#dont want notifications till i am OUT

[sorikkung]

people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh

[hyperexplosion]

.

[gisellecnz]

𝐀/𝐧: Okay, first of all—anon, I am SO SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING, I've had a new sy started so I was a little busy..😭😭 and I'm sorry maybe you wanted me to answer your ask directly to the post wherein I publish the fic already, so here's a photo of your ask in a screen shot form. 😭 Also, first would be gojo, and then next is Geto!!

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: gojo x reader

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: gojo took longer than expected to go home so reader is worried, angst to fluff, gojo babying you, fluff at the end

tick, tock, tick, tock

You stared at the clock, watching it tick and tock. It was past twelve, and each second felt like it lasted forever.

Satoru told you that he'd be home around 9 or 10 from his three-week overseas mission today, but there was no sound of keys clanging at the door, nor any update from him telling you that he'd be home in how many minutes left.

A tired sigh left from your lips, your eyelids becoming heavy as you slumped down on the couch that was near the entrance – your worry increasing every second for Satoru.

You grabbed your phone that was sat on the wooden table, turning it on as you checked your lock screen to see if there was any notification from Satoru – still none.

You opened the app where you and Satoru always communicated, whenever you two were separated. Your recent message to him – "Satoru? Are things going okay with the mission? How many hours left till you're home?" – was still left on delivered after 5 hours. It didn't show that he was active either. What was going on? He'd always text you back immediately. That was not exactly like him at all.

Anxiety was growing inside you each and every second you think about Satoru. Did something go wrong on his mission? No, you shouldn't think about that. He's strong—he should be able to survive. But what if he encountered a dangerous cursed relic?

Sigh. Negative thoughts kept filling up your mind, you tried to reassure yourself that everything went fine, but it just couldn't stop to the point it brought you to tears.

After a many minutes later, you heard keys jingling outside, indicating that someone is trying to open the door outside. Was that Satoru?

As the door creaked open, you quickly wiped away your tears and sat up straight, your heart pounding in anticipation.

And there, you saw him. Satoru was standing in the doorway. He looked more worn out than usual but was still unharmed. His hair was slightly tousled, and had dried blood stains on his jacket. You eyes looked down to his hands, which were holding on some sweets and a gift for you.

"Hey," he said softly. He noticed the tired look on your face, and the way your eyes we're wet and slightly puffy. Did you stay up all night for him? He felt bad. He closed the door behind him, and dropped his gifts on the couch beside him.

"Satoru, " you breathed out, relief washing over you as you ran to hug him tightly, whilst more tears were running down your face. "I was so worried. You got home so late and you didn't respond to my messages."

"I'm so sorry baby." He said, pulling you into a tighter embrace. Leaning in to give your forehead a gentle kiss. "The mission took longer than expected, and I forgot I had my phone inside my pocket while fighting and it broke...I was absolutely panicking when I realized I wouldn't be able to text you." He pulled back slightly to look at you, brushing a stray tear from your cheek with his thumb. "But I'm here now, yeah? I'm safe, dont worry. You shouldn't have stayed up all night to wait for me baby... " he plants another kiss on your forehead.

You buried your face in his chest, the familiar scent of him calming your racing heart. "B-but... How can I not sleep after you were gone for so many days, and you came home later..." Your words were a bit muffled due to you burying your face into his jacket, giving him a small weak punch on his chest as you sniffled in your cries.

Satoru's face softened into a sad expression, guilt evident in his eyes as he looked down at you. He gently cupped your face, lifting it so your eyes met his. "I know, I know. M'very sorry baby. Didn't mean to make you worry so much."

Seeing the tears streaming down your face made his heart ache. "It's okay baby, don't cry anymore. Hm? It's okay, I'm here now."

He rested his chin on top of your head, "I bought you some sweets and a little gift. I knew you'd be upset once I came back."

"You didn't need too..."

"Why not?"

You can imagine the pout on his face as he starts to gently sway you from side to side, whilst rubbing your back in circles.

"Alright, alright. Let's go back to bed now. Don't want my princess to get sick from staying aaaalll night long just for waiting for me.

in the end you both cuddled so tightly and you woke up to a bunch of gifts, he felt bad about you worrying so much about him and he thought the gifts from last night weren't enough 🥲

[fangbangerghoul]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Tagged the other day by @roguishcat Sorry this is so late I turned off my notifications at the start of my semester. I've been really stressed lately.

When did you start writing?

Kindergarten. Jk. Um...fanfiction? 2007/08? It was personal writing with a friend in a bunch of notebooks. Didn't start posting till 2022 when The Batman came out. (dont look into this fact)

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I almost exclusively read Vampire/fantasy Romance. So, there is a difference. There have been a few books outside of that category I tackle but its normally related to my college work. I do think those horror/goth themes seep into my writing.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I do not think my writing has been compared to any other writing, at least not to me directly. I do really love the world building Charlaine Harris created. It is so lovely and to be able to write such an addicting 13 book series is something I hope to achieve as well.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I'm lazy so here's a picture:

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

It used to be absorbing other content by other artists but lately I couldn't tell you. I've been considering quitting writing for some time because I just don't enjoy it as much as I was.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Yes, angry violent woman. No it does not surprise me. There have been some themes of sexual assault and abandonment. Also doesn't surprise me.

What is your reason for writing?

Community. When I started writing in 2007/08 it was with a friend and the comradery filled a need I didn't have. I started again last year and found some community. It was great for the time being. Now I am not sure. I know most people say you should write for yourself but being a depressed person since the age of 9 it hard to center yourself like that. Another reason I am thinking about just quitting for some time at least till I find that spark again or reason.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

When the parts I had the most fun writing get complimented. I also appreciate the comments that pull favorite quotes. They are really wholesome and make me feel like my writing is appreciated.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I am okay with being the writer of the story that lives rent free in the back of your mind because it had such a mind-blowing event. Or maybe just a story that is thought of fondly occasionally.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Perhaps character psychology?

How do you feel about your own writing?

Right now, I am not my biggest fan but that's okay. I really wish I had a more poetic approach to writing or at least better with descriptions. I worry sometimes my writing is all events and no emotion.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Though my reason for writing is community at the end of the day when I can write I try to focus on stories I will enjoy or need to get off my chest. There have been a few fics in the past I wrote solely for mutuals, and I do not mind doing that because it brings me a lot of joy to create for others.

(I know some of the answers may have sounded a little sad. I want to clarify I am not looking for sympathy this is just truly how I feel at the time being and that is okay. I am okay with it.)

