#dude for real wtf why did John have to get murdered?!

[iggydustmop]

McLennon things that I think about a lot and feel as though I have no one to tell them to:

There’s an interview with Paul where he’s talking about the meaning behind “This One,” trying to say it was written from George’s perspective about John’s death. (Which…yah, sure Jan.) He talks about how he’d written it for George, because Paul and John had “really made things up and gotten our relationship back on track in the w—months leading up to his death.”

What’s weird about this is the fact that it directly contradicts what he says in later years, that he and John hadn’t spoken in about a year, that they hadn’t seen each other in four years.

There’s other sources that say they’d actually booked studio time together for January of 1981, too.

There’s enough evidence that says the two of them absolutely met up after 1976, that they were talking regularly on the phone in the months and weeks leading up to his death, and that there was a reunion scheduled for the following month. Another interesting thing of note is James McCartney stating he remembered being held by John at the Dakota - but he was born in 76, so how would he remember that if Paul hadn’t seen John since then, supposedly?

So why does Paul downplay his relationship with John (friendship or otherwise) in the last few years of John’s life? Why does he make it sound like they were merely friendly acquaintances at the end?

—

I also just heard John’s first demo of “Real Love,” the one where he talks about the “baby just born and another on the way,” supposedly after having read the pregnancy announcement of Paul & Linda expecting James. He ends it “I should call him” (admittedly I’m paraphrasing.)

—

I had the pleasure of getting to see Paul McCartney in Mexico City on 12 November, and it was absolutely amazing. It did not go unnoticed that he came out on stage waving a giant rainbow flag, and then said, “this here is my favorite part of the show, and soon you’ll see why,” before launching into the duet with John on “I’ve Got a Feeling.” I wonder what broke loose in the last few years to have him be such an openly sentimental sap about John these days? Not that I’m complaining! He also played “Here Today,” and “Now and Then,” and I cried like a damn baby.

Lennon McCartney is the greatest tragic love story only partially told. I hope someday it gets told, but I also understand we’re not fundamentally owed anything.

I hope the afterlife is real, if only so they can see each other again.

[doctorstrangereview]

Strange Tales #115

Cover Date: December 1963 On-Sale Date: September 10, 1963

At this point, there are no more interruptions. Doc's stories are published up to the point Strange Tales ends by splitting into to books. This is a very special story. It tells us how Doctor Strange got the way he is, why his relationship with fellow student Mordo is so troublesome, and, most importantly, why he seems to have a short fuse from time to time. Also, from this point on, Doc's adventures will consume a growing page count of the magazine. In this case he eats three pages from the Human Torch story as his adventures grow from five to eight pages.

The splash page (not just a panel this time) shows us a slight change to his design. Docs face is a bit smoother and more handsome than his first three stories, but still has the Mr. Spock eyebrows. Was the makeup artist on Star Trek a Doctor Strange fan?

As Doctor Strange is already an established presence in prior issues, this whole story is a flashback. We begin with a haggard figure entering a mysterious chamber in INDIA! (The Ancient One's retreat was in Tibet in the previous two issues. Does it move around like John Constantine's House of Mystery in the Justice League Dark animated movie or The Beast's fortress in the movie Krull?)

When Ditko draws backgrounds in this story they are absolutely gorgeous, despite the limitations of the small size and printing techniques used at the time. He takes a shortcut here and there with blank backgrounds, but it all works well.

Our haggard figure, the pre-Master of the Mystic Arts Doctor Strange, stumbles into The Ancient One's chamber. (Yup, no security. The place is huge and practically deserted. Not even some mystical alarms in case a psychotic murderer wanders in.) He immediately demands The Ancient One bless him with his healing power.

The Ancient One, wearing an absolutely lovely purple gown with cool pointed shoulders and an even more fetching crown than the previous issue, says "Hey, wait a minute! You gotta be worthy to be healed by me!" And then proceeds to probe his mind without any consent. The first thing we learn is his first name: Stephen.

What does The Ancient One see? The good doctor was an incredible brilliant, successful, arrogant and selfish neurosurgeon. He was a real asshole with no interest in helping his fellow humans unless they could pay his tab. This is really the coldest he's been portrayed in any version of his origin. Even the MCU Doctor Strange has some sense of responsibility to those who need his skills. Karma was a real bitch to the good doctor. He gets into a severe car accident that, of course, damages the nerves in his hands so he's unable to hold a scalpel steady enough to operate, effectively ending his career. He is also too arrogant to use his skills in other areas or consult for other doctors. He feels this is beneath him. Instead, he spends his entire fortune on attempts to cure his condition which all fail. Depressed and despondent he becomes a drifter and overhears a couple of sailors talking about a mysterious man named The Ancient One who could cure anything. Doc spends the last of his money to travel to, well, wherever The Ancient One's home is and ask/demand a cure.

The old man isn't impressed. "You too selfish, dude! No way I'm wasting my power on you! This is why you're gonna be a dick to a cab driver in London in a few years! But, maybe there's a bit of you that ain't an asshole. If we can work on that maybe you can find your cure. Study my feet. Whoops! I mean study at my feet! It's another old mystic guru that has a foot fetish."

Doc is all WTF? "You old fraud! Wait, when did this snow get here? Did you do that? No, wait, you're a fraud. You couldn't have." The Ancient One replies: "Naturally, man of the wester world, you must not allow yourself to believe in magic! It would be... unseemly!" This is the closest we ever get to The Ancient One cracking a joke.

Doc realizes he's stuck there until the snow melts and The Ancient One introduces him to his student, Mordo. Perhaps titles of nobility are verboten in the yet-to-be-named Kamar Taj. Doc wonders around the giant, weird palace mainly being bored and laughing at Mordo as he studies.

While aimlessly wondering around while bored, Doc wanders by The Ancient One's formal throne room. (It'll be about a decade before we see the casual one again.) Out of nowhere, smoke appears and attacks the old man. This is an important moment. "The Vapors of Valtorr!! I am being attacked by an unseen enemy!!" Why is this important? This is the first mention of one of the many cleverly and oddly named patron entities in the series! Stan was writing all the dialogue at this point so these names are most likely his creation.

The Ancient One calls on more entities: the powers of the Vishanti, the Dread Dormammu and the all-seeing Agamotto. The smelly vapors vanish in a flash of light. Unfortunately, The Ancient One loses his crown. I hope it wasn't damaged when it fell off his head. (This also happened in the first Mordo story when he gets poisoned by his servant. It may explain the multitude of headgear.) The Ancient One is worse for the wear after the brief but fierce battle and Doc shows a bit of humanity by being concerned for the old man's health. He tells Doc that he can't rest until he finds a successor.

The snows have nearly melted and Doc is getting ready to leave. He walks past Baron Mordo doing something evil over a little statue of The Ancient One. He's also calling on Dormammu. This reveals a conflict with the previous story where Doctor Strange he suspected Mordo was evil. Here we see he knew it definitively from the start.

Mordo can't risk getting caught so he casts a spell on the doctor so he's unable to talk about the situation. Even thinking about Mordo causes an electric shock like an shock collar. Walking around some more, he sees Mordo being obsequious to The Ancient One, and in another display of not being a total dick tries to figure out a way to warn the old man. He realizes that Mordo can't completely silence him as that would be suspicious. He can talk of other things. "Righteous old dude! I changed my mind. I want to study your feet. Whoops! At your feet!"

"At last I've reached the real Dr. Strange! Let me relieve you of what's left of Mordo's nasty spell." "You knew?" "Of course!" The Ancient One then goes on to explain his godfather like wisdom of keeping his friends close and his enemies even closer. Doc then spends years studying with the old man (and Mordo) bringing us back to the present day.

There's a lot to unpack here. This is probably one of the more original origin stories. Up to this point most of the Marvel heroes have gotten their powers by accident. The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man and the Hulk were exposed to radiation. Thor stumbled across the disguised Mjolnir in a cave while on vacation. The X-Men were born with their powers. Iron Man is the closest analog of seeking out the power voluntarily. In Tony Stark's case it was to save his life after being wounded. In Doc's case it was to save his career, a somewhat more selfish motive. Iron Man's mission developed as time passed while Doc was aware of the burden of his responsibility from the get go. We get a lot in this story: Character development and growth for Strange, the introduction of magical entities, more visually spectacular magic, no ghostly fisticuffs.

We also get this. The almost final version of The Symbol of the Vishanti which will adorn many things in the series for decades to come, including Doc's mansion which hasn't been seen from the outside yet.

[dragonnan]

In light of the disgraceful and asinine decision to cancel Prodigal Son, what are some other shows that make your list of “WTF WHY WERE THESE CANCELLED????????”

Here’s some of mine (and I’m nearly half a century old so I may go back before some ya’ll were born...)

Early Edition (CBS 1996-2000):  Starring Kyle Chandler, Shanésia Davis-Williams, Fisher Stevens, Kristy Swanson, and Billie Worley.  Gary Hobson was just a regular dude when one day he got a paper (and a cat) at his door.  Thing is, this paper has tomorrow’s news.  The character of Gary has a little bit of a Peter Parker flavor to him - this guy who loves his city (Chicago) and wants to save everyone.  As the series goes on, he starts to realize the awful truth that sometimes he’s going to be too late.  As well, the stress of managing daily rescues means he’ll never be able to miss a day because someone could die.  That doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried getting rid of the paper a few times.  Two episodes stand out to me in particular.  The first is where Gary fails to save someone and they fall to their death.  Gary himself, later, will end up in a life and death situation and is faced with whether or not he even wants to live.  Another episode has Gary repeating the same day, over and over, as he desperately tries to stop his friend from getting killed - only to fail every time.

Invisible Man (SciFi Network 2000-2002): Starring Vincent Ventresca, Paul Ben-Victor, Eddie Jones, Shannon Kenny and Michael McCafferty.  Darien Fawkes was a fairly successful cat burglar (think Scott Lang) until he was finally caught by police.  However, instead of being locked away he was handed over to his older brother; a scientist working on some top secret, and highly dubious, experiments.  Darien became the guinea pig - implanted with a gland that can flush the body with a compound called Quicksilver - which turns anyone with the gland invisible.  Sadly, before further research can be done, Darien’s brother is murdered and he’s left alone - stuck with this gland he barely understands.  Worse still, the gland comes with a nasty side effect.  It slowly turns the user insane.  Long story short, Darien is captured/recruited by another top secret agency funded by the government.  Their doctor/scientist did some preliminary research on the gland and was able to develop a sort of stop gap injection to help control the side effects of the gland.  It is a painful but necessary treatment but accidents can still happen - such as over using the gland which means a quicker build-up of toxins in the system.  So Darien was given a tattoo (LIKE THOSE COLOR CHANGE PICTURES ON COFFEE MUGS hahahaha!) that will gradually change color the more the toxins build up (guys this is fucking scifi - don’t ask how the hell that works like this is a series about an invisible dude, okay??).  ANYWAY TL;DR Darien is partnered with a former CIA agent and the two of them chase bad guys and it’s awesome and whumpy as fuck and basically was cancelled cause the show blew its special effects budget.   

Moonlight (SyFy 2007-2008):  Starring Alex O'Loughlin, Sophia Myles, Jason Dohring, and Shannyn Sossamon.  The series is about a private investigator named Mick St. John who, among other thing, is also a vampire.  Mick ends up working with a reporter named Beth Turner as the two of them investigate various crimes.  What I really love is the spin on the usual sorta vampire mythology.  Mick is able to go out in sunlight (though within reason. Too long - too hot and he can get really sick or even die).  Getting a stake to the heart isn’t fatal but it does cause paralysis and hurts like fuck.  Silver CAN be fatal as it acts like a poison.  Fire is absolutely fatal as it will turn exposed vampires to ash.  On top of all that vampires can get triggers of the past via the blood they ingest (think iZombie) or even through scent.  Also some vampires have “gifts” - like there are some who don’t burn when exposed to fire.  Part of their culture, and what keeps them protected from exposure to humanity, are the “Cleaners”.  Cleaners (like the Blacklist) will get rid of all evidence of vampire activity such as dead vampires or humans killed by rogues.  And that’s another thing.  Vampire hierarchy is very important.  Vampires who create other vampires are referred to as Sires and their turned “offspring” are called fledglings.  Whatever gift the sire has they will pass on to their fledglings.  Sadly there was only 1 season of this series so there is a TON of mythology that was never explored but they managed to pack a whole lot into that 1 season.    

Lie to Me (Fucking Fox 2009-2011): Starring Tim Roth, Kelli Williams, Brendan Hines, Monica Raymund, and Hayley McFarland.  Dr. Cal Lightman is the founder of a company with highly skilled “human lie detectors”.  The series is based on the real world work of Paul Ekman, who is a specialist in detecting micro-expressions.  The series itself deals with various criminals and members of the group, primarily Lighman, sussing out the lies from the truth.  It also has one of my absolute favorite parent and child relationships between Cal and his daughter.

Whitechapel (BBC 2009-2013): Starring Rupert Penry-Jones, Phil Davis, and Steve Pemberton.  Sorta like a low budget X-Files (no offense!)  It’s creepy and mysterious with elements of supernatural happenings mixed with investigations in the area of Whitechapel.  It all has to do with murders that reflect Jack the Ripper.  

[adam-is-suffering]

Homestuck Day 11 ------ part 2

Dialogues are so long you can tell theres a big difference in length between this post and the one before it jesus christ

Anyways

Its Dave. Missed you, my guy.

Even if its been like idk, 15 pages, I still missed my homie.

Indulge him, John. This happens every single time. You always ignore his attempts at getting your attention 😔

John you literally joked about ending the world and there being a meteor named after you before you knew it was literally going to happen, so I don’t exactly expect Dave to believe you

John: Dude you don’t even believe me about my current situation and you don’t even care that Im in trouble smh fake friend

Also John: Im not actually going to talk to you about it, and I will evade every conversations with you whenever the topic finally gets discussed because Im busy, so technically you have no idea whats going on currently and I havent explained it so I just expect you to believe my one sentence of “Im getting blown up” even after joking about it ok bye

John is getting blown up and Dave is like, huh perfect time to rap about this

Which is the obvious response. What friend would you be if you didn’t do this?

Oh god oh fuck, he’s going off, he really did it, he’s really rapping about the end of the world and there’s no stopping this kid shit ah shit its the end for us oh god oh fuck

Is this what its like to be friends with a soundcloud rapper?

Dave what?

Dave, thats gay

Thats not how typos work dave, because since youre writing it still, you can.. Fix it...

Wait, is... he comparing them to Jesus?

Im not even sure this is english

Huh

Ok

Can I just say something?

Dave knows the cast of Armageddon and their roles a little too well in this rap. Because I kinda don’t remember the plot of Armageddon even having watched it, and I honestly completely forgot that Steve Buscemi was in the fucking thing in the first place, so honestly. I’m not saying Dave watched it but I want to believe he did. Either John made him, John talked about it so much to the point where Dave had to know what the hell he was talking about with the references (which also brings in the point that perhaps John talked about it so much that Dave knows the whole plot already from just that - more likely) OR he watched it ironically bc it was “bad”. But no matter the reason, I’m pretty sure after knowing John and his interests, Dave probably watched it at SOME point in time and then continued to talk about it bc he knows John likes it despite saying its for “irony”.

Aight lit, thats my hot take. Thats my headcanon. And with that, I’m out.

I stand with what I previously said.

I hope this is still part of the rap, or he’s just doing a rapping monologue. 

You know, Dave’s kind of great ngl

Dave’s not even subtle in his desire to talk with John

Also IM RIGHT, you see. Dave doesn’t even know wtf is going on because John Doesnt Fucking Talk To Him Unless Its About His Movies

No wonder hes whipped, and rapping about said movies

Soulless fucking John Im telling you

They’re really doing Dave dirty in the first acts of Homestuck, huh

Kid can’t even defend himself

Rose highjacked a car before, I’m like 100% certain of this

IM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF

Rip the car

Another retcon. Ill figure it out one day, Hussie. I fucking will. Watch me.

Im real sus

Im starting to feel so fucking bad for Dave, this kid is just getting shitted on left and right lmfao

AHA

I was getting bored of the red, purple and blue

Johns not gonna explain one bit of it, is he?

What did I FUCKING say

Wait. Does the dog fucking TALK???????????

She’s taking this rather smoothly for someone who just said they lost their car in a bottomless pit

“I can’t talk right now, Dave, I’m busy. I can’t explain jackshit to you bc itll take too long and I already gave u the basis. Oh? Whats this? Jade? Lol here lemme give you my whole life story”

Why does everyone fucking hate Dave?

I DONT GET IT???

I get he raps, but like.. we all have that one friend doesnt mean u gotta ignore :/

Im surprised John hasnt snapped yet from all this stress, I wonder how much he’s bottling in.

Oh. Okay. Okaokaok. So Jade is one of those Im so cute personality types but actually likes heavy metal and listening to murder podcasts on the down low, isnt she?

Honestly ngl, the cute but will murder you type characters are usually the most interesting to me. 

I mean. thats just me being a slut for character tropes 😔

Jesus, John, just ask him, I’m pretty sure he’d do anything if you just said smth about it

I can’t wait for someone to respect Dave Strider and his pining smh, but honestly itll only happen with one person and that person will most likely be Jade Harley bc she doesnt see the worst in anybody and thats why Im liking her rn

Rose will call bullshit and John just doesnt give a fuck

N e ways. When are we getting dialogues that arent exclusively with John?

[shooting-the-walls]

OKAY SO I watched abominable bride for the first time in while. These are the notes I made throughout it

• The whole montage

• ThE thEME tUNe

• Benedict's posher accent

• MRS HUDSON: WE STAN A QUEEN

• The way John says "Holmes": synonymous with "watch it bitch"

• "...abandoned you for an unsavoury companion of dubious morals": SHERLOCK SWEETIE NO

• Mary: ONCE AGAIN WE STAN A QUEEN

• Lestrade needing a fucking drink is such a mood

• Parts of it sound so scripted (e.g the scene in the morgue with Holmes and Watson's first meeting): evidence early on of it being in his mind palace? Sherlock knows it has to go in a certain way, not quite sure how to go about creating such a vivid image? Gets more natural as the episode goes on

• The way Sherlock stops playing the violin so abruptly when John and Mary are arguing: HE'S SUCH A SWEETIE JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T TAKE IT

• "Needs must where the devil drives, Watson"

• "Votes for Women!" "For or against?" "GET OUT." SUCH A QUEEEEEEEN

• "What friend?" "ENGLAND." "....Well that's not very specific" XD

• "Stranger things have happened." "*sigh* Such as?" ".....stranger.... things..?"

