#double edged sword i suppose
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m4rs-ex3 · 1 day ago
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i love rayllum because like yes! two kids with trauma who bond over it and go through even more together are perfect for each other and can have a beautiful relationship!! for those reasons they will also be very fucked up
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nato-obenkrieger · 2 months ago
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being in small fandoms is kinda so fun. like i probably am genuinely the biggest record scratch fan ever. but also i am the only one making any sort of content about them.
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untouchedsoap · 1 year ago
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there is something sooo fucking good about early seasons ian and mickey, about watching this summer fling turn into something more, the fear that elicited from mickey but him being unable to stop, finding those little moments hidden away and taking all this meaning from small gestures and persevering in dugouts and under bleachers and barely pressed confessions in the back of a church that is soo good for my brain
like i am very glad mickey gets to shout his love for ian from the mountain tops and also beat his love for ian into his dad's face but when he was clenching his teeth shut and his love for ian was coming out regardless ohhhhh baby i was eating
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cto10121 · 5 months ago
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how is jk rowling closer to dickens than donna tartt?
Rowling, like Dickens, is supremely devoted to social realism, which includes comedy, satire, and commentary. So naturally she also uses his techniques (significant character names, child POV with adult sensibility, etc.) and sometimes even tropes (abused orphan boy, mean relatives, relative and abject poverty, snobbery and classism, etc.). This is most glaringly apparent in the Strike series, to the point where they are more like sociological tomes than mysteries, but Harry Potter also fits the Dickensian mode very comfortably.
The difference is that Dickens was not really a mystery writer, whereas Rowling is, at least in plot. Also, Dickens had a much more visceral experience with poverty and institutional injustice than Rowling; there is a lack of that both-sides centrism in Dickens. He was also more influenced by Shakespearean psychology and tropes than Rowling. Rowling, however, was much more aware of white supremacy than Dickens could ever be—her understanding of class struggle includes colorism (Voldemort and some of the Death Eaters especially are aristocratically coded to the extreme - all those Anglo-Norman names! Revealingly, none of them are POC).
As for Donna Tartt, from the two (very popular) books I’ve read by her, she only uses Dickensian tropes for quasi-mythic and romantic journeys; they are largely empty of their political and social commentary, almost serving as mere literary allusions. Above all, she seems mostly concerned with the power of art, literary or otherwise.
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aurosoul · 1 year ago
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officially at the Big Anxiety stage of career success. wondering when this stops being as bad 😔
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buckymorelikefuckme · 2 months ago
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ok so apparently letting myself write without trying to make it perfect is actually kinda fun 🙄 who knew
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abyssalpriest · 5 months ago
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it IS funny when lev sees something through me like. "oh. is that why people are scared of me. i guess that makes sense"
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heliianth · 6 months ago
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btw my inbox is always open for art requests im very uninspired and been having trouble with brushes lately . tell me to do things for u pretty please
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kenjakusbraincum · 7 months ago
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he had to get drunk to ask me out guys im so scary
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dudeshusband · 9 months ago
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a lot of my issues stem from the fact that people simply don't have time for me, and when they did, when i was a kid, they didn't want me.
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theinfinitedivides · 2 years ago
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watching a movie about a sport you know nothing about can be the definition of vibing without comprehension and i experienced that today
#film: 83#83 the movie#bollywood#local gay watches Bollywood.txt#for those asking the media in question is 83 (2021)#and it's f*cking hilarious bc my dad is really into cricket#i have no concern for the sport whatsoever#so watching this film as the child of Afro-Caribbean West Indian parents with strong evidence of South Asian ancestry#is a double edged sword bc we're all rooting for the underdogs#but the Windies are just tearing it up on the f*cking field like nobody's business#begging Bollywood to understand however that the West Indies is not just Jamaica???#like i hate to break it to you but there were only two Jamaicans on the Windies World Cup team that year. two#on the other hand there were four Bajans two Antiguans#two Trinis playing for T&T as a whole#why are all the extras in dreadlocks and playing reggae music and waving the Jamaican flag#every time a Windies player opened their mouth it was this strange mix of Jamaican accent/whatever else they decided to throw in there#in a supposed attempt to be 'authentic'#ik about Windrush and the fact that most of the people who came over were Jamaicans but. but. people from literally#every other country in the Caribbean under British rule immigrated as well???#between this and the 'ceasefire so we can listen to cricket' i am once again reminded that this is a biopic not a documentary#Ranveer and Deepika were f*cking good in this tho#and her fits were insane i am in love with that accordian skirt and skinny turtleneck she wore during the first half of the Cup games
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girlmetalsonic · 1 year ago
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thinking of changing my url nd blog theme, maybe even making a legit intro post. might theme it around sonic since im more into that now. but idk ive had some sort of agent 3 icon for so long its like they r just representative of my account. feels wrong to change it i dunno. 
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spark1edog · 2 years ago
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i may try to organize my blog more and like have consistent tags for a few things
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somethingscosmic1251 · 23 days ago
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being made a socially anxious extrovert is so cosmically cruel thx god really appreciate that one
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txmxkis · 9 months ago
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i have to wake up early and suddenly my life is over
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corroded-hellfire · 1 month ago
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As You Wish - Eddie Munson x Reader, Part 10
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Written with the help of my beloved @munson-blurbs
Summary: The time comes for the first custody hearing between Eddie and his estranged wife. You do your best to be there for both him and his sons.
Note: I do not know the ins and outs of the legal system, so I did my best when it came to the court scene
Warnings: mentions of bad parents, Brittany, slut shaming, i think that's it?
Words: 9.5k
[As You Wish masterlist]
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There’s just over a week to go until the first court date and you can tell your boyfriend is on edge. Every time he sees the boys, he’s overly cheerful. You know he’s trying to make it seem like nothing is wrong, but the kids aren’t dumb. They see right through the forced happiness, even confiding in you after school one day about how weird they think Eddie is being. That night you pull him to the side to relay that message—but in much nicer terms.
Since that discussion, Eddie’s been more himself. He still forces himself to be more upbeat around the boys, but that’s more of wanting them to be around positivity and as much light as possible while they continue to struggle with the thought of two separate homes. 
Once the boys are in bed, or are at the house with Brittany, you take advantage of the time alone with your boyfriend. He’s stressed beyond belief, and you want to make damn sure that he knows you’re here for him in whatever way he needs. 