Tagging with no obligation:

@bearlytolerant @interplanet--janet @staticpallour @lisa-and-shadow @therealgchu

@soloavengers @arisenreborn @dryad-of-the-dogwood @eridanidreams @kimberbohwrites

[mossdoesartshit]

-Sinner Adam/Adam Masterpost-

we are nearing the end of my arc 1 for sinner adam shenanigans, just a couple more little bits and bops here and there, and then itll just be silly shit and whatever comes to my brain about him. will be updating this, but only arc 1 will have little descriptions, i dont want this to end up too long. will also just put general adam stuff because i am weak to this man. -SINNER ADAM-

Ces't La Vie:

what id consider the title page! i did post it later than a lot of the beginning stuff but its fiiine JINGFODIJN

Early sinner adam headcanons: will be making a better one later

Sinner adam doodles (plus general adam, some lute, and some ocs) lot of exploring ideas, i think the most important one/one to be made into a proper drawing is adam throughout the ages from eden to exterminator days

ARC 1:

Loud, Loud Red: first thing i drew! was just experimenting with stuff and boom something cool.

This had been a mistake: start of a couple of things with adam, will be hoping to explore adams relationships with rest of the hotel staff. only ones i havent drawn him interacting with yet is husk and alastor, by complete and honest accident oops

Like our first meeting: im still really happy with how this came out to be honest.

Jealousy Jealousy: i am weak to lucifer and adams possible dynamics... both as an adamsapple/guitarduck shipper and outside of it, these two who very definetly knew each other all the way back at the start of everything...

Shut up/CRACK: crack is the alternate title because every time someone interacts with that post its what the notification title is oops JKINGFDIOJN

Suspicious Suspicious: aftermath of the previous two posts to an extent, plus i just wanted to draw goofier shit given the last one was heavier.

I remember them: always loved the idea that adam intimately aware of the lives of the exterminators (i will refuse to call them exorcists till the end of days and its the hill i will die on), and who better to explore that with than vaggie!

Bonding: not much to say, i like exploring deeper dynamics.

Do NOT call me a liar: so shout out to the fact that i started on this after "i remember them", and did "bonding" inbetween both because itd make things make a bit more sense and god help me i needed simple stuff done. oops. did not mean to make this so big i couldnt motivate myself

-GENERAL ADAM STUFF-

valentines og babygirl mom that stepped up

[to6ge]

IV.5 aftermath of the rain ( DENIAL )

woohooo, 4.5 ❗❗

quick recap : you wanted to sleep with your headphones on in the train ride, but Gojo didn’t let that happen.

You managed to successfully sleep, and Gojo also managed to take off your headphones and turned off your music playing on your phone. He was actually worried about you.

It was halfway into the train ride, till you woke up. That nap felt really good, and you enjoyed it a lot. ( most specially because Gojo made you lean onto his shoulder ) It was nearly just the two of you now. Nobody else seemed to be in the train, and it was so calming—peaceful, quiet.

“How long have I been out for?” You asked, with a tired voice. “About 30 years” he said with a grin, hoping hed convince you “No way Satoru, no way” You smiled at him back playfully.

You didnt pull away even when you woke up, your head was still resting ontop of Gojo’s shoulder. The train ride was near to its end.

It was raining really hardly, the atmosphere was so calming and relaxing, you loved this train ride. You could even sleep again if you wanted to. The sound of the rain was so calming to hear, it was dark but the signs in the train lit the train up—everything was so nice.

. — ☆ — .

You reached the nearby beach, it was dark but it was better that way. There were a bunch of stars bundling up together since it had just rained. Yet one of them stands out the most—so extraordinary, that star had shined nothing like the ones who were last adored. You immediately pointed at it to Gojo, with a big smile on your face—one that nobody had ever seen. ( except for gojo )

“Look look, that one is so pretty!” you ranted on and on about stars, and Gojo was just looking at you as if you were some kindergarten kid who was over the moon talking about their interests. ( he found it cute, he js doesnt know that ) “Were you always that into stars? You look childish when you rant about them” he teased

“Childish? Liking things are NOT childish!” you muttered. “I was just teasing, do that more” He teased you even further. “Better than hearing you complain about me,” he wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

Gojo and you sat down comfortably by the beach, watching the waves crash onto the sand, looking at the stars and admiring the whole surrounding. It was so pretty, so very pretty.

You proceeded to video you both, and all that was left to do was just to edit it. It was around 11pm now, the moon shined brighter than ever. Nobody was there, just you and Gojo.

( sorta time skip )

It was around 1.30 am when you came back to your dorm, you layed down on your bed as if youve never gotten sleep throughout your whole entire life.

You watched the moon outside your window as you thought about what you just did this night, it was fun and both you and Gojo shared laughter and joy.

The more you thought about him, the more scenarios you make up. You soon dosed off, a thousand different thoughts of gojo and scenarios of you and gojo ran through your mind before you slipped into sleep.

Your phone lit up the room as it buzzed, receiving a notification from Gojo. “Goodnight, thank you for today y/n. We are so gonna get 100 for this project ❗” —delivered, 2.47am Thursday, 14 september 2023

TAGLIST STATUS : Open

SUMMARY : IN WHICH! You transfered to Tokyo Jujutsu highschool, where your “enemy” goes. ( Friends that loved to tease eachother & get on their nerves ) Even before you transfered, you both had a rivarly ever since you were a kid. This’ll be so bad. Atleast you though so. Then, you both decide to fake date eachother for some reason,, and you didn't think youd even fall for him—but you were wrong.

NOTE : this took me so long to make ughh. :(( I have a chinese test tomorrow!! Didnt study because I was too busy doing this ongm im so gonna fail 💔💔☹️ when i say that kindergarten thingy..HES NOT INTO KINDERGARTEN KIDS OKAY pls dont misunderstand

prev || mlist || next

[featureenvyproductions]

The year is 2049. I show up to mcdonalds, which has put every local restaurant out of business after big business lobbied in 2040 to make everything but mega corporations illegal. I try to order but there's no way to put in an order because I neglected to drink the shot of nanobots that would allow me to download the mcdonalds app to my brain to beam my order directly into the self checkout machine.

I am starving and finally give up and take the shot. I get my food. It's wrong but there's no one around to talk to so I take it home anyway. The chicken nuggets are cold but unfortunately my microwave subscription ran out and i dont want to log onto brain amazon and renew it (something id been putting off precisely BECAUSE they decided there is no way to renew it without brain amazon) so i eat the cold food. I finish out my work day but then get fired because the company i work for in the future (a giant soulless corporation naturally bc there is nothing else) can now tap into my nanobot thought stream through teams, which sends a notification to them that I fucking hate how their executives insisted we switch all our QA to AI. They erase my memories of all the technology I used there as is their god given right laid out in their NDA

I give up and go take a nap. I start to have a dream where I'm singing a cool song I'll have to write down when I wake up. At least they cant take that from me. The dream cuts to black and switches to "LEMU IT'S TIME TO CUSTOMIZE AND SAVE WITH LIBERTY MUTUAL" as they can now beam ads directly into my brain. a glitch then causes the liberty mutual jingle to play constantly on repeat till I wake up and give up and get on tumblr (or equivalent). There are 40 posts in a row from Gen beta like "I don't trust people who dont take the nanobot shots???? What are they hiding???? If you dont have nanobots i assume youre a p*do". I get an email notification in my brain from Google who informs me that my account has been suspended because the music I had in my dream was actually copyrighted. I get a notification from Adobe that now that I have the nanobots they're going to scrape my thoughts and use them as AI training data. "By using the nanobot network you agree to the terms and conditions"

[tpwkwriter]

helloooo, you are like one of my fave writers!! I am requesting one with lhh where the reader feels very insecure and harry is comforting her and telling her she is absolutely beautiful and how in love he is with her and how he remembers the first time he saw her he knew she was the one and that he had never seen any one so breathtaking. And then they start kissing and it slowly escalates till harry tells he "let me show you how beautiful you are" or smth like that i dont really know and then the after careeee!!! OMG I WOULD DIEEE. Could you please write that?? THANK YOUUU!!!

