#drew giving orders while quite literally dying himself

[doctorofmagic]

My thoughts on What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The very title of the episode sends a shiver down my spine. And this is where we’re going to start.

~ long post under the cut ~

A year ago, I wrote this post as an attemp to dive into one of the most important traits in Doctor Strange’s personality: love. Stephen is a being made of love, made to love, no matter which interpretation you have when you watch Infinity War. If you don’t read comic books, you’ll understand the moment you meet Donna. You’ll begin to understand how her death reshaped his entire subjectivity out of fear of failing, being powerless and unable to control everything around him (especially death), thus the arrogant and yet a disaster of a man we all know.

Where do I even start? Stephen loved her sister deeply and felt responsible for her death. And then, slowly, he also lost his parents and his brother. He fell in love with Clea but he also pushed her away. He loved Zelma platonically and lied to her, which was enough for them to break their bond. He felt attracted to Kanna but screwed things up, even though they remain friends. He was forced to kill the Ancient One, the only father figure he had ever since his father died. And lastly, the only person who would never leave his side... also left. Yes, even Wong. Stephen has SO much love to give but he’s also afraid because he’s cursed. He truly believes his love in poison. And would you look at that? What If really delivered a story where this is actually true.

What If Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The level of understanding when it comes to the character is... inconceivable. What could possibly reshape Stephen into following a dark path but love? The very premise of the whole episode. This is so much more than a love letter. This is literally too much, in all senses.

Fine, let’s begin.

What if the best of intentions has very strange consequences?

No. You used the word “strange” for the pun but this is not the word. Nah-ah. I’d go with ATROCIOUS, for starters. Things are gonna escalate so quickly, my friends.

Seriously, tho? Christine is SO SO SO SO beautiful, they’re so cute together. I have this feeling that MCU!Stephen was quite toxic because of his arrogance and this is why they didn’t work out. But WhatIf!Stephen???????? He’s always praising her, teasing her in a healthy way, respecting her and listening to her. HE TRULY LOVES HER, I’M GONNA CRY ALL OVER AGAIN, PLEASE, NOT THE CRÈME BRÛLÉE, PLEASE

I’m going to leave this shot here because we need to go back to it later. Hold that thought.

And bonus points to “Yeah, well, I would call that quite remarkable.” / “Well, I would say the same about you.”

GODS. THE PAIN. STOP THE PAIN.

So in this reality, Stephen didn’t caused the car accident because he was checking his phone while driving. Also it was not the reckless attempt to pass the truck. Well, maybe it was the consequence of this act? The fact is, the car behind them loses control, which makes them crash. Does it matter? We’ll learn later that no, it doesn’t.

And yep... Christine dies. Have you noticed the shattered heart? Ah, the pain only gets better and better.

Again, Stephen blames himself. More than anything, this is so important because Stephen is all about guilt. We still need to meet Donna so we can add yet another layer of guilt. But the feeling exists. This is what corrupts Stephen’s heart and soul in all his iterations. This is what makes him the character I love so much. I love this SO. MUCH. In addition, his stubbornness to accept his condition. Man won’t take a no. This, this is Doctor Strange in character. Stop complaining about NWH Stephen, it’s pathetic.

Okay, “grief-stricken”, Stephen found the Mystic Arts and became a sorcerer. That’s when he learned about the Time Stone, the Eye of Agamotto and Dormammu. Nothing changes, he saves the universe. But time does not heal his deepest wound.

I love Wong so much. Every time Wong does something, the world is healed. Really. We’re going back to him as well but for now I’ll just leave this shot.

BUT STEPHEN, DOING SOMETHING RECKLESS? HE’D NEVAH

Aaaaaaaannnnnnd then he did.

He goes back in time. It’s been two years since he lost Christine. I think he reacted pretty nicely, despite the circumstances. Now let’s go back to that shot I said I was saving for later.

Stephen is so light-hearted here. Also, during the first time he lost Christine, he had no idea what “The Price is Right” was. He knows now, which means he probably tried to learn more about the show because of her, because of grief. HAHAHA MORE PAIN

AND THEN HE

AND THEN SHE DIES AGAIN

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING BACK IN TIME

AND SHE KEEPS DYING

AND THE MUSIC

AND HIS VOICE

AND HE TRIES TO CHANGE FATE BUT IT CAN’T BE AVERTED

HE EVEN TRIES TO STAY AWAY FROM HER LIFE BUT SHE DIES ALL THE SAME, WHY

AND EVERY TIME THEY CRASH, HE FEELS THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, WHY

I’M-- *ugly sobbing noises*

Apparently, not.

And this scene when he simply... closes his eyes before she dies again...?

This is where this episode had me in endless tears. It got me the four times I watched it. I’m dead serious.

Okay, so, next the Ancient One appears to Stephen, explaining that Christine’s death is an Absolute Point in time. It cannot be changed. Stephen needs the accident to become the Sorcerer Supreme and defeat Dormammu.

And this is where Stephen starts his journey into darkness. “Nothing is impossible, you taught me that. I only require more power.” Disobeying the Ancient One, Stephen then travels in time, seeking the Library of Cagliostro. Now, if you’re not aware of that, Cagliostro was a sorcerer who studied time in comics, and later became Sise-Neg (there’s a recent post on this because of the new Defenders run). It’s funny to think that Sise-Neg also destroyed the world when he became a god, however he grew past his pettiness and remade reality. Stephen did not possess such power, as we’re about to see.

PS: “Stop torturing yourself, Stephen.” Naur but he should use this line like a mantra. Especially comics!Stephen.

Not gonna lie, tho. This place reminds me of the Temple of the Vishanti from T&T (of course I was going to insert T&T somewhere, it’s me).

And of course they’d go for a pun with his name haha. I don’t know how to feel about this, tho. I feel like the episode is too heavy and dark for comedy. But it is what it is.

Okay but why some books are in cages??????????? And wow, it seems Cagliostro also gathered knowledge about several fields of magic.

And then Stephen learns that, in order to break an Absolute Point, he needs to absorb more power. This is when I went “oh-oh, here we go”.

And for real, is this Shuma-Gorath? Why are they keeping his name a secret? Is this the same creature from the first episode with Captain Carter, right? RIGHT? It has to be Shuma-Gorath.

Of course he tries to be polite and ends up all hurt haha. O’Bengh warns him about love but he will not listen. “Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.”/ “Is she worth the pain?”. Please, this is Stephen. He eats pain for breakfast.

Also, also, let’s take a break. We’re finally going to get monsterf0cker tentacle-lover Stephen Strange. It will cost us everything but here we goooooooooooo (yes, I went frame by frame for your more obscure fanservice needs)

Gods, I love this sequence so much it hurts. Okay, here we go.

Shmebulock???????????

AND HE STOLE THE CAPE??????????? AND DREW THE LINE ON BUGS??????

The grasp this man is holding on me right now...

Some of you will understand. I’m with you.

And here are the grostesque ones. These are hard to take SS but I had to.

Animation, sound effects, OST? CHEF’S KISS TO ALL

And lastly... the tentacles. Yeah, if you’re new... this is a thing.

Fanservice. Fanservice everywhere. (low-key the reason I also waited to write this review, I wanted to enjoy this part so badly but I was too sad for that lmao)

Okay so. O’Bengh is suddenly OLD and DYING, until we realize that Stephen spent CENTURIES absorbing mystic beings. CENTURIES. WTF STEPHEN. He had nothing in mind but the goal to save Christine. And people wonder why he went insane???? I’m sorry, O’Bengh, but I can’t take you serious when you still call Stephen Sorcerer Armani. Oh, and also because you watched him absorb beings for centuries in silence lmao. But I guess I have to because you said that Stephen is split in two since the Ancient One cast a spell on him, splitting the timelines and making them exist in the same reality before he could travel back in time. I know, it’s complex. Anything for the plot.

And now good!Stephen has an evil!twin who wants to absorb him back in order to become whole and break the Absolute Point. Cool.

I said I wanted to talk more about Wong because I think people are not talking about him enough. Wong is so important in this episode. He’s the one who’s trying to heal Stephen after Christine. He’s Stephen’s anchor.

Also, THEY FINALLY USED A SPELL WITH THE NAME OF THE VISHANTI. HOORAAAAY

So, for the sake of our understanding, I’m addressing the characters as evil and good!Stephen. Let’s go. Evil!Stephen summons good!Stephen and gods, he still holds such a strong grasp on me... unbelievable. THE DEEPER VOICE BENEDICT USES???? PLEASE, DIDN’T WE HAVE ENOUGH?

Imagine his strength to hold so many beings inside him, fighting to control him. BRO, THIS IS TOO TOO MUCH

Fine, I’ll not post SS about the fight because I’d be here all night long but I WILL say this: NOT CLOAKIE!!!!! NAAAAAAAAAAUR

Also if you ask me if I recognize any of the spells? Maaaaybe the Flames of Faltine, the not-so-crimson Bands of Cyttorak and a little trick Magik does with her portals. That’s how far I go.

I’ll not comment on the “seducing yourself to stay in the trap”. I will not. I’ll just say that the first person Stephen thought of when “Christine” was talking about the crème brûlée was Wong. That’s it.

And finally evil!Stephen absorbs good!Stephen and releases... UNLIMITED POWER (I love when the stone goes red as if it was bleeding aaaaaaa)

I can fix him...

This scene here? Poetic cinema. (I love his wings so much)

And when Stephen says her name and the other monsters’ voices echo “Christine”, AAAAAACKKKK

AND OF COURSE CHRISTINE WOULD FREAK OUT, BRO. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE BECOME BECAUSE OF YOUR TWISTED LOVE. I’M NOT DOING FINE.

Oh, but it’s too late anyways because Stephen broke reality haha. This scene is interesting because Stephen is the only one who sensed and/or talked to the Watcher until now. I read an interview that the Watcher kinda showed up but it’s also about Stephen’s keen senses. Bit of both, let’s say. Still, man, 616-Watcher is not that cold. 616-Watcher would watch this and say “how about I intervene anyway?”. WhatIf!Watcher is brutal.

The way Christine looks at Stephen one last time also KILLS ME, DESTROYS ME, BREAK ME INTO A MILLION PIECES.

And this is where my soul left my body.

This is how they end the episode. This is how you leave me speechless and with teary eyes. This is how you give me a whole existential crisis.

This... this was brutal to watch. Really.

What can I say after this? I’m used to reading painful things when it comes to Stephen. Aaron’s and Cates’ runs are heartbreaking on so many levels. Hickman’s New Avengers is not easier. Coincidentally, What If? Magik Became Sorcerer Supreme and The End. And now Death of Doctor Strange. And yet, after everything I’ve been through, I’d never expect to watch something so brilliant, so tragic, so heartbreaking and unexpected in the MCU. Never. This is top tier content and this is my favorite character with SO MANY LAYERS and SO MUCH UNDERSTANDING. I can’t put into words how meaningful this whole episode is to me, or how deep it touched my heart and soul.

I’ve been struggling to find the proper words since then, I still can’t. All I can add is, I cried for the 4th time now. This is too, too much, even for Stephen stans. Even for the ones who are used to pain, regardless of which media you’re into: comic books, live actions or animated movies. This is literally more than I can take and yet I’m so, so grateful. The voice acting, gods, how did Benedict manage to create a better Stephen than the one he’s literally playing in real life???????????? HOW

This episode really took the max potential Stephen had to offer as a character, added tons and tons of layers based on his grief, depression, arrogance and need to control everything and created a tragic masterpiece. In 7 years of being a Doctor Strange fan, I've never read or watch something that could go this deep into the character. The closest I can think of is Mr. Misery and the metaphor of Stephen's depression. This is a whole new level of respect and understanding. This is more than a love letter. This is peak maestry. It’s perfect, it’s heartbreaking, it’s... gods, I can’t.

Sorry for dragging you until this far. Before I wrap up this review, I just wanted to remind you all that Stephen will appear again, he will smile again, he will be surrounded by people again. So this is not the end. It was painful but be brave. We still have a few more steps to take.

[nanagoswife]

I Failed Everyone. I Failed You.

(^^these are related to the fic^^)

HAPPY MAY 4TH EVERYONE

In celebration, I decided to write this random idea I had literally just last night (right before I wrote it. I wasn't even planning to write last night 😅) Anyways, I thought we could use some Obi, even if he isn't going through entirely good times. With me, I had to end it on a lighter note so sad Obi doesn't necessarily last the whole time.

Pushing this aside, happy May 4th everyone.

May the force be with you, always.

- - -

Summary: After Order 66, Obi-Wan has to go and deal with Anakin. Taking place after the duel, he comes to you for support but, as the next hours go on, you're the one needing comfort.

W/C: 2.2k

Warnings: Mention of flame boy, mention of mass death, character death, angst, Obi being a sad boy

The threatening shades of red and orange accented by the black, soot covered ground would’ve frightened him in any other situation. Even the locals had an unwelcoming presence as they floated over the molten lava, gathering Maker knows what.

Now, though, he was more focused on a different fear that had come true. The order was destroyed, his friends turned on him, he failed Anakin. Obi-Wan Kenobi had failed one of the people he strove to do only good for.

Instead of his true duty, he had just battled his closest friend. His brother. His son. The one other he cared and watched over not because his master had told him so, but because he felt inclined to. There had been something in Anakin that peaked something inside of him that drew him to Anakin.

What good was he if he failed everyone he ever loved? First, Qui-Gon, then so many others. Even people who had just been there that fought by his side or died to save him. Then there was this current moment. He had failed to see how the war was a fool’s game. The person leading it was really on the enemy side and let his true colours show in a drastic change.

Obi-Wan had failed. He had even failed you. Compared to you, Obi-wan knew so much more about what was truly going on. Had he seen how overly fond the Chancellor was for Anakin, even you were suspicious. Yet, he didn’t act on it soon enough.

Due to this, you were caught up in Anakin’s tirade before it turned into the battle he had endured. You had come with Obi-Wan hoping that you could talk him back. Anakin always did have a strong connection with you. He had told Obi-Wan at a point that he looked to you as a mother figure, a role model.

It almost worked, too. It was almost as if something snapped in Anakin as you tried to step closer. All you wanted to do was embrace him and tell him how it would all be okay even after what happened with Padmé moments before. That’s not how he saw it. So, he had used the force and threw you against the ship, rendering you unconscious.

Being protective of both you and Padmé, Obi-Wan tried a last ditch effort to try and talk Anakin down. Despite being known as the ‘Negotiator’, his negotiating skills greatly lacked compared to yours. He had failed your mission to bring him back to the light.

With everything, it led to him watching as he was burned alive, almost pleading for help. Instead of listening, he turned away, unable to watch.

The image was sure to haunt the rest of his days as he walked back to the platform with Anakin’s lightsaber. Before this had all happened, he was able to check to make sure both you and Padmé were still alive. Thank the stars that you both were. He could only hope the baby was alright.

When it came to you, he was relieved to know that the one person he loved most dearly was alright, considering. You would’ve been the last straw had Anakin killed you.

Even in this time of pain and grief, he couldn’t help but be amused at the thought of how, not only did Anakin see both you and him as parental figures, but the two of you had really been together the whole time. Whether Anakin knew or not, the two of you raised him like your own because both of you knew that you couldn’t actually have a child of your own. So, Anakin played that role.

That was why you were so adamant on trying to talk him out of it. Unlike Obi-Wan, you refused to raise a hand to Anakin. Obi-Wan wouldn’t have either, had he not almost killed you and his own wife who carried his child. It repulsed him.

As he neared the platform, fear filled him at thinking something may have happened while he was gone. Did clone troopers arrive and find you here? He didn’t want to think about it, partially because, at this point, he would just give himself up to it.

Stepping up the platform, intense relief overtook him when he saw you with your back turned to him. You only turned when both R2-D2 and C-3PO had greeted him.

He didn’t need to say a word for you to know what happened. Why else would he be carrying the lightsaber? Although you hated that it happened, you couldn’t blame Obi-Wan at all. His pained expression showed how heavily it weighed on him.

Obi-Wan didn’t stop when the droids met him. Instead, he kept his path to you until he was in your arms. The tears that he had just wiped away now mixed with the ash on his face once again as he buried himself into your neck. One of your hands easily held the back of his head while the other gently rubbed his back.

As you held him, your own tears filled your eyes. You were unable to bring Anakin back. You had lost the closest thing you had to a son to the dark.

“I’m so sorry,” Obi-Wan said, barely coherent through his cries. “I-I failed him. I failed you.” Just his voice wrenched your heart as his pain was so prominent.

His words pained you in a way that they never have before. In your mind, he didn’t fail you or Anakin. You were just as much to blame. As was everything else in and around your lives. That wasn’t what he needed to hear, though.

“Shh, it’s alright,” you said quietly into his ear. To further comfort him, you traced delicate circles in his hair. “You didn’t fail me and you definitely didn’t fail Anakin. There’s no way we could’ve known that this is what was going to happen.”

“But-”

You cut him off, “No,” you said firmly but stayed soft so you could comfort him further. “You taught him well. The rest were his decisions. We couldn’t force his path, Obi.”

Carefully, you moved his head so that you could look him in the eyes, cupping his cheeks with your hands. The usual soft, caring blue was now dimmed with pain and grief. Although that’s how you felt, you tried to remain strong on the outside. He didn’t need how you felt added to his own emotions.

“Come on,” you said gently, “Padmé is inside. We need to get her into medical care.”

Slowly, Obi-Wan nodded and you led him inside by the hand that didn’t carry the lightsaber. When you walked in, you left Obi-Wan by Padmé’s side as you went to pilot the ship off this dreary planet.

-

“Twins?” you exclaimed when you heard the news. You, Yoda, and Obi-Wan all glanced at the other when the medical droid told you this.

“Go. By Senator Amidala’s side, you should be,” Yoda told you when you had looked worriedly at your friend. The fact that she was dying hadn’t quite settled in just yet. Instead of voicing this, you nodded to Master Yoda and quickly made your way to Padmé’s side.

Out of pure instinct, you grabbed her hand.

“Y/N,” she said weakly.

“Shh, save your strength. You’re about to have a couple little ones making themselves known,” you said with a slight chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood. To your relief, she let out her own laugh.

The rest of it was all a blur. Padmé’s tight grip on your hand was merely a reminder that you were still here. It was a reminder that these may be the last few moments you get to spend with her.

At a point, you had looked up to where Obi-Wan was watching from the other side of the glass. Trying to be brave, he offered a small smile in comfort. It did help a bit before your attention was drug back to the situation as the grip on your hand was tightened.

Once both Luke and Leia were born, Obi-Wan joined the room and held Luke as you held Leia.

When you looked down, Padmé was smiling at the two babies that the two of you held. Then it fell. “There’s good in him,” she whispered, breathing deeply. “I know… I know there’s… still…” and she faded.

Obi-Wan looked as desolate as you felt. Other than the two of you, there was no one else. Sure, there was Yoda, but relationships with him weren’t as deep as with everyone you’ve lost today. Now, you and Obi-Wan were left with the children of your closest friends.

-

Later, after your discussion with Yoda and Bail Organa about what would happen with the children, you were watching the twins in the nursery through the glass wall. So many thoughts were running through your mind, the most prominent being what would happen with you and Obi-Wan.

