#don't mistake me - he's clearly putting his all into it but the contrast with his bandmates is different

[yridenergyridenergy]

Everybody is standing straight, playing Utafumi arduously and applying themselves to the backup vocals.

Meanwhile, Kyo:

[pomefioredove]

My brain is kinda sluggish plus I'm indecisive but also i did like several of these (also if i need to divide up this post let me know)

I have no clue which i like best so i simply made a list but let me know if i need to chunk it up

For Riddle Rosehearts

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." Or "I'm putting you on my to-do list."

For Vil Schoenheit

"Don't bite your lip, I want to do that."

For Ruggie

"You like me because I'm a scoundrel."

vil done here!

summary: "if you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." type of post: short fic characters: riddle additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, maybe ooc, post book 1

You think it's a pretty pathetic sight, but you make no mention of it. Their egos are bruised enough as it is.

"How long?" you ask, sitting across from the shackled duo.

Ace knocks against the solid collar around his neck. "Not long... But we can't present like this,"

You were hoping he wouldn't say that.

And just a day after you told them not to do anything stupid this week, too...

Deuce says nothing; he's been sulking at the end of the table like a puppy with its tail between its legs for the entire lunch period.

"Have you tried reasoning?" you ask. "Maybe he can take them off for the presentation, then put them back on?"

Ace scoffs. "Reason? With Riddle?"

"I thought he was trying to be more lenient?"

"He is," Deuce mutters, hanging his head. "But that just means he only dishes out punishments when someone really deserves it..."

"It was just a stupid painting!" Ace says.

"That we set on fire!"

You look between the two as they bicker over the accident, bewildered by their lack of concern about where this puts you.

Ace and Deuce were supposed to perform the magical component of your defense project, while you and Grim presented. Now...?

You stand. "I'll talk to Riddle,"

Your friends share a pitiful look, but do nothing to stop you as you hurry out of the room.

Surely, Riddle will understand. He wouldn't let you suffer from Ace and Deuce's mistake!

"No," he says.

"But-"

Riddle beheads the wilting flower of a rose with a sharp snap of his shears. It tumbles into the underbrush.

"They destroyed a priceless piece of art. It was hundreds of years old!" he snaps, leaving no room for disagreement. "They should be thankful it's only a week."

He moves on to the next browning rose, inspecting its petals before decapitating it, too.

"But I didn't do anything. I told them not to do anything dumb, I tried to reason with them,"

"Reason? With Ace and Deuce?" he scoffs.

"I would recommend asking for an extension on your assignment until they've carried out their sentence,"

It's too late to ask for another week; he must know that. And you're not giving up so easily.

There must be something you can say...

"But it was an accident,"

Riddle scoffs. "Of course it was. And the rules clearly state that accidental arson of a painting more than three hundred years old must be punished by losing their heads,"

Rules. Great. This is quickly becoming a lost cause.

"There has to be some other way they can be punished," you say. "You said you weren't going to lose your head about these things anymore."

He sighs, rolling his eyes as if frustrated with you. "The rules-"

"Come on, Riddle- If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun!"

Riddle stops. For a moment, it's almost like... he's actually considering your offer.

"...What exactly did you have in mind?"

-

"This is what you call a compromise?!"

Ace's head of fiery hair pops up, the color a striking contrast against the green of the hedge maze.

You shrug. Riddle, sitting across from you as you watch the two tend to the shrubbery, almost giggles.

"The Prefect has been more than fair. If anything, you should be thanking them for the opportunity to end your punishment early," he says, pouring you another cup of tea.

Ace grumbles, scratching his neck under his collar.

Deuce nudges him, and the two get back to work on trimming the hedges, a puny pair of shears in each hand.

Riddle smiles. "I must say, I'm rather impressed by your persuasion skills. It's not often that I change the terms of a punishment after it's dealt,"

"Well, I didn't want to fail on their account,"

"I heard that!" Ace yells. Riddle grins again.

"Perhaps your ingenuity will inspire them, then," he hums, cupping his tea in his palms.

"In the meantime, I believe another tea party is in order for tomorrow afternoon- they have a lot of ground to cover. Care to join?"

[vervainandspritz]

JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES

Thomas Shelby x Reader

It's a little addition to the three part fic! A little closure for people who needed it!

Warnings: swearing, fluff, comfort

A/N: that's it guys, they're gonna be happy I promise

~~

If someone asked, Y/N wouldn't be able to pinpoint the moment when she started feeling like home in the Arrow house. The realisation at first made her… fearful almost, as she knew how comfortable the boys became with the house. With Tommy. They’ve spent nearly a year here since the ongoing threats from the Changrettas. Could she take these young boys away from what they’ve known? Before, Y/N was doing her very best to focus on day to day life, back when her relationship with Thomas was very difficult and… barely there. Now, on the other hand, things looked different and day by day he kept proving to her that he deserved to be a father to Nick and Tommy.

Functioning around and with Thomas grew on her more than she'd like to admit. Subconsciously, she memorised his work schedule to make sure he had something warm to eat after coming home. Whenever she wouldn't know how to handle an issue, she would come to him instinctually. No matter whether it was a serious matter, or a stubborn lid on a jar she couldn't open.

Basically, they lived like a family. Neither of them expected the shift in the air that would happen after realising that… they weren't forced to live together anymore. The threat was gone, and so was the excuse for living together despite their uncertain situation. It was easier to brush it away, having an excuse other than… the want to stay. Thomas didn't dare to touch this topic, maybe fearing he'd give her an idea to leave.

So they both pretended like the matter didn't exist.

Y/N thought about it while she scrambled around the room, looking for Nick's pants in the midst of chaos as Tommy ran around fully dressed.

”Bloody hell” She mumbled, moving around in her nightgown, not prepared at all. Guests would start arriving in about forty minutes so she had to be quick.

“There!” She exclaimed happily, pulling out the small piece of clothing from their wardrobe as she grabbed the boy to put it on. A satisfied smile appeared on her lips as she took in their appearance. Their white shirts contrasted with the dark blue suit pants and suspenders which ensured that, well… their pants would stay where they're supposed to.

As she moved towards her vanity, Y/N looked at her face to check whether her makeup that she put on while her boys were taking a nap still looked neat, letting out a sigh of relief as it was all fine. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Tommy wearing only his right shoe, running towards the door while holding the other in his hand.

”Thomas!” She yelled after him, using his full name for a better effect, which… clearly didn't work, as the boy ran out of the room.

Without a second thought, Y/N rushed after him, immediately fearing that he'd fall down the stairs.

She repeated his name, falling out of the room at high speed, and before she could react, she stumbled upon the one person she didn't expect to stand there, Thomas. He stood there, cocking an eyebrow at the way she looked with her hair up, body covered by the thin fabric.

“Got places to be?” He asked with a head tilt and grin on his lips, causing Y/N’s cheeks to turn bright pink at the way he looked at her.

“No, I–I was dressing up and he.. bolted out of the room.” Y/N couldn't hold in the giggle, seeing Tommy clutching his father's hand and still holding the other shoe, looking proud of himself as ever.

Thomas watched her carefully, secretly loving the way she scrunched up her nose while laughing.

“Don't look at me like that, Shelby. It's your fault.” She pointed out, raising her eyebrows as she put her hand on her hips, causing him to eye her once again before indulging in the banter.

“How so?” He chuckled, still standing really close, and without any intention of moving.

“First off, you went to get ready first and left me with BOTH of them,” she pointed out, counting on her fingers for a dramatic effect. “...and he's a troublemaker because of you. Like father like son,” She added with mischief, causing him to shake his head with a smile.

“Well,” He started before glancing down, “I am in fact wearing both of my shoes, he probably got it from you.” Thomas pointed towards her bare feet, making her blush more fiercely. “And haven’t you always bragged to me about how well you’ve learned to multitask?” he added.

Y/N rolled her eyes at his words, secretly enjoying the exchange.

“I have,” She responded confidently, taking a step forward to reach for the shoe little Tommy was holding, unconsciously closing up some proximity between them. As she straightened her back, she was mere inches from the man's face, gasping as he leaned closer.

“Is that right?” He said with a cocked eyebrow, seeing the way she reacted to being so close to him..

“Mhm” She nodded, trying to hide away how flustered she suddenly felt. Thomas looked at her lips for a second, before smiling and clearing his throat.

He reached a hand out to her face to lightly brush her hair back into place, causing Y/N to involuntarily let out a quiet sigh.

“I’ll have to test it at some point,” He responded in a voice a little too husky to take it as completely innocent, yet nothing bold. It delicately danced on the line she firmly set between them after moving in.

Y/N’s pupils dilated, playfully scoffing at his words, yet unable to find anything smart as an answer. It wasn't often for her to run out of things to say, but it was one of these rare moments, which clearly amused him.

A peal of laughter interrupted the moment, bursting the bubble of tension which seemed to be surrounding them throughout the whole encounter.

Thomas glanced at the small carbon copy of himself, suddenly remembering they weren't alone.

“What's so funny, little man, eh?” He asked in a softer voice, the one he was using purely with their boys.

Without an audible answer, little Tommy's hand shot up, his chubby little finger pointing towards the room.

Looking back, Y/N suddenly froze at the sight in front of them.

The briefly unsupervised Nick had climbed onto the vanity chair and applied a nice thick layer of “crimson passion” lipstick to his nose and forehead.

“As of right now, that's your son” Y/N sighed with a glimmer of humour in her eyes.

Even though it was a joke in this instance, hearing her calling the boys theirs or his always melted his heart. Back when he first discovered their existence, he wasn’t sure Y/N would ever acknowledge his role in front of them.

With a shake of his head, Thomas took a step forward, to her surprise leaning down as he kissed her temple before moving past them.

“I'll take care of them, you go get dressed. Polly and Ada will arrive in less than half an hour.”

***

The small amount of powder on Y/N’s face was the only reason why her cheeks weren't pink as she walked downstairs, catching everyone's eye. She looked radiant wearing her blue evening dress combined with the pearls adorning her neck.

Thomas stood back, watching and he couldn't help but feel almost giddy at how pretty she looked. As everyone greeted her, they moved to the dining room, still chatting, as maids slowly brought out the food and drinks. The atmosphere around the house was much lighter since the threat wasn't hanging above them like a dark cloud anymore. Ada took the opportunity to talk to Y/N about the kids, gushing over their resemblance to her brother.

Arthur and Linda arrived a little later, explaining the delay as their kids had been more fussy than usual.

Y/N listened closely as Polly talked away, trying not to get distracted by Tommy's hand on her lower back whenever she was within his reach, which was quite difficult.

Soon enough he asked the maids to look over the children, giving Y/N a wink before he and his brothers moved to the office, having to look over one of the contracts.

The women were sitting in the living room drinking and gossiping when the conversation turned toward the whole Changretta affair.

“Y/N, you must give me your new address once you and the boys move out,” Linda said with a knowing smile. “Because you're planning on moving out, right?” The straightforwardness of her allusions made the chatter die down, stirring up an awkward atmosphere.

Polly and Ada exchanged awkward glances as the entire mood of the room shifted.

“I'm sure Y/N will let you know about any changes should they occur” Polly replied with a warning tone.

“Should they occur? I don't understand. I thought she only lived here for protection, not to live in sin,” said Linda, glancing around their faces as she raised her eyebrows in surprise. Linda was always bold with her words, but

“I think you've said enough, Linda” Ada coldly said as she glared daggers at her sister-in-law. Y/N rubbed her hands against her lap, looking around nervously. Finishing up her tea, she got up from the couch, thanking them for coming.

“It's about time for my boys to get ready for bed. I think I should go check on them and Frances. Please excuse me” Y/N said with a growing blush of embarrassment and fury on her face. Polly saw how nervous this exchange made her, so didn't dare to try and stop her, instead glaring eloquently at the blonde woman.

Being just around the corner, Y/N overheard the last few sentences.

“What?” Linda asked with a huff, “These were her words at the beginning, don't you remember? Plus they're not even Shelby's technically.” She offered with annoyance, lighting a cigarette and inhaling the smoke as the older woman got up angrily, pointing towards her face.

Y/N walked away before Polly's heated response came to her ears, scooping up Tommy and grabbing little Nick by the hand, as he rubbed his eyes with his fist.

“Let's get you two to bed, hmm?” She said in her softer voice, feeling Tommy nodding against the crook of her neck.

“Noooo” Nick replied in a sleepy voice, watching his steps intently with half lidded eyes, as to not trip over any stairs. Y/N just smiled under her breath, his stubbornness reminding her so much of his father.

After changing them into pyjamas, she managed to put them both to bed despite some fussing from Nick, as expected. She couldn't help but spend a few minutes watching them sleep so peacefully, feeling relief that they were both happy and content.

Standing up from the bed, Y/N froze for a second, only then noticing Thomas standing in the doorway, watching over them calmly.

“What happened?” He asked begrudgingly as soon as the door behind them closed, his eyes scanning her face in search of truth. Y/N didn't meet his gaze, looking ahead as she hugged herself lightly.

“Nothing happened, it was a nice evening” she replied in a tone that didn't even sound convincing to herself.

“It's still early, they're all downstairs.” He pointed out, raising his brows, fully knowing she wasn't being truthful.

“Boys were sleepy,” She pointed out, finally looking at him. He blinked a couple times, before narrowing his eyes.

“Alright,” he eventually said, “They're asleep, so let's join everyone downstairs then” his voice suggested a challenge in his tone, as he tried to get her to… start talking. Y/N sighed with annoyance at his digging, knowing damn well how stubborn he was.

“No, I just–” she stopped, pulling back ”I don't feel good–” Y/N offered but Tommy cut her off,

“It's what she said, isn't it?” His voice was rougher, eyes carefully studying her expression, which was enough to know the answer. “Polly told me,” Immediately added to the question she had written all over her face.

Letting out a sigh, Y/N looked towards the stairs, hearing fairly loud voices from downstairs, making it all the difficult to process her feelings. His eyes followed hers, sensing the anxiety she was feeling. He knew her too well.

