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residenthughes · 8 months ago

Text

coming home - connor dewar

pairing: connor dewar x fem! reader

word count: 11k

tags/warning: friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst?, mentions of alcohol/drinking, minor swearing

summary: your entire life has entailed having connor by your side, no matter where the universe carves your paths. back home for the summer leading up to your final year of university, there's much to ponder - even your own feelings about your best friend.

notes: this is genuinely a labour of love, the longest fic i've written in a long time 😭 i wanted this to be short and sweet, but it's long and sweet and i don't know how to feel about that lmao. but (!!!) i am really proud/happy about how this has come together and i hope you all enjoy this fic just as much as i loved writing it 😇 this is mostly proofread, but it is 5 in the morning, so I'll return to this soon! (apologizes for any errors towards the end!) more dewey content shall be coming soon, hehe! much love! <333

(also! this is very much in celebration of dewey's first goal as a leaf, teehee! 😁💗⭐️)

Summer’s always your favourite time of the year. Tan lines, midnight drives, fireworks, the beach. So much sweetness is in the breezy summer air and you simply can’t get enough. You wouldn’t admit it, but your favourite part of the season is when one of your closest friends, Connor, comes up from his gruelling hockey season and returns to the slow and laid-back lifestyle of your small town. Having grown up next door neighbours the majority of your lives, you quickly became two peas in a pod, always together with laughter following closeby.

Your friendship is something you’ve always treasured, held in some reclusive and special part of your heart that only houses your fated connection. No matter how mundane your time together may be - Connor strumming his acoustic guitar and you reading as the citrus sunset dips into the horizon - it's all so memorable to you and nothing, as you’ve come to experience, can ever replace his place in your life. However, life is a constant cycle of change and that first dose came when you two were fourteen, too awkward for your own good and growing out of your bodies. Connor was selected to play in a high-level hockey league hours away from your hometown and as your fingertips buried themselves into his tear-soaked t-shirt, you swore nothing could compare to this pain. The absolute tear of your beating heart out of your raw chest that ached with every gasp. You were a mess, undeterred by your futile attempt to appear as nonchalant at your silly age, but the second Connor stood on your porch, luggage in hand and the sadest tinge in his sage eyes, you fell apart.

Despite the sheer anguish you experienced that crisp autumn day, you adjusted. Stayed in contact with your best friend and continued to build up your life in his absence. Completed all your teenage rites of passage - took some extracurriculars, went to prom (you wanted to ask Connor, but ultimately decided against it), graduated high school and started attending university in Calgary - nine hours away from home. So many things changed and some still stayed the same. Connor was still as hockey obsessed and through his diligent efforts, he’s achieved his dreams of playing in the NHL night after night. You were there for draft day and there for his first game, university be damned. As was Connor, in the stands during your high school graduation and any time you needed him, whether that was him sitting on the phone with you until four in the morning or meeting up with you halfway across two countries because he felt like it. There was always something so spectacular about you two, your stories detailed by destiny and hung amongst the stars. A divine creation that despite the odds, of paths that have taken you two elsewhere, always merged because that is simply how it’s meant to be.

And, so it is, your last summer before your final year and here you are, fingertips tapping against the wooden bar as your leg jerks in anticipation of a figure that will come through your hometown bar, Punch & Judy’s doors any minute now.

Your best friend, Charlotte, manages to interweave your antsy fingers in between hers, a nurturing smile across her smooth face. “He’ll get here, don’t worry.”

Your eyebrows quirk, your legs stopping all motion. “Who said anything about worrying?”

She rolls her eyes, unamused. “You know what I mean,”

Then, she goes on to untangle your fingers, leaning her crossed arms against the bar occupied by the usual mellow group of regulars, including your own bunch of friends. “Besides, you know him. Knowing you’re here, he’s tryna get here quicker than a New York minute.”

A funny feeling flips in the pits of your stomach, an immediate flush coating the apples of your cheeks as you clumsily grab at your cider bottle. Connor always poked fun at your inability to enjoy a cold one, resorting to fruity flavours of cider. “He’s a law-abiding citizen, he’ll wait for the greenlight even if it kills him.”

“If you say so,” Charlotte casts you a glance out of the corner of her eye, smugness tugging at the corners of her lips as she takes another swig of her beer. The bell signifying the main door opening sounds in the background. “Oh, look. Speak of the devil and he shall appear! Hey there, stranger!”

Suddenly, your attention is elsewhere, eyes pinned to the tall silhouette that struts through the doorway of the LED ridden bar, kind eyes and a kinder smile with his tousled hickory hair and hushed voice finding its way to your eardrums again after so long. It’s like coming home again, watching from afar as close friends fall into endless hugs, your reunion saved for last as you beam a closed mouthed smile, reproduced by your best friend who opens his arms for a hug that solely belongs to you. You fall into him instinctively, inhaling his soft woody scent as you bury yourself in his embrace, the pendulum of your life coming to a pause as your universe centres.

“Get a room, you two!” Connor’s brother, Quinn taunts from over your shoulder, eliciting an exaggerated sigh from you as you’re reluctantly reminded of the lame chirps he seems to be full of whenever you and Connor are together.

You ignore him, savouring the moment for what its momentarily worth before Connor’s pulling away, arms loosely wrapped around the circumference of your waist as he peers down at you with those same green eyes you’ve known your entire life.

“Hi.” you breathe, short and sweet.

He simpers, something coy in the lines of his smile as he replies back, “hi.”

It’s a simple greeting, but there’s so much more in those few syllables - the endless gravity of your shared experiences and fondest memories making their way back to each other. Your eyes linger for a minute longer, taking in each other’s presence that’s long been missed due to your busy schedules leading up to your summer break. You part ways and despite how fulfilled you are to have him here and see him after some time, there’s a small knack that nags at you - hollow and wanting as you venture to a booth nearby, squishing up in between Charlotte and another one of your guy friends, Owen Power, who like Connor has been busting his ass in the NHL and friends with you all for longer than you can remember. You all chatter amongst yourselves with Connor’s brother sitting across from you, a discussion brewing as Connor returns shortly after getting a drink at the bar, sliding beside his brother with a beer in hand.

“Come on, Connie. Help me out here, these guys have lost the plot.” His brother argues, an eye roll your response.

Connor looks between your group, a knit in his eyebrows. “What’s the deal?”

“They’re tryna say, get this - that dolphins are more dangerous than damn orcas. Can you believe that?” Quinn attests, expression pinched as he ruffles the curls of his bleached hair sticking out his snapback.

“Hey! We’re well within reason to be arguing with you. You on the other hand? I don’t think so.” Charlotte proclaims, an accusatory finger directed towards Quinn.

“Yeah, not gonna lie, Quinn. You’re severely underestimating how evil dolphins are,” concludes Owen, his hand raised as he pushes up his glasses on the bridge of his sunkissed nose.

Quinn guffaws, jaw slack as his eyes flicker between everyone’s faces in quick succession, clearly in disbelief. “Are you hearing this right now?”

“Look, Q - we’ve been over this,” you start, hands extending as if to make sense of your proposed point. “You’ve been fed dolphin propaganda. We’ve literally shown you so many resources about their heinous crimes. Take it or leave it.”

Quinn groans, elbowing his older brother who wordlessly listens to the ongoing conversation. “Bro! A little help would be nice.”

A brief pause follows his younger brother’s melodrama, Connor weighing out the arguments of a conversation he hadn’t been here for, his eyes flickering over towards yours fleetingly. An unexplained shiver runs down your spine, the action camouflaged poorly as you appear to distract yourself from the sensation, fingernails scratching against the lines of your neck as you look up at the ceiling.

“Hello?!” hollers Quinn.

You swear he loves to hear himself talk.

“They’re right,” Connor concludes, eyes set on you as he speaks before he takes a swig of his beer, focusing back onto his brother. “Personally, I think you’ve been taking one too many trips to Sea World.”

“The promised land of dolphin propaganda.” mentions Charlotte.

“This is ridiculous!” Quinn exclaims, sending a heavy elbow into his older brother’s arm, all of which barely gains any sort of response from him. “What happened to honour amongst bros, huh? They don’t have that in Minnesota or what?”

Connor scoffs lightly, his smile reading amused as his head turns towards his brother. “That doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything you say.”

Quinn mumbles something under his breath, clearly displeased. “I forget you’re my harshest critic.”

Their double act entices the crowd, your circle of friends laughing amongst yourselves as Quinn folds his shoulders with his usual theatrics. No one buys into it, much less Connor who drapes his arm loosely around his brother’s squared shoulders, leaning in with a tickled pink smile that reflects within your own expression.

“You’re just mad I won’t kiss your ass.”

That earns him a shove off Quinn’s shoulders, sending him into a fit of laughter. Everyone chortles along, basking in the merriment of the moment before you’re delving into other non-controversial topics, indulging everyone in the bits and pieces of your lives they’ve missed and just like that, you're four drinks in and so sentimental it hurts. Owen suggests a walk around the town centre, a tradition you cannot help but all agree to as you all shimmy out of your respective booth, bidding Judy at the bar farewell as you file out of the establishment.

The cobalt sky dazzles with stars you’ve forgotten shine so bright here, the midday heat nowhere in sight as a cool breeze pushes you forwards. You linger behind Quinn as he impulsively hops onto Owen’s back, who stumbles at the sudden weight whilst Charlotte laughs at the unfolding scene. Nostalgia warms your heart at the sight, eyes half-closed and posture relaxing as the warm summer night holds you close and kisses your worries goodbye.

An arm drapes over your shoulders, your slow strides matching up with Connor’s as he looks to you, smile small and earnest as he playfully challenges, “Since when did you know about dolphin propaganda?”

You gasp, humour shaping your lips. “Well, you’ve been in my ear most of my life yapping about it, so…”

“Hey, I’m just saying - was I wrong?” the smirk on his face attests to his unwavering confidence and as you catch a whiff of his woody cologne, you roll your eyes in defeat, smile still on your lips.

“Considering you wore a shark tooth to school, I didn’t think so.”

You have to bite back the wide smile that fights to spread across your face, a few snickers here and there escaping before the loose ring around your shoulders closes in, Connor smushing your face inwards against the strength of his bicep. You can’t help but laugh throughout, swatting away his pesky grip that lasts no longer than a few seconds before all you hear is the echoes of your winded chuckles. In an effort to stabilise yourself from the momentary loss of oxygen, your hand seeks Connor’s, holding onto his larger and warmer as your feet hit the pavement in unison.

“Feels good to be back, doesn’t it?”

You let your head fall to Connor’s shoulder, arm wrapping around his lower back as your steps sync with such ease. A lightness in your limbs and how perceptive you can be to the sounds of downtown - car horns, hushed chatter and the like - let you know there’s nowhere you’d rather be right now than here. Back at home, with your best friends and your partner in crime who you answer in the form of a hum.

Your first few days back in the Pas are slow and uneventful, most of your time spent decompressing from the taxing semester and unpacking your items, all of which you didn’t know just how much you possessed. In an effort to make the most of the sunshine and get out the house for reasons other than your part time job at the local diner, you sign up for community gardening activities and ask the groupchat if anyone wants to come along. Everyone appears to have plans, except for Connor, who in the early hours of the next morning, picks you up from your childhood home and drives into town where for the next few hours, you’re knee deep in dirt under the blaring sun as you plant various kinds of greenery to spotlight the natural beauty of your rustic town.

What is certain, when early afternoon pours in, painting the sky in shades of honey and tangerine, you’re exhausted beyond belief. You have no idea how Connor makes the drive home, yet he does and when you two collapse into the hammock in your family’s backyard, your lips are slack and echoing more yawns than you can contain.

“That was great and all, but that’s knocked me out,” Connor groans, limp body shuffling in the confinements of the cotton hammock hanging off one of the trees in your backyard. The same tree which holds the treehouse you and Connor partially lived in throughout your youth. “That was more tiring than hockey practice.”

You’re tired and easily distracted, your head perched up in a way that puts the treehouse in your direct eye-line. “Remember when we’d watch movies in that treehouse?”

A brief pause follows, occupied by the tranquil chirps and running water from the nearby bird bath. “Yeah, I’d always wanna watch Jaws but you wanted to watch Disney movies.”

