#downloaded one two weeks ago. met a pretty cool guy that i talked to for a week

[n0heart]

.

[bleep-bleep-richie]

part one

part two

He's not panicking.

Just because he knows Eddie had court at 9am and they had plans to talk at lunch, and it's now 7pm and he still hasn't called.

Nope, definitely not panicking.

He isn't pacing the apartment either. No, he's just taking a leisurely stroll back and forth across his living room. There's just nothing good on TV. He isn't panicking, there's no reason to panic.

He had texted him at 1 and, after getting no answer, again at 5. He picks his phone up where he'd thrown it not even five minutes ago face down on the couch. He swipes his way to his messages.

Nothing.

He clicks "💖Edwardo💖" and scrolls through their messages from the last couple days. He sighs and clicks the text box.

Hey, I'm gonna stay up until I hear from you, so call me whenever.

He sends it and throws the phone to the side, collapsing against the back of his sofa. He picks up his laptop, clicks on the video chat app, and stares at the stupid picture Eddie had chosen as his icon. The edge of his mouth lifts in spite of the sick churning in his stomach. "Eddie fucking Kaspbrak," he mumbles with a shake of his head. He's still looking at Eddie's picture when he starts to doze off.

He has no idea how much time has gone by when he's woken up by the sound of a call coming through his computer. His vision's blurry, he pushes his glasses back up on his face, and sees Eddie's smile way too close to the camera. He accepts the call. "What the fuck, man?"

"Richie!" Eddie cries. "Did I wake you? You said you were staying up."

Richie stretches and yawns before picking the laptop up and putting it on his coffee table. "Guess I fell asleep." He narrows his eyes. "Where are you?"

"Out! With Matt!"

Richie wants to ask who the hell Matt is but the camera is on the guy before he gets the chance.

"Look, Matt, it's my boyfriend," he hears Eddie say, "the guy I was telling you about!"

Richie has a moment of disconnect. "Uh," he says cleverly.

Matt leans closer. "Wait, holy shit, you really are Richie Tozier." He grins. "When Eddie said he was dating a celebrity, I didn't believe him."

"Fuck you!"

"Uh, hi?" Richie says. He's still reeling from 'boyfriend' and 'dating.' "Sorry, who are you again?"

Eddie turns the phone back, his face swims into view unsteadily. "My new manager! I hired him last week, he's gonna manage the New York branch when I leave."

"Okay, you're screaming."

"I'm celebrating!" he yells, raising a glass. He knocks it back and drains it to prove his point.

It's loud, Richie can hear the sounds of other people talking and laughing. He guesses they're in a bar. "Can you go outside or something? I can barely hear you."

Eddie's nodding as he gets to his feet. "Shit, yeah, sorry," he says when he swallows. "Matt, I'll be right back."

"Take your time, boss. Nice to meet you, Mr. Tozier!"

Richie makes a face. "Did he just call me Mister Tozier?"

Eddie laughs. He leans against the cool bricks of the building once he gets outside. "Yeah, he's like that."

"So," Richie starts after a beat, "how'd it go?"

"Oh! We found a place!"

"A place?"

"Yeah, an office building," Eddie replies excitedly. "Matt found it on the computer. And! He put up an ad for people to email me their resumes. It was so much easier than I was making it, big shocker there, right."

Richie tilts his head for a second. "That's fantastic, Eds, but what about court?"

"Oh, oh! Richie!" Eddie's smile splits his face. "She signed the papers! She dropped everything she was asking for, a share in the company, all the alimony. She told me on the way out it's because she's already engaged, and all I could think was 'that poor schmuck." He laughs, open and cheerful. Richie doesn't know if he's ever seen him so happy.

"Wow, that's awesome. Congratulations."

Something in his voice must give him away. Eddie's eyes soften and his smile fades. "Oh, Rich, I'm so sorry. I was supposed to call. I was just so excited to get everything done, we worked right through lunch. I'm booking a flight to LA tomorrow. Richie, we're going to he together before the end of the week." His eyes are so bright and happy, Richie wants to drown himself in them.

"That's- Wow, Eds, that's amazing." He pauses. "You're amazing." Eddie's eyes start to water and Richie figures he must be way drunker than he's letting on. "Wait, how are you video chatting from your phone?"

Eddie blinks. "Oh, there's an app for it."

"Yes, I know there's an app for it. How in the hell did you know there was an app for it? The only app you have on your phone is a calculator."

"Matt downloaded it for me. I saw your text and mentioned I needed to call you, so he showed me how to do it."

"That's great," Richie says flatly. "Matt's great."

"Yeah, he really is a whiz at the technology stuff."

"That's what happens when you hire a 20 year old."

"He's 25." He considers Richie a moment. "Wait, what was that?"

"What was what?"

Eddie eyes him. "That tone was hostile and, like, jealous. Are you-"

"I'm definitely not jealous."

Eddie's eyes widen. "You're lying! That's your lying face!"

"I have a lying face?" Richie asks, raising his eyebrows.

"You do, and you're making it right now. Why would you be jealous of Matt?"

"I'm not!" he protests. He sighs. "I dunno, man, it's just like, the most important day of your life and that's who you're celebrating with."

"Richie," Eddie says. His voice is gentle, like trying to coax a wild animal into a cage. It makes Richie want to punch a wall at how ridiculously easy it is for Eddie to turn him to mush. "I would rather celebrate with you than anyone in the world. But, baby, you're not here."

Richie's mind short circuits so hard over the word 'baby' that it takes him a full 30 seconds to process the rest of that sentence. He scoffs a laugh, completely humorless. "Yeah, and whose fault is that?"

Eddie's face crumbles and he looks down and away from the camera, like he's ashamed. Like Richie is embarrassing him.

He instantly feels like a jackass. "I'm sorry, Eds, I'm not trying to rain on your parade. I was just worried, when you didn't call."

"I said I was sorry. I got busy."

"I texted you three times," Richie replies. He feels like a petulant housewife who spent all day cooking a dinner that her husband never came home to eat. He guesses that's exactly how he sounds, too.

Eddie turns his sad eyes on Richie. "I didn't even look at my phone until like fifteen minutes ago. I called as soon as I saw them."

"I know, I know." He shakes his head. "'I'm sorry, 'm being a dick."

Eddie smirks. "Imagine that."

Richie breathes out his nose and wills himself not to be angry. Always understanding, never upset. Always with a joke but never with a complaint. How he's been all year, all his life with Eddie, if he's honest with himself. Never too emotional or serious, just in case it overwhelms. "I'll let you get back. Just let me know when you book your flight, I'll clean the guest room."

"The guest room?" Eddie's face falls. "I have to sleep in my own room? You're that mad that I forgot to call?"

"No, it's not- I just didn't want to assume-"

"Or is it because I'm out with Matt?" Eddie continues like Richie hadn't even spoken. "Because I barely even know him, Rich. I was just in a good mood and we both needed to eat. It doesn't- I don't know if he's even gay."

Richie feels green. "He's cute," he says neutrally. "He's there. You're drunk."

"Richie."

He shakes his head, rubs his palms against the denim on his knees. "I know, I know. I'm being stupid because I miss you and I missed today and I- I'm sorry."

Eddie eyes go big and wistful. "I would never- Rich, I've spent the entire time since I've met him waxing poetic about you. Besides business shit, you're the only thing we've talked about. He's probably getting sick of it, honestly."

The sudden leap of his stomach makes him want to puke. "It's okay, Eds, you don't have to-"

"Richie," Eddie cuts him off. He pulls the phone closer to his face. "Richie, I'm crazy about you. You know, sometimes-" He laughs, blushes, glances away for a second. Richie wants to look at him forever. "Somtimes after we hang up, I jerk off to the memory of the sound of your voice. It's kind of pathetic. I'm completely gone on you, is the point I'm making."

"I-" he stops himself. He'd sworn at least a hundred times over the passed year that he wasn't going to say it until Eddie is in front of him. And he's going to keep that promise. "You're- you're everything, sweetheart. I- You know how I feel about you, don't you, Eddie?"

Eddie's smile is blinding. "Yeah, I think you waiting on me for almost a year while I got my shit together is a pretty big clue."

Richie grins back.

"I have to go settle the tab," Eddie says after a moment.

"You could call me," Richie tells him, "when you get back to your room. Jerk off to my actual voice, instead of the memory. I could say something worth jerking off to."

Pink rises on Eddie's cheekbones and flushes down onto his neck, right where Richie wants to bite him. "Thanks, now I have to go back in there at half mast."

"Oh, you are so very welcome. No need to thank me. The pleasure's all mine, really." The sad thing is, he isn't lying. Nothing gets him going faster than the mere idea that Eddie wants him. The evidence of it, the confession, has him rock hard in his pants already.

"You're insufferable."

"Insatiable, Edward. The word is insatiable."

Eddie rolls his eyes with a chuckle. "I'm going to call you in 45 minutes," he promises.

Richie nods. "I'll have my script ready. The never ending list of things I'd do to corrupt the pure and innocent Eddie Kaspbrak."

"Insufferable!" He pauses, still smiling even though he's griping. "45 minutes."

"I'll be here, Eds." He flushes with the honesty of it. "I'll always be here."

[voidaus]

Final Goodbyes

Summary: Your a Youtuber and in a stream you see this pen-pal app and download it, creating an account. This all happened months ago. The guy you met on there was amazing, and you talked for months until he just... stopped.

Genre: Angst?

warnings: swearing, fighting

Requested? No

Word count: 1402

I believe everyone deserves a second chance. No matter how difficult things are. No matter how ugly things got. But maybe sometimes, the problem is that I believe too much. Seeing good in every person, while of course, some people are just... not good.

But that's not how this story goes. No, he is good. I am a hundred percent sure of that. The question is, 'is he willing to change and show that side of him?'. I guess we won't find out if I don't reach out to him huh?

The grey laptop is on my couch, still warm from the last time I used it just an hour ago. Grabbing myself some hot chocolate I lay down on the soft pillows and pull my blanket up to my chest. Whilst finally deciding I'm comfortable in this position I grab the laptop again and open it, typing in my password. The device starts up, letting me in.

"miaow" a soft purring comes from the ground. My cat, Athena, jumps on the couch as soon as I pat it. "Hey there gorgeous" I greet her. The laptop dings, making it clear that it's ready to be used. I give it my full attention again. Should I really open Zaira?

Zaira is an online penpal app where you can anonymously make friends. I signed up about 2 years ago and never really managed to find someone I really hit it off with. You know, I just couldn't find the words to talk to any of the people who messaged me. My anxiety not really helping with making friends, of course, I thought meeting them online would be easier. I was wrong. 

No one understood me, which isn't really surprising. I'm a bookworm, but also a gamer. I have lots of hobbies but not quite the energy to pursue them. The only thing that still has me uploading videos and streaming is the money and my supporters. My supporters standing first on the list, of course. I upload mostly gaming videos under the name Void. I go faceless. I never really liked my appearance for that matter.

I hesitate but still open it. The familiar logo greets me and only a moment after that my only friend on the site shows up, bringing back memories.

Zaira? What's this? "An online penpal app where you can add strangers and make friends. Now free in the AppStore!" I read the description out loud for my viewers. "Should I download it guys?" I ask the live chat, hoping they would say yes. Soon enough I get the confirmation from them and I click the button, hoping it won't take too long to download. I create a profile typing in my bio: 'Bookworm, Gamer, Weeb :)' The chat confirms that that pretty much describes me making me laugh. "Perhaps we can actually meet some cool people on here guys! Who knows?""Alright." I scroll through the site, reading people's bios until one of them spots the fans' eyes. The comments are going crazy fast right now. "click them!""omg Void, you have to message Sasori!" and more comments like that. I click on the profile, reading it's bio. Their given name is Sasori Matsudo. I laugh, explaining to some of the viewers that don't watch anime that these are names from Naruto and Death Note. "I suggest you watch them. those are some good animes!".

I smile at the memories and click on his profile. "Sasori Matsudo" the name rolls off my tongue. I chuckle "not a weeb huh?" Slowly looking through the messages, the familiar empty feeling enters my body again. To be honest, it never left. Ever since the fight, it was always there, following my every step. I close my eyes, letting the painful memories flood in again.

"I just don't understand why you can't talk about it with me!" your voice is slightly raised as you hold the phone in your shaking hand. "Because I just can't, okay! I can't keep throwing all of my shit onto you. you know I could never do that!" The man you know as Corpse yells back. You're both stressed out and upset, and this is the worst fight you ever had. You had decided to message 'Sasori Matsudo' on Zaira, and you two grew close very quickly. After 4 months of chatting on the site, he gave you his number. Not long after, he told you That he's the famous Youtuber known as Corpse Husband. You began to watch his videos and enjoyed them a lot, telling him so. In the fifth month of you two knowing each other, You started to call each other once in a while. That turned into calling every day, and soon you were calling more than 4 hours a day.

Your voice softens at his upset tone, realizing you're not the only one hurt here. You give a deep sigh before talking into your phone again. "I'm always here for you Corpse. I don't care how many times you call me, even if it's in the middle of the night. You make me feel better, you make me happy, and I want to be there for you. Please don't shut me out like this." you're practically begging at this point. He can't shut you out! Not like this.

"Void... You know I love you. Please, keep doing what you're doing, keep making videos and baking, and all the little things I love about you. But I just can't continue doing this to you. I'm sorry." He speaks up. The low voice you adore so much is soft and trembling. He sounds like he could break down crying any time now. "No, please, Corpse! Please don't leav-"

your phone lets out a long beep cutting you off. Breaking down crying, you hurl your hand against your mouth, attempting to silence your sobs. On the other side of the line, the man with the curly black mop on his head is doing the same. Tears flow down both of your eyes as void fills your hearts.

It hurts, but he knows he had to do this. He was always troubling you with his feelings, and he couldn't even show you his face! What kind of friend is that? Loud sobs take over his apartment, as his heart hurts, knowing he can't talk to you again.

And he didn't.

You lay on the couch, clenching your blanket awfully hard. You don't notice the tears streaming down your face till Athena climbs onto your lap and licks them off. You cuddle her in an attempt to comfort yourself, as the dark feeling in your chest grows stronger. 

You open a new tab and type in his number. All the old messages show up. He probably blocked you, but you have to try. He wanted you to be happy, but then why did he leave you?!

After that night, he never messaged you again. Did he really not want to talk to you anymore? You ask yourself.

But all Corpse has been doing is lay in bed and upload videos once in a while. His followers noticed something is off, and so has his friends. He's acting off whenever he streams and rarely jokes around anymore. 

You text him a simple 'how are you' and close your laptop after. The next day you check if he's replied. Nothing. You keep checking for two weeks, but nothing comes in. It's over. He's not coming back. You begin sobbing and lift yourself from the couch, scaring a sleeping Athena. You jog to the kitchen and shove everything off the counter, breaking some cups and plates in the process. Sliding down against the sink, you put your face in your hands, letting out an ear-piercing scream. The weight of the world is crashing down on you, and all you can do is cry and scream. The daydream is finally over.

Corpse saw your message.  He's tried messaging you so many times, but each time he holds himself back. All he wants is to talk to you, but he knows he shouldn't. Well, that's what he believes is best. Every day he thinks about you, thinking that you have already forgotten him, though it's the opposite. You think about him every day, remembering all of the memories. 

All the laughs and all the cries. All the comforts, to final goodbyes.

Hey Guys! I hope you're okay after this lil angsty piece of crap lmao. I tried my best. Anyways, if you have any comments or feedback, I always appreciate it! Oh, and 200 notes on 'Grocery Shopping'?!!??? Y'all are crazy, thank you so much!

If you liked this, my taglist is always open and so are my requests!

@persephone-sideblog @reinyrei @cherry-piee @alienvarmint @divine-artemis @milanienne

[chemicallady]

Matching

Greg Sanders x Reader!

A/N: Hi everyone! Have you ever noticed that there are not enough Greg Sanders fanfiction in the world? I have looked for some for a while, but nothing. Now, stop complaining and let's have fun togheter, this is my first Greg Sanders x Reader! I hope you will like it! Besos! 

 Couple: Greg Sanders/Female!Reader 

Category: Fluff 

Content Warning: // 

 Summary:  this is the first time Greg tries to find love with an app. Who knows whohe  is gonna meet with a cyber matching?

  ***

Las Vegas, October 5th 2015 

The last month was rough for him. Many things had changed forever. Nick had resigned from the team, Sarah decided to take a break after a big promotion in order to restore her relationship with Grissom, Catherine is back to her position as the leader of the night shift. 

Russell is moving on with his life and Finn is gone. Forever. No matter how much his tried to save her life or they prayed for her, she is gone. 

Greg is not confortable with big changes. For the first time in forever he is feeling like he is flooting. Dr Robbins said that is normal, in a moment like this one, in which he has escaped the death again, to feel this way.

«Maybe you need a fresh new start.»

Everyone is starting something, whatever. Nick is a boss now, Sarah is happy with her ex husband and former director of the lab. Even Hodges is living the moment, with a new girlfriend. 

«He met her on a website», Henry said to Greg during a coffee break. 

He laughted, then he used this information against Hodges. 

«It isnt a website... I am not dating a russian wife!»

Greg smirked, «No more girls interested in your Visa after the italian one?»

«Shut the fuck up, Sanders. Nowdays is normal using dating app. You should try and stop wasting my time!»

****

He didnt download Tinder only because Hodges suggested it. 

Of course.

He decided to try the app only to dimostrate that is a poor life choice. 

But the amounth of time he have spent in looking at girls profiles is already too much to look credible. Furthermore, Lindsay have noticed him swapping girls away and she giggled amused. «You should try to go on a date. Dont tell my mom, but I met a guy once, on Tinder. He was really awsome, but he was a tourist. An advice, always take a loool if she is a resident!»

And he followed her suggestion, making the opposite. Just to have some fun. 

There are many people who only are in Vegas for having fun and even if was cool, meeting girls who only want a one night stand, after three or four date started to make him feel bored. 

He always talk a little about is job, fake interesting in the girl’s plan for her vacation and everything ending in the morning. 

So he decided to try something else. 

A serious date, for once. 

***

He is exploring your profile since the moment you two matched. He is fascinating by your (y/e/c) eyes in the profile picture. You look smart but gentle at the same time. No mention to the fact that even if you are linving in Vegas, you are from (you hometown/nation) and you are a PhD candidate in Archaelogy. 

You dont look like the other girls he met in the last period. You are a student, a really good one. You have a picture in front of Columbia University, which you attended for your MSc and graduated.

So you are not only smart, but really intelligent. 

You have those beautiful (y/h/c) hair and a gentle smile. 

So he picks all his courage and writes you a simple ‘hi’. 

You dont answer immediatly, even if you have read the message. So Greg closes the app with disappointed. Well. It’s proved. You cant find love in one of this app. 

He decides that is far better to start with the awfull pile of documents on the desk, before is too late. Or to early, depends by the point of view. 

*** 

He had finished with paperwork around 7 am and so he decided to go home.

In the moment he enters the living room, he feels so lonely. It’s happening quite often in the last period. He kicks his shoes away and sits on the sofa, taking a deep breath. With his eyes close, he starts to thing about the last serious date and its look like a century ago.

And it was a complete failure.

Everytime he fell for a girl is always the same old story. Firstly, amazing. Then a mess because of his job.

But he doesn't have to change is life only because he feels the emptiness of his house. He has worked so much to achieve this results and now...

Now? What he has? A good position in an horrible schedule shift. An amazing group of team mates - unfortunately Hodges is still working in the materials lab, but who cares- but no social life. No family. He is 40 now and he was looking for a 25 years girl.

So silly.

So stupid.

But what's is even silliest? Losing himself in those throughs instead of sleep. He has his shift starting at 11 pm, but he has the laudary to do. And he need to clean the apartment. Is full of dust.

****

After seven hours sleeping, he feels himself far more positive. It's around 2 pm when he wakes up and start with the laudary. He gets a look on the phone and answer to Morgan under a pic on facebook, than he notices that he has a new notification on Tinder.

He is so surprise when he realises that is you.

-who wrote 'hi' at 4.30 in the morning?-

He blushes a little, thinking about it. It was really early and he hasnt realised it.

-someone who is working at night...?-

The answer is not the best. But you are smart and you bring a good observation.

-like a hooker?-

He laught a little, rising his elbow.

-sorta. But not so well paid.-

Making fun of the hookers is not a good way to start a conversation, but someway, it works. You two share some messages and then you give your phone number to him.

You are free tomorrow for lunch, even if is unusual meeting someone with the sun in the sky, in Vegas.

And he is totaly down.

***

Is strange for you to go on a date with someone you don't know. But it is even strangest go for a lunch date. It's look so formal to you, but the guy in the profile pic looks potentially awsome. You have read from his description that he works for the Clark Country Police Department and this is a hot detail: you have a thing for cops.

You dressed nicely for the lunch inside The Venice's restaurant. Classy choice by the way. But not elegant because is 12 am. You also decide to go easy on your make up, because after this date you have to help in teaching a bacherlo class and you are hoping that you won't have enough time to change, after the meal.

So here we go.

In front of the restaurant.

You look around and see a figure a couple of meters away from you. He is pretty tall and with dark blonde hair. He is also well dressed, better then you, but not formal.

Your glazes meet in the middle of the atrium and you both smile embarrassed. He is the first one to move some steps near to you.

《Hi. You are (y/n)?》

《Yes. And you must be Greg.》

You shake his hand and then catch his invitation to enter in the restaurant first. The waiter reserved you a nice place on the balcony. The cannel is fake, not even similar to the Italian one, but is romantic.

One score for Greg.

《What would you like to eat?》, he asked so politely that you can't help yourself, but smile back.

《I thing I'll go with a sandwich for lunch》

《Nice choice, I am down. Wine?》

《Sorry, but I have a class in the afternoon...》

This time he is smiling. 《Then water for two.》

He is so kind. He decides to drink water because you can't drink wine. This is another score.

After you two have made your orders, it's time for questions.

《Do you usually meet people this way?》, je asks, nicely. Even if there is no accusation in the tune of his voice, you blush a little.

《It's not the first time, but I am still a skeptical, by the way.》

《Why?》

《Because I've met only morons on Tinder. 》 You try your best smile. 《Hope you are not one of them.》

《I share this hope with you》, he jokes. 《I am looking for your verdict at the end of the meal, so.》

You both laught. Is a nice company and the tension is going away.

