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halfbakedideas · 3 months ago

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idiot pancake: narrowly avoided

The Doctor nearly gets run over while crossing the road.

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inspired by this post by @whatsfourteenupto.

crossing the road while being distracted by a phone like that is such me behaviour i died.

fourteen felt really off so this one took ages to finish. the other ones should be quicker.

--x--x--x--

The first mistake was The Doctor getting a phone. Okay, correction: a smartphone; because he did already have a phone, a flip phone. But now they had a smartphone too after a confusingly complicated series of events involving him, Rose, a bowl of pasta, and a TARDIS trip to 18th-century Italy that totally didn’t happen. It was a mistake because it made for moments like this one.

The Doctor had accompanied Shaun on his taxi routes today and the two of them had stopped for lunch. They had just finished and were heading back, having to cross the road to get back to Shaun’s taxi.

“Hey!” he reached out and snagged The Doctor’s arm, dragging them back to the curb, narrowly out of the way of another taxi that went screaming past them. “Watch out!”

His phone nearly went tumbling to the ground with how abruptly they were yanked backwards but he grabbed it just before it could.

“Oh. Thanks, Shaun,” they thanked, looking up and down the road.

“No problem. But don’t just cross whenever you want like that, otherwise I’ll have to scrape a skinny alien pancake off of the road to bring back to Donna and I really don’t want to have to face her wrath,” he told him.

They both laughed at that — Donna’s wrath was not something you wanted to be on the receiving end of.

“What are you even doing on that?” Shaun asked as The Doctor pocketed his phone. “And please don’t say negotiations with soup aliens or buying something from space Amazon,”

A delivery truck trundled past.

“Nah, Kerblam got shut down years ago. And Soupimals have already had their negotiations for this century, which are done on flip phones, not iPhones — how do you know about those?”

Shaun frowned, choosing not to comment on whatever ‘Kerblam’ was. “I don’t? Wait — are you being serious, soup alien negotiations are a real thing?”

The traffic finally let up enough for the two of them to cross the road. They got back in the taxi.

“Yes, they are. I mediated one once — I didn’t miss having short hair more than when I was picking out dried soup,”

For the second time in less than ten minutes, Shaun pointedly didn’t think about something. This one being the very obviously implied soup food fight with aliens that, unless he was wrong, were made of soup…

“What were you doing on your phone earlier?” he asked again, instead.

“Oh, I was texting myself — older self? Bigeneration? The one who’s just dealt with a spaceship full of babies,”

Of all of the things Shaun expected, their actual answer was really tame. But also: what.

“So, he’s got a phone too?”

“Fairly sure it’s the same one as this,” They pulled out their phone and held it up.

“…That shouldn’t be possible,”

The Doctor shrugged. “If the sonic can make phones connect across time and space, then it can make it so that the same one can communicate with itself in the past,”

He had a point, there.

“Next time,” Shaun started as he pulled the taxi out from the parking spot. “Don’t text and cross the road, if you get pancaked, Donna will slap me,”

“She’d do a lot worse than slap you,” The two of them chuckled at the very clear, and very likely, mental image.

#doctor who #whats fourteen up to #14th doctor #fourteenth doctor #shaun noble #doctor who fanfiction #hbi fics #fanfiction

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ask-de-writer · 4 years ago

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SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : Part 79 of 83 : World of Sea

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

Part 79 of 83

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

written 2007

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

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Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information remains intact. They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story? Read from the beginning. PART 1 is here

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“I recognize these things,” said Sarfin after examining the parchments. “Captain Barad pestered me for them for three or four Gatherings. I finally arranged for him to get them just to get him to stop.”

Captain Urson had gone white knuckled and seemed to want to be anywhere but where she was.

“If your Honor will look carefully at the Log transcript and at the Official fleet record,” said Kurin quietly, “the last conspirator will be obvious.”

Sarfin looked and then looked again. Appalled, he said, “But this is a woman! You can’t be serious! Didn’t the victim of this plot die?”

