#dried fruit sugar content

[djcgold]

The Truth About Dried Fruits: Benefits and Risks

Snack sensibly by understanding the truth about dried fruit!

A bowl of dried fruit Are dried fruits a healthy snack choice or a sugar trap? In this revealing article, we uncover the truth about dried fruit and healthy snack alternatives. Many people believe that dried fruits are a nutritious alternative to fresh fruits, but is that really the case? Dried fruits offer convenience and can be a great on-the-go snack, but they aren’t without their downsides.…

[illwilledomen]

Minecraft food pt. 1

These foods are traditionally eaten in plains villages. Small game like chicken and rabbit, as well as fish, are eaten throughout the year, while beef, pork and lamb is usually reserved for special occasions. This is both for availability and theological reasons. More below 👇

Mushroom picking is a job usually given to teenagers and nitwits. Bread is considered an aphrodisiac to villagers, and it is often given as a wedding proposal (alongside cheese and meat). Sweet berries are often dried to add sweetness and tang to soups, stews and pottage, as well as making a fine snack on their own.

Plains stew, or rabbit stew, is a dish common in plains villages, with slight variations in each settlement. Generally, it contains rabbit or chicken, with mushrooms, potatoes and carrots. The broth is usually rich and thickened with breadcrumbs or oats, and tartness is added either via wine or sweet berries. Some villages add beetroot or diced apple, others add dough dumplings or cut up grassland slimes, which are cleaned and deveined, and serve as a natural thickener as well as a source of protein. Their rubbery texture and fishy flavor may be disagreeable to passing traders, and it is a point of contention as to what the “true” plains stew recipe is.

Carrots, potatoes, beetroot (not pictured) and apples are staples for plains villagers. In times of destitution potatoes are crucial for keeping people fed. When “clearing land” for imperial expansion, Illagers poison the potato crops of smaller villages so they will not waste resources on raiding them.

Cake, or sweetcake, is eaten during times of celebration, like at weddings or markets. It resembles a pound cake, with a sugar glaze and decorated with fruits, like sweetberries, glow berries and apple. A slice is traditionally eaten with a glass of hot milk as a “purifier” for the days indulgences.

[allfortheslay25]

All for the scents doodle dump

When mates scent each other and are content in harmony, their scents will fuse to make almost a new one.

Together, andreil smells like cherry coke and that cold misty smell after it rains (with a tiny hint of cigarettes)

DanMatt smells like maple and something akin to worn wallet leather

Kateaaron smells like sour dough, citrusy jam and juice

JereJean would smell like yogurt covered almonds and fresh flowers

AlliSeth used to smell like seasoned fruit and pollen

Other scents:

Erik(beta): sliced melon and sugared lime with a hint of gardenia

Thea(alpha): ground coffee, oak, and a sharp floral scent

Laila(alpha): fruit smoothie, and dried cranberries

Cat(alpha): walnut and ginger with a hint of grapefruit

Kayleigh(beta): marshmallow and fresh clovers

Nathan(alpha): rare steak, iron, spiced peppermint (the kind that burns inhaling)

Mary(beta): Cherry liqueur, some kind of tea flavor, and rosemary (together, she sort of smells like flu medicine)

Lola(alpha): melted lipstick and spicy hard candy

Ichirou(alpha): carbon black ink(the kind that smells like leather but without the animal undertones), green tea, and bergamot

[amomentsescape]

Hey, do you have any slasher X reader where the reader loves baking?

Slashers with Reader That Loves Baking

Slashers x Reader (Separate)

Includes: Freddy, Michael, Jason, Thomas, Bubba, Brahms, Norman, Billy, & Stu

A/N: Hmm... I don't think I do. Looks like I need to whip up another fic. Here you go!

Freddy Krueger

Although Freddy doesn't need to eat, he'll try anything you make him!

He's happy that you have a hobby that you enjoy during the day

He's even happier that he gets to taste the results

Whenever you visit him, he makes sure the dream world has a kitchen for you in case you want to make something while you're there

You're more inclined to bake there anyways because Freddy can get you just about any ingredient your heart desires

When you do make items, Freddy switches into his "Kiss the Cook" apron and matching hat

He may not help you with the baking, but he still expects kisses while you work

He'll stand beside you, just observing everything you do

He doesn't ask too many questions either, he just likes seeing you relaxed

Once the treats are ready, he literally stabs a few onto his knifed glove and eats them off of it

There hasn't been a single thing you've made that he hasn't enjoyed

Michael Myers

Michael is pretty neutral with your enjoyment of baking

He tends to his hobbies, you tend to yours

He doesn't feel like there needs to be any crossover of sorts

However, he won't deny you when you ask him to try things

And if you need help accessing the top shelf, he'll help you out

He secretly has a big sweet tooth, and your warm smile influences him to try everything (he'd be dead before he admitted it though)

He has a pretty basic taste in sweets too

He enjoys the majority of the cookies, cakes, and breads you've made

He isn't a big fan of pie or dried fruits though

If you make a batch of anything, he'll try a bite if you ask, but that'll be it

You're always certain he's just trying to be polite

But whenever you wake up in the morning, half the tray is gone

Michael will just shrug it off of course

But it's pretty obvious he enjoys your treats

Jason Voorhees

He absolutely loves that you bake!

To be fair, he'd love literally anything you do that makes you happy, but baking reminds him a lot of his missed childhood

You've made a couple things already that reminded him of stuff his mother used to make, and it almost brought him to tears

He doesn't really get sweet cravings like he did when he was younger, but he will never say no to trying something of yours

He also enjoys decorating some of the treats too

His large hands tend to fumble a bit, and nothing comes out as good as yours, but he's having fun, and that's what matters most to you both

His favorite thing is coming home after a long day to the smell of baked goods and to see you casually mixing ingredients together

You just seem so content, and it gives him a taste of what domestic life is like with you

He'll always come over to greet you with a hug, not caring if you're covered in flour

And once he's gotten cleaned up, he just sits at the table out of the way, watching you

He especially loves when you talk to him while baking

It just makes him all warm inside

Thomas Hewitt

He never really grew up with home baked goods like yours before, so it feels like literal heaven when he smells the sugar in the air

He likes walking up and peering over your shoulder, trying to see what you're doing

He also just likes hanging out with you in case you need help with anything

If your arms ever get tired from mixing or kneading, you know who to ask

If you let him, he'll take little tastes of the batters, predicting how much he's going to like them once they're done

(It's always a 10/10)

If it's sweet, he likes it

There's never been anything you've made that he didn't eat almost all of in one night

He loves if you make enough for the whole family too!

He's a bit hesitant to help decorate, and even more so to help add ingredients

But if you ask, there's no way he'd be willing to say no

Bubba Sawyer

He adores your baking!

He absolutely has no idea what you're doing half the time, but he's happy about it all the same

You've got to be careful with this one though

Because if you even turn around for a second, the batter is gone

Same goes for when the treats are cooling

If you leave the kitchen, they'll be gone within just a couple minutes

You have no idea how he manages to do it

At least he's showing you just how much he loves your bakery?

But besides that, he's a great hand to have in the kitchen

He can mix and mix for days

And he's always there to help hand you whatever you need

Just don't trust him with the powders unless you want a white, dusty kitchen

He's also not the best around the hot oven, having burnt himself a handful of times

It's kind of like having a helpful but clumsy child in the kitchen with you

But he's so sweet you can't bare to tell him to leave

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms never grew up with many sweets in the house

So having his own baker at home is like feeding a starving man

And with Brahms, you can imagine how that goes

Will come to you almost every day with a new treat he is craving

In fact, he even added to the rules list that you needed to make him a bedtime treat or else he refuses to go to sleep

You love baking of course, so it's not a problem, but some of his requests are absurd

A pie covered in chocolate ice cream smooshed with cookies and drizzled with brownie batter might be a bit much for a midnight snack

But you honestly did it to yourself

The moment he tasted your treats, there was no going back

And be careful when the sugar rush hits

He's ready to bounce off the walls with you in tow

Norman Bates

Norman has always been one for domestic hobbies

So the fact that you're a baker makes him feel so cozy and warm

Waking up to fresh muffins with his tea, coming home to a plate of brownies, and even being woken up in the middle of the night to some wild cookie recipe all makes Norman so happy

Jokingly complains that you're fattening him up

He's honestly a pretty good baker himself, although he argues that his skill is nowhere near as good as yours

But there have been a handful of times he prepare his own treat beside you in the kitchen, and it always came out amazing

And because of his experience, he's happy to give a lending hand when you need

If you're making something you know by heart instead, then he's still there beside you, keeping up with the dishes so you don't have to tend to a mess later

Norman enjoys whatever makes you happy, and is eager to learn even more about what you love too!

Billy Loomis

He's pretty chill about it at first

He thinks it's a cute hobby, but doesn't know much about it himself

However, the first time he was actually there with you watching you work and tasting what you made...

He really gained a better perspective on it

He can see the hard work and true enjoyment you put into the hobby, and this makes him appreciate it more

He's not huge on sweets, but seeing you put all of this together for him makes it impossible to deny them

Will be brutally honest if he likes something or not, but there's truly only been a couple times he actually didn't like what you made

Will occasionally sit on the counter beside you and just ask basic questions

"What does this thing do?" "How long does it need to sit there?" "Is there a difference between folding and mixing?"

You always smile at him since his genuine curiosity is cute

Plus, it shows he's trying to learn more about what you do

Will definitely stand behind you and rest his head on your shoulder while you work

Stu Macher

You love to bake? Well, Stu loves to eat

Match made in heaven in his eyes

He honestly is surprised by the amount of effort that it takes to whip up a simple cookie or cupcake

He's not usually on this end of the food process

But he honestly enjoys watching what you do

Will literally just stare and zone out, making you laugh

Loves loves loves when it's time to lick the spoon

He will dab batter onto your nose though

He's a huge fan of helping you decorate too!

Just be careful, because Stu is also a huge fan of squeezing the piping bag directly into his mouth

But surprisingly, Stu has become pretty decent at piping frosting and making your treats look pretty

He always insists on eating the ones you decorate though because they "taste better"

He honestly just loves being able to show praise for the stuff you make him and will always request a fun treat to accompany your weekly movie nights

[atlaculture]

What food from their 'cultures' do you think the gang would like? Real life food

Oh, this will be a fun question to answer! I'll make this an ongoing series for as many characters as I can think of.

Favorite Foods: Aang

Seeing as Aang has always loved traveling the world on Appa, he strikes me as someone who prefers food he can easily carry and eat while in the air. He's more a snack guy than a meal guy, is what I'm saying. He's also shown to be very fond of egg custard tarts and fruit pies, so I assume he also really likes rich desserts. With these considerations in mind, here's Aang's food board:

Momos - Tibetan stuffed dumplings. They're easy to carry around and eat on the go. Plus, they share a name with everyone's favorite flying lemur. I think Aang's favorite momo filling would be cheese with mushrooms or veggies.

Shom-Dae - Tibetan rice pudding. It's made by mixing fresh steamed rice with yogurt and sugar. Tibetan yogurt is made from yak milk, so it's very rich in fat content. Yogurt is so beloved in Tibet that it even has its own festival there, called Sho Dun.

