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caesium-55 · 7 months ago

Text

—everything is orange. [ ii ]

pairing: lando norris x kpop idol! reader

summary: a racecar driver who needed a fake girlfriend to dispel rumors and a kpop idol who needed publicity for her song. somewhere in between orange cars and orange sunsets, stands something they're afraid of naming.

warning/s: graphic description of blood and gore, body insecurity, lando might be a lil ooc

masterlist.

God bless Jinnie Jo and her overly prepared self because you thought you’d die when you got attacked by the damn shellfish allergy in the car on the way to the hotel. It's fortunate that Jinnie happens to carry around your allergy meds. You dry-swallow the tablets without hesitation, uttering your thanks to Jinnie.

“Song Dan-ssi gave me a list of your allergy meds before we left,” Jinnie tells you. Warmth floods your chest. Manager-nim may be in another country but he never fails to take care of you. You're definitely going to buy something for Manager-nim when you return to Seoul. A jacket perhaps?

The first thing you do the moment you enter your hotel room is kick your boots off, take a warm shower, and reunite with the love of your life—the bed. The mattress swallows you whole and you let out a content sigh as you allow your body to sink in it. Not even ten minutes later, you grab your bag, which you have haphazardly thrown on the bed, take out your phone, and open the X app. You type Lando’s name in the search box.

username1: i am disgusted by the people who still support lando norris like yall really support a man who got a girl pregnant and refusing to take responsibility? i just know mclaren is lying when they said he's not the father

username2: justice for the girl that lando norris got pregnant! he should be kicked out of mclaren!

username3: that girl lucky bc her baby daddy is THE lando norris. she should tell us how he fucks in great detail

You cringe. Your fingers tap the three buttons at the upper right corner and without hesitation, pressing report. You continue to scroll down the tweets, reading them one by one as the clock ticks.

username4: what lie will mclaren tell again to protect little lando norris?

Your phone pings. A notification bar appears on the upper portion of your phone screen. You have received a message. You stop reading the tweet and open your messages app.

unknown number: hey

unknown number: this is lando

unknown number: your boyfriend?

unknown number: the fake one

You immediately save his number in your contacts. You name him Lando Norris.

you: hey there

you: do i just call you lando or

lando: you can call me baby

You snigger at his flirting attempt. Ten points for trying, Lando Norris.

you: okay baby

lando: 😳

lando: okay

lando: we agreed on hard launching each other in socmed right?

you: yah

lando: i kinda don't have a picture of you?

lando: pr told me to ask you if you can send me one

lando: i’ll send you one too

you: i have an idea

you: put me on your story

lando: yeah im planning to do exactly that

lando: have you been listening to what we talked about earlier in the meeting?

you: then delete it after a few mins

lando: wait why

you: make it look like you did it on accident

Your first mistake in your first PR relationship with another idol is that you immediately hard-launched each other on Instagram after Dispatch released his pictures kissing a guy in a bar. People got skeptical and most of them called out your relationship as a PR stunt. They called you a cover up, which you were, but they weren't supposed to know that.

You're not going to make the same mistake twice.

lando: and this will work?

you: let's not shake the confidence i have

lando: 😂

you: people are already expecting mclaren to set a pr stunt so you can gain the public’s hearts back

you: u have to make yourself look like you never needed a pr stunt in the first place, that you’re not trying to win the public back

you: people will catch up if you suddenly post that you have a girlfriend in the middle of your hot issue

you: netizens are quickwitted theyre not as dumb as most of us think

You hope you're explaining it well. You're trying to make your point as clear as possible but it's hard. You forgot the other English words you’ve learned.

lando: okay i get ur point

lando: i’ll do what u want

lando: someone has to tell pr what u planned though

lando: it's not going to be me

Fuck the PR. You're not going to tell them and let them have a field day tomorrow. That's what they get for expecting you to sign that stupid first contract they made.

You open your camera app and take a quick selfie.

No. Your nose looks too big at that angle.

Again.

Now, your forehead looks like an airport.

Again.

Your teeth are showing. The coffee stains are visible.

Again.

you: *sent a photo*

lando: i

lando: help me with the caption? my braincells flew off

you: idk not good at captions

you: just say hello loml or smth

This is the story you want to tell:

You met Lando a year after you departed from ORACLE in Australia.

You have a mutual friend—named Tori Allen—who introduced you to one another. Tori Allen does not exist. She's just the fictional side character of your love story.

You started out as friends. Lando is freshly out from a breakup and you’re just trying to live a quiet life after your fall from grace.

You talked for months because of your mutual interest in cars. Eventually, you started going on casual dates.

You asked Lando to keep it secret. He said yes in respect to you. HAN Entertainment already released a press statement regarding your mental health status after the 2021 incident so the public would assume that this was the reason why.

The relationship turned serious three months before Lando’s scandal.

Lando never got the girl pregnant. He never touched that girl. He was loyal to you.

Jinnie almost breaks down the door the next morning. You open it before she can do so. She angrily stomps inside your room and you close the door behind her. Her face is red, her expression taut.

“It's seven,” your eyebrows crease together. You make a quick glance at the phone in your hand. 7:22, the clock in your lockscreen projects. “You told me we are supposed to meet at twelve.”

“McLaren PR called me up,” Jinnie informs you. You’re beginning to get an idea where this conversation is going. “You didn't do what we agreed on.”

“And what did we agree on?” you cross your arms over your chest. You flutter your eyelashes innocently at her.

“That you’re going to choose photos to post on each of your accounts and let PR handle the captions. Norris posted something immediately without PR checking it and deleted it!”

“Did he tell you that it was my idea?”

“No, but I know that it was and it turns out I’m right. You just confirmed it.”

“Did it work?” you question.

“I can't with you!” she throws her hands up in the air, frustrated. “We are supposed to follow orders!”

“No,” you say. “You are supposed to follow orders. That's what Yoon PD-nim told you. He told me to do what I believed was best.”

You open X. Lando’s name is at the top of the trending list. You press his name and read through the tweets that appeared.

username5: LANDO NORRIS WHAT IS THIS BEHAVIOR

username6: EVERYONE HERE ARE THE RECEIPTS *screenshot*

username7: is this what you call the freudian slip lol

username8: I AM NOT CRAZY GUYS LANDO ACCIDENTALLY STORIED HIS GF IN HIS PUBLIC ACC

username9: he deleted it so quick too 😭 im sure the man panicked

username10: HE CHEATED ON HIS GF AND GOT A GIRL PREGNANT??!?

username11: for all we know he didn't even bang that girl 🤷 his girlfriend’s pretty hot he’s definitely not cheating on her

username10: men cheat on their pretty wives and girlfriends all the time

username12: not lando norris that man’s in love LOVE can u see his caption

username13: the caption??? lando’s pretty smooth with his words

username14: he’s taking smooth operator lessons from carlos

username15: im crazy but what if this is just a pr stunt 🤔

username16: girl he won't delete the story in a panic if it's a pr stunt

username17: he was definitely going to post it in his priv and made a mistake 😭

username18: very lando of him

username17: he stronger than me bc if my girlfriend was that pretty, her face will be flooding my instagram

username19: ignore lando, his girl tho 😳

username20: he called her loml omgggg

username21: booo luisa’s prettier

username22: fok off and move on

username23: lando can you fight? meet me at the kfc parking lot and let's fight

username24: probably not but he can run you over with his car

username25: i swear ive seen that girl before i just cant pinpoint where

username26: IT'S [NAME] EX MEMBER OF ORACLE WE HAVENT SEEN HER SINCE 2021

username27: so he bagged a kpop girlie??? lando got game dayummm

username28: isn't [name] an illegal street racer? that's why she got kicked out of the group right?

username29: an f1 racer and a street racer couple 😳 omg what in booktok is this

username30: she's not a streetracer she only watched the street race

username28: she told you that herself?

username30: her company did

username31: THEY CANT BE DATING OMG LANDO YOU CAN DO BETTER SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE A WAG

username32: and u think ur better than her?

“It's working,” you state. You turn to Jinnie, raising your phone in the air and waving it. A smug smirk spreads to your lips. “It's working.”

Nobody is doubting the relationship like the time with Minhyung. This is a good start. Now, onto the next part.

“So are we really going to keep having lunch dates until your race?” you poke the shrimp on the plate with your fork. You're having pasta again. In the same place, too. It sucks but you swallow the food and smile as if you’re enjoying the meal.

For today's outfit, Jinnie chose a Valentino Garavani black midi dress paired with Jimmy Choo Antia leather sandals. Lando matched your outfit with a black silk button up and off-white pants. You’re both playing the “looking like a couple” card well.

“I believe so,” Lando says. You mentally count the days of the calendar in your head. The FP1 is scheduled to begin in two days. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask….”

“Hm?”

“The team didn't scold you a lot, did they?”

“They didn’t,” you give him a tight smile. Did he worry? For you? That's very sweet of him. “Why would they? My plan went great.”

Lando nods, “It did. You’re good at this.”

You smile at his compliment, shrugging a shoulder. I’m supposed to be good at this. I have no other choice.

“Let's show them our story,” you say. “Show, not tell. People are more inclined to believe actions rather than words. Show them the story we want them to know and we don't answer their questions early so we can keep the attention and the curiosity on us. Once the timing is right, you answer their questions, one by one. This is risky because if we don't act right, we’re done….”

You set the fork down and finally stop terrorizing the poor shrimp. It's completely obliterated now.

“But I believe we can act right,” honesty bleeds through your words. “You're lovable and you already act like a sweet boyfriend without trying.”

Lando purses his lips and averts his gaze. You see pink dusting his cheeks.

“I try.”

“Nice try,” your words come out dry. You give him a thumbs-up. “Also, I’m full.”

“You only ate half your plate,” Lando points out.

“The portion is too big. I’m a light eater.”

HAN Entertainment is partly to blame for that. You got accustomed to their extreme diets and small meal portions that you cannot even eat more than a small bowl of rice.

“Do you not like the food?” he asks, concerned.

You don’t answer the question. Instead, you lace your fingers together and rest your chin on them, leaning slightly forward.

“I have another plan. Wanna hear it?”

You still don't like having attention to yourself. The feeling of having eyes watching your every move, waiting for you to make a mistake still terrifies you. But attention, the right kind especially, is a weapon. You need a weapon to fight this war. A war to build your career again.

“Keep them on their toes,” the instructor of your PR training class once said. “Give them what they want piece by piece, just enough to keep them wanting more, but never give them everything.”

Until now, you still abide by her teachings. God bless Kim Gaon-ssi and her big brain, wherever she is now. She resigned from HAN entertainment a year ago.

It's been a few days since Lando pulled that stunt in his Instagram story and yet, the attention you're receiving from the fans is not simmering down. You didn't expect anyone to be this involved or curious about a driver's love life but here everyone was.