Evenings usually start with dinner, then a movie on the couch, but end up with Eddie’s head on your lap and you play with his hair as he gets things off his mind. Sometimes you just listen, sometimes you speak your mind in reply. 
“I know I’m the better parent,” he tells you one night a few days before the trial. “But I also know that courts usually rule in the mom’s favor. And what if…what if the boys don’t want to be with me most of the time?”
“Why on earth wouldn’t they want that?” you ask. “You know you’re their favorite. Because you are the better parent.”
Eddie squeezes your hand gently where they rest entwined on his chest. 
“I know. But home is familiar to them. It’s the only home Luke has ever known and the only one Ryan remembers. There are memories there, their old rooms are there, their favorite toys. It’s safe and comforting.”
“Do you think it’s going to feel that way with just Brittany around?” you ask in response. “Also, I think you have a double-edged sword there.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you said that the boys have memories there.” With your free hand you gently boop the tip of Eddie’s nose with your index finger. “I’m sure there are memories from that house that the boys would rather forget. Yeah, there are memories of Christmases and birthday parties, but there are also memories of Brittany screaming at them for no reason. Or of times when their mom was supposed to come home for whatever reason, like dinner or a special occasion, but she was late as usual. Here, Ryan and Luke won’t look at the front door and think of all the times they stared at it, waiting for it to open with their mother on the other side. The walls here don’t hold disappointments like the ones at the house do.”
Eddie gazes up at you with those big doe eyes and a charmingly crooked smile.
“My college girl is so smart,” he says softly.
You chuckle in reply and bring a hand up to his hair. Gently, you scratch your nails against his scalp. Eddie hums in appreciation and turns on his side so his face is buried in your belly. He mumbles against the material of your shirt, but you can’t make out what he said.
“What?”
He pulls away just enough for you to hear him.
“I’m scared.” His voice is low, and he keeps eyes on your midsection. 
He’s never said that to you before. You frown as you gently card your fingers through his bangs.
“Of what?” you ask softly. 
Eddie shrugs and you move your hand to cup the side of his face, your thumb gently brushing over his left cheekbone. It feels like the entire apartment complex has gone silent, not a sound to be heard except your breathing. 
“A lot,” he finally admits. “Messing up in court and not getting to see my boys anymore. Brittany lying so viciously that I don’t get to see them anymore. Them deciding they don’t want to stay with me. Putting them in the middle of this and it messing with their heads. Of Brittany trying to turn them against me.” He pauses and chews on his bottom lip, and you know there’s something else that he doesn’t want to say. You don’t want to push him, but you also want to make sure he knows that he can confide in you. 
“What, sweetheart? You know you can tell me anything.”
He sighs and rolls onto his back. You watch the reflection of the ceiling fan spin round and round in his dark misty eyes. After a minute of silence, Eddie reaches up and takes one of your hands in his. He presses a kiss to the back of it before he holds it in his own and rests them on his chest.
“I know I can,” he says. “But I know you. And if I tell you that I’m worried that you’re somehow going to get hurt during all of this, you’re just going to tell me not to worry about you. Which, I don’t know if you know this or not, doesn’t really work.”
It's another double-edged sword, that he knows this about you. Because, on the one hand, it feels really good to be known so well and loved so deeply by him. But on the other hand, now you can’t use that reasoning with him, which doesn’t give you much of a leg to stand on. Instead, you come up with another question.
“How do you think I’m going to get hurt?”
A long inhale puffs up Eddie’s chest before a heavy sigh deflates it. 
“I’m worried someone is going to say something dumb on accident. Me or the boys. Or Brittany, only it wouldn’t be an accident. I’d rather you not be near us while all of this is going on, really. But I’m too selfish for that. I need you here with me.” He brings your joined hands up to his lips and presses a few kisses against your knuckles. “You keep me sane when the rest of the world is trying to throw me off my rocker.”
“Eddie, my love,” you begin, “it’s very sweet that you’re thinking about me but I’m not some delicate little flower that will crumble at an unintentionally—or intentionally, in her case—unkind thing that’s said while you’re all going through this. It’s insanely stressful, which can wear down patience sometimes. But I know you love me. I know the boys love me. The three of you would never say something to try and hurt me on purpose. And Brittany? Well, I don’t give a rat’s ass about what she says to me—or about me.”
A small smile grows on Eddie’s face, and you’re relaxed by the sight. He licks over his lips before he speaks.
“You be my rock now, and I promise to be yours from now on. Whenever you need me.”
“Oh, I don’t know if you know what you’re signing up for there, buddy,” you say with a chuckle. 
“You somehow deal with me, a genius little boy who is always rattling off things that he’s learned, a little hellion tornado of a boy, and did I mention me? Princess, if you can handle the three of us, the three of us can be there for you with no problem.”
You gaze down at him with a fond smile on your lips. 
“I feel super honored that you trust me enough to open up,” you tell him in a voice close to a whisper. “I know how lucky I am.”
“I open up to you because I feel safe with you,” he tells you. “It’s weird, I never… This is a new kind of safety for me. Finding safety in another person. I didn’t know this kind of thing existed.”
“Me neither, honestly,” you admit. “It’s a deeper level of trust than I’ve ever had before.” 
“I thank God just about every damn day that you came into my life. And the boys’ lives.”
“Oh, Mr. Religious all of a sudden?” you tease, leaning down so your face is hovering over his.
“Hey,” Eddie says with a chuckle, “I’ll thank whatever being in whatever realm or universe that had us cross paths.”
“Maybe it was aliens,” you joke, widening your eyes in alarm.  
“Then I’ll learn how to thank them in Klingon.”
Your nose wrinkles up, and Eddie thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.
“Do aliens speak Klingon? Does Spock speak it? Is Spock even an alien?” you ask. 
“Ah, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but my nerd knowledge doesn’t reach quite that far. You’ll just have to be content with me knowing an inordinate amount about D&D creatures.”
You shrug, pretending to consider it.
“I guess I can live with that.”
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The long-awaited Monday has finally arrived, and it fills everyone with nerves. Eddie took the whole day off from work, so he takes his time making the boys breakfast and getting them ready for school. 
