#drunk borg drunk borg drunk borg | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

foone · 2 years ago

Text

you know what'd be a fun idea for a trek fanshow? Star Trek: Mission Logs. You just put a couple people in starfleet uniforms, and have them read off summaries of episodes in an increasingly incredulous tone. Like Drunk History: Star Trek Edition.

"so the captain says that while on the way to the inauguration ceremony, they diverted course to Vulcan as their first officer needed SO MUCH to fuck that he was a week from death, but then when they got there, he got stood up, and then fought the captain TO DEATH but he was ok?"

"so it turns out when they disappeared during the battle with the borg, they went back in time and found out that the first use of warp drive had been undone, so they had to personally help Cochrane rebuild his ship, and they were there for first contact!?"

I say "drunk history" because I imagine the people at the starfleet HQ have to drink heavily to handle the kind of reports they keep getting in from starfleet captains.

"So after a miserable first contact, the commander, doctor, first officer, and science officer disappeared, and their security officer found that the boardgame the barkeep was playing had pieces that represented them? and they were somehow mystically imprisoned inside the game!"

"so the captain says that they detected a ship trapped inside a black hole (!?) and when they tried to rescue the ship, they got damaged and then discovered they were that ship, trapped inside without realizing. Fortunately they found the crack in the event horizon and escaped." (the lieutenant then passes out after finishing the entire bottle of Bolian vodka)

"So while they were on a vital mission to locate the aliens who had blown up florida and were planning to destroy the entire planet, they found a... Cowboy Planet!?" Everyone yells "COWBOY PLANET!" and takes a shot.

"So while testing a weapons upgrade, a crewmember's case of flu was accidentally turned into an infectious de-evolutionary mutagen, causing the crewmember to turn into a spider, and the rest of the crew to undergo similar changes." "stop, stop, STOP! you made that one up, admit it!" "no, really! Their counselor turned into a frog." "ok, now I'm just not going to believe anything you say."

"so a former captain of the ship was visiting when they tried to rescue a ship flying directly into a supernova, but got 'pulled in'!? and ended up in a REVERSE TIME UNIVERSE? naturally, everyone quickly de-aged to children, and the elderly former captain had to take command" "Spelk, you're not even trying this time, that's not even remotely plausible"

"So it turns out that the terrorist who took over the paradise planet was the first officer's (half-)brother, and he uses his magic hypnosis to cause the crew to mutiny and join his mission to travel to the middle of the galaxy... and find god!?" "Did... did they find god?" "oh yeah! turns out he was evil. Don't worry, the first officer blew him up using a klingon warbird." "he blew up god?" "yeah!"

"So this is a little different, it's not a mission log... it's a repair log." "That doesn't sound like it'd be very weird..." "Oh, just you wait. So, they had to get refueled because all their dilithium had been stolen." "Stolen?" "Yes. By a man from AN ANTIMATTER DIMENSION" "So a man in an antimatter dimension discovered there were two dimensions, and his matter counterpart went insane and obsessed with killing the anti-matter version of him, but meeting outside the dimensional corridor would destroy both universes" "both... universes? So if the captain didn't stop these guys, everyone in our entire universe and some other one would be gone?" "YEP!" "did he stop them? well, I guess he did, since we're still here" "oh yeah. trapped 'em in the dimensional corridor forever." "so they're just out there in some weird in-between-the-universes place, just fighting, for all time? and that's the only reason we haven't blown up?" "YEP!" "and this all came out in the logs... because they put in for repairs?" "yeah. to replace the stolen dilithium" "are you sure the captain wasn't really into dabo or kotra and wagered the dilithium crystals on a "sure thing" that didn't pan out?"

"So this one is a report of some people (with pictures!) who don't exist." "They don't exist?" "Nope! never did. They weren't born." "So, we have pictures of them, because?" "Well, the ship crashed, and the stranded crew had kids... then they uncrashed." "uncrashed?" "yeah! so it turns out when they approached the planet, they got thrown a couple centuries back in time, and met their descendants. then when they tried to leave, the ship would crash, restarting the loop. but it didn't." "it didn't?" "yeah, one of the crew was secretly in love with another officer, but she wasn't going to survive the crash, so despite the crew attempting to recreate the crash to continue the existence of their past-future-descendants, he sabotaged the ship into not crashing" "wait, into not crashing? he did sabotage to make everything... work perfectly?" "yeah! they were trying to crash, remember? So they inadvertently didn't crash, undoing the existence of all of their descendants, so they never existed. But here's their pictures!"

"ooh, I found a really weird one! It's not a mission report, medical file, or even another repair log" "So what is it? Another weird artifact?" "no no no, I sent those off to the SCP division. This is a SPY REPORT! About a dead Romulan!" "So this report is on a spy saying that the Romulans had gotten access to some secret information about the then-upcoming Intrepid-class starships. Very minimal info, but this was found in a Romulan database when the ship was just undergoing initial design stages" "Here's the weird part: The database file with the information on the Intrepid was timestamped 2351, but Starfleet didn't even start initial design work on the Intrepid until 2364!" "So they used time travel? to get... basic information on one single starship class?" "Kinda? See, there's a P.S. on the spy file, added later when it was declassified. The leaked info in the Romulan database was discovered in 2371, but the file was updated in 2378, with an explanation." "and?" "Remember when the U.S.S. Voyager was lost?" "oh yeah, they turned out to have just been stuck on the other side of the galaxy, right?" "Yeah! And while they were there, they found a microscopic wormhole, and successfully used it to communicate back with the Romulans... but discovered it was a TIME WORMHOLE" "oh, so they were talking to the Romulans back in 2351?" "Yep! They figured that out and then decided not to transport through the wormhole, as they would have gotten home 20 years before they left, but they sent some messages back to be delivered later. They didn't come through" "why not?" "well... turns out the romulan guy (Telek R'Mor) died before Voyager ever launched, so he never got a chance to deliver the messages. but he DID inform the Tal Shiar about some design elements of the Intrepid class, years before it was launched" "that must have confused them" "yes... the report is basically just two spy agencies completely confused about what to do about the intelligence they had, and confused about why they had it"

"ok ok ok, enough artifacts, mission logs, spy reports, medical reports, repair logs, how about a really weird one: A SENSOR REPORT!" "why is that one weird?" "well, look at the timestamp. Both of them." "so one timestamp is 2372, and the other is... negative 16 billion?" "yep! This one is a scan of the big bang. And slightly before it." "... before?" "Yeah! They did a scan, and then THE BIG BANG HAPPENED, and then fortunately they got out of there before the universe fully existed, as that would exceed the ship's safety tolerances" "so... why were they at the big bang?" "well... you know the farpoint encounter, and that godly being the USS Enterprise ran into?" "oh god (uh, no pun intended)... but yeah, vaguely" "WELL it turns out there was another one of those godly beings who was suicidal and imprisoned in a comet, and-" "wait wait wait. there was a god trapped in a comet?" "yes. apparently they're infinitely powerful but weak to comets. ANYWAY. he was suicidal and trying to hide" "hide? WHAT DOES A GOD HAVE TO HIDE FROM?" "well he was hiding from the other god! the one at farpoint! that one was the one who imprisoned him. because he was suicidal." "so the god was in the comet, and the other god put him there, and someone let him out? and then he hid?" "yes! and where does a god hide?" "at the big bang?" "slightly before, but yes! and he took the ship along with him, so that's how they were able to scan the big bang. because of getting involved in a weird game of hide-and-seek between a suicidal god and a jailer-god" "so what happened? how did they get out of the whole god-war thing?" "well... usual stuff. they put the god on trial to see if he could be allowed to die, but compromised on making him human and a crew member" "so they had a former god on their crew?" "briefly. then he died." "he died? after settling for human?" "yeah, it turned out the jailer-god changed his mind and decided to rebel against god-society and started by giving the former-god some deadly poison to let him finally die, like he wanted" "well, at least that seems to have ended... well?"

