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joonsytip · 4 months ago

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Only for Love || Mingyu - Epilogue

Pairings: Mingyu x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Husband!Mingyu, Cold Wife!Reader, Arranged Marriage au, Contract Marriage au, Divorce au

Synopsis: When an accidental discovery has your perception of happy married life crumbling down, you do what you think is the best for everyone involved. Naturally, your opinion of the best doesn't cater to your husband's. So what happens when things spiral out due to unforeseen events?

Warnings: divorce, reader is pregnant and having it hard, emotional baggage, tears and profanities, mentions of throwing up, morning sickness, lot of banter.

Word Count: 7.8k

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Teaser | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue

Mingyu didn't get a wink of sleep, neither did you. It's something given.

What's not given for him is the way you're waiting for him with the luggage by the door.

"No...", Mingyu says to himself, as he eyes the bags and then takes a look at your face. He then scurries off to the guestroom only to find all your belongings gone. He goes to the bedroom and same, the house has no traces of you left.

And once you leave, no one would be able to tell if you were ever here, not even Mingyu himself.

He comes back, devasted.

"Please, don't leave.", he pleads, his voice coming out in cracks, "Not when I have so many things to tell you, so much to confess."

You bite your tongue and while trying to maintain the poker facade, you say, "I'll sum it up for you. Our marriage is based on a contract between you and my uncle. And even after over 2 years of the marriage, you find it difficult to be with me because I'm..", you suck in a deep breath, "not Sora. I'm not like her."

Mingyu looks at you with tears in his eyes, wanting to retort everything you're saying but he knows nothing he says would make you believe him. After all, trust has been compromised.

"And I'll never be her, Mingyu.", you say, your voice giving out the dejection, "So I'm freeing you from this marriage. We'll get divorced. You can be with whoever you want. And I will lead my life as how it was supposed to be."

"How was your life supposed to be?", Mingyu asks, his heart thumping as he close the gap between you two.

"Alone.", you answer him, unwavering.

"God, no", he holds you gently, "You belong with me, Y/N. I known I have been dishonest with you when you had clearly warned me beforehand. And I know I've hurt you so much over the span of our marriage but please believe me when I say that I'd not do it with anyone else, it'll be always you."

His gaze tears the shield that you have guarded yourself with, your grip on the trolley loosens for a moment.

And before you give in, you brace yourself.

"We're done talking, Mingyu. I'll have my lawyer set a date with you and yours.", you say removing his hands, "As I said, you can have everything you want--"

"But all I want is you, Y/N."

Your heart beats erratically in your chest. Your senses start to behave abnormally and your mind almost discards the rationalities. But you know you couldn't afford all these, that for him to be well, you'd have to let go.

"Except me, anything you want.", you say in a strained voice, your hands itching to wipe those tears from his face, "I know you're ambitious so that's why I don't think our divorce would weigh much on you. If you respect and value the time we spent together, for the sake of those, divorce me. I beg you, I want nothing else."

And Mingyu stands exactly where you have left him. It's a been a week and he's miserable.

His parents are not in talking terms with him, the moment they knew about the contract which is leading to the divorce.

And Minhee, she's has been taking the worst hit. And now, she understands if you never want to see her again after what her brother has done. But doesn't mean, it'd hurt less.

Unlike her brother, she was not popular with people. Majority approached her just get a whimp of her brother and that's why she had trust issues, leading her to be cautious of people. She does have genuine friends she's close with but you, you are different.

Minhee admires you, proudly calls you her family and loves you because she has noticed it all. How you have accommodated yourself and been a part of the family. Not big with words but bigger with actions. And maybe Mingyu can be dumb but the entire family knows that you love him, it's so painfully obvious.

"Hey", a soft voice breaks her reverie. She turns to look and finds Soonyoung.

"I don't want to see you.", she tells him, "So leave."

Soonyoung sighs, "But you're upset and I can't see you like this--"

"Why do you care suddenly?", she glares at him, "Look, I don't like you anymore okay? I can't believe you all knew about that contract but didn't stop him. What kind of friends are you?"

Soonyoung just sits, head down and listens to her reparimend him. At least, he gets to see her.

"What do you want?", you ask, checking your watch. There's an unfamiliarity in your tone.

"Can you please reconsider and withdraw the petition?", Jeonghan asks politely.

"No.", you flatly deny.

He runs his hand through his hair in frustration, which is rare.

"Mingyu is not doing well, Y/N. He has shut out everyone.", he says, "That day, Sora took Mingyu with her to visit me because she thought I'd not meet her if she comes. And it was totally work, nothing else Y/N. Mingyu doesn't have feelings for Sora, he likes--"

You raise your palm up and Jeonghan shuts up. There's nothing much to say, not anymore. So you just give him an ultimatum before leaving.

The day comes fast and hits harder. Mingyu sits frozen with the pen in his hands, his vision dazed, mind blank. It's happening and it's a matter of time then you'd be denounced as husband and wife.

As you sit in front of him, you can't help but notice Mingyu's state. You can tell he's been having it hard, he looks lost. He hasn't spoken except when urged since he arrived, he seems like an entirely different person.

Mingyu can't bring himself to sign the papers. He can't bear to look at you. And since the universe have decided to bite him back with karma, he does it.

A single drop of tear wets the paper, just below the line where he signs his name.

The formalities are done and it's official. Though there's a cool off period both sides know that it's of no use.

Your lawyer leads the way out, solemnly announcing the outcome of the meeting.

"Y/N", Mingyu calls and you dismiss your lawyer waiting for him to catch up.

There's a devastatingly sad smile on his tear stained face and your breaks at the sight of him.

"So it's ends here.", Mingyu says trying to hide the quiver in his voice, "I'm sorry for everything, Y/N. I have been a failure and I can't do anything to fix it. But I wish you healing and a peaceful life ahead."

He quickly wipes the tears and continues hesitantly, "If ever my name comes to your mind, please contact me. I'd come if you want help in something minimal, I'd listen if you wanna curse me out. Be it anything, all you have to do is drop a text or call me and I'll come to you. We can't be friends but I'd like to just pretend."

You don't think you can hold your tears anymore so you let them fall. Mingyu is surprised and his hands almost touches your face in worry but he remembers that it's not his place anymore.

"Live well, Mingyu.", you tell him, "Take care of mom, dad--", rectifying it quickly, you continue, "aunt, uncle and Minhee. We all mistakes, make sure to learn from them and treat others rightfully."

Mingyu understands the weight behind your words. Times seems to have frozen as none of you make a move.

You take the initiative to break the reverie. Because even if Mingyu thinks it's the end but you know you'd have to see him again.

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?", you smile through your tears, looking up at the sky then back at him.

And just as you predicted, Mingyu doesn't get the meaning of your words because he's distracted and you're relieved.

Your apartment still feels foreign. It shouldn't be as you've lived here for most of your life and now you are sitting alone, lost in the thoughts.

Whenever there is too much on your plate, you'd call your uncle. Just listening to his voice soothes you so you quickly fish out your phone. But just as your thumb hovers over the call button, tears stream down because you remember that you won't be able to hear his voice ever again.

You've started showing a little since the second trimester has started and you are thinking of ways to tell Mingyu, scared at wits remembering how everything went down everytime you've tried to let him know.

But you know you've to let Mingyu know about the baby and it has to be soon.

Stress is eating at you and nausea has become your best friend. Morning sickness loves you and you can barely eat any food without throwing out. Minghao has been attentive, trying his best to help you out but there's a limit to he can do.

You are not feeling particularly well today while you're at work. For some reason your chest feels like vacuuming out, your head spins a little.

You have been doing great at hiding the uneasiness until you're addressing the people about some requirements in the character design involving all the teams and your legs gives up. Your vision spars and suddenly your eyes shut, causing you to loose consciousness.

Minghao lurches forward, catching you in time saving you from the impact of fall. He doesn't waste any time picking you up and rushing to the hospital, himself being drained out in fear.

Soonyoung immediately follows and while he drives behind, he makes a bunch of calls.

The lights from the ceiling are blinding enough to cause irritation even if your eyes are closed. There are murmurs at the backdrop but they're low not quite reaching your ears. Your left hand feels heavy, you think there's a weight on your stomach.

You squeeze at whatever was enclosing your hand and a very familiar voice calls out your name. But you can't figure out who it is. There are repeatative calls but your eyes are so heavy that you're finding it difficult to open them.

You feel a touch on your cheek, a soothing rubbing of thumb on it and you're able to open your eyes finally.

And you came across his face. Eyes red, lashes wet and hurt etched on features. His eyes are fixated on your face.

"Mingyu", you say grabbing his hand, "Where am I?"

Mingyu sighs in relief and kisses your forehead, his lips lingering on your skin as he speaks, "You're in the hospital. How are you feeling?"

"What happened to me? Why am I feeling so tired and sleepy?", you ask, as you hold his face, rubbing your thumb against his cheek gently, "Take me home and hold me to sleep please."

Mingyu worries at your state but he knows that it's an after effect of concussion and you'll be back to normal after some time.

"Is the baby fine?", you ask with a quiver in your voice.

Mingyu's eyes water with tears again at the mention and he backs away for a moment wiping those. He takes deep breathes and returns by your side.

Gently, caressing your bump he answers, "The baby is fine."

"Don't tell uncle that I'm here, he'd be worried.", you say and his heart breaks.

He nods at you wordlessly, choking back his sobs.

There's a smile on your face, "I can't keep my eyes open."

"Rest well.", he says, stroking your head, "I'll be here when you wake up."

"How's she?", Minhee asks as soon as Mingyu steps out of the room.

"She just woke up.", he informs, "She's suffering from concussion. She was asking for her uncle."

Mingyu's steps stumble as he seats on a chair. When he received the call from Soonyoung, he rushed to the hospital only to see you lying unconscious on the hospital bed.

And on asking the doctor, the first thing he discovers is that you're four months along in pregnancy. As the timeline aligns, it kills him to belatedly know that you dealt with your uncle's death, the divorce all by yourself being pregnant.

"Why didn't she tell me?", Mingyu ponders out loud, tugging on his hair forcefully.

"Maybe she was waiting--", Junhui is cut off.

"She had tried to tell you three times in exact.", Minghao pitches in, his voice stern and accusatory, "The first time, at the office event but you decided that going somewhere with ex-girlfriend was more important."

"You should tone it down. It's not what you're thinking.", Jeonghan chimes in his friend's defence.

"Oh I'm not talking to you.", Minghao glares at him, "And I know what is what and not."

His gaze directs back at Mingyu, "The second time was when she returned home only to find you bitching about her to these guys over here.", he gestures at group standing scattered in the area, "She was nervous about how to crack the news to you, that was the only reason she returned."

Mingyu sits frozen in place as Minghao hammers the nail on his heart one by one.

The final blow punctuates brutal and hard, when Minghao says, "The third time was", he pauses for a moment before continuing, "The day uncle died. If you remember, she had asked you come home earlier, it was because she wanted to tell about the pregnancy."

"She must have been so scared. It must have been so hard for her.", Minhee whispers, choking on tears, "We have been so ignorant. We don't deserve her."

Soonyoung runs to her side but Minhee steps away from him, drawing a line.

Minghao nods solemnly, "Even after that she tried but her mind succumbed to the thought that something bad would happen again if she reveals about the pregnancy. She is indeed scared."

Hansol walks up to him and pleads, "Tell us if there's anything we could do. I don't care, be it anything, please."

Minghao scoffs, "You should have done something when your friend was going to marry her because of a contract which she wasn't even aware about.", he jabs his finger at his chest, "you should have knocked senses into your stupid friend when he chose his ex-girlfriend.", another jab, "you should have fought back when he was bitching about his own wife."

He sweeps his sharp gaze across the faces, "You could have done a lot of significant things but you chose not to and now there's nothing left to salvage."

"You're right.", Seokmin resorts to resignation, "We, as a bunch are awful. All of us."

Minghao is all riled up with pent up frustration of months bouncing off, he walks over to Mingyu grabbing his collar and pulling him up on his feet. When others try to pull them apart, Mingyu shakes his head, a sign asking them not to interfere. His head bowed down throughout.

His voice drips with venom when Minghao says, "How could you say that she didn't change? How could you not know how bad her morning sickness is? Why did she have to deal with everything and suffer alone while you lived with her?"

Minghao has so much to say, so much to let Mingyu know but he cannot. He doesn't have the right to do so.

He grabs the collar tighter, with much force, enough to draw lines of abrasion on the later's neck, "Don't think she's alone. She has me, she'll always have me. And you must have heard the rumours going around since you have a spy at our office.", he says looking at Soonyoung and back at him, "I'll tell you the truth. I love Y/N."

All pair of eyes widen at the declaration, even Mingyu's. Minghao's eyes are teary as he speaks his heart out, "I will always love her. Even if she never reciprocates, my feelings for her won't change."

Mingyu's parents who have been listening to the conversation, without announcing their presence decide not to interfere.

Later when you woke up, you didn't let anyone else meet you apart from Minghao who also completes the formalities for your discharge.

But when Mingyu almost barges in, you tell him to visit your apartment the next day if wants to talk. He simply obliges.

"I have tried to tell you about the pregnancy--"

Mingyu shakes his head, he doesn't meet your gaze, "I know now and that's what matters."

You scrutinize and everything about him screams that he is not doing well. Physically evident, mentally also as his body language gives it out.

"This wasn't planned and I'm keeping it so if you don't want to be a part of it, this will be the last time we're meeting--"

You don't get to finish the sentence as Mingyu lunges forward and kneels at your feet.

"I was a bad husband and I understand if you don't have any trust left in me. But we made it, Y/N. Of course I'll be there through the rest of the pregnancy and after that. We'll raise the baby, our baby.", he tries to convey his sincerity through his words, "I failed to be a good husband but I promise I'll try to be a good father."

"I'm sorry, you had to find out this way.", you say, your hands finding its way to wipe the tears that stained his cheeks.

You have been awfully swayed, your emotions are a mess and you can't mask your real emotions anymore. Pregnancy hormones are being tough on you and what you're scared the most about is letting yourself loose in Mingyu's presence. Something you cannot afford.

Mingyu is also quick to catch the changes in your demeanor. He knows you're being vulnerable and you'll be trying your best to conceal it but he makes a promise to himself that he'll protect you, take care of you. Even if you push him away, he won't scurry away this time.

Another episode of Mingyu's crying happens when you show him the sonograms from all the previous checkups and he carefully pockets the copies you give him, promising to accompany you for the checkups, memorizing the dates by heart from your calendar.

"What have you been eating?", he asks, padding into the kitchen. You follow him.

Concern grasps at him on hearing that you cook for yourself now and Minghao sometimes bring in his cooked food but you throw up more than you can eat. You tell him that you've been having trouble sleeping which caused the fatigue.

"I'll cook for you from now on.", he says determined.

"I appreciate it but you don't have to do it. It'll be a hassle--"

Mingyu dismisses you as he scans through the kitchen and makes the notes of the groceries that needed restocking, "My hassle, I'll handle it. Anyway, I used to cook for us."

"That's what.", you interject, "You used to. We're divorced now."

Mingyu freezes at the mention of divorce but quickly regains his composure, "I'm doing this for our baby. You can't tell me otherwise, I'm sorry but expect to see me a lot more from now on. And though I know it would make no sense to you but you can rely me."

You don't respond to that rather making a lame excuse, walking back to the bedroom.

Since then, it's been a rollercoaster ride for the both of you.

Whenever you try to draw a line, Mingyu erases it before it could even take a prominent shape.

"No, you don't have to drive me to work everyday.", you say sternly, "I can drive and if not Minghao can take me with him. He does that sometimes."

It's wrong of him to get jealous but when has the heart ever sided with him, "Minghao lives in the opposite direction, Y/N. It'll save all of us time and effort if you let me drive you."

"You also live in the opposite direction.", you snide, "Don't try to outsmart me."

Mingyu smiles sheepishly, "Anyways, I have to drop by to give you the lunchboxes. Now on, I'll just come early and cook here itself. My office starts later than yours so it's fine."

And no matter what you couldn't win over him. Hence, he now knows the passcode of your apartment.

"You're not allowed to barge in anytime without my permission. Always drop a text if you're coming. Don't misuse the privilege.", came your strict instruction with those 4 digits.

As another month passes by, your cravings start to get weirder. The urges always are to have something which you think no sane person would ever think about eating. And the timings, well random, no patterns.

Mingyu's heart drops when he's cooking one morning and you emerge from your room with a big patch pasted on your forehead.

He rushes to your side but you pretend to not notice him, roaming around the house aimlessly. And after a lot of tailing, Mingyu finally corners you.

The proximity almost makes you go berserk. His smell overpowers you causing you to nudge him to widen the gap.

"Lately, my cravings have been you know....", you trail off embarrassed, "It always hits at dawn hours."

Mingyu listens to you with utmost attention.

"I was craving candied pickles and I didn't have them at home so I went to the convenience store at 4 am."

You hush him when Mingyu opens his mouth, wide eyed, jaw dropped.

"I couldn't find the car keys and it was only there blocks down so I walked there and on the way back, I bumped onto a pole. It was dark, I missed it.", you whine rubbing your face in embarrassment and wincing when you accidentally rub on the cut.

It's a reminder to Mingyu of how you have been having it difficult and a string of regrets making him ponder that if the divorce didn't happen he could have been doing all of it for you, without having asked to.

He grabs your face, making you look at him, "From next time onwards, please call me, no matter what time. I'll bring you what you're craving. It's not safe alone out there, more when you're pregnant."

And he knows that even though you'd agree on his face but you'd never bother him out at odd timings. Scratch that, he wants you to contact him even for the simplest things but you don't. Every time his phone pops up a notification he wishes that it's you. But that never happens.

So one night when your cravings got to your head and you decided to make a quick round to the store, your heart leaped out of the chest on opening the door.

It's Mingyu, sitting by the threshold, well sleeping against the door. As the door opened his body fell inside, waking him up as the result of the impact.

You quickly stand him up on his feet and take him inside.

"What are you doing here?", you ask him flabbergasted, "Why were you sleeping at the door when you know the passcode?"

Mingyu, still groggy, answers, "You told me to not enter your house without informing you. And I didn't want you to go out alone."

Your heart twinges at his words. You should be having emotional turmoil but something unexpected is happening and you absolutely hate it. The cravings for food have suddenly subsided and now you're craving for something else.

Rather someone else. You're suddenly craving for your ex-husband.

How can he look so tempting, wearing just a simple t-shirt and trackpant while being sleepy. Blame it on the hormones and those r-rated scenes in the movie that you watched this afternoon.

"Don't pull something like this again.", you say, rubbing your neck, "Just punch the code and get in, anytime."

And Mingyu is left confused when you maneuver him to the other room asking him to sleep there before rushing into your bedroom because another moment he is in your vicinity, your control would snap.

Domesticity comes handy with Mingyu. He is the kind of person who could effortlessly blend into your life under any circumstances.

So one day when you stand oogling your shoes wrack with doe eyes and curled down lips, Mingyu comes searching for you.

"What did those shoes do so bad to make you upset?", he asks with a hint of humour in his voice.

You huff before craning your neck to look at him. You pull him beside and point at the topmost shelf saying, "Those are my favourite pair of stilettoes, it's been so long I've worn them. And that pair of ruby scarpin, I can hear them calling my name."

Mingyu knows about your admiration of heels which explains the huge collection you've accumulated. Staying with you, has also made him accustomed to the clacking of heels whenever you walked swiftly wearing them.

So he understands that pregnancy doesn't actually leverage you from wearing heels, but you don't wear them just to maintain safety and avoid prolonged effects.

He takes your hands with a mischievous smile, "Wanna experience the feeling of wearing them?"

"You know I can't."

He hushes you, pulling you closer. He gestures you to slip out of the sliders and straightens himself, "Hop on my feet."

You look at him confused, "You'll get hurt, plus even if I try my belly won't allow me to do so."

"Just trust me, okay?", Mingyu says coaxing you and you do give in.

As you can't see the ground beneath your belly, Mingyu guides you and as soon as your feet are on his, he adjusts them making sure that both of your heels are in the air. Once making sure of the position, he places your hands on his shoulders and secures his tightly around your waist.

He starts walking around the house with you.

"See, same same.", he grins, pecking your forehead.

You laugh, lolling your head back, "Getting creative now, are we Mr. Kim? I'll give you points for the height."

Mingyu swears that he'd walk you this all the time, that your feet won't touch the ground even for a second if you want.

One day, he accidentally discovers that phoenix_726 is actually you when he wanted to play a game but it's been so long that he has forgotten his credentials so he decides to play using your account.

"I thought you're a man!"

