#dreamsmp members

[elysianightsss]

Human!Techno x reader

Warnings: friends to lovers, fluff, smut, humanTechno being a grump, grumpy guy-sunshineish girl. George complaining (no hate). Touch starvedness. I didn’t mean for there to be a size kink but there is one.

You’re confused, nothing new there, your head swirling from your long week and silly meetings at work. Nothing was more tedious than listening to George drone on about utter nonsense, mindnumbingly stupid complaints that were pointless to point out.

But even after getting up at four am every morning to work late into the night you still agreed to hang out with the gang at their shared house, at first you thought it was idiotic so did Techno maybe that’s why you two and a few of your other friends didn’t join in on the whole living together fiasco.

As much as you loved your friends thirty plus people in one house, no matter how big, was a recipe for disaster. Apparently not. Two years later and they had all managed to make it work setting up chore schedules, and bathroom schedules that seemed to make the house run perfectly.

Still you couldn’t be more glad to end the night in your own apartment snuggled up in your large bed, which is why you’re confused as to why you agreed to hang out tonight knowing full well that Wilbur wanted to have a piss up.

Pretty much everyone had a drink in their hands expect for you. You instead, after having half of the sangria Quackity had made for you, had claimed the little area in the back corner of the big living room. Head tipped back again the sofa, eyes closed and pressing into something warm.

Techno had arrived half an hour after you did, his week had started off great, but by the end of it he couldn’t help but feel a little agitated. He hadn’t seen you the whole week and as much as he’d never admit it out loud, and definitely not to you, he’d missed you.

You were the only person he could truly relax around and he needed that. Has done since he met you. Ten years ago it was, you had been stood up, sitting at a bar quietly crying to yourself when he bumped into you pouring his whiskey on the rocks all down your back, soaking your dress and pulling a squeal from you. A squeal he still teases you for. But he spent the rest of the night doing everything he could think of to make you smile and laugh to make up for it. It worked and you’ve been friends ever since.

Techno weaved his way through the huge hallway into the large kitchen to grab a beer from the double door fridge offering small nods to those who greeted him on his way to the massive living room area. His curious eyes scanning the space until they landed on you, the corners of his lips turning up slightly at the sight before him.

With a shake of his head he sat down next to you perhaps a little too close but when you sighed so softly pressing yourself into his warmth he relaxed against the leather sofa. “Long week?” He asked watching with a knowing gaze as you nodded. Knowing because this would be one of the nights he’d have to get a very sleepy you into his car and all the way up to your apartment and into your bed.

Techno dragged his gaze away from you to watch Wilbur try and teach Tommy and Tubbo how to play poker. At that point Phil and his wife arrived, Phil immediately coming over to Techno giving him a bro hug and saying hi to you which revived a thumbs up and a lazy smile. No matter how hard you try to open your eyes they were just so damn heavy you couldn’t do it, Phil smiled anyway glancing at Techno when he huffed at you.

“Take her home dude.” Phil patted Techno’s shoulder making the latter nod passing his unopened beer to Phil before picking you up. It was meant to be bridal style but you clung to him subconsciously wrapping your legs around his waist. He adapted a big arm around your waist and another under your tush, glaring at those who made whooping noises or whistled too loud making you whine softly onto his neck.

“Alright bun we’re going, we’re going.” He soothed, the words feeling a little foreign on his monotonous tongue.

“Tec!” Tommy was quick to stop his beefy uncle hooking your little handbag onto his shoulder, the sight was enough to make Tommy snicker to himself as he walked away. With a roll of his eyes Techno left the large house rather happy he had managed to skip the get together.

—

You thanked Techno ten times over in the morning when you woke in your own bed, you knew exactly who got you there. You felt ridiculously bad resulting in you spending the whole morning and most of the afternoon baking him sweet treats while you waited for his reply text to see if he was coming over or wether you’d need to drop them at his.

Music played through out the kitchen, your cherry covered apron wrapped around your oversized T-shirt clad body as you iced the cupcakes to look like little Minecraft piggys giggling as you did so.

“Well isn’t this a sight.” You jumped back at the sound of Technos voice, looking up to see him grinning at you.

“What the fuck Tec!” You huffed dropping the icing bag to place your hands on your hips, he simply held up the spare key you’d given him before slipping it back into his pocket. “Dick.” You scoffed instantly regretting it when Techno gasped loudly, overexaggeratingly.

“Excuse you missy! I carry you home-“

“You drove.”

“Risk my life getting you up those stairs-“

“You always take the elevator.”

“Almost die trippin’ over the pile of dirty laundry-“

“It was one sock.”

“And this is the thanks I get?! Unbelievable.” He huffs crossing his muscular arms over his rather burly chest. You suppose you’ve never stopped to think about how big your best friend is, how good looking-

“Those better be for me.” He grumbles coming further into the kitchen freezing when he rounds the island you’re icing the cupcakes on to see your exposed legs. Clearing his throat and shaking off whatever that was, it’s not like he’s not seen it before. Hell he’s seen you in a bikini, this is nothing but he swears that’s his shirt as he walks closer.

“Yes they are Mr.Grumpy.” You smile when he pinches your hip slightly, his hulking form compared to you standing behind you, hovering over you as you work to get the pig just right. What you don’t expect, it really does take you by surprise and a warmth spreads in your stomach when he gently undoes the apron sitting on your hips only to redo it tighter.

It’s a simple act of helping but it has your cheeks warming like this man hasn’t done it before, like it’s new but it isn’t. “Thanks.” You internally praise yourself for not stuttering. Techno doesn’t even notice the slight tremor in your voice too focused of the that fact that you smell so good. Like vanilla.

Well maybe great minds think alike because his musky scent is now all your mind can focus on, it swirls around you stinking up the area around you, bursting your precious bubble replacing is with his cologne. Cinnamon and hint of tangerines? An odd combination but it smells so fucking nice on him, you just wanna bury your face in it.

“You missed the eyes.” He chuckled, eyes scanning over your face while you blink out of your little trance.

“Oh right.” You laugh stiffly, nervously. It makes Techno frown, he’s never heard you nervous around him. Others, yes. Him, never. That’s how it should be, yet you are. It makes him lean forward placing both palms on the worktop, essentially caging you in.

“What’s the matter bun?” He asks gruffly and as if by instinct your thighs press together, a small wiggle of your hips to create some unknowingly needed friction. His voice and that nickname, both of them usually so sweet and calming suddenly have a strange effect. Maybe it’s just you simply being touched starved? The loneliness catching up with you?

“Nothing.” It’s a blunt reply but it’s all you’ve got, you don’t dare turn around. How can you? Then you’d have to stare at his gorgeous face, you already feel his careful gaze burning holes into your head.

“Now I know that’s not true.” His breathy laugh skims over your skin making you shiver, he notices his hands sliding to your hips to turn you around, thumb and index finger keeping your chin locked so you have nowhere else to look but him. “Tell me bun, what’s troubling you? The long week?”

His voice, his eyes, his whole demeanour is too sincere it has a whimper slipping from you. The noise enough to make you both freeze, Techno’s eyes darkening.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You admit honestly, fists tightening in frustration. You hadn’t felt like this in a while always too busy with work to sit and wallow in your feelings, maybe that was a good thing because right now with Techno so close; someone you trusted and knew cared for you; your body was taking control, letting you natural instincts take over.

You needed him, and Techno understood. He understood the look in your eye from what he’d seen in his own. Moving a few inches forward he wrapped his arms around your waist, one hand sliding up to tangle itself in your hair soothingly. Before you could even think about freezing up, “Relax bun, I got you.” He encouraged making you melt slipping your own arms around his muscular form.