《So you are a cop?》

《Not exactly. I work for the crime like as a crime scene investigator.》

You looked impressed. 《Sounds amazing but hard at the same time. I am asking to my self you an awsome guy like you is still single.... is for your job?》

This time is Greg the one who blushes. 《Yes is really... It takes most of my time. Someday all of my time.》

《I can relate》, you say. 《I am not cool as you are, I don't save people for live, neither I am good in puzzle but... I work on field so I spend several weeks abroad. Sometimes even a month or two and when I come back...》

《...You have the feeling that everyone is carries on with his life but you are static》 he ends your statement. 《Yes, you can relate, totaly.》

You two share a smile and then he starts to ask you some questiom about your job, your position at the UNLV and stuffs.

In the end, after a sweet fight, he insists to pay the meal, but you put on the table the tips.

《It was really nice 》, you say and he agrees. 《We should do that again. What's your spare night?》

《Monday》 he aswers, immediately 《If my boss wont tell me otherwise.》

《If you are agree, you can see eachother again on Monday, so.》

《It will be amazing.》

Another smile and a little silence. You have no idea of what to do now. Is too soon for a kiss, but an hand shake would be awful. So you decide to come closer to him and kiss his cheek. Is so cute the way he blushes again. Greg is near now and you can feel his breath on your lips. For him, is not too soon. He gently puts a hands on you hip and drag you into a soft kiss.

The best way to end a good date.

****

《So how is she?》

After two weeks dating, Greg decides to tell the guys about you.

Terrible idea.

《She is so nice!》 He starts excited, while Catherine is laught, shaking is head and look at David Philips in the classical 'told ya' way. 《She is beautiful and gentle. She is also tremendously determinate. More than anything, she is so intelligent and her smell is amazing.》

《She can cook?》, Super Dave asks, joking.

《Everything you can say, she can do it. Is incredible. She speaks like five languages and is so sexy in bed.》

《This information is not necessary 》 is Catherine's comment.

But Dave wants to prove a point now. 《....She speaks five languages in bed or it was not correlated?》

《Guys, we are on a crime scene.》

The two boys share a small smile and wait for Russell to be far enough. So Dave asks one last question. 《Are you only fancy her... or maybe you are already in love?》

Greg thinks about it for a couple of second. 《I am already fucked.》

Dave laughs, 《of couse you are.》

[pikablu410]

Mix Tapes

Monday

“Yo! Robert, wassup my guy!” A boy shouted as he walked up to the high school building. 

Robert turned around and saw his friend walking up, greeting him with a, “What’s good Darius?” 

The two slapped hands, shook and went back to talking to their friend circle for a bit before classes started. The group of guys typically talked about their school’s sports teams, as most of them were on at least one of the teams. They also talked about how much they disliked their school since all their teachers gave them tons of work, in addition to their other responsibilities as young adults. Today, however, the conversation took an unexpected turn.

“Did you guys hear about how Jakob blimped up last week?” One of their friends brought up.

“Yeah! He looks like a whale now!” Someone else joked. 

“It’s a shame. Coach said he was a good quarterback, but now he’s too big for the team.” Another commented.

While the group was never one for drama, this was news that seemed to fantastical to be true. Even still, there were photos of Jakob over the last week that saw him gain tons of pounds within days, even hundreds per day the bigger he got. It seemed impossible, but they were all looking at it so there had to be a way he got so big so fast.

On cue, Jakob walked into the school, trying to squeeze his body in between the school’s opening doorway. He had a shirt on the barely went over his gut, and his legs looked like they rubbed against each other with each step. He was like a fattened balloon of a boy! The group tried to hold back their laughter, but they couldn’t help but mock the fat boy’s misfortune. Eventually he got through, but not without making a ‘plop!’ sound as he did so. This caused even more of an outrage with the group, laughing so much they were told to quiet down by one of the teachers. 

The only one who didn’t seem to be enjoying the sight as much as the others was Darius, who just was chuckling awkwardly at the sight.

“Are you feeling alright, Darius?” One of the guys asked.

“Don’t tell me you feel bad for him? He got that fat because of his own mistakes, now he’s just facing the consequences.” Robert said. He didn’t really feel guilt for people who make dumb decisions, since he was typically a pretty pragmatic person.

“No, it’s just...other stuff. I have to go, though. I’ll see you guys after class.” Darius said, walking off from the group. 

If they group hadn’t immediately gone back to teasing the big boy, they would’ve noticed Darius walked off in the direction of Jakob. Not that it mattered, since Darius quickly hid himself and Jakob from the public view.

After classes had ended and school was out for the day, Robert was walking out to his car to drive home. He hadn’t seen Darius at lunch, but he just assumed he was busy with work. As he was walking to his car, though, heard his friend run up to him.

“Robert! Wait!” He shouted as Darius ran to catch up with his friend.

“Wassup?” Robert turned around, unplugging his earbuds to hear his friend.

“I made a mix tape for you. You were talking about how you were running out of artists to listen to, so I put some of my favorites on here that aren’t as popular.” Darius said, handing Robert a CD. “You can just download the songs off of that onto your phone. I made it so it’d be easy to move them from the CD to your phone.” He went on to explain.

“Thanks dude! I’ll download them all tonight.” Robert said. He was going to ask where Darius was at lunch, but his friend had already dashed off before he could ask. He could’ve sworn saw an overfed Jakob in Darius’s car, but he shrugged it off. Darius wouldn’t associate with people who don’t treat themselves well.

Once Robert was home, he went to his room go download the music Darius had given him. He loved music, and his friends were always spot-on with his taste. Music was a nice relaxation for Robert, as he was plenty stressed out from school, his part-time job and from his mother. Luckily, the store he worked at was closed for remodeling this week, so Robert was able to relax even more so while still getting paid! 

Regardless, right now Robert was focused on the music Darius had given him. He quickly put the CD in his laptop and plugged his phone in too, downloading the music onto his phone as fast as he could. Eager to hear the beats, Robert plugged his earbuds into his laptop and listened to the tracks while they downloaded onto his phone. 

As he expected, they were just his style. Darius was spot on in his friend’s taste; the rhythms were just his type, the rhymes, and the lyrics in general, were incredible and the beats were some of the best he had heard. He couldn’t stop listening to them! 

In fact, Robert went through the entire CD before realizing they had downloaded onto his phone some time ago. Not only that, but without the music playing he could hear his stomach grumbling to eat. He figured it had been a bit since he had started listening, but it actually hadn’t been more than an hour. He usually wasn’t this hungry so soon, but Robert couldn’t deny how starved he felt. He went downstairs to the kitchen to satisfy himself, grabbing a bag of chips and a water bottle. 

He turned on the TV and opened the bag of chips, grabbing a handful each time he went to feed himself. While Robert was eating, he realized he finished his water bottle quickly so he went to get himself another drink. Normally he would’ve just gotten more water, but he decided he would treat himself to a soda. One would hurt, right? He cracked open the can and started to drink it down, going back to the couch to munch on his chips as he did so. Robert felt completely relaxed, glad he didn’t have anything to stress about in the week ahead.

This stress free attitude caused Robert to eat the entire bag of chips, though, which caused him to worry a bit. “I’ll just eat less at dinner.” He thought to himself. But he still felt hungry, but he figured chips weren’t the most filling so it sorta made sense.

As if on cue, Robert’s mother walked through the front door and said, “I’m home! I’m thinking of making pasta for dinner!” 

Robert’s worries of eating too much were quickly pushed to the side. He loved his mother’s pasta, and he wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity to enjoy it! The cheese melted in his mouth, the sauce had the best spices in it, and the pasta blended well with all of the ingredients! It was like heaven on a plate, except in pasta form.

And Robert did overstuff himself with his mother’s pasta, struggling to get himself upstairs to go to bed. He hadn’t realized it was so late, or that he had spent his entire afternoon just eating, but the boy was so tired nothing else was that important to him. He washed up and then went to bed, whilst listening to the music Darius had offered him earlier that day.

Tuesday

Robert woke up feeling much better than he had last night, thanks to his stomach not being crammed full of pasta. He sat up, but noticed something off. His stomach seemed to puff out a bit more, whereas it was relatively flat yesterday. Robert maintained his fitness, since he played for his school’s basketball team. Though, he figured he could work this weight off in time for basketball season anyways, so he didn’t worry too much about it.

He got up and got a shower, and then went to go put his clothes on. As he did, Robert noticed his shirt looked a bit more snug around his stomach. He decided he would work the weight off after school was out, and then went downstairs to drive to school.

Robert arrived a bit late, so he wasn’t able to meet up with his friends in the morning. Luckily they were all able to meet up at lunch, which was a nice break from his classes. The group talked about the school again, as well as what happened to Jakbo too. Apparently he hadn’t shown up today, but everyone just figured he was too lazy to come to school given his weight.

The group got distracted on a topic, and Robert wasn’t too interested so he got on his phone. 

“How were the songs?” Darius asked, moving over to sit next to Robert.

“They were so good! You really know my tastes dude!” Robert graciously replied. The two went on to talk about the music, and how much Robert was into it. Both boys were interested in the conversation, but it seemed like Robert was doing more of the talking. 

After Robert’s gushing about the songs, Darius simply smiled and said, “I’m glad you like them so much.” 

Robert was about to continue on with the conversation with more music he had found, but Darius interrupted him as if he remembered something. “I’m free today after school for once. Would you want to go out to eat and hang out?” He asked.

“Yeah, sure dude. I’m not doing much anyways.” Robert replied, and he continued on with his conversation about music afterwards. The conversation continued as before, with Darius not saying much while Robert did most of the talking.

When classes were over and done with, Robert met Darius in the parking lot of the school. “Is it cool if I drive? I can drop you back off at your car.” Darius offered.

“Yeah, sure dude. That’s fine with me.” Robert happily agreed. It was less stress on him if he wasn’t driving anyways.

On the ride to the restaurant, Robert, again did most of the talking. Darius barely said anything besides, “Yeah.” “Me too.” and “I completely agree.” Robert wasn’t sure why he was talking so much, like he was trying to get on Darius’s good side. He didn’t stop himself, though, and just went on talking to his friend.

When Darius stopped, Robert looked at the building only to realize they were at a McDonald’s. 

Darius started to talk as he turned off the car, “Sorry it isn’t a nicer place. We can try to go somewhere else if-” 

“No! It’s, uh. It’s fine.” Robert blurted out. He didn’t expect himself to be so volatile, but Darius didn’t seem too bothered by it.

Robert didn’t have much time to worry about it, either, as he felt his stomach let out a huge growl as he got out of Darius’s car. He didn’t think he was that hungry, but his body was telling him otherwise. 

As the two entered the McDonald’s, Darius told Robert to sit down while he ordered. Robert didn’t seen a reason to object and got a table by the windows that had two seats. He waited for Darius to come sit down, which felt way longer than it actually was. Robert blamed his intense hunger, which had only gotten stronger since he had walked in, but somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was something else too.

After a minute or two, which felt like ten times that amount to Robert, Darius sat down across from Robert at the table.

“I thought you were hungry so I ordered a bit more for you. Hope that doesn’t mess up your diet too much.” Darius explained.

“Nah dude, it’s fine. I’m just glad we’re both free so we can hang out.” Robert said, before going on another long talk again. He didn’t even notice that he talked until their order was ready, but Darius was soon up and at the register again to get their food.

Robert’s stomach nearly roared as Darius came back with their order. Darius had gotten a chicken sandwich and iced tea for himself, while the rest of the tray was Robert’s food. It actually looked like a meal for 4 or 5 people, despite Darius’s light meal choice. Darius had gotten Robert 8 extra large Big Mac meals, since there was a buy 1 get 1 free deal on them. They included a Big Mac, an extra large fry and a large soda, all of which wreaked of calories. Despite the greasy mess the tray held, once Darius sat it down Robert dug in with gusto. He couldn’t contain his hunger any longer, and grabbed a Big Mac in each hand, taking alternating bites out of each sandwich.

Meanwhile, Darius too small bites out of his sandwich, watching Robert pig out on his order. He had never seen Robert so ravenous, as he was usually a collected guy. He decided this would be a moment to remember, and ate his sandwich while taking in the scene of his friend.

Surprisingly, not so to Darius, Robert finished all his food in record time. I had barely been 10 minutes before he had hogged down the meals that would’ve served a family. Darius, who wasn’t even halfway through his sandwich, smiled as he saw his friend sit back and take a break from eating. It wasn’t a long respite, however, as Robert’s stomach let out a monstrous growl soon after.

“I can go order more if you want, dude. No big deal to me.” Darius offered, hearing his friend’s hunger. 

Robert would normally object, since he didn’t like being handed stuff for free, but decided that now wasn’t a time to hold his values in high regard. Darius had even left before he could object, so there wasn’t much point anyways.

Once again, Darius came back with a tray full of food that looked like it was for a party. This time he had ordered 10 extra large Big Mac meals, hoping this would be enough to satiate his friend. And, once again, Robert downed them all like a starved creature. 

This time, however, Darius finished his sandwich before Robert had finished, leaving him free to help sooner rather than later. Once more, Darius came back with 14 extra large Big Mac meals.

“I thought you’d be hungry still, considering how much you’ve eaten.” Darius chuckled, setting the heavy tray down. Robert was going to say something about eating so much fast food, but his stomach let out another growl to prevent him from doing so. 

Once Robert downed these 14 meals his stomach seemed satisfied. However, the boy was exhausted and didn’t feel like he could move at all. His stomach was so bloated it lifted his shirt up to his bellybutton, where it was comfortably loose before. 

Darius decided to help his friend out and pulled a chair up next to Robert. He then put his hand on Robert’s bloated belly and started rubbing. Robert was a bit weirded out at first, but the sensation was so good he didn’t want Darius to stop. It also helped relieve the pain, which allowed him a bit more mobility. 

Soon enough, Robert felt comfortable enough to get up and go to Darius’s car. He drove slowly to keep Robert from feeling sick, but eventually Robert felt good enough that Darius could drive at a typical speed. 

“You sure you’ll be fine?” Darius asked, dropping Robert off at his house. 

“Yeah, I think I’m even starting to feel a bit hungry again!” Robert joked, but he was a bit serious. He was starting to feel like he had to eat something now.

Darius just laughed it off, though, and said, “If you need anything let me know.” And with that, Robert was back home and just in time for dinner. 

Robert’s mom had ordered takeout, since she was too tired to cook anything that day. Normally Robert would never eat fast food right after a huge fast food binge, but he normally wouldn’t have had a fast food binge in the first place. He didn’t question his appetite and stuffed his gullet some more, almost to the point he did at McDonald’s. In fact, he might’ve overdone it compared to McDonald’s!

Robert felt incredibly tired after eating so much, though, so he decided to go to bed early to rest off all the eating. As he was thinking about tomorrow, he suddenly remembered his car was still in the school parking lot! He hoped it hadn’t gotten towed yet, but he had no other way to get to school now, since his mom went to work before he even got up. Robert decided to text Darius about it, since he was so helpful earlier.

Darius was completely okay with helping Robert out, and even said he’d help for the rest of the week if Robert couldn’t get his car back. Robert felt a sensation under his bloated belly about Darius’s willingness to help, but brushed it off as him being tired. He had had a weird day anyways, so he put his headphones on and went to bed, hoping tomorrow would be better.

Wednesday

When Robert woke up he felt groggy. He didn’t want to move, and when he tried to he didn’t feel very mobile. Sitting up felt like a bit of a challenge, but he wasn’t sure why. His first thought was all the food, but he didn’t feel bloated. In fact, he actually felt heavier all around, not just in his gut.

Once he started to wake up a bit more, Robert realized what was going on. He had actually gotten fatter overnight! He looked in his bedroom mirror, and analyzed himself. His belly was hanging over his pants and lifting his shirt halfway up. His pants felt uncomfortably tight, and he also noticed his face was rounded out. If he looked down a little, he had a second chin showing.

Robert was about to panic and freak out about going to school like this, but when he placed his hand on his belly he...sorta liked it. He wasn’t sure why, but it had a nice feeling. A stirring in his pants also signified this, but Robert ignored that for the time being. 

He went to go get a shower, where he felt the water run on the new curves of his body, which caused Robert to admire his body even more. He then went to eat breakfast, downing two bowls of cereal and half a gallon of milk before Darius arrived to pick him up. Darius didn’t say much about Robert’s tight clothes, which had been incredibly loose on him prior to this. They were the only thing that kept his entire stomach hidden, so he didn’t have much of a choice in what he wore.

Classes seemed to go by normally, though Robert did get more stares from people in the hallways. His group of friends seemed less eager to talk to him as well, except for Darius who Robert talked to for the entire lunch period. Robert wasn’t sure why, but he was enjoying his conversations with Darius a lot more than he had before. 

“Hey, do you wanna go back to McDonald’s today after school? I really liked the last time we were there.” Darius offered.

Robert was elated, and immediately said, “Yeah, of course!” He was eager to hang out with Darius at any opportunity he had, plus he was feeling a bit peckish already, despite eating all of his own and Darius’s lunches.

Classes after lunch came and went, with Robert only thinking about going to McDonald’s with Darius. He was finding himself more tired than usual, and he wasn’t even doing anything he’d consider intense. Walking around just seemed like a more difficult task, which was starting to take a toll on Robert. He just wanted to eat and hang out with Darius.

Once the school day had ended, Robert eagerly walked to Darius’s car, where Darius was waiting for him. They drove to McDonald’s, with Robert doing most of the talking, along with his belly which let out loud growls of hunger. Neither boy seemed too surprised by it, even though Robert had essentially been snacking all day. Darius had given him some chips and other snacks from vending machines around the school to keep his hunger at bay, but they didn’t seem to affect much.

When the boys arrived at the McDonald’s, Robert eagerly hurried out of the car to the front door of the restaurant, Darius following behind him. They sat at a booth this time, which surprisingly left room for Robert’s belly so he wasn’t uncomfortable. Robert stayed at the booth while Darius went to get the food, again at Darius’s desire. 

He returned with 14 extra large Big Mac meals, since the sale was still going on, and a grilled chicken salad for himself. Once he set the tray down, Robert immediately grabbed one of the cardboard boxes, ripped it open and attacked the burger. It tasted delicious despite being a greasy sandwich with little thought or preparation put into making it, and Robert finished it within a minute. He downed the accompanying fries and soda before moving on to the next burger. Darius smiled at the turn of events, delicately eating his salad and his friend bored his way through his 14 meals. 

Robert finished before Darius had even gotten halfway through his salad, letting out a huge belch when he was done with the last soda.

“I guess your appetite hasn’t changed much from yesterday.” Darius joked before getting up and ordering more food for Robert. 

This continued for some time, with Darius’s orders for Robert increasing each time. From 18 meals, to 20 meals to eventually 24 meals, Darius didn’t stop until Robert felt satisfied. 

Robert let out a huge belch, and then said, “Oh man, that stuff is so good!” He rubbed his bloated stomach, hoping to settle it down so he could eat some more. He didn’t think about why he wanted to eat more, he just wanted to.

“You sure you’re full? I can go get more food if you want.” Darius offered, sitting next to Robert to help soothe his belly. Robert just let out a relaxed moan, not bothered by what he would do next.

“Let’s go get ice cream. I’m in the mood for some.” Darius said, and almost immediately after Robert said, “Yeah, sure!”

Once the two arrived at the ice cream parlor, which was just outside of town, Darius ordered ice cream cones for him and Robert. He took them back to the car and handed Robert his much larger cone, while he started on his own. 

Despite gorging on tons of fast food earlier, Robert digs through his cone like he’s starved. Darius goes back to get more ice cream, but this time gets a sundae for Robert.

“You know, your new appetite suits you.” Darius started as he gave Robert his sundae, “You’re so relaxed, enjoying yourself and you seem happier than I’ve ever seen you before.” 

Robert down his sundae, listening to Darius as he did so. “Plus...it’s kinda cute.” Darius started again, but this time Robert’s interest was especially piqued. “You just let go and don’t care. I really like that. And all this extra weight, it’s doing wonders for you body.” Darius said as he got closer to Robert.

Robert felt an incredible sensation under his stuffed belly, feeling his tool rub against the bloated form. He had to hold himself back as Darius planted a quick kiss on his cheek, nearly losing all etiquette in the moment. 

“I’d love for you to just keep eating with me and growing. Would you want that, too? At least for me?” Darius pleaded. 

“Yes! Yes, I’ll do it!” Robert nearly moaned out.

Darius smirked. He had Robert right were he wanted him. 

Shortly after, and a few sundaes later, Darius was driving Robert home. He had eaten tons today, more than anyone could ever expect any person to eat. They said their goodbyes, though a bit more compassionate this time, and Robert went to his room.

His erection had been nagging him for some time now, so he decided the first thing he would do is relieve himself. He took off all his clothes, not like they fit well anyways, and got to work. As he was pleasuring himself, Robert started to feel up his bigger body. He was starting to like--no, love--the feeling. He squished his moobs, which almost fit perfectly in his hand. He rubbed his hand across his bloated gut, releasing moans of pleasure as he did so. He felt his chubby thighs and butt, realizing how big he had gotten there as well. 

All of this was too much for Robert, and before he knew it he felt a wave of pleasure as he came. The sensation was too much for him to bear, and he fell asleep right then and there, forgetting about a shower or other hygienics in his nightly routine.

Thursday

Robert started to wake up, but he didn’t really want to get out of bed. He didn’t feel like he had the energy to get up, but if he did he felt too lazy to want to get up. His eyes groggily opened and closed, adjusting to the sunlight coming in from his window. 

The sunlight was annoying, and it was enough so to make Robert want to get up and close the blinds. When he went to get up, though, he barely felt himself sit upright. Robert went to look down to see what the problem was, but even that was difficult. In fact, he still felt like he was half asleep with how difficult it was to see. He tried rolling over to get out of bed and landed on the floor with a heavy thump.

He pushed himself up, though still not without difficulties, and went to his bedroom mirror to see what the problem was. Though, once Robert saw his reflection he knew it wasn’t an issue, but something great!

Robert didn’t fit in his bedroom mirror, but he could tell he had gotten much bigger over night. He could see his face was much chubbier and his body was bigger, but he couldn’t see many specific details about his body. So, he decided to go to the bathroom which had a larger mirror.

Robert waddled his way to the bathroom, getting more and more turned on with each step, feeling his flab jiggle from such slight movements. Once he was able to see his reflection, Robert was at full mast. He’d take care of himself then and there, but he was too busy admiring his new body.

