#don't tell anyone else but I made these a month ago for a different project

[ink-ghoul]

🦞

[kedreeva]

Okay so, I don't think I've spoken of the saga here yet but! Gather round. I shall tell you a long story about the bird I just acquired and why she is VERY IMPORTANT.

At the beginning of last fall, I started looking into quail genetics a little more, because I got tired of not being able to sex my Celadon quail by their feathers. Originally I thought I could kill 2 birds (ok maybe more) with 1 stone and order nice jumbo wild type (which MANY places advertised as wild type jumbo) hatching eggs, and this would help me put some size on the Celadons (jumbo) while also making them feather sexable (wild type). Perfect!

But then I come to find out that pretty much all jumbo lines are jumbo BROWNS, as in they all have the sex linked brown (SLB) gene. So, I was a little confused and a LOT annoyed because I wanted to work specifically with the wild type color/pattern. No mutations just straight, plain wild type.

And EVERYWHERE I looked - major production hatcheries, private breeders through websites, Facebook groups, local swaps, craigslist, e v e r y w h e r e -

People ONLY had SLB.

This spring I came across a video showing about the differences between SLB and wild type and I figured if the person who made it can tell, maybe she will have some. So I looked her up (not in a stalker way, her farm name was stamped on the video and took me to the website), and what luck! She was in Michigan! Upper Michigan, so still a hike, but not California, y'know?

So I shot her an email and explained that I was looking for WT and that her site said she bred them and that people could do local pickup. She responded yeah she's totally got a bunch! And I said great, I'm also in Michigan, albeit far away, but I don't mind driving 7+ hours each way, because I really need actual, trusted WT for sure birds for my celadon project, can I come pick them up?

Cue the most frankly bizarre email chain in my short life. As soon as I mentioned that I was going to drive, or perhaps that I had a genetics plan in place, she got super sketchy and started saying how she hadn't really paid as close attention to SLB vs. WT, that it mattered less than she thought it would when she started, that I shouldn't focus on that either, and also that "fawn celadon is practically unheard of" in the hobby and "you should focus on a clean Tibetan because it's hard to find without roux in it) implying that I should concentrate on those things instead. And concluded by telling me if I really want WT, to contact this other person (why happens to be someone I can't stand). It all sounded VERY much like she didn't have wild type males, after all, and had thought I didn't know the difference so it wouldn't actually matter. But, it does. It actually matters a lot to me.

So I messaged back to say, well, I don't want to do any of those things, I specifically want to work with this set of genetics and you said you have them so I shouldn't have to go to anyone else??

And then she went radio silent for a week. I kind of figured I'd called a bluff, and that she was one of dozens of people I'd contacted who'd said they had WT only to find out they had SLB. I get that it's difficult to see the difference, but this particular person was the president of the American Coturnix Breeders Association or whatever (found out it's actually just a club formed by her and her friends a year ago, so not as impressive as it sounds, considering they don't actually DO anything- no putting on shows, no newsletters, no certifications, no public breeder directory, no finished SOP, nada), so I kind of expected she should know what she's talking about, if anyone does.

Eventually, after a week, she responded that she had been judging at a county fair, but she had a few heterozygous males (WT het roux, which is fine) and she could set a hatch for me for more if I wanted to come at the end of the month, but she's in WI now, not MI. I said sure, since where she was in WI was actually closer than where she'd been in the UP, and we arranged date/time.

The day of, my neighbor friend, Jude, comes with me for company/keeping me awake through the 15 hours driving round trip. It's a pleasant enough drive. We arrived at a cutesy little house on the edge of town that looks like anyone's house in a neighborhood, with a spacious lawn. The person meets us and takes me around the side of the house to a 6x6x1.5 or so chicken tractor, where she's got some male coturnix. She pulls the available males for me to look through and... fam, they ALL looked SLB, to me.

Now, she swore to me up and down that they couldn't be anything except WT het for roux, because of the way she is breeding them. But I've put these birds next to my SLB males and if I didn't have my males banded, I would not ever have told the difference between them. I still picked up 4 of them, because I will give it a go- worst case, I can produce plain Roux hens/plain Roux males for use in breeding later, best case they do actually produce WT hens and they just LOOK SLB and I have to figure out what the differences are. I don't want to leave without seeing her hens, which she has told me are all WT (which is why the males HAVE to be het for it), and she takes me back. Now the hens, the hens are easy to see the difference. White bellies first of all, but the chest feathers are also wildly different! The shafts are white, the dot around the shaft is dark, ringed in red, ringed in white. On an SLB, the shafts aren't white, it's just a black dot surrounded in a red feather, and the belly is all red/buff/cream, not white.

This is what an SLB hen looks like:

So I take a nice long look to memorize the color, and thank her for showing me and meeting, and we head back home.

I do fecals when I get home because all of the males are VERY thin, no meat on them at all, and since she said she'd been feeding Purina (garbage for fowl feeds), I figured that was why, but no- HUGE coccidia loads in all of them. So I treated them and got them on a better feed. They immediately began putting on meat, and they're find now.

The rest of this summer, I have spent going to local bird swaps and inspecting all of the quail I could find, hoping to find one (1) actual wild-type phenotype bird. Hundreds and hundreds of birds, I have pawed through them all, being super obnoxious to the owners I'm sure, holding and inspecting males. I found ONE suspected WT male (and this is a HUGE "suspected," he could very well be SLB with low red expression). I compared him when I got home and I'm doubting myself still, so I don't know if I will ever actually pair him with the SLB hens or if I'll just wait til I have a roux set.

Regardless, it's been a dry season for getting what I want. It's been a dry YEAR. Yesterday was another swap and more hundreds of quail and me pawing through all of them.

Until.

My eyes landed upon.... her.

If you've only lived in an area that has american crows and not ravens, you find yourself wondering if crows are ravens. You see a big crow and you think wow! maybe that is a raven! It could be a crow, but it's seems bigger so maybe it's a raven. But, if you take a trip to a place with ravens, and you see one for the first time, you realize that there is no question, when you see a raven. When you see a raven in person, there's no question and not only is there no question, you wonder how you could ever have thought a crow was a raven. It's laughable, while looking at the raven.

That's how finding this bird felt. I'd been picking up every SLB hen and going maybe this is actually WT? It could be SLB but maybe it's WT? But the second I laid eyes on her in the middle of a pack of SLB with some mixed colors, I knew I was looking at WT hen, and I can't imagine how I ever thought maybe an SLB hen was WT.

Here's a better photo of her chest and belly (she's beat UP from her previous home, the back of her head and most of her rump are plucked clean from males). You can see the white shafts and the white belly.

And some other pics of her, showing the grey-brown on her side and back- VERY different than the SLB hens

I can't express how stoked I am about this bird. This is the first time after a LOT of effort and time, that I have felt confident I am holding the bird I want.

She's also the indicator that I have a LOT of work ahead of me.

My end goal is to have birds that look like her, weigh 12-14oz, and lay large, blue eggs. I have birds that lay large, blue eggs, I have birds that weigh 12-14oz live weigh, and now I have at least 1 bird that looks like her, which means I can make more that look like her. The first step is cleaning the color mutations out of the celadon line without losing the celadon eggs. This is going to be a bit of a nightmare, BUT, I have a friend helping me out with getting a few celadons that are either WT or SLB (I'm guessing SLB all things considered) to start the work with. I will work over the winter to get a few more actual WT birds here, and to start crossing out the celadons with the SLB jumbos to clean out the other feather color mutations. Once I'm down to just SLB and celadon for mutations, I can clean the SLB out with the WT and roux lines.

This project will likely take me a good 2 years, maybe 3, to complete and then test breed to ensure I haven't lost the celadon gene and I don't have any hidden recessives lingering about. But just having the fucking materials to do it all on hand now is a huge step forward from where I was when I decided to start the project.

[ashwhowrites]

Enemies to lovers Eddie Munson x Cheerleader! Reader, maybe some months ago Reader was trying to tell Eddie that she liked him, but Eddie was talking with his friends about how he doesn't like cheerleaders and jocks and that made Reader angry at him bc she thought that he liked talking to her (she was his client) so after that Reader started to act cold towards him, and Eddie did the same with her. One day, they got paired together for a Literature project, and they went to Reader's house to work on that but they only spend the afternoon fighting, a day later they went to Eddie's and they were fighting, again, but then they just stayed in silence and started kissing each other and that's when Reader confesses her feelings for Eddie and tells him that's she heard what he said, and he's like I wasn't talking about you, I liked you too, I still like you, and then they have make up sex (if you're comfortable writing that!) and start their relationship

No smut :/ I'm sorry

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting <3

Y/N spent as much time thinking about Eddie as she did talking about Eddie. If she ever wanted to hide the fact she liked him, she couldn't. It was written on her face.

Which is why her friends are sick of her doing nothing to make a move. Chrissy was a girly girl herself, she knew Y/N wanted Eddie to make the move. She wanted Eddie to go after her so she felt wanted. But Chrissy also knew Eddie would never ask out a girl he believed to be out of his league.

After weeks and weeks of Y/N's friends pushing her to ask out Eddie, she was ready to do it.

She tried to shake off her nerves. Her fingertips gripped her textbooks tightly as she walked toward Eddie and his group of friends.

She was a few feet away, close enough to hear him but not close enough for anyone to recognize her.

"You asked my opinion and I gave it. I think asking out Rachel is a disgrace to our kind. She's a cheerleader and friends with all those jocks. Is she going to stand up for you when your ass is being kicked? Nah, I don't think so. Because she's a cheerleader and those are heartless shells."

Y/N felt herself freeze at Eddie's words. Any bit of confidence was washed away as his words traveled down the hall. She knew Eddie didn't like the popular crowd, but she thought he moved past it. She thought she was changing that perspective. Is that all he saw her as? A cheerleader?

Before she heard anything more hurtful, she raced right past.

~~~

"Oh yeah? What about Y/N?" Mike snapped back, ever since his breakup with El, he's had his eyes on someone new. And all he wanted was advice and instead, he pissed off Eddie.

"She's different." Eddie shrugged, in his mind there was no comparison between Y/N and any other girl.

"Because she's yours?" Mike argued.

"He wishes!" Dustin laughed.

"No! Because Y/N has shown to be sweet, kind, and accepting with everyone. She's more than just a cheerleader, but I can't say the rest about the team. Mike, you need to understand some girls are only cheerleaders when the outfit is on, find one like that." Eddie said, smacking down on Mike's shoulder.

