#dongmin angst

[woonhakist]

linger

synopsis — being wrapped around dongmin’s finger had a price, one you never thought you’d have to pay.

pairing — situationship!han dongmin x gn!reader

genre — angst

warnings — cheating-ish, taesan is a jerk, reader is somewhat ‘blinded by love’ (until they aren’t)

word count — 2.2k

notes — this was inspired by linger by the cranberries ! hope you guys enjoy <3 (i also listened to all too well 10 min version a majority of the time i wrote this so thats also a half-decent alternative)

the magnetic force that pulled you towards dongmin was inexplicable. there was something that both your heart and mind couldn’t resist—something that made him so alluring. it was as if all of the desire in the world was concentrated within the cells of his skin; even a mere brush against him harnessed the ability to spread his beautiful poison.

akin to most others, you couldn’t resist the temptation of beauty, even if it was tainted. once you’d pricked your finger on the venomous spindle, you fell into an everlasting slumber; one that took on the form of han dongmin.

your days resembled a night’s dream by virtue of dongmin’s new presence in your life. his aura exuded tranquility, and it seeped into your own. still moments were common with him, which led you to what you felt was a well-needed state of peace. you had thought that he symbolized what was constantly missing from your life: grounding.

in your eyes, he was nothing short of shade that shielded you from the blistering heat of a summer day. he reeled you back in when you’d float too high, forbidding you from suffocating in the fog of the clouds. he protected you from your own flame, preventing it from growing too big. he had provided a piece of himself that you never had yourself.

although he completed your puzzle, you had not the slightest idea of if you completed his. while all of your barriers were broken, his were built with the strongest steel. beyond the shield of his smile was something you couldn’t fathom, something out of your bounds.

even if the unknown tore you apart, everything within your reach was more than enough. he’d always put you back together with the kiss of his lips, and keep you whole with the intertwining of his fingers with yours. ignorance had brought you bliss, serving it to you on a gold-plated platter.

for all of everything intimate about you and dongmin, there wasn’t a label that you could plaster onto the two of you. there was nothing stronger than ‘we’ or ‘us’ that could define you. you teetered between ‘something’ and ‘nothing’, and you hoped for nothing more than to be something.

something was a craving that you couldn’t satisfy. something kept you up at night, and it occupied every one of your dreams, whether it be under the sun or moon. something was what carried you to the same park you and dongmin had met at, strolling in your lonesome on the same rock path two seasons later.

you were there in early spring, minutes before you and dongmin had met. you were walking through the path for a much different reason then, unaware of the meaning it’d hold months later.

you had found a wooden bench, putting your walk on pause as you sat down. you listened to the sounds of spring; the songs of birds, the march breeze, the families enjoying the day, and the crunch of the rocks becoming louder as someone had made their way towards you.

the moment you had turned your head to look was when your whole world shifted without you knowing. it was then that dongmin had made his very first appearance out of many in your life, and flashed you a very first smile in the same manner.

now, more than half a year later, it was you who was smiling at the memory. you stared down at the rock path, now covered in the warm autumn leaves. the sound of the crunch beneath your feet was different, each step leaving behind crushed leaves instead of dirtied rocks. everything had changed over the seasons, but the picture-perfect visual had stayed the same.

as you neared the bench you held close to your heart, your spirits lowered as you spotted a couple seated on it. they had their hands entwined, and you could hear them laughing together. you felt an envious pang in your chest, wanting nothing more than to be there with dongmin.

your steps became lighter, the couple’s conversation gradually becoming clearer. your face grew pale as you slowly came to a horrifying realization: you could recognize the boy’s voice anywhere—it was the same voice that belonged to the same boy you were there because of, the same voice that charmed you on that same bench months ago.

even with your silent begs for it to not be true, your heart dropped as his face came into view. dongmin was there, sat on the very bench your story had begun on, but with another girl; one that wasn’t—and would never be—you.

in that moment, your whole world shifted again, but you could feel it this time. you could feel your heart get crushed in the same way the leaves did, and you could feel your whole body go cold in the same way the autumn air was.

you felt heavy, heavy in a way that weighed you down both mentally and physically. your sorrow surpassed your feelings of envy by tenfold, and your feet felt too sunken into the ground to move. you weren’t nearly strong enough to, yet you were forced to carry the sudden baggage of everything that their simple gesture held.

that simple gesture that held the whole universe to you was so easily thrown out the window. what you knew now broke you, and what used to keep you whole was the culprit. knowledge brought you grief, serving it to you on a rusted platter.

too close to turn back and mind too clouded to think straight, you brought yourself up to dongmin. in the same way you had turned to him in spring, he turned to you now, expression unreadable.

everything felt all too familiar, and it scared you. it felt like a sick, twisted repeat of your meeting in march, and you didn’t know what you did to deserve it. you swore that you didn’t do anything to hurt him, yet he walked all over you as if you were the rock path.

“dongmin?” the vulnerability in your voice was clear, but his expression wasn’t.

dongmin sighed, and looked at the girl next to him. she was perplexed but compliant when dongmin slipped his hand out of hers, standing up. “i’ll be right back.”

as soon as he stood, he signaled you to follow him before walking off. you quickly began to trudge after him, guilt rising inside of you. you fiddled with your fingers, now regretting your confrontation.

dongmin led you far enough to where the bench was still in sight, but the abandoned girl wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation. as soon as he stopped, he turned to you, expression blank.

“what?” he stared you down, running a hand through his hair. when you didn’t say anything, he crossed his arms. “what’s the problem?”

you were just as dumbfounded as that girl; you thought it was clear as day why you were upset. “why—why were you holding her hand?”

he deadpanned. “i still don’t get it. why is that a problem?” his voice was painfully monotone, and for the first time, there was nothing beyond the surface.

he wasn’t upset with you, and that only pained you more. he didn’t care one bit, and that displayed just how little everything meant to him. even if he didn’t give it a second thought, you were still in so deep. even now, all you wanted was to be with him.

“because we’re a thing! we’re—” you stopped yourself short, realizing your mistake. you rewound to the sole reason you went to the park, the blood draining out of your face.

something; the one thing you never got from him. the one thing you endlessly longed for, but never came to fruition. your relationship with dongmin was the one bud that never blossomed back in spring, remaining dormant for months as if it were frozen in time.

the day you met dongmin was the closest to something you had ever gotten from him, and you were desperate to just feel as if you had it. you knew you’d never have it in your grasp, but even just the touch of your fingertips would be enough. instead of that, you were forced upon the truth; something that you never knew you’d face.

dongmin quirked an eyebrow. “we were never a thing,” he smiled at you, but it didn’t hold the same meaning it usually did. rather than comforting, it was mocking. for once, he resembled the dark surrounding the light; not the other way around.

all you could do was stand there, eyes slowly welling with tears. you hated that you were such a fool for him, almost as much as you hated how you were such a fool for the idea of being with him.

“god, don’t cry,” he sighed, throwing his head back lazily. “we’re nothing now, and we were nothing before. you never said it was a problem, so what do you even want?”

“you! i just want you!” your voice broke as your tears began to flow, emotions letting loose. “i always did, and i still do!”

“well, you have me—”

“obviously not, because if i did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now!” you were near yelling, but you couldn’t care less if people could hear. dongmin was the only problem you cared about, and you wanted to fight to solve him.

silence hung in the air, and everything felt frozen. the only thing that moved was dongmin’s chest, rising up then down while he breathed, each breath deeper than the last. even now, your moments with dongmin were still, except you felt all but at peace.

“this is insane—you’re insane,” dongmin breathed out, looking away so his face was against the breeze. “this seriously doesn’t matter, so get over it. talk to me when you’ve come to your senses.”

you and the silence broke all the same, rending further as he walked past you. his footsteps rang in your ears, and they were louder than anything you’ve ever heard. his departure was deafening, and your puddles of tears were blinding.

you felt suffocated, more by the loss of dongmin than the loss of your senses. he was everything to you, and you lost him over something. you were as upset at yourself as you were at him; you wondered how you could be so mindless. you thought nothing could go wrong, but in the end, everything did.

you didn’t know if anything was ever right in the first place. everything that felt off about dongmin gradually began to make sense, and the puzzle pieces reconfigured into a different picture, uglier than it’d ever been.

everything you couldn’t fathom about dongmin didn’t exist. every barrier he had built was translucent, and beyond it was nothing. every smile he gave you didn’t mean anything, since everything behind it was nothing. the previously unknown was nothing, because that was what you truly meant to him.

he ripped a chunk out of you that you’d never get back, leaving it to be nothing. nothing was what was left of your heart; what once beat was broken by the boy it thrived for. nothing would be a taunt; a constant reminder that that was what you were to dongmin all along.

in reality, he was nothing short of the one rain cloud on a perfectly sunny day. he cut your wings, forbidding you from leaving the ground he cursed. he extinguished your flame, making it nearly impossible to reignite it. the piece of himself he provided to you before was now a parasite, intoxicating you from the inside out.

even in your sorrow-drunk daze, you knew that you had woken up from the dream that was too good to be. you escaped the everlasting slumber, and the spell was finally broken. although, your cure wasn’t a fairytale’s true love’s kiss; it was something of the opposite nature.

dongmin’s ‘beautiful’ poison had finally caught up to you, and it was less pretty than you’d thought it was. even so, you still couldn’t resist the temptation, even if he was irreversibly tainted. you wished for just one more look at your nightmare disguised as a daydream, so you made it come true.

you turned around, and your tear-blurred eyes trained on dongmin like it was a second nature. as if it were a third, you focused on his hand, intertwined with another. you didn’t have to question who it was, as the answer came as a fourth. you could almost ignore the feeling of your heart break at the thought, as it’d broken enough times for it to be a first nature.

you felt all but wanted, and in its place was the burning pain of feeling used. beyond your pain was everything that you couldn’t get rid of, including dongmin’s strong presence in your heart. you were still wrapped around his finger, despite the scars you’d always have to carry because of him. you knew that—even though there was nothing left—something would always linger.

© woonhakist 2023

[serejae]

SOMETHING HAPPENS AND IM HEAD OVER HEELS | H.TAESAN

pairing : taesan x reader

genre : fluff

what ! : grumpy bf text with taesan

a/n : oh were so back, THE PRETTY LAYOUT IS BACK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND NONBINARY (based off this anon :)

@onedoornet @miidorei @sol3chu @loserlvrss

[lxvsiick]

THE STARS ARE ALL ASLEEP | HAN TAESAN X READER

PAIRING: idol! han taesan x non!idol! fem! reader

SUMMARY: The loss and regret Taesan feels, trying to hold on to the memories of Y/n despite the pain

GENRE: angst, breakup, taesan is kinda an ass, imagine, short story

WORDCOUNT: 5.9k

A/N: ngl, did i procrastinate during my lecture to write this? yes . . . i wrote this after listening to 星星都睡了 by PPlin x Zhen Li -- I'm basically giving you guys song reccs to listen to -- the song is really good!... enjoy the story!

★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆

I can take care of myself, you don’t need to keep worrying about me.

I don’t smile anymore.

The clock on the wall ticked away the late hours of the evening as Y/n sat curled up on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her, staring blankly at the TV. She wasn’t really watching, her mind too preoccupied with the events of the day. Work had been a disaster. Her boss had been harsher than usual, throwing out unreasonable demands and critiques that left her feeling drained and upset.

She sighed, glancing at her phone. No messages from Taesan. It wasn’t unusual—he was busy, always on the go with rehearsals, interviews, and performances. Being a famous idol meant long hours and even longer nights. Still, they shared this apartment, and she always tried to stay awake to talk to him when he came home.

