#dont go to grad school kids
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I GRADUATED TODAY!!!
It has been. A rough year to say the least. This is a professional graduate degree that is often done by people who have work experience and are looking to apply their education to elevate their work, and I was doing it right out of undergrad. Plus I had to overload on credits during the summer and fall semesters, while working, and then work on my thesis during winter break, so no actual break for me in over a year
Went through one of the worst mental health periods I've had in years, with a lot of isolation from my friends and personal family issues that I'm still dealing with
But I made it through! I got this degree that represents a lot for what I learned and what I hope to do in my career! I have a job that I think will let me really help people and apply myself to my work in a way that's satisfying! I did some great research, had some great internships, and met some great people! And even though it didn't turn out exactly how I thought it would, I'm proud of myself for making it through the year and the degree ❤
#personal#just needed to write it down somewhere#shout out to all you mutuals who stuck with me even though i stopped responding to discord messages ❤#youre the real ones#dont go to grad school kids#omg maybe the last time i can use that tag what is this
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My thesis is due TOMORROW and i cant reach my supervisor who hasnt answered my Very Critical Questions from a week ago.
Stress levels: i am currently in orbit
#I NEED YOU TO ANSWER MY MESSAGES#he insisted i dont focus on finalizing my figures bc he would help me with making them fancy#but now its the final few hours AND I STILL DONT HAVE FINAL RESULTS#and the data he sent me doesnt have fucking units so idk if ive calculated ANYTHING correctly#i am so so so close to complete burnout and collapse#dont go to grad school kids
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Look how time flies
Kumon is graduating!
#desiree talks#a3!#a3#act addict actors#kumon hyodo#azami izumida#yuki also has a card for this scout#but i dont think he’s graduating? he’s still a year younger#and if anything muku should be graduating with him too#citron is also on the scout so that part shouldn’t mean too much#if only i knew wtf was going on with a3 nowadays#anyway so next year is yuki and muku and then finally it’ll be azami#then all the kids will be out of high school and probably starting college#i can imagine a3 continuing until azami graduates#i wonder who’ll be the college grads by then?#i havent been keeping track too close but#i remember omi having one a few years back#but idk if tsuzuru and kazunari already had theirs
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Hello Gin 🤍
For the “do things get better” question I wanted to offer some personal thoughts….
I ask myself the same question and think it does get better, it just takes time. People will be like “oh what’s takin u so long” but healing is a tricky process and should not be taken lightly it can’t be forced to happen as quickly as possible. Especially if people who hurt you who are literally responsible for why you are in such a state of mind are the ones who pressure you to get better faster that pisses me off. Just because they can’t see a change doesn’t mean nothing is happening yk. Sometimes you don’t even realize that it gets better because the situation still feels terrible for example I’ve lost a lot of “friends” and now I only have two left. I asked myself why everybody left and felt very lonely but recently i understood that these were not real friends and without them I’m better off. I’ve got two great friends who are like sisters they know me so well and with them I don’t have to pretend. And then there’s the kind people in here who made me come out of my shell a little bit 🤍
I also live by believing that whatever is happening is the right thing like if the universe doesn’t want these people in my life because they’re bad for me then the universe takes them away. Though I have to backtrack a lil, not everything is the right thing. There are definitely things that happened that don’t make any sense and that are not in any shape or form something that should’ve happened.
I don’t know if that was helpful and I’m sorry that I dumped all of this here but seeing that post made me think 💭
Gin I hope you’ll feel better and if you ever want to talk or idk anything I offer myself 🫶🏻
Hi Mina, you know, i really appreciate you sharing this - i feel you on the dropped lines with friends thing - i'm the kind of person who has no problem cutting and running, and sometimes i think i might be a little too quick with it, but most of the time i think i get it right - also, my brain is full of holes rn lmao, so if this response sounds a little drab, please excuse me :')
but yeah, i think i overall agree with you on this, though i may just have a less optimistic spin on it - i'm more of the, everything ends, everything passes away, so this too will end and pass away, school of thought - nothing is forever, nothing is permanent - and that can be both a huge relief and the greatest pain...
i don't know, whatever i'm in right now, it will eventually change into something else, and there's gotta be some hope in that sentiment i suppose
god, i sound like a total bummer, oh well, that's what graduating college will do to a guy
thank you for your thoughts and support <3
#gin's big hot depression summer 2024#kiddinggggg#not really but#go to therapy kids#and take your meds if you have meds to take#and dont fucken go to grad school
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Its one of those days where I really just want to have a family and littles to look after.