~~~

Y/N felt too embarrassed to be near Eddie. She didn't know if this whole time he couldn't stand her. They never hung out outside of deals, maybe he only dealt with her because he had to.

She stopped buying from him and went cold turkey. She didn't bother talking to him in the halls, didn't look in his direction, and acted like he didn't exist.

Eddie noticed the cold shoulder immediately, and it hurt. He didn't understand the sudden change of attitude but he also didn't give it a second thought. Maybe she wasn't as good of a person as he thought.

~~~

Over the next few weeks, they didn't speak to each other. Until they got paired together for a school project. Y/N immediately wanted to beg for someone else but the teacher was strict and didn't handle the backtalk well.

It was awkward, and they both hated that feeling. Eddie sat on her floor, her feet dangling off the bed. She read out loud the book, but his mind was elsewhere. Her room was what he thought it would be, and he adored all the framed photos she had. Her room looked just as sweet as he always thought she was.

"If you aren't going to pay attention, I'll just do it myself." She snapped, and the heavy book slammed shut.

Eddie jumped at the noise but recovered quickly. "Sorry, I was just observing your room." He admitted.

"Well don't. Not like you'll ever be in it again anyway." She snapped again. It hurt her a little to say, a small reminder that they weren't friends and they wouldn't hang out like she wished.

"Yeah, got it." He said back, same snappy tone.

"Look you don't get to have an attitude with me!" She argued she didn't do anything wrong.

"Oh, why? Because we don't get to speak unless it's on your terms? And I'm just supposed to be cool with that? You completely flipped the script on me so yeah, I'm a little pissed!" He argued back. If anyone was allowed to be annoyed, it was him. He was ignored without an explanation.

"Flipped the script? No, what happened was you talked shit behind my back and I finally figured out how you thought of me." She said, her anger leaving as a small amount of sadness settled in her chest.

"Who told you that crap?" Eddie said he felt the want to roll his eyes.

"YOU!" She yelled, she stood up and towered over him. "I heard everything you said to Mike. You went on and on about how cheerleaders are heartless. I can't imagine the other things you said before or after."

Eddie tried to remember what she was talking about, the realization hitting him. He stood up fast, a fast apology on his lips.

"No no no! I did say that yes, but not about you! I would never say those things about you." He tried to grab her hand but she smacked it away.

"Ow" he muttered

"How did you not say that about me? I'm a cheerleader!"

"I know!" He panicked, "but I said so many things after that. You must have walked away or didn't hear me because I explained you were nothing like that."

Y/N felt a part of herself believing him. He sounded so panicked, which meant he was caught or he was trying to prove his innocence and needed her to trust him.

"What did you say?" She asked

"I explained to Mike that the girl he's interested in doesn't care about him. And I knew that because of what you showed me. I see how sweet and caring you are. You're nice to everyone and you don't use your popularity to have power over anyone. You aren't just a cheerleader, you are so much more than that. That's why you are different and that's why I'd never say mean things about you." His words and eyes were pleading for her to believe him. "I'm so sorry you got hurt."

"Well I shouldn't listen to people's conversations," she shrugged, " I appreciate your apology and I accept it. I'm sorry for not talking to you about it. I was hurt because I like you. And I was planning to ask you out when I heard everything." She admitted she turned her head to the floor, her cheeks flamed with embarrassment.

"Holy shit!" He exclaimed, "You like me? And like me enough to want to ask me out?" Eddie couldn't believe his ears. He wanted the same thing, obliviously, but he never thought he had the chance.

She gave him a look and he moved on. It was clear she liked him and she gave him an opening.

He moved his feet forward until there wasn't space between them. His eyes searched into hers for a sign, when her eyes flipped down to his lips he got his answer.

He licked his lips nervously, his hand reaching to cup her chin as he leaned in. His heart raced when she leaned in, both closing their eyes in sync.

Her stomach fluttered when she felt his lips. He smiled when he felt her kiss back, her hands slid around to his back. Her palms were flat against his shirt.

They kissed for as long as they could. Whenever one of them went to pull away, they'd drag them right back in.

Eddie couldn't wait to shove this in Mike's face.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37

[save-the-villainous-cat]

"What's up, Supes?"

The hero froze. The file was basically glued to their hand. They looked up, only to find the villain lean against the doorway. They wiggled with their eyebrows, a smug grin on their face and admittedly, the hero had to swallow.

"Hi."

"Whatcha up to?"

"Just, you know...cleaning."

"Cleaning?"

"Yup."

The villain shook their head and clicked with their tongue, clearly not buying any of the hero's lies. It had been a perfect plan. Up until now. The hero cursed under their breath.

"How long has it been? Three months?" the villain asked. They pushed themselves off the doorframe and approached the hero with slow, careful steps.

"Three and a half, if you want to be nitpicky," the hero said. They didn't know what to do with the file in their hands, let alone with themselves.

"Mhmm. So, we haven't seen each other in three and a half months and now you're at my party. In my office. Cleaning."

"You got it." The hero made very awkward finger guns and winked, as if that could come close to saving them.

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice you?" the villain asked. They laughed softly. "That I wouldn't recognise you?"

The hero shrugged lazily. They were so fucked.

"Ahh, come on. It's not like you weren't hoping for this to happen, huh?" They leaned over the table, one hand on it, the other hiding the file behind their back. "Isn't destiny such a funny little thing?"

"Well, I was hoping to see you again. I didn't want you to steal from me, though." The villain stopped at the other side of the table and leaned forward, almost like the hero. "The file, Supes."

"I don't really like that nickname."

"Superhero. Supes. You'll manage." The villain offered their hand, expecting the hero to give them the file. "I can also call you Darling if you want me to."

Suddenly, the hero's nervousness turned into embarrassment.

"I was on sabbatical."

"Bullshit."

"I was busy...missing you?" the hero tried and at least that worked a little. The villain crossed their arms in front of their chest, raising an eyebrow.

"Go on."

"Oh, you know, I was really busy with superhero stuff. Saving people, arresting villains...and all of that just made me think of you and well, here I am!" They smiled brightly to make an attempt to trick the villain but both of them knew it was a rather sad try. "Surprise!"

"You're adorable." The villain walked around the table and the hero didn't dare to move. "Just tell me you were busy with...I don't know, a certain project I am not supposed to know about?"

Uh-oh.

"Whaat? You're crazy."

"A certain mission?"

The hero panicked. No one was supposed to know about this, least of all the villain. So, there wasn't exactly a solution except for impulsive decisions. The hero didn't always perform perfectly under pressure. Without really thinking, they grabbed the villain and kissed them hard. As a response, the villain hummed quietly. Caught off guard but definitely satisfied. The hero found it quite adorable.

They didn't really know what they were doing. The last time they had kissed anyone was for some publicity a few months ago. But this was different. They could feel their heart rage in their chest, as if they were going to explode any second now. Although they were quite experienced, they couldn't remember this ever happening.

Surprisingly, the villain not only kissed them back, but also pulled them a little closer.

For a moment, the hero lost themselves in the intimacy but then, they pulled out the handcuffs. With a click, they cuffed the villain to their own computer.

"You're evil," the villain whispered against their lips. The hero's hands were shaking. They had never kissed anyone like this. It had never felt like this before. They didn't want to think about the implications.

"I'm your Supes," the hero said. With the villain cuffed, they felt a little more confident. "Don't steal files just because you want to see me."

"Says you."

"This is really important and you should not put your nose into someone else's business."

"Again, rich coming from you," the villain said. They scrunched their nose. "Let me guess, this is too dangerous?"

"Exactly," the hero whispered. "I'll...I'll see you once this is all over."

They took one last look at the villain before they walked out of the office.

[hadeslegacyhephgirl]

Soulmate au pt1

here is the first part. FINALLY. Sorry it took so long, I like, promised this about a month ago (or it feels like that)

So enjoy, and I'm going to stress about my upcoming English and Hass exams. 😥

----------------------I------------------------------

People at Camp Half-blood hummed.

People at Camp Jupiter whistled

The new girl came to camp singing.

~*~ She was nothing special, just another Apollo kid.

Just another half-blood.

She never interacted with anyone she deemed not worth my fucking time, which was slightly rude, but people accepted it. Ares' kids were worse, to be honest- wait, Clarisse, no I didn't mean it like tha-

Her powers consisted of… almost nothing. She could play the guitar, though it took her a while to actually pick one up- memories and trauma, she told them- and the tunes were half-forgotton remnants of old tunes her dad had taught her, or she'd taught herself. She could aim well, though that wasn't surprising, most Apollo kids had good aim anyway. She loved music and ballet, though that was useless in battle. She couldn’t handle blood at all, which excluded her from the infirmary, though she liked organising the med kits, so at least she wasn't all bad.

All in all, she was just another half-blood. No-one had heard her soul-tune yet, in fact, she hadn't hummed or whistled or made any kind of music with her mouth.

In fact, for the first three days, no-one could get anything out of her but hi and fuck off.

So they would shrug, move along, leave her buried in on book or another, generally ignoring the world.

No-one even knew her name.

~*~

Jason had two problems.

The first problem being that he doesn't feel right about Piper. He thinks it's wrong that their soulmates.

Don't get him wrong, he loved Piper. Just... not that way.

He whistled, she hummed, and while the tune matched... it didn't feel right. Like it was a tune so similar, but just off.

Could that be it?

Could Piper and Jason have different soulmates?

The second problem was Leo.

Who had just come back from the dead and locked himself in his cabin- room? Cave?- and refused to talk to anyone.

Not even Jason.

His best friend.

He tried everything. But Leo just would not connect.

Like it was just Leo and everything else wasn't there.

Jason was worried. Because Leo was his best friend and well- he was worried, okay? He can be worried.

So he could do something about it, right?

Fuck it.

Jasons feet took him to Bunker nine, in the forest. The door was open.

Jason peered into the half-gloom and called out

"Leo?" Clanking.

But no response.

Jason sighed and walked it, looking at the half-finished projects, dust tools, torn plans. It looked abandoned. Sad.

Just like it's inhabitant.

Leo was bent over another small project, but gave up and threw it at the wall, and then just sat there, slumped over.

Jason didn't want to break the silence. So he padded over quietly and simply sat next to Leo, taking him in.

Leo was tired. Jason could tell from his slumped position, his enormous eyebags, and, well, because Jason just knew.

Then Jason raked his eyes down Leo's body- he's not checking him out, for fucks sake, he's just checking to make sure he's okay is what he tells himself- and noticed his hands.

Scraped and calloused and bloody, dried blood mixing with new cuts on his hands.

Jason can't keep it in any longer

"Oh Leo"

Leo doesn't react. Jason gets up, searches around, comes back with a clean cloth and a roll of bandages and sits in front of Leo, cleaning his hands and bandaging them. Leo doesn't move.

Until his mouth does, and his voice comes out as a croak.

