#dream bbq is making me realize a lot of things about the art i really like (ena. drop out/pluraltheys stuff. halo head) that uhh.... i kind

[toontowncreepypasta]

ive had a realization about what i could do about birdlime and ive been kind of stuck on it so if i make a lot of random birdlime content its bc im working that out in my head

[najatheangel]

hi! could I get a written ship for nct 127, nct dream, and seventeen? i am 5’5” with brown hair and brown eyes. i’m an isfj and gemini. i am generally calm and soft spoken, and my friends describe me as a happy, gentle, and studious person. i’m also told that I can be too nice for my own good, and i’m definitely a mom friend ahah. my hobbies include drawing, listening to music, reading manga, watching tv, traveling, and baking. i also love spending time with my friends and family and studying in cafes :) my favorite foods are sushi, poke, and korean bbq. i’m family-oriented and love animals, especially cats! i daydream a lot and would describe myself as an idealist. i tend to be drawn to people who have a cool or almost cold appearance but are actually sweet on the inside. arrogance, dishonesty, selfishness, and rudeness are huge pet-peeves of mine. my ideal date would be a comfy home date (cooking dinner together and watching a movie). thank you so much! hope you have a good day💗💗

Heyy gorgeous, thanks so much for requesting. So sorry for the hold up, but your ships are finally here...

From Nct Dream, I ship you with...Renjun

Positive Side: When I read your description from start to finish, I just knew I was going to ship you with him. Your personalities definitely make a good balance in a sense, because just like you, he’s very soft spoken, gentle, very friendly and can be in tone with his emotions in a positive light. He also can be fiesty, dramatic and very funny which adds more excitement to both of your relationship. When people try to take advantage of your kindnesses or even tease you too much, Renjun would stand up for you in a heart beat grasping your shoulder clinging you close to him. Dates would be sooo entertaining because you both have similar interests and hobbies. You guys will do weekly art projects together as dates and exchange them as gifts for other to hang up in your rooms. Since he's learning more about cooking as he go, he would get guidance from hyung Doyoung to prepare your favorite dish along with any movie of your choice. Lastly, he’s a sucker for baby kittens and the both of you would adopt 3 from the shelter to name them Clover, Sparkle and Coco. Being with him can help you both learn to love and blossom into a more stronger, loveable and powerful couple.

Negative Side: Renjun can be a tab bit sensitive when it comes to being with you. Every once in awhile, we see Renjun reveal his emotional side to czennies which can make me ooo so soft most of the time, but that’s only because he knows how to pour his heart out into his dream job and your relationship. I have a feeling sometimes he can’t control his jealousy by making assumptions when a guy is flirting with you or even touching you. The guy wouldn’t even be able to make eye contact more than 10 seconds, that enough would start to irritate him. Not saying he would act crazy, but he can only go so far with his patience, because this man can get real hot headed easily. I meann he has to deal with pranksters Haechan and Chenle so I understand his pain lol.

But...: After him pouting and ranting about the guy that was giving all over you, you gave him reassurance by taking him out for sushi and letting him stay the night at your place cuddling in your bed sharing hoodie as a blanket while watching anime. Renjun just loves giving his all to you and wanted to make sure that all the guys that would ever dare try to hit you up or hook up with you had to deal with facing your boyfriend and his fist. He can acting intense sometimes, but at the end of the day Renjun has the vocals and the personality of an angel and would never let anything bad happen to your relationship.

From Nct 127, I ship you with...Doyoung

Positive Side: Personally, I feel like matching you with Doyoung made the most sense to me. He would love how hard you study and how you have those traits of a mom very gentle, kind, calm and very wise. I have this feeling that in order to be with Doyoung, you have to keep up with his level of intelligence in order to understand him and his humor. I feel like in that aspect, that’s where you both click so well as friends and lovers. When around the members, you love to help Doyoung cook dinner almost every night with him learning new recipes and having intimate time together. Doyoung has been really bold lately especially with czennies so I can imagine him trying to flirt with you by wrapping his arms around you helping you mix or drop the amount of ingredients needed in the bowl. Cafe dates with him every weekend too to help you study for your exams, he would know exactly what study tools worked best for you and reward you with a kiss if you got all the answers right. Only straight A’s or no kisses was his number 1 rule. Lastly, he would be so professional yet protective of you when dealing with rude people. For example, if a saesang tried to spam you with texts asking for Doyoung’s Instagram account info, this man would grab your phone and troll them by giving them fake info. He would professionally go off on haters if it meant he could protect you.

Negative Side: Sometimes Doyoung can say harsh petty things, but a lot of times he means it as a joke. This side of him was hard to understand at first because most of the time you couldn’t tell if he was joking or being serious. Those times would lead to you feeling hurt inside and made it hard for you to face him. Even the other members that saw this happening, would thump Doyoung in the forehead very hard to make him realize what he’s done.

But...: Doyoung cares about you too much to let you feel sad, because of him. He apologizes with tears almost in his eyes and he even insists on allowing you to hit him. Instead, you both just hold each other’s hands and agreed to learn how to understand each other even more. After awhile his jokes doesn’t phase you and you even snap back at him. The love starts to become stronger at that point.

Awhhh our beautiful bunny boy 🥺🐰✨

From Seventeen, I ship you with... Jun

Positive Side: As much as I know seventeen, Jun is still kind of hard to describe personality wise. He does fit your ideal type as far as someone who would look cool and cold, but is actually sweet and laidback. He has very unique charms, hes a hard worker and he’s very talented. I can tell you this though, your both very idealistic and daydreamers which works out perfectly, because you both can work together help achieving your goals. You can help him stay motivated to continue to perform with seventeen and he can encourage you to focus on school and finish strong. Being the food lovers you both are, he’ll travel with you to the best tasting restaurants from Korean bbq to rolled ice cream. Expect lots of drunken moments with Jun especially when he’s out with the members. He’s only a giggler when he’s drunk, but he’s also a cuddler. When schedules become too busy and he’s super tired, he’s a very homey person so he would love to watch movies, reading manga together and playing games with you eating chocolate chip cookies you both just baked the other night. Lastly expect FaceTime shenanigans when he’s away on tour, he’ll be blowing up your phone trying to update you on everything that’s going on when he’s traveling with his members. “What is it this time Jun? You just called me 5 min ago.” “Check this out baby, they have these cute charm bracelets at this store. You want one?” “Awhh of course” Also. Never hang up without saying I love you or he’ll keep calling you back until you do.

Negative Side: Although both Gemini’s would seem like a disaster combination, it’s not as bad as you think. I think the only issue between you two would be the level of trust. In the beginning when you first moved in together, it was kind of hard to adjust living together, because he didn’t want you snooping into his things and you didn’t want him popping in your room whenever you were studying or changing. Those would lead to awkward conversations if you both ever broke those boundaries. The both of you at that point wouldn’t know how to recover from them awkward moments.

But...: After awhile, you both don’t seemed to be too bothered by it because you start to understand each other’s patterns and mood changes which is why you both can work easily together. It’ll tend to frustrate sometimes, but the both of you get over it and move on to the next thing. One minute your jokingly making fun of each other, the next minute you release that frustration out on each other through your make out sessions.

Out of everyone, I ship you with...Renjun the most.

@beahutiful thanks so much for requesting and I hope you enjoyed your ship. I also hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend.❤️❤️❤️

[adarlingfamily]

THIS    S I L E N C E    ENDS NOW.

What has been done unto me, will be silenced no more.

I need to get this off my chest.

It has taken me years to get to a place where I feel safe enough to write these words. These are by the far the hardest that I've ever had to write, but now that I have children of my own their innocence gives me the strength to speak up and share what has happened to me. I hope my story can help others speak up who have been too afraid or ashamed to share in the past. No longer will I sit in silence letting these memories eat me up inside. If I can protect just one person from the abuse I suffered, then all of the pain will be worth it.

Let me start off by saying I'm not here to call out people and name the people who abused me. Karma takes care of that for me. I have spent enough time thinking about hurting those who hurt me. But what does that prove? That I am no better than they are!

Hurting someone needlessly is an act of weakness, not strength. No, I am here to heal, to share, and to support others who may feel like they are dealing with their own sexual abuses all alone.

You are not alone! You are so much stronger than you can even imagine! You are capable of healing! You are loved! You deserve to be loved in a caring and respectful way!

Growing up I had a wonderful early childhood. My family didn't have very much money and we moved around a lot but as a child it didn't matter that much to me. Playing outside, riding bikes, and soaking up the sunshine with my sister was what was important to me.

At a young age I became fascinated with ballet, theatre, and performing arts. Determined that I would become the next prima ballerina I begged my mom to enroll me in a dance school. Despite it being a stretch financially they could see my passion for dance. I loved ballet. It made my soul sing. I loved the colorful tutu's, the beautiful costumes, and the grace of the older dancers twirling around on pointe. It all seemed like magic to me. I just wanted to be part of that world so badly.

That is, until I turned 8 years old. I went from a Montessori school to a public school for the first time. That change might not have been so dramatic if my classmates had been different, who knows?  In public school I stuck out like a sore thumb. I remember getting in trouble the first day of school for getting up to go to the bathroom during class. It didn't make sense to me that you had to ask to use the bathroom. I had always been trusted to take care of my own body. I thought to myself, “Where else would I be going?” Unfortunately that first day of school would not be the end of my bathroom torment.

Puberty was hitting us gals hard. Looking back on it all I wish I could just tell myself, "Who cares what she thinks!”  “You are beautiful just the way you are!" She was being mean to me because she was jealous. But I considered her more beautiful than I was. She was so exotic and tan compared to my white flesh. She was different, like I was but somehow I thought her kind of different was so much better than mine. I felt all alone, even though she was my "best friend" at school. As my chest blossomed so did her jealously. She started to bully and verbally rip apart another A-Cup girl like myself. I felt her turning on me. I didn't want her to bully me too so I went into hiding. Okay not literally. I hid my body and started wearing baggy shirts and sweatpants all the time. Hoping and praying she wouldn't notice my growing chest I clung on terrorized by this beautiful nightmare.

Meanwhile what feels like every time I needed to go pee at school I am cornered, bullied, and verbally harassed in my bathroom stall. These two girls had it out for me. I was painfully shy already so even the thought of someone peeping in between the cracks of the stall was mortifying enough, but oh no, these two took it to the next level. Standing on each toilet of the opposite stalls these bullies surrounded me with their peering eyes and creepy comments like "nice ass" which was a lot for a kid straight out of a completely different world. My bubble had been shattered. Day after day I dreaded having to go to the bathroom. Trying to seek refuge I would pick the last stall so at least I would have one side of privacy while I looked up terrified that any minute their eyes would POP up! Waiting, staring, taunting and terrifying me. I stopped going to the bathroom at school. The walks back from school became long enough to feel like torture as I continued to hold it.

Don't forget. I'm still doing ballet and since puberty has hit I have put on a little bit of weight. I am really serious about ballet, still following my dream of becoming a prima ballerina! After years of performing Nutcracker, Peter Pan, and other various seasonal shows I was picked to do my own solo performance. My dance teacher whom I loved and admired like a mother, danced with me. Her belief in me kept me going. Our "Mother, Daughter" dance moved the crowd to tears. I remember feeling so alive in that moment like "I was born for this!" Soon I was paying for such an electric performance.

Yet another "friend", a girl I met in ballet class had started to bully me about my recent weight gain calling me a "fatty" and a "lard ass" talking about how my butt jiggled when I walked during our ballet class. I was already embarrassed enough having to squeeze into my snug leotard and tights in the changing room. At that point things escalated to a whole other level leaving me contemplating suicide. This friend of mine was 'fancy', they lived on the lake in this big house with a boat and bbq's, an entire room just filled with awesome toys, and plenty of summer fun. Or so I thought at first.

This one is a tough memory to write about because it hits so damn close to home. Everything is so connected, now as I piece these repressed memories together 19 years later.

Our moms were friends and they loved chatting so we would go over to their house often. Seemed like at least once a week. During that time the older neighbor boy took a liking to us girls and after going swimming we were upstairs in her mom's bathroom getting ready to wash up. The neighbor boy burst in the door right as we had taken off our stinky lake suits and were hopping into a huge bathtub filled with fun bubbles.  Snapping pics in between our screams of protest "get out creep!" Finally after about a dozen or so nude photographs are captured he leaves. 

But no hold on, it gets worse. Sleepover nights with that friend become a barrage of unwanted late night games of "playing doctor". I couldn't take it anymore. My own "best friend" bullied and molested me (all of this on top of being sexually harassed and bullied at my new school!)  I quit ballet. Made up some lame ass excuse and quit. Threw it all away, years of practice and training. I needed to escape at least one bully in my life. I didn't feel like I had any choice. Finally after what feels like a century, the year of terror ends and I beg my mom to put me back in Montessori. Thankfully back at my old Montessori school I have a moment of calm from dealing with a bunch of sexual abuse at school. Sadly, because of what had happened to me I have a really hard time making new friends. I just couldn't trust anyone. I didn't want anyone close to me. I graduated from sixth grade feeling lonelier than ever, dreading what I knew was about to come. 

Seventh grade. A new school...a public school. My worst nightmare was coming true again and this time their was no where to hide. No more Montessori. (With only a few Montessori schools back then, they only went to 6th grade)

Time to face my demons again. Deep breath. 

A moment of calm and for a minute there I'm invisible. Everyone has already made friends with each other in 6th grade and no one wants to hang out with me. Which is okay for a little bit but it gets kinda lonely after a while. I finally make a friend and we are best buds! Going to the mall, watching movies together, laughing, giggling, and having a great time together.  

Without this friend I wouldn't have known how to let happiness and love into my heart again. I know we haven't talked in a while but I want to thank you. Your friendship and kindness in my time of darkness saved me. But even during times of light, darkness still found me... this time during the bus ride home. 

Deep down, I was still depressed and I wanted to be away from everyone and honestly just be left alone. This guy in my grade started getting really pushy and weird about sitting next to me. He insisted on sitting by the window and as I stand up to protest he pushes me down and rubs his crotch in my face, he sits down, looks out the window, then looks back at me with a look that would have turned water into ice. At this point everyone's getting in the bus, it's loud and chaotic...EVERY DAY he would seize his perfect moment to strike. I rode in fear. I was so painfully shy and honestly terrified of what this boy (a major bully) would do to me if he found out I reported him to anyone. Coming from Montessori school we didn't have much of these kinds of issues so I did not know how to respond. Instead I let my silence wash over me while I suffered the daily grind. 

Eighth grade. At this point I'm so scared and confused about what love is. Despite moving all around town I've been madly in live with a childhood friend and finally I get the chance to go to the same school. Sadly because of all that has happened, I have all of this rage pent up inside of me. One day during a silly game of kickball I explode like a volcano, in a fit of rage I unleash all sorts of swear words and my friend floats away from me forever. After that day I've come to realize the true stinging power of the silent treatment. As far as he was concerned I was invisible and as he looked through me, not at me! I lost hold of one of the rare feelings of love in my childhood. He was one of the only constant joys in my life. If we were hanging out everything was groovy. Running around in the rain, playing tag amongst the plants in the garden, dripping paint all over my head as we paint your little play house. I can still feel the tears running down my cheeks after getting off the phone for the last time. You didn't want to be friends anymore. You were my rock, someone who knew me before all of this abuse happened. I had never felt more alone.

My depression worsens and I can't imagine what is about to happen in high school. Images on the TV tell me that all the girls wear high heels and looks much older than they are. I have my first day of school outfit picked out months in advance. A grey off the shoulder long sleeve shirt, skinny jeans, and a pair a red semi high heels. I felt so grown up, so mature, and yes finally so exotic and beautiful. I soon discover that actually pretty much no one wears high heels to school unless you are going to a dance.  Oh so awkward. Thankfully my mom has literally forced me to do a sport and although I'm not into sports I really love to swim. (Thank you Mom!) Having the supportive comments from the older teammates really helped me overcome my paralyzing first day of school fear.   

Picture this, its freshman year. The first day of school and I'm late to class after lunch because, well I'm not really sure where my class is.  I don't have time to change as I burst through the door to my weight training class. It's warm up time and everyone's doing push ups. Without a word, high heels and all I join in, digging deep, cuz even though I'm a girl I want them to know  I belong here. 

What coach says next warns my heart to this day "Oh come on boys, this girl just showed up and she can do push ups better than half of yah AND SHE’S WEARING HIGH HEELS!"   Even though I felt silly wearing those stupid shoes all day, it was all worth it for that one moment. 

I am a strong women and that day I discovered my hidden power. 

Through the greatest times of darkness my light still finds a way to shine.  I'm focused on school and swimming and soon it's my sophomore year. Thanks to my moms initial push, I've realized how much I love swimming and being focused on that helps immensely with my depression. My swim coach rocks and is a serious influence on me finding my inner and outer strength.  

I will soon need every ounce of that very thing. Evil takes on many different forms along this journey. He's my first "real official highschool boyfriend" and I'm really excited. At the time all the girls in my close circle were obsessed with him and I felt honored that out of everyone he chose me. Soon I would regret that very thought. Quickly things started to unravel, sexually he was all pent up, his mom went on every date with us, she was always there. I'm still a virgin at this point but the sharks are circling in the water, and boy oh boy do they smell blood. Now I need to take a moment. 

I've been scared shitless to share this next part of my story for years. Silently suffering and distancing myself from my quite large family. I'm not afraid of what everyone will think. I regret not protecting my other family members. What happened to me was not okay and has taken me so long to stop blaming myself for what happened, finally to get it out and more forward in my healing work. 