“I am very serious,” replied Kurin gravely. “Darkistry Colm Grandalor lived, though it was a near thing. This is Doctor Corin’s report on her condition and treatment.” She handed over yet another set of parchments.

“Why would anyone do such a thing?” asked Sarfin, more than a little sick at what he was reading.

“Jealousy,” said Kurin succinctly.

“Are you sure? This was quite some time ago,” said Sarfin seriously.

“I’m certain of it. You know my memory. I have long been friends with Master Rikard Mon Mordan, inventor of the Mordan Twist. The Mordan makes the finest rope and cordage in the fleet because of his innovation.

“He has told me, without names, the story as he knew it. He was in love and courted for two Gatherings a beautiful deck-hand from the Grinna. Then, one of the Grinna’s highest officers began to interrupt their meetings and actually ordered his lady to absent herself. This officer bluntly proposed that he ‘forget that rigging rat’ and marry someone with real prospects, specifically herself. Master Rikard turned her down flat and told her that he pitied any man who did marry her.

“Shortly after that, his lady was put off the Grinna for violation of the Marriage Laws by seduction. He believed that she had drowned and never courted nor married any other.”

Sarfin rubbed his temples and leaned his head into his hands. “Kurin, this is very serious. I know that Barad collected much of this case Gatherings ago. Is this some vendetta of his? Why did he never act on it before now?”

Kurin smiled a sad little sideways smile and replied, “Because Barad knew he could not get justice for Darkistry simply because he was Barad, Captain of the Grandalor. He did all that he could do and hoped for a fair venue in which to present the case someday. I think that the day is here.”

Sarfin pulled out a large sheaf of parchments and folded tallow-slates of his own. He added some of Kurin’s to it. “It may surprise you to learn that I started looking into this same matter when Barad got those copies of fleet archives. Lady Tanlin also brought the matter to my attention. The case that I was able to assemble remained incomplete. I lacked both a motive for the crime and some key witnesses. I know that Master Rikard will testify. Will Darkistry? If she will, then the case is now ready to go forward.”

“Oi’m beginnin’ t’ see wye t’ey call ye t’e Wise,” Tanlin remarked. “Oi know t’at Darkistry’ll be willin’ t’ testify. She’s in ‘er ‘ammock now, night wotches, ye know.”

Darkistry’s familiar voice came from the crowd of onlookers, “Do you really think that I could sleep with both you and Barad on trial for your lives? Yes, your Honor, I’ll testify.”

When Captain Urson heard Darkistry’s voice, her hands clenched so tightly that her knuckles went white. She nearly slumped into her chair when Captain Sarfin next spoke. “Urson Allin Grinna, now known as Urson Allin Marganser, stand and face the Court,” he said sadly.

She stood and said desperately, “May I remind your Honor that I am an official Council witness to the trial of the Grandalor?”

“You may still serve in that capacity. Your report will be made before charges are brought against you, Acting Captain Kotance Warn Grinna and Captain Skua Calin Fauline, once known as Skua Calin Grinna.

“So that you may begin to prepare your defense, I have drawn up a list of the charges to be preferred against you and the other surviving conspirators.” He proffered a parchment to Captain Urson. “For those interested, the charges are: conspiracy to violate the Marriage Laws, rape in violation of the Marriage Laws, Conspiracy to conceal a capital crime from the Council, Falsification of Council documents, violation of the Second Great Law and attempted murder.”

Urson turned savagely on Kurin, pulling back a heavy arm to strike her in the face. She never completed the move. Two large, powerful Wide Wings, and three young ones, barely fletched, all slammed into her with razor sharp beaks and talons. The unchecked power of their dive from the nest atop the Grandalor’s mainmast drove Captain Urson from her feet. Tanlin and Kurin were both into the melee nearly instantly. They grabbed Urson’s flailing arms and held her still until the birds could get free of her.

Skye, Thunderhead and one of the young birds fluttered over to Kurin’s table and landed where they could keep vigilant eyes on Captain Urson. The other two young birds flew back up to the nest.