"oh no, there's a follow up! see, it seems the dead god thing lead to a god-civil-war and it seems that caused a bunch of supernovae in 2373." "wait... supernovae? plural? like, outshined-the-entire-galaxy SUPERNOVAE? that must have killed billions, or trillions!" "yep! it was a massive disaster and caused a real crisis in astronomy because we had no idea why it was happening, but it suddenly stopped, thankfully. But yes, it was started because the crew accidentally freed a suicidal god from a comet." "oh god..." "literally!"

"don't worry, though... that's not the weird bit" "HOW IS THAT NOT THE WEIRD BIT?" "OK I PROMISE I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP... but after the first supernovae of the 2373 Calamity, it turns out the captain (of the ship that killed the god) discovered another god... in her bed" "her... bed?" "Yeah! it turns out the other god wanted to have a child. with her." "... that's weird but what does this have to do with the supernovae?" "he wanted to end the war, and figured the best way to do it was to get her pregnant with a god-baby"

"NOPE! That's it! I'm out. that's not real. you're making it up. We don't live in a universe where one captain caused death across the universe by sparking a god-war and then only ending it by having a baby with a god. I'm out. I have a Warp Dynamics test to study for anyway."

"wait! wait! I didn't even tell you about the time she turned into a lizard and had babies with her pilot" "NO! I DON'T CARE HOW MANY WEIRD THINGS YOU MAKE UP, THERE ARE NO LIZARD BABIES"

"no, I swear, it really happened! Look, they went infinitely fast and occupied every point in the universe!" "THAT'S NOT HOW SPEED WORKS" "it is! and it turns out going everywhere at once infinitely fast turns you into a lizard!" "*sigh* Are there any reports on unhearing that?"

I imagine they sometimes decide to go HARD MODE on the report readings, where they have to put aside all the ones with "Voyager" on them. They're just too easy.

"So I've got two reports here, and I want you to pick between them. One is the second weirdest transporter visitor log, and the other is a report on why a science officer is 30 years old... except his head, which is 495 years old!" "I'm going to cut you off there, because I know your tricks: those are both the same incident." "Yep! You got me. Am I really that predictable?" "You are. Also, second weirdest transporter visitor log? You phrased that very specifically..." "I wanted to rule out all the transporter accidents and strange misuses of the transporter, and focus solely on WHO was transported. This was the second weirdest person." "I'm not going to take the obvious bait and ask who it was... but I will ask: who is the weirdest?" "Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln. President of the United States, a predecessor to the unified Earth government... he died in 1865." "WHY WAS HE TRANSPORTED? Who was time traveling back to the 1860s? and if they were in the 1860s, why were they beaming up Presidents?" "HARDMODE: No time travel! He was transported out of open space in 2269, because he had been recreated by the local mineral beings on their lava-planet" "why... why did the lava aliens recreate a 19th century Earth president?" "To study GOOD AND EVIL!" "Like you do, I guess?" "Yeah... anyway, the recreated Lincoln got killed by a spear, thrown by either Genghis Khan or Kahless the Unforgettable" "THE FOUNDER OF THE KLINGON EMPIRE?" "Yeah! he got recreated too. And teamed up with Genghis." "No. no no no no no you made this up" "It's real! Check it out, there's a message here to the diplomatic department, asking for the proper protocol to accept a 19th century US president abort a quasi-military vessel. And there's a video clip! Hit play on that..."

"Man, video quality was terrible back in 2269" "Yeah, they were using analog tapes back then. Don't ask why. Retrotechnology studies are so complicated even without timetravel messing everything up. So yeah, apparently the answer is 'dress uniforms, security guys, whistle'" "oh yeah. You can't welcome a 19th century Earth president on board without a whistle. Where's your sense of ceremony!?"

"So I really have to go, my Intermediate Klingoneese class starts in like 5 minutes, but just tell me one thing: Who was the 2nd weirdest transporter visitor on the logs?" "Oh! Samuel Clemens." "Who?" "Mark Twain! Earth author, wrote Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn?" "What? How?" "Yeah, a crew found a time portal that went back to 1893, while trying to figure out why the head of one of their crewmembers was in a cave on earth, and accidentally sent him forward to 2368, and beamed him aboard." "Did they wipe his memory afterwards or something?" "NOPE!" "So the 19th century Earth author Mark Twain, who I'm now remembering wrote a novel about time travel, didn't he?" "yep!" "So he wrote about time travel and HAD PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH IT?" "Yeah! thanks to snake aliens, eating humans in the past"

"Yeah I'm gonna go ask my teacher how they say 'You deserve to die for your lies' on Qo'noS" "I think it's... Hegh nep qotlh SoH? maybe 'urmang instead of nep?" "I'M OUT, petaQ!"

(a transcript of a twitter thread I made from back in July 2020)

#star trek #star trek voyager #star trek the next generation #star trek deep space 9 #star trek enterprise

834 notes · View notes

visenyaism · 2 years ago

Text

maybe the reason everyone in westeros is like that is because wine drunk, arguably the zestiest kind of drunk, is the only drunk you can get aside from tavern ale (icky), pear brandy (rare) or fermented goat/horse milk (can’t knock haven’t tried.) the borg would fix these people

#asked to leave flea bottom darty because i showed up with a borg🫡#WAIT THE FOSSOWAYS. FANTASY BOLDIES WE R SAVED.

416 notes · View notes

oxxytocinoverdose · 10 days ago

Note

can I request (platonic) kai + morro + reader in a workplace au? kai and morro are gossip buddies/friends and think reader is an arrogant asshole before actually speaking to them. in reality reader just has trouble adjusting to people in casual conversations because they have social anxiety... when kai and/or morro end up speaking to them reader is like a mouse & has a quiet voice and a slight stutter audibly caused by nerves... they all become friends hehe ^^

I wrote it and it didn’t save, so now I’m rewriting from memory and I’m a little antsy while writing this but I should be okay!! 😊 I wholeheartedly agree that Morro and Kai are gossips that won’t stfu. Didn’t Kai admit in Monstosity one of his flaws is that he can’t mind his own business?? Morro and Kai are really similar , both being impulsive , emotionally reactive , and prone to jealousy and all. I tried my best to make their personality differences blatant. I’m going to assume you’re referring to a corporate workplace, so that’s where the story will take place. I’m excited to write a protag with social anxiety cuz of my own experiences with it . I think I can make it really accurate. This took a while to research (corporate scares the shit out of me 💔) so sorry about the wait!

