouting feathers and clucking.

"Why do you have a picture of yourself with Malleus Draconia?"

Ah, so that’s it, you thought to yourself. "Who? That's my Horny Boy."

"what"

"Yeah, he said I could call him whatever I wanted because names are special and he's kind of a dumbass and let me."

Ace put an arm around your shoulder. "Yuu, I need to tell you why that is the second stupidest thing you've done in your life."

~*~*~*~

"He's not scary. You're clearly mistaken."

Ace flailed, halfway between exasperation and disbelief. "He's the strongest magic user in the school! Fifth strongest in the world! He is the Prince of Thorns and a big scary dragon and could kill you in the blink of an eye."

You frowned at him. "He is a great big loser who likes gargoyles and has zero clue about anything, ever. Have you ever actually talked to him?"

Ace gave you his best are-you-fucking-stupid-or-something face. "Of course not. He's also a third year, on top of everything else. I don't want to get turned into a rose bush or something."

"He's actually very easy to talk to. Probably because everyone's too scared to talk to him."You paused. "I'm gonna go talk to him."

"Nope!" Ace pulled you back in to your seat. "What if you curses you because you know his real name?"

"I highly doubt that. Let me go, Ace."

He smirked at you. "If you wanna go so bad then pull away." 

"You know I can't do that, Ace." You're still too weak from your sickroom stay. "If you want me to stay, fine."

So you sat on his lap with a heavy flop, and watched him wince in pain. Even with all the weight lost from your illness, you're still too heavy for him. But he, stubborn brat, still gripped your arm and glared at you.

A battle of wills, one overweight brat and one stubborn weakling, rapidly losing sensation in his legs. "You're not going. I can stay here all day. You'll get bored before I do."

He's not wrong, but you have a secret weapon. "Keep me here and I'll fart on you."

He narrowed his eyes at you. "You can not fart on command."

You leaned over. "You don't know that. For all you know I had cabbage rolls for lunch and it's been brewing all day. You really wanna try me, Trappola?"

He did not want to try you, and, let you go with a grunt of disgust. "If you die, it's not my fault!"

"I'm not gonna die!"

"You said that about the ghost princess!"

"Is everyone going to hold that against me now?"

"YES!"

~*~*~*~

You found your horned boy in a pissing match with Kingscholar, and you decided to be as petty and obnoxious as possible. Walking up behind him - Malleus, what a pretty, pretty name for a witch boy - You simply wrapped your arms around his middle and squeezed, while he froze in place posed like a cowboy about to draw.

Leona started snickering. "Really? You get that few hugs in your life?"

"Shush." You peered under Malleus's arm, while he looked down at you. "Malleus? Can we talk a moment?"

Interesting. He could turn even paler than what he was.

~*~*~*~

"So the entire reason you didn't share who you were is that you thought I wouldn't want to hang out any more."

He nodded. "Most people are afraid of who I am. And you have generally unkind things to say about monarchies, as it is. I did not think you would take the prince thing kindly."

"Well." You shrugged. "Now I know why you kept taking notes whenever I started on that."

"You have many interesting things to say about it!" He brightened considerably. "I couldn't have a shift to elections within my lifetime, obviously, but much of it would be great to try implementing."

"Wouldn't your big scary grandma have anything to say about that?"

His smile was thin, but genuine. "She has much to say on most topics. But, if she did not want me to be exposed to new ideas, she could have simply kept me at home and continued with my private tutors."

You couldn't argue with that. "One last thing, Malleus."

He tilted his head slightly, face faintly pink. How could anyone be scared of him? He's so adorable it's enough to make you sick.

"I don't think I'll call you Horned Boy anymore, now that I know your more proper name."

He looked... disappointed, and you continued. "Mal's a little better for a nickname, yeah? Less of a mouthful."

He made a small noise, considering, before brightening. "Anything that you call me is perfection, my friend."

[lunariasilver]

Only One / Corpse x Reader

A/N This is a joke, mainly. That’s why it’s kinda short. I remembered something that I did when I was younger that is goddamn hilarious in hindsight, but was so painfully awkward and stupid at the time...and then this happened. Remembering how much of a jackass I was back in the day really makes me laugh. 

I’m still a dumbass on main, but...like...a different variety of dumbass.

Words: 784

Summary: Basically a long time ago, you, the reader, straight up hissed at a man over voice chat.

POV: First person reader.

Genre: Pure comedy.

Warnings: Cursing, but that’s about it.

I wasn’t a particularly big Let’s Play youtuber, so when Crankgameplays invited me to join an Among Us stream with THE BIG LET’S PLAYERS, I lost my shit. They didn’t know that, of course. I lost my shit in private. That was none of their business.

Anyway, the day of the Stream came, and I was, naturally, a little starstruck. We were all talking and I was introducing myself when our last lobby member joined. Some character named “CORPSE.”

Jack was extremely excited by this. “OH! YOU haven’t played with Corpse yet!”

I narrowed my eyes at the camera. “No, I haven’t. Are you plotting on me?”

“ABSOLUTELY! (Youtuber name), this is Corpse. Corpse, this is (Youtuber Name).” Jack introduced. It was weird that he was the one introducing us since I didn’t know him, but whatever.

“Hi Corpse! I promise not to be imposter ever, so don’t ever sus on me, okay?” I greeted cheerfully, to a few laughs from the others as they awaited my reaction to something or rather.

“Hey (Youtuber name).” He greeted in the deepest voice I have ever heard in my life.

“.....Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttt-”

The rest of the chat burst into hysterics.

I started laughing too. “Man, the last time I talked to a guy with a deep voice like that I hissed at him.”

“I’m sorry, you what?” Mark laughed.

I had to calm myself to tell the story. “Okay, so look. Don’t judge me, but I was kind of a weird kid-”

“You’re weird now.” Ethan quipped.

“ANYWAY.” I continued. “There was this voice app where you talk to people. There were no pictures, it was just your voice. I started talking to this one guy with a pretty deep voice and we were getting along great! BUT, after like, a long conversation with him-” I stopped to chuckle at myself.

“We both went to bed, said our goodnights. He said hi to me the next morning and...I panicked.”