The whole audience except for the Great Sea Dragons were shocked at the usually quiet and never violent Kurin leaping to the attack along with the Sea Hawks and Tanlin. The Dragons regarded the tableau in front of them, nodded to each other and said softly but loud enough to be heard by Kurin and some others, “You were right, Dari. They really are rookery flock.” Dari just looked pleased.

Tanlin grinned humorlessly and said, “T’is’s wye naebody’s ever tamed a Wide Wing, Captain Urson. Rookery flock defends ‘ts ane.

“Ye’re goin’ t’ need medical attention. Donnae look t’ Doctor Corin. Nae only did ye attack ane o’ our folk, Doctor Corin put Darkistry bock toget’er after ye an’ yer bullies were dune wit’ ‘er. ‘E does nae like ye.”

Sula looked with curiosity at the armbar hold that Tanlin was using to immobilize Urson. She said, “I think that you can let her go now, Captain. My Doctor Worran will look after Captain Urson’s injuries.

“Where did you learn that move, Tanlin? It’s a trick I’ve never seen before. Could be useful to know.”

Suddenly interested, Tanlin looked up at Sula and as she eased off her hold, replied, “Tis an old Arrakan combat sport. Called Jitsu. Some claim t’at ‘t wa’ brought by t’e First Men across t’e Dark Sea. Donnae know i’ t’at’s true or nae but t’e sport’s at least as old as t’e fleet.”

Sula smiled, “We must have a long discussion about this Jitsu when this is over.”

“Oi’d like t’at,” said Tanlin warmly. “Oi’m afraid t’at Kurin isnae dune yet, t’ough. T’ere’s still an issue or two t’at need resolution.”

As Kurin seated herself behind her table, the young Wide Wing climbed up her arm and settled on her shoulder, claws putting small rips in the fabric of her shirt. As the bird settled himself, Kurin chucked him under the beak and said softly, as if the bird could understand her, “Thanks, High Cloud.”

She held up her hands again. When Sarfin recognized her, Kurin stood and spoke briefly and to the point. “The next matter to be brought up is a criminal charge of willful violation of the Second Great Law. The entire Captain’s Council did this and could, by fleet Law, all be stripped of their Masters Certificates.

“The Grandalor does not ask so much. That you are here and carry the proxies that you do, says much for the good qualities of my fleet. A fine against the Naral fleet equal to the total of all fines and assessments against the Grandalor, except for the amount owed to the fleet in the loan already ceded, would answer the issue nicely.”

Sarfin looked as though he had just bitten into a sour seaweed salad. “You’d press it if necessary, wouldn’t you, Kurin?”

Kurin actually looked sad, “Unfortunately, your Honor, I would have to. I don’t want to.”

Sarfin smiled a sideways smile of his own and replied, “The Council will stipulate guilt in the case and accept the proposed fine. It’s surprisingly light. Why didn’t you try to get Barad’s Master’s Certificate back as part of the bargain?”

“Your Honor, I completely agreed with your decision in the matter. He has done some improper things and the punishment was both limited and appropriate.”

Kurin looked as if she were ready to cry as she held up her hands for the next thing that she had to deal with. Sarfin recognized her again and she took the space between the tables. Striding back and forth and nervously twisting her white hair, and being preened comfortingly about the ear by the young High Cloud still perched on her shoulder. She said, “For me, this is the hardest part of what must be done. The charges are against my own home ship, the Longin.”

TO BE CONTINUED

<==PREVIOUS NEXT==>

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#SEA DRAGON’S GIFT #Part 79 of 83 #World of Sea #Written by De Writer

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bhfineart · 6 years ago

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Outstanding Auction Record for Ian Fairweather at Deutscher + Hackett

Rarely has the Cell Block Theatre at the National Art School seen so many art industry personalities, insiders and habitués as at the Deutscher + Hackett’s fine art auction on 10 April 2019. Many would have been there to observe how Charles Blackman’s Alice on the Table (lot 9) fared, after the artist’s Sleeping Alice offered just the previous night at Sotheby’s did not awaken. With hopes of $1.5 to $2 million, Alice on the Table sold for $1.35 million hammer price or $1.647 million including buyer’s premium - not exactly flying, but respectably standing up for herself. In the event, auction records were set for Bronwyn Oliver’s Unity (lot 2) with $330,000 hp and Ian Fairweather’s Barbecue (lot 23) selling for $1.4 million hp. The sale achieved a total of $9.008 million IBP, with 100% sold by value and 87 % sold by volume.