“What do you need from me?” He asks after a few minutes feeling you grow restless in his hold. He knew you needed more but what he says next takes you back slight, “Do you need an old school finger fuck and make out session on the couch?” He asks jokingly though there is an air of seriousness to it. Especially with what he says next, his beautiful eyes sparkling with want, “Or do you need to sit on my face and let me lick you until your cum runs down my jaw?”

He squints when you whimper gripping his arm tighter, his head tilting slightly as he looks you over “Or maybe you just need a good fuck?” It takes you a second to comprehend but his hand’s already sliding up your leg, his rough palm against your soft skin.

“Mmmhmm, yeah, I think that’s it. Here, lift my t-shirt up a little so you can slide these panties off.” You blush at his words but do as he says, watching in almost shock when he drops to his knees large hands sliding up your things guiding you to open your legs slightly.

“Oh god your thighs are so soft bunny.” He murmurs against your skin, his nose dragging over the part where your thigh and your stomach meet. “And this pretty pussy, I can’t believe you’ve kept this hidden Bunny. So selfish.” He chided playfully.

The grin broad as daylight disappeared between you thighs, your head falling back, hands seeking purchase on the kitchen countertops. He placed a pressured kiss right on your clit listening to the hitch of your breath. Techno swears he’s never heard a sound so pretty than the moan he pulled from you when he wrapped his lips around little nub.

He wants to work night and day to make sure you never stop making that noise. Techno watched your wetness trickling down your thigh quick to lick it up not letting any go to waste. It’s as if his first taste transformed him from the composed grump of a man you knew to a starving man who had a three course meal laid out in front of him, your eyes rolled back, sinful moans echoing in the room.

He moved his tongue like he was possessed, licking into your clenching hole as if he was digging for something before closing his lips around your clit and sucking it so hard you swear it will be bruised tomorrow. His harsh and continuous actions on your cunt had one of your hands grasping onto Techno’s hair, your back arching as you started a slow grind on his tongue.

“That’s it Bunny make yourself cum, use my to tongue.” He hums into your weeping entrance, but you’re so focused on the feeling of euphoria coursing through your veins you don’t hear him, all your senses being taken over and before you know it you’re cumming, drenching the lower half of his chin though he doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest, slurping down all you give him, trying to pull more from you.

Though with a push of your hand against his head and whine of sensitivity he conceded rising from his knees instantly pulling you close into his hold, lips pressing against your own.

With one roll of his hips he’s inside you and not giving you a second to comprehend it. No, he’s already pulling back and slamming into you over and over again watching as you arch your body into his.

Techno is swift and slick with how he manages to pick you up, placing you on the worktop and deliver a hard thrust quickly after leaving you short of breath.

His large hand slides up over your throat applying slight pressure to push you down against the counter. Then up to your mouth, two thick fingers slipping inside letting you moan and whine around them, saliva dribbling down your cheeks. Neither of you care so engrossed in the feeling of being fucked so thoroughly.

Your moans down right pornographic, when he hit that spongy rough patch inside you. Striking it over and over again, Techno had never looked more happy than when he watched your head fall back, eyes rolling with it.

“Fuck, yes bun clench around me like that, take all that I’m giving you like a good girl.” They way he grunted the words into your ear before sucking your earlobe into his hot mouth had you whining around his fingers. White hot pleasure engulfing your messy form, nothing had ever felt better than this moment.

Your body felt like it was burning with each thrust of his hard cock, all you could do was lie there on the kitchen counter and dribble around his fingers while he fucked your pussy ruthlessly. If this was his version of a good fuck, you’d happily have it everyday.

The coil in your lower abdomen tightened and tightened, until you shattered on his cock, cumming harshly as the waves of pleasure rolled over you so intensely, your walls clenching around him tightly. He snapped his hips into you quicker chasing his own high, wanting to fill you up desperately.

“Please Tec, cum inside me!” That did it for him, absolutely finished him. He groaned thrusting into you so deep as he finished inside you just like you begged him to.

“Fuck bun, you did so good for me. Just relax, breathe, I’ve got you.” He soothed blinking away the last remaining blur of his orgasm, focusing on you and the aftercare you not only needed but deserved.

Cupcakes forgotten about Techno picked you up and carried you to your room laying you on your bed then helping you remove his shirt.

“So fucking pretty bun.” He shook his head staring down at your body, you were ready to disagree absolutely sure you looked like the mess he’d certainly fucked you into but the way his eyes darkened as they raked over your body had your mouth closing.

“Now, before I start running you a bath. I need another taste.” He groaned kneeling in front of the bed, grabbing your ankles to pull you closer to his face.

“But Tec you already-“

“No but’s bun, you’ve been keeping this fucking delicacy from me for far too long. I’ve got a lot of pussy worshiping to make up for and I’m sure she would agree.”

Tags:

@victory-is-here

@lillianastuff

@simply-vulpecula

@itsberrydreemurstuff

@megnotfound

@vanivivs

@cherryblossomdelusion

@dreamwvrld

@fionamk1001

@angelicadiabolus

@bloodgoddarlin

[obliviannn]

Sorry it’s taken so long to post but I recently graduated high school! Finishing school and getting prepared for college has been a lot and I haven’t been motivated to draw much but I made this :D I’ll post more updates on the Tommy animatic and regular drawings soon. Happy late birthday Techno!

[brett-is-afraid]

[soonysy]

Day 271 is a redraw!

So, I saw a lot of people telling that they came from Hermitcraft to DreamSMP. I, in my turn, came from DreamSMP to Hermitcraft. Consequently, I have some VERY old arts with dome members of SMP, like Tommyinnit

So I decided to redraw one of my first artworks posted on Internet!

The old piece (22nd of October, 2022):

Honestly, I have no idea what is going on in Dream SMP community rn :P

[senvurii]

DREAMSMP MEMBER AS IYOWA (VOCALOID) SONGS!! A THREAD!!

Ctommy / Almost ended - a song about a girl stuck in a loop- stuck chasing her own ending forever

ctommy part2 - Midnight Phobia

ctommy honourable mention (im a freak) / peachy key

ctubbo / over - about a young girl determined to find her dead friend in the stars

ctechno / adipocere - a girl wandering through the metaphorical cold for dead relationships

(note: i always imagined techno to living millennium, and this song to crimeboys. this is for accuracy.)

cphil / imawanokiwa - about a mother attempting to ignore the grief of losing her child

cniki / Till your tear goes - a remembrance to let go and love the day

cslime / living millenium - a painting-like girl observing humans for thousands of years

cdream / mercy killing - a girl whos punishing another for lying

cquackity / goodbye jackpot - a nihilistic outview on life told through casino metaphors

cpuffy / Dandelion - someone desperately trying and failing to protect what she holds dear

csam / angel care - a girl apologizing and grieving for a loved ones death

[coffeegnomee]

An analysis of having a rigid character in mcrp vs being swept up into playing a character in mcrp.

I was reflecting on dreamsmp and qsmp the other day and realized they both lost me when the lore shifted to a rigid character of the streamer.

Quackity approached the late-game lore as a cold, calm, businessman, completely devoid of the goofy, unserious charm that is Quackity. And in qsmp he was the alcoholic father. 

I didn’t watch much of qsmp, but I got similar vibes from Celbit and… heck I forget his name. The one who became president. 

Like they approached every stream from a very serious point of view, getting into character before the serious moment happened, not chatting with chat in the lulls between yapping as they journey from one destination to another. 

And they lost me. 

That’s not what the medium of streamed Minecraft rp is about.

What it is about is logging on, bantering with chat, walking around the server, and then other members approach, they take the lore seriously, and subtly change it from a normal interaction with another streamer into something that is moving the plot forward.

There’s two examples from the dsmp era.

