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nenvyv · 7 months ago

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Unveiling the tips and tricks of being a successful social media manager:

Social Media Manager (SMM)… sounds fun right?

I mean, we all hang around on social media the whole day anyway - posting life updates and sharing around funny, often meaningless, things - why not get paid for it, RIGHT!

WRONG - Being a SMM actually feels a bit more like juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle…

Hectic… I know… but very close to reality.

Don't get me wrong - social media management does have it's upsides and can be fun and rewarding - but trying to keep up with the ever-changing landscape of social media and keeping your clients happy while doing so, can be hard.

That is why I am writing this blog post - to provide you with the tips and tricks I have learned throughout my journey as a Social Media Manager - tips I've gathered through trail, success and obviously... My errors.

You can call it my purpose in life - making the mistakes, so that you dont have to!

This guide I will assist you to learn how to navigating this thrilling, often chaotic realm with finesse and flair.

So let's dive in, shall we?

What if it is your monkeys, meaning it is in fact your circus?

Well first of all - KEEP CALM AND PLAN!

Planning is my secret weapon and I have used it to slay many "dragons" before.

I rely on planning so much that I've actually recently started sharing my planning techniques and planner layouts on my brand new online store named "BiteMagic" (if you are into digital downloads and planning) You can check out my variety of industry specific planner layouts, as well as a category made specially for al my boss ladies out there (yeah girl... We see you 😉) in store by clicking on the link below 👇

https://bitemagic.etsy.com

Planning brings us peace - because we know what to expect when we have planned our steps and therefore we can RELAX knowing that whatever happens, we've got a plan for it!

Content is King (Or Queen...!)

In the kingdom of social media, content reigns supreme. But not just any content-quality content that engages, educates, and entertains your audience. From witty captions to eye-catching visuals, your content should be a feast for the eyes and minds of your followers.

Bonus points if you can sneak in a cat video or two. 🐱

(#joking! Please don't do that… 😬)

Know Thy Platforms:

Each social media platform is like a different party with its own vibe and guest list. From the bustling streets of Twitter to the polished halls of LinkedIn, understanding the nuances of each platform is key to crafting the perfect social media strategy. So, put on your party hat and get ready to mingle!

Your client will usually tell you what platform they want to use if it's not set up already.

Out of experience, I recommend that you use the platform the client suggests as the main platform (for example: Facebook) and then ad on some secondary platform like Pinterest where you can share pinsyour Facebook page… all roads should eventually then lead to the clients WEBSITE because this is where your client has direct access to their clients who are already interested in the product/services they are providing because of all your strategic content you’ve created. Which means it wil not take much to convert these prospects into loyal paying customers all thanks to your hard work!

No wonder Social Media Managers are so in demand by all kind of industries, right!

Engagement strategies:

Social media is a two-way street. It's not just about broadcasting your message; it's about engaging with your audience, building relationships, and fostering a sense of community. Respond to comments, ask questions, and don't be afraid to show some personality. After all, nobody wants to follow a social media robot.

Pro tip:

DO NOT sell the first chance you get. Nobody likes being sold to… rather engage with the audience like you would with a close friend. Build the “relationship” first. You can read the 8 steps of successful marketing (which is highly recommended) right here:

Analytics:

The magical crystal ball that reveals the secrets of your social media success (or lack thereof).

Dive into your analytics regularly to track your performance, understand what's working (and what's not), and make data-driven decisions. Remember, knowledge is power, and in the world of social media, it's gold.

Inform your client of any concerning factors in the analytics and also what content / actions seem to be working when looking at the stats. Keep in mind what your clients goal are and then refer to the specific metrics that evaluates your current standing in that direction.

Like for example:

Your client wants you to manage his start- up business social media page. His goal is therefore awareness (because people need to know about his product/services before they can purchase/his product services).

So your job is to work on things like his page likes, followers or maybe starts joining local groups - slowly develop an image of the target market that is interested in what your client has to offer and also set the very important foundations in terms of Brand Awareness for your client and their business.

The Dark Side of Social Media

(dramatic music starts playing in the background…)

Yes, the dark side of social media.

From trolls to algorithm changes that make your head spin, navigating the challenges of social media management isn't always sunshine and rainbows.

I will discuss the dark side and how to not only handle it - but to use it as an advantage, in my next blog post.

But for now:

Time for a small exercise!

(yeah really …. We're going there…) 🤷‍♀️

Grab the closest paper you have lying around right now and write the following in big bold letters:

“With every challenge comes an opportunity to learn, grow, and become a social media Jedi master.

Now stick that baby in your kitchen, right above your kettle. Let it be a daily reminder that challenges are simply stepping stones to mastery. Practise does make perfect! Embrace each hurdle as a chance to refine your skills, innovate, and emerge stronger.

Bonus tip!

Your working space should be treated like the most important area in the house.

Set clear boundaries with friends and family members (even your cat... If needed) to not disturb you while you are in your working space.

Keep your space clean and organised ALWAYS!

Messy places causes messy minds!

Decorate with a cohesive colour scheme of light pastel colours for your working space.

I recently found some awesome items for my office on SellSA which you can go and check out here:

https://sellsa.co.za/home/affiliate-referral/66337c0dad57b

In the realm of social media management, where the pace is relentless and the landscape ever-shifting, it's crucial to maintain a growth mindset. The ability to adapt, learn, and transform challenges into opportunities is what sets apart the average from the exceptional!

So, as you sip your morning coffee or tea, let that note above your kettle serve as a beacon of resilience and determination. You're not just managing social media; you're crafting experiences, building connections, and shaping digital narratives.

Now go out there and GET IT...

Your journey awaits!

..........................................................................

This post contains affiliate links which means that if you choose to buy any of the products I suggested from the links, I will receive a small commission with no extra cost to you.

#make money online #pinterest #marketing strategy #social media manager #business #i sell content #tips #successmindset #inspiration #online #marketing #business growth #long reads #girlblogging

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falling--in--place · 6 years ago

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I need a minute to vent.

My daughters biological father isn’t my ex husband (that’s a story for a different day), but he came into her life when she was one and a half. She is the only dad she has ever known. When X and I started dating, everything was fine. We move in together and everything was ok. There was some adjustment because he had never lived away from his parents, I had been on my own(ish {I had been in shelters}) for two years. It was fine though. I showed him how to do stuff, whatever. At that point I was 17 and he was 19.

Shit started out small right. Like, honey I miss you so much when you are with your friends. Awww, right? Fucking wrong. The guilt trips kept ramping up until I literally felt super guilty for doing anything without him. Whenever I was on the phone with my mom or my sister he would pout or poke me with stuff. Just act like a child that doesn’t know how to behave properly. It didn’t take long before I didn’t really have friends any more.

He convinced me to quit my job because he made enough to support us and that way I could spend more time with Naomi. It would also make sleep for him easier since he worked 3rds and I was usually on 1sts.

When he asked me to marry him that fall (three months before fall) I was trapped. I was financially dependent. I didn’t have friends. I felt alone. He had become lazy at home. Wouldn’t ever spend time with Naomi unless I made him. Threw literal fits (actually threw himself onto the floor, like a toddler) when I asked him if he could run to the store for me. Wouldn’t do anything around the house because “he had a job.” Like that was some divine gift he gave me. I said yes. We got married in October 2011. I was 21.

The wedding was perfect. He let me do whatever I wanted. I’m pagan, but have a lot of really Christian family. So I mixed traditions, all the pagan aspects seemed just a little quirky to my very Christian family members. Only my mom and sisters and husband to be knew the real symbolism. My cake was a pale yellow with orange decorations. The bottom tier was a circle, the second a star (pentagram for those that were looking). My dress was Forrest green and my mom made it for me. A good friend of my mom officiated. I assembled the words from a website that helped people have a pagan wedding without non-pagans getting outraged. It was perfect. And it was the 29th. As close to Samhain as I could make it.

I thought maybe things would get better. They did for a little while. Until they got worse. Until he was yelling at me for not cleaning well enough. Until he refused to do anything with Naomi even when I begged. Until he started spending more than we had and blamed me for the debt. Until he bought whatever he wanted but the $0.99 coffee I bought was the problem. Until he broke me as a person and I forgot how to function.

I stopped being a person. I had a child to care for and I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t cook. I couldn’t clean. The house fell to shambles which caused more fights. He started to cook because I never got out of bed. He bitched about that too. All I ever did was log into an MMO my sister had dragged me to in 2012 and lay in bed.

Then I cheated. There was this guy in the video game. Super nice to me, treated me like someone of value. It was so nice. I started to feel more like a person again. We sent pictures back and forth sometimes. We texted a lot. I started getting out of bed more. I started living again. I was starting to feel like I could be ok, that not everyone would treat me like dirt while claiming to care. He caught me though. After several months... I forgot to lock my phone when I went to the bathroom. He caught me.

We fought. He broke stuff. He stormed out. Then he told me he wanted to work it out. I ended it with the guy. X started to treat me better. We talked a lot. It felt like he really cared. Until he didn’t again. Until his spending got even worse. Until I couldn’t take his presence any more. Until I threw myself into that MMO ever harder. Running a raiding guild with my closest friends in game. He still didn’t want me to work.

He was working from home for a tech company at that point. He started staying at work later and later. Hiding his phone. Whatever. I knew he was cheating. I didn’t care. Then he would stop trying to touch me. After I few months, I ended up getting even closer to my best friend. The guy I ran the guild with. We started dating. He was fully aware of my home life. Four months after that, X asked me for a divorce. He said it would be civil. We could work everything out.

Then he tried to screw me. I had to get a lawyer because he was trying to stick me with all the debt. I fought him in court until I was just sick of it. He had my power shut off when he moved out. Without telling me. Then when I tried to put it in my name. They told me I owed them $1600. My landlord called to tell me I was two months late in rent and they were going to evict unless I came up with the money in 30 days. He had opened several credit cards in my name and maxed them out. My credit is destroyed.

I gave up fighting because I just wanted him to go. He moved out of my house and into the girlfriends house. He had started paying her bills two months before he moved. That’s why mine were all in collections.

Fast forward. It’s been 2 years since he moved out. My daughter misses him. She texts him all the time. He makes empty promises about having her come visit. He tells her he will take her places and never does. He had a baby with this new girl. Naomi wants to meet her brother. She hasn’t yet. He PROMISED her that he would take her for a weekend this summer. Never happened.

I refuse to trash talking him to her. She will discover who is on her own. Maybe I am a terrible person, but I don’t want to be the bad guy here. And I have to soothe her broken heart every time he breaks a promise. I have to get over bubbly Facebook messages from the new girl about plans she wants to make with my daughter and try not to be bitchy since I know they won’t follow through. I just got a message from her. They are oh so concerned because there was a recall on some of Naomi’s meds, but they haven’t been concerned enough about her health to come see her. To talk to her in a regular basis. To FaceTime with her. To console her when our cat died.

I think I’m just being pissy tonight. I’m just fed up with him treating my daughter like she doesn’t count when she loves him to the moon and back. He doesn’t deserve her love.

#personal #ex husband hell #one of many reasons why i wont let people get close to my daughter like that again #fucking assholes #dont mind me i just got a facebook message from the new girl #i call her the new girl but they have a one and a half year old son together #i think i hate people for the rest of the night #venting #rant #long

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fairycosmos · 2 years ago

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This is late but i saw that anon you replied to who said they’re gen z but never got into IG or tiktok. I’m 22 and never had a facebook, twitter, instagram, and definitely will never have a tiktok. N tbh i truly am out of touch with people my age because of it, i fr do not relate to alot of women my age because they’re so into social media culture and are still in the dark depths of being super influenced to hate themselves and their natural bodies and to center men in their life, and I’m already at the better part of healing of all the self hatred and sexual objectification of myself, and i fully put that on me not being on these platforms like.. ever. I know for a fact i’d be the worst, most unhealthy me if i did what most women my age do on social media🤷‍♀️ but it’s a lot of pressure still, cause i feel extremely behind, and it’s isolating because i just don’t give a fuck to constantly talk about my appearance, tiktok beauty trends, dating and whatever else, it always seems to be the go to conversations when I’m in a group of women my age, it just drags me back to 16-17 year old me harming herself in many different ways to be “That Girl”. They talk how i did, it’s not a healthy setting or topics that should be constantly talked about for me or for anyone tbh, it’s too common for gen z women to bond over hating their bodies and the hyper sexualization of themselves. Imo it is a very different mindset between gen z women who are a part of social media culture and gen z women who are not. That’s just my personal experience and observation though!

yeah i hear you it's sad honestly...... TBH i dont separate myself from this because i'm also influenced by those types of social media platforms like a lot of women my age are, but just to a lesser extent. they're really built to shape your mind and have you reliant on them for a sense of validation and dopamine, literally like a drug lmfao. every other week there's a new trend on tiktok instilling insecurities directly into ppls heads and ppl even call it out for its ridiculousness but then will still internalise the message, it's exhausting.....anyway i get you. that's why i never got into insta really because i just couldn't fathom everything being so aesthetic and appearance-driven, all that performance and influencers dominating the space normalising extreme plastic surgery and face tune and tummy teas and whatever else - obviously you can curate your own feed, but it never felt fun at all. i think what you said about young women bonding over hating ourselves is extremely pertinent, so true. i see it all the time, in even the most casual of exchanges, and i think it'd be obtuse to say social media hasn't played a giant role in that! it upsets me bc i always wonder who we could all be and how we would all see ourselves if we hadn't been raised on this mental diet of bodies as a beauty trend and a commodity. im really glad you managed to circumvent this issue by building a healthy relationship with yourself and your own mind, without any sort of online pressure telling you who or what to be. i get that it can be isolating, though. hopefully in the future we'll see more ppl taking social media breaks and focusing on their mental health a little more, then it won't be so alienating. maybe that's wishful thinking on my part though, lmfao. ty for sharing <3

#the irony of having this convo online isn't lost on me though lol #anon

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deathuponher · 4 years ago

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ᴾᴱᴺᴬᴸ ᵂᴬᴺᵀᴱᴰ

Hi, 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔👉🏼👈🏼

Uhhhhhh idk how to start this, but here’s my second attempt at this. Yea so here’s my paragraph word? vomit!