[caption id="attachment_5736" align="alignleft" width="300"] Lot 23, Ian Fairweather, Barbecue, set a spectacular auction record for the artist: estimated at $800,000 to $1.2 million, it sold to a room bidder for $1.4 million hammer price.[/caption]

Continuing on from the night before at Sotheby’s with two extraordinary results and auction records for two interior scene woodblocks selling for $201,000 and $260,000 IBP, Cressida Campbell expanded her commanding presence on the Australian art market at Deutscher + Hackett – and perhaps suitably at the National Art School, as this is where the artist graduated from in 1979 and where she developed her unique print making techniques. These new game changing results that practically doubled her prices overnight are highly likely to affect the primary market and will no doubt be watched closely by Campbell’s primary dealers Philip Bacon in Brisbane and international dealer Simon Lee with galleries in London, New York and Hong Kong, and will surely have a lasting effect on her prices and standing.

Speaking of commanding presence: Campbell’s The Ebro, Gore Bay, 1987 (lot 1) is a striking early example of her genius, rich in colour. Unsurprisingly, its $40,000-60,000 estimates were looking rather tame compared to the $80,000 hammer price, whilst even a large edition screenprint of 99 The Verandah also from 1987 (lot 81) sold for $12,000 hp, doubling the low estimate of $6,000-9,000, aptly illustrating auctioneer Scott Livesey’s comment on Cressida Campbell being “The Talk of the Town”.

Sadly, Bronwyn Oliver is no longer with us, but we are at least fortunate that the legacy of her art is so exceptional. It is however exceptionally rare. Unity, 2001 (lot 2) was sold by Deutscher + Hackett previously almost ten years ago in 2010 for $110,000 hp. The rise in value has also been considerable for these major works. A most comparable sculpture slightly smaller in diameter, Blaze, 2003, was sold also by Deutscher + Hackett in May 2017, achieving the second highest price at auction of $240,000 hp. However, the re-emergence of such an important and scarce work by Oliver was enough to excite buyers leaving the expectations of $200,000-250,000 well behind, finally selling for $330,000 hp, a new auction record for Bronwyn Oliver.

Leading the way into a number of abstract compositions by various artists was Rosalie Gascoigne’s Honey Flow, 1985 (lot 3). The vertical wood arrangement perhaps discouraged some buyers, and it sold for $100,000 hp, below its $120,000-160,000 estimates.

A particular favourite of D+H director Damian Hackett, Ralph Balson’s dreamy Matter Painting, 1962 (lot 4), was strongly bid, selling for $34,000 hp and above the high hope of $30,000. Following this abstract theme, Godfrey Miller’s similarly dated Crucifixion, 1961-64 (lot 5), achieved a handsome $85,000 hp on expectations of $60,000-80,000.

Rocking through those glorious 1960s, while Yvonne Audette’s Conversations between the Stars, 1964 (lot 6) didn’t light up the heavens, it still sold at the low estimate for $70,000 hp, the fourth highest price for the artist at auction. The last of this little run of delightful abstract paintings elicited considerable interest. Dale Frank’s Jeremy Huguenot, 2000 (lot 7) doubled its low estimate of $25,000, selling for $50,000 hp, suggesting a number of potential buyers had already picked out the perfect spot for it in their home.