“So you hissed at him?!” Ethan exclaimed incredulously, still in hysterics.

“NOT exactly.” I started, grinning at my camera. My chat was roasting me at the moment, but I elected to ignore it. “I fully articulated the word ‘hiss’ in like, an icy tone.”

“That’s so much worse!” Mark said. Everyone’s laughter had only gotten worse, except for Corpse who was being quiet. I just figured he was a quiet dude. I’d assume I was just missing it in the cacophony of laughter, but his voice would have been impossible to miss.

“It gets even worse though!” I could barely fucking breathe I was laughing so hard. I heard somebody wheeze ‘How?!’

“He sent me a message back saying, ‘Wait, what did I do?’ or something to that affect. I FUCKING PANICKED AGAIN!”

“What did you do?!?” I got the feeling that they were on the edge of their seats. Or falling out of them.

“My stupid fucking brain was like, ‘You can’t let him know you panicked and it made you do something weird!’ And so I said, ‘Oh, you know. Sometimes I just hiss at people. Don’t worry about it.’ LIKE IT WAS A COMPLETELY NORMAL FUCKING THING TO DO!” I had my forehead resting on the table as I shook with laughter.

“What did he say?!” Valkyrae asked.

“He never answered me, and he was right not to! I was a crazy fucking weirdo!”

It took a few minutes for all the laughter to die down.

I chuckled. “Sorry for oversharing, guys. I know you don’t know me.”

“I don’t know, I feel like we all know you pretty well at this point.” Ethan said, bringing around another chorus of laughter.

“I mean, yeah that story pretty much sums up my existence.” I laughed. “Anyway, should we start?”

There were chimes of agreement before Corpse finally spoke up again.

“That was me.”

My mind drew up a blank at what he could possibly be talking about. “What?” I asked.

“That guy you hissed at? That was me.”

My eyes widened as I stared at the camera. “.........Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttt?”

Immediately everyone was in hysterics again, including me.

“I’M SO FUCKING SORRY I HISSED AT YOU!”

His response was to laugh. “It’s reassuring to know that you just panicked and I didn’t do anything.”

“What, is there only one guy in the world with a crazy deep voice?” Jack questioned, still laughing.

“Yes.”

Bonus:

Corpse’s POV

Wait. That sounds-

Is she talking about me?

I muted my mic. “Is...I think she’s talking about me.” My chat was going nuts. “I don’t know! It just sounds like something that happened to me!”

I listened to the story for a moment longer. “Oh yeah. She’s talking about me.”

[stresseddepressed-student]

Chapter Nine:

Unfortunately, Potter was powerful and uncontrolled so his magic refused to keep itself contained. Stupid dumbass idiot who didn’t know how to control himself.

“Potter, your presence is messing with the delicate potion in the cauldron, please remove yourself.” Draco tried his best to keep his voice level, to be bigger than him, to not sink down to his level. He really didn’t want any conflict with Potter this year. It would be difficult enough without Potter Problems.

He finished mincing the wings of the Hercules beetle, wincing as he eyed the poor bastard who was still crawling around his tank. Now that he was wingless, his only purpose would be to breed one last time and then be tossed into a Fortis Invigorate potion. Draco felt a lot like the beetle, he had no life other than to be used and trapped in a glass tank. He then minced the Aconite, admiring the purple flakes created as he cut.

He cast a discreet tempus, 3:00, damn it, it's been 3 hours since he started the potion. If he was going to be successful in any way, he needed to put the wings and flakes in now. He gracefully turned, holding the cutting board in one hand and the knife in the other. He kept his gaze on the cauldron, refusing to spare Potter a glance, slowly he scraped the ingredients bit by bit. Wolfsbane was particularly difficult and if he wanted to get this right, he would need to be patient.

“What are you making?” Potter insisted, coming up closer.

Draco looked up into his eyes, barely biting his tongue at the disgust in the other boy's eyes. He glanced down, tracing the sweat and water that left trails on his brown torso and down into his pants. His trousers were hanging perversely on his hips, heavy with exertion and water. Draco could see the other boy's hip bones, the defined muscles eating away his stomach, rounded strong pecs. And his shoulders, Draco was sure that Potter could probably carry him easily and Draco was quite muscle-laden himself. His legs would definitely help him, they were thick, strong, the kind of thigh perfect for spreading his-

Draco turned away, thanking his father for the years of training in keeping his emotions out of his voice, “I don’t answer to you, Potter. Please, escort yourself to the showers as you are in fact messing with a highly volatile potion. Thank you.”

He went back to the book, listening to Potter's steps as he came closer. He inhaled sharply, the smell of rain and musk robbing him of his senses.

Draco didn’t dare turn as Potter whispered in his ear, his spine-tingling, “you’re up to something Malfoy and I’m going to find out. I’m going to figure you out and when I do, I’ll ruin you.”

You already have.

Potter stepped back and Draco could practically hear the sneer painting on his full lips. Draco finally looked up as Potter walked away, burying a groan at the sight of his muscled back and broad shoulders. He looked like a man. His trousers were barely being held up by the curve or his arse, Draco could see his pants peeking out, darkened by sweat and water. Draco knew he was absolutely fucked if this was his reaction to Potter after working out. Draco hadn’t missed how tight his pants looked around his front, Draco resisted the urge to lick his lips.

Merlin.

He felt like a pervert, he needed to get his mind out of the gutter and focused back on the potion before him. He wanted to figure out a way to make the potion better in every way-- taste, texture, effectiveness, cost of production-- anything to fix the things he broke.

Turning the flame off, he carefully poured the potion into the vials, closing them so they could ferment. They should be done by the next full moon so he had about a month or so before it had to be perfect. He wasn’t sure who would accept his potion but he wanted to perfect it before he showed it to Minerva. He rolled his back, stretching the aching muscles as he leaned over the book.

“I thought I might find you here.”

Draco whirled around, his mother's wand discreetly tucked by his side-- poised to strike. He relaxed once he recognized the dirty blonde hair and shy smile-- Astoria Greengrass.

He relaxed his mouth into a subdued smile, only the barest hint of teeth peeking through. “Astoria,” he acknowledged, nodding respectfully.