Her heart lifted slightly when she heard the soft jingle of keys at the door. The lock clicked, and Taesan stepped inside, his hood pulled low over his face, slumping with exhaustion as he kicked off his shoes. He barely glanced in her direction as he made his way into the living room.

She straightened up on the couch, hoping for just a moment of his attention. “Hey, you’re home,” she greeted softly, forcing a small smile. “How was your day?”

“Long,” he muttered, not meeting her eyes as he walked past, heading straight for the kitchen to grab a drink. His tone was flat, his movements sluggish.

Y/n watched him, her heart sinking. “I had the worst day today,” she said, trying again to start a conversation. “My boss was being such a—”

“Not now,” he interrupted, his voice edged with weariness as he leaned against the counter, rubbing his temples. “I’m tired. I don’t want to talk.”

She froze, the words hanging in the air between them, heavier than she expected. She had been waiting all day to tell him about what happened, hoping he would listen, hoping she could find some comfort in his presence. But his dismissal felt like a slap to the face.

Her throat tightened as she swallowed her emotions. “Oh,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Okay.”

The silence stretched out uncomfortably as Taesan took a sip of his drink, still not looking at her. She tried to keep her disappointment from showing, but it was too late. The lump in her throat made it hard to speak, and the weight of the day, combined with his coldness, felt suffocating.

She stood up quietly, wrapping her arms around herself as if to shield against the sudden chill between them. “I’ll... leave you alone, then,” she murmured, backing away toward the bedroom. She didn’t wait for his response. He didn’t offer one.

As she turned, her steps slow and deliberate, her heart ached. This wasn’t how she imagined the night going. She had wanted to vent, to share her frustrations with the one person who mattered most to her. But now, she felt more alone than she had all day.

When she closed the bedroom door behind her, the click sounded louder than usual in the quiet apartment. She sat on the edge of the bed, staring at her hands, wondering if he even noticed how much she needed him right now.

Back in the living room, Taesan let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes as the weight of the day pressed down on him. He hadn’t meant to be so cold, but he was just too tired. Too tired to think, to listen, to be anything but worn out.

But in the silence that followed, something gnawed at him—a faint sense of guilt that he couldn’t quite shake, knowing she had wanted to talk, knowing she had needed him.

And he hadn’t been there.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

I don’t want to think about you all the time.

We tried our hardest to hurt everything between us, and now it’s impossible to repair.

The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm, orange glow over the city streets. Y/n sat on the bench at the bus stop, nervously checking her phone for what felt like the hundredth time. Her heart was filled with a mixture of excitement and impatience—today was supposed to be special. Their anniversary.

Taesan had promised to take her on a date after his interview, a rare moment in their hectic lives where they could celebrate together. She’d dressed up, her heart racing with anticipation, hoping for some time alone with him. But now, as the minutes dragged on, she couldn’t help but feel the growing sense of unease.

She scrolled through her phone again, the unanswered messages staring back at her: "Hey, interview over yet?" "Are you still coming?" "Let me know if you're running late."

No response. No calls. Nothing.

She sighed, biting her lip and glancing down the empty street. The buses came and went, passengers getting on and off, but there was still no sign of him. Her excitement slowly deflated into something more like dread.

A cold breeze picked up, and she pulled her jacket tighter around her. She couldn’t shake the feeling of being stood up, but that couldn’t be true, right? He wouldn’t just forget their anniversary. He wouldn’t break his promise to her.

In an attempt to distract herself, she opened her social media, scrolling absentmindedly through the feed. That’s when she saw it—a post from a fan page featuring Taesan and his group at some event. There he was, smiling and laughing with his bandmates, dressed in an outfit far too formal for just an interview.

Her heart sank. The caption beneath the photo read, "Surprise appearance at the event! BOYNEXTDOOR looking dashing as always."

She stared at the screen, the image of him so happy, so carefree. She felt a knot twist in her chest, anger and sadness mixing together. He wasn’t just late—he had gone somewhere else entirely, without even telling her. He had time for an event but not for their anniversary.

Her fingers hovered over the phone, wanting to call him again, but she knew it wouldn’t change anything. He wasn’t coming.

With a heavy sigh, she stood up, her heart feeling heavier than her feet as she trudged back toward their apartment. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, but she ignored it, knowing it wasn’t from him.

The walk back felt longer than usual, her mind replaying the excitement she’d felt that morning—how she’d looked forward to tonight, how she’d thought this anniversary would be a rare moment where they could be like any other couple. But instead, she was left alone, walking home in the dim light, her hands stuffed in her pockets to keep warm.

Finally, she reached the front door of their apartment building. Pausing for a moment, she glanced back at the empty street, a small part of her still hoping to see him running toward her, apologizing for being late. But the street remained empty, quiet, just like the unanswered messages on her phone.

With a deep breath, she entered the building and climbed the stairs to their apartment. As she unlocked the door and stepped inside, the stillness of the apartment felt colder than the air outside. No flowers, no candles, no sign that today was any different from any other day.

She sank onto the couch, staring blankly at the wall, the weight of disappointment settling in her chest like a stone. All she wanted was to be with him, to feel like she mattered, like they mattered. But tonight, she felt more alone than ever.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

You never cared about trying to get my forgiveness.

Don’t let us be covered in scars.

The apartment was quiet, save for the soft hum of the city outside. Y/n sat on the couch, her knees pulled to her chest, hugging a small black cat stuffed animal that Taesan had won for her on one of their early dates. Her eyes were red-rimmed, tears brimming but not falling. She stared blankly at her phone, an article open on the screen, the words blurring in front of her.

The jingle of keys at the door signaled his arrival. The door creaked open, and Taesan stepped in, exhaustion heavy in his posture. He looked worn from the day, his hair disheveled, still in his stage clothes. He let out a deep sigh as he kicked off his shoes, glancing toward her, not immediately noticing the tension in the air.

"Hey," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "I'm home."

Y/n didn’t respond, her gaze locked on him, her lips pressed into a thin line as she clutched the stuffed animal tighter. Her chest ached with the weight of everything unsaid.

He finally noticed her silence, his eyes narrowing in concern. "What’s wrong?" he asked, his voice more annoyed than gentle. He was too tired for this—whatever this was.

She didn’t speak at first, just held out her phone toward him, the screen illuminating her tear-filled eyes. He frowned, walking over to take it from her hand. When he looked at the screen, his expression immediately shifted.

It was a news article—another baseless rumor. His name splashed across the headline alongside another female idol, the two of them speculated to be in a relationship. There were photos from a backstage event, carefully cropped and captioned to imply intimacy where none existed.

He groaned, already dreading the conversation. "You’ve got to be kidding me," he muttered under his breath, tossing the phone onto the coffee table.

"Is this why you’re never around anymore?" Y/n finally spoke, her voice small but laced with hurt. Her eyes, shining with unshed tears, held a mixture of frustration, sadness, and fear. "Because of her?"

His jaw clenched, frustration quickly overtaking his fatigue. "What? No. It’s just a rumor," he snapped, throwing his hands up. "You really believe that crap? I told you not to pay attention to those things."

"But you’re never here anymore!" Her voice cracked as she stood up, still hugging the stuffed cat to her chest. "You’re always too busy, too tired, or too... distant. And then I see this and—" She broke off, shaking her head, tears spilling over now. "How am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to just ignore it when you’re gone all the time?"

"I’m working!" he fired back, the anger rising in his chest. "I’m busting my ass for this career, for us—but you’re here, worried about some stupid tabloid story? Where’s the trust?"

"Trust?" she repeated, incredulous. "How can I trust you when you don’t even talk to me anymore? When you don’t make time for me at all? Do you even care about this relationship?"

Her words cut deep, but his frustration was too overwhelming to process the hurt beneath them. "Of course I care! But you’re suffocating me with all these doubts. Every time I come home, it’s something like this. You worry too much."

"I worry because I care!" Her voice broke, raw with emotion. "Because I love you, and I feel like I’m losing you—like you’re slipping away and I can’t do anything about it."

The silence that followed was deafening. They stood there, staring at each other, both breathing heavily from the intensity of the argument.

Taesan rubbed his temples, his voice lowering but still tense. "This is ridiculous. It’s just a rumor. I’m tired, and I don’t want to do this right now."

"You never want to do this," she whispered, her voice barely audible. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, her chest heaving as she tried to control the sobs threatening to spill over. "Fine."

With a quiet, bitter laugh, she turned and walked toward their bedroom. "I’m done with this conversation. Go sleep at your dorm or wherever it is you’d rather be."

His eyes followed her as she disappeared down the hallway, her door closing softly behind her, though the emotional slam still reverberated through him.

He stood there for a long moment, his anger simmering down into guilt, exhaustion pulling at him from all sides. He didn’t want to fight, but it always seemed to end up this way. They always ended up like this—torn apart by his career, by misunderstandings, by everything he didn’t have time to fix.

With a heavy sigh, Taesan grabbed his jacket and keys, heading back toward the door. The silence of the apartment felt unbearable now.

As he stepped out into the cold night air, he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked toward his group’s dorm, his mind filled with everything left unsaid, wondering how they had come to this.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

When the stars in the sky all sleep, I feel so dark, my body feels inexplicably cold

The night air was heavy, thick with a silence that seemed to press down on everything. The small park near their apartment was a place once filled with memories—their late-night walks, quiet conversations, stolen moments—but now it felt distant, like something from another lifetime.

Taesan stood at the edge of the path, hands shoved deep into his pockets, his breath visible in the cool air. He hadn’t been back here in weeks, not since he’d started staying at his group’s dorm. It felt strange now, almost foreign.

His eyes shifted as he saw Y/n approaching slowly from the other side of the park. His heart clenched at the sight of her, though he couldn’t quite place why. She looked…different. Her face was pale, her eyes hollow, the dark bags beneath them evident even in the dim light. The spark, the warmth he always loved in her eyes, was gone. She looked like someone who had been carrying the weight of the world for too long.

She stopped a few steps away from him, the space between them feeling like a chasm.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, his voice quiet but carrying an edge of tension. He already had a sinking feeling in his chest, but he wasn’t ready to confront it.

Y/n looked at him for a long moment, her lips parting as if to speak, but no words came out at first. She shifted her weight, wrapping her arms around herself like she was trying to hold herself together.

"I’m tired," she finally said, her voice flat, void of emotion. "I’m tired of waiting for you. Of waiting for us to feel like it used to." Her eyes met his, and the emptiness in them hit him like a punch to the gut. "I can’t keep doing this."

His heart stuttered in his chest, but he didn’t say anything. He just stared at her, trying to process her words, hoping this wasn’t what he thought it was.

“I’m done,” she continued, her voice firmer this time, as if she had rehearsed these words over and over in her head before finally saying them. “I don’t want to have to keep waiting on you, waiting for something to change. I feel like I’m always waiting.”

The silence between them was unbearable now, but he couldn’t find the right words to say. His throat felt tight, like any response he tried to form would only come out broken.

She wasn’t crying—there were no tears. She wasn’t angry. Just…done. It made it worse somehow. He would’ve preferred her to scream at him, to be angry, to throw something, but this quiet resignation was shattering him in a way he hadn’t expected.

“You’re not the same,” she whispered, her voice barely audible but sharp enough to cut through the air between them. "I don’t recognize you anymore. And I know you’re tired too. Tired of me, of this... You don’t need to say it. I can see it every time you walk out the door and don’t come back until late or not at all."