Typing from a distance

Corporate!Workplace AU, reader can be of any gender, every relationship is platonic

───��ৎ────────୨ৎ───

You’ve been working in the marketing department of Borg Industries for almost two weeks, and you still haven’t made any friends. You took the job of marketing automation because it required very little social interaction. You just had to develop working code in your little cubicle, and only really had to speak to your boss and the occasional fellow software developer for debugging and running tests and such. If the other employees had an issue running the websites you developed, the manager would go to you with their complaints. You thought you’d like it that way, but you’re so lonely. Every second you’re at work and you aren’t working, you’re wishing you were part of the conversation the people behind you were partaking in. They only ever ask for a pen or your stapler. You want to talk to people during lunch break, but you freeze at the entrance. You know just one more step forward and they’ll be looking at you, and multiple of them will start talking to you all at once. Or even worse, they don’t approach you at all— and you’re left wondering why they didn’t for the rest of your life. You just scurry back to your cubicle and eat there. It feels like highschool all over again.

Two of your exceptionally bored and talkative coworkers have noticed this. Morro, risk analyst of the department , and Kai, who’s behind Borg Industries’ social media. You’re refilling coffee while watching them talk. Kai doesn’t really realize how loud he is.

“Pay up.” Kai leans over Morro’s cubicle, hand outstretched.

“Can’t I just buy you a drink?” Morro leans back in his chair, arms crossed like there’s no way Kai’s gonna get any money out of him.

“If I agree now, you’ll get me some cheap shit.”

“Obviously. Are you expecting some expensive wine? It doesn’t even matter. They both get you drunk.”

“A bet’s a bet! You were wrong.”

“..We should wait longer..”

“You-…”

You realize what this is about. Kai had posted something snarky about a competing tech company. Morro said he shouldn’t, predicting it’d affect our sales by making the company look immature to the older demographic. Morro was surprisingly, wrong. Sales boosted, follower count went up.

“I swear to God, Kai. Sales are gonna plummet ‘cause of your bullshit. The increase in sales is just because of younger people who thrive off of drama and conflict making impulse purchases. Our consistent customers are old! They think stuff like what you tweeted is immature.”

“I’m still gonna think stuff like that is funny when I’m 40.”

“Well not everybody’s as immature as you.”

“Riiiight, Riight. You’re wearing black nail polish to work.”

“That’s tame as hell!”

Kai slides his chair out of his cubicle and up next to Morro., before speaking again. “Stop talking about work at work, that’s not what work’s for.” He grabs a piece of gum from Morro’s desk.

“That’s exactly what work’s for.”

“When’d you get so boring?”

“Alright, alright. What’d you overhear, huh?”

“Chase is making like, triple what we are.”

“That’s it? That’s your drama? And I’m the boring one?”

“What?!”

“Nothing fun about salary talk.”

“Ohhh, so you wanna hear about what’s going on in peoples’ personal lives, don’t you?”

“.. You know me.”

“I’m pretty sure the boss of the sales department’s getting chewed up for trying to fuck his secretary. Mr. Thompson?”

“No way.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“‘Course I do. The more money someone makes in this place, the more of a scumbag they end up.”

“Is that why you want a raise so bad? Wanna let your true colors show through?”

“Oh whatever, you whore… You’re one promotion away from being just like Thompson.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You flirt with eeeeverybody.”

“I do not.”

“I’ll ask around, then! Everyone’s got a story regarding you.. you look at ‘em a little long, touch their hand trying to show them how to work a machine.”

“You sound jealous.”

“I would’ve beat the shit out of you if you tried that with me.”

“Not that. Gross. I’m saying you wish you had the confidence to be like me.”

“To try to sleep with everyone? Yeah, right.”

“Woah. Hey. I’m not trying to go home with them or anything… I’m just, trying to create some tension.. it’s fun, sometimes they stutter.”

“… Why do I even talk to you?”

You laugh, smiling down at your cup. When you look up, you realize you didn’t watch your volume properly— because they’re both looking up at you like, “What’s funny?”. Now you’re convinced they think you’re a stalker.

You go back to your cubicle, far away from them, mood now dimmed. You don’t hear what they say.

“You talk too loud.” Morro mutters to Kai being taking a sip of his drink.

“Maybe I should be able to talk without people staring at us.”

“Alright, they’re a little nosy, yeah, but you—“

“A little?”

“..I mean, they’re always staring at somebody. But whenever someone tries to talk to them they just leave.”

“They got one of the higher ups to come stalk us.. make sure we’re doing our work.”

“You ‘n your conspiracy theories… well, you might be onto something, though..”

“I’m gonna ask.”

“You— you’re gonna ask the potential spy if they’re a spy?”

“You seriously believe my conspiracy?”

“…Well..”

About an hour later, you’re doing your daily look into the break room, contemplating if you should enter and start a conversation. You never end up doing it. This time, though, Kai comes to you and walks with you to your cubicle, leaving you unable to just fuck off like you want to.

“How’re you liking the place?”

“..It’s okay..”

“How do you feel about our boss?”

“He’s alright..”

“How long you think you’re gonna stay here?”

“Not sure..”

“Why’re you always running away from everybody here?”

“…uhhhhhh…”

You didn’t even notice Morro there as well. They seem to hang out with eachother often. “I mean, no offense, just seems like you think you’re better than us or something.”

Morro lightly kicks Kai in the ankle, “Hey..”

“I’m just curious! I’m not trying to be mean..!”

“I.. j-j..” This is mortifying. The people you wanna be friends with think you’re rude. You wish your resting face wasn’t so bitchy. You wish you could just approach people, like others do. “Kai” Morro looks irritated. “It’s just— why’re you always deathstarin’ us?? What did we do to you? Why do you never talk bad about our boss? Were you— like, sent here or something?”

“Kai!” Morro puts his hand on Kai’s shoulder, making him face him. “Come on. They’re just shy. Can’t you tell?”

“I’m not-“

“Not everyone wants to make their presence known the way you do , alright? Relax, you’re starting to sound like an asshole.”

Kai turns back to you. Your eyes are still wide, and you’re picking at the skin on your fingers without even realizing. Guilt creeps onto both their faces. Kai feels like he was acting like a highschool bully.

“..Sorry, sorry..”

“It- it’s okay! I’m not actually really good at like, talking. I’m sorry. But I’m … working in marketing, like you guys .. and I’m um, like 3 cubicles behind you..”

This is awful. You’re rambling about things they already know. You even mention your name, as if this is your first day here. Somehow, this actually.. works? They insist you sit with them. And this happens the next day. And the next, and the next. And then it happens outside of lunch. And you start to find yourself walking up to their cubicles while working. They find themselves telling you what they’ve heard around the workplace. You find yourself hanging out with them after work. You notice that you stutter less. You join Morro in making fun of Kai with giving everybody flirty looks, and you join Kai in making fun of Morro for the scowl that never seems to leave his face. In turn, they make fun of your stutter occasionally. You’ve learned to live with it.

“Chase isn’t here ‘cause he’s hungover! I’m telling you!” Kai insists. Morro doesn’t look away form his computer . “That’s such bullshit.. I came to work hungover like, twenty times…”

“That doesn’t sound like.. a good thing..” You reply.

“You aren’t impressed by my high alcohol tolerance?”

“It’s definitely not high if you got hungover twenty times , you dipshit.” Kai’s playing catch with himself using a pen.

“Don’t talk to me like that if you’re gonna keep stealing my gum.”

You laugh, and this time, no weird stares. You finally have friends.

