#don't worry it gets better

[this-wrecker-this-crafter]

Presenting on the Isle was like rolling dice in a rigged game, and Harry Hook didn’t have much in the way of luck or resources.

Presenting on the Isle was like rolling dice in a rigged game. 

Alpha? Congratulations, now you're a target for everyone who thinks they can take you down, plus you’ve got ruts to deal with. 

Beta? No one cares, but hey, at least you’re not suffering. 

Omega? Yeah, good luck. The Isle had its own set of rules when it came to the whole “first heats” thing. Some kids bonded immediately- those were the lucky ones, the ones who planned everything out in advance, who knew who they wanted to be stuck with for the rest of their lives. The rest of them? Well, if you didn’t have a specific alpha to lock you down, you could either wait it out in the landfill, get yourself caught by an unfriendly alpha and pretty much resign yourself or, if you had the luck and resources, steal or bargain for suppressants. 

Harry Hook didn’t have much in the way of luck or resources.

Not that it would have helped. He didn’t even realize what was happening until it was too late. One minute he was scrubbing barnacles off a dock post for the fiftieth time that week and wondering why everything was so sticky and warm; the next, he was a shaking, feverish mess, heart racing like he’d downed three cups of the sludge they served at Ursula’s.

And that scent. His scent. Petrichor, sharp licorice, and the unmistakable tang of what was either metal or blood.

Great. Just great.

He staggered into the nearest alley, pressing a hand to his abdomen like that would somehow hold him together. It didn’t. The heat was crawling up his spine, clawing at his mind with every step. He needed to think. Needed to hide.

Panic set in fast.

Harry thought about making a run for the Lost Revenge, but that was a death trap if he ever saw one. Too small, too many people. He’d run into Uma or Gil for sure, and he couldn’t face them like this, he just couldn’t, and he wouldn’t last five minutes before someone caught a whiff of his new pheromones and- 

No.

It would have to be the garbage dump. It wasn’t glamorous, but it would mask his scent. And no one went there unless they had to.

Shame he had to, really.

By the time Harry reached the dump, his hands were shaking so hard he could barely undo the chains holding the gate shut. The stench hit him immediately- rotting food, oil, brine. Disgusting. Malodorous. Perfect. 

He collapsed against a rusted pole, gasping for breath. His entire body was on fire, every nerve screaming at him to go find an alpha. 

But that wasn’t going to happen. 

It couldn’t.

He just couldn’t. 

And so he shoved his hook deep into the dirt near the pole’s base and scrambled frantically through the heaps of decaying junk until he found a piece of rope. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do. With clumsy fingers, he tied it around his left wrist and looped it around the pole, yanking it tight. It bit into his skin, but at least he wouldn’t be able to bolt if- when- the instincts took over.

“Not goin’ anywhere,” Harry muttered to himself, voice quaking in a way he barely recognized as his own. “Just- just gonna wait it out. I’ve got this.”

As it happened, he did not.

Within an hour, Harry was a wreck. Sweat soaked his shirt, his limbs trembled uncontrollably, and his mind had gone completely. Nothing mattered except the agony, the gnawing need that wouldn’t go away.

He tried absolutely everything to relieve it. Everything but chewing his hand clean off at the wrist and seeking out the first alpha who’d have him, who could possibly make it better, and even that he nearly did do before he managed to slip through the rope, and instinct took over. He surged forward, stumbling toward the edge of the trash heaps, only to collapse a few steps later, too weak to keep going. He crawled back to the pole, just barely managing to tie himself up again before the next boiling surge of need hit.

Pain and exhaustion and want blurred until they obscured the rising and falling of the sun. Harry fought, his body writhing as the heat tore through him. He clawed at the pole, the piles of garbage, himself, desperate to find some relief, any relief. His wrist and shoulder were raw from struggling, but he didn’t stop.

He lost track of how many times he almost broke loose again. The rope held, barely, but it didn’t stop him from trying. His voice, when he wasn’t gasping for air, was hoarse from muttering half-formed pleas into the wind.

