#don't you just love how i talk about them as if they were canonically exes

[beanghostprincess]

how would you fix shuggy? or are they better off as exes in friendly terms? i feel like once buggy gets over his grudges and gets to laughtale he could forgive him pretty easily

OH-- This is actually a really fun question. See, the thing about Buggy and Shanks is that Buggy doesn't only hold grudges against him, but also feels inferior to him in a way that being next to him instantly makes him feel bad. Even if Shanks had chosen to go find the One Piece right away, I think the breakup would've happened anyway at some point. It is a personal journey Buggy has to face (similar to Usopp's because, well, they're very similar in a few things).

I think the only way they could fix it and go back together is by letting Buggy be confident about himself without actively caring about Shanks and seeing himself as an equal to him. And the first step for that is getting Cross Guild's respect and actually showing that he is capable of leadership and showing he is a real pirate. This is why I keep saying Crocodile and Mihawk should have this realization and make Buggy sort of know he doesn't have to live in Shanks' shadow anymore. Etc, etc, etc. Then they can go to Laugh Tale together and do whatever they want.

HOWEVER! We're talking in the context of a romantic relationship here and tbh Buggy has spent so many years being mad at Shanks I think he'd need a while to get used to being with him like old times? Or maybe they don't even have to. I think their relationship can be "fixed" without them dating again, tbh. That being said, I want them to get married and be happy so let's say what Buggy needs is just confidence and finding out why Shanks didn't wanna go for the One Piece right away and have a normal conversation with him instead of always falling into the miscommunication hole. Maybe what they need is to sit down and talk but they're,,, Stubborn. So good luck to them.

[lowkeyrobin]

Miguel x reader but reader is just absolutely in love with Miguel but Miguel has eyes for sam and reader tries to be supportive be can't so they distance themself away from Miguel😁

- ♠️

dude I swear we're gonna brawl and I'm gonna make the guy ur talking too watch as I win. I'm so srs rn I'm gonna tell meemaw (I lit don't even know them all that well but idc) ; anyways thanks I guess 😒 /sarc ; but I went a little off the rails w this one cause why not

MIGUEL DIAZ ; casual

summary ; you have eyes for miguel while he slowly distances himself to be with sam, and you accept your fate

warnings ; language, physical fighting / a punch thrown

disclaimers ; miguel is a whole fucking villain, kinda off to canon timeline cause I'm rewatching atm and it's hard to keep 5 seasons straight in the brain, fun hawk tory and demetri content cause they'd be so cool together

track ; casual, chappell roan

word count ; 1.4k

masterlist

You thought that maybe after all these months being with Miguel meant that you were together. Apparently not.

After two weeks of dating, his mom invited you over for dinner.

You gave him everything.

You did everything for him, you owed him everything, you could only thank him for being alive now.

After all the passionate making out, the special dates, the first time experiences, after everything, he said that. He said that there were no attachments. Every time you kissed, you gained anger issues, knowing his lips were probably on another's at some point between the last and now.

He made out with you after pressing you against the wall while his family sat at the dinner table down the hall.

But no, it was just casual.

You knew he just told his friends that it was just casual.

You loved being dumb about it for a while, at least while you thought it was real. After graduation, you'd have an apartment, and he'd show you off to his friends at the pier.

You noticed his unfocused gaze upon you. You noticed how he looked more interested in Sam LaRusso, again, for that matter.

You were just a rebound, apparently.

But apparently, it was just casual when he made out with you in the locker room just before the All Valley tournament. Yeah, it was just casual when you were on the phone trying to convince him not to run away to go find his dad, yet he went anyways.

You made out with him when you went to dinner, his mom and Johnny at the table.

Yet once he knew that you knew that he was into Sam again, he wondered why you were bitter. He bragged to his friends about how much he loved your lips, how much he wanted you and how amazing you were.

You hated how you allowed it to drag on, how you let it break you as much as it possibly could before you just gave the fuck up.

You hated yourself.

You hated yourself for allowing it to happen. You hated yourself for letting him think it was just casual. You hated yourself for not fucking killing him once you caught him in the act.

But no, you had to be the chill person who would just shrug it off.

At least some of your mutual friends were on your side after you texted them about it. Demetri, Tory, and Hawk the most, slightly surprisingly on Hawk's part.

The trio immediately rushed to your house, knowing you needed someone to lean on. For fuck's sake, you just saw your supposed boyfriend making out with his ex in a rollerrink.

The (kind of unlikely) trio, during a grace period between Eagle Fang slash Cobra Kai and Miyagi-Do, had to team up just this once for their favorite, non-Miguel friend. They were all shocked and disgusted by Miguel's actions, though kind of expecting it.

He was infamous for his love triangles, apparently.

Tory holds you in her arms, allowing your vulnerability to show through while Demetri talks, hoping his rambles would ease your pain. Hawk is downstairs, making you some mac and cheese since you hadn't eaten dinner.

"Fuck him," Tory smiles, cutting of Demetri's nonsense ramble. "You're better than him, in many ways, actually. But, he lost you, that's his problem. You're free, Y/n. It wasn't just casual, I don't know why he's lying to himself, but he and Sam can go suck it. He clearly doesn't deserve you. You're way out of his league anyway"

You look up at her, a smile painting your face before you hug her. "Thanks, Tory"

Demetri awkwardly sits on the foot of your bed, unknowing of what to say or do. Tory gives him a look, considering you'd need feedback from both male and female friends of yours slash Miguel's. Her current state of mind was just showing you that there were apparently sides and they were on yours.

Demetri nods, quickly getting the message. "Yeah, he doesn't deserve you. You should like, get him back or something. Or at least yell at him, or something. I mean, getting back with your ex while trying to tell your current partner it's just casual? He fumbled"

You giggle, wiping your tears away. "Thanks, dude."

A light knock is heard at the door before it's opened, revealing Hawk with a tray carrying four bowls of mac and cheese, forks stuck in each of them. In his pockets are water bottles, two shoved in each one. The purple haired boy lightly sets the food down on your dresser, handing a bowl to each of you, then tossing you a bottle of water.

You all eat in silence, you trying to gather your thoughts while the others attempt to even wrap their minds around what you were going through after what Miguel did. In the background, on Demetri's phone, The Umbrella Academy plays, his phone perched against a few pillows on the bed where you were all huddled together.

Hawk and Tory share a look before turning back to the screen, enjoying the calm quiet that basked over them.

"what do you mean, why am i bitter???"

"youre being weird about this, we were never anything. you were basically a rebound. get over it omfg"

The three look up from your phone then at you, astonished looks painting their expressions. Their eyebrows are furrowed, their eyes widened.

"What the fuck?" Tory asks, "You weren't lying about that, were you?"

You shake your head. "Literally, what does he want from me? Of course I'm mad, he basically lead me on and won't explain why he was making out with his ex, then bragging to his friends about "oh we're casual"

Demetri bites his lower lip, trying not to laugh, considering it was a nervous tic of his. He shares an eyebrow jump with Hawk before listening in again. Hawk quickly grabs your phone from your hands unexpectedly.

"Dude-"

"What're you doing?"

"Calling him"

"What?!"

"Why?"

"I'm not talking to him-"

The dial tone makes your skin crawl as you hear it.

"Just let it out," Hawk shrugs, handing you the phone.

"Feel like I'd rather do this in real life, Moskowitz."

You feel an absolute weight fall from your shoulders as it moves to the voicemail, seeing as Miguel declined the call himself. You sigh out of relief, quickly shutting your phone off.

You glare at Hawk.

"Would you rather do it face to face? I can tell him to meet me somewhere and we'll jump him or something" He shrugs.

"Violence isn't gonna help anything," Tory declines. "We'll get him to go somewhere quiet yet busy. That way, you can expose him or something. Mental violence is better than physical"

"Says the champion of the All Valley girl's team"

"I'm tempted to paralyze him again."

The three friends share half fearful looks, knowing you didn't joke lightly in times like this. They lay their eyes upon Sam and Miguel again, holding hands as they walk through the hallway.

You bite your tongue, trying to hold back yelling profanities as they walk past you. You lean against the red lockers where Demetri fishes out a few textbooks from his. Tory stands by you while Hawk leans against them as well, arms crossed.

"What if we tell people there's a fight, you expose him, since you got receipts, and you beat him up?" Hawk suggests, throwing his idea out there.

You shrug. "I think he could beat my ass. That'd be embarrassing"

He shrugs in return. "Eh. He hasn't been practicing recently. He's probably a little rusty. Like, he hasn't been showing up to class for days"

Tory and Demetri nod to confirm Hawk's statement. You shrug again.

"M'kay"

"You wanna get suspended over this?" Demetri asks, closing his locker.

"First offense," you reply with an informative tone.

"Oh, I'm crazy because I thought you gave a shit about me? Please, inform me what casual is to you"

"Something not serious."

"But that's why we went out on dates, and why I did everything you asked of me?"

"You didn't have too"

"So?"

"So what?"

"So you're a bitch"

You quickly pull your clenched fist back, then push forward to hit Miguel straight in the face. He quickly gasps, along with the bystanders, holding a hand to his now bleeding nose.

"What the hell?"

Tory and Hawk goofily grin while Demetri lightly smiles, proud of you for sticking to your word.

"Too-da-loo, mister casual." You spin on your heel, walking back to your three friends.

They wrap you into side hugs, pulling you away from the shocked boy who'd essentially played you. Bystanders laugh at him and gawk at you, snapping pictures, sending videos across the school.

A happy little smile remains on your face as you're sent home for the rest of the week.

[l13]

bitter

dunno what brought this on but reader has good taste;P also let's pretend that lyla is team reader x miguel for plot reasons

word count: 2.3k

WARNINGS: NSFW 18+, MDNI, f!reader, ex!miguel, aged up bf!hobie<3, miguel has some v descriptive sexual thoughts about you (p in v sex, f!receiving oral), swearing, jealousy, ANGSTTT

English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any misspells, errors or grammatically incorrect sentences.

Miguel often thinks about how he ended up giving in to his desires and starting a situationship with you, how he regrets it when he can tell how you've fallen for him. How your eyes crinkle when you smile at him, looking at him like he hung the moon. He regrets it because that's how he looks at you as well.

Why’d you have to ask him on that stupid date?

“That’d be unprofessional.” is what Miguel had said in reply. Because it was the truth. You were only fucking, nothing more.

You’d scoffed, “Oh come on, Miguel, we’re not office workers. Surely we can go out together?”

“What, fucking me ain’t enough for you?”

You'd huffed, your expression dull, shaking your head in disbelief, “No, actually, it isn’t. I genuinely like you, is that so bad?”

Miguel had ignored the flip his stomach did at your confession “You know why we can’t, now drop it.”

“No, I want you to tell me why.”

“It’s not in the canon” He cringes every time he remembers what he’d said, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was right. He was, but fuck, how he wanted to be wrong. He so desperately wanted it to be him that you were meant to fall in love with, him you were meant to build a life together.

“Fuck the canon.” had been your reply, before you turned to walk away and he'd made no move to follow you.

He'd failed to ignore Lyla when she'd whistled, “That was painful even for me,”

“Jesus- can you not?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, can't interrupt your brooding time. I'm just saying. You prevented the woman of your dreams from falling in love with you, because she's meant to fall for someone else? But that's stupid- Your heart literally jumps when you see her-”

“Lyla I swear to God, if you don't stop talking-”

And now, as he stands in front of your house months later, waiting for you to answer the door, Miguel found himself to be annoyed. Annoyed that he hadn't gotten your mission report on time, and had to come and fetch it for himself.

Some sick, twisted part of his brain wanted you to have forgotten it on purpose, and ignored his calls in order for him to come over, maybe reconcile- fuck your brains out till you're begging him to take you back, even if it meant putting your feelings aside.

“She better be home,” Miguel hisses to himself, his hand massaging his temples, and he doesn't even flinch when Lyla shows up out of nowhere “Oh, she is. The thermal scan picks her up, see? Wait who’s-”

Miguel was thankful for the interruption, but what he saw when you opened the door was not at all what he expected, or was even prepared for.

You were practically naked, an oversized t-shirt covering your body, stopping just under your ass and- Jesus Christ were those thigh highs? Yes they were, pretty ones, too. They were sheer white tights, that ended just in the middle of your plush thighs, the material hugging your legs beautifully, the very top of them decorated with a lace material, giving them a sexy twist.

God, he'd get on his knees right here and now if you just asked-Miguel licked his lips and cleared his throat, quickly averting his gaze, praying that he doesn't appear flustered.

“Miguel! Are you okay? Is something wrong? Hey Lyla-” you seem out of breath as you talk, clearly not bothered by your lack of clothing in front of him. Lyla offers you a bright hello and wave, one you softly smile at.

No, he's not fucking okay.

“I'm great.” he hisses, but really he was trying to convince himself of it. You study him for a bit longer before humming, not believing him for a moment.

“I need the report from the mission that you were sent to do yesterday. The one you forgot to send me.” Miguel inhales sharply and stands taller, trying to hide the fact that your presence damages his brain functionality severely, by trying to look more intimidating.

Memories of last night flash in your mind suddenly, being pressed against your bookshelf, the furniture rattling loudly, books almost toppling to the floor, but you didn’t have the heart in you to care. Not when he was grinding up at you, hand under your thigh to keep you upright as you moaned against his mouth crossing your legs around his waist and bringing him closer, the sound of your watch beeping pulling you out of your trance, “Fuck, wait. T-the reports-”

He undid your watch expertly with one hand, and you gasped trying to snatch it from his grasp, but he held it up above your head, placing it on top of your bookshelf carelessly, before grabbing the top shelf to brace himself and grind himself harder against you, moaning under his breath, “Fuck ‘em.”

Your eyes widen comically, and you sputter, “Right! Shit- fuck. I'm sorry, umm, wait here.” and you slam the door right in his face. Miguel's eyebrow twitches.

There's shuffling from inside before Miguel realizes that you're talking to someone-

“Can you go in five minutes? Please?”

“Nah, ‘m afraid I need to go right now, love. Got things to do, places to be.”

“Can't you open up a portal here?”

“When there’s a perfectly usable front door? I don’ think so,” “C’mon pretty.. what are y’so afraid of?”

“He’s our boss.”

“He’s your ex. Now, if you’re ashamed to be seen with me, I get it-”

“No! Baby, no. I just don’t want to rub it in his face, don't want him to think that I am either,”

“But that’s so boring. Let’s make ‘im suffer, you’ll thank me later-”

“Hob-”

The door opens suddenly and Miguel could act surprised, could act like he’s been waiting for quite a while not knowing what’s going on inside, but he doesn’t. Not when he’s face to face with Hobie. Not when he obviously knows how good Miguel’s hearing is, how he could definitely hear every word that was spoken, not when you’d tried to be nice- tried to whisper and be subtle, not when Hobie blatantly did the opposite out of spite.

So he just stares ahead with a blank face, as Hobie leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest lazily. There’s a hickey on his neck and Miguel feels like he might throw up.

And somehow, Miguel still thinks that this is all some sick joke, a prank, a dream. Anything to explain what he's seeing. Because there’s no way you're dating Hobie. There’s no way you fucked Hobie fucking Brown- the single most annoying person in Miguel’s life (after peter, of course). And after what, only eight months after you stopped seeing him? That's how long it took for you to get over him? He can almost hear Lyla laughing in his head, 'You're just bitter that you're not over her yet'

Hobie smirks at him “Hello mate, long time no see.” Miguel at least has the human decency to offer him a curt nod, which Hobie apparently finds hilarious as he huffs out a laugh, “'S alright if I send my report later, right? I'm kind of exhausted right now, did a lot of runnin' yesterday, y'know,”

Lyla visibly winces and disappears a second later.

Running. Miguel needed breathing exercises and he needed them now-

Miguel's eyes snapped to yours. Were you just gonna let Hobie talk all that shit, without saying anything? (Knowing Hobie's life was in imminent danger?) Apparently so, because you just scoffed and rolled your eyes with a smile on your face. What a great couple you two made.

He refused to believe that this is who you chose, refused to acknowledge that his anger was pointed at himself and not you. He’d never, ever, admit it, not even at gunpoint, but Hobie was a good kid, he’d treat you right and that's what pissed him off the most.

“Fuck the canon.” Hobie would have laughed and nodded in agreement at your words, not Miguel though. Miguel had said nothing and it had cost him his future with you.

Sensing that Miguel wouldn’t reply anytime soon, Hobie just shrugged nonchalantly, “Thanks for understanding, boss.”

Miguel felt like he could hear his own veins pulsing. Boss, he'd called him boss. That little-

Turning to you, Hobie throws a hand around your waist and squeezes you against him, pressing a kiss on your cheek “I'll see you later love, don' forget to put some ice on that, yeah?” he lays a slap on your ass that makes you almost tumble forward, and Hobie's smirk widens when he sees Miguel ball his fists at his sides, nostrils flaring. Hobie throws a wink at Miguel before squeezing through him to walk out, seeing as Miguel didn't make any attempt to get out of the way.

Miguel doesn't turn to see him open up a portal to leave, he's too busy looking at the way the multi-colored lights illuminate your face, how you grin and wave shyly at your boyfriend.

“So sorry about him.. d'you wanna come in?” you ask, shifting from one leg to another once the portal disappears. Miguel just stares at you, eyes hooded, mouth pressed in a tight line.

“Ookay, I’ll just go get the- yeah” you trail off and turn to walk deeper into your apartment, and Miguel hates himself for craning his neck to catch a glimpse of your ass. And then hates himself even more when he thinks about how smug Hobie would be if he knew Miguel was checking out his girl. He'd say some dumb shit like "Wanting somethin' you can't have again, boss?"

Meanwhile, you're standing on your tippy-toes in front of your infamous bookshelf, arm outstretched, trying to grab your watch but to no use, cursing Hobie in your mind for putting it so high up. You had no idea that by trying to get your stupid watch, you were giving Miguel the perfect view of your backside, seeing as your shirt rode up each time you stretched out your arm.

No, fuck that. You knew exactly what you were doing, and Hobie was right. Let him suffer. He chose this, so now he can deal with the consequences.

Miguel wanted to give everything up right then and there. It's funny how quickly you could strip him of his morals, and he just wishes he could have done that before realizing he'd lost you forever. He could picture his future in his mind so clearly, if only he'd just said yes to your question.

“Will you go out with me?"

He’d resign, move out some place nice, next to a beach preferably. Spend his days laying on the sand and drinking piña coladas with no care in the world.

Except you’d be there. Straddling his lap to steal his drink, giggling and laughing when he tried to take it back from you. He’d grab your hips and with a swift motion you'd switch places, your back against the hot sand. The drink would spill from the movement, the liquid falling over your bikini covered tits, and you’d gasp oh-so prettily when he’d bend to lick it all up.

You’d moan even sweeter when he’d move lower, when he’d eat you out till you’re a crying, babbling mess, whining that you can’t take it anymore. Oh, but you could. You would take it, and he’d prove it when he’d later fuck you against the pool, and he’d make sure he fucked you good. Your mewls would be panted against his ear as he’d thrust into you relentlessly, your fingers digging into his wet back, and all he’d taste would be your pretty moans and the faint taste of rum against his tongue.

His cheeks would hurt from how hard he'd be grinning as he stared at you when you both would go for a walk by the beach later. He'd jog up to you, springing you in his arms, nuzzling his head against your hair- your distinctive smell fogging up his brain- your laughter mixing together, as you chased each other through the waves.

When you'd had enough, and stood panting, your -now wet- dress clinging to you like second skin, he'd drop to his knee, pulling out a ring from his pocket, one he was anxious not to drop when he was chasing you around, and you'd gape at him, tears already welling up in your eyes.

You would have said yes that night. In fact, the word would have been repeated against his shoulder as he fucked you later, rolling his hips into you slowly, kissing your pretty tears, holding you, loving you–

“Done! I just sent it–,” you could have sworn you and Miguel shivered at the same time when he blinked down at you, his mouth parted. His eyes were glistening all of a sudden, and it made your whole being fill with a sense of longing and dread.

“Lyla?” you swallowed harshly at Miguel's hoarse tone, gnawing at your lip as you avoided his gaze.

It was as if Lyla knew not to fuck with him either, because she didn't even make him beg for it, instead pulling up a hologram that showed the report, “Yup, got it!”

You cleared your throat, eager to get back into bed and forget the look on his face just now, suddenly feeling nostalgic for a memory you couldn't quite place- “I'm sorry that I forgot, it won’t happen again, promise.”

Yes it will.

“See you back at HQ?”

Miguel hums, not saying anything, not even caring to correct you, because he’d sooner see you in his dreams than at headquarters.

2023 © l13 | Do not steal, copy, edit, translate or re-post any of my works.

[yamujiburo]

Some of this might sound intentionally hostile in text and I apologize.

I'm saying this as an abuse survivor mind you - don't throw "abusive ships" under the bus so easily - at least, so long as they're not actually glamorizing the abuse. I lived that irl and I personally find someone overcoming it, slowly having enough of that bullshit and getting out over time, and the other person having to wipe their own butt for once after they've made the damn mess, very refreshing. Maybe that's not a ship in the traditional sense. It's no happily ever after bc it shouldn't be, but I find stories like mine shyed away from so often because even the portrayal gets considered a "canon ship". ... that's just how media works now, I guess? I very rarely See a fictional relationship not called a ship in literally any context now so that's the definition I'm running on.

I wish more people were willing to portray the hardships of finding acceptance outside of "whoever you can find will accept you" very much, and finding the better things after. I wish people weren't terrified out of portrayimg situations like mine.

Jessie.. is not a good person in canon. You expect me to believe she moved into to hanamusa seamlessly, without falling on her ass? I never see you talk about Jessie's abusive tendencies in canon. You never talk about the inherent meanness she needed to get over to get there. She's quite aml lot like my ex in canon, actually.

What do you mean you're going to just remove from the character that she is abusive to those around her. Jessie hits people. She takes her own junk out on others all the time. Do you even like the character then, are you actually invested in her growing, or are you just making an OC at this point?

Idk. Do you, boo. But you are posting about a character who, whether you like it or not, is canonically abusive. I just don't buy that dating Ash's mom alone fixed her. That isn't... How that works. It would be excellent if it did. Part of my love of hanamusa is that it signals Jessie's change - but she could have changed for anyone before now.

What makes Delia different? How is she specifically a turning point for Jessie? Because Jessie's flaws go well beyond just bossing people around.

I would love if my abuser had the same outcome as your Jessie. I adore your portayals of hanamusa, where she's still flawed but still strives to do better. That's all I ever wanted from my ex.

What the fuck got her there tho.

Anyways I've been watching a lot of Bojack Horseman lately -

I agree with you! I don't think abusive relationships (or any tough subject matter in general) should be shied away from in media. It can be powerful when executed well and written by folks who are equipped to tell those kinds of stories. I do think it's sad when people treat it as off limits. But the ask I got was definitely more about which ships I have where I actually like the relationship between the characters. I think the semantics of the word "ship" are kind of vague or rather, over time, got so specific to only mean "absolutely love together and want them as endgame" (for most people anyways). So that's usually what I take the word to mean when people ask me about it.

I can 100% appreciate how an abusive relationship is written and handled, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna ship an abuser with their victim (that falls into the glorifying you're talking about). Love Bojack Horseman! Big fan! I think the way they handled Bojack and Sarah Lynn was beautifully and tragically well written. But does that mean I ship Bojack and Sarah Lynn? Absolutely fucking not.