You wake up at seven and then proceed to spend an hour on your phone while lying in bed to push all the sleepiness away from your system. You leave your bed at nine, change out of your sleeping wear, perform a whole morning ritual inside the bathroom, and by eleven, you send Jinnie a message to get brunch and invite her to eat together inside the privacy of your hotel room. She arrives after fifteen minutes with hotel service food. You eat until twelve thirty and after eating, you begin to get ready.

The free practice session is at 5:30 PM. You can afford a bit more time to get ready so you shower again. It took you nearly two hours. In the meantime, Jinnie prepares your clothes.

You mentally thank the heavens when you see trousers neatly folded on your bed. If Jinnie forces you to wear dresses again, you’re going to lose it. You're conscious of how big your thighs look. You don't even have a thigh gap. Big thighs, small ankles, and muscular calves. They're just a few of your numerous bodily insecurities.

Jinnie pairs the Moon Choi black back pocket trousers with a Dior Toile de Jouy Sauvage silk top. For the shoes, she chooses a pair of white Fila chunky sneakers. She helps you apply your makeup and fix your hair. To finish the look, you grab your black cross body bag, smart watch, sunglasses, and a black ball cap.

Jinnie snatches the ball cap from your hands and replaces it with a McLaren ball cap. A tacky orange with the number four. You raise your brow at her. She gives you a pointed look, a look that says: don’t even try to protest. You sigh, resigned, and pull it onto your head.

She scans your appearance, dragging her coal eyes from the top of your head to your toes. She huffs, satisfied.

“You look perfect.”

Perfect is the goal.

Jinnie drives you to the race venue. She drops you off at the parking lot. She's not happy with it. Jinnie wanted to come. You told her no. You can handle this little act alone. You don’t see an ex-idol with a manager, do you?

The moment you exit the car, you slip on your mask. Figuratively and literally. You tip your ball cap upwards to scan your surroundings, searching for the way in. You carry your phone in your right hand and your paddock pass in the left. Lando gave it to you during dinner yesterday.

A racing event is crowded with people. That's a given. Perhaps not as crowded as a concert but still crowded nonetheless. A stage will not separate you from the people nor a barricade. Unfortunately. You have no bodyguard, no manager, no HAN Entertainment staff.

You're not here as ORACLE’s [Name] but as Lando Norris’ girlfriend.

Your feet lead you to a path where there are less people. You message Lando that you’ve arrived. He replies in a matter of seconds.

lando: ill come and get you

lando: wait for me

You remove your cap, fix your hair, before pulling the cap on. You spot a man with a Nikon DSLR standing a good distance. He is wearing a cord around his neck. The word MEDIA is printed in bold white letters. Your lips curl a little underneath your face mask.

It is show time.

During your trainee years, acting classes are mandatory. You know the basics. You're confident that you're good at acting. If you weren't, the company wouldn't have pushed you to act in two dramas as a side character during your rookie years. You received a reward for your performances, too.

To look lost, you have to keep glancing around you as if you’re contemplating which way to go. You have to look unsure of your actions. Hesitant. You have to constantly look at your phone as if you’re reading directions in it or texting someone to tell you where you should be going. You have to scratch your nape a few times to express nervousness. You're in a place you don’t know, it’s natural to be nervous.

Someone is bound to approach you and help you. When they do, you remove the cap but not the mask and then hope they know who you are. When they don't, well…. that's a problem for future you. You haven't thought that far.

“Hi, excuse me, do you need help?”

You perk up. Orange fills your view. A group of four girls have approached you and they all wear twinning McLaren merch. You can see that three of them sport the number four in their shirts, Lando’s race number. You involuntarily swallow.

There was a case once where a rookie actress got beaten up by her idol boyfriend’s fans promptly after the release of their dating news. Fans can be so jealous to the point of violence. It's a toxic fan culture. That's why so many Kpop idols resort to keeping their relationships private and secret. You hope you won’t get beaten up.

But also, given that they’re McLaren and Lando fans, there is a high possibility that they’ll recognize you. Which is exactly what you wanted. So you push that stupid fear aside and keep the show going.

“Hi, uh,” you remove your cap and lower your face mask until it's bunched up below your nose. “I’m kind of…lost? Do you know the way to the, uh…”

You forget what it's called. McLaren garage? You don't remember the exact word Lando used. You're still not confident that you know the difference between a paddock, a garage, and a livery.

“Wait, I know you!”

You purposely widen your eyes.

“You’re Lando’s girlfriend!”

You smile sheepishly, scratching your cheek with your finger.

The girls break out into loud and high-pitched squeals. Their voices are so shrill that you cannot help but wince. You motion for them to quiet down. Inwardly, you want them to keep being loud. Loud enough to warrant the attention of the photographer, your target.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, we absolutely have to take a selfie!”

You barely understand her rapid spitfire of words until she takes out her phone. Panic instantly swells within you.

This is not the plan. You only wanted one person to take the necessary picture. Not this.

You hastily slap your hand over the lower half of your face. You stagger backwards and stumble against a sturdy wall. Your hands fly out to your sides as you feel yourself lose your balance. Two hands grip your shoulders and you hear a surprised woah! from behind you. You lift your head.

It's not a wall. It's Lando.

His beautiful, beautiful eyes gaze down at you. The colors look lighter under the sun. His thick brows are furrowed together, his forehead creasing.

Lando spins you around so you're face-to-face with his hard chest. You squint at the multiple logos printed on the long-sleeves he’s wearing. Is this what he wears when he races? He swiftly takes the McLaren ball cap off your hand and puts it on your head. His hand remains tenderly flat on your shoulder blade, the other lays on your cheek as if he's trying to cover your face. You tug your face mask up and rub your throat.

“Hi,” Lando greets the girls sweetly. This causes the eruption of another wave of high-pitched squeals. “I’m sorry but do you mind if we keep the cameras away? Our relationship isn't out and as much as possible, we’d like to keep it that way. Can we respect my girl’s privacy please?”

He sounds exactly like a male lead in a romance Kdrama. You know it's fake, that the both of you are playing roles, but his words and the way he delivers them so effortlessly makes you momentarily doubt if he's really acting. It causes a butterfly to flutter in your stomach and your pulse to steadily accelerate. His hands are large and warm and for a moment, it makes you wonder if this is what security feels like. If this is what it feels like to be loved.

Then, you get reminded that it is all an act.

How can actors not fall in love with their co-actors when acting can feel this real at times?

“Thank you,” you hear Lando say. You miss the previous parts of the conversation because of the thoughts that invaded your mind.

“You look so cute together, oh my god. I’m going to die,” the fangirl adds. Lando’s chest vibrates as he chuckles, the sound deep and warm.

“We need to go, sorry. Enjoy the race today.”

He taps his thumb against your shoulder blade and he starts walking, his hands not detaching themselves from your skin. You keep your head low as Lando guides you away. In your peripheral vision, you see the photographer’s camera pointed towards the two of you. A self-satisfied smirk plays on your lips.

“How did I do?” Lando asks the moment he removes his helmet. He is sporting a bright grin, so bright that you're sure it’s going to make the sun envious, as his fingers comb through his damp curly hair. A few stray strands are stuck on his sweaty forehead. You feel the urge to sweep them aside for him.

You search through your mental thesaurus for the synonyms of the word amazing and have chosen: “Impressive.”

Light beads of sweat trickle down his face and neck. A McLaren staff member comes and hands him a towel to wipe them off. Lando thanks her and she leaves. He thrusts the towel towards you. You blink in confusion.

“Will you do the honors?”

“Can't you do it yourself?”

“But you have to play the part of a sweet girlfriend, am I right or am I right?” You roll your eyes at his cheekiness, rising to a stand. You place the McLaren jacket in your hands on your chair. Lando handed it to you before he climbed into the car. You don't know the reason behind his action. Nevertheless, you held the jacket for him.

You take the towel from his hands, your fingers grazing with his. Lando’s smile threatens to split in half as he puts his hands behind his back, parts his legs a little, and then bends down so you won't have a difficult time wiping his sweat for him. You're not that much shorter than him and your height difference is perfectly reasonable and comfortable but you're still grateful that he's doing this for you.

You don't wipe his sweat. Instead, you pat them out. Patting is gentle on skin. The towel will simply absorb the sweat on his skin. Rubbing the skin can lead to skin irritation and inflammation. Lando’s eyes flutter close at your actions and you swear you see him leaning against your hand.

“You raced good today,” you praise him.

You have zero idea on what happened in the past hour. The cars went around in circles. Then, they time their laps. They’re not even racing each other. You thought they would.

In all honesty, you think the entire thing is a bore. The street races you went to when you were a teen were more fun. A minimum of three drivers gets injured every race and it's highly likely someone ends up dead, which is your messed-up definition of the word fun.

You’re more interested in the special guest who decided to grace the track with its great reptile presence. A dinosaur. Kidding, it's just a lizard. It looks like it was surveying the scene and strategizing a great dinosaur invasion.

Lando's chest swells, “Well, I have to impress my girl.”

He opens his eyes and they meet yours. They're twinkling with mirth.

“Color me impressed then.” Despite your words, your tone is unimpressed.

He smiles impossibly wider, now showing his full set of pearly white teeth. He bites his bottom lip. You stop patting his sweat and lower your hand to the side.

“You don't have any more races tonight?” you question. Lando straightens.

“Later at 9 PM.”

“That's quite late.”

“It is?” Lando’s head tilts to the side a little. “Do you sleep early?”

You hardly sleep at all. You have a hard time maintaining regular human sleeping and waking hours. Like the other half of the world population.

“That's not it,” you shake your head. “I kind of just expected that the next practice session would be tomorrow morning.”

“Singapore usually holds night races. Track temperatures are low and the organizers can broadcast the race during peak viewing hours in European time,” Lando explains. “And they hold two practice races a day because it only lasts an hour.”

“That makes sense.”

“Are you hungry?” Lando questions, smoothly redirecting the conversation to food.

“I could eat.” You're not particularly hungry. You're not full either.

“I know a good place that sells these amazing wraps.”

Wraps sound enticing. You can't remember the last time you've eaten one.

“Lead the way.”

