#duality chapter 10

[savage-rhi]

Duality

Chapter 10: The Message

Summary: Sawyer Kiddo has walked a razor's edge as a hacktivist for several years, driven by the loss of her family in the Raccoon City incident. Haunted by past choices and fueled with desire for vigilante justice, Sawyer's work takes an unexpected turn when she ventures to Spain and crosses paths with Luis Serra—a man with blood on his hands long thought to be dead. Together they unravel a web of corruption and face an impending bioterror threat, fighting not only monsters but also the darker elements of their humanity. As they delve deeper into each other's pasts and the conspiracy at large, Sawyer begins to sense something unsettling about Luis—something that might be even more dangerous than their mutual enemies.

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"C'mon…" 

Luis's voice barely escaped his lips, a hushed plea directed more at himself than the specimen under his eyes. His hands hovered over the micromanipulator, fingertips trembling as they gripped the control knobs. Each minuscule adjustment translated into even tinier movements of the fine-tipped instruments, guiding them with a precision that could only be fueled by pure spite or insanity. Luis wouldn't be surprised if he held elements of both emotions, swallowing as his anticipation grew. 

The parasitic specimen held fast on the left side of the petri dish and began to writhe as Luis carefully stabbed it, injecting a serum he had spent many sleepless nights perfecting. His heart whipped in his chest as the translucent worm took on a faint purple hue, its insides becoming more visible as the seconds ticked. He could see everything down to its tiny heart beating fast. 

This has to work...

After weeks of failures and watching his efforts crumble, today had to be different. Luis could feel it in the air that luck was on his side. 

When the serum was fully distributed, Luis withdrew the needle, surprised that the creature remained calm—stable, even. He waited for a minute and watched for any signs of distress. A tiny glimmer of hope ignited within him, acknowledging this was already a huge milestone. Most specimens didn't get this far. 

Luis tore his gaze away from the lens just long enough to fill another syringe with blood, muscle memory guiding his hands while his mind stayed locked on the possibilities unfolding before him. He administered the red blood cells into the petri dish and quietly returned to the microscope to watch the worm's reaction.

He was so engrossed in the process that Luis didn't notice the lab door creak open.

"Dr. Serra," a voice broke through the silence, jarring him.

"One moment." Luis's response was curt, almost a whisper. He couldn't afford to look away now, not when the worm was inching toward the red blood cells, its newly purple form shimmering under the light. The cells seemed to call to it, drawing it in as the creature slinked closer. 

Then, the battle began. 

White blood cells suddenly emerged like soldiers on a battlefield, converging on the worm with force. Some lagged, tending to the red cells first, while the rest charged into the fray.

Luis watched, transfixed as the tiny organisms carried out their mission. He couldn't help but marvel at the sight, his lips tugging into a small smile despite the suspense coiled in his gut. He started naming them in his mind, and each cell and the worm became characters in a micro-universe drama. Luis knew he shouldn't anthropomorphize them, but it was a small comfort in his exhaustion. He couldn't help himself, naturally loving spinning tales to keep his mind sharp.

Luis quietly noted the white blood cells were ruthless, latching onto the worm as it squirmed frantically to escape. Of course, it became overwhelmed and started to die, freezing in place while its attackers continued the pursuit. Then something incredible happened—the serum within the worm began to anchor the cells to it, drawing them into its body. He counted at least fifty individuals joining when the metamorphosis started, the cells fusing within the worm to create something new. Its body increased a few millimeters, tendrils extending from its sides as a soft glow pulsed around the worm like a blinking star in the silence of space, and then it moved again—a creature reborn. 

Luis exhaled, not realizing he had been holding his breath. His hands shook as he reached for a sterile petri dish housing another worm specimen without the serum, transferring the newly altered creature with a pipette. He switched out the dishes, adjusting the microscope until the two worms came into focus, side by side.

The purple worm wasted no time latching onto its counterpart with savage intent. The tiny struggle before Luis felt monumental, like witnessing a war of titans in miniature. He swallowed hard. This was it—the culmination of all his work, his sacrifices, and his sleepless nights. As he watched the purple worm overpower its rival, its tendrils sinking into the body like thousands of little daggers, Luis felt triumph for the first time in ages. 

"C'mon, c'mon…" 

He spoke too soon. 

The purple worm had been so close, but the light faded like a candle snuffed out by an unseen hand. The once-vibrant color turned ashen, its life draining away, leaving nothing but a shriveled-up body. The other worm seized the moment, slinking away from the threat as it broke free from its rival's grasp. 

"Jódeme!" The curse tore from Luis's lips. He yanked his hands away from the device, frustration boiling over while he slumped back into his chair. His head tilted toward the ceiling, eyes squeezed shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. (1)

"Another failed test run?" 

A soft voice pulled Luis back to the present. He'd nearly forgotten Dr. Smith was in the lab with him. He hummed in response, the sound more of a weary exhale than an answer. For a moment, he didn't have the strength to speak.

"And then some," Luis finally said. He forced himself to sit up and spin around to face her, his eyes trailing up to meet her concerned gaze. Smith offered an apologetic smile, and he couldn't help but smirk, though it didn't reach his eyes. 

"I don't recall asking for a pity party now, Olivia."

"I wouldn't stoop low for your amusement, Lulu." she shot back, her attempt at lightheartedness faltering as she shook her head. "Maybe it's time to put Singularity on the back burner for a while. Work on something else, get a fresh perspective. You've been at this for six months, honey." 

Luis frowned. The idea of abandoning the project, even temporarily, struck a nerve. He lost count how many times the other members of Team 6 tried to lure him away from his baby, and he wasn't having it. 

"No, I can't do that now," he insisted, his tone proud as he sat up straighter. "I'm this close! I can feel it! And you know me—I can't let go of an idea once I've sunk my teeth into it."

"An idea? More like hyperfixation," came a tired voice from the doorway. Luis and Smith turned to see Dr. Clouret shuffling in, looking like he'd been running on nothing but coffee and frayed nerves.

"Hey, Soldadito!" Luis greeted, forcing a smile as he waved. Clouret shot him a withering glare, muttering a French curse under his breath. (2)

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Clouret grumbled, his eyes darting to Smith. "Olivia."

"Yeah, Jean?" She raised an eyebrow.

"How are things in Sector 3?"

"Peachy as ever," she sighed, the exhaustion in her voice mirroring his own. "Chief Alvarez has been riding our ass hard to accelerate the intelligence growth in the T-Virus-infected rabbits."

"She's a piranha like that!" Luis quipped, his tone edged with sarcasm. Even as his peers laughed, the sound felt hollow in his ears, the humor doing little to alleviate the sense of defeat clinging to him.

"She needs to get laid," Clouret huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Might improve her mood."

"Speak for yourself!" Luis retorted, trying to inject some fun into his voice, though Clouret's glare almost made him regret it.

"Anyway!" Smith quickly interjected, stifling her remaining giggles as she steered the conversation back on track. "We've made some progress, but the bad news is if she wants us to meet the Tyrant Theory deadline, we're going to need three more researchers on deck."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Why not take Junior here with you?" Clouret gestured at Luis with a snort, grinning at the man's expense. "He's been nose-deep in bugs and worms for ages. It's about time he got some air."

"Y'know," Smith chimed in, her grin widening as she turned her attention to Luis, further cornering him. "I was just telling Dr. Serra he should step back!"

"Tempting, but no thanks!" Luis shook his head, forcing a smile. "As much as the T-Virus gives me a tent like it does you and the higher-ups, it's not my thing."

"Alvarez is eventually going to slam you headfirst into viral applications kicking and screaming, you know that, right? She's not a patient woman." Clouret sighed, already going through the motions to prep his station.

"Jean has a point," Smith's grin faded into a frown. "Everyone knows parasites are your bread and butter, Luis, but Umbrella's pushing for more viral tests these days."

Luis sighed. “Yes, and? Dime algo que no sepa…” (3)

"I'm not saying your theory on exploiting parasitic properties to boost immunity isn't a good idea, but Project Singularity hasn't hit the ground running since your last trial, and you know the funds are getting slim, thanks to the American branch. I don't want to see you digging money out of your pocket to keep it alive. And we all know how it breaks your heart when our volunteer subjects fail the tests. You gotta give yourself a break from all the suffering, Lulu."

Luis's shoulders slumped; she had him beat there with the latter remark. He remembered what became of the last Jane Doe that he worked with, the poor woman infected with blood flukes who signed her rights over to Umbrella to try and save herself from late-stage schistosomiasis since she couldn't afford hospital treatment. Although it had been weeks, he still couldn't get the screaming out of his head. He couldn't forget how one tiny flaw in his serum cost someone their life. 

"I know," Luis finally admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. His free hand fumbled through his lab coat for a cigarette, something to distract him from the growing sense of failure chewing at his gut. He placed it between his lips, wetting the end while he dug for his lighter and stood up.

"If it stops everyone's bitching for a while," Luis mumbled, resignation in his voice, "I'll put in two shifts for Sector 3 this Thursday and Friday. As long as I'm only working at the main lab station. I don't think I can stomach poking and prodding anything for a while after today."

Smith's face lit up, her gasp filled with relief. "You mean it?!"

Luis nodded. He cupped his left hand around the cigarette's tip, flicking his lighter to life with the other. The tiny flame seemed inconsequential compared to the fire burning within him, yet he welcomed the distraction.

"Hé, hé, hé!" Clouret suddenly exclaimed, snapping his fingers toward Luis. "Not in here!" (4)

Luis couldn't help but laugh.  "What are you, mi padre?" 

He threw his arms out to challenge Clouret before tucking his hands into his pockets. As he walked past Jean, Luis blew a cloud of smoke toward his face, catching the grimace on his colleague's features just before a box of pipettes was hurled in his direction.

"That's coming out of your check!" Luis teased as he exited the lab.

“Manger une bite, Serra!” (5)

"Enjoy your break, Luis!" Smith called out. "Thanks again for volunteering!"

The door clicked shut behind him, and for a moment, Luis allowed himself to feel a little swell of pride as the nicotine hit his tongue. The smoke drifted pleasantly through his nostrils, and he headed toward the recreation hall, craving a moment of peace.

A hand gripped his waist, freezing him mid-step. Luis's brows furrowed as he turned, facing an older woman whose expression was a storm of anger and urgency.

"We need to talk."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Luis shirked back and grimaced, a shiver racing down his spine while an intense ringing began to infiltrate his ears. Every blink of his eyes seemed to tear apart the fabric of space. The overhead lights blazed brighter until they scorched his senses, and reality itself blurred and distorted, slipping through his grasp. He wasn't here. He wasn't real—he was unraveling.

"I didn't come here to create monsters!"

"Dr. Serra, you knew exactly what you signed up for when you were brought onto this team."

Those were the last words heard before Two Legs shot up from bed with a gasp, his chest heaving as if he'd been submerged underwater. His hands and arms jerked, his senses spinning while blinking rapidly, desperate to anchor himself. The hotel room slowly became focused, the vibrant shades almost too vivid for him to keep staring at.

As Two Legs woke further, the parasite clawed his way back to the present, grounding himself with the scents around him: his clean sweat mingling with the pillowcase, the lingering tobacco in his jacket, and a crisp, minty smell drifting from the bathroom.

Swallowing hard, he repeatedly pinched his shoulder, confirming that this wasn't another trick of "the other place." During these episodes, it was always difficult to tell what was real and what wasn't.

"Hey, you good?" 

A sweet vanilla and floral musk suddenly yanked Two Legs from his train of thought as he turned his head, staring at Sawyer like a deer caught in the headlights. 

"What?" 

"I asked if you're okay. You gasped like a fish out of water just now." 

"Oh," Two Legs swallowed, his voice rough as he cleared his throat, scratching his neck. "Just a nightmare, is all. Y'know, the stuff we dealt with yesterday. Sorry."

"No worries…" 

Two Legs followed her with his eyes, torn between a glare and soft regard, while Sawyer returned to the bathroom without another word. The door was left ajar as she resumed brushing her teeth. She was already dressed in fresh clothes, and the plaga was surprised at how deep he must've been sleeping, for his senses should've picked up on her movements long before now. He shook his head, snapping out of his trance to fixate on his shaky hands, constantly reminding himself that he wasn't lost. 

Luis had worked on countless assignments for Umbrella, enough to where Two Legs could recount most of the research by heart—hell, he could probably write a book on it if he cared enough about his host's career pursuits. The only vested interest he had in Luis's work pertained to details related to his kind, and this was the first time he'd come to hear of Project Singularity—whatever it was. It clung to Two Legs, biting at the edges of his mind as he thought back to the purple serum, the color striking not only for its unnatural tint but because Two Legs knew he had seen it before. A quick memory bubbled up of Luis hastily brewing last-minute samples to aid a group of people back in the village.

Ada, Leon, Ashley…

The names repeated in his head several times, and he wondered if it was the same substance he had used on the worm.

No, what Luis used… 

The sudden sound of the sink turning off jerked him back to the present. Two Legs' attention snapped to Sawyer as she stepped out of the bathroom, her movements purposeful while she approached the desk where a laptop rested. He squinted, trying to make out what she was doing, only to flinch when something came flying toward him.