“Let's not talk about it here, come on” Thomas said finally, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards his bedroom. Y/N let him lead her, quietly shutting the door behind as he walked further into the room. She crossed her arms, looking in his direction.

“She's not wrong,” Hardened expression and weak voice were giving away her mixed feelings on the matter, but Tommy let her speak. “I should–should find an apartment somewhere, and go back to work… We're not in danger anymore. We should go.”

Her words created some serious chaos in his head, as he watched her face for a longer minute. Eyes frantically grazing over her expression, unsure whether she was serious. Turning around, Thomas let his gaze drop to the floor as he came up to the window, searching for answers to the questions that weren't even asked.

Not directly. Again this fucking uncertainty, he thought, tired of dancing around the situation they didn't address for so long. The realisation dawned on him, as he felt the real threat of losing them. Of losing her again.

Facing her again, Thomas looked her in the eyes boldly, taking a step forward.

“Did I cause that? Have I don't something wrong that makes you want to leave?” His voice steady, demanding a direct answer. “Tell me what's missing and I'll fix it.”

Y/N groaned with frustration, stepping closer to the wardrobe, creating some distance between them that she do desperately needed to think clearly.

“No, Tommy, it's not that— fuck” she cut herself off with a sigh, looking for the right words. “You didn't do anything wrong, it's just… just not—”

“I don't want you to go.” He said suddenly, cutting her off as she fell silent, looking at him with wide eyes. “I can't stand the thought of losing you again, and.. and this” He pointed towards the door, referring to the situation that took place downstairs. “Should have never happened in the first place. I can't stand this fucking distance. Knowing I can't touch you, that i–i can't kiss you despite having you right here.” His voice grew rougher with simmering anger, directed to nobody but himself. “Having you sleep in another room even though your fucking place is by my side.” He took a step forward, looking in her eyes with emotions swirling in his mind. “Knowing that I have no right to keep you here, and.. and after what i did, I will never deserve you.” He said quieter, reaching for her cheek “But I'm selfish, and I can't let you go when you're standing right here, Y/N. I'm tired of hiding how crazy I am about you.” Tommy's eyes were fixed on her lips, as he licked his own, feeling the sudden dryness in his throat. “But uncertainty is the worst, so… so tell me. I need to know—”

This time, Y/N pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes. Her hand gripping onto his vest, feeling his heart thumping beneath her hand. Kissing him slowly, without any rush, as his words rang in her ears.

“Please” He said weakly as she finally pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. Y/N’s hand combed through his hair, enjoying the warmth radiating from his body.

“Please, don't break my heart, Tommy.” She whispered, feeling the weight easing off of her chest. “Because I won't survive being punished for loving you again.”

Taggin my people: @iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @honeymoon8 @chaimaarouaine11 @hatethis29 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta @preparedfruit @emptyvoidofmine @dornishannie

[dragon-ascent]

The Prank

Rex Lapis thinks he's the subject of a prank. Centuries later, he learns the truth.

★彡use of 'wife' but gn reader, april fool's special except it's more heartwarming than funny

Rex Lapis is taking a stroll through the harbor when it happens.

A cloud of dust followed by a beam of light, and then he sees you running toward him almost at the speed of sound. At first, Rex Lapis is on his guard, but when he sees that you are weaponless and wear a huge grin on your face, his brow furrows.

You are dressed funny, your somewhat tight clothing a stark contrast to the loose hemp outfits the people of Liyue like to dress themselves in. A foreigner, perhaps? You don't look like you are from around here.

Coming to a stop mere inches from him, you gaze at him with the light of a million dancing stars in your eyes. Mirth, pure mirth at the sight of him. "Hi Zhongliiiiii!"

Rex Lapis turns around, assuming you must be talking to someone behind him, but notices how your ecstatic gaze is fixed on him alone. Who..?

"Oh, that's right! Silly me! You're Rex Lapis!"

"That I am," the archon affirms, relieved that he wasn't standing between you and someone he had failed to see. How embarrassing if that were the case. "Is there any way I may help...oh-!"

You're circling him, oohing and ahhing at everything about him - his attire, his horns, his tail, and you make a comment about his hairstyle and face remaining largely unchanged. He doesn't understand it, but this kind of attention on him makes him feel slightly...flustered.

"Oh my gosh, you are so cool!" you exclaim when you're done appraising him, bouncing on your heels excitedly. "I wanna put you in a jar and shake you around!"

Rex Lapis blinks, unsure how to respond. Finally, he says, "While I may be able to change my form at will to be able to fit in a jar, I doubt I would like being shaken around violently."

You giggle, and Rex Lapis feels slightly warm inside. Something tells him you should feel familiar to him, but his photographic memory tells no lies - he has never met you before.

"Well, that aside, do you want to know who I am~?" you ask, leaning close so that your face is a breath away from his. This proximity is ballsy on your part, but the archon, curiously, doesn't mind it one bit.

"I do, please enlighten me."

He didn't think your smile could get any wider, but he was wrong. You beam. "I'm your wife, silly!"

Wife..?

Rex Lapis opens and closes his mouth, wondering how on his green earth this could be. Clearly, you are mad. You are mistaking him for someone else, surely...but how many other Rex Lapises are out there?

He manages to form some words. "I...I am afraid I do not follow."

Laughter erupts from your lips. "It's quite simple really! You and I got married, so we are husband and wife!"

"I am aware that is how marriage functions," Rex Lapis says slowly, "but I do not recall ever binding myself to such an important contract with anyone, mortal or not."

You snort. "Well, like it or not, we do share a bed and live our lives together! And we are suuuuuper in love! You'll see! Bye, I love you!" And with that, you pat his butt and skip away.

He is still processing the fact that you patted his butt to notice that you've disappeared completely. Shaking his head, he assumes this is what mortals must call a 'prank,' one of their many ways of making merriment.

*****

Zhongli awakens from an unexpected nap one afternoon, and calls to memory that incident all those centuries ago... yes, something interesting had happened that day.

He looks down at you, his wife, sleeping so peacefully in his arms.

Smiling, he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead.

[tkaulitzlvr]

THE WRONG WAY - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: tom hasn’t been paying you enough attention lately, and, when you finally snap, he can’t understand where you are coming from, until you reach your breaking point. can the issues between you and him be resolved?

content: angst

a/n: pulled this out of my ass lol, i had to rush it because i’m in the middle of another req but it’s nowhere near done after like three hours of writing so i’ll have to finish and post it tomorrow. sorry if there are mistakes, i only proofread veryyy briefly cause i’m so tired rn😭 hope this is okay tho!!

"you don't love me."

i voice the harsh words to the silent room, clearly and with every sense of belief behind my statement. to my discomfort, saying it out loud does not make me feel any more at ease, in fact seeing the way tom’s entire body breaks for a second, processing what i had just said, before trying to cover the hurt on his face up, only suffocates me even more. the lump in my throat only gets bigger, the tension in the air thickening by the second.

"wow." he begins, shaking his head, trying to wrap his head around how i could even come to that conclusion. "that’s an awful accusation." he glances at me, his eyes already glossy, giving me enough of an idea on how much i have hurt him by uttering those four words. however i stick to it, figuring that it is too late to back out now. within me, behind all the anger, all the upset, i feel that it is true. i sense that he no longer feels the same way he did when he met me, all those years ago, the love within his eyes slowly diminishing until it is now long gone.

"and also." he speaks, leaning forward and looking directly into my eyes, staying in his position spread on the end of the other couch. "it's not true. you know it isn't."

the pressure of his gaze leaves me unable to hold eye contact with him, looking away sheepishly into my lap, hoping that somehow the ground could swallow me up. i grit my teeth, locking my jaw in anger, feeling no reassurance from his quick denial of my statement. so i decide to challenge him, standing my ground despite the nausea only growing within me. though his voice seems somewhat certain, i refuse to believe that i am making it up, that it is all in my head. "do i though tom?"

my eyes meet his, except the ones looking into me are foreign. they are angry, a glint of hostility present within them that i had not yet witnessed, this change taking me aback, yet i refuse to look away. he is sad. those eyes, past the resentment in them, i see pain. i see sorrow. i have upset him, far beyond what he intends to let out. he is usually strong, and perhaps right now he thinks that he is keeping this up, yet i can read him like a book, the way his left brow furrows, creating a crease along his forehead, the way his eyes cannot focus on one thing, darting around the room, i can see that he is struggling. and whilst part of me hurts with him, hating to put him through any sort of distress, i need it right now. because i am tired of feeling unloved and unappreciated - regardless of whether tom intends to make me feel this way or not.

he shakes his head, scoffing slightly in disbelief, letting out a shaky sigh, before speaking up, his voice loud, in contrast to the silent room. "what, so i've been lying every single time i’ve told you that i love you, over the past six years that we've been together? mind you, i say that every day, without fail."

i stay silent, my eyes becoming glossy as they quickly tear away from his. he takes my silence as a cue to continue, my sudden belief that he does not love me angering him as he desperately seeks to remind me of every reason why i am in the wrong. "don't i do everything for you? make sure that you're always safe, give you my everything-"

"give me your money, you mean." i reply, cutting him off. i don’t want to seem ungrateful - i appreciate the way tom would spend any amount of money on me if it made me happy. i am thankful for the house he has given me, the vacations he takes me on, the things he buys me, but those things are not the reasons why i fell in love with him. i fell for tom kaulitz. not his money, not his fame, not his profession. i fell for who he is, for him as a person, whether he is rich or poor, yet it feels that day by day i lose a small part of that. i have always understood that his job means that he will be away a lot, but it is hard to be in a relationship with someone that can't always be there, only their fortunes can.

"i’m grateful for what you do for me, really i am, but i'd much rather have time with you than the latest gucci bag, or the newest chanel perfume. if it meant that i would have to live with nothing for the rest of my life, i would do it. don't you understand? i want you - not your money tom! i don't need you to apologise with gifts when i don’t see you all day, i just...i need you." i am desperate, craving for him to hear me out, to understand that it is him that i need, but the way he looks at me in confusion shows me that i am not going to achieve that.

"i thought you liked the things i buy for you. have you been lying?" he completely ignores the point that i have been trying to make, this only fuelling the frustration within me as i exhale shakily, quickly grasping onto the opportunity to argue my point once again.

"i do but that's not the point tom! i like them because i feel like it's all i get from you!" my voice is raising, something which i did not want to happen. shouting never solves the problem, however right now i am far too angry to care. "i just want some of your time, to feel like you actually care! when you're with me, you're here physically, but your mind is always elsewhere. i just miss you. i need to you be mine again, i-"

"look, i’m sorry okay?" he begins, harshly cutting me off and matching the volume in my voice. "i'm sorry that my job is more demanding than others, i’m sorry that it needs a lot of my attention, but i told you this from the beginning. my career is a big part of who i am and things aren't always easy. they get hard, they get tough, but-"

"that's my problem! when things get hard for you, i don't fucking know about it! because you shut me out, every. single. time. i'm your girlfriend, tom. i want to know about your life, i want to help you, but you always run away from me! you spoil me with gifts and money to compensate for every fucking time you leave me in the dark! i don't want it anymore. i just want you to communicate!" i move from the couch, walking to the middle of the room and standing a few feet away from him. his eyes are glued to me, watching my every step, and he is listening to me this time. "am i such a headache to be around, that you can't talk to me? that you can't deal with spending time with me, so instead you spend your money to try and shut me up, because you have so much that no matter what you buy, it doesn't affect you?"

"don't." he voices shakily as i stare into his eyes, his expression more wounded than ever. my words stab into him, hitting him harder than i had anticipated. his fists clench against his thighs, holding every ounce of frustration. though we have argued in the past, i have never seen him this upset, regardless of whether he intends to show it visibly or not. "you know that i don't think of you that way, even for a second. so stop."

"you can't blame me for thinking it tom." i shrug. "you leave me out of everything, i have no idea what's going on in your life anymore-"

“because i'm trying to fucking protect you!" he interrupts, raising his voice once again. his hand slams against the arm of the couch, the sudden contact causing me to wince slightly. "i'm sorry if you feel like i'm hiding things from you. but i know parts of my life would just stress you out and hurt you. don't you get that? i'm trying to save you from the pain-"

"i want the fucking pain!" i fire back. "we are supposed to be in a relationship. do you know what that means? i want to suffer with you. i would choose that, a million times over, if it meant that i could be with you for another day. i want every part of you, the sad, the happy, the angry, i want it all. can't you see that i need you? i hate being left in the dark. i absolutely fucking hate it.”

my voice pierces through his ears, diminishing the tense silence as tom gulps, clenching his jaw and leaning forwards, pinching his nose with his thumb and pointer finger. the rash and quick responses don’t allow me time to calm down, my eyes becoming glossy with tears, the salty liquid staining my cheeks before i can try to hold them back, my weakness just as evident as tom’s. the pain, the upset, the lack of affection that have been feeling all spills out, reeling outwards from within me as i let it out, no longer attempting to hold back.

he looks up, his face softening as he takes in my hurt expression. he has never seen me like this, so broken, and the fact that he is the cause of this pains him even more, his mind coming to the slow realisation that it is up to him to fix this. although he doesn’t fully understand how i could possibly believe that he does not love me, he wants to try, to try and see from my eyes. he lets out a shaky sigh, swallowing nervously before looking into my eyes.

"i would rather feel the sadness, suffer with you." i begin, my voice small as the tears quickly take away my physical strength. "i would do absolutely anything if it means that you will love me, that you will do it with me, tom."

"i don't live a normal life, and i just want to keep you away from the crazy things." he speaks slowly, trying to reason with me, refusing to turn his gaze away from mine. "some people want to hurt me, and i would never forgive myself if someone ever did anything to harm you."

i try to wipe my tears and calm my breathing, wrapping my arms around my small frame in an attempt to comfort myself, quickly becoming overwhelmed with the situation. but my mind acknowledges tom’s change in tone. not only is he more gentle and calm, he also seems sorry, like he now recognises where he went wrong.