You chew on your beef wrap slowly as your eyes focus on the screen of your phone. The voices of the sports announcers live broadcasting the ongoing race fill Lando’s driver room. After buying the wrap, he brought you to his driver room so you can enjoy the privacy as you ate. You appreciate the thoughtfulness. You don't think you can eat outside. So many people can see you.

username33: LOOK AT THESE PHOTOS I AM GOING FERAL

username34: HOLUP LANDO'S GIRL WAS IN THE PADDOCK??? ON THE DAY I DECIDED NOT TO GO?? EVJSNSVSISKS

username35: girlie was hiding 😭 she deliberately went through the back of the paddock so no one can see her going to the garage

username36: my friends and i met her today! she looks like she's lost and as fellow mclaren fans, we went to help her and she was so sweet omg and so so shy too. we tried to take a pic with her but lando arrived and told us to respect his girl’s space

username36: and i quote “do you mind if we keep the cameras away? our relationship isn't out and we’d like to keep it that way. can we respect my girl’s privacy please” WHEN I TELL YOU I MELTED ON THE SPOT

username37: girl he really said that???

username38: i’m her friend and yes he really said that 😭

username39: little lando norris is not so little anymore

username37: pls tell me you backed off immediately

username38: we did!! we kinda feel bad now that we discovered she's been battling anxiety since 2021 and that she doesn't like having photos of her taken

username40: NO BECAUSE THE WAY LANDO IS SO PROTECTIVE OF HER?? THE WAY HE SPUN HER AROUND AND PULLED HER TO HIS CHEST?? THE PROTECTIVE HAND ON HER BACK?? HIM COVERING HER FACE?? WE ALL KNOW [NAME] HASN'T BEEN IN THE PUBLIC EYE SINCE 2021 BC OF MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AFTER HER SCANDAL AND LANDO REALLY TRIED TO PROTECT HER

username41: bae i think you forgot that he's also the reason why [name] is gaining attention again bc he accidentally storied her in his insta

username40: that's why i said tried bestie

username42: i cant believe im crying over this LANDO NORRIS U BETTER TREAT OUR GIRL [NAME] RIGHT

username43: im waiting for @hanentertainmentofficial to say smth

username44: girlie’s career flopped and now she's leeching off lando’s money smh 🙄

username45: bestie she never needed his money she’s already rich from being an idol

username44: correction ex kpop idol, her money’s probably already running out

username45: bestie she's still richer than you while you're 14 (your bio says your 14) and still living with your parents

username46: AND THAT'S VERY SLAY OF HER,, YOU CAN'T EVEN GET A RICH MAN TO LOOK AT YOU

username47: that girl who claimed that lando is her baby daddy is suspiciously quiet rn

You turn your phone off and toss it inside your cross body bag. A sigh flies past your lips as you lean against the back of the couch, setting your unfinished wrap down. Your eyes flutter close. They're beginning to sting. Too much reading.

Sleep latches its claws on you and you allow it to take you.

You stand in darkness, allowing the deafening silence to swallow you whole. Suddenly, a thousand eyes appear. Unblinking. Bloodshot. They're bulging out of their sockets. In unison, the eyeballs move and lock on your figure. Judging. Judging. Judging. Your body trembles at the weight of a thousand gazes. You can’t breathe. You can't speak.

Please stop looking at me.

Please.

I’m begging you.

Stop.

The eyes slowly became bigger and bigger. Then, they disappear. You let out a shaky exhale. You turn around and the world becomes a blinding white.

Cameras. Thousands. No, millions of them. The loud clicking noise fills your ears. Your hands stretch in front of you, trying to cover your face and your body from them. You can only squeeze your eyes shut.

Silence.

The scene changes.

You register the feeling of sand getting stuck in between your toes. Your eyes slowly flutter open. The overcast skyline and the rising tides, the telltale ingredients of a brewing storm over the horizon, can be spectated from the shore. You recognize this place. This was a place you swore you're never going to step foot again.

Jeju.

You hear your mother’s gentle voice whisper your name behind you, causing goosebumps rise on your skin and your entire body to stiffen. It's not the name you own now, but the name you were born with, the name she gave you, the name you lost when you moved to Seoul.

She calls your name again. Again. Again. And again. You ignore every single one.

She stops.

You slowly turn around and you see your mother standing there, a few steps away, barefoot like you and wearing a dress. You remember this dress. She wore it when she was pregnant with you. She keeps the photo in her wallet.

No Eun Ha looks as beautiful as she was in your childhood memories. You greatly resemble her. The eyes most especially. That's why looking at mirrors feels more like a punishment to you more than anything else.

The word “Eomma” rots inside your mouth.

Your Eomma smiles at you. It's empty, her smile. When she smiles, they never reach her eyes. That's the way it has always been. For a second, you consider apologizing.

Eomma, I’m sorry that you have to raise a child you didn’t want. I’m sorry for stealing the light in your eyes.

You don't grow the courage to say it out loud.

No Eun Ha remains smiling. You notice that the edges of her lips curl higher and higher until the smile begins to look unsettling and sinister. Then you see the skin on her cheek tear apart as her smile grows and grows. Blood drips down slowly to her neck and stains the top part of her dress. She opens her mouth into an inhumane size and you see a thousand razor-sharp teeth lining up inside it. Everything is a gory red.

You scream in absolute terror.

She says your name again, her voice this time is not as gentle as you remember.

You wake up screaming and in cold sweat. You fall from your bed and onto the floor on all fours and begin vomiting your guts out. Nothing comes up. Only saliva. You break into pathetic sobs on the floor. Terror is a familiar feeling but you will never ever get used to it.

You don't know how many hours have passed. The floor used to feel cool against your skin but now, it's never been warmer. You still don't possess the strength to leave the floor. Your body feels as if it's being anchored down giant stones.

You're exhausted. You’ve done nothing but you feel exhausted.

You want to run.

You want to run away from this pain and exhaustion.

You need a life where you're no longer exhausted.

Desperately.

A sudden shriek interrupts the silence that wraps the air. A woman's. You don't even flinch. You know it’s just Jinnie. She's the only one who has access to another keycard of your hotel room.

When Lando’s panicking face comes into view, you are shocked. So shocked that you involuntarily raise your arms and accidentally hit him below his jaw. He stumbles backwards, not expecting the blow. He let out a pained groan, hand clutching the area you hit. You quickly rise to your feet, a thousand apologies already on the tip of your tongue. This action, however, triggers a wave of vertigo. Your vision blackens temporarily, your knees giving out at your own weight. Reflexively, you grab hold of the nearest thing beside you, the mattress to soften your fall, before your shaking knees meet the floor.

“[Name]!” Lando’s voice is so loud, you flinch.

When your vision returns, his face is the first thing you see.

“Good morning,” your voice is flat and rough.

Lando hisses and his large hands cradle your cheeks. You're suddenly made aware of how large his hands are. They can cover your entire face with how big they are.

“You're pale,” his voice wobbles. “Shit.”

You want to pass out again. His hands feel so, so comfortable and so, so warm that you want to sleep with this feeling.

“Hey, hey, don't close your eyes. [Name]—” Lando hands move swiftly. One second he’s holding your face. The next second he’s lifting you up in his arms. “Jinnie, call an ambulance!”

The word “ambulance” causes you to wake up. Like really wake up.

Oh, shit.

You struggle in Lando’s arms, “Andwae! No ambulance!”

You pry yourself away from Lando, hopping down to the floor, but the man doesn't retract his hands completely. He still holds onto your forearms to support you as you try to stand.

“No. Just no. I’m fine.”

“[Name]!” Jinnie scolds. She's finally functioning again. She froze in shock when she saw you earlier.

“I’m fine!” you shout. “I’m fine! Really!”

When you get caught that you're weak, you retaliate.

You grit your teeth and clench your jaw.

“I’m. Fine.”

They don’t believe you. You can see it in their eyes. However, they're not going to argue with you. You know they won't.

“I’m going to shower,” you announce. Lando’s grip on your forearm tightens just as you pivot your heels to head to the bathroom.

“I think it's best if you stay today.”

“We all agreed that I’m going to be in the paddock from the practice sessions until the race night.”

“I’ll tell the PR team that you won't go today.”

Your brows furrow.

“Just… Rest for today, okay?”

You turn quiet. Hesitantly, you nod.

“Thanks.”

He turns to Jinnie and tells her, “Take care of her for me. I’ll visit after the qualifying.”

And like that, Lando Norris leaves the hotel room.

#lando norris #f1 x reader #formula 1 #formula one #f1 imagines #fanfic #kpop idol! reader #ln4 fic #ln4 #ln4 x reader #lando norris x reader

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i-like-forcefem · 3 months ago

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Minors look away!!! This is a horny blog!!! The name tells ya all that you need to know!

But more details under the cut

But if you insist: I’m an 18 year old Aro/Ace gal who wants to make some casual posts and maybe have some kinky fun

asks are lovely and encouraged! BUT please stay on topic! I'd love to help crack some eggs! I'd to hear some fun forcefem or transition stories! Light hearted kink and gender advice! BUT I won't be a crutch for your mental health! I'm still 18! I got my own life to worry about! (My friend made me copy paste this in here, sorry cuties! There's other places if you need help! I suggest the "The Orchard" discord! It's filled with nice folks who not only want to help, but can help well!) (oh and I won't respond to all asks! I'll read them! But I sometimes I feel bad about spamming my dear followers dash board with responses, so if I don't think I can play of your ask it might be deleted! Sorry! Do still send it! Each one has made me smile even if I got to self conscious to make it a post!)

DMs are open! But despite my best attempts I haven’t been the best at responding to everyone so so sorry if that included you, I’ve really life got busy! (I’m down for everything from: talking about what you love about forcefem, to talking about gender, to giving you board game recommendations!)

Tags: I tag everything! they should be mostly self explanatory and pop up as you start searching in the blog, though I'll explain some just to be sure it's clear: i-like-talking: Original posts Gentle: if you want someone to take you by the hand, tell you it's all going to be okay, and feed you some estrogen, that's the vibes I tag this with! Force: If you want someone to lock you in the basement, deprive you of food until you put on a maid dress and explain how you're a little maid, always have been and want nothing more then to serve your new master, this tag is for you (These are normally tagged like #Force #Gentle #Forcefem, oh and there are posts that have both Force and Gentle! They're quite fun!)

Oh and I always remain the right to block people! I haven’t used it yet, but I won’t hesitate!

Alright that’s all cuties! Have fun exploring the blog :3

(Banner by: @not3catsinatrenchcoat, check her out!)

#oh and I tag everything with some closing thoughts I have #then use a period to showcase that I’ll do my normal tags #.#intro post

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tsumuus · 2 months ago

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₊✩‧₊˚ 555 follower event ! ˚₊✩‧₊

i just wanna start off by saying tysmmm for even being able to reach this many followers😭!!!!!! i never would have thought my silly little stories would have even gotten as much engagement as they have been. truly so shocked. even tho ive started my senior year and my schedule is starting to fill up i really want to free up some time to do this event for you guys. ive received nothing but support and encouragement from you all and its more then i could have ever asked for! <3

as for the actual event itself, i really don't have a theme, i just want to give you guys a chance to request anything that you'd like (just don't be weird and keep it pg, im 16😓).

this event will last from 9.2.24-9.23.24! feel free to start sending in requests beforehand so i can plan accordingly!

i typically write for mha and hq, but i am willing to write for other fandoms. just ask in your request the character, and if i write it, just depends on whether ive seen that show or not lol!

(follow my first tag to stay updated with this event !)

reblogs are always appreciated <3 !

prompts and event masterlist under the cut !

