#dumb shit poison Ivy would probably say

[gaynaturalistghost]

Dandelions are, botanically speaking, a fruit (specifically the cypselae, which are attached to the silky parachute). But the founding fathers don’t want you to know this. They have been anti-fruit from the beginning. Consider the uproar about tomatoes.

St. Louis Globe-Democrat, Missouri, July 1, 1922 

[forthereaderinserts]

Request for dumbass trio my beloveds

Just more general protective headcannons for them, like how protective would they be in a not toxic way lol

I don’t know which dumbass trio you’re talking about but I’ll do it

The OG Dumbbass trio

(Naruto, Sasuke and you)

First of all, please stop Naruto from eating any plants. He will try to eat them even if they’re poisonous, he wants to see if his body can “handle” it. Then Sasuke will try to eat the plant because he refuses to be one-upped by Naruto. God help you if you’re all on a mission and you have to turn back because those two idiots wouldn’t keep their mouths off of the ivy.

Sad to say this, but you’re most likely the one who’s holding the braincell. You’re the rock in the river holding two idiots from going over the waterfall. That also means you’re the one that has to tell Kakashi and Sakura when they eat the poisonous plants in the wild.

That also means you’re the one who has to get them to the hospital because they are dumb. They’ve probably eaten a hallucinogenic on accident and couldn’t walk for even a second before smacking face first into the dirt.

Naruto has definitely tried to eat a rock before. Not even a small pebble. He tried to eat a whole fucking rock.

Sasuke keeps trying to fight anything and anyone who pisses him off. Civilian or ninja, he’s fighting them. Well try to anyways, considering you were genin at the time, he probably wouldn’t gotten very far. When he can’t fight someone, he’ll go to you and Naruto and start flinging his hands everywhere and ranting.

You have probably eaten a bug once. Or maybe twice. Or maybe whenever you’re dared to. Which is often. Too often, it’s a little out of hand actually. Kakashi has seen you throw up more than 8 separate times trying to eating a wasp. Yeah good luck with that one Kakashi.

When Sasuke left the village, you probably went with him because he needs emotional support tbh. And that’s how you ended up with the Akatsuki and created that dumbass trio.

Akatsuki Dumbass trio

(Hidan, Deidara and you)

It’s a little strange how you three came together as one trio, seeing as you all don’t have that much in common. You’re like the glue for you three, and also the one with the braincell. Although it’s not often, you do get to be the one out of control from time to time. But mostly because you want to steal and Hidan and Deidara are just…not very good at it.

Hidan has tried to sacrifice Deidara at least 5 times the first week all of you were hanging out.

Every time Deidara remembers this, he puts little bombs in inconvenient places to blow up on Hidan. Just to be a nuisance.

Deidara was probably the first one to hang out with you, Hidan following after because…well let’s be honest. He loves chaos and will do anything to cause it or be apart of it.

After becoming friends, Hidan has subtly tried to make you and Deidara convert because he wants you guys to also worship Jashin to become immortal. I mean it probably worked? You’re still alive by the time Hidan was buried, and the by the time Deidara had that fight with Sasuke.

Speaking of Sasuke, Deidara was definitely not jealous of the fact that you and Sasuke also hung out. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. He also sees you hang around Itachi to tell him about all the trouble you, Sasuke and Naruto got into. He wants to get into that kind of trouble too. But you’re all criminals so technically you can’t.

Warring period Dumbass trio

(Madara, Hashirama and you)

Ok. Same people, different time but Madara is the one with the braincell most of the time. You could take one look at the three of you and point out which one was the brains.

To be honest, you’re all dumbasses but in varying levels. You being the chaos, everything is on fire dumbass, Hashirama being the heart of gold dumbass, and Madara being I want to kill people dumbass.

When you three met and didn’t kill each other. Holy shit. The sign of relief you let you when it didn’t happen. Doesn’t matter which clan you’re apart of, you did not want to be in the middle of that.

You three got into some trouble as kids and as adults. Different kinds of trouble, though. Kids being kids and pulling pranks, running around in villages and knocking people over. Trouble as adults being… you and Madara set a market place on fire. Completely on accident. 100%. No- no other reason.

You and Hashirama can’t do math well. It’s very hard and Tobirama is the one to help out most of the time.

You and Madara have definitely set other things on fire. When his father was being incredibly horrible, you and him would set his bed on fire so he’d have to sleep on the ground.

You have definitely punched their dads in the face at least…twice. You never apologized for it and you never will.

When the Uzumaki priestess came around, Madara and Hashirama began to drift apart. They both wanted what was best for their clans but the Uchiha had it rigged against them from the start and the Senju bloodline was dwindling. That’s a lot of responsibility.

It was your death that sent them careening apart. You spent more time with Hashirama and saw his struggles more often and because of this, Madara blamed Hashirama for your death. Seeing as you spent so much time together.

We all know how this story ends.

[lowkeyerror]

Just My Luck

Poison Ivy x Reader

Word Count: 1925

No Warnings

An: Ivy doesn't get nearly enough fan service. More Ivy fics plssss

Masterlist

Pt2

Everyone knows that Gotham is full of lowlifes and criminals. It's not a place to raise a family or settle down in. You're lucky if you make it through the day without someone trying to rob you at the least.

All of that aside, Gotham is the only home you've ever known. You were just a regular person trying to live your day to day without dying. Which was hard with your condition.

You called it a condition but no one else had seen it that way. You were terribly unlucky when it came to avoiding danger. So unlucky that you had cited yourself as a victim of Murphy's Law. Anything bad that could happen would happen.

You had so many close encounters with the villains of Gotham that they knew you by name. They actually really like you because you were around that meant they'd be getting away with whatever it was they were doing.

You'd met Scarecrow, Penguin, Riddler, Deathstroke, The Joker and all scared the living shit out of you. Seeing a fucking psychopath smile when they see you is always horrifying.

You had met some of Gotham's most illustrious women but it was different with them. Catwoman and Harley were always awfully flirty whenever they came across you.

You knew that they weren't necessarily good guys but it seemed like a stretch to say that they were just as bad as the guys.

Your thoughts always wander back to topics like these. Even at times like this, where all you were doing was sitting on the rooftop of your workplace for your break.

You had your legs dangling off the edge of the building, eating your turkey sandwich, minding your own business.

That was it until you heard thuds on the rooftop. With your sandwich in hand you turned around. You weren’t fazed when you saw Harley and Catwoman panting with their backs flat against the concrete.

They immediately put their guard up when they heard the footsteps approaching them but relaxed when they saw you.

" Thank God you're here I don't think I could run anymore'" Catwoman let her body fall back to the concrete.

" How ya doin princess?" Harley asked, causing you to blush.

" I'm ok, should I even ask what you guys are doing?"

" The usual taking something that doesn't belong to us," Harley answers for the both of them.

Your eyes dart to their bag of stolen goods. You see some clothes, some jewelry, and an odd looking plant.

" See something you like, Y/nn"

You let your eyes linger on the plant before answering," That just seems a little misplaced Catwoman"

" Does she not know your name kitty?" Harley ignores most of your comments.

" You can call me Selena, beautiful and the plant is for Ivy"

You weren’t dumb, you knew they were talking about Poison Ivy. The only villain that you hadn’t had an encounter with. Part of you was really curious as to how you hadn’t run into the woman. She was honestly hard to miss with her having green skin and all.

" Never met her"

Harley's eyes almost looked like they were going to pop out of her head," HOW HAVE YOU NEVER MET IVY? Oh my goodness, you'd love her. No chemicals needed of course."

You shook your head," You think so?"

" Ivy's more than a crazy plant lady; she's actually a certified chemist," Harley adds on.

" You know she could probably help you with your thing," Selena comments, making your eyebrows lift.

" You think she could help me with Murphy's law?"

Selena shrugs," She could at least tell you if its a chemical imbalance or something else"

All the doctors you'd previously been to were no help. They didn't take your disease seriously. They didn't believe that being unlucky was something that they could diagnose. Maybe you needed someone who was a little unhinged to check it out. Someone who would be interested enough to figure out what was wrong with you.

" I want to meet her"

Harley and Selena looked at each other for a minute as if they were having a secret conversation. Selena looked to be on the more hostile side of things whereas Harley was more relaxed.

After they'd come to a conclusion they turned their attention back to you," Well looks like you're coming with us today"

Selena led the way and Harley had dragged you along behind her. You didn't talk much during the walk, too immersed in thought.

This should've been a red flag for you. Why on Earth were you letting two fugitives take you to another fugitive on the basis that she might be able to help you? Maybe you had spent too much time around the criminals. Enough to be desensitized from their horrible deeds and be able to see them as just any other person.

Desensitized didn't feel like the right word though. A small part of your brain liked to convince you that Harley and Selena were kind of like your friends. Though you only learned Selena's name today it just felt organic with them.

" Not that I'm surprised but you're pretty quiet, beautiful. Thinking about going home?" Selena spared a glance back at you but kept her brisk walking pace.

" No, I just- it's dumb nevermind"

" Well now you've just gotta share with the class Y/nn," Harley swung your intertwined hands higher in the air causing you to laugh a little.

" Fine, it's just that I don't get out much, you know. Which means I don't have many friends and I don't know. Sometimes I like to think you guys are my friends"

Selena stopped in her tracks and turned around to make sure you could see her rolling her eyes at you," Well what a crazy thought that is. It's not like we're taking you to possibly find out a reason behind this… whatever the fuck you call it, that plagues your life"

" I-"

" Even though from a business standpoint it'd be better for us to just let you keep the chaos coming"

Harley smiles at you," What she's trying to say is of course we're friends princess. I mean trust me if we didn't like ya, you'd know by now"

You could feel the back of your neck warming with embarrassment," Well um that's good to know"

Selena scoffs a little before walking back towards you and Harley and grabbing your other hand," In all seriousness we are your friends, probably your only friends. We may be criminals but we've got your back okay?"

" Kitty's right, you can call us for anything; if ya get stuck on the toilet with no tissue, if ya need us to get rid of somebody, or if ya just wanna hang out."

" Don't call me for toilet paper Y/n," Selena says slightly disgusted, "The other stuff is fine. You could even just stop by our place." She nodded her head towards what looked to be a rundown apartment building.

" Thanks guys that means a lot"

Selena released your hand," Enough of that now, let's get you to Ivy"

When you entered their apartment it was surprisingly what you had expected. There were a couple of things scattered around that could only belong to Harley Quinn. There were a couple of claw marks on the wall that most likely came from Selena. There were also a couple of vines just laying around the floor which you assumed was Ivy's doing.

" Honey, we're home and we gotcha somethin special," Harley called out before plopping down on the couch.

You followed suit and sat right next to her. You hadn't really been nervous up until this point but when your eyes landed on Ivy your heart rate almost tripled.

You could see why she was so intoxicating. Unbeknownst to yourself, your eyes traveled the length of her body. From her toned long legs all the way up to her flowing red hair.

A panic shot through you when you realized she was strutting towards you. If your heart hadn’t wasn't beating fast before, now it was trying to escape your chest.

One of her hands reached out and brought your chin down so that you were forced to look into her eyes.

She took her time looking over you before her eyes snapped back to yours," If you two brought me this pretty little flower it must be my lucky day"

Your eyes went wide and you struggled to find the words you wanted to say.

" Absolutely not, we brought you a plant. That's Y/n"

Ivy hummed at what Selena said but didn't show any signs of moving away from you," Well Y/n, I'm Ivy. I've heard a lot about you but no one told me you were so easy on the eyes"

One of her fingers traced your jaw causing you to lose any thought that previously occupied your head.

" We were actually wondering if you could help her, Ives," Harley said, reminding you that you were right next to her.

Ivy didn't bother glancing at Harley," Are you always this reserved little flower?"

That statement was enough to slightly break you from your trance," God is a woman and her celestial beauty has made me speechless"

" Good going Ivy, you broke her even more," Harley pushed the other woman away from you before slapping you in the face.

" Y/n if you can hear speak normally. Not like you're in some cheesy romance novel. Who even uses the word celestial?"

" Ouch, what the fuck Harley?"

" Ivy's pheromones were getting all in your brain"

Selena was laughing in her seat, " Harley, I don't think those were Ivy's pheromones. I think Y/n here was good old fashioned flustered"

Your eyes shifted away in embarrassment, " So you mean to tell me you meant to say that celestial beauty line?"

" I mean, meant to say it is kind of a strong phrase. It just kind of slipped out," your eyes were focused on anything but any of the three women in the room.

" Don't worry about it Y/n, I thought it was very cute. And Harley if you ever push me again I'll leave you tied to a street lamp for a week," Ivy dusted herself off and sent a glare at Harley.

Harley rolled her eyes," Don't be so dramatic Ives."

Selena cleared her throat," I think we're getting off course. We brought Y/n here to see if you could help her with her bad luck thingy"

" Murphy's law," you corrected her.

Ivy's eyes lit up at the mention of it," Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

You nodded, " That's the one."

She circled around you a few times making you stand up straighter," I can run a few tests but I don't want to do that until after I've… thoroughly studied you"

You could feel your mouth dry almost instantly," W-well how long will that take?"

You could feel the green woman leaning closer to you from behind," Let's just say we'll be spending a lot of time together."

You almost fainted when her lips grazed your ears," Dear God"

" Yes?" Ivy answered in a melodic tone.

This was the start of a new chapter in your life. You could already tell that meeting Poison Ivy was going to change your life. It only took one look in her eyes for you to become enthralled by her. Having her help you figure out this "bad luck thing" was definitely going to be an experience.

[riverrunscold]

Harley Quinn for character thingy! :D

Gonna start this off with the fact that I will probably be talking about the Harley Quinn in the DCEU and Harley Quinn in the comics kinda interchangeably. Love them both!

How I feel about this character: 

I love her! She's a badass, she's a psychiatrist, she's insane, she's an acrobat, she has a cute accent, she loves animals, she escaped her toxic partner in all the media she's been in now.

I love that she brings her PhD and acrobatics into fights, it really scratches my brain. Also I love her outfits in Birds of Prey and genuinely want to wear a few of them.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

Poison Ivy and Harley, pretty much every iteration and that's about it. Maybe a little Gotham City Sirens ot3 too.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

Her and Rick Flag (even though I think he's a little overrated shh), they're surprisingly wholesome. A friendship that just exists in my head right now is Harley and Adrian Chase from Peacemaker; I just think they'd be neat and also my bisexual ass needs them fighting together (or each other, I'm not picky).

Also her and Power Girl from the comics are a cute brotp (and Harley has a very obvious very cute crush on her).

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

I think Harley can be really cool and fun in the right hands or really badly written because she's just there to be sexualized (ahem ss 2016 ahem). Also I don't like Harley's voice in her animated show very much, the show's still fun and no hate to the actress because I think she's good, but the accent is pretty much non-existent and I love Harley's accent, which is a big reason why I love Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn, she nails the accent. And one more very important thing, Harley should leave the Joker in literally every media they're in because he's horrible to her and she deserves better.

Also not sure if this is an unpopular opinion but I've seen a lot of people say they don't like it. I liked Harley in The Suicide Squad! People think she's being written as dumb but I don't think so honestly. I just think that through most of the movie she's suffering through hallucinations and mania probably because of being shocked so much.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish that we could see DCEU Harley with Zoë Kravitz's Catwoman with a DCEU Ivy. It's kinda dumb to me that for some reason The Batman isn't connected to the DCEU so I will continue to pretend it is (also in my head it's also connected to the Gotham universe shhh). Also want to see her and Ivy's relationship in the DCEU! As well as at least some references to Harley being Jewish.

my OTP:

Harlivy, Harley and Ivy. There are no other Harley ships actually.

my cross over ship:

Back in my cringe repressed bisexual who didn't know queer people existed phase I used to ship Deadpool and Harley. But now I see them as more of a brotp. I just think they'd share jokes and brutalize some goons together and look good doing it. Also matching color schemes go brrr.

a headcanon fact:

She's bisexual (canon), she's Jewish (canon but needs to be mentioned more in the DCEU), she's trans, she has ADHD (just like me fr fr), she has BPD, she played baseball when she was young which is why she loves using a baseball bat as a weapon. She doesn't wear her glasses or contacts post Ace Chemicals because she can't fight well in them so she just goes nearsighted and doesn't give much of a shit (because I do this, she's just like- *gunshot*)

(anyways)

She wanted to be a vet growing up (being an animal lover) but then realized, like many of us, that shits wrong in her brain so she's gotta figure that out and wow this stuff is interesting! Boom psychiatrist.

She partied in college but also studied hard and knows everything there is to know about the human brain.

She has two little brothers she loves a lot and basically raised as a kid but hasn't seen them since her relationship with the Joker.

Contrary to popular belief she's very empathetic as a psychiatrist but covers a lot of that with humor and comedy which she watched a lot of growing up.

She wanted to join the circus at one point in high school which is why she got into acrobatics but cue the *I learned acrobatics and all I got was this toxic pretentious clown* shirt.

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

Since no one asked last week, and this week was pretty light for me anyway, I'll throw in a couple from last week that I want to talk about.

Action Comics #1048 - I love Bibbo, I love the concept of this ex-tough guy who manages to bond with Superman, and I'm fond of the trope where the guy with a checkered past has a way with kids. Heh that callback to Bendis was fantastic and well implemented. Perkins' design for Metallo was a solid evolution of the basic Terminator knockoff look, I'd be ok with this being his appearance going forward as long as it got a better color scheme, but Lex says it's just a stopgate measure. Speaking of Lex and Metallo I love how Metallo was able to get under Lex's skin, and then seeing the lengths Lex will go to get Metallo back under his thumb reminds you what a bastard he is.

Catwoman: Lonely City #4 - Pitch perfect Catwoman story. She sacrifices so much out of love for Bruce, only to discover that the mission is always going to come first for him. Even his dying words to her were just an attempt to come back so he could fight his war for a little while longer. First story to really make me buy Selina and Eddie as a couple, and Chiang's art was beautiful the whole way through. Well worth the wait between issues.

DC Mech #4 - No clue why reviewers are tearing this a new one, it remains sold and entertaining for me.

DC vs. Vampires #10 - Never in a million years would I have guessed that this would be the best follow up to Russel's depiction of Jayna in his Wonder Twins mini.

Detective Comics #1065 - Remains enjoyable but the decompression is really dragging this story out.

Human Target #8 - Weakest issue of the series thus far, almost like a recap issue which feels pointless given this is meant to be read in a trade.

A.X.E. Judgement Day #6 - Probably the best Marvel event since Hickman's Secret Wars, and one that managed to shake up the status quo in a way that feels meaningful, while still not fundamentally upending the status quo. Even this limited application of Krakoa resurrections for humans feels like it's on borrowed time given Fall of X is coming next year. I enjoyed this event as an attempt at doing an event that still gives the end of the world threat, while also providing an opportunity to do more small scale storytelling about the people in the MU (not that many writers took advantage of it). The judgements offered an opportunity for characters to examine themselves and really ask the question if they were living up to what they were meant to be. Most writers just used them to shill their characters as awesome, only Gillen himself actually failed anyone, and that was disappointing if unsurprising.

Strange #7 - Glad that we skipped right over the angst and got right to Clea and Strange reconciling and joining forces.

Batman #129 - Incredibly dumb but no less enjoyable for being a story where Batman builds a robot that can solo the DCU (again). Backup continues to be the better story, which isn't a slight against the main story.

Poison Ivy #6 - Hm. One of the reasons I enjoyed this was that it seemed committed to Ivy being a villain. This issue pulls back on that and I can't say I'm a fan.

Gotham City: Year One #2 - I'm a little offput whenever writers establish that there were a bunch of expies of famous Batman characters before the time of Batman, I think that detracts from the insanity of the super-crime era Batman ushers in, but this remains the good Tom King shit.

X-Men Red #8 - Ewing lays out Brand's plan, and picks up and delivers on a Hickman plot threat that the man himself isn't around to do any longer. Doesn't do it in the way Hickman planned I'd wager, but it's still a "holy shit" reveal that delivers a sense of stakes and scope that has been lacking since Hickman departed.

Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing #2 - I picked this up initially just because Rosenberg seems to be getting a push at DC, and surprisingly I've enjoyed it. I'm guessing one of the two Jokers is Clayface.