"what do you want me to do?" he whispers, defeated as his tired eyes meet mine. he is no longer angry. he is desperate, longing to resolve this. "i'll do anything. i- i can't lose you. you're my world, schatz, and i'm sorry if i haven't shown it, but you are everything to me."

though there are millions of things i could say, i stay silent, standing still across the room. my heart clenches painfully, hurting at the sight of him so distraught, as his mind considers the dreaded idea of what losing me would be like. his world is crumbling before him, the one thing he seeks to protect seeming to slip through his fingers. i have never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so desperate, and whilst it comforts me to know that he is slowly letting down the walls that have prevented me from truly being with him, it saddens me to see him in such a distraught state.

"all i've ever wanted is to keep you safe. to keep you happy, liebe, because if you're happy then so am i. but you deserve more than this." he points to himself angrily, letting out a shaky sigh. "more than this fucking idiot, who doesn't even know how to love. i’m so sorry if i've done it the wrong way and made you feel like i don't care. because you shouldn't for a second think that i don't love you."

everything that i have been craving to see is happening in front of me. i have longed to see him open up, to break down the barriers that separate us both physically and mentally. i don’t want him to be strong all the time, and it hurts that he feels he has to be. the tears fall from my bloodshot eyes once again - this time out of sadness for him. i hurt with him, hating to see him so upset, but i understand his pain, his anger, and i feel every emotion along with him. for the first time in forever, i feel connected with him.

after a few moments of silence, he stands up, slowly walking towards me. i refuse to meet his gaze, fearing that i will break down once again i realise how hurt he truly is, and looking into his eyes will certainly display every emotion amongst his beautiful features. his hand brushes tenderly against my cheek, wiping a fresh tear that had fallen. he reaches towards my chin, using his pointer finger to angle my face upwards so it meets with his eyes. he towers over me, taking in the sorrow etched upon my face, before tucking the loose strands of hair behind my ears, gently caressing my cheek with his lips slightly parted, shaky breaths escaping from them.

"please, look at me." he whispers, gazing longingly into my eyes. i comply, shifting my own eyes to the deep brown ones in front of me. they are full of adoration, and i feel the man that i fell in love with slowly coming back to me. "i love you, so so much, please believe me schatz. you are the most important person in my life, and i am so sorry that i've made you feel the opposite way." he chokes up, his voice shaky as i can tell he is on the verge of tears.

i listen to him, allowing every word to sink in, as it is now no longer hard to trust what he says. i feel what i have been desperate to - love. i feel truly appreciated, like i am able to confide in him like i once could. though frustrated it took the both of us to get to this state to make him speak his mind, i appreciate him opening up, his apology making up for the lost time. there is no shame in being fragile, and through his entire conversation, we have both learned this, a new found appreciation for each other gained as i feel safe again.

"don't feel like you have to keep things to yourself. i’m your girlfriend, i'm supposed to be here for you, and i'll gladly do it, but you have to talk to me." i respond, lacing my hand with his. a soft smile spreads across his face, contrasting with his bloodshot eyes whilst he slowly nods.

"i hear you. i’m so sorry baby. i love you." he whispers, pulling me into a tight hug as his hands lace together around my waist. he lets out a sob onto my shoulder, my heart breaking at the sound. he clutches onto me tighter as if i may slip away, my own eyes tearing up once again. it has been a while since i felt like this. i feel loved, and it is all that i have ever wanted from the start.

he slowly pulls away, resting his forehead against mine and looking into my eyes through his eyelashes. after a few seconds, he leans inwards, until his lips touch mine. the kiss is gentle, carrying every promise to love and cherish me like he has failed to do, and i gladly accept it, kissing back quickly and wrapping my arms around his neck. he pulls away, planting a few pecks on my lips once again, his breath shaky as the remnants of tears stick to his cheeks. i slowly wipe them away, not breaking eye contact as i do so, gently caressing the soft skin until any trace of sadness is lost within our newfound love for each other.

a soft smile graces his lips, failing to wither as he kisses me once again, the same amount of passion as the last, making up for the lost affection as i feel more treasured than ever. this is all I have ever wanted, to feel like he cares, and now that i am feeling his affection, my mind is oozing with contentment, the feeling almost foreign it has been so long.

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

[captain-mj]

I understand if you ignore this, but could I request something of ghost and soap with soap comforting ghost about his sexual trauma? Maybe they start to get handsy but ghost asks to keep it non-sexual and soap doesn't push?

I like this a lot! Trigger warning for dark content. Discussions and flashbacks of rape

Ghost tapped his foot in the meeting, impatiently trying to get out of it. The simple sweep of an abandoned place should not have bothered him as much as it did. It had so much dust half the crew had started sneezing. His balaclava meant it didn't get up his nose luckily.

Each room had been almost the same. Concrete walls. Concrete floors. Blood so old it looked like it had soaked into the rock. Permanently staining it and everything around it.

Some of the rooms had chairs. Metal ones that twisted and mocked him. Half of them had cuffs. One of them had blood in the seat.

Chains and rings where he had to fight. Bloodied hands that didn't get clean.

Soap kept giving him bedroom eyes, clearly trying to hint something. His long lashes were so pretty. He was so pretty. Ghost stared back.

If Johnny wanted to get laid, Ghost wouldn't deny him. He'd tell Johnny he wanted him to ride him or maybe he'd even let Johnny top so he could just push his face into the pillows and forget it was happening.

"Good boy English. You're taking it so well." The man held him down, blood running down his thighs.

Ghost quickly broke eye contact, feeling nauseous. No. No. He'd top. Like normal.

They continued to talk and Soap answered everything for them. It was normal. Normal, normal, normal. Ghost never talked during debriefs, it's why he and Soap made such a good pair.

Opposites, contrasting and complimentary.

After the debrief, Soap followed him when he tried to flee to his bedroom. Ghost could feel him staring into him.

"Undress for me, slowly. Want to see what you look like Simon. Give me a show pretty boy."

Ghost shook his head and left the door open. In moments, Johnny's hands were on his waist and he was pressed tight against his back. Warm. Soap was so warm. It burned. He closed his eyes.

30 minutes. That's all. He could just lay there and take it.

He did it before.

In those rooms.

In that room.

"Simon, you're breathing kinda heavy. Are you okay?" Soap's hands ran along his back. Feeling the tension in the muscles. If he pressed hard enough, through the fabric, he could still feel his scarring.

"I'm fine." Ghost answered and turned around. He slid his hands down Soap's back, mirroring what he was just doing. Soap looked up at him and Ghost wanted to get lost in those eyes. Just disappear into the blue.

"Simon." Soap looked at him and his hands went for his mask. "Let me see your pretty face, yeah?"

pretty. pretty. pretty.

"pretty for a soldier."

"Don't mess his pretty little face up."

Soap saw Ghost's eyes close off. The way the walls just closed in. He winced, realizing the mistake. Compliments were tricky with Ghost, he understood why. It's why he stuck to Scottish ones or weird ones that made Ghost laugh.

Soap let go of his mask, smoothing it down again. "Hey, Simon, you're okay."

Ghost lifted his mask and kissed him, making them stumble back. He held him close and started to get handsy. If he could just.... get through it. Let Johnny take what he needed and then Johnny would leave and Ghost could clean the blood off.

Soap let him, though he kept his hands to himself. He waited patiently for Ghost to come back from where he was. Back to him. Where they were safe in the room.

Ghost pulled back and put his head on his shoulder, a tiny tremor running through his body.

"Johnny... I'm sorry. I can't do it tonight. I'm so so-" Soap gently grabbed his face.

"S'okay. I don't need sex from you, love. Just need you here with me, yeah?"

Ghost nodded. "i can't... I can't..."

Soap shushed him. He wasn't used to this. Ghost sometimes showed negative emotions, but never to this degree. "You're alright." He started to tug him to the bed, feeling Ghost go rigid but complying.

Soap was careful. He made sure Ghost could see his hands and he didn't go near the edges of his clothing. Gentle. Slow. Like Ghost was a hurt stray he had to take care of. He knew Ghost would bite his head off at the thought, but it helped him steady his hands to hold him closer to his chest.

Ghost pressed his face in Soap's shoulder.

"I don't want to do anything with you that you don't want." Soap spoke up. He specified with, not to. It felt like an important distinction.

"I'd let you. I'd never fault you for it." Ghost started. Soap almost went to interrupt him but instead paused to let him continue. It took a moment, but Ghost managed to speak up, though it was rather quiet. "I'm so glad you wouldn't though."

Soap made sure Ghost couldn't see his face. Every time Ghost talked about his past, it made him pissed. The thought of Simon not having this choice.

Consent was... tricky in their relationship. For dozens of reasons. There was the obvious problem of their ranks. It wasn't a problem in their relationship to start, but it was a problem for everyone outside of it. Understandably so, but it was still annoying. Then, Ghost worried about their rank because of that and Soap had to reassure him that he'd never let him take advantage of him. Not that this was ever a problem either. Ghost never pushed. Never tried to get more. Even when he initiated, he left plenty of opportunities for Soap pull away.

That was before he even knew what happened to Ghost. Despite what Simon thought, Johnny had started to put it together when he noticed scarring on his hips. It looked like someone had dug their nails into him to keep him down. That paired with other little things, the way Ghost went rigid when Soap pressed him down, how he struggled to make eye contact, the time Soap had found Ghost dry heaving after a recruit on base had flirted with him and called him pretty. His giant, badass boyfriend had never looked so tiny and shaken. So sick.

You also don't cover up every inch of skin and flinch away when people touch you unless something really bad happened.

Soap thought over every encounter he could remember, which was a long list. He tried to remember if Ghost had ever acted like this before. If he ever didn't notice or brushed it off.

Ghost relaxed finally. Melting into him. "Thank you."

"Course. Want you here with me, yeah?"

He nodded and reached up, sliding off the mask.

"Bonnie." Soap said gently, watching Ghost blush, but not panic. He suddenly looked exhausted. "How about we just sleep tonight? I'm sure no one will notice me sneaking out in the morning."

"Alright, Johnny." Ghost held him close. "I'll make it up to you."

"None of that. Nothing to make up to me." Soap kissed his hair.

[enlighten3d]

More thoughts on r!au, because you brought it up again:

There are 3 eras of wifies and his person, both of whom have similar skill sets. First comes evilfies and masked wato, who create escape rooms. Then comes clonefies and ken, who escape them. Finally comes lastfies and parrot who kill to survive. (Hearts at least are technically craftable)

Ken managed to rescue clonefies by outsmarting their predecessors. By proving that clonefies was more than a clone, through a game rigged in their favor.

Parrot managed to rescue lastfies by killing their predecessors. By proving that lastfies was just a clone, through mistaking one for the other.

There are so many stars in the bright sky, all of them basically identical. It takes knowing them and how they relate to the others around them to identify them. Who could blame you if just after sunset, when only a few are visible, you mistook one star for another? (And the sun is still a star, even as it burns you. It's your fault for mistaking distance for peace, and still inviting it closer)

And then, because the spyglass reminded me, you can't look directly at the sun- it'll blind you. Parrot can't look directly at his own actions, can't look clearly at lastfies, can't process what happened. Is it because of how bright his mistakes shine? Or is it because his spyglass is stained with blood?

(and yes, in my opinion, lastfies and parrot can share being represented by the sun. Clonefies needs something specific to contrast and parrot deserves every parallel he gets)

Finally, does wato eventually stop putting hanging roots in their escape rooms? I doubt lastfies would know enough about escape rooms to confidently declare them as the most useless item, and why bother sneaking in a signature when you have to show up to help them out of softlocks you could have sworn they would never get into.

Just what do you do when you don't have any of your friends. Wifies is different, and parrot won't meet your eye and ken is trapped in a prison that blocks messages. (except no one off-server has heard from him and the prison seems abandoned when you try to arrange a visit and you're pretty sure that ken wouldn't have let his stasis despawn and this is apparently the only prison that parrot won't try to break someone out of)

What do you do when you have no proof, but your server feels like a graveyard.

(post in which i brought up rau again, and heres the post explaining rau. yay for having context! context is great.)

forewarning that i wrote this over the course of like, a day, sorry if its disjointed lol. but then again, what else does one expect from a long lime post but incoherency.

HI HELL YEAHHH RAU THOUGHTS!!! REPLACEMENT AU!!!!!!!!!!! i love rau did you know that <- fucking insane about this au. nonnie i love you thank you. this is going to be as incoherent + probably hard to read as usual! sorry gonna yap a lot about rau!wato here because you made the mistake of mentioning rau!wato. replacement au may be about wifies clones stuff but OUGH DOES RAU!WATO HAUNT ME. that will be the latter portion of this post tho

SO!

OOOHHH OKAY GOOD POINT. about. fuck okay thats insane? have NOT thought about the eras of wifies each having their own person and the 'transitions' reflecting their relationships... actually fucking insane. dont have anything to add just know that im staring at you w wide eyes /pos

its your fault for mistaking distance for peace, and still inviting it closer- actually wild line im- okay. okay.

YEAH THE. the. yeah. you get it perfectly, i have no notes.the spyglass and the sun thing- fuck. he tries to look at the sun, his actions, and doesnt see, doesnt understand, but still he does it via the spyglass, via that same frame of mine of clonefies that hes unwilling to abandon. look at lastfies, understand him through the lense of parrots relationship with clonefies, understand him only as clonefies. hes still the same person! parrot didnt do anything! nothing happened! youre fine! look at lastfies, look at his own actions/mistakes through the lense of a spyglass. frame of mind of his relationship with clonefies. actuallly insane.

lastfies and parrot can share the sun/daytime. wild thought actually, i do agree. because. the sun is a star - clonefies is the stars and lastfies is just similar enough but also not really; part of a larger category but different, so different. and parrot always denies how much of himself he sees in lastfies, its a whole thing. theyre similar in so many ways but- no! this is still the same wifies! and wifies would never be like parrot. never!