#i miss my boyfriend#im not digging how busy i am with grad school#i just want to be at home#and enjoy the quiet#i love what i do but boy im just so tired#i like my roommates and school is going fine#but i really just want to be done with being busy#i maybe want to see if i can be a string teacher or maybe k-12 again#i just want to do things at home nowada#*nowadays#i dont appreciate the stress#i wasnt happy as a middle school teacher#mostly because if the town and the district and city kids are weird#i think id be happy with small town kids#i really just want to be a mom though#and just teach private music lessons and play in a symphony#just thinking some thoughts
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oh my god you wanna know sth so incredibly fucked up though. my father (who didnt finish his PhD, left ABD) told me the other day that not only was his PhD tuition free (relatively typical), but they ALSO paid him like $11/hour to TA part-time. in like the 1980s. left with $16,000 in student debt TOTAL, which included like 6 years of undergrad...in 2017 i got paid $9.25/hour to fully teach a human a&p lab, like designed my own curriculum and tests and everything. my tuition as a freshman in undergrad was 16k like what a JOKE!!!
#running the inflation calculator on those numbers made me so incredibly sad too lmfao#telling people that i dont have any student debt bc i went to a cheapy cheapo grad school snd lived with my dad so it was Only $25k#bc that is objectively a flex but like#sobbing#go to community college kids
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Crazy to be 20 years old and my mom casually mentioning that she was so glad i decided of my own volition that I didn't want to see my bio father anymore bc she knew that he and his mom were smoking meth when I came to visit but didn't want to tell me unless I brought it up cuz she didn't want me to have a bad impression of them 😭 that woman is a saint if I found out my baby daddy was tweaking in front of my toddler I would've poisoned his supply and sent them both to the graves from "overdose"
#my mom hated her babydaddy so much but she was so worried about me growing up to think that she purposefully turned me against him#i remember her sitting me down like ''i want to move somewhere far away for grad school but that means u might not see ur father as much#anymore. so if you think that would be sad for you we'll stay put''#and i was 6 years old like ''i dont care about him at all''#2 years later i forgot his fucking name and my mom had to remind me XD he was such a non presence in my life#cant tweak around ur daughter if u never spend time with her!!!#even when i was over there my grandma and some of his uncles were the ones who took care of me#and i didnt like any of them they were mean to me they didnt understand me or my personality at all even when i was a baby#and had a baby personality (toddler with what was probably ARFID)#i started denying food based on smell and look before i was even out of the high chair#i spent years and years beating my mom and aunts and maternal grandparents into submission#the dinner table was a warzone and i did not quit the fight until i won. and then i would go to meth daddy's house#and i had to start All Over Again cuz they were never around my moms family. in hindsight im sure thats bc of the tweaking#but yeah me not wanting to eat ''gross'' shit (like bread. not even pizza dough) was the main source of strife between me and every adult#it continued well into my adolescence (altho realizing i was wrong about bread opened me up a lot to trying new things)#but i dont think arfid was recognized as a thing when i was a kid and my family was convinced i was just stubborn and that they could#break me so i was never checked out for any eating disorders
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(taking a really long drag off a cigarette) i know the joke is that osomatsu at 18 is the exact same as osomatsu current but didnt he seem angrier to you. just in general. i cannot imagine how teenage angst would hit you if you were also a sextuplet
like he was probably as carefree and stupid as usual with literally everyone else to be fair. but w his brothers it's like ough. i wonder if the "getting sick of the sextuplet schtick" hit him the hardest in HS. he's the only one who isnt visibly annoyed in the sleeping scene but he's also the one saying "why are there six of us?"
i thibk osomatsu has genuine qualms w being a sextuplet. we see him complain abt it to chibita in episode 2. i dont think they were totally unfounded or made up on the spot, that's stuff he was holding deep in his core
and i think esp in an environment like high school, and w being such an egotistical brat, oso wouldve started resenting not having his own identity just like the others. i imagine he wouldve channeled his clingy brattiness into being a nuisance to all of his peers. it's just that now, in adulthood, he literally doesnt have anyone else in his life, so his brattiness has fallen back onto his brothers.
ironic to how he is now, i think the "why are you asking me? that's your problem" response to totty comes from resenting the sextuplet status quo they'd established as kids of them expecting him to know what to do and expecting to follow his lead and having eldest brother expectations of him forever and ever. why do you assume we're going to be together forever? don't you know i'm going to make it out on my own in the real world?
it's interesting it was between totty and oso cuz it seemed like hs totty wanted things to stay the way they were the most. regressing and acting even more kid like. so to me oso saying that to totty specifically is a like "why are you expecting things to stay the way they were forever?" kind of thing
i feel like (inhaling more smoke) it's kind of like the fight at their grad ceremony kind of unlocked those revelations for them. we've just had the worst fight of our lives but at the end of the day we all have to take the same route home to all sleep in the same futon. we're going to be brothers no matter what. for better or for worse we're shackled sextuplets forever and ever.
