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kraaico · 2 years ago

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Where/how do you get the ideas to make these super cute art? I love art but I basically copy others and I wanna have my own style.

What a nice question!! I could honestly write a book about this, but for now I'll keep it condensed. (maybe uhhhh a blog post later or smthn) ....Sorry it's long anyway lol

These are my thoughts as an independent illustrator/artist that has the time and freedom to create what I wish, keep that in mind. I can't vouch for what it takes to get through art school or build a portfolio for <specific thing X> cause I don't know shit about that, this is just for creating art that you love making.

✨️Developing a style ✨️

A lot of people talk about 'finding your style', but I'm personally an advocate of developing a style - and most importantly it being a process that never stops. Now I don't know how old/experienced you are, but especially when you are just getting into art (and with 'just' I mean years) it'll change a lot because you will be improving a lot!

Now for me personally, I've been busy ~finding a style~ since I was 10. And up to like 2 years ago (I'm now 28) I was frustrated I just wasn't able to find one. Every half year or so I'd try to get back into art "for real this time", stick to one medium and general style and/or subject, and within a matter of weeks become frustrated and then not draw for a good while. That style-mentality really took a toll on the fun I had in making art, but also stunted my own artistic development. I was restricting myself at a stage where I should be everything BUT. I told myself I wasn't good enough, not cut out to be a professional, wouldn't be able to sell myself if I couldn't stick to one thing, yada yada. Great mentality. I'm now in therapy!

Anyway, what broke me free of that was a promise I made to myself back in 2020. I told myself I would get back into making art, but this time, just do what feels fun *at any given moment*. Let go of the pressure. I didn't post to socials and just shared with my friends, and eventually started posting to my then very humble Twitter following. I liked Twitter, cause there wasn't the pressure that Instagram always gave me of having to have a perfect feed. So I drew digitally, I drew with pencils, did some painting, got oil pastels, tried collage. And those experiments all influenced one or another. That's been key for me. If I feel like I hit a creative wall, I just try another medium or another CSP brush or another app on my tablet. Just experiment with lines and colors and not worry about what ends up there. (it's usually cats) Creating like this kept the fun in it for me and I've created nearly every single day since then, and that too is key to style development: Create A LOT. Don't hyperfocus on one perfect piece when you can also create 4 good-enough pieces in the same time.

Now on the topic of copying: it's a natural thing to do. Just be responsible about it! (don't share on socials if you blatantly copy something. While it's a good method to learn certain techniques, it's something that should stay in your private sketchbook) Also be sure to study from many different places, don't fixate on just a couple of artists! Find what inspires you in real life: be it buildings or nature or animals or people or objects, and try to capture them in different ways: from realistic to just the basic shapes. You'll find out what kind of style and level of detail you're naturally drawn to soon enough. Creating your own visual library in your mind by drawing many different things is ultimately what will allow you to put your ideas to paper in a quick and intuitive way. Having a (cheap!) sketchbook that you don't show anyone but just goof around in and explore everything and anything is a very helpful tool.

✨️ Generating ideas ✨️

I get my ideas from SO many different places. Many of my cat paintings were actually created to deal with a strong emotion or feeling I was having at the time.

Now externally, I get a lot of inspiration from nature and from the place I live in. I used to live in a fairly urbanized area, but it wasn't until I moved to the country side with wide and far views that I saw daily that I started getting interested in drawing landscapes. I didn't draw a lot of cats until they were chilling in my garden everyday. When I lived at home I drew a lot of fish, cause my dad had an aquarium. What you see and observe everyday matters. Taking your camera or phone on a walk in the neighborhood and capturing small details is a great way to gather inspiration, even if the area is a bit boring. I have a Fujifilm X100F that I try to carry to most places I go, cause I can quickly photograph things and I like it better than phone photography.

I also draw a lot of ideas from the media I consume: shows, movies, games, comics, music... Sometimes it just hits that inspiration button and lights a lil flame that'll turn into an idea. I love the magical worlds Studio Ghibli creates for example and the soothing calmness that games like Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley have. Things like that just work their way into my art, often subconsiously.

I also draw what I yearn for: be it a doodle of a comforting hot bowl of soup when I crave it, or a beach scene cause I want to go for a beach walk. It's fun, and lets me daydream a little about things I maybe cannot have in that moment.

Another big thing is worldbuilding and storytelling: I have this fictional world in my mind that I desperately want to get out, and it will, piece by piece.

So yeah. There's many places to grab inspiration from. Writing down what inspired you is useful. Doing it every year or so is too, cause then you'll start to see trends and get a better understanding of what drives you. Cause in the end that's what's most important, I think: Find the things that ignite a flame in you and then let it out in a way that is fun and comforting to you. Don't worry about what other people are making or that you're not making what you 'should' make!

I hope this was somewhat helpful - it was fun to write at least, I have many thoughts about this :')

#art #art process #art education #personal #ask #thoughts #learning artist #learn art #creativity #art style #illustration #infodump #tldr: have fun making what you wanna make #you're spending more time with your art than anyone else #better to make sure you're enjoying it #artists on tumblr #art resources

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crossleft · 2 days ago

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**VEILGUARD SPOILERS**

Finished the game last night and had some thoughts. Overall I really enjoyed it! Would definitely recommend playing it but it's also fun to nitpick lol.

Did my standard first run where I go in as blind as possible playing a dwarven warrior. Went with the Warden background because duh and it was really solid, seems like they referenced it a lot throughout so interested to see how other origins will go. Don't think I missed too too much but I know for sure I accidentally missed at least one mission when I saved Treviso too early...anyways:

As usual dwarves got the short end of the stick (hah punny). 18 codex entries to the 43 elven ones and roughly half were just letters and stuff from Lace to her mom, hell one of them was just about the basics of the fucking chantry! Seriously?? I romanced Lace so I don't mind the letters much but damn yall couldn't do more with the deep roads or with Kal-Sharok? Entire chunks of lore breezed over like nothing, and having the thaig and the titan only being one off missions where you can't even go back to the area was the cherry on top. Disappointed but unsurprised.

Liked the companions, overall no big complaints. Up until the end where you find out he's dead the whole Varric always being in bed and not super upset about Bianca being destroyed thing definitely threw me off so that was a big surprise.

Taash was fun think I'll romance them next play through but acting like Qunari are weird about gender after very specifically having Bull say it's no big deal was a bizarre writing choice.

I liked it but Laces romance felt a little underwhelming, curious to how it'll stack up to the others.

Davrin/Assan and Lucanis/Spite were perfect no notes on them, keep up the good work lol.

Bellara felt kinda like they were trying to redo Merrill, which like...ok...then why not just bring back Merrill at that point? And the stuff with her brother felt very paint by numbers. She felt underwritten I guess idk.

Emmerich was a fun surprise since I went in blind I was expecting a standard evil/gloomy necromancer but he ended up being one of my favorite characters. Went the Lich route out of curiosity but haaaate that Fred got killed, for sure keeping him around next time.

Neve grew on me a little by the end but she was overall my least favorite. Felt like someone's OC getting shoehorned in with a bunch of cannon characters. Like the entire first half of the game she and other companions will allude to cases and interesting sounding stories but never expound on them. Every time Rook talks to her she's like "oh it's a long story, maybe I'll tell you some day 😏" then proceeds to never tell it lmao. Maybe it's alluding to comics or something I haven't seen but again, coming in blind it just made her a very boring 2D character outside of the eventual romance with Lucanis which I liked a lot.

Gameplay reminded me a lot of ME3 but with swords. Pretty low bar but as far as a dragon age game goes I'd argue it was easily the best combat in the series.

Leveling system was fine, nothing inspiring. Not the biggest fan of the companion leveling but being able to respec easily with no cost balanced it out.

Inventory was great, massive improvement over all the prior games. I really liked how stuff levels itself up and being able to change appearances easily and early was awesome. Wish you could do a little more with companion armor but that's not really a big deal and they all had decently broad options.

Was worried about only having 2 party members but it worked pretty well I thought. Between that and the bond system it does a good job encouraging swapping them out more. Felt like a lot more ambient dialog too which was a good touch.

Crows retconning into basically a mob family was...a choice. I kind of get it though and imo you can headcannon them being so different as chalked up to Zev having come in and made big changes over the years. Is what it is.

Was initially kinda pissed about the loss of prior choices but having played it now I think they did ok. Bringing the inquisitor in and getting their letters still made it feel like those choices mattered. And like in game it's been years and it all happened in other countries, it makes sense for a lot of that to be old news that most people don't discuss especially given the drama of their own current events. Would have still been nice to get a few codex entries at least.