"I thought- I just- she-" Jason exhaled. He got it. "Calypso?" Leo nodded slightly. "I'm sorry."

"'s not your fault"

"I know, but still." "I- I feel like I- failed- and that- that-" Leo broke down, and Jason encapsulated him in a hug, letting Leo soak Jasons shirt with tears and snot until it reduced to hitched breathing and hiccups. Jason doesn't say a word.

"I'm sorry" Jason has to stop himself from physically shaking Leo.

"Leo." "I- I'm a fuckup- jus- just like-" "Leo" "a-and I can't-" "Leo, listen to me. You are not a fuck-up, okay? You are human, and shutting down is perfectly alright, okay? You have nothing to apologise for, okay? Nothing" "… okay"

~*~

Nico was hiding.

He did a lot of that nowadays, but now he was hiding for a very specific reason.

Because he'd just heard Will fucking Solace humming his soulmate tune.

Will fucking Solace was Nico di angelo's soulmate.

So Nico was hiding.

Why?

He had no idea.

After all, he shouldn’t have a soulmate, as far as he's concerned.

Heck, he came from the 1800's.

Why the fuck would Will Solace be his soulmate?

Just how the heck did that work?

Nico buried his face in his hands, trying to block everything out because it was all to lou-

"Nico?"

Shit

Nico ran.

Again.

Because there was no way he's talking to Will now, or possibly ever

~*~

---------------------------I---------------------------

[youremyheaven]

I love the way you advice a lot of people here, so I wanna open up and tell you what's happening in my love life to see what you can say to me, maybe it'll make me feel better afterwards.

So, I'm seeing this guy for 8 months now, we're working together in a project. He's 12 years older than me (he's 37), has a little girl of 4, and he's single.

Since we started hooking up, he always told me he didn't wanted a relationship with anyone. He sees other people, he told me that even. He's honest with his intentions with me, he never made anything more to seems he wanted something more than casual sex with me. Until now..

The funny part is that I was a virgin, and as we were seeing each other, he didn't wanted to have sex with me, he thought it was too much responsibility for him to do so.

I understood and last month when I convinced myself he'd never ever have sex with in the near future, he decided it was ok and we did it a few days after my birthday.

It was his gift for me, and it was very special. A few days earlier of all of this , we had an event in our job/project when he saw my little sister and my parents, he interacted with them the whole night and he wanted to kiss me so bad that day, but we agreed to let things under the surface.

Anyway, a few days passed, I had my first time. 2 weeks later was his birthday then. Everything was too deep and close to home for him in the beginning of our situationship (EVEN GOING OUT ON A DATE WAS TOO MUCH lmao) but since we had sex, AFTER MONTHS SEEING EACH OTHER, last week he asked me to join him in the shower and we showered together and then we had sex again (I guess it was my birthday gift for him). He's being pretty affectionate, we're not having sex, we're making love.... anyways, I'm falling deeply in love with him, I finally accepted that within myself after a looong time denying.

Last week he told me laughing that he saw my best friend on tinder, and that broke my heart :)))))) wtf why are you still on tinder, are you denying your feelings too!?!? I kinda showed him I was disappointed, and he told me I should have other guys too....

Girl I swear to god, I don't know what to think, I just need to tell him as soon as possible that I'm in love with him and I'm leaving this for good, I don't wanna get hurt. We're still going to work together... deep inside I'm hopeful he's changing his mind about having something more with me (the last time he told me about having something more with anyone was 3 months ago), but idk, I don't wanna be delusional. He had his heart broken with his ex and he still sees her, they have a child together so I know that's hard for him. But I like him so so so much, I wanted to have a chance to show him he can be loved again.

That's it, sorry for the long text but I feel fucked up :(

First of all, tysm cutie 🥰🥺🫶🏼💛

I don't want to make it seem like I know everything or whatever bc God knows I don't lmao 🤣😭

All that said. I completely understand how different circumstances persuade us to act in ways that are at odds with common sense and love/romance/relationships etc is one such area

I don't know how else to say it to you and I apologise in advance for being blunt but this man does not love you or care for you. Please RUN from him. He had EIGHT whole months with you and he was seeing other people??? That itself is insane to me. You wanted your first time to be with him, it happened etc, that's okay. However I gently want to break it to you that if someone does not love/like you/ want to be with you/committed to you before having sex with you, they're not going to change their mind afterwards either. Sex is very emotionally charged for women but I will say that men absolutely do not have the same relationship with sex. Sex is just sex to them.

I'm not trying to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel but it's highly likely that the "falling deeply in love" bit is just a consequence of having sex with someone. You form an energetic bond with someone when you're intimate with them, you're literally holding them INSIDE your body. All the endorphins will make it seem like you're in lOooOve and a lot of people struggle to leave toxic relationships because of sex. What I mean when I say that is not that the sex is euphoric or mind-blowing but that the act of being intimate with someone is so vulnerable and deep (for the lack of a better word??) and it's hard to just break things off and move on. Being in a relationship or having sex with the same person repeatedly means you physically become attached to them. When moms breastfeed their babies, it's hard to wean them off even if the baby no longer needs to rely on breast milk to survive. It's bc the baby is physically attached to the act of being held and nourished. And to quit that, is hard. Same applies to sex. It's not exactly "love" bc this man does absolutely nothing but hurt your feelings and that's not love. You're emotionally attached to him bc you've been naked and vulnerable with him.

That tinder thing is just sooo 🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢ewww DUMP THAT MAN NOW

Please don't be delusional about his interest in you because he is just using you for sex. I want you to understand that when someone actually genuinely likes you, their ex wife, dating apps, or even the oncoming apocalypse could not stop him. If he's not ready for you, he just doesn't want you enough. If you genuinely love someone, you'll work thru whatever tf you're going thru on your own to be with them. You'll never have to beg someone to treat you right 😮‍💨

Everything this guy says is just a lame excuse to keep you on the loop 😡😠 DUMP HIS OLD ASS AND find a lover boy who only has eyes for you 😍🧿💛💛💛💛DONT SETTLE for someone who isn't even giving you the bare minimum!!!!

[chancerei]

WWP Checkpoint 2: Top Modeled

never let anyone tell you you're done learning. this shit is so fun

It's really amazing how much of a difference it makes knowing what you're doing. A few months ago, I

did 100% of my texture work externally because

I didn't know how to texture paint and wouldn't bother to learn, and

had to use some pretty horrendous work-arounds because of it.

(this is actually why I ended up shelving this project for so long)

In case you're wondering what that leads to, I present the old version of the texture map:

As opposed to the previous version, which consisted almost entirely of models other people had made, poorly mapped over with assorted gradients, hard shapes, and other people's textures. There's a reason I didn't feel this was good enough to release. To compare, here's the new texture map:

Look, I'm not trying to say it's perfect. It's not. But consider: this is the second time I've done anything like it. Which means it's time for the crux of this update:

You can too. the only thing I used to make this half-competent texture (and the model it's mapped to) is a $20 writing tablet I bought for Japanese writing input during college.

And hey, if 3D modeling isn't your thing, try learning something else. I'm not here to tell you what to do, just to tell you you are capable of great things if you just put aside "I can't."

Anyway,

You may also have noticed the lack of a skirt on the second image. This is because I've decided to split the full outfit into a top and a bottom. I figure most people will use them together, but I wanted to leave the options open for reasons I'd rather not explain quite yet.

The slight downside, however, is that the top requires a bit of extra texture space for the details (bells, buttons, straps). Technically TS4 doesn't give extra map space for tops, only bottoms (?), so I've had to use some of that space for the top. It shouldn't be a problem fitting everything in, but it may effect compatibility with some bottom items. Again, I don't anticipate that to be a big issue, and I've placed the potential problem pieces out of the way to mitigate, but I figure I may as well document it regardless.

With all that being said, here's the progress update!

(percent completion definitely doesn't reflect time investment required)

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: child abuse, implied violence

AO3 link

Chapter 14 - Wylan

Going to see Jesper had been a mistake. Wylan could see that now. How damn ironic, he knew, but still. He shouldn’t have gone back to the university, and he didn’t really know why he’d done it. I really just wanted to say goodbye. What could he have possibly stood to gain?

It had been surprisingly easy to slip out of the house. Wylan’s door actually hadn’t been locked most of this week, but he didn’t know that because he hadn’t bothered to try it and he hadn’t been paying enough attention when the servants came in and out with his food to listen for the clicking sound. Only once had someone spoken to him; Paige, a maid a similar age to Wylan and a girl with whom he had made occasional conversation before Anya had been sent away. He didn’t put anyone through the n danger of his presence, after that. 

“Master Van Eck?” she’d asked nervously, setting a little tray onto the table.

Wylan blinked slowly, his unseeing eyes staring focused on the curtains and without bothering to turn towards the sound of her voice. 

“He’s not here,” 

Paige stared at him for a moment quite startled, and then left the room. He wondered if she would leave the door unlocked for him, as she had once before a long time ago, or if she was done taking punishments on his behalf. He hoped she wasn’t foolish enough to help him. He didn’t try the door. 

“Why does nobody in this house have half a brain but you?” Anya had asked him once, folding her arms into a grumpy knot.

They were sitting in the Grisha workshop at the back of the house, Anya’s deft fingers just finished moving over a purple bruise on Wylan’s arm. He didn’t remember how it had got there by now, but he remembered sitting there with her as it shrank beneath her touch. Wylan was pretty sure that if he were the one with half a brain they’d be in a very different situation, but all he said was:

“What do you mean?”

She jutted her chin towards the door of the workshop, where a servant had just left after bringing them both tea, apparently forgetting that Wylan wasn’t supposed to be able to see the gesture. 

“They must know what is happening,” she said, “Why do they let it?”

Wylan wasn’t sure he knew what she meant. No-one else in the house knew that Wylan’s blindness was false or the reasoning behind it, or as far as he knew anyway. The only person he’d ever voiced it aloud to was Anya, even private conversations with his father treated the lie as a fact, and Wylan found Even Alys believed the half-baked story of an accident of undisclosed nature, but this conversation had come long before her appearance in the house. 

“They must see what he does, hear him talk to you,”

Wylan shrugged.

“So what?”

“So are they all fools?” she’d asked impatiently, “Why do they not help you? Tell someone?”

Wylan almost laughed.

“Tell whom?”

“I don’t kn- the stadwatch,” 

“So they can be discredited, ignored, and lose their employment?” he asked, out of habit running his hand along the table until he found his mug instead of just lifting the tea straight to his lips, “There’s no need to help me, and even if they wanted to they’ve no choice,”

Anya’s frown just deepened. 

“They have more choice than you or I,”