"Dios mio!" His hands shot up on instinct, catching the object with a practiced ease. He found himself staring at his lighter.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Sawyer quipped, her voice teasing but filled with something softer. 

"I have a sense you're lying about that, but I'll accept your peace offering," Two Legs replied, his smirk brief as he glanced between the lighter and her. "I'm surprised."

"About what?" 

"That you didn't destroy it." 

"Trust me, I thought about it," Sawyer admitted, her voice tinged with fatigue as she rifled through a spare suitcase pulled from beneath what would've been Mobley's bed. She sat on the floor, unzipping it quickly. Inside, a backpack filled with first aid supplies and spare clothes. She pulled out a pair of dark jeans, studying the waistband for a moment before tossing them along with a black t-shirt in Luis's direction.

"Eh?" Two Legs mumbled, watching the clothes fly onto the end of his mattress. 

"These should fit you," Sawyer said, her tone distant as she continued her search. "You can put your dirty clothes in the blue biohazard bin by my bed. A cleaner from VITA will incinerate them later and decontaminate the room."

"Shouldn't we have done that yesterday to avoid potential infection?" Two Legs asked.

"Probably would've been smart," Sawyer replied with a faint shrug, digging through the backpack again. "But I have strips in case you're worried. I took one earlier; it was negative. If we caught something from Soldado's hideout, we would've turned into monsters by now."

Two Legs tilted his head in confusion. "Strips?"

"Yeah, y'know, the ones you spit on to detect the presence of RNA genetic material from viruses?" She looked over her shoulder at him, her brow furrowed. "I thought being an Umbrella researcher, you'd know that."

"Well, uh-" Two Legs stammered, a sheepish grin spreading across his face. "I'm not exactly an early bird, at least not until I've had coffee! Forgive the brain fog."

Sawyer's lips formed into a small, reluctant smile. "Makes two of us."

She tossed a small box of strips toward him.

"Gracias," Two Legs murmured, stretching with a yawn. He absentmindedly tucked the lighter into one of his jacket pockets, almost forgetting he'd slept in the damn thing. As he got up from the bed and cautiously approached her, he couldn't shake the memory of nearly getting whacked on his way out the door last night. 

"I, uh, have a question."

"I probably have an answer,"

"Heh," Two Legs blushed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Are we…okay?" 

Sawyer's movements stilled as if his words had struck a nerve. She blinked a few times before she understood what Luis was asking. Slowly, she scooted back from the suitcase and turned to face him, looking up at him with a guarded and fragile expression.

"Do you want an honest answer?" Sawyer asked. 

Two Legs nodded.

"No, we aren't…" Sawyer breathed. "But…"

"Pero?" (6)

"I'm sorry I lost my temper and for pulling the gun on you. I should've tried to talk to you first, but I was scared." Sawyer swallowed hard, struggling to find the right words. She hesitated to speak further, unable to believe she was apologizing to an Umbrella employee. But here they were, both caught in a moment that felt surreal. 

As the initial shock of her confession faded, Sawyer continued. "I'm sure you've done plenty of fucked-up shit on Umbrella's behalf, but…you helped me. So…let's end this on a positive note."

Two Legs was caught entirely off guard by her response. He had braced himself for hostility, maybe even another attempt on his life, but this? This felt different. His brain was flooded with dopamine and adrenaline as if his body had been starving for relief. The sensation was puzzling—and the plaga wondered why he suddenly felt simultaneously calm and excited.

He realized he'd been silent for too long.

"For the record, you body slam like a beast. I'm sure I won't need a chiropractor anytime soon." Two Legs forced a laugh, trying to borrow a bit of Luis's wit to ease the suspense. When he saw Sawyer give in a smile, he felt another small wave of dopamine, making his heart ache in a way he wasn't prepared for. "Anyway, thanks for clearing the air. So…what does this mean for us moving forward?"

"You go to the UK, I go to the States, and we pretend we never met." Sawyer's smile faded as she gave a dismissive shrug, her words solemn and final. "You won't have to worry about VITA coming after you, at least not from my end. Consider it another thank you."

"Just like that?" Two Legs furrowed his brows, pursing his lips.

"Yeah."

"Yeah…?"

"Were you expecting something else?"

Her question stunned him, making Two Legs blink and shake his head. "No, no, I get it. I just wanted to be sure."

Sawyer's gaze remained stable, her eyes narrowing slightly as though she could see straight through him.

"Luis," her voice was almost gentle but no less insistent. "You gotta promise me I'll never see you again after today. Can you do that?"

Two Legs felt his heart skip a beat. He didn't like how easily she saw through him, how she seemed to know there was more to his words, more to the hesitation that lingered in his silence. A part of him wanted to lie, to tell Sawyer what she needed to hear and go through the motions of escorting her to the airport. Yet another side—this part that had begun to crave her presence beyond seeing her as food—resisted. Then, the sudden trivial thought of being forgotten terrified him almost as much as the idea of giving up the hunt.

This wasn't just about the chase anymore, and that realization, more than anything, scared him in a way he couldn't fully articulate. He was so damn confused. 

Before Two Legs could speak, a sudden wave rippled through his body, seizing his muscles and pinching his breath. The sensation was forceful as if a current of electricity had jolted him from the inside out, leaving him stricken. Without realizing it, he stumbled to the window nearby. 

The parasite from last night—t he other plaga —had called out to him. 

It's near…

Two Legs eyes darted over the nearby buildings, desperate to locate the source of the disturbance. His left hand gripped the windowsill tightly, fighting against the overwhelming urge to chase after it. He was so consumed by the need to get a visual that he didn't notice Sawyer rise to her feet, her eyes glancing between him and the outside world, trying to piece together what was happening.

"Luis?"

"Hmm?" 

"Are you good? You just glitched out for a second there."

"Sorry," Two Legs swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. He could feel the stress rolling off him in ripples and realized he might've come across as strange—dangerous even. He needed to backtrack and regain control. The last thing he wanted was for Sawyer to discover what he was. Or worse, for his cousin to pinpoint his location and claim his quarry. The thought of the other plaga eating her made Two Legs' blood boil as his territorial feelings from yesterday resurfaced. No, he wouldn't let that happen. Not after putting so much work into keeping Sawyer alive for the right moment—or...he wasn't sure anymore, about hunting her. It didn't seem as sporting as it once was. 

"Luis?" Sawyer called his name again gently.

He quickly spoke up, not wanting to linger any longer in his thoughts.  "Last night after our argument, when I went for a walk...I wasn't alone. Someone was watching me. I tried to chase them down but lost them in the rain. Now, I can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched again."

Sawyer's eyes widened slightly. "Shit, really?"

"Yeah." Two Legs finally turned to her; a frown etched deep into his face. "I should've told you sooner, but it slipped my mind."

"Don't sweat it," Sawyer shook her head, letting out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "Do you think they're with Soldado?"

"I don't know, but it's possible." Two Legs sighed, his gaze sweeping the room while he pieced his next move. His tone shifted, taking on a forced lightness as he formulated a plan. "Looks like you still have some packing to do. How about this—I'll go around the block a few times and make sure we're safe before heading to the airport. Sound good?"

"Sounds risky on your part," Sawyer murmured. "It could be a trap."

"It might be, but better me than you getting caught. I know these streets; I can handle whatever comes my way." Two Legs forced a grin. "For all we know, it could just be an angry ex of mine."

Sawyer blinked, caught taken back by the remark as she snorted. "How the hell did you jump to that conclusion?"

"Think about it!" Two Legs laughed. "If you were an ex and saw me sneaking a random American into a hotel in the dead of night, you'd probably feel jealous or curious at most!"

Sawyer scoffed, shaking her head as a reluctant smile tugged at her lips. "Me thinks you're giving yourself too much glory in the romance department, pal."

Two Legs chortled and smirked. "So we're pals now?"

"That's not what I—shut up."

"You didn't say please!"

"Por favor," Sawyer crossed her arms, looking at him with a faint grin. "That good enough for you?"

"Well, you spoke my mother tongue, so why not?"

Despite the playful exchange, Sawyer felt uneasy. Luis's plan made sense, but something about it felt off. Yet, Sawyer couldn't argue—she had her responsibilities to contend with: keeping VITA property safe, cleaning up the room, and giving Mobley and Kari one last chance to make it to the rendezvous point before she had to report them officially missing. Telling Maestro was one thing, but the paperwork was another beast she wasn't looking forward to slaying.

"One hour," Sawyer said, her voice firm as she held up a finger to drive home her point. "One hour to see if there's anything worth sticking around for. After that, I'm gone with or without you. Okay?"

"Absolutamente!" Two Legs responded with a grin that lit up his face, his excitement almost childlike as he clapped his hands together. The energy radiating from him was like that of a dog about to be let off its leash, eager to run wild. He began shedding his clothes, flinging them aside in a chaotic blur to toss on the new ones Sawyer had given him earlier. (7)

Sawyer's breath caught in her throat, her cheeks heating as she quickly turned her gaze to a spot on the wall, the sight of him almost naked too much to handle. The rustle of fabric behind her only amplified her discomfort, and she cursed herself for not averting her eyes sooner. Beneath the embarrassment, she was curious about Luis's unabashed ease, wondering if he stripped so casually in front of everyone he met. The thought made her briefly cringe. Although the furthest from a prude, Sawyer couldn't imagine being this comfortable around a complete stranger. 

Two Legs, oblivious to her unease, finished changing some seconds later and smoothed down his jacket after zipping it up over the black tee. When he turned to face her, now fully dressed, Sawyer couldn't help but be momentarily struck by how normal he looked, well—for a guy with long, unkempt hair and a beard. The realization reminded her just how little she knew about him. She was almost tempted to crack a Jesus joke but reminded herself that getting cozy like that with a former Umbrella employee wasn't wise, let alone went against her principles.

"Do you want anything to eat while I'm out? I can grab us something on the way back." Two Legs asked, his tone light as if their tension had evaporated entirely. 

The kindness in his offer caught Sawyer by surprise. It was strange how nonchalant he was behaving toward her, considering she almost blew his head off with a gun last night.  She hesitated, searching his face for any hint of deception, but found none.

"No, I'm fine," she murmured. Then, almost as an afterthought, she added, "But...coffee would be nice. Y'know, for the brain fog."

Two Legs smile widened at her callback to his earlier remark about not being an early bird, and he nodded eagerly before heading for the door. 

"One coffee coming up! I'll be back soon."

As the door clicked shut behind him, Sawyer released a breath. The room instantly seemed emptier without Luis. She shook off the lingering awkwardness and went over to her laptop, turning it on and letting the system boot up. It was better to start her missing report draft now than to work on it at home, figuring she'd get the painful parts out of the way.

Now sitting in front of the computer, Sawyer's fingers quickly moved over the keys. She logged onto the VITA network, searching her inbox for a reply from Maestro, but nothing appeared. She hummed in disappointment but figured he was busy and decided to check the archives for that one government document on Luis. While it didn't have much on him, Sawyer hoped to find more clues about his past dealings with Umbrella, but she didn't get that far, being met with a blank screen. 

"What the fuck?"

She tried a few roundabout ways to get in but kept getting the same results. There were no codes, buttons, or whistles—just a void staring back at her. 

A frown tugged on Sawyer's lips. It wasn't like the system to be unresponsive, and for a moment, suspicion crept into her mind, but she rationalized that it was probably a glitch. Despite all the tech advancements VITA had at its disposal, they weren't immune to site crashes like any other online organization. 

"I'll worry about it when I get back to the States, I guess," she muttered, her finger hovering over the trackpad to close out. At the last second, Sawyer stopped, watching the screen flicker, the darkness giving birth to an all-white text message in capital letters.  

"Meet me on the rooftop. - Rebus"

"Sweet Jesus," Sawyer whispered. Kari was here—in the hotel. At first, she wondered if it was a trick or wishful thinking until another message appeared.  

"In case you're skeptical, here's Soldado's code: 'Are you enjoying the splendors of Spain?' Please hurry. - Rebus"

Sawyer stood frozen for a moment, the reality settle in before wasting no time preparing to meet Kari.  She ventured and grabbed the backpack from the suitcase, hastily stuffing it with additional first aid rations in case Kari needed any wounds tended to, a couple of cell phones, and some euros on hand.

As she packed, Sawyer's mind raced with questions—how Kari escaped the Dires, how she survived Soldado's self-destruct sequence, and if she found Mobley or if the son of a bitch was with her. Each thought piled on top of the last. Before letting her thoughts run away, Sawyer paused to write a quick note for Luis, letting him know where she was in case he showed up early. 

With the note left on the table, Sawyer locked the door behind her, clutching the key tightly before slipping it into her pocket. She reminded herself that Luis had a spare and swung the backpack over her left shoulder. Not that it mattered in the end, given they wouldn't be here much longer.

Sawyer bolted down the hallway to catch the elevator at the end, wondering what kind of tale Kari had in store for her and if she'd have the strength to tell Kari what became of Samuel. Whatever was to come, she knew the conversation would be challenging, and she had no idea where to begin about Luis, much less how Kari would react.