Baby your perfect.

Omg! Thank you for your lovely words it always means the world 🤭

And yessss! This concept!! 🫢 and lhh 😩

Im a tad sucky on writing smut/smutty-ish stuff so I hope this works for you and you enjoy! 🤎

Also this absolutely no hate to any of these women mentioned!!!! Especially Kendall Jenner/kardashians for story purposes only!! 👑

*Warnings*- struggling with body image, low self esteem, language, hint towards smut and adultish themes! ✌🏻

Y/n’s Life had felt like it’s been on the right track for a while now.

She’s finally enjoying her career, her friendships have never been better, her relationship with H is the her pride and joy, hence them nearing there 5 year anniversary.

The only downside to all of this is her social media.

Ever since a young age y/n struggled with social media and unrealistic beauty standards.

And when your boyfriends exes include the Looks of: Kendall Jenner, Taylor swift, Camille rowe, that feeling of ‘Not good enough’ Never really goes away.

Y/n found herself in there shared bathroom gazing at the mirror before her wondering why she looked the way she did.

She really wondered what H saw in her, all the models and actresses and he chose her.

She examined her body, suddenly getting this feeling that she felt when she was 15 wondering why she wasn’t as pretty as the other girls in school.

Apart from she was and she didn’t even know.

She spotted every insecurity, from the stretch marks around her hips, to the scars and marks she developed on her body.

Tears begun to form in the corner of her eyes, her reflection became unbearable.

She wanted to forget this night had even started like this.

She cosied in her shared bed awaiting Harry’s return from the studio, she pulled out her phone ready to text her love, when her twitter notifications distracted her.

Mistakenly she clicked on the app, and was left feeling lower then she already had.

“Former kardashian and Jenner star admitted to pleading for another chance with singer and songwriter Harry styles!”

She clicked on the thread to be greeted with many images and gifs of her.

Her perfect figure, eyes, face, everything, she had everything.

And that’s what Harry deserved, he deserves it all.

Without even thinking y/n finds herself angrily throwing her brush against the wall out of anger.

“Baby?” A familiar voice called.

‘Fuck’ she though to herself.

He’s home

“Y’alright darling” he said, voice getting louder and closer.

“M’Fine” she sighed, trying her best to hide her tears.

There shared room door gets pushed open.

“Baby” he gently Said.

“H”

“What’s going on?” He said placing his jacket on the back of the vanity chair and toeing his trainers off.

“Nothing” she said forcing a smile to persuade the man.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing” he said raising an eyebrow and joining her next to her on the bed.

She remained quiet, thinking of how to play this out.

“Baby, Jus’ me y’know its okay” he said running a hand through his long curly locks.

“I don’t understand why your with me” she breathes, avoiding eye contact.

“Y/n?” He asked confused as hell.

“Baby, where is this Coming from? What?” He asks placing his ringed hand on her exposed thigh.

“You don’t deserve me H” she said finally breathed making cold eye contact with him.

“You deserve someone prettier, skinner, and overall better, than..whatever i am” she Said tears threatening to leave her eyes.

“Baby Girl” he asks manoeuvring his palms up to girls cheeks and pulling her in closer.

“Where is this coming from?, y’my girl, my gorgeous girl” he said heart almost breaking at the sight and sound of his girl.

“Kendall” she mumbles, tears finally falling.

“Kendall?” He asks eyebrows knitted together.

“She wants You back H, and now the whole world knows it” she quietly cries leaning her forehead on his.

He finally gets it, it adds up all in his head.

“Baby” he speaks, pressing a kiss to her cold lips.

“Fuckin’ hell” he says kissing her cheek replacing the salty tears.

“Y’really think, I want her huh?” He smiles

“My silly girl” he sniffs, trying to make light of this situation.

He removes his hands and opened his arms signalling for her to get in.

She sits on his lap, almost koala style with both legs wrapped around his waist and both arms over his shoulders.

“Now that you’ve got me, y’won’t be getting rid of me” he said dancing his fingertips on her back.

“I just…I don’t get it” she sniffed

“Why me” she mumbled, snuggling her face into his neck.

“Why you huh?” He breathed

“Well, the first time saw you, the thing I saw was not only y’beauty, but m’future, m’life, Ive Never met someone as breathtaking as you m’love Call me a sap, but y’my muse now” he gently said.

“Not Kendall, Not no one else, jus’ you” he said kissing the side of Face.

“Can y’look at me darling?” He whispered.

She happily complied, lifting her face from his neck and revealing her beautiful glossy eyes but now with a small smile to her face.

“I love you” he says kissing her lips hard and straight forward.

“Y’never to forget that”

“Love you too H, I’m sorry for being silly” she smiles

“None of tha’ i get it”

Without being able to finish properly, the girl crashes her lips on his.

“I’m so in love with you” she mumbles against his lips.

“Y’make me crazy baby” he smirks

“Please Baby, let me Show you How much y’mean to me” he says going in again.

“Show How beautiful You Are angel”

“Mmhmm” she nods

— — — — —

The Girl lies hazily in there bathtub of there en-suite bathroom, reminiscing on tonight’s events.

God she was grateful to have H, no matter what rut she finds herself in, he manages to no matter what pull her out.

“Hey beautiful girl” he said coming in pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Fresh sheets and tea on the bedside” he said while placing the girls fresh Pyjamas ( his hoodie and Boxers) on the closed toilet lid.

“Thank you baby”

“I’ll join you in a sec” she added

“Take y’time love”

Once y/n’s bath was done, she slipped into her boyfriends clothes he prepared for her, and reunited with her lover in there shared bed.

“Y’feeling okay m’honey?” He asks putting his phone down and leaning into his girl.

“Mmhmm” she hummed slipping under the soft sheets.

“Y’the best” she sighed.

“Mm certainly am” he smirked.

“Ugh great I just fed your ego more” she joked playfully rolling her eyes.

“There’s my y/n back” he smiled pressing a kiss to her temple.