₊✩‧₊˚ prompts ! ˚₊✩‧₊

prompt #1: love languages

in your request, send the character of your choice, your top love language, + any other specific details you'd like me to incorporate

here are some fics i've alr written that follow this prompt: physical touch w bakugou; words of affirmation w kirishima

prompt #2: dialogue/quotes

in your request, send the character of your choice, and any sort of dialogue or quote or something of the sort

examples:

"im not in love with you anymore" "i didnt know you ever were"

"you were everything" "you were a wonderful experience"

"i would've been there for you, through everything" "i thought you knew"

(yes i know these are all tiktok sounds idc its all i could think of)

prompt #3: song lyrics

very similar to prompt #2. in your request, send the character of your choice and any song lyric or song in general you'd want me to incorporate

ive written a good amount of these before but i never really liked how most of them turned out, yet here are a few of my favorites: falling behind, bakugou; pleaser, kaminari; reflections, atsumu

prompt #4: character matchup!

this is something new that i havent tried doing before. in your request, answer the following questions, and add any details you think i should know to help me figure out your perfect match! if you request this prompt i'd prefer you don't do it annomous but it’s up to you!!

questions:

what fandom/anime(like mha or hq) do you want the character i match you up with to be from? would you prefer a character whos male, female, or do you have no preference?

romantic or platanoic matchup?

describe your personality.

your top love languages.

your hobbies/pastimes.

and anything else about you i need to know!!

please be kind and patient with me as i try to figure out and plan everything accordingly thatll also not interfere too much with my schedule! any hate or negativity will result in you getting blocked! that being said, i also dont want to have to deny or delete any requests but my creativity does run out and i do get hit with writers block sometimes so if your request for prompts #1-3 happen to not be working w my brain capacity(???) im sorryyyyy!!

₊✩‧₊˚ event masterlist ! ˚₊✩‧₊

prompt #1: love languages

₊✩‧₊˚ akinori konoha + acts of service ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ tenya iida + quality time ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ hitoshi shinsou + physical touch ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ keiji akaashi + words of affirmation ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ katsuki bakugou + acts of service ! ˚₊✩‧₊

prompt #2: dialogue/quotes

₊✩‧₊˚ toru oikawa + “you don’t hate me” “i could never hate you” ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ neito monoma + "im not in love with you anymore" "i never knew you were" ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ katsuki bakugou + “i wanted her to look at me, but she couldn’t pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair’ ˚₊✩‧₊

prompt #3: song lyrics

₊✩‧₊˚ izuku midoriya + sailor song ! ˚₊✩‧₊

prompt #4: character matchup!

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #1 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #2 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #3 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #4 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #5 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #6 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #7 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

₊✩‧₊˚ matchup #8 ! ˚₊✩‧₊

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g0giro · 8 months ago

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PLEASE READ THIS!!! NEOPENTANE5 TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF AFTER I TALKED ABOUT THAT SHE SUPPORTED RAPE TO MY FRIEND

Someone sent this to me, and I have something to say about it. Don't buy what she said on her Twitter, I explained every single detail below.

I'm adding these pictures as well since these tweets were basically her referring to me and saying a lot of bad things about me. I've heard this meant "I wish you go kill yourself", "You don't deserve any friends" and so on, so I decided to translate it. She deleted it, and it's gone by now, but I could get a screenshot of her saying it.

TL;DR: I cut neopentane5 off and blocked her last year, I've been struggling because of severe depression since last year and she was the main reason who caused it, I vented about how I felt and what I couldn't understand her to my friend, and somehow it ended up with Neopentane5 seeing my DM with my friend and she self attacked me on her Twitter because of the DM, revealing my personal information and writing on her Twitter that I need to kill myself.

Below this is about what exactly happened and how Neoepentane5 tried to justify her actions. I explained it with all the proof that she was wrong and spreading misinformation, including some NSFW pictures she sent.

I don't know where to start, but let me talk about what happened last year between me and her.

The first reason I cut her off :

A few months ago, a guitarist of my favorite band passed away, so I was really shocked and sad, and I wanted to talk about it to someone and get comforted. There was a discord server where I, Neopentane5, and some other people were so I went there and talked about it. One of them asked me about it, but Neopentane5 just said nothing but sent a nsfw pic right below my text, completely ignoring me.

It was really rude and disrespectful, not just because the guitarist was my favorite but it was really weird and absurd of her to send a nsfw pic when she heard that someone died. Because of this, I was feeling depressed, so I tried not to pay attention to the server and her. I muted the notifications and tried to do something else like watching movies, playing games, or going out and so on because I thought it would become better if I could ignore this.

But she kept sending a bunch of nsfw pictures like these pictures without my consent and I was really overwhelmed and mad because of it.

This is the uncensored version of the screenshots.

The second reason why I cut her off:

Around last Halloween, I posted this to do inbox trick or treating. People who wanted to join it left likes there, and everyone who left likes on that post answered back, but Neopentane5 was the only one who didn't do anything even though she left her like. I thought she might be busy, and I asked her why she hadn't answered. She said she read it and wanted to draw something for it and would post it that night, but I didn't really mind if she wanted to draw something or not, because I was content with communicating with people by sending some candy pics and it was wholesome.

She really seemed to draw one for it, and I didn't want to let her down by saying I didn't really need her drawing or so, so I gave her enough time and she didn't post anything about it even two weeks had passed. I was really getting upset and depressed because it felt like I was worthless and not worth being remembered or cared about. I stopped texting her and everyone back then because of my depression.

Then she suddenly texted me first unusually and it was like this.

She just wanted to use me for translating that picture when she clearly knew that I didn't like the reboot stuff and didn't want to see it at all. She could've just googled it and used a translator, but she still decided to ask me to translate it for her. I had been feeling really down that time, and I didn't want to text back, but I also didn't want to make her feel bad so I just joked like I was all good and translated it for her. I felt I was worthless than the google translate and she just laughed it off and didn't really care about it when she should've made a proper apology. It didn't look like a person who was genuinely feeling sorry and it made my mental state worse. So I said just forget about it, and she didn't even answer back.

Other reasons I cut her off:

I had been already feeling depressed because I had always felt that I was the only one who cared about the 'friendship' she claimed to call it. Whenever I wanted to 'talk' with her, I always had to bring something interesting related to the fandom stuff, or she didn't even reply or reply very carelessly like "okay cool" a few days later when I texted her. She also didn't text me first usually, and I noticed it when I started talking with her last year. I thought I could talk about it to her and solve the problem together, so I seriously asked her to text me first sometimes and told her that I was feeling neglected because of her lack of messages. She said she wasn't just a talkative person and didn't really start a conversation first, but it was also the same for me because I wasn't a talkative one either. At least she promised that she would change and try to message me first, but she didn't. I talked about it to her more than three times, but she didn't even try hard to keep her promise and I lost trust that it would fix anything if I talked with her.

This was the last conversation when I blocked her.

I was trying not to be rude, and I explained why I decided to distance her. If she actually cared about the 'friendship', then she should've apologized to me and asked me if we could start over. But she immediately decided to cut me off (which means she didn't care about me) and started making excuses to justify her actions.

About Neoepentane5 saying something supportive about rape:

She tried to make her words promising about rape is okay by using the logic that she's Asian and Asian people are like that. Me, as a Korean, I don't support rape and I am against people who tolerate rape in any case. I couldn't understand how could a person be okay with rape at all and I was so disgusted by it, so I vented it to my friend because I'd already cut her off and there was no way for her to see this, a few days ago. But somehow, Neopentane5 was able to see my DM which I only intended to share with my friend, and wrote about it, making excuses and revealing my Discord name and Tumblr blog to the public, allowing her followers could easily attack me when I had no intention to expose her when I was talking with my friend.

We used to be friends, but we didn't quarrel and the quarrel she means is the last conversation I wrote about above, where I was explaining why I decided to block her. I didn't drive a distance between Neopentane5 and her friends, in fact, there was only one person I asked why didn't they distance Neopentane5 yet. The friend she was talking about was also my friend, and when I decided to block her, I told the friend too. I was genuinely worried about the friend because they said that they also had problems with Neopentane5 before and had an emotionally hard time because of her.

I talked about my interaction with her to my friends, not making it go on the public. Every person can feel bad and hate someone, and I needed to vent my feelings to my friends, Neopentane5 is talking about this as if I did something wrong after seeing what she wasn't able to see. About how she could manage to see my DM, my friend shared it with someone else without my consent and their friend shared it again to another, and so on. This is a wild guess, but when I talked to the friend after blocking Neopentane5 they said they already knew what happened, and in the way Neopentane5 talked in the last conversation I had with her, it's not hard to assume that she probably said many bad things about me. I don't blame her for talking back behind my back, because it's natural to vent someone's feelings to someone, but it's very disappointing and frustrating to see her attack me.

When I said I could make her an account, she denied it because she didn't want to look weak in front of me and said it was cheap to buy a new phone number, saying it didn't even cost a single dollar.

It was one game she bought, and I told her how much I appreciated it enough that she told me to stop praising her. However, she hadn't played it once when I asked her to play it together later. I don't know what she's talking about the 'learning new ways to use AI for me' because if she's talking about CAI, I was the one who was making characters mostly and I've never asked her to make one for me.

I asked her to do RP with her because it looked like she was getting tired of CAI's waiting line and the limited responses. I said it was totally okay if she didn't want to do so, but she accepted it and then I made a server to invite her. She talked like she didn't enjoy it at all, but as embarrassing as it might sound, I enjoyed it and appreciated her for doing it together, and when I asked her if she was enjoying this too, she said yes and saved funny moments we had.

I say it again that it wasn't an argument or a quarrel. I explained why I wanted to distance her instead of just blocking her without any words, giving her the last chance to apologize and to make things better again. I explained it in the last conversation I had with her, you can read about how she keeps trying to justify her careless actions toward me by saying she's just forgetful and I don't understand her at all when I was struggling because of my depression and I needed someone to show me that they cared about me, but she couldn't understand me at all. I expected her to show it to me because she said I was special and different unlike the other friends she had, but maybe I was too naive.

I've never talked about anything related to her to the public or in my account where anyone can see it until now. Look at who decided to point me out and blame me, revealing my blog and discord account.

It's also not healthy to write me to go kill yourself.

This is all, and it was Neopentane5 who started blaming me on the Internet first. These are her Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram pages. I hope anyone who reads this will distance yourself from her and her devotees, and it would be appreciated if you could reblog this post and share it on other websites like Twitter too.

Sorry for tagging the fandom tags, but I don't want other people to suffer the same thing I did. Thank you for reading a long post. + I edited the post since it was flagged.

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juicezone · 10 months ago

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Hi! I'm TL, and I do agere/petre art requests! You can find my queue # and open status on my header! You can also check out this link to see my current inbox details/scheduled posts! Please read the rules below, thank you! It helps to reblog this to spread it around :D

you must obey the dni of this account. especially please do not request or reblog if you are k!nk, nsfw, generally not safe for kids. you will be blocked.