✨Disclaimer part 1✨

🚫 if you’re an alm person or yu think we shouldn’t defund the police, gtfo like come on now

🚫 also if you’re a racist, sexist, misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, bigot etc. ALSO LEAVE!!!!! Scroll and look away

🚫 16- 24

Okay now tht thts out of the way🍄 My name is jay I’m 18, i like to call myself bones (tho I’m quite the opposite😭) and toad. Why? Those specific nicknames yu ask, well yu see I..i.. idk. But I live in SoCal where the weather consists of hot, cold, and fire. It’s either all above or in between.

I love cheese and onions 🧅

Any kind of music, if it makes me bop or feel something then it’s going in one of my long list of playlists

I consider myself a pretty crafty person, I like to glue or sew shit together. Yk the ✨vibes✨😻....🤮

PLUSSHUSHSIESSSSSS

Some fav shows: ATLA, gravity falls, bobs burgers, girl from nowhere, Tokyo vampire hotel, criminal minds, Derry girls, sex education, cennet, novelas, euphoria, love with flaws, st, ahs, Sanrio boys

Love watching any movie, even tho I hav a lot of movies in my watchlist that I don’t watch but just keep adding to. I hav a Letterboxd acc if yu wanna see some of the movies I’ve watched

Also I really like chick flicks... yes Ik I’m basic asf but they give me a new personality to steal from. Also movies from my childhood

Facebook memes😼

ART

People who are straight up and honest, but those who dont do it on purpose and intentionally want to hurt yu. Even tho Ik the truth be hurting but there’s a difference😤

I’m lowkey kind of like a stale chip thts been in a trash container, but it still got flavor bc yk the raccoons be digging in there... what🤔?? Tht sounded way better in my head but yes stale chips= me

🍄 I would like someone to talk to just about anything and everything. Passions, interests, spirituality, culture, inspirations, art, food ESPECIALLY FOOD😌💅🏼 movies, tv, fashion, anime, hent...👁😏 religion, history, nature, herbs, poetry, music, makeup, conspiracy theories, views on certain things, the meaning of life?, yeah yu get it☺️

✨Disclaimer part dos✨

We must chat online for while before giving out our address. But eventually I do want to send mail and packages and stuff.

🚫 my energy/ social battery gets low quick, maybe it’s the obesity or the MeNtOl IlLnEsS lauv or maybe it’s not being able to keep in touch with someone continuously. But I will still around and eventually will reply back and I hope yu stick around to🥺 pwease I need fwens rn.

🚫also I hav a tendency to disappear some business days and sometimes I do it w/o a notice. But I don’t do it intentionally. It’s a huge con about me but I’m a human and I get stuck

🍓 If yu liked wat yu read🗿please send me a message on tumblr and I’ll give yu my email

💒 If yu finished reading to the end, THANK YUU!!! Ily🥺💗 I wish yu the best and blessings🐛

Can’t wait to hear from yu!!!🍊

My tumblr is @deathuponher

#snailmail #snail mail #art #penpal #letters #writing #penpalling #penpal wanted #internet friends #penpals wanted #online friends #cheese #penpals #mail #mailing buddy

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drfeelgood-21 · 5 years ago

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The past 5 Years...

I feel like some of you should know where i have been these last 5 horrid years, and it took me a long time to actually come to terms with writing this post. But here we go Back in 2013 i joined Tumblr,made friends, made posts, and learned about some amazing music. MY journey for Metal had just begun. Fast forward 2 years, Im now running a successful metal/rock blog with a side of whatever the fuck i like. I had many friends that i would chat with on the daily through Snap,Facebook, and kik. I was there for many of you as you were there for me. I graduated High school and had a job. I was going into College. My hometown Uni that I always dreamed of going to. I was excited and this sets forth the downfall of my life... Part 2: 2016 hits, Im still getting over the emotions of The Force Awakens (Star Wars FTW) Type O Negative grew on me hard, and i started a smoking addiction to cigars. My energy drink addiction mixed in with that. Full time college and a full time job were hell but i managed. My grades were great, the financial stress wasnt. I was Paying for Uni out of pocket and it lead to some hard times. May came along and well I found myself a girlfriend who ended up cheating on me. I partied hard with friends, got drunk, did some insane shit and even hosted a party with my bestfriend Scott that got over 200 people to show up. The end of Summer approached and I found this bright eyed beautil woman named Natasha. I fell hard. The only issue was, i was her Manager and i told myself to not do it. Luckily for me i was already applying for new jobs and was picked up by a huge branded Franchise company so we started dating.....Little did i know at the time i was helping her cheat. Little did i know this was her game. We spent the next two years “In Love” by this it was a blind game of abuse and manipulation. She scarred me so bad that i thought i was a narcissistic asshole. She found out about my use of tumblr and made me delete it and take off every single friend of mine from here. One night she slapped my face to awaken me and ask who Emily was ( a friend from tumblr long ago) She was jealous of a message i had sent Emily back in 2015 ( this ould be a good time to mention its January 2017) I didnt see abuse at all. I could only see me trying better every day for her, but she was never happy. She constantly needed sex, constantly needed love, amd had trouble not being with me. At the time i of course enjoyed it because i thought it was love. I ended up getting an apartment with her late 2017.. We lived together till June 2018....I broke up with her She cost me the following -Best friendship with Scott -Friendship with anyone i talked to on social media ( Alot of you) -My college career -She spiked my depression - Made me feel like i should kill myself -Connection with family members - Trust -Connection with others I know that this post will probably summon that anon that hit right after the break up but just Fuck off. I was angry ,depressed, and really fucking suicidal, I got injured at work and couldnt move for 2 weeks. (Dislocated my knee) But when i got back to work, i got a message from an old friend who just used me for sex, so that happened.. 2018 sucked except for starting to branch out into the local clubs. 2019 Though....That was the year of rebuild. Worked my ass off at work and on myself. Figured out a lot of stuff, made New Amazing friends. Started back up old friendships and got my own Duplex so life in 2019 wasnt bad but i will admit i was drinking through a lot of it. 2020 had a slow start. But in the end of January this one girl approached my friend group and asked if she could dance with us. Of course i said, and we actually spent the rest of the night all together and she attached herself to my best friend Amber. We spent at least an hour talking about Emo bands and style, until she got picked up by a friend. I had her snap though and decided to message her the next day and tell her it was great to meet you we should hang out again soon. I was Nervous, i hadnt done something like this for four years... When she said yes to hanging out again my heart skipped, It wasnt officially a date but it was interest. We hung out a couple more times and i know i told her i liked her the second time, but i started liking her when she said “ you’re making me break my stoic reputation” February 1st the morning after we went out again, i asked her to be mine...It was fast but i really hadnt felt this way since 4 years ago....One things for sure though..every time im with her the feeling grows stronger even though i did shut myself down. Its jsut scary how comfortable i am around her because i feel so vulnerable and i dont know if its just me getting my trust back, but I do know that im in love with her. Shes beautiful in so many ways and helps me rediscover who i am..what I stand for. I wanted to tell her that i love her after a nice actual dinner date...I had it planned.. But this Covid bullshit made me rush it. I had to tell her before she visited her parents back home.... little did we know at the time that she would be back home sooner than expected. I was at work when her dad surprisingly picked her up and made her move back home to Quarantine from this fucking virus. I sure as hell felt numb reading the letter she left me. These are weird and hard times, and its sucked this past week. I cant get my mind to shut off, im stressed, i go to work, i take care of family. Im Feeling drained and exhausted, but one thought of her and it all goes away.. I miss her. I just want to see her and hold her. Today was probably the worst day ive had in a long time....Im not doing well but im back Tumblr , to all whom even care anymore. Thanks for sticking around

#long #personal #might delete #life #ollie

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brynhildr13 · 6 years ago

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MY personal unofficial live report of NYC!

Again, this is NOT OFFICIAL. I was NOT PRESS. This is just MY PERSONAL account of my amazing experience!!! I copied it from my Facebook post i made. @baby-come-bach is "Melissa".

Okay. So now that im home and safe and I committed everything to memory i wanna talk about the show!!! IF you wanna just skip down to the meet and greet go down below the line. The stuff above is what happened during the concert.

The live was AMAZIIIIIINNNGGG!!! EVEN BETTER THAN THE LAST SHOW.

There was the stage, then the pit, then behind the pit was about 6 steps and a platform with a railing. Behind that was another set of steps and a railing and seating in the back. Once we got into the venue i told Melissa to take my poster and go get me the spot i wanted while i got merch. We were behind the pit at the railing on Uruha's side. He's my fave bandman and OHHHO MY GOD THE VIEW WAS. PERFECT. Melissa must have read my mind because she knew i like uruha but didnt know what side he stood on. Lolol. She guessed correctly and stayed to the right. I stayed in line for merch and got my stuff and went to meet her. I couldnt have asked for better view. We werr SO CLOSE. And above the pit so i didnt have to fall victim to my stature.

So we wait and then they start the show. And they all walk out all stoic and tall and QIDNWODNWJD. Kai came out first, then aoi and reita and uruha, then ruki last. And they went right into their songs. They sounded SOOOO good omg.

My highlights from the show:

Uruha was HEADBANGING ALL NIGHT and SPINNING AROUND AND SMILING HE WAS SOOOO INTO IT HE BROUGHT SO MUCH ENERGY.

Ruki kept dancing and shaking his shoulders and hips. He cant dance that well so it was endearing and funny but also kept the mood.

Kai was smiling like the sun the whole time. He LOVES to perform and it shows.

Reita kept bending down really low and slapping his bass really hard. Especially when they played one song that featured him. (the mortal) He went HAM. IT WAS AWESOME.

Aoi was so majestic. He didnt really MOVE much but he did walk around the stage with the others a lot. He was so captivating just like before.

And there were two or three 15-30 second pauses. Their english was WAY better than last time, especially Ruki's! He said "we were so excited to come to New York!! We're so happy to be here!!!!" And then they riled us up with call and answer. It was great!!!!

The second pause was Kai!! I didnt even know it was him until I heard talking and didnt see Ruki on stage!! But Kai said, "i love new York!! I love you guys!! We are so excited to be here!!" And then he did a call and answer with us.

I SWEAR THEY ALL LOOKED AT ME LIKE 25 TIMES DURING THE LIVE. It was like they wanted to see EVERY FAN. They kept their eyes up and out to the crowd most of the time!

I TRIED to show them support but i also wanted to actually stand and WATCH. So I really only Committed to Ninth Odd Smell, UGLY, abhor god, and Filth in the Beauty. The rest I was more tame on cuz i wanted to SEE them. But all those songs get me HYYYYPE so i had to give it my all.

They played Suicide Circus again too!!!!! And Inside Beast this time!!!! Those were the two songs Melissa knows best so she got to hear stuff she enjoyed! Also, we made sure to watch Aoi in the second verse because he bowed most regally with his arm up and he twirled his wrist as he brought it down into the bow. Just like in the music video!!! It was AMAZING. SOOOOOOOOOOO COOL!!! And Ruki's rapping was SO COOL TO HEAR LIVE AGAIN. it was even better than last show!

ONE THING I always enjoyed was when Ruki adds a little improv to long outros. For Sono Koe Wa Moroku which is a slow ballad he added his own little wisps of vocals and screams which was so cool!!

They ended the set with filth in the Beauty and the crowd kept trying to call for encore but no one knew how to keep time so everyone kept thunderclapping instead of joining together in one voice.

One girl in the pit got on someone's shoulders and lifted her top and flashed the camera that was recording us. I couldnt tell if they kicked her out or not. All i remember thinking was "thats DEFINITELY not gonna make them wanna come on stage any sooner." Also no one crowd surfed that I saw like last show. And this girl behind us was yelling "WE /DESERVE/ AN ENCORE." which irritated melissa and i a bit. Like, bitch, no you dont deserve it. You deserve the OPPORTUNITY for it. What a gross fan. I hoped they werent VIP cuz I wouldnt want her to be a bad fan to them and say anything rude. When they did come on stage that girl was acting like she single-handedly brought them out on stage. She otherwise didnt bother us. We ignored her the rest of the time. She was gone from my mind in two seconds once they came back out.

They played 3 encore songs and ended with Tomorrow Never Dies!! Which is a good song to end on. It has a beautiful message of hope. Once it was over Ruki kept saying "thank you!!" And we'd answer with a cheer and he said "we will see you again real soon!! Good night, New York!!" And then as we filtered out they checked our wrist bands and we were allowed into the seating part to wait until they were ready for the meet and greet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They called row by row and we were in the middle of the last section so we scooted out and ran to the top. I wanted to be LAST FOR THE MEET AND GREET. And we ended up DEAD LAST. We were next to these girls who flew FROM JAPAN to see them. I would have liked to talk to them but I was so nervous to, so i just quietly listened to them converse in japanese.