"I used voice modulator with my headset because creeps started hitting on me as soon as they I'm a female."

"I can't believe, we've talking to each other, played along so long without knowing the real identity."

"Remember, I'm a much better player than you, Kim Mingyu."

"You wish, Y/N. I'm obviously better."

That debate never ended.

This isn't supposed to happen. You stand by the kitchen counter, watching a very familiar scene unfold in front of you.

"I can see the gears turning, you know?", Minghao says as he stands beside you.

"How did I agree upon this?", you sigh, "What's wrong with me, this isn't supposed to happen."

His features soften, "Because though you were able to hide your emotions previously, now you couldn't do that anymore. They are here because you've missed them, it's because you love them and want to spend time with them."

You know he's speaking the truth. And your eyes tear as the words hit you. Minghao pats your back when he sees you wiping your eyes frantically hoping for no one to see you like this.

"Thanks for letting us meet you.", Minhee smiles as you both sit and enjoy the company, "I missed you."

"Me too, Minhee.", you look at her, returning that smile. You turn only to find Junhui humouring Minghao, the latter actually smiling at the antics which is rare. Seokmin and Jeonghan are seemingly scolding Soonyoung. And Hansol is talking about something real serious with Mingyu's parents.

And your breath hitches when your gaze locks with Mingyu, he has been looking at you the whole time.

"He misses you the most.", Minhee says, "But he's been happy now, keeps yapping about how he gets to see you everyday. Goes on for hours about how much more beautiful you've gotten, the pregnancy looks great on you. Cries every time, he realises you two aren't together and it's because of him."

You turn back to look at her, shaking your head. It's overwhelming.

You had a good time. Minghao gained new friends and Mingyu stayed back while everyone else left. It's because he knows you too well. He has noticed you caressing your protruding belly more than usual.

"It's just the usual spasms.", you tell him when he asks repeatedly, "Maybe because I moved around way too much today."

"I'm taking you to the doctor, tomorrow.", Mingyu says, "No objections. But for now, what can I do to make you feel better?"

"There's nothing to do, Mingyu. It'll go away."

Mingyu nods just to go back and hug you from behind. You freeze at the sudden action. His hands snake down from your waist as he gently tries to hold up the weight of your belly. And it's somehow soothing. He dips his nose on your nape to inhale your scent and you subconsciously lean back on him.

That night when you have trouble sleeping again, Mingyu spends it reading the books on parenting devotedly until you fall asleep in his arms, on the couch. But you wake up on the bed the next morning.

"What does this mean, anyone knows?", Soonyoung asks as the guys hang out.

Mingyu is involuntarily present as Minhee kicks him out of your apartment, declaring girls day. He has been sulking since then.

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?", Soonyoung adds, "This."

The phrase rings in Mingyu's ear as he tries to figure out its familiarity.

"Who said that to you?", Seokmin asks amused.

Soonyoung gulps, he can't reveal that Minhee had said it to him so he brushes it off.

Seokmin cocks his brows but tells nonetheless, "When someone says this, it's a way of them telling you that they love you, but they're letting you go."

Soonyoung freezes and so does Mingyu.

Seokmin looks at both of them lost while Hansol quickly catches on.

"By any chance, did Y/N say that to you?, Hansol asks and before Mingyu could answer Jeonghan stirs up.

"She did.", he confirms, "On the day they got divorced. I was there and heard it as well. Thought it was unusual of her to say something like that given the situation. But it makes sense now."

Junhui gasps, "Oh my god", he slaps his hand covering his mouth in shock, "She loves you, goddamn it. She loves you!"

Mingyu sits frozen. His mind is empty, no thoughts at all.

"Min?", Seokmin tries to shake his friend out of the trance.

"Gyu", Jeonghan calls calmly, "There's something I have been meaning to ask you for some time."

And when he does so, Mingyu does show a minimal movement. And of a sudden his empty mind from before starts filling up with all sorts of thoughts. His head and heart teams up to concierge him.

Mingyu looks at him robotically.

"You had kept the contract papers in the locker right? Did you even tell Y/N the passcode?", he asks.

Mingyu shakes his head, "No. She doesn't know."

"Then how did she get the papers? Did you check the locker again?", Hansol asks further.

"All she said was that she got the papers from my office. And while in the hassle, it didn't occur in my mind to check the locker again.", Mingyu answers.

"If my hunch is right, then I'm guessing it's a lie.", Jeonghan says, "I think she already knew about the contract, sometime after the marriage."

"How did she know? Her uncle never wanted her to know so he wouldn't tell her.", Junhui asks, "And even if she knew then why did she use it to get a divorce?"

"Only Y/N has the answer to these questions.", Jeonghan says, "Gyu, just go and check the locker and if you find your copy of the contract papers then just go and confront her. I'm sure she has her reasons so know them and see if there's a chance of reconciliation."

You notice that Mingyu has been acting quite out of character for the past few days. He seems like lost in thought. There's something different about the way he looks at you now.

The day before when you both went out to buy clothes and stuff for the baby, unlike other times he remained absent minded. You chose not to bother him.

But as the pregnancy progressed towards the end of the last trimester, it has been giving you one kind of hell. You are pretty much lost without Mingyu, feeling like a liability who's useless without him. Your emotions are a mess and you're always tired.

Mingyu wishes he could do anything to soothe your pain. He cries in the bathroom at nights when he hears your groans and sees those tears streaming down your eyes. There's another turmoil that's whirlwinding inside him, he has so many questions he wants answer of but he couldn't, just didn't wanna cause of any more of stress.

After a lot of negotiation and convincing, Mingyu now gets to hold you to sleep. His warmth visibly helps you to sleep better. What's bothering him is how you tremble in your sleep at night, there's always some incoherent murmuring before you are crying which prompts him to wake you up in the middle of night. And no matter how many times he asks, you never utter words about those reoccurring nightmares.

One night when Mingyu instinctively wakes up just to check on you, he finds you looking at him. His heart drops when he finds you sobbing.

"Gyu", you caress his cheeks, "there's something I want to tell you."

Mingyu holds your hand that lays on his face, giving a nod.

You lean in, faces merely an inch apart, "I love you."

You feel him go stiff under your touch. But he doesn't look at you as if you've grown another head rather there's calamity in his features.

"I'd have regretted if I didn't say it to you.", you admit, "There's a favour I want from you."

"What is it?"

"If there's a situation comes while I give birth", you voice quivers, "where you could save either me or the baby. Choose to save the baby, please."

Mingyu can't believe what he's hearing. He can't fathom loosing either of you.

"Where is this coming from?", he croaks as his hand ascends to protectively rub your belly.

"I have been dreaming of banshee, everynight. It signifies that someone would die in the family. I don't have anyone else from the baby so please promise me you'll protect our baby."

Mingyu pulls you closer, trying to keep his tears at bay, "Nothing such will happen. You both will be safe and healthy. I'll protect you both."

There's a moment of silence before Mingyu decides to speak up, "I found the copies of the contract in the locker. You never got those in hand. Since when did you know about it and why did you lie?"

You knew he was bound to find out someday so you decide to come clean because it's suffocating to keep everything within yourself for such a long time.

"That was the copy uncle had. I found out about the contract after a year since we got married. Came across the papers accidentally in uncle's office while I was visiting and confronted uncle. He confessed everything and I felt so betrayed.", you look up at him, "But I couldn't even think about leaving you. That's when I realised that I had fallen in love with you."

You press your finger on his lips when Mingyu tries to speak.

"But I also knew that you weren't over Sora, your social media still had all your pictures with her. It made me think if we should go through this marriage. My fault, I just couldn't let you go, I wanted to believe that you'd eventually come to me. Can you blame me though? You are my first love, of course I was being stupid and pathetic."

You laugh through your tears and it cracks his heart. Mingyu is rendered speechless by now.

"Then I decided to forget about everything because I thought we were making progress. Well, atleast I thought that we're happily married, alongside hoping that you'd fall for me. More confident because the pregnancy came along. It wouldn't be really hard to develop feelings for the mother of your child right? That's what I pondered over every night. But then a string of incidents happened."

Your voice tones down flat, the sadness returning in it, "When Sora came back, I knew you were just helping her. But I was just afraid because I can fight all the people who want you but I can't fight that one person whom you want. Sora was your first love after all."

You shift, creating a tiny space between you and him, "I wasn't mad at you when I heard you saying those things about me to the guys. Your mind was clouded, your first love had returned, now wanting you back where on the contrary you were married to someone whom you didn't love. I know it all came out because you knew you'd never fall in love with me and it's because I wasn't exactly the wife material. You couldn't think of ending the marriage because a lot was at stakes, yes, the contract, it ends with the end of the marriage."

"But still I chose to be selfish because of the baby and thought of working our marriage. Then my uncle died.", you shudder, recoiling, "And that was the last straw or you can say the indication I needed. I realised that I'm cursed. People around me or associated with me keep dying. So it's better to cut off the ties. I brought up the divorce using the contract papers because that was only way to protect you. Losing you as a husband is far better than losing you entirely."

Mingyu exhales sharply. If he felt like a jerk before, he feels absolutely trash after your confession. The man who had always taken pride in himself for being perceptive and empathetic, termed as their ideal type by many has his pride crumbled down, been to put to place.

He's simply a buffoon who couldn't even understand his wife. Just because you are not verbal, doesn't mean that you don't care. You cared more than anyone else, selfless enough to let go just to protect your love.

In a world where all these people think love's for show, you are the type to die for your beloved in secret.

"Mingyu", your voice pulls him out of the reverie. Mingyu thinks you've enchanted him, otherwise how could it make sense that you're glowing under the moonlight that's peeking in through the windows. Your smile melts him into a puddle, you're looking so divine.

When his gaze locks on yours, you say, "Stop feeling bad. It's not your fault, feelings can't be controlled. And people do go through unhappy marriages and opt for separation. It's quite normal. Also, you don't have to go beyond your capacity to accomodate me. I know you feel and are responsible for the baby but it's okay. Co-parenting is surely difficult but we will make it work. Don't miss out on love and life because you feel guilty towards your ex-wife. I'll be fine."

Mingyu has enough. He gently pushes you on your back and suddenly grabs both of your hands and pins them above your head. He hovers over you, careful of your belly and says, "You're doing awfully bad for someone who has such great perceptive skills."

Then he proceeds to rest his forehead onto yours. Your eyes widen and you try to free your hands but your strength is nothing as compared to his.

"Please, please kiss me or I'll go insane.", Mingyu whispers against your lips, freeing your hands.

"We shouldn't be doing this.", comes your meek response.

"And what if I say that I love you?", Mingyu nudges your nose with his, kissing your chin.

"Don't say something you'd regret later.", you say inhaling sharply.

"I'd regret if I don't confess now. I have already made a lot of mistakes, I can't afford to make any more."

He kisses your forehead, "I admire you in all the aspects. The way you're managing work and life while carrying a life inside you, amazes me."

Kissing on top of your eyes, he says, "I know you're independent and efficient but you can lean on me when things get rough."

He smiles as he kisses your cheeks, "You're so beautiful. You were a different kind of beautiful before the pregnancy, your beauty is unfathomable now and you will still be aphrodisiac post pregnancy."

Another kiss on your nose, "You're gaming skills are better than mine. But we conquer more when we're teaming up. So please take me in. I promise I won't let you down."

"I love you.", you shudder when his lips ghost over yours, "And I'm not confessing on just some whim or impulse. I mean it and I'll do anything to earn your trust. Even if it takes the lifetime I'll spend it making up to you."

He then waits patiently.

"I'm not responsible for my actions, the hormones are making me do this.", you anmounce before closing the gap.

Mingyu holds your face, kissing you slow and deep. Smiles when he feels your hand puckering on his shirt. Doesn't pull away until you're tapping on his arms for a breather. Latches back onto your lips after a second because he has been craving them so bad and now that he got the taste, he can't get enough.

The venue for the wedding is decorated beautifully, the lightings and flowers are complimenting each other in the best way.

You smile, sitting quietly as you resort to watching from a distance. The flute of champagne remains untouched.

Mingyu looked great when he walked to the altar. He looks beautiful on the stage. Seeing him donning the suit once again reminded you of your wedding. What if your marriage worked out?

Sora looks beautiful as well. Given, that she's the bride, all eyes are on her.

It's time to exchange vows, the priest announces. You don't remember all the vows you read during your wedding but you surely have some of them memorized. You wonder if they'll read the vows of similar wordings.

As the ceremony ends, your eyes move back and forth, studying the crowd when you feel the seat beside you being taken.

"Your presence on the stage was quite captivating.", you say boringly, "Someone could have mistaken you as the groom."

Mingyu laughs, "Actually I do want to get married but the woman I'm pursuing doesn't seem much interested."

You roll your eyes, "Then pursue someone else."

Though you don't look at him, you'd clearly sense the pout on his face, "But she's the love of my live and the mother of our son."

Your lips threaten to break into a smile. It's been over a year since you gave birth to Minjae, your son.

"Minhee had called.", you tell him, "She told that she'll be keeping Jae for another day, so no need to drop by her house."

Mingyu nods, "Minhee never lets him go easily. Jae seems to be fond of his aunt too. I'm sure Jae is perched on Soonyoung now."

You snort, "That's a given. I need your help on choosing the engagement gift for Minhee and Soonyoung. Hao will also join. When are you free?"

"For you, I'm always free.", Mingyu gives you a flirtatious smile, "Can Hao not come with us, I'll help him out separately."

"Let me go and congratulate Sora and Jungin quickly. We can leave after that.", you sigh at his antics and get on your feet, walking towards the newlyweds.

Sora, tired of her poor choices, sought out to her parents for arrange marriage and that's how she met Jungin and dated him for a while before tying the knot. You weren't exactly sure of attending your ex-husband's ex's wedding but Sora made you promise her and so you somehow ended up at the ceremony while Minhee took care of your son.

Not much has changed over the year. After your son's birth, Mingyu has become brazzen. He has become an absolute loser in love. And that loser has been courting you since then. You're always on your toes when around him because you have no idea what he'll pull. He is unofficially cohabitating with you in the name of parenting. You know better, even if Minjae grows up overnight and moves out, Mingyu would still not stop showing at your door with a bouquet in one hand and that damn smile.

You are unbothered when instead of dropping you off and leaving, Mingyu follows you into the apartment.

"Jae is not even here so what are you doing here?", you ask and take off your sandal.

And as you take another step, you're suddenly swept off your feet. You're not even surprised, your reflexes have grown immune. Mingyu effortlessly carries you to the bedroom and drops you on the bed, drops the blazer on the floor before joining you.

"I don't know about you but I need to change, can't sleep in this dress."

You whine when his grip around your hips tightens.

There's a goofy grin on his face, "I love you so much that my heart might explode someday. Thanks for giving birth to our son and for raising him with me. Thanks for being there for my sister and scaling that Soonyoung when he was confused about his feelings and being an absolute idiot. I like how happy both of them look together. Though you don't owe anything but I'm grateful as you always make sure to attend my parents' anniversary or birthdays and help them out when I can't. Thanks for being a great companion to my friends even after knowing how intolerable they can be."

You squint your eyes at him, already catching on.

Mingyu sits up and fishes out the very familiar velvety box.

He takes out the ring and asks, "Will you marry me?"

"No.", you say and get up, beelining into the bathroom to to get changed.

Mingyu smiles as he watches you. Here goes his 156th attempt of randomly proposing you and you rejecting him.

As Mingyu too gets changed and plops onto the bed, he whispers in your ear pulling you close to his body, "You know right, I won't stop asking you to marry me until you agree or find someone else which I pray for to never happen."

"What if I never say 'yes'?", you ask sleepily, feeling his lips giving feather kisses on your neck.

"I promised to wait a lifetime for you.", Mingyu answers in a heartbeat.

You drift off to sleep and Mingyu remembers something you had said a month or two ago as a part of your late night sleepy rambles.

"I'll marry you, after Jae turns three. I want him to be the flower boy at our wedding."

He still feels giddy, whenever he remembers your words. He doesn't know if he should account for something you said subconsciously, he's not sure if you are yourself aware of these words either. But what matters, what gives him hope is that deep inside your heart you've left him space.

So even if you agree to one of his random proposals, he'll prepare a grand proposal for you just before Jae's third birthday and will marry you right after his son turns three if you say yes.

Mingyu has planned out everything, he'd make Jae walk you down the aisle along with him. Though he's not sure if his heart will be able to handle such a sight. Marrying the love of his life in the presence of his family and friends, what else he could ask for.

Because in the end, everything is worth only for love.

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip.

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insertdisc5 · 10 months ago

Text

✨ The In Stars and Time Spoiler Q&A ✨

it's time. MASSIVE IN STARS AND TIME SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. IT'S GONNA BE SO LONG. LET'S GO

I hope you are aware of The Secret Final Boss because I'm also gonna spoil the crab out of that. If you haven't,

1. Did you know the events for interacting with your souvenirs are randomized for some of them, and also change depending on how far you are in the game.

2. Did you know there's a way to show souvenirs to a certain character.

3. Did you know you can go back to Dormont during the Epilogue.

Figure that out, and come back here! Or watch a let's play online. You can also do that.

I will also try to adopt a ~mysterious cool voice with no exclamation points~ for Effect. Come with me on this journey.

Now. Questions time!

✨ Will you ever make a sequel to ISAT, or make a game in the same universe?

Nah. This was always intended to be The Story. This is your turn to imagine things now.

✨ But so what happened to the Country? What was its name? What about the wishes? What about the colors? What did Siffrin say as an openphrase to open the door to the King's room? What about--

I will not answer those. It's your turn.

✨ BUT THE COUNTRY AND THE COLORS AND THE WISHES

Ok fine. Here are some facts that I alluded to in-game, that I am confirming now.

-The Country disappearing and the events that made colors go away are not related.

-The colors disappeared a loooong time ago, which is why knowing they even existed is a relatively new find.

-A wish made everyone forget the Country.

I will ALSO say that ISAT's map operates on Final Fantasy/General Fantasy rules (i.e. in-universe locations are based off of real ones when it comes to culture, but are not one to one parallels, especially for geography), so no, the Country isn't based on the UK oh my god please do not say that to me again or im deleting ISAT out of your computers and putting legos at the foot of your bed. It's based on another place. You can figure it out, I believe in you.

✨ But why won't you give more info on what happened :(

Can you imagine if I did answer. Wouldn't that be a bummer, whatever my answer was. Sometimes things need to stay a mystery. And also, I don't want to answer <3

✨ Does the world Loop came from still exist after they left? Or is this a get mystery'd situation?

There is only One Timeline and it's the timeline that goes from the prologue to ISAT. Every timeline that gets rewound does not exist anymore, and that includes the prologue's timeline.

✨ What's the deal with Siffrin's dream at the start?

It's Siffrin's dream, but that doesn't mean our Siffrin is the main star.

✨ Is [specific missable game moment] canon?

Every moment that you personally experience in the game is canon.

✨ Is there a reason Siffrin remembers their name but the King doesn't?

What makes you think Siffrin does?

✨ At the very very end of the game, if you look out the window behind the Head Housemaiden, Sif mentions seeing an island in the distance. Is that his country?

It is. It's always been there, for the whole game. You can see it in the distance, too.

✨ Who was the King, before?

He was just a guy!

✨ With the King left remembering in the end, does that in any way change the redaction effect for other people in the world going forward?

That's a fun idea. Maybe!

✨ One thing that never really clicked for me is: Is the sweet smell Time Craft or Wish Craft? Or is the sweet smell TIme Craft and specifically the burnt sugar smell is Wish Craft? Other way around? Does this question even matter since without Wish Craft you can't attain Time Craft in the first place? (To me, yes.)

Wish Craft smells sweet. Time Craft doesn't have a smell per se, but it does do something.

✨ Does Mirabelle retain her immunity to being frozen in time after the events of the game or does it go away after the Head Housemaiden is saved? Or does it persist for a while and eventually fade away?

I imagine the immunity slowly faded away. But no one's left to do Time Craft, so it's a moot point anyway.

✨ How was Odile able to stop Siffrin from looping back during the fight against Siffrin?

In the Discord channel I stated that it's because "she's just that cool", but really, she does have access to some skills that heighten the efficacity of Rock/Paper/Scissors attacks, so it's not too much of a stretch to imagine she could lower the efficacity of Time Craft as well. In this last loop, while listening to Loop and observing, she could figure out Siffrin was looping way earlier than she could in even the Sus Quest, so she made plans. She is Very Smart <3

✨ Will you ever share everyone's full names?

That's artbook content <3

✨ In the ending, what happened to Siffrin's hat?

Flew away. It's gone now.