Her smile curved even more, a pretty red thing that for anyone else would have signaled something seductive, but Draco was so gay that the promise held in her lips did nothing to excite him. “Draco, how are you?”

Still, it's a lot easier to get information from a distracted person and there had to be a reason Astoria was here. He hoped she wasn't here for some nefarious purpose but soon remembered her family played a minimal role in the war, far less so than his friends' families.

He crossed his arms, flexing purposefully to see if her eyes followed the movement. They did. “I am well. Or as well as I can be considering my circumstances. And you? How is your sister?”

Her nostrils flared, once, then twice. The slightest expansion of the curve of her nose that promptly settled back into its natural state. “She is well, the climate agrees with her. Theodore, Tracy, and Millicent are there as well.”

“Yes I heard, Theodore wished to be here, but he found his family in Belgium much more amenable to him being in France than Scotland.”

“England,” she corrected, her smile smaller than before. “We’re in England.”

“Only for those who haven't learned otherwise.”

She turned her head away from him, her focus instead on the cauldron glowing purple with the remnants of his work. He decided to interrupt her before she asked any more questions.

“You didn’t answer my question,” He let one of the corners of his lips tug upward, his eyes fastened on her-- everything in his posture and countenance used to flirt with her.

She lifted her chin, tilting her head to one side to expose her neck. “What question?” she demurred.

He stepped closer, “how are you?”

“I am better now that I’m here.” She stepped back and he followed her until they were walking side by side out of the classroom.

“Here in Hogwarts or here right now?” He guided her away from the empty lab room, walking towards the Slytherin dormitories.

She peered up at him through her dark lashes, “that’s for me to know and you to find out.”

He chuckled, a gravelly sound he used when he wanted to sway his victim or seduce them, “well now I’m intrigued by the mystery you present.”

She murmured the common room password, and let him escort her through the dark passage. He tucked her hand through the crook of his elbow, teasing her lightly about spiders and snakes, all the things girls liked to be teased about. It felt a bit surreal if he was being honest, to be flirting and walking through the shadowy corridor like before. Usually Pansy would be the one to have her hand tucked into his elbow, or Blaise, or Theo; Greg and Vincent bumbling happily behind him, messing with his hair, or ticking him just to get a rise out of him. It felt so much like before that Draco's chest hurt a bit, a gentle persistent pressure growing exponentially with each step he took. Finally, they emerged into the softly lit common room although it was oddly packed to the brim.

Astoria guided him to the front where Blaise, Pansy, and Slughorn stood.

“I- I don’t understand? What’s going on?” Draco whispered urgently to Astoria, taking in his friend's smug looks.

Pansy glanced at him before settling her attention on Astoria, “so?”

Astoria pouted, “he did everything you said he would.”

Draco glanced around, bewildered. Blaise was softly giggling, patting Pansy on the back.

Astoria leaned on her tippy toes and kissed his cheek, patting him gently, “thanks for going along, love.”

Pansy grabbed his arm and dragged him to stand next to her, “shut up and I'll explain later,” she hissed, keeping her stiff smile pasted on her face. She was still mad it seemed.

Slughorn stepped forward, clapping his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Students, new and old, welcome to Slytherin, your new home. Today we must assign the student advisors, of course, I am always available to the public! I make a point to keep my door open and I'm actually writing a book on teaching principles everyone could apply to their everyday relationships, I’m sure it will be a bestseller so if you want to pre-order your copy be sure to Owl me. An open door rule isn’t the only policy I will write about in fact I-”

Blaise cleared his throat, flashing his eyes at a startled Slughorn.

“Er- right! Today we will elect from these three. Please, er, raise your hand if you would like Pansy Parkinson as an advisor.”

Several murmurs could be heard and Pansy rolled her shoulders nervously. No one was raising their hands and Draco could feel her disappointment.

Draco swallowed his pride, stepping forward, “Professor, If I may?” At Slughorn's nod, he began to address the room, “some of you do not know Pansy, I believe it would be beneficial to have a few testimonies in regards to her and Blaise so that the newcomers may have an accurate picture of them. I would like to go first.”

Slughorn clapped his back, “right you are m’boy. Excellent Idea, have you been reading my early drafts?”

Draco nodded tightly, barely concealing a snicker. He took a deep breath before speaking once more, “Pansy happens to be my best friend and I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of things about her from different people. But I would like to tell you she is the most generous person. She will offer you her time, her talent, her knowledge so that you can succeed. More than anything else, she cares about the success of Slytherin as a whole, and if you’re lucky to be her friend, she cares about your personal success. She’s third in our class right behind Hermione Granger and me. She is passionate about her work and a good teacher. Blaise is also my best friend, he’s understanding, he sees you even when you cannot see yourself. And If you find yourself in a snit, he’s the best person to help you get out of it.”

Mitch Creevy stepped forward, looking around nervously, “I'm the first Slytherin in my family, all my cousins are in Gryffindor and neither Draco nor Pansy nor Blaise made me feel any different. Pansy protected me when the Carrows were asking about my bloodline.”

Draco turned back towards his best friends, returning Pansy’s watery smile. Hopefully, this would make her forgive him and see that everything he did was for her good.

Several other people spoke up, each other saying kind things about Pansy and Blaise. Draco tried to ignore the prick in his conscious about the lack of kind words directed at him.

That was until Astoria stepped forward again, her posture relaxed and strong, “I understand many of you are avoiding the controversy of Draco Malfoy but we must not forget all that he’s done for us. He showed us how to fake curses and hexes or lower the intensity when we were forced to attack our fellow classmates. He fought in the war against the Dark Lord-”

“After he let them in!” retorted a student. A chorus of agreements and Draco looked down at his feet, it wasn’t like he could contest. He had done that and much more.

“But he fought even against his father.”

“Astoria!” Pansy hissed, her mouth settling into a harsh line.

it was becoming hard to breathe for Draco, buried his nails into his palm to ground himself. It was for naught, if Astoria didn't stop soon, he was going to have a full-blown panic attack.

“Who do you think put every single captured death eater in prison, who provided the evidence? He was ra-”

“Astoria!” Blaise warned, starting towards her, his eyes flashing gold. Draco felt sick, he didn’t want his secrets uncovered, everything he did, his shame, uncovered. He felt naked under the disgusted stares.