When they called us we filed down! And we went thru these doors and there were small steps and THERE. THEY. WERE. right there!!! I saw Reita's mask and hair and my stomach dropped cuz it was ACTUALLY THEM. So melissa helped me get the poster out and I unfolded it and I get up to Aoi and I was so star struck I forgot EVERYTHING I was gonna say. But i saw him look down and see it and he said "oh wow!!! Design?" I couldnt even answer. The staff beside him thought I didnt understand so she said "he asked if you drew this." And i said "ohhh my god. Yes. Yes. Design. Yes." And he looked at me, IN MY EYES with these bright wide eyes and he said "thank you! So cool! Thank you" and he took my hands in his and we looked in each other's eyes and I saw warmth and love and dedication. Im sure he saw pure terror and awe in mine but we said thank you. I slide it down to Reita and i see him look down and his eye we could see through his mask, which up close almost looked like cloth and not plastic, got so big and he has a deeper voice so he just said "WOW!!" AND stared for a second and then he looked at me and said "you draw this??" And I still had no words so I just nodded and said "YES. YES. DRAWING." And we still held eyes and he said "this is amazing!!! Thank you so much!" And he took my hands in his and shook and we said thank you!! Then I slid it down to Ruki and OH MY GOD RUKI WAS PERFECT. From my peripheral i glimpsed aoi and reita following with their eyes. And ruki saw it and his face LIT UP and he said "WOW! YOU DREW THIS?!" And I found my words so I said "yes! Kakimashita! I drew this!!" And he pointed to himself and he smiled and said "I LIKE THIS!!!! I LIKE THIS!!!! THANK YOUU! THANK YOU!!!" and he grasped my hands in his and we shook and said thank you. Then I move to Kai and he says "HI!!!" AND I SAID "HELLO!!!!" and i show him and he SMILES SO BIG and he said "oh wow! A drawing!?" And I said "kakimashita! I drew this!" And he looked at me and said "its amazing!!! Good job!! Thank you!!" And his smile WAS EVEN BIGGER AND HE just MELTED MY HEART RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!! AAHH!!! and he grasped my hands in his and shook and we ssaid thank you to each other and last was MY FAVORITE URUHA and let me tell you. He recently dyedd his hair blonde and I did not like it. It was cut like a bob and it was super "I wanna talk to your manager." Our ongoing joke was to call him Susan. But i saw HIM. AND HIM AND HIS HAIR WAS A FOOT AWAY FROM ME. AND HE LOOKED. BEAUTIFUL. IMMACULATE. I ALMOST HAD THE NERVE TO APOLOGIZE. But I showed him my poster. His reaction was my favorite. His eyes got real big and he said "ooooooooooooooohh!!!! Wow!!!!!!!" And i said "kakimashita!! I drew this!!" And he couldnt even speak he just kept saying "wow!!" And he looked at me and I looked at him and we shook hands and he took my hands in his and he said "thank you so much!" And I said "thank you!!!" And then i don't remember but i think uruha was still super close to me after we let go and i turned away and i think i turned back around and black out yelled "OMG YOURE MY FAVORITE." AND I think he smiled embarassed and said "thank you so much!" And then we tried to fenangle it back into the box and i caught the smallest glimpse of Aoi and Reita leaning over the table to look and see. Eventually we got the plastic on and the staff member said "ill take it." So we handed it over and then I both hand waved and said "BYEEE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!" AND OH MY GOD ALL 5 OF THEM LEANED OVER AND LOOKED AT ME AND WAVED AND SAID "BYEE THANK YOUU!!" and then they gave us our VIP towels and we were told to scoot so we went down the hallway and out the door!! And that was IT!!!

I. MET. THE. GAZETTE.

This is what I gave to them and Showed them.

I. SHOWED. THEM. MY. ART.

THEY. LLLOOOVVVEEEDDD. MY. ART.

AS MELISSA SAID, "it was a Total Eclipse Of The Art."

MY BIGGEST DREAM CAME TRUE.

#the gazette #ruki #uruha #aoi #reita #kai #personal post #rantings #wt2019 #phase 4 #99.999 #nyc #ps theater #5/6/19

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hi Joe: There's no gentle way of doing this, so I'll just get to it, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it but you're free to ignore this if that's the case Joe: but I've been looking for my half-sister, and I think its you Ronnie: if youre basing that on a family resemblance youve shot yourself in the face like Ronnie: reload & keep looking Joe: Yeah, I know Joe: but I ain't Joe: Aside from coming at you with what's on any facebook profile anyway Joe: do you know your biological mum's name or? Ronnie: whos used facebook in a decade thats your 1st fuck up Ronnie: 2nd to reckoning my dna is any of your business Joe: who's putting their date of birth and hometown anywhere else? Joe: you were born in [hospital] right? Ronnie: phone numbers on toilet walls getting played out Ronnie: yeah & Joe: then it is you Joe: everything adds up, you have the right birthday, right place, right last name, and first, still Ronnie: right colour Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy maths Joe: its your bio dad that's black Ronnie: fuck you i know that Ronnie: read my file well before you stalked me Joe: so do you know her name or nah Ronnie: it was in there Joe: Tess Vickers Joe: she is your mum Ronnie: i came out of her Ronnie: shes not my fucking mum Ronnie: id know you if she was Joe: 'course Joe: that's what I meant Ronnie: pick your words more careful soft lad Joe: she don't have any more Joe: I ain't had to do this before, like Ronnie: made up for her Ronnie: & you Ronnie: only took her how many years to claim her bastards Joe: I don't know why she didn't, only what she's said Joe: but if you wanted to ask her, I could set that up Ronnie: if it took her a bit to recover from goin black i don't need to ask her about that Ronnie: got my own experiences cheers Joe: is there anything you do Ronnie: if i had any questions id have chucked 'em at her when i aged out Joe: fair enough Joe: you wanna ask me anything then Ronnie: you old enough to be cleaning out your mas skeletons & seein if theyll dance for you Joe: not what I'm doing Joe: but I'm 19 Ronnie: course she never kept herself stitched up for long Ronnie: got a taste for it like Joe: by all accounts she met my dad the same year she had to give you up so Ronnie: bet he was proper comforting Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: Must've been Ronnie: if she kept you longer than the hour yeah Joe: I've got 3 brothers and a sister too Ronnie: when did she meet their dads Joe: we've got the same, like Joe: youngest is nearly 5 Ronnie: shes still alive then Ronnie: impressive Joe: is it? Joe: suppose so Ronnie: he got cash your sperm donor Ronnie: less dangerous game that one Joe: they both do alright now but you'd probably aim higher if that was the game you were playing Ronnie: shifting gear aint no game now or back then Ronnie: but she was small time Ronnie: that hand to mouth shit Joe: yeah, for years Joe: her dad's debts not helping none Ronnie: hes gotta be dead Joe: yeah Joe: year I was born Joe: so new mouth to feed and inheriting the neverending debts of John Joe: must've seemed like a great time to have more 'cos my brother is only a year younger than me 👍 Ronnie: least you aint inherited his name Ronnie: like i said insatiable Joe: thank fuck Ronnie: piss poor addiction but fuck it Ronnie: shes keeping 'em fed & clothed this time 👏 Joe: gutted social don't hand out round of applauses no doubt Joe: know she is for a fact 'cos she ended up working for 'em, and fostering two poor kiddies in need Joe: what do you reckon to her addiction now? Ronnie: sounds about right theyd left her Ronnie: state of the cunts running that show Joe: mhmm Ronnie: white kids are easier to love Ronnie: its on the posters like Joe: in theory Joe: but this way she gets to be obsessed with you from afar Ronnie: pay me enough & ill come press my face longingly against her windows Joe: I'll keep it in mind for her birthday or something Ronnie: fuck all else you wanna rock my world with or what Joe: Hmm Joe: hold up whilst I trawl a lifetime of overshare for any more tidbits Ronnie: she aint rotting by the roadside or ashes i can snort means my hearts already broken Ronnie: take your time Joe: sorry to disappoint Joe: suppose by the time you got to your file, it told you she'd run away from Liverpool, yeah? Ronnie: bullshit are you Ronnie: youre loving having another cunt to share it with Ronnie: whats the matter dont your brothers & sister wanna play Joe: I'm the favourite Joe: favourite that's about Joe: they got the gist but no file for them Ronnie: 💔 Joe: you said Joe: so, what you saying, you care if I tell her I found you or what? Ronnie: if it feels good do it baby Ronnie: why would i care Ronnie: shes not gonna show up Joe: what if she did? Ronnie: no fixed address Joe: I've told you she loves a cause Joe: say you don't wanna see her Ronnie: shooting the messenger aint no kill shot Ronnie: youre not invested in me Joe: I'm not not, clearly Joe: I'm the one looking, ain't I Ronnie: let her look under every rock with you Ronnie: i hope one bashes her skull in Joe: alright Joe: I'll pass it on Ronnie: good boy Ronnie: get that sticker on your reward chart Joe: god I hope so Ronnie: 🙏 Joe: Your profile says you're in London, still true? Ronnie: i don't need you at my door either Joe: 🙄 Ronnie: roll your eyes at me again Joe: 🙄🙄 Ronnie: 🖕🖕 Joe: 😏 Ronnie: what the fuck do you want Joe: I've told you Ronnie: nah Ronnie: spit it out Ronnie: youre circling around it stop being a pussy Joe: how am I? Ronnie: what do you want for fucks sake Joe: meet you Ronnie: its not happening Joe: why not Ronnie: i hate that you exist Ronnie: that she got a 2nd chance & i didnt get 1 Joe: that's fair Joe: you can hate me in person Ronnie: i aint goin to prison for killing you Ronnie: you wish Joe: yeah Joe: oh well Ronnie: take your death wish home Ronnie: or on a different part of the internet Joe: awh, cheers for the sisterly advice Ronnie: shut your mouth Ronnie: i ain't your sister Joe: kk Ronnie: dumping all your bullshit on me dont make us related Joe: we are Joe: you not wanting it don't fight biology Ronnie: her not wanting me cancels it all out Joe: not to me Ronnie: i give a shit how you feel Ronnie: youre a stranger with fuck all i want Joe: you ain't checked what I've got Ronnie: until facebook adds income i dont care Joe: 💔 Ronnie: you must look like your da Ronnie: dont be Joe: well you look like her Joe: not that I've seen yours Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont Joe: yeah you do Joe: [sends pics] Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright Joe: catch you around then Ronnie: get it through your head Ronnie: you wont Joe: what you scared for Ronnie: youre having fun trying to mess me up Ronnie: that aint how i get mine Joe: I'm seriously not Joe: I've got the message though, alright Ronnie: youre seriously throwing all this shit at me like im gonna smile as i eat it Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I don't expect fuck all Joe: I just wanna know you but if you don't then that's alright Joe: I won't message again Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you aint asked about me Ronnie: you wanna bitch about 'em Joe: that's why I wanna meet you Joe: I've thrown enough questions at you for one convo Ronnie: nah you wanna meet me to see if i proper look like her Joe: I've got eyes Ronnie: if thats what you reckon you see they dont fucking work Ronnie: get down the social & claim Joe: you're fine, its not dead ringer levels Ronnie: im fucking fine cause theres none of her in me Joe: I'm glad for you Ronnie: were not family save your lies Ronnie: i dont need any blows softened Joe: its only me bitching Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: & you can save your tears Ronnie: you already cant see fuck all like Joe: what do you want? Ronnie: too late to give a fuck Ronnie: youve shit over me with this Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: nah Ronnie: sorry for yourself aint the same Joe: Why would I be sorry for me? Joe: I got everything Ronnie: not how youre framing it Joe: why would you believe me Ronnie: not hard to believe mummy dearest loves me best Ronnie: not like she dumped me fast as she could & legged it Joe: she weren't allowed to keep you, she was 14 with a junkie non-dad to look after you both Ronnie: & what she didnt get any older or get her shit together Ronnie: fuck that Joe: did you want her to come 'round and pick you up 4 years later? Ronnie: she had you cunts instead Joe: so she comes and gets you and the social come with and see the fake bailiffs and the bashed in door and we all go back with you Joe: I see the appeal Ronnie: you reckon i had it better Ronnie: thats what this nancy drew bullshit is about Joe: nice one, genius Joe: in what world is that adding up Ronnie: yours Ronnie: in what world would i have not gone with any cunt to get me out of that place then Joe: I'm telling you why she didn't get you, not telling you why you wouldn't wanna be there Ronnie: youre giving me both Ronnie: cant help yourself Joe: they're the same reason Joe: if she tried to get you, they'd say nah 'cos her life was a mess, simple as Ronnie: & yet here you are Ronnie: not a care kid a single day in your fucking life Ronnie: so like i said she got her shit together in the end Joe: she was 18 when I came around and we got taught how to say the right thing to socials and how to shut our mouths the rest Joe: but that's just what she told me Joe: she probably didn't want you, looking back Ronnie: why would she Ronnie: had a new set up with a cunt that stayed Ronnie: cuter kids Joe: 'cos she loved your da the way only a 14 year old girl can Joe: pro and a con in your favour Joe: does she want the reminders or does she not Ronnie: not Ronnie: youre the only pussy walking memory lane Ronnie: aint her looking Joe: yeah, s'me, so why you chatting at me like I'm the one that fucked you off Joe: not productive Ronnie: cause you are Joe: I've gone to leave loads now Joe: you've clearly got shit to say Joe: so just say it at me, I've already offered that n'all Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: i didnt ask for this Ronnie: she was in the ground for all i knew Joe: she still can be Joe: I ain't telling Ronnie: nah you opened your gob & let all that shite out Ronnie: i couldve been about to slit my throat or pull a shift Joe: you could've easily found out she weren't dead yourself too Ronnie: what should it tell you that i didnt Joe: ignorance ain't such bliss I've tipped you over the edge Ronnie: you dont know shit Ronnie: how does yours feel Joe: how do you think Ronnie: i think you should ask if people have got time & space to spin out before you fuck with their heads Ronnie: i think you should go suck a dick mckenna Joe: why should I? Joe: no one asked me and I owe you shit Ronnie: she owes me Ronnie: youre nothing Ronnie: you dont see me knocking cause im not looking for answers & theres fuck all else to collect by the sounds of it Joe: then fucking collect Ronnie: talk to your ma like that Joe: hit me up when you stop being scared Ronnie: keep it up and ill smash in your face Joe: how Joe: you don't wanna meet Ronnie: dont flatter yourself nancy drew Ronnie: i can still kick your door in Ronnie: be like the baliffs are back Ronnie: you can revisit your childhood Joe: now who wants to go for a jaunt down memory lane Ronnie: you wish Joe: 🙏 Ronnie: i reckon your imaginary friends gotta be sick of your bullshit by now Joe: no doubt, nancy drew Ronnie: we cant both be nancy Joe: alright you be sid then Ronnie: still not gonna kill you baby Ronnie: but youre getting warmer Joe: I know, stalked you, remember Ronnie: get a hobby or habit mckenna Ronnie: your little misery boners aint cute Joe: oh I got plenty of thoses Joe: your concern is, kinda Ronnie: youve thrown me into the big sister deep end Ronnie: sounds like how you want it Joe: very obliging Ronnie: unloved kids get it where they can Ronnie: thats on the back of the poster Joe: trust, I know Ronnie: 💔 Joe: not me Joe: never mind, not my sob story to hit you with Ronnie: you only wanna share yours Joe: maybe when we get cosy I'll divulge all the family secrets, sis Ronnie: maybe if you chat shit like that to me again ill choke on my puke Joe: n'awh Ronnie: kill yourself Joe: sure thing Ronnie: very obliging Joe: it was already in the diary tbh Joe: but I'll pop you in the note if that makes you feel 💘 Ronnie: show me yours & ill show you mine Joe: deal Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: [skippity skip] Ronnie: pick me up Joe: where from Ronnie: [location that's sketchy as all hell] Joe: alright Joe: that should take me 'bout half an hour this time of day Ronnie: im not goin anywhere mckenna Joe: you alright Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: got it Joe: 🚖 📵 Ronnie: important for you to know your place Joe: must be popular with the cabbies 👑 Ronnie: yeah im on a ban Ronnie: look out for my picture hanging Joe: what did you do Joe: vom and not pay the fine one too many times? Ronnie: we taking another trip down memory lane Ronnie: i aint 12 Joe: go on then, what was it Ronnie: the cunt crashed its fuck all to get excited about Joe: did you get hurt? Ronnie: didnt feel it Joe: what about the driver Ronnie: i reckon he felt it Joe: fucked you're stuck with the tube then Joe: 💔 Ronnie: cheers motherfucker Ronnie: cant you drive Joe: 'course I can Joe: where'd your license go, got a story for that and all or? Ronnie: car theft would be a dead good sibling bonding activity Ronnie: but i dont need your help to break a window Joe: another time Ronnie: nah Ronnie: next time some other cunt will pick me up Joe: good thing I didn't specify Joe: tah for keeping me well in the loop of your schedule though Ronnie: other shit in the diary besides blowing my brains out Ronnie: can move it up if you aint gonna shut up Joe: 🤐 Joe: you can keep all your dates Ronnie: made up i am Joe: no need to say thanks, I feel it Ronnie: you wanted to meet up Ronnie: wish granted Joe: I know Joe: reckon blue would suit Ronnie: what Joe: genie Joe: you owe me 2 more, yeah? Ronnie: rubbing me up the wrong way dont count Joe: damn Ronnie: i can do black & blue Joe: changed your mind then Joe: my 🍀 day Ronnie: you got the accent Ronnie: my head cant do subtitles Joe: not really Joe: not proper Joe: some of my younger ones do but they can barely remember Liverpool Ronnie: nothing to be 💔 about Ronnie: its a shithole Joe: least its a shithole with some history Joe: we moved to a newbuild shithole so Joe: win some lose some Ronnie: your boner for history aint that big Joe: you checked what I'm studying? 😏 Ronnie: you dont post about fuck all else Joe: I'm barely outta freshers let me have it Ronnie: dont give me the flu Joe: thought that was just a euphemism Joe: either way, on my life Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: not as much fun as people chat, shockingly Ronnie: what is Ronnie: the shit that feels good is the shit youre meant to keep your mouth shut about Joe: hear hear Ronnie: 💘 Joe: 💘 Joe: you live there or am I picking you up from a mates Ronnie: neither Joe: alright Ronnie: drop me on the other side Joe: no problem Ronnie: then you can go back to wanking over symphonies Joe: you wanna help me with my homework Joe: so nice Ronnie: what are big sisters for Joe: yeah Ronnie: shits fucked up Joe: right Joe: but you can be more specific Ronnie: nah i cant Joe: don't know where to start? Ronnie: it starts with being born Joe: okay, so the starts the easy bit Joe: the middle Joe: we don't have time Ronnie: we aint gonna trauma bond mckenna youve been beaten to it Joe: ah you got a troubled boyfriend Joe: that's cool Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you heard me say i aint 12 Joe: you know what I mean Ronnie: not very nancy drew if you reckon im that bitch Joe: we can't both be sid Ronnie: touche baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: im gonna carve up this cunt if you dont pull me out Ronnie: & thatll make him feel too special Joe: who? Joe: I'm nearly there Ronnie: my not boyfriend Ronnie: dont waste romance like that on strangers Joe: sensible Joe: just carve anything but 💘 and he shouldn't get too clingy Ronnie: whats the symphony that gets you off fastest Ronnie: ill do that Joe: Khachaturian's Sabre Dance works as a play on words and should get him to crescendo 👌 Ronnie: hot Joe: orchestra nerds get all the bitches Ronnie: yeah Joe: you aren't a catfish, are you Joe: I mean, I'll recognize you Ronnie: look for your mas face Joe: fuck it, therapy overdue anyway Ronnie: fuck you for saying that Ronnie: making it go round my head Joe: I shouldn't have said that Ronnie: i should stab you Ronnie: all these pieces of mirror Ronnie: fuck him Joe: you can, long as you keep it shallow, or don't mind swinging by the hospital Ronnie: i dont get my kicks at a&e Joe: you'll have to play nice then Ronnie: youll get too clingy Joe: avoid the 💘 Ronnie: some other bitch can have the honours Joe: or has Joe: don't I seem 💔 Ronnie: dont need to hear how you lost your virginity mckenna Joe: noted Joe: save that trip down memory lane for private time Joe: me and mozart Ronnie: explains a shit ton if the conductor is molesting you Ronnie: but not gonna be the sister who tells him where to put that stick he waves about Joe: Mozart was pretty fucked up but I don't reckon it went that far Ronnie: i dont know him 💔 Ronnie: there was a Moz here earlier fuck knows if theyre any relation Joe: You're more a Liszt type, called it Ronnie: what the fuck kind of fuck you is that Joe: 😂 Joe: actually he's considered the world's first rock star, I was being nice Ronnie: shut up Joe: what, you ain't seen the ken russell film with daltrey in? Joe: have a word Ronnie: get a life Joe: tomorrow Joe: maybe Ronnie: i cant fucking believe it had to be you Ronnie: thank fuck i already aint showing my face here again Joe: thought you said you weren't 12 Joe: but I don't need to come in if you don't wanna be embarrassed in front of your mates Ronnie: i said my mates aint here Joe: no need to tell me why you're there Ronnie: where the fuck are you Joe: just got out, 5 minutes Ronnie: i need to get out Ronnie: move it like Joe: alright Joe: come find me then, make it go faster Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: what's wrong Ronnie: if my body would do what it was told i wouldnt need you Ronnie: cant even paint you a fucking picture Joe: right Ronnie: theres a shit load of stairs yeah Ronnie: i cant do 'em Joe: if you're fat I swear to god Ronnie: calm your tits nancy drew Ronnie: you know thats bullshit Joe: I'll trust you ain't catfishing then Ronnie: thats my next tat Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: sweet Ronnie: hurry up Joe: I am Joe: [show up boy] Ronnie: [when you're just there like damsel in distress which ain't you so it makes it more awks] Joe: [what a first meeting just having to carry her away from god knows where like] Ronnie: [just like we don't know each other but just carry me to your vehicle thanks] Joe: [just doing it silently like this is normal] Ronnie: [since I cant find a pic she should go get that tattoo now just casually drag him along] Joe: [once you get the use of your limbs back lol] Ronnie: [lbr its blatantly someone sketchy she knows the state of them all] Joe: [god bless] Ronnie: [when I know its gotta go on her face somewhere cos #triggered by looking like Tess and I'm just screaming like NOOO] Joe: [my boo is horrified and Joe too] Ronnie: [soz you're so cute bitch and you wanna look so ugly] Joe: [lowkey dread to think how annoying the heal time is on a face tat] Ronnie: [blasting that orchestra bop he mentioned earlier as loud as poss cos yeah you searched for it and yeah you don't wanna hear your thoughts or have a convo] Joe: [when you don't run like you should 'cos you too are a crazy person] Ronnie: [match made in heaven lol] Joe: [🔥😈] Ronnie: [does he have any tattoos I have forgotten] Joe: [Oh, I don't think so??? but he probably would in a self-destructive manner too, as long as they could be hidden like his self-harm like go ahead] Ronnie: [just thinking get one now if you want boy #bonding] Joe: [yolo] Ronnie: [ooh what should it be] Joe: [the real question, hmm] Ronnie: [perfect excuse to be staring at each other while that's happening though cos you can't be moving all about] Joe: [but of course] Ronnie: [Joe can move around more cos not on his fucking head but] Joe: [probably get a cherry or something for the lols] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph]