During the meeting, the relationship you had with Obi-Wan no longer needed to be hidden. Even though Yoda already had known for years, he was open to what the two of you had to say. This was all to lead up to the point that the two of you would take Luke to his family on Tatooine and, together, you would watch from a distance.

Your thoughts now were about how the two of you would stay hidden with this duty. You thought about how this all would affect the next days, months, stars, maybe years. Would this plague both of you for the rest of your days? Would this draw you apart? Would it bring the two of you closer? Would you finally start the family the two of you wanted?

“Darling?” Your racing mind was interrupted as you heard the familiar voice. Turning to it, you saw Obi-Wan’s worried gaze. This time, it wasn’t because of everything else that had happened. It was a worry for you. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, quite…” you trailed off as you looked back to the two newborns.

Seeing your gaze, he immediately knew what you were probably thinking. He stepped up to you and pulled you into his embrace as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. What you needed was comfort, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

“Don’t worry, Darling. This won’t pull us apart, I promise,” he said reassuringly.

As he held you, an idea popped up in his head. It was something he continually thought about, but never was able to do. There was so much that he could finally act on that was once held back due to the code. Now, he could tell you and ask you everything he wanted to for so many years. Especially with this idea now.

“Y/N, darling?” He moved slightly back so that he could look into your eyes. The troubled look that he saw in your eyes earlier was now dimmed down and was replaced with the usual fondness he loved to see. “To prove this, I want to ask you something.”

Confusion suddenly took you over. What could he ask that would prove to you that nothing would happen? That is until he started to sink downwards. He kept going until he was kneeling, looking up at you and held one of your hands in his. The whole time, he didn’t remove his eyes from yours.

“This has been something that I’ve wanted to ask for so long. I haven’t been able to before, but now I can. Y/N, will you marry me?”

Overwhelming happiness threw every thought from everything from the last twenty-four standard hours. It was the first time you truly smiled for days, maybe even weeks. It rendered you speechless as this was a day you thought you’d never get. Eagerly, you nodded your head before pulling him up to kiss him. The first time you would share a kiss without the fear of others catching you.

“I love you, Obi. So much,” you said, resting your forehead against his.

“I love you too.” Obi-Wan lifted a hand to your cheek and traced small circles with his thumb. Although the reasons that made this moment possible were horrible, he basked in this small thing that helped both of you forget. This was well needed for now. “Maybe we could finally start the family we’ve always fantasized about,” he said while bringing his lips to your forehead.

You pulled your head away, but didn’t move away from his hold. “Really?”

“Really. Those dreams can finally be a reality.”

Without any more hesitation, you kissed him once again. There will be much to overcome, but you’ll have each other to work through it. You’ll have the other to comfort the other. Eventually, you’ll have another that will make you want to be better.

Then, you knew that Obi-Wan hadn’t failed you and you hadn’t failed Obi-Wan. Even though you both lost your closest friends, and you may have failed so many, you hadn’t failed each other. And in this blissful moment, that’s all that matters.

@stardancerluv @where-fantasy-meets-reality @jaydenwoo @madmax2003 @hopeladybug

If you want to join a taglist, message me or send in an ask. I'll eventually get something set up, but this is the only couple ways for now 😅

[happygirl2oo2]

Fence: Striking Distance fanart I'd love see made

Please, I can't draw but I need those in my life so badly, and no this list has no order really so do whatever

Harvard and Aiden's fair date (bonus points if you include Aiden's years of dreaming of it as well)

Seiji and The Bros (any scene of your pick)

Harvard on his motorcycle (bonus points if it includes his leather jacket that he literally bought for "practicality", god I love him)

Harvard and Aiden's first time meeting as kids back in kindergarden (bonus points if that includes the full scene with Harvard being Best Boy even as a 5 year old)

The (failed) trust falls scene

Harvard and his mom (I'd take anything, really, but bonus points maybe if it's their talk after he realized he's been in love with Aiden all this time 'cause he told Aiden when he came back that that's what he did)

The scene of Seiji in the lines "He walked off, a stern, remote presence among the joyful crowd. A guy hopping on one foot almost crashed into him. On reception of a chilling glance from Seiji, he decided to throw himself upon the floor instead."

That scene of Harvard and Aiden in the hospital as kids when Harvard's dad was sick and Aiden came back after he was forced to leave 'cause he "want[ed] to be with Harvard"

Aiden and Rosita (possible ideas for it- her singing to him as a kid, the scene of them in the parking lot...)

The 'steaks run in the woods' scene

Aiden picking out his outfit for his fair date with Harvard (he canonly told Harvard that he just bought that for their date, but boy's been dreaming about this date, in detail, for years ok, so you better believe that either he had this outfit tucked away and saved for that occasion only in the hopes that it might happen and he couldn't tell Harvard that OR that he was so excited he really went shopping to get the perfect outfit for his dream date with Harvard, and I'd take a drawing of either version you want 'cause I love them both)

'Nicholas giving Seiji his fixed watch' scene

Harvard and Aiden's first time to Kings Row

"What are you doing tonight?" "Being heterosexual? Or.. maybe not?" scene

Harvard and Aiden in the rain under one coat (Harvard mentioned that it's been happening constantly since they were 10, so bonus points if if it's them, like this, over the years, eventually ending with the scene of it in the fair date)

Harvard taking care of sick Aiden

Dante being Done® with the fence team (scene to your choosing, there's a bunch)

The scene where Harvard and Aiden are being romantic while the others ignore them to focus on crime

Nickholas and Aiden's talk at the campfire

Harvard cooing over the picture Coach's baby nephew she showed him on her phone (happened in the first chapter, bonus points if you include "Aiden sneaked a glance at Harvard's glowing face and then smiled to himself" in the background)

In the same scene as the one the idea above is from, it was also mentioned that Harvard secretly collected videos of kittens and puppies being friends, so a drawing of that maybe..?

Harvard and Aiden's "Because it means nothing" scene (because apparently I'm not dead enough inside yet)

Seiji's first time at breakfast scene (Bonus points Nicholas lowkey stealing Dante's food, and extra bonus points if it includes the scene with "-the best looking guy in school, everyone agrees-"×"Wait, why are we suddenly talking about Seiji?")

Harvard and Aiden's first kiss

Harvard waking up Aiden in the morning (it's canonly said to happen a lot, so you can make it as you wish, but I have the scene if you want it for reference, and bonus points if it's them doing it over the years, starting with younger them doing it by phone like Harvard recalled and ending with it now with their room and shared bed in Kings Row. Additional bonus points if you also make the scene of him telling Aiden boring stories to help him fall asleep)

Follow up on the one above- if you end up just drawing that 'telling him boring stories to help him fall asleep' scene instead, then bonus points if Harvard starts the story with them both as kids, as he's canonly been doing it for years ever since their first sleepover, and ends it with them as they are now at their room in Kings Row

The scene with Seiji, Jesse and Aiden in the woods but the part where "“I knew it, I knew horrible things were happening at Kings Row,” Jesse muttered. He stopped tugging persuasively and pulled at Seiji’s wrist hard enough to hurt, so Seiji’s sleeve was disarranged and the dying light caught his watch. “And what ghastly object are you wearing on your wrist?!” “That’s my favorite watch,” Seiji snapped, and twisted his arm free."

Harvard and Aiden's first sleepover

The campfire scene, specifically the part in the lines "Nicholas made a grab for the big bag of marshmallows, despite Seiji’s attempts to foil him. He fought for possession of the bag while Harvard brought Aiden a drink from the cooler and Eugene protested loudly: “Watch the fire! Bros, I’m concerned you’re gonna actually fall into the huge roaring fire.”"

Aiden and Seiji little talk in the woods after they walked away from Jesse

Harvard and his mom's magazines

The night cook-in meet thing at Dante and Bobby's room (all parts of that scene are on the table but possible bonus points for the part where Harvard's smiling at a text from Neal and Aiden accidently knocks over the burner which sets the curtain on fire)

The campfire scene, the lines "Eugene reached out with hope for a fist bump. Seiji waved him away irritably. “You saw what happened with the weight lifters earlier. Do you think I am in the mood for more physical contact today?” “Understood, bro,” said Eugene, lowering his fist. “Catch you tomorrow, on another righteous teammate day! I think you’re all the best, bros!” Instantly his fist shot back up in position. Seiji gave Eugene a betrayed look. “It’s a reflex, bro,” Eugene assured Seiji. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” Seiji made a grouchy sound and moved closer to Nicholas for protection from fist bumps."

Harvard and Aiden's double date

The Nicholas and Seiji scene in the lines "Seiji clung to the curtain as if it was a security blanket and he was a big baby. "I need the curtain." "You need me," said Nicholas. Seiji Blinked. "What?" "You require my present?" Nicholas reminded him."

The two Harvard and Aiden Araté scenes, next to each other- the one in the Salle where they're fencing, kinda early in the book, and the one in their room with the last kiss, around the end of the book

Seiji seeing Dante trying to sit next to Nicholas and Nicholas telling him "hey, dude, no, I'm saving this seat for Seiji" before he come to the table and sat there

Harvard playing video games with his little cousin (he mentioned to coach, quite early in the book, that he did it occassionally)

Nicholas and the Bros at the fair

Seiji's chat with his dad (bonus points if you also drew the memory of Seiji as a kid that his dad brought up here)

The scene in the woods with Seiji, Jesse and Aiden, especially the lines "Aiden rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, there are three of them.” “There’s only one of me,” Jesse snapped. “I’m Jesse Coste.” He tossed his head up high. Seiji had seen other people quail when faced with half the fury currently gleaming in Jesse’s blue eyes or contained in the arrogant lift of his chin. “Don’t flip your hair at me, freshman,” Aiden sneered back. “I’m Aiden Kane.” Aiden shook back his own light, bright, curling hair from his face and looked down his nose at Jesse. “Who?” Jesse asked. “Ask some of the Exton boys,” Aiden drawled. “I don’t remember their names, but I guarantee you they’ll know mine.”"

Nicholas and Seiji moving the curtain scene

Eugene telling Nicholas about the prank (poor dude about to pass out while Nicholas is touched by it)

Harvard and Neal (mostly for Haiden angst in edits purposes to be honest 😬 But also 'cause Harvard is Best Boyfriend no matter who he's with and I kinda want to see it)

Seiji & Nicholas being Oblivious Freshmen

Aiden's coming out to Harvard when they were.. 15 I think it was(?) scene (it's been mentioned in Aiden's thoughts in the scene where Harvard comes out to him after his date with that girl), maybe? Idk

[91percentpynch]

the cut that always bleeds - kevaaron au pt 3

kejerejean stans? this one is for you. no seriously this one is out of jean‘s point of view? cuz honestly i love that hoe so much. as always get your tissues ready guys. this is actually kinda long? and a mess? and no one beta read it so if there are mistakes or it doesn‘t make sense i‘m sorry!! this is not that sad? tw: mention of murder, mention of physically hurting someone, mention of stabbing, mention of the nest, mention of trauma

check this out to find the other parts:)

Jean has always been a light sleeper. He had to be in order to survive the horrors of Evermore.

So naturally the sobs - as silent as they might have been - woke him up. His eyes opened at once, he sat straight up. Almost automatically he got to his feet and left the room to get to Kevin.

After all, comforting Kevin was like breathing to him.

Jeremy followed Jean, because he would always follow Jean. Jeremy was like a moth and Jean was the light. Wherever he went Jer would follow.

So they went to Kevin‘s room. The striker laid in his bed, curled up, phone in his hand, uncontrollable sobs escaping his mouth.

„I see you took the call this time“, Jean said, surprisingly gentle.

„I wanted to end it. I wanted to have a clear cut. So tell me, why does the cut still bleed?“, Kevin whispered, his voice barely audible.

„Because it‘s a cut that always bleeds“, Jeremy told Kevin as he came closer, carefully and ever so gentle placing his hands on the other boy‘s back.

„He said he wants me to come back to him“, Kevin whispered while holding onto himself as if to try to stop himself from falling apart. „He told me he misses me. That he only gets high when he misses me“

It was quiet in the dark room, shadows were dancing, just as Aaron and Kevin used to dance in the dead of night underneath the night sky.

„You did the right thing Kev“, Jean replied in French while he got into the Bed behind Kevin. Just like they used to do in the Nest.

When Kevin was in his arms he began to hum a French lullaby into his ear.

Jeremy joined them after a second of admiring his beautiful boyfriend and the broken boy in his arms.

„Dude, do you want something? Hot coca? A special Knoxian hug? Us to get Andrew to gut that bastard? Wait, hold on. I forgot. Twin brother. Well, I can gut him for you? Andrew and this is a word by word quote told be once ‚You‘re like a little unicorn in a world full of wolfs with razor sharp teeths, learn to gut the wolfs, stay safe‘, so he taught me how to stab someone? Yeah okay that is not the topic right now, I can still gut Aaron though. I mean Andrew would try to hurt me, but then again I‘m his best friend so he does not have the rights to gut me, right?“, Jeremy offered him a toothy grin, while his hand wandred to his neck rubbing it nervously.

„Can you please not gut him? First of all: Andrew already tried to choke me once when Josten was in danger and I told them where he was, cause apparently yOu DoN‘t KeEp ThOsE tHiNgS tO yOuRsElF yOu FuCkInG mOrOn. I think you do keep those things to yourself if the other option is to get fucking murdered by the mafia??? But what do I know, am I right? After all I‘m just a narcistic, Exy-obsessed asshole without a personality. Bonus I have anxiety, panic attacks, probably depression and I‘m unlovable“, Kevin mumbled into his pillow, the voices of the other foxes, of the other teams inside of his head.

„Did they tell you that?“, Jeremy asked, not quite able to hide the sadness and pain in his voice.

„Doesn‘t eveyone think that?“, Kevin asked. „I mean I think they tend to forget that the woman who gave birth to me, the last woman who geniuely loved me besides maybe Abby, invented the job. I think they tend to forget that the fucking mafia killed her when they found out I‘m not theirs by nature, so the only solution was apparently fucking murder. Then they kidnapped me, brainwashed and tortured me to the point where all I knew was Exy. Oh and maybe they also tend to forget that Ravens were only ever allowed to do Exy, if you were privilegded enough sleep, and do more Exy“

„Kevin you are so much more than that“, Jean whispered into Kevin‘s ear while pressing him against his chest. Just as they used to do in the Nest. „I might be mad at you, because you left me alone with those psychopaths. I used to think you didn‘t care about me. But you were just like me, okay with less scars and less you know. However I cannot say I wouldn‘t have done the same. I understand you now, Kevin. And please, please stop saying those things. And now let us cuddle you and let Jer go through his ridiculous post break-up list. We‘re gonna cuddle you and all you have to do is trying to fall asleep. Used to help me when I was alone at USC. Could only sleep properly when someone held me. Well, Jeremy. Tomorrow we‘ll shove unhealthy food down your throat and watch Downton Abbey or whatever those historcial dramas you love so much are called. While stroking your hand or whatever you‘re into big boy. Afterwards we‘ll take the dogs out and force you to watch the fucking sunset. And I‘ll hold your fucking hand“

Kevin supposed the middle of the night was the time of long lost truths. „Okay“, he mumbled while he moved closer to Jean. Replacing his smell with Jean‘s. It took him a while to fall asleep but he managed.

At the same time Jeremy said „Mi amor, I love you, I really do, but that was literally the most romantic thing you said in the past two years? That is way more romantic than ANY date you ever planned for me? Rude? The audacity?“

„Moi soleil, you don‘t have the ‚cult kidnapped me and tortured me‘ card you can pull, you get the bonus treatmeant of any other people. Besides I literally have matching tattoos with you? I drew you like multiply times? I wrote like a dozen poems and at LEAST one short story? I wrote you a fucking lullaby? You have no right to complain right now, or you‘ll loose your kissing privileges and I give them to Kevin“

„Eww gross“, Kevin mumbled.

„I don‘t remeber you saying that back in the Nest“, Jean replied, poking his cheek.

Kevin didn‘t have the energy to answer. It was a long day. Sleep could have him for the day. Death’s little sister might claim him for the night.

This night he dreamed about Aaron. Strong arms around his waist. Golden eyes locking with smaragd ones. They were on some lonely beach, kissing lazily while the water kissed their feet. It was a beautiful day. Not as beautiful as Aaron, but then again nothing would ever be as beautiful as this specific piece of art. Everything was alright. Everything was good. Why couldn‘t it be the real Aaron and the real Kevin on that beach.

At about noon Kevin woke up to a drooling Jeremy on his stomach and the smell of waffles and soft French swearing in the kitchen. Softly Kevin woke Jeremy up.

„Sorry I always end up on weird angles and drooling on random guys. Jean used to get so mad when I fell asleep in his lap. But you can‘t take him serious when he looks with you with heart eyes trying to be Mad, can you? Anyways we should probably go to him and help him? Oh wait hold on a hot second there. I‘m banned from the kitche, so we can sleep? Right? Right?“

„I hate to break this to you Jer, but it‘s noon. So, no we cannot sleep. You can choose my clothes, though. I know you love going through my stuff and playing dress the doll, Kevin Day edition“, Kevin almost smiled at Jeremy, when he looked up at him pouting.

Then he remembered another blonde boy, pouting at him when he told him no. Another constellation of freckles around another, straight, perfect nose. Sinful lips softly turned up, trying to look mad. Hazel eyes instead of ocean blue ones. Messy blonde curles, instead of soft badly dyed ginger ones. Strong arms instead of lean ones covered in flower tattoos. God, Kevin missed his Aaron.

No, not his. Not anymore

„Okay, but you have to wear to fab outfit I‘ll throw in your face“, Jeremy gave him another easy, toothy grin.

Slowly the other boy got out of bed and went over to the cabet. Slowly Jer went through Kevin‘s cloths. After a while he slowly turned around, holding a jersey that is obviously by far too small for Kevin in front of his face. „What is that? Why do you still have his jersey? Babe, you gotta get rid of that, rather sooner than later“

Jeremy had the weird habit of calling his friends babe, baby, dude or bro. Before Jean he called his boyfriends bro or dude as well, but Jean was so confused by it he quickly stopped doing it.

„First of all: I‘m a weak ass bitch, it smelled of it. And secondly maybe I wanna stab it once I‘m over the phase where I‘m like madly missing him?. I‘d just put it into a pillow, stab at it like a maniac and then set it on fire. I didn‘t grow up with a psychopath as my supposed best friend for nothing Jer“

„Okay? Well I got your clothes. And you‘ll look amazing, cause it‘s the FOX ONSIE I GOT YOU!!! I‘ll wear my onsie as well, and I‘ll force Jean to wear his one as well!! Much fun!! Much wholesome!!“

So that‘s how Kevin Day, queen of Exy, landed sandwiched between his childhood crush and long life crush on their couch, watching Downton Abbey with a plate of waffles on his lap. This was nice. He might had actually enjoyed it, if this wasn‘t his and Aaron‘s show. They used to watch it, cry over it together, make out while watching it.

Thank God didn‘t actually touch him while watching Downton Abbey, he was good at daydreaming. Kevin would just had preteneded that it was Aaron and he thought him breathing Aaron‘s name was the last thing any of them needed today.