The Internet played its part in helping along this next development as I sped closer to my sweet sixteen. I had started chatting with an older family member on aim and soon things got sexual. I was seduced by the draw of being something that I wasn't through the Internet, I pretended like I was actually "cool" enough to have been to a couple party's (soo not true!) and things escalated from there. It seemed innocent at the time, he wasn't really touching me so I felt safe sitting at home and yeah eventually turned on. No one had ever talked to me like that and even though I wasn't attracted to my family member it felt nice to capture someone's attention. I just wanted to be loved. My family was falling apart, and as my parents turned on each other I tried to deal with that, all the while adding another huge load of baggage of my own. This family member was staying with my grandparents and my sister and I consistently  spent the night during the weekends. He would often say "it's okay, we're not actually related" but even so I was not ready for what was about to come. First was the aim conversations, then he'd pin me down or pull me into him on the couch for a kiss. At first that was all it was, a tease. Lots of talk, some kissing and then the finale. He had been talking a lot about how he couldn't take away my virginity. I knew he wanted me badly but would not do anything until I wasn't a virgin. One night after staying out late at a party he came home, took a shower and then came into my room. More kissing.  "Take off your panties" he demands Not happening. I just started my period and my panty liner is my only protection as he pulls me on top of him. He's kissing me and then putting something in my hand, suddenly with disgust I realize why it's growing. I had never even touched a penis before and was instantly revolted. His hands are everywhere and as his fingers find my panty liner and starts stroking, I shut down. All of my blood runs cold, thankfully my flight response kicks in and I am able to scramble away. (Thank you for not chasing me down. I think you knew what you were doing was wrong but couldn’t help yourself because of what trauma was going on in your life. Know this, I forgive you) Now don't forget I have a super sexual boyfriend constantly being repressed by his mother presence around us. It's summertime. He has his parents house to himself and he wants me to come over. My parents are away at a concert but thanks to aim I am able to get ahold of my family member (actively molesting me) to drive me over to my boyfriends house. I tell my sister I'm going for a walk and I get dropped off. I can still remember exactly what I was wearing. A t-shirt, jeans, and sandals, nothing scandalous. He leads me through the dark house from the back door to his bedroom.  This is not what I pictured for such a sacred event.  My boyfriend tells me to "take off my pants and get on top". It hurts!  I say stop, instead he goes harder and a knife from his headboard falls on his head. 

No romance, no candles, no passion or pleasure. In less then 15 minutes I'm calling my family member to come pick me up again. During the ride home my family member taunts me about how quick that was, and tells me how he could satisfy me, obviously unlike my boyfriend. My sisters mad at me when I get home, my walk was too long. I take a shower because I've been told to do so by my boyfriend. I don't realize the gravity of the situation right away. None of my close friends had lost their virginity, so I thought it happened like that for everyone. I had said yes initially to what my boyfriend was doing, my consent ended when he started to hurt me and did not stop. It isn't until senior year that I realize I had been raped. 

Junior year I fall in love with someone who is not mine and I suffer the consequences. It's been years and I finally feel that warm fuzzy kind of love and am willing to see past all sorts of flaws in a person and situation that was not good for me. Yet again I can't go to the bathroom alone anymore because some older girls are "protecting" their friend. They've started pushing me around in the bathrooms, in the hallways, going to and from the parking lot and anywhere else they could at school. My body is constantly covered in bruises. It gets worse as things at home are in shambles. He quickly cheats on me and I spend all summer laying in bed dead to the world. I don't want to move, I'm crushed and I can't take it anymore. I'm numb. A zombie shell of a girl I used to be. 

Where is the love? I focus on getting out of this "small ass town" I enjoy my senior year. I've reinvented myself. I fail math class the first half of the year and because of extra credits, I get to have 3 art classes. My art teacher rocks and boosts my confidence even more. I relax. I find an older guy (not from high school) that I'm really into. He protects me and shows great concern when this family member (who I've finally shared with someone has abused me) wants to hang out my more and more with other younger family members.

I start healing. I go to off college. 

I face my demons. I try to drown them. 

Not able to cope with my madness, I leave my boyfriend behind. I get used to the idea of being alone. And then my high school crush asks me out on a date. From those first nervous moments we blend together. Talking for hours, music's playing but I'm not really listening, our accents come out. I feel so comfortable. I welcome him into my home and slowly into my heart. We date and move in together. I graduate college. He ask for my hand in marriage, I say yes and we are engaged. We have kids together. I start to pursue another life long dream of being a Montessori teacher. It's been years since I've had to deal with any sort of serious sexual harassment but then suddenly it's all happening again. I very strongly believe that if you have been sexually abused you become venerable to this kind of trauma and it is easy to suffer the same abuses over and over again.  It isn't easy work because during this time we must go to the root of our suffering in order to start to healing and realign with our true selves. 

I am doing my thing. I love being a teacher. In only a year I've been promoted from assistant to lead teacher. I've found my passion again through Infant Montessori but soon my perfect world is shattered. I'd known my boss since I was little but it wasn't her that was the problem. It was her husband. He starts showing up to my classroom every day. Trapping me and talking with me while I'm trying to do my job taking care of 13 kiddos under the age of 3. These constant distractions became a everyday struggle. Then the comments start. I'm wearing my favorite maternity dress.   Bending over a small sensory table I am starting my day in the classroom, helping the children explore our latest sensory experience. Parents are dropping off their kids and helping them remove and put away their boots and coats. My assistant teacher is an arms length away, reading stories to a couple other students in the reading corner He opens the door to the classroom.  Wide eyed I stand straight up, knowing he would enjoy the view all too much. His hungry eyes ready to eat me up finally drift upwards.  "Oh, don't get up on account of me!" 

He proceeds to stay during the entire class period and peer at my chest some more as he towers over me while I attempt to help my little friends. Trapped in my classroom I have no where to hide. So many thoughts are running through my head. “What the hell! I'm an adult now, this should not be happening at my work of all places!” I'm sick of being treated like this, he stares longingly at my cleavage and I catch his eyes with mine and look into his very soul with a hatred that comes from years of abuse. I have everything set up to get a scholarship for my Montessori Certification. That Monday morning I'm struck with cramps so badly I nearly fall to the floor when they wash over me. 

I couldn't take it anymore! Every day I had suffered but now I was pregnant with a daughter. I had to protect her. I had to get away from him. He wasn't going to stop.  He had done this before. It was only going to get worse. I had to leave. 

Once again I gave up on my dream, but this time it was to protect my daughter.  

Every day I struggle with these memories. I've spent the last four years driving past the house where I was raped. I've tried to drown my sorrows and I've stared them soberly down. My children have saved me and shown me how strong I really am. To all of those sitting in silence letting it eat you up, just let it out. Write it down. Talk about it. Get that shit out! Cry your eyes out! Feel it for a final moment, let it have power, be afraid, focus on your breathe, then take back your power! You are alive! Spread your love Follow your dreams Never give up You are the change! A note to my abusers, you know who you are... I forgive you. I know something bad must have happened to you too. I love you, you can't rush your healing but talking to someone you trust sure does help :) This took me 11 years to write, don't make the same mistake that I did! If something bad is happening to you, SPEAK UP! You are not alone. If you don't have anyone you can trust to talk to, try chatting with me @ ijustneedsomeonetotalktommkay@gmail.com

Authors Note: I found this video after finally drafting up my post. It moved me to tears and spoke to my soul, I think it is something that needs to be shared. THE QUOTES THAT TOUCHED MY HEART

“Depression comes as a gift asking that a woman recognize her own substance and trust it as the quiet, steady voice of her own truth. As she trusts it, hearkens to it, attends as it unfolds, she learns that of herself never allowed to develop when her allegiance  was with the collective…” “Depression serves a woman is it presses down on her, forcing her to leave behind that which was not herself, which had influenced her to live a life alien to her own nature. Her suffering, now substantial, insists that she no longer deny its truth. " “For through her descent, she touches the power of the feminine, the power that comes of being, not doing… the power of wisdom in the face of a very old woman, a face on which one reads, ‘I know what I know.’ “A woman through her descent, touches a deeply feminine authority, as different from the authority of the masculine as is the moon from the sun. “It is an authority not of abstracted, rational, objective knowledge, but an authority which allows her to speak from her own unique experiencing of life, from her own deepest personal conviction.

http://www.mysticmamma.com/the-descent-in-the-feminine-process/ THE VIDEO The gift of depression aka the Feminine Descent by Stephanie Lin

To all of those reading this, Thank you! Thank you for holding this space for me to share without shame or fear of judgement. I love and appreciate you  Our time is now. No more playing small!  We can no longer stay silent. Peace, Love and Light -Mama Bear

[houseofvans]

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | MEL KADEL (LA)

Los Angeles based artist Mel Kadel’s intricately detailed, carefully plotted, and insightfully drawn and watercolored works often feature her iconic female protagonist exploring, struggling, suffocating, and entangling as well as confronting, battling, and overcoming abstract obstacles and unlikely circumstances. From walls to furniture to customizing some sweet Vans Customs, Mel’s works has been featured in galleries all around the world.  Like her art, Mel is not only one thing–from running her own online shop, silk screening and hand coloring her own prints, to actively utilizing her art as a platform for her activism. In this latest Sketchy Behaviors, we find out more about Mel– from her first art show to what inspires her as well as what project she’s been the most proud of this year!  

We love Mel, so will you–Make the leap. 

Photographs courtesy of the artist | Additional photographs by Aaron Farley

Introduce yourself (and maybe a fun or interesting fact you’d like to share about yourself or background). I’m an artist living in Echo Park.  I came from the east coast with a couple suitcases to see what it was like, and I’m still here 20 years later.  I grew up in the suburbs, and when I was a teenager I delivered pizza and became obsessed with drawing.  My high school art teacher Selby and I still write each other on a regular basis.  If it wasn’t for her, I might still be delivering pizzas.       What was the first thing you remember ever drawing? What do you remember about it?  My brother is 3 years older than me, and would come home from high school when I was about 13, and give me the same art lessons he was doing in class.  One that comes to mind was turning a photo upside down and drawing it, an exercise in observation.  So he handed me David Bowie’s “Diamond Dogs” album, turned it upside down, and said “draw this”.

A lot of your work feature a female protagonist interacting, feeling, and encountering obstacles and overcoming them.  Who is she and what does she represents?  I’ve always removed myself from these characters when talking about my work, but as time goes by, I’m realizing more and more how much I’m a part of them.  They are little snap shots of emotions that I connect with enough to try and communicate.  The characters walk a fine line between strength and vulnerability, which is something most of us can relate to.  

What’s your most favorite part of the creation process? What’s your favorite thing to draw when working on a piece?  Do you have a least favorite part? The initial pencil sketch is my least favorite part.  It’s just not that interesting to me, so I try to get through that pretty quickly.  Once I begin going in with color and pen lines, I get into a really nice meditative state.  

What was your very first art show like? And how did that come about? I showed my work around LA for a couple years, in cafes and group shows, before having my first solo show at Jeff Electric Gallery in 2002.  The “Los Angeles Horse Show” was a collection of photos and drawings based on a toy horse that I carried around for months.  This horse was my copilot, coming with me to every music venue, bbq, and party.  I’d photograph people holding him, and based a large body of work from these portraits.  I had some fun times taking pics of Tony Alva, Raymond Pettibon, Don Bolles, and over 100 other friends and local characters.  I loved how social the project was.  The horse helped me get to know a lot of people and became a buffer to a relatively new city.

Favorite materials? When and why did you start staining your own paper? My materials are really basic:  Paper, pens, ink, and maybe some glue.  Years ago, I would draw on old book paper.  The yellowish color gave it an instant warmth that I liked.  But it had limitations because the sheets were so small and fragile.  So as a way to work larger and use more ink & color, I needed something stronger.  I tried to mimic these old sheets by staining thick water color paper with coffee.  The coffee’s tone helps make the colors I’m looking for, and gives me a base that feels comfortable.  I try to work on white from time to time, but It never feels quite right.

What kind of music do you listen to while creating stuff? I’m all over the place.  NPR, music, podcasts, listening to tv, and silence.  I go back and forth all day.

Who are some artists that you currently feel are creating some really cool stuff? They first few that come to mind:  Chantal Joffe, Andy Rementer, Michelle Blade, Andrew Jeffrey Wright, Wangechi Mutu, Richard Colman, Jules de Balincourt, and Travis Millard.

What would your ideal collaborative project be like? I would like to collaborate on more functional pieces like furniture, wall paper, bed sheets, lamps, anything that’s can become a part of a space.

What do you look for when you see an artist’s work? What are you drawn towards art wise? There is nothing in particular that I’m looking for, but if something strikes me it’s like a gut reaction.  Similar to the way you might feel a connection to someone when first meeting them.  It either clicks or it doesn’t.  Whether it’s a comic or an abstract painting, I’m attracted to that underlying feeling it gives me and some sense of authenticity.   

Has it been difficult being an artist?  What are some of the challenges you face, and how do you overcome them? I don’t know of anything that isn’t difficult in one way or another.  But yes, art has it’s own unique challenges beyond just creating the work.  For most people the challenges in the studio are part of the process, but trying to make a living at this can be an emotional rollercoaster.  There are these blissful moments where everything seems to be clicking, right before you’re hit with uncertainty, and that voice in your head has to keep you moving forward.  That personal dialogue can be really hard to do over and over, especially if you have some insecurity hanging around.  But really, that’s the hard stuff.  Once you get past that, you’re golden, at least for a little while. 

What project are you the most proud of? What’s something you’d love to do but haven’t had the opportunity to do yet? I put an image out this year during the Women’s March with the words “Her Rights Unite”, making posters and t-shirts.  With everything suddenly shifting in our country after the election, and this huge uproar happening, I felt very strongly about connecting my work to this moment.  It’s like the images I’ve been making my whole life about people (mostly women) struggling and persevering, connected with something larger and louder than ever before.  

How are you “Not Just One Thing?” When I’m not working on drawings, which is pretty solitary for me, I go the other direction.  Walking, hiking, gardening, dog walking, seeing friends, being a spectator.  I’m good at being a sponge.

What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t an artist? Running my family’s arcade at Knoebel’s Grove amusement park, in Pennsylvania.  I worked at the arcade when I was 15, and still day dream about dropping everything and moving back to run the business after my uncles retire.  

What are your favorite Vans?  Canvas Old Skool

What advice would you give someone who wants to do what you do? Every artist I know has carved a very unique path for themselves.  All trial and error really.  What works for some people, doesn’t necessarily work for others.  And that path changes all the time.  So my advice is to not watch other artist’s careers too closely. Choose what feels right to you, collaborate with others, try to apply your work in different ways to keep things interesting, and while you’re busy trying to show it off to the world, remember that your work is more interesting than mimicking the vision of someone else.   The ups and downs will always be there, so enjoy the moments that feel good, there’s nothing like it.  

What do you have coming up for the rest of 2017?   The rest of this year will be spent creating work for exhibits next year.  In 2018 I have a solo show in Los Angeles, and will be traveling to Japan to do a little something at Beams.  I also have a collaborative project that I’m working on with Michelle Blade, so hopefully we’ll be releasing that next year. 

Follow Mel Kadel Website:  http://melkadel.com Instagram:  @melkadel Shop:  http://melkadel.bigcartel.com  

[artdjgblog]