I've talked about Jessie's character plenty on this blog and the way she's handled in earlier seasons specifically. This is kind of a summary: If we look at it on surface level, yes we can say she was abusive. But I think it's important to acknowledge and take into account the medium, time period and culture. Slapstick and cartoon violence was HUGE in anime and animation in the 90s (and prior to that too). Characters were always cartoonishly slapping each other around with giant mallets, folding fans, etc. Looney Tunes style. These slapstick bits were always distinct from real abuse and hurt (for Pokémon, Jessiebelle comes to mind). Mean slapstick wasn't a character trait exclusive to Jessie either. We saw it in Misty, James, Meowth, characters of the day and pretty much any character who got mad. It was a visual shortcut to show anger.

This type of slapstick has since (thankfully) died out and it hasn't really been a part of the Pokémon franchise since the early 2000s. However, Jessie was a notably special case. One of my favorite fun facts about the Pokémon anime is that there was a point in the series where Megumi Hayashibara (Jessie/Musashi's seiyuu) told the writers that moving forward, she no longer wanted Jessie to be violent or to be shown hitting James or Meowth (source: her memoir "The Characters Taught Me Everything"). She thought it directly went against the vision Takeshi Shudo had for Jessie, James and Meowth, when he created them, which was that they are good natured villains. If you watch from DP and on, Jessie never lays a hand on either of them. I think it was a such a good move on Pokémon's part to change her character like that and I'm forever grateful that Hayashibara said something! Whenever I write Jessie now, I always keep that in mind. She's mean, shouty and stupid but would never genuinely hurt those she cares about.

From then, her character becomes much more bearable. She's still bossy, mean and vain (typical cartoon villainess attributes) but I'd hesitate to say abusive. She'll still yell at James and Meowth, they all yell at each other, but in more of a sibling way (imo) rather than a "i'm actively trying to hurt your feelings way". The show makes a point especially in later seasons to show that Jessie, James and Meowth are not beyond being redeemed. From conception the whole POINT of the Team Rocket trio was that they are redeemable but their persistence and obsession keeps getting in the way of them seeing that there's a better life for them out there.

I won't deny that Jessie was unsavory in earlier seasons, but when I write her, I choose to write the version that Takeshi Shudo and Megumi Hayashibara had envisioned from the get go. She's still incredibly flawed and makes plenty missteps but wants to be better as you stated! My favorite part about Jessie is that she's a piece of shit LOL and I enjoy writing the changes she goes through to be better (but then still showing her default so some of her evil tendencies). In this AU, Delia doesn't fix Jessie. Jessie fixes Jessie because she is with someone makes her want to be a better person. She's already in the middle of turning over a new leaf before even meeting Delia, after leaving Team Rocket. Writing Jessie as legitimately abusive I think could work, but that's not my story to tell and if someone who were more equipped to tell that story did, I'd be very interested to take a listen!

I hope this doesn't come off as trying to deny or invalidate your experience. If you see that in Jessie, I hear you! This is just how I've interpreted her character over the years, having watched every episode of Pokémon and reading Japanese interviews from the cast and crew. She's such a compelling character and I love how messy she is

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | June 3rd-23th 2024 ~ Fics

Sorry for skipping a two weeks! I had a work thing the weekend before before last and work is a bit busy at the moment so I couldn't get to it during the week. Hope you enjoy!

Complete

Take the Lead by Inell/ @inell (Getting Together, Post-S7 | 1,3K | Teen): Buck and Eddie finally have a conversation that they’ve needed to have for months, if not years.

take me out and take me home by bellabrady (Getting Together | 1,7K | Not Rated): Maddie has been texting him, asking him if he’s asked Buck yet and reassuring him that he’ll say yes, although after a few days, it seems her patience started to run out and the reassurance kind of turned into bullying. So he’s going to do it. He’s going to ask Buck out on a date, today. Partially because he wants to finally be with Buck and this will hopefully be the start of that and partially because he’s getting tired of Maddie texting him that he’s a coward — Or: Buck and Eddie finally go on a date.

thanks, babe! by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (Getting Together | 1,8K | Teen): Eddie accidentally calls Buck babe and refuses to have a meltdown over it. It was just his subconscious betraying him because they were surrounded by couples, right? Right?!

hit the jackpot by coupe_de_foudre/ @panevanbuckley (Canon Divergent, 1x09: Trapped | 2K | General): “I’m your husband.” “You’re my husband? Holy shit!”

baby don't you know? (you're my golden hour) by ipretendtobesane/ @useramor (Post-S6 | Getting Together | 2K | General): Eddie will give him this: Chimney does wait months after Buck’s out of his coma and back by his side to bring it up. “How come you and Buck haven’t told anyone you’re together?”

I wish I could help by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (Post-7x05: You Don't Know Me, PWP | 2K | Explicit): Eddie is so pent up he can barely focus on his job – and Buck is all too happy to help. That’s just what friends do.

the 'i' in ikea stands for 'i love you' by ipretendtobesane/ / @useramor (Getting Together, Didn't Know They Were Dating | 2,8K | Teen): buck has some life changing realizations in the curtain section of ikea. mainly, he's really, really in love with his best friend.

Chance Encounter by Inell / @inell (Canon Divergent, Shannon Lives, Divorced Eddie/Shannon, S4 | 3K | Teen): When Eddie and Buck go to the Hollywood Farmer’s Market, Eddie doesn’t expect to run into his ex-wife for the first time since moving to LA two years ago.

(for every question why) you were my because by thatbuddie (talktothesky) (Post-S7, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): “Being boyfriends and being friends is really different,” Buck says. “But if you’re so okay being friends with him,” Eddie explains, “It means there wasn’t anything he did wrong while being your boyfriend. So I don’t understand why you broke up with him.” “I didn’t break up with him because he did anything wrong.” Eddie opens his arms wide and then lets them drop down to hit the side of his thighs. “But then what happened? I just don’t understand. What happened?” “You! That’s what happened: You!” (or, Buck breaks up with Tommy but won’t talk about it, and Eddie just needs to know why.)

of bake sales and overdue realizations by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Getting Together | 4,8K | Teen): Eddie doesn’t notice it until it becomes a thing that happens even when it’s just him and Buck, without Chris anywhere near them - but even then, he doesn’t find it strange, or give it much thought. Buck is the one who starts ending their phone calls with a quick ‘love you’ but it doesn't take long before Eddie does the same, often beating him to it.

one single static frame by signetsealed/ @gayeddieagenda (Post-S7, Pre-Buddie | 5K | General): Chris is gone and Buck and Eddie are called on for babysitting duty. Eddie has feelings about it.

some version of you that I might not have (but I did not lose) by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Coma Dream, Pre-Buddie | 5K | Teen): Either Eddie is dreaming and can't wake up, or he's losing his mind. He's not sure which one is more likely.

Baby Got Buck by bgonemydear, Chash/ @ponyregrets (Pre-canon to S7 | 5K | Mature): Five times Buck checked out a guy's ass before he figured out he was bi, and one time someone checked out his after.

sounding like the rest of my life by coupe_de_foudre/ @panevanbuckley (Canon Divergent, Getting Together | 6K | General): or, Eddie does a Ravi and swaps shifts for a bit, only everyone on B Shift is convinced that he and Buck are married. they might not be as wrong as Eddie initially thought.

buried deep, our love comes home by lookforanewangle (Post-3x15: Eddie Begins | 7K | Teen): “You care for him.” “Of course I do,” Buck says, gaze back on Eddie against his will. He squeezes Eddie’s hand again. “He’s my best friend.” “That’s not what I meant.” “I—I don’t—Bobby, it-it’s not like that—” or: After a traumatic few days, Buck and Eddie get their shit together.

i told my future by reading your lips by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (2x06: Dosed, Time Travel | 7K | Teen): In 2018, on their way to a call at a child beauty pageant, and feeling a little strange, Buck and Eddie are suddenly thrown into a fast-paced look at some key moments from their future. And, what they see? Well it can only lead to one logical conclusion.

oh, come when you're called by lesbianrobin/ @lesbianrobin (Post-S7 | 8K | Teen): Chris wants his dad. He wants his bed. But he can't have those yet, and he and Dad never really text because if Dad’s not working they’re usually together or one of them is too busy to text, so texting Dad feels weird, but Buck… He can text Buck.

🔥 Saints into the Sea by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Post-7x05: You Don't Know Me, Coming Out, Jealous Eddie | 8K | Teen): There's an itch between his shoulder blades when Buck talks about Tommy, when Buck asks Eddie if he wants to join the two of them for a drink after work, when Buck smiles at a text message and Eddie knows it's from Tommy. His stomach had been twisted in knots for half of Maddie and Chim's wedding, watching the two of them. There's only one awful, inevitable conclusion: Eddie isn't actually as comfortable with Buck's coming out as he thought he was. Which is, frankly, unacceptable.

If You Want It, You Can Have It by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Post-S7, Halloween, Identity Porn | 9K | Mature): Buck just wants to enjoy a Halloween night out with the 118, drinking and dancing and making fun of Ravi's costume, all the while trying to handle his newfound feelings for Eddie. He thinks he's being smart, trying to get over his best friend, or at the very least, keep his secret under wraps. He ends up doing the exact opposite. It ends up yielding great results.

🔥 We're at an Impasse Here; Maybe We Should Compromise by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Post-S7 | 9K | Teen): "You cannot murder anyone," says Maddie. "Also, if you were going to murder your captain, it would be very stupid to write murder down as your top idea for how to deal with him." "It's on a dry erase board!" Chim protests. So far, all he's written on the board is Ways to Deal with Capt Gerrasshole, and then 1. Murder? below it. "And I put a question mark. So even if I didn't erase it, the jury would never convict. A question mark introduces reasonable doubt."

friends don't mean nothing to me (it's us) by Kwills91/ @kwills91 (Pre-S2, Canon Divergent | 15K | Teen): Buck and Eddie meet before he joins the 118, and it just might be the balm he needs to get over Abby. But when Eddie starts working at the station, Buck doesn't understand why Hen and Chim keep looking at them that way, or why Bobby seems to think they're dating.

🔥 when the longer days of sun appear, they'll be rising like an answered prayer by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Post-S7, Fake Relationship | 18K | Explicit): Eddie is generally worried when Tommy and Buck break up because Tommy's ex moved back to town, and even more worried when that leaves Buck without a date to a wedding. So, of course, Eddie's going to help him out with all of that.

🔥 like a bird stealing bread out from under your nose by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S7, Fix-It | 21K | Mature): If you’d asked Eddie back in May what rock bottom looked like, it was his son leaving him. That felt like it; everything ruined so entirely that there was no way to ruin it further. There’s always more to lose.

🔥 some things fall when they're meant to fall by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (Post S7E5 | 25K | Teen): Eddie’s gaze drop to Buck’s lips—pink, like his birthmark. Eddie wants to taste those lips, and he wants it with a fierceness so sudden it shocks him. “I’m, uh,” Buck stammers. “Last night. When you saw me and Tommy…we—we were on a date.” Everything inside Eddie goes still. If his heart is a kite, then this is the moment it plummets back to earth. or, Buck tells Eddie some news. Eddie has a realization and breaks up with his girlfriend. Not necessarily in that order.

🔥 that magic feeling by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (S7 Fix-It | 42K | Explicit): An alternate ending to season 7, in which Eddie doesn't completely blow his life up, and he and Buck realise they're in love.

🔥 ripples all the way down by iriswests/ @fcntasmas (Getting Together, S4 | 52K | Mature): With some coercion, Buck allows Maddie to set him up on a date. Surprisingly, the date goes well — and it keeps his mind off the unnamable feelings he’s been studiously ignoring for his best friend. Until Christopher’s science report on gentoo penguins — no, seriously — sets off a series of events that has him somehow spending more time at the Diazes’ side, and he feels like he’s going just a little bit insane trying to juggle a burgeoning relationship, his jealousy over Eddie’s own new relationship with Ana, and his inability to move on from the place that’s been his for three years in the Diazes’ lives. Oh, and Eddie keeps looking at him like he has something to say — except he never says it. This is the tumultuous road to finding out what Buck truly wants, paved by pebbles. -- or; christopher partakes in some parent trapping

🔥 stuck now so long, we just got the start wrong by Daffi_990_ao3/ @daffi-990 (Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting | 85K | Not Rated): Probational Firefighters Evan “Buck” Buckley and Eddie Diaz meet on a call which ends with them at odds with each other. As the months roll by, they keep running into each other on the job, much to Eddie’s dismay and Buck’s delight. Can they put aside their first opinions and misunderstandings and allow the seeds of friendship, and possibly something more, to take root?

WIP

🔥 Steal My Sunshine by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Altered Memories | 7/9 | 24K | Mature): Memories hazy and unreliable, Eddie Diaz wakes up every morning in a house at the end of a cul de sac, goes to his office job at a petroleum engineering company, and comes home to his wife and son. But something is missing, and the more Eddie begins to put the pieces together, the stranger the predicament he finds himself in. 

🔥 If You Can Make the Music by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, | 1/5 | 2K | Mature): Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 5 (Seaside): A year after a whirlwind two week love affair with bartender Buck in Galveston, Texas, Eddie Diaz finds himself coincidentally relocating to the area. But when he attempts to reconnect with Buck, he's in for an unfortunate surprise. (Part 3 of Coma-Verse)

The Smutty Ones by Tizniz/ @tizniz (PWP | 55/? | 22K | Explicit): A collection of smutty Buddie drabbles.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 129/? | 405K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 33/? | 21K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

Chapter 33. 19. "If we get caught kissing we're dead but let's risk it." 

🔥 Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Not A Firefighter Eddie, Sugar Baby Buck | 4/22 | 18K | Explicit): When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 13/19 | 67K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

Re-Read

the secrets we keep (the ones that spill out) by sparegarbage/ @babybucks (Getting Together | 4K | General): Or: Buck and Eddie comfort each other with cuddles, hugs, and kisses (platonically—or so they think).

Tear me to pieces and make me feel whole by justhockey (Getting Together | 2K | Not Rated): And that’s when it clicks. In the pasta aisle of the grocery store, at 10am on a Saturday morning. Buck is frowning as he tries to decide what to get - and Eddie is in love with him.

[cowgurrrl]

I Don't Smoke

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader

Author's note: this hatched as an idea for @tightjeansjavi 's june writing challenge but it doesn't end as I thought it would necessarily but I kinda lurv it so (ps thank you @egcdeath for your help 🫶)

Summary: "Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small quiet room." aka Javi makes a reappearance in your life [8.6k (she’s a whopper)]

Warnings: canonical type shit

It's a random Friday in April 1998 when you're walking down the hallway of FBI headquarters and hear a familiar voice call your name. Not just any voice but a voice you came to know as well as you would know your own. A voice you loved. A voice you haven't heard in four years. You freeze in your tracks and take two breaths before you actually turn around to see him.

He smiles big as he approaches you, and you struggle to find the same response. His hair is shorter and styled nicely, and he's wearing a bureaucratic suit, which you know he hates or used to hate. He's broader than you remember and seemingly more confident. You're still tense, but once he's close enough, muscle memory takes over, and you hug him.

His cologne is different. For some reason, that tugs at your heart.

"Hey, honey," he says into your hair, squeezing you a little harder. You hold him for another second before remembering you're at work and let him go. "Wasn't expectin' such a warm welcome."

"Well, that's what happens when you see an old friend for the first time in a long time." You say and Javi smirks, scratching at the stubble on his jaw.

"'Old friend.' Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"It is when I'm at work and have a reputation to uphold."

"Right," he says and puts his hands up in defense. "Didn't mean to insult Ms. FBI."

"What are you doing here? Last I heard, you resigned." You redirect, making him laugh even though you just gave away that you kept up with him even after you broke up.

"Stoddard asked me to teach a few classes to incoming DEA agents. Figured it was a good enough reason to get out of Texas," he says. You step to the side to let somebody go by in the hallway, and that ever-wandering eye falls down your body. "You look great."

"You too," you adjust some files against your chest, suddenly all too aware of how heavy his gaze is, and glance around. "How long are you in town for?"

"A week. We should get drinks or something. Catch up." He says, and you laugh at the absurdity of it all. You're talking like you went to college together, and you're gonna reminisce about the good ole days over a few drinks. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Sure, Javi. When are you free?"

"For you? Any time," he says so easily your heart squeezes. "But, I'm around tonight. I can meet you at the bar across from the Hill after work?"

"That works for me."

"Alright, then. I'll see you tonight." He smiles and looks you over again before swaggering down the hallway and into one of the classrooms like he used to walk to your desk or into your apartment. Nostalgia and something bigger bubbles in your throat, and you swallow it down.

You've often wondered about what it'd be like if you ever saw Javi again.

You never expected it would sting as much as it does.

You force yourself down the hallway into your office and let out a big sigh as you bury your head in your hands. Your engagement is cold against your skin.

You should be planning a wedding. You should be debating which version of white the napkins should be— eggshell or cream— or fighting with vendors on the phone. You should be doing a lot of things in the two months leading up to your wedding. Getting drinks with your ex is not one of them.

You worked at the United States Embassy in Bogotá during the hunt for Pablo Escobar in the early nineties. You were a fresh graduate from the DEA academy and got shipped off the day after you passed all your exams. They needed bodies in chairs and on the ground doing work to end the drug war, and you just happened to have a pulse and the qualification. Javier Peña happened to have those same things. Now, he's known as one of the men who took down the most dangerous crime syndicates in Latin America, but, at the time, he was just Javi.

He was a little older, a little more experienced, and, by all accounts, a little bit of a slut. He had a wandering eye and a bad habit of sleeping with newly minted Embassy employees who didn't know better. You were warned about Javi and his brown eyes and swagger, but you couldn't avoid him. He was your coworker, for Christ's sake. So all you could do was remind yourself you were there for a job and try to ignore him when possible. What they don't tell you about being thousands of miles away from home and dealing with nightmare-inducing horrors every single day is that you start looking for comfort wherever you can find it.

You made bad decisions like smoking cigarette after cigarette, sneaking just a little bit of whiskey in your coffee, or letting Javi bend you over his desk and leave bruises on your skin as he buried himself inside you. One time, you told yourself. You'll do this one time to get it out of your system, and then you'll both move on. As long as it didn't interfere with work, you thought it was okay to fuck him once, but either convenience or care kept you reaching for each other for the rest of your time in Colombia.

You spent most nights at his apartment because it was a little nicer and it felt like it would be too real if he entered your space. For all his sarcasm and hard edges, he was sweet with you. He'd make you breakfast and drive you to work under the guise of carpooling. Over time, you started to learn all his little quirks and tells, and you looked for him first when the smoke cleared and the gunfire ceased. He started stealing files off your pile of paperwork so you'd have less work to do, cook your favorite meals, and was ready with open arms when things got to be too much.

The love was like everything else that happened between you: quiet yet all-consuming.

As the months stretched on and you only grew to love him more and more, you started to imagine a life with him. You were naive and had too much faith in the world, but you couldn't stop yourself. The daydreams of a house with a big backyard, a dog, and maybe a few kids to fill it kept you alive when it felt like not even the weapon attached to your hip could. You wanted it so bad. You told him how much you wanted it, and he agreed despite how fucking crazy it sounded out loud. Love allows you to be delusional to avoid the possibility of rejection.

And you loved him so much that you let yourself believe once Escobar was dead or in prison that, you could go home together and live a somewhat normal life. That he could give it all up. That you could make it work.

So you threw yourself into the hunt. You didn't sleep. You barely ate. You went from smoking a few cigarettes a day to a pack as you got closer and closer. Javi wasn't much better off, and you definitely enabled each other's behavior, but you believed so hard in this future that you thought it would be worth it in the end.

He got snappy, and you argued a lot. You both shut down so much that it's a miracle you could find your way back to normalcy. He didn't even tell you when he got sent to D.C. for questioning. He just disappeared. When you and Steve stood over Escobar's body on a rooftop in Medellín, you couldn't focus on anything but the blood splatter on the shoes Javi got you as an early Christmas gift. At the end of the day, your only thought was, "It's over. We can go home. We can start over. We can make something of this."

Escobar wasn't even cold when Javi accepted a new position in Cali.

Everything he'd seen and done, the things you counseled each other through, the faces that kept him up at night didn't matter as much as that job. He broke the news to you as you were packing up your apartment. "There's an opportunity out there for you, too," he said, looking at you with those big eyes. You almost folded, drowning in affection for him, until you remembered how many times he'd almost died or disappeared without a word or struggled so much he buried his memories between your legs or at the bottom of a bottle.

How could he want to return to that? How could he want you to return to that?

That's when you broke.

You don't remember exactly what was said during the argument, but you know it was bad. There was a lot of yelling and tears. You said things you didn't mean, and he returned the favor. It went on for what seemed like hours, back and forth back and forth, until you were exhausted and done negotiating. You gave him an ultimatum: come to D.C. with you and start your lives, or go to Cali. He chose Cali. You chose D.C., and that was it.

That had to be it.

You didn't talk much in those final days, but you did a lot of crying. The horrors he helped keep at bay threatened to suffocate you. You were a shell of a person, but you couldn't reach for him again, knowing he didn't love you enough to stay with you. You had the tiniest shred of self-respect.

So, the day you left, you gave his stuff back, and he drove you to the airport in complete silence, even walking you all the way to the terminal without saying a word. His final act of care even when you'd told him you hated him forty-eight hours earlier. You waited until the very last second to get on the plane, hoping he'd change his mind or you'd change yours. You were both too stubborn and too broken, so you wished him luck and left. You didn't even hug him because you were so scared you'd never leave his arms if you did.

Things happened fast once you were stateside again. Within a week, you found a nice apartment in D.C., transferred to the FBI, adopted a cat named Astro, and swore off dating. With all your experience in Colombia, you got your pick of jobs and workload. You avoided field work for a while and got stuck pushing papers around at your desk, but you got bored three months in and asked to go back out. Your first case back in the field had you dealing with a serial arsonist who may or may not have had ties to a terrorist group. You were examining the rubble of yet another building when one of the firefighters called your name.

Harry was tall and charming and trying to explain something about accelerants, but all you could do was watch his scarred hands as they pointed. You remember thinking he was going to be a problem. It took three more fires for you to catch your guy, and Harry would later say it took those fires to build up the courage to ask you out. "You were much scarier than any fire," he told you. He had soot on his cheeks, and the flashing lights made his eyes sparkle. There was something about that stupid New York accent that just made you melt.

You thought one date couldn't hurt. You thought it would help you adjust to your new life. When he showed up in a nice shirt with a bouquet of flowers to pick you up for your first date, you knew you were fucked.

You went on a second date. And a third. And a fourth. He was patient with you as you struggled to open up to him about your time in the DEA and never pressured you to tell him anything you weren't ready to. That Christmas, you went home to New York with him and met his parents and all three of his sisters. By the next spring, you, Harry, and Astro moved into an apartment halfway between each of your jobs.

You got into the habit of bringing him cookies when he worked overnights at the station and smelling his shirt when he got home because, more often than not, it'd still smell like smoke. He'd surprise you with coffee or flowers at work "just because" and drag you away from your desk when you've been staring at the same words for however long. When a bullet grazed you in the middle of a chase, he made one of his EMT friends drive him to the hospital you were at in the ambulance with the lights on so he could get there as fast as possible. He made it in seven minutes and started crying the moment he saw you lying in the hospital bed, even though you were completely fine.

For something as unexpected as this relationship, you guys work really well. He cooks dinner, and you wash the dishes at the end of the night. He looks at big houses in nice neighborhoods and humors you even though there's no way you can afford it with two civil servant paychecks. But, when you see him playing with your nieces and nephews, something so deep inside you aches that you think the life-long debt would be worth it if it meant he got to be a dad. You take time off to visit his family, and even though he thinks it's the most badass thing about you, he doesn't say anything about your involvement with Escobar until you accidentally let something slip during a barbecue. When work gets too much, you hold each other, cry, and make promises to stay alive.

