#dude its flu like symptoms

[killerfangirl3]

Pretty sure i gave myself zinc poisoning...

[samarecharm]

TW for talk of drugs, alcohol, and general phobias and ptsd (HCs about Akira and the effects of the interrogation scene)

Thinkin about Akira having ptsd about the interrogation manifesting as something fairly Mundane, as in, something that doesnt come across as a ‘traditional’ symptom that strangers can clock. Takemi assumes hed be averse to needles or doctors, or perhaps hed become claustrophobic or uneasy in specific areas like courthouses or police departments; shes not a psychiatrist but she IS a confidant, and shed like to believe she knows him Enough to try and be of some help wrt Akira and his mental health (along w his physical health).

I think hed just have an issue w anything that impairs his cognitive function in ANY way. This includes alcohol, recreational drugs (weed), medications that induce drowsiness (allergy meds and pain meds), flu or fever induced hallucinations, and general anesthesia. Lack of awareness of his surroundings, and an inability to recall even basic short term memories will send him into a slight spiral that he tries his best to avoid by any means.

He comes off as just some dude whos just abstinent about alcohol and drugs, and generally people are super chill about it. He goes out to parties and mingles with everyone, he makes sure his friends get home safe, and hes chill about them doing whatever around him as long as they dont hurt themselves. But its absolutely hell for him and others when hes horribly sick. He WONT go to anyone but Takemi, no matter how much she insists shes just a general pcp. He shies away when its suggested he goes to emergency rooms, and he fights when they try to make him go by force. Hes bearable when hes got a minor cold or virus, but he panics when he gets sick enough to forget where he is. It gets better with age, but whoever hes with has to deal w his meltdowns for a very very Very long time.

One of his biggest fears is falling unconscious, and waking up with a gap in his memory so wide, he forgets who his friends and family are Again. The hands on his person and needles sticking him this way and that are nothing to him when he thinks of the extreme physical duress the metaverse put on him and his team. But it didnt take his memories away, the one thing that made his year in Tokyo worth it, and the threat of having it taken Again always overrides the logical part of his brain that tells him that the circumstances that led to it happening in the first place will never happen again.

[foster-the-world]

Ready

Ready for the weekend. I put in some overtime this week so I already felt like yesterday was Friday. Working hard to accumulate 40 hours so I can take the girls on a fun vacation next summer.

Wishing we had off work so we could be at home enjoying our children instead of paying a lot of money for a sitter. He's going to take them to see Wild Robot today. I wanted to see it but we can go again if they like it. All day alone with all three is tough so I'm glad they have something to do. We also left out the girls bike/baby boys scooter.

I'm getting my hair done tmrw. Alone time = wonderful. Sunday the girls and my husband are going to a cool museum. His cousin got them tickets for Bee's bday. I'm thinking I'll take baby boy somewhere fun outside. We are both scheduled to get the Covid/Flu shot on Sunday night. Bee has an annual physical on Tuesday. We called to see if she could get the Covid shot. They said they won't know until the day off. =Annoying.

We are checking in with the doctor about Bee still wearing a diaper at night. The internet and past visits tell me no one worries until 12yos. She just turned 8. We assumed eventually the problem would disappear but it has not. She has had constipation issues in the past. We have recently started having her stop drinking an hour before bedtime, go to the bathroom right before and then my husband has her go again around 11pm. Her diapers are still full. She doesn't seem bothered. I'd totally leave it alone if it wasn't for sleepaway camp. I didn't even think about it when we signed up. We may try the drug to see if it works. I think we would only do it for camp and a test run beforehand. The internet tells me some kids are able to put a diaper on right before bed without anyone noticing. Not sure we want her to do have to feel like she has to hide. But also don't want kids making fun of her. Let's see what the doctor says.

I've been listening to the ADHD Dude podcast. Personally, I think I am more into their philosophy then the idea of "kids do well when they can, don't force kids, plan C everything for as long as needed" philosophies. The two can come off as obnoxious know it all's but when I get past that I think their authoritative/loving parenting style fits more with my personal ideas. Maybe its a Midwestern thing - my parents were def a little tough but extremely loving with us. I believe it has served me well. I def find the balance really difficult - especially with baby boy who has some very real challenges. But for now I'd like to have high expectations for all three of them. They don't believe in PDA at all. They believe the social media PDA people are preying off parents who are seeking any answer. Baby boy doesn't present with those PDA symptoms so luckily I don't have to worry about it. At least not, yet. He will completely ignore our request but he's not very oppositional. They also brush off sensory processing disorder. Or rather it as a stand alone diagnosis. They say its just a part of autism or ADHD. Which I can agree with.

After a rough month with him he's now been doing really well. Although he has been fighting sleep at night. I assume getting back to the normal school schedule is good for him. We've been running the track most nights. He zooms past so many people. I started putting the cones out - so he can jump over them.

[anon383837383]

Elixir Trouble

It had been hours since Jason woke up and this feeling in his stomach just wouldn’t quit. He wasn’t sure if it was the stomach flu or food poisoning but he was overcome with nausea and had spent the better part of the morning hovering over a bucket thinking he was going to explode at any minute. It was nearly bedtime and the nausea only grew. Desperate for relief, Jason visited the elixir shop. He asked the shopkeeper for some nausea relief. The shopkeeper gave him a bottle and a sheet of paper. On the paper was a warning that read “only drink when alone. The effects may hit at any time and once they start, they can not be stopped”. Jason wearily paid the man and returned home. His stomach was spinning like a carousel and he just needed it to stop. He chugged the bottle and went to the couch. As he laid on the couch he held his stomach which was moving like it was fighting an MMA fight. He burped and groaned and prayed for some relief. He could feel a twinge in his stomach, a rise up his esophagus. Relief was near. He held his stomach and his mouth and nearly made it to the bathroom. The toilet was too far but he knelt in front of the tub and let loose an unholy torrent of vomit. He was breathing like he was in labor. He heaved and heaved and the stream could not be stopped. When the first round finished, he sat on the floor holding his stomach. This was definitely the stomach bug and he was in it for the long haul. His gut began to churn and without warning, diarrhea began to emerge. He quickly ran to the toilet and released fire from below. He could feel boiling in his stomach again as the second round of vomit made its way to his mouth. He leaned over to the tub and began erupting from both ends. When he finished, he reached for the bottle where he read a warning he wished he saw earlier “warning - will induce the stomach flu to alleviate nausea. Symptoms may include projectile vomiting and diarrhea. Symptoms may occur simultaneously”. Jesus, if I had read that earlier, I wouldn’t have - his sentence was interrupted by another dual stream. There was no stopping it now. Jason had to endure the night and there was nothing to but brace for impact.

Richard, Jason’s roomate had just gotten home. He saw a glass of something on the counter and chugged it down. “Damn, I kind of want more”. He saw the bottle of the elixir on the table and poured himself a glass without reading the bottle. He overheard Jason in the bathroom and decided it was best to leave him be. Unknown to him, Richard would soon endure the same fate. Richard went to bed while Jason spent the night recovering. Richard woke up with a twisted nauseating feeling in his stomach. “Ugh I don’t feel so good. What did I eat”. He laid there and held his stomach. It was swollen and the pressure was immense. He tried to hold back the nausea but he could hold it no longer. “I think I’m gonna be sick” Richard said as he ran to the bathroom. He gripped onto the toilet and began erupting. He coughed and coughed and burped and belched and everything he had eaten that day was returning. His stomach was screaming and it was not slowing down. Without warning, a volcanic eruption of diarrhea appeared just as another stream of vomit escaped. He was exploding from every orifice and there was no slowing it down. Jason overheard the events in the bathroom and went to check on Richard. “Dude are you okay?” Jason asked? The mere sight of Richard’s ordeal was making him nauseous. “I - I have no idea. I woke up and this all started. All I had was a drink of that juice that was on the counter. I don’t know what could have done it” Jason looked at him with such sorrow. “Richard PLEASE tell me you didn’t drink out of the purple cup”. “Yeah? Why?” said Richard. “I woke up and I was feeling sick this morning so I went to the elixir shop and bought something for the nausea. The guy sold me synthetic stomach flu. I’ve been a mess all night”. “I accidentally gave myself the stomach bug - his sentence was cut short by another tidal wave of vomit”. The sight of watching Richard’s demise was enough to send Jason over the edge. He ran to the tub and started vomiting all over again. The two men would spend the night exposing every ounce of their insides.