Innerview: M.C. / California Univ. of Pennsylvania​

April 2007

Photo: Family Farm via Google

Note: ​Interview for a design student’s art history paper​.​

0​1) Where did you grow up? My birth was almost recorded at home in an early 1979 blizzard. The gravel road was so full of snow that my mother was transported by a tractor to the paved road leading to the nearest hospital in the town of Chillicothe, MO. I spent the first half of the ’80s on this farm. My brother and I had the best “Star Wars” collection, the old cow got stuck in the mud, I trapped granddaddy long legs in mayonnaise jars, I cried to the raccoon wallpaper, we had chickens in the basement, I loved to romp around the farm and enjoyed everything from dead animals, to The Beatles to tractor pulls. There was a strange beast known as Leopard Man who roamed the local woods, lept fences in a single bound and liked to sneak into houses in search of peanut butter. One of the most memorable moments in my life, a significant spark that led me to my current path of thinking, came in the middle of a somewhat existential crisis in kindergarten where I blacked-out on top of a large metal slide and cracked my head on the ground. My Father’s dream farm was dry for many seasons until the bank kicked us out for lack of bill paying. Thus, forcing us to move into the house/farm that my Father grew up on. This new tilled earth was on a black-top tar road in the rural farming lands of North Central Missouri (really, not too far from the first farm and closer to my grandparents). The town I went to school in has 360 occupants. The graduating class of 1997 had 24. Many additions and renovations later, my parents are still in that same house today. We have a bridge over a creek and many memories of tree houses, dams, forts, sandbox creations, walking on ice and animals are still imprinted there. There are four of us farm children. We loved the opportunity of being able to pee outside, swim in the creek and cattle tank and getting hosed off at the back door…though, none of us will carry on the legacy of the farm that has had many generations of Gibson children laughing and crying in it’s dirt. Even though a majority of time was spent out-of-doors, going to county fairs, playing with animals, hunting and getting dirty, a large portion of time was spent locked in our bedrooms making things and drawing. As children of the 1980s we consumed every possible pop-culture outlet to the real world. My favorite things of the period are still sitting in my studio. Still to this day I can not understand how people shed the things from their youth. I still have everything my grandmother made me. Though, I do not have my dead animal backpack. It got thrown-out. My biggest influences from the time are my Grandparents, Garbage Pail Kids, Pee-Wee Herman, Dr. Demento, war, animals, comic books, tractor pulls, ball cards, films and anything by Jim Henson. My best friend lived in a funeral home. I spent many nights there. We saw many townsfolk lay there. One time we went to the Kansas City, MO airport to pick-up a dead body in the hearse and then went to eat at Showbiz Pizza for my friend’s birthday. When there was a dry spell we played ping-pong and watched movies in the funeral parlor. This was my new after school sanctuary. Even though I could watch most anything at home, I saw many new titles with my buddy. These include Shaft, The Godfather, Alien, Terminator, Evil Dead and loads of other awesome things of that nature. In high school I still stayed in my room as everyone else was out dating. I didn’t understand it all. I was still trying to understand myself. I also enjoyed shooting baskets by myself on my homemade basketball court in the middle of the sheep lot. I spent all of my spare time drawing and making things and playing with my big sheep dog named Bear. I loved skyscrapers, baseball stadiums and graffiti. I wanted to be a sports stadium architect until I realized I was never going to get the hang of math. I went to a Fine Arts Academy in Missouri in the summer of 1996 and realized that maybe I could be a person who makes things of some sort. It was the only thing I was ok at. 0​2) Where do you live now and how do these setting​s​ influence your work? I am well into my 6th year of living in Kansas City, MO. If I get moody for a break from city life or a desperate want to see the stars at night, a two hour retreat can easily be made back to the farm. I enjoy going back and someday I’d like to live in a more rural setting, but closer to the city. I really don’t know how much longer I’ll live here. I’m itching to experience life in other regions. I don’t wish to live an die in the same state. The first four years of my design odyssey I worked as a janitor and grounds keeper. I love these kinds of jobs because I am my own boss, I am left alone and I feel like I am actually doing something with my time…cleaning and drawing and thinking and reading and writing and eating. Now I am employed within a seven minute walk out my back door. My parents think this new job is more prestigious because i sit in a sterile office cubicle and type things into a computer all day. They think it’s a real job. It is not a real place to me. I kinda envy the bum that drinks a cold one every morning at eleven in the back alley and then goes about his business of freedom. The good thing is that I still draw and think while I’m there and I am fortunate to do a lot of networking on the internet. The only honest reasons for me to be there are walking to work, free bbq and soda and health insurance. It is an ok place, but I know it is not my place. Anymore I tire easily of the idea of working another man’s dream. But, it keeps the basement lights on. I do miss bringing home strange and wonderful items from my janitorial positions and all the extra time I had to read books and comics and being alone. However, with my new job I start later so I can squeeze a few rounds of my real work before. Mornings are my best work time. I love to be alone in my basement, maybe a cat or two…I am developing the bad back/posture of my grandfather’s lineage from crouching in my design clubhouse at a table made out of an old door and windows from the farm chicken house. If I am not making things I love to watch movies. I love to hang-out with my wife and four cats too. ​0​3) Where did you receive your education? All that required me to get into Southwest Missouri State University (now, Missouri State University) was top 50% of my graduating class and a minimum score on the ACT. I was the number 12 student out of 24 in my class and I can’t remember my ACT score, but it was right on the nose. I was familiar with the school and town from the setting of the Missouri Fine Arts Academy, so I was good to go. I​t​ doesn’t take much in high school to take top honors as one of the best art talents. However, in college I kind of had to start over as I found there was an abundance to build and grow from and I had a lot to learn and do. On top of that I was extremely naive to what I was getting in to with the graphic arts. I made an outlandish claim to some classmates my first year that I was going to take the route of graphic design that didn’t involve computers. I had no idea the impact of computers on design. Rather, I just wanted to make things with my hands. Turns out things were definitely in my favor as I realized how much of a privilege it was/is to study design there. ​0​4) Describe the curriculum and how effectively do you feel it prepared you for your career? The design professors I studied under are from Eastern Europe and Russia. This was a very unique experience not only in the subject of design but also culture. For a bushy-tailed farm boy this was an immense impact especially. The ways of teaching was more in a tradition sense. Certainly, we learned computers, but more importantly the idea of thinking and drawing. It’s a crucial element to be able to draw. Not only with a pen or pencil but an exacto knife. I don’t believe someone when they say they can’t draw. And it really bothers me when it is a designer. And I don’t understand it when designers fit design/art into a time frame. That’s never been an issue for me. If the switch is off then I must be dead. I know of people who work full-time design jobs that they hate. They come home and don’t do anything but complain about their day. Why not put that frustration towards making something? I know that jobs can drain you physically and emotionally, but why even put yourself through the design motions if you don’t love it…or even be at a place that doesn’t honestly love you back? If I ever had a “real” design job, it better cater to me. It better give me parental rights. Anyway…I am rambling. The importance of design history and culture was also taught in school. Even on my own now I am still cultivating knowledge. Not only from professional design past and present, but from the language of everyday people and things in the world. I don’t consider what I’m doing just for designers or art types. It’s for everyone. This is something that I grabbed from school too. You’ve got to learn how to speak in different languages visually and somehow make it universal. Design is a powerful tool. One of the most powerful things on the planet. 0​5) How did you get your start? Every semester the last couple years of school we would get the itch for the “real” world of design and take tours of professional firms. I always came out of these experiences rather disappointed and depressed. Nothing was heartfelt to me. It was all soulless and everything seemed glossed over and departmentalized. Cookie cutter conveyor belt meat markets. Not every place is like that, but everything that I saw was just dead to me. As a person who is very private and protective of their creative freedom and parental rights and on the path to doing things a bit different, nothing seemed right for me. This isn’t the case for every one. I think we all fit somewhere and you have to find your voice. The big shot studios just weren’t for me. And at that time there weren’t as many smaller firms like there are today. And even then the smaller ones weren’t impressing me much. Anyway….I was doing a lot of work for bands/musicians on the side in school at this time. This was something I loved. It clicked and felt right. I had creative freedom and owned my own work…and I loved music. So, I just befriended many music people and it’s been word of mouth ever since 2000. And if you do something enough it just becomes a part of you. I feel I hit the whole rock poster revival scene just right and started getting recognition and response right away. And here I am…still here, I guess. Though, I’m definitely looking to branch out a bit more. I’m currently interested in making some books and working with clients that can help me quit my day job. I’ll always flirt with the band stuff. Even though there is no money in independent music design and people can sometimes be pretty flakey and unreliable. But, I knew what I was getting into when Art Chantry told me, “Expect to starve. Several times over.” ​0​6) Did you have an internship? Never. Never really wanted one. Never really needed one because I was doing so much freelance my last two years of college. And when I dropped out of school and moved to Kansas City I didn’t want an internship because I was already starting my own little company. I had friends that worked internships. Some with hardships…some eventually helped sail the ships. It just wasn’t my direction. Everybody has a different voice in their design tool belt. What’s funny now is that I have many students contact me every Spring in hopes to intern with this big design firm called DJG Design. It’s funny and sad when I tell them it’s just me and I don’t even make enough money for me to be a full-time employee. Someday I just might take them up on it though. I can pay in hot dogs or something. They can sleep on my floor. I feel bad for most kids that get into an intern relationship. It’s generally a great experience and can lead to possible employment, but I feel that if you are working your rear off and a lot of the time doing the dirt work for people, there should be a reward. Some don’t pay at all, which means you either have to be independently wealthy or work a second job. I wouldn’t want my intern working a second job because that is less time and thought spent on what they really need to be doing. That is ridiculous to me. Oh well, I guess I’m not in a position to authentically voice that from either side. ​0​7) What was your first design job? Was it a positive experience? The only “real” design job I’ve come close to having was making fliers for the department of Campus Recreation at Southwest Missouri State University. It was ridiculous from the top as the ones running the show didn’t trust designers to design for them. The design was off balance from the get go. And of course I was hired for my skills, though they thought they could play art director. Even the guy who was hired to be my art director had no design skills or background, but he was cool. He and I became really close friends and most of the time just cranked out all of our work rather rapidly because we knew what the head honchos would like. The rest of the time we laid on the floor and listened to music. I think we made a lot of people nervous because they didn’t know how to handle us. I gave-up at any real glimpses of trying to use the skills I learned that helped pay the salaries there…and my earning was dirt. It was really ridiculous. Though, on the side of that job I gained some access to valuable resources by way of computers and copy machines and was able to receive a few other design tasks on the side. At the time they were great learning experiences and helped me start to build a name for myself. A name that couldn’t be made working under anybody else. Still, I had people of higher position/status that knew nothing about design try to give me their rusty cents. They tried to tell me how to do things and I took the liberty to put my own personal stamp on things. I made a few things for different student activity groups and brochures and giant poster calendars that every student received. I was the last person to make the giant posters because of how nervous I made the people higher up. It was so great to hold that kind of power at my fingertips. ​0​8) How do you feel about advertising/marketing? I am able to get away with a lot and I pretty much do what I want with my brand of show poster promotion. But, there is a responsibility that comes with that. I’m not only representing myself, but the band, promoter, venue, city…place it’s hanging up. I guess it’s not really advertising, but it is in it’s own abstract way. In terms of conventional advertising/marketing, I can’t really take anything seriously. Maybe because I know how easy it can be for a designer to slap something together to get attention or emotions all wound-up. And it’s normally all about money. Design has really poisoned me but it’s also helped me to see. I dislike most all advertising and marketing. I could never work for them unless it’s on my terms. I realize it’s all a blanket of fabrication to push a product or service, but there are very few things that feel pure and honest to me anymore. And it’s getting worse in the world. Yeah, something can be clever or interesting or well-rendered or smart or completely over-the-top-awesome and get me to laugh, think or kick the air. But, that doesn’t mean it’s gonna change my life. I don’t know any more than the next guy. I can barely read a restaurant menu. And I’m so tired of bandwagon designs and other people telling me what’s hot. I don’t care what’s hot. It’s all so uninspiring and unimportant to me. I see this going on in the majority of the music industry too with every flavor-of-the-month recycled band lacking true heart and spirit. ​0​9) How did you become interested in graphic design? Early on it was anything from the “Star Wars” logo, to logos on seed corn sacks, to sports team logos, to the Apple Records logo, to the “Batman” emblem to the power of historical symbols like the swastika, indian arrowheads and cave paintings. Growing up I didn’t really know what graphic design was in a professional sense. But I knew about it in the manner of how things should be put together in my head and own little world. I just enjoyed drawing logos and comics and all sorts of things, cutting things from magazines and designing type. I was horrible at math but I could draw geometric configurations like mad. The kids that sparkled at math couldn’t draw a straight line. It was so weird to me that they could compute, but not see things like me. In the fifth grade I won a county-wide logo competition. I knew I would win. I was chosen out of several hundred students from many age divisions to represent a skating rink. I received 10 free passes for winning and was supposed to be honored in the grand opening but my school principal forgot to tell me about the celebration. What a joke. Which, I didn’t really care about (Heck, I still don’t like to go to my own art openings). But, I was more upset when my family drove by the logo on the building and it was completely butchered. It wasn’t even mine anymore. I was so sad about that. Maybe that’s why I do things my way now. 10) Are there any designers that you are influenced by? A life-changing design day was when a Lester Beall book fell at my feet in the library while I was shuffling for a book down the shelf. I immediately diverted my search for whatever it was I was looking up and fell in love with Lester Beall. He is one of the great pioneers of modern design. And he seemed like a human being first and a designer second. I could really relate to him. I felt a connection to him when I saw him hugging a lamb. He had a design studio in his sheep barn. It was the coolest and I wanted to get to know him. I checked that book out for the next four months straight. I have many influences. Not only do designers/artists inspire me, but just everyday people and things in the world. I collect worn gloves, handwriting, lists, notes, children’s drawings and many things from the city streets. Ordinary trash becomes my treasure. I am always walking with my head down in hopes of spotting an animal or item in something. And i love thrift stores and pawn shops. My favorite artists are one of the folk art nature. Un-skilled people who one day just start making things. I really love Bill Traylor, Henry Darger, Gregory Blackstock, and Robert E. Smith. There is just so much heart and soul in folk art. I’m not into a lot of painters. I do like some Picasso and most all Robert Rauschenberg, Jean Michel-Basquiat and Peter Blake. Some of my favorite illustrators and designers include Saul Steinberg, Ray Johnson, Stanley Donwood, Henryk Tomaszewski, Alan Fletcher, Edward Gorey, Daniel Johnston, Art Chantry, Chris Ware, Stefan Sagmeister, Seymour Chwast (Push Pin!), Peter Saville, Vaughn Oliver and V23, Aubrey Beardsley, Graphus, James Victore, Saul Bass, Raymond Pettibon, Paul Klee, Ivan Chermayeff, Ralph Steadman, Paul Rand, Tibor Kalman, Cy Twombly…anyway, most anybody that has something to say and in their own way authentically. 11) It seems that your work references a DADA/Futurism/Constructivism style, would you agree with this? What draws you to this style? Rarely do I think about “style” until people bring it up in interviews or in person. Honestly, I don’t strive to attain one. Each day is different for me and my mind and design. I’ve always appreciated what Stefan Sagmeister says, “Style = Fart”. I guess when you approach it as a body of work the design I spill fits in a certain place. But, it’s more about idea and emotion to me. That is what and how it should be. I agree partly with your take on what the look of my body of work references. Maybe a lot of that is due to my particular like of the older school of design thought. Maybe the more collage nature. Though, I don’t really like to say it is that. I feel all design is collage to some extent. Perhaps the more controlled chaos style (I guess that would be a good tag) comes from my association and love with the school of Eastern European design that was channeled through my design instructors in college. I’ve never really been a fan of labels. It is certainly something to ponder though. However, the minute people start saying I am this or that…well, that is when I start to worry and try too hard to wrestle myself to do something else or go in another direction. It can be dangerous. I am my only competition. It’s really all quite silly in the grand salute to life. But, maybe I can learn a thing or two along the way? 12) How would you describe you style? I don’t know. Other than fumbled-mild-mannered-intuition and a bit of whatever is on my mind/heart. It’s Dee Jay Gee all the way and every second of the day. 13) Describe your design process. Boy, these questions are getting harder to answer for me. I love a good happy accident or angelic stumble. But, they can’t be relied upon. I love not thinking, rather just doing. I love intuition. Though, sometimes you do have to think a bit. But, I don’t like to over-kill. Sometimes the idea will become instantly and i will render exactly how it’s in my head. Sometimes I sketch a bit. I love to draw and do oodles and oodles of doodles. Process is a very important thing to me. It’s more important then the final product at times because it’s such a part of me. I have to stick with something once I start it or it’s lost touch with me. It’s hard to come back to something because I’ve already moved on and over it. Well, unless it’s something like a logo or CD design. These happen in several obsessive stages. Sometimes a break is needed to achieve perfection on things with a longer life-span in the world. But, with poster design and illustration it’s typically all on the spot and taken only serious to the point of it being non-serious. I have to have fun. I have to tell a story. And I love humor. Lots of it. I love to tickle myself. I love when others are tickled too. 14) Typically when working on a project, what percentage of time is spent on conceptualization? I brushed this a bit with the last question. It depends on the project I guess. Sometimes I get ideas rather rapidly and quite frequently. For some things it might take a bit to sift through the cliche or whatever mix of feelings or ideas I have that day. Each day is different. Sometimes I sit and wonder what a project I did this morning would look like had I done it in the evening or yesterday or tomorrow. I know it would be different. But, I can’t just sit on my hands. 15) How much time do you typically spend on a project? Some things really come quite rapidly. I’ve made posters in the span of minutes before. It’s more about time management for me. I sometimes have any where from a constant flow of five to ten to fifteen projects going on all at once. And on top of that interviews and book publishers and emails and inquiries and such…and of course the day job. So, I’m constantly thinking all day about the coming and going of things. I love the human mind how it’s always in and out. I love how I can think of something from my childhood and then the next file i pull/cull from my brain juice is about a poster and then i merge the two and B I N G O. Some of my best projects come at the last minute and have been in front of me the entire time. Some of it comes right when I’m told about the project. Sometimes I’m in strange places and put things together in my head or write on scraps of paper. I wish I was a good enough designer to draw you a map. But, I’m still trying to decipher where my hand meets my see. 16) Where do your ideas come from? I hinted at this in previous questions. A person can do something enough that it just becomes a part of them. Like another limb. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I just do it. I have to do it. It’s a part of me. It haunts me and busts the phantoms all at once. Design is a funny thing. It’s a scary thing. Ideas come and go. All the time. Influences are all around and in everything. I don’t put things in a time frame. I think all the time. A lot of the time I don’t think. I just do. I just be. I don’t aim to sound new-agey. Design is about life. In the past couple of years I’ve come to the realization that everything I’ve experienced has brought me to this point in this interview. It’s all composed some way and some how. I do a bit of the writing. Some of it is by a bigger hand. Some by just the push and pull of the earth. I’ve also learned to pull and cull from the past. My best and most vivid memories are from my youth. I feel a closer connection to my former self than i do my current. True, formal rules and training come to play with all of this. But, I didn’t really start to click with design until I started to click it with myself. And hopefully there will be more clicking to come…gotta stay busy and hungry. 17) Describe your favorite project that you’ve worked on and what made it special. I always answer a question like this the same. One of the best things I’ll ever make in my life is a handmade CD package for The Elevator Division back in the summer of 2002. The idea came at the the night I started printing. Well, actually it was spray paint. I had an image made for a month or more and then changed it at the last minute. It married the themes for the album “Whatever Makes You Happy” perfectly. With reflections of war and relationships in the songs, I made an image of a hand shooting off it’s index finger like a missile. An idea of shooting off one’s options and making decisions. It was not only fitting for the band/music but also to the the national/world agenda and climate. I went to war that night with many cans of spray paint and the idiot mind to do two-hundred and fifty all in one massive sweep. Each one was hand-cut from cardboard and handmade stencil sprayed and rubber stamped. Inserts were cut and folded and glued. I made the great choice of spray painting in my basement…something I will never do again as it could have killed me. At the last mist of red spray a crack thunder shook the massive turn-of-the-century home and I bolted from the basement and out the front door to a down poor fit for Noah himself. I lept off the front porch and slid head first down the embankment and into the street-turned-river current. I was born again. The drug dealing squatters across the street were on their front steps, looking at the fire in my eyes and the red paint streaming from them and nose and mouth. I was on something higher than chemical substance. 18) How much influence does music have on your design? What kind of music do you listen to? What are your favorite bands? Music has always aided in carrying the background. It’s silly sometimes when we say things like, “This is my soundtrack”. But, it’s true. I’ve always gotten so much out of music. I gave up trying to play music years ago. That’s not my calling. However, it’s constantly played a role in my life significantly. I loved to spin my Mom’s records when I was four or five. It still boggles me how all of that sound is compressed in a circle of vinyl. I grew up on family Beatles sing-a-longs in the car and rockin’ out on my smurf guitar to “Live and Let Die” by Paul McCartney and Wings. That was my favorite song at age five. It has so much energy and I loved the James Bond movie of the same name. At one point when I was going through my awkward phase (when am I not?), I decided not to like The Beatles as much because my parents liked them. It was sad when I think about it now. I was also into all of the more novelty and fun stuff from the ’70s and ’80s when I was young. Things like hit television themes and film/broadway soundtracks and scores. And all of the fun cheese-pop stuff. I loved the storybooks with the narrator on record who told me when to turn the page. My brother and I loved to tape the Dr. Demento show every week. It was a late night DJ show that played a load of the weirdest songs about “Pencil Neck Geeks” and “Fish Heads”. It was the brand of humor we could find relation to. We also taped-off Saturday morning cartoon theme songs. Yes, we were the biggest dorks. Oh, Weird Al is amazing too! No wonder we were called fairies every day at that hick school until graduation. In the late eighties to early-to-mid nineties I went through all of the pop stuff. Whatever the radio got to the rural setting, that’s what we loved…though, by the time the radio waves got that far into the country, there was something new and better developing. I guess this is embarrassing stuff, but my first CD’s were Ace of Base and a best of by Bryan Adams. I redeemed myself with the third purchase of the soundtrack to “Ren & Stimpy”, which I still spin. In my last years of high school I got into Nirvana, Helmet and Tool. A lot more aggressive work, but stuff that had some interesting lyrics and great imagery/art. And Nirvana was basically more angsty Beatles anyway. College brought on more underground stuff and lots of the typical college radio stuff mixed with a bit of the mainstream. Then, the day after Christmas 1997 I bought Radiohead’s “OK Computer” on a whim. It had such a great impact on me and some close friends and led us to discover other music by artists like The Velvet Underground, Elliott Smith, Pavement and Jeff Buckley and then back to The Beatles again. Once my ears had opened completely, I began cultivating a lot of stuff that I missed out on from the shoe gaze movement to noise rock to indie and music spanning the past forty years or so. Of course I’m still at a constant catch-up. In the past five or six years I’ve really absorbed a lot of the singer-songwriters like Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, Paul Simon, Lou Reed, Brian Wilson, Neko Case, Leonard Cohen, David Bowie, Nick Drake, Tom Waits, Johnny Cash, M. Ward, Andrew Bird and Sufjan Stevens. Of late I’m into looking for more and more of the underground folkies like Bert Jansch and some others. I’m also in love with the sound of recordings from the ’50s and especially the ’60s. I love the psychedelic rock stuff from the time too. Records I’m fond of so far this year include: “Death Proof” Soundtrack, Bright Eyes, The National, The Shins, Of Montreal, Deerhunter and Arcade Fire. I’ve never been more anxious to watch the new crop of artists make music. It’s a really exciting time right now as it seems that there is a new-old spirit and heart again with music. The four that I’m really interested to follow are M. Ward, Neko Case, Arcade Fire and Conor Oberst. Of course with all the great stuff comes a TON of sonic dysentery on the opposite spectrum. 19) How much direction do you get from a client as to what they want or are you pretty much given free range? For the most part it’s free range. However, I love it when a client has an idea to pitch or something to build from. It’s always fun…but, it depends on the person too. However, I dislike being an assembler. One time a band had another illustrator and they just wanted me to lay it out and pay me crap for it. They were pretty particular about it. I didn’t take the job. I’d rather get paid crap for my complete involvement. I am easy to get along with, but I don’t want to put somebody else’s work together. If somebody comes to me they normally know ahead of time what I can do. Even still they can tend to get too specific or wish to mimic another design already made. At this point they should go else-where or simply hire the designer they are trying to rip-off. Musicians can be hard to work with sometimes because they think they know a lot about design…because they want their album to look like an old Peter Saville cover for Joy Division. It might fit, and look cool, but why not try to push things a bit more and make it your own…help re-invent or start something new? True, everything has been done and aped before and again. But, it’s so discouraging to see album art that lacks proper thought, soul and heart. Or, even more stuff that looks cool but is a total copy cat. Some people don’t know how to think of me though. Maybe because they don’t really know what they are going to get? Maybe I make them nervous? Some people can crank out the same template of stuff over and over. I’m not wired that way. But, I try to give them what i feel is an honest depiction of the solution and something that best represents them. Something that can grab attention across the room or internet browser. I don’t mind borrowing elements from the past, but I think it’s important to put your own blood into it. Otherwise you’re just picking noses. And after those boogers dry they’re awful hard to scrape from the bottom of the wagon. 20) Who would be your ideal client? This is a good question as I’m looking into doing some other things among the mix of the usual band poster or CD. I’m looking at contacting some book publishers. I’d love to finally get out some of the children book ideas I have in my head and on paper. I’d love to just write in general. I have a love of film, so I plan to look into that avenue. For sure DVD packaging with The Criterion Collection. I’d also like to make more illustrations for magazines and papers. These pay pretty good and I can crank the stuff out rather quickly. For the moment there is not enough hours in the day… Some types of music I’d like to put to package design before I pass away include: Gangster Rap, New Country and Polka. I don’t really like any of that music, but I think it would be fun to come up with something different for them. 21) How do you think you have influenced graphic design? I never really think about this much until people start talking and asking. I don’t think I’m anything too special and I feel that if I am, I’m still too young to be causing a rift in the waters. First thing is that I am a human being. I just happen to be a human that makes things. I won’t be oblivious to the fact that I know that I’ve got something I’m sitting on here. I’m not denying that.. I’m confident in that. But, I don’t feel it’s all quite said yet. I plan to always be doing my best work. If I get to the point where I don’t like my work, then why do it? My only concern is someday ending up in a nursing home, worthless and without use of my hands. Please shoot me before that comes. But, I guess I could just play art director at arts and crafts time. Back to the subject…I have people all the time tell me things and simply do things with my work and it is all really startling. Things like art history professors showing my work in lecture halls and publishers from Turkey, Germany, Spain and other parts of the world placing me next to some of my influences in books and publications. Design show curators are finding me and becoming involved with my work. I get messages on the phone and emails from art directors of every major design magazine. Students and industry peers contact me all the time. It’s all really strange to me. Since my first days here in Kansas City people have told me they look forward to seeing my work out in public and add it to their collection at home. This blows my mind more than anything. Just the fact that it moved them in a way to keep it. I know how it goes as I used to do this with concert posters. One of the most touching things I’ve seen was on the bottom of somebody’s band flier here. It said “DJG Design Just Kidding.com”. I have no idea who did it. But, it is really funny and I feel truly honored by it. And this Friday, as in a couple of days from right now, I am giving a big lecture in front of my former design instructors at Missouri State University. I am excited and scared to death all at once. It is all pretty wild. And I still work a crummy day job. 22) How do you feel about seeing other designers copying your style? Have you seen or experienced this for yourself (just curious)? People tell me all the time that they’ve noticed a change in Kansas City poster design since I came here over five years ago. I don’t see it much because I don’t get out much. I have seen a few people becoming more inventive by printing on paper stocks other than bright pink, yellow and green. I see a lot of graph paper printing and just over-all more inventiveness and creativeness for something so short-lived as a show poster…not only from here but all over. I don’t know if they got this from me or what. I highly doubt I’ve inspired that many people. Right now with technology and with screen printing and letterpress becoming more practical and trendy you can throw a wadded-up poster and hit a poster designer. What’s great is that anybody with initiative, a work ethic and love can do it and get their stuff up and out quickly. Especially in a small town like this. But, at the same time I feel it’s easy for people to just depend upon the content of what others are doing as opposed to really finding their own voice and the right reasons. Some just do it because it earns cool points. I’d love to say I’ve inspired someone…but, only in the sense of a similar inspiration like the one I had when I was twelve and younger to just simply make things with a naive mind and with a heart to shut myself in and find myself through whatever it was I was doing. Not to be an artist but to just enjoy the act of making things and putting your fingerprints on the world…if there is reaction then that’s great. It’s a blessing and most touching to impact somebody’s day with the silly things that I make in solitary in a dark and damp basement. Especially in today’s information age and with people so busy and non-stop. It means a lot when I can affect somebody’s daily life with something that was on my mind. Postscript That is all. I am a bit drained and need to shower. I feel most of this is written quite hastily, but it’s a very honest and immediate sort of haste. I trust it is what you are looking for. Please enjoy. Ask questions if you need to. I am always here. Thank You. -djg