The New Champion of Shazam #3 - Wish this book was less grounded so we could see Shaner cut loose with the magic, but Campbell's voice for Mary remains on point. That teacher might as well have walked up to Mary and told her hey I'm the villain who has your parents.

Hulk #10 - Yawn. Too derivative of past stories, obviously there's the Planet Hulk repeat, but the whole "Bruce is suffering from terminal brain damage that will kill him" is something I've seen in Jason Aaron and Jenkin's runs before too.

[angst-fairygodmother]

I’d like to request: “You can hold onto me if you’re scared, you know?” with Nathan/Reader, pretty please? 👀

A/N: This was so fun to write! Thank you for the lovely Nathan prompt. Word Count: 1265 Content Warning: a little spice, swearing

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” you whispered as you shifted positions and peered, squinting through the darkness. 

Someone had been vandalizing the community center every night for the past two weeks, and given that Nathan lived there (despite your attempts to convince him to let you help him find a proper place) and you didn’t want him to get blamed for it if anyone found out about the arrangement, you had agreed to help stake-out the place and catch them in the act. You had tried to convince the others to help as well, even appealing to their more selfish nature by pointing out that you all kept having to cleaning up the mess, but only Simon had agreed. Of course, he had also bailed about an hour ago after drifting off at his “post” and reminding you and Nathan that morning would come early. So now it was just the two of you, in the dead of night, situated in a shadowy overhang not far from the building, hoping to spot someone.

You shivered, trying to tell yourself the chill you felt was just from the night air, and hoping Nathan didn’t notice.

“Of course it is. I’m immortal and ya’ve got yer whole badass Poison Ivy thing going. Even if someone decides to mess with us, they’ll lose,” Nathan said, louder than you would have liked. 

“I didn’t take you for a Batman fan,” you said, chuckling at the reference.

“What? No. Mum liked that old movie a lot, so I’ve seen it,” he shrugged. “I think she really liked lookin at Clooney in that skintight armor stuff. I don’t see the appeal.”

“Well, you’re also not a middle aged woman, which I think is pretty much his demographic,” you teased before sobering again quickly. “Your logic only works if we’re near enough something I can use, and don’t know if you’ve noticed but there’s not a lot of life around the center.”

“Ah, but that’s why I brought you...this!” he said dramatically, lifting his jacket which had been sitting in a bundle next to him and revealing a small, pathetic little plant that looked like it might have been rather aggressively dug up from the park next door and then promptly crushed further under the fabric for hours.

Still you felt your anxiety disappear, at least for the moment. As with most things about Nathan, the gesture was thoughtful, even if the execution was flawed.

“Aw, poor thing,” you cooed, cupping the cutting when he placed it in your outstretched hands. 

You took a deep breath, trying to focus and pep it up a bit now, in case you needed it later (and maybe a little because you felt sorry that Nathan had battered it). You still weren’t entirely sure how your powers worked, but you knew that when you pictured things growing or blooming, they did. 

After a few minutes, the little plant was looking much fuller and greener and you looked up, eyes meeting a different, even more beautiful green as you caught Nathan staring at you. He quickly looked away, but not before you caught the tenderness and awe on his face and you bit your lip, face heating. 

Something clattered off to your left, and even though it was probably just a stray dog or something, you tensed. It was followed by a high whistle cutting through the night and making you jump.

“Fuck, what was that?” you whispered, looking wildly around for a source. 

“Ya can hold onto me if ye’re scared, ye know?” Nathan teased, nudging closer to you. 

You rolled your eyes, but whatever remark you might have made died on your tongue as the sounds drew closer: shuffling, and the thump of shoes on concrete, and occasionally, that damn whistle-shriek. 

You clutched tightly to Nathan’s arm with one hand, nails digging into his sweatshirt and you both drew backward further into the shadows of your hiding spot. His hot breath tickled against your neck and an arm slipped around your waist, keeping you close. 

“This is cozy,” he quipped softly, lips tickling your ear and you could practically imagine the wiggle of his bushy eyebrows. 

“Seriously? We are hiding from who knows who or what and you still can’t shut up?” you hissed.

“I’m just taking advantage of a moment. Ya know, like that fancy saying. ‘Carpet dean’ or whatever.”

“Carpet…” you frowned. 

And then it dawned on you what Nathan actually meant and you had to press your lips together to hold in your giggle. 

“Oh Nathan,” you sighed, shaking your head. “It’s ‘carpe diem.’ Seize the day.”

“Ain’t that what I said?”

“If you were really seizing the moment, you would have just done this.”

Before he could ask what you meant, you had leaned upward, planting your lips on his and burying one hand in his hair, the other still clinging to his forearm. He made a small noise in the back of his throat, pulling you closer and cupping the back of your neck. His tongue ran teasingly over your lip and you parted readily, allowing him to dive in hungrily to explore your mouth, your tongue dancing with his. He pushed you back gently, your shoulders bumping against the brick wall behind you, giving him even more advantage over you, not that you were complaining in the least. You tugged lightly on his curls, relishing in his moan against your mouth. 

The sound of shattering glass very close by had you suddenly leaping apart, both scrambling to find the source. There, a few feet away and just barely visible from the distant street light are a couple of dumb teens taking pot shots at the windows with bricks and a baseball bat and passing a joint between them. 

“Gotcha, ya little shits,” Nathan muttered, moving to confront them before you caught his arm.

“That bat gives them a distinct advantage if you go pick a fight,” you pointed out.

He scoffed. 

“Besides, wouldn’t it be loads more fun to screw with them?”

That mischievous smirk that you made your stomach do flips crept across his face. “Oh? What did you have in mind?”

You laid out your plan for him, which involved a) using your powers to cause their joint to sprout and bloom in their hands, b) Nathan making horrible noises from the shadows, and c) if that didn’t work, just running at them, maybe using your powers and the little plant he had so kindly collected to give him a strange and monstrous appearance. 

He chuckled, grin wide and eyes bright. “Oh Y/N, that’s brilliant. They’re sure to shit themselves! I love ye...r evil mind.”

You flushed, grinning back at him.

One of the teens threw a firecracker at the ground near the doors, causing the whistling noise that you had heard earlier and lighting up the side of the building where a third was spray-painting crude images on the wall. 

“Oh come on,” you muttered. “That is an insult to street artists.”

Nathan quirked an eyebrow at you. 

“Oh don’t start,” you growled. “Let’s just do this hey? I have better things to be doing.”

“Better things then spending time with me?” he cried, placing his hand on his chest and gasping dramatically.

“Did I say that?” you smirked at him.

His face scrunched adorably in confusion. You waited expectantly as what you were implying slowly dawned on him. 

“Oh. Oh!” His emerald eyes lit up giddily. “We should definitely get rid of them. Right now.” He nodded, curls bobbing.

[reddie-fangirl24]

This was difficult cause WOW amazing film choices, I’d love any of the losers in the beginning scene of Cabin in the Woods? Like when they’re getting ready to leave, probably Richie as Marty the stoner and Eddie as Dana who doesn’t realize he’s having a full conversation without pants on, Beverly as Jules who just dyed her hair blonde, Ben as Curt who has to point out the pants, & Mike as Holden the hot new guy in the group?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMISSION!

I hope you enjoy the story!

This was going to be a great weekend! Eddie couldn’t remember the last time the Losers club hung out. Funny, it was strange how he didn’t remember who Ben was for a moment. Why weren’t they spending much time together ever since high school started? 

Putting that worry aside, Eddie was busy getting dressed, packing all the suitcases that he needed. He was so happy to meet at Ben’s house. If his mother found out where he was really going and who he’d be with then he’d spend the rest of the weekend locked in his room. Nothing new.

Something fell out from between the pages of one of his school textbooks. Shocked, grabbing it, Eddie looked at the drawing he made of his history teacher.  

“What a piece of shit,” a familiar girl’s voice gawked over his shoulder.

“I was in a hurry!” Eddie yelled, slamming the drawing back between the pages. He scrambled for his inhaler on the table and took a puff. His heart was already racing enough. Thank God, it was not Richie. Oh, if anybody found out about his affection for his teacher then they were going to believe he was some kind of psycho.

Beverly giggled. She missed this. It had been a while since she last met up with her best friends. Just like Eddie, she couldn’t make out Bill’s voice over the phone when he called to invite her. And she almost forgot about living in Derry before moving. 

“You know what I mean. Do you hate that teacher? I always draw out the teachers that I don’t like and stick them on the dartboard.”

Eddie groaned, his cheeks growing hot. “Um, no, you see, I drew it-” He paused when he took a look at his friend’s hair. She was no longer his ginger-haired friend. Beverly was his blonde friend! “Holy shit, your hair!”

“Very fabulous, no?” Beverly asked, showing off her short locks like a model.

“I can't believe you did it!” Eddie exclaimed.  

“But it’s nice, right?” Beverly asked, growing nervous. Even she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go through with the change. The other girls at school all had blonde hair. She was always an outsider among them. “Could you please say something because I’m starting to get insecure about it and - “

“Oh God, no, it's awesome,” Eddie relaxed her, touching Beverly’s shoulder. “It looks good, really. I never thought you’d change your hair.”

“It was an impulse,” Beverly shrugged, trying to get off the subject. “I woke up one morning and thought it would be a good idea. Besides, we all need a change now and then, right?”

“Bill will like it,” Eddie remarked. He knew that he had feelings for Beverly in the time when they hung out together. Bill could never stop staring at her when they were together.

Beverly snickered, “That is if he’ll notice. Ben will probably notice it before Bill,” she remarked. And then she pointed to the picture that Eddie was holding. “You should get rid of that.”

Eddie looked at the textbook in his hand. Wait, which did she mean? The drawing inside or the textbook itself. “Huh?” he tried to act dumb.

Shaking her head, and smiling again, Beverly walked over to him and pointed at his chest. “Right, Eddie Kaspbrak, Homewrecker. Please. Do you know who you are going to hook up with this weekend? A boy your age with thick glasses.

Again, Eddie’s cheeks flushed. How did she know these things? “God, that's the last thing... if you treat this like a set-up I'm gonna have no fun at all!”

Beverly set up one of Eddie’s suitcases on the bed. He had two which took up most of the floor in the room. Funnily enough, she only packed one. “I'm not pushing you to do anything. But we're not packing this!” she indicated to the textbook. 

“This means we definitely won't have room for this,” she said as she took out the drawing from Eddie and dropping it to the floor. As Eddie went after it, he heard a ‘tsk’ noise. When he looked back up, Beverly was holding two of his school textbooks. 

“Oh come on, what if I'm bored?” Eddie argued. “And my mom wants me to study!”

“‘Soviet Economic Structures’? ‘The Aftermath of the Cultural.’” She made a gagging face. “No! We have a lake! Kegl We are the Losers on the verge of wild -- Look at my hair, man!”

She did make a fair point. “It’s great...”

Just then Ben burst into the room with a football. Bill was right behind, crashing into the door as he slid into it. He was a clutz, that was for sure. Accompanying them was Stanley who was not happy about their antics. 

“Think fast! And a going Mike Hanlon who is in the outfield, or in this case, the streets!” Ben dramatized as if he were one of those football announcers. 

 “That's a letterman jacket he's wearing and yes, that's a football he's throwing right at the girls.” Bill included in the dramatization as he swiveled around Eddie’s luggage. 

He and Bill practically tore about the room, running around and knocking objects over. Beverly had no idea that they became interested in football. Especially Ben. Was he losing weight?

“Would you guys stop?” Eddie asked of them, almost jumping on his desk when Bill ran by him.

“Please, you are going to break something if you are not careful!” Stanley shouted, keeping a safe distance at the door. 

“Well, faster than that...” Bill commented, Stanley’s words going in one ear and out the other. 

“Ben!” Somebody called from out the window. Eddie glanced out the window to see Mike. It had been a long time since he saw him. Bill threw the football out the window. Jumping into the air, Mike caught it. Lucky for him, a car stopped just in time when he hopped into the street. The driver was not happy with him.

“Sorry. Sorry,” he excused himself, letting the car drive on. That was an unsafe choice for him to make in the first place. He was just so ecstatic to spend the weekend with his friends. So, he went over the curbside and waited for his friends. 

“Are you guys insane?” Stanley asked them, clashing at his hair. He looked like he was going to burst an artery. 

Understanding the circumstances, Ben nodded. “Sorry, Stan.”

Finally, Bill noticed Beverly for the first time. He froze, staring at her. What a terrible time for his mouth to dry up. “Beverly.”

She smiled. “Hi, Bill.”

“Wow, look at your hair!” Ben remarked. He never thought that Beverly would do something like this. Her ginger hair was lovely. But it was so nice to see her again.

“See, I told you that Ben would be the first to notice,” Beverly elbowed Eddie.

“N-No, I d-did notice! I uh...” Oh great, the stutter was back, too. “It’s really great to see you.”

Beverly smiled at her friends, but her heart fell. At that moment she felt how unnecessary the blonde hair was. They always accepted her for who she was. “It’s great to be back. Now let’s get this weekend started!” she ecstatically threw her arms into the air. 

“I never knew you were the type to actually take textbooks home,” Ben innocently joked. He hoped that it wouldn’t insult Beverly. When they did go to school together she was hardly ever in class. She never had the homework and quipped to the teacher that she didn’t take the textbook home with her for assignments. 

Eddie took the textbook back from Beverly. “There’s nothing wrong about taking a textbook on the trip,” Stanley commented. And then he was the one to get a look from everybody. 

“Seriously? Professor Bennett covers this whole book in his lectures. Read the Gurovsky; it's way more interesting and Bennett doesn't know it by heart so he'll think you're insightful.” Bill explained. Beverly glanced his way. Did Bill actually learn some poetic terms while she was away?

“We’d better get going,” Stanley told them, leaving the room. “Where is Richie anyway? He said that he’d be here by now!”

Eddie got all his belongings together. Richie. He was spending the weekend with Richie. They hadn’t done that in a long time. 

Before he left the room, Ben nudged him. “You have no pants.” Gasping, Eddie scrambled to get pants. He was really standing here in his underwear the whole time? Taking a puff from his inhaler, he had to relax. This was going to be a fun weekend.

“Mike! Crazy mad skills of catching!” Bill told Mike once they were outside. They gave each other a high five.

“You laid it in my hands, I did but hold them out,” Mike commented. 

“Hey, Mike! How is it going?” Beverly greeted her friend with a hug. 

“I’m great. It’s nice to see you, Bev. Wow, look at your hair,” he remarked, taking a look at her gorgeous locks. 

“Hey, Mike, how have you been?’ Eddie was next to greet him once he came out of the house. He struggled down the steps with all his luggage. 

“Great. Thank you guys for letting me join. It’s been a while since we all met up,” Mike noted. He was not going to bring up the reason for their avoidance. This weekend was not about revisiting the shadows of the past. It had been a long time since he actually had fun. Being home school had its perks, but he did not enjoy the loneliness. 

“Do you need help with your bags, Eddie?” Stanley asked his friend. He was struggling to lift his heavy bags into the trunk of the RV that Mike was able to talk his grandfather into borrowing. This thing sat in his farmland for years. Luckily, it was working fine.  

“We’re going away for a weekend, right?” Beverly joked. “It’s a weekend, not an evacuation!”

“I have packed everything that I needed in case of any dangerous predicament!” Eddie commented. “Trust me when I say there is nothing in those cases you won't be glad I brought.”

“What could happen?” Ben asked, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Tons of things,” Stanley remarked. “We could run into poison ivy, there could be jellyfish in the water, or - “

“Okay, Stan, we didn’t need an answer. Remember, we’re supposed to be having fun,” Bill reminded him. 

All that was missing was... “Oh my, God,” Eddie commented when he looked across the street to see a car parking. It was half parked up on the sidewalk, annoying to women who were walking by. 

And there was Richie Tozier, his mouth on a huge bong. He looked like he had trouble maneuvering it in the small car that he owned, hitting the horn by accident. Who’s to say that Eddie was surprised. Getting high and joking around was all Richie cared about. 

“Richie!” Beverly called out to her friend. Oh, how she missed him. She ran up and gave him a hug. But that hug only lasted a second. “Shit, you stink!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Richie?” Stanley nagged him when he ran up to his car. He looked around as to make sure the police were not around. 

“People in this town drive in a very counterintuitive manner, and that's what I have to say,” Richie giggled, obviously high out of his mind. His glasses were skewered on his head.

“Do you want to spend the weekend in jail?” Ben asked him. “'Cause we'd all like to check out my cousin's country home and not go to jail!” 

“Richie you should know for a fact that this is not okay!” Beverly was next to lecture him.

Richie took out his duffel bag.“Statistical fact: cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this, man. They know he sees farther than they and he will bind them with ancient logics.” He paused, taking a longer look at Beverly’s hair. “Have you gone grey?”

His comment resulted in Beverly giving him the finger. Things hadn’t changed at all. 

“You're not bringing that thing in the rambler!” Eddie told him. 

“A giant bong, in Mike’s van?” Richie went and poured the water out. Removing the bowl, Richie sticks it in a little holder inside the tube and telescopes the entire thing down, pulls a lid off the bottom, and pops it on the top, making it look exactly like a can of Fresca. 

“What are you, stoned?” Stanley asked him, shaking his head in disbelief. Arguably, he was happy to be going on this trip. He missed their adventures.

 “As Bolde,” Richie remarked with little care.  They all rolled their eyes. Well, that was Richie Tozier for you. 

“Come on, we’d best hit the road,” Mike told them, waving them inside. “I can take the first lag. Ben, you have the directions, right?”

As they were all getting into the van, Richie elbowed Eddie. “Eds! You fetching minx? Do you have any food?”

“Don’t call me Eds!” Eddie warned sticking a finger in his face.

“Come on, you like it! You know it!”

“No, I don’t! Call me Eds one more time on this trip and I will bury you in your grave!”

This was going to be an exciting weekend alright. 

“Everybody ready?” Mike asked in the front seat. The Losers shouted in glee, throwing their hands up like they were on a roller coaster. “Then let's get this show on the road!”

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Soulmate

Werewolf Erik Imprints on OC.

I don’t know what to do with this but I decided to post because it’s been sitting in my google drive for about a month now and I know Halloween is in two days so if you want you can read what I have written thus far. I may or may not finish with all the other things I have to complete.

Warnings: Fluff, slight humor, mentions of smut.

Theme: Halloween, supernatural, College

It was the middle of the Fall Semester at Florida A&M. The weather wasn’t too bad, around 80 degrees during the afternoon and dropping to as low as 72 in the evening. Currently, Erik was studying for his upcoming Advanced Physics midterm. The Kappa Alpha Psi house was relatively quiet and this gave him the perfect opportunity to study before his brothers came in to disturb him. Erik took his blue highlighter, highlighting a passage before recapping it. He flipped to the next page, adjusting his gold-rimmed glasses to read. As much as he loved physics and engineering his mind just wasn’t there. It was the middle of October now and his focus on knowledge wasn’t as interesting as he’d hoped for. This time of the year wasn’t always the best for him ever since he was twenty years old. That’s when his life changed. 

“Thermodynamics and heat transfer.”

He read the topic while rubbing his sleepy eyes, AirMax covered feet tapping the floor to help him stay alert. 

“Fuck, I can’t read this shit right now.” 

Erik angrily closes his book, sliding it away from him, causing his calculus materials to fall over onto his desk. He leans back in his reclining desk chair, eyes to the swirling ceiling fan within his room. It wasn’t like he didn’t get the information, he knew it like the back of his hand. He just needed a distraction from her. 

People on campus called her Poison Ivy; she was a lot to handle and Erik hadn’t noticed that until yesterday when something that he didn’t expect to happen, happened.

Ivy Crow. She was a journalism major. Ivy wrote for the school news column and she was also an activist on campus. Sometimes her protests didn’t go so well and other times her podcasts could piss people off but that’s who she was. You couldn’t miss her on campus with her goth aesthetic and camcorder in hand. Ivy was now Erik’s weakness. He needed to talk to someone about this, and the only person he could think of was his friend Trevor. Erik rises from his seat, grabbing his cross-body bag, shooting Trevor a quick text before exiting his bedroom.