Bhatsa Marku - A cheesy dessert pasta from Tibet. The primary ingredients are gnocchi-like noodles, dried yak cheese, butter, and sugar. I've also seen non-dessert versions comprised of the gnocchi noodles with mushrooms and butter. I think Aang would love both.

Chhurpi - A rock-hard cheese traditional to the Himalayas. It's typically a yak cheese that has been smoked and dried to remove all the moisture content. This allows it to be easy to carry and transport, as it can remain mold-free and edible for up to 20 years. One cube of chhurpi can be chewed on for hours, as it takes quite a while for the cheese to soften in the mouth.

Ngarchur - A dried Tibetan sweet cheese made from boiled yogurt. Like chuurpi, it's keeps well and is easy to transport, although it's not hard.

Khapse - Tibetan fried dough. Depending on how you shape the dough, it can be crunchy like chips or soft like youtiao.

Sanga Balep - A crispy Tibetan pastry covered in powdered sugar. Not much to say other than it looks really satisfying to eat.

I also have a series on possible Air Nomad cuisine here:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Like what I’m doing? Tips always appreciated, never expected. ^_^

https://ko-fi.com/atlaculture

[highlandhour]

Content warnings: dad!Charles, tooth rotting fluff, Charles Smith x fem!reader.

A warm breeze swept over your features, weaving through your hair to cool down your hot scalp. That morning had been a busy one, filled with jamming and pickling fruits and vegetables as well as canning any others you wanted to save without flavoured vinegars or sugar to preserve them.

You had just finished up doing the laundry, which had dried your hands out unbelievably so. The hot summer air wasn’t helping either as you peg sheets and various clothing items to the line. You lean to the side, groaning lightly as you do so, grabbing another damp piece of clothing from your basket and lifting it into view of the sun. The tiniest little off white dress lay pinched in your fingers. You flick the fabric lightly before grabbing wooden pegs from the front pocket of your striped apron, the one you made from one of Charles’ old shirts that got ripped beyond repair a few months ago.

You place one of the pegs into your mouth as you stretch the dress to drape it over the line, one peg, two pegs, you pluck the third from your mouth and slide it on the puffed shoulder of the dresses sleeve.

A teeny tiny cry catches your attention, making you lift your head towards where it was coming from. The little window by the line was open and the light pink floral wallpaper of your daughters room could be seen, as well as the lace of her curtains which are now flowing out the window thanks to the breeze.

“Charles!” You call out into the air. “Can you go get her! I’m just finishing up here!”

A heavy thump can be heard from the surrounding woodlands your little cabin resides in. Charles makes himself visible as he walks out of the covert, his shirt long discarded and tucked into his back pocket with his suspenders laying on either side of his hips.

“Was just finishing up myself.” He smiles as he walks by you, letting his hand trail across your stomach to waist before letting it run across your bum. You shoo him away innocuously, tapping your hand at his fingers to be rid of his flirtatious gesture.

“Go!” You laugh at him as he opens the bottom of your Dutch back door to walk inside with a proud smile on his face.

“Fool.” You shake your head smiling to yourself as you pick up another piece of laundry to put on the line.

You listen carefully for Charles as you hear him walk into your daughter’s bedroom. His soft coos just dampened to the point of incomprehension but your girls sweet little squeaks makes your heart swell. You squeeze one of Charles’ shirts in your hands looking down with so much joy. It’s the blue shirt. That old blue shirt he refuses to get rid of.

You quickly flick it out to undo all the wrinkles you gave it. Shoving your hand into your pocket again to grab a fistful of pegs and popping a few into your mouth this time.

“You wanna see your mama?” You turn slightly to look behind you, popping a peg from your mouth to slide it onto the collar of that blue dotted shirt.

Charles had her lay across his big arm, her head resting comfortably on his bicep. He takes her tiny little hand into his and makes her wave to you. As quick as you could, you put the rest of the pegs on the shirt before fully turning around. Outstretching your arms.

“C’mere sweetheart!” You ring as Charles waltzes his way towards you.

“Comin.” He replies with a half grin.

“Not you.” You scrunch your nose up at him playfully. Taking your daughter from his hold to let her lay her small head on your shoulder.

“Aw that ain’t fair.��� Charles bends over, picking up a large sheet from the basket and spreading it out in his hands. “I was sweetheart first yknow.” He says to your daughter before kissing her on the top of her dark haired head.

“You’re also baby and honey and-”

Charles lets out a loud bellow of a laugh, reaching his hand into your pocket to take out a peg and slide on the corner of the sheet.

“Don’t I know it darlin.”

You step back to make room as he takes another peg from your apron and place it in the middle of the sheet.

“Darlin’s another one.” You say matter of fact, rubbing your hand up and down your babies back.

You both stay like that for the rest of the amount of time it takes to hang out the laundry. You stepping backwards a little with a pocket full of pegs whilst Charles hangs everything you washed. All the while your daughter made little noises in your arms and held the cotton of your dress in her teeny tiny vice like grip.

Such a difference from where you both came from. You could get used to this.

@hihomeghere @tortureddpoett @whoyacallinyellow @sapphic-outlaw

if you would like to be added or removed from the taglist just let me know.

[genji-centric]

New foods from Earth a Martian never tried!

Juno x Reader

Hi I love Juno. She's soo cute, and I want her to be out already. I just want to kiss her and take her out to get ice cream, which is why I wrote this!! Request anything Juno. I'm desperately needing more Juno lovers to unite with me and this adorable Martian.

You and Juno had started dating pretty recently. After getting settled into Earth, she started to learn more and more what the people from here had to do. She always had a rough idea, with life being not entirely different on Mars. But things still felt exciting and overwhelming all at once, but lucky for her she had someone who knew the planet she now lived on. You. She was always curious about the world had to offer, and she was over the moon to have someone to help her explore to her hearts content.

One of her favorite things to do was activity dates, going out on the town or city and exploring the places of Earth, no matter how small. She was astonished with how different things were. Her understandings of nature and wildlife were from books in her father's study, and yet here she can go up and touch an actual tree? It's all so new and exciting, but she could go without all the rivers and ponds. Such vast quantities of water was a risk to equipment back on Mars. Large puddles signaled an issue that needed maintenance, and you're telling her that's just nature?

Juno never really could grasp her head around the water, no matter how many times you would explain. But a peck on the cheek and a reassuring squeeze of her hand was all she needed. You were like the co-pilot to a new expedition, and for the current mission was going to an ice cream parlor nearby Overwatch's base. It was a shack you grew to like on lunch breaks, and you came to realize the ice cream on Mars was vastly different. Juno explained it to be powdered and hard, not cold. Something hard to imagine ypur entire life with ice-cream was just it freeze dried, and Juno lept at the chance to go see another part of life for Earthlings.

As you two waited in line you looked at the menu. Typical flavors such as chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and so on. But to Juno, this was a extraordinary change. She was only used to the 3 flavors that made up neopilitan, and now she's met with a menu of 20 more flavors on top of that? Juno muttered to herself when met with so many options.

"Pistachio? Isn't that a nut, oh hmm.. Ube? What is that.. what is a rockey road? Do people eat rocks here? Oh, banana? Like the long fruit? Oh, and.. jasmine? Ooh I like that! We had jasmine tea on Mars!"

You couldn't help but smile at her, always so curious. You could see her eyes sift across the menu, her face scrunched lightly in concentration. But she nodded in approval, seemingly content with her choice in flavor. She turned to you with a warm smile.

"I have decided on the jasmine flavor, I am aware I will enjoy it!"

As you two placed your order, she was confused by the option of cones or bowls. She decided on just getting a bowl, 'to not take away from the flavor of the ice cream'. Your girlfriend was always so endearing, and she always had a cute way of speech. You just wanted to pepper her face in kisses.

As you two relieved your ice cream, Juno's face lit up when laying sight to her bowl. As you two sat down at a wondow seat, (something Juno loved bacuse she liked to look outside and see the bustling streets) she couldn't help but pike at the food with her spoon.

"So is this what Earth ice cream is like? It's so.. mushy. And cold."

You nodded.

"Yes, it's a frozen cream with sugars and other flavorings, it's cold and always really good on a hot day."

Juno accepted that answer. She always did. Juno took a small bit of cream on her spoon, putting it into her mouth. You could see her pupils dilate ever so slightly. As she swallowed, she giggled.

"Wow!! This is so much better then when it's all crunchy!"

She took another spoonful, savoring the floral taste of her ice cream. Never have you seen someone so excited over ice cream, but you could say the same over someone being excited over grass, birds, in fact, anything nature related, concrete sidewalks, roads, and so on. She was always so eager it was admirable.

She didn't speak much after that. You both lived in the moment and enjoyed your sweet treats. You both decided to try a little bit of each other's ice cream. The floral taste of hers was subtle yet soothing in the best ways. In fact, you were kind of jeleous, and now you know the next flavor you would get at least. Ans Juno thoroughly enjoyed ypurs, commenting on anything she liked about the flavor you picked.

"I do say, that was such a good dish!"

She exclaimed, always so happy with any new food or new sights you see.

"I'm glad you liked it! I always try and find some time to come here. They have the best flavors."

Juno nodded in agreement.

"Yes, I would certainly like to try more of the menu eventually."

And so you both did, now on a date and you both craved something sweet. The ice cream parlor was always a top spot to hit. Juno greatly enjoyed each new thing, and you enjoyed the smile she had when doing so.

[her-devils-advocate]

Sugar Rush

pairings: Female Lavellan x Solas

summary: The Inquisitor gifted Solas with one of his favourite cupcakes, leading him to wallow in his feelings for her.

word count: 1,444

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62818654

Solas leaned back against the wooden headboard with a content sigh, one of Varric's books in hand. His legs were stretched out under the soft covers and crossed at the ankles as he let his body relax. It had been a long week of travelling back to Skyhold from the chilly landscape of Emprise du Lion, and the chill that had settled into their bones had finally begun to thaw. Instead of fighting for their lives against the Red Templars and shivering in their tents at night, their days had finally shifted back to the quiet hum of normalcy while The Inquisitor planned their next mission.

Almost if compelled by the very thought of her, Solas couldn't help himself when his free hand settled gently against Lavellan's head, which had moved to use his chest as a pillow while she slept. His fingers played with the long black strands of hair with practised ease, now free from its usual loose ponytail. He watched the way the silken strands slipped through his fingers like spilt ink, his heart aching with a myriad of emotions. 

How long until she slipped through his fingers with such ease, as if she was never there at all? How long until he looked back at these moments and felt the stabbing pain of loss and the bitter taste of regret?

He clenched his jaw to hold back the flood of guilt and admission that danced on his tongue, forcing himself to swallow such frightful confessions.

Instead, he let his eyes fall shut, breathing deeply as he locked up such regrets back into their prison in his heart and as carefully as he could, he shifted his body to reach for the small cupcake on the bedside table. He struggled to believe he was as deserving of her love as she seemed to think, her little signs of affection both pleasing and burning him. Yet he couldn’t help himself from being drawn to her like a moth to an open flame, embracing the danger of his emotions.

Her smile when she presented him with his favourite cake from Val Royeaux was now seared into his memory, just as his love for her was seared into every fibre of his being.

"Here, I got this for you. I needed to grab a few things with Josie and remembered how much you liked the cakes from there. It was the last one and I'm pretty sure there was some rich child in line behind me who was eyeing it up. I'm glad to say I got there just in time." She said while she presented the small treat for him, as proudly as if she had just admitted to killing yet another high dragon. “It’s the chocolate ones with small pieces of dried fruit scattered on top.”