Wylan felt uncomfortable to be aligned with her like that; it felt cruel on his behalf to try and compare their situations. Anya had far less than Wylan ever would and even if his autonomy was half as limited as hers she had not brought such things upon herself, as he had. Anyway, Wylan didn’t need help because all of this was necessary - but the last time he tried to point that out to Anya she’d fallen quiet for a time. When he turned to see her, wondering what had happened and if he ought to try and draw her back into conversation, she’d looked like she might be about to cry. He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d done to upset her, but avoided mentioning such things after that. Maybe she was ashamed of their comfort with each other, when she remembered what he was. Anya didn’t believe in Ghezen but Wylan didn’t doubt people could be curses from the Saints as well, and he supposed it made her nervous to be confronted by it. He didn’t want to lose her, so he kept quiet. 

Wylan wondered what Anya would say to him now. He hoped that wherever she was she was safe. Maybe he could try to find her - but he had no idea where to start, and he had no money to free her from her indenture. And he would need someone to read her contract; he couldn’t trust anyone but her for that, and she didn’t read much Kerch.

But since telling him about Belendt, Wylan’s father had seemed to be in the closest he could get to a pleasant mood. When he and Alys left that morning - he hadn’t deigned to tell Wylan where they were going and Wylan didn’t really care - Wylan watched them go from his bedroom window. It wasn’t until they’d disappeared from view that he ventured to his door and found it was unlocked. 

He made it back in time for his absence to remain unnoticed, but it all left a gnawing feeling in his gut.

I can’t let you go back.

But Jesper didn’t know what he was. He shouldn’t have gone. He should have just vanished and faded and let himself be forgotten. He was almost looking forward to that. Wylan couldn’t lie to himself enough to believe that things would be different in Belendt; he would still be lying about his sight, and it would make him too noticeable to have his name unsaid. Maybe he would be far away enough from Ketterdam that being a Van Eck didn’t mean being one of those Van Ecks, but maybe his blindness would just pin him to it anyway. Still, it was another chance - and he wasn’t going to screw this one up. 

He was to leave tomorrow morning, with the sunrise his father had said, so now he packed his things together as nearly and as quickly as he could manage; the trunk that would follow after him was mostly just filled with folded piles of his clothes, but in his travel bag he had clothes for the first couple of days tucked beneath his flute, and the odd other thing he came across and thought he might want to have with him on the journey. He filled a water flask and added it in, and having not left the city since he was a young child he wasn’t sure what the length of the journey would feel like so he put a few crackers wrapped in waxy fabric into the inside pocket in case he was going to need a snack. 

“Are you feeling better, Wylan?” asked Alys, when Wylan ventured downstairs with his bag.

His father must have told her he was ill. Wylan thought he must tell her that quite often; she probably thought he had some kind of weak immune system, but better lies than letting her know the real ways he was weak. She had strange habits around him for her belief that he was blind, including occasionally over pronouncing words as if he didn’t know what she was saying.

“It’s me,” she added, now, as he turned towards her voice, “Alys,”

Wylan smiled, nodding.

“I know,” he told her politely, “And yes, thank you, much better,”

Bidding her goodbye was brief and awkward, and Wylan found himself slightly dazed as she nattered on about what baking projects they could perhaps undertake together when he returned for the holidays. All he could think of was the baby; he knew that she was pregnant but somehow seeing the little bump beginning to form and the way she’s put it - soon we’ll have a new friend to play with - had seemed to knock him right out. He wondered if it had always been the plan to pull him from the university and send him away, no matter if he’d stayed late that night in the library or not. He would be out of sight and out of mind, and no-one would bat an eye when Alys’ child was set to inherit the Van Eck empire. Wylan would fade into the background, just as he was supposed to; he was not supposed to be a leader or a businessman or a scholar, he was hardly supposed to exist. You are trying to force your way into a world in which you do not belong. 

Well fine, he would vanish. Maybe it would make him happy. Maybe it would at least make his father happy. 

“Your father wants a good strong boy, of course,” Alys was saying, when Wylan remembered he was supposed to be listening, “but I think it’s going to be a girl, and I’ll tell you why…”

On she went. Wylan watched her, nodding when he thought he was supposed to. Somehow hearing her talk about the baby struck him with the reminder that she was only a few years older than he was, in a marriage he knew she hadn't chosen. He didn’t know how his father could walk down the street with her without feeling ashamed. But at least she seemed happy, he thought. He hoped she was. 

The rest of the evening passed slowly. Nina was supposed to be coming to the house again - or at least Wylan assumed it must be her, his father hasn’t specified - but the midnight appointment came and went without her ever appearing. How was his Tailoring to be kept up when he was in Belendt? Wylan wasn’t sure. But his father had told him he’d arranged for him to have a private secretary, who would handle correspondence on Wylan’s behalf, so perhaps they would know to arrange something for him. He didn’t want to ask his father. When Nina didn’t show he thought Jan Van Eck would get angry, but he just released a heavy sigh and sent Wylan up to bed. 

“You have a long day tomorrow,” he said, lightly, “Rest while you can,”

He reached into the pocket of his jacket and placed a heavy envelope into Wylan‘s hands, guiding him to take hold of it as though Wylan really couldn’t see the thing. It was always like that, even when they were alone. Why risk it? Why break the habit and let yourself get caught? 

“These are your enrolment papers,” he told him, “Keep them safe on the journey, and give them to your secretary when you arrive,”

That was as close to a goodbye as they came. Wylan would take what he could get. By tomorrow it wouldn’t matter, would it? One can but hope, anyway. 

[spaceorphanssecondbreakfastclub]

SO's Bookclub : The Haunting

Title: The Haunting Author: Joan Lowery Nixon Genre: YA Mystery

Goodreads Summary :

The walls whisper. The ceilings shriek. No one can survive a night of terror inside Graymoss. The old plantation house has been in Lia’s family since the Civil War, but it’s been possessed for generations by a malicious spirit, and Lia’s family has always stayed far away. Now her parents have decided to move into Graymoss, and Lia must either change their minds or chase away the horror lurking inside the old house. Using clues from her great-great-grandmother’s diary and an old copy of Favorite Tales of Edgar Allan Poe, Lia must discover what—or who—the evil wants.

Review:

This is the first one of the four that I haven't read that I picked up a few months ago when I started doing this project. So, this is my first read through. And, you know, it's not that bad. I'd say it's on the upper end of these kinds of books, but ooff, still issues.

The plot revolves around Graymoss -- an old home in Louisiana belonging to protagonist Lia's family. Lia's mother wants to turn it into a foster care home for kids. But everyone else on the planet is like -- you crazy, place haunted.

On the one hand - meant to be a lot like Shirley Jackson's Haunting of Hill House. Having the story built on a creepy atmosphere and psychological terror instead of cheep jumps scares and gory slasher tactics. But... the novel spends so little time away from the house that it never really gets that spooky. Which is odd - because JLN is usually pretty good at setting a tense atmosphere.

A lot of her normal tropes are somewhat subverted. We're not in Texas because this was clearly inspired by something she discovered in Louisiana (the dedication points in this direction). Lia is fine as a protagonist and I really didn't feel like punching her at any point. The family is mostly decent -- except Grandma is a little weird, but not matriarchal. And, there is a guy who is involved but only for about two seconds, he's barely around to even be considered a love interest, and he's discarded just as quickly.

Oh - and there was mention of cell phones. Which I found interesting for a book set in the late 90s. These books almost feel out of time when they start mentioning modern technology.

The book does have a pretty decent premise, and there were pieces of the mystery that were intriguing but it never really gets off the ground. Plus - we spend a lot of time (especially for a short book) talking to people who don't really matter, who don't really tell us anything, or don't move the plot forward. (There's an entire chapter where they spend time with kids at an orphanage just to remind you that they want to put little kids into foster care using the haunted house.)

This entire novel could have worked better as a short story - one that took place in a single night -- kind of like A Deadly Game of Magic did. The clues that are sprinkled throughout the novel kind of point in an obvious direction -- especially the use of the Edgar Allen Poe book (which really, if anyone had been thinking - the whole mystery would have been solved easily way back when).

Overall, it's fine. There's nothing egregiously wrong with it, nothing made me want to throw it against the wall. But, she just didn't make great use of a haunted house trope, and you can tell a lot of why this book was written was because she was inspired by different parts of Louisiana culture.

Rating: 3.25 Stars

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: abuse, death, threats, fear of threats, depression

rant and advice

i've been traumatized my entire life and i'm so tired of it. i'm autistic and i grew up not having my needs understood by anyone. my teachers harassed me, my classmates threatened to hurt me because they thought my reactions were funny, and everyone around me misinterpreted the things i said. i was also bullied a lot over anything from how i dressed to how easily excitable i was to my mannerisms. i found comfort in fictional characters but i was often bullied for that too and it made it really hard and scary to form connections with real people. i still tried to though because i wanted a real connection with a real person and i internalized that really deeply and kind of formed like a savior complex?

i kind of flocked to people that were like my mother and really like emotionally explosive because it felt familiar, and they often targeted me because i had a very limited understanding of what would cause those reactions and that was beneficial to them, so a lot of my friendships as a kid were toxic and didn't last long. i would always stick around out of hope that i could be the person that made them trust people again or that helped them work on themselves, etc.

i have one friend that i've had for many years but she tends to ghost me whenever i'm having a difficulty in my life. like when my grandmother passed away she left me on read when i told her and then didn't text me for months because she was embarrassed about it, and because of that i don't feel like i can actually rely on her.

i've been in a couple abusive relationships repeating those patterns with emotionally explosive people. one was online, but the other was in person. the online one was about five years ago, the thing that stood out the most from that is how this person reacted when my parents found out about us, she got mad at me for reaching out on another account that i had and then texted my friend to tell them that she was actually her mother, and was informing us that she had died when she hadn't.

the in person one was more severe, this one was recent and he made a threat to hurt me. he's been involved with some hate groups towards women and has been posting online that he genuinely doesn't think he's done anything wrong, despite stalking me, harassing me, and tearing me down emotionally throughout our entire relationship in so many different ways. the college that i go to is now issuing him a no-trespass order because of the posts he's made online and i'm really scared of how he's going to react, especially since school ends in a couple weeks and i'll be right in his area during the initial spiral that it's going to cause.