For now, Sawyer allowed herself to bask in the joy that someone on her team was alive. That was enough to keep the loss of Samuel at bay, and the stint that happened in Colorado. 

Notes:

1. Jódeme! = Fuck me 2. Soldadito = Soldier boy 3. Dime algo que no sepa = Tell me something I don't know 4. Hé, hé, hé! = Hey, hey, hey 5. Manger une bite = Eat a dick 6. Pero = but 7. Absolutamente = Absolutely

[his-name-is-stewart]

i CANNOT use the word ELEVATOR THREE TIMES IN THREE SENTENCES

[chadsuke]

Books Read in 2023:

I Want to be a Wall Vol. 2 by Honami Shirono (2023)

The Villainess is a Marionette (Season 1) by Han Yi Min & Manggle (2021)

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 1 by Ryoko Kui (2017)

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 2 by Ryoko Kui (2017)

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End Vol. 1 by Kanehito Yamada &  Tsukasa Abe (2020)

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End Vol. 2 by Kanehito Yamada &  Tsukasa Abe (2020)

The Apothecary Diaries Vol. 1 by Natsu Hyūga, Itsuki Nanao &  Nekokurage (2017)

The Apothecary Diaries Vol. 2 by Natsu Hyūga, Itsuki Nanao &  Nekokurage (2018)

The Apothecary Diaries Vol. 3 by Natsu Hyūga, Itsuki Nanao &  Nekokurage (2018)

[ID: Covers of the above books. End ID.]

[phyx-m]

Beneath The Silk

True form Sukuna x Reader

You’re forced into a marriage with the King of Curses as part of a scheme to end his life. With your cursed gift, it should be an easy task. You couldn’t be more wrong.

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This is my first fanfic :D I hope you enjoy, it's going to be a long journey.

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The links to the masterlist are below.

🔗 Originally posted on AO3 (I thought I would post on Tumblr, though I may not be as active/slow to update. Forgive me!)

Status: Ongoing

Estimated chapter count: 24 completed/58

🔗 Music playlist (if you're into that!)

* * * * *

Explicit. NSFW. Minors DNI.

Tags and warnings: Cannibalism, non-con elements, forced marriage, blood and gore, violence, female reader, slow burn, smut, Sukuna has two dicks, Sukuna’s extra mouths, heavy angst, eventual romance, trauma, reader is touch starved, panic attacks, protective Sukuna, possessive Sukuna, tension, sexual tension, manipulation, touch her and die, soft Sukuna, Sukuna POVs, Sukuna starts off very cruel, enemies to lovers, slight canon divergence, reader has powers but won't use until later, Heian era, misogyny, cursed techniques aren't explained, reader has a sister, finding yourself, falling in love?, child abuse, size difference, additional warnings at beginnings of chapters, dismemberment, not beta read.

* * * * *

Masterlist

🔗 Prologue

🔗 Chapter 1: A Walk In The Forest With The Devil

🔗 Chapter 2: Rip And Tear

🔗 Chapter 3: Sanctified To The Thing With The Pink Hair

🔗 Chapter 4: The Belly Of The Beast

🔗 Chapter 5: Nightly Visits

🔗 Chapter 6: The Tip Of Your Tongue

🔗 Chapter 7: Duality Of A Different Kind

🔗 Chapter 8: The Remedy For Bad Dreams

🔗 Chapter 9: The Space Between

🔗 Chapter 10: A Snake Shedding Its Skin

🔗 Chapter 11: The Tragedy Of Want And Need

🔗 Chapter 12: Falling, Too

🔗 Chapter 13: Ruiner

🔗 Chapter 14: All The Hands Past Midnight

🔗 Chapter 15: All The Hands At Dawn

🔗 Chapter 16: Everything Unwanted

🔗 Chapter 17: The Lies We Tell Ourselves

🔗 Chapter 18: Snake Den

🔗 Chapter 19: Something's Burning

🔗 Chapter 20: Still A Monster

🔗 Chapter 21: A Warm Place

[agustdiv1ne]

in no particular order, here are my favorite fics that i've read this year!! please show a lot of love to all of these wonderful authors <3 (also please heed their rules, esp for nsfw fics!!)

part of my 2023 wrap up!

@koqabear

um like. quite literally everything sol has posted this year. i am being so serious. check out their masterlist right NEOWWWW and read EVERYTHING

@blackhairedjjun

flowers of every color — i could rave about this series for like 10 hours straight, i'm not even kidding. it's sweet with the perfect amount of angst to really draw you in, i fell in love with every character more and more with each chapter <3 now where is my prince!jjunie :(

@tyunkus

amazon wishlist (m) — me when me when me when roommate!tyun offers to fuck me...god, i need this so bad

@jishyucks

gloves & dittany — OHHHHH how i love this fic...one of the best harry potter aus i have ever read, and with yeonjun?? slytherin!yeonjun!!!! ooooo you really got me good, op <3

bittersweet — *cowboy cat meme* DRUNK SOOOOOOOOOB i think this wins the award for being the cutest fic i read in the year of 2023

@beom-pyu

i can't swim, idiot! (m) — i will never not shut up about this fic...just faking married? with beomgyu?? with feelings involved??? yeah. Yeah <3

like the moon — merman!kai you will always be famous to me, one of my all-time favorites by far!!!!!

@toruro

answers (m) — this academic rival!taehyun fic had me screaming crying gnawing on my leg like wtf mika. how could you do this to me. i am dead now.

@hyukalyptus

something nice (m) — i went SOOOO insane over this fic like the dynamics were just. scrumptious. i love yeonkai i love this fic i love hp for writing this yes yes yes

like, never ever? (m) — ohhhh my god. this one really got me good,, dom best friend!beomgyu giving mc her first orgasm?? sign me tf up !!!!!!

@qqtxt

sway with me — i sent this in for their 1k event i just :')))) i love this so so so much!!!! dancing with yeonjun is my dream, so thank you for taking my request op!! <3

@hueareloved / @huenation

my love mine all mine (m) — the most tender and soft and SWEET nsfw fic i have ever read, so in love with this and sleepy lovesick jjunie AGHH brb rereading this

ditto — ohhhh how i love angst. amor's writing style is beautiful and it made this beomgyu fic that much more heart-wrenching <3

@huckleberrykai

laundry basket (m) — no bc this went CRAZYYY with the perv!mc thing, savored every single word of this kai fic tbh

comfy cozy (m) — CUTE AF. i am the biggest proponent of soft smut and berry writes it so well <3 i loveee soft yeonjun more than life itself

@aduh0308 / @banggyu0308

yeehaw (m) — OKAYYY cowboys!taejun fucking destroyed me like. i don't think i ever recovered from this

berry sorbet (m) — i need kai to be my soulmate rn wtf. cute n sweet and i loved it

@boba-beom

airport crush pt.2 (m) — the minute smiles told me she was working on airport crush pt.2 i passed away. nothing could have prepared me for this fic, it destroyed me in the best way...god, i need yeonjun so bad

trapped in your game (m) — i salivated. i quaked. i (s)creamed. best friend!yeonjun, please hmu </3

@napofamoon / @mazeinthemoon

you're the one love (m) — moonie ATE with this fallen angel!yeonjun fic!! i love sacrilege n this was just sooo hot

@tubatwo

workaholic — this made me giggle and kick my feet so hard...i love you cafe boss taehyun, pls marry me

@hyuk4ngel

honeymoon avenue — i. love. angst. and fay is exceptionally talented at writing it!! taehyun better watch out tho >:(

@mapofthemazeinthemirror / @afterbluehours

untitled (m) — this yeonbin x reader fic is SOOOO hot like. i screamed. i cried. i rolled around in a fetal position because it just made me so insane

@nightlyawnzz

duality (m) — OHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GODDDDDDD i think this is one of the hottest kai fics i have ever read in my entire life. i don't often see kai as a hard dom in fics so this opened my eyes (can't wait for the final part!!)

@scintillasofbeomgyu

you are in love — one of my jjunie comfort fics!!! sweet n soft and everything to me :')

@petrichor-han

twenty-three suns (m) — rain's writing style hits me straight in the gut, especially with this summer fling au with taehyun :') lovely yet heart-wrenching and AGHH i love this

@ncteez

untitled (m) — UMMM this camboy!yeonjun fic altered the trajectory of my entire life. i fucking die every time i read this, like it has to be laced with crack or something

menace (m) — this was batshit INSANE LIKEEEE gangster!yoongi fucked me up so bad (in the best way)

@yeonboy

never meet your heroes — ONE OF MY FAVS EVER. LIKE. COLLEGE AU WITH SOOBIN???? I AM SO OBSESSED YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND

@ijhyo

how to get the girl — i ate this up SO hard. i just adore both the mc and beomgyu's characters in this, definitely another all-time favorite of mine

@cheolhub

head (m) — SAR YOU WERE INSANE FOR THIS. sub!soobin makes me so feral and this made my brainrot even worse UGHHH

@starbandit

backseat (m) — oh. oh yeah. now this is everything to me, best friend!yeonjun + car sex = a very very happy me

@tonicandjins

learning languages (m) — i don't often read donghyuck fics (or nct fics in general), but this one. oh, this one is beautiful. it made me cry, it made go through so many emotions i just. read this right now, you won't regret it

@heart2beom

cliche — i still vividly remember this first time that i read this, the dialogue is hilarious and it is just sweet n fluffy n AGHH i will forever adore this fic <3

and some more accounts with amazing fics!!!: @majestyjun @hyewka @taegimood @naomiarai @hyuk4sbf @fairyofshampgyu @enha-cafe @moonhoures @wolfytae-exe @dearlyjun @heartchoi @sook9i @tinietaehyun @minastras

a big thank you to all of these writers for sharing your works!! <3

[showyourself80]

Masterlist

Come find me on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/users/showyourself/profile

**Updated 30/6/2024**

Snarry fics

(In)gemino concubitus. Explicit. 5k words. Harry celebrates his Defence against the Dark Arts mastery with Severus with a nifty spell to turn his lover into three versions of himself at once. Unfortunately Harry is a little careless with his pronunciation and chaos ensues as he is faced with increasing shadows of his lover that keep multiplying unless he can bring the spell to a close. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51137407

2. Whiskey wedding. Mature. 1.4k words. The Control and Regulation of Allocated Partners team at the ministry has assigned Dolores Umbridge to Severus Snape. Unless he comes up with an alternative he will be married to her within the month, which is more than inconvenient considering he's gay. He goes to his friend, Harry Potter, to brainstorm solutions over a bottle of Firewhiskey. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51620209

3. Owned. Explicit. 8k words. Severus snape receives a series of blackmail notes, threatening to expose a deeply held secret. After securing an unbreakable vow from his tormentor to prevent his secret being revealed to the wrong person, he finds himself trapped in an even worse situation- a night at the hands of the blackmailer. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51814885/chapters/131000557

4. Loaded. Explicit. 1.3k words. Harry is behind on his laundry and has a hot date with Severus in a few hours. An unfortunate incident leaves him naked and stuck in the washing machine. Thankfully Severus is a perfect gentleman who is ready to assist Harry with his load. https://archiveofourown.org/works/52447531

5. Ten points to Gryffindor. Explicit. 3.5k words. Ever since Potter came on staff, Gryffindor keep winning points in the house cup- by a huge margin- and no one seems to be able to work out why. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56159128

6. Pink. Explicit. 215 words. A ministry ball, a request from one lover to another, and a pair of perfect lacy panties worn under dress robes inspires a promise. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56430313

7. Cocktail. Explicit. 1.3k words. Part 2 of Pink. Harry gets Severus home after the ministry ball and makes good on his promises. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56471641

8. Sunshower. Mature. 700 words. Was Severus teasing Harry about sunshowers? Or could such an unlikely combination really work in reality? https://archiveofourown.org/works/56762701

9. Needs. Explicit. 400 words. Severus is struggling in Azkaban, and not for the reasons Harry would have expected. Harry is willing to do whatever it takes to keep him sane long enough to see him pardoned. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56828731

10. Stuffed. Mature. 260 words. Severus has no self control. Luckily he has Harry to keep him in line. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56830573

11. Conflicted. Mature. 300 words. Harry's recent choices have unexpected consequences for his relationship with Severus. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56903080

12. Hands free dessert. Explicit. 715 words. It's Harry's birthday, and he has every intention of enjoying it with Severus. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56996473

13. Duality. Explicit. 900 words. Professor/Student, Top/Bottom https://archiveofourown.org/works/57006898

14. Ring. Gen rating. 200 words. Created for the House of Snarry discord server chain game June 2024. Prompt: Ring. https://archiveofourown.org/works/56593723

15. Snarry microfics fest- June 2024 series. 30 unrelated fics, 4.8k words. https://archiveofourown.org/series/4172749

Dramione/ Snucius

The Swap. Explicit. 44.2k words. Lucius keeps forgetting the silencing charms whenever he takes his lover in his office at Malfoy Manor. Hermione has noticed Draco spying on them, and decides to use that knowledge to tease him. Does Lucius really neglect to close the office door properly, or is something else going on https://archiveofourown.org/works/50251648/chapters/126932215