OKAY. SO. NONNIE. NONNIE. ABOUT WATO. ABOUT RAU!WATO. THERES A LOT. that never got mentioned on tumblr i dont think. theyre so theatre metaphor (coughs long poem coughs). genuinely like. okay. we (milo and i) have thought abt all of what youve mentioned here. sorry the rest of the post is going to be about rau!wato i am actually fucking insane about rau!wato holy shit

the escape rooms stop having those personal touches. no hanging roots, no little injokes, hints at familiarity. theyre easier, because they know that what theyd normally make is for clonefies, who they know would figure it out. so the escape rooms are easier, and he still watches, and he still has to interfere where he shouldnt have to (why doesnt parrot pick up on these things either? (hes in denial, wato. deeeeep denial.)). its wrong on every level. because- rau!wato is so interesting. she knows that lastfies isnt clonefies. hes in WAYYY less denial than parrot (its actually impossible to out-denial rau!parrot), AND he... he was the one that found lastfies in the first place, right? so she knows about lastfies existence, she knows that something is wrong. still theres a little bit of hope (parrot wouldnt kill wifies afterall, right?) that gets held out. maybe theyve got the story wrong! but still they pull away. this wifies is wrong, theyve never been close with parrot, ken is trapped in a prison unable to escape (somethings so off about that, right? why isnt parrot helping? why is he 'respecting kens wishes' when those wishes go entirely against what he stands for? why does parrot look that way whenever ken gets mentioned? something is so wrong about this.)

what defines rau!wato is the inaction. theyre trapped in the audience, and the one time they forced their way onstage, tried to help, to do something for once, it goes wrong. and clonefies dies. now she just doesnt do anything. shes fucked everything up once already (this is all her fault, right? right?). shes got the most information out of anyone other than lastfies and parrot, shes the only one who can do anything. but he doesnt. hes messed it up already, and he doesnt know enough to get people to believe him. what do you mean, wato? what do you mean this wifies isnt the same wifies? no, hes always been this way? this violent, this quiet, this loyal- yeah sure hes a bit different from when he joined, but maybe getting chunkbanned messed him up just that much, you know? youre making things up. you have no evidence. and so wato doesnt say anything. theyre trapped in the audience, watching this play set to music that they wrote themselves, and they cant do anything about it. and everywhere he looks, theres death.

parrot and lastfies canonically die, in rau. not sure if i ever mentioned this on tumblr but whatever, am (re?)explaining it. eventually someone gets suspicious about the weirdness at proton, and maybe wato slips a piece of information or two, but they go and investigate, and theres no one there. its abandoned, more than just the lack of guards whom to ask to visit the supposed sole prisoner. theres no one there. breaking in is easy, figuring out that kenadian is not there is easier. naturally, one goes to parrot, the very person who said that ken was trapped in the first place. question him. parrot runs. lastfies follows. but parrot cant run forever, not from a bunch of people who considered ken a friend/ally, not a manhunt

this all started on a cliff, didnt it? parrot and clonefies watched the sunset from a cliff right before the lastfies thing. it ends on a cliff, too. a cliff, above the ocean. he jumps, doesnt fly, and lastfies, of course, follows willingly (theres a lot to say about lastfies). and then theyre dead, the both of them

the next day, theres an eclipse.

wato is the only person who really visits that cliff. theres this really pretty scene in the animatic milo is (was? idk) making about rau, where wato stands at that cliff during the eclipse, holding hydrangeas, and the petals fly off

onto the shore wash an earring, a spyglass, and a headband. (nothing else. parrots lost himself.)

and so, rau!wato is the last one left. out of everyone, hes the last one left. what now? pick up the pieces? sure, but theres no pieces to pick up. things remain obscured; its not like parrot or lastfies (the only ones who really knew everything, and even then their perceptions were warped in their own ways) ever wrote anything down or talked to anyone- and ken is dead, too. all she can do is piece together what she already has, and shes already done all that she could, and assumptions are dangerous, and-

its just this really really deep-seated feeling of unresolution. there will never be any resolution. watos just the last one left, left to grieve everything that happened and everyone thats died, and he cant even really talk to anyone about this, he never could, and he doesnt even know everything thats happened. hes just left to deal with the consequences of everything. and nothing is ever quite the same. whats she to do now? (they dont know.)

a server the feels like a graveyard, indeed

(pspspspspsps @milo-the-mage... i summon thee.....)

[unluckyoscthoughts]

The tacophy deep dive post

Hello, my name's Ozzy, better known as Vandal or TUV. If u know me from this acc you know my biggest ship and main fixation when it comes to the ii fandom is a crackship involving Taco and Trophy. In the past uh 3 or so years that I've been in the fandom I've gotten got knows how many questions and remarks abt how it makes no sense or that they didn't even know it was a thing. And out of sheer boredom, I decided I'm gonna make a deep dive post abt the ship.

the post will be in the following order

1: characters themselves

2: why i think they could be buddies

3: their flaws, the ppl they hurt and why that plays into one another

4: just general silly shit i wanna add cuz its relevant

Who are these weird little dudes??

Ur not living under a rock you KNOW who Taco and Trophy are, but here i wanna talk a bit about their personalities.

As we all know, taco is very very fucking smart, she was able to hide her actual personality for an entire season of show. While her motive for her behavior isn't known as of writing this post, we know there's definitely some amount of reason behind it.

She's not above playing dirty or flat out killing people to get what she wants, casualties are just a part of it, they're technically immortal so long Mephone is around anyway. Her morals seem beyond fucked, caring about people supposedly but not being against using them for whatever personal goal she may have.

Despite this, if we know one thing about her its that being reminded of her mistakes and what she has done can very quickly set her off or make her upset.

But the basics, in summary, are that she has little regard for others and how what she does affects them until its too late. She's arrogant, yet smart and tactful which makes her such a threat.

And then there's trophy, who in contrast is a lot stupider in terms of his behavior and motives. Again, we don't know his reasoning behind doing what he does, other than just wanting to be better than others.

He's to put it bluntly, a fucking asshole, just for the sake of why not. Making people do things for him purely because he himself does not want to do it, manipulative in his own way. While actual attempted murder isn't something he would do, he clearly isn't above breaking a few laws if u so much as piss him off like with knife and his doll.

Outside of that/after he was eliminated he seems to have calmed down a bit, he likes photography and probably learned to find something else to do other than antagonize people for funsies.

He of course is arrogant as well, but his lack of motivation to do things himself doesn't make him that big of a threat, especially if the thing he's using against you is just normal to others.

why could they be friends? [How they meet hc I guess]

So why do I think they could get along ? Ngl I'm gonna have to put a bit of headcanons in here but it makes sense I promise.

We all know Trophy likes photography right? Well what place on the ii map :tm: would have great photo potential? The forest.

I imagine that one day, Trophy goes to the forest to take photos and whatnot [a little bit before the episode where lb and tt go back in time I'd say.] As he walks around taking photos of things, he manages to bump into taco after she [embarrassingly] falls out of a tree [mirroring her falling when hit with the gemory] and falls in a bush in-front of him. He'd be a bit shocked, cuz what the fuck just happened and wouldn't really respond until she asks if he's just going to keep standing there as she's trying to get unstuck. When he snaps out of it he picks her up to get her out and places her down. Taco, having watched the show closely, knows who he is and initially wanted to use him alongside Microphone until remembering he was eliminated and therefore would be a little bit useless. He meanwhile starts asking who she is, irritating her a lot as she did NOT get shamed on show for people to not know who she is.

The two don't actually bond in this first interaction, that comes a few days or so later when Trophy, again, finds her in the forest. This time he basically just asks her if she can find cool places he can take photos of, which does annoy her a bit but if it means he'll go away sure. This repeats a few times until she, reluctantly, gets attached.

Other stuff ig is i think they could bond over their past mistakes, a bit far fetched but hey, a boy can dream.

Their sins and whatnot

Lets talk abt their sins and what they could bond over in that regard

Taco: killed a few people, manipulation, trying to steal money, probably kidnapping with mepad

Trophy: bullying, blackmail, manipulation

I also think its interesting to note that the people they hurt have a bond with one another. Knife and pickle are buddies, Knife and Mic are buddies and we know Mic cut the bs and pointed out her behavior towards Pickle, its likely those 2 are going to become friends as well. their victims realistically can bond over these experiences.

The people they hurt and the influence they have could play into their conversations. While Trophy has done way less, he still hurt people. Them being able to bond over the past, the things they did and how to handle that guilt would be sweet.

filler i mean other stuff

Here goes other random shit i think would be funny or just mostly hcs/vague stuff that has no real evidence

Justin has confirmed Taco can fit in his head[like the cup part], largely why i tend to draw her just...in there.

i think they bond over a shared hatred of Knife

Trophy likes tea, she likes tea, let them drink tea together

i hc both were extremely ''trapped'' during their childhoods. Taco was babied to hell and back while Trophy was expected to be perfect, causing their respective ways of lashing out. A lack of freedom in both.

This is more an observation but Taco is so fucking short lmfao she can just be grabbed

based on drawings two friends made, i think they'd commit crimes together.

i think Trophy would sneak Taco into the hotel at one point AFTER ii ends to ensure she doesn't have to stay outside all the time.

And thats all for now, folks. So what was i really trying to do with this? well mostly just...rant, i miss being able to talk abt ii2. I might edit this post a bit later, to add more stuff, fix wording, answer questions etc. Tacophy means a lot to me as a ship, even if the only footing it stands on is built out of popsicle sticks and tape. Rarepairs are fun, i've had the occasional person yell at me for shipping this but honestly, its never stopped me. I love seeing people kind of warm up to the idea, even if just showing interest in the dynamic.

If u read this and thought it was neat, pls show it cuz i worked p hard on this. Have a good day :)

[silverwhittlingknife]

Dick resurrecting Bruce via Lazarus Pit and his reasons for doing so left a bad taste in my mouth. Especially when Dick tried to talk Tim out of it. I don't like it. I wish Tim found out about it and... Had a serious discussion with him? Hit him? Left? I dunno.

Oh man, it's hard for me to talk about this one without the Doylist approach. I'm gonna come back to these panels, but I just want to leave them here as a contrast between how Dick is written in his solo vs. how he's written in Batman and Robin:

Dick: Tim... I ... where does it stop, right? What about your mom, then? My mom and dad? Bruce's...? (Nightwing 139)

Dick: This isn't just "loved ones," Alfie. It's Bruce Wayne, the Batman. He saved our lives, he saved the city and the world how many times? (Batman and Robin 9)

I have SUCH complicated feelings about the Morrison Batman and Robin run? I like a lot of the Dick-Damian-Alfred dynamics, and I love the idea of villain!Jason as a major antagonist for DickBats, and I love what I think is the concept of the Lazarus Pit arc, which is that Dick's slowly crumbling under the pressure of being Batman and Jason's taunting is the last straw that finally pushes him to make a terrible mistake.

But I don't like the execution of the Lazarus Pit arc, and the disregard for big chunks of post-Crisis continuity and characterization is sooo frustrating. ("I don't like to plan"/pro-Lazarus-Pit!Dick, cartoonishly-evil!Talia, redhead!Jason, etc.)

And yet. AND YET. So many of the concepts are so good! The execution is so messy, but the concepts are so good! I want to tear it all up and then put it lovingly back together but different sdfdsfs

I had a lot of thoughts, so below the cut:

Why characterizations in B&R are a huge departure from previous continuity (Doylist version)

Why the Lazarus Pit arc COULD BE SO GOOD though (and how we can make it work with Watsonian reasoning)

Finally getting back to your question - how would Tim react? (tl;dr probably with concern and worry?)

Characterization Changes

Just to give you a bit of an idea of how abrupt a departure B&R is from Dick's solo, here are some panels showing some major changes.

1) Dick on Lazarus Pits: Pro or Against?

Here's Dick arguing against using the Lazarus Pit and telling Tim it won't bring back the soul in Nightwing 139:

Here's Dick doubling down on the evilness of the Lazarus Pit when Ra's taunts him with it post-Bruce's death in Nightwing 152:

But here's Dick arguing that the Lazarus Pit will be fine and that he doesn't believe in "prophecies of doom" in Batman and Robin 7 (and indeed, also in B&R, he'll kill and resurrect Kate with zero consequences - convenient!):

2) Talia: protective or cruel?

Here's Talia worrying about Damian's safety and teaming up with the Batfamily to try to save him from Ra's in Resurrection:

But here's Talia smirking after telling Damian they're enemies now and she's going to replace him with a clone in Batman and Robin 12:

3) Dick and planning

Here's Dick-the-planner in Nightwing 142:

Tim: That's a lotta ordnance. Dick: Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

But here's Dick the impulsive leap-before-you-look guy in Batman and Robin 9:

Dick: ... Okay, I'm sorry - I don't like to plan, I work without a net... I'm not Bruce.