Bringing Morrigan back felt like a bad choice to me. She's my cannon origins romance and they changed her up a bit too much post inquisition. Like where is Kieren? Where is the HoF? She doesn't mention them and nobody asks?? Just weird. Hot take but her taking Mythal's knowledge made perfect sense for her character, she always sought knowledge like that and her main objection with Flemmeth was that she would be taken over. So now she gets the knowledge and also keeps her mind, classic Morrigan work around imo.

Didn't like the direction they went with the Antaam. Had potential but making them all faceless with super deep voices felt overly dehumanizing. And them going in with elven gods made zero sense at all, like their leadership doing it secretly sure but there at the end why the hell would those footsoldiers follow them like that when they are so distrustful of magic?

Loooooved the Wardens but what's with the changes to the blight? My headcannon is the gods have made it more directed so that's why it's not infecting people so indiscriminately. But based on prior knowledge literally every non Warden character and most npc should be dead or darkspawn waaay before the end of the game. Doesn't feel like they explained it very well. Digging the new darkspawn look though, best appearance change since Origins.

Dorian, Isabella, and Solas felt very in character, no big notes on them.

Hawke not being mentioned unfortunately makes sense to me. They were pretty important 20 years ago in one city on the other side of the continent. Think of it like this, without looking it up who was the mayor of the next city over from you in 2004? They were important but why would you bring them up now decades later to people who have no way of knowing them, even if you were buds with them back then. Varric is the only one who might but he's kinda dead the entire game so again makes sense you don't hear about Hawke

Gifts are back! :) wish there was more than 1 per companion I'm trying to redecorate yalls rooms lol.

Why are there random Wardens telling everyone about the joining????? Just casually too like what the hell yall this is supposed to be secret and you're saying "wow this shitty ale reminds me of the joining where I drank darkspawn blood magically enhanced with archdemon blood" BRO??? SHUT UP this shit is top secret what the fuck???

Liked the redesign on spirits with the sole caviat that I liked rage demons as sentient lava...them having legs feels weird

Super minor gripe but why is the special dwarf armor just like form fitting stone abs now??? The bad ass blocky tank look was so cool! The elven armor having form fitting feet and stuff fits the culture why would dwarves do that? Wouldn't know since there's barely any lore on Kal-Sharok 🙃

Kal-Sharok being set up as this mysterious, secluded, hyper competent thaig where they likely formed their own society of impromptu Wardens cut off from Thedas for hundreds of years was fascinating. They expounded on this precisely not at all....bro why. EVERY thaig gone but them and traditional Orzammar and they only survived because they changed! Seemingly still in touch with Titans, was this only since Valta connected or sooner?? Such a cool story and they didn't do shit with it? After 10 years!? Losing my mind dude they just refuse to do anything with this lore and it's so fucking frustrating.

Aaaaanywho starting a second playthrough. Going with a rouge elf shadow dragon, gonna romance Taash. Probably do a qunari mage next playthrough but we'll see. Curious to see anyone else's thoughts but mostly this is to vent mine.

#dragon age #datv #datv spoilers #dragon age the veilguard #spoilers

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sheliesshattered · 1 year ago

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The shoulder seams on the RRD cosplay are being a bit fussy, so I decided to just put the dress on and clamp the seams closed in the mirror. And since I basted in a temporary zipper at center back (which will eventually be replaced with grommets and lacings) I was able to double check the fit as well. Please forgive the silly mirror pic, but I'm just so pleased with how it's looking, I had to share.

Even though the shoulder seams are only a couple of inches long, they're going to be one of the more difficult seams in the whole project. The fabric has been continuing to fray as I work with it, even with the staystitching -- as can been seen along the bottom edge of the skirt there, too. I cut the skirt a little longer than I needed it knowing that it would fray, and yesterday I gave it a new line of zig-zagged staystitching to hopefully keep it from getting any shorter. I still have plenty of room for the hem, but I'd like to keep it that way.

The shoulders have lost less overall length to fraying, but they're kind of a muddled mess vs how crisp and clear they were when I cut out the fabric. Clamping them gave me an idea of where the seam should be, and I think I'm just going to baste each shoulder seam in by hand, maybe using my muslin mockup as a reference point, then try it on again and make sure it's right before machine sewing the shoulders. It's less than 6" total of shoulder seam, but it's probably going to take most of the weekend, ugh.

On the bright side, I don't need to change the fit of the dress at all (hurrah for fitting during the mock-up phase!) and the fraying hasn't progressed to the point of needing to re-cut anything. I'd much prefer slow, fiddly progress than having to unpick seams and re-do whole panels or any of the other possibilities I was stressing over when I couldn't sleep last night, lol.

I tried on the necklace with the dress just to see, and the neckline is definitely still a bit too high, but I'll fiddle with that once the shoulder seams are finalized. And too high is way easier to deal with than too low, especially with all the fraying going on.

Yesterday I figured out how I want to finish the inside of the sleeve seams and got started on that handsewing. It's going to take awhile, but it'll be worth it, I think. When I first tried on the lined sleeve, I was a bit worried that I'd cut them too small, especially at the elbow. But on closer inspection it's really just an issue of the silk organza standing straight up inside the sleeve, poking me in the arm and taking up extra room. Once that's felled down, I think it'll fit much better, and be significantly less itchy.

For the dress itself, I think the order of operations will be to get the shoulder seams figured out and finished, then face the armscyes, then face the neckline, lowering each as necessary. I can't really start figuring out placement for the grommets until those edges are finished, and possibly the neckline trim applied too. And I can't put the neckline trim on until the narrow seam-line trim is applied, at least the bits that go up over the shoulders. So really I may have the temporary zipper basted in for quite awhile, but that back opening is all faced and finished, so there's no worries about fraying there, at least.

14 weeks plus one weekend until I need to pack up for Dragon Con, but work weirdness allowed me to get a lot more done this week than I have in previous weeks. Even with lots of handsewing ahead of me, and the fiddly shoulder seams first up, I'm hoping I can keep along at this pace of steady, noticeable progress.

#Rhaenyra's red dress #RRD cosplay #my cosplay #my sewing #Dragon Con 2023 #Rhaenyra cosplay #Rhaenyra Targaryen cosplay #House of the Dragon cosplay #HotD cosplay #I've been trying to keep this project out of those tags until it actually LOOKED like something but I think it's really getting there #check out the first tag to see the dress I'm recreating #still a lot of detail work to go but I'm really thrilled with how much it looks like the original already

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peachesvanilla · 1 year ago

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Hello! I just saw you mention you struggle writing recently, and I totally feel the struggle of a writers' block. I also cannot always address it well (ADHD certainly not helping). But there are some things that did help me in the past and maybe some will actually be of use for you too:

Scheduling writing time as another daily activity. I always do it around 9 - 10 PM, after I wrap up everything else for the day. It was useless at first but after some time it actually conditioned my brain to become more productive specifically at that time.

So this one sounds silly, but I once did "creativity yoga" practice I found on YouTube and it actually helped. It may have been a placebo effect but it did "refresh" my brain in some way.

Instead of writing something new, sometimes it is cool to go back to some old drafts and try to milk them. It's often a bit easier when you have the idea and context ready.

Change the font you're writing in. For some reason my brain works better if I have a font I like... Also apparently comic sans boosts creativity LOL

Allow yourself to write stuff you usually wouldn't. Be it bad quality, something short without context, or something completely ethically dubious that you wouldn't admit you want to write. Sometimes you feel like you should write something and it blocks you from writing what you actually want to write. It's worth trying to identify, if that makes sense.

So um... These may be useful or they may not be useful at all, but either way I wish you all the best. Maybe not now, but it'll always eventually come back to you, so don't worry about it too much ❤️

I'm SO grateful to you for sending this. I'll try to follow these and hopefully get something out of it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

#ask

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rev3rb · 2 years ago

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Hi, it’s me again. Now we’re really getting somewhere!!! New info about the progenitors’ origins, about angels on other planets, and about their purpose overall. Plus them obviously pointing at the parallels between the plagues & punishments The First and Guren both dealt with. History is obviously repeating itself which makes me really curious about their God’s motives. Particularly bc they haven’t done anything about the plague that’s so lethal to all their subjects. Bc seriously, HALF of them are gonna die?!?! And this has always been a problem left unaddressed 🤨 Perhaps the chp title is a clue. Ik Yuu wondered if they were in Hell, but to me it matches better with the idea of Purgatory.