He wanted to protest, to tell her she was wrong, that things could be different, but the words wouldn’t come. Maybe because a part of him knew she was right. He hadn’t been present—not really. His career had consumed him, and in the process, he had let her slip away. He let them slip away.

She let out a shaky breath, her eyes momentarily glancing down at the ground before meeting his gaze again. "I loved you," she said softly. "I still do, but I can’t keep holding onto something that’s already gone."

His chest tightened painfully, and he took a small step forward, as if to reach for her, but stopped himself. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t even know if he could.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, though it was unclear if she was apologizing to him or to herself.

And then, she turned around, her figure illuminated only by the faint glow of the park’s streetlights. She didn’t run. She didn’t storm off. She just walked away, her back to him, her shoulders slightly hunched as if the weight of everything was too much to bear.

He stood there, frozen in place, his heart breaking with every step she took. His mouth opened, but no words came out. He could only watch as she walked further and further away, her silhouette fading into the distance until she was nothing more than a distant memory in the night.

The cold settled into his bones, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t. He felt numb, like everything inside him had shattered and there was nothing left but the aching emptiness where she used to be. The night stretched on, and the only sound that filled the silence was the faint rustling of leaves in the wind, as the world around him continued on, unaware that his had just fallen apart.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

I don’t need the hottest and best car.

I don’t need to be the best pop star.

I want to express myself, but I messed up.

What’s there to lose! My heart’s already half empty.

The studio’s lights were harsh, reflecting off the mirrors that lined the walls. The steady beat of the music thumped through the room, filling the space with energy, but Taesan’s movements felt sluggish, disconnected from the rhythm. He was usually so precise, so in sync with the choreography, but today he couldn’t seem to get it right.

"Again," the instructor called out, clapping their hands sharply, frustration seeping into their voice. "You’re off, Taesan. Focus."

He nodded, wiping the sweat from his brow, though it felt like the sweat wasn’t the problem—it was the weight pressing on his chest. They started the routine again, but halfway through, his steps faltered. His foot missed the mark, his body off-beat. He felt his group members glance at him in concern, but he kept his head down, trying to push through.

"Stop!" the instructor barked, cutting the music abruptly. "Take five. Taesan, get it together."

He didn’t respond, just stood there, panting, his hands on his knees. The others slowly moved to the sides of the room to grab water or stretch. Taesan didn’t move. His mind was spinning, but not about the dance. His thoughts kept drifting to her—Y/n. The look on her face when she walked away, the sound of her voice when she said she was done, the quiet resignation in her eyes. It haunted him.

It was all he could think about.

He pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to clear his head, but it was no use. The more he tried to shake it off, the more the memories flooded back. The last argument, the tension that had been building for months, how he had shrugged her off when she needed him most.

“Hey, man. You good?” Jaehyun asked, cautiously approaching him with a bottle of water in hand.

Taesan shook his head slightly, forcing a deep breath. “I’m fine,” he muttered, though the tightness in his voice said otherwise.

“You’re not,” Leehan said bluntly, walking over with the rest of the group. "You’ve been off all day. What’s going on?"

He opened his mouth to respond with something dismissive, something to brush them off like he always did when things got too personal, but this time, he couldn’t. His chest ached too much. The guilt, the regret—it was all bubbling up inside him, and he couldn’t keep it down any longer.

“I—” His voice cracked, and he quickly looked away, swallowing hard. He hated this. Hated feeling this vulnerable, especially in front of them.

His group members exchanged glances, clearly worried.

“I miss her,” he finally whispered, barely audible.

“What?” Riwoo leaned in closer, frowning.

“I miss her,” he repeated, louder this time, though his voice wavered. “I miss Y/n… so much.”

The room fell into a heavy silence, the usual energy drained as his words settled in.

“I screwed up,” he said, his hands trembling slightly as he raked them through his hair. “I didn’t realize what I had until she was gone. And now—” He paused, his throat tightening, the memories of their breakup flashing in his mind. “Now it’s too late. I hurt her, I wasn’t there when she needed me, and she left. I don’t blame her.”

His eyes burned, but he refused to let the tears fall. Not here. Not in front of them.

“I regret everything,” he admitted, his voice strained, raw. “Everything that led to us falling apart. I pushed her away, I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t see how much I was losing her.” His hand clenched into a fist. "I thought I could balance everything, but… I couldn’t. I failed her.”

His group members stood in stunned silence. Taesan was always the one who kept things together, the one who didn’t let his emotions get the better of him. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable, so broken, was a shock.

“I don’t know how to fix it,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper now. “I don’t think I can. She’s done with me, and I can’t blame her. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend… and a terrible person.”

Sungho stepped closer, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, man, don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth,” he said bitterly, looking down at the floor. “I still love her. I never stopped. But she’s gone, and it’s all my fault.”

“You’re human, Taesan hyung,” Woonhak said, his tone gentle. “People make mistakes.”

“Not like this,” Taesan muttered, shaking his head. “She waited for me. She was patient, and I took her for granted. I should’ve been there for her.”

His group members shared worried glances, unsure of what to say. They had never seen him like this—so lost, so regretful.

“It’s not too late,” Jaehyun offered hesitantly. “You can still reach out to her, talk to her—”

“She’s done with me,” Taesan interrupted, his voice flat. “She said she’s tired of waiting, and I can’t blame her. I would’ve left me too.”

He slumped down onto the floor, leaning against the mirrored wall, his head in his hands. The silence stretched on for what felt like forever, the only sound being the faint hum of the air conditioning in the studio.

His group members sat down around him, unsure of how to help, but unwilling to leave him alone. They could see how much pain he was in, and it hurt to see their usually composed, confident friend in pieces like this.

“I’m sorry,” Taesan whispered again, more to himself than anyone else. "I’m so sorry, Y/n."

And for the first time in a long time, he let the tears fall.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Through the whole night, you’re no longer in my sight.

Maybe everyone feels the same, but time goes by too fast.

The air backstage was charged with excitement, a low hum of activity as the staff rushed around making final preparations. Taesan sat quietly in a corner, his hands resting on his lap, staring at the floor as the muffled cheers of the crowd reached his ears. The energy of the arena was palpable, but inside, he felt a familiar weight pressing down on his chest.

It had been a few months since the breakup. Since the day she’d said she was done. He hadn’t realized how hard it would hit him—how much he’d miss her. Even now, the thought of her still tugged at his heart, the hurt still raw even though time had passed.

"Taesan, you good?" Sungho asked, breaking through his thoughts as they finished a huddle nearby.

He glanced up, forcing a small smile. "Yeah, I’m fine."

They’d asked him that a lot lately, and every time he said the same thing. He had to be fine. He had no other choice. Being an idol meant putting on a perfect face, no matter what was going on behind the scenes. It was all part of the job, and he owed it to his fans to give them everything he had. But the truth was, no matter how much time passed, she never really left his mind.

A staff member approached, headset in place, clipboard in hand. "Five minutes until showtime."

His group gave a collective nod, standing up to stretch and prepare. Taesan rose to his feet, brushing off his outfit, and took a deep breath. He could feel the adrenaline starting to build, the anticipation of the stage waiting for him. This was his world now—his stage, his music, his fans. He had to focus on that.

But as his mind drifted back to her—her smile, the sound of her laugh, the way she used to wait up for him—his chest tightened again. The ache that hadn’t fully healed throbbed beneath the surface, a constant reminder of what he’d lost.

"Focus," he whispered to himself, closing his eyes for a moment. He couldn’t let this affect him now. Not here. Not when the world was watching.

The fans were already screaming, chanting their names, and he knew the second he stepped onto that stage, he had to be the idol they all adored—the one who smiled for them, who gave them his all, no matter what was happening in his personal life.

A deep breath. He opened his eyes as the staff gave the signal.

“It’s time,” one of his group members said, nudging him gently. "Let’s go."

He nodded, shaking off the last traces of his wandering thoughts. Putting on his best smile—the smile that had charmed millions—he stepped in line with his group as they prepared to walk onto the stage.

The music swelled through the speakers, and the moment the curtains parted, a wave of sound crashed over them. The roar of the crowd, the flashing lights, the sea of fans waving lightsticks—it was everything he’d worked for, everything he loved.

He couldn’t let them down.

As they walked out, the fans’ cheers grew louder, the energy electric. He felt it surge through him, pushing the heaviness of his emotions to the back of his mind. The stage was where he belonged, and for now, that had to be enough.

But even as he smiled, danced, and sang, giving his all to the performance, a part of him still carried her with him—her memory, her absence. He knew he had to move on, but it wasn’t that simple. She had been a part of him for so long, and the love he had for her didn’t just disappear. He was still learning how to live with that ache.

As the music thumped in his ears and the fans sang along to every word, he forced himself to be present, to let the performance carry him. But every now and then, between the beats, he could feel her shadow lingering in the back of his mind.

And when the concert was over, and the adrenaline faded, he knew she’d be there waiting in the back of his mind—just as she always had been.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Finally, the wounds have scabbed over, but am I still thinking about it?

The room was dimly lit by the slivers of moonlight that slipped through the half-drawn blinds. The quiet hum of the air conditioner was the only sound breaking the silence of the night. Taesan lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling with a contemplative expression. The shadows cast by the moonlight danced across the walls, but his focus remained on the blank expanse above him.

He was in his shared dorm room with Woonhak, who was already fast asleep, snoring softly. Taesan had been lying awake for hours, his mind racing through thoughts he couldn’t seem to quiet.

It had been five months since the breakup. He had made significant progress—he wasn’t as heartbroken as he once was, and his days were filled with the busyness of his idol life. But despite all that, thoughts of Y/n still occupied a corner of his mind.

He wondered about her often. What was she doing now? Was she happier without him? Was she moving on with her life, creating new memories, and finding joy in things that didn’t include him? The questions lingered, and even though he tried to push them away, they always seemed to return.

He remembered their last conversation, the look in her eyes when she had ended things. It wasn’t anger or resentment but a calm, resolute sadness. He had always wished he could go back and fix things, do better, be the person she deserved.

Turning his head slightly, he glanced over at the small bedside clock—it was well past midnight. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he shifted uncomfortably. The ache of missing her wasn’t as sharp as it once was, but it was still there, a gentle, persistent throb that reminded him of the love they had shared.

He recalled the little moments they had—walking in the park, sharing secrets, the way she used to laugh at his jokes, the sparkle in her eyes when she listened to his songs. Those memories were bittersweet now, tinged with the sadness of knowing that those times were in the past.

He wondered if she ever thought about him. Did she ever look back and remember the good times? Did she ever miss him, even just a little? The curiosity gnawed at him, but he didn’t have any answers. He had made the decision to give her space, to let her heal and move on, but it didn’t make the longing any easier.

He closed his eyes, imagining what it would be like to see her again, to talk to her, to hear her voice. He hoped that wherever she was, she was happy. He hoped she had found the peace and joy that they both deserved.

As he lay there, the weight of his thoughts became a little heavier. He had learned to live with the separation, to accept it as part of his journey, but that didn’t mean it was easy. The nights like these were the hardest—when the world was quiet, and the only thing he had was the memory of what once was.

Eventually, he forced himself to turn away from the ceiling, pulling the covers closer as he tried to settle into a more comfortable position. It was a futile attempt to silence his racing mind, but he knew that some things would take time to fully resolve.

For now, he would focus on his work, on the present, and try to hold onto the hope that things would get better. And maybe, just maybe, someday he would get the closure he needed. Until then, he would carry on, living his life while cherishing the memories of what they once had.