• Molly Hooper getting ahead in life YES

• Sherlock being so unaware of how he acts

• *clicks* "COULD IT BE TWINS" (p1)

• "A secret twin?" (p2)

• "IT's nEvER tWiNS"

• "Now that's daddy's gone": OI OI SHERLOCK YOU KINKY LITTLE SHIT

• Sherlock panic-cramming about the Obliquity of the Ecliptic because he wants to impress Mycroft is such a mood

• "Didn't Doctor Watson move out a few months ago"......"That chair is definitely empty" "*sadness* It is isn't it?": SHERLOCK WHYYYYYYY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT

• "I shall have a word with my wife to have a word with you": why do I get a feeling that Mary will just high five the servant girl like "Yas queen"

• "We are on our way to see someone cleverer than you" "Shut up"

• THE WHOLE SIGNING SCENE OMG

• THE ELBOW IN THE SIDE XD

• "I am glad you liked my potato" XD

• "Sorry wot" *thumbs up*

• FATCROFT

• Pretty sure this is what Sherlock wants to be able to do with Mycroft in real life: so much banter but he's still such a bitch XD

• *on the enemies": "socialists?" "Anarchists?" "The French?" "Suffragists?" "The Scots?" "Ooo, sounds Serbian"

• Mycroft: "Are there any large body of people you aren't concerned about?"

Watson: NEVER

• I swear to God Watson is all of Holmes' self control XD

• I would have hated being a woman in 1895: imagine wearing a full fucking dress at breakfast!?!?!?!?!?

• I mean talk about low budget creepy horror movie vibes with Lady Carmichael's narrative lol

• Pretty sure the Bride when she's moving is an old Weeping Angel prop from Doctor Who XD

• "Should probably-" "DEFINITELY" "Definitely avoid that"

• Mary being a double agent for Mycroft

• The comments on the train about Watson convincing the world: SHERLOCK WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SELF ESTEEM

• "There are no ghosts in this world: save the one we make for ourselves"

• SHERLOCK STANDING UP FOR LADY CARMICHAEL YAAAAS

• I'm sorry but Sherlock stop giving shade to the man whose life you were supposed to be saving XD

• IN THE GLASS GREENHOUSE OMG THE TAAAAAAAAALK

• "Have patience, Watson": HAH SAYS YOU SHERLOCK

• Sherlock basically saying "dude you're the one who knows about girls I'm gay as fuck"

• HANG ON the fact that he uses the modern picture of Irene Adler???? Sherlock your mind palace is starting to slip again.

• "You waited until I was asleep and looked at it" ".....I did" WATSON YOU LITTLE SNEAK

• "Under no competition whatsoever": OH SHERL YOUR SELF ESTEEM DUDE

• I love Sherlock's two sides represented by Holmes and Watson arguing with each other. Like it's the perfect representation of the conflict Sherlock must go through with his emotions

• "I made me.... Redbeard?" OH GOD HE'S REMEMBERING IT SOMEONE SEND HELP

• AND THE FACT HE DISTRACTS HIMSELF BY MAKING THE GHOST APPEAR

• Lady Carmichael totally represents Sherlock's guilt. Nobody can convince me otherwise. "You promised to keep him safe, you promised...." why can I see him saying that to himself after everything that happened with Mary? Like he promised himself that he'd keep John safe, and that's why he jumped and ran off for two years, and then he completely overlooks the fact John's wife was an assassin and then she shot him and everything and Sherlock felt guilty

• And he blames HIMSELF (note how Holmes and Watson represent Sherlock's two sides) for Sir Eustace's death: could Sir Eustace represent someone else?? Another murder or situation perhaps??

• OMG MORIARTY'S NOOOOOOOOTE: Sherlock is so shooketh when he sees that

• AND it's after that that the cracks start to appear. Modern phrases, the "hhhhhow", reminded himself of the list: he managed to shake himself up so much with just the MEMORY of Moriarty that he begins to lose his already tenuous grip on the reality he's created for himself

• "Pure reason topped by sheer melodrama, your life in a nutshell": SO TRUE

• OMG HE REMINDS HIMSELF OF THE LIST HE'S SO PRECIOUS

• "I haven't finished yet": SHERLOCK WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

• With the reporters: "why do you make them tea?" "I don't know. I just sort of do": LINK to 'The Sign of Three' and the morning tea

• "....The devil. I wouldn't be surprised, we get all sorts round here"

• OKAY GUYS MORIARTY'S HERE EVERYONE STAY CALM

• The dressing gown comment XD

• Andrew Scott is such a fucking queen and he makes such a creepy Moriarty and I FUCKING LOVE IT

• I love how creepy Moriarty is in Sherlock's mind palace. Like this is Sherlock's true perception of Moriarty as an enemy

• "We don't needs toys to kill each other where's the intimacy in that" OI OI BOYS

• THE SHAAAAAAAKING

• Can we just talk about how beautifully the transitions are? Like how they show the turbulence and Sherlock's own mind trying to drag him out of his mind palace but Sherlock stubbornly holds on because he needs to know

• HE JUST WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I FEEL SO SORRY FOR HIM SUCH A SWEETIE

• THE CRAAAAAaaaater talk about the CGI

• "Maybe I could backcomb": DUDE THE BACK OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD WAS BLOWN OFF

• "It's not the fall that kills you Sherlock. It's not the fall, never the fall. It's the landing!"

• BOOM BACK TO MODERN DAY

• EYY CURLY HAIR IS BACK

• The fact that Mycroft knows immediately what's going on: it's so sad but it's so poignant that he's clearly been through this before

• HE WAS READING JOHN'S BLOG. JOHNLOCK FOREVER

• "Did you make a list?"

• And the fact he tries to avoid it but he knows he can't: JOHN'S FACE WHEN HE READS THE LIST. What was on that thing???

• REQUEST FOR SEASON 5: what the fuck was "that day"? The fact there's a whole agreement?? I WANNA KNOW

• "I'm not an addict, I'm a user. I allievate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought processes"

• SHERLOCK AND MYCROFT ARE SO SARCY WITH EACH OTHER: "listen to me" "nope. It only encourages you"

• OH GOD NO NOW THERE'S BROTHERY FEELS MYC STOP

• "I should have realised. "Realised what?" "That for you solitary confinement is locking you up with your own worst enemy" JESUS THE FEELS

• Then straight back to Victorian. THE TRANSITIONS ARE SO SEAMLESS AND BEAUTIFUL

• The fact he reminds himself in his mind palace that he's an addict. Literally two minutes ago he was saying he wasn't an addict. SUCH LIIIIIEEEEEEES

• And he tells himself off so much and I love him but he just needs such a hug

• "For Mary always. Never that": the fact he's so willing to do anything for Mary just because John loves her, regardless of what Sherlock feels towards her. IF THAT ISN'T TRUE LOVE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS

• "You're Sherlock Holmes wear the damn hat"

• "Sherlock, tell me where my bloody wife is you pompous prick or I'll punch your lights out!": AGAIN showing the fragility of his mind palace

• "No not him, the clever one": AWWW HE REALLY DOES LOVE MYC

• "I was talking to Mary": NO YOU WEREN'T WATSON SHUT UP

• "Die to prove a point?": *ahem* Moriarty *ahem*

• OOO THE REVELATION OF HOOPER

• I feel so sorry for all of the women and how they've been marginalised

• OH HEY JANINE WHY ARE YOU HERE

• I mean I love what these women are doing but c'mon, killing them? Really? I totally agree cos they're bloody brutes but you could've tried not to break the law

• HE'S SO CONFIDENT GODDAMN BUT HE'S SO WRONG

• Moriarty once again reminding him (in a dress this time) that it's in his heaaaaaad

• "Speaking as a criminal mastermind we don't really have gongs"

• HEYYYY WE'RE BACK TO MODERN AGAIN

• I have a feeling that despite being completely under, Sherlock refused to let anyone but John touch him which was why John was checking him out despite the GMC discouraging doctors treating their friends/family

• He's talking so fast he's definitely still high

• "NO everyone always lets you do whatever you want, that's how you got in this state" damn that got hella real hella quick

• "He's right, you know." "So what if he's right, he's always right!" SHERLOCK YOUR LOVE FOR JOHN IS SHOWING

• *Mycroft standing with a torch watching them work hard" "I'm HELPING"

• The look Mycroft and Lestrade share: like "wtf have we gotten ourselves into" MYSTRADE

• "Still not awake, am I?" HE KNOWS YOU SEE

• We're at reichenbach: Sherlock's worst nightmare basically

• Moriarty even describes himself as a "virus" in a hard drive: Sherlock right there is admitting that Moriarty IS his weakness, that Moriarty stops him from being able to function at full capacity

• And then the fight: the fact Sherlock is losing so miserably

• "At the end it's always just you and me"

• WATSON YES THIS WAS WHEN YOU NEEDED TO ROCK UP

• "Pretty damn smart" AWWWW SHERL

• "Ugh why don't you two just elope already": I'm sorry but Moriarty is basically the fandom here XD

• "Actually, would you mind" "not at all" *dies from fangirl*

• "It was my turn": John just wanted to push Moriarty off of something XD

• John watching Sherlock jump off: "DO A FLIP!"

• "You probably just ODed?" "NO TIME"

• SHERLOCK HE CARES ABOUT YOU STOP BEING A BITCH

• "Look after him... please?": You see, Mycroft KNOWS. Up until 4-5 years ago, that was Mycroft's job, and you can just tell that he's not used to not being there. He's been caring for Sherlock for all of those years and he pretends to be so distant ("The Ice Man") but Sherlock is his weakness. Sherlock will always be his weakness. He obviously loves him (BROTHERLY WAY) so much and it HURTS how Sherlock just brushes him off

• The last little bit in Victorian London: still Sherlock's mind palace and coming down off the drugs still?? The fact that it's modern London outside of the window suggests that he's still in the mind palace where some of the hallucination (?) he'd been having is still lingering.

[tariqk]

So I watched Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker last night

TL;DR: Glad I got that out of the way.

Spoilers under the cut.

J.J. Abrams can’t write or direct to save his life. It was evident that he had a lot of help this time from an editing and pacing perspective, because 1) Rey and Kylo were put in a lightsaber battle on a place with ocean spray and she was wearing a white outfit and there were no gratuitous nipple shots, and 2) there seemed to be less of the classic Abrams fakeout than usual. Which means that there were still an egregious amount, but it felt like the other adults in the room reined him in.

Even despite all of that? The end result was mostly… bland, apart from the few moments of outrage, annoyance, and occasionally (occasionally) squealing joy.

I’ll get to the parts I did like first:

Wedge Antilles (played by Denis Lawson) makes a very brief cameo. Like, a very brief cameo. I still squealed.

The OT3 moments between Rey, Finn and Poe were real. I knew I was being pandered to, but if there’s an AU where the three of them don’t settle in the old Skywalker ranch, where Finn plays the oblivious hot homesteading dad that everyone wants to bang, Poe’s the crusty old smuggler with a paramour in every spaceport, and Rey becomes the cranky old uncle with a gaggle of Force-sensitive children, apprentices, and droids I will scream.

Okay, it’s nice that Finn gets to bond with more ex-stormtroopers. I’d have liked to see more, but this was good. Maybe Finn can start group therapy sessions with former ex-child-soldiers and stuff.

It’s also nice that we get Finn as the secondary Force-Sensitive character in the movie! He’s not going to be the Jedi, but he’s definitely taking on the role of the Leia. And it’s also nice that everyone secretly wants to bang him treats him like a respected, even natural leader!

The reason why Zorri was so willing to help Poe and his gang was so obviously because she was gay for Rey. GAY FOR REY! GAY FOR REY! GAY FOR REY! (Honestly I don’t see the point, Rey’s such a skinny white girl and there were major vibes of that in that once-every-42-years festival scene)

The actors did great despite the limitations of the script. Yes, even Adam Driver. But to call out, specifically: John Boyega, Daisy Ridley, Dominic Monaghan, Kelly Marie Tran, Oscar Isaac, Ian McDarmid, Billy Dee Williams, Domnhall Gleeson (Hux Spite 110% 5eva lmaooo), Anthony Daniels, Naomi Ackie, Keri Russell, Mark Hamill, and Carrie Fischer, god rest her soul. All of you were amazing and did a great job despite the crap materials you were saddled with.

That’s about it honestly. It’s honestly evident that JJ Abrams made this movie to be sliced up into a series of awesome movie clips from the movie, because the movie is jam-packed with all of them. But put together the way it was in the cinema, it all blended into this bland, empty experience. 

Like, honestly… my bladder was so full that I had to go to the can, got lost a bit, peed up a storm, and wash my hands, came back and I honestly can say that I didn’t miss a damn thing. You could see where things were going. Rey would keep wandering off by herself and experience Force visions. There’d be a terrible tragedy that would be a fakeout that would be undercut by subsequent scenes. Kylo Ren would look all wooby while gaslighting the shit out of Rey.

That being said… fuck the kiss, man. Fuck the kiss. I loathe Reylo so I’m biased as hell, but even if I was, can you honestly expect me to believe that someone as violent, abusive, and gaslighting like Kylo Ren just had to believe that his momma still loved him before he’d turn back to the light? The fucker, who massacres entire villages, was responsible for the genocide of billions, murders the shit out of everyone, subjects his subordinates to Force and lightsaber-based abuse, just needed to know that momma loved him? This man ran a lightsaber through his daddy’s gut, the same daddy who loved and trusted him so much that he literally risked his ass (and paid dearly for it) to try and tell him that he and his momma loved him very much despite all the shit he pulled? All he needed was the love of his Sainted Mother (RIP Carrie you will be missed) who had to die for him to get the message? And for that he gets smoochies with Rey and then gets to pass into the Force?

Fuck that. I hope he never comes back, good riddance.

That being said, Adam Driver is an excellent actor, able to portray both Kylo Ren (who is a terrible person) and Ben Solo (who is an uncertain child in a grown man’s skin) amazingly well. It’s just that… when he’s in Ben Solo mode, I can’t help but notice his giant nose. Like you don’t notice it when he’s being a gaslighting, abusive dipshit, I guess? But when he’s the lost, uncertain boy who’s forced to grow up too fast through associating with abusive persons? That nose just like, grows three sizes or some shit. I don’t understand it, but there you have it.

And it’s also nice that Lando Calrissian, the token Black dude in the original series, remains literally the last surviving member of the gang. Well, other than Chewie. WHO NEEDS A PROPER MEDAL CEREMONY WTF.

Also, Rose Tico got done dirty in this episode. MORE ROSE TICO! Ian McDarmid also was amazing, despite the fact that for most of the movie he was tethered to a massive cybernetic machine as zombie Emperor Palpatine. I have no opinions about Rey being a Palpatine. It honestly doesn’t matter. When the reveal happened I kind of shrugged and moved on. Doesn’t matter, she’s her own person. The fact that she can do the whole Force Lightning shit? Who gives crap, man! Darksiders can all do that, it’s classic Dark Side Force User power, it’s hardly signature to Palpatine though Abrams tried to make it so (remember that Count Dooku could do it). Evil!Rey was pretty good, though. I loved that feral smile. Too bad it was a Force image and there wasn’t a real personality behind it.

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E1

LADIES AND GENTLE-PEOPLE, IT HAS ARRIVED!

We have waited almost 2/3 of a year for the final season to start airing.  Cue a sigh of relief from the eager audience.

I was a lucky son of a duck and managed to get this reaction while the episode was airing live on FOX.  This will hopefully also happen for the next episode but for episodes 3-12, I will be waiting for Hulu to receive because of an upcoming spring semester at college.  So for episodes 3-12, I will be in the dark until Friday or Saturday (so no spoilers from y’all).

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.   Also my youngest brother stepped in for a spell, so some of his comments are included.

Oooohhhhh, here we go.

*jaw utterly drops at the time card showing up*

*claps excitedly and snaps fingers toward my sister when “We’ll Meet Again” by Vera Lynn starts playing*

391?  Wait, is this a flash forward?!?

*crosses arms in anticipation*

*Oswald’s men give him his red sunglasses*  Yesss!!

*chuckles*  Harvey!  Choose your best beer to go to battle with.  Yes!

*Jim suits up*  Yee-eesss!

*leans forward and covers mouth in shock when Jim, Harvey, Oswald, and Ed walk to battle together*

Oh my God...

“For Gotham.”  :O

*puts hands on head in shock*  Oh my God, we’re opening with that-

*Opening title*  OH MY GOD!

*jaw drops in shock when Oswald tests one of the guns from the factory*

*Scarecrow and his men crucify a man*  :O

“And to date, there have no confirmed sightings of Jeremiah Valeska.”  *smiles*

“No one is allowed in or out of Gotham.”  My brother, who has never seen this show before:  Wait, so if all power is down and no one can leave... so like, how do they go pee?

Me:  Outside?  Yeah, that’s a good question.  They probably just revert back to the 1920s:  they just pee or whatever and throw it outside.

My brother:  (whispers) OMINOUS RADIO STATIC

Me:  *cackles*

*Jim Gordon appears*  My brother:  Look, it’s Batman.

Me:  He [Ben McKenzie] did play Batman in one movie.

“Say it walking, putz.”  *chuckles*

“What did the Department of Douchebaggery say?”  *snorts*

*chuckles when we first meet Ed, who is sleeping on a couch*

Oh, I want that dog.

He [Ed] looks terrible.  That’s like if Count Olaf dyed his hair black and just wet it down.

 “What is he [Ed] doing?”  What’s your hair doing?

My brother:  Dye-ing inside?

“[Jim] You know you can get someone else to turn on the spotlight?”  “I like doing it.”  *smiles*

“The doctors say Selina’s situation is getting worse.”  *covers mouth*

“Are you [Bruce] sorry you stayed?” No.

“No.  You [Jim]?”  “Hell no.”  *grins*

“Tabby’s still --- after Penguin murdered Butch right in front of her, so it’ll have to be two thousands rounds.”  *grins*

*smiles when Barbara calls Tabitha “honey”*

“He’s [Oswald] gonna regret giving me [Tabitha] this [bullet].”  *silently*  Ooohhh...

*One of the officers at the border sees a shadow*  Man-Bat?

*gets spooked by Scarecrow’s jump scare*

*jaw drops in horror when the fear toxin starts working on the officer*

“See?  Ship shape and in Bristol fashion.”  *smiles*

“Lucius gave me [Bruce] something better.”  Night vision goggles?

*gasps when Scarecrow goes after Jim in the basement*

*laughing*  He’s [Jim] gonna beat him [Scarecrow] with a rod?!?

“Fear lives in darkness.”  My brother:  Apparently, he’s [Scarecrow] never seen Bird Box.

*jaw drops when Jim and Scarecrow fight*

*gasps when one of the gas pipes burst*

Oh that was cool.

“...they got the beans.”  *chuckles*

The one thing he’s [Harvey] upset about:  they got his beans.

*Bruce starts taking down Scarecrow’s goons one by one*  Oooohhhhhh hooooo....

“Scag?”  Scag?!?

HOW IS HE [Bruce] UP THERE?!?!?

*jaw drops when the lights abruptly turn back on*

My brother:  You have to understand, that dude’s [Bruce] blind now.  If he has true night vision goggles and the lights come on, you’re blind for at least like an hour now.

I forget that Jonathan’s a teenager in this show...

The cinematography so far is... awesome.