He proposes to you on the fourth anniversary of your first date. You knew he would because you'd looked at rings together, but you blub like a baby anyway and almost tackle him to the ground in Rock Creek Park. You're deliriously happy as you celebrate your engagement and even as you start to plan the wedding. It's like you blinked, and suddenly, it'd been four years since you left Colombia, and you're living the life you dreamt about, just with a new person. A person you love so fucking much, you still get butterflies when he walks in the room. The ring on your finger and the way he casually drops "my wife" into conversation when he means "fiancée" only adds to the giddiness.

You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with him. So, why the fuck did you agree to get drinks with Javi?

You pick your head up and dial the firehouse number before your brain can fully devolve into panic mode. They might be out dealing with a fire, but you figure it's worth a shot. On the second ring, Jack answers with his gruff "D.C. Fire Station 19."

"Hey, Jack."

"Oh, hey, darlin'! How're you doin'?" He asks, and you swear you can hear him smiling. Jack is one of Harry's best friends and groomsmen, and he absolutely adores you.

"I'm good. How're you?" You ask, already feeling the weight come off your shoulders just from talking to someone.

"You know, I can't complain. I mean, I could, but I won't," he says, and you laugh. "You callin' for your lover boy?"

"If he's not busy, yes."

"Nah, you're all good. Well, listen, it was nice talkin' to you, sweetheart. I'll get him now." He says before yelling Harry's name through the station so loud you wonder if the neighbors could hear him. There's some shuffling and a quick "'S your wife" as the phone changes hands. The identifier makes you laugh and it's the first thing Harry hears when he presses the phone to his ear.

"Oh, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that." He swoons, and you make a sympathetic noise.

"Rough day?"

"No, I just miss you."

"You're so cheesy," you say. "I miss you too. A lot."

"You okay? You sound off." He asks, and you chuckle. Of course, he caught the tiniest change in your voice.

"I'm okay. I bumped into somebody I worked with in Colombia today, so I just… feel weird," you say, rubbing your forehead. You hear him shuffle like he's trying to move to a more private place, but the cord on the phone isn't letting him get very far.

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"I don't know. Just weird. We're gonna get some drinks tonight and catch up."

"Maybe that'll help," he chirps. "I mean, as much as I like listening to your stories, it might make you feel better to talk to someone who was there. Maybe get some closure."

"Maybe." You say. It goes quiet on the line, but you know he's there because you can hear him breathing and hear the distant sounds of the firehouse. You don't feel pressured to say anything; just knowing he's there breaks up the tension in your chest. "Chief is gonna have your ass if he finds out you're running up the phone bill." You tease, and he laughs.

"I'll just tell him I'm talking to my wife, and if he doesn't want me on the phone, then he should stop making me work overnights."

"Which I'm sure he'll take well."

"You're his favorite. I'm almost positive he'd install a whole phone just for you," he says. It's true, but hearing it still makes you smile. It goes quiet again.

You watch people mill around the bullpen from your office window and chew the inside of your cheek. You should tell him it's Javi. He wouldn't discourage you from getting drinks with him, but he knows your history with him. He should be in the loop. He's going to be your husband, for God's sake. But you also don't need him worrying about this while in a burning building or doing CPR.

"You know I'm not technically your wife for another two months, right?" You change the subject, and he hums.

"Yeah, but it has a nice ring to it. My wife." Even the way he says it over the phone makes you giddy.

"I can't argue with that." You say. He takes a deep breath, and you copy him.

"You're gonna be okay. Go get drinks with your friend and try to have some fun. Maybe invite them to the wedding if you get drunk enough and decide it's a good idea," he suggests, and you laugh at the idea of Javi at your wedding. "I'll be home tomorrow afternoon, and we can talk about it or not talk about it if that's what you want, okay?"

"Okay." You resolve and twirl the phone cord in your fingers.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Have a good day. Don't be a hero."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He says. You wait another second to have him nearby before hanging up and looking out over the bullpen again.

You could not show up. You could go home, cuddle with Astro, and put on Sex and the City or something else to take your mind off the day. You could go to bed early and take Harry breakfast in the morning. You know his hair will be messy and a little darker than normal, but he'll still smile and pull you into his lap even though the guys tease him all the time about your PDA.

But you're also too interested in what Javi could have to say to do that. You owe it to yourself to get closure or answers or whatever the fuck he has left to offer you.

And then you'll never think about him again.

Easy.

It's a slow day filled with paperwork and pencil-pushing at the FBI. No bombs or killers or threats. Just meetings and emails and the dread about meeting with Javi all day. You linger around the office a little longer than you need to until you're almost late, and only then do you start walking to the Hill.

It's bustling with tourists dying for a peek at the cherry blossoms scattered around D.C. and the Suits you usually see trying to get home. The April sun feels good on your skin, especially after being inside all day, and you take a moment to watch the sun dip lower and lower in the sky.

All things considered, if Javi was going to visit D.C., this would be the time to do it. Spring is in full bloom, and the last dredges of winter only show up at night or early in the morning when it's still cold. People are constantly out walking their dogs or taking their kids to the playgrounds. It feels like the city has come alive again after such a long winter. You come up with a list of recommendations of things for Javi to do while he's here, even though he probably won't do any of them. The least you could do is give him something to distract himself from work.

By the time you get to the bar, the sun has nearly set, and traffic is a waking nightmare. You push your anxiety away and duck into the bar, searching for Javi's familiar eyes amongst the exhausted interns and law students. He's in the corner, scanning the space just like you thought he would, and there's a glass waiting for you at the table. His eyes light up when he sees you, and your chest aches.

He gets up to greet you with a hug and pulls your chair out for you like a gentleman. "Don't know if your order's changed, but I figured I'd make a guess." He says, gesturing to your drink as you settle across from each other. You smile and hang your jacket on the back of your chair.

"Thank you. Next round is on me," you say as you raise your glass to his and take a sip. "How was teaching?"

"It was fine. Although I wish they'd actually listen instead of just staring at me like I have a second head." He says, and you laugh.

"You're a living legend to them. Escobar and the Godfathers of Cali? You might be the most experienced person they've come across."

"I think I'm the person professors warn students not to be in the field."

"There are much worse things to be than a Javier Peña or a Steve Murphy," you say. "Besides, I think the DEA has bigger problems than a few rogue agents."

He shrugs and glances up when the bell above the door chimes, checking out whoever just walked in. He did the same thing when you sat in bars in Colombia like he was always waiting for a fight. You used to tease him about it, but the fact that he still does it makes you smile.

"Steve sends his love, by the way." He says.

"How is he? How old is Olivia now?"

"She's gonna be five soon, and they're about to have another baby. A boy," he beams. "They're all doing good. Steve runs training courses for FBI agents now and sometimes goes back to Colombia to liaise with their government. Connie works at a hospital, and Olivia's in Pre-K."

"Sounds like you guys talk a lot." You're pleasantly surprised. They were good partners, but they could barely stand to look at each other when things got tense. Not to mention Steve leaving the DEA at the same time you did.

"Well, when Olivia started calling me Uncle Javi, it was pretty hard to ignore him," he says, and you 'aw' at the idea of her little hands reaching for him. Uncle Javi suits him. "She's a good kid."

He fills you in on his work in Texas and asks about your transfer. You tell him what you can about your job and the annoying bureaucrats you hate working with. He seems lighter than you've seen before, not just because of the drink in his hand. His shoulders are relaxed, and even though he still has the instincts of someone working in the field, he doesn't get trapped in them like he used to. It's a nice change.

You're almost done with your first drink when he digs a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and offers you one. God, when was the last time you even bought a pack of cigarettes? It had to have been right after Harry came home from a particularly bad fire resulting from a stray cigarette. Three people died. After that, you couldn't pick up a cigarette without thinking about the seventeen-year-old who got stuck in the apartment. That must've been three years ago now.

"I quit," you say, and he raises his eyebrows at you.

"That's new." He says like your hair turned blue before his eyes, but pops one into his mouth anyway. You shrug.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"No, no, 'm not disappointed. Just surprised."

"Yeah, well," you sigh. "American cigarettes aren't as good as the Colombian ones."

"I guess that's true," he says as he flicks his lighter open and inhales until the end glows. Just as always, he politely blows smoke away from your face. "Alright, so you got a new job, a new apartment, a cat, and you quit smoking. What else has changed since I saw you last?" He asks, and your thumb immediately presses into the band of your engagement ring.

Well, it's now or never.

"I, uh... I'm getting married," you say, and his eyes fall to your ring. "In two months." He takes a big sip.

"Congratulations," he says. It might be the most unenthusiastic thing you've ever heard somebody say. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"His name is Harry. We've been together for a few years now."

"What's he do?" He asks in his interrogator's voice, and you give him a look.

"We don't have to do this." You say. Javi takes another drag of his cigarette and grinds his teeth.

"Do what?" He asks. "It shouldn't be hard to talk about if you love him."

"I do."

"Then, why don't you want to tell me about him?"

"Is that a serious question?" You scoff, and he shrugs. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"I already asked you," he says. "What does he do for work?"

"He's a firefighter." You know it's a cliche: a cop and a firefighter, but you don't really care.

"How'd you meet?"

"First field case I had was an arsonist. He was one of the guys on site when I got there."

"Romantic," Javi muses, and you hum. You wait for him to continue bombarding you with questions, but the air gets thick, and suddenly, all you can do is take big gulps of your drink. You signal to the bartender for another, and Javi finishes his cigarette in silence. "Well, I'm happy for you," he says softly. He doesn't seem like he is, but you know better than to press him, so you just nod.

"Thank you," you say. The bartender drops two more drinks off at your table, and Javi raises his glass to you.

"Here's to you and Terry-"

"Harry," you correct, and he laughs, breaking up the tension that's settled. He took the news much better than you expected, but you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop. There always seems to be one waiting when Javi's around.

"To you and Harry and a lifetime of happiness." He says, tapping his glass against yours and taking a drink. "Now, tell me what you've been doing with the fuckin' FBI."

"Oh, you're gonna need to buy me a few more drinks before I start spilling government secrets, Peña." The name rolls off your tongue before you can stop it, and it brings you back to hot Colombian days and red yarn on a corkboard and his apartment. He raises his eyebrows like it's a challenge and smirks.

"Don't tempt me with a good time."

It's late and you're drunk. Drunker than you've been in a while. You didn't mean to. You just kept talking and drinking, and it felt so good talking to him after so long. Once you got through with the elephant in the room, it was so easy to fall back into the groove with him. You talked about Colombia and your lives outside of work. You even tell him the story of accidentally letting it slip that you used to work for the DEA after smoking a little bit of weed with Harry's sister, Caitlin.

You laughed together until last call and then argued over who would pay the tab. "Consider it my weddin' gift," he half-slurred, and you rolled your eyes and let him pay.

Now, you're strolling the empty National Mall, working off your buzz and elongating the time you have with him. You didn't realize how much you missed him until tonight. Despite everything that happened, you did have good days with him. Days filled with music and chain smoking and laughter. You'd like to get those back. You'd like that version of him back.

As you walk, you point out monuments to him and messily retell the stories the tour guide told you when Harry thought a walking tour of D.C. was a good second-date idea. You switch presidents and periods too much to make sense, but Javi listens anyway. Every so often, his warm hand will brush against yours, barely touching your skin but enough for you to notice when he does it. Neither of you say anything about it or break the flow of your conversation. Maybe it's for old-time's sake. Maybe it's because you don't know what there is to say. The night is clear and eerily quiet. The only sound besides your laughter and drunken stories is the chilly wind blowing through the trees and the clacking of heels from an exhausted-looking White House intern as she walks by.

Or, at least, it was until you stumbled across a busker by the Lincoln Memorial. The empty space echoes with the sound of his saxophone, and you smile as you get closer. There are a few other people milling around, and a few take turns throwing coins in his case. You've seen him playing here before, but you've never had the time to actually stop and listen. He's good. You wish you'd stopped sooner.

"You wanna dance?" Javi whispers in your ear, his breath fanning across your neck, and you furrow your eyebrows.

"Here?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"Why not?"

"Because nobody else is."

"C'mon," he tuts. "Live a little." He doesn't wait for you to say anything else. He just grabs your hand and pulls you a little closer to the musician. You sigh but let Javi hold one of your hands and rest the other on his shoulder. He smirks and you roll your eyes to hide the fact that you're shocked he wants to dance. With you. In public.

Sure, you had little moments where you danced in the kitchen, but never in public. Even then, it wouldn't have ever been his idea to dance. He's like a whole new person. You don't know how to feel about it.

What the fuck happened to him in Cali?

He spins you under his arm, and you do your best to follow his lead. You have two left feet as it is, something Harry has helped get out of your system, but the alcohol makes it even worse. You almost trip yourself but land against Javi's chest before you can hit the ground. He makes an oomph sound but doesn't do anything to push you away. You don't do anything to pull away.

The saxophonist continues playing, and the cicadas chirp nearby. If you listen hard enough, you can hear Javi's heartbeat. You think you'd know the sound anywhere. You memorized the rise and fall of his chest when you woke up from nightmares, and he was the one to calm you down. You used to count the contractions of the muscles in his heart until you fell back to sleep. It was often the first thing you heard when you woke up if bombs weren't going off somewhere in the city or your phone wasn't blaring with an emergency message from the Embassy.

And now, here it is again, unexpectedly thumping against you after four years, following the rhythm of the music surrounding you. Javi's warm as he tentatively rests his head against yours, and you feel his fingers flex around your hip. A mixture of his cologne and cigarettes invades your senses, and you can do nothing but ride the nostalgia wave until the song ends.

You pry yourself from Javi to turn and applaud the saxophonist, and he gives a gracious bow. Javi looks a little disappointed that the song is over but drops a ten-dollar bill in the saxophone case anyway.

"Didn't take you for a dancer." You say as you walk away from the Lincoln Memorial, and he shrugs.

"'M full of secrets now."

"I guess so," you say. You start walking toward your apartment, suddenly too cold and tired now that you're a little more sober. Javi follows, putting himself between you and the street and grazing your lower back whenever you cross the road. He's always been protective of you, even before you started dating. It makes sense he would still be, right? You're trying to make sense of the muddled mess in your head when Javi pulls his cigarettes out of his jacket, and you eye them. You must not be as discrete as you thought you were because he laughs at you.

"For someone who quit smoking, you look like you want a cigarette." He says, offering the pack to you, and you sigh. You take one from the middle and put it between your lips. Javi is quick with his lighter, and you lean into him just a little as you inhale. He watches your every movement like he's watching a miracle unfold before him.

You hate to admit how good the smoke feels in your lungs. After three years of not even looking at a cigarette, all it took was an offer and a quick puff, and you're back to the beginning. You'll start again tomorrow.

"Don't tell Harry." You say as you blow smoke away from him, and Javi laughs.

"What? He doesn't like you smoking?" He asks, looking for a reason not to like Harry, and you chuckle.

"It's not that. I've just heard one too many horror stories about a stray cigarette starting a fire." You say, and he hums.

"Is that why you quit?"

"Kinda. I also…" you start but then shake your head. "Never mind."

"What? Now you have to say it."

"You're not gonna like it."

"Try me." He says, and you inhale deeply, blowing smoke out of your nose. You think about telling him to leave it alone, but the alcohol and the pain in your chest tells you to say fuck it.

"I quit because it reminded me of you." You admit. He gets quiet. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and looks up at the stars as you silently spiral. You feel like you need two more cigarettes and a shot of tequila.

Javi has always had a special talent for making all your worst habits bubble to the surface.

"You're right, I don't like that." He says softly, and you nod. You walk a few blocks in silence. The only sounds are your shoes clicking against the pavement and the tiny crackling of your cigarette as you smoke. A siren blares somewhere in the city, and your stomach drops. It always does, but especially now.

Your fiancé is out there, putting his life on the line to save others because that's how good of a man he is, and you're getting drunk and slow-dancing with the man who broke your heart? You didn't even tell him it was Javi. What if something happens to him tonight, and you're out? What if you miss the phone call? Guilt gnaws at your throat like an angry dog, and you feel like throwing up. You swallow hard and stomp out your cigarette before it can get to the filter.

"I'm glad we did this," you say, trying to get things back on track. Javi gives you a weak smile. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"You know, Harry said there's a place for you at the wedding if you want it. I know you'll be back in Texas, but it could be fun. We'd love to have you," you say, and he shakes his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He says. You knew he'd say no, but it still stings.

"Just thought I'd ask." You say, and he nods. You're about two blocks away from your apartment, and you start fishing for your keys out of your purse when Javi stops. You keep walking, thinking he's going to finish his cigarette and pull out another one.

"Don't marry him." He says, just loud enough for you to hear, and ice floods your veins. Whatever alcohol left in your system seems to vanish, and you freeze.

"What?" You ask as you slowly turn around. Javi chews on his bottom lip and stares at you.

"Don't marry him," he says again. Something behind his eyes is familiar, and suddenly, you're the girl he couldn't leave Colombia for again. Tears prick in your eyes, and you shake your head. "You'll get bored in a few years, and you'll be stuck if you marry him."

"I love him."

"I love you."

"Stop," you mumble. He takes a step forward and cradles your face in his hands, tilting you up to look at him, and your jaw tightens. You wonder if he can feel it. "You don't love me."

"I do. I always have. I fucked up, and I'm so sorry for hurting you, but I'm here now. We can start over. I'll move to D.C.. I'll do whatever." He says in one breath like he's afraid he'll lose the courage to say the words out loud.

"It's too late." You say, and he shakes his head.

"No, it's not. We can go tonight. Anywhere you want. I-"

"You let me leave," you cut him off, years of frustration and heartbreak coming back up to the surface as you take his hands off your face. "I was drowning and you let me get on the fucking plane."

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"I wanted you to reject the position in Cali and come with me because I really thought you could at least try to love me more than your job."

"I couldn't just give the Cali position up." He says and you scoff and take a few steps away from him.

"But you could give me up," you say, throwing your arms up in defeat. "That's not love, Javi. That's having someone around to play with and throwing them out when you get bored."

"It wasn't like that."

"Enlighten me, then."

"Do you remember when Carillo died?" He asks and you take a deep breath before nodding.

Most of your memories of Colombia are muddled, but not that day. You were pissed Messina wouldn't let you go, but you were fine to let the Colombian police make the raid. Javi and Steve were anxious. You remember watching them stand next to the radio like guards and trying to guess what was going on in their heads. Javi's gaze lingered on you a few too many times to be an accident, and he smiled fondly at you. You joked about them paying for the drinks you'd have later to celebrate. Things felt stable enough for you to sit down next to Messina. You were halfway through a cigarette when the gunfire chattered over the radios.

It wasn't an ambush.

It was a fucking massacre.

They never stood a chance. The scene was horrendous. Hearing Messina call Mrs. Carillo to tell her what happened was worse. Steve, somehow, was able to go with Carillo, so he wasn't alone in transport back to Bogotá. You and Javi were the cowards who went back and drank until you stopped seeing the pile of bodies you felt responsible for.

Javi put his fist through the wall of his apartment when he got home that night. You wanted to cry but knew that if you started, you'd never stop and who were you to be crying? People had just lost their sons, husbands, brothers, and fathers on your orders. You didn't deserve to cry. It was the beginning of the end for you and Javi, but you clung to your idea of the future so hard, it had claw marks on it when you finally let it go and got on the plane.

So, yeah, you remember. You remember it all.

"I couldn't let that happen to you or anyone else ever again. It would kill me," he says. You're about to tell him it's not his fault, and it never was. It was shitty intel. It was a trap. It was a lot of things, but it wasn't his fault. That might be the only thing you can say for sure about that tragedy. "So, I put everything that wasn't work out of my mind and made bad decisions, and that's on me, but I never stopped loving you or believing in our future."

"Then, why didn't you fight for us?"

"I didn't know how. You were so…" He searches for the right word. "Sure. You knew you didn't want to go to Cali, and I couldn't make you stay."

"I would've if you said the word," you say. "Even though I was miserable in Colombia, I would've come back if you asked me to because that's how much I loved you. Even if you'd just called me after I got here, we probably could've worked something out, but I'm marrying the love of my life in less than sixty days. And I've never had to beg him to stay with me or give him an ultimatum and question if he loves me because he wakes up every day and shows me how much he wants to be with me. I can't walk away from that."

"Does he know what you did down there?"

"Of course, he does." You say, annoyance buzzing in your molars, and you cross your arms over your chest.

"Does he know everything?"

"You mean, does he know I've killed people?" You ask. "Yeah, it was super fun trying to explain that to him. You want to hear about how I hyperventilated through the whole thing, or do you want to ask me another question to try to undermine my relationship?" He purses his lips and shakes his head.

"No," he says. "I just don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Fuck you, Javier." You spit. You don't know the last time you used his full name like that. Something about it feels wrong and makes your skin crawl. "You left one girl at the altar over a decade ago, and you think you know about marriage?"

"That's not fair."

"No, what's not fair is you coming here and making me feel like the bad guy for moving on. I deserve to be happy. I've worked, and I've cried, and I've fucking killed for it, and the second I feel like things are going my way, you do this!" You yell.

"I love you." He says again, like it'll change anything. The pressure behind your eyes returns, and you turn away from him, but he catches your wrist before you can. "Listen to me. I love you. I love you. I love you." He repeats over and over again, but all you hear is, "I love you, but I can't come with you." "I love you, but I need this." "I love you. Isn't that enough?"

You rip out of his grasp and punch at his chest with tears slipping down your face. He takes it, still saying that he loves you, and for some reason that hurts more. You push him hard and watch him stumble back, his brown eyes tracking the tears down your face.

"If you really love me-"

"I do." He cuts you off and you take a stuttering breath.

"Then, let me be happy," you beg. "Let me go. Please. If you love me, you'll do that for me."

You feel pathetic, standing there crying like he shattered your heart all over again as he just stares at you and thinks. You want to go home. You want this to end. You want to never see him again.

Maybe in twenty years, you could stand to face him again. You'll be happily married, and you hope he'll be, too. You'll have a few kids, and you'll tell stories about them and Harry will pull pictures of them out of his wallet. You won't hurt anymore. Maybe when your daughter goes through her first heartbreak, you'll find the courage to tell her about Javi. Maybe all this grief will be worth something someday. You want it to.

But right now, you're just the girl he didn't love enough to leave Colombia for, and he's not the man you love enough to marry.

He clears his throat, his own tears glistening in his waterline, and nods.

"Okay," he mumbles. "I'll tell Stoddard I had a family emergency or something back home. Get the first flight back." Your eyes flutter shut at his words, and you try to keep yourself from crying more.

"Thank you." You say.

"I love you." He says again, and you open your eyes. He's grinding his teeth again, and his hands are in his pockets as if he's forcing himself not to reach for you. You give him a small smile and nod.

"I know," you say. "I'm sorry."

Just as you did at the airport all those years ago, you stand awkwardly far apart, unsure of what to do now. He waits for you to change your mind. You won't. He'll get on the plane, and that'll be it.

He nods to himself one more time before turning to walk away.

"You do deserve to be happy. I've never doubted that. I wish I could've given that to you." He says like he's trying to convince you he's a good person. You sniffle and spin your ring around your finger.

"You did for a while. It's just Harry's turn to do that now," you say. "Goodbye, Javi." He opens his mouth like he's going to say goodbye or something else, but you turn your back to him and start walking toward your apartment before he can.

You figure, after everything, it's only fair that you get the last word.

You didn't sleep. You knew you wouldn't. Astro seems to sense your anxiety and cuddles into your chest, purring loudly to try and drown out your thoughts. You reassure her you're okay and kiss her head as the inky blue sky is replaced by a stunning pink and purple morning.

A good omen, you hope.