As the two boys take their seats at the table, Eddie notices Ryan acting a bit more withdrawn than usual. Luke is his usual self, shoving spoonfuls of Lucky Charms into his mouth while his short legs swing back and forth beneath the table. Ryan is older and the more sensitive of the two, so Eddie isn’t surprised that he has the better sense of what will be happening today. 
“Whatcha gonna be working on today in school?” Eddie asks his oldest as he plops down between his boys at the table, a full bowl of cornflakes thudding on the table in front of him.
“Oh, uh,” Ryan starts, looking down into his bowl as his spoon stirs marshmallow pieces around, leaving streaks of blue, pink, and green throughout the milk. “We’re reading about Sacagawea.” 
“Ah, alright,” Eddie says between bites of cereal. “She was a pretty cool lady, huh?”
Ryan nods and scoops some oat pieces onto his spoon.
“Who’s Sar…Sarcas…Sarcophagus?” Luke asks through a mouthful of cereal. 
“Sacagawea,” Eddie corrects him with a soft chuckle. “Go ahead, Ry. Tell us what you’ve learned so far.”
“Uh, okay.” He sounds less than thrilled. But when the second grader starts to talk about something interesting he’s learning, he gets excited. “She was a Native American. And she went with Lewis and Clark to explore the west.”
“What makes her so cool?” Luke asks, shoveling in another spoonful.
“She did the whole thing with her newborn baby strapped to her,” Eddie replies.
“And she was only sixteen,” Ryan adds.
“Really?” Eddie raises his eyebrows. “Wow. I didn’t know that.”
“She was a mommy at sixteen?”
Eddie thinks Luke’s eyes are going to pop out of his skull. 
“People had babies earlier back then,” Ryan answers, much to Eddie’s relief. He also notices the improvement in Ryan’s mood now that his brain has something else to focus on. 
The more pleasant atmosphere keeps up while the boys get dressed and Eddie packs their lunches. It does feel weird to put on a suit instead of his normal t-shirt and jeans, though. 
“You look funny,” Luke says as his eyes scan over his father’s gray slacks and matching blazer. 
“What else is new?” Eddie jokes, trying to keep the mood light. The white dress shirt tucked into his pants is an odd feeling and all Eddie can focus on is wanting to yank it free.
“Where’s your tie, Mr. Fancy Pants?” Ryan asks as he grabs his lunch off the counter.
Eddie stalls in his movements before turning to face his oldest son.
“Should I wear one?” He feels silly for asking the seven-year-old, but he feels self-conscious now that Ryan pointed it out. 
“I dunno,” Ryan answers with a shrug. “I just thought you’d wear one.”
The first real tick of nervousness hits Eddie now. It irks him that it’s not even about court itself, but whether or not he should wear a tie. He sighs and goes to grab one of the few ties he owns from his dresser. You’ll know if he should wear it or not. 
Instead of waiting for the bus, Eddie says he’s going to drive the kids to school since he has the time. He doesn’t have to be in court until this afternoon and he’s meeting you for coffee after your first class. 
It’s a nice mellow morning and it continues to get better when they’re all loaded up in the truck and Luke turns on the radio. 
“Ah, this song!” The six-year-old’s face lights up and he bops his head along to the beat. “It’s my favorite part!”
Both Ryan and Eddie join in to sing:
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' 
Eddie turns the volume up as the truck approaches a red light. Once they’re completely stopped, Eddie thrashes his head back and forth, headbanging to the song that’s taken over the airwaves. Ryan and Luke both giggle, watching their father’s frizzy curls go flying all around, before joining in and headbanging to “One Week” as well.
The light turns green and Eddie resumes driving responsibly, but that doesn’t mean his boys have to stop headbanging.
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to the sides and said, "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do.”
Ryan finishes singing out the song while Luke flails his curls around for the remainder of it. It’s perfect timing, as Eddie is pulling into the drop-off lane at school just as the song ends. 
“I’ll see you squirts later, alright? Have a good day at school.”
“Bye, Daddy!” Luke gives Eddie a quick side hug before climbing over his older brother to get out of the car.
“What time are you going to be home?” Ryan asks.
“I’m not sure,” Eddie tells him honestly. “But I’ll definitely be home in time for dinner.”
The boy nods, placated by this answer. He leans in and wraps his arms as far as he can around his dad’s torso.
“I love you,” Ryan says. 
“I love you, too.” Eddie rubs his hand over his son’s back, trying to convey so many thoughts and emotions in the one touch. 
It’s going to be okay.
I’ll see you soon.
I’ll never stop fighting for you.
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The moment Eddie sees you tucked away into the corner booth at the small cafe on campus, he feels lighter. Simply being in your presence is enough to melt Eddie’s stresses away. Instead of sitting down across the table from you, Eddie decides to slide into the same booth you’re sitting at and instantly wraps his arms around your waist.
Without looking up from the book you’re reading for your Renaissance Literature class, you say, “If you’re going to feel me up you better hurry, because my boyfriend is on his way.”
“This boyfriend of yours is very lucky,” Eddie murmurs as he leans in to press a kiss to the side of your neck. 
“He is. Especially because I ordered his coffee just the way he likes it.” You shut your book and slide a white paper cup tucked into a brown cardboard sleeve in front of him. 
“You taste better,” he mumbles, pressing another kiss just below your ear.
The feel of his warm breath dancing across your skin coupled with his sultry words sends a shiver down your spine. Eddie notices the little tremor that passes through your body and pulls back with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. 
“Drink your coffee,” you say, trying to will the heat away from your face as you put your book away. The last thing Eddie needs is to be late to court because you can’t keep your legs closed when it comes to him. 
That statement is especially true when you turn and get your first real look at your boyfriend. You’ve never seen him in a suit before and the urge to drag him into the back of your car grows even stronger. 
“Damn, you look good,” you say softly, leaning forward to run your hands over the material of the blazer. 
Eddie does his best to ignore the way your eyes darken and how you bite your lip—but it’s tough. Maybe this suit isn’t so bad after all. 
“Oh,” Eddie says as he remembers the rolled-up tie in his pocket. He fishes it out and holds it up for you to see. “I wasn’t sure if I should wear this or not.”
Your eyes take in the dark red tie, then look back over Eddie’s ensemble. 
“I say yes. It’ll add a nice pop of color, as well.” 