“Please-” he whispered, to no one in particular, biting down on his forearm when he could feel his voice rising. “Please, just- please-”

The universe did not oblige.

He almost got caught twice. The first time, some passing scavenger with two dyed pigtails seemed to catch a whiff of him and stuck her head over the gate, eyes gleaming with predatory interest. Harry froze, pressing himself down against the heaps of refuse and squeezing his eyes shut and praying to every god he didn’t believe in that she’d move along. She did, eventually, but not before he spent ten agonizing minutes waiting to be dragged out by his heels.

The second time was worse. A pair of alphas wandered in, arguing over some loot, and got too close. Harry bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. One of them sniffed the air, frowning, but got distracted before they could investigate further.

“Lucky,” Harry whispered, laughing bitterly to himself as they left. “So bloody lucky.”

Luck wasn’t the word he’d use a few hours later, when the pain hit its peak. He’d managed to fasten his other hand to the pole to give his bleeding and nearly-dislocated left wrist a break, but now he was entirely stuck in both body and mind, trembling and delirious, unable to think straight.

This was it. This was how he was going to die. Sweaty, tied to a pole, and smelling rotting Isle garbage.

Great.

He didn’t remember much after that. Filth. Stickiness. Flashes of movement, maybe. The sound of something scurrying in the shadows. His own voice, cracked and hoarse, begging for relief that never came.

When he finally came back to himself, several days later, it was morning. The fever had broken and the heat was gone, leaving him drenched in what he wished he could pretend was only sweat and feeling like he’d been hit by Cruella de Vil’s car. The rope around his wrist was frayed but intact, and he couldn’t feel his hand, which might have been a blessing in disguise, considering what a bloody and swollen mess it was. 

“Great,” he mumbled, voice scratchy, and set about trying to untangle himself so he could go and clean up and then pass out for a month.

[heritageposts]

large zionist blocklist below

i've compiled a list of all the blogs positively interacting with the @/israel-palestine-bingo blog

there's more info about how the names were complied under the read more, but just to get an idea of how vile the blog is, i just want to quickly mention that the first prize offered in their pinned post, "eight hours of memi mamtera," is the song used in the viral israeli tiktok trend of kidnapping, humiliating, and torturing palestinians in the west bank.

and the "grand prize," which needs no explanation, is "all of palestine! for free!"

some quick info: all the names here have either approvingly replied to, reblogged from, or liked one or more of @/israel-palestine-bingo's posts. for likes, i've only gathered names that appear under their original posts; mostly ones that have not been reblogged, and some with 2-3 reblogs that have not left the immediate sphere of zionists. i've also made sure that these are blogs who have either liked more than one posts from them, or who frequently reblogs from other zionists.

you can also quickly look through the blog yourself (it doesn't have that many posts), or check out any of the names on the list with a quick 'israel' or 'palestine' in the search bar or their blogs.

there are more screenshots at the end of the posts, including ones showing who made the blog (ani-lo-daredevil / katenotbishop), and the bingo board itself (ashenpumpkin).

blocking tip: fastest way to mass block users (on desktop) is to go to settings -> the blog your blocking them from -> scroll all the way down to 'blocked tumblrs,' and then copy-paste the name your blocking

names listed below in alphabetical order reminder again, block don't engage

2peachy acleverforgery ani-lo-daredevil apollo-enthusiast ashenpumpkin <- credited for making the bingo board, reblogged/liked almost all of their posts. aureatecorvid avi-on-jumblr (main @/clear-what-i-was-seeing) awstheticshit bambahalva bleepiesheepie bluenorther blueredfetch bones-and-crows britneysmeanshirt cannibalism-is-my-love-language captain-navii casavanse celepito chubbybubba ciitrus--fruitz coffeelovinggayidiot da-socks davos-is-the-one-true-king dchan87 disregardenedgnostic elder-millennial-of-zion faggotry-enjoyer fdelopera flowercrownsandfairylights fluffel677 fluffy-art-moss george-lucas-is-god got-chavi icereader12 illegitimatetenenbaum inklingm8 its-hila jewishlivesmatter just-illegal karinhasdacookie