You give him a laugh, shuffling yourself in order to get comfortable in the small space. Why did you two think this would work like it did ten years ago? The thought occurs to you, but you brush it off to save yourself additional mental load, making the adjustments to cater to some form of comfortability in the tiny space. Even if that means sacrificing your shared personal space as your body overlaps onto Connor’s strong and firm one.

“Says the guy who knows the all the songs in Lemonande Mouth,” you counter, “And, Let it Shine.”

Without missing a beat, in his sleepy voice, Connor replies with, “kissy kissy, Roxanne, did you miss me?”

Groaning despite the snickers slipping past your lips, you bury your head into Connor’s chest, refusing to hear the rest of his ramblings. “My girl is hotter than your girl, you know it! You know it.”

To get your point across, you unbury your head, wide eyes peering up at your best friend who’s so amused by this all, hair messy and smile stretching from ear to ear. A bright sight. “Can you not?”

“You’re just hating 'cause I sing better than you.” He follows that by sticking his tongue out at you, so mature for his age that you grant him the response of a heavy sigh and an averted gaze, settling back into the peace and serenity of your backyard.

However, the silence doesn’t last long before you’re speaking again.

“Your hair’s getting long,” you observe, fingertips dancing along Connor’s nape as you absently fiddle with the long strands of his hair, silky between your fingers. “You should let me cut it.”

“Name a time and place, and I’ll be there,” he mumbles sleepily against the crown of your head, soothing you further towards a serene sleep. “Unless you fuck it up. Then, I won’t forgive you.”

You give him the satisfaction of a laugh tucked away in your chest, the ghost of a smile dissipating as the aches of a hard work’s start to plunge their teeth into your flesh and bones, body like cement as you sink further into the comfort of the hammock, into the comfort of your calm summer afternoon.

“One of my friends from my team’s supposed to be coming up for a night or two,” Connor croaks, voice hoarse and the gentle breeze of the summer’s day pecking your skin in an act of love. “Think…you’ll all get along with him quite well.”

His point is punctuated by a tired yawn that proves to be contagious as you mirror the action moments after, eyes unbearably heavy as time moves slow like molasses, body further sinking against Connor’s. You don’t even stop yourself from falling asleep, only blinking away the exhausted sting in your eyes to answer your best friend.

“Can’t wait,” you mumble, adjusting your body against Connor as your limbs slot together like puzzle pieces, matched at every curve as slumber envelopes you two in a kind embrace. “It’ll be good - the visit…and the rest of summer.”

Your words trail in a drowsy daze, tone doused in sleepiness as your eyes can no longer keep themselves open, glimpses of hickory branches and pear leaves wishing you peace and serenity as you finally fall asleep.

Your shift at the local diner passes without as much traffic as expected, local patrons ordering their usual with a few tourists dropping by to try the culinary experience of your average but nostalgic diner food. Due to how quiet the establishment is - Mabel, your boss and long-time owner of the diner - lets you off early and with a hug, you scurry back to your family house to get ready for the night's events. After dozing off with Connor in the hammock out back, your mother softly awoke to you with a holler she’s used since the dawn of time.

“Up and at ‘em, kids. Dinner’s ready!” in the distance of your dreams, you hear your mother yell.

With drowsy film still coating your eyes, you and Connor manage to dislodge your limbs from one another, sleepy smiles and croaky chuckles exchanged as you amble inside your house and Connor stays for a filling homemade meal that everyone at the dining table fawns over. Connor hangs back as you venture into the kitchen to wash up, a tradition you two have forged, him washing the dishes and you drying them. Not much dialogue takes place between the two of you and there is no need. For all the instances where you believed the need for conversation, you appreciate this silence so much more - how there’s no urge to talk for the sake of talking and how much comfort there is with simply just being with Connor. After you’ve done the washing up and Connor’s hugged your mother goodbye, fist bumping your father hilariously enough, he’s climbing into his car and wishing you well.

“You sure you don’t need me to pick you up from Mabel’s?” coaxes Connor, the wiggle of his eyebrows offsetting the echoes of titters that leave your lips.

“I’m good, thanks. Need to shower and get ready, anyways,” a gentle gust of wind blows, fallen leaves scraping against the cement of your driveway. “We all know how long that takes.”

“I don’t mind waiting.” Connor simpers, says like it’s the easiest thing in the world and like it doesn’t demand for the city of butterflies within you to soar beyond their ability.

You flash a strained smile, giving the top of Connor’s car a pat as your posture straightens and you step away from the vehicle. “Goodbye, Connor.”

“See you soon.” and just like that, he’s gone with the wind, taking a little piece of you with him.

It’s when you’re strolling your way back inside the house, halfway up the stairs to your bedroom that your mom gives you a gentle call, beckoning you back down the stairs to find her in the dimly lit living room, mahogany reading glasses hanging low on the bridge of her nose whilst the quiet snores of your father and his baseball game fill in the background noise.

She folds her newspaper, crinkles running up your spine as she addresses you. “So good to have Connie over, makes me miss him more when he’s away.”

Connor is like a son to her, the better part of your childhood glued at the hip whilst your parents cooed and awed at your loyalty to one another. He helps around the house with no complaint nor expectation of compensation, buys her favourite flowers every Mother’s day with an additional heartfelt gift come her birthday. He listens, he jokes and he cares. What more could she ask for?

“Can’t imagine how much more you miss him whilst you’re away.” she comments, throwing her denim clad leg over the other, directing all her attention to you, swaying between two feet with your hands behind your back, sceptical.

“Well, we try to meet up when we can, so it’s not too bad,” your hand goes to scratch the back of your neck, chin jutted as your head leans to the side. “…Is that why you called me down?”

Awkwardness rarely rears its head in your household built upon openness and unconditional love, which is why the unspoken truth your mother struggles to vocalise raises a red flag, your skin prickling as you fiddle with your hands behind your back.

She’s looking at you now, a maternal love in her eyes as she speaks up. “Maybe, I can’t really put my finger on it, really. I did, however, want to say that I hope you guys keep each other in your lives, however that may pan out in the future. There’s a special happiness in your eyes I want you two to be selfish with.”

It’s a small thing, she says. A snowflake amongst the pile of snow in the realms of your mind, but as you lay in bed later on that late afternoon, staring at the gold stars Connor helped hang up in your room, your mind wanders places it never conceptualised. Inserts Connor in places in your life where he hadn’t been previously - opposite you illuminated by a candle-lit dinner, dancing in a kitchen as you prepare breakfast and kiss each other in between, above your bare body as he holds you in the palm of his hand like you are the most precious thing the universe has gifted him. It’s a point in time that despite busying yourself with dipping your toes back into your hobbies - heck, even walking your next door neighbour’s golden retriever to clear your head - it never quite leaves you, awakening something deep and dormant in you that never goes away.

Snapping out of your syrupy daze, you adorn yourself in your finest line dance clothing, slipping on your gingerbread cowboy boots before you’re tying bows in the pigtails of your hair. Your mother yells down the stairs for you and you leave in a flash, kissing her goodbye as she drops you off at Punch and Judy’s, your jewellery clinking together as you walk through the main entrance.

Much like your first night back, the bar is illuminated in dim light and sharp LED lights of varying colours. Cowboy hats dominate the sea of customers, the building crowd of the bar dressed in shades of denim and tired leather cowboy boots. Knowing the others have already arrived, saving a spot at a nearby booth, you decide to make your way to the bar first, ordering your signature berries-flavoured cider, to which Punch (co-owner) makes quick work of, the cold beverage in your hands before you can blink.

“Beer not to your liking, sugar?” A smoky, mellow voice grabs your attention.

You spare a glance at the source of the gravel voice, eyes long lingering as they capture the image of a face that stirs a flip in the pits of your stomach. The man stood beside you braces his muscular arms against the hickory brown of the wooden bar, his sleepy chocolate eyes trained on yours as he takes a swig of his tequila flavoured Desperado beer. Locks of umber messily cascade along his face, unless tucked away in his vintage black cowboy hat that ties together the rugged cowboy look he presents with the sweet addition of his light stubble. To make things worse, he’s stupidly fit, his black t-shirt clinging to the curves of his muscles like second skin. If it were up to you, you’d-

“Like what you see?”

The smug comment snaps you out of your hazy olge, a pout forming upon your lips with an accompanying knit in your eyebrows. You make a point to angrily grab at your pint glass, ingesting a big gulp of the sugary alcohol whilst the rugged cowboy laughs to himself.

Even his laugh is attractive. Sick bastard.

“Coming from a man drinking a Desperado? Funny,” you have to laugh at whatever lame attempt of making conversation this man is pulling, Punch masking his misplaced laughter behind a cough as he polishes a pint glass. “How flirtatious you are.”

You admit, your latter remark is more bark than bite, a quick chirp that refuses to feed his ego yet grab his interest all at the same time. The ruse proves to work in your favour as the sexy cowboy gives another one of his huffed laughs, his body turned towards yours.

“Give me a chance, sugar. Just tryna start the night off right,” he counters, so brazenly confident in himself that you don’t know whether to laugh or shy away from his prying eyes. “Tequila beer and beautiful company - sounds about perfect to me.”

You react in a juxtaposition, eyes rolling and cheeks flushing as you divert your line of sight away from the handsome man flirting with you at your hometown bar. Perhaps, he’s some city folk travelling through the town, fancying himself a good time at Punch & Judy’s weekly hoedown Fridays, a little bit of flirting on the side to inflate his ego and keep his blood pumping. Whatever reason explains his presence, you are not one to complain. Your love life isn't very entertaining to put it mildly, so you're willing yourself not to get swept up in his caramel eyes.

Against the wishes of your quickening heart, you decide to give Mr. Handsome Traveller the time of day, body shifting as you face each other finally. “You don’t quit, don’t you?”

He cocks an eyebrow your way, something sneaky and sugary in the lines of his smile. A brief pause follows his actions, the soft rustic sounds of old town country murmuring from the jukebox nearby filling up in the space between your figures. It’s when he’s about to make yet another cocky comment that your conversation is put on pause.

Connor’s voice calls your name, head turning to find your best friend standing in between you and the Punch & Judy’s cowboy of the night, eyes wide and expectant as they shift back and forth in the middle of your standing figures.

“Dew, forget about Desperados tonight. The lady in bows will have your head otherwise.” Handsome Traveller nods his chin towards you, humour dancing in his smile as he snickers into his half-full glass.

Then, it dawns on you. Dew? One of the handful of nicknames Connor’s adopted over the course of his livelihood. So, they’re acquaintances? Or closer? Your eyes frantically search for social clues to point you in the right direction.

“The lady in bows is my best friend,” Connor explains, a bite to his words as his eyes glare a knowing look at Sexy Cowboy. He then goes on to face you, gaze softening almost immediately as his head tilts in his friends (?) direction. “This is Brandon, or Dewey One.”

Oh. Makes sense, you rationalise. This is Brandon, Connor’s close friend and teammate on his current team out in Minnesota, the one who gets into fights he can’t win on the ice whilst Connor trails nearby picking up his fallen gear. The one he told you a couple of days ago that was coming up to visit. And, of course you were flirting with him.

Of. Course.

“Dewey One?” you ask, minorly deflecting from your embarrassment and still genuinely curious.

Connor inhales, as if to speak but Brandon beats him to it.

“Brandon’s just fine,” he interjects, expression unassuming as Connor’s eyes put his visiting friend underneath a microscope. “Nice to meet you, darling.”

Normally, you’d wrinkle your nose at the sometimes sleazy pet name Brandon casually calls you, except this time round you find it more amusing than cringe-worthy, which is how you find yourself grinning as you two exchange a handshake that testifies to how strong Brandon is. You clear your throat to stop the circus unfolding within you.

“Come on,” Connor gestures over to you to follow suit. “Can’t keep ‘em waiting.”

You call out an agreement over your shoulder as you go to grab your drink, the hairs on the back of your neck stand to attention as a close whisper brushes past your ears.

“I ain’t no quitter, sugar.”