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Home Edition May 22, 2020 – THE TRIP TO GREECE, MILITARY WIVES, INHERITANCE, THE LOVEBIRDS

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but the “Summer That Never Was” continues this weekend, which is…. Are you seated for this next part? Memorial Day weekend!  Yeah, there will be none of the usual BBQs and block parties, but most of all, there will be none of the voracious moviegoing that signifies the pyrrhic start of the summer… that is, if you don’t count the normal first weekend of May or the actual start of summer later in June.

This was an even tougher week to write a column, because just as I was starting on it this weekend, one of my favorite filmmakers (and just a wonderful person), Lynn Shelton, died quite unexpectedly and tragically. It really shook me up, and I’m not quite sure how long it will take me for me to get unshaken. But I’m going to try to push on through the tragedy. Just bear with me, please, if this column doesn’t see the light of day until Thursday.

After a rather drab weekend with not too many new releases and fewer that I was very excited about, we’re getting a few semi-decent films that hopefully will find an audience at the drive-ins, including some newly reopened ones.

But first… SPAGHETTIMAN!!!!

I’m pretty excited to hear that the virtual Oxford Film Festival is doing a special one-day screening of the HeckssBender’s hilarious superhero comedy, which I saw at the festival way back in 2016, where it became a bit of a sensation. You can get tickets to watch the movie and attend a special commemorative QnA, moderated by yours truly, right here! As you can imagine, I’m a huge fan of this indie superhero movie set in L.A. where a slacker named Clark, played by Benjamin Crutcher (who I think will be a huge comedy star someday), ends up getting superpowers… um… to produce spaghetti. When his roommate and best friend Dale (Winston Carter) finds out, he prompts Clark to use his powers to fight crime, but Clark has a better idea… he can fight crime for MONEY! It’s a very funny and sometimes silly premise but man, I love what these guys did with that premise. If you’re a fan of Broken Lizard and other comedy collectives, you should use Spaghettiman as your entry into the wonderful and wacky world of HeckBender! (They made a second feature since then called Cop Chronicles: Loose Cannons: the Legend of the Haj-Mirage and they have a YouTube channel, if you want more laughs.)

Oxford also adds more things to its Virtual Cinema this weekend, including a block of “Black Lens Narrative Shorts,” the documentary Queen of Lapa and the third “Fest Forward” block, all of which you can order at Eventive (including a few that will end on Thursday).

Also, the second Film Festival Day will take place this Saturday through the Film Festival Alliance with a virtual screening of Angela Pinaglia’s documentary, Life in Synchro, which is all about synchronized ice skating. About 34 regional film festivals, including the Oxford Film Festival, are taking part in the program which takes place this Saturday, May 23, and you can learn more about it at the Film Festival Day site.

Now that we’ve gotten some of the festival news over with, let’s begin this week’s column with a trip to England… well, not quite. The movie I’ve been most excited about is Michael Winterbottom’s THE TRIP TO GREECE (IFC Films), the fourth (and sadly, final) movie in the series of mockumentaries, starring best frenemies Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon, who have really turned these movies into quite an art and science.

As the title will attest, this time they’re in Greece, basically doing the same things they did in Italy and Spain, visiting restaurants, eating food, squabbling with each other while also trying to one-up each other with a choice of selection of impressions. There’s a lot of Bee Gees and John Travolta references, as well as the duo recreating scenes from movies like Marathon Man and Midnight Cowboy. When that’s not happening, Rob is teasing Steve for his roving eye for women, while Steve gets him back since he’s found more fame and success in his career. 

These aren’t documentaries, though, and Winterbottom includes a few scripted scenes to tie things together. We even get an arty black and white dream sequence dealing with Steve’s dying father, and these all offer good opportunities for Coogan and Brydon to show off their dramatic acting chops, which is another topic of dissension.

What’s nice is that The Trip to Greece works well as a standalone film even if you haven’t seen the previous three films. If you have seen the previous “Trip” movies, you may already know what to expect. If you’re a fan, you’ll already know that spending time with these two hilarious guys is a perfectly fine alternative for being able to go on trips yourself.

The Full Monty director Peter Cattaneo’s new movie, MILITARY WIVES (Bleecker Street), is another movie I saw right before the NYC movie theater lockdown, when it was supposed to be released in mid-March. Bleecker Street has finally decided to give the movie a digital release, although maybe it’ll get into some of those newly-opened drive ins where it would play beautifully. As the title suggests, it takes place on a British military base where a group of wives, including Kristin Scott Thomas’ Kate, come together to form a recreational chorus to have fun and get their minds off their spouses at war. Kate is a type-A control freak, so she is immediately at odds with Sharon Horgan’s Lisa, who is more popular among the wives.

Going into this movie knowing that it’s based on a real story about wives who formed a singing group and knowing that this is directed by the guy behind The Full Monty may be all you need to know about what is generally a cutesie dramedy where a wide variety of group of women get together to support each other with all sorts of ups and downs. Listen, this isn’t exactly redefining the wheel other than this being a younger group of women than, say, Calendar Girls, but it’s in the same vein. This is basically a feel-good movie with a last act that gets a little corny, but it’s otherwise a wonderful story and Thomas leads a strong cast of women, joined by Greg Wise as her husband and Jason Flemyng as the officer in charge of the base.

This isn’t a terrible movie, and even though the last act starts to get corny as the women prepare for an Albert Hall performance, the film is otherwise a wonderful film full of emotions that only true curmudgeons would feel like their time was wasted by watching it. Bleecker Street will now release Military Wives on Hulu and digital just in time for Memorial Day weekend, which actually may have been more appropriate than its original March date.

The suspense thriller INHERITANCE (Vertical), directed by Vaughn Stein (Terminal) revolves around a wealthy and powerful Monroe family whose patriarch suddenly dies, leaving his daughter Lauren (Lily Collins) and wife (Connie Nielsen) with a shocking secret inheritance that could unravel their lives. I won’t say much about the secret, but it involves an almost unrecognizable Simon Pegg, spending much of his time in the dark with an American accent and giving a very different performance than we’ve seen from him.

I’m a big fan of Lily Collins as an actor, and I’m all for actors trying to stretch out a bit with their roles, but I’m not sure she was well-suited to play District Attorney Lauren Monroe, which may have worked better with an older actor. Although Collins is in her early ‘30s, she still looks very young, and because of that, it’s hard to believe her already being the D.A. (something which would generally take a dozen or more years as an attorney, one would expect). Pegg isn’t much better, and maybe because he too is trying something different from the norm. Since the majority of the movie is just the two actors, it involves as lot of over-emoting to creating dramatic fireworks that never fully arrive. Collins in particular tends to go over with every emotion in a performance that desperately needed to be scaled back. The rest of the cast is just okay with Nielsen having an even smaller part than Patrick Warburton -- an odd casting choice as Lauren’s father -- who dies as the film begins. Chace Crawford plays Lauren’s brother who is running for office, a subplot that add so little to the mix, except to try and create more tension.

I haven’t gotten around to seeing HBO’s Succession to know if there are any similarities in terms of its exploration of dark family secrets, but Inheritance is just not very good or interesting.  The writing (by Matthew Kennedy) is weak, a bit like a bad television drama, in fact, and the severe miscasting just makes it harder for anyone to deliver on the material. Realizing this, Stein overpowers every scene with overdramatic score that makes it even harder to appreciate the actors’ efforts. In some ways, Inheritance reminded me of the recent Human Capital, which was generally a better film with a stronger story, but Stein’s inspiration clearly comes from all those ‘80s and ‘90s thrillers that try to keep the viewer on the edge of their seats. Like David Tennant’s Bad Samaritan a few years back, this one fails to get the viewer even remotely excited. (The movie was also valid proof of why I hate watching movies on my computer since most of the scenes are so dark, it’s hard to really get much out of it.) Inheritance has been playing on DirecTV since April 23, but it will be available On Demand and Digitally this Friday.

Paramount Players is the latest studio to go the VOD route with the found footage supernatural thriller, BODY CAM (Paramount Players), directed by Malik Vitthal (Netflix’s Imperial Dreams) and starring Mary J. Blige, Nat Wolff, Theo Rossi and more. It involves a routine traffic stop by police officers that leads to the grisly death of one of them, and the surviving officer (Mary J. Blige) realizing that the victim’s body cam footage may be able to show what really happened as she tries to understand the supernatural force behind a series of murders. Sadly, Paramount Players wouldn’t supply critics with early screeners to watch and review, so I may have to wait for one of my colleagues to shell out the bucks.

A movie I saw at least year’s Tribeca that will be available digitally this week is Sasie Sealy’s LUCKY GRANDMA (Good Deeds Entertainment), starring Tsai Chin as a recently-widowed and quite ornery 80-year-old Chinatown resident who goes to see a fortune teller who tells her she is going to have a very lucky day. Of course, she takes that as advice to go to Atlantic City where she wins big, but it’s her trip on the bus back where she gets lucky when a man with a bag full of cash dies. Grandma’s newfound bag of cash ends up attracting the attention of local gangsters, so to protect herself, she hires a rival gangster as her bodyguard. This is a really fun movie that I probably before I saw my #1 movie of 2019, The Farewell, and it’s only similar in that it involves a lovable Chinese grandma, and it mostly takes place in and around Chinatown in New York, but Sealy has a filmmaking style more in the vein of a Tarantino or even the Safdie Brothers where it really pushes the genre aspects of the story with the music choices, which are particularly fantastic. But really, it’s the amazing character created by Sealy with Tsai Chin that makes the movie so entertaining. I’m so glad that this is finally being released so more people can see it since it was such a popular but underseen movie at Tribeca last year.