Everything just kinda clicks because even though he hates it, they're stuck together. And he doesn't have any idea on what he's gonna do, he knows Totty doesn't know what to do, and it's probably easy for him to guess that the rest of them don't know what to do either. They're stuck together and none of them have a plan for the future besides that. i think oso was coasting by on this idea that "everything would work out somehow" (very oso-like) and this is the wakeup call that no, if left unattended, this is how your problems will fester
i also really often think about 18oso's reaction to finding out they're neets in the future. yes this is funny yes this is deeply sad but i also remember being really taken aback by it when i first saw it
like obviously after you think about it for 1.5 seconds like, yes, obviously oso didn't realize at age 18 that he was going to be a jobless bum well into his 20s. being a jobless bum wasn't what he had envisioned for his life. but juxtaposed with how carefree current osomatsu is with his life it really is funny to realize like oh, yeah, there was a point in time, most of their life really, where they thought they'd be something when they were adults
i think oso had always wanted his own identity like any other teen, but now that the only people left in his life as an adult are his brothers he's just clinging to his identity as niichan. but maybe this is the smoke inhalation talking
i think if oso had any other friends than his twins he would not be this annoying. but he doesn't
#txt#analysis#1#sure this can go in my oso tag. sure#anyways this revelation that any of these men could be fixed by just having normal friends their age who didnt#kno wthem at age 10#is why i wrote my ichi/nyaa fanfic. i desperately need these boys to get normal friends
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I’m in undergrad but I keep hearing and seeing people talking about using chatgpt for their schoolwork and it makes me want to rip my hair out lol. Like even the “radical” anti-chatgpt ones are like “Oh yea it’s only good for outlines I’d never use it for my actual essay.” You’re using it for OUTLINES????? That’s the easy part!! I can’t wait to get to grad school and hopefully be surrounded by people who actually want to be there 😭😭😭
Not to sound COMPLETELY like a grumpy old codger (although lbr, I am), but I think this whole AI craze is the obvious result of an education system that prizes "teaching for the test" as the most important thing, wherein there are Obvious Correct Answers that if you select them, pass the standardized test and etc etc mean you are now Educated. So if there's a machine that can theoretically pick the correct answers for you by recombining existing data without the hard part of going through and individually assessing and compiling it yourself, Win!
... but of course, that's not the way it works at all, because AI is shown to create misleading, nonsensical, or flat-out dangerously incorrect information in every field it's applied to, and the errors are spotted as soon as an actual human subject expert takes the time to read it closely. Not to go completely KIDS THESE DAYS ARE JUST LAZY AND DONT WANT TO WORK, since finding a clever way to cheat on your schoolwork is one of those human instincts likewise old as time and has evolved according to tools, technology, and educational philosophy just like everything else, but I think there's an especial fear of Being Wrong that drives the recourse to AI (and this is likewise a result of an educational system that only prioritizes passing standardized tests as the sole measure of competence). It's hard to sort through competing sources and form a judgment and write it up in a comprehensive way, and if you do it wrong, you might get a Bad Grade! (The irony being, of course, that AI will *not* get you a good grade and will be marked even lower if your teachers catch it, which they will, whether by recognizing that it's nonsense or running it through a software platform like Turnitin, which is adding AI detection tools to its usual plagiarism checkers.)
We obviously see this mindset on social media, where Being Wrong can get you dogpiled and/or excluded from your peer groups, so it's even more important in the minds of anxious undergrads that they aren't Wrong. But yeah, AI produces nonsense, it is an open waste of your tuition dollars that are supposed to help you develop these independent college-level analytical and critical thinking skills that are very different from just checking exam boxes, and relying on it is not going to help anyone build those skills in the long term (and is frankly a big reason that we're in this mess with an entire generation being raised with zero critical thinking skills at the exact moment it's more crucial than ever that they have them). I am mildly hopeful that the AI craze will go bust just like crypto as soon as the main platforms either run out of startup funding or get sued into oblivion for plagiarism, but frankly, not soon enough, there will be some replacement for it, and that doesn't mean we will stop having to deal with fake news and fake information generated by a machine and/or people who can't be arsed to actually learn the skills and abilities they are paying good money to acquire. Which doesn't make sense to me, but hey.