✨ Looking back at the original comics, and seeing how comic!sif has both eyes at the start of their loops, but in ending sequences is shown with his eye patch...did you ever consider making that concept of sif losing their eye a part of the main loop in either of your games? and if so, was there any reason why you decided against it?

Early on, I did think about making that whole event an event that happens during the loops, but quickly let that go since 1. it would be a pain to write and code (two different sets of Siffrin portraits!) and 2. if it happened, the player might want to look for a way to NOT make that happen and so 3. it would be a pain to write and code

✨ How was Siffrin's homelife before?

Pretty good!

✨ How old were Nille and Bonnie when they ran away? How old was Sif when their home got zapped?

Both were teens.

✨ How old IS everyone?

Siffrin is mid-late 20s. Mirabelle and Isabeau are early-mid 20s, with Isabeau being slightly older. Bonnie is a preteen. Odile is Too Old For This. Petronille, Bonnie's sister, is late teens-early 20s. You can ignore whatever I said in the prologue's artbook, whoever wrote this was Wrong!!!!!!!!!!

✨ Regarding the book that talks about someone who crafted a copy of themself using wish craft: is that meant to imply someone we know is the author (and/or the copy), or is it not directly related to any of em? or is it a "who knows ;)" situation where we can just speculate and theorize either way?

Please check the book again during Act 5! This applies to most items/map events by the way, like the pendant. You can check those during Act 5 and 6 for some fun new dialogue!

✨ Why are Siffrin's clothes so warm looking?

The Country got cold at night.

✨ What's up with Siffrin's pins?

They're made out of a special material. And also, they make Siffrin look cool <3

✨ I want to know the story behind Loop’s different eye shades!

They're blind in one eye. Also, fun foreshadowing <3

✨ What determines whether someone is paper/rock/scissors craft? Is it assigned naturally at birth or something else (and how do you find out)? Does it make you more inclined to use that specific craft or is anyone generally free to use whatever craft they want?

Astrology rules, It Just Is A Thing. Being Rock Type means it is way easier for you to do Rock Craft, but that doesn't mean you can't learn other types of craft, although it's way harder. Doing Craft of your type is instinct, doing Craft of another type would take some time and resarch.

✨What crimes has Odile committed before. I need to know.

Odile just smiles.

✨ Why did the King specifically target the House of Dormont?

I had a reason in mind, but adding it to the game would've added a layer of Explanation that really didn't need to be there. It's just a nice House.

✨ Who was Odile's hatecrush...

Dunno. It's your turn.

✨ What is loop's body situation. like is the surface of their "skin" solid? they did poke siffrin that one time, and we know they aren't cold, but...

I have some idea. But it's your turn!

✨ Would Sif still have looped if they hadn't made the wish he made in the beginning? As in, would Vaugarde's combined wish have made him loop until managing to beat the King?

No. But without time powers, you can imagine what would've happened next.

✨ During the Loop Hangout, how did the rest of the team make it all the way to The King? What about during Act 5?

During the Loop Hangout: with difficulty. During Act 5: Loop was there to guide them.

✨ Is Loop: 1. Actually comfortable with both he and they, but only gave the one pronoun to emphasize the distance? 2. Only using they/them because a large life event led to a shift in identity/ how they'd like to be perceived? or 3. time lops stole he from they they :(

Mostly that first one. But all three of those reasons have a bit of truth to them.

✨ Who cooked crab in the House of Change???

This is a very funny question! I've never thought about it. It's your turn.

✨ What are the Orbs that open the gate? Did the King create the Gate or was it there before?

(did not think about the orbs or the gate beyond "plot that proves there was a journey before") Stop Asking Questions,,,, It's your turn,,,,,,

✨ Bonnie's dialogue is *extremely* accurate to how overexcited kids talk, which is really rare to see. Was that something that took a lot of effort to achieve, or did it come naturally to you?

Thank you <3 I'm just that good. Really, Bonnie is an adult with no filter, and less general knowledge. I'm very glad I managed to write Bonnie well, especially since. I haven't talked to a kid. Since I was one myself

✨ The Spoilery Concept Art. Blease

oh yeah. here have it all. this is what I gave Mimi to do the animated trailer!

✨ So. What's everyone's favorite shade.

FINALLY the question. Plus I can say shade names now. White = darkless, Black = lightless. Light and Dark is like light grey/ dark grey. Oh my god I'm checking my notes and I wrote a small event I never used about hair dye colors like "midnight dark", "tomato grey", "snow light" past me that's so fucking funny

Anyway, Siffrin loves darkless, Mirabelle is more of a light shade lover, Isabeau loves that lightless (BECAUSE ITS FASHIONABLE OK), Odile likes darker shades, and Bonnie also loves that lightless (BECAUSE ITS AS DARK AS MY SOUL OK)

✨ Are there any bugs you found during developments that you've made into features?

Two! The first one was the ability to ask Loop to just silently hang out during Act 4. I messed up the code and the game softlocked there, with Siffrin and Loop sitting there silently. I thought it was very sweet. They deserve a little quiet time.

The second was in Act 5 - the House map had a lot of issues with the Act 5 map bringing you back to the normal House map. So one of the testers got brought to the normal House map and didn't notice, and interacted with the Mirror on Floor 3, and it gave them the normal interaction with everyone seeing the mirror and taking a picture, and when they went to look at the picture in their inventory, it gave them the actual Act 5 picture. A little bit after they realized the game bugged out, and told me about it, and begged me to keep that in because they were very unsettled by it. So here it is! Beforehand, it was just Siffrin silently taking a picture, so I'm glad I changed it.

✨ Did you ever have emotional difficulty writing the more sensitive parts of the script, like Siffrin’s intrusive/negative thoughts, for one reason or another? Moreover, did you worry the script may be darker than your initial vision for it anticipated?

Not really. The Mirabelle and Odile hangout scenes were the hardest scenes by far because I really wanted to get them right, but everything else was about the same amount of difficulty. And actually, I wanted to go a little bit darker for the script, but I was worried it was going to be too dark... When it comes to the dagger event, I had a whole tangent about Siffrin thinking about the best way to strike, so to speak, but I deleted it because it was getting A Little Too Detailed. T rating come back to me

✨ For the questions you WON'T answer, did you have your own answers while making the game? Or were they left blank?

Some of them I do, some of them I don't!

✨ I loved this game and I want to replay it but I don't want Siffrin to go through everything again!

Here's a little fun fact I decided: if you hit the credits, you helped a Siffrin escape. If you start a new game, you are creating a new Siffrin that you can emotionally tortu-IIIIIIII MEAN, a new Siffrin that you can help. Do not worry about your Siffrins they are fine

✨ A lot of those answers ended up being "It's your turn", huh.

Yea <3 The answers to some of those questions ARE there if you look. Some just aren't. But you can imagine whatever you want. It's your turn! I finished the game! I'm done working! It's your turn!!!

✨ I loved ISAT and it made me feel so many feelings!

Thank you so much. I'm sorry if you sent a message or ask and I didn't answer it. I read every single one and cherish it! Thank you for playing and thank you for writing me a message!!!!! When I get a little down I look at all of those and I feel better. Thank you. I'm sorry I can't answer them all.

✨ What will you work on next?

I have a project I'm currently in the preproduction stages of. I don't want to talk about it until I feel like I have some stuff to show. Plus I still have to make the ISAT artbook and some other stuff, so it won't be for a while. Nonetheless, I hope you will enjoy it!!!

#in stars and time #in stars and time spoilers

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homestylehughes · 6 months ago

Text

forbidden love

pairing(s): nico hischier x fem!hughes sister

summary: what happens when they both want a love that's forbidden?

warnings: fluff, sooo much flufffff. nicos a cute little baby in this. shy, nervous and cute reader. use of pet names and y/n. cussing, implied smut 18+ intense makeout, nothing too heavy.

wc: 3.6k

an: hiiiiii loves!!! NICO FIC NICO FIC NICO FIC!!!! about damn time!! loveeee nico. hes so ?? to many words. i really enjoyed writing this. this is my first hughes sister story i've written, and i loveeee, hopefully you guys do too! i had trouble deciding if i should make this a cliffhanger or not... i kinda did but i think i want a part 2 if you guys want that!!! share your opinions, i love hearing them!! anyways i hope you enjoy, this might be my favorite piece yet. i hope you guys enjoy! like and reblog if you do, much love as always<3

happy reading <3

Nico knew he couldn't have you, but he wanted you anyway. Being Luke and Jack's older sister, made you off limits to anybody on the team, older or not. Nico had not always felt this way about you until recently.

Ever since Jack got drafted to the devils, and then luke, he started to see you at more fundraising events held by the devils, team outings whenever you were in town visiting. Stealing little glances at you when you were in the same room, being pulled in by your smile and how you moved your hands as you talked to anyone and everyone.

If that didn't already pull him into you even more, what did was, how you acted with the rest of the team treating all of the boys like they're our own family. Always greeting nico with a shy smile and hi, making conversation about anything, hockey related or not.

Nico was enhanced by you, but he couldn't have you, which brings you guys to this moment.

–

“Jack if you don't answer your phone, god help me” I yell shout out, as I call Jack for the 10th time in the span of 15 minutes. Already calling Luke’s phone around 30 times, still no answer. My hands are shaking as I type out random masses of texts to both of them.

So maybe taking an impromptu trip to see my brothers wasn't the best idea. living in vancouver had its perks, being close to Quinn was one of them but i missed my two younger brothers, or maybe i should say assholes since neither of them can answer their phones.

I'm standing outside their apartment soaked from head to toe, not thinking about the rain, nor was I thinking about the fact that they had moved, leaving me with no key to their place.

So I'm stuck, knowing there's nothing I can do. I pull my suitcase over to the wall, slowly and dramatically slide down the wall, letting out a deep sigh as I do. My phone is almost dead, I'm hungry, jetlagged, annoyed, cold, wet and so many other words right now.

Dropping my head into my arms that rest on my knees, deciding that this will be my final resting place, for tonight. I hear the elevator door ding open on the floor, not bothering to look up knowing it's neither jack or luke walking down the hall.

“y/n” I hear my voice with a thick accent say, knowing the voice I slowly lift my head up, locking eyes with the one and only Nico Hischier “Hi..” I mutter back embarrassed at the fact that look like a lost wet dog right now in front of him.

“Are you okay, did something happen?” he asks back as he begins to walk closer to me. “I uhh…wanted to surprise Jack and Luke but it seems like they aren't here.” i sign out, “to make it worse i don't have a key to their apartment, they're not answering my calls or texts. My phones almost dead and i'm covered in wet rain and i'm cold.'' I huff out the last part, my eyes beginning to fill with tears. I close my eyes quickly not wanting to look like a fool even more and cry in front of nico.

“Oh y/n”, expecting him to just stand there, instead he makes his way to me taking a seat on the ground next to me. "What are you doing nico?” I say, opening my eyes again, turning my head to lock my eyes with his. I get a good look at him for the first time since this, and fuck is he beatiful.

His deep voice snapping me out of my trance as he speaks, “sitting with you, what else does it look like.” he says followed with a soft chuckle. “Nico, you don't have to do that, I'm okay, you can go home, I'm sure you're tired.” instantly feeling bad he's wasting his night away with me out here.

“Jack and Luke would kill me if I left you out here by yourself”, “if I don't kill them myself” I say back my eyes now dropping back my feet. That earns a laugh from Nico, he has such a nice laugh, I think to myself. y/n, snap out of it and get it together.

Sitting up straighter, pulling my head to lean against the wall, mirroring nicos position. “Are you sure? You don't have too, i'm not even sure when they'll be back.'' I say looking at Nico, who's looking back at me. “Well I do have another idea,” he says, licking his lips before speaking again. “I live right down the hall, if you'd like you can stay with me until they come back.”

“Nico i can't do that, i feel bad”, “don't feel bad, i'm offering. I'm leaving you out here by yourself.” he repeated to me again. My heart picks up at his words. Taking a deep breath, I weigh my options in my head, knowing that this is probably the best option, but also my worst.

How am i going to survive with very, sweet, hot, sexy, nice, handsome, pretty, swiss caption of the new jersey devils, nico hischier? I'm probably not, but at least I'll die happy and not here.

“Okay, I'll come. Thank you so much nico.” I finally answered him, “dont worry about it, come on let's get you changed and warmed up i can't imagine how cold and tired you are” he says with a soft loving look on his face. Getting up before me, holding out his hand for me to grab, pulling me up from the floor. His hand feels so soft and warm in mine, I don't want to let go.

Pulling my hand out of Nico’s, I go to grab my suitcase, to follow him down the hall, before I can fully grab it Nico has it in his hands. “Nico..i can grab my own suitcase” “i know you can, but i want to do it, so i am” he says as he looks back at me smiling.

Ignoring how his smile made my whole body tingle, I sigh out and shake my head as a small smile breaks through on my lips, as I follow Nico down the hall.

Stopping at his place, only a few doors down from my brothers, popping in the key and turning the lock, quickly opening the door. He motions for me to go in first, I give him a small smile as I enter the apartment.

Taking in the place around me, pictures of his family and teammates over the walls, little nicnacs that fill the space, it feels like home. “Does my place give you your approval?” he says from behind me, “yes it does, jack and luke need to take a few home decor lessons from you.” that earns me another laugh from nico.

“Let me show you the guest bedroom” he says, leading me through the apartment, down a hall, opening a door which I assume is in the guest room. “Here's the guest room, hopefully it's okay and comfortable for you, I wasn't expecting anyone over anytime soon and i-” “Nico'' I say, cutting off his ramble. “It's perfect, thank you” I say walking in front of him, pulling him into a hug.

God, he smells so good. The way his warm body is wrapped around me like a warm blanket, I don't want to pull away, but I do after a few moments.

“You're welcome y/n” he says looking at me again, i can feel my heart beginning to heat up. Clearing his throat before looking away, “the bathroom is at the end of the hall, my room is at the beginning of the hall.” he says, while pointing in the direction. Nodding in understanding even though he can't see me.

“Feel free to shower and get changed, i'm going to head to the kitchen to start making dinner” he says now turning back to face me, “nicooo… you don't have to cook anything. You're already doing so much for me by letting me stay here, really”

“Now what kind of host would I be, if I let a pretty girl like you starve under my watch.” Nico replies with a teasing smile on his face. “A bad one i guess” I smile breaking through my face. “You called me pretty” I said again, my eyes never leaving his. “I did, because you are.” he says before walking out of the room, leaving me stunned.

“Do you have any special requests for dinner?” I hear him shout from the kitchen, popping my head out of the room, “no! Surprise me!” I replied.

This is dangerous, I can not think or find him attractive. He’s my brother's captain, teammate and also one of their closest friends. I have to keep it together.

I gather my things to take a shower, making my way to the bathroom, shutting the door and turning the shower on. I then work on peeling off my semi- wet clothes off my body, the relief filling my veins once they're finally off, finally making my way into the shower. The hot water relaxes my body instantly. Throughout the whole shower all of my thoughts are about Nico, and I'm going to act once I get out of here, making me nervous and feeling things. Things i shouldn't feel.

Turning off the shower, getting out and drying myself quickly. I began getting redressed again, clearing the mirror to take a look at myself, the old devils shirt i've had for god knows how long, that's probably three sizes too big, and shorts that you cant even see. Not bothering to pack pants, because I thought I would be staying with my brothers, not Nico.

Inserucies start to plague my mind but I push them down. brushing my hair, fixing my shirt, deciding that it's good enough. Grabbing my things before making my back to the guest bedroom. dropping off my things in the room before taking a deep breath making my way towards the kitchen.

Walking into the kitchen, nicos back is turned to me. A sight that I'm not complaining about seeing. The way his mussels are ripping through his shirt, is enough to make my mouth water. What I'm doing. Get it together.

Walking further into the kitchen, I get a better look at what he's cooking, pasta boiling the water and it looks like he's making a type of sauce. Smiling softly to myself, at how sweet he is.

“Do you need any help?” I say breaking the silence. Nico turned around quickly, a smile dancing on his face. “No, I'm okay, thank you though. How was your shower?” he asks before turning back to the stove again.

“It was good, thank you” I say, still standing awkwardly in the kitchen, not sure where to go or what to do. “I can feel your nerves from over here y/n.” nicos voice breaks through the kitchen as he speaks, “I'm sorry, I'm nervous.” I nervously laughed out loud. “Why?” Nico says as he circles his way around the counter leaning against it, in front of me.

“You make me nervous, I don't know how to act around you.'' I said truthfully to him, while looking in his eyes. “You make me nervous too, don't worry” he says as he looks me up and down, his gaze feels like summer sun on my skin, leaving trails of heat throughout my body.

“Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes, feel free to take a seat, or keep standing there checking me out. Either work for me” nico says to me, winking as he walks around the kitchen again. I'm frozen in place. What just happened? Is Nico flirting with me? The wink? Holy shit.

My mind and body are on fire, as I walk over to the island to sit down. Tension fills the air, I sit there for a few minutes trying to wrack my brain of something to say.

Nico beats me to it before I have the chance to open my mouth. “You look different” he says, back still turned towards me. “What do you mean by different? Is that a good or bad thing?”. “Not bad,” he replies now, turning to look at me, “just older, I'm not sure how to explain it, but you look good.”

“Thank you?” i say my cheeks are warming with blush. “You’re welcome” he hums back. “You look really good too” I say, Nico chuckles at me “shit, sorry. You look good like everything you know? Mussels, everything. I'm rambling, shit. this is embarrassing." I say, dropping my head into my hands with a groan.

“I found it cute, don't worry pretty girl.'' Turning around to get plates out of the cabinet. Pretty girl. Gosh he's making it harder to not go pounce on him right this second.

“Dinners done, are you ready to eat?” he says a few moments later, nodding my head at nico as he looks my way. Grabbing two plates filling them with the pasta he made , which looked so good. My stomach growling, reminding me how hungry I am.

Placing my plate in front of me, along with a glass of wine that I didn't even see him pour. “I think you might need this after today” he says justering to the wine, as he takes a seat next to me. “How'd you know?” I slowly laughed to him, “this food looks so good, nico. Thank you so much”

“You don't have to thank me, y/n but, you're very welcome.” he says to me. “Now eat, I heard your stomach growl in the kitchen.” he says in a teasing tone. My eyes widened, quickly grabbing my fork, and digging in. the flavors, melting on my tongue. I internally moan at the taste.”fuck this is so good” i say with a mouth half full. Forgetting Nico is right next to me, I'm quick to cover my mouth with my hand.

“I'm glad you enjoy it.” Nico says, smiling at me before taking another bite. Nico and I make small talk as we eat, talking about anything from hockey and my brothers to my job in Vancouver, and everything in between. Finding myself laughing and blushing more than I would have liked. Nicos charm pulled me in, and I couldn't find a care in me to stop falling for it.

“Thank you again for dinner nico” I say as he clears the plates. “Of course, not everyday I get to cook for thee, y/n hughes” “shut up” I laugh back at him.

“At least let me do those dishes, since you made dinner,” I say , making my way to the sink where Nico is standing. “No way, go sit back down,” Nico says, looking down at me. “I'm not taking no for an answer nico.” I say placing my hands on my hips, “fine, but I'll dry them.” he says, narrowing his eyes at me.

“I know why Jack and Luke say you're bossy”. “Hey now. I'm not that bossy, shut it” turning my body away from him as I speak. Turning on the sink, grabbing the sponge and soap, and began washing the plates in the sink.

Nico just chuckles in response. We began a system of wash, dry, wash dry. The silence is comfortable as we work in peace. It almost feels domestic? Something that I could get used to. y/n stop thinking about that. It will never happen.

“y/n” nico says snapping me out of my day dream, “hmm?” “You've been washing the same plate for the last 2 minutes. I'm pretty sure that it's clean ""oh!" I say looking down at the practically shiny plate in my hands, “here you go I'm sorry” handing him the plate, our hands grazing, making my heart rate speed up.

I have to get out of the kitchen, I say to myself. Turning off the water and drying my hands on the towel, stepping away from the sink, locking my eyes on my sock covered feet.

“Are you okay?” Nico asks me, raising my head to look at him. “Yes I'm okay, just tired,” I say softly. “I think I might head to bed, see if Jack or Luke responded to me or not.”

“Of course, feel free.” Nico says, while putting the dishes away. “Okay..thank you again for dinner, again. Goodnight.” I say as I make my way out of the kitchen, Nico following behind me. “Good night y/n.” he says to me with a small smile on his face, i smile in return and make my way to the guest room for the night.

Closing the door behind me, I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in. making my way over to the phone to see that neither jack or luke have responded to me, a frown falling on my face. I call them each again, even sending Quinn a text asking if he's heard of them.