[felidaefatigue]

ive wanted to make a post but also havent had the mental bandwidth to articulate, fact check and source it adequately but also feel like its important so with that cAVEAT of go do the research urself before believing me cause i very much could be wrong i hAVE NOT double checked this info but.

if ur an artist consider readjusting ur covid protection practices again. ik many people have gotten more lax, me included (masks at markets make it so fkin hard to communicate no one can fkin understand me 😂), but one of the newer common strains has a unique proclivity for *eye* trauma. And obviously most of us artists rely on those. Its similar to how early covid would occasionally cause scent/taste disruptions by getting into the brain; just this one likes eye nerves. And it actually is way more chill on the flu like sympoms cause that side of it our immune systems are more familiar with vs old strains, so it goes undercover more easily. Which is sketchy. So if you start experiencing any eye reddness, itchiness, headaches, or other visual symptoms (i seen a dude develop a weird ass inner eyelid growth that im hella sus abt but it looked nasty) gET THEE ASS to a doctor and ask abt covid tests. Blindness is a rare possibility. Also it still only/primarily spreads thru the oral/nasal droplets sp typical covid precautions apply.

[prettybbychim]

trigger warning for death and specifically the death of someone i knew

there’s this family i know, they babysat me a lot when i was a kid and i honestly remember my time with them more so than with my own parents. i ended up babysitting their kids when i got older

the wife got sick, i can’t remember if it was a new development or they already knew she wasn’t feeling good for awhile. but one evening, she sat down in the living room to rest and fell asleep. husband covered her with a blanket and he didn’t realize she was already dead by then. i believe they figured it out the next morning

a lot of fucking people died. the world was shutdown. they’re still dying and now the world is continuing on like nothing happened. had a lockdown for a few weeks and then everything is fine

it’s not fine and it’s still very real and somehow people started viewing it as a bad flu (let’s not forget that people also die from the flu very fucking often)

my mom is immunocompromised. she’s had covid like 3 times mostly bc she’s an idiot who disregarded masking and isolation. literally was still going to bars and clubs near nightly, kissing on guys and shit (had a wild phase following the divorce w my dad lol) on top of doordashing which is a very high contact job. everybody is touching everything and everything is touched by so many people

she got covid before it was officially a pandemic, before it was really on anybody’s radar. and she passed it to her boyfriend at the time

second time she had it she had gotten married to another dude. they both had it. his symptoms were fairly mild in comparison to hers. i begged her to go to the hospital, i begged and i pleaded and she refused bc she “was fine” and she was not fine. she could hardly breathe, hardly move. she’d fall to the floor from weakness and lack of oxygen. ended up with covid pneumonia, which is as it sounds, pneumonia caused by covid, from what i understand. and it comes back even now, it’ll just rear its ugly head at random

and she was so pleased to rub it in our faces that our concerns were unfounded. that she was fine and that she got better.

this is not the first time she has exhibited this behavior either, not only to herself but for others in her care. me, for example, but we’d be here all evening if i talked about it all. another example, my dog

so another trigger warning for animal death and neglect bc i have to get this one off my chest now that ive been reminded of it

my sunshine baby ripley was suddenly in so much pain and constant distress. would hardly eat, couldn’t walk up the stairs that lead to the backyard. i’d have to heave her up to get her back inside and she’d cry and howl because it hurt so fucking much. so i started walking her out in the front yard to potty

she was a lovable girl but she enjoyed her space. would get so grumpy if u sat close to her. just huff and grumble and go pout somewhere else. around this time though she clung to me 24/7. had to be laying on me, had to be touching me. i was also home 24/7 with no job, no money, and no car and i begged and begged my mom to help me take her to the vet and my mom said she was playing it up for attention

dogs tend to mimic owners when they’re in pain. limping like their owner does. she was not mimicking. she had far too many symptoms to just be faking it and i fucking hate the very insinuation that she was being an attention whore bc even if she was, then still means something is wrong and needs to be addressed, even if it is just throwing a ball with her longer than normal. she would not act out for no reason. they don’t manipulate, same for young children

and she had so many fucking reasons. i have pictures and i have videos bc my mom was never home to see it (re: prev boyfriend and bar hopping) and i wanted evidence to convince her and to also show the vet once i could actually fucking get her over there

she was in so much pain for far too fucking long. cancer was eating away her abdomen, multiple organs. i remember she’d shriek when i had to lift her bc i would touch her abdomen and i remember how bloated she looked

and i know we’re talking about covid but this is the exact same shit my mom was pulling on herself. i would beg and beg and she wouldn’t listen and she could’ve fucking died too. i blame her for the needless suffering of my sunshine baby and i blame her for her lack of care for herself, but she can do that all she wants bc it’s her body her life whatever but u don’t fucking do that to another living being. neglect yourself, be cruel to yourself, deny yourself necessary medical treatment but don’t you fucking dare force an innocent helpless animal who relies on you for everything to go thru that same shit

off topic again sorry

my experiences with covid were so mild compared to everyone else and i’m so tremendously fucked up by it. i can’t imagine what other people have gone through that they just Refuse to talk about for whatever reason. the whole goddamn world was traumatized by this shit, and i am not using the word trauma lightly here. i mean it, the entire world was traumatized and suddenly we’re supposed to act like everything is fine. like we didn’t experience terrible horrible unforgettable things as a collective.

it's practically taboo to still talk about covid but god i wish we could acknowledge the worldwide trauma it's clearly still causing in people. like, it's flat out just. not "polite" to talk about how a mass deadly event might, JUST MIGHT, emotionally affect us a little bit. how an airborne invisible-to-the-eye thing can just BE anywhere now. how abandoned we still feel by our respective governments. how we've lost family, friends, either to death or misinformation and cults, which they cling to because they're ALSO afraid but often refuse to admit it because it'd mean admitting covid is real and ongoing. we just. can't talk about it i guess.

[st4rbwrry]

DUDE I GOT COVID TOO😱. I deadass thought it was a cold and I was just masking at work till I went to my doctor just hoping I could get some strong cold and flu syrup. Then did a covid test and it turned out I have covid💀. I don't go back to work till next Sunday 😌

mine thankfully passed cs i felt a LOT better today. i legit started feeling symptoms sunday night and was like "okay this might be a lil cold". next thing you know im congested, can barely breathe, going to work dizzy af, head POUNDING. and it was feeling exactly how it felt when i had covid last yr. took a test and it was positive lmao. but i hope you get better soon love! covid is rlly no joke. and its very much still here so everybody stay safe and protect themselves !! <3 side note, i took lots of ginger/lemon/tumeric shots and also drank lemon water. those helped a lot! natural remedies are the go to fr.

[straponomics]

God you know what gets on my nerves? (Don't care wasn't asking) fucking medical people who, regardless of what my *actual* name is, regardless of how I present myself or how you talk about yourself, will make a point of misgendering me and deadnaming me whenever possible. Its just like....!!! dude youre reading my chart which tells you i'm on estradiol and progesterone, you've heard from my fucking lips that I'm trans and you have the nerve to read back my chart to me where you deadname or misgender me in every instance, and then wonder why I don't feel very cared for in your practice like???? If you can't get my name right how do I trust that you're accurately recording my symptoms or treatment plan?

Or its like, I got my 4th covid & this years flu shot yesterday (go and schedule yours now) and the sign up asks for your gender assigned at birth like? Shits just transphobic like they don't have two secret varietals for male n female patients and even if they did assuming all amab people should take one regardless of where they are in transition or what their body chemistry is like is fucked. Shits besides the point though because they don't need that info. Literally there just to harass and out trans folks.

[bellaslilpapercut]

Ok I’m so sorry for the unsolicited rambles but I’m obsessed with your sentient vampire theory which I FULLY subscribe to and would like to add a few things.

First off SM almost did actually write something similar for a minute there with The Host which to my mind means y’all were at least on a similar wavelength here haha.

ALSO about attraction: how about the fact that although vampires do share some universal features from transforming, “beauty” is the only symptom you can’t rubber stamp on a person like sparkles or super strength. Like the flu will universally make you sneeze and cough bc that’s how it spreads but it doesn’t make you attractive to other humans so they spend more time around you bc beauty is an entirely culturally measured standard beyond our evolutionary predisposition towards markers of good health/strength/fertility etc. It might seem intuitive that vampires have those markers BUT we also know that the transformation freezes them in time as a more attractive version of themselves- it doesn’t change their bone structure! If it did they’d all look like twins of each other! SO in order for them to be universally beautiful as described, this vampire bug either goes by what it knows its host finds attractive or what it’s hosts social environment finds attractive which is a very interesting thought bc it raises questions like:

If it’s the social environment that counts, given enough time would vampires actually change in appearance and would that rate of change speed up to match our increasingly speedy trend cycle? Bc it took centuries for the ideal body type to go from a plump girly with wide hips to a corseted rococo silhouette but it’s only been a decade since we’ve trended away from the 2010 Victoria’s Secret body type and into BBL territory 🥴 and If they don’t change does that mean we get vampires walking around lookn like a renaissance portrait with a huge forehead and weak chin as per the ideal back then? (My own person HC for the Volturi boyes lol)

If it’s an internal beauty standard that counts, would beauty manifest as what we are attracted to or what we think is attractive to others? If it’s the former you could get cute soul mate scenarios where you finally find sometime that looks like you and you both just know. 🥺 If it’s what we think is attractive to others then imagine all these dudes transforming with super jacked muscles and a massive jawbone or whatever and getting absolutely zero play only for some sensitive soul to transform with defined veiny forearms, fluffy hair and good communication skills to clean up 😌

Honestly I’d like to think it’s a bit of everything which is actually what makes them all so beautiful in sum bc when you think about it: a lot of models are considered beautiful for an unusually pronounced features and vampires would look so much more interesting to modern eyes than any other human could (a bit alien and alarming sure) but not enough to wander into outside of attraction and into grotesque territory!