katenotbishop <- the main account of the person running the blog. her sideblog is @/ani-lo-daredevil

kelluinox kingofslush letaot-ze-magniv lingonberryjamistakenwhat lovelyhairedpianist magic-coffee marrymepadfoot marvel-ous-posts masters-puddle <- pornblog mixmangosmangoverse morganas-simp mossadspydolphin multifandermissesanakin nameless370 namiko026 nevleg32 notcrazyiswear oakstar519 perfectlynormalperson psychologeek queerius randomname3 redvodyanoi rhysaka sally006 sbinklebooper scp-1296 shinekocreator <- commented, 'but is this the 8 hour version?' on a post where someone ''won'' the song used in the tiktok torture videos. snakelung sort-of-a-demon soxiyy stuffandatherstuff tearsandice tedious-waffle thebejeweledwatercat the-library-alcove thirdmagic thisgingerhasnosoul timegirl tolaat-bli-toelet <- the person running the bingo blog. mainblog is @/katenotbishop transmascpetewentz tribulation-of-somnolence unexistencerpg viktorrotkiv wanderingmadscientist whiterose-blackrose whitesunlars why5x5

note: @/tolaat-bli-toelet changed her username to @/ani-lo-daredevil (her main is still @/katenotbishop)

and from the same post,

the last post was also reblogged by the creator of the israel-palestine-bingo blog

[wispurring-moss]

sometimes i think about what kinds of absolutely batshit ridiculousness Angel probably spews during all his time spent sitting at Husk's bar & this just kinda fell out today lmao 🤷🩷🧡✨️

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[linecrosser]

Febuwhump 2k25 - Day 9 - Necromancy

those years of fighting over a corpse were wild huh...

[vacuously-true]

Need people to stop saying "that graph is misleading" when the y axis doesn't start at 0.

Yes sometimes graphs are indeed intentionally misleading you with a weird y axis. But I have seen on this website, three times in as many days, and referencing different graphics, people say "that graph is misleading" when the y axis not starting at 0 is for real simply the best way to convey that particular data.

"I initially misinterpreted this graph despite the perfectly reasonably and very well labeled y axis" ≠ "this graph is misleading." Your data comprehension skills just need work. That's a you problem.

[thespineoftherighteous]

whenever Andrew or Neil are talking about Kevin to the other they refer to him as "your boytoy"

[coldflash-corner]

I've said it before, I'll say it again, obsessed with the concept of Snart not introducing Barry (as Barry) to Mick bc he's worried that Mick won't like Barry and will do something drastic, or vice versa

And then Mick and Barry meet without Snart being around and become best friends

[donelywell]

January 22 2024

Ever since that person asked me how I'd rewrite Lost World into my canon adjacent au my mind has been spiraling about these idiots.

I got a lot of changes planned for these guys, and a lot of redesigning to do in the future (halp me)

bonus doodle

[sophsun1]

The Bear – 1.06: Ceres

[lightmare000]

Little leech tav sticking to karlach not to feed but just because they love her so much they wanna kiss her constantly

I'm not sure who this leech tav is, but congrats for them to unlock new emotions for leechstarion.

leechstarion hates people stealing his favorite spot, but he also secretly believe he's not worthy and lovable enough to be the one get picked.

[oopsalldt]

Sick Day (part 1/8)

Campbell catches a cold and is stuck in bed all day, but his friends care for him and show it each in their own ways

Part 2

[mayasdeluca]

MAYA AND CARINA STATION 19: 7x07 'Give It All'

[deoidesign]

Random update sorry everything is taking so long. I've paused Patreon and I'm working on various things, but some people have started to express concern for my safety/living status so just letting you know I am alive!

[hysterical-random-things]

More doodles of my lamb and Narinder I cleaned up, as i try to to get the vibe of this relationship across and also just to practice how i want them to emote with each other

[sleepyorchidmonster]

Soo, remember in Glorious Masquerade, when Malleus came up with the story that the cause of the Crimson Lotus was unknown, and Rollo was actually trying to save everyone alongside the NRC students?

What if that's another bit of foreshadowing for the end of Book 7?