He instructed for Trevor to meet him at the library in the ancient literature section since no one went there anyway. Erik made it there before Trevor, looking about him with sharp eyes to be sure that no one was around. He paced, impatient and antsy. He hadn’t seen Ivy all day. His body couldn’t stand it. This overpowering desire for her made him hungry as well. If he was hungry for regular food now he was afraid of what he would be hungry for at midnight…

“Erik? What’s going on I had to skip out of class.”

Trevor was a programming major, tall, skin like midnight, one eye blue and the other brown. Girls swooned over him. 

“My bad man, I got a problem.” 

Trevor grabs Erik by the shoulder, pulling him further into the aisle of books. It was dustier back against the window.

Trevor lowers his voice, “Is it a Lycanthrope thing?”

Erik hated when Trevor refers to it as that. He kisses his teeth, letting out a sigh of frustration.

“Why can’t you just say Werewolf?!” Erik argues.

“Whatever, is this what I’m here for?”

“Yeah.” 

“Did you shift and get lost somewhere you weren’t supposed to be? Remember I saved your ass from nearly dying when you landed in a trap with silver near fucking New Orleans.”

Erik could still feel the scars from that on his back. If it wasn’t for Trevor, Erik would probably be dead. His back was scarred badly from that, deep gashes diagonally across his back.

“No, I haven’t shifted in two days.”

“Two days? Why?” 

Erik looks down at his sneakers, “Some weird shit happened to me…”

Trevor waited for Erik to speak. He figured Trevor would know more since he’d been a werewolf since birth. It was a family curse.

“So, I was on my way to my calculus class when a rally was going on. You know, that rally about making sure ‘blackface’ doesn’t happen for Halloween this year.”

Two Days Ago: 

“Catch you later, bro. You know we got that party before the hazing process.”

Erik shoulders his backpack, flashing his sexy dimples, “Y’all niggas partying before the hazing? That’s some new shit.”

His fellow Kappa brother shrugs before wrapping his arm around a random chicks shoulder, “Gotta warm them, boys, up first before the fun begins.”

He shared the Kappa hand sign with his brothers before walking away towards his class. He already missed a few for his own selfish reasons so he couldn’t afford to miss another. As Erik walked he noticed a large group of students- mostly black students crowd around a gothic chick and her protest friends, holding up signs reading “BAND BLACKFACE” Erik never really invested his time into these protests because he felt like they wouldn’t change anything but the sound of her loud voice brought his eyes to her.

And that’s what did it.

He felt as if he was gravitationally pulled towards her while glowing heat filled his veins. The class suddenly became secondary. On second thought, everything became secondary to him at that moment. He couldn’t explain it but the overpowering feeling made him want to stand there and watch her. Erik had a deep need and desire to support this girl and even protect her if someone went against what she had to say. His knees buckled, Erik stumbling a little and catching strange looks from some of the students. A few white students at Florida A&M looked frustrated with her words and that made Erik’s inner wolf growl. His eyes even turned golden without his control. He blinked, afraid that someone would notice.

“NO BLACK FACE FOR HALLOWEEN!!! It’s just as disrespectful as dressing up as an Indian!”

“She needs to shut up. She’s such a freak.”

Erik caught that and the person was on the other side of the crowd. He growls, his mind confused but his actions uncontrollable.

“She just needs some dick. She’s embarrassing us, black girls. I mean, none of these white people care about that. They wouldn’t even be dumb enough to try that.”

He felt deep disgust and rage from those words. He didn’t even know the girl and he hated the way those girls talked about her. He decided to look at her again, just focus on her to make him feel better. She talked with a sense of power, her movements confident and no care in the world that people saw her being a goth or that they thought she was a “freak of nature.” 

Without being able to explain it himself, Erik walked through the crowd and towards her direction, standing at her feet while she stood on the top steps in front of the main student services building. Erik looked at her like she was a goddess. Before he could stop himself, he climbed those stairs, taking his place next to her, clapping his hands loudly and cheering her on. 

Ivy pauses mid-speech with the megaphone pressed to her lips, eyeing Erik bizarrely. 

“Aye! Don’t tell her to calm down she preaching the truth right now!” Erik yells down at a group of snickering students who clearly still lived like they were high schoolers. They had a long way to go.

“If you are not angry, you are not paying attention!” At this point, he was yelling out anything to support Ivy. What he thought he was doing the right way he was only pissing her off. Erik didn’t know a thing about Ivy and how she hated when people disrupted her protests, especially when it was a guy who didn’t even know she existed. 

Erik snatches a sign from one of Ivy’s friends, holding it up proudly. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Ivy finally speaks, not realizing the megaphone was still pressed to her mouth.

Erik lowers the sign, flashing a charming smile at her. He looked her over with an impressive eye before putting his hand out for her to shake.

“I’m Erik.”

Ivy looks from his hand to his face, “Ivy.” 

Erik awkwardly lowers his hand, “You’re a fucking badass, Ivy.” 

She blinks with sass, “really?” 

She didn’t by that. This entire situation was strange. 

“Yeah…”Erik felt that same heat in his blood. This girl, Ivy, was driving him crazy.

“Fuck these people, you can tell me about it I’ll listen.” 

She laughs, pretty smile with lips colored blood red. The spiked choker around her neck along with the spikes in her ears made her look dangerous. Little did she know, Erik was even more dangerous.

“The less I care, the happier I am.” 

She looked down at the steps, a frappe tossed at her feet with the liquid staining her platform doc martens. Erik looked down as well, eyebrows creasing with anger.

“It’s okay, Erik. I look at people sometimes and think...really? That’s the sperm that won.” Ivy simply shakes her head, lowering her megaphone. The crowd began to scatter and Ivy turns away from Erik, talking to her friends and instructing them to pack up and meet her for podcast talk.

Erik was compelled to help as well, grabbing posters and stacking them neatly. Not only did Ivy give him a strange look but her friends did as well. 

“Are you feeling well, frat boy?” She placed the back of her hand to his forehead, Erik almost losing his control if it wasn’t for his impressive already controlled nature. He was a beast of the night, he had to keep it together. 

“Maybe we should reintroduce ourselves,” she held out her hand covered in silver rings. Luckily, Erik was in his human form. 

“I’m Ivy Crow, I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.”

Erik smiles, shaking her hand and enjoying the warmth. Since when did a chick make him delirious?

“I’m Erik Stevens. Kappa, science wiz, irresistibly handsome.” 

“That you are,” Ivy had eyes she could see Erik was clearly a looker.

“So you like what you see then?”

Ivy shrugs, looking away, “Don’t get your hopes up, Erik.”

“Why? I mean, a girl like you can use a guy like me in your life.” 

Ivy raises a single brow, “I see, you’re one of those niggas who think by flashing a smile and flirting with me you’ll get some pussy?”

“Nah, I mean…” 

“No need. I know what this is about,” Ivy turns away with a pained expression, grabbing her bag to leave. Erik was bothered by that rejection, following her down the steps.

“Aye? What the hell did I do?”

Ivy turns to him, a glare on her face, “My middle finger salutes you right now.”

Erik felt like his world was crashing down around him. Ivy being upset with him couldn’t happen. 

“Why are you mad right now? We were starting off cool.”

“I may not be the girl that everyone wants but at least I’m not the girl that everyone’s had.”

Erik understood then. She thought that he was implying that she needed him in her life to feel accepted because of who she was. 

“Look,” Erik lets out a calming breath, “can we start over? I’m not the type of guy you think I am. I’m not tryna get to know you for the wrong reasons, Ivy.” 

Ivy looked distant for a second until her shoulders relaxed. She folded her arms across her chest, eyeing Erik cautiously.

“I’m sorry,” Ivy pinches the bridge of her nose, “I just have a history of fuck-ups with guys.”

Ivy starts walking, motioning for Erik to follow along. He does, the pain in his chest subsiding.

“It’s just...you come out of fucking nowhere and you help me at my rally? It’s so fucking confusing.”

Erik was still confused. 

“I’m confused too believe it or not.” 

He needed to figure out what was going on, maybe it’s a werewolf thing. It is getting closer and closer to Halloween. Maybe he’s just having a strong sexual craving and he could see that in Ivy as well. It could be that Erik needed to fuck Ivy before a shift to sedate him. 

“I don’t know you well, Erik, and I’m not good with people.” 

Erik wasn’t either, he preferred to be a loner.

“I guess that makes two of us, Ivy Crow.”

“Ew, people,” Ivy cringes, causing Erik to laugh.

“Uh, is it cool if I have your number?”

Erik needed to communicate with her when she wasn’t around. In under twenty minutes he felt like he needed to hear from her. 

“Sure, frat boy, I feel like you’ve earned it.”

Ivy pulls out her cell, followed by Erik, both of them exchanging numbers. 

“Cool. I can hit you up later, right?”

Ivy simply shrugs, “that’s if my fingers aren’t preoccupied, frat boy.” 

That sexual innuendo made the burning desire within him growl. His inner wolf wanted badly to spring free. What was it about this girl that had him weak in the knees and ten times more aware? Her scent was unique, very sweet smelling like berries. It made his mouth water. 

“Listen, I'd love to chat but I have a podcast later that will more than likely stir shit up on campus.” 

Ivy backs away, Erik’s eyes scanning from her white crop top with the word “Salem” down to her tight black jeans that hugged her generous curves down to her Doc Martens. 

“I’ll make sure to tune in, Baby girl, what time?”

Ivy looks at him strangely, “1:00”

Erik gives her a farewell smile, never turning to leave as he watched her disappear. He stood there until her smell was gone, a heavyweight lifted from him only to be filled with emptiness. He missed her a lot for some reason. 

That night in bed, Erik was in a cold sweat, growling like his other half and tossing. What was happening to him? He needed answers and quick. The next couple of days were going to be challenging.

Present:

“You’ve imprinted on Ivy Crow.”

Trevor didn’t hold back information. He laid it out for Erik.

“Imprinted? I thought that shit only happened in Twilight.” 

Trevor gave Erik an annoyed look, “You’ve been a Werewolf for about seven years and you don’t know what imprinting is?”

Erik shrugs, “that’s what I have you for Trevor. You’re my Werewolf brother and my teacher.” 

“Erik,” Trevor gave Erik a pointed look, “This is some serious shit, bro. You have to know everything about your Lycanthrope self or the enemies out there will hold that against you. You don’t want the enemies to know more about you than you, correct?”

Trevor did have a point, and Erik knew that. He was still trying to get over the fact that he was turned into a Lycan/ Werewolf when he was twenty years of age. 

“Aight, I’ll take it more seriously. All that other shit like silver, Mercury, angel blades to the heart…”

Erik lets out a deep sigh, “I already know about that shit.”

“Well, do you know about our origin? Why New Orleans is generally not safe for our kind? How there are vampire and witch covens there and we all equally hate each other? How imprinting can be a good and bad thing?”

Erik didn’t know everything, and it pissed him off that Trevor rubbed that shit in his face.

“You want your ass beat now or later?”

Trevor laughs, “nigga, you keep forgetting I’m stronger than you?” 

Erik bumps shoulder with him as he walks past, finally done with this conversation.

“We can meet up later tonight to discuss this imprinting situation. For the time being, try not to hound the girl, Erik. You don’t want to scare her away when you’re bound to her.”

That word, bound, wasn’t something he was prepared for. He was already bound to being a werewolf for the rest of his life. What if Ivy despises him to the point where she doesn’t want anything to do with him? What if she falls in love with someone else? All of those things scared him. 

Ivy’s POV: 

“What are you going to be for Halloween this year, Ivy?”

Ivy slips into a pair of dark turquoise high waist jeans, turning sideways to admire her outfit as a whole. She had on a black corset top with a layered silver necklace around her neck with multiple crosses on it. Her head was covered in a wig that would remind you of Uma Thurman’s hair in Pulp fiction, lips painted a glittery black and eyes Smokey. 

“Probably something DIY, maybe a corpse bride.”

Her friend, Treasure; the complete opposite of her, sat on her bed, painting her toes white. She dressed like Cher from Clueless, long curly hair in two space buns. She was ginger with freckles on her face. 

“I’m gonna be a Powerpuff Girl.” 

Ivy chuckles, “Which one?”

“Bubbles.”

“I knew it.”

Ivy grabs her coffin-shaped crossbody bag along with her Creative Writing books before her phone goes off for the fifth time. She knew exactly who it was, he was getting on her last nerve.

Erik: Why aren’t you answering my texts, beautiful?

She locks her phone, putting it away.

“Ready?” 

Treasure gives her a strange look. 

“What’s up with you?” 

Ivy shakes her head, “Just trying to prepare myself for yet another day of biting my tongue whenever Miss Petty Ass Bitch decides to piss me off. It’s not my fault I know more about your own class than you do. They just hire anyone these days.”

“You know she just does that Ivy because of your reputation around here,” Treasure reminds her, “Everyone is intimidated. Remember, they call you Poison Ivy.”

Ivy’s face lit up, a pretty smile on her glittery black lips.

“You know what, I just might have my Halloween costume in mind.” 

Erik’s POV

He waited outside of Creative Writing.

How did he find out about her class? He practically threatened one of her guy friends and supposedly her fellow band member to give him the information. The second he did that, Erik did a late enrollment for the course. Luckily, it could look good for his master's degree. Looking from one end of the hall to the other, his nostrils flared, her smell growing closer and closer. He closed his eyes, the veins in his neck protruding from holding on control. His backpack went down to cover his crotch, dick hard for the first time in two days. The more she drew closer the more his heartbeat increased and his skin reddened from heat. 

“Erik?” Ivy spoke with agitation.

His eyes snapped open from her sing-song voice, “Wassup, Baby girl?”

“It’s Ivy.” 

“Well, I like calling you Baby girl,” he teases, earning a strange look from her.

“Stop calling me that or I will pour all of this hot ass coffee down your pants.” 

He snapped his mouth shut, choosing to simply admire her. She tried looking at her phone but the scorching hot gaze he gave her made her look at him with annoyance.

“Can I ask you a question?” 

Erik smirks at her, walking over to be face to face with his gothic princess.

“What you wanna know?” He shoulders his bag, giving her his sexiest stare but it clearly didn’t change anything.

“Why do you insist on texting me ten times a fucking day?”

“Why do you insist on ignoring me? Forreal, you got a whole ass attitude, Miss Ivy. A nigga tryna get to know you and you ignoring me? Ima tell you this now, I don’t like being ignored.”

“I do a thing called what I want.” She reminded him. 

“You don’t like a nigga to be all sweet with you, huh?” 

Ivy picks at her nails, “I’m not built for a soft ass needy man, I talk back and I do not listen.” 

Erik’s dark eyes burned into hers. She didn’t fight it, looking at him with an equal amount of strength.

“I don’t like your type. You walk around here like you own the place and then you think you can have any girl you want? I’m not just any girl.” 

Ivy picks a piece of imaginary cotton from Erik’s letterman jacket.

“You are a mean girl,” he smiles down at her, “Don't get your hopes up though I’m not going anywhere. I like em fiery, you like em dominant. That’s cool, I’m that.” 

“I’m not mean, just brutally honest. It’s not my fault truth hurts. Want a bandaid?”

“As long as it’s from you I’ll take all that shit, Baby girl.” 

Ivy regrets giving him her number. She didn’t actually think he would try anything with her since she definitely wasn’t going to open her legs for him. 

“Ivy? Did you hear me?” 

She wasn’t paying him any mind, the class was filling up and she needed to take her seat.

“There is no need to repeat yourself, I ignored you just fine the first time.” 

He stood rooted to the spot, watching her disappear into that classroom. Her words literally slapped him. This is what he feared honestly. Erik couldn’t wait to meet up with Trevor so he could figure out how to work around this imprinting thing. Ivy was a lot to handle. Erik wasn’t going to back down by any means but damn, he didn’t expect a real challenge. 

Erik finally walks into the class, finding a seat just behind Ivy a row above hers. She had all her things neatly stacked in front of her, eyes focused ahead. Erik whispered “excuse me” to a girl on his right as he took his seat. He decided to just bring his Macbook instead of things to write with. This was an easy course for him, he’d already taken a similar one during his undergraduate education.

“Good morning, Everyone,” a woman who looked to be in her late thirties spoke, fuchsia and purple polka-dotted blouse with a black pencil skirt. Her thin blonde hair was pulled into a tight French roll, old stocking with tears in them and a pair of heels that looked like something his grandmother would wear. God rest her soul.

“Can I help you, sir?” She yells to the back row. Erik knew she was referring to him.

“I’m a late enrollee.” His husky voice caught the eyes of nearly all the women in that room except for Ivy who chewed on the end of her pen.

“Name?” She asked with an authoritative tone.

“Erik Stevens.” 

“I’m Professor Pettee, Why creative writing so late in the semester?”

Erik strokes his goatee, “Miss Ivy here gave me some inspiration since she’s a Journalism major and all.”

He could hear her clicking and unclicking her pen angrily. 

“Ivy Crow?” She looked at Ivy with a sarcastic smirk, “she’s your inspiration? Well,” Miss Pettee turns on her heel,  “She’s inspirational alright.” 

Tiny snickers scattered the class.

“What is this fucking high school?!” Erik blurts out with rage. Ivy turns to him then with wide eyes. 

“Excuse me?” Miss Pettee hadn’t expected that. 

“I’m referring to the snickering. What y’all fifth graders or some shit?” 

The entire lecture hall was silent, all eyes on Erik.

“What a ruckus,” Miss Pettee laughs nervously, “Are you finished, Mr. Stevens? I do have a class to teach.”

Erik sat back in his chair, motioning for her to continue. As soon as Miss Pettee’s back turned, Erik noticed Ivy staring up at him with a smoldering rage. The smile on his face turned into a blank expression. He was really getting under her skin. 

“Fuck You.” She mouthed to him before turning back in her seat to pay attention. This was going to be interesting. 

[merinnan]

DMBJ Ep 5

We start episode 5 with the Xiaoge Rescue Count at 6 for Wu Xie, and 7 total.

- Pangzi just sitting there eating while they go to dig an evil bug out of A-Ning 

- A-Ning is luckier than Pan Zi, though, having it in her leg rather than in her gut 

- Should I consider this part of the Xiaoge Rescue Count? Technically he is saving A-Ning here, but does she count?

- Fuck it. There's now 3 Xiaoge Rescue Count categories: Wu Xie, the protagonists as a whole, and everyone 

- So the count is now 6 for Wu Xie, 7 for the protagonists, and 8 for everyone 

- That was a relatively painless bug removal. Probably helped that A-Ning was unconscious 

  - That's a large hole left in her thigh. Speaking from experience, standing & walking are not going to be fun for her for a LONG time. 

- But this is a cdrama, so she'll be fine within an ep or two 

- lol, I've never seen an unconscious person with this level of muscle control

- Wu Xie, you don't just wrap a bandage around a wound like that! Dress it first! 

- But, again, it's a TV show, so a bandage will be fine 

- JESUS CHRIST PANGZI 

- LOL, yes, shhhh, Pangzi. Shhhh. 

 - Pan Zi's looking a lot better this ep 

- ...what's wrong, Wu Xie?

- Aaaand he just passed out. 

- Xiaoge actually looks mildly disturbed. I think this is the second most amount of emotion we've seen from him so far 

- That looks like a nasty bite 

- Oh, we're just gonna...feed him blood. That's what we're going. 

- And it woke him up

- Okay, so Xiaoge Rescue Count is now 7 for Wu Xie, 8 for the protagonists, and 9 for everyone 

- Fortunately, Xiaoge hasn't lost as much blood as he did last time he used it for magic rescue purposes. Last thing they'd want is a comatose Xiaoge down here

- Everyone is just so chill whenever Xiaoge does weird stuff, it's great 

- Aaah, I was wondering how he'd been bitten, since I didn't remember a bug biting him. I forgot that A-Ning did 

- That's some odd poison if it got into her saliva just because she had a bug in her leg

- GDI Pangzi 

 - Of course the cure is in the tomb, and of course Xiaoge knows about it 

- LOL, there's a vaccine against the poison gas 

- Oooh, I was wondering when the dudes in the trees were gonna make their move. Poor Wu Xie's friend. He really would have been safer in the tomb, huh

- Hahah, why are the bad guys treating Wu Xie like the leader when he's just a uni student? 

- Ooh, who did that? 

 - Oh, Wu Xie's friend. Good boy. I mean, it was dumb, but brave. Now they can't use you against your friends. 