You force yourself to get up and get ready for the day. It's Saturday and a fire station breakfast day. It's never anything fancy: donuts picked up from a nearby cafe, greasy fast food breakfast, sometimes cold pizza. Today, you walk to a nearby bodega and pick up his favorite breakfast sandwich with two steaming cups of coffee before walking to the fire station.

It's cold, and D.C. hasn't quite woken up yet. It'll be a few hours before life returns as people sleep off hangovers or long weeks. That's okay. This morning is just for you.

The garage door is wide open when you get to the station, and Harry is perched on the back bumper with the firehouse dog, Maisie, whispering things to her. He looks tired. You don't think you look any better, but he still lights up when he sees you, and Maisie even starts wagging her tail.

"Hey there, stranger," you greet him as he pulls you closer and smirks up at you. "You have a good night?"

"No, but it doesn't matter now that you're here." He says. You would normally roll your eyes at his cheesiness but your chest fills with warmth instead. You lean down and kiss him. He smells like smoke but tastes like the chapstick you make him wear because of the heat. Maisie sniffs at the bag in your hand, and you laugh against his lips when she licks your arm.

"I think she's jealous." You say, and he sucks his teeth as he looks at Maisie.

"You have breakfast, you little terrorist." He reminds her but he immediately folds when she gives him that innocent look. "She can have one piece of bacon, but that's it. We need you trim to get up in the trucks, right?"

You pull a piece of bacon off one of the breakfast sandwiches and make her sit and shake before you give it to her. She crunches on it happily, knowing she's absolutely spoiled rotten. She makes space for you to sit next to Harry on the truck and you rest your head on his shoulder. "You okay?" He asks as he kisses your hairline, and you nod.

"Just missed you," you say. "I couldn't sleep last night." He makes a sympathetic noise and wraps an arm around your shoulder to tuck you further into his side.

"Were you thinking about Colombia?" He asks and you hum. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now."

"Okay. You wanna hear about why our kids will never be allowed to buy candles ever? No matter how old they get or how much smarter they think they are than us?" He changes the subject easily, and you laugh despite the pain still radiating in your body. You know he'll be there when you're ready to tell him about last night, no matter how long it takes you, and you will tell him. Eventually.  

"Hit me with it." You say as you unpack your breakfast sandwiches and pass him his coffee. Maisie wags her tail as you alternate between sneaking her treats and listening to Harry's story. He knows you're giving her extra snacks but won't ever stop you.

You sit there on the back of that dirty firetruck, talking and watching the sunrise together and debating on which version of white the napkins at your wedding should be— eggshell or cream— and know you'd do everything all over again if it meant this was the outcome. You love him with everything that you are and ever could be.

And as you eat your breakfast and soak up each other's presence, you find yourself hoping Javi could love someone like this someday. You believe he has it in him. You've seen it. Whoever ends up being the one to tie Javier Peña down will be lucky and loved.

It just wasn't meant to be you.

[guiltyasdave]

still bejeweled

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

word count: ~4.4k

summary: after breaking up with your boyfriend, your self-esteem is crushed. your best friend takes you to your favorite bar to take your mind off of things. there's a band is playing there tonight and the singer immediately catches your eye. inspired by taylor swift's bejeweled – and when i meet the band, they ask, 'do you have a man?', i could still say, 'i don't remember'

tags/warnings: explicit smut, only 18+, no/pre-outbreak au, no sarah, musician!joel, small age gap (reader is in her late 20s, joel's in his mid 30s), alcohol consumption, joel pulls her hair, able-bodied reader, a bit of angst, fluff, making out, fingering, dirty talk (joel talks you through it, i just know it), praise kink, unprotected p in v (i just didn't feel like mentioning it, this is my fantasy world where pregnancies & sti's don't exist, but they very much exist in the real world, don't do this), joel has a big dick (it's canon), consent king joel, rough sex, ass-slapping, hair-pulling, please let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: this came to me while making breakfast and listening to taylor, and didn't want to leave my head again. pretty self indulgent, i'm fairly certain that a musician!joel in my life would fix me. also, to boyfriends everywhere: fuck you <3

• dividers by the lovely @saradika!

• find my full masterlist here!

You storm out of the apartment, fighting back the tears that are threatening to spill over. This is it for good, you tell yourself. It's not the first fight of the sort that you and your boyfriend Max – now ex-boyfriend, you guess – have gotten into, with you usually backing down eventually, to keep the peace between the two of you. You've been together for more than three years, and you had hoped that this might be the one – the guy that you can settle down with, the one that you've been waiting for.

But over the past few months, Max has gotten more distant, less involved in the relationship, less interested in you, making you feel like you're burdening him, like you're always asking for too much. Like you are too much. You had asked several times if something was bothering him, something that you could work through together. Everything's fine babe, I don't know why you're even asking. Stop getting on my nerves with this.

You scoff to yourself. Usually, this was the point where you would step back from the argument, not willing to invest energy in a fight that wouldn't lead to anything anyway. Maybe things weren't perfect with Max, but they were what you knew. Familiar, comfortable. Better than being alone. Maybe not the big love that books and movies told you about, but who knows if that sort of thing even exists.

But today, when he just wouldn't give a shit about anything you said, something inside of you had snapped. “I feel like you don't even love me anymore. Do you?!” you had demanded, and the look on his face had told you everything that you needed to know.

That's how you find yourself on the street in front of your best friend's place, the short walk having somewhat cleared your head. Who does Max even think he is? It's not too much to ask to care about your partner, to show interest in them, to support them, is it? And he hasn't done any of that in quite some time.

All things considered, he just wasn't that great of a boyfriend. Still, you can't help feeling sad about it. Another relationship failed, another guy that just didn't deem you as good enough to pay attention to you. Maybe you're just not that interesting, a voice in your head whispers. You sniffle and shake your head, willing the thought out of your mind.

Your best friend Amanda greets you at her door, immediately clocking your slumped shoulders and reddened eyes, and hugs you tightly while leading you into her living room. Her concern for you elicits another wave of tears and you shakily recap today's events to her. She listens patiently, thankfully not telling you that you're better off without him or something like that, because even though you know that yourself, you don't think you could bear someone else saying it.

“I just can't believe that I'm single again and need to start over once more and I just-,” you bite your lip, willing away the tears that are pooling in your eyes, “I just feel like I'm not enough, like I can't keep a guy or I'm too picky, I don't know. It's just so frustrating, I don't wanna end up alone.”

Amanda's expression softens and she pulls you into her arms again. “You're not gonna end up alone, I promise you. You're funny and smart and,” she looks you up and down, “fucking hot. But you can't settle for less just because you're scared of ending up alone, okay? You're gonna find the guy that's right for you and then it will all make sense. Promise.”

You sigh, not sure if you believe her but also not in the mood to argue. After more talking, during which she eventually slips a glass of wine into your hand, Amanda decides that the two of you should go out tonight. Blow off some steam, show the world and yourself that you've still got it, as she puts it. You're honestly not sure if you've ever had it to begin with, but you let her enthusiasm wash over you, playing along as she insists that you wear one of her skimpiest dresses and starts doing your make up. You feel a little self-conscious with the tiny black dress that she has put you in and the dramatic red lipstick that she's currently applying to your lips.

“Don't look at me like that. You look so good and you'd know that if that fucker hadn't made you feel like you didn't for the past few months. But you've been too good of a girl for far too long now, and we're gonna change that tonight. Deal?” She expectantly holds her hand out for you to shake and you feel the excitement starting to bubble up in you. Maybe she's right and you do need to let go of your insecurities tonight. You shake her hand and she laughs delightedly, causing you to giggle as well.

Amanda finally declares that you're good to go, digging a sparkly handbag that's covered in tiny silvery jewels out of her closet. That one's actually yours, but you had left it at her place a few weeks ago after Max had told you how it was just too much and how you looked ridiculous with it. You had let it slide, thinking that it wasn't worth it to ruin the evening by fighting over a stupid handbag. What was wrong with you, you think to yourself now.

You look at yourself in her full-length mirror and you have to agree, you do look good. The short dress leaves most of your thighs bare, hugging your curves in all the right ways and the lipstick looks amazing, drawing the focus to the shape of your mouth. You do polish up real nice.

Amanda's boyfriend Patricks whistles appreciatively when you both exit from the bedroom and wishes you loads of fun. That's what a boyfriend should be like, you think to yourself. Supportive, loving, and just... kind?

Amanda drags you to one of your favorite bars. You've been here countless times together; usually it's a good crowd and the drinks are cheap. It's live music night, you realize as you walk in and notice the small stage at the far end of the room, which also explains why it's more crowded than usual. You push through a few people and manage to find two seats at the bar, from where you can watch the stage and hear the music, but it isn't too loud to talk.

The bartender comes up to you and Amanda orders tequila shots before you can even open your mouth. “I would've stuck to wine,” you complain to her and she shrugs, a big grin on her our face.

“That wouldn't be half as fun. We're going all out tonight, remember?”

You roll your eyes and nod, but when you down the first shot and bite down on the lime, you can't help the laugh that bubbles up in your throat. “That's my girl!” Amanda giggles and promptly orders another round. After two more shots and feeling the tingling warmth that's spreading through your body, you let your eyes wander around the room until they find the stage.

It's mostly local bands that play here, some better than others, and tonight's isn't half bad. It's four guys, a little older than you, mid-thirties if you had to guess, and their music has an acoustic, country-ish vibe to it. Your eyes linger on the man in the front, who is softly singing into the microphone while strumming along on his guitar.

He's kinda hot, you muse to yourself, gaze trained on the way his muscles are softly flexing while he's plucking on the guitar strings with his large hands, the sleeves of his dark t-shirt straining against his arms. His deep voice is washing over you, reminding you of whiskey and honey, and you squint a little to take a closer look at his face. He has a strong jaw and pouty lips, and dark, expressive eyes that gaze into the room while he's singing. You can't explain it, but something about him just feels... warm. Like he's safe. Kind.

He has a scruffy beard and messy curls, giving him a sort of rugged look, that, combined with his incredibly broad shoulders, has you biting your lip subconsciously. How easily he could cage you in, how big and warm his hands would feel on your body...

Damn, he's really hot. And you really feel the tequila talking right now.

Amanda's fingers appear in your field of vision, snapping impatiently and you turn back to her, heat crawling up your cheeks. You might have been staring a bit too obviously. “Which one?” she grins.

“Huh?” you ask, rather poorly feigning innocence.

“Oh, come on! Okay, I'll guess,” she continues on, not giving you a chance to even try to deny anything, “it's the singer, right?”

“I-,” you start, but the look on her face tells you that it's already a lost cause, “yeah.”

She laughs delightedly and gestures to the bartender for another round of shots. “Oh, I don't think-,” you try to object, but she shushes you.

“I won't rest until you've made a move on that guy, good choice dare I say, and live a little. So drink up!” She toasts to you and you can't help laughing yourself before you tip your head back and swallow the burning alcohol in one go.

You steal another glance towards the stage – maybe a rather extended glance in all honesty – and catch the singer's eye. He holds your gaze for a few seconds, then he lets his eyes wander around the room, before returning to you, his lips curling into a knowing smirk when you're still looking at him.

You hastily tear yourself away, leaning into Amanda in an attempt of hiding how flustered you're suddenly feeling. “That was fucking hot,” she breathes into your ear.

“I know,” you whisper back urgently. Then the insecurity kicks back in. “Do you think he really meant me? I mean, we're all the way in the back here, I bet he can barely see-”

Amanda swats at your arm, shaking her head. “Please, he totally meant you. You're gonna talk to him later, you hear me?”

You groan, “Oh my god,” and lean into her further. “I'm not cut out for all this, I wouldn't even know what to say.” She tsks at you and orders another round of drinks, not taking No for an answer.

You loosen up a little over time, throwing a few more glances towards the stage and delight in the way he always seems to just wait for you to look at him. When you've made eye contact several times, he winks at you and you can't help but giggle, a kind of warmth spreading through you that has nothing to do with the alcohol. A wide grin stretches across his face as he announces the last song for the night. You give up all pretenses, your eyes basically glued to him until he strums his guitar one last time, then thanks the audience and joins his bandmates as they wander off the stage.

The bands usually pack up, then join the bar's patrons for a few beers. You try not to appear totally desperate and refrain from staring at the door that leads backstage, instead busying yourself with your drink and listening to Amanda, when you feel someone sliding to the bar counter behind you and a hand lands to rest on your shoulder. A very big, very warm hand, you come to notice, before a deep, honeyed voice floats into your ear, causing you to turn around.

“Hi. Can I buy you a drink?”

He seems even bigger up close, and even more handsome, and your lips part slightly, taking him in. You take a beat too long to answer, just sinking into his deep brown eyes, and a grin slowly spreads across his face. “I'm Joel, by the way.” He extends a hand for you to shake and you blink, shaking yourself out of your staring, quickly taking his hand and offering your own name.

His hand dwarfs yours, enveloping it in his warmth and you feel yourself blush. This is the moment, you tell yourself. “I'd love a drink,” you smile at him and he flags down the bartender to take your order. You steal a glance at Amanda, who's nodding enthusiastically.

“So...” Joel drawls when you have your drink, still standing so close to you that you're almost touching, with a smirk playing around the corner of his mouth, “do you have a man, or-?”

Your thoughts briefly flicker to Max, but you find that you can barely remember how devastated you felt mere hours ago, that you can hardly recall his face right now. “No... no, I don't.”

“She most certainly does not, she's all yours,” Amanda chimes in, leaning around you and beaming at Joel.

You can't help but giggle at the entire situation, pleasantly buzzing with both the alcohol in your system and the feeling of having Joel in your direct proximity, and finding him more attractive with every minute that you look at him.

“I really liked your performance,” you tell him and his grin widens.

“Yeah? I could tell, sweetheart.” You laugh; the pet name has your heart soaring in your chest, but you feel completely relaxed with him, not awkward, not desperate to please him or keep his interest. You just feel... good. Really, really good.

Talking to him is easy. He makes you laugh, makes you feel comfortable, and your cheeks almost hurt from smiling so much, but you can't stop. He's constantly touching you, his hand lingering on your shoulder, your arm, sliding down to your waist, and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

When he pulls at your hips to pull you off your bar stool, you quickly follow his lead, letting him sway you around to the music that's now playing from the juke box, giggling the entire time. You feel like a teenager, but you couldn't care less. You're tipsy, you're happy, the easily most attractive man that you've ever met seems to be more than interested in you – you feel amazing.

Joel's hand comes up to cup your face, his calloused fingertips brushing over your cheek and you lean into his touch. His eyes flick down to your lips and your breath stutters in your chest. Your arms wrap around his neck at the same time that he leans in until his mouth meets yours, your lips eagerly opening against his.

A pleased hum is rumbling up in his chest and both of his hands grab at your hips, pulling your body flush against him as his tongue licks into your mouth. Your hands burrow into the messy curls at his neck and you all but whimper against his lips. You feel his mouth curl into a smile before he pulls away, the look in his eyes a little dazed, mirroring your own.

“You you wanna come home with me?” he asks quietly, “I live right around the corner.”

There's no need to even think about it, you want this man desperately. You quickly check on Amanda, who waves you off with a shit-eating grin and some rather crude words of encouragement.

You swing your glittery purse over your shoulder and Joel whistles lowly. “That's fancy. I like it.”

Your eyes widen slightly. “You do?”

“Yeah. Suits you.” A wide smile is spreading across your face and, without a second thought, you grab his hand to pull him out of the bar.

He really lives close nearby and you're stumbling through a dark hallway barely five minutes later. Joel has his hands on your hips and his lips on your mouth, kissing you roughly as he leads you into what you presume is the direction of his bedroom. He kicks the bedroom door shut behind you and crowds you up against the wood, his hands grabbing at your sides, pulling at the dress, revealing more skin to his touch.

The room is dimly lit, yellow light from the street below filtering in through the windows, and his eyes roam over you. “Fuck, you're so hot,” he growls and captures your mouth in another searing kiss, his hand coming up to palm at your breasts, roughly squeezing the flesh and running his thumb over your nipple through the fabric. You mewl into his mouth and he pulls back breathlessly. “You're an eager little thing, aren't you?” he murmurs and you arch your back, trying to press yourself back into his touch.

“Please, Joel,” you whimper and he chuckles before diving back in, his tongue hot in your mouth and his fingers creeping under your dress, toying with the hem of your underwear.

He pulls it aside, his fingers grazing your already soaked folds and you buck your hips into his touch. He slides your dress up higher until his hand comes to rest on your bare hip and he searches your face.

“You're feeling good? You want this?”

You nod eagerly and he tuts softly. “Gotta let me hear it, sweetheart.”

You bite your lip, his respectfulness paired with the dark look in his eyes spurring your arousal on even further. “I want it, please.”

“Good girl, so polite too,” he murmurs and your legs almost buckle underneath you. His hand travels back between your legs, grabbing at your underwear and quickly pulling it off of you, before his fingers are back, sliding through your wetness and circling your clit slowly.

“Fuck, you're dripping. So good for me, all eager and ready, huh?”

The whine that comes out of you sounds faintly like a “yes” and he presses another kiss to your lips, before he thrusts two fingers into you, stretching you deliciously.

“Fucking tight,” he murmurs against your mouth, his voice sounding wrecked already. He sets a languid pace, pausing every so often to curl his fingers deep within you, hitting that spongy spot that has your legs shaking and your hands grabbing at his shoulders as high-pitched whines fall out of your mouth.

You can see the pleased smirk on his face as you're falling apart on just his fingers. His other hand travels up to the straps of your dress, pulling them down and revealing your breasts to him.

His lips suck on the newly exposed flesh and you hear him mutter, “so fucking pretty” against your skin. His mouth travels to your nipple, flicking his tongue over the hardened bud, while his fingers keep thrusting and curling inside of you.

Heat is boiling in your abdomen, licking at your spine and you can almost taste your orgasm already. “Joel, I'm gonna- please don't stop, please,” you manage to breathe out.

“You're gonna come on my fingers, pretty girl?” he asks, before sucking your nipple back into his mouth. “Go ahead, let me feel it.” His thumb starts to toy with your clit in quick, precise circles, and you gasp. The heat spreads through your entire body as your orgasm takes hold of you, your toes curling and your legs shaking while you pulse wildly around his fingers.

“Good girl, you look so pretty when you come,” Joel whispers, trailing kisses from your breasts up to your neck as you slowly come down from your high.

Joel maneuvers you to his bed, supporting your weight and gently setting you down until you're sprawled out on the covers. You can still feel the aftershocks from your orgasm, but your want for him is coursing through you like a wildfire and you eagerly stretch your arms out for him.

He chuckles, mumbling something about you being insatiable and quickly pulls his shirt over his head, revealing golden skin and a body that's obviously strong and muscular, but he still has a softness to him.

You sit back up and scoot closer, your hands flying to his beltbuckle as you press kisses against his belly, reveling in the way his breath hitches and his muscles are twitching under your mouth.

You tilt your head up, silently asking for permission as you tug on his pants and he nods, smiling down at you. You pull his pants and underwear down in one go, desperate to see all of him, and you can't help the soft gasp that escapes your mouth at the sight before you.

He's fucking big, and you should probably worry about fitting all of him inside of you, but instead the fire in your abdomen is flaring up again and you subconsciously press your thighs together.

Joel leans down to you, pulling your already bunched up dress over your head and leaving you just as bare as he is.

“Like what you see, sweetheart?” he smirks.

“I- yeah,” you nod, shyly smiling up at him and he pecks your lips.

“Me too.”

He crowds you in, his broad body looming over yours as you lay back down on the bed and his fingers find their way in between your legs again. He grazes your clit, then swirls a finger through your wetness, spreading it on your inner thighs, and your hips buck up into his touch, causing him to chuckle.

“Impatient little thing.”

You can barely form a coherent thought, you're desperate to feel his cock inside of you and you eagerly part your legs when he situates his body between them. He grabs at your thigh, spreading you open even wider, before landing a playful slap against the backside. An almost embarrassingly loud moan escapes you and Joel's smirk turns downright feral.

“You liked that, sweetheart? You like it when I'm a little rough with you?”

He's grinding his hips against you, sliding his cock through your wetness, the tip almost catching at your entrance. You're past the point of caring, nodding mindlessly, you just want him inside of you.

“Fuck, yes, please Joel, please.”

“Should've known,” he mumbles, “it's always the quiet ones. Actin' all shy, but you need it bad, don't you? Gonna fuck you so good, take such good care of you, don't you worry.”

You whimper, your breath catching in your throat when he lines his cock up with your center, his tip already parting your walls, but he stops himself again. “Tell me once more, sweetheart. You still good, still want this?”

“Yes Joel, fuck, I want it,” you whine. The words have barely left your mouth when he slams into you, filling you to the brim. You cry out at the sudden intrusion, your walls fluttering around his length, trying to accommodate him as he's splitting you open. The stretch is intense, bordering on painful, but you still feel yourself getting wetter around him, pain turning into pleasure as he stills inside of you for a few moments to let you adjust.

“Goddamn it, you're tight, you're taking me so good, such a good fuckin' girl.”

His mouth is close to your ear, muttering filth to you with his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin on your neck. Another loud moan falls from your mouth at his words and you clench around his cock that's still buried deep inside of you, causing him to groan.

“Yeah you like that, wanna be a good girl for me, don't you?”

You nod breathlessly and he pulls out almost entirely before slamming back into you, setting a brutal rhythm that's forcing moans from your throat and has you wildly clenching around him. One of his hands is playing with your nipples again, pinching and pulling at your delicate flesh and sending delicious sparks of pleasure straight to your core while he's still fucking you deeply. It's incredible, already easily the best you've ever had, but you still want more, want him deeper.

“Oh my god, p-please Joel,” you stutter.

“Please what?”

“H-harder, please.” He growls at that, pulling himself out of you and flipping you around until you're on your knees, presenting your ass to him. He presses his cock back into you, knocking the air out of your lungs, and his hand connects with the skin on your ass cheek in a harsh slap.

“Knew you were a filthy little thing, fuck, just waitin' around for someone to give it to you hard, huh?” he growls. The way he's talking to you is going straight to your core and you feel a second high approaching rapidly.

His hand tangles in your hair, making a fist and pulling until you're arching your back, slightly changing the angle and letting him hit a spot inside of you that absolutely devastates you. There's stars dancing across your eyes, your thighs are quivering and your walls are pulsing rhythmically.

“Not someone, just- just for you,” you moan out, shuddering around him as another orgasm washes over you, your vision swimming and you're clamping down on him.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Joel mutters, his hands grabbing your hips roughly and holding onto you with strong hands as he stills his movements and spills himself deep inside of you.

You feel almost delirious as Joel hugs you tightly to his body, kissing you deeply before he gently lays you down on the bed. He cleans you up, gets you a glass of water and covers you with a thick blanket before he slides into bed beside you.

His arm wraps around your middle and he pulls you closer against his chest, engulfing you in his warmth and peppering your bare neck and shoulders with kisses. You nuzzle into him, your eyes falling shut as you relax under his soft touches. You can't remember the last time you felt this good. Protected, cared for, happy.

“Sweetheart?” Joel's voice sounds from behind you and you give a little hum. “I know this started out like a one night thing, but-” he pauses, almost sounding a little shy, “promise me that you won't just vanish in the morning, okay?” You smile and crane your head to press your lips against his once more.

“I promise.”

a/n #2: ...yeah, this would definitely fix me. shout out to the real life amanda for being an amazing friend and the best hype woman, thank you for yelling about pedro with me 24/7. also shout out to the real life patrick for being an amazing boyfriend and providing us with insights about the male sexual experience lol. thank you guys for being the best adoptive parents to my third-wheeling single ass. <3

thank you so much for reading! if you liked this, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment!