There was a lot of good stuff, I think one of my favorite aspects was seeing more of Urd and Saito together. Them being paralleled with Yuu and Mika was great. I also enjoyed how trippy it was to see all the angels act so adoring towards The First. Truly, my only complaint is that it’s gonna be a bit difficult if we need to remember all the different names for the angels/progenitors lol

Hello Anon!

Yes! After all this waiting we're finally getting somewhere significant! I'm just hoping that it keeps up and we don't take another multipage "Yu needs to eat to replenish his energy" break soon. It can be nice to be "realistic" like that, but it'd just be an annoying detour if it happens.

Oh, I really adore how history is repeating itself because that sort of thing has been present throughout the series, just less obviously. Everyone has been constantly making the same mistakes, and I've always felt like OnS's story has been about breaking that cycle of similar mistakes. I believe I've talked about it before but Yu and Guren are very obviously meant to parallel each other, and Yu is (most likely) supposed to succeed where Guren failed. The fact that Guren is now being compared to The First is wild. Never thought that would be the case. It's actually really interesting.

The plague. See, I'm wondering if The First didn't somehow do something about it. After all, while most of them are demons, it's worth pointing that that everyone shown is still alive today. Maybe turning them into vampires/demons was how he saved them. I kind of doubt it and think it's part of a step in The First's plan instead, but who knows? This does make me wonder though, nothing the characters we saw in the flashback have ever made any indication that they remember stuff this far back. It makes me wonder if they just don't remember, either as a result of being turned into vampires or bc The First didn't let them remember.

While I do agree with you in the whole "this seems more like Purgatory than Hell", it is worth mentioning that, as far as I remember (my knowledge is admittedly limited), Purgatory is meant to be something you can eventually leave once your sins are atoned for. I don't really think there's any atoning going on here. The First is committing a "sin" and is willing to be punished eternally for that. But yes, I think the idea is supposed to be Purgatory since the chapter title is that.

So happy we got to see more of Urd and Saito together! Their dynamic ended up being really interesting, and it was nice to see that, at least before Saito left Urd, it hadn't really changed all that much between what we saw here and when they were both vampires. As for the name thing, I don't think we'll really have to worry about it since Mika and Yu don't seem to know those angel names. If anything it'll likely just be used in passing since really, we're taking Mika and Yu's perspective on things for the most part, so what they call characters will be more at the forefront.

Thank you yet again for your ask! Things are picking up and I hope we continue on this path! It seems like we're getting closer to figuring out what Yu really is and what's going on.

#Owari no Seraph #Owari no Seraph 126 #Owari no Seraph 126 spoilers #Anonysis asks #My posts #I didn't mention it anywhere here since it wasn't brought up #but I'm still not over the literal building a tower to the sun thing #I get it's a common... image? idea? but I just #wasn't ready for it

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simplylove101 · 18 days ago

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2024 Horror Challenge: [71/?]

↳“Why are you doing this?“ "Because you let me." Speak No Evil (2022) dir. Christian Tafdrup

Plot: A Danish family visits a Dutch family they met on a holiday. What was supposed to be an idyllic weekend slowly starts unraveling as the Danes try to stay polite in the face of unpleasantness.

Starring: Morten Burian, Sidsel Siem Koch, Fedja van Huêt, Karina Smulders, Liva Forsberg & Marius Damslev

I've been meaning to watch this one for a while and I've been considering whether to watch the remake as well but it didn't feel right if I didn't at least see this one first so here we are. I needed to understand why they would feel the need to remake a movie that is only 2 years old beyond the sake of a cash grab situation. Now, I won't be able to have an answer until I after I watch the remake later on today (I want a little time between so it's not too fresh in my mind but just enough I can call out the obvious parallels I'm sure will be in there) but I'm hoping there will be some changes in the story a bit. Just because I really need these production companies to understand one thing - remakes/sequels, they should at least attempt to bring something new to the narrative in some way so that there's value in exploring it more. Anyway, about the actual movie, I enjoyed it, at least I think. lol That almost feels like a weird thing to say because it is sooo tense. It's very much a slowburn so a lot of it is just this sense of dread that something is gonna happen eventually but you don't know what. I'm sure it'll be a little too slow for some people, which I can understand, but it had me for most of it. I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable for the Danish couple being such fish out of water with the Dutch pair, which you know is very much the intention. And then it takes that turn in the end and I was like, wow, talk about bleak. I appreciated that there was a social commentary going on with the narrative. Even as an American, I could understand what was going on with that. I am curious how they handle that aspect in the remake since I did see that was one of the things people worried about. I did also notice it has a slightly higher IMDB rating than the original so maybe they did a good job with it after all. Like I said, we'll see. Overall, I thought this one was pretty good. Worth the watch imo.

#speak no evil 2022 #horrorchallenge2024

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wetbloodworm · 9 months ago

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i'll be able to consistently think of oc stuff other than merripen some day, but not today, and i'm getting my serotonin where i can fucking get it rn lol

thinking about how merri didn't quite learn the right lesson as he started considering leaving the garden, and how being raised with those beliefs + not working too hard to deconstruct them means he hasn't fully removed himself from that mindset

the main thing that he DID learn is 'i don't want to die, death isn't as appealing and good and beautiful as i've been told, there is more to life than my eventual death, i want to live'. this extended somewhat to 'death isn't inherently good and beautiful for EVERYONE' but like. it's complicated

so like, part of the problem is the garden teaches that killing is a mercy, a kindness, an obligation, but not one that most people will recognize as such. it's a 'we know better than you' kind of thing. so gardeners know that people generally don't want to die, they're just misguided. so merri already knows that the people he's been killing didn't want to die, he just was taught to believe that he was doing it for their own good regardless.

or, well. we come to another part of the problem. for merri, it was less 'i'm doing this for the people im killing because i care about them' and more 'i'm doing this because it's what i was taught and this is the reasoning i was given'. there wasn't as much of a compassionate element to it for him. so when he started questioning his beliefs, he decided that killing people generally ISN'T what's best for them, but like. that part didn't bother him. he didn't suddenly feel guilty about his past murders. he just didn't agree with the reasoning anymore. it's HIS death he's worried about, and the death of his loved ones.

so that's why merri leaves the garden but continues working as an assassin. it's what he knows, and what he's good at. he's not... necessarily malicious, it's just a job for him. maybe he'll find he likes something better down the line and switch to that instead, but for now, if he needs money, he knows what work he's looking for first. and i say he's not malicious but he's certainly not compassionate still, for the most part. he humanizes his targets even less now, on top of acknowledging that he is actively doing them a disservice rather than a kindness. he knows he's doing a bad thing now, he just doesn't really care.

it's weird how being taught not to care if people don't to die leaves you not caring if people don't want to die, regardless of any reasoning behind it.

outside specifically the act of killing people, cruelty or causing pain is generally frowned upon by the garden. some sects of it, anyway. if necessary, yeah, do it, it'll only be temporary, but they're not there to cause pain, they're supposed to end it. merri's community discouraged causing pain for the most part but also like, pain in life is inevitable and strengthens the argument that death is a mercy, so it CAN be a tool for opening people's eyes. merri himself wasn't in the converting business, so he was mostly taught to be quick and clean, unless the job he took requested otherwise and the client wouldn't budge on that. merri doesn't get satisfaction from hurting people necessarily, he just doesn't care if he does, so that's not something he looks to change up after leaving the garden. mostly, anyway: with less of an established assassin presence in his old neighboring city, murder jobs aren't QUITE as easy to find, so merri opens himself up to some more crime like theft, or like. go threaten this person or send a message or whatever. he doesn't LOVE those but it's whatever.

he can KINDA care about other people's lives sometimes, as he starts to value his own life more and looks to others for examples of what makes a life worth living, or sees things he values in others. mostly when other people are in distress or danger he waves it off as not his problem, but if he's gotten involved somehow or has learned enough about the person to like them at all, or if they just pass his vibe check, or if he's the only one who can help and is being directly asked, he feels VERY reluctantly obligated to at least speak up. he doesn't tend to try very hard to help most of the time, but y’know. he feels like this is an improvement on the Good scale. gives a shit some of the time. gold star.

he wasn't raised to think about things that improve or worsen a life, so the idea tends to fly right by him. yes x action could ruin's someone life but he was raised to think lives are worthless if they're not dedicated to the cause so he gotta fucking TRY to get there himself

an example of merri not fully moving away from old beliefs is somewhat seeing death as a mercy. he's more likely to go straight to 'put them out of their misery' vs 'take the steps to non-fatally help them'. forgets sometimes that potions and healers exist. he sees someone terribly sick in bed and his brain is immediately telling him to kill them about it. a person lost their spouse and can't imagine living without them, merri's instinct is to pull out a knife. This Will Help. he mostly only ignores those thoughts because it's not his business to end suffering anymore. someone else can kill them. (or HELP THEM mer that is ALSO AN OPTION) sometimes he feels genuine sympathy and gets the murder thoughts and considers them a little harder. i'm actually feeling the inclination to be kind right now, how likely are they to recognize that

he also feels the need to correct people about how they talk about the gardeners and their beliefs, if they know about them. people so often get the whole situation wrong. merri is already starting to explain how the killing isn't a sadistic thing, it's compassionate, before he remembers that's not his thing anymore. refers to the group as 'we' before correcting to 'they' halfway through the next sentence.