Eddie flips up his collar and slips the tie around his neck. You watch as his deft, guitar-playing fingers fiddle with it until it’s properly knotted. 
“Do you think I should put my hair back?” Eddie asks.
Opposing emotions fight for dominance in your body. One side is getting worked up because he already looks drop dead gorgeous and now he wants to put his hair back in a bun? Is he trying to kill you? But the other side hears the slight shake in his voice and breaks because this poor man is so nervous and unsure. Never more have you wished for a magic wand to wave and make all his problems go away. 
“Want me to tie it back for you, sweetie?”
He nods and you can see a minuscule amount of relief in his eyes. It’s no secret that he loves your hands in his hair, and it always calms him when you play with it. Though you don’t have time for that, you make sure to gently brush his hair back from his face with your fingers before securing it at the base of his neck. 
When he turns back around to face you, he lets out a sigh that has his shoulders sagging.
“I don’t want to go,” he admits quietly. 
“I know.” You reach up and gently cup the side of his face. “But everything is going to be okay. You’re going to tell the judge the truth and he’ll see that you’re the all-around better parent. And I’ll pick up the boys from school like usual and distract them to keep their minds off of what’s happening today. Even if I need to use puppies and candy to do it.”
Eddie lets out a soft chuckle and shakes his head.
“Great. Now I get to worry about coming home to a hopped-up Luke begging me to keep a dog.”
You smile at him and lean forward to gently peck his lips.
“You’ve got this, Eddie.”
He takes a deep breath and nods his head.
“I got this.”
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Everything echoes. That’s Eddie’s first thought as he steps inside the courthouse. Every footstep, every cough, every conversation bounces off the walls and reverberates in the hollow space of the atrium. Brown eyes take in the gray marble that seems to cover every surface. Towards a hallway to the left, Eddie spots his attorney, which relaxes him and kicks up his nerves at the same time.
“Hey, Carl,” Eddie greets as he approaches the man. He can’t help but notice that his lawyer’s suit looks infinitely more expensive than his own. It makes sense though, given that the man practically gets paid by the hour what Eddie makes in a day.
“How are you, Mr. Munson?” Carl asks as he offers his hand.
Eddie’s told him several times to call him by his first name, but it always reverts back to the more formal. It makes Eddie feel old, though. When he hears “Mr. Munson” he either thinks someone is talking about Wayne or has flashbacks to Ms. O’Donnell scolding him in high school.
“Doing alright,” Eddie replies, but his shaky tone conveys that it’s less than true. 
“Ah, it’s going to be okay,” Carl says, gesturing for Eddie to follow him down a long hallway. “I’ve been in front of Judge Rogers plenty of times and he’s a fair guy. One of the better ones we could’ve asked for.”
Eddie nods his head and takes a deep breath as Carl comes to a stop in front of a set of mahogany double doors. The air in the courtroom is stifling, invading all of his senses. It only gets worse when he takes his seat next to his lawyer. 
Sweat beads at the nape of his neck, and it takes all of his willpower not to yank off his tie right then and there. His slacks—a far cry from his usual cotton coveralls or denim jeans—itch his legs. His dress shoes are laced too tight, squeezing his toes until he feels his pulse in his feet. 
I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this. 
Negativity floods every pore. Eddie shuts his eyes, steadying his breathing with reminders of who this is all for. In—Ryan. Out—Luke. 
Happiness. Peace. Love. Family. 
The room is silent, save for the gentle ticking of the clock on the wall. The secondhand glides past the twelve, signaling that it is now officially one o’clock. Time to begin. A glance at the other side of the courtroom shows that there is no other parent of Ryan and Luke present. 
The mahogany doors open once more and Eddie looks over his shoulder, expecting to see his soon-to-be ex-wife. But the only person walking down to the front of the room is another lawyer, by the looks of his suit. Brittany’s lawyer, presumably. He’s taller and younger than Carl, but Eddie just tells himself that means Carl has more experience on his side.
A heavy door behind the judge’s stand swings open on squeaking hinges and a bailiff steps out, the judge following right behind him.
“All rise,” the bailiff says. There are only three others in the room, so Eddie, Carl, and the third attorney stand as the judge takes his seat. 
“So, we’ve got Eddie Munson, correct?” Judge Rogers looks down at a few pieces of paperwork set in front of him before looking over the top of his bifocals at Eddie. 
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“And it looks like Brittany Munson is not here.” Judge Rogers looks up at the other lawyer for confirmation.
“Um, no Your Honor, I—”
A large bang covers up his next words as the double doors are shoved open. This time when Eddie looks over his shoulder, it is Brittany hurrying into the room. Her usually impeccably styled hair is a little askew. It’s all pulled up into a bun on the back of her head, that she sometimes wears to work. Her outfit is also one of the many skirt and blazer sets that are part of her repertoire for her job at the bank. 
Eddie glances at the clock on the wall again. Maybe this was her lunch break and there was traffic. But as Brittany gets closer, Eddie notices her blouse. It’s a silky pale blue that she’s worn a hundred times, but that’s not what catches his eye. It’s the fact that the blouse is not buttoned up correctly. She either missed a hole or there’s a button not tucked into where it’s supposed to be. 
A low disbelieving chuckle tumbles from Eddie’s mouth at this all-too-common occurrence he became acquainted with during their marriage. The unkempt hair, the disheveled clothes, and the way her face is slightly flushed, and her breathing is a little faster than usual tells Eddie exactly why Brittany is late, and it has nothing to do with work. Unless it was one of her co-workers she was fucking. Hell, Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if she was fucking her lawyer. 
“Nice of you to join us, Mrs. Munson,” the judge grumbles as Brittany takes her spot next to her lawyer.
Ugh, did he have to call her Mrs. Munson? Eddie internally gripes.
“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” Brittany says as she tries to smooth back some loose strands of hair. She offers no explanation or excuse for where she’s been, and Eddie thinks that’s for the better. 
“Alright.” Judge Rogers clears his throat before he smacks his gavel down. “Let’s begin.”
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After school today it’s just you, Ryan, and Luke. Karen Wheeler came to pick up the Harrington kids and take them back to her place so your focus could be on the Munson boys. 
Neither brother has said anything about their parents being at court today by the time you get back to Eddie’s apartment, and if they’re not going to bring it up, neither are you. You prepare them a snack while they sit at the kitchen table, starting on their homework. 