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lifeishardbutnotmedick · 5 years ago

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It's about selling

"It's about selling your brain, not your body," she says. "I see it like a performance, like a show. But this is not a job for everybody - a lot of girls quit after a few weeks or even days, because they have this mindset that they're selling their body. Your mindset is what matters in this job. I have my limits, and I truly do not feel exploited.Streamate sells its models through a variety of repackaged and re-skinned websites, like PornHubLive — using the site's well-known brand as an easy in with porn consumers. In reality, it's the same old site in new clothes. Streamate itself is hard to pin down. Trying to find who actually owns it is dizzying: The domain belongs to Flying Crocodile Incorporated, which has a PO box in Seattle. Job openings point to a nebulous firm called NaiadDev, also based in Seattle (and hosted by FlyingCroc). But the company's custodian of records is one Rena Erotocritou, employed by "Ariel Secretaries Limited", a ghost of a company based out of Cyprus.Sites do virtually nothing to curb or discourage this kind of treatment.So who are these tireless women (or girls), these internet sex pioneers? Where do they live? Where did they come from? How did they wind up these poorly furnished, fluorescent-lit rooms in this oversaturated, low-res corner of the web? We wondered the same thing. So I talked to them.

It is true that when I am up on stage I feel powerful. In my 7-inch heels and latex leotards and frilly skirts, my body feels beautiful in a way that I dont see it in everyday life, and I feel confident and empowered. When the music comes on, I go with it, when I dance it is natural and its fun. The money is ultimately what I am here for, but this isnt just something I do just to pay the rent. This is my art, and whilst I am making myself sexually desirable, nobody can objectify me, as I hold that power. I am in control, because I objectify myself, if you like.The basic premise of the cam girl game is a simple one: You pay a girl for her time, and in exchange, she'll take off her clothes, talk to you, play with herself (and others), or any combination thereof. When your money is up, so's your time — the two of you part ways until you've got the cash and willingness to go at it again. And when that time comes, you'll have thousands upon thousands of girls ready to swivel and smile for you in real time. It's a massive catalogue of preening women of every variety: big, skeletal, black, white, Asian, American, Greek, Czech, etc. To find them, look no further than the Big Three of cam girl delight: Streamate, LiveJasmine and MyFreeCams. These three mega-networks advertise across the mainstream porn tube sites of masturbating ubiquity — PornHub, ClipHunter, etc — but are shells and shadows themselves. So how do you get in?It was after a shift at the club in Kings Cross I was dancing at that I sat on my bedroom floor and googled feminism and stripping. I was naked underneath my pink robe, hair extensions falling out, one eyelash stubbornly stuck on. I had been speaking with a friend that night on the phone during my break who had said something that I couldnt get out of my head. She told me that my job was degrading and asked me how I could call myself a feminist when I turn guys on for money.But there's really nothing exotic about Anna. She's occasionally lazy and often messy, spending most of her days, as far as I can tell, puttering around her Bucharest apartment in pajamas, playing with her cats, drinking enormous plastic bottles of soda, working on coding an iOS game, and taking occasional trips out to pick up fried chicken and buy new underwear. She claims to have almost no "real" friends off of the internet, but is consistently cheery, and enormously talkative. While video chatting, she always asks if I mind before she smokes. Anna complains about having to take time away from Diablo 3 for her cam sessions, where she chats with regulars, masturbates, mouths along to pop songs, and waits, waits, waits for someone to send her money. And when it comes, it comes. Anna's a MyFreeCam loyalist, earning $US6 a minute via "tokens" — a clever way to obscure how much her customers actually spend. It's a lot easier to fork over 900 tokens than thinking about the $US75 you just spent in minutes. This is Anna's sole income, and what took her out of rural Romanian poverty and the whims of other men.

In a corner of the room there is a large computer screen, an expensive camera and behind them, professional photographers' lights. Dozens of pairs of eyes may view Lana in her room online in real time via dedicated adult websites. But she does not make any money until a member asks her to "go private" in a one-to-one webcam session.As with most sex work, webcamming doesn’t have the best reputation. It’s often seen as exploitation or a last-resort hustle to pay off debt, but Reed Amber, 26, explains how webcam models are just your average self-employed freelancers with the same amount of agency and independence as anyone else.Studio 20 is the largest studio webcam franchise in the world. It has nine branches in Romania, including one employing "cam-boys" who service the gay market. Its other branches are in the Colombian city of Cali, Budapest and Los Angeles. "There are advertisements on university campuses," says Ilisei. "Students get direct Facebook messages with offers of work. And the studios are very corporate - exactly like an entry-career job in other fields. The language is all about empowering young women, being independent, learning skills, even getting bonuses if you convince your friends to try it too. CONTINUED BELOW...

