#don't worry i saw them and i WILL answer them

[perryelornitorrinco]

OMG RAY!!!!! THE WHOLE POST! IT'S JUST- I LOVED EVERYTHING!!!

Okay okay I don't wanna just comment on the tags, cause I've read everything and saw all the links and the accounts tagged, it deserves a whole reblog and a little yapping from me XD!!!!!! <3

First of all, silly, but I thought Wind was the blorbo, I was close but wrong haha, it's Four >:·3!!!! ALSO WE HAVE THE SAME FAV LINKS OMG, but the order is different, BUT STILL!!! SO RAD!!! Leg's first for me, then Four being second, Wild and Rulie share 3rd place and then there's Wind, and @poposusz can confirm >:)!

And now the cool stuff >:·3

About Four, I loved all the hcs you had for him. I can see him competing with Leg on who jumps the farthest!!!! And the purple sweet potato!!! (now I'm hungry XDSSDF). Him loving purple stuff is interesting, Wild would need more than 2 hands to prepare lots of purple cakes for Four yeah >:·3!!!!! He'd have a little oven YES, but maybe the potato ends up burned while he's too focused on the forge XD! AND FOUR HAS A CAT!!!!! I feel like I heard about it but I barely remember it, I'm so happy he's a cat guy >:DDDDD. And the whole Four sword hc was just amazing! Loved all the facts about the sword (and even more now that I'm playing Minish cap hehe, I'm in Four mode >:·3) and the other Links playing with it hehe (the drawings are gorgeous as always Ray aughhhhh!!). The magic thing has always been kinda confusing to me but I love hearing people's interpretations, and yours was *cheff kiss*, so I'm as bad as Four with magic hahaha!

Moving to Wind, all headcanons that involve his family become my headcanons too >:·3. Wind loving his little sister and grandma is just so heartwarming, they would do silly siblings stuff, definitely :,,,). Ooooohhh and a while ago I read this fic where in order to calm Legend Wind asks him for a map-making lesson, and they're so focused talking about maps, Wind's chapter has such good vibes. And the constellation sotries yess!!!!! He loves telling stories and surely likes listening to them! Wind is such a cool guy B)!

And my blorbo, love a queered into oblivion Legend YES YES YES, he would definitely say "fuck gender roles". Love when people hc the Links using any pronouns and basically saying "what are those?" (implying they use any XDD!!). Legend rocks on every outfit and makeup look he wears and puts on >:·3 (like Keso's drawing indeed, AUGH YES HER ART IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!). And that Hand me Downs fic is so wholesome yes!! I read it a few times some time ago :·3! Also, I didn't know about The Adventure Zone but looking at Taako I went :O. HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE LEGEND WHAT?! I get why he wants his gender ngl XDDD!!!! And all the bunny mannerisms, yes please, give them all to me *grabby hands* >:DDDDD.

So yeah, I'm so glad to have asked you this hehe!!! And I'm happy you enjoyed writing this post :·3!!! I got really excited seeing your answer too AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Also, I wanted to do a Hero Ranking too, I loved your idea hehehe 👉👈)

Hi Ray!! Hope you're doing fine ^^

Kinda random question, but I guess Wind is your favourite Link so, do you have headcanons for him?!

And if not, who's your favourite blorbo? >:·3

(no pressure to answer this ask tho hehe!)

Hiya Perry!

My favorites go like this! >:D

(Hyrule and Wild are fighting for 4th with Hyrule at a lead lol. He's grown on me since getting to know Zola! xD )

I can share some headcanons for all of them! (I got excited getting an ask from you so I drew a couple things and wrote a lot ashgfjsdfs. The post got long so I'll thrown in a read more somewhere.)

Four

Reading buddies with Twi. They tell each other about what they're reading. Sky and Wind like to listen and ask questions.

Pegasus boots + Roc's cape = some pretty impressive jumps (eight-foot vertical leap Griffin McElroy meme.) He's only outmatched by Rulie. Four and Legend should compete to see who has the greater horizonal distance.

Four loves purple sweet potatoes! It's sweet, umami, filling, and how often do you get to eat something that's purple? It's kind of an expansion of/inspired by a hc + art by w1lmutt. (imo Four's a fan of purple food in general. Four and that one girl from Tarrey Town are the biggest fans of Wild's monster cake recipe.) Set Four up with a purple potato right off of the fire and he's doing great. (Do you think he could have a potato cooking on the side while working at the forge? in like a dutch oven? put the potato in the forge!!!)

The name of the forge is the Four Element Forge (which I first read in blueskullcandy's fics! ("Alone Together" I think?))

Four has a cat! Tongs the Benevolent has my whole heart. (Tongs is also the creation of blueskullcandy @fuckit-hero-of-trains. Hi Train! Here's a little fic of them meeting x. here's art I made of her x. here's Train's tag for her x! More!)

Four with headaches / migraines. There has to be some trope about inflicting the clever/thinker character with head hurty and I'm here for it with Four. Any pain can make it difficult to think, but having that pain be concentrated to the head is more poignant, idk xD something to impede a strength of his. I also think that Four having migraines that are worsened by light is poetic, as being hurt by light gives him something in common with Shadow.

(Four with a headache with Tongs and Twi helping <3 )

Thoughts on the Four Sword's abilities: Can the elemental magic infused into the sword be tapped into and does it still have the ability to make ghost / prism refraction copies?

(img from IGN)

cont. In Minish Cap, as you power up the White Sword with the elemental stones, you're able to summon copies of Link. However, Link can only do this over specific tiles, the prisms run on a timed meter, and if they're hit they vanish. It's like a magic meter! I headcanon that Four isn't great with magic himself. However, if the prisms are summoned by magic, then what if it's Four channeling his magic into the White Sword to get that to happen. (also, maybe he's been relying on help from the tiles or Ezlo.) At the end of Minish Cap, he put the sword back and that was that. At the start of FS/FSA however, something changed when he pulled the sword, causing him to split fully. Maybe the sword needed something different from him. Maybe he was so frantic about Zelda being kidnapped and needing to defend himself from Shadow that he poured too much magic into the sword and it changed him. Maybe the sword's power upgraded. Whatever happened, he no longer has access to the prism ability of the Four Sword and instead splits, with splitting not being a drain on his magic. Four has just assumed that the prisms is an ability the Four Sword no longer has. Put the Four Sword into the hands of someone else with magic, though, and this isn't the case! (or maybe it's a scenario with an earlier iteration of the sword.) I have a scenario in my head where Four is separated from it in battle and Wind picks it up. Wind channels some magic into it on reflex for a spin attack or something and the prism copies pop up much to EVERYONE'S SURPRISE. Wind would think it's So Cool. Why haven't you shown us this before??!! Meanwhile Four just, honestly didn't know it could do that anymore. Cue Four Sword show-and-tell because what could be the harm (Four doesn't have to tell about the splitting thing and maybe the chain can help him learn about the copies) Wind, Legend, Time, and Hyrule can pull them up with ease. Put the sword into the hands of Hyrule or Legend who are more familiar with magic, however, and I think they could tap into the elements infused into the blade. Each of the copies channel a different element: being wind, fire, ice, and stone (with the Four Sword itself being Light.) Hyrule's able to move the copies around independently of each other but it takes a lot of focus. Legend on the other hand is better with the elemental stuff but he can feel there's something more to the Four Sword. Like, "Four, the magic well in this item is pretty deep / unstable. I don't want to tell you how to use your items, but careful not to put too much into this." Four: *wtf wtf wtf.* Or Legend would try pushing the boundaries of the sword, start going weird and flickery, and would be hastily stopped by Four.