— — — — —

Again thank your for your request and please, please tell me of this is any good! 😩 again I’m sorry for skimming the smutty Part Bit im so awkward writing it 😭 love love loveeee you all ❤️

[fappellmoan]

hm feel free to tell me ur thoughts if youd like friends but basically my friends did text abt doing dinner and i was like 'im sorry i cant tn feel free to go w/o me or lmk if you wanna do another day' and ofc i caught stupid messages back just like 'booooooooooo' 'i cant till next week at least' 'what time r u busy til eye roll' and ill be honest here i fucking lied not that i should have to even give some big explanation but i was like 'well i have class till 5 (theoretically i would) and then have a meeting that doesnt have an end time' basically pretended the one from yesterday. and then i even sent a followup like 'if you guys end up just hanging out at someones place or you grab drinks or anything ill try to stop by later on' and the one sends a message back like 'do you think if we planned on a day next week you could commit to that?' fucking condescending as hell and to that i literally said 'Hm well idk' and then they were just like 'No days next week?' 'just wondering i mean bc maybe the three of us can just go and then we can plan on something lower commitment some other time.' fuck you first of all. and then a 'i get it if it's too last minute!' from my one friend um so thanks to her i guess and i sent smth kinda snarky back like 'well it's not like we had an actual commitment for any day but by all means go and ill certainly try to carve time out in my schedule some other time yeah!' and ive had the notifs muted bc i just dont want to deal with it rn. why am i not allowed to not be available why am i automatically some flaky low commitment bitch who has to be constantly berated in the chat while yall also ignore pretty much everything i say. im not doing that. and this just confirms my suspicions that they already see me in a certain way why should i have to bother when i HAVE still tried to see them and at least offer alternatives when i cant make it to things. also the semester just started like

[causenessus]

hi my dearest loveliness !! good evening afternoon OR morning I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUVE EATEN!! i literally just woke up (it’s 3pm…. my parents literally watched me come out of my room and were like ???)(you just woke up???)LMFAO BUT BUT i’m back to work tomorrow so i wanted to sleep in a lot today(I HAVE A 9-5:30 RIGHT OFF THE BAT)(MY WORK HATES ME??)but omg i just saw the ask from sav(sorry am i allowed to call her that too)(IM SORRY IDK) and i was like AWWWW “you and your mango anon” I AM NESS’ MANGO ANON idk why i thought it was so cute and sweet like YOU GIGGLE AND READ THEM?? THATS SO CUTE?? IM GONNA EXPLODE?? but let’s all yap together this is yap central(a safe place for yappers)

omg last night i got so many notifs if you answering every ask bat to bat and I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I WROTE A LOT YESTERDAY BUT YOU STILL ANSWERED EACH ASK WITH LIKE SO SO MUCH PASSION??(idk if that’s the right word) but you always answer each ask with ur heart like non of it is halfassed(sorry am i allowed to swear)(IVE BEEN REFRAINING FROM SWEARING BECAUSE IDK I DONT THINK IVE SEEN YOU SWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR SMAUS???)(or idk i’m crazy i think i’m crazy)

I WOULD SHARE WHAT CONCERT IT WAS LIKE I WAS GOING TO but i was like omg i’m gonna dox myself LOL BUT actually you know what’s so funny i don’t even live in the states(LORE DROP) ALSO DECLAN MCKENNA?? THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE HIM i think he’s on tour again right now?? or just performing right now (I THINK) im pretty sure i saw on ticketmaster! i would 100% go but literally my bank account is decreasing a little too much for my liking and it’s time to lock in and go ultra saving mode LOL BUT OMG MITSKI??? stop it if i was rich i would 100% fly over to your state and buy tickets for you and me and we could go together and have our losing dogs moment(on repeat by eggy always in my heart)(literally one of my fav smaus LOL)

ness i will read every single part of your response LITERALLY I WILL READ AND ABSORB EVERY PART SO do not worry your pretty little head(as i said this i imagined myself tapping your head with a pretty little fairy stick)BUT OMG ME AND YOU WORKING AT ILLEGAL AGES(actually actually hold on)okay because i started working my retail job when i was 15 but i was like a week away from turning 16 but they accepted me anyways? idk it’s kind of silly but i remember saying i was 15 but turning 16 in a “few days” (i think it was a week and a bit) and they were like mmmm okay! here’s your training days blah blah blah LOL listen i really wanted a job… i always felt bad asking my parents for money so i was like you know what ILL get my own money(here i am 2-3 years later still trapped in retail)also i totally get the hostess thing because my friend works at olive garden as a hostess and like it SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL? because like… you’re kinda in control of how much tips a person gets? (if that makes sense) and it just feels ITS TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME TO FANTOM LIKE i cant i feel like im too much of a people pleaser where id just be like oh! oh you don’t want this table? okay! oh i have you too many tables? i’m sorry! my bad! let me do it! ALSO IDK i hate fixed schedules like i like the random rotation every week LOL like it’s kinda a surprise!! like omg what days am i working today type of thing you know! BUT OMG THEM KEEPING YOU ON STANDBY IS CRAZY AFTER YOU QUIT LOL they love you so much they want to keep you <3 i can’t blame them <3 ness is a very lovable person <3 but restaurant environments are different from retail idk how you do it like I APPAUD YOU AND EVERY OTHER RESTAURANT WORKER because like dealing with hangry people everyday like… i already deal with impatient customers which make me wanna pull my hair like i remember one time during this rush we had everyone on cash like everyone on the tills right and this guy came up to my till and he’s like “yall need more workers” LIKE CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE ON THE TILLS RIGHT NOW??WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST !! and i was deadass like “haha sorry….. would you like a bag for 50 cents?”

ALSO YOURE SO BUSY WHAT?? your schedule is so jacked up HOW DO YOU DO IT??? like literally uni + job AND THEATRE??? and also the fact that you have more than one job?? PLS PLS PLS EAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LOVE YOURE GONNA BURN OUT </3

omg if i worked lights with you it would’ve been so so so much better like i’m not discrediting the light people i worked with BUT it was the fact that they were a year younger right so they didn’t really know what they were doing since all our light crew graduated and for some reason people didn’t like doing lights as much? so they were just first years doing lights and i had to help out a bunch and kind of guide them BCUZ IDK WHY MY TECH TEACHER DIDNT DO IT RIGHT so i had to focus on sound PLUS helping the lights people which i don’t really mind too much when we’re just having rehearsals but like during shows i was a little more stressed because they weren’t that confident and was always asking just to make sure and it was 100% not their fault of course but I WAS STILL STRESSED and doing my hardest to help him while trying to also keep track of where the play was(sorry very messy)(i too am like you and i do NOT proof read these whatsoever) IF I COULD I WOULD DROP EVERYTHING AND FLY THERE !! we could be the light + sound duo because i literally miss my tech days like i lowkey thought about doing it in uni but IDK WHY I DIDNT !! I SHOULDVE !! also another suna smau would heal me (LMFAO NO PRESSURE) BUT I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI?? like they all have my heart(especially kita and osamu like oh my god)BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DO I THINK ILL CRY LIKE “OMG THATS ME GUYS” “I AM MANGO ANON !!!” BUT you have sooooo much stuff lined up so DO NOT WORRY TOO MUCH!! what you’ve been giving right now (TRY AGAIN AND TONICS <333) is already so good like the idea and concepts AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO AHH