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔ 　　　. 　　˚　　　　*　　　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　　　　　

#lego ninjago #ninjago fanfiction #morrowind #morro wu #ninjago morro #kai ninjago #kai smith #kai jiang

11 notes · View notes

erzivy · 1 year ago

Note

What would the counselors be like while drunk?

tw for drinking and mentions of vomiting!

ryan doesn't normally drink, but when he does, he's so sleepy. he drinks alcohol like someone's dad and falls asleep somewhere quiet before he could even be considered drunk

kaitlyn is a loud drunk, she doesn't even realize her voice has gone up like three levels and she's blowing everyone's eardrums out getting too fired up about a board game

abi doesn't like the taste of alcohol, so she has to mix it in a LOT of a fruity drink. her favorite liquor is peach soju (a korean grain liquor) because it tastes like juice if she mixes it with lemonade

dylan mixes abi's drinks for her so he can use the rest of her lemonade to water down his full solo cup of malibu. he claims it makes it burn less when he throws it up an hour later. he's lying. he's a lightweight and consistently overdoes it when he's trying to impress other people

emma takes alcohol like a champ- she's classy so she prefers to get wine-drunk. it gives her horrible headaches. pioneer of the borg trend because she's a liquid iv devotee

jacob is a daring drunk- as established in-game- and he would, unfortunately, do almost anything someone asked him to. he was definitely about to strip down and hurdle the fire before kaitlyn told him not to.

nick is a giggly drunk who laughs at anything anyone says or does. he's also a puker, and he's known to do... both at once, and emma has trained herself to tell when his giggling turns to retching so she can lean him forward

max is 100% a sloppy, emotional drunk. he will sit there silently crying over how much he loves his wife (*laura voice* we're not married, max) and eventually said not wife will have to tuck him into bed because he's worn himself out

laura's naturally good at drinking- she enjoys bitter flavors and she's got a crazy metabolism so her body burns alcohol fast. she's also a loud drunk, but not nearly as loud as kaitlyn- she just laughs really loud

#the quarry #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #laura kearney #max brinly #abigail blyg #jacob custos #kaitlyn ka #nick furcillo #emma mountebank #headcanons #ask

38 notes · View notes

finn-m-corvex · 2 years ago

Text

Whumptober 2023 Day 1 - "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Hello everyone, and welcome to Finn's Whumptober! This is the first of the past fifteen days to come out, and the other fourteen will be releasing every hour on the hour! I've put an incredible amount of work into making these (the first batch is like. 30k words alone-) so if you guys have been craving some of my content, here you go! You're getting plenty nowadays!

GENERAL TWS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF MY STORIES: blood, vomit, beatings, assault, bullying, kinda gorey at some points, other stuff just be careful. I'll go back through and tag each individually if I need to!

Since I'm scheduling these, I won't have the opportunity to add anyone but @splinnters to the tag list, but there's going to be so many of them that I feel like it's going to be easy to find. Hope you enjoy reading all of these as much as I enjoyed writing them!

Words: 2.1k

Jay was bored.

Who knew working a party could be so mind-numbingly boring? The point of parties was to let loose and have fun, and yet here he was, stuck in a dumb stuffy suit in the corner only watching as everyone got more and more drunk off their asses. He sipped at his disappointedly non-alcoholic punch, pretending like he was keeping a careful eye over the rest of the patrons as they danced.

Getting called to watch Cyrus Borg’s work functions was one of the worst things to happen to him in recent times.

“Check in, everyone,” Lloyd said over the comm, and Jay tapped his foot against the ground as he waited for everyone else to sound off. Cole was standing on the entire other side of the room, and Jay had long since given up trying to hold a mime’s version of a conversation with his brother when the earth ninja only gave him an unimpressed stare after the first gesture. At least he was stuck in here with his best friend rather than Kai or Zane; knowing them, he would’ve gotten a full lecture rather than just a look.

A crackle, and then his beautiful Yang’s angelic voice. “Kai and I are clear.”

Part of Jay wanted to chime in and talk to her with a casual conversation about guest gossip, but he had already gotten in enough trouble tonight; he couldn’t start pushing it.

Zane and Pixal both spoke, and then it was Cole’s turn. “Jay and I are clear, although someone needs to start laying off the punch. He’s already almost spilled on himself more than once.”

“Hey!” Jay exclaimed, but he still kept it down so no one would start listening in. It pleased him immensely to hear Nya giggle over the comm, and it took every bit of self-restraint to keep from playing up the act. “I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.”

“Sure you are, bro,” Cole rolled his eyes across the room, and Jay felt his power start to flicker under his skin in frustration. Pushing the lightning down, Jay huffed, checking in with Lloyd before going back to his self-assigned duty of people-watching. At least he had a nice spot next to the punch table.

It wasn’t very long before someone bumped into him, causing his drink to slosh around and over the rim of his glass. Jay turned to face whoever it was, ready to give them a piece of his mind for almost getting punch on his nice shoes (seriously, they were brand-new!), but he stopped when he remembered that these people were all civillians and he did have to at least make an effort to be nice.

Unfortunately.

“I’m so sorry about that,” the stranger said, flashing his pearly whites and readjusting his cuffs. Jay’s danger sense was going off, and he resisted every urge in his body that was screaming for him to run far away from here. This was just a normal guy, so why was he feeling like this?

“Don’t worry about it, no harm done,” Jay chuckled, masking his discomfort with ease. It was one of his most used skills, especially in social situations.

“Surely you wouldn’t mind if I just got you another glass? Anything for a great hero of Ninjago!”

Never accept drinks from strangers, dear, he could hear his Ma say, and Jay always heeded the advice his mother gave him after the Underwear Incident.

He shook his head. “No thank you, don’t worry about it. Go enjoy the festivities, please, I insist.”

A rather cold goodbye for the sociable lightning ninja; Jay hoped that no one else would notice so it wouldn’t end up on the media. What a mess to clean up that would be, and the others already made enough messes online. The man huffed as if Jay had personally offended him, stalking off into the crowd where Jay’s eyes couldn’t be bothered to follow him. Frowning, Jay took another sip of his drink, only to bring it away from his mouth in confusion.

Why did it taste different?

Must be my lightning, Jay thought to himself as he drank it, noticing the previously sweet taste switching to salty. His lightning tended to change his taste buds whenever he suppressed it, just another little quirk of having powers, so this was just another case of that happening.

It definitely wasn’t the case fifteen minutes later.

Jay kept getting dizzier and dizzier as time passed, leaning back on the pillar and relying on it to keep him stable. Everything around him was spinning, the low lights blurring into vague patterns and swirling around on the floor at a speed that he couldn’t comprehend. He could feel the sweat gathering on the back of his neck, hot and sticking to his shirt collar. There were nails being driven into his temples, and he winced as the crowd suddenly cheered when Cyrus Borg came out on the other side of the room to start his speech. Pixal and Zane were on the stage with him, and Jay had to keep himself from screaming as the spotlights followed the three as they walked.

Up until now, he had hesitated everytime his hand went to his comm; he had already pissed Cole off once or twice, he shouldn’t say anything unless it was an absolute emergency.

His vision blacked out for a second, and Jay was suddenly hyperaware of everything happening around him. This wasn’t normal; this was an emergency.

“Cole,” Jay said, swallowing back the spit in his mouth that threatened to spill down his lips. Why couldn’t he feel his lips? Why did his throat feel like it was clogging up with something?

Reaching up with an arm, his brother looked quite bored. “What is it now, Jay?”

“Something’s wrong.”