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laufie · 5 years ago

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here’s a fun story about a creepy dude/stalker i had. it was a strange situation at the time, and i realize in hindsight i should have been much more scared, but it’s been over 10 years so i can just laugh about it now. it doesn’t describe anything traumatic or graphic, but it’s quite eerie.

anyway, i was about 15 or 16 years old at the time, and it had been just over a year since i moved to canada from ukraine. i still used vk (russian equivalent of facebook) frequently to chat with friends, and had an inside joke in my bio about taking LSD. i wasn’t actually taking anything, as i said it was an inside joke.

out of nowhere, this russian dude sends me a pm about how if im really taking LSD i should be able to name some specific formula or dosage or something. i explained to him that it was an inside joke and i know next to nothing about the drug itself, and he laughed it off. we started talking because i noticed it said on his profile that he currently lived in new york, which was a place i’ve always dreamt of visiting. we ended up talking every day about random things, mostly his love of new york and the array of recreational drugs he does.

he didn’t seem dangerous. he never talked about heavy drugs like heroin or meth, and was heavily against them. he was russian of course, as he was in new york only temporarily, so i felt a sense of connection to him, since i was still overcoming the cultural shock of moving to canada. to my mind at that age he didn’t seem like he had any bad motive. he didn’t ask especially prying questions, he was always nice and well-spoken, and enjoyed philosophical discussion. he gave off a vibe of a trustworthy person, which is a note of positivity that would have persisted throughout this whole story...

had he not been 7 years older than me. an important detail that slipped through the cracks at the time - he was 22 when i was 15. i knew he was more mature than me, but as far as i remember, i never actually got to find out his age back then. in hindsight of course, aside from the glaring age difference, he did give off red flags. calling me much more mature than other girls my age was perhaps the most glaring one. at the time. and of course, the constant glorification of drugs.

mind you, this was more than 10 years ago. the internet was a different place at the time. there was no tumblr or twitter or adults that grew up using the internet to tell me to be careful as a minor. people did whatever they wanted to and got away with it. so naturally, i didn’t catch any of the red flags, neither was i even on the lookout for them in the first place.

skip forward nearly a year, my mom knows a lot about this guy, since i’m quite open with her about, well, everything. my mom has always been my best friend. that summer we were planning a 3 month long trip home, to ukraine. him and i thought it would be cool to met up, since by now he was back home in russia. for reference, ukraine is to the far left side of russia, whereas this guy lived on the polar opposite side, on a piece of russian land that is right above japan. he would have to fly across the entire russia to see me. russia. you know, that massive thing? he was perfectly fine with it. i convinced my mom to let me meet him, and she said only if he stays at our place. naturally.

he came for only a couple days. our apartment back home is quite small so with my mom and constant family guests, there was always a pair of eyes on him. it got a little bit strange eventually. he was touchy, but not in an inappropriate way at all. i’m sure it’s not due to his personal decency, and rather because he would most definitely get caught. he would try to hold my hand, or brush my hair off my face, pat my head. things like that. it didn’t go beyond that. but to me, at the time, it was a grown adult man doing it to me, which gave me an unsettling anxious feeling.

on his last day he wanted to go out because he wanted me to try a drug that he had been talking about the entire time i’ve known him. i would prefer not to go into what it is, but it has a heavy hallucinogenic effect that lasts for a very, very long time. naturally he told my mom he just wanted me to show him around, and i was in on the lie. i was curious. my mom was always very strict with coming back home right on time, so we promised her we will be home by 10 pm.

we went out at around 5. and it lasted longer than he promised. way longer. we came home at 3 am. despite the hallucinations being quite heavy and mind-boggling, the effect of the drug didn’t make me feel “out of it”. my perception of time and space was obviously very skewed, but i knew who i was and where i was, and what was happening around me. he didn’t try anything. there wasn’t even as much as an attempt. except, well, when i realized what time it was i rushed home so fast that i was not going to stop for anything. so i’m not sure. maybe the night wasn’t over in his mind yet, but it was in mine. i felt bad for my poor mother who had been worried sick since 10 pm. it was pitch black outside so i went home through a well-lit road that has a lot of cars. now that i think about it, i may have unintentionally saved myself from things getting worse.

i only stopped when we were outside my apartment, because i wanted to focus as much as i could before going in. he sat down on the bench and beckoned me to sit next to him. and he kissed me. i dont remember how exactly it happened but it just kind of did. i went along with it and didn’t say anything after, i went inside the apartment building like nothing happened. it was odd. i didn’t know what it meant, but i also didn’t care, because i wanted to see my mom as soon as i could, ad it was the only thing on my mind.

one look in my eyes and she knew everything. she told me to go to bed. i don’t know what she told him. i’m not sure she said anything. the next morning she asked me if anything happened. i assured her that i was safe. and then he was gone. she didn’t say anything to him. she just dropped him off to make sure he actually left.

after that we didn’t really talk nearly as much. we tried to keep in contact but honestly, i wasn’t as drawn to him anymore. eventually, out of nowhere, he posted some really mean and rude comments under a bunch of my pictures, and i ended up deleting him.

now for the creepiest part. nearly 4 years later we plan another trip to ukraine to visit family. i have some medical conditions with my spine that i needed to get very uncomfortable and painful massages for. my health is one of the main reasons why we took trips back home often. one day about a week or so into my trip i was leaving my apartment to get into a taxi to go to one of those massage appointments. i exit the building and there he was. sitting on the bench and just looking at me. 4 years later. not a word. across russia.

even though it was bright afternoon and a lot of people were out, i was overcome with dread. i awkwardly told him “sorry, i have to go somewhere” and rushed to get into the taxi. he didn’t say anything, just kept looking. on my way back from the massage i called one of my close old friends that worked in the UKR special forces. my mom wasn’t home and i did not feel safe returning. he picked me up and drove me home, and came in with me, all the way into the apartment, the guy wasn’t there anymore. i made my friend coffee and told him about this guy. he promised to drive by once in a while to make sure he isnt hanging out here at odd hours.

later that day at around 8 pm i got a text from an unknown number. “so, are you scared of me now?”.

i closed all my blinds and curtains, locked both entrance doors, and told my female friends not to come visit me, because he knew their faces. yes, i was scared. i was really scared. he didnt say a word to me in 4 years, somehow found out about my trip and just showed up. i wasn’t sure if i wanted to cry or scream. i knew i had to get rid of him somehow. so i responded, making up a story about being really sick and needing constant treatment, and that i made plans with all my friends to leave tonight to go to another city for 3 weeks.

he was angry with me and very upset. he expected a happy reunion i guess. i was very polite to him and apologized, saying i felt bad he traveled all this way only to be told this. he started writing really cryptic things. “i know a secret how to cure any illness of yours, you don’t need doctors, it’s like a code, you plug it in and you become anything”. “i came here to cure you because you’re the only person it will work on”. “i went to your page to ask your friends if your plans are true, but you have them hidden. why don’t you trust me anymore?”

among this he called me. over and over. between every message, a missed call i refused to pick up. eventually i broke down and asked him why is he acting like this. to which he said “because you are the only woman in the world i will ever be able to love this much”. i told him i was with someone and have been for 2 years, and to leave me alone. after a handful more cryptic messages, he stopped for a while. and ended it in a plea to forgive him. i didn’t respond to anything beyond the confession.

thankfully i had no contact with him since then, and as far as i know there have been no attempts from him. however, i don’t use russian social media anymore, and none of them are linked to any of my active “american” accounts, so to speak. so there is no way for him to find me. if you ever wondered why i never make my real name public and always go under aliases, this is largely why.

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stories-about-cheating-women · 6 years ago

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It started when I was 17, I previously had no sexual experiences. I had kissed girls but really lacked female interaction but was desperate for it. So when I met a girl who was attractive, who actually liked me. It was really mind blowing and I dont know why. But she was one of the very few attractive women who found me attractive. She ended up latching on to me. The kind of girl who wears thongs, yoga pants and has a nice ass. Just

amazing and was so lucky to have found her. By chance. We started officially dating a month into seeing eachother. She told me this story once when she was a bit drunk about how she was giving a blowjob and how he "Came within like 20 seconds because he didnt get off for days and I ended up choking on it and I coughed it all out and made a huge mess"

This really felt like I got hit in the gut, while I knew she had dated before just hearing that was hard. Mostly because she didnt give me head for the first couple months so I assumed when she did it, it was her first time. While she was good at it, I assumed "Natural ability" but I was wrong. Because I never had much expirences with women and it felt like she was all I had and it just hurt that another guy had this experience with her. It also took me a while to cum from a blowjob, probably cause I was a chronic fapper and never came much. (But at the time never realized this)

But all I knew was this guy was insanely sensitive and must have felt everything inside her mouth and to just explode like that, he had a more intense experience with her then I did cause she was always unimpressed with how little I came. I tried to save up for a few days but then she just wouldnt give me head, she only did it once in a while.

Anyway she talked about this "Friend" a few times we will call him mike. "You should meet my friend he LOVES the same music you do, you guys would get along so well" and I didnt think anything of it. She has guy friends, whatever. Now I feel this is important to note. She lived in another area of the city then I did. She went to school by her house. Of course her friends live close by too. So we were out after going to her house and we went out and shes like "Lets go see if my friend mike is home" And on the way there she said "Aww.." I asked

"What?" she said "Nothing" I kept asking and she said "No you will be mad" I told her I wouldnt be and I just want to know. Then she just said flat out "This is the guy who gave me a mouthful of cum" hearing that, I was devastated. Felt like I got a big hit right in the gut. Because I

assumed she did that with an guy she was dating. But no, it was "Just a friend!" and one she never dated and was still friends with!? It destroyed me mentally, I felt like crying. Also I seen this guys Facebook and he was obviously very good looking but even more maddening, he had like 20 different selfies with girls. So it felt like why did he have to mess with my future girl??? Just disturbing. I felt like I might fight this guy, and get my ass kicked. Just cause I was so upset and pissed that they did this. Thankfully he was never home when we went.

A few months later snooping in her facebook messages when she left it open. I went to the messages between her and mike. While yes, it did seem it was before we were dating. It angered me how easy it was for him, they barely talked on facebook and he just said "Hey you should come over" and she would reply "Of course :)" and she would go over and suck his dick. While I had to wait months. It just utterly, destroyed my selfesteem and was truamatizing to know. Especially cause they go to the same school, so they talk in the hallways and it angered me knowing they still talk after he gave her a mouthful of cum. Theres no way he doesnt get reminded of that every time he sees her.

Anyway, as the months went by I was haunted by it. It was a strain on my mental health, but I began to find it erotic. Whenever she would give me head I would just think about them, knowing he got to expirence this with her WITHOUT having to commit to a relationship, just total freebee blowjobs from this beautiful girl, who was only one out of many of his friends. I found it hot and couldnt stop thinking about it, hoping she did it more

then once I eventually asked her how many times they did stuff and she said "I dont know, about 5, but we never had sex" This made it more hot so he didnt have sex with her or please her and she would just give him blowjobs like no big deal.

I couldnt stop thinking about it and became obsessed with their previous encounters. Now a year into our relationship, we moved in together. Our sex life got a lot more vanilla, well it already was before. But those once in a while blowjobs she used to give me? She stopped doing that and would only have sex once like once a week. Sleeping with her this was frustrating. I often had to jerk off before bed or I would end up

waking her up by thrusting her ass and she would get mad and it would lead to an argument. She just didnt seem to have a high sex drive at least not for me. But she always wore yoga pants, a thong and cleavage showing shirts and this was just frustrating.

I was a bit snoopy as I always sort of been. I checked her texts once in a while when she was in the shower or whatever. She usually didnt just leave it laying around. but would do a poor job of putting it in a spot she wouldnt think Id look. Or when she was sleeping. I did this and found nothing exciting. But one day when she was in the shower I grabbed her phone and I checked her texts and she was texting mike. The conversation went like "Its been so long, I miss you friend :). His reply, "I miss you too, we need to talk more and chill haha" Her reply "Absolutely, we so need to chill"

Reading this I got an adreniline rush. It was so hot that she was talking to him like this, the smileys and I miss you. Talking about "Chilling" again. I found it so fucking hot while my first reaction was to confront her, I just couldnt. I just wanted this to happen. A few weeks later looked in her phone again when sleeping. Nothing was new, she stopped replying to his messages so seems like she didnt plan on going through with it, was disappointed but she was at least considering it at first. So I knew there was a chance... She just needs a little push.

I managed to get access to her facebook cause I found a little book with her password in it (Dumb idea to write it down) so now I had all my tabs on her that if something happens. I WILL find out, and ill love it. As the months went by, nothing was happening a few other guys messaged her but she didnt reply much. Seemed like she wasnt a cheater. I became frustrated, I wanted her to cheat on me especially with her old time Friend with benefits Mike. I wanted them to hangout again, behind my back. Where she ends up sucking his cock again like old times. I wanted this to happen so bad. I decided I must do something to give her a little push... Without her knowing of course.

I decided, to stop initiating sex with her. I feel me wanting sex so often, made her feel attractive a worthy. So I stopped initiating sex with her I just jerked off in the bathroom before going to bed every night, and cuddled her to sleep without thrusting or being sexual towards her. I needed her to know I still loved her. So I remained charming and nice, rubbed her back to sleep which she always loved. But I stopped initiating sex completely... That once a week when she did want sex, I made excuses and didnt have sex with her. She would be turned off instantly when I mentioned

"I have a headache" Because her thinking I didnt want sex was a real mind boggler and it certainly got her thinking and wondering why. Possibly even questioning her attractivity (She was absolutely beautiful and I mean it) My plan was that her resistance to other men would diminish and eventually she would be getting fucked by another man. While remaining in a relationship with me.