4) Resurrection: the right choice or the wrong choice (part 2)

Here's Dick telling Tim he made the right choice (not trying to resurrect anyone) in Nightwing 139:

But here's Dick insisting that resurrecting Bruce would've been the right choice in Batman and Robin 9:

This is one of those "clearly some people were writing angry letters to the editor" moments sdfdsfds, because it's awkwardly attempting to address Dick's abrupt about-face but the writer still hasn't read the issues in question because

a) Alfred has no way of knowing Dick's previous stance and it's incredibly weird that he would, b) "cautioned against" the Pit is a lot milder than "had a fist-fight with Tim about it," c) Dick's argument has shifted from "the Pit is an eldritch evil that's untrustworthy and probably soulless" to "look, resurrection is a special thing, and not all loved ones are important enough for resurrection," which, uh, okayyyy, and d) Dick is still full-naming "Tim Drake" as if he's a business associate and they had an argument about how to properly file paperwork and now it looks like Tim Drake was right after all, as opposed to Dick's little brother that he had a huge fight with and who subsequently ran away from home insisting that their dad was alive and that he was gonna prove it and now it turns out their dad is alive

Why This Arc Could Be Great Though

Listen, Dick-driven-to-the-Lazarus-Pits is a great concept. I love narrative foils. I love Dick ending up in the exact same place that Tim was in Resurrection, and even though he knows better. I love Dick being that desperate. Here's the setup:

Damian's back gets broken, Alfred takes him to get emergency treatment from Talia but it's not clear if he'll recover,

villain!Jason taunts Dick about not caring about Bruce,

Dick's been slowly crumbling under the pressure of being Batman and between the guilt of Damian being injured and the blow of Jason's accusations (not to mention having to fight villain!Jason and get him arrested), this is the last straw,

he decides to resurrect Bruce even though he knows perfectly well this is a terrible idea because he was the one who talked Tim out of it

he heads off to do this incredibly stupid thing and nobody stops him because normally on the rare occasions Dick's out-of-control Tim shows up and stops him (Hugo Strange, the Joker) but Tim isn't here and actually the strain of that ongoing estrangement is probably also contributing to Dick's isolation and terrible decision-making

the attempted resurrection goes horribly and Dick has to fight a grotesque parody of his tragically-dead father

I love this idea!! I love it when characters make stupid emotional decisions with terrible consequences!! I love the ways Dick and Tim's arcs intersect and parallel each other!!

And I think this could absolutely be in-character for Dick. He knows it's wrong and a bad idea, but he's desperate and pushed to his limits and grasping at straws? Yeah. I can see it.

BUT yeah, not in love with the execution. My conclusion is that more people should write about this arc in fanfic. <3

How Would Tim React?

I think it depends on where you put Tim in the story?

Options that come to mind:

Tim finds out mid-adventure: Tim's semi-teaming-up with Ra's and underground in a League base - and suddenly he stumbles on Dick sneaking in with (apparently) Bruce's dead body! In this case, I think Tim's first reaction is defensiveness about his own behavior and assuming he's being spied on, and it only slowly dawns on him that Dick's up to something. I'd really want to somehow maneuver a physical fight where Tim tries to stop him, so you get a direct reversal of Resurrection, but mmmm I'm a little stuck on how to get there since Tim's working theory is that the body isn't Bruce's body, so I don't see why he'd be opposed to Dick dumping it in? But anyway, they should have a physical fight and a direct parallel where Tim realizes he needs to back off and let Dick decide, and then they hug ;_; I feel like to make this one work you need Tim really invested in stopping Dick, so uhhhhh maybe for some reason Tim's "rescue Bruce from time" plan requires the body of the clone? So Dick CAN'T put it in the Lazarus Pit, or Bruce will be LOST FOREVER?

Tim gets told about it after the fact: So uhhh for example, Ra's finds out about Dick's botched resurrection attempt and tells Tim about it in an attempt to paint Dick as a hypocrite/ entice Tim into using the Lazarus Pit. I feel like Tim would just straight-up not believe him? But let's say that Tim finds out for sure - either Dick admits it to him, or he sees some League recording, or whatever. I'm not really sure how Tim would react? Worried, probably, because it's out-of-character, and I feel like Tim might wonder if it's really him or if he's under magical influence or something? And uhhhh then ideally Tim realizes that no, it was because he was having a really hard time ;_; and then Tim is worried about him and comforting and/or apologetic and probably Dick is probably also apologetic and then they hug <3.

Alternate third terrible possibility: it is Bruce's body, he was dead and Tim was just in denial, Dick resurrects him but there are some kind of eldritch evil consequences, and then Dick has to call Tim back and they have to fight undead!Bruce together. I like this one >:D

[ihazyourkitty]

Why John Hargrove is full of it p.1

Multiple people have expressed interest in the detailed Blackfish rebuttal I am working on. The plan is to put it in video essay format on Youtube. This not only has the potential to reach a larger audience, but it also gives me more creative/expressive flexibility that would otherwise be difficult to get across in just written text.

This project will not be completed for quite some time, as there are a lot of things to cover. However, I did want to provide a short glimpse into some things I've uncovered thus far.

You see, I plan on not only refuting the movie itself, but also covering the consequences of Blackfish, and major figures like Naomi Rose, Ingrid Visser, etc. So as part of this project, I am listening to the eBook version of John Hargrove's Beneath the Surface for the second time. It's..... so.... much..... fun.....

*sigh* Warning, there's a long rant ahead. TL;DR John Hargrove comes off as very full of himself in this book, and it's annoying.

______

Now, on a purely emotional, literary level I guess, the book is certainly very gripping. It's difficult to put down, even when you know that much of what is alleged therein is utter bullcrap. However, I don't think this is just because the whole "little-guy turns against evil corporation" trope makes for good storytelling across the board. I think it's also because, unlike Mark Simmons' Killing Keiko, or Hazel McBride's I Still Believe, John Hargrove's Beneath the Surface has the luxury of both professional editing, and a co-author (Howard Chia-Eoan).

To be clear, I'm not saying this as dig against Hazel McBride or Mark Simmons. I bring this up merely to illustrate the stark contrast here. As far as I know, their works were self published, or at least lacking the same polish and publicity from big name publishers, or sensationalist documentaries.

However, this contrast wouldn't be so noteworthy to me were it not for these two things I'm increasingly noticing in this reread of Beneath the Surface:

It is never clearly stated which parts were written by Hargrove, and which were ghost written by Chia-Eoan... but the amount of contradictions and shoehorned information in here gives me some serious suspicions.

John Hargrove... seems incredibly full of himself!

I don't have the time to elaborate on #1 right now, so we'll just talk about #2 today. John Hargrove is almost never in the wrong. He is always painted as the hero, the true advocate for these animals. You don't hear much about the other trainers he worked with or learned from. Mostly, it's just about him. He bemoans the allegedly poor conditions SeaWorld's animals are kept in, while simultaneously boasting about all his accomplishments with them. He speaks of differing perspectives between him and some of the other trainers, but seldom elaborates on what exactly those differences were. Instead, he usually just frames it in a sanctimonious "me vs. them" way.

The closest he gets to admitting any mistakes he had to learn from is when he recounted an aggressive incident with Freya at Marineland Antibes, and even then.... the whole reason why that incident (allegedly) happened was because Hargrove overestimated his training/waterworks abilities with a whale he didn't have a relationship with. His admission of that mistake is then overshadowed by the rather self-righteous tone he frames the resolution with. All the success was about him. You don't hear anything about how he worked with the other trainers there, what they brought to the table, and certainly not the stronger, lasting relationships they had with Freya. It's not that he had to mention them by name, but he didn't even mention them at all!

To be fair, this interpretation is partly subjective on my part. Still, as someone who is personally working in animal husbandry right now (albeit not with marine mammals), the gaping holes in this narrative raises some red flags.

Here's some free advice to anyone interested in working in the zoo/aquarium industry: I have been told by multiple hiring managers that they don't want someone who "just wants to work with the animals, and not deal with people." That's not how this works. You still have to work with people in some form or another.

It doesn't matter which animals you are working with. When you're on an animal husbandry/training team, you gotta ask for/provide help, seek/give feedback, communicate with other departments, etc. Complaints, conflict and disagreements will inevitably happen, but you gotta be mature about it.

And yes, in that process... you are going to make mistakes, and you're going to have to own up to them! It's part of how you learn. You're also going to inevitably work with people who don't see things the same way.

The people who can't do this tend to not only get stuck in their own way, but are more likely to start resenting coworkers and/or management whenever disagreements happen. They'll constantly complain about how other people do things, but then can't/won't take constructive feedback themselves. It's worse when it's someone with more experience under their belt because of the massive ego. Let me be clear: this kind of mindset does not help your animals! It only creates a toxic work environment that's resistant to change!

DO. NOT. BE. THIS. PERSON!!!!

No, this does not mean you can't vent frustrations. No this does not mean that you can't take pride in your work. It means that you gotta be able to swallow your pride, and not alienate other people.

So, what does all that have to do with the contrast mentioned earlier?

Like Hargrove, McBride details her career journey, but doesn't just paint it all in glamour. She talks about her setbacks, how she grew, things she learned from other people, the internships she did, the grunt work she was willing to do, etc.

Killing Keiko has less to do with the details of Mark Simmons' career path, but he does give credit to other people where it is due, even at times towards those he fundamentally disagreed with. I can remember one part where he explicitly admitted that he made a mistake too, and tellingly, it was in an instance where he played the "I've been doing this for years" card. In the very next sentence he admitted it was the wrong thing to say in that situation, and highlighted the perspective he was missing in that moment.

These things are conspicuously absent in Beneath the Surface. I don't remember anything of the sort that stood out when I first read the book, and thus far it's certainly not there in my second time around. The first third of the book is dedicated to how he dreamed of becoming a trainer as a kid, and the path he took to get there. Most of this path, though, is painted in glamor, when the reality is.... the path to getting into animal husbandry isn't particularly glamorous. Not only do you have go to college, but you also have to settle for various unpaid internships or volunteer gigs, and then apply for multiple jobs only to get several no's before it works out (to say nothing of how underpaid zookeepers/aquarists/trainers are).

Hargrove, on the other hand, kept pestering lead marine mammal trainers at SeaWorld since he was a kid, practiced his swimming/diving abilities, and started his degree in psychology. Then, as luck would have it, an apprentice trainer position opened up at SW San Antonio, and when he got the job, he jubilantly quit college. Not much is said about what kind of volunteer work he did before that. I think he did some stuff with marine mammal rescue in Texas, but I'll have to go back and reread to be sure... in any event, I wish I'd heard more about the experience he got besides swimming and pestering the SW animal training department.

And like.... great, he got the job, but it seemed more by luck than by the sweat of his brow. Then he balked that he was put in the SeaLion Stadium, and/or that he had to spend a lot of time washing dishes and spotting before even being allowed to work directly with a whale, which like..... yeah? I don't know what you were expecting dude.

(Btw, this part isn't just me being nit-picky, Duncan Versteegh from ML Antibes corroborates Hargrove's resistance to doing grunt work like cleaning)

Whenever mentioning people at SW who didn't want to work at Shamu Stadium, Hargrove couldn't understand how anyone wouldn't want that.... because heaven forbid other people have different preferences? To be fair, from what I've heard of SW work culture in general, Shamu Stadium is kind of painted as the glamorous A-team, but DANG does Hargrove really lean into that attitude!

Later on, he detailed some of the conflicts he had with SW's entertainment department. At one point his manager explicitly told him he needed learn to get along better with other departments. And like... yeah... yeah you do!

Look, I'm not interested in doing blanket apologia for SeaWorld. I'm sure Hargrove was in the right more than once when he'd argue with people, but I'm also not convinced that the whole of the entertainment department, management, et al., were just a bunch of unfeeling jerks who didn't care about the animals.

This part actually ground my gears quite a bit. Before I became an aquarist, I was an educator, and sometimes I would overhear certain husbandry staff gossip about us in a really patronizing way whenever there were miscommunications. Not that they never had valid reasons to complain, they did, but to be treated like you're just a dumb educator/guest services person is not pleasant, and certainly not professional. I don't know how common this is at other places, but I bring this up to illustrate the importance of being able to work with other departments, especially in the face of disagreements or miscommunication.

That Beneath the Surface paints Hargrove's inability to do this as a virtue rather than as the character flaw that it is... well.... it's um... it's a choice. And it's telling.

Again, some of this interpretation is subjective on my part. Ultimately, none of us can know for sure what is in someone else's heart. Hargrove does seem to sincerely care about the animals, despite the narcissism. However, the vast majority of people who are going to be reading his book are not people who have spent much if any time working in the zoo industry, and thus may not pick up on some of these things. I'm not the only one to point these things out either.

So even if one is against keeping orcas in captivity, I think being aware of the egos behind figures like Hargrove is important. When you get to the end of his book, you would think that all his former colleagues are, at best, just timid little clogs in a corporate machine, brainwashed to do as SW says. This is just not true. These people are dedicated to their animals, and have worked very hard to get where they are at. Some have gone on to get their masters, or PhD's, provide expertise to other facilities, or take part in rescues, etc., and they did it without chasing clout.

SW Corporate should absolutely treat their employees better, but their treatment of them pales in comparison to how people like Hargrove basically erase their accomplishments altogether. In this way, he tries to have it both ways... his time at SW proves how much of an expert he is, you know, because he was a senior trainer with two decades of experience after all! Oh, but when someone else from the field speaks up to refute what he says, nope.... their accomplishments don't matter, they're just brainwashed. If that doesn't scream "massive ego", then I don't know what does.

I'm only halfway through the book on this second round, so there is a chance I'll come back to correct some things here. I do encourage people to try to read this book themselves and come to their own conclusions. You don't have to buy it either, check your local library (it's how I got a hold of this eBook).

[twig-tea]

My Ride Re-Watch Self-Reflection

This is going to be self-indulgent and long, apologies in advance!

Something you need to know about how I watch shows: I care the most about character arc. I prioritize character arc over plot holes, pacing, and possibly even politics. This is not an endorsement for watching shows this way AT ALL and it certainly isn't a moral judgment on any viewers that do or don't do this, it's just how my brain is wired (and it's not an objective judgment on shows, either! Not every character actually needs to grow--even though typing that out is giving me hives lolol). So when a character does something that I think is either out of character or unearned by the narrative, I get annoyed; if they don't change or they keep making the same mistakes I lose interest; and if a character arc is awesome, I forgive a lot of things that can make shows unwatchable to other people.

I watched My Ride as it aired in 2022 and I was so in love with that series, it was poised to become a favourite. I was so burnt out on series that had a misunderstanding leads to breakup in the second-last ep, and this show has sidestepped that with the conversation about Khai by having Mork insist on talking right away! Plus Tawan, through the entire fiasco with Por, was always direct, he didn't run from Por and he didn't ignore his own suspicions or jump to conclusions, he sought Por out to ask directly: "Are you mad at me?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Are you seeing someone else?" I loved both Tawan and Mork so much, they clearly deserved one another and deserved happiness.