#merripen tag

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myherowritings · 5 years ago

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in the mits of everyone freaking out, I'm just wondering why Shinsou's contact name is Shinsou (youtube) does Y/N know like,,, o t h e r shinsou's??? which needs the specifications?

LMFSKFGO NO, she doesn’t know other shinsous 💀😂 that’s just how i write ppl’s contacts when i first get their number?? like for a good year, my roommates (who i’m super close to and love a lot) were “____ (roommate)” on my phone 💀and for class friends it’s like “_____ (law101)” or smthn,,

and so shinsou = “shinsou (youtube)” shsjkskff i thought that was normal 🤡

#fic chats with sof #you suck at gaming #don't worry it'll change eventually...maybe LOL

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because-of-a-friend · 3 years ago

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Seventeen Reaction: You Suddenly Being Shy

MASTERLIST

Thanks for the request anon! Hope you like it!!!!

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL

He thinks is the cutest thing in the world and he also cannot believe he has that kind of sway over you. He's like????? They're shy around me?????? He'll do a lot of cute little things to try and get you to relax around him and be more comfortable being yourself around him. When you're not super close, he'll do random things to make himself look ridiculous so if he's intimidating to you at all, he seems less so. Then as you grow more comfortable with each other, anytime he notices you becoming quiet he'll do something like plucking your chin or some other cute gesture that he knows you'll have some sort of witty comeback for. He appreciates and adores both sides of you, but always wants to make sure you feel comfortable around him.

YOON JEONGHAN

Jeonghan will likely match your energy depending on how you're feeling. But he does have a habit of challenging your more sarcastic side because he tends to talk quite bluntly, so he thinks those conversations are more fun. He honestly has a lot of fun figuring out how to push your buttons until you two are ceaselessly teasing each other. He'll leave you be if it really seems like you're not up to it and respects when you're more quiet. He can always easily go with the flow depending on your mood.

JOSHUA HONG

Josh tends to also get shy around new people or one on one with people he doesn't know that well or in other moments he's not prepared for. So if you suddenly get shy, it'll probably trigger his shyness as well. He'll suddenly be unsure of what to say or where to look or how to act. Moments between you and Joshua tend to be very sweet and lighthearted since both of you are very careful towards each other. Any sort of friendship/relationship with each other with each other will progress slowly because it takes you two awhile to fully open up to each other. But it means that you two also eventually feel very comfortable around each other since you spent so much time building up trust.

WEN JUNHUI

He probably hates this lol. Not because of you but because he just can't stand awkward silence and puts all the pressure on himself to fix it. He also doesn't really get it????? Like you were fine around him when you were hanging out with other members or friends????? He watched you roast Wonwoo with no hesitation earlier???? But now that it's just you and him you're so shy?????? Get ready for chaotic Jun because he's going to be pulling all of the punches to get you to laugh again. Honestly when there's an awkward silence he can't really help but keep talking to fill it in, so you might learn a lot more about Jun in five minutes than you thought you would in years lol.

KWON SOONYOUNG

(Sorry for using such a big gif but he really is the prettiest man on earth omfg)

Might also be a little awkward when you suddenly get shy. He worries that he said something to offend you or that maybe you don't like him. So he tends to approach you carefully when he notices that you're shy around him to make sure that you two are on good terms. He'll actually make an effort to talk more quietly around you and try to sit really still and not make any sudden big movements so he doesn't catch you off guard or upset you. He tries to be as polite as possible and will make a real effort to start enjoyable conversations. Probably asks other people stuff like what movies you like or what songs you listen to so he has something to talk to you about when he sees you.

JEON WONWOO

Pls this is his worst nightmare. He's not confident in handling social situations so when you suddenly get quiet around him, he has no idea what to do. He'll awkwardly blurt out some random questions and cringe inwardly every time it doesn't lead to an actual conversation. He'll wonder what's up since you seemed so confident around other people. Like Soonyoung, he'll worry over you not liking him for some reason. He'll probably actually end up pulling back and letting you approach him in the future so any contact between you two can be on your terms so he knows you're comfortable.

LEE JIHOON

May not fully notice. Jihoon tends to be off in his own world anyways so your mood change around him may fly right over his head. He's not always conscious of people's behaviors and changes in them because of his tendency to zone out. Honestly it's sort of a relief. If you're feeling a little more nervous as you spend one on one time with him, it's almost nice that he seems to continue on with business as usual. It's nice that he won't really point it out or make a big deal of it. He's usually pretty gentle during conversation anyways so it's not like there's anything he's doing to be intimidating. If he notices you being shy, he might get a little shy as well, but he'll do anything he can to make you comfortable and get on your good side.

LEE SEOKMIN

Seokmin is such a people pleaser so you suddenly going quiet is going to be a problem for him. He needs you to like him so much. He's going to figure out what makes you feel the most comfortable around him. Do you want him to take the lead in conversations? Would you prefer he back off a little? Do you like it when he's joking? More serious? He'll test the waters and feel out what brings back your more confident side so he can tell what makes you more comfortable around him. He'll navigate every conversation with care so you'll enjoy talking with him.

KIM MINGYU

Also the type to kind of slip up when this happens. He doesn't know how to continue when you suddenly get shy around him. It highkey gives him butterflies, he thinks it's so cute. So then he's shy around you, leading to him doing awkward things, all while he's trying to help you feel less shy around him. He's a giggling/blushing mess around you 24/7, which definitely helps him seem less intimidating. But he very much genuinely wants you to feel comfortable around him so he'll always be as kind and friendly as possible.

[A/N: So Tumblr has suddenly decided I can only add ten imagines to each post even tho up until now, I was able to add gifs for all thirteen members. Soooo I was wondering if you guys preferred for me to either separate maknae line and hyung line for reactions, or if you want me to leave gifs out and have all members in one post for reactions, or if y'all want to do it by request??? Until I get a good read on what y'all want I'm just gonna cut the gifs are where I have to lol. Please let me know what y'all want me to do!!!!]

XU MYUNGHO

Myungho takes this in a silent stride. When he notices you suddenly get shy around him, he'll just sort of quietly take note of it. He'll try to encourage your usual sarcastic side to make sure you know he's comfortable with it. If it doesn't seem like it's working, he'll back off and try to take things slow and gentle with you until you feel more comfortable around him one on one. He'd never admit it but he is ecstatic when your sarcastic side starts to show. Any biting remark you have for him is met with a smirk and an equally biting remark. He's fine when you're more shy but he'll feel uneasy himself until you're comfortable around him.

BOO SEUNGKWAN

Seungkwan will have an "oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no" moment when he realizes you're suddenly shy around him. He also wants everyone to like him and be happy around him. He will also wonder if he did something to offend you and be incredibly nervous and unhappy until you're comfortable around him again. He's constantly hesitant when approaching you and then as conversation progresses, he'll pull out the big guns with his humor to get you laughing and hopefully back to your normal self.

VERNON CHWE

This may also go over his head. Vernon isn't always super in tune with the people around him just depending on what's going in his head. He also usually lets the people around him lead conversations anyways, so he'll just follow your vibes conversation to conversation. When you're shy he'll just speak to you casually and keep it light. When your more sarcastic side shows, he'll vamp it up and match your energy (although with him, he'll use sarcasm as a way to casually flirt for sure lol). But overall it's hardly even noticeable to him.

LEE CHAN

Dino probably also gets shy when you get shy. He may not notice your change at first but as soon as he does he just goes "oooooooooh" and then backs way off. He's the type to awkwardly laugh every other sentence when speaking to you, desperate to make sure the conversation feels light and happy. He's not really the best at navigating meeting new people and learning how to connect with them specifically. He's happy to try anything and everything to help you feel more at ease around him, though.