“Ma serannas, vhenan.” He had replied, not even attempting to hide the way the tips of his ears almost seemed to glow pink. “Would you like to share it with me?”

“Nae, I bought it for you. Besides, that cake is tiny, enjoy it for yourself, my love.” She had smiled so brightly at him, that the lines of Mythal’s vallaslin sitting across her cheekbones shifted with the movement.

The cake had sat on his desk for the following hours, almost too precious to ruin. It had taunted and teased him, testing his control over his weak sweet tooth. Yet he still refrained, almost as if he were caught in a trance and biting into it would cause the moment to end and reality to set back in. 

Funny how something as simple as a cupcake could cause his walls to begin to crumble. He continued to work on his research of the rifts deep into the night, all while the cupcake’s small shadow danced across his desk in the flickering candlelight. Right up until the hour for them to retire to her room for the night, where he had brought it with him to enjoy finally. He would prefer no other place to indulge in something pleasant, everything always tasted sweeter with Relana Lavellan curled up beside him, safe in his arms.

He found himself to be proven right when he leaned back against the headboard and brought the small cake to his lips, savouring the sweet frosting as it melted on his tongue. His eyes fluttered shut momentarily, and when they opened once more, he felt his heart jolt. 

“Ma’tarasyl,” he quickly muttered, not wanting to break the tranquillity that had fallen over the pair.

Relana silently peered up at him, her eyes wide open and sparkling in the firelight as she watched him from her place against his chest. Her smile widened, and with a small amount of embarrassment, he realised that she must have heard his heart skip a beat at the small scare she had provided. Once his mask of composure fell back into place, he realised what had caused her to wake: he seemed to have gently placed his book over her head, almost like a hat, to hold his current page in place.

“Ir abelas, vhenan.” He chuckled and gingerly picked the book back up, watching as she rolled her head to peek at the cover. He tilted it so she could get a better look, her smile had softened considerably when she spotted the familiar artwork on the cover for Hard in Hightown. 

She did her best to wave off his apology despite her hands being trapped under the covers, “Enjoying yourself?” She asked, her voice light and airy as she watched him get ready to read; book and cupcake in hand.

“It’s impossible not to when you are settled at my side.” He replied instantly, and his lip twitched upwards when he felt her snuggle even closer against him.

She didn’t bother to fight her smile and instead let her eyes drift shut once more. “If you say so, ma sa’lath.”

He tried to continue with the paragraph he had previously started, and while the book wasn’t something he would usually choose to read, it had its charms. He tried to let his mind unwind, falling deeper into Varric’s storytelling while taking small bites out of the cake as he went along, only for his eyes to keep drifting down to fall upon her. 

Her breathing was light and her body was fully relaxed, yet he could tell she had not fallen asleep yet. His eyes trailed over her cheeks, pausing at the small purple bruising under her eyes. While it hadn’t grown overly noticeable, the sleepless nights were beginning to catch up on her. Too many nights had been spent with her tossing and turning at his side, unable to let her mind drift away into a comfortable sleep, while some nights resulted in her bolting up in bed, her chest heaving with fright. How he wished he could bring some comfort to her during those nights, to fight whatever plagued her ever-alert mind.

He slowly lowered his arm and brought the cupcake closer to her, gently pressing it against her lips. He held it there for a moment, watching as her closed eyes crinkled and her lips widened into a grin. She slowly opened her mouth to take a bite, only opening her eyes to look up at him after she had swallowed the soft sponge. 

“Thank you,” She breathed out, sitting up to place a small kiss on his lips. He quickly placed the book face down so that he could rest his hand against the small of her back, helping to stabilise her while also pulling her closer to him. Her hand came to rest against his chest as he deepened the kiss, his tongue gliding across her own. She tasted like rich chocolate, and he felt his mind spin, intoxicated by the feel of her soft lips against his. 

He could feel himself falling deeper into the bottomless well of love he held for her, not willing to even try and slow his descent. 

They finally parted, remembering their need to breathe after their lungs began to burn, too content to remain joined and explore one another’s taste.  He watched the gentle blush creep across her pale flesh and slowly tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears, granting him a better view of the flustered state he had caused.

“Ar lath ma,” She whispered, moving to brush a dozen tiny kisses along the curve of his jaw. Her touch was featherlight, her lips dancing against his flesh with a loving familiarity.

He ducked his head to nuzzle his nose against hers, “La ar lath ma,” Solas declared with a whisper. 

[amazingdeadfish]

HC idea, Macaque is sort of out of shape upon integrating with human society. (But is still way stronger cus he's not a normal monke)

This hc only makes sense if u search up fur-less monkies. (They're buff)

DF RAMBLE AHEAD (I got carried away)

I did on fact, search up hairless monkies for this. For those of you who see this and are also curious, here is a picture:

Those are really buff monkies, and they lowkey unsettle me a little lmao (to think Macaque and Wukong could, or once, or are built like this terrifying but also really funny).

Now, I really like this HC idea (because there is no way Macaque is in the same state as he was hundreds upon thousands of years ago, regardless of his "death"), but the reason he is out of shape might be worth discussion.

I think it might be because of the food he'd be eating, not lack of exercise, nor merely time and humans changing him.

Think about it. For centuries, generations, human society has cultivated food, invented recipes, and used selective breeding and genetic modification over the course of millenias to achieve the state of fruit and vegetables that we have today.

Like, watermelons:

I want to really lean into how humans have cultivated fruits and vegetables for this ramble though because, that's probably what Macaque has always mostly eaten and will continue to eat most of the time (well, kind of, we'll add to that later).

Fruit has gotten sweeter over the years. Too sweet. And there have actually been articles written about how it's gotten so sweet to a point that animals in zoos literally cannot eat them because of their high sugar content.

What point am I making? I think Macaque has teeth problems lmao (someone please get this monkey to a dentist). Solely because of this.

But that's a little off topic 💀. Because back to the point I said earlier, Macaque probably eats more than fruit and vegetables now. But not any good stuff. He probably eats a lot of stuff that is high on sodium like, I don't know, cup noodles or, screw it, an entire jar of pickles. He uses the juice to brew his afternoon tea.

Side note: In contrast to Wukong's peach chips, I think it would be fun if Macaque really liked dried mangos or something. Or prunes. Raisins even. Dried banana crisps too. Guys do we think he would steal invest in a fruit dehydrator? I think he would.

Add all of this up together, and no matter how much training Macaque does, he won't get back to his prime with his modern diet, haha. For Wukong on the other hand (who shouldn't have been a part of this discussion in the first place but I do want to mention him again), he lives on Flower Fruit Mountain so, I'll give the place the benefit of the doubt that the fruits there aren't that cultivated to the point of over sweetness and, I'm sure there's only so much junk food Wukong could haul over to his mountain or, his shame temple.

But it's alright, we had to nerf Macaque somehow/j.

[sassyfrassboss]

The Post taste-tests Meghan Markle’s ‘acidic’ As Ever jam, ‘janky’ cookies and ‘bland’ tea

Ever since Meghan “Jam Is My Jam” Markle announced that a berry jam would be one of the first products released under what was then known as her America Riviera Orchard label, the world has eagerly wondered what the groundbreaking pantry goods actually taste like.

Today, The Post can exclusively report that the Duchess of Sussex’s “keepsake” packaged $14 raspberry spread — now branded As Ever, due to trademark issues — has a very familiar flavor.

“It tastes like the same kind of raspberry spread/jam/jelly/preserve that you can buy in any supermarket in the United States,” longtime Post food critic Steve Cuozzo said in an official taste test. “It tastes fine. Raspberry jam always tastes fine. There’s nothing unique about this.”

It’s one of nine As Ever products that the duchess launched last Wednesday.

The line, which also include teas, honey, baking mixes and flower sprinkles, sold out in less than an hour and created havoc for those desperate for a taste of Markle’s Montecito — by way of a gritty stretch of Hollywood that is home to the As Ever LCC offices, by way of parts unknown. (Meghan, your loyal subjects want to know: Will you be hit by tariffs?)

Wherever it comes from, the sweetness level of the “runny” fruit spread — as it must be called, according to FDA guidelines for sugar content — polarized taste testers.

It “has a really high acid profile, making it completely unenjoyable,” griped editor Zachary Kussin.

“I like [that] there’s not a lot of sugar, like with a Smucker’s brand,” said commerce reporter Emma Sutton-Williams.

The As Ever Shortbread Cookie Mix with Flower Sprinkles ($14) also garnered mixed reviews.

“I’ve tried a lot of shortbread cookie mixes out of a box and I’m always disappointed. I’m not disappointed with these,” said Sutton-Williams, declaring the treats an “A+.”

Still, she noted the cookies were time- and labor-intensive — requiring an hour in the fridge and two sticks of butter. (Has anyone checked Prince Harry’s cholesterol levels lately?)

“Did Meghan consult with Paula Deen? Because these are very butter forward,” said Post senior writer Jeanette Settembre, who baked them.

Kussin, for one, declared the cookie “brittle,” “insipid” and void of flavor: “It has the consistency of a hockey puck and the flavor of a hockey puck.”

But Cuozzo had some encouraging words, saying, “Meghan, Duchess, you’re in the ballpark.”

For columnist Kirsten Fleming, there was one big letdown: the now-infamous flower sprinkles that Markle cheerfully employs on her Netflix show “With Love, Meghan,” perhaps to distract from her abysmal knife skills.

As Ever’s $15 jar of edible dried flowers — which looks uncomfortably close to the potpourri you used to see next to bathroom sinks in the ’90s — was sold out within minutes. But hallelujah, a small packet of the flower sprinkles is included in the cookie mix!

Unfortunately, they were dull and too small to lend any legitimate pop of color.

“There was such a big deal made about them that I expected them to be like this pinata coming out of the cookie, and it just looks like a few colorful crumbs,” said a disappointed Fleming.

“Janky,” declared Settembre.

One thing all the taste-testers seemed to agree on was that the herbal peppermint tea ($12) was as bland and beige as the oatmeal-hued Jenni Kayne sweater Markle wears on her show — and promotes on her new ShopMy page (noting in small print that she may get a cut of the proceeds, natch).

It’s “understated, just like the royal family,” a diplomatic Sutton-Williams said of the hot beverage.

Kussin, a self-described “peppermint tea enthusiast,” called it bland and said it “could be a lot more minty.” He prefers the free Harney & Sons peppermint tea available in The Post offices.

“It’s not very strong, the flavor isn’t really there … it’s quite ordinary,” lamented Cuozzo of Markle’s tea. “If all it takes is making a product like this, then I want to be a duchess myself.”

So it tastes like shit…no wonder she sent the first batch to actors and actresses. They had to fake their approval.

[stormblaze13]

In my previous Post I talked about why getting Kids a rabbit is a bad idea, at least if its an impulse purchase for occasions such as Easter or Christmas.

In this Post I'd like to elaborate more on some Rabbit specific facts that might help you understand just why I don’t want people to gift animals for Easter.