Locking my phone, setting it back on the bedside table, I pull back the blankets settling into the bed. Slowly sinking into the comfort of the bed, I can feel the effects of today hitting my body. My eyes slowly closing, the one thing crossing my mind is nico.

Just as I'm able to fully close my eyes, I hear a knock on the door. Getting out of bed, opening the door to see a now shirtless nico in sweatpants standing in front me. Hair messy, like he's been running his hand constantly through it.

“Everything okay, did you need something?” I ask him, trying to keep my eyes on his face only. “Everything is fine, yes” he replies to me quickly. “Are you sure?” I ask again, feeling like he hasn't told me the whole story yet.

“Can I do something?” He asks me if I can feel his eyes looking at my lips, “yes?” I say swallowing quickly. Nico takes a step more, until he's directly in front of me, his face a few inches from mine.

“I shouldn't want to kiss you y/n '' he begins, my breath hitching as he places both of his hands on my hips, his thumbs tracing small circles on them. “I shouldn't have these thoughts about you. Youre jack and lukes older sister, fuck i should be thinking about you like this.” he says now locking his eyes with mine.

“I can't help myself though, everything about you is perfect. I want you all to myself.” one of his hands begins tracing up my side, making its way to the side of my neck holding it place, lifting my head to meet his face better.

“I want you so bad. I can't have you though. You're like a forbidden fruit that i want to taste and kiss and love so bad but i can't have you, and it's killing me.” he finishes dropping his head lower to mine, our faces now only a few centimeters apart.

“Who says you can't have me?” I say softly, not trusting my voice, trailing my hands around his neck. “What if I want you too?” I whisper out before connecting our lips together.

Nico is quick to respond, pulling my body flush against his, our lips dancing together. His hand trailing down to my ass, grabbing a handful of it before pulling away, smiling at me, “I've wanted to do that all day” he smirked at me, before connecting our lips together again. His tongue enters my mouth as we fight for dominance, deciding to let Nico win.

I began to walk backwards towards the bed, hoping Nico would follow. Before I know it he's picking me up, throwing me over his shoulder, walking down the hallway and tossing me on the bed in his bedroom.

I look at the room around me, taking in every detail, before locking eyes with nico who's now looking at me from above. The way his chain dangles in my face, and his brown eyes look in the dimly lit room, and how his chest rises and falls is a sight I want to see forever and forever.

“Take a picture, it'll last longer.” he smirks to me, “you're just so pretty” i say as i run my hands through his hair. “Isn't that something i'm supposed to say?” he asks as he begins to place soft kisses down my exposed neck.

“Maybe you could show me instead?” I say, pushing my lips to his again. His hands quickly fell underneath my shirt, tracing up my bare sides. I remove my hands from nicos hair, pushing myself up from the bed. Pulling off my shirt, throwing it somewhere behind us, clipping my bra, tossing it in the same direction as my shirt. Now leaving myself completely bare in front of nico besides my shorts.

Our chests are raising and falling together, our eyes locked. “y/n..” nico says to me breathlessly. “Fuck you’re so beautiful” his hands running along my bare sides and underneath my breasts. “Are you sure about this?” he asks me, our faces close together again, “i've never been so sure about anything in my life, Nico please touch me.” desperation in my voice dripping like honey.

A growl like noise rips through nico, as he reconnects our lips together again. His hands are everywhere, heat spreading all throughout my body. I feel him everywhere. I want him everywhere.

If he's a forbidden fruit, then why does it feel so good?

#nhl fanfiction #nhl hockey #nhl imagine #nhl x reader #nhl fic #new jersey devils #nico hischer x reader #nh13 #nico hischier #njd #nico hischier smut

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usagikookiejams · 8 months ago

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BEING AWAY FROM THEM FOR SOME WEEKS

Shiba Taiju, Sano Shinichiro, Haitani Ran

⚠️WARNING: Curse words, mentions of kill (no actual killing tho in this hc), 'crazy' behavior lol

SHIBA TAIJU

"When are you coming back, baby?," the guy on the other line inquired. "Can you like stop asking me same question for the past 2 weeks already?," you tsked. "Brat, I'm just asking ya know," you could feel him rolling his eyes by the tone of his voice. "Hehe sorry love, I promise I will come back ASAP once my event is done here. Mwah, TTYL!," you hung up. Fast forward, you came back to Japan after 4 days since the call. You arrived at Taiju's house a.k.a Black Dragon's HQ where you could see most of his subordinates were bandaged up. "What the...," your thoughts were interrupted upon hearing some yelling, HIS yell to be exact. You entered the house to witness Taiju beating up his subordinate with a baseball bat. "Care to explain?," you inquired which led to Taiju stopping his action, and the subordinate repeatedly bow at you while saying thank you. Kokonoi came into the frame while laughing, "He got WILD when you were not by his side, so he released the pent up stress towards these guys." Taiju let go of the bat and walked towards you, "Tch! They are lucky that you are here already. If not, I swear I could go rampage and kill half of these useless guys." You looked at him dead in the eyes while shaking your head, "You maniac, how do I even like you in the first place." Taiju just shrugged and took you to ride on his motorcycle while enjoying your presence again.

SANO SHINICHIRO

You were watering the plant in your parents' garden when suddenly your phone started ringing. You went to retrieve them before greeting the other person on the line, "Hello babe!." You could hear rustling which may indicates that the person was still in bed. "Hey darling, I miss you so much! Can you come home by today? Ahhh I literally haven't eaten properly since you left," which continued by the sounds of Emma's nag telling him to get his ass off the bed and go to work already. You could hear a loud 'hey gimme back!' before Shinichiro's voice was replaced with Emma's on the other line, "Hey Y/N, when are you coming back? This lazybum has been off his job for 3 weeks now, reasoning that he doesn't have enough energy to work. Ugh I really hate to tell you this but can you please please PLEASE come back ASAP. Istg he has been losing a lot of weight already ugh!." You talked with them for some minutes more before having to hang up. You felt guilty and tried to talk about it with your parents, in which they agreed that you should go back home to Shinichiro as your mom has been getting better from her sickness. Thus, the next day, you arrived at Tokyo. You didn't tell Shinichiro about your plan so upon seeing your face by the main door, Shinichiro dropped to his knees to hug your legs tightly while crying like a baby. "Please don't leave me ever again! If you need to go to your hometown, bring me with you so that we will not be separated huwaaa 😭😭," he messily crying, ruining your pants with his tears and snots. You just laughed at his behavior but still agreeing to his suggestion. "Ahh, this man is gonna be the death of me lol," you monologued in your head.

HAITANI RAN

You wouldn't lie that leaving this house in the hands of Ran's is really.... unnerving. This man literally loves to cause trouble at home, which most of the time leading you to feel like dying is a better option. Why is that? Cuz this man lovessSSS to pull 'harmless' pranks that drive you crazy, like right now; "Babeee, do you think the fish in the fish tank could survive if I put a sprinkleee of chilli flakes in the water?," Ran showed you the fish tank via the facetime. "Don't you dare Ran! That is MY fish so don't do this crazy shit unless you don't want me coming home again," you threatened him. "Hmmm...," he walked closer to the tank while shaking what seems like the small container of the chilli flakes you frequently use. "AHHH! ISTG DON'T!!," you screamed at him while saying profanity words. "HAHAHAHHA!!," you could see his camera shaking from his laugh, he later on flipped the camera to front facing him. "Dumbass babygirl, I would never do bad shit like that to animals you know 😔. Though I kill people on a daily basis. What kind of a maniac do you think I am? ☹️," he jutted his lower lip faking sadness. You glared at him through the screen while 'promising' that you are going to beat his ass once you come back. In the end, that promise was fulfilled by you beating his back with the frying pan he bought you on your birthday <3

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2thestars-andbeyond · 2 months ago

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Little Rabbit Part 2

This Is not well edited! But enjoy part 2. Hope you like it!

A knock on my door ripped me from my thoughts. I had confined myself to my room for the past three days, resting from my training with Rhysand.

The door burst open before I had a chance to get up from my seat in front of the large window in my room. Mor and Amren along with Nesta entered the room.

"We thought you were dead." Amren purred as she took a seat on my bed.

"Just inside." I said as I gave her a smile.

I told them of my accidental adventure to the Autumn Court. "It was so beautiful there." I told them and Mor scoffed.

"Honestly, you are lucky you made it out alive especially at the hands of Eris." Mor said and Nesta hummed in agreement.

I shrugged. "Eris was polite. And I'm lucky he found me instead of someone else." I shivered as I remembered how his hands had felt. Now isn't the time to start daydreaming about the Heir again.

"I know how charming Eris can be. But you can't let him get to you." Nesta said sternly. I rolled my eyes at her.

"So what's this I hear about a Masquerade ball? I over heard Rhys and Feyre talking about it this morning." Mor asked.

"Something to do with the Autumn Court. They got the invitation yesterday." Amren informed us.

"Of course it would be the Autumn Court." Mor groaned. "Looks like volunteering to baby sit Nyx that night."

How I got roped into dress shopping with my sisters for this Masquerade was beyond me. I think they may have bribed me with coffee from my favorite shop. But here I stood in the middle of the most elaborate dress shop in Velaris.

I hated shopping, even as a human. Nesta and Elain would always be the ones to pick out my dresses for these types of events. Always dressing me in purples and blues. Night Court colors. After looking at what seemed like a million dresses, a green dress caught my eye.

It was silk and the greenest green I've ever seen. The split may be a little too high for my liking, but it was beautiful. After trying it on, I knew it was the dress. I picked out gold jewelry to go with it. My last purchase was a mask. It had to be a rabbit. Full face gold one that only showed my lips and eyes, it was perfect.

"Are you sure you want to go with the green dress, Y/N?" Elain asked softly before we left the shop. "Shouldn't you wear A Night Court color? Purple always brings out the shade of your eyes."

"The dress is bold. I don't think I've seen you in anything like it." Feyre said.

"A color is a color. Plus, i've grown tired of always wearing the same shades of dark colors."

After buying our findings, or putting them on Rhysands tab, we arrived at the River House for Family dinner. It was always nice to have us all together. I walked into the large dinning room with Nyx on my hip.

"Momma" He cooed as I handed him off to Feyre.

Since my usual seat next to Azriel had been stolen by Elain, I took her usual one across from Feyre. Lucien entered the room awkwardly and took the seat to my right. He wasn't usually here for these meals, or meals at all, but he had been working with Rhysand on something that I wasn't allowed to know. Nothing new there.

I always feel bad for him having to be around his mate while she pines over another male. Though, he seems to handle it well enough. I'm sure the bond isn't as strong as it used to be.

Food appeared before us and everyone started to dig in. Nyx taking a spoon full of potatoes and chucking them towards Cassian was the highlight of the night thus far.

"You little-" He exclaimed as everyone scolded him before he finished the sentence.

"It's every time we have potatoes!." He says while taking his napkin and wiping them off his face. "I swear one of you is putting him up to it." Cassian points his fork accusingly at everyone at the table.

"We will leave tomorrow for the Autumn Court." Rhys says. "The ball starts after sunset."

"Y/N, Rhysand and I were talking and we both agree that it not safe for you to attend the ball." Feyre said, carefully.

"But I already have my dress and my mask."

Rhysand sighed, "Eris seemed to take too much of a liking to you, Y/N. I can't take the chance of something happening while we are there."

Choosing to be the better person, I replied with a simple, "Fine" that was laced with venom. And left to plan a way to attend the Masquerade Ball against my sister and High Lords wishes.

The next morning I had it all planned out. I had winnowed myself to the Autumn Court by myself before, so why couldn't I do it again? I ate breakfast and lunch in my room, hoping everyone thought I was too pissed off to eat with them.

I fixed my hair into a fancy up do not focusing too much on makeup. after applying a deep red color to my lips, I turned to my dress. Why was I doing this again? Going against my sister and more importantly Rhysand could get me in a lot of trouble. And what if I get caught? What if someone notices me? We all know how big of a busy body Azriel can be and his shadows tell him everything. Was my mask enough to hide behind?

Truthfully, I had to see him again. He has haunted my dreams and every thought since we met. I was going to that ball. Over grown bats be damned.

I stuffed a change of regular clothes into a bag that I planned on hiding behind the bar at Rita's, thanks to a friend. And from there I winnowed to the Autumn Court, hoping I wouldn't end up in the middle of the woods again.

Opening my eyes I found myself outside of the ball entrance. I sighed, relieved that I hadn't ended up in the forest again.

Upon entering the elaborate wooden doors, I took a drink I was offered. A drink that is only found in Autumn Court the small female said. I downed it, coughing at the strong cinnamon flavor. I gave her a small "Thank You" Before going deeper into the room. I hadn't paid any attention to what masks my family had bought to wear.

Something that did stand out in the crowd of masked Fae were wings. Two sets of them, and I was walking right into their path. I turned around quickly. Coming in contact with something solid. A person. Male. wearing an elaborate fox mask. I stood gaping at him like a scared rabbit that had been caught by a predator.

"Hello little rabbit" The male purred sending goosebumps through me. It was him. Cassians booming laugh came from behind me.

"Rhysand, I'm so glad you could make it." Eris greeted them.

"Thank you Eris, we were glad for the invitation, though I believe that Masquerades that have been thrown in the Night Court were a lot more, put together if you will." Rhysand took Feyres arm and led her to the dancefloor. None of them seemed to notice me.

"Care to dance?" Eris asked offering me his hand, I took it too eagerly. Causing him to chuckle.

The night went on as I stayed on the dance floor with Eris. We didn't talk just danced. Song after song played as he twirled me around the dance floor. Throughout the night I made share to keep up with each of my family members to ensure that I left before them. So I could be home when they got.

"Would you like a drink?" Eris asked. I nodded my head and we walked hand and hand to the drink table. He handed me a glass and motioned towards the balcony. The cold night air hit my over heated skin.

"So, little rabbit, are you enjoying yourself tonight?"

"I am" I replied scared to say too much. What if he remembered what my voice sounded like?

"You are a creature of very little words, hm?" He mused.

"It is a Masquerade ball, isn't the point of the whole night not knowing much about who you are dancing with?" I uttered and he hummed in agreement.

Eris faced me and placed his hand under my chin, lifting my face so that I met his gaze. "Do I know you from somewhere? Something about you seems so familiar."

"I- this is my first time in your Court." I lie.

Eris shakes his head "And you attend a ball by yourself?"

Panic takes over. He's going to figure me out. Just as I open my mouth, a couple catch my eye. Hidden on the other side of the large balcony, I pair of wings catch my eye. And then a female. Azriel and Elain. Kissing.

I let out a shocked noise which makes them pull apart from each other and they return to the dance. "Do you know them?" Eris asks.

"No- I." It was then that I noticed that I had lost sight of my family. I entered the ball room, they were no where to be seen.

"Little rabbit?" Eris grabs for my hand.

"I have to leave." I declare. Turning to walk out.

"But the night has just begun."

"I know. I just-"

"What? Have to get back home before you turn into pumpkin?" He jokes.

"No I just have to go. I bid you goodnight, Prince Eris." I turn to leave the movement so fast that my mask falls to the ground.

"Wait, Little rabbit you lost your-" was the last words I heard before winnowing back to Rita's.

@sunny1616 @rcarbo1 @jesskidding3 @bella-maria2018 @lilah-asteria

#eris vanserra #eris vanserra x reader #acotar x reader #acotar fanfiction #eris vanserra x oc #acotar x you #acotar #acotar x oc

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cinnajun · 1 year ago

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ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: 365 days | pgw

summary | the first year of your relationship with park gunwook, quantified by 12 separate events.

genre | park gunwook x fem!reader, high school!au, very slice of life, fluff, angst, y/n is bisexual, roughly 1 month has passed in between every part

warnings | jealousy + attempted sabotage, the horrors of girlhood (insecurity, slight mention of beauty standards, comparison)

wc | 12.7k

a/n: if you listen close enough you can hear me screaming in agony ++ can someone please remind me how to think up ideas that don't require several thousands of words

ft. youngeun and yeseo from kep1, boys planet/redstartz junhyeon, ppl i made up

i. confession

Tears bunch in your eyes as you sit behind your school building, the intensifying heat of spring embracing you like a warm hug. You feel devastated like someone had just stabbed you through the heart and left you to bleed.

“I think you’re overreacting, [First].” Youngeun’s voice is gravelly over the phone yet still uneasy, overall impacted by the sound of her gym class. Yeseo, who’s sitting next to you, hummed, although you weren’t sure if she was agreeing with Youngeun or not. “I mean, is it so bad he knows? It was bound to happen, probably.”

“Well, no, it wasn’t,” you stuttered, trying to keep the urge to sob and scream at bay. “And, to be fair, that’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about what else Yukyung was telling people without me knowing.”

Youngeun begins to speak but doesn’t get more out than a squeak, and you can almost imagine her opening and closing her mouth in an instant. Yeseo picks up the slack, saying, “Well, it’s worse to assume than to deal with the facts. Yukyung, for whatever reason, told Gunwook about your crush on him and showed him the texts, and it’s getting out among our classmates. In my opinion, there’s one course of action you should take.”

“Which is?”

“Youngeun tells Gunwook that you want to talk to him after school, and then you talk to him after school.”

You groaned audibly and Youngeun gasped, presumably in horror. You stared at her in exasperation, letting a single tear fall down your face. Yeseo wiped it off with her cardigan’s sleeve, frowning at you. “I mean, the worst that could happen is that he doesn’t feel the same way and you feel embarrassed for a couple of months. And we all unfriended Yukyung pretty much instantly, so she won’t be around anymore.”

“Doesn’t matter, still happened,” you replied. “I don’t want to see him ever again. I’d rather die than see him again.”

Yeseo put a hand on your back, while Youngeun yelped at the sound of a basketball hitting the closet she was hiding in. “I’ll ask him, and you’re gonna do it, [First]. You can’t skip a week of school during the first week of school.”

“Who said I was going to skip?”

“Every time you’re minorly embarrassed by something you skip school,” Yeseo said, looking at you like you were insane. “Like that one time you got a bad score on our math midterms during our first year and the teacher asked you what happened in front of everyone, so you skipped 2 days and sulked in your room.”

“That was warranted,” Youngeun commented, which caused Yeseo to glare at the phone. “But! Not the point. For all you know, Gunwook could like you back, and you’ll be able to say you had a boyfriend in high school. Right?”

“The chances of that are incredibly low,” you whined, drawing your knees up to your chest and burying your head in between them. “We’ve barely even talked. We just sit kind of next to each other during our cram classes, and that’s it.”

“He could be delusional too!”

“Are you calling me delusional?”

“The bell is about to ring,” Yeseo cut in, grabbing your phone out of your hands. You immediately popped out of your fetal position, reaching for it as quickly as you could. “Youngeun, leave the supply closet and ask him, please. Pick a location and text the groupchat. [First] and I have to go back to the classroom so we don’t get in trouble for skipping our study block.”

With that, she hung up and left you to your devices. The day passed agonizingly slowly after that, and you found yourself struggling to focus on anything your teacher said. At some point during your study block, Yukyung had left, leaving you alone at your desk with no seatmate to annoy or watch (not that you wanted her there, anyway) for the day. That was likely out of embarrassment, too, as now your classmates, who generally liked you, weren’t as sure on how to deal with the newfound information.

The only other thing worth noting was that, during your 5-minute break in between classes, Yeseo told your homeroom teacher what happened and she approved you switching hers and Yukyung’s desks after school, but, other than that, you felt your sanity whittling away by the minute.

Youngeun had haphazardly chosen a tree behind the gym, typically reserved for successful confessions, because she’d been staring at it out the window as she talked to Gunwook (which she described as the scariest conversation of her life) and didn’t know where else would work.

According to her, he’d blushed as she asked, accepting on the pretense that it wouldn’t take long because he promised his older brother that he’d get dinner with him that night. Initially, you lamented over the fact that you wouldn’t have anyone to stare at during your after-school classes, but it quickly dawned on you that he thought you were going to confess to him (which was true—you were going to confess to him).

Then, when you got done with class for the day, one of your classmates—Gyuvin—hit you on the shoulder on the way out with a quick “good luck!”

It took Yeseo dragging you to the gym and offering you $20 and a free fun drink afterward for you to get used to the idea you were doing this, and about another 3 minutes of you panicking at her in a hushed whisper while she told you to get over yourself. Then, Youngeun sprinted over, panting and still half in her gym clothes.

“You didn’t change after gym?”

“Not the focus! You’re actively making him wait!” she choked out, apparently exhausted from her mad dash. You rolled your eyes, dropping your bag down next to them and taking a deep breath.

“If I throw up on him, I’m going to kill you.”