He finally drifted off to sleep, the thoughts of her slowly fading into the background, though never completely out of reach.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

I realize I can live without you, but I once decided to grow old with you.

How much loneliness and struggle remain pierced in my heart.

The crisp autumn air was cool against his skin as Taesan and his group members strolled down the street. Their faces were concealed behind masks and sunglasses, a necessary precaution to avoid being recognized. Despite their disguises, the atmosphere was relaxed, and they enjoyed the rare chance to go out incognito.

They chatted casually, their conversation punctuated by laughter as they approached a quaint café they had heard good things about. The cozy little place had a warm glow that contrasted with the chilly evening air.

As they reached the entrance, Taesan was the last to go inside. Just as he was about to cross the threshold, the door swung open and someone bumped into him.

Startled, he looked down, his heart skipping a beat when he saw who it was.

It was her. Y/n.

She looked different—brighter, happier. Her hair was shorter, framing her face in a way that seemed to enhance her natural beauty. And her eyes—those eyes that used to be so full of sadness—were now sparkling with a joy he hadn’t seen in a long time.

They locked eyes for a split second, and he felt a pang of something he couldn’t quite place—hope, regret, longing. He stood frozen, caught between the urge to speak and the overwhelming surge of emotions.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, her voice warm and apologetic as she quickly stepped back. She didn’t seem to recognize him, her focus more on the minor collision than on the person she bumped into.

“No problem,” he managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper.

She flashed him a quick, polite smile before turning and walking away, her figure gradually diminishing as she moved down the street.

Taesan stood there, watching her retreat, his heart pounding. The moment felt surreal—seeing her like this, so changed, so content. It was as if the universe had given him one more chance to make things right, and he wasn’t sure if he should let it slip away.

“Hey, what’s taking you so long?” Riwoo called out from inside the café. “Let’s go!”

Still reeling from the encounter, Taesan snapped back to reality. He turned towards the café, where his friends waited, but something inside him urged him to follow her—to find out if this new version of her was truly as happy as she seemed.

Without a word, he pulled his mask and glasses off and turned on his heel, rushing out of the café. His group members called after him, confusion evident in their voices, but he ignored them, his focus entirely on the woman who had just walked away.

He sprinted down the street, glancing around, his heart racing as he searched for any sign of her. The sight of her figure, walking away with a spring in her step, seemed to guide him forward, pushing him to bridge the gap that had grown between them.

Every step felt heavy with anticipation, each breath a mix of excitement and anxiety. He didn’t know what he’d say or what he hoped to find, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a chance he couldn’t let slip by.

Finally, he spotted her again, standing on the corner, waiting for a bus. With a deep breath, he approached, trying to steady his racing heart.

“Y/n!” he called out, trying to keep his voice calm and steady.

She turned, a look of surprise crossing her face as she recognized the urgency in his voice. Her eyes widened as they met his, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. Everything around them seemed to disappear and it was only them there. Y/n’s look of surprise turns into a smile, her sparkling eyes meeting him.

“Hi.”

★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆

PART TWO VER.1 -- VER.2 | MASTERLIST

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, lxvsiick, 2024

[mykoreanlove]

afraid of love

Exhausted from the intensity of the night before, you sank into the comforting embrace of your fluffy bed. But even in the tranquility of your room, your mind raced with memories of Eun Woo.

Did he make it to Seoul already?

Images of last night flooded your consciousness like a vivid, intoxicating dream.

Heated kisses on every inch of your body ignited a fire within you, each touch sending shivers down your spine and leaving you breathless with desire. Eun Woo's lips, soft and insistent, traced a path of passion across your skin.

His dark, brown eyes seemed to peer into the depths of your soul, stripping away all pretense and laying bare the raw, unfiltered emotions that lay hidden within. In those moments, it felt as though you were the only two people in the world, lost in a shared intimacy that transcended words.

Your bodies intertwined for hours, moving together in a dance of ecstasy and longing. Every touch was a symphony of pleasure that left you both gasping for breath.

Dirty promises were whispered into your ear, each word sending a jolt of electricity coursing through your veins. In the darkness of the night, with only the sound of your ragged breaths to fill the silence, you reveled in the shared intimacy of your whispered confessions, each promise a testament to the passion that burned between you.

As the night wore on, you both became a canvas for each other's desires, covering each other in colorful marks that served as a physical reminder of the passion that had ignited between you.

And as sleep finally claimed you both, you drifted off in his strong embrace, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat lulling you into a peaceful slumber. In that moment, wrapped in each other's arms, you knew that you had found something special, a connection that transcended the physical and reached deep into the depths of your soul.

Adrenaline flooded your system as you thought off all the things you did last night.

Or three nights prior to that. You matched on a random Sunday, after being abstinent from dating for a long time. Eun Woo was in town only for a couple of days for a video shoot but that didn’t stop him from having a good time.

He had been single for years after having his heart shattered by his first love. Ever since, he toyed with women as he pleased.

The first date was spent in his apartment, eating, and talking, cuddling, and fucking.

He was a passionate lover, even though he was starving for love and affection. The second date was a spontaneous invitation late at night, after all his mandatory meetings had been dealt with.

You repeated the first date’s actions but this time it felt more familiar, already knowing what you liked and needed. Eun Woo gave you his all, adoring you in every way he could.

Until he had to leave.

You remembered the sound of his alarm clock this morning, way too early and too sudden. He shifted in his sleep, groaning as he did not want to leave you.

Kisses on your neck were accompanied by his fingers entering you, sighing in appreciation. “God, you feel so fucking good, y/n.”

Minutes after he was gone, catching his plane back to Seoul. You put your fingers on your lips, looking for the traces he had left. The sudden vibration of your phone brought you back into the present moment.

I landed. Tired as fuck though. How are you?

Missing you.

You didn’t want to get your hopes up – after all he didn’t even live in the same country. This was nothing but a repeated one-night stand, right? You thought back to the conversation you had before falling asleep.

“Do you think there is a future for us?”

He caught you off guard with this question, making you panic to find the right words.

“That depends on how well you treat me, Eun Woo”, you mocked jokingly.

He broke into laughter, loving your sassy side.

“I will love the ground you walk on, my queen. How about that?”

You joined in on his laughter and turned to face him, staring into his beautiful eyes.

“Do you mean it?”

He nodded.

Did you really mean it, though?

Oh, good! Seoul has you back then 😉 Lying in bed and cuddling my plushie since you’re gone…

Did that sound stupid?

Your insecurities churned within you, suddenly you were hyper-aware of everything you said and did.

Haha

That’s it?

You felt sick to your stomach as you took that as confirmation. After all, you were right about him. He only used you for some fun during his trip. And now he’s back in his real life, in which you had no place in.

This was nothing but fun to him. Nothing but a repeated one-night stand.

Brrrr.

Brrrr.

Brrrrr.

What the fuck?

Barely awake you searched for your phone on your nightstand.

3:33 AM.

Who the fuck texts me at this hour?

You were instantly awake as you realized who it was.

Eun Woo.

I have no idea if you’re awake. You’re probably asleep. And I shouldn’t blow up your phone. But I can’t help myself.

Anxiety formed in your stomach.

What was that supposed to mean?

Are you okay?

It took him seconds to answer.

You’re awake? Did I wake you? I’m sorry.

You sat up in bed, anxiously typing your reply.

It’s alright. Why are you up? Everything okay?

You saw him type his reply for minutes, driving you crazy in your heightened state.

No. Nothing is okay. I can’t stop thinking about you.

You swore your heart skipped a beat.

Did I read that right?

I can’t stop thinking about you and it drives me crazy.

You gasped, trying to think of a reply.

You make it sound like it’s a bad thing…

Countless messages followed.

It is. Because you are not here with me. And I’m not there with you. I… I didn’t want to leave you this morning. I wanted to stay. With you, y/n. I really wanted to stay.

You pinched yourself, unsure if this was real.

Ouch.

Definitely real.

I know I sound crazy. Maybe I am. But I have fallen for you. HARD. The last hours I’ve thought about how I can manage to come back to your city. Or how I could persuade you to come visit me in Seoul. I almost popped a blood vessel thinking of ways. What did you do to me?

You chuckled. Relief washed over you, since he felt the same way you did.

I keep replaying last night over and over. How mesmerizing it felt to look into your beautiful eyes. How amazing it felt to kiss you. How mind-blowing it felt to be inside you. Oh god and speaking of blowing. The way your juicy lips wrapped around my cock? I’m losing my mind here, y/n. I’ve jerked off twice and still I couldn’t fall asleep. Or stop thinking about you. I’m a simp now, aren’t I? Look what you turned me into.

You were in shock.

Hours ago, you thought he would abandon you and go on with his life but here he was, confessing his desire for you. Making it obvious that he wants to continue this and get to know you better.

Now is the time to get my hopes up, right?

Do you want me to fly over?

You felt brave asking, believing in your chance at love for once.

Already checking flights, babe.

A broad smile formed on your lips.

I can’t believe this.

He is serious, isn’t he?

I can’t wait to be with you, y/n. I really fucking mean it. And that scares me the most.

You understood him perfectly, especially since the connection between you was so strong. This was nothing like you had ever encountered before. It scared you just as much, but you were willing to try.

Hey, uhm… Wanna be scared together?

[gluion]

i don’t smoke (except for when i’m missing you) — taesan

taesan x reader

wc — 2k genre & warnings — angst, situationship, smoking, alcohol consumption, unedited playlist/inspired by — supercut by lorde // i don’t smoke by mitski // focus by niki notes — remember folks! communication is always the key. (that way you can manage your expectations.) if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback! request to be part of the taglist! masterlist

synopsis — a drunken phone call leads you and taesan to unpack what was kept under wraps, and you both don’t know where to stand on your relationship.

there’s a thumping in your ear—maybe it’s from the bass that sounds through the walls or the jumping crowd that shakes the floor. the flashing lights have turned into hazy streaks of red and the smell of sweat seems to stick. yet, despite how uncomfortable the club has gone at this hour, you stay in place, swishing the contents in your cup before downing it.

you let out a quiet exhale, senses numbing and faltering the more you drink. but the thumping remains, and you don’t know where it’s coming from.

“y/n!” your eyes snap towards julie whose eyebrows are scrunched in worry. “are you okay?”

you straighten your back against the wall. “me? yeah.” you lift the cup to her view, giving it a small shake to show it’s empty. “i just finished my drink, so i was letting the alcohol sit.”

julie chuckles before grabbing it from you. “okay, that’s enough drinking. you,” her finger jabs at your chest, “need some water.” despite the groan that leaves you, she latches onto your arm before dragging you away. 

as you make your way back to the booth, the music seems to drown from the volume of your friends. taerae’s laugh overlaps the melody and gunwook’s complaints take over the vocal chops. “oh, there you are!” jaehyun calls out the moment he spots you. “i thought you went to the washroom.” you plop down beside him. “maybe even went for a smoke break.”

“hey, i don’t smoke anymore,” you defend yourself. 

“anymore, you just said.”

you roll your eyes before mumbling. “i don’t even think i’m a smoker.”

before jaehyun can argue, julie leans over towards you two. “i’m going to get you water.” as she’s met jaehyun’s intoxicated grin, she sighs before standing up straight. “maybe i should be getting you some, too.” once julie takes her leave, you both erupt into drunken giggles.

the rest of your friends continue to enjoy the night; some continue to down more shots while others share the latest gossip. you and jaehyun don’t exchange a word, shoulders pressed to each other as you stare off into nowhere. and while you attempt to enjoy the shared silence, the thumping in your ear remains.