Lucarry fics

Thank you for your gift. Mature. 700 words. Part 1 of the Gift series. Harry and Lucius are working through the mountain of gifts after their wedding, and sorting their thank you notes. One present causes a bit of controversy. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51616246

2. 12 days of Christmas. Explicit. 39.5k words. Cowritten with DCMM. Part 2 of the Gift series. Harry and Lucius are enjoying their first festive period together as a married couple, when they receive an unexpected series of gifts themed around the 12 days of Christmas song. Exploring the wizarding equivalent of a sex toy advent calendar, they work together to discover the identity of the person who has sent this gift to them. Also featuring a side Snaco pairing. https://archiveofourown.org/works/52508185/chapters/132830656

3. Fever dreams. Explicit. 6.5k words. Lucius Malfoy is struck down by a new virulent strain of Dragon Pox, Voldemort's parting gift to the wizarding world. As one of the few individuals immune to the pox, Harry Potter offers his services to nurse Lucius through his illness, and the pair grow closer as a result. How will Draco respond to the saviour of the wizarding world growing close to his father when he had only just lost his mother to the disease just six months ago?https://archiveofourown.org/works/51968551/chapters/131416171

Snucissa fics

Purify. Explicit. 8.7k words. Part 1 of Purify series. Harry Potter has been captured at the Battle of Hogwarts and forcibly taken back to Malfoy Manor. His mother's blood protection prevents Voldemort killing him, leaving him to be tortured for the madman's pleasure. Voldemort tasks Snape with scouring the Hogwarts library for a means to remove the blood protection, and finds the solution in a book combining blood and sex magics for soul purification. The key ingredient is a virgin sacrifice, and luckily Draco Malfoy appears to be the ideal candidate. Can Severus work with Narcissa and Lucius to save their son https://archiveofourown.org/works/51004651/chapters/128861977

2. Afterglow. Explicit. 6.5k words. Part 2 of Purify series. We see the aftermath of the soul purification ritual featured in Purify. Snape must convince Harry to keep the Malfoys safe. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51077752/chapters/129047989

3. The Doctor will see you now. Explicit. 5.2k words. Lady Malfoy has fallen into a deep melancholy, refusing her morning constitutionals and taking to her bed for days. Her husband, deeply concerned, takes her to see Professor Snape, a fertility specialist, after they still have not conceived a year after their marriage. Will Snape's unorthodox methods resolve her case of hysteria? Will he be able to help the couple overcome their inexperience and sustain the Malfoy line? https://archiveofourown.org/works/51761617

Snucius fics

Snape's worst memory. Explicit. 2.7k words.

Snape returns to his dungeon to find Harry snooping through his private thoughts in his personal pensieve. After throwing the brat out, he checks how much of his worst memory Harry witnessed before pausing to watch the remainder himself.

June 1976

It was the worst day of Severus' life. Taunted by a gang of Gryffindors, then he wrecks everything with her. To top it all off he is taunted in the middle of his misery by his own house prefect Lucius Malfoy. Can his day get any worse?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934349

Snamione fics

Heavenly Hallows. Explicit. 4k words. Hermione desperately needs to relieve some tension, but her usual masseuse has closed their business to go travelling. Luna recommends a discrete practitioner on Knockturn Alley who offers a 'Heavenly Hallows' treatment with full body cloak wrap, hot stone massage and a rather novel wand therapy. Will it be what Hermione is looking for?https://archiveofourown.org/works/51163552

Lucissa fics

On Point. Teen. 300 words. Draco is sick of standing by while his Father parades his 'private sessions' with his personal trainer under his Mother's nose. Determined to expose what really goes on behind closed doors he borrows Harry's invisibility cloak to get to the bottom of matters. https://archiveofourown.org/works/51429127

WORKS/ SERIES IN PROGRESS

Lumione fics

Of Potions and Purebloods. Explicit. 6k words. ***WIP*** Hermione Granger and Lucius Malfoy are matched up by the new Marriage Law. Will Hermione even speak to Lucius, and will he pick marrying a mudblood or returning to Azkaban? Their mutual friends, newlyweds Severus and Harry, mediate between the two warring parties to try to negotiate a compromise both of them can accept. https://archiveofourown.org/works/52383196/chapters/132514348

Draco/mystery character fic

Portrait. Explicit. 3.7k words. ***WIP*** Draco inherits the Malfoy Lordship after his father dies saving him in the Battle of Hogwarts. He is left to restore the family name and fortunes, taking over malfoy enterprises. His father's study had always been a mystery to him, and with the inheritance of the Lordship ring he is now able to access all the secrets contained within. What will Draco learn about his family, and what will he learn about himself https://archiveofourown.org/works/514496539653

The Lotus series

Growing- Romione pairing. Explicit. 6.9k words. Part 1 of the Lotus series. COMPLETE

Hermione loves to kick back on a Friday night with her friends and a glass of wine. Luna notices something is wrong tonight, and does her best to help her friend through.

A tale of young love, first times, and growing up for the Golden Trio.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49913794/chapters/126012496

2. Blossoming- multi pairing fic. Explicit. 6k words. Part 2 of the Lotus series. ***WIP***

It had been a year since Hermione and Ron split up, and while he had moved on (several times), she had been almost celibate since.

Luna offers Hermione a way to get past from her dry spell, by offering to introduce her to a select members only club with a stringent privacy policy, and a Legilimens to assist new members in finding others who match their interests, rather than the standard dating profile forms.

Hermione isn't at all interested in her love life, but the prospect of finding a powerful Legilimens in Britain for the first time since the war is too enticing to resist. Could she find someone to help her reverse the damage she inflicted on her parents' minds? Is it worth risking Obliviation herself if she decides the club is not for her?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51176419/chapters/129308719

[knifeturtlelives]

My Writing - Masterlist

making myself a new pinned post so you can find all my OFMD writing in one place 💜

Canon-Compliant/Missing Scenes:

gotta see a man about a dinghy (G, 2k) - s1e09 missing scene. Ed mugs a guy for his dinghy and gets to enjoy 10 seconds of happiness before everything falls apart.

Ed. Oh, Ed. (T, 4k) - Takes place between s1e10 and s2e02. A few different glimpses of Stede's "Ed. Oh, Ed" dreams. Technically a WIP, but each chapter can be read as a standalone.

Post-Canon/Post Season 2:

can't keep my hands to myself (I mean I could, but why would I want to?) (E, 5k) - Ed and Stede retire from piracy and attempt to open an inn. Or they would, if they could stop fucking for long enough to get the place into shape.

Oh, be my once in a lifetime (E, 7k) - An extremely soft + emotional look at their first night in the inn together, with rimming.

The way I feel under your command ( E, 13k) - Ed develops something of a Blackbeard kink, but he's not sure how to broach the subject with Stede (or, an exploration of the Ed/Blackbeard duality, by way of porn)

AUs

Come What May (T, 9k) - After a break up, Stede goes over to his best buddy Ed's house for a movie night. Is tonight the night that Ed finally tells him how he feels? Maybe, but expect 9,000 words of panic attack first. Modern AU, mutual pining/oblivious friends-to-lovers

[acesw]

Uniforms and Emblem Customs in the Foundation

The St. Pavlov Foundation & SPDM both have uniforms that are representing of the goals of the Foundation and tend to have different variations. Some officials would have customized uniforms while some do not. Every official in the Foundation, including late stage SPDM students, wear insignias that look akin to angels.

Now, this post will serve as a documentation of the uniform/uniform variations we have now, as well as exploring the possible symbolism behind them.

Insignia

The Foundation uniform is notable for having an insignia that serves as a telltale sign that the person is from the Foundation. Every official is required to wear one and it has to be visible. However, there is no say on how it can be worn for certain people.

The insignia itself is a golden emblem, with its centerpiece being an angel with its arms held out. Variations of this insignia are found everywhere, including brooches, medals, buttons, and pins.

In SPDM, once a student has reached Academic Year 6 (10-11), they will receive their own insignias, which are worn around the neck. Interestingly, they wear a cloth around the middle of the emblem. covering the head/torso area of the centerpiece. This can symbolize that the student is still training to serve for peace and humanity.

It's only when they graduate that the cloth is abandoned, which then symbolizes that they're ready for the world that they're tasked to serve for.

Such a custom is also applied to students in the School of Discipline, I think. Since Jessica wears the insignia in her graduation uniform. But because she's in Vertin's team, this requisite is excused.

(look at her, she's so <3)

Anyway, speaking of Vertin, she—alongside other arcanists in her team—are not required to wear the insignia. Why? This can be because of Vertin's status as the timekeeper. As the timekeeper, she's required to be outside a lot, and to only observe and document with no growing suspicion.

This can mean that she has to be undercover in some tasks, resulting in her not wearing the insignia on her uniform. And because the arcanists under her wing are not taking direct orders from the Foundation, they are not required to wear them as well. In a storytelling perspective, this might be for creating a distinction between Vertin's team and the Foundation; that Vertin and the suitcase arcanists are not completely on their side.

The only other exceptions to this rule is Tooth Fairy and Mesmer Jr. Tooth Fairy only works part-time as the school physician, while Mesmer currently works at Laplace, which does not make wearing the emblem a requirement.

Now that this is out of the way, I will go into the uniforms.

Main Elements

The main elements in the Foundation uniforms are that they follow a monotone color pattern (black, grey, white) while having a checkered diamond pattern. The standout colors are gold, purple/violet, blue, and occasionally the afflatus colors. (I'll show why later down)

There are also some occasional gold patterns found on the uniforms like the crowns on collars and stars on the grey sleeves.

The reason we find checkered patterns everywhere is because it symbolizes the duality of existence, balance of two sides (good and evil or light and dark). The Foundation prides itself of being the beacon of balance between humans and arcanists. Clearly, it's not like that and there is an imbalance at play.

Update: Upon further research, I found that the crossed laces are found to be also a symbol. Based on Ms. Moissan's "Foundation Heeled" boots, the crossed laces symbolize obedience.

Uniforms - SPDM

There are two variations of the SPDM Uniform that we see in game. One is where Vertin and Sonetto were around 8-9, and the next is seen throughout the rest of Chapter 3.

Students are required to wear fully white uniforms, but they vary between the stages that they are in. In early stage, they wear a collared shirt or dress with a hint of gold underneath the collar. Meanwhile, for late stage/work immersion students, they wear a long-sleeved shirt under a tunic, alongside their covered insignias.  The boys are wearing shorts while the girls are wearing a skirt or a dress altogether.

When its winter, they wear black cloaks with the hood being in its checkered pattern inside. It's held together by the insignia as well.

The students have a bit of freedom when it comes to their hair as well as (in very restricted fashion) the accessories that they wear. Sonetto and Mesmer wear a headband (which was carried after graduation), The Ring wears a giant bangle around his head and a chain of rings on his belt, Isabella wears two brown clips on her hair as well as a checkered scrunchie around her wrist.

Otherwise, this is the standard uniform that's expected to be worn with modesty and cleanliness.

For the Instructors, they're expected to wear a brown coat with the insignia. Meanwhile, for monitor assistants, they wear a grey uniform with hints of red. The insignia is worn as a badge with two red tags on it.

Foundation Guards

Guards wear varying uniforms that would tend to go by functionality and tactical-ness, and the main colors tend to go with the usual color palette alongside the insignia and colors that match an afflatus. Some wear jackets, and some wear capes depending on rank. There are also patrol defenders, security guards (SPDM), and general officers who all wear additional headgear.

In 4-21 (Good Weather), the Guard Leader boss is wearing an additional suit with equipment coming from Laplace. It continues to serve the point of the practicality needed for all situations.

Investigators

Investigators from the Foundation wear a grey and white uniform that covers most of their body, and wearing a headdress that obscures the entirety of their head. The headdress of female investigators would have an additional veil at the back of their heads, while the male investigators wear a cape. The insignia is also worn around the neck.

The only person that has a variation of this uniform is Sonetto. Since she is a squad leader and thus higher ranked, she has a bit of liberty in modifications to the uniform. So with it, she abandons the headdress and wears a cape that's adorned with her merit medals. She also wears a few accessories. Truly one of the best of the best.

Foundation Staff

The Foundation staff in headquarters and the offices wear varying uniforms, especially the politicians. But we can start off with the normal staff.

The normal staff wear a standard office suit, with either a jacket or a coat to compliment it. They also wear headgear that is smaller in size compared to ones worn by investigators. The checkered pattern is more prominent, found in ties or garments worn over the dress shirt.

(These two are investigators named Adolf and Angie, I'd see them having lunch together as friends :) )

Horropedia, also being higher ranked and coming from a different investigative unit, wears a variation of this uniform. The cuffs are checkered and he wears a light grey vest. Additionally, a green clip is donned on his tie. While semi-compliant, Horropedia stands out for his wits and his eccentric-ness with his love for horror. He prides himself on his knowledge and wants to show that now that he has a taste of the little freedom he has now.