It’s not long before the apple slices and peanut butter have disappeared, and the homework has been finished. Luke shoves his work folder back into his book bag and wanders off for a moment before returning with crayons and a small stack of paper. While he’s rummaging through the crayon box, Ryan reaches over and plucks the piece of paper on top of the pile. Instead of reaching over to use some of his little brother’s crayons, Ryan picks up the pencil he used for his homework and presses the tip of it onto the top of the sheet of paper.
“Whatcha doing, Ry?” you ask as you dry off their snack plate that you just washed. 
“Um…” Ryan chews on his lip for a moment before looking up at you. “I wanna write a letter. Actually, can you help me?”
“Of course.” You put the plate away and make your way over to the table. The chair next to the seven-year-old scrapes against the floor as you pull it out to sit. “Who is the letter for?”
The little boy bites at his lip again and it makes you frown. This isn’t a usual habit of his. He avoids your eyes as he looks down at the blank paper, nerves radiating off of his small frame. 
“The judge at court,” he finally says. 
“Oh.” You clear your throat after realizing your pitch was too high. “What do you want to say?”
Ryan sighs and taps the point of the pencil against the paper.
“I don’t like that I can’t go with Daddy and tell the judge how I feel. They’re talking about me and Luke, but Daddy said they might not ask us what we want. I don’t like that.”
The words crack your heart. He feels like he has no control over the situation. and the sad fact is that you can’t tell him that he’s wrong. The court might not ask Ryan and Luke who they want to live with. But Ryan’s determination to have his voice be heard is a testament to how Eddie’s raising him. 
“I’m proud of you,” you tell him, reaching up to move some of his hair off of his forehead. “I know this isn’t easy.”
“I also don’t wanna be there cause I’d be scared,” Ryan admits quietly. 
“That makes complete sense, sweetheart. I think most adults even get nervous in court. I know I would be. Daddy doesn’t like it either. But he would do it over and over again for you both. He’d do anything for you.”
“I know,” he says confidently. 
“Good.” 
Luke’s crayons scratch against his paper, and you look over at him. He’s hunched over the table with his small tongue poking out as the green crayon moves back and forth against the page. He doesn’t seem stressed like his older brother is. You hope that’s really the case though, and he’s not hiding or internalizing his feelings. 
“So,” you say with a sigh, turning to Ryan again, “how do you want to start the letter?”
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So far, the hearing isn’t as bad as Eddie thought. For some reason he thought he’d be tripping over his words, not sure how to answer the questions asked of him. But even though it is nerve wracking, it’s pretty easy; all Eddie has to do is tell the truth.
“What is the living situation of the children?” the judge asks.
“They live with me in the house,” Brittany is quick to answer. “Eddie sees them after school sometimes, or on the weekend.”
“I just moved to a new apartment,” Eddie says once Brittany has finished. “And the boys are almost done setting up their rooms the way they like. So, I’ll start having them overnights as well.”
“No, I don’t want that.”
Brittany’s lawyer leans in to whisper something in her ear after the outburst. 
Judge Rogers scribbles something down before moving on to the next question. 
“How are each of you involved in their daily life?”
“I’m very involved,” Eddie makes sure to answer first. “I’m the one who makes them breakfast, moves them along to get ready for school, and gets them out on the bus. I know their favorite toys, games, shows, movies. You name it, I know it. They feel comfortable telling me anything because they know I’m always there for them.”
“He’s also very involved with the babysitter,” Brittany adds.
Eddie’s vision goes red. His hands tighten into fists beneath the table, and he does his best to breathe through his anger. 
Brittany doesn't attempt to add anything further, which Eddie realizes is because there’s nothing much she can contribute. She doesn’t know anything about her own sons and has virtually no part in their everyday routines. 
When the judge realizes there’s nothing else coming from Brittany, he moves on.
“That brings me to my next question, then,” he says. “What third parties are involved in their care?”
“My uncle, who is grandpa to the kids, will watch them sometimes,” Eddie says. “They like to go over and spend the night at his place a lot during the summer because they like to make s’mores over the fire pit. And there’s my best friends, Steve and Nancy, whose kids are best friends with my boys. So, they spend a lot of time there. And my, um, their babysitter. She picks them up from school every day and watches them until either I or Brittany come home from work.”
A witch’s cackle comes from the other side of the courtroom. Fitting, for who it’s coming from. 
“That ‘babysitter’ is the whole reason why we’re in this mess! She’s a little homewrecker who seduced my husband and now they’re shacking up together with my kids there.”
If Eddie thought he was mad before, now he’s in danger of turning into the Hulk. Brittany dares to call you a homewrecker when she’s the one who has been cheating for most of their marriage? When she’s the one who has skipped out on countless family events just to go fuck some other guy? The fact that she even had the audacity to entertain the thought that she might have the higher ground? Eddie’s surprised flames aren’t shooting out of his ears. 
“That isn’t true, Your Honor.” Eddie is doing his best to sound calm, but there’s a noticeable edge to his voice. “I mean, yes, I am involved with the babysitter, but the rest of what she said is a lie.”
Judge Rogers takes his bifocals off and sets them down on the desk in front of him. “Care to elaborate?”
“First of all, this divorce was a long time coming. I don’t mean to get crude, Your Honor, but Brittany has stepped out with countless men while we were married. It was lie after lie, but I knew the truth. And I was relieved when it was very obvious my sons are mine. That is what led us here today.”
“So, did you leave your wife for this babysitter? And are you living together?” Judge Rogers puts his glasses back on and makes another note. 
“No, Your Honor,” Eddie says with a shake of his head. “To be perfectly honest, I was at a place of not caring that I was constantly being lied to and cheated on anymore. I became numb and just went through the motions of my life. I didn’t want to break up my boys’ family, so I did nothing. But when I met her—the babysitter, she helped me realize that I deserve better. In my opinion, I was a great husband. I did my best and stuck it out. But it became clear that the atmosphere in the house was too hostile for the boys. I’d rather them have two peaceful homes than one painful one.” Eddie pauses and licks over his lips before continuing. “I briefly stayed with the babysitter while I went through the process of getting my apartment, but the boys never stayed the night there. And the babysitter continues to live in her apartment and I in mine.”