With that, you began your death march to the tree, where Gunwook stood, scrolling through his phone. The sight of him made your stomach explode with butterflies, which you tried to shut down given your (supposed) fate of rejection. You were mentally preparing yourself to be in turmoil for the next few days, but deep down, all you wanted was to rewind time to when you told Yukyung about your silly, little crush and stop it from ever happening.

Your crush on Gunwook was never meant to go anywhere but your brain, and now you were walking up to him, about to pour out feelings that were half-manufactured by Yukyung convincing there was a future that would come with them.

“Hi,” you managed, causing Gunwook to spin around and shove his phone in his pocket.

“Hi,” he replied, scratching his neck as if he was unsure what to do with his hands. “Um, how are you?”

It was a stupid question, and you could tell he knew that. Of course you wouldn’t be doing well—one of your best friends told the entire world (him, and then one of his friends leaked it to the rest of the school) your entire life story (a single crush).

“Could be better.”

“Yeah.”

You looked off to the side, seeing Gyuvin and Junhyeon, who you knew were close to him, watching from a second-story window in the school building. You tried to ignore it, but you knew you’d hyperfocus on it now.

“Look, I’m sorry,” you finally breathed out, twiddling your thumbs. “Yukyung—I don’t know what to say that you don’t already know. I guess I have a bit of a crush on you. Sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” he asked, sounding genuinely perplexed. You looked back up at him, shrugging.

“Well, it’s weird. We don’t really know each other, and then a girl you don’t know very well is suddenly telling you that I’m head over heels for you.”

“You’re not?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it that way, no. Just a crush. Not much else.”

You thought there would be a weight off your shoulders once you managed to say it to his face, but it was, quite literally, the opposite. Your stomach was tightening up and your throat was closing, but you didn’t move, just staring him in the face.

“So it would be awkward if I professed my undying love for you right now.”

You flinched at that, frowning. “That was kind of mean.”

Gunwook’s face dropped when you said that, and he shook his head rapidly. “No, not—I wasn’t making fun of you, I swear. I promise. It was a bad way of saying I have a crush on you too. Sorry. Uncalled for. Didn’t mean it.”

The words fell from his mouth like an avalanche, and all you could do was stare at him in awe. “Wait, really? Why?”

“Why? I don’t know. We spend a lot of time together, even if we don’t talk often,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “We were in the same class for our first year, then we started at the same cram school, and now we sit near each other. You’re entertaining to watch when you’re taking notes.”

“You stare at me in class?” you asked, genuinely shocked at his admission. You thought you stared at him enough during the same classes that it was impossible he could’ve been doing the same thing. Apparently, he was good at catching you when you weren’t watching his every move. “Creep.”

“Like you don’t? If I’m a creep, what are you? You’re way worse than I am,” he replied. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. What now?”

You tapped your chin, looking back over at the window Gyuvin and Junhyeon had been in. They were gone now, presumably to meet Gunwook when your conversation was over. “We could try being a ‘thing.’”

“A thing?”

“I don’t think we know each other well enough for like—I don’t know, for me to call you boyfriend,” you replied. “So we can just be a ‘thing.’ No strings attached! And we can go on a date or two. Maybe.”

“A date or two? Whereabouts?”

You smiled, and he did too; you were shocked at how well he managed to goad information out of you. You tended to say things but never follow up on them, not unless you were pestered over and over again—it had taken Yeseo nearly a year to get it down.

“Do you like the zoo? Recently, I’ve been wanting to go to the zoo. They have a new baby bear—cub?—that I wanna see. Perhaps on Sunday? Are you free then?”

“I might be free on Sunday,” he said, handing his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked it, pressing a couple of buttons before handing it to you with an empty contact screen open. “How about we talk about it later? I’m late for meeting my brother.”

You typed in your name and number, sending yourself a quick text so you’d be able to initiate if you felt he didn’t text you fast enough. “Sounds good to me. I’ll see you later. Tell your brother I said hello.”

“Okay, sounds good,” Gunwook chuckled. He reached out and ruffled your hair, giving you a wide, bright smile that could’ve overpowered the sun if he tried hard enough. “I’ll see you later, so we can start our ‘thing.’”

“Yup, bye-bye. See you tomorrow.”

ii. lunchtime

You and Gunwook, mostly on purpose, don’t spend a lot of time together at school. Sometimes, you say hi and smile at him when you walk into his classroom to grab Youngeun, but, other than that, you keep it separate.

For one thing, it makes it easier to keep it “no strings attached,” as you’d proclaimed the day Yukyung briefly ruined your life, but it also was somewhat fun for you and him to not address what happened. Thanks to Gyuvin, half—if not all—of your grade had heard about it, and someone had spotted the both of you under that god-forsaken tree, but you hadn’t said a thing.

For you two, it was like nothing had happened, and, for everyone else, it was like a bomb they were just hoping would go off. It was fun—like you were living out a cliche, teen drama.

So, when Gunwook sauntered into your classroom in the middle of your lunch period, proudly holding a bottle of special juice you briefly talked about wanting, you were somewhat shocked. For the most part, you weren’t mentally prepped to interact with him during the day, especially as Yukyung watched on with her new couple of friends from the corner of the room.

You, Youngeun, and Yeseo stared at him as he approached, Gyuvin following close behind. He put the drink down in front of you, a proud smile on his face. “Look,” he said, gesturing towards it, so you looked. It was a brand of juice—they advertised it as a “smoothie,” but it was just slightly thicker juice—that you’d enjoyed a lot on a trip to the United States that you’d gone on a while back.

You hadn’t seen it once in Korea, even after taking Yeseo with you to search for it for hours. “Where in the world did you get this?” you spluttered out, picking it up. It was chilled, too, as if he’d been keeping it in a refrigerator (or, an insulated lunch box with an ice pack in it).

“He didn’t,” Gyuvin snorted, putting an arm around Gunwook’s shoulder. “Junhyeon did while he was in Busan this weekend.”

Gunwook hit him hard on the chest, clearing his throat. “Do you like it? Are you excited?”

“The right flavor and everything,” you replied, a surge of joy running through you. “Thank Junhyeon for me, okay?”

Gunwook scoffed, mumbling, “It’s not like I didn’t pay him back twice the price or anything,” under his breath. You held up your fist, to which Gunwook stared at it, somewhat dumbfounded.

“What?”

“You want a fist bump from me?” he asked incredulously. You nodded, exaggerating the movements to make it seem like he was missing the obvious. So, he bumped your fist with his, shaking his head. “See you after school, [First].”

“Yup, I’ll see you.”

And you watched him walk out, Gyuvin in tow—and, from the corner of your eye, you saw Yukyung watching his every move, up until he left the classroom.

iii. field trip

The third-year field trip was something you’d looked forward to for a long time—as a way to force students to take a break from their studying, your school sent all the first years to some fun location, paying for most of it with donations they got from alumni and parents.

This year, they’d had the bright idea to send you all to Hawaii, which had been both shocking and exciting. The farthest they’d ever sent anyone was Jeju, and that was a few years ago; but, they’d got some huge donation this year and decided to splurge.

So far, the trip had been fun, for the most part. On the airplane, you’d forced Gunwook to sit next to you so that you could hold his hand every time the plane shook (he’d laughed at you over your fear of turbulence, but you were too aware of the fact that he was rubbing your hand with his thumb to care). Almost all of your classmates, to whom you had not disclosed the nature of your “thing” yet, had stared at you every time they walked past. About halfway through, Youngeun, who’d volunteered to be the third wheel, leaned over and told you she was pretty sure the news was making its way down the plane, and people were getting up to fact-check it for the row members.

“That’s stupid,” Gunwook laughed, pulling your hand onto his tray table. “Doesn’t everyone know [First] is just afraid of planes? Nothing else going on here, not at all.”

Then Yeseo had popped her head above her seat and turned around to face you, an eyebrow raised. “Have you two kissed yet?” she’d asked out of nowhere, to which you shrugged.

“Why would we kiss when nothing is going on?”

Then, upon arrival, you and Gunwook had sat next to one another on the bus to the hotel, to which you’d promptly fallen asleep on his shoulder (since you didn’t sleep much on the plane) for the entire ride. You woke up to him holding your hand again, scrolling through his phone haphazardly.

After that, you’d had all eyes on the both of you—when you got to the hotel, while you were listening to your teachers give instructions, while keys were being handed out. And, as a result of what you assumed was anxiety over not knowing English, Gunwook and his two friends, Junhyeon and Gyuvin, followed you, Yeseo, and Youngeun around for the entire trip.

Then, on the third day of the trip, Gunwook asked if you’d want to go on a date with him. The idea was silly to you—not because you didn’t want to, but because you were two teenagers going on a date on your almost-all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii.

That’s what you were doing now. It was the day before you were to head back home, and Gunwook had, for lack of a better word, taken you out. To a fancy restaurant—where he made you translate the entire menu and order for him—and to get some sort of fancy pineapple dessert afterward. Now, you were strolling on the beach, watching the sun fall below the horizon slowly but surely.

“How much longer until curfew?” you asked, turning around to face him. You continued walking backward, lacing your hands together behind your back.

“About half an hour. We’re close enough to the hotel that we don’t have to start walking back now, but we should think about it soon.”

You hummed, stopping abruptly. You faced the shoreline, listening to the sound of the waves draw in and out like breaths from a sleeping person. It was so alive, yet not at the same time, and it mesmerized you; you’d never seen an ocean like this before.

“You look pretty tonight,” he mused, staring at you rather than the ocean. You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the comment.

“Look at yourself in the mirror.”

“I’m not pretty, I’m beautiful, thank you very much.”

A question was bubbling up in your throat now, much like the water in front of you. You felt a surge of anxiety wash through your stomach, and you were mentally transported back to that tree from a couple of months ago. The pure embarrassment you felt was gone and replaced with a sort of hope that was more painful than uplifting, as if it was a glass cup teetering on the edge of a table.

“I have a question,” you started, banishing the unease from your stomach.

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. He wouldn’t look away from you, no matter how much you tried to focus on the sight in front of you. A crooked smile bloomed on his face which should’ve quelled your worries in an instant, but, for some reason, it only made them worse. “I suppose I have an answer for you.”

“Do you?”

“I just might, if you manage to ask the question.”

“Okay, here I go,” you said, mustering up all your courage and turning to face him. His eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and you immediately felt discouraged just looking at him. He was right—he was beautiful, almost impossibly so. Yet, here you were, boring and average, barely even able to hold a T to him. Plus, the only reason you were even here was because someone you’d considered a best friend had told him you liked him, and now you were getting into your head over something that was long over.

His smile dropped a bit when he (most likely) realized you were panicking a bit, but he didn’t say anything, simply waiting patiently for you to continue. You forced yourself to regain focus, shaking your head as the image of Yukyung permeated in your mind. He grabbed both of your hands as a way to help soothe the worry, and it worked as well as it could, pulling you back into reality.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend, maybe?” you finally asked, watching as his face lit up against the sun.

“Do I?” he asked back, allowing himself to smile fully. “This is the best question I’ve ever been asked. Seriously.”

“Seriously?”

Gunwook giggled, swinging your hands around a bit. “Can I kiss you? Pretty please?”

“Can you?” you mimicked, feeling the heat rising in your cheeks. Gunwook giggled again, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips. It was slow and sweet, his lips soft and tasting slightly of the pineapple you’d had earlier. He laughed and smiled through the entire thing, squeezing your hands in delight before letting go and wrapping his hands around your waist. As cliche as it was, you draped your hands around his neck, starting to giggle too.

When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against yours, still chuckling in delight. “This is so exciting,” he said, rocking you back and forth on the sand. “I’m so excited. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this for my entire life, you know? Even if I’ve only known you for three years. I can’t explain it—it’s unexplainable. I’m so excited.”

“You know what, I’m getting the idea you might be excited.”

And Gunwook shut you up with another elated kiss, ending your night in an impenetrable wall of pure joy.

iv. sleepover

Your parents were adventurers and you decidedly weren’t, which often meant you had your house to yourself. It was nice, mostly because it allowed you to spread out all your study stuff on the dining room table and do all of your work right then and there without your parents talking to you every 20 seconds.

Sometimes, though, things didn’t go as planned, and you had to do things you didn’t want to do. Namely, spend the night in the house completely alone. Every creak or thump made your heart beat out of your chest, which ended up in you taking a knife and a flashlight through the entire house with the emergency number pre-dialed.

Oftentimes, it ended with you not sleeping and then having to miss school because of over-exhaustion.

You were sitting in your living room while on the phone with Gunwook (he claimed you were moral support for his studying) when your mom texted you, the message starting with a bunch of emojis, which was her way of beginning a message with bad news.

“Oh god,” you said, cutting through the hour-long silence you’d maintained with your boyfriend.

“Huh? What’s up?”

“My mom texted me. There’s some huge accident on the freeway, so they’ve got the entire thing blocked off. Traffic is awful on other routes so they’re just going to pull off to a motel and sleep there tonight.”

“Oh no,” he said, and you could tell he was preoccupied with whatever math problem he was doing. “House to yourself, I guess?”

“I’m glad it’s Saturday,” you said, frowning. “I’m not gonna get any sleep tonight.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like being completely alone in the house. I’m convinced someone’s gonna come in and kill me.”

“Hmm,” Gunwook hummed, pausing briefly. “I could come over and stay the night? I’ll leave early in the morning so they don’t find out I was there.”

Realistically, you knew you should say no because the chance of your parents finding out about Gunwook terrified you, but you had poor judgment and liked your boyfriend too much to turn down seeing him. “Would you actually? It’s kind of late, and I wouldn’t want to make you walk that much in the dark.”

“It’s not that far of a walk,” he said, and you could hear him packing his school stuff already. The sound of pencils clinking against pencils and books closing made you feel all warm and fuzzy—instead of studying for the test that was going to decide his fate as an adult, he was coming to make sure you felt comfortable and safe.

“Oh yeah, because 30 minutes is ‘not that far.’ Just get it over with and tell me you’re in love with me.”

Gunwook cleared his throat at your quip, choking on air. You snickered, finding how flustered he got at the “L-word” quite cute (as if you wouldn’t do the same thing). “I’ll be there shortly.”

He hung up the phone without saying bye, most likely out of embarrassment, which made you feel proud of yourself. And, true to his word, he showed up about fifty minutes later, balancing his school backpack on one arm and another bag on the other. “Do you know how hard it is to jump out of your window with two bags?” he asked, walking into your house as if it was his own. You wondered if he cared about the fact that he’d never actually been inside before, given he’d only ever walked you home, but you assumed his unwillingness to do his usual hello-and-hug meant he was somewhat flustered by it.

“Are you moving in, or something? What’s in the bags?”

“Well, I can’t stay the night without all my nighttime stuff,” he huffed, breezing past you and dropping his bags off next to the stairs. You watched him look around frantically, and you somewhat assumed that he’d hung up on you because he’d realized what exactly he had suggested and had no way of backing out of it now (you hoped he hadn’t even thought about backing out).

“You’re such a diva,” you scoffed, shuffling back into your living room and returning to your position on the couch. He sat next to you, leaning against the armrest and putting his legs on top of yours. You rolled your eyes, picking up the remote and pressing play.

“So, what are we watching?”

“Whatever romcom was playing when I turned the TV on,” you replied, keeping your focus on the screen. Suddenly you were feeling embarrassed even though you’d been feeling so egotistical a second ago, as you were realizing you were in more danger here than he was. He’d successfully snuck out (or so he said, but you were pretty sure he probably told his mom and then snuck out the window to avoid his dad finding out), but your parents lived here, and if they got here before you were expecting them, it was over for you.

It dawned on you that you needed to find out when they were planning on getting back, so you wrenched your phone out of your pocket, furiously typing to your mother. Gunwook noticed, pointing at you and laughing. “You were so high and mighty a second ago, and now look at you. Somebody realized they’re going to be in bigger shit than I am.”

“Shut your mouth,” you hissed, watching the little bubble that indicated your mom was typing.

“Maybe we should send her a selfie, huh? Just so she knows a random teenage boy that she doesn’t know is in her house,” Gunwook continued, sucking all of the confidence you’d once had out of the air. “She’d be super excited, right?”

“If you’re not out of my house by 5:30 tomorrow morning, I’m going to break up with you,” you announced, glaring at him. He made a face at you, shaking his head.

“Be glad I like you so much. Waking up at 5:30 is brutal. I didn’t even do that when Gyuvin got his appendix out and texted me thirty times to ask if I’d be there when he got out of surgery.”

“You liar, Gyuvin literally told me that you showed up with flowers and a get-well-soon card.”

Gunwook blushed at that, clearing his throat. “Okay, whatever, fine. Let’s just watch the movie.”

The two of you got about twenty minutes of the romcom in before he checked the time and announced that you were both going to sleep. You said he could go on his own—midnight was early for both of you, and you weren’t the one waking up at 5:30—but he got all whiney, turning the TV off and picking you up from the couch.

You’d gone through the motions of your nighttime routine together, with Gunwook’s being about fifty steps longer than yours. You ended up sitting on the floor while he put on a million serums and waited thirty minutes in between each one, claiming it was to “let each product soak into his skin.”

You texted Youngeun and Yeseo about it, not thinking about the implications behind waiting for him to finish his skincare routine. Immediately, they began blowing up your phone, and you promptly muted your group chat and their individual text threads, not wanting to deal with the onslaught of questions they were likely unleashing onto you.

Then, you looked up to see Gunwook putting on a lip mask. Knowing it was probably the last step in his routine, you hopped up from the floor, staring at the small, pink container that the gel lived in. “Oh, I’ve always wanted to try that out,” you said, not thinking about it too hard. “Is it nice? Does it work?”

“Shouldn’t you know better than anyone whether it works or not?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. You slapped him hard on the shoulder, causing him to yelp in pain. “Okay, geez, yes, it works. Do you want to try some?”

“Oh, can I—”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Gunwook leaned down and kissed you somewhat hard, almost causing you to stumble back a bit. Either way, you almost immediately broke it off, incredibly flustered at the act. You slapped him again, although this time it was a million times weaker. “You’re so stupid, oh my god, you cliche loser.”

“Be grateful I was willing to give you any, this stuff is expensive,” Gunwook said, cackling. He put a bit more on his finger, rubbing it into his lips to compensate for what he lost from kissing you. “I thought you liked kissing me, no?”

“I also like the thought of you getting hit by a train. These things aren’t mutually exclusive,” you huffed, looking to the side. “Whatever. I’m going to my room.”

“Ooh, me too,” he said, draping an arm around your shoulders as you walked past him. He kept himself in step with you, flicking the bathroom light switch off as you both exited the room.

“Who said we’re sleeping in the same room?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. Gunwook laughed in your face, causing you to frown.

“Okay, sure, but one noise and you’ll be prancing into the guest room like a scared dog.” “Who said I had a guest room? Go to the couch.” You wiggled out from under his arm, opening the door to your bedroom and flicking the lights on. Gunwook continued following after you, but quickly walked past you and climbed under the duvet on your bed. Somehow, he’d already plugged his phone in and put his bags neatly in the corner of your room—it must’ve been when he walked out to grab his toner pads from his bag—and had settled into your bedroom quite nicely. You stared at him in awe as he yawned, patting the bed next to him.

“It’s bedtime.”

“For you.”

He laughed at you again, patting the bed once more. You shut your bedroom door behind you, turning your phone’s flashlight on and turning the lights off as soon as they’d come on. You shuffled over to the bed, sliding in next to him and cuddling up to him. He reciprocated, putting an arm on your waist and giggling.

“You giggle too much.”

“Good night, [First]. I won’t wake you up tomorrow morning, but I’ll be out by 5:30. Promise.”

Even though you weren’t tired, you fell asleep like a baby next to Gunwook, basking in the warmth he brought. You were pretty sure you’d fallen asleep before him, actually, but you swore up and down it was because he’d been humming to you and rubbing your back in a way that was more relaxing than you would’ve liked it to be.

So, when you woke up the next morning, the sun barely peeking through your curtains, to find him gone, you felt relief. You groaned, turning over to search for your phone, which was, as always, placed on your bedside table.

You picked it up, barely being able to make out the time—5:01 am. Huh, you thought, frowning. He left earlier than he needed.

And then you looked at your notifications—three texts from your mother.

2:34 am—Hi honey, the motel was uncomfortable and we couldn’t sleep, so we’re getting an early start. I know you get paranoid, and I hope you’re not awake, but texting to let you know just in case you are. Should be there about 4:30.

3:47 am—Update, we’ve hit some early traffic, so probably closer to 4:45. It might still be 4:30 if we’re lucky.

Finally, 4:11 am—We got lucky!!! We’ll be there in 10. Assuming you’re asleep…am glad. Can’t wait to be in my own bed.