Tommy is the obvious one, and doesn’t need much explanation. Especially in the exile arc he would be fine and happy and bantering with chat until Dream showed up. Then the tone shifted. He always had moments where he was his annoying happy self before being drawn into the serious character he was developing. All of it was an act, but he planned to let his character be moved from one emotion to another through the conversations that happened.

But the same happened with Foolish, which I find fascinating since it was widely acclaimed that Foolish doesn’t really lore. Not on purpose at least. He’ll never be the one to overtly plan something, but he’s one of my favorites to follow because he will always get swept up into it.

I followed the Foolish/Leo lore through clips and tiktok, and it was the only aspect of qsmp lore that could draw me in. 

And in the dsmp, the L’sandburg arc and everything that happened at the summer home never had server-wide implications, and yet it captured the charm of the early months of the dreamsmp.

There was a day when Sam joined vc but shifted into the SamNook character and stopped actually talking in vc, just playing the animal crossing noises while writing in chat.

Foolish played along for a bit, and then they both returned to building in the hanging gardens, Sam making a tree while Foolish was doing like material collection I think, talking to chat.

Sam continued only communicating in chat until one moment when it was more helpful if he began actually speaking about the tree instead of being in character.

And I, and Foolish, literally jumped, forgetting that Sam was there and we weren’t talking to SamNook as a real npc.

It was so bizarre. 

We were swept up into the lore of the moment, and kept there through the efforts of the other streamer. 

And again, this happened one day when Bad and Foolish were arguing and Dream showed up in vc as Dreamxd, talking just to Foolish as if he was in his head and Bad couldn’t hear him. The conversation that followed was so hilarious as Foolish had to manage two streamers who refused to acknowledge that they could hear each other.

Without realizing it he was swept up into the lore. And he took us along with him. 

The reason this matters to me is the Lifesteal smp.

In Lifesteal, Zam takes this concept of casual banter with chat and moves it, when the moment arises, into something that is suddenly extremely RP.

In an instant it can go from random conversation into something that is moving his character forward and changing the fabric of the server.

I think we saw it best with the Joker arc. 

Every Joker day began with a threat given to either Minute or Jumper. Something to goad them into lore. 

He had no real plans, just a threat that he would do, a base he would blow up, if Minute or Jumper didn’t do anything to stop him. And he let them do anything they wanted to stop him. 

It was completely unplanned.

And you could hear in his voice the changes from, here’s my silly plan for the day, to, you just unlocked the Joker.

Changing it from a casual stream to something overly lore. Not going into it with a perfect character but using the encounter itself to bring out the character.

Interestingly enough, we all know that the Joker arc landed weirdly in relation to pb&j and how they were swept up into the lore.

And I think, in part, it had to do with the a flipping of roles compared to my above analysis about Foolish.

Zam was, more often than not, the one who was live AND the one who was going to take lore seriously and bring others into it. 

Vs Foolish being live and Dream/Bad/Sam being the one to take it seriously.

It broached a new style of mcrp, one that created streamers/characters who were resistant to doing lore, I think because they didn’t have the stakes behind it of being live. They were there for their recording, but they always knew they could cut it out of their YouTube video and it wouldn’t matter to their characters.

You only have to look at the difference between the Jumper/Zam yap session and Minute confronting Clown and Leo to see the difference going live had on them being wrapped up into the lore. 

Lore they did not expect to be doing when they first went live. 

As opposed to Jumper’s stream where she killed Mappic - she went into that with a plan and a character to play.

As opposed to Ash’s streams when he had a character and plan to execute.

They lost me on those streams because it was obviously so planned out and they entered the moment completely in character and resisted changing in response to anything that was said to them. 

Why does it matter? 

Because a character’s 3dimentionality comes from being fully fledged out. 

And you can make an extremely complex and compelling character when you draw on aspects of yourself. It doesn’t (and probs shouldn’t) just literally be you, but if you willingly draw on who you are as a person, the character comes alive. 

And the medium is Minecraft live streaming. It’s long winded. Time in the story passes by similarly to how real life time passes - day to day something new happens unlike a book or movie where they have to cut things out.

And the stories you create when you approach the medium of live mcrp is substantially different than any book, movie, or video. 

The method of storytelling allows you to explore a character over 100s of hours of content rather than a couple hours. 

And for my money, boiling that character down to something you put on for an hour or two at a time around completely unrelated grind streams, is so much less compelling than if both merged together and you never knew when a moment would turn from casual banter as a streamer into a character moment. 

[drowninginblox]

HideDuo HCs bc we are going through it

The March drought is getting to me y'all. I don't know about all y'all but the anniversary isn't the best thing ever, especially with the Hatsune Miku incident.

I think we deserve a little treat for being dedicated to our favorite roommates. Hence these ramblings.

The following applies to the OSMP characters, not actual streamers themselves. This is gonna be very all over the place, overall cursed, and is projecting. I hope yall enjoy-

Fit:

Can play any sport, but hates all of them (except for ice skating, he fucking loves it but he'll never admit it and he can't skate for shit)

Has read fanfiction before

Knows about dreamsmp lore but doesn't know what it all means in context, very much "Did you know a guy fucked a salmon and had a fox as a child?" "He started a country later? The fish fucker???"

Is into more fru fru coffee drinks than he lets on. Like- fuck yea 9/10 times that mother fucker be drinking that shit black, but he loves some good pumpkin spice- tooty fruity-cuchie deluci frappuccino. He'd only give in around sunny tho.

Was a smoker for a hot minute, quit tho when the ashes nearly lit a TNT. Hasn't picked it up since

Is a slut for pig step

Has read The Art of War

Had a celebrity crush on Philza. He still has it but it's defo diminished since he knows him personally.

Showers daily. I don't care that he's a war-torn mf, that man loves taking showers and will never pass up the opportunity to get one.

Has a poster of Miku Binder Jefferson. Someone gave it to him as a secret Santa present and he has no idea who or what to do with it. He's tempted to burn it but he's kind of afraid of it. It's so cursed that it shows up in his nightmares.

He thinks about Forever a lot more than he wants to admit. He's afraid of the possibility of turning into a monster since he was exposed to the black concert a lot. He understands the fear is irrational since it was long ago but the intrusive thought lingers.

He's thought about marriage in general and with Pac. He'd never admit it but he planned out everything from the venue to the music to the vows. He'd easily swipe it all away if Pac said he had an idea of what he wanted it to be like.

is fluent in Morse code

Knows sign language

Hearing aids mf

Has a family somewhere out there, one that he lost or left only to be dumped into TB2T

Loves crosswords, especially during breakfast and right after Ramon goes to bed.

His favorite smell is cinnamon and cocoa butter

Believes in Herobrine

Can't do long division to save his life

Hates the sound of Velcro

Pac:

Likes the Pacman TV show

Smells like cinnamon and cocoa butter

Has too many scars from the cats he's owned over the years.

Married Mike for tax reasons in the past. They play it up that they're bitter divorcés from time to time

Doesn't shower as often as he should, not because he hates it but because he has a long routine and enjoys baths far more

Enjoys tea and coffee equally

Was a homestuck fan (yesIFUCKINGDIDTHATTOHIMWHATAREYAGONNADO???)

Gay awakening was Rufio from Hook

watches Reading Rainbow as an adult

paints on his prosthetic all the damn time

Has a Post-it note collection. He barely uses them but he has a rainbow of them and each color represents a member of the island.