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ayatoscupid · 2 years ago

Text

the camellia forms ripples on still waters

xueyato (xue yin (oc) x ayato) | 5k words | pre-established, retrospective, no warnings

note: xue yin is not a self-insert, but an oc (and a rom f/o!). he's ayato's secretary, and an adeptus. intro post to him here!

a/n: a look into how xueyato's relationship develops, set during preparations for irodori festival. this is the first work i ever wrote for this pair, and months later i still love it. so i hope you enjoy! also there's a part 2 that i'll post eventually lol. :p

Xue Yin emerges from his quarters just as the sun peeks between the clouds, making the flowers outside the Kamisato estate glisten with morning dew. It had been raining all night, though nothing like the rolling thunder and pelter of rain he's become used to during his stay in Inazuma. Rather, it was a light shower that served as background music to help Xue Yin sleep better after his eventful and eye-opening week. He had spent the past couple of days with the traveller from beyond, urging them to accompany him during festival preparations. What started off as a friendly hangout turned into a somewhat catharsis from his long withheld yearning. His yearning to come back home, to see his sister again.

It embarrassed him to let his emotions out, to say the least. He had only intended to show the traveller the ropes of the trade, to teach them a couple of things they could take on their journey. How to negotiate, how to persuade and reel their bait in. But the traveller was so kind and earnest when they had told him what they wished for at Amakane Island that he couldn't help but open up his heart a little, letting them catch a glimpse of his longing under the everblooming cherry blossom trees.

"I'm sure she misses you too," the traveller had signed, smile sincere, "And she would want to know how you've been."

"Yeah!" Paimon agreed, giving a vigorous nod of her own. "And now that the borders are opening up, maybe you can visit again!"

Xue Yin had finally come to the conclusion back at the Yashiro estate that he might return home, once the festivities have wrapped up. That even though it scared him to face Liyue after all the changes it's gone through without him, nothing will make him happier than seeing it again.

"Will you miss Inazuma?" The traveller asked, and the question made Xue Yin go quiet, staring out into the ocean to contemplate. With all the emotions running through his head just from that simple question, his answer was obvious.

"More than anything."

——————————

"Ah, Xue Yin."

Xue Yin smiles when he opens the doors, unsurprised to see Ayato already awake, tending to the papers at his desk. From the looks of it—the slight ruffle of his hair, the faintest of dark circles under his eyes, the way he's fiddling with his pen—he probably only slept for a couple of hours. While to any other onlooker, Ayato looks as pristine as ever, Xue Yin isn't just anyone. From the eight years he's worked with the Kamisato clan, Ayato in particular, he knows him like the back of his hand.

"Good morning, my lord." He says, bowing his head in greeting. "It'll be sunny out today, despite the rain that fell last night. You should be safe to go between meetings without an umbrella, but I advise you to take care walking around puddles. …And to take an umbrella nonetheless. Don't worry, I'll remind you in case you forget again."

Ayato laughs goodnaturedly, and anyone would think nothing of it—maybe they'd indulge in it a little, the lightness in his voice so rarely heard that only Ayaka, Thoma and Xue Yin have. But Xue Yin notices the edge in his voice, the slight shake of his hands, and frowns in worry. The festival preparations have been going smoothly, and everything seems to be falling into place. What could be bothering him?

"You seem on edge, my lord." He's not afraid to point out, walking over to sit on the other side of Ayato's table. He, again, notices Ayato pointedly looking away from him, the grip on his pen tightening as he tries to concentrate on the paper in front of him. "If there's anything that's not up to your expectations, I'll go out and have it fixed as soon as—"

"No." Ayato says abruptly, sitting up and looking startled at himself for interrupting. Through the worry, Xue Yin smiles fondly. It's always cute whenever Ayato becomes less composed than he usually is. "It's..."

But Xue Yin has a feeling he already knows what Ayato wants. "If you need, I can stay with you to work through our errands today."

Ayato looks up, embarrassment obvious in the tinge of pink on the tips of his ears, and Xue Yin has to bite back a laugh. As calculated as Ayato may be, always two steps ahead of everyone, Xue Yin is but a mere one step behind, making it much easier for him to fall into the same stride as him. All he needs to do is to step forward first.

"...Yes." Ayato chuckles. Xue Yin notices his hands have stopped shaking. "That's what I had planned for you."

"Then how could I say no, my lord?" Xue Yin laughs. "You need only ask if you want me to stay."

He stands up to fetch his own pen case from his room, and once far enough, doesn't notice Ayato's expression dimming, looking back down at his paper with a mumble.

"…I see…"

——————————

Paimon had asked Xue Yin during their time together why he was working for Ayato despite being an adeptus, and his answer was simple. Xue Yin has always been the type to repay people with his trust whenever they save him in times of need. His sister used to tease him for it, claiming he was always so quick to fall. Xue Yin would always say he just had the intuition, the ability to see people's intentions, and that there are more good people in the world than everyone seems to think. Ayato, of course, was no exception.

Xue Yin usually had no trouble traversing through the lands of Inazuma. He'd been to the nation close to a hundred times, having seen its changes (or lately, lack thereof) during the millennia he's travelled around Teyvat. But this particular visit was problematic—nothing seemed to go his way, not with all the thunderstorms and trouble stirring not only outside of Narukami Island. It seemed that treasure hoarders, Nobushi and the like had set camp between the city and towns as well. Usually, Xue Yin would wipe them out with a flick of his wrist, but his fatigue was proving to take a toll on him, and on this particular rainy night nine years ago, he had no choice but to skid left and sprint into Chinju Forest to rid the treasure hoarders at his trail.

He had lost them by the time he made it out, probably due to the pranks the bake-danuki decided to pull on them. He'd been in this forest enough times to not be fooled by those pesky creatures anymore. But no thanks to this detour, Xue Yin found himself on his last legs. He had planned to go to his accommodation in the city, but it was already dark, and his feet could no longer take him further than a mile. So Xue Yin hobbled over to the nearest shelter, his vision growing blurry as exhaustion surrounded him like a weighted blanket.

He had then woken up under one, the sun already high enough to blind his eyes as he sat up, trying to recognise his surroundings. Who saved him?

A man with blond hair slid the door open then and almost startled to see Xue Yin awake, careful to not jostle the tray in his hands. "Oh! You're awake." He had smiled, quickly regaining composure as he set the tray down next to him. "My lord found you just outside the estate last night, and you looked worse for wear, so he had you taken in. Luckily, you seem to be fine. I'm Thoma. You're currently in the Kamisato estate."

"So, that's it?" Paimon asked when he retold the story, a bewildered look on her face. "You became his secretary because he saved you once?"

"It wasn't just that, of course." Xue Yin had laughed, a particular softness in his expression that Paimon and the traveller side eyed each other for. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. "I heard whispers after I left the estate. It was almost the previous clan head's death anniversary then. All of these mumbles between the townspeople about how sorry they felt for Ayato, and how he had the whole clan's future resting on his shoulders. And yet he saved me and took me in."

Xue Yin sighed, looking out on the cliffside of Amakane Island to Inazuma city. "Thoma told me I could leave after breakfast, so I did. But I bumped into Ayato on my way out. Of course, I had to say my gratitude. He seemed tired, but so… earnest. Genuine and headstrong. I could feel the determination within him even in those brief seconds and upon hearing what had happened to him, I knew."

"Knew what?" The traveller asked, and Xue Yin laughed behind his hand.

"I'm sure you already know, dear." He winked, but nevertheless looked back out to the city lights, the yearning in his eyes hard to ignore. "I knew he was going to make it work, and I wanted to stand beside him to see him prosper."

——————————

"You tell me to stay beside you for work today, but I was hoping you would let me join your meeting with Lady Guuji, my lord." Xue Yin teases with ease as Ayato steps out of Uyuu Restaurant. Miko laughs behind her hand, mirth in her eyes, no doubt at hearing the Kamisato clan head being lightly jabbed. "I assume the meeting was more amicable than usual?"

"Your lord was slightly more agreeable today." Miko plays along, even though Xue Yin is sure they both sense the slight exasperation in Ayato's polite smile. "Have you finally managed to tame him?"

"I believe I wouldn't know how, even if I wanted to." Xue Yin chuckles, resisting the urge to beam when he feels Ayato squinting at him. "But it's alright, I think he's best this way."

"Ever the faithful secretary, hm." Miko sighs dramatically. "Shame, I can't help but feel jealous that your loyalty isn't directed towards me. You would fit right in with the Yae Publishing House."

"Well, I suppose that's just too bad, isn't it?" Ayato interjects, a little more bristled than usual as he slides an arm around Xue Yin's waist, making the other freeze for a second too long. Xue Yin carefully regains his composure. What's with him all of a sudden? "I know Xue Yin's one of a kind, but you'll just have to accept that I've taken him."