Another film to look out for this weekend is Benjamin Ree’s documentary THE PAINTER AND THE THIEF (NEON), which won an award at the Sundance Film Festival. It’s the story of Czech artist Barbara Kysilkova, who has two paintings stolen by Karl-Bertil Nordland, but when she seeks out the thief, she ends up befriending him and asking him to sit for a portrait as a bond is formed between these unlikely people. It will also be available on Hulu, VOD, on various Virtual Cinema platforms AND at select drive-ins starting this Friday.

Also on digital this week is Philip (Boiling Point) Barantini’s action-thriller VILLAIN (Saban Films), starring Craig Fairbrass as ex-con Eddie Franks, who is trying to start a new life after leaving prison. He soon finds that impossible when he learns his brother owes a large amount of money to a dangerous drug lord, so Eddie has to return to that life of crime in order to help him.

FilmLinc’s Virtual series continues this week with a combination of new and repertory films, including Bruno Dumont’s Joan of Arc/Jeanne (KimStim), a sequel to Dumont’s 2017 musical, Jeanette: The Childhood of Joan of Arc. This one, which premiered as a selection in this year’s cut-short “Rendezvous with French Cinema,” stars ten-year-old Leplat Prudhomme, and it will get a one-week exclusive rental with 50% of its $10 rental to go to FilmLinc. Also this week, the venue’s Virtual series will include Raúl Ruiz’s 2010 film Mysteries of Lisbon, an HD premiere that includes new footage.

As mentioned last month, the docuseries, Time Warp: The Greatest Cult Films of All Time (Quiver Distribution), will continue this week with Volume 2: Horror and Sci-Fi, which is available right now on digital, On Demand, and while I haven’t watched this episode yet, if it’s even remotely as good as Vol. 1, this will be a must-see.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Paramount has another planned release going to streaming, and in this case, it’s Michael Showalter’s THE LOVEBIRDS, reuniting him with The Big Sick co-writer/star Kumail Nanjiani and pairing him with Issa Rae from HBO’s Insecure.  Despite the title, the googly-eyed love between Nanjiani’s Jibran and Rae’s Leilani only lasts a few minutes before the film cuts forward after they’d been together for a few years, and things aren’t as copacetic. They are close to breaking up, but on a trip to their last party together, the couple’s car is hijacked by someone who claims to be a cop and is chasing a guy on a bicycle. When the carjacker kills said cyclist, Jibran and Leilani realize that they may not have been helping the good guy. They’re soon sent on a trip through an underground world of crime and conspiracy to clear their names since they feel as if they’re the primary suspects in the murder.

I actually was looking forward to The Lovebirds after seeing its first trailer at CinemaCon last year. I generally like Nanjiani and really wanted him to bounce back from last year’s Stuber, which was pretty disappointing. Teaming him Rae seems to have done the trick since they’re both funny in their own right, but then they have former “The State” and “Stella” member Showalter at the helm, and he’s proven with his growing filmography as a director that he’s good at mixing laughs and even going fully R-rated when necessary.  While the trip the duo takes isn’t particularly enlightening or different from other “buddy action comedies” (other than bringing together their own comic sensibilities), it all leads up to quite an amusing Eyes Wide Shut parody before its semi-obvious climax and endings.

Sure, some of the funniest bits of The Lovebirds were in the trailer, and some moments are downright corny, because you generally can figure out where it’s going. I did prefer this more comedic take on the premise that was slightly similar to last year’s Queen and Slim, and the combination of Showalter, Nanjiani and Rae allows the movie to go to newer comedic territory than we’ve seen from any of them.

In other words, this is still far better than Stuber and a lot of the Adam Sandler comedies produced by Netflix, so the streaming network kind of lucked out by having the opportunity to stream this semi-decent comedy, which more people are likely to see on the streaming service than they would have in theaters.

Next week, more movies not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[klainelynch]

2017 in review

I always say that I’m going to post a “how my year was” at the end of the year, but I have an awful memory so I never remember what happened in each month. This year, I tried to post about each month as it finished- the good and the bad. Under a cut because of course it got long, and I never seem to post about my real life, so this may be boring if you don’t actually know me.

January

Got a snow day after having students for just one day

Accidentially read a book in one night (Perfect) because of aforementioned snow day/borrowing it electronically from the library/not knowing how many pages there were (not that many since it’s YA)

Got two more snow/ice days because my county has mountains in it and we’re in the South, so we’re not prepared for winter

Saw Hidden Figures and cried about how good humanity can be when we actually allow and encourage all people to be their best (black women!!!! they did that!!!!!!!)

Helped my students navigate our county’s program of going one-to-one with Chromebooks (there were many good things, such as getting my kids to play freerice for extra credit; there were many bad things, such as a quiz getting screwed up because I shuffled the questions but had asked my co-teacher to help me by reading the quiz [as she normally does] to a half dozen students...who all had a different order of questions...).

Went to a conference for new teachers and while a lot of the information was repetitive, there were a few things I got from it (such as 6.5 professional development hours aw yis).

Got to see lots of family I don’t usually see on this weekend!

Started reading The Diary of Anne Frank with my students because this country allowed fascism to be A Thing™ and I’m going to resist however I can.

Got two (!!!!!!) days off at the end of January for sick days (apparently other students in the county? not us but we benefitted!!!!)

February

Finally had an entire 5-day week of school

Then got another two days off for sickness (8th grade was doing our part by asking ENTIRE classes “Hey! Anyone feel sick? Anyone want to go get their temp checked???”)

Went to an open house at a local mosque, and y’all, I live in The South™ but their parking lot filled up a good 15 minutes before the event even started and there was an overflow room and so much support for this community during the Muslim Ban and it just filled my heart with joy

Got a haircut (it was literally down to my butt y’all!!!!) and now it’s right below my shoulders

Had pedal extensions installed in my car because I’m 4′9 and would have literally died if the airbags went off.

March

Got my professional teaching license! I’m no longer an apprentice! I don’t have to have 4 observations a year!!! Only 2! And while I’m REALLY good at playing the observation game (and am MUCH better at this than the testing game), it will be nice to not think about it so much.

My mom came to stay for a few days because it was her and my sister’s spring break.

During that week, I had a LONG 4 day week, which included staying at my school until 7:30 for a town hall meeting/carnival/extravaganza. F U N.

My spring break was purposefully low-key. I rested a lot, read books, caught up on Netflix, shopped at Old Navy, and went to the local art museum for the first time (I’ve only been in this city for 8 years...)

April

I found that I actually enjoy teaching how to write an essay. The 5 paragraph essay, while it has many faults, is a really good place for beginning writers (which 8th graders are) to begin. I had a student tell me that she liked how I made each sentence have a specific purpose because she was able to plug in her evidence and thoughts more easily- this honestly made my whole day.

That being said, I HATE teaching essays when students are absent. Trying to get them caught up and keep everyone else on track is SO MUCH WORK. Especially when the absent students don’t come to me during my plan to make up their work...

For two whole days, my last period class was not allowed to use erasers because some people (two boys, as it turned out) were shredding and throwing them at each other.

I turned 26

The Welcome to Night Vale Live Show FINALLY TRAVELED TO TENNESSEE AND Y’ALL CECIL (REAL CECIL NOT THE CHARACTER) IS FROM KNOXVILLE!!!! The weather singer was super fun (she played Rocky Top and we ate that shit up like biscuits and gravy with no shame whatsoever) and the show itself was just so much fun even though I went alone. It was almost an hour of normal segments with the plot of the glow cloud, but they also brought in Steve Carlsburg and Tamika Flynn (I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied when she walked on stage because I majorly crush on that actress whoops) and watching those actors interact on stage was so much fun.

May

End of the school year is always chaotic and better left forgotten tbh

We took the 8th graders to the local theme park, and it was really good (though my expectations were super low because last year’s trip SUCKED). The weather looked like it might rain, but it was nice all day, the kids were pretty good, and the rides were fun.

There were some really sad community deaths around this time :(

The teacher who normally MCs the 8th grade commencement is now an administrator, so while we still had him open the ceremony, I gave out several of the awards, and I don’t think I did a bad job (two of the other teachers hate public speaking and the last one was new to the team this year, so I was really the only choice).

June

Worked my church’s festival, which is always fun. The crowds are never what they ought to be (due to a combination of rain threats and poor marketing), so a lot of people missed out on some really great food and music.

Great music included a new band- Southern Avenue- that I got to see again later in the year.

I had to miss the third day of the festival because of a friend’s baby shower. I knew a few people (besides the couple), but they left early; luckily, the people throwing it were a lot of fun. We played games (don’t get caught saying “baby”; pin the sperm on the egg; etc) and decorated diapers/onesies/bibs for the baby). The next day, we went to church (IN A MOTHERFUCKING MONSOON) and for Mexican food.

Started my reread of Harry Potter (it had been about 5 years since I’d last read the series). I cried in almost every book, and not always at sad parts. I’ve become very protective of Harry as I’ve gotten older.

My younger brother found an NES, which was the console I grew up with and my parents gave away years ago. They really loved to play on it, so this was a wedding anniversary present for them. The Legend of Zelda is the shit.

July

I finally got a new phone (I’d had mine about 3 years, and it died in May) and I know it’s fun for iphone users to shit on Android users, but I really do love the camera quality on my Samsung.

Rachel came to visit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We drank wine and went to the zoo and got real bbq and the best donuts in the world

Had a Treat Yo Self Day which included:

WAFFLE HOUSE

BITCH!!!! B I T C H

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN GET AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE

DO

YOU

KNOW

COUNTRY HASHBROWNS!!!!!

aka

biscuits and gravy minus the biscuits plus the hashbrowns

I just had regular biscuits and gravy BUT ALLI HAD THE GLORY

I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

McKay’s

I bought Pokemon yellow because I never played/watched it as a kid, and while at my house for the summer, I found the old black & white gameboy an older cousin gave me, so naturally I had to do it.

Pokemon Go

yes still

You know what once I was back in town I went to my favorite library almost every day for an hour or two and read while opening Pokemon Go every few minutes so there

Went with some of my best friends to visit another one of our best friends who lives in the middle of fucking nowhere and had adventures including, but not limited to: getting pizza because we were too weak to change out the gas’s grill, waiting 5ever for food at dinner, and watching the entire Flowers in the Attic series.

August

School started back up, and at the kick-off for all the teachers, I won $500 in a drawing of all the people who hadn’t used a sick day last year!!!!!

And I didn’t even realize that I’d won $200 at the previous school board meeting in the same type drawing!!!!

New class started off with 85 students. It was a DREAM to be able to focus on individuals and not just herd cats.

I actually felt more confident in the classroom with my early units (poetry & our whole class novel).

September

Still felt confident in the classroom!

I got my testing scores back from the previous year (this shit takes 5ever and it’s dumb) and did better in about the only way I could have, so that was good to see.

I had about 10 county people in my classroom (principals, academic coaches, etc) to see a certain style of teaching ELA that the county is working on. It’s basically making sure that teachers keep students engaged in complex text (which is what I do almost every day anyway) and I had been to two of these trainings already, so I knew what sort of lesson worked. Well...they LOVED it!!! The kids were in small groups and did SO GOOD discussing evidence/answering questions (they all got candy afterwards) and I got some good feedback about how I talk to my students. Then that same day the superintendent came in my room (one of several rooms he visited while doing his yearly observation on the principal). That visit was super unannounced, but still fine.

The academic coach got rid of my classroom’s desks and found tables and chairs instead!!!! My classroom is tiny and weird shaped, so this works SO MUCH BETTER.

I help coach volleyball (aka I keep the books) and the girls won district (beating out a team with a redneck grandma in the stands who literally came up to our girls and yelled at them for cheering on their own damn team in the previous game). They didn’t do so well at sectionals, but that’s ok.

October

Holy shit I won another $200 in that drawing!!! And this time my parents let me buy them plane tickets so we could see family over Christmas.

LESLIE ODOM JR CAME TO MY CITY AND HE PERFORMED BEAUTIFUL MUSIC AND I WAS THERE AND I DIED

Got to see a lot of family at my cousin’s ‘wedding party’ (he got married last year in Europe since he met his now wife over there, and wanted to have a family party here). I learned that my uncle and his son dance exactly the same at the same level of alcohol.

November

I should have known something was up when my first 9 weeks went so well. Apparently my county is in the bottom tier for the state, and now everyone is freaking out (never mind that the data to support this was mONTHS LATE AND BASED ON STANDARDIZED TESTS WHICH WERE A CLUSTERFUCK TO BEGIN WITH) so there was a lot of school stress during this time.

Nice things though- got to see friends when their baby was baptized and went home for Thanksgiving, where my dad came into the Catholic Church.

I organized most of the 8th grade field trip for the semester- going to see “A Christmas Carol” put on by my old college’s theatre. I was stressed the entire time because if something went wrong it would be on ME, but it was absolutely wonderful and I cried which honestly surprised me. We went to the local mall for our lunch and it was good to see the kids just relax. It was a great field trip and several people including the principal thanked me for my hard work which felt great after a hard month.

December

School was nothing but survival mode per usual.

Hosted the Christmas party for my friend group at church and it was a lot of fun.

The actual break was fast- we flew to Texas with one of my mom’s sisters and her family to visit their brother and his family. I hadn’t been to Texas since high school, so it was fun to explore and eat good food.

My final count for books was 93 (67 new and 26 reread) (I’m trying to finish an audiobook I’m borrowing from the library but I still have 80 minutes left and literally 4 hours to finish it so we’ll see!!!).

[ethanalter]

'Orphan Black' series finale recap: The future is female

Helena (Tatiana Maslany) and Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) (Photo: Ken Woroner/BBC AMERICA)

Warning: This recap contains spoilers for the series finale of Orphan Black, “To Right the Wrongs of Many.”

Well… you can’t say they didn’t warn us. Way back at the beginning of Orphan Black‘s final season, creators John Facwett and Graeme Manson promised Yahoo TV that they would be going for “all the feels” during the show’s last hour, which, I think we can all agree, is absolutely packed to the brim with feels. What they didn’t reveal at the time is just how much they were inspired by Battlestar Galactica‘s 2009 farewell episode, the three-part “Daybreak” extravaganza. (Part 1 aired the week before the actual finale, with Parts 2 and 3 airing back-to-back for a two-hour send-off.)

And that’s not entirely surprising. After all, few contemporary series finales have proven as divisive as BSG‘s, so admitting that you’re using that as your template would likely cause alarm bells to go off in the minds of half of your fanbase. But the structural similarities between the two are too apparent to be entirely accidental: both are based around last-ditch rescue missions (baby Hera in BSG and pregnant Helena in Orphan Black), both incorporate flashbacks to a period before the series began (how great was it to see Mrs. S alive again?), and both wrap up the show’s central conflict (Humans vs. Cylons in BSG and Leda vs. Neolution in Orphan Black) by the finale’s midpoint in order to make room for an extended and emotional farewell to fictional people that we’ve grown to love like our own family.

A healthy chunk of Galactica fans didn’t care for how “Daybreak” rushed through the mythology to get to the mushy stuff, and there will almost certainly be Orphan Black fans who are equally miffed with how cleanly “To Right the Wrongs of Many” wraps up the larger Neolution conspiracy. But if you, like me, fight back an urge to ugly cry every time you watch Admiral Adama’s farewell to his son, Lee, chances are that you were grinning and tearing up throughout the Clone Club’s last get-together. When Orphan Black first started five years ago, the conspiracy took center stage by necessity as the writers were still defining the terms of the show’s universe, as well as observing what the cast, specifically star Tatiana Maslany, was capable of. Once it became clear that viewers were connecting in a very real way with each of the clones — seeing each of them as unique individuals who just happen to share Maslany’s face — the show started to boil off the extraneous mythology, reframing itself around one central mission: the Ledas’ fight for personhood.

In fact, this season mostly dispensed with the pretense of conspiracy altogether: from the premiere on, it’s been entirely clear who the threat is — Neolution co-founder P.T. Westmoreland a.k.a. John Patrick Mathieson and the remaining henchmen and henchwomen in his employ. Those goons have fallen away one by one until, at last, we were only left with three: Engers, Coady, and Mathieson himself.

Picking up in the immediate aftermath of the penultimate episode, “One Fettered Slave,” the first fifteen minutes of “To Right the Wrongs of Many” was given over to a cat-and-mouse game featuring Sarah and Helena as the mice and the aforementioned trio as the felines. Engers was the first to lose this contest, followed by Coady, paving the way for a winner-take-all title bout between Sarah and John.

While the old man gets the drop on his “daughter,” the fight very quickly turns in her favor and she claims victory with an expertly delivered declaration of independence: “This is evolution.” Sarah doesn’t have a lot of time to celebrate, though, because Helena’s twin “behbies” are being born right the hell now. With Art’s help, she delivers two squalling boys into her sestra’s waiting arms. And if you’ve seen enough horror movies, you’re sitting there thinking that the monster can’t possibly be dead yet, especially when a happy ending seems oh so close. So you steel yourself for Mathieson to rise up behind the happy family and fire a bullet right into Helena’s head. But no — that dragon really has been slain and the Ledas are free. So… what now?

Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) (Photo: Ken Woroner/BBC AMERICA)

As it turns out, that’s exactly the question on Sarah’s mind as we take a BSG-style time jump into the near future where everyone is preparing for the group hang to end all Orphan Black group hangs: a Clone Club birth shower/BBQ. For roughly 20 minutes, all four clones are in the same space and frequently in the same frame, a combined feat of special effects and performance that the production, not to mention Maslany herself, must have been conserving their resources for all season long. (It would certainly explain that stretch in the middle of the season where we only had three clones per episode in our power rankings.) Not invited to the party are Krystal, Tony, and Rachel, although the first two are referenced and the latter is rewarded with an onscreen farewell from Felix for her part in bringing about Neolution’s downfall.