Astoria took a deep breath, “today, he went to his lab to work on a Wolfsbane because he knew that many students, Slytherin or other, could not afford good quality Wolfsbane. He is the only reason Goyle passed his classes, he tutored every single Slytherin falling behind. He is more than his name. I urge you to consider him.”

Mercifully, she didn’t mention Vincent. Draco didn’t think he could handle her mentioning his dead friend, someone rotting in the ground because of him.

Astoria turned towards him, her mouth pinched tightly, she didn’t say sorry, she didn’t like to lie. And even though Draco was close to tears, he admired her tenacity, her passion, her intelligence; he privately thought to himself that she would make a better teacher than Slughorn. She was almost at his level in potions but she had more of an inclination towards being an Auror than anything else. Pity. She had some inane belief she could reform it. She certainly was more ambitious than her sister.

Slughorn looked around nervously, his fingers twitching as the muttering increased. “Have we come to a decision?” he tried.

Leon Moon, the first year from earlier, stepped forward; his shaggy auburn hair reminiscent of Remus Lupin. “Is it true that you’re making wolfsbane for everybody?” he demanded, his tiny figure puffed up.

Draco buried his shock at seeing a miniature version of his old teacher. He nodded, clearing his throat before giving the fierce boy a resounding yes.

Moon glanced around, looking at his fellow first-years to see if they had any objections, “We would like Draco to be our advisor, and Pansy too.”

Everyone agreed with the little boy, save for a few people who grumbled that Blaise should be one of the advisors. Draco snorted, every single one had been one of Blaise's conquests.

Pansy stepped forward, “there can be three advisors. It was more of a matter of choosing who you didn’t want.”

Blaise rubbed his neck, “that’s alright Pansy. I don’t really want the responsibility, but I’m happy to help you guys out along with the 7th years.”

Steeled by everyone's vote of confidence and the trust in her eyes, Draco stepped forward again. “Then it’s settled,” Draco said, his voice clear and determined. “Pansy Parkinson and I will be your advisors. Professor Slughorn, are you prepared for a swearing ceremony?” Draco didn't even know why he asked, the man definitely didn't understand the sort of commitment Slytherin had towards each other.

Draco rolled his eyes as Slughorn babbled, snapping his fingers to request Mipsy.

Mipsy arrived with a pop and several first years gave a surprised yelp. She punched her fist onto her hips, looking up at him expectantly, “Yes Master Draco?”

“You can’t have a personal elf apparate in and out of Hogwarts wards!” Slughorn fretted, his chest puffing as he tried to assert his dominance. What he didn’t realize was that Draco took responsibility seriously, took vows seriously, and this was both. Slughorn didn’t even want to be the head of house for Slytherin.

Mipsy answered him before Draco could, “I work in kitchens, missus Minnie allow me to work by Master Draco.”

Draco smiled, “Thank you, darling. We’re going to do a blood oath, do you mind notarizing?”

“Elves cannot notarize!” Slughorn complained. Oddly enough, he had no qualms about performing a blood oath, something considered dark magic but he had a problem with Elves becoming Notaries. Typical.

“Certainly Master. Raise you's hand.”

Both he and Pansy raised their right hands, Draco remembered that he was mostly naked save for his shirt and he tucked his left arm tightly into his side. Though it was useless, a lot of people probably saw his mark.

“Speak vows now.”

Pansy went first, “I Pansy Minato Parkinson, vow to protect, encourage, defend, teach, and care for the students under my care.” She tapped her wand against her palm and a sliver of blood fell onto the stone floor. The stone glowed green before absorbing the blood and returning to its natural gray.

Draco stepped forward, his wand poised, “I Draco Lucius Siran Malfoy-Black, vow to protect, encourage, defend, teach, and care for the students under my care.” He pressed the wand against his palm, shivering under the surge of magic slicing his skin. The blood dripped down his wand, spiraling around the natural grain of the dark brown wood, the single drop falling into the stone, glowing a blinding silver that lasted a lot longer than Pansy’s had.

He could feel his peers' eyes on him and titled his chin up, not meeting anyone's eyes. He stood back with Pansy and Blaise as the group dispersed, his mouth tight. “Mate I-”

He shook his head, dispelling the apology he knew was to come, his arms clasped behind his back to hide his mark.

Leon came forward, his dark blue eyes glancing wildly around. He coughed and sidled up next to Draco, “Mr. Malfoy sir,-”

“Draco is quite alright.”

The boy flushed and nodded, “I was wondering, I have been, that is, I was wondering if you had finished the potion, I, well I-”

Draco placed a hand on the small boy's shoulder, crouching down slightly, “Leon, you are a smart brave boy, and I'm not going to hurt you no matter how scary I look. It’s okay to ask for things.”

Leon, flushed, scowling, “I'm not a baby, don’t patronize me, I know I can ask for things. This is a secret thing and I've never told anybody else. I was wondering if you could help me during my-” he lowered his voice and leaned closer, “transformations.”

Draco’s smile faltered, the spunky kid was so young, too young to have to be afflicted with this. He nodded, “the night before your transformation, meet me at the entrance of the Forbidden Forest.”

The kid flashed him a smile, the ones that come easy when you're smaller no matter what’s happening around you. Draco's eyes burned, visions flashing of the small boy before him losing that smile because of the life ahead of him, of the boy becoming like Lavender. Draco stepped away, casting a sonorous so that everybody in the dorms could hear him, “If you require assistance for your transformation, werewolf or other, please meet me the night before the full moon in the entrance of the Forbidden Forest.”

Pansy’s hand moved towards him but he walked too quickly out of the common room for her to catch him. He ran down the corridor, down the hallway, back to his lab, breathless. He stumbled over the cauldron and retched, bile and vomit spewing from his mouth into the cast-iron cauldron. His yellow vomit smelled so horrible mixed with the wolfsbane, and he vomited even more. A hand found its way onto his back, rubbing soothingly up and down his spine. Smaller hands combed back his hair, holding the fringe away from his sweaty face.

“He’s so young!” he cried to Pansy and Blaise. “He hasn’t lived yet and his life is ruined.”