If reqs are closed, you may DM me and ask me to send you a message/heads up when I re-open then!

please be kind when asking :) these are not commissions, i am not required to do them!

if your request is something i’m not comfortable with doing, i’ll priv answer so you have the option of sending another if you’d like! (this is easiest to do if you're not on anon/you leave an @ of your sideblog! If it's a nameless anon, it's likely to just be deleted, sorry ^^'

please put separate requests in separate asks! IE: if you ask for Character from Fandom A and character from Fandon B, please send two asks! (Unless you want them together which is fine :P)

not a rule but feel free to give suggestions! IE: “Can you draw character with a green paci” or “can you draw character as a fox pet-regressor?” or “can you draw character and character as cg + regressor?” "character in a dip" (just make sure to specify who is who!) Honestly, detail helps a lot with being able to draw and do the req!! (NEW 4/28) I will draw stuff like characters being upset, crying, ect. I'll draw characters in dips but atm i'm not necessarily comfortable drawing accidents themselves (unfortunately, i had a problem with one post i made + deleted being basically immediately snapped up by unsavory blogs ): so)

I’d prefer to not draw your persona/sona/ect! I don’t mind drawing in a “blank/YN” type character, but I no longer would like to draw personas/sonas/ect. Sorry! (NOTE: THIS IS EXEMPT FOR FRIENDS LET ME DRAW YOUR AGERE OCS/INSERT SO BAD)

Requests may take a while! I work 30-40 hrs a week on top of being a full time student. I might get it done immediately, it might get done in three months or longer. Usually I do them in order, but not always! If you come into my inbox and repeatedly ask abt it (esp if ur rude) i will delete it. and i will block you.

FANDOMS I'LL DO

I'll do most any media! It's REALLY best to just ask me!! Bluey, MCYT (characters ONLY. *), Star Trek, Pokemon, FNAF, Warrior Cats, Nintendo, Disney - Honestly, it's best to just ask! As long as the media isn't primarily NSFW in the 18+ way, I probably don't mind! Complex chars like in Genshin Impact are fine as long as you're okay with me simplifying/putting them in different clothes (free free to request them in diff clothes even!!)

*Will not do dsmp at this time or characters who are primarily based in that fandom - sorry! just not comfortable with it <:)

FANDOMS I WON'T DO

Harry Potter, Hetalia, IRL People (as in the Content Creator - see below for more detail), Attack on Titan, Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, Country humans/Country balls/Anything based off the countries, Rick and Morty, DSMP

ABOUT IRL PEOPLE

Will do: MCYT for example! Because my design is based off their MC skin. It's like actors v their characters if that makes sense Won't do: Things like Sanders Side or Marki/plier ego stuff, because it's like. there's nothing there for referencing other than the literal person. idk its hard to explain TLDR: thats just my comfort level sorry ^^''

#agere art #sfw agere art #fandom agere art #fandom agere #sfw age regression #sfw petre #petre art

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teaboot · 8 months ago

Note

Since I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be, I have been trying to send to more asks to engage more. I really don't want to bother anyone though so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Detailed? Vague? Work? Fandom? Movies? Books? Childhood? Gardening? Thoughts? OTPs? OCs? I'm sure there are way more categories, I'm not limiting you to these listed options. Perhaps if it's an easier question what types of asks do you not like?

pPAAASGGFYGGJIK THANK YOU?

Detailed asks good yes

Vague asks??? Do not understand but open to the concept

Fandom: My first Fandom was X-Men, then Lord of the Rings, then Homestuck, Transformers, Fullmetal Alchemist, Teen Wolf, Avengers (first movie, when it came out), Batman, Overwatch briefly, Mass Effect, Gravity Falls, Trigun, and now my sister's getting me into Call of Duty! Feel free to ask about any!!

Movies: Yes movies are a great topic I have SO MANY

Oh lord I haven't consistently been up to date on books in FOREVER but yes books are good, you can ask book questions, I'm reading a lot of old classics and recently finished Pride & Prejudice, am now on The One That Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Childhood- oh my god bud you have no idea

Gardening- My house is full of plastic plants on account of how good I am at killing things

Thoughts- Always

OTPs YO YES

OCs? YO YEAH GO FOR IT I NEVER TALK ABOUT THEM aaaaah I need to start writing again- I've been working on an urban fantasy for like. God like 7-8 years now

If I don't like an ask I'll just ignore or delete it but not much is off the table. I will not answer where exactly I live, who I am, if I'm a specific person you met, etc. for safety reasons.

I've worked in sex education so I can answer questions on that topic but if you get too personal or abrasive I will not respond.

I'm regularly flooded with donation requests and it's often too hard to figure out which are real and which are scams using stolen legit posts so as a general rule I do not spread those, I'm sorry.

And if you pop in to sexually harass me or use abusive language towards myself or others then I'm just gonna block you and delete the message.

If you want to warn me that a post I shared came from a bad source I do appreciate that, but if I do my research and can't find a legitimate reason to block someone then I probably won't.

I consider Legitimate Reasons to block someone on recommendation to be abusive language and behaviour, threats, bigotry, propagation of misinformation, production of AI content, and encouragement of dangerous behaviors that pose genuine harm to self or others. I'm not gonna block a random cause they enjoy Steven Universe and you think it's annoying. We all like stuff.

Womp-womp.

Thanks for asking!!! I probably shoulda talked about some of this myself, lol

EDIT: Terfs and radfems are block on sight, it's not your fault you're dumb but I am not capable of educating all of you

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nezuscribe · 8 days ago

Note

I have a lot to say but I don’t know how to phrase any of it so I hope that this will make some semblance of sense.

Firstly, I want to apologize if I ended up spam liking with arranged!Gojo. I came across this universe earlier today and I’ve read as much as I could within the scraps of free time I have today. I think I’m fully caught up and I can’t wait to read more of this in the future! (Assuming that you want to or have interest in continuing to post this universe)

For some reason, your reader deeply resonates with me. She’s someone that I’ve tried to outgrow, (sorry again if this gets too personal) out of fear that I could never have a friend, let alone a group of people that I’ve discovered and be honored to have met them. It pains me to say this, but I think a part deep down inside me has given up on finding the person, a person that I click with and will love more than anyone else — platonic, romantic, or whatever flavor of love it’ll come in. However, after years of trying to shake off (although at times it feels more like hiding) things that I coincidentally have in common with your reader, I think I have the hesitant, terrified hope that maybe something like this could happen to me- that I’m not destined to be alone as cheesy as that sounds… So seeing reader get their person is incredibly inspiring for me and I’m beyond ecstatic that they got their happy ending!!

Your writing with arranged!Gojo is everything and more. I’m afraid that it will haunt me for the rest of my life (in a good way I promise!). It’s so melodic, so realistic and raw and… human?

(If that’s not weird to say, that is if it was and I’ve offended you I apologize again, I’ve- never did something like this before so it’s all unfamiliar to me. Forgive me as I stumble through a forest in the middle of the night with a blizzard with only a thin cloak, a faint lantern to keep me company, and hope that this will be well received.)

I guess I’m trying to say that as I’ve read more and more of your works, I feel… something now and I doubt that I could ever absolutely leave behind. A sense of yearning? Hope? Feeling seen maybe? I’m not- quite sure and I doubt I could ever figure it out, nor do I ever want to.

Man, this is probably a mess to read through and understand so I’ll try to wrap things up to prevent torturing you any further with this nonsensical rambling.

Thank you. Thank you, for sharing your ideas and headcannons with arranged!Gojo. Thank you, for sharing your unique writing, that has happened to resonate with me (I’ll spend eons trying to untangle bits of myself from it and I’ll never be done), and probably others so intensely. Thank you, for providing hope and some confidence that someone (I couldn’t dare hope for many people), could like me for me (shy, scared me instead of the more outgoing personality I act like), for being a moment of calm in a storm I never realized I was drowning in. Thank you for so, so much. It might be a bit too early to say, but I think you might’ve changed my life in a small way, if not a large way. Sincerely, thank you.

- a new supporter

And again, if any of this made you uncomfortable or was too personal or too anything, feel free to ignore and delete this ask! I just- wanted… no needed to try and convey a fraction of what I felt and thought today.

Also, I don’t want to rush you or make you uncomfortable or anything but I would love to have the opportunity to bind everything arranged!Gojo in the future if you’re comfortable with it? I’m happy to talk more details in a private chat, if you would like? (Is that the correct term? I’m not too terribly sure.) I’m also planning on giving you your own personal copy too, if you would like it that is I don’t want to accidentally force you to do anything.

omg thank you so much for sending this in it really made my day <3

and i totally get you nonnie don't apologize. the reason why i write my reader the way i do is because i've lived my entire life believing that something is inherently wrong with me, and that i have to fix myself in order to make somebody like me. and so i get what you're saying and feeling.

i'm so happy that my fics changed your mind, however. i write in hopes that other people can relate and maybe be able to know that they're not alone. and don't apologize for spamming, i get happy knowing people actually read the stuff i write !

and at the end of the day i really hope people take away the simple idea that they'll be loved no matter what. if not with my fics, then with all the other wonderful authors tumblr has. i think we all hope to be loved like that one day, and to know that it's possible and deserving too!

and i would love to see what you have to offer with binding! i've never considered it before but that sounds really cool:)

#nezu speaks #anon reply #arranged!gojo

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samsammysamson · 2 months ago

Text

y'know how it is, babey! ask blogs are fun!

a couplea ground rules;

▸ Don't be a dick to the mod pls! In character dickery is great though. ▸ You can pick on Sam, but use common sense when doing so and don't go overboard. ▸ We ain't doin' irl politics or irl religion here! In-game versions of these topics are fair game! ▸ Being overall bigoted ain't tolerated, and it won't even be posted if they come in! ▸ Suggestive + jokey nsfw stuff is fine, mod is 18+. Just don't send anything that would potentially get the blog nuked, please! ▸ Direct blog x blog shipping requires that you are 18+. I am not comfortable writing romantically with anyone under 18. I don't need to know your exact age, but if the words "I am 18+" or "I am not a minor" aren't anywhere on your blog, or you don't tell me yourself, romantic shipping asks will be deleted. ▸ I LOVE longer in-character interactions. Rp whole threads with me, if you like! I can trim posts to keep things from getting lengthy! ▸ I'm working really hard on making super-customized icons. I hope you guys like them! But please do not take them for personal use without my permission. If you want to use them in edits, please ask me first! ▸ Please check this post if you're going through a crisis. Understand that I feel for what you're going through, but I cannot be the one to help you. So please don't send vents that explicitly detail or idealize harmful behaviors.

aaand mod time ! hiya , i'm rott , a ghoul with way too much time on his hands ! i'm 26 , he/they , and desperately love my gay little gremlins . let's fuck around and have a good time ! :) (the portraits are from bugboybehaviour's sam with a mullet mod, with hella edits by me!)

additional sprites edited by @sebastians-asks and @sheepkebby i am so blessed <3

Tags:

Music: #💿 sam's mix tape 🎵

Fanart: #☀️ fanart 🎸

Headcanons: #;; hc

The horrifying saga of 😎: #😎 anon timeline

#stardew valley #sdv #sdv ask blog #sdv sam #pinned post

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misc-obeyme · 1 year ago

Note

resending just in case the first didnt send due to my wifi cutting off right as i sent it 🙄:

how would the brothers react to an mc who comes from a family where twins, triplets, quadruplets n other sets of multiples are common ? like, their mother is a twin, their father is a triplet, most of their siblings are twins or triplets, the mc even has a twin themselves

i just wanna see how the brothers react to visiting the mcs family n seeing 9 different ppl have look the same cause theres 3 separate sets of triplets in the family

Hi there!