But this is primarily a fete for the Core Four who certainly have plenty to celebrate. Alison has found her post-California equilibrium — keeping the funky purple hair, while also reasserting some of her domestic warrior ways — and Donnie is gainfully employed in the white-collar world. Helena and her two kids are happily living in the garage previously used as the Hendrix’s makeshift burial ground. As for Cosima and Delphine, they’re madly in love and eager to start distributing cures to the remaining Leda population, which currently stands at 274 souls all around the world. Sarah, on the other hand, has been unable to adjust to life during peacetime. A plan to finally earn that high school degree has crashed and burned the same day as the BBQ, and her only desire now is to live somewhere, anywhere that isn’t her dead mother’s home. She’s a soldier in need of that now-elusive next battle, not ready or willing to face the war that’s taking place inside herself.

And now, at the end of things, we come to the place where Orphan Black parts ways with Battlestar Galactica. “Daybreak” ended with the Galactica crew going their separate ways to start their lives, and, essentially, the entire human race, over from scratch. “To Right the Wrongs of Many” depicts the characters heading down their own paths by drawing strength from their sestrahood, the story of which is preserved by Helena in her now-completed Clone Club autobiography called — what else? — Orphan Black. Once a source of fear and uncertainty, their shared history as clones is what forms the root of their individual power.

It even brings the eternally restless Sarah a measure of peace, helping her realize that she’s not alone in this world. The series began with Sarah witnessing a woman with her face leaping in front of a moving train, a suicidal fever dream that spoke to her own pervading sense of isolation. Now, five years later, it ends with her looking at the home she’s inherited from her mother, where she’ll in turn raise her own daughter with the help of Uncle Felix and her many Aunts. “I’ll live on in your daughter — you’ll remember me,” Mathieson warned Sarah before she delivered the killing blow. Sorry, John, but Kira’s future is most definitely female. So say we all.

Read more from Yahoo TV:

  ‘Orphan Black’: Vote for the best clone

‘Orphan Black’: Vote for the most tragic death

‘Orphan Black’: Vote for the best bit of body horror

[cesium-sheep]

long birthday accounting post below

mom was running late cuz jace needed a blood draw, she came and picked us up with jeff still in the car then we dropped him off at the hotel and went to southcenter. we realized on the drive there that they’d left the little clicky ding-y fire truck for jace in the trunk, and it was rolling and dinging back and forth as we drove, very comedic XD arin wanted a sushi burrito, so they got that and mom got some chicken just to make sure she ate something which she split with me, then we went back to the store we went to on arin’s birthday so I could get them the bag they’d hmed and hawed about at the time. we went to hot topic next door but they didn’t have any good loungefly designs, so we went to fuego who had good ones. they also had cute tiny earrings. we went to box lunch a couple doors down to check if they had anything better, they had a really good yzma one but I ended up picking the first one I saw at fuego that I loved. (they had an eeveeloution one that was smaller and was initially exciting, but it got boring to look at quickly, so even though it was technically discontinued I decided I didn’t actually want it, even though mom offered to just get them both.) coach also has a cute dandelion pattern I kept pointing at, but I’d literally just bought a new purse and they didn’t have any bag shapes I’d be excited to use.

we went to lush so I could get new soap (I have a chunk of rockstar that’s almost out, and I got poppy for the new one) but as mom was waving me off to go in she got distracted by the toy store across the hall cuz she wanted to find things for jace. that toy store happens to be the one that has the tiny house kits, they had some neat “origami sculpture” kits too but she got me a tiny house kit instead :D we also stopped by the lego store to look around. I really like the dr jones animal care no snakes window sign. mom said sean got her a babw gift card for mother’s day but she forgot to bring it so we may need to go together next time.

after that her lungs were bugging her, so we stopped in the container store to get little cable biters (I got a shark) and we drove to kinokuniya instead of taking the light rail. she had a lot of fun, although there was only like one dedicated shelving unit of sumikkos, and she ended up getting me a bunch of things (sumikko stickers, a corgi bee pin, not one but two of those paper nano kits I’ve been eyeing like. since we first went to the art store next door, and she gave me money so I could go look upstairs for kirby things but they were out of cute blind boxes :c they had the kirby art book, which is exciting, but then I remembered it’s being released in english next year and I’ll be able to enjoy it better that way so I decided to wait), and she got a bunch of stuff for herself too, which is good cuz that’s what we were there for XD (two books of sumikko stickers, a sheet of corgi stickers from the same artist, a sumikko maze board book, a sumikko keychain (shirokuma), and two sets of origami paper)

we went back to the hotel to open presents, jeff got me a shirt that said “un deux trois cats” and had drawings of cats on it, and mom got me the stim toy mystery bag I gave her the link to (extremely good! highly recommended! etsy link is [here]! so packed with fun things it is difficult to give an actual accounting! my favorite was a tiny rattly maraca with a smiley face on it!), pete’s farmer frog tank top, the books Because Internet and A Dream About Lightning Bugs, and a big nanoblocks peacock kit.

we went to cheesecake factory for dinner, I had an okay salad (I was mostly in it for the “bbq ranch dressing”) and the pineapple upside down cheesecake which I only ate part of and took the rest home, then they brought us home.

there will be a second post of just photos sorry y’all :p

oh! and since it’s the first of the month I checked on rent and arin hasn’t gotten their financial aid yet so I had to cover it again :/ they say for this one they’ll pay me back as soon as aid disburses instead of once they have actual money, so at least there’s that.

[rplam]

Goodbye, 2018!

You were kind of… intense, to say the least.

January:    Started the year off kind of… rocky. I wasn’t talking to Matchy at the time and I had just gotten into a relationship with egg boy– I moved back into the dorms and started my spring semester with 17 or 18 units!!! :D. I was really in love, to say the least. I thought I’d found someone to spend the rest of my life with, tbh.

February:   I broke down crying because I couldn’t finish my first CS61B project despite having stayed up all night working on it– I was so disappointed and I was so stressed out that I wouldn’t be able to do pass the class if it continued at that rate. I remember crying and crying and some girl approached me and asked if I was okay, gave me a hug. Thank you Olivia from the fourth floor! I’m doing okay now! This month was also Valentine + egg boy’s birthday! Woah dude the excitement that came with running home to gifts and having egg boy visit Berkeley. It was really surreal, living out what I saw as my dream date at the time and being able to spend time with him and be cuddly. It was really bittersweet when he left, and unfortunately I was too nauseous when he started crying on me before he left to actually do much LOL. Also the first time I got tipsy! Lots of fun!

March:    Things got a little bit rough and intense. Egg boy and I argued over space and such, and we broke up. I really tried super hard to work things out because it was sort of left on ambiguous terms, and I wanted to help him figure out what was going on in his life. Classes went okay! I probably had a breakdown over midterms but I can’t really remember at this point. I reconnected with Matchy! It was very fulfilling and things were a bit difficult but I definitely am glad I did so.

April:    Spring break! I came out to my mom which did not go well, but it was nice to feel the support of my siblings. Things kind of just blew over at this point, and egg boy and I hung out again and sort of made up. We watched Love, Simon and I cried on him like the 12 year old I am. We went shopping and had korean bbq, it was really good; and then we kind of talked about what the future might be like for us. And then a few days later we broke up for real– blocked me and everything. I think my baby girl passed this month as well. It was really rough for me and I kind of couldn’t really hold it together. I think I tried going on a date with waffle boy but that was… not great. I think I just took myself off dating at that point.

May:   At this point, I had been pretty active on my finsta. I’d been slowly trying to understand things. I made it through finals and did well enough! Egg boy wanted to come back into my life and me, not being over him entirely, allowed this and explored the idea of getting back with him. He hit me with the “I don’t want to lose you but I’m not ready for a relationship” over and over and over and over and started calling me baby and stuff. It was– a tad frustrating. I played lots of smite!

June:    We hung out again– within minutes he was being cuddly and affectionate and constantly mumbling “I don’t want to lose you but I am not ready for a relationship” and I was so so so so hurt. I wanted so badly to understand what he was going through– figure out why things were so hard for him. What I didn’t realize was how much of myself I was losing in the process. I went to Gina’s 18th birthday and looked really fancy (took hella selfies LOL)

July:   I finally cut connections with egg boy. It was really hard of course, but ultimately I think it was the best decision for me. I finally had space to breathe and start focusing on the things around me. I spent a lot of time playing siege with Mikey and Matchy and enjoying my summer.

August:    KCON! I had such a wonderful amazing time with Makenna & Erica at KCON and I got standing tickets and I just– I want to have the confidence to let loose a little bit more. We went to LA and drove around a bunch; I started packing to move back to Berkeley and things went swell. I got back to Berkeley! And I met… someone particularly interesting.

September:    I got super close to his dogs! It was really cool and I am so glad I got along well with Sydney! I left my stinky bracelet and kind of pushed my way into his life oops. Classes at this point were going alright– a bit hard but normal. I started my tumblr, and began posting Instagram stories!

October:    Things got a bit problematic when I realized that I liked him a bit more than I should. I discovered maple cookies and wanted to share this wonderful little thing with him so I ran across campus to get boba and bring maple cookies. That was the most interesting uber ride oh my god.

November:   I told him I liked him, like a big smelly dummy. I got a sort of weird reply, so I think at this point I took it as ambiguity for a while– and then I sort of began to take it as rejection and tried to move on. I met tea egg kiddo and thought he was cool! He played siege and league and seemed to get along well enough with my friends. Chiyu passed away this month, and I put the butterfly emoji in my bio in honor of that. I really– I really miss her and wish I had been more present in her life. Tea egg kiddo became dangerously attached and I realized painstakingly that my crush was not going away. I had a straight up anxiety attack and stayed up all night to make sure he was okay, and to this day I can’t help but blame myself. I spent a few weeks with my babies and they made me feel a lot better, and I snuggled with them and woke up to them and oof what a wonderful week. I asked about my crush and it turns out it wasn’t entirely rejection, so I decided I would just stay by his side and help him figure things out before I worry about how I feel. I came out to my dad and began arguing with my parents. He and I spent Thanksgiving together! I kind of wanted to the whole time but didn’t say anything until the day of because I was being stupid and playing the whole “if he doesn’t invite me he don’t WANT me” game which is… in retrospect so childish…. Regardless, it was nice even though the beef was rather shitty, hopefully I can make it better from now on!

December:    My birth month! Finals went kind of roughly despite me having studied pretty hard. I really fell behind this semester because of what has been going on– and a slight bit of lack of motivation. I was really upset that I wasn’t getting enough time with crush and the dogs because of my busy final schedule, and I felt like the distance was making things rough. I argued with family more and it was still super hard, but I made it home for New Years! I had an amazing birthday and got to go shopping in SF. In retrospect, I checked off everything on my list except the cafe– even belting karaoke in a onesie, albeit alone in my apartment. I had been super worried about how my crush felt about me that whole time– I was worried about bothering him with my feelings or something and tried to make him comfortable by putting up barriers, but then realized that it was something that was hindering our friendship. I worked really really really hard trying to figure out a gift. At first, I wanted to make him a blanket like I do with all my friends– but then I realized that he might not really care for it. I saw a guitar ad and it kind of dawned on me– so I went out and found a guitar. I hit up guitar center and lugged it around in the rain, trying to keep it dry and had it restrung and bought a strap! And then, with only a few days left I went and bought a ton of art supplies and went to town on that strap. Honestly, I was nervous giving it to him because I didn’t know– how he would feel or if he wouldn’t like it or whatnot. I was absolutely TERRIFIED. We had Christmas lunch together and decided to spend less time together and to be a bit more firm in our boundaries. Egg boy gave me a really hard time and kind of pulled the “I never loved you” act on me, and peach boy kind of also friendzoned me.

[huckurns]

omhaa steaks date: Mon, Apr 29, 2019 at 10:04 AM

my boss gives out coupons he loves the things thats his weekend, a kitchen island covered in all the taactile sticky non newspaper paper that lives in the middle  of the newspaper its a colorful mess, ot some acme got come khls got some best buy got some shop rite gor some good stuff for customizable checks you can get those things personalized, i bet i mean if i had a check book i alwasy thought it would be cool to have it be like a full football field wiht the end zone in siht i thought it would be a strong presence when signing the initial checks to start my llc for my custom car cleaning business, i mean that was a side project haha a real pike dream i just really wanted to get my hands all over my bosses car, but haha his coupons wouldnt work on me, but yeah sometimes he invites me over on the weekend to go through his collection, he takes a walk early saturday and opens up everyone on the street over from his newspapers, he lives in a condo development so the streets are all the same and it his neighbors all know its him but he still likes to take the coupons from the street bc he knows they have the best newspaper variety, some good pickings, everyone knows the times has the more upscale super market coupons he even mentioned how this weeknd he found what he thought could be the best coupon. sometimes hell just flaunt them around the office, like 'oh eveeryone ! we could e having a morning coffee cake 2 for 5 entements of course, BUT YOU ALL ARE SLACKING AND IT AINT EVEN WEDNESDAY YET MAYBE THE EXPIRATION DATE ON THIS GUY WILL RUN OUT BEFORE I CAN USE IT ON YOU GUYS HAHA OPH WHATS THIS IT EXPIRESFRIDAY UH OH SOME PEOPLE GOTTA GET their numbers up AND THOSE people who whta numbers need to go up and they all should know whom they are bc it s all of you ALL OF U NEED TO GET ALL YOUR NUMBERS UP. he meant it too, but this eweeekend when he showed me the omaha steaks gift card he said it with a tone that was different from his auther flaunts or taunts he showed me the coupon and saif " this could cahnge it all, this right here could turn the office around... i think i should give it to you. ITLL GIVE ME TOO MUCH POWER i cant start you know being a opush over all of a sudden i cant strart cashing in these coupons for my people i mean you are all my people i may be harsh sometimes , but an expiration date is a nice motivating factor right? you guys get all jived uop i can see if, i tell you that the deal on 36 packs of pepsi products aint going to last all week and yeah you guys might crack a few extra pops, BUT IT IS ALL FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME, PLAY HARD OR GO HOME if you aint cracking papsis to be getting more pepsis then idk where you are from bc from where i am from we gotta crush a can to crack a can." so he gave the omaha steaks coupon to me, then he snatched it back real quick" what what the fuck this is alot, this is alot of beef, HOLY SHIT THIS . IS A LOT OF COW MY MAN this is a lot of BEEF MY mAN, haha i mean maybe i cant give u all the credit they are going to lose it at work, but i mean what if they dont make it in time, what if you tell them the expiration date and it is too much and they start seeating start them meat sweats thinking about all the meat, before they are even close the the numbers we need to be doing they would already be mioles away thinking about green pastors and cows noshing cud chewing cud into their multiple stomaches, HELL WHAT AM I DOING, CUT THAT OUT i fires amanda right shes long gone haha, she told me that whole cud bullshit that whole 2 stomach lie amanda was so full OF HER SELF SHE DIDNT SEE EYE TO eye with the company hahaha but why am i telling you that you fired her haha for me may have you but i mean we didnt need her aroudn she would not have stood for this ill tell you that she would rip up this coupon in plain sight right on the spot ON SIGHT, damn vaygan damn stinky oat pusher, ahahaha no she was nice i gave her a nice reference and refered her to our other branch a little outside the city but outside enough that they have drool worthy rent, tgheres a brudgening art community out there more affordable living, and more of a focus on copmmunity, working together with neighbors and friends to be building a smaller more sustainable community, ahhahahahah it makes me sick what numbskulls." he give s me the coupon back "itll be simple okay," my boss, my boss is now looking for his beverage, id say coffee bc that what it looks like but this guy abstains from caffine i dont think he is mormnan but mentioned the complete power that mmornam fathers have he has given full speaches to full conferences of peple from aroudn the world on how mormon fathers are so powerful, how they control their whole familyds and brainwash their young into doing whatever they say. i know a mormomn and over the weeekdn she posted for her brothers birthday on insta gram, one of the most unforgivable acts one can preform on instagram, but this post, for her brother was a screenshot of a text from her dad and it was a picture of her brother sent from her father and it said: heres you post for gus's birthday with the caption : mr gus is growing up. and she just posted the whole screenshot which yes, right on the nose like she is aware she must be nuts like she is self aware that she is brainwashed by father but like is this a cry for help i saw that post and was like okay so this is just her mormon instagram where all the comments are people also apart of the acult but then i was like maybe this person is so delusisional that they are okay portraying themself as complete slave to their parents its weird in a way that she feels her father is her boss. its odd. "you take the coupon, where the hell is my ovultine," a big stack of the slippery colorfully printed coupon paper starts to slide off the table but its that slow fall where the top starts to fall and eventually the full stack will fall, but each layer has to pull the next layer down with it so itll take a while to fully fall but my boss lets em all fall as he takes a gulp from his chocolate drink. "oyou take the coupon you present it to everyone in the office you can even stand on my desk ill allow it this will be a bbig day, ill call out that day so that you can look like a dark horse and everyone will cheer for you, ill be hidining in my closet while this is going down but thats just for me:) i just want to hear their yelps when you exclaim when you announce nononon WHEN YOU DECLARE THE OFFICE BBQ, byt you really got to sell it it might help if you read soime of the lines off here, " BIG OMAHA STEAKS BIG JUICY T BONES" wow somne of this i might have to keep haha my freezers full, but it can go in the drink fridge in the 'rage in the garage thats whata i call my garage the 'RAGE but yeah i think theyll be into it, maybe something like 'OMAHA down set OMAHA HIKE EEEEE" its a football thing, those colts fans will get a real kick out of it a big kick. " hes standing on the couch stepping around the couch, crunchin coupons as he steps on the couch, he is dancing around like a quarter back pass faking everywhere pass faking around the living room. "OMAHA AAAAAA HIKE OMAHAAAAAAAAAAA"  he has done this before sadly, the omaha steak coupons arent rare they arent they just send them out seasonally so poepl get more excited for them the coupons are all for over 500$ worth of meat its a big deal he doesnt realize that he still has frozen beef in his drink fridge. "omahaaaaaaaaa down set OMAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAA,  donwn set down set down set;..... HIKE OMAHAAAAA.. go for it this time okay go good for it this time we really gotta go get em good this time OUR NUMBERS WILL NOT LIE I AM TRUTH AND MY NUMBERS ARE THE FACTS AN EXPIRATION DATE IS JUST A MOTIVATION FACTOR TO GET IT BEOFRE ITS GONE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE BEFORE ITS NO GOOD ANY MORE" he breaks down in tears "I COULD HAVE BEEN A BEEF I COULD HAVE BEEN A QUARTER BACK"