The much talked about UK collection of paintings containing lots 9 to 20 included the ultimate trophy picture Alice on the Table, 1956 (lot 9), from Charles Blackman’s iconic and ground breaking Alice in Wonderland series of paintings. It sold below its low $1.5 million estimate, but nonetheless for a very lofty $1.35 million, placing the work firmly as the third highest price ever paid for a painting by Charles Blackman, behind Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, 1956, sold by Sotheby’s in 2017 for $1.55 million hp and The Game of Chess, 1945, sold in 2016 also by Sotheby’s for 1.475 million hp.

The surprise non-sale of the evening would have to be Justin O’Brien’s serene Two Figures in a Room, 1990 – 1993 (lot 10), from the same important UK collection. With what appeared to be very enticing estimates starting at $150,000, it failed to excite any bidding enthusiasm and passed in.

There was more interest for Arthur Boyd’s The Old Mine, 1951 (lot 11): this painting with its rich detail and ethereal glow had been off market for 25 years after selling with Sotheby’s in April 1995 for $140,000 hp. Last night it sold for a healthy $350,000 on hopes of $350,000-500,000,

William Strutt’s Slack Times, 1883 (lot 13) achieved the highest price at auction for the artist when sold at Menzies in April 1998 of $170,000 hp. As we know, art goes up and art goes down, and changes in taste no doubt affect a painting of this kind. Victorian sentimentalist art like the one offered would be a difficult sell I imagine without a large reduction in price expectation. Estimated at $200,000-350,000 it failed to find a buyer on the night.

More joy was just around the corner however: whilst Fred Williams gouache paintings often feel undervalued in the market, there was no such reticence to pay a higher price, in fact the highest price for a work on paper by this master of the Australian landscape. Lysterfield, c1968 (lot 24) was estimated at a modest if not unexpected $45,000-65,000 which fired the interest of several keen bidders. After much deliberation from phone bidders, auctioneer Roger McIlroy finally hammered it down for $87,000 hp, while the following lot Australian Landscape, 1969 (lot 25), a major oil by Fred Wiliams, sought to meet buyer expectations rather than the vendor’s, selling for $440,000 hp on $500,000-650,000 hopes.

It was a similar tale for John Brack’s Four Pairs and a Single, 1971 (lot 26). The painting with Joseph Brown Gallery provenance sold at $75,000 below the low estimate of $550,000 for $475,000, perhaps enabling the buyer to purchase another picture with their savings. They could have secured David Boyd’s Truganini – The Drowning of her Betrothed, 1959 (lot 28) had they wished, as it sold for $68,000 hp, just below expectations of $70,000-90,000.

There is inevitably great joy in consigning pictures for sale at $1 million plus for a fine art auctioneer. Consigning two therefore would be double the joy. On the downside, if neither sell, it potentially leaves a very big hole in your sale results and your bottom line too no doubt. Million dollar plus painting number 1, Blackman’s Alice on the Table (lot 9) successfully made it, but what of lot 23? Would the monumental masterpiece Barbecue, 1963 by Ian Fairweather (lot 23) run out of gas before it reached the magical million dollar mark? Estimated at $800,000 to $1.2 million, this was in line with Gethsemane, 1958, the painting de-accessioned from the Art Gallery of NSW collection in 2010, and sold with Deutscher + Hackett for $800,000 hp. Hopes were high that Barbecue, an equally if not more spectacular work, would eclipse this result.

After an absentee bid of $750,000 got things moving, it was Damian Hackett’s phone against a gentleman in the room on the phone to his client. Bidding was orderly and consistent between these two very serious bidders, the magic million dollar achieved by the gent in the room. Mr Hackett’s bidder was quick to come back with his own $50,000 increment bid, and so it went $1.1 million / 1.15 million until the calm, cool and collected room bidder ultimately triumphed over Hackett securing the ultimate prize and what could only be considered as an outstanding result for the vendor of this painting selling for $1.4 million hp, a truly ground breaking new auction record for this much lauded artist.

The other Ian Fairweather offered on the night, Sea Anemones, 1957 (lot 32), from the Kerry Hill AC collection, Singapore, also did well: estimated at $200,000-250,000, it sold comfortably mid-range for $230,000 hp.