Checking her facebook messages almost everyday for months. And to my surprise... Nothing. She wasnt really messaging guys back. It was disappointing and frustrating. Decided to just keep doing what I am doing. About 4 months into this I lost some hope and stopped checking her messages so often. Until one day. She put a really good looking selfie on facebook. Showing off her ass in the mirror. One guy commented "You look amazing" and he messaged

her. But unlike usual this conversation did not die. She kept replying and chatting with him. Until she said "Text me anytime". I checked her phone later when she was sleeping. This was always a sketchy operation. She would sleep beside her phone and I would have to very slowly take it from her. And no shes not a heavy sleeper. I read their texts for the day and he asked her "Can I take you out to dinner sometime?" She said "Sure" but actually gave him a date right there "This Friday at 6 PM, you pick the place :)" So they agreed.

By this point I was insanely turned on and very excited knowing my GF has a secret date in a few days. I couldnt wait, picturing her getting fucked after a date was just too much and way too hot for something like logic to stop this.

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totallylesbians · 6 years ago

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A follower wanted to share their coming out story but wanted to remain anonymous so I’m posting it for them below

It’s june my friends. My favorite month of the year. It’s the month where spring turns into summer, the month i was born, the month school ends, but most importantly, the month where i am free to express who i am with my community. This year is my biggest year to celebrate pride. I have face so many challenges in the past 12 months. On july 27th of last year, i came out on my social media. I rewrote the post 10 times, posted it and deleted it 4 times, and screamed once really loudly before finally leaving the post up. I received so much positive feedback from the post and i was overwhelmed. Unfortunately, a month and a half later i sat crying in my room on the phone with my best friend while deleting the post. Word was circulating through the school about my sexuality, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that a now ex-best-friend started a rumor about me that wasn't pleasant. It was offending and unfortunately for me, people believed it and it opened up a whole world of problems. I was losing friends, i had a new nickname, and i became “that girl”. Now, at 14 years old, this seemed like the worst challenge i would have to face my freshman year, but i was truly mistaken. After the whole debacle died down a little, i resumed to my regular routine of playing field hockey and sleeping. A few month had past and it was winter time. I was living a happy life of being one foot out the closet. The only people who didn't know that i was ~bisexual~ were my parents. I didn't have a reason to tell them. I didn't have a girlfriend and if anybody decided to tell them, they had no proof. But that all changed so quickly. Within the first 2 days of 2018, i started talking to this amazing girl who saved my life. She didn't know it at the time, but i was trying to overdose on pills that night. Things with the rumor had stirred up again and it was worse than last time. The girl talked to me all night and made me realise that it would get better. Shortly after that, i fell hopelessly and blindly in love with her. It was great. I was happy with her, but not with myself. At the time, i thought she was the only source of happiness that i needed, but as we all know, superficial happiness only last so long. So, a month into the relationship, i began to feel trapped.

I had a reason to come out now. People knew about the girl at school and at any moment, a text, Dm, or facebook message could be sent to my mom and dad telling them about the huge secret i was keeping from them, I felt so bad for the girl. I had begun to freak out on her, ignore her for no reason, and distant myself. She noticed and we had a talk about it, but i only told her i was stressed. So, in order to take my anger and stress out elsewear, i began cutting. At first it was one cut, then it was two, then suddenly my hips were covered in cuts. Around the two month mark of my relationship with the girl, the worst thing happened. I was sitting on the couch watching TV. My mom and dad were getting ready for dinner. My friends mom wanted to talk to my mom, so she called me. I freaked. I ran upstairs and told my mom that my friends mom wanted to talk. She said okay and i went downstairs and waited. When she came downstairs she looked at me and said “is there anything you want to confess before she calls me”. I remember feeling my heart beat out of my chest. So many things ran through my mind, but the only one i could think to say was “im gay” and i did. I blurted it out. My mothers jaw dropped to the floor. I felt like i was gonna throw up, cry, and scream all at once. Part of me wanted to say “gotcha mom. Im joking.” but another part of me was saying “finally, that weight is gone”. Everything after that was a blur. A lot of screaming, crying, and 2 trips to the bathroom to throw up. My parents saw the cuts too. My whole life had been flipped upside down in the matter of minutes, but all could think about was my girlfriend. I remember being forced to call her and tell her that we wouldn't be talking for a while.

My mother asked me if i wanted to go somewhere to get help. I said yes. 5 days later i was admitted to a treatment facility. I spent five days there and in those five days, i learned so much about myself. I learned that i am who i am. I can't change it no matter how hard i try. When i got out, my girlfriend and i decided it would be best for my recovery to not be together. In the end, it worked out and we are still great friends, but things didn't exactly work out with my parents. They do not accept me. I'm sure everyone is saying “why are you sharing your story if it doesn't have a happy ending” but it does. It's just not their happy ending. Its my happy ending. I found acceptance in myself. A year ago, i wouldn't have wrote this for myself, let alone other people. You will never be able to find acceptance in anyone else until you find acceptance in yourself. If your parents, or friends, or society doesn't accept you, it is not your fault. The most important part of coming out, is coming out to yourself first. If you don't want a label on yourself, then dont use a label. Labels can be constricting. If your like me, i say to people “i fall in love with who i fall in love with” and that's what i tell my parents now. Yes, it is hard as hell not being accepted by them, but i am who i am, and i dont hide that anymore. I am unapologetically me. So, if you're, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, or any part of the LGBTQ+ community, be proud of who you are this month and every month following. You can't change who you are meant to be. Be proud.

#anon #text #coming out #coming out stories

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overbakedone · 6 years ago

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this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know.

thanks for listening i guess

#self #baking #life #thoughts

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smellycinnamonthundahfudge · 6 years ago

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tumblr fweinds

a year ago, i was tagged by @suplosers on two questionnaires and it is only now, a year later that i was able to answer em. i’m so sorry it took me this long but yah i’m just glad to get thru dis milestone, answering the first tumblr get to know ya post i was @ at... yaayyy ^^

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I tag: tbd haha i still have to dig thru meh notifs to see which ones apparently took an interest in me so i’d like to take an interest in as well haha but oh @you-guys--are-losers, ur doing this whahaha hope it’s not too much of a bother, no presh watsoever ;3

the last

1. drink: ughh it's dis shitty stuff called hydrite w/c is basically salt water cus im sick rn and it's supposed to rehydrate ur shts or something hahaha

but dat was like a week ago... as of da moment i posted dis, it’s coffee from mini stop dat i drank at like 530 in da morn while i waited until i could enter the school cus i had to commute 3 hours w/ lil to none sleep

2. phone call: my father or one of my best friends

3. text message: the last one i texted was my sister and the last one i got a text from was dis org in school about the location for recruitment/auditions/interview

4. song you listened to: billy jean by michael jackson and i listened to it for meh tomdaya fic hahaha. But i also listened to halo by beyonce, untouchable and dress by taylor swift, and some other songs magmt mentions in her tomdaya fic hehe a week ago

rn, a metal cover of toxic by our last night

5. time you cried: haha i don't actually remember the context of it (i could find out tho haha cus i sent da pic to my best friend) but i took a pic of it while i did it which was on... july 16 hahaha. Oh but w8 oh sht i think i cried after that fudge w8 i don't remember the date (i think i can find this out too hahaha) but i wrote a sortof goodbye confessions letter to one of my dear friends and i wrote there that i externally cried (b4 i just said internally haha) so i'm not entirely sure i cried but i think im pretty sure i teared up hehe

6. dated someone twice: hahaha i haven't even had a legit love interest yet 😆😂 buuutt my best friend and i have "dated" as in spent entire days together w/ just the two of us, we even went to mcdonalds for valentine's day and got each other gifts hihihi aahhh gosh i miss her :'(

7. kissed someone and regretted it: haha im not even sure if dis happened and i have no plans on asking her about it but i remember when i was a kiddo, when my sis came home for some reason i kissed her on the lips hahaha dont remember if accidental or i just brain farted heck i aint even sure if it happened but das all i can answer cus well like i said, see #6 😆😂😆😂

8. been cheated on: hhmmm probs not, i have no idea if ive been cheated on in an unromantic way hahaha but in da romantic way, like i said, no love interest hahaha

Oh w8 does being someone's crush (i aint sure but it seemed like it) and crushing on dat dude but dat dude crushing on someone else too count as cheating? 😆😂😆😂

9. lost someone special: yes, all of my grandparents are dead. I've also lost pets, and i fear i may lose some of my friends due to the distance among us in this time of our lives

10. been depressed: i always wanna be careful over how to define depression. Like wat constitutes it... but yes, i think i have. Not sure, mind you, but yes, at the beginning of gr 7 i was really alone, i think i was bullied and i think i was depressed and going thru a really dark phase of my life back then. But then again, i have to say, i'm not sure.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: hahaha nope. I'm looking forward to getting drunk tho. Im currently underage so im not allowed to drink dat much yet but yeah i wanna know my limits hehehe i hope im da kinda gurl who can handle her liquor but i have drank and i have to say it made me all loopy and weird and just like woke or high or something hahaha so yeah man im excited to get trashed on my 18th bday hahaha (hopefully i get to do this tho huhuhu)

3 favourite colours

12. Pink

13. Blue

14. Gray

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yyeeesssss and i'm so glad i have hihi. I have made friends w/ a select group of my blockmates and they're awesome and weird, i hope to strengthen our bond in da future hehe. Ooohhh and i sure hope that you guys are losers is my friend cus she's been rlly great :')

16. fallen out of love: i guess the closest i've come to falling out of love in a romantic way is moving on from da heavy crushin on meh crush. But i dunno, i still think he's a unicorn n pretty special to me so i dunno hahaha.

But bro, i do think i have fallen out of love. With tv shows, with characters. Like i used to be so passionate about a few shows and characters but now all i have towards them is regret heck i cant even remember wat dey are but i know dat der was love lost. I know it.

17. laughed until you cried: hahaha yaasss i think so. It's either when i was with my best dearest friends or during the class of dis really cool and funny as heck joker teacher who makes us laugh in EVERY SINGLE CLASS hahaha ahhh das guy's so cool

18. found out someone was talking about you: oohh yah yah i think so. Either from my best friends or from a few of my old classmates i care about and had gotten close with. Da best friend ones was about something in my past/history (g7) and the classmates one i think was just dem talking about me and they told me about it ooohhh i think it was my crush hahahaha. They told me dat my crush actually admired me a lot hehe. There was one time my friend (the one who told me about dis) was putting make up on me for a school film, and my crush was da cam guy and he told my friend i looked pretty. Sooo im pretty lucky dat- oh sht w8 i dunno if it's dis year but oh w8 no, it was on my bday last year (dec 20) and da same friend said she was sorry cus apparently da bois make fun of me or something and she was sorry cus she laughed along too hahaha but i didnt mind cus i know im weird and i dont even know what dey say about me in da first place hahahaha. Ok das it im done, i think ive overshared now hahaha 😆😂😆😂

19. met someone who changed you: my best friends. Ive thought about it based on wat sup losers said about change for da better and i dont rlly think of change as something dat happens quick, i think it happens over time and u dont even notice it. So ok oh sht i think im wrong cus i met my best friends 4/6 years ago hahaha but for reals tho, i was in a dark place and if it werent for dem i think id still be lost lonely and sad. Uuhhmmm in regards to answering the question correctly, i guess my blockmates count since they inspire/challenge me to be better. OH SHT W8 i def think you guys are losers and dead end street and tomdaya receipts and tout de suite have changed me hehehe. Da first 2 in dat dey inspired me to write more hehe. Da 1st one inspired me to do this so i think this counts as change hehe. And da last 2 changed me in dat bcus i met dem, i became OBSESSED w/ tomdaya hahaha.

20. found out who your friends are: yes, i have actually. And it's all because i am now currently a college freshman as well as my friends.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: hahaha my fam i guess hahaha. But no one in a romantic context.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: hhmmm i guess id say about 200 since i know 4 sections of around 40 ppl and da rest is like fam and ppl ive met once/twice or have passed by haha

23. do you have any pets: yaaaassss 3 doggos: albie, juju, and biggie girl. Juju has a pupper named tchalla called dat cus he black hehehe and biggie has 2 biglets named mermer (meredith) and crissy (cristina) cus they're sisters 😍😊😊

My fam have also had a buncha dogs n puppers before but they were either given away or passed away. My bro also has dis cat named bob and i think he counts as a semi pet since my bro's home is a fam home.