[bmxbusiness-blog]

Interview with SCg Shoes/owner Steven Caro Q.(-How many years has SCG been around?)   A.I started SCg in Greenville NC back in 1999, making us the First Rider Owned Shoe Company. That would put us about 20 years old! (Some may recall you guys being Dave Mirra 2 video game back in 2002!)   A.I wish I could have been! hahaha. Although Dave was a really good friend, he was sponsored by DC and they were featured in the game. Rest easy Dave, you are missed and loved more than words could express... Q.(What motivated you to start a BMX shoe brand in the ERA of Etnies and DC being on the throne?)   The funny thing is I started SCg after getting really pissed because a popular shoe made by one of the big guys blew up on me riding. I had gone to Florida from NC to meet up with my cousin to ride and hang out. At the skatepark, I purchased the shoes and went on to do a wall ride to table and my foot blew off the pedal. After I crashed I realized I could see my sock through the side of my brand new shoes. I tried to warranty the shoe at the skatepark, and when talking to the brands sales rep on the phone about warranty, when I mentioned I blew it up riding bikes, they said it was designed for skateboarding not BMX. The back and forth with that got me so pissed off I turned right around and headed back home. Driving back from Florida, I stopped for gas in Georgia off the highway, and literally standing in socks and still pissed about it all and the money spent on the blown up shoes, and it starts raining.. Livid, standing in a gas station parking lot in socks, and feet getting wet because of the rain, thats when I decided I'd make my own damn shoes.. lol. That was in 1998. When I got back home I sketched up what I wanted pretty quickly, but it took the rest of the year trying calls and what felt like about a million emails  to find someone that would talk to me and actually help me get the first shoes produced. Q.(You currently sponsor Zack Gerber who seems to share the same core BMX values your brand, not to mention he is also extremely underrated. Have you released a signature products with him yet?)   A.Yes sir. We sponsor Zack Gerber.  That came about indirectly through Billy Woodfin, who rides for us and also rides for Standard Bykes. Billy had been riding SCg's and told Zack about them and Zack put his money where his mouth was and bought shoes. I remember thinking, Zack fkn kills it, and offered him a discount on his purchase, and he flat out refused. Said he liked what we were doing and wanted to support SCg, so thats where it all started. I was stoked getting to know him more and wanted to support his as well, and thats how it came to be Zack riding for SCg. I think his BMX values, and his outlook on life and other things are on the same page with me for sure. A while back, Zack was on a road trip and came through Florida and he stayed with us here at the house for some days and it was awesome to get to not just ride with him, and hang out, but talk a bunch and had some really great conversations and a lot more stuff way more profound then just BMX. Zack is awesome. We've done some limited edition Pro Insoles with Zack's grafix, and literally about time to restock so have to call Zack to see if he wants to keep the art work the same, or if he'd like to do something different. We'll be doing more signature stuff with Zack and the rest of the team guys as well. Q.(You have sponsored some legends of the years such as Bruce Crisman. Care to name a few others that you have hooked up over the years?)   A.Bruce Crisman and I met when he moved to Greenville, and quickly because one of my best friends. Bruce is family to me, and love that guy to death. Not to mention, he's killed it on a bike forever. He was riding for us when he won the X Games, and then he got an offer from Adidas that I told him he should't pass up! lol. Been fortunate to have some great guys ride for SCg over the years, some briefly, some have never left. Alejandro Caro, Will Love, Rick Moliterno, I think fit that bill of legend and I think Glenn Salyers would have been in the same light as well. Rest easy Glenn. We've got Zack now that fits that bill and is still killing it.  Our current group of guys are all awesome and I'm sure they will all be legends in their own right. We'll be a legend factory.. lol. Seriously, I'm honored to have such great riders and guys being a part of SCg Shoe Co.  Billy Woodfin, Zack Gerber, Riley Jordan, Mike Hinkins, Mike Bennett, Brian Fox, Patrick Guimez, Ryan Torrence, Jed Mildon, Jay Cowley, James McGraw, and Alejandro Caro. We've got some other guys on the BMX side of things we're helping out as well and we've got guys repping in the MTB world as well. Q.(What can we look out from SCG this year? Any plans or new products in the works?)   A.”For SCg Shoe Co. as a business, we've recently increased our stake in the factory that produces our shoes in Colombia South America.  We own 50% now, and we're moving to own 100% hopefully by the end of this year. So thats a huge one. Controlling the product from the drawing board, to making tooling, to selecting materials, making the shoes, and shipping them out.  We control the entire process and to me, thats the most important part of being able to produce the quality shoes that I want. Its taken a really long time focusing on the back end to get to the point where we own 50% of the factory, and we're not done yet.. lol. With new products, we're working on clip shoes for bmx racing and mtb. We'll be offering every shoe in the line up as a flat pedals shoe, or available in a clip pedal shoe as well. We've got a Enduro shoe we're about done with that will be in the Enduro World Series this year with a new team rider there, but we're not announcing his name just yet, but he's fast as hell, and fits who we are as a brand and group of guys. Absolutely sure we'd be able to have a SCg bbq and everyone that would be there would all have a blast and enjoy everyone else thats on the team. Thats always the goal, to have awesome guys with different perspectives, and all be able to dig being around each other. For plans, I'd love to do a team trip. We've never done one really, since its always been keeping inventory on the shelf, new products getting developed, and mostly buying tooling and equipment to get to the 50% ownership of the factory now and working to that 100%.” Q.(How can shops go about becoming a SCG dealer?)  A.”Right now, we don't have any outside sales guys, but we're working on that right now. Working on distro in the UK, and outside sales here in the states, but any shop that wants to carry SCg , we'd love it. We don't do any crazy big buy in's to become a dealer. We suggest a full size run to start, but each shop is different with what their needs are and budget is. Any shop that wants to be a dealer, shoot us a message and take a peak at the website to see what we've got. ‪www.SCgShoeCo.com‬ email me at ‪Steven.Caro@SCgShoeCo.com‬, and ‪info@SCgShoeCo.com‬. We're looking for distro and shops and I think we can do a lot of stuff kinda tailored to the shops and locations with our grafix capabilities since we do it all ourselves. Proudly Handmade in Colombia South America. Our soft-goods are gut and sew and we've been moving away more and more from the bigger tee brands to doing our cut and sew more and more with the aim of it all being 100% cut and sew. Hoodies, socks, tee's, back packs, bmx bike bags, and most importantly shoes. I'd like to start this last bit with a huge Thank You James! I appreciate you and what you are doing with bmxbusiness. We'll have to keep in touch and do some kind of contest to win some goodies. Also a huge Thank You to Alejandro Caro and Jason Duque. With out those guys I wouldn't be producing shoes in Colombia and honestly, I'm lucky to have the ability to work closely with those two, who are like brothers to me. Jason is one of my best friends and is my production manager among the 30 hats he wears with SCg, and Alejandro again, one of my best friends and was the one person to directly get me into Colombia to start this amazing journey, and he's always had great insight and advice. Love you brother..  and the biggest Thank You to my mom and pops for all the help and support all these years and the boss lady Margarita Caro. I couldn't do what I do with out you... Thank You to everyone that has ever helped me in any way, words of support, purchased shoes, invested time and money, blood sweat and tears, the OG riders that helped launch a dream and become some of my best friends in this world, and the two guys that never like when I say Thank You, Lee Flythe and Brian Lee Stroud.... You've both saved me.. :)” Steven Caro Owner/Rider SCgShoeCo ‪813-334-6454‬

[flightykickback]

Before BTS in Chicago, I didn’t believe in post-concert depression.  Clearly, I was wrong.

BE FOREWARNED!

If you thought some of my other posts were long, you’re in for a treat! This one is longer!

  ~ 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 ~

  I spent four, long, arduously stressful months trying to get tickets to see BTS in New York or Chicago.  My friend and I combined devices to become a tiny force to be reckoned with, only to lose out on tickets for New York AND Chicago!

October was coming around the corner.  I had set-up dozens of Facebook and Twitter notifications for various BTS groups and one extra special gem, BTSTicketBOT.  Eventually, I had to make a decision on one location instead of being bombarded by notifications for two, so I picked Chicago.  I started to search for BTSxChicago hashtags and various keywords in search engines until I hit the jackpot! I found LoveYourselfxChicago, a BTS fanbase in the Chicago-area that organizes fan events and charity drives.

DO NOT buy from unreliable websites such as Craig’s List.  You WILL be scammed.  No matter how tempting and how desperate you may have become during your search, DON’T DO IT! There will be tickets, just keep reading! (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

LoveYourselfxChicago was selling tickets for a suite ($250 each), at the tip-tip-tippy top of the arena with a full meal plan and semi-private bathrooms.  I told them, “I do.”

K, I was at peak gambling mode at this point before I had to look at the time and stop taking chances.  Originally, I told them NO! I wanna see sweat dripping from Namjoon’s forehead from P1 seating! Then I crumpled my wish on a piece of paper (seriously, I wrote exactly what I wanted multiple times on several slips of paper), before I meekly asked to be put on a waitlist.  (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))

Luckily, we had already booked an Airbnb and THE cheapest transportation through Megabus ($13 total with tax, for two tickets)…..but you ought to know I’m never on time, so we missed it and had to drive (LOL!).

Yoooooo, my friend and I wanted to enjoy those charter seats and avoid the erratic Chicago traffic so bad that I called my niece to see if I got ahead of the bus, would she keep my car at her college over the weekend, just gas it up.  We didn’t make it.  Which…worked out for us later…We stocked up on flavored soju at Joong Boo Market and got some awesome food at San Soo Gab San Korean BBQ *cackles*

Finally! We’re in Chicago! We go to Mecca and it’s a barricaded parking lot across from United Center with people dancing it out to BTS music blaring from BigHit speakers.  Choreo, cheers, screaming over biases, everyone was just having so much fun! Hanging out in a parking lot was a bit of a let-down considering how much money we ARMY deliberately and emotionally give BigHit, but at least the Love Yourself banners and images were displayed everywhere.  It was nice seeing the block decked out for BTS:

    Right at the entrance of the barricade was the lightstick help desk, so I made a beeline!

HERE’S THE ULTIMATE V3 LIGHTSTICK FIX!…put a little cushion on the bottom of the battery pack to boost it up.  There’s an issue with the battery not completing the circuit, so the light doesn’t come on.  The cushion eliminates that issue.  o(≧∇≦o)

There was NO line for merch.  Everyone came and went.  (I meeeaaaan, if you’re going to line up all night for first dibs, you shouldn’t have to wait all day right?).  Luckily, I had found a GO and we got merch without having to wait in line! We were able to meander over to the merch table after getting my lightstick fixed and lazily check off the order ballet whatever we wanted.  Merch availability was posted on banners.  The more popular items like the photo book, slogan, certain t-shirt sizes, premium photos, etc., were sold out, but there was a ton of lightsticks, mini lightstick rings, and photo cards, left over.

Legit. We were in and out in minutes.  The longest part was making up my mind.  I even purchased more PCs after a change of heart while still staring at the cashier (I needed at least two packs!).

Next, we were on the prowl…to sell fanmerch! This was our first time.  We had created some Love Yourself themed pocket mirrors and were hoping to recoup some of the concert costs.  We almost got bounced by BigHit Staff (LOL!).  This lady came over to us like, “this is your final warning.” My friend said to her, you mean our first?! Cause, we ain’t never seen this chick or spoke to her before.  She pursed her lips a bit cause she knew that was dumb to say.  Meanwhile, fansites and savvier fan merchants were stealthily dodging BigHit Staff and United Center Security, just making a KILLING!

I friggin love fan merch so much.  I buy from fans all the time online and it’s my favorite thing to do at a kpop concert. Fan merch can be beautiful and are usually the better things the band’s company doesn’t sell.  Since they’re unique, you’ll never find it anywhere else and if they’re discontinued, it’s once in a lifetime, so it was a bit disappointing that BigHit had the place on lockdown.  It was greedy, especially with how they’re pummeling us fans with various collaborations and activities (Mattel dolls, Funko Pop Vinyls, UNO cards, BTS World, The Notes Books, etc.)  Support your fandom family!

Honestly, there’s not much more to do and since I didn’t enter the photo booth lottery, I don’t have more to describe. I realized the set-up is more of a dip-in and dip-out scenario.  Buy merch, see some sights, get pictures, then bounce (although, I’ve seen posts from fans in Asian countries where it’s a whole damn festival, but whatever America.  Capitalism sucks.).  We tried to sell more merch while fans were lining up at the entrances, then made our long walk back to the bus stop (I was not driving or paying for parking) and turned in for the night.

The lines into the United Center were extraordinary…because people wouldn’t listen.  Granted, everyone had to form a line prior to the doors opening, but eventually, security was telling people to exit the lines and enter through any of the other doors.  One whole section, with multiple entrances, had no lines, but fans were so damn scared to lose their place that they didn’t trust to leave their spot.  Most had reserved seats!  Swear, fans must have PTSD from how they have to fight for everything.  Security was checking bags and scanning people through the metal detectors very quickly, so there was no need for the uncertainty.  ¯\_(⌣̯̀⌣́)_/¯

The next day was CONCERT DAAAAAAAY! I’m gonna skip a bunch of stuff because it’s redundant and I pretty much talked about security.  How. Ever.  We did sell more fan merch (Thanks!), made mutuals, spoke to some great people, and even met Dee Skelliton.  Eventually, it was time to check our bags and ride that evasive elevator to the sky-I mean, our suite.

Kudos to the people that handed out free stuff.  I got a couple of PCs and lyrics to Seesaw in support of Yoongi’s solo stage.

Word of caution.  Don’t overexert yourself.  We brought water, snacks, a hand fan, extra batteries, charger, and other necessities.  I thought we were ready, but that walking! Ugh! We must’ve walked the equivalent of 10 miles from the bus stop to United, around United several times, to Subway for grub, back to United.  We were tired AF, so when we got to the suite, we wanted to chill, but there were 20 other people already there and not enough seating with a view (suites can accommodate 20 people, but only have 10 stadium seats.  There were barstools and couches, but the TVs were not broadcasting the show).

But we had fooooooood, baby!  *raps* I’m a big girl, that likes big things, and I keep a plate, for my big dreams.  There was hotdogs, ciabatta sandwiches, meatball subs, fruit, a bunch of other stuff and champ-angia.  I was so stressed from low sales and so many people around me, I really needed a breather so when the attendant cracked that bottle open, I didn’t shy.  I got lit.

Music videos were blasting.  Snapchat Geofilter was on! We had our fan project banners ready (Day 1 and 2)! Fans were singing along with their lightsticks on.  And then, THE LIGHTS DIMMED! Our lightsticks went crazy colorful! BTS popped up from beneath the stage and I blacked out.

Swear, I remember screaming my head off, trying my best at the Korean lyrics, crying a shitload, streaming to my closest BTS friends (shhhhh! (*≧艸≦)), hopping from our suite to the practically-empty-suite these beautiful, magnificent, gracious girls were willing to share, but otherwise, I don’t remember a lot.  Luckily, there’s film….but I’m too embarrassed by my screeching to post it (and it’s taking forever to upload!), so enjoy these photos instead!  Mind you, we reached the last summit when we walked off the elevator.

  We also got some amazing scenes:

Jungkook’s abs

Jimin’s abs

Namjoon getting emotional at all the love he was receiving and thanking everyone for coming to the concert.

Baepsae was a biiiiiiitch!

I SAID BAEPSAE WAS A BIIIIIIITCH!

If I were to describe the euphoric feeling I had seeing the boys in person, I’d never do it justice.  They were marvelous, engaging, funny and oh-so-sweet.  Hence why I’m pissed that I’m missing their stadium tour.  I told myself, I’m definitely seeing them next time…who knew they’d drop tickets this week?! This sounds weird, but I was extra upset that I won’t be able to go to one of the stadium stops and see the awesome light show.  Up to 80-90,000 lightsticks flickering and forming multicolored art in unison! Have you seen those videos? Wow. It would be such a breathtaking experience.

If you’re looking to get BTS Tickets, check out my other post.  The title is a little misleading, but my Plan B for getting tickets after they’re sold out is there.

If you’re banking on getting tickets direct from Ticketmaster…it’s all luck.  You can do everything correctly according to fans:

Have multiple devices

Recruit friends with multiple devices

Have the fastest internet service

Have multiple browsers and tabs open

Not refresh the page

For certain platforms, refresh the page

Log-in hours in advance and wait to be placed in the queue

Even Ticketmaster provided a preparation guide.

You can do all that and some (I did) and still not score a single ticket.  Remember, based on the stage set-up, only 2/3s of the stadium’s seating will be sold, part of the tickets are already reserved for BigHit, Ticketmaster or another broker, and season ticket holders.  That means even fewer tickets will be available! Not only are you competing with each other but also scalpers with dedicated servers to snatch up tickets.

I’m not trying to scare anyone, just stating facts.  If Plan A doesn’t work, don’t give up hope! Plan B may be your best option. Just keep storing your coins and be flexible.  A couple of things on my previous post in the bonus section actually happened:

Ticketmaster released additional tickets, unannounced, a week or two before the Chicago concert date.

United Center sold extra tickets both nights of the show

People were posting last-minute ticket sales in various groups

It pays to keep checking the website, staying tuned to social media and just waiting in the box office line at the venue.