His belly looked to be as wide as three men and it sank down to his thighs, almost covering his knees. Sitting above his belly were his moobs, which looked to be the size of melons. His nipples had also expanded and were pretty sensitive now, which Robert also loved. Turning to his side, Robert saw how far how his belly went out. It had to be more than a foot in length, but his focus quickly turned to his thighs which looked just as large! They were covered in cellulite, jiggling whenever Robert took a step. Robert then turned around and got a look at his huge ass. Each cheek looked to be two or three times the size of one of his moobs, and they looked just a jiggly as his thighs did!

As he admired his form in the bathroom mirror, Robert got an idea and waddled back to his room for his phone. He then went back into the bathroom and sat on the counter, his belly face away from the mirror. Robert then took a selfie where he was facing the mirror, getting his huge butt cheeks and rolls of back fat in the image.

Quickly afterwards, Robert text Darius the picture saying, “You like how big I’ve grown? 😉”

A few seconds later, Darius text Robert back, “🥵🥵🥵 Damn baby! You’re looking so sexy, but you need to get bigger.”

Robert wanted to get bigger, too. He knew he had to eat tons, and even that thought turned him on. He decided to go get dressed and head downstairs, completely forgetting about getting a shower. Robert put on a muscle shirt, which was the thing that covered his belly the most. He also put on some gym shorts that had been too big for him a month ago. Now, they completely showed off how fat his ass was, as well as how thick his thighs were.

Waddling downstairs nearly out of breath, Robert saw his mother had bought donuts, as there was a box of donuts left out. There were only 11 left, but Robert was glad there was tasty food at home at all! He started stuffing the donuts into his mouth, getting chocolate and icing all over his face and shirt. Halfway through the donuts he realized he didn’t have a drink, so Robert opened the refrigerator and pulled out a gallon of milk, drinking directly from that. He got some milk on his face that trickled down his fat body, but he was too busy eating to notice.

A few minutes later all the donuts and milk had been consumed, leaving Robert full and ready for Darius to come pick him up. As he was relaxing, he let out a deep belch just as he heard Darius beep his horn to tell Robert he was outside. Robert then waddled outside to Darius’s car, grabbing his bookbag as he left.

Once he was in Darius’s car, Darius brought him in for a long kiss, rubbing Robert’s belly as he did so. Robert and Darius talked about how big Robert had gotten on the way to school, as well as how Robert would grow bigger eventually.

Robert didn’t think of much besides himself growing bigger or Darius for the rest of the day. He didn’t pay attention in classes, trying to eat the snacks Darius had given him that morning. Once lunch rolled around, Robert couldn’t wait to see Darius.

The two met up with their usual group, but they had been distancing themselves from Robert that week. Not that Robert cared, so long as he had Darius. Darius had brought bags of fast food to lunch, and he intended to stuff all of it into Robert. As he started to do so, though, Robert was letting out moans and groans of discomfort.

“What’s wrong, Robert?” Darius asked, not wanting to blow their cover and call Robert his significant other in public.

“I...I can reach below my belly. But I’m so horny!” Robert whined, trying to stretch his fat sausage of an arm below his gut to relieve himself.

Darius smirked seeing the situation, and said, “Here, feed yourself for a bit. I’ll help you out.”

He then reached under Robert’s belly, groping Robert’s fat as he did so. Robert let out pleasureful moans the entire time, even before Darius grabbed his dick. When Darius found what he wanted, though, Robert’s moans only became louder and more frequent. They were almost starting to annoy their group of friends. Not like they cared, though.

As Darius jerked Robert off, Robert went into overdrive when eating. He finished all of the fast food, as well as his school lunch. Shortly after he finished his food, Robert finally released, with Darius rubbing Robert’s huge gut as he let out exasperated breaths. 

“I...I’ve been trying to...do that all morning...thanks babe.” Robert panted, Darius just smiling as Robert was completely infatuated with him.

“What do you say we go out to eat right now. Skip the rest of our classes.” Darius suggested. He knew what Robert would say. Even before all of this, Robert was never one to say no to skipping class.

“Hell yeah! I’m still so hungry!” Robert groaned as he belly let out a big grumble.

And so the two went to McDonald’s. And the ice cream parlor. And a new buffet in town. And all of the buffets in town, in fact. Darius had driven Robert to nearly every greasy fast food place in town, and he ate all of them out. Well, the buffets had to completely refresh their stock, at least. And the ice cream parlor had to wait for their new shipment of food. McDonald’s too.

Regardless, Robert was an eating machine, and he was only full after cleaning out a few establishment’s worth of food. 

“You wanna come back to my place? I can make some stuff for you to eat since you ate all the food from all the places in town.” Darius offered, laughing at Robert’s gluttony.

The stuffed boy let out a huge belch before replying. “That sounds great! I’m always down to eat more!” 

Robert’s binge streak had caused him to act more like a slob, what with all the food being shoved in his face constantly. His shirt looked more like a dirty rag now, and his face was almost always covered with foot bits and sauces. He also let out more belches, and even some farts, but he didn’t seem to care that it disturb other people. Darius was fine with it, so why should he care?

Once the two arrived at Darius’s house, Darius had to help Robert out of the car. He could feel Darius’s hard abs against his flab, and got turned on by the sensation. He wanted more of that sensation, and decided getting fatter would be the best way to get more pleasure like that.

Darius helped Robert waddle inside before sitting him down at a table just outside the kitchen. It wasn’t big enough to be a dining room table, but it had a few seats around it and was big enough to have food on it which is all Robert cared about.

A few moments later, Darius came into the room with a cake and some platters of other treats. Donuts, brownies, pastries; all laid out for Robert to eat. Of course, Robert immediately started stuffing his face with the food, not bothering to make sure all of it got in his mouth. He even grabbed hunks of cakes with his bare hands, too concerned with devouring it to care about how clean he was.

It wasn’t surprising that he finished all the treats within 10 minutes, letting out a big belch afterwards to give himself more room to eat. Darius wasn’t letting up either, bringing out 2 large pizzas and some chicken wings, both of which dripped with grease. Robert tore into them, too, getting grease all over his body since his shirt had stretched up to make room for his belly. Robert’s pants had snapped off too, but he was so big his privates were hidden. It did let him show off his huge ass, though.

This cycle continued, Darius bringing out his seemingly endless amounts of delicious foods constantly. Even Robert was surprised, since he had eaten out a few buffets in town. However, he was no match for Darius and felt stuffed a few hours after arriving home with him. He let out an enormous fart, jiggling his body, once he was done.

“You ate quiet a lot fat boy.” Darius giggled, jiggling Robert’s huge thigh.

“Yeah...I was...*pant*...hungry.” Robert goofily smiled. He wanted to eat more, but he knew there wasn’t any room in his gut for that.

“Let’s get you upstairs. Tomorrow’s gonna be a big day, too.” Darius whispered, exciting Robert. The big boy was too tired to think about it too much, though, so he lazily fell onto Darius’s bed once the hunk got him there. Shortly after, he felt Darius’s arms wrap around him and fall asleep shortly afterwards. He barely even noticed the headphones go on his head.

“Sleep well, baby.” Darius started, rubbing and fondling Robert’s fat, “I know you’ll love these extra special mix tapes I prepared for you.”

Friday

Robert woke up, feeling a heaviness push down on him. Instead of worrying him, however, it made his dick stand at full attention. He tried moving, but only brought ripples throughout his body. He knew he had gotten fat, but now Robert realized he was huge. He couldn’t wait for Darius to see him, though!

He tried turning to his side to see his boyfriend, but he could barely see over his chins of fat. With enough force and desire, though, he was able to flip over to his side only to see Darius wasn’t in bed with him. He was going to try and get up to see where his boyfriend had went, but his venture was shortly stopped when he hear a voice.

“Oh, you’re finally up!” Darius cheered.

Robert couldn’t see him well, but he could smell that he had food. Darius set his platters down and sat Robert up. His belly pooled out in front of him, showing off his many rolls of fat. His moobs sagged on his sides, chafing his meats sacks of arms a bit. His thighs were as thick as he was on Wednesday, and his butt cheeks were each the size of 5 basketballs.

Now that he was sitting up, Robert could see that Darius was also naked, except for his underwear. He could now admire Darius’s muscled body, including his abs he had felt yesterday. Robert was too enthralled and turned on to question Darius feeding him breakfast food from the platters he had set down. Not that he minded, since he was hungry anyways.

Donuts, bagels, pancakes, waffles, bacon and even cereal were fed to Robert, who was too big to comfortably feed himself. Though, since Darius had to press his hard Adonis body against Robert’s flabby fat, Robert didn’t mind at all.

Once Robert finished all the breakfast food, though, Darius left for a bit and came back up with lunch. Burgers replaced pancakes, pasta replaced donuts, wings replace bacon and more fattening foods were brought into Darius’s room, which had become Robert’s personal diner now. The boy got grease all over himself, distracting him from the fact he felt sweatier. It didn’t cover his gassiness, though, which had increased two-fold from yesterday. Darius didn’t mind the extra gas, and Robert loved the feeling whenever he let out a big belch or a fart, so he just kept them coming.

Soon, or at least soon to Robert, Darius had left again and Robert assumed lunch was over. However, Darius came up with more food and placed in down again.

“Hope you’re ready for your midday dessert.” Darius winked before grabbing ahold of Robert and flipping him on his belly. Darius then set the platter of food, which consistent of a amalgamation of what he was set earlier, right in front of Robert’s face. Robert knew what he was supposed to do and shoved his face into the unhealthy food.

As Robert dug in, Darius stripped himself of his only piece of clothing, that being his underwear. He then got on the bed and guided himself on top of Robert. Robert felt this, and his dick immediately got hard again. That didn’t stop him from eating, though, and decided not to question Darius about what was happening. 

Shortly after, Darius took his own hardness and shoved it in between Robert’s huge ass cheeks. It took him a bit to find what he was looking for, but a yelp from Robert signaled he found what he wanted. Then, he started to fuck the fat boy, moaning in pleasure as his week’s worth of work paid off. 

“Damn baby, you’re so massive!” Darius enforced, as well as remarked. He loved how huge Robert had gotten, and he knew Robert loved it too, whether it be his own love or his desire to impress Darius.

Shortly after, Darius released and came into Robert, who also let out an orgasmic moan from. The fatty released shortly after as well, continuing to stuff his face as Darius left more food out for him. Though, he passed out once there wasn’t any food left for him to eat.

Darius admired his new pig and laughed. He was eager to see what would come of Robert.

Saturday (Epilogue)

An iron door creaked as the manipulator walked down the stairs. It was dark, though not quiet. A muffled moaning sound could be heard, as could the sound of large mass squishing and moving. The smell was also atrocious, as if someone had brought back the stench of a restaurant’s bathroom to the place. To anyone else, it would be repulsive, but to this puppeteer ti was delightful.

He turned the lights on, slowly walking over to one of his latest projects. It looked like a mass amount of clay had conglomerated into sweaty, smelly pile. Though, the master really knew what it was.

“Jakob, I’m glad to see you’re enjoying yourself!” Darius said, jiggling the form in front of him. 

The machinery under the blob shifted, giving it a slightly more human form. Or, at least, a human face. The blob let out a pleased moan, all it could do with the tube of lard in its mouth.

“I know you’re getting a bit lonely down here, but don’t worry. You’ll have a friend to play with soon enough!” Darius encouraged the blob, hearing it let out a huge fart that made the form jiggle for a good minute. 

Darius smiled as the blob got more and more excited. He pushed a button and heard its excited sounds grow louder and louder before slowly quieting down and ceasing. 

“Aren’t you glad I’m letting you enjoy yourself? Where else can you just be my lazy, horny boyfriend?” Darius asked the blob.

It let out pleasureful moans again, before Darius hit the button once more and caused the moans to get louder again. Once again, they slowed down before silencing and Darius saw the results of that go up a tube and into the room over.

“And just you wait. There’s going to be so many friends you’ll meet, Jakob.” Darius said devilishly. “I can’t wait for you to meet them all!” 

[path-of-my-childhood]

Collect Call From... TAYLOR SWIFT

Blender Magazine (final, unpublished issue from May 2009) // By Josh Eells

Each month, one lucky rock star phones Blender HQ for seven days straight, just to, you know, share. Now on the line: country-pop princess.

DAY 1: FEBRUARY 24th, 3:51 pm

Swift calls from Nashville, where she lives with her parents and younger brother. “I’m so happy to be home! I’ve been in Europe for two weeks. I got back two nights ago and spent half of yesterday sleeping. This is my only week off for months, but I categorize vacations differently than most people. I don’t care if I’m doing interviews from when I wake up till I go to sleep, as long as l’m in my own bed, that’s a day off.  This morning I went to some of the radio stations in town, said hi to program directors. Then I met with my stylist - we talked about tour outfits. And now I’m getting dressed for my brother Austin’s lacrosse game. He plays goalie - this is his first game as starter. His friends used to tease him about me, but now he's six two and built. I don’t think they make jokes anymore.”

DAY 2: FEBRUARY 25th, 4:14 pm

Swift phones from home, where she’s “lounging on the couch under a quilt” and playing with her dogs, Baby (a Doberman) and Bug (a mini Pinscher). “Austin did great! His team won, and he kept a bunch of balls out of the goal. Afterwards I went with my friend Emily to a Nashville Predators game. I did a commercial for them, so they hook me up with tickets when I’m in town. There’s a couple of cute guys, but I think they’re all married. I totally cheer and do the fang-finger thing. Last night they put me on the JumboTron, and you could literally see the wave of people getting up to come over. I’m still getting used to the fact that being stared at is part of my day - in high school it meant I had something on my face. The fact that my albums has been No. 1 for 10 weeks - it’s unbelievable. But this week looks a little questionable: The Jonas Brothers have an album out, too. Hmm.”

DAY 3: FEBRUARY 26th, 5:30 pm

Swift dials in from the road In Nashville, where she’s stuck In rush-hour traffic. "I just shot a video with my friend Kellie [Pickier] for a song we wrote together. It’s about ex-boyfriends. In the video I am kind of her trouble-making sidekick - I wore this strapless studded dress with a zipper up the front. The whole day I was afraid someone was gonna walk by and unzip me. It would have taken half a second to ruin my day. Oh, my God, last night I fell asleep on the couch watching CSI: NY. I was out at like 7, but at some point I dragged myself to bed, and apparently in my haze I turned the heat up to 95! I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, with my poor cat lying on the floor panting. I made myself an ice bath and called my friend Emma in LA - she was in Superbad - and she kept me company for two hours while I cooled down.”

DAY 4: FEBRUARY 27th, 4:37 pm

Swift rings from the music room at her house, where she’s teaching herself how to play piano. “I’m still not caught up from my jet lag. Today I woke up at 5:30, ate same cereal and fell back asleep on the couch. I didn’t sleep long though, because we had rehearsal this morning. Kenny Chesney was rehearsing next door, so we chatted for a bit. Nashville is a really small town. I still live with my parents because I’m never home long enough to move out. And I don’t go to bars, because I’m 19 and scared of breaking rules. Besides Kellie and my best friend Abigail, who moved to Kansas, most of my friends are in LA. And boys aren’t even an issue right now. I categorize guys as “talking”, “nominees” - people you feel like you could someday date - and “dating”. Right now I don’t even have nominees. I don’t even have potential future nominees! But I’m used to being single. Before my last relationship [with Joe Jonas] I was single for like two years. It’s sort of my thing.”

DAY 5: FEBRUARY 28th, 12:50 pm

Swift checks in from her mom’s car with some medical news. “So, I’m driving to the doctors office. I burned my face with a curling iron! Don’t worry, I’m fine - I’ll call you after we’re done. [She phones a few hours later.] OK. What happened was, I woke up at 6 am and decided to curl my hair. I guess l was still asleep, because I slipped and burned my face under my right eye. It hurt really bad, but I didn’t think much of it. I edited and uploaded a MySpace video - unhindered by the fact that my face was melting off - and went downstairs, and my dad was like, ‘Oh, my God!’ I guess it was worse than I realized. So we went to the dermatologist. She gave me a prescription for some burn cream - I’m not sure what it is, but it has a lot of syllables. The good news is I’m expected to make a full recovery.”

DAY 6: MARCH 1st, 10:03 pm

Swift phones from Plant City, Florida, where she lust performed at the world famous Florida Strawberry Festival. “This place is strawberry city! When we landed, there were official Strawberry Festival minivans waiting to pick us up, driven by people in strawberry shirts. In the dressing room there were bushels of the most beautiful, gigantic chocolate covered strawberries I’ve ever seen. It’s like they welded three together! And this afternoon I met the Strawberry Festival Queen and her court. They were dressed in red and looked very sparkly. It was cold for Florida, like 55 and rainy, but everybody bundled up and had a great time. Afterward we had a police escort, which always makes you feel cool, and we’re taking a private jet, which is even cooler. On the way to the airport all these kids were trying to hurl themselves on our car - it was pretty frantic for a second. But thankfully no one got hurt. That’s why it was cool.”

DAY 7: MARCH 2nd, 12:50 pm

On her last day at home, Swift calls from her favorite couch, where she’s enjoying the view of Old Hickory Lake. “It’s freezing in Tennessee! It’s like 29 degrees, and I’m sitting here packing sundresses and flip-flops for two weeks in Australia. That and downloading movies for the 20,000-hour flight I’m about to embark on. I have three goals for this trip. One, get a tan. Two, go to the beach. And three, debut my new summer wardrobe. Oh, and four, play some good shows and make an impact on Australia! Ha. I don’t go into most situations thinking I’m going to win. I’ve never even won a raffle. These blessings I’ve had lately are more amazing than I could have ever imagined. We got the new projections today, and It’s looking like we’re going to be No.1 again. Does it feel a little sweeter this week? [Laughs] Yeah - just a little.”

[nialledfromfics]

The Dating Game | Chapter One 

~~

8:37. 

He was already thirty seven minutes late. Her fingers lightly tapped at the veneered mahogany bar top, the ice in her drink having nearly turned to water in the bottom of her empty glass as she picked up her phone to check the time once more. 8:38. 

Slumping her shoulders in a soft sigh, she reached up to tuck a few strands of her red hair behind her ear as her narrowed stare drifted around the semi-full bar area of the restaurant. She carefully inspected each lonesome male guest one last time, hoping that maybe she had just overlooked the man she was there to meet. Her teeth scraped incredulously along her bottom lip, her back straightening slightly as she attempted to peer over the heads of seated patrons, though it was becoming increasingly obvious by the second that she may have been stood up.  

“Are ya waitin’ for someone?” 

The low voice startled her at first, but she just casually chuckled and glanced down at her phone. “Yeah...uh, a blind date actually,” she spoke up, tapping at her phone screen to check the time. 8:42. She rolled her eyes and gently peered over towards the stranger that was standing a few feet from her left, who she, for a moment, thought maybe could be her date. Her hazelnut eyes caught his bright blue ones before she noticed the soft sweep of his chestnut brown hair laying across his forehead and the rugged stubble of his beard adorning his jaw, and she, for a moment, almost wished he was her date. “He’s almost forty five minutes late already, pretty sure that’s not a good sign.” 

The guy laughed; the roaring sound resonating right through her as she watched small crinkles form by the corners of his eyes. His infectious smile was lighting up his entire face. It made her smile too. “Probably not, no.” 

His voice was deep, gritty almost and riddled with an Irish rogue that she was certain could send anyone to their knees. The young woman faintly cleared her throat at her thoughts and took to stirring the half melted cubs of ice around her glass with the straw. “Is there, like, some kind of handbook on first date etiquette?” she jokingly asked the man, shifting her stare back over to his. “How long should I sit here and wait like an idiot before it’s okay to get up and leave?” 

“Honestly, I couldn’t tell ya,” he said with a heavy sigh, bringing his glass to his mouth to sip down the rest of his drink, “I don’t go out on dates that much.”

She sat back in her chair and chuckled at his, frankly astonishing, confession. One that, just by the looks of him, she was having a very hard time believing. “You’re joking, right? ‘Cause if you’re having a hard time finding a date, there is absolutely no hope for me.” 

A flush overcame the man’s cheeks, and he bowed his head down slightly. “I wish I was jokin’!” he replied, looking back over at the stunningly gorgeous girl sitting just two feet from him. “It’s actually my job that makes datin’ kinda hard.” 

“Yeah, I wish I could say that about my job,” she said with a slight narrowing of her one eye, “much better than realizing that men are just shit.” 

Another laugh belted from him before he gave her a shrug. “Fair enough, I’ll give ya that. So...what is it that you do then?” 

“I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

“Really? That’s nice.” 

“Yup,” she nodded. “What about you, what do you do?”

He cleared his throat, his shoulders rounding as he rested his forearms on the edge of the bar, twirling his empty glass around against the wooden bar top. “Um...I’m a musician, a singer actually.”

“Well, that’s pretty damn cool,” she shot back with her eyes going big, “much cooler than my job.”

“Doubt that, you get to be with kids all day.” 

She smiled and leaned towards him, reaching out to lightly lay the tips of her fingers over his right bicep. “Like I said, much cooler than my job.”

Sitting herself back up in her barstool, she flipped her long red hair over her shoulder and clasped her hands together on top of her crossed thighs. She was unaware of his wandering gaze on her at that moment: stretching down the long slope of her neck to the slight peek of her ample cleavage that was showing from her top. She had soft full lips, painted in a muted mauve color and a delicately rounded chin. She was absolutely captivating. He quickly averted his stare when she curiously flicked her eyes over to his, and he reached up to card a hand through his dark hair as a distraction. “Uh...can I, um, get ya another drink?” 

She looked down at her empty glass, pondering his question. “You know what,” she started, glancing back over at him, “yeah, I’d like that. Thanks.” 

He smiled at her and raised his hand to motion the bartender over to them. “Whatcha drinkin’?”

“Vodka soda.”

He rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded. “Vodka soda for the lady, please and I’ll have another Jameson, on the rocks.” 

By that time, it was her gaze that was wandering over him as he ordered. She watched as his lips curled intricately around each word that left them, her eyes drifting from the small spots dotting across his thick neck up to the glow of the bar lights that flecked through his soft eyelashes. He was very beautiful. It almost made her nervous. Feeling the heat of her stare, he locked his eyes on hers and slid himself into the seat next to her. She pulled in a deep breath as he situated himself in his chair and she was quick to realize that not only was he crazy attractive, but he also smelled incredible. Of course he did. 