Jay must’ve forgotten to switch to their private channel, because Lloyd’s voice came through the tinny speaker. “Jay, what’s wrong?”

“I-I’m dizzy,” Jay couldn’t keep himself from stuttering, and he started panicking as his knee gave out from under him. What the hell was in his drink?

Starting to push through the crowd, he could barely pick Cole out from the crowd, only hearing the earth ninja’s voice through his earpiece. “Jay, Jay did you drink something-”

And Jay was crashing to the floor.

Head smacking against the ground, Jay was coughing up spit, reeling from the loud gasp that surged through the crowd at the sight of one of the Ninja collapsing. Even though this was far from the first time that he had hit his head, he still found himself dizzier than before, struggling to ground himself in the forest of suit pants and dresses that he was stuck in. His hands were shaking as they tried to push him up, and he cried out as his elbows stopped working and his head hit the ground again.

Why couldn’t he feel his legs? Panic swarmed through his chest as he tried to wiggle his toes, but he couldn’t tell if it was working.

First Master, he was drugged.

“Move!” he heard two voices at once; one voice in the earpiece and the other through the ear not smushed against the tile. “Move out of the way!”

Other voices were clammering around him, and Jay would’ve yelled for them all to shut up if his tongue didn’t feel like it was a piece of cotton stuffed into his mouth. He was pretty sure he was drooling all on the floor, and he could feel the excess dribbling down his chin when rough hands pulled him upright.

There was Cole, face pinched in worry and hurriedly speaking into his comm. “I have him, he just collapsed and I don’t know why. Shut down the exits and get Borg out of here-”

Jay had to stop listening as the spotlights focused directly into his eyes, and he slammed his eyelids shut as if that were going to do anything. Cole was quick to block out the light, but the damage had been done; Jay leaned to the side and vomited, red punch spurting from his lips along with the small finger sandwiches that he had chowed down on earlier. Some of it landed on some poor patron’s shoes, and Jay opened his mouth to apologize only to upchuck more of his guts. His stomach heaved under the weight of his anxiety, feeling the voices around him change to a disgusted pitch, and the feeling of knowing that all of these strangers were seeing one of their protectors collapse and throw up like some drunkard made him flush with shame.

Something hauled him up from under the armpits, and suddenly he was on the move. Cole was taking him somewhere.

“Can’t take you anywhere without shit hitting the fan,” Cole grumbled, and Jay could feel the tears stinging at his eyes in protest. He didn’t mean for this to happen!

But was it his fault anyway? Could he have done anything to stop the man?

He was sat on some cheap chair a few hallways down, and Jay couldn’t move his arms or legs to try and readjust himself, the numbness spreading from his chest outwards. Cole pressed a warm hand to Jay’s forehead, feeling his cheeks and the back of his neck.

Jay felt so ashamed when he couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. “Cole, Cole-”

“What happened, Jay?” Cole asked, a serious expression on his face. He reached up to start thumbing away the tears. “Are you drunk? I promise you aren’t in trouble if you are, things happen.”

He shook his head as best as he could. “No, someone spiked it.”

Mouth agape, Cole clicked it shut, fury overtaking his features. “Who. The. Fuck. Spiked your drink?”

“A guy, he ran into me and must’ve put it in my punch,” Jay let out a small sob as the spinning room sped up. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“The only thing you have to be sorry for is not telling me sooner,” Cole stressed, cupping his brother’s cheek when Jay’s head lulled to the side. “First Master, is this why you were so fidgety? I knew something was wrong; I’m the one who should be saying sorry to you.”

Shaking his head, Jay felt the shame swell up even further. “It’s not your fault-”

“No, but I’m still your brother, and I should’ve checked in the moment I thought something was wrong.” Cole clicked his tongue, thumb brushing against Jay’s jaw in a way that had his heart aching. “I gotta check how bad it is, bluebell. How many fingers am I holding up?”

If Jay was being completely honest, it looked like twelve, so that’s exactly what he said. Cole’s worried face was not reassuring in the slightest.

Nya’s voice flowed into his ear, and Jay sobbed. He wanted her, he wanted her so bad. “Jay, honey, I need you to talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Some asshat spiked his drink,” Cole said briskly, shrugging off his suit jacket and draping it over Jay after seeing how hard the blue ninja was shaking. “He’s still conscious, but I don’t think he’s moving anytime soon. We’re in the hallway off to the left of the main room.”

Finally, the severity of the situation hit Jay: he had been drugged. Someone had deliberately sought him out and messed with his drink with ill intentions that Jay could only dream of, even though those dreams would actually be nightmares.

The thought of what could’ve happened if Cole hadn’t seen him go down made him sick to his stomach.

“I’ll be right there,” and Jay felt his lip start to wobble as the sobs rushed up his throat, because he wanted Nya here now and he was scared and he was too cold but too hot at the same time and he couldn’t move and Cole was mad at him and why was his vision tunneling and oh shit was it always this hard to breathe-

A hand tangled itself in his hair, gently freeing it from its prison of hair products as Jay gasped for air. “Stay with me, Bluejay. Nya’s on her way and then we’re getting you out of here. You’re gonna go home and we’re going to spoil you rotten, okay?”

His hands scrambled for something to hang onto, his fingertips unfeeling, and Cole was quick to put his other warm hand into Jay’s as he readjusted the makeshift blanket over Jay’s form. It wasn’t nearly as good as a shock blanket would’ve been but beggars can’t be choosers. Jay forced his body forward, landing clumsily on Cole’s chest as the earth ninja quickly compensated for the extra weight. “I want Nya.”

There was yelling from the main room that made it hard for Jay to hear what Cole was saying. “I know buddy, she’ll be here soon. I’m going to hold you just like this for a little while, okay?”

“Okay,” Jay whispered, feeling the tears start to soak into his brother’s suit, and First Master he hoped it was going to be okay.

#whumptober 2023 #finn's writing #ninjago jay #ninjago fanfiction #lego ninjago #ninjago cole #ninjago whumptober #whumptober day 1

68 notes · View notes

stra-tek · 2 years ago

Text

Facts about Captain Robau

This was a long-running thread on TrekBBS in 2008-2009, a riff on the "Facts about Chuck Norris" meme. And it had some gems (thanks to all TrekBBS members who participated):

The Kelvin's shields aren't for keeping weapons out... they're for keeping Robau in.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Captain Robau.

Spock is constantly shouting in "The Cage" because he can't hear his own voice over the sound of how awesome Captain Robau is.

Sisko and Picard are arent really bald. They just want to be like Captain Robau

The Kelvin doesn't need two warp nacelles to create a symmetrical warp field. Captain Robau simply wills it to happen.

That God head thing in Star Trek V wasn't exiled to the center of the galaxy he went to hide from Captain Robau

That Borg didn't open a gateway to fluidic space to assimilate species 8472 they did to get away from Captain Robau

Captain Robau doesn't sleep. He waits.

Captain Robau doesn't use the transporter. He just leaps down to the surface.

The new Enterprise is being built on the ground because Captain Robau plans to lift it into orbit

Captain Robau can kill two stones with one bird.

When Capt. Robau was born, the only one in the room crying was the Doctor. Never slap Capt. Robau.

Captain Robau does simply walk into Mordor.

Captain Robau doesn't do pushups. He pushed the planet down and then pulls it back up.

In space, Captain Robau can hear you scream.