After their Downton Abbey marathon they ordered pizza, against Kevin‘s better judgement. Another traditon Kevin shared with Aaron. At finals Aaron would often forget to eat and Kevin was too big of a mess to be bothered to cook so he would end up ordering something every single day and feeding it Aaron while he studied on the floor. Occasionally he would earn a soft kiss, growing hungrier when the night grew darker. God Kevin missed the soft lips on his own.

Kevin would have enjoyed the beach, wouldn‘t he be dressed in a fox onsie, holding hands with a 6“5 guy who looked like he both could and would kill you in a unicorn onsie holding two tiny dogs in his other hand and with a 5“4 dude in a matching unicorn onsie with two dogs that were almost bigger than him.

At least this didn‘t remind him on Aaron.

Well, actually. The way the ocean softly kissed the sand, reminded him of his dream. And of the endless trips to the beach, sleeping in the car, Aaron on top of him. Lazy kisses and warm hugs. It was the first place Aaron took Kevin after their rehab. It was the first night they spent together, as sober men. Well, not sober per se. But drunk and high on each others love. It might had been the most painful memory of the day. God he missed those strong arms around his waist.

Nontheless the pain got less, he felt almost numb. Kevin liked feeling numb. Nothing hurt when you feel numb.

The sunset was beautiful. It reminded him of golden hairs, freckles standing against golden skin, soft lips at his ears, his neck, the corner of his lips.

„Aaron you‘re supposed to look at the sunset, you shithead“, Kevin used to smile down at him. „But I‘m already looking at the most beautfiul thing this world has to offer“, Aaron replied smoothly, locking eyes with Kevin.

When the moon took the place of his long lost lover they decided to go back.

It was safe to say that no one dared to think that someone would wait for them there. Especially not the one person they tried to avoid by all means the entire day.

„You said to stop calling. Never mentioned face to face conversations“, a husky voice said. And Kevin‘s world stopped.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Fantasies, dreams and desires, ideas of normalcy and fears of difference. A slightly queer reading of 15x14

Mrs Butters is a delightful character who is built to parallel so many things in the show. She occupies perfectly the semantic sphere that the narrative has crafted around Dean’s desires; also, you know, cake.

We could talk for days about the significance of food and drink in Supernatural. One of the biggest themes that run through the entire show is hunger (or thirst) and food is very often a symbol for an emotional need of sorts. Supernatural draws a lot folklore, and human stories have always used symbologies that put together food, desire, love, sex, family, goodness and darkness and all those human experiences.

We have discussed the shit out of every instance of food in the show, analyzed parallels to other stories and fairytales, scrutinized queer-codings and subtexts, got called nasty names by impolite people accusing us of saying that a slice of baked good means Dean likes sitting on dicks. So, yeah, I’m not gonna start explaining everything from the beginning. Let’s jump to the parallels.

- The comfort food. Motherhood, hugs, and the past that can never return: the ideal of childhood and the 50s fantasy

We’ve already talked about how Mrs Butters functions as a parallel to Mary and a symbol of the ideal motherhood that both Mary and Dean struggled with. In Dark Side Of The Moon, we see a memory from Dean’s childhood, where we learn that Mary would cut off the crusts off his sandwiches. Mrs Butters also says that she cut the crusts off, establishing a direct parallel to Dean’s ideal of childhood and child-parent relationship. Or, we should say, as both Mary’s and Dean’s ideals of a child-parent relationship, because we know that Mary set up her life with John and the kids as an elaborate “scene” according to her idea-slash-fantasy of the perfect safe life.

She strugged with that, because her ideal life could never match with reality - she had loose ends from hunting to deal with, she at some level liked having those loose ends to deal with because as much as she hated the hunting life and craved for safety and “normalcy” that was still something she was in her element doing, probably more than the perfect housewife role. Of course when she came back she attempted to recreate the scene but quickly discovered that it was impossible and dropped all attempts to do so, embracing the opposite, or at least what she perceived as the opposite (having a pretty dualistic view of hunting life-domestic life where they cannot be reconciled).

Dean, on the other hand, started out with a similar dualistic view, figuring that he’d always belong to the hunting world and could never have the domestic, “normal” thing at all, embracing his “freakness” as opposed to the concept of normalcy represented by civilians, by the middle class, by the suburbs, by the apple pie, white fence life (insert heavy queer subtext here). And yet there was always an ambiguity with him (again, he’s never one-or-the-other, he’s always both), because, while on the surface he embraces this rebellious, devil-may-care persona, that’s not quite what he is as a full individual. He grew up essentially a housewife from a very early age, has a very caregiving personality, and thrives in taking care of others.

Dean is both Mrs Butters and Mary, where the difference between him and Mary is that Mary couldn’t (didn’t have the time, support, resources?) reconcile parts of her that Dean instead was able to (and in fact recently helped her with: before dying, she’d reached a pretty healthy balance of living her own life as a hunter and having a warm relationship with her sons, at least as healthy as it can get in that kind of circumstances).

Another important parallel to Dark Side Of The Moon, borrowed by Scoobynatural, is the nightgown that feels like being wrapped in hugs: we are reminded of Dean’s “I wuv hugz” from when he was a kid, a symbol for his early life of affection and safety that he lost with his mother. Childhood hugs, comfort food, loving gestures like cutting off the crusts are all symbols of a past that cannot return.

On a level, from a “coming-of-age story” perspective, childhood, with its innocence and perception that adults will always keep us safe, is obviously something that everyone needs to accept as something that belongs to the past and cannot return, to embrace instead the responsibilities and risks of adulthood in a healthy way. In a sense, Dean needs to go through all these steps - acknowledging that his mother was a flawed person, that in fact both of his parents were flawed people who made mistakes but he can forgive them for his own sake in order to be able to let go of trauma and carry on... - to become a healthy adult able to be a good parent to his own child.

(There’s also the cholesterol thing - Mrs Butters chastizes Dean for his diet, but we know that there’s a depth to Dean’s diet, not only his extreme appreciation of food due to experiencing food scarcity and insecurity as a child, but also the memory of his mother’s comfort food, such as the “Winchester surprise”, a monstrosity of meat and cheese. While the “meat man” persona would appear on the surface as a sterotypical masculinity thing, it has layers, in a typical Dean fashion... not coincidentally, in the latest episode he calls himself the meat man while wearing an apron that we’re told he’s very fond of, painting him, again, in a mixture of different meanings, masculinity and femininity, fatherhood and motherhood, devil-may-care attitude and caregiver attitude.)

On another level, a more political level, there’s the 50s fantasy element. We all know the significance of the idealization of the post-war period as the “good ol’ times” in American culture, and it’s an ideal that Mary definitely drew from when she built her perfect life with her family. Mrs Butters represents this in a very literal way, being literally from 1958 when she “froze” herself, and acts as a very stereotyped governess for a bunch of men that feel like they are above housework, what is considered women’s work. Dean initially comments “how progressive”, knowing exactly how bullshit these conversative ideals are, but then appreciates the comforts of the perfect caretaker.

In fact, Dean’s “giving in” to the comforts of a governess makes me think of that famous feminist manifesto “I want a wife” by Judy Syfers... because housework is very much Dean’s work in the bunker. It’s interesting that Mrs Butters immediately comments negatively on the cleanness of the bunker and their clothes: we know that Dean cleans and washes, and, while it’s likely that he cannot keep everything super perfect like a governess would because he’s busy doing many other things, it’s a way Mrs Butters uses to establish roles that she knows and is comfortable with. She is used to being the one who does “feminine” work while the Men of Letters have absolutely zero skills in that regard, and doesn’t really even stop to question if that’s the case with the men in front of her.

Anyway, let’s go back to the 50s fantasy. The show has repeatedly made commentaries on the vacuity of it. Peace Of Mind is the most obvious instance, but there’s plenty of subtext in the show that deals with that typically American aspect. Just like the childhood aspect, the narrative tells us that the “good ol’ times” are also an idealized thing that cannot return (if it ever existed, because Dean’s childhood was built on a fantasy, and the “good ol’ times” are also a fantasy, because the real 50s were horrible for anyone who didn’t swim in privilege). Mrs Butters cannot stay, the 50s fantasy-slash-childhood fantasy cannot last, and Dean embraces his role as an adult-slash-modern housemaker. Blah blah gender, blah blah cake. (Yeah, sorry, but you can fill in the blanks.)

- The contaminated drink. Poison and weakness from the forbidden sexual desire to the forbidden family domesticity

Aaaand now the second branch of parallels that Mrs Butters pinged on my radar, which sends us in an even more queer-subtext-heavy territory. We’re going to talk about the smoothies and the tomato juice. Yes, I know, the smoothies are given to Jack, not Dean, but symbolically Dean and Jack share the same semantic area; both are given a magically conjured drink, and both end up locked away waiting to be killed. For this analysis, they basically overlap.

Let’s start with the tomato juice. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Dean is given something that visually reminds of the blood the vampires drink. The tomato juice is a stand-in for blood, and blood in relation to vampirism has a long history of subtext in the show that connects to sexuality, sex, sexual fears and contamination. While vampires are not necessarily always invested of those meanings every single time they appear in the three-hundred-whatever episodes of the show, their main symbology is connected to sex and sexual fears, as vampires do in modern western literature, after all.

You’re probably going to think, wait, what? What has Mrs Butters got to do with sexual fears? Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out.

The tomato juice - a stand-in for blood, with a vampire reference - parallels Mrs Butters (who represents trauma, remember) to 6x05 Live Free Or TwiHard. Sexual assault, blood, contamination via the poisoning liquid.

Next to the tomato juice there’s the smoothie. It’s a poison in disguise, a contaminated drink that makes Jack weak. We have, in fact, a pattern of Dean being given contaminated drinks that place him under another’s power. Not just the vampire’s blood, but also Jeremy from 3x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, who offers Dean a beer through which he connects him to his dreams. There’s Nick the siren from 4x14 Sex And Violence, who contaminates Dean through the flask. The venom in the siren’s saliva parallels straight to the gorgon Noah in 14x14 Ouroboros, and I don’t have to start explaining what all those things represent, right? (I have written posts about these things, it would be nice if tumblr didn’t suck and showed them to me when I go look for them.)

(Oh, there’s also Crowley’s human blood addiction, which is not, as one might expect, a parallel to Sam’s demon blood addition, but Dean’s First Blade/Mark Of Cain issue, and the First Blade/Mark Of Cain arc is all imbued by the queer subtext of the Dean-Crowley-Castiel triangle.)

Basically, Mrs Butters is inserted in a history of queer subtext, although it appears as obvious that Mrs Butters hardly represents homosexual desire, unless we go a pretty stretchy route of her occupying Cas’ space in the Dean-Sam-Cas-Jack family (I mean, that’s true, but it’s not simply that). It is also true that Mrs Butters represents Cuthbert Sinclair, and here the radar pings, because Cuthbert Sinclair is totally inside the pattern! He wanted to make Dean part of his collection just like the vampire in 6x05 wanted to make Dean part of his pack, with supernatural means of exorting control over Dean and heavy heavy rapey tones. (I know we don’t like to talk about this, but the show does play with incest subtext, John mirrors are often rapey.)

So, we have all this semantic area of poison, weakness and submission to external control painted in overtones of sexual assault and sexual fears especially in relation to homosexual desire. (I am NOT linking homosexual desire to sexual assult, nor the show is, it’s a wide and volatile semantic area where the common denominator is fear, fear of being hurt FOR being different sexually, it’s about vulnerability because of being different. It’s a horror narrative, guys, remember, queer fear is a recurrent theme in the genre. Dracula was about the horror of what happened to Oscar Wilde, we’re running in circles.)

Now, what kind of fear is explored in 15x14? Well, the episode is about the fear of losing family. The plot is about Dean’s feelings towards Jack after he killed Mary. Dean doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to lose Cas soon also because of Jack. Mary and Cas are both very noisy absences in the episode, and we know that Dean is going to suffer something horrific again that will shatter his family again. This goes past the fears regarding forbidden sexual desire: we’re in the territory of forbidden familial desire, so to speak, Dean’s craving for a domestic peace with his family.

Jack is both the culmination of Dean’s process of family-building, as the son figure of the family, and the element of destruction of that family-building. Not a coincidence Jack’s birthday was referenced, as Jack’s birth coincided with Cas’ death and Mary’s supposed death or at least separation. Now Jack has supposedly killed Mary (or is it a inter-universe separation again? @drsilverfish​’s theory always pops up, and we keep getting reminded of other universes - the telescope is broken...) and we know that Cas’ ultimate death hangs above us.

We’re always running in a spiral, Dean’s relationship with Mary, Dean’s relationship with Cas, Dean’s relationship with motherhood and gender roles, Dean’s relationship with sexuality. There’s a big picture of mirrors in the semantic area of fantasies, idealizations, desires and dreams. I hope I managed to make this post make sense, but I’m always open to requests of clarification or elaboration. Thanks for reading!

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

Hell's Studio fic idea: A pipe bursts and Sammy becomes a toon Imp like Snowflake and Bendy, and Joey doesn't know how to reverse it ASAP, so Sammy is stuck as a toon Imp and Sammy decides to hangout with Snowflake until Joey can reverse the ink's magic (Bonus points if: Sammy gets a uncontrollable stutter as a toon Imp, Susie cooing her small boyfriend, and Sammy drawing with snowflake)

I am So sorry that this took so freaking long, but here you go!

Wally slapped his forehead in exasperation as he heard the pipe bursting from the music department's break room. Then proceeded to go in there, with Snowflake following close behind just in case he needed someone small to check in any holes in the wall that the pipe made in the process.

The sight was familiar, but unwelcome to the pair; a pile of thick ink sliding down onto the floor through the broken pipe peeking through the ceiling. Snowflake was only thankful that it had spilled to the floor instead of the pool table.

“I’m startin' ta think dat eitheah we should completely tear down da music department to put in a betteah pipe system, or just stop fixin' the dang things so dat they at least stop surprisin' us."

The Janitor grumbled as he started mopping up the mess.

"A-at least nobody got caught in it this time."

As soon as Snowflake said that, something under the pile began to move.

“Mmmmh?"

"Yikes, spoke too soon, kiddo."

Wally stated calmly as he started to scrape the excess ink off of what looked exactly like Bendy, except the imp's tie lacked the fun patterns Bendy often wore, and more importantly, he was missing his mouth. So the obvious conclusion the pair made was: The ink ruined his tie by dying it black and also stole his mouth.

"M-mr. Bendy?! are you okay?!"

The formerly buried imp looked at the other one with a perplexed expression before mouthing something, realized that he wasn't saying anything, patting his face where his mouth should've been, and looking like he was about to panic.

"MMMMmmPPHH?! MMMH!! MMPHH!!!"

"Looks like the ink erased your pie hole, boss."

The imp rolled his eyes at stared at Wally in a very sarcastic manner before leaving the room, most likely to visit Joey about this issue.

"...Do you think he's not going to want to do that drawing lesson later?"

"What, Bendy? not want ta draw with ya overah somethin' like this? Nah. It's nothin' fun to wake up to, but I don't think it'll eat at him like it will if it happened ta Sammy."

----------------------

"MmMMmMMM?!?! MMPHH!! MMMPPHHH!?"

Sammy hopped up and down while wildly gesturing to the blank white space on his face where his mouth was supposed to be while Joey flipped through heavily ink-stained spell books. Meanwhile, the real Bendy was still gawking at his doppelganger, still not quite sure whether he should feel flattered or offended that the ink pulled this on Sammy. But also not saying anything because he couldn't find any jokes to lighten the mood with.

It would be one thing if the ink also gave Sammy Bendy's trademark smile (that could make other expressions too). If it did that, Bendy would be making so many mirror and twin related jokes. But it didn't.

"It's going to be fine." Joey repeated almost more to himself than to the hopping mad imp. "Just because an ink flood took out some of my reversal spells, doesn't mean that you're going to be stuck like this forever. Best case scenario, it'll take a few hours for me to find the right one, worst case scenario I'm going to need to order a new book, and that might take a while."

"MMm MmhP?"

"I don't know how long! Some of these are the rarest on the market! Goodness knows how long it'll take to replace if it's ruined and has the correct cure in it..."

The music director let out a heavily muffled, frustrated sigh.

"Yes, I'm annoyed too." Joey sighed as well. "But at least it's not going to be forever."

'Easy for you to say.' Sammy thought to himself as trying and failing to talk was starting to hurt his jaw. 'You're not the one dealing with this! how am I supposed to do my job when I can't speak to anyone?!'

He must've been gesturing as he thought this as Joey snapped his fingers in realization and handed Sammy a notebook and a pencil.

"I know it won't help with the more vocal aspects of your job, but it's better than not having any way to communicate. And much easier than trying to learn sign language in less than a day and with only four digits on each hand."

He tried to write down 'Thanks Joey' but his hands refused to obey him. Confusingly, he instead drew a thumbs up.

"Why thank you! Glad to see that you're taking this better than expected Sammy. I'd better get to work on looking for that spell..."

As Joey left the room, Sammy frowned at the notebook, trying to figure out why he did that. Bendy also peeked at the drawing and felt something click.

"So..." the copied imp awkwardly tugged at his tie as he avoided making eye contact with Sammy. "Just outta curiosity sake, does Snowflake know about this? At least, the fact that it's well, you instead of me?"

Sammy gave Bendy a funny look but nodded anyway.

"Okay, follow up question: ...Is now a bad time to tell you that before you burst in here trying to tell us to fix this that Joey and I were arguing over whether I should go to this meeting with GENT or to give drawing lessons to Snowflake like I promised to, and literally right before you came in I said: 'Well dang it Joey if I could be in two places at once, I would!'?"

Sammy frowned as he saw the guilty yet pleading look in Bendy's eyes, calmly took the newspaper off of Joey's desk, rolled it up and smacked Bendy right upside the head.

"Hey! What gives?!" He sputtered as he rubbed the back of his head.

The Mute music director drew a series of pictures: Bendy putting something in the ink, the ink rising up and flashing him the 'ok' hand sign, Bendy giving it a thumbs up in return and leaving on his merry way, a shift in perspective revealing Sammy as a human having seen the interaction but shrugging it off, Sammy (still human) playing pool with Jack, Grant, and Johnny, the four of them having a good time, the ceiling above them creaking and rumbling ominously, making the four opt to leave, Sammy coming back into the pool room slightly later and keeping an eye on the ceiling, Sammy taking what he came back into the room for, the ceiling above him suddenly bursting and covering him with ink, and the last picture; a bunch of puzzle pieces being fit together, with the picture on the pieces being a lit light bulb.

After showing Bendy his work, he crossed his arms and tapped his foot on the ground.

"What?! You can't seriously blame me for- Okay, yes. I did kinda make a request... but I figured I'D be the one getting drenched! Not you!"

Sammy raised a single eyebrow as Bendy let out a frustrated sigh.

"Look, if I knew that this was what would happen, I wouldn't have done it! But now that it's happened ...would ya help me out with this?"

Sammy's next drawing was his current form with an intentionally bad scribble of Bendy's mouth on the space where he was supposed to have a mouth to indicate it was (poorly) drawn on, and he was trying and failing to do Bendy's job for him as he couldn't speak.

"Of course I'm not going to shirk my responsibilities to make you pretending to be me look like an idiot in front of those big wigs at GENT. I mean, goodness, if this thing flops, who knows what'll happen."