I did get your previous ask, but I decided to answer this one, so I will just delete the other one :)

Okay, this was certainly interesting to think about and the consensus is mostly that they're all confused lol.

Thanks for the request!

the brothers react to GN!MC having a family full of twins, triplets, etc

Warnings: none!

Lucifer

Great. There are more of you. Just how many of you are there, MC? Are these your clones? It must be some magic spell gone wrong. That's the only explanation.

Lucifer demands answers. Explain what is going on. Once you've told him about all the twins and triplets in your family, he's trying to figure out how this is even possible. He always thought such things were rare, but here you all are.

He tries to keep everybody's name straight, but he messes up sometimes. It's not from lack of trying. Actually keeps a little notebook with a list of everybody's name in an attempt to keep track of them. This doesn't really work all that well when everyone looks the same, though.

He never confuses you for one of your family members. No, he knows which one of you belongs to him.

Mammon

He is immediately flustered. How is he supposed to act around all these slightly different versions of you? They all remind him of you, but they're not quite you and he's so confused.

Since we all know he has feelings for you, being around so many people that look like you makes him nervous. He has to try even harder not to give himself away. Pretty much just constantly blushing.

Please stay by his side, MC. He doesn't want to lose track of ya. Not that he would ever mistake anyone else for you, but it's just hard for him to find you again if you go too far.

Mammon likes your family just fine, but being around them all is kiiiind of stressful. Doesn't remember anyone's name. Uses yours almost every time even though he knows he's not talking to you. It just comes out, he can't help it!

Leviathan

Oh! This is just like that one manga called Everyone In My Family is a Twin or Triplet So I Moved Far Away Where No One Would Recognize Me and Ended Up Falling in Love with a Demon Lord! That's almost your exact scenario, MC! You're living a real life manga storyline!

He's not too terrible at remembering who is who, but he's not really great at it, either. He certainly never gets you confused with anybody, but everybody else kind of blends together a bit.

If you've got any family members that have similar interests to him, Levi will get all their names correct every time. This helps him to keep everybody else straight, too.

He's fascinated by your family of look-a-likes, but he definitely thinks you're the best version. He might try to actually say that to you, too, but he's going to be blushing like crazy while he does.

Satan

He's never seen this many twins, triplets, and quadruplets before. He's going to ask a ton of questions. He wants to know how this is even possible. -Tell him you understand the science behind it, MC, because it's fascinating. If you don't know the specifics of how the genetics of such things work, he's going to read a bunch of books about it as soon as he gets home.

He gets everybody's name right. He never mixes anybody up or confuses anybody for anybody else. How he manages to do this is a mystery to everyone, even you. It likely has to do with his ability to retain details.

Since he's capable of keeping everybody straight, your family loves him. It's nice to finally have someone who doesn't get you all confused all the time. He's a little baffled because to him it's not a big deal.

Asmodeus

He has so many ideas. Please, he just has to have a fashion show or photo shoot with all your lovely family members! He's always wanted a crew of models that are just as lovely as you!

Another one who never gets anybody mixed up. Asmo is able to do this because he's a social butterfly and somehow connects everyone's appearance to their qualities and interests. He's just good at it, you know?

He wants to do everybody's hair and paint everybody's nails and any one of your family members who agree will find themselves looking fabulous in no time.

But don't worry. He will make sure to pay extra special attention to you. He's in love with your entire family, of course. How could he not be especially when they all look like you? But you'll always be his favorite, MC.

Beelzebub

Hey. You have a twin, too? Do you guys have twin telepathy like him and Belphie? He's going to have a lot of questions for your twin specifically because he knows what it's like to be one.

Of course, he doesn't look exactly like his twin and that part's a little confusing. Also, MC, do you realize that all of your family members look the same? What's going on with that?

You'll have to explain who is twins, triplets, or quadruplets with who. He'll try to keep them all straight, he really will. But his success rate is kinda low. Gets most of them mixed up with each other.

He never gets you or your twin mixed up with anyone else, though. He gets that, so it's easier for him to understand. Thinks of your twin as "MC's Belphie" forever after.

Belphegor

Okay. He obviously knows about the twin life, but this is kinda overdoing it, don't you think? He knows your family isn't like this on purpose (at least he doesn't think so), but wow. It's kinda chaotic.

Surprisingly good at keeping everybody straight. He doesn't try too hard and he still messes up, but he's better at it than some of the others.

He also wants to know if you have twin telepathy. What about the triplets and quadruplets? Do they have it, too? He imagines that having quadruplet telepathy would be pretty noisy.

In the end, he likes your family fine, but he prefers you. Content to just sit beside you while you interact with your many family members. Probably falls asleep on your shoulder as you do so. Sorry, MC, but your family kinda tires him out.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me headcanons #obey me fanfiction #obey me fanfic #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me brothers #request #misc writes

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writingquestionsanswered · 7 months ago

Note

Silly questions, but... for my peace of mind, I have to ask: do you ever get sick of us? I've sent a lot of questions over the course of the time I've followed you, and some days I worry that I annoy you with them. Especially if it's something that's been asked before.

I Love Answering Questions, But...

This question just came in, but I have a few minutes so I wanted to answer really quick...

This question made me laugh (in the BEST way), so thank you! ♥

The short answer is 'no,' I never get sick of the questions or feel annoyed by anyone.

The long answer is this: there are three things that do cause me some frustration, and they are...

1 - People don't read the ask policies before asking questions - At the bottom of almost every post there's a link to my ask policies, which is mainly a list of topics I won't cover for various reasons. Yet you'd be astounded by how many people still ask those questions. I used to re-post redacted versions and dance around the answers, but it just takes time away from questions that follow the rules. So, from now on, I will be outright deleting questions that violate my ask policies.

2 - People don't check the master list of posts - I get a fair amount of questions that could have been answered by a quick spin through my master list of posts. However, I do understand that tumblr mobile is garbage and the master list can be a little daunting, so I don't mind dropping in a few quick links if someone isn't able to find what they're looking for. I just prefer that people take a few minutes to try before sending their question in.

3 - Three-figure word count asks - The day tumblr dropped the word limit on asks was the day my quick turnaround disappeared forever. When there was a limit, people had to be thoughtful about how they worded their questions. They really had to think about what information was the most important, and really put thought into how best to frame their question. Now I get exhaustive plot summaries, truck loads of unnecessary details, the same question phrased six ways in one question... overnight, I got an ask that is over 400 words long. That is roughly two pages in a trade paperback book. Not only do these excessively long questions take me longer to read and think through, but they take me longer to answer because I have to edit them for length and content. So, I do wish more people would take the time to edit themselves when asking their questions.

And now I've exceeded my few extra minutes, but don't worry, that cuts into my own writing time, not question answering time. That's on the schedule for later today, so see you then! Thanks for your question! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

Please allow up to two weeks for a response. ♥

#wqaadvice

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sugarcanehoes · 5 months ago

Note

god i need all of your tubscar ideas like. now

anon. anon i am so Normal about them i promise.

rpf tubscar especially makes me ghhhh bc their age gap is so sexy to me. and the fact that tubbo literally grew up watching scar is just... you know this man is head over heels for his favorite youtuber and would do Anything for him. scar could tell tubbo to hold a handstand for 5 hours and tubbo would do it, no questions asked, and then would sulk for not being able to do it properly bc he doesn't want to disappoint scar.

and the YEARNING. don't get me started on the yearning, these two are the textbook definition of slow burn. not only they have this difference in age, but they live far apart and have very different lifestyles, so they always think the other is not interested. tubbo doubts scar would have time for him, knows scar has so much to do, thinks he's too annoying to hang out with scar because of the constant cursing and repetition of words. and scar doesn't want to bother tubbo, sees tubbo constantly hanging out with friends, drinking, doing subathons, playing all sorts of games and just being a normal young adult and scar really doesn't want to disturb that. so they stay silent, gazing at each other's discord profile, hoping the other will magically send a dm inviting for a call later that day, maybe we can revisit our sky block world?

eventually someone has to take initiative and i guess one night tubbo just feels restless and mindlessly sends scar a message, not really waiting for an answer, hand hovering over the 'delete message' button just seconds before a new text pops up in chat. 'hey, tubbo! isn't it late there? why are you awake? :)'

and then eventually it turns into a habit, two restless and anxious men bonding over minecraft, space, twitch, content creation and everything else. tubbo shows scar a dj set he's preparing for a stream and scar acts as if he's not interested in tubbo's hands moving quickly; scar shows tubbo his minecraft test world and explains in detail every single build and tubbo acts as if he's not dangerously focused on how skillful and experient scar is at the game. it shouldn't be hot... but it is. and both of them always say their goodbyes and go lay on their beds with their heads full of thoughts they feel ashamed about - thoughts that more often than not lead them to sneak a hand past the waistband of their pants.

and when they meet up irl? all hell breaks loose. the thoughts that were so well contained in the deepest, darkest spaces of their brains suddenly spill out as they try to act normal near each other. scar, who likes to be independent and hates it when someone tries to "help him", is suddenly okay with tubbo pushing his wheelchair and getting him food and water when the event gets too crowded. tubbo, who famously hates physical contact, is suddenly okay with scar pulling him for a hug, ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks while calling him kid.

and if tubbo ever gets drunk near scar, god, the post-drunk clarity would hit so hard because tubbo would spend the whole night whining to his friends that scar is so hot and that omg i can't, i literally can't, i have to sit on his lap, all the while his friends warn him that he's not really whispering as quietly as he thinks and that scar is definitely hearing him - and scar is also blushing a bit as he tries to ignore tubbo's comments about him, acts as if the slurred words don't get to him, curses his health conditions that force him to stay sober while trying to deal with this horny 20-year old clearly - and loudly - thirsting for him.

and when scar finally, finally breaks, after long hours of venting to a probably-very-high grian about how much he has to hold back near tubbo and grian slushes out an, "and why are you holding back? you're an adult, he's an adult, and there's clearly a lot of sexual tension. stop acting as if this is the first younger person you've ever hooked up with." (to which scar would groan and answer that "that was only once, ugh, why do you still remember that?"), scar finally tells tubbo to spend the night in his hotel room so they can have some alone time.