So: Yes. This. I feel you and you have my deepest sympathies. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sit on the porch in my quilt-draped rocking chair and shout at kids to get off my lawn.
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Kindergarten Boyfriend
Y/N's gang
childe x fem!reader
.•¨*•. ☆ .•*¨•..•¨*•. ☆ .•*¨•..•¨`•. ☆.•¨*•. ☆ .•*¨•..•¨*•.
Y/N: Recent college grad, started lakelight in college with her two besties, yoimiya and ayaka. Plays keys, writes songs, and sometimes plays guitar too. Grew up in Snezhnaya, where she went to kindergarten. Moved to Inazuma the next year, where she met Yoimiya and Ayaka. The girls quickly grew close, and Ayaka eventually convinced Y/N and Yoimiya to learn instruments. Y/N learned piano, and the first time they performed together was in a grade school talent show. They all went to college in Fontaine together. The three of them are living together in a shared home. Hopeless romantic, and constantly requires a little drink. Also terribly clumsy.
Ayaka: Lead singer, and guitar for Lakelight. Met Yoimiya and Y/N when they were kids. Ayaka grew up pretty sheltered, so moving away to college was a bit of a shock. Biggest partier in the group, handles their alcohol the best, somehow the most responsible, and always looks presentable. She’s somewhat used to media attention due to her family’s wealth and status. Still, the most genuine, sweet person you will ever meet. Is always looking out for others, and is often the first person to notice when someone is going through something. She convinced the girls to learn to play instruments for a talent show in grade school. Also a hopeless romantic, hopes to find the one. excellent cook.
Yoimiya: Drummer for lakelight. The loud one in the friend group, bubbly, easily excitable. Fascinated by fire, explosions, fireworks. The matches at the house are all hidden so she doesn’t set the place on fire. Graduated with a major in chemistry and a minor in music production. When Ayaka convinced them all to learn instruments, Yoimiya chose the drums. After starting, she learned that they helped her get out excess energy, and actually became pretty beneficial. It may have been Ayaka’s idea to learn instruments, but it was Yoimiya’s idea to form a band in highschool. Before Clorinde became their manager, Yoimiya was usually the one finding gigs for them at random bars or parties. loves animals, random animals are always finding her.
Navia: Owner of Cafe Rosula, dating clorinde. Mom of the group. Always taste testing her new recipes on the group. Met Ayaka when she was TA’ing a culinary class Ayaka was in. After she helped Ayaka out with some assignments, Ayaka invited her to a board game night, and they’ve all been friends ever since. Started dating Clorinde in her 4th year of college. After graduation, they moved in together. Loves learning, and helping others learn, so she started monthly cooking classes at her cafe. Her door is always open, any time of day. She’s incredibly curious, some may even call her nosy. Loves to spill the tea. Always prepared for almost any scenario.
Clorinde: Manager and producer for lakelight, met Y/N, Yoimiya and Ayaka in her 3rd year of college in a music production class. They all got assigned to a group project together. After the project was over, Clorinde invited them over to play tabletop games. Ayaka brought her friend, Navia. That night, a lifelong friendship began - and between Clorinde and Navia, romance. In their 4th year of college, they started dating. Fondly called the moms of the group. Clorinde loves board games, card games, and she even dabbles in video games. Passion for music production, and a serious business sense to follow. Secret sweet tooth fed by her girlfriend’s cafe. Has a bad case of rbf, and is on the introverted side.
.•¨*•. ☆ .•*¨•..•¨*•. ☆ .•*¨•..•¨`•. ☆.•¨*•. ☆ .•*¨•..•¨*•.
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a/n: yayayay first batch of profiles! still figuring out my upload schedule honestly. anywayyyyy 5.1 is out! anyone pulling for xilonen? i am... not a fan of her design so I'm skipping lol.