And then at the end of ep 9/start of ep10, Tawan sees Mork hug Fern and runs away, quits his job before he finishes his certification and internship?! And Mork is the one who the narrative seems to think has to prove his commitment to their not-yet-a-relationship when he's been the one committed this whole time? I had 2gether flashbacks and I did not like it. I didn't like either side couple's resolution, I didn't like that Tawan had regressed in a way that didn't feel (to me, at the time) earned, and I didn't like that Mork didn't have any (again, to me at the time) character growth.

So I never rewatched it. I remembered the first 9 eps fondly, loved so much of what the show had in it, especially Cheep and Dej and the characters of Mork and Tawan, and recommended it when it came up, but always hesitated to put it on a favourites list, and I struggled with the ending and how I felt about it--at least partially because I suspected it was a me thing rather than a show thing. And then, after La Pluie, I realized this screenwriter was good and trusts their audience and I should give it another chance and maybe pay more attention. Plus the re-airing was perfectly timed to start. So I've been (mostly) quietly watching again, and whew I'm so glad I did.

I still don't love the side couples, lets get that out of the way lol [if you don't want to think about these storylines, skip this and the following paragraph]. I think Boss is neurodivergent-coded and you don't get "over" neurodivergence through force of will (at least, not without burnout). Thinking about this couple through the lens of Semantic Error, which you could argue is very similar on paper, Toy tries to pull Boss out of his carefully constructed world, while Jaeyoung tries to make space for himself in Sangwoo's world while doing his best to follow Sangwoo's rules (though he definitely pushes--but contrast Jaeyong moving a single pen to Toy throwing whole shelves of books to the ground). If My Ride had shown that Toy didn't need Boss to completely change, and had them find a way of working through Boss' and Toy's needs to find a new normal together, I would have been much more comfortable with this story. On rewatch, I will say that Toy's initial bribery attempt was not as bad as I remembered, but that man needs to keep his hands off those bookshelves, and the show needs to stop scaring Boss in order to give Toy one redeeming thing to do, as @callipigio said that was not cute.

As for the hets, the only thing I picked up on rewatch that I didn't appreciate the first time was that despite her confidence, Nadia was also not used to being chosen by the men in her life, and so when she saw Mayom had options after coming back from Japan, she assumed he would choose anyone else and that's why she was so upset. And so, the reveal that he got this attention because he was trying to meet her expectations, and that he was thinking of her in Japan and bought her a souvenir, showed he did put her first and did choose her. I just wish Nadia had suffered longer by seeing Mayom being appreciated for the hot, talented, and kind man he is, and had visibly learned something or changed in any way because of it. I don't think she has a satisfying character arc and so I didn't like this story. [again: this is just my taste! Not every story needs to contain personal growth! I am not advocating for this to be seen as a moral judgment! It just means this story was not satisfying for my brain because of it.]

Ok, Mork and Tawan time. This time, on rewatch, I picked up on hints they dropped earlier; that Mork struggled more than I noticed the first time with his bisexual awakening; that Mork didn't like how he hadn't gone to college or university, but he had been willing to make that sacrifice for Fern. How Tawan really missed his family and wanted to eventually practice medicine in Chiang Mai. How Tawan only ran from Mork and Fern after Mork described their relationship as work buddies [he not only calls them friends, he backtracks and says "not even really a friend, I know him from work"! And as @sparklyeyedhimbo pointed out in their rewatch, Mork had literally asked Tawan to co-parent just the day before, so the messages were extremely mixed]. All of this feeds into what happens in eps 9-10.

[Mork you were like this even when you were just "workplace associates", stop this foolishness]

Firstly, the timeline of ep 9-10 struck me on this rewatch in a way it didn't when watching the first time. If I'm not wrong, Tawan was already mostly burned out; his heartache led him to use up his accumulated vacation to go home to Chiang Mai, but then came back after just a few days because Mork missed him; then went to see Mork while he was still on vacation, got shocked by the existence of Mork's kid, spent a day or couple of days with them, then made study materials for Mork and Khai (likely because he knew he wouldn't have much time in the future) and then got surprised again by seeing Fern--this would I think still be during the week of his vacation? At that point, he just wanted to go back home to once again lick his wounds but his vacation was over and he had none left (he told us he used it all when talking to his parents at dinner). So in that context, actually, quitting as an instinct makes a bit more sense--I've actually been there, at one point I was going to burn out and put in my notice, and my boss stepped in and told me to take leave instead. I'm really glad his advisor was able to do the same thing my boss did for me, and talk him out of quitting but encouraging him to take leave instead so that he could go home without messing up his future.

And in paying better attention, I realized this time around that for Tawan, going back home rather than confonting Mork both made sense and was good for his character arc. Before this, he'd clearly not been visiting home at least partly because he kept taking shifts for friends, and partly to make time for Por; so after giving up some of his time in Chiang Mai to be with Mork, it makes sense he'd want to be there when he thought he might have read Mork wrong after all. And Tawan pushing and pushing Por to get answers blew up so badly in his face last time, that retreating rather than confronting Mork actually does make sense in context. Also, like Tawan said to Nadia, he was tired of not being put first, and when Mork didn't go after him outside the garage after Fern called him back, Mork had put Fern first in that moment. And up until then the only confessions Tawan (and the audience) has gotten from Mork were in Mork's imagination; he'd flirted but not actually said anything concrete aloud. So Tawan needing something more from Mork to prove that Mork actually does feel the way he's been implying, and he would put Tawan first, is fair and fits what took place in the show, actually--my past self was I think applying an unfair lens on this as a point of convenient dramatic tension. Finally, I realized on this rewatch that Tawan leaving without saying anything, after he knew Mork panicked last time and specifically told him not to do that, could be read as Tawan being a little bit selfish, actually, (which as @bengiyo said these two characters could use more of), and leaving to be chased after could be seen as Tawan (at least subconsciously) indulging a self-indulgent impulse. Having thought that through I now appreciate it as an action of his character arc rather than resenting it.

And now we get to Mork's character arc. Because Mork is already the best boy, so what could his character possibly stand to learn?

This was my thinking on first watch, but on rewatch I think he demonstrates that he grew in a few ways. First, he goes through the self-realization and acceptance of loving another man. I didn't give that journey enough credit the first time around.

Secondly, he re-orients himself after a breakup from a relationship that spanned multiple years. I know a lot of people saw the petrol/gas analog by Dej as learning to love men instead of women, but I saw it as learning to love Tawan rather than Fern--because they are two different people, and they have different things they need from you, and he has all of these learned patterns from his relationship with Fern that he has to unlearn, including putting her feelings first. Going back to the moment when Mork doesn't go after Tawan, if you accept my reading of Uncle Dej's advice, Mork's choice not to go after Tawan but instead to stay with Fern is contextualized through this conversation as Mork falling into old habits and putting Fern's wants and needs over all others including his own. He then corrects this by not agreeing to get back together with her, but not until promising to always be her smile--in other words, he's still struggling with reorienting himself in terms of who Mork is in relation to Fern when not her boyfriend. [This also makes Dej's pointed comment about gas being cheaper than petrol a pointed jab at Fern and her demands of Mork's money specifically, which the petty part of me enjoys.]

Mork also faced his fear of heights for Tawan, though he did that before he even acknowledged he had feelings, so I'm not sure I'm counting that as anything other than Mork continuing to be the best. But when, on the mountain, Mork finally says aloud the thing he's been daydreaming about for at this point months, this is definitely character growth and feeds into my first part about Mork struggling with his feelings for a man. I realized on this rewatch that Mork always talks about his feelings for Tawan as a hypothetical or a question--"Do I like him?" "Could we be together?" "If I do like him, what should I do?" He doesn't state his feelings as a statement except in his imagination (I think--may need to rewatch again to confirm), until the confession on the mountain. So, as @lurkingshan pointed out in her post, My Ride also makes the same point as La Pluie that clear, verbal communication is key to a relationship.

Mork also gets to be a teensy bit more selfish near the end, which I didn't really clock the first watch-through. When Tawan explains why he thought about quitting and how he wanted to relocate to Chiang Mai so that he could help take care of his mother, Mork's wheels started turning and he began planning for their future together up North--again this is not new, Mork planned his future with Fern and her goals in mind so it makes sense he'd be planning his future with Tawan in the same way. Because Mork is best. But! This time he includes in his future plans his goal to get a degree and open a garage of his own. I love this, it's such a small victory but I think it's important for his character that the thing he's seemingly regretted most about his choices (giving up on his own chance to go to school) and that he did for someone he loved (putting them through school) is now something he's doing for himself (as well as for his shared future with his partner). And this also reflects Mork internalizing Dej's point about how he's got to recalibrate--because what Tawan needs from Mork is not the same thing as what Fern needed from him, and these different circumstances allow him to adjust his future plans and fit in his own dreams. Love that for him.

I love that we get the timeskip to see a glimpse into their future, beyond it just being so sweet, it allows us to see the ways in which they've fit together, and how their relationship is not perfect--Tawan forgets their anniversary, Mork is trying to establish himself in a small community that probably does not open easily to outsiders--but it's balanced in that they support each other to make up for one another's weaknesses (Mork doesn't actually care and is happy to be the one who remembers these things; Tawan is happy to pay for the restaurant).

I didn't say anything about the Tawan/Por relationship above because I didn't really catch anything new on rewatch, from the get-go I thought it was so well done. Por is believably self-absorbed and Tawan really does such a good job of trying to do everything right. He talks to him directly and listen to his own instincts, but is surrounded by people (Por, Nadia, Mork) who tell him to let it go and ignore the signs. I continue to love to hate Por. This thread is a little unresolved because Por comes sniffing back around Tawan's ward, but we didn't really need to see Tawan reject Por, which I appreciated as the show writing him off as not a threat. I did pick up more on the glimpses of the kindness that La Pluie shows its female characters in how Fern is treated; Fern is shown to be selfish and materialistic, but also legitimately struggling with their life as-is, and by showing her trying to get Mork back, at least it gives her the credit of letting her realize what she was missing when it was gone. I'm glad La Pluie went further with keeping Nara complex and human.

Finally, I have to shout out how much love this show has for queer community and found family. Cheep and Dej give Mork and Tawan and even Fueang a safe haven to come to when they're hurt and confused, and they give so much advice. Everyone else has said it (I know @chickenstrangers mentions how special it is in their rewatch but I'm sure others have too) but it's worth repeating how much of a difference this makes for these characters.

Fueang and Mork also give one another advice and support, and I think it works well in the show that actually both Fueang and Mork can mostly just give support and some generic advice, but they can't speak from experience the way Cheep and Dej can. Still, the motorcycle gang support Fueang, and then Mork, in getting their respective partners. Tawan's sister knows exactly what is going on and gives Mork a challenge to make sure he's good enough for her brother. Fueang and the gang also show up in Chiang Mai because they're so sure their bro is going to mess up his confession, and then they cheer on the kiss when it does go well.

Mork taking on Khai as his own child when his brother failed to step up is also a beautiful reflection of the love and care his uncles gave to him and modeled for him; he clearly sees them as parental figures and was able to imagine himself as a parent to Khai because of it--and he never questions whether his getting together with a man would have a bad influence on his nephew/adopted son, the way we see Jim struggle with this in Moonlight Chicken, for example. More queer elders in stories please and thank you!

I feel so much less conflicted about this show now that I've gone through this exercise. Feel free to tell me if you think I got too far in my head and overanalyzed lol I'm always open to being told I'm now adding things that aren't there. I just really needed to deconstruct why I had issues last time and what changed for me when I paid more attention. Also, this experience makes me want to binge Step by Step to see if it makes a difference in how I feel about the ending to that show...but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

And if you read all that, you're awesome.

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

Okok, serious post. Time for another "Things I'll probably never write!"

------------

Imagine if during the bonfire incident, Nie Mingjue goes into a qi-deviation, but instead of killing him, it de-ages him.

Nie Huaisang is too stunned by this to keep being upset about losing all his things and runs to his da-ge before Jin Guangyao can even finish bandaging his burned hands. 

He immediately knows exactly how old Nie Mingjue is, because the now-too-large robes reveal he's missing the scar on his shoulder where one of the shards of their father's saber had nicked him during the shattering.

Nie Mingjue, all of thirteen years old, squints at him.

"Da-ge?" Nie Huaisang asks hesitantly. 

"...Didi? when did you grow u- your hands!"

Nie Huaisang quickly hides them behind his back.

He has a guess why his brother is this specific age. 

It's not a happy one.

Or, rather, it's that his brother hasn't been happy. For a very long time.

He involuntarily glances at the still burning remains of everything he owned that wasn't too heavy to move (or alive).

Ah... this is his fault, isn't it?

All this time...

But... it'll be okay! He can make himself be the grown up! He can give his brother the years he's stolen! 

Right?

"Ah- don't worry about that, Da-ge. It was my own stupid mistake. Come on, we should get you to the healers."

As he stands up, he meets Jin Guangyao's concerned stare.

"Huaisang..."

He puts on a smile. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine. But I've gotta make sure Da-ge will be alright, so I'll talk to you... later?… Yeah." 

It's clear his attempt at reassurance hasn't worked, but he can see a couple of the healers approaching, clearly having been alerted by witnesses, so he has other things to deal with right now.

Smile still in place, he ignores the blistering pain in his palms and fingers and wraps his arms around his brother to help him to his unsteady feet. 

—

Nie Huaisang having an absolutely miserable time trying to Handle Things but it's FINE because Nie Mingjue is finally getting to be spoiled within an inch of his life by the sect and their friends and, really, don't they both deserve what they're getting out of this? Having to take care of a brat like him was part the reason Nie Mingjue's teenage years were so hard, so...

Yeah.

They deserve this. 

On the other hand, Nie Mingjue not actually being all that comfortable with the coddling, since he doesn't remember any of the horrible things people tell him he's lived through.

(He especially doesn't like the things they say about his brother in contrast.)