Her stare flicked down to her lap. “So...are you here on a date too or…” she asked, her soft voice waning slightly.

“Oh no,” he replied, shaking his head, “I’m actually meetin’ some of my mates here soon, we’re goin’ out to some club. This is my buddy’s bar actually, so...it’s kinda like our designated meetin’ point.” 

“Gotcha.”

“I’m Niall, by the way.”

Her brown eyes fell to his hand as he held it out towards hers. She shook it and gave him a sweet smile. “I’m Joey, nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet ya, too.” Niall’s brow quirked up slightly as the last word left his lips and Joey couldn’t help but bite down on her bottom lip in reaction. He really was wicked handsome. “Can I ask...do ya do this often? Go out on blind dates?”

Her shoulders lifted in a laugh, a real genuine laugh that spilled effortlessly past her pouty lips like a cool breeze on a hot summer's day. Her eyes pinched shut and her nose scrunched with her loud giggle, and he couldn’t help but think how adorable she looked. It nearly left Niall breathless. But he just amorously smiled back at her. “Oh God, no,” she began, gathering her breath as the bartender set down their drinks, “this is actually the first time I’ve ever done anything like this. My best friend, Alexis, she made me download Tinder and Bumble a couple weeks ago-”

“Oh God-”

“I know, right? That’s what I said!” she agreed with another giggle. “But...I told myself that I should just try it out, ya know? Put myself out there, go on some dates, experience shit and see what happens. So...here I am. To be honest, this is the first real date I’ve been on in...a really long time. I’m...pretty nervous. And, of course, it’s already going super great, if you couldn’t tell.” 

Niall let out a snort just as he went to take a sip of his drink. “Precisely why I barely ever go on dates…” 

“I thought it was because of your job,” she snarkily replied, smirking at him around the straw of her drink. So she was clever too. Niall took notice and he chuckled. 

“A bit of both, to be fair.” 

“Ah, I see.” 

“So, this guy you’re meetin’,” Niall began again, lightly waving his hand around as he spoke, “you know anythin’ about him?”

Joey set down her drink, her foot kicking back and forth as she pulled in a breath. “Um...not much really. He said that he is self- employed, around 5’11”, dark curly hair and that he was going to be wearing a light blue shirt.” 

Niall’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Oooh sounds sexy,” he teased.

Tossing her head back in a boisterous laugh, his eyes went wide with enticement as her neck bared itself to him. Her shiny red hair flowed over her shoulder, cascading down her arm just as she reached up to cup her hand over her mouth. Niall’s heart might have skipped a few beats watching her. After her giggles had settled, she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I’m sure I’ll be swept right off my feet,” she joked back at him. 

“Dunno, Joey,” Niall said with a sarcastic click of his tongue, “he could be the one…”

She sighed dramatically. “I definitely better prepare myself.”

“Better have that officiant on speed dial.” 

“Obviously. Every girl’s must-have on a first date.” 

They both broke out into a fit of giggles and Joey couldn’t help but take note of how easy and comfortable she felt talking to Niall. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time. “So,” Niall said, picking up his half empty glass and readying himself for a sip, “have you ever been here before–”

“Joey?”

Whipping her head to the right at the mention of her name, the young woman was met with a dark curly haired man wearing a light blue button up shirt. She was almost disappointed to see him. “Oh...uh, Josh, right?” 

“Yeah, sorry I’m so late. Traffic was a nightmare,” he mumbled, slapping his hand to the back of a nearby barstool. “Also I had to feed my cat.” 

Joey’s brows buckled at the last bit, but she waved it off. “No, no, it’s no problem, really.” 

He nodded. “Should we get our table?”

“Yeah, sure, let me, uh...grab my stuff.” 

Turning back around, she captured Niall’s stare and gave him an awkward ‘ugh’ expression, one that he was fast to reciprocate with a chuckle. She stood herself up, smoothing down the front of her skirt before grabbing her bag and jacket. “Thank you so much for the drink, Niall,” she told him, keeping her tone low and between them, “And the friendly conversation.” 

Niall nodded. “My pleasure, Joey. Have fun, and be safe.” Giving him a kind smile, she turned to follow her date, who had already begun to shuffle off towards their table. Niall watched as she walked away, Joey barely making it a few steps before she had glanced back at him over her shoulder. He had a coy half-smirk on his face, one that could without a doubt ignite a fire in a snowstorm and, for a split second, Joey wondered what the hell she was doing. 

•

She had known who he was. The second she looked over at him, saw those heavenly blue eyes and heard that brogue accent, it clicked. But there was no way she was going to freak out or tell him that. Besides, by the end of the conversation, she had practically forgotten that he was a multimillionaire world famous musician and singer. He was just...another guy she met at a bar.

However, the moment she sat down at the reserved table with her date, randomly meeting Niall Horan at a bar in West Hollywood was the last thing on her mind. Josh, her blind date, seemed nice enough. He ordered them drinks, a lot of drinks, and kept up fairly well with the initial awkward getting-to-know-you conversation, though his frequent mention of someone was starting to stump Joey. 

“....and Tina really likes it when we play together.” 

Joey set down her drink. “Um...you keep mentioning Tina, who is that? Your daughter or something?” 

“Daughter?” he laughed. “No, I don’t have any kids. No, human kids.” 

Her eyes narrowed in perplexity as the guy tipped his head back to guzzle down the last of his mixed drink, the waiter having already brought him a fresh one. “Tina is my cat.” 

“Oh.”

“Listen, if I could marry her, I would. But I guess that’s not really legal, huh?” 

Joey stayed silent, her widening eyes slowly falling to the salad plate that rested in front of her. She chalked his comment up as a joke, but as the night dragged on, five more drinks being consumed by her date as he gleefully showed Joey about forty two pictures and twelve different videos of Tina the Cat, she began to think maybe he wasn’t joking at all…

Half way through their main course, Joey could tell that Josh wasn’t really holding his alcohol too well. His eyelids were droopy, his skin blotchy and clammy with sweat settling across his brow-line and his words were slurring to the point that Joey could barely understand a single thing he was saying. She knew it wasn’t looking good. 

“Hey...are you okay?” she finally asked, noticing the redness in his cheeks starting to fade to blue. Josh simply looked up at her and swallowed hard before attempting to lift himself out of his chair. He grabbed at his stomach, a slightly worrisome grumble bubbling up into his throat as he kept his balance with his free hand gripping to the edge of the table. 

“Oh...oh, okay,” Joey mumbled, “...this is happening…”

She went to reach out for him as he began to wobble past her, assuming he was headed towards the bathroom, when he paused; the look on his face harboring sheer terror the second his eyes caught hers.

Oh shit. He wasn’t going to make it. 

Joey’s mouth dropped open in a horrified gasp, not even having time to lean out of the way as Josh bent over and puked right there on the restaurant floor next to her. The entire place fell silent as the sounds of uncontrollable retching and half digested contents hitting the tiled floor echoed throughout the large open space. Joey slapped her hands up to cover her nose and mouth, the entire side of her bare leg splattered in his vomit. 

He stayed bent over, heaving and moaning after he was through, servers rushing around him as they tried to figure out how to handle the situation. Joey slowly peeked back up to his face, his glazed over eyes meeting hers and all she could do was let out a defeated sigh. “I’ll get you a Lyft.” 

•

After cleaning herself up as best she could in the restaurant bathroom and helping Josh into his Lyft–and a couple half-assed apologies being muttered as she buckled him in–Joey watched the car pull away, tightening her jacket around her body. It wasn’t cold outside by any means, but there had formed a slight chill in the late night air and instead of grabbing herself a ride, Joey decided to walk the few blocks north to the small Italian bistro, Italiano’s, that her brother worked at. Italiano’s also happened to be her favorite restaurant and had a to-die-for Tiramisu that Joey absolutely loved. She thought that after the night she had endured, she deserved to treat herself to something indulgent. 

It was only a fifteen minute walk, Joey arriving just as they were about to close up for the night. She yanked open the door with a relieved sigh and smiled at Ramona, the hostess and Joey’s brother’s girlfriend, who was standing beside a small wooden podium. “You’re here kinda late,” Ramona mentioned as she stepped to the side to give Joey a hug. 

“Yeah, just left what was probably the worst date I’ve ever been on,” Joey explained, “thought I’d stop by to see if you guys’ have any of that Tiramisu left?” 

Ramona smiled. “I’m sure we’ve got a piece or two left,” she said with a wink, leading Joey over to a table. “I’ll put you in Carter’s section.” 

“Thanks Ramona.” 

Showing Joey which table to sit at, she poured her a glass of water and rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m gonna go clean up those couple tables over there and then I’ll be back. We can have a little girl talk if you want.” 

Nodding at her with a smile, Joey watched Ramona walk off just as her brother, Carter, began heading towards her table. He was already carrying a small plate that had a generous portion of Tiramisu on it. “You are a lifesaver,” Joey mumbled as he stepped up and set the plate down in front of her.

“I wouldn’t be your bro if I didn’t know exactly why you were here.” 

Joey rolled her eyes and pulled the fork from her folded up cloth napkin, quickly digging into the dessert. Carter took the time to sit down in the chair across from her, his shift pretty much over with Joey being the only patron left in the establishment. “So, how was your night?” he asked her.

“Shitty,” she said between bites, not even looking up at him. “Or maybe I should say...’vomity’.”

Carter’s brows pulled in. “Huh?”

She peeked up at him. “I went on a blind date and the guy threw up on me,” she said with a snort, “well…on my leg.” 

“Fuck,” he chuckled. 

“Yeah.” 

Ramona came shuffling over, pulling out the chair between Joey and Carter and sitting herself down. “Okay, what’d I miss?” 

“She got puked on,” Carter told Ramona, pointing a finger at Joey. 

A gasp left Ramona’s red lips. “You’re joking?!”

Throwing her brother a spiteful look, Joey sighed. “Wish I was, but nope, the guy got totally wasted and just...threw up everywhere. It was so embarrassing.” 

“Yikes.” 

Joey licked the last bit of Tiramisu off her lips and pushed the plate away from her. Dropping her chin into the cups of her hands, she rested her elbows on the table. “I feel like this is some kind of sign, that I’m just destined to be alone forever.” 

Carter sighed. “Jo, don’t say that.”

“It’s just...I’m really trying to put myself out there, ya know? And of course, I can’t even have a decent first date. I have to, literally, get puked on,” Joey said, carefully tucking some hair behind her ear.

Ramona shot her a soft smile and leaned her arms on the table. “Carter and I had a pretty bad first date. It doesn’t always mean the rest will be bad too.” 

“What was wrong with our first date?” Carter asked her, his face pulling in. 

The dark haired girl laughed. “You were twenty minutes late picking me up, our reservations got ‘lost’ so then we had to wait an extra hour for our table and then your car got towed while we were eating. That’s pretty bad.”  

Carter rolled his eyes. “Oh, that’s not that bad.”

“Anyway,” Ramona continued, peering back over at Joey, “all I’m saying is that you never know how it’s going to end up. Maybe Puke Boy deserves a second chance.” 

Joey chuckled and shook her head. “Most definitely not. We really didn’t have much in common anyway. I’m just worried that I’ll never be able to find someone.” 

Reaching out to put a hand on Joey’s shoulder, Ramona leaned closer to her. “It might seem like you can’t find anyone, but I promise you will. You’re amazing Joey, and you shouldn’t have to settle for just anyone. You gotta keep searching.”

“You think?” Joey flicked her eyes from Ramona to her brother.

“Definitely,” Carter assured her with a gentle smile, “just don’t give up. Not yet, ‘cause it’s usually right where you least expect it.”

•

[writing-is-my-guilty-pleasure]

Rising Star || Tony Stark x Reader

Main Masterlist

Marvel Masterlist

You were Y/N Y/L/N, a rising star in the music world. You hadn’t started off well known at all, you studied music in school and college, then gone on to sing on city streets for fun in your spare time. But you didn’t stay hidden for long, because somewhere along the line someone had uploaded a video to YouTube of you singing, and it had gone viral. The next time you went on twitter your phone actually crashed from the amount of people that had been tweeting you, and messaging you, and it didn’t take too long after that for your now producer to get in touch with you.

When you released your first single, the amount of people who were buying, downloading and streaming your song was enough to keep you at the top of the charts for a week and a half. Everyone loved it, and it was even enough to get other people to notice you. You’d learn later in life that Peter Parker was a fan of your music, and that’s really where all the excitement began.

You’d been booked in for an interview by your producer, so that your fans could know more about you and what you liked. You’d been given a piece of white cardboard, with little bits of paper that you could pull off, to see what was written underneath.

“And this one says…” You paused as you pulled a piece of paper off. “Who is Y/N Y/L/N’s favourite Avenger?” You grinned at the question, and laughed at the camera. “You can’t just ask a question like that, all the Avengers are amazing and they all do an amazing job.” You thought for a moment. “But honestly, I think Iron Man has to be my favourite.” You laughed again as the crew behind the cameras chuckled at your answer. “I love Tony Stark, I have to admit that.” You smiled. “I really respect Tony, how he deals with the press, and how he balances his work life. I’ve admired him for a while, as he seems like a really nice guy, and the Avengers deal with a lot, with the whole saving the world thing.” You glanced back down at the question. “But I doubt I’d ever get to meet him, but at least now everyone knows I love Tony Stark!” You smiled at the camera, and moved onto the next question.

                                      •·················•·················•

After that interview, and many months later you released even more music, and you were slowly getting recognised around the world, as more people shared your songs. You’d even met some of your favourite artists, and you didn’t think your life would get better than this, because this was more than what you’d dreamed of.

Or so you thought, until it had been a year since you released your first song, and to celebrate your producer had thrown a (very) big, formal party to honour the start of your career. There were more than a few recognisable faces there, and you had been overwhelmed for most of the night, greeting so many of your idols, them congratulating you and complimenting you on your music and achievements.

Eventually, you managed to get away from the bigger part of the crowd, and stand next to one of the many small tables that littered the room that held various expensive drinks. You sighed, reaching for one of the less alcoholic drinks on the table, and had just taken a sip when you heard: 

“It feels good to get away from the crowd occasionally, doesn’t it?”

There was something very familiar about that voice, so you turned around, about to agree with the mysterious person, but upon seeing them you froze where you stood, almost dropping your drink. There before you, that familiar smirk on his face, stood Tony Stark himself.

“Oh my god.” You whispered, putting a hand over your mouth, staring in utter disbelief at Tony. “You’re Tony Stark!” You said a little bit louder, your voice a little bit higher this time. “Oh my god!” You put your drink down as Tony laughed, and you gaped at him, but it was quickly overtaken by the biggest smile that had ever appeared on your face.

“And you must be Y/N.” Tony replied, repositioning his sunglasses that he seemed to never take off. “I’ve heard a lot about you, but none of the videos show how beautiful you are.” His smirk grew as you turned a bright red, looking down shyly.

“It’s…I’m so-” You stuttered, your mind in ruins because holy shit did Tony Stark just call you beautiful? Tony chuckled as you tried to find the right words. “It’s so amazing to meet you, I’ve always dreamed of meeting you and that sounds weird but I didn’t mean it to be weird, and I promise I’m a lot cooler than this normally.” You said in a rush, feeling utterly stupid. “How did you even get here?” You asked, taking another sip of your drink, gesturing for Tony to take one if he wanted.

“Well, I have an apprentice of sorts back home, as you may well know since you love me so much.” Tony winked at you as he took a larger sip of his drink. “And he brought you to my attention not too long ago, as he is definitely one of your biggest fans.” At your amazed look, he grinned. “Seriously, he won’t stop talking about your music, and this time I relented and let him fangirl about you to no end, until he showed me this video of you doing an interview.” He pulled out his phone to show you the video where you admitted you were obsessed with Tony. “And I knew that I had to find you somehow, so I got in touch with your producer, and he invited me here without telling you.” Tony looked at you over his glass, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“You wanted to meet me that much?” You asked, in awe of the man standing infront of you. “I don’t think someone’s wanted to meet me that badly before.” You smiled shyly at Tony, and you felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside everytime he smiled back at you. You looked around, and nobody seemed to be looking in your general direction, so an idea floated into your head. “Do you want to…I don’t know, get away from the noise a bit?” You gestured in the direction of the balcony.

“I would love to.” Tony replied, before holding out his arm for you to take. You laughed, and held onto his arm as he led you outside, where the cool air felt lovely on your flushed skin, and the lights from the busy city below shone onto your face. You looked over at Tony to find him already looking at you. 

“What? Is there something on my face?” You chuckled, reaching up to pat your cheek nervously.

“Can’t I just look at a pretty girl once in a while?” Tony teased, and you jokingly rolled your eyes, giggling. You never giggle, how has this man managed to turn you into the dumbest person alive? “I want to get to know you more, Y/N.” Tony spoke seriously, shifting a little on his feet, and you tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear nervously. “And I know you’re busy with your music, but I would really like to take you out sometime.”

“You want to take me on a date?” You asked, staring in disbelief, and Tony nodded casually, as though he’d asked you something extremely simple, like what your favourite colour was.

“I just think that you and I get along well, and why prevent something that is obviously a good idea and that could work?” Tony shrugged, tilting his head as he looked at you. “So what do you say, Y/N? Give me a chance to sweep you off your feet, maybe literally a couple of times.” He spread his arms open, one of his signature poses.

“Hmm, I don’t know.” You said teasingly, moving towards him slightly. “Is a genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist enough for someone like me?” You pulled a thoughtful face, as one of Tony’s hands crept up your back, pulling you closer to him. “I think I can give it a try.” Tony flashed you a winning smile, and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek.

Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. “Here’s my number, but don’t worry, I’m not leaving you just yet.” You tucked the paper into your bag, and that night was the happiest you’d been in a while. 

                                       •·················•·················•

But obviously when Tony left and you were in your room alone you had to scream into your pillow because oh my god Tony Stark is into you and you’re going on a date with him. And he was right, you two did make it work.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #267

“you can take my heart, you can take my breath - when you pry it from my cold, dead chest.”