- Poor Wu Xie is so woozy he's not sure what happened

- Yeah, figured it was some more of A-Ning's friends 

- YOU LOSE CONTACT, & YOU LOSE CONTACT, & EVERYONE LOSES CONTACT! YAAAAY! 

- Get out before nightfall. Isn't that what Xiaoge said, too? 

- Yeah, abandoned in a forest at night doesn't sound like fun

- She should NOT be walking that well, although at least it is showing her limping and in pain instead of just okay 

- God, Pangzi, that was a dick move 

- And that was even more of one 

- Wow. I...don't really like this Pangzi. Those things he just did were actively cruel, even if she is an antagonist

- It's blocked? Yeah, ya think? 

- Oh, STFU Pangzi 

- Pan Zi looking at him like "I really regret not shooting you properly when I had the chance" 

- Xiaoge doing this "stab fingers STRAIGHT INTO MORTAR and remove the brick" trick again 

- The look on Pangzi's face is pure gold

- Had to pause watching for a sec to think about why I'm so mad at this Pangzi and more forgiving of Liu Sang in Chongqi. I think it's because Liu Sang intended to pull a prank. A mean prank, but he lacked the experience to understand that it was actively harmful and dangerous. It went wrong, and then he freaked because of that lack of experience and didn't know what to do/say until Xiaoge pushed him. And then he tried to help make up for it. Whereas this Pangzi did things that he knew would cause real physical pain to A-Ning and potentially worsen her injury just because he doesn't like her, and he doesn't seem to care or even give that a second thought, let alone look like he's going to apologise or try to make up for it. 

- OK, mini-rant over, back to the episode.

- Gratuitous Xiaoge side-profile pic just because

- And now Pangzi is gonna embarrass himself by trying & failing to be Xiaoge 

- YEAH CHENGCHENG I WONDER HOW THEY KNOW YOUR NAMES 

- Okay, I gotta stop to look up his name. I can't keep calling him Wu Xie's friend all the time

- High Shao. There we go

- High Shao is a good kid 

- A-Ning's eyeroll at Pangzi is my entire mood with his antics right now 

- Eyeroll from Wu Xie 

- Can't see Pan Zi's face, but his whole posture is basically an eye roll 

- Oh. Well. Huh. I did not expect Pangzi to actually manage to break the wall

- Judging by everyone's expressions, no-one else did, either 

- Oooh, something bad must be coming, Xiaoge is going on guard 

- Yep. Zombie dude is on his way 

- Yes, send the woman with the serious leg injury to go crawling through a tiny cave tunnel first. Brilliant idea, Wu Xie

- OK, I should stop being so hard on bb!Wu Xie, this is his first time in a tomb after all 

- Y'know, guys, I really think it would have been a better idea to let Pan Zi go before Pangzi, given that he's also injured and all. Get your most injured people to safety first.

- How the fuck is that zombie deflecting Xiaoge's sword with his HAND?! 

- WHY IS IT MAKING TINGING NOISES AS IF IT'S METAL HITTING METAL?! 

- Oh, NICE, Xiaoge! 

- I am very disappointed that I could not get a good screencap of that awesome, smooth, and effortless slide he did through the tunnel

- Things I discovered when I went to YouTube to see if I could get a good screencap of it by slowing down the playback (which I can't do on Viki) 

- the eps on YT and the eps on Viki are edited differently. I'm gonna have to watch this again on YT once I'm done with the Viki one

- At a guess, the YT ones have a bunch of stuff cut, because where I'm up to in ep 5 on Viki is in ep 4 on YT 

- For instance, XIAOGE'S AWESOME SLIDE THROUGH THE TUNNEL JUST THEN is not in the YT one?! 

- Wow, I'm going on a lot of tangents tonight. OK, back to the ep.

- Xiaoge holding the zombie at swordpoint until it gives up and backs away 

- So these zombies have some intelligence 

- ngl, though, if I was on my hands and knees in front of a hot guy holding a sword on me, backing away would be like the last thing I would be doing

- Why the fuck is there a giant, chained up tree deep in the middle of an underground tomb? 

- And ivy all over the cave walls? 

- WHERE ARE YOU GETTING SUNLIGHT FROM DOWN HERE?! HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?! 

- I'm glad you're just as confused as I am, Pan Zi

- OK, some sunlight is getting in, since there are two bodies laying in a conveniently positioned sunbeam 

- Sure, what the fuck are you gonna do to him, Pangzi? He's dead. He doesn't care. 

- Unless he's another zombie who's gonna rise from the grave, but still don't think he cares

- Yes, Pangzi, tomb robbers don't end well 

- Love Wu Xie's cute suspicious face 

- Lucky grab there 

- Oh, there you are, Sanshu 

- Do all the tunnels in this place empty out at this tree? 

- LOL, I love that Sanshu immediately doesn't take any of Pangzi's shit

- That was a bad place to faint 

- Good thing Xiaoge is right there! 

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 9 for the protagonists, 10 for everyone 

- I love how often Wu Xie is the damsel in distress

- Don't worry, Sanshu, Xiaoge will definitely look after his future bf

- Looks like Pangzi is about to fall. Again 

- Pangzi, if you had HELD ON to that vine, it wouldn't have been as bad 

- Wait for him to realise he's laying between two corpses in 3, 2, 1... 

- Uh...I hope they're just stuck to him and not actually sitting up under their own power

- These are remarkably well-preserved corpses 

- THERE'S that realisation 

- And there's the freakout 

 - They did get just get caught 

- They're not gonna have kids, Pangzi, they're dead 

- Pangzi, what are you doing? Leave the corpses alone now

- Wake them? I don't like the sound of that, Sanshu 

- Also, how do you know that? 

- Cute pingxie shots just because 

- In her mouth? 

- Oh, a key, thank goodness. I thought it was gonna be an evil bug 

- Pangzi, stop appraising her necklace, didn't you say you're not a tomb robber? 

- There's fucking what now? 

- HOW?! 

- THERE'S A WHAT IN HER ASS?! 

- Hahah, well that certainly stopped Pangzi from checking out the valuables on her 

- JFC 

- That got Xiaoge's attention 

- Oooh, he's noticed something in the tree 

- Sorry not sorry for more gratuitous Xiaoge shots

- That's a pretty looking key 

- ...and now her corpse is undergoing rapid decay? How the fuck was the key preventing the corpse from decaying? 

- That explanation makes no logical sense, Sanshu 

- Maybe that box the other corpse is holding, Wu Xie? 

- Pangzi thought of that, too

- What were those flashes? Were those just for the viewer, or was one of the characters getting them? 

- That seemed to be the unnaturally bright green-eyed man from the opening credits 

- Leave the sword alone, Pangzi 

- Although I do understand the desire to pick it up

- Uh...what 

- No shadow is NEVER a good thing 

- WTF? 

- Sanshu, I never wanna play poker with you 

- This doppelganger has done a damn good job of acting like Pangzi this whole time 

- When did it replace him? 

- Maybe it was the doppelganger who was so cruel to A-Ning? We'll see.

- That's a very solid ghost 

- And that's kinda creepy 

- Uh...isn't she already dead? 

- Sanshu just going straight for the tackle 

- Clever boy, Wu Xie 

- Though, Xiaoge, where were you? Were you just gonna let Pangzi strangle Sanshu, or did you figure Sanshu had it handled?

- (he did not have it handled) 

- (pretty sure if that had been Wu Xie you'd've jumped in the moment Pangzi's hands went around his throat, if not before) 

- *sigh* Pangzi, pls 

- The Green Eyed Fox? 

- Was that the dude in the fox mask? 

- Probably (also?) the opening credits guy

- How the fuck has it taken me 3 hours to get through half an ep? 

- Oh yeah, I keep going off on tangents and pausing to take pretty screenshots of Xiaoge 

- So we're doing fox demons, are we? 

- Don't touch anything. Yeah, like that sword you had casually slung over your shoulder.

- Storytime! 

- Suuure, Pangzi 

- Xiaoge really seems to know everything 

- Don't rattle it, Wu Xie 

- Oh, that interested A-Ning 

- I wonder if this is the thing that's supposed to cure Wu Xie 

- Sanshu thinks it's a bad idea, but doesn't want anyone other than Wu Xie to know

- Or, more to the point, doesn't want Pangzi and A-Ning to know 

- Good excuse, Wu Xie 

- I wonder if Pangzi is still supposed to be a doppelganger, or if that was part of the hallucination 

- Yeah, suuure you're not going to steal relics, Liu Tai

- Have they set up a new camp at the digsite, or did they take Chengcheng and High Shao back to their original camp? 

- I think he does legit want A-Ning to be ok, though 

- Looks like I was right, all the tunnels lead to the tree 

- Which means I expect zombie guy to show up any minute

- Don't think A-Ning will be happy they kept what happened to her friend from her when that happens 

- Xiaoge back into 'something is coming' mode 

- Oh, how was that for timing? Less than a minute after I said it, zombie dude is on his way 

  - And it goes straight for Pangzi 

- Maybe he knew Pangzi was a dick to his friend 

- GDI A-Ning 

- That's a strong zombie 

- XIAOGEEEEEEE! 

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 10 for the protagonists, 11 for everyone

- Yes, Pangzi, Xiaoge IS amazing

- lol, Pangzi making so much noise cheering for Xiaoge that he got the zombie's attention back 

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 11 for the protagonists, 12 for everyone

- This is apparently the Xiaoge Rescues EVERYONE ep 

- I'm not surprised you fell, A-Ning, with that wound

- That was a heavy fall. Ouch 

- Come on, A-Ning, you seemed more level headed than this so far 

- And the zombie knocks away the easier/closer target, Wu Xie, to target A-Ning 

- Wonder if there's a reason for it, or just dramatics

- And then he stops trying to bite her to kick her away & go back to fighting Xiaoge? 

- Those are some very nice moves from Xiaoge 

- And now the zombie is...launching himself at Wu Xie and the others? 

- Wu Xie being the hero and pushing everyone else out the way

- Pangzi to the rescue? 

- No - A-Ning!

- Poor A-Ning 

- Oh yeah, better pull Pangzi out the tree 

- Zombie spitting up blood as he's dying 

- No, Pangzi, he's not gonna be fine. A-Ning shot him like 4 or 5 times in the chest 

- Aaah, zombie is lucid now

- Wu Xie ain't doing too good right now 

- Those are some nasty bruises. Caused by the poison gas/blood, I'm guessing 

- WTF made you think drinking the water in a tomb chamber was a good idea? 

- Xiaoge's shown emotion a total of 3 times in 5 eps, and 2 of those have been worry for Wu Xie

- Whatcha looking for, Xiaoge? 

- Huh, no-one even thought to look under there, just assumed the box was all that was interesting 

- Kirin blood?!  

- And how did A-Ning know what it was, esp from that distance? 

- Pan Zi, you are like the second most badass person here next to Xiaoge

- Also, I am no longer feeling sorry for A-Ning 

- You owe these people your life, A-Ning, and this is how you repay them? 

- Xiaoge isn't too impressed. After all Pan Zi ain't Wu Xie 

- Oh, that seems like a fair deal. 

- I am pleased with the amount of Xiaoge in this ep

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone

- Not gonna count his offer to A-Ning as a rescue, since he didn't bother waiting to see if she'd accept before he went ahead and saved his future bf 

- This is the softest I've seen him look all show

- Pan Zi is much nicer than I would have been. I would have probably punched her 

- Then again, they've made a fuss a few times about treating her differently because she's a woman, ugh

- Hahah, Xiaoge just getting up and walking off without any explanation for poor Wu Xie

- Wu Xie seemed so concerned, like he thought he'd done something wrong 

- Then all worried, aww 

- Hahah, Xiaoge not even gonna wait for A-Ning, just gonna go find her guys all by himself 

- Several *thousand*? No wonder Wu Xie's gagging

- Oh, eating super old kirin blood is what made Xiaoge's blood magical? Does that mean Wu Xie's blood is also magic now? 

- Just Chengcheng in danger, Sanshu? What about High Shao? 

- What about climbing the tree? 

- XD XD XD

 - Sanshu saying exactly what I just did

- There's sunlight already coming through, will you even need to dig a hole? That sunbeam on the corpses was pretty big 

- Pan Zi like "of course I can climb all the way up there with a hole in my gut and several other injuries"

- Of course Wu Xie is gonna worry about A-Ning getting out as well. He wouldn't be Wu Xie if he didn't 

- Wu Xie is such a nice boy 

- Pan Zi is also pretty forgiving 

- Pangzi, you just can't take people being sincere with you yet, can you? 

- That's some depressed fatalism there

- Sanshu now doing his part to convince A-Ning by appealing to her sense of responsibility for her men 

 And there we go for ep 5! It only took me...5 hours for a 40 minute ep 

We end with Xiaoge Rescue Count at 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone

[voxvulgi]

multiples of 6 - for whoever you think has the best answer including youuuu (you can skip those you don't like xD)

// alright so *cracks knuckles* *puts on accountant hat* *takes out calculator* in 100, the largest multiple of 6 is 96, which has 16 6′s in it. i have 18 muses, but 4 of them are exclusive, so i can stick to the 14 non-exclusive muses and have 2 questions to spare, which i can answer myself

Keep reading

6: do you keep plants? 

“I do. I live alone, so the flat feels dead sometimes. Plants help me feel like I don’t live alone. I do like isolation, but that’s only to a certain extent. Plants are living beings you have to take care of, and they’re a sight for sore eyes, too. I especially like them in the kitchen. When I wake up to make breakfast, the sun is at an angle that pours gold into my kitchen window, and the specific shade of green of their leaves is absolutely gorgeous. I also have a group of small pots to plant thyme and rosemary and such. I could just buy them fresh, but picking your spices yourself every now and again just...engulfs the senses.”

12: what's your favorite planet? 

“When Malik asked me this question and I told him Uranus, he laughed at me for ten minutes straight. At first, he laughed for a few seconds because he thought I was making a joke, but when I told him I was serious, he laughed for the rest of the ten. I really wish scientists just let Uranus be called Ouranos. Did they really not consider that sometime in the future, a girl would tell someone that her favourte planet was your-anus and get laughed at? Rude. But anyway, Uranus is my favourite planet...literally just because it’s pretty. Blue is my favourite colour. Also, it’s the only planet that spins on its side, which was what made me decide that it was more worthy of being my favourite planet than Neptune. Neptune just goes with the flow. Lame, right? Uranus is not like other planets. It’s different. It stays home and eats chicken nuggets instead of going to parties. Also, it was the only planet named after a Greek god instead of a Roman one, and when I found that out, I was like finally, and I just made it my favourite planet.”

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

“I live with my cousins, alright? They own a pub. So, basically, we live upstairs, and the pub is downstairs and open until late. My cousins don’t have a problem with this because they set their won work hours and wake and sleep as they please and all, but I have to attend work with the local herbalist sometimes because she trains me. So, one night, the pub was open well after the usual closing time because some man was getting married in a few days and wanted to celebrate with his friends. I’m not the kind of person to tell people how to live their lives and how late to go to bed, but I was irritated and went downstairs to ask my cousin when this would be over. You know, just so I could get a good idea of when I’ll finally be able to sleep. When I got there, the man to be married was flirting with the barmaid. I would have ignored it, but she looked terribly uncomfortable. I told him off first, and it didn’t work-- obviously. So I went back to my room and gathered some leftover poison ivy powder. I went back downstairs, flirted with him, and unbuckled his belt in front of all his friends. They ooh’ed and ahh’ed because they’re idiots, then I tugged on the back of his waistband and left him with poison ivy all over his arse. I waited until his face twisted and he started drunkenly panicking, then I left. That man didn’t know I’m related to the owners since my cousins are white and all, so there was no harm done to the pub’s reputation, but my cousins and the pub workers -- even the barmaid -- now keep asking me not to hide poison ivy in their pants whenever I look even mildly disapproving.”

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

“I’d trust Alan with every one of my secrets. Except if I do something that isn’t actually worrying but I think might worry him anyway. Because he’s a worrier. That’s not technically a secret.”

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

“Look, I think everyone has been truly scared. There’s always a moment in their life that really scares them, and just because it isn’t as scared as they can psychologically be doesn’t mean it wasn’t true scared. So yes, I have been truly scared. The most scared I’ve ever been was, obviously enough, when I got the phone call from my mother about Joseph.”

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

“Branches. They’re upbeat but at the same time make me feel calm and relaxed, which is thankfully my mood in general.”

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

“My favourite coffee shop is a block down from my work. I rarely take work there, usually just buy a coffee and leave or stay for a while and lounge. It’s my favourite because they make the coffee taste how it smells. If coffee doesn’t taste the way it smells, you might as well be drinking mud water. They practically have walls instead of windows, and there’s this terrace on the second floor. It gives you a good view of the street. Looks best in the morning because there’s a park just a street away and people everywhere. The coffee shop itself -- the interior, I mean -- is just clean and tidy. Their seats are comfortable but don’t look like something a wannabe hippie would own. They like their plants in moderation. Their tables are glass, not metal or wood. They don’t have puns or cheesy quotes anywhere. I like that.”

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

“My biggest fear was that a dragon would kidnap my mom and hide her in a tower. I thought and still think that my mom is so pretty! So I figured that if a dragon was going to kidnap someone, it would be my mom. I don’t have that fear now, but I’m...well, I’m really afraid of Jace dying.”

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

“Jenny and Dean last father’s day. Their dad’s already been dead for about a year at that point, but...hell, it’s their dad. I probably looked really sad, too, and he wasn’t even my biological dad.”

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

“I do like poetry. Not big on the older stuff, mostly because of the language barrier. The modern stuff is easier to understand. I actually prefer confessional poetry because it’s like looking into the dark corners of someone’s mind, and not in this romanticised way. Not for me, at least. This certain kind makes me feel seen because when someone shares their experiences from behind their own eyes, in their own shoes, they experience emotions and thoughts that are so raw and human that I feel less alone reading them. I haven’t read that much, to be honest, so I don’t have favourites. I’ve only read the more popular ones that have been coming out in the past decade, so I think picking a favourite is unfair because my pool is so small.”

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? 

“I don’t know. I’ve never worn a flower crown, but I suppose that if I were given one, I’d like for it to have a good amount of leaves along with the flowers. Green is my favourite colour. The flowers can be anything, but I think open ones look better. Maybe daisies-- they sound perfect. Yellows and pinks and reds would be welcome, too, as long as there’s a good amount of white daisies.”

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

“I would not say I forget easily, but I note everything down, just in case. Some things are too important to get wrong, while others just cause avoidable inconvenience. It helps me organise my time and prioritise, too, so I just opt for making notes.”

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

“Fanclub! They’re very cute. I only saw them in that movie called Despicable Me. Most of the time, Ivan and I aren’t allowed to use the TV, but it was on one of the days we were allowed, so we watched it. I liked it a lot. The minions are so full of energy and happy and stuff.”

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

“Ooooh, yes!! I’m gonna get a bunch of tattoos! They won’t be anything fancy, though. Just some stars and smiley faces here and there. They’ll all be in colour. Nothing black or white. There’s probably gonna be some small dinosaurs. And music notes. Oh, and rocket ships! I’ll just get a tattoo every time I think of something. They’ll be small. Like, and inch or something, so there’s plenty of room!”

90: talk about one of your favorite cities.

“Paris is my favourite city. The thing about it is...it loves you. That’s how I can describe it. It’s a very old city, okay? A lot of shit went down in it. There were wars and revolutions and all that. I admit that I don’t know much about the historical details because I sucked ass in history class, but I just feel like Paris was founded on fighting, and people fight for their rights and the things they love. So...I think that every building in Paris was made with love and built with a purpose. I don’t like New York because I feel like it just wants to eat you. Paris loves you. I’m very appreciative of that, and I’m appreciative of the buildings most of all. Especially the old ones are gorgeous. I try to incorporate as much of Paris into my architecture models as I could.”

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

“Not really quickly. If I just got on my computer and it tells me it needs to update, I wait until I’m done with my task before I update it. Otherwise, it’ll keep bothering me about it, so I just like to get it over with. Similar thing with my phone. I postpone the update until bedtime then let it update while I sleep. No need to let it disturb the flow of my day, you know? But I’m still gonna do it. I’m not a big procrastinator.”