“How do the boys feel about this babysitter?” Judge Rogers asks as he keeps writing. Eddie can’t help but wonder what he’s taking down.
“They love her. In fact, they tried to set her and I up.”
Brittany scoffs but says nothing. Eddie refuses to look in her direction and keeps his focus on the judge. 
Talking about you was relieving. Honestly, a part of Eddie had been afraid that he wouldn’t come off looking good if you got brought up. But he now sees how ridiculous that is, because in the reality of everything, Brittany has no leg to stand on whatsoever when it comes to you. 
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“This is a vacation with me and my best buddy.”
“Donald Duck?”
“No, silly, with you!”
A knock on the apartment door distracts you from A Goofy Movie, and you push yourself up off the couch, leaving a gap between the boys as you head to open it. 
Wayne stands on the other side, his hands shoved into the front pockets of his rugged jeans. 
“Hey, darlin’,” he greets.
“Hey, Wayne. Come on in.” You move to the side so the older man can step inside. 
“How they doing?” Wayne asks quietly, nodding his head towards the boys on the couch.
“I think they’re doing alright,” you tell him as you close the door, making sure to keep your voice low as well. “Ryan wanted to write a letter to the judge before. So, we did that, and I think it let him get some of his emotions out. Luke seems like his usual self. I’m just worried he’s bottling it all up.”
Wayne nods his head and lets out a small sigh.
“And how are you doing?” he asks. 
The question catches you off guard. Honestly, you haven’t been thinking about how you’re feeling today. Your focus has been on Eddie and the boys and trying to make things as painless as possible for them. 
“I’m…okay,” you say. “More worried about Eddie and the boys. It affects them more so than me.”
“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you, hon,” Wayne replies quickly. “You’re part of this family.”
His words cause you to choke on your emotions. He considers you family. He sees that you’re in this for the long haul and that you really do love and care for all of them. 
You force yourself to swallow and take a deep breath. It’s like Wayne’s words also gave you permission to feel your feelings about this whole ordeal. The front you had been putting up for Eddie and the boys was up so consistently that a part of you forgot that you had your own fears and worries deep down. Now, with the turn of a key, they all flood your head, dizzying you as you hold onto the back of a kitchen chair for balance.
“How can I support him?” you ask, voice soft and wobbly. “What if I somehow make him feel worse?”
Wayne’s eyebrows raise as he looks at you. Luke lets out a chuckle over where he’s watching the movie on the couch still, so Wayne gestures for you to follow him into the kitchen. 
“Darlin’, I don’t think you could do anything but make Ed feel better. You seen the way he lights up when you walk in a room? All you gotta do is be there for him. Ask him how he is. Listen to him. Nothing special, just what you’ve been doing for him all along.” 
“Well, that’s easy,” you say.
Wayne smiles and you tilt your head in question.
“It might seem a simple thing to you…but Ed ain’t had that kind of support in a relationship before. He ain’t been able to open up and talk freely. I remember he learned real quick to keep how he was feeling to himself when he started dating her. It broke me, but what could I do? He was dumb and in love. If I said anything ‘bout it, I would’ve lost my relationship with him and I wasn’t about to do that. But, hell, I saw him be open and comfortable with you practically from day one. You’ve always been willing to lend an ear and somethin’ inside of him picked up on that right away. Hon, by just being his friend you gave him more than his own wife did. It’s just who you are. And it’s part of why everyone in this home loves you so much.”
It’s impossible to see Wayne clearly through the tears that have pooled in your eyes. You refuse to let them fall, not wanting the boys to see even a hint of a tear track on your face. But your heart is so full it feels like it could burst. Somehow Wayne always knows the right thing to say. You’ve been grateful from the start that the man took Eddie in after everything went to hell with his parents, but it’s so obvious that was the best thing for Eddie for a myriad of reasons. No one could have raised him better or taken care of him more. 
“Thank you, Wayne.”
“It’s nothing, darlin’,” he says with a shake of his head. “I should be thanking you. For loving my boy the way he’s always deserved. All my boys.” He looks over to the couch where Ryan is sound asleep, and Luke looks to be in a losing battle with the sandman himself. 
“That’s something you never have to thank me for,” you tell him. “It’s the greatest pleasure of my life.”
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As many times as Eddie got in trouble as a kid, he’s never been interrogated by the police before. Never had one of those moments you see on television where someone sits in an uncomfortable metal chair as a light shines in their face bright enough to burn their retinas. But sitting here, answering question after question for the judge, starts to feel like an interrogation after a while. Eddie could talk about his boys all day and night, but this was mostly talking about himself when it comes to the boys. He’s starting to feel over it all. But he keeps pressing through, always thinking of those two sweet faces at home anytime he wants to throw in the towel. 
“What are each parent’s plans for housing and stability loving forward?” Judge Rogers asks.
“I’m in the house,” Brittany reiterates, a smug tinge to her words. “With the yard and the pool.”
“Will you be able to remain there with solely your income?” The judge follows up.
Brittany’s mouth opens but no sound comes out. It tickles Eddie, but he manages to keep the smile off his face as he looks across the room at his ex. 
“I, u-um…” Brittany stutters. 
She’s got nothing, Eddie realizes. He knows her finances very well, having shared bills with her for the last decade. The mortgage took up most of their combined incomes every month, so Eddie knows there’s no way she can afford to stay there without him. 
“I’ll be able to remain there for a time,” Brittany finally says. “I’ll find a way to make it work.”
Eddie has to dig his fingernails into the palm of his hand, leaving little crescent moon shapes behind, so he doesn’t burst out laughing. Brittany’s not going to get a second job. She hates the first one enough as it is. All Eddie can think of “making it work” meaning is finding a sugar daddy, winning the lottery, robbing the bank she works at, or maybe borrowing money from her parents. Or a worst case scenario would be Brittany’s sister Sandy and her bratty kids moving in with her. 
“Mr. Munson?”
“As I’ve said, I have a new apartment. It’s now all fully furnished, all unpacked, and the boys have their rooms.” Eddie hates how repetitive this all is. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s mentioned his apartment, and he’s sure the judge knows it by now as well, but Eddie understands there are procedures that need to be followed. No matter how annoying they are. 
“Are there any concerns about the safety or well-being of the children in either home?” Judge Rogers asks, looking back and forth from Eddie to Brittany over the rim of his glasses. 