When did you last talk to the last person you kissed? Last night. Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Oh, I'm positively certain. What’s something you wish you could understand better? There are a great many things, but the first that came to mind are certain political/moral beliefs that I REALLY do want to understand, but I just don't. When was the last time you cried really, really hard? About a week back when I woke up shrieking and sobbing from a nightmare about Dad. Have you ever injected a drug? No. How many people have you liked in the past 5 months? I've been COnfuFSSeD!!!!!! Are you currently in a relationship? Nope. Probably for the better. Have you ever touched a dead body? Animals, yes. I may have at an open-casket wake, but idr. I was young. Ever played Grand Theft Auto? Nope, but oh man, good memories of those stupid games with my neighbor back when I was younger... He loved that game just to fuck around, and I liked watching. Then Jacob and Jason played it together at the apartment a lot, and those are warm memories, too. The last male you spoke to … is he attractive? That would be my 3-year-old nephew, so it'd be fucking weird to call him that. He's one handsome little boy, though. We all know he's gonna be a lady killer one day. If your ex called right now, would you answer? Yeah. Is there a dictionary on your bookshelf? I don't even have a bookshelf. Do you have any pet names for the person you love/like? Not anymore. Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? What is your honest opinion of that person? Mom. I love her to death. Who was the first person you dated? What is your honest opinion of that person? Aaron was my puppy-dog love, and I have not the slightest clue what he's up to now, but I have faith he's kept that good head of his. Ever fallen in the shower? I've passed out while getting *out* of it. I've slipped a number of times too, but not truly fallen. Do you think that things will get better? For me, I genuinely don't know. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes, by my cousins' friend's pool for a b-day party. It was cool. Their house was fuckin' wild. Movie theater inside and all. Is your dad bald? Just about. His head is just mostly shaved. Have you ever slept at a member of the opposite sex’s house? I mean yeah, all the time when we were together. Have you ever hooked up with someone to hurt someone else? Wow, no. I don't do "hook-ups" anyway. Do any of your relatives actually pinch your cheeks when they see you? No. Have you ever made a member of the opposite sex cry? Ugh, yeah. Do you know the last person you kissed's parents? Yes, I adore them. Do they like you? I think so. Name a couple things you can cook. ... Literally just scrambled eggs, if you mean something pretty much from scratch. Well, I could probably still do pasta if I read the box. Who was there to help you last time you were puking? My mom. I am absolutely terrified of vomiting, so she's kind enough to somehow manage to stand in there with me and talk to me. Are there any boxes of tissues in your room? What’s the design on it? No. Are you in high school? When are you done? No. I graduated in 2014. Are you embarrassed to say if you’re a virgin or not? More like confused and awkward, because I genuinely DON'T know for sure. Have you ever met someone you thought you’d be with forever? It was  "certainty" to me. That's partially why the breakup was so traumatizing. I MEAN IT when I say my brain couldn't even fathom the idea. It was "impossible." It simply couldn't happen. Then it did. ^Where are you two now? We haven't spoken in three years. Has your best friend ever been in love? Yes. What was the last magazine you bought? I've never been a magazine person. Will the last person you kissed get you anything for your next birthday? *shrugs* Do you think Family Guy is funny or just stupid? It can be both. Have you ever stayed with someone who treated you like shit just because you liked them so much? NO SIR-EE. You'd never see me stay with someone who treated me badly. Would you date someone all your friends and family hate? If I REALLY liked them, but if everyone hated that person, I would seriously consider why that is. Are you already looking forward to your wedding? Ha ha, not really, in most ways. Like, I hate getting all fancy and such. Have you ever spit on someone? No. Would you rather cuddle or make out? I MEAN, that depends on the mood??? Has your best friend ever been cheated on? No. Do you text with one hand or with both? Both. Are your parents left or right-handed? Right, to my knowledge? What was the last photo you took of? Something on FB I wanted to show to Sara. What topic always interests you and you will never tire of? C R Y P T I D Z Are you more or less tolerant than the average person? If you mean of varying beliefs, stuff like that, definitely more. If someone were to rate your life, what film certificate would it receive? PG-13 or R, idk. Actually, probably R for all they profanity lmaooo. Do you mind eating cold fries or are they disgusting? Ewww. What song makes you cry? What about it makes you cry? I physically cannot listen to "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin because of Jason joking at prom that the music sucked and we could dance to something like that, then once he took me home, I played it from my iPod over his car speakers and we danced in the headlights of his truck and it all felt like a fairy-tale. I'm emotional just typing it and it makes my stomach hurt, so moving on. If you could remake a movie, which movie would it be? Silent Hill: Revelation. As a fanatic over the series, I enjoyed it decently, but, objectively, it sucked and was ALL over the place. How about if you could rewrite a book's ending, which one? Why? I don't think I'd change any. Maybe a clearer answer to The Handmaid's Tale, but it's still g. What colour hair does your sibling(s) have? Brown, except Misty and Katie. Theirs is black. What gemstone would you like on your wedding ring? A dragon's breath opal or rose gold would be gorgeous. What are you looking forward to in the near future? We're throwing my little sister a surprise graduation party at our older sis's house. Thanks to the quarantine, her senior graduation isn't *actually* happening, so. How is life going for you, anyway? Be honest. IT KINDA S U CKS!!!!!! What time did you get changed this morning? I haven't changed out of my pj's. I almost never do (besides obviously after a shower) because I have nowhere to go, like ever. Have you met somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Yeah. Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character? Which one? Maybe as a kid? Have you ever played chess? If so, are you good at it? I’ve never played it. If I wanted to buy you a chocolate bar, what kind should I NOT get? Ew, Snickers. Of all your close friends, who have you known the longest? Sara. What was the last song you heard, that made you feel emotional? Hm. Maybe "Disguise" by Motionless In White. I wonder all the time if that's how Jason felt. Plus it's his favorite band, so that's a double whammy. When was the last time you took a selfie? Maybe about a month ago. As a child, did you ever have any scented gel pens or markers? Oh, I remember those! Yes. Name an alcoholic beverage that you dislike. Hell, most that I've tried. I hate strong stuff. Can you recall the last time you were on a dancefloor? When I was shooting someone's wedding last year. Do you own any color-changing mood jewellery? No, I have zero faith in those. What was the last thing you heated up in your microwave? Ummm pizza rolls, I think. What was the last flavor of ice cream you had? Moose tracks. Do you have an online game that you play often? I play World of Warcraft daily, and I enjoy the Dragons of Atlantis app a few times a day. I was into it when it was still a game on an actual website, and I more recently downloaded it on my phone. What’s your favorite cookie? Soft chocolate chip... yum. How long would you have to date someone for before moving in together? I think this depends very much on the relationship, BUT LIKE, definitely not TOO quickly because you need to test the endurance of the relationship. I'd at the very least give it a year and seriously consider how healthy the relationship is. Moving in with each other shouldn't be an impulsive "this is working great omg I love him/her let's do this!!!!". What's your favorite kind of sushi? N/A How much was the last bill that you paid? I've never paid a bill... wow, that's sad. What was the cause of the worst low point you've had in your life? A very abrupt, traumatic breakup. What are some of your favorite types of cheeses? Really just American. When did you last feel like your privacy was invaded? I'm not sure. Do your parents volunteer anywhere? No. Do you own more than 50 books? I have my Warriors books stocked somewhere. Probably in the attic. Do you have a bachelor's degree? Bitch I wish. How old were you when you became financially independent from your parents? I'm 24 and still aren't independent. Does your kitchen have an island? No. Have you ever bought or sold something on Facebook Marketplace? No. Do you know anyone famous enough to have their own Wikipedia page? No. What was the last appointment you had? With my psychiatrist over the phone because yeah quarantine. Why did you last feel like crying? I woke up from yet another nightmare. I'm so, so tired of them. They make me dread sleep. Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? If it truly is private, yes, and secrets, absolutely. What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? "I... don’t think I’d like to be friends with people who have a habit of bringing up 'negative' things about me." <<<< This. Do you often "jump" to conclusions? ONLY ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What about the world do you wish you never found out? Christ, there's a lot. For some reason, the first thing that came to mind is the dogmeat trade in Korea. A girl in my first semester did a presentation on it, and just... wow. I never had the slightest clue it was a thing. Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? No. Does someone's background affect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Well, yeah. I'm not gonna be friends with a rapist or something. How about their religious background? Depends on if they push that shit on me or not, as well as things they believe. If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? NNNNNNNNNOPE. Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? There are so many tea/coffee questions in surveys... and no. I don't like either. Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No. Do you wish that magic was real? Well, it depends on what the magic is. Do you prefer fire or ice? Fire is cooler. Do you rap along with rap songs? No. When happy, do you become more talkative? WAY MORE. Bowling or sailing? Why? Never sailed before, but bowling is fun. Especially with the lights off but all the neon and signs lit up. Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? THE FRONT!!!!!!!!! Sitting shotgun and being able to control the music is everyTHIIIIIIIIIIIING. How about in a train? On the bus? I don't really have a preference here. Do you care about politics? I should... Are you offended easily by non-politically correct language? No, honestly. Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? Definitel too far. Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one(s)? No. Do you know anyone who is scared of you? No. I am so unintimidating. Do you like watermelon? Not really, no. Can you remember the month of your first kiss? April or May, p sure. What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? Uh. I dunno, man. Do you have a photo album? Mom has tons. What was your biggest fear as a child? Thunderstorms. I was fucking terrified. Can you remember all your past teachers' names? The majority. Do you find people taller than you intimidating? Generally tall men do, but not always. What's your favorite thing about your country? We have a lot of freedom. What's your least favourite thing about your country? We're greedy as fuck. What websites do you have bookmarked? I have a few on my personal laptop, which I don't have access to now so can't recall well. What TV show scared you as a kid? Courage the Cowardly Dog... though I watched it anyway lmao. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life? There's a lot. Let's not focus on it. Which parent do you identify with the most? I guess Mom. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? laskdjflawe admitting I RP is almost ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE to others, especially in-person. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Politics, 'cuz that's shit that seriously matters and affects the world. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? Probably an old friend who's an award-winning, quite successful photographer here in the state. She's shot fashion and model stuff professionally. She's absolutely gorgeous, does the coolest stuff... What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Good Lord, I know so many. "UR A WOMAN NOW" by Otep is one, then there's "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade, "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance... wow, I'm so surprised they're not just rushing to me. How about the sweetest song? Biiiiiih "Here For You" by Ozzy Osbourne laskdjfk;awe Do you know how to play dominoes? No. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Exotic/endangered animal meat. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? Uhhh I'm really not sure. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Shane Dawson is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? Many things.

[lizzodorito]

quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically,  but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all  the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt 

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted 

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same 

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for 

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so 

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun 

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng 

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME 

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with. 

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to  have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are 

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to  be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

[the-lupine-sojourner]

A Merman and a Teacher [Merman!Kirishima/Takara] [No Quirk AU]

Okay so I am not sure where this story is going and would love suggestions! Anyway, I would like to thank @thetrashyartwitch for letting me use this story as inspiration for this. I try to make things a little different, and I hope you like it!! 

I’m also tagging @elite-guard-hardygal , @souskena , and @dailyojiromashirao . Hope you guys don’t mind! 

Okay! Here’s the Link to the First Chapter!!! Please send in any and all suggestions you guys have! Please! I really wanna know what you all have to say! 

God Bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

Over the next few weeks, I came by the alcove every day and discovered through several instances of the merman flicking water at me or tugging me toward him or dunking me that he had a naturally playful, pranking nature.

He had a habit of pulling that shit whenever I was talking too long, or threatened to leave, or simply whenever he felt like it. I felt a genius stroke of luck when I thought to download a free phonetics app for my phone. It was supposed to help children learn how to sound out words and my friend seemed to like it a lot. I used it to help him and he soon learned how to say my nickname (Kara) and a few short, usually three-letter, words. As long it wasn’t complicated or long, he could actually say it after a while of struggling with it.

Almost every time I praised him for sounding a word out properly, he would turn his cheek to me, and if I were to hesitate or refuse, he’d rarely slam his salty cheek against my lips regardless if he was feeling particularly needy.

I’d always scold him and he would sit there, a smug, unrepentant look on his face as he watched me get flustered as I tell him he can’t keep forcing me to kiss him. I knew he didn’t understand the precise words I was using, but he wasn’t entirely dumb; he knew I was always upset when he did it.

A few times, I’d bring food in a waterproof container, like a Thermos. Mainly, I brought cheap sushi or boardwalk food.

Like today. My companion greedily sucked down the food I brought him and begged for more. I refused, careful not to let the water get all over the food when he flicks water at me petulantly.

This was getting a bit out of hand, honestly. I move away and motion for him to stay. “You let me eat.” I explain. “Then Kara back.” I started using smaller, simpler words when around this merman. He was only beginning to understand human speech and mannerisms, but he caught on pretty quick, all things considered.

I then look at my phone as I eat and notice that it was nearly four in the afternoon, and I’d promised my uncle I’d come visit today. I sigh heavily and swim toward the entrance, knowing the merman enough to dodge his grab at my ankle. He’s pouting, and I smile. “Me go, come back later.” He crosses his arms, looking away and sinking into the water like a child. I roll my eyes and laugh. “Bye.” I call. Instantly, the merman is in front of me, cheek turned to me. I sigh. It had become tradition that my departure is worthy of a kiss. So I give him one before waving as I swim away reluctantly.

=#=#=#=#=

“Why do you smell like the beach?” Uncle Yoshi asks. I shrug.

“I swam.” I reply vaguely, not noticing the dopey smile on my face. I hadn’t had time to shower and freshen up before visiting hours were over and my parents also wanted to visit him today.

“Oh? With anyone?” I blush.

“N-no.” I reply.

“Ah-ha! You deny it! It’s true!” Uncle Yoshi cackles, it soon dissolving into coughs. I sigh.

“Look, I- -”

“Who?” He presses once his coughing subsides. I shake my head. “C’mon, Mei.” He cooes. “Tell your uncle what’s going on.” He pleads. I bite my lip. ‘Oh, yeah. I’ve met and kinda befriended a merman, Uncle Yoshi. He’s cool, but kinda flirty. Oh, and I’m teaching him English so I can actually talk to him in proper sentences and have him understand.’ that would go over well.

“...I just swam with a friend.”

“Bullshit! You don’t blush and stammer about swimming with a ‘friend’, Mei.” He counters, smiling in victory. “So. Spill.” It was only two words, but I felt their weight settle on my shoulders. He had contracted cancer, so it wasn’t like he could run down the street yelling to the world that his niece had met and could sorta talk to a merman.

Also, he’s such a nice guy, he’d understand that it had to be a secret...right? I bite my lip. “It’s a long story…” I mumble.

“I have the time.”

“It has to remain secret, okay? I’m being serious, Uncle Yoshi. You’ll understand when I’m done.” My uncle raises a brow but nods.

“Alright. Whatever you say will not leave this room.” He always knew when I was being dead serious, like now. I swallow.

“Okay, so...about two weeks ago, I was walking down to the pier because I couldn’t sleep, and then I hear people on the pier messing around, so I look over and- -I’m being dead serious- -there were two mermen and a human woman all leaning or sitting on the pier. I didn’t believe it at first, but it’s real.” I pull up the video and picture of that night. “They left soon after this because a patrol showed up, and I came back after work the next day and eventually found the red-head merman again. I’ve been trying to help him learn English and introducing him to sushi and whatever else I can buy cheap on the boardwalk.” I explain, squirming as I waited for his reaction. Uncle Yoshi was silent a good minute or two, and it was an eternity before he spoke.

“You’re right to keep this a secret, Takara.” He murmurs, fiddling with a stray string on his blanket absently. “There are many dangerous things in the water.” I blink.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve seen my own merman. Not as young as the ones you’ve seen, but I saw one; it saved my life once.” I tilt my head. “It was a long time ago. Made a dive to explore a shipwreck; nothing I hadn’t done a bunch before. Only this time, as I was leaving, I cut my leg on a part of the ship. Tried to get up to the surface quickly, but I was too slow. A great white, one of the biggest ones I’ve ever seen, came charging right at me. Before I could blink, it had my leg in it’s mouth, yanking me this way and that. I tried everything recommended for this scenario, but it was so big, nothing I did had an effect. Then out comes this- -this blur. Knocked the shark right off me, pulled me behind it in a heartbeat. Turns out, it was a very muscular merman with a series of scars and the tail of a whale shark.” Listening to the story, I was stunned. My Uncle had never quite been the most open person, but if you asked him a direct question, he’d answer honestly. It did make sense that he’d never told me about this encounter before, but holy crap! There was someone else beside that woman on the pier that’s seen a mermaid? There were more than two mermen?! I shouldn’t be surprised, but still... “Of course, once he’d sent the shark on it’s way with a few punches, he helped me to the surface, vanishing the next instant. No one would ever believe me, I thought, so I never told anyone. I lied and said the techniques I used somehow worked and I managed to make the shark go away.” He sighs and next thing I know, he’s smacked my shoulder. “You, on the other hand, are an idiot! What if I hadn’t met that merman, huh?!” I wince, rubbing my shoulder.

“Look, you’re the one who pressed me into answering!” I protest defiantly, pouting a little at him.

“And you decided to answer honestly?!”

“Well, pardon me for being raised not to lie!” I shoot back. My uncle then chuckles.

“Good girl. Stand by your decisions, unless you’re proven wrong, no matter what.” I grin back at him.

“I know.” It was something of a family motto, one repeated frequently. Uncle Yoshi put his hand on mine.

“Tell me more about this merman.” I grin and continue.

“He’s actually kinda smart! I have a phonetics app on my phone and he’s hooked on it!” I laugh. “He’s like a little kid, really, the way he acts, but he means well. He’s also a bit of a prankster, dunking or splashing me sometimes or tugging on my feet. He likes to play with my toes sometimes, and my hand.” On and on I went, unheeding of my uncle’s knowing smile or the fact that my grin had turned positively dopey the longer I spoke.

“You really like this merman, don’t you?” My uncle interrupts. I flush.

“I...he’s kind of my friend at this point, you know? He’s come a long way from where he started and I like watching him improve, even if he wants a cheek kiss for every ‘accomplishment’.” I roll my eyes, remembering the salty taste of his cheek, the pride in the merman’s ruby eyes, the way his skin glistened when it wasn’t in the water...

Promptly banishing that thought, I notice Uncle Yoshi laughing.

“So, he’s a flirt, huh?” I nod, blushing a little.

“A bit. I’m teaching him not to be too pushy, though.”

“That’s...good.” My uncle replies, brow raised and amusement in his eyes and voice.

“Either way, I don’t plan on stopping the visits.” I muse, knowing my uncle would probably suggest it. He was a bit more cautious since his diagnosis, after all. He sighs.

“And I wouldn’t ask you to. Just...be cautious. If anyone else were to find out...I doubt it would end well.” I nod.

“I know.” The silence lingers.

“You’re an amazing woman, Takara.” I look at him, surprised. Not necessarily at the words, just at the sudden urge to say them.

“Okay.” I reply, unsure how else to handle that.

“I mean it. Some people would have turned the merman in if they’d found him. He’s lucky it was you.” I smile at the compliments and the thought of how lucky I was to be one of three known people to have seen a merman.

“And I feel lucky to have seen and befriended him.” Then, before the conversation could continue, my parents arrive. This was usually how it went; we got individual visits, so the older people could speak freely without the younger kids and young adults in the family being weighed down by the conversation. I stand and hug him. “It was so great to see you, Uncle Yoshi.” I farewell, kissing his cheek. My parents wait for me to finish farewelling him before fully entering the room.

“Keep me updated, okay?” It was a purposely vague question from my uncle. I nod. “I know transfer students can be a hassle, but you’ll manage.” I smile gratefully at the frankly great cover story.

“I know. I’ll be back hopefully by next week.” He nods.

“Sounds good. Love you!”

“Love you!” With that, I wave and walk out of the hospital, feeling better now I’d finally let out the secret to someone I could trust.

And to cap it off, my uncle had met a merman, too! How wild was that?!

Sleep was hard, but eventually, I succumbed.

=#=#=#=#=

The next week crawled by, the kids being respectful and hardly causing any fuss, for once. It seemed they finally understood that school was going to happen whether they liked it or not.

Soon enough, I could leave and grab food and a change of clothes for after the beach and then it was off to see the merman (Dear God, I need to help him tell me his name! I can’t keep calling him ‘the merman’ forever…).

As usual, he was waiting at the entrance, practically dragging me into the alcove in his excitement. “Kara back!” He squeals, nuzzling my cheek with his scaly one. I scoot him away gently.

“Kara back.” I repeat patiently.

“Play phone now!” I laugh. Of course he’d immediately want my phone. Despite needing to take a break to let his eyes rest after staring at a different kind of light then he was probably used to in the ocean depths, he took to the app as easily as he swam around.

Actually speaking the words was more of a challenge, but he took to the challenge with an admirable gusto and determination.

I pull up the app, laughing, and hand the phone to him as we settle into our usual spot in the shallower section of the alcove, where I didn’t have to tread water and he didn’t have to get completely out of the water, laying propped on his elbows, engrossed in the app, which currently was helping him pronounce ‘name’. I found that a bizarre coincidence, considering that I’d wanted to ask his name for a while, having to wait for him to know more English before I brought it up. “Hey.” He reluctantly tears his eyes away and looks at me. “What’s your name?” He blinks several times before doing a series of clicks, groans, and whistles that I couldn’t translate. I give him a pointed ‘that doesn’t answer my question’ look and his face screws up in thought. He pulls my phone back up to his face and taps on it. Under his breath, he was doing that weird groan/click/whistling thing I assume is the language of mermen, but as usual I didn’t have any clue what he was saying.

He knew the app pretty much inside out and there was a keyboard that would sound out the letter you pushed. He presses several keys and I have to ask him to do it a few more times before I understood. “...Kirishima?” I ask. He beams at me and nods so fast, I swear he has whiplash. Before I can react, he hugs me and we end up underwater. If not for the many many times we’d ended up swimming when we didn’t mean to, I’d have been shocked and a little mad, but this was kinda routine at this point. Kirishima (I am so happy I know his name now!) knows my limits roughly and lets me up a few moments later, arms still around me as we go back to where he’d dropped my phone in his excitement. I thanked the Lord every day that I had thought to buy that waterproof case.

Regardless, I fish it out and reopen the app. “Here, you play more.” I urge, and he goes back to work. Kirishima was happily tapping away for awhile while I sometimes had to offer a bit of help on a word or sound that gave him trouble. Eventually, I had to leave, and he gave me one last hug before reluctantly giving my phone back and letting me leave.

He had really had improved a lot since we’d started meeting up, and I felt proud of him. In a way, he was different than my students at the school.

They were born into the language and just needed help learning English. But with Kirishima, he was from a totally different world, with its own set of languages and rules and customs, and yet he wanted to learn English so we could communicate. He was always so happy to overcome the challenge of a new word or learning a new phrase. I wonder if cheek kisses were a common reward in mer-culture (if that’s the right word), or if he’d simply seen that blonde merman get one for winning the arm-wrestling, and wanted some for himself. Either way, he was pretty funny that way, and I didn’t mind as long as he didn’t push it.

I then shake my head. It probably wasn’t a good idea to be reading so much into Kirishima, but I couldn’t help it! Frankly, I didn’t get out much, so this was the biggest thing in my life right now.

Maybe that’s all this is...Yeah. That’s the only reason...right?

[killervibe]

Plenty of Fish

Pairing: Killervibe (Caitlin Snow/Cisco Ramon) 

Rating: T

Notes: I should be studying :) 

Summary: Cisco and Caitlin go on a stakeout.

Read on Ao3 here!

“So Ralph’s missing, there’s a species of mobster fish people stealing humans who all seem to have sea-diving skills—“

“—Merpeople,” Cisco interjected from his chair.

Iris shot him a withering look.

“Hey! I’m not gonna gender discriminate the mobsters by assuming they’re all men. Women can be underwater crime lords too.”

Cisco caught Caitlin biting back a grin from behind her lab, where she was carefully analyzing severed gills from a murdered family member of these fish people species.

“They’re not Merpeople,” Barry stressed, running his hand over his face. “They called themselves The...Bretans?”

Cisco pursed his lips.  “All I’m saying is if you’re gonna tell me there’s fish that can walk on land, that’s a textbook definition of a Merperson. We’re under qualified, I think we should call Aquaman.”

“We’re not calling Aquaman Cisco, I only met him once for, like, three seconds. Besides, they kidnapped Ralph. That makes this our problem.”

“Oh Ralph,” Caitlin muttered, “Why’d you have to go boating in the Bermuda Triangle over New Years?”

“Okay, we’re getting off track,” Iris said, clapping her hands like an elementary school teacher, a behavioural technique that came in handy more than Cisco cared to admit.  “Babe, maybe instead of taunting Cisco, you give him something to do.”

“Fine!” Barry glanced at Caitlin and snapped his fingers with an idea. “Cisco, why don’t you try vibing the gills?”

Both Cisco and Caitlin made a face.

“Oh, that’s gross but whatever. Ralph owes me.”

Caitlin delicately picked up the limp gills from behind her microscope with her gloves for Cisco.

He put his hands on the wet flesh and gasped as the world tilted and twirled. His head never seemed to get used to the bone crushing pressure that came with vibes.

Suddenly it was dark, and Cisco had to blink several times to adjust to the zero lighting. It was nighttime, that’s why it was hard to see. He didn’t know how or why, but he was absolutely certain this scene is tonight. He heard talking in gibberish smattered with several words of broken English by—Yep, those were Merpeople alright. Men (And two women! Beat that Iris!) in business suits with fins sprouting out of their human backs. He turned to the right and recognized the laundromat down the street. The left showed a small house with—

“An address!”  He stumbled out of the vibe and back into reality. “I got an address for their next meetup sometime tonight. Here. Central City.”

Barry and Iris high fived as Caitlin deposited the fish parts to strip off her gooey gloves. She placed a hand on Cisco’s shoulder, steadying him.

“Maybe they’ll have Ralph,” said Barry.

Iris shook her head. “Why do these Bretans even need Ralph anyway? He doesn’t fit with the rest of the kidnapped people unless he’s been hiding a passion for deep sea diving from us.”

Cisco pointed at her, “That’s totally plausible.”

“No no,” Caitlin refuted. “I’m assuming it’s his unique polymer physiology. If he could stretch and contort himself into any manner, that gives him the ability to be an excellent swimmer, the best swimmer, maybe, this side of the coast.”

Cisco nodded along, catching her drift. “So you don’t think they want to sell him as a part of their kidnapping trade. You think they want him for something.”

“Precisely.” Caitlin beamed at him. Cisco grinned back, her excitement infectious. Caitlin’s hand had yet still to leave Cisco’s shoulder. He liked it, her touch on him. It was gravitational, like she was trying to tether him to her after his vibe. Unnecessary, but nice.