[oc-challenges]

WELCOME TO OC HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE 2O24!

SMILE because it's time for the annual oc halloween challenge! We will see the evil, hear the evil, and speak the evil with these spooky challenges brought to you by @aliverse, @astarionbae, @endless-oc-creations, and @come-along-pond!

If this is your first time, here's the lowdown; This is an event that takes place over the 31 days of October and presents oc creators with Halloween-themed challenges to encourage creativity, foster community, and have fun! Some of these have guidelines/suggestions, but this is very much a free-for-all so you can ignore them if they don't fit with your interpretations.

RULES

DO NOT copy others edits.

If you are doing crossovers, PLEASE make sure that the creator of the other oc is okay with crossovers.

If you want your post to be reblogged onto this blog, it must contain the hashtag ohc2024.

Feel free to ask questions, I promise I’m more treat than trick.

Everything is up to the creators interpretation, although I have tried to include some examples for help!

Have fun!

Day One: Godly Parent

Whether Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, or any other; What "God" could have created your oc?

Day Two: Mystical Communication

There are tons of ways we think we can communicate with those beyond our realm such as Tarot Cards, Oujia Boards, Prayer, EMFs, or even through other people with otherworldly powers. Which method would your oc use? Or maybe they are the communication tool?

Day Three: Merch/Memorabilia

When we really love something, we want a piece of it with us. What merch would people buy of your ocs? Ex. Dolls (like funkos or Barbie crossovers), Clothes (like shirts or sweatshirts), Buttons/Patches, Dishware (like cups or plates), trading cards, posters, or even spin-off books of the show they star in.

Day Four: If They Were Canon AU

You could create an actor oc who plays your character or even make edits about how you think your ocs faceclaim would promote/interpret their character and get along with fellow cast members.

Day Five: Social Media AU

Within their canon, what would your ocs Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Facebook, Tumblr, Snapchat, and/or YouTube look like?

Day Six: Role Swap AU

Give your oc a role in their story that is different than the one they already have. Whether this is making a hero a villain or vice versa, your victim a survivor or vice versa, or anything else you can think of.

Day Seven: Butterfly Effect

One choice could change the trajectory of our lives or any game we play. Show us the effects of your oc making the wrong choice when they originally made the right choice, befriending someone they originally hated, or even just missing their alarm.

Day Eight: Multiverse

Maybe you have multiple ocs with the same faceclaim, maybe you have a friend(s) who have ocs with the same faceclaim that you've wanted to do a crossover with, or maybe you want your oc to meet some of the actual characters their faceclaim has played. No matter what it is, it's time for your ocs to meet their multiverse counterparts!

Day Nine: Literature AU

Put your oc into an alternate universe based off a book you enjoy whether it be a classic or a newer one, no matter the genre.

Day Ten: Dungeons & Dragons AU

Have your ocs play DND, make an au based off a classic DND campaign, or just tell us the stats of your oc in DND terms.

Day Eleven: Ghost AU

Sometimes when we die, we don't leave. Tell us the unfinished business that keeps your ocs ghost on Earth, who your oc would haunt, how they would haunt, or anything else related to your oc being a ghost!

Day Twelve: Supernatural AU

Make your human oc a supernatural creature or your supernatural oc a different supernatural character.

Day Thirteen: Video Game AU

Show us some of what your story would look like as a video game or put your ocs into your favorite game.

Day Fourteen: Musical AU

The doctor said I couldn't talk, he didn't say I couldn't siiinnnggg! Put your oc into your favorite musical such as Hamilton or Mean Girls, or come up with some original lyrics to show what you think your story would look like if it were written as a musical.

Day Fifteen: Nostalgia

Take the books, shows, or movies you enjoyed as a child and put your oc into them! Or, show us what your oc enjoyed as a child.

Day Sixteen: Fairytale AU

One of the most classics of classics. Make your oc a character in your favorite fairytale, whether you prefer the Grimm or Disney version, or make up a fairytale about your oc!

Day Seventeen: Being is Believing

For day seventeen, think about superstitions, urban legends, or folklore and either make your oc a part of them, make your oc experience them, or tell us which ones your oc believes.

Day Eighteen: Beloved Pet or Object Turned Human

It's not unusual for someone to grow an emotional attatchment to an animal or an inanimate object. What would your ocs beloved pet or object say if they turned human and could speak your ocs langauge?

Day Nineteen: Genre Switch

Whatever the genre of your story is, swap it with another one. Maybe your romance story is now a horror story, your comedy is now a tragedy, or your historical realism story is now future sci-fi.

Day Twenty: Darkest After Dawn

Things can go so right for so long and then suddenly so wrong. Show us what happens when something rains on your ocs parade, when a perfect day turns into a horrible night, or a dream vacation turns into a nightmare trap.

Day Twenty-One: Apocalypse AU

Put your oc into an alternate universe that's been thrust into an apocalypse whether that be because of zombies, aliens, radiation, or the Earth trying to reclaim its land.

Day Twenty-Two: Time Problems

Let's play with time for this challenge. Picture your story as if it has always taken place in a different time, throw your oc into a time loop, or have them somehow travel through time.

Day Twenty-Three: Horrorify A Song

Take your favorite Halloween song and tell it's story, or even take a perfectly innocent song and give it a horrifying meaning! Both using your ocs, obviously.

Day Twenty-Four: What's Your Favorite Scary Movie?

It wouldn't be Halloween without some good scary movies. Put your ocs into one of your favorite scary movies!

Day Twenty-Five: Horror Location

This is an easier throwback to one of the week long challenges we've done for this event. Make something that tells a horror story of your oc at a certain location such as a Hospital/Asylum, Summer Camp, Place of Worship, Cemetery/Tomb, House/Apartment, Hotel/Cabin, or Farm/Ranch.

Day Twenty-Six: Horror Subgenres

Another throwback to a week long challenge we've done for this event. Make something that tells a horror story of your oc within a horror subgenre such as extraterrestrial, apocalypse, monster, time loop, isolation, time loop, cult, doppleganger, or anything else you can think of.

Day Twenty-Seven: Horror Archetypes

Which horror character tropes do your ocs embody? The Final Girl or The Killer? The Accomplice or The Harmless Antagonist? The Harbinger or The Nonbeliever? The Comedic Relief or The Hysteric Annoyance?

Day Twenty-Eight: Solo Costume

Show us what your oc would dress up as for Halloween! Would they dress sexy? Scary? Lazy? Practical?

Day Twenty-Nine: Couples Costume

Show us what matching costume your oc and their love interest would wear! Peanut Butter & Jelly? Morticia & Gomez? Bert & Ernie?

Day Thirty: Group Costume

Show us what costumes your oc and their friend group would coordinate. Are they the Scooby Gang? The Wiggles? Mario Party Characters?

Day Thirty-One: Here's A Treat!

The Halloween potluck isn't happening this year but we still want to encourage interaction and giving. So, choose someone to give a treat! This could be an ask, an edit, some writing, or even a playlist.

[friendlyneighborhoodamara]

Can't sleep so I'm gonna talk about Akane Tendo's reputation among fans. It's no secret I'm an Akane fan, and I'm glad that the fandom seems to be kinder to her today than in the past. In light of this, I'd like to address some of the common arguments people make or used to make against her.

For reference, a significant chunk of the humor in Ranma 1/2 involves Ranma, often intentionally, pissing Akane off, to the point that she hits him really, really hard. This is a pretty common comedic trope in shonen anime prior to like...I wanna say the 2010s? (I never watched Naruto since it looked bad but I am pretty sure that's Sakura and Naruto's dynamic.) Anyways, while I joined the fandom recently, I have learned that when the show came over to America in the early 90s, Akane was SUPER controversial for treating Ranma like this, with her critics calling her a violent domestic abuser and misandrist, and her reputation has only really recovered recently.

Now, if the "girl character beats up boy character in fit of rage" trope is something that isn't your taste in comedy, then it's not your taste in comedy. However, it's important to keep in mind qualifiers for Akane's behavior. Akane at the start of the series has been harassed by boys at her school who want to beat her up and force her to date them, leading to her having a justifiably poor perception of men and boys. Her hating boys and seeing the worst in them is very different from a man hating women due to patriarchal expectations, and even then she treats boys who are nice to her like Ryoga well.

Honestly, the only area where her dislike of boys gets kinda like morally problematic in my view is if you interpret Ranma as a trans girl: while I joked in an earlier post that Akane is a TERF, one could argue that, albeit unintentionally, Akane's negative reaction to seeing Ranma naked in her bathtub (even if accidentally) and then calling him/her a pervert plays on transphobic rhetoric against letting trans women use the women's restrooms like we're supposed to. (Humorously, most of the people mad at Akane seem to be, ah...not exactly fond of trans!Ranma headcanons, but I digress.) If other trans girls or our allies don't find the slapstick funny for that reason, fair enough, but I don't feel bothered by it given how most of the time Ranma gets hit it's for being legitimately rude and again the violence is very unrealistic.

Admittedly, if Ranma 1/2 had a more serious tone and grounded level of violence, Akane hitting Ranma would be abusive. But in the series, martial artists can walk off stuff like being crushed by a boulder, so Akane beating Ranma up by kicking him/her 50 feet into the sky because she thought he/she was trying to feel her up is not so much like domestic abuse and more akin to a wife giving her husband a light dope slap. Remember, much of the violence in this series is basically just that of a Tom and Jerry cartoon, albeit with an early Dragon Ball aesthetic. Furthermore, Ranma - as much as I love him/her as a character - is usually the instigator, with the wiki even having a list of the cruel nicknames he/she gives her, so it's not as if her actions are unwarranted:

There is, per some people, a gendered component to this discussion, that if the genders were flipped, this wouldn't be funny since Ranma doesn't hit Akane. Now, firstly, if you're a man and a 35-year-old anime not having a boy beat up a girl enough is your worst experience with "sexism", well...get over it. Secondly, in terms of wider media, men commit violence against women that is framed for laughs all the time (ex.: Miroku in Inuyasha, another Rumiko Takahashi series, is a male character where his running gag involves him groping women, which is a more realistic form of violence than anything Akane dishes out), so the notion that it's only women who hurt men in media for laughs is untrue. Thirdly, the notion that hitting Ranma is viewed as okay because "he's a boy" is dubious since he does canonically turn into a girl and Akane hits Ranma regardless of gende, and despite his claims to the contrary he/she doesn't really hate being a girl as much as he/she claims. As a concession, I will note that especially in the past some writers can be reluctant to show slapstick against women, but this is more due to internalized misogyny and viewing women as weak and needing protection. Personally, even assuming that Akane was a boy and Ranma was wholly a girl, I'd have no problem with the slapstick since it's clearly goofy and unrealistic.

Anyways, I'd like to conclude by saying (1) I am glad that I joined the fandom at a time when Akane is being perceived more and more fairly as a flawed but generally pretty nice and hilarious character who has a good deal of pathos despite the clearly slapstick-y nature of the series, and (2) thanks for reading this long, very sincere post.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Y'know, it's unfortunate more people don't compare Louis and Violet in good faith.

Like, when I do see people compare them, it's usually through the lens of one is good, and the other bad. One is more canon than the other, and here's why. One is objectively better for Clementine, and the other is less impactful, worse written, didn't have chemistry with her, insert several insults here, etc.

I don't think it's inherently bad to express why you might not like one of them, or why you prefer one over the other. That's fine, that's a matter of opinion. It only gets to me when it becomes hostile, or passive aggressive... but even then, I've learned to just roll my eyes and move on. Some people make it very clear that they're not worth having a discussion with.

However, I wish I could read more nuanced comparisons of the two that didn't default to the "and that's why this one is better." At least some are kind enough to tack on a "for my Clementine" at the end.

You know how it goes: Louis is cute and he makes Clementine laugh, whereas Violet's boring, her love is shallow, she's still not over Minerva and she's using Clementine as a rebound. Violentine's a bad ship because Violet's actually a traitor, and they're practically the same person and that's bad.

Violet's loyal and reliable, whereas Louis is annoying, he never takes anything serious, he's a traitor for his vote, and he's nothing but a distraction. Clouis is a bad ship because how could any Clementine possibly like him after he voted her and AJ out? That's bad!

That's always the conclusion, right? One good, one bad.

This is incredibly limiting and it drives me nuts.

They're foils. They contrast one another, highlight each other's strengths and flaws, in such an interesting way that it makes Clementine's choice between them all the more meaningful.

One is not good and the other bad, they're different, and I think that's worth exploring.

Let's start with a common argument: Violet is the more impactful option due to her connection to Minerva.

Now, to be fair, I can understand why someone on Team Violet would believe this. Yes, it's true that the confrontation with Minerva is more impactful for a violentine shipper who has more investment in Violet as a character. Louis doesn't have as strong of a connection to her.

However, what they're failing to recognize is that Minerva isn't the only ghost to haunt this narrative. Violet may have Minerva, yes, but Louis has Marlon... and that doesn't just go away once Marlon's dead.

Violet's route has Minerva as her ex-girlfriend, and her bond with Tenn that all comes to a head on the bridge. Louis' route has Marlon's death and how that specifically impacts his relationship with AJ and Clementine, and the slow burn of forgiveness on all sides.

Marlon and Minerva are also reflective of Clementine's worst outcomes.

Clementine and Marlon were tied together through Brody's blood splattered on their hands and faces. They both killed a part of Brody, but only one of them lies about who killed her first.

After Marlon dies, Clementine gradually replaces him throughout the game; Rosie is her dog now, she uses his bow [which Louis gave her], she becomes the leader. Clementine gets them to fight back, and when three of her people are captured, she doesn't cut her losses. She does what Marlon couldn't; "we're getting them back."

When she chooses Louis, he does for her what he never did for Marlon: he steps up.

Clementine proves she won't become Marlon just as she proves she won't become Minerva.

After getting James to agree to help them, Clementine and AJ talk about what to do if she ever gets bit. AJ says he'd want her to bite him, too. He repeats this sentiment after she's actually bitten, telling her he wants to stay and they could turn together, peacefully.

When Minerva confronts them on the bridge, she's dying... and she wants Tenn to die with her. She doesn't care who she has to kill in the process. She's more monster than human at this point, and most times, she succeeds.

They're both bitten. Clementine could've become a monster like Minerva in the end. She could've killed AJ, and they could've become walkers together. But she didn't. Minerva wanted Tenn to die for her, and Clementine wanted AJ to live for her.

Also, I should mention she has Minerva's axe. She carries the key weapons associated with Marlon and Minerva throughout different points in the game, further solidifying these connections. She uses Marlon's bow to save her friends, and she uses Minerva's axe to save AJ, who in turn uses it to save her.

What's also so interesting about this is how Marlon's alive in episode one, and Minerva is thought to be dead. Louis has his best friend, and Violet's lost hers. But, at the end of the episode, Marlon's dead and Minerva's revealed to be alive.

Marlon becomes the ghost, and Minerva becomes the monster. Clementine becomes to Louis and Violet what Marlon and Minerva never could... how does that not drive anyone else insane?

So, no. One is not objectively better, or more impactful, because of a connection to Marlon or Minerva. They're different. It just depends on which storyline you personally find more compelling.

Actually, let's talk about that a little more.

In my opinion, the most intriguing point of comparison between Louis and Violet stems from their perceptions of survival, and how that impacts Clementine.

An argument I see made against violentine is that Violet's boring because she and Clementine are too similar. This usually comes from clouis shippers who prefer the "opposites attract" dynamic Clementine and Louis have.

On the flip side, there's the counter argument that Louis is reckless, that he doesn't take survival as seriously as he should and Clementine wouldn't want him because of that.

These are interesting to me because I get where they're coming from... but they ultimately miss the point.

The other day, I replayed TFS. Except this time, I did something a little bit differently. I played my usual clouis route, but then I had the violentine route pulled up on my laptop so that I could watch these scenes, comparing them side by side… and something occurred to me. 

Louis is about challenging Clementine's perception of survival, and Violet is about validating it.

Louis challenges Clementine from the very moment we meet him—he’s playing music. His initial philosophy on survival butts heads with Clementine’s. The fact that hunting with him and Aasim challenges your perception of “your choices have consequences.” These games have conditioned the player to think along the lines of, “Yeah, Louis is more fun… but if I don’t hunt with Aasim, we won’t have any food.”

Except that’s just it. I hate to say it, Aasim, but in the grand scheme of things… hunting with you doesn’t matter. It's actually less rewarding. You know why? Because in the next section, we get food from the train station. It would’ve been more beneficial to spend time with Louis over hunting, hence how he challenges you.  

This then primes you for the choice between choosing to follow Louis or follow Violet. I know people complain about how this is presented with Violet doing something productive [checking the walls] and Louis playing piano… but that’s the point. If you’re going through with Louis’ full route, you need to meet him at his level, and in turn, he will meet you at yours. You need to accept the challenge, the idea that Clementine isn’t entirely right about the way she’s gone about survival.

Oh, and do I even need to mention the vote? The debate over Louis’ vote is exhausting. Often times, people tell on themselves in how they talk about it. It’s not actually about the fact that he voted against them. If it was, these people would have a bigger bone with pick with Mitch, Willy, Ruby, and Omar… and yet Louis is the one who takes all the blame as if he’s the only one personally kicking them out. 

Louis is reacting to the death of his best friend, and the complicated feelings that come with it being caused by AJ. He wants accountability, even if he knows something's wrong. You can either agree with him that it was murder, and set AJ on the path of atonement… or, you can double down and tell him to fuck off, AJ was justified. 

But here’s the thing… the vote adds to the appeal of Louis’ route. To someone who hates him, or at the very least is critical of his vote, that sounds mad or delusional.

Except it’s really not.

Ever heard of a thing called tension? Because there’s a lot of it in ep2 between clouis + AJ and it’s fantastic.

Yes, Louis voting them out is problematic because we need a problem to solve. We need something to feed the tension between him and Clementine. He stepped in front of a gun held by his best friend in order to protect her, forever changing their relationship… only for that to seemingly be taken away from us the moment AJ shoots Marlon. 

Yes, Louis’ route is about being challenged, but it’s also about challenging him. That he’s able to forgive them, that he’s able to question his own survival philosophy and understand theirs, that he’s able to apologize and actually change for the better… that right there is what makes clouis so damn good. 

He becomes hardened whereas Clementine softens. By the end of the game, they’re on a similar level now without neglecting their differences, and they can move forward together. 

That’s what makes Louis’ route appealing… and it’s also what makes it unappealing to people who prefer Violet. 

By contrast, Violet’s already on Clementine’s level when it comes to this perception of survival. She validates that Clementine’s on the right path.

They have other similarities in the way that they’re both female, queer, they both have a kid they look after, they’re not always great with other people, etc. 

People who prefer Louis might consider this boring, but I think to Team Violet, it’s comforting. It’s comforting to have a partner who takes this as seriously as you do, who wants to get shit done. They’re playing Clementine with a similar attitude, and don’t believe it needs to be challenged. It’s comforting to feel validated on something you already firmly believe in. 

We also see this if we compare the hunting and fishing scenes. You have to make an effort to choose Louis by choosing to neglect hunting, but the game makes you fish with Violet no matter what.

Violet’s prioritizing fishing because they need food. That’s what they’ve set out to do, so let’s do it. The game is letting you know that’s the case, and if you value that, continue pursuing her. 

While fishing, they discuss why things are weird with her and Brody. Violet doesn’t take well to Clementine’s blunt, “Because you make it weird. Brody tries and you just make fun of her."

That’s understandable because I think she already kind of knows why and is looking to have her feelings validated. She prefers it when Clementine suggests that it’s because Brody never said sorry for what happened to the twins. 

There’s also comfort and validation in the way Violet sides with Clementine and AJ after Marlon’s death. She votes for them to stay, vocalizing how much she disapproves of the results. There’s this feeling that I recognize from a lot of the sapphic romance I read; “it’s you and me against the world, I’ll always have your back, even if you’re in the wrong, I’ll fight for you.”

In our case, it’s violentine + AJ against the rest of Ericson, save Tenn and Aasim. Violet validates that AJ was justified because Marlon was a liar and murderer, claiming that AJ and Clementine did nothing wrong. Violet fights to keep them. 

The tension between violentine in ep2 is different because instead of one pushing the other away, they’re being forced apart by the vote and there’s nothing they can do about it. That tension is somewhat released when Clementine comes back and they’re reunited, working out a plan to best defend the school. 

It’s also why Violet’s presented as doing something productive when you follow her instead of Louis, and why she asks if you want to hang out after checking the defenses. 

All that being said, allow me to reiterate that one is not good and the other bad, they're different. These concepts of challenge and change/validation and comfort exist on a neutral road as diverging paths. It’s up to the player to pick what path they prefer, but that doesn’t mean the other path isn’t worth acknowledging or analyzing. 

I should also mention that they’re not exclusive; there is overlap with validation being present in Louis’ route and challenges in Violet’s. They’re just more present in episodes 3 and 4 after we’ve made our decision. 

There are several more examples of how this all fits together, buuuuut–

Ya’ll wanna compare some allegories?

Those familiar with my content might already know where I’m going with this as I’ve made a post about Louis and the piano in the past. 

You see, I believe that there are allegories for Louis and Violet’s hearts present in their routes: Louis’ piano, and Violet’s pin. 

I already have a thorough, in-depth analysis of Louis and the piano that you can read, so all I’ll say about it is that on the night of the raid, he asked Clementine to carve a piece of herself into his heart so that no matter what, their initials will be immortalized together in its wood…

And that makes me fucking feral. 

But I'm also so normal about it.

As for Violet, her heart is the star gazing pin she gives to Clementine. She gives it to her so she’ll always remember that night… but she doesn’t give it to her until after Clementine’s saved her, and that fascinates me in the context of it being allegory. 

Louis asks Clementine to carve herself into his heart right before the raid, cementing that from that moment on, he is utterly devoted to her. I believe this is part of the reason why Louis is still happy to see her if he’s the one who’s captured. Yes, yes, he’s also incredibly traumatized from having his tongue cut out and he’d be happy to see anyone, yada yada… but listen, if you romance Louis and he’s captured, his heart remains with her—that piano with their intitals is on full display. When he sees her, he’s still so devoted to her that he refuses to accept that it’s at all her fault. Even when she says it is, he shakes his head... and he so easily accepts her when they’re together in the end. From the moment Clementine puts knife to wood, he’s hers. 

Now, look… you might think I’m going somewhere not great with this but hear me out. 

I think after Clementine’s gone star gazing with her, Violet is fully ready to give her heart to her. Y’know, give her the pin. But, think about what Violet said about how people have left, but Clementine came back. Plus, with the impending raid to think about, maybe Violet should keep the pin until the right moment. 

I believe a key difference between her and Louis is that Violet needs one last thing to solidify that Clementine’s the one. 

Louis gives her his heart prior to the raid because of everything that’s already gone down between them following Marlon’s death. Violet needs to know that Clementine’s willing to fight for her the way she fought before. When Clementine saves her from the raiders, it’s solidified. Even after she sees Minerva again, it changes nothing.

It’s also worth noting that the pin is something Clementine wears. Like the piano carving, it’s a piece on display for everyone to see, to let them know whose heart Clementine has.

Violet literally handed Clementine her heart as a means of saying, “I’m yours. I’m devoted to you.” 

This is why romanced/captured Violet is devastating, and is why she behaves the way she does in the cells. She was so ready to give her heart away and then nope, sorry, Vi! You get knocked unconscious by raiders instead! 

If anything, you kind of deserve to be told to fuck off if you romanced her and then let her get captured. Just sayin’. 

Look, I have a lot of complicated feelings about the captured violentine route, mostly with Violet being as forgiving as she is after her eyes are burned—yes, yes, I know, her eyes are burned and Minerva messed with her head so of course now she’s not hostile, yada, yada. 