You shot up from your bed, suddenly feeling more awake than you’d ever been in your life. With what little sunlight there was, you looked to the corner of the room, clearly seeing two black bags that didn’t belong to you. Then, an extra phone on your nightstand.

Panic set in. You, as quietly as you could, got out of bed, shuffling to the door. With a hand haphazardly placed on the knob, you pulled your door open, cringing at even the slightest of noises. You heard the sound of a glass hitting your table downstairs, and you felt like crying.

Slowly, you tiptoed down the stairs, catching sight of Gunwook, blue sweater on and exhaustion written on his face, sitting across from both of your parents. Breakfast was ready on the table, and Gunwook had a full plate in front of him, but it had barely been touched.

He noticed you first, looking up at you from the table. He looked violently uncomfortable, pleading for you to come save him, and you just about turned around and went back to your room.

“[First],” your dad said, turning his head to look at you. “Why don’t you come join us? I suppose you have a few things to explain.”

v. ice cream

You loved summer for a multitude of reasons—the lack of school, the increase in fun treats, and the overall happiness that came upon everyone during your one month off of responsibility. So, when you caught wind of a fair opening up, you knew you couldn’t pass up going.

Your first invites were Yeseo and Youngeun, since the three of you always spent your summers at amusement parks and pop-ups. But, they’d had the bright idea to invite along your boyfriend and his couple of friends—it would be okay, they said, since there’s three of you and three of them. So, you did, and you were entirely grateful that you had.

You didn’t know Gyuvin or Junhyeon very well before today; Gyuvin tended to follow Gunwook around, and Junhyeon had bought you juice once upon a time, but that was about it. It was the same for Gunwook and your couple of friends, as the most they’d interacted with him was on your plane ride to Hawaii.

Seeing your friends getting along with his warmed your heart, and it had put together a day you would never forget, most likely. About twenty minutes ago, your four accompaniments had made up some excuse as to why they needed to separate from the two of you, which had left you strolling through the fair as the sun was beginning to set.

The sky had erupted into a million different colors, namely pinks and purples, which you were particularly enamored by. You’d endearingly linked your arm with Gunwook’s and you’d been walking through the local artist alley that they’d put up.

“I’m glad it’s cooling down,” you said, staring at a booth where a woman was showing off all of her handmade jewelry pieces, which you found to be quite impressive. “As much fun as a fair is, it always sucks when it’s too hot to enjoy.”

“It wasn’t that hot today, though, was it?” he replied. “I mean, it got warm around 3, but that was just about it. I thought today was relatively tame compared to the rest of the week.”

“Okay, Fireboy, whatever you say. But, for the record, tame compared to the rest of the week doesn’t mean much when it was nearly 35° the other day,” you scoffed. Gunwook chuckled, and you looked over at him, intending on continuing to talk about the heat. But, a booth behind him caught your eye, distracting you from whatever you were planning on saying next.

You unlocked your arm from his, smiling mischievously at him. “Wait here,” you said excitedly, pulling your wallet out of your tote bag. You quickly walked over to the ice cream booth that you’d seen in the distance, the thought of how cold it would be tainting your mind. Even just a little bit of freedom from the heat was enough to sweep you off your feet, at this point.

“What would you like?” the server asked, to which you smiled at her, staring at the menu.

“Um, just two vanilla cones, please,” you said, realizing you had no clue what flavor of ice cream he’d even want. You hoped he didn’t have a terrible disdain for vanilla, but you doubted he did, given you’d never seen him actively dislike any food in your life. You got the amount of money it cost out of your wallet and placed it on the counter, shoving your wallet back in your bag.

The server handed them to you, and you thanked her, turning back around to hobble back to where you’d left Gunwook. And, as you did, you were met with quite possibly the worst sight in the world—he stood off to the side of the jewelry booth talking to someone. Namely, he was talking to Yukyung.

Of course she would be here—before she’d broken your trust, she tagged along on your summer adventures. She was your best friend once upon a time, and now, she was not much other than a bad memory, and she was talking to your boyfriend.

You didn’t know how to describe the feeling it evoked. It wasn’t jealousy—you knew what jealousy felt like, and this was too mellow and depressing to be jealousy. Yukyung looked gorgeous, as she always did, dressed in a pretty, flowy, red sundress that just barely brushed against the tops of her shoes. Her makeup was perfect and rosy to match the dress, and she’d braided white ribbon into her hair, which you thought made her look even more elegant than she had before.

Oh, you thought, biting your lip. This is inadequacy.

You watched them talk, and you watched the way she smiled and the way he seemed uncomfortable just from the way he stood. For a brief moment, you thought they even looked a bit good together, but that thought was quickly washed away when you felt ice cream drip onto your finger.

When you looked back up, she was gone, and Gunwook had gone back to lingering. You shook your head, jogging up to him with a smile. “Happy summer,” you said, handing it out to him. He smiled back at you, taking the ice cream cone from your hand.

“Thank you,” he said, taking a big bite straight from the top. You widened your eyes in shock and your face distorted into one of disgust.

“You bite ice cream?”

“And what about it? Do you have a problem with it?”

“Yeah, actually, I do. That’s weird and strange.”

“You know what else is weird and strange?”

“Huh?”

“The fact that you’re letting your ice cream melt all over your hand.”

vi. overwhelmed

You’re wondering how long you can get away with staying in the bathroom before someone notices that you’ve been gone for much longer than you were expecting. You hug your knees to your chest, playing a mindless game in hopes it’ll calm you down at least somewhat.

You knew this would happen at some point—every upperclassman you’d talked to told you that, in the months approaching your college entrance exams, your mental health would plummet. From panic attacks in the bathroom during math classes to not being able to fall asleep until four in the morning.

You just underestimated how much it sucked to feel like this in the first place. You’re no stranger to stress, that much is certain, but this was much more real. And, this sort of panic hit you anywhere and everywhere—including Gyuvin’s birthday party.

Briefly, you glanced at the time—8:02. You’d been in the bathroom for about 10 minutes, and nobody had come looking for you yet, which was good. The bad news was that you weren’t any closer to calming down and were feeling utterly helpless.

As if you’d jinxed yourself, Gunwook texted you at that very moment, asking where you’d gone. You half-assed your reply, saying you were still in the bathroom taking a break from the chaos, ignoring the temptation to ask him to come help you. It would be mean to Gyuvin and him—so, for the sake of your sanity, you’d stay quiet.

Meanwhile, Gunwook stood in one of Gyuvin’s hallways, staring at his phone. Junhyeon had followed him back as Gyuvin was well entertained by Ricky, who he hadn’t seen in nearly a year, and stood next to him, leaning against the wall.

“Things have been weird lately.” Gunwook frowned, reading over your text again and again. Junhyeon tilted his head inquisitively.

“Weird how?”

“Just…I don’t know, she’s been weirdly distant from time to time. Everything will be fine, and she’ll shut off with no warning. It happens no matter where we are, too—if we’re studying, if we’re walking home, if we’re eating dinner. It’s strange.”

“Could it just be test jitters? I know a lot of couples who broke up in anticipation of the test, with plans to get back together afterward. Like Yuna and Jaechan, in class 4. They did that.”

Gunwook’s frown deepend. “I don’t want to break up with her, though,” he sighed, watching as the typing bubble on your end appeared and disappeared. “Would it be weird to look for her? Like would she find that strange?”

“She probably walked off because she didn’t want to take you away from Gyuvin, but Ricky’s here now, so I don’t think it would be a bad idea, per se,” Junhyeon said, patting his shoulder. “But make sure she doesn’t feel bad taking you away from everything. I think Gyuvin would understand. And Ricky wants to meet her, so no harm in making sure nothing’s wrong.”

Gunwook bit the edge of his lip, shoving his phone into his pocket. Gunwook gave Junhyeon a pat on the shoulder, and he nodded, walking back toward the bulk of the party.

The bathroom was behind a bed sheet curtain that Gyuvin had hung up before the party, with a lame “do not enter” sign taped to it. He’d proceeded to give you, Gunwook, and Junhyeon special permission to break the rules, as the three of you had been in the house before and knew which rooms were okay to enter and which ones weren’t.

The door was closed and the light was on, which meant you’d gone out of your way to go to the off-limits bathroom, where Yeseo and Youngeun wouldn’t be able to find you. He frowned, raising his hand to knock on the door.

Then, he heard a small sniffle behind the door and stopped. Gunwook had never seen you cry—early into your relationship, you’d told him you weren’t a crier, and not many things pushed you to that point. At the time, it had been relieving, as he didn’t know you well enough to even attempt to comfort you.

But, now a good three months had passed, and he still had no clue what to do, which made him feel more stressed than relieved. Nevertheless, now that he knew, he couldn’t just leave you, so he knocked on the door.

Your response was, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Gunwook took that as an invitation to open the door, finding you sitting on the floor of Gyuvin’s bathroom while holding your phone. You weren’t crying, but he could tell you were close to it. He slipped inside, closing the door behind him, and sitting next to you on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, scooting closer to you so you’d be shoulder-to-shoulder. You shrugged, looking off to the side.

“I’m stressed. You know, with the college entrance exams and graduating stuff, the world is just a lot right now. I didn’t think it would hit here, though, but the number 18 being passed around made me think about it too much. It’s silly.”

“No, it’s not,” Gunwook replied. “It’s okay to be stressed out about something stressful, even if you’re at a birthday party. And it’s okay to tell me because Gyuvin’s friend came to surprise him after he moved to California, so he’s not upset that I’m gone. Okay?”

Your lip quivered a bit, and Gunwook put his arm around you, pressing you into his side. He rubbed your shoulder reassuringly as you sniffled again, obviously having to try harder to keep your feelings in.

At that moment, you wanted to spew everything at him. Your feelings of insecurity towards Yukyung, the stress you felt knowing he was going to get into some fancy university and you probably weren’t, how scary everything was right at this moment.

But, you stayed quiet and chose to burst into tears instead. The moment one tear escaped from your eye, the rest did, too, and you found yourself crying into Gunwook’s chest. He was rocking you back and forth, rubbing your back while you covered his shirt in your tears.

You felt miserable—if you could, you wanted to pause time, run outside, and scream. At what, you were unsure, but you needed it, more than you needed anything else in the entire world. You could only take this for so much longer.

“I’m here for you,” Gunwook whispered, squeezing you gently. “I’ll always be here, I promise.”

You took his words to heart.

vii. wisdom teeth

On day four of Gunwook’s wisdom-teeth recovery, you’d been asked to be his caregiver, which you were okay with. His mom, who was infinitely grateful that you’d offered to take care of her son, assured you that he was technically cleared to go back to normal after day 3, but he was still feeling a bit wonky, and his pain medicine enhanced the wonkiness.

Your jobs were as such: make soup or mashed potatoes when he asked, remind him to clean his wounds if he forgets, and hang out with him. You found the list quite easy and told his mom that you’d make sure he was all good and cared for.

You underestimated, however, how needy your boyfriend would be. The moment you’d walked into his bedroom to wake him up, he attached himself to you, whining about how much he’d missed you over the past few days. He spoke as if you’d gone off to war and left him behind with your nonexistent children, insisting that your absence had ruined his life.

After you managed to make him brush his teeth, spray salt water into his mouth, and eat his breakfast (a bowl of yogurt), he passed out on the couch, leaving you to do whatever seemed appealing at the moment. Initially, you spent your time scrolling through all the selfies he’d sent you of his face all swollen and puffy, which had got you giggling. Then, you had the bright idea to help

You started by slightly cleaning his room up, feeling pretty good about yourself as you washed his clothes and his sheets. In your mind, you were building a resume to ensure his mom liked you, and you were going to earn extra affection from it, so you didn’t care about the repetitiveness at all.

About halfway through your cleaning adventures, Gunwook appeared in the doorway of his bedroom, staring at you folding the load of laundry you did. “How are you?” you asked, continuing to fold his t-shirts.

“Have I ever told you that you’re perfect?” he mumbled, shuffling over and draping himself onto you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and shoved his face into your neck, nearly knocking you over by putting his entire weight on you without warning.

“Only every day,” you replied, giggling. “Seriously though, how are you? Anything feel off or more painful than it did before you napped?”

“No,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to your neck. “Stop sounding like my mom. It’s weird.”

“What do you want me to say? ‘I hope you get dry socket?’”

“It’s better than mom-speak,” he replied. “She’s going to love you after today. Not gonna shut up about it.”

“That’s the entire reason that I’m doing all of this.”

“And not to help out your hurting boyfriend? You’re terrible.”

You scoffed, finishing folding the rest of his clothes. “Are you hungry?”

You patted his arm and Gunwook unattached himself from you, letting you turn around to face him. He rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. “No. I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you a lot.”

“Did you?”

“My mom said I cried about you being at school right after I got out of surgery,” he replied. You widened your eyes, not expecting him to be that forward about it. “I don’t like being away from you for so long. I hope we never, ever separate.”

You smiled, half-heartedly punching him in the shoulder. “I hope you stay this nice even after you feel fully better.”

Gunwook gave you a serious look as if he was thinking hard about something. You waited awkwardly, staring at one another as he sounded out whatever he was thinking in his head. “Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot about something.”

“Which is…?”

“I’m going to say something,” he said, putting his hands on your shoulders. “I’m not expecting a reply. I just need to say it. I’ve thought about it a lot.”

“Okay, go on ahead. I’m listening.”

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as if whatever he was going to tell you was stressing him out. It made you get a bit anxious, wondering if he was going to break some terrible news to you. “Over the past couple of days, I’ve missed you a lot, more than I missed Gyuvin and Junhyeon combined. And it was hard only being able to talk to you through texting, even though I only text my friends for days on end sometimes. And it got me thinking about everything, you know? Because it’s all I’ve had to entertain myself since I got my teeth pulled.”

“Right.”

“I love you, [First]. A lot. And it’s okay if you’re not ready to say that yet, I get it. But I do. Truthfully. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

It felt like a rock was stuck in your throat. You opened your mouth expecting words to come out, but they didn’t—so, you just stood there, staring at Gunwook. He stared back at you, eyes glossy from tiredness and cheeks pink. You weren’t ready—the words were so big and so scary, and it wasn’t that you didn’t love him, you just couldn’t find the words to say it.

Your solution to this was to engulf him in a hug, latching to his waist like you’d done a second ago. No words were needed as he did the same, and, for a while, you stood there, enjoying one another’s company.

viii. mirrors

You don’t remember the last time you’ve felt this gross when looking into a mirror. The dress you’re wearing is gorgeous—it’s long, flowy, and summery, the type of dress that doesn’t look bad on anyone. Yet, staring at yourself right now, you feel utterly disgusting.

It’s the same type of dress you saw Yukyung wearing at the fair, and, when you look at yourself, all you can do is compare yourself to her. Even when you were best friends, this was a problem you had, but it wasn’t nearly as awful when she made you feel safe and loved. Now, it felt threatening and nauseating.

Gunwook knocked on the door of your dressing room, causing you to wince. “[First], are you done? Can I see?”

“Yeah, sure. One second.”

You quickly retied the bow around your waist, hoping it would make you feel a little less awful. It didn’t have the intended effect, but you turned around anyway, opening the door to the dressing room. Gunwook’s expression bloomed into a smile the moment he saw you, but, instead of feeling loved, you only remembered the way he looked at Yukyung with slight disdain at the fair while she wore the same thing.

“You look so beautiful,” he said, which caused you to subconsciously frown. He noticed immediately, his smile morphing into a frown to mirror you. “What’s wrong? Do you not like it?”

You turned around, staring at yourself in the mirror once more. “I don’t feel pretty in it,” you said, trying to be as upfront with your emotions as you could. You saw Gunwook’s jaw drop in his reflection in the mirror as if he couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“How in the world could you not feel pretty? It fits you perfectly, and it’s entirely on theme for your cousin’s wedding. You look gorgeous, I swear. Everyone would agree with me.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, hoping and praying that, if he said it for a third time, the image of Yukyung in your mind would miraculously go away. He nodded earnestly, making the most serious look you’d ever seen him produce.

“One thousand percent. And I’m not just saying it because I’m your boyfriend, I mean it. You look beautiful, and every other synonym of beautiful. I’m serious.”

You nodded, fabricating a smile so you could take it off and put your sweater back on. “Okay, I’ll get it then. I’m sure my mom will agree.”

You shut the dressing room door, fighting the urge to slam your head into the mirror. You just pulled the dress off of you, replacing it with your normal clothes and putting it back on the hanger, swiftly exiting the room so you’d no longer be facing the mirror.

After that, you’d tried to escape the mall as quickly as you could, dragging Gunwook through the corridors like you were on a mission. He’d followed without saying anything, but you could tell he was somewhat confused—and you hoped that confusion would go away when you arrived at the bus stop just as it arrived.

Gunwook knew you better than that, though, shooting you multiple inquisitive looks for the duration of your bus ride. And, the moment you got off, he whistled a small tune, which was a clear sign that he was going to bring it up.

“So, what’s up?”

“What do you mean?” You feigned ignorance, hoping he’d get the message and leave it alone. He wouldn’t, though, and it was now a question of whether he meant today only, or why you’d been acting so strange over the past month or so.

“You’ve been acting weird for a while, [First]. Not all the time, just sometimes, and it has me worried. Did I do something? Or is there something you aren’t telling me?”

“I’m just on edge,” you lied, clearing your throat. “Exams are next month. I don’t like the idea that a single test could dictate the rest of my life, and the idea that, if I do poorly, I have to spend another year studying for it.”

“Are you sure that’s it? You seem fine every time we’re studying, and your grades are good. You don’t ask for nearly as much help as you did a few months ago either.”

“I promise. Things will go back to normal next month, I swear.”

“Okay.”

Great, you thought, kicking a rock on the sidewalk. He knew you were lying, and now you had one month to fix your ex-best-friend troubles before you had to face your issues. And, you had no idea how.

You kicked the rock again, and it flew out in the street, falling into a storm drain, never to be seen again.

ix. exams

Before today, you didn’t think your hands could hurt this bad. Nor did you think your brain could hurt this bad, either.

The moment you walked into Gunwook’s room, you drop everything you’re holding, face-planting into his bed. He laughed at you, and you could hear him neatly placing everything he was holding onto his desk.

“How can you unpack things right now?” you asked, mentally praising whoever created mattresses. “I feel like my brain is short-circuiting.”

“I’m good at school stuff, that’s why,” he replied. Outside, the rain that you’d dealt with walking to his house got worse, and you briefly considered the possibility that you wouldn’t be returning home tonight unless one of your parents were willing to drive to Gunwook’s house. “Do you want something else to wear? Other than your uniform.”

“Really?” you asked, hopping out of his bed. He nodded, opening his drawer and taking out a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants.

“They’ll probably be a little big,” he said, handing them to you. You waved him off, shaking your head.

“They’re not this god-awful uniform, so they’re winners in my book.”

You practically skipped out of his room and into the bathroom, changing into the pajamas he’d given you hastily. They were soft and smelled like the detergent his mom bought (which smelled exactly like you thought Gunwook would smell, back when you just had a delusional crush on him).

Before you went back to his room, you folded your uniform, giving yourself a once over in the mirror. You looked exhausted and you felt it too, overloaded from the hours of straight testing that you’d endured for the sole purpose of going to university. You were so tired you couldn’t even muster the strength to be worried about your test scores.

You shuffled back into Gunwook’s room, shutting the door behind you. He was already laying down, scrolling through his phone and wearing the black-and-white sweater he’d been so obsessed with recently. You put your uniform on top of your bag, which he’d moved to a chair in the corner of his room, before collapsing on top of him and forcing your hands around his waist.

The act caused him to laugh at you before ruffling your hair, kissing you atop the crown of your head. “I’m proud of you,” he said, and you felt his chest rumble as he talked. “I’m sure you did well.”

“Stop being sappy,” you replied, suddenly feeling a lot more tired than you had been. “But I’m proud of you too. I know you did well.”

He hummed, and you assumed he went back to scrolling through his phone, which you weren’t angry about. You had about five minutes before you fell asleep on him, and you were fine spending it in complete silence save for whatever random thought you had.

“Oh, did you see the Yuna-Jaechan reunion? It was, like, dramatic. He gave her some super expensive necklace or something.”

“I didn’t see it, but I heard about it. Junhyeon hasn’t shut up about it. He thinks it’s hilarious.”

“If we’d done the CSAT breakup, would you have bought me a super expensive necklace?”

“We wouldn’t have, but I would’ve bought you the most expensive necklace ever. With Gyuvin’s money.”

“Aw, how romantic.”

It went quiet again, and you felt yourself fading quickly. The rhythmic up-and-down of Gunwook’s chest paired with the rain pitter-pattering against the window was putting you to sleep with ease, to the point where you could barely keep your eyes open.