Captain Robau is hung like a Horsehead Nebula.

Captain Robau once used a crowbar to destroy Ceti Alpha VI. That crowbar later found its way to Black Mesa.

Captain Robau is immune to entropy.

When Captain Robau makes love, he causes a quantum singularity.

Captain Robau's bald scalp is considered an aphrodisiac in...oh, what's that place called? OH. Right.

The universe.

Zod kneels before Robau.

Captain Robau got drunk one night and relieved himself out in the desert. The spot in the desert is now known as the Grand Canyon.

Captain Robau CAN beam through raised shields.

A supernova didn't destroy Romulus, Robau did!

Robau doesn't wear sun screen. The Sun wears Robau screen.

The Great Bird of the Galaxy is the name given to Captain Robau's cock.

Captain Robau was deeply surprised that in VOY: “Threshold” everyone who went at warp 10 didn’t evolve into him. Then he realised, even at their most evolved potential, the Voyager crew are no match for Captain Robau.

Captain Robau never went to Starfleet Academy. He just showed up one day and flew the Kelvin out of spacedock. No one had the balls to question him.

Captain Robau decided to take up pottery one day. He named the result The Guardian of Forever.

Captain Robau told Pluto to fuck off and stop being a planet. It did.

Q used to have a proper name but Captain Robau slapped him so hard he forgot it.

The great barrier exists to protect the other galaxies from Captain Robau.

Stardate 0000.1 was the moment Captain Robau was born.

Sha Ka Ree is Vulcan for Captain Robau.

What does Captain Robau use for a condom?

SPACEDOCK.

#star trek #star trek aos #star trek kelvin timeline #kelvinverse #uss kelvin #captain robau #star trek meme #trekbbs

104 notes · View notes

rocket-sith · 1 year ago

Text

Q GOT TIRED OF MAKING ROBINHOOD LARPS SO HE DECIDED TO OPEN FOUR DIFFERENT CHRONO-TRIGGER SAVE FILES AT THE SAME TIME INSTEAD, but only one needed further progress (non-linear progress of course), two were already complete but were saved in the wrong place and missing a sidequest (lol time being non-linear what?), and the fourth was a big ol' sparkly decoy, a glitched file of nonsensical bits n bites, alluringly named Picard, that nearly crashed the game and took everything with it while you were busy looking for continuity in all the wrong places.

Behold! Season 2 of Picard, AKA Facepalm Theater Presents, AKA "Dude, where's my Tapestry?"

Love it, hate it, WTF it, or some should-be-impossible combination thereof - but somehow, you feel it. Are you in one or both of those last two camps? Yeah, me too. But I think I might have a theory. And no, it's not bunnies. (I rambled a bit about this somewhat in the A/Ns and comment thread of one of my fics a few weeks back, but the proper brain dump belongs here).

Season 2 of Picard is neither episodic, NOR is it one major overarching story with various sub-plots. It's FOUR overarching major stories, well-conceived in theory (mostly), but thrown together as gracelessly and incoherently, with the same abundance of panic and lack of transitions as the night-before-it's-due school essays we're all so painfully familiar with perpetrating. (Admittedly, a lot of us got pretty good at being zero-hour coherent by the time we got to high school, but apparently, this skill does not translate to timetravel via stellar slingshots and demigod trolls.) So that leaves us with -

Picard Season 2: A Trek in Four Acts Loosely Disjointed and Sloppily Squished Together Parts. Feast your eyes, rub your temples, and buckle up.

CRIS AND THERESA'S WILD RIDE: (Love story, social commentary, classic Trek shiz focused on the more touching/emotional side of temporal shenanigans.)

RENEE PICARD'S TIME HEIST AND EVEN WILDER RIDE: (Classic Trek shiz, classic time travel fuckery, focuses on the more action-packed side of temporal shenanigans.)

THE RED HERRING, AKA THE ROCKY HORROR PICARD SHOW:

Supposedly the main plot, but really a completely ridiculous distraction that's the narrative equivalent of dumping sand in the snowglobe and violently shaking it up. Captain Picard takes a wrong turn at Albuquerque and has to go do the Timewarp (again) in some creepy old castle so he can be magically transported back home. Yeah, okay buddy, just don't forget the teddy and the TP rolls to throw around the theater.

Cut this entire arc out, and the season improves substantially in both enjoyability and coherence. (I said what I said.) If any of the four major threads don't belong, don't move the story forward, and only serve to muck things up - it's this one. It's not so much an arc as a collapsible squiggly line that looks like it might go somewhere but never does. Great if you're drunk with a shadow cast and some floorwalkers. Not so great if you're actually trying to figure out WTF is going on.

TAPESTRY RIDES AGAIN, AKA GRAND THEFT BORG QUEEN LOS ANGELES: And now for the main event, which was literally announced as such in one of the episodes, by two people breaking the fourth wall who were probably the LAST people anyone was expecting to break the fourth wall: Seven and Raffi. So naturally, we viewers took it as a couple of throwaway comments and cute banter to lighten the dark/intense mood of all the other crap. Yeah, oops. We can't say they didn't warn us.

At one point the two of them are joking around, talking about how they're the main event, and all these other side stories are just side stories, but...yeah. Looking back after S3, that was not a joke, and it goes above and beyond the call of foreshadowing. It was a flat-out tell, and with ALL the potential fourth wallbreakers in S2 - Q, the Borg Queen, The Traveller, the Long-Lived Alien Bartender With Multiple Mysterious Powers, The Temporally Flexible Romulan Spy Of Dubious Origin - if somebody's gonna spill some futuristic tea, it's gotta be one of them, right? RIGHT? Nope. Seven and Raffi snuck in the back door.

Basically, the Grand Theft Borg Queen arc was Tapestry, but for Seven (and Raffi and Jurati to an extent). Jurati and Raffi were, IMHO, initially intended to be pieces on the gameboard, not players, but they made themselves into major players. To what extent Jurati's involvement in outsmarting the Borg Queen was meant to be a challenge for her by Q, or part of Seven's trial that Jurati unwittingly assisted in IDK, and ditto Raffi's major role in all the aforementioned drama, but either way - Seven finally accepting herself the way she is, Borg hardware and all, was a direct, not even subtle parallel to the TNG episode Tapestry.

The most direct link is the scene in Tapestry where Picard realizes he'd rather die as his true self than live as his other-universe self who "corrected" the "mistake" that led to his artifical heart. Seven accepted that she would rather live as her Ex-B true self than die as a fully organic human, and in doing so, passed the test.

And Jurati and Raffi played no small part in that realization, and passed their own tests in the process - with Raffi embracing Seven (literally and figuratively) while resisting the urge to manipulate Cris out of choosing his own fate, and Jurati outsmarting and merging herself with the damn Borg Queen to protect humanity and her friends. Seven passed the Q Troll test with flying colors, and Raffi and Jurati did too - giving us Elnor and a benevolent Borg Queen in the future as a result. (Q is totally one of those teachers who gives his students rewards for passing the Big Test.)

Fire up S2 of Picard, get your Fast Forward button ready, and follow the Grand Theft Borg Queen: Los Angeles arc and ONLY that arc. Skip over every single thing (other than Q monologing, as that's the one common thread) that doesn't have Seven, Raffi, and/or Jurati. You'll get an entirely different experience. It's Tapestry, but for Seven, and with different tests/opportunities for Jurati and Raffi. (And they all pass).