Apologies if this was a bit forward or anything you’ve just really scratched a brain itch. Massive fan of all your analysis! 🙏💕

Totally fine, please send rambles whenever, my inbox I always open (though it might take a couple business weeks to get to messages sometimes ha). I appreciate this! I have to agree that I think venom may work on two levels when it comes to beauty: traditional/eternal beauty markers like clearer skin, symmetrical features, shiny/healthy hair, etc but taken to an extreme (actually probably to the extreme that the advent of Photoshop and facetune have already taken it to, remember when "clear skin" didn't mean "completely poreless?") as well as current cultural/social beauty standards. Hopefully that does mean there are some vamps walking around looking like renaissance paintings! Interesting though that if the venom does adapt to fit current local beauty standards, that might hint that vampires aren't supposed to be nomadic as their attraction lure bonus feature would work best right where they were turned. Adding to evidence that meyerpires were designed to destroy humanity entirely and the Volturi is still the only thing keeping that from happening a la @therealvinelle 's Volturi metas!

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Any tips for an aspiring social worker

+Be aware of any of your own trauma. Dont be one of the people who think they can do therapy AND get a degree at the same time. You will burn out, there are hundreds every year. Please dont be the person in lectures who takes yup 45 minutes crying over past trauma every session; you need to seek counselling for that from a professional who can help, not from your newbie classmates.

You may think its an exaggeration, but No. Unfortunately, no.

This ties in to your own biases, what you are likely to take to heart if the person fails, etc. You need to work with your supervisor around clients that may trigger something for you; or reconsider the role you are aiming for, etc.

+Have personal skills, you will be making and repairing relationships often. You can’t be someone who is super introverted and unable to start relationships with the clients; because often you are going to be the one doing the Hard Talks about difficult subjects. It doesnt mean you have to be a drill sargeant, but it means you need to have the confidence to talk with anyone.

If you’re a bit shy, work on talking to people and even looking into little courses. You’re not needing qualifications in public speaking, but you do need to have yourself in a position wherein you can talk to someone, even a whole family, or even lawyers, and police. Via phone, video, face-to-face, etc.

+Have work clothes and home clothes. Also court clothes, if you work in areas that need it.

Wear smart casual, you need to look presentable but not be like, dripping with diamonds and playing ‘rich person ministers to the Poors’. It happens, they get told off.

DO NOT WEAR SKIN TIGHT CLOTHES. Or ripped skinny jeans, or have your cleavage/buttcrack hanging out. Please. Strapless backs and short shorts also no.

Students sometimes turn up in this and it is dangerous. Especially the ladies. Sometimes you work with people who are very dangerous, who will interpret clothing for consent, and/or have incredibly low respect for women. When something happens, they will point to the workplace dresscode and absolve themselves of the situation.

Do not wear dangly earrings, scarves or thick necklaces/anything you do not want taken. And if in a hospital role, there are additional rules about what can and cannot be worn (bare below the elbow rule).

Also, enclosed shoes. IF you are in a service that assists families with dysregulated lives, or in the hospitals, etc, you will have strict policies about footwear for your safety.

+Get the flu shot. Trust me. Do it. You talk to so many people, by the time one catches a cold and you start showing symptoms, you’ve seen like twenty people and they all have families.

+Be used to working to tight deadlines. They are always there, esp in hospital social work where you legit have to account for every minute of the day and patient seen on this awful little system.

We are understaffed in most areas, and you will need to work hard.

BUT, self-care is imperative. Even if it is only making sure you leave before 9pm each night lmao.

+Be able to let insults go. You are going to be dealing with people often in the worst part of their life, be it mental health, in the justice system, having their kids removed, being disabled and persistently denied assistance, having significant alcohol/drug concerns, people who have experience extreme sexual harms or domestic violence, people who are being stalked, people in crisis etc.

At some point someone will call you some horrific things, or threaten you, or make nasty comments about you, etc. They may try to make constant complaints, etc. And as frustrating as that is, you have to understand their frustration and anger and fear.

You do not have to sit there and listen to them swear at you, that’s not what this means. It means that when someone is heightened and calling you a cunt, or something more inventive, you don’t give them the reaction they want; you can acknolwedge that they are upset/etc, or give them space by ending the call/leaving the room.

Think about when something happened for you and it was the Worst and you swore or threatened, etc. When you are calm, it seemed ridiculous, didn’t it?  But that was you processing big, complicated feelings in the only way that felt right at the time. Same for them.

+You need to be aware that some clients have done or experienced terrible things, but you need to be open to the individual within the trauma. For example, someone may not be showing their emotional distress or pain or grief etc in the way you think they should, so you might discount it. When, someone who has gotten to know the client is aware that they tend to do ____ behaviour when they are having flashbacks, which is not a behaviour normally associated with the trauma.

Also, biases again.  Just because someone is on drugs and denying to you that they have a problem, does not mean some part of them isn’t aware they do have one. Relapses are common. Soemtimes it is about discussing what was happening for them this week that made them use again, what they could try next time, if they are using their support networks. And never putting them in the Hopeless box.

If you are really struggling with a client, lean on your team, talk to your supervisor and see what else can be done or if there is another social worker with more experience who can be involved even for a short-term intervention.

+Don’t throw jargon and insider terms around when talking to clients, it’s rude.  Explain things, use pauses so they can think.

+Look into the primary populations of your area/the area you intend to work in. Are there a high level of Indigenous persons? Refugees? People whose first language isn’t english and may need extra help with engagment?

What are your immediate thoughts (learned stigmata/stereotypes) about these peoples? How can you learn more?

In Aus, we work closely with Indigenous communities and agencies around social work matters. Making sure everyone is supported, heard, and can understand the concerns being raised/what is needed to help the client move forwards. There are many people out there who see this as ‘coddling’ or ‘unfair to non-Indigenous people’; but it is simply making certain that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are on the same footing as any non-Indigenous client.

And that cultural options are put on the table, such as having a family member step up to take in a child whilst the parent is not well; or trying a community-focused approach to helping with a drug concern, and using the right agencies so that they have appropriate supports.

Would it be fair to have a non-english speaking client in a courtroom without an interpreter? Why?  Would you claim that they should know english and the entire legal system bc they were in your country? Of course not, that’s absurd.  But some people think that way.

Would it be fair to ask someone in a wheelchair to file a form on the top floor of a building with no elevators, by 5pm, or lose their home? Why? Would you think they are complaining or ‘lying’ if they were able to mobilise a few steps without the chair, on a good day? That they were being ‘lazy’ and ‘deserved’ to lose their housing? Of course not, that’s absurd.  But some people think that way.

When the military put men into service in the wars, they made anyone who could pass an english test an officer and the rest priovates who would die first in battle. Was this fair? Why not? Because it ensured the rich white dudes with private tutors got the best spots (totally unqualified) while the poor, poc and refugees were used as cannon fodder. Many could have been good officers if the test was about competence, but it wasn’t. Some people feel this was fair.

There are still people who think they ‘did the right thing’ whilst participating in the Stolen Generations; but then, they also thought taking babies from single mothers was appropriate too. That women couldn’t vote or be trusted with money, that is was ‘kinder’ to take a stillborn away and dispose of it without the mother ever seeing... rather than let her hold them, and say goodbye the way she needed to. Not to mention the english children shipped over to Aus to be used as little slaves and cruelly abused by Priests and Nuns and ‘upright christian citizens’. Not to mention lobotomies for when people were too emotional/refusing to play the game. Forcing hormone treatments on men and women to stop their homosexuality or sexually abusing them to ‘fix them’. Not to mention all the Twilight births nonsense where they tried to remove the pregnant person from the equation entirely, and it kept causing post partum depression.  Not to mention... Not to Mention... NOT TO MENTION...

We have a lot of broken little old men and women and nonbinary (who do or don’t realise it) now, because of these “helpful interventions”.

You need to be aware of the harm that has been done, and aware of your own practice, so this damage can’t happen again and again.

Understand that your perspective and the worries/concerns you hold are often different to those of the client, because you are individuals who grew up in very different ways.

And remember, being a rich white person in a high paying job with good social standing doesn’t mean you can’t be charged for drug possession or have child safety knock on your door about the bruises you leave. Never think people are Above being awful, and never Assume people are because they are poor, a different colour, have not had your advantages, or have a disability/poor mh or addiction.