The next couple of hours are spent packed into a crimson leather booth that peels at the ends, going from topic to topic over many a pints. Brandon fits so easily into your group, his infectious energy illuminating as he takes up space without regard, his confidence more enticing than suffocating. Everyone seems to be in good spirits as the alcohol keeps flowing and as you sit back, careful eyes watching your friends engage in conversation, you wish for this to be your forever for as long as you'd like for it to be.

A nudge against your shoulder turns your head, greeted by Connor’s sage eyes. “You ready for Judy’s Line Dance?”

His rhetorical question draws a laugh from you. “You say that like I don’t do this every time I come back.”

“Yeah, but if you were ready then, you would’ve brought your cowboy hat,” comments Connor, his veiny hands grasping gently at the ends of your braided pigtails accented with a bow. “What? Wanted to show off your pretty bows?”

He thumbs the ends of your hair, engrossed in the strands and its feel and for some reason, the casual intimacy of the moment inflates something in your chest, a balloon about to burst as you forcibly breathe in and out, clearing your throat afterwards. “They're my favourite accessories.”

Connor huffs, corners of his lips lifting gingerly as he continues his motions with his hands whilst your body remains rigid with the exception of your racing heart and crimsoning cheeks.

Your mother has definitely planted a seed you cannot unroot.

“Yeah, you’re almost always wearing them in your BeReal. posts. They’re real cute.”

For a fact you know so well, Connor’s confession comes as a pleasant surprise, one that shallows your breaths and quickens your pulse. It makes you reflect back on before, when all was platonic and the comment wouldn’t have made you bat an eyelash. Now, your skin tingles and you’re struggling to find the words to encapsulate your affection past your dry mouth. So, like many others in your position, you settle for a safe reply.

“Aren’t you a charmer?” you roll your eyes, brushing off his grasp because you might combat otherwise, projecting your attention ahead of you to come face-to-face with Brandon, who despite the engaging conversation he shares with Owen, his eyes skirt over to you.

You look away, even more flustered than before.

It’s just your luck when you hear Judy’s tap incessantly against an old microphone that you have something else to hold your focus, eyes brimming with glee as she announces the dances for the night and their updated partner songs. Last time you were here, they were still playing their beloved country hits and you danced along thanks to the amounts of alcohol you consumed, but their new playlist of pop hits within the past decade or so, you’re more motivated than ever to tear apart the dance floor.

“If you ain’t shy to do a little two step, please make your way to the dancefloor please.” Judy grins into her mic, tipping her cowboy hat as patrons make their way over to the illuminated space.

Connor makes way for you to exit the booth, your boots hitting the ground as you iron out any kinks in your outfit. Amidst your actions, you catch other movements out of the corner of your eyes, to which you find Connor playing with the ends of your bow this time round. There’s always been something so sweet and tender about him - in the way clouds are amongst a blue sky, in the way laughter spills over so easily in the presence of a found family and in how harmonies make you feel as if you're floating. But, it’s never been like this before, this intense and vivd. In a way that rids you of all thought and scares you beyond your deepest fears all at once. You’re still finding your footing in this new territory, a plain that speaks to the existence of your feelings but has no road nor destination. It’s a simple plain you seek to find some end to, picking up clues along the way that predetermine what the future holds. At the beginning, the animosity scared you pale and grey. Now, the end is what grasps your fear in a fierce chokehold. To pry yourself from the jaws of unhinged anxiety, you allow yourself to relax, to seep into the present and take it for what it's worth because the end is unknown and you’re not there yet. Not by any measure of time, you hope.

“Kick butt out there, rockstar.” His big smile deepens the soft lines of his face, a pure display of pride in his features as he gives you a pat on the back and gives way for you to shine.

It’s small, insignificant in the grand scale of things, but your smile deepens too and you nearly float to the dancefloor, adrenaline rushing through your body as the DJ prepares the upcoming music.

As you settle in line, you feel a light pressure lay upon the crown of your head, eyes darting to find Charlotte in the line next to you, giving you a wink before she faces forwards, thumbs slotted through the loops of her flare jeans. Her straw cowboy hat no longer, you reach up to find said object upon your head and with a chuckle behind your hand, your thumbs hang on your belt loops and let the music guide you.

It’s only when you’ve done your first turn that you realise that Brandon has also decided to join the line dance, huffs of amusement sounding from you as he glides and slides with a confidence dusted with his normal dash of comedy.

When Judy announces it's time for the partner dance, it’s your cue to catch your breath as you plan to evacuate the dancefloor. As mentioned earlier by Charlotte, the pretty sandy brown haired man who’d bought her a drink earlier in the night circles his arms around her waist as she gives him a smitten grin. You beam at the endearing sight, about to make your way towards your booth but are stopped in your tracks as a calloused hand clasps around your wrist.

Brandon’s expression is more sheepish than you’ve ever seen, his eyes distracted as they wander away from you. You raise an eyebrow.

“Who says the night has to end here, sugar?” His voice trembles partially, its edge lost in the coyness lining his smile as he finally looks at you with a dazzle of hope in his eyes.

A momentary pause delays your response, the moment used to turn the cogs in your head and sneak a glance back at your booth, where Connor was last you saw him, eyes trained on you as he simply watches the interaction. Under the weight of his gaze, a creeping sense of embarrassment climbs up your back, scolding the skin. You’re about to give your reply when the music starts up and Brandon speaks again.

“Put this desperado out of his misery and allow me this one dance?”

It’s so cheesy, maybe even idiotic - the words he proposes to you but he’s trying and that’s what appeals to you most, warms your heart and sways your response as you send him a nod that has Brandon cheesing ear to ear, his hand leading the way as you two fall in line.

You haven’t had much experience line dancing with a partner, the closest experience to this being a night you barely remember, happily back sliding with a fifty year old local in your college town bar who wanted to feel young again. Regardless of the fact, there’s no time to mull it over as the music already starts and your fingers are interlocking, matching up with the rest of the duos as you dance, cowboy boots stomping as you make a scene.

In all the commotion of heavy stops and ongoing thumps of Rihanna’s ‘S&M’, Brandon manages to catch your attention, mirroring your movements to a tee.

“You and Connor don’t do this much, do you?” he queries.

“You kidding me? Connie has two left feet, I’d be left for dead if it wasn’t for Charlotte.” You yell over the blaring upbeat country music, arms extended as Brandon glides you further away from his figure.

“Good thing I’m here tonight.” jesters Brandon, and you laugh along because you’re tipsy and having a lot more fun than you imagined.

Despite your familiarity with the dance routine you two execute to a tee, you’re caught off guard when Brandon brings you inwards, bracing you against his hard chest before his arm circles around the circumference of your lower back, holding you steady as he dips your body slightly. Your foot is kicked out, your (Charlotte’s) straw hat’s fallen to the scuffed dancefloor and you’ve just had the wind knocked straight out of you, eyes feverishly searching for answers as the bar falls to a hush.

You’re looking in each other’s eyes now, chest heaving and high off the adrenaline pumping through your veins from all that dancing. All time ceases to exist and it’s just two of you, sharing laboured breaths and looking for any cues for how this will end. It appears as if you’re in your own head at this point, combing through a thousand possibilities all at once to respond however you see fit. Thankfully for you, Brandon breaks the silence.

“One night and one night only.”

The sentence sends shivers down your spine and you’re pretty sure Brandon feels you quiver in his arms as he gives a brief chuckle, hauling you up onto your two feet and bringing you back to reality. You don’t really find their footing after that.

The rest of your time at Punch & Judy’s passes by in a flash, more pints being consumed over your group’s loud chatter as the night stretches on. Charlotte and her blue eyed companion indulge in another dance before he’s whisking her back to the bar and paying for everyone’s next set of drinks - bless his heart. He introduces himself as Jack, a new face in town and as he and the boys exchange pleasantries, the wild eyed non-verbal dialogue you engage in pieces together Charlotte’s sentiment and if it isn’t enough, when Jack makes his departure, she gives him a kiss on the cheek and bides him a coy farewell, a promise to meet in the next coming days on her tongue. One thing is certain, when Jack makes his exit from the bar, the door shutting behind him, you’re yelling and shaking each other’s shoulders in glee, stupidly happy and sharing that with one another.

Your table has their last drinks and before you know it, you’re being squeezed into the back of Owen’s pickup truck, sandwiched between Charlotte and Connor whilst Owen and Brandon sit up front. Over the murmured sounds of slow alternative music, you get bits and pieces of their conversation, the two excitedly talking about their shared love for Legos and the most they’ve splurged on one set. You shake your head with a laugh, going to share your merriment with Charlotte, only to find her soundly asleep, a light snore bypassing her punch pink lips.

“How you holdin’ up, champ?” Connor’s low voice draws you in, a slight head turn in his direction. “Don’t think I’ve seen you dance like that since we were ten and begging our parents to have a sleepover.”

The image is so vivid in your brain, two wide eyed kids that held hands as they begged and pleaded to have a sleepover, only for their polite request to be refused. Taking matters into your own hands, you dragged your parents’ big hands into the living room, where in front of them and an oblivious Connor, turned on MTV and danced to some popular song of the time. Lucky for you, it worked. Unluckily, Connor would hold that over your head forever onwards.

You’re cringing into your hand, face mangled in discomfort as you wish away the reality of you doing that away. “One of us had to convince them. Plus, it worked, didn’t it?”

“I can’t argue with that,” Connor laughs behind a fist before his hand falls to his side, a moment of quiet between you two. “You and Brandon seem to be hitting it off.”

A single eyebrow raises to express your confusion, perplexed frown prominent not because of his statement which is completely true, but because there’s an edge to his voice - something unfamiliar and cold in the way he says his words - a tone you’ve yet to hear, even after all these years. Uncertain how to proceed, you choose to be cautious about the matter, selecting your words carefully.

“He’s nice,” you state, because Brandon is but something in you twists uncomfortably, feels the recognizable pangs of embarrassment as you’re subjected to uttering this out loud. Or rather, in front of Connor. A betrayal of some sorts. “You were right about him fitting right in with us.”

There’s a strange shift in the air in the backseat of the car, the once peaceful quiet now becoming increasingly heavy and awkward as your words hang in the air like knives. Connor absorbs your words, stare averted as he watches his fingers fiddle with the lock of the door on the windowsill. You run your palms against the material of your denim shorts because you don’t know what to do with them otherwise.

It’s only when you’ve scratched the back of your neck, eyes stiffly roaming the interior of the car that Connor replies. “Yeah..I guess I just didn’t know how well.”

You’re about to ask him what he means by that, going to press him but Owen’s suddenly shut off the truck, his blinding interior lights turning on and him killing the ignition, alerting you of your arrival. Connor climbs out before your vision reverts back to normal, so you put the matter on pause and softly wake up Charlotte who sheepishly wipes away dried drool at the corner of her lips and climbs out the pick-up with you. You’re about to shut the door behind you, though someone beats you to it.

“I got it.” Brandon’s husky voice sounds from behind you, the slam of the door following.

You send an appreciative smile his way, perhaps a bit of timidity mixed in there too, turning to include Charlotte in any possible conversation to come, only to find her halfway up the porch stairs of Connor’s house.

How is it always the two of you left alone?

“Let’s head in, it’s chilly out here.” suggests Brandon, you falling in line with his request as the beginnings of goosebump dot your arms, the roughness of your skin hitting an all time high as Brandon’s large hand falls to the small of your back, guiding you up the stairs into the cosy and quaint house.

Hums of conversation lead from the back porch of Connor’s house, the presence of your friends known as you wordlessly navigate your way through the halls of Connor’s house, hallways and framed pictures you’ve committed to memory. When you’ve made your way to the kitchen, you find Owen nursing a cool bottled water, hair tousled and cheeks dusted in pink.

“There you two are,” announces Owen, fingers threading through the waves of his brown hair. “Everyone’s out back - apparently, Quinn’s out back too.”

You waste no time beelining for the backyard, the sudden weight of your reality dawning on you the second you stepped through Connor’s doorway, a cold shower of water easing you out of the mirage you’ve impulsively floated in. Once you’re outside, the cool air sinking into your skin, you spying the usual suspects - Quinn, Charlotte and Connor gathered together around a fire Quinn boasts about making. His glee is short lived.