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhh i wish i had an alliterative name like superheroes. Buutt im pretty happy w/ my name :')

25. what did you do for your last birthday: oohhhh i think i was at my section's christmas party it was pretty nice n emotional and i spent da rest of da day w/ 2 of meh best friends who bought me cake n food when my own fam didn't 😆😂😆😂

26. what time did you wake up: 4 am to shit cus im sick, but fell asleep again and officially got up around 730 or 8ish

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: haha tryna stay awake cus i had to drink meh meds and failed oh so much and i think i was asleep by midnight hahaha

28. name something you can’t wait for: tomdaya content, chatting/being w/ my best friends, watching da stuff i wanna watch, tumblring, reading sht i wanna read, vacation, writing fanfics, learning how to do a buncha stuff (write screenplays, make films n gifs, draw better), my bday when i hopefully get to do wat i want haha, avengers 4 and smffh, and captain marvel and antman and the wasp too i guess haha oh and the incredibles 2 and httyd 3 😍😍😍 oohhh and crazy rich asians

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: on monday which was when i was at home and not at my dad's n sis' n i's apartment in manila for school/work

31. what are you listening to right now: commercials on da tv as i answer this long ass questionnaire hahaha

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: hahaha i had to think about dis one but yah i have actually haha he was my gr 8 class mate n i like to think semi friend back den at least haha. Oh w8 but he doesn't go by tom tho, it's just thomas haha

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself hahaha my shitty lazy ass procrastinating self hahaha 😅🙍

34. most visited website: fb specifically messenger, youtube, and tumblr

35. hair colour: hmmm black w/ a bit of brown i guess (ASIAN, YO! 😆😂😆😂)

36. long or short hair: neither, medium i guess haha. I like how long hair looks but it's such a bother n hassle haha. So i def would prefer short hair on a practical standpoint hahaha (im actually thinking of shaving the hair above my nape, yknow on da back of my head hehe)

37. do you have a crush on someone: well i dont have dat much of a crush on da crush i mentioned before, like i said haha. I have a crush on tomdaya, does dat count? 😆😂

38. what do you like about yourself: hahahaha nothing 😆😂😆😂🙍

Naahh uhhh i guess i like how much i love tv shows, i love meh fangirl self, and i like how diff n unique n weird i am, how i stand out, n dat i think my dreams are noble n worth tryin out. N i like how supportive n nice i am n im just chill on da outside haha. N sometimes i like meh face hehe. And i think dat im hilarious n weird n ppl should appreciate me more hahaha das y i crave for more validation dan consulting researchers hahaha (no one laughs at dat jokes and it's like im da only one who finds it funny and come on, man, i managed to make a research joke. Cant ya give a girl a break?)

n i guess sometimes it's good how much i care but sometimes i wish my feels could just chill for just like a minute pls

Thanks, man. I usually just focus on meh bad qualities so thanks for dis question, man :')

oh and i like dat i can swim hehe

39. piercings: i have holes on my ears for earrings but i don't really wear dem

40. blood type: a, i think?

41. nickname: sam, sab, and i rlly want to be called smells cus it's like a more me version of mels from melody hahaha

42. relationship status: single, yo. Oh w8 but i am married to my bed and fandoms so dey always come first. Plus i love my friends 😍😊

43. zodiac: sagittarius i think but i dont rlly know/care about zodiac sht. Tho it's nice if it does match up hehe

44. pronouns: uhhh i dont know wat to put here but i assume dis refers to wat i wish to be referred by ssoooo she, her, and a genderless pronoun in my language siya

45. favourite tv show: ughh i cant choose. Friends, grey's anatomy, phineas and ferb, avatar: the last airbender, black mirror, doctor who, and all of michael schur's stuff, and modern family, grimm, person of interest, pushing daisies, scrubs, happy endings, forever, how i met your mother, gravity falls, sherlock, and yknow wat? Yah, supernatural too and the httyd shows and suits :') oooohhh w8 and how to get away w/ murder and i guess big bang theory as well 😃 the end of the fucking world, legends of tomorrow, crazy ex-girlfriend, the good place, timeless but it’s kinda depressing so speaking of w/c game of thrones and west world and a series of unfortunate events and stranger things and scorpion and lost in space and for anime, let’s go with yakitate japan and boku no hero academia

46. tattoos: none, but i rlly want one and even have a list of tattoos i want (pretty minimalist), i just have to think of da perf place tho (both where to put it and where to get it) and find out if i can still donate meh bod if i have tattoos, but one of da ones i rlly want is smileys on meh fingers hehe

47. right or left handed: right, but my ma says im kinda ambidextrous n i kinda wish i could develop it hehe

48. surgery: haha nope, never. But in terms of an interest, i love grey's anatomy 😆😂

50. sport: ooohh my main sport is swimming cus my siblings are all swimmers so i am too. But i have played other sports for school like badminton, table tennis, volleyball, some water game i dont remember haha, and a combat sport in my country called arnis

51. vacation: christmas vacay and i cant wait huhu

52. pair of trainers: uhhh are trainers rubber shoes? I have a couple, i guess.

GENERAL

53. eating: my dad (who cooked our meal), sis, and i ate afritada (chicken dat's tomatoey basically) for dinner

54. drinking: just water, but ugh i have to drink da hydrite sht again 😑😒

55. I’m about to: finish dis questionnaire n fall asleep haha

56. waiting for: sleep n happiness

57. want: to sleep n write n tumblr n watch n read n for all my problems to disappear

58. get married: yeahhh... but i think it's highly unlikely, man. So i aint counting on it but i do want it to happen, it seems nice having someone to spend da rest of your life with :')

59. career: hahaha i'm still just a college student, just a newly minted freshman actually. But i like to consider myself a fulltime fangirl hahaha

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: well, i havent rlly made out with anyone yet so im gonna have to say hugs i guess w/c ofc i love haha but i wish someone bigger than me could cuddle me for once in my life 😢

61. lips or eyes: lips cus they just seem so soft and sensual hehe. Plus i dunno man, eyes are kinda gross with muta (da sht in da corner of ur eyes when you wake up, it's a filipino word) and sht. And ya have to wear glasses/contacts if dey weak so it's just such a hassle. Tho i do recognize their importance n stuff 😊

62. shorter or taller: ugh TALLER. im a pretty tall gal so for once id like to be da lil spoon for once, for someone to be able to carry me and ya know all dat jazz. But i wouldnt give up my height for anything, makes me feel confident and better than everyone else mwuehehehehehehe

63. older or younger: uuuhhh for now i think it's a bit weird to date someone younger dan me, but for me personally, wat age i'd like to be, YOUNGER ALL DA WAY. it was just way less stressful and innocent back den, id give anything to go back 🙍

64. nice arms or nice stomach: haha nice arms if it means i can swing around them and they can carry me whahaha. But i do like em abs, i wanna feel wat abs feel like just once in my life hahaha

65. hookup or relationship: ooohhh i guess i fancy myself having a relationship for now hehe. Havent even had one yet haha.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i am a hesitant troublemaker whahahahaha. Like i have all these ideas of thangs to do n sometimes i do dem but sometimes da situation n context scares me into not doing it like a wuss hahaha

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: haha nope.

68. drank hard liquor: haha nope but am looking forward to it hehe

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: thankfully i havent needed any yet whew

70. turned someone down: uhhh i guess the closest i came to "turning someone down" was being awkward around my crush haha but to be fair i think he was awkward too hahaha. And in an unromantic sense, i turned down a blockmate who offered to be my partner in an assignment becus i already had a partner hahahaha 😅

71. sex on the first date: haha havent experienced it if das wat ur askin. Maybe imma be dat kinda person after ive had a couple of relationships but for now i'll settle for someone actually being interested in me hahaha

73. had your heart broken: yes, by tv shows, and by da crappiness of life in general 🙇

74. been arrested: hahahaha nope but dat would be CRAZY hahaha

75. cried when someone died: yes, whether in real life or in tv shows, i have cried bcus of death 😢

76. fallen for a friend: look, man, my best friend's probably the most important person in my life who i couldnt bear to lose. I love her more dan anything in da world so i dunno if our friendship is something more dan da "typical" best friends i just know dat i love her n dat i dont wanna lose her n dat our bond's nothing like any other relationship ive ever had

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: hahahaha not rlly 😅 im pretty unreliable tbh and i make tons of mistakes and ill never be enough ever and just in general hate myself and have 0 self esteem hahaha 😅😅😅😓

But there's a chance i could improve tho, a very very VERY small tiny chance... but i guess i'll take wat i can get :/

78. miracles: hhmmm not in da way most ppl think about miracles in dat, it's da impossible event. I like to think it's a miracle that i have the family dat i have, da friends dat i have, and da life dat i have cus honestly i think i'd be dead w/o em. It's a fucking miracle i have things im passionate about and things that i love and im surrounded by ppl who i love and who love me as well. So yeah, i guess i believe in those kinds of miracles :')

79. love at first sight: hahaha not rlly. Look, man, im a fat girl who doesnt rlly care dat much about looks so unless a person manages to fall for someone while dat someone was doing something dat was a huge indicator of their personality and thus it's not only da appearance dat da person "fell in love w/", den i rlly dont believe in love at first sight. It's just infatuation, bruh. Love at first sight is cheap and u dont rlly know any thing about dat person other than the fact that they're pretty (why they caught ur eye in da 1st place imo) and nothin, zilch. Unless, like i said, they were doing something important to dem n indicative of deir personality. But even then, it wouldnt be love. Like i said, it'd be infatuation cus imo love is deep and takes time and cant just HAPPEN just cus u looked at someone and thought he/she was pretty 😒. True love would mean knowing dat person to deir bone but wanting to know more about dem. So to conclude a ted talk from a bitter person w/ a non existent love life 😆😂😂😂, love at first sight doesnt exist, is cheap, and is discriminatory to "ugly" ppl.

80. santa claus: hahaha i know he probs doesnt exist and is u know basically just capitalism n marketing hahaha. But i dunno, man, i kinda wanna believe he exists just cus it's more fun n childlike n innocent 😍

81. kiss on the first date: hahaha yeah i guess so but i think i probs would have had to known dat person for a while before we decided to date. I havent had a first kiss yet sooo i aint just willin to give dat out to someone i just met/knew for like a day or something hahaha (i have no idea how dating works) 😆😂😆😂😆😂

82. angels: huh... i like to think guardian angels exist cus dat means there are like angels of pure light sent down from heaven to protect us from any harm w/c is just nice to think about, yknow? Hehe. But angels in da catholic sense... i dont think i do, bruh. Sorry :/ *shrugs*

OTHER:

84. eye colour: uuhhhh brown, i guess? Like i said, i dont rlly care much for eyes hahaha 😅 ooohh but da purple eyes thang ive seen on da internet sounds cool hahaha

85. favourite movie: aaaahhhhh there's just so many good movies thoo

But agghh fine. Ive come to notice dat my genre's pretty lighthearted w/c is nice actually hehe

Spider-Man: Homecoming, Rogue One, 10 Things I Hate About You, Moana, Coco, Mulan, Avengers: Infinity War, White Chicks cus it's just so goddamn funny and iconic 😆😂😆😂😍, i'm not- ok you know wat, da Pixar movies in general ok? I mean, how can ya not? Oh which reminds me, Tangled, and The Princess and The Frog, oohh The Avengers is also a pretty solid movie, ooohhh Love, Simon, godhs dat was just such a wholesome sweet n nice movie :'), oh and den i freaking love the Scream franchise, man. It's so good :'), oooohhh w8 maybe The Dark Knight cus heath ledger was just da fuking bomb in dat movie, oohh and About Time's da sweetest time travel movie :') w/c reminds me dat the Back to the Future franchise was just such a classic, man :') oh and yknow wat? Unbreakable's actually pretty fucking cool, man. I get shyamalan know haha. Oh and yknow wat? 100 Tula Para Kay Stella is da 1st filipino film i actually liked so it has a special place in meh heart :')

ooohhh and Black Panther, man, gods how can one not bring up Da King™? WAKANDA FOREVER :') 😄

Oh and hey yknow wat? I have a sweet spot for the Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's kinda a guilty pleasure of mine hehe 😅

Whiicchh reminds me... the HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON FRANCHISE HAS GOT MY HART WHIPPED 😭😭😭

Oh and i also rlly like when harry met sally hihi :') and i guess the OG Star Wars trilogy's got a special place in my heart even if it is da way dat it is now 😢 :')

oh and i can't forget meh guardians :') Guardians of The Galaxy is such a solid film, bro. I loved it :') ooohhh and yknow wat? I actually rlly like Ready Player One, Baby Driver, and The Mummy (the brendan frasier one, who ya kiddin 😑)

oh and yknow wat? The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and Music & Lyrics has got a special place in my heart, man. Gotta admit it :')

aawww and amelie, and begin again, and flipped and hercules, and room, and spotlight, and shape of water, and ladybird, and the princess bride, and the iron giant, and the lobster, and we're the millers, and what if and man up and shrek and kimi no na wa and a quiet place and inception and the lion king and to all the boys I’ve loved before and oooh tim burton movies are pretty cool, the animated ones, and I did spend a good amount of time obsessed w/ dis one so I guess cap civil war, and then big hero 6 and wreck it ralph, and the martian and inside out, and gone girl, and the lion king and forrest gump and spider-man 1 and 2, and les miserables and the devil wears prada and the book of life and the intern and the princess diaries and miss congeniality and aladdin and confessions of a shopaholic

And ok, ok, i think im done. Hahaha das it das my list of meh all time fav movies and i feel like rewatching all of em now hahaha 😍

#jazzessments

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bleusidemv · 6 years ago

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85 Question Tag

Thank you @neocultvretechs for tagging me I am always so excited to do stuff like this yeay. Thanks honey!

RULES: answer these 85 statements about yourself and tag 20 people

LAST:

1.drink- strawberry smoothie

2. Phone call- my mom so she can pick me up from the trainstation

3. Text message- friend about the dress for our prom night in 3 weeks

4. Song you listened to- Nirvana-Sam Smith

5. Time you cried- about 2 weeks ago

EVER:

6. Dated someone twice- No

7. Kissed someone and regretted it- YES!!!

8. Been cheated on- I dont really know...I suspect one exboyfriend but I dont care about that anymore and another one kinda did something but not really...just kinda

9. Lost someone special- Nope

10. Been depressed- Haha yeah most of my teenage years but luckyly not anymore

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up- No I have a really high tolerance but I dont drink anyways(only like...maybe...5 times a year for special events)

12. Fave colors- (black white gray) pastel pink/babyblue/mint and dark reds and greens

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends- yeees

16. Fallen out of love- idk maybe its hard to put feelings in situations into such a general statement but I think so

17. Laughed until you cried- definitly. I cry sooo easyly while laughing bc of my huge cheeks being pushed agains my eyes so yeah...thats like the only reason I cry for most of the time

18. Found out someone was talking about you -I dont remember but I dont think so since I dont care about that anyways and it mostly does not happen(at least not knowingly)

19. Met someone who changed you- yes

20. Found out who your friends are- BIG FAT YES. Funny story: one of my best friends from primary school and I started talking again after years of not seeing each other and she is the one that helped me get into kpop so much and now we see each other every other week and bc of her I also got back in touch with another friend who I just went on a 3 day trip to berlin with. So yeah soemtimes the real ones are the ones you have not talked to in a while but that does not make it awkward instead shows you how time does not change a real friendship!