THE CAST NOT BEINF ABLE TO PROJECT THEIR VOICES ARE SO REAL !!! maybe i’m just saying this because i only did plays in high school right so it was a bunch of kids right but it was soooo frustrating because like SPEAK UP but also the fact that some cast got better mics than others? like tell me why i can’t hear this lead but i can hear this random person playing a citizen like?? BUT LITERALLY WHEN MICS DIE I LITERALLY WANNA JUST FALL TO THE FLOOR LIKE and the director is just like “keep going” LIKE DONT KEEP GOING WHAT? I CANT HEAR? like i literally feel like i have to focus my energy like some type of anime character to my ears just to hear a SNIPPET of what they’re saying but then sometimes i get in trouble for missing cues </3 LIKE I’M SORRY IT ISNT MY FAULT LIKE MAYBE GET BETTER SPEAKERS AND MICS?? also not you literally running the whole tech crew like rewiring the motherboard and climbing stuff like ness mvp tech girl LOL BUT I GET NOT WANTING TO THINK ABOUT THOSE TIMES LIKE i swear all tech/cast crew environments are SO toxic like i literally remember one of the cast fainting because like we literally got no breaks at all so she was probably overwhelmed with the lighting and everything else then that’s when the director was like ok… let’s take a break like YOU THINK??

ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT if the previous men i’ve talked to is on tumblr reading cutesy little haikyuu x femreader stuff THEN THATS ANOTHER PROBLEM(NO STOP I LITERALLY GIGGLED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID THAT LOL)(everytime i read your responses im always smiling and giggling like i always reread it too LOL) but omg ness… the quarantine online gaming breakout season is such a canon event like BECAUSE ME TOOOOO LOL(we are so soulmates) mine was a mix of minecraft and roblox and I LITERALLY MET A WHOLE GROUP ONLINE TOO IT WAS CRAZY the ptsd flashbacks is so real but THATS SO GIRLBOSS OF YOU LIKE YES!! CALL MEN OUT ON THEIR SHIT!!(sorry swearing again) BE NO MANS PEACE!! i will literally find him and politely beat him up for you <333 TIME FOR LORE DROP AND IF THE PERSON READS THIS THEN ??? WELL ??? oh well LOL but anyways so i was in this little online group idk i kind of just found them through twitter and i was like WHY NOT so i became friends with this guy he went by socks(discord names are so real)and like we got really close right and like he was the only person i really VC’d with (AND AND TO BE FAIR I THINK ITS BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE BABIES OF THE GROUP) like we were the same age while everyone else was like 19-25ish now(idk what i was doing hanging out with them as a minor but oh well)(i’m 18 now so it’s ok!)(but i literally don’t talk to any of them now LOL)but i remember this one specific conversation where he was like teaching me spanish?? because i don’t know i was teaching him viet too so it was just a silly little thing and i translated it(this was through texts like i still have the screenshot LOL) and he basically confessed to me through text in spanish right then afterwards they were like JK JK JK!! IDK idk if it was real or not but we drifted a lot after that so idk! sock if ur out there !! im sorry !! to be fair though they didn’t give me a chance to reply because i had to translate it then when i came back to the chat they were like IM JK IM JK SO idk! I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW!! also i will def report back when i get a poke bowl but im very very picky about the way i eat raw fish bevause sometimes it’s okay but when there’s an overwhelming amount i kind of get scared and im like hmmm maybeeee.. not this time… LOL It really depends for me!! but maybe ill try the imitation crab one if i see it!

AND UR SO RIGHT ONE DAY I WILL COME TO YOU AND I WILL BE UR GUARD DOG AT WORK !!! i’m glad yesterday was better! hopefully it keeps getting better, i will fight off the bad omens for you ness i will stand in the front lines fighting them off I COULD NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU but i will be a tiny tiny bit upset because I WANT YOU TO EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !! eggs and toast is so real but don’t worry :( a meal is a meal and you did good by getting up and making yourself something small! little steps are okay, i will be here along the way so don’t worry! take your time <333 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY!! (it literally took me an hour to write this because now it’s 4:30)(BUT i did eat in between writing) I HAD RICE AND CHICKEN YIPPPPEE!! i had to take a little break to eat then i continued writing LOL(but so real on saying ill go back but you never do because … me too)(i’m too lazy to look back on what i wrote so ill just trust myself) (mango anon loves you very much pls take care of yourself) (ALSO) i just realized i could make the font smaller (thank you again sav for the idea) so it would be easier to scroll pass these LOL BUT ANYWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT AND REST WELL !!! xoxoxoxo

HELLO MY LOVE!!! MY DAY WAS PRETTY OKAY!! BESIDES THE CAR CRISIS OFC 😭😭 AND PLEASE WAKING UP AT 3PM IS SO REAL I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE </33 AND ESPECIALLY IF U WORK A 9-5:30 TOMORROW DEFINITELY GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN GET!! REST UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLS <3 MAKE SURE TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BRING PLENTY WITH YOU TOMORROW AND PLEASE EAT!! and don't apologize at all you're def okay to call sav sav as well (i'm pretty sure!!) AND YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON <33 AND I LOVE U SM!! AND I LOVE UR PARANTHESES LMAO THEY'RE SO CUTE <3 YES YAP CENTRAL!!

AND omg mango anon i just have to tell you like how honored i am <3 like i feel so seen by you!! the way you see the passion in my writing and like notice that i don't curse outside of my writing pls :(( my face is literally going :((( rn /pos i try not to curse outside of my writing just bc it's not my thing!! but ofc you can and like sometimes i still do!! definitely do whatever you want AND SORRY FOR ALL THE NOTIFS YESTERDAY AND TODAY SINCE I'M DOING THE SAME THING LMAO 😭 i'm the one that lets them bunch up so dw about them at all!! and mango anon i genuinely love talking and replying to you so so much AND I'M REALLY SO THANKFUL FOR EVERY ASK FROM ANYONE SO OFC I'LL BE ANSWERING IT WITH PASSION!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ENTIRELY AND I'M GLAD THAT GETS ACROSS WELL <3 I JUST APPRECIATE YOU ALL SM <3

AND YOU DEF DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT CONCERT YOU WENT TO!! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT LIKE THAT DOXXING U OR SOMETHING bc i had no idea you didn't live in the states!!! i definitely automatically assumed that and that maybe u had went to a different state since we were in the same timezone for a little bit but that makes total sense and that was my bad for assuming 😭😭 BUT AA YES!! I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND MAYBE I WILL <3 LIKE HIS TICKETS DEF ARE NOT BAD PRICING AND HE'S AMAZING!!! i'm just insanely broke and like ik he's touring with sabrina carpenter rn or something??? which is super cool and good for him!! and sabrina's cool but i don't think i'd enjoy or be able to afford her concerts 😭 and that's okay!! maybe my tickets were cheap the time i went to see him bc it was a little more niche <3 AND AAA YES I WISH WE COULD SEE MITSKI TOGETHER!! the entire crowd would be in tears over i bet on losing dogs like that's our national anthem FRFR!!!!