i also don't really feel like i have a strong support system. since realizing these patterns, i've lost a lot of friends while i try to make better ones, but right now i haven't made too many yet because of my social struggles. i feel like the friends i do have don't care and i know that's most likely just me projecting my past experiences onto them but i don't really know what else i have to go off of and it's making me really depressed. i try to stay upbeat and cheerful for the friends i do have so that they don't think i'm some depressing downer that they don't want to be around. and like i typically am fairly upbeat, it's just really hard right now because it's all piling up and i'm not nearly as much of an open book as i try to pass myself off as being.

i'm really just fighting so hard to people please and keep people around because i don't want to lose anyone else and i'm so emotionally attached to my friends, i just feel like they don't care about me in the same way and i don't know how to stop thinking that way, or where to start trying to make more healthy friends.

i'm also really scared of how emotionally attached i am because i hate being attached to people, it scares me so much because of what i've experienced, but i don't want to talk to them about it and put that burden on them because that isn't fair to them... i just don't even know how to proceed, especially with everything that just happened with the no-trespass order because i really need my friends' support right now and i don't feel like i have it anyway, and then a lot of them seem to have good things going on right now and i don't want to spoil that with my problems because they deserve to be happy and i can't be selfish and take that away from them...

i just want to feel like i have friends that care, i feel so lonely and i overgeneralize when this happens so like logically i know that most of my friends probably do care but it doesn't feel like it and i don't know what to do

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through and please know you're not alone. None of this is okay and you don't deserve to be treated like this, as much as these experiences might have you believe otherwise.

Regarding the emotionally unavailable friend, I know it can be hard to have a firm sense of boundaries and knowing what you do and don't tolerate after the experiences you've had. But it's important to recognize that even if this friend just has issues conveying sympathy, you still deserve to be treated with respect, especially in those vulnerable moments. You deserve to have friends that at least say something like "I'm sorry you're going through that," or, "I'm sorry for your loss," as these are pretty easy things to say, and it seems like it would've helped to hear that in those moments.

As for the in person partner, it sounds like this person is a threat to you, and although the police suck about helping survivors, it may still be worth letting them know what's going on. I understand how vulnerable you may feel knowing that you won't have your school's protection. Opening an information case or even filing a restraining order can potentially make you feel safer, as the latter especially can essentially serve as a no trespass order, but relative to wherever you are. While restraining orders only last for a certain amount of time, you might find comfort in knowing that any violation of that restraining order could result in his arrest.

It's okay that you're not feeling your best right know, and it's understandable why. Your feelings are informed by your experiences and I think it's unrealistic to expect you to be happy with your current situation. It might be helpful to consider that all of these things, describing the awful things you've been through and the disrespectful relationships you've had and continue to have, they all indicate that you know you don't like being treated in these ways. This can be a starting point for developing and setting boundaries.

It's not unfair to communicate with your friends about what's going on - in fact, it's unfair to both parties for silence to be in the place of a meaningful conversation. Please know that regardless, you deserve to have the support of your friends, and if your friends don't support you, are they really friends?

Ultimately, if you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process your experiences and the kinds of relationships you have now, as well as developing some coping mechanisms and boundaries.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[timeoverload]

I had a frustrating day. It was busy but I didn't get too overwhelmed about that. We had a team meeting this afternoon and that's when I started getting annoyed. We have to make more changes again. They are creating more work for us. It isn't all bad and I think some of the changes are good for the patients but it is going to make our jobs a lot more tedious.

I mostly got mad because they are making me wear full PPE while washing eye pans now. I understand the importance off PPE and I already wear gloves, a mask, and eye protection but I think this is unnecessary. I think it is too much and I rarely get dirty. I am very careful. Even if I had been wearing full PPE a few weeks ago, that wouldn't have prevented me from getting splashed because I don't have anything to cover my ears with. I have to start wearing those stupid plastic gowns like I used to wear for my 2 hour decontam shifts every day. We used to have nice ones but the ones they buy now are cheap and they get very hot. I also need to wear a full face shield but I hate wearing those. The ones we have aren't very good and I can't see very well through them. They fog up so I can't see shit. It is going to be a pain to put that stuff on 30+ times a day.

I also got a little irritated about how the director was telling us that he is leaving for Italy tomorrow and he will be gone for 2 weeks. I just don't understand why he gets to take so many vacations because I know he doesn't have that much PTO. I have been there way longer than him and I don't have enough PTO to take that much time off. He just went to Jamaica less than 2 months ago and was gone for 2 weeks. He took another trip not long before that but I can't remember where he went. It doesn't matter though. I'm not envious of him and I'm glad he gets to do things that he wants to do. I just don't think it's fair that the people working in higher positions can take off whenever they want while everyone else has to follow the rules. They can call in to work without consequences too. I suppose it makes sense that he gets to do whatever he wants because he's best friends with the eye doctor that owns the place. They play pickle ball on the weekends together. I used to enjoy working with the director and I thought he was nice, but I am starting to change my mind about him. I know better than to trust management, but it still sucks. He is developing a huge ego. He hasn't been very helpful to me lately either and I feel like he has been cold when I try to ask him for things. I don't want to go to him for anything anymore. My boss has been kind of cold to me too. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong but I am just going to stay away from them if possible.

After the meeting, I spent the rest of the day thinking about how much I want to quit. I wish I could put my 2 weeks in tomorrow because I'm so sick of getting fucked over. It took every bit of my strength to not do things aggressively. I caught myself slamming stuff around a little bit and I made myself stop. I didn't want anyone to say anything about it or make anybody uncomfortable. I didn't want to project my mood on anyone. I was quiet about how I was feeling for the most part but everyone already knew I was upset.

I also got my letter in the mail telling me about my raise. I was right about how much it was going to be. Apparently that's a 3.5% increase. I don't think it's going to make a huge difference for me but I guess it's nice that I got one at all. I am upset because I found out how much my co-worker makes. She only makes $2 less than me but she has only been there a year. She already got suspended once for attendance. She isn't certified either. I feel like I am unappreciated and they are using me. I hate that place so much for taking advantage of me all these years. It has ruined my life and I feel like they trapped me there. I don't have any other options right now. I want out so bad. I need to stop thinking about work because it is stressing me out.

I am glad I got home before it started storming. The power just went out but it was only for a minute. I really don't have much else to talk about. My hands and fingers hurt so it's hard to type anymore. I will probably make food soon and get ready for bed. I need to try to give myself a little more time to relax tonight I think. I hope I can make tomorrow a good day and I will do my best to be in a better mood.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow. Thanks for listening to me vent. :) 💖💖💖

[modx-reborn]

On display

I watched a tik tok that was a person OC begging someone to put their hand into the enclosure and it spawned an idea.

So here have Captive Simpbur, which may or may not be some form of cryptid with an oral fixation.

Implied smut undercut! Minors DNI!

You would think that working in Observational science would be more lab work and papers but here you are, following in step behind the lead researcher of the project you had wormed your way into, only just graduated and eager for experience in anything meant that you couldn't turn your nose up at offers, especially one that paid like this, and sure you had an NDA and paperwork up the ass signed to get here but from the bustle and moving papers, graphs and imaging you had seen in passing, the admin work would be worth it. 

"Ahh, sir? Not to seem pushy but where are we going? I was more expecting paperwork or lacky-" 

"You will eventually be given those kinds of jobs, but for now your to follow me if you are going to work under me and alongside our specimen, I would recommend one, keeping your hands to yourself and two, don't let it close to you, understand?" 

The look thrown over his shoulder is serious, like when you were being made to do something important for your parents and they wanted it clear there woudl be no jokes or pranks, it was steel and didn't lighten or even out even after you had nodded and waited for them to begin walking again. 

Calling the building you worked in a maze would be an understatement, floors dedicated to each different section from the more plain and needed workers like accounting and the open boardrooms, to the lower levels that you were finding most common for you to spend time in. Coloured lines pointed the way for most things but the corridor you were walking now was plain, unmarked and industrial, like something from a cheesy science fiction horror movie, only this was real, this was your job and this woudl be your first time ever actually seeing the specimen that was under observation. 

And he was...

He was plain? Scruffy looking and sprawled out on the floor behind some bars and thick glass-like planes, the majority of his containment area was plain, a double bed, sectioned off bathroom and a desk with a mess of crumpled papers, if you were anyone else you woudl have thought it odd, almost off-putting as if they had locked away a random person and were making you watch them, but the moment light floods your side of the room he is pressed to the bars. 

Wide brown eyes watching as the researcher pushes a few buttons and speakers crackle to life, equipment beeping and switching back on as a new observational interview begins. 

"Good morning Wi-" 

"Not my name." 

"Oh? Then why did you leave it at every place you visited prior to your containment? If it is not your name anymore, then what would like to be called now?" 

For the level of containment, you had expected something else, something not so familiar, a scruffy British man that seemed to be almost bantering? With the researcher was far from what you had expected, maybe with all the security you had let your mind run away with the possibility of monsters or aliens when in reality this was likely some prison-based involuntary signup research for a lighter sentence or something, fantasies are all well and good but this was work. 

Boring, plain old work, writing answers and recording reactions that were being noted to you via the lead researcher, and if this was the state of your first few months then there woudl be no issues, no problems or had nights slaving away. 

Or there wasn't meant to be. 