Has a sticker collection

Always carries small snacks for his pocket dude (I heard about this through the wiki, apparently Pac has a pocket boy? If not then he does now lmao) mostly gummy bears and crackers

Is afraid of the ocean. Idk why that just sounds right for him and if it is it recontextualizes the date he had w fit lol

knows Morse code

Knows some phrases in American sign language (fit is teaching him / is learning for fit, whichever is cuter)

Has hacked into a government-locked server, left lobster porn in place of any files he took. Idk which government it was or why he did it, but he did and they haven't recovered since

Is the type to listen to Jon Bellion and Talor Swift. No, i will not elaborate

Has very vivid daydreams. Aside from drugs and PTSD, he has some really nice ones all on his own. Mostly about Fit tbh.

[doetic]

ADOPTED BY JSLUG????? PART ONE

“Y/n you stupid ugly bitch come downstairs!!” your mom yelled.

you sighed and put your hair into a messy bun but in an effortlessly perfect way. you put on your dreamnotfound converse that was signed by all the dreamsmp members except for schlatt (a/n: cuz hez problematic duhhhh!!) and walked cooly down the stairs to the living room where some guy stood.

“you ugly loser! i’m selling you for more beer!” your mom yelled.

“good! i like him better than you anyways!” you said walking over to your new dad without getting a good look at him!

He took your hand and led you out the door. you kinda wished you had packed your stuff but whatever it smelled like beer anyways.

the car he brought you to was super cool. “woah how you afford this?” you asked.

“youtube” his voice was familiar.

“omg jschlatt?????”

“call me… dad”

A/n: HAHA CLIFFHANGERRRRR wait till april 2025 2 find out moar!!!!!

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: georgesoot

today's interviewee is georgesoot/dreamwasfound, who, in his words, "emerged from the senior living center to tell all". under the readmore is a transcript if the questions and answers.

Q: What was, in broad terms, your experience in MCYTblr? Are there any experiences/events that stand out to you?

A: Well it was primarily an outlet to channel all my obnoxious thoughts about Minecraft at the time. I had started watching Minecraft videos during the Pandemic, and came across [they who shall not be mentioned] and noticed there wasn't really a community on Tumblr yet. I just knew that someone had to show up and make it gay. It was easy to slot myself in, start making posts that I will never understand how I thought they would be funny, and slowly built up some sort of a following due to my sense of humor but also due to my ability to soberly ~critique~ the Minecraft Men as content creators, micro-celebrities, and as people. I never really fell into niches or was much aware of what other people were doing, until I was kind of folded into this idea of Dream Lying. I don't mean to sound self obsessed but I didn't really care about anything beyond my immediate sphere of friends?

For instance, you mention with other interviewees the Elections. I did not pay attention to those for a single second. I do remember we were saying "stop the count!" because we thought Georgeeehd should have won. And I dubbed Wormweeb the Prime Minister of Mcytblr, but I don't even remember who was running? Or why this even happened?

But as for other events, if they were funny or I could wring something out of them, I do remember them. For example, the mass migration of Kpoppies to Tumblr after it was suddenly "legal" to ship content creators. That compltely shifted the "culture" if it can be called that. I remember all the fake stan accounts, but I never attempted to interact with them. Obviously I remember the Tapeworm post, all the Discourse, the Controversies, how I was able to get hundreds of notes by summarizing events of the DreamSMP, my great shame in life.

But yes, most of the time, I was not there to take things too seriously.

Q: More specifically, what was your experience being in Dream Lying/early critblr? Do you think your experience differed from “main” MCYTblr?

A: As for my experience in what has been dubbed Critblr, well I've been credited with helping to start that whole movement. I think it's funny, because truly the kind of reaction to [censored]'s warcry scandal just wouldn't play out today the way it did back then. But I think it's a function of being an adult, that I could look at [censored] not as an idol, like at all whatsoever. It's easy to swept up in the emotions of things. But as a veteran of Discourseblr, and multiple fandoms, I could see through [censored]'s lack of media training and awareness of the average center left teenage perspective on these issues like it was wet tissue paper. People were mad at for that, but I didn't care what people thought of me.

Maybe by coincidence the other members of Dream Lying also had similar worldviews to mine. Everyone could look past the stanning of it all and recognize when something "canceallable" occurred and discuss it frankly and succinctly. Well I couldn't discuss it succinctly but others could. So to answer your question, yes it was a different experience from the rest of the "community." And it got to the point that it wasn't just "holding creators to account" it became fun. It was fun being the buzzkill in an ironic sense, and also fun in an unhinged way to just create these ludicrous scenarios of [censored] the Young Republican cornering you in the hallway and asking you so how does gay sex work actually though? And again, shipping was a component of this too.

And we turned out to be right. At the risk of sounding arrogant, this will become a theme.

Q: In previous interviews with DLying members, we’ve discussed that misinformation/in-jokes were a big part of the culture, one of them being that Dream sued you for libel. Do you remember any others? Did you expect so many people to believe you?

A: As I mentioned, I didn't take things too seriously. I enjoyed doing a little light trolling, such as when I infiltrated a [censored] stan tumblr server and showed everyone his dogs, and then reveled in the drama of them acting like I killed their families. People also turned on me because I abandoned The Ship for a ship that comprises of two… perpetrators of sexual misconduct as of March 2024, though that would also be true of the Popular Ship as well.

Anyway my personal computer died sometime in early 2021, so I, as is per the usual for my personality, made it into a joke because it really was quite stressful. I mentioned to Reese Georgeeehd and Ozzie ohge0rge (sp?) that [censored] must've sent a virus to kill my harddrive. This evolved into [censored]'s legal team sending me a cease and desist letter, as I'm sure I was being extra ~critical~ on Tumblr at the time.

They asked if they could make that The Official Narrative. I cautioned against it, it leaked anyway, because their "Private Twitters" had hundreds of followers, and this enabled this joke to become a full fledged rumor. And then my "ops" as the kids call them, got wind of this too. Most didn't believe it, but some had this "If it did happen GOOD!" attitude.

But some other examples… let me think. We did try to heavily imply that Ranboo was a former member of our organization. We rarely outright lied about the creators, but we did usually distort or exaggerate things when it came to us, for comedic effect. Frequently someone will say to me "Oh so and so mentioned you again," and my go-to answer is always "Tell them I got hit by a bus," or "Tell them I'm withering away from my dementia in the nursing home."

I did not expect people to believe me, because I did not spread the rumor because I had completely disappeared from the "public" by that point. I purposefully devised a very unrealistic joke in the first place, so I really don't know who would believe that. Especially since I was known to be friends and enemies with doxxers, who could find that information out if it existed.

Like the thought of [censored] being so hurt by a single anonymous loser calling him a Trump supporter and a bad voice actor and someone who was going to hold his British friend captive in his basement and force him to go on a keto diet to the point that he starves to death, or that he had offshore bank accounts to evade Taxes, or that he paid his brother to be his body double (this turned out to be true), that he was pretending to be bisexual for clout, that he had 100% cheated on his speedrun (also turned out to be true), that he had enslaved his mother as his maid, that he and his other friend from Texas would engage in a little frottage as bros do… well the list is endless. But the thought of him being so offended that he gets his lawyer, whom he pays, to send me a cease and desist letter… well it's one of the few things I came up with that was actually funny.

Uh but no, anyone with a healthy attachment to reality would never believe that.

Q: I understand that you were also in EBblr and its surrounding communities. What was that like? 

A: I was never in ebblr… all I did was watch a few Tubbo streams, realize that he was probably gay, and I was right. Because what do you expect at this point?

I pointed out publicly that Tubbo and Ranboo were engaging in some light queerbait, except that they were obviously both queer. The point was I thought they (or at least Tubbo) were trying to engineer a New [censored], because that gets you attention which gets you money… like Kaceytron was right about everything? In these spaces, being Queer is a commodity. But I'm letting the point get away from me.