“what’s on your mind?”

“nothing.” you look over at jaehyun. “just alcohol.”

he frowns. “you just… i feel like your mind has been going off somewhere this whole night.”

“literally, i’m just spacing out.” you rip your gaze from him before you sink into the seat. “nothing to get too worried about.”

a beat passes.

“are you sure?”

with jaehyun’s persistence, you get off your seat. “i’m going to find julie.” despite his protests, you make your way through the crowd until you find yourself by the bar. you call on the bartender and ask him for another glass of whatever he gave you then. at his nod, you lean on the table as you wait for him to mix up another concoction that would keep your mind busy.

beside you are seats filled with flirting couples, whispering sweet-nothings and getting handsy in public. it seems that more people behind you are having the time of their lives chatting and grooving on the dance floor. yet, here you stand, hoping that the next glass would allow you to give you the enjoyment you’ve been craving this whole night.

you thank the bartender the moment your order is served. before you can drink, someone shoves against you, causing it to spill. “hey, watch where you’re going!” as soon as you catch sight of the person, your stern expression suddenly shifts into shock—because he looks like him.

“sorry about that!” the stranger is quick to apologize, a regretful smile resting on his lips—and it reminds you of his smile, the same one he would shoot at you at every party, every late night out, every time he managed to upset you. the person throws a quick glare at his friend before saying, “i hope i didn’t spill your drink.”

at your silence, the stranger takes it as his sign to continue partying, but you remain frozen, staring at him. the similarities are uncanny; the same cat-like features with the exact fashion style that he has. and suddenly, it’s a supercut in your mind—of every stolen glance, of every hand held, of every lean in as he tries to listen to your whispers, of every short distance and shared silence spent staring into each other’s eyes.

yet, those moments seemed like nothing to taesan.

once you down your drink, you move past the crowd until you finally exit the club. even outside, the thumping in your ear remains. the moment your hand rests on your chest, you feel the pounding in your chest—and you realize that it’s been your heartbeat all along.

you dig through your bag until you manage to fish out an opened pack of cigarettes, and you don’t even think twice about asking a group of strangers smoking to light up your last cigarette.

first drag. you shut your eyes close as you lean against the brick wall.

second drag. your brain has turned cloudy and your heart rate has slowed down.

third drag. you still think of him.

you pull out your phone, greeted by multiple missed calls from jaehyun and julie, but you ignore them as you scroll through your contacts for taesan’s name. as soon as you spot him, your thumb hovers over his phone number.

and the next thing you know it, your phone is pressed against your ear as it rings.

your friends would’ve shouted at you if they knew what you were doing. at first, they seemed to enjoy hearing the first few escapades you would share with him, until they asked you what you two were. they found out you were entangled in a life of mixed-signals, and your distress had only made them beg you to cut him off. you should’ve listened to their advice. after all, they pointed out all his red flags in every problem, every story, you shared.

but you did none of the sorts.

the ringing goes silent. you almost think the call was dropped until you hear him clear his throat from the other line. “hey, how’s my sweetheart?”

you thought it was a common thing taesan did with friends but it came to your surprise that it’s the first time jaehyun has heard him refer to someone with that nickname. you don’t know why he calls you that, and you never complained—until now.

“why do you call me that?”

“sweetheart? because the first time i met you, you were sweet to me. you’ve always been sweet to everyone.”

you shake your head. “no, not that.”

“what?” taesan’s confusion only has your heart rate racing once more. if he couldn’t even understand what you’re referring to, what more did he think about where you two stand?

“why do you call me yours?”

it’s silent for a moment.

wind grazes against your skin as you take another drag. “why do you do that? why do you always reach out for my hand whenever we walk? or always wrap your arm around me?” when he doesn’t say anything, you take that as your sign to continue. “why is it that you always bring me back to your place? why do you tell me to stay for the night? and why do you hold me so close every night?” you exhale. “why do you do all that?”

taesan continues to remain silent. “i just,” you slide down the wall, crouching as you look down, “you say all these things… do all these things, and i get confused. whenever i’m with you, you always seem to get touchy with me, and you don’t care whenever i say that your friends might get the wrong idea.”

it never helped that he boiled your statements into shame—because you could never be embarrassed of him. yet, he could never define what you two were. what didn’t help is that he would always answer jaehyun with, “just friends,” whenever his friend asks about you two.

“and taesan, i was willing to keep up with it until you wanted something more official. but the months kept going, and suddenly i was suffering from every moment you grew distant from me or i saw you getting touchy with someone else.”

you take another drag, and taesan still refuses to say anything.

“everything you do makes me think that there is something going on between us, and maybe i am getting the wrong idea, but i’m begging that you tell me that i’m not just someone you’re just looking to have fun with. i can’t continue with this if we don’t settle on what we are.”

as seconds go by, you almost think that he dropped the call on you. but you know he’s still there. “taesan.”

“yeah?” he finally speaks up.

“i’m only asking you one thing. what are we?”

and when you’re met with silence once more, you realize the answer all by yourself. if you two were something, he would’ve interrupted you as you list down your questions. if you two were something, he would’ve had no problem telling jaehyun what he thought about you. if you two were something, he would’ve been able to answer you in a heartbeat.

“y/n, i enjoy your company. i like having you around and all, and you seem to understand me in a way that my friends don’t.”

despite the seconds of silence that pass, you know there’s another half to the sentence.

“but i’m not looking for anything serious right now. i’m sorry you saw it that way.”

your friends are right. you should’ve known better than to expect something out of this. it was doomed to fail from the start. maybe if you listened to your friends earlier on, you wouldn’t have found yourself in too deep with someone who could never understand the boundaries. 

“maybe it’s best that we don’t see each other anymore,” taesan says.

it pained you to hear him say that because at the start of each day, you would seek him out knowing you’d end it with him. it almost hurts imagining what tomorrow would be like knowing you wouldn’t see him anymore.

but for once, he was doing something right.

you nod before saying, “okay. i’m sorry for thinking that.”

the call drops. he didn’t bother to say goodbye. 

as you take another drag, you stare off into nowhere while you’re left to replay everything that went down between you two. maybe you should’ve done better to uphold those boundaries, ask him earlier on if he was interested in being in a relationship, and you could’ve avoided wasting your months on someone who couldn’t imagine something with you.

you should’ve been mad that this is the outcome.

“there you are!” you whip your head to see jaehyun with a worried expression. “i’ve been looking for you everywhere! you weren’t picking up your phone. what are you doing outside?”

then, jaehyun sees the cigarette in one hand and your phone in the other, and his frustration dissipates. you rip your eyes from him, avoiding eye contact as you recount what went down within those months with taesan. when your friend crouches beside you, you try to keep your feelings at bay. after all, it’s better to keep everything to yourself.

yet, it takes jaehyun’s hand against your back for the tears to finally come out.

you disappointed your friends as you continued to see taesan without their knowledge. you disappointed yourself by thinking something could come out of your months spent with him.

but most of all, you disappointed taesan by becoming another person who caught feelings.

(and what’s worse to say is that you hold out hope that he’d come running back to you. you’d forgive, and forgive, and forgive. you’d accept him back with open arms no matter what.)

(so for now, you’re left looking for anything that could fill the void that he’s left until he comes back.)

networks: @kflixnet @k-labels @blankjournal @onedoornet @kstrucknet

boynextdoor permanent tag list: @bndokidoki @0310s @whyilovewhales-pdf

[unhakzlvr]

── 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 | han taesan

SYNOPSIS: You hate Taesan. You hate his stupid hair, his stupid laugh, his stupid band, and his stupid attitude. Of course you didn't always think this way, when he first approached you to help him advertise his band you were more than happy to help out considering the fact that you harboured a massive crush on him, and you thought feelings were reciprocated on his end too. But following a misunderstanding you now find yourself having to spend 2 months together working on promoting his new band all whilst fighting the urge to strangle him. But as summer goes on you realise, maybe you do have a soft spot for taesan.

PAIRINGS: band leader!taesan x photographer!female reader GENRE: smau + written e2l miscommunication trope WARNINGS: eji from ichillin as YN face claim, cursing, kys/kms jokes, future warnings will be added on in each chapter!

PLEASE DO NOT SPAM LIKE! spam liking rules still apply for smaus so please do rb instead of spam liking TT I don't want to be shadowbanned !!

back to masterlist!

profiles : DA BIG 6 | rawr xd club

CHAPTERS | titles are subject to change #01 ── in this band shit for life #02 ── #needthat #03 ── don’t fumble challenge go! #04 ── oopsie 🌼 #05 ── ijbol moment #06 ── dniym??? #07 ── freak my stupid baka life . . . tba

taglist ── open ! send an ask or comment to be added ^^

@downmainstreet @honniebabez @nujeskz @snoozbin @lovaeri @onlyhyunjin @shoberi @sainns @yujinify @haechology @5ofclubs @jlheon @woorcve @love-4-keum @molensworld @minjify @cherrytaesan @film-sea @tkooooop @astrae4 @amarecerasus @noodlesfeet @rikisluv

networks- @onedoornet

word from wam 🗯️ errr first smau lolsies, ik i have barely any followers here but this is for mainly for me bc i have had this idea rotting in my mind for decades ijbol. also the header is ugly but its my first time using photoshop pls let a girl live....

[taesanrot]

[moved on] fwb!taesan x f!reader | 0.7k words shorter drabble inspired by the song moved on by laundry day!

my heart is saying things my mind just cannot speak ... i don't know what is wrong with me

taesan was an avoidant. he was good at ignoring things, pushing away the elephant in the room and pretending he doesn't care, that it couldn't bother him any less. he was good at ignoring the way your glances at him grew longer and fonder. he was even better at ignoring the way your doe eyes and soft hair made his heart race and stomach turn.

i'm clinging onto you just like i cannot breathe ... i don't know what is wrong with me

he knew it hurt you and he hated himself for it. you two had agreed to keep things between the two of you casual, seeking comfort in each others' touch in the late hours of the weekend and barely speaking the days in between. at the time it started, taesan's fleeting presence filled you up, bringing you out of the emotional trenches school had sent you into.

maybе I'm the problem saying this is alright ... am i coming on too strong?

that was your first mistake -- you should've known you were setting yourself up for failure right then and there. letting the raven haired boy light up your day with a simple stroke of his hand against your cheek; your heart never stood a chance against the curse of time.

please make sure you call, just to say it's alright ... am i waking you all night?

as the days passed, it was taesan who became the reason you ached on late nights. staring at your still unread message, you wondered why things were like this. the boy's actions twisted your mind in ways he'd never know. at times like this your mind flashed back to the way he was after the sun had set, when it was just the two of you in your own world.

we get together but things might just be better if we moved on

the way his warm lips felt against your neck, the way his fingers burned into your skin, it was all imprinted on your mind. the moments you two shared felt so intimate, and they replayed in your mind over and over like a broken record.

turning around under your heavy blanket for the tenth time that night, you screwed your eyes shut as more and more memories invaded your mind and dreams.

the two of you had been watching a movie, your head laying on his chest and his hand rubbing your shoulder softly. eyes trained on your laptop, you almost missed taesan’s face in your peripheral vision, peeking over at you. he had a habit of doing this — you always assumed he was simply checking if you were awake. you always stayed silent, just smiling and blinking delicately at him.

“i’m awake, san” you don’t know what made you blurt out defensively, but taesan shook his head softly at your words.