The Musician then showed Bendy a drawing that was so horrible and cold that he wouldn't even dare grace it with a description.

"WHAT KINDA DEMON DO YOU THINK I AM, LAWRENCE?!" Bendy quieted down and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I get it, Damned if I do the thing, damned if I don't do the other thing. I can't let down Snowflake, but if I'm not at that meeting, the studio's relationship with GENT could get bruised! This is why I tried this stunt in the first place!"

He sighed as Sammy just continued to tap his foot in annoyance. "Tell you what, help me and I'll give you anything you ask for! A raise, me not pranking you for a month, more paid vacation days, magic-repelling acetone, name it and it's yours!*"

*Within reason. I'm a demon not a miracle worker!

Sammy showed Bendy an intentionally shaky 'Ok' sign, the closest thing he could think of to a picture version of a hesitant and unwilling 'fine, I'll do it...'

"Oh Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Bendy practically crushed his doppelganger in a spine-breaking hug. "I really owe you this one Sammy!"

'I hope you realize how goddamned lucky you are that I like that kid.' Sammy thought to himself as he patted his double on the back. 'Otherwise I'd hang you out to dry for doing this...'

------------------------

The music director had no interest in deceiving Snowflake; even if he wanted to follow Bendy's plan to the spirit of his deal, he knew too well that the studio and it's ink would always drag any secret up to the surface. So it would just be easier to come clean at the start before lies had the chance to spiral into something that could completely break the poor kid.

"Hi Mr. Bendy! Are you ready for our lesson?"

Sammy nodded, but gestured for his pupil to wait a second before he flipped through the pages of his sketchbook and showed him a series of pictures: some showing the origin of his new condition, and the others showing his deal with Bendy.

"Oh." The child imp seemed sad, and slightly disappointed, but also not surprised. "So Bendy couldn't make it today either..."

The older imp sympathetically patted Snowflake on the back and tried his best to draw out an explanation, but it's kind of hard to put 'He really did want to make it, in fact, he wanted to so much that he was willing to split himself in half for it! But as you can see, it kinda backfired...' into picture format, luckily he got the message across fairly well.

"I-it's okay, I understand. Thanks for filling in for him Mr. Lawrence!"

Snowflake pulled out his own notebook and pencils.

"Do you think you can show me how to do hands that well?"

Sammy eagerly nodded and flipped his book to a blank page.

[liesfallaciesfabrications]

Mr. Queen Analysis

My take on the rather heartbreaking and vague ending of the KDrama, Mr. Queen.

  Okay, I’ve been thinking long and hard on this subject (way too much) and have come to the following consensus:

Bong-Hwan and So Yong are both versions of the same soul. What got me thinking about this was that scene in episode 5 where SoBong talks about original and past lives but then mentions parallel time-streams. To illustrate, she draws two lines running side by side and explains how a past life can be in one and the original/current being in the other. This had me stumped a bit, and I thought it a bit random that they put that in there, but then I looked up “reincarnation and parallel lives” and there’s a surprising number of articles on it - though obviously not conclusive or scientific as it involves spirituality. 

Episode 5 also explains why time in the present is flowing at the same rate as the past, which we discovered when BH’s consciousness briefly reentered his body and explain why they chose to reveal that fact. Time isn’t linear here but more fluid with both versions existing simultaneously - harkening back to the two lines Mr. Queen drew to illustrate.

The reincarnation theory would explain many of the elements of the story that I found hard to accept. For example:

If So Yong’s separate soul was in there with Bong Hwan’s soul then why did he never feel her? In fact, the show repeatedly makes reference to the idea that Bong Hwan does not feel another soul and attributes characteristics of SY to the body (telling her after the kiss that the soul is in control of the body so she ought to behave and in another scene he tries to get her soul to return by addressing the lake - where he believes she is hiding).  The only time he accuses her of being a separate entity inside of him is when he wants an excuse for his feelings and reactions to CJ. The “it must have been her that took control. If I knew it was CJ I would have....still enjoyed it?!? What’s wrong with me?” moments. LOL What if the reason he couldn’t feel another presence was because there wasn’t another? He merely had his consciousness wake up in the body of his past life but didn’t realize it.

It would explain the gradual integration of both personalities. For example, when CJ returns the book to Mr. Queen, she never thinks of herself as NOT being the girl from the well as she did when he first confesses his love for her at the lake. As BH spends more time in her previous body, the lines become more blurred not just in memory but also in identity because he IS her. If they were two separate souls, I don’t think she would have that same reaction nor do I see anything to indicate that So Yong “took over” in that moment or any other. Memories were accessed, personality traits were mingling, but we saw SY come out in episode 20...that personality was immediately recognizable. Fantastic acting by SHS - especially as she had me loving the one and hating the other, despite being both.

It would explain why Mr. Queen falls for CJ so hard, despite his initial protests. I never liked the idea of his feelings being manipulated, but I can get on board with the idea that he accepts his feelings for CJ because this is a man that some part of him has always loved - and falls in love with “again” through their shared experiences and journey.

It would also explain the question of why Bong Hwan. What was the connection between this man and So Yong? They are reincarnations of each other. When So Yong was feeling hopeless and needed strength, she pulled upon her stronger version of herself to help her - made possible in that moment when she desperately wanted to give up on life and he desperately wanted to live. She came to him in that pool and appeared to the queen again when she was looking for answers in the lake. This does not give the impression of a soul cruelly imprisoned in her own body against her will. 

It would also explain why, when Bong Hwan briefly went back to his body, So Yong did not reappear. She wasn’t being suppressed. She purposefully had her reincarnated self come to give her strength and was not ready at that time to assume her life again. I found her choice of words at Byeong-In’s grave to to be telling. She said he always knew where to find her whenever she was hiding. It’s also why I believe BI didn’t realize Mr. Queen wasn’t SY - for the same reason CJ doesn’t at the end of the drama. These two men, both of whom deeply love her, could sense it was her, just in reverse order. CJ-SB-SY and BI-SY-SB.

It would also solve the pesky issue of why BH is an overall better person - not just at the moment of his return but before. Someone on Reddit mentioned the implausibility of CJ’s political accomplishments causing a ripple effect to change BH, and I agree. However, if we look at BH as SY’s reincarnation, then the positive attributes he now displays in the altered timeline can be accounted for because he prevented his previous incarnation from killing herself, therefore in his next lifetime his soul didn’t carry those grudges. This fits with the idea of reincarnation as a person’s life experiences and emotions/grudges/regrets/mindset at death will determine the psychological and even physical manifestation of their next life. 

SY was told by evil Kim that she had no power b/c she was a woman - next life is a man. 

SY had her love cruelly rejected - next life is a playboy who doesn’t seem to believe in love. 

SY felt that she was living a lie - next life is a man who doesn’t care who he offends with his opinion and does what he wants when he wants - to the point of selfishness - though this changes when he prevents many of these resentments by his actions in the past. 

Finally, it would explain why CJ is so “oblivious” at end of the show. He promised when he returned the book to SB that he would never fail to recognize her, and he doesn’t. While her personality has changed, it’s intrinsically also the same person, though this is the area I felt the writers dropped the ball in execution, but I get that they were pressed for time. The implications of this aspect also seem to be what KJH meant in his comment to a fan’s question of whether the king knew that BH had left.That it didn’t matter: SY or BH didn’t matter, only how CJ saw her.

So why send BH back? I believe they did it because it wouldn't make sense for him to live a life he essentially already lived as SY. Reincarnation is meant to be for a soul to grow and spiritually evolve, which it could not do by simply repeating what it had already done. Also, for some reason (I suspect so as not to offend Koreans by skipping over one of the most prominent historical figures in their culture - Queen Min), they still have CJ dying at age 32. This can be seen in the book BH is looking at when he's seeing his portrait, and is mentioned as early as episode 1. This was never going to be a happy ending for CJ/BH in the sense that many viewers wanted. Rather, he was going to facilitate the relationship of SY/CJ so that his previous life could run its course...ugh, I feel sick typing that out...with the hope that they meet again in another lifetime. Our SB is many things but trapped in Joseon without modern medicine, a miracle worker she is not. CJ dies without any heirs; his baby with the queen dies at just six months. If the BH decided to stay for love and then lost the baby and CJ, that would be just as heartbreaking for me as the ending I received. 

Wiki and other sources speculate the CJ was poisoned by the Andong Kims, but many historians (including Bong Hwan’s mother, it seems) dispute that fact as it would serve no purpose since he was a puppet king and since his death then allowed the Jo family to briefly take control until King Gojong’s father pretty much crushed both the Kims and the Jos. In reality, he probably died of unhealthy habits and a life of excess. In the show’s world, who knows...cancer or any number of possible illnesses that could not be treated at that time. During the banquet planning, we see CJ suffer a nosebleed. In the spinoff, Mr. Queen mentions how CJ is trying hard not to collapse from the strain of his burdens. These could be hints left by writers to indicate that CJ’s health has been compromised by the grueling struggles and stress he’s had to endure, not to mention allowing himself to get blown up.

They writers did give us the hope for another reunion - perhaps in BH’s lifetime or perhaps another one. It’s why I think they tried to imply a SY/CJ connection in the Bamboo Forest prequel (the only prequel in the spinoff) as well as end Bamboo Forest with a reincarnation wish. The setup seemed quite intentional and in specific order. The prequel created a sense of destiny. The next segment was about Mr. Queen confirming if it was just his body or his soul that was attracted to CJ...literally the words out of the character’s mouth...and they gave an answer to that with the last shot. The final segment introduced the wish for CJ to meet his queen again, and he is clearly thinking of Mr. Queen - so why the prequel, which would seem to introduce a separate love interest, unless it’s actually not because they’re one and the same with the middle segment emphasizing the genuine attraction and love for each other.

This might not be everyone’s cup of tea; it certainly wasn’t mine, and I think the writers should have handled the leaving better instead of going for an quasi mind-wipe of all the characters’ remembrances of Mr. Queen. I mean, CJ went from being horrified at Mr. Queen acting like a perfect little queen for a few seconds a mere handful of episodes ago to just asking "why the formality" at a more permanent display of temperament and seemed practically oblivious otherwise. Then Choi and Yeon were "shocked" when So Yong didn't revert to her witch of the palace act and chastise the maids that were laughing by the pond - as if Mr. Queen didn't already change that way of thinking months ago. Not to mention that they were also nonplussed by the fact that their relationship to the queen had gone from being regarded as family back to a servant/master status quo. Even with the soulmate angle, there was to much deus ex machina thrown in. The idea of soul mates is a romantic one, but the execution of it fell through.

They should have never gone with the reincarnation route, especially if they were never intending to let SY have a true voice in the drama, even if it’s just a final conversation between herself and BH before he leaves, made possible in that split second before true separation. Viewers never got to bond with her, and in those moments we did see her, she was either a watered down version of the personality we were emotionally invested in or emphasized the opposite characteristics (demure, feminine, etc...) that we loved Mr. Queen for rejecting. Also, this angle gives us no true feeling of completeness and satisfaction. SY is with CJ in the past - we won't see them develop their feelings for each other and grow to like them as a couple. BH is in the present but who knows if he'll find CJ's reborn soul and happiness with whoever it is. Promises without fulfillment demand too much from the audience to fill in the blanks. If that's the case, next time just give us a tag line and tell the audience to imagine the rest.

Even if they share the same soul, we are given two distinct personalities and not enough connection between them in terms of their recognizing each other, acknowledging their feelings for CJ to each other in some sort of passing the flame moment that would make it feel more homogeneous and prevent feelings of resentment at what we perceive as an injustice to a personality we adore.

Instead of creating an emotional divide between the two, they should have just have SY die before BH's soul enters, and develop the romance between CJ and HB's as the novel and even that cheap and campy Chinese version did. Having SY there just muddied the waters, and became a distraction and an excuse for every emotional milestone Mr. Queen experienced, negating that character's development and laying it at SY's feet or claims of deliberate interference.

They should have chosen a fictional king and not boxed themselves into a limited outcome. Granted, it gave them a valid reason for booting BH back to present times, but look at the result: limited number of years with someone the audience isn't really familiar with for our beloved ML (plus their baby dies) and a huge question mark for our F-turned back into ML in the present with the hope that maybe the reincarnation thing works in his favor but who knows because they couldn't even toss us that small crumb which would have alleviated some of our heartache for BH as well as give more credence to the fact that SY/BH are the same and thereby lessened the feelings of resentment to the SY character as well. Or they could have gone with a multiverse theory and left it wide open as to what sweeping changes would occur. BH being initially thrown back to the Joseon era as a result of his dying would have achieved that because then the audience would have no reason to revisit the present nor see that the worlds were linked via changes upon his return and stuck with the poisoning threat averted. Blow recorded history to smithereens and leave that to our imagination instead.

Yes, the fish-out-of-water hijinks were great fun, but the completion of the character arcs/relationship/etc...shouldn’t be an afterthought. 

The other element I would have liked to have seen that was in neither of the televised versions (though the Chinese one came very, very close) but was in the web novel is the king fully accepting that his wife is not the woman she was, believing that her previous body was a man, falling in love regardless and she with him. However, I think we all knew that wasn’t going to happen in a kdrama. 

[zodiyack]

The Artist Behind His Heart

Requested by @morganofthecoves1: Hi! Can I request a Roman Sionis x plus size reader oneshot, if your ok with it. I had the idea that the reader is the one who created most of the art Roman owns. He takes her out for meals and invites her around to 'talk' about art but really he actually likes her. The reader is insecure so she doesn't realise that he flirts with her but she is also wary of him because she's heard rumours about him (AKA he kills people). Thanks!

Pairing: Roman Sionis x Plus sized!Female!Artist!Reader

Warnings: Insecurities, mention of the peeling of faces (it’s Roman guys), swearing, fluff, slight accidental ooc Roman(?), not proofreading

Note: I apologize if this is sucky, again, I ran into a bit of a block. I hope you like it apart from that! And I’m so sorry this took a bit! I’ve been busy and had some more tough writer’s block, but I’m pushing past it! Again, I’m sorry if this is eh

taglist: @stardancerluv @matth1w​ @redspaceace​

masterlist

Roman checked the clock before heading out, fixing his hair and breathing heavily. He breathed into his hand, then popped in a mint. Sionis, sprucing up? It’s a normal sight, but not as normal as him being nervous as he did so. Like a teen boy going to pick up his first date, he was a bit panicky.

Y/n was the woman who did his artwork for him, most of it at least. She was a cute lady, one that Roman had the feels for. He often enjoyed going and eating with her, preferably in places that didn’t know him all too well. He wanted to avoid scaring the girl away, wanted desperately for this to last, and possibly, evolve into something more.

The driver followed his directions, taking him to some random restaurant Victor recommended. There she sat, waiting by the door, sketchbook in hand. He found himself smiling, her state of distraction allowing him to look over her features without being weird. He admired her, her body, her art, and with his eyes- he admired every bit of her every time they met up.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have the guts to ask her out quite yet. Roman was known for peeling the face free from whomever it was that wronged him. Or just lose his temper so bad they had to do it in the end. He wouldn’t be able to take it if Y/n rejected him, so he couldn’t take the chance.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t just demand it of her, it was because he didn’t want to. He always got everything he wanted. Y/n was a bit shy, and was frequently confused by his flirting. Maybe, for once, Roman could get something on his own? It didn’t matter what anyone else thought, Roman was determined.

“Hello, darling.”

Her head shot up, her eyes were the size of saucers. “Hello! I’m sorry if I’m in the way.”

“Don’t fear, dearest, you’re nowhere near in the way. Come, I hate to prevent you from eating any longer.” He walked over to the door and held it open for her, smiling genuinely as she walked past him into the building.

Roman spoke to the waiter, asking for a seat in the spot Y/n liked most, wanting to make her happy. The waiter led them to their seats and handed them menus. “What will you be having, my dear?”

“Uhm... probably the f/f, please.” She smiled shyly and looked down, returning to her sketchbook while she waited for Roman to order.

“So, Y/n, any new projects for me?”

“Actually, yes! I was thinking, perhaps a portrait of you and Mr. Zsasz? Or maybe a new sculpture? You said last time that you wanted more, but you didn’t specify what you wanted more of, so I drew whatever came to my mind.”

She flipped her sketchbook around and let him look through it, nibbling on her lip with anticipation. Roman took his time on each page, not even bothering to hide the smile that grew on his lips. Once he had finished looking through it, he handed it back to her.

“Shit, those are nice!” Y/n thanked him and went back to her sketchbook. An idea popped into his head after the silence took over. “Y/n?”

“Yes?”

“May I ask, are you seeing someone?”

She blushed and looked away, “No.”

“No? Why would a beautiful woman like you be all alone?” He chuckled for a second, “Then again, no one deserves your beauty and talent.”

“Mr. Sionis-”

“Please, call me Roman.”

“Roman, I don’t understand.”

He folded his hands an reclined in his seat. “Don’t understand what?”

Before she could answer, the food was delivered. Roman almost snapped at the waiter for interrupting Y/n, but remembered the exact reason that he Victor chose the place. He wanted to prevent Y/n from seeing the side of him he thought she was most likely to fear, and his emotions were no exception. It took everything, literally everything, in him not to yell. But Y/n was worth it.

“This is good...” Y/n mumbled after a bit. Their food was almost finished and Roman had yet to talk to her about his feelings. “So...what other projects would you like me to work on?”

“Why would I need you to work on anything when there’s already a work of art right in front of me?”

She looked around, still oblivious to his advances. “I guess. This places has some cool works... I should ask who their artist is, maybe I could get some advice from them, ya know?”

Roman sighed. He didn’t understand why she wasn’t getting his hints. They were becoming more and more obvious too. “Sure. Uh, Y/n, have I ever told you how extraordinary you are?”

“Every time, Mr-” she corrected herself before she could say his last name, “Roman. I just don’t know why you do.”

“Because it’s true. Just like when I say how beautiful you are. I’m an honest man, Y/n.”

“I- I never said you weren’t- my apologies, Roman.”

He frowned. “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for, it’s me actually. I can see now that you aren’t interested, yet I keep fucking pushing it. I’m sorry, Y/n.”

She stopped, completely caught off guard by his sentence. “Excuse me?” Her tone probably came of the wrong way, as Roman looked hurt. “No! I mean, no, I didn’t mean it that way...”

The waiter came by to give them a check, then took it back after Roman filled everything out with visible annoyance towards the interruption. The boy turned and left as quickly as he cold.

“Well what way did you mean it then?” He could feel his patience growing thinner, with himself and Y/n.

“I was just curious- you said that I’m not interested? Interested in what?”

Relief. Maybe he did have a chance after all. “I’ve been flirting, Y/n. You don’t react the way I thought you would, so, after a while, I thought you weren’t interested.”

“What?”

“Flirting? The thing you do when you’re romantically interested in someone?”

She rolled her eyes with a small smirk, “I know what flirting is. I’m just... confused. Why you... would flirt... with me.”

“Who wouldn’t flirt with you? You’re fucking breathtaking!” Roman spoke as if her not knowing her own beauty was a personal offense to him. And honestly, he felt it was. “Here, how about this, you let me take you on an actual date, no art, no business, just romance?”