But I think it’s rather telling that you don’t get the pin in this route. Sure, Violet’s willing to forgive and possibly pursue this romance in the future… but she’s not ready to hand over her heart, not truly. Not after everything that’s happened. 

And if you want to get extra angsty about it, imagine that Violet made the pin right after they parted ways, but before the raiders came. Meaning that if she’s captured, it’s possibly still sitting somewhere, abandoned. 

Mmhmmm, very normal about this. I feel normal. My normalness about this continues... normally. I'm not losing my shit thinking about that. Nope. Why would I? I wouldn't! So normal.

Okay just let me talk about their reactions to Tenn's death and then I'll shut up.

This makes me want to gnaw my own foot off, I can barely handle it.

AJ shoots Tenn on the bridge because Clementine trusted him to make the hard calls. This saves Louis or Violet's life.

When Louis jumps across, he's completely silent as he watches Tenn die... and then he's pissed; "What the fuck?! How could you just shoot him like that?!"

AJ explains himself, that he did it for him, and Louis is so upset that he forces AJ to look at what he's done, to watch the walkers eat Tenn; "Tenn's dead. He's dead! Do you realize that?! Look! [...] He's... he's gone, because of you. Just fucking gone."

If Clementine says AJ saved his life, Louis says, "So what, we just cut him loose? Gun him down like he was nothing?"

If Clementine says nothing, Louis says, "Tenn was just a little boy!"

The reason Louis responds this way is because in this moment, he just relived Marlon's death all over again, but worse. So, SO much worse!

When Violet jumps across, she breaks down, begging, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! No, no! No, no, no..." as she watches Tenn die... and then says to AJ, "No! What the fuck?! How could you do that?!"

AJ explains himself, that he did it for her, and Violet is faaaar from okay; "For me? I can't... Tenn is gone! That soft little boy who liked to draw, he's gone, because of you!"

If Clementine says AJ saved her life, Violet says, "You think that's okay?! Just gunning down one of our own?!"

And there it is.

Louis is hardened in this situation because he already went through this... Violet hasn't, not with AJ. She softened up throughout her route due to her relationships to him and Clementine... but this is the moment where she realizes that maybe AJ wasn't as justified as she believed, and this is the consequence.

This leads us to the ending where AJ asks if they're still mad about him killing Tenn, and I just... I'm biting my foot right now because the script has flipped.

Louis is forgiving and understanding. He's soft, he's sympathetic, he shakes AJ's hand to let him know that all is forgiven and they're okay; "I... AJ, I guess it's like... You saw something I didn't. About the situation, I mean. Minnie and the walkers and Tenn, it's just all this chaos in my head when I think back on it. [...] Clem says you saved my life? Well, then, that's exactly what you did. And how can I stay mad at anyone for doing that?"

Or, alternatively, "He was your friend, AJ. I know you are hurting just as much as I am."

As for Violet? She's understanding, too... but she's not quite ready to forgive yet; "The thing you said on the bridge...that he was messing up all the time. It wasn't something new, you know. Tenn got himself or other people into trouble all the time, long before you guys got here. He was always so lost. He lived in a world that just...isn't there, you know? And that's why I tried to look after him. But when I was pulling him away from the walkers, and Minnie, I could also see...he just wasn't there anymore."

"So you're mad, but sad."

"Can I be that for a while?"

And it's completely understandable that she's hurting and struggling with how she feels about AJ moving forward! She wants to be okay, she wants to forgive him, she just needs time.

Now, because I'm forever bitter, but I'm gonna mention this as well: whenever I see someone point at Violet's scene and say, "See!? This is how LOUIS should've acted in ep2!" like... they're telling on themselves again. Not just that they don't understand Louis as a character or his route, but that they don't fully grasp Violet's part in this either. Or time frames, for that matter.

Let me put it to you in simple terms... they react the same.

After Marlon and Tenn die, they're upset. They're pissed. They blame AJ and yell at him. After they've had time to process what happened [Louis after the two week time skip, Violet after time passes between the bridge and the ending] they share the same, "I'm still upset about Marlon/Tenn. Can I be that for a while and still be your friend?" sentiment.

The difference is that Louis is treated poorly for it because of the vote, and because we feel it first hand for longer... Violet got to grieve off screen and come back after she's sorted herself out.

It's a disservice to both of their characters because it's rooted in that same mentality that I criticized at the beginning: "This is why one is better than the other."

Do I need to say it again? I'm gonna say it again.

One is not good and the other bad. They're different.

There are so many fun discussions that could come from putting Louis and Violet side by side, and examining them. I haven't even covered the different ways they're introduced, or compared their ep3 dates to see what it says about them and the overall narratives! What about the cell scenes!? How they react when Dorian's about the cut off their fingers! The way they approach James upon meeting him!

That last one in particular is especially funny! They're all under stress about blending in with a herd of walkers to infiltrate a boat to save their friends, and yet Louis easily saunters up to the guy wearing walker skins with a smile, and makes him laugh by saying, "Functional and fashionable. I'll take two."

Violet approaches James like he's an injured wild animal that's going to bite her, and bless her heart, she tries with, "I, uh… hey. Hey there, James. Sorry about Willy." Then James gives her this judgmental side-eye, like buddy? She's not the weirdo here.

There is so much potential to dissect here, and I want to see people do it... but I want them to do it fairly, in good faith.

I want to get away from the idea of comparing them to "prove" which is better because there is no objective better. There isn't! That's a waste of time!

I'm so done with The Debate™; it's unhelpful, it's annoying, and it's boring as shit. I've heard it all before, and you probably have, too.

I want to put Louis and Violet under a microscope and study them with the thought process of, "one does this and the other does that... what does it mean!? what does it say about the narrative!? Oh my god, they have the same opinion on this thing, WRITE THAT DOWN!"

So yeah, that's my ramble for the night.

I'm gonna go replay TFS for further research.

[firelxdykatara]

I too ship Zutara and think they should have been canon. Although for me it's important to know how such a rewrite would go down. I tried to think, and I'm lost.

After Mai betrayed Azula for him, will he just go "sorry, not interested"? He isn't obligated to date her because of this, but her redemption hinges on Zuko and I don't see it being satisfying if he ends up rejecting her after this.

I thought the solution would be to rewrite her arc in boiling rock to make her have a moral realization, but then the problem with Maiko is practically solved. Their relationship wasn't salvaged by her redemption because last time they talked, Mai still didn't understand what's wrong with the Fire Nation and only changed because she loved Zuko. So how do you make it both satisfying & logical?

With Kataang the problem is the Chakras. The problem with the original (in my opinion) is that after he opened his chakra, letting go of his attachment to Katara, he's still attached (forcing a kiss on eip). Should TCoD get rewritten so that Azula shoots him before he opens it? Then why wouldn't he just open it later? Maybe the chakra would be locked so he feels as though he doesn't need to overcome his attachment just yet. In that situation, how would his chakra even unlock? The stone thing felt like nonsense, so how would I do it?

So yeah I have no idea how to approach this. How would you? (Thanks)

I've been rotating this ask in the back of my head like a rotisserie chicken for a few days--it's interesting because I don't generally stop to think like, how would I write them out of these relationships, I either ignore the relationships completely (which isn't hard, they were barely footnotes in the cartoon) or play a little bit with jealous exes or something. Thinking about like, In A Perfect World where Bryke wasn't in charge of ATLA post-canon (because if zutara had been canon, you can be sure they would've made us regret it) is interesting, and I do have thoughts on how I'd handle their relationships in a rewrite.

(this got long, so the rest is beneath the cut)

Assuming you mostly want to keep canon intact, I think maiko would be the easiest to work around, given how little relevance their relationship has in canon. The problem with maiko as an endgame ship is that it was not set up that way--if it had been, it would not have begun entirely off-screen and their whole relationship would not have been a study in misery and utter inability to connect emotionally. His relationship with Mai was there to showcase just how much he had changed and how little he fit into the life he had been so sure he wanted more than anything since his banishment. It worked very well to highlight Zuko's growth--how that contrasted to Mai's lack of it and why she could not understand him even at his most open and vulnerable--and did not work nearly so well when she was shoved back with him in the epilogue, after he'd quite literally forgotten her existence (he never mentions her again after Boiling Rock, not even to say a word of mourning, considering he'd have every reason to believe she was killed for defying his sister).

I don't think you can fix this by giving Mai some moral realization, because there simply is no room for it. As @araeph says in the essay I linked:

As a character, Mai is very useful to the story during Zuko’s return, because she represents everything that Zuko gains by sticking by his father. A girl who cares about him; the ability to indulge her; the authority he has over others at the palace; we see it all in his interactions with Mai. But this makes Mai a tether to a life he has long outgrown. Her function is not to advance Zuko’s character development, but to obstruct it, which also unfortunately means that Mai gaining a full understanding of Zuko’s trials would be disadvantageous to the story. If she knew everything about him and still wanted him to stay, it would give Zuko more cause than he should have to remain in the Fire Nation, but if she knew and encouraged him to leave and join the Avatar, it would rob Zuko of the triumph of making this decision on his own. In other words, there are good narrative reasons for keeping Mai in the dark; it just doesn’t make their relationship any stronger.

The seeds of a genuine redemption arc (one that includes some sort of moral realization and change to her moral framework) for Mai would have to have been planted far earlier than five episodes from the end of the series, but doing so would have of necessity detracted from Zuko's own character arc and the realizations that he makes despite his attachment to Mai (or more specifically to their relationship, which I feel like he was clinging to more out of a sense of abject loneliness he couldn't shake rather than genuine feelings and emotional connection).

So, in my mind, since we're tackling this with an eye towards getting rid of maiko with the fewest ripples to the overall story anyway, the easiest way to do this would be make one slight change to the end of the Boiling Rock two-parter--have Ty Lee (who had always been the least gung-ho of the trio about bowing to Azula's whims and had to be textually threatened into joining her in the first place) save Zuko's life, and then have Mai (who showed the most genuine affection for Ty Lee anyway) save Ty Lee. I love Zuko more than I fear you always fell flat for me as some epic declaration of love, anyway, since a) Zuko is not around to hear it, and b) unlike Ty Lee, she never showed much fear of Azula to begin with, so it wasn't a very high bar to clear. It was a cool line that was entirely unearned, and I don't think it would be missed, there would be some cute mailee crumbs this way, and a throwaway line of getting them released from the prison after the war ended could wrap up their presence in the story pretty nicely.

Now, kataang is a little trickier, if only because the last leg of Aang's character arc is almost completely derailed by his refusal to let go of his possessive attachment to Katara, to the point where he never naturally reopens his chakras, he has to have the Rock of Destiny hit him in just the right place, and the deus ex lionturtle there to give him a way out of having to make a hard moral choice. (I've maintained for years that if you work the final act of your main character's overall arc in such a way that it could have been solved by one good session with a chiropractor, something got fucked along the way.)

The thing about Aang's chakras is that, narratively, his whole thing with Guru Pathik and leaving his training early to save his friends was basically his version of Luke running away from his training with Yoda on Degobah because of his Force vision, only to find out that his friends were in the process of rescuing themselves and then losing his hand because he hadn't completed the most crucial part of his training. What's missing, therefore, from the last act of Aang's character arc, is the return.

See, in Star Wars, Luke pretty explicitly makes the wrong choice when he chooses to prioritize saving his friends over attaining enlightenment and fully mastering the Force. It was the only choice he could have made, but it was still the wrong one--because, like Aang, his friends did not actually need him to save them, he actually almost makes it harder for them to get away by requiring them to save him because, like Aang, he loses a battle in a very critical way. This was a lesson he desperately needed to learn, and it is clear he has learned it by the time he makes it back to Degobah and witnesses the end of Yoda's life, his own enlightenment having already been reached.

But Aang never goes back to the Guru.

And the text refuses to allow us to sit with the fact that he made the wrong choice in prioritizing his attachment to Katara over his ability to master the Avatar State. He is actually narratively vindicated about it, because the plot bends itself into a pretzel so that he doesn't have to spend any time during the last book trying to reopen his chakras and regain access to the Avatar State, handed both in the final battle with no excess effort on his part, and handed the girl into the bargain. (The girl who never even wanted him, so far as we can tell from all the lack of cues she gave him that she actually returned his feelings.)

And I think this could have been solved with a few scattered scenes. Let Katara actually have some agency in her own romantic relationship (or lack thereof), insofar as noticing Aang's advances and clueing the audience in to how she actually feels. Let Aang struggle with the fact that he can't reach the Avatar State, that his mastery of the elements is in limbo because he can't access his full power, rather than ignoring all of this until the end of the show. If we're trying to keep the shape of the last season roughly the same, let Katara confront Aang about the invasion kiss.

This would have been the perfect time to establish that Katara actually does feel some type of way about Aang prior to the epilogue, and it could have saved us from the exceedingly cringey EIP kiss that Aang never apologized for. How it comes across now, of course, is that Katara basically pretends it never even happened, to the point where she doesn't even know what Aang is talking about during EIP until he reminds her--the death knell for any shot their relationship had at looking requited, because I can tell you, as someone who's been a teenage girl, if someone I had conflicted but burgeoning romantic feelings for had kissed me, I would not have completely forgotten about it only a few weeks later--and we never get any indication as to what she actually felt about the kiss (which was not mutual, despite what Aang's dialogue in the EIP scene implies) except for the fact that she looked away and frowned afterwards. (A change mandated by Bryke, who wanted to leave her feelings completely ambiguous; the original storyboards had her smiling to herself.)

So, with an eye towards wrapping up Aang's puppy love crush and establishing Katara's distinct lack of romantic feelings for him, have her talk to him about the kiss. A good frame of reference for this would be Meng's conversation with Aang in "The Fortuneteller", where she finally realizes that he doesn't like her in the same way she likes him. Katara and Aang's conversation about the invasion kiss could be a callback to this, with Aang having some important realizations--that just because Katara doesn't share his feelings doesn't mean she loves him any less, and just because he can't have her the way he wanted doesn't mean he has to love her any less, that she doesn't belong to him but that's ok, because she's still his family and they'll always have each other's backs. Which could have functioned well in helping him take another step towards unblocking his chakras. Going back to the Guru directly may not have worked, since by this point in the story we're hurtling towards the final confrontation and Sozin's Comet, but let Aang reflect on what the Guru told him with new understanding granted him by his experiences throughout the first half of the season.

To keep the stakes high and up the suspense, obviously, he shouldn't have fully unlocked his chakras and the AS before the final fight, but the seeds could be planted--little moments like a talk with Katara about the invasion kiss, maybe a little more empathy and understanding from him about why Katara needs closure in TSR, etc--and then, during the final fight, rather than hand him all the answers on a silver platter, have him almost lose. He still can't go full Avatar, he's out of time, he still doesn't know exactly what to do about Ozai given his own pacifism and desire to preserve that part of his culture--he tries to fight but he's pretty quickly overpowered. Idk how I would've animated this, and maybe it wouldn't have looked as cool for the final fight, but the true climax of the finale was the Zuko and Azula agni kai anyway, so it hardly matters--I'm picturing him doing the rock-shield thing and going into a brief meditative state, where he finally achieves the enlightenment necessary to unlock the AS on his own, no rock of chiropracty necessary. And at this point, I'd give Ozai a Disney Death, since leaving him alive causes more problems than it solves and it's not necessary for Aang to kill him for him to die--they're fighting on a mountain ffs--but if you don't want to change that part then him figuring out energy bending as part of becoming a fully realized Avatar would at least feel more earned than the lionturtle just handing it to him. (And that could've been foreshadowed better by seeding the idea for it earlier in the season.)

After all of that, particularly if you up the emotions during the agni kai and have Zuko and Katara kiss there (or something less explicitly romantic but still tender, like a brief forehead touch), it'd feel pretty natural to have a just friends ending for Aang and Katara. Maybe a brief, slightly awkward but ultimately amiable conversation if Zuko and Katara had a ~thing at their final fight, and then the final shot of the series could be the gaang all together, maybe zutara holding hands or Katara resting her head on his shoulder or something, but since they already kissed there wouldn't feel like a need to end the whole show on romance, something which I've always felt missed the point of the series.

And then, y'know, after that, the world's your oyster! This is how I'd do it if I were trying to keep the bulk of the final season intact. Of course, breaking it all down to its component pieces and rebuilding from the ground up is also an option, but that'd probably be a longer post lol.

[tojisrealwifey]

Just One Chance

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Synopsis: Senju makes a promise to wait for [name] before [name] moves. She's back after 10 years but loving Senju seemed to have backfired on her. Now, as she wallows in self-pity she is reunited with her ex, Mikey.

note: this is an alternate ending for my senju fic. you don't need to know the story but if you're interested you can find it here.

・❥・requests : rules

WARNINGS: MDNI, 18+, Smut, Oral Sex (f.receiving), Fingering, Squirting, Masturbation, Slight Somnophillia, Dacryphilia, Slightly OOC Mikey, Cringe Arguments, Manipulative Reader [she is very selfish], Non-Canon Couples, Drinking, Mentions Of A Foursome.

・❥・wc: 7.8k

・❥・masterlist

"Hey, [name]!" Hearing a faint shout from behind her, she turns around whilst taking off her earphones. She is met by Takeomi and a woman who were making their way through the airport crowd.

She also starts to walk towards them, her black suitcase dragging behind her. 

As soon as she was an arm's distance from them, Takeomi pulled her into a hug. Despite cringing slightly, [name] couldn't stop her lips from perking up into a soft smile. 

"How are ya, [name]?" Takeomi asks her, pulling away. She replies with a faint 'good' before Takeomi is pushed away by the woman who was beside him.

"Hello [name]-chan, it's so nice to meet you." The red-head woman offers a handshake which [name] accepts. 

"Hello, Rika-san, and likewise. Again, I'm really sorry for not attending the wedding, I had crucial exams that week." [name] replies, maintaining her professional tone.

"Awhh, that's no problem honey, also relax, you sound so stiff!" Rika chuckles. 

"I don't- this is how I talk." [name] says, tilting her head slightly. 

"Damn, I'm still not used to you talking so politely, architecture uni really killed your attitude, didn't it?" Takeomi laughs out.

"Or maybe it's cause I'm no longer 17." [name] rolls her eyes. 

"I definitely spoke too soon, the attitude is still there! Anyways, give me your luggage so we can leave already, I hate airports." Takeomi shudders and takes the suitcase from her.

"Honestly, you and your dislike for airports." Rika scolds jokingly but nonetheless follows her husband.

The ride home was quite enjoyable in [name]'s opinion. Rika and she kept chatting away, especially the former, but she did get questions about her job thrown at her which she answered happily. 

[name] had worked extremely hard to get into this profession so, of course, she'll speak proudly of it.

After some time, they finally reached home. When Takeomi was pulling up the car, she noticed her brother, Wakasa, walking out the front door. 

As the car halts, she immediately jumps out and goes to hug her brother, and he does so without any complaints. 

"I missed you..." He smiles into the embrace. 

"Obviously not enough to come pick me up." [name] rolls her eyes playfully. He grunts at her comment but smiles when he notices that she has started to become comfortable showing more emotions.

"Okay, come on, let's go inside. Freshen up, I'll prepare some food."

It had been a day since she arrived back in Japan, 24 hours yet she still hadn't seen the person she longed for the most. 

Right now she sat at the dining table across from Takeomi and his wife, as Wakasa cooked dinner.

She was wearing a pair of comfortable shorts but was wearing a white formal dress shirt since she had just gotten off an online meeting a few minutes ago.

Not being able to contain her thoughts of the pink-haired girl, she confronts Takeomi about it.

"Takeomi-nii, where's Senju?" [name] finally let the question spill. Takeomi freezes. She also didn't miss how Wakasa momentarily paused his cooking. 

"What..?" she asks hesitantly, her mind filled with awful thoughts.

"[name], Senju...she uh.." Takeomi lets out some incoherent babble not knowing what to say. 

"Nii-san?" she turns to her brother this time who also froze up, not giving a proper explanation.

[name] immediately stands up and runs out ignoring her brother's calls from behind her. The cold air hit bare legs. 

She doesn't pay mind to her shorts that keep riding up with every speeding step. She took in heavy breaths but didn't stop till she reached Senju's apartment building. 

Finally halting, takes a moment to recover her breath. Entering the building she first checks the nameplates. 

If [name] remembered correctly, the Akashis' flat was 703. And she was correct, except that instead of Takeomi's name, the apartment seemed to be owned by Akashi Senju.

PING!

She heard the elevator open from behind her. She turns to see a few people emptying out of the elevator, when it is finally clear of people she enters the elevator. 

Pressing the 7th floor she secretly admires the interior of the elevator. She couldn't believe how much this building had changed over 10 years.

The elevator door opens up as it reaches the 7th floor and instantly walks out of it. Walking along the corridors she searched for the door with the number '703'.

Her eyes finally catch the said number and her feet move her towards it. Her vision slightly darkened due to her nervousness but still found the strength to ring the doorbell.

Immediately, she hears a few shuffles as a few footsteps grew closer to the door.

The door swung open as [name]'s face brightened at the thought of finally seeing Senju again.

Except, it wasn't.

Instead of seeing Senju's light pink hair, she was greeted by light brown hair. 

"Yes..?" The shorter woman in front of her spoke. 

"Oh-um...is Senju here?" [name] asks in a faint whisper, suddenly losing her voice, her head instinctively lowers to face her feet.

"[name]?" The other questions in a shocked tone. [name] snaps her head back up, taking a moment to realize who she is speaking to.

"Yuzuha?" She questions, her heart beginning to pound. 

"Ugh, who is it love?" [name] hears a familiar voice, noticing how it had grown slightly mature. 

The girl that she loved walked into the frame, her eyes widening at the sight of [name]. 

Senju sucked in a breath, shock embedded on her face as she stared at [name] with guilt in her eyes.

"Um, [name] please come in..." Yuzuha moves out of the way. [name] mindlessly agrees, taking off her shoes and walking in. 

She was so stunned she failed to notice her actions.

"You both should talk, I'll be inside if you need me." Yuzaha gives a sad smile and walks further into the apartment.

Their lips were sealed shut, both were unable to start the conversation, that was until [name] noticed a shiny rock on Senju's ring finger.

"You're married?" [name] asks. Following her gaze, Senju lifts her hand and fidgets with the ring.

"No, just engaged." Senju replies with a quiet voice.

"Since when?"

"Just now actually..." Senju answers.

[name] closes her eyes, her head tilting back slightly as she accepts the reality of the situation. Her roughed-up appearance made sense now.

They were going to have sex.

[name] felt her throat close up, her heart frantically beating in an unpleasant way. 

Oh, it hurts...

It hurts so much. 

She only now realized how much pain Senju had been put through during their teenage years.

"[name]...I-" 

"Don't." [name] interrupts her.

"It doesn't matter." She continues, releasing a heavy breath. 

"[name] please-"

"Stop Sen-"

"NO, LET ME SPEAK!" The shorter female says raising her voice. [name] stills.

"I- I'm sorry, [name]." Senju's voice wavers as she apologizes.

"Sorry about what?" [name] snaps, her question coming out more stern than she intended.

"I- I-" Senju starts but is cut off when [name] sighs sadly.

"You're sorry that you moved on from me? You're sorry that you broke your promise that you'd wait for me? You're sorry that you're engaged?" [name] asks her.

Senju says nothing except look at the floor guiltily. [name] lets out another sigh.

"You found someone you love and makes you happy. You have nothing to be sorry about Senju." [name] says. 

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Senju asks, finally meeting eyes with [name]. Her vision blurred with tears noticing the [name]'s countenance.

"Like what?" 

"Like you're disappointed in me..." Senju replies in a whisper.