“It's not ruined,” Pansy answered sharply, “it's not. And even if it was, it’s not your fault.”

He sobbed into the cauldron, everything from him mixing in there, his potion, his bile, his tears, his sweat-- all of it combining to present a reflection of him.

Blaise pulled his shirt off, using it to wipe his mouth and neck, banishing it with a shudder “Come on love, let's go to bed.”

Draco shook his head, dazed, “no, I’ve got to clean up first or Minnie won’t let me back here.”

“Minnie?” mouthed Pansy to Blaise who only shrugged.

Draco summoned a low dose pepper-up charm from his stock already organized in the storage room adjoined to the lab. He gagged as he swallowed the spicy concoction. Shaking his head to clear away the haze of guilt, sickness, and shame.

He conjured a scrub and some soap in a bucket. Pansy summoned another bucket and he hefted the cauldron up to pour the remaining mixture into the spare bucket. Blaise banished the bubbling bucket once it was full and Draco set the cauldron down again. Pansy whistled at his flexed muscles and he threw some soap at her playfully.

He snapped his finger and music played, lately Pansy had gotten them into Spice Girls and oddly enough, an androgynous band named Eurythmics. Wannabe’s poppy beat echoed around the room and Blaise danced comically around the room, swaying his hips and thrusting in the air every so often. He moved his hips as he scrubbed the Cauldron, humming the lyrics under his breath. None of them noticed when the door opened and Neville barreled out of the greenhouse into the lab.

“Uh-” Neville stammered, eyes wide.

Draco paused mid-gyration to stare at the blubbering boy.

“I’m gonna go-” Neville mumbled, running out of the room, leaving a trail of dirt behind him.

“Do you think he-”

“Did you see his face?!”

Blaise and Pansy both hollered at the same time, cutting Draco off. Draco grunted, drawing the attention of his two friends who promptly rolled their eyes at his pinched mouth. He cast a scourgify on the mud tracks, charming a mop to follow Neville’s path.

“Oh, will you wipe off that pinched ferret expression you’ve got!” Blaise called, slapping his bum as he passed by.

Pansy cackled, bent over in exaggerated laughter. “You do look a bit like a ferret, love,” she sighed, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.

Draco grunted, wiping his sweaty brow. “Do you think he saw me, so…”

“Human?”

Draco glared at Blaise, who raised his hands in mock surrender. “Disheveled, unprofessional, inelegant, un-Malfoy," he corrected.

Pansy ignored him as she shucked her shirt, though there wasn’t a single drop of sweat on her back or neck. She rolled her bony shoulder as she conjured a scrub and a mop. Casting an Augementi, she started working on the walls, throwing the mop to a pouting Blaise. Draco was at once, filled with relief that his friends, his posh wanker friends, were helping him with the menial task of cleaning.

Pansy didn’t turn away from the wall as she spoke, casting several charms at other conjured scrubs to reach the places she could, “Isn’t that the point, Draco? To be un-Malfoy. To be yourself? Look at what I'm doing! I’m bloody scrubbing the wall, I would have never done that years ago!”

Blaise passed the mop between his hands, “I know you think nobody will believe the person you’ve become, that you’re good, but you don’t help when you shut people out and continue to put up wards around yourself.”

Draco wiped the cauldron down, carefully oiling it to preserve its integrity. “What would you have me do? Scream at anything and everything that I’ve changed, that I’m not a blood purist?! What would you have me say?! “Hey guys, I know you lost a brother, son, daughter, father, mother, friend-- people! But! Guess what?! I’m not a bad guy anymore, see I’m good, I can even shake your hand and I won’t break out in hives!” Yeah, that’s a great idea guys, ” Draco scoffed.

Pansy marched over, grabbing his chin gently with her soft soapy hands, “that’s exactly what you need to do because that is exactly who you are.”

He turned away, his voice weak and resigned, “and if I’m not. What do I do if I'm the same exact person as before?”

Blaise strode to him, cradling the side of his face in his hand, pressing his forehead against Dracos’, “You are. You are good. You deserve good things. You are good.”

Draco leaned forward, pressing his lips against the boy, wanting to have the maker of his affirmation breathing those words into him. There was something venerating about this kiss, about the tenderness of their lips against each other. But too soon did Blaise pull away, looking at him regretfully, “this isn’t what you want.” Draco whimpered and Blaise thumbed his temple, “ it’s okay, I won't take the words away, they’re yours, they're who you are.”

Pansy pulled him off, “go to bed with Blaise, I’ll meet you later after I finish here.”

“No, no I've got this,” Draco objected, pulling his wand out. He conjured more scrubs, mops, and dusters, easily manipulating them to clean the entire room. It was exhaustive on his magical core, especially after the day he just had, but he needed this lab to be spotless for the plan formulating in his mind. With a just wiggle of his fingers, he took over the scrubs Pansy had been manning and the mop in Blaise's hand. Pansy and Blaise gawped at him and a rush of pride swept through him. He walked over the cauldron, hoisting it up to flip it over, he wasn’t able to carry it with just his own human muscles. Sighing, he focused his remaining magic on lifting all of the spare cauldrons and organizing them on the newly cleaned floor. He was just about to set them down when his chest began to ache, a sharp digging sensation that made him stumble back. Pansy and Blaise rushed forward, grasping his sides as keeled over. Thankfully, the very expensive cauldrons were too close to the ground to have any resounding impact.

Blaise whipped out his wand, shouting “Finite Incantatem!” with no success. Dracos magic was too strong for him to make the dizzying cleaning supplies stop dancing around the room.

Pansy tapped Dracos cheek hard, “Draco, stop the spell. It’s hurting you, stop the spell!”

He groaned, his head rolling to one side. With all the strength he could muster, he whispered the spell, his wand falling limply from his hand.

[romanoffswifey]

Stupid Sexy Romanoff

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: Tony takes the avengers on a snowy retreat, where he finds out about your crush on Natasha. He and Clint convince you to do something a little bit stupid and it does not go according to plan. At least you get Natasha’s attention.

Contents/Warnings: Fluffy fluff, some dumbass energy from many people

Words: 1,539

AN - Yes, this was absolutely originally inspired by that one Simpsons scene and it would not let me rest until I had written it. Stupid sexy Flanders.