The vibrant and engaging Autumn Hillside, Heidelberg, c1900 (lot 37) by Emanuel Phillips Fox sold below its low estimate of $30,000 for $28,000 hp. Not so for the next lot, his wife’s Ethel Carrick Fox’ Flower Market, Nice, c1926 (lot 38): it attracted numerous bids and achieved a very nice $55,000 hp.

On the back of the fabulous John Peter Russell exhibition at the Art Gallery of New South Wales, Rocher au Chien, Clos Marin, Belle-Ile, 1897 (lot 39), was a gift from the artist and was somewhat of a gift to the buyer too. It went to a room bidder for $320,000, $20,000 above its low estimate.

A stunning still life painting with fruit and flowers by Hans Heysen (lot 42) - famously rejected by Anna Pavlova in prima donna fashion by letter in June 1928 – was embraced by its new owner last night. Estimated at $65,000-85,000, the high point of expectations was just enough to secure this major work.

The luminescent Yarra Sunset, c1930 (lot 43) by Clarice Beckett hit the right note with buyers, selling exactly on its low estimate hopes.

Mortimer Menpes’ Archer, c1897 (lot 63) was aiming high: bidding was furious and the $15,000-20,000 estimates were overshot very quickly, with the room bidder finally giving way to the persistent phone bidder who ultimately paid $60,000 hp, three times the high estimate.

Demand for the best works by Ben Quilty at auction is consistently high. Although modest in size at 21 x 21 cm, The Dead Pirate, 2005 (lot 75), a gift from Quilty to deceased artist Adam Cullen, garnered large interest, as this pirate sailed way above the high estimate of $15,000, finally becalmed at $24,000 hp.

Guy Boyd’s bronze sculptures rarely surpass $10,000 at auction, and given the $5,000-7,000 estimate on Lovers Changing into a Tree, c1969 (lot 94), the auctioneer thought them appropriate. Bidders however had a different view, and as one dogged room bidder found out, he at least had the vocal support of the audience who were on his side when he missed out on this exquisite example of Boyd’s work at $21,000 hp, the third highest price for a Guy Boyd sculpture at auction.

The original article by David Hulme and Brigitte Banziger appeared in Australian Art Sales Digest, 11 April 2019.

Sale referenced: Important Australian and International Fine Art, Deutscher + Hackett, Sydney, 10 April 2019

The following article Outstanding Auction Record for Ian Fairweather at Deutscher + Hackett was first seen on: BH Fine Art

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erickmalpicaflores · 6 years ago

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Erik Malpica Flores Erik Malpica Flores recommends: What’s The Opposite of Lit(t)?

Photo by: Ian Watson/USA Network

When SUITS last left the team at [Insert Firm Name Here], it was time for the latest in a long series of name-partner changes. This time, for lack of anyone left to hold the title, it was Louis Litt’s turn to take a stab at running the series’ central business. As anyone who has seen even a single episode could predict, Louis’ first day as the boss didn’t exactly run smoothly; and as a mid-season opener, “Rocky 8” was probably the opposite of what the youths would call “lit.”

The new boss. Remember when Robert Zane and Harvey Specter were bickering like toddlers, and Louis Litt was lit(t)erally the only lawyer left at the firm who was behaving in a mature manner? Well, enough of that character development. Louis prepared himself for his first day as managing partner by being ridiculously extra as he talked to himself in front of his own mirror. Then, when he was finished with psyching himself out, it was time to go parade his way through the halls of All The Names On The Wall, reaching up for denied high-fives and smacking random employees on the butt.

Because professional.

A little bit of strutting might have been expected for SUITS’ “comic relief” character, but 84 years of it, complete with inappropriate touching, wasn’t exactly the way to start season 8.5 off with a bang. And the blatantly unprofessional behavior, all for the sake of what amounts to a pre-pubescent boy’s idea of comedy, didn’t stop there. When Harvey’s case of the week inevitably went down a troublesome path and, at Robert’s insistence, Harvey approached Louis about the case…Well. This happened: “I intend to be the world’s best delegator. If I’m going to do that, there’s no way I can try to tame you. And what I definitely can’t do is put a saddle on you, much less try to ride you bareback.”