"I am disappointed, but not at you. I am disappointed in myself because I let you down for so long. So if it's anyone that should be sorry, it's me." [name] says but Senju denies shaking her head, tears rolling down her face.

"Please Senju, you just got engaged. Please don't ruin such a happy occasion crying over someone like me..." [name] turns and walks closer to the door.

When she finished wearing shoes, a broken sob reached her ears. 

[name] refused to turn around, because she was aware that if she did, she would break completely.

As much as she wanted to comfort her, [name] knew...

Senju was no longer hers to comfort.

"Goodbye, Senju." [name] says and walks out, pulling the door shut behind her.

[name] walked into the convince store hoping to buy some ice cream. As much as she hated sweets, she wanted something extremely cold.

She hoped to get a brain freeze while eating it, that might help to cool her raging thoughts. 

Once reaching the ice cream section, she gets distracted by the alcohol refrigerator right next to it. Against her better judgment, her hand reaches for the sake bottle.

Five minutes later she was sitting on the pavement with two beers and a pack of cigarettes. 

After realizing she didn't have enough money on her to pay for sake she decided to settle for a can of beer and a cigarette pack. The second beer came with the buy one got one free offer, a total steal honestly.

Although she was never a fan of drinking or smoking, the night called for it. She stands up and decides to savor the commodities in her hands at her favorite spot. 

Reaching the rooftop of the abandoned building, she reminisces about the moments spent at the bowling area that was just a floor beneath her. 

It was her and Mikey's favorite spot.

Oh my god, Mikey...

She hadn't seen him since that day, and honestly, she was glad. She certainly didn't have the courage to face him.

She sat down near the door, knowing she'll be drunk off her ass in the next few minutes, and wanted to avoid any accidents just because she couldn't cope with a stupid heartbreak. 

She took out a single cigarette and placed it between her lips going to light it a bit then realized, she didn't have a lighter...

Letting out a grunt of frustration at her foolishness she places the stick back into the box. She clenched her teeth in anger knowing she just spent 500 yen on cigarettes that couldn't even use.

Despite wanting to chuck the pack away, she didn't. Instead, she held it close.

They were of Benson & Hedges, Shinichiro's favorite brand. 

[name] sighs. This is why she left, just a day back in Japan and she's already depressed. She wished she had never come back, she was happy in the Philippines, but again, she couldn't just leave her brother behind.

She opens one of the beer cans and starts sipping from it. 

Knowing that her alcohol tolerance was non-existent she only decided to drink just a bit, making sure to stay coherent enough to walk down multiple stairs and go back home.

But of course, God has never been on her side, has he?

Sips turned into gulps and within the next minute, she had already started sipping on the second can. 

She didn't know if it was the slight anger towards Senju, or because she was here on the rooftop, but she found her thoughts slipping from Senju to Mikey.

She smiles fondly remembering how much this place meant to her, to them.

They had shared many firsts here. Actually, except for their first kiss, every other first happened here.

The first time they drank, the first time they tried to smoke, first proper confessions, first date, first 'I love you's, the first time they--

[name] cringed at the memory, she couldn't believe how reckless they both were at the time, but what did two 14-year-olds know at that time?

That's what love did, it made them feel like they were the only ones here, and it truly made them feel invincible.

Love is such a dangerous emotion for someone so young, but they both fell into its captivity without realizing it.

They say that an average person falls in love three times.

The first love. The type of love that happens at a young age which is frequently referred to as puppy love. 

It feels euphoric at that time and being young and inexperienced doesn't make you understand what you truly feel.

As you get older, you think back to it and try to figure out if it was really love.

Mikey was her first love.

Then comes the second love.

It is said to be the painful one, it's the one that helps you grow. 

It's said to come with a lot of pain, lies, betrayal, drama, and so on...

And although she was grateful Senju never put her through all this, she wouldn't deny that Senju was her second love.

Lastly, it's the third love.

It's usually the one.

[name] could only wonder when she'll find her third love. 

It's said to come blindly; when your soulmate just walks into your life unexpectedly--

"[name]...?" A soft yet stern speaks from behind her.

[name] felt her heart drop and her breath got stuck in her throat. 

Just when she was having an inner monologue about love he just had to walk into her life again, didn't he?!

"M-Mikeyy...~" [name] slurs turning to face him. 

"What are you doing?!" Mikey raises his voice in shock seeing how drunk she is. 

"Oh just thinking about all the times we fucked here, why else would I be here?" [name] smiles although in her mind she cringes, not believing she some something like that.

'I am never drinking again.' [name] promises herself.

"Come on, I'll take you home..." Mikey walks towards her and takes hold of her wrist. 

"No! Come sit and d-drink with m-*hic* me~" She tugs him closer but he doesn't budge.

"[name], lets go." He says sternly once again, but she only shakes her head.

"No- come on just a drink, just like old times~" [name] pushes her half-empty can of beer into his face. 

He sighs in defeat and takes it from her.

"If you insist." but instead of drinking, he chucks the can over his shoulder obviously not realizing how much force he used because it ended up falling over the roof and landing on the road with a soft clatter.

[name] gaped at him in shock.

"No! Why did you do that?!" She stands up immediately and goes to push him, only to miss and trip over her own feet.

Luckily, he stopped her fall. [name] looks back at him, only to realize she was seeing two of him, her vision suddenly blurred as she felt herself sobering up at the sight of him.

She finally got a good look at his face, and for a second the same feeling of love filled her stomach. 

"Manjiro..." Her vision clears up and her eyes fall on the dragon tattoo on his neck. 

Lifting her hand she traces the ink on his neck, slowly striding closer, and instinctively places her lips on his. 

But to her disappointment, he doesn't respond and pulls away within the very second. 

They both stand in silence trying to understand the situation. She was surprised by her own actions, the shock sobering her up completely.

She takes a few steps back and starts apologizing.

"I'm sorry, that was very out of line...that was definitely not fair to your girlfriend." [name] says, the words spilling out before she can stop them.

"Oh? So it's fair to me?" Mikey replies haughtily. [name] shakes her head.

"It's unfair to you too..." She looks away, unable to muster up to courage to look at him.

"Hmm, don't worry about it. Plus, I don't have a girlfriend." He replies.

"Oh, boyfriend...?" She asks.

"No boyfriend either, [name]." Mikey says.

"Then...why did you pull away?" She asks nervously looking down at her feet.

"Maybe because we're not together? Also, the fact that you're drunk?" He replies with a soft voice.

"R-right...also, I'm not drunk. I just got a bit tipsy and wasn't thinking straight, so sorry for that..." 

[name] felt emotionally distraught, and Mikey didn't fail to notice that.

"Come on, I'll take you home." Mikey says but [name] just shakes her head.

"No, I don't want to go there right now..." She wraps her hands around herself to provide some sort of warmth.

"Then where do you wanna go?" Mikey asks; taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her figure. 

Such gestures, it all felt so natural.

"You place...?" [name] asks hesitantly. Mikey sighs in disapproval.

"[name]..." Although he couldn't imagine leaving her so he agreed silently.

He took her to the Sano Residence on his CB250T. She was impressed to see how well he managed to maintain the bike even after so many years.

"I see you still live here." [name] smiles softly.

"This place has too many memories, I couldn't leave." Mikey smiles back.

"Is Grandpa in? I figure he's sleeping right now?" [name] asks.

"[name], he passed away years ago..." Mikey replies, his voice wavering. She looked at him in shock as this was the first she ever heard of it.

"What? When?!"

"A year after you left..."

"So, you've been living here all by yourself...?" She questions with a small frown.

"Pretty much." He replies and starts to guide her into the house.

It wasn't fair. He had been through so much, he had lost so many people.

His Mother, Father, Shinichiro, Baji, Draken, Emma, Izana, and His Grandfather.

And [name] left him as well...

"Why the long face?" Mikey brings his index fingers to the side of her lips and slightly pulls them up into a smile.

[name] giggles like every other time he did this gesture when they were young.

"Nothing..."

"Come on, tell me." he insists.

"I just- I'm not saying this is an insensitive way but, I feel like this house holds so many sad memories. I couldn't imagine being strong enough to put up with everything...does that make sense?" [name] rambles on.

"It's true, this place has seen such sad moments but at the end of the day, this house is a part of me. I couldn't imagine leaving this place. Hopefully, I'll find someone to make new memories here with..." Mikey trails off.

"O-oh...do you have someone in mind already?" [name] tries to keep her voice strong but a stutter manages to slip in.

"Honestly, I always thought of it being you..." he says with a sad smile. 

"Do you still love me, Manjiro?" She brings up the courage to ask the question.

"Yeah...I do." 

"Then why did you pull away?!" 

"Because you don't love me back, [name]! You know what?! I am so sick of this! Even when we were broken up 10 years ago, every time you found yourself frustrated with Senju, you came to me. Ever since then you always kept me as your second option, and I hate that!" Mikey snaps at her.

[name] goes to defend herself but gets interrupted.

"Don't think I'm stupid [name]! I know exactly why you were drunk and crying just now, it's because you found out about Senju and Yuzuha didn't you? I was just trying to be a decent person and comfort you but then you went and kissed me, trying to distract yourself like you always do!

You did that before you left too! And I was so blinded by what I felt for you that I agreed with everything you did, not even considering the fact you were just using me as a goddamn stress reliever! Can't you see that what you did hurt me as well!" 

Mikey's eyes filled with regret, he hadn't meant to snap at her but he had a limit as well.

"Manjiro I- I'm sorry that I made you feel that way...I didn't realize it I swear! At that time, running away always seemed to be the best option, but I never realized how many people I ended up hurting in the process..." [name] trailed off, her eyes welled up tears that she instantly blinked away. 

After all, she had no right to cry.

"It's alright...I'm also at fault for leaving you like that." Mikey reasons.

"But you did that to protect me, to protect everyone. It's not the same. Fuck, I am the worst, aren't I?" [name] covers her face, tears burning her eyes.

"To be honest, yeah." Mikey's lips form a thin line. [name] scoffs at his reply but agrees cause it's the truth.

"But that's the past. Now that you're back, you can start over." [name] uncovers her face and gives Mikey a grateful smile. She appreciated his attempt to reassure her.

"Do you still sleep in your garage room?" 

"No, I shifted to aneki's room, although it's still there. Here, the guest room is right here, you can stay here for the night." Mikey leads to the second-last room.

"Thanks..." 

"No problem, you can take a shower if you'd like, although I don't think you need one. You smell quite nice." Mikey says before his lips seal shut. 

[name] stares at him blankly trying to process what he said.

"Fuck, that was weird. I'm sorry, I just didn't think I'll ever see you again so my mind isn't working properly..." he explains trying to subdue his embarrassment. [name] stifles her giggles.

"It's alright, Manjiro. Good night." She smiles softly.

"Yeah, night. I'm just in the next room so shout if you need help." 

[name] just nods and closes the door behind her.

It was around 2 AM when [name] found herself awake on the bed. Her mind was plagued by the thoughts of Senju.

Despite what her selfish heart asked for she knew Senju was just a star that she could never reach. A love that will never be hers.

She is distracted by the sound of glass clinking coming from elsewhere, so she gets out of bed and ventures out of the room. 

Letting the sound of running water be her guide she traverses through the house and comes face to face with Mikey who had just finished rinsing a glass.

"Sorry, did that wake you?" Mikey gives her an apologetic look under the moonlight that seeps through the windows.

"Ah no, I was awake." Was all she said.

"Thirsty?"

"No...Manjiro?" [name] calls out to him.

"Hm?" 

"Was it real for you...?" [name]'s voice comes out weak but her gaze does not falter.

"I don't understand." Mikey replies, confused by her question.

"Everything that happens between us. Was it real for you as it was for me?" [name] asks with a sad gaze, slowly coaxing him to answer.

"I think I made my feelings clear every single time, [name]." Mikey sighs, but then flinches at the sight in front of him.

[name]'s cheeks slowly got covered in tears as she finally succumbed to the events of today. Unable to stop herself she strides closer to Mikey and hugs him, words of gratitude falling from her lips.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for loving me back then. For loving me now. Thank you."

Mikey holds her close while responding to her words with comforting pats on the back. Minutes go by and they remain the same. The flow of her tears were far from slowing down and so were her words of gratitude.

She very slowly pulls her head away from the side of his neck and moves her face close to his.

"Thank you." As the gratitude is whispered into the night, [name] connects her lips to her first love's.

This time Mikey does not withdraw, and only pushes closer, indulging in her taste.

Slowly, they guide their bodies to Mikey's room. Once the back of [name]'s legs hit the bed, she gently falls back before letting her back rest on the bed.

Her legs were spread apart for Mikey to move with ease as his lips continued their ministrations on her collarbone. 

Pulling back to start undressing her, he halts to admire the love of his life.

Her lips were wet, small trails of moisture on her cheeks and neck glistened under the moonlight, the sight itself made him weak.

His hands work to get rid of her shorts so she's bare from the waist down spare for her underwear.

He doesn't remove the white dress shirt she adorned, instead, he unbuttons the first few buttons just enough to reveal the simple black bra that held her weight.

His right hand smoothly slid her bra up enough to expose her chest and the way he did so made it seem as though her breasts were trapped.

[name] lets a weak whimper escape her lips as Mikey's tongue slithered on the valley between her breasts. 

His thumbs teased her nipples as his mouth trailed her collarbone. Slowly moving his mouth to one of her breasts he wrapped his lips around her nipple, using his tongue to add to the pleasure.

His tongue kept rolling around her nipple, saliva leaked from his mouth to the sides of her breast leaving prominent trails. 

He couldn't get enough, feeling how her nipple slowly but surely turned hard. He continues to do the same to her other breast before placing his hands around her waist to flip her over.

[name] balanced herself on her hands and knees, letting out faux moans as Mikey's thumb rubbed her clit through the fabric.

Slowly pulling her underwear down yet not completely off, his fingers brush through her folds smoothly.

Mikey stares at her cunt with a blank stare. Somehow he wasn't surprised at the the lack of arousal. 

His eyes grew pained yet a sad smile took over his lips.

He had yet again fallen prey to [name]'s false words.

Gathering some saliva on his tongue he slides it over her clit and her folds finally plunging into her waiting hole.

[name] lets out a loud hoarse moan, not trying to muffle her sounds like she usually does. 

"Ahhh- There!" 

[name] occasionally lets out words of affirmation as Mikey's tongue fucks her now-sopping cunt. 

His teeth would sometimes nip at her clit painfully as a form of revenge yet [name] only found pleasure in it.

[name] continuously lets out moans unable to stop her approaching orgasm.

She couldn't deny that this was the best tongue to have touched her. The title would change every now and then while she was a student at uni.

Her best experience was during a foursome with fellow female students.

Her cunt clenches around Mikey's tongue at the thought, mind becoming hazy as she feels her clit throb.

She remembers how amazing it was. She was in the same position as she is now but her mouth was on an older's classmate's cunt, licking away at her folds.

She herself was getting her pussy kitten licked by two other classmates. One had her tongue constantly sucking on her clit to the point it was red and puffy. 

The other would use her tongue to assault her insides, switching between her fingers as her tongue would kitten-lick her asshole despite [name]'s protests or she would engage in a sloppy kiss with the other girl, their tongues still coated in [name]'s arousal.

That was the last time she had a shaking orgasm, that was until tonight.

[name] had unconsciously started to push against Mikey's tongue, his wet muscle was long enough to somehow brush against her g-spot. His nose rested dangerously close to her other entrance, and she would moan every time it lightly touched her.

She pushes back harder as she slowly feels her orgasm fade, so she thinks of the only thing that could release all the tension.

[name] plants her face against the mattress and moans into it as she thinks of Senju in every position imaginable.

She did the same in all her years at uni as she would fuck anyone who remotely resembled Senju or sometimes Mikey.

She thought of how Senju's tongue would feel on her cunt. She imagined her cunt against hers, hands tied as [name] would ride her face.

Tears prick her eyes as the thoughts overwhelm her.

"SE—AGH AHH! THERE! PLEASE! PLEA- AHH! MIKEY!" 

[name] squirts for the first time in 4 months. Her arousal coated her thighs, tainting the bedsheet below her.

Trying to ride out her high, she grinds her soaked cunt across his face in hopes of more stimulation, making sure to rub her clit on his nose and completely drench his face.

Mikey lets her move as she pleases, aiding her by softly licking up all her arousal. 

As he finished, he places a small kiss on her clit before standing up to walk away.

Before he could get too far, [name] shifts to sit on her knees and stops him by holding his hand. 

"Where are you going...?" [name] asks in a slight panic. Mikey only smiled down at her.

"Get some sleep, [name]." He replies trying to free his hand from her grasp.

"What...do you- why did you stop? What about you-?"

"This is enough [name]." Mikey loses smile.

"No, it's not- I need more! More than her- Mikey, please! Please..." [name] sobs guiding Mikey's hand between her thighs, coaxing two of his fingers to slide inside her.

Once they were settled in she moved her hips to mimic riding his fingers as she once did him, trying to lure him in. Her back was arched, pushing out her chest so they would move along with her hips. Her head tilted back to expose her neck, making it look so kissable.

Mikey was slightly caught off guard by her actions, never having seen her so desperate and submissive. He clenches his teeth in anger but keeps his mouth shut, only replying by driving his fingers deeper.

"Ahh! Just like that!" 

[name]'s moans were music to his ears yet it made them bleed, knowing nothing was directed towards him.

"You're so fucking selfish." 

Those were Mikey's last words before he rips his hand away from [name], completely distributing her orgasm.

"Manjiro what are you-?!" [name] exclaims but gets interrupted by the shutting of the door.

As a few minutes go by she hears rustling around the house she can see from the window how Mikey leaves the house looking fresh as if she hadn't just drenched his face.

He soon leaves on his bike, driving into the lonely night.

Tears now stained her face. 

How could he just leave her? Who should she go to next? How else could she stop the throbbing between her legs that had yet to subside?

[name] falls back on her back, her head on the pillows. 

She spreads her legs and immediately plunges two of her fingers into her weeping cunt. As she did so she was brought some relief, but her clit still pulsated against her palm. 

She sits up slightly, her right hand still in her cunt and she leans against the head of the bed using her left hand to support herself. 

Her left hand then moved to her breasts which were still trapped between her bra and her shirt. Her fingers stimulate her nipple as she continued to finger fuck herself, her mind filled with images of an engaged woman. 

She imagined fucking Senju in her favorite position. 

When she was at uni and became intimate with anyone who was similarly submissive to Senju she would fuck them in this position, hoping to do the same to her love one day.

Her room had a thin and long mirror on the side of her bed and there was enough distance between them to fit two people.

So as she would get eaten out by her partner for the night, she would make sure the girl would have her bare cunt pressed against the mirror.

She wouldn't stop the girl's actions until she was sure that the part of the mirror and everything below was covered in her arousal. 

When it was, she would shift the both of them so that [name] was sitting on her knees and the girl was lying flat on the floor, her legs over [name]'s shoulder would rest on her bed and the girl would have a complete view of her arousal and her dripping cunt as it got fucked by [name].

[name] would then tease the girl with her tongue all night and she forced her to lick up her own arousal on the mirror.

The girls who had experienced this would cry and cry, the filthy actions would embarrass them but they would only grow closer to their release.

Sadly for them, even during these intimate moments, [name]'s mind would only replace them with a certain pink-haired girl.

[name] felt herself growing close to her orgasm when thinking of Senju in the same position.

But suddenly her mind replaces herself with the image and Yuzuha and it breaks [name]. Shaking her head in defiance she continues her actions nonetheless.

Her fingers started to numb and her arm started to hurt, but she didn't stop until she had released all over her fingers.

Letting her breathing slow down she brings up her hand close to her face to look at her arousal.

After she cooled down she let her forearm rest over her eyes, letting her tears flow.

Mikey hadn't felt such disappointed in years. As ashamed as he was to admit it, he was disappointed in [name] more so than he was in himself. 

He had noticed how she had called him 'Mikey' as opposed to 'Manjiro' like she usually does.

It's something that she had started doing somewhere in between his Kantou Manji days. It had started when Senju had officially entered the picture.

Without even realizing it, he had played right into her hands. She would lure him with her sweet 'Manjiro's and her lips would only spill 'Mikey's as she would fuck him.

It was already too late when he came to the realization.

Everything was different when she loved him, and only him. It was sweet. And a part of him believes it all went to shit when he left, yet he atoned for his actions. 

He was truly happy when [name] found love but when years later he heard of Senju and Yuzuha a part of him felt guilty, even though he hadn't done anything wrong.

Everyone else who was aware of [name] and Senju was also a bit distraught, but they were happy for Senju and Yuzuha nonetheless.

Mikey himself was happy for Senju for finding her happiness and hoped that [name] would be too but, by last night's events it was pretty clear how she had taken the news.

Because if she was happy, she wouldn't have kissed him. It had become second nature for her, if Senju does something wrong, go to Mikey. It had been drilled into her bones. 

Mikey walks into his house at around 9 AM. He looked to see if [name] was still here and sure enough, her shoes were right there.

He goes to check his room and finds [name] fast asleep on his bed. Her back was on the mattress, her head leaned up due to it resting on multiple pillows. Her hands were on each side of her head, and her legs were slightly pressed together and folded up.  

When he saw her face, he noticed how her lips were parted with small gasps escaping them, her face contorting as if there was some sort of tension building.

"Senju...Senju...~" 

Hearing this Mikey's eyes unconsciously drift to [name]'s slightly exposed cunt, there was a prominent trail of her arousal leaking from her hole.

Against his better judgment, he finds himself yet again at the mercy of [name], hands on her knees to spread them apart.

He uses his finger to see how wet she is and is utterly surprised to see her completely soaked as he spreads her folds. 

[name] lets out a pitiful whimper at his action.

Without another second being wasted, he sticks out his tongue and licks up from her asshole to her hole, gathering all of her arousal and pushing it back inside her.

[name] moans but doesn't wake, her lips forming the phonetics of Senju's name.

Removing his tongue from inside her, Mikey just licks her all over her cunt, trying to build her orgasm.

[name]'s eyes open but her vision is blurry, she just feels extremely wet all over and can only make out how her thighs felt to be trembling.

When she leans up and looks down to see Mikey eating her out, her head falls back and her cunt pushes forward on his tongue. Noticing her to be awake now Mikey goes back to driving his tongue inside her.

The loud squelching sounds slowly brought her out of her sleepy state, her hips starting to push against him making a few squirts spurt out of her cunt and onto Mikey's tongue.

"Ah~ Ah~ Mikey...what are you-?"

"Shhhhh..."

Feeling him speak against her clit just brings her orgasm closer. This all felt like a fever dream to her. 

Mikey pulls away from making her whine but her mouth is agape when Mikey moves to her side and up to suck on her nipple, his fingers stimulating her soaking folds.

His tongue moved around her nipple along with his fingers and these actions were too blinding for her, falling into complete submission for the first time.

Two of his fingers suddenly plunge into her just as he softly bites her nipple, her head is thrown back as she moans out.

"Ahh! Senju!"

[name]'s eyes widened in horror, instantly looking at Mikey's face but his eyes remained closed, but she noticed how thin tears spilled from the corners of his eyes and fell onto her body, getting camouflaged within her sweat.

His mouth was still sucking on her mounds and the movement of his fingers hadn't faltered for a second. 

In fact, his thrusting had sped up, hitting her g-spot repeatedly, she was sure her cunt would be puffed up due to the sheer force of his fingers. 

"Mikey I—" 

"Just finish, [name]." 

And she does.

Her release coats his hand up to his wrists as his fingers reach knuckles deep in her cunt to coax out every drop.

This continued for a few minutes till their breathing was no longer erratic. 