Briar Valley is in a really precarious position now, still recovering from the Silver Owls, with the Senate mostly taking over while Maleficia grieves, so Malleus overblotting is just another blow to the fae, even if students like Leona, Kalim, Vil and Idia manage to advocate on his behalf.

So why not spin the tale of how there was an unnamed threat on the island that was so Dire (pun intended for Crowley) and all-encompassing that Malleus had to go all out?

To avoid collateral damage and prevent the issue from reaching the rest of the globe, he had no choice but to use his UM to cover the whole island, keeping everyone safe in a peaceful slumber while the threat was dealt with. Luckily, STYX coordinated efforts with the rest of Briar Valley and they managed to subdue the threat both inside and outside the barrier, and everyone is safe now!

That way, the world can see Malleus not as an uncontrollable monster, but as a fierce protector who might go a bit overboard, but means well (also he's a dragon and his remaining family was on the island, so his protectiveness is understandable). Therefore, it's best to befriend the fae and Briar Valley than make enemies out of them!

The only problem is the rest of the student body and staff that saw the overblot at Lillia's farewell party, but I'm pretty sure STYX's Lethe program is back on to deal with the mobs, while the rest of the cast can be sworn to secrecy in exchange for having Malleus owe them a favour (they can use Azul's UM for the NDA).

As for the problem, NRC has been dealing with overblots at least once a month, not to mention the STYX invasion, and the Phantom Dwarves back in the mines, and how Book 7 might introduce the true mastermind and that's what we have to deal with in Book 8... They just have to pick ONE of the options above.

As a sidenote, having Sunset Savanna become Briar Valley's fiercest allies because Leona told his brother that Malleus is his friend would be so funny. Falena sees his depressed brother going to the trouble of making a whole Power Point presentation to convince the council on the benefits of allying to Briar Valley, all to save a school friend, and just decides that Malleus Draconia will have his unending support. Kifaji too.

(Leona has been ignored and belittled so many times that he prepared for the worst and made a whole slide presentation in hopes of defending his point well enough. Shoud've just led with "Malleus Draconia is a friend of mine who just went through a very traumatic experience and I want to help him" Kifaji and Falena would accept in a heartbeat).

BONUS:

Leona: *Practicing his Power Point presentation at 2AM*

Cheka: Unca, what are you doing in the middle of the night?

Leona: I'm just practicing, no one (my dormmates aside) ever likes my ideas and I have to make sure this works...

Cheka: Why?

Leona: Well you see... [starts explaining the inportance of supporting Briar Valley at theur moment of need and the benefits an alliance may bring to the table] ... also the Lizard would love if-

Cheka: Why do you keep calling Malleus Draconia "Lizard"? Is he your friend? Do you want to help him?

Leona, sighing: Yeah kiddo, he is my friend. He's been going though some tough times, almost lost his father and brother, and as much as we butt heads, well, no one deserves that...

Cheka: So why don't you just say that he's your friend and you wanna help him instead of talking about those "tweatwies"?

Leona: First of all, it's "treaties", and second, well, Briar Valley is in trouble, and helping them might get us in trouble too. Also I'm just the accursed second prince, people never listen to me, I need to back up my proposal with facts.

*random noise that sounds like a mix between a growl and a sob (Falena and Kifaji are eavesdropping lol)*

Leona: What's that?!

Cheka, panicking: Probably the wind....

*THE NEXT DAY*

Leona, finishing the presentation: And that's my proposal, any questions?

Random councilman: Well I-

Kijaji, smiling menacingly: I think it's a splendid idea, Leona. Briar Valley has been a longtime friend of ours, so it's only right that we help them in their time of need.

Falena, also smiling menacingly: Agreed! I'm so proud of you, my brother!

Leona: Wait, seriously!?

Falena's wife, smiling and sharpening a knife while subtly observing the other councilmen, marking targets: Of course, Leona! You have a sharp mind and this is a good plan. Briar Valley will have Sunset Savanna's full support for the coming criais, isn't that right, councillors?

Other councillors: Yes Ma'am!! Don't kill us pls