"How overprotective." Miko muses, a mischievous glint in her eyes. She says nothing more about her job proposal, though—and as friendly as they are with each other, Xue Yin wouldn't take her up on the offer no matter how hard she tried. He's sure all three of them know this. "Don't worry, I know full well where his loyalty lies. Sometimes it's nauseating to hear about."

"L-Lady Guuji!" Xue Yin stammers, composure breaking upon the sudden impact of Miko's teasing.

But Miko only laughs, of course, bidding the two goodbye and walking off before Xue Yin can even recover from the blow.

Ayato's silent, but his hand on Xue Yin's waist speaks thousands that Xue Yin feels he shouldn't process just yet. So instead, he reaches into his sleeve to bring out a small plastic bag. Two milk tea drinks sit in it, and he takes one out to hand to Ayato. "I stopped by Kiminami while waiting for you, and figured you needed one. You haven't had lunch yet, after all. Tomoki's currently situated at Ritou, so unfortunately I couldn't go to his store instead."

He would never say it out loud from how embarrassing it is, but Xue Yin has long since admitted to himself that one of the greatest joys in his long life so far is seeing Ayato's expression turn from calm and composed to pleasant surprise. The thought of surprising the cunning Yashiro Commissioner himself makes Xue Yin prouder than he can admit, and he can't even complain to himself at the sudden lack of warmth around his waist as Ayato takes the drink. He can never complain, not when he can see Ayato quirking up a youthful smile before taking a sip. "How attentive of you, Xue Yin."

Xue Yin finally lets himself beam then, all bright and unabashed. The brief tension in Ayato's shoulders goes unnoticed as they make their walk back to the estate.

Tens of proposals signed and a few meetings set at the estate later, and Xue Yin finds himself a rare break in the late afternoon. He reserves his breaks for walks around Narukami Island or for tending to his flowers, but his recent workload means the garden hasn't been tended to for a while, which is a shame. Ayato has some more work to do, but surely he wouldn't be opposed to Xue Yin taking a rest from duties, right?

"Wait—" Ayato stands, almost knocking over his papers in the process. He's been on edge for the entire day, Xue Yin notes in mild worry. From staying by his side, they've gone through their work quicker than usual, so he thought the company and decreased workload would help ease Ayato's sudden nerves. He's worried now, seeing that it hasn't.

"Yes, my lord?" But nevertheless, Xue Yin stays composed, because he knows pushing wouldn't provide anything helpful.

"...Would you mind," Ayato breathes out, as if choosing his next words carefully. Which he usually does, of course, but not as obvious as he is right now, "If I joined you?"

"...In tending the garden?" Xue Yin blinks, unable to hide the bewilderment in his voice. It's known throughout the estate that Ayato barely has any free time, and he would prefer if he didn't. If there was something he could do that mattered more and better impacted the clan and Commission as a whole, he would spend all of his time doing it if he could, because it was his duty, and it was what he loved doing most. Ayato proposing to join Xue Yin when he still has papers left to tend to is… unheard of, to say the least. "My lord, you still have papers to sign…"

"What good will signing those papers do if I'm far too tired to read through them properly?" Ayato points out as he walks up to Xue Yin, obvious to the other's eyes that he's trying to keep calm, from the way he wrings his fingers. "Besides, sometimes I see you tending to the flowers from my office, and I can't help but watch whenever I do. I hope you don't mind teaching me how to do it?"

'He… watches me?' Xue Yin blinks, red rising to his cheeks before he could will it down. It's more embarrassing because he talks to the flowers. They have words to say, much like any living being would, but he knows any mere mortal would find it strange. But maybe Ayato isn't just anyone either.

"...Of course." Xue Yin says after a few moments, finding that this will be good for him. As much as Xue Yin admires how hard Ayato works, he would never oppose to him getting more rest from his duties. Of course Xue Yin worries sometimes, just like anyone would for someone they cared about this much.

And of course, anyone would have the same fluttery feeling in their chest upon seeing that person's shoulders relax, right? Butterflies in their stomach when they see them smile with so much comfort and ease. Is it not normal for Xue Yin's heart to skip a beat when Ayato takes his hand and holds it tight, even if only to lead him out of the office?

Of course, Xue Yin's no fool to not recognise what these complicated feelings mean. But maybe there's no harm in pretending for a while longer, only because he hasn't calculated how to take that step forward yet.

——————————

As it turns out, teaching a Commissioner new tricks proves to be a more amusing task than Xue Yin had expected.

"Here?" Ayato asks, garden shears too close to the leaves for comfort. "This part's sticking out a bit…"

"There are too many flowers close to it, my lord." Xue Yin laughs softly, moving to take Ayato's hands and lead him to a leafless branch sticking out so he can snip that instead. If he feels the warmth radiating from Ayato's cheeks from here, he doesn't say anything. He's sure they've both noticed already, anyway. "I mostly trim the garden to make sure it's safe to walk through. Little imperfections such as these make it more… charming, don’t you think?"

Ayato steps back to admire his work—he had trimmed this flower bush all on his own after ten minutes of Xue Yin teaching him. Kind of. He's usually a fast learner, so Xue Yin can't help but be amused at how many times he'd asked for help. He wonders if Ayato even needs help, or if he simply wishes for Xue Yin to stay by his side. He doesn't allow himself to indulge in that thought for long, though.

"I have to agree with you. It's rather cute." Ayato hums, a proud little smile on his lips that Xue Yin inwardly coos at. Even Kamisato Ayato has his boyish charms.

But if not for Xue Yin having to walk past him to get the rake, he wouldn't have heard what Ayato says next, voice so soft it almost gets lost in the wind.

"I wonder how the garden will fare when you're gone…"

Time seemingly slows down then, the setting sun only further revealing the sombre glow in Ayato's eyes. It's nothing Xue Yin hasn't seen before—he has in rare nights, in the cold of winter when Ayato allows himself a moment of vulnerability to think about the ones dear to him he has lost.

Or the ones dear to him he might one day lose.

"...So that's what you've been worried about." Xue Yin smiles, nothing short of fond as he walks back up to Ayato. Ayato looks at him and surprise flashes across his face for a brief moment, before making way for sheepish guilt and such inexplicable longing that Xue Yin has to take a breath upon seeing it.

"My apologies for not telling you." Ayato chuckles, hands behind his back as he looks out towards the sea. "I couldn't help but eavesdrop on your conversation with the traveller and their companion last night."

Xue Yin smiles, the twinge of guilt strong in his own chest. Who knows how Ayato could've felt upon hearing that his secretary was thinking about leaving, to go back home? When he's been so loyal all this time?

"I respect your decision, though." Ayato speaks up, and although he doesn't doubt his words ring true, Xue Yin notices the slight hesitation in his voice. "We both know how important family is, and it would hurt me as well if I kept you from coming home any longer.

But perhaps I allowed myself to be a bit selfish today." He chuckles sheepishly, the sunset concealing his flushed cheeks just barely as he looks back down to the flower bush. "I had barely given myself time to process what I heard, and the thought of parting with you… I had to drown myself in work to stop thinking about it. So I couldn't help but ask for your company today."

Normally, flatteries such as these would make Xue Yin's heart skip a beat. He knows he's doing good work for the Commission to make not only his lord's, but his other coworkers' workload easier. He's good at what he does, and he doesn't need to be reassured such. But that doesn't mean it doesn't feel nice whenever Ayato reminds him of how indispensable he is to the clan. That sense of belonging comes back stronger every time he does.

So that's when Xue Yin laughs—softly, behind his hand. Not in ridicule, but Ayato gives him a confused look anyways, boyish pout only making him look even cuter in Xue Yin's eyes.

Xue Yin stops quickly though, aware the lack of context could make Ayato more upset, and takes his hand to hold tight, revelling in the way Ayato flusters just a tad. "Come. We still have the camellia trees to tend to, my lord."

The camellia trees lined up at the back of the estate stand tall but hidden, a perfect spot of seclusion from any visitors. It's where Xue Yin finds himself gravitating towards to relax, the sweet whispers of the camellias never failing to lull him to a peaceful nap.

Xue Yin wordlessly hands Ayato the garden shears, and Ayato hesitates for a moment—understandably, after being left hanging from his vulnerable confession—but the look in Xue Yin's eyes leads him to take them, unable to resist the sweet openness within them. Ayato may be the one who leads Xue Yin due to his higher rank, but he always finds himself surprised at how in tune Xue Yin is with him. At times, even more than he is with himself. And what is even more surprising is that he can't find it in him at all to mind being wrapped around Xue Yin's finger from time to time.

So he lets Xue Yin be one step ahead of him this once, and they work in silence for a few minutes, the only sound to accompany them the satisfying snip of shear to branch.