“Cool,” Barry said, taking notes on the whiteboard. “So far this is our best lead.”

He looked between Cisco and Caitlin.

“You two have been on a roll today, feel up for a classic stakeout? I’ve got the feeling this is the kind of thing Joe would rather sit out.”

Cisco turned to Caitlin, who had let go of him to shrug off her lab coat. She wrinkled her nose. “Staying in a car all night in the middle of the winter?”

Cisco pouted. “Aww, c’mon. It’s been forever since we’ve done sleuthing together, not since like, 2016 when we pretended to be Reverb and Killer Frost. You have to admit that was fun.”

Caitlin bit her lip. “It was fun.”

“I’ll keep us entertained. We can get Big Belly Burger...Catch up on Stranger Things…”

Cisco knew she was in the moment her mouth twitched upwards at the mention of Big Belly Burger. “Fine, I’m in,” she said. “We can leave at sundown.”

“Yaaasss!” Cisco cheered, and both Barry and Iris chuckled at his enthusiasm.

“We can take the Star Labs Van,” Caitlin suggested.

“Oh man, I forgot all about that thing. Does it even have gas?” He ran to the nearest sink to wipe the rest of the gunk off his hands.

“Okay,” Barry smiled, and then his phone chirped. “CCPD, I gotta go. Sounds like a plan guys, keep me posted.”

~.~

They met at the Star Labs garage at the end of the day, both Cisco and Caitlin bundled up for their stakeout. It was only 14 degrees Fahrenheit, and they’d most probably have to cut the heat off to stay inconspicuous.

Caitlin climbed into the passenger seat of the van and looked Cisco over. “Cute hat.”

“Thanks, you got it for me.”

“Oh, I know. I also got you those boots because you weren’t dressing warm enough last winter.”

Cisco spared her a glance as he turned on the engine, glad to see that they still had a half tank.

“Gracias mi corazoncito. I appreciate it.”

Caitlin blushed. Cisco did a double take. Was it the Spanish or the endearment? It sort of just slipped out, and he hadn't thought she knew what corazoncito meant.

Huh, interesting.

He rubbed his hands against the cold steering wheel in a feeble attempt to warm them up, then put his foot on the pedal to get on the road.

“So what do you think the Merpeople—“

“Bretans.”

"— Merpeople are up to?” Cisco asked as he pulled into the Big Belly Burger Drive-Thru line. “Kidnapping humans to pull off some sort of The Little Mermaid deal? Offering the legs of innocent humans to a sea witch so they can swap their tails?”

Caitlin laughed. “That’s absurd.”

“Hey, nothing’s impossible anymore. King Shark literally exists, remember? All we know is one day merpeople—“

“Bretans!”

“Sheesh, fine. One day Bretans were a myth and now there are fish citizens causing mayhem on Earth 1.”

“It does sound fishy,” Caitlin joked.

Cisco stuck out his tongue as he inched their van closer to the menu sign and then asked her what she wanted to order.

                                                          ~.~

“This is boring. I’m bored,” Caitlin complained, yawning twenty minutes after they finished season 3 of Stranger Things.

Cisco stared at the monitor screens set up in front of them showing a whole lot of nothing and agreed. “Yeah, I don’t know how Joe does this all the time.”

Caitlin pulled out her phone to scroll through her Facebook. Cisco peered over her shoulder.

“Hey,” he said, “You should download the popular app of the week. It’s a mobile version of ‘Would You Rather?’ The developers grew up in Central City apparently so they threw in a few city questions.”

Caitlin typed in the search bar of the App Store and downloaded it.

She turned her phone sideways to read the first question. “Would you rather go without CC Jitters for a year or Big Belly Burger for a year? You go first.”

Cisco blinked. “Oh damn, that’s tough….Big Belly? We go to CC Jitters all the time, it would be too hard to not drink coffee.”

Caitlin waved her half eaten burger in front of his face. “Really? A whole year without this? Because I wouldn’t give up these for anything. Buy your own coffee maker. ”

Cisco scowled. “Next question.”

Caitlin chuckled, “Um, okay,” She swiped left. "Would you rather be saved by Killer Frost, Elongated Man or Vibe? Hey! I made it on the app!"

"Of course you did. You're a superhero."

Caitlin looked out the window. "Thanks, that means a lot."

"It's true. I know she'd have my back any day."

"Well that's awkward because I'd pick Ralph."

Cisco rolled his eyes, "Oh, you're a comedian now?"

Caitlin swiped left. “Have your shirts always be two sizes too big or two sizes too small?”

“Two sizes too big,” they both said decisively at the same time.

Caitlin gave him a funny look.

“You never wear anything your size anyways.” 

“Not true!” Cisco yelped, “It’s called layering.”

She reached over to pinch the arm of his coat. “You’ve got muscles Mr. I Throw Open A Hundred Breaches Per Day, but noooo, nobody ever notices.”

“You do.”

Caitlin spluttered. “That’s because I’m your doctor.”

“Alright, gimme your phone. These questions are lame.” Caitlin handed her phone obediently, and Cisco skipped through the next seven or so plain questions.

“Would you rather be alone for the rest of your life or constantly be around annoying people?” He read out loud. “Well, I mean we’re literally sitting in a van freezing our asses off because Ralph got abducted by Merpeople, so I think our choice is pretty clear.”

Caitlin shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I would’ve said alone a few years ago.”

Cisco stopped skipping questions to squint at her, realizing she must've been serious if she hadn't chastised him for using the wrong term. “Really?”

Caitlin shrugged. “You and Ronnie, and the original Star Labs changed me. Made me a people person.”

“Awww.” He reached into his bag to see what was left and gave Caitlin back her phone. He pulled out his little carton of fries. “Fry?” He offered a perfect one, and she took it with her teeth from right out of his hand. Cisco’s mouth dropped slightly at her brazenness.

“Thanks,” she said. “Mmm, okay. Oh, here’s one for you. Would you rather give up bathing for a month or the Internet for a month?”

Cisco’s conflicted face was enough to set Caitlin off, and she shook her head rapidly. “You know what, don’t answer that one, I don’t want to know.”

“I would’ve said I’d let go of the Internet!”

“Sure.”

“I would have! Eventually.”

Cisco watched as Caitlin swiped next and went tense in her parka.

“What?” He asked uneasily.

She stared at the screen, tilting it away from him, then began talking in a fast, clipped pace.

“Sleep with your ex or with your best friend? Mine is obvious—I don’t have a thing for necrophilia with a sociopath.” She smiled tightly.

Cisco nearly gagged. He forced himself to swallow the lukewarm curly fries down his throat. This was...Not a good question. He ignored his internal panic to focus on Caitlin’s answer.

“Hey—No. You’re forgetting Julian.”

Caitlin sloshed around her cup of Big Belly Soda, “No, we were never official.”

Cisco narrowed his eyes. “You so were. All he would do is babble about you. Bossing me around to make things too, ‘Caitlin needs the necklace this’ — ‘Caitlin needs the antidote that’ —And a whole lot of ‘Hey mates, do you know where Caitlin likes to eat.’ ”

It was weird the way he was getting worked up. At the end of the day, Cisco owes Julian his life. If it weren’t for his enormous crush, Caitlin would be dead. And if she had really gone the same year as Dante, he might have done something beyond stupid, something that would probably make him un-alive today. The thought made him want to throw up.

Caitlin scoffed. “He was a good friend, I'll give him that. Then Barry told me about his trip to 2020 where Killer Frost helped Savitar. Julian was her jailer. Like a fascinated zoo keeper. I was his pet project.”

Cisco made another disgruntled face. “He was okay. Not for you, though.”

Caitlin hummed in agreement. “Your turn.”

“Best friend,” Cisco said rather quickly.

He turned to look out the window, hoping that the Merpeople would make an appearance in the next ten seconds or so that they wouldn't have to continue this conversation.

“What—Not Cynthia? You’d choose Barry?”

“Barry? Uh, no—I meant, um. Well—“ he chuckled awkwardly, scratching his head and turned to her. “I was thinking of you?”

“Me?” Caitlin repeated, sounding a little strangled.

He nodded. “You’re my best friend Cait, c’mon, you know that.”

Caitlin seemed stuck on the fact that he didn’t pick Cynthia.

Cisco shrugged when she asked again, wiping his hands on his napkin and crinkling his paper hamburger wrapper tightly in his palm. “I can’t go back to Cindy, not even for a night. My mental health is at risk. You know how I was like—Our connection, it was a fix. I blamed Harry for being addicted to the Thinking Cap but I was on a year long inter-dimensional vibrational frequency high.”

He opened a tiny breach and threw the wrapper into it. A distance away it opened again over a public garbage can for the wrapper to fall directly into.

Caitlin watched the whole thing with avid attention, marveling silently in the way she always couldn’t help when he did something cool.

“Show off,” she teased. He smiled.

“And now, it took almost a year, but I’m—I’m me again. I’ve gotten so far.”

Caitlin’s eyes softened for him. “You have,” she said gently, putting a hand on his bouncing knee. “I’m glad.”

Cisco’s mouth went dry, and his eyes fell to his lap where her fingers were curled around his leg. Her long pretty, talented fingers that have performed surgery and shot ice from their tips. His brain was going a little foggy as he belatedly wondered what Caitlin truly meant. She said...She said she’d sleep with her best friend. That was him. Sure, it came out of a game of Would You Rather, the crowd pleaser gossip maker of middle school sleepovers, so Cisco shouldn’t be overthinking.

But. But.

He wasn’t imagining this.

When he lifted his head, Caitlin had moved. She was leaning out of her passenger seat, over the greasy paper bags and her abandoned phone brightly probing the next question.

“Tell me to stop,” she dared, her breath making a cloud of mist in the cold space between them.

Cisco’s eyes fell to her mouth. “Don’t stop.”

Her hand on his knee slid to his thigh, where she braced her weight.

And then they were kissing. And kissing. And kissing.

Cisco’s mind went blissfully blank for the first time in his life. His hands automatically went to her waist and he pulled her body forward so that she was sitting horizontally on his lap, her boots now stretched against the passenger door as her back pressed against the driver’s side.

She knocked the woolen hat off his head to grab onto his hair as he tugged away the red scarf from around her neck in a frantic motion. He felt her pulse under the pressure of his thumb. He slid his finger away and kissed her neck, feeling the heat of her exposed skin on his lips. Caitlin shuddered in his arms and made a small desperate sound of “Please.”

The car was cold and quiet, but they were weren’t. Flushed and pressed together, with hitched breathing and Caitlin’s sweet gasps as Cisco ran his hands up and down her sweater-clad back.

Cisco deepened the next kiss, and he felt the air crackle with energy between them. This, this was real. This was what Cisco had been missing, and it’s crazy because he knew very well what it felt like to be slammed by numbing thoughts and feeling. It’s what he lived, what he experienced with his vibes, like being dunked underwater without the chance to hold your breath or close your eyes. But this was all-encompassing, this was every vibe and more, and it’s not terror or apprehension that zoltz through them, heightening all of their senses as Cisco groaned when greeted by Caitlin’s tongue. It was better, crisper, sweeter, clearer. It was two people, two pieces slotting together and solving a perfect puzzle for the first time.

It’s Caitlin who pulled away first, brushing some of Cisco’s flyaway hair from her mouth, and stared at him wide eyed and unfocused, like she were intoxicated.

“Hi,” she breathed, then zipped down his winter coat to bury her embarrassment into his scarf. His hands moved instinctively to stroke her hair. “That was supposed to be just one kiss,” she confessed.

“Oh my god.”  He knew how dazed he sounded, awestruck and dreamy. “Oh my god, Caitlin,” he said again, and took a deep slow breath to prevent his heart from seizing out of his chest.

He wanted her mouth back on his, he wanted her hands back in his hair. Most of all, he wanted to see her, in the light, not in the darkness of the Star Labs van. He wanted to put his hands underneath her sweater and brush his hands over the dip of her spine, the swell of her breasts, he wanted her. Wants her. Wants to have her like this forever.

“Hi. That was amazing.”

He wrapped a piece of her hair around his finger. “You’re so beautiful. I finally get to tell you that,” he whispered.

Caitlin lifted her face up from her hiding spot to kiss him again, chaste in comparison to what they were doing before. Cisco will never get over the shock of it. “It’s not the first time you’ve ever said that to me.” “Yeah,” he agreed, letting go of her hair, “But now you know what it means.”

“What does it mean?”

“It means...Everything it did before. You look beautiful, and not just because you curl your hair or wear lipstick or can transform yourself into Killer Frost, but because you control crazy power, you care about people, you’re smart and kind and brave and supportive and protective of everyone, not just me. You’re the one I trust and you’re the one I go to for anything because you will always listen, and...Cait, you’re not trying to impress anybody, that’s just you. It’s a beautiful thing.”

Caitlin tried to duck her head from the praise, but he wouldn’t allow it.

And,” he smirked slyly, “It also means you’re the most attractive kisser I’ve ever seen.”

Caitlin snorted. “You can barely see me in this dim light—And your eyes were closed the entire time.”

“I know. But I don’t need daylight to know that—Hey, you peeked!”

Caitlin’s shy giggles dissolved into full out laughter. Cisco watched her fondly.

She shifted in his lap, “Cisco,” she said, “I want to be with you.”

Cisco searched into her eyes. She was so open, expressive. It was new for her. "Really? She nodded. Caitlin looked down at her lap and took Cisco’s hands. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Cisco? Can I tell you something?”

“Anything,” he promised. She had his full attention.

“I caught the Barry Allen complex.”

Cisco raised an eyebrow. “The what?”

“The Barry Allen complex,” she said simply. “I’m in love with my best friend.”

Cisco felt the world fade away around them as he held her close.

“Huh,” he mused, “Then I guess I have the Barry Allen complex too.”

                                                        ~.~

Barry spun around the cortex in exasperation. “I just don’t understand how you two could be sitting outside in a car for five hours and not notice human fish conducting a slave trade right there. What happened?!? ”

“Uhhhh…” Caitlin said as Cisco scratched his head and mumbled, “They’re called Bretans. Don’t be insensitive.” 

Barry rolled his eyes and began to type furiously at the monitor. “Okay, maybe if I hack the next building’s security cameras I can figure out around what time it happened.”

Caitlin’s eyes grew horrifically wide as Cisco lunged for the computer.

“No don't! No no no no no, Barry!” Cisco shouted as he fought Barry for the mouse, but the damn speedster was too quick and then it was too late.

Yes, the footage was grainy, but it was unmistakable that the two people in the Star Labs van were in the middle of a midnight romp as four businessmen and two businesswomen with fins had a lengthy conversation about a man several feet away in chains.

Barry froze in shock, then quickly exited out of the window when his brain rebooted.

“Really? The Star Labs Van?” Iris judged from the other side of the room. Otherwise, Cisco realized weirdly, she didn’t seem all that surprised.

Caitlin covered her face with her hands in mortification as Cisco pushed Barry out of the chair. “I’m so sorry Sweetheart, I don’t care if I have to build a submarine to find the Bretans under the sea in order to find Ralph and the missing people, we are deleting this tape.”

Barry nodded dumbly from the floor, covering his eyes. “I have no need to see that ever again.”

FIN 

End Note:  I bet ya'll think I made this up. Nope. Ralph Dibny literally got kidnapped by merpeople called the Bretans (their undersea city was called Breta) who set up a human slave-trade thingy in the comics' silver era. Look it up! PS: It took all my strength not to name this Stakeout Makeout.

[mylifeasteejeh]

POOPYTHINGY

Hello sweets, This is my first ever blog/whatever you wanna call it. So as many of you know that everyone makes a mistake and I did too. It was a huge mistake, I was going through this creepy phase called “Friendless” (Well I am still friendless but it is not important rightnow I have done enough crazy things, and now I am over this phase,not over it but definately I am over with it.)

So, I was fucked up I didn’t have friends (well I did but I was getting detached from them). Anyways, I was a high school junior ,“A friendless Nerdy fugly” high school junior. Out of the need for a friend I joined the world’s most creepy and fucked up social media platform, now if you know which platform I am talking about then you know what kind of people are there.

And it’s called *drumrolls*

Kik,

Yeah I know Kik, now I think this is enough for you guys to know how fucked up I was.

So, basically guys Kik is a “World of all the heartbroken lovers/Creepsters/All time Sexuallyaroused freaks/Jobless Dicks or Vayjays (Girls are there too) ”. Although some people are nice there but being a part of that platform proves that You’re Dab-shit crazy. Yup, So I had join this crazy Poopythingy (Wait, this is nice okay so lets call Kik a “Poopythingy”) when I was a 8 grader and nothing really happen at that time and I got bored so I deleted it. Then, all of a sudden, you know that one moment when your mind says “ okay bitch, I am getting bored let’s get your life into a shit”.

*Brain searches through the “Fuckingfreakishlycrappyandweird Up things i saved this bitches Ass from” File and Takes out the closest or random option*

Therefore, out of the blue in my chemistry class I got this idea or I suddenly got this recap of what the 8th grader me had download, and then I am like “let’s Re-download that app again” And now guys I have that Poopythingy again in my phone.

*SlowClaps and Tears of joy*

Well, I was feeling like The great Columbus, searching for new friends to whom I can cry about my life and fucking everything.

I know you all are thinking that it was stupid of me, But you know What? “The brain wants What it wants” and I am a cancer Motherfuckers, yeah a CANCER. So this explain pretty much everything, therefore,you can’t blame me.

So The Columbus, made a fake account by name “Tris” ( yes, I was inspired by Divergent series). So, My boat (The account on Poopythingy) was ready for the trip, I also got inspired by this book I read where the girl meets her bestfriend through social media.

*Eyerolls*

Yup, I was inspired by a RomCom Book. So, I got these Message requests from all the “Jake to Chris” and most of them had Justin freaking Bieber as their profile picture ( I feel bad for Justin), Well, the ones who had JB as their pro pic were from my country mostly, the guys from other countries were more smart and used varieties of Different celebrities and even pics of “Things Which must not be named” (more like organs) . And they had these creepy Bios “I will make cute babies or Lyrics of songs”, and guys from my country had these R-rated poetry thingys which were picked up from “The Universal PickUp lines/ Peotry thingy Book” (Every heart broken guy/girl in my country has this Book, their brain which is smaller then my thumb automatically downloads this). So, i got a lot of crazylyfreakish messages. But Boy, I didn’t loose hope, my brain was not letting that candle of “lets get your life fucked up” blow.

I kept on searching, one robots ( it has robots for different things, like for dating/getting the solutions to your problems etc etc) to other. After, a lot of hardwork, searching day and night, joining one group ( got kicked out from two, because of my nationality, I was more smart the third time and told them that I live in some other country, because I knew that most of those suckers were from my country pretending to be from other country) to another. I kept looking and when I felt that finding a friend here is as difficult as finding a water castle in a dessert, I lost all the hope. I was about to leave ( keyword: about)

But my brain had other plans.

*It wanted me to open one of my message request and talk to the person who had messaged me recently* And this is exactly what I did.

Well, guys at least this guy had is own pic as pro pic, so 10 points to me for at least not choosing one of those JB guys.

Well, I talked to him for an hour, he was pretending to be from London, his e-mail address below his username gave him away (oh wait, lets call my so-called friend Voldemort) so I asked Voldemort “why do you have different name in your E-mail address”. Now, your bitch here is great at faking it so I had create a fake E-mail with name tris@blahblah something and used it for my fake account. And when he asked how do I know how to speak/read his language then I made up a story that my dad is from your country and he shifted to this country due to bussiness and he met my mom here and they got married, yes I created a sappy love story for my parents.

Now, I don’t know what got into me I told Voldemort truth about myself. We shared phone numbers and became good friends. He called me every night, although I told him to only message me and never call me. But he didn’t listen, I talked to him for a week. I had a breakdown when i was was on a call with him and after that we became bestfriends, I don’t know how but he always knew when something was wrong with me or will call me to check up on me, it don’t know but I felt good whenever I used to talk to him. It was a nice change. And then I told my sister about him. She was happy but told me to be careful.

Now if you’re a Cancer then you know that we trust others like crazy but if someone sow a seed of doubt then we start overthinking and then we suddenly become Sherlock Homes. Like bruh, we have a mind of spy, we listen carefully to what you say and think about every single word you say.

Okay, so Voldermort here did say some things and then refused that he didn’t say what he said, so me being me I ignored and thought maybe he forget or I just brushed it off. But after my sister said “Be careful”, I started overthinking and I thanked that Poophead for warning me. It was getting hard for me to ignore his words now, and one day he suddenly said that he likes me. I was happy that a guy liked fugly little me and I liked him too because he was there for me when I was alone, I was over the moon and my heart was thumping like crazy in my chest and I had butterflies in my stomach when I heard him say those three words “ I like you”. I was happy and told him that I liked him too, but you know that it’s not possible to be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust. Well, I liked him and was not thinking straight when I was talking to him, he had that kind of effect on me, his voice had that kind of effect on me ( his voice was hypnotising) and no one has ever had that kind of effect on me. I brushed off all the doubts that I had. I talked to him normally. Then the shit started happening he called me next day and said that he likes this girl in his school I was taken aback and was like okay, cool I will help you to get her if you want. And then he said that he is in “love with her”. And I was confused because last night he said that he liked me ( And It was in more than friends things). I didn’t say anything I just listened to him, he talked about her for an entire hour. So, I thought that maybe he liked this girl a lot, so I was okay with it. But then he stopped talking about her he started talking about me and said “You know you’re more then a best friend and a girlfriend and you will even be more important to me then my wife”. And at this time I was freaked out because I knew what he was doing, I understood that this fuckster was playing with my brain. But again I brushed it off, next day he said that he loves me, and This was what I shouted at 2:00 am in the morning “WHAT?! FUCK NO” thank God my parents and grandparents were not at home and only my sister was with me. I knew that this was crazy and I should stop it. Next, day he again talked about this girl he likes and that she is his neighbor. I thought it was the same girl but she wasn’t and he denied guys, he denied telling me that he liked a different girl one day ago.

Voldermort here even after knowing that I hate lies was lying to me. I fumed up I mean Sweet bunnyfussy slippers, NO ONE LIES TO ME. And then, it all clicked he is playing with me. But then when I showed him the proof that he did tell me that he likes someone else, he made an excuse saying “oh, she’s..I just have a crush on her”. And I thought okay, I gave him a benefit of doubt.

But then this kept on happening and I knew that I can’t brush his words off anymore like not even a slightest I just can’t and then when he called me I blocked him.