*during the commercials*  Oh my gosh, for the next ten episodes after this, I won’t be able to breathe like this.

“Tell them help is coming.  I’ll [Bruce] fly in supplies.”  Wha-

I like that they’ve already just acknowledged the fact that Bruce just does all these Stealth Hi-Byes whenever.

Even Lucius is like “Oh, helloooo...”

God, Bruce, oh my God... everyone’s just been through [the banger]...

“Doc says the surgery was a success.”  Yay!

“My [Selina’s] spine’s not gonna turn into jelly.”  *lifts hands in air and sighs in relief*  Yes!

“Still will never be able to walk again so-”  No.

“You know what’s funny?  Jeremiah shot me [Selina] to get to you [Bruce].”  *rolls eyes in frustration*

“After all the things I’ve done, what took me in was being your friend.”  We’re not doing this.

“I just wish Jeremiah killed me.”  We’re not doing this.  John Stephens, how dare you.

“Doctors can’t help her [Selina].  She needs the witch.”  Who the hell are you?!?

Who’s that lady?!?

Oh my God, are Oswald’s men gonna shoot down the chopper?

*One of the factory workers helps Oswald adjust his leg brace*  There we go.

*Oswald starts eating a fancy dinner at his desk*  Oh my God.

“OVERCOOKED!”  *just hopelessly shrugs*

[Edward the Bulldog] *gasps loudly and puts hands on head*  OH MY GODD!!

OH MY GOD!  DOG!  DOG DOG DOG!

*Oswald’s gun misfires*  Wha-

*Oswald hears the chopper*  Oh my God, he’s gonna shoot down the chopper!

Selina’s gonna end up like Tabitha once we get into the Batman era.

“Is that a chopper?”  Oh my God, everybody’s gonna be clamoring for that!

*The chopper gets shot down*  Called it!

Lo Boyz?  Wait, so if there’s like a Day of the Dead area, is there a Chinatown in Gotham?

AN:  Yes there is.

Alfred!

“Just keep an eye on things while I’m [Jim] gone.”  You’re gonna leave Alfred in charge of the GCPD?  The AU that could’ve been!

*A car comes into the wreck zone*  Oh no, it’s Oswald.

*gasps when Oswald’s men shoot the Lo Boyz at the crashed chopper*

“It is so good to see you, old friend [Jim].”  Why do you [Oswald] keep calling him that?!?

Who shot down the chopper?  Oh my God, did Tabitha shoot down the chopper?

Oh my God, Tabitha shot down the chopper to get to Oswald.  WHY?!?

*Tabitha holds Oswald in a choke hold*  Oh my God!

“I [Oswald] may have pulled the trigger, but you [Tabitha] killed Butch.”  *WTF*

*jaw drops in shock when Tabitha’s gun misfires*

*reels back in horror when Oswald stabs Tabitha to death*

*covers mouth in shock*

*keels over when commercials roll*

*to my dad, who just strolled in*  Congratulations Dad, you just witnessed a major character death!

My dad:  But is she really dead though?

Me:  Don’t do this to me.

*Camera focuses on dead Tabitha*  Oh my God...

*jaw drops when Barbara starts a shootout*

“Uh-oh, it sounds a little quiet over there!”  *laughs*

*utterly elated when Bruce fights his way to Oswald’s ammunition van*

*gasps when Oswald tags Barbara in the shoulder*

“I [Harvey] could kiss you, kid [Bruce].”  *chuckles*

“I WILL RIP OUT YOUR HEART!”  :O

“Can we [Oswald and Barbara] move past this?”  No!

*gasps in horror when Oswald pistol whips Barbara across the face*

*jaw drops and covers mouth in shock when Jim shoots Oswald’s bad leg*

I was a big time crime lord, and then I took a bullet to the knee.

*gasps and reels back*  THAT’S ECCO!

Oh, her jacket’s awesome!

“We want you to know that you have allies across the river.  We will find a way to help you.”  “Who are you?”  Who the frick are you?

*gasps very softly when Jim finds his map of No Man’s Land covered in the cult graffiti*

Also, come on, Jeremiah, (claps with each word) do something original!  Why are we reusing the cult imagery?

Oh my God, please don’t tell me that was the end of the episode.

Also, holy crap, Ecco grew out her hair in 87 days!  No wonder she’s able to get it all poofy and everything.

Yeah, if Season 5 is gonna do what I think it’s gonna do and just have back-to-back plot threads/events, this might be my favorite season.

Oh wait, that wasn’t the end?!?

Please tell it’s Ed in the dumpster, please tell me it’s Ed in the dumpster.

*lifts hands in air when Ed wakes up in his dumpster*  Yeesss!!

At least he has his hat...

Ooooohhh the Riddler theme kicking in...

“What is happening to me [Ed]?”  Amnesia?  Narcolepsy?

*Barbara gives Tabitha one final kiss*  I am actually... sad.

*reels back in shock when the workers try to get the bullets out of Oswald’s leg*

Oh my God, they don’t have anesthesia!  Because of provisions!

Seriously, who is this lady [the nurse in the clinic]?  Is she an agent?

*Selina eyes the scalpel on the cart*  Selina, you cannot get up.

*jaw drops in horror when the doctors have to knock out Selina*

Oh my God...

“She was trying to kill herself.”  *sits back and puts hands on head*

“I [the nurse] told you [Bruce], if you wanna cure her [Selina] , you have to go to the witch.”  Who is this lady?

AN:  If she’s the “real Harleen Quinzel,” Imma fight some writers.

“Where do I find this witch?”  It’s Ivy!

*gasps when one of the officers brings a battered kid to Gordon*

Whaaa...

*laughs and reels back*  Oh my- that’s the end of the episode!

I love this ending logo!

*pretty much freaking loses it at the season promo during the credits*

*has to walk around room to calm down*  Well that happened.

[koganphrancis]

Camless Episode 4

(gif credit: winifred-burkle)

It’s a landmark episode and not a lot happens, as always.  If they didn’t have the fact it was the 100th episode to talk about, they’d pretty much have nothing at all.  Another episode without bringing up Terror (yay!), another episode without sex or a titty shot (shock!), another episode where we learn nothing about wtf is going on with Ian (yawn).  I HAD thought the show had managed to wrap up 3 storylines, but then I saw spoilers online last night that would indicate at least 2 of them will go on :(  Spoilers and not much else under the cut.

Ian got the “here’s what you missed” again this week, which I’m taking as another sign Cam is nearing the swan song ;)  But, ugh,the opening wasn’t funny-or understandable-at all.  Cam’s standing in front of a busload of extras they must’ve bussed in from a local Chicago school of modeling to portray Gay Jesus supporters, he’s wearing his “God Loves Fags” T shirt and says, “What the fuck were you doing last week that was more important than watching Shameless?  Protesting homophobia and bigotry?  Damn right you were.”  WTF?  If people weren’t watching Shameless last week they were exercising good taste, not “protesting” somewhere at 9 PM on a Sunday-or does he mean not watching this shit show is a protest against homophobia and bigotry?  That actually does make sense.  I apologize ;P

Liam  Whatever the point was of aging him and doing a time jump after Monica died went out the window last night when Liam is approached by some public school teachers about his placement for the next school year.  Liam is afraid he’s going to be kept back, but they assure him it’s the opposite, they want to move him up.  He asks if he’ll be put in 3rd grade, but they say they want to try him in 6th.  But if Liam thought skipping a grade would put him in 3rd, that means currently he’s in 1st and the oldest that would make him right now is 7.  The fuck?  The only reason I’m talking about any of this is because that’s how lame the show is now.

Carl  Lip FINALLY says something to him about the dogs smelling up the whole house.  And then shockingly Ian and Carl have a conversation about the dogs too-and West Point.  But of course this is the year of the Gallagher house seeming weird and creepy, so the conversation takes place with a very catatonic-like Ian sitting on the basement steps in weird shadows whilst Carl feeds the dogs.  The brotherly convo goes like this: Ian: Sure they wouldn’t have been better off if you just gassed them like you were supposed to? Carl: I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I: How are you going to order men (note to JW-women can serve in the armed forces now too, even in combat) to kill the enemy if you can’t put down a couple of old dogs?  That’s what officers do-order men (!!!) to kill.  What did you think they were gonna teach you at West Point?  Marching cadences? C: Is that what Gay Jesus would do? I: What, kill old dogs?  Hell no, Gay Jesus is all about inclusion and grace, but you’re not looking to get into heaven.  You want to lead lean mean murdering machines.  (DID ANYONE EVER THINK THAT WAS IAN’S GOAL IN GOING TO WEST POINT?  LEADING KILLING MACHINES TO THEIR DEATHS?  I HATE YOU, JOHN WELLS!)  If you can’t kill a couple of old dogs might be the time to start considering teaching kindergarten?  Nursing school?  

On that note, he gets up and walks away.  Let me interject another rant here-since WHEN is Ian this insensitive sexist jerk who would think of jobs/careers in terms of things real men do vs. traditionally (in the dark ages) “feminine” jobs?  John Wells is a fucking dinosaur that needs to be educated-fucking teaching and nursing jobs are as difficult as soldiering, plus these days they’re expecting teachers to start protecting classrooms with weapons.  He’s such a dumb fuck!

And also-I bet this is the only time Ian will speak to Carl about West Point and we’ll never know how he truly felt about watching Carl grasp at the dream he once had.  Way to blow the opportunity.

There’s a whole stupid side story about Carl and the kid who originally was getting the West Point letter of recommendation.  In another add it to the list of “read the room, school kids arranging to shoot each other isn’t funny, you fucking out of touch white males” plots, Carl needs to get his “killing mojo” back so he goes to visit a local veteran.  I can’t even begin to guess if Wells was trying to make some commentary about PTSD or if he was just using the poor guy for laughs (this is Shameless, as they love to remind us, so I’m guessing Wells was just going for yuks).  The show makes its at least THIRD joke using tattoos as a punchline, and-just like with Mickey and Ian-it fails to be funny.  Get new material, you untalented hack!  Sorry I keep yelling at John Wells-what a waste if he’s not actually reading this ;) 

In Carl’s showdown with the other kid, Wells turns that kid into a poetry-spouting “pansy” at the last second.  The kid can’t bring himself to shoot Carl, so he shoots himself in the thigh saying his warmonger dad can’t make him enlist in the Marines now even if he’s not going to West Point.  I’m sitting at home wondering if the idiot nicked his femoral artery and is about to bleed out.  Carl says the self inflicted wound is just a flesh wound and they’ll be able to tell, so the kid starts blabbering poetry and Carl shoots him in the other thigh to shut him up.  The kid thanks him and Carl walks away.   Now I’m convinced that second shot had to hit the femoral artery and no one’s calling 911 and I bet the kid dies and Carl’s path to West Point is now strewn with his body and Kassidi’s.  

Debbie  I can’t...I’ll try, I’ll try to be brief, because it’s all meaningless.  After spending one night together, Alex says they should live together (because that’s what ALL wacky lesbians do, they move right in), and Debs says yes.  They get to have a cute domestic breakfast scene that by rights should’ve gone to Mickey and Ian, but I digress.  Debbie goes out and buys “lesbian” outfits, which to me just seemed like they were making fun of HER-of course she’s going to hit the mall, she’s just a teenager!  She doesn’t have to be the spokeswomen of lesbians everywhere.  This show has a knack of mocking the wrong things at the wrong times.  It’s their shitty writing, not teen spending habits, that’s ridiculous here.

The next time we see them, they’re in bed again, and Alex is filling Debbie in on her past serious relationships, and then Wells gives Debbie a speech about all the dudes she slept with and it’s so much more cringe-worthy thinking about the fact he wrote it.  Plus it’s another “relationship retcon” speech since Debbie doesn’t mention that every other time she’s had sex it was a form of rape.  Matty (who Wells has Debbie say had a “big dick”) wasn’t conscious (and, btw, John, a 12 year old virgin-which is the oldest Debbie could’ve been at the time with all your screwing around with her still being 16 last year-wouldn’t be all that enthusiastic about “big dicks” for her very 1st time), Derrick (who she lied to about birth control-if he had slipped off a condom right before entering her that would be rape and this case is also-Wells says he had a great body and really knew what he was doing), and the guy she crossed state lines with who was obviously over 21 if he could rent a hotel room in Missouri, PLUS she was drugged and unable to give consent-that dude’s a two for!  Debbie doesn’t mention him, since she can’t remember him, I guess.  She brings up Neil, but says being with him was just financial (she doesn’t bother to say he just watched while she did things to herself.  But hey, if they had had sex, that would’ve been another case of statutory!)  Anyway, then Wells has Debbie spout off about what having sex with another “girl” is like and Alex gets more and more dejected.  She’s just now seeing that Debbie’s not gay?  We’re supposed to feel sorry for her?  When in the previous episode which SEEMS to have taken place the day before (or a couple of weeks, tops, if you’re going by Liam’s time line) Alex said right out loud that she knew Debbie was straight?  WHY IS THIS SHOW SO DUMB?  We haven’t gotten to know Alex well enough to have sympathy for her regardless, but they made the point of letting us know she KNEW going in Debbie is straight.  And of course in John Wells’ world, there’s no such thing as bisexuals, so...

Deb and Alex “break up” (who cares?) and I thought that would be the end of Alex and Debbie’s gay storyline, but no-sounds like they’re going to be the new Ian and Terror-next week “Debbie tries to repair things with Alex” according to Spoiler TV.  NOOOOO!  I wanted that to be one of my three wrapped up storylines!  

Debbie comes back into the Gallagher kitchen, dragging her baby carriage and pillow with her and crying her heart out.  None of the siblings appear very concerned-this is the new Shameless, a bunch of strangers occasionally bumping into each other.  The biggest “shocker” of the scene is the family is eating Popeye’s instead of KFC.  Another jolt that we don’t even know these people anymore, LOL.

Lip  I can’t...I just don’t understand the motivation to try to make Xan part of his life when he doesn’t seem to be bonding with her in the least.  He asks her if she’d want to stay with him if her mom never comes back-but doesn’t tell the kid why HE wants her to stay or ask Xan why she would want to stay when she says okay.  The story is hollow and no one seems to try to be filling it with any substance.  

There’s a couple of scenes at the motorcycle shop and it’s so obvious Lip and Brad have no idea what they’re doing-they always just grab wrenches and poke at bike parts with them.  Last night Lip kept using the ratchet wrench-I think JAW must like the noise it makes.  

Lip sells the bike he restored to get money to buy parental rights from Xan’s mom, and it’s just creepy?  Why would the mom know to trust him?  I’m still not even convinced WE should trust him-sharing a room with her is creepy af.  Anyway, Xan comes running up when Lip’s trying to get the mom to make the deal (and why is Xan out unsupervised in the middle of the night on a dark South Side street?  Even if she did “just” sneak out to look for her mom, this is a clear example that Lip isn’t father of the year, that he’s not meeting the bare minimum requirements as a guardian), and the mom drops to hug Xan because it’s the 100th episode and these two characters we barely know should get the big emotional scene?  Anyway, Lip drops the check and runs, overwhelmed by an actual show of emotion, no doubt.  THIS was the 2nd storyline I was hoping would be over, but then TMZ reported that the actress who plays Xan has been signed for Season 10.  Which, BTW, still hasn’t been officially announced and that just seems weird that they haven’t.  What is Showtime waiting for?  

Fiona  Ugh, she was worse than ever this week.  Can’t believe these are her waning days-it truly seems like Wells is out to punish her.  Fi is on the toilet as Bored brushes his teeth.  Fiona goes right from flushing to brushing her teeth WITHOUT WASHING HER HANDS.  It was so gross-I hope next episode she and Bored have pink eye and mouth thrush.  (Fi also touches her lip after putting on lipstick-still without the benefit of soap.)  They still have no fucking chemistry, and they start talking about the election which of course they don’t see eye to eye on.  Then Fi goes to Patsy’s for the first time in forever and Wells gets to recycle the Fi vs Ian fight over gentrification from last season by having Fi on the opposite side of Frank’s candidate, although they don’t bother to give us any face-to-face interaction.  Which is just fine, since the election storyline was boring and weak anyway.  

Fi is a total...I don’t even know the word-what do you call a boss who doesn’t allow their workers their freedom as voters?  She tells the waitresses to take off their buttons supporting their candidate and that there can be “no electioneering” at the workplace, but puts up a poster for her guy and offers free pie to anyone who puts on one of his buttons.  Would she ever really be that clueless and such a bully?  Does anyone care anymore?  

Later, Fiona goes to the Alibi and has a conversation with Vee where she basically says, “This is what Ford is telling me to think this week...”  Fiona says she wants to vote for the guy against rent control, the businessman  And Vee points out that “the businessman” in Washington isn’t working out too great.  Ooh, Shameless, rushing in with the timely political commentary!  (There will be more too, ugh.)

When Fi shows up at her (or a?) polling place, there’s a rumble going on and Wells has her throw one punch to show us she’s still “South Side”, I guess.  It was gratuitous.  It did not remind us of the show’s glory days, it was a thrown in pointless moment that was so outrageously just tacked on. 

In Fiona’s final scene this week, Bored walks into the apartment building with his massive wooden toolbox reminding us he’s a massive tool, and Fiona tells him how she changed her vote, they kiss, and women’s rights are set back another 100 years.  Oh, and Bored still squints A LOT delivering his lines.  Emmy seems to open hers even wider, probably unconsciously trying to get the other actor to at least try to keep his open once in a while...

Veronica and Kevin  There was some more truly awful “rape jokes” this week. Rape is never going to be funny, and with the week this country suffered through last week-plus the fact that it’s still ongoing-I really wish they had just deleted all the Alibi scenes.  Kev makes up a scoreboard or bingo sheet (it isn’t clear) of all the “types” of rapey behavior that can now be shorthanded into a celebrity’s name.  I won’t even justify the “joke” with some examples.  And then KEVIN becomes a sought-after consultant to make other South Side bars less rapey because he’s the white man running the Alibi and Vee is...not.  

Frank is in the episode more than I’m going to talk about, but suffice it to say I do truly believe his election storyline is over (one out of three is not good enough, Shameless!  Wrap up the boring shit that’s going nowhere and do something with the other shit that’s also going nowhere!)   Mo wins the election, and Wells has a reporter say it’s because voters were afraid to say they were bigots in polls.  Which again, this show is too narrow to try to address larger issues-if that’s Wells’ theory why Trump won, it doesn’t explain how “bigoted voters” elected Obama twice.  Try making the world a better place, Wells.  Yes, there is racism and idiot bigotry here, but there was just something smug about how he justified his fictional political outcome.  There was a scene where Frank’s asking some of the Gallaghers if they’re voting-Carl says he’s too young, Lip says he’s not registered, and Ian says, “What’s the point?”  And that pissed me off too, because we’re having Gay Jesus shoved down our throats, but then Wells seems to be saying Ian won’t bother to vote and would rather blow shit up.  Again, the kid that ORIGINALLY had the dream to serve his country by going to West Point.  And fucking Lip-what, he’s too “smart” to think voting matters?  