Clients are people, like you. Never think that you are above needing help too, one day. We all do, humans are built to rely on the group, on the social bonds we make from the minute we are born.

+Do you overreact to things? Sometimes a client will tell you about something that happened years ago, but they may phrase it like it happened yesterday (because of how it has returned to their mind, etc), and if you were to overreact to that immediately it can break the relationship/cause harm. You could say, “I can hear that this is very distressing for you, thank you for telling me about this difficult event in your life. Would it be alright if I asked you a follow-up question about when this occurred?” Sometimes a client will disclose things to you, and the goal is to remain in the conversation. They do a lot of this preparation at university, but you also need to have a personal ability to not panic off the bat.

+Ask yourself, is there anyone I would refuse to work with... and then examine Why. How would you react if a person like that came onto your caseload?

+Do not become overly emotionally invested in a client. It will be said in training over and over again, but you need to have clear boundaries; and being too invested in their success can hinder your ability to provide appropriate assessments for the client. Meaning they are not getting the care they need; which can sometimes be a harsh conversation about how you can see they are trying, but have backslid recently, so what is happening?

+Look at any internal biases and prejudices you may have. Did you have extreme mental health concerns that may make you feel more sympathetic to a parent or client, and this could blind you to the other concerns present? Didyou grow up rich and now have unrealistic expectations of what is necessary to be a good person? Do you think that all ‘those people’ should ______ ? Why?  Question yourself. If you find yourself stereotyping or pigeonholing someone as ‘just another ____ trying to _____’ stop. Think about it. Where did you get that idea?

+Be aware of professional boundaries, do not be friends with the clients, but don’t be cold. Always let your bosses know about potential conflicts of interest to protect you.

Like, don’t loan the client $5, don’t hang out at the cinema because they’re ‘a great person’, etc.

And be aware that you have more power in this dynamic, so you have to be careful not to abuse it.

+You need to be good at record keeping, and honest.  Everything you do is documents, referrals, reports, affidavits, forms, and a million little notes for this and that. It is imperative you are accurate, use the format required, and be honest. If you saying “Have you tried not taking drugs?” to a client sends them into a rage, you don’t write “Client was heightened and threatened me without reason at today’s session” in the notes. That’s putting a knife in their back.

”Client was triggered when I, the practitioner, made an inappropriate remark (”Have you tried not taking drugs?”) today. They told me I am a “fucking whore who should kill myself” and threw their chair across the room before leaving the building. I have discussed this matter with my supervisor, and we are going to call Client at 3pm today, to provide a formal apology for this statment and attempt to repair the professional working relationship, as they have been making significant progress with this agency until today’s event.” Whole scenario, tells the real story. You will make mistakes, but it is about being able to accept this and move forwards.

Accurate documentation is a must, may be needed for court.

+You will need to have a good memory. A good way of keeping little notes to unlock the full encounter when you write casenotes and reports.

+Make connections. Every client will need a support system around them, and if you have an inroads with different agencies, it will help them out. For example, if your client has drug concerns, then being aware of the agencies and counsellors in the region broadens their safety net.

Knowing the practitioners gives you someone to ask for professional advice around, say “Good Morning Kim, I know your agency handles Centrelink application often for non-english speaking clients. I have a client who is new to the country and is struggling to complete the financial aid forms, they speak Language. Would I be able to refer them to your agency, or will they need a more specific agency who handle Language -speaking persons?”

You have, in a deidentified way, sought help for a client through a known agency and can now refer them pending the answer. Etc.

+If you are not sure about something, ask your supervisor. They have several years on you, and almost all areas of social work prescribes to one or another Acts (legal requirements) which they are required to have a strong grasp on.

Get to know any legislation in the area you are aiming for. This will help immensely.

+Doing a degree gets you two fieldwork practicals, in different areas.  These really help you identify which area you want to go for; your main goal going into a degree may not be the one you settle on. Many people have an idea where they want to work and change their minds after their placements, or really feel connected to a different area, etc.

+Mostly, be certain this is what you want.

Have your own support network.

Be aware that you must uphold confidentiality, at all times. No posting to social media people, please...

Be aware that in small communities you are likely shopping at the same place as clients. Ask them how they want you to react when you see each other in public (eg. please don’t acknowledge me, or happy to give a wave) so they feel comfortable.

Don’t disclose personal information to a client.  There’s a difference between “Yes, I can see that you are having trouble with baby; I recall they get quite fussy at teething time, have you tried a cold biting ring?” and “My son, Chadley, is eight but when he was two he used to just keep biting the furniture and his poor teacher, Mrs Allyways! At least he’s grown out of it now, but I just know Bailey’s going into that phase soon, the dangers of having kids a few years apart!”

I know who your child had as a teacher, and now the school as well, esp if its a small town. I know you have two children, their names, and your last name so I could go get them from school if I wanted to. I know you work until 5pm, and someone could pick them up.

Etc.

Mostly, be a decent human being who does their best and doesn’t walk in thinking they’re better than everyone, and you can do okay. Have a good support network, use them, and seek help if you struggle.

Uni is drawn out and a bit boring, but you will get a lot from it (even if you only see it in hindsight).

[bitchapalooza]

🤪🥸🥴👅🤫

The second one is just a box for me lmao so imma just roll with that, please don't mind my dumb phone

A comedy-fantasy adventure of Prussia and Austria trying to find a magical item said to heal any sickness and break any curse. Sort of a d&d-like feel to it. Simply put, Adventure Dorks AU.

Germany has fallen gravelly ill. Doctors say there's nothing they can do. Sorcerers claim no spell of any kind would work. Prussia, losing hope, begrudgingly contacts his prissy cousin as a last resort.

Austria knows everything. Or thats at least what most are left to believe what with his immense collection of books and scrolls. He doesn't know everything, just the history od the world, no big deal, not like he earned an actual doctorate or anything. He's a historian with a side hobby in reading is all.

When Prussia comes crestfallen on his doorstep, on the verge of begging, Austria could just about laugh. Finally his boneheaded cousin is groveling like the idiot he his! How can he not laugh! He's only proving his point!

Wait.

What was that about Germany being sick?

Prussia explains everything. Germany's symptoms. How they come and go. How he's seemingly not contagious despite it resembling a severe case of the simple little flu. He begs his dear, dear, totally not as annoying as a bleating faun in the early morning cousin for help. After gloating and laughing his fucking ass off, Austria goes through the copious amounts of medical journals he's purchased through the years; only use he's had for them before was the occational read. Nothing helped, however. Next he goes to texts about medicinal herbs. Just as he suspected. Squat-diddley.

Finally, he turns to a bundle of scrolls that was left by his ex-partner some odd years ago. Spain was a curious fellow. Loved learning about magic, be it fun little spells or life threatening hexes. Austria was highly invested in Spain's practices. He's not as familiar between the differences of a spell and curse, but he can spot the symptoms sometimes.

And so he takes those scrolls, albiet hesitantly, and he begins to read them. He and Prussia split the load, but its Austria who figures out that it is indeed a very high level, very dangerous hex as he has suspected. As they can only be broken by the one casted it, or die from it, Austria regretfully tells his cousin that there is no hope.

But Prussia won't go home empty handed. He will not return and let his other siblings and friends know he's failed. He won't let his baby brother down. He stubbornly plants his ass right back down and begins to reread everything, convinced theres some conman-type fine print in between sentences as if it were a goddamn laffy taffy joke under the tab.

Austria tells him to give it up. There was no fucking use. He has no idea what kind of sorcerer Germany had pissed off to have been hexed so badly, just that Prussia needed to leave. To give that young man a comfortable rest of his life, not stress and pain. But Prussia won't fucking listen. Just as he always does. Just as when they were children.

When Austria was about to give this assclown a piece of his mind, Prussia suddenly jumps up. He pushes an older looking, torn scroll into Austria's chest and demands he reads it. Prussia is pacing, clearly holding in his excitement. His tell was that toothy grin of his. Austria frantically read the text but was. Neutral.

A Golden Dragon's Fang? Really?

"This is a myth, cousin." He says, matter a factly. "If you think you can somehow find your way to wherever this is, then you are stupid and reckless. Get your own foot out of your ass and face the facts. He's going to live in agony with this curse or die with it."

Prussia tries to snatch the scroll back, anger in his eyes as he prepares to leave and never look back. But Austria stops him. "I say all that, knowing full well what asinine bullshit you plan to pull to get this thing."

"And so what? Give me the damn scroll and let me go get it."

"No."

"No!?"

"This may come as a surprise to you, cousin, but I hate you. You are insufferable. Bullheaded. A textbook MORON—"

"Blah blah blah, you sound like that talking cow that only insults people who don't pay immediate attention to her."

"THAT MAYBE SO." Austria takes his glasses off, eyes genuine and true. "But that doesn't mean I don't still care about you."