Apparently, interviews with you present and or shadowing were more and more forthcoming with information from the subject, and so here you are, standing beside the very same lead researcher that had shown you around and had told you those months ago to keep your hands to yourself and keep away from its interests as you waited for the lift down to the now-familiar dull corridor. 

"I tried to tell them not to do this you know? The last researcher it became inter-" 

"Him you mean, right?" 

"-The last researcher IT became interested in was dismissed due to health reasons, it can get in your head if you let it, but you..." Usually, the blue eyes of the head researcher were harsh or at least serious, but now they looked somewhat impressed, "You have done nothing but listen and follow my advice. Just keep doing that and you will be good, It would be a shame to lose you." 

The ride down was silent, as was the walk to the observational room, machines already live and whirring away, recording and printing out little scraps of paper. You knew what to do and how to do it but with your superior breathing down your neck your hands were shaking, nerves flaring in the face of your first solo interview, the first big task you woudl be handed and tested by. Once everything is set up and the recording primed, you are left alone, bars and protective screens keeping you and the subject apart. 

"Good evening, my name is-" 

"I know your name, I have heard it said a thousand times now, finally I get to enjoy you darling, get to have this moment with you! Do you know how cute you look in that lil researcher get up? So serious an-"

"We are off-topic, today we will be talking about the rail incident. The day you first appeared, shutting down several major railway lines and chased a person through the streets of-" 

For the first time, you catch sight of something other, the world around the edges of his body begins to blur, fuzzing with colour as if he was an image glitching or lagging in animation, eyes wider than humanly possible and locked on your every move, devouring each twitch and breath.

"yes, yes, the 'rail incident' they weren't worth the effort in the end, but you! You will be, I know it, you'll be perfect won't you, a precious-" 

"I-If you won't answer the questions this interview is over, and-" 

Even if you had stumbled over the beginning of the sentence, you were cut off by the loud bang of his hands hitting the screen, snarling and switching from an almost sleazy flirt to something more aggressive, something that made the lights of his room dim and flicker, almost growling as you lay your hand on the end recording button. 

Even after you had left your hands and legs were shaking, stomach-turning and making the thought of eating stray farther from your mind, the ding of the elevator could barely be heard through the ringing sound of your name being yelled and hands slapping against the dividers once again. 

There were at least three more months of solo observation with him, with whatever he was, and two of those managed to pass with ease, apparently his little outbreak was met with punishment, a lack of you apparently and now you had actually managed to have a few solid interviews, admittedly most of your recordings had to be scrapped as they would delve into his own insane ramblings about you or about how you would be his the moment he was freed. 

But today something was off, he had seemed relaxed almost assured of something, like a content cat waiting on dinner to be served. Then the alarms sounded, at the perfect moment for him, but a damning sentence for you. 

The doors sealed, heavy locks sliding back into place and keeping you shut in with him as the emergency intercom shouted a code that you only vaguely remembered as 'Escaped subject' or 'Major System fault' and either one of those would be a death sentence should they have been in your area, but with one hand wrapped around the outer bars you sighed and flicked your eyes back towards...

Towards the subject that was now wrapping his own hands around the outer bars of his cell. 

"Look at that, finally get to know what you feel like, perfect, simply perfect..." 

The strength of the grip that caught your wrist as you tried to pull away was staggering, almost spraining it as you were yanked closer, hand-pressed stiffly against the cheek of the very man thing that had been flirting and chanting your name for months, the very thing that had made it very clear what it would do the moment it had the chance to get it's hands-on you. 

And here it was cradling your hand and rubbing his face against you, brown eyes watching your frozen form, filled with mirth and lust as he uses the fear that had your body locked up to press kisses against your palm, ignoring the shivering that had begun to wrack the captured hand. Laughing softly as he pressed light kisses against the tips of your fingers, flicking eyes that were tinting red up to watch as you sucked in a shaky breath as he moved to run his tongue along the gap between your middle fingers. 

The sound that rattles against the bars is anything but human, as are the teeth that flash for a single moment before two of your fingers are resting against his tongue, held there and used by this creature with a mans face, the thing making more and more obscene noises as it's drool began to drip down your wrist, the once brown eyes fully consumed when it looks back up at you. The smile it wears when it drops your hand is content as if the feeling of your fingers in its mouth was all it needed or had seemed as such till the hand that was once wrapped around the bars came to press against your cheek. 

"Now, now it's my turn to observe, and I have so much to learn from you honey, so so much. And we have all the time in the world for me to do so, after all, you're mine now..." 

[rwprincess]

Two Worlds Collided

Masterlist

A/N: Oh, an anachronistic songfic from RWPrincess? But this time it’s about John Bender! :D Inspired by Never Tear Us Apart (originally by INXS in 1987, but I particularly like this Paloma Faith version)

Word Count: 2K

Synopsis: Bender met reader at the Breakfast Club and the two seemed like opposites, but they shared a common hidden sadness. Over the years, feelings and relationships change.

CW: Swearing, sexuality, Bender being a general asshole

Bender had met her the same way everyone in the Breakfast Club had, on the Saturday detention on March 24th. He had seen her in the hallways prior to that as he was always observant. He had seen everyone in the Breakfast Club before that day; but he hadn’t given her much thought. Now, he was paying attention to little else. He had no idea why he was drawn to her; they were both so different and he could never picture himself with a goody-two-shoes like that. But the way she had reacted to his more vulnerable, real moments, how she tried to make a connection with him...that stuck with him. He knew he should have learned from his disastrous blow-up with Claire that two people who were so different just wouldn’t work out. He repeated this to himself over and over, like a mantra, but it never changed how he actually felt.

After the breakup, the Breakfast Club had a split between those who chose Bender and those who chose Claire. Of course, Andrew sided with Claire unconditionally, but John considered that as no big loss. Allison tried to play the middle ground and Johnson had sided more with him, but he was surprised at the wholehearted backing he received from Y/N. He had assumed that she would either try to be neutral like Allison, or pick Claire. She had no reason to side with him, he had always come off as an aloof ass. But she had, and he was eternally grateful for that. He had originally decided to get together with Claire because the notion had a hot, forbidden quality to it. They spent time insulting each other and making out to make up for it. It was as passionate as it was destructive, so of course it couldn’t last. However, when he was alone and reflected to himself, he had been attracted to Y/N all along. She was hot, yes, but he had plenty of good-looking girls to choose from. He was more drawn to that kind, quiet inside she had displayed that day. How she had gone out of her way numerous times to reach out to him and had been genuinely nice to him. Most of the time, someone only did that to gain something for themselves. Whether it was to use him or to make themselves feel better, it depended on the person, but with Y/N that never felt like it was the case.

Don't ask me

What you know is true

Don't have to tell you

I love your precious heart

He thought back to the first time he saw her on that Saturday, walking into the library and looking so out of place. He was already adjusting into his spot when she entered and she froze in front of all the tables like a deer-in-the-headlights, as if she had just materialized there and had no clue what she was doing. He remembered feeling both attracted to that doe-eyed look and scoffing internally at it. While she wasn’t part of the cliques that Andrew and Claire were, she had a very sheltered look to her and he was envious of that type of innocence. Her ignorance must have been bliss compared to the hell he lived each day at school and at home. She was just as out of place as the preppies or ultra-dweeb Johnson, but instead of being offended by that notion, she looked terrified. She meekly put her items on the front-row desk opposite to him and he thought about all the fun he could poke at everyone here, including her. However, the first blow did not land well. Bender loved making people uncomfortable, but he didn’t necessarily want to make them cry. He’d made some off-handed remark towards her. He had been circling her and eyeing her, employing the discomfort he liked inflicting, trying to ‘guess’ why she was in detention. “I bet you were caught fooling around with a teacher, right? Always the quiet ones that you’d least suspect…”

John Bender rarely regretted his words or actions. He knew he was an asshole and let unfiltered thoughts through so that he could be the center of attention. In doing so, he had to stand by all the shit he said, even when he crossed a line. This was one of the scattered occasions in which he felt remorse, though. She didn’t reply, not verbally, anyway, but she looked scared shitless and was rooted to the spot. Tears instantly sprang up in her eyes and she looked as if she were about to hurl right on his combat boots. He backed off after that. He didn’t apologize, because that’s not something John Bender could have on his reputation, but he didn’t target her. There was something so sincere about her reaction and he saw himself reflected in that expression. Not the tough-as-nails persona he projected, but his secret self who had seen too much too early in life and could barely stand another blow. He didn’t know what her deal was, but there was a heavy sadness behind those eyes that was far too real for him to tamper with.

When he had shown the group his souvenir for spilling paint in his garage, courtesy of his father, she must have seen that reflection back. No one in that group actually knew him. They all thought he was a lying sack of shit; what could he say? His reputation preceded him. But he caught her gaze as he backed away from the group, and the sadness in her recognized the sadness in him. He felt an odd sort of click, a mutual understanding, but he turned away from them all and trashed the library.

I, I was standing

You were there

Two worlds collided

And they could never tear us apart

That was months ago, and out of everyone he met that day, she was the one who truly stuck by him. He’d surprisingly connected with Johnson, sure. Everybody likes to get high and Bender was the supplier. And he and Allison had similar interests, but she wouldn’t give up Andrew and with that territory came Claire...there was just no going back to that. But Bender still had Y/N, and he could never understand it. The first time he had brought her into his friend circle, he tried to justify it as sticking to his word and ‘having the balls to stand up to his friends’ like he had told Claire to do. He also reasoned that it was some sort of social experiment. As much as he liked to portray himself as someone who couldn’t care less, Bender was entirely social. He craved attention and admiration for others and could read just about anyone like a book. Maybe that’s why he didn’t mess with Y/N after that first comment landed so wrongly. He felt like he knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling and decided to back off. However, it wasn’t just some ‘watch and see how she interacts’ set up; Bender genuinely wanted her there. He wanted to integrate her into his life.