1. Lifespan.

Many people think that Bunnies only live up to 4 or 5 years, but thats a massive misconception. Bunnies can actually get 8 - 12 years old, thats older than some dogs! (While I was an apprentice in a Vet Practice I recall a 14 year old Bunny that was still doing just fine.) They can get really old with proper food and care. Like Bianca here - who turns 10 this year.

Which means that getting a pair of bunnies, ideally means a 10+ years commitment, so you should critically consider if you can provide a home for an animal for so long.

2. Food and water.

Bunnies should not be given dry food, and no seeds or kernels. Their digestive and dental system is build to chew leafy greens like lettuce, cabbage and hard roots like carrots, parsnips and other vegetables like broccoli or cauliflower. Water should always be offered out of a stone or porcelain bowl, freshly each day, and it should be fully refilled whenever its empty.

A bunny's diet should consist to 60% of Fresh veggies and a bit of fruit, 35% hay, and 5% can be treats such as dried herbs, flowers or *Bunnysafe* dryfood. (Make sure its grainfree, breadfree and free of milkproducts or milkadditives as bunnies are lactose intolerant.) Additionally, seeds and kernels can destroy the roots of their teeth, which are made to grind and mush, something that doesn’t happen with the seeds. This can cause inflammations of the roots, abscesses and tooth deformations as well as give them gastro intestinal troubles.

If you're uncertain about what veggies and fruits a bunny can eat, here's a short list of the most common we feed at the shelter:

Lettuce:

Endivia lettuce

Chicorée

Radicchio

Lollo Bianco

Lollo Rosso

Lollo Bionda

Cabbage:

Pointed Cabbage

White cabbage

Red cabbage

Savoy

Kale

Broccoli

Cauliflower

Vegetables:

Cucumber (not too much, too much can cause diarrhea)

Radish

Horse radish

Carrots

Parsnips

Jerusalem artichoke

Pumpkin (small amounts)

Watermelon (savory treat in summer, always remove seeds before feeding)

Fruits:

Apples (an apple a day is okay for a pair of full grown bunnies, babies can be introduced with slices and slowly be fed more :))

grapes (seedless, green, can be fed without worry)

Banana (Small amounts as a treat now and then, contains lots of sugar, the peel should not be fed as it can cause constipation)

Cherries (MAXIMUM. 2 cherries per bunny, stoneless, too much can cause diarhea)

Berries can safely be fed as long as they are washed, rule of thumb should be maximum a handful though.

And for herbs, everything except for Chives can safely be fed, Chives, in greater amounts, can lead to kidney damage or even kidney failure.

Additionally bunnies shouldn’t be fed Rhubarb (toxic), Onions (certain enzymes in the onion break up the red blood cells causing rapid coagulation and in worst case even death), Garlic (toxic), Avocado (toxic), CHOCOLATE (Theobromin is a killer.)

What can be fed in tiny amounts (1-2 a week) is:

Pineapple - good for breaking up hair in the digestive system due to the Bromelain, mix 10ml water with 2-3ml pineapple juice.

Kiwi - good for the fur and helps break up hair in the digestive system, best fed during molting season, but only in small amounts due to the high sugar content.

Linseed (best fed as powder atop food) for coat and vitamin E, contains Omega-3s.

Chia seeds - (best fed as powder atop food) for vitamins and minerals.

A single rabbit can eat its own bodyweight in veggies in a day, so 1-2kg per day of leafy greens, cabbages and fruits are a must be. Food should always be served where the bunny goes to make its business as they do the loo where they eat. Might sound ew, but if you want a bunny thats mostly house-trained it's only recommendable. Treats are optional but should be small amounts only.

IMPORTANT: You quite literally cannot overfeed baby rabbits on leafy greens and fresh veggies! Throw the food in till the ground is covered, once its empty, throw in more. You cannot overfeed a baby bunny. The same thing goes for old bunnies by the way, they are seniors from 8 years on upwards and should always have some veggies to munch on.

3. Illnesses.

Myxomatosis and RHD 1&2 are the most known disease, but there are so many others too.

Bunnies are highly succeptible for gastro intestinal issues, teeth problems, ear infections, tumors and abscesses, chronic congestion, urinary tract infections caused by sediment in the urine (often caused by too much calcium in the food.)

And the one sickness that about 80-90% of domesticated rabbits carry: EC.

Encephalitozoon Cuniculi, an illness caused by parasitic bacteria (cuni cuniculi) in the bunny's head that can affect its nervous system and cause severe issues such as:

Mobility: Heike here has a lazy left rearleg, caused by an EC flare when she was just half a year old. She turned 2 in January.

Coordination: Elinor (white bunny on the left) is Nils Mom and EC positive. She has the typical cocked head posture that is one of the main symptoms of EC.

Internal organs such as the bladder: Babett needs to get her butt bathed 2-3 times a week because she is chronically incontinent and wets herself constantly.

And chronic congestion: Xena (Gray bunny) is chronically congested and gets her nose flushed with an ACC/NaCl mix daily, as well as daily inhalation treatment.

EC is not curable, it is only symptomatically treatable with a 21 day long Panacur and Vitamin B treatment, antibiotics are given to support the animal as well. Unfortunately EC can shorten a bunny's lifespan by several years depending on how bad the EC flare is. Similar to the Herpes virus in humans many bunnies carry the Virus without it ever breaking out.

4. Bunny safe toys:

Sticks - Maple, Oak, Hazel, Appletree and Chestnut are all very liked and Bunnies love to eat the leaf and bark - the pigments in the bark can make the Urine blood red, that is especially common with maple tree branches and leafs.

Wooden toys, unglazed and without chemicals, (stay away from Plastic toys, those can cause blockages or poisoning when the bunny chew them up) bast balls, paper boxes, straw and newspaper as well as digging boxes can make a bunny very happy!

[deluxewhump]

Pride of Princes

4. Forget Your Perfect Offering

Prev Masterlist

CW: medieval fantasy, torture mention, threat of execution, kissing, lightly implied sexual content, bed sharing, arguably dubious consent

As his physical state improved, the prince took him out of castle Blackmuir. Not far, but outside the keep, which he’d never seen since he arrived at night. Aedric showed him some of his favorite horses, who Roan fed cubes of sugar from his hand. He took him to the glass garden, a timber frame structure with walls and a roof of clear glass Aedric had commissioned for his second peaceweaver, Miline, so she could have southerly fruits year-round. Inside was an orange grove, and when Roan admitted he’d never tried one fresh, only dried, Aedric insisted he pull one from a branch and try it right there.

Despite the court undoubtedly knowing all about Roan Barrowfen’s refusal to convert, no one outside the keep gave him a second glance. Some would look at the prince, in his black and silver doublet and his kidleather boots, but that was because he was the prince. The late summer air was soft, and still warm. He thought of the raspberry bushes that grew on the southern walls of his own keep, and how they would be fit for picking now, the fruits ripe and swollen with sunlight.

As they sat on a bench in the grove, Aedric asked him questions about the reaches, about his father’s house. He wanted to know who shared his father’s stalwart loyalty to the Tercet, and who might be more inclined to the old ways. Roan was less than forthcoming, at first. If it was such a crime now, why would he implicate his own countrymen? Prince Aedric sensed the mood had grown uneasy, a little too close to an interrogation. He eased his questions. “I promise I don’t ask for any odious purpose,” he said.

Roan nodded curtly at the clarification. “Thank you.”

Prince Aedric was nothing if not clear. And Roan was starting to think he might be honest, too.

Every night, Roan found himself warm and dry in the prince’s suite, waiting for him to return. He assumed there was a litany of things that kept the prince busy during the day, though he never spoke of what. Only later would he understand what kept him out so late, returning only when it was long past dark and the candles were lit.

To avoid the scrutiny of those inside the keep, Roan took his meals at the table beneath the window in the prince’s rooms. He was afraid of wandering the keep by himself, even though the king himself had granted Prince Aedric full custody of him until his trial. The thought of recognizing a soldier, guard, or even worse, the pale-eyed cleric Alfonsus sent ice through his veins.

Sometimes it was a servant from the kitchens who brought his meals to him, sometimes a girl called Juliana, who Aedric said was Miline’s handmaid. He’d not yet met Esther, Miline, or Aedric’s young daughter, Esti. He supposed he was a prisoner on borrowed time, and it would be easier for them to ignore his presence. Perhaps Juliana was sent by Miline, just to bring back any details or gossip she could about him.

He’d begun sharing Aedric’s bed, but not intimately. He slept on the far right, and Aedric on the left, several feet between them that may as well have been a chasm, and never with the curtains drawn. Aedric insisted he sleep on the bed after he’d spent the first night on a stiff wooden couch. I won’t touch you, the prince had promised, and Roan had balked at the mere mention of intimacy between them, even if it was the lack thereof being mentioned.

But as one week turned to two, and his trial neared again, he began to wonder if Aedric might be sincere in his wish to help him. Roan still could find no ulterior motive behind his actions, unless it was some intricate court plot that was out of his reach. Aedric spoke more poorly of the Tercet clerics as the days went on, and his reasons for distrusting them were sound, even before Roan had entered the equation. This widening gap in power he’d spoken of was troubling him more than ever, and Roan wondered if maybe the stars had aligned to make him a catalyst for the prince acting in his own political best interest. If so, he’d like to curse them.

From across the vast bed, he asked, “did you intend for us to sleep together?”

“When?” came the prince’s reply.

“Before I upset the King, and everyone else. Was that your intention?”

The prince rolled in bed to face him. It was strange still, seeing him in just a loose-fitting, plain tunic. “Yes. But I thought you wanted to come. That has its own implications.”

“And did I meet your expectations?”

The prince grinned. “And exceeded them. I had no idea you’d commit treason immediately upon your arrival and then refuse to apologize.”

Roan huffed softly. He’d learned to take the prince’s jests for what they were—blunt but unserious teasing.

“You wanted a male peaceweaver, though? That was not something pushed on you for someone else’ convenience?”

“I think that would be a difficult thing to convince someone of, if they were not at all inclined,” said the prince. “I was very interested in you, specifically. They sent a portrait with that letter.”

Roan raised his eyebrows. He’d wondered these things for weeks, and it had been such a simple thing to ask, after all.

“What about you?” Asked the prince. “Do you have highly specific inclinations?”

“No. I think I might even have agreed to it, if I’d been asked. If I was not forced to convert, that is. That’s the problem. It’s not you.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you still want me in that way?”

Prince Aedric searched his eyes, a slightly crease appearing between his brows. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I might offer.”

The crease disappeared, replaced by a surprised exhale of laughter. “It would be well received, if you truly meant it.”

“How else would I mean it?”

“Mmm.” The prince rolled onto his back and turned his head to look at him. “You might offer it because you think I expect it, or that I will work harder to help you if you offer yourself to me in the meantime.”

“Would you?”

“No. I’m already doing everything I can think of. And some things others have thought of.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t want to tell you. Not because I want you in the dark, but because what you don’t know can’t hurt us.”

Roan’s relative ease curdled into a familiar, weighted dread. “You think they’ll hurt me again? And I’ll tell them things?”

“Not necessarily. And certainly not if I have a say in it. But… do you agree it might be best if I didn’t tell you the details?”

“Yes,” Roan said grudgingly. He was right.

“Did I sour something between us, just now?” asked the prince.