"are you sure your brother won't mind? where is he going to sleep?" "it's fine, toby, don't worry, he can stay in another room."

so tubbo sits down on scar's bed and scar wheels closer to him. they chat, and they're both nervous, but scar puts a hand on tubbo's knee and tubbo holds his breath, stopping mid-sentence to quiet down a moan. "i brought alcohol," he says. "you can drink a bit, but not too much," scar answers, and tubbo wobbles on his legs and tries to ignore the unsaid yes, daddy burning on the back of his throat.

tubbo reciprocates the touches, and he doesn't need much to finally make his dreams come true and climb on scar's lap. scar helps him get undressed, one kiss leading to another, and when tubbo sinks down on scar's cock, it's as if it all led to this moment.

tubbo is ecstatic. scar quickly gets breathless, but he lets tubbo indulge, telling him he's such a good boy and that you look so pretty, toby, to which tubbo only whines in response. tubbo comes first, crying out scar's name, but doesn't stop bouncing, too immersed in it to notice his legs burning and his cock struggling to keep up, until he comes again, shaking on scar's lap and hugging scar's neck, resting for only a minute before kneeling down on the floor and sucking scar until he gets his climax as well - and tubbo gets hard again, ruts against scar's leg, jerks off until he comes all over his fist, moaning as scar caresses his hair and shoots cum down his throat.

tubbo can't believe this is happening. it's too good, too fucking good, and he climbs back on scar's lap and stares at scar's face to try and convince himself that fuck, holy shit, i'm having sex with scar. scar smiles, rubbing circles on tubbo's hip, and tubbo is so horny, so needy, that even if his cock physically can't get hard again, he rides scar's thigh and sobs on scar's ear, hugging him close, intoxicated by scar's cologne, until scar gently pats his back and tells him, "it's okay, toby, you can stop now. there you go, good boy."

when they wake up next morning, limbs tangled and eyes hazy, tubbo fucks scar into the mattress, slowly, for good measure, as scar praises him and kisses his face. "tell me, kid, for how long have you wanted this?" "oh, you don't- you don't even know, scar. for- for so long, fuck-"

it becomes a constant. when they're apart, they turn on their cameras on discord to release some stress; when they're together, they spend most of the time either having sex or cuddling and chatting after sex. tubbo's friends mock him for being a daddy's boy. grian doesn't say anything, but he always has a smug smirk on his face when he catches scar and tubbo interacting in public, always touching each other somehow.

tl;dr: mutual pining leads to age gap daddy undertones 'they were both bottoms' needy whiny sex. everyone except their neighbours is happy.

uh. you probably intended this as a 'sexy headcanons' thing but i got SO CARRIED AWAY holy shit 🧍

i also have thoughts of c!tubscar and other headcanons but this is GIGANTIC already so i'll leave it to another time.

thank you for indulging me in my little tubscar brainrot era <3

#warning: daddy scar mentioned #me: nooo i cant write anything im such a loser writer / also me on a random monday: hey how about some Tubscar Propaganda #the yearning gets to me every time. god i'm so gay #sugary asks #sugary writing #tubbo/scar #tubscar #mcytnsfw

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lemuel-apologist · 3 months ago

Text

Hey, everybody. I am going to keep this post short. (I'm coming back partway through to say that this was, evidently, a lie.)

I said something about it yesterday; I'll say something more in-depth now.

So, a couple years ago, when a round of r4cs0 troll asks reached the exmo blog-sphere of tumblr, I got frustrated and posted something fairly strongly-worded (an understatement). Over the course of the past three years, I have received asks here and on my main blog (and, I believe, my writing blog?) implicating myself over and over in whatever that guy is being accused of this time. It's one thing when it's in my inbox. I can say something dumb to it or, more often, ignore and delete it.

It's another thing when it's sent to other people, which is something I had not considered. Yesterday, someone reached out to me right before I went to ward choir with my brother (they need altos. I need a musical outlet. Don't judge me) to let me know they had received this ask concerning r4cs0 and myself; and I knew the kind of ask he was talking about, but not the content. We talked about it a bit, over the course of yesterday and tomorrow; and, in the interim, my friend Shine (hi, Shine, love you) notified me that her fiance, Serra (hi, Serra, I don't know you) had received the exact same ask on his blog. And I don't know Serra outside of Shine. I still follow her even though Shine doesn't have a Tumblr anymore, but, to my knowledge, Serra doesn't follow this blog? Unless he sneakily did that? What would be the connection there?

Of course, there probably isn't one, unless I am the connection. Speculating doesn't do much of anything. So let's bump some Paramore and work through it, shall we?

I know now, of course, that the ask says the following, where I'm concerned:

Unfortunately an exmo blogger I follow called lemuel-apologist took the bait. And I'm assuming (and really hoping) that she was just joking around to try to troll r4cs0… But she claims that r4cs0 is "right" because she allegedly did organize a "queer jump humping orgy" when she was at BYU in order to protest the "inherent ecclesiastical absolutism of colonized Mormon institutions!" I'll spare you the more gruesome details that she divulged, but I guess the "punchline" of this story was that in order to have multiple groups of people jump humping at once, they needed access to multiple beds. So they broke into a furniture store and held the orgy there, causing it to become a protest of both Mormonism and capitalism at the same time! As you can imagine, r4cs0 and his hateful followers didn't think this was a gotcha at all and instead have been spreading this story around to whip up even more bigotry. They even said they plan to send it in to Libs of Tik Tok!!

I don't blame anyone for taking that at face value. I don't. Tumblr culture is set up in a certain way, and that results in people taking callout asks at face value. I get it.

But, genuinely, I have never acted like that in my life. Like I said, I can't prove something in the negative. It's impossible to provide proof that you didn't do something of this nature, especially when the claims are so vague-- and especially when it's presented to a court of public opinion. And I know that hashing all of this out does nothing but throw words into the air, spur on more asks and encourage whoever is sending them to keep putting my name in there (because it's oh-so funny), and offer everyone else a chance to come to their own conclusions. I can't make this stop. I can't make anyone believe me. I certainly can't make everyone see this post.

To be clear, I never made a claim about r4cs0 being "right" about anything (not pertaining to sex; not in general). I have never once organized an orgy. I'm...

Okay, to be clear, asexuality doesn't preclude someone's participation in or organization of an orgy, including as an act of protest, but I patently didn't do that? I've studied sex (on a genetic level) and sexuality (both the social construction and act of it), sure. I went out of my way to study both of those topics as a part of my degree. I think human sexuality is fascinating. It's also just... not for me. Just writing about sex in a non-clinical way took me ten years to get to, almost.

And that's not something that can clear me from this, I know, but it's necessary context to why I'm so baffled by this. I sent this to my friend Cody and he was just as baffled. If you know me, you know that's not something I would ever do; and you know I didn't go to BYU; and you know I don't say thinks like "the inherent ecclesiastical absolutism of colonized Mormon institutions." Frankly, I went out of my way to lie to my mother and not apply to BYU so I could go to school in Ogden (and if you're from Utah, now you know where I got my CJ/CSI degree, lol. There's only one queer studies program here, to my knowledge). Frankly, "the inherent ecclesiastical absolutism of colonized Mormon institutions" is a bit of a nonsense clause. I don't write like that. Not in my academic work! I would never argue that a Mormon institution could be colonized (lol). For all the nuance of the past discrimination against Mormons in the United States versus the current persecution complex, that is not the way I construct my arguments. I could provide examples from my papers on queer feminism, Marxist feminism, and so on, but I don't think that would be very conducive to the discussion.

I also just... have never broken into a furniture store. I don't think I've ever been into the furniture store by my house. And, like I said, I didn't go to BYU. I only ever marched there for competitions when I was in high school. The last time I was on that campus was to go to the Bean Museum with my meemaw, and the time before that was either for an astronomy thing years ago or a marching competition (or the paleontology museum. Love that thing). I didn't go to BYU. I actively organized a Rainbow Day on my college's campus.

Like, to be clear, that's the kind of action I've always tended toward. When I didn't accidentally get dragged into protests, I like to make exhibits, run events, and do educational outreach. Our Rainbow Day was about the history of Rainbow Day itself, Utah's queer history, and America's queer history. That was what we did. That was my big protest.

Like, I could keep going. I just patently did not do this. I don't give a shit about the other guy, but I did not do this. I wouldn't do something so reckless. I don't judge if other people want to-- more power to you; someone has to do the big, flashy acts of protest-- but I... don't... operate like that.

Listen, this post got long; I got distracted by what I was writing in the other tab; and I have things I need to work on today (and I have to go put on a sweater, because my meds are making my hair stand on end and I'm SO COLD that I can't concentrate). Just... suffice it to say, that's not true. Whatever that ask says about me, it's not true. These asks go around every so often, infuriatingly, and I'm never sure what they're saying until I look up my name or his. I stopped obsessing over my name getting smeared back in 2021/2022, and it was better for me, but... you know.

Anyway, like I said yesterday: if there's something you see that you're concerned about, please let me know. Ask me. My inbox exists for a reason. I care a lot. Not about my public image (lol), but about whether or not people feel they can trust me, especially in the niche I have carved for myself. When things like this get spread around, it affects my credibility-- as an exmormon, as an ex-JW's daughter, as a CJ-hopeful, as an academic, and so on. I want people to feel safe around me, and to not feel like I'd do something that would endanger them. I wouldn't.

That's where I have to leave it for now. I'm just... really sorry about all of this. I don't know what I did wrong this time. I'm trying not to be anxious about it; and so I'm leaving it here.

#r4cs0 #lemuel-apologist #spam asks #exmo #exmormon #suffice it to say um. actually i'll make a different post lol.

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scopostims · 10 months ago

Text

stim gifs in photopea

[PT: Stim gifs in photopea /End PT]

Hello! This is my (lengthy) tutorial for how I make GIFs for stimblr using Photopea. It's not going to be as extensive as how I make for shows, celebrities, etc, because I have different processes for both, however I'm still aiming to cover everything I think necessary!

It'll be split into multiple sections with headers, so feel free to skip whatever you want if you don't find it necessary :•] Reblogs appreciated if you found it useful, but no pressure obviously!

Sections:

Getting your video

Importing into Photopea

Making the GIF

Sharpening the GIF

Coloring

Exporting & Optimization (in EZGIF)

End results, and misc tips and comments

1. Getting your video

[PT: 1. Getting your video /End PT]

Short section! These are the ways I download and source videos for use

Youtube - yt-dlp (installation instructions)

Instagram

Tiktok (Allows without watermark)

Pexels

For yt-dlp, check out this basic list of commands I made solely for downloading material to GIF! If you have further questions, either send me an ask or refer to the github page.

2. Importing into Photopea

[PT: 2. Importing into Photopea /End PT]

There are two ways to import into Photopea, the first is importing footage directly, and the second is screencapping (which I won't cover in detail, but this tutorial is for installing the program I use on mac & how to use it, and this is for installing on windows)

Option 1: Importing footage directly (see end for comments)

On the home page of Photopea, you'll want to click "Open from computer", and select your clip, upon selecting you'll be presented with a popup like below

All that really matters here is where you see "30 FPS", that's the videos native frame rate. I always put whatever that number is as my frame rate because I find it to be the best, but you can use different presets (Like ezgif, which gives you 12, 20, etc). The less frames you have, the chopper it will be. If you plan to slow it down later, I'd also recommend having more frames so it looks smoother after slowing.

Now you just have to wait for it to load all the frames, then you're set!