[writeyourownlifestory]

SUCKER PUNCHED

Chapters: 5/9 Fandom: IT Rating: M Warnings: Mention of past child // psychological abuse, Fight Club!au, mentions of suicide attempt. Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, learning to love yourself

Tag list: @richietoaster, @beproudtozier, @that-weird-girls-blog, @s-onora, @s-s-georgie, @bellarosewrites, @iamcupcakefrosting, @reddieonwheels, @ghostnebula, @madidraw @madi-main, @gazebobullshit, @thoughtfullyyoungduck​, @airbenderking, @ambitiousskychild

By the time Eddie was 13, he was allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and several cooking oils. By 15, he had never swum in gym class and never went to a friend’s birthday party or had one of his own. By 16, Eddie knew that he liked looking at boys rather than looking at girls, though that didn’t seem to matter at the time. By 18, he had graduated high school and that was the end of his social life. And by 21, Eddie’s life had been torn to pieces.

He was a victim of Munchausen syndrome by proxy and now left without a mother, without a home, and without a clue. On top of being told he should go to group therapy, his caseworker had also suggested doing something to blow off some steam. Join a book club or go to the gym. Or maybe join a need-to-know based fight club. Either or.

Chapters one, two, three, four

Eddie Kaspbrak had never had a crush before. While some assholes might have believed due to never being able to leave his house, he would wind up with some Oedipus complex, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Eddie wouldn’t have been attracted to his mother for several reasons, but the main one, aside from the whole incest factor, was that he didn’t like women.

The truth was however, he didn’t seem to like men either. There was perhaps a small inkling that in reality, he did favor one over the other, but he hadn’t ever found someone he longed to be with. No actors came to mind when Beverly asked him who his favorite celebrity crush was and whenever Mrs. Hanscom would tell him he could invite someone special over for dinner, he always drew a blank.

The only person he ended up inviting was Richie because he was special in his own right. Richie wasn’t the only friend he had during his time in Bangor. He had gotten closer with Bill, and Mike, and Stan just as much as he had with Ben and Beverly.

Bill and he had begun to see one another outside of the group meetings. It started after Bill had taken a hard hit to the face after a fight and it seemed Eddie was the only one with any knowledge on patching up a wound. He blamed it on spending so much time in doctors' offices and asking the pharmacist what all the different products did. He fixed Bill up and the two became friends, with Eddie showing Bill all the different ways to keep himself from bleeding out and how to hide certain bruises with certain products.

After Bill, it had been Mike, who had taken Eddie under his wing on nights he went to watch the fights. He tried to explain in further detail the different movements and marks the fighters were making. There was so much more terminology that Eddie had ever expected. Each punch had a name, each foot motion had a title. It wasn’t just punched and block, it was jag, and cross, an uppercut, and a hook. Outside of the fighting, Mike was a gentle soul who enjoyed spending time with the animals on his family's farm and welcomed Eddie to come along and do the same, though that was still something he had yet to find any real enjoyment in, though the invite was nice.

Stan and Eddie had found a nice middle ground based on them both rolling their eyes at Richie’s antics and taking comfort in relaxing activities such as puzzles and building ships in a bottle. Stan had taken Eddie bird watching with him and he had to admit that being out in the woods wasn’t as terrifying as his mother made it out to be. He didn’t have to worry about poison ivy, or ticks, or quicksand-like she had always warned about.

Having friends was so much different than Eddie thought it would be. He wasn’t putting on a show or wearing a mask. He wasn’t trying to blend in or force himself to laugh or smile just for somebody to include him. The gang liked him for who he was despite the obvious oddity that he had walked out of.

The only one who seemed to try to get a reaction out of him was Richie. Sometimes he would say something, give him a little nickname or make an obnoxious joke in hopes of getting a rise out of him. He had found ways to keep himself from freaking out, not wanting to upset his mother by being unhappy or annoyed.

With Richie, it was hard, however. He would just be so bothersome and then just laugh it off without a single thought. He never pushed too far, never made him feel too bad for it, he was just doing it to be a little shit.

There would be times when he was just sitting there and Richie would try to prompt him. They had gone out to the quarry and Richie would splash him while he was trying to read and sit in the sun, soaking up all the healthy rays that he had been denied during his childhood. They had gone to Mike’s farm and all agreed to take turns in the hammock. Richie had refused to get out and ultimately pulled Eddie in with him, forcing them to share it because he couldn’t be bothered to just let Eddie have his turn.

Rather than just letting it slip, however, Eddie had found himself lashing out at Richie. Never cruelly, never enough for them to get into an actual fight. Names would be thrown around, most of which Richie found pure enjoyment in. After all, he was doing this to rile Eddie up. To pull him from the shell he had found comfort in.

Nobody else had bothered to do so. Sure, Ben and Beverly allowed him to take his time, always ready to help him with anything he needed help with, but it was Richie that pushed himself into Eddie’s space and forced him to release all those urges that he hadn’t realized were still buried deep inside of himself.

So it was no surprise to Eddie when he began thinking of Richie whenever they were apart and dreaming of that goofy smile he would flash whenever they were together. He had begun to wonder if he was just not meant to feel sexual urges and then he’d wake up with a hard-on all because of the thoughts surrounding those glasses-wearing jackass.

Eddie didn’t know how to approach this. He was 21 years old. He was a grown adult, who could legally drink, though he didn’t drive and he didn’t have a car. It was the first time he had ever had a crush on anybody. He hadn’t felt this pathetic since the time he openly admitted to Greta Keene that his mother would be his Valentine when he was 12 years old.

He tried to shake it off and tell himself that it was just because they were friends. Who didn’t get a boner because of their buddy, right? But the hardening of his member didn’t come when he thought of Bill, or Stan, or Mike. And if by any chance it did come because of Ben, Eddie was fairly certain he would cut his dick off. The last thing he needed after escaping his home was to get turned on by his actual cousin.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on the situation, the only person that made him feel that way was Richie. The only person that made his stomach do flips and his heart to beat faster and faster, was Richie.

He tried to tell himself it was normal irritation, but he knew it was more. He found himself unsure if he wanted to slap Richie with his hand or his lips most days.

Eddie was sure it sounded ridiculous. Here he was, this lonely little virgin, dealing with this childish crush on his best friend. He felt stupid and dumb every time he thought about it. But he couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming in. Couldn’t stop the daydreams of grabbing Richie in the middle of their workouts and dragging him into the back room so he could have his way with him.

He knew about porn. He had masturbated before. He wasn’t that sheltered. He hid away in the darkness of his bedroom and touched himself back when he was a teenager who woke to morning wood almost daily. That shit was all biology. The stuff he dealt with now had Richie’s name all over it.

The worst of it had been at the stupid carnival that happened. It came to town every summer and it was probably the most exciting thing they had going on in Bangor. There were rides, and funhouses, and games to play. Ben, Mike, and Richie were pretty revved up about it, while the others just followed along because it was something to do.

They went on some of the rides, which were modestly fun to absolutely mindblowing. Eddie had never been to anything like this, so rollercoasters, and funhouses, and the merry-go-round were all things he was trying for the first time. He had been a little iffy on the Ferris wheel, as heights weren’t something he had ever been too keen on.

Richie had convinced him, however, promising that if he went on it with him, he’d win him something nice later. Eddie didn’t so much care about that but allowed Richie to tug him into the metal cubby that was no way safe and kept his eyes closed as they took off. Richie, for the most part, didn’t taunt him by rocking the stupid thing back and forth and instead kept his eyes focused on the horizon, instructing Eddie to do the same.

The sight was beautiful, but seeing Richie so content as he looked out at the sunset as even better.

When they got off, Richie made good on his promise. He followed Ben around, trying to win something for Eddie even though the latter repeatedly told him he didn’t have to. He had lost a handful of times, consistently going to the ATM to get more cash. When he finally did win, he saw a little girl pouting in the corner, having lost the game, and Richie, not being a monster, gave her the prize and thanked her for letting him win so he could show off. He went back to trying, leaving Beverly and Eddie to hang out on the sidelines.

Beverly, who had her arms full of the large stuffed animal Ben had won for her, was jittering off to the side. She had been trying to quit smoking and was dealing with the side effects of going cold turkey. “I’m proud of you,” Eddie mentioned to her, knowing how hard it must be to fight that urge.

“You’re sweet,” Beverly mentioned, picking aimlessly at her nails. “Ben said the same thing. When he found out I made it the two weeks without breaking, he bought me flowers.”

“Just imagine what he’ll get you when you go an entire month? And then six months? And then a whole year?”

Beverly just smiled, squeezing the large teddy bear to her chest. Across the way Ben stood, providing support to Richie as he continued to try and land the basketball into the hoop. Eddie watched the two of them smile at each other, the loving tension lingering between them.

“Bev,” Eddie spoke quietly. “Why are you and Ben just friends?”

Beverly snorted then, offering a faux look of surprise. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m not blind, Beverly. Nobody is. Ben won’t make the first move because he doesn’t want to force anything, but why haven’t you?”

Beverly looked away then, out into the distance. She chuckled, the same way Richie had the night he admitted he tried to kill himself. That short, dry laughter meant to fill the void as they collected their thoughts. “God I could use a cigarette right now.” She admitted.  

“You do like him, don’t you?”

“I would be a fool not to.” Beverly pointed out. “But I would be an even bigger fool to steal him from somebody who deserved him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m damaged goods, Eddie. The shit my dad put me through, there’s no going back from that. I . . . I’ve grown as a person, I know that is true, but Ben deserves better than some secondhand trailer trash that got fingered by her dad after he came home from work because he wanted to see if her hymen was still intact.”

“So what, you think because you were abused you don’t deserve love or some shit?”

It had been a topic brought up often during their group meetings. People like them, who had been hurt so badly by the people they trusted, didn’t know how to function in the real world because they didn’t see themselves as normal. To them, they were shiny toys that had been scuffled up and broken. Nobody would choose them, not when they were lying on the floor and the other person had the choice to buy something pretty and new.

Eddie himself had dealt with the issue, unsure as to why Mrs. Hanscom and Ben had put so much time and patience into him until he finally realized that was what family was meant to do. They were meant to be good, and gracious, and kind to one another. They weren’t supposed to lock them up and throw away the key.

“Ben is going to go places, Eddie. He’s going to get into an amazing college, just like Stan and Bill, and he’s going to leave this place behind and never look back. And I want that for him. He deserves that.”

“So do you.” Eddie insisted. “Beverly. All that shit you went through? You’re better because of it. It’s like they say in the meetings, the key isn’t to just survive but to live. Live your life after all the garage and prove our abusers wrong. You’re not doing that by keeping him at arm's length.”

“Since when did you get so insightful.”

“He is my cousin and he’s crazy for you. And you’re my friend and you’re crazy for him. Am I crazy for wanting you to be happy?”

Beverly didn’t answer. She kept her eyes on Ben or at least in that general direction. “You know, I could say the same for you.” She mentioned after a moment had passed. “When do you plan on living your life and making a move on Richie?”

“What?”

“He won’t ask you out because of his track record, but the guy is in to you, Eds.”

Eddie shook his head, refusing to believe it. “That’s just how he is, Beverly.”

“He can be an annoying prick at times, but it’s nothing compared to how he is with you. Face it, Eddie: pissing you off is Richie Tozier’s form of foreplay.”

“Spaghetti man!” Richie shouted as he jogged over. That big, bright smile that made his eyes light up was prominent on his face. He stopped in front of Eddie, holding his chin up high to him. “A Lannister always pays his debts.” He announced in a tight British accent.

He pulled something out from behind his back then, a small little koala bear that had come from one of the games.

“Bullshit,” Beverly called. “Either Ben won that or you paid the barker to hand it over.”

“You wound me, Ms. Marsh! I won this little guy fair and square.”

“It’s true, Bev. After about thirty tries, Rich finally wacked enough moles to be declared the winner.”

“Always knew I was a champion at walking off,” Richie announced proudly.

Eddie took the bear, hugging it closely to him. It wasn’t anywhere near the size of the one Ben had won for Beverly, but he couldn’t care in the least. He stood and followed the rest of the game over to the concession stands, all eager to purchase some overly greasy fair food, and thought about what Beverly had said to him.

Maybe Beverly had a point there. After all, Richie had begun to pester Eddie and Eddie only. Sure, he liked to push Stan’s buttons and flirt with Ben, but never to the point of getting a reaction out of them. Maybe he was just the only one receptive to it.

Still, Eddie didn’t want to focus too much on it. He had something else he had been working towards, and that was getting into the ring.

He hadn’t planned on ever fighting, but the more he worked out and gained muscle and the more he would go and watched, he began to think about what it would be like to be inside the ring just for a moment. The possibility of having the absolute shit beat out of him was obvious, but he could bow out any time he wanted to, no shame on it.

He had spoken to Richie and Ben about it, both of which seemed rather apprehensive about the idea, but neither was going to stop him if he wanted to do it. They told him he had to work a little bit more and gain more upper arm strength before trying it out.

Ben showed him a few pointers here and there to work on and Beverly even agreed to spar with him a couple of times just to get him in the general mindset of it all. She completely kicked his ass every time, but it was still nice to have an idea of what to expect. Richie continued to work at the gym with him, assisting in any way he could.

Eventually, it came to the point where he felt ready to step into the ring. They went to the farm one Saturday night and he gave his name to Mike to add to the list. Mike and Stan exchanged a swift look but didn’t argue. After a bit of time and more people signed up, the roster was posted.

Bowers vs Huggens. Corcoran vs Bannerman. Marsh vs Ripsom. And finally, Kaspbrak vs. Criss.

He would be going last, which was a bit of a baller busting moment since it meant waiting around. It also meant giving Richie the chance to try to talk him out of it. That of all things was a little off-putting. He had been working hard, building up to this moment and to know the one person Eddie wanted to prove himself to didn’t believe in him was disheartening.

“It’s not that I don’t believe in you dude,” Richie insisted. They had walked off for a bit, standing off by the torches lightening the area, just a bit far away so they could talk over the yelling and cheering. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I can handle myself, Rich. Besides, I see you get hurt all the time, it’s not a big deal.”

“My face is ugly to begin with, short stack. I’m trying to protect that pretty boy thing you got going on.”

Hearing Richie calls him pretty wasn’t anything new. He had said it from the beginning and lasted throughout their quick friendship. He complimented everybody, so it was never a real surprise to Eddie when Richie would drop some form of flattery on him. The only difference was Eddie happened to be the only one who got any real reaction from it.

The fight from over way had finished and it was Beverly’s turn next. Eddie had never missed a fight that any of his friends fought and he wouldn’t do it now. “I’ll be fine, Rich,” Eddie said, letting the words sink in before going off.

The fight between Beverly and Betty had been a wild one; not for the actual things going on inside the ring, but the reactions of the men around them. Seeing two women go at it was something Eddie would never gain pleasure from, but it seemed to work on the other guys.

“This is the most we’ve made in a while,” Mike commented as Stanley counted the bets.

“God bless sexism,” Stan replied dryly.

Mike had mentioned before that other men had offered to bet double if he got the women to dress a bit more scandalous. Both Betty and Beverly agreed to the show shirt, no shoes rule, but they had the sports bra that was more useful than fashion and wore either shorts or leggings.

Of course, the sex-driven pigs that loved the idea of two women tearing at each other begged the two men running the show to make them wear something over to underwear or a bikini, but they refused, insisting that the women could fight naked if the men did the same.

Beverly wound up winning, leaving the ring with a messy bun and fat lip, but she was the champion and that was that mattered to her.

When it was Eddie’s turn, he tried to keep himself from vomiting right on the spot. He accepted a hug for luck from Beverly, and a nod from Ben, and a final glance from Richie before climbing into the ring.

Vic Criss was a skinny guy with short, styled blond hair. He was good friends with Bowers and could be a bit of shit sometimes, but he wasn’t the worst of those who liked to throw punches.

Eddie tried to remember all the tips that Ben had given him before signing up. Just do the movements, focus on the other man’s weak points, and dodge and block everything he could. Tiring out the other opponent was also a good strategy but he also had to remember this wasn’t boxing or wrestling. Anything could be thrown at him at any given moment.

“And just remember, if you want out, just say so. No shame in stopping.” Ben reminded him once the final time.

Mike counted them in, stepping out of the way once it was time.

Eddie got into the stance, typical of most fighters. Vic started slow, mostly hitting his upper arms to throw him off. Eddie threw some jabs of his own and even landed a kick to Vic’s hip, but that was the last of him having the upper hand.

Vic didn’t go easy on him, making sure to quickly remind Eddie the point of this was to kick the shit out of his other. He got a good punch right to Eddie’s left cheek, cutting it open in a matter of moments. They got to the floor and tumbled together, and Eddie was able to snag a few hits of his own, but Vic was able to throw him off and land an elbow to Eddie’s nose. Blood came pouring out and he stopped for a moment when it touched his hips.

That had been his fatal flaw however and it gave Vic the chance to knock Eddie off his feet. He tackled him, holding him down and pinning him there for as long as he needed. Vic was announced the winner and Mike were there in a matter of moments to pull Eddie to his feet.

Vic turned to him then, shaking hands with him like any proper fighter. Eddie left the ring, letting Beverly look over his bruises. His cheek was cut and would need some damaging and his nose wasn’t broken but had a good amount of blood coming from it.

Eddie’s face from his nose to chin was stained in his blood and while that should have been rather horrifying to him, he found that he loved it. The rush that came from throwing and landing a punch was far more electrifying than Eddie ever anticipated.

Richie hurried to his side, offering a wet towel to help Eddie clean up. “How do you feel?” He asked automatically once Beverly was finished going over the damage.

“Amazing,” Eddie admitted, almost surprising himself with it. “I shouldn’t. I got punched. A lot. I should be revolted and feel like shit, but I just wanna jump back in there.”

“Fun, huh?” Richie beamed, placing his hand warmly on Eddie’s shoulder.

“It was fantastic. Almost arousing. Practically titillating.” Eddie rambled on, using big words he could think of to describe it. “Orgasmic.”

“Sounds hot, Eds,” Richie muttered, those big eyes drawing down to Eddie’s mouth.

Eddie would have thought it was due to the blood-splattered there, but he knew better. “Is my face still pretty, Rich?”

The taller man faltered for a moment before that big, goofy smile came across his lips. He reached out, gently touching Eddie’s chin with his thumb and index finger. He tilted his head up just slightly, moving in closer to him. “Cute, cute, cute.” He whispered.

Eddie waited for him to make the next move. To do the one thing they both wanted, but he didn’t. Richie stepped back then, releasing Eddie’s chin after a beat. For a moment Eddie began to question everything, wondering if he had missed something between them or was making it all up in his head.

He had already been bold once on this night, so he figured why not go for gold? Closing the space between them again, Eddie lifted his bruised and unwashed hands, grabbing Richie’s he’d and pulling him downwards as he leaned up. He kissed him then, his first kiss ever.

It was hard and his mouth was still somewhat covered in blood, but he loved it. And when he pulled back, he waited. A small part of his brain thought Richie would have reacted badly. Would have thought the actual idea of kissing Eddie was merely laughable and having his blood smeared across his face as a result of their kiss would be practically traumatizing.

But he just laughed. Heartly and full of joy, he laughed and smiled before dipping down to kiss Eddie again. It was proper this time, with a better angle. Eddie fell into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck, ignoring the discomfort that came from his nose and mouth pressed against Richie’s.

He had waited long enough for this. Besides, if it meant kissing Richie, the pain didn’t hurt that much anyway.

[hopelessromanticspoonie]

To Keep You Safe

Title: I’m fired up and tired of the way that things have been

Chapter: 8/?

Author: hopeless_romantic_spoonie

Summary: Life as the assistant to Tony Stark was busy, but boring. All of that changed when I touched something I shouldn’t have and woke up with strange new abilities. If I thought that trying to figure out my new place in life as an Avenger was tough, I had no idea what was in store for me once I ran into the frustrating God of Mischief, Loki.

Rating: E (later on)

Notes: Friendly reminder that this is un-Beta’d, so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I no doubt missed during revisions!