Meanwhile, as the Timekeeper, Vertin wears a different outfit entirely. She wears a suit with a color palette of indigo, purple, cyan, and black; Complimented with a cravat with an indigo gem, and a purple top hat with a cyan ribbon. On the cuff of her right forearm, there is a nixie tube watch timer that helps her foretell the storm's countdown easier. Once again, this creates her distinction from the rest of the Foundation. Indigo amongst black and white. And Indigo conveys integrity and deep sincerity. - Empowered by Color (the text is linked!)

(bonus vernetto crumbs for the gays)

Government Officials

Now, for the politicians in the Foundation. The politicians wear varying uniforms, but they are meant to be relatively the same as any other professional suit. Most of them wear coats and/or vests that are in the same monotone colors. Many wear the insignia on the left side of their chest, with the exception of Constantine and Madam Z, who wear it in the middle.

The politicians can wear formal suits for debates just like with the one between Delegate Mark Hal and Committee Member Pedra Rosa. Mark had a green and orange color palette for his formal suit, which made him stand out quite a bit. Meanwhile, Pedra wore standard blues and greys.

Now, the people that stand out to me personally are Madam Z, Constantine, Pedra, and Bernard. The reason for this is how distinct Z and Constantine's uniforms are, while Pedra and Bernard have colors that stand out amongst the monotone colors.

Madam Z wears a collared dress with a style similar to the one that the female investigators wear. She has a grey and white coat and its sleeves are pushed up by black gloves. The insignia is found to be worn as a centerpiece for a tie. She looks like she could be an investigator herself, really. As if she were one with her colleagues of lower rankings for that matter.

Constantine wears a suit with ridiculously large collar and odd-looking sleeves. Donning a grey vest and wearing the insignia as some kind of necklace. There are also a garments worn under the suit, showing the checkered pattern once again, and the diamond accessories. This really makes the distinction of her being the Vice President, no?

For Pedra and Bernard's case, they're the only people that we know so far that integrate the navy blue in their outfits. I can see it representing their power as humans, in a way. It evokes the conservative and authoritative traits that they have across the Foundation and the world by extension.

There's a lot to ponder about the Foundation and the uniforms. Even with its plain colors, the game manages to bring so much depth in the Foundation's uniforms and the people who wear it. There's so many characteristics that show through the modifications our Foundation characters have, and it makes them stand out amongst the sea of black, white, and gold. Hopefully there might be more modifications in the future now that we're back in the Foundation. For now, this is all I can find about the topic at hand. Thanks for reaching the bottom here and feel free to add/ask about this. :)

[cardicoven]

🥀Book Review: Persephone's Pathway: Wisdom, Magick & Growth by Jennifer Heather

Full Title: Persephone's Pathway: Wisdom, Magick, Growth Author: Jennifer Heather Published by: Heather Publishing (seemingly self published) 2020 Good Reads: Link My Quick Review: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5) stars. Persephone’s Pathway which while flawed and at times meandering is perhaps the best resource available for the modern pagan worshipping or working with Persephone and I wholly recommend it. Official Blurb: Persephone's Pathway is one of balance and duality; embrace the dual goddess archetype of Underworld Queen and Spring Maiden in order to achieve harmony. This book shares the wisdom of Persephone, along with spells and rituals to help you in your daily life. Shadow work exercises encourage you to work with the Underworld aspect of the Dark Goddess, whilst flower magick celebrates the joy and gentleness of the Spring Goddess. Blend the dark and light aspects together to experience how they shine a light on each other in this celebration of wholeness and authenticity. Personal Reason for Purchasing: Was looking for a pagan/witchy perspective on Persephone and stubbled across this one. (Bought from Amazon UK)

Overview of the book's contents. Introduction: A solid introduction, focusing on what the purpose of this book will be, and the author’s goals in writing it, namely ‘an exploration of the mythology and Symbolism surrounding Persephone, along with chapters dedicated to a facet of what she can teach us’, ‘both a collection of information and tribute to her’. Chapter 1: 'Who is Persephone': Introduction to Persephone, her role, dual nature, The Eleusinian mysteries, possible connections to Erishkegal (a mesopotamia goddess originating 4000 BC), and of course the Homeric Hymn to Demeter. Chapter 2: 'Historic Origins': An exploration of the genesis of Persephone in Mythology, through to the Evolution of her story in present day literature. (A personal highlight). Chapter 3: 'A Myth Retold': A modern retelling of the hymn to Demeter by the author. Chapter 4: 'Symbolism': An exploration of the artefacts associated with Persephone, both modern and ancient, the creation of a unique glyph/sigil for Persephone and an extensive and detailed discussion of association/correspondences, some ancient, some contemporary and lastly her common epithets. Chapter 5: 'Creating an Altar': A collection of suggestions and guidelines on creating your own altar for Persephone and common offerings to gift the Goddess. Chapter 6: 'Persephone Magick: Begins with a basic beginners to magickal practice, followed by a recipe for a Persephone Anointing oils, a guide to connecting to Persephone, an innovation and an adaption of the Orphic Hymn to Proserpina.

The Seeds of Persephone A collection of chapters surrounding what the Author considers to be the six core aspects/values which Persephone embodies. Seed 1: 'Union': Focuses on Shadow-work, divine alignment for body and Spirit union, and includes a spell for Spiritual union of lovers, guidance surrounding meditation, shadow-work rituals, and a recipe for a love attraction oil. Seed 2: 'Balance': Begins with a discussion of how to, and the importance of maintaining balance in one’s life, including a meandering discussion of grounding, living with the seasons, incorporating nature into your life, meditation, seasonal altars, self-care, massage, and yoga. Lastly it includes recipes for a Persephone Beauty Elixer’ cream/lotion, a medicinal tonic, a spell for resolution, and a spell for making a decision. Seed 3: 'Intuition': Looks at ways to develop one’s intuition, including an outline for a Persephone focused Lithomancy technique (10 planetary stones, 6 Persephone stones (named for each of the author’s ‘Seeds’: Fertility, Justice, Balance, Union, Sovereignty and Intuition), three tarot spreads and the script for a guided meditation. Seed 4: 'Sovereignty': Is a discussion of [personal Sovereignty, and self-esteem, with journal prompts. Guidance on enchanting a power talisman, and a spell for protecting personal boundaries. Seed 5: 'Justice': Focuses heavily on Persephone in her Queen of the Underworld Aspect, touching on several myths in which she acted as a Purveyor of justice, (Orpheus and Psyche, and a discussion on Trust in regards to the Goddess. Followed by Several spells for truth telling, reflection on behaviour and fair resolutions. Seed 6: 'Fertility': Focuses on Persephone's Spring/Maiden Aspect. Followed by a discussion of Maiden goddesses, Flower Magick, creating Floral elixirs, cleansing sprays, a flower bathing ritual, and spell jars/Witch’s bottles. Followed by the Associations/correspondences and finally a script of a guided meditation, to meet Persephone in her Spring Aspect. Appendix: The Orphic hymn to Proserpina, translated by Taylor Thomas 1792.

Personal Thoughts and Review. I’m conflicted about this book. The first half is an excellent primer on Persephone and including her into one’s personal practice however, the second half the ‘Seeds of Persephone’ are at times Meandering, unfocused and clumsy, but there are jewels among the ramblings.

The book appears to be self published, so I’m inclined to be kinder to the Author than I would otherwise be; however, Persephone’s Pathway could really use reformatting (text justified etc), and would benefit immensely from an informed and passionate editor. Nevertheless this book is an excellent edition to the libraries of those of us who work with Persephone.

Aspects in detail. General content: The first half goes over a lot of content around Persephone, in some detail and is appropriately referenced through allowing the reader to research further. The Second half (the Seeds) is a mixed bag and approaches certain subjects extremely casually, namely Shadow-work and herbal medicine. Persephone’s correspondences: Primarily contained to Chapter 4, the Correspondences are in depth, reference and diverse. However, there are inaccuracies, the most obvious is a mention of Corn/Maize being cut as a part of the Eleusinian Mysteries. As a New World crop Corn was not in ancient Greece at the time and as such has no historical connection to the Mysteries. From my own understanding the crop cut during the Mysteries was likely Barley, a grain though to have great significance to the Eleusinian Mysteries as a part of the hallucinogenic cocktail thought to be drunk by initiates, barley is also part of the offering given by Oddyseus to summon Persephone (“first with milk and honey, then with sweet wine, then with water; and sprinkle white barley-meal above”). Rituals and Spells: It’s Always interesting to see another practitioner's approach, and covering a very broad scope although, I wish they were indexed since they appear throughout the book. Origin Myth retelling: An interesting retelling, possibly my favourite version, however it is not without flaws. Guided Meditations: Enjoyable and Interesting, these scripts approach many aspects of Persephone’s Mythos. Journaling Prompts: These appear seemingly at random in the latter half of the book, but are nevertheless thought provoking. Recommended Reading: While good to see, it is worthy of note that none of these books reference Persephone, Hellenic Polytheism, or Shadow-work. Which are the topics I would like to see additional material given some of my concerns with the book itself. Bibliography: Extensive and good practice.

The Seeds in Detail. Given their significance to the book I’ll review these chapters separately: Union: a clumsy chapter whose advice on Shadow-work is surface level and possibly dangerous for a beginner or someone who is mentally vulnerable. But this chapter does handle the topic of Love workings with the required levity. Balance: Waffling and honestly feels like filler, of the seeds this one is disappointing and feels like lost potential. Intuition: a major highlight of the book, a detailed exploration of Lithomancy, well written and thought provoking. Sovereignty: A good chapter, if a little long winded. Justice: Spectacular, discussion of Queen Persephone and of how to connect to the Underworld Aspect. A personal highlight. Fertility: An excellent close to the book but desperately needs reformatting.

Final Thoughts. I wholly recommend this book especially as a gateway into working with or worshipping Persephone. Despite its flaws, it is the best resource I’ve found on Persephone from a pagan/witch perspective, and my practice is better for reading it.

[elsecrytt]

Masterlist - JJK

WARNING: Some links contain explicit content. This is an 18+ blog. Interact appropriately.

Last updated - 10/27/2024

Kinktober

Virginity - Satoru/Reader

Aftercare - Satoru/Reader/Suguru

Conditioning - Suguru/Reader

Castration - Satoru/Reader

Cages - Satoru/Reader

Threesome - Satoru/Reader/Sukuna

Thoughts/Ramblings/Lil ficlets

Barista!Reader vs Gojo

Duality (trimunitive?) of different JJK men doing somno (Gojo, Nanami, Geto)

Nanami respecting women so hard he kills your ex-boyfriend

Asks

Professional BDSM Dominatrix reader VS Satoru and Suguru's toxic relationship

Daddy Suguru? More likely than you think

Suguru Geto's unmatched oral prowess

Is Sukuna a masochist? Come on, you know the answer to this one...

What if...

Curse Technique where you can transform into other people

Curse Technique where love conquers all <3

Curse Technique where they fall in love with you BUT...

Chapter 236 is elaborate propaganda to protect a now de-powered Satoru Gojo in this essay I will...

What ABOUT Satoru Gojo?

Not wanted, only needed

Touch-starved masochist Gojo

[eggymf-archived]

of paper planes and wildflowers; masterlist

ft. ominis gaunt with f!reader

themes: enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, anonymous pen pals, fluff, angst, ravenclaw!reader, reader is not mc, reader is in 5th year (loosely follows the canon plotline)

warning: nsfw, smut, non-specified ages, not spoiler-free

summary: it was the most random idea you’ve ever had: you were going to send a random letter to a random person, and you were going to let your poor owl bring it to its random person of choice. who would’ve thought your silly little random letter would end up in the hands of the boy you’ve been secretly hate fucking a month ago.

main masterlist || AO3 || wattpad

a/n: typically updated every two weeks/twice a month for now. i don’t have a solid posting schedule since i only write whenever i have spare time. please do note that the number of parts may get increased or decreased. chapter titles are also subjected to change as i deem fit. ;)

main storyline:

chapter 1 - liquid luck? or liquid fuck 🔞

chapter 2 - what a mess! 🔞

chapter 3 - the wingman with wings

chapter 4 - an adventurer’s whims

chapter 5 - did i?

chapter 6 - blurred lines 🔞

chapter 7 - denial and desires 🔞

chapter 8 - carpe diem 

chapter 9 - uncontrollably fond

chapter 10 - desiderata

chapter 11 - the duality of man

chapter 12 - the art of subtlety

chapter 13 - a hideout within a hideout 🔞

chapter 14 - in plain sight

chapter 15 - tba...

[ more chapters to come... ]

extras: 

a/n: one-shots, blurbs, writing practice, moodboards, ocs, etc.

the stars of dawn and dusk (ominis gaunt x f!reader; tudor au)

update [6/30/2023]: due to sudden changes in plot and future plans, this series will have more chapters (possibly around 25-ish?) and a possible sequel. 