In private, I mostly reacted with bemusement, and we did have some genuine enderbabies, as I called them (mostly derisively), in our server, who took it all so literally and that it was so kawaii desu. I thought it was cringe. Like, Tubbo pretending to be coy and saying Ranboo's foot was bigger than his forearm. That took me RIGHT back to my days as a cringy 19yo baby gay trying to flirt. Oh I'm getting embarrassed thinking about it. But there were a few moments that Tubbo and Ranboo manufactured together that I thought were pretty cute and wholesome.

On the whole, I'm still confused as to why I'm included in this sub-community. I approached Enderbees as a marketing thing, or something of the sort. I never read fics, I never looked at art, I never really cared. I especially didn't care about their "characters" on the SMP, which also set me apart from the genuine unironic shippers. Some thought this was worse than shipping because I was committing that dreaded cardinal sin: speculating on CC's sexualities.

And yes, I popularized the word Truthing in this context. I explicitly modeled it after 9/11 Truthers, because the JOKE (hi remember none of this was meant to be too serious) was that we were deranged conspiracists who were probably best kept away from normal society.

Q: Is it odd to be regarded as infamous within the MCYTblr niche? 

A: No it's not odd, I at least partially strove for infamy. Any attention gratifies the ego after all, not just postitive attention. Then there was the absurdity of it all. Here I was, in the Pandemic, having multiple degrees, looking for jobs, getting a job, going to work, paying taxes, and theater kids in high school were probably drawing devil horns on my pfp and throwing knives at it. All because I said everything I said about [censored], or "speculated" that Technoblade was gay because he had drama kid energy, or called Tommy annoying that one time in 2020, or babied [censored] too much. There's really no end to the list of nonsense I was spewing.

And I'd argue that I'm not infamous. Gayminecraftmen had to tell me about your blog and your interviews. I'm doing this because my friends think it would be funny. And the Drama of Georgesoot emerging from the senior living center to tell all is the kind of stupid humor I like. But aside from this, I haven't thought about Minecraft in a while. I have to be spoonfed lore about these annoying content creators who don't even make content anymore. Anything I learn about the "community" now is against my will.

At the time, maybe I was infamous, but now? I don't care. To even dignify my "infamy" would be to admit that Minecraft Youtube is even relevant anymore. How pathetic! I just filed my taxes and got an oil change last week. Me and the homies are having Dune watch parties and writing elaborate screenplays for Timothee Chalamet to star in in our heads (shout out to Ciara). To reminisce on my Tumblr infamy for a community of mostly teenagers about Content Creators who made content for said teenagers and later preyed on those teenagers… is so opposite from the adult problems and adult interest I have. Not to be condescending but that's just how it is!

Q: What are some common creator criticisms that you remember from 2020-2021? Do you still stand by them?

A: The common criticisms have held up in my opinion. [censored] and [censored] were queerbaiting. [censored] was cultivating an audience of loyal vulnerable teenagers and he took advantage. So did [censored]. And [censored] who literally bites people? Oh… okay then.

Dream Lying was right about [censored]'s friend whom he invited into his home and whom he tried to gift a career, only to be outed as an abuser. We were right about [censored] coming from not just a conservative background, but a bigoted one, one that he refused to actually grapple with. We were right about MCC being rigged. We were right about the cheating scandal. We were right about so many things.

The only thing I was definitely wrong about was the [censored] really did hop off the plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan. I thought he for sure would just put off the [censored] team hype house meetup forever. My psychic powers don't always work I guess. That wasn't a criticism though, just my coping. Oh and I was wrong that Ranboo was an industry plant, but I was right that he's annoying and has no talent. And Dream Lying said from day one that Tubbo and Ranboo's little relationship would not last the summer and we were right! In fact during that whole thing I also speculated that Tommy would start queerbaiting and then he did! I felt like Cassandra at times.

Anyway back to the point. I mean the criticisms of [censored] were just all encompassing, and basically stemmed from the fact that he was like all these video game boys- a white man from a republican household who was not properly media trained because Streaming is not a real industry career and none of them were prepared for fame. And that has borne out over and over again. They all have shady pasts, they all abuse their fame and take advantage of fans. So I do stand by these criticisms.

Q: Is there anything else you’d like to speak on or have archived?

A: Not really, I've already said far too much, so apologies to whoever edits these, I hope you enjoy the novel I wrote for you. I don't know, I have dementia, none of this is real. Karlarmy forever. Also who even knows if I'm the real Georgesoot.

[dwtdog]

lil nas x is my favorite dsmp member

i was trying to find his reply to dreamspotify and saw this and laughed like yes let me find my information on lil nas x from the dreamsmp wiki

[zorishy]

Symphony of Gods and Dreamers (DSMP AU)

🟢 DSMP (sorry for bad grammar, this was mostly just me vomiting my ideas onto the post)

My DSMP au makes the world so much bigger and full of life than canon.

The arctic empire from SMP earth exists, hypixel is a whole kingdom, the bear SMP exists and that’s where Niki is from, the wreckage of tales from the SMP locations can be found in the woods, places from fanfics such as the blue valley are very important to the story. The story takes place over a much longer period of time, the L’Manberg revolution alone lasts several years! Dream is like 50! He was an adult before Wilbur was even born. Tommy and Tubbo had families before being adopted by Philza, but they were killed by Dream’s armies in their quest to conquer the world. Dream stole the revival book from Kristin decades ago.

Dream is a tyrant and a cult leader with armies and followers dedicated to his mission to control as much of the world as possible. The DreamSMP is a continent that Dream has discovered and, at the beginning of the events of the server, it has small townships spread around the woods that are full of people gathering resources for colonies. The original L’Manberg members were followers of Dream who had begun to question his power.

Las Nevadas is not just one street with some restaurants and a casino! It’s a massive fucking city with hundreds of thousands of citizens, they have communities and schools and farmer’s markets, It’s the first city in the SMP with paved roads! Snowchester is a cosy little college town up north surrounded by mountains. Students from schools in Snowchester and Las Nevadas go on field trips to L’Manberg and Eret’s castle. The center of the SMP is this huge historic town kept in top condition by volunteers dedicated to preserving the history of the land.

Kinoko Kingdom was built by natives of the SMP and can be found deep within the forest. The people of the kingdom have myths and legends of a time when dragons and demons and gods roamed the earth. When Sapnap showed up, being half demon, they worshipped him and made him their ruler.

There is an entire cult that worships DreamXD! every few hundred years XD selects a member of his cult to give godhood to (Techno, Foolish, and Callahan are amongst those selected). DreamXD is older than the universe itself and has witnessed the rise and fall of countless worlds. Several SMP members were gods in their past lives and knew XD personally (some relationships were more positive than others). That’s why XD is so infatuated with George and so hateful of Bbh.

Characters like Puffy, Antfrost, and Sam are just single individuals who are members of entire original species. Ranboo was born a prince in the end but his people were driven out. The nether was accidentally discovered by cultists and legend says that’s where the demons came from.

My vision of the SMP has grown far beyond a Minecraft roleplay. I wish I could tell you everything but that would take way too long to write. For now I’m just focusing on Wilbur and the other bursonas. I can’t possibly talk about every single character and that makes me mad. Maybe in the future I will go into more detail on sbi and DreamXD.

[goths-make-headmates]

hi! if you do factives, can we request a pack for a technoblade mixtive (dreamSMP and cc)? pretty much everything up to yall (name, prns, role, transids, age etc), just the sources stay the same, since theyre already solidified :}

if you dont do anything factive related (or just not cc!technoblade), we 100% understand that! just say so, so we can send a req to another BAH blog, please :}

have a nice timezone!!