“That boy scouts training finally coming in handy, huh?” Charlotte banters, a suppressed smirk sneaking amongst her features as she takes a seat in one of the camping chairs surrounding the fire.

“You laugh now but when you need someone to tie an impossible knot and survive off the land, don’t come running to me.” responds Quinn, taking a swig of his beer as Charlotte holds her hands up in surrender, laughing regardless.

You’re about to turn on your heels to head back inside, retrieving a beverage of your own, but a familiar call of your name is stopping you in your tracks.

“I’ve got your cider here,” alerts Connor, expression indifferent as he approaches you to hand off a can of your favourite berry cider and a bottle of water. “Blankets are on the chairs too.”

It’s embarrassing how much you want to melt into this man’s arms right now. Nonetheless, for reasons you know all too well, you express your gratitude in a toothy grin that he mirrors with a closed mouth, pulling you down into the camping chair beside his.

Soon enough, Brandon and Owen are sitting round the fire too and your night ends like this, light-hearted discussions under the stars as the heat from the open flame soothes your heavy eyelids closed. Whilst you’re mildly awake, you don’t miss the glances you and Bradon trade over the sandstone fire, loaded questions in his eyes. Had this been any other occasion, any other person not linked to Connor, any other reality where your current feelings didn’t exist for Connor, then there would be no questions asked, blossoms of wine doting both your necks come tomorrow morning. Alias, these were not the conditions and simply lounged in your camping chair, hoping Brandon didn’t look your way every time Connor’s hand would play with the bows in your hair.

Arm hanging out of his shiny porcelain white pick-up truck, Brandon squints as the rays from the blistering sun reflect into his eyes. Having said their goodbyes earlier, Connor and Brandon dab each other up with good-natured smiles before Brandon throws his focus over to you, standing with a bit more awkwardness than you’d like.

“Take care, Lady in bows,” Brandon says, a well-mannered nod sent your way with a closed mouth smile. “Don’t give Dewey a hard time. He’ll come round.”

For a split second, you’re eyeing him as if his face contains all the answers, but when he gives you that knowing look, the same one Charlotte and your mother give you any time Connor’s name is mentioned - you know. Know all too well and blush as a result, head snapping behind you to see if Connor’s within earshot. Thankfully, he’s in the middle of chatting with his brother, hands in his pocket as Quinn points off into the distance. You circle back to Brandon, the apples of his cheeks clear as day as he snickers like he’s been told a secret.

It’s as if this best kept secret brings you infinitely closer, your walls falling as you begin to bare the depth of your sentiment surrounding Connor. There’s no more beating around the bush, so you lower your head as you kick at the rocks at your feet. “You think so?”

You hate how small your voice comes out, meek and questioning everything known to man. It’s unfamiliar and not to mention, uncomfortable in every aspect of the word. Alias, Brandon sees you - catches the vulnerability you’ve shared with him and embraces you with a kindness that ushers a relieved sigh from you as he responds back.

“I’d bet my NASA Space Shuttle lego set on it.” Brandon banters, smirk soft and small.

So, he’s serious. Very serious, it seems because you know how treasured the item is to him. You exhale a breath you hadn’t known you were holding.

“Thanks, Brandon,” you breath, coyness coating your cheeks as your hands fall behind your back, your fingers tangling. “Don’t go fighting no alligators.”

“We can only hope,” Brandon gives his side-door a smack, rounding up everyone’s attention. “I’m hitting the road, fellas. Enjoy the fair for me, yeah?”

A chorus of agreements go off from behind you before Brandon gives one more salute, speeding off into the canary yellow sun. The small crowd outside Connor’s house disperses and regroups again later on that day, refreshed and ready to attend the local fair held every summer and the highlight of the year.

The fair lives up to its expectations, grand and joyful with a variety of rides ranging from teacups to a catapult-like ride that swings back and forth and then upside down. You’re distracted by all the colours, the sights and sounds that you’re so oblivious to what goes on right before you, until your vision is shrouded in black and your face is submerged in fluff.

Retracting, you blink your eyes to adjust to the change in lighting, lips parting as you stare at the massive latte-coloured teddy bear that Connor presents to you, the rest of your friends nearby taking their turns at the darts board way ahead of them.

He must see you struggle to find the words, his grin infectious as he jests, “I think I’ve finally out-conned the concessionaires.”

You must look like an idiot, or a deer in the headlights as Charlotte jokes, disbelief strikingly apparent on your face as you reach for the souvenirs, the fluffy animal so cosy in your arms and melting your heart into a big puddle of goo. “Thank you, Con.”

“Don’t mention it.” a smile plays tenderly on his lips, the sheer kindness he captures in his sage eyes enough to make your pulse race and head spin.

After the thoughtful gesture, your high spirits cannot be tamed as you indulge in every little thing your heart desires - laughing a little harder, smiling a little wider and stuffing your cheeks full of hearty food that makes your eyes roll to the back of your head. Charlotte basks in your glee, speaking of a glow you radiate as she snaps photos of your stuffed cheeks, a knowing smirk on her lips as she hands you your teddy bear once your food is finished. You don’t reply, exchanging words through your glances as you make your way towards the second bit of rides the boys want to try.

“Wait, isn’t that…?”

As Quinn’s voice trails off into the distance, you find yourself turning in the exact direction where he directs your view, eyes landing on a pair of figures - one being Connor and the other being, Amelia, Connor’s ex-girlfriend from high school and most notably, his last girlfriend. Her waves of blond hair glisten in the sunshine, something like a Renaissance painting. Her smile bright and wide as she greets Connor with an enthusiastic hug, a hug you feel lasts longer than necessary.

They then go on to immerse themselves in conversation, and for the life of you, you can’t look away - pry your jealous eyes away nor dry swallow this bitter pill because she’s still so into him. Hands familiar and all over him, leaning in when she gets the chance and beaming like she’s won the lottery. In all fairness, her life’s been such a tale - excelling academically, incredibly driven in all sports and other extracurricular activities that garnered her attention. And such a kind spirit too, always there to help no questions asked that it made you physically sick that you could foster any ill feelings towards her, because she’s such a light and maybe Connor would see that too. As he did when they were together.

You’re too busy losing yourself in a sea of self pity that you don’t notice Charlotte's attempts to snag your attention nor other things at first, your illegitimate fears getting the best of you but as your posture stoops, your eyes floating everywhere around the busy fair that it pauses on Connor’s figure. Once immersed in conversation, he appears distracted, indifferent somehow as his attention wanders, wanders over to you as his line of sight floats over to you from time to time as the conversation stretches on. At first, you think it’s your mind playing tricks on you, feeding into delusions that’ll soothe your pity party, but at some point, he holds your gaze, giving Amelia a pat on the back before he’s jogging over to where your friendship group is, not even uttering a word as he slots himself between you and Owen.

“What was that about?” Quinn just has to ask.

“Oh, Amelia just wanted to catch up,” he sounds distracted, his mind elsewhere but you don’t dare to indulge, your sight directed elsewhere as you grip onto the plush teddy bear as if it were a lifeline. “She says hi, by the way.”

You don’t do much listening after that, tuning out all the colours and sounds of the fair as you ride the highs and lows of what your life has become.

A sense of urgency plagues you from that day forth, a hurriedness in your actions as your anxieties get the better of you, going from lounging around in day old pyjamas covered in crumbs and mystery stains to getting a head start on your master’s personal statement and running every errand you’ve been procrastinating. Your parents swear you’ve become a different person - venturing outside the house before noon to visit the bank to change your address or go get your car serviced. Perhaps seeing Connor with Amelia was the jump start you needed to stop relishing in instant gratification, distracting yourself from facing any sort of music that pertained to the future and all its question marks. You still hang out with the others, more so Charlotte as you spend a few afternoons at the lake with one another, feet dangling into the water as she updates you on her adventures with Jack.

It’s the first time someone’s pursued her with such sincerity and charm that she’s hesitant about his authenticity. And yet from the sounds of it, Jack doesn’t mind one bit and shows his patience as they get to know each other, the smitten man taking your best friend on dates that further solidify their connection. You couldn’t be any happier for your best friend, this kind of treatment a long time coming, all of which you express just to see her blush and dive into the cold lake water to avoid further talks. You chase after her, teasing her mercilessly as the thoughts still linger at the back of your mind - your own sentiment with regards to Connor and what has come from the change of heart.

Emotional anguish and so much fear you’re not sure what to do with yourself. It takes a week of mulling things over, his missing presence due to off-season hockey training for you to make up your mind, peeling into his driveway and hiding your apprehension behind a strained smile as he greets you at the door. You preoccupy every bit of silence with running chatter, because you don’t want to hear yourself think, a multitude of topics discussed over vodka pasta you make together before you’re finding your way into his bedroom, the early evening sky greeting you as he flicks on his buttermilk bedside lamp.

He brings out his guitar, the same one you gifted Connor two years ago at the height of his newly-found hobby and plucks the strings, creating a melody you compel yourself to relax into, somehow ending up sandwiched in between him and the guitar as he directs your fingers to play one of your favourite songs, just because.

Apparently, your shaky hands don’t make for good playing material.

“You’re shaking like a leaf, you cold or something?” notes Connor, his looming presence over your body sending you into overdrive, your skin feverish and mind imploding from overwork.

“This is different.” you annouce, because it is. Unlike times before, it didn’t mean as much to be alone in his bedroom with him, getting glimpses into the life he’s lived and who he is as a person through all his possessions. You could handle the casual intimacy - the soft spoken whispers, the unprovoked kindness, the skin to skin contact that didn’t send your heart into a series of flutters. Now, all you can do is bat an eyelash, many at that, and this you must make known. For the selfish reasons you can think of.

“What d’ya mean?” he mumbles, clearly distracted and known the wiser to his breath fanning over your neck, goosebumps rising against your skin as your body grows rigid against his.

So acutely aware of your proximity, of the bursting feelings that thud at the confinement of your chest, your thoughts scatter like glass. “This, Connor. Being like this…with you.”

That strikes a chord with Connor, his motions ceasing altogether as his hands drop from the guitar and you’re forced to face the music. Sink your teeth into this undeniable truth that’s followed you all these years and you’ve been too blind to see. Confront the holy truth that maybe there was more divine work intertwined in your story with Connor, that maybe the universe wrote you two as one heart as opposed to two. That, as the summer days ticked by, the sun seeping into your skin, your love grew for Connor like molasse - slow and thick and palpable that once you were aware of its existence, that’s all that consumed you. Coated in his syrupy love, an endless desire.

You’re facing your best friend in spite of the hellish screams in your mind to play this off as some random mood swing, a joke even, because laughter follows you two everywhere, right? But, you know. Know better than anybody else that Connor knows you, like the back of his hand. Sees right through any charade you may jester him with, so any attempts to divert the conversation are as pointless as anything. Your confession starts and ends here.

A flicker of concern mixes in the dark of his eyes, hands clasped together with a crease in between his eyebrows. “I don’t follow.”

A full body sigh draws out of you, shoulders sagging and back curving, your hands casting aside the acoustic guitar with caution. You’re back to staring at each other, in the silence of the night, caged in between four walls that burn your eyes white as you once again grapple with your innumerable feelings and the finality of it all - this longing.

“Don’t you think,” you croak, question in your eyes as you look up at Connor, stifling any rise in emotion within you. “-this summer has been different?”

His sage eyes cast away, pink lips settling into a pout as he racks his brain for whatever answer you may be looking for. “No? Maybe? I don’t know.”

He adds on, looking back at you as he leans closer without fault. “Is this because it’s your last summer before you graduate?”

Connor’s got a point. When you’re trying to kid yourself into not having romantic feelings for your childhood best friend, your mind wanders to places where it has more control. Plans for after college, what modules you’ll be taking, what societies you want to join, what last things you’d like to cross off your list before you’re forced into full fledged adulthood. It’s a thought that lingers ever so presently at the back of your mind, like background music stuck on loop, but ultimately, Connor has missed his mark and you tell him so.

“Partially, but,” you wet your lips, struggling to find the words again as the burn against your cheeks proves to be insufferable. “This is what’s been on my mind more than anything else.”