I WAS IMAGINING THE PRETTY LITTLE FAIRY STICK WITH U thank you for tapping my head <33 AND I ALSO READ ABSORB EVERYTHING U TELL ME SO PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! AND DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT SMALL FONT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO <3 YOU DO WHATEVER YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEART DESIRES!!! (i am giving ur heart a kiss rn mwah <3) BUT PLEASE THE ILLEGAL JOBS FR SOME PLACES BE CRAZY AND THEY STILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!! BUT YOU GET IT EXACTLY like at the restaurant i often work at we often just have a rotation with no server sections bc it's pretty small (i'd only be forced to do sections when i worked with my manager who made me want to DIE and made me cry once i literally ran out and cried next to a steakhouse across from us) and so basically i just sit people at random tables (i always ask them like "is this table okay?" and i'm not really asking them like girl i have better things to be doing than escorting you around this restaurant trying to see what table tickles your fancy the best. i just ask them so i don't sound super forward like "THIS IS YOUR TABLE SUCK IT UP." yk??) and whoever's turn it is next, they get it so i'll tell them like "table three for two people" so like I REALLY DO NOT CONTROL WHAT CUSTOMERS A SERVER GETS BUT THEY ALL COME AND COMPLAIN AT ME FOR HOW BAD THEIR TABLES ARE (probably bc they're trying to guilt trip me or be passive aggressive) BUT LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?? I'M NOT PURPOSELY GIVING PEOPLE BAD OR GOOD TABLES LIKE 😭😭 and i'm sure it's even worse at places like olive garden which are way bigger! and you have to work with other hosts and more people so best of luck to your friend she's doing amazing <3 AND YOU GET IT!! LIKE IT'D PROABABLY BE NICE TO HAVE A FIXED SCHEDULE BUT ALSO I COULDN'T DO IT I LOVE BEING SCHEDULED ON RANDOM DAYS EVERY WEEK I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING also the guy who told you you guys needed more workers??? THANK YOU SIR FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!! I HAD NO IDEA, LET ME, JUST A PERSON WHO WORKS HERE, NOT A MANAGER OR ANYTHING, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON AN APRON AND START HELPING SINCE WE NEED MORE WORKERS!! CONGRATS YOU'RE HIRED!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON 😭 I ALREADY FEEL SO BURNT OUT I'M REALLY HOPING THINGS WILL CALM DOWN AFTER SEPTEMBER IG (WHEN I STOP WORKING TWO JOBS) OR BY NOVEMEBER AT LEAST (WHEN THEATRE IS OVER) BUT WE'LL SEE </3 i'm sure things will continue to come up but i fr just want to lay down and sleep until 3pm like u did today 😔😔 that sounds so nice </3

AND PLEASE WHY IS YOUR TECH THEATRE STORIES THE SAME AS MINE like i was a run and props kid until my school's musical sophomore year where we got these three boys who all wanted to do tech and we had too many run and props kids so i was like "yk what. let me go to lights so that hopefully u three can be together" which didn't even work out bc one of the boys got thrown into lights with me while the other two were on run and props but were on opposite wings LMAO and so that was my first show doing lights which i did board op for because it was also our last show of the year which was also our like senior who knew everything about lights' last show so after that she GRADUATED and i was the one left to figure everything out 😭😭 and then the year after we lost our senior that knew everything about sound so my senior year was a STRUGGLE omg...bad times. but then i left that department a mess bc i could no longer care. like that lights kid wanted my job so badly? fine, fend for urself bro i'm not teaching u anything (sorry i am spiteful against that kid still LMAO) I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TECH IN UNI!! my junior year i was fully planning to go to school to get a bfa for lighting design (new grounds was such a self insert for me LMAO) and my tech director literally pushed me to do it but then i decided i really did not want to be in these toxic stressful environments for the rest of my life 😭 BUT IF I HAD YOU!!! I DEF ACTUALLY WOULDN'T MIND <3 WE WOULD BE THE BEST DUO EVER I KNOW IT!! WE'D BOTH KNOW HOW TO DO OUR JOBS AND THAT WOULD BE LITERALLY GROUND BREAKING!! i mean even just reading ur stories i could feel the stress of like managing EVERYTHING i am so sorry for u mango anon but i am with u completely and from one tech mother to another, thank u for ur services 🫡 (i say tech mother bc WOMEN IN STEM!! in my entire four years of high school our top of the mill techies were always girls until we had this one run and props guy ruin it 🙄 he's actually the same guy who i used to like and the one who my mutual friend tried to get us to go to prom together but like i would NEVER UGHGHGH sorry he's also so frustrating to deal with i need to stop thinking about those times and this is exactly why i didn't actually go into theatre for school LMAOO) BUT YES AAA!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON THE SUNA TECH SMAU AND I LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI TOO <33333 haruichi furudate really put his whole budget into that team like please everyone on there is so pretty and beautiful and amazing and pookie shaped i love them sm <33 AND LOWKEY i was feeling like a stage manager reader (probably usually audio head but is stage managing this show) x lights head suna...bc i think that'd just be a crazy dynamic of her lowkey being in a higher position than him and he's just teasing and messing with her the whole time..BUT IDK and ik like theatre works differently in college but THIS IS MY WORLD AND WRITING SO I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!! i also have absolutely nothing actually planned out for the smau so who even knows LMAO THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TIME </3 THERE'S DEFINITELY SO MUCH I NEED TO DO AND TOO LITTLE TIME UEFBIEWIOEGLN

BUT I'M GLAD U HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES WITH PEOPLE NOT STRUGGLING we did this one horror play (which was SUCH a mess. okay let me just say this. our stage manager full on just gave up like halfway thru and would sit next to me reading vampire books and so same lights kid that kept trying to steal my job decided that it was "UP TO HIM" to save the show HIS WORDS EXACTLY I REMEMBER HEARING ABOUT THIS when literally the entire show was going fine and so basically he was like overthrowing our stage manager and was taking it upon himself to stage manage instead and give cues and just OMG THAT SHOW WAS A MESS BUT ANYWAY) and our main character just would NOT project like she was always cranky the musical we did that year she would just not sing or talk and we were like bro...ur in a musical BUT ANYWAY she wouldn't project we literally ended up hanging a mic and putting a little speaker in the booth so we could hear her bc like it was so important that we heard her lines but we couldn't when we were in a booth behind four windows and a closed door 😭😭