Technoblade Mixtive

Name(s): Alexander , Technoblade , Techno , Dave

Gender(s): Boygirl , TrinketGender , BoyLoser , PenClickStimmic , StarlaFemme , HeadphoJoyic

Pronouns: He/Him , They/Them , It/Its , Warrior/Warriors , Zomb/Zombs

Age(s): 23 , TransImmortal

TransID(s): TransHeight (taller) , Spiralpupilbodic , IdolScentic , PinkBloodic , TransDCS , CrutchQuior , TransHoH , TransMonoplegic (left leg) , TransGreek

CisID(s): American , ADHD , DSMP member , Famous , Gemini , High Empathy , Good at comforting

Role(s): Brother Figure , ADHD Holder , Optimist

Like(s): Minecraft , PvP , Gaming , Blue , Knifes & Swords , Pigs , Children

Dislike(s): Sleeping , Sports , Creepers , Losing , Arguments , Strong light

Personality trait(s): Smart , Funny , Genuine , Loyal , Takes long to do stuff , Clumsy , Energetic , Forgetful

Appearance:

[ria-writes-stuff]

New DreamSMP roleplay server looking for new members!

We’re a new Dream SMP roleplay server just getting started, and looking for some characters to join!

We currently only have a Technoblade, a Quackity and a Charlie Slimecicle, so anyone else would be much appreciated!

Either comment on this post, or dm me, and I’ll send you over to the server owner, and they’ll invite you from there!

EDIT: characters taken: Technoblade, Quackity, Charlie, Wilbur, Schlatt, Jack, Fundy, Philza, Ranboo, Tommy

[theantarcticempire]

tag directory

general tags

#resources — links to smpearth vods + smpearth world download links.

#admin posts — non-reblog tag.

"canon" tags

#smpe clips — clips from smpearth vods.

#smpe screenies — screenshots from smpearth vods.

broad art tags

#smpe — smpearth art.

#dsmpisms — art with designs based off the dreamsmp antarctic empire retirement skins (artists, correct me if i'm mistaken!) and art that includes netherite weapons.

#dsmp — art that includes the friendship emeralds.

#smpe if you squint - self-explanatory name, really.

#faceless — art that doesn't have people in it.

#videos — animatics, music, etc.

please note: i am still in the process of figuring out my art tagging system (specifically how i draw distinctions between smpe and dsmp), so apologies if there's any mistags!

more specific tags below the cut

empire member tags

#technoblade

#philza

#voiceoverpete

#wispexe

#cxlvxn

#sophietexas — she's an honorary member. to me.

group tags

#technoblade & philza — i know why you're really here. this tag has all the art and clips that both of them are in.

#technoblade & philza & voiceoverpete — the founders.

year tags

(if you're like me and you want to look at art by year)

#2019

#2020

#2021

#2022

#2023

#2024

bonus (barely used) tags

#alfred, #pee dog, & #borat — smpearth pets.

#misc reblogs

[ghosttb0y]

can you tell us more about your "hijacked smp" and your OC Ghost??? I'm curious about the plot and everything else XD

Absolutely! I’ll try my best to make this as short as possible LMAO

—

The hijackedsmp begins years (1000 years to be exact) after the DreamSmp ends, when the canonical explosion hit and killed off the world and its inhabitants. Though the people of the world died, a few elemental spirits created by PVP, HD and XD had survived. These spirits originally being created to keep the balance of the world and the smp.

So with the survival of the few elementals remaining, the essence of their remains merged with the future mortals that would soon begin to populate the world again. This caused a wide range of different creatures and characteristics to pop up and evolve into the newfound residents of the land.

Due to the explosion, many documents and books had been destroyed as of result, leaving much of the past a mystery and up to interpretation. This caused a surge in interest and began the development of the Cult. A group of individuals dedicated to preserving the past, learning and educating people about the gods that once ruled the world. The founder, (@/acadivs) the leader of the cult, makes sure to keep the faith of XD alive through the sacrifice of canon lives. This is a curtail part of join said cult, as it shows dedication and commitment.

—

Much of the hsmp lore is collective, though each member has their own individual lore such as c!Ghost:

Before the hsmp, Ghost had lived during the time of the dreamsmp. Though resided in a village far from the main plot of the dsmp and L’manburg. Their story started in a small town settled far in the desert, secluded from any other major towns or cities. Ghost had lived there as the towns sheriff and local musician, a friendly face that protected their townsfolk from harm and occasionally found themself drunk and singing in the communal tavern.

Though short lived, as the explosion from the dsmp went off, it had completed destroyed everything with it. Including Ghost and their town in one piece.

Years laters, post blast, Ghost was given a second chance at life. Revived by [REDACTED], Ghost was stranded in a place unknown to them and alone. Their life following this incident was a lonely one, due to their resurrection much of their memory had been whipped away, (along with their new skeleton like appearance) sparing only a few memories that popped up at random. Including a few memories Ghost hadn’t seen before…memories that didn’t seem like theirs…but they pushed those away when they showed up.

A few years after Ghosts revival, and endless travels around the world alone, they soon stumbled upon a stranger group of individuals settled deep in the forest. A group of individuals who then captured and took Ghost into their temple. Soon indoctrinating them into their ways, Ghost formally became known as part of the cult and The Council (The closest and oldest devotees). Becoming known as “The Indoctrinator” and the one who went out in search of wandering souls looking for salvation and devotion to their god.

THIS IS THE “SHORT” “CONDENSED” VERSION OF THE HSMP! If you have specific questions or anything I’ll gladly answer!!! I LOVE TALKING ABT CGHOST AND THE CULT AND THE HSMP!

[coffeegnomee]

Training my brain to learn that caring about something does not mean someone will die and it will all be lost.

Cw - death, OCD, mcyt death, dsmp and lifesteal, triggers

This is, obviously, something super personal. But sharing about it is what scares me, so I’m going to do it anyway and prove to my brain that it’s okay to care.

If you end up reading it, know you just read my heart. I hope it helps you process whatever you’re dealing with <3. 

I looked up OCD tonight because my brain constantly cycles through the same thoughts and worries about Lifesteal like Non Stop. Like I know I’m ADHD but this isn’t just a fixation on this server, but like debilitating spirals of thought. And all focused around analyzing if it’s all going to fall apart or not. 

They say ocd is a “limbic system impairment that occurs when someone experiences a traumatic physical or emotional event while their chronic stress load is already high.”

And that freaking resonated. They say exposure therapy can rewire the brain so let’s go explore what’s the event that’s keeping me spiraling.

My chronic stress load was extremely high that summer two years ago. And then Technoblade died. The longer it’s been the more I really sit with the fact that that was traumatic.

On top of the stress personally, now my favorite YouTuber, my comfort character on dsmp, the freaking anchor of that server, was just gone. Gone.

Dreamsmp came in a time of some pretty heavy depression. Obviously the pandemic was still occurring so that’s a chronic stress load itself (I found it January 16th 2021, so like, three days before the disc finale, but almost a year into covid) and watching through all the streams I was able to completely escape.

For the first time in months I was laughing. Like deep belly laughs. Full body. Actual joy. The neural rewiring my brain those first months was insane. It was pure serotonin.

I became motivated to work again, having something fun in the background. I looked forward to cherishing the lore, keeping those streams to the side for the evenings when I could really immerse myself into the story.

There’s a two-fold trigger that sends me into a spiral around loosing the thing that makes me happy. Unfortunately at the time, the things causing the chronic stress in my life stemmed from the things that used to bring me fulfillment and joy and purpose. They were being taken away, by my own choice, and from my health (more on that later).

So in the void of having my real-life anchors to bring fulfillment, dreamsmp was the thing keeping this whole body going. Truly a hanging on by a thread moment.

But even then, it’s not just about "loosing the thing that makes me happy" that causes these obsessive thoughts.