Wind

He and Aryll meow at each other! >:3c He meows during a side-quest and I want an excuse for him to do it more often. I think he and Aryll are very much the type to make weird noises in greeting.

Cartography and navigation buff! Phantom Hourglass has you marking up the map so I think it's something Wind's good at and enjoys. Celestial navigation is in there too. Beyond using the stars to navigate, I think he's into star stories. Each constellation has a story that Wind is happy to retell. He wants to collect as many and their variations between eras as possible.

Wind has to admit that Twi, Sky, and Wild's pumpkin soup is pretty good (not as good as Grandma's, but still pretty dang good.) He got a pumpkin sprout in Sky's era and it lives in one of his bottles. Its name is Soup!

Fandom headcanons I've picked up that I'm fond of: Wind can see ghosts, Wind needs new shoes and isn't super jazzed about all this walking, Wind's family shield is passed down from Four, Wind is scared of / intimidated by large birds which opens up storytelling opportunities with Sky's loftwing, (honorable mention to the WW headcanon that Link's nearsighted due to him squinting in cutscenes. I don't hc it for LU Wind but it's neat to see it picked up! (ex: Wind from Linked Maze!))

Legend

I love Sister_Dear's writing (@sister-dear hi Sister 😳) and my interpretation of Legend reflects that. (here's Sister's list of Legend headcanons lol) (Keso's art is a big influence as well.)

Legend with arthritis / chronic pain in his hands/knees. It's just nice to see nods to it. Legend massaging his hands, or using a cane (louieeeee!), or grumbling about the weather. There's a headcanon that goes along with it that he has rings which lessen the symptoms.

Legend as poly and bi for Marin and Ravio. Courtesy of Wolfy (@wolfy1298) and this comic.

Genderfluid Legend. I like Sister's bullet-point, "Goes by ‘he’ but feels fairly ambivalent about the pronoun. Doesn't like to present as overly masculine. (Either a case of Legend being all ‘fuck gender roles’ or his Hyrule just having different gender norms.) Likes putting on dresses and makeup when the opportunity arises, doesn't like to do his hair." That! But I like to add that Legend will swap pronouns as well on what feels best. Hand-Me-Downs by That_G3_Obsessive (@that-g3-artist 👋) is a favorite of mine and has beautiful representation of genderfluid/queer Legend. Legend figures Wind could use some better fitting clothes, and shifting through Legend's wardrobe leads Wind to ask about the dresses there.

(has Taako from The Adventure Zone vibes going on in presentation and snark. Love me a bunny toothed GNC gay elf wizard twin who has a secret they don't want anyone to know and who's done with this shit. Please appreciate Taako thank you yippee yahoo!)

(Tried drawing Taako to mixed results but I think Legend would dig his vibe!)

I tried to throw in a number of hcs~ideas that are more personal / that I haven't had the opportunity to show through fanwork yet. To be fair, sooo many of the headcanons I have for the chain though are an amalgamation of things picked up from the fandom (I could go on with Legend and bunny mannerisms or Four with portal sickness xD ). There's a lot of really great work put together by so many people. It's wonderful to get to be a part of it!

Thank you for the ask Perry!!! >:D

[ericshoney]

Body Image ~ Brothers!Sturniolo triplets

Summary: Your shopping for prom dresses when a sudden anxious thought about your weight hits you. Luckily your brothers are right by your side.

Warnings: possible swearing, body image issues, platonic nicknames, slight angst, fluff.

A/N: All body sizes/shapes are beautiful. If you are happy that's all that matters :)

Reader's age: 16

It was that time of year. Shopping for prom dresses. You were excited about prom since it was the only thing you and your friends were talking about.

Nick, Matt and Chris were home in Boston for a while and offered to take you shopping. You agreed, knowing that their opinions would mean the world to you and shopping with them was just fun.

So here you were, in the car besides Nick as Matt drove to the mall and Chris sat up front singing to the music. Nothing unusual there. You were scrolling through your phone at prom dresses for inspiration on what you liked.

"So what colour are you getting, bub?" Nick asked.

"I was thinking navy blue." You answered.

"That would be nice. Short or long?" He then asked.

"Long." You replied.

He nodded and kept asking what kind of things you wanted. Soon you arrived at the mall. The four of you got out the car and headed into the first store that was selling prom dresses.

As you began browsing, your brothers wandering around for options too, you saw a pair of girls further in the store looking at some dresses. You smiled a bit, but suddenly felt a wave of sadness. The two girls were very slim compared to you.

Your weight and size had never been a problem before. You were healthy and happy, just on the chubby side. Your parents, brothers and friends didn't care either. You were loved and happy.

But seeing the girls with their skinny legs and slim waists made you feel uncomfortable and upset. You looked at yourself in the store mirror and poked your fluffy stomach.

"Hey kid, what's with the sad face? Not see any dresses you like?" Chris asked as he walked over to you.

"Oh um. I'm fine." You mumbled.

"Don't lie to me, kid. What's really wrong?" He replied, wrapping a comforting arm around your shoulder.

"I just....Am I too big?" You asked, looking up at him.

"What? No way! You're perfect the way you are!" He exclaimed.

"Everything okay over here?" Matt asked, walking over to join you both.

"Where's Nick? We need to show our sister she's perfect." Chris replied, ignoring the question.

Upon hearing his name, Nick appeared behind you. He shared a look with Chris and Matt before looking over to you. He was quick to follow your gaze which failed to leave the two happy girls.