She was still extremely quiet, mostly a speak-when-you’re-spoken-to type, but he started to peel back layers in her personality. He found that, despite that lurking sadness, there was an unending pool of optimism. She tried to see the best in situations and in people. She meshed incredibly well with his friends because she listened instead of judged. She would nod along like she knew exactly what they were talking about and how they felt. He started to develop an attachment to her. While he was still dating Claire, he told himself it was akin to having a pet. Y/N was like a goldfish that he could tell his problems to and know the secret would be kept. But after Claire, he realized that wasn’t the case...particularly when he sought Y/N’s comfort above all else. He divulged the entire last big fight he and Claire had to her, and she was just so...reassuring. After that day, he began to see her in a different light. He argued with himself over what his feelings and intentions actually were, but he couldn’t keep them at bay for long. She was good for Bender. He had never felt lighter.

Of course, Bender had not known stability in his life ever, and the risk of falling for Y/N and having it mean something and being accountable to one person overwhelmed him. He did what he knew best: he fought it and ran away from it. At first, he tried to avoid her, just distance himself. But he’d gravitate back; being without her was too heavy to bear. He wanted to try to actively push her away, to fuck up this relationship with his words, just like he did with everything else. But when he opened his mouth to try to lie, to say he didn’t need her or want her around or whatever, he would look into her eyes and it became impossible. He remembered the way he had shaken her to her core the first day they met, and he couldn’t allow himself to bring that sadness up again in her.

We could live for a thousand years

But if I hurt you

I'd make wine from your tears

Eventually, he gave in. While he was able to control his words to not say anything harmful, he wasn’t able to contain them from slipping up and telling her, “Dammit, I love you!” It wasn’t in a context that could be taken as joking or being said flippantly; she knew immediately what he meant and that he meant those words, wholly.

She took his face in her hands and told him, “I love you, too.” There was no turning back, and as the years passed, they fell deeply in love. He'd dug up her secrets and fears, but she seemed to trust him enough to not use them against her in any way. They both dreaded the prospect of never getting out of Shermer and falling into the same circular trap their parents had. However, he reassured her that the moment they had the opportunity, they would bust out of there. He lucked out that Claire had never asked for her diamond earring back. It was probably one of many and she had forgotten she had even given it to him as a token. He decided to pawn it to top-off the savings he and Y/N had accrued. "You're too good for me, you're sure as hell too good for this place,'' he told her. The trade-in was enough to get them out of town and start anew, but only one of them could really ‘move up’ for now. While they argued back and forth about who should get to pursue which dream, Bender rationalized to her, “I was barely cut out for high school. I can’t really do college. And that’s okay. You’re the brains in this relationship, I’m the beauty.” He winked at her and with her laughter as response, that sealed the deal of who was going to school.

I told you

That we could fly

'Cause we all have wings

But some of us don't know why

She searched the crowd, holding her diploma. Bender had supported her both financially and emotionally these last four years and now they had the degree to prove it. She felt pride in being able to take over from him and let him follow a new path. He had always been good with his hands, but despite his protests, he was good with his mind too. He was a sharp-thinker and she knew that he could make a career that he loved out of that. She’d be there to push and brace him as he had done for her. Finally, she spotted him. When their eyes connected, she felt that same crackle that she had the first day they had met, all those years ago. Before the friendship and the love, she knew there was a spark there, that they were two of a kind, even though they were so different.

I, I was standing

You were there

Two worlds collided

And they could never tear us apart

[interact-if]

Day 5 of A/PI Heritage Month featured authors interview! The lovely Parker, everyone!

Parkerlyn, author of The Nameless

A/PI Heritage Month Featured Author

Legend goes when the world was formed, the mortal races, mortalis, were created with the gift of magic. But as time passed their hubris grew, and the sheevra were created to curb their pride.

When it comes to these chaotic and malevolent beings, the lands are full of cautionary tales. Though some would tell you that the stories are just that. To them, names have no power. There are no mysterious deals to fear, and the figure who seduces you into an alley at midnight is certainly no malicious spirit.

Which luckily for you means easy prey.

Author's Ko-fi | Discord

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE INTERVIEW!)

Q1: First of all, introduce us to your project! What is it about?

The Nameless is a mishmash of fey stories and a... teetering on apocalyptic setting? The world itself is almost completely covered by desert save for four regions and cities that have maintained life around them. The origins of that desert, the Arids, are said to have been from wars thousands of years ago where there was too much magic siphoned from the world, and the cost was desolation.

The reader enters the story as a sheevra (the fey-based race) who's been taught that all this was the mortal race’s doing in their desire for power. And that the sheevra were created to take that energy back from them via deals and names to slowly restore the world's more verdant state.

If you asked the mortalis though, they'd sing a different tune. To them, the sheevra are the remnants of the entity mainly responsible for the state of the Arids, and they're the reason why the world is stuck like it is.

Where does the truth actually fall? Well…

The game itself kicks off when one of the four sheevra clans in the world goes missing, and you're sent to investigate what happened. Though whether or not you really want to find out remains to be seen.

Q2: If it’s not too spoilery, what are you most excited about your project?

I'm definitely buzzing over some of the reveals behind the Arids and other features of the world, and how things are tied together. The puzzle will start getting filled in towards the end of Book 1 and will culminate in the final major choice of the entire story, and I'm really excited to see how people handle it.

I'm also looking forward to exploring more of the backstories of the romances and various characters, and also for more descriptions of magic-tech and how that's integrated into each of the cities (had a BLAST with this in upcoming content). Just in general, excited to continue bringing the world to life!

Q3: What inspired the current project you’re working on?

The Nameless was initially sparked by a D&D NPC, Oisein's predecessor who was far more bitter and not quite the sarcastic chaos gremlin they are today.

Specifically from Kobold Press' Courts of the Shadow Fey, this NPC was supposed to be just a one sentence rumor. But (of course) my players decided to pursue that route more in depth. Said character that I made up on the spot then ended up being a regular that I eventually made into a PC for another campaign. And...things sort of spiraled and transformed from there as I created their backstory and fell in love with the characters who would then become the four romances of the game.

There's also a theme I've been wanting to write about for a long time which might lend itself to spoilers, that I was finally able to find a home for in the world of The Nameless. So it's a dash of old and new ideas!

Q4: Do you pull from your own identity for inspiration? How has that been reflected in your work?

There's some indulgent, more obvious ones like the city of Han, which is directly named after the Han River in Korea and is, well, the City of Rivers. There's also small references to Korean folklore within the sheevra that will probably continue to show up, and you better believe Korean inspired food and clothing will make an appearance haha.

But below the surface level, I think a lot of the mannerisms and backstories of the characters may unconsciously be affected by my identity. Until someone asked me about modern ethnicities for the love interests, I didn't realize how much I had tied my mixed culture into these characters. But I'm happy to have that little piece intertwined in their personalities, their values, and their attitudes, as a small nod to my own Korean-American background.

This will probably become more evident in the settings too. There's a lot of mixed inspirations and sources in the architecture, environment, and culture of each city that I'm looking forward to expanding on.

So yeah, it's kind of funny to see that manifest in my writing, but hopefully it helps to build up an interesting and unique environment for readers to immerse themselves in!

Q5: What’s been your experience so far? With writing, with the if community...

For writing in general, this is by far the largest project I've ever taken on, and there was and is a learning curve when adjusting for interactive fiction. But I've enjoyed the freedom and variation I've been able to build into this story with this medium, and think it continues to take shape in ways I never initially planned but love to see!

For the IF community, it's definitely been positive! I kind of just chucked this story out there not expecting much from it and figured it would be hard for anyone else to get into. Honestly I thought that maybe just a few people would see it, but that it would mostly be self indulgent.

But the support from other writers and readers and the questions I've received has just been amazing, and I’m glad I dived deeper into the IF community. Especially when the self-doubt inevitably creeps in and you have those moments of "oof this is terrible". The positive words and encouragement mean so much, and I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much it helps. I'm also really happy to have found an overall inclusive community, and hope I can extend that space into this game!

Also the stories and games out there? Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectac-

Q6: Do you have any future projects in the works?

None at the moment, my focus is mainly on writing The Nameless and continuing to develop features for the Twine version!

Q7: Finally, what piece of advice would you give to fellow authors?

Don't let yourself get down by comparisons. It's easy to slip into, and I'm definitely guilty of it too! But no one's going to tell your story like you can and the way you want it, so it's up to you to share that with the world!

[startanewdream]

Dancing lessons

Summary: Lily shares a few dances with her son.

Notes: For @sweeethinny who asked me both for a story with Lily teaching Harry how to waltz and for family moments, and for the Anon who asked for a little of Harry jealous with Krum.

This story ties with 'Emergency Meeting', 'Hope' and 'Shotgun wedding' in this Jily Lives AU. Banner thanks to @the-dream-team!

On AO3 or below:

‘Merlin, this is stupid,’ Harry declares, right before he steps over her foot for the third time. ‘Sorry, Mum!’

Lily smiles, even though her foot hurts now. For someone who seems to have two left feet, he managed to hit her precisely in the same place all three times.

‘That’s fine, Harry,’ she tells him quietly, coming closer to him again. ‘No, hold my hand firmly. Yeah, like that. You are supposed to be leading me in the dance, remember?’

‘Yeah, right,’ he murmurs, not all convincing. Lily has seen him less nervous before he faced the dragon than he is with the prospect of the opening dance at the Yule Ball. At least, he didn’t call her so urgently with concerns about how to deal with a dragon.

‘One, two, three,’ she calls loudly, helping him guide her through that rented room in the Three Broomsticks. ‘One more time… now you spin me.’

He does, albeit with a little difficulty; Lily is still taller than him, though she knows this won’t last long. She remembers how James went through a growth spurt around fifteen; and she remembers what also happened with him during that time, all those teenage hormones.

Harry grew up so fast...

‘Very good,’ she compliments him. ‘Don’t forget she’ll be wearing dress robes, so be careful not to step over.’

‘Not step on the foot, not step on the dress — why did they invent dances?’