#ajax x reader#childe x reader#childe x you#genshin impact smau#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x y/n#genshin x you#tartaglia x reader#genshin smau#childe x y/n#blueberrysfics
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My master's thesis is really starting to overwhelm me so would appreciate some good vibes for the next few months ❤
#personal#dont go to grad school kids#lmao supposed to have my findings and analysis outlined a month from now sure jan
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At that point in the semester where everything is spiraling down the drain at an accelerating speed and all i want to do is lie in the sun and listen to a podcast
But there are Deadlines
#i am so hysterically behind on my thesis#and i have a phd app due in 3 days#and i do Not have enough coffee or hours to get a handle on all these moving pieces flying around#we really in it now#dont go to grad school kids there are Horrors
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"What do you wish for?"
An all-dialogue birthday work for Ashley Jang.
A/N: yup, i am.... very late on this. It was supposed to post a week around her actual birthday (July 20th) and what day is it today? ... yeahhhh
and because im actually proud, here's the post that only has the artworks.
--- “Saengil chukha hamnidaaa~”
“Happy birthday Hye-chun! Make a wish yea? What do you want?”
“I-i want-”
“Shh, dont say it out loud, or else your wish wont come true!”
“Alright, do it like this. Close your eyes and say your wish, not out loud. And then blow it all out.”
“You did it!!! Now we can eat the cake!!”
“Yaaayy!! Cake time!!”
"Alright, here give these to the elders first, these should be enough.”
“Oh look who’s coming for the cake!! So eager, its not your turn yet, Seung-jae.”
“Aw.”
“Auntie!! Have a cake!”
“Its alright, you can give it to Seung-jae.”
“Bleh, he has to wait! Mama said so!”
“Hey!!!”
“Haha, kids these days…”
--- “Do you like your lunch here?”
“I love it!! I’ve never been to a buffet here before. It’s quite nice!”
“Glad you love it. Also, we ordered a slice of red velvet cake for you. Happy birthday my girl.”
*gasps* "Thank you!!”
“So do you wanna make a wish? I mean, we can ask for a candle-”
“No need, I can just wish in my heart and just, eat the cake you know?”
“Oh yes yes. Haha, you are growing up, don’t feel like doing that anymore isnt it?”
“Y-yeah…”
“Hm? What’s wrong, dear? Are you ok?”
“Oh, it’s just…, I was thinking of the old times back then. There was a time when Uncle Ethan brought us to the island for my birthday years ago! It was really fun.”
“That was years ago? Time sure flew fast… ”
(How long… did the accident happen? Hold on, this year is… oh. They were gone… for more than a year…)
“...I, I actually miss them, it’s just not the same anymore…”
“Y-yeah, I miss them too.”
“*sighs* let’s not think about that today, alright?”
“Sorry, I sort of brought down the mood on my own day.”
“No no, dear, you didn’t. It’s understandable. Come on, the cake’s not gonna get eaten by itself, no?”
--- “Heeeeeeyyyy!! Happy 21st Birthday Ashley!!!”
“There it is, the magic number!! Now can fully do whatever you want liao!”
“Whoa, you guys…”
“21 leh! I see people always make 21 years old extra special one, so we also made it like this for you, with balloons, deco, food, also matcha cake, one of your favourites!”
“T-thank you.”
“Wait, actually back in your home, you are considered 22 is it? Must be confusing.”
“I mean, I’m studying here, may as well follow how you guys count.”
“Well, fair enough. Also I just noticed you got your hair dyed! Looks pretty!”
“Thanks, been wanting to do that for a while.”
“So, any wishes you made?”
“I dunno man, I just wanna survive another school year, then it’s off to… wherever we go after grad-”
“Shush!! Too early to think bout the future! Let’s just celebrate your day, afterwards we go for karaoke, k?”
“It’s more like, are we gonna stay in touch after grad?”
“Like I said, it’s too early to think that! Course I hope we stay in touch, but who knows?”
“Ok ok fine, soooo, I heard karaoke just now~”
“The cake can wait then, let’s go!!!”
--- “Hey, you guys actually know Ashley’s birthday is coming up soon?”
“Wait really? Huh, never knew that. She didn't really tell anyone that.”
“Ooo, why dont we gave her a lil’ surprise then?”
“And that’s what im thinking about! Let’s start planning…”
- “Haaaaaaaaaappy birthday girlypop!!”
“Heard today is your special day, gurl! We planned this few days ago just to give ya the best of the best!”
“... oh my god…”
“Yup, I asked around and got your favorite cake flavor too!”
“Red velvet, eh, I guess it’s alright…”
“*whispers* He found it from the finest cake shop and stole it.”