Y/n averted her gaze to think. There were pros and cons to being with Roman Sionis, one major con was the rumors of things he did. Would she want to get involved with that kind of life? Would he force her to get involved?

Then again, Roman was kind to her, saw past her exterior and into her heart. There isn’t that many kind of people in Gotham, especially as many as handsome as Roman.

‘If anything bad happens, I still had my rights of backing out,’ she told herself.

“Y/n?”

“Alright. It’s a date...” He helped her pack up her art supplies, and held the door for her as they exited the restaurant. “But Roman?”

“Yes?”

“Why, exactly, are you asking me out?” It still bothered her. Was he using her as a dare? Was he just using her for her work? He was Roman fucking Sionis, he could do anything he wanted, yet he could use her without her even knowing it.

His smile dropped and his brows raised. “Why?” Roman chuckled loudly. Y/n was thankful they were outside and not in the crowded place anymore. “Look at you! You’re talented, kind, smart, funny! All of you is gorgeous! I’ve been dying to ask you out for a while!”

“You have?”

“Well... yes. Wasn’t it obvious? The consistent flirting and offers?”

Although Y/n hid the blush on her face by looking down, Roman cupped her cheek softly and tilted her head upwards to look at him. They held eye contact for what felt like forever, their orbs were studying each other so intensely, before he finally leaned in and touched his lips to hers.

Y/n was taken aback with shock, but quickly recollected herself and wrapped her arms around his neck. When they separated, Y/n giggled shyly, the blush on her face had spread.

“Don’t hide..you’re beautiful, angel. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, at 7, deal?”

She nodded eagerly. “Deal.”

[monomonomagines]

How the would the DR2 boys react to finding themselves cornered by a killer with their s/o, but their suddenly throws glitter into the face of the killer and grabs them and runs off to safety?

I’ll try not to ramble too much as usual but I really enjoyed this request. It’s so simple but silly at the same time so I hope that what I wrote can be just as amusing to you. If not, feel free to tell me I goofed and I’ll gladly fix it up for you! Thanks again for requesting, I hope it’s to your liking! 

Teruteru

Teruteru may seem calm from his usual disposition but he’s quick to lose his cool when he’s backed into a corner.

As soon as he’s cornered with you next to him, he’d be ready to try to protect you.

He’d try his hardest to make it so that you could get away even if he couldn’t.

He’d be fine as long as you were ok, so he’d hold his arms out in front of you ready to defend you long enough to get as far away as possible when you’d pulled out some glitter and flung it into the would-be killer’s face.

Getting some glitter granule in their eyes they couldn’t help but to bring their hands up to their face in pain, dropping their weapon.

You could’ve stayed there and overpowered them or something but as this was your chance to get out you decided to take it.

You grabbed Teru’s hand pulling him along as his eyes were still wide in shock.

“How’d yah know ta do that?” He asks, accent slipping out due to pure shock.

“Oh, I didn’t. I was just desperate to get away so I guess it just came to me there.”

“Remind me never to get on your bad side.”

Ultimate Imposter/BBB

As someone that cares for all of his friends, the Ultimate Imposter would be willing to sacrifice himself to keep anyone else safe.

He’d be especially willing to do that for you though. He’d protect you at all costs just like he promised to do so for everyone else.

He’d valiantly announce that he’d take care of this fiend and tell you to run like Teru, only he wouldn’t hesitate in the slightest.

He was always prepared for any situation so he could deal even with someone cornering the two of you.

What he couldn’t handle was you disregarding his orders, staying beside him to reach into your pocket.

“S/o, didn’t I tell you to run!?” He lectures quite angry until you throw a handful of glitter into the face of the attempted murderer.

The look on his face was absolutely priceless but you knew you didn’t have time to admire how hilariously shocked he looked.

You had to get out of there! You took his larger hand in your own running away as he composes himself.

“Why did you disregard my order? I had the situation under control.” He chides, quite shaken up still.

“Well, we needed to get out of there and I didn’t want you to take a murderer on alone. You always protect everyone else so can I not protect you?” You ask, a bit sad that he didn’t seem happier that you both were safe.

The Imposter knew you meant well but he was just worried that you could’ve gotten hurt but seeing you sad felt just as bad as if you had been.

He’d sigh, grabbing your hands in his again with a small smile. “I am thankful, I just didn’t want you to risk yourself. You mean everything to me.”

Nekomaru

To corner Nekomaru was no small feat.

He was normally able to kick anyone’s ass that would dare to hurt the two of you.

That wasn’t the case now when the two of you were backed against the wall with a murderer mere inches away.

Like the Ultimate Imposter, he wouldn’t hesitate to protect you.

He was quick and strong there was no way he’d let that killer put a hand on you.

However, as ready as he was to fend off the killer, he really wasn’t ready for you to suddenly fling a handful of glitter their way.

The now would-be killer would cough as they inhaled some of the granules and Nekomaru would definitely take that chance to pick you up and run out of there.

He might not be as bright as the Ultimate Imposter or the others but he is definitely going to shower you with praises after.

“I would have never thought that glitter would work! You’re amazing S/o!”

Gundham

For Gundham Tanaka, Overlord of Ice to be cornered was no small feat.

How dare a simple naive like that corner and threaten the two of you.

He would be afraid although he wouldn’t show it and would resort to more flourished speech, threatening to vanquish that foe when you’d begin to reach into your pocket.

Expecting something that really could only dwell inside his own mind, Gundam would already be threatening the fiend that you were preparing an attack of your own.

However, the pure shock on his face told you that glitter was not one of the flashy attacks he had pictured.

He was frozen in place as though he really were made of ice and if not for you dragging him along probably would have remained that way.

However, once he does recover he is singing your praises.

“That was spectacular, my Dark Messiah. How did you know to deliver that fiend with a fierce sparkling cloud of doom?”

Not wanting to burst his bubble even with the weird name of your attack you just tell him, “Well, I’m always prepared to fight alongside my Dark Lord!”

Cue a whole lot of boisterous laughter coming from Gundham.

He’ll be so happy that you two overcame that murder attempt that he may even forget that you two were ever cornered in the first place.

Nagito

For the two of you to be cornered by a killer when you were supposed to be on a romantic stroll was just his luck.

He knew that his luck would probably take you, the most important person away from him so he was desperate to protect you.

Nagito moves fast even if he’s weak but he never felt so slow in the same moment that you reached into your pocket for something.

Why weren’t you running? He’d take his luck with the killer, he was more than willing to yet here you were reaching into your pocket for something.

As Nagito was ready to literally fling himself at the attempted murderer with everything he had he suddenly found himself blinded by a cloud of glitter.

He couldn’t tell what was going on but he could feel your hand and hear the clattering of the murder weapon falling to the ground.

It was no exaggeration that the glitter granules getting into his eyes killed but he was glad that he could tell the two of you were safe.

As soon as you two would stop running, he’d be trying to get more granule out of his eyes as delicately as he could while singing your praise.

“I was totally useless, but you S/o. You were amazing! Absolutely spectacular even! I don’t how I could ever deserve someone like you.”

He grins at you through his pained expression as you let out a sigh.

“I only did that to protect us both. Which includes you Nagito. You’re my boyfriend and I love you.”

“Aww, you love garbage like me?”

Oh boy, some things never change now, do they?

Kazuichi

Kazuichi was known to panic just at the notion that someone may try to kill him but for it to actually happen made him a total mess.

He was rather cowardly despite his big mouth and as much as you loved him, it could make scenarios like your current predicament worse off.

Kazuichi was totally paralyzed as soon as he understood what was going on.

Were you two really going to die here and now of all places?

He could feel his knees giving out as they drew closer, weapon in hand but as much as he felt like he could pass out he wanted to protect you.

He was ready to fling himself at the murderer, similar to Nagito. However, he definitely wasn’t all too keen on dying.

He was already a mess, tears and snot streaming down his face as he’d yell out, “I won’t let you hurt S/o!”

That was probably the worst thing he could’ve done though as right at the moment you took aim at your assailant, throwing a cloud of glitter into the air.

The glitter did do what was intended, harming the would-be killer but it also did quite the number to Kazuichi who had inhaled it.

You’d help him later but for now, what you needed to do was to grab his hand and run.

By the time you guys were far away enough, he’d be crying out about how awful that glitter was to get in his mouth more than anything.

“My throat still feels like it’s coated in the stuff!”

Man, was your boyfriend charming or what?

Fuyuhiko

The fact that someone dared to try to kill you and Fuyuhiko had him pissed as all hell.

He was ready to throw down and if not for you intervening would have nearly gutted the attempted murderer with their own weapon.

Immediately colliding his fist with your assailant’s face, you knew you’d need to intervene before he got hurt or possibly killed the other person so you stuck your hand in your pocket.

Fuyuhiko, not knowing what you’re up to though, would only be more pissed as you’re not running while he’s literally fistfighting an armed murderer.

“What the fuck are you doing S/o!? Get out of here before-”

Poof! A huge cloud of glitter was flung right into the murderer’s face as Fuyuhiko instinctively dodged whatever you just did.

If Fuyuhiko wasn’t dead set on getting out of there, you were sure at this moment he’d be cursing up a storm but for the time being, you grabbed him by his hand and dragged him along.

He’d catch on quickly, running alongside you until you were sure you were safe.

Then it was time for him to interrogate you.

“Why the fuck did you do that!? I could’ve handled that you know!”

He was red in the face with some glitter stuck in his hair as he let go of your hand, balling his own into fists.

“I was protecting us!” You tell him but he wouldn’t hear any of it right now.

It wouldn’t be until later that he’d acknowledge that you actually did the right thing.

“S/o, I know I got pissed with you earlier but that…that was actually pretty smart what you did there.”

Hajime

Hajime didn’t deny the possibility of being cornered or even murdered in this Killing Game, but for the both of you to be was another story.

Hajime knew that you were invaluable to him. He’d never want to leave you but he’d want to keep you safe more than anything.

He’d be willing to do whatever that’d take, even if it meant buying you enough time to run away.

He thankfully reacted quickly unlike Kazuichi, he was already planning on getting the murderer to chase after him as you’d run in the opposite direction but before anyone even went running something odd happened.

Why were you reaching in your pocket?

He was so confused that he was thrown off long enough for the murderer to lunge forward towards the two of you, only to be met with a face full of glitter.

“S/o, did you just!?”

Hajime would barely be able to get a word out as you drag him along telling him you’d explain later.

It wouldn’t be until a while after you two had slowed down that he’d finally wrap his head around it and even then he’s trying to make sense of it.

“Did you have that just for that occasion?”

He looked skeptical at his own question but he was still rather insistent so you decided to tell him the truth.

“No, I just happened to have it on hand.”

“Huh? I guess it was a good thing you thought to use it then.” He’d remark, still a bit shaken up. “We should go tell the others what happened.”

[tae-cup]

Give Me Love | KNJ Oneshot

Inspired by: Ed Sheeran’s “Give Me Love”

Pairing: non idol!Kim Namjoon x Cupid!Reader

Summary: You spent your life, destined to be alone, putting two pieces together. Suddenly, you meet someone that just refuses to be struck by your arrow.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 3.3k Words

A/N: I’m sorry, I wrote this at like 1 am so it’s a little rushed. My brain just threw up onto the page and I couldn’t stop myself. Ahhhhhhh school is back and I’m dying. Pardon me for slow updates! 

Other: Masterlist

Give me love like never before 'Cause lately I've been craving more And it's been a while but I still feel the same Maybe I should let you go

      The string bends with ease despite the thousands of years you have used it. No one saw the golden light shimmering around you. In fact, most people passed you by without a second thought. No one paid a second of their time to watch the odd girl pulling back her arms like she were drawing an arrow back. You just felt it would be better if people thought you crazy instead of seeing your bow and think they were about to die. Die of love, maybe. You shot the arrow into the unsuspecting woman and then wrapped the red string from the previous arrow around the end of a new one. Once both were securely tied together, you pulled the string back and hit the front of a man walking in the other direction. 

         They met, fell in love, blah blah blah, the rest is history. You shouldered your arrows and continued on the way to work. You had to check in for a new assignment today. The goddess had proclaimed it was of the utmost importance. 

       You weren’t exactly the warmest person, but you weren’t cold. After all, your job was to make people fall in love with each other. You obviously had to love love. There were many cupids who could be content with this, you were one of them. Watching others fall in love should be a replacement for your own hole. That’s what the mentors had always said. 

       Well, you excelled at that. Despite the loneliness, at least you were immortal and at least you could live a somewhat normal life. The goddess of love herself gifted all her cupids expensive apartments and, despite being immortal, gave them unlimited spending money. What for? Who knew. However, she always looked kindly upon those who were frugal and modest. You somehow managed to convince her that you were one of those cupids. So, you could get away with quite a bit of rule breaking. 

        Such as procrastinating on assignments and sweeping them under the rug if you felt like it. As long as you got it done before the deadline, you were in the clear. You owned exactly half of Seoul. The other half was run by Jimin, an excitable cupid with high hopes. 

       Together, you two oversaw all love affairs in Seoul, Korea. Jimin dealt with the more northern side while you handled the more southern side. Which was why it was a shock to have the packet of a Mr. Kim Namjoon thrown in front of you. Not only was this a task better fitted for an experienced cupid, not that you didn’t have 45,000 years of experience, but it also took place on Jimin’s turf. 

        “Who is this and why?” You demanded.

        “Read the file and you’ll learn about him. Now, I won’t tell you why, that would spoil the fun.” The goddess’ eyes twinkled. “However, I want you to remember your contract, Y/N.” 

        “You’re just teasing me now. I can’t fall in love. You don’t need to remind me.” You frowned, glancing at the paper. The man was handsome, you’d give him that. Whoever is his soulmate is a lucky person. 

        It was tricky, the whole cupid business. Mainly because soulmates are decided by the cupids. It’s an immediate draw. You just know. If a cupid messed up...well, that’s why there was divorce. Just two people who weren’t meant to be. Those cupids were always reprimanded and depending on the severity, maybe even fired. You had a squeaky clean track record and had learned to close yourself off rather quickly. 

         All new cupids go through a period of depression, hopelessness, longing. It was simply because they were born into a contract that prohibited the thing all beings so innately desire; love. A cupid cannot love and give love at the same time. It distracted from the job and made you blind. 

         Kim Namjoon is an odd fella. You thought to yourself as you observed him. You needed to know everything you could about him in order to correctly match him. Yes, you may get the sense, but cupids that solely used their sense had often been fired. 

         Eternity can be boring too, but you wanted to see what the world looked like in a thousand years, or even a hundred. That’s what kept you going. You had been watching Namjoon from a distance for the past month. He traveled around Seoul a lot, often for work, and you had yet to feel his soulmate’s presence. When you did get close, there was a pleasant tingle in your stomach that spread to the rest of your limbs. It disgusted you. 

         You had experienced love enough to know that feeling, but it was impossible. So you pushed it down, full well knowing it would never go away. Perhaps if you just matched him with another woman who had similar compatibility, you could get away with that. And even if they divorced, surely it would be okay to have just one strike on your record? 

        In all honesty, you were terrified of love. But as you observed him day after day, each one marching towards the deadline, you couldn’t help starting to like him. You noticed the little things. 

       Like how he always ordered his coffee; black with two creams and no sugar. The way he smiled with the smallest of dimples, the way his knee moved up and down when he was nervous. How he always leaned in and gave you his undivided attention. It was the little things that made this so hard. Could you even find someone who would notice them as you had? 

        It was much to your happiness, or dismay, when he ran into a nice looking girl at the coffee shop. You watched their interaction. The girl was obviously interested, pretty looking too, while she brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Perfect. You looked at your watch. You had two weeks and this had already taken too long. You needed two weeks to show that a match worked before it was approved by superiors. Y/N, you’ve got to do this now. 

        Your hands shook but you drew the arrow back. Despite the nerves, you never missed. You tied the end of a red string to your arrow and then the other end to another. With a deep breath you aimed eyes squinting against the sunlight’s glare as it hit the big windows of the coffee shop. Just as you were about to let fly, he turned and looked at you, surprise written across his face. 

         Impossible. But that wasn’t the first time you had used that word in correlation to Namjoon. You let fly, your hands not fidgeting, as you tried to shake off his gaze. It missed. It crashed into the wall before disintegrating entirely. 

       Your mouth went dry as you watched him turn to look at the wall and back to you. He didn’t seem scared and when his eyes met yours, you felt...calm. Namjoon mouthed something to the girl and exited the coffee shop. As quickly as you could, you shouldered your bag and ran. Your heart thumped wildly against your chest as you raced away. I’ll get him another day. It must have been a trick of the light. And yet you weren’t quite sure if the quickened pace of your heart was because of the running or you chance encounter with the man that could ruin your life. 

                You tried your best to remain a silent observer, but that was proving harder as the deadline drew closer. Every morning you would wake up with a splitting headache and the strong urge to find something missing. But there’s nothing that’s missing! You thought as you gathered your bow and arrows. At first, you just thought he was clumsy or that you were nervous. But it became apparent as the days stretched on that you just couldn’t hit him. It was frustrating, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit the truth or to match him with someone he so obviously wouldn’t be right for. 

          Namjoon was watching out his car window. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel in his parking space. He had felt the eyes of someone watching him for a long time. It made him paranoid. Then he saw..you. He didn’t know who you were or why you were watching him, but he needed to find out. 

          Somehow, he never felt uncomfortable under your gaze. You even relaxed him sometimes, a supporting presence from far away. Namjoon himself felt like a lost cause. Most of his nights were spent at a club, trying to fill the hole in his chest or drowning in his own bile while swallowing drink after drink. With your presence, he just didn’t feel the need to and if you were being forced to watch him, he didn’t think it was fair to drag you to that noisy place every night. 

            Yet, he just needed to meet you, talk to you. Every fiber of his being was calling out for you. It had been a dull ache, but now that he saw you, he couldn’t take his mind off it. The pain had a name, the pain had a face, the pain had a voice. And he wanted to know all of it. He wanted to devour the information, to get to know every inch of you. 

           It was so silly. Namjoon was an impulsive person, but he was never this stupid with his emotions. The ache didn’t go away, as much as he pushed it down. Sitting in his car, thinking, and watching the passing cars, made his mind up. He was going to figure out who the hell you were. 

                   So here you were, quite literally an angel in the darkness. Slipping through the dense cluster of bodies on the technicolor dance floor and ignore the bass that pounded into your bones. You followed him, a man far too clumsy to be in such a place. He pushed into the crowd, and therefore you did as well. Your arrow was in hand. I surely cannot miss at such a close distance. You could feel yourself getting lost in the music.

        You tried your best to pay attention solely to the man disappearing in front of you and the breathing in your own chest. Clubs always made you dizzy, like you were about to lose your goddamn mind. Your fingers splayed, reaching out to grasp his arm. Your hand found purchase on his shirt and you tugged, pulling him back towards you. 

        “It’s about time.” He smirked. You let your hand fall. You’re not supposed to directly interact with assignments, remember? Well, you had just fucked that up big time. You had been played. 

        “So who are you? Some angel? A soulmate? What’s with the arrow?” He shouted over the music. Ah, Namjoon, ever the curious one. If you spoke now, would you be able to take it back? But your mouth was moving faster than your brain. 