“i know, i was just looking at you.” your stomach still turns at the thought of the smile he was adorning as those words fell from his pretty lips.

his fond smile only looked wicked to you now, his words singing your skin and burning your resolve. how could he say all of that without feeling a single thing? you thought to yourself bitterly.

am i giving you up? ... changing seasons, can't believe it now i'm leaving you

sometimes taesan too thought he was insane. it stung to think about the sweet things he'd said or done to you -- it scared him how he meant it all completely. the boy didn't know what was wrong with him, why he couldn't just let the two of you be happy and togehter. he felt like a speed bump in the road, stubbornly and selfishly guarding his heart at the expense of your fragile mind.

hindsight is 20/20, and sitting alone in his cold and you-less bed, taesan knows what he should've done and said to you, what was staring him in the face this whole time. he was utterly in love with you and he didn't even realize.

bitterly, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and reads over your last text to him again.

[2:47 a.m]

y/n: i can't keep doing this anymore. i'm sorry, let's stop seeing each other.

you have been blocked by this number!

[lovaeri]

tender care in the rain ୨୧ 한동민 ( taesan ) x gnr est relationship + 477 fluff cw reader is sick mentions of food not proof read

( 𝓯iles © lovaeri; 2024 )

the sound of gentle rain pattering against the windowpane was a soothing backdrop to the otherwise quiet room.

you were curled up on the couch, a soft blanket wrapped around you, trying to fight off a stubborn cold that had taken hold. your head felt heavy, and your throat ached, but you felt a bit better knowing taesan was around. 

taesan, your thoughtful and caring boyfriend, had been by your side since you first started feeling unwell. he moved quietly around the apartment, making sure everything you might need was within reach.

the comforting aroma of chicken soup wafted from the kitchen, mingling with the scent of vanilla lavender from the diffuser he had set up to help you breathe easier.

he appeared in the living room with a tray in hand, balancing a bowl of steaming soup, a glass of water, and a small dish of sliced fruit.

his eyes softened with concern as he looked at you. "how are you feeling, love?" he asked softly, setting the tray down on the coffee table. he gently pushed a strand of hair behind your ear and placed a cool hand on your forehead.

"i miss being able to breathe normally," you pouted, earning a laugh from your boyfriend. "but thank you for cooking for me."

taesan's face lit up with a small smile. "i made it just for you. it's an old recipe my mom used to make when i was sick. always made me feel better."

you took a spoonful of the soup, savoring the warmth and the comforting flavors. it did seem to ease the tightness in your chest a little. taesan watched you with a satisfied expression, clearly happy to see you eating.

he settled beside you, his presence a comforting anchor. as you sipped the soup, he reached for the remote and turned on your favorite studio ghibli movie, knowing it would distract you from how lousy you were feeling.

he didn't hover or fuss too much, just stayed close, his hand finding yours and giving it a gentle squeeze every now and then.

throughout the day, taesan kept you company, sharing quiet conversation, soft laughter, and moments of comfortable silence. he fetched tissues, occasionally giving you forehead kisses, and even sang softly to you when you started to doze off. his voice, gentle and melodic, was like a balm to your weary soul. as evening fell, you felt a bit better, though still exhausted.

taesan helped you to bed, making sure you were tucked in snugly. he placed a tender kiss on your temple and whispered, "get some rest, baby. i’ll be right here if you need anything."

you drifted off to sleep, feeling grateful and cherished. taesan's unwavering care and love had turned a miserable day into a reminder of just how lucky you were to have him by your side.

love from rin. imagine watching howls moving castle with taesan 😞

[minjify]

LOVE LANGUAGES ʚɞ ot6

BOYNEXTDOOR — ot6 synopsis love languages they mostly show p bnd x reader g established relationships skinship fluff petnames not proofread w 600

notes ; first post yayy

박성호 — PARK SUNGHO

words of affirmation

“has anyone ever told you how lucky they are to have you in their lives?”

that caught you off guard. you knew it shouldn’t come as a surprise anymore but it always does. his tendency to suddenly say things like that.

he had no idea how much it affects you, the love for him you already had kept filling up much more with every word he says.

“no” you say, nonchalantly, however, “you’re the first one i think” if only he knew how loud your heart was beating right now. or how you were fighting all the urge to kiss him at that moment.

“well i should say it more often then” he says, then going back to taking a spoonful of his food like he didn’t just uttered words that would keep you awake at night.

김동현 — KIM DONGHYUN

quality time

no matter how busy you both can be, leehan will find a way to be beside you. knocking on your door on a random thursday finding you slumped over your textbooks.

he would promptly drag you out of your room ignoring your groans and complaints. grabbing your jacket out of your closet and draping it over your figure.

“i need to study, hannie”

“you need a quick break, babe” he would say softly before sliding in your shoes and tying the shoelaces.

20 minutes later, you both ended up hand in hand savoring the ice cream under the sun by the park. leehan listening to you rambling about whatever has been going on with your life and smiling dumbly.

한동민 — HAN DONGMIN

physical touch

taesan didn’t notice it, but even if you two are together silence would usually seep in between your small talks.

you both would just suddenly stop talking and ultimately you, yourself would end up sleeping sprawled on top of him while on the couch.

it was still sunny outside, but the open curtains and the breeze and maybe the feel of taesan holding you had lulled you.

his hands firmly on your waist, rubbing smooth circles, unaware you were already dozed off, far too engrossed into the article he picked up.

his hand subconsciously trails up to lay on your head, patting and carving his fingers through.

when he finds out you were fast asleep he’d attempt to carry you to the bedroom so you’d feel more comfortable. just for him to end up cuddling you closer.

“sleep well, baby”

이상혁 — LEE SANGHYEOK

gift giving

riwoo would get you gifts at any moment he deems commendable. if it weren’t for his whines to get you to open the gifts you reckon your living room can be filled with just the mailboxes he get shipped to your house.

would never let you buy anything with your money under his watch. he got to know the things you liked and if anything reminded him of you, he’d immediately buy it with just one look.

“it’s okay, baby, it looks cute on you” smiling at your pout, admiring the way the glasses perched adorably on your nose.

after you decide it wasn’t all that bad, he offered to buy you a few more pairs only to get turned down by a firm ‘no’.

he’d show up at your doorstep a week later, however, with two or maybe three boxes on his hands. ready for them to be tried on.

명재현 — MYUNG JAEHYUN

acts of service

your nature of always being a hard worker especially at school burdened not only you at times, but jaehyun as well. well, not entirely, but he felt that burden anyway.

he hated two things — seeing you hunched over papers and textbooks and second, your awfully heavy backpack that you just have to bring to school everyday.

jaehyun always wondered why you couldn’t have left some of the books at school or at home, but whenever he brought it up you’d just brush it off continuing to carry your bag all the way home.

he kept up with it for some time. until it annoyed him to lengths and he’d end up holding the bag for you anyway. even if you had tried to reach back for it with a few curses and a hit on his arm.

“you shouldn’t carry this much, your back will hurt” he mumbles, looking away. “let me carry them for you, i’m stronger anyway”

김운학 — KIM WOONHAK

physical touch

you were never keen of too much touching. there were definitely a lot of other ways to show your affection towards someone and you felt that excessive skinship was not your personal favorite.

that was until you met woonhak. even before dating he was already clingy, not as close as he is now but clingy enough.

he needs to be holding you some way, feeling like something’s out of place if he didn’t. and it grew on you. whenever you both were out or just conveniently together, his elbows would be touching yours or your hands would be intertwined.

woonhak loved late study nights, but not for the obvious reasons. he loves when you both would take the bus ride back home and you’d fall asleep on his shoulder. it was one if the moments where he realizes you felt completely safe with him and he can’t help but adore you much more.

he loves the way you would slowly blink your eyes open confusedly when he softly wakes you up as the bus arrives at your stop and how, for a change, you’d get clingy instead of him.

[lionhanie]

han taesan ; back 2 u (series masterlist)

you can’t help but find yourself coming back to taesan everytime

fuckboy!taesan x fem!reader, college au

...featuring! BFFS jaehyun + woonhak, fuckboy leehan (AND he's taesan's roommate), and lovely roomies sungho + riwoo <3

series warnings: cursing, alcohol/drug mention and usage (woonhak excluded), toxic relationship dynamics, angst, suggestive content but no actual smut (relevant warnings will be included under their respective parts!)

a/n: this series was HEAVILY inspired by everytime by ariana grande, so i highly suggest you listen to it before reading ^_^

likes ♡ and reblogs ↺ always appreciated!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ PROLOGUE (the realization)

word count: ~460

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ PART ONE (origins)

word count: 1.7k

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ PART TWO (the aftermath)

word count: 3.1k

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ PART THREE (hope lost)

word count: 3.7k

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ PART FOUR (jealousy, jealousy)

word count: 11.1k

TO BE CONTINUED...

series taglist (updated as of 7/10): @minwrlds @luna2nite @taesancore @cherrytaesan @helpsplease

@taylorluvation @serejae @dimplewonie @nikiismyhb @amarecerasus 

@tkooooop @lilriswife4life @marwoo2sn @brachioswrld @haechology

@skepvids @isabellah29 @nujeskz @xoxocarat @baevsxii

@babyboomysweetiedarling @yunjinluv7 @woorcve

© lionhanie 2024 ; all rights reserved!

[blowingcookies]

moody - cha eunwoo x reader - day 4

'What's wrong?'

Cha eunwoo looked up and sighed.

"Come here."

You were confused because normally your boyfriend was in a better mood. But you did as he asked, crossing the room under his heavy lidded gaze. You stood almost toe to toe with him, with his back to the wall.

"Kiss me."

Again, you were confused because he always initiated your intimate moments. And yet again, you did as you were told. You nervously went up onto your tiptoes, closed your eyes, and your soft lips met his.

Suddenly, you felt one large hand banding around underneath your butt and a second one grabbing your waist, pulling you up.

You opened your eyes, only to find that Eunwoo's eyes were staring at you all along. You saw the outer corners of his eyes crinkle up, and felt the ice melt away from them.

"Much better," he said, smiling.

He nipped at your plump upper then lower lip, and went on kissing you. You wound your arms around his neck, never letting go.

[kmigyubs]

[동민] — ₊˚⊹ ᰔ do we have a connection (anymore)?

Pairing : HAN DONGMIN [Taesan] x [F] reader

(wc. 3.0K)

Genre : angst , also includes a bit of smut so beware.

Summary : [...] got dumped by her last boyfriend. But it's okay! She has a new boyfriend, Han Dongmin, and he was amazing.. until he got a drinking addiction and cheated on her regularly. She left him, but now Dongmin just wants her back.

Warnings/contents : highschcool to college setting, reader and dongmin are exes, dongmin fucks himself because he got turned on by his ex, mentions of c0ck and etc. Non proof read and English is not my first language :))) she/her used

[...] was a senior in high school, only a few months away from graduation.

She wasn't alone, she had a boyfriend. But.. the boyfriend was actually really horrible, to her and the people around her.

He tend to talk about [...] behind her back, doing things like shaming her for her appearance, and her overwhelming personality. It kind of hurt.

Other than that, this guy would never treat her right— he was an angel when they first got together, but overtime he became more and more of an asshole. He might treat literal gorgeous strangers better than [...], his own girlfriend.

[...] was sitting by a staircase one day, and she was weeping into her knees. It was during class, but she didn't feel like going at all.

She just got dumped by her boyfriend, why? Because she didn't dress well enough for him during valentines day— oh, it was just stupid as a whole.