Option 2: Importing screencaps

This is my personal way of doing things, so this is assuming you've installed a screencapping program and already have your frames ready.

For this, when you click "open from computer", select the first frame and open it by itself. Once that's loaded, look in the top left at the "File" tab, select "Open & Place", then ctrl + shift to select the rest of your frames. Once they've all loaded in, you can either rasterize them now, or wait until after cropping and resizing (goes faster then).

What's important though, is use the shift key to select all your layers, in the top left open the "Layer" tab, hover over "Animation" at the bottom to expand it, and select "Make frames". With your frames still selected, hit the folder button in the bottom left.

Without this, Photopea won't recognize this as an animation, therefore you'll be unable to export it as a GIF.

3. Making the GIF

[PT: 3. Making the GIF /End PT]

3A. Cropping

To begin with cropping, select the crop tool, which is the fifth one down on the left bar (if you hover over, it will say the name), or the "C" key on the keyboard.

Along the top now, you should have some new options. The dropdown menu that says "Free" is going to be how you select an aspect ratio or fixed size, and I always set to 1:1 since most people on stimblr use square GIFs, but you can do whatever works for you! Make sure to leave "Delete uncropped pixels" unchecked, because that lets you move stuff around later without having to recrop.

Crop your animation down as you see fit, then either hit the enter key, or the check button along the top bar. If you're unhappy with the placement, you can undo it OR, select all your layers, then use the move tool (First icon on the left, or the "V" key) and drag it around as you see fit.

3B. Resizing

With all your layers selected still, open the "Image" tab in the top left, towards the bottom select "Image Size", then select what you want to resize to.

Tumblr's exact GIF sizing

1 per row: 540px

2 per row: 268px

3 per row: 177px

HOWEVER. For stim GIFs, I find the quality difference so negligible, you can resize to what you want. It's also better for it to be bigger and scale down, then smaller and scale up. For this reason, I typically do 268px no matter what, or 300px.

As far as resampling goes, leave it turned on, and I personally leave it on bilinear, but the different options vary slightly, so experiment and see what works for you!

If you're happy at this step, go ahead and skip down to exporting! But when doing this way, I do recommend sharpening for better quality at smaller size.

4. Sharpening the GIF

[PT: 4. Sharpening the GIF /End PT]

The fun thing about this section is you get to experiment and find what works for you! I'll give you my personal method, but you can play around, add and remove bits, etc until you get something you're happy with!

4A. High pass

High pass is my personal favorite way to sharpen GIFs, and for stim GIFs I'll often use only this.

(Steps 1-3 in image) To do, start by right clicking the *Folder* all your frames are in, and select "Duplicate Layer". Select all the frames in Only the folder on top, then go to the "Filter" tab along the top left, hover over "Other", and select "High Pass". The grey look is entirely normal! I normally set my high pass at 2-4, but play around with this step and find something you like!

Select the *Folder* all your high pass frames are in, and change the blending mode (fourth step in image) to "Soft Light", it should be on "Pass Through" initially. With that done, you've used high pass on your GIFs! If you're content here, skip the next section about smart sharpening, and see about merging animation folders under it.

4B. Smart Sharpen

Note: I recommend testing your sharpening settings on one layer BEFORE applying them to all layers, as it will be easier on your computer.

I utilize this in addition to high pass usually, but you can do it all by itself as well! To begin, select all the frames in your folder (if you used high pass, select the frames in the *Bottom* folder). Open the "Filter" tab on the top left, hover over "Sharpen", and select "Smart Sharpen". Now find what you like!

For stim GIFs, if I used high pass, I'll go for 75-110% amount, and a .1 radius. I personally don't like the look of an over sharpened GIF, so I only use smart sharpen if I want to enhance some small details high pass didn't touch enough, which is why I use so little. If you don't like high pass, you might use more here!

4C. Combining animation folders

If you used high pass, you'll notice you have two animation folders. To fix this, select both folders using ctrl + shift, open the "Layer" tab, hover over "Animation", and select "Merge". It will give you a popup to confirm, and you can go ahead and accept!

If you don't merge these, Photopea will think they're two GIFs in one document, rather than only one, which is why this step is so important.

As a note, once you merge these folders, you can no longer shift the frames around to change where they are in the crop like you could earlier.

5. Coloring (Image Heavy)

[PT: 5. Coloring (Image Heavy) /End PT]

This section is going to be less of a tutorial and more a basic rundown of the adjustment layers and what they do. Coloring will change from GIF to GIF, and you can do light or intense coloring, so this is just a guide to begin with, but really just play around and find what you like!

To access the adjustment layer menu, in the bottom right where "New Folder" was, the one directly next to it that looks like a circle made of two half-circles, will bring up your adjustment layers.

As a note, I always group my adjustment layers in a folder above my animation, for ease of hiding to compare with and without.

5A. Levels

Levels is one I almost *Always* use on a GIF because it makes it look cleaner to me. In the first box, sliding the black square on the left *increases* the blacks, sliding the white square on the right *increases* the whites, and the one in the center changes the general brightness up or down.

Sliding the black box on the bottom bar *decreases* the blacks, sliding the white box *decreases* the whites.

If you change the channel from RGB to another option, you can change the balance of reds/cyans, greens/magentas, or blue/yellows, I personally don't touch this for stim GIFs. In the RGB channel, I set the top black box at ~10, and the top white box at ~245 usually.

5B. Curves

This is another way of adjusting brightness, blacks and whites, or color balance. By adjusting the dot in the bottom corner you adjust blacks, the top corner adjusts whites, and if you make a dot in the center, it adjusts general brightness! You can also make multiple dots to separately adjust some values. By changing the channels, you adjust color channels rather than white/black.

5C. Exposure

This is another way of adjusting the lights and darks of the GIF. Sliding the exposure up and down will add/take away light from the lighter parts of your images. Adjusting the gamma correction up and down will add/take away shadow from the darker parts of your image. Offset increases/decreases the brightness of the whole thing but I almost never use it.

5D. Vibrance

Vibrance is what I like to think of as a "softer" way to increase intensity of colors, instead of using a Hue/Saturation layer. It affects warmer colours more intensely than cooler colours, whether you use the vibrance or saturation slider. The saturation slider here is more intense than the vibrance one, but less intense than saturation in a Hue/Saturation layer.

5E. Hue/Saturation

This one is simple! Sliding the hue slider changes the colour, sliding the saturation slider increases/decreases saturation, and sliding the lightness is basically like directly adding black/white to a color. I use lightness only sparingly.

What's cool here, is you can adjust the range to target a specific batch of colours! If you find your reds are too bright compared to everything else, you can target the saturation of them specifically.

5F. Color balance

This is a simple way to adjust the base colors of an image, by changing it to be more cyan or red, magenta or green, or yellow and blue. This can be useful for making a GIF appear warmer or cooler!

I almost only touch the shadows & midtones, and highlights sparingly. "Preserve Luminosity" preserves the highlights and shadows of the image, so by unchecking it, you can achieve some more intense results.

5G. Black & White

The black and white layer is useful because you can change exactly how light or dark a color appears after making it black and white. For that reason, I prefer it over a gradient map if I need to make something black and white.

5H. Photo filter

Photo filter is a simple way to add a color filter over the entire image, and adjust how strong or weak it is. "Preserve luminosity" once again just keeps the darks and whites of the original GIF.

5I. Channel mixer

I couldn’t even begin to cover channel mixer here, but this is for very intense color edits (I typically use it when I'm trying to make a GIF fit a board). However, here's another tutorial solely about channel mixer if you're interested in taking a crack at it!

5J. Selective color

Finally, selective color allows you to adjust the amounts of color or lightness/darkness of a specific batch of color.

By changing the color channel, you can affect different batches of color. The cyan slider controls cyan/red, the magenta slider controls magenta/green, the yellow slider controls yellow/blue, and the black slider controls black/white.

Checking the "absolute" is essentially like "Preserve Luminosity" in the other layers. With absolute, it's like shifting the color one way or the other, and without absolute, it's like adding to the pre-existing color.

6. Exporting and Optimization

[PT: Exporting and Optimization /End PT]

6A. Exporting

With all that done, we're ready to finish it up! To finish your GIF, open the "File" tab in the top left, go to "Export As", and select GIF!

Here you can rename, adjust the size (WILL ruin the sharpening you did), the quality (I leave at 100%), and the speed.

Another important thing to note is the "Dither". If you leave dither off, you can potentially encounter color banding, which is where (typically gradients) with look like strips of color, rather than smooth. This is because GIFs only have 256 colors they can render, so if something has too many, it bands.

By checking dither, it can get rid of color banding, at the cost of dots on the image (around where the worst color banding is usually). Sometimes the dots aren't noticeable and this is the better option, however it will Also increase your file size. It's up to you if you want to use it!

6B. Optimization

This is technically an optional step, as tumblr's GIF size limit is 10mb, so as long as you're under that, you can post, however, smaller GIFs load faster and I personally find are better for use in stimboards where you're loading a lot of GIFs! So to help this, let's head on over to the optimize section of ezgif. My personal goal is UNDER 4.5MB, ideally under 4MB.

The two main things I recommend are Lossy GIF, or removing frames, and I always start with Lossy GIF. I do anywhere from 5-15, and usually this will bring down GIFs a lot if you made them in Photopea! My example GIF was 6.7 MB to begin with, and afterwards it was 4.2MB.

However if you find that to be not enough, you can remove frames. When you remove frames, it speeds the GIF up, so I also recommend slowing it down (this is why I set my frames high in the beginning as well). I typically do "Remove every 4th frame" and slow it down to 75%-85%.

7. End results, and misc tips and comments

[PT: 7. End results, and misc tips and comments /End PT]

(source) The first GIF is without sharpening/colouring, the second is with sharpening but no colouring, and the third is with sharpening and colouring. I didn't color it much besides making it slightly warmer, but I hardly ever do much anyways!

As for misc comments:

In firefox, when you import footage directly, sometimes it glitches and tries to load 4000 blank frames, which is extremely resource intensive on a computer. The solution is import the footage in chrome, save as PSD, then open the PSD in firefox. (Or work in chrome but why do that /half silly). The other solution is screencap which I do since I do this often, but both work fine.

In firefox, sometimes you're unable to slow the GIF down upon export and it will export faster than it actually is. Slowing the video down to 50% restores it to native speed I've found, and you can do this in ezgif before other optimization.

When colouring, my number one tip is slide something all the way up first, then adjust down! By seeing it at max, you have a better idea of what's getting adjusted.

If you have any questions, drop me an ask :•]

And that concludes our tutorial! My apologies for the length, but I wanted to cover every possible thing here. It definitely seems like a lot, much more than working in ezgif, but when you get used to what you're doing, it goes extremely fast (even if you spend extra time screencapping). I personally find it worth it for the ability to sharpen GIFs alone, but as well as more detailed coloring opportunities.

Thank you for reading, I hope this has been useful!

#i did it :•]#not stim #stimblr #gif tutorial #photopea #big thanks to talos for proofreading this :3 🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤

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