"Oh honey. No stop thinking that." He said.

"What's going on?" Matt asked again, being the only one who didn't know what was going on.

"Our dear sister here thinks she's too "big" but in reality she's fucking perfect and beautiful no matter what!" Chris cheered.

"Sweetheart, is that true?" Matt called softly.

"I just....those girls over there look so happy and are really skinny and pretty, they are getting their tiny prom dresses and for some reason it just made me feel upset." You rambled.

"Babe, you're beautiful and they are like sticks. We understand body image issues and worrying about your size, but believe me you're a perfect little fluff ball. We love you, we don't care what number is on a label. What matters to us is that you're happy." Nick ranted.

You looked up at your identical brothers and smiled. You hugged each of them as a thank you, glad they had your back.

"Now, let's get you a prom dress." Matt said, dragging you over to a rail.

Tags:

@lgbtq-girl @mattsfavbigtitties @onelesslonelygirlbieber6 @riowritesitall @sturniolo-fann @mrvlxgrl @lottieluhvs @cl1tlover3000 @melaniesturniolo @lovesturni0l0s @blahbel668 @emely9274 @nicksloverrr @pancjfrjb @luvr4miya @artloo123 @n0aa @sturn-rose @ivysturnss @thetriplets3  @itsjulzandmydiamonds @sturniolos4life16 @courta13 @itsjulzandmydiamonds @sturniologirly @mandmilovehim

Dividers by: @issysh3ll

[the-froschamethyst4]

"Did you just move in"

𖤐Pairing: König x F! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐Warnings: smut, language, neighbors to lovers, badly translated German, kissing/making out, elevator sex, drunk sex, P in V, eating out, hand job, teasing, age gap (26-35), height difference, Nurse! Reader,

𖤐Summary: König hasn't met his new neighbor

————

————

5:00AM

König woke up on time like everyday, not once has he been late onto getting to work. König grabbed his mask letting out a yawn, hiking his bag over his shoulder and shutting the door to his apartment and locking the door.

He hits the elevator down button, letting out yet another yawn as he waits for the elevator. He hears the bing and walks into the elevator.

"Wait!" A voice calls and with instinct König puts his hand out and the doors open. "Thank you," a woman comes in.

"No problem...I'm sorry are you new? Did you just move in, I don't think I've seen you around before?"

"Oh yeah, I moved in a few weeks ago, I'm in 304."

"304? I-I had a friend in 304, did he move out?"

"I-I'm not sure, I just saw a leasing and picked this apartment...I've been here for 3 weeks now, are you new?"

"No, no, I've been here for 3 years now, I travel for work."

"Travel," she looks him up and down. "You don't...seem like you travel."

"Yeah, I guess I look a bit ridiculous at the moment. I'm in the military."

"Oh well, thank you for your service." She giggles. "I'm Y/n."

"King, my friends call me King."

"A nickname? I'm guessing, I won't learn your real name will I?"

"I could have you call me by my callsign."

"Which is?"

"König."

"Well, König, I hope you stay safe out there."

"Thanks," he smiles at her. "If you don't mind me asking, what do you do?"

"Oh, I'm a Nurse." She holds up her badge to a local hospital. Before König could say anything the doors open and they stepped out, and headed to the garage park together.

"So, guess I'll be seeing you around?" König asked.

"Yep, see ya' around neighbor," she says, getting into her car.

------------------

A Week Later

König was just coming home from a week long mission, he hated every minute of it, and is glad to be back home, to get into his bed, sleep and relax till the next time he has to work.

As he gets to his door, he sees a little box by his door, he was confused, his mind to even went to, could this be a bomb?

He picks it up and examines it, there was note that was placed under the box.

'Hi Neighbor, hope you're okay? I haven't seen you in a while, I waited for you at the elevator a few days ago, but never saw you, so I thought maybe you had already left, and I knocked on your door a few times, and you never answered, I hope I didn't do anything wrong? Anyways, I made some homemade goodies for you to enjoy, I hope you like them' PS: Don't worry about the box, I have more

König smiles and opens his door and walks into his apartment. He wonders if she is home, but he doesn't remember seeing her car in her parking spot.

--------------------

He was so unhealthy, he sat on his couch, legs spread and the box sitting on his lap as he leaned back and he was on his 5th brownie.

"Holy fuck these are good," he says under his breath. The cookies were soft and chewy, the brownies were just the same and were so rich. König hasn't has sweets in such a long time. He went on a harsh diet restricting sweets from his diet, he couldn't help but enjoy these sweets.

Maybe it's just him not having them in such a long time, but misses the sweetness, the sugar that made him happy as a child, he missed it.

As he held up a cookie there was a knock on his door, he looks at the door and gets up with the cookie hanging from his mouth as he looked throw the peep hole on his door.

Her

He unlocks the door and takes the cookie from his mouth.

"Oh hi," she says with a smile.

"Hi."

"I just saw the box gone and I wanted to make sure you got them," she sees the cookie. "I guess you did."

"Yeah, these are great, by the way." He tells her. "Soft and rich."

"Thanks, I know a few baking tricks and most of them are homemade."

"They're great..." it kind of became awkward now, Y/n rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet as König taps his finger on the door.

"Umm~ just came to check on you and if you got the sweets."

"Yes, thanks again, Y/n."

"Of course, anytime."

-------------------

A Few Days Later

König was in the elevator going to the apartment complexes gym, he was looking down at his phone, as the elevator doors open, he hears talking not really thinking about the talking-well not in till he hears a familiar voice.

The same voice he thinks about almost daily.

"Sir, I don't have any money," she says, König comes around the corner, Y/n has her bag over her shoulder, her jacket seemed a little messed up, and she looked like she was coming back from work.

She sees König, the light in her eyes had came back when she rushes to König. She hides behind König. The guy kept following her, but stopped when he saw König.

"Woah-" the dude says.

"Is there a problem?" König asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"N-No, not at all."

"Who let you in here anyways? The parking garage is gated. Did you sit and wait till it opened?" The guy is silent. "So, I'm right...so, I'm gonna call the police-"

"No, no, I'll leave, I'll leave." The guy did just that, he pushed the gate and walked out. Getting into the parking garage was hard you needed a passcode or a keycard, but getting out was easy.

"You okay?" König asked.

"Yeah," Y/n says.

"What did he want?"

"Money. That was scary."

"I bet...I was just going to the gym, do you want me to walk you home?"

"No, it's okay, thank you, King."

"Of course, be safe."