But my brain had other plans

*He was like let’s make you unblock him because Bitch I am not done yet* and I did exactly that I fucking unblocked him. And confronted him, I knew I need that and I wanted to get completely over with this, I wanted to put a full stop on this.

Now, I unblocked him but I waited for him to text me and when he did, he said “I called you because I lost my grandpa in an accident and I was in the hospital” but guys when I last talked to him, he was with his friends watching movie. But before I can point it out he spoke again, he said “ I am coming to your city and since we are friends again can we meet?” And I said “No,we can’t” and He said “ look I am getting this dress stitched for you and and I already paid for it, so can you tell me your Size, because I want the dress to be perfect” and I said “ look I don’t want any dress and don’t even talk to me ever again I am blocking you” He said “ I don’t want to hear anything you are going to take the dress, do whatever you want to do with it burn it for all I care, I know you that you will take it anyways after reading the name of the label”. After reading this I felt like a fucking gold digger. And no one has ever said those words to me. And he crossed all the limits. I told him “The I don’t wanna fucking talk to you and this is it I know that you are a lair, I was ignoring all of your lies and don’t you ever call me” He said “ if you’re not going to talk to me then I will die” and this was it, this guy was totally black mailing me because he added “ my mother is not at home I am alone you know I can cut my wrist” I was freaked out people and I knew that he will not do anything I knew it, but if I stop rightnow of if I listen to him then he will use this as an advantage in future and I can’t let a guy have so much control over me so my last words to him were “Then, have a great time in between hell and heaven because Satan will not let you enter the hell and heaven is obviously out of the option for you”

Then I blocked him.

*My brain freaking had the guts to say I told you so*

Well, I know this is pretty fucked up thing but I learned one thing from this case that The best friend you can ever have is yourself. You don’t need anyone else for making yourself happy. I know sometimes it can be lonely and you need someone.

You know when I feel like this, I do something to distract myself specially my brain.

Another thing I posted this is to warn you guys to never download that Poopythingy. And that if you’re going through this then remember that you’re not the only one with bad luck in making friends.

Also, reading something and experiencing something are two different things, so please when you’re reading this, I request you to put yourself in my shoes. And even if you don’t get what I am trying to say then well then you should do nothing. I don’t care.

I was actually reading out chats, and those are cringy AF, I was such a kind a year ago. I mean yuck I will never talk to someone the way I talked to him.

[hoyoungy]

blocked.zip | soonyoung (iii)

genre: comedy, “fbi agent” au | fbi agent!soonyoung x reader summary: you’ve gotten away with downloading a lot of copyrighted content in the past, but now the fbi agent assigned to you has had enough of it word count: 1306 a/n: this is fun to write lol. warnings include swearing

part ii

“Honey, I’m home ~” you greeted your barista roommate as you entered the coffee shop below your apartment. You sat at your usual seat at the counter on a very uncomfortable barstool.

“Ah, jagi!” she cooed, handing you your routinely cappuccino. “How was school?”

“Annoying. I took notes with a pen and paper for the first time since freshman year. I felt like a caveman…”

“That’s what you get for downloading so much shit - hey! What did I say about opening that thing here!” she scolded, pointing at your laptop accusingly.

“To not, but I have to graduate some day and I’m not willing to wait another semester.”

“Can’t you do that upstairs!? The FBI might spy on the cafe and see how much the employees here slack off and my boss is going to kill me!”

“No, because I don’t want to study in our apartment anymore! Home should be a place of peace and quiet and ever since I broke the law, I can’t even listen to a song without Soonyoung judging my taste!”

“You guys are on a first-name basis? Seriously?”

“Yeah, crazy, right? He’s like Siri, but with personality and a bit creepier.”

“Uh, excuse me?” a customer interrupted.

Both you and your roommate snapped your heads simultaneously to the register where a cute boy waited patiently for his order to be taken. He wore a white button up that was loosely buttoned and trousers, looking like he worked at a standard 9-5 job. His hair looked soft and messy, very boy-ish of him, and wore a sheepish smile that made your heart do backflips.

“Sorry, I’ll be right with you!” your roommate called out to him. “Don’t you dare open your laptop until I secure the network.”

“U-Uh yeah, sure.”

You sneakily spied on your roommate taking the cute boy’s order. Oh, he ordered a cappuccino, too! He smiled at your roommate with puffy, glowing cheeks and you had no idea how she kept her composure the way that she did. You must have been staring for too long because soon he turned to meet your gaze and shot you a teasing wink.

Oh shit, he caught you!

You tried to concentrate on your empty and dry phone as the sound of his dress shoes clicking against the floor came closer to you. He ended up sitting next to you with a chair in between so he wouldn’t freak you out with lack of personal space.

“Interesting phone you have there,” he said, noting your intense and concentrated stare at your locked phone.

“U-Uh, yeah… I tend to zone out a lot…”

“I can tell,” he smirked. His eyes angled like a fox in the cutest way.

“Cappuccino for Hoshi?” your roommate called, handing him his drink from behind the counter. Her eyes twinkled mischievously when she saw you interacting with Hoshi.

“Have a nice day,” he told you.

“You, too…!” When he was out the door, you smacked your forehead against the counter. “Why can’t I be normal?”

“Because you aren’t. Was it that bad?”

“He caught me staring at him and then he winked at me and then I stared at the black screen on my phone.”

“Yikes… Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think he thought it was cute.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why else would he just sit next to you and start talking to you like that!?”

“Sympathy.”

“You should really work on your self-confidence.”

“Easier said than done.”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt love,” you said aloud in your empty apartment in front of your open laptop.

Your roommate was still closing up at the cafe as you sat in your kitchen talking to your laptop, or hopefully Soonyoung, if he was still monitoring you. It’s been about a week now since he’s been watching you, but not much was said between you since the first two days, other than the normal good morning or evening.

On the other side, Soonyoung sipped his now-chilled cappuccino with a raised brow when he heard you speak. He thought maybe he was hearing things, or maybe accidentally logged onto someone else’s server, but nope, your name was still on his screen.

What a way to start his shift.

“Uh, what?” he asked through his headset.

“I’ve never really been in a serious relationship before, nor have I felt much remorse whenever I cut someone off, so I’m starting to think that I don’t really know what love feels like, you know?”

“I mean, I guess… Why are you thinking this all of a sudden?”

“So I kind of met this really cute guy today and I totally embarrassed myself! I was just staring at him before he approached me and started to tease me about trying not to get caught staring. I know his name because he picked up his order at a coffee shop, but I never gave him mine and now I’ll never see him again!”

You heard Soonyoung laugh at your embarrassment through your laptop speakers. It was a cute story - reminded him of when he saw that cute girl today at that cafe…

“Soonyoung, what do I do!?” you whined.

“I’m not a matchmaker or Siri.”

“Hey, Soonyoung!” you called out like you were calling to Siri. “How can a desperate twenty-something year-old find love!?”

“Socialize like a regular human being instead of talking to her laptop.”

“Ugh, you’re no help,” you groaned. “Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

“One a couple of years ago but then she left me for a med student,” Soonyoung scoffed. The espresso in his drink started to taste bitter.

“Sorry ‘bout it. She’s going to regret it one day when you finally become a real FBI agent! But hey, cheers to the single life, huh? I’m sure there’s someone out there for the both of us.”

“You believe in that stuff? Like soulmates?”

“Sure I do. It’s the only explanation as to why I’ve been single my whole life,” you joked sadly. “But in all honesty, I don’t think I believe in it. But who knows, maybe once I meet the one, I might change my mind. For now, though, I’ll just wait.”

“How can you be so open about finding your soulmate but not about legal internet use…”

“Because that shit is free, Soonyoung - my will to believe and not believe is free will. If I’m paying $65 a month for supposedly 50 Mbps, that should include music and video downloading.”

“Well, it doesn’t.”

“Clearly, since that internet bundle came with you instead.”

“And I’ll be here for a long time.”

“If you say so. Have fun sticking around. I think I’m going to take a shower. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to play some music while I do so.”

“You’re not afraid that I’m gonna take snapshots of you naked in front of your webcam?” he teased.

“... Do you want to? I mean, would you let me off the hook if I did -”

“Oh, my God, I’m joking,” Soonyoung groaned, pinching his nose bridge again. A bruise was forming from this past week of monitoring you.

“I’m kidding, jeez! Ok, I’m in my bathroom. You might want to turn your volume down.”

“Why, what are you listening to - JESUS CHRIST!”

Soonyoung’s head twitched violently as he shoved his headset off and tried to soothe the ringing in his ears. His colleagues gathered around his chair again just like last week and peaked at his screen.

“What happened?” Mingyu asked.

“Her music’s really loud…”

“Is she… is she showering…?”

��Yup.”

“PRETTY MOTHAFUCKA IDOL ~” they heard you scream in your shower. “ASAP COPY PASTE THAT -”

“You always get the cool ones,” Seungkwan whined.

“Yeah, lucky me…”

“She has great taste in music at least,” Mingyu smirked.

[myneighborhood-thelake]

IronMan Canada 1998

IMC '98 meant a lot to me because it paved the way for some major changes in my life which I really needed to make. There are probably to many tri-related details and too many extraneous issues in this and the subsequent post that I will send out. I apologise in advance if you dislike rambling stories, but the IMC experience was much more than 14 hours 10 minutes and 48 seconds of swimming, biking and running (walking). It was over a year of contemplation and training, and it was 10 years of racing narrowed down into one event.

That said, please enjoy.

I think that my story starts out about 5 years ago. I was putting myself through my final years of college and money was just a little tight. I made a conscious choice to stop racing triathlons for a while to reduce my expenses. I graduated and landed a great job with excellent potential for advancement. Since I was pushing hard in my career tri's were still regulated to the backseat. 2 1/2 years passed in that job and I was experiencing severe burnout. I had focused all of my intensity on my work, and work was not as exciting as it had been when I was fresh out of college.

Labor Day (U.S.) 1997. One of my best friends got married in Philadelphia - which is an incredible town. At an after party I was talking with a couple of people - an associate editor of Triathlete magazine and a guy who occasionally does a few tri's. The tri-geek was trying to get the Triathlete editor to give him a slot for Kona. He would have been better off trying to score a date with her - there was no way that she was going to conjure up a Kona slot. She suggested IMC as a place to qualify.

The wheels in my head started to turn - "I need a challenge" "I have wanted to get back into tri's for several years" "I need a really big challenge to get me out of my workaholic rut" "Maybe I should try IMC"

Back at work I downloaded the IMC '98 application and contemplated the commitment to training for an IM. My wife was 100% behind me signing up for IMC. When we started dating I was racing tri's in Southern California, and she knows how much I enjoyed the scene. I bit the bullet and mailed in my application. I even started training  - somewhat. Four plus  years of inactivity had taken their toll. I had purchased a new Kestrel KM40 in the fall of 1996, but I only had ridden it for about 100 miles in the year since I bought it. It was pretty embarrassing to be out riding my shiny, new Kestrel as I was getting passed by everyone on the road.

I soon subscribed to Tri-DRS and saw all the traffic about IMC filling up in record time. I wondered, I worried, I fretted, and then the confirmation letter came. It was true - I was going to Canada in 9 months.

To say the least - I was really scared. I was out of shape. I had never done an Ironman. I used to train for Oly distance races using a "feeling" plan - "How do I feel today and what do I want to do?"  I knew that I could not train for an Ironman on such an ad hoc training plan.

I wrote down my goals for IMC '98. A

1. Finish my first Ironman. 2. Have fun.

After the race I would: 1. Smile. 2. Hug my wife. 3. Be happy that I went from couch potato to Ironman in 10 months!!!!

I needed some help in training, so I talked with my college teammate and now QR pro Greg Thompson. Greg suggested that I contact Lauren Alexander for coaching advice. The best thing that I did in the months prior to IMC was hire Lauren as my coach. She is a major asset.

The months flew by, I had a hideous race at Wildflower, I DNF'd at San Jose due to a mechanical, I finally had a great race at a local sprint tri and I did pretty well at the 1/2 Vineman. The 1/2 Vineman taught me that I could overcome problems during a race and still continue on to a good finish. I sent out numerous emails to both the Tri-DRS and the IMC lists asking all kinds of stupid questions. Luckily there are a lot of great people on the list who answered my questions and gave me some great guidance. Unbelievably - Taper Time for IMC arrived - my first IM was only 3 weeks away.

During all of this IM training,  life continued to march forward. My wife continued her studies and supported my training endeavors. My job structure changed again, and again, and again, and finally I found a new job that started two weeks before IMC - of course I negotiated a one week break for IMC into my offer. As always there was a multitude of issues to deal with that really got in the way with training. As time marched on I forgot about my initial race goals - I started thinking about racing IMC as opposed to surviving it, and that was a big mistake. My initial goals were what I should have focused on, but I wasted a lot time worrying about split times, average speed and run paces.

Tuesday Afternoon,

Flew from San Francisco to Vancouver. A hometown friend drove to Penticton, so I stashed my bike in his mini-van for the trip. I did not have to worry about packing a bike box, or whether my bike would arrive in Penticton on my flight.

While waiting for the puddle jumper from Vancouver to Penticton, some guy sat next to me and asked me if I was doing the race. I am not sure why he would look at me and assume that I was racing IMC - Okay, maybe the shaved legs and Specialized transition bag were pretty good indicators. He introduces himself as Scott Adams (it sounds familiar). I introduce myself as Ron Renwick. Sometimes it is very useful to have your name and email address coincide. Scott recognized my name, and further introduced himself as an infrequent poster to Jason's IMC list - this is a really small world!  Another friend of mine, Bill - from my Wildflower debacle, showed up and we waited for the plane to Penticton.

We arrived in Penticton. Scott had a seat next to me on the plane where he tried to avoid listening to me whine about how hungry I was for the duration of the flight. Thanks for the pretzels Scott. In the Penticton airport, Scott started talking to this big guy with bright 'blonde' hair and a smaller guy with very little hair. Jason Mayfield and Bruce Grant had come to pick up Scott. I think that Bruce's wife and Eric Austin may have been there too, but it was a few days ago and my memory is not what it used to be. Scott's bike actually made it into Penticton on our flight. My buddy Bill was not so lucky. His bike did not show (as expected), and Canadian Airlines had lost his suitcase too. His carry-on consisted solely of his race wheels, so he was not a happy camper.

Bill and I made our way to the Rochester Resort - 2 doors from the Sicamous, and "The Best Value On The Beach."  It was late so we walked the 10 steps to Salty's restaurant for a bite to eat. FYI, avoid Salty's if possible. Bill was able to buy a toothbrush at the local convenience store - he now had race wheels, the clothes on his back and a toothbrush - Bill was not a happy camper.

Wednesday,

0700 - I made my way to the Sicamous for my first pre-IMC swim. I met so many people that I had emailed with over the last 10 months. I only swam for 20 minutes, but meeting everyone was incredible. My goggles broke during the swim - add one more thing to my "Must Buy" list.

After a shower Bill and I walked downtown to the Hog's Breath. We grabbed a cup of coffee and some breakfast. Bill was impressed that we kept bumping into Tri-DRS'ers. I finally told him that "Everything I know about Penticton I learned on from the List."  Which meant that anywhere we went we were sure to bump into some Deads. We walked around town, checked out the construction zone of the Athlete's village and hit the Bike Barn - a really cool bike store. Most bike shops in the SF Bay area are pretty streamlined. They look more like a Blockbuster Video store than a neighborhood bike shop  - everything is in its proper spot. The Bike Barn rocks - racks of stuff and a good assortment of bikes. Bins were overflowing with stuff. It was a great place to dig around for bike goodies. The place was humming with tri-bikes. There must have been at least 8 workstands going continuously.

We went to lunch at Front Street Pasta (Jason's choice) a great meal for a very low price. I finally met Dave 'the starving student" Barclay. Jason was quite the entertainment director - as the week progressed he started looking more and more like Julie Tewes, the Cruise Director from the Love Boat ;-).

My bike arrived in the afternoon - reassembly consisted of putting the front wheel back on (no allen wrenches for me). For dinner it was Front Street Pasta again this time with my bike hauling friend Ray, Bill, Dead Chris Nugent and lurking Dead Bob Castaldi. A post-dinner beer with Ray and Greg Pressler was quite relaxing. Greg truly is a poet at heart.

Thursday

Thursday was my glycogen depletion/carbo load day so I did a solo swim and run and 4 of us rode the first 15 miles of the bike course out and back. We meant to ride the run course, but we turned left on McClean by mistake. We then picked up our registration packets and got our wrist bands. It was official - I was signed up for an Ironman.

Friday

I missed the 0700 swim by 10 minutes, so I did not get to meet anyone new from the list. However, after the swim I finally met the person that I have tried to meet for months now. We train in the same locations, we race the same races and we live only a few miles apart, but I had never met this person. Finally, after a 2000 mile trek to Canada, I finally met Tri-Baby, the one the only Tricia Richter. Now I wonder how the hell I missed seeing her in other races!  And I thought that Jason had some noticable hair.

My buddy Ray and I went to the Hog's Breath after the swim for a dose of caffeine, and we bumped into some deads (imagine that). Gerry Kuse was talking to Tricia and Skippy. He was wearing a 1993 Mike and Rob's shirt, a race that I had my 1/2 IM PR in way back when (it's a small world). It turns out the Gerry and I have raced at several of the same races over the years.

At the carbo load dinner we learned that there would be 675 IronVirgins racing on Sunday. 40% of the racers were attempting there first IM. Wow!

Saturday

My wife flew into town on Saturday morning. I was really glad to see her. She had been so supportive of my training, and she deserves the title of IronMate. She had originally been scheduled to fly up with me on Tuesday, but her school schedule mandated that she stay at home during the pre-race week and attend classes. I often say that you should always have at least one smart person in the family, and I was lucky enough to marry well.

The day pretty much flew by with the pre-race meeting, the parade, packing Special Needs Bags and bike check-in. My nutrition plan was pretty simple - Gu and Cytomax and salt tabs. I had trained with Gu, Cyto and salt tabs over the past 10 months with great results. At the last minute I decided to toss an Okanagan pear into my Bike Special Needs Bag.

A post parade dinner at the Gunbarrel and a walk home were all that I needed for the evening. It was time to get some sleep. Before I drifted off I thought back to my original goals. Oh yeah, I was here to have fun. I was not here to break 14 or 12 or 10 hours, but I still held out for a good race even though I knew that I just wanted to finish. I wish that I would have looked back on my goals more often.

The actual Race Report follows.

Sunday - RACE DAY

I started the day with a 3:00 am breakfast run to Denny's. Ray and I figured that an early breakfast would be useful for us. I had actually slept for about 5 or 6 hours the night before, and I felt pretty good.

At about 5:00 am I gathered my Special Needs Bags and swim gear bag and marched 3/4 of a mile to the transition. I got body marked, Championchipped and went straight to my bike. Even at 0500 the volunteers were friendly and incredibly helpful. I chose to leave my floor pump at the hotel [good choice] - with my floor pump absent from the transition area there were only 1,699 floor pumps in the TA waiting to be used. In addition there was a crew from the Bike Barn with a compressed air cylinder for filling tires. I pumped up my Conti's to about 160psi, loaded my aerobag, filled my jetstream and walked around the corner to the Swim and Run transition bag racks.

The 2 hours from 0500 to 0700 flew by. I chatted with a few friends, revelled in the fact that I was about to start my first Ironman and donned my wetsuit. I did a warm up swim for about 10 minutes in the clear Lake Okanagan. I chatted with Chris Nugent. I high-fived and chatted with Greg Pressler. In Greg's race report he mentioned that he saw "fire in Ron's eyes."  With all due respect, I think that Greg is confusing the "Happy Face" holograms on my goggles with fire.

Meeting the people on this list has been a special thrill, both Greg and I have both been doing tri's for over 10 years, but we had waited until now for our first IM. We both had that "This is finally it" feeling, he went on to an incredible race that he really deserved.

The day before the race, Greg had a great observation about the IMC swim course. "It's an International Distance swim on the way out, a few hundred meters to the right and a 1/2 IM swim on the way home - we have done this before."

Oh Canada was played. I think that I heard some bagpipes somewhere, and the race STARTED!

I was here to have fun so I held back for a few seconds to let the mass of humanity clear out from the start line. I started swimming. I kept thinking to myself "This is so COOL!  I am finally doing an IronMan."  I passed the first set of marker bouys and thought to myself "WOW, I just passed my first set of IronMan marker bouys. This is AWESOME!"

The swim went very well. It was much less brutal than Wildflower, and the course is very well marked. I  was so happy to be racing. I was bumped a few times, I swam over a few folks, I drafted a little and hit some toes and I was drafted off of. I hit the first houseboat (leg 1) in 25 minutes - I was ecstatic. I stopped for a second to adjust the neck of my wetsuit as I was experiencing a little chafe. I made it to the second right turn at 35 minutes - one more leg to go. The swim course is so well marked that I had to do very little sighting - maybe one look every 10 strokes. Basically, the swim was all mine. I focussed completely on how I was doing. If I bumped someone or got kicked it just did not matter. I really enjoyed being out there. I hit the beach and attempted to walk over the annoying rocks.

I looked at my watch - I had completed the swim in 1:06!!!!!!!!

I was expecting to have a 1:20 swim as I have only been in the water 5 or 6 times since Wildflower in May, and two of those times were tri swims. A 1:06 was incredible.

I thought "It cannot get any better than this!"

It did not get any better.

In fact, things got far, far worse.

SWIM TO BIKE TRANSITION

I wore my Speedo and singlet under my wetsuit during the swim, so I only had to don my cycling shoes and helmet. I also stopped to urinate - little did I know that I would not have to worry about that for the next 12 hours. . .

I rolled out of town feeling really good. I had just finished an incredible swim, and I was finally starting on the bike leg of my first Ironman!  I took it easy for the first 5 miles - I figured that I had 107 more miles to make up time. I hit the drops as we hit South Main Street. My first priority was to hydrate and the cytomax was not tasting very good. I spun my way up McClean Road and picked off many people on the downhill - when you weigh 195 pounds downhills are a real rush. My stomach was a little tight, but I attributed that to being so early in the race.

At the bottom of McClean someone was nice enough to tell me that I had lost my pump during the rapid descent. The bracket holding my pump on my bike broken off. "Nothing I can do about it now - I hope that I don't flat."