Your point is accentuated by your single finger gesturing between the two of you, a poor attempt at best to foster some sort of confession of your romantic feelings. Because it's so scary, lending these thoughts your voice because they become much more real, spoken aloud for his ears to hear and his heart to see. For his heart to feel and what then? What awaits you once your confession reaches his ears? The unknown is scary, chilling to the bone and you wish to shroud yourself from it as long as there’s daylight.

There’s a beat before you hear Connor’s voice again. “What about us?”

Hearing him vocalise those three words makes the moment so real, so vividly intense that it sends chills down your spine and slows your laboured breath, the thump of your heart all you can hear aside from the ticking clock against Connor’s bedside table. It ticks and ticks, signifying the curtain call to your summer long charade.

“Connor, I..” It’s as if the magnitude of your feelings have manifested into some beast, with razor-like fangs and sharp claws that slash at the confinements of your chest, the words of love dying on the tip of your tongue as the moments hangs over your head like a gauntlet. You’ve never been so scared before, driven nearly to tears as your desperate hands grip at the material of your hoodie to ground yourself in some sort of way whilst you try to push yourself. To see this through until the very end and leave the destination unknown.

“We’ve been friends our entire lives. I don’t know anything beyond being with you and I never wanted to, and I feel like that means so much more than it did years ago,” his eyes are on you, undivided attention served on a silver platter that you turn away from, for its sincerity and shine. “Maybe, I did know deep down inside what I know now all those years ago. Like when I cried and begged for you not to leave the Pas. Or when you held my hand any chance you got when we were kids, or anytime you smiled at me really that let me know I always liked you. Maybe, even love you - I don’t know. But, what I do know is that I just couldn’t leave for Calgary without letting you know. Even if that means…”

You don’t have the heart to utter your next words, a dagger to the heart at even the possibility of losing your best friend and partner in crime. Perhaps, it isn’t worth saying - this whole grand love confession because this is a risk you’re not ready to face. However, despite your thundering heart against your bruised chest and however many times you’re second guessing yourself here, the weight lifted from your words is undeniable. An unspoken truth that had been set free, that needed to be set free - whatever the fallout may be.

A snicker snaps you out of your deep seated fears, your scattered daze settling on the view before you, one you had least expected. Connor, eyes cast away from yours as he huffs into his hands, a laugh you’re undecided where it derives from.

“…Are you laughing at me right now?” You feel awful for even asking such a ridiculous question. At the same time, you’ve just been as vulnerable as you’ve ever been in your entire life - some hesitancy is to be expected.

At your question, Connor’s huffs of delight cease and stares at you at alarm, realising his mistake. “God, no. Fuck, I’m so sorry, I just-”

“You used to rub dirt on me, and now you're proclaiming your love for me,” an airy laugh puffs out of his moving chest, a mixture of disbelief and amusement painted amongst his chiselled features. “It’s a bit of an adjustment.”

He seems…happy? Relieved? You’re not really sure, but what you at least find peace in is that there’s no sunken look about him, no expression worn that conveys disappointment and hurt because that’s all you’d have to see to know where his heart lies.

“Good or bad?” you ask.

His eyes bounce back to yours, those same olive eyes you’ve spent years looking into, glimmer with a sparkle that you’ve yet to see and robs you of rational thinking as your heartbeat picks up the pace.

“Good,” he whispers, like it’s a secret for just the two of you - one that is small and fragile, but so special and cherished that it makes your heart squeeze. “Because, there’s no one else I’d rather be with. Not by a long shot.”

You swear you could cry, burst like a dam and drown in your tears that overflow with such joy and relief because this is it for you. So right and settled, being where you’ve always meant to be - so loved and treasured by the one person who knows you better than yourself, someone who’s seen you at your most awkward and at your worst, and loves you because he has. Because he’s seen it all and wants to spend the remainder of his life doing so, a conscious choice he makes everyday because he loves you and you love him.

You’re unsure how you’ve ended up like this, limbs curled up in your lover’s lap as he cups your cheeks, rough thumb caressing the skin as his love shines through his gaze that blows his iris’ out of view. He looks so beautiful like this, unabashed and vulnerable, secure in love and what destiny holds for you. He looks at you as if you colour his skies and spin his world round and just like that, you lose yourself in him. Thread your fingers through his strands of umber brown and kiss him like you mean it. Kiss him long and hard, and with everything you have because it’s long overdue, so needed that you melt into him, lips overlapping as you taste destiny on his tongue.

The story of you and him, a tale as old as time.

#connor dewar x reader #connor dewar #connor dewar fic #cd24 #minnesota wild #toronto maple leafs #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fic #connor dewar fluff #dewey 2 #brandon duhaime #dewey 1 #dewey #residenthughes

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tkachuktkaching · 3 months ago

Text

A few of the highlights

After he threw the pitch in the Marlins game in Miami which he was still recovering from a shoulder injury (right after he got traded) he went into his back yard and and practiced and threw 5 pitches to prepare but he's much healthier than two years ago.

Some talk on Jayson Tatum and how he makes 6 times as much as him and he always knew he was destined for the big time in the NBA and he was always a stud.

They always talked as kids about making the nba and nhl respectively.

The video was technology class in 7th grade before high school.

His dad wanted to go with him to the baseball pitch and his mum was out of town.

He loved hanging out with jayson and catching up for a few hours.

He talked about Sherwood in 2020 he tried a few brands, he helped with the design process and was their first hockey player since their rebrand.

He talked going to Raising Cains, he was partying and going to eleven and without sleep and he had agreed to do things prior to the final. He talked about all the opportunities to do extra signings and things.

He decided to a interview with sports net and decide to give a shout out, he loves the people in Calgary and hates the people in Edmonton and he got family in Winapeg including his Grandpa.

He was excited to play in the charity golf tournament, he loves Charles Barkely and playing with TJ Oshie and the Kelcie brothers were cool.

And how he ended up singing We Are The Champions with Charles Barkley.

He was excited to meet the different people from the different sports.

He got engaged on the Thursday before game 1 in the playoffs and flew in his parents and fiancé's parents had a big celebration then went no booze for the whole playoffs and plans to do that again.

His special memories of the playoffs were the off ice stuff playing poker the comradeship with the guys.

He's sad the teammates that left but excited they got the offersheet and got paid and set for life and is excited to see them for dinner when they see them.

He was pissed after game 5 because he didn't want to go to Edmonton but he was so confident ahead of game 7 he wanted to do it for his family that got him there, he talked how his dad and Brady walked him to his car and wanted to do it especially for them.

He drives to the arena on his own he goes early getting there 4 hours early. Sam Bennet got a mention for liking to sleep and goes much later.

How incredible the emotions of his family and being the first tkachuk to win the cup,

Bringing his dad into the lockeroom was what it meant to him and his whole family.

Singing Brady praises for being so supportive and believes Brady will win it, he's too good not to, he's built for the play offs, and wants to be there when he does.

Literally everybody from Calgary reached out to him after the cup win even Darrell (Sutter).

Praising his old youth team London Knights and what they did for him and other players.

He heard from players he heard from or know and Robbie Thomas and people that won before Vllady got a special mentions he was a great veteran presence and okie too.

He talked the Paternark fight, and how it happened and Monty's involvement. He says there's no rules just beat the shit out of each other.

He'll never forget this year for the rest of his life.

He confirmed Brady did not touch the cup though there were a few close calls due to being drunk.

He says he's so much better health than this time last year, he's excited about this year.

He his fiancee and Brady are going to visit Taryn this Friday he says she won't listen to his interview so it won't ruin the surprise and talks how good she is a field hockey. Her preseason has started.

He loves to watch Barky in practice and is learning to do things and a special mention of Kucherov of Tampa one of his favorite players.

He wants to improve scoring from further out like Brady.

He's getting more recognised now but it's good and he's enjoying it.

He's being working on jumps, working on his skating, sprints and being strong weights but jumps.

He got in trouble for putting the cup in the ocean but the cup caretakers only told him afterwards but they understood but he got great memories.

The whole family sacrifices so much for hockey players and the Tkachuk name is on the cup forever it's forever.

#matthew tkachuk #florida panthers #cam and strick podcast #chatty Matty #Spoilers

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youcouldmakealife · 8 months ago

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SOTM: Bryce/Jared, Elaine; Man of the Hour (Day, Week, Month, Year)

For the prompt: One of the articles Bryce mentions. "…like, a profile thing? How it was growing up gay in hockey, that kind of thing… A chance to establish myself as like, I am now,” Bryce says. “Kind of like — not set the record straight, exactly, but like, show I’ve matured and stuff. "

It’s the definition of a typical Vancouver day, drizzly and overcast, when I meet Bryce Marcus. He likely needs no introduction, but I will introduce him anyway: the star centre for the Vancouver Canucks who went from being the enemy while playing for the arch-rival Calgary Flames to becoming possibly the most beloved man in the city: certainly if you you asked the fans streaming out of Rogers Arena after watching the Canucks win the Cup for the third time, or the hundreds of thousands of lining Burrard to cheer on their Canucks at the Stanley Cup Parade on a beautiful sunny day this June.

The weather is anything but glamourous today, however, and at the Marcus Matheson household, the surroundings aren’t either.

Jared Matheson, husband and teammate of Bryce, apologizes as I step over a box in their hallway. “We’re kind of in the middle of a move right now.”

They’re trading their two-bedroom condo for something ‘a little more permanent’. Both have decided that wherever their NHL careers may take them, Vancouver is going to remain home, and they’ve just closed on a house nearby.

“Bryce is weirdly excited about getting to mow the lawn,” Jared tells me as we wait for Bryce to finish getting ready. In light of the hyper-competitive Vancouver real estate market it’s entirely understandable to be excited about lawncare — it means you have a lawn to care for — but one wouldn’t have expected that to extend even to Vancouver’s sports stars.

When Bryce emerges, five minutes after my arrival, he announces himself by swearing as he trips over a box of his own, and then apologising, both for his language and his tardiness.

“He was doing his hair,” Jared says.

“I was not,” Bryce scowls, but doesn’t offer an alternative explanation.

After a quick tour of their condo, which is currently half in boxes, Bryce and I hop into his Audi S8 — naturally courtesy Capilano Audi, whose ads featuring him are inescapable during Canucks games. We drive to Richmond so he can show me his old haunts: elementary, middle, and high school — though he finished high school in Washington while playing for the Spokane Chiefs — his home rink, the Dairy Queen his mother took him after hockey games. He’s a capable, if slightly aggressive driver. I mention this because from the dire warning I received from Jared on the way out the door I genuinely believed I might not survive the drive.

Bryce finally pulls into the driveway of an unassuming but cheerful house on a quiet suburban street. The morning drizzle has faded, and the weather is now just as bright and warm as his childhood home, and the mother who raised him there. Already waiting for us on the porch, his mother Elaine Marcus offers me a glass of lemonade. “Store bought, I’m afraid,” she says with a smile. “I’m not much of homemaker.”

Over lemonade and cookies — “Also store bought,” Elaine admits, “but this bakery is very good!”, and she’s right about that — she shows me an array of childhood and teenage photos while Bryce complains to his mother that she’s ‘embarrassing’ him.

The photos are more inspiring than embarrassing: photo after photo of a beaming little boy in an equally small Canucks jersey, proudly brandishing a plastic mini-stick (Canucks branded, of course). A true example of someone who grew up to live his childhood dream.

Sadly, as he gets a older the smile disappears, as does the man beaming in the background of so many of those happy photos. His father, Ben Marcus, was killed by an impaired driver at the age of 32. It devastated Elaine and Bryce, who was only four at the time.

“It was hard,” Elaine says. “He didn’t understand. I didn’t understand, when it came down to it. It was a hard time. He wanted to play hockey all the time, it was the only thing he wanted. He was really only happy on the ice.”

“I just wanted him to be happy,” she says, smiling tearfully, and as Bryce wraps a protective arm around his mother's shoulders, I offer to give them a moment.

“It was a long time ago,” Elaine says in dismissal, wiping her eyes. “It’s just hard sometimes. Ben loved hockey, loved watching the Canucks with Bryce — he’d have been so proud to see Bryce lift the Cup for them. I am too, of course, but it was always Ben and Bryce’s thing. He would have been so proud.”