It’s the irrational connection that because the lore changed and the dynamic of the server stalled, that THAT therefore somehow that lead to Techno dying. (yes. An irrational and non related thought. I just realized with writing that that I have truly merged both those events so closely that when the first happens, I cannot let go of the idea of the second. I’m sitting here expecting someone to irl die.)

Huh. That’s interesting. 

It’s like, I read this from some random instagram post years ago. This woman’s husband died on a sunny day and then years later sunny days fill her with dread as if the weather was signaling that she would come home to the death of a loved on.

That’s what’s going on in my noggin.

Because it’s Quackity’s lore that changed the fabric of the dreamsmp. It didn’t have to, but it did. It came at the perfect storm when everyone was super burnt out and needed to run away from the insanity of both the fans and the haters and the sudden massive fame. 

He decided to do pre-recorded movies. On my live-stream smp. The very fabric of lore was changed. 

And because of the larger production, it took longer, and the other members of the server seemed to not know where to take their personal lore; everyone was waiting for that damn casino to open. And since all the lore ended up happening in pre-recordings we never again experienced that magic of live stream entertainment and improv and dumb bits. Everything was sanitized. For their own sanity, sure. But at the expense of the survival of the server. (Also Techno wasn’t available because of the chemo, so truly nothing was happening on any end of the server)

That perfect storm, loosing interest in the server and the lore being fundamentally changed, set the stage for the traumatic moment of loosing a member. That's my two-fold trigger.

And his death sealed the deal. I’ve never held it against them for not wanting to continue after. Season 2 was impossible the moment that happened. 

My chronic stress had exploded so far that my thyroid was fucked and I’m diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that keeps me fatigued more often than not. Besides that, my other main chronic stress was a realization that the Future I had always expected myself to take, the Plan that I had set out, I was suddenly extremely Not Sure I wanted to do anymore. 

But I had confidently told my friends and family for over 8 years that this is what I wanted (all this during college and after. I was already 26 at this time) (yes I’m old) (yes life is still crazy when you’re old) (but you start understanding yourself better). It was in this understanding of myself that I realized my direction needed to change.

Suddenly my whole identity I had built for myself was swept out from under me. 

At that. same. dang. time. That same week. That’s when the news broke. Literally broke me to pieces. 

And I hadn’t told anyone I was obsessed with Minecraft lore. Like bro. I’m out of college for a few years. Get a life. (But man. My eyes just light up when I think about this method of story telling. It’s just goated)

My mom sort of knew. She didn’t understand but at least I could tell her someone died and she had some sort of connection that I had been following this kid for over a year now. 

But no one else. The sorrow and pain of loss is just so much worse when you can’t explain why you cared about someone so much. It’s not like my parent died. Or sibling. It was a kid I had never met in person but I resonated with so much. 

And I remember distinctly thinking “It’s not worth not sharing the things you care about with other people”. Burned into my brain that day.

But time heals all wounds. Until something triggers it. 

I spent the next year just following Foolish, that ray of sunshine who was involved enough to have become my comfort streamer, but not too involved that it was painful to watch because of the memories.

It was a crazy fun year. Best comfort streamer. But people change, I change, and I missed Minecraft lore. You can only watch so much valorant before it’s just the same game.

Foolish found out he was on QSMP (I think it actually was before, I think he knew about the server before it was announced) and he started looking at Minecraft content and Minecraft builds again. For the first time in over a year. It was such a random day. 

But we watched Sandiction and… Rekrap2. 

Both of them stole my heart and I went, maybe it’s time to return to mcyt. See what’s been brewing.

And before I knew it I was on a month-long binge of Lifesteal content and just so absolutely lost as to what order everything came out in or what season everything was from. Shoutout them being allergic to click baiting “Lifesteal” or adding season tags to the description. It’s such a mess on Youtube lol.

Soon enough I found Baconnwaffles1. Not 0. 1. Somehow found his second channel first.

The videos caught my eye. I knew they were streams and I was trying to find the vods, but as you know Bacon doesn’t have a vods channel and his streams delete after 14 days. 

But then finally the fated video crossed my path: “This is PrinceZam and he just betrayed his teammates”

Oh my goddess what in the world is going on in this server. 

I needed to know. 

So began the true binge. Found Zam’s vods, watched season 4. And I discovered something amazing.

I have genuinely never resonated more with a character than I resonated with Zam season 4.

Every internal debate of Zam resonated with my own dilemmas. People pleasing and understanding what you value came to a head, and only one could win. But truly your values are the only real option because every moment of people pleasing will rub against your soul like hot coals. 

Remember those chronic stressors? The life I didn’t know if I wanted anymore?

As Zam walked between conversations with friends, teammates, and enemies, I recognized similar conversations in my life. 

I could describe the situation one way, and the person would agree and give advice. But then I realized I could describe the situation in a different light and then maybe they wouldn’t agree anymore. So I didn’t know what advice to take.

And then chat was so funny. The day before the wormhole they started giving too many opinions, the same opinions they had been giving for weeks, and in a flash I was like, omg he’s going to spiral again guys why are you like this. 

And then he was like, OMG chat, YOU’RE the problem! There’s too many of you and I’m trying to make everyone happy.

If I tell you I jumped up, screamed, giggled, and floundered around like a crazy person it wouldn’t even come close to what happened. I was so proud of Zam for realizing his emotions were being swayed by the barest opposition. From that third person point of view, I could so clearly see what was going wrong and I was cheering him on to realizing what he truly wanted.

I did, and still do, see so many of the decision making problems that Zam has, within myself. As a piece of media, and him being a character, it’s the craziest most relatable story I have ever seen. I’ve never resonated with a character more. 

Then we reached season 5. 

The first season I truly watched as it came out. I had gotten too obsessed with this Minecraft world. I wanted more. I loved these kids and their storytelling. 

But it was the first season when people started leaving the server on good terms.

Oh no. This sounds too familiar. People are loosing interest in the server I love. What’s next, a change in the fabric of how lore is created? 

Then there was a change in the fabric of how the lore was created.

We saw the new members approach the server with a recording-mindset. Who weaponized the lore against the old server members. Pretending they cared about the yapping but then revealing that in itself was a complete and total lie used to get you into the perfect position to either spoil the whole riddle or shoot you with an arrow canon.

And then. Not. Care. At. All. Zero remorse.

I don’t know why the betrayals by Jumper hurt so badly. But it hurt. A lot. (I was triggered that’s why) My emotional reaction was out of proportion to reality.

It’s not like it wasn’t a Lifesteal move, people had gotten into position to betray in the past, and would continue to do so in the future with Leo and Clown betraying Minute. 

But it was that “I have no remorse over the hours we spent as a team, not a single thread of care to you or to the yapping lore of this server”. It’s one thing to be betrayed by an enemy. Quite another to be betrayed by a friend.

So here I began. Triggered by something that wasn’t world ending. Quackity’s take on lore didn’t kill the server. Neither did Jumper’s. It was probably going to be fine.

But like. My brain is not agreeing. So I’m pushing back on it. 

Here’s what I’m finding.

This is a fun tidbit - when Mapic said “streams are delayed” when he was in the hospital before the finale I could not convince myself that he didn’t had cancer and wasn’t going to die. Bro. Tell me you’re triggered without telling me you’re triggered. (In case you didn’t see, it was just a concussion)

I’m so hyper aware of everything that could indicate I’m going to loose someone I care about again.

The pattern recognition is going out of control. 

And I keep trying to calm my brain down and catalogue all the reasons I know and believe Lifesteal will be perfectly fine for probably a while. Like how they have meetings all the time to discuss what went down on the server. They’re talking all the time to work out interpersonal problems and lore problems so that everyone is happy and feels heard. And they’re watching movies together. Meeting up and strengthening relationships. Changing admins as necessary. 

