#dulcinea is kanaya??? i think or nepeta with her cavalier being equius

[thecaduceusclay]

Reading Gideon the ninth when you have a PhD in homestuck is an indescribable feeling

[thewertsearch]

@manorinthewoods submitted: ~LOSS (8/11/23) So, long scenario inbound. What if you tossed all the Sburb players we've seen so far (with their powers, but somehow reworked to fit with the Locked Tomb's necromancy stuff) into Canaan House? (My pairings for this would be, in the form of necromancer"mage"/cavalier, Aradia and Sollux, Karkat and Terezi, Rose and Kanaya, John and Dave, Vriska and Tavros, Feferi and Eridan, Equius and Nepeta, and by elimination Jade and Gamzee. Make your own if you want, or throw out the whole system.) What would happen? Who would die? Would anybody achieve Lyctordom?

Oh, I like this one.

[Locked Tomb spoilers abound below. You have been warned.]

I’m mostly keeping your pairings, because I like them. A lot of Homestuck’s powers would break the setting of The Locked Tomb, so let’s just assume the necromancers have the typical abilities of their House, and that the cavaliers don’t have powers. Let’s also assume that the Seventh House is still being impersonated by a Lyctor.

Second House: Captain Karkat Vantas & Lieutenant Terezi Pyrope

A very well-balanced duo. I suspect Karkat would be a half-decent necromancer if if wasn’t for his self-doubt, and Cohort training would replace doubt with cold duty. His magic is particularly destructive, and causes enormous collateral. Bucking tradition, his cav is effectively the leader, as she’s the superior strategist by far.

Endgame: They get pretty far – but when push comes to shove, Karkat would rather die than kill his closest friend, even though she thinks it would be funny. They refuse Lyctorhood, and are murdered by the Seventh.

Third House: Crown Princess Vriska Serket & Prince Tavros Nitram

Vriska embodies the best and worst of both Tridentarii. She’s ruthless, she’s quick-witted, she demands your attention, and she’s not above taking shortcuts. Her cavalier is a lot nicer than the canon one, but just as unlucky.

Endgame: You already know Tavros is ending this story the same way Naberius did. Full Lyctorhood, and the birth of the most dangerous necrosaint the Houses have ever seen.

Fourth House: Baron John Egbert & Sir Dave Strider

These goobers are too nice for the story they’re in. John is enthusiastic, and Dave is dutiful, but they lack the aptitudes required to obtain any keys. If it came to it, Dave is probably the most likely cavalier to pull a Gideon, especially given the Fourth’s tradition of self-sacrifice. John doesn’t have Harrow’s resourcefulness, though, and wouldn’t be able to preserve Dave’s soul.

Endgame: Murdered by the Seventh.

Fifth House: Lady Aradia Megido & Sir Sollux Captor

They’d honestly crush it. Aradia is a born Fifth House spirit talker, and the only Homestuck character to actually be a necromancer. Sollux isn’t a physical fighter, but he declares a laser pistol as his offhand, and no one wants to argue with the creepy scion of the Fifth, so a laser pistol it stays. Since Aradia isn’t a historian, they’re not targeted by the Seventh House Lyctor, and manage to complete most of the theorem rooms before shit hits the fan.

Endgame: Partial Lyctorhood. Aradia eats half of Sollux’s soul, he keeps the other half.

Sixth House: Master Warden Rose Lalonde & Kanaya Maryam

Now we’re talking! A Rose trained on the Sixth would give Palamedes a run for his money, and her partnership with Kanaya would be second to none. Let’s say she still has a romantic history with the Seventh House scion (Feferi, in this case) but is no longer in love with her, having got over her when she and Kanaya became a couple. Palamedes delayed his confrontation with ‘Dulcinea’ due to his feelings, and Rose would confront Feferi much earlier.

Endgame: Can a learned witch of the Sixth defeat an ancient saint of the Seventh? Maybe, if she plays it smart, and makes the right alliances. Write it yourself – I’ve got a liveblog to finish!

Seventh House: Duchess Feferi Pexies & Eridan Ampora

D------EAD before the trials began, Feferi is being impersonated by a sea-dweller Lyctor whose motivations I can’t dig into too much, or I’ll actually start to write this fanfic. Let’s just say she has similar goals to Cytherea, and leave it at that.

Eighth House: Master Templar Equius Zahhak and Nepeta Lejion

Come on, Equius, Your god commands you. Commit the cardinal sin. Become a saint. You’re not going to disobey the emperor, are you?

Endgame: I have just enough respect for Equius that I don’t think he’d kill Nepeta, even if ordered to. They probably go out fighting, before the final confrontation.

Ninth House: Reverend Daughter Jade Harley & Gamzee Makara

Gamzee’s useless, but at least he pulls off the facepaint. Jade’s not going to get much use out of him, unless she’s willing to siphon – as a highblood, he’s probably got a pretty strong constitution. Anyway, Jade’s wolf skeleton constructs are impressive, but she’ll be more or less attempting the trials alone, and that’s a tall order.

Endgame: Not nearly as important as in canon, the Ninth House might survive for a while by not really being a threat to anyone. Jade’s likely to befriend the Second and the Fourth, and go out in a blaze of glory avenging their deaths.