"I will."

-----------------------

Next Day (9:00PM)

Y/n was in her apartment getting ready for a girl's night with her friends, she hasn't been out in a long time, because of work and her schedule being so busy she barely had any sort of free time, today was just that day.

She puts her heels on and grabbed her purse, she locks her apartment and heads to the elevator hitting the down button. She looks down at her phone making sure she had the right address of the club.

The doors open and she was about to step in.

"Woah, we going to a party?"

"König." She smiles. "I'm just going to hang out with my friends."

"Do you have a DD?"

"No, I was gonna take an UBER," she says. He steps out of the elevator the do close but that's okay, her friends can wait, she's talking with her hot neighbor right now.

"Here." He puts his hand out, and she gives him her phone. He puts his number in her phone. "Don't call an UBER, call me, and I'll come and get you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'll always come and get you, if you call."

"Okay." She smiles.

-------------------

Getting to the club, Y/n walked in and her friends immediately bombarded her on what took her so long? She just gave a response of.

"The uber got lost." She says with a smile.

Y/n had a Vodka Cranberry and she watched her friends dance or talk to some guys.

She stood by herself when a guy came up to her.

"Hi," he says.

"Hello." She says back.

"You look lonely."

"No, I'm okay. I'm not...really into clubs."

"Then why are you here?" He asked.

"Because I'm bored and I want to get out of my apartment."

"What do you do for work?"

"I'm a nurse or more specifically, I'm a CNS." She says.

"Oh yeah, what do you do?"

"I diagnose, prescribe, and treat patients."

"How much do you make?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Because I can't be with a girl who makes more then me."

"Bye," Y/n walks away from the insecure man child. She rolled her eyes when meeting with her friends on the dancefloor.

----------------

11:50PM

König just hopes Y/n is safe, it's close to midnight, and he hasn't heard anything from her yet. He taps his chin as he was watching TV. As he was thinking his phone dinged, he looks over seeing it was Y/n texting him.

'Hi...could you come and get me now' she then send the address where she was. König without missing a beat grabs a hoodie and tied his boots and grabbed his keys and headed out to go get his cute neighbor.

------------------

König gets to the club where he sees Y/n sitting on the curb kicking the rocks.

"Y/n!"

"King~!" She coos. She had her heels in her hands as she walks up to him a bit stumbly.

"Y/n, you should put your heels on, the ground is dirty."

"My feet hurt," she whines to him.

"I understand but keep them on at least." She just pouts at him.

"You're mean."

"No, I'm not, I'm just making sure you're safe."

"I am safe, because I'm with you."

"You're sweet, come on," he says, helping her to his truck.

"King," she moans.

"I'm here," he says as he pulls out of his parking spot.

-----------------

Y/n had looked out the window and then back at König who was very focused on the road. One hand on the wheel and the other free resting on the arm rest and he'd occasionally bring his knuckle to his mouth.

"King, would you be mad if I made more money then you?" She coos.

"Huh?"

"Some...asshole, came up to me a...at the par and said 'I can't be with someone who make more money than me'," she mocks a males voice and he noticed she messed on saying bar, but he thought it was cute.

"No, I wouldn't care as long as you support me, I'll support you, and you are finically stable, I don't see anything wrong with that." He says.

"So, would you date me even if I did make more money?"

"Yeah...I would..." he says.

She looks up at him, biting her bottom lip, she moves the seatbelt and leans forward kissing König's cheek.

"Good," she says.

"What was that for?"

"Because I like you, King, you'd never believe the whole n-night I was thinking about you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she leans back in the seat and lifts the bottom of her dress being a tease, but König placed his hand out to stop her from exposing herself.

"Woah, hang on there," he says.

"What? You wouldn't fuck me?"

"Scheiße (shit) of course...of course I would, but not right now, okay, I'm driving."

"Then can we do it when we get to the apartment?"

"...Yeah...Yeah we can," he says, looking down at her.

Getting to the apartment complex, Y/n didn't have her heels on because she doesn't want to listen, and König was behind her making sure she wouldn't fall in the nearby bushes.

"King, can we fuck now?" She whines, König came up to her holding her up and shushing her.

"Shhh, not so loud, Y/n." She just giggles.

"You're so shy."

"And you're bold, I've never heard you be this way."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing. Come on let's get to the elevator now." He says, moving her inside and hitting the up button.

The doors open and König moved Y/n into the elevator. He hits their floor button and just waited as the elevator took it's time going up. König was in the corner and Y/n was leaning against his side to keep herself up, König leaned on the rails to almost keep himself up.

Her hand starts gliding under his black shirt, feeling his abs and looking up at him with a teasing look in her eyes.

"Not here."

"Why not? We're in the apartment complex."

"There is a camera."

"Let them watch," she stood on her tippy toes bring him down to kiss her lips.

König deepens the kiss, and he pushes her against the elevator wall, and hits the stop button.

"Is this what you really want?" He asked.

"Yes," she says.

"Okay," König picks her up, her heels dropped out of her hands, and her legs wrap around his waist and her arms around his neck. König had messed with his belt and pulled his semi harden dick from his boxers, he pumps himself a few times as he kept kissing Y/n, her moans were soft, she moves her left hand and moves it to his dick, helping him out.

Pumping a bit faster, and she runs her thumb over his tip feeling the pre-cum on her thumb.

"Fuck," he moans.

His hand went to her thighs again as he just allows her to pump him, she moves her panties to the side and pushes his tip inside of her.

"Fuck," they both moan.

König first did some lazy thrusts just to let Y/n get use to his size, she moans and he started to pick up the pace just a bit. Her head goes back hitting the elevator wall, moans filled the small confined space.

König could help but smirk at her, just a few weeks ago, he never knew that he had a new neighbor and now here he is, fucking balls deep inside of her.

He leans forward kissing her temple and then her lips, he moves her from the wall to her now using the hand rails to keep her up as he is hitting from behind. His hands held her waist as he watches her put her head back again and moan left her mouth.

König starts picking up the pace it become sloppy, and he was close to coming. Giving a few more thrusts into Y/n, she ended up coming on his dick, he pulls out just in time as he spills cum from his tip onto her lower back.

König pulls her up and kissed her temple.

--------------------

3:00AM

König felt his head pound, he holds his forehead and rolls over on his side, he thought he was facing his window only to see Y/n. He slightly remembers what happened, he was really tired last night and just remembers picking Y/n up from the club, and then...sex...in the elevator. But he doesn't remember anything after that.