She didn't know why she was crying exactly, that jerk was not worth crying over at all, so why did she feel this way...?

She kept on replaying the whole scene in her mind, over and over again. Where her boyfriend had broken up with her infront of students in the hallway.. and when she asked 'why', he slapped her.

He. Slapped. Her.

It was painful.. other than that humiliating— the fucking nerve of that guy to do that. She wishes she could go back there and punch some senses into him.

But, of course she didn't. Instead, she began to weep by a staircase. She looked weak as hell.

Footsteps started approaching closer and closer to the staircase. Quickly, she wiped the tears away from her eyes, well tried to. Her eyes were red and puffy. She was ready for the newcomer to go ahead and laugh at her.

"Hello...?" The voice whispered, low yet soft.

[...] sniffled, wiping her nose with the hem of her sleeve. She turned her head away from the person— well maybe she didn't wanna be laughed at.

"Go away." [...] tried to sound intimidating, but her voice came out shaky.

"...What's wrong?" [...] heard the person ask, also hearing commotion of the person taking a seat next to her on the ground.

[...] tried to ignore them, but she really couldn't. She let out a shaky breath, glancing at the person who was now sat next to her.

.... Wow. He was.. really pretty— and handsome. Her breath went hitched, but she tried to hide it by clearing her throat.

"Uhm.. I got dumped."

The biy who sat beside her had a scrunched up nose, knitted brows as he tried to process her words.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He murmured to her, before standing up. She peeked up at him in curiosity, before she saw him extend his hand to her.

"Han Dongmin." He introduced himself, in a firm yet gentle voice.

[...] was very lost, but she took his hand and got up aswell, deciding to trust this new acquaintance and follow him to wherever he would take her.

When walking, she noticed the way he glanced at her expectantly. Her face flushed in embarrassment. "Sorry..! I'm [...]."

"I see..." The way Dongmin seemed interested in her, the way he had a grip on her hand made her feel giddy.

She might have just got dumped... but she felt as if the love she used to feel wasn't over.

But oh, how wrong she was.

———

[...] sighed in relief, entering the house right after taking her shoes off and locking the door behind her.

She glanced at the sofa, since the television was playing- and, he saw knocked out Dongmin.

[...] eyes widened, seemingly surprised to see her boyfriend there. She hadn't a him since last night,  even for the whole day she was at her classes he didn't respond back to her messages.

She approached the knocked out boy, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up. When he didn't, she furrowed her brows and shook harder.

The boy groaned, rubbing his temples as he opened his eyes to see who had woken him up in from his slumber!— well, it was an uncomfortable nap since he felt so damn light headed but whatever.

"Dongmin-ah," [...] smiled in satisfaction to see him awake, but the smell of him was grossing her out.

"You should wash up quickly.. and then we can get into bed. We could watch some shows, maybe."

He wasn't listening to any of her suggestions of activities for the night, like at all. He was really dizzy, and.. he was feeling deprived. Not for sleep, bit deprived of having that oh-so-amazing drink.. it was alcohol.

That's what he was thinking about, but he didn't tell her of course. He knew she'd be pissed of at him. Well, understandable. But he couldn't resist his urges, okay? If he wanted something, he will get it.

He saw [...] leave the living room after finishing her one-sided conversation with him, and went to set her stuff in their shared bedroom. It was a small apartment, thus they were sharing a room.

Dongmin was not fond of the idea, obviously.. he wanted a room for himself, and his private stuff damn it.

He shuffled up from the couch, slightly tipsy and stumbling on his feet. But, he managed to get through the door and exit the apartment. Silently.

"Dongmin-ah, where are you..." [...] mumbled, to no one in particular. She probably seemed insane, calling out to a name while she was home alone.

[...] tapped on the 'call' button on her boyfriend's contact again, shifting on the bed uncomfortably. She was impatient, she had called over and over again but he just wouldn't pick up.

But, it was normal by now.

Dongmin would leave at night, and came back home by the morning, and mostly slept and repeated the routine once it reached night.

He was usually out to parties, drinking and getting flat out drunk. He did it often, and would leave her at their shared home alone.

'We're sorry, this number is not able to get to the phone rig-' she cut the voicemail off, grumbling in pure frustration.

Honestly? She thought he was the biggest asshole ever.

What was stopping her from leaving him, then?

.... She honestly doesn't know either. It might be because Dongmin was the one who saved her from her past relationship.

But was it really worth it if this relationship had the same effects as the last, if not worse?

Dunno. She had a tiny glimpse of hope she could maybe.. fix him, somehow.

God, this was really bad. But she couldn't help but still have feelings over Dongmin. Who could blame her?

[...] called his contact again, holding it to her ear as her phone rang. She expected for another voicemail again, but this time- he answered.

Just about time.

As she were about to speak, she heard a distinct noise from the other line. She scrunched her brows in confusion. Well, he was maybe at a local club again, of course it was loud... but, this noise sounded strange- she pulled the phone closer to her ear.

She listened to the other line, and her mouth agape.

She realised now.. she heard-pleasurable noises- coming from Dongmin's line.. it sounded like a girl, followed by Dongmin's grunting.

It was disgusting to listen to. It was disgusting to think about, she was trying so fucking hard to not puke.

More moans came through the speaker, with wet, squelching noises. Dongmin's name was whimpered out-

Okay, she couldn't take this anymore. She hung up the phone, dropping her phone to the bed as she held her head in her hands. Imagine picking up the phone while mid-fucking another woman..?

"The audacity.." [...] mumbled out. Her eyes began to pour tears, burying her face into her hands as she weeped. Alone.

She wanted Dongmin to comfort her...

... but he was the reason she was crying in the first place. Thr audacity of him to leave her alone every night, and fuck other girls at the parties he goes to.

She couldn't take it anymore. The man- guy she was dating was a cheater, he was the worst person she had the misfortune of meeting.

She always thought that he was the best.. but it was clear now, clear as day that she needed to break up with this demon who she used to call 'her boyfriend'.

She sniffled back her tears, wiping her damped eyes with her bare wrists. She didn't deserve to cry over him.. he didn't deserve to be cried over. He was nothing but heartless, only using people for his own pleasure.

She's decided— she was done. She was too blinded to see the way he had been treating her this whole time was not okay. Like a fucking object.

She began stuffing her clothes, and essentials in the luggages she bought when moving into the apartment, with Dongmin.

She was actually taking her sweet old time packing her shit, since she knew she wouldn't get caught anyway. Who was going to check on her, Dongmin? Obviously not...

———

It was a little over 2 in the morning, and [...] was asleep in the comfort of her own bed. The warmness under the comforter, air conditioner washing over her body as she snuggled up with her stuffed animal.

There were knocks coming from the front door of her apartment.

Her brows scrunched up involuntarily as her sleeping form heard the sudden sounds. She tried to drown out the noise and continue sleeping.

But the knocks just wouldn't stop. Infact, it sounded frantic. Like someone's in trouble.

[...] grunted in annoyance. She reluctantly pushed the comforter off of herself and got off the bed, trying her best to fluff up her messy hair as she shuffled her way down to the front door.

She grabbed the key that rested on a cabinet nearby, and unlocked the door. She opened the door slightly to get a peek of whoever decided it was a pleasant idea to show up at her doorstep at this time.

... Oh. The person who had showed up was her ex, Han. Dongmin.

[...] tried to convince herself it was her mind playing with her, or that it was just a bad nightmare. She rubbed her eyes to have it adjust to the dim lighting, and she looked at the figure again.

... Nope, still there.

[...] let out a sigh. She took notice of how he still hadn't seemed to realise she had already opened the door, seeing him continously rub his temples with an index with an expression of distress.

Oh, damsel in distress.. but is that my problem?

Yep. They seemed like totally solid people.

But- first of all, how did he find her? She moved into a new apartment two months ago, right after she dumped him. Second of all, why was he even

[...] silently, tried to close the door back again and maybe she could continue her earlier slumber. But, a hand refrained her from doing so.

"Wait... " It was the annoying ass Dongmin, of course. His voice was shaky, he was blurting out words as he tried to make her stay there.

"What?" [...] spitted out. She was really in no mood to hear Dongmin speak in his whiny ass voice. Oh, and his breath smelled like flavored alcohol. Gross.

"I.. miss you, baby.." he blurted out, and she swore she vomited in her mouth from the cringe she felt from the term of endearment. "Why did you leave me.."

What kind of question was that?

"....Because you kept on drinking, making out and hooking up with random women at the parties you'd leave me for." [...]'s response to his question had no hesitance, and it was blunt as hell.

She had opened the door fully, looking at his weary expression with her arms folded over her chest.

"I didn't mean to..." He spoke through hiccups. He felt really dizzy. But he didn't have any balls to ask her to crash at her place.

Maybe she'd let him... he was her ex, after all. (That's not how it works, though).

"Can.. I stay the night?"

[...]'s eyes widened, staring at him in disbelief. Oh the fucking audacity of this guy...

"No way." [...] furrowed her brows. Dongmin whined in response, tugging at the sleeve of her pajamas.

"Please.. please I can't..." he trailed off, gagging through his mouth. The alcohol had taken much worse effects on him than he had anticipated. He saw her roll her eyes, swatting his hand away from herself.

"No. You're actually so fucked up if you think I'd do anything for you after everything." [...] shot him one last glare, before she shut the door after she went back in, without enough time for him to protest.

Dongmin tried to bang on the door, hoping that she would comply and let him in. Let him make things right again... but, of course she lost faith in him. He was at her doorstep, after they broke up, flat out drunk.

He only against a wall, onto the floor. He put his head in his hands, as he began to weep. At his ex girlfriend's apartment complex.

God, he was so pathetic. Very pathetic.

———

The second Dongmin arrived to his own home, he was immediately knocked out on the couch. He was going to get the worst headaches of his life...

He was right. He woke up at the ass crack of 7 in the morning, and his head hurts like hell. He was trying so hard not to puke, his carpet was expensive for Pete's sake.

He walked on his limp legs, and managed to make it to his kitchen, gripping on the counter as to not fall. He grabbed a cup of water which had probably been staying for a few days on the counter, and downed it in one go.

He gulped the drink, grunting as the water had an effect on his lightweight. He was hungry as fuck... but he felt like if he consumed something, he'd immediately puke it out.

Instead, he grabbed his phone from the kitchen island and slumped himself on the comfort of the couch.

Without [...], the apartment felt more empty. [...] would always do the groceries, and in his fridge right now he had nothing except for spoiled milk.

Dongmin grumbled, and he began scrolling on his phone for entertainment, which was on Instagram.

There he goes, looking through pictures of random women on the app again.. but he didn't like, give any of the posts a like. He didn't know what possessed him..

... But thinking about [...] bejng missing made him feel some sort of regret, and resent to the people who could still see her, and talk to her while he couldn't even figure out where she lived.

Did she live with her parents? Her relatives? Maybe she lived alone now?

He didn't know, but he wanted to know, badly.

He wanted to apologise, to tell her that everything he did was fucked up and he knew it.

But his pride was bigger than the regret he felt. He didn't wanna admit it— he wanted her to come back and ask to have him back..

Wait— was he insane? Did he think [...] would still want him after all this time?

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair as he continued to scroll.

He suddenly stumbled across a post, with a familiar handle.

Dongmin narrowed his eyes. He clicked on the profile picture of the account to see who it was.. and of course, it was [...]'s account. His Instagram recommended him [...]'s account.