And then a bright flash and near-immediate thunder awoke you instantly, causing you to flinch hard. Gunwook laughed at you instantly, causing you to feel embarrassed.

“Oh, is someone afraid of thunder?”

“No,” you huffed, closing your eyes again. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Okay, whatever you say. But that jump was pretty intense. I almost thought you were convulsing, was scared that the test had killed you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Good night, [First]. Sleep well.”

Now aware that you were enduring a thunderstorm, the booming noise that came with the rain only added to your sleepiness. Within minutes, you were almost completely asleep, barely able to register when Gunwook laughed at something on his phone or shifted slightly.

“I love you,” he whispered, putting a single hand on your waist. With that, you were asleep and entirely dead to the world for the next few hours.

x. gossip

You didn’t like the way Youngeun was looking at you. She couldn’t keep secrets—it was obvious she knew something, but you couldn’t figure out what exactly she could know.

Yeseo, on the other hand, seemed completely fine, even if Youngeun kept giving her worried glances. She simply drank her juice, mixing her noodles around with seemingly no intent to actually eat them. It was silent at your table, the sun beating down on you as you sat outside the 7/11 you’d all agreed to go to after school that day.

“What is up with you two?” you finally asked, frustrated with whatever was happening. Youngeun winced and Yeseo put her drink down, balancing her chopsticks on top of her bowl of ramen. It was silent for a few moments, and you felt anxiety eating you up.

“There’s a rumor going around,” Youngeun blurted out, causing you to tilt your head. Yeseo crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair.

“It’s not a big rumor. It’s small and contained, and it shouldn’t get much bigger, but we don’t want you to hear it from someone random, or to overhear it when you don’t mean to. We don’t think it’s true, but you deserve to know.”

“Okay, just tell me. I don’t need this huge build-up.”

“There’s a small group, and I mean small group, that think Yukyung and Gunwook are dating behind your back.”

You went quiet, feeling your heart drop into your stomach. Realistically, you knew it wasn’t true—from the way Gunwook talked to you to the way he looked at you, there was no possible way that this was true. The part of you that was borderline traumatized by her sudden switch up on you believed it in an instant, though.

“Do they have any proof?”

“Apparently, they see her talking to him a lot. I mean, she doesn’t hang out in your classroom often, ‘cause her new friends are in mine and Gunwook’s class. And, to be fair, they aren’t wrong, she does talk to him a lot, but he doesn’t like it. It wouldn’t shock me if she’s trying to get him to break up with you, but they’re not dating,” Youngeun said, suddenly sounding a lot angrier than she did before. “I’ve seen him shoot her down several times. But people take it the wrong way, I guess.”

“Long story short, don’t believe it, [First]. We both know it’s not true and if you start hearing it from other people, ignore it. Okay?”

Like the world was playing an awful, cruel joke on you, your phone started ringing, and one look confirmed your suspicions. You picked up, hearing Gunwook’s voice come through, clear as day. “Do you want to see a movie tomorrow?” he asked, skipping over the greeting. Intrusively, you thought, would he go with her, too? “I’ll pay. It��s a showing of a Ghibli movie that Yujin said was good.”

“Sure,” you said, feeling Youngeun’s and Yeseo’s eyes burning through you, as if to say don’t you dare overreact about this. “What time?”

You were going to overreact about it anyway, though. You couldn’t do this, at least not with Yukyung—or, at least the thought of her—breathing over your shoulder at every moment. She meant too much to you that your mind was racing through every single thought you’d had over the past few months.

She was your best friend, and you’re pretty sure that, before Gunwook came into the picture, you were in love with her. You spent hours upon hours with her, and now you spend hours looking through the old pictures that you refuse to delete. You’re stuck on her—not in love with her anymore, but yearning for a friendship you lost—and it’s getting in the way of your relationship, and your mind concludes that there’s one viable outcome.

And, now, you have an excuse to carry it out.

xi. her

You don’t have the time to knock on Gunwook’s door before he throws it open. He hugs you immediately, picking you up and spinning you around right there in his doorway, and, for a minute, your mind is clear of all the terrible things that you’ve been trapped with for the past month.

“We did it,” he cried out, putting you back down so he could see your face. “We did it! Oh my god, how could we not have done it? We were always going to get in.”

About twenty minutes ago, both you and Gunwook received an email from Seoul National University that you’d gotten in. After you’d cried for four hours over your good CSAT scores, you nearly passed out at this news, wondering in what world you had deserved this. And, among your caving-in mind over Gunwook and Yukyung, you’d immediately left your house and ran to Gunwook’s.

He cupped your face in his hands, planting a kiss on your lips in utter joy. You laughed, feeling immensely happy for the both of you.

You tripped over your feet as you walked into his house, kicking off your shoes and emerging into his living room. “I never thought this would happen,” you said, pacing around the room. Gunwook watched you from behind the couch, smiling. “I mean, for the last month, I’ve just—I haven’t caught a break. I’ve been miserable every waking moment and now I finally have something to be happy over. Can you believe that?”

You look at him, and you watch his smile drop. You backpedal over what you said, realizing that you’d let your little secret slip; since Youngeun and Yeseo had told you about the rumor, you’d done an excellent job at hiding your panic, acting like everything was fine when it wasn’t in the slightest.

“What do you mean you’ve been miserable?”

You stopped pacing, and the room went quiet. In an instant, you’d knocked the happiness out of the room and brought in everything you’d been avoiding. The breakup plan you’d thought of night after night flashed in your mind, along with Yeseo telling you that you were an idiot for even considering it.

“I don’t know where this came from,” he continued, his voice a bit tight. “But I was under the impression everything was okay. We took the test and you looked better—why wouldn’t you tell me you were miserable?”

You weren’t sure what to say. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt nauseated, no longer feeling the excitement of the college acceptance you’d yearned for since you were a kid. “It’s stupid,” you said, your voice small. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know if you understand how that sounds to me,” he said, and you were getting the idea that he also had an issue that he hadn’t been talking about, either. “But we’ve spent a lot of time together over the last month, and you saying that you’ve been miserable the entire time sounds a lot like you saying you were miserable being with me.”

“What? No, that’s not what I meant.” You shook your head, feeling mortified at the idea. “I promise, that’s not it. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Then why won't you tell me? I don’t think I’m entitled to hear anything from you that you don’t want to talk about, but when it’s been torturing you for months, [First], I feel like I deserve to know. Especially since it seems like Youngeun and Yeseo haven’t gotten any of the side effects.”

You bit your lip, closing your eyes. “You know Yukyung was my best friend, right?” Even saying it aloud made tears bunch into your eyes. For the first time since nearly a year ago, now, you were facing something you hadn’t even talked about with your mom. “Like, best friend. We’ve been—we were friends from our first year of middle school. She was my everything. And she threw it all away over—over you, and it’s been hard for me to stomach it.”

Gunwook rolled up his sleeves, leaning on the couch. “That happened in March,” he said, almost sounding frustrated. You knew it wasn’t directed at you, rather, he was probably angry that Yukyung had any say in your relationship even though you’d never even spoken about her.

“It killed me, Gunwook. I didn’t sleep well for a week. I mean, she was telling people things I told her in middle school, running around and painting a picture of me that I didn’t know she had.” You felt exasperated, unsure of how to convey what you needed to without sharing a secret you’d never shared with anyone. “It was hard for me. Even though I was happy about us, I couldn’t get over losing her like that with no warning. And then, I saw her talking to you at the fair, and then Yeseo and Youngeun told me about the rumors, and—”

“Rumors?” he interjected, furrowing his eyebrows. “What rumors?”

“People think you’re cheating on me,” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest. That seemed to confuse Gunwook, as he looked down, staring at the couch rather than looking at you. “It’s just hard, okay? It’s hard.”

“And you couldn’t have told me you felt like this? It didn’t cross your mind, even for a second, to just be honest?”

“Well why didn’t you tell me that she’s been talking to you at every chance she gets?” you rebutted. That caused him to wince, and you watched him realize that he couldn’t say much, either. “It’s not like we’re both innocent, here. So let’s get it over with. Now.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” Gunwook said, pushing off the couch and mirroring your stance. “Gyuvin brought it up during our second year before we knew each other. It didn’t cross my mind again until I saw you staring at her when I came in to give you your calculator back. And then—it’s been months and you haven’t said you loved me.”

Every muscle in your body tensed, and it, once again, occurred to you that you could never pull anything over on Gunwook.

“Are you in love with her?”

You gulped, your throat suddenly feeling drier than it ever had. “I was. A long time ago.”

It went silent again, and you wondered if he believed you. “I promise you it’s in the past. It was only during my first year and some of my second, but I got over it when she started dating Seungeon. And they lasted long enough for me to get over it, and we added Youngeun to the mix, so I was preoccupied. That’s in the past. But it doesn’t change that she threw out five years of our friendship without a second thought.”

He didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, beginning to pace back and forth. You let him think, hoping that your defense was sound enough that he wouldn’t break things off then and there.

“Do you love me, [First]?”

Two months ago, Yeseo had asked if you’d said “I love you” yet. You’d, embarrassingly, had to share that Gunwook had but you hadn’t, which perplexed both of them. And, when they asked why, all you’d been able to tell them was that the last person you’d said “I love you” to was Yukyung, the night before Youngeun called you, telling you everything she’d heard.

“Yes,” you said, nodding. “I do. I love you.”

Right in front of you, Gunwook burst into tears, walking straight past the couch and enveloping you in his arms. “I thought you were going to break up with me for so long,” he choked out, squeezing you so hard you could barely breathe. “I was terrified the entire time, and I thought things got better after the exams, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I was so scared, [First]. I love you so much that I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

“I love you too,” you said, although it was muffled. “I promise. And I didn’t love her as much as I love you.”

xii. graduation

You were realizing that your claim that you didn’t cry often was quickly becoming a lie. You were sitting on the floor of your room, holding your diploma to your chest while tears streamed from your eyes. Gunwook was staring at you with a mixture of amusement and worry as you rocked yourself back and forth.

“Youngeun is leaving me,” you said, hiccuping. “Both of them are. For Japan. I’m going to have to make new friends.”

“But you’ll still be able to talk? They won’t even be in a different timezone.”

“Okay, and?” you said, hiccuping. “It’s so far. I won’t be able to go to 7/11 with them anymore.”

“We can go to 7/11?”

“That’s different, you’re my boyfriend. 7/11 is a commitment when it’s with you.”

“What does that even mean?”

You let out another Earth-shattering sob, and you supposed that convinced Gunwook to come over and attempt to comfort you. “There, there,” he said sarcastically. “Japan is very far. And you’ll have to pay more to call them. I’m sorry.”

“At least try to sound a little serious!”

“Neither Junhyeon nor Gyuvin got into SNU.”

“Okay, but they’re still in Korea, so you’ll be fine. There’s no train to Tokyo here.”

Gunwook wrapped his arm around your shoulder, leaning his head on yours. “It’ll be okay. They’ll be here over breaks and you’ll get to see them then, right? And you always have the—wait, why don’t you have a picture of us framed?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m serious,” he said, pointing to your dresser, which was right in front of you. On top were multiple framed pictures of the three of you, smiling, laughing, and doing other things. “What’s up with that? Am I less important than them?”

“Shut up.”

“No. I’m going to buy a disposable camera right now, and we’re going to take pictures so you can print and frame them.”

You rolled your eyes, wiping away your tears. “Okay. Whatever you say. Even though you’re my wallpaper, and you’re the only number pinned in my text messages, and you’re the only person who’s ever known the password to my phone.”

“You love me.”

“Not when you’re a greedy loser.”

“Aw, I love you, too.”

thank you for reading !

#cinna.zb1 #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zb1 one shots #zb1 fluff #zb1 angst #zb1 scenarios #zb1 imagines #park gunwook x reader #gunwook x reader #gunwook scenarios #gunwook angst #gunwook fluff #gunwook imagine

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kanmom51 · 5 months ago

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Smeraldo garden marching band - JM

Song and MV - My thoughts

Very long post ahead. Seeing that @andy-wm wrote such an amazing post already, I am sending whoever hasn't read it to go read and like it.

I agree with @andy-wm's thoughts and am going to use it as a base to mine, jot down a few points I would like to either add or emphasize. I could have reblogged, but I felt there was just too much I wanted to convey and better I do it in a separate post.

So let's get it.

Where where where do I start?

Maybe from the end, seeing that the song does seem to open and closes with the BTS reference.

I do agree the song is not JM singing his love to Army.

I've seen Army trying to twist and turn it around once again making it all about Army, JM telling us things he couldn't tell us before, the truth he couldn't before - that he loves army? Say what? Since when did he not tell Army he loved us? Since when was that a truth that had to be hidden? Nah. It's funny how people are getting the whole connection to the Smeraldo flower, the connection to The truth untold (will talk about that a little more later on), but are not willing to take that one extra step and see or admit what that thing JM telling us is.

There is a reason this song comes after Set me free Pt. 2!!

This is a different JM. One that decided to live his life as himself, flying away free like a butterfly.

And he connects the dots in the MV.

This is about something that was obviously hidden by him until now, something he is telling us now, a secret he is letting us in on, once he told "all the opps" to fuck off.

These lines here:

All the things we couldn't say before And your hidden feelings too I'll tell you everything now (Just for you) Don't you worry anymore Since we’re together now Let's be a little more honest (Let's go)

Clear as day.

This is about hidden feelings (and not necessarily hidden from the person he loves but from us, as we are the audience and it's time to tell us about it). Same btw with the honesty. Not that he hasn't been honest with that person he loves, but it's time to be honest with us, perhaps practice that same honesty that certain person has been trying to practice throughout 2023.

This is JM's time. JM's secret to tell.

So why, oh why the hell would it be about his love for Army and wanting to hold our flaming hands????? Please make it make sense.

Forget the fact that the lyrics are just not it. Nope. He might love army but he definitley doesn't want army, and spare me any reasoning, JM is a big boy and he KNOWS what it means when he says "I want you babe...", and it ain't him wanting Army. Nope. Nah. No way.

On top of that, by now we know that everything JM does is for a reason, and the 12 June in the lyrics is no different. This is about BTS, not Army, and the idea of the bookending, I love love love that one. This exactly:

That means the events happening in the song, happen within the context of Bangtan. Reading between the lines, the person he is singing to/about is within Bangtan.

Ah, and there is this too:

No special course in reading comprehension needed here.

Not a love song to army. If it wasn't clear from the lyrics then it's said here. A song JM wrote for army to help them express their feelings for a loved one when they are having issues doing so themselves (all part of the layering I will talk about later on).

I'll just say here that JM is the king of layering. One song and MV containing messages within messages.

One more thing about that ending frame from JM though.

When the curtains rise and the lights turn on Everyone is in their places Turn up the music I think we’re ready now Let's begin one, two Put your hands up

These lines.

As I was watching the MV for the first time reading those lines, this is what popped straight into mind (and speaking of popping, I will get to that too, that naughty cutie, sexy, lovely man of ours and his not so innocent innuendos - yes, I do think his mind was going there):

When do you feel your heart connected with another member ?

"...when my eyes naturally meet Jimin's and we high five..."

*Side note: not JK telling us his heart is connected with JM basically all the time...

I guess JK is talking about moments like that.

When I saw/heard those lines in JM's song it felt like the one JM was talking to in that moment wasn't all of the members, but that one person standing on that stage with him, that one person that he just said all his "I love you"s to.

Oh, and a little example of nothing being coincidental and fully thought out by JM:

Ok then.

Just as @andy-wm mentioned, JM gives us hints galore throughout the whole MV as to who that individual is he is speaking to, confessing his love to (again, all while also clearly talking to us letting us in on that secret that he was hiding until now).

We have him hinting to what it ain't.

That the person in question is not of the female variety. The potentially romantic moments are only with the male characters. That "yes sir" add-on.

Ooh, I love you babe I'll come closer to you I love you, babe (Yes, sir) Ooh, I want you, babe I wanna hold your hand I want you, babe

This is no mistake. This is not in the live version only. This is part of the actual lyrics. As is.

We have him giving us hints in the staging, the choreo, the set connecting with Serendipity.

The you are me I am you in the MV choreo

And prey tell, who took ownership of that one, eh?

We have the bubbles.

And specifically JM in a bubble.

Wait, what am I seeing there?

JM in a bubble with sunflowers?

Sun-flowers?

I guess we're in the business of recreating moments then.

Not quite enough, right?

So we have JM literally using Golden hour lighting in his MV. All while the sunflowers (you know, those that grow towards the sun, and usually don't tend to open up and flourish as the sun is going down) are blooming.

Oh, and who are they directed towards if not the recipient of JM's confession? You know, the sun part of the sun and moon duo. Get with it people. You should be reciting this off by heart by now.

Oh, @andy-wm you asked and I will reply. You are not crazy AT ALL. I will say it one more time and clearly:

The sunflowers, that represent the sun as in themselves, are blooming facing towards the camera, in the direction of JM's love confession, all while doing so when the sun is actually supposedly setting, it being Golden hour.

And if it's Golden hour we are talking about, how can we forget this?

Just JK telling us JM is the love of his life during Golden Hour .

See full clip here:

And now we have JM doing just the same.

Who would have thought?

So, basically the flowers are blooming facing (because of) the individual that JM is confessing his love to - you know, the sun to his moon.

Same moon that was doing this:

Every night You spin me up high The moon with you in its arms Let me have a taste Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

And if we are already drawing the lines between SGMB and Like crazy, then how about this perhaps connecting line:

We know how personal Face was to JM. We know that every single song is him through and through. We know Like crazy is about him struggling during the pandemic.

We saw his breakdown during the MOTS ONE live streamed concert.

This was October 2020, around 6 months into the pandemic. The uncertainty. This is their first performance and from there until Muster another 9 months go by. We know from Festa 2022 that the pandemic screwed up all of their plans. the uncertainty, working on and releasing Be and then Butter and PTD everything leading up to the PTD online concert, a year after MOTS ON:E. For those that performing is their life, standing in front of an audience and giving it their all, it's a hard pill to swallow. The unknown, if they will ever get back to perform on stage in front of a live audience, when this is who they are, their essence, it can be unbearable. JM wasn't the only performer to go through this. It's just that he shared this with us.

And JK was there by his side.

And all he wanted was to make it better.

Just like he did during the concert itself.

So yeah, I do believe it's JK referenced in that song.

And Yeah, like everything JM does, this song too, and it's MV, are layered.

And SMF pt. 2 is him breaking free, flying away like a butterfly and moving on to SGMB. Now he can say what he feels out loud for EVERYONE TO HEAR. And he's telling that someone that was worried about him, that one that stood by JM's side and perhaps JM felt like he was trying to save him, that it's ok, there is nothing to worry about anymore. And unlike in Like crazy, where JM doesn't want to be woken up from that dream, and he is fighting that person that wants to save him, at this point he's eager to wake up and live each day a new with that person he loves blossoming by his side.

Same person he wrote the Letter to?

Yep. Same person.

I do believe that they are all one. Same person by his side in Like crazy, giving him a good ride, in his arms, trying to save JM. Same person he wrote his love letter to. And same person he's telling that he loves in SGMB.

And then there are these lines to consider:

All the things we couldn't say before And your hidden feelings too

Is JM confessing to that person, to us and for that person too? Telling us the feelings are mutual. Hidden until now, from us, and now out in the open.

And yes, although SGMB is JM confessing his love to that person (cough JK cough), he's already done that in a song, right? So what now?

Layering peeps.

JM is telling that person, but more so, I do believe, telling us.

Remember how Letter was hidden? Yes, we got to hear it, but it was hidden on JM's album. Like a secret that isn't to be shared with everyone. Like something that needs to be hidden. And here comes the layering again - it's hidden cause it's a private letter to the one he loves, but also hidden because it's something that cannot be revealed publicly, because he's an idol and 'not allowed' to have such a personal relationship and because the relationship itself is 'not allowed', being with another man.

And now we have SGMB. Not only is the song not hidden away, but it's out there in the open. Loud and proud. The first single released from Muse. How louder or more public can it get than that?

Ok, so feels like a good place to talk about the song's choice of name and its lyrics for a sec.

Much has been said already about the Smeraldo flower, it's meaning and The Truth Untold.

And now we have this:

"The longing to confess and find love on behalf of those unable to articulate their feelings..."

Let's talk about this sentence for a second.