“I have reason to believe the boys are better off with me, due to Eddie’s drinking.”
This time Eddie almost succumbs to his rage. Brittany lying and the judge believing her was one of his worst fears, and here she is trying to do just that. Eddie can’t remember the last time he had a hard drink, only a beer or two after work. And actually, now that he’s thinking about it, he isn’t sure when he last had a beer. After moving into his apartment, he thinks. A bunch of them drank beer with the pizzas they had once the work was done. But a moment of clarity leads Eddie to a realization. He used to come home every night and have a beer. Now, it occurs to him that he hasn’t had a beer after work in a number of weeks. Because he doesn’t need one to deal with Brittany. He doesn’t need to attempt to numb himself to the horrible woman he was living with. Now he comes home to you. He can hug you, kiss you, talk with you. There’s something to be excited for when he comes home, now. You and his boys. 
“Drinking?” Judge Rogers asks her.
“Yes, Your Honor. Eddie drinks every night.”
“Is this true, Mr. Munson?”
“No,” Eddie responds confidently. “I used to have a beer or two when I’d come home from work, but that hasn’t happened in at least a month. And it was never more than one or two beers. I have never been drunk in front of my boys, but Brittany is not able to say the same.”
“Is this true, Mrs. Munson?”
“No,” she lies reflexively. The boys may have been too young to realize that’s what was going on with their mom, but it was most certainly the case. 
Eddie catches a quiet sigh from the judge as he jots down another note. It causes some of his nerves to flutter back in.
“Any other concerns about safety or well-being?”
“Perhaps you should mention how your upbringing has caused you to prioritize the safety of your boys,” Carl says softly to Eddie. 
He nods and clears his throat before speaking.
“Your Honor, I lived in an unsafe environment with my parents when I was young. Thankfully, I was placed with my uncle instead, which is the best possible place I could have been. I’ve lived and seen the difference between a home that has the well-being of children prioritized and one that doesn’t. It taught me how to make sure that my boys are always safe. Not just child-proofing the space or taking them to the doctor, but also by making sure they know how loved they are and that they can make mistakes and everything will be okay. That my love is unconditional, and I’ll always be on their side.”
“Would you say Mrs. Munson has those same priorities?” Judge Rogers asks.
“No.” Eddie didn’t even need to consider the question. He has so many examples on the tip of his tongue that if he told them all, they’d be there for days. “There have been instances of Brittany hiding the fact that our son Luke was sick from me, then taking him out of state just so her plans weren’t canceled. Both boys have also made remarks to me about knowing their mother does not care about them.”
“The boys have a preference?” Judge Rogers asks.
“Yes. They’ve both informed me that they’d prefer to be with me.”
“I don’t believe that,” Brittany immediately snaps back. 
“Feel free to ask them,” Eddie responds without looking in her direction. 
Carl nods at Eddie, letting him know he’s doing a good job. It comforts Eddie, but more than anything, he wishes for this to be over already. 
Thankfully, it’s only a short time later that the judge wraps things up.
“Alright, let’s get to the temporary custody arrangement,” he says. “What is the arrangement between the two of you now?”
“The babysitter,” Brittany begins, the acidity emphasized on your title, “brings them either to my house or the apartment, depending on our schedules.”
“Okay, we’ll keep it that way from now on, then,” Judge Rogers declares. “It’ll be fifty-fifty custody right now. Between the two of you, look at your schedules and decide how you’ll split the time. Weekends are also fifty-fifty, which can either be one parent with them on Saturday and one on Sunday, or both days with a single parent every other weekend.”
The arrangement doesn’t thrill Eddie, but he’s mostly relieved that Brittany didn’t get primary physical custody. He can live with this back and forth right now if he has to. 
Court is dismissed shortly after, and Eddie breathes a sigh of relief as he steps outside. The stuffiness of the courthouse disappears, and Eddie feels he can take a deep breath for the first time since entering earlier this afternoon. 
“Okay, let’s figure this out.”
Eddie looks behind him to see Brittany approaching him, her lawyer not exiting the building with her.
“Okay.” The familiar feeling of wanting to rip Brittany’s head off is right below the surface, but Eddie knows he has to keep things civil. 
“Why don’t you come back to the house, and we’ll talk about it? Since the boys are at the apartment.”
There’s a glimmer in her eye that instantly makes Eddie uncomfortable. Going back to the house with her? With them being the only two there? His stomach roils at the thought. Eddie has absolutely no trust in this woman whatsoever, and he wouldn’t put it past her to try something when they’re alone. Whether she tries to seduce him or uses the period of time to later claim that he harmed her in some way, Eddie isn’t risking it. He also wants to spend the least amount of time possible with her.
“Why don’t we go to a diner or something?” Eddie offers instead.
Brittany stares at him for a moment before rolling her eyes. It’s clear she’s irritated, but is she really dumb enough to think Eddie would fall for whatever is going on in that twisted mind of hers?
“Whatever,” Brittany scoffs. “I’ll do Monday to Wednesday morning, and you can do Wednesday night to Friday.”
The fact that she already had a plan in her back pocket only enforces Eddie’s idea that she wanted him to come back with her for another reason. 
“Weekends we’ll do by ear? Depending on if you work Saturdays or not,” Eddie says.
“Fine. Have your tramp drop them off at the house tomorrow.”
“Brittany…” Eddie seethes.
“Bye.” She gives him a small wave over her shoulder, throwing him an over-the-top smile before heading towards her car. 
“Jesus Christ,” Eddie mumbles to himself as he heads towards his car in the opposite direction. “How did I ever love that bitch?”
As much as Eddie is yearning to see you and the boys, he knows he needs some time to cool off before going home. He takes a detour to visit the man who has the best track record of talking him down off the ledge.
“None of that surprises me, sadly,” Wayne says once Eddie finishes filling him in on the hearing. 
Eddie rolls out his neck, trying to dispel some of the tension as he stretches out on the couch next to his uncle.
“What do I do?” Eddie asks, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice. “How am I supposed to refute every goddamn lie she tells?”
“You just tell the truth,” Wayne says simply. “You got nothing to hide. Everyone knows you’re better for the boys, all you gotta do is let the judge see it, too.”