He doesn't move, he just stares at her, she was so cute when she was asleep, he lifts the covers and sees that she was in one of his t-shirts and he was only in boxers.

He sits up now.

"Are you leaving me?" She asked.

"I was just gonna make some coffee...you want some?"

"No thanks," she says, sitting up and getting up with him. "Thank you for coming to get my last night."

"It's no problem," he says. "Like I said, when you call I'll be there for you."

"You're too nice to me."

"Well, you're nice to me back, it's called repaying a favor."

"I had a...a good time last night."

"I did too..."

"Well...will that effect us in the future as neighbors?" She asked.

"No, it won't."

"No?"

"Why would it?"

"Because it'll be awkward?"

"No, it won't, I promise," he says, he walks to her, he cups her face and kisses her lips.

[fancyfeathers]

Hello Fancy!

This is my first time requesting something and tour work is so amazing! I saw that you were still taking requests for the Villian AU and I had a few things I was wondering if you could do/anwser.

The first one is how or what would happen to Dick's darling if Dick were to escape from Arkham Asylum? Would he be able to get his darling back and keep them from Bruce forever? I was wondering how that situation would go down.

The second is basically the same as the first, but with Damian's darling. How would he react if his darling was not only was able to get away from him, the heir to the League of Assassins, but goes straight back into being Robin (or working with Barbara in the paralyzed case)? If he were to get his darling back, just how crazy and possibly violent would he get with his threats and actions after the running away?

The last one is say Bruce died or didn't, but how would life for each of the darlings look like in the future? Kids? Married? No legs to run away with?

I loved the Pomegranate story for Damian. It was written so well and don't worry about the content being different then normal, I think it added to the story in that case.

So sorry that this is so much, but as I said above, your writing is literally so amazing! ❤️

Yandere!Batboys as Villains with Robin!Darlings AU

Honestly it is not a matter if Dick would escape from Arkham it is when he escapes from Arkham Asylum, when he does it is a whole mess, half of the patients dead because Dick knew what they have done and deemed them not worthy of simply living, they gave up their chance for life.

But the answer is no, maybe he manages to kidnap her for a few days and he has come close to killing Bruce once or twice over the years and getting to keep her, but either time one of her sisters were there to save them.

But after a while he would really succeed when he got Tim’s help, because the circus Dick took over is known to have worked with the Court of Owls in the past. I imagine that in this AU his darling’s day job would be something like a ballerina since her persona of Dove is the equivalent of Nightwing in this universe.

So with the help of Tim there would be a silent purchase and chance of management at the theater she works at and after months of no one meeting or even seeing the new owner she gets suspicious. So after a late rehearsal one night and she is about to go to her locker where she has her suit in her duffle bag, she finds that it is gone…

“Looking for something, baby?”

She turns around and sees Dick standing there holding her suit in one hand and the tracker that Bruce had on it in the other. She isn’t so strong without her gear, not when the playing ground isn’t in her favor. It really doesn’t take that long for him to subdue her and knock her out along with throwing the tracker into the river so it would at least slow Batman down if not loose his only lead. He keeps her in the attic of the theater and for those who have never worked in a really old theater, those things are so hard to access and so hard to get out of, you could scream at the top of your lungs and no one would hear you. So when she’s locked up and high on drugs to keep her not fully aware it’s impossible to get out, but then again she is nice and safe up there, away from anyone who would want to hurt her…

She most I could see her up there is maybe a year, a year and a half, because in the Arkham Knight game, Bruce couldn’t find Jason at all for the two years he was tortured. So by the time Bruce finds her, she just starts crying, because while for a captive, she was treated incredibly well, she hadn’t seen anyone besides Dick for over a year and even then she wasn’t even lucid enough most of the time to know what was happening.

(I also love the idea of in her vigilante costume, Dick’s darling wears ballet shoes, kinda like Spidergwen)

Now with Damian, he is absolutely enraged because the moment he turns his back, one of her sisters and or Batman shows up and rescues his darling, so he just comes back to a compound of unconscious assassins and hearing that his darling has been spotted back in Gotham again.

Now if his darling goes back to being Robin then he decides just to grab her while she is still getting back on her feet, but little does he know that she is a visual learner, so all the training he did with the League of Assassins that she saw, she knows, so she actually manages to hold him off until Batwoman, Kate Kane, comes to rescue her. So he is absolutely pissed off, so when he gets his hands on her again he is far from gentle, achilles tendons are slashed and he makes good on his first promise to her, cutting out her tongue. So when she is taken back by him, she is completely reliant on him to survive, if she needs something she just has to wait for him to give it to her, if she wants something then oh well, she lost the right to what she wants when she ran away.

Now after awhile, and I mean around a few months of good behavior, he may find it in his heart to lay his darling in a Lazarus Pit so her injuries will completely heal, but that’s only because he misses the sound of her voice and he has deemed that her punishment has gone on long enough…

Well he says that, but the truth is he was lonely without the person she once was.

“Don’t pretend that you were actually useful to them, I have seen the way he looks at you after you messed up, but that is one thing we both have in common, we are the Batman’s biggest mistakes.”

Now if his darling is paralyzed from the waist down, he is far more forgiving if you can call it that. At least she is not pretending to be a hero and like she is actually useful, Damian just knocks out Barbara when they are in the clocktower one night before knocking her out and wrapping his darling up in a blanket he brought like a little baby, then when she wakes up she is back at square one.

Now I don’t know exactly where each darling will end up, but I do think that if Bruce died then Batwoman, Huntress, Spoiler, Orphan, Signal, and all the other vigilantes on Gotham would look after the girls a bit more…

Like I imagine that Dick’s darling is very good friends with the Huntress, so those two team up together more and Helena is always looking over the first Robin. Dick’s darling may get more reckless without Bruce and that will probably end up with her getting kidnapped and no one hearing from her again and without Batman they can’t find her…

Jason’s darling would decide to put up the suit for good and just focus on school and she would almost graduate, but being in the wrong place at the same time has sort of become her thing and she gets kidnapped with the intention of being organ trafficked if it wasn’t Jason recognizing her unconscious body. It’s really a shame, she would have made such a good lawyer.

Tim’s darling is able to go on as normal for a while, after all it is what Bruce would have wanted, but then one day she literally just vanishes into thin air, she was sitting in her room at the manor, working on an art piece and Alfred checked up on her one minute and when he went back she was gone and the window was left open. Everyone searched for her all over the city, but no one could find her, little do they know that she is stuck wandering the Court of Owl’s labyrinth until her mind gives out and she is left broken and ready for Tim to piece back together how ever he would like.