‘You might enjoy someday,’ she tells him, a knowing smile on her lips that Harry doesn’t understand yet. ‘So, tell me about this girl you are going with.’

Harry frowns. ‘Parvati? She’s nice. Ron is going with her sister.’

‘Oh, double date, then?’

‘Date?’ Harry blinks, surprised, then scandalized. ‘It’s not a date!’

‘You are going as friends?’

‘Yeah, but —’ he still looks lost. ‘Do you think she thinks it’s a date? Should it be one? What do I do?’

‘Breath, for starters,’ she tells him and, for good measure, Lily waits until Harry takes a deep breath, the panic in his eyes dimming. ‘I think you would know if it were a date. People do know these things, you know?’

Harry doesn’t seem like he knows it at all, but he nods, suddenly much more at ease.

‘Is she the girl you asked your father about weeks ago?’

A blush comes to his cheek. It’s rather adorable, she thinks, but she keeps from showing it. Harry is really shy when it comes to his feelings; one wrong word and he’ll crawl back into his shell and she won’t be able to take any word out of him.

‘No, that was… someone else.’

‘Didn’t work?’

His shoulders slump. ‘Someone else had already asked her out.’

‘Oh, it happens.’

‘Yeah.’ He looks dismayed.

‘You know, it happened to me once. I was going to ask your father out, well, at least that was what I tried to tell myself, but then he already had a date.’

Harry’s eyes widen. Lily remembers James speaking how unfathomable it is to Harry to think of his parents being with anyone else.

‘He rejected you?’

Lily lets out a laugh. ‘Rejection is a strong word, I hadn't even asked him out when I found out he had other plans. It was by the end of our Sixth Year, the last trip to Hogsmeade, and he went with this girl... Let me tell you, it was a miserable summer for me afterwards.’

‘Oh.’ Harry bits the inside of his cheek, thoughtful. ‘Because he was dating someone else?’

‘That was the funny thing, I didn’t know if he was with someone or not, because I was too afraid to ask and make it evident that I was fancying him just as he used to... well, in any case, no, what made me the most miserable was not knowing what he’d say if I had asked him out.’

‘I know,’ he sighs. ‘I mean, at least I know Cho didn’t deny it because she didn’t want to, but because I was too late.’

‘Cho?’, she asks, keeping her voice light. His blush intensifies and Harry spins her again more to gain time than because it was the correct step. It is a nice spin, though. ‘Is she in your year?’

‘No, one above.’ He stops, unsure. ‘Does it make a difference? If she is older?’

‘One year is not much,’ Lily assures him, and then Harry starts moving again as this weight is lifted from his shoulders. ‘And for older — I’m older than your father.’

‘For two months.’

‘Still makes me wiser,’ she promises him, making him laugh. ‘Well, you can ask her out some other time. You can even ask her for a dance at the Yule Ball!’

He sighs heavily, a disbelieving expression coming to his face. ‘Oh, she wouldn’t accept it.’

‘Come on’, she winks at him. ‘Being a Triwizard Champion must come with some benefit.’

He grimaces. ‘Her date is one too.’

‘Cedric?’ she guesses. ‘Oh, bad luck, Harry. He is nice.’

‘He is bloody annoying,’ he mumbles, then his eyes meet hers. ‘Ops, sorry.’

‘Oh, you should have heard what I used to call Cecily,’ she replies easily, shrugging, feeling silly for her young self.

‘Who?’

‘Cecily Jones, the girl who went on that date with your father.’

‘He never mentioned —’

‘I doubt he remembers, Harry,’ she laughs. ‘It was one date — they weren’t going out in the summer, after all — and it didn’t matter afterwards. If you and this girl, Cho, are meant to be, you’ll find your path to each other eventually.’

‘You think so?’

‘Well, you wouldn’t be here if your father and I didn’t,’ reminds Lily. ‘Just remember — always take a leap. And if you ask her to dance, well, I think you’ll do just fine.’ She pauses them. ‘You didn’t step on my foot once in the last five minutes.’

‘Oh!’, amazement shines on his eyes. ‘I can dance!’

‘A waltz at least,’ she agrees, ruffling his hair fondly. ‘Our summer project will be teaching you to loose your hips.’

___________

The ginger boy has a crossed expression on his face when Lily pulls him to the dance floor.

‘Mum,’ he calls, annoyed, as she places his hand around her waist as she did years ago. He grimaces, but takes her hand, moving rather graciously for someone who is wearing the wrong body. He still remembers, she notes gladly.

‘Son,’ she answers back, teasing.'You know, you could have been born like this.'

'What do you mean?'

'Ginger like me, but with your father's eyes.'

The boy doesn’t look like her or James at all, but it’s a nice thought all the same. Lily always wondered how another child of her and James might look like...

'So people you just give me the "you look like your mother but have your father's eyes"?'

'That would be a change.'

'Not really,' he mumbles, distracted. His eyes keep moving away from her, and judging by the way Harry sighed when the bridesmaids first appeared during Bill and Fleur’s wedding, she knows who he is looking at.

And it’s not to the bride’s young sister.

‘You should ask her for a dance.’

‘Who?,’ he asks guiltily, looking back at her. Lily raises one eyebrow, not impressed with his attempt to playing dumb.

‘While you can. Before you leave.’

‘I —’ he stops, conflicted. His face is all wrong, not one single resemblance to her son, and yet his expression is the same in the face of that muggle boy Harry is impersonating for the day. ‘It’s because I’m leaving that I can’t.’

‘The things we don’t do haunt us more than the things we do,’ she warns him, and Harry looks wistfully, his longing evident. Then an annoyed furious expression crosses his face, and he presses her hand as if to stop himself from taking his wand; when Lily follows the direction of his gaze, she sees Viktor Krum going to the table where Ginny and Luna are talking happily.

‘I could hex him,’ Harry murmurs darkly. ‘I wouldn’t regret that.’

She smiles, amused. ‘I thought Ron was the one with problems with Krum?’

‘I’m starting to agree with him,’ he replies. ‘A toss, really… Thinks he is so great because he is an international Quidditch player, big deal…’

Lily doubts this will matter to Ginny and, sure enough, as they watch, Ginny shakes her head at whatever Krum is saying, and Krum leaves, clearly dejected. Harry grins, satisfaction all over his face, and as if she can sense his stare, Ginny turns towards them.

Harry turns away quickly, but Lily knows it was not enough.

‘Harry…’

'She will accept it,' he mumbles, dismayed. 'Maybe not Krum, maybe not today, but her future is so free whereas mine…'

'Is bright too,' she finishes for him, voice stern now. 'Self-doubt will not take you anywhere, Harry. And you may have not noticed while you were brooding in the corner, but she kept throwing glances at you too. She wants to dance with you.'

'Oh. I… I would step on her foot.'

'Of course not, I taught you well,' Lily tells him with a smile, breaking away. 'I am going to find your father.'

There is a whole new trouble on Harry's face now and Lily refrains from sighing.

'I'll see you later. I’ll just stick around here for a while.'

'Mustering the courage?' she guesses wisely. He flushes. 'Remember, if you are meant to be -'

'We'll find our path to each other. Yeah, I know.'

She places a quiet kiss on his cheek, enjoying the fact that for the first time in a couple of years she is taller than him.

'Things will be fine, Harry. Don't lose hope.'

_____________

Harry is beaming, happiness written all over his face, wrinkles at the corner of his eyes more prominent than ever. Lily enjoys the fact those wrinkles come from laughing, not worrying.

Next to them, the bride and the groom's father are making a mess on the dance floor, spinning each other out of control, giggling crazily, and Harry looks at them with fondness.

'I thought Dad knew how to dance,' he says, amused.

'He does, but you know him. He likes to show off.'

Harry laughs. It's a carefree sound, not a single weight on his shoulders today.

'Well, let's show him how it's done, then?' he suggests, offering her his hand and Lily takes it graciously, letting her son conduct her to the dance floor.

He really waltzes well.

'You've been training,' she notes. Harry smiles guiltily.

'I like to dance in front of the mirror. Helps me to relax.'

'We only need to upgrade your dancing moves.'

'Ginny has this project, don't worry. We have a record player at home, she is teaching me all the good old wizarding songs. Sirius will help me with the Muggle ones and next thing I'm hitting a dancing club.'

She smiles at the idea of Harry in a nightclub; he is past twenty now, married and living away, but he is still her child in many ways.

'We should make him or her take dance classes,' he adds as an afterthought, his gaze falling to her belly, though there isn't any bump there yet. 'Make sure they won't get embarrassed in a school dance when they are older.'

'Nah, big brother Harry can teach them how to dance.'

He nods happily, spinning her around. The movement makes them get closer to James and Ginny.

'Switch partners?' James suggests, winking at them.

Harry laughs and spins his mother one last time, just as James does the same with Ginny. Lily finds herself in the arms of her husband, who stops long enough to kiss her tenderly, before drifting her away to the dancing floor.

Her husband waltzes nicely when he wants, Lily thinks joyfully, and with her pregnant, she knows he will be extra careful. James is cautious like that, but she lets him enjoy that protectiveness. It doesn’t come attached with any other worry — no war, no threat on their lives, and that’s something she can learn to live with.

Her gaze moves to the other couple. Harry and Ginny shine under the lights of the tent, today no other couple holding a candle for the happiness that irradiates from them. Her gaze drops and she watches as their feet move in synchrony, Harry always careful to avoid stepping over her long wedding dress.

Yes, she thinks. I really taught him well.

[ghcstvalleychief]

I feel when it comes to mileapo fans should just let them be like men with years in the industry far intelligent beyond their years don't need anyone to tell them how to run their career. I know fans worry because their generous people but their businessmen too especially mile how else will he survive as ceo if he wasn't cunning and strategic. I feel fans don't trust mileapo's judgment enough like apo didn't drop his dream for his happiness. Don't trust boc that's fine but let mileapo handle it.

I think the BOC Debacle (where Pond asked Apo to step back and let the rest of the 'family' get some of the shine) has colored the way some fans see MA and their judgment, which I completely understand. Hearing Apo talk all those few months ago did strike me as strange and made me view MA's relationship with BOC in a weird light. I won't lie. I was definitely one of those people who were a little uncertain about their choices, so I completely understand the hesitance and concern on behalf of those fans. In regards to why I specifically felt that way, I'll tell you. I was baffled about what was actually going on behind the scenes because I had never heard of a production company being run this way. I was trying to make sense of the way Pond runs this company and it made me question everything, at that point. That entire debacle combined with some of Apo's statements made me lose a little bit of faith there.

As of right now, I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel the same way I did in the past. Mainly because we've seen them actually working. I know people are treating the S2 slip from Sprite as a definite confirmation, but is it? The reason I bring that up is because MA are working a LOT right now. I'm not saying that it's impossible for them to do what they're doing now and complete a S2. What I'm saying is this - when will they have the time? They just knocked a good chunk of events in the last month alone and there's still one more pending for the rest of this month. I'm not even sure what's in their future plans for the rest of the year. At some point, they're going to have to finish this dumb ass world tour. But then, they still need to finish filming for their movie project. That's not even taken into consideration all of the marketing and promotion they're going to have to do for that. Them working and taking on all of these extra non-KP projects definitely makes me trust them a lot more than I did in the past.

They've proven me wrong. I'm happy to admit that actually. I'm happy to be wrong in this scenario because my mind went in a completely different direction. So, I agree. I think they've shown that they're capable and aren't as 'selfless.'