He's barely been able to catch a few glimpses of Nie Huaisang over the past two weeks, and each time his brother looks more and more exhausted and harried.

He finally decides they Need To Talk, but when he gets to the study, he overhears Jin Guangyao gently chastising Nie Huaisang for not taking care of himself-

("Why haven't you even let anyone see properly to your hands yet? And when is the last time you've slept?"

-and it turns into an argument as Nie Huaisang keeps denying anything is wrong even as his defenses become more and more unhinged- 

("You're worried over nothing! it's not like i can qi deviate, everyone knows my cultivation's too pathetic for that!").

Nie Huaisang has no idea Nie Mingjue is listening in when he breaks down and admits he feels like he owes all this to his brother for years of dragging him down, and it's not like anyone disagrees-

("Even you, San-ge. How many times did you chide me for being difficult and antagonizing him?"

"I didn't mean you should hurt yourself to make amends, Huaisang, and you know that.")

Nie Mingjue is appalled at what he hears. 

But more than that, he's worried. Even if he's not physically older right now, he can't think of Nie Huaisang as anything other than his baby brother, and the idea that he's putting himself through all this heartache and stress out of some kind of surely-misplaced guilt for him makes his stomach tie in knots.

He doesn't bother knocking and just shoves the door open.

[laurfilijames]

What is your favorite Pete Dunham moment and why? Also, please could you rank your GSE member favorites in order.

Look at you just strutting into my ask box with the two most difficult questions!!

As you're well aware, every Pete Dunham moment is my favourite moment...

But if I HAVE to choose, it has to be at the beginning when he shows up to Steve and Shannon's and meets Matt for the first time. He's drunk, cocky, and being a total prick but in a loving way, and it makes me smile every damn time.

"Jesus, Shannon, you look rough...."

Then singing to his nephew Ben 🥹 and when he explains how he's meant to be going to the match but lost his wallet and his keys...

And then of course the "Fineeee thanksss" in his mocking American accent that makes me grin so hard my cheeks hurt.

I really like how this scene set you up to think that he is a complete irresponsible hooligan, only to realize later that's not at all the case. Fooled me the first time I watched it!

Ugh. Everything about him makes me lose my mind.

AS FOR THE LADS.

I already told you this was like picking a favourite kid and I feel a bit guilty for it, but here we go.

Swill just like Pete, if I have a shit day, the minute I see this lunatic beating the piss out of someone with a rubbish bin and screaming c*nt- I'm fixed. He is just too funny. He also cares so much about his mates (see: him checking on Ike when he gets that bad cut on his head) and also was incredibly welcoming to Matt. He's clearly passionate about anything he's involved in from fighting to discussions about the people portrayed in films getting rightfully credited 🤣 and I don't think there would ever be a dull moment being around him.

Ned I don't know what it is about this one, but he makes me go 🥰🥰🥰🥰 he's hilariously cocky and has a bit of that "I'm small but tough" personality, and when he realizes that Matt never mentioned him in his journal he is GUTTED 💔 it's okay, Ned, I'll give you a hug.

Dave Ahh the Pilot. Forever responsible and caring, and has the warmest aura about him. To me, he feels like the "Big Brother" of the group. He always buys the rounds, and ALWAYS has Pete's back even when some of the others begin to falter. The fact that he will get into a scrap and then go fly a commercial jet with bruises on his face and vice versa with landing his plane and getting his pilots uniform all bloody is BDE, and I'm sure you'll be happy to tell me more about that 😉

Ike He seems to me as a very ordinary lad. Not one to stand out. Kind of hangs in the middle of the group. He's neutral, Switzerland. I see some of myself in that. Not interested in confrontation, and is always there for his mates to share pints or take down the next firm. I like that he's married, but I gotta admit he needs a new hair do.

Bovver Ohhhh Bov. I have complicated feelings about this one. He majorly fucked up. His jealously toward Matt was not at all warranted, and despite Pete trying to ease his ill-will toward him, he chose not to trust his best mate which inevitably lead to The Thing™️ we do not talk about. I do think that despite that mistake, Bov is loyal (to a fault) and would do anything for his mates (see: the end before the part we do not talk about when he shows up to help Pete and saves Shannon) I like to think that he would quickly redeem himself and would easily be forgiven by his mates, which is what I have chosen to go with in my fic where The Thing™️ does not happen and they all realize that life is too short for such pettiness.

Keith I feel bad putting him last on the list but, we really don't have much to go on with Keith other than his dodgy hair cut (do him and Ike have the same deranged barber??) Just like some of the other ones though, I like that we got a glimpse of him in a normal working environment that contrasts to the insanity of the hobby they participate in their free time. He never had many lines in the film, but I do love his "so he's a Yank and an undercover journo... looks like we'll have to give the boy two funerals." when him, Ned and Bov are being all gangster in his car to confront the situation.

In conclusion, I love them all dearly, and want to hug them and give them a forehead smooch.

Also, I think it's a given that Pete is my number one forever and always which is why I didn't include him in the ranking...

Thank you for sending me this when I've been poorly and needing something to make me smile and for giving me another excuse to go on about them more than I already do 💗💗

[popculturebuffet]

Seeing your posts on how you've despised the way season 6 handled the Mordecai/CJ/Margaret love triangle, did you read about writer Matt Price's posts on a Reddit AMA regarding why Mordecai didn't end up with Margaret or CJ in the end?

He said "We felt like the Margaret/CJ story was complete, and they were both on their own path already. We also felt like Mordecai had moved on in his life. He finally left the park to pursue art, and we thought it'd be cool if he met someone while doing that. But we love Margaret and C.J., and we're sure that they're happy without Mordecai! He was too wishy-washy with them!!"

To make things worse, Matt said that Rigby's Graduation Day Special planned to have CJ react to the Park crew going to outer space with an annoyed look implying ""Whatever, I'm glad that guy is in space."" Really feels he was trying to push the "CJ hates Mordecai and Margaret after their breakup" thing way too hard (glad it didn't make it to the final cut).

He also said that CJ apparently cut off all contact with Mordecai, Margaret, Rigby, and Eileen, which is a contrast to him confirming Margaret still keeps in touch with and remains friends with Mordecai, Rigby, and Eileen. Would you say this is kinda sad knowing CJ never got to even reconcile with Mordecai as friends like Margaret did in season 7? Plus making Eileen's sadness on not being able to hang out with both CJ and Margaret in I See Turtles even sadder with the implications of CJ cutting off contact with her in the end (likely just because she associates with Margaret) too.

Nope. I don't really keep up with regular show news. I still like the show and I loved close enough (RIP), but I just don't. But since CJ is near and dear to my heart as a character this does intrest me so let's get into it.

On not having Mordecai get with either of them: It was the right call. I didn't really mind when I saw the finale and time, maturity and what have you have only made me like the decision more. Part of it is where the series was at: The "Mordecai nukes his happy relationship arc" was a mess i've still only barely watched and plan to cover someday, but so far haven't gotten to. It was easily the worst thing the show's done and made me stop watching it for a season.

It was absolutely the right call to instead have him conciously take a break from dating, work on himself. He didn't do much of that before they got shot up into space, but it was a good effort. He burned that bridge with CJ the second he kissed Margret and them getting back together was a huge mistake: Mordecai never really found the right way to apologize and CJ clearly never got over the betrayal or her paranoia he'd do it again. Instead having the major arcs be "setup for next season" and "Rigby tries to better himself by going back to school' were a better choice, as was just.. putting the final season in space.

With those arcs it also meant there really wasn't room to speedrun a new relationship fans woudln't want. It makes more sense that after finally deciding to focus on his art, he grew up, had some time to mature and THEN met the love of his life. Margret had moved on with her life, Mordecai moved on with his. I do think the show fucked up with the love triangle, but this is the only move they could really make and I support that. It may blow a little Mordecai and Margret seemingly ends with a whimper.. but it's what the show and the character sneeded. Sometimes... life and cartoon shows dont' work out. People drift apart.

On the deleted scene: Seconded bud. Seconded. I do think the show REALLY fucked up with how it treated CJ during season 6, and really underestimated how attached fans had gotten.. which itself is baffling. She was part of the main cast. She took Margret's spot. She was in a decent chunk of episodes. Fans liked her and took her side in the breakup, and while she was super paranoid with mordecai, it's really hard not to blame her. Less easy to forgive the attempted murder but what can you do. So having her just go "Whatever I dont' care" feels wrong. Her not carring MOrdecai got shot up into space? In character, she dosen't have to care about her ex anymore. he fucked the relationship up beyond any hope and she made a mistake taking him back as she clearly coudln't forgive him. But her not having the slightest horror at Rigby or Eileen getting shot up , her friend and her best friend, feels so wrong it hurts. Eileen was the only thing that got her to actually be around margret and not fly into a jealous rage. What the fuck.

On the cut off thing: that just feels sad.. but i've come to accept it more. I DO think her cutting off Eileen is dickish and like to think she at least parted as amicably as she could.. but I also get it. Eileen is with Rigby, marries rigby, has his kids. The two are in a fantastic supportive relationship that shows how far he's come as a person and how far out of her shell she's come. It's adorable.. but it also means being around Eileen runs the risk of seeing Mordecai. Being Eileens friend means a pretty solid chance of running into her ex any time Eileen has a party, at the wedding, at the birth of her kids etc.

Being petty about Eileen being friends with Margret is one thing. margret fucked up.. but geninely tried to back off after making a heat of a moment mistake she clearly regretted deeply, and only told the boyfriend lie to save herself from a helicopter crash, an entirely fair reaction. Being shoved on a double date with her ex and his justifably jealous girlfriend who not so justifably tried to unalive her was not her idea. The two could manuver around each other, maybe awkwardly say high, I See Turtles proved they could at least be civil for Eileens sake.

But seeing her ex every time her best friend had a huge life event... that's a lot to ask. Eileen would be heartbroken.. but would understand why CJ had to break off their friendship and while I See Turtles was a good ep.. it WAS a lot to ask CJ to be around Margret right after what happened. Personally even if it's not how the creators see it I see the two reconnecting with time. CJ's moved on with her life, maybe gone pro with dodgeball, Eileen's a professor with a loving stay at home husband.. thier in a place they can be friends again and CJ, while not necesarily ever forgiving mordecai, can stand being around him. I could see her holding that grudge for a while, understandably so and people CAN hold onto grudges forever if they want.. but it just dosen't fit here. CJ grew up, and while she dosen't really keep in touch with her ex.. I like to think she got her friend back. Maybe her and Margret even become friends

Hell honestly I just had the idea margret and CJ eventually hook up: Margret genuinely apologizes for everything, CJ does the thing, one thing leads to another. I mean they do kinda fit: CJ's mordecai with his shit together, Margret is kind and empathetic, and I did really like it the last time an asshole's exes had better chemistry with each other instead of him.

SO TLDR: there honestly isn't anything that obnoxious in this. I don't like the idea of CJ cutting eileen off.. but most of it fits and the one part that didn't was cut out as they realized it didn't. For how badly the crew fucked up that love triangle.. they recovered fine.

[meiloorunsmoothie]

tl5y 🫠, a sparknotes review

okay, round two! similar to the finding neverland post (basically a play by play of my thoughts while i watched), but this time no gifs...cause i'm lazy. i did add song titles though.

enter if you dare ⬇️

still hurting

so it's just occurred to me that i've never actually seen a movie with anna kendrick (minus trolls, i have seen that) (no i haven't seen pitch perfect)

i'm tempted to pause right now and read the letter

shiksa goddess

oh hi jere-OH...

poofy hair :D

see i'm smiling (apparently i had no thoughts during this song)

ack jamie 😬

moving too fast

THE. POOFY. HAIR.

the little jump!

the way she's just watching him while he's walking around the room singing 💀 (honestly same)

ah it's very nice to have visual context along with this song

ASHLEY

ASHLEY

ASHLEY

a part of that

i think i'm starting to understand what he means when he says he's a lot like jamie in real life

"for cathy" oh gosh i feel like this movie's going to really get me

the schmuel song

SCHMUEL

i love anna kendrick's deadpan-ness

why have i never put the two and two together that he's a writer so that's why he tells stories, hence schmuel 💀

NO IT GLITCHED ihavetorewind (rewindsbacktothebeginning)

SCHMUEL

a summer in ohio

betsy wolfe? that's a fun easter egg

OH THAT'S WHERE THAT EYEBROW GIF IS FROM

the next ten minutes

at this point, i've heard "the next ten minutes ago" so many times that i half expected laura osnes' voice to come in during this scene

this is a happy song but i'm sad

a miracle would happen/when you come home to me

oh gosh jamie 😭

okay but this song is a bop

ASHLEY

ASHLEY

ASHLEY

(yeah it's just going to be like this every time she shows up)

jamie...

climbing uphill

hey jason robert brown - how many cameos are in this movie 🤨

oh this is fun (but for real, this is me every time i'm on a stage)

i would like to read this "light out of darkness" book please

wait i'm confused - i thought cathy was telling it backwards. didn't they just get married? why is all going terribly in this song 💀

if i didn't believe in you

oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh

okay i wasn't sure where this was going when it started but...😳💀😭

the acting in the scene >>>, from both of them

i can do better than that

no. i don't want to see this after that.

blew me off with a heartfelt letter...

no don't cut the hair (clearly i prioritize all the right things)

nobody needs to know

ASHLEY...i can't tell if i like that she's the one jamie cheated with 😵‍💫

is this the girl from spiderman: homecoming (my brain is obviously focusing on the important things) (oh it is btw)

conscious, deliberate mistake.........

ack the shiksa goddess callback

goodbye until tomorrow/i could never rescue you

he's very growly in this movie

HIM IN THE BACKGROUND WRITING THE NOTE

ugh jamie. there's nothing to say.

i like the color contrasting in the movie though

oh this is a tragic medley

why is he carrying the suitcase instead of rolling it like a normal person

um. how dare this movie. i'm going to go rewatch finding neverland.

consensus: if you love jeremy jordan, you should watch this movie. also, if you hate jeremy jordan, you should watch this movie.