(Also in that scene, Ian was eating peanut butter toast, but still no sign of his pill bottles.  Cam actually took a bite of the toast, if that type of dedication to his craft matters to anyone.)

The post credits “joke” was a pedo joke about Mo.  Fuck you, John Wells.  

The only thing Frank was good for this week was to lead us back to Mickey’s house.  As so often with this show, I have to forget context (good thing I’ve had plenty of practice, I guess?) and I will fully admit that when I saw Mickey’s little castle of a house I teared up a little.  It was like seeing an old friend.  

But then of course they had to ruin it by Frank knocking on the door, we hear Terry yelling and hitting a dog named Adolf (they put a yelp in and everything) and Terry opens the door wielding a baseball bat that brought Negan and Jeffery Dean Morgan to mind-I hope that was a shout out to him.  The bat had nails in embedded in it instead of barbed wire, but close enough.  Best not to imagine how much cooler the show might have been with JDM instead of Sean, sigh.  

A much funnier joke than anything they did give us about Mo White would’ve been to have Frank ask Terry, “Still have a connection with Russians?  I have an election to rig.”

Finally we get to Ian but just because he had more screen time this week doesn’t mean we’re any closer to knowing anything.  And I was going to bust Cameron for acting very sleepy and out of it in all of his scenes, but then I realized that’s pretty much how all the Gallagher kids actors have been acting, except for Fiona (and I’d say she’s trying too hard sometimes.  There’s also been lots of scenes so far where it seems like she’s phoning it in-but of course they’re giving her shit to do).  

Anyway, things this episode start in the Gallagher kitchen, Ian groans when he sees the coffee’s all gone, and says he’s not sleeping-he got too used to all the noise in jail, it’s too quiet here.  Well, bitch, the house was always lively when the Milkovich siblings were there too, work on getting them back...

Lip asks him if he met his public defender yet and Ian says Geneva and the Gay Jesus donors got him a lawyer, “rich, queer, too much time on his hands since same sex marriage got fixed.”  Um, why is Ian sounding so put out with the guy without even meeting him?  What’s this superiority complex?  

Later Ian walks into GJ church HQ and he’s limping, but I don’t think it’s a continuity error, I think they probably just had him film scenes out of order that day and I think he went a little too hard, LOL.  Anyway, the GJ kids applaud and Geneva hugs him-she’s into it, he’s not.  At the HQ they’re making silk screen shirts with Ian’s face and Gay Jesus signs.  Geneva is once again spouting out statistics, saying how wildly popular the movement is, 77,000 followers in the past five days-One Direction at their height was gaining popularity around the globe like that, not this Gay Jesus shit.  Ian doesn’t seem to be listening too closely to what she’s spewing, and when two body-builder women walk by he asks Geneva who they are.  She says they’re part of the lesbian legion from an MMA gym and adds, “Your gays turned out to be too sweet to handle security.”  Whatever-they keep trying to act like there’s all this dynamic action happening off screen-NO ONE CARES since all we ever see is Ian moping around, looking like Cameron has a headache.

Next time we see Ian he’s walking around outside in his red kicks (really wish we knew the significance of those-are they supposed to be like Jesus’ sandals?  What happened in the cut scene where he left them in the aisle last season?  I only want to know because the show seems to think they mean SOMETHING)-anyway, where’s Ian going?  Why?  We’re never told-great storytelling this ain’t, kids.  A van slows up next to him and a guy leans out and says, “You’re Ian, right?  Gay Jesus?”  How did the guys in the van know where Ian would be walking?  Do they just circle the Gay Jesus church hoping he’ll come out?  Again, we’ll never know.  The guy continues, “I’ve been watching your videos with my friends.  The burning vans, the sermons-it’s inspiring.”  Ian says thanks.  The guy says, “You really think that’s what Jesus was teaching?”  Ian says, “Inclusion, love, acceptance for all?  Yeah, absolutely.”  Then the van guy says, “You don’t think God sees homosexual bestiality as a sinful perversion of His divine creations?”  Ian’s confused, says, “What?”, sees the sliding panel door of the van open, and takes off running, jumping over fences and at some point in his getaway, pulling some muscle in his tight jeans.  

Next time we see Ian he’s sitting alone in the Gallagher kitchen nursing a beer and his thigh.  (No Bible this time-no sign of his pills either.)  Lip comes in and asks him if he’s okay and Ian says he maybe pulled a hamstring running from homophobes.  Lip says, “I guess there’s nothing new about that, right?” and you wonder just when he stopped caring so completely about his brother.  

Ian doesn’t bother to answer, sips his beer instead.  After a minute he quietly asks Lip, “Think you could do hard time?” Lip: In prison?  Uh...rather not.  I: Gay Jesus kids don’t want me to cop a plea.  Want me to take it to trial.  Get as much publicity for the cause as I can. L: What’s your lawyer say? I: Could be looking at 10-15 if I don’t take a deal.  (Me at home, screaming at the TV: WHAT ARE THE CHARGES?  WHY CAN’T THEY EVER TELL US ANYTHING?  WHAT ARE THEY SAYING YOU DID THAT’S ON PAR WITH MICKEY’S BULLSHIT ATTEMPTED 2ND DEGREE MURDER SENTENCE????)

Lip, rather than saying ANYTHING to the brother he’s closest to about maybe not giving up his entire young adulthood to a cause, not saying something like, “You’d be older than the real Jesus got to live till by the time you get out”, not saying if he thinks Ian’s an idiot if he’s even questioning doing hard time in a bad place, no, rather than that, he takes his coffee out of the microwave and comes around the counter to the same side as Ian and says, “You ah, hearing from Shim again?” I: Sometimes.  (Me at home: WHAT?  WHEN?  What does that look like when it happens?) L: Well, what does Shim think? I: Unclear.  (Oh, Ian, are you kidding me?  All this time you thought you were talking to god but you’ve just been playing with a Magic 8 Ball?) L: Xan’s mom showed up today.  (Guess we’re done talking about Ian then!)  She’s a junkie.  Hookin’... I: What are you going to do? L: I don’t know. I: Maybe you should try asking Shim. L: Maybe.  

End scene.  So again, we get tantalizingly close to a discussion about what might be going on inside Ian’s head-is he getting it?  That the Gay Jesus movement is just using him at this point?  Or does he really think going to prison as the highly recognizable face of said movement is going to work out somehow-other than him not dying a painful and brutal death?  And why can’t Lip give enough of a shit to at least ask him not to go?  Fuuuuuuck.  

Next Ian’s back at GJ HQ.  Geneva comes in and says she didn’t see him come in.  He says he came in the back-all the hugging and applause when he comes in the front is kinda weird.  Since Geneva is the only one who ever hugs him, I hope she’s getting the hint.  He’s looking over the “Free Gay Jesus” posters.

Ian: What is this? Geneva: Couple of the arty kids are working out a few ideas for if you do end up in prison. I: Couple assholes in a van chased me last night.  Apparently they’re not very big fans of my interpretation of Bible verse. G: Fuckers.  I’ll get you a couple of lesbian legion body guards.  They’d love nothing more than to a chance to stomp homophobes.  (Because, yeah, THAT was Jesus’ message.) Ian holds up a Che Jesus shirt with an unintentionally hilarious graphic of him wearing a beret-Showtime probably thinks fans want to buy them (I wrote these notes before Steve Howey tweeted he wants one last night.  It got less than a thousand likes, and I bet that number would be less than half if Cam hadn’t replied).  

I: Think any of this is gonna end up making a difference? G: Ian, you’ve given thousands of gay and lesbian teenagers a voice.  (Insert Mickey gif of “Not really tho” here.)  You’ve inspired us to stand up and fight for ourselves.  

So much wrong with so much of that.  First of all, is Geneva LGBT?  She was a runaway who ran away from having to give blowjobs, right, not because her parents kicked her out for being LGBT?  And she’s been crushing on Ian since Day 1, so, probably not “L”, and Wells clearly doesn’t believe in “B”, so who is Geneva to say “us”?  And next, IF Ian/Gay Jesus has given kids “a voice”, what is he saying for them-are the teens really into his whole “Jesus was a junkie”, “my god is non-binary” shouting that they haven’s shown since last year?  Don’t teens get bored and move on to the next thing when their idols aren’t doing anything new?  Lastly, she says they are standing up and fighting for themselves-where, when, how?  

I: Know what I was thinking when I was running away from those bastards?  (Me at home: NO!  We never know what you’re thinking!  That’s the whole damn problem with your storylines!)  It’s been 2000 years since Jesus died on the cross and I’m still running for my life down an alley because I fall in love with men instead of women.  (No, Ian, you’ve only ever loved one (1) man-fucking admit that for once and then get on with your life.  That line should’ve been “have sex with”, no one deserves to be chased down for that either, and it wouldn’t have made me exasperated with Ian over the whole “love” thing, which is a separate issue this show fucking needs to handle before it’s all said and done with Ian.)  

Then one of the GJ kids comes in to report there’s a bunch of Nazi’s keeping people from getting to one of the polls and we don’t see Ian again this episode. But again, I hope that they’re finally having him wake up to the fact that NO ONE cares about him.  The family has washed its hands of him, the Gay Jesus followers WANT him to go to prison (and probably die) and be a martyr for the cause.  Time to ask yourself who is the only person who ever looked at you and actually saw you there, Ian.  The only person to look you in the eye and say, “I love you.”   

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 313

Ermagherd guys, Droughtlander. It’s here. But it’s here with Hamilton stuck in our heads, cheesetastic secksi times and the knowledge that the beginning of next season is probs the most like the oh-so-high-up-on-that-pedestal-S1A than anything else in the series. (In a strange new place! Trying to build a home! Except this time they’re doing it together! With the kiddos! Plus a doggo! *grabby hands*)

I know I’ve been on the *cough* less than positive *cough* side of things a lot this season. And last season, if we’re being honest. And I was going to apologize for that, but honestly, I’m not sorry. That’s just how I fan. I flail about what I love, I rant about what I don’t. I’m *very* aware that’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that I’m the sort of fan the cast and crew shit on in interviews and on twitter. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I enjoyed the finale for what it was. I squee’ed! I yelled things at the teevee! I side-eyed like whoa! So basically the same-ish reaction I’ve had to most of the episodes.

(I never bothered doing a full S2 rewatch, but I might do one for S3 just to see if it flows any better when watched all in one go, but I have a feeling it’ll still feel more like individual units than a cohesive whole.)

Anywho, beer-fueled nonsense that offers nothing of substance under the cut.

Finding more and more that I miss the old-style title cards.

Hard pass on doing this VO twice, tbh. Like we know obvi she’s not going to die. Just have it be where it plays out in the story.

Ok but all I can think about when the carriage stops and the crowd of people walk by is the part in The Mummy when they’re all like zombified and chanting Im-Ho-Tep.

I was just about to snark on Claire apparently having a change of clothes in the damn carriage but alas, we didn’t have to headcanon that she went and changed somewhere. No snarking for me.

Although for fucking serious? She changed back into the same damn outfit?! Ffs. Let the damn woman wear a different dress.

Aw, Fergus lets his wife come with him and doesn’t leave her behind in the woods with Willie. (I heart Marsali.)

“I’ll gut you” is apparently Young Ian’s go-to threat. It’s cute he already has a signature murder-style. Now you just need a rad serial killer name, dude. Take the hiatus to think about it.

This whole thing with Claire and Geillis is like ♬ I know, you know that I’m not telling the truth. ♬

I love that the Army/Navy rivalry spans both time and country.

But for real. Lord John in this scene is my goddamn everything. Sorry, Captain Babyface. I like you, but I need my dude out of those handcuffs and LJG is fucking *bringing it* right now. Can Jamie keep the handcuffs though? They might come in handy once he’s back on the Artemis... ;)

Ok but the final lingering shot of the pining face. Why. It was such a great scene. Lord John helping his buddy. Jamie being like yep, I still get in trouble, thanks for the assist. A nice goodbye. And it could have just ended there and been perfect, but nah, gotta smack everyone over the head with 1000% commitment to my least favorite trope.

#GetJohnABoyfriend2k18

Ah a “why are you here” callback to ep. 111.

For real though, Geillis is fucking nuts. Claire knows Geillis is fucking nuts. Claire knows Geillis has Young Ian. WHY ARE YOU LIKE HAVING CASUAL STORY TIME WITH HER, CLAIRE! DON’T TELL HER THINGS!

CLAIRE WHY ARE YOU TELLING GEILLIS ABOUT GOING BACK TO THE FUTURE! WHY ARE YOU TELLING HER ABOUT BREE! THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA! STOP SHARING THINGS WITH PSYCHOPATHS!

Also, we’re just casually talking about time travel in front of Hercules? I mean, I guess since he’s enslaved, no one gives a shit what he hears because it’s not like he can do anything?

“He was one of my favorites.” She’s fucking nuts but I still do love Geillis.

*zones out through discussions about the mechanics of time travel*

Did you really think you *weren’t* going to get locked in, Claire? YOU KNOW WHAT GEILLIS HAS DONE, YOU WERE CLEARLY GOING TO BE LOCKED IN. BREAK THE FUCKING WINDOW OR SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT.

I get that this is a parallel to the pilot when Claire’s watching the dancers at Craigh na Dun with Frank from the grass, but part of me is still wicked uncomfortable that they’re again using Black people as basically set dressing. I know it’s in the book, I wasn’t a fan of it there either.

How I think of Margaret during her Visions R Us office hours, basically.

Man, they really committed to this damn rabbit and bird thing. Maybe it’s some folks’ jam, but it never really struck a chord for me and the more they kept bringing it up, the more it makes me roll my eyes. Maybe because birds and rabbits were never a thing with Jamie and Claire? So it just seemed wicked random and kind of forced? Whatevs.

Hated Margaret channeling Bree in the book, hate it here.

This whole thing is so much weirder in the book, but just because they made it less weird for the show doesn’t make it good.

Like if we’re getting an exposition dump from Archibald about the prophecy, we really don’t need the weird Bree thing about someone coming to get her.

Yi Tien Cho channeling Inigo Montoya is kind of my everything. “I’m Yi Tien Cho. You are not worthy of this woman. Prepare to die.”

Petition for Rihanna’s “We Found Love” to be Yi Tien Cho and Margaret’s wedding song.

Omg so much explaining what we’ve already all figured out. We need to headcanon like 75% of Jamie and Claire’s reconciliation, but let’s spell out 2378235 different ways what Geillis’ plan is. (Maybe it wasn’t that many ways. But we’re doing a fuckton of exposition dumping in this episode.)

Ok seriously. The guy with the alligator head drinking chicken blood. Ugh. We got white savior stuff last week, but at least Temeraire had a part in the plot and got some agency at the end? Still problematic, but (maybe?) as minimally problematic as it could be if it was going to be included? This is literally just a backdrop for a conversation with Margaret. Blergh...

And then they have them carry off Archibald Campbell as Yi Tien Cho and Margaret look on in horror and omfg this is not good.

(ETA -- In which Roxane Gay says it better than I could: “It’s all very colonial fever dream, not so vaguely racist, and I honestly forced myself to let it go so I could continue with the episode.”)

“We lost Faith. We will not lose Brianna.” This line sure would have hit home a little harder had we actually seen Jamie give a crap about Bree at any point during the season. In the moment it works, but looking over the whole season *weakly gestures, tired of wishing things had been done differently*.

The goodbye kiss just in case though hits me in the feels. 

Well isn’t Geillis telling Claire “a life for a life” a nice perversion of Claire telling Jamie that he owed her a life in season two.

And then Jamie grabs her hand all gently and I have feelings about the two of them at the stones/pool, guys.

Why does dead!Geillis look super fake? I have questions.

Slash Young Ian is gathering up jewels or something, right? Before he runs out of the cave? He’s like picking shit up off the ground...

Still could have done without the bones in Joe’s office bit, tbh. But whatever.

I know she’s like a bit traumatized, but Claire holding a bloody machete is my aesthetic.

Awwww, lookit that lil family. *heart eyes*

Omg but the stuff on the ship is the eye of the storm. Like the episode is the storm. And the sex is the eye. Because in the eye of the hurricane, there is quiet. For just a moment. GET IT?! GET IT GUYS?! OK FINE I’LL JUST KEEP SINGING HAMILTON OVER HERE BY MYSELF.

I’m way too proud of myself for this tweet though:

“Surprised I dinna have a full head of white hair, after all I’ve suffered these past few months.” ONE LAST WTF, JAMIE *SIDE-EYE* FOR THE ROAD! (I know Jamie has been through some shit. But literally ever since Claire showed back up, he’s managed to make almost everything about him so even though it’s a little joke, this line is just icing on the omfg, you’re killing me Smalls cake.)

#TeamClairesVeryFineSkin

I for real thought this wasn’t going to make it into the show. I didn’t think the quickie in ep. 309 was going to make it either. Glad they both did.

Claire being like yep, I can remedy the I’m still wearing clothes situation, stat, is my everything.

It’s so cheesy, guys. I love cheese.

Jamie’s bangs though, guys. Can we get the man a new wig haircut before next season?

Omg, that ass grab. That ass grab is my everything. Idk why. But omg. RIP me.

They def have made the sex a little less explicit this year. Except for the rape that they decided to shoot like a softcore porn, wtaf. But like, that doesn’t matter? It’s never been about the amount of skin showing? It’s about showing the two characters being wicked into each other, because if they weren’t then going through all the shit they go through wouldn’t be worth it? I’m *rull* glad that the show has finally realized that that’s an important thing to actually have on screen instead of condescendingly telling us that it doesn’t matter or we should headcanon it like they did all last year.

Ok, here for Claire going full mama bear at Young Ian, but girl. How much doctoring do you really thing you’re going to be able to do in this exact moment if you go up on deck.

Slash, what was she waiting for the whole time everyone else, including the two people she was with, was clearing the deck? I know, I need to just go with it, but this is silly.

Ok this is the only time we needed to see this/hear this VO. Beautifully shot. The Faith music is gorgeous, but like I’m not reading anything into it like she’s watching over them or anything. More just like Claire’s in a liminal state between alive and dead like she was when Faith died.

Dude, kiss your wife when you’re both on the surface and it’s been established she’s alive. (I mean, it’s super sweet, but SWIM, JAMMF, SWIM!)

All snark aside, there’s something a little beautiful about Claire spending half the season basically drowning, unable to really save herself and no one else around who cares enough to save her. And now here she is again, literally drowning and unable to save herself, but this time there’s a handy ginger around to lend a hand. Because she’s not alone anymore. And I have feelings. So many feelings. All the feelings. Feelings.

As they’re floating on their scrap of wood, let me take the obligatory detour into the 20 year old grumble that there was definitely enough room on the door for Jack too. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, ROSE.

The thought of crawling around in the sand in wet clothes gives me hives.

“I told you I’d never leave you again.” ilu, claire bear.

Ok but they’re both so sad that the ship went down and everyone’s dead and stuff and it’s moving and yay for hugs, but like. You know nothing about where you are? Why jump to the worst case scenario? The beach is literally littered with stuff from the ship? You made it so other people might have too? Also, clearly all of the important people lived because otherwise this whole half of the season was pointless?