“What the- Don’t tell her that!!!”
“There are also presents given from some of us who couldn't come, but they wished ya too."
"I... I didn't expect this, all of this really. T-thank you, all of you..."
"Aw, don't mention it! You are one of the coolest people I met here, may as well returning the favor. By the way, did you wish for something?"
"Bet it's gonna be loads of plushies- ow, hey!!"
"Uh you are completely wrong. I'm not telling you all then."
"BOOOOOO"
. . .
(Besides, that wish had already came true, and they are right in front of me.)
---
Formatted text for whose speaking: Pink - Ashley, Blue - Seungjae, Orange - Brutus, Green - Cameron, Non-colored text in part 4 - Jinjer
#thsc#thsc oc#ashley jang#holy moly i did it chat i finished this#originally i wanted to give jinjer the purple text color but im afraid too many colored text in one part may be straining#and i gotta balance it out#sorry if its a bit rushed near the end my brain is trying to crank#mai writing invasion
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whole buncha miscellaneous arc-v Not-Lawrence/college AU notes i cant remember if i've jotted down here or not:
yuya zuzu and sylvio go to a performing arts high school. ("like in Victorious") their mascot is the hippos OF COURSE!! yuya is getting really nervous about rapidly approaching decisions he needs to make about college <3
You Show is a small local children's theater Yusho and Skip Boyle founded together (before Yusho fucked off to go do big Vegas stage shows. thats it's own kettle of fish)--yuya and zuzu work there over the summer/volunteer when theyre not busy with school work.
gong works for his dad's appliance repair business ❤
yugo's mom married yuri's dad like four years ago and now they are step-brothers and yugo and his mom get to live in yuri's house and he's being such a fucking brat about it STILL.
yugo and yuri are both college freshmen--i dont think yugo knows what he wants to do with his life other than 'drive motorcycle' but he's got time (he neeeeeeds to stop skipping class though.) rin aint got time for college, she works at the same car repair shop syrus and anna and yusei and crow work at that i REALLY NEED TO NAME SINCE IT'S BECOMING AN IMPORTANT LOCATION.
lulu is in grad school for veterinary medicine :^) i think im gonna give her pet pigeons too. she oversees the NLBA (Not-Lawrence Birding Alliance) with shay 🐦
yuri is suffering from "former gifted kid no longer smartest student in room and struggling bad" among like seven other things. he wants to get into some botany-related bio field <3 his dad is also a college professor!
declan is a college freshman too and he's got so much shit on his plate right now and his dad may have fled the country but don't even worry about it. celina is declan's cousin and im not sure what she's up to you. i think she dated anna for a while.
yuto is a game design major who recently graduated and he's so fuckign stressed about student loans but it's fine. he's chill. he's fine. he fumbled a bad bitch recently (lulu) but he's gonna be so brave about it. he fucking love ttrpgs.
dennis is a freshman theater major who's already pounced on a coveted mentorship program slot. :) his mentor is atticus :) they are THE most annoying friends in the world <3
dennis and yuri met at a fucked up conservative summer camp that was maybe actually a front for a money laundering scam and/or cult but thats a story for another time 🤸♂️
#ygo posting#ygo spinoff college au#god there is really like. 3-4 months worth just of arcveee college AU stuff simmering in my brain it has me GRIPPED#rotating the yugorinyuridennis inlaws pile around in my brain at 80 mph
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Can't decide on a specific scene but i'll take anything you have to say about i'll meet judgement by the hounds bc at this point i have re-read it so many times ...
the thing about ill meet judgement by the hounds is that literally no concrete planning went into writing that thing. i was up against a deadline for a grad school assignment i was procrastinating like NOBODY'S BUSINESS had two panic attacks that week (unrelated to school!!) and then flew to bath with my roommate spur of the moment. posted that ch2 late at night zooted on my anxiety meds and and woke up to some LOVELY messages that i read on a bus when i was pulling away from the airport. insane experience. i didnt even want to give it a chapter two right away i was like IM BUSY. and then i wrote it immediately.