“No.” In fact, he might want it more than before. To bring back that feeling of ease, or the possibility of feeling some comfort or pleasure in this borrowed time of his. He would be shocked if Prince Aedric was rough or inconsiderate in matters of intimacy, especially considering Roan’s wounds from torture. Still, he would proceed cautiously. “How would it be, between us? If I offered?”

“However you wanted.”

Roan tamped down the nerves that wanted so much to rise. His wounds and bruises still pained him, but they were not so immediate and debilitating as they had been a fortnight ago. He could imagine enjoying Aedric’s touch, after spending time observing him, learning his disposition, his humor.

As if reading his mind, Aedric asked, “are you healed enough? Your injuries.”

He meant physically, of course. Though the other part was Roan’s larger concern. He worried his resolve would slip and he would not be able to bear a touch. The word injuries sounded wrong, too. It sounded accidental, and his were anything but.

“Can we try something… noncommittal?”

“Can I come over to you?”

Roan agreed, and the prince pushed himself closer so he was nearly touching him. “I think you’re very beautiful,” he said, and raised his right hand to touch the side of Roan’s face.

The movement was slow. He was prepared for it, and he did not flinch away. Other than the healer, everyone here had only touched him to hurt him as deliberately and strategically as they could. The prince’s hand was warm. It cupped his cheek, thumb stroking slowly near his mouth. “What would you like?” He asked.

Roan swallowed. “Is a kiss appropriate to ask?”

The prince smiled broadly. “Of course. Are you asking for one?”

Roan nodded into the prince’s hand, and was rewarded with a soft, affectionate kiss to his lips. The prince pulled back, still stroking his thumb on his face. “More?”

“Yes,” he said, and was given another, and another.

[affordablepunk]

How to DIY energy drinks for cheap

First, required reading: link to article

Energy drinks have a few vital components:

>sweetener

>flavor

>water

>caffeine

>bubbles (i never do that and don't know how)

Here are some of my favorite things to use:

>granulated sugar (sweetener)

>stevia leaf or granulated artificial sweetener (sweetener)

>kool aid (flavor, sweetener)

>loose-leaf herbs (flavor) (try hibiscus petal, chicory, even lemongrass and mint can be nice)

>lemon juice (flavor, preservative)

>kool aid (easiest flavor/sweetener combo)

Supplies you might need:

>kettle or pot for heating water

>tea strainer ball to keep your leaves out of the final product

>a nice ragu jar or old Gatorade bottle for pre-made stuff

>funnel for pourin

>ladle for scooping liquid into the funnel

Kaffn-8 or any other such liquid caffeine product will do you for caffeine. That brand is super easy and convenient. Kaffn-8 is my favorite for the quality and ease in dosing, as well as the value (15 bucks has lasted me 2 months of daily use).

I like to make a sugar-flavor concentrate, then assemble each glass as I need it. Sugar tastes better when melted with heat than when dissolved without heat, even once chilled. This also allows me to tweak caffeine content. Here is how to make it:

Fill tea ball with herbs (use about a handful or 1/2 cup for every quart of water, you're making it strong)

Heat water and pop the tea ball in

Simmer or keep hot for 10 min

Remove tea ball and turn off heat

While hot, add as much sugar as you had herbs, and mix until melted.

Mix in as much lemon juice (or other assorted acid or preservative) as you can stand. The more preservative, the longer it'll keep

Allow to cool enough to handle

Jar it up, put it in the fridge for later use. You can and should re-use all manner of bottle, just be wary of melting anything plastic or burning your hands w hot water.

A note: the smaller your batches, the less you waste. But high concentrations of acid and sugar keep it good for up to a month in the fridge.

To use: mix water in a cup with your syrup, tweaking concentrations until it tastes good. Add caffeine, measuring your dose carefully.

Then, do bubble magic to add carbonation if you can do that. Maybe you found a soda stream somewhere. If you don't have bubbles, you'll just have to enjoy your energy drinks flat.

And, you're all done!

Now, where to get everything:

(Grow your own herbs if you are mega brave. Mints are nearly indestructible little plants.)

Lemon juice, dollar store. Quality is the same, you've just got to shake it up.

if its a foreign grocer, they likely have herbs cheap. If its a Mexican grocery, they 100% have the best herbs. (Aguasfrescas drink mixes are cheap and THE BOMB, and hibiscus flower always comes in mega bulk) .

Herbalist and spiritual shops have herbs too, and are likely to have tea balls. Branch out! Catnip has been my favorite oddball herb.

Farmers markets also have some (like three if you're lucky) herbs, and you may have to dry them yourself. Since it's punk to reach out to your community, ask around at the farmers market to see if you can get any herb or dried flavorant that's on your mind- small businesses love consumer feedback! You just might have to wait for the plant to grow, heh, but if you're friendly then you'll make friends. Some examples: ask the jam bottler for dried fruit peels, the farmer for mugwort

I get my artificial sweeteners on closeout, my stevia from herbal shops, and my sugar at Walmart (bite me, its cheap and I'm poor).

Kaffn-8 can only be found online, as far as I'm aware. I promise I'm not sponsored, just a grateful caffeine addict.

Do Google your herbs for drug interactions if you take meds. Healthline has good info on herbs. Dried grapefruit rind can mess with my psych meds, for example.

Again, be careful about caffeine. Always dose your caffeine. Having high levels of caffeine on tap is a bit of a big responsibility: I know I nearly bit the dirt from the all-you-can-eat espresso bar at my college. Immaturity could kill you, caffeine is a drug. Count doses, never go above 500 a day, try not to go more than 200 in the same hour.

Now take that money you've saved and give it to a charity to blow a very mean raspberry at nestle. Or, yknow, feed yourself. Its a tough world.

[fatehbaz]

Christmas pudding [...] [is] a boiled mass of suet - a raw, hard animal fat [...] often replaced with a vegetarian alternative - as well as flour and dried fruits that is often soaked in alcohol and set alight. [...] [I]t is a legacy of the British Empire with ingredients from around the globe it once dominated [...].

Christmas pudding is a relatively recent concoction of two older, at least medieval, dishes. [...] “Figgy pudding,” immortalized in the “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” carol, appeared in the written record by the 14th century. [...] During the 18th century, the two ["plum pottage" and "figgy pudding"] crossed to become the more familiar plum pudding – a steamed pudding packed with the ingredients of the rapidly growing British Empire of rule and trade. The key was less a new form of cookery than the availability of once-luxury ingredients, including French brandy, raisins from the Mediterranean, and citrus from the Caribbean.

Few things had become more affordable than cane sugar which, owing to the labors of millions of enslaved Africans, could be found in the poorest and remotest of British households by mid-century. Cheap sugar, combined with wider availability of other sweet ingredients like citrus and dried fruits, made plum pudding an iconically British celebratory treat, albeit not yet exclusively associated with Christmas.

Such was its popularity that English satirist James Gillray made it the centerpiece of one of his famous cartoons, depicting Napoleon Bonaparte and the British prime minister carving the world in pudding form.

In line with other modern Christmas celebrations, the Victorians took the plum pudding and redefined it [...], making it the “Christmas pudding.” In his 1843 internationally celebrated “A Christmas Carol,” Charles Dickens venerated the dish as the idealized center of any family’s Christmas feast [...].

Three years later, Queen Victoria’s chef published her favored recipe, making Christmas pudding, like the Christmas tree, the aspiration of families across Britain.

Christmas pudding owed much of its lasting appeal to its socioeconomic accessibility. Victoria’s recipe, which became a classic, included candied citrus peel, nutmeg, cinnamon, lemons, cloves, brandy and a small mountain of raisins and currants – all affordable treats for the middle class. Those with less means could either opt for lesser amounts or substitutions [...]. Eliza Acton, a leading cookbook author of the day who helped to rebrand plum pudding as Christmas pudding, offered a particularly frugal recipe that relied on potatoes and carrots. [...] The high alcohol content gave the puddings a shelf life of a year or more, allowing them to be sent even to the empire’s frontiers during Victoria’s reign [...].

---

In the 1920s, the British Women’s Patriotic League heavily promoted it – calling it “Empire Pudding” in a global marketing campaign. They praised it as emblem of the empire that should be made from the ingredients of Britain’s colonies and possessions: dried fruits from Australia and South Africa, cinnamon from Ceylon, spices from India and Jamaican rum in place of French brandy.

Press coverage of London’s 1926 Empire Day celebrations featured the empire’s representatives pouring the ingredients into a ceremonial mixing bowl and collectively stirring it.

The following year, the Empire Marketing Board received King George V’s permission to promote the royal recipe, which had all the appropriate empire-sourced ingredients. Such promotional recipes and the mass production of puddings from iconic grocery stores like [Sains-bury's] in the 1920s combined to place Christmas puddings on the tables [...].

---

All text above by: Troy Bickham. "How the Christmas pudding, with ingredients taken from the colonies, became an iconic British food." The Conversation. 8 December 2023. [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me. Image and caption shown unaltered as they appear published by Bickham along with the article's text.]

[tanhands]

everyone you wanna be

for the klaine valentine's challenge. no content notes yet. 1

two: down without devotion

Blaine, as it turns out, is very very good at acting smitten.

He has a tendency to either over-hype himself or be humble to the point of performativity, rarely anything in-between, but with his promise to make a display of wooing Kurt he's right on the mark. Being stuck inside a slowly-deteriorating high school that's intended to test their cooperative survival skills doesn't provide much opportunity for the usual romantic gestures, flowers or candy or movie dates, but after three days of making eyes at Kurt and starting to spend more time with him, Blaine takes him on a picnic.

In the choir room, of course, because the piano's there, of course. The fact that it's one of the favoured and most highly-filmed locations is no nevermind, Kurt thinks wryly as Blaine unblindfolds him and slides from behind to in front of him, careful not to block Kurt's view of the blanket spread on the floor. "I know it's not much," Blaine says, and he reaches for Kurt's hands. "But I rounded up whatever I could to make it special, and what wasn't available, I made myself." 

"You used pom-poms for bouquets," Kurt points out, knowing immediately that this is going to become a new trend for cheap and cheerful decor, out there in the real world. When he'd made a pendant out of a chalk holder he'd found in one of the classrooms, that had become a hit with the merchandising team; Quinn had made a similar one out of a lipstick and claimed that she'd been independently inspired, but they all knew the truth. Kurt's still salty about that. 

"And crackers and cream cheese and dried apricots," Blaine announces. His hands move against Kurt's, and he's still holding the blindfold, the soft cloth catching momentarily here and there, distractingly, and Kurt tunes back in to hear Blaine telling on himself: "--nobody really wants to eat dried apricots. But they're good with the cheese and crackers." 

"I happen to love them," Kurt says. He doesn't, at all, and in fact has a faint sulphite allergy that's a crapshoot with dried fruit, but why spoil the fantasy they're giving the viewers? So far as they're concerned, Kurt would be happy to dine exclusively on a jewel box of dried apricots and cherries and kumquats all the livelong day, as if he's some storybook elf. Blaine takes his hand and leads him to the blanket (it has an enormous picture of Edward Cullen on it, which would make it awkward to know where to sit except that Blaine's thoughtfully placed the backpack of food squarely over his face), and after he settles Kurt down on one of the cushions he extracts a bottle of pineapple Fanta from the bag and holds it like it's wine, presenting it to be viewed. 