That being said, these two are really good at making their faces show feelings.

It’s really not a strange question to ask where you are, Jamie. You were in a shipwreck. GPS isn’t a thing. I’d say it’s a pretty normal question to have, bro.

OK BUT LOOK AT CLAIRE’S FACE WHEN SHE SAYS AMERICA HERE COMPARED TO HOW SHE WAS FEELING THE LAST TIME SHE ARRIVED THERE. EVERYTHING IS OK NOW, CLAIRE! I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THE FRASERS GETTING TO FINALLY START A LIFE TOGETHER, GUYS.

Literaloling over the rando family just walking away like yeah, uh, you guys do you.

fin.

[massmurdera]

Best/Worst of 2017

Objectively speaking, 2017 was a tire fire of a year in America and I knew that going in. I’ll leave out the Trump bullshit and how I feel. Americans/people like being outraged, but it gets old to wake up every day in a panic. I did when Deflategate was happening to Tom Brady, but that had no real-world implications. Everyday, I was waking up to check Twitter to see what bad shit was happening. I think I did a solid job cutting it out as best I could and not letting it make me go mad.

It was a mostly boring year and then it picked up towards the very end. I might not feel good about America and where we’re I think we’ heading while holding out hope that this ends soon (I’m naïve and think we’re completely/totally fucked) but I guess I feel all right about where I’m going and how I feel about those close to me in my life. I’m controlling what I can control. Things could be better, but I’m all right. 

TV Funniest go-to show: Desus and Mero Late Night/Politics: John Oliver Favorite TV show (non-Game of Thrones): American Vandal TV SHOW (non-Game of Thrones): 1) Legion 2) Stranger Things 3) Godless 4) Dark 5) Sneaky Pete 6) Mindhunter 7) Marvelous Mrs Maisel 8) Better Call Saul 9) the Deuce 10) Fargo 11) Ozarks 12) 13 Reasons Why 13) Lethal Weapon 14) Riverdale 15) Mr Robot 16) This is Us TV Comedies: 1) American Vandal 2) Big Mouth 3) Nathan for You 4) Rick and Morty 5) GLOW 6) Veep 7) Brockmire 8) Atypical

I’m biased that a family friend of mine co-created American Vandal and his brother is on the show too in a minor role but it REALLY is great. It sounds stupid that older family members scoffed at or were bewildered by, but it’s far smarter social commentary than it appears. It nailed high school so well.

BEST NEW CHARACTERS Funniest: Hormone Monster/Monstress (Big Mouth) Best Jeff Spicoli that should get a spin-off: Dylan and the Wayback Boys (American Vandal) Best Philip Seymour Hoffman: Edward Kemper (Mindhunter) Most fun/crazy role: 1) Aubrey Plaza (Legion) 2) Susan Sarandon (Feud) Perfect role: Marc Maron (GLOW), Nikki Swango (Fargo) Best drunk: Brockmire Sorely Overlooked: Clayne Crawford in Mel Gibson’s role (Lethal Weapon) Star-Making: Katherine Langford (13 Reasons Why); Rachel Brosnahan (Marvelous Mrs Maisel)

DISAPPOINTING FROM GREAT SHOWS: Curb Your Enthusiasm; Fargo; the Americans; Game of Thrones; Silicon Valley; Veep Shows I half-watch but could give up on: Big Little Lies; Feud; Preacher; Runaways; Shameless; the Sinner; SMILF; SNL; This is Us; White Famous WORST Shows: 1) Twin Peaks 2) the Leftovers 3) the Defenders 4) Taboo 5) Top of the Lake Didn’t work but should have: Vice Principals -had moments Absolute Worst: any and all political panel/news shows (Fox News, CNN, MSNBC). Burn them all to the ground.

Still need to watch: American Gods; BoJack Horseman; Brooklyn 99; Carmichael Show; Catastrophe; Good Place; Halt and Catch Fire; Handmaid’s Tale; Master of None; Punisher

Overall: the new shows were damn good, but the established great shows were all letdowns.

MOVIES 5 STARS: CLASSIC: 1) Get Out 4 STARS: 2) Free Fire 3) John Wick II 4) Dunkirk 5) Star Wars 6) Logan 3 ½ stars: Brawl in Cell Block 99; Good Time; Logan Lucky 3 STARS RENTALS: WATCHABLE: Atomic Blonde; Baby Driver, Babysitter, Big Sick; Blade Runner 2049; Fate of the Furious; Okja; Shot Caller, Spiderman, Split; War for Planet of the Apes; Wind River; Wonder Woman 2 STARS-DIDN”T LIKE BUT DECENT PARTS: Girls Trip; Guardians of Galaxy 2; Ingrid Goes West; Lego Batman; War Machine Most boring/dumbest critic favorite: Personal Shopper Cool twist made up for okay movie: Split Coolest soundtrack/score: Good Time, Dunkirk Most Over-the-Top Violent: Brawl in Cell Block 99 Overrated: Baby Driver, Wonder Woman Disappointed: Lego Batman

NEED TO CHECK OUT AFTER I READ BOOK: Lost City of Z; It HAVEN”T SEEN: Call Me By Your Name; Coco; Columbus; Darkest Hour; Disaster Artist; Florida Project; Justice League; Lady Bird; Molly’s Game; mother!; Mudbound; Phantom Thread; the Post; Shape of Water; Thor; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

I’ve got catching up to do. But I think the year in movies wasn’t good.

Best Documentaries: 1) the Defiant Ones 2) Get Me Roger Stone 3) the Keepers 4) Jim & Andy BEST NETFLIX STAND-UP SPECIALS: 1) Dave Chappelle 2) Patton Oswalt 3) Ali Wong 4) Marc Maron 5) Neil Brennan 6) Bill Burr 7) Rory Scovel 8) Mike Birbiglia

Burr’s my favorite comic and seeing him live he is the best comic alive but it didn’t translate live. And he cut out so much of his best stuff.  Chappelle might be more natural and have a sense of the moment though. Overplayed controversy -outrage over Chappelle’s jokes. Yeah, I don’t think they actually saw his act and just listened, out of context, to the jokes. He’s still as good as it gets. People just want to be outraged and have things be PC. Comics maybe hype that up, but it’s true. Underrated/Lost moment no one saw: Def Jam 25th Anniversary Special wasn’t good but Chappelle’s 7-minute improv off-the-cuff bit is secretly funnier than anything he did in his 2 specials. I don’t think any other comic alive or ever could have pulled that off as smoothly/naturally.

Worst special: Amy Schumer (like her, but she wasn’t ready to be released and nothing worked: felt like she wanted in on Netflix $ guys like Chappelle/Seinfeld were getting. I get the fairness, but uh, Chappelle’s specials felt like an event.

OTHER SPECIALS (comedy album/non-HBO) SOLID: TJ Miller; Joe DeRosa; Kurt Braunholer; Brian Posehn Didn’t totally work for me but I like them: Jerrod Carmichael, Tiffany Hadish

STILL NEED TO CHECK OUT: Ari Shaffir; Jerry Seinfeld; Brian Regan;  Jen Kirkman; Judd Apatow; Hasaan Minaj; Michelle Wolf; Chris Gethard

Just loaded with too much good comedy. It’s never been better with podcasts, Netflix.

Favorite Podcasts: 1) Chapo Trap House 2) Pardon My Take 3) Frotcast 4) Bill Burr 5) Fuck the Chargers 6) Inactives 6) Revisionist History 7) Dollop 8) My Favorite Murder 9) Hound Tall Best Dollop Episodes of the Year: 1) Falling Pilot 2) Falling Pilot 3) Uber 4) Trump 5) Trump part 1 & 2 5) Enron 6) Phantom of the Open Dollop can be hit-or-miss. But the hits? Are as good as podcasting gets for history, comedy, and understanding the times we live in now. They would make for classic movies/docs. but specializes in overlooked, ridiculous stories that may have had massive historical ramifications (Dope Lake, Falling Pilot qualify for that except the ramifications part). Every once in a blue moon, they nail something timely (Enron) or current (Opium; Uber; Trump). They are the calm in the eye of a storm of utter insanity. Best individual episodes: -Bertcast (#217: Dave Anthony/Gareth Reynolds)-funny stand-up stories -Joey Diaz on Rogan/Bertcast -Tom Segura/Bert Kreischer Weight Loss Challenge (Joe Rogan) first episodes of the year)-funny/strangely inspiring. They did another challenge later in the years  -Revisionist History-Miss Buchanan’s Period of Adjustment (Brown v Board of Education)-the unintended and disastrous consequences still felt today of why the decision was awful in a way you didn’t consider. It’ devastating to hear -Crabfeast #292 (Gareth Reynolds) talks about being hired to entertain kids birthday parties for 5 years as a side job while trying to make it in comedy. I love stories of failure/struggle at shit jobs Funniest podcast: 600 Dollar Podcast-bummer it ended Frotcast is my next favorite for humor (Best of 2016/2017 episodes are most accessible rather than just being dropped in). Bill Burr always. Best guest on a podcast: James Adomian as Gorka (Chapo Trap House) Best political: Chapo Trap House (and, yes, I am a Grey Wolf) Best Sports: Pardon My Take Best fan hate/schadenfreude: Fuck the Chargers Most underrated: Butterfly Effect (Jon Ronson)-only 6 episodes 3 hours 30 minutes; does what Malcolm Gladwell does but more long-form on the porn industry History: Dollop (over Common Sense/Hardcore History) Best local radio show/podcast: Matty & Nick Overrated/Lukewarm/Forgettable: Crimetown; S-Town; Pod Save America, Larry Wilmore Crimetown and  S-Town’ are basically just accents. I didn’t like them the way other people did. Pod Save America is for boring people who don’t listen to podcasts and don’t know or bother for better alternatives. They are inoffensive dudes: it’s VERY basic. I think ‘Lovett or Leave It’ is better depending on the panel. Worst: Missing Richard Simmons Other podcasts I enjoy-Binge Mode, Bodega Boys, Dumb People Town, Emotional Hangs, FOFOP, Handsome Rambler (Hannibal Burress), Lovett or Leave It, We’ll See You in Hell Need to check out more-Crab Feast, Cum Town, In the Dark, Mogul Listen to if they have a good guest -Bertcast, Joe Rogan, WTF, You Made it Weird BEST EVENTS: 1) Pats-Steelers AFC Championship  2) Pats-Texans AFC Divisional  2nd half 3) Chance the Rapper: Boston Calling 4) 1975: Boston Calling 5) Thrice/Circa Survive: House of Blues sadly I couldn’t see Thrice or the stage at all in the mezzanine but I wasn’t mad 5) My Favorite Murder: Wilbur 6) Turnover: Royale 7) Hannibal Burress: Boston Calling 8) Frightened Rabbit: Boston Calling 9) Norm MacDonald @ Wilbur Theatre: Netflix taping 10) watching my friend mosh to Converge while I held his sweatshirt

WORST EVENTS: 1) My cousin at Boston Calling -just a disaster I won’t explain, but it was the probably the most disappointing thing that I experienced all year and shit on my weekend with my friend from LA. I basically had to become a babysitter and ditch my friend. 2) Pats-Texans AFC Championship Game -freezing 0 degree cold January game (expected) in the upper 300-level section and ours was the ONLY one not standing for a playoff game. Sat next to two kids under 8. Then someone brought in a newborn fucking baby that, no hyperbole, could not have been more than a month old. Insane. We snuck into the 200-level section at halftime and it ended up being a fucking party and playoff atmosphere that I wanted, expected, and had enjoyed before. 2) Migos  -last minute replacement for Solange: just looked/sounded completely unprepared and they knew it. Crowd didn’t seem to be into it (Boston is mainly white) and didn’t know the lyrics to chant back: when they did so, it failed, and they were laughing it off but knowing it wasn’t a good setting for them. 4) Bon Iver  -I liked his new album but doesn’t translate well live and to festivals. Super boring. Watching white people LOSE their shit to lukewarm Kenny G-esque saxophone solos (5 people playing the sax) was ridiculous.

MUSIC 1a) Brian Fallon-’If Your Prayers Don’t Get to Heaven’ 1b) Brian Fallon-’Forget Me Not’ 2) Menzingers-’˜Lookers’ 3) Lorde-’Perfect Places’ 4) Carly Rae Jepsen-’Cut to the Feeling’ 5) Turnover-’Breeze’ 6) Vallis Alps-’Fading’ 7) Kendrick Lamar-Humble’ 7) Calvin Harris/Frank Ocean/Migos-’Slide’ 9) Night Game-’the Outfield’ 10) Kesha-’Praying’

Album: Menzingers-’After the Party’ New Artist: Khalid Late pass: Turnover Late pass song: Lord Huron-’the Night We Met’

WORST POLITICAL: the chaos that comes with Trump-Waking up everyday in anxiety to check what happened on Twitter in America with politics/everything. It was, objectively, a trainwreck tire-fire. There’s too much news (which he obviously likes, even if it’s bad: he likes the attention and is a cable news addict). So, yeah, I don’t want to just be overloaded with it all the time, so fuck you forever. A year’s worth of shit is dumped every week. Thing is, I don’t hate Trump the most. He’s a stooge and he’s only doing everything the Republicans want anyway. It’s just that he’s such a dunce.

Worst music moment: 1) Katy Perry dancing w/ Migos, her music videos 2) Taylor Swift album rollout 3) Eminem’s cringe-y Trump freestyle that sounded as bad as Hamilton

Favorite debacles: Uber, Juicero, Fyre Festival Only because I can’t enjoy the Trump presidency debacles since it’s everyday life. Favorite Online Writer: Drew Magary Best health choice: switching to shoes with arch support -I can’t wear any of the major shoes like Nike anymore. I’ve got super flat feet. I was walking around for 2 months feeling like my foot was broken. I was in agony. Instant relief when I got better shoes. Most Confused thought: How the hell is Martin Shkreli the only evil rich asshole to go to jail? Sweetest/Coolest: Remember, Remember the 5th of November and beyond (super dumb inside joke to only person that might read this BS). I’ll leave it at that. I mean, I totally want to write about it, how awesome/funny it is, a phone call I made to my friend that was 12+ years in the making that he didn't expect. But yeah. I’ll just say it’s really sweet and just not jinx it.

Look ahead 2018 MUSIC: 1) Brian Fallon 2) Thrice 3) Chvrches 4) Wonder Years 5) Arctic Monkeys 6) Carly Rae Jepsen 7) 1975 8) Bruce Springsteen 9) Justin Timberlake NEW HBO: 1) Barry-Bill Hader as an assassin 2) Confederacy 3) Mosaic NEW NETFLIX SHOWS: 1) Maniac 2) Altered Carbon OTHER NEW SHOWS: 1) Corporate 2) the Terror 2) Counterpart 3) the Alienist 4) Waco 5) Good Girls  RETURNING TV: 1) True Detective 2) Atlanta SHOWS ENDING: the Americans  BOOKS: 1) Stephen King-’the Outsider’ 2) new Game of Thrones? 3) Michelle McNamara Gillian Flynn is overdue for a new book MOVIES: 1) Death of Stalin 2) Incredibles II 3) Soldado: Sicario II 4) Bodied 5) First Man-Chazzelle 6) Where’d You Go Bernadette-Linklater 7) Predator -Shane Black 8) Halloween -David Gordon Green/Danny McBride 9) Widows -Gillian Flynn/Steve McQueen 10) Creed II 11) Deadpool II 12) Hold the Dark 13) Scarface-Coen brothers 14) Black Panther 15) new ‘Cloverfield’ NEW COMEDY SPECIALS: 1) Bill Burr 2) Chris Rock 3)Tom Segura 4) Bert Kreischer, 5) Mike Birbiglia

Biggest bummer: no Game of Thrones until 2019, but I’d rather they not fuck it up

LOOK AHEAD TO 2018: -moving out of parent’ place in 2 weeks while still saving up to buy a house/condos  -uh, I just turned 31, so that took forever. I have a decent amount of $ saved up to secure a house, but I want a decent one. -brother’s wedding in April -and bachelor party -cousins getting married and engaged -happening in droves -Pats playoff run and maybe the last best stand in the Belichick-Brady era. Brady could easily play 3 more years, be a top 3-5 QB (he still is the best, most durable/toughest, consistent), break every record, but something to be said about going out on top. -Shows/Tours Hoping to see: Boston Calling, Bill Burr, Brian Fallon, Bert Kreischer, Thrice, Chappelle, Pats -Gaslight Anthem reunion shows for 10-year anniversary of ‘the 59 Sound’ AND hopefully coming back again

[deliverydefresas]

i just want it to be you and me forever

I’m late to the party I know, I know.

someone tell me what this is bc i have no idea, lmao (for real)

“We both came here to buy the same movie but there is only one dvd left let’s Split the cost and watch it together i have popcorn at home.”

“I’m telling you I’m 100% fine, Nina. You don’t need to ditch your date because of me.”

“Are you sure, Luna? You just broke up with Aaron, Gastón and I can reschedule any other day.”

“Again, that’s unnecessary.” Luna, at this point, had lost count of how many times she’s said this the last ten minutes. Nina was her best friend in the whole world, and she loved her a lot, but she could be overbearing when she thought she needed her. “I’ll just watch a movie, order pizza, maybe drink some wine and be extra fine by morning, okay?”

Her answer wasn’t good enough for Nina, “so you aren’t 100% fine right now?”

“That’s why I said extra fine, N.” She has to giggle because she can just picture her best friend trying to come up with reasons to appear on her doorstep and give her the ‘there’s many more fishes in the sea’ pep talk. Finally, Nina sighs and she almost dances in the middle of the street because it’s not a daily occurrence for her to admit defeat so quickly.

“Fine, then. What movie are you watching?”

“I was thinking of Grease, but I left that at my parents’ so I’m buying another one; there’s a DVD Shop four blocks away, and I’m almost there right now.” She chirps into her phone, almost skipping her way to the shop.

“Too lazy to drive to your parents’ house?”

“More like, too lazy to have the ‘I broke up with my boyfriend that you never even met, no mom, I don’t need to cry, and no dad, I don’t want you to “beat him up”’ talk, y’know?”

Nina laughs at her words and that cheers her up even more. It’s not like she’s heartbroken (because she’s not, she didn’t even like the dude that much, honestly) but making other people happy always made her happier, too. It felt nice to know other people smiled and laughed because of you.

“Did they even know you were dating someone?”

She snorts a “no” and almost trips on someone else’s foot, apologizing profusely when she sees it’s a lady carrying a baby. Nina calls for her attention thirty seconds later, “the only ones who knew were you, and Gastón by association. Oh, and Ámbar.”

Nina sounds surprised at this, “you told your cousin?”  

“It wasn’t on my plans,” she admits, cringing a little at the memory. “You know subtly isn’t my forte, so really, me asking her how to dump a guy was kind of a given.”

“I can’t picture Ámbar giving good advice on that.”