Damian’s darling is the one I probably thought about the most, when Bruce dies, she goes and becomes Batgirl and becomes the sidekick of Kate Kane. Then if by some miracle she manages to avoid the League of Assassins with what she learned then one day, Kate sits her down and hands her a box with the Batwoman suit inside. She is now the new Batwoman.

I imagine with that she not only picks up the mantle of Batwoman but the empty space Bruce left behind in Gotham, becoming the city’s main protector. With all of her sisters missing she is alone and more closed off than when she was younger.

But she never did cut off the head of her own snake.

Her conflicts with Damian on grow more and more when he takes his grandfather’s place as the leader of the League of Assassins. She wasn’t as strong as Bruce was and she knows that, so even though she is able to hold her own in against against Damian, she never will be able to win…

Someone would be surprised how little pressure it takes to break someone’s spine.

[hoeleeheeseung]

Dirty Dancing

genre: smut; dom! heeseung x fem! reader

synopsis: you're best friends with Heeseung, and his dance partner in your dance academy, what happens when a certain performance of yours, leaves him wanting more of you?

warnings: marking, fingering, oral (reader receiving), use of profanity, unprotected sex (stay safe y'all), degrading, creampie, filming (consensual)

trope: dance partners! heeseung x reader

a/n: not proofread, lmao

mdni!!

--------------------------------

You were waiting for Heeseung outside the dance academy so that you could walk in together. He'd usually pick you up before going but you did not know why he said he couldn't pick you up today.

You finally saw him walking towards you, he was wearing a white tank top with black sweatpants, he'd paired it with his favorite baseball cap.

" Heeseung, you're 10 minutes late" you muttered

" I didn't ask you to wait for me, y/n. " he retorted

" What's wrong with you? why are you being so mean today?! did something happen?"

" It's nothing, I'm just having a bad day"

you giggled before answering

" Well, then buckle up, sweetie, because that's definitely going to change when you see my spectacular performance today"

" Oh yeah, you have that recording today, don't you? for the dance cover?"

" Yes sir!! and you're going to love the song that I've chosen"

" What song did you choose?"

" Bad Girls Like You by Tobii"

He snorted

" Yeah, as if you can pull that choreography off"

You rolled your eyes at his comment as you plopped your bag on the cold floor of the practice room.

Everyone had gathered to see your performance today, they recognized you as the best dancer in the academy.

" Y/n, the song that you've chosen is amazing, but I suggest that you perform with Heeseung, it gives the performance a sense of intimacy, like the song." said your trainer.

" But I didn't prepare the choreography with heeseung"

" Don't worry, I know the choreography, I can definitely perform with you, and improvise for parts I don't know."

" Great then, both of you can perform together, we'll begin in 5"

" God, Lee, do not ruin this, okay?" you muttered under your breath.

" Calm down, woman, i'll watch the choreography again if you'd like"

" Yes please!"

Heeseung watched the choreography a couple of times, you were lucky because he could learn choreographies easily, it was a piece of cake for him.

" Okay, let's begin, are you guys ready"

You nodded before getting to your positions.

" Starting in 3, 2, 1! "

The choreography came naturally to you, because you had practiced it so much that it became a part of your muscle memory.

You danced effortlessly to the song, pulling heeseung closer to yourself and grinding onto him for one part of the song. It caught him off guard, this was not part of the choreography, but he went along with it.

He couldn't comprehend why, but he liked the feeling of you against him, it made him hard. If it were up to him, he would've spanked your ass right then and there because of how good it felt against his cock, even if it was for barely 2 seconds.

Little did he know, the second time you started grinding against him, you felt him get hard.

He knew that everyone wanted the dance to be intimate so he gave them exactly that.

For the ending, he pulled you closer, wrapped one of your legs around his waist and kissed the spot between your collarbones.

You could feel his hard cock against your clothed cunt, which was now wet.

Everyone loved the performance and praised both of you for your immaculate skills.

After your performance, everyone just went back to practice their own choreographies.

Heeseung and you stayed back late, choreographing and recording another dance because you really had nowhere to be, maybe you didn't feel the tension when you were practicing, but you knew one thing, you were definitely going to go back home and finger yourself to the thought of heeseung, you were embarrassed about it but your wet pussy and hard nipples had a better grip on you than your conscience did.

" Do you want me to drop you off?"

"Sure, it's pretty late" you replied as you checked the time

It was 10:45 pm

You got inside heeseung's car, buckling your seatbelt.

Heeseung started driving, and none of you dared to utter a single word.

You kept thinking about how if no one was in the room during the performance, heeseung would've kissed your neck, sliding his hands under your top, unclasping your bra and massaging your tits.

Your train of thought was broken when you felt Heeseung's cold hand on your warm thigh, slowly inching up toward your shorts, squeezing your thigh lightly.

The feeling of his thick, veiny hand on your thigh made you let out a loud moan, which snapped you back to reality.

You turned to look at Heeseung, who gulped harshly, feeling his dick twitch at the sound of your moan.

Heeseung was hard beyond control, he knew that he wouldn't be able to relax until he flipped you over and fucked you, he knew that he wouldn't be able to calm down until he's filled your hole up.

So held himself back and drove to a relatively quieter place.

As he drove, you pulled his hand closer to your cunt and rubbed his fingers against yourself.

He pulled your shorts to the side, feeling your wetness through your underwear, moaning at the feeling of your wetness.

Heeseung pulled over to what looked like an abandoned parking lot.

Quickly unbuckling your seat belt, you climbed over to the driver's seat, sitting on his lap, resting your back against the steering wheel.

You stared at him for about a minute, maintaining eye contact, confirming that you both wanted to feel each other like never before.

He was quick to kiss you, his hand sliding across your torso, as you started to slowly ride his clothed cock, your hands tangling in his hair.

His white tank top was now translucent due to all the rigorous practice, you liked the feeling of his sweat on your palms.

You held his face in your hands as you moaned at the feeling of his body against yours.

He quickly stripped you out of your top, as he continued to moan onto your neck, leaving wet kisses, all over your body, as you still continued to grind against him.

Heeseung swiftly moved you to the back seat, hovering on top of you, after taking his tank top off

He kissed your neck, making you grip and tug his hair, moaning with pleasure and rolling your eyes as you bucked your hips up to feel his dick against your wetness.

He gradually moved down to your chest, leaving kisses onto your cleavage and tugging the material of your bra with his teeth

you sat back up, pushing him over, unhooking your bra, freeing your tits, making them bounce.