"Does Monsieur approve of the vintage?" he asks, and Kurt shimmies his shoulders and clasps one knee, matching Blaine's hoity tone when he declares, "Yes, yes I think so, a marvellous year for pineapple. Heavy on the apple, less on the pine." Blaine scrunches one side of his face in a snicker and pours for them both, into yellow Solo cups, and they toast before sipping. The shock of sugar and follow-up of faint pineapple is better than Kurt might have expected it to be, and he takes a deeper swallow, even swishing it a little around his mouth, and--

--and when he lowers his cup, Blaine's lips are tasting his. There's no other way to describe it; Blaine isn't hurried, but he's up so close that Kurt can get a slight whiff of the apple-scented gel he guards like a dragon for his own use, and one of his hands cups Kurt's bare elbow. This is fast, but they'd agreed on it as one of their ground rules for this game they're playing, that either of them was welcome to initiate the first kiss at a time that seemed tonally appropriate, a first kiss that would have the audience filming a plague of reaction videos in record time. 

So Kurt kisses back.

He lets his mouth open in a quiet exclamation and gets an answering hum from Blaine, who nudges in closer, whose lips are unexpectedly soft as his hand travels up on Kurt's arm to clasp him tighter. Kurt reaches for that spot on the crown of Blaine's head where he misses his curls with the gel and he curls his fingers into it, a thrill going through his back teeth at both the texture and the way that Blaine suddenly pants against his mouth in surprise, a matching throaty sound accompanying it. That's another note in Kurt's mental file, and he sweeps his tongue against Blaine's and forward, past those slightly prominent front teeth and deep, deeper, Blaine's other hand lifting to span against Kurt's side. 

When Kurt pulls back, Blaine's rosy along the crests of his cheeks and looking like he's had his Twilight blanket pulled out from under him, and Kurt finds he likes it. Both Blaine tipped a little off his usual sure-footedness, and the hot prickle of control winding through Kurt's own chest as he presses a thumb to Blaine's chin. "I managed to taste some of that pine, there," he says, and Blaine swallows and is leaning in again before Kurt has a chance to say anything else. 

All of this could be a very clever act, banking on the audience being drawn in by the tables turning when it comes to who's the pursuer and the pursued in their dynamic, but Kurt believes in his own ability to tell otherwise. And the way that Blaine's making small peppered noises as he pushes closer and closer, it's too unstudied for his usual polished performances. So Kurt responds by going more languid, closing off bit by bit, and by the time Artie and Rory and Tina come in, a clattering whirlwind of noise and interruption, Kurt pulls back entirely and wipes the bottom corner of his lip with the ball of his thumb. 

"Cream cheese?" Tina says, pouncing like a hawk on the picnic fare, whipping her glare between them like she's discovered them hatching a plan to sell organs on the black market. "I had to eat a bagel yesterday with Velveeta! There's been cream cheese this whole time? You denied me a shmear?" She shakes the tub of Philly at first Kurt, then Blaine, then announces, "I'm confiscating half of this, it's only fair," and Rory's busy crouched nearby collecting up dried apricots like they're gold coins, and Kurt decides he won't reach for the obvious comparison there since he's happy to see the apricots depart anyhow. 

"We weren't going to eat all of it, of course," Blaine lies smoothly, finally having shaken himself back into his usual apple-pie order. Artie snorts, accepting the fluted paper cup from the cafeteria that Tina hands him as she scoops a blob of cream cheese into it. "Uh-huh sure you weren't, y'all just brought it here by yourselves to what, have a couple licks and then return it to the communal fridge? Where we could ALL be licking it?"

"Licking, what--" Kurt begins, wondering how the hell the Abrams household consumes cream cheese, but Tina's already sealing the tub of it back up and she plucks the paper cup from Artie's cupped hands, depositing it on the blanket among the faintly stale Triscuits and stunning lack of dried apricots. "There. Lick away, lover boys, we're taking the rest of this back to where the decent bagel-eating public can access it."  

"That is way less than half," Blaine observes, pointing at their allotted cream cheese as the three other depart as noisily as they'd arrived, and Kurt blows out an exasperated breath. "Oh, who cares, they can have it. I've got the really important element of the picnic right here."

"But all the apricots are disappeared--" Blaine looks up from searching the blanket, half- and then fully-smiling as Kurt fixes him with a lifted eyebrow. "Oh. Ah. I see." 

He moves forward, eagerly pressing his mouth to Kurt's again, this time coming in hot and open and with more urgency than the tender exploration of before, and the faintly tropical sweet lingering in the crevices and pockets of their tongues and cheeks gives up its sugar, Kurt finding his way to the back of Blaine's collar this time instead of his hair. Now that Kurt's made that discovery, he's keeping it in his back pocket, a little something for sweeps week. The handsome charming prep undone with one clench of his dark curls. 

The others don't find out until the next day, because as much as the show is live, there's a short delay while the production team does their slap-chop ersatz edits before sending it out into the world wide web. They're doing laundry together in their working shower room (it works best if they all do it together, that way everyone is forced to wash their clothes and there's not another situation like Puck's thieving of other people's underwear) and Mercedes, scrubbing away in a sink, says, "Aside from the usual bullshit reactions to me wearing my hair natural now--" she reaches up with a soapy hand to run her fingertips along one of her braids, "--there was just one other topic of discussion in the forums, huh?" 

Brittany looks up from the tub where she's stomping her own clothes clean, swiveling at the waist in a washing machine motion though the water barely reaches her mid-calf. "Shh, Mercedes, we agreed we won't discuss the cult that worships Mike and names their babies different spellings of his name," she says, eyes wide, and Mercedes says, "Not that, I mean the newest smush pairing name."

"I still think Klaine doesn't sound as good as Twinkercest," Sugar says with the air of somebody who's tired of having this argument, slapping her blouse against one of the shower walls as Finn counters, "They're not related. You can't say 'cest' if nobody's related," and Rachel nods while Blaine protests, "I really don't think twink is that useful a term here, is it?" 

"The what that worships me?" Mike asks, alarmed. The question's lost in the ensuing shouting match, and nobody's laundry gets done.

[ratsoh-writes]

What kind of meals/food can you only find in Ebbott? (And be specific! Don't just say "magic" Ratsoh)

lets start with a list of all old (and some new) ebott only crops and animals:

Powder shrooms: these are gears favorite mushrooms. It’s a small honey colored mushroom with a black circle on the head. They have a very nice buttery taste and can be eaten raw but are best as stuffing for savory dishes. They get the name because they dry fast and the powder was used as flour for the nomads. They also grow like weeds and are easy to maintain

Snap root: it was showcased in the 1k event. It’s a spiny purple skinned root with a brown flesh. It gets its name from the way the vines “snap” up when sunlight hits it. The root has a lovely taste like a cross between pumpkin, sweet potato, and nutmeg and is mostly used in pies and sweet dishes

Crab “apples”: a fruit shaped like a crab. It’s technically not an apple despite the similar taste. It’s the most common fruit of the underground and the farmtale valley. The fruits are slightly sour and rarely larger than the palm of a small hand. The most common shape is the crab shape, but they also come in ducks, pyramids and spirals.

Flossy sticks: it’s a celery like vegetable. The plant looks like a normal leafy bush with very long stems, but as soon as you cut one stem off, it explodes into thousands of tiny floss like strands. They can be boiled into pasta, dried and powdered to be used as flour, or eaten raw. They have a crisp lemon and basil like taste.

Twigs: nobody knows why the vegetable is called this because it looks nothing like a twig. It’s a large orange long cucumber like vegetable. Normally about 3 feet long and 6 inches wide. It has a woodsy tea leaf taste to it. Also puréeing the flesh and mixing it with alcohol is what makes drinks that can temporarily change hair and eye color.

Lion lily: the fruit is named after the striking maned flowers that come before it. The flowers look like lilies but at the base of the flower is a fluffy golden “mane” of cotton strands. The fruit is the size of a tangerine and is golden and perfectly round with a large pit in the middle. It has an extremely sweet taste and soft juicy flesh. It’s so sweet it often doesn’t need sugar added when used in cakes and pies.

Golems salad: a massive fkn head of kale. Like this thing is freaking the size of a car. It’s a magical variety that grows when eight heads of kale are planted in a circle, and carefully nurtured by a golem monster each day. The result is that monstrosity. Overnight the kale comes together, morphing into one plant and will grow to monstrous sizes. It’s said the bigger the salad the stronger the golem

Tumblers: it’s identical to a normal cabbage and tastes like a normal cabbage, but if you wait too long to harvest it, it will literally jump out of the ground and run away at the vibrations of footsteps. It also hisses.

Sweet salt: a spice from the underground that is ground from the seeds of the fir trees that grow in snowdin. It’s very sweet and is described to taste like a blend of brown sugar, cinnamon and black pepper. Tastes like gyftmas

Gyftmas ornaments: the same seeds you can get from snowdins fir trees can also be peeled and pickled. They make a lovely sweet sour treat and are usually dyed to match gyftmas colors.

Tarotile: a flat leaf from a magical plant related to poison ivy. The plant is toxic to humans but delicious to monsters. It’s banned outside of ebotts shores, and has to be labelled very clearly before being sold. Monsters describe it as tasting like a delicious wild berry blend but with a leafy texture. Makes a delicious tea and is wonderful in sweet salads

Sea eggs: an ebott only variety of seaweed will grow these pockets of soft cucumber like fruit in the stalks. Reportedly all the sea monsters have seen and harvested this plant before the crash. It tastes a bit more sour and citrusy than a normal cucumber but has all the texture and water content of one. Weirdly enough there’s nothing magic about this plant. It just likes ebott

Cattails: not to be confused with the non magical reeds that grow near water, cattails is a popular vegetable grown in ebott. It prefers dryer land, only wanting water every few days. It resembles a golden long grass, and when it’s ready to harvest, the grass ends open up to reveal a fluffy thick fiber inside. The result is a pretty feathery plant resembling a cats tail, hence the name. Pull the fibers and on the ends are little grains that are boiled to use a porridge, a flour substitute, or the binding agent of ebotts famous lion jello.

Heartyheads: a thick leafy bush, what makes it classed as magic is that it literally turns into rose quarts when exposed to fire. But it’s not reliable as a source of quarts since it slowly turns back when cooled down. The young leaves can only be eaten raw but are an amazing source of iron and are said to help with inflammation. This plant can only be killed by being dug out of the ground and left to dry out.

Fizzlers: a tomato like plant that grows small baby tomato sized pink, purple and blue fruits (ornamental ones only for blue) the fruit is a key ingredient in fizzy drinks in place of carbonation. The fruit produces lots of bubbles when exposed to water. They’re delicious and taste just like that fake grape flavor humans love

Gauzeberries: a berry that came from the outer-AUs. They all say they found the mysterious bush growing on the asteroids of the asteroid belt they orbited. The bush has silver white leaves, is very small, rarely growing higher than 2 feet, and produces small white berries encased in a gauzelike silk pouch. The plant only grows in cold temperatures and must be kept in fridge rooms with natural sunlight any month except winter. The berries have a crisp grape like taste and when eaten, causes one to float a few inches off the ground for an hour

Rougish grapes: this is a grape variety developed by two monsters from birdfell, and the rights bought by harpy. It’s a very large crimson red grape, each individual fruit nearly the size of an apricot, and is able to be harvested from summer to fall. The grapes have a sweet but peppery taste and are best fermented into wine. They are also proven to be amazing with hair loss.