AND HELP YOUR ONLINE STORIES??? I GIGGLED READING ABOUT HIM TEACHING YOU SPANISH AND YOU TEACHING HIM VIET BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP BEING OLDER WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR WAS CRAZY BUT I CAN'T EVEN JUDGE BC THAT WAS ME TOO 😭😭 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS FOR ME I'M LIKE ALWAYS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE IN A FRIEND GROUP but i cannot imagine what that guy was thinking (i LOVE DISCORD NAMES HOLD ON LET ME GO FIND THE NAME OF MY GUY i think he changed it bc it's froge now...but ANYWAY IT WAS SOMETHING LAME AND SO WAS HIS ROBLOX USER IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE DARK KNIGHT IDK) but i cannot imagine the stress socks was going thru </33 i bet he sent that and then u were like "oh let me go translate it!" and then he was like "OMG SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND SHE WENT OFFLINE SHE HATES ME" and just flipped and said "jk" bc THERE'S NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE LIKE U DO NOT TEACH PEOPLE CONFESSIONS LIKE DID THE TAMING OF THE SHREW TEACH U PEOPLE NOTHING THAT IS SO OLD SCHOOL!! (i also never proofread these and just go on tangents and for that, i am sorry </3)

BUT I ALSO DON'T LIKE RAW FISH DW AT ALL!! like they have a hawaiian poke bowl too or something with all raw tuna and i'm like...yeah i'm good actually... and so my only other choice is imitation crab unfortunately 😭 BUT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMETHING GOOD AND LIKE IT!!

MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU <3 I ATE A BAGEL HALFWAY THROUGH THIS AS WELL (you can probably tell when i started eating it bc i was only typing with my left hand and probably didn't use as many crying emojis for a bit LMAO) AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!! I LOVE YOU <3 AND I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! I LOVE CHICKEN AND RICE AND I WILL MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AS LONG AS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHIFT TOMORROW!! <3

[yzzil-lizzy]

Hello . I hope you doing well . Im Ahmed Alhabil . With my Parents , wife and my 2 kids living in Ga*za . I have make this go fund me link to fund my family to evacuate from Ga*za to the safe place .

Can you please help as much as you can . Press all buttons on my wall ,

And donate any amount to safe life ..

I will appreciate your help❤️

you can creat video to help us ❤️.

I beg you to visit my page, view it, and donate via the link in the bio💔

🍉Dont forget 100$ USA=1100kron Norwegian 🍉

Hi Ahmed! Thank you so much for reaching out and asking! Unfortunately, I don’t have any funds to donate currently, but I will be getting some soon. Once I do, I will donate to your campaign. You have my word, I swear🩷

As for anybody reading this, please, please, PLEASE donate to save the Al-Habil family and get them safety and access to medical treatment for his eldest daughter, Joan.

Any amount helps tremendously. Please save them!

The link is below 👇🏾

@ahmedkhabil

P.S.

If you don’t have the funds to donate or don't want to donate, then that’s okay. But please at least reblog, comment (NO FOOLISHNESS), and share this post along with the links to others and other social media platforms to help spread the message. Also, please follow and turn on post notifications for the accounts that have been tagged!

P.P.S

There is a website that donates to the Big P refugees when you click on the button. Click it 3x a day, and you’ll be helping out someone in dire need.

@remindertoclick

If you’re reading this, then I hope that you took the time to read and act on what was stated above. If you did, thank you so much for your time and support. You’re awesome!

I’ll be back with more campaign links soon! Thank you so much again!

Humanity Will Win ❤️

#gaza aid #humanitarian aid #mutual aid #free gaza #all eyes on rafah #free palestine #free palestine till its backwards #humanity #save humanity #have a heart #have a soul #humanity will win #always

[wanderrlust0]

:s

im home now and im glad me and him got high today bc i dont think i wouldve been able to be okay emotionally and pretend like everythings good. i just read my last journal post and i just started crying. like i gave him till the very last minute to say i love you to me and he didnt so i whispered it as i got ready to get out of the car and he then whispered it back. like, he wasnt gonna say it if i hadnt said it. he just said it bc i said it but i can tell it was like empty words like wtf i feel like he doesnt really love me anymore rn and ive done absolutely nothing wrong like its unfair and im tired of it. he hasnt been himself since tuesday. first he wasnt himself when i saw him sunday. then i forced him to talk about it a little. then he was good monday, saying good morning, goodnight, using :3 a lot. then tuesday he just went back to the dryness and sounding uninterested. stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning to me. its now thursday (technically) we hung out. i texted in caps goodmorning bc he again just started saying stuff. i feel like he was only okay today bc he was high. he was touching me a lot but mostly my ass bc i wore a skirt. i didnt mind it ofc but i did sorta feel like he was mostly touching me in a sexual way and less romantic way. he is so fixated on my friend who he doesnt like and thinks id cheat with. bunny stop being insecure..honestly. i feel like its def that and his inability to fully trust me is what the main problem is. like he was barely loving meD: i can tellll when he genuinely does bc he shows it but today and these past few days just felt so casual and not full of effort. like why the fuck am i really crying right now like idk how im feeling bc im like ofc hurt and im confused and tired and annoyed and upset and sad and it feels less fun. i always end up doing most of the talking when hes like this bc itll make me so uncomfortable to sit in silence. like theres a good silence and a weird silence. i used the bathroom and left my phone on the table. ik he most likely scrolled thru my notifications. like im sure he def did. he was standing right there. even tho it was locked and he cant see the details of the notifs ik i have nothing to hide. the thing is how long is it gonna take for him to have some faith in me and stop doubting me and treating me like im a copy of everyones past mistakes. i think now im really actually not gonna act like things dont affect me and show more dryness or annoyance or distance. whatever i feel towards him ill reciprocate or stop pretending like its nothing. he didnt answer my text where i sent him a video that i thought was cute and funny and i wanted him to see it too. no acknowledgement from that. he hasnt sent me an ig reel in days. he stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning. he did now. the edible made him happier today and same with me. we drank and it made us both sleepy. idk what hes feeling towards me. he doesnt really share everything bc he thinks that it doesnt make a diff if we talk about it or not bc he feels like nothing will change and its pointless. i obviously disagree and i feel like we def have to talk, whether itll make a diff or not. it will do something. itll help us understand each other more. itll help us see things in a diff perspective. itll help us clear the air and get rid of the elephant thats lowkey in the room. i wish he wasnt so insecure in times like these. i wish he was more confident with himself. i wish he would really just love me unconditionally and not question our love. i wish i didnt have to tiptoe around the topic of my friend. i wish hed pay attention to whats in front of him and realize how great we can be. hes like a part of me now and i cant see myself without him and i desperatelyy wish hed just understand thatD; im trying and doing my best. i love him to pieces, but if i feel that hes losing interest, it makes me lose interest and i emotionally feel less of a connection to who he is. its like i love him and want him close by but his energy isnt the same person and i miss him againnn. hes back to caring less

[miaslame]

Untitled #1

There's something so profound about the connection between two people. In my life there have been a total of 2 people who I can't seem to shake.

one being my first love. although he did cheat on me and lie to girls and tell them he was single. there was a moment before all of that when i truly "believed" he loved me. or atleast i thought. and even 'till this day i think about the profound impact he had on me and how i view love.