        “Well, technically, I’m a cupid.” You explained lamely. “I’m supposed to find your soulmate, but you refuse to be struck and-wait you can see this?” You held up the slim arrow in your hand. 

         “Uh, yeah.” He shrugged. “You’re holding a goddamn arrow.” 

         “Most people can’t.” You murmured inaudibly. The pulsing music made your head feel fuzzy, out of control, and though you wanted to pull away from him, he held onto your waist. 

          “So you’re a cupid? Tell me more.” Namjoon grinned, unbothered by the new information. He had a feeling you were something supernatural with the arrows, the presence, and watchful eyes. 

           “I make people fall in love.” You tried to be vague, but he made you want to open up about yourself. He made you want to pour out all your heartache, the pain of watching others but never having that joy for yourself. It was a curse you were blessed with, a certain pain that had been pushed down. 

           “So why haven’t I?” 

           “You’re...difficult.” You faltered in your words. “The arrow misses you every time.” 

           “Is that possible?” 

           “My aim has never been off. It must be the fates.” 

           “Am I destined to be loveless?”

          “Join the club.” You smiled softly, your gaze long broken. 

          “Well, you’ll always have love in your life as a cupid, right?” His hand gripped your waist tightly. He leaned in, his lips dangerously close. You shouldn’t kiss him, you shouldn’t even be interacting, but here you were, unable to pull away. 

           “I’m not allowed to.” You turned away. There was only one way you could do this, and you weren’t sure if you wanted it to be that way. The goddess of love always allowed one night stands for her cupids, but nothing more. She was merciful. That’s what they always said. 

            “Then how about tonight, no strings attached?” But the look in his eyes said otherwise. You frowned. Did you want him for only one night, never to touch again? Yes. 

             “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” You murmured, pulling away abruptly and rushing to the exit. The room was heating up, the music was too loud, the place was too crowded. You felt nauseous. 

             “Wait!” He shouted, chasing you out into the street. “What’s your name?” 

             You turned your head, pausing as you thought it over. It wouldn’t be too bad, right? After all, you knew everything about him and he knew nothing about you. Your hair whipped around in the breeze of the night. 

            “Y/N.” The cars passed by and you were gone. 

            You had never failed a mission so poorly. Your superior didn’t look very happy as she watched you shift uncomfortably. 

             “You could’ve had a one night, you know? But no, you made him a liability. You told him the name of a cupid. Your name, yes, but a name nonetheless. You need to find his soulmate, not meddle in his business.” 

              “I just...” You twiddled your thumbs awkwardly. “I just get this feeling that his business is my business.” You placed a hand over your heart. “There’s a pain, right here.” 

              “Ridiculous, Cupids don’t have soulmates. That’s how the goddess makes sure we are doing our jobs.” She scoffed and stood, pulling out his file. “Unless you want to leave behind your job as a cupid, you won’t be going anywhere any time soon.” 

               As she left the room, stating the rules plainly, you couldn’t help but wonder ‘Is the unknown future more important than my present?’ Death scared you shitless. You actually admired humans for this. They had death thrown at them at every angle and yet they lived on, oblivious. How foolish, humans were. Or maybe you were foolish for having one as your soulmate. 

                 The future was bleak, but at least you could hope for a future. Your hands felt over your waist, caressed the spots he touched. His lips that were so tantalizingly close that night. You pressed two fingers over your mouth, wondering what it would feel like if he had just leaned in a little closer. But proximity was the biggest worry. You just needed to avoid him and it would all be fine. 

               Avoiding him proved harder than you thought. He was somehow always where you were. Most of the time it was easy to lose him in a crowd or walk right past him in the street, but there were certain times where that got a lot harder. 

             “Y/N? Y/N?” The barista called your name and set your drink down. Two people looked up. You. And Namjoon. With a sigh, you stood from your seat and grabbed your drink. When you turned around, he was standing right there. 

              “Did I do something wrong, cupid?” His smirk was not helping your racing heart. 

              “I can’t talk to you right now.” You said quickly, pretending like you had somewhere to be. 

              “Fine. But can I at least take you out for dinner sometime? I get it, you’re one of those girls who doesn’t do one night stands. It’s okay.” He rambled. “I’ve been getting better at that as well.” 

              “I’ve got to go.” You physically couldn’t bring yourself to say no. It was terrifying and...exhilarating. You wanted to go on that date, you wanted to get to know him better. The longing made your chest hurt. But alas, things just don’t work out sometimes. You pulled away once more, trying to ignore the ghost touches on your hands, your hips, your waist. His breath against your face, like a warm caress. You needed to distance yourself and once he was dead, it would all be over.

200 Years Later

       Things were good. The hole in your heart was back, but at least you were seeing the future, you lived another day. 

       Do You believe in reincarnation? The words rung in your head. The goddess had asked you just yesterday, but now you knew what she meant. Your heart was aching, chest pounding. It was hard to breathe. 

        You turned from your spot in the coffee shop, breath halting. Those dimples, that smile, those eyes. The hands that touched you, once again far away. He turned, he saw you, he smiled. 

         You waved and he waved back with a confused look. It was him. 

        “Namjoon?” You walked towards him, the slightest of trembles in your voice. You couldn’t do this again. Last time, you avoided him successfully, but this time, you knew you wouldn’t be so lucky. The soulmate bond was back and it was bigger than ever. It felt like your heart might carve out of your chest if you didn’t do something. 

       “Do I know you?” His expression was of pain, a confusion you wished upon no one. Would he remember you? Of course not, but you could start again. If it wasn’t meant to be in that time, maybe now? But you were a cupid and he was a human. 

        “Yes, you do.” You said firmly. And you weren’t going to let him go so easily this time. You hesitantly reached out and laced your fingers together. “But I’d like to get to know you better.” 

        He wasn’t sure why he followed you, but he knew it was right. It was like all he ever wanted was laid out in front of him and he was left trailing like a lost puppy. 

           But last time isn’t this time. You smiled across from him at dinner. The restaurant was cozy, but the atmosphere was not. 

         “Wait so you’re a cupid and you’re breaking your contract...just to be with me?” He tilted his head. “Now that makes no sense. Soulmate or not, this just doesn’t seem like the right move for you.” 

         “I told you, I already met you, 200 years ago. You were a little different, but mostly the same.” You tried to explain. You just wanted to get through with this date and kiss him, but you had to remind yourself that you had 200 years to think and pine over him while he had about six hours. 

         “Okay...” He mulled it over, the pasta growing cold. “I think I know you, I can feel it.” He murmured. “But I’m going to have to think this over.”

         “Of course, take all the time you need.” Just not too long. You watched him carefully. “Hey Namjoon?”

         “Yeah?” 

        “Wanna get out of here?” 

          One Year Later

          Mortality was...endless. Death was a finality that forced you to live until you could no longer. Mortality brought you closer to him. 

          “Namjoon, wait up!” You shouted, racing across the street as he got out of his car. 

         “Y/N!” He lit up, waving at you as he grabbed his things. It was warm like a summer’s day, despite the season being winter. When you reached him, he swung you around, an arm wrapping around your waist as he pulled you in. 

         Your lips touched, an explosion of galaxies. Moving against each other like waves lapping upon the beach. he’s here. And he’s with you. That’s all you could think of as you pulled away. Your cheeks were flushed as he smiled at you. 

        “Hi.” You said breathlessly. 

       “Hi.” He responded, in a similar state. 

       Your heart let out a kick, the butterflies gathered. Impossible. You had once thought it impossible for someone like you to feel it...love. Yet, impossible was a word you often associated with Namjoon. And you wanted more. 

      You tied a red string to the end of an arrow. The last two arrows your goddess gifted you. She claimed you had to use it for something ‘worth it’ As she said. You took out the arrow and pointed it at him. 

      “You ready?” 

      “Ready as ever.” He grinned, staring at the sharp tip. You nodded and shot him a gentle smile as you stepped forward, closing your lips around his once more as you plunged the arrow into him. He didn’t make a sound, it felt like a soft touch, not an arrow plunging into his skin. You tied the string to the end of the other arrow and pulled away. You placed the tip to your chest and his heart leapt at the image. The red string hummed with energy. 

        You took a deep breath and pressed the tip into your chest. The arrows disappeared and a red string glowed vibrantly in between you two before slowly fading. You wanted his love, wanted more of him. And you didn’t have to hide it anymore. 

         He stepped forward cautiously and then swept you up in his arms. 

      “It feels like I’ve been waiting years for that.” He said huskily. 

      “You don’t even know how long I’ve waited.” 

Give a little time to me or burn this out We'll play hide and seek to turn this around All I want is the taste that your lips allow My, my, my, my, oh give me love My, my, my, my, oh give me love

[scandeniall]

bad news

pairing: kuroo x reader

summary/warnings: You thought you were enough for him to leave the dangerous life behind, however hes just to close to quit. Inspired by this. /streetfighter!kuroo, angst (?) mentions of blood, mention of deaths. No major character death, however, this isn’t a happy tale. 

wc: 2.2k

The air is thick as you dab at bloodied skin. Your face is blank and you can’t find it in yourself to even react at the grip on your waist that tightens with every sting of the alcohol soaked cotton round. “(Y/N)-”

“Don’t even. Not right now Kuroo” the warmth on your waist disappears as his hands fall to rest on his lap. The two of you don’t even catch eyes as you place the band aid on his cheekbone. “Take your shirt off.” He wordlessly complies as you take the dirty garment tossing it in the hamper behind you. You eye the damage before letting out a sigh. “‘M gonna be right back.” He only offers a sad smile, his heart breaking at the look of disappointment. While you’re gone Kuroo’s mind is racing. He flashed back to all the times he promised he’d stop. To all the nights you literally begged him to stop. You told him time and time again that he didn’t need to continue to fight. The two of you could figure it out some other way. It had gotten to the point where you were willing to leave him, your relationship and the love you built behind. And so he lied. Said he’d stopped taking on the high paying and dangerous fights offered to him. He even promised that he’d only fight as a last resort and that he had been taking on odd jobs here and there to bring in some money. Those last resort fights only dealt with low paying newbies and that he had been working on getting a new job. He’d gone out of his way to make sure you didn’t find out.

He’d taken the makeup cover up skills he’d learned over the years to cover the bruises. He’d gone to different people he met over the years to patch him up after a fight. He made sure not to wince in pain around you and only slept near you both with a shirt and the lights off. He hid his payments, continually telling himself that if he could just keep saving the two of you could one day run away into your own paradise. 

One where the bills weren’t piling up and you didn’t live in an apartment whose floorboards were so weak that you feared falling through the floor. A world where he could go back to school and pursue his goals of becoming a doctor and help others instead of hurting them. Where he didn’t have to say goodbye to you at ungodly hours of the morning as you went to work the shifts no one else wanted just so the two of you could get by. 

Gentle hands coaxed him out of his thoughts as you slid yourself back between his legs. “It’s not too deep thank god. You won’t need any stitches, but this is gonna hurt a lot. You should stay in bed for a few days though” The words came void of any emotion as you dabbed a wet cloth along his side. He hadn’t even heard you come back and run the water. Kuroo allowed himself to accept your help in silence, not missing the way your fingers would lightly trace along the tattoos on his ribcage. He could tell you were tired just by your movements. Not physically tired. Mentally tired of this life and that scared him. The fear of you having enough and leaving for someone far more deserving plagued his thoughts. When he first started street fighting for money you’d aided his wounds with sweet touches and the continual check in and reassurance that he was ok. But that was when the stakes were lower, he didn’t come home battered to the point where he could barely walk, nor did he walk the edge of death every time he went to fight. The relatively shallow gashes along his side, blackened eye and scrape against his jaw were nothing to care for. While tonight wasn’t the worst shape he’d ever come home in, it indicated that he had lied. Kuroo quietly took the shirt you’d handed him as you finished. You still hadn’t met his eye as you rinsed the bloodied rag. He could only offer a whispered thanks as you told him you were all done. As you rang out the cloth a hand grasped your wrist and Kuroo couldn’t help but close his eyes at the flinch it incited. “(Y/N). We need the money.” “And I need you alive.” This time it was his turn to flinch. Your voice bounced off the tiles and went straight to his heart, especially the way you snatched your arm away as if he had burned you. He watched as you took a deep breath, and knowing you it was a futile attempt at not saying anything that would break you. “Kuroo— I don't know what to do anymore or how to feel. I don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this.” Your words felt like a dozen bricks piling onto his chest. The grip on your wrist tightened as he pulled you into him, thankful at the fact that you even allowed him to envelop you in his arms. “Baby-don't do this.” The crack in his voice rang through your own ears. You even picked up on his nervous kick against the bathrooms counter. One of the hands that had secured around your middle made a move towards the back of your head, holding you to him. You found your stiffened posture softened just the slightest as you nibbled on your bottom lip in thought. “I’m not,” you spoke after what felt like an eternity of silence. “But You lied to me. You fucking promised Kuroo,” the words came in a flood of emotions, and for the first time that evening you met his eyes. He could see the mixture of anger and hurt swirling in your eyes. “You said you were gonna stop-”

“But we need the-”

Your humorless laugh stopped him mid sentence as you pushed yourself out of his arms. “Don’t you dare make this about the money. What good is money when you’re bleeding to death in some dark ass alley. I can’t do shit with money if you're dead.” He watched as you dug the heels of your palms into your eyes in frustration and wanted nothing more than to pull you in and make it better. “I stay because I’m so in love with you that it hurts. I hope to any god that can hear me that when you leave out the house that you’ll make it back to me. That I don't get a call with some bad news.”

He winced as he slid off the bathroom’s counter and crossed over to you. As he analyzed your face he noticed just how exhausted you were. The bags under your eyes seemed deeper than he last remembered. You were fidgeting a lot more than usual, nearly shaking. Your skin didn’t glow in the same way it usually did, and then it clicked painfully tugging at his heart strings. 

You had been working more and more hours, under the guise that he had been slowly coming to a stop with the fights. It's part of the reason it was much easier to fool him. By the time you’d usually see each other at the end of the night, you were delirious due to exhaustion. That, piled on with the never ending fear of your love not making it not home to you at the end of the night eating at your subconscious? It was enough to drive anyone mad. “And you won’t baby,” he took a careful step closer to you.”

“You don’t know that Kuroo! The fights you’re doing- they keep getting more and more dangerous. What are you gonna do when someone brings a fucking gun one day. Huh?. The a shallow cut is a fucking bullet hole and you can’t get somewhere for help fast enough.” He could only look down in shame as you yell. It was true, he didn’t know that he’d be ok for certain. The fear of dying had long disappeared from him, and the only thing he worried about was making sure you were ok. An action that while it may have helped on a materialistic level, ate away at your mental. “What if I have to come identify your body one day. Having to look at all the tattoos and think back on the stories about them, knowing I’d never get to hear them repeated for the 100th time. What if I’m left having to bury you.”

He remembered when he’d first started the fighting. It had come after he met a guy one night who ran the underground ring. He’d just lost his mother, the last remaining relative and her hospital and funeral expenses were completely draining. Not to mention the student loans for a degree he had to stop pursuing in order to get a shitty busboy job that just paid minimum wage. Despite only being together a little over a year, you offered to move in with him to split the costs and lessen his financial burden. You offered your own hard earned money to help him pay for the burial of his mom. The fact that you were doing this solely because you cared about him solidified that you were it for him. 

Whenever he woke up in a cold sweat, or keeled over in pain you were right there. Promising him that he was ok. That he was safe. Staying down through the ugliness that never seemed to leave the two of you alone. That home was always in your arms and it didn’t matter where you were structurally. The watery laugh escaping your throat, drew him from his thoughts once again. The tears you’d manage to suppress up until now hit the bathroom’s dingy yellow tiles. 

“God- I just thought I was enough for you.” His body moved faster than his mind could comprehend. It took two strides for him to have his arms wrapped around your shoulders holding you to him, as if you’d disappear if he let go. Kuroo couldn’t help the tears welling up in his own eyes. God, life was so unfair and you deserved more than he could ever give. Yet, for some reason you wanted him. He ignored the sting in his sides as your arms settled around his middle. 

“You are enough for me,” he whispered, repeating the phrase. “More than enough,” this time he moved his hands to cup your cheeks. “Every time I leave, I regret it. You make me want to leave that life behind baby and I promise that I’m going to do it. I just. I just need to save a little more and I’m out.” His thumb wiped a tray tear that fell following his words. Of course you knew he couldn’t necessarily just up and leave. At least not without a plan. Your job wasn’t nearly enough to pay for all the bills the two of you had. Your jaw clenched as you nodded, but he could see straight through the hesitation. 

His head fell into the space between your neck and shoulder as he exhaled a shaking breath, blinking away his own threatening tears. “I’ve been getting more lately. Been putting more away for us, and I’m almost there.” You couldn’t help but frown at his words. “Tetsu-”

“I know.” Of course he did. You always said the same thing whenever he felt the need to shoulder all the burden on his own. He stood up straight, dropping his arms as your hands raised to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. the back of his hair. “We’re a team. I know that. But, please. I need you to let me do this. I’m almost there ok?” While the fear of the unknown still lingered, your nod and words of confirmation came out slightly more confident. “Then, I’m leaving that shit behind. I’m telling Daishou that I’m out.” His lips came to gently brush against yours momentarily. 

“Promise me.” The words came out as a sentence and he knew the promise was more than just agreeing to leave the fight scene. It was him promising you that he’d be ok, and even though he knew there was no 100 percent guarantee he found himself nodding anyways repeating your words. “I promise.” The two of you found yourselves standing in silence before you were the first to break away.

“Just- take a few days off from the madness and just be here with me. I can call off for a few days, or just drop the extra shifts. Please” Despite the rational part of him thinking about the much needed money you both needed, he felt himself agreeing. You needed this, and so did he. After all, tomorrow was never promised. While there was still more to discuss, the two of you needed tonight to just pretend none of your problems existed. To love one another without fear. 

As the two of you laid together in bed, thankful for at least the moment both of your thoughts would occasionally wonder. Thoughts that were broken when the other said something, or when a gentle caress reminded you to be present. His thoughts of just a few more fights, and hoping he could keep his promises to you. He was so close, and he needed to give you the life you deserved. Your thoughts were hopes that he didn’t end up in a body bag. There was no way you could bear that bad news.

a/n: this is something i’ve wanted to do and write for a while. ever since this album came out last month (?) and when i thought about all the people my age in my city who has been lost due to street shit. so idk this was sobering and kinda therapeutic and of course i considered ending it on a bad note/death but i didn’t. idk street life tends to be glamorized in fiction, when its not beautiful and it hurts everyone who loves that person. 