Now do it again, but FF anything that ISN'T either part of the Renee Picard Time Heist plotline or part of Cris and Theresa's story. You'll get a classic Back to the Future, MCU, Reset the Timeline, Poke-An-Alternate-Reality's-Doom-Destination-With-A-Stick style story. And they all pass too. Cris and Theresa get their happily ever after and punt the primeline forward through the next generation of temporally paradoxical, adopted and found family members.

As for the BS at Chateau Picard? It's all a decoy/charade. So come in costume, bring plenty of shit to throw, and chug the wine. You'll need it.

#Star trek picard #Star trek fan theories #Seven of nine #star trek q #raffi musiker #agnes jurati #cristobal rios #The Borg Queen #Borg fuckery #jean luc picard #star trek tng #Star trek tng episode Tapestry #text post ahoy

11 notes · View notes

ponnfarrtrek · 1 year ago

Text

Top 5 overrated Trek "classics"

Measure of a Man - TNG - it's actually fairly horrific that Starfleet is allowing a trial to decide if one of their employees should be chopped up into little pieces, and nobody seems to understand that Starfleet effectively decided he was a person when they employed him.

Duet - DS9 - the great performances tend to obscure the fact that the Cardassian guy's overall plan is unnecessarily complicated, self-centred and presumptuous. Also: concentration camp clerks are not innocent bystanders.

Scorpion - Voyager - the idea of an alliance with the Borg is implausibly absurd even for Janeway, and the way they treat Seven of Nine's kidnapping by Voyager as a mere afterthought is fairly ridiculous in retrospect. Chakotay continues to be 100% correct and ignored for no good reason.

Shuttlepod One - Enterprise - two drunk assholes chatting shit for an hour.

Tapestry - TNG - Picard would rather die than not be able to boss other people around and we're supposed to respect this choice. We're told that getting stabbed for nothing makes people more ambitious. Fifty year old Patrick Stewart has a sex scene with a teenager. Hmm.

Honorable mention:

City on the Edge of Forever - TOS - Massively undermined by having Joan Collins play a woman who is supposedly going to change the future by lecturing homeless people on the inevitability of space travel. Can't buy her as someone that any reasonable person would listen to.

#star trek #tng #ds9 #voyager #enterprise

16 notes · View notes

star-trek-fandom-confessions · 1 year ago

Text

#250

"At the risk of being accused of being a racist white man or female misogynist, I fail to understand how the existence of La'an Noonien-Singh on the Enterprise fits into the rest of Trek canon or is even necessary. SNW's expansion on Uhura, Chapel, and Number One's characters I can understand since Uhura is the main girl of TOS and Una and Christine are TOS characters too. Even Erica being Sulu's predecessor doesn't really mess with TOS canon too much. Same with Pelia being Scotty's, or even the expansion of T'Pring's character since she is the fiance of a main TOS character Spock.

Like, don't get me wrong, she's not the first Trek character to have a "famous" relative, but if being Khan's descendant and called "augment" is so bad, why didn't she or her parents change their last name? To me, that is the biggest facepalm moment since Magnus and Erin Hansen deciding to bring little Annika on their Borg studies mission. Heck, I'd argue that Una's augment prejudice storyline is better-written and less ham-fisted since her being Illyrian doesn't fuck TOS canon too much, plus her super strength and perfect immune system make her a bigger "threat" to Starfleet than La'an's last name and ability to be a better drunk than everyone else. I also feel like La'an's character hinges on her last name and retconning of the Gorn. Idk how to explain it, but what else is there to fall back on compared to other characters? Even the crush on Kirk is strange because she retroactively never existed during the events of "Space Seed" and The Wrath of Khan, and Kirk never mentions her during those events. One could argue how TOS Chapel is a "passive" or "shallow" character compared to La'an, but TOS Chapel's personality can still be explained by her grief and regret over past relationships with Spock and Roger Korby.

Like don't get it wrong, this rant isn't a hate-boner on La'an herself, I'm just very critical of her character's existence and how it will fit into the future of SNW and TOS' canon events. Does she die of Gorn parasite eggs laid inside her? Is her super-duper special Khan DNA the reason TOS era Gorns look more human? Do she and Dr. Marcus become friends, or love rivals over Kirk? (I personally hope it's the former because I hate prolonged love triangles and toxic Kirk/La'an shippers.) If she even dies in SNW, is it to contrast with Khan being awoken from cryosleep in some kind of narrative irony? Or does Temporal Investigations mess up and screw her out of existence? I don't think I would say her character is boring but my God, does it's existence confuse me sometimes."

#confession 250 #two parts confession #star trek #star-trek-fandom-confessions #strange new worlds #la'an noonien singh

19 notes · View notes

thegeminisage · 11 months ago

Text

star trek FIRST CONTACT!!! breakdown aka me attempting to transcribe the poorly typed notes in my phone to a tumblr post which will last longer. overall this movie was absolutely charming and a 10/10 experience, though i would have liked it even better if i liked picard and cared about his borg trauma, and i'm sad that i don't. luckily, i expect at least some of that type of thing will be given to me with more dykehood involved in the form of seven of nine, coming soon to a voyager near me. ANYWAY.

first thrill of this move was when data got to say a bad word, which to be fair he also did in the previous tng movies. so already i was thinking, some rights for tng movies

cheered aloud when worf showed up in the defiant. was absolutely thrilled to recognize the defiant mid-combat before they TOLD us "oh hey that's the defiant." ds9 ref! it is kinda funny that no one on ds9 goes "so hey where were you over the weekend?" and he responds "oh just time traveling to save earth from a borg attack nbd!" like i know it's because of the syndication or whatever, but ds9 is perfect for that type of humor, AND it's nuts that such a huge thing happened and nobody in ds9 likel. cares. sure they got problems but imagine the potential! did he ask for permission to take the ship or did he just steal it to go defend his former captain and riker e deanna situationship? was sisko mad that it got banged up? is he gonna ground worf next weekend? i need to Know.

another fun moment was when i noticed borged up florida first, because my eyes usually hit florida first when i view any sort of country or global map where florida is visible. don't worry about it. anyway, i didn't realize what had happened i thought perhaps future utopian florida was supposed to have all those lines coming out of it and paused to see it better. wrong. the borg did that.

dismayed to see zefram cochrane again after what he did to that poor woman in "metamorphosis." i kept trying to tell myself that maybe this was before he became such a creep and then he was all creepy with deanna. he had some charming moments outside of that though

EMH CAMEO MY BELOVED i was so fucking happy to see him. this iteration got eaten by the borg but STILL i loved that familiar face

i did not like picard's little vest it looks bad and it getting snuck into ds9 makes me mad. also, he needs to STOP interrupting data. him killing that guy begging for help was very fun though. that is his idea of help <3 one of those moments where i was absolutely lamenting the fact that i don't like him. praying seven gets to do anything even half that gnarly 🙏

i decided that this movie was the most fun i've ever had watching tng during the drunk deanna scene. firstly, riker was so ready to have a threesome with her and cochrane. secondly, she is so funny, they should let her do funny stuff more often

speaking of riker, he was very handsome in this movie. idk what he did to his hair but it was extra fluffy. i couldn't stop staring at it

data jacking off the borg

borg queen HOT! no body. just a head. extremely fun. she is the same lady as the oa's mom though which also fills me with rage AND she played that crazy bitch from silent hill who got fucked to death with barbed wire. luckily, she looked so different here most of the connotations were able to be muted in my mind palace

picard navigating the borg in the hallway with lily was also unfortunately very very good. "i know what i'm doing" wow yeah he sure does <3

i loved lily too although i wish she had more to do. her scene near the end comparing picard to captain ahab was so insanely fucking good but she spent most of this movie running away from stuff or screaming at people. she did get to swear though <3

holodeck bad especially the dixon hill mention but it was nice to see neelix's actor - another fun cameo. the machine gun reminded me of the pest control clip

deeply distraught to see barclay but at least it was brief. he was actually much better in voyager