"Now I know a guy. She has her ways of getting information and she might be able to get information on this dragon fang— if it even exists. Its a big IF, cousin. Don't get your hopes up. V does not make promises."

And so with that, they embark on their journey for the Golden Dragon's Fang. Many many many many arguments to happen. Petty insults thrown. Not much bonding because wow nothing changes a cold heart and rat bastard, y'know?

HA! Prussia embarrassed Austria in front of the Great Oracle, someone get a picture I think he's about to piss himself lmao!

Oh the Forest Of Truth? Oof, did Austria really just get owned by a foggy ghost of his ex husband? Damn dude. Well at least Prussis is....

...

Prussia is being assualted by the clown and his balloon sword his father hired for his 5th birthday party. Oh you weird little man thing you...

[klove0511]

Enough

Title: Enough

Link: AO3

Square Filled: Pups

Ship: Sam/Castiel

Rating: T

Tags: infertility, alpha!Cas, omega!Sam, married couple, implied sexual content, implied mpreg

Summary:  Sam stared at the negative pregnancy test and tried to curb his disappointment. He’d thought that this time—No. He hadn’t. He’d hoped, maybe, but he hadn’t expected a positive test in years. It didn’t make it any easier. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and ignored the burning behind his eyes as he rinsed out his mouth. It only helped dissipate the sour taste a little. He thought about brushing his teeth but decided it probably wasn't worth the effort when he knew he was going to be puking again in an hour.

Word Count: 1632

Created for @spnabobingo

Sam stared at the negative pregnancy test and tried to curb his disappointment. He’d thought that this time—No. He hadn’t. He’d hoped, maybe, but he hadn’t expected a positive test in years. It didn’t make it any easier. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and ignored the burning behind his eyes as he rinsed out his mouth. It only helped dissipate the acidic taste a little. He thought about brushing his teeth but decided it probably wasn't worth the effort when he knew he was going to be puking again in an hour.

“Sam? Are you ok?” Cas’s voice carried through the door.

If Cas was checking on him then he must have been in the bathroom longer than he thought. He threw out the test and checked himself in the mirror. He looked like shit, but the stomach flu did that to a person. Splashing some cool water on his face helped, and so did running his hand through his hair. It made him feel more normal, less like the person fucking up his marriage one heat at a time.

Opening the bathroom door revealed a haggard Castiel. One look and they were on the same page. Sam hated it, but it was a familiar dance by now. He brushed past his mate, hoping he could lose himself in a book for a while until the sting of yet another negative test passed.

“Sam.”

“No.” Sam didn’t turn around to face Cas, but he stopped walking toward the stairs. “We both knew it was the stomach flu. There’s nothing to talk about.”

God, Castiel stank when he got upset. His scent turned bitter, acrid with anger and frustration. Sam suspected he did too, though he couldn’t smell it. No wonder their friends didn’t come over much anymore. The whole place had to smell like rot and death.

“You’re wrong; we do need to talk.” Castiel had followed him to the living room. Sam just wanted to disappear inside himself for a few hours, maybe puke some more. He didn’t reply. Cas sighed. “Fine. Another time. This can’t go on forever, Sam.”

Sam squeezed his eyes shut as he listened to his mate leave the room. He was a broken, worthless omega that couldn’t even get pregnant, and Cas thought they needed to talk. The rational part of his brain said Cas was probably just worried, but the rational part wasn’t driving the bus right now. It had been drowned out by all the feelings of worthlessness and failure that bubbled to the surface every time another test came back negative.

 Two days later, Sam was feeling mostly normal again. The vomiting and fatigue had subsided, and with it, his disappointment was starting to fade to its usual level. It was always hardest in the moments after a test, but day to day Sam felt like he compartmentalized his grief well. He kept busy with work or chores or reading, anything to avoid looking to closely at the pup-shaped emptiness in their family. At the moment, he was just starting to chop vegetables for dinner, and the quiet felt peaceful for once instead of oppressive.

Of course, Castiel chose that moment to confront him with the conversation they’d been avoiding. “Sam.” It was quiet but firm, and Sam knew he wouldn’t be able to evade this discussion anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, equally quietly.

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“I promise I don’t. I know you, though, and I’m certain you are apologizing for something that is not your fault. So, please. Tell me.” Cas’s voice carried his frustration, and Sam’s nose flared as the air turned sour around them.

Sam couldn’t help his grim smile. “I can’t get pregnant.”

It was the first time either of them had said it out loud so bluntly.

Gently, as if afraid he would spook Sam into bolting, Cas took one of Sam’s enormous hands into his own. “We don’t know that.” Cas paused, and Sam struggled to keep his protests to himself. It was the only explanation. He was broken. “The doctors said—"

“That we just needed to keep trying, I know. But. Cas, we have. For six years.” Sam shrugged. “Maybe we just need to try a little longer.”

Cas shook his head furiously. “This is killing you, Sam. I can’t—I—It’s enough. We’ve done enough.”

Sam felt cold fear settle in his stomach and thought his stomach flu might be making a comeback. “What are you saying?”

Cas winced. Sam tried to relax his grip on Cas’s hand, to calm his scent, anything to take that expression off his mate’s face, but Cas held on tighter, refusing to let go. “There are options.”

“You want to stop trying.” He’d heard stories of this happening to other omegas who couldn’t ‘perform’ to expectations, known this issue was straining their marriage to the breaking point. Nothing could have prepared him, though, for Cas abandoning him.

Cas shook his head vehemently. “Not like you mean. Sam, I will never turn you away from our bed. I want—I want us to stop obsessing. To stop seeing every illness as a pregnancy symptom. If it happens, then wonderful. If it doesn’t, then there are other ways to grow our family. Adoption, for example.”

“Adoption.” Sam scoffed. Adoptions almost never worked out with alphas. Their instincts were usually just too strong to accept a strange pup into their pack.

“Think about it, please?”

Sam nodded stiffly, and Castiel squeezed his hand before finally releasing it and leaving Sam to his thoughts.

 Dean flopped on the couch beside his brother, reaching for his beer before lifting his feet on to the coffee table. Sam tossed a glare at him, then turned back to the game on TV. They sat in companionable silence for a minute or two before Dean cleared his throat. Sam glanced over and silently groaned. Dean had his “serious conversation” face on, and Sam thought he might punch the next person who asked how he was.

“Cas said you’ve been sick.”

Sam sighed. He loved Cas so much, but now he was sending Dean to check on him? “It was the stomach flu.”

“Yeah, he said. He, uh—” Dean grumbled and sighed. “Look, you and Cas ever actually talk about having kids?”

“What the hell, Dean?” Sam glared at his brother.

Dean threw his hands out defensively. “I’m just asking, Sam. It’s not like you talk to me about this crap. Look, I saw a test in the trash when I went to the bathroom. Cas said you’ve been sick. I did the math. Cas know you don’t want pups?”

“You think I don’t want kids? Dude, we haven’t used birth control since the night we mated.”

Dean looked around, as if he might see a gaggle of kids he’d somehow missed running around. “What? You’ve been married six years! I always figured you two just didn’t want any. I mean—”

“I know.” Sam stared at his hands.

“Have you tried—”

“We’ve tried everything. I just…can’t. There were a couple times I thought—But then I went into heat, so—”

“Sam.”

“Don’t.” Sam shook his head and swallowed hard.

Dean worked his jaw for a moment or two before nodding. “How’s Cas?”

Sam shrugged. “Wants to try adopting.”

Dean grimaced. “You think that’ll work?”

“I don’t know, but he’s right. What we’re doing, what we’ve been doing, isn’t working.”

Dean paused, thoughtful, then smirked. “Well, if adopting would work for anyone, it would be you guys. Wouldn’t be the first time our family picked up some strays.”

Sam chuckled. “Dude, we were the strays. Bobby took us in.”

“Exactly.” Dean grinned.

Sam laughed and sipped his beer. Maybe. Maybe it could work, despite the statistics. In any case, finally talking to Dean about everything had made him feel better than he had in a long time.

 Cas was reading in bed, and Sam thought he looked adorable. Even when he read for fun, Cas focused his entire being on what he was doing, studying the novel in front of him with an endearing intensity.

Sam leaned on the doorframe, smiling softly to himself. “Hey.”

Despite his intense focus on his book, it only took one word from Sam to get Cas’s attention. “Sam. Is everything all right?”

“Thanks for siccing Dean on me today.”

Cas’s forehead crinkled in confusion.

“We talked. And…I thought about what you said.”

This time, Cas closed the book and set it on the nightstand.

Sam stared at his feet for a minute, then lifted his eyes. “If you think we can make it work, then I’m on board. But—”

Cas nodded. “I know. The statistics regarding successful adoptions are discouraging. Alpha instincts are difficult to fight. But, Sam, I know us.”

Sam smiled. “Ok then.”