I do give them a moment then, and when I return, my lemonade has been refilled and both are all smiles once again, though Bryce's doesn't last. He cringes as we go through photos of his teen years. There’s a sullen look on his face in every picture.

And what was Bryce like as a teenager?

"I'll let him answer that," Elaine says diplomatically.

“I don’t really know,” Bryce says, looking thoughtful. “Angry, I guess. I was an angry kid. And confused.”

About his sexuality?

“Everything was confusing,” Bryce says. “But yeah, definitely that too.”

“Bryce cared so much,” Elaine says. “About everything. He still does. The world’s hardest on the people who care most about it.”

Like so many hockey players who’ve come out since Dan Riley and Marc Lapointe did in 2010, he credits their coming out as a major influence on his journey of coming to terms with his identity as both a gay man and a pro hockey player.

“You don’t really put it together,” Bryce says. He turned sixteen the summer the Leafs won the Stanley Cup, and Riley and Lapointe subsequently came out. “Like, okay, sure, you can be gay and play hockey. Except nobody thought that. I didn’t think that. If you said that, maybe I’d say okay, but I didn’t believe it.”

How, then, did he reconcile being gay and playing hockey?

“That's the thing,” Bryce says. “I didn’t, you know? I was playing hockey, so obviously I wasn’t, right? Because if I was gay, then I wouldn’t be playing, would I?”

“It sounds so ridiculous saying it now,” he reflects. “But that’s what I thought. And I wasn’t the only one.”

But even more than Riley and Lapointe blazing a trail before him, he credits meeting his husband Jared at a hockey skills camp in Calgary. In the year before he met Jared, then twenty year old Bryce was arrested twice, for assault and DWI: the latter in particular shook his mother, considering how his father died.

"I was worried about him," she says. "That's probably an understatement."

“I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn't met Jared,” Bryce says. “I genuinely don’t. I don’t think I’d be out. I know I wouldn’t be happy. You know, everyone says it isn’t like in the movies. Falling in love, I mean. That love at first sight and all that is b******t. But that’s pretty much what it was for me.”

Was it mutual?

Bryce laughs. “You’d have to ask Jared, he tells it better than me,” he says. “But no, not really. I wasn't good enough for him. I'm still not good enough for him, but I try to be."

Another warning I’d received from his husband before my tour around town? That Bryce was an incurable romantic. This warning certainly seems more warranted than the one about Bryce’s driving.

And what does Bryce think about Jared’s warning, and his additional suggestion to take anything Bryce said about him with a healthy grain of salt?

“[Jared]’s just modest,” Bryce says.

“He lights up when Jared’s around,” Elaine says. “It’s just like when he was a little boy — every time he stepped onto the ice, he beamed. It’s the same thing with Jared. He’s so happy. It’s so wonderful to see him like that.”

And how was it, not only getting to play with his husband, but to raise the Stanley Cup together?

“It’s a dream come true,” Bryce says. “Really. I know that’s such a cliche, but so is love at first sight, right? And the hometown boy winning it all for his childhood team. They’re all cliches. But they’re my life.”

“I know just how lucky I am,” Bryce says. “Winning with Jared, with this team — it’s been such a whirlwind of a year.”

I tell him to enjoy it.

“I do,” he says, smiling so widely I have no doubt he’s telling the truth. “I really, really do.”

#SOTM #fic snippet #bryce marcus #jared matheson #elaine marcus

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haddonfieldwhore · 11 months ago

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winter things - matthew tkachuk

matthew tkachuk x gn!reader

summary: your best friend matthew brings you home to celebrate the holidays with his family. their only christmas wish is for the two of you to finally get together

warnings: mentions of drinking, use of y/n like twice? (this is my first time including the whole tkachuk fam in a fic and i’m not super confident with it so please take it easy on me)

i hope you all enjoy the fic! happy holidays🌲♥️❄️

word count: 2.8k

you smiled at the familiar house that came into view as matthew pulled the car into the driveway. you had spent so much time here growing up with the tkachuks that it was almost a second home, welcoming you back with open arms as you stepped out of the car, a thin crust of snow crunching beneath your boots. matthew sniffled as he walked up the driveway next to you, and you laughed, watching as he struggled to carry all of the gifts that he insisted to bring all in one trip from the car.

“calm down, florida. it’s not that cold,” you laughed, careful not to drop the tin of christmas cookies your mitten covered hands held tightly. you and matthew had traveled from the sunshine-state to st.louis, where you had grown up together. whenever you came back to visit, despite all the years he spent living in calgary, it always took him a day to get used to the snow again.

“shut up,” he pouted, but even he couldn’t contain the smile that spread across his lips. even with his hands full of gifts, matthew held the outside door for you, and before you could even raise a hand to knock the inside door opened, revealing taryns smiling face.

“hey! took you guys long enough to get here,” she laughed, and matt sent her a mocking glare. “let me take that from you”, she offered, grabbing the cookie tin from your hands as you and matthew walked inside. you shook off the light dusting of snow that had gathered on your shoulders, before you felt matthews hands slide your jacket off your arms, hanging it up in the closet for you. keith stood up from the couch and walked over to greet the two of you as you dusted a few snowflakes out of matt’s hair. keith embraced his eldest son in a hug, which matthew happily returned, before he gave you one as well.

“we almost thought you two weren’t coming. did matthew forget how to drive in snow?” keith asked, causing you and taryn to laugh, and matthew to roll his eyes.

“i haven’t been here 2 minutes and that’s two florida jokes,” he raised his hands in disbelief.

“i didn’t hear dad say that word, did you?” taryn asked you, and you shook your head, and matthew narrowed his eyes at you playfully.

“why is avery one ganging up on me?” he asked, and you heard the thump of footsteps coming down the stairs behind him, as brady and his wife emma appeared.

“that’s what happens when you show up late, buddy,” the younger tkachuk brother teased, and matthew grabbed him in a headlock in response, but it quickly turned into a friendly hug.

“y/n got here at the same time as me,” matt argued, and you raised your hands in mock surrender, as chantal walked into the living room to see what all the commotion was.

“we don’t pick on our guests, that’s the rule. it’s so nice to see you!” she smiled, and gave you a warm hug.

“mom!” matt protested, and she walked over to hug him too.

“oh, relax. come here,” she pulled him into her arms.

taryn brought you into the kitchen, and after each of you washed your hands, she helped you take the cookies out of the tin and put them out into a festive plate.

“have you been home from school very long?” you asked, and taryn shook her head.

“just a few days. how was the drive from the airport?” she asked.

“it was pretty good,” you said. there wasn’t too much snow this year so driving conditions were good. “my driver wasn’t great, but he was cheap so i can’t complain-“ you teased as matthew walked into the kitchen and within earshot.

“i heard that,” he smiled.

“good,” you smiled back, scrunching your nose up as he stuck his tongue out at you.

“you two should take your bags upstairs to matthews room. there’s a little early christmas present for each of you up there,” chantal instructed, and you smiled, laughing as matthew stole a cookie off the plate on his way past. you followed after him, protesting as he grabbed both his bag and yours from by the front door, before heading up the stairs.

you knew this house like the back of your hand, and you smiled as the familiar scent of the tkachuk family home mixing with the smell of christmas cooking and baking filling your nose. you turned the corner and saw matt already sitting in his bed, your bags placed on the floor neatly as he read the tags on two gift bags that sat next to him on the bed.

“this one is for you,” he said, holding out the green gift bag to you, keeping the red one for himself. you opened them together, each pulling out flannel pyjama pants, yours green with a plaid pattern and his red, just like the bags had been. it had become a tradition for chantal and keith to buy christmas pyjamas for each of their kids every year, and then for emma as well, and you felt honoured each time you were included.

“we get to match this year,” he smiled, and you set the pants on top of your bag to wear later, and looked around matthews room. while his decorating had changed since you were younger, there were things that remained the same; the small dent in the ceiling from when matthew and brady had decided to play hockey inside and sent a puck flying up into the plaster. there were pencil marks on the door frame with the three siblings initials next to them, even a few with yours.

you walked over to desk and admired the bulletin board with pictures push-pinned to it, most of them containing the two of you, ranging from when you were kids until last time you had visited his parents with him for his birthday a few years ago.

“is it weird being back here?” matthew asked, coming over to look at the pictures with you. his hand rested half on top of your as you leaned on the desk, and you smiled, shaking your head.

“no,” you answered. “it kinda takes you back in time though, doesn’t it? like nothings changed?” you asked, and he turned his head to look at you.

“yeah. i feel like i’m a kid again whenever i’m here with everyone.”

“thank you for inviting me,” you leaned against his shoulder, and you felt him rest his head on yours.

“of course. it wouldn’t be the same without you here,” he replied, and you hummed contently in response.

“hey, dinners almost ready,” you heard taryn’s voice from the doorway, neither of you having noticed her come up the stairs to find you. you turned towards her, a smile on her face as she looked at you and matthew standing together. it had come up a few times between her and matt’s family if the two of you were ever going to realize you were in love with eachother, and as the years went by, taryn was convinced the two of you would never figure it out.

“okay, we’ll be right there,” matthews arm had snaked around your waist at some point, and he pushed you towards the door after taryn, following his younger sister downstairs to eat.

-🧣🧦🌲❄️-

after dinner, keith and chantal watched as ‘the kids’, meaning the three tkachuk siblings along with you and emma, decorated the tree. the lights had already been strung a few weeks before, but it was a family tradition to hang the ornaments on christmas eve. chantel had requested everyone get changed into their pyjamas for pictures, and you noticed that the pattern on brady and emma’s matched, as well as hers and keith’s having a matching design. still, neither you or your best friend figured out that they were in fact meant to be couples pyjamas.

“this one’s yours, brady,” matthew said, handing his brother an ornament with his name on it.

“what movie are we thinking this year?” keith asked from his recliner, holding a few dvds in his hand. “home alone, the grinch, elf…”

“i like home alone,” emma offered, and brady and taryn agreed.

“any of those are fine with me,” you smiled, choosing an ornament and hanging it on the tree.

“sweetheart, why don’t you put the star on the tree this year,” chantal suggested, passing you the tree topper. “you’re the guest after all.”

“are you sure?” you asked, and she nodded with a warm smile. carefully, you stepped up onto the small wooden stool next to the tree so you could reach the top, and you were relieved to feel matthews hands on your waist, gently steadying you so you wouldn’t fall. keith looked at chantal with a knowing glance, watching matt take your hand to help you down from the stool after you had successfully placed the star on top of the tree.

“okay, i want a picture of all you kids by the tree, while it’s still snowing outside. it will look really pretty in the window behind everyone,” chantal said, getting her phone camera ready.

taryn stood in the middle, while brady had one arm over her shoulder and the other arm holding emma close to his side. matt stood behind you with his arms hugging you and his chin on your shoulder as you all smiled for the photo. you and emma made the siblings and their parents take a photo together as well, before taryn put the movie in, home alone winning the vote. keith was sat in his recliner, while taryn and chantal sat on the loveseat. emma and brady sat on one end of the large couch while you sat in the middle of it and matthew leaned against the armrest at the other end.

maybe it was the flight from florida, or the spiked eggnog you’d had after dinner, but you began to feel sleepy about an hour in to the movie, and tried not to make it too obvious that you were yawning as not to be rude. matthew still noticed however, and he gently placed a blanket over your legs, stealing some of it for himself as you curled up under the warm material. while you appreciated the gesture, the added warmth only made you more tired, and you soon drifted off, matthew catching your head just in time as it fell to the side. he rested it safely in his shoulder, and smiled down at you as you snuggled into him.

emma elbowed brady in the side gently, pointing at the two of you, completely in your own little world. chantal glanced over, her eyes meeting emma’s with a quiet laugh before she watched her eldest son place a gentle kiss on the top of your head, oblivious to the two women watching him. the movie ended with you still fast asleep, and as it neared midnight, everyone said goodnight and went off to bed, leaving you and matthew alone on the couch.