One of the things we get from the MV is cupid or matchmaker JM. Not only is he telling his person how he feels, he is also helping those around him express their love. So, as usual we have a layered message, oh so like JM to do in his well thought out messages. JM 'confessing' to his love, but also to us about his love (first 2 layers) and another layer of JM helping us, his audience, to express our feelings to whomever we wish to and are struggling to do so. Oh and another layer to it all is the one surrounding all three, the one that connects to the Smeraldo flower and it's part in The Truth Untold - that part of allowing to show your true colours, your true feeling, and not be rejected for them, not necessarily by the person you love, but by those that surround you and will not accept your true self or your love for each other.

The connecting lines between the two songs.

And we know who this song meant so much to as well.

"But I still want you"...

So most definitley not a coincidence JM choosing the Smeraldo flower nor calling his band The Smeraldo Garden Marching Band, having them be the ones to deliver this oh so loud and proud message to us all.

One last thing before I leave you for now.

Let's talk for a sec about the new JM dance challenge?

We got cutie sexy lovely JM in this one.

And again, thanks @andy-wm for your lovely post.

Once again, if it wasn't clear already, the one he's paired up with is Loco, sitting there on the sofa, not even dancing with him, just there all googly eyed at JM, struggling to keep a straight face. And the end, omg, that end.

No Loco. That performance was not for you. And fyi, there is only one person JM is accepting flowers from ...

You know...

That one and the same person he was rushing home to pack for their trip to Japan the next day.

Same person he chose to enlist together with less than a month later.

#Jimin #JM #PJM2 #SGMB JM #JM SGMB #Jikook #kookmin #minkook #junkook #jk #sun and moon couple #JK is the sun and JM is the moon period

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actual-changeling · 3 months ago

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I know a lot of people interpret Scully's reaction to Mulder's love confession in 'Triangle' as her assuming that he is drugged up and talking nonsense.

There is another (worse) option, though.

"Oh brother" is definitely not what you respond if you're taking it seriously, we can probably agree on that, but i don't think potential drugs are the reasons here.

Let's look back a little. I'm working with the assumption that 'Folie a Deux' is set in May of 1998 with FtF taking place in August. 'The Beginning' happens sometime in September of the same year. If we use this as our timeline, we have a total of around five months during which a LOT of shit happens.

'Folie a Deux' is important because this is the "original" drugged up love confession Scully hears when Mulder is in the psychward. It gets to her, she thinks he is being genuine and does what he asked her to do.

More important than the act itself is what he tells her. I assume most of us have that conversation memorized, but just as a reminder:

"Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion."

Even from our point of view, this makes complete sense—she IS the only one he trusts.

Except that it's a lie. I don't expect Mulder to think of Diana in that moment, and it wouldn't have been an issue at all if it weren't for the events of 'The End', which happen about 2-3 weeks later.

Suddenly, there is a person from his past that he trusts unconditionally to the point of stupidity, and he not only doesn't talk to Scully about any of it, he stops talking to her period. It's as if she has been a placeholder for Diana, and now that she's back, there is no use for her anymore.

Mulder works the case with Diana, Scully is dragging herself along and he does not care about her or her work until it is useful for him; he doesn't back her up when a room full of people (including Diana) belittle and mock her. He nods along, which, to Scully, is just the last puzzle piece slotting into place.

To summarize, Mulder's confession in Folie a Deux that she took seriously is revealed to be a lie—a means to an end to get her to do what he wants her to. Whether or not that's objectively true is a totally different matter because this is what Scully is confronted with.

Betrayal.

With that in mind, their argument in FtF in his hallway and Scully thinking of herself as redundant makes complete sense. We get yet another love confession, one she ALSO takes seriously, and if it weren't for that fucking bee, they'd have kissed. Maybe then, the whole mess that comes after could have been avoided, but here we are.

In "The Beginning", Scully repeats said confession back to him in an attempt to calm him and regain his trust in her/her science. Let's see what happens:

He implicitly tells her that none of what he confessed still applies, that the whole speech was, once again, nothing but a farce to get her to stay. Mulder confirms this at the end of the episode, and Scully asking him with tears in her eyes to trust her is a deeply painful contrast to his earlier declarations.

Two times, Mulder confesses his love to her.

Two times, he takes it back later and continues to use it against her.

In 'Triangle', Scully once again finds herself next to Mulder in a hospital bed and listens to him as he confesses his love for a third time. Does she think he's drugged up? Yeah, probably, but that's not the reason she cannot take him seriously.

Considering her track record with Mulder and big speeches, is it at all surprising that she no longer trusts what he tells her?

"Oh, brother," because she is forced to grapple with her many, many feelings for him and process it in a way that fits into everything else that has happened so far.

"Oh, brother," because it might be an attempt to placate her and nothing else.

"Oh, brother," because there is a chance he will twist his 'I love you' into a weapon to stab her with later. Because he says it and does not mean it.

This is not a "oh, he's drugged up" expression to me. This is Scully preparing to get hurt again.

The funniest part is that she's right. She is right. He couldn't have meant it because then he wouldn't be staring her down with apathy in his eyes and tell her not to make it "personal".

SHE is making it personal? After Mulder manipulated her by pulling on their connection like a leash to get her to do what he wants? After he confessed how much he loves and trusts her over and over just to throw it all away?

To ignore all of it in the moment it actually fucking matters?

The drug option is less angsty and kinda fun, and I do enjoy reading fics that interpret it as such, but with their history attached, it is so much more—and so much worse.

Pretending it never happened is one thing, but then actively denying it to her face and using her feelings to hurt her? Yeah, no.

Mulder fucked up and Scully has every right to reject his declarations and distance herself from him.

#alex watches x files #txf #the x files #x files #dana scully #fox mulder #scully x mulder #mulder x scully #msr #txf meta #msr meta #txf triangle #im tired so i hope all of this makes sense rip

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cheeseceli · 7 months ago

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Dream of you

Pairing: hwang hyunjin × Gn!reader

Genre: angst, a little of fluff, friends to ??

Prompt: "I don't want to want you, but in my dreams I seem to be more honest. And I must admit, you've been in quite a few"

Warnings: none I'm aware of, please feel free to correct me if needed!

A/n: I felt a little bit like a genius in the last paragraph ngl. Let me know what y'all think about it | join the 1K event!

Falling in love with his best friend was not what hyunjin wanted.

Sure, the friends to lovers trope was adorable in books and movies. There's something amazing about the feeling of falling for someone who you know will catch you. It must be an incredible feeling to be understood and loved in the same amount by someone who has been there with you way before any romantic feelings could develop. Then you know that the feeling is real, deeper than the skin and will last longer than a passion.

It is, indeed, an amazing feeling. However, it is way more terrifying than what fiction portrays it like.

He couldn't tell exactly when it happened, when he fell in love with you. He remembers how you got along well with his members and how his mother always asks about you. Even kkami likes you. Maybe he fell for you when he felt you were closer to his world than ever. He also remembers how some acquaintances would constantly ask for your number and how you commented about how jeongin was cute and funny once. Maybe he realised his feelings when he felt that he could lose you forever.

Either way, he felt it was wrong. He didn't want to want you. So why did he feel like he was made for you?

Lately he started to dream about you. He dreamt about how it'd feel to wake up with you and to walk side by side. Sometimes he wasn't even in the dream, the only thing he could see was you and your smile. It was like you were always on your golden hour. You couldn't seem to get out of his mind.

Those oh so romantic nights became sleepless nights after a while, with him not wanting to fall in love with you even after closing his eyes. But that didn't seem to be so smart considering he would spend those late hours on the phone with you, muffled giggles and whispers.

He didn't want to fall for you. He tried to say countless times that it meant nothing, that you were just friends. But he knows it's all lies. He's fallen for good, and the only thing he can do about it is wait for the night to come so he can see you again, be it either through the phone or with his eyes closed.

Masterlist | you'll probably like: 305

Thank you for reading <3

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @dandelions-143

Credits for image 1 , 2 and 3

Dividers by @cafekitsune

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gureumz · 1 year ago

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are you mine? (are you? part 2)

rating: explicit

members: sunghoon, heeseung

notes/warnings: fem!reader, INFIDELITY, angst, bf!heeseung, reader cheats on heeseung (again), university setting, dirty talk, unprotected sex, creampies, mentions of degrading words in a non-sexual manner, i reiterate again: THERE IS CHEATING IN THIS STORY

a/n: i didn't intend to write a part 2 for 'are you?' but a lot of people wanted to know how it would turn out so here it is! this is much shorter than the first part and is mostly just vibes but with the events of the first part, what else is there to say? 🧍🏻‍♀️

read part 1 here

"do you want to meet my parents?"

you tense under heeseung's touch, hand midway down his bare chest. he's laying on his side, facing you, your legs tangled underneath the blanket. the warmth of his body fades away when a silent chill runs down your spine.

"yeah," you let out uneasily, chuckling in an attempt to mask your nerves. "but, not anytime soon."

heeseung's face remains the same, eyes unreadable as he examines your features. he brushes your hair behind your shoulder, running his fingertips down the flesh of your arm.

"why not? it's been almost four months since we started going out," heeseung replies softly, drawing circles on your elbow.

you move your arm away.

"i just don't think i'm ready," you say with an air of finality, hoping that heeseung would drop the subject.

you don't think you'll ever be ready. not after...

heeseung watches you for a few moments. to your surprise, he nods, lips spreading into an understanding smile.

"okay," heeseung chirps. "that's fine."

your chest feels like it's been caved in, relief and dread filling in like heavy sand.

"thank you," you say, smiling up at your boyfriend's face.

heeseung moves closer and plants a chaste kiss on your lips. you respond, endeared by the gentle pass of his mouth on yours, a contrast to how rough he was with you merely minutes before.

"if anything's bothering you, you know you can always tell me right?" heeseung whispers, placing slow, loving kisses on your face.

your heart seems to stop, then picks up beating ten times faster. heeseung isn't very vocal, and this sudden display of affirmation has you reeling.

he knows. he must know.

you laugh, a nervous shake in your voice. a half-baked joke enters your mind.

"anything?" you attempt playfully. heeseung takes the bait and pulls back, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"what if i was secretly a serial killer?" you deadpan, narrowing your eyes at heeseung. a smile tugs at the edges of your lips.

heeseung chuckles, pulling you against his chest. he presses his lips one more time to your forehead.

"then i would gladly be your victim."

---

"i'm yours."

you whimper at these words, pulling him closer to you, face buried in his sturdy shoulder. he moves passionately against you and your whole body erupts in invisible flames.

"all yours," sunghoon reiterates, tongue running along the line of your jaw.

"you don't mean that," you argue weakly.

your cheeks burn up as you realize just how loud the two of you are being. his dorm bed creaking, headboard banging against the wall. you knew it was safer to meet him here, less of a chance that your boyfriend might find something that isn't his.

"i do," sunghoon replies gruffly. "a slave to you, to this—god—to this fucking pussy."

you sob at his words, a mix of arousal, elation, and remorse rising in you. with sunghoon, it just felt too good, too alluring to refuse. he was a lighthouse, standing out in a sea of darkness you didn't even know you were stranded on.

with him, you were, you are shameless.

sunghoon finishes inside you, but not before you reach the finish line first, sans condom this time, as he had so many times since that night in his car.

the thought makes you feel filthy all over, in desperate need of a shower, to scrub all sin from your skin.

"spend the night," sunghoon says once he hands you a towel for you to use. you hold it to your core, wincing when you feel the simultaneous ache and squelch of his release dribbling out of you. you catch it before it stains his sheets.

you've never spent the night here before. you check the digital clock on sunghoons desk and it reads 1:13 a.m.

"i can't. heeseung's coming over early to walk me to class," you inform, twisting the towel in your hands.

sunghoon watches you from where he sits on the edge of his bed. you meet his eyes and you know he can see right through you.

heeseung's not really coming over.

"fine," you finally concede. you pretend not to notice the brief twitch in sunghoon's mouth.

"i kinda want to shower though," you add, eyes flitting over to the bathroom door.

sunghoon grins, leaning close. you wrap your arms around your knees protectively. he stares at your face for a second before kissing you softly, so soft you barely feel it.

"whatever you want," sunghoon says.

---

sunghoon holds you close under the shower now. a million thoughts are racing through your mind. in this space, at this time, it seems like the world has stopped and only the two of you are living beings in existence.

"text me tomorrow," sunghoon reminds, deep voice echoing against the bathroom walls.

you sigh, lifting your head from where it rests on his chest.

"you know i can't do that."

and you can't.

all your exchanges have been through brief, curt phone calls. sunghoon was smart enough to punch in his number on your phone after you were done in the parking lot that night. since then, you've labored over deleting every call log your phone creates after each conversation.

heeseung was none the wiser.

"then call," sunghoon corrects himself. "i love hearing your voice."

ironically, you don't say anything more to that.

---

"i can't believe i've been assigned on a project with him!"

your ears perk up.

the restaurant you're in is empty at this hour, with the rush of lunch ending some time ago. you pick up a french fry from the bowl you and heeseung are sharing, popping the greasy treat into your mouth.

"who?" you question.

"sunghoon."

the initial reaction you have to your boyfriend mentioning the guy you've been fucking behind his back has grown weaker over the past few weeks, but with how often heeseung references sunghoon, it's a surprise you haven't thrown up all over yourself in sheer guilt.

"oh, him again?" you throw out nonchalantly. you busy yourself with your phone, ignoring the way heeseung looks at you quizzically.

"what do you mean 'again'?"

you look at heeseung, trying to portray the perfect mix of exasperation and cluelessness.

"it's always sunghoon this and sunghoon that," you explain. "if i didn't know better, i'd say you were in love with the guy."

ha ha. what a funny joke.

and much to your surprise, heeseung finds this absolutely hilarious. he lets out a genuine, hearty laugh, slamming the table with his palm.

"he wishes," heeseung responds with a snort. "he's always trying to one-up me, copying everything i do, following me around like a puppy. i'd say he was in love with me."

wrong.

you laugh along, finishing off another french fry.

---

"you're trying to steal my boyfriend's life, is that it?"

sunghoon stops typing on his laptop, turning to you from where he's seated at his desk. you're sprawled over his bed, wearing one of his shirts.

"excuse me?" sunghoon says, as if fighting off the urge to laugh.

you slide off the mattress, sauntering over to him. you throw a leg over his lap, sinking down until you're straddling sunghoon. his large hands hold you by your waist. looking down at him at this moment, you feel every fiber of your being light up with a sort of giddiness you've never felt before.

"heeseung told me about how you're always trying to one-up him and 'beat him at his own game', so to speak," you explain.

"and now you're banging me, his girlfriend, every chance you get," you add cheekily, kissing the corner of sunghoon's mouth.

sunghoon exhales, hands traveling up your back, cradling you, holding you close.

"i don't want to steal his life," sunghoon says, voice low.

"even if i came with it?" you question, tilting your head to the side. sunghoon grins, kissing you so suddenly, you fall back against his desk.

"such a clever, clever girl."

you're trembling now.

anticipation. want. need.

"my clever girl," he adds.

---

the first cracks start showing the day you ask sunghoon about his wanting heeseung's life.

you promised to meet heeseung for dinner later that day but not before you rid yourself of sunghoon's shirt, of course. he sent you off with a long, heady kiss against the door of his dorm.

you were distracted for the entirety of the meal. heeseung could tell. you know heeseung could tell. something was eating at you from inside.

it didn't help when heeseung made a mindless comment on the way back to your own dorm room.

"you smell different," he had said.

you surrendered to the idea that you were irrevocably fucked at that point. you made a sorry excuse about borrowing a friend's perfume, nonetheless.

the cracks are spreading, spiderwebs of destruction in the walls of your relationship.

sunghoon is a proud man, not unlike heeseung. he's greedy, selfish, controlled by his desires.

you aren't as careful as you used to be. first, a hair tie, a black one, like any other hair tie. you left it at sunghoon's dorm one day. to this day, he wears it like a badge of honor.

a shirt next. a considerable jump from a hair tie, but sunghoon lent you one, and delirious with sleep, neither of you noticed when you waltzed right out of his room still brandishing the white tee that was obviously too big for you.

you made it under your own covers on your own bed when you finally realized.

lastly, a hickey.

you've done it now. you've fucked up so bad you can already see heeseung razing both heaven and hell as he finds out.

"fuck," you mutter under your breath, staring daggers at your reflection, at the red-purple mark just above your collarbone.

"fuck!"

how could both of you reach this point? practically gallivanting your affair under heeseung's nose. it sickens you. you're disgusted with yourself.

but you know you're only this appalled because you're a hair away from being caught.

you jump when you hear the door to your room slam shut. of course. of course. heeseung has a copy of your dorm room key. you gave it to him a few weeks ago as a sort of milestone in your relationship.

you think to yourself with much irritability that you shouldn't have done that.

the ceiling is caving in. run. run now.

"_________?" heeseung calls out. you hear him approach the bathroom door. he knocks and you feel like screaming.

so polite. heeseung's always so polite.

"i don't feel good, hee," you manage. you definitely feel sick and you want to pass out.

"what's wrong? do you need to go to the hospital?" heeseung asks, voice growing loud with concern. he tries the doorknob.

"no!" you yell a little too loud. "it's just—i just need to be left alone, please."

silence.

you hold your breath, staring at your reflection in the mirror.

you don't even know who's looking back at you.

"okay," heeseung finally says after a few moments. "let me know if you need anything, please?"

you call out a reply, collapsing to the bathroom floor once you hear your door close once more.

---

you ignore him for a week.

he tries to come over but you shoo him away with one excuse or another. your conversations are contained in dry texts and obligated phone calls. he asks what's wrong. he pleads with you.

nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong!

heeseung seems like a far-off memory now. you haven't properly looked at his face in days. you haven't held him in much longer.

today, he's waiting for you outside your dorm. he looks like shit. dark circles under his eyes, hair disheveled, clothes unironed.

"baby, what's happening?" heeseung asks, not even sparing you any formalities. no 'hey', 'hi', or 'hello'.

he holds you by the arms, still gentle as ever and only now do you see the damage in his eyes. damage you've inflicted.

"i—," you begin. what are you going to say? sorry, i've been fucking sunghoon behind your back for the better part of four months, i let him call me his and i agree when he says he's mine?

"i can't do this anymore," you whisper, head hung low.

"do what? what can't you do?" heeseung demands, voice rising into a desperate whine.

"baby, please," he continues, sinking to his knees. he looks up at you and he's crying.

"what did i do?"

you watch heeseung sob at your feet and it's the most difficult thing you've had to watch thus far. you ball your hands into fists, confused, angry, regretful.

where's that ego now, heeseung? why aren't you mad? be mad! yell at me, blame me for something, tell me how much better off you'd be with someone else! make it easier for me to tell the world that you hurt me!

"you didn't do anything," you say, tears now falling from your own eyes.

heeseung just looks at you. looks at you for what seems like hours. his face, previously crumped up in despair, morphs into an expression of clarity.

he knows.

heeseung pulls himself up from the ground, letting go of you and stepping back, as if shocked by electricity.

"i hope you're happy."

you know what that means.

go fuck yourself. fuck you and whoever the guy is. you're a whore, a bitch, a waste of my time!

you look at heeseung one final time, shoulders shaking as your whole body is racked with sobs.

"i love you," heeseung declares.

he brushes past you, down the stairs, out the lobby, out the exit.

out of your life.

---

you truly are sick. you're vile. you're the worst.

sunghoon knows even before you can say anything. he pulls you into his room and into his arms, whispering nonsense to you as you cry into his chest.

and then you're kissing, hands pulling at clothes, tongues dragging against skin, blood rushing in your ears.

you know this makes sunghoon feel better about himself. you're not stupid. you carried out a secret affair for weeks. of course, you aren't.

you realize now that it's sunghoon who has an ego.

he relishes in the way you cling to him so desperately, basks in the sounds you make, mixed with his name.

"i've got you," sunghoon reassures, arms braced on either side of your head as he fucks you down on his bed.

"please," you whimper out, holding sunghoon's face in your hands. he's going so deep, abusing your hole and it feels so good.

sunghoon kisses you and it's forceful and needy and everything you need at this moment.

"you're mine," sunghoon grunts, your bottom lip caught between his.

you mewl as he lets go of your lip with a tug.

"i'm yours," you say.

sunghoon leaves kisses all over your chest, neck, and jaw. he's getting you closer to your release. you want it, you want it so bad.

"and i'm yours?" sunghoon questions, kissing behind your ear.

"all mine," you confirm.

---

you wake up the next day, limbs heavy and a colossal headache bursting through your head. you feel arms tighten around your midsection and it's a tidal wave of memories of the day before for the next few seconds.

you bury yourself further into the pillows and covers.

sunghoon kisses the nape of your neck and you drift back into sleep.

#enhypen smut #enhypen scenarios #sunghoon smut #sunghoon scenarios #w: sunghoon #w: heeseung

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