The delight that lit up Cas’s face was beautiful, and Sam couldn’t help pressing a kiss to his mate’s lips. Cas let out a small moan and tugged Sam onto the bed with him. Sam growled and allowed Cas to flip them.

Cas latched onto Sam’s shoulder, sucking and biting over his mating scar. Sam groaned and pushed at Castiel’s clothes, trying to get some skin contact. Cas detached himself long enough for Sam to remove his shirt, and he took the chance to strip Sam. It was good, and it was easy in a way it hadn’t been for far too long.

After, they lay together, panting and sated and melting into each other. Sam drifted in a state of lazy satisfaction, basking in his mate’s affection. Tomorrow, things would still be difficult. Sam would still feel broken. Their marriage might never get back to where it used to be. But now, maybe, things could finally start getting better.

[argumate]

Victoria has significantly stepped up its response for a "likely pandemic" by opening four specialised coronavirus testing clinics on Saturday, as it emerged that an infected Toorak doctor unknowingly saw about 70 Melbourne patients before he was diagnosed with the virus.

State Health Minister Jenny Mikakos said the doctor, in his 70s, may have contracted the virus on a flight in the US but attended work with flu-like symptoms, treating dozens of patients over five days between Monday 2 March and Friday 6 March.

dude.

[secretobsessionstuff]

Yay! My school started yesterday, haha. So I’m kinda short on creative ideas right now, but I’ll try! Maybe Madix picks something up at work and has to go to the bathroom to throw up before his shift is even over. He texts Riley telling him what’s going on but he has to finish his shift because there’s an important patient or something. While Riley waits for Madix to get home, he sets up a nice spot on the couch for his boyfriend to rest and relax. Madix throws up more once he gets home. :)

Dude I had so much fun writing this! Thank you! 

The day was almost over, just two more hours and then he could crash. Just 120 more minutes of nausea, burping, and dizziness. Madix felt like he was hearing a patient list off their symptoms to him. Every ailment swirled in his head, but most notably in his stomach. He exhaled deeply through his nose and finished up the last stitching on some poor guy’s forehead. It was sloppy and the man’s breath smelt like week-old tuna, but it was over. It might as well have been karma for breathing in a patient’s face while he most certainly had picked up the bug taking down each member of the ER department one by one.

Madix removed his gloves, and quickly excused himself. His departure felt a bit hasty, especially since his patient was being so appreciative, and towards some expendable resident at that. But he had to leave. He had to get away from the crying children, and the ringing phones, and the general noise that wafted around the emergency room. Don’t get him wrong, Madix’s favourite rotation was trauma and emergency medicine, however he really wished he was further away from the noise today. 

Before a new arrival could come wheeling in on a stretcher, Madix made a beeline for the nearest restroom. Thank God it was a single one. He lifted the toilet seat as if to pee, and instead just leaned against the back wall with his head hanging above the bowl. His breath came in quick burst, as he fought back nausea. Nothing happened. He wanted to go home so badly before something did happen. By the way his belly gurgled and tossed around his lunch, he didn’t think he’d get so lucky.

For now, Madix splashed some water on his red cheeks and returned to work. The next half hour of his shift went by in a blur. He couldn’t have guessed how many arterial lines he inserted, or how many lacerations he stitched up, but he could tell you how many times his stomach rolled like an overturned car on the freeway. He could tell you that his temperature rose steadily throughout the day, as did his fear that he’d be seeing a reappearance of his lunch.

Shakily, Madix opened the curtain to greet the next patient. He looked down at his clipboard to familiarize himself with the case, but there was no need. The child’s darkened expression cracked slightly as she saw Madix. Her sunken cheeks perked up ever so slightly upon seeing a familiar face. Madix did not have the same reaction.

“Kiara, what are you doing back here?” Madix sighed, but added a bit of mockery in his tone to cheer the child up. He looked towards Kiara’s mother and kept his voice even. “This is what? The third time you’ve been here in the past two weeks?”

“She’s still throwing up after every meal,” the mother said with her arms crossed. “No one is taking this seriously, Madix.”

It was after the second trip to the ER that the family had started calling Madix by his first name. Even after two visits, the child’s symptoms persisted. Kiara was noticeably weaker this time around. Madix was sure that she had an ulcer, but his attending kept dismissing it as indigestion, or hysteria. Upon hearing that, Madix almost punched his superior. For God’s sake the kid was unable to keep anything down for ten days. This was not made-up or exaggerated. 

This time would be different. Madix ordered various tests, determined to get to the bottom of this. He’d done all these tests before and each time there wasn’t a significant fluctuation to warrant concern. Still, Kiara warranted concern.  

For a moment, Madix forgot about his own problems. He had a stupid stomach flu, while his patient had something much worse. He shouldn’t have been complaining, but it was hard to ignore the growing nausea. While he waited for the tests to come back, he had every intention of speaking more with Kiara and her mom, but his belly demanded immediate attention. For a second, Madix tried resisting the call, then he gagged, forcing him to cover his mouth with his hand and dash to the bathroom.

He threw open the door and crashed to the ground in front of the toilet. A sick belch gurgled up his throat, followed by a gush of vomit. It landed in the water below with a splash, making droplets fly back in his face. Madix breathed heavily. He wiped his damp face and prayed that it would be one and done.

It wasn’t. He heaved emptily, feeling the organ trying desperately to rid itself of its contents. Madix coughed harshly to get things going. Something in his throat was dislodged and a fresh wave of sick filled his mouth. Hopefully the doors were thick enough and the ER loud enough that no one heard his struggle. He burped up a few thick strands of saliva, and flushed away the mess.

His stomach was killing him, but he wanted to be the one calling the shots. He got to his feet, ignoring the way his insides were swirling, and immediately regretted it. His vision went dark and he lost his balance. He caught himself on the sink. God, he felt disgusting and so not ready to leave the comfort of a nearby toilet.

Madix took his phone out from his pocket. He wasn’t supposed to have it with him, but it was nice to look up some stuff when he ran into uncommon symptoms. This time, he was happy just to see Riley’s face on his lock screen. It was late in the evening; Riley would be home and definitely looking at his phone. Madix succumbed to the temptation and called his boyfriend.

Riley picked up on the first ring. “Madix?”

For a quick second, all Riley could hear was heavy breathing and sniffling. Then Madix’s raspy voice crackled in his ear. “I just threw up.”

“What? Are you okay?” The concern in Riley’s voice was clear, but there was a twinge of relief by the fact that he was hiding behind a phone. 

“I’m…” Madix was going to say fine, but couldn’t manage it convincingly, also he really didn’t want to try. “…I’m not doing so great, to be honest.”

“Oh baby, are you coming home?”

Madix squeezed his eyes shut and pretended that Riley was in the small space with him. “I can’t. There’s this little girl. I can’t leave her – I can’t.”

“Mads, you sound terrible. I want you home.”

“I want to be home, but –”

“I know,” Riley said quickly. “Deal with this, and when you get back, I’ll have everything set up for.”

“I don’t know if I can make it the rest of my shift without getting sick again.”

“You can. I know you can,” Riley tried to sound convincing but all he could hear was Madix groaning in pain. “You’re so good, Mads.”

Madix ran his hand through his hair and exhaled deeply. “Okay, I’ll be home soon. I love you.”

“Love you.”

Madix wasn’t sure if that phone call made him more determined to help Kiara, or just more anxious to be home with his boyfriend. Either way, he spat the vile taste of puke into the sink and left.

Reading the results of the tests was a dizzying affair. The numbers blended into one large inkblot in Madix’s vision, and the world around him seemed to slow down. The noises of the ER faded, which would have been nice If Madix wasn’t actively trying to remain upright.

One small bit of hope broke his nausea induced trance – the breath test came back showing signs of a peptic ulcer. This would almost certainly convince his attending to at least do an endoscopy and Madix knew exactly what it would show. Madix only wished it didn’t have to take this long to help Kiara and give her a real diagnosis.

With the good/bad news in hand, Madix returned to where Kiara was waiting. She was lying with her head in her mom’s lap, and didn’t even look up when Madix came in. It was only when he explained the true reason for her sickness, that both the mother and daughter breathed a sigh of relief. Madix did as well, and leaned against the bed for support. He reckoned he looked like shit as he delivered the news. His hands shook as he read the results out loud so that the mother could understand, and ran out of breath by time he finished explaining.

Kiara’s mother put her hand on Madix’s shoulder. “Thank you, Madix, for actually taking us seriously. I do hope your shift is over because you deserve a break.”

She had no idea how badly he needed that break. Madix wanted to stay longer and make sure that everything was sorted out with his attending and Kiara’s treatment, but his rotation was over, and he felt like passing out. With his fist pressed into his mouth, he left in a hurry.

The ride back was as one would expect. Madix struggled to keep his insides…inside. His stomach was back to rebelling against him and threatening to open the flood gates. He didn’t think he had much left to throw up, but his body didn’t seem to have gotten the memo.