"...In Fontaine," Xue Yin finally speaks up, resisting the urge to giggle when he notices Ayato tense with bated breath, "Camellias send a message different from what we might be used to here."

Breaking his own rules, he decides to snip a couple of fully bloomed flowers—one red, one pink. "Red camellias signify nobility here. A warrior's strength, of bravery no matter the odds. They symbolise the honour of those we have lost protecting us. I've always admired how meaningful they are."

He smells the flowers, as if to take a deep breath to calm his nerves, and walks up to Ayato. The both of them put down their shears, and Xue Yin smiles at how in tune Ayato is with him. He puts the flowers into his hands and holds them. When he looks up, he lets himself be a little selfish and bask in the way Ayato seems to glow, with the sun disappearing into the ocean behind him, purple and blue making him look even more handsome than he already is, despite the adorable slight fluster on his face.

"In Fontaine, pink camellias are given when you miss someone." Xue Yin says, unable to hide the slight waver in his voice—not that he wants to, anyway. He's not the type to show vulnerability to anyone, but Ayato isn't just anyone. "When you long to see someone, and you long to be with them, you send these to express such yearning."

Ayato is silent for a moment, looking down at the flowers and at their hands, and the newfound soft firmness in his eyes when he looks back at Xue Yin's is enough to set off those butterflies back in his stomach. "And red camellias?"

Xue Yin smiles, knowing. He knows Ayato doesn't even need to ask. "I'm sure you can guess, my lord."

He takes a deep, shaky breath then and looks down, his grip on Ayato's hands tightening as he thinks about what to say. Not because it'll be hard for Ayato to take in, but because he still hasn't quite come to terms with it himself.

"...Ayato, I have no place left in Liyue." He says after a long moment of silence, feeling Ayato startle a bit at being called by name. "It's changed drastically. I've told you, haven’t I? Rex Lapis came to me in a dream and told me what had happened. That my contract… was over.

It was all too hard to process. Too hard to face the truth that in my last moments as Liyue's protector, I did no such protecting. I couldn't. I felt helpless, like I had nowhere else to go. My contract was to wander, to travel wherever I pleased but to always come home whenever home needed me. And in the final time that it did, I couldn't be there. I longed to see my sister again, but after that… I wasn't even sure if I could."

It's still a more sensitive topic than he had expected it to be, and he doesn't even register his shoulders shaking until he's pulled into an embrace—one he's grown familiar with behind closed doors, as Ayato had been there to comfort him throughout his grief.

But Xue Yin steels himself and gulps audibly, not wanting Ayato to say anything until he's done. "But you remember what you said to me that night, don't you? When I told you everything. I could never bring myself to forget it."

Ayato speaks up after a beat, and the tenderness in his voice doesn't go unnoticed. "That you belonged here."

Xue Yin chuckles, the small lump in his throat forcing a few tears out. Ayato pulls back a little as if he sensed it, wiping at Xue Yin's cheek before he could do it himself.

"And that I do." Xue Yin reassures both Ayato and himself, arms sliding around him and gently squeezing. "I had almost forgotten in my grief, and I felt it with the others too. It was hard for all of us adepti to find new purpose in our life, but some of us had almost forgotten that we already found it."

Xue Yin smiles again, this time brighter than he has since the passing, as bright as he had when the Yashiro Commission hosted its first festival after being on the brink of collapse. It's a smile of pride—pride that he was part of something so great—and a deep, inexplicable adoration for the man he worked alongside to make it work. For the man he believed in and swore his loyalty to, all those years ago.

"And mine is with you, Ayato."

Even in this tender moment, Xue Yin can't help but giggle at the hundreds of flashes of emotion that cross Ayato's face in a split second, but nothing could prepare him for the gentle press of his lips against his forehead, leaving Xue Yin to go through a myriad of emotions on his own. Always one step ahead of each other.

"So…" Ayato starts, still a nervous edge to his laugh when Xue Yin's too slow to regain composure. As always, when it comes to him. "You're not going back to Liyue?"

"Not forever." Xue Yin reassures, shaking his head. "I was only planning to ask you if I could take a week's leave after the festival."

"...Gosh, how silly of me." Ayato laughs, this time unrestrained like all the weight's been lifted off his shoulders. It's so light, so beautiful that Xue Yin feels all his worries disappear as well, his own genuine laughs carried into the wind. "And here I was, acting like a spoiled child being left alone for the first time."

"I'm not surprised." Xue Yin teases as easily as he breathes, always easy whenever he's around Ayato. "Sometimes I wonder what you would do without me."

"You know perfectly well I would do just fine." He tsks back, the smile on his lips Xue Yin is sure no one else but him has seen before. "In terms of work, at least. But I have to admit, you help me feel at ease. The fact that I want you around is the reason why I need you."

"You flatter me." Xue Yin hums, reluctantly pulling away from the hug. He won't admit it, not yet, but the longer he spends in Ayato's arms, the more willing his knees are to give in. "But I know the truth, my lord. Two pairs of hands are better than one."

"Perhaps." Ayato chuckles. "So it wouldn't be selfish of me to ask you to stay?"

…Xue Yin grins, moving forward himself to press a kiss on Ayato's cheek and relishing in the way he jumps, just a little. How cute. "I told you, all you need to do is ask."

Ayato shakes his head a little to compose himself after a few moments of shock, laughing in mild disbelief. "I wonder how long we're going to keep trying to outsmart each other here."

"Do you not think it's fun?" Xue Yin pouts, taking the garden shears and looking over the camellia trees one more time to make sure they're well trimmed. "I think it is. After all, I'm the only one who can truly challenge you in a game of shogi, my lord."

Ayato shakes his head again, expression fond as he follows Xue Yin to the corner. But before they can round it to be visible to any public eye, he takes his wrist and tugs him back, one final question burning on his lips.

"Xue Yin." He starts, Xue Yin turning around with a confused, but amused expression. They both know Ayato's only asking now so he gets the last laugh, but Xue Yin's right. Their little intellectual games are some of Ayato's favourite pastimes.

"This red camellia…" He looks at the flowers in his hand, and back up to Xue Yin, revelling in the soft colour of his cheeks. "What does it mean for us?"

Xue Yin takes a breath to answer, head tilting as he hums in thought. Then suddenly, the smile on his face tells Ayato that he may not get the last laugh after all.

"I'll tell you when I return. We have more papers to sign, don't we?"

Ayato watches in stunned silence as Xue Yin steps back, wrist free from the slack in his grip. He only comes to when he hears Xue Yin laugh loud and bright as he rounds the corner, and Ayato splutters despite himself, almost tripping on his feet to try and catch up. He does nothing to hold back the sparkling laugh bubbling from his chest, the ripples of heart beating wildly even in still waters. "Hey—!"

When Xue Yin notices the vase of red and pink camellia by Ayato's table when he comes into the office the next day, he says nothing of it. Because they both already know.

#oc x canon #selfship #self ship #f/o community #oc x canon fic #selfship community #ok to rb (please rb)#🌸 the camellia forms ripples on still waters #💘.writing #♡ hopelessly devoted #xue yin tag tba #WHAT DO I EVEN TAG THIS AS AGHHH

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orange-waterfalls · 5 years ago

Text

Feelings? No. Never.

Illinois x gender neutral!reader

@edgynoise ty for the request!

A/N: Illinois falling in love and not knowing what to do with it. I loved writing this lol. There's a dog, and I chose a hypoallergenic dog bc... Y'know... Uh, Illinois being big dumb. Real men don't have FEELINGS. Rated T for cursing and hurt pupper. Don't worry, she gets better. Fluffy. Enjoy.

Word Count: 2.1k

Illinois was a bit intimidated by you. You two had a lot in common. You both loved adventure, you both were fearless, and you both could be too arrogant at times. The difference was you were more aggressive about it. He wouldn't lie, he got worried when you asked him if he dared you to jump over a pit of snakes.

Another difference was you were softer than him. You loved children and animals, and were very kind and caring. Illinois didn't really like kids and most animals just annoyed him. He wasn't the caring type. You two complimented each other well.

One problem.

Illinois had fallen in love with you.

He wasn't sure when or how it happened, but all he knew was that whenever he saw you playing with a baby or a dog or something like that, he couldn't help smiling.

Illinois had fallen in love before. At least, he was pretty sure he had. It had been a while. But the overwhelming desire to see you happy may have tipped him off a bit.

But he was honestly a bit scared.

Feelings were nothing but trouble. They had no place in his line of work. You risked your lives every day, there was no room for a relationship. Besides, he wasn't the relationship type. He was married to his job! The only thing he loved was adventure! And now, apparently, you. What was he supposed to do with that? Ask you out? No. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He'd get over this soon enough.