BUT to actually talk about the fic. like you asked <3. i actually had this idea that i wanted to follow marc's pov (at that point i had only written vale) and get inside his insane headspace leading up to his arm surgery and then be like. wouldnt it be crazy if vale was there and wanted to reconcile a bit but he was also kind of avoiding SAYING THAT. wouldnt that make marc feel EVEN CRAZIER. marc marquez saw trap simulator. inside you there are two wounds one is valentino rossi and the other is your fucked up arm. anddddd 2022 seemed like the ideal place for a rosquez reunion to me! like. dramaturgically. marc is on the brink. vale has just retired (easy to get a reason for him to have an epiphany regarding marc, made even easier bc marc pov means i never have to explain it in depth !)
and the thing about this fic is that it was supposed to be. A LOT longer. go race by race until his surgery and have them talk a lot more. change a little more gradually. but uh. ive already said my life was insane at that time and i got excited and fucking SENT that badboy. (again. i was lightly tranquilized.) which i think MOSTLY makes it better but the pacing is still little wacky. anyways i do think of the scene i cut where marc talks to alex all the time but i think i also fully deleted it! dont write fic under the influence! i also cut a BIG scene of them at the french GP where vale brings marc a sandwich and makes him eat it. it should also be noted that i was doing SO much journalism research about this period and i found a bunch of WILD quotes from marc that i compiled into a small insane vision board of them to ground my fic in his crazy way of conceptualizing his life. that i apparently also deleted while zen-ed out. so
more stupid behind the scenes under the cut
actual plot summary (my "outline") that i wrote out at the top of my google doc complete with typo:
Thinking about how absolutely distressing it would be for Marc pre surgery or right after if Vale tried to reconcile. Early 2022 before surgery decision and post Vale retirement
Scenes of Vale like. earnestl y talking to him. Marc represses a panic attack every time. race by race?
and here's what i had written for aragon, which is full of lines i just thought of with NO context or structure like this part would NOT take off the ground. you might notice some of them get repurposed later in the fic:
III. French GP, 2022. P6.
Marc’s still not out of the habit of reaching for him, apparently. He looks— God. Marc’s head hurts just looking at him. He could swear he has defenses from this, from how Marc can feel where he is in every room they’re in together. He guesses somewhere in the last few weeks he’s lost them, again. Just another thing he used to be good at.
despite everything, Marc can feel himself relax, with Vale here. The warm heat of him sharing space. He used to feel like this all the time. Vale to his left. His arm, casual and pain free, on his right. Now he's scarred all the way down both sides.
He remembers when he was a kid and he met Vale. How he had winked at Marc and said, I'll look out for you, cradling the toy car that Marc had brought specifically to give to him in his hands. How Marc had turned it over in his brain for years. I'll look out for you.
Marc bargains with himself
Marc does stupid, stupid things when Vale is in his life. He knows this. Going to the ranch is a bad idea. the press alone, if anyone finds out, would feed the paddock journos for years. It would be stupid— risky
Someone needs to tell him not to race. calm him down. Usually, it’s Álex.
MORE OUTLINE: Vale brings him a sandwich and Marc wants to cry, terrible race. They watch a movie its very Valentino voice lemme take care of you !!! but no talking about their past lmao. maybe arm
Genuinely terrible race. That one stat about alwasy finishing top 5 or crashing. Vale like actually gets him to talk about his arm which gets no where fast (guest alex?) and riding misery begins to reach a tipping point
#ALSO remember doing a lot of research NOT using ALL IN nad then going back when 3/4 of the fic was written to watch it#and all of my inferences about marcs feelings at specific races were pretty correct! and that felt good. like i had a bit of a handle on hi#also the working title of it was BODY KEEPING THE SCORE. i chose the actual title in a fugue state at midnight. its a mitski song.#motogp#callie speaks#asks#my fav part of that outline: maybe arm#like yeah idiot. the fic is about arm.
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Chapter 1: The Backstory
PAIRING:Witch!Reader x Rival!Yeosang
GENRE:Enemies to lovers, Academic rivals (?),yeosang is a douche.
WC: 1k
WARNINGS: reader has a relatively bad relationship with her parent cud of her grades
REQUESTED: nope (please request !!!!!)
a/n: my first fic EEEEKK! I hope you like it and dont be too hard on me since english isn't my first, lowercase intended, anyways enjoy !!! (also brief mention of hyunjin in the beginning )
You and yeosang go way back and not in that reminiscent, friendly way. You both attended the same school " Littlewood Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry" grades 1 through 12. The school was not at all modest.It was a castle , one you'd see straight out of a fantasy story. The students though.... not so much. They were split up into extremely close-knit cliques,only having about 5-8 people each.You were apart of the smart kids clique , However yeosang was apart of the "Cool kid clique", so you never interacted much ,but when you did, all hell broke loose.