As soon as he opened the front door, Madix dropped his bags and happily collapsed into Riley’s waiting arms. His boyfriend was warm and smelt like soap. It was comforting and soft for a moment, then his stomach whined again. He shivered and broke away from his boyfriend.

Riley guided Madix to the couch where there was a pile of blankets, exactly two of favourite pillows, and a glass of water on the coffee table. There was also a bucket on the floor. “How are you feeling?”

“Nauseous.” Madix melted at the sight of the comfy bed Riley had set up. He wanted to fall into the couch, but he froze. With his mouth slightly agape, his tongue became slick with saliva. His hand shook as he covered his mouth. He questioned whether he could make it to the bathroom in time. 

Before he could make the decision to run to the toilet, Riley shoved the bucket under his chin and caught the sick that splattered in the basin. Madix’s whole body shook as he lurched forward. He took the bucket in his own hands and turned away from his boyfriend. With strangled noises, he resisted each successive retch, causing his chest to hitch.

Riley stayed behind him and rubbed his back. “Let yourself throw up, Madix. Don’t fight it.”

Madix didn’t need much convincing, mostly because his body took over. He relaxed the muscles in his abdomen, only for them to spasms immediately afterward. He doubled over and vomited up more stomach contents. Each gush of puke gurgled in his throat and landed in the bucket with a sickening splash. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled between heaves and mouthfuls of vomit. “I – I can’t help it.”

Riley lowered Madix to the ground, where he knelt, still with his head shoved in the bucket. “That’s okay, I’m fine. Let it happen.” 

In reality, Riley’s hands were shaking just as much as Madix’s were, but he ignored it. He ignored the feeling in his chest telling him to cover his ears and run. He thought that if he told himself he was fine, then he would be fine, and so far, it was working. He focused on rubbing Madix’s back in big circles.

Madix finally got a moment to catch his breath. He felt like he got a proper ab workout, and probably grip strengthening with how hard he was holding onto the bucket. He shut his eyes, still feeling like the room was spinning. “I need to lie down.”

“Are you done throwing up?”

“For now.”

So, Madix practically crawled to the couch. He wrapped himself in the blankets that Riley had made into a nest and closed his eyes. He lay with his head in Riley’s lap while hugging his aching belly. Before falling asleep, he mumbled just loud enough so that Riley would hear him. 

“That patient is going to be okay.”

“Good. You’re a good doctor.”

“I’m not a doctor yet.” Madix yawned and started to play with the sweaty collar of his shirt. “There’s vomit on my scrubs.” He pouted.

Riley chuckled, a sound that Madix felt privileged to hear so well. “And it’s not someone else’s this time.”

[plague-of-insomnia]

Happy you got your shot but what's it for my dude

As I explained here, I have a very very rare chronic illness, and although I do many things to manage my symptoms, my shot (the one I got finally yesterday) is the only treatment that directly addresses the root cause of my disease, and thus suppresses my symptoms.

My disease makes me feel like someone with dementia who has a chronic migraine and a bad case of the flu who just ran a marathon.

My insurance denied my first claim so I was three weeks past when I was supposed to get my shot, so as a result, I started feeling like that sick marathon runner I just described.

It affects my whole body, and untreated is completely disabling. It’s why I’ve been mostly absent on SM lately and haven’t been writing/updating in the past few weeks.

I am now in appeal limbo, which I was told could take more than 30 days. The only reason I got this dose was bc I was approved for a free dose by the drug company, but you’re only allowed 2 in your lifetime, so if the appeal drags on or it’s denied and I have to try to apply for the drug company’s payment program, it’s possible I may miss my next dose. This medicine is VERY expensive (think chemo expensive), so the insurance is going to do whatever they can to avoid paying.

But I am going to try to stay positive since my doctor is going to talk to the insurance company, and hopefully that will help get things done sooner.

If I feel well enough I am going to try to get Maneater’s ch 2 posted this month and maybe the next chapter of WDH if I can as well.

BUT I sadly can’t make promises. This drug works by building up in your system slowly over time, so missing a dose is like “resetting” everything to the starting line. So I don’t know how effective this will be considering how badly my symptoms have returned/exacerbated over the past month.

The two years before this drug, I had gotten so sick I was literally bedridden and unable to write and I desperately don’t want to go back there bc I have come so far in 2019!!

Sorry this went on longer than I planned. Hope this made sense as my brain fog has been awful.

TL;DR: The shot is a special medcine that punches my immune system in the gut and shouts at it to behave its fucking self so I can feel like a functioning human being. But I have to take it every 4 weeks, regularly, for it to be effective, and my insurance this year doesn’t want to pay for any of my meds, so I’m 3 weeks late and have been feeling like shit.

[lubdubsworld]

A change of Heart.( Taehyungx OC)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Three days later, I was dragging myself back to my room , early in the morning. it had been a hectic few days but there had been a breakthrough the previous day and some of the doctors had managed to isolate the particular strain of virus that seemed resistant to attack the particular gene related to lycanthropy. A virus that spared humans and targeted werewolves was unheard of and almost all werewolf extremist groups were gearing up in protest, claiming that the government had engineered the virus as some sort of twisted biological warfare weapon. 

I didn’t want to think too much about the details of it. 

I was more worried about the three young pups, struggling to breath in the NICU. They’d caught the virus from their mothers who were also deathly ill.

My room was located off campus, down a narrow pathway and a few yard into the surrounding woods. it was a cabin of sorts, with a built in bath and kitchen and a spacious living/dining/bedroom space. it was still dark outside, as i trudged wearily across the damp foliage, my shoes squishing into the wet earth and leaving muddy streaks on the white surface. 

“What were doing out this late?” Taehyung’s voice caught me off guard and i felt my heart leap into my throat in surprise.

“Oh, Christ...” i whispered, clutching my bag tightly as i tried to push down on the panic. Taehyung looked unimpressed as he stared at me. 

“well?” He demanded, when i ignored him and moved to open the door to my cabin.

I sighed, exhausted. 

“Can i help you?” i said wearily.

He stared at me for a second.

“I have a proposition for you.” He said , voice a little stilted , teeth worrying his lips as he stared at his shoes. If I didn’t know for a fact that this man was richer than 90% of the people in my country and pretty much the definition of powerful, i would almost think he was nervous.

I didn’t respond, waiting for him to continue.

“My daughter....she...” He sighed.” She’s taken a real shine to you. She refuses to stay with any of her usual babysitters and insists that unless I invite you over for dinner, she will not in anyway listen to me.” 

He looked like the words tasted bitter on his tongue.

I stared at him.

“And?” i prompted.

He glanced at the cabin.

“I told you to quit your job. Why are you still here?” He asked, eyes narrowing.

“Oh wow. it’s almost as if you don’t have any say in what i do with my life, Mr. Kim...isn’t that shocking?” i smiled brightly, already turning around to open the door.

i yelped when his hand shot out, gripping my wrist hard. I whimpered and his hold loosened, but he didn’t let go .

“Nobody wants you here, Mirae ssi...” He gritted out. “ You and your kind are the reason we’ve been subjugated and oppressed for centuries, and I’ll be damned if I let you people infiltrate the once place that is supposed to be a safe haven for wolves everywhere....” 

His eyes flashed red, lips twisted with burning anger and I tried to pull my hand out of his grip. 

“And yet....you want me to have dinner with your baby daughter...” i snapped and his eyes narrowed.

“She’s a child. She doesn’t know any better. And i don’t want you to have dinner with her... i want you to come over and tell her that you’re never coming back here because you don’t fucking belong here in the first place....” He snarled.

i shook my head.

“i’ve done nothing to harm your species. I’m only trying to help...i know your anger is justified but you’re taking it out on the wrong person...”

I yelped when he let me go, but only to step  in closer, both hands closing around my arms and pushing me up against the side of the building. i flinched, when the old wood pressed against my skin, the harsh rub of splinters evident through my thin blouse. 

He was taller than me by almost a foot and I turned away, heart pounding as he ducked his head, nudging my cheeks a little.

“Am I? “ He whispered softly.” You’re not welcome here and yet, you can’t seem to want to leave. So what’s the catch? Did some rough old wolf catch your fancy....You wanna find out what its like to fuck an animal, sweetheart?” He huffed out a breath that was sickly sweet and warm against my neck.

 “What are you-?” I flinched when he growled and pressed in closer, this time his body pushing me into the wall. 

“I know that most of you women think that fucking a werewolf is the ultimate fantasy. A forbidden fruit. A sick little fetish. Isn’t that what we are to you?” He drawled and despite the almost seductive tenor of his tone i could hear the undercurrent of fury behind it.

“You’re being unfai-” I stopped breathing as he snarled , teeth closing over my throat , just shy of actually sinking in. i shut my eyes , my fingers clenching into fists as i willed myself not to burst into tears. I’d never been more terrified in my life.