Also on Ao3 here :)

Warnings: Language

~~~

I quickly established a new routine without my training sessions with Wanda to distract me.

8 AM: Wake up, chug coffee, practice being social, get dressed.

9 AM: Run laps around the perimeter of the Compound.

10 AM: Get my ass kicked by Nat. Repeatedly.

11:30 AM: Inhale lunch.

12 PM: Suck at controlling my powers.

3 PM: Do more laps around the Compound.

5 PM: Zone out to reality TV in my room.

6 PM: Dinner with the gang. Play at being a human some more.

8 PM: Go to the gym to punch stuff.

9 PM: Shower, get ready for bed, pass out.

2 AM: Wake up from traumatic nightmares and fall asleep to more pointless reality TV.

5 AM: If I hadn’t exhausted myself enough, wake up again from nightmares.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

~~~

Over a week into my new work-myself-so-hard-that-I-don’t-think routine, I noticed that my carefully constructed schedule wasn’t fooling anyone.

Nat was staring me down with pointed glares in between each ass-kicking session. She mentioned that I was losing my edge. I didn’t know I had one to begin with, so that was a nice compliment.

One morning at breakfast Steve went full Captain America and pinned me to my stool with an insanely heavy hand on my shoulder, promising me that I can always talk to him about anything. It’s absurd how much strength that guy holds in just one hand. Probably more than I had in my entire body if I’m being honest with myself.

Bruce tried to get me to start going to daily sessions with him again. At the risk of bringing out the big guy, I never showed up to the meeting times he suggested--and that I never agreed to. He left well enough alone and only made F.R.I.D.A.Y. nag me about it once a day. Good guy, that Banner.

Thor seemed determined at cheering me up at any opportunity. He watched my favorite reality TV shows and sitcoms with me, kept me company sometimes when I couldn’t sleep at night, and even tried to help me learn some new techniques in the gym--that was the ass-kicking of the century. He was a sweet, lovable bear of a man who did give a mean hug, but sometimes he was just too much. Too loud and too big and too enthusiastic. He needed an off button or some sort of dial to turn it down.

The last one to break and say anything was Tony. He interacted with me much less than he used to in the past now that I was a mini-Avenger in training and not his Personal Assistant. I went into his lab every three or so days so he could check on any injuries I’d gotten from training, take a few blood or tissue samples, and update me on Wanda and Vision. It’s hard to get a surly word or fake smile in edgewise when he does ninety percent of the talking, so I flew under the radar for longer than I had expected I would. For a genius, he could be oblivious about interpersonal relationships.

His breaking point was when I just flat out didn’t respond to his latest status report on my magical voodoo coach and her door-hating man.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Jen? I just told you that they’re going to be out for at least another two weeks, and you don’t even bat an eye? Since when do you not care about your friends?”

I did care about Wanda and Vision, I did. Tony had informed me a while ago that the insanely smart Princess of Wakanda, Shuri, had successfully managed to remove the stone from Vision’s head and Wanda had promptly destroyed it. Vision was doing fine, but he was adjusting to having to use doors now that he couldn’t just walk through walls anymore. He couldn’t shoot beams from his forehead anymore, or alter his appearance to look human, but those were all minor setbacks when it came to destroying the Mind Stone and keeping him chugging along. Once they were finished with their Hydra brain-digging they’d be headed straight home.

My hands twisted themselves together in my lap. “I do care,” I insisted unconvincingly.

Tony took off his glasses and leveled me with a hard stare, his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s going on?”

“What do you want me to say?” I huffed, unable to meet his disappointed gaze any longer.

“Explain why I’ve had four of our friends and coworkers come up to me and ask if you were okay. If the tests showed anything negative because your piss poor attitude sure does. Did your favorite person get kicked off of Survivor? Did Ben and Jerry’s stop making Hunka Hulka Burning Fudge? What is it?”

I groaned, pulling my knees up to my chest as I sat on the exam table and shoved my face into them.

“You wouldn’t understand, Tony.”

“Try me, Poison Ivy,” he insisted, not unkindly.

“It’s dumb as hell.”

He came over to sit down on the table next to me and nudged my shoulder with his. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me that you’ve been having nightmares and I know you haven’t been talking to Bruce about it. I can get someone in here if you need it. A professional. Just gotta ask.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. is a snitch,” I muttered, fiddling with the handle of my knife on my thigh absentmindedly. I had taken to wearing it again, at Tony’s request, and it was equal parts reassuring and daunting to have that steady weight on my leg again. Of course Tony would check up on me when he noticed something. He was basically Dad of the team, and he’d been doing his best to take care of everyone, including me, for as long as I could remember. He would see my restlessness and work ethic and nightmares for what they were. It wasn't as if this was a new pattern of mine. “I don’t need to see anybody. I’m fine.”

“Then get the hell over it. You’re an Avenger now. You gotta sort through this shit however you need to so you can get back on your A-Game. Hydra is still out there looking for your skinny ass. They aren’t going to stop trying to breach the Compound’s defenses or lure you out because you’re throwing the world’s longest pity party for yourself. Wanda and Vision are out there risking their lives for you, so maybe show a little gratitude for their hard work and don’t act like a waste of space,” he snapped, his voice barely restrained as he poked my arm with each point until I looked up at him. He was right in my face, giving me every ounce of disappointment and rage in his clenched jaw and hard eyes that he refused to let out in his words. It was so paternal and there was so much care driving the speech.

And it broke me.

I pulled my eyes from him to stare up at the ceiling, blinking to try to keep the tears that pricked at my eyes from falling. It didn’t work, though, and they slipped down my red face anyway. I chewed on the inside of my cheek and crossed my arms over my chest as I worked as hard as I could to keep from crumbling under the weight of his disappointment.

“Oh, shoot. Hey, kid, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out,” Tony said worriedly, hands fluttering uselessly in front of him.

I took several deep, shaky breaths before I felt in control enough to get off of the exam table and put some distance between us. I needed to lessen the intensity somehow. Why was everybody in this damn Compound so freaking intense all the time? My hands clasped over the back of my head as I paced in front of him and just let my jumbled thoughts spill out of my mouth.

“No, it’s not okay. It’s frustrating as hell and I’m pissed and I can’t do anything about it so I just don’t but that doesn’t work because then I’m just bottling all of this up inside. That’s not good for my powers, so I haven’t been able to use my abilities and practice since it happened. And that’s not good because I need to make sure I can defend myself and that I don’t need anybody to help me. And I can’t sleep at night because I keep seeing those…” I sucked in a shaky breath, “those guys but then I wake up alone and it doesn’t feel safe and I’m so angry at myself and-”

“Woah, woah, woah. There’s a lot to unpack there. Let’s start from the top, okay?” Tony asked, raising his hands to stop the rambling tirade as it spilled directly from my brain out of my mouth. He waited until I had stopped pacing back and forth and was looking in his general direction before he continued, “What is frustrating as hell?”

It was too much to pick apart. “Everything.”

“One example, kid. Throw me a bone.”

“Can’t do just one. Better question,” I countered quickly.

Tony rubbed at the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger, squinting his eyes together tightly. “Okay... Why can’t you do anything about whatever is frustrating as hell?”

“Because I’m not the one who did it.” Well, kinda.

“Who did what?” he asked, his frustration clipping his words.

“Acted like an asshole. Which is to be expected of him, but it’s frustrating because I believed him and I trusted him and that’s a dumb, naive thing to do when it comes to the God of Lies and Mischief,” I explained, my voice sounding as deflated as I felt after my outburst.

It had been dumb to believe him. He didn’t have me. I wasn’t safe. He wasn’t going to be around like he promised me in that car. The look in his eyes had been a lie. The gentle touches and steamy kisses were easily faked to deal with a sticky situation. That’s all. I had known better than to trust him, I had every reason not to believe that he had changed, and I ignored it all because of two life-saving moments, some making out, and a halfway confession of mind control. I knew better.

He shifted on the table, shaking his head and blinking dramatically as if to make what I just said any less nonsensical. From his continued confused expression on his face, it didn’t work. “I’m sorry, Jen, but you’re gonna have to explain.”

And so, after taking a beat to gather my thoughts, I unloaded everything onto Tony. The admission in the car. The dancing and making out in the club. Our fight against the Hydra assholes. How he was in the car. How he was completely different on the rooftop. And how pissed I was that I was pissed that he was ghosting me now after he’d made himself such a staple in my life over the last month.

After all was said and done, I collapsed onto a nearby chair and hung my head, letting my thick hair fall to partially hide my face while I waited for him to tell me what I already knew: That I was an idiot. I was naive. I shouldn’t have expected any different from Loki. He was known for this sort of behavior, wasn’t he? When the reprimand I was expecting didn’t come after several pregnant beats, I peeked up at him to be met with a very guilty-looking Tony staring back at me.

“Oh, kid. I fucked up,” he sighed.

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. “What did you do, Tony?”

“I, uh, overreacted. I might have flipped out. When Sam and Nat called to tell me what had happened with those guys I lost my cool. And then when you pulled up and I opened the door to see Loki holding you like that, while you looked so broken… It brought out this whole protective thing in me that usually just comes out around the Spiderkid.”

I got up and stood directly in front of him. “What. Did. You. Do. Tony?” I asked through clenched teeth, working very hard to remain in control as my pulse thudded in my ears.

“You know who he is. The Trickster God of Lies and Mischief. All I saw was this thousand-year-old god taking advantage of someone who’s had too many hard knocks in life. So I talked to him.” Tony held his hands up in surrender.

“No shit, Sherlock. What did you say?” I asked, feeling the familiar power roaring to life beneath my skin. It was nice to have it feel so accessible after almost two weeks of frustration, but I smothered it the best I could. I wouldn’t get a good answer out of Tony if I dragged him outside and made a tree give him a nice tight squeeze.

“I told him to stay away from you. That you were off-limits and he’s no good for you. You’ve been through too much to be chewed up and spit back out once he’d finished playing with the shiny new mortal-”

“Fuck, Tony! Damn!” I shouted, throwing my hands to my side. My knife came unbidden into my waiting hand, but I didn’t raise it against him. I wasn’t that far gone to my anger. “You aren’t my Dad! That’s not your place!”

He stood up so that we were face to face, his jaw tight as he glanced at the dagger before looking back at my tight face. “That’s right. I’m not. Because he got them killed. Did you forget that?”

It was like he had stabbed me in the heart and punched me in the gut at the same time. I shoved the unwelcome last images that I had of my father out of my mind as tears that I had just gotten control over pricked at my eyes once again. I took a stumbling step away from him, as if I could walk away from the emotional turmoil he’d thrust upon me. “No, I didn’t. But that wasn’t him. He wasn’t in control.”

“And you believe him?” he asked incredulously. “He’s a liar.”

I hesitated briefly. “Not about this. You didn’t see his face.”

“I don’t need to. I know what he is. You’re not thinking clearly,” he accused, shaking his head at me.

“I’m not doing this with you right now,” I stated, backing away from him. I stormed out of the room, fumbling and then shoving my knife back into its sheath. I missed on the first attempt, leaving a steadily bleeding thin slice down my thigh and ruining my leggings, but I didn’t miss a step. I had a god to confront.

I jogged to the roof, standing there panting with my hands on my hips and my head dropped to my chest. My breath condensed in the air in front of me, and I made myself try to slow everything going on inside of me, from my blood rushing through my veins to my power desperately trying to claw its way to the surface, way down while I waited for Loki to show up. He was always creeping around somewhere and he would have been curious about my argument with Tony, I was sure of it. We hadn’t exactly been quiet about it.

Sure enough, by the time I was in slightly more control of myself, the hair on the back of my neck raised at the feeling of someone watching me. I had talked to Thor about this odd sensation, and he agreed that my suspicions of Loki being to blame were probably correct. He was more than capable of messing with my head enough so that I wouldn’t be able to sense him there if he wanted to, which meant that he wanted me to know that he was around. He was too good at his magic to just slip up like that. No, he was playing with me just enough so that I would know he was being an invisible creeper without actually making himself known. It was like knowing that there was ice cream in the freezer while you were on a diet. It was there, but it might as well not have been for all the good it was doing and the torment it caused.

“Stay out of my head, Loki. Don’t be a coward. Show yourself,” I called, holding my arms up in the air challengingly.

“I am a god. A Prince of Asgard. I am no coward,” his voice hissed in my head.

Gotcha.

“You won’t even speak out loud or show yourself. Seems pretty cowardly to me,” I goaded him loudly. “Afraid?”

Loki appeared before me in a flash of green light, gripping my upper arms and shoving me roughly back against the door behind me. His eyes were crazed as they swept over my face. “Don’t you dare assume you know anything about me, mortal.”

I stared him down, telling myself that this was all show even as my body reacted very differently. I was practically vibrating with an electrifying mixture of fear and rage as his fingers dug painfully into my flesh and he towered over me. But he wouldn’t do anything me. I had to believe that. If he was going to kill me he wouldn’t have saved my life twice over by now. That was a little harder to make myself fully believe when he looked so manic and wrathful and I knew just how much damage he could do to me if he wanted to. Very easily.

“I know that Tony talked to you,” I said quietly, continuing when he opened his mouth to probably give some smartass answer, “I know that he treated you terribly. Like a monster. Telling you to stay away from me even though he didn’t have the right. Twisting everything around so it seemed like you manipulated me into trusting you.”

Loki tightened his grip on my arms, only releasing them when an involuntary wince twisted my firmly set mouth. He didn’t back away, though, his angered breaths blowing against my face as he sneered down at me. He dragged a long, cool finger across my jaw. “How do you know that I didn’t manipulate you? Mortals are so easily swayed, especially the fairer sex.”

“What would be the result of that? What would you get out of saving my life twice, tending to my wounds while I wasn’t even conscious to appreciate it, and helping me hold it together after the night of the club? What does that do for you?” I refused to move away from him. That was what he wanted. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

His brow furrowed for half a second, as if he was actually contemplating my question, but quickly replaced it with his mask of fury once again. “I was merely toying with you, love. It was in my best interest to go unrecognized in the club, and then afterward I would’ve been imprisoned again if I had let them take you. Your Avengers hold a soft spot for their new pet.”

He was just lashing out at me to avoid confronting his emotions. I had to keep on digging or we weren’t going to get anywhere.

“That doesn’t answer why you comforted me.”

He finally took a step away from me, and even that small amount of distance eased the rapid beat of my heart in my throat. From the way his eyes ticked to my neck I had to assume that my pulse was visible to him, and he had taken notice. Disgust dripped off of him as he replied, “Because you were pathetic. A warrior does not mourn those that they slay in battle. I had to keep your fragile psyche together long enough to get you to your equally feeble friends, who wouldn’t see it for the weakness that it was.”

His words finally achieved his goal, and I had to look away to try to hide how they had cut me to my core. He was just voicing what I had been telling myself. I did feel weak and pathetic for reacting that way, but it also meant that I wasn’t some robot who had no value for human life. Any normal person would be troubled by the knowledge that they had killed someone and gotten more men brutally killed just be existing. Either way, I couldn’t win.

But the aspect that hurt most of all was that he hadn’t acted out of concern for me. It was all to save his ass and get rid of me, just like I had suspected. At least, that was what he wanted me to believe. I couldn’t accept that completely, though, not when my gut was telling me otherwise.

I straightened up off of the wall and set my fiery gaze on him once again. “So explain this to me, and don’t you dare interrupt. You are going to hear what I have to say and then you can fuck right off to go haunt some other poor soul.”

I hesitated to see if he would try to stop me, but surprisingly he just stood there in stunned silence as if he couldn’t believe that I was standing up to him. It wasn’t like this was the first time. But I was fully done at this point and I needed to get everything out of my system and then I could just leave it. But he was going to let me say my peace, damn it.

“I don’t know how long you think that you can lie to yourself, but it isn’t going to work forever. I’m not going to let it. You spent weeks watching me like I was some fucking science experiment. You slithered your way into my life by constantly hanging around, by making me reliant on you when I wake up from my nightmares, by stopping bullets aimed my way with your own body, and then drop me on my ass. You don’t do all of those things for anybody. I don’t see you doing any of those things for Natasha. I know that girl has to have nightmares with all the shit that she has been through. I don’t see you throwing yourself in the line of danger for somebody like Sam. You don’t get to just thrust yourself into my life like that and then waltz out like nothing happened. I’m not some plaything that you can use and toss away. I’m a person, even if that doesn’t mean much to a freaking thousand-year-old asshole alien prince.”

“You do not get to tell me what to do,” he hissed.

But while his words were laced with anger, I could see the cool facade that he had constructed slowly cracking at the edges. Just a furrowed brow, his lips slightly parted, his eyes darting between my own. But it was enough to give me that last bit of oomph that I needed to continue.

“What are you going to do about it? Stab me? Kill me? I’m just a human woman. It wouldn’t be hard to do at all. If that’s what you want, then do it,” I seethed, pulling my dagger out and holding it to my neck for him, staring defiantly at him even as tension pulled my muscles taut. “Because either you admit that you did those things because you wanted to, because you felt something and that you’re too much of a coward to admit it, or you can get the hell out of my life. None of this halfway bullshit anymore. I’m too tired and too stressed and I’m struggling too much to play games with the Trickster God.”

His shining eyes took me in, and in one quick move he stepped up to me so that our chests were touching and his hand closed over mine, holding my knife at my throat. “I admit nothing.”

His grip hadn’t been very strong and I yanked my hand away easily. I sheathed my knife and shook my head, all of my rage melting out of me, leaving just exhaustion to weigh me down. “You see everyone else so clearly but yourself.”

He flinched at my words and closed his eyes tightly but I didn’t let myself question his reaction. I just wanted to be done with this conversation and never have it again. So everything needed to be said. I wasn’t going to have any regrets or thoughts of ‘what if’ when it came to this moment, consequences be damned. It wasn’t like he could hurt me anymore than he already had.

“If you won’t admit it, I will. That night, something changed. And I’m not just talking about when we were dancing together, or when we kissed. Yeah, that was really good, you weren’t wrong about that. But it had felt right. We… we fit. Even though you’re a giant compared to me, we fit. And then, after...,” I paused and took a steadying breath as I choked out the words around the lump of frustration in my throat, “you were the only thing that felt safe. You were the one that I trusted to protect me and hold me together. And I needed that, especially during my nightmares. And I hate that I needed that so much. I try to be so independent. But you had abandoned me.”

I ran a hand through my hair with a heavy sigh. “And that’s fine. You don’t owe me anything. I’m going to learn to live with what I did and what I saw in time. I’ll do it on my own. But I can’t do that if I’m also trying to figure out this situation on top of everything else. I can only handle so much at one time, and I have to take care of myself. You acting like an asshole to me one second and then treating me so tenderly the next isn’t going to cut it. You have to pick one.”

My hand settled lightly on his bicep. “I hope that one day you can be honest with yourself. Because I don’t think you are right now, and I think that’s hurting you more than you think it’s protecting you,” I whispered, squeezing his arm softly before walking away from him.

I didn’t expect him to stop me, and he lived up to that expectation. I didn’t run into anyone as I took the elevator down to the ground floor, and the few employees that I passed as I made my way outside didn’t even glance up at me as I moved quickly through them. The bite of the winter air returning to the exposed skin of my face was more than welcome as I began my usual jogging route along the perimeter of the Compound. I needed to think, and with Loki currently occupying my favorite thinking spot, this was my alternative that wasn’t the confines of my room. I wanted the open air right now.

I didn’t get very far before all of the emotions that I had cycled through in such a short period of time finally fully released themselves into hot tears that rolled down my cheeks. I always cried when I got overwhelmed. It was embarrassing. I let out a strangled shriek and stopped jogging, bending forward at my waist and pulling my sweater into my fists to wipe away the evidence of my emotions. Loki was right. I really was pathetic.

“I am not worth your tears.”

I straightened up and lowered my hands to my sides, digging my nails into the fabric clutched in my palms. I kept my back to him, not wanting to be seen crying for what felt like the thousandth time that day. “Oh?” I asked, cringing inwardly at the break in my voice on such a short word.

His voice was closer this time. “I am not. No one is.”

I barked out a harsh laugh. “Yeah, well, I guess I’ll keep that in mind,” I scoffed, walking away.

His slim fingers encircled my wrist gently to stop my speedy progress away from him. “Did you mean what you said?”

I turned around to face him, swallowing my pride and looking up to him. The cold hatred that he had worn earlier had gone, and in its stead, his eyes were soft as they took in my tear-stained face. Tentatively, he reached up and swiped away a tear as it rolled down my cheek. “Did you mean what you said?” he implored in a low voice.

“I don’t have any reason to lie,” I replied, just as quietly.