[twothpaste]

earthbound old man tier list

S Tier: Doctor Andonuts. idc what anyone says, he is a fascinating bewilderful tragic morally dubious rubiks cube of a character, and if i think about him for longer than 10 seconds i get so emo i wanna dye my hair black and run away into the woods. he is also very funny. i would squash him like putty.

A Tier: Wess. mother 3 wouldn't be mother 3 without Wess and i'm not kidding. i love how he is written as both a terrifying abusive father and also a genuinely wise antifa ally, the duality of humanity or whatever. a bunch of his lines still give me chills to this day. especially [ this one ]

Leder as well. absolute fucking real one. imagine taking a vow of silence for the rest of your life to protect your beloved community, none of whom even can remember the sacrifices you've made for them, singlehandedly bearing a lifetime of unfathomable trauma to spare them theirs. he is atlas with the planet earth on his shoulders. yet another character who turns my brains into spaghetti-os.

B Tier: George is one of the most intriguing characters in the series. Boy, I wish Itoi took the time to actually Write him!!! so many questions, so little canon material, but my imagination does drive me a bit to madness with this guy I fear.

C Tier: the fuck do you mean Geldegarde Monotoli was super wicked evil under Giygas' influence, kidnapped Paula, took over Cartoon New York with sheer capitalist ruthlessness - then as soon as you break the Mani Mani statue he's like -tiny bichon frise sneeze- "ouuugghhh goodness gracious i'm so sorry, i don't know what came over me, i am so harmless and frail and made of pudding also" -little pekingese cough- and Paula is like "don't worry ness 👧 he was just a sweet old man all along lol!!!" nvm it's pretty funny actually

Grandpa Alec goes in C Tier too. imo he's well written in chapter 1. his reaction to grief feels really off-kilter in a strangely human & believable way, like?? he is snapping at Lucas and immediately feeling remorse, cracking jokes to try and assure Flint (and himself) everything is ok when it clearly isn't, kooky silly and also unsettling at the same time. i think people forget that he's also a messy clumsy maladjusted grieving dad, just like Flint. but after chapter 1 he kinda falls off, doesn't have much interesting to say or add to the story. i find myself kinda wishing Lucas had a closer relationship to his grandpa implied post-timeskip… oh well.

is Jonel old? his sprite doesn't look ancient but considering his attitude & his adult kids I imagine him to be in his 60's probably. i like that he's a bit of an asshole, and his moment at the prayer sanctuary implies a religious aspect to the village that's super intriguing… iirc he has a line all the way in New Pork where he trash talks Flint for still holding out hope & tryin to find Claus, and it's like?? damn, Jonel, a cunt to the bitter end!! gotta love that.

likewise Mayor Pusher is one of those Tazmily villagers who really highlights how fake & callous some of these people can be. i love the part toward the end of chapter 7 where he blabbers about how much he hates this hick town and he's so eager to leave already, and when he catches Lucas eavesdropping iirc he's rude as ever to him. what a douchebag! no wonder his son is so depressed ❤️

Nippolyte is a benign real one and I like him, even though there's not much to him.

wish Scamp did or said literally anything of note before dying. oh well

D Tier: yeah fuck Mr. Carpainter though. i don't believe for a second he was solely driven to become a cult leader by alien brainwashing alone, dude's gonna be on some MLM shit within a year mark my words

??? Tier: i don't consider Mother 3 Porky an old man, i consider him Very a forever thirteen year old trapped in a sickly grotesque disproportionaltely aging body. but if you do consider him an old man, he's in the stratosphere tier blowing up the moon

[inawickedlittletown]

Don't Make A Shadow Of Yourself (BuckTommy fic) - 10/14

Summary: "A man who's pure of heart...may still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright" - Howl (F+TM)

BuckTommy Werewolf AU. Throughout most of his adult life, Tommy had dealt with what he was. The duality of being a man and also an animal…a beast. Werewolves weren’t born, they were made. 

Rating: M

Words: 3,979

Read on Ao3

Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three

Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six

Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine

-

Chapter Ten

Tommy woke up to kisses trailing from his neck down over his chest. They were lingering kisses, Evan’s lips left a trail of fire in their wake and Tommy could tell that there was purpose to Evan’s teasing, because he stopped when he reached Tommy’s navel.

“Hmmm, Evan,” Tommy said. 

Evan’s eyes shot to his face and he sat up. 

“You’re gorgeous,” Evan said. His voice was rough with sleep. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Waking you up,” Evan said and his cheeks went pink. “I, uh, I’ve never done this before but I want to try. Can I?” Evan motioned at Tommy’s borrowed pants. 

Tommy inhaled. He knew he was hard. Evan probably knew he was hard. A gorgeous, wonderful boy was leaning over him and he’d invited Tommy to stay over the night before after being so absolutely open about his painful past and his family history. Tommy had gotten to hold him all night, to be pressed up behind him and to feel him falling asleep in the hours after they’d gotten more than a little handsy. 

Tommy hadn’t intended for things to go that way the night before, but Evan was distracting and addicting and maybe more than a little persuasive. 

He nodded his head in answer to Evan. 

Evan’s smile was wide and happy and when his hands ran down Tommy’s sides to the top of his borrowed pj pants. Tommy inhaled, but let Evan guide the pants down. He kicked them off and then got to watch Evan as he took him in up close for the first time, like he hadn’t the night before. He got to see Evan biting his lower lip and how he closed his eyes as he grasped hold of Tommy’s cock and licked the head with the flat of his tongue. 

Tommy groaned and for all that he wanted to keep watching Evan, he just couldn’t focus and couldn’t keep his head up. Instead he fell back to the pillow and he tried to hold himself still, conscious of how new it all was to Evan. 

It was sloppy and Evan couldn’t take him down too far, but he made up for all of that with his enthusiasm and the way that Tommy felt how much Evan was enjoying it. He gave Evan fair warning when he was close and Evan pulled off, lips wet and plump and his hand kept pumping Tommy until he was cumming and Evan bent down to lick it off, groaning as he did. 

Tommy dropped his head back on the pillows again. He felt a little bit boneless, pleasure running through him. 

“How, uh, how was that?” Evan asked and he sounded nervous, though he shouldn’t. 

Tommy reached for him, pulled him until he had Evan next to him. “Amazing.”

“Really?” 

“Hmmm. Yes,” Tommy said as he pushed Evan to his back. “Time to return the favor.” 

The night before, he’d gotten his hands on Evan. A part of him had felt like they were both going a bit fast, but there was no saying no to Evan when he looked at him like Tommy was doing everything he wanted and more. He hadn’t gotten to taste him, though. They’d been kissing out on the balcony and then taken it inside, where Evan pressed Tommy up against the closed door to the balcony to continue kissing him. They’d rutted against each other and somehow, Evan had persuaded him up the stairs until they were both shirtless and down to underwear and in Evan’s bed. 

They’d rubbed up against each other, frottage that Tommy could have never considered so sexy before. It was Evan had had grabbed at his ass and then before Tommy knew it, their underwear was off and Tommy had reached down to grasp at himself and Evan to get them off. It had felt better than Tommy had expected and he knew it was because of Evan. All his sexual dalliances before this had been solely to scratch an itch, there had been no emotion. No intimacy. None of the vulnerability or the care he felt from Evan. He had never been kissed so sweetly while getting off before. 

Tommy kissed Evan’s chest, licked at his skin. Smelled the way that a whole night spent together after getting off together had left Evan smelling like Tommy. He groaned at that and ran his nose over Evan’s stomach. Felt Evan gasp and let out a sigh. Tommy lifted his head. 

“I’ll take notes,” Evan said cheekily as Tommy bent down and lightly bit at his hip.

Evan was beautiful. His skin was smooth and soft and he had a gorgeous cock too. Of course he did. Tommy teased him a bit, kissing his hairy thighs and his fingers only just lightly touching him before he finally grasped him. 

“Tommy,” Evan said, groaning. 

Tommy sat up, he smirked at Evan before his mouth covered the head and then took a bit more of his length. He went slow, savoring it. He was salty and tangy and he smelled so good that Tommy could barely handle it. 

Evan made whining noises and groans. His hands were in his hair and Tommy loved when Evan pulled a little too hard. When Evan came, it was in his mouth and Tommy loved the intimacy of getting to have Evan’s spent right in his mouth. 

Evan could only make a groaning noise where he flopped back, boneless. Tommy ran his hands up Evan’s side and then he laid down next to him. It was several minutes before Evan kissed his bicep and his shoulder and then his lips. 

“Thank you,” Evan said. 

“Thank you too, then,” Tommy said, chasing his lips for a second kiss.

“Shower,” Evan said eventually, slowly getting out of bed. 

“Is that shower something I can join?” Tommy asked. 

Evan laughed and motioned for Tommy to follow. A few minutes later, he climbed into Evan’s shower. It wasn’t huge, which meant that between the two of them it couldn’t help but be cramped. It kept their bodies close and washing each other only felt like the most natural thing in the world. 

“Hey, have you ever bathed as a wolf?” Evan asked. 

“No,” Tommy said with a laugh. 

“I just think it’d feel great to have someone wash my fur,” Evan said. 

Tommy didn’t know if he could handle seeing Evan wet and covered in suds as a Wolf. Would he get even more fluffy afterwards like dogs tended to get? It might be worth exploring and have a camera handy. 

Evan made them breakfast following their shower. Eggs with toast and sausage. He had even gone to the trouble of getting tea. Evan didn’t say it, but Tommy knew it was for him because Evan liked coffee. They didn’t say much over breakfast, sitting at Evan’s table. Tommy felt warm and happy and he wanted to have this every morning. It was too quick and too fast, but it was Evan. 

“What do you have going on today?” Evan asked when they started cleaning up. 

“Not much until my shift later. You?” 

“Maddie said she’d call if she needs help, but I’m open. I was thinking maybe getting a run in, if you wanted to come with?” 

“As long as we’re back in time for my shift.”

Evan grinned at him. “I’ll text Maddie I won’t be available for a bit, but we should be good,” Evan said. “I’ll text Eddie too.”

Eddie joined them, meeting them at a spot that wasn’t too far, but secluded enough for them to transform without fear of anyone noticing. Evan and Eddie still acted like rambunctious puppies bumping into each other and biting at ears or tails or even legs. They attacked him too, Evan taking his liberties in a way that Eddie didn’t as well as the occasional wolfy kiss. 

It was fun and when they all ended up tired and panting, they splayed out on the cool grass. Tommy found himself in between Eddie and Evan in what became a small puppy pile, their limbs all mixed together. Tommy had never quite experienced that before and he didn’t know how good it would actually feel to have two wolves on him. Eddie’s hot heavy breath over his neck and Evan somewhere on his back at times sniffing at him. 

This was what it felt to not be alone, to be a part of a pack, no less. Tommy felt warm all over because of it. He felt settled. Happy. 

—

Buck found himself very busy over the next week. Between planning the wedding and trying to convince Chim that he did actually need to have a Bachelor party and work, it felt like Buck barely had any time to breathe, let alone go on another date with Tommy. Of course, that didn’t mean that he didn’t see Tommy. He finally got to see Tommy’s house one night after a shift when after texting all day, Tommy had asked him to just come stay with him that night after dinner. Buck had jumped at the chance and not just because he’d been having all kinds of dreams about Tommy. 

Tommy gave him a quick tour when he arrived and the thing that Buck realized immediately was that Tommy had a home he loved. It was nice and cozy in a way that Buck had maybe not expected. 

“I have some chicken ready to put on the grill,” Tommy informed him. “But I thought, since you probably haven’t had time to shift since the last time we could hang out in my yard. You could wolf out.” 

Buck laughed, but since Tommy was right, Buck found himself, after giving Tommy a nice long kiss, folding his clothes onto a chair out on Tommy’s patio and then shifting shape. 

Tommy’s yard was fun to explore. New smells and so much of them faintly of Tommy. He found the trees and the rose bushes and where the grass was taller he laid and rolled around before giving a lap around the yard. He could understand in a way, how Tommy had been capable of being on his own for so long. Having the space to be a lone wolf in his own backyard and also having a job that put him in heavy contact with many people. 

Buck got back to the patio in time to watch Tommy undress, to watch him shift, how the muscles of the human man changed into those of a wolf. He was beautiful in that moment — in any moment really. Tommy took a walk with him around the yard and then they made it back to the patio and he and Buck laid down together. They didn’t stay there long before Tommy was getting up to shift back and really get started on their dinner. Buck followed him around as a wolf and Tommy kept touching him. A pat on the head, a hand run down his neck and back, even a nose bop. Tommy even bent down to kiss him on the head. 

“I’m gonna plate if you want to change back,” Tommy said eventually. 

They ate outside at the table Tommy had out there. Buck felt entirely relaxed for the first time in days. He hadn’t even realized he was so strung out. 

“How’s it all going with the wedding?” Tommy asked. 

“Well. I think Maddie’s been trying to get everything done before my parents get here. Chim finally kind of relented about the bachelor party so I have a karaoke place that should work. I think he finally figured that it’d take him away from the house while my parents are around.” 

Tommy laughed. “Sounds good. And how are you feeling about your parents?” 