21.kissed someone on your facebooks friends list- I dont have fb so no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your fb friends do you know in real life- Still dont have an account

23. Do you have any pets- Yes one Cat

24. Do you want to change your name- No. I am happy my parents gave me 2 names to choose. One "normal/regular" one (Lea(but no one outside the internet calls me that)) and one that is more special(Sharon(also name I wanna be called by everyone since I like being unique))

25. What did you do for your last birthday- Went out to eat chinese with some friends then into a mexican restaurant to get churros

26. What time did you wake up today- 5:00(my sleep schedual is still shit from last week bc if the train we took at 2 in the morning to get to berlin and waking up early bc of excitement on the day the concert was)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night- trying to fall asleep

28. What is something you cant wait for- in general: when I order something online. Right now: going back to berlin for the BTS concert

30. What are you listening to right now- I.L.Y.-The Rose

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom- yes I have someone in my art class with that name

32. Something that is getting on your nerves- my constant back pain

33. Most visited webside- either h&m since I have to get a prom dress and I dont want to soend much money on it or kpopmart bc like...I am addicted to buying albums and I cant stop myself

34. Hair color- reddish brown

35. Long or short hair- on myself long. On girls I like both but maybe I prefere short a teenytiny bit more and on boys I like a little longer hair

36. Do you have a crush on someone- like famous people yes of course but in real life not that much. I mean I crush on loaaaad of girls but its not something constant like when you slowly fall in love with someone

37. What do you like about yourself- actually a few things. My eyes, my upperbody proportions, most of my personality and my taste in stuff aaaand my tattoos

38. Want any piercings- not right now. Someday maybe a tongue ring or a nose ring but I had my piercings phase already and I dont want to go back to it for now

39. Blood type- I dont know

40. Nicknames- no constant ones that everyonw uses just random ones with some friends that come up from time to time

41. Relationship status- almost single

42. Zodiac- Pisces

43. Pronouns- she/her

44. Fave TV shows- not watching any right now but maybe sense 8,skins,scubs,my name is earl, stranger things, avatar, sailor moon and sherlock

45. Tattoos- a heart on my foot but there are more coming in the next days

46. Right or left handed- right

47. Ever had surgery- No

48. Piercings- Multiple earlobes, 30mm tunnle(not wearing them anymore tho), I used to have a septum but I also dont wear it anymore and a smiley also not wearing it anymore aaaand I tried to make a nostril piercing myself but I only got halfway through so noooo but maybe one day Ill get that one profesionally done

49. Sport- I used to dance but I ruined my legs with it so I cant do it anymore as a sport thing

50. Vacation- I will hopefully go to greece or portugal this year. And if I could go anywhere Id go to thailand,korea,japan or anywhere that is close to the ocean and has nice beaches

52. Eating- not right now

53. Drinking- mostly water

54. Im about to watch- the last parts of the last ikon tv episode and then maybe the new kq fellaz episodes

55. Waiting for- my sisters weeding in a month

56. Want- to go back to the got7 concert and tell them all the things I need them to know. Also more albums and maybe new shoes

57. Get married- one day yes but not in the close future

58. Career- something creative hopefully in the music industry as a manager or producer would be nice but Ill take anything that makes me happy

WHICH IS BETTER:

59. Hugs or kisses- HUGS

60. Lips or eyes- both but...a slight bit more eyes

61. Shorter or taller- I am a short baby so taller...almost everyone is and I kinda feel cute for being short

62. Older or younger- older

63. Nice arms or stomach- weird question I mean what is the definition of nice? But lets say they mean conventional nice so like toned and muscular...then its definitly arms. I like strong arms. But I think that nice can mean a lot and to me a nice belly is a soft belly to cuddle with

64. Hookup or relationship- depends. Right now definirly hookups but if the right one comes my way I wont say no to a relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant- lately more hesitant but I used to be more of a trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER:

66. Kissed a stranger- No

67. Drank hard liquor- Yeeeees

68. Lost glasses- I dont have glasses so I cant lose them

69. Turned someone down- Uhm yes of course

70. Sex on first date- No...I mean practically I had sex at a first meeting but it was not a date so yeah

71. Broken someone heart- Yup

72. Been arrested- Nope

73. Had your heart broken- No not really

74. Cried when someone died- No

75. Fallen for a friend- Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

76. Yourself- Sometimes

77. Miracles- Yes...I guess...not sure

78. Love at first sight- I want to but also not sure since Ive not experienced it myself

79. Santa- Nooooooohooooooohooooo

80. Kiss on a first date- thats something to believe in? I just do whatever I feel like

81. Angels- like the church ones no but I do believe that humans can be like angels and thats what I am trying to be

OTHER:

82. Best friends name- I have multiple ones

83. Eye color- Green? Blue? Grey? Who knows

84. Fave movie- too many

85. Fave actor- also too many but the first one that came to my mind was Tom Hardy but there are other in this list too

Tagging : (new mutuals I wanna know better and my good ol frens)

@1kenzo @4xiumn @bobahancafe @felixspotato @woojinshairwasblue @orgel-mp3 @leeknowyaknow @straygayz @jiwonidaeyo @hercosmoscomplex @queen-ki @changbinknows @princess-nakamoto @122c @curledlife @daehdream @irrelevantkblog @neoculture-tech @yummyyugyeommie @joshhaogyu @kinodarling @apricotlipgloss

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detoxdolan · 7 years ago

Text

Another Late Tag

🎀Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people some of your faves.

I am aware that this is hella long and hella late, but I appreciate being tagged in these things and I love learning about all you lovely people in the fandom.

ALRIGHT LETS GET ITTTTT.

Last: 1. Drink - H2O bro 2. Phone call - I got a phone call from an unknown number while I was at work, so I called back and a random lady with a British accent answered and said she never called me??? 🤔 3. Text message - I’m currently absent from a game, so one of my teammates is filling me in on all the tea I’m missing. Apparently there’s beef between teams. 👀 4. Song you listened to - Praise You by Fatboy Slim (it was in a playlist, let me live.) 😂 5. Time you cried - uhhh Monday (today is Wednesday). So basically two days ago. 😅

Ever: 6. Dated someone twice? - Yes haha 7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Definitely. 8. Been cheated on - stealing this quote from @spiffydolan 👉 “technically yes, but really no” 9. Lost someone special - Yes 😳 10. Been depressed - ..Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - haha never 😁😁

3 Favorite colours: 12. Neutrals - Black, white, and beige 13. Blue!!! 14. Trendy Colours - so your basic olive green, millennial pink, maroon etc etc

In the last year (2017) have you: 15. Made new friends - I made this account in December and made so many friends on here that I’m so grateful for every day 😭AND THAT’S JUST ON TUMBLR. I feel like I branched out a lot this year and met so many cool ppl. 2017 was a good year. 16. Fallen out of love - Yes..and tbh it’s one of the worst feelings ever. 17. Laughed until you cried - not something I do often, but I think so. 18. Found out someone was talking about you - haha all the time #TalkShitGetHit 19. Met someone who changed you - Yes. 20. Found out who your friends are - “When people show you their true colours, believe them.” 👉 I feel like we all know the truth about who people are and its just a matter of whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. There are a lot of people in my life that I know shouldn’t be here but I don’t have the heart to let go of just yet..it’s a work in progress. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - uhhhhh probably LOL

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - tbh, I tried to do a facebook cleanse and remove anyone I didn’t associate with in real life but that lasted for like 2 seconds LMAO 23. Do you have any pets - I have a weenie dog 😊 24. Do you want to change your name - I don’t quite like my name, but I don’t think anything else would match me??? 25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went to a club with my 2 best friends and we ran into some friends and celebrated all together. Then I had a intimate little dinner with all my closest friends and family. OH I also cut all my hair off - so I guess there’s that 😂😂 Best birthday I’ve had so far. 26. What time did you wake up today - 7:45 am, even though my alarm was set for 8:45 🙄 27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping, most likely. Or finishing up a FaceTime sesh with @silly-silly-fangirl 28. What is something you can’t wait for - Everything and anything involving @silly-silly-fangirl #Toronto2k18 30. What are you listening to right now - Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw (against my better judgement, this is for a music challenge) 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I..don’t think so? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - Haha a lot of things. Uhh lets see: My boss, my friends, negative ppl EVERYWHERE 33. Most visited website - Probably Tumblr or YouTube 34. Hair color - Chestnut Brown. I know this because when I used to colour pictures as a kid with pencil crayon, I would use the Chestnut Brown pencil crayon for my hair. 😂😂 35. Long or short hair - In the aforementioned birthday question, I cut all my hair off, but its growing back. 36. Do you have a crush on someone - Lol I have like..a crush for every occasion. I have a work crush, a school crush, a basketball crush..literally a crush for every place I go. 37. What do you like about yourself - Turning Pain into Power, Positivity, and Patience. 4 P’s 🙏

38. Want any piercings? - I was thinking about getting my seconds because literally everyone has so many badass piercings and I dont (my parents would kill me). 39. Blood type - B positive! I got tested at a lil set up at my school for blood donation. DONATE BLOOD YALL!!!! Seriously, you could save like 3 lives from that ish. 40. Nicknames - Ni, Nina, Nitts/Mama Nitts (why), Nids, NiNi, T, Nitty, Littya etc etc 41. Relationship status - Single and satisfied ✌️ 42. Zodiac - Leo ♌ 43. Pronouns - she/her 44. Favorite TV shows - Jane the Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Riverdale (these are just recents) 45. Tattoos - Honey....would u put a bumper sticker on a bentley 46. Right or left handed - righty is tighty ✌️ ✌️ 47. Ever had surgery - I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but I wasn’t put to sleep. I had local anesthetic and I was awake for the whole thing, IT WAS FUCKING BRUTAL I cried the whole time the dental assistant had to wipe my tears throughout the procedure lmao 48. Piercings - I have a tongue ring 😜🤘 49. Sport - Cheerleading 🎀 50. Vacation - Tryna reach NOLA for Mardi Gras next year you already knowwww @spiffydolan 🎉🎉 51. Trainers - wut

More general: 52. Eating - either way too much or not enough and no in between 53. Drinking - Water. Always water. I got some free coconut water at work though, so I mean that was pretty cool. 54. I’m about to watch - Riverdale? idk I got a lot of shows to catch up on. 55. Waiting for - My new apartment to be ready! 🤗 56. Want - mostly just a bunch of household things for my new place. But also, want @silly-silly-fangirl to come visit me in Toronto :( 57. Get married - Yeah, maybe. I gotta find someone to like me first 😅 58. Career - I’ve lowkey always wanted to be a teacher and my entire life has basically been me avoiding becoming a teacher soooo yeah lmao. Right now I’m on the track to Midwifery but I’m? chaning my mind?? idk.

Which is better: 59. Hugs or kisses - I wanna say hugs cause I feel like you can’t kiss everyone. But the people you can kiss...damn. 60. Lips or eyes - eyes 61. Shorter or taller - I’m not one of those cute, dainty, short girls. I’m 5′6, so taller would be appreciated 😅 62. Older or younger - older 63. Nice arms or stomach - I have neither so 💁 64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship? idk I’m kinda living the single life rn and I’m just chilling so I wouldn’t mind a casual thing here or there BUT WHO HAS THE TIME 65. Troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the best mix of both 😏

Have you ever: 66. Kissed a stranger - Yes 🙈 67. Drank hard liquor - Yes 68. Lost glasses - Probably 69. Turned someone down - Yes 😪 70. Sex on first date - Not...yet? 71. Broken someones heart - Yes 72. Had your heart broken - Yes 😞 73. Been arrested - Nope 😇 74. Cried when someone died - Yes 💔 75. Fallen for a friend - Not a close friend, but yeah.

Do you believe in: 76. Yourself - I do 😌 77. Miracles - Absolutely 78. Love at first sight - Maybe not? Probably more like a significant encounter typa vibe

79. Santa Claus - haha no 80. Kiss on a first date - To be proper, no. Butttt there are def exceptions. 81. Angels - YES

Other: 82. Best friend’s name - In the great words of Mindy Kaling “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” Butttt @silly-silly-fangirl (If u couldn’t already tell) is one of my favorite people on this planet atm. 83. ‎Eye color - Brown? I wanna say hazel, but the twins literally INVENTED hazel w their eye colour and I cannot compete. 84. Favorite movie - Hardest question ever...I always say Zorro 85. ‎Favorite actor - Leonardo DiCaprio? Viola Davis? Robert DeNiro??

Thank you so so much to @spiffydolan for the tag. U da best. 💜💜

Gonna tag some of my favorite blogs at the moment. If you’ve already been tagged/want to sit out of this tag, consider this a shoutout! Thanks for being awesome 😊 @ethandolanakae-tee-wee-tee @laneswervingdolan @pandasaremyspritanimal @broncodolan @silly-silly-fangirl @coconutethan @dolanwaffles

#Im sorry im always late #i love yall #i wonder who actually read my answers #if u made it this far u a real one #drop some purple hearts in my ask box if u made it to the bottom

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