You were about to throw your bra towards the rest of your clothes but he snatched it from you, sniffing it, moaning as he bucked his hips into yours.

You spread your legs wide after he pulled your shorts down along with your underwear.

" look at that cunt, so gorgeous, dripping just for me."

He placed your right leg on his shoulder, as his hands caressed your leg, squeezing your thigh.

His left hand started to rub circles on your clit, making you moan loudly.

The windows of his car had started to fog up, his thumb swiping across your opening, he slowly leaned in to bury his face between your legs, making you shiver and jerk towards him.

Your grip on his hair started to get tighter, as you felt him spit into your hole, slowly licking your opening, making you shiver.

"Hee-fuck!" you groaned

He placed you back on the seat so that you were lying on the seat. Your hair started sticking to your body because of the sweat dripping down your neck.

Heeseung continued to lick around, caressing your clit with his thumbs, his nose rubbing against your clit every time he tilted his face.

" I'm cl-ose"

He stopped and got back up, making eye contact with you, swiftly sliding his middle finger in your hole, groaning at how you clenched around it.

"f-uck-you're so tight"

he then buried his face in your chest, licking your cleavage, moving his finger inside you, slowly adding another one in as you moaned.

You suddenly came undone all over his fingers, making him shut his eyes and moaning loudly.

"hm-ngh-such a whore for me"

He pulled his fingers out and wiped them off on your cleavage, leaning in to lick it off you, his hands each massaging your tits, squeezing them, slowly moving towards your nipple, sucking on it.

You screamed at the pleasure, your hands roaming all over his back, leaving scratches, digging into his skin.

Heeseung slid his boxers down and started to pump his cock, whining at the feeling of his cold hand on his shaft.

He sat back up, pulling you onto him, your back against his chest.

He slowly entered, your eyes rolling back as you rest your back on his chest, moaning loudly.

"ahh-mm-nghahh"

he started guiding you slowly, making you grind yourself on him, his right hand keeping you stable as his left hand squeezed your tits, moaning at the feeling of you on his cock.

You turned around to face him, stretching your hand to grab your phone from the passenger seat.

" Film me"

"wh-at?"

" Film me riding your cock, lee"

He took your phone, positioning it in his hand to film you

You started riding him, slowly, gradually increasing your speed as Heeseung continued to moan under you.

He filmed your tits bouncing up and down as you moaned his name, louder with every passing second.

You leaned in to mark his neck, leaving kisses on his adam's apple.

Heeseung groaned at the feeling of you grinding on his dick.

"I'm-gonna cum" you mumbled.

" Hold it in, you slut- fuc-k hold it in like a good whore-"

You started riding him faster, your moves getting sloppier until you both couldn't hold it in anymore and came together.

You screamed loudly at the feeling of him filling you up to the brim. Cum started flowing from your hole, as he lifted your leg up to film him cum dripping out of your hole.

" i can fuck you senseless forever"

"round 2?"

[theashemarie]

#10 :>

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

10. What are your top five fics by kudos [and] by reads?

Well babe, you probably already know this but... By kudos:

Aftershocks (ROTTMNT - No surprise)

Demo Brew (Splatoon/Pearlina)

The Old College Try / Very Thoughtful (Both ROTTMNT - They're tied!! Whaaaaat?)

"

Riding Out the Wave (Splatoon/Pearlina - Actually kinda surprised this one is so high up considering I haven't updated it in like 4 years.)

Actually a nice Splatoon and ROTTMNT spread! I'm impressed.

As for hits:

Aftershocks (Again no surprise.)

Foray (Sonic - A surprise contender! This one is bigger on FFN (where I was posting before ao3 was even a THING) so I'm super pleased to see that so many people have clicked on it over in the new neck of the woods, even if it is really rough.)

Demo Brew (Honestly didn't realize how big this one was because it's in a such a small fandom. The numbers are low compared to the rottmnt ones, but I generally don't look at the numbers on purpose so I'm :D )

Riding Out the Wave

Etched on the Body (Splatoon/Pearlina)

What can I say. The people like lesbians. (Me, I'm people.)

[sketchy-tour]

scuttles in

Dandy is precious and I feel like they would be friends with Gloom

Scuttles away

I AGREE I THINK THEY SHOULD BE FRIENDS!!!!

Gloom beloved @theknifeclown

[deerest-deer]

thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa

[epickiya722]

After eight hours, I gave up...

[sonysakura]

Hey, I'm so sorry you went through that with the Big Bang event. I chose not to participate because I remember two of the mods who have been throwing accusations around unfairly, and this spans years. I was hoping that they changed but it's kinda obvious from your experience that they haven't changed at all. It's a shame because they are bringing themselves and their own friends down in the end.

I hope you're doing okay now, and I hope you're not getting any backlash from a small loud corner of the internet. I hope you know that most people side-eye this particular group in fandom, and I hope you know that you're fine and were unfairly treated. This recent puritanical phenomena in fan spaces is getting exhausting and I hope they grow out of it soon.

Ask received on Jul 02, 2024 – 5:25 PM. Context.

I'll admit I didn't know about any previous events. I'm reading the stories a few people left on my post, and I'm horrified. Looks like I didn't even have it the worst!..

And yet. The funny part is that I had my suspicions, too, seeing how these people are either mods or fans of a certain project which posts a lot about how much they disapprove of NSFW or even people writing "wrong" dynamics for Sonadow. I had my suspicions, my intuition was screaming at me, but damn, I wanted a Sonic Big Bang! For years!! And there was nothing in the rules while these people don't usually hesitate to share their views, so I took my shot. Curse me for believing people can be mature and unbiased when organising events "for everyone" 🤷

Thanks for your concern, anon! No backlash for now, and I hope it stays that way 😖 There are people in my notes who seem to be amazed at my bravery and, guys, let me tell ya, I was shaking like a leaf when posting on Monday. And not just because I had a fever I went to sleep prepared for the worst: dozens of hate asks, being blocked by people I follow and by my followers or even my blog being mass-reported into oblivion, hate comments and unsubscriptions on Ao3, being dropped from some of my zines, etc. I went as far as to instruct my server members not to engage if we're raided sdfghjk But nope! The worst I got is a couple of popular artists, who I haven't even been following for a few years now, blocking me, and I'm side-eyeing one of them because bro, I still have your NSFW Sonadow art saved from that time we shared a private server... what are you blocking me about... 👀

But otherwise, this situation in the fandom truly is exhausting. Thank you for your kind words and hey, much strength to both of us 🫂