Har, har. Louis doesn’t understand that “ride you bareback” can be seen as sexual. All the comedy!

Even when Harvey expressed his discomfort with the metaphor, Louis just plowed right on with it. There was also a fair amount of arm-caressing, complete with a finishing “giddyup!” and slap on the ass. (Because we hadn’t seen enough of those. Just locker room behavior, I guess. Forget the increased focus on workplace harassment, especially in film, following the #MeToo movement…)

Even if that exchange was read for the intended humor, there was still the small matter of Louis being, at least initially, incapable of doing any managing. When one of his longtime clients needed assistance, he threw a tantrum, refusing to give the client up, even after Donna reminded him of his job duties.

By the end of the SUITS mid-season premiere, after a pretty big confrontation, in which Donna — rightfully — reminded Louis that she was the one who put him in the position of managing partner, Louis was finally ready to manage. After being given the case, then yanked off of it, Alex was able to help Louis’ client, Thomas Kessler, solve all of his problems; the Robert and Harvey situation was handled with a “genius” suggestion from Louis himself; and everyone lived happily ever after.

For now.

Remember when Harvey had no idea how to behave like a managing partner until Donna taught him? Yeah. Louis is no different. We love consistently substituting one character for another in a recycled plot!

“This is about handing Andrew Malik a big, fat public knockout.” On Louis’ first day as managing partner, Harvey showed his respect for his frenemy-turned-boss by showing up late to work. But contrary to assumption, he didn’t oversleep after having nightmares about making Louis managing partner: He was busy researching his latest chance to go after his arch-nemesis, Andrew Malik.

Ostensibly, Harvey’s reason for going after Malik was that he wanted to get some justice for Jessica Pearson. Which, ok. We’ll believe that. But I’ve got a bridge to sell anyone who thinks it wasn’t, at least partially, about Harvey’s inability to handle the fact that the other man had beaten him — and on more than one occasion.

The case-of-the-week had to do with a boxer throwing a match, which left the SUITS writers plenty of opportunities to give Harvey sport-related dialogue. (No, no. Not the usual opportunities for Harvey to talk in sport-speak, extra ones!) There were also plenty of chances for Harvey to step into the ring in something other than his business suit, but alas. Those opportunities were missed.

Anyone who watches SUITS for the cases and is sorely missing the Harvey-Mike dynamic probably loved “Rocky 8.” The reason? New OTP, Robert Zane and Harvey Specter. Rarvey? Hobert? Zecter? Who cares what the name is: These guys are amazing together, even in an otherwise weak episode. All of that classic SUITS banter was back; and it was finally, finally time to see Wendell Pierce and Gabriel Macht working together for more than the half-second spurts that they seemed to share in the first ten episodes of the season. Take a guy out of the managing partner role, and he suddenly exists. Who knew?

Aside from Harvey’s complete lack of a soul when faced with the decision of whether or not to throw a guy with brain damage and a family to provide for under the bus, the latest round of Specter (and Zane!) vs. Malik was about as well done as could be expected. And when the job ended with an actual win for “our” side, it was the type of nice wrap-up that SUITS just usually doesn’t provide.

Sure, Malik’s parting words were a clear threat, just to let viewers know that we’d (obviously) see him again, but: “Tomorrow’s going to be what tomorrow’s going to be, Andy. But for today? Jessica Pearson sends her regards.”

We’ll take it.

Things we won’t take: Donna, what are you doing? Let’s try to keep this as brief as possible because SUITS is exhausting with the lack of follow-through or attention to its own canon details.

Thomas Kessler is a client at a firm at which Donna Paulsen is COO. But despite her “rules” about not shitting where she eats, she just couldn’t resist flirting with the guy and giving him a pet name: Stupid.

(Pretty sure she’s used that one on Harvey, too. Or was it Dummy? Something.)