“I’m feeling alright. Bobby made sure I’m on shift the days before the full moon so they can’t show up to see me. They’ll think I’m working the night of the full moon as well and then after that it will be a little easier to deal with them. With the bachelor party and everything I may not have to see them outside of the wedding. Maddie says she’s going to try to keep them occupied so they don’t try to bother me.” 

Buck was actually a bit impressed with how well he was managing to avoid spending time with his parents. It’d be different once they were in LA, but as long as they didn’t find out about him, Eddie, and Tommy being Werewolves, he didn’t care about much else. He didn’t even care if they did find a way to ambush him. 

“And I’ll be here for whatever you need, Evan,” Tommy said. 

He believed him. He shot Tommy a smile. “I know.”

They moved on to other topics. Their plans for the upcoming full moon and how Tommy had hung out with Eddie and Chris a few days earlier. After dinner, Tommy directed Buck into his living room while he cleaned up. Buck tried to protest, but Tommy just fixed him with a look. 

The living room was cozy. The couch was comfortable, but firm. The type of couch that you could probably fall asleep on without expecting to be too sore upon waking. He found a stack of books on the coffee table and smiled when he realized that they were the Werewolf books Buck had told Tommy about. It looked like he’d already gotten through the first going by the bookmark sticking out of the second. 

“You should pick something for us to watch,” Tommy called out a few minutes later. 

Buck found the remote. He’d sort of had plans to get Tommy into bed, but they could do a movie first. He still hadn’t seen a lot of things, not without the influence of other people. But he knew he could find something. Browsing through the streaming platforms, he found something that sounded vaguely familiar. 

“Princess Bride?” Tommy asked. “Good choice.” 

“Yeah? I’ve, uh, never seen it.” 

“Well, you’re in for a treat,” Tommy said. He sat down and immediately pulled Buck towards him. 

—

Tommy didn’t see much of Evan over the next few days. Between his shifts and Evans shifts, they just didn’t have any time for more than a call or text. It was enough, in a way, just to be able to have any kind of contact with Evan. 

Evan called him to let him know when his parents arrived in LA and Tommy could practically feel Evan’s anxiety over it. He wanted nothing more than to take it away. All he could do was remind Evan that he wasn’t obligated to see them yet. And then when he got off shift, he went straight to the 118, hoping to catch them between calls. He didn’t know about Evan, but Tommy knew that things could get a bit better once they saw each other. 

He wasn’t lucky enough to catch them in between calls, finding only a couple of the guys left behind, but he was welcome to wait. 

It was strange to be back at the firehouse where Tommy had started his tenure with the LAFD, the place where he had hoped to find where he belonged all that time ago and where he’d been so afraid to be found out as a Werewolf and as a gay man. The place hadn’t changed much, not that he’d expected it to. Tommy didn’t even like some of the memories it brought back. He tried to think about the good instead. He wound up walking up to the loft after a while and figured he’d wait. It wasn’t like he’d have much else to do at home so he settled on the couch, glad he’d thought ahead and brought a book.

Tommy was waiting a little over half an hour, not that he noticed while he read, before he heard the engine arrive. He didn’t have to wait long to hear the voices of Eddie and Evan carry over. He stood and walked to the banister and got to witness the moment that Evan saw him, his face lighting up. 

“Tommy,” he said. “What are you doing here?” 

“Figured I’d stop by.” 

Evan ran up the stairs to meet him, catching Tommy in a hug. Tommy could feel the eyes of everyone in the station, but he didn’t care. Neither, it seemed, did Evan. He did lead Tommy to the couch and sat down with him. 

“What have you heard from Maddie?”

“Not much,” Evan said. “It’s once I’m off shift that I worry they’ll show up at my place.” 

“So, stay with me,” Tommy said. 

Evan smiled wide at him. “Can I?” 

“Yes. Of course.” 

In fact, Tommy had been missing him since the other night when he’d had Evan in his bed and had woken to his hair tickling his nose. 

Hen and Chim joined them in the sitting area. Bobby gave Tommy a nod before he headed to the office. 

“Yes what?” Hen asked. 

Tommy looked at Evan. 

“I’m going to stay with Tommy in case my parents come looking for me,” Evan said. “I really do not want to see them until the wedding.” 

“I wish I had that option,” Chim said. “Maddie is stressing out over everything.”

Eddie dropped into the free armchair. “It’ll be over soon and then you’ll be married.” 

“Yeah,” Chim said. “I’ll be married. Bizarre. But, in a good way.”

“First the bachelor party,” Evan threw in. “I’ve set up everything. It’ll be really cool, Chim, you’ll love it.” 

Chim looked more resigned than anything, but he didn’t protest or try to get Evan to change his mind. Maybe he’d seen how much work Evan had put into it like Tommy had. It was impressive, in a way, Evan could have easily made for a good party planner. It was a wonder Maddie and Chim hadn’t used him to plan the wedding. 

“And is everything ready for the wedding?” Hen asked. 

“Yes, even the last minute seating chart changes,” Chim said and he said it while glaring at Evan. 

“What?” Evan asked. 

“You know what,” Chim said. 

Evan’s cheeks went pink. “I told Maddie it’d be okay if she moved me.”

“Well she didn’t want to do that,” Chim said in a way that implied he would have been okay with it. 

Tommy decided he didn’t want to get involved. It would have been fine if he wasn’t seated with Evan, but at the same time he was glad that he would be. Tommy kind of loved weddings — it was the romantic in him. He’d gone to several, mostly for co-workers or other friends. He’d always found them touching. In his more depressing moments he had even convinced himself that he himself would never get married. Looking at Evan made him think he’d been wrong. 

When the next call came, Evan turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’ll see you later?” Evan asked. 

“Of course. Be safe out there.” 

He watched them all climb onto the truck and ambulance and within minutes they were gone. He lingered only a little while longer before he grabbed his book and headed down the stairs. Tommy was a little distracted as he walked down that he didn’t hear the voices until he drew near them. When he saw Jee Yun, he stopped short. The little girl was hanging onto her mom’s hand. Without the trucks, there was no hiding from them and either way, Tommy was kinda frozen on the spot. 

Maddie looked more than a little harried. Jee was tugging at her hand and the older couple with her looked annoyed and like the firehouse had nothing to impress them. 

“I don’t know what you expected,” he heard Maddie say. “They’re out doing their jobs. They likely won’t be back for hours.” 

The older woman made an unimpressed sound. The man said nothing, but he stood right by his wife. Tommy didn’t really know what to make of them after everything he’d heard. 

“You’ll see Howie when he gets home tonight,” Maddie said. 

“But not your brother,” the man said. “He can’t be bothered to take time off to see us or help with your wedding.” 

Tommy hated her tone. The disapproval, and the judgment. 

“Buck has helped plenty,” Maddie said. “Can we head back? I don’t want Jee to miss her nap.” 

Jee had pulled at Maddie’s hand enough that she finally got loose. She ran towards the remaining fire truck, but spotted Tommy and ran towards him instead. 

“Tommy,” she said with her usual excitement. 

Tommy had met her less than a handful of times, definitely not enough for her to be excited to see him. Somehow, though, he found himself face to face with a smiling little girl. 

“Jee!” Maddie called. 

“You should go back to your mom,” Tommy tried with Jee Yun. 

This was not what Tommy was meant to be doing. He was not meant to be meeting Evan’s parents like this. He was supposed to be keeping his distance. Desperately he hoped he wasn’t giving himself away as Maddie begun to approach, her parents right behind her. 

“Oh,” Maddie said, stopping short. “Tommy, what are you doing here?” 

“Just, uh, stopped by. But I should go.” 

He could tell immediately that Maddie was a bit thrown by his presence, but she gave him a nod. Tommy offered a smile and he made to walk around her, but her parents had made it to them.

“You aren’t going to introduce us,” Mrs. Buckley said, not a question. A statement.  

“This is Tommy,” Maddie said. “He’s a firefighter.” 

“Hello,” Tommy offered. 

“So, you work with Howard and Evan?” Mr. Buckley asked. 

“In a way,” Tommy said. “I, uh, I really should go—”

His heart was beating hard in his chest. He tried to ignore it and ignore the way that instinct was telling him to get away. Evan had told him the mannerisms he had to stop displaying, the things that gave him away and Tommy tried his best. He hoped, desperately, to get away. 

“Oh, but we never really get to meet Evan’s co-workers. We’d love to hear more.” 

“Jee is going to need her nap soon, mom,” Maddie said. “We really shouldn’t hold Tommy up.” 

There was an iciness to the look that was bestowed on Maddie. She didn’t shrink under it, but Tommy could tell that it was becoming a bit of a burden. The part of Tommy that was protective of Evan and more than a little petty thought that Maddie had brought that on herself. 

“I don’t know why you brought us here in the first place, Maddie,” Mrs. Buckley said. 

Maddie didn’t respond. 

Mr. Buckley addressed Tommy. “Do you have any idea when they might be back?” 

“No. At least a few hours. Maybe more.” 

He made a harrumping noise. 

“We should go,” Maddie said again. 

Tommy stepped around them. “I’m running late myself,” he said as casually as possible. 

Out of politeness he said goodbye and then he tried to keep his pace normal as he walked to the open door. He could feel their eyes on him and that made him even more paranoid. He listened intently as he went. Maddie was ushering her parents behind Tommy, and Tommy had to give it to her that she was far more patient than they deserved. 

Nothing about the Buckleys said that they were Werewolf hunters. Tommy figured that was probably the thing that worked best for them. He didn’t linger in the parking lot once he made it to his car and didn’t realize he was still holding himself stiffly until he stopped at a red light several blocks away and realized he was holding the steering wheel so tightly, he could have broken it.

[talonabraxas]

“Tonatiuh, the Verb of San Juan, the Logos or creator of the universe, with its triangular tongue of fire, is the golden child of sexual alchemy, the spiritual sun at midnight, the eagle that rises and soars, the resplendent dragon of wisdom, and it is represented by the star that gives us life, light and heat. Decorated by the Nahualts, it appears in glory at the very center of the Stone of the Sun”. -Samael Aun Weor – The Secret Doctrine of Anahuac.

Tonatiuh, God of the Sun Talon Abraxas

In each and every corner of the world, mankind has strived to give tangible representations to personify the great realities of the spirit. It should not amaze us that the Incas, Mayas, Aztecs, Egyptians, etc. resembled the sun with the universal spirit of life in an attempt to relate its physical and spiritual characteristics. In this way, they taught others about the greatness of that which is intangible. Undoubtedly the sun has been, is, and will be the means to allow the world to understand what truly is the Spirit of the Being within each one of us. Just like the physical sun imparts life, light and warmth, our Being gives us spiritual life, wisdom and wishes to learn that which is mystical.

Among the Aztecs, the God of the Sun was called Tonatiuh (Tona = the maker of the sun and heat, tiuth = to go). In universal Gnosticism, is it the Being or the Spirit the one who imparts life, and at the same time, the sun is the symbol each aspirant should manifest within: to create the sun is to integrate oneself with the Being.

The God of the Sun, Tonatiuh, is represented in the microcosm by the Intimate, the most spiritual element within each man and woman. In the macrocosm he is the Solar Logos or the Divinity. Either one will trigger our impulse towards the self-realization of our Being, using as its means awakening that is both mystical and spiritual.

In Nahuan culture, as in others, the Sun was the symbol of the Father, the eternal Masculine Principle; the Moon, the mother or the eternal Divine Feminine Principle, and Venus, the symbol of the Celestial Child. Tonatiuh, the God of the Sun, is the incarnation and expression of the fire that comes from the heavens. Tonatiuh is the representation of the divine aspects and itself explains the creation of all that exists.

The wise Aztecs of Anahuac gave the creator both: masculine and feminine form. The creator in its masculine aspect was called Ometecuhtli (ome = two, tecuhtli = Lord), and the divine feminine principle Omecihuatl (ome = two, cihuatl = Lady). They are the Lord and the Lady, God and Goddess of Duality. On this aspect, VM

Samael Aun Weor states:

“The face of Tonatiuh in the Aztec calendar is the face of Ometecuhtli-Omecihatl, Lord and Lady of duality, God of life, of love and generation.”

“Enclosed by two concentric circles, around which are four squares within two other concentric circles (the unmanifested absolute: Ipalnemohuani), encompass it all: the feline claws of Quetzalcoatl ripping human hearts, the Sun of Wind or 4 Ehecatl, the Sun of Fire or 4 Quiahuitl, the Sun of Water or 4 Atl, the Sun of Jaguar or 4 Ocelot and the Sun of Movement or 4 Olin, the East and the West, the North and the South, the twenty days of the month, etc.”

“This explains why the Nahuans venerated the Sun and the dual significance the numbers had for them.”

Samael Aun Weor – Aztec Christic Magic, Monogram No. 8

Tonatuih’s crown or Xiuhitzolli represents the Ancient of Days, the Kaballistic Kether, the three aspects of divinity: the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the Logoic triangle of the Hebrews.