In one swift motion he yanked me against him, encompassing me in his strong embrace. My face collided almost painfully with the hard muscles of his chest he was so fast. I remained stiff against him, even as one hand moved from my back to cradle the back of my head. I wasn’t going to let myself get pressured into enjoying how heavenly he smelled, or how comforting it was to my weary heart to feel his voice rumbling through his chest.

“Only one other woman has been able to see through me so effectively.”

A small smile cracked my lips. “Smart woman.”

“Yes, she was,” he replied, voice weighed down with a terrible sadness that tugged at my heart. “This will not be easy.”

I didn’t say anything for a while, letting myself process everything. If he said that I could see through him, that had to be his weird proud way of admitting that I was right. But what about? Everything? That’s what it sounded like. But my weary heart and mind needed more clarification.

I hesitantly lifted my hands from their place at my sides and rested them on his waist, sliding over the slick fabric of his shirt. “I’m going to need you to be more specific, Loki.”

A sigh ruffled my hair before his hands moved to my shoulders to hold me at arm’s length. That same softness was still there on his face, but it was now laced with a hint of vulnerability and fear that I wasn’t used to seeing on him at all. “I have grown quite attached to you, as of late, little one.”

Stifling the hope that soared within my chest, I raised an eyebrow at him. “No tricks?”

He pushed an errant piece of hair behind my ear and let his hand fall to rest on my shoulder so his fingers could lift goosebumps on the soft skin of my neck from his caress. “No more tricks. Not with you.”

Smiling wearily, I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into the column of his throat. “Don’t make me regret this, Loki,” I pleaded, my voice muffled by his skin.

His arms crushed me to him so tightly that it was hard to take a deep breath, but it still didn’t feel close enough. I felt his smooth lips move against the skin just beneath my ear as he replied, “I wouldn’t dream of it, love.”

[hillywooddestiel]

The Retreat- Chapter 14

Characters: CEO!Bucky x reader

Warnings: angst, stalker issues, some almost smut

Word count: 1.7k

Series description: Y/N Y/L/N: determined business woman, sought after by most businesses, creative visionary for advertising. She has it all. Or so she thinks. Life has a way of kicking you sideways when you least expect it, want it or are in anyway prepared for it. Numerous times. How can Y/N remain from cracking under the pressure when her career isn’t the only thing on the line and everything isn’t all that it seems?

A/N: Hey! It’s me, I’m back! Sort of. Long time no see. Uni is taking up so much of my time but I will be on here for summer at least. I’ve actually finished this series, i just need to post it so that’s a steady upload you can expect. I’m trying to write chapters for my other series and stuff but I am struggling a little right now. Maybe I’ll do some drabble asks or something to ease back into things. So yeah, the hiatus is semi-over and I am trying. Enjoy xx Series Masterlist    Marvel Masterlist

Story:

“Look alive! Barnes is on his way.” Maria warns me as she passes my office door though it's no warning to me. After an entire weekend spent alone in my apartment, aside from going to get a new phone and the two minutes the pizza delivery girl spent at my door, I'm feeling a little better. Not great but, I'm crying less so that's a plus, right? Nothing else happened over the weekend. No calls, no mail, no threatening sky writing- nothing! Maybe the phone call was a fluke and I overreacted. A girl can dream.

“Y/N, can I talk to you?” Barnes stands just inside my door, looking at me expectantly. I get up from my chair and move towards the door to close it.

“Of course.” The second the handle clicks shut, his whole demeanour changes to that of someone more relaxed and happy.

“I've been calling you all weekend! Why didn't you answer?” He holds my arms gently and looks into my eyes.

“I'm sorry, I broke my phone and had to get a new one.”

“Oh… well I'm glad you're okay.” He lowers his head and connects out lips in a sweet kiss, “Are you feeling better?”

“Mhm. In fact, I was thinking we could have dinner again. Tonight.” I suggest, finding myself lost in him.

“Sounds good.” Bucky kisses me again, his hands beginning to explore my waist and my back. He swipes his tongue across my lower lip before making the kiss deeper, casting his spell over me once again. It's a good thing that he's the one to pull back for air because I don't think that's something I could do. “I know a really good steakhouse. They have live music and I know the owner.”

“Actually… can we have dinner at your place? I just… I don't want people thinking anything weird is going on.”

“So, we're going to sneak around?” Bucky asks a little confused with a hint of sarcasm.

“Not sneaking around, keeping things private. Plus there are other perks to being in your apartment…” I add with a sultry voice, pressing myself closer to his chest.

“Oh there are? What kind of perks?” He teases, his fingers fiddling with the hem of my blouse.

“Well there's one that springs to mind…” I pull him into a kiss by the lapels, the intensity growing rapidly. Just as I'm getting into the groove, my intercom beeps from my desk.

“Y/N, Sam's here to see you.” Wanda says plainly, obviously having been warned of my visitor (normally she would be a lot more chirpy or come into my office to tell me in person). Bucky and I break apart with a sigh, straightening our appearances.

“So my place after work. I'll pick you up from your office.”

“Okay, I'll see you later.”

As promised, Bucky picks me up from my floor after everyone else has left and we take a cab to his apartment. The view is just as beautiful as the last time I was here and is greatly improved by homemade meatballs and wine. I make sure to sit far back from the windows this time though.

“So what did you do?”

“I got the hell out of there! Apparently it was some huge dream of this frat kid to have one and the only way two girls would come to his place was if he told them he needed tutoring.”

“What did he think was gonna happen?”

“I don't even know. So what's your craziest college experience.” I ask, thoroughly intrigued by what the great Bucky Barnes got up to in college when he wasn't doing business.

“Well there was this one girl that asked me for tutoring but I think it too was just a long plan to get in my pants.” he snarks.

“Busted!” I hold up my hands, avoiding spilling any wine, and laugh.

“In all seriousness though, I didn't really do much crazy shit in college.”

“Nerd! I bet if I asked Steve he'd be able to tell me all kinds of stories.”

“You wouldn't dare.” his smile drops immediately.

“Aha! So there is something, do tell.” I sit back in my seat- this should be good.

“Fine… in my freshman year, I applied to join a frat house. As a part of the initiation we were taken to the woods and left to survive the night with nothing.”

“That's it?” That's disappointing, I wanted something juicy.

“No, we were literally left with nothing. At all.” He cocks a brow and the penny finally drops.

“Oh! You mean…”

“Mhm. I got a rash from poison ivy in places it should not be possible to get a rash.” Bucky readjusts himself in his seat at the mere memory.

Dinner finished with and the plates long since discarded in the sink, Bucky pulls me into his lap with a mischievous grin. The heat from his body and his close proximity sends a tingle throughout my body.

“I believe we were in the middle of something earlier…”

“In the office? That was a while ago, you'll have to remind me…” I play dumb for a moment, leaning in to kiss Bucky's lips. His hands run along my thighs, lifting my legs around him so as to easily lift and carry me to the bedroom. I fiddle with the top three buttons on his shirt as we go.

“Y/N/N…” Bucky moans as I kiss his neck, pulling at his shirt now to the point that the stitches start to pull. He drops me the rest of the way onto the bed and I bounce on the mattress with a look of shock (well wouldn't you be?). To my surprise and slight dismay, he grabs the sides of his half open shirt and rips it off sending the buttons flying across the floor with a clatter- it was such a nice shirt. Then again, it's probably just water off a duck's back for him to buy a new one.

Clothes are discarded slowly as we move against each other for friction, intent on making slow, lazy love to each other. Bucky leaves kisses down my exposed collarbone, his stubble marking me with scratches. I tilt my head ever so slightly to the side allowing him more access to the sensitive skin. It's just as Bucky finally manages to unclasp my bra that I hear the distinct jingle of keys and the door open and close.

“Bucky, you in?”

“Is that Steve?” I whisper, my hands tightening around his biceps. He looks to me with a slight look of fear, lifting a finger to his lips.

“Buck? You okay?” Steve asks again.

“Just a minute Steve!”

“What are you doing?!” I hiss, hurriedly redressing myself in whatever I can find which happens to be my pencil skirt, one of Bucky's t-shirts, a navy blazer and no shoes.

“I'll distract Steve, you go out the front.”

“Are you serious?”

“Completely. Do you want him to see you?” I shake my head as Bucky ushers me towards the door, “Didn't think so.”

“Fine… Wait what about my shoes?” I look down, wiggling my bare toes.

“I'll call you a cab, just wait in the lobby.” He places a kiss on my lips before pushing me out of the bedroom and behind the island in the kitchen just in time.

“Bucky… what are you doing?” Steve queries, referring to his lack of a shirt and trousers. Rather awkwardly, Bucky leans onto the island with his elbow in an attempt to look casual.

“I'm… just… I'm cleaning.” He grabs the nearest item and starts wiping the surface in circular motions- my blouse!

“That's a shirt.”

“Yep… it is.”

“Is there someone else here?”

“Nope no nobody no.”

“Right… I need to talk to you anyway.” Okay I really should go while he's distracted. Slowly and, most importantly, quietly, I slide along the floor towards the front door and wait until Steve's back is turned to slip out. Shit, my bag! I can't go back in. Fuck, I'm gonna have to leave it and come back. I hope he's called a cab.

Barnes did call me a cab after all so I wasn't left stranded in the lobby of a fancy apartment block looking like some crazy fashion blogger who was trying a look and failing. So that's a plus, right? Once back at my block, I awkwardly enter past my neighbours, barefoot and hoping not to be seen. The man who lives across the hall from me, Phil, is just coming back from work himself. He smiles at me as normal, turning into more of a stifled chuckle when he looks down to my feet. Note to self: get a pedicure next time you want to travel across the city without shoes. The elevator ride is quiet, save for the usual small talk and the whir of the mechanisms. At the top I let Phil get out first. Thank God I leave a spare key hidden in the plant pot next to my door or I don't know what I would do.

“Um… Y/N?” Phil stops still in the hallway outside my door.

“Yeah?” I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end at the nervousness of his voice. I nearly scream when I see what's concerning him. The word 'Slut’ is spray painted in bright red capitals across my front door, the paint dripping down the wall like blood. “Oh my god…”

“You been having problems with those kids from 7b again? I can talk to Marjorie again if you are.”

“Uh not recently…” this has to be my stalker again, “Those damn kids.”

“You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. Can I- can I borrow your phone?” Phil seems to buy it despite my nervous laugh and hands over his cell.

“Sure” I key in Wanda's number from memory, hoping that I'm not disturbing anything.

“... Hello?”

“Hey, Wanda, it's me… Y/N. Are you busy?”

“No, what's up?”

“I… need a place to crash. It's a long story and I'll tell you all of it. Please.”

“Of course! Do you need picking up from somewhere?”

“My place.”

“I'm on my way.”

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep9 “The Trial of Jim Gordon” Personal Review

“Well, I did not see that coming”    Warning NO spoilers below, why am I so late with this ..

 “Gotham has a chance to be born anew. To return to what it was before people ripped down the trees and paved over the earth. He's trying to reunify with the mainland to save all these people. A return to filth.  Pollution. He's fighting for death, while I promise life in its purest form.” “The plants will adapt; they always do.” So IVY PEPPER is the big bad in this episode she wants to get rid of Gotham people and one of the first steps is getting rid of Jim Gordon. But in the end she´s gone and forgotten about, you´d think there would at least be some tiny reference.   Honestly I think I could really dig misanthropic Ivy (is there some plant based black metal .. hmmm ) but I don´t think they built this up well enough, that they just give her these ridiculous powers and send her out to try to kill a lot of people and now all people, and then just have that fade into nothing basically doesn´t help the case. Ugh. Also Ivy leaves Selina with that gang guy she already fought against and they repeatedly mention their history despite the guy being also under the influence of Ivy. Which is odd because .. first of all, if the history with Selina is important he should be there without being drugged. Also if his history with Selina is not important she could have just picked anyone else and probably would have had a better chance because as we all know SELINA KYLE already had a field trip with him. So why would he be a threat now? (I mean unless you count some the presence of my dame made me win the jousting effect, which is a thing but not in gotham)  Well the whole plot is Ivy gets Jim shot by Zsasz. Okay so this is stressing me out, I thought I came here for a crazy dream trip but Lee´s voice is haunting me. Can just everyone be alive n happy, pls.  Hm I don´t quite know what to make of this trial, probably because there really isn´t anything about it .. and I think most meta in this fandom did a better job plenty times already.  Nevertheless, he´s his own prosecution and nice, also is this his theatre stage voice? Before Ivy´s interruption the whole think started with JIM GORDON lamenting how the gangs get more aggressive and that they need at least a temporary CEASE FIRE to get their reunification and save lives. Oswald Cobblepot provided the venue for this and Barbara was present as well. But that does not matter too much.  Big theme this week: RESPONSIBILITY And for fucks sake, the JIM GORDON trial just beats the same crap again that I´ve been annoyed with for forever. “I did my best. Your best never seems good enough.”   “Therefore we pose one simple question: Are the people in Jim Gordon's life better off with him alive or dead?”  I mean Jim did Lee dirty that’s a valid point but she´s not the only one and most of the trial bulk is about Jim just not being able to save people. People being mad they trusted him looking for safety. And I´m gonna try to just sum up the whole rant in short: If some pyromaniac sets a fire and the firefighters can´t extinguish it quickly enough it´s still not the firefighters to blame I´m so tired of this nonsense. Also we have a hint of the same nonsense with BRUCE WAYNE: He´s thinking that he is responsible for Ra´s and Galavan but again, see above. Or in other words: What Selina Kyle said. She hit the nail on the head with: “Jeremiah blew up your house”.  There really isn´t anything to add.  “And I know that a lot of people lost a lot more, but part of me wonders if it wasn't fate.” “It wasn't. It was Jeremiah blowing up your house.” Maybe it's time to move on. (…) And how many terrible things have happened to it because of me? Galavan.  Ra's al Ghul. If this city really is my home, then maybe the best thing I can do for it is leave.”  VICTOR ZSASZ oh Victor ..  Victor in love is a delight, Victor in anything is a delight  * So first of all he gets rough with ALFRED again, okay the other way round but, idc, it was too short * Also they just like repeating things .. I´m here for Gordon only Gordon we´ve had this but tbh I´ll take it again and again.  “Okey-dokey.  Time to boogie. Hey! I'm only here for Gordon. So all of you stay down. 'Cause I see anyone and, you know bang.” “Oi, oi! Now, I heard you were looking for Jim Gordon.” “Uh-huh.”  * So technically, with Bruce doing “IvyLingo” the William Shakespeare Romeo and Juliet quote could have been just Ivy´s influence but Zsasz reading Shakespeare is just right as roses as well, //gotham language//  “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. You know, I'm really taking the time to stop and smell the roses these days.” * More is this IvyInfluence of is this something coming out of the drugged person. The name thing was such a childish take on being in love and I feel like there´s meta in this about IVY PEPPER and her age ups, or maybe not fully age ups (but I´d still like to believe it wasn´t just body age ups but brain chemistry n stuff too but still experience is another factor) but, buut instead of thinking about any implications of that I´m just gonna find Zsasz adorable  “Uh, I'm technically not allowed to say it. Her name.  Which is such a bummer, because it's the most beautiful name in the world.” “You watch him.” I could say it all day.  Hey, I will say it all day. Ivy. Ivy Pepper. Mrs. Ivy Pepper Zsasz. Oh, that sounds good.”  * “Don't worry, though. I'm just a distraction so she can finish off Jim once and for all. You know, that's how great couples work. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that. Oh, well.” Okay so Zsasz ~is~ a damn chatterbox and can´t keep his mouth shut. // On a side note. I think I went into this a bit in a fanfic and this is imho such unused potential even with Ivy 2.0. Zsasz conditioned Butch to follow orders, Ivy just does it with a little whiff of a scent. I believe Zsasz would be SO intrigued by this, like not only for doing good work professional reasons but how fascinating would this be, he´d sure want know its limits, he´d certainly would want to know how far this perfume actually could push a person, skin themselves alive? //  // On another side note: Zsasz was so close to spilling the name and he sure spilled the distraction plan which is so totally unbelievable dumb, which is why I´m wondering if 1.) Ivy would have needed to give better instructions 2.) Zsasz got some slight resistance gene to the perfume or 2.) if InLoveZsasz is just such a tremendous idiot .. //  * “Alvarez makes a hell of a Mai Thai. I can barely feel my face.” Oh I want one of those, wait no make that two. Also someone make two or more fics involving Zsasz, Alvarez and cocktails. Please.  * “I can tell you one thing. I am sick and tired of getting shot at in my own precinct.” It was about time someone said it, thanks Harvey Bullock. * “I'm sorry. Did you just say "People. Ugh"? “Lucius, what if I were to tell you I have in my possession the most intoxicating perfume you'll ever smell?” “I would tell you that's an abrupt change of topic. Can we go back to the part where you said "People. Ugh"? “ Okay that´s the only sensible and appropriate reaction anyone in this city ever had. LUCIUS FOX is the real freak on this show, cause he got his shit together. And his Ivy love grin is adorable.    * “We're perfectly bonded, like carbon and oxygen or hydrogen and oxygen “ “We do not have time for this.”  Lucius Fox and Selina Kyle being awesome. * SELINA KYLE and BRUCE WAYN being on the same “maybe” page was sweet. Also her being mindful of her claws and not touching his cheek during the kiss. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say this was a date.” “Maybe it is.” “That okay with you?” “Maybe.”  * Another repeat thing and another piece on the BARBARA KEAN turning into OSWALD COBBLEPOT list is her poisoning the gang leaders with alcohol. Oswald did it with Cannoli and well he killed them for good but it counts.  *  Also if the show had just put them side to side earlier, it could have been so good, soo good. * Also HA! I knew it. I mean my first impulse was to be like, wtf, why is everyone and their aunt trying to get on such good graces with Jim suddenly, why is Jim Gordon the key to survival now? Oswald and Barbara sure both did their fare share of courting Jim. And I did use this word on purpose because as Oswald later calls it, Barbara´s motive was not just strategical and political it was also motivated by her love for Jim Gordon.  Which clearly and totally also means: Gobblepot.  It´s just a logical extension if you follow the parallels. Oswald´s actions too were about liking Jim. And if that doesn´t convince you enough he has had that quip about Barbara knowing all about keeping Gordon happy. He sure would do the same, if Jim let him. That was all jealousy talking.  * “If we're really going to leave Gotham, we need to keep Gordon happy. You know all about that, don't you?” *  “What exactly are you doing? I'm trying to keep this city from ripping itself apart.” “So this has nothing to do with your feelings for Jim?” “What if Ed fails, and we are stuck here? This will put us in Gordon's good graces. Consider it a backup plan.” * “Controlling the gangs was not a backup plan. You saw a chance to convince James Gordon that you had changed. But he will never see you as anything but a dangerous woman keeping his child from him.”  * “Ms. Kean, this may come as a surprise, but building a submarine from scratch by yourself takes time.” Didn´t I say so .. this still stresses me out though, building a whole submarine from scratch, how even  * “I don't know what's going on inside that man's head sometimes.” “I think you'll find that he needs you a lot more than he's letting on.” Well, I need to hear it from him.”   Well and there she goes, hearing it right after Jim woke up. LESLIE THOMKINS  stays at home while Jim goes out and hunts. She´s not happy at first but then comes to terms with it I guess, Jim has this line about what else should he do not being him anymore. Well idk. Leslie doesn´t seem to be quite herself either. She went out as well, ran a fight club n stuff ..  * “I never thought that this was how my life was going to be. I have no interest in being a father myself. I always presumed that I was unfit to be one.”  Well, honestly I don´t think ALFRES PENNYWORTH can be considered fit to raise a child. What was nice this week was that he talked to Lee and offered his own insight about parenting without being a blood relative. That was a kind and considerate touch.  * I have to look up which episode it was where Jim Gordon woke up to Edward Nymga and Oswald Cobblepot singing because wow that must have left a lasting impression if this visual turns up again  * Edit: I didn’t really notice until I made gifs but Barbara´s “See, those drinks I just gave you they're poisoned. And you had two shots before everyone got here. So that should be taking effect around PAUSE now the rest of you have 48 hours before you'll need the antidote”  line was so well structured. Like the now doubles as a 1) you´ll die like now and as a 2) so ~now~ that we got that out of the way let´s get to the real business .. and I love it //Gotham language //

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 13 – Everything’s awful but lesbians are in fact REAL

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

Turns out a preserved corpse of a Soulless person that the Kingair pack stole from Egypt is causing the humanization problem.  However somebody is after that coprse, and knocked LeFoux and Lord Maccon unconscious.  Alexia gonna have to fix everything herself HURMPH!