LOVED the spacewalk. i keep forgetting how big the starships really are and the scale was amazing, the outer space scenes were tense. spacing the borg, who can't die, and won't die of atmospheric or oxygen or temperature needs, is a fate worse than death. they just have to float through space as a borg until they...starve? hit a planet and burn up in the atmosphere? anyway, mwah. it was so scary

i think data may have fucked the borg queen. good for him? or sorry that happened. also, human data was so horrifying. my poor little guy. PLEASE treat him really niceys

worf tying off the hole in his suit was badass tbh. ASSIMILATE THIS people need to stop calling him a pussy, especially picard. he is so cool

LOVED the entire launch of cochrane's rocket. the music, the seatbelts - i realize now that star trek beyond was a deliberate callback to this moment. one thing about the aos films is that the more trek you watch the more you will come to understand them

i do love that picard went back for data <3 like...i don't agree with picard/data shippers but at least now i get it

data's "resistance is futile" was said with all the cunt of quinto's "live long and prosper" good for HIMMM

"is that earth? it's so small" "it's about to get a whole lot bigger" prompted in me a genuine human emotion which did perhaps cause me to well up

AND THEN THE VULCANS. i know that's spock's ancestor and i love that he was immediately dtf in this handshake moment. mwah. it was also charming that cochrane at the end was trying unsuccessfully to teach him to dance. i fucking love vulcans

anyway, absolutely charming experience. from my understanding this is the best of the tng movies so i will assume tng has peaked for me here but wow, what a moment <3

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb

7 notes · View notes

guplia · 1 year ago

Text

My latest Ninjago multi-chapter fic!

Rise of the Titanium Ninja

Description:

A different scenario that could've happened. Takes place after season 3.

When Zane sacrificed himself, Cyrus Borg was absolutely amazed by his strength and bravery. That's why he created a bunch of Nindroids in his honour, that replicate him entirely. They're here to serve the community in a variety of aspects and to make Ninjago City a much safer place! P.I.X.A.L seemed to have liked this idea, but she disappeared the night Borg came up with it and nobody knows where she is. Not to worry though, because Lloyd's on the case! (He doesn't even know where to begin.)

But one of these Nindroids is certain he's the real Zane. His programming is clearly different from the others. So where are his powers gone? How can he prove to the others that he's the real Zane? Where even are they? And where is P.I.X.A.L?

***

This can be read as romantic or platonic pixane, whatever you think it is! There might be violence and a bit of swearing, but nothing nsfw! And if there is anything I think should be marked with a trigger warning, I'll write it at the start of each chapter! So far only 1 chapter has been posted, the only warning in that is a brief mention of alcohol (nobody gets drunk or anything, it's just a paragraph on why Kai doesn't drink.)

#ninjago #lego ninjago fanfiction #ninjago fanfiction #lego ninjago #zane ninjago #pixal ninjago #pixal borg #zane julien #pixane

11 notes · View notes

section-69 · 2 years ago

Text

Okay Destination Trek notes! First here's what I really liked:

- Everything was SAG compliant and there was so much important strike talk. Obvs this made some questions impossible to answer, and it was slightly hard to predict what would be wrong to say just since different actors had different comfort levels (big range from "I support my comrades but I'm not gonna pretend I'm not in Star Trek" from David Ajala to J G Hertzler encouraging us to threaten media executives with [COPYRIGHTED SPACE WEAPON] to Terry Farrell not wanting to mention working on TV or film at all), but honestly it just made the whole thing really friendly

- on that note, multiple guests said it was the best convention they'd been to in years. I don't have a lot of personal experience with them, but I was talking to a lot of older fans and many of them said this felt a lot like the early days of conventions which were also set in hotels

- being in a hotel made it a) more accessible (and there were So Many fellow disabled Trekkies to prove it!!), b) easier to hang out between activities, and c) just super personable. The guests could hang out in the bar with the fans, there were lots of comfy seats everywhere, and it was very easy to step away if something wasn't your speed.

- not being in London helps the vibes too

- not being Paramount affiliated made the tickets a bit cheaper (much appreciated)

- most of the activities were teamwork focussed. Initially I was a little freaked by that but actually it gave the whole thing a friendly social club vibe

- science talks! Community talks! Asking the actors questions about their lives and work outside of what they're most famous for! Stories we haven't all heard a thousand times!

- I'll make another post about the specifics of accessibility and why I liked this infinitely more than the official ones in London aircraft hangars, but I just really have to stress how important I found that here

- being fan organised and fan led, the focus was on us and how much we love this shit. I didn't find the old format Bad in this respect, but this really did hit different

- J G Hertzler is seriously the coolest person I've met. He stole my craft group's batleth and we couldn't be happier about it.

- So Many Cool Cosplays!!! Shout out especially to the drag queens, the older man cosplaying Admiral Janeway, the Voyage Home Spock and inflatable whale, the power chair decked out to look like a shuttle, all the babies in uniform, the tribble queen in her tribble pelt dress, all the Klingons who didn't artificially darken their skin, the furry doctor from lower decks, all of the Borg, the Klingon pug with a plush batleth, and so so many others I'm forgetting ❤️🖖❤️

Notes for Future Cons

- If you don't already have access to it because of an expensive ticket, I wouldn't bother paying for the opening ceremony. It's not actually at the start of the event and also it's literally just the actors coming on stage, saying hi, then rushing back to the autograph tables. Do go to the closing ceremony though! There's way more of a point to those

- If you're not a huge extrovert, already drunk, or completely happy in awkward situations, I wouldn't recommend being the first in the door at the parties. Give it an hour or so - they sounded very lively later on, but when I tried to go in earlier the primary school disco vibes were off the charts. Plus the music's too loud to actually talk to anyone, and no one's dancing yet. I did see one guy run past with a portable charger for his friend in a wheelchair that lost power on the dance floor though, so clearly they got cooler later on lol. Addendum here that I'm an autistic non drinker so that might colour things.

- to the white folks darkening their skin for generic Klingon cosplays, reconsider that one next year

- to the white guy wearing brown face paint to cosplay Worf specifically, what the fuck, man??

- to the person who boo'd the mention of Julian/Garak at the LGBTQ+ panel, fight me but also maybe skip whatever the equivalent is next year cause Andy Robinson's booked to come

- host mocked Scottish accents a couple times :(

- here's hoping the unions will have their demands met and we'll be able to talk about Star Trek publicly with actors who can access healthcare and pay their rent. But if not, at least we know the con will still be fun.

- maybe see you in Blackpool next July 💙

#star trek #I've probably forgotten something glaring. I'm incredibly sleepy and had to spend much of the con lying down #but again. hotel setting means I actually Can lie down and be comfortable and return without spending ages walking

36 notes · View notes