Mikey shifts once again to place himself between her legs to lick up all of her arousal, [name] remains silent ignoring how her cunt clenches around nothing as Mikey smoothes his tongue all over her folds licking her clean.

Once he is done, he places a kiss on her clit like he always does before getting out of the bed.

"Manjiro-"

"Take a bath. I have some clothes for you, freshen up." Mikey interrupts her before walking away from her for the second time.

"Where did you get my clothes from? Did you visit Waka-nii when you left?" [name] questions as she stands at the door wearing her shoes.

"Yes, I didn't think you had informed them so I knew they would be worried. I told them I found you drunk so you're sleeping at my house."

—————————

09:34 AM

"She's at your house?" Wakasa asks in a worried tone.

"Yes, I found her drunk and felt uncomfortable leaving her alone. I tried to bring her here but she kept fighting so I just brought her back to my house." 

"Drunk?...*sigh* I see, thanks for informing me. You said you needed some clothes? Wait I'll get some for you." Wakasa replies massaging his head.

He returns a few minutes later, a paper bag in hand.

"I'm sorry about [name], Mikey. I wasn't too worried knowing she wouldn't do anything reckless, but just before you came here Takeomi called me and said that Senju and Yuzuha had gotten engaged last night." 

Wakasa sighs out as Mikey's eyes widen in surprise as he thinks back to a few hours ago.

"This is enough [name]." Mikey loses smile.

"No, it's not- I need more! More than her- Mikey please! Please..." [name] sobs guiding Mikey's hand between her thighs, coaxing two of his fingers to slide inside her.

Once they were settled in she moved her hips to mimic riding his fingers as she once did him, trying to lure him in. Her back was arched, pushing out her chest so they would move along with her hips. Her head tilted back to expose her neck, making it look so kissable.

Mikey was slightly caught off guard by her actions, never having seen her so desperate and submissive. He clenches his teeth in anger but keeps his mouth shut, only replying by driving his fingers deeper.

He thinks back to how desperate and broken her mind seemed to work, and suddenly everything made sense.

He realized she had probably met them right after the proposal. He felt pity for [name] yet it was still not an excuse for her behavior.

"She didn't do anything drastic right?" Wakasa asks Mikey to make sure [name] wasn't too disruptive.

"Don't worry Wakasa-san, she fell asleep as soon as she hit the bed." Mikey replies with an uncertain smile.

"I see...Please ask her to come home soon. Thanks for doing this Mikey." Wakasa pats him on the shoulder walking back into his house.

—————————

"You told him I was drunk?" [name] asked shocked by the revelation. Mikey gives her a nod.

"He's going to murder me... You- ...You didn't say anything else right?"

[name] averts her gaze as she questions him.

"No, I just said you fell asleep as soon as you got to the bed." He explains.

"But..." He continues making [name] look at him in a slight panic.

"I don't take your brother for an idiot." 

That was all he said.

[name] nods at him before finally saying everything she had decided to say while taking a shower.

"Manjiro, I'm sorry. I truly am. I was sorry all those years ago, I was sorry last night, and I will continue to remain sorry for what I have done. I have no excuse for—"

"[name] you don't need to do this-" Mikey's words interrupt her but it only makes [name] lash out.

"No! I have to. You deserve an apology, okay?!" His lips seal shut and [name] takes it as a sign to continue.

"I was really sad when I found out that Senju and Yuzuha had gotten engaged. Over the years Senju had started growing distant towards me to the point that we had completely stopped talking. 

A part of me knew that she slowly realized that it wasn't worth loving someone like me, she didn't need to stay with someone who tormented her at every turn. 

I was so depressed by the silent rejection that I would sleep with anyone who slightly resembled her in looks, personality, submission, or anything that reminded me of her. I would project her onto my partners and I unconsciously did the same to you.

I would try to stop myself by telling myself that Senju and I just got too busy, friends drift apart but when they meet it's left they never left. I would tell myself that it would be the same with us. That Senju would love me again when she saw me, yet it didn't go as planned.

Manjiro, It wasn't a lie when I said I loved you. I love you! I really really love you! But when Senju came into the picture I started loving her even though I never forgot you. I...

Manjiro, I'll be better! I'll go to therapy, anything! Anything to better myself. Just give me a chance... I'll be better so you won't ever regret having loved me. I'll make myself better so you don't have to be ashamed of me. Just give me a chance..." 

[name]'s heart felt light as soon as all the words spilled out of her, but immediately a brick was stacked on her heart once again and she dreaded his response.

She told herself that no matter his response, no matter what he said she would accept. 

"Okay."

[name] looks at him in disbelief. Did he just agree?

"Okay?" 

"Okay. I'll give you a chance. But only when you can accept the true relationship between Senju and Yuzuha. Can you do that?" Mikey asks her.

[name] nods trying to compose herself.

"Yes, I can do that!" [name] assures.

"Are you sure, [name]? Are you ready to accept the fact that Senju no longer loves you? Are you ready to accept the fact that as we speak Senju is probably getting filled and fucked by someone who will never be you?" 

By the end of the sentence, Mikey had pulled [name] close to him by her shoulders, making sure that her eyes stared back at his. 

He knew his words were brutally honest, the last part might have been unnecessary but he could no longer ignore just how hurt he was by her.

[name]'s heart ached at his words but she kept staring back, not moving her gaze for even a second.

"Yes. For you, I will accept it." Was [name]'s response. Hearing this Mikey lets go of [name] and steps back. A few seconds go by as neither of them says anything, yet they don't break their stare.

"Very well. I will wait for you." Mikey finally lets out a smile, his heart grows heavy when [name] smiles back and bows as a thank you.

He watches as she turns around and leaves the house, closing the door behind her.

He already knew how fate works, and what it will do to him since god was never on his side.

He always wondered if he was being watched by the devil, and he wondered if he would keep looking upon him till he had taken everyone from his life.

[name] too wondered if she had a devil in her.

Being loved by [name] was truly a beautiful thing. But it would become dangerous if it isn't reciprocated. She would never directly hurt anyone, but everyone around her would end up in the crossfire and would get used by her to ease her.

Then she would think of ways revenge, payback in ways that would have her love come crawling back.

Even now, as she makes her way home the devil persuades her to forget about Mikey. He tells [name] to go find Senju and make her forget all about her fiance.

He coaxes [name] to find her and fuck her into oblivion. Make sure that [name] will always be the best tongue to fuck her, the best fingers to stuff her full, the best pussy she'll ever taste, the best sex she'll ever experience. The most loved she'll ever feel.

This was tempting for [name], but for now, she'll ignore the devil and only listen to Mikey. She will make him take the place of an angel or rather...

Make him a devil to kill her own.

[kurithedweeb]

I know people talk about MyS Gene and Laurance being exes, but. Hear me out. MCD Gene and Laurance being exes.

(This was specifically written for an AU where Laurance got married pre-canon but it still works well if you take that bit out.)

Think of the potential, especially if Gene is the one who turned Laurance into a Shadow Knight. Imagine the things he could draw on during Laurance's stay in the Nether. The narrative potential.

Maybe they were in a relationship in the guard academy. They met in Brightport when they were both checking out the guard academy with their families, maybe they ran into each other on their way to their barracks. They weren't very serious about it going in, had more of a friends-with-benefits deal that became boyfriends after a short while. They had a very good relationship, rarely if ever fought, and tried long distance for a while after their graduation before eventually deciding to officially break up. It was all very amicable and they still send letters to each other.

And then suddenly Gene stops answering. And it takes a long time for news to travel between Boboros and Meteli. Laurance sends a few letters, not knowing that Gene's parents have been getting rid of them. Maybe they send back a note saying Gene had been executed. Maybe they don't. Laurance can only wonder what happened.

Hear me out: Gene turned bad so quickly and drastically because all he wanted was to be loved. I swear I'm going somewhere with this. Gene wants to be loved so badly, he's craved it all his life, to the point where when he loves someone it will twist into an obsession at the slightest hint of rejection.

He loves his family, he lives with them and raises Dante and helps their mother with anything she could ever need. He loves Laurance, and is safe in the knowledge that Laurance never falls out of love with anyone even when they're halfway across the region from one another, and its clear in his letters even though they're not technically together anymore. He loves his men, and they adore their commander, and the same is true with the Lord. He loves the Lord's daughter -

And she doesn't love him. No matter what he says, what he does, she doesn't love him. And he has the power to change that. And then before he can, Dante, arguably the person he loves the most, turns his back on Gene.

And the obsessive part of him rears its ugly head. It doesn't matter how old Dante is, it doesn't matter that he's doing the right thing. He's betraying Gene.

Dante and his Lord and his Lord's daughter, even his own men, they all turned their backs on him when all he ever did was love them. So he swears his vengeance. And he wakes up under the eyes of a monster, a man who hands him his vengeance and all the love and adoration he could ask for on a silver platter, so long as he does this one job for him. So long as he's a good general.

And Gene can do that, Gene can be that. And he's adored for it. By his new Lord, by the men who fall under his command, and he can make the prisoners that fall under his purview adore him too.

And then he sees Laurance again. And they can have what they once had. Laurance, surely, never stopped loving him. Laurance never falls out of love with anyone. Gene saves Laurance from the other Shadow Knights, and he's so kind to him, so sweet, just like they once were, and Laurance is wearing a wedding ring.

A wedding . . . ha.

Laurance has fallen out of love with him. And he has the power to change that.

He tries to do it the easy way, with his magick, but Laurance is frustratingly resistant to it. Probably because of that damn swamp of his, the one he once said blessed him as a child, but that's fine. If he couldn't replace this spouse of Laurance's, he'd make him adore him again the way he does all the other prisoners.

By turning him. By giving him power beyond his wildest dreams, and a place at Gene's side like he once had.

And in the end, Laurance only hates him more. In the end, Laurance fears him. And that's okay. If he won't love him, fearing him is the next best thing.

All this to say Laurance and Gene are exes in the Drop of Sunlight universe.

[yawnderu]

She Wants Me Dead — Miguel O'Hara x Reader | Part III

1 2 3

"You have tits now." The sentence is so blunt it almost makes Miguel laugh for the first time ever since the incident.

"Pecs." Is all he can reply, barely even finding the energy to keep his eyes open. He has been working himself to the bone ever since he broke the canon and erased an entire dimension, looking for an explanation, a solution, anything.

"Mhm." Everything felt so cold ever since. 5 months in and you couldn't handle the pressure of dealing with Miguel, who was barely home and didn't even have the energy to do anything with you, spending all day in his office, planning with the AI you came to love, Lyla. You left him at his lowest, appearing only a year after the incident, once Miguel had it together, in a way. The Miguel you're looking at isn't the Miguel you fell in love with.

"I have nothing for you, so you might as well shock off." He dismisses you without even sparing a glance at you, his red eyes focused on the projection of his adoptive daughter��� the life he wished he could have and got to experience for a short while before reality came crashing down in him, destroying any piece of what the old Miguel was like. Friendly, nice. He was now full of snark, sarcasm, and a moodiness that seemed to spread to everyone around him, infecting them like a virus.

"I just wanted to see you. See if I got lucky enough to be in your bed again." There's a playful pout on your lips, doing nothing to ease the tension. He wasn't expecting to see you ever since you dumped him, and he could feel his muscles tensing at your mere presence.

"Not happening. Not after what you did." He's stern, cold. His red eyes set on you for a second before returning to his monitor, both wounds still fresh in his soul.

"You're still mad about that? I said sorry." The charming smile you shoot his way is enough to make his blood boil. It's something he has seen far too many times during your toxic relationship, something that previously made him fold and submit to you, despite knowing you're both pure poison to each other.

"Sorry." He repeats with a scoff, hands on his hips as he finally looks down at you. He's much... bigger, in every way. The lanky guy you knew is now towering at 6'9, his body nothing short of pure muscle that could easily crush you like a bug.

"If you want back in, you're gonna have to try much harder. You can't just keep doing stuff like that, not anymore." He's a lot more mature now, even if only a year has passed. You know he suffers from great trauma— hell, you were there to see that for yourself, until you ran away.

"Fine. I'll do anything, Miggy." You reply with a sigh, hands gently tracing his waist before wrapping around it, bringing him in for the so dreaded hug. In reality, you don't feel much about it, but for him... it's like another punch to the gut. He has way too much on his plate, the last thing he needs is his ex-girlfriend, a villain, pretending to be sweet just to get forgiveness.

"Just... be there for me and don't piss me off." He says after hesitantly pushing your body away, being careful enough to not use a lot of force.

Four months in and you've broken that promise more times than he can count, yet the obsession and love cloud his judgement. You're the only thing he can cling on besides his obsession with the canon, and so when he needs a break... he knows you'll be there. Doesn't matter if he wants to talk, cuddle in silence, or fuck. You're always available, ready for anything he has in mind.

"Así, mi amor." He guided your hips up and down his cock, arms wrapped around you like a lifeline as he used your cunt to jerk himself off.

"Too much—" He shushes you with a kiss, bringing your body closer to his until he can thrust into you faster, your whiny moans doing nothing but become fuel to his already exhausted body. His kisses are sloppy, desperate, tongues wrapping around each other in a mess of saliva.

''Wanna prove how much you're sorry? For all the broken promises?'' You regret nodding your head, because now your body is now pinned down on a mating press as he fucks his stupidly big cock into you, pulling out only to slam himself back in, the lewd sounds of your squelching cunt and mixed moaning bouncing off the walls of his room in a melody that you both know too well.

''Want it inside?'' He already knows the answer, but he always asks just to confirm. His thumb rubs on your clit while he holds your thighs up with both hands, looking at the way his cock disappears into your cunt, barely managing to take him all the way. The new position allows him to see more of you in a vulnerable light, and he truly appreciates just how much power he holds over you in this moment, your much smaller body writhing underneath him as your second orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave, unable to focus on anything going on around you except just how good his cock feels. You manage to give him a desperate nod, too overwhelmed to even speak, only whiny moans being able to push past your lips.

''Good girl.'' He praises in a whisper, burying himself all the way inside as he climaxes, pearly white and thick cum filling your insides, painting them a pretty color in what he hopes will finally be the time he gets you pregnant. Hopes, because he knows you're on birth control, and he knows he'll get made fun of if he ever suggests starting a family with you.

He slowly pulls out of you, tired body collapsing right next to you, holding you in his arms like you're made of glass, plump lips planting gentle kisses on your forehead, a total contrast to the man fucking you earlier.

''I love you.'' He confesses softly, the weight of the three words crushing him down every single time they come out of his lips no matter how many times he says them. Despite the lack of energy, you tilt your head, a teasing smile on your lips as you look up at him. He know that look too well, rolling his eyes and groaning in annoyance. You're definitely going to make him grow gray hairs before he even reaches 40.

[allwaswell16]

All the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in July 2024. You can listen to my podcast to hear me talk about each of these fics as well as an overview of what was posted on ao3 including the fics on this month’s fic roundup [ @1dmonthlyficroundup ] which you can find here! Please let the writers know if you liked the fics by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

Fanfictional Podcast #64 |  ko-fi | fic recs

- Louis/Harry -

🌊 don't be afraid to love (and love again) by localopa / @voulezloux

(T, 83k, trans Louis) the one where louis is trans and afraid, harry is cis and brave, and being 100% yourself is easier said than done.

🌊 The Things We Know To Be Wild by harryanthus_annuus / @harryanthus-annuus

(M, 39k, dragons) Louis is a London zoologist sent by the University of Highlands and Islands to assess the safety of the island of Eroda as part of the Wonder Seekers Project for sustainable tourism.

🌊 let me carry your weight by @soldouthaz

(E, 28k, trainer Harry) louis is fresh out of a bad relationship with someone who made him feel awful about how he looked. on his journey to better himself, he meets harry - the ridiculously attractive and fit personal trainer.

🌊 Rewriting the Melody by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(T, 26k, canon divergence) Louis doesn’t get put in One Direction. This time, the path to true love takes the long way round, including singing in toilet cubicles, fruit baskets, and long distance band counselling from someone who really doesn’t know what he’s doing, he just wants to keep talking to Harry.

🌊 Peeping by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 16k, roommates) Louis has a thing for his housemate, Harry is under the impression that clothing around the house is an optional extra, and neither of them seem to be able to stop wanking long enough to get their shit together and admit their true feelings.

🌊 It's halftime. Are you ready to go? by momentofclarity / @gaycousinlarry

(E, 12k, body worship) football is gay and Harry is trying to cope.

🌊 Be Mine? by @softfonds

(E, 12k, famous/not famous) Getting dumped the week before Valentine's Day wasn't in Harry's plans, and neither was being dragged to a concert to forget about it.

🌊 The Checkout by @silverstuff50

(E, 12k, omegaverse) Omega Harry is a bit obsessed with one of the workers at the small supermarket around the corner from his flat.

🌊 every day and tomorrow night by @justanothershadeofblue

(E, 8k, high school) “You know the rule, Z,” Harry answers, still not pulling his eyes away from this unexpected Adonis. “If I lick it, it’s mine.”

🌊 Standing On the Edge of Falling by therogueskimo / @bravetemptation

(NR, 5k, famous/not famous) It’s Harry’s first security gig, and somehow, he landed Glastonbury. Unfortunately, he’s been tasked with telling a very gorgeous man that he can’t stream the football match. Things go … much better than expected.

🌊 Body Stay Vicious by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

(E, 5k, pwp) the one where Harry is feeling himself in the gym and gets a little carried away. Of course his gym crush just happens to walk in. They work it out

🌊 Unspoken by Speechless / @smokingluckiesalltheway

(E, 5k, exes) Harry and Louis broke up when they were nineteen. They see each other after six years.

🌊 Figure This Out by @haztobegood

(E, 2k, age difference) Louis is everything Harry could have imagined when he’d typed “silver fox enthusiast” into his Grindr profile. Too bad he's probably scared Louis off by giving him too many expensive gifts.

🌊 sandwiches on the shady shore by @juliusschmidt

(T, 2k, summer romance) And then, because he’s already showed up embarrassingly early in the day and made Louis a cheese sandwich, he adds, “I wanted to.” Part 3 of Cabin on the Bluff

🌊 Irrumabo by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(E, 2k, sex pollen) Harry’s plane is delayed. He buys a plant.

🌊 coming home by @nouies

(E, 2k, canon Euros 2024) It’s coming home, one way or another.

🌊 Tastes Like Violets by @allwaswell16

(T, 2k, famous/famous) Louis has a death metal band, Harry doesn't mind public challenges via Twitter, and Lottie thinks they're both hopelessly chaotic.

🌊 It Was Electric Touch by @allwaswell16

(E, 2k, silver fox Louis) Harry, assistant to The Snuts' manager, has been indulging in fantasies about the headliner and founder of the Away From Home Festival, Louis Tomlinson. He gets the chance to indulge in the real thing at the after party.

🌊 If Life Is a Photograph by @allwaswell16

(T, 2k, famous/not famous) Harry gets plucked out of the crowd to take Louis’ crew pic on stage in Guadalajara.

🌊 For you i would lose my mind by @dreaminrainbows

(E, 1k, pwp) Louis is a total menace on stage and Harry has had enough of it

🌊 Salt On My Tongue by @homosociallyyours

(E, 649 words, incubus/witch) Harry is a witch who's been dabbling in summoning sex demons for a while now. He's become especially devoted to one incubus in particular, a blue eyed demon called Louis.

- Rare Pairs -

🌊 Four, Five, Finished? by @beanno28 , @lalalaartje

(E, 45k, Zayn/Louis/Harry) Now that they've all settled down in their relationship dynamic, Zayn, Harry and Louis agree it's time for the next step. They're having a baby! As usual for the three of them, nothing goes as planned. Part 3 of You Only Fall In Love Twice

🌊 Pay It Forward by @reminiscingintherain

(M, 3k, Zayn/Louis) Zayn's agreed to be a sperm donor for his lesbian friends. Louis' his best friend, and he supports Zayn's decision... right?

[flonbowe]

Yes I will still continue talking about Zokket despite a certain someone becoming common knowledge now thank you very much teehee Not attaching this onto my big analysis post tho, this is kinda unrelated But Zokket has an oddly interesting relationship with Bowser, and I wanna talk about that

So to get the obvious out of the way, Zokket remembers Bowser's name, he doesn't need to be reminded at all about him unlike the bros and even the Corps. Bowser is one of the only names Zokket bothers to remember, with the others being for involuntary and obvious reasons respectively, where as Bowser is of his own volition. Zokket only remembers those important to him, and or oney uses names when they have significance (EX: Him referring to the Corps by their proper names as he threatens them with Glohm, him putting the effort in to remember the Bros names as they finally become important before his boss fight) Now We don't see what Bowser is doing for most of Brothership, and when we finally meet him he's clearly been up to things, conquering Offandon, setting up shop on Wayaway, hunting for lost troops, there's clearly a side story we aren't seeing. Now, this part is baseless but it just makes sense. Zokket is an efficient person. He has precise numbers and plans in mind, and executes them with little to no error, even with us interfering. Hell, when we fight him he states the following

So With this in mind What was the Glohmatic Quad Ray for? Its never used again outside of one instance. Actually What are these for too?

These pincer cannons are only used in a cut scene and nothing more, never again seen. Well if the topic isn't obvious, its for Bowser. Bowser is the priority. For Zokket, Bowser through out 90% of brothership is the bigger priority between The Bros and him. Whatever Bowser has been doing off screen is so disruptive that Zokket has to focus a good chunk of resources onto stopping him. The Glohmatic Quad Ray in particular is a good glimpse at this, as for every Optional Boss we get a little scene between Zok Troops, and as they go on it becomes clear they were made to power up someone who was already strong, to become even stronger. These tests, Glohm Gobblick, Sharpcask and Pipegunk, were the precursors to Zokket's final goal of not just getting rid of Bowser. Now looping this all the way to why I described this as "baseless', why doesn't Zokket just, kill Bowser? He said himself he should have just destroyed the bros, was It just bluffing? Well I personally believe he did try, and failed, thus having to change his goals from "get rid of the thorn in my side" to "how can I direct this brute's wrath towards someone else as well as get rid of him?" Even without this slight leap from canon, Zokket clearly keeps Bowser in his mind And so does Bowser Bowser in the M&L series is a pretty simple guy (no disrespect, I fucking love Bowser in this series), he hates the bros, wants to rule the world yatayatayata. He will gladly put down whatever he's doing to try and beat the bros, this is consistent. What's also consistent in this series, is him carrying this same attitude towards other people who piss him off. So when Bowser, THE nemesis of the Mario Brothers, somewhat brushes them aside to get revenge on Zokket, you know shit's real. The only other time I can really remember Bowser having a similarly intense hate boner for someone was all the way back in Bowser's Inside Story

Which is honestly understandable from Bowser's perspective, this random bone masked guy is taking his minions, his son, HIM, and all while acting high and mighty and for some big dramatic goal? Bowser was ready to beat Midbus to a pulp on their first meeting just for talking funny, Zokket's dry manner of speaking for sure gets under Bowser's skin. Honestly there's a comparison to be made further with Fawful and Zokket in relation to Bowser, both are smarter more technological (and magically in some instances) gifted vs Bowser's raw brawn and bulky physique, both have shaky relationships with their goons vs Bowser's ride or die loyalty, both use Bowser's body for their schemes, and possible other connections. Apparently (I personally don't see It but I should mention it) Zokket and the Corps have a resemblance to Antasma, who also has an interesting deal with Bowser, so bonus points for that.

Not to mention Bowser still clinging onto Zokket when he's long gone, it paints such a fun dynamic that I wish was explored more than the crumbs that I have collected here. TL;DR: Bowser and Zokket fucking hate each other and yet also cannot stop thinking about each other and I demand the toxic yaoi now/hj