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constantly making airy offhand comments to my preferred younger son about how he’s next in line for the throne after his brother but he still hasn’t killed my detested firstborn for me. kids these days have no fucking initiative.

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great site, your servers go down and everyone goes “woah did my blog get deleted for no reason”

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I make art about grief again

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Yo mr white a romulan warbird just decloaked off the port bow

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it's cute when the vacuum goes over like a crumb or something and you can hear it go the whole way up her tube

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Internet users: I'm not going to drink cocacola products anymore because they used AI in their marketing!

Cocacola, regularly:

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have you all seen that movie poster thats like "People die, and that's fucked up. THE MONKEY"

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On my first day in Germany I got to my hotel and I couldn't get the lights to turn on. And I was like "Eh, fuck it, I'll just take a shower in the dark." And then the shower wouldn't get hot. I waited and waited and it stayed ice cold.

So I go down to the front desk and I'm like "My lights won't turn on and my shower won't get hot" so they send this guy up with me. We get into the room and I flick the switch and nothing happens so I'm like "See?"

And he goes "You must put your card in the slot."

"I... what? I have to put my room card in the light switch?"

"Of course!"

Now I have been in many hotels in the US and never encountered this concept, but apparently it was something most of their guests already knew. So I'm looking like a fool at this point. I feel like an idiot. The dude is fully grinning at me. I put the card in the slot and voila, the light turns on.

Then he's like "Ok, let's see if the shower works. You know you must wait for the hot water?" and I just know he's thinking I'm an idiot who also can't use a shower. This stupid American can't wait for the hot water! She can't even use a light switch or a shower!

And I guess he was distracted by these thoughts of my stupidity, because this dude fully stepped into the shower. In his nice dress shirt and slacks. He just. Gets into the shower.

And turns it on.

Have you ever seen a playing field get leveled instantaneously

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Have to post this favorite of mine

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me in the. me in. the. uhm.

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some people’s new years resolution needs to be to stop going out in public while horribly sick with infectious diseases

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I'm the guy in every movie who steals plot-important items from people's pockets by bumping past them on the sidewalk. Yeabh that's me. It's a living