Chapter 13 – Everything’s awful but lesbians are in fact REAL

Wowzers! Here’s the climax chapter.  It won’t be the height of tension, but it will be the height of my irritated confusion.  My apologies for length, it was a long chapter, and full of a lot of bullshit. LET’S GO!

              We get a rare good moment where Alexia looks at the passed out Maccon and worries about him.  She makes a cute note about how his eyelashes are super long and once when she commented that she was jealous of his long eyelashes he tickled her neck with them.  This will be the last genuinely good thing in this chapter.

Alexia goes to a recently woken up LeFoux.  LeFoux is all distraught, and there’s a bullshit line about how being upset made her look slightly more feminine and Alexia, “Didn’t know if she liked that.”

              CAUSE SADNESS IS A WOMAN DISEASE AND ALEXIA ONLY CARES WHAT LEVEL OF CURRENT FUCKIBLITY YOU ARE! THE LEVEL OF EGOMANIA ON THIS BITCH!

              LeFoux is like, “Hey don’t be mad at the woman who shot me and your husband. She didn’t ~mean~ it.”

YES TURNS OUT THE BIG BAD OF THIS BOOK SERIES I FUCKING CALLED BACK IN CHAPTER 4 OF THE LAST BOOK!  It was Angelique! GOSH WHAT A FUCKING TWIST! YOU KNOW THE CHARACTER WHO, AT THE END OF THE LAST BOOK WAS DESCRIBED IN TEXT AS A BLATANT SPY! Yet the entirety of this book Alexia thinks its LeFoux and goes so far as to think she’s faking being shot? She turns out of the room and all the werewolves are sleeping and instead of…I DON’T KNOW letting them know she’s identified the attacker?  She just huffs that she must do everything herself.

GOD STUPIDITY AND A POINTLESS MARTYR COMPLEX IS REALLY FUCKING HOT! ALSO I’M GLAD THAT EVERY SINGLE WEREWOLF FELT COMFORTABLE FALLING ASLEEP WITH AN ACTIVE SHOOTER IN THEIR CASTLE THAT WAS EVEN ABLE TO PUT DOWN THEIR FORMER ALPHA!

So Alexia goes to the room where the mummy is, but Angelique is not there. So instead of disposing of the body that Angelique is clearly after, she’s runs up to the Aethongrapher room. Angelique is there and shoves her aside to escape the room. So they go back to the mummy room, and Angelique is trying to drag the body out of there.  Alexia goes to shoot some of her sleepy darts at Angelique but just as she’s about to Ivy shows up to stand in front of Alexia and whine that Alexia is being callous to her.  But as I have described before, this is not Ivy’s fault. Ivy’s kink is inconvenient timing. Blithering obtusely in front of a weapon while the bad guy gets away makes her CUM.  The TV hasn’t been invented yet so she can’t stand in front of it during a crucial part of a show/game.  SHE HAS TO FIND SOME WAY TO GET OFF!

DO YOU WANT THIS WOMAN TO NEVER ORGASM!?

Despite that Alexia is able to catch up to Angelique and knocks her unconscious with a hefty umbrella swing.  She takes the mummy outside, and dissolves it using the acid function on her umbrella.  I mean, I was hoping she’d go whole hog and it would come to life and fight them but WELP guess that would be stupid fun and we’re only allowed one of those things in this book and it ain’t fun.  When the corpse is just about pudding, Alexia goes back in and hears Ivy scream.

OH NO!

We take a break from this regularly scheduled programming to swap over to Biffy, Channing, and Lyall at the Westminster Hive.  Biffy apparently snuck in and broke their Aethonographer.  This is just to let us all know that the message Angelique tried to send before didn’t get through.  I mean targeting the Aethongrapher only, doesn’t make any sense AT ALL from their perspective and honestly you could have written the entire thing out to tighten up the story.  But like I guess it was real important to have that bit where Alexia has to try 2 rooms to find Angelique.

FUCK ME RUNNING!

So Ivy screamed because a woken up Angelique puts a knife to Ivy’s throat and is leading her up the stairs.  All the werewolves are there as well as Tunstell.  Tunstell gets out the magic gun, which by the way they start calling the ‘tun tun’ which makes a lot of sense and is totes keeping it tense. Shouldn’t it be the tun gun? WHATEVER!

They go up to a room and Angelique makes Ivy open a window.  Meanwhile Tunstell tries to sneak around the side while Alexia tries to distract her.  By the way this is the first time we hear that Tunstell is apparently a big dude. I had totally assumed that since he was described as a meek servant/actor coated in freckles that he was a 5’5” adorable waif boy who weighs 110 lbs on a good day.  I’m glad you waited till now to tell us that. After a bit of a scuffle Tunstell wrestles the knife away, saves Ivy, and Angelique tumbles to her death out the window.  The gun is never shot and Chekov leaps out to die on the cold hard Scottish earth like Angelique.

Apparently there was a rope ladder leading down that window that Angelique was really hoping she’d be able to escape down, with the knife to the throat of a hostage? OKAY THEN!  When Angelique woke up, why didn’t she just try to make a break for it, to avoid being persecuted by the supernatural police?  What was the point of the hostage thing? Why did she have this rope ladder prepared?

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BOOK! IT’S NOT GOOD ACTION IF THE ENTIRETY OF IT FALLS APART LIKE A BISCUIT IN TEA WHEN YOU ASK LITERALLY ANY QUESTION REGARDING IT!

You know what would have been a thousand times better?  If Alexia goes to question a recently recovered Angelique, and Angelique in a panic puts a knife to a dipshit Ivy’s throat by a window. Angelique demands to be given the body. Alexia explains that she destroyed it.  Angelique at first doesn’t want to believe it but eventually concedes. Saying something along the lines of, “…If I can’t deliver the body…then…then they’ll kill me…”  The people there try to reassure her that they can protect her.  However in Angelique’s stunned grief she slips from the window, Tunstell is able to grab Ivy but not Angelique.  Was it an accident?  Did she want to die on her own terms?  WE’LL NEVER KNOW?  The chapter ends where the crowd goes to check on her and Angelique is FOR SURE dead. LeFoux seeing the shattered body of her former lover, clutches Alexia and wails.

BUT NOPE IN FACT THIS HAPPENS NEXT!

So Alexia is the only one to go check the body.  Angelique is in fact dead, but turns into a ghost. Angelique tells Alexia to perform the exorcism, which means kill her for real real. Alexia wants questions answered first. Angelique says she’ll answer 10, Alexia agrees to this.  

So like…why are you going to respect her wishes now? Doesn’t she need to be persecuted under the law, or have proof of the Hive’s wrongdoing?  You maybe want to give LeFoux a chance to talk to her, since she was obviously really upset and protective of her before? GUESS NOT!

Angelique, before the questioning is revealed to have done this whole task for the immortality, since she previously and is still working with the Westminster hive. She is GIVEN immortality in the form of being a ghost and is immediately like NOPE I’D RATHER DIE. HUHHHH? MAYBE IT’S NOT IDEAL VAMPIRE THING BUT REALLY?

GOD WHATEVER IT JUST GETS WORSE ANYWAY!

Angelique says that it wasn’t her who tried to break into her bag or poison her. Alexia asks if LeFoux is trying to kill her, Angelique says probably not cause you’d already be dead.  AND LIKE WE ESTABLISHED THIS EXACT ANSWER TO THIS SAME QUESTION BEFORE. WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR QUESTIONS YOU COMPLETE IMBECILE!

It’s revealed that Quensel, the kid LeFoux was taking poor care of before, is Angelique’s son.  Angelique was trying to hide the fact she had a son from the vampires cause the vampires won’t turn her if she has any family. Apparently LeFoux, was trying to get Angelique to take care of her son and to stop the vampire biz by threatening to tell the Vampires about her son.  That didn’t work apparently.  We also confirm that yes, SHOCK OF SHOCK, Angelique and LeFoux used to be an item for many years.  So we have this OH SO DELIGHTFUL paragraph:

“Alexia had seen something of the kind in her father’s collection, but she had never imagined it might be based on anything more than masculine wistfulness or performances put on to titillate a John’s palate.  That two women might do such things voluntarily with one another and do so with some degree of romantic love. Was that possible?”

(Irritated Stare with the phrase [stares in gay judgement])

You’re 26 years fucking old, you’re well aware that gay men exist, LeFoux has been hitting on her blatantly this entire book and has been pretty much screaming how much of a lesbian she is.  Like you can have Alexia in bi-denial, sure, but for her not to even realize two girls can have sex and romance at one another outside of men JACKING IT!? FUCKING WOW!   I want to be clear and say that there is a myth that Queen Victoria didn’t think lesbians were real when she was enforcing the no homosexuality laws. TO BE CLEAR THAT IS A MYTH! PEOPLE IN VICTORIAN TIMES KNEW LESBIANS WEREN’T JUST A MALE CREATED HORNY MYTH LIKE HOW WOMEN LOVE THE TASTE OF JIZZ, YOU THICK-HEADED TWIT!

The last questions that Alexia asks basically are, “Is it possible for women to love each other?” and “You’re a cold bitch aren’t you?”  QUEEN PICKED TOP INVESTIGATOR HERE!  She then FOR REAL kills Angelique.  Also I’m glad she didn’t ask Angelique what they were planning on doing with the humanization corpse, because that mystery is probably what the entirety of the 3rd book is about.

So we head back in the castle to try to wrap this all up, and boy is it pointlessly messy.  I’m going to recount the items in order, so you TOO can realize what a clusterfuck this is.

Alexia tells LeFoux that Angelique is dead which makes LeFoux cry.  Alexia has a normal human response to seeing a woman she likes grieving.

“Lady Maccon envied her skill of crying with aplomb.  She herself went all over splotchy, but Madame Lefoux seemed to be able to execute the emotional state with minimal fuss.”

By performing some pretty sweet mental gymnastics to make it about herself. CONGRATULATIONS!  She does later say that the scene was painfully sad…but…your first thought, and the one you dedicate more than a sentence to is… “I wish I could cry as hot as she could?” MOTHER OF FUCK LADY!

Maccon takes Alexia aside and explains that LeFoux and he are besties despite not interacting with her at all this entire book.  He told his BFF4EVAH to keep an eye on Alexia.  Don’t know why he would have lied about this?  Maybe Alexia would have felt patronized? Alexia was attacked 5 times last book and needed to be saved 3 of those times.  There’s nothing wrong with that ratio, but there’s also nothing wrong with wanting to have back up if you’re in a dangerous profession. Besides that the two both love science and gadgets, and if he couldn’t predict that LeFoux would awaken his wife’s bisexuality too, it seems silly to lie to her about it.  

But my pity for Alexia runs dry again when, upon hearing Maccon and LeFoux are buds…she accuses Maccon of sleeping with LeFoux. And it’s like…

(Honestly, you people, and by that I mean straight people…are ridiculous.)

If Alexia is bi, it don’t matter she’s still in denial and acting like a straight up straighty.

You just found out that lesbians are real and that LeFoux is one of them, and YOU were the one to almost cheat on him with her, and you ACCUSE HIM? Are you FOR REAL!?  I mean this is just a set up for Alexia to realize SOME MORE that lesbians are real. I’m glad I’m reading one of those books where everything needs to be explained 5 times.

Alexia brings up the fact that Angelique turned into a ghost but exorcised her right away without considering if literally anybody else wanted to talk to her INCLUDING THE LONG-TERM –EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS RAISING HER KID.  LeFoux is rightly upset at this and Alexia retorts with

“There’s no need to wallow.”

Now even Lord Maccon steps in like, “THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHE’S RIGHTLY UPSET!”  To which Aleixa points out OH SO RIGHTLY that LeFoux didn’t want to be girlfriends with Angelique again, so like…it makes no sense why she’d want to have some parting words or care about her living or dying.

THEN THIS TRANSITION SHEESH VERBATIM:

Lord Maccon looked at his wife appreciatively. “Good Lord, woman, how could you have possibly known that?”

“Well” – Lady Maccon grinned – “Madame Lefoux here did play a bit of the coquette with me while we were traveling. I do not think she was entirely shamming.”

I’m sorry what?  We already established that LeFoux is a vagatrian and had a relationship with Angelique.  Is she saying the fact she was flirted with PROOF that LeFoux is not in a relationship? Alexia, you were flirting back and you’re married. This is not a brilliant deduction.  We only have this transition so that Alexia can brag about almost BUT NOT ACTUALLY cheating on her husband.  And like…it’s one thing to take the piss out of him because he’s irrationally jealous.  However Alexia herself was like REALLY, REALLY irrationally jealous a second ago and it’s not really irrational since Alexia might have had sex with her if she came to the conclusion earlier that girls can like other girls.  SoOOoOOoOOoo great!

We continue to have pissing contests.  Maccon is mad that Alexia never told him she was almost poisoned, even though you’d THINK Tunstell would have brought that up to him since he’s his servant and he was the one actually poisoned.  LeFoux admits she was looking around for Alexia’s bag and that she wanted the humanization weapon too.  However she wants it NOT because she’s in the Hypocras club, but in the Organization of the Brass Octopus (OBO.)  The Organization of the Brass Octopus is a secret group of Scientists that is working to curb the power of Supernaturals and that the Hypocras Club was a ~militant branch~ of the OBO.  Alexia is bothered that Maccon didn’t tell her about OBO, since YANNO Alexia spent half the book thinking that her crush LeFoux wanted to genocide people like her husband.  Which yanno REALLY STOPPED HER FROM A LOT THERE!  Alexia tries to ask more questions about OBO and Maccon just answers them all with, “But it’s a secret!”

Really love that Maccon gets super mad when Alexia doesn’t talk to him, but when she asks questions he huffs and won’t tell her.  You could maybe argue that since it’s a secret society thing that Maccon shouldn’t tell her. He was sworn to secrecy or some shit.  But like also…a branch of this club nearly killed them both… and she’s in charge of the entire English government’s Supernatural balance system….Maybe it’s okay for her to know a little about a powerful organization in that country that’s supposed to do the same thing?

WHATEVER!

We end with LeFoux admitting she was LOOKING FOR Alexia’s bag but never went through it or messed up her room to find it.  Alexia for once has a normal reaction which boils down to, “FUCK THIS SHIT!” and storms out.  CAUSE WHY BRING UP SHE WAS LOOKING FOR IT AT ALL? That is pointlessly confusing.

So below I made a little chart with how easily it could have been to make this conversation flow better. Even if you want to keep in jealousy pissing contest which is also an EVEN WOMEN WOULD SEX ME STUPID HUSBAND!

I’ll admit I don’t know a lot about editing books…but I feel as if either the editors gave this a soft touch.  It seems like a simple fix that could have tightened it up and made it an easier read.

Say something nice Faps:

It was technically a climax

They technically tried to wrap things up

It has been acknowledged that yes LESBIANS ARE REAL

I did genuinely like Alexia having a vulnerable moment looking upon her knocked out husband and feeling protective of him.

[krysalla-archive]

A and B are best friends. A is applying a new flavor of chapstick.“Can I try it? I wanna have a taste,” B asks curiously.“Sure, it’s coconut cream-” A starts to reply, but before they can finish, B kisses A on the lips. and dick please??

@thorganism @pyppenia @girlygirlbishop

It’s a quiet day in Gotham. The breeze is fresh- well, as fresh as it can be in this city, and there’s an absence of mayhem, of laser guns and yelling. People aren’t in as much of a hurry, enjoying one of the few days out of the year where shit doesn’t hit the fan. It’s nice. You don’t remember the last time you’d walked around this city without worrying about walking right into a gun fight.

It’s nice enough that you decide to sit outside of the little cafe Dick is supposed to met you at. You’re always the first one to the arranged hangout. After very careful and meticulous planning on your part, you like to leave your apartment a little earlier than you need to in case of a blocked off road where Poison Ivy is going at it with the police or some greedy corporation. Aren’t they just one in the same?

But you’re early this time.

You already ordered your drinks. He can just pay you back with actually showing up on time and save you the anxiety and the click of the button on your phone, checking the time every couple of seconds, staring at the screen diligently for him to text you that he’s running late or needs to take a rain check. He’s rarely ever told you that he would have to reschedule, but it happens, and you hate that. Your schedules barely line up as it is.

The stars seem to be in your favor, because just as you check your phone, Dick shows up with a big smile and sunglasses being pushed to the top of his head. He’s finally on time.

“Well, it’s about time!”

He clicks his tongue and smiles at you, pulling out the seat at the table. Dick sighs as he settles into the shade, “I’m only a few seconds past one-thirty.”

“And that is still late. Didn’t Bruce ever teach you that if you’re not fifteen minutes early, then you’re late?”  

He reaches across the table, grabbing his drink and his lips are pulled into a tight line. Oh, you forgot. Bruce is a bit of a touchy subject as of late. Dick never told you exactly what had happened between them, what kind of fight they’d had, but you know that it was bad enough for him to come to your apartment in the middle of the night and pass out on your bed after three shots of shitty tequila and long stretches of silence. You’d tried to fill in the gaps with your dumb jokes, just to get him to smile, to laugh. 

Dick had grown frustrated with it and snapped at you. You’re no stranger to his temper, having witnessed it first had on many occasions, but his anger and frustration had never been directed towards you.

“Do you, oh I don’t know,” he grabs the straw, swirling the iced coffee, “ever relax?”

“How can I relax when you always worry me?”

“Jokes on you, I hardly ever worry about you.” 

You blink, and what he says stings, makes the muscles in your chest seize up. You don’t know if he’s joking or not, if he’s just trying to get a rise out of you. You start slowly, unsure of your words, “You know, I think that’s a lie. You texted me nonstop when you picked me up from work last month.”

“Well,” he takes a sip of the cold drink, “it was dark out and you do work in a bad part of town.” The playfulness in his voice is back.

“This entire city is the bad part of town.”

He laughs at that. It makes your knees shake and your heart speed up. It’s sad, pathetic maybe, but you like making him happy like that. Dick hasn’t had an easy couple of months. Anything that gets him to laugh is worthwhile, even something so stupid as your own comments. He’s like the damn sun and there is nothing you can do about it. He practically radiates warmth. The skin around his eyes wrinkles as he squints at you.

“You know, you have a very bad sense of self-preservation.”

“That’s funny coming from the vigilante.”

He rolls his eyes, the corner of his lips quirked up. Dick is trying so hard to suppress the smile, but you can see right through him.

“Just admit that you love me,” you rummage through your pockets, looking for your new tube of chapstick. You’d started noticing your lips were starting to get dry on the way here, and seeing as how you didn’t have one on you and you highly doubted you would find the one you already own at home, you spent money on some fancy and very expensive thing of chapstick.

“Can I try it?” Dick watches intently as you swipe it over your lips.

“I… yeah, I guess you can try it.” you say, eyebrows knitted together and squinting at him suspiciously. If you give him your chapstick you probably won’t ever get it back. You hold it out to him over the table, “It’s coconut cream…” 

You watch, falling into more confusion as he stands up, rather than taking the tube from your outstretched hand. His movement is calculated and slow. Dick bends down, placing his fingers beneath your chin to tilt your head up. Your heart picks up, racing in your chest you swear it might burst. You’re not used to this kind of closeness, especially where your mind leaps to. All your little fantasies coming to life right in front of you. 

His lips brush against your gently, for the barest moment before he pulls back slightly, looking at you with wide eyes, like he can’t believe what he’s doing himself. But then something changes, and you see it flicker in his eyes, the way they always do when he sets his mind on something. 

Dick kisses you, actually kisses you, and you feel yourself shocked to the core at the pressure on your lips and the way his hands move to cup your face and the back of your neck. It’s an otherworldly experience to be kissed by Dick Grayson.

“What was that for?” you gasp out when he pulls away, a hazy smile on his face and a dopey look in his eyes like he had been waiting to do that forever.

“Because I wanted to,” his fingers trace down your cheek and over your jaw before he pulls away, sitting back in his spot, “Are you free for dinner tonight?”