Another thing I learned while talking to various fans at United Center and also from social media posts, is that sometimes people with extra unsold tickets may just give them away! *screams*

If you choose to purchase resale tickets, do it through StubHub or Vividseats.  Both sites guarantee similar tickets if the ones purchased are fake or will refund your money.  Last year, StubHub realized how popular BTS is and created a dedicated customer service hotline (too many people were calling lol!).  Also, if you call into Vividseats, they might give a discount (the rep offered me 15%).  Lastly, if purchasing resale tickets from another fan, ask for proof and have someone else look at the proof with you.  You can even ask in groups if other people know of the account selling the tickets.

  ~ My Last Humble Opinion ~

  Last year, Love Yourself tour tickets for Metlife Stadium had a decent resale price on StubHub because many ARMY had already purchased tickets: extremely overpriced resale tickets and multiple face value tickets in hopes for the right seats.  I’ve seen many ARMY say they might sit this tour out because they’re broke like me, they’re saving for other kpop concerts, or they’re unsure how different the Speak Yourself concert will be from Love Yourself stages.  That ups the chances for tickets and, if the demand isn’t as high as last time, the resale prices will go down about two or three days from the concert date and they’ll become lower the day of.  Hell, Ontario wasn’t a popular destination and those tickets were nuts.

Just don’t buy tickets because you can and then hold them in hopes of better tickets.  There will be more chances.  There were lots of tickets that were unclaimed.  Some of the top tier levels. Were. Not. Full.

So anything is possible! Believe it and stay fighting!

  There you have it: This behemoth posting that tired me out enough over the weeks that I had to just publish the sucker and get it over with! LOL! Hopefully, this is useful.  I wanted to get it out sooner than the day Speak Yourself tickets go on sale.  I also forgot about DPR! Oh well. (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭

Experience: #LoveYourselfInChicago where I learned first hand what PCD is and the overwhelming disgrace of blacking out. Before BTS in Chicago, I didn’t believe in post-concert depression.  Clearly, I was wrong. BE FOREWARNED!

[salwins]

What is holding you back from your journey?

All too often in life you hear people say, I should of, I would of, I need too. If I had a dollar for every time I uttered those same words, I would be a millionaire.

Life can throw us all curve balls, and I have said it a number of times before, there is no certainties in life. Recent losses in the past in recent months, have validated that belief.  At the same time, some of their passing messages were enriched with “what life did you live” and “did you live your life”. A reminder that in life, you have this one life and then its over. We will never know when that is!

  So anyone that knows me knows, that my level of enthusiasm for BBQ is just a bit much. I have been experimenting on different ways of producing a quality product. I started my BBQ journey with the basic $59.99 dome smoker from Wal-mart almost 20 years ago. From there I moved to the propane box smoker, and then eventually into the Traeger pellet grill. I felt like I hit the big time with the Traeger until one day last year I got a chance to use a real stick burner smoker. The taste, the challenges of managing real fire was what ignited my passion for the art of BBQ. It was on, did a lot of research to find the smoker I would like… Found that there was no real store boughts out there, and custom builds was where it is at. Surfed through lots of websites, and Facebook Forums, and found the Lang BBQ Smoker.

At first I was like, too much, too far.. But the more research I did and the more I looked into it, I was like. You, if you want to do something, do it and don’t 1/2 ass it. So I pulled the trigger and went all the way down to Nahunta, GA and met Ben Lang the owner. Now, unlike IL where an interstate will take you most places, this was deep into the southern parts of GA, so it was a fun and scenic trip that was about 900 miles from home. The moment I got there and met Ben and had he him walk me through the products it was the right decision. He told me about Q School where he invites in the Baron of BBQ Chef Paul Kirk to teach classes, and that the next one was in 2 weeks. That was just a bit too close for me, but I knew that once this grill made it home I would want to take the course. Made a promise to look into it in the spring, and sure enough. Road Trip # 2 to Savannah was in the making.. The class was amazing and I was surround individuals that have the same bug and passion for BBQ. Maybe a bit too much, but their desire and love of making people say.. WOW, this is amazing is the best few words you want to hear when you are responsible for creating that food.

Again, some would say, ” You drove how far to learn how to cook bbq?”  I say, I have a passion and I really enjoy cooking and doing BBQ.. If I have the means to further my dreams and passion, I am a fool for not pursuing them.

Of course, I was once again eyeing my next BBQ Pit, but its also aligning with my desire to do some sort of Road Side BBQ stand.. Keep it simple, quality and fun.. Life is about living and doing what you enjoy..

  So the goal was set, I was off to southern Georgia.. But hey, for the drive and the timelines it did not make any sense to add a bit of site seeing to the mix. I was recently trying to capture what states I have already visited,  and then plan my next journey. I realized that in all my travels to the south, some how I have missed Alabama?  As I am mapping my route, turns out that going to Savannah by way of Huntsville was negligible in time, and in fact may of shaved a little time off the trip.. So, booked… Check, and done!!

I said Savannah and not Nahunta because its only about an hour out, and I can spend a day site seeing Tybee Island, and enjoying some good seafood. I had not had some real time ocean source crab in ages, and I wanted to see some beachfront. I also had a chance to tour Ft. Pulaski which was a Civil fort, that was left intact..

All in all I wanted to be able to capture some great photos with the DSLR camera and experience the things that I do not get to see very often.

Capturing life so to speak…

Soo… I close this blog with this video… What is holding you back. Are you getting by in life, or are you truly reaching out for your dreams and goals. Are you allowing road blocks to your happiness be your leg chains and shackles. How many times have you asked yourself or made a plan in the last few weeks and not followed through. What were your excuses?

  Life is short…

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[chicagotacotalk]

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Type: Fancy Albany Park Tacos

Price $$$

Amidst the taco explosion of the last 5 years, there have been some pretty great taco places opening up around the country, and Chicago is no exception. We’ve had places come and go, and chefs experimenting and inventing awesome ways for us to shove food in our faces on little corn mashed circles.

There is something about a restaurant when the chef, and everyone involved really cares about the work they do and the food they put out. There is actually a large section of the page devoted to the story behind the family restaurant and Chef Nieto (great name). The service, although a little slow at times, is always friendly and accommodating. The place is comfortable, and although they don’t display the quantity or quality of Latin inspired art many Latin American restaurants boast, they do have a pretty cool photo of Bob Dylan’s Freewheelin’ album cover. There are also skateboards an stickers on the wall, and one gets the feeling they are trying to speak to the hip taco-loving kids in the area. The drinks are also pretty decent here, I recommend the Pomegranate Cucumber Mezcal laced concoction. 

We started off with two orders of guacamole, each about the size of an ice cream scoop. The spicy pumpkin seed, which comes with charred pineapple, and the serrano pico de gallo, nice and chunky. Both were very tasty, and they come with some delicious sticks of jicama planted in the guac. The “chips” that come out are actually fried whole tortillas. Although I had to do the work and break them up my damn self, I twasn’t mad at it. 

For taco journalism purposes, I ordered 6 tacos. Truth be told, I wasn’t able to finish all six, but I managed to put away 4 and a half, which ain’t to shabby.  The tacos I ordered: Korean BBQ Beef, Pork Belly, Short Rib, Charred Butternut Squash, Green Curry Camaron, and Chicken Tinga. All their tacos are served on homemade corn tortillas, which is, as you know, the only way if you’re serious about tacos. 

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I knew I was in for a quite a meal, so I started off with what is typically my favorite taco, the Pork Belly. I wasn’t going to fill up on what could possibly be not-so-great tacos and not have room for my favorite, duh. The pork was cooked properly and not too dry. It had a great grilled, smokey taste, and was chopped into cubes, which I found interesting. Pork to the third power. Super delicious, and topped off with Oaxacan Pasilla salsa and pico de gallo relish, it quickly became one of my favorite pork belly tacos in Chicago.  Possibly my favorite? Not too fatty, but just enough to give it perfect flavor. 

The short rib taco… holy mole. This might be one of the best tacos I have ever eaten. Although I love barbacoa, it made me wonder why short rib hasn’t replaced it yet in every Mexican eatery. I have to admit, it is difficult for me to even write about right now – it’s about 10 minutes before the lunch-time call, and I am famished. The short rib comes with onions and green salsa, traditional steak taco style. And a little bit of radish, which seems to be their thing here. I don’t know what else to say about it other than a flavor explosion that shook me to my core. I will dream about this taco for months.

The Korean BBQ Beef taco, which in essence is a bulgolgi taco, was delicious, although a bit salty for me. It probably is supposed to be. As for the Korean influence, all the flavors were there. It comes with kimchi, cilantro, and radish, with a healthy splash of sesame seeds. At first I found it a little mystifying to see this taco on the menu (as it was mystifying why there were chopsticks on the table), but then I read the website, and realized the location, West Albany Park, historically has had a large Korean population. Anyways, what I want to say here is, this is a good taco, but not the best on the menu. If I want Korean flavors, I’ll probably just go to a Korean restaurant. But don’t discount this taco! I’m just sort of an all or nothing kind of guy. 

On to the roasted butternut squash and kale taco. In the history of  dual combinations, there have been some heavyweights. Gin and Juice. Sonny and Cher. Democrats and Republicans. But the best of the combos, the one I’m getting at here, is the salty and the sweet. It is my estimation that was the aim of this particular taco, and although tasty, it just barely misses the mark. The sweetness of the  butternut squash overpowered the saltiness supplemented by the farmer’s cheese and tomatillo salsa. But it was a close match, and with a little bit of fine tuning, this taco could out-do a chocolate covered pretzel on any day of the week. Coming from me, that’s saying a lot, because I love those damn things.

The chicken tinga taco….was decent. It pretty much follows along the lines of most pulled chicken tacos, and it wasn’t dry, which is a common occurrence of the pulled variety. It had a great spicy chile and garlic rubbed flavor, and with the salsa, was a tasty treat, but nothing too spectacular about it. I wouldn’t steer you away, it gets a solid B+. 

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And now, the shrimp curry taco. I enjoy a good Thai curry, and I love me some shrimp, but I’m not sure if both of these belong inside a taco. Once again, I feel like I would prefer to get this from a Thai restaurant rather than having shrimp dressed with curry inside a taco. It felt ambitious, yet uninspired at the same time, if that makes any sense. It probably doesn’t. If anything, this taco felt more like a palette cleanser, sandwiched between the huge flavors of the Korean taco and the short rib. Or maybe I’m just not the biggest Thai curry fan, and you would enjoy this taco more than I did. That’s completely possible. 

Overall, Rojo Gusano, although not a complete homerun, settles for an RBI with a man on third. Clearly some tacos definitely outshine others. Maybe my take was skewed by personal preference, but I try my best to offer an objective opinion and keep the facts straight. I definitely recommend it, but if I were to have a word with Chef Nieto, my opinion as a frequent taco consumer would be to stick to traditional Latin American flavors. As for the vibe, the place looks hip, and the drinks are all tasty. Not a fan of the metal chairs, but I’ll always settle if it means good food. The outside seating is a nice treat as well, and one thing I should note is the background music was well curated, which makes sense considering the Dylan poster and the fresh young vibe of the joint. I did see an amplifier in the corner, so it looks like they might have some local musicians serenading you while you dine, although I have yet to encounter it. The prices are reasonable (the specialty tacos are in the three dollar range, the more basic tacos 2 something) but they all were equal in quality. There is paid parking outside. I’ve never had trouble finding a spot, but for some reason it has always been the last spot available. Outside seating, brunch, booze, tacos, amazing appetizers…I hope this place sticks around for a long time. 

I give Rojo Gusano 4.0 out of 5 chiles.

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  The Red Worm – Rojo Gusano 3830 W Lawrence Chicago, IL Type: Fancy Albany Park Tacos Price $$$ Amidst the taco explosion of the last 5 years, there have been some pretty great taco places opening up around the country, and Chicago is no exception.

[fadingfartconnoisseur]

UPDATES: I’m Hosting More Speaking Events and a Newer Guide to Free Flights

Hello everyone!

Happy Thursday! I’m currently leading a tour around Austin (if you’re in town, come to the BBQ tomorrow) but here’s just a quick update today, as I have two big announcements:

First, the Nomadic Network tour is back! A few months ago we started doing a “beta” test of community meetups in preparation for our September launch of a new global community event program (more on that later, like in September). We learned a lot during the first go-round on how to make the meetups better, and we’re doing another mini-tour at the end of the month!

At each of the events, you’ll have a talk or presentation by me and other travelers, giving you practical advice on how to travel on a budget and create a life outside the box, followed by a social hour to meet like-minded folks! The goal of these events is to take this amazing online community offline and into real life!

Here are our next dates:

June 28th – Miami | Sign Up Here June 29th – New Orleans | Sign Up Here July 5th – Houston | Sign Up Here July 6th – Denver | Sign Up Here July 9th – Vancouver | Sign Up Here July 10th – Toronto | Sign Up Here

The cost of each event is $6 USD. We’re not doing this for profit. It’s purely to cover the cost of the event spaces. However, anyone who attends the events gets 10% off any books we sell on the website to help offset the cost of admission.

You can sign up through the Eventbrite links above. Note: You will need to register in advance as we will NOT be collecting any money at the door.

******

Second, I’ve updated my guide to travel hacking. Travel hacking, the art of using points and miles for free travel, is one of the most important tools in the budget traveler’s arsenal. It’s how I travel so often for so cheap. (I flew back home this week on Lufthansa first-class using points.) Every year, I earn and burn over a million points for first-class flights, business-class flights, a trip for my parents, free hotel stays, and much more!

The new edition of the book reflects changes in travel hacking methods over the last six months. I’ve updated loyalty program requirements and rules, credit card bonus information, links, phone numbers, and everything in between to reflect recent changes and mergers in frequent flier and hotel loyalty programs, as well as the credit card programs themselves. I also removed old and outdated information from the book. (Ya know, all the little things you do when you update a guidebook!)

But beyond that, I ADDED a lot of new advice, tips, and tricks to help you better navigate this world so you can maximize your points and rewards at a time when airlines are slashing their loyalty program perks. Here’s what’s new:

A spreadsheet that tells you what cards to use when you want to fly a certain airline (I created this detailed spreadsheet. You won’t find it anywhere else!)

A more detailed section on redeeming miles, including tips on how to know what program and cards to use for each redemption

A more detailed section on credit cards, including added information for people with no or low credit

More ways to earn double or triple miles on your everyday spending (why get one point when you can learn how to get five!)

A new section on gift card and merchandise reselling to generate points and meet card minimum-spending requirements

How to use PayPal to pay your bills — and generate free points from it

How to fund bank accounts with your credit card — and generate free points from it

A more detailed resource list

A spreadsheet of the latest deals

More detailed, step-by-step breakdowns of all the information in the book and how to put it into practice

And a whole bunch more!

All that translates into over 30 pages of new content!

The book is still $29.99 and comes with a 180-day guarantee. I promise you’ll get at least one free flight through travel hacking, and if you don’t, I’ll give you a full refund! I’m that confident this stuff works. Here some of the successes other buyers had with the book:

Michael: “I bought the guide a few months ago and was able to book a one-way flight from New York to Saint Petersburg for 30,000 miles and $5.60! Matt lays out a great plan on finding the best card for you, how to use it to its full advantage, and quickly building up air miles. The easy explanations and layout take a potentially complicated topic and makes it easy to understand. I would gladly recommend it to anyone with the slightest desire to travel!”

Rusty: “Matt’s guide has unlocked a whole new way to travel. His book was an eye-opener — it explained the concept and language of travel hacking in a way that is easy to read and understand. Since buying his book six months ago, I have accumulated nearly 300,000 points. Now, I’m repeating the steps for my wife so we can have double the miles for our future trips!”

Lisa: “I always thought credit cards were bad, but after reading this book, I realized that they can actually work for you, not against you! After following Matt’s advice, I now have two free airline tickets to the US Virgin Islands and I am asking myself, why didn’t I start doing this years ago?! If you are dreaming of traveling more, this book is a must-read. I used to be a real skeptic, but I see that it really does work and it doesn’t ruin your credit!!!”

Jennifer: “Matt’s book was an eye-opener for us. We’d been slogging along, getting 1 point for $1 spent on an airline credit card, and we aren’t big spenders, so it seemed like getting enough miles for a trip would take forever. Well, three months after getting the book and using the techniques mentioned, we are planning a trip to Thailand with a free stopover in Tokyo! Thank you, Matt!

Cindy: Matt’s travel-hacking book was a great purchase. It was really informative and covered a lot of different aspects of travel hacking that we were not even aware of or thinking about. Matt explains everything very well and makes it really easy for readers to understand. Thanks to Matt’s book, we are on our way to getting a free flight to South America!

If you already bought a previous version of this book, an update link has already been sent to you! Yup, you also get free updates for life when you buy the book. It doesn’t matter when you buy it. If I make a new edition ten years from now, you’ll still get an update link!

Travel hacking isn’t about making you sign up for a lot of credit cards, creating extra work, or having you figure out complicated loyalty programs. This book will show you how, in just a few hours a week, you can turn your day-to-day spending into free travel and hotel stays for the rest of your life. So if you’re ready to stop spending a lot of money on your flights and start making your dream trips happen, you can order the book right now by clicking right here.

(Or, if you still want learn more about the book, you can click here for added information)

Either way, don’t leave free travel on the table. Don’t let fear, uncertainty, or disbelief keep you from learning this essential aspect of budget travel. Because when you travel hack, the world truly becomes your oyster, money is of no concern, and life offers seats, lounges, and meals like this:

There’s a lot of information on the web about travel hacking but information isn’t enough. You need to know how to distill it all and turn it into action. This guide does that. If you’re ready to stop spending money on flights and hotels, travel in comfort, and actually enjoy the flying experience, pick up this book today.

Because once you take money out of the equation, the world truly is your oyster.

– Matt P.S. – If you have any questions, send me an email at matt@nomadicmatt.com

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