[friendshipgun]

🥰& 🤗

How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

oh yes, definitely! i'm always happy to talk about my fics c: i'd honestly probably ramble forever about them if i didn't think it'd bore people lol What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

general writing advice that i stand by is: read a whole heck of a lot. keep reading. read different genres and writing styles. for fic in specific i'd say: write what you yourself want to read. if you're engaged in what you're doing your readers will be too c: (plus you'll just be having a better time lol) also kind of more general advice but: write a lot. keep practicing and trying out new things (writing from different characters' povs; writing things you feel you're not great at--i see a lot of fic authors say they're not great at action scenes, for example; trying out a different tense or perspective than you usually use; etc etc.) but really, the more you practice the better you'll get, like that's incredibly basic advice but it's true lol. also bonus general advice that i personally think is helpful but ymmv: read poetry. try to write poetry if you don't already. there's so much you can learn about rhythm, word choice, imagery, etc etc that will really enrich your prose. it's actually something that i lowkey kind of keep regretting, that i stopped writing poetry, but i also think that it helped my prose TREMENDOUSLY, can't recommend it enough. (all of this is kind of general writing advice actually uh. i guess something concrete that is fic specific: if you're concerned with character voice, pay very close attention to how the character speaks in the source material. word choice, formality, sense of humor (do they have one lol), do they use expletives, are they verbose or not, etc etc. there's an additional dimension of: would they have knowledge about XYZ? is having that character make certain pop culture references going to seem natural or out of place? do they have expertise in a certain area that is going to come up in their speech (using jargon a lot, for example)? do they LACK knowledge of certain things that would make itself known in conversation with other characters? etc etc.) tho tbh i think that translates well to thinking about consistent characterization and character voice in original writing too, can't get away from general advice lol.

[singsweetmelodies]

nothing prepared me for the piarles queen joining the landoscar ship 😭

anon 🙈😭

well, first and foremost... "piarles queen," my ass. you're terribly kind to call me that, but it couldn't be further from the truth 🙈 i haven't been a very good piarlie at all lately, least of all when it comes to writing!! *checks AO3 and winces* yeah.... yeah.

SECONDLY! if it helps any 🥲 the whole landoscar thing took ME by surprise, too!! even six months ago, i was still firmly on board the "pffft, how would it even work between those two? as IF" train. but then... well. i blame my besties, actually - most specifically the lovely @welightitup, who sent me insta reels of that finish the lyric challenge/oscar "heart eyes" piastri moment and persuaded me to give a fic or two a try. and yeah, i'm afraid it's only been downhill from there - now, i not only see how they'd work together, but i'm also plotting a fic of my own for them. whoops. (but really: i'm just a girl, and when i started noticing the way oscar LOOKS at him, and the way lando acts around him, and the way they're everything you wouldn't expect to work but somehow it DOES work almost perfectly... yeah. YEAH.)

long story short - i'm in my landoscar era now 🙈🧡

[montammil]

i thought Charlotte and law were relatives 😭 since she says "aww i wanted to see my nephew" to marshall

In terms of canon, they really are just close friends (and can have a more sibling-like bond depending on your interpretation), since that's what I had in mind when writing them!!

I just really like to make an AU for everything XD

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

It's only the end of Tuesday and I'm already feeling exhausted...

[zukkaoru]

i was tagged by @meloneta to post my lock screen, last song listened to, last picture taken, and last picture saved.

my lockscreen is this art <3

not tagging anyone specific bc i'm tired but if you want to do it then i'm tagging you

[mortalityplays]

talking about impenetrable accents/dialect just reminded me. when I was in Milan a couple of years back I was staying in this little rathole hotel and I had the biggest fucking migraine, so I was like non c'è problema I'll just go buy painkillers. of course every pharmacy on the map in a three block radius was closed, so my stupid ass just starts wandering around trying to figure out on the fly if you can get OTC from supermarkets in italy.

I walk into this little everything store (to my foreign eyes the kind of place that back home could sell you a bunch of carrots, a 6-pack of beer, pantyhose, bleach and a screwdriver set) and I see some household basics in the back but not what I need. with the confidence of a person who is only in the city for 3 days because he got bored and packed a bag and booked the cheapest flight available the week before (<= MENTAL ILLNESS), I was like no worries I know some italian, I can just ask.

I grab a bottle of water, walk up to the counter, and I'm like Ciao, hai il paracetamolo? And the guy is like che, and I'm like paracetamolo. Per la mia testa. And he's like che?

This is where I would have said 'aspirina' except I can't take aspirin for medical reasons, or 'antidolorifico' except I don't know that word and I've got no phone data for google translate and also I'm stupid. So in my fucked up leith-glasgow-italian accent I'm like paaa-ra-cetta-mollll-ooo. He's like ohhh bene, bene, and he calls another guy out of the back and asks him to go get something. Other guy then walks out of the store into the street, and before I can be like hey, che la fuck, he comes back and hands me a huge bundle of herbs.

At this point I'm like okay this entire interaction has been a bust, but these guys have been very nice and patient and they're both smiling happily at me because they've been of service, so I'm like ahh perfetto, grazie, pay them a couple of euros and leave.

EVENTUALLY I find a pharmacy that's open, and my head is fucking killing me, and my phone still isn't connecting, and now I have this small shrubbery poking out of my coat pocket, so I don't even bother looking around the shelves. I just walk straight to the counter and I'm like uhh ciao, scusi. And hearing my nightmare of an accent the guy answers in english and I'm like thank christ, do you please have paracetamol. Not aspirin, I can't take aspirin. And he's like yeah yeah hold on, goes into the back, comes out with what I need.

Only when he comes out he gives me this look, and then he starts laughing. And then he pretends he's not laughing and rings me up and I pay, and as I'm leaving I can see him losing it. But I don't care, my head is going to explode, I'm going back to the rathole to close the blinds and fall comatose for four hours.

When I get back to my hotel room I take off my coat and remember the huge bouquet of herbs in my pocket. They smell amazing, and I'm like I'm pretty sure this is parsley in which case I can just get some tomatoes and mozzarella later and make it work. but since I have no idea what that interaction was, I want to make sure. I bring out my phone to get a visual reference of what parsley leaves look like, and because I was using it for google translate earlier I put 'parsley' in the wrong box like a dope and translate it to italian.

prezzemolo

I wish I could have been the pharmacist in the moment he looked at my tired pissed off anglophone ass, heard me say 'paracetamol' in my fucked up accent, and turned around saw what was in my pocket. I'd have lost my shit too.