“hey, sleepyhead. time to get up,” he shook you gently, and you mumbled incoherently in protest, your fingers digging into the material of his hoodie as you snuggled impossibly closer. “unless you want to sleep down here, but i warn you - dad wakes up at like 6 am,” he laughed, and the sound pulled you out of your slumber.

“why didn’t you wake me up sooner? i feel bad for falling asleep.”

“don’t feel bad,” he laughed again. “you could probably set the house on fire and my family would forgive you, they love you so much. but maybe don’t- i kinda like it here,” he teased.

“i promise not to set the house on fire,” you mocked him playfully, and his hands tickled your ribs, causing you to fall backwards onto the couch with him on top of you. “please, i’m sorry, please stop-“ you pleased through tears of laughter.

“fine, but only because it’s christmas and you asked nicely. lets go up to bed, mom will want us up early to open presents,” he surrendered, getting up off the couch and extending a hand to help you up.

matthew didn’t let go of your hand as you both walked into his room, only letting go of it to go into the attached bathroom to brush his teeth. you did the same after him, walking out to see him already under the blankets.

“come here,” he held his arms open for you to crawl into, his hoodie discarded in a pile on the floor, leaving him in just the flannel pyjama pants. it wasn’t an unusual sleeping arrangement; having shared a bed with him many times when you were kids, and anytime you came to visit his family. you switched off the bathroom light and laid down, curling up next to him as his arms pulled you close, tucking you securely under his chin. the soft facial hair on his chin tickled your forehead as you wrapped your arms around him, his body invitingly warm as you felt yourself getting sleepy again.

matt squinted his eyes, looking at the clock on the nightstand that read 12:03am.

“merry christmas, bug,” he mumbled softly, and you hummed in response.

“merry christmas matty.”

-🧣🧦🌲❄️-

you woke up to the sound of the alarm matthew had set on his phone going off at 8am, the time chantal had requested everyone be up for presents and then breakfast. you tried to get out of bed but matt refused to let go of you, his arms holding you tight as you tried to squirm out of his grip.

“come on, before brady eats all the cookies,” you argued, and that woke matt up, but he still grumbled and groaned as he finally let you of you and rolled out of bed. he pulled a t-shirt over his head, tossing you one from his dresser to throw over your tank-top. running a hand through his messy curls to tame them as best he could, and you rubbed your eyes as you followed him towards the hallway. you bumped into his muscular frame, not realizing he had stopped in the doorway, and you looked at him with confusion, realization flooding over you as he pointed upwards.

“oh-“ you breathed, looking at the small green bundle of mistletoe that had been hung from the doorframe while you were sleeping.

“that wasn’t there before, was it?” matt asked, looking down at you, and you shook your head, your eyes meeting his.

“why would someone hang it there?” you asked, and he laughed, finally getting it.

“i think maybe my family is trying to tell us something,” he said, reaching for your hand with his.

“matty-“ you mumbled, your voice barely above a whisper as you looked at your lips, and then up to your eyes again.

“can i kiss you?” he whispered, stepping closer in the small doorway, leaving almost no space between your bodies. you mind was racing a mile a minute, unable to form words as you nodded, and he leaned forward, pressing his mouth against yours so softly, his lips only ghosting yours before he pulled back, waiting for a reaction.

“do that again,” you smiled, and his hands went to your hips this time to pull your body flush against his, as he kissed you again. his lips lingered on yours longer this time, and your hands rested against his broad chest as you kissed him back, never wanting to let go.

like all good things, the moment had to end, as you heard taryn call from downstairs.

“are you guys awake?”

“yeah, be right there,” matt called back, his eyes never leaving you as you stared up at him, everything making sense as you both put the pieces together.

“i love you, matthew.”

he smiled warmly, and kissed you once more, like he was making up for all the times he should have done it before.

“i love you.”

“i think we’re the last to know,” you admitted, looking down at the matching pyjamas, and up at the mistletoe, before looking back at him, a smile permanently plastered on his face.

“i think you’re right,” he laughed. “come on, before they send a search party.” he dragged you gently by your hand down the stairs, taking a seat on the couch and pulling you to sit in his lap.

taryn and chantal each looked at you with a raised eyebrow, and you had a sneaking suspicion they were behind the mistletoe. taryn watched matty place a kiss on your cheek, and she sent you a wink.

maybe it was the warmth from the fireplace, or matthews arms around your waist holding you close to him, but your heart felt warmer than you could ever remember. brady and emma began passing out the gifts, and you took one for matt from her hands.

“you go first,” he said, gesturing with a nod for you to set it on the coffee table. emma placed a present with your name on the tag in your hands, as matthew whispered in your ear.

“i already have everything i want.”

disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned

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orphicdreamers-wp · 11 months ago

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Calgary — Ethan Edwards

Summary: You find yourself slipping into old habits and only know one person who can help you. The one person who won’t talk to you. So you turn to music

Content Warnings; Drug addiction, mentions of a previous overdose, angst, mentions of oxycodone.

Pairing; Ethan Edwards x Reader

Based on Calgary by Tate McRae

You stared at the bottle of oxycodone pills on the floor in front of you. You were sitting in the middle of your dorm room floor in tears. This past term had been overly stressful for you, you knew double majoring in criminal justice and political science wasn’t going to be easy for you but you were determined to turn your life around when you changed majors from visual communications. You’d changed your major once you were welcomed back to UMich following your overdose. You had been suspended for 4 months for not following the student conduct policy. You were graciously welcomed back the following academic year, you decided to turn your life around then.

Mostly because your overdose cost you everyone in your life’s trust and support. You also lost more friends than you would like to admit. You wanted to be upset about it but you knew it was your own fault for the ending of your friendships. The biggest loss would have to have been the fact that you lost all the friendships you had with the UMich hockey players. You had no contact with your best friend since you were 3. You felt guilty for him finding you, you felt worse for the words you said to him in the hospital.

You finally caught your breath and shoved you phone and the pill bottle in your pocket as you walked into your private bathroom in your dorm room. You placed your phone on the floor besides the toilet bowl and dialed Ethan’s number. Your heart clenched with every ring, but even more when his voice mail played, “It’s Ethan, don’t leave a message that’s what texts are for.” You sighed after the beep, “Hey Eth, I know I shouldn’t have called but I’m not doing too well. I’m alone in my dorm right now packing to head home for break. I found a bottle of pills. I won’t lie, I thought about taking them. I thought I had my shit my together. I can’t take these though they look tempting. I can’t do that to you guys again.” You let out a sob as you dumped the bottle into the toilet and flushed the toilet. “I miss you E. I’m really sorry.” You hung up as another wretched sob wracked through your body.

Ethan let out a yawn as he sat down at his locker and opened his skate bag and tucked his skates into them neatly. He changed in record time, Mark was going to his girlfriend’s house for the weekend so Ethan had their apartment all to himself, which meant blasting Phoebe Bridgers during his shower in peace. He was sliding his hoodie over his head when he felt his phone in his sweatpants pocket. He hadn’t checked it since he’d come off the ice after practice. Not that he was expecting anything but out of habit.

He slightly panicked when he saw he had a missed call and a voicemail from you. He connected his headphones before pressing play to be met with your sad voice, “I found some pills.” Ethan’s heart rate spiked, he couldn’t lose you again, “I didn’t take any, I miss you E.” He had to sit down in order to not lose his balance. She didn’t take any, she’s okay. That was what Ethan was repeating to himself the entire drive back to his apartment.

—

A good 8 months had passed since you left Ethan that sad sob story on his voicemail. You took a 90 day leave from UMich and admitted yourself into a rehabilitation program. You also started NA and AA immediately after leaving the program. You returned to school and made the deans list and you had taken up songwriting. You also changed majors again to Entrepreneurship and opened a coffee shop.cYou still had a lot of forgiveness to ask for, but you were mending a lot of broken relationships. You hadn’t had any contact with Ethan or anyone you knew around that time. Currently you sat on a barstool holding a acoustic guitar in your coffee shop off of campus. You had expected to see Ethan around campus and in classes, definitely not here and definitely not with a handful of other UMich hockey players.

You tore your eyes away from him and adjusted the microphone in front of you, “Hi guys.” The usual Thursday night crowd, who all had their stories and songs or poems they shared greeted you back. You cleared your throat, “For anyone who doesn’t know how this works. Welcome to Thursday Tunes here at Blessing UnDisguised. I am the owner of the coffee shop and my name is Y/N and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I opened this place as I like to call it around 3 months ago. I had my struggles with my recovery and wanted to give myself and others a safe place. And many of my regular costumers here know I write music now, so I have a song I’d like to share if you don’t mind.”

Your eyes held a glimmer Ethan hadn’t seen in years and it almost brought tears to his eyes. He hadn’t heard from you or seen you since before you left him that voicemail. He didn’t reach out, mainly because he didn’t want to hurt you by not being what you needed. But in this moment he could see you had finally gotten the help and stability you needed. A proud smile formed on his face as you tuned your guitar, “Okay so some backstory to this song, I wrote this about 8 months ago. I wrote this while I laid on the floor on my room in rehab. I had realized the night before that I still needed help. Admittedly I called my ex and dumped some of my problems on him. Which I shouldn’t have done. But I checked myself into rehab the next day. I wrote this about a time in my life where I didn’t have anyone because I had drugs. I’ve struggled with drug use since I was 15 years old. I’m now 21, as of 2 days ago. So here’s a song I wrote about being 20 and just feeling alone.”

Same bar, same street. I’m 20 but I still feel 15. Sane fears, same dreams. Still tryna get my brother to like me. You said I always seemed to land on my feet. But I got problems hanging like a chain around my neck. Trying but I’m barely seeing past 23. And the best of me, right now, is lookin a lot like a mess.

I thought I had my shit together. Can’t lie the pills are looking tempting. I thought I was hettting better. No I got better at pretendin.

Old friends, downtown. They didn’t like me then and don’t like me now. Im drunk, oh, wow. My old habits came back around. ‘I’ll figure it out’ that’s what I say. Figure it out and take a break. I’ll figure it out, maybe one day.

I’ll finally get my shit together. Can’t lie, the pills are looking tempting. I thought that I was getting better, no I got better at pretendin.

And I do it again. I’m a creature of habit. The moments gone but I’m still tryna catch it. Everyone left and I never got past in. Never got past it. Same bar, same street. I’m 20 but I still feel 15.”

Ethan felt a pang of sadness in his chest upon hearing his own words he’d used against you in the hospital after you overdosed. Something that stuck with him for a day, but had stuck with you for a year. He felt guilt for abandoning you when you needed him. Mark felt the guilt in his stomach, you’d tried to stay in touch with him, shooting him congratulations messages when they won games, liking his instagram posts and congratulating him on his engagement to his long time girlfriend Zoe. But he ignored you.

You exited the small stage and went behind the stack of books acting as a divider between the customers and workers. You bend down to grab a bottle of water from the cooler and when you stood back up, you were met face to face with Ethan, Mark and a few other players. You felt like crying when you saw the way they were looking at you, “So what do you think? You guys like Blessings UnDisguised or what?” Mark smiled, “It’s beautiful Y/N.” Seamus Casey and Rutger McGroaty were too engrossed in the hockey posters on the walls to reply. Zoe and a red headed girl you knew to be Luca’s girlfriend were flipping through the box of old love letters in the middle of the room to reply.

Ethan stood in front of you with an unreadable expression on his face, “You used it as decor? Here?” He was staring directly behind you. There were two(awfully made) pottery cups on a shelf behind you. They held tea bags and sugar packets. You and Ethan had made them at some pottery shop on a date your freshman year of college. You looked at him, “You always told me I’d find my calling and be amazing. I guess sometimes I still need a reminder.” Ethan smiled, “I’m really proud of you Y/N.” You smiled, “Thanks E. I’m really happy now. I’m proud of you too.”