“Woah, Y/N, I didn’t know you could shred like that,” Tony says as you come skidding to a stop next to him and Clint on the alpine snow.

The billionaire had decided to take you all on a trip to a Swiss ski resort, in the name of relaxation and team bonding.

“There’s a dry ski slope about an hour away from the town I grew in, I haven’t been in a long while but I guess snowboarding is like riding a bike,” you offer. Plopping yourself down near Clint, who was currently sitting on Steve’s shield after he’d been using it as a sledge.

“Maybe now you’re here you can convince Stark to actually go down the mountain, instead of just standing here like a baby,” the archer points to the man’s skis, “you know they have instructors here to teach you how to use those things.”

Tony scoffs. “I don’t need any instructing, Barton. It can’t be that hard surely, I mean children can do it.”

“You could always ask our friendly god of hammers for some pointers,” you say, gesturing behind you as Thor shoots past, screaming with joy. The asgardian had turned out to be surprisingly good at the winter sport and was currently having the time of his life.

When the men next to you descend into bickering, you zone out. Letting your gaze wander until it lands on Natasha, who’s stood chatting with Steve further down the slope.

You’d had a crush on the redhead ever since you’d met her during the whole thing with Loki, but hadn’t said anything to her in fear of ending up looking like an idiot. 

Clint was the only one who knew and he’d been pretty useless at helping. Simply teasing you about it, as he’d decided to be an adult, for once, and respect Natasha’s privacy on the matter.

You sigh softly as you look at her now. She was beautiful, and kind of cute, with her little bobble hat and her googles on top of her head. The tips of her nose and ears slightly pink from the cold, and her flawless tresses only highlighted by the white around her.

As you follow the fall of her hair down to her outfit, you inhale sharply, coughing as the icy air hits the back of your throat.

The assassin was clad in a black and red ski suit, with a close enough fit that you could see the lines of her muscles. Along with a great view of her assets. It was safe to say that it left nothing to the imagination, and your imagination was certainly running wild right now.

Your little coughing fit had gained the attention of Tony and Clint. Making them pause their argument and follow your line of slight.

“Well, Romanoff certainly isn’t bothered by the cold. You’d think she’d want to wear something more comfortable since we’re out of the office,” says the billionaire.

“Actually it is comfy, and warm, and incredibly aerodynamic. She got it for this one mission where she had to go undercover as a prospect for the winter olympics,” Clint explains, “I tried it on once. It felt like I was wearing nothing at all.”

That comment did absolutely nothing to help your thoughts, in fact it only made them less PG then they already were. You’re pretty sure the heat coming from your face could turn the slope below you into a waterfall if you put your head close enough.

Unfortunately for you, your flustered state draws Tony’s questioning gaze from the archer to yourself.

“Erm, Y/N are you okay? You look kind of...wait a minute,” his eyes light up as he interrupts himself, “Oh. My. God. You totally have the hots for Romanoff don’t you?”

“Finally, someone noticed,” Clint happily exposes you.

“Barton, you little shit!” you exclaim in shock, repeatedly trying to jab him in the ribs.

“Oh this is great,” Tony laughs before starting to sing, “Y/N and Natasha sitting in a tre-”

“Shut it, Stark,” you hiss. Taking one of his ski poles and smacking him around the back of the legs, causing him to fall on his back in front of the pair of you with a small ‘oof’.

“Rude. But since you’re like the little sister I never had, I’ll elect to ignore it in favour of being the annoying brother right now. Does she know about the little heart eyes routine you got going on over here?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

You roll your eyes. “Does it look like she’s even remotely interested in me?”

“I don’t know, have you tried asking her?”

“This is Natasha Romanoff we’re talking about here, you think I want to risk making a fool out of myself and ruining our friendship?” you sigh dejectedly and put your chin on top of your knees. “And don’t bother asking Clint about it, I already tried,” you add when you see Tony turn toward the man, who was suddenly very quiet.

The billionaire huffs when he notices his glare isn’t doing anything to crack the archer’s resolve. But when his eyes land on the ramps that sat on one half of the snowy incline, the gears in his head start to turn.

His smirk widens when Clint throws him an encouraging look, clearly thinking along the same lines.

“Hey Y/N, why don’t you do a cool trick or something?” Tony asks while nodding toward the ramps.

“What?” you ask in reply, “What makes you think I can even do a trick?”

“Well, it can’t be that hard. I’ve seen you do loads of complicated acrobatics in training, and what about that time you flipped your motorbike over that bridge?”

“I’m sure Nat would be impressed if you did it,” Clint murmurs, trying to be subtle while eating some snow.

You cut your eyes at them both, wondering what they were up to.

“Fine,” you say. Pulling yourself up and setting off down the hill after thinking about it, it would be pretty cool if you did manage to pull it off.

Once you hit one of the bigger ramps, you lock eyes with Natasha, and your whole mind goes blank. You can’t stop staring and you’re quickly reminded of all those thoughts you’d just had. Which was not ideal, considering you had just launched yourself about 20 feet in the air. 

Shit.

Instead of doing some epic flip in the air, you just sail through it and start plummeting to the earth. But lucky for you, you’re an avenger. You’re also heading for a nice pile of snow.

Snow is surprisingly hard, and you groan as you lay buried there, regretting many of your life choices. Not only had you eaten complete shit, you had done it in front of your long time crush. This was the worst trip you had ever been on.

“Leave me to my shame,” you whine as you feel someone undoing your boots from your snowboard before pulling you out by your leg.

Your embarrassment only grows as you look up into green eyes that are filled with worry.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Natasha asks. Checking you over for any sign of blood or broken bones.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you say, not quite meeting her eyes.

“You gonna explain what that was about then?” she asks with a hint of amusement as she helps you up.

You smile sheepishly and admit, “I was trying to show off.”

“Why?”

Being this close to her now, with her hands still lightly clasping yours and an adorable little frown on her face, you can’t find it in you to lie.

“I was trying to impress you. I really like you Natasha,” you confess quietly.