“She didn’t,” Luna’s glad she’s only a block away now, if she continued to laugh she’d either pass the shop or trip again and knock a baby off a mother’s arms, “she told me to text him ‘I’d rather lit my hair on fire than to keep on dating you’.”

Nina’s gasp makes her laugh harder, “no!”

“Yes!” by then, she’s already in opening the door to enter the shop, scanning quickly were the ‘musical’s’ section is at, “look, N, I gotta go now. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Fine, but we’re still on for lunch. I’ll pick you up at 11.”  

Luna hums in agreement, “that’s alright. Bye, Nina, love you!” She waits until she hears a faint ‘I love you too!’ to hang up and turn into search mode. Five minutes later, she’s looked at all the movies under the ‘G’ letter twice and still hasn’t seen John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John anywhere. Just as she’s about to give up and look for help, a guy walks her way and skims over the ‘H’ section and easily pulls out a copy of her movie.

Without meaning to, she’s gasping, “how did you do that?!”

The guy looks startled for a second, until he notices it’s her who spoke and then he’s smirking. Luna’s torn between checking him out (the guy is cute) and scowling at him (his smirk gives her the ‘he’s an asshole’ vibe) so she decides to do both at the same time. Her scow falters a little when she confirms that he’s, in fact, cute and around her age; unless he’s like her and looks younger than his actual age, which could be bad because over thirty years old kind of freak her out even if she’s halfway there.

“How did I do what?” he’s asking her, his smirk growing a little when he catches her eyes checking him out.

“Find Grease, I’ve been looking for it for five minutes, it wasn’t with the rest of the ‘G’s.” Luna looks at him once more, noticing he looks quite familiar. “Have we met before?”

His eyes hold amusement at her question, and he obviously can’t hold back a, “in your dreams.” He chuckles when she glares at him, “I think we live in the same building, you look familiar too.”  

“Oh.” His chuckle turned into a laugh at this, and she feels the tip of her ears getting warmer, “what about the movie?”

He looks down at the movie in his hand, smiling sheepishly once his eyes return to her face, “I hid it under the ‘H’ yesterday. It was the last one and I had forgotten my wallet so…”

“So there’s not another one available?” She feels disappointed. Luna really wants to watch it, but there’s no way in hell she’s driving to her parents’ house just for the DVD. She could try to omit the boyfriend news, but she knew that they’d tell her to stay for dinner and eventually the feeling of guilt would appear and she’d end up spilling her guts to them.

He hesitated for a little, before telling her “no”.

“Great.” She’s pouting, and she knows it. But she really doesn’t want to spend the evening with her parents, as much as she loves them, and she refused Nina’s offer so now she’s out of plans and will have to spend it zapping through channels and hope she finds something at least a little interesting on a Wednesday night.

“Uh, if you want we could, um, maybe watch it together, um…” he speaks and pulls her out of her sulking, realizing a second later that he’s asking for her name.

“Luna. I’m Luna.” She offers him her hand, squeezing his slightly when he accepts it.

“Matteo. Nice to meet you, Luna.” He’s smiling, and she’s temporally distracted because he’s no longer cute, but very, very pretty.

And then she remembers his offer, “um, I don’t know about the movie, though. I can always watch another thing, honestly…” Matteo looks a little dejected by this, his smile dropping a little, and she can’t help but feel a little bad.

“It’s okay, I just thought I’d offer. I have great popcorn at home and everything.” He’s cringing as soon as he realizes he’s offering popcorn to lure her to agree.

“Great popcorn, huh?”

“The greatest.”

She thinks it over for a moment. Her brain knows it’s more cons than pros; neighbor or not, she’s just met him and knows only his name (not even the full one), that he lives in her building, that he apparently likes Grease and that he’s got great popcorn. Not exactly the best information. However, her hormones are telling her to agree, that even if she doesn’t know him that well this is the opportunity to.

“Hey, it’s cool if you don’t want to. I could always lend it to you after I’ve watched it.” His offer is nice, and logically speaking, it’s a great chance to see him again. But she wants to see it tonight.

“No, I want to, it’s just…” the I don’t know you hangs in the air and he smiles again, looking all pretty again and she’s super ready to ignore her brain.

“You can call a friend and tell her you’re with me if that makes you feel better. I promise I’m not a creep, or a murderer, and you’ll be completely safe; and I won’t get offended if you do, Luna.”      

She’s sold.

“Okay, fine. But I’m paying for the movie too.”

His smile turns into a grin and he nods, pointing to the cash register, where a bored teenager is waiting for costumers. “Shall we?”

-           

Twenty minutes later, she’s texting Nina she’s with him and they’re going to watch Grease together, as well as his full name (he’s a Balsano, no middle name) and the number of his apartment (turns out he’s just one floor above her), and to call her three hours from now to check up on her and save her if needed.

She’s surprised when Nina responds with “you finally met him?”

“what do you mean?” she texts backs quickly, confused.

“he’s one of Gastón’s bffs from Oxford. He’s been living above you for months.”

“WTF??????”

“where do you think Gastón went after dropping me off at your house?????”

She doesn’t respond after that, because Matteo appears from his kitchen with a bowl full of popcorn, two sodas and two bottles of water. Now that she knows he’s the same age as Gastón (only a year older), she’s lowkey glad he’s not over thirty years old. It would have been weird.

Luna waits until he’s seated next to her to ask him, “you know Nina and Gastón?”

Matteo looks just as shocked as she is, and then he puts two and two together, “you’re Nina’s Luna?”

“I’d like to say ‘you’re Gastón’s Matteo’, but neither of them has talked about you.”

He smiles at her, offering her a bottle of water, “I’m not surprised. I only met Nina twice, and she was mostly quiet and letting Gastón talk about our time in Oxford. He was the one who mentioned you the most.”

She blinks once, twice, and grabs the bottle from his hand, “really? Weird. Gastón usually leaves us alone within ten minutes of us being together, says our language confuses him.”

“He’s very grateful Nina had you while he was away. I think he believes that without you around she’d given up on their relationship without trying first.”

“Probably,” she admits. Nina needed to be encouraged a little to go after what she wanted; it was worse when she had been younger, but now it rarely happened. She was very proud of her.

“So, why Grease?” he asks after a moment, throwing some popcorn in his mouth.

“I could ask the same thing.”

He shrugs, “it’s a fun movie. The music is good, too.”

“You like the music?” she doesn’t know why she’s surprised, half the population knew at least You’re the One That I Want.

Matteo grins, “Faculty of Music, graduated with honors. Had to take a whole curse on Musicals.”

She’s impressed, and a little thrown off at this, “oh, I just assumed you studied Economics, like Gastón.”

“Nah. We were in the same dorm on Freshman year, rented a ‘flat’ the next year. Have been close ever since.”

“And you followed him to Argentina after graduation? Truest love, Nina should be jealous.” He knows she’s teasing him, and he laughs with her.

“She should. I’m gonna steal her man so fast she won’t even notice until last minute.” Matteo pretends to flip his hair, she’s laughing harder, “I didn’t really follow him, though. I lived here a couple years before I went to England, then went to Italy for a year, and came back.”

“Your Italian accent hasn’t gone away, yet.” She noted, grabbing some popcorn off the bowl. She also noticed the movie had been ready to play for over twenty minutes, but none had reached to press play, or seemed in a hurry to do so.

“I wasn’t even born in Italy, but in Paris. My parents are Italian, so I caught their accent, only lived in Milan five years and that was enough for the it to stick. I spent some time in Spain too, that’s where I learnt Spanish.”

“That’s so cool.” Even if her words could appear as sarcastic, her tone and expression said otherwise. Matteo’s cheeks turned a bit pink, but his face remained unaffected.

“So, you never told me why you wanted Grease.”

“I broke it off with a guy, decided to watch a movie that made me happy.” She shrugs it off, but she notices how he seemed to stiff a little at her comment. He’s about to apologize for bringing it up, however, she shakes her head, “no, it’s okay. I really didn’t like him that much, the six weeks we went out I just wanted to lit my hair on fire than to keep on dating him.”

“You should’ve texted him that.” Matteo jokes, and again, she notices how he relaxes after she’s spoken.

“My cousin, Ámbar, told me the same!”

“She’s smart, you should’ve listened to her.”

“I thought it was the pregnancy hormones talking but I think you’re as crazy and mean as she is.”

“What can I say? Great people think alike.”

“Crazy people think alike, you mean.” They both laugh and take a minute to catch their breath.

Luna takes it as time to put her feelings on check. It’s weird, honestly. She feels so… connected? In sync? Comfortable? It’s not like she doesn’t hit it off with other people easily, because she does, quite a lot really. She’s sociable, she’s nice and she has a natural charm, but most of the time it’s more platonic than anything.

Matteo doesn’t feel platonic enough to be in that category.

The popcorn is getting colder and he asks if she’s ready to watch the movie. She says yes.

It’s not until Rizzo pushes Sandy and Patty Simcox lands with the trashcan that it hits her.

“Matteo?” he hums in acknowledgement, turning his head from the T.V. to look at her, “was it really the only movie left?”

His eyes shine with mischief, but his smile and expression try to play it as innocence, “of course it was. If they had more in the back, though…”

[scenesplitterworld-blog]

It’s Not About the Shape – It’s About the Lie (An investigation into why flat earth hip-hop may seem merely stupid, but might actually be dangerous too: Electric Bugaloo)

Author’s Disclaimer: I’m sure that, like most people, most flat earthers are fine. Most people who rap about the shape of the place we all live on are probably fine. I acknowledge that the two dudes I profile in this investigation are probably the ISIS of your conspiracy movement. If you come across this article, and you’re a regular John or Jane Q. Flat Earther, please understand that your willfully ignorant belief has some truly disgusting expressions and intellectual underpinnings. So, with quite a bit of conscious irony, if you are a “moderate” flat earth truther, I exhort you to denounce your radically anti-Semitic fringe, particularly Eric Dubay. It may be a shitty presumption on my part, but I just assume that even you, hypothetical, humdrum Dale or Erma P. Flat Earther, are the kind of person to constantly post to FacePage that “moderate Muslims” must unceasingly denounce Al-Qaeda. And if, havin’ read through this, you’re the kind of person who’ll accuse me of being a “SJW” because I think promoting Holocaust denial is hugely problematic, eat shit; die mad with stank breath. But, if you’re a hardcore ODD TV or Dubay boy, please come at me, I’ll gladly take whatever you consider lumps. All that said, let’s listen to some real fringe fuckin’ hip-hop, shall we?

               I’ll bet most folks view people who believe the earth isn’t really round as nothing more than loons and larks. That’s how I started. Owing to a strange encounter I had with a feller at a show last winter, I had a picture of flat earth truthers as young, isolated, drunk, white dudes with dreadlocks wearing kneepads over their jeans saying gross things to pretty ginger gals. I was a little worried, but still mostly tickled, to discover that there’s a largish community of believers online. If you don’t get into the weeds of what belief in the flat earth entails, it’s easy to laugh it off as mere ignorant buffoonery, but, whoooooo boy, if you examine it closely, you’re in for one of the wildest, and surprisingly disturbing, rides of your life.

                 I stepped through the looking glass on accident, when I stumbled on this music video, “Cartoon Ball,” by ODD TV. At first, I clowned on it. Of course I did. Did you watch it? Christ. Dude’s shirt says “Never Sleep Again,” and he really looks like he ain’t slept because he’s in the early, still exciting days of a meth bender. I sent this video to friends and shared it on my timeline because I wanted to spread the chuckles. To be fair to ODD TV, I think he’s got legitimate talent. Not just on this track, but also throughout his catalogue, he’s got a catchy flow and his songs show a deft use of samples – for example, in the bluntly titled song, “Dear NASA, Why Are You Lying,” he takes the lyric “Space may be the final frontier, but it’s made in a Hollywood basement” from Red Hot Chili Pepper’s song “Californication,” and using that in a song about how the earth is actually not globe-shaped is, artistically, fairly dope. Not at all what the funky, cock-socked, SoCal, alt-rock, boys had in mind when they wrote the song, but that’s ODD TV’s genius. His video production, likewise, is slick. It’s much slicker than this other flat earther we’re gonna scrutinize in a sec, but one thing these guys share, which, I gotta say, is utterly derivative of almost every other conspiracy theorist with social media accounts, is referencing the Rowdy Roddy Piper flick, They Live. Guys. Give it a moratorium, right now, y’all have made it lazy.  

              Anyway, I got my giggles and moved on, right? Obviously not. After my mirth settled down, I found myself returning to “Cartoon Ball,” and for all my above praise, I wasn’t watching this weird shit again because I was real into the music. Nah, I think it was this lyric in particular: “God created the heavens and the earth / in a verse / but we’re livin’ in a Freemasonic Galaxy.” ODD TV doesn’t get into what he means by that, exactly, in this video – although, he gets into in in his oeuvre, bet your ass on that – because he’s focused mostly on rallying the viewer against NASA.

              But, on repeat viewing, you know, I caught this brief WTF nugget – a what the fugget, if you will: “We follow rapists and murderers / liars, thieves, and sun worshipers / sayin’ we can’t see curvature / ‘cause we’re all too small.” It’s the sun worshippers part that’s the sore thumb, right? Well, get ready for that sore thumb’s equally sore counterpart when ODD TV raps that believers in a spherical planet are “Stuck in the material domain of Satan.”

              Well, little ol’ me, Alice Donkey Boy Croix, was drawn further into the flat earth hip-hop scene by YouTube’s helpful recommendation. Oh, what a twisted Wonderland that turned out to be. But store those what the fuggets away for later use, Beloved Reader, they’ll crash back into pertinence again directly. Presently, we need to turn to how things got soooooo much more goddamned bonkers. The other cat I referenced briefly earlier, his name’s Eric Dubay, and he’s just about the whole rest of the haul of our investigation. So, settle in to peep this video, “Once You Go Flat.”

                Holy. Steaming. Shit. Y’all. Good. God. Damn.

              Right?

              Sorry to spring that diarrhea spray of hippo shit at you without much warning, but I wanted you to be as utterly gob-smacked as I was when Holocaust denial enters into things…and continues to spiral out from there. And just in case THAT was somehow an aberration from his mean, I watched this one. If you watched the first one, you already know to brace yourself, but, I cannot really stress enough that he, whew, he doubles down.

   So, let’s shelve the vegetarian polemic and uh…yeah…that was the most hardcore anti-Semitic thing I’ve ever experienced in musical form. Oh, you too? Neat. Look at us, Gentle Mentals, with all this shit in common!

              So, that video left my jaw on the fuckin’ floor, and that’s when I went over to www.ericdubay.com. I can neither confirm nor deny that visiting this page puts you on any sort of NSA list, but if the NSA is keeping tabs (hello, special agent, how are ya), it maybe should focus some attention on the shit our boy Dubay’s proudly posted here. Red flag it if you ain’t already, you may thank me later. Imagine that! The federales thanking little ol’ me!  

   BTW: we’re “in country” now, so maybe get your tin-foil helmet on.

              A few sick bars and a shocking affinity for the OG Nazis ain’t the only radical thing about our boy Dubay. He moves in circles so fringe that they consider Alex Jones to be part of the “controlled opposition.” Dubay’s even a truther against other flat earth truthers. He goes hard on The Flat Earth Society for being “controlled opposition,” by pointing out the idiocy of their theory for what is really going on with “gravity” on a flat earth, which is that the earth is like a pizza crust tossed continually upwards, so…things don’t really fall, they’re just kind of suspended until the ground catches up to them. Yeah. The idea of controlled opposition is that you get a shill to be a very vocal idiot in order to discredit the more “legitimate” conspiracy investigators who have come too close to the truth. But who controls the controlled opposition? Remember when I told you to remember ODD TV’s reference to the Freemasons? The Sun Worshipers? The Satanists? Dubay says it’s them. He says that both The Flat Earth Society and NASA are chock full of Masons, Masons who are behind these lies. He claims NASA agents – whatever those are – have murdered flat earth truthers to maintain their grip on this elaborate illusion. And, in a series of infographics, he ain’t shy in explicitly linking these nefarious Masons directly to, you saw it, the Jews. He’s one of these New World Order, Jew World Order types. I realized I tossed that off kinda casually – he’s just one of those types – but let me assure you, I don’t do it dismissively. Dubay compares the way this global Jewish cabal runs the world’s affairs to the orchestrated sturm und drang of televised professional wrestling.

              So you gotta wonder why lying about the shape of the earth is so important to our crypto-kosher overlords. I sure as fuck needed to know the answer to that myself, and, like any conspiracy theorists before him, this is where Dubay stumbles somewhat. He’s got 200 proofs for the truth of the flat earth, but he’s less articulate as towards the damnable “why” of it all. As I’ve been able to understand of his position, Eric Dubay believes we’re indoctrinated with the spinning globe model of cosmology, because if the global elite of Freemasonic Zionists can brainwash everybody on such a fundamental level as the ground beneath our feet, they can deceive and control us in any other sinister way they fuck well feel like.  

              Y’all, I’m a great many things. I’m not an astrophysicist, so, to be honest, I’m not really interested in engaging with the specifics of these dudes’ arguments regarding round versus flat, because – you know the Family Guy throwaway joke where Peter’s at the Cineplex helpfully pointing out when somebody in the movie says the movie’s title – to quote Mr. Dubay himself, “It’s not about the shape; it’s about the lie.”

              Before I get deeper into this shit – yeah, you thought you were down the rabbit-hole already – I want to point out that if you want to get all this from the horse’s mouth, the last twenty or so minutes of the two-hour FAQ video on his site is my source for all this. And since getting deeper into this gets pretty heavy, I think we need a bit of a levity break, so, I present a riff on a few screen grabs from that video.

               First of all, it’s hard to tell – among the things I am is poor of vision – it looks like the letter G has been replaced by the number 6 in the phrase “Sacred Geometry. The Great Architect of the Universe. Gravity.” 666 is metal, but in this case you’re using it in a way that’s way too mental to be heaviest, fam. The Jews are Satanists too, remember? Luciferian nonsense is a thing Alex Jones dabbles in also. Second, Pythagoras was the leader of a cult that worshiped numbers. Pythagoras literally had a motherfucker 86ed because he felt that the concept of pi was blasphemous and threatening to him personally as a cult leader. The reason I’m scratching my head is that you might know pi as a pretty foundational concept in calculating the circumference of the globe. Globe. So, if he’s part of a cabal bent on convincing you the world is round, why would he be so violently opposed to that squiggly little Stonehenge-lookin’, 3.14 on to infinitum meanin’, mathematical concept that would support the whole damn thing? Anyway, here’s another.

              I think this is supposed to be an Illuminati thing, but all it proves to me is that many people have fingers, and covering one eye is an easy way to look mysterious and sexy. It’s not like they’re all holding their hands the same way either. If a person were to try to argue that Eric Dubay himself is part of the controlled opposition, I think this could be evidence of “too dumb to be serious.”