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Bephanie Snippet

I've been looking forward to sharing this one.

Hope you guys enjoy!!

___

I ignored the terrible pit of dread in my gut as I knocked on the door. I had been travelling for almost the whole entire day. I was here on a mission - determined to rebuild what had been broken.

What I had broken, to be more specific.

Something that El always says is that when you make mistakes, you have to take full responsibility for them and take the necessary steps to make things right. This was me doing just that. I was scared, but I knew that I had to put my own feelings aside... like how I should have done, to begin with. This isn't about me. This is about making amends with my husband. Ben. Who I haven't seen or spoken to in weeks.

"It's going to be fine," I told myself. Aloud. I needed to hear those words.

I stood at the familiar front door, my heart pounding with a mixture of nervousness and hope. Sooner or later, the door swung open, revealing you-know-who on the other side. I don't know if I was expecting that.

I mean, he was who I came here for. Of course, I was going to see him eventually. I wanted to see him. I guess I just didn't want to see him first. And I didn't think I would see him first, either... he's staying with his family. But I guess it's better this way. Get over the initial awkwardness of all this. Like ripping off a Band-Aid.

We both kind of stared at each other in stunned silence. It wasn't a tense silence, there was no deep sense of uncomfortability around it. But it wasn't happy or peaceful either.

I mustered up the courage to finally speak (since he clearly wasn't going to). "Hey," I greeted casually. At least, I tried to sound casual. In reality, I probably sounded like a robot.

I was expecting a lot. I was expecting rage, pain, yelling, and some good old-fashioned passive aggression. Maybe even tears, like how he reacted when he first found out.

I wasn't expecting what I got.

"Steph?"

Just my name. Barely above whisper volume. It sounded like a question, a plead, a forgotten feeling. Or maybe that's just how I heard it.

It gave me a small amount of hope that I didn't have going in. I don't know what it was exactly... maybe it was the fact that he didn't immediately slam the door in my face. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't scream at me about what a gross and pathetic slut I was (like somebody said he would... thanks, Reginald). Or maybe it was the look in his eyes. His face was a mixture of conflicting emotions. I could see surprise, pain, fear and uncertainty. But there was something else beyond all that in his eyes, something I hadn't seen in a while – a warm glow. Light. Hope. A glimmer of the old love that had once been the foundation of our relationship. Maybe even a hint of forgiveness?

Ok, perhaps that one was a stretch. But he wasn't completely angry. There was a bit of hurt and anger there, but not as much as I thought there would be.

It gave me a renewed inner strength that I didn't know I needed. I allowed myself to relax a bit and smile.

Maybe there was hope for us after all. Everything can get back to normal. Things can be ok in my life for once!

Stop it, Steph. This isn't about you.

Before I could say anything else, the sound of laughter and chatter filled the air.

I glanced past Ben to see a lively scene unfolding in the living room. His family – parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews – were all gathered, sharing stories and joy. It was a warm, chaotic contrast to the heavy atmosphere between Ben and me. And I wanted in!

I think Ben could tell, because the next thing he did was step aside to let me enter, saying, "You want to come in, then?"

I nodded, my smile growing even wider. In I went.

_

"Stephanie!" Ben's younger adoptive sister, Emily, greeted me with a tight hug. "We've missed you!"

I returned the hug, laughing. "I've missed you more, Em."

Toby (Ben's older adoptive brother) came up from behind me and joined in on the hugging action. "Highly doubtful, Steph. No, but seriously, it's been way too long. How have you been?"

Where to begin... maybe stressed out of my damn mind with this investigation? Guilty for almost wrecking my own marriage? Miserable for hurting all of my friends? Confused about where I stand with Bret (or what my relationship with Bret even is now... this has been going on for months now, and I still have no idea what it is. I don't even really know how I feel about him anymore. Not that any of this even matters. Man... I can't believe I've spent this long talking about Bret - none of this is about him!)?

All because I was bored. And because I could. I didn't think about the potential consequences. I didn't care about how my actions could affect other people.

Man... I'm such a callous bitch sometimes.

Self-loathing rant aside, it was around this point when I began to notice how curious Ben's family was. Everyone seemed to have a new question to ask. I felt like I was being interrogated or something.

"You remember Aunt Thedra, right?" Toby asked, gesturing toward a kind-looking woman with greying hair, who was engaged in animated conversation with a man I distinctly remembered to be Emily's husband Gareth. I nodded without saying a word, despite not recognising "Aunt Thedra" at all.

"You want to say hi to the kids, Steph?" Emily asked, picking up one of her children - a small boy, probably no older than 4 or 5. I found out that his name was Jacob, and that he was the middle kid in Emily's family of 5(!) young children. But he didn't seem too pleased to see me (the kid straight up burst out crying when he noticed my presence), so I said no for now.

"Stephanie, darling!" called the sweet, gentle voice of Ben's mother, Marian. "It's lovely to see you back here again. I'm making some dinner, do you want beef or vegetarian casserole?"

Such a kind woman. Right as I prepared to open my mouth and respond, however, I heard this:

"How come she gets to pick what we have?!"

It was Lily. Jacob's big sister. I say "big" but she really doesn't look that much older than him... maybe a year or two.

"That's Stephanie, Lily," Marian calmly replied. "She's our guest for the night, so she gets to pick what we're having for dinner."

Lily grumbled a little bit more, but eventually, she got the message. I'm assuming she's heard about me in the past because she seemed to have an idea of who I was. How do I know this? Well, once she was done talking to Marian, she turned to me and went, "So, are you Uncle Ben's special friend?"

I kid you not. Straight up said that to my face!

I had no idea how to respond to this question coming out of a five-year-old girl's mouth. But I didn't have to, because just then, Ben's father, Paul, welcomed me with a genuine smile, and yet another warm hug. "Steph, love. How are you? Thought you were avoiding us!"

"No, Paul," I smiled back, returning the hug. "I've just had a lot on my plate lately."

Ben has a pretty large and chaotic family. It's nice to be surrounded by all this noise at a time like this - when your heart and mind are fighting for your attention, and you're hurting after weeks of nonstop despair, it's almost nice to have a room full of distraction. Being in a stimulating atmosphere like Ben's childhood home was a refreshing break from the cold dead silence I struggled to get used to when he left the house.

For a moment, I could almost forget the storm that loomed between Ben and me. But I knew that I had to face the music sooner or later.

_

The evening went by pretty smoothly, honestly - much smoother than I thought it would. Of course, it helped that Ben and I were kind of trying to avoid one another. Mostly to maintain the peace. But also because I had no idea what to even say to him. Which is weird, since I've had hours of travel time to think of things to say to him!

I caught him looking at me from across the room at several points. His gaze held a weird mixture of curiosity and something else I couldn't quite place. I don't know what it was... I didn't want to give myself more false hope by convincing myself that it was forgiveness or understanding. It might be... but it was probably more along the lines of confusion. He seemed more conflicted than anything else.

I don't blame him. I'm confused, too. Not with him. With me. What's wrong with me?! I came here to fix things between us, and I have yet to figure out how to achieve this goal.

...That's a massive lie. I knew what to do. I knew what it would take. I just wasn't sure I had it in me. I was afraid.

How does that old expression go? "He who dares, wins?"

I came here to win.

I sat next to him on the sofa and tapped his arm to get his attention (he was on his phone).

"Hello," he mumbled awkwardly.

"Hey, Ben," I responded with a bit of that same awkwardness. "So, can we talk?"

"I think we should."

"Great. Should we go somewhere private, or-"

"DINNER TIME!" Marian yelled from the kitchen. For such a soft-spoken lady, she sure knows how to yell.

Patching things up with my husband is going to have to wait a little while longer.

_

Ben and I exchanged glances all throughout dinner. I was glad. Non-verbal communication was better than NO communication. Frankly, I was rather pleased that I no longer had to avoid eye contact with him.

Eventually, dinner finished up. Ben, being the kind soul that he is, helped Marian with the dishes and the clearing up of the kitchen. I stood outside and watched him help his mother out, and eventually, even Paul came in to do his part. He turned on some music, and the three of them had a little dance party as they did the chores. Marian called me in to come join the fun, but I didn't want to intrude on a sweet family moment.

"Nonsense," Paul laughed. "Steph, you are family. Come join us, love."

Why did hearing him say that almost make me cry, damn it

Anyway, once we were done with all of that, Ben, who was in a much better mood, took my hand and guided me to a more private part of the house, away from his family's curious eyes and ears.

We found ourselves at the bottom of the back garden. It was a place filled with memories of simpler times in our relationship - barbecues, surprise birthday parties, lazy Sundays, and stolen kisses. The air was charged with unspoken words as we faced each other.

"Your parents are so nice."

"I agree," Ben smiled. "They're the best parents I've ever had, that's for sure."

I laughed quietly at that one. Partially because I just wanted to laugh, and partially because I didn't know what to say. Or maybe I did, but I was scared of saying it. I had a feeling of where it would lead the conversation, and I didn't want to go there.

But he who dares, wins.

I want to be that "he." Even though I'm a she.

"How have you been?"

"Much better now that I have these guys," Ben replied, gesturing to the house full of music and family noise. That sweet sound of comforting chaos.

"I can imagine. You look great!" I offered, trying to keep the conversation nice and light for as long as possible.

"So do you," Ben sighed, his tone inscrutable. "Although you don't need me to tell you that, I don't think."

I sighed, too. "Oh, Ben. I've missed you so much."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Have you?"

"Of course! God, these past few weeks have been a nightmare without you. Did you really think I wasn't going to care at all when you left without a word?"

"I don't know, Steph. It's not like you need me all that much anymore. You have someone else to play with when you're lonely and bored."

I mean... ouch. But true.

"Ok... I deserved that."

"Look, Steph... nothing you do or say is going to change the way you've made me feel. I appreciate you coming all this way. I appreciate that you probably feel bad, and that you might want to make things right, but what you need to understand is-"

"I do! I do want to make things right!"

"Let me finish. It doesn't change anything. I don't need or want anything from you. No apologies, no nothing. All I need is time to move on."

Sounds simple enough. That doesn't mean I'm satisfied with that answer, though. There's a lot more that needs to be said.

"I need to give you an apology, Ben. Because you deserve it, and because after all the hurt I've caused, it's the least I can do. I'm so sorry. I messed up. I know that completely, and I take full responsibility for it. It's not your fault in any way, so I hope you don't feel like it is, even a little bit."

Ben was quiet for a while after I said that. "Steph," he began, "I need to understand. I need to know why."

I'm still searching for the answers to that question myself. "I don't know," I admitted to him. "I guess it was a way to unwind. Or forget about how stressed the investigation was making me."

Ben's face sank when he heard that. "You could've just talked to me about it," he said.

It's true. I could've. But the thing is, that's not really the reason. I don't know what the actual reason is, but it sure as hell ain't that.

"I have no idea. It didn't mean anything to me, Ben. It still doesn't. And neither does he. We've stopped seeing each other, by the way."

"That's great! Problem solved. Yippee."

"Ok, stop. I know that things aren't going to get better between us overnight, Ben. I can accept that. What I won't accept is your decision to give up on us."

"What do you mean?!"

"'I just need to move on'? Sounds like quitter talk to me."

"You quit on us first!"

"It's not a competition, Ben! You and I are married! Married. Do you know what that means?"

"I don't know. Do you?"

Another excellent question.

"Yeah. It means that when things get rough, you deal with things together. As a team. Instead of fucking off to the other side of the country to stay with mummy and daddy because your wife is hurting your feewings. Actually fighting for your relationship and actively trying to make it work, instead of being a damn baby about it. That's what it means."

"Oh, my God..."

A little harsh, I know. But the longer the conversation went on, the more I knew that this was going to take more than a simple apology or a gesture of kindness and love. This was a trust issue. Ben just doesn't trust me anymore. And much like Rome, trust can't be (re)built in a day.

The argument went on until it finally reached its peak, with both of us standing on the precipice of emotional exhaustion. Silence lingered, filled only by the echoes of harsh words exchanged in the confined space. That was it. We ran out of stuff to say. We were done.

Except... not really.

Suddenly, it was almost as if he and I were being drawn together by an invisible force. Our eyes locked in a moment of shared vulnerability, and the charged atmosphere shifted. The anger and hurt that had fueled our fight transformed into a different kind of intensity. I felt my breath getting caught in my throat as I gazed at him. I still couldn't quite read his expression, but I had a feeling he was thinking what I was thinking.

Without a word, without a conscious decision, our lips met in a desperate and passionate kiss. It was a collision of conflicting emotions, a fusion of anger, desire, and the lingering traces of love that had not completely faded.

It was a disjointed, chaotic dance, a paradoxical blend of frustration and longing. It spoke of a history shared, a connection that, despite its fractures, had not entirely disintegrated. At that moment, the outside world faded away, and the only reality that existed was the collision of two souls desperately seeking solace in each other.

It was so... weird. And random. And beautiful.

When we broke away from each other, our eyes met again, now clouded with a mixture of confusion and a hint of something deeper. Hope?

I've got to stop seeing everything as a sign of hope, man.

Anyways, later on in bed, we continued having this conversation. Sort of.

"This whole thing has completely destroyed what we have. I don't know if we can even put things back together... at least not the exact way it used to be. Things'll probably never be the same ever again."

I swallowed hard, the reality of his words sinking in. "I don't want it to be the same, Ben. I want it to be better. I want us to be better. And I believe we can make it better, too. Don't you?"

Ben's expression softened, a hint of vulnerability breaking through. "You don't even know what 'better' means right now, Steph. And neither do I. That's something that'll take a while to figure out."

"Yeah..." I agreed, sighing. "But that doesn't mean we can't try."

I mean, look at us. We're practically halfway there!

___

Book 2 is so dysfunctional, y'all. I'm just realising lol.

But yeah. This is a long one, but it's pretty packed. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know your thoughts!

Also, who is your favourite member of Ben's family? I love his mum, personally <3