the second being a guy i've never met. who lives across the world. whom i met during the pandemic when chatting online. we shared stories and endless memories and interests. i thought he was the coolest person on the planet. then, something shifted. things lead astray and now we don't talk.

but, recently i woke up to a notification that this estranged man wanted to add me on IG. I was scared and happy at the same time. i was so glad to see a glimpse of him. only for him for retract his follow mere moments after i tried adding him back. i messaged him and he said it was an accident. i told him i understood and then we were right back to strangers again.

i messaged him today (after much courage and thought)

"I keep thinking about you. Not in a bad way. I'm not sure why. I won't message you again after this but it was so random and out of the blue and I was worried that you might have needed someone to talk to. But, you assured me it wasn't the case. I'm sorry for any and everything. Be well."

i got so scared i deleted IG because i can't bear to read what he would say back or if he doesn't respond at all (i think that would be best) but its just so crazy to me that ive had so many thoughts regarding him over the course of 5 years and i can't let go. althought we dont talk i still feel like im tethered to him.

did i love him?

or am i trauma bonded to him?

are we just bad people?

why does he remember me?

why does time heal all wounds but this one?

[loyalestmunch]

11.19.23

actually the loneliest ive ever felt. i dont have a best friend. the two friends that i do have both have boyfriends n are preoccupied with them. im always in my room. im always in my four walls. i dont have a life outside of here. and i hate it so much.

i dont have someone i can spontaneously visit whenever i want anymore. i dont have a safe person that will always make time for me. if im sad, i dont have someone to go to. and it fuckiing sucks.

what sucks even more is when i sleep until 5 pm and check my phone to zero notifications. ts makes me go right the fuck back to sleep

i made an editing acc on tt. its cool its got like 70 smth followers so far. i really fucking hope i can make friends on there. but like. everyone in the editing community is like. 15 or 16. it just sux i used to edit at those ages too but now here i am at 18 (almost 19!) crawling back to the editing community to maybe find even a small glimpse of the happiness it gave me when i was younger. but nothing beat the feeling of dreaming of an edit in ur head all day.... waiting till school got out... running (literally) home to whip ts up on video star before i forgot it and then uploaded it and shared it amongst my little editing friends. and then i'd stay up late until 2 am or so watching and saving other edits i thought were cool. even in quarantine, i found joy in editing. november 2020 was actually the worst year of my life but also the best i miss it so much i miss the plethora of friends i used to have fuck. i miss playing identity v otp all night long with ray, i miss playing genshin in vc and doing stupid shit and farming for artifacts for hours on end with jazzy and tason and ray and gabby. my poor ipad wld overheat and my fingerprints would burn from dragging them across the hot screen but i didnt care . it was fun.

edit im not done i have more things i want to reminisce about .

ive been rewatching rick and morty and keeping up with the new seasons in the same sense that i watched it in middle school and now im crawling back to see if it brings me the same joy. and it does !. for the most part. but since justin got fired rip there's new voice actors. and it's fine honestly i dont care that much im still gna watch it but i hate how everythings changing. 13 year old me cldnt begin to fathom rick and morty losing (one of its) most renowned creator(s). like fuck. he voiced RICK AND MORTY. BOTH. like holy fuck. but its fine i guess the writings still kinda the same and the show is funny and makes me happy. i wish i had someone i cld take with me everywhere like my own little morty . i need friends.

i also miss the essence of boxed fettuchine(???) alfredo while watching r/m or camp camp at gammys house. ts was fire

i miss the roblox theme park tycoon and the chocolate cake we made that day and ate. it was so good.

i miss the lego game my cousin and i wld play. we didnt even do anything my mind just couldnt believe an open map game i haad so much fun just walking around and looking and doing absolutely nothing. and eating reheated pizzahut. and mcdonalds cookies. and funfetti boxed cake.

i miss when i had my phone taken when mom and i stayed at gammys when parents almst got divorced and i used her old iphone 5 she forgot she gave me and i had my little fandom acc on insta with my little mooties and friends and the warmth of gammys house in november fuck i miss it all i miss growing up so much i hate being an adult. i cant fucking have fun sober i dont have friends im alone nearly every single day i dont have friends in college i dont ta\lk to anyone i fucking just show up and leave without removing my earbuds.

and i know its my fsult. i know im the reason why i dont have friends. im the only reason why im like this. i only do it to myself.

im so alone and i just keep fucking regressing to find happiness because there's none here in present day thats for sure !

[bubsub69]

Entry 5

21/05/2023 15:00

FUCK

FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT IT FUCKING HAPPENED SHES DONE WITH ME SHE THREW OUT THE TRASH SHES GOTTEN SICK OF THE ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT THAT KEPT FUCKING BOTHERING HER BECAUSE I COULDNT KEEP MY DISGUSTING FUCKING MOUTH CLOSED.

after asking about moving on thursday i asked if she was free yesterday (saturday) and i asked again today. and i guess i finally depleted her patience she kicked me to the curb like the filth that i am

"Tonic by I’ll be unpacking - my roommate decided she wanted to get living alone so I have to move into my ex’s guest room 😭. Which means I’m going to put domming on hold till I have my own place!"

guess thats her way of making me leave her alone, guess ill have to stop being a nuisance to her, i probably wouldve prefered honestly but i guess i dont deserve that, she probably has the experience of giving said honesty and having the other person freak out, i guess its fair, maybe i would freak out like the little shit that i am.

she is saying she is excited for her own place but i doubt she'll even remember me by that time, gonna be one of the many losers she had to dump but i guess if she finally texts firsts saying she's gonna get her own place hopefully ill at least lose my anxiety with her.

i even started trying to talk to other doms on fetlife cause i was losing hope but i didnt expect finally being cutoff to hurt this much, had to hold a lot of tears at grandmas house and while doing cafe chores. well back to trying to find someone thatll settle for a piece of shit like me, after holding her puke from seeing my face and not minding that im the least interesting person in the world with no hobbies and that has no communications skills and is probably too shitty at giving affection but expects to receive it back, maybe thats karma for trying to find someone else and locking myself up with another keyholder, guess thats what i get for trying to talk to many people at once and not just being patient

even the keyholder has ignored my problem of not having the wheel working but oh well shes probably even busier considering shes a mod on chaster and also manages a whole ass discord of.. wow i just checked 500+ people, not everyone is locked probably but fuck me thats a lot more than i thought

hopefully i can move on and not cry everytime i look at telegram, just the first of many future painful "breakups" until i find someone thatll settle, or who knows maybe i dont deserve to be a burden on someon else

sorry for the edgy entry i just, i really thought i had a shot with her, i might still have but this was such a punch in the gut, hopefully she gets back to me, im gonna go completely radio silent, id uninstall the app if that didnt mean losing notifications, though maybe shed text through reddit, nah she wouldnt go through all that trouble, its just back to being patient as usual but without the hope this time (spoiler from the future i didnt ghost her, shocker)

maybe one day i get to open this diary with really great news but today is not the day

[verytendou]

remembered experiment on me exists and have been cured