[narwalbby]

assassination classroom babies dealing with quarantine headcanons ✨

Lizzie You’re literally my favorite person on this Platform, Thank you so much for all your support, I don’t deserve this 🤧💕

——————————

AssClass Quarantine Headcanons:

Class E:

This is the worst that could possibly happen to Nagisa. Poor boy has to stay with his damn Psycho Mom and she won’t let him go out ever. Korosensei secretly Checks on him every two days tho, just to make sure she doesn’t do anything too bad

Kirara secretly misses her Classmates (mostly the Terasaka Squad), but she uses her free time to learn new spells and to explore her hobbies a little deeper

since Itona only owns that Garage of his dad Terasaka has offered him to stay at his house

The Terasaka Squad does Videochats per Zoom every now and then, but it‘s so chaotic Kirara sometimes just leaves shhshs

Karma uses his time to either study, play Videogames or think of new ways to kill Korosensei

He never sleeps. Karma doesn’t know sleep

Now that his parents also have to stay home, he finally talks about them and how he feels neglected by them. It was a heartwarming Conversation and everything‘s a little better now

The Girls have an own Groupchat and have weekly Zoom Meetings, where they talk about how they’ve been doing and stuff

Sumire opened up a YouTube channel, where she shows people how she cooks all kinds of food! She‘s semi popular! (All thanks to Mimura and his Filming Skills)

Sugaya tries out new stuff with art. He made a sculpture, he drew with oil paint, tried out many cartoon styles and also pointed with Acrylic paint

His mom thinks about selling some of his pictures but he refuses (Never steal my mans art 😤)

Kayano feels very lonely without her Classmates and her Sister. She eats tons of Ice Cream and eventually gets over Nagisa!

She also watches a lot of Netflix in that Time, she stays up till 4AM Binge watching her favorite Series all over again

Takebayashi and Fuwa accidentally called each other but ended up talking for over two hours about Anime and Manga

They eventually bonded over this and now recommend each other the newest Manga and Animes (I love these two sm shshsh✨)

Okuda gets much more confident

She stopped braiding her hair and eventually even dyed it in a different color

When Karma and her had a Videochat with Nagisa both of them almost choked to death

Yoshida is so bored that he just rides on their private ground with his motorcycle, but after some time he just looses the fun in it

Muramatsu is tired of cooking Ramen and tries out some of Sumire‘s recipes! He‘s not a perfect cook, but he improves day to day! (Underrated Characters are superior, change my mind🍜💞)

Megu and Isogai Check on the others daily, like the responsible Class Preps they are! They make sure no one is sick and everyone is comfortable at home

Well, you see, Okajima would just watch Porn. I wish I could go deeper, but everytime I think about him it’s just... Porn.

Oh, but he misses his Classmates a lot. He looks at some photographs he made, and probably cries about it later

Maehara is bored to death since he can’t date any girls, but he and Isogai chat almost every day and he plays some video games with the others

Sugino practices a little Baseball in his Garden and accidentally breaks his Neighbours Window

Yup. They ain’t happy about it!

Hinano excercises a lot, just like Kimura does

Kimura has some days where he takes a walk or just runs a little while listening to music, it really relaxes him a lot and helps him to deal with the whole situation

Chiba and Hayami also Videochat very often, just like everyone else

Chiba once pinned his hair back, because he was doing some of Korosensei‘s Tasks, and Hayami just stared at him and almost started to cry

(I mean can you blame her, his eyes are beautiful 🥺)

Hinano reads a lot about bugs and Animals, and she also watches a lot of documentaries!

She also saved a little squirrel that almost starved to death in her garden, and she named him Squirrel-sensei, in honor of Korosensei

Rio doesn’t known what to do, so she just Chops her hair off

But it’s fine, short hair really suits her, and she loves it either way, she was just bored

For Kanzaki... she would probably sit in her room and play videogames with the boys

She once rage quitted and yelled

Maehara was so traumatized that he didn’t play games for 3 solid days

Big 5:

Gakushu hates being Quarantined with his father, but well, what can he do?

He does a lot of unnecessary extra work, but other than that he just thinks

About Class E, about his father, about his friends and about himself

He secretly loves watching Theories and Myths, so that’s probably what he does on weekends

Ren has no idea what to do, so he just calls his friends and they talk about basically everything

He also tried out nail polish, but it just wasn’t for him, so he immediately rubbed it off

Okay this one is canon and you can’t change my mind: Natsuhiko remembers every. Single. Word. From the Shrek Series.

He was done with all of his school work and he ended up watching it all over again until he memorized everything

Teppei doesn’t do much except homework, but he mumbled to himself a lot

It was a habit before the pandemic, but it has gotten worse

He also watches Documentaries and ends up watching some about the dumbest topics, for example Otters or something

Seo is depressed, because he and his family can’t travel to LA anymore (rich kid problems 🙄)

Teachers:

Like I already said, Korosensei checks up on each one of his student, and he gives them a lot of extra work to do

Only because he cares about them and their education of course

He‘ll try to find a way to still somehow teach them, but he hasn’t found one yet

Korosensei also could travel the world, but he doesn’t do it because he says it’s a bad example for his students

None of them really care tho

Irina basically begs Karasuma to let her be quarantined with him, but he just refuses like the stern type of guy he is

Karasuma does a lot of paperwork and avoids texts or calls from Irina

Irina gets mad at Karasuma a lot and shoves chocolate up her mouth and cries over him

Other than that, she orders many new clothes and tries out different styles and aesthetics

Her favorite so far is Cottagecore

Gakuho isn’t to fond of him and his son being quarantined together

They only eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together, and that’s it. Nothing else happening here

He tries his best to care for his school of course, but he somehow also wishes to make things right with Gakushu

He knows that it’s probably too late, so he just doesn’t say anything and remains going school work and correcting exams

——————————

Ahhhh I Hope this is Fine, it’s very Long but I‘m sure you don’t mind 👀

@kaidasen

[baseballbitch116]

Paul’s Imprint

Prompt: Paul imprints on Jacob’s crush/best friend

Word Count: 2371

Warnings: a little violence, fighting 

Masterlist

Prompt List | Submit A Request

As much as it sucked, Jacob could feel himself falling for his best friend, Y/N. The reason it sucked was because he hadn’t imprinted on her, and therefore, it meant she more than likely wasn’t his soulmate. And boy, he wanted her to be. He made no sense to him how he hadn’t imprinted - you guys are so alike. You have been friends for years, you get each other, you would make the perfect couple. And yet...

He had brought you over to the Reserve a handful of times, although you guys typically hung out around Forks. You had met all of the guys before, and you knew about their secret after an encounter where you almost became a vampire’s dinner during a walk through the woods. You had to admit, you enjoyed going over to the Reservation, specifically so that you could see a certain wolf you had grown a crush on.

You had not spoken to him before, only really seeing him from a distance when he was with the other guys, not paying you much attention, but you found Paul absolutely and ridiculously attractive. Something about him just drew you in, and you were dying to talk to him, to get to know him. It was a bit selfish, you were aware of that, but you weren’t really doing anything wrong. You just happened to want to go over Jacob’s house more often than not when you guys hung out. Of course, you weren’t aware that your best friend, whom you thought of like a brother, had grown a crush on you.

You were thrilled when you received a text from Jacob earlier that day asking if you would want to hangout at La Push beach, that the guys were gonna swim and do a fire and whatnot. Of course, you agreed without a second thought, silently praying that Paul would be there. You saw the pack shirtless basically every time you saw them(in fact, you couldn’t remember a time you had seen them with shirts on), but the idea of seeing Paul dripping in water and messing around with the guys in the water was enough to drive you mad.

You had a feeling that Jacob would not be happy to hear that you had a crush on one of his pack member’s, fearing that he would be overprotective, which is why you pretended that you hadn’t formed a huge crush on Paul. You hurried outside to Jacob on his motorcycle when he arrived to pick you up. You were very excited and hopeful for the night. You made sure to put on a little makeup to accentuate your features, but not going overboard since you would be swimming. You put on a black and red bikini, and a black tank top and denim booty shorts over that, with a sweater over that, just in case it got cold. 

“Hey, beautiful.” Jacob greeted you when you approached him, and you smiled sweetly at your best friend. It wasn’t very out of the ordinary for him to compliment you, you usually didn’t take it too seriously.

“Hey Jake.” You respond, hopping onto the back of his bike, accepting the helmet he hands you and wrapping your arms around his torso. You had to admit, you were obsessed with riding on the back of his bike - it made your adrenaline rush like crazy, it was the closest thing to flying that you have felt, since he will not let you go cliff diving.

You guys arrived to La Push in short time, and Jacob got off the bike before you in order to help you off. You removed the helmet from your head and swayed your head side to side a few times to get your hair out of your face, then accept Jacob’s hand and allow him to help you off of the large bike.

He doesn’t let go of your hand after helping you off, though, and you take notice of this, glancing between his smiling face and your hands. You don’t pull away. but become more aware of his seemingly flirty behavior toward you.

You greet the boys with a smile and give Seth a hug, your eyes instinctively looking around for Paul. You wish that you were friends with him, it would make everything so much easier for you. But it was like he had never even noticed you.

You spotted him in the water with Embry and Quil, messing around and fake fighting. You turn your gaze away in time when you spot him turning toward your direction. “Let’s go in the water, it feels good today!” Seth exclaims, and you nod at him, excited to get in there and cool off. It was one of those very rare hot days in Forks, and swimming sounded amazing right now.

You hear a whistle when you pull off your shirts from over your head and unbutton your shorts. Jacob shoots an evil glare toward Embry in the water and you just roll your eyes at the immature boys. “Now now, don’t fight over me.” You tease as you start walking into the water, completely oblivious of Paul now looking at you. He can only see you from the side, not getting a good look at your face, but he is entranced. You have an incredible body, and he had heard your voice, which sounded beautiful to him. He kept staring, trying to get a look at your face, until Quil hit his arm and snapped him out of his gaze, his attention now on the irritating boy that distracted him.

The water is still pretty cold but you stay in, agreeing to a game of Chicken with Sam Emily and Jacob. You laughed as Sam easily threw Emily over his shoulders, finding them just adorable. You take Jacob’s hand again as he kneels down for you. Embry grabs you by your waist and helps you up on top of Jake’s shoulders, and the boys start walking a little deeper into the water for you guys. You and Emily laugh hysterically as you try to knock each other off of the guy’s shoulders, unbeknownst that you are being watched again. But then, you look away from Emily when you finally notice Paul staring your direction, and suddenly its like you’re frozen. And the whole pack goes silent, stopping in place. Paul doesn’t look away for a single second, and you feel Jacob tense underneath you. Sam carefully takes Emily off of him and tells Jacob to put you down, which he does, grabbing you by your hips and not letting go when you are on the ground. “No.” He growls aloud, and you aren’t sure who he is talking to. You look between Jacob and Paul and realize that something is happening but you can’t tell what.

Paul finally stops staring at you, an expression on his face as if he just saw a ghost. You see his gaze drop and you feel like you are on fire under his intense stare. “What the hell is happening?” You mutter to Jacob, turning to face him, his hand still glued to your hip.

“Paul.” Sam says sternly, putting himself in front of Emily and taking your arm with his other hand, giving it a little tug and you take that as a big sign to get away from Jacob. What happened?! “You both need to calm down, right now.” Sam warns, looking between the two boys in an intense stare down.

“You can’t have her.” Jacob growls, and you see him trembling a little. Who?!

“Jake, what’s wrong? Hey, look at me.” You say, ignoring Sam telling you to get back and putting a hand on his bare chest. You touch his cheek and try to get your best friend to look at you, to no avail.

“Jacob. He can’t help it.” Sam says, telling Emily to go back onto the beach, and she tells you to come with her, which you finally agree, allowing her to lead you to safety. Your eyes return to Paul, who finally looks away from Jacob and to you, his eyes literally softening as he makes eye contact.

“Embry, what the hell is going on?” You exclaim frusterated as you watch Sam try to keep Jacob from turning. Embry gulps and takes a few steps closer to you, leaning in to whisper in your ear. “Paul just imprinted on you.”

Your heart drops from shock, and you have no time to even think about what he just said. “Get away from her.” You hear Paul growl, taking a few steps in your direction, and your eyes go wide at his reaction. 

“Paul!” Sam hollers, clearly losing control of the situation. Jacob suddenly grabs Paul’s shoulder angrily and forces him to face him.

“She is not your’s!” Jacob hollers, shoving Paul roughly, and you can’t take it. You run over in between the two boys and face Jacob, your back much too close to Paul as you try to get him to look at you again, ignoring everyone shouting for you to get away.

“Y/N get away!” Jacob hollers, and you feel a hand on your elbow, one that does not belong to Jake.

“Go on the beach.” Paul mutters to you, trying to pull you away from Jacob.

“Don’t touch her!” Jacob hollers, pushing you out of Paul’s grasp, not roughly, but with enough force that you move abruptly. And this clearly throws Paul over the edge, beginning to tremble and shake violently. You take a few steps backward, allowing Embry to pull you away with another holler from Sam, and you get away just quick enough before both Jacob and Paul shift, lunging at one another. You holler and scream for them to stop as they roll around snapping at one another viciously, but nobody listens.

The fight goes on for quite a while before it starts getting very out of hand, Jacob actually almost severely hurting Paul, and that is when Sam and Seth shift and break up the vicious fight. You watch in horror as you see wolf-version of Paul limping and emit a small whimper, and the others chase off your best friend. “Paul...” You mutter aloud, catching his attention. Emily tells you to stop but you ignore her, deciding that the danger is over now. You take small hesitant steps toward the large silver wolf, realization washing over you as you feel your protective nature getting the best of you. This is why you felt so attracted to him, why you couldn’t get this guy you barely knew out of your head - because you are destined to be his.

He stares at you with sad eyes and you hesitantly reach up and stroke his head, watching as he dips his head down and leans his huge head into your small hand, practically in submission. You run your hands through his fur a few times, listening to him make an appreciative sound to you, then run off into the woods, probably to shift back.

“He really imprinted on me?” You question, turning around to face Seth and Embry. They nod hesitantly at you, probably in shock over how quickly everything just escalated. You shake your head, overwhelmed by everything that just happened, and walk back over to your blanket with your clothes on it. You throw your shorts and tank top back on, growing aware of how cold you are now. “Y/N you’re shaking.” Seth points out and you nod.

“Cold.” You respond, jumping when you spot Paul taking small steps toward you, in human form again.

“...Hi.” You mutter, looking at him awkwardly. He has an unreadable expression on his face and he doesn’t respond, just staring at you again.

“Ya know, it’s not polite to stare.” You joke halfheartedly, and he grins at you, shrugging his shoulders a little. “So what, does this mean like, I belong to you now or something?” You question, clearly under-educated about how imprinting works. He chuckles at you and takes another step toward you, brushing some of your wet hair out of your face.

“No, not really.” He responds, a grin still on his face. “Unless you want to, of course.” He flirts, dropping his hand to trail down your arm. You blush at him and don’t respond. “You’re freezing.” He says, and you shrug, acting as though you aren’t.

He looks past you and spots your sweater, grabbing that and standing in front of you, wrapping it around you, rubbing your arms a little again. Everyone watching is taken aback by Paul’s behavior, but mostly you. You suddenly realize, “Where’s Jacob? Is he coming back?” You question, feeling guilty for your best friend getting upset. “Why was he so mad?” You press, looking between the different boys for answers.

“He needed to cool down.” Sam informs you from beside Emily, and your heart sinks. 

“He likes you.” Embry says hesitantly, your eyes falling on him when he speaks, and you feel your heart sink even further.

“But... He’s like my brother...” You mutter, not seeing Paul’s face lift at your comment as you look out toward where Jake had run off.

“He’ll be okay.” Paul says, but you don’t believe him.

“There’s nothing he can do about it.” Seth mutters, and you raise a brow at him.

“Why not?” You ask.

“You’re my imprint...” Paul mutters, his hand resting on your arm again. You look up at him and feel your heart skip a beat, absolutely loving that he is interested in you, to say the least.

“But what if I didn’t want to be...” You question, watching Paul’s face instantly drop and harden. “Not saying that I don’t. I do like you, I’m okay with this, I think. But... What if I wasn’t?” You ask, looking to Sam for an answer.

“None of us can do anything with another member’s imprint.” Sam explains, his arm on Emily’s shoulder tightening, and you nod solemnly. Poor Jacob...

“Come on, let me take you home.” Paul says as a breeze passes, and you nod at him, taking one last look for Jacob, then following your Imprinter...

---

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[jabberbeans]

Wangxian Coffeeshop AU: First encounter

I put Wangxian, coffee, urban magic, fluff and slowburn into the melting pot and crossed my fingers - read at your own risk. I’ll be updating this story in shorts before revising and posting a full length version to A03 (somewhere in the distant improbable future).

Featuring confused pining over magic tea and magic sweets, cafe shenanigans and baker/patissiere(?) WWX and LWJ. 

Tranquility turned tea from pear-green to a deep sea foam. Lan Wangji felt this was appropriate - water was the most tranquil thing he knew. His uncle disagreed - as he often did - and had attempted to shift the colour back to its original green many times. That one was a failed experiment - it reduced the efficacy of tranquility and made the tea taste like grass.

“That’s not green tea,” Lan Qiren had scowled, pointing an accusatory finger at the perfect sea foam brew. “It isn’t traditional.”

Was magic traditional? Lan Wangji had been tempted to ask, but held his tongue. Using their energy to shape the natural order of things into something else - perhaps that betrayed tradition, or at least some law of nature. But magic ran as deep as blood, and the healing teas were so much more healing when they used magic, so sea foam it was.

They still called it green tea on their menu. It was very popular. 

Gusu had been a traditional Chinese tea house, once. Lan Qiren would have been quite content to keep it that way too, but even he couldn’t shout gentrification into going away. Gusu was dying. So he turned the shop over to his nephews with the vague hope that they could reassess its business model and bring in some customers. Then he went on a long vacation.

When he returned, Gusu was transformed. Literally. Its dark wood finishings were gone, replaced with snow-bright walls. The tea was unrecognisable. There was a dessert menu. And a bar counter. 

But there were also customers. So many, in fact, that Lan Qiren was forced to don his apron and help out not five minutes after walking through the door. Lan Wangji had never seen his uncle so disturbed as he’d been that day, trapped behind the counter while teenagers pointed their phones at his hands and cooed over the quaintness, the rarity, the sheer aesthetic - of hand brewed tea.

It wasn’t that Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji had betrayed their uncle and tradition. It was more accurate to say that they took his best ideals, put them in the proverbial blender and stood by silently to receive the scrambled results. 

Floor seating and low tables remained - but there was also a large communal table and benches, and of course, the dreaded bar counter with its stools. The tea menu was largely the same, just tweaked to look and taste better. Ice blended options were now available, to their uncle’s everlasting horror. And there were traditional desserts - almond soup, sesame balls, milk pastry, cakes - all arranged artfully and minimally on little porcelain plates.

And so Gusu was preserved, albeit not quite in the shape their uncle would have preferred. But four years on, the cafe continued thrive - building a solid reputation among locals and visitors. Lan Qiren had mostly adapted to the teenagers with their phones and the cakes by now, but he still eyed the green tea with deep suspicion.

Lan Wangji was doing the very same that morning, as he regarded Lan Jingyi’s practice brews. The teen had arranged the tiny glass cups from dark amber to pale yellow. Perhaps he thought he might get points for neatness.

“Again,” Lan Wangji said with finality, eyes sweeping down the line. “When you make clarity, the oolong should lighten to parchment.”

Jingyi wilted first at again and segued quickly into bafflement at parchment. 

“Parchment?” The boy repeated, unsure if he heard right. Lan Wangji paused to think it over, then nodded.

“Like paper white, tinted with yellow or tan. Parchment.”