Donna has broken this rule before, with disastrous results. Remember Stephen Huntley from that (awful) British invasion plot? Right.

So, to be clear: Twelve years of shameless flirting, putting themselves on the line for each other, and clearly being more than just secretary and boss meant nothing when it came to Harvey. Or, well. It meant enough to force the man into being what he hated most — unfaithful — before Donna said she felt nothing. And it meant enough for Harvey to end his first supposedly “real” relationship in, like, ever because he chose Donna over Paula.

…but the rules always applied to Darvey, whereas they don’t to Donna and Louis’ surprise longtime client, whom no one has ever heard of before now. There’s no history there, nothing to make this worth breaking a rule — much like Stephen wasn’t worth it. Though, to be fair, Stephen came around early enough in the series that he could’ve been used as either a stepping stone or a lesson learned, neither of which were actually the case — but hey, let’s have Thomas flirt with Donna and ask her out. Even when she says no because he’s a client, let’s have him promise to ask her one more time after she’s had a chance to “think” more. (Women love being pursued after they’ve turned a guy down, totally. Nailed it.) Because she, apparently, wasn’t thinking when she was trying to be professional.

Was there chemistry? Who knows? Quite frankly, why does anyone care 8.5 seasons in? Shoutout to Stu, who, like Harvey, has chemistry and an established history with Donna but will never be a thing with her.

And after a long-awaited, likely completely off-screen, girls’ night with Gretchen, Katrina, and Sam, Donna will make the decision to date Thomas. Because why not?

It’s not exactly as if either Donna or Harvey’s character development matters, when SUITS can constantly rewrite its own stories anyway.

But wait! There’s more!

“I want this firm to be the same as it ever was.” So, constantly on the verge of collapse? Always with the drama? Retelling the same story over and over again for 8 years? Cool!

“Have you met Samantha Wheeler? I’m not going to make an enemy out of her.” The mood.

“Robert, did you know there are 12 different synonyms for the word ‘incompetent?’” “And after he signs this, there’s going to be a thirteenth: Malik.” I ship it.

“With you overcoming the difficulties of being white, you must’ve thought you’d never make it.” “And you, having to deal with the struggles of being a man.” Meanwhile, Samantha had to overcome institutionalized misogyny, while Alex had to prove himself in spite of the color of his skin. But that’s none of my business.

“I will no longer be getting your coffee, getting your car washed, or trimming your neck hair.” Thankfully, it turns out that Gretchen was joking and has never done any of those things…which begs the question of why Donna was ever, especially as COO, expected to have coffee ready for Harvey.

Speaking of: “There’s this little thing called a kitchen. Just walk down the hall, past reception, and take a left at ‘I’ve never heated up your coffee, and I’m not about to start now.’” So, the mutual delivery of coffee was personal — or just seen however viewers wanted to see it. Noted.

“I know Jessica was your mentor, but she was also my friend.” Imagine getting to call Jessica Pearson your friend. Legends only, here.

“And for the record, my playbook is a lot deeper than just Samantha Wheeler.” “So, she did it for you then.” “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Samantha is to Robert as Donna is to literally everyone else. The end!

I counted at least two references to “co-ed bathrooms” as the biggest joke/worst thing ever. Your home bathrooms, Target’s family restrooms, Starbucks’ gender neutral bathrooms, and countless single-stall/single-sex toilets across the country say hi. Har, har. So funny, though.

Not a fan of pitting Samantha and Katrina against one another. Am a fan of Katrina figuring out who she wants to be as a lawyer (yet another lesson from Donna, of course) and, eventually, establishing herself amongst the other major players.

Big, big fan of a ladies’ night…whether we get to see it or not.

“Do I look like I don’t have nothing to do but to come and watch ROCKY VII with your lonely ass?” Darvey? I don’t know her. Rarvey (or whatever we’re callingn them) is where it’s at.

Don’t miss the next all-new SUITS episode on Wednesday, January 30, at 10/9c on USA.

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ask-de-writer · 6 years ago

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SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : World of Sea : Part 79