Her face slackens at your words, and you can feel your stomach sink. You gentle pull your hands from hers, letting out a long breath as you look down. Waiting for whatever her reaction might be.

To your surprise, a gloved hand comes up and cups your jaw. Tilting your head back up before a pair of soft lips land on your own.

You relax into the kiss as she holds you there. Blinking slowly when she pulls back with a sigh.

“I like you too, Y/N,” she says shyly. A smile tugging at her mouth and her face just a bit redder than it was before.

“How come you never said anything?” you ask, still not quite believing this was actually happening.

“I’m not really the best when it come to this whole feelings thing, so I wanted to makes sure that you might have felt the same about me before I did anything,” she trails off.

“Oh.”

The redhead hums. “And for the record you don’t have to impress me. I’ve seen what you can do, it’s pretty badass,” she says with a wink, before holding out her hand. “Now come on, I’ll get you a hot chocolate. Think of it as our first date.”

You can’t help the grin that breaks out onto your face as you take Natasha’s hand and let her drag you back up the mountain. 

Maybe this trip wasn’t so bad after all.

[astrozones]

Gay Eyes - Prinxiety

@idkwhyimhere0o0 , @slitherynchiken bc yall wanted to see this uwu

Original Post here!

Summary: "Gay eyes" was a stupid concept. Virgil could hardly believe his ears when Roman suggested it earlier that day- when they were trying to pursue Nico. And of course, it didn't work. Because it was stupid. Idiotic. So why couldn't he stop thinking about it- or the boy who had suggested it?

Discord: Astro’s Zone

Ship: Prinxiety

Read on AO3

Spoiler warning for Flirting With Social Anxiety!! 

Gay eyes, right?

 That’s what he called them?

 It was stupid. A stupid name, a stupid concept, a stupid- ugh, everything!

 So why couldn’t he stop thinking about it-!

 Virgil groaned, turning himself around so he could shove his face onto the pillow. Ughhhhhhhh. 

 Maybe it was because Roman looked so damn pretty doing it and- nope! Not going down that train of thought. At least, not for the fifth time tonight.

 ‘Gay eyes’. Ugh. Something about that was familiar. Did someone do them to Thomas? No, no, he would’ve heard Roman prattling on about it in a lovestruck monologue if someone did. That much was certain.

 Ah- maybe- well, Thomas had to have done it sometime, right? He seemed so familiar with the concept. That must be why he was understood it. It was the only logical reason, at least. Heh, maybe Logan would be proud of him for coming up with an understandable conclusion.

 But- that wasn’t it, was it? Something in his nonexistent heart told him so. And while he made a point to not listen to his heart- it could get them in so many dangerous situations, after all- he spent a few more minutes thinking about it. Just in case.

 He couldn’t think of anything else though. No matter how many paths he went through, nothing made sense, except for if another Side had done them while he was watching or something and-!

 Oh.

 Oh.

 God, he remembered it- about 3 weeks ago, Roman was acting weird. And not his normal type of fantastical-focused weirdness either. He hadn’t thought much of it- that was a lie, he spent too much time thinking about it- but Roman kept looking over at Virgil, both of them sitting at opposite ends of the couch.

 When Virgil finally chanced looking over and meeting his eyes, Roman simply raised an eyebrow at him. A second later, he switched his expression to an innocent one, looking away, and back, where he lifted his eyebrow again with a smirk.

 What the fuck, he had thought. Huh? Ugh- whatever. Ro’ was just messing around. Virgil let out a scoff, lightly pushing Roman with a small laugh as he stood up and walked to the kitchen- Patton was starting to look longingly at the stove again, and Virgil decided he would supervise. They didn’t want a repeat of last time.

 Looking back on it, though… Was Roman… flirting with him? With Virgil? None of the others had been in the room, except for Patton, who was on the opposite side. So it must have been Virgil.

 But- why?

 Why Virgil? Was he pranking him? No, Roman wouldn’t do that, he was too serious about romance.

 That meant… that he was serious. That he was trying to flirt… with Virgil.

 The chances of Roman pranking him seemed far higher than the chances of Roman actually liking Virgil back, but- well, all the signs said he was genuine.

 Wait.

 Oh God.

 If he was flirting with him, that means- that means that Virgil just brushed off his flirting without a second thought. That he- did he accidentally reject Roman? Shit, shit, shitshitshit- FUCK! He must hate Virgil now and his chances were ruined and he’d be single forever and-

 Breathe. He- he had to breathe.

 In, out.

 Okay. Okay, he just had to think about it logically. Logically, Roman’s feelings for him wouldn’t go away just because Virgil rejected him (he rejected him! FUCK! FUCK!). Logically, he still had a chance.

 But what if he didn’t- what if Roman already convinced himself out of it, or what if he realized he wasn’t that interested after all and now he’s grateful I didn’t understand, or what if he- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

 Okay- okay- he just… he had to make a plan to tell Roman. Easy. Yeah, that was a good idea.

 --

 This was a horrible idea. By far the worst of his ideas. Why was he doing this idea?!?

 Well, he supposed, this is why I’m not Creativity.

 He sat down on the couch, opposite of Roman. Step one, done.

 Roman glanced up at him, flashing a radiant smile before turning back to his book- something fantasy related, most likely. Fuck I’m gay.

 Could anyone blame him, though? Roman was just so pretty! Kind, too, he just wanted the best for everyone. He had a pretty straightforward set of right and wrong, but he was learning, and trying his best to make things right. Fuck, he was so passionate too. Virgil could sit there listening for hours as he ranted on about all his new ideas. He wanted to do that, he wanted to be there for Roman, to trust him enough to share thoughts he wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

 Oh shit, he had been staring at him for too long. Roman was looking at him with concern and curiosity. Enact step two, enact step two!

 Quickly, before he had a chance to feel scared about it- he let an eyebrow rise up, silently staring at Roman with a smile. He let the expression fall, looking away, then looking back, before switching back with a smirk.

 Fuck, Roman just looked confused. What were the steps again? What did he miss?!? I knew this was a bad idea-

 Roman softly gasped. Virgil’s gaze shot to him as a brilliantly bright blush adorned Roman’s face.

 Good reaction?

 “Was that- did you-?” Roman giggled, quickly covering his head with his hands.