Each man has its own particular ray, resplendent in all its glory and might in the world of the ineffable Gods; the golden ray, the Being of our Being, the internal Christ of each man. It is the Sephirotic crown of the cabbalists, the Crown of Life. “Be faithful till thy death (says the Holy One), and I shall give thee the Crown of Life”. (Revelations 2:10).

We will find all the attributes of divinity wisely expressed in their artistic forms by the wise of Anahuac, as we can tell from the date of Two Canes in its crown. The number 2 (both circles) represent the feminine and masculine aspects of divinity.

“Ometecuhtli-Omecihuatl, Lord and Lady of duality. “Ome”: two; “Tecuhtli”: Lord. “Ome”: two; “Cihuatl”: Lady. From this divine dual principle, masculine and feminine, emanated the Universe. This God-Goddess had four sons, the four Tezcatlipocas: Xipotec, the red one; Tezcatlipoca, the black one; Quetzalcoatl, the white one; Hizilopochtli, the blue one.”

“From this divine and indivisible binary were born the four colors of the four races that populate the Earth. Ometecuhtli has the presence of the Cosmis Christ. The Nahuas represented him with a beautifully adorned tunic and a stone phallus, symbol of light. Omecihuatl has all the presence of the Cosmic Virgin.”

“The Nahuas represented her with a beautiful blue mantle…”

“He is Huehueteotl, the Ancient God, father of the gods and father of men. She is Tonantzín, our beloved Mother.”

Samael Aun Weor – Aztec Christic Magic, Monograph No. 10

The three eagle feathers of the symbol of the cane, or Acatl, together with the pearl, represent the Greek TETRAGRAMMATON, the holy FOUR, symbol of the Trinity plus that which is unmanifested.

In ancient times the hair was directly related to the creative energies, similar to what we have seen in the myth of Sampson and Delilah on the Hebrew kabala.

The wrinkles around his eyes allegorize the wisdom we should reach by awakening our consciousness in our daily living. Among the Aztecs, the maximum authority was represented by a council of elders, who had dedicated their lives to the elimination of their egocentric interests.

The eyes of the God of the Sun are the eyes of the Internal Father, who sees all, who is always vigilant to that which we think, do and feel.

In the nose or Yacaxihuitl we find a wise combination between the breath that imparts life and the work with the masculine and feminine forces, as we see three eagle feathers on each side. The number 6 (3 feathers on each side) represents the crossing of these forces.

The Borgia Codex mentions the ritual of the perforation of the nose. This ritual is intimately related to the science of sexual transmutation through breaths, breathing and respiration.

The Solar Logos emanates all its creative might to this world and then collects it transmuted, to impart himself life. In a similar manner, the human being should imitate this process.

The tongue in shape of a blade or Tecpatl, is the verb, the word, the Logos, the power the verb has manifested in all that has been created. Curiously, we find in the tongue an eye, symbol of psychological self-observation, showing the necessity of being attentive to what we say, as the verb carries extensive responsibility. In addition, we find a claw that shows the power of the word. With the word we can bless or damn, aid or cause suffering. This shows us the sacrifice the initiate must undergo to ensure the right use of the word. The word has the power to create, which is why it is necessary to develop self-observation as well as a sense of responsibility in its use. We need to learn when to speak and when to be silent.

“In the beginning it was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. This was in the beginning with God. All things by Him were created, and without Him none of what is would be. In Him was life, and life was the Light of men.”

St. John, 1:1-4, Bible of Casiodoro de Reyna, 1569.

In the Chalchihuitl (precious stones) we see six jades forming Tonatiuh’s collar. These symbolize the virtues of the soul: tenacity, patience, willpower, altruism, philanthropy, love… all acquired through the destruction of the undesirable psychological aggregates we carry within.

In his ears or Xiuhnacochtli we see that from the shape of the circle emanates an adornment of three eagle feathers. The circle is a symbol of eternity, the unknown absolute, that which the Greek referred to as Agnostos Theos (the unknowable God which cannot be defined). In Sanscrit it is known as Sat (That). From that which has no name emanates the trinity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and as a result, the Holy Four: the Tetragrammaton.

The ears show by themselves the need to listen to that which is spiritual, to closing our ears to blasphemy, damnation, prejudices and all unsubstantial words of the ego, but to place our attention in the Voice of the Silence, the Wisdom of our Father.

“Ears with large pendants show the need to learn to listen, to place our attention to wisdom.”

Samael Aun Weor – Mayan Mysteries

[aurora-313]

I was having a chat on discord and it spawned this post. So I largely thank the discord group for spawning this discussion point.

Bleach critics like to state Ichigo didn't have a goal. And for the first part of shinigami substitute arc, they are absolutely correct. Ichigo didn't really have a goal. He did the job out of obligation, he screwed with Rukia's own mission and took her powers largely by accident, so now he's paying off that debt by doing her job for her.

However, I would like to posit the opposite.

From Chapter 22 onwards, Ichigo did have a goal. But it was forgotten. That goal was revenge on Grand Fisher:

However, did Ichigo ever bring up Grand Fisher again? Or how much he self-professes to hate him? Did Ichigo ever dedicate himself to training to kill Grand Fisher after chapter 22? Was there any indication that Ichigo knows Grand Fisher dead and lost his chance for revenge? Did Ichigo even mention the hollow's name ever again?

The answer to those questions is no.

The duality of Ichigo's motivations are established in this declaration. A desire to protect and a lust for vengeance. But one half vanishes for the rest of the manga.

In canon, Ichigo went from diehard 'I will avenge my mother! I don't care if my intestines are spilling out! I'm slaughtering that fucker, even if it kills me!' to 'I want to protect a mountain of people' in 22 chapters. Every other shonen would have that character arc take 10-20 times as long.

Or rather, they've actually HAVE an arc for it. In Ichigo's case, a switch is flipped. Vengeance against Grand Fisher is completely forgotten.

But.

Imagine if that was a foundational pillar of Ichigo's character journey throughout Bleach: Learning to navigate the balance between his desire to protect and his wrath and vengeance.

As with any person, Ichigo will stumble and fall.

With this in mind: pretend we're in a world where Kubo allows his characters to simply breath and decompress after huge events (instead of time-skipping and off-screening.)

After the Grand Fisher battle, Rukia steps in. Ichigo's passions are appreciated but he needs to reign in his zeal. She attempts to tutor Ichigo, introducing the notion of balancing revenge against his sense of duty/desire to protect. Doing so in a way she couldn't with Kaien's own revenge streak (further tying the cousin's parallels together).

Naturally, this lesson doesn't initially sink in.

With Grand Fisher finally giving Ichigo an outlet for his self-hatred, he jumps on it. He trains vigorously to that end, at times to the detriment of his own health. When Ichigo's finally convinced to start taking it easy again, Uryuu starts his Hollow bait contest, kick-starting the chain reaction towards the Soul Society arc, which forcing Ichigo to put hunting Grand Fisher aside for the moment.

Ichigo's experiences in Soul Society then becomes his first lesson in putting duty over revenge. However its not applied quite the way we would hope.

As much as Ichigo is going there to protect Rukia from an unjust ending, part of him is screaming for payback against Renji and Byakuya for attempting to murder him. But all's well that ends well, the arc concludes and things go back to normal. Even Ichigo's revenge boner as simmered down because other things have occupied his mind.

We return to Karakura. Rukia saved, all that good stuff. Shinji shows up and approaches Ichigo, putting on his creepy cult act while inviting Ichigo to the Visoreds. Etc etc.

But then, when they sense the two powerful reiryoku signatures ducking it out in the City, Ichigo immediately recognizes Grand Fisher. That hollow's presence lights a fire under his ass.

Ichigo ditches Shinji to pursue. All thoughts of Visoreds and Hollows forgotten in favour of killing the monster that murdered his mother. Ichigo has become stronger, fiercer and more prepared. He has the respect of the shinigami, he has a bankai now. He's leagues and miles more powerful than he once was, and if he kills that hollow, it can't hurt anyone ever again.

Surely, Ichigo can finally, finally avenge his mother.

But Ichigo can't.

By the time Ichigo arrives on the scene, all that remains is a rapidly decaying corpse that he vaguely recognizes as Grand Fisher (if he was a giant humanoid behemoth).

And Ichigo is positively livid.

Sure, Grand Fisher is dead, and Ichigo knows he should draw solace from that, but he's left thoroughly unsatisfied. That anger and frustration simmers in the back of his mind while his thoughts whirl; who killed him? Who was strong enough? Why? And it leaves Ichigo's emotions and focus permanently divided for the rest of the arc.

Its a deep dark pit that festers through the rest of the story, eventually leaving nothing behind but a soul-deep dissatisfaction and emptiness that he has no idea how to fill.

Then, many arcs later, Ichigo is told about Yhwach. About the role he played in Masaki's death. With that knowledge, that vengeance reignites with a burning passion when granted a new target.

An attitude reflected in his sword's reforging, which can now only be described as cataclysmically violent. Not merely drying out the ocean used to quench blades like, in canon - violently destroying the forge itself. As his soul has been accepted in totality, honed and refined into a razor sharp blade with the determination to tear out Yhwach's throat.

In that arc, as much as Ichigo is still Ichigo, he is driven by a pathological zeal to murder Yhwach as repayment for his murder of Masaki. However, he also has a presence of mind to observe the war around him. A war ultimately born of revenge; its a churning bloodbath that's tearing people apart.

As Ichigo flies through the battlefield, he sees Humans, Quincy, Shinigami and Hollows. All of whom are either throwing their lives away for their own personal vendettas, or are innocent bystanders simply being caught up and slaughtered as collateral damage.

All of this coalescing and crystalizing in Ichigo's mind in a horrific realization: this is what he will become if he lets revenge consume him, the same way it consumed the Quincy and Shinigami.

This development culminates in the final confrontation. By the time Ichigo gets his showdown with Yhwach, he's decided to kill Yhwach, not out of personal hatred but duty.

In that moment, like they've done many times before, Rukia's words echo in Ichigo's mind, reaffirming the importance of balance between duty to protect others and vengeance for himself. He deliberately sets aside his hatred, instead embracing a desperate desire to simply save what's left because the war has fundamentally decimated people on every level of reality. And to do so, he must kill Yhwach.

Ichigo still gets his vengeance, and he can draw satisfaction from that, but the meaning and rational behind why he kills Yhwach shows he's finally learned to navigate that balance.

Once the battle's done, Ichigo realizes just how much of a burden everything's been to him. How damn tired he is. And with his role - his duty complete, Ichigo quietly leaves. Soul Society can deal with the clean up by themselves, leaving Ichigo free to simply go home and finally rest, having washed his hands of the business.

I know Kubo does has an ongoing theme about revenge. However, the theme isn't that that revenge is bad, per se, but those who wholly dedicate themselves to vengeance to the detriment of everything else are fools.

[voxofthevoid]

Oh my god! OH MY GOD!! I've been reading your Goyuu long fic and I think its easily the top 1 fic I've read this year. The dynamic is gold your Gojo characterization is everything I want and look for in the other ships and tragically can't find, and Yuuji/Sukuna symbiosis you have in there has me on my knees!!! I have always had a headcanon that Gojo is awful at intimacy not in the he hates intimacy way but his idea of intimacy is so warped that sometimes he can't differentiate between violence and love and god you deliver oh, you so deliver! And I love how you brought forward Yuuji's slightly unhinged violent side here too and his enjoyment of that mix of violence and sex I find very relatable tbh and in character for him. I don't know I feel like I can't articulate why I love your fic so much, especially chapter 10!! I've re-read it so sooo many times! Its perfect and maybe there's a little Sukuna in me too because every time I re-read it I'm turning into that sickos meme and go "yees, yees hehe yeees!!" anyway this was a longwinded way to say my braincells are invested in this fic. Thank you for sharing it with us!!!!

If I could eat this by the mouth, I would.

This would have been incredibly flattering to hear for any of my stories, but that fic is pretty much my favorite child among my JJK fics, so believe me when I say I’ve been floating on cloud nine since you sent this ask. Thank you so, so much ❤

I’m very much in the same camp when it comes to Gojou’s approach to intimacy. He’d want it, crave it—he’s canonically so lonely. But it’s also very clear that he’s not the most graceful (understatement of the year) when it comes to the emotional side of things, and the only close relationship he had in his life imploded spectacularly when he was seventeen. Recently, I called his affection “a kind of consuming love,” and that’s the headcanon I go with even in my tamest ideas. And every version of the story is anything but tame. I’d say that’s one of my most fucked-up Gojous. From the inciting event to the very end, everything serves to make him more and more insane about Yuuji.

As for Yuuji, I’ve pretty much turned his duality—that fascinating blend of immense compassion and devastating violence—into my fandom hill to kill and cannibalize on. On top of that, the sheer potential of his and Sukuna’s body-sharing situation gives me an evil thought or three, especially when considering the themes of body–soul themes in JJK and how Yuuji’s vesselhood is presented as distinctly different from that of others. He can digest a whole calamitous soul and feel every excruciating inch of the process, as a treat! So I’m right there with you in acting like the guy in the sickos meme 🤝

I appreciate those invested brain cells very much!