" Sup y/n " said Yeosang as he leaned forward onto your desk after class.
"dont talk to me , people might think we're friends" you replied , eyes still on the homework you were doing.
"Hey why do you hate me so much ? We barely ever interact?" Yeosang commented, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Well," you began as you closed the book you were solving in " first you are an insufferable human being that can't function without at least two girls on either shoulder , a playboy , and a borderline bully. " you sighed as you opened your mouth to speak again " Second, you pay people to do your homework , and third you're just a douche bag over all" you ended.
"You need more? cus i got all day." you added making Yeosang's lips turn into a thin line.
"no, thanks" he uttered.
"good" you said as you got up from your seat to your next class , a smirk plastered across your face. You were especially excited today since it was the last lesson you'd attend at this god forsaken school, then you'd finally become a witch.
As you were walking a glimpse of a tall man with long black hair caught your eye.
Hwang HyunJin.
The school sweetheart. Everyone and their mom had a big crush on him. The way his hair covers his eyes and his long legs striding at an unusually fast pace .You too had a crush on hyunjin,But you knew he was way out of your league. Not necessarily because you were ugly ; You were actually somewhat pretty ,But he was part of the "cool kid clique" and ,as if it wasn't bad enough , he was Yeosang's friend. God he is so drea-
OUCH!
Your thoughts were interrupted by a stinging pain on your forehead. You looked up to see what you hit. You looked up and saw a pair of eyes. A little too familiar for you liking. Oh god. no no no no.
You had just hit your head on Yeosang's chest.
"Sorry" you murmured, walking away fast enough to escape from the severely embarrassing situation , but slow enough for Yeosang to catch a glimpse of your face.
" God, is she clumsy " He said laughing to himself.
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*. **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
You let out a sigh of relief as you heard the last bell ring ,meaning you were done with your schooling for life now. You heard the announcement speaker turn on and a familiar voice started speaking.
" Congratulations grade 12 students on graduating and I hope your dreams take you to the corners of the earth, to the highest of your hopes, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.Behind you, all your memories. Ahead of you, all your dreams. Within you, all you need. Wishing you the best graduation.The next chapter gets really good. Congrats, grad! Don't forget ,your graduation ceremony will be held tonight , best of luck to you all. Special congratulations to this year's co-valedictorians , Kang Yeosang and Y/l/n Y/N . Officially Signing off , this was principal Conrad . Congratulations graduates ! "
Not again.
You hated being tied with anyone let alone tied with Yeosang. You were raging with fury at how ridiculous this scenario is. Yeosang's dad bribed the principal so that his son could be valedictorian. Meanwhile , You worked your butt off this year and all the years before and he just goes and bribes the principal ?
"God, life's unfair." you thought out loud, heading to your locker to clean it out.
"i know right."Your best friend ,yunjin, mumbled beside you "that's why i'm glad to be graduating " yunjin said as she sighed.
You both said your goodbyes to each other and you rushed to the front of the school , since your mom was picking you up .
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*. **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
The trip back to school was full of silence as you scrolled mindlessly through your phone.
Once your mom parked the car you hurried to the front door and opened it , heading towards your room before anyone could ask you how your day went.
you closed the door and plopped onto your bed , deciding to call it a night early ,since you had too much on your mind and so little energy to think. You closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep , Knowing that tomorrow, all this suffering would end and you'd officially have to get a real job.
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*. **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
A/N: Hi everyone! hope you enjoyed this and a new chapter will (hopefully) be released within 4 weeks ! Also, this took me multiple days to write and it took you minutes to read so please remember to reblog this, since tumblr works on a system of reblogs ,not likes !!!
ily and stay safe everyone! make sure to keep hydrated and eat all your meals , stay healthy , BYE !!
Taglist (for this series only , comment if you wanna be added): @nstarqueen
#ateez#Ateez fluff#Ateez angst#Ateez smut#Ateez yeosang#Ateez yeosang fluff#Ateez yeosang angst#Ateez yeosang smut#Yeosang x reader#ateez fanfic#Yeosang fanfic#kpop imagines#Kpop bg#Kpop fluff#Kpop bg smut#Kpop bg fluff#kpop bg angst#Yeosang fluff#yeosang angst#Yeosang smut#Ateez#Ateez fic#Ateez reaction#Ateez imagine#Enemies to lovers#Academic rivals#witch!reader#Harry potter
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