Baited breath: a small thistle-like herb that grows beautiful thorny blue flowers. The flowers when they open in the mornings make a sighing noise, like someone exhaling. The seeds of this plant are sweet and aromatic, so are often added to a wide variety of dishes. They were also historically chewed on to clean teeth and are known to help humans and monsters alike recover from cavities

Dragons breath: the larger cousin to bated breath, this large thistle like herb grows to five feet and can make thorny black flowers the size of a humans head. The dragons breath flowers let out a brief puff of flame when they open in the morning, and their seeds are large and spicy in flavor. A very popular snack through all of ebott. They are also ground into a spice called dragons hoard.

Whimselites: this is a small bundle of leaves on a whimsot plant, a low growing vine. It was found in every underground au, and continues to be grown and harvested in the underground. If new leaf growths aren’t harvested, eventually the little bundles open up and pop off the mother plant to start a new one. They go great in salads and taste a lot like rocket leaves.

Snails Bane: the plant looks like a rock, but if you step on it, it’ll squish down secreting a snail like slime. It’s also very toxic to snails and should never be kept near them. The plant when cooked, is cut open and left to dry in the sun, before being sliced and put into stews as a flavoring agent. It tastes like chicken and is a favorite among ebotts vegetarians.

Loomy runners: a small magical radish that has two large roots at the end of its bulb. When exposed to fire, the radish will stand up on its roots and run away like a wobbly baby learning to walk. It must be cut up in pieces before being eaten, and sometimes the radish pieces will still flip around in the oven so covered baking dishes are recommended

Garwins Gourd: a large twisted gourd native to farmswap, garwins gourd is an attractive flamingo pink color when ripe and has a sweet taste not unlike a sweet potato. It can be cut up and puréed for pies or stews, boiled and mashed, or sautéed, but it cannot be eaten raw as heat is needed to bread down the thick fibers of the raw vegetable. The gourd also can be dried and is used as a cute storage container by many farm monsters. In recent years, fans of the plant have been able to grow yellow and orange varieties

Bloodroot: edible by monsters, but must be strained several times to be safe for human consumption, bloodroot is a thick large carrot like root that “bleeds” a crimson liquid when cut. The root eaten on its own tastes like a woody earthy grape mixed with a parsnip. It strangely smells like beef until cooked. The reasons for this is that the plant uses an animals digestive tract to strip the thick outer coat on its seeds. And when they come out the “other end” they can safely sprout when freed from their confines. Carnivorous animals are drawn to the root

Claymore mushroom: if directly stepped on by something heavy, this large blue grey mushroom will explode into large chunks catapulted into the air at speeds of up to 15 mph. It’s native to the factory monsters and farm AUs. The farmtale monsters made a winter sport of catapulting the mushrooms before the crash. The mushroom can be safely harvested by cutting it at the base of the stem, rendering it non-exploding.

Triangle of the coast: a magical cousin to broccoli and cauliflower, the triangle is a triangle shaped broccoli like growth that grows directly in the sand of beaches, and is farmed along a section of ebotts coastline in the winter months. The vegetable is a yellowish green color and tastes just like young broccoli. And for some reason, when picked, it secretes a pheromone that attracts crustacean sea creatures. so it’s also used as fish bait and a vegetable

Ferris-weeds: a cousin to the yarrow herb, Ferris weeds are a magical variety native to the farm and Drake AUs. It’s a tall growing herb, reaching up to 10 feet in height, and has a beautiful pale pink flower in the spring and summer. It’s mainly used to line fences as decor, but the flowers can also be eaten raw, pickled, or sautéed. What makes it magical is that it’s known to provide a full days worth of vitamin D in one meal, no matter the amount of flowers eaten. No one knows how the plant accomplished this

Pygmy pomegranates: this trees only been an official breed in the last five years. Developed by a monster from farmtale, Pygmy pomegranates are a cross breed between crab apples and standard pomegranates. They are perfectly dome shaped with a circle top and a completely flat bottom. The fruit is small, onky the size of a child’s fist, and full of orange pomegranate seeds with a purple skin. They taste just like a normal pomegranate

Deaths pearl: a small bundle of leaves, found deep in the ocean. The roots and lower halves of the leaves are pitch black, while the tips are a transparent blue. The vegetable gets its name from seafell, where a fraction of monsters fought to the death with a sea creature for a patch of the plants. This vegetable is completely edible from its roots, leaves, stems and seeds. It tastes very similar to celery mixed with cucumber. Nowadays it’s cultivated by sea monsters all along ebotts coast and is considered a staple vegetable due to being able to grow year round.

Star seeds: contrary to the name, this is not from the outer AUs but was an underground crop. The seeds of an echo flower are the plants only edible part, and are ground into a fine iron filled flour. They’re rather bitter though, so bread made from them nowadays is often paired with cheese to flavor it.

Spiderbloom: pollinated only by spiders, this plant flowers in the fall and produces fruits in the winter. It creates an eerie black and purple blossom who’s pollen only sticks to spider silk in order to pollenate. The fruits have a soft flesh and taste a bit like figs and blueberries.

Golden flowers: a favorite of the royals, and ebotts national flower and crop. Golden flowers are a beautiful gold magic buttercup that can be dried and turned into tea. They have a lovely effect of softening the hair and skin, and humans claim the tea helps with acne. It’s delicious, sweet and has small hints of lemon in the taste. The flowers are mostly indoor plants as they burn up in direct sunlight.

Mandrakes: a four point magical root that screams when unearthed, the mandrake root is extremely popular for its soft potato like flesh, and the large lineup of nutrients it holds. It’s often mashed, used as a potato substitute, or thrown into stews and soups. It’s a popular baby food as well as its mild taste is comforting for kids, and the quality of it helps parents ensure picky eaters get what they need in a meal

Frog stool mushroom: a large aquatic mushroom resembling a lily pad. It’s found in shallow freshwater areas like lakes and larger parts of streams. This large mushroom is nutty in flavor and is often planted in ponds by farmers for not only its flavor, but also to filter the water on their property to make it safe for the animals to drink. It’s recommended to only eat the small young ones as the large ones after so many years of filtering are more waste than nutrients.

Fishweed: a seaweed that grows along the seaside cliffs of ebott. It’s named after its strong fishy smell. It’s dried and cut into strips and eaten as a snack like jerky or chips

Pearwood tree: this tree has a beautiful bark pattern in the shape of sliced pears. When dry, the bark begins to chip and is easy to peel off. The bark can be infused into drinks giving a crisp grape and lettuce flavor, and has the magical effect of making harmless sparks come out of one’s mouth when they speak. Because of the attractiveness of the trees bark, and the pretty pale green fir spines as leaves, it’s also a popular garden ornament plant as well as a crop

Cinderpetals: a small magic herb with red tipped star shaped leaves. This plant as a defense mechanism will burst into flame when the leaves are picked off. Don’t be alarmed though, the fire is harmless and even adds to the flavor as many monsters say. The leaves have a crisp almost citrusy flavor and are put into potions, drinks and energy tonics due to their natural caffeine content.

Boarberry: it was only seen in horrorfarm and drakefell before the crash. It’s a wild berry bush that parasites off of trees, growing on the sides of the trunks. The berries are a creamy pale green and taste like a bitter plum. They were traditionally used to flavor meads, and were made into jams, pie fillings and baked into breads.

Honeybeans: a climbing magic bean plant that only grows near beehives. It will grow around the hive protecting the bees by secreting pheromones that deter would-be predators, and in return it feeds off the honey as well as the soil near the hive and sunlight. Because of this, the beans are deliciously sweet, tasting like caramel but with the buttery texture of a Lima bean. What makes this plant magic is that when seeds are planted, it seems to summon bees to it. Bees will abandon hives to start building around the bean, or if that’s not convenient enough, the bugs actually uproot the plant itself and Carries it to the hive in an amazing show of teamwork

Silver bells: a droopy vine with silver tipped leaves. It grows a berry like vegetable that resembles a tomato, but with a blue grey skin and a deep purple flesh. The magic fruit entices one to eat it by “calling” its harvester with a tinkling bell noise. The vegetables when hitting each other sound like the light clinking of metal. The vegetable is rather tasteless save for a faint cabbage flavor. It’s very beneficial to bone growth though and is highly recommended that young growing children and the elderly eat some every week.

Ground cherries: a strange magical fruit tree that grows its fruit beneath the soil. The very tip of the small cherry sized fruits are visible peeking through the dirt when they’re ready for harvest. They taste like blue. Some college human students say it’s the closest they’ve ever gotten to the taste of blue Gatorade in ebott

Ebott-only livestock:

Greater turkey: like the name suggests, this is just a massive variety of turkey. The birds can reach the size of cows. Naturally they’re a breed made by the farm AUs. They’re slowly becoming more popular as a holiday food for larger families. Last gyftmas broke the record of greater turkeys slaughtered and sold in one season. Thankfully for the farmers, these birds were bred for temperament as well and are quite gentle and docile

Jimmy crickets: they were previously called roasting crickets, but one witty monster renamed his after Disney started streaming in ebott, and the rest copied him as the bugs became a popular food for kids. It’s a magical variety of cricket that was cultivated underground. They eat moss, and are high in iron, copper, and folate. They’re brightly colored, most normally a bright red. They taste a bit like bacon bits.

Struggle grubs: like the name suggests, this bug was cultivated to be cheap, year round and plentiful. It’s a comfort food for many underground monsters who lived through poverty before the crash. The grubs will eat anything hence why they were labelled as “poor food” as underground they were fed mainly trash. Nowadays farmers feed them much healthier foods and the grubs are much better quality.

Riding/battle boars: funny enough, this type of domesticated hog was only found in horrorfell and drakefell before the crash. Many think that there’s a special connection between the two AUs cause this isn’t the only thing they share. In drakefell they were known as riding boars and were used to pull carts and plows, for eating and dairy, and battle of course. In horrorfarm they were only war animals, used to sniff out enemies and ram through enemy lines. The boar is intelligent like a dog, easily trained, and has an amazing sense of smell. They’re still used as farm hand animals to help plow and de-bug fields. The females can be milked and the cheese made from that milk is very heavy and fatty. They taste like pork, but because of their sacredness to the drakefell monsters and humans, it’s considered a big dishonor to eat one that didn’t die of natural causes.

Lesser deer: a small goat sized deer only found in ebott, they were originally found in the nomads forest. They’re very passive creatures and easily domesticated. Many farms are beginning to add them to livestock because of the delicious soft meat on the animals, and their varied diets.

Rolland’s horned snail: a large cow sized snail bred by the Rolland family from farmswap. The snails on average are the size of draft horses and can weigh nearly a ton. They’re bred purely for their meat and the shells are also sold as decoration, or ground as a binding agent mixed into cement. The snails are fed mainly sawdust, dried grass, and weeds. It takes nearly 20 years for one to reach full size though.

Pearled salmon: a freshwater salmon native to ebott, it can be caught wild or bought from a hatchery. The scales look like pale pink and white pearls underwater, but turn grey when dry. The salmon has a white flesh and the taste is subtler than normal salmon.