              But I wanna get serious again. Back to the investigation. I wanted to know what made this dude tick. Call yourselves Ishmael, because ol’ Dubay became my white whale, only in this version, I think we spear the shit out of Moby Dick. Truly, I believe that in the final portions of that long ass video I’ve been talking about, we see into his core – and unlike the molten core of the round earth we sheeple foolishly believe in – the heart of Eric Dubay is a frozen, Jotunheim-esque, barren fearscape.

              Eric Dubay’s animating impulse is this: a deep, incomprehensible terror that humanity has no purpose in existence. He believes that subscription to the ideas of the Big Bang and subsequent evolution of life on earth via the mechanism of natural selection is subscription to a fundamentally nihilistic outlook; if humanity has no reason – as he sees reason – to be, the crisis in his soul would be too great to bear. And, sure, I get that. But he has not coped well with that adolescent existential angst. If the universe is a vast and vastly complicated place, it’s a scary place to be at the fringe of, so, to bridge the rift of this Lovecraftian horror inside himself, he’s put himself at the center of debunking a conspiracy to shroud our planet’s central location in the universe; our planet’s non-rotating position, which is to say a position of stability. Stability. Think about how comforting a concept that is. Purpose. Stability. Simplicity. These are not abnormal desires, but our boy Dubay’s gone about attaining ‘em in an abnormally toxic fashion. And he’s certainly doing his damnedest to create the fellowship he craves though all his media outreach. Can’t blame a feller for not wanting to feel alone…but when Holocaust denial is such a big part of your identity, it’s – to put it politely – extremely fuckin’ troublesome that you want others to believe as you do.

              Dear reader, Gentle Mental, “Hypocrite Lecteur,”* if you’re wondering why the fuck any of this matters, this here’s that part of the article; buckle the fuck up. I believe that never before in human history has the battle against propaganda been more vital to the survival of the species. I’m typing this on Sunday, October 15, 2017, and the last headline I read was about Kim Jong threatening to bomb Guam if Trump don’t shut the fuck up about him on Twitter. We’ve got fucking lunatics at the trigger; we’ve got so much evidence that the Kremlin orchestrated the most effective “hearts and minds” campaign of the internet age; we’ve got tactics of division being employed by the most cynical and unhinged people of influence. So why should this flat earth shit matter? We’ve got all that more important shit I listed, right? Because flat earth’s your gateway conspiracy. Pretty soon, you’re hip-deep in the most virulent Protocols of the Elders of Zion bullshit.** Some conspiracy theorists have the…decency’s not the right word, so let’s start over. Some conspiracy theorists are crypto-anti-Semitic. OBVIOUSLY not our boy Dubay. Lemme quote from his song “Blood Rituals,” “You are blind, so fuck what you say / I’ll expose the flat earth and hail Hitler all day.” That’s so obviously dangerous, and the ideas of flat earth and anti-Semitism are so clearly linked, that we shouldn’t need to dwell, so I’ll move us along with this tossed out aside: fuck you, Richard Spencer, for ruining Tiki Torches, but thank you for being conveniently illustrative of the point that being a ringleader for Nazi sympathizers does in fact correlate to assholes in the street beating people and murdering them indiscriminately with cars.

 *Editor’s Note: Goddamnit, DB! After I chewed your ass for quoting Yeats that last time, you have the nerve to bring this Baudelaire shit to the table? I want a picture of Spider Man on my desk TOMORROW!!

 **Author’s Note: For an wonderfully illuminating examination of the history and influence of Protocols of the Elders of Zion, I highly recommend the July 27, 2017 episode of a podcast called Knowledge Fight. (http://knowledgefight.libsyn.com/size/25/?search=Protocols+of+the+elders+of+zion) Hosts Jordan and Dan do a thorough job of linking this fraudulent document DIRECTLY to Alex Jones’ framing of his favorite nemesis, the Globalist bogeymen, and even David Icke’s Reptilians. Do yourself a favor and dive into this podcast whole hog.

                Provided that even one fewer gullible cocksucker buys into the dangerous worldviews of somebody like ODD TV, Alex Jones, or Eric Dubay, I will deem all efforts to expose their nonsense worthwhile, valid, and necessary. I don’t believe I’m virtue signaling when I speak out in order to shed light on hucksters’ efforts to spread dangerous racial, religious, or national divisions. It isn’t trivial to examine how those divisions may be spread insidiously as the necessary expression of these ideas; symptoms of the cancer, boils on the ass of the corpus scientia. Alex Jones is right about at least one thing: we are fighting an info war. He’s on the wrong side of it, to be sure, but it’s the same sort of info war Mike Pence fought in when he performed his indignant pageant at the ball game. And I don’t think that in speaking against any of this nonsense I’m beating a dead horse. And I believe that speech is action. If I reiterate a point, it is at least my humble intention to bring new nuance. I believe that the one person who was teetering on the fence but saw the truth of these bonkers narratives could be the one person who might have otherwise been the next to take a gun to something like a DC pizza joint to find out if interdimensional, shape shifting, child-molesting, psychic vampires run the government. Or do something so much more tragic in the name of bringing down whatever conspiracy it is they’ve been taken in by.

              This’s the rock I reckon I’ll die on, should anybody respectfully disagree. Thank you for your time, Gentle Mentals, friends, fiends, and foes alike. It’s time to pray.

[sarcastic-dogood]

Island of Misfit Delinquents Part 2

A/N: O wants to go to the zoo, Murphy advocates against Body Shaming, Jasper is zebra prejudice, and the gang runs into some trouble..... So like just any other typical day

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

5:15 am

Blake 2: *added Nathan Miller + JJ Goggles + Smol Son Monty to the group chat*

Blake 2: Which one of you sons of bitches is up for road trip to the Polis Zoo

Blake 1: I’ll gladly offer up my car to drive you back to where you belong among the wild beasts

Blake 2: KMGRKJFNBIFLK I’M TRIGGERED

Nathan Miller: I just spent the past three hours trying to get this lanky drunk dude in a neon pink spandex body suit and feather boa who was screaming obscenities at me home so count me as a no

King Azgeda: Wait I thought you were working last night. I didn’t know you were hanging out with Jasper

JJ Goggles: Don’t roast me like this 

Smol Son Monty: Yeah roast anything else about him but his body suit

Smol Son Monty: He’s very insecure about his figure

Murph-Man: WHO’S BODY SHAMING JAS I WILL FIGHT THEM

Commander Clarke: John Murphy- the hero I never knew our group needed

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Such a cliched anti-hero, that John Murphy

Caw Caw Little Birdy: BUT ALSO SAME BECAUSE I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO OFFENDS JASPER IN THE SLIGHTEST HOLD MY EARRINGS 

Blake 1: What a power couple

Blake 2: But for real lets go to the zoo today. Roan said he’d buy me a churro. Or twelve

King Azgeda: You’re definitely not having 12 churros 

Blake 2: You’re not my boyfriend anymore

King Azgeda: You’re definitely not having 12 churros CAUSE I WAS GOING TO BUY YOU 13 CHURROS

Commander Clarke: Nice save 

JONTAVIA GROUP CHAT

6:52

JJ Goggles: Hey O

Blake 2: Hey J

JJ Goggles: How would you feel about Monty and I sneaking alcohol into the zoo?

Smol Son Monty: HYPOTHETICALLY sneaking in alcohol

Blake 2: I’d say HYPOTHETICALLY maybe

JJ Goggles: I’ve always wanted to get drunk at the zoo and naked fight the zebras

Blake 2: OH MY SHIT

Blake 2: PLEASE

Blake 2: But what do you have against the zebras, Jas?

JJ Goggles: They’ve got SO many stripes. Like pick a single color you over-hyped up multi-colored horse fuckers

Blake 2: ?

Smol Son Monty: Don’t mind him. He’s already started pre-gaming

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

7:30 am

Caw Caw Little Birdy: For whoever is riding in my car to the zoo, your father and I are here outside Casa Blake

Murph-Man: Yes, it is I, your father. And you are all disappointments and the reason I drink

Commander Clarke: Awww it’s like I’m actually talking to my real parents

Blake 1: BABE OMG

Commander Clarke: Wow forgot to compartmentalize my feelings there for a second #wildin

Blake 2: Don’t worry, Clarkey. I got fruit snacks and juice pouches to help numb the pain 

Commander Clarke: Scooby-Doo ones?

Blake 2: Are there any other kind of fruit snacks?

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Like jinkies gang! Get in the Mystery Machine or Murphy’s pasty ass is the only one going to the zoo

Blake 1 + Commander Clarke

8:09 am

Blake 1: Remind me again why we decided to split up the cars into boys and girls?

Commander Clarke: Cause Raven, O and I aren’t about to spend the next two hours listening to you guys bitch about our music

Blake 1: You bitch about Taylor Swift one time....

Commander Clarke: I can assure you we will never forget

Commander Clarke: *I-Knew-Bellamy-Was-Trouble.vid*

King Azgeda created a new chat

9:54 am

King Azgeda: *named the chat Beastie Boys*

Murph-Man: I can’t believe youre subjectifying me to this 1987 swill 

King Azgeda: Appreciate the classics

Blake 1: NO SLEEP TILL

Blake 1: *guitar solo from the gods*

Blake 1: B R O O K L Y N

King Azgeda: FOOT ON THE PEDAL NEVER EVER FALSE METAL ENGINE RUNNING HOTTER THEN A BOILING KETTLE 

Smol Son Monty: Ya’ll sleeping on Boyz To Men

JJ Goggles: I got you little homie 

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

9:57 am

King Azgeda: Had to make a small pit stop

Blake 2: What why

Blake 1: Just needed to stretch our legs

Murph-Man: All of us

King Azgeda: In separate directions

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Did you guys sing I’ll Make Love To You by Boyz To Men to each other again?

Commander Clarke: fuck you guys we’ve been over this

JJ Goggles: Idk what those others losers are talking about 

JJ Goggles: I was going IN on that song

Murph-Man: Yeah and making direct eye contact while singing it to us

JJ Goggles: Masculinity so fragile #cantrelate 

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

10:32 am

Blake 2: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS

Commander Clarke: We’ve been waiting in the parking lot of the zoo for like 20 wtf

Caw Caw Little Birdy: O is starting to smell the fresh baked churros and honestly I’ve never been more afraid for my wellbeing 

Blake 2: HELLO

Blake 2: Listen here shit-for-brains 

Blake 2: You guys are going to get here and you are going to get here NOW

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Um pls hurry 

Smol Son Monty: NFJKVNFONVFONVM

Commander Clarke: Did you have a stroke while typing, Monty?

Blake 1: WE LITERALLY ALMOST JUST GOT MASS-MURDERED IN A GAS STATION FUCKLFNJENFBRU3

Nathan Miller: I have about eight million texts to read through but I’m glad I woke up to Bellamy’s frantic text about being deceased

Commander Clarke: Are you guys ok?!

JJ Goggles: We’re fine bUUUT Roan totally made me spill like half my flask down the front of my pants when he went to shield me and Monty with his chiseled upper body

King Azgeda: Sorry???

Nathan Miller: He’s a real fucking monster

Blake 1: Murphy went like MMA street fighter on this dudes ass

Blake 1: Like I’m not even kidding. This rando serial killer comes charging up to the cash register where we’re all standing and demands all the money and cigarettes and lotto scratchers

Smol Son Monty: And our wallets and anything expensive we had on us!!

Blake 1: He’s waving this gun around and the gas station clerk is scrambling around to gather all his demands. And then the guy turns around to us and puts the barrel right against mURPHY’S HEAD

Caw Caw Little Birdy: OHMYGOD

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Murphy are you hurt?! 

JJ Goggles: HURT!?!??

Smol Son Monty: he literally stEPS CLOSER TO THE GUY

King Azgeda: AND SMILES

Blake 2: FUCK. IT. UP. YAS BITCH

Blake 1: I honestly don’t even know what happened after that??? Like????

Blake 1: He’s literally standing there with the gun to his head one second and then the next he has this dude on the floor knocked tf out and with a broken wrist 

JJ Goggles: Like bone-popping-out-of-skin broken wrist 

Nathan Miller: I miss all the fun stuff :(

Murph-Man: Sorry the police just finished questioning me

Murph-Man: I’m all good Rey. Pinky Promise babe <3

The Island of Misfit Delinquents 

1:45 pm

Blake 2: Got my churros finally!!!!!!!!

King Azgeda: *churr-O’s happy dance.vid*

Commander Clarke: S’cute

Blake 1: Not as cute as Clarke tho

Murph-Man: I just barfed in my mouth

Smol Son Monty: Not to be like rude but the zoo is kinda underwhelming after the gas station

JJ Goggles: hella underwhelming 

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I’m just glad ya’ll are safe 

Commander Clarke: For real 

Blake 2: Don’t worry. Jasper is almost drunk enough to naked fight the zebras

Commander Clarke: what

Blake 2: what

JJ Goggles: Whhhhaaaaaaaaattttttttt

[shooting-the-walls]

The Empty Hearse: my inner monologue because I like writing these

I would just like to point out before we get going that I was rather a latecomer to this fandom. I got into it just as Season 4 was released, so early 2017. When this episode was released in 2014 I was only 10 years old!!! Still probably my favourite fandom though, the one I always find myself returning to.

Anyways, on with my crazy monologue!!

• We stan a quick rundown of the Depression of the Century

• #creepymaskmuch

• Molly be like "oh damn"

• Uno reverse bitches!!!

• Molly be like "YAAAAS"

• I'm sorry can we just acknowledge how hot the window jump is

• Bet John wished he could be Molly in that sitch XD

• DERREN BROWN MOTHERFUCKERS

• Still feel so sorry for John :(

• "BOLLOCKS"

• Greg is so fucking done with Anderson's theories XD

• "You're a guilty lil bitch Anderson, stfu": Lestrade 2k14

• "I BelIEVe iN sHErloCK HOLmeS"

• Eyyyyyyy Sherlock is not guilty!!!! (Obvs)

• When depression hits, get a (terrible) moustache bitches

• WE DON'T TRUST YOU MARY, DON'T ACT ALL NICEY NICE

• Ooooo helicopters and running, Mission Impossible style

• When you just..... give the fuck up

• When you can't stand that screaming so you just turn your music up

• I mean torture is pretty harsh man

• Of course Sherlock would deduce his way out XD

• When Mycroft just doesn't give a Single Shit

• WE STAN THE THEME TUNNNEEEEE

• John be like "nah imma just stare at this wall"

• Mycroft's got a fancy fucking office guys

• John stop tryna be Sherlock with your terrible imitation coat and scarf

• Mrs Hudson always cares for her adoptive sons, but she does with high sarcasm and sass

• Mycroft, why does your office look like a torture chamber??

• Benedict is HOT Jesus

• "Definitely. Enjoying it.": You! Don't! Appreciate! Your! Brother!

• 2 HOURS TO LEARN A BLOODY LANGUAGE!?!?! JESUS FUCK I DID 7 YEARS OF FRENCH AND I CAN BARELY HOLD A CONVERSATION

• Anthea prefers Sherlock to Mycroft, they have bitch sessions about him pass it on lol

• Mrs Hudson is so sassy and honest XD

• John you fucking liar you're not sorry

• Mycroft is so Done with his little brother XD

• Sherlock, stop personifying London dude

• "Yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips": Mycroft, the sarcasm is not needed

• MYCROFT TELL YOUR BROTHER WHAT HE FUCKING DID TO JOHN

• Mrs Hudson is such a fucking Queen

• "What's his name?"

• "Sherlock was not my boyfriend": YES HE FUCKING WAS SHUT UP

• "I AM NOT GAY": wow, denial is high there John

• Mrs Hudson ships Johnlock more than the rest of the fandom combined XD

• Mycroft: "oh yeah but the other wine is like so much better. Anyways, your bff hates you now byeeeee"

• I LOVE THE MUSIC IN THE RESTAURANT SCENE GEEEEZ

• Sherlock is such a fucking little twat when he wants to be lol

• "Would I suggest you look at this menus, it's... completely identical"

• THE ACCENT. THE FUCKING ACCENT. I'M WHEEZING

• The way he's just tryna be like "look at meeeeeeee" and John gives not a single fuck

• "Surprise me" "certainly endeavouring to, sir"

• Awwwwwww hey Mary

• John is such an awkward lil hedgehog

• Mary: I agree I'm the best thing that could have happened to you

John: bitch you're not Sherlock

• SHERLOCK FUCK OFF

• Oh damn. OH DAMN.

• John just having a mini mental breakdown here

• "Short version. Not dead."

• John looks like he's about to kill someone (preferably Sherlock)

• "Oh God" "Not quite"

��� SHERLOCK STOP MAKING BAD JOKES ABOUT THE MOUSTACHE SITCH

• The look in Sherlock's eyes when he realises that John isn't happy to see him

• #deflectiontechniques

• HE LOOKS IN SO MUCH PAIN ON THE FLOOR BABBBBYYYYYY

• In the cafe, Sherlock just looks like a kid that's like 2 hours late home

• "You know for a genius you can be remarkably thick"

• "That's a little more difficult to explain" "I've got all night bitch"

• "Just your brother, Molly and a hundred tramps"

• I love that they end up in a chip shop XD

• John, your moustache is terrible. Accept it lol

• "One word to let me know that you were alive"

• Mary just laughing her head off in the corner XD

• Sherlock: BITCH STFU IT'S A SECRET (whilst entire chip shop is listening in)

• *headbutt*

• "I said sorry, isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

• Mary knows what's up BUT SHE A LIAR

• SHERLOCK LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CRY WHAT A SWEETIE

• Honestly don't know why Mollie looks so shocked, like she knew he was alive

• Greg is just like a proud Papa

• "Oo you bastard!"

• Sherlock being vaguely confused/irritated by a hug XD

• BBC, can we talk about the random shot of the back of Una Stubbs' throat?

• THEY EVEN GOT ONE IN FOR THE SHERIARTY SHIPPERS, HAVE THEY JUST COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT JOHNLOCK :(:(:(

• Anderson just doesn't ship Sheriarty XD

• Think the Chip Shop Argument got spilled lol

• Mary is having the time of her life reading the blog XD

• Mary really ships the boys right from the start lol

• "I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes" "You should put that on a t-shirt"

• "SHERLOCK HOLMES GET DOWN FROM THAT SOFA OR SO HELP ME GOD--": Mrs Holmes 1983-present

• The terror alert is on critical and these bitches are just playing chess

• Ngl, missed the burgundy dressing gown

• "Oh bugger!"

• WE STAN THE BROTHERS PLAYING OPERATION

• SHERLOCK'S IMITATION THO

• Mycroft be so defensive

• "Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on until we met other children" "Oh yes, that was a mistake" "ghastly. What were they thinking of?" "Probably something about making friends": I feel SO sorry for the Holmes parents XD

• Mycroft, I think your brother is trying to set you up with a lil someone (

• "Change the subject. Now"

• Mrs Hudson: :)

• "He's pleased to see you underneath all that--" "Which of us??" "Both of you"

• PLAY DEDUCTIONS WITH YOUR BROTHER MYC

• Sherlock straight in there with the gender equality

• Sherlock: Icelandic sheep wool bitch

Mrs Hudson: ah yes, because the world need a blog on that -_-

• THE CURLS ARE AT A PEAK GUYS

• "I'm not lonely": yes you are stfu

• I love the wink to Mrs Hudson :)

• Mrs Hudson really wants her boys back lol

• Loving the use of transitions to show how much of a dick John is being to Sherlock lol

• "Have dinner?" "Solve crimes?"