“Am I? I’ve lived in this preserve all my life , Yoon Mi Rae ssi... Not one wolf has propositioned to me or behaved in an unseemly way  but every time i visit your mainland..” He made a noise of disgust.” Your women throw themselves at me like flies.” 

i’m not one of them!!, i thought miserably.

 “Let me go.” I shuddered out, voice barely a whisper and he chuckled, pulling away a bit. I stayed still as he stepped back fully, moving away and staring at me.

“Quit the job and get off the island. This isn’t the place for you. ” He said sharply. 

“Tell your daughter i said hi. And that I’m glad she’s nothing like her rude , obnoxious father!!! ” i snapped, because apparently, i was suicidal. 

Taehyung stopped to throw me a glare before turning on his heel and stalking away. i watched him disappear into the night before slowly sinking to the forest floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“.... do you think that humans in the preserve are in some way contributing to the deterioration of the community?” 

Taehyung took a deep breath.

“i think, every community needs to reach within itself and build and find its own stability. Wolves have been suppressed and denied opportunities for centuries. Most of the time, the excuse is that we aren’t meant to mingle with humans because of our dangerous attributes. By that logic, there’s really no reason why there should be humans employed at the preserve. But mostly, I think there are several qualified wolves who could take up the three posts currently held by himans at the research center alone. If you don’t want us in your space, you need to at least let us take control of our own....”

The interviewer nodded, making notes. “understandable. What about the current strain of influenza going around... It seems to be targeting lycanthropes in particular. “

Taehyung nodded.

“it’s quite unfortunate. Most of the affected cases are young pups. Humans themselves act as carriers without displaying any symptoms, so there’s another reason, humans ought to be kept away from the preserve. At least till this whole thing is resolved....”

“There’s talk about this strain of flu being man-made...” The interviewer said softly.

Taehyung shrugged.

“i don’t have any proof for such claims” He said quickly but next to him Seo Joon piped up. 

“ Well,  if certain factions of the human race did decide to develop some deadly viral strain as some kind of biological weapon against my people....well....it wouldn't be the first time would it?”

  The crowd went into a frenzy, muttering excitedly and Tahyung flinched. He didn’t want people to start attacking each other. Seo Joon wasn’t a pacifist like him. The dude wanted a full fledged war. Taehyung wanted no part of his aggressive attack. 

He stayed quiet for the rest of the interview while Seo joon rallied about how humans were responsible for the deterioration of the preserve. 

When the program ended and he began to leave the studio, he found Jimin waiting for him near the door.

“That was a bad idea.” His friend said quietly. 

Taehyung sighed. 

“Seo Joon is one the most respected men out there. i can’t antagonize him. At least till i win....”

“There are violent factions everywhere Tae... do you really want to fuel a full out war between us and the humans?”  

Taehyung brushed aside his concerns.

“i just want them out of the preserve. And most of them have left. There’s still just a few foolish stragglers. In a way i hope this motivates them to leave. ” 

His mind flashed back to her..

To those, wild brown eyes, whiskey deep and scared, her fear so tangible and real that it had appealed to ever base instinct in him. the wolf in him had preened at the idea of being feared....

And the way  her silky smooth hair looked as it flowed over shoulders, the pale, fragile perfection of her body, the smooth unblemished skin that had felt like silk under his lips. How tempting it had been, pressing her up against that wall, that insatiable urge to just sink his teeth in and bite and turn and claim....

He shook his head to clear that thought. He wasn’t attracted to her as a person. it was just the way she seemed to carry herself, like the perfect prey....

“i still think that idiot  should have worded that better.” Jimin shook his head.

Taehyung shrugged.  He didn’t want to talk about Seo Joon. 

“Let’s go get something to eat. Drinks on me.” He smiled, slinging a hand over his friend’s shoulder.

Jimin sighed but acquiesced, letting him lead him to the glittering black Bugatti near the parking lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a little past one in the morning when Taehyung finally reached the pier, ready to take his personal boat to the island when he noticed the commotion near the loading dock. 

He felt his eyes widen, when he saw a couple of humans, looking frazzled and upset as they climbed out of the ferry.

“what’s going on?” He asked his skipper urgently and the man looked up from where he was lifting the anchor.

“There’s been some sort of riot on the island, sir. some of the wolves got together and tried to attack the humans in the research center.” He said casually.

Taehyung felt his heart leap into his throat.

“What?” He croaked. 

“Yeah, they got all of them off i think. The wolves are nearly feral with anger out there. Something about the research people being the reason the kids were sick in the first place...that they were the ones who brought them to the preserve in the first place...”

Oh fuck.

Oh  fuck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She wasn’t there.

 Taehyung went through the two halls where all the humans from the preserve were sitting. once. Twice. And then again. 

 They were all wet and shivering, clutching their meager possessions and looking lost but he couldn’t focus on any of them. He tried to catch her scent, that soft buttery smell of cinnamon and lavender... but it wasn’t there. 

She wasn’t there. 

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to bring himself to think. 

Seo Joon. He had to call Seo joon.

“Hello...” Seo Joon sounded groggy. 

“Mirae’s still on the island.” He choked out.

Seo Joon groaned.

“Who?” He croaked.

“Yoon Mi Rae....that  tech from the research center.” 

Seo joon scoffed.

“That little lab rat? Didn’t she get on the ferry that was carting all the rest of the vermin back to the mainland?” Seo Joon sounded bored.

“She isn’t here, Seo joon..this is your fault. You shouldn’t have talked that shit on  TV..... you need to go find her and make sure she’s safe...I’m coming over...” Taehyung snapped. 

Seo Joon made a noise of impatience.

“I’m sleeping Tae. And besides, if she stayed behind, she’s probably been ripped to shreds by now. Serves the little bitch right.” 

Taehyung felt the blood freeze in his veins. 

“Seo joon, we can’t let a human get hurt under our watch.” He said shakily. 

“Really? why the fuck not... it isn’t like they have any qualms about hurting our kind. its her own damn fault, coming here and acting like she’s fucking mother Teresa...I hope they fucking ravaged her. Should be a nice message to any other fool that wants to come traipsing into our land..” 

Taehyung realized he couldn’t speak sense to the man. He hung up quickly, calling for him chuffeur. There was not enough time to take the boat... 

“Lee?” He said sharply. “ I’m gonna need the chopper.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He found her in her cabin, tied up and tossed in a corner while some of the betas shifted around the entrance. They had been growling and gnashing their teeth when he had arrived but some kind of restraint had kept them from actually killing her. 

But they hadn’t left her unscathed.

 Taehyung tried not to let his claws pop, his eyes taking in the way she looked.

Her clothes were torn off and she had clearly been sleeping when they’d broken into the cabin , dressed as she was in a tattered white t shirt , plain white panties and mismatched socks. Her jaw was bruised, a trickle of blood dried down her chin. Her left eyes was swollen shut and her breathing was ragged and came in short, painful little rasps and it clearly hurt her which meant that she definitely had a few broken ribs. 

Fuck. Fuck. 

“This wasn’t right.” He said sharply and the betas cowered. 

“She’s the reason the pups are sick...” one of the men said and the others mumbled their assent. 

“Where is the proof?” Taehyung snapped.” We do not mete out punishments when there is no proof. We’re better than that.” 

The betas shifted guiltily and the stench of wolfsbane made him sigh. They were mostly drunk.

“Get out of here. The whole lot of you and get ready to get carted off to prison tomorrow when she presses charges.”

He watched them leave, waiting for the last wolf to leave before turning to her. 

She was staring at him with her one good eye. 

“You gonna...” She began and then stopped, shutting her eyes in pain. “ tell me you told me so...” 

She was clearly in agony, the putrid stench of her pain filled the room and Taehyung couldn’t breathe.

“you need to get to the hospital.” He muttered, frozen in place. She sighed.

“Can’t... Don’t want anyone...to know.” 

He stared at her.

“Mi rae...”

“itll make things worse....for your kind.... “ She rasped out. “ Won’t press charges...”

He couldn’t believe her.

“You’re willing to not press charges...?” He said slowly.

She sighed and nodded a little.

“Please help me.”She said softly and his heart lurched.

He moved quickly, crouching next to her and popping his claw to cut through the ropes binding her. She fell into his chest at once, crying out in pain when he gripped her arms to steady her. 

“It’s okay... I got you...” He said softly, loosening his hold and cradling her in his arms. She blinked at him.

“i don’t have anyone.” She said suddenly.

“What?”

“Family. i don’t have anyone.... You need... You need to let me stay with you. Till i get better...Can’t let anyone know....what happened....” She whispered.

He was nodding before the words even registered. Staring into her eyes, he felt like he could have agreed to any damn thing she’d ask him. 

She nodded and then closed her eyes.

“i’m gonna sleep now.” She said weakly. 

And then went limp in his arms. 

Fuck.

 Fuck.