 This is good-? No! No, this is bad! A bad reaction! You fucked up Virgil, ABORT, ABORT-

 “Roman, Virgil! It’s time to eat breakfast!” Patton called from the dining room. Shit. Now he couldn’t run away.

 --

 Roman kept trying to catch his gaze while they were eating. He saw it in the corner of his eye. But Virgil’s gaze stayed diligently on his food, eating quickly so he could run get away faster.

 “I’m going to my room- BYE!” he rushed out, disposing of the dishes before sprinting back to his room. He didn’t want to see the pitying glance Roman sent him.

 He face-planted straight onto his bed. He felt like crying, and he desperately fought back the tears that would tell everyone just what he was feeling.

 Fuck, why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut. Or, rather, repressed his feelings and lived with the fact that Roman would never like him back? Of course Roman wouldn’t feel the same- why would he? When Virgil was so much worse than him? 

 Fuck.

 He froze as a knock sounded at the door.

 Fucking shit- this was Roman coming to officially reject him, wasn’t it. Shit, not right now! Not when he was still processing it! He was gonna burst into tears!

 Biting his lip, he slowly made his way over to the door, opening it ever so cautiously.

 There stood Roman, bouncing on his heels with a grin. Virgil frowned, why is he so ecstatic about rejecting me? I thought he considered me a friend now…

 Roman opened his mouth to speak. Deny it! Deny it!

 “It was a joke.” Virgil blurted out. Roman’s stopped in place, staring at him.

 “What?” 

 “I didn’t mean it. Me doing the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing? It was a joke.” he murmured, fiddling with his sleeves. Roman made a strained noise.

 “I- um- I see. That, uh, that makes sense. Thanks for clarifying, Virgil. If you’ll excuse me, I really must be going now. Ideas to explore, and all. Toodle-oo!”

 And with that, Roman left.

 --

 “Of course it was too good to be true,” Roman moaned, falling back onto his thousands of pillows strewn over the floor. His body shook as he tried to hold back sobs.

 He had been trying to show hints to Virgil for ages, y’know. Roman was brave, but not brave enough to say it outright. He’d hoped- well, he’d hoped that after he showed a few hints, maybe, just maybe, Virgil would show some signs back. Just enough that Roman could be sure that his feelings were returned. 

 And he thought… that this was it. That Virgil’s sudden understanding of ‘gay eyes’ was the sign that he was looking for! 

 He always knew his endless optimism would come to bite him some day.

 “FUCK!” he shouted to no one. Thankfully he had soundproofed his room ages ago, after enough noise complaints from Logan about his singing. He wiped his tears away, scoffing as new ones just took their place.

 He should have known Virgil was too perfect for him.

 With his endearingly sarcastic attitude, his wonderfully precious giggles, and of course his smile- it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen for him sooner.

 He silently cursed his past self. Why couldn’t he have just let it go and accepted him into the group? Maybe this wouldn’t have happened in the first place- maybe Virgil would be able to like him romantically. 

 God, what he would give to be able to cuddle with Virgil… to hug him, to hold hands, maybe even kiss him…

 But he couldn’t.

 Because Virgil had rejected him.

 --

 Dumbass, Virgil’s brain told him. He huffed. What, he asked, am I not suffering enough already?

 His mind didn’t respond. Virgil groaned. This usually meant that he had to actually figure something out instead of just wallowing in his sorrow.

 Rude.

 He rubbed at his eyes, debating whether he should actually follow directions and think over things.

 Nah, he decided, switching onto his side as he elected to just sleep and forget about today.

 He likes you back!

 Psh, yeah right. The only way Roman could like him back is if he had been coming over to confirm his feelings or some shit. That was impossible.

 …

 Wait, he thought, sitting up. Wait. Maybe I am a dumbass.

 Because the more he thought about it, the more it became apparent that it actually wasn’t impossible. In fact, it might just be… plausible. 

 Holy shit.

 He stood up, frantically searching for his hoodie. He had to tell Roman, he had to. Before it was too late.

 Picking it up, he hurried over to the mirror. Fuck, he looked like a disaster. Hair askew, makeup nonexistent, eyes wide in panic. At least he hadn’t cried- crying, Virgil, he could be crying. Go, hurry!

 Whipping open the door, he hurried down the hallway. Passing Patton in the kitchen, he gave him a nod as he ran.

 “What are you doing up?” Patton asked, a cup of water in his hand. “You should be going to sleep.”

 “Can’t-” Virgil huffed out, stopping for only a few seconds. “I have to go- gotta- clear something up.”

 He left before Patton could come up with a response.

 --

 “Roman,” he whisper-shouted, frantically knocking on the door. “Roman!”

 The door opened, revealing a tired Roman. Virgil noticed with a pain in his chest that his eyes were red from crying.

 “What?”

 “I meant it,” he rushed out. “I meant it- the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing. As stupid as it is, I meant it.” Roman’s eyes widened.

 “I did- but I thought you were gonna reject me- so I said it was a joke and I know, I know, I’m so, so stupid, but say you like me back and I might just kiss you.”

 For seconds that felt like eons, Roman stayed silent.

 “Oh God, please do. I like you back, I have for a long time actua- mmf-!”

 Before he was even done talking, Virgil had grabbed the collar of his pyjamas- a red t-shirt, with a crown placed in the center because this boy just cannot stop getting more adorable- and pulled him forward.

 Their lips met, and Virgil’s heart melted. He moved his hands to caress Roman’s face. He felt warm- content, even, which couldn’t be true because he was Anxiety and Anxiety never felt content without a thousand other thoughts harassing him- but he was free from negative feelings, head empty as all he processed was Roman’s lips on his and that he was feeling loved.

 He slowly separated from the boy, gasping for air and fighting the urge to dive back in and kiss him again- because holy fuck he had kissed Roman!

 “I thought- I thought you didn’t like me back.” Roman whispered, voice cracking in the middle. Virgil shook his head vehemently. 

 “I- fuck no, Ro’, that’s impossible. I- fuck- you’re great, Ro’, I adore you.” 

 Roman broke out into a grin, leaning his forehead against Virgil’s.

“I adore you, too.”