• Molly knows she's replacing John really

• "Weight loss, hair dye, botox, affair, lawyer. Next!"

• Sherlock is so gentle with the poor woman :)

• I LOVE THE OLD GUY SO MUCH LOL

• John is so fucking convinced he's right, but it's kinda sad that he doesn't think Sherlock will respect his personal space (because he never has before): JOHN SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANTS SHERLOCK THERE

• Can we just agree that Sherlock is such a sweetie and that it is heartbreaking that John is now his awful internal monologue because he's convinced he hates him after how he reacted once he returned?

• Lestrade just being a concerned dad in the background

• Molly and Lestrade are both just so spooked out

• *dramatically blows dust off book*

• HE WANTS JOHN BACK SO BAD awwwwwwwwwwwwww

• Quick aside, but I have a friend who is a train fanatic (he's coming to prom on a steam thingy) and the train dude reminds me of him lol

• WE LOVE A LIL BIT OF MIND PALACE WORK

• "Excuse you": JOHN YOU SASSY QUEEN

• John: Makin' my way downtown, walkin' fast, getting kidnapped and I fall down

• "Did you get him off a murder charge" "Nope helped him put up some shelves"

• "Do you fancy chips?": HANG ON A MOMENT. In S4E2 Sherlock states that "You're suicidal you're allowed chips. Trust me I should know". Does that mean..... oh Jesus, Sherlock, you little sweetie, you need to talk to someone

• ON PRINCIPLE I HATE SHERLOLLY BUT IT'S ALSO SO SWEEEEEEEEEEET

• *when you wake up after a night out and you don't know where the fuck you are*

• Sherlock is just immediately alert like: wtf is wrong with my John

• The chips just... don't matter, okay

• When you steal a motorbike to help your bff

• I'M SORRY BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE LIKE A 16 YEAR OLD SHERLOCK ROARING AROUND SUSSEX ON HIS LITTLE MOPED AND HIS MOTHER YELLING AT HIM FROM DOWN THE ROAD TELLING HIM SHE'S GOING TO KILL HIM IF HE DOESN'T GET HOME RIGHT NOW XD

• Ngl having the little kid right at the front is real creepy

• But like can you imagine Sherlock and John going to bonfire nights with Rosie when she's a bit older and both of them being dead tense as they watch the bonfire being lit?

• LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER BITCH

• The fact Sherlock figures it out JUST as the bonfire lights up: PERFECT

• Sherlock, with a complete disregard for his own safety: *jumps into a fire and drags John out before tearfully begging him to be okay*

Hetero shippers: ah yes, what a good male friendship

• I LOVE THE HOLMES PARENTS SO MUCH

• I love Sherlock's face lol: he is SO done

• Sherlock totally resembles his mother in terms of personality

• I think the fact this is Benedict's parents makes that scene a million times better: do you think that's how he wants to act during the small talk sometimes XD

• Mr Holmes just looks so Done, and Mrs Holmes is just like "fuck it I'm used to this"

• "She worries!": well of course she bloody does, one son is the British Government, the other is a recovering drug addict who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high and her daughter is locked up in a secret facility

• "Promise?" "...promise": HE LOVES HIS MUM AND DAD REALLY

• Tbf John, you couldn't expect the poor guy to lead his parents on like that, really

• John stop making bad puns

• "Is it to get to you through me?": JOHN KNOWS WHAT'S UP

• Awwwwww he's got his John back and he's just so happy

• Aw c'mon, you've gotta admit that a bit of Sherlock's massive concern is for his brother being in parliament that night

• I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T HELP THINKING OF THE PARENTLOCK EDIT OF THE FACETIME BIT

• "Illegal!" "A bit": yeah, like this is anything new tho John XD

• "I don't understand" "well that's a first": JOHN LIVES ARE AT STAKE STOP BEING A SASSY BITCH

• *sudden flashback to the great game and the painting*

• I actually love the scene in the train carriage so much, because even though it ends up with Sherlock being a little bastard to get John to admit his feelings, I like how it demonstrates that everyone expects Sherlock to know everything all the time, and that's a very unrealistic expectation: despite the fact he hates it, he is only human, and I think this scene nicely acknowledges that

• Two bros, chilling in a tube train, trying not to freak out cos they might die!

• Sherlock: ooooopppsss, John, might have just set off this fucking bomb :/

• "Mind palace!"

• "You think I've just got how to diffuse a bomb tucked away in there!?" "YES!" "...maybe"

• Sherlock may be a little bitch but you have to admit he's a bloody good actor

• John, the whole way through the tube scene: wtf wtf wtf wtf

• "I wanted you not to be dead!" "Well, be careful what you wish for": Sherlock, sweetie, it almost sounds like you wish you were dead.....

• AWWW HE FORGIVES HIM GUYS

• I wanna know what that information Mycroft gave Moriarty was

• "His death wish": yeah, let's be honest Moriarty was just like "I crave heckety heck death"

• How difficult do you thunk Sherlock found it up on that roof, having to tell John all of that??

• You've gotta admit that it was a pretty good plan

• You can bet that all the conspiracy theories were on Anderson's wall XD

• THE GIGGLING JESUS

• "You COCK"

• "You said such nice things, I never knew you cared :)"

• "I will kill you if you EVER-" "scouts honour" "BREATHE A WORD OF THIS ANYONE"

• "Terrorists can get into a lot of trouble if they don't have an off switch"

• "Oh please, killing me. That was so 2 years ago": WE STAN

• Mycroft is just so desperate to get out of Les Mis: "but the pain. The HORROR"

• Lestrade just seems a little disappointed

• John tryna act surprised at Tom XD

• SHERLOCK'S FACE (the memeeeessss lol)

• WE STAN OUR TWO FAVE BOYS TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS

• Sherlock is just so determined

• Sherlock: oh yeah heard your graveside speech btw, super sweet

• YES THE HAT BITCHES: OUR FAVOURITE DETECTIVE IS BACK

• OOOO CREEPY MAGNUSSEN NUGGET AT THE END THERE

[rough-tweed-action]

🔥 about tjlc and the tinfoil hat conspiracists

This is a tough one. I'm guessing my opinion (why are they doing this to themselves?) is actually a popular one. So, an unpopular opinion about these people, hmm.

Have you seen Rowan Atkinson's sketch about Toby the Devil? He welcomes souls to hell and divides them into groups: murderers, thieves, French and lastly, Christians. 'Christians? Ah yes, I’m sorry, I’m afraid the Jews were right.' Apart from being hilarious, it makes me wonder: what if we, the non-johnlockers, are wrong and they are right? What if everything I think I know about Sherlock is wrong because I'm a straight, adult woman and judging from the post-TFP dramatic posts, the majority of the cult consists of gay youth. What if BBC Sherlock really is a romantic story and I saw none of that because I'm biased?

What if they were rightfully angry after series 4? I mean, from what I heard, they predicted TAB's content pretty well. Maybe they aren't as delusional as we think. Maybe they were, in fact, portrayed on the show not only as the First TJCLer Hudders but also as the league of furies. Maybe today's gay youth needs more recognition than suffragettes. I don't know.

What if Mofftiss did betray them? What if they intentionally made Sherlock gay and John bi to attract the attention of gay fans? What if they wanted to give them the kiss, but the BBC didn't let them?What if Mark Gatiss, who seems like a lovely person, is actually the evil incarnate and a homophobic, cruel gay who likes to torment people like him? How can I tell? I don't know him. What if Mofftiss are lying liars who lie about lying about lying about lying and they really are playing a long game here. Maybe they intentionally made series 4 not gay and hurt the fans only to make the kiss in series 5 sweeter? Who can tell?

Did Gatiss honestly tell gay fans via Mary that it doesn't matter who they really are? Would he do that? Will he and Moffat butcher Dracula and make him not explicitly gay?

What if I, a Sheriarty shipper, completely misinterpreted the Moriarty episodes? What if Sherlock is, in fact, scared of Moriarty and there's no chemistry? Perhaps Sherlock wanted to catch Moriarty to save John and be gay with him? Could the Sheriarty content be just a cynical milkshake to lure the hungry Fannibals to the yard? What if the Sheriarty scene from TAB was not sentimentally and sexually charged? What if Moriarty's motivation was 'if I can't have you, then no one can'? WHAT IF SHERLOCK JUST HAD A GUN IN HIS POCKET AND WASN’T PLEASED TO SEE HIM?

What if Adlock isn't canon? Is Irene's theme really a johnlock theme? The person who deflowered Sherlock, Irene or John? Were Irene's pupils dilated because she was scared? Did she say 'Well I am [gay], look at us both' to prove there was no Adlock, not because saying 'Well I am bisexual' would make no sense? Were all the reminders of Irene meaningless? Do I ship it bc I'm straight? Was I.... straight-baited?

Was it a coincidence that Sherlock said 'I'm you' to Jim and played Irene's theme when asked to play himself? Was the Adlock/Sheriarty mash-up (TAB) unimportant? Is Sherlock actually attracted only to his exact opposite, John boring dull predictable Watson?

What if that Arwel guy is not a funny person who likes elephants and things that glow? What if he taunted the cult with gay elephants all those years? I'm actually surprised to have heard of the Eurus' glass elephant just recently and not from a cult member. Huh. Is the glowing skull a secret sign? What if the billboards from HLV were not a coincidence?

And what if all the small inconsistencies like the disappearing John from the T6T scene with Hopkins are, in fact, important? Look, as a Holmescest shipper, I watched the Unwise, brother mine scene many, many times. Two inconsistencies there. 

What if the First TJLCer and John are actually likeable characters? Is John's abusive behaviour excusable bc of sexual frustration and being closeted? Was his awful comment about Mycroft (what goes around comes around) justified? We may never know.

Is johnlock actually a sweet, lovely, vanilla ship, romantic and pure? Despite all the women deceived and used to stop the gossip? It bothers me, actually. Maybe it's because I think that honesty in any relationship is crucial. Did Sherlock and John really flirt with each other in Mary's or Irene's presence? Did John make a decision to marry Mary just to prove he's straight, although he could have just ditch the bitch and make out with his loved-up booooooooooyfriend? Is it ok for a bi-curious person to lie to their straight partner and use them a shield? Should I root for a gay couple who try to get together on the fucking WEDDING RECEPTION in front of the clueless bride? Is this good? Do I find it disgusting and inexcusable bc I'm not gay? Maybe it is a gay fantasy, the opposite of the hetero wish to turn a gay person straight?  Mystery.

Is this theory that the true villain of BBC Sherlock is anyone who thinks Sherlock is not gay right? Do I erase an important part of his personality bc I don't want Sherlock the fictional character to be happy the way he should have been from the start? Was ACD inspired by Oscar Wilde and the original Sherlock Holmes was in as gay as Wilde? Did Watson invent Mary Morstan to be safely gay with Holmes?

Is the unaired pilot gay and I can't see it bc I am not? Did Sherlock say that he knew being gay is fine not because John said his 'which is fine' the way I say 'I do like the Germans and I’m not scared of the German nationalism and do not resent them for using the most hideous language in the world, no sir'? Did Sherlock never correct the people who assumed he was John's boyfriend not because he simply didn't care what they thought about him?

What if Mary killed herself to make Sherlock commit suicide? What if Sherlock hated her the whole time and only pretended he liked her, so very convincingly? Did he and John conspire to murder her while she was heavily pregnant and sipped tea in John's chair? Was she the real Moriarty? Did she work for CAM? For Mycroft? Did the homicidal Sherlock and John try to protect her from Ajay because... they wanted to kill her themselves?

Was the Warstan reunion in HLV not sweet and realistic but sinister? Did John threaten her while she was pregnant with his child?

Is the *sigh* M theory true? Moriarty, Mary and Magnussen using Mycroft to destroy johnlock? Because nothing else that universe is more important than these two Brits licking Marmite off the other's prick.

What if our perception of the acronym cult is wrong? Maybe it's not just toxic. Maybe it helps its members embrace their sexuality. Maybe they were just trying to defend themselves? Maybe the only member who needed therapy was one of the leaders? Was it ok for another leader, the one who's still active, to respond to my message by going through my blog and judging the content? Despite my having mentioned twice in the message that I was just curious and had no evil intentions. I'm no expert.

Is the concept of a slow-burn romance (with a huge portion of miscommunication) between John and Sherlock possible? Wouldn't Sherlock just say: 'John, we should kiss, for science!' or John, when Sherlock returned, 'I have missed you so much. Don't ever leave again. Also, I love you, I can say this now.'

Did the suggestion to name the baby Sherlock actually meant 'I wish we have got married, I'd love to be your Sherlock Watson'? Did John the free widower say 'the chance doesn't last forever' and put so much emphasis on the word 'alive' because... I dunno, really.

Does John's 'I am not gay/not Sherlock's boyfriend' mean: 'I'm bisexual and would love to show Sherlock some military discipline'? Wouldn’t bi-John feel comfortable with Hudders, enough to tell her his secret?

Was John's reaction to Mary's death really less emotional than his reaction to Sherlock's suicide?

Was John's WTF when Janine strode out of Sherlock's bedroom jealousy and not the strong feeling that Sherlock either changed overnight or was doing some serious bullshitting?

Is Sherlock’s reaction to Janine and that other female character flirting with him a definite proof that he does not want to offer his virginity to a woman? Even... The Woman?

Was the idea of Warstan bad enough to make Sherlock suicidal on FIVE separate occasions? I counted: the sad, suicidal chips in TEH, the conversation with Sholto through the door, the post-wedding relapse that was NOT for a case, the TAB overdose and the TLD relapse. Dude. Sherlock, son, maybe find a hobby.

Did Mofftiss lose their minds and made not one but TWO 'all in your head' series? Is John dying? Is Sherlock in a coma? Was Eurus real? Is Redbeard a dog? Do I care?

Are Adlock and Smallcroft shippers delusional bc both Holmes brothers are so obviously gay? Is it all right to say that a character's sexual orientation cannot be different from the actor's (but only if the actor is gay)? Does Gatiss have a right to play or create non-gay characters?  Is he morally obliged to make every Sherlock character gay? Does he owe anything to the gay community?

What if having your otp work together and raise a kid together is not enough?

WAS THE LAZARUS REAL? I do agree with finalproblem on this particular subject, 100%.

Is Jim Moriarty alive? Is Mary alive? Is Rosie real?

IS FUCKY a real, useable word?

WAS IT HUDDERS WHO SAID 'SOFTER, SHERLOCK' IN TFP??? That old, stoned witch, I knew I shouldn't trust her.

WHAT IF THERE WILL BE A LOST SPECIAL/LOST GAY BAR SCENE/THE KISS AND WE, THE NON-BELIEVERS/CASUAL ANTIS, WILL DIE OF SHOCK AND CHOKE ON OUR HOMOPHOBIA?

WHAT IF IT WAS TWINS???

Seriously, though. Do I think conspiracy theorists are crazy in real life? No. I think I'm fairly normal despite my strong belief that General Sikorski was murdered by the British. I will NEVER accept that it was an accident. Never. 

Thank you, that was a journey. 

[supernatural-firstwatch]

Season 2 Episode 13: Houses of the Holy

- Well that’s not creepy at all. She changes the channel from a preaching pastor on TV and the lights start flickering. I swear to God, if my lights ever start flickering and there’s no storm outside, I am grabbing my cat and running the fuck out of my house.

- Well, that’s not freaky at all. Pastor starts going on about hearing the glory of God and suddenly there’s a blinding white light in her apartment as the whole place shakes and she thinks she’s being visited by an angel?

- And now she’s in a psych ward and Sam is pretending to be her shrink, LOL! 

- OMG Dean. I can’t even. One of those shaking cheap motel beds. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! He looks so relaxed. LOL!!! Sam had him on lock down because he made the 11 o’clock news. AGAIN! but if they know about Dean AND Sam, why is it that they’re not circulating a picture of Sam too?

- UNICORNS ARE REAL DEAN!!! DON’T DISS THE UNICORNS!!!! Their hair makes great wands! And if you believe in demons, how can you not believe in angels??? SAM’S RESPONSE!!! “Wait, there’s no such thing as unicorns?” And he looks so forlorn!

- Oh look, someone else was visited by an angel. And just killed a guy. 

- Dean needs a distraction so badly. LOL!!! “Dude, I’m not enabling your sick habit! You’re like one of those lab rats that keeps pushing the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.” “What are you talking about? I eat.”

- I keep having to Google actors/actresses to get the references Dean keeps making. DEAN! How do you know that Roma Downey played an angel in Touch by an Angel?? That does not seem like your type of TV series. Anything you’d like to fess up??

- I find it VERY interesting that Sam has been praying and his family didn’t know. And Sam’s been doing that a long time, which implies he started doing it before he went to Stanford while he was still living with John and Dean. And I’m going to make an educated guess that John did NOT pray, seeing as Dean doesn’t pray. 

- WHY IS THE STATUE SHAKING AROUND SAM??? DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH THE DEMON AND THE KIDS STUFF?? Or is he going to be visited by an angel now? WTF!!! HE IS BEING VISITED BY WHATEVER THE FUCK! Nooo!!! Nononono!!!! WE TELL DEAN THESE THINGS! WE TELL DEAN THAT WE WERE VISITED BY A WEIRD LIGHT!!!

- Ok, good, at least Dean is on the uptake on that one and figured out what happened. AWWW!!! Their mom believed in angels :( I like it when we learn more about Mary. I wish we knew more. Can’t blame Dean for not believing considering what they’ve been through. 

- And now Dean is going to have to stop Sam from stabbing someone through the heart. Great. Have fun with that, Dean! But will Sam listen to Dean and go do the sceance?? Oh, he is! And the dude picked up someone and they’re going on a date... And Sam got caught by the priest, lol. AWH! It was Father Gregory! WOAH! FATHER GREGORY WAS TELLING PEOPLE TO GO MURDER OTHERS! Not very fatherly of him. But spirits are very weird about their purposes once they’re dead.

- WOAH! The car is gone! But Dean found it just in time!

- Awh, Sam wants redemption. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, SAMMY!!! NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT!!! my boy is full of angst. That was a very peaceful way of putting a spirit to rest.

- Dean, what are you going to do? Barrel him down with the Impala? You wouldn’t risk Baby. Well, nevermind! Someone got smitten anyway! Through the heart! 

AWH!!! SAM!!!! That was a heartbreaking confession from Sam. All he wants is to believe that there’s some good in the world, a higher power of good and that maybe he can be saved. ;(    And ironic since Dean now is on the fence about God and Angels and whether they exist. These eps are so good. I love the character development in this series.