Ice pips: this is a thin needle like magic fish that loves cold temperatures so much it creates its own chill. Any room the fish is kept in stays just cold enough to freeze the top of the water in its tank, but not so cold to freeze the whole tank. It is a farmers essential for any farmers who want a proper freezer basement or shed. Almost every farm monster owns a tank of them as it’s much cheaper to feed a few fish crickets every couple days than it is to pay electric for a large shed/room. Rancher and peaches have a tank of pips in their basement, and harpy has a whole massive storage shed cooled by her own tank.

Gremlins: small quail sized ugly little creatures that resemble a cross between a toad, gopher and pug, with wrinkled faces, round bodies and bumpy hairless skin. These little creatures are extremely easy to train and are used on farms to control bug pest levels. They are also slowly gaining popularity as a household pet because of their friendly natures. What makes this animal magic is its tongue which can stretch and shoot out nearly 12 feet at a time in pursuit of a big. Which is clearly magic as the tongue is only a few inches long when resting in the body, and when (gently) pulled by an outside force, it barely gets out of the mouth. A gremlin is edible as well, tasting like chicken by most reports, but farmers who raise them dislike eating the critters as they often can’t help but start viewing them as family.

Land shrimp: it’s literally a shrimp that survives on land. They’re fast breeders and must be kept indoors to prevent an outbreak. They’re fed a mixture of grain, oats, bone, and unwanted meat cuts. The magic shrimp will resort to cannibalism if not fed on time, so require dedication to raise. And yes, they taste like normal shrimp

Smithers basilisk: a long bodied lizard that’s roughly the size of a basset hound, the Smithers basilisk’s true origins are unknown, but have been a common livestock animal for generations among the Drake monsters and humans. The large lizards have a poison sack behind the eyes that are removed after they hatch for safety purposes. They’re raised for a number of reasons: their scaled hides make great leather, the eggs are large and females can lay year round if there’s a male in the pack, and they’re great ratters. So many farmers keep a few to help control the pests on their farm.

Jeweled scarabs: both an animal raised as livestock and a popular pet, these palm sized beetles have stunning shells in a beautiful glossy array of colors looking just like crystal. They’re raised primary for the shells which are harvested when the beetles die of old age. The shells are broken and polished to be used as jewelry, decoration, tile and even used in pottery and glazes. They have a short lifespan of just 2 years sadly, hence why they don’t beat out snails as the most popular pet. The bodies of the beetles are also ground and used as feed for other animals needing protein in their diets.

Roc birds: a poultry bird native to the bird AUs, this was a fat flightless bird that is accustomed to living on rocky cliffs. It has very strong talons and legs in order to climb and move around safely. And a huge oversized beak strong enough to break rocks. The birds are about the size of a duck and have grey speckled feathers. They were bred for their eggs and meat, the hens laying several a day. But they’re difficult to raise as they’re aggressive.

Wooly snails: these snails are about the size of a standard goose when fully grown, and the shells grow a thick fur that needs to be peeled off every few weeks to keep the snail comfortable and mobile. The pelts are then throughly washed and used for clothing, pillow filler, and all other kinds of things. The snails come in a variety of colors with white being the most common, but also a powder blue and lilac. They’re raised mostky by monsters at the top of ebotts mountain range as the snails need cool temperatures to be healthy

Dwarf rock bees: ebott’s special bee variety, the only bee known to be underground. The dwarf rock bee resembles a black fluffy bumblebee, but is so small it can barely cover Abraham Lincoln’s face on a penny. The bees will only create hives in stone structures (or around a honey bean plant) and hives can host millions of bees at a time. The tiny fluff balls are stingless and extremely prone to predators as they had very few underground. When alarmed, they make a shrill buzzing noise together, and copy a frequency that they know scares animals away. For most hives, that means turning their buzzing into a car alarm. Some enthusiasts of the bee keep them indoors in smaller controlled hives and have even trained the bees to copy songs that are repeated often around them. And of course they make honey

Alrighty! There are three ways one can make magical food!

1: it’s a learned magic to add intent to food. Every monster learns it as children. It’s just one of those things your parents are supposed to teach you, like driving or how to clean.

Intent affects the foods taste and sometimes even gives it mild healing properties. So someone making a batch of cookies with a lot of love and passion can make some hecking fine cookies. However there’s a limit. Pour too much passion (or any type of intent really) and you’ll burn the food. Even if you’re not using heat to cook.

This is why undyne regularly nukes her kitchen

2: plants can become magical after several generations of being exposed to magic. That’s why the underground was able to host so many plant varieties despite the lack of sunlight. This can’t really be controlled since it happens randomly. Any food cooked with the plants has magical properties as well

3: the farmtale monsters have perfected earth magic over the centuries. Any native born farmtale monster has the ability to bond to the land they own and produce much higher quality, quantity, and magical produce. This includes animals too. They become more docile, intelligent, and produce more. The magical skill of bonding to your land is seen as familial magic and can only be passed down through blood

And finally, some famous drinks and dishes only found in ebott!!!

Gauzeberry freeze: the expensive but delicious drink consists of milk, shaved ice, honey, blueberries, coconut and of course gauzeberries. It’s sold only in special occasions like national holidays. Otherwise the only way to get it is to make it at home, which is quite difficult due to the nature of gauzeberries. It does make one float a few inches off the ground for an hour after drinking

Fries and bits: mixed bugs, most commonly crickets, are cleaned and fried with potato wedges, and in fancier dishes, onion rings and fried artichoke hearts are added. It’s a greasy but delicious meal and many fried fast food places sell this dish

Boars honor stew: a dish coming from drakefell. When a drakes boar dies, whether from old age, an injury, or sickness, never intentionally slaughtered for food, their burial ritual for the animal is to stew it in a massive pot filled with potatoes, other root vegetables, blood root, boar berries, dragons breath and a load of mushrooms. The boar is carefully cleaned, and the blood used to fertilize the drakes, or communities crops. Then the animal is put in the pot whole and stewed for around four days before being passed around and eaten. It’s a dish meant to be shared, not bought. So to be offered some is a great honor

Roc on rocks: it requires a roc bird for the traditional version of the dish, but chicken will do too for a close substitute. The breast meat of a roc bird is thinly sliced and marinated in an orange citrus sauce for a few hours. Then traditionally a flat rock is heated up, and the thin slices are cooked on top, then laid on a bed of cabbage and thinly sliced carrots before being served. However pan frying is a safe at home substitute if one doesn’t have a big rock and outdoor campfire

Golden pearwood tea cake: goldenflowers and pearwood bark are dried and made into tea. The tea must be strained and left in the fridge to chill while the cake base is created. It’s preferred to use a nut flour like almond or hazelnut. The cake flour is then moistened with the tea, and a light honey glaze is added on top when it comes out of the oven

Cinder-spark: a popular energy drink brand made in ebott from cinderpetals. It comes in three flavors: jalapeño, spicy strawberry and electric orange. All flavors are spicy with electric orange being the mildest. Never drink more than two a day

Treasure chests: a shiny beautiful salad dish of heartyheads, leafy greens, beets, sea eggs, deaths pearl, and topped with cooked pearled salmon. It’s a beautiful colorful dish and a favorite at seafood restaurants along seashore. And it’s extremely nutritious

Snaproot pockets: like the name suggests, it’s a little baked pouch filled with puréed snaproot. It’s created with either mochi flour or cattail flour, the little flour pouch is filled with mashed or puréed snap root, and is topped with seeds like sesame after being baked. This dish can also be made with pumpkin and garwins gourds instead of snaproot.

Lions jello: made from boiled cattails, and infused with goldenflower tea, this is ebotts national desert. The cattails make an attractive milk white jello with a light airy taste, and the goldenflower adds flavor and speckles of gold inside. It’s a beautiful dessert and is a favorite of many of the royals

Snail pie: ebotts national dish: this is a pie filled with cubed snail meat, pearled onions, garlic, many spices to taste, and spinach. The pie is baked like a normal pot pie and is usually topped with seeds for better looks. Mini versions are sold at festivals and food trucks, and kids in public school get mini snail pies on Fridays for lunches.

Silver broth: made from boiled silver bells and bones, this broth is a popular soup base because of its mild taste, and is highly recommended that parents use it when cooking for their children as it promotes healthy bone, teeth and ecto growth. In winter months too, it’s sold alone as a savory drink with sliced dried mushrooms and spring onions as an alternative to sugary hot drinks

Wailing baby mash: it’s a terrible name but parents seem to think it’s funny. Mandrakes are mashed with other veggies (and often a bit of silver broth is added) to make a soft baby food safe for monsters and human babies old enough for solid food. It has a mild taste which is pleasant for kids. Many parents used mashed mandrakes in place of mashed potatoes well into their kids childhood as a healthier and cheaper alternative

Goths on toast: another terrible name, Asgore really sucks at naming things, and he’s to blame for this one as the creator asked him to endorse the dish. A delicious spread is made from the fruit of a spiderbloom, blackberries and dark or ground cherries. The fruit spread is spiced with a hint of cinnamon and nutmeg and spread on bread as a sweet morning breakfast. It’s often paired with fancy cheeses and is served as a dish to show off your class. No charcuterie board in ebott is complete without this spread

Pigment potion: twigs mixed with alcohol creates a magic drink that can change the color of one’s ecto, hair/fur and eyes. The more diluted the drink, the shorter the effect. And to control what color the drink becomes, it needs to be hand made with a certain color in mind. A drink of magic, intent and booze. Any sort of alcohol does fine so usually cheap wine is used. And in festivals, watered down versions are allowed to be sold to children as long as a parent is present

Gyftmas cookies: of course they have to be baked with sweet salt. These brown cookies are made with the sweet salt spice, molasses, plain flour and honey. They’re decorated of course and are part of a popular gyftmas tradition called the cookie trade. At parties, each family shows up with a plate of cookies, and they go around having to swap one of their cookies on the plate for one from another’s family. By the end of the party, they go home with a plate from multiple families.

Crabby patties: this name was popular way before SpongeBob was introduced to ebott. There was a fierce legal battle between Marcelo and Nickelodeon for him to keep the name of the popular dish sold at his grocery stores. He just barely won, and the name is only allowed to be used with free reign in ebott lol. Crabby patties are smoked crab apple thinly sliced and pickled, then placed on a slab of either cooked snail or cooked hamburger patty. The bun is traditionally wrapped cabbage leaves, but bread buns are more popular on the surface these days. Every hamburger place has a crabby patty burger on their menu.

Fae floss: pasta from boiled flossy sticks is topped with a thick brown sauce made from goats cheese, powder shrooms, and finely chopped herbs. Other mushrooms are added to the pasta and often bugs like grubs, chopped beetles or worms are added. If bugs aren’t your cup of tea, shredded chicken is fine instead

Mead of lady magic: this mead is flavored with pomegranate seeds and honey beans to make a rich mild drink. It was also used in rituals by the temple monsters before the crash, and is still considered a holy drink by them. Only made and drank on sacred days.

Sun therapy: this light sandwich is made with pickled Ferris weed flowers, salami and mozerella cheese. The sandwich is toasted and topped with more cheese. A delicious meal full of vitamin D

Tarotile cheesecake. A plain slice of cheesecake, colored a deep forest green by adding Tarotile to the cooking process. The cake tastes like a wonderful wild berry blend according to monsters, but is highly toxic to humans and mages. Any one who dares sell it to a human without signed consent can be arrested and held for trial on attempted bodily harm.