Then a week passed. Then two weeks. Then two months. And that mushy, touchy-feely, butterflies-in-your-stomach emotion he felt towards you hadn't faded a bit. In fact, it may have just gotten bigger.

He would sit with you while you did absolutely anything, just wanting to be around you. He would watch you from across the room, adoration visible in his eyes. Whenever he talked to you, love and affection dripped from his voice.

He hated it.

He couldn't control it! His face started heating whenever you touched him, and he started giggling like a schoolgirl when he thought of you. This wasn't like him. He needed to stop. But he wasn't sure how to stop.

And he didn't need to.

You two had discovered some temple ruins and Illinois decided to explore. He had hoped some adventure would take his mind off of things.

As it turns out, going on an adventure with the person you are in love with will not help you get over the person you are in love with.

You decided to walk through town on the way over instead of driving, just because. He thought it was a waste of time, but you wanted to see everything. So, you walked.

While walking you froze as you heard a small whine from an alleyway.

"Illinois," you called so he'd stop. He turned to you.

"What's wrong?" He asked. You didn't answer as you spun towards the alley and went in. Illinois followed you, curious in what you were doing. You slowly stepped through the alley, keeping your ears open, until both of you heard another whine. You rush towards the source of the noise and find a Portuguese Water-Dog puppy. Its fur was black, so you barely saw that its leg was bleeding. You gasped and laid your hand on the pup.

"Aw, Illinois! Look at it!" You said sadly. Illinois rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, great. Drop it at the vet so we can go." You turned to him and frowned. He suddenly felt guilty.

"No! I can't just abandon it! I found it and now it's my responsibility," you claimed. Illinois sighed in annoyance. He didn't even try to argue because he knew he couldn't change your mind.

You lifted up the small pup and cradled it in your arms, shushing it gently. Illinois tried to look annoyed, but his brain decided to make a ton of serotonin in that exact moment and he smiled at you. You two stood for a moment, you cradling the dog, Illinois smiling at you lovingly. You looked up at him and smirked.

"There a problem, Illy?" You chuckled. Illinois snapped out of his trance and widened his eyes at you. He cleared his throat.

"Uh, no. Let's just… let's just go," he said and turned around, walking back to where you came from. You jogged to catch up to him, staring at the puppy in adoration.

"I'm gonna call them… Indiana," you said. Illinois turned to you.

"Really?" He asked, offended. You laughed.

"Yeah, really! It'll be too confusing to name you both Illinois," you explained. He turned away from you, his face flushing.

"Yeah… okay," he mumbled.

A couple days after you nursed the puppy back to health, you made Illinois go with you to buy stuff for it. You held his hand as you dragged him around the pet store, holding the puppy in your arms as well. You repeatedly referred to her as your daughter, and told him he was her parent as well. Not to mention, a bunch of people walking around were whispering you two looked cute together.

This was not at all helping with Illinois' feelings for you. He wanted them to leave, not for other people to know about it.

"Y/N can you… not hold my hand and… stop calling me its dad?" He asked, sounding annoyed. Your happy face dropped a bit, but you nodded and let go of his hand. He immediately regretted his decision after 5 minutes of missing your hand in his. You had bought the puppy a collar, a leash, a bed, bowls, food, and a couple of toys. You forced Illinois to pick the toys out, since he was going to be living with the dog too. You wanted him and the pup to get along. He groaned but picked out five, and complained when you told him that was enough. You could tell he was having fun.

You drove the puppy back to you and Illinois' house. You both had thought it made more sense for you to live together, since you started adventuring together.

Yep. That was the only reason, alright.

You set the puppy's bed next to yours and set her on the floor.

"Go on, Indiana!" You urged. The pup wobbled over to the bed, her leg wrapped in bandages. She circled for a minute before laying down on it and soon falling asleep. You stared at her for a while before Illinois tapped you on the shoulder. You turned to him, wondering what he wanted. He held up the newspaper article about the cursed treasure that had originally made you two go on your adventure.

Well, before you found the puppy and forgot about adventure altogether.

You called a doggy daycare so you could drop Indiana off and go on the adventure. You anticipated you'd be away for the entire weekend, so you asked one of your friends to pick her up and drop her off each day. Once they agreed, you and Illinois packed your stuff.

Well, you packed your stuff. Illinois still had his bag from the first time you went.

You two tossed your bags in the backseat and sat in the car, ready for danger.

You two had been walking inside the actual ruins for 2 hours. There were so many different pathways you could go, and somehow, none of the ones you chose so far were correct. You had found plenty of rooms with treasure in them, but every time you took one, something went wrong.

First there was a golden statue that he'd replaced with a rock, and a boulder began to chase you both. You ended up back where you started, unhurt but very annoyed.

Then, a golden lamp sitting in the middle of a room. When Illinois grabbed it, the walls started to close in on you two. There wasn't enough time to run out, so you shot your grappling hook at the door and swung your way out. Illinois' hat almost got crushed. It wouldn't have been bad, but he would've complained to you until he eventually bought a new one.

Another memorable one was when the ground closed in under you and you fell into a pit of vipers. Before Illinois could even ask if you were ok, you climbed up the walls with two knives, smiling and saying you were good. Illinois thought it was impossible to fall more in love with you, yet here we are.

You were on your fourth pathway, and there wasn't anything interesting so far. You two normally just walked in comfortable silence, but Illinois initiated conversation.

"So, partner," he called. You turned towards him with a small smile.

"Hm?" You asked.

"Why do you like adventuring so much?" Your eyes widened as you laughed at the question.

"Well, uh… that's a long story…"

"We got time, don't we?"

You were quiet for a moment before you started telling your entire life story.

Half an hour into you talking and Illinois' smile hadn't faltered a bit. He loved your voice oh, so much. You had gone from talking about your childhood to what you did last week, and he listened to everything. You sped up as you talked so Illinois, with his slow saunter, fell a bit behind. He began to zone out and think.

He loved you… at this point, he knew he did. You were amazing… he loved you so much… What was he supposed to do? He didn't want to kiss you… well, he did. But not yet. He didn't know if you'd want to. He didn't know if you liked him. He had no way of figuring that out without telling you he liked you. And what if you didn't? Your friendship could be ruined! He didn't want that… he wouldn't survive. It's not like he could just… pin you up against the wall and hope you kissed him… could he? Well, he didn't have much to lose. If you didn't like him, maybe he could beg you to be friends with him again. Worth a shot.

"Y/N?" He called. He held your hand, stopping you from going farther. You turned towards him.

"What is it?" You asked.

He grabbed your shoulders and gently pinned you against the wall. Your eyes widened as you looked at him. One hand moved to the side of your neck, and he moved his other hand against the wall, straightening his arm. He was absently rubbing his thumb over your jaw, staring at your lips. He stepped closer to you, moving the hand against the wall to the other side of your neck. You held your breath as he stood dangerously close to you, your bodies almost touching.

"You're… so wonderful…" he whispered. One hand moved to your chin as he stared at your lips. You weren't smiling.

That was bad.

He worriedly looked at your eyes, seeing only confusion. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Just… kiss me if you like me back…" he begged. After a few seconds of nothing, he began moving away from you. "I'm so--" you grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him into a kiss. Illinois, caught off guard, buckled a bit. You pulled him back up and he started kissing back. Your bodies were up against each other and he wasn't sure if he could handle anymore. If he'd ascended into heaven right then and there, he wouldn't be surprised. You ran your fingers through his hair and tugged, pulling him impossibly closer to you. He whined and mentally beat himself up for it. He was supposed to make you make those noises. He reluctantly pulled away for breath.

"What the hell are you doing to me?" He murmured. You chuckled.

"I don't know. What am I doing?"

"You're throwing off my entire vibe is what you're doing," You both laughed and he watched you in awe. "I love you…" you stopped laughing and looked at him. Shit, shit, shit. Too soon… he scolded himself. You smiled at him and softly pecked him on the lips again.

"I love you too…" you mumbled. You both gaze adoringly at each other before you wiggled out from your spot between him and the wall, continuing down the pathway. "Come on! I'm not leaving without some sort of reward!" You yelled. He smirked.

"What? Ain't I enough reward, darlin'?" He asked. You rolled your eyes.

"You're good, but love won't pay the bills. Besides, we have a daughter now!"

"Right…"

"Well… I guess you're technically her step-dad, but you can still form a relationship!"

"Oh, shut up." You snickered at him and kept walking. He sighed.

Feelings could be good sometimes.

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