“How the hell did you go through this for me?” Eddie rubs his hands over his face and lets out a long sigh.
“Yeah, well, at least Al had the decency not to fight me tooth and nail.”
Eddie chuckles. “At eleven, I never thought I’d be happy about that. But thank God.”
“I know what ya need.” Wayne smacks Eddie’s thigh before pushing himself up and walking into the small kitchen.
“Oh, Wayne, no beer,” Eddie says. “Don’t wanna touch the shit at all, now.”
“I’m not getting you beer, ya dingbat,” Wayne teases, making Eddie smile. 
The older man grabs two mugs off the wall–an old army one and Eddie’s favorite Garfield one. Wayne pulls a glass bottle of YooHoo out of the fridge and pops open the lid. Eddie laughs as he gets up and goes to join his uncle near the refrigerator. 
“Your favorite as a kid,” Wayne says as he pours half the bottle into each mug.
“Luke’s favorite now,” Eddie adds.
“What, you think I have this here for me?” Wayne asks as he tosses the empty bottle into the trash. 
“Eh, you’re a kid at heart,” Eddie says, picking up the orange cat mug. 
“Here’s to the best outcome we could hope for,” Wayne says as he raises his cup. 
“Brittany getting eaten by the Loch Ness Monster?” 
Wayne snorts a laugh and shakes his head. 
“Sounds good to me. Hopefully the judge can sentence her to that.”
“Here’s hoping.”
Eddie clinks his mug against his uncle’s and they both down the chocolate milk. 
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The pots and pans clatter together as you pull out the skillet to get started on dinner. Just as your hand reaches for the dial to turn on the burner, the front door opens. You immediately set the pan down and march right over to Eddie. Without saying a word, you wrap your arms around his middle and pull him into a hug.
A small smile grows on his lips as he returns your embrace. He hums softly as he closes his eyes and rests his head against yours.
“How’d you know I needed this?” he asks quietly.
“Lucky guess,” you mumble against his shoulder. 
He pulls back, but you don’t let go of him. Your hands rest on his waist, below the blazer, as he drops his wallet and keys on the counter. His back arches and stretches as he shrugs out of the blazer and tosses it onto a barstool. 
“What did you and the munchkins get up to today?” he asks, wrapping his arms around you again.
“Y’know,” you say with a shrug. “I let them bungee jump, then skydive, and then they ate their weight in Pixy Stix.”
“I figured.” He places a kiss on your forehead.
“Daddy!” Ryan runs in the room and takes advantage of the small space between you and his father to wriggle in. But when you try to step away to let the little boy have his father all to himself, Ryan catches your hand and keeps you there with the two of them. “What happened today?”
“Just answered a bunch of questions,” Eddie tells him, reaching up to ruffle his sandy hair. 
“Did Mom go?”
“She did.” Eddie nods. “We talked with the judge and with each other. Everyone just wants to make sure you and Luke are happy.”
Ryan looks over his shoulder at you, then back to his father.
“Can I show you my letter?”
“Letter?” Eddie asks, brow furrowing.
“Ry wanted to write a letter to the judge,” you explain, resting your hands on the seven-year-old’s shoulders.
“I’d love to read it,” Eddie tells him.
The little boy slips out from between the two of you and goes to pick up the piece of paper on the kitchen table. He comes back and silently hands it to Eddie.
Dear Judge,
My name is Ryan Wayne Munson, and I am Eddie’s oldest son. I am seven years old and my brother Luke is five. I know we are young and sometimes grown-ups don’t listen to kids, but I wanted to share how I feel anyway. My daddy is the best man in the world, and he loves me and Luke more than anyone else in the world. We are always happier when we are with him than with our mom. Our mom has missed lots of things in mine and Luke’s lives. I had a Christmas concert last year and she didn’t show up at all, even though I had a solo and was very excited. But Daddy made sure I got there on time and told me how good I was and how proud he is of me. He always makes sure to tell me that. And he tells Luke, too. 
I don’t want to live at the house with my mom. I want to live at the house with my daddy, but I know he does not live there anymore. Even though I love my first room and my house, I would rather live with Daddy anywhere. I have a cool new room at his apartment and Daddy worked hard to help make it special for me. 
I am writing this letter while you are having your first meeting with my mom and dad. I had some help with spelling and punctuation, but the words are all mine. I would be scared to come to court and talk, but if it meant that I would get to live with my daddy, I would do it. I know Luke would too. I hope this letter helps you make your decision.
Love,
Ryan
Eddie can’t help but smile through his tears at the endearing “love” signoff. That’s Ryan in a nutshell; always spreading love. 
The words have restored Eddie’s exhaustion and fill his drained soul. 
Small arms wrap around Eddie and large brown eyes look up at him.
“Why are you crying, Daddy?” Ryan asks.
“Because that was a really sweet letter, Ry.”
The older brother doesn’t get a chance to respond as Luke rushes into the room and runs head-first into his dad.
“Daddy! Can we get ice cream for dinner?”
“After dinner?” Eddie suggests, arching an eyebrow.
“No,” Luke pouts, “because then I’ll be too full.”
Eddie playfully rolls his eyes as he lets out a laugh. 
“You earned yourself an extra piece of broccoli with dinner tonight, kid,” he tells his son.
Luke lets out a growl and sticks his tongue out at Eddie. Eddie sticks his tongue right back out at the five-year-old, who giggles in response.
“Oof,” Eddie grunts as he scoops Luke up and throws him over his shoulder. “What do you say we order pizza? Hmm? Have a movie night?”
“Yes!” Luke cheers.
“Can we watch Hook?” Ryan asks. 
“Sounds great,” Eddie says, rubbing his hand over Ryan’s hair. 
You watch as the three of them head towards the couch. It’s impossible not to smile as Eddie plops Luke down on the cushions and flops down next to him. The youngest Munson laughs as Eddie rolls on top of him and laughs even harder when Ryan gets on top of the pile of boys. 
Tears begin to fill your eyes as you reach for the telephone. You sniff and blink them away as you scan the fridge for the magnet with the pizzeria’s phone number on it. Hearing the three of them laugh as they roughhouse is a balm to your heart after the stress of the day. Unfortunately, this is just the beginning of the journey to keep these boys where they belong, but as long as there is laughter and love at the end of days like today, you think it won’t be so bad after all. 
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