And I say it again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Every time something throws the smallest pebble at stability I walk my brain back through all the indicators that everything will be fine. 

Jumper:

Jumper loves being on the server. She’s said it. She’s so excited about it. She did have a plan. She didn’t tell us the plan as it went, but she does stream. She’s getting comfortable with the idea of streaming, she’ll learn to trust chat over time. She’ll learn how to loose gracefully on this server at some point. Probably. hopefully. And since I don’t know when that will be I’ll just have to wait until season 6 and see what happens. It’s out of my control. She’s fine. It’ll be fine. 

Pentar:

Pentar is fine. He doesn’t understand why chat would tell him he’s the most likely to betray even though every video he betrays. Why is he doing that that’s so weird. But he’s a great teammate and everyone likes having him around. I don’t like how he laughs at Zam, but like I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn’t take anything seriously and laughs in the face of anything serious. I’ll have to wait and see until next time to see how I feel about what he does on the server. Real life can’t be repeated over and over so just let it go. It’ll be fine.

Minute:

Minute is just so happy to be in Lifesteal. He loves it so much. You can tell by how he speaks every time there’s a group moment. He’s going to be admin next season. He loves this server. He may be overly attached to the Rules and have black and white thinking and he sometimes wields that for his own gain and I hate when he does that can he just have fun and take things less seriously? But I think he’ll get it. He’s competent. And he loves the server. He wouldn’t destroy it even on accident because someone would call him out before that happens. It’s going to be fine. 

Ash: 

Ash can be mean and also not care about the good that our side is doing and just wave them away saying they’re just evil. He does’t get it. But also he’s quite the actor. He puts on a lore face when he logs on, you can see it in season 4 with the wormhole. You can see it when he logs on for the justice league returns and he’s so committed to being good and fighting evil and as Zam is killing Mid in the background and he’s all shocked as if he was not the one who goaded Zam into killing her moments before. It’s a character. Even when it feels like it shouldn’t be. He does take random events in stride, pulling up the meditation guidance video when they all got killed. He’s stressed out by it, but also takes it with some levity. He’ll be fine. He just chose a questionable character to act this season and didn’t know how to balance his position as admin separate from his need to win. But he’ll be fine.

Can you see how this is exhausting? This is my brain on the daily. 

Every day I find myself working through each person one after another as something small comes up to threaten the balance, or reinforce the good.

This is when I noticed this wasn’t simple excitement about the lore, thinking and guessing about what might happen.  It was the same thoughts over and over and over. And I couldn’t stop a line of thought until I mentioned all the things. That’s what made me look up ocd. 

But back to it, I’m actually so much more okay with Ash because it’s been a couple seasons with him. I’m starting to see his tells. So I can just let the rough parts slide away. 

And that’s really what I just have to accept. That I can’t self soothe my way into being okay. Resisting acknowledging what I’m afraid of is just making me spiral more. 

We’ve seen people choose to leave after stressful seasons. We know some people become aware that they aren’t cut out for Lifesteal. Or they just don’t want to be. Some of these members might decide that. And Lifesteal has continued despite members leaving. 

OMg can I please stop cataloging how it will be fine?

I have to sit with the reality and realize nothing bad DID happen, NOT that nothing bad MIGHT happen. 

(This is unironically so counterintuitive to my brain. What do you mean I have to just accept that nothing bad happened, what if something bad does happen!) (But that’s what anxiety looks like. That’s not a good)

How do you convince yourself that you can’t predict the future? Asking for a friend.

I think it goes back to caring. I don’t think I’m allowed to care about any of this. That it’s silly, or dumb, or immature. 

It was, in fact, in caring itself that the loss of Techno was so painful.

So I don’t allow myself to care. To get too invested. Any time I see that I’m caring I push up on the walls of my trenches and shove that shit out. Only analytical thoughts in here. Measurable, quote-filled analyses.

But caring does not therefore mean there will be a loss.

So. Okay. Pivot. What am I really afraid of? 

I’m afraid the server will end. That something will make Zam give up and leave. 

Wow. I thought that was going to be a long ass paragraph but it really is just that. I know I’ll stop watching lifesteal if Zam is gone. Unless someone new comes in that has his same spark and dedication. Unlikely. 

So that threat is the worst. 

And I’ve seen his interest wax and wane. I know he can disappear for a month. 

But I also know he can come back. And he’s been a lot more mature and healthy and confident in being the streamer of Lifesteal. In how much he loves the server. 

Which is where pb&j being such a threat to the fabric of how lore is done is so scary, because that changes Zam’s care. But then again. It really didn’t. He just pivots. 

One of the most healing things has been watching the old members leave and continue to make content. And seeing how they choose to make their exit. They honored the server and the time they were there, in Rek’s case uplifting Lifesteal.net, in Parrot’s in completely reediting all his footage into a cohesive story. 

And then they still make content together. All the members make content with each other outside of Lifesteal. (And those that left the internet forever, that was okay too)

So that’s nice. Some bad things came to pass, and they've shown their response to it. Also Zam taking a break didn’t change how the lore was created, so that wouldn’t be a trigger. 

The trigger from that fear would be if he did leave, my brain would go into high gear looking for who was going to die. And I would have a new post to write lol. 

The trigger that is still tilting me is that pb&j changed how the lore was made, and my brain went *danger* *danger* This is something that happened last time and you know how that turned out! Start looking for who is going to die!

And it stopped me from seeing how this is not the same situation. The pattern for a death that I think I’m seeing, is not a pattern. 

And sitting with how nothing DID go wrong, that fear did not come to pass, is exposure therapy.

Because nothing went catastrophically wrong with the season 5 finale. I just keep closing my eyes, sitting in the problematic lore, and not accepting what actually happened at the end of the season, and freaking out that disaster is coming.

So what happened?

Season 5, you tried to kill my server. 

But The server resisted. (Hahahah undertale reference!)

Clown came back. Ro came back. Branzy betrayed everyone for Clown. Bacon and Zam sat in vc the entire finale fight. Mapicc fought until he couldn’t.

Spepticle gave his account then fought for it back. Pangi gave his account. Spoke gave his account. Red did the blessings/curses as Zam wanted. 4C said he was glad to give Minute the presidency because he knew Minute wanted peace and he knew peace was not an option in Lifesteal. Actually the quietest of goats. Didn’t realize he thought that deeply about the server. 

And it meant so much that Clownpierce, who hasn’t been meaningfully involved since the season 3 finale, came back and fought for his server. He made Lifesteal season 2. It’s always been his domain and he fought for its soul.

That’s the season 5 finale. 

The Players fought for Lifesteal. The server resisted destruction. 

This chapter is closed. This season got it’s ending. And it’s “not like last time” like my brain keeps thinking. 

The season might have ended with a lot of unknowns for how it will affect season 6. Will these old members still care? Will pb&j be a menace still? 

But what happened was a moment where everyone came together to care about the server. And that means the anxiety was unfounded. If something happens like this again, I have an example where everything didn’t fall apart to counter my fear that it will. 

See you around!

If you actually read to the end you’re amazing. Hopefully this is something you can do in your life to help understand what is the cause of your pain and anxiety. I wasn’t going to post it initially, but working it out as a post I could theoretically show to other people helped make it way more real than trying to work it out in my head, talking to myself. I had to write it in such a way that someone else would understand. Even if I didn’t post it. 

I’ll probably have many more days of writing when I notice a new trigger. Exposure therapy isn’t a one and done. (I probably won’t post any of those.)

But my body feels so much more relaxed now. Something has shifted in my head as a result of writing this all down.

Good luck!