At about mile 10 my JetStream went dry. I had a bottle of highly concentrated Cytomax on my downtube with markings on the bottle to delineate portions. I shot some Cyto concentrate into my JetStream and filled the rest with water to make a 7% solution. I immediately took a drink from my JetStream. The concentrate and the water had not mixed together, so I got about an 80% solution of Cyto in that mouthful.

I should have pulled off the side of the road and tossed my cookies.

I chose to keep the cytomax concentrate down and chase it with water - it's hard to say, but this may have been a big mistake.

My stomach started cramping big time!  I could no longer drink. I tried to take a Gu, but I could not get it down. 10 miles into the bike and I could neither hydrate nor feed - OH NO!

I tried some different positions on the bike to alleviate my stomach cramps. The aero position put direct pressure on my abdomen which was not feeling too good. I alternated between sitting upright and going aero.

I was still doing pretty good with respect to speed. At mile 41 I took the right turn to head up Richter.

Can someone please tell me why both Wildflower and IMC have a hill at  Mile 41???

At the base of Richter I was still holding a 22.5mph average. Then I started climbing Richter. In the grand scheme of things Richter is not a terrible climb. I ride much worse on my regular training rides. However, Richter is at mile 41 of an IM and I had not eaten much for 3 hours (swim and bike time)

I bonked.

I hurt.

I struggled to the top of Richter,

I cursed the wind.

I quit looking at my heart rate monitor - it just did not matter.

I got passed by most of the people racing at IMC.

I got passed by pedestrians who were walking up Richter.

The downhill after Richter should have been a lot of fun, but I could not hold a good tuck. I only hit 47 mph. The uphill after Richter and the rollers through the Osoyoos were intolerable. I just kept pedaling forward. I stopped at about mile 60 to eat a banana - finally I was able to consume something. I was very happy that it stayed down. I continued to slog forward. The head wind was really causing problems. Even the flat spots were hard to ride. I promised myself that I would take a break when I got my special needs bag. I passed a med tent on the way out the second out and back section. I was very tempted to stop and take a nap.

When I got my special needs bag, I rode to the closest clear spot, dropped my bike and sat down. I  opened my bag. The Gu's were completely unappetizing, but the pear looked great. I started eating my Okanagan pear  - man that tasted good. Unfortunately that was the only good item in my SNB. [Note to Self:  diversify nutrition plans in future long races]. Some saint in one of Jason's IMC-RST jerseys stopped next to me. It was John Welch. He had an extra turkey sandwich that tasted incredible. I could eat! This tall guy with a mustache and a blue Softride stopped next to me. He was not having a good day. My personal saint, Jeff, said "George are you OK."  It was George Ball. Since I was sitting on the ground in close proximity I have to say - George has some big, skinny feet. George was not feeling too good, and he crossed the road to sit down in a chair.

I shouted to a teammate, Gerry Morton, but he looked around at eye level and missed me sitting down. I saw Tri-Baby, and pretty soon Steve "Gibbo" Gibson rolled up. Gibbo looked incredibly fresh. He looked more like he had just started his ride than that he had already ridden 75 miles. Gibbo's special needs bag was missing and he was pretty irate about not getting to his vegemite sandwiches. To be honest, I have tried the stuff and I think that he was better off not having access to his vegemite, but then again I am not an Aussie ;-).

I gave myself 20 minutes of rest at the special needs stop. The first couple of miles felt OK, but soon thereafter my quads wanted to quit (again).

The course turned back onto Highway 3A and started the gradual climb to Yellow Lake Hill. It was really hot and really windy. Then we hit Yellow Lake Hill. I kept telling myself to live only in the moment - forget about the rest of the race - things will get better, but I was really hurting. It became a battle of feet. Instead of pushing to get to the next mile marker, I goaled for the next traffic sign or the next rock on the shoulder of the road. Bit by bit, pedal turn by pedal turn.

Finally, I stopped on the climb and sat on my top tube for a while (I chose not to time myself). Most people were really great. Almost all of the athletes asked if I was OK, and the race marshalls stopped to check on me. I seriously thought about dropping out. I looked at my watch just as it hit the 7 hour mark. I was at mile 90. I did a quick calculation - I had 10 hours to ride 22 miles and run a marathon. 22 mile rides are easy spins during training. I could do this.

I chose not to DNF. I started riding again. I passed some guy who was walking his bike and I decided to do the same. Two teammates passed me as I was walking, my buddy Ray and Tana, who always looks like she is just out doing an easy training ride even though she is hammering along. They made sure that I was OK as the cruised on by. I made it to the aid station at the top of the hill. A volunteer offered me cold, de-fizzed Pepsi. Pepsi was not in my pre-race plan, but then again, walking up Yellow Lake was not in my plan - I took the Pepsi.

The caffeine and sugar boost was amazing. I started riding once again. My stomach wanted to get rid of the Pepsi, but I made it stay down. I passed Ray and I caught Tana. Tana and I chatted for a minute until my specialty arrived - the Yellow Lake Downhill. I expected to cruise with the downhill bias back into town, but after the big downhill the headwind took over again. I slogged back to the transition area.

As I crossed paths with the people already on the run course I tried to assess their condition. Some people looked pretty good, but most were looking pretty tired. I got to the transition area, but I forgot to slip out of my shoes before I handed off my bike. My brain was not working too well.

BIKE TO RUN TRANSITION

Since I was going to wear my speedo and singlet for the run I did not need to change. I went into the changing tent just to sit down for a while. I applied some vaseline and stuck some reflective tape on my speedo. Ray had slipped the reflective tape in my Bike-Run bag (thanks Ray). I ate a little watermelon and drank some water. The watermelon tasted great, but I was worried about it staying down during the run. I left the changing tent to start my first ever marathon.

An Amazing IMC tidbit - I fully expected to have to carry my gear bags to a rack and hang them up. For both transitions you simply leave the gear bag on the ground. A volunteer comes along and gathers up the gear bag and hangs it on a rack - so simple - so easy for the athlete.

THE RUN

My original plan had been to start running slowly and see how things turned out. Running slowly was not a problem - everything was going to be slow. Running fast was unthinkable. I walked the aid stations, drank, ate a little bit and drenched myself with sponges. It was really hot!!

My first mile was an 11:30 and I was really happy. I hit mile 2 in 22:30 - amazingly I was actually picking up the pace (if only slightly). I walked mile 4. At mile 6, I was caught by some guy who wanted ibuprofen. After Vineman I made sure that I had Ibu with me, so I handed him a tablet. We chatted for a while until it became obvious that we knew each other. It was Dennis from RST and Greg Pressler's friend. Dennis pulled me to the run turnaround by alternating running and walking. Dennis kept talking about his Run special needs bag that contained a pair of dry socks. I remembered that my SNB only had Gu.

[see Note to Self from Bike Special Needs bag section - vary the contents of the Special Needs Bag]]

My split time for the 13.1 miles to the turnaround was 3 hours even. My friend Bill ran into and out of the turnaround looking great. He had a mechanical on the bike that cost him almost an hour.

Then I remembered that I had also put a pair of dry socks in my special needs bag. In fact I had brought a pair to Canada just for this purpose. The socks were pretty old, so if I chose not to wear them it was no big deal if I lost them. I was so happy that I had remembered to put fresh socks into my Needs Bag. The socks would only provide a momentary relief, but that moment would be enough. I needed something to brighten my day.

Dennis and I sat down to open our special needs bags. We ripped off our shoes and wet socks. We opened our special needs bags. Dennis pulled out a pair of dry socks.

OOPS!  I had forgotten to pack the socks. I put my sweaty socks and shoes back on. Putting wet, icky socks back on was not the most pleasant feeling. The delivery truck with the chicken soup stopped at the turnaround.

I originally had hoped to be off the course by the time the chicken soup hit the aid stations. I had never envisioned myself only being halfway through the run when the chicken soup came out. Oh well, here I was and the soup smelled good. I sipped a cup and almost hurled. What is manna from heaven for many triathletes just did not sit well with me - I gagged at the first sip.

We started back down the road toward Penticton. The sun was starting to set which meant that it would finally cool off. Ray was just climbing the hill to the turnaround. He was surprised that the turnaround had come so soon - he looked smooth in his running form - nice and steady.

For Dennis and I it was:

Run some.

Walk more.

I ate what little I could at the aid stations.

Ray caught up to us just as we caught up to Bill. Bill had looked great leaving the turnaround, but he was struggling through a low point now. The four of us marched slowly along - it was good to know that every step was bringing us back into town. After a while Bill perked up again, and he and Ray started jogging back to town. Dennis and I kept shuffling along. A mile or two later, Dennis ducked into a porta-potty and I just stopped by the side of the road - the first time that I had urinated in 12+ hours!  Believe it or not it was a major mental boost. I had really been starting to worry about my kidneys.

It became apparent that Dennis had a lot more left in his legs than I did. I wished him luck as he disappeared around a corner. My feet were really starting to hurt. I did not have any blisters or abrasions, but it felt like someone had taken a meat tenderizer to the soles of my feet and my toes. I was almost hoping that a couple of my toes would just fall off so that they would not hurt anymore. I came around a corner and hit another aid station. On the other side of the aid station Ray and Bill were walking slowly. They had dropped their pace in order to wait for me - THANKS GUYS!!!!

At that point we were about 20 miles into the marathon. Two women came running by us like it was a 10K - I wondered where they got the energy from. A few seconds later about 4 guys caught us and they laid out their very detailed plan for breaking 14 hours. It is great to be at a race with sooooo many engineers - almost everyone is incredibly analytical. The plan was pretty simple - hold 11 minute miles and we would break 14 hours, but these guys had even calculated walking zones and rest stops..... To everyone we passed - two of the guys kept on saying - "hop on the 9:00 o'clock express. You can do it."

It turns out that the guys had also shared their plan with the two women who had run by like gazelles. The women had found something inside themselves and they chose to push it hard into town. Unfortunately we passed them about 1/2 mile later as they could not hold that pace that they had charged ahead with.. We left the water line of Skaha Lake and started climbing the rollers. I passed another guy and this time I looked back and saw a Tri-DRS singlet. I introduced myself and finally met Jay Capers.

The group of us was still shuffling along trying to hold 11 minute miles. The detail oriented engineer guys were still calculating our odds of breaking 14.   I dropped off as we went through the Skaha rollers, but I was able to catch the group again on the downhills. Ray and Bill were feeling pretty good, so they pulled ahead. This left me with the two human calculators/cheerleaders. The guy on the right introduced himself. I was not hearing or concentrating very well so I thought that he said his name was "Ralph."  He corrected me that his name was not "Ralph" but  "Rolf" - even my feeble brain was able to decipher that I was running next the "Keeper of the IMC Lodging and Goal Times List"  I introduced myself to Rolf Arands.

The guy on my left said "didn't I give you a sandwich at the bike Special Needs Bag?"  It was John Welch of RST. He had saved me on the bike and he was trying to pull me in for a sub 14 hour finish.

As before - we were shuffling along - only we had picked up the pace to give ourselves a margin of error. We debated about how fast we were running

"do you think this is a 9 minute mile?" "I think it's more like an 8:30" "Yeah right, like we could run 8:30's right now?" "It sure feels like an 8:30"

We turned onto Main Street and hit the aid station. I had to walk and asked Rolf and John to run on. Rolf tried to talk me into running with them, but I was not up for it. The finish line was getting closer, but I was hurting too much - my feet were lodging a formal protest.

I kept trudging along on Main Street. The fans were incredibly helpful. An ironvet on a bike talked to me for over a block - he was very motivating. I promised him that I wouild run again when there were three stoplights to go. Hurricane  Bob Mina passed me and I congratulated him. I started jogging again.

Two blocks from the Hog's Breath I picked up my pace. I ran (actually ran - not jogged) the last few yards of Main Street - high fiving the kids and cheering with the crowd. I could not believe that I was running. The left turn onto Lakeshore Drive was incredible. I ran hard to the finish line and crossed in 14:10:48.

I completed my goal. I had gone from couch to Canada in 10 months. I am an IRONMAN.

POST-RACE:

Two incredible volunteers escorted me from the finish line. Somehow I received my IMC towel, finisher's medal and T-shirt (the correct size - how do they do it?). The ladies escorted my to the line for the massage tent per my request - they stayed with me for several minutes until they were sure that I was OK - they brought me water and some chicken soup. The chicken soup actually tasted great. I had a great massage, and I walked back to the finish line to find my wife who was standing right next to the results tent. It was sooooo good to see her. I got my congratulatory hug (over the snow fence) and I heard how proud she was of my accomplishment. After a very long day that was filled with ups and downs it was very uplifting to hear her words.

I picked up my gear bags, changed into some dry clothes, had my finishers photo taken (remember to wear your finisher's shirt and medal - they look great in the photo), I soaked my legs in a hot tub, and I waited to no avail for some pizza. I then picked up my bike and Winter and I walked back to the Rochester. My eyes felt like they had a salt shaker dumped in them - I had to squint to see anything. Winter was hungry after waiting for me for several hours so we went to the Iguana for a bite - nothing else was open at 11:00pm. Fajitas in Canada are not what I am used to - what is a tomato tortilla anyhow????  My stomach was still in an act of rebellion so I took my meal home to eat the next day. We turned on Channel 11 to watch the 17 hour finishers - there was no way that I was going to make it back to the finish line. The fireworks (like the start cannon) went off a little early. I then realized why my eyes were barely open - I was EXHAUSTED. I passed out almost immediately.

THE DAYS AFTER

I awoke on Monday feeling hungry (finally). My stomach was still a little tender, but I managed to eat.

I was happy to have completed my first IM in such difficult conditions, but I was frustrated that I had fallen apart during the race. 14 hours was much longer than what I had hoped to do.

I contemplated IMC '99. My legs hurt, my stomach still ached and I had not totalled the bills for the cost of IMC '98. I did not want to come back to Penticton again in '99. Then I thought twice - this race has the best organization and volunteers of any race that I have ever done. I want to do better than a 14 hour IM. In a month I would be ready to contemplate IMC '99, but I would not have a month to decide. I chose to submit my application for '99.

The rest of the day was a blur - finisher's merchandise, results book (Vineman and Wildflower's took about 3 months to arrive - IMC's was complete with pictures in about 10 hours), awards ceremony, shopping, packing, meeting friends, handing my bike off to Ray for the drive home. soon it was Tuesday morning and time to fly home.

Back home I evaluated the race. In Penticton, surrounded by IronVets, my finish did not look to stellar. As I reread my goals for the race and talked to non-triathletes I started thinking clearly again:

I have completed every one of my IMC '98 goals.

I am an Ironman.

I am not the same person that I was 10 months ago and I am very, very happy that I did what had to be done in order to finish.

To every IronVirgin out there - good luck training for your goals, and be sure to remember what your goals are!!!!

[noxperditus]

So, a little while ago Zarkon’s blog hit 200 followers...unfortunately I was sick as all hell and I couldn’t do much besides sleep and be miserable. So we’re a little late on the milestone, but hey! Any excuse to share some love.

LOYALISTS -

-Those who have proven their allegiance//Friends & fun people, in no particular order

@paterfamileo - Tali, holy crap. You are one of the people who has most affected my portrayal of Zarkon. From silly things like his (anti-)social drinking problem to the true depths of his possessive type of affection, your input has really helped me shape the muse. And your Alfor? He is perfection, I love him so much. Beyond Voltron, we’re into so many of the same things - from HZD to LoZ, I have so much fun talking to you about every little thing. I feel lucky that I can call you a friend.

@ograndsovereign - Devil, I’m gonna eat your delicious brain. You have NO IDEA how hyped I was when we started talking about Zarkon. I was practically vibrating in my chewed-up computer chair just... SUPER hype to talk about Zarkon with someone else who adores him. I love the differences and similarities between our Zarkons - and I still have that babby Zarkon starter in my drafts! - and our headcanons. We’ve talked about silly things and salted enough to season like a thousand pounds of steak. I love the way you write, and I love hearing your thoughts on the Galra. You’re also a very patient and understanding person, at least in my experience. I’m glad we met. Next on the docket for myself; downloading Warframe.

@bladechosen & @leaderchosen / @starchosen - Ari and Seka! Putting you two in the same paragraph since you’re like, inseparable entities in my mind. You two were some of the first to engage and plot with me on this blog, and I’m super happy you did. You’re both sweethearts, and I love the way you portray Keith and Shiro - and though it’s slowed down over the holiday season, I’m grateful you offered to help with the event I had planned. It’s still gonna happen if you’re still up to it, but there’s no rush on anyone. Ya’ll are also angst connoisseurs after my own heart. We haven’t plotted or talked that much recently, and that’s partly my fault for falling off the face of the earth. When you guys are feeling up it, I’d love to get back into things with you. Maybe a Discord group chat would be easier than separate tumblr chats?

@neurotiickind / @willowedpaladin / @terraveined / like a million other blogs - ALLY. Ally, you are a fucking gift unto this world. You’re hilarious and sweet and so easy to talk to. You were the first person to interact with me on this blog, and I’ve always been super grateful for that. I’m pretty sure I said it before in an ask, but you really helped me get comfortable in the VLD community. And holy shit, every muse you play you play them so well?? Hunk is the one I’ve interacted with most, and he’s such a cinnamon roll - but you know to let him have faults, and how to balance out his character. I love the way you write him, and I love his interactions with Zarkon - both crack and serious rp. The crack gives me life though, ngl.

@two-paladins - Ah yes, the culprit behind me developing a love for Zarkon/Trigel, both platonic and romantic. Dude, I was so hyped to see an active Trigel, and I LOVE plotting with you. And then you added Blaytz to your muse roster, because you were fucking sent from the heavens to bless us with that good OG Paladin content. Our first thread (which I have in my drafts, sorry for all the wait) was instrumental in developing the depth of Zarkon’s devotion to his Paladins. I just... I’m super glad we got to meet, man.

@voidborneleones / @devourer-heir - And here we have the other person who has most affected Zarkon’s development. Your take on the Lions is so deliciously creepy - I love how similar Black and Zarkon are in their obsession with and devotion to each other. We’ve made so many cool AUs, everything from Black returning to Zarkon’s side to the Voidtouched AU where she takes him as a child. I just love all the creepy, unsettling places we can go with them. And when we talk about them... gosh, it just sends chills up my spine.

@lionessofthestars - I was hella surprised when you followed me. Looking through your blog like, how did this quality writer find me?? You haven’t been as active recently, and I hope you’re doing okay. I loved talking and plotting with you, and I love how sassy your Blion is. It makes me smile to think of Blion climbing up onto Zarkon for mandatory cuddle times - and man, the pain she must feel seeing what he is now. There’s so much to explore with these two.

@viridisborne / @solumperditus - I mean, do I even have to say anything? You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t be where I am today if you hadn’t reached out to check on me - at the time a total stranger - several years ago. We’ve been through a lot since, and you’ve helped me become a better person. I’ve never felt more at home and safe than I did those weeks I spent at your place.

@freedomsought - King! I see you haven’t been too active of late, so gonna assume hiatus. Hope you’re doing okay! I had a lot of fun chatting with you in IM, everything from plot to salt to stupid silly shit. I just...such a quality Shiro. I can’t wait to see our muses beat the shit out of each other some more.

@grievousdivinity - I don’t know if you want your identity revealed, so I’m just gonna tag you on this blog. We haven’t done much IC, which is totally fine - no rush. But with your writing skill, I have total faith that you could write a killer Haggar. OOC is a different story, however. I really enjoy talking to you on discord, and now that I’m done dropping off the face of the earth I look forward to talking more~

@v-oidheart / @leaderwarrior - We ship a lot of the same terrible things. Delicious sin. It’s wonderful. Ship stuff aside, I love roleplaying with you. Your responses are always so well thought out and written, with insight into how your characters are thinking. I’m hype to get the event done and kick off the connecting AU - ‘cause playing Shiro and Kolivan opposite evil Zarkon is great, but man would I love to see how they react to a Paladin Zarkon. Particularly Kolivan.

@goofbcll & @galra-druid - Putting you two together because y’all were so kind enough to include me in a verse! You both fed my need for that unholy dark content. Like seriously, give me all of the corrupted Paladin plots. I’m already rubbing my tiny evil hands together at the thought of all the chaos a corrupted Hunk can bring. Ash, your OC is super cute and super creepy, and I love how she internally freaks out around her God-Emperor. And goofbcll (can’t recall your mun name, sorry!) I love how you write Hunk’s internal struggle. He is corrupted, but pieces of him remain deep down.

@suppressicn & @indcmiitable / @warbcund & @lifebcund - You two were some of the first to actively interact with me and Zarkon, and it was hella fun. I still have one thread in my drafts (because Zarkon is an uncooperative prick.) Ya’ll are also super sweet - you’ve checked in on me a few times when I wasn’t doing so hot, and it was very much appreciated. You two were hella fun to have on stream too - I hope you join the next time I host a movie night!

@depthsbled - So we haven’t talked too much, but I just wanted you to know that our thread (which like most is...sitting in my drafts) is one of my favourites. Lance doesn’t even know it but he is hurting Zarkon so much and it’s beautiful. I love the way you write Lance - I can hear his voice in the dialogue.

CHAMPIONS - 

-Those who have left an impact//Interaction has been minimal, but very much enjoyed!

 @iincendixm - @vrepit-sa - @beryllion - @haxuss - @cruxsought - @princesaleonaa - @silentconfliction - @galacticdemon - @pinkformourning - @rahbarii - @compassionateretainer - @intelsought - @takashi-s-g / @kings-virtue - @the-lost-lieutenant - @conqueror-heir - @iustuseo - @lnstinctive - @starredsouls - @officialmemekinglotor - @wxterbonded

SOLDIERS - 

-Those I have seen from afar//We haven’t interacted or spoken yet (or if so, very little) but I am interested in interaction should you ever wish it!

@ambiinchious - @blazerought - @battlethought - @invitoduce - @princepsstella - @el-tira-dor - @kogane - @astriium - @stasismort - @exiiledbrat - @impxriium - @exiledprincelotor - @inspireloyalty - @crueldiplomacy - @marksmcn - @galrheir - @luneleia

Alright, I think that’s everyone. Just to be clear, if you haven’t been listed it does not mean I do not want to interact! The people listed above are people I get along with, or people who have writing styles I find interesting and/or play characters I would love to interact with - and they play them in a way that sticks out in my mind.

Suffice it to say, if I follow you it’s because I want to try interacting.

So, thanks for 200+ everyone! See you at the next milestone~