Was the algorithm playing with him? This must be a punishment? Or... [...] was just so pretty the algorithm put her on his recommendation page...

Kill yourself, Han Dongmin. He thought to himself in annoyance.

Whatever. I don't need her stupid ass anyway.

Dongmin thought as he scrolled through her Instagram. What's wrong? He was curious of what's going on in her life currently.

Dongmin went onto her most recent post, and a wave of shock strucked him. His jaw was dropped, and he felt as if his eyes would pop out from its sockets.

The post included pictures of [...] at the beach... wearing a little white bikini.

Oh, what was she doing to him...?

He knew he was being disgusting, but he let a grunt escape past his lips as he stared at the picture.

She was just so.. perfect. Why didn't he notice before? What a fucking dumbass. Biggest fool ever.

Dongmin could've been seeing this gorgeous body at nights, but instead he was out elsewhere, with another woman.

He fucked up big time, he knew that. The picture was just doing things to him. The way the bikini revealed so much of her body, and showed off her curves.

He felt jealous. Jealous that other men got to see her like this when it should be him.

Dongmin was about to groan at the sight, but he settled with another grunt. Why was he so weird..

He glanced at the door of his apartment, just to make sure that the door was really locked.

Dongmin took a breath, as he put the phone by his side on the couch, making sure that he didn't accidentally click off the image.

He placed his hand above his groin, pushing it up and down, beginning to palm himself. He let out a groan.

He was touching himself, and could just imagine that it was her, infront of him, being the one who gave him the pleasure instead of himself.

Dongmin unbuckled his belt, then unzipping the zipper of his black jeans. He stroked himself through the fabric, before pushing the jeans so it would rest below his hips.

He continued to stroke himself, only a layer of boxers separating him from actually touching himself.

His boxers were damped with pre-come. He moaned. He attempted to gain friction by rocking his hips into his fist.

He was being insanely disgusting.. but what was on the screen was once his. He missed that.

He wrapped his cock that was beneath the fabric, pumping it with his two fists. He was going pretty damn fast, because of his neediness and his eagerness.

But, it didn't feel as good as when [...] did it. He moaned so damn much whenever she played with his hard cock, he was sure the neighbours downstairs could hear them.

Dongmin was tempted to go further— but he stopped himself. Doing this was enough as it is.. he should actually only do that when he gets [...] back. If he gets [...] back.

Dongmin rolled his eyes, annoyed with himself that he had these thoughts in the first place.

He stood up from the couch, and pulled his pants back up.

Dongmin should really get his life back together if he wanted someone like [...] back in it..

Might make a continuation if I have motivation :9 also I want moots so if you want to be mootz tell me <3

[serejae]

HOPING THE MESSAGE GETS TO YOU !(SMAU)

ex!taesan x reader

WHAT ! - after being stuck together on a trip that lead to resurfacing unspoken feelings, you and your ex make up for loss time

WHEN ! - (warnings) kissing and reader being called babe

WHO ! - (a/n) thank you sosososos much for all the love i’ve received in such a short period of time :-)

p1

[lxvsiick]

THE STARS CONTINUE TO SLEEP | HAN TAESAN X READER 

[PART 2 -- VERSION 1]

PAIRING: ex! han taesan x ex! fem! reader

SUMMARY: After running into his ex, Y/n, Taesan chases after her--but what happens after crushes his heart.

GENRE: angst, exes, imagine

WORDCOUNT: 675

A/N: I AM SORRY 🙇🏻‍♀️ i’m just here to cause pain honestly 🤷🏻‍♀️ ummm ENJOY!

ִ ࣪𖤐◞ ꙳ ๋࣭ ⭑ `

Every step felt heavy with anticipation, each breath a mix of excitement and anxiety. He didn’t know what he’d say or what he hoped to find, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a chance he couldn’t let slip by.

Finally, he spotted her again, standing on the corner, waiting for a bus. With a deep breath, he approached, trying to steady his racing heart.

“Y/n!” he called out, trying to keep his voice calm and steady.

She turned, a look of surprise crossing her face as she recognized the urgency in his voice. Her eyes widened as they met his, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. Everything around them seemed to disappear and it was only them there. Y/n’s look of surprise turns into a smile, her sparkling eyes meeting him.

“Hi.”

“How have you been?” He asks, taking a step closer. Taesan felt like he couldn’t breathe–she was really standing in front of him.

Her expression softened, and she gave him a small smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Dongmin, it’s been a while. I’m doing better now. A lot better, actually.”

He could see it. She looked different—happier, healthier. There was a spark in her eyes that hadn’t been there the last time they saw each other. It was like she’d shed the weight of the world that had once dragged her down, and it hurt him to realize how far away she felt now.

“I’m glad,” he managed to say, his voice low. “I’ve been... doing well too, I guess. Idol life has been busy.” He paused, his throat tightening. “But I’ve missed you. You’ve never really left my mind.”

For a moment, silence fell between them. Her eyes flickered with something—maybe surprise, maybe regret—but just as she opened her mouth to respond, a voice called from the distance.

“Y/n!” a guy’s voice echoed down the street.

Both of them turned to see a tall guy walking toward them, his expression calm but curious as he approached. Taesan felt his heart sink instantly, the pang of jealousy hitting him like a ton of bricks.

The guy reached Y/n's side, placing a casual hand on her lower back as he looked at Taesan. Taesan forced a smile, but his hands clenched slightly by his sides.

“Hey, sorry about that,” Y/n said, her voice a little softer now. She gestured between the two of them. “Dongmin, this is Minhyung, my... boyfriend.”

The words struck him harder than he’d imagined they would. His chest tightened painfully as he glanced at Minhyung, who gave him a polite nod, but there was an air of awkwardness between them.

Taesan swallowed, forcing himself to remain calm, even as the bitterness inside him twisted deeper. “Nice to meet you,” he said, offering a strained smile.

“Likewise,” Minhyung replied, his tone friendly but firm.

After a few more brief words of awkward small talk, Taesan realized he couldn’t stand there any longer. The pain was too raw, too real. With one last look at Y/n, he gave her a tight, bittersweet smile. “I should get going. It was nice seeing you again... really.”

Her gaze lingered on him for a moment, as if she had something more to say, but all she managed was a quiet, “You too, Dongmin.”

He nodded, unable to bear it any longer. Turning on his heel, he quickly made his way back to the cafe, his chest feeling heavier with every step. His hands trembled slightly as he pulled his mask back up over his face, trying to shield himself from the world, but the growing bitterness inside him was impossible to escape.

As he entered the cafe, the sound of his members’ laughter surrounded him, but all he could think about was the image of Y/n with her new boyfriend. Even though he had tried to move on, she had never left his heart.

And now, seeing her happy—happy without him—it hurt more than he ever thought it would.

ִ ࣪𖤐◞ ꙳ ๋࣭ ⭑ `

PART ONE | PART TWO VER.2 | MASTERLIST

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, lxvsiick, 2024

[4ranghaes]

Another song fic with Taesan?🥹

(Love ur writing btw, hope this doesn’t stress u, take ur time hehe)

song fic!💋

now playing… this is how you spell “HAHAHA, we destroyed the hopes and dreams of a generation of faux-romantics” by los campesinos!

han taesan x reader [fluff/angst, gender neutral!reader, non-idol!taesan, i’m imagining the setting as like a shitty english uni house so hope you get the vibe lol]

warnings: problematic/abusive relationship, reader is having a panic attack, reader smokes, talks of drugs

a/n - no stress at all, anon! never be afraid to request <333 also i apologise because this song is probably NOT what you had in mind but, we abide by the playlist🙇🏻‍♀️

01:09 - “i just wanted peace,” he sighed, “i just wanted to sleep.”

“i’m sorry i’m not fucking perfect, taesan,” you snapped, your breathing deep and frantic, previously cried tears staining old mascara down your face.

the party that the two of you had abandoned hours previous could still be heard going on downstairs, music and people’s voices blaring as they disturbed the neighbours. you left housemates responsible for anything that was happening now.

“that’s not what i meant,” he huffed, watching as you got out the bed, storming over to the old, rusty sink in the corner of your bedroom and splashing your face with cold water, “are you alright now, love?”

you swallowed, nodding slowly as you walked back over to the bed, taesan pressing a kiss to the side of your head as you sat beside him. you lit up a cigarette with shaking hands, he glanced up and saw the old beanie of his covering the smoke alarm.

“you know that’s not what i meant,” he sighed.

“i don’t know what you meant at all tae,” you said, leaving his body again as you walked round the messy bedroom, “what are we even doing here?! what is this?! why did i just have a nightmare about you, taesan?!”

“about me?” he exclaimed, “what was i doing?!”

you cried out, practically tearing your hair out with the harsh grip you had on it, “i don’t know! maybe it was that fucking note again.”

your boyfriend scoffed, “please don’t bring that up again, y/n. that was a drugged up mistake, you know that!”

“‘i have left you, please never try to find me’?!” you exclaimed, “do you know how fucked up that is, taesan?!”

taesan couldn’t say anything in reply as you walked out to your balcony, finishing off your cigarette with long drags. he could hear occasional sobs, but he knew it was better not to react. eventually, the cigarette became a stub as you pressed out the flame on the corner of the railing, dropping it into the bucket you kept.

walking back into the room, the party’s eyeliner and mascara was now rubbed all over your eyes, leaving big streaks of black. taesan took in your appearance, noting the goosebumps on your arm.

he opened his arms, a silent invitation as you climbed back into the bed, burying yourself in his chest. his fingers brushed gently over your goosebumped arms, feeling each one of them.

you were still crying, tears falling from your eyes while apologies fell from your lips. taesan looked around the dump of your bedroom, unfinished poetry and books laid around, in the bins and on the walls; he couldn’t help but think they were indicative of your life.

“i can read you,” he whispered.

you sniffled, chuckling, “am i that obvious?”

“no,” he whispered, serious as ever, “your arm. i can read it.”

“like braille,” you sighed, staring off into the distance, holding onto the arm that was wrapped around you tightly. taesan nodded in reply, even though you couldn’t see him.

“i know,” he said, running one finger along a line of goosebumps, “i am wrong. i am sorry.”

“i know,” you sighed, kissing his arm as you listened to the background noise of 2010s indie party music, “i am wrong, i am sorry.”

[gluion]

places we won’t walk — taesan

han taesan x reader

genre & warnings — smau, exes, angst, fluff, slight crack, an undeniable down-bad-in-the-trenches reader paired with an emotionally constipated taesan who both cannot move on, switching between past and present conversations, pov switching notes — gluion smau writer debut? (i was known to write smau on twt LMFAO) anyway, going an angst smau to keep me alive as i write zb1 tbou. as always, reblogs and feedback are appreciated!

started: november 8, 2024, updates sporadic ended: tba request to be part of the taglist! masterlist

synopsis — although you and taesan try to stay civil with each other, there’s undeniable tension between you two in every conversation. and somehow, you remember why it's not advised to date someone in the same friendgroup as you.

(or in other words, the conversations you and taesan shared since the break up.)

profiles — the three bears and the struggling artists

prologue — the night it happened part i — cat’s out of the bag part ii — part iii — part iv — part v — part vi —

more coming soon

networks taglist: @kflixnet @k-labels @blankjournal @onedoornet @kstrucknet

boynextdoor permanent tag list: @bndokidoki @0310s @whyilovewhales-pdf

story tag list: @tkooooop @prettyange1 @zynz0 @love-4-keum @taylorluvation

@vernyangel @cherrytaesan @prettiann