Jingyi looked exasperated then, eyes wide and swivelling in their sockets to catch Lan Sizhui’s, who pretended not to see. Finding himself without allies in the kitchen, Jingyi’s shoulders slumped with defeat. “Yes, Hanguang-jun.”

Lan Wangji didn’t blame him. Clarity was difficult to make. Oolong got particularly stubborn when energy was channeled into it. If one had poor magic control, the colour could turn almost violently, from amber to walnut to black.

He left Jingyi to continue his oolong studies and approached Sizhui instead, who had finished divining the difference between parchment and white the day before, and so was allowed to move on to desserts. Lan Wangji approached from behind silently, but Sizhui’s hands remained steady as they attempted to transplant a sesame ball onto a spun sugar base. It wobbled unsteadily when he drew back.

“I’ll do it again,” Sizhui said before Lan Wangji could. “The base is too brittle. It must have been the temperature.”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji approved. “Continue.”

The boys were young, only fifteen, but they were fast and eager to learn. Their progress came at no little effort however, if Jingyi’s growing army of oolong cups was any indication. But Lan Wangji was not worried. His uncle had handpicked them himself from some branch or other of their very, very extended family, and they were proving to be dedicated workers. It had been less than a month since they began training, but they would soon be ready to work the counter.

There was a loud rattling sound from Jingyi’s corner of the kitchen, a hastily bitten off curse, and then Sizhui was abandoning his station to fly over with a towel. Lan Wangji pointedly did not turn around to look. Perhaps not /too/ soon.

Jingyi’s cups were no closer to parchment by the time Lan Xichen poked his head in. “Wangji,” he called. “Would you check outside? The customers say there’s an obstruction near the entrance.”

“The deliveries?” The deliveryman occasionally left their parcels at the front, if he was busy.

“He would have called if he wasn’t coming in.” 

“I’ll check.”

It wasn’t a parcel. Lan Wangji spotted the problem the moment he stepped out - it was taking pains to make itself known, actually.

A little stickman was drawn onto the walkway in what looked like chalk. Someone had magicked it to life so that it danced about - harmless, but an annoyance regardless. It surged towards Lan Wangji’s foot, circling playfully and attempting to slide onto his shoe. If it succeeded, the chalk drawing would transfer to the leather.

Lan Wangji stepped briskly out of its path and tried to trace its spiritual source. It was strong, and he followed it easily out the gate. The little stickman raced to stay close, its arms waving about.

He was so preoccupied ensuring it didn’t touch him that he nearly tripped over the problem’s source. 

“Careful!” The man squatting on the pavement said, flinging an arm up in reflex. His hand was covered in chalk dust. Lan Wangji stepped back to look at him. Then he looked again. 

“You…” He had no words for what he was witnessing. The man was surrounded by chalk drawings that stretched all the way up the pavement, past the neighbouring lot. They were wriggling with life - little stick figures dancing, animals prowling, scribbled phrases vibrating - and food - so much of it, all moving.

It was a simple matter to implant spiritual energy in the drawings - small children could do it with enough practice. But that was precisely the problem, it was a trick for children, not adults.

“You’re blocking my sun, do you mind…?” The man said, not unkindly. He still hadn’t turned around, eyes focused on his next drawing. Lan Wangji did not move.

“This is vandalism,” he told him.

“It’s only chalk. It’ll wash away with the rain. Or a good sweep.” 

The man looked up then, and…Lan Wangji did not know what he was expecting - he had no preconceived notions. But he felt a flicker of surprise. The man’s mouth was curved like he was laughing, though no sound passed his lips. His smile was sun-bright. For a brief moment Lan Wangji allowed himself to notice the rest of him - his impish features, his haphazard ponytail, and the red ribbon that tamed it, just barely. 

He looked away.

“You’re obstructing our business,” he told the air in the middle distance. He sensed the man was staring at him but he kept his gaze averted. There was a small gasp, like the man realised something.

“Oh! You run the cafe?” Lan Wangji let the weighted silence speak for him, and the man continued to speak as if he’d received a proper reply. “I didn’t notice I was in front of your shop. I started drawing and I had so much inspiration that I forgot -“

“Please remove yourself and the drawings. You are inconveniencing the customers.”

The man pouted. “I want to save the drawings first…but I don’t have paper. That’s why I’m drawing out here. You see, I had this amazing idea for a triple tier reverse lava cupcake and I needed to sketch it out before the idea got away from me but all I had was this chalk in my pocket so -“

Lan Wangji was quite finished listening to him somewhere around paper. He said sternly, “If I give you paper will you stop?”

“And a pencil too, please!” The man said shamelessly, as if it was perfectly normal to make demands of strangers that he was inconveniencing.

Lan Wangji unfolded his wallet, and ran his fingers through it briefly. He kept some useful things inside - stationery, a first-aid kit, a spare apron - and his notebook. It was twice the size of his wallet and the man hummed with interest when he extricated it.

“Handy trick,” he commented, eyes twinkling. 

Ignoring him, Lan Wangji carefully tore three pieces of paper from the spine. Then he glanced at the chalk drawings and tore another piece. The man was gleeful as he accepted them.

“I drew a lot, didn’t I,” He sounded pleased with himself. “Thank you.”

“Hm.”

He stood aside while the man lay the paper sheets on the ground, spreading them neatly. Then he wriggled his fingers and whistled once, sharp. The doodles froze where they were, some in the midst of sneaking onto the street. When the man tapped the paper with his finger they began to slide along the pavement very quickly, shrinking as they went, until they were paper drawings. Lan Wangji was surprised by the sheer number of doodles of cake, sweets and desserts - each one elaborately drawn and unusual. 

Unbelievably, there was a reverse three-tiered cupcake - just like the man had described. A long string of untidy handwriting accompanied it, jostling the cupcake as they both slid onto the last empty spot. Then it was over, and the pavement was clean once more.

Almost.

“You forgot one.” The little chalk man was still trying to climb his foot despite the slight energy field Lan Wangji had put up to rebuff it. It hopped around the toe of his shoe, waving indignantly.

“Hm...” the man crooked a finger at it, and when that didn’t work, he whistled sharply. The little chalk man appeared to toss its head rebelliously at his efforts, marching away until it was behind Lan Wangji’s shoe. 

The man only laughed, “You should keep him, I think he likes you.” Then he winked and turned away, his ribbons flying as he did. Like they were taunting him.

“You...!”

“Take good care of him,” the man called back, already walking away. 

[toldbymae]

𝐆 𝐑 𝐀 𝐕 𝐈 𝐓 𝐘 ~ 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐀𝐮

C H A P T E R  O N E: BEGIN AGAIN

Fandom; Choices stories you play

Pairings; Ethan Ramsey x Mc (Lucky-Rae Longford)

Summary; Emotions are the luxury you can’t afford as a Doctor, consider this something Ethan Ramsey learned early. When the sun sets, all hope seems lost. That is, until a wide-eyed young intern tumbles, quite literally, into his life and the sun has never shined brighter. 

Warnings; Swearing, Graphic descriptions of injury, Alcohol consumption, NSFW, Character death, Violence, Mentions of stillbirth, Physical abuse.

Word Count; 1.4k (1,467 including this and the above.)

Author Note; This story is an au and starts at the beginning of open heart book one. The storyline won't entirely be the same, some aspects will change eg; Miss Martinez won't end up dying because of mc...instead it'll be because of someone else. In this story, you’ll hate Landry even more.

𝗚𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆; 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗮 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗵, 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘀.

Enjoy!

LUCKY-RAE

After a six and a half hour flight, Lucky got off the plane and made her way through security, grabbing her suitcase and making her way through the crowd of loud and rowdy people. Most of them wore a smile, running into the arms of friends and family, while others were crying and watching as they bid goodbye.

Life is something precious.

It's strong and yet, it's so fragile and easy to take away.

The automatic doors opened and, almost instantly, she was hit with golden rays of the sun. Boston, she smiled and began venturing down the street.

Lucky couldn't wipe the irreplaceable smile off her face, nor did she want to. This is going to be the start of something new. Something good. Something...unimaginable.

The sudden vibration of her phone drew the redhead from her thoughts as she hastily grabbed it out of her pocket.

Landlord guy; 27 Ilford terrace, be there at 3 pm and I'll give you your keys. NO LATER.

Lucky; Sure thing

She tucked her phone safely back in her front pocket and called for a taxi, told him the destination she was heading to, and sat comfortably in the back seat, after putting her luggage in the boot, with the much-needed assistance of the driver.

25 minutes.

The car set off and Lucky leaned her head against the window, watching everything pass her by.

A smile crept back onto her face.

It's happening, it's finally happening. All these years of dreaming, believing, and working hard have led her to where she is right now, where she will be in the future.

Edenbrook Hospital, one of, if not the most, prestigious in the country. Widely known for its efficient and dedicated health care and team.

It hadn't always been her dream to work there, nevertheless, Lucky was determined now more than ever, not to allow the past to cloud her judgment or decisions.

All the people she'd save...all the people she'd be able to help...and those who she can't save...

Seconds descended into minutes which soon felt like hours and the taxi pulled up outside her new home. She thanked him, paid, and dragged her suitcase behind her as she walked up the steps and patiently waited for her landlord to arrive. She spotted him making his way down the road, wearing a blue shirt and loose-fitting black trousers.

"It's nice to finally meet you in person Mister...."

"Just call me Farley." He said delving his hand into his over-sized pocket and fishing for the keys.

"Thank you, I promise to take good care of the property...Mister Farley."

He laughed, "I know you lot will."

She paused, you lot. But there's only one of her...

"What did you mean?" She asked.

"Oh..." He laughed again, "Go inside and you'll see, Doc."

And she did. She unlocked the door and trekked up the stairs and wished there was a lift.

Lucky's breath was instantly taken away. The view was simply spectacular, the apartment was spacious, too spacious.

"This isn't all for me, is it?"

"Turns out you really are as smart as you look." He retorted, turning his head and pointing out all the other bedrooms which would be accommodating other people. Lucky shifted uncomfortably.

"Don't worry." He reassured, "I'm sure you'll get along with them just fine." Without another word, Farley departed leaving Lucky alone.

Her momentary peace was interrupted at the sound of voices and the door flying open. Five people walked in, luggage trailing after them, and meek smiles.

"He really wasn't lying..." Someone moaned, a slim and tall man with wild curly, hazel nut-brown hair, with baby blue eyes.

"I got one can't wait!" The voice of a short, brunette squeaked, smiling from ear to ear. Lucky couldn't tell whether or not she was being genuine.

"What are the odds of us all Woking at ED?" Another woman rolls her eyes and makes her way into the kitchen and raids the fridge.

"Well...I guess I should introduce myself?" The uncertainty in her voice caused Lucky to internally cringe.

"Lucky." She extends out her hand and the small girl, no taller than her, shakes it.

"I call dibs on the largest room." Says the girl whose name Lucky is yet to know, who is currently stuffing her face with a chocolate bar, "I'm Jackie, that's Sienna, Elijah, and Landry."

"Pleasure to meet you." Lucky replies. Sienna smiles at her, "I think we're gonna get along just great and I love your voice, are you, Welsh?"

"Irish, from Killarney."

"Well, is anyone hungry might as well order something." Elijah says getting his phone and looking up nearby takeaway restaurants.

Hours of talking and unpacking later, the interns sat at the table eating pizza and watching TV, feeling nothing except mixture exhaustion and relaxation.

"There's this bar down the road called Donahue’s, wanna go?” Jackie suggests, earning the attention of her new fellow roommates.

Landry shrugged, “I mean I don’t mind...but we’ve orientation tomorrow so...let’s not drinking too much.”

“Alright, let's go.”

...

ETHAN

The bar was still and quiet as the diagnostician drank the last of his whiskey and motioned for the bartender, his long time friend Reggie, to get him another.

"You sure you want another?" Reggie asks, hesitant.

Ethan almost instantly nods and the sound of voices filling the once empty bar drew him from his thoughts.

One in particular caught his eye.

Her laugh sounded like a melody he could listen to every day.

Her eyes, glassy, pure, and ruby green. So beautiful and mesmerizing.

Her hair, long, curly, and auburn shade of red.

Her freckles, as golden as the sun, spread across her face like stars in a midnight sky.

Ethan forced himself to turn away, unable to get the image of her out of his head.

He wouldn't see her again.

Or her dark red lips, so kissable.

He drank the remainder of his drink and decided to call it a night, much to Reggie's relief.

From the corner of his sky blue eyes, he sees her stumbling and about to fall, glass in hand. He catches her just in time and she smiles and drunkenly laughs, before throwing up a river on his green jacket and white top. Ethan sighs and helps her walk over to the nearest booth and sits her down.

“Shit...” She says, “I’m such a lightweight. Sorry, I uh...you know.” Her eyes dart to the ground and her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get you some water.” Ethan walks over to the bar and Reggie gives him a bottle of water, he opens the bottle and passes it to her. Lucky smiles gratefully and drinks it.

“You're a lifesaver...sorry again about your-

“It’s fine, really.”

A hesitant silence falls upon them until Lucky speaks, “I’m not usually like this.”

“I’m really, really, really nervous about tomorrow...”

“What’s tomorrow?” He asks.

“My intern orientation at Edenbook Hospital. Have you heard of it?”

“Yeah, I certainly have. I don’t think you have anything to be nervous about. You're going there for a reason, remember that.”

“...You know exactly what to say. I like that.”

He sits down opposite her, properly able to see her golden freckles in the soft and warm glow of the light.

“I haven’t asked.” He began, “What’s your name?”

She laughs, playfully slapping his knee, “My parents named me something, like, super weird...don’t go laughing okay?”

“You have my word.”

“Lucky. Lucky-Rae to be exact.”

...

The following morning felt like a complete nightmare. Ethan was in the shower and for once, not even lukewarm water could calm him down.

He dreamed about her.

What was wrong with him?

Every time he closed his eyes, he imagined her long red hair tickling his skin as her lips pressed tantalizingly against his flesh, traveling lower and lower...

His eyes darted upwards at the clock and the time was five minutes past six. Ethan didn't bother wrapping a towel around himself and turned the shower head off before getting dressed and making his way to work.

The traffic was even more so annoying than usual.

Cars sped past him and all could hear were the screams of the couple arguing in the car in front and a baby crying in the car behind. Ethan resisted the overwhelming urge to gouge his ears out. Half an hour passed and Ethan was walking in the hallways of Edenbrook, watching the nurses organize patient files.

An hour later the interns arrived and the hospital wasn’t silent anymore. A sudden commotion corrupted, he turns his head and a woman has collapsed and isn’t moving. Without another thought, he rushed over and ushered for space.

Ethan looked around and noticed an intern rushing over, long red hair, dark green eyes...golden freckles. As if this day could get any worse.

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 01x12

Faith

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode)

(Not spoiler free, I have watched up to 15x13)

Alright, this episode is very interesting. I always think it’s the one where we find out that Sam prays every day, but it’s not. It is a Dean-centric episode where we get to see a lot of his self-hatred at play. I couldn’t help but chuckle dryly when the doctor said that Dean’s heart was damaged. Because … has it ever been whole?

His reaction to the news that he’s dying is also quite telling.  

DEAN : Yeah. All right, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me.

SAM: What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here.

DEAN: (Serious) Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass.

SAM: I don't think that's funny.

DEAN: Oh, come on, it's a little funny.

There is a long silence, Sam looks down, fighting tears. DEAN sighs.

DEAN: Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story.

 Dean uses humor to cover up his emotions, especially at this stage in his life. He also uses it to protect Sam, he doesn’t want Sam to know how scared he really is. At the same time, although we know he is masking his real emotions here, we know from later conversations in the episode that he wouldn’t have minded dying. We all know these boys are self-sacrificing idiots, but even in a situation where his death wouldn’t serve any greater purpose, Dean doesn’t seem to want to be saved. All I could think of, watching this episode, is when Castiel first meets Dean and he says “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.” This episode is where we first really see that side of Dean, the side that wouldn’t mind giving up, laying down, being done. The side who thinks he’s not worth the effort. Normally he will stop at nothing to save people but when it comes to saving himself … when Roy does pick him out to be healed he says:

DEAN: maybe you should just pick someone else.

ROY: Oh, no. I didn't pick you, Dean, the Lord did.

Roy’s line here brings up another aspect I wanted to discuss; Chuck. Now, whether or not this was intentional foreshadowing or a happy accident or what, we know that the Angels (and, by extension, Chuck) have a plan for Dean. Dean can’t die at this point, because his story isn’t over. In fact, Roy says exactly that in a later conversation.

DEAN: Can I ask you one last question?

ROY: Of course you can.

DEAN: Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?

ROY: Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest.

DEAN: What did you see in my heart?

ROY: A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished.  

This is the first moment in the show where we are introduced to the idea of destiny. Dean has a job to do. He has no idea what it is, but it’s out there. This concept. We’ll learn later about the whole Lucifer and Michael deal, that their entire existences have been leading up to this point. Now, who’s to say what was and what wasn’t a part of Chuck’s plan? But let’s just say, maybe Chuck wasn’t expecting Dean to get electrocuted, that was an accident. What would Chuck do, if one of his star players suddenly had major damage to his heart and only a little while longer left to live? He could just snap his fingers and heal him, but that might be too suspicious. Plus, it would avoid an opportunity for real drama. So, what does Chuck do? Find someone nearby who can heal Dean for him. Make sure Sam finds a number in John’s contacts (maybe, and this is a long shot but maybe, Chuck asked his old friend Joshua to make a quick call, make sure the boys go where he wants them to go ). But whatever he does, he can’t let Dean Winchester die, because he needs him to finish the story.

SAM:One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist.

We know that Roy didn’t really have any special power, it was all his wife manipulating the reaper, but we don’t know how Roy chose who to save out of the audience, other than what he says about looking into their hearts. It wouldn’t take a lot for Chuck to drop the idea into Roy’s head that Dean was special, had an important purpose, and make sure that Dean got healed so he could keep writing his story the way he likes it.

 This episode is also the first time we see the brothers saving each other through Supernatural means, against the will of the other. When I say that, the first thing that comes to mind are the demon deal that Dean makes when Sam dies and when Dean lets Gadreel possess Sam in order to heal him. It’s interesting to me that the first time they do this, it’s Sam saving Dean, although certainly they don’t know the consequences at first, Dean gets really angry when he finds out  “Some guy is dead now because of me!”

But then, later in the episode, they find out that Roy’s wife did something similar to save Roy

SAM Yeah. You gotta build a black alter with seriously dark stuff. Bones, human blood. To cross a line like that, a preachers wife. Black magic. Murder. Evil

DEAN Desperate. Her husband was dying, she didn't have anything to save him. She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy.

SAM Cheating death, literally.

Sam is unnerved by the idea of doing black magic and messing with the natural order of the universe, even to save someone you love. He calls it evil. But Dean immediately understands, it’s not an evil act, it’s a desperate act. She didn’t want to lose someone she loved. It’s something he could probably see himself doing (*cough**cough*). I’ll have to pay closer attention throughout the series on how their views on this shift and change, because Sam certainly moves past the idea that doing this kind of thing is evil, but Dean also gets to a point where he doesn’t approve of it (at least not when it’s in an effort to save his own life).