#ethan edwards #Ethan edwards hockey #umich hockey #umich imagine #mark estapa x reader #mark estapa #hockey player x reader #rutger mcgroarty #seamus casey

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luvmmarner · 1 year ago

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William Nylander - Drivers License

WORD COUNT: 2765 (including lyrics) TW: cheating (kinda), betrayal. PART OF THE SOUR SERIES

ɪ ɢᴏᴛ ᴍʏ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇʀ'ꜱ ʟɪᴄᴇɴꜱᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴡᴇᴇᴋ

ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴛᴀʟᴋᴇᴅ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴏ ᴇxᴄɪᴛᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴇ

ᴛᴏ ꜰɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ

ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ, ɪ ᴅʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜʙᴜʀʙꜱ

ᴄʀʏɪɴɢ 'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

You and Willy always talked about you getting your driver's license, but due to the fact that you were so busy studying for tests and finishing off school, you never managed to do so. He would often talk about how the major reason he wanted you to get it was so that you could drive to see him when he was bored or when he wanted to spend time with you. But you never got the chance to do any of that. When you finally got your driver's license, it was already too late; he had already left, and the only thing you could do now was drive through the suburbs of Calgary all the way up to Edmonton. ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ ɢɪʀʟ

ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴅᴏᴜʙᴛ

ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴏʟᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍᴇ

ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ'ᴍ ɪɴꜱᴇᴄᴜʀᴇ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ

During the time that you were dating, you undoubtedly struggled with feelings of insecurity. You were extremely careful, but the only reason for this was that you didn't want to damage yourself again. You have a history of unsatisfactory relationships, the majority of which ended with the person you were dating cheating on you. You had many other insecurities as well, especially after seeing her with him. It was you who introduced her to him anyway. She was your friend and someone you trusted, but she betrayed you just like everyone else.

You can vividly recall the day when you first met Kat. In spite of the fact that there was just a three-year age gap between you two, she didn’t care at all how old you were. She was interesting, and she shared your hobbies. What more could you ask for? You two hung out every day and talked until you came to the conclusion that you should invite her over. It was the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. Willy and her connected right away, and without your knowledge, they gave each other their phone numbers and began texting one another every day. It's not like you had a problem with that; it was until they started lying to you and hanging out behind your back. You didn’t blame Willy at first, because Kat was persuasive and her fun demeanour could immediately convince anyone to hang out with her.

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀʏ ꜰᴏʀ ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏ ᴏᴋᴀʏ ɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ɢᴏɴᴇ

ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ, ɴᴏᴡ ɪ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ You were aware that the two of you were not perfect. You both went through good times and bad times, and at times the two of you fought to the point where you broke up, but in the end, you always made up. You knew that he was the only person who could make you feel loved and protected for the first time, despite the fact that you occasionally detested him in heated moments such as arguments. You knew deep down that he was the first person you trusted to keep your heart safe in a relationship. You never thought he was interested in someone else, especially someone else who was your friend and whom you also trusted. You guys broke up on seemingly good terms, with him saying that he needed a break because he wanted to focus on his hockey career, and he hoped that he could go pro one day. You were very upset when you guys broke up, even though you kind of knew deep down that you guys would not be getting back together, but in your mind, you still clung onto a little bit of hope that things might change—that he might comeback. That never happened; multiple years passed by, and you tried your best to reach out to him and his family. Just to check up on him, but the number he once had that he used to always call you and text you on was out of service. It wasn't until one day that the thought occurred to you to check out his social media; you would just give a quick check just to see how he'd been, and then you'd never check it again. It was the worst mistake you could’ve ever made. His Instagram was filled with photos of Kat and him. One of the photos shows them smiling in a cafe. At the same cafe that you and Willy would always go to daily, you looked at the date on the photo, and as soon as you did, tears started falling onto the phone. It was the day after you two had ended the relationship. You didn’t know how he could be so okay after just one day. You guys were together for awhile, and you weren’t okay, especially on that day. You isolated yourself inside for weeks, and the only time you emerged into the sunlight was when you unlocked the door to get the food deliveries. Despite this, you weren't doing well even now, especially after learning this information. ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴍʏ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ

ᴏꜰ ʜᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ ʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ɪ ᴍɪꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ

ɪ ᴋɪɴᴅᴀ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴅᴏ

ʏᴇᴀʜ, ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ, ɪ ᴅʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜʙᴜʀʙꜱ

ᴀɴᴅ ᴘɪᴄᴛᴜʀᴇᴅ ɪ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴅʀɪᴠɪɴɢ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ

You were well aware that your close friends were growing tired of hearing you continuously vent about your ended relationship, but they had no idea what you were going through. They've never been in a relationship that lasted more than a few years. You and Will started dating when you were just 14 and split up when you were 18, and here you are, 6 years later, still hurting. You are aware that you should have moved on by now, but you do not want to experience that pain once more, and you know that you will not be able to love in the same manner that you once did in the past. William was the one and only person you've ever loved with such profound intensity, and despite the fact that it may be difficult for you to admit it, you still love him to this day.

You were aware that none of your friends knew William as well as you did. You and he spent your childhoods together and continued to do so until you both reached adulthood together. Your friends never hang out with him outside of planned get-togethers for holidays, such as Christmas or Halloween. There were a few of your friends who spoke to William, but the conversation never went beyond the "just friends" threshold. You knew that even if some of your friends continued to be friends with him to this day, their relationship with him would never be as close as it was between the two of you. When your friends finally spoke about him, all you heard was that an NHL team had allegedly selected him in the draft. This was the only information you received about him. You felt a sense of pride toward him. It was something he never stopped talking about; it was his dream, and he never stopped telling you that he wanted to play in the NHL at some point in his life. You wished you could congratulate him, but you unfortunately couldn't, and you weren’t just going to ask your friends for his new number. You had to forget about him eventually, and you decided to start now.

You made the decision to take one more drive into the city that you had

grown to passionately love. Your mind was making the assumption that you were travelling to his house to see him. The one thing he has always wanted you to do You were going to move on; you just knew it would take a bit longer, especially since you’ve been grieving for a bit.

ʀᴇᴅ ʟɪɢʜᴛꜱ, ꜱᴛᴏᴘ ꜱɪɢɴꜱ

ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴀʀꜱ, ꜰʀᴏɴᴛ ʏᴀʀᴅꜱ

ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇꜱ ᴡᴇ ᴜꜱᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ

'ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴ' ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴀʙᴇ (ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ)

ꜱɪᴅᴇᴡᴀʟᴋꜱ ᴡᴇ ᴄʀᴏꜱꜱᴇᴅ

ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ʜᴇᴀʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴀꜰꜰɪᴄ, ᴡᴇ'ʀᴇ ʟᴀᴜɢʜɪɴɢ

ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴏɪꜱᴇ

ɢᴏᴅ, ɪ'ᴍ ꜱᴏ ʙʟᴜᴇ, ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡᴇ'ʀᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ

ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴ' ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴀʙᴇ (ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ, ᴏᴏʜ-ᴏᴏʜ)

You had another breakdown just a few days after your 25th birthday. You found out about William's recent engagement to Kat from the word of mouth of your other pals. It was the worst possible piece of information that could have come your way. You were unable to hold back your tears the entire day. You made the decision to go for a drive in an effort to put an end to your crying. You always experienced an unanticipated sense of peace whenever you were behind the wheel. You thought the drive could give you the same peace you always experienced, but wherever you looked, you would see and hear him. You hesitated to drive past places you'd been with him, but today was different. Every traffic light and every stop sign, even every sidewalk. You closed your eyes, imagining the good times you'd had with him and how much you wanted them back. You still loved him, and now you know it for sure.

ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀʏ ꜰᴏʀ ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏ ᴏᴋᴀʏ ɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ɢᴏɴᴇ

Nobody’s perfect. He wasn’t perfect, and neither were you. You had your bad moments, and so did he. It was what made you guys stronger, but no matter how much effort and time you put into the relationship, it was never bound to work. He was happy now, and so were you. You learned to grow over it, and now you’ll hopefully find someone who makes you as happy as Kat made him. You wished things could’ve been different. Just maybe he could've had some more empathy for your feelings and cared just a little more after the breakup, but you were kind of grateful he didn’t. Because it made you not care about it anymore.

ʏᴇᴀʜ, ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ, ɴᴏᴡ ɪ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ

It was something you'd never expected to do. Your friends suggested you go with them to a hockey game. You hesitated at the thought of it. What if he’s there? But they constantly reassured you that he was not on either of the teams playing tonight. You finally agreed and honestly wished you hadn’t. The moment you arrived at the arena and took your seat, you regretted it. You were sitting on the side where Calgary shoots twice. That means the other team warmups would be on the side you sat, and unfortunately, the seat your friends picked way prior to the start of the season was at the glass. Another big unfortunate thing was that it was the Toronto Maple Leafs. At first, you didn’t know he was on that team. It was not until all the Leafs players came out onto the ice that you saw the number and the last name. 88. You wanted to get out of there, but you couldn’t be rude to your friends, who paid a lot of money to get these seats. You made the quick decision to stay. Since it has been some time, it was possible that he would not recognize you. You also got over him fully two years ago when it was announced that he was engaged, so really, it shouldn’t have been an issue.

The undying fact was that you truly didn’t get over him. That was verified, because you’ve never gotten with anyone since him. You were waiting, and you didn’t entirely know why.

You were retrenched from your thoughts when your friend turned to you to tell you the news that made you stop altogether.

“You know he’s single, right?” JJ, who is one of your best friends, said

“Who?” You asked your first question nothing but shaky. You had a hint as to who she was talking about, but you wished that it wasn’t true.

“Will… You know you guys could finally get back together. He’s been single for a year now, and it looks like Kat and him are fully done.” JJ stated before quickly adding to the conversation. “You should give him another chance.” You didn't even bother to listen to the very end of what she had to say. When you heard this, a portion of you was overjoyed, but on the other hand, you felt anger rising up inside of you. This was a setup, and you had no patience for it. You ought to have seen from the beginning that this was odd. JJ spent the entire day yesterday hooked on her phone. Now everything makes perfect sense. He wanted a second chance, but you were unsure how to deal with it. You wanted to hear his side of the story about why he left. You knew the reason wasn’t just because he wanted to focus on hockey; you knew it was something more than that. You were torn. You still loved him and cared, but did he deserve it?

“You set me up?” You asked, trying your best not to just get up and leave and instead listen to what she has to say.

“He was messaging me yesterday, saying he wanted to talk to you and apologize to you for what he’s done. He really misses and cares about you, and he even said he made a mistake. He really loved you, and he wants everything back. He just misses you.” JJ’s voice was rolling quietly at the last part.

You fell quiet; you had no response to that. You were happy. But you didn’t want to get hurt again. You shook your head in denial before looking at the ice. The number 88 caught your eye multiple times. He knew you were here the moment you made eye contact with him. You felt yourself falling again, this time not tears. Instead, you felt yourself falling in love again. The way he looked at you was nothing but filled with love. It was comforting. He skated around before pressing his back against the glass you were seated in front of. The words Nylander are constantly catching your eye. The last name you’ve always wanted, but now you could maybe have it someday. You turned to JJ, giving her a nod before saying, "Fine, give me his number.” She squealed in excitement, giving you a side hug. You didn’t know it was the best idea to do it, but it was too late now, as you finished typing the numbers into your contact and sent a simple hello. Before turning off your phone,

The rest of the game went by quickly, and unfortunately, Calgary lost 7-3, with Nylander and Matthews both scoring two goals. You weren’t that experienced with the Maple Leafs and only really watched hockey whenever you were bored, and when you did, it was only Calgary and Edmonton that you watched.

After the game ended, you went home. You were hoping to go to bed as it was almost 3 a.m., but a chime from your phone distracted you completely. The text was from Will, and it was only an address. You took a few moments to consider it before making the decision to hop in your car and drive to the place.

You finally arrived at the location. It was definitely a hotel; the multiple-level building was a clear indication of that. You replied to him with a quick message saying “number?” and he quickly shot back a reply with just "1003." You spoke silently to yourself before remembering what happened in the past. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t get hurt again. You knew this could just end in you getting hurt again, and you weren’t ready for it. You already got hurt, and if it happens again, especially by the same person, you will never forgive yourself. You typed a quick message saying, “Sorry, I can’t.” You gave one last look at the building before starting your car again and driving off.

#nhl hockey #hockey #nhl imagine #fluff #hockey imagine #hockey angst #nhl angst #nhl fanfiction #william